Women, Instagram Head Nodding, Chat GPT Therapy | Monday Morning Podcast 7-1-25

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, June 30th, 2025. What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 1 I'm going to say one more time: How are you?

Speaker 1 I don't know how you're doing, but I'm doing fucking great.

Speaker 1 Sorry, the podcast is a day late. I was traveling back from New York City yesterday,

Speaker 1 back in Los Angeles,

Speaker 1 for the Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross at the Palace Theater.

Speaker 1 Performances are complete. 128 performances in the book, in the book, in the books.

Speaker 1 One friends and family, 23 previews, and 104

Speaker 1 from opening night to closing night.

Speaker 1 It was an amazing, amazing, amazing experience.

Speaker 1 I learned so much. I

Speaker 1 made so many new friends.

Speaker 1 I got to experience what Broadway was like, and I had a whole bunch of friends come out and see me. And then I met a whole bunch of people that I'd never met before.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's too big to try and process at this point.
I will probably be babbling about it for quite some time in little spurts here or there. But I can tell you this:

Speaker 1 the company, I guess, guess is what you say in Broadway, not the cast, the company that I worked, the whole thing, Everybody was aces, and I am so proud of

Speaker 1 my fellow cast mates and everything. Our final shows,

Speaker 1 there was no dip. There was nobody looking at the exit door.
Everybody went out there and did what we've been doing the whole time. It's just having a great time,

Speaker 1 just

Speaker 1 feeding off of each other. And

Speaker 1 there was still things that were developing in the play.

Speaker 1 There was a bit that Kieran and Michael McKeon were doing, asking, where were you last night, and all of that stuff. That turned into this whole bit.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 Bob and Kieran trying to save the sale when Link comes in turned into a whole other incredible bit that I know nobody's ever done the way that they did it. It was so funny and it was so brilliant.
And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It was just,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I still can't believe

Speaker 1 I got to be a part of it. And

Speaker 1 I don't know. Howard Overshone, Donald Weber, John Piracello, Michael McKean, everybody.

Speaker 1 Everyone was just on fire.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 anyway, like I said, I'll be babbling about it here or there over the next, I don't know how long. I've never done one of these before, never been post one of these before, but that is the deal.

Speaker 1 I am back out here in LA, and I am not doing fucking shit

Speaker 1 for a couple, two, three days. I do have a show in Glendale because I have to get ready because I'm going overseas like a fucking moron.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I booked these gigs so close to the end of the play, but you know, it's weird. It is something different, so it's not going to feel like a grind.

Speaker 1 I am looking forward to doing this stuff. Why is this so fucking quiet?

Speaker 1 I don't understand what's going on here. I'm not getting like the usual,

Speaker 1 the usual,

Speaker 1 what you call here?

Speaker 1 The waves

Speaker 1 on the. Hello, hello.
There we go. There's some waves on the screen here.
Listen, this is a fucking small operation, what I got going on here. All right, I got the,

Speaker 1 what would you call it? The fucking, you know, I'm sitting in a car. All right, I fucking hate these new cars, man.
I told you, I sold.

Speaker 1 I'm not driving anything that wasn't made before 2000,

Speaker 1 that's made after 2005. Fuck all of these stupid ass cars.

Speaker 1 They're fucking trying, they try to do everything. I was sitting in the car and I'm just sitting here, not doing anything, and the fucking alarm goes off.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Basically, I don't fucking understand most things. I saw this, like, I'm on Instagram, right? Because what am I going to do? Read? I actually have been reading.

Speaker 1 I've been reading a lot of plays, if you can believe it. I've been

Speaker 1 kind of caught the bug when I was back there. And Howard Overshone got me

Speaker 1 this book of Sam Shepard plays, so I've been reading those. But anyways, going back to

Speaker 1 what I was watching was,

Speaker 1 I see this woman on Instagram, right?

Speaker 1 One of my people, Whitey, Caucasian, right?

Speaker 1 And she's sitting there. I don't know how old she is.
We'll say 30, 31. I don't fucking know, right? White woman.

Speaker 1 And she goes on there and she goes uh i think the beatles are the most overrated pedestrian milquetoast blah blah blah band there ever was and you know they basically they ate shit they haven't done shit blah blah blah blah and then she ends it she goes what

Speaker 1 i said what i said

Speaker 1 It's the funniest shit ever. She goes, I said what I said.
I mean, it was like, dude, we all have got to get off the fucking, at least social media,

Speaker 1 like the level

Speaker 1 of egomaniac that we are all becoming. I'm not singling her out like I'm not a fucking lunatic too, but it was just like when she goes, I said what I said.

Speaker 1 First of all, another expression white people took from black people.

Speaker 1 And it makes sense when somebody non-white goes, I said what I said. But when you're white and you go, I said what I said, it's like, well, yeah, you're the ones that say what people can say.

Speaker 1 Your people are running shits. But anyway, she goes, I said what I said.
Like everybody's mind just melted. Like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Were we all wrong about

Speaker 1 everybody I know under like the age of 45, for the most part, that is their take on the Beatles. They think they stink.
They think they're fucking overrated. And why wouldn't they?

Speaker 1 Their fucking music was 60 years ago.

Speaker 1 I'm surprised they made it that long without people trashing them.

Speaker 1 But just because you don't like them doesn't mean they're not going to sell fucking records anymore, whatever the file, the downloads.

Speaker 1 It's like, lady, it's okay you don't like them. The Beatles will be fine.
They were fine before you and they'll be fine after you. And they're fine with your opinion.
I said what I said.

Speaker 1 Oh my god, these fucking goddamn fucking car.

Speaker 1 How does the alarm keep going off?

Speaker 1 Oh my god, my

Speaker 1 wife's gonna fucking kill me. I just woke up everywhere in the house.
This is the second time it fucking happened. Oh, I know.
I'm moving around.

Speaker 1 I'm being animated, which is causing these sensors to go off in the fucking car. You know what these fucking cars are? You know what these cars are? They're like those fucking women on Instagram.

Speaker 1 Everything's gonna be about Instagram because I don't fucking have any other reference at this point. You know, who go on and they go, I don't need a man.
I don't need a man.

Speaker 1 It's like, well, obviously you do. You're missing something.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 You don't need a man. Fine.
Get on with not needing a man. Why do I need to hear about it?

Speaker 1 You don't need a man. Yes, you do, unless you're a lesbian.

Speaker 1 You need somebody, you fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 That's like me walking around saying I don't need a woman. I 100% do.
It's a specific one. The lovely Nia.

Speaker 1 Goddamn right

Speaker 1 I need her. These fucking women, I don't understand what, like, women like that.
What are you trying to prove? Oh, my God, you're so tough.

Speaker 1 You're going to live in a world without love. All right, well, fantastic.
And let me guess, do we all have to suffer now?

Speaker 1 Do you come to town fucking trying to, I don't know, make up for the fact that nobody holds you at night? Nobody rubs your head and tells you it's going to be okay.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 what are you and your vagina gonna do how many gonna fucking fold your legs back over yourself and

Speaker 1 I don't know what rub your head with your fucking uh your taco there I don't I don't know let's do it do whatever you want to do human beings are not meant to be alone

Speaker 1 that's what what I said it no what did she say I said what I said

Speaker 1 Dude, do you realize how funny it is with like what's going on in Iran? What's going on in Israel, Pakistan, who Gaza Strip, the whole fucking world, what this fucking lunatic is doing.

Speaker 1 He's taking everything away from everybody, you know?

Speaker 1 And half the fucking country is cheering him on to do it, destroying the whole fucking thing. He wants his face on fucking Mount Rushmore.
He's clearly mentally fucking ill.

Speaker 1 He's out of his fucking mind. He's literally out of his mind.

Speaker 1 Spent $100 million on a military parade like fucking...

Speaker 1 And your hot take is you think the Beatles are overrated?

Speaker 1 Listen, I get it. You got to keep it light sometimes.
I'm guilty of it too, but like I said what I said. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 What? I said what I said.

Speaker 1 I remember a long time ago, there was a comedian. He went on stage.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to say his name.

Speaker 1 He went on stage and he fucking tagged everything that he said that night with what?

Speaker 1 I said it.

Speaker 1 I'll say it again.

Speaker 1 Like none of us could handle what he was saying.

Speaker 1 Like society was being changed in real time by his shit and dick jokes. What? I said it.

Speaker 1 I'll say it again.

Speaker 1 Once again.

Speaker 1 Once again.

Speaker 1 It's just the funniest shit.

Speaker 1 It's just funny to me watching

Speaker 1 people acting like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, like what they just said. Like you just...

Speaker 1 Like nobody has to be

Speaker 1 freaking out about it. You're just going to assume that everyone is freaking out

Speaker 1 That you just said that. Oh my God, the car made more noise.

Speaker 1 What's going to happen?

Speaker 1 She's going to give me shit. Why'd you leave it in the garage? It's like, because I can't find the fucking opener.

Speaker 1 Here's another thing. Back in the day, back in the day, when I oh, there it is.
There's the opener.

Speaker 1 Okay, now maybe. Okay, now I can get out of the garage.

Speaker 1 Out of the garage. Do do do do do do do.
But what happens is with this fucking car, listen to this shit. You turn it on, right?

Speaker 1 You turn it on,

Speaker 1 you turn it on.

Speaker 1 Oh wait, oh I can't do it. Oh shit.

Speaker 1 I have to unlock it.

Speaker 1 Now it plays the sustained chord.

Speaker 1 Now I press the button.

Speaker 1 Now it's on. Now it bing bong bing bong boong bing

Speaker 1 bing.

Speaker 1 All right, and now like It's projecting my two mile an hour speed limit on the inside of the windshield.

Speaker 1 Remember, people, don't drive distracted as

Speaker 1 they fucking flash information

Speaker 1 inside the goddamn.

Speaker 1 I just realized I haven't driven a car in like fucking five months.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, I did. I came out here.
I snuck out here one day because it was my lovely wife's birthday. And I've never missed that in 21 years.
And my son's birthday was right after. So we did a

Speaker 1 collage. Now I hit stop.

Speaker 1 Now I hit stop.

Speaker 1 And now, look, there's like literally like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what it is. Was that supposed to be like the logo of the car?

Speaker 1 Like the whole fucking windshield is an iPad. Next to an iPad, next to an iPad.

Speaker 1 Don't drive distracted, everybody.

Speaker 1 All right, what if I open the door and then I fucking close it? Does that do it? Nope, it's still playing the chord.

Speaker 1 I have to hit lock inside the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 So now it thinks that I walked away, but now if I shift my weight from one butt cheek to another, it thinks somebody is rocking the car trying to get into this plastic piece of shit.

Speaker 1 I'm driving a fucking iPhone.

Speaker 1 Anyway, speaking of which, yes, so I sold all my vehicles.

Speaker 1 So I'm looking, I'm in the market for something. And like I said, I'm going to buy something.

Speaker 1 I got a good mechanic. I'll get it up and running.
I'm driving something fucking old. Fuck these goddamn new cars.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know, what?

Speaker 1 I don't like new cars. What? I said what I said.
What? I said it. I'll fucking say it again.
Hey, Bill, Bill, nobody's saying

Speaker 1 you can't say it.

Speaker 1 Although there have been some,

Speaker 1 there have been some things that you couldn't say in stand-up. There has been.
I remember when you weren't able to say tranny anymore,

Speaker 1 but the new word was also T-R something.

Speaker 1 Cross-dresser, I don't know, all of those words,

Speaker 1 transvestite. All of those words for some reason overnight became, you can't say that.
and then there was all these new ones.

Speaker 1 Remember that

Speaker 1 it was like

Speaker 1 all of that came and went. Like, remember that music, New Metal?

Speaker 1 A rap, rap and metal, when they tried to do that unholy matrimony, and that usually works,

Speaker 1 like when you combine different genres of music. Or like food, Tex Mex,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 Asian-infused cornflakes, whatever whatever the fuck they say, right? Japanese-infused fucking baked potato.

Speaker 1 It's a baked potato, but we did, right? And then we put a little soy sauce on it because I remember one time I went to a Chinese restaurant.

Speaker 1 So, you know, they're just out of ideas on the food network. They're just, they just, they're just throwing it all in the bowl now.

Speaker 1 This is a Swedish-infused Brazilian dish.

Speaker 1 Hey, you know, yeah, I said what I said.

Speaker 1 I don't like the Beatles. I said what I said, all right.

Speaker 1 Well, you know, I'm still gonna listen to them.

Speaker 1 And I'm okay that you're not.

Speaker 1 You know, when I pull up to the red light, you can you can judge me. You can roll your fucking eyes and all of that.
You know what I'll do for you? I'll act like your opinion actually affects me.

Speaker 1 Like, oh no, I'm embarrassed.

Speaker 1 I fucking love the Beatles.

Speaker 1 You know what album I listened to the other day?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 on

Speaker 1 my flight back,

Speaker 1 when he came back, guess

Speaker 1 who came back to LA?

Speaker 1 I always heard that thing, you know, the revolution will not be televised. The revolution will not be televised.
And that was an expression when I was growing up. Well, it came from this album.

Speaker 1 This is from my people, for Caucasians, because most of us don't know this album. Gil Scott Heron, Pieces of a Man.
Fucking amazing. It's a fucking masterpiece.

Speaker 1 I listened to that on the plane ride back, and

Speaker 1 you know, I'm white, so he's not talking to me, but I enjoyed the music.

Speaker 1 What? I said what I said.

Speaker 1 I listened to that album of protests, and I was really mainly listening to the musicians.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 yes, it's okay

Speaker 1 to not like the Beatles.

Speaker 1 You can do that. And I support it.
And if you don't need a man, there you go. You want to walk the earth like fucking Bill Bixby in the Hulk?

Speaker 1 You just want to fucking walk around with a goddamn backpack and come to and fro, you know, and let everybody know. No, you know what? You let everybody know how much you don't fucking need, you know,

Speaker 1 a woman or a man and all of this shit.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 Here's another one thing that fucking drives me nuts on fucking Instagram. I hate when there's like somebody actually says something.

Speaker 1 You know, it's actually information like, wow, I never looked at something like that or that's that's whatever, whatever the hell it is, right?

Speaker 1 And the person who posts it puts themselves in the video, nodding, pointing to their head, or pointing at the person talking, like, ooh, ooh, ooh, listen to this part. I am listening to it.

Speaker 1 I speak this language.

Speaker 1 Why are you in the video? You don't have anything to do with this. This wasn't your thought.
This isn't even your video. You just took this content and then you stuck yourself in it.

Speaker 1 Why are you in it smiling and nodding and pointing?

Speaker 1 I literally have to put my fucking hand over the person's.

Speaker 1 I don't know. This is stupid.
Like, why do I give a shit? No, now this is what I'm complaining about.

Speaker 1 I just gave that woman shit for talking about how she didn't like the fucking Beatles, thinking she just blew everybody's mind.

Speaker 1 And here I am going out with all this stuff for the world, and here I am getting annoyed in Instagram videos. And isn't that life?

Speaker 1 Isn't that part of being a human being? Just being hypocritical five minutes later?

Speaker 1 I have

Speaker 1 a stand-up show coming up in Glendale July 3rd because I'm getting ready to do international dates because I'm a fucking idiot.

Speaker 1 I don't know why I booked all of this shit so close to this play, but it is, it's a different muffle.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers.
Terms apply.

Speaker 1 I am getting to London. I'm going to try to go to Wimbledon.
I didn't realize Wimbledon was going on at the same time. If I can make it, if I can make it there,

Speaker 1 I'm going to,

Speaker 1 that'll be the last tennis major. I've been to Roland Garrows twice.

Speaker 1 Not trying to show off. I've been to the U.S.
Open a couple times. I lucked out and was doing a tour in 2015 in Australia.
And I got to Melbourne.

Speaker 1 I walked in my hotel and there was this giant tennis ball. I'm like, what's that about? I was like, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Is the Australian Open happy? Yes, that was the one I thought I would never get to. I always thought if I was going to go to one,

Speaker 1 well, I was living in New York, so obviously U.S. Open plays there every year, so that was an easy one.

Speaker 1 But I always thought Wimbledon was going to be the first one that I would go to because I fucking grew up watching Breakfast at Wimbledon with Dick Enberg. Rest his soul.

Speaker 1 I don't know if they still call it that.

Speaker 1 I haven't seen it in fucking years. I've been so busy with the kids.
But

Speaker 1 I go all the way back to John Mackerel,

Speaker 1 Bjorn Borg and I saw

Speaker 1 I think the last year Borg beat McEnroe and then the next year McEnroe beat Borg

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 then I was hooked and I just watched it I watched it religiously throughout the 80s

Speaker 1 through like you know Boris Becker, Yvonne Lendl, Andre Agassi,

Speaker 1 Jim Currier, the guy who looked like Phil Sims.

Speaker 1 Into Pete Sampras.

Speaker 1 And then somewhere around there, when his career started,

Speaker 1 I got into show business. And, you know, I'd just been fucking busy.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. That's a reference to Luther in 48 Hours.
He picks up Eddie Murphy's

Speaker 1 Hey, this parking ticket is like seven years old. Yeah, I've been busy.
Yeah, that's what happened. I got into stand-up, and

Speaker 1 you know, I've just been fucking,

Speaker 1 I don't know, trying to get somewhere, fill the void, whatever the fuck I was doing, and I kind of lost it. But I would love to get back into it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so

Speaker 1 I've paid attention

Speaker 1 over the years, watching some of the greats,

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 the way I watched it in the 80s,

Speaker 1 I just, you know, I saw like the end of, yeah, McEnroe's career, Jimmy Connors,

Speaker 1 and then all the women, like Chris Everett Lloyd was killing it, and then Martina Napitralova came along,

Speaker 1 and then

Speaker 1 Steffi Graff.

Speaker 1 I remember all of that shit. I would watch both.
I actually, in a lot of ways, preferred the women's because it was best two out of three.

Speaker 1 Like, you know, a five-setter with Amer with the men is great, but like after a while, it's like, fuck, dude, I gotta get on with my life here.

Speaker 1 You know, I get two days off. You're eating one of them up.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway, I might do that as I'm I'm doing a benefit out there.

Speaker 1 Then I have

Speaker 1 Abu Dhabi. When I say Abu, you say Abu, Abu.

Speaker 1 I got that gig, and then I do a gig in Milan, Italy, stay there for a few days

Speaker 1 and drink the best coffee in the world. Hopefully, I've never had a cup of coffee out there, but everybody's telling me Japan and Italy, the country of Italy,

Speaker 1 I guess everywhere, makes

Speaker 1 the best coffee. I'm waking up.
I'm acting like Japan is a city. Japan is also a country.
Japan and Italy

Speaker 1 make the best coffee. That's what I've heard.
Although some people have been talking shit about how great the coffee is down in Australia.

Speaker 1 You know, now that I'm in this world.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I've been catching up on the MotoGP.

Speaker 1 If you have never watched a Moto GP race, the race from Italy this year, the first seven, eight laps is what's going to get you addicted to this sport.

Speaker 1 Absolutely

Speaker 1 incredible.

Speaker 1 And I don't know, I just, I don't understand

Speaker 1 how, like,

Speaker 1 you know, both Mark Marquez

Speaker 1 and Peko Benyay are riding for the factory Ducati, and Mark is that much faster.

Speaker 1 I know he's like the master being the latest on the brakes, but like once he gets out, the only guy who can fuck with them is his brother,

Speaker 1 Alex. And like

Speaker 1 he's also riding a Ducati, but it's not the

Speaker 1 factory team. That I also don't understand.
But he's still riding a Ducati. It's still their

Speaker 1 parts.

Speaker 1 So what does that come down to?

Speaker 1 They don't get as much support as the factory team.

Speaker 1 The pit crew isn't quite as experienced. I don't know what it is.

Speaker 1 But I will tell you,

Speaker 1 that race in Italy was incredible. And

Speaker 1 if I wasn't doing the play, one of these years I have to go to it.

Speaker 1 If I remember correctly, I think it's the fastest track as far as that straightaway, the speeds that they hit. They get up around 210, 215 miles an hour, which is absolutely fucking insane.

Speaker 1 Side by side. And then playing a game of chicken of who can come on the brakes the latest and not go wide into the fucking turn or whatever.
I don't know.

Speaker 1 So that guy shoots underneath you.

Speaker 1 Bill, you're going to just take us through the whole race? You're just going to explain the whole guy thing? All right, you're right.

Speaker 1 Unfucking believable.

Speaker 1 Unfucking believable, this fucking car. This fucking goddamn fucking, you can't even fucking sit in the fucking car.

Speaker 1 So my option is if I have to sit in the car with the fucking interior light on, is it plays this stupid sustained note?

Speaker 1 You know what really annoys me about electric cars? Why do they have to make noise?

Speaker 1 Right? The thing's electric. Like, what are you ashamed of? Be what you are.

Speaker 1 And of course, it can't just make a fucking car noise. It has to make this obnoxious noise like this fucking symphony.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not driving a plastic piece of fucking shit.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 I just waited it out. Maybe I needed to have more patience.
I don't fucking understand it. I went on the goddamn internet.

Speaker 1 Oh, yes, boys and girls, and I tried to figure out how to get that fucking stupid goddamn

Speaker 1 speedometer off of the inside of the fucking windshield. I literally like take a hat and I throw it on the dashboard

Speaker 1 to try and block it. It's like, why are you showing me shit? Why are you waving information? I'm not flying a a Blackhawk helicopter here.

Speaker 1 I'm driving down the fucking street trying not to hit somebody on a scooter, and you're showing me the fucking stock market ticker tape. Whatever that fucking thing is.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I guess it's me. I guess it's me.

Speaker 1 I just lived long enough that I don't understand what the fuck anything is anymore.

Speaker 1 Here's one that I love is,

Speaker 1 this is something that my gut told me was true, so I just searched it. I love when you say like, you know, you download a new app and it asks if you can, if it, if, if it can like track you.

Speaker 1 And then what do you do? You say no, you opt out.

Speaker 1 Right? And then I'm just sitting there going like, how do I know that like they actually

Speaker 1 How do I know that they actually do it at that point? All they did was just give me, you know, the illusion of choice here.

Speaker 1 So I look it up. I go, do apps track you after you tell them not to? And the person said, yes, most of them do.
That was the information. Even if you delete the app, it's still tracking you.

Speaker 1 Like these are American companies spying on you

Speaker 1 without your permission.

Speaker 1 And nobody in the government is fucking doing a goddamn thing about it. Oh, the birds are around.

Speaker 1 Look at that.

Speaker 1 Just to let you know, so all of you people who think you're on, what is it,

Speaker 1 incognito mode, there's no such thing. It's your computer.
It's registered to you, and there's people watching every fucking thing that you're doing on it.

Speaker 1 So like, you know, I'm in fucking double secret shadow mode. Oh, are you?

Speaker 1 Ah, Jesus fucking Christ. All right, so the latest thing.

Speaker 1 I'm finding out like all these, these, you know, these underus that people wear at the gym are actually made out of plastic and other chemicals and you sweat and they seep into your body and they make you sick and these fucking people that sell it to you they know what like like

Speaker 1 I just don't understand I'm really just starting to feel like

Speaker 1 you know I thought what the way that they were going to deal with

Speaker 1 you know the overpopulation of the world was they were gonna you know do some Nazi shit

Speaker 1 you know march everybody into ovens but I I believe what they're now gonna do, they're just gonna kill us with

Speaker 1 our clothes and our food.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it's not even that deep. Maybe it's just,

Speaker 1 I don't know, human nature. But, anyways, so I guess you gotta go back to dressing like they did when I was growing up.
And you know what? There was never anything wrong with those cotton sweatpants.

Speaker 1 And I bet now it's impossible to find those.

Speaker 1 So, anyway,

Speaker 1 but you know, the most important issue right now are

Speaker 1 illegal immigrants.

Speaker 1 That's why your life sucks. That's why you keep getting cancer.
That's why you're sick. That's why you can't get a job.
It's because of these people.

Speaker 1 It's not because of these fucking psycho-billionaires that make clothes that actually give you cancer, evidently. And ironically enough, you wear them going to the fucking gym.
And this is the thing.

Speaker 1 This is if that information is even fucking true. You know, because for some fucking reason, the internet that everybody is on and everybody pays attention to, there's no rules of libel or slander.

Speaker 1 You can just write whatever you want. You can't threaten anybody,

Speaker 1 but you can totally, you know, just put misinformation out there as much as you want.

Speaker 1 It's a great time to be alive.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 let's get into the reads here for the week. Oh, Cash App, everyone.
Is paying the entire bill and saying, just get me back next time cool or or lame when you could just split it through Cash App.

Speaker 1 Why is that? Well, it all depends on who you're at dinner with. Making money moves should be easy, and that's why there's Cash App.

Speaker 1 It's fast, safe, and honestly, just way more personalized than the other apps out there. Well, I don't think you had to like take down all the other apps, man.
Unfucking believable.

Speaker 1 Unfucking fucking goddamn fucking believable. I don't fucking understand this fucking car.

Speaker 1 I don't understand this fucking goddamn fucking car.

Speaker 1 Just do not fucking understand what is wrong with this fucking car.

Speaker 1 Can you can you not sit in the car?

Speaker 1 Is that what it is?

Speaker 1 Are you not allowed to sit in the fucking what way can I always is it cuz oh I don't have the seatbelt on bang bang funny You know what's funny?

Speaker 1 You know what's funny is my wife wife is gonna give me shit. Like, this is my fault.
It's like, this isn't my fault. This is your car's fault.

Speaker 1 Look at this fucking stupid thing.

Speaker 1 It has on the inside. I've never even looked at this shit.
The inside of the windshield,

Speaker 1 it has the speed limit, how fast I'm going,

Speaker 1 and then a sign to remind me to have my hands 10 and 2

Speaker 1 on the fucking steering wheel.

Speaker 1 I know know what you guys are saying. Bill, just fucking go on the owner's manual.
I can't figure it out. There is a way to opt out.
There is a fucking way to shut it off.

Speaker 1 If you can tell me how to fucking do it, you're better than I am.

Speaker 1 That's another thing, too. There's like no information.
There's just no fucking information on how the fuck.

Speaker 1 How the fuck

Speaker 1 to shut this fucking shit off.

Speaker 1 Anyways, but as I was saying earlier, Cash App, everyone,

Speaker 1 Cash App.

Speaker 1 Cash App. It's way more personalized than those other apps out there.
No extra hoops to jump through, no extra stress. All the tools are right there to help you cash in.

Speaker 1 Plus, sending money with Cash App

Speaker 1 actually feels safe.

Speaker 1 They didn't say it is safe. They just said it feels safe.
At what point is sending any money over the internet feel fucking safe?

Speaker 1 They look out for you. If something seems sketchy or they see you might be sending money to a potential scammer.
Oh, here we go. They'll warn you.
I wouldn't do that if I was you

Speaker 1 and make you think twice before you hit send.

Speaker 1 It's like having a personal bodyguard for your cash. All right, relax.

Speaker 1 You can even spice up your payments. Ooh, what are you buying? With custom text, stamps, and backgrounds.
Because why should paying your friend for brunch be so boring?

Speaker 1 Well, why are they so fucking self-involved that I got to throw them a parade to pay for half a quesadilla?

Speaker 1 If for whatever reason, if for whatever insane reason you already don't have Cash App, just download it from your phone's app store, sign up, enter our code BURR, B-U-R-R10.

Speaker 1 In your profile, send $5 to a friend and you get $10 just for getting started.

Speaker 1 For limited time only, new Cash App users can use our exclusive code to earn some additional cash. For real, there's no catch.
Just download Cash App and sign up.

Speaker 1 Use our exclusive referral code BIRT10 in your profile and send $5 to a friend within 14 days, and you'll get $10

Speaker 1 dropped right into your account. Terms apply.
That's money. That's Cash App.
Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is now streaming on Hulu.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd Bezos now, ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Watch Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, now streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundled subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Well, all right, then, here we go. I think at this point we go back to, we're going to the reads.

Speaker 1 The Rex Reads. I'm too mean to give a 10.
Anybody used to watch the gong show? Bana, bam, bam, bam. All right.

Speaker 1 Here we go. The reads.

Speaker 1 Fifth grade girls plot to kill boy in their class from a lady. What?

Speaker 1 Bill, this is a crazy story out of Arizona.

Speaker 1 All right, my first thing is, what did this kid say to these women?

Speaker 1 Are you blaming the victim? No, I'm just more fascinated.

Speaker 1 That's a skill to get women that mad at you in the fifth grade.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 A group of girls in the fifth grade conspired to stab a boy in their class because he supposedly broke up with one of them. Fifth grade, Bill.

Speaker 1 All right, well, stabbing him and killing him are two different things. It all depends on where they stab him.

Speaker 1 They planned to lure him into the bathroom, stab him,

Speaker 1 ooh, and leave a fake suicide note.

Speaker 1 They all had roles, including some to stand as lookout for people coming. What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Speaker 1 I was watching tiny tunes in fifth grade and brushing the hair on my favorite unicorn. The amount of young girls being bullied by other girls in the most horrific ways is off the charts.

Speaker 1 Suicide because of online bullying is literally an epidemic. I recommend The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haid, H-A-I-D-T.
It's becoming very popular with parents, especially those with young girls.

Speaker 1 I have bought a few copies for a friend and family and would urge you and your wife to read it. There are so many kids are being affected

Speaker 1 well, there's so many things kids are being affected by when it comes to screens and social media. Most don't consider.
Short attention spans are the least of parental worries. Please read the book.

Speaker 1 Thanks, and go love yourself.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, I'll check that out.
There is a suspicious side of me that you're the person who wrote the fucking book and made all of that shit up so I'd go buy it.

Speaker 1 I will look it up. I will look up that sad story.

Speaker 1 So what happened to those girls? Well, they're females. They're not held accountable for their actions.
What happened? Did they give the boy detention for breaking up with the girl?

Speaker 1 All right, ChatGPT as a therapist.

Speaker 1 Hey there, Billy, pork pie.

Speaker 1 A friend recently told me that

Speaker 1 you can use ChatGPT as a therapist. So I gave it a whirl.
Oh, my God. All right.

Speaker 1 A bit of, you guys, we're all putting each other out of business. What are we doing? Stop using these fucking things because it's convenient.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 1 Whatever. Your vote counts.
Your vote counts. They're not slowly marching us towards extinction.

Speaker 1 So it'll just be a bunch of billionaires in the robots that do all their work and that they can fucking have. sex with, whatever the fuck it is that they're working towards.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 a bit of background. 40 plus father of a beautiful four.
You know what they're going to do in the future? Billionaires, they're going to wipe out everybody except,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 a select group of human beings that they then impregnate and then harvest their organs so that they can then stay alive forever. I think that that's the game plan.
A bit of a background.

Speaker 1 40 plus father of a beautiful four-year-old girl. I was raised by addicts, so left home at 16.
Oh, that's brutal. Sorry, that happened to you.

Speaker 1 And I've become what I consider to be a moderate success in life.

Speaker 1 Having said that, I've always had to be my own therapist

Speaker 1 due to the cost. I am mature enough to understand that everyone should go to therapy and certainly sufficiently

Speaker 1 traumatized to get triggered

Speaker 1 to the front of the line.

Speaker 1 Dude, what happened with that sentence? Having said that, I've always had to be my own therapist due to the cost. I am mature enough to understand that everyone should go to therapy and certainly

Speaker 1 sufficiently

Speaker 1 traumatized to get

Speaker 1 triaged

Speaker 1 to the front line.

Speaker 1 T-R-I-A-G-E-D. What the fuck word is that? I've never seen that word in my life.
I don't know. So I gave this robot therapist a go, and I have to say, it is generally a huge help.

Speaker 1 Can I ask you a question? Are these real people, am I saying the wrong things on these podcasts? So now people are just writing the opposite fucking opinion here.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 You know what else would be a real fucking help? It's fucking going to a real therapist.

Speaker 1 It's genius, but you can't afford it because the billionaires are squeezing it out. The same ones who are now making a robot therapist that you then go to them because it's easier and more convenient.

Speaker 1 Okay, I get it. This is the new world.

Speaker 1 And it's generally a huge help. It asks meaningful questions and factors in everything you've told it into answers.
Yeah, and it also puts it all into your file and builds it.

Speaker 1 When it does whatever it wants with that, I don't know, sells it. It is a shining light into the dark corners.
and putting things into perspective that I have not yet considered.

Speaker 1 It's also kind of interesting that because it's a robot, you lack the inhibition to be honest or the impulse to paint yourself as the good guy or martyr. Curious to hear your thoughts on that.

Speaker 1 That all sounds terrifying to me, sir. The level that you're trusting this technology.
Do you think you're just speaking into this thing and nobody's listening to that?

Speaker 1 That that's not saved, it doesn't go somewhere?

Speaker 1 Anyways, the person says, thanks for being like a cool old uncle to myself and many others, I'm sure. Dave.
All right, Dave. Well, I'm happy this thing worked for you.

Speaker 1 I, you know, hey, maybe you're right. I've never used the thing.
I have like a fucking paranoia and a suspicion about shit like that. I'm not,

Speaker 1 I don't trust

Speaker 1 anything anymore. Okay? The fact that my own countrymen can turn the food supply into poison and go to sleep at night.
and do the things that they do,

Speaker 1 lie to the American people to get us involved in shit in other countries my entire fucking life. And then decades later, you find out the real reason that we went there.

Speaker 1 And it's always the same sort of greed, land grab, you know, fossil fuel thing, whatever the fuck it is.

Speaker 1 I'm just, maybe I'm too fucking jaded. Maybe that's what it is.
I don't know. Triggered by nerd.

Speaker 1 Dear Bill Bellichek.

Speaker 1 Like, what fucking shape do I have to get in when the fat jokes fucking stop?

Speaker 1 I find myself relating even more to your anger at these tech nerd assholes after being triggered by one recently. Okay.

Speaker 1 I was watching in an interview with some dude who owns a website that creates music using AI.

Speaker 1 His sales pitch was unbelievable. He looked at the interviewer with a totally straight face and said, Most people don't like making music.

Speaker 1 You either have to learn an instrument or some complicated software.

Speaker 1 I'm sitting there watching it like, yes, it's called being a fucking musician or a fucking producer.

Speaker 1 Yeah, this is all.

Speaker 1 Yeah, like those, like Spotify and those, those websites, they're now like creating bands that don't exist, making like psychedelic, like vibe music. And then they have bots listen to it

Speaker 1 so it gets into your thing, like, and then you see, like, wow, this thing has 500 million fucking, whatever, 500,000 listens. This must be good music.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and this is what my point is about all of this shit: is these fucking people,

Speaker 1 these billionaires, they don't want to pay anybody anything. They never have.

Speaker 1 And if you fucking read up on history,

Speaker 1 we've constantly had to have had to revolt and band together so they will just pay us a living wage.

Speaker 1 They don't want to do it. The people that are telling you right now that illegal immigrants are your big fucking problem,

Speaker 1 there's a reason they're, they're, oh, look at them. Look at these people.
Look at this country. Look at this race.
That's all they do. It's all they do.
And why wouldn't they do it?

Speaker 1 We fucking fall for it every fucking time.

Speaker 1 All right, anyway, the vibe he gave was that he either tried and failed or just couldn't be bothered learning to play or produce.

Speaker 1 So he was like, fuck it, let's just take the talent aspect out of creating music and I'll make money out of it. As a former band musician, I can't express how much it pissed me off.

Speaker 1 I haven't felt the urge to punch a total stranger in the face so much since the last election. Anyways, thanks for all you do.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 much love to the family. P.S.
I was going to type out go fuck yourself in binary computer code, but it's too long and I'm a lazy cunt.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 well, here's something positive. You do have the power to go see live music.
You have the power to go to mom and pop stores with the choices that you make.

Speaker 1 If you're always choosing convenience and price, which is how they get you, it's so genius. They're the ones tanking the dollar.

Speaker 1 And then they steer you into having to make a choice that, in the long run, is against your best interest. That's sort of the game.
They're fucking reptiles, dude. I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 1 They're fucking reptiles.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 All right. Well, that's the podcast, everybody.
Enjoy.

Speaker 1 I don't know, enjoy the next fucking couple of days, you know,

Speaker 1 out there in this goddamn world, whatever direction where we're headed in.

Speaker 1 I don't know what anything is anymore. I'm just trying to go back in time.
I'm going to drive old cars

Speaker 1 and just pretend everything's okay.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it.

Speaker 1 That's kind of a fucking low note to end on. I apologize.
All right. You know what? Good always triumphs over evil.
This isn't the first time we've been in an evil period of lizard people.

Speaker 1 We will triumph as we always do. Just try to be nice to each other.
All right, that's it. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll talk to you later.