Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25

46m

Bill rambles about women who don't need men, instagram head nodding, and Chat GPT therapy.

CashApp:  New Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash with our exclusive referral code [BURR10] in your profile, send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you’ll get $10 dropped right into your account. Terms apply. 

Listen and follow along

Transcript

Oh, look who it is.

It's Mood.

Um

let me tell you about the let me tell you about uh let me tell you about the online cannabis company that's revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from sleepless nights to stress-filled days.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% of federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver deliver them directly right to your doorstep.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code BURR.

And they're epic euphoria gummies, dude.

They're perfect for those days when nothing's going right and you just need to hit the reset button on your crap mood.

Yeah, trick your brain into acting like you're you're you appreciate that extra nickel per quarter they just gave you.

That makes these different.

What makes these different, sorry, is how they've paired THC with other cannaboids with herbs and aptaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or anywhere else for that matter.

They have gummies for literally every immune support, menopause, relief, PMS, symptoms, mental clarity, and sexual

arousal.

And each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code BURR.

So, head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use promo code Burr at checkout to save 20%

off your first order.

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 30th, 2025.

What's going on?

How are you?

I'm going to say one more time.

How are you?

I don't know how you're doing, but I'm doing fucking great.

Sorry, the podcast is a day late.

I was traveling back from New York City yesterday, back in Los Angeles,

for the Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross at the Palace Theater.

Performances are complete.

128 performances in the book,

in the book, in the books.

One friends and family, 23 previews, and 104

from opening night to closing night.

It was an amazing, amazing, amazing experience.

I learned so much.

I

made so many new friends.

I got to experience what Broadway was like, and I had a whole bunch of friends come out and see me.

And then I met a whole bunch of people that I'd never met before.

And

I don't know, it's too big to try and process at this point.

I will probably be babbling about it for quite some time in little spurts here or there.

But I can tell you this:

the company, I guess, guess is what you say in Broadway, not the cast, the company that I worked, the whole thing, everybody was aces.

And I am so proud of

my fellow castmates and everything.

Our final shows,

there was no dip.

There was nobody looking at the exit door.

Everybody went out there and did what we've been doing the whole time: just having a great time,

just

feeding off of each other.

And

there were still things that were developing in the play.

There was a bit that Kieran and Michael McKeon were doing, asking, where were you last night?

and all of that stuff.

That turned into this whole bit.

And then

Bob and Kieran trying to save the sale when Link comes in turned into a whole other incredible bit that I know nobody's ever done the way that they did it.

It was so funny and it was so brilliant.

And

yeah, I don't know.

It was just,

I don't know.

I still can't believe

I got to be a part of it.

And

I don't know.

Howard Overshone, Donald Weber, John Piracello, Michael McKean, everybody.

It was, everyone Everyone was just on fire.

So

anyway, like I said, I'll be babbling about it here or there over the next, I don't know how long.

I've never done one of these before, never been post one of these before, but that is the deal.

I am back out here in L.A., and I am not doing fucking shit.

for a couple, two, three days.

I do have a show in Glendale because I have to get ready because I'm going overseas like a fucking moron.

I don't know why I booked these gigs so close to the end of the play, play, but you know what's weird?

It is something different, so it's not going to feel like a grind.

I am looking forward to doing this stuff.

Why is this so fucking quiet?

I don't understand what's going on here.

I'm not getting like the usual

the usual

what you call here.

The the the the the waves on on on on the hello hello there we go there's some waves on this on the screen here.

listen this is this is a fucking small operation what I got going on here all right I got the

what would you call it the fucking you know I'm sitting in a car all right I fucking hate these new cars man I told you I sold

I'm not I'm not driving anything that wasn't made before 2000

that's made after 2005 fuck all of these stupid ass cars

They're fucking trying, they try to do everything.

I was sitting in the car and I'm just sitting here, not doing anything, and the fucking alarm goes off.

I don't know.

I don't understand.

Basically, I don't fucking understand most things.

I saw this, like, I'm on Instagram, right?

Because what am I going to do?

Read?

I actually have been reading.

I've been reading a lot of plays, if you can believe it.

I've been

kind of caught the bug when I was back there.

And Howard Overshone got me

this book of Sam Shepard plays, so I've been reading those.

But anyways, going back to the

what I was watching was

I see this woman on Instagram, right?

One of my people, Whitey, Caucasian, right?

And she's sitting there.

I don't know how old she is.

We'll say 30, 31.

I don't fucking know, right?

White woman.

And she goes on there and she goes,

I think the Beatles are the most overrated pedestrian, milquetoast, blah, blah, blah band there ever was.

And, you know, they basically ate shit, they haven't done shit, blah, blah, blah, blah.

And then she ends it.

She goes, what?

I said what I said.

It's the funniest shit ever.

She goes, I said what I said.

I mean, it was like, dude, we all have got to get off the fucking, at least social media.

Like the level

of egomaniac that we are all becoming.

I'm not singling her out like I'm not a fucking lunatic, too, but it was just like when she goes, I said what I said.

First of all, another expression white people took from black people.

And it makes sense when somebody non-white goes, I said what I said.

But when you're white and you go, I said what I said, it's like, well, yeah, you're the ones that say what people can say.

Your people are running shits.

But anyway, she goes, I said what I said, like everybody's mind just melted.

Like, oh my God.

Wait a minute.

Were we all wrong about like everybody I know under like the age of 45, for the most part, that is their take on the Beatles.

They think they stink.

They think they're fucking overrated.

And why wouldn't they?

Their fucking music was 60 years ago.

I'm surprised they made it that long without people trashing them.

But just because you don't like them doesn't mean they're not going to sell fucking records anymore, whatever the file, the downloads.

It's like, lady, it's okay you don't like them.

The Beatles will be fine.

They were fine before you and they'll be fine after you.

And they're fine with your opinion.

I said what I said.

Oh my God, these fucking goddamn fucking car.

How does the alarm keep going off?

Oh my god, my.

My wife's gonna fucking kill me.

I just woke up everywhere in the house.

This is the second time it fucking happened.

Oh, I know.

I'm moving around.

I'm being animated, which is causing these sensors to go off in the fucking car.

You know what these fucking cars are?

You know what these cars are?

They're like those fucking women on Instagram.

Everything's gonna be about Instagram because I don't fucking have any other reference at this point.

You know, who go on and they go, I don't need a man.

I don't need a man.

It's like, well, obviously you do.

You're missing something.

You know?

You don't need a man.

Fine.

Get on with not needing a man.

Why do I need to hear about it?

You don't need a man.

Yes, you do.

Unless you're a lesbian.

You need somebody, you fucking idiot.

That's like me walking around saying, I don't need a woman.

I 100% do.

It's a specific one.

The lovely Nia.

Goddamn right

I need her.

These fucking women, I don't understand what, like, women like that.

What are you trying to prove?

Oh, my God, you're so tough.

You're gonna live in a world without love.

All right, well, fantastic.

And let me guess, do we all have to suffer now?

Do you come to town fucking trying to, I don't know, make up for the fact that nobody holds you at night?

Nobody rubs your head and tells you it's gonna be okay,

you know?

What are you and your vagina gonna do?

How many are you gonna fucking fold your legs back over yourself and

I don't know what?

Rub your head with your fucking your taco there.

I don't know.

Let's do it.

Do whatever you want to do.

Human beings are not meant to be alone.

What?

What?

I said it.

No, what did she say?

I said what I said.

Dude, do you realize how funny it is with like what's going on in Iran?

What's going on in Israel, Pakistan, whole Gaza Strip, the whole fucking world, what this fucking lunatic is doing.

He's taking everything away from everybody, you know?

And half the fucking country is cheering him on to do it, destroying the whole fucking thing.

He wants his face on fucking Mount Rushmore.

He's clearly mentally fucking ill.

He's out of his fucking mind.

He's literally out of his mind.

Spent $100 million on a military parade like fucking.

And your hot take is you think the Beatles are overrated?

Listen, I get it.

You to keep it light sometimes.

I'm guilty of it too, but like I said what I said.

Oh my God.

What?

I said what I said.

I remember a long time ago, there was a comedian.

He went on stage.

I'm not going to say his name.

He went on stage and he fucking tagged everything that he said that night with what?

I said it.

I'll I'll say it again.

Like none of us could handle what he was saying.

Like society was being changed in real time by his shit and dick jokes.

What?

I said it.

I'll say it again.

Once again.

Once again.

It's just the funniest shit.

It's just funny to me watching

people acting like,

I don't know, like what they just said.

Like you just,

like, nobody has to be

freaking out about it.

You're just going to assume that everyone is freaking out.

That you just said that shit.

Oh, my God, the car made more noise.

What's going to happen?

She's going to give me shit.

Why'd you leave in the garage?

It's like, because I can't find the fucking opener.

Here's another thing.

Back in the day, back in the day, when I, oh, there it is.

There's the opener.

Okay, now maybe.

Okay, now I can get out of the garage.

Out of the garage, do do do do do do do.

But what happens is with this fucking car, listen to this shit.

You turn it on, right?

You turn it on.

You turn it on.

Oh, wait.

Oh, I can't do it.

Oh, shit.

I have to unlock it.

Now it plays the sustained chord.

Now I press the button.

Now it's on.

Now it bing bong bing bong boong bing

bing.

Alright and now like it's projecting my two mile an hour speed limit on the inside of the windshield.

Remember people don't drive distracted as as you they fucking flash information

inside the goddamn

I just realized I haven't driven a car in like fucking five months

oh yes I did I came out here I snuck out here one day because it was my lovely wife's birthday and I've never missed that in 21 years and my son's birthday was right after so we did a uh

a collage now I hit stop now I hit stop

And now look at there's like literally like

I Don't know what it is was that supposed to be like the logo of the car

like the whole fucking windshield is is an iPad next to an iPad next to an iPad

Don't drive distracted everybody

All right, what if I open the door and then I fucking close it?

Does that do it?

Nope, it's still playing the chord.

I have to hit lock inside the fucking thing

So now it thinks that I walked away, but now if I shift my weight from one butt cheek to another, it thinks somebody is rocking the car trying to get into this plastic piece of shit.

I'm driving a fucking iPhone.

Anyway, speaking of which, yes, so I sold all my vehicles.

So I'm looking, I'm in the market for something.

And like I said, I'm going to buy something.

I got a good mechanic.

I'll get it up and running.

I'm driving something fucking old.

Fuck these goddamn new cars.

Hey, you know, what?

I don't like new cars.

What?

I said what I said.

What?

I said it.

I'll fucking say it again.

Hey, Bill, Bill, nobody's saying

you can't say it.

Although there have been some,

there have been some things that you couldn't say in stand-up.

There has been.

I remember when you weren't able to say tranny anymore,

but the new word was also T-R something.

Cross-dresser, I don't know, all of those words,

transvestite, all of those words for some reason overnight became, you can't say that.

And then there was all these new ones.

Remember that?

It was like

all of that came and went.

Like, remember that music, New Metal?

A

rapid metal when they tried to do that unholy matrimony?

And that usually works.

Like when you combine different genres of music.

Or like food, Tex-Mex,

you know,

Asian-infused cornflakes, whatever the fuck they say, right?

Japanese-infused fucking baked potato.

It's a baked potato, but we raw it.

And then we put a little soy sauce on it because I remember one time I went to a Chinese restaurant.

So, you know, they're just out of ideas on the food network.

They're just throwing it all in the bowl now.

This is a Swedish-infused Brazilian dish.

Hey, you know, yeah, I said what I said.

I don't like the Beatles.

I said what I said.

All right.

Well, you know, I'm still going to listen to them.

And I'm okay that you're not.

You know, when I pull up to the red light, you can judge me.

You can roll your fucking eyes and all of that.

You know what I'll do for you?

I'll act like your opinion actually affects me.

Like, oh no, I'm embarrassed.

I fucking love the Beatles.

You know what an album I listened to the other day?

you know,

on

my flight back

when he came back, guess who came back to LA?

I always heard that thing, you know, the revolution will not be televised.

The revolution will not be televised.

And that was an expression when I was growing up.

Well, it came from this album.

This is for my people, for Caucasians, because most of us don't know this album.

Gil Scott Heron, pieces of a man fucking amazing it's a fucking masterpiece

um

I listened to that uh on the plane ride back and uh

you know I'm white so he's not talking to me but I enjoyed the music

what I said what I said

um I listened to that album of protests and I was really mainly listening to the musicians.

Anyway,

yes, it's okay

to not like the Beatles.

You can do that.

And I support it.

And if you don't need a man, there you go.

You want to walk the earth like fucking Bill Bixby in the Hulk?

You just want to fucking walk around with a goddamn backpack and come to and fro, you know, and let everybody know.

No, you know what?

You let everybody know how much you don't fucking need, you know,

a woman or a man and all of this shit.

Anyway.

Here's another one thing that fucking drives me nuts on fucking Instagram.

I hate when there's like somebody actually says something,

you know?

It's actually information like, wow, I never looked at something like that, or that's whatever, whatever the hell it is, right?

And the person who posts it puts themselves in the video, nodding, pointing to their head, or pointing at the person talking like ooh ooh ooh listen to this part I am listening to it I speak this language

why are you in the video you don't have anything to do with this this wasn't your thought this isn't even your video you just took this content and then you stuck yourself in it

Why are you in it smiling and nodding and pointing?

I literally have to put my fucking hand over the person's.

I don't know.

This is stupid.

Like, why do I give a shit?

No, now this is what I'm complaining about.

I just gave that woman shit for talking about how she didn't like the fucking Beatles, thinking she just blew everybody's mind.

And here I am going, oh, with all this stuff in the world, and here I am getting annoyed in Instagram videos.

And isn't that life?

Isn't that part of being a human being, just being hypocritical five minutes later?

I have

a stand-up show coming up in Glendale July 3rd because because I'm getting ready to do international dates because I'm a fucking idiot.

I don't know why I booked all of this shit so close to this play, but it is, it's different, it's a different muffle.

All right, everybody, it's 5-Hour Energy.

Do you need a boost that tastes like a potty?

Confetti Craze from 5-Hour Energy is here to deliver big birthday energy in a tiny bottle.

These shots are tiny and resealable.

It's easy to bring that big birthday energy with you.

It's buttery, vanilla-y,

vanilla-y,

and basically tastes like the best birthday cake ever.

This limited-time flavor brings the party wherever you go with as much caffeine as a fancy 12-ounce coffee, but with zero sugar and zero crash.

So you can be unapologetically extra and unstoppably energized.

Whether you're powering through your to-do list or showing up with the main character energy, Confetti Craze makes every moment a celebration.

Five-hour energy.

Confetti craze flavor is available online.

Head to www.5houenergy.com or Amazon to order yours.

Or you can go to 5Hourenergy.com.

Oh, look who it is.

It's Mood.

Let me tell you about the, let me tell you about,

let me tell you about the online cannabis company that's revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from sleepless nights to stress-filled days.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% of federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver them directly right to your doorstep.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code BURR.

And they're epic euphoria gummies, dude.

They're perfect for those days when nothing's going right and you just need to hit the reset button on your crap mood.

Yeah, trick your brain into acting like

you appreciate that extra nickel per quarter they just gave you.

That makes these different.

What makes these different, sorry, is how they've paired THC with other cannaboids with herbs and aptaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or anywhere else for that matter.

They have gummies for literally every immune support, menopause, relief, PMS, symptoms, mental clarity, and sexual

arousal.

And each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family-owned American farms.

No pesticides, no BS, and they can ship to most states in the U.S.

Best of all, not only does Mood stand behind everything with an industry-leading 100-day satisfaction guarantee, but as mentioned, listeners get 20% off their first order with the code BURR.

So head to mood.com, browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with.

And remember to use promo code BURR at checkout to save 20%

off your first order.

This is Larry Flick, owner of the Floor Store.

Labor Day is the last sale of the summer, but this one is our biggest sale of the year.

Now through September 2nd, get up to 50% off store-wide on carpet, hardwood, laminate, waterproof flooring, and much more.

Plus, two years' interest-free financing, and we pay your sales tax.

The Floor Stores Labor Day sale.

Don't let the sun set on this one.

Go to floorstores.com to find the nearest of our 10 showrooms from Santa Rosa to San Jose.

The Floor Store, your area flooring authority.

I am getting to London.

I'm going to try to go to Wimbledon.

I didn't realize Wimbledon was going on at the same time.

If I can make it, if I can make it there,

I'm going to,

that'll be the last tennis major.

I've been to Roland Garrows twice.

Not trying to show off.

I've been to the U.S.

Open a couple times.

I lucked out and was doing a tour in 2015 in Australia.

And I got to Melbourne.

I walked in my hotel and there was this giant tennis ball.

I'm like, what's that about?

I was like, wait a minute.

Is the Australian Open happen?

Yes, that was the one I thought I would never get to.

I always thought if I was going to go to one,

well, I was living in New York, so obviously U.S.

Open plays there every year, so that was an easy one.

But I always thought Wimbledon was going to be the first one that I would go to because I fucking grew up watching breakfast at Wimbledon with with Dick Enberg.

Rest his soul.

I don't know if they still call it that.

I haven't seen it in fucking years.

I've been so busy with the kids.

But

I go all the way back to John McElro,

Bjorn Borg, and I saw,

I think the last year Borg beat McEnroe.

And then the next year, McEnroe beat Borg.

And

then I was hooked.

And I just watched it.

I watched it religiously throughout the 80s.

Through, like, you know, Boris Becker, Yvonne Lendel, Andre Yagasi,

Jim Currier, the guy who looked like Phil Sims,

into Pete Sampras.

And then, somewhere around there, when his career started,

I got into show business, and, you know, I'd just been fucking busy.

oh my god that's a reference to Luther in 48 hours he picks up Eddie Murphy's Porsche hey this parking ticket is like seven years old yeah I've been busy yeah that's what happened I got into stand-up and

you know I've just been fucking

I don't know trying to get somewhere fill the void whatever the fuck I I was doing, and I kind of lost it.

But I would love to get back into it.

Anyway, so

I've paid attention

over the years watching some of the greats,

but

the way I watched it in the 80s,

I just, you know, I saw like the end of, yeah, McEnroe's career, Jimmy Connors,

and then all the women.

Like Chris Everett Lloyd was killing it, and then Martina Nabatralova came along,

and then

Steffi Graff.

I remember all of that shit.

I would watch both.

I actually, in a lot of ways, preferred the women's because it was best two out of three.

Like, you know, a five-setter

with the men is great, but like, after a while, it's like, fuck, dude, I gotta get on with my life here.

You know, I get two days off.

You're eating one of them up.

So,

anyway, I might do that as I'm doing a benefit out there.

Then I have Abu Dhabi.

When I say Abu, you say Abu,

Abu.

I got that gig, and then I do a gig in Milan, Italy.

stay there for a few days

and drink the best coffee in the world.

Hopefully, I've never had a cup of coffee out there, but everybody's telling me Japan and Italy, the country of Italy,

I guess everywhere, makes

the best coffee.

I'm waking up.

I'm acting like Japan is a city.

Japan is also a country.

Japan and Italy

make the best coffee.

That's what I've heard.

Although some people have been talking shit about how great the coffee is down in Australia.

You know, now that I'm in this world.

So, anyway, I've been catching up on the Moto GP.

If you have never watched a Moto GP race, the race from Italy this year, the first seven, eight laps is what's going to get you addicted to this sport.

Absolutely

incredible.

And I don't know, I just don't understand

how, like,

you know, both Mark Marquez

and Peko Banyay are riding for the factory Ducati and Mark is that much faster I know he's like the master being the latest on the brakes but like once he gets out the only guy who can fuck with them is his brother

Alex and like

He's also riding a Ducati, but

it's not the factory team.

That I also don't understand.

But he's still riding a Ducati.

It's still their parts so what does that come down to you know they don't get as much support as the factory team

the pit crew isn't isn't quite as experienced i don't know what it is

um

but i will tell you um

that race in italy was incredible and uh if it you know if i wasn't doing the play one of these years i have to go to it it's it's if i remember correctly i think it's the fastest track as far as that straightaway the speeds that they hit.

They get up around 210, 215 miles an hour, which is absolutely fucking insane.

Side by side, and then playing a game of chicken of who can come on the brakes the latest and not go wide into the fucking turn or whatever.

I don't know.

So the guy shoots underneath you.

Bill, are you going to just take us through the whole race?

You're just going to explain the whole grand thing?

All right, you're right.

Unfucking believable.

Unfucking believable, believable, this fucking car.

This fucking goddamn fucking, you can't even fucking sit in the fucking car.

So my option is if I have to sit in the car with the fucking interior light on, is it plays this stupid sustained note?

You know what really annoys me about electric cars?

Why do they have to make noise?

Right?

The thing's electric.

Like, what are you ashamed of?

Be what you are.

And of course, it can't just make a fucking car noise.

It has to make this obnoxious noise like this fucking symphony.

Like, I'm not driving a plastic piece of fucking shit.

All right.

I just waited it up.

Maybe I needed to have more patience.

I don't fucking understand it.

I went on the goddamn internet.

Oh, yes, boys and girls.

And I tried to figure out how to get that fucking stupid goddamn

speedometer off of the inside of the fucking windshield.

I literally like take a hat and I throw it on the dashboard to try and block it.

It's like, why are you showing me shit?

Why are you waving information?

I'm not flying a Blackhawk helicopter here.

I'm driving down the fucking street trying not to hit somebody on a scooter and you're showing me the fucking stock market ticker tape.

Whatever that fucking thing is.

I don't know.

I guess it's me.

I guess it's me.

I just lived long enough that I don't understand what the fuck anything is anymore.

Here's one that I love:

this is something that my gut told me was true, so I just searched it.

I love when you say, like, you know, you download a new app and it asks

if it can, like, track you.

And then what do you do?

You say no.

You opt out.

Right?

And then I'm just sitting there going, like, how do I know that, like, they actually

know that they actually do it at that point?

All they did was just give me, you know, the illusion of choice here.

So I look it up.

I go, do apps track you after you tell them not to?

And the person said, yes, most of them do.

That was the information.

Even if you delete the app, it's still tracking you.

Like, these are American companies spying on you

without your permission.

And nobody in the government is fucking doing a goddamn thing about it.

Oh, the birds are around.

Look at that.

Just to let you know, so all of you people who think you're on, what is it,

incognito mode, there's no such thing.

It's your computer, it's registered to you, and there's people watching every fucking thing that you're doing on it.

So, like, you know, I'm in fucking double secret shadow mode.

Oh, are you?

Ah, Jesus fucking Christ.

All right, so the latest thing.

I'm finding out like all these, these, you know, these underus that people wear at the gym are actually made out of plastic and other chemicals, and you sweat and they seep into your body and they make you sick.

And these fucking people that sell it to you, they know what, like, like...

I just don't understand.

I'm really just starting to feel like,

you know, I thought with the way that they were going to deal with

you know the overpopulation of the world was they were going to you know do some nazi shit

you know march everybody into ovens but i i believe what they're now gonna they're just gonna kill us with our with our clothes and our food

or maybe it's not even that deep maybe it's just

It's just, I don't know, human nature.

But anyways, so I guess you got to go back to dressing like they did when I was growing up.

And you know what?

There was never anything wrong with those cotton sweatpants.

And I bet now it's impossible to find those.

So anyway.

But you know, the most important issue right now are

illegal immigrants.

That's why your life sucks.

That's why you keep getting cancer.

That's why you're sick.

That's why you can't get a job.

It's because of these people.

It's not because of these fucking psycho-billionaires that make clothes that actually give you cancer, evidently.

And ironically enough, you wear them going to the fucking gym.

And this is the thing.

This is if that information is even fucking true.

You know, because for some fucking reason, the internet that everybody is on and everybody pays attention to, there's no rules of libel or slander.

You can just write whatever you want.

You can't threaten anybody.

But you can totally, you know, just put misinformation out there as much as you want.

It's a great time to be alive.

Um,

anyway,

let's get into the reads here for the week.

Oh, Cash App, everyone.

Is paying the entire bill and saying just get me back next time cool or lame when you could just split it through Cash App?

Why is that?

Well, it all depends on who you're dinner at dinner with.

Making money moves should be easy, and that's why there's Cash App.

It's fast, safe, and honestly, just way more personalized than the other apps out there.

Well, I don't think you had to like take down all the other apps, man.

Unfucking believable.

Unfucking fucking goddamn fucking believable.

I don't fucking understand this fucking car.

I don't understand this fucking goddamn fucking car.

Just do not fucking understand what is wrong with this fucking car.

Can you can you not sit in the car?

Is that what it is?

Are you not allowed to sit in the fucking what way can I oh, is it because oh, I don't have the seat belt on bang bang funny

You know what's funny?

You know what's funny is my wife is gonna give me shit like this is my fault.

It's like this isn't my fault.

This is your car's fault

Look at this fucking stupid thing

It has

on the inside I've never even looked at this shit the inside of the windshield it has this it has the speed limit, how fast I'm going,

and then a sign to remind me to have my hands 10 and 2 on the fucking steering wheel.

I know what you guys are saying.

Bill,

just fucking go in the owner's manual.

I can't figure it out.

There is a way to opt out.

There is a fucking way to shut it off.

If you can tell me how to fucking do it, you're better than I am.

That's another thing, too.

There's like no information.

There's just no fucking information on how the fuck

How the fuck

to shut this fucking shit off

anyways, but as I was saying earlier, Cash App, everyone,

Cash App.

Cash App.

It's way more personalized than those other apps out there.

No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress.

All the tools are right there to help you cash in.

Plus, sending money with Cash App, ha ha, it actually feels safe.

They didn't say it is safe.

They just said it feels safe.

At what point is sending any money over the internet feel fucking safe?

They look out for you.

If something seems sketchy or they see you might be sending money to a potential scammer, oh, here we go.

They'll warn you.

I wouldn't do that if I was you

and make you think twice before you hit send.

It's like having a personal bodyguard for your cash.

All right, relax.

You can even spice up your payments.

Ooh, what are you buying?

With custom text, stamps, and backgrounds.

Because why should paying your friend for brunch be so boring?

Well, why are they so fucking self-involved that I got to throw them a parade to pay for half a quesadilla?

If for whatever reason...

If for whatever insane reason you already don't have Cash App, just download it from your phone's app store, sign up, enter our code BURR, B-U-R-R10

in your profile.

Send $5 to a friend and you get $10 just for getting started.

For limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash.

For real, there's no catch.

Just download Cash App and sign up.

Use our exclusive referral code BIR10 in your profile and send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10

dropped right into your account.

Terms apply, that's money, that's cash app.

All right, everybody, it's 5-Hour Energy.

Do you need a boost that tastes like a potty?

Confetti Craze from 5-Hour Energy is here to deliver big birthday energy in a tiny bottle.

These shots are tiny and resealable.

It's easy to bring that big birthday energy with you.

It's buttery, vanilla-y,

vanilla-y,

and basically tastes like the best birthday cake ever.

This limited-time flavor brings the party wherever you go with as much caffeine as a fancy 12-ounce coffee, but with zero sugar and zero crash.

So you can be unapologetically extra and unstoppably energized.

Whether you're powering through your to-do list or showing up with the main character energy, Confetti Craze makes every moment a celebration.

Five-hour energy.

Confetti craze flavor is available online.

Head to www.5hourenergy.com or Amazon to order yours.

Or you can go to 5Hnergy.com.

Oh, look who it is.

It's Mood.

Let me tell you about the, let me tell you about,

let me tell you about the online cannabis company that's revolutionizing how we deal with life's challenges from sleepless nights to stress-filled days.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns.

Mood.com has created an entire line of functional gummies that target specific health concerns with 100% of federally legal THC blends.

They'll deliver them directly right to your doorstep.

And you can get 20% off your first order at mood.com with promo code BURR.

And they're epic euphoria gummies, dude.

They're perfect for those days when nothing's going right and you just need to hit the reset button on your crap mood.

Yeah, trick your brain into acting like

you appreciate that extra nickel per quarter they just gave you.

That makes these different.

What makes these different, sorry, is how they've paired THC with other cannaboids with herbs and adaptogens.

You're not just going to find gummies like this in a dispensary or anywhere else for that matter.

They have gummies for literally every immune support, menopause, relief, PMS, symptoms, mental clarity, and sexual

arousal.

And each one is crafted using federally legal cannabis grown on small family owned american farms no pesticides no bs and they can ship to most states in the u.s best of all not only does mood stand behind everything with an industry leading 100 day satisfaction guarantee but as mentioned uh listeners get 20 off their first order with the code burr so head to mood.com browse their amazing selection of functional gummies and the perfect gummy for whatever you're dealing with and remember to use promo code burr at checkout to save 20

off your first order.

Wobblebong's Dickinson is now united with Luis Roca, creating a client-focused team ready to handle your most complex challenges.

Together, we bring you deep capabilities in areas like IP, corporate transactions, cybersecurity, and litigation.

With over 1,300 attorneys across 37 offices in the U.S.

and UK, you've got the benefit of our firm's global reach with the dedication and care of a close partner.

Learn how we can support you at wobblebondydickinson.com.

All right.

Well, all right then, here we go.

I think at this point we go back to, we're going to the reads.

The Rex Reeds, I'm too mean to give a 10.

Anybody used to watch the gong show?

Bam, bam, bam, bam, bum.

All right.

Here we go.

The reads.

Fifth grade girls plot to kill boy in their class.

From a lady, what?

Bill, this is a crazy story out of Arizona.

All right, my first thing is, what did this kid say to these women?

Are you blaming the victim?

No, I'm just more fascinated.

That's a skill.

To get women that mad at you in the fifth grade?

All right.

A group of girls in the fifth grade conspired to stab a boy in their class because he supposedly broke up with one of them.

Fifth grade, Bill.

Alright, well, stabbing him and killing him are two different things.

It all depends on where they stab him.

They planned to lure him into the bathroom, stab him, ooh, and leave a fake suicide note.

They all had roles, including some to stand as lookout for people coming.

What the fuck is wrong with these people?

I was watching tiny tunes in fifth grade and brushing the hair on my favorite unicorn.

The amount of young girls being bullied by other girls in the most horrific ways is off the charts.

Suicide because of online bullying is literally an epidemic.

I recommend the Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haid, H-A-I-D-T.

It's becoming very popular with parents, especially those with young girls.

I have bought a few copies for a friend and family and would urge you and your wife to read it.

There are so many kids are being affected.

Oh, there's so many things kids are being affected by when it comes to screens and social media.

Most don't consider.

Short attention spans are the least of parental worries.

Please read the book.

Thanks, and go love yourself.

All right, well, I'll check that out.

There is a suspicious side of me that you're the person who wrote the fucking book and made all of that shit up, so I'd go buy it.

I will look it up.

I will look up that sad story.

So what happened to those girls?

Well,

they're females.

They're not held accountable for their actions.

What happened?

Did they give the boy detention for breaking up with the girl?

All right.

Chat GPT as a therapist.

Hey there, Billy, pork pie.

A friend recently told me that you use...

That you can use ChatGPT as a therapist.

So I gave it a whirl.

Oh my God.

All right.

A bit of, you guys, we're all putting each other out of business.

What are we doing?

Stop using these fucking things because it's convenient.

Oh boy.

Whatever.

Whatever.

Your vote counts.

Your vote counts.

They're not slowly marching us towards extinction.

So it'll just be a bunch of billionaires in the robots that do all their work and that they can fucking have sex with, whatever the fuck it is that they're working towards.

Anyway,

a bit of background.

40 plus father of a beautiful four.

You know what they're going to do in the future?

Billionaires?

They're going to wipe out everybody except,

you know,

a select group of human beings that they then impregnate.

and then harvest their organs so that they can then stay alive forever.

I think that that's the game plan.

A bit of a background:

40-plus father of a beautiful four-year-old girl.

I was raised by addicts, so left home at 16.

Oh, that's brutal.

Sorry, that happened to you.

And I've become what I consider to be a moderate success in life.

Having said that, I've always had to be my own therapist

due to the cost.

I am mature enough to understand that everyone should go to therapy and certainly sufficiently

traumatized to get triggered

to the front of the line.

Dude, what happened with that sentence?

Having said that, I've always had to be my own therapist due to the cost.

I am mature enough to understand that everyone should go to therapy and certainly sufficiently

traumatized to get

triaged

to the front line

T-R-I-A-G-E-D what the fuck word is that i've never seen that word in my life i don't know so i gave this robot therapist a go and i have to say it is generally a huge help

can i ask you a question are these real people am i saying the wrong things on these podcasts so now people are just writing the opposite fucking opinion here

okay

you know what else would be a real fucking help is is it's fucking going to a real therapist it's so it's genius but you can't afford it because the billionaires are squeezing it out, the same ones who are now making a robot therapist that you then go to them because it's easier and more convenient.

Okay, I get it.

This is the new world.

And it's generally a huge help.

It asks meaningful questions and factors in everything you've told it into answers.

Yeah, and it also puts it all into your file and builds it.

Does whatever it wants with that.

I don't know, sells it.

It is a shining light into the dark corners and putting things into perspective that I have not yet considered.

It's It's also kind of interesting that because it's a robot, you lack the inhibition to be honest or the impulse to paint yourself as the good guy or martyr.

Curious to hear your thoughts on that.

That all sounds terrifying to me, sir.

The level that you're trusting this technology.

Do you think you're just speaking into this thing and nobody's listening to that?

That that's not saved, it doesn't go somewhere?

Anyways, Bern says, thanks for being like a cool old uncle to myself and many others, I'm sure.

Dave.

All right, Dave.

Well, I'm happy this thing worked for you.

I, you know, hey, maybe you're right.

I've never used the thing.

I have like a fucking paranoia and a suspicion about shit like that.

I'm not,

I don't trust

anything anymore.

Okay, the fact that my own countrymen can turn the food supply into poison and go to sleep at night and do the things that they do,

lie to the American people to get us involved in shit in other countries my entire fucking life.

And then decades later, you find out the real reason that we went there, and it's always the same sort of greed, land grab, you know, fossil fuel thing, whatever the fuck it is.

I'm just, maybe I'm too fucking jaded.

Maybe that's what it is.

I don't know.

Triggered by nerd.

Dear Bill Belly Check.

Like, what fucking shape do I have to get in when the fat jokes fucking stop?

I find myself relating even more to your anger at these tech nerd assholes after being triggered by one recently.

Okay.

I was watching an interview with some dude who owns a website that creates music using AI.

His sales pitch was unbelievable.

He looked at the interviewer with a totally straight face and said, most people don't like making music.

You either have to learn an instrument or some complicated software.

I'm sitting there watching it like, yes, it's called being a fucking musician or a fucking producer.

Yeah, this is all,

yeah, like those, like Spotify and those, those websites, they're now like creating bands that don't exist, making like psychedelic like vibe music.

And then they have bots listen to it

so it gets into your thing, like, and then you see, like, wow, this thing has 500 million fucking whatever, 500,000 listens.

This must be good music.

Yeah, and this is what my point is about all of this shit: is these fucking people,

these billionaires, they don't want to pay anybody anything.

They never have.

And if you fucking read up on history,

we've constantly

had to revolt and band together so they will just pay us a living wage.

They don't want to do it.

The people that are telling you right now

that illegal immigrants are your big fucking problem.

There's a reason they're, they're, oh, look at them.

Look at these people.

Look at this country.

Look at this race.

That's all they do.

That's all they do.

And why wouldn't they do it?

We fucking fall for it every fucking time.

All right, anyway, the vibe he gave was that he either tried and failed or just couldn't be bothered learning to play or produce.

So he was like, fuck it, let's just take the talent aspect out of creating music and I'll make money out of it.

As a former band musician, I can't express how much it pissed me off.

I haven't felt the urge to punch a total stranger in the face so much since the last election.

Anyways, thanks for all you do

and much love to the family.

P.S.

I was going to type out go fuck yourself in binary computer code, but it's too long and I'm a lazy cunt.

Yeah,

well, here's something positive.

You do have the power to go see live music.

You have the power to go to mom and pop stores with the choices that you make.

If you're always choosing convenience and price, which is how they get you, it's so genius.

They're the ones tanking the dollar.

And then they steer you into having to make a choice that, in the long run, is against your best interest.

That's sort of the game.

They're fucking reptiles, dude.

I don't know what to tell you.

They're fucking reptiles.

Anyway.

All right.

Well, that's the podcast, everybody.

Enjoy,

I don't know, enjoy the next fucking couple of days, you know,

out there in this goddamn world, whatever, whatever direction where we're headed in.

I don't know what anything is anymore.

I'm just trying to go back in time.

I'm going to drive old cars

and just pretend everything's okay.

All right, that's it.

That's kind of a fucking

low note to end on.

I apologize.

All right.

You know what?

Good always triumphs over evil.

This isn't the first time we've been in an evil period of lizard people.

We will triumph as we always do.

Just try to be nice to each other.

All right, that's it.

Go fuck yourselves and I'll talk to you later.

It's finally happened.

Your kid could be part of the first generation to never suffer the rough touch of toilet paper on their tender tush.

All thanks to new flushable little dude wipes available in bubble bum scent or fragrance-free.

Because we know little butts can make a big mess, but with little dude wipes, you can keep your kids' keister clean without the burn and debris toilet paper can leave behind on their behinds.

Experience the confident clean of little dude wipes available exclusively at Walmart nationwide.