Summer, Tambourines, Classic Cars | Monday Morning Podcast 8-25-25

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 25th, 2025. What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 1 Oh, what's going on in this echoey room I'm in?

Speaker 1 Hope all's good with you. Holy shit, the fucking summer is over.

Speaker 1 Oh boy, my kids are back in school. I think I get more sad than they do.
I fucking hate when the summer's over just not into that at all like my favorite thing is when they're they're just around

Speaker 1 and um that's like a big um

Speaker 1 like a big back and forth with me and my lovely wife is like she's always like stressing about activities like we got to give them activities they gotta they gotta have stuff that they gotta go do and i'm always just like no they don't They had activities all year.

Speaker 1 They had activities all year. This is what you you want them still in their pajamas at like 10 in the morning.
That's how I look at it.

Speaker 1 This whole fucking thing where you got it like, you know, get your kid on some travel team for fucking soccer and they're going around the goddamn fucking state.

Speaker 1 You got your whole life

Speaker 1 to drive around and go do shit.

Speaker 1 It's summer vacation. Get up whenever you get up,

Speaker 1 grab a box of cereal, whatever you want to do.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, we'll see how the day shakes out. I, you know, I'm not saying that that's the right way, but I'm saying it, there's a nice balance because

Speaker 1 then my, my lovely wife will be like, hey, I signed him up for this thing, right? And at first I'm always thinking, I'm rolling my eyes like, oh, Jesus Christ, what is this? What, what, what, what,

Speaker 1 what is it? You know, and then it's like you sign him up and now I don't get a break. I don't get a break from having to get up and take them to school.

Speaker 1 Now instead of school, I'm taking them to this other fucking thing. But she ended up signing him up for just was like a one-week camp, you know, day camp.
He didn't like stay there overnight.

Speaker 1 I don't fucking get that at all. People shipping their kids off to camp.

Speaker 1 I mean, didn't you ever see fucking Friday the 13th, Crystal Lake? You know, that's what I always think.

Speaker 1 I always think it's going to be a bunch of fucking, you know, 17 and eight year old, 18-year-olds, right?

Speaker 1 17 17 and your teenage kids smoking weed, trying to hook up with each other and not paying attention to the kids. Like, either that, or there's going to be some, like, fucking,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 sociopath kid, or some kid with distant, awful fucking parents, and he's going to be bullying all the kids. It's just like, why would I do that? Why the fuck would I? I'm not doing that shit.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 but I will say the camp that she signed him up for was

Speaker 1 tremendous. But anyways, today was the,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know, sort of, and they sort of started last week, but like today's like the official, you know, starting or whatever. And

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm psyched.
I'm psyched that they're in school, back with their friends or whatever. But I get, I swear to God.

Speaker 1 Like when kids go going back to school, like I get it. I'm like, I know, it sucks.
It sucks. I fucking hated that.
I don't say the F bar. I try not to anyway.

Speaker 1 But anyway, they're back in school. So

Speaker 1 that sucks. But

Speaker 1 when they're back in school, that does mean something good, though. Aside from them learning and being back with their friends and stuff, it also means that football season is right around the corner.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't have any road.
I don't very little road work this year for the rest of the year.

Speaker 1 So I'm actually going to be around

Speaker 1 to watch the games. So

Speaker 1 I think,

Speaker 1 I don't know, I got to pick a college team. God.

Speaker 1 Speak of the devil. I don't know if you guys heard that.
My son was coming. Dad.

Speaker 2 Dad.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm going to miss that. Anyway, so I'm going to be watching a bunch of sports.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking crushing my French.

Speaker 1 Like, I do the Duolingo thing, and this woman, Lily, you know, this AI fucking thing, calls you up or whatever, probably taking a picture of your face, making a robot replacement.

Speaker 1 But in the meantime, you know, she's super aloof, super sarcastic, because that's people's idea of what French people are like, which is not true. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Listen, you can find a snobby Parisian, absolutely, but France is a big country. Okay, drive around.
You're going to meet great people. And there's great people in Paris.

Speaker 1 And a lot of times, if they're being snooty or obnoxious you know a lot of time it's it's you you know you came in with your fucking Crocs and your giant stupid fucking sippy cup you know walking in there like a 42 year old toddler going to going to a water park you know so they're going to be a cunt to you anyway

Speaker 1 If she, when you interact with her, she calls you up and you practice French talking to her. And,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 if she doesn't understand what you're just talking about, the fucking conversation will be like a minute long and she'll just get off the phone.

Speaker 1 And as I've gone along, it's gotten longer and longer. Today was my record.
I talked to her for six minutes and 31 seconds before she was like, you know,

Speaker 1 like au revoir, you know, whatever the fuck she always says to me.

Speaker 1 But I can really like,

Speaker 1 you know, listen to her talking, and I'm, I don't have to be like stopping in my brain thinking about what the, I kind of just know what she's saying, knowing what she's talking about.

Speaker 1 It's still not like listening to English where it's like the comprehension is just, I just understand it. It's, I'm somewhere between

Speaker 1 being like that. and having to translate every other fucking word and think about it, then I miss the next 10 words and then I'm lost.
I'm somewhere in between that now where I can kind of just

Speaker 1 understand,

Speaker 1 you know, enough of each sentence that I know the gist of what she's saying. I'm still translating it in my head, but it's like really

Speaker 1 exciting.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I don't know about you guys, but you know, just living here in America and just growing around people speaking English, trying to learn that language to me just seemed like fucking impossible.

Speaker 1 And I'm finding it's just like anything else.

Speaker 1 that if you just sort of stick with it, all of a sudden, you know, there's different levels that you graduate to, and then one day, all of a sudden, you're doing it.

Speaker 1 You know, it's no different than learning to play an instrument or whatever the fuck it is you're doing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 speaking of that, I just got all new heads on my drum kit, and I got the remote hi-hat. And I took a lesson with Dave Elich, who has a new

Speaker 1 drum program.

Speaker 1 online course

Speaker 1 which for my money that guy has done his research. He's accumulated all the information.
And if you want the most up-to-date,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 how to like play without hurting yourself and having to exert all this extra energy, what I love about the way he teaches is he doesn't change the way you play.

Speaker 1 He makes playing what you want to play easier and more efficient. And

Speaker 1 anyway, he came over because I got my drum kit and then I had a couple extra drums. So I bought a little 20-inch bass drum.

Speaker 1 I got the Gretsch broadcasters, which are fucking amazing, amazing sounding drums. So I made a little kit for my daughter and my son to play on.
And they can play beats now and stuff.

Speaker 1 It's fucking awesome. So he came over and

Speaker 1 tuned up the... the drums and I learned so just watching him doing it like my rack tom it always the sound was always choking on the drum and I couldn't figure out what the fuck I was doing wrong.

Speaker 1 So he started to tune up the top head, the batter side,

Speaker 1 and he goes, why is that choking out? He goes, oh, the bottom head's probably too loose.

Speaker 1 And I said, why do you think it's too loose? He goes, well, the sound from the top, it goes down. It has to ricochet off and come back up.
So the drum sings.

Speaker 1 If you have it too loose, it's just going to go down and die.

Speaker 1 And he tightened up the bottom head and then all of a sudden the drum was singing. I was just like, ah,

Speaker 1 like, that's the kind of

Speaker 1 That's the kind of like drum hack stuff that I love. So, anyway,

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 one of my favorite double bass drum

Speaker 1 songs ever

Speaker 1 doesn't even have a lot of double bass in it. It doesn't have fast double bass.
It just has this really cool pattern that I was telling you guys about. One of my favorite drummers of all time,

Speaker 1 Tim Alexander from Primus, this song, My Friend Fats. And what I loved about it is

Speaker 1 I was saying, I think I just talked about this on the podcast, but I don't give a shit. I'm geeking out about this song.
Is that that,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 that he plays

Speaker 1 on the bass drum? He's also playing it on the hi-hat.

Speaker 1 He plays it all. And in the beginning, that's all it is.

Speaker 1 And it's like,

Speaker 1 so you're thinking like triplets

Speaker 1 one and a two

Speaker 1 and then there's this weird pause

Speaker 1 you're like what the fuck and um

Speaker 1 ilich once again he told me he goes no dude it's actually in four

Speaker 1 it's e end to one that's where that lick is and then he's implying a triplet feel off of that while still playing in four and then it makes common time feel like odd time and i'm just like that is fucking genius I love it so

Speaker 1 um and then he does all these cool fills

Speaker 1 it's so fucking cool um

Speaker 1 so anyway that's like gonna be what I'm working on um and then I'm gonna be doing some shows out here in LA

Speaker 1 putting together some dates everywhere from like you know in LA out to Riverside you know a few other places so I can keep my act tight because next year I'm going to go back out on the road again.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so, I don't know. That's going to be that's going to be my fall.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Other than that,

Speaker 1 you know, going to the gym and all of that fucking bullshit. All right, so that's what I'm up to.
I hope you guys had a good summer.

Speaker 1 If you got kids, I hope you had a great time hanging out with them and all of that. And,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 you're probably psyched at their bad. I mean, I'm not going to lie to you.
There's a part of me, you know, when they go to school, then I get to hang out with my wife more.

Speaker 1 So, you know, it's always, you know, the little like push-pull. But speaking of push-pull, let's talk about the fucking Red Sox versus the Yankees.

Speaker 1 I'm recording this before the fourth game. We've beaten them eight games in a row, you know.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 this game three, it's like we were up like five to one or something. In the bottom of the eighth, they had like two guys on, somebody coming to the plate.
I go, here comes the home run,

Speaker 1 comes the three-run shot. It was five to one.
And I'm going to be five to four. Like, there's no fucking way we're going to keep beating this team.
This is the fucking New York Yankees.

Speaker 1 They don't end up scoring a run, and then they just fall apart. I mean, fall the fuck apart in the top end of the ninth.
Can't get anybody out. We scored scored seven runs.
And in that

Speaker 1 was like,

Speaker 1 you know, a throwing error, a balk.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 so, you know,

Speaker 1 I lived a long time in New York. I'm also out here in LA.
I know a lot of Yankee fans. So I didn't rub it in.
I just said, hey, I'm not being a dick or nothing, right? It's like we're a young team.

Speaker 1 We're finally going in the right direction. I think we could make the wild card.
I think we could maybe win the first round.

Speaker 1 But when we get to these more solid teams, like I don't, you know, I'm not sitting there acting like the Red Sox are going to win the World Series.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying that, but I am excited that we're moving in the right direction. So I'm just asking

Speaker 1 because I have been watching baseball now for

Speaker 1 since 1978,

Speaker 1 whatever that is, like 47 fucking years.

Speaker 1 All right. I've never seen a Yankee team like this.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 no matter, you know, good, bad, or ugly, they always showed up up to play.

Speaker 1 And if you knocked them down, they always got back up.

Speaker 1 You know, it ain't over till it's over. I mean, that came from their own guy, Yogi Berra.
I have never seen a fucking team like this, so it doesn't make sense.

Speaker 1 I know they lost Juan Soto, and I know they had to shut down, what's his face there

Speaker 1 for Tommy John surgery, but that doesn't mean that people stop trying or have like these brain farts.

Speaker 1 So I just asked a couple of like

Speaker 1 big-time psycho Yankee, three of my friends who they're the biggest, like,

Speaker 1 you know, the kind of people you can call in August and they're watching the game.

Speaker 1 Not those October, April fans. I mean, the people that ride through the team.
And I was going like, what the fuck is going on with these guys? You went to the World Series last year.

Speaker 1 I understand you lost Juan Soto. You lost one of your best pitchers, but like,

Speaker 1 this is like the lack of fight. What the fuck is going on?

Speaker 1 And according to them, and the rumor

Speaker 1 with that team is that Boone is not making decisions as much as it's like somebody like on the mezzanine level in an office at a fucking computer.

Speaker 1 So they make all of these decisions, like literally the batting lineup, how long to keep somebody in or take them out is all being made

Speaker 1 on a computer.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, their lack of vibe totally made sense.

Speaker 1 Like, you can't plug human beings into a fucking computer and not expect, you know, that look on your kid's face when they're looking at a fucking tablet or watching TV. Like, it just glazes over.

Speaker 1 Like, we somehow

Speaker 1 have gone from the Earl Weaver, Billy Martin, Lasorda, Lou Pinela, all those great fiery fucking managers

Speaker 1 to like, and I think a baseball manager, if you're going to go that route, is just like a fucking Matri D.

Speaker 1 You know, who's up next? I don't know. They're checking like, you know, their reservations or whatever.
And it's like, I was joking with my buddy because,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I don't like rubbing in.

Speaker 1 I'm not rubbing it in on a team that has 27 championships and we have nine. I'm not going to, in one fucking season, we're getting the better of you.
I'm not one of those douches,

Speaker 1 you know. And there's a lot of Red Sox fans like that.
There's a lot of Yankee fans like that. There's a lot of sports fans like that.
And those people are just fucking jerk-offs.

Speaker 1 Whack-a-mole fans is what I call them. They're underground, and then when their team wins, all of a sudden they pop up.
You get a text, and you look at the text thread.

Speaker 1 You haven't heard from them in a couple of years. Those fucking douches.

Speaker 1 I was joking with that guy, the Yankee fan, going like

Speaker 1 because he was going, you know, I want a manager that smokes in the dugout.

Speaker 1 And I knew what he was saying.

Speaker 1 And I was saying, like, yeah, like, if you, if it was the weekend and you got invited to two parties, one of them was being thrown by Spock and the other was being thrown by Captain Kirk, which one you going to?

Speaker 1 Which one's going to have the vibes?

Speaker 1 Which one is Ron Burgundy going to go to and do a cannonball into the pool? It's Captain Kirk. You got to have the fucking human element.
And

Speaker 1 I think a lot of people are going to take a lot of heat over there on the Yankees and

Speaker 1 people might lose their fucking jobs and they're not going to fix the fucking problem if they keep, if that's what the, if that's what the fuck they're doing.

Speaker 1 If you're going to take the human element out of the game.

Speaker 1 You know, I mean, one of the best things about the game is, you know, I always felt like what really separated a good manager from a great manager is how well he knew his team.

Speaker 1 So he knew when somebody was off or he knew if they're, he's settling down.

Speaker 1 Okay, I know what you're watching right now. If you don't watch us every day, it looks ridiculous that I'm not taking him out, but I know this kid.
I know what he's got.

Speaker 1 I know what he's going through. And I know him well enough that, like, even though this doesn't make sense to the naked eye, me, who knows this kid,

Speaker 1 knows I can ride another inning and you know, know he's going to turn it around or he's got a chance to or whatever or

Speaker 1 I as the manager know you know what

Speaker 1 there's something wrong with him I got to shut him down and when you just I don't know what you fucking

Speaker 1 you got some nerd standing behind a fucking cash register just pressing fucking buttons

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 I don't know

Speaker 1 I just don't

Speaker 1 like the second he told me that that that that that was the the rumor of how they were managing the team, all of a sudden, this lack of vibe and passion on their team totally made sense.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 1 and I got to be honest, as a baseball fan, as a Red Sox fan, it's it, the series has been fucking boring,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? It's like

Speaker 1 you've taken that element out of it.

Speaker 1 So, I don't know, strange. The whole fucking thing is just a uh,

Speaker 1 it's just, it's just,

Speaker 1 I don't know, it's why I drive old cars.

Speaker 1 You know, like, like,

Speaker 1 my wife's car, God bless her.

Speaker 1 It's like she puts in the map,

Speaker 1 like,

Speaker 1 where to go.

Speaker 1 And it's just so fucking over designed. I got a map.
I literally have a voice going like, turn right in 400 feet. I got that.
Then there's also a map.

Speaker 1 And on top of the map, there's like video of you driving down the street superimposed over the fucking map. So when you look down, like, what? I'm going to look down and do what?

Speaker 1 Watch where I'm going and look at the map.

Speaker 1 It's like

Speaker 1 through all of this extra safety, which it really isn't extra safety. It's just new shit to make your old car that's fine seem like

Speaker 1 it's not as good anymore. All it does is just fucking distract.
I don't know, for me, anyways.

Speaker 1 So So

Speaker 1 I just got, you know, all I had was my old truck. I just got a new,

Speaker 1 a new old car that I'm driving around in

Speaker 1 that I love. It's a fucking, got a V8,

Speaker 1 you know, manual transmission, no screen.

Speaker 1 You know, just a fucking daily driver. And I absolutely, I love it.
I don't even listen to the fucking radio. I'm just driving down the street.
And guess what? I drive way better.

Speaker 1 I get my wife's car, and I'm so busy getting annoyed by the thing. Like my wife's car, like the new cars, it's like,

Speaker 1 you know, it's like you ever just meet somebody new and they're just doing too much.

Speaker 1 And it's just like, if you would just chill the fuck out, you would get the reaction that you want from other people.

Speaker 1 But you're so fucking insecure that when you don't get the reaction, you just got to try harder and harder and harder. And you end up like pushing people away.
That's what her fucking car does to me.

Speaker 1 But I'm also out of my mind so who knows um

Speaker 1 anyway uh i gotta give a shout i'm gonna start doing this shit giving shout outs to local places that i've been to that are like owned by individuals they aren't chain chains you know so fuck all these corporations this goes back to those you know pete's coffee and fucking you know timmy's donuts and shit there's no pete in there there's no tim it's a fucking corporation fuck them all right um my My wife took me to a breakfast at this place called Alta Adams, A-L-T-A Adams.

Speaker 1 And they had a brunch down there, and I went there and they had oxtail on the menu. And the first time I ever got oxtail, I was at a restaurant called Lupa in the village, Mario Battale.

Speaker 1 I was a huge fan of his before all the bullshit. I still have some of his cookware.

Speaker 1 Still have one of his crock pots.

Speaker 1 But anyway, I had oxtail and I was blown away by how good it tastes. It's really fatty.
It's almost like a pot roast type of thing. So I went in and I saw that they had that on

Speaker 1 the menu.

Speaker 1 The chef over there, Chef Keith Corbin.

Speaker 1 And this lovely woman, Asia Sitchu.

Speaker 1 I didn't get her last name, but we went there. It was me, my wife, and my kids.
And I got oxtail

Speaker 1 with some grits.

Speaker 1 And I got a side

Speaker 1 of eggs over easy.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I got a biscuit that they had butter and this honey. And it was just.

Speaker 1 It was insane. I'm not going to lie to you.
When I left, I was like leaning to one side because I didn't realize how filling oxtail was.

Speaker 1 But I was just thinking with the eggs over easy and the yolk and that fatty meat or whatever and the grits like that could all come together nicely which of course it did but it was really delicious

Speaker 1 and they're great people over there and it's a local place and locally owned business and if you guys have any that places out here

Speaker 1 you know LA has gone through a lot with those fires.

Speaker 1 They've gone through a lot like every other with COVID and these fucking banker cunts cooking the economy and these corporations that are trying to buy up all the houses. It's really insane.

Speaker 1 But, you know, as long as we get all the brown illegal people out of the country, evidently all those white people who are ruining the entire experience of being an American, evidently they're going to grow a heart like the Grinch.

Speaker 1 And once we get all the illegal brown, because what you don't want to focus on who is like, you know, poisoning your children through genetically altering the food.

Speaker 1 You don't want to pay attention to those white people. You want to go down to Home Depot and find some illegal brown people.
That will make it better.

Speaker 1 So fucking stupid. It is so, the whole, it's so fucking stupid.
It's like literally there were like weasels coming in

Speaker 1 and killing all your chickens. So what do you do to stop that? You get a weasel to guard the fucking hen house.
And then the next day you come out, all your chickens are dead again.

Speaker 1 And there's the weasel you hired sitting there with feathers and blood around its its mouth. You're like, what happened? Oh, it was the Mexicans.
It was the Chinese. It's the fucking Middle East.

Speaker 1 No, bro, it's fucking you. You fucking cunt.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I will never understand it.
You know, lying is lying, but at least come up with a good one.

Speaker 1 All right, with that, let's do...

Speaker 1 Let's do a little, let's do some fucking reads here. Did I, did I?

Speaker 1 All right, here they are. Oh, by the way, dude, my temper has been coming back, and I got to get it under control.
Just like sugar came back, I got it under control.

Speaker 1 Except for last night, I fell off the fucking wagon, but I'm going to get back on. I went,

Speaker 1 I went and I saw

Speaker 1 last night. Nia took me.

Speaker 1 She goes, You got it, we got to go see these guys.

Speaker 1 The clips,

Speaker 1 you know, legendary rap duo, push-a-t

Speaker 1 and uh malice who now goes by no malice

Speaker 1 i'm old school i would have gone by absence of malice because i'm a paul newman fan but he goes by no malice so we went down to the nokia theater

Speaker 1 and uh i smoked some weed

Speaker 1 and uh dude it was unbelievable the show they put on

Speaker 1 and uh

Speaker 1 Kendrick Lamar came out and did a a surprise, you know, guest star thing came out and did a whole song. And I thought the fucking roof was going to blow off the place.

Speaker 1 And I'm not going to lie to you, I felt like the fucking old guy there,

Speaker 1 like the level that people were going nuts. Like that would be like I went to see AC DC and Eddie Van Halen came out.
Like it was the same, rest his soul, the same fucking,

Speaker 1 you know, like the place

Speaker 1 went crazy. And

Speaker 1 it was such a great show.

Speaker 1 My favorite part of this show

Speaker 1 was when the two of them, their brothers, they honored their parents. And they had this whole picture of all this whole collage of pictures of their parents' life.

Speaker 1 And they just seemed like the perfect couple, like it was true love and that they were amazing.

Speaker 1 people as individuals and when they came together they were even better and they really it was a really cool thing to see

Speaker 1 especially with entertainers because so many entertainers like you know you ask their childhood and it's a really like

Speaker 1 traumatic thing. So it was really cool to be like, all right, well, you know, to see that they had great parents.
And

Speaker 1 they seem parents seem like old school too. Like my favorite picture in there, there was a picture of their dad, and he was on a motorcycle, and he had a big grin on his face.

Speaker 1 He was turning around, looking over his shoulder, pointing at the camera.

Speaker 1 It was cool. It was like, that guy led life.
You know, he lived life and he fucking enjoyed it.

Speaker 1 Probably my favorite part of the show.

Speaker 1 So anyway, we did that, but then we came back. I was really,

Speaker 1 really, I was like so high, like, I'm not going to fuck with marijuana for like maybe the rest of the year, you know?

Speaker 1 You know, when you get like that level high, where you're like, I think I need to like do some sort of introspection here.

Speaker 1 I was super high. And I had this really funny fucking interaction with this guy.
This black dude came up to me and he goes, Oh shit. He goes, Bill Burr.
He goes, I fucking love you. I love you.

Speaker 1 So I go, oh, you know, thanks a lot. He goes, no, you don't understand.

Speaker 1 And he just kept going. At one point, he said, you're my N-word.

Speaker 1 And I laughed. He goes, yo, he goes, you know, that's real.
He goes, I just called you the N-word. And I go, oh, you know, I appreciate that.
That's what I said.

Speaker 1 Which is one of those stupid things you say when you're high. But I knew what he meant.

Speaker 1 But I was laughing after I said it. You know what I'm saying? I just called you.

Speaker 1 You know what's real when I just refer to you using the N-word and I just go, oh, you know, I appreciate that.

Speaker 1 It was one of those nights. It was just nothing but like

Speaker 1 positive vibes.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 plowing ahead here. Let me do the reads here for the week.
Oh, by the way,

Speaker 1 they have a new album out.

Speaker 1 The clips do that everybody is losing their minds about from what I'm hearing um

Speaker 1 it's uh let God sort them out I think is what they is is the name of it but they did it obviously they did some tracks off of that it all sounded fucking good to me

Speaker 1 so check that out all right here's the

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Speaker 1 And then after a while, like 99% of the fucking time, it was just because somebody bumped into it or somebody, you know,

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There we go.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. He got through it.

Speaker 1 All right. Enough of my babbling.
It's time for your babbling. This is where you write in.
And for whatever reason, after listening to me read out loud that poorly, people still ask me for advice.

Speaker 1 So here we go. Black and white phone screen.

Speaker 1 Hey, Dan Rode Billy. Good call.

Speaker 1 Recently, you've been talking about being addicted to your phone on the podcast. We all know this feeling too well.
Glad to hear you're back to reading books. Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Like one of the greatest things my daughter said to me last night she saw me reading. She goes, Dad, you read a lot.

Speaker 1 No one has ever said that to me in my life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I started reading. I'm reading like plays and like comic book series

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 they're shorter.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 you just don't want to fucking pick up like war and peace. So I'm going to start reading again.
You don't want to, I mean, that's not how I'm wired.

Speaker 1 So I've just been doing that. And then I took the Instagram app and I always had it on the second page of my iPhone.
I just moved it all the way to the back.

Speaker 1 and I replaced it with like YouTube, the YouTube app. And I find the YouTube app to be tremendously tremendously frustrating.
So I don't, you know,

Speaker 1 it's just not a fun app.

Speaker 1 So I sort of mess with it for a little bit and I'm just like, I don't want to fucking do this. And I just shut it off.

Speaker 1 So that's what's been working for me. Anyway, this person says, glad to hear you're back to reading books.

Speaker 1 I've also been getting back into reading lately. And it's a great feeling to spend less time online

Speaker 1 consuming stupid bullshit. Yeah, and you're worried in a way that you're going to be like missing out on something and you're not going to be able to hold a conversation with people, you're fine.

Speaker 1 You're fine. And if something is a big enough trend, it usually makes it to some sort of mainstream thing.

Speaker 1 You know, you'll be able to see the people,

Speaker 1 you know, doing their TikTok dances to the law and order theme, even if you're not online.

Speaker 1 or whatever on that app. Anyway, plowing ahead.
Thank God someone finally wrote in and told you about about scrolling to the top of your phone by accident.

Speaker 1 It was one of those situations where everyone knew what was happening, but no one had the heart to tell you.

Speaker 1 What do you mean no one had the heart to tell me? Like, you're not telling me like, you know, my dog died. Just tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong.

Speaker 1 You know, there's being concerned about someone's feelings, and then there's just fucking enjoying watching somebody struggle. I think that that's what was going on.

Speaker 1 I would have said something. I just didn't have the heart to tell him, to give him the information he needed.
Like, that doesn't even make sense. Anyway, plowing ahead.

Speaker 1 Since you figured that out, I didn't figure that out. Somebody explained it to me.

Speaker 1 Here's another phone tip for you. Try putting your screen in black and white mode.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's cool. There was an episode of Ephesus for Family where they get a color TV and instantly everyone is more addictive to watching TV.
Oh, that's true.

Speaker 1 I had a similar experience when I went from an iPhone 6 to an iPhone 12.

Speaker 1 The phone screen of the 12 was just more vibrant, and I found myself just wanting to look at it more for no reason other than it was appealing to the eye, and my screen time went way up.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you know, that's something that

Speaker 1 I heard a long time ago about food,

Speaker 1 and that the food industry

Speaker 1 looked at heroin addiction

Speaker 1 with envy.

Speaker 1 They didn't look at it as a problem. They looked at it like we want people to be addicted to whatever food we're selling them.

Speaker 1 And they didn't want to use,

Speaker 1 they didn't want to say addictive because that had a negative connotation. So they used the phrase a,

Speaker 1 oh fuck, I just forgot it. What the hell was it? I'm reading now.
It should be a crave ability.

Speaker 1 They wanted their food to have a crave ability, like Doritos. It is impossible to open a bag of Doritos and not just get half, even if you get a big bag.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're going to kill anywhere from a third to a half of it. And after the second handful, there's this voice way in the back of your head, like, I wouldn't do that, dude.

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 1 And you just keep going and going. Sugar, salt, all of that shit.

Speaker 1 And it's weird. They practice on fucking animals, I guess.
You know, they get like some white mouse mouse

Speaker 1 and they don't put the dorito out until the mouse is literally covered in orange dust and they're like all right it literally can't stop it's licking the inside of the bag this is now ready for human consumption um

Speaker 1 anyway plowing ahead here

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 1 recently so okay to get to the phones and stuff like that's the same thing like these all of these things online

Speaker 1 they want you to be like totally just,

Speaker 1 I get, you know, this isn't new information, but like, I guess your phone itself is taking a picture of your face every five fucking seconds,

Speaker 1 which I think then goes into some sort of AI algorithm to see if you have the right dopamine look in your eye and drool coming out of your mouth. I mean, it's fucking evil.

Speaker 1 These fucking nerds are absolutely fucking evil. But the thing is, is if you're evil and you're broke, you're going to go to jail.

Speaker 1 But if you're evil and you have a billion dollars, you're suddenly going to be affecting the direction that humanity moves in.

Speaker 1 Because all of these cunts care about is having enough money

Speaker 1 to basically, I don't know what, feel like they won

Speaker 1 or to get a good-looking woman. I have no fucking idea.

Speaker 1 I don't understand

Speaker 1 how these people's brains work. They're fucking reptiles.
So this this person said, recently I put my phone into black and white mode and it makes it feel less appealing to look at.

Speaker 1 It feels more

Speaker 1 utilitarian. Is that how you spell it? Utilitarian?

Speaker 1 I always thought it was U-T-A-L. It's U-T-I-L? Utilitarian this way.

Speaker 1 That's one of those words. I know how to use it.

Speaker 1 But I don't know what it means.

Speaker 1 Dude, it means stuff is in black and white.

Speaker 1 It's not that hard to do. All you do is go to the iPhone settings, display and text side, color filters, then activate grayscale and set it to 100%.

Speaker 1 You can add a toggle switch to your iPhone so you can instantly turn the color on and off. I don't want to overwhelm you with adding a color toggle.
You know, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Overwhelm me. Like you figured it out and you designed it.
You just know where to go in settings. Fucking relax.

Speaker 1 Don't want to overwhelm you with adding a color toggle button.

Speaker 1 Look it up on YouTube. All right, I will.
I know you're just breaking my balls, but you know,

Speaker 1 I get talked down enough and all of a sudden my freckles, they go from brown to red and I get a little upset. I take exception to it.
I hope this is a three-click process.

Speaker 1 This three-click process is not too much for your middle-aged technology-hating ginger ass.

Speaker 1 Yeah, people my age are not good with technology. People your age are much better at it.
But you know what? Most people your age did not invent it. So

Speaker 1 I don't know what you're excited about.

Speaker 1 Good luck with your Apple genius and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 2 All right,

Speaker 1 I really appreciate all of that information. And I also appreciate the ball busting in the end, but I got to break your balls back and just remind you.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 That's like when someone with a truck pulls up with a bigger truck than yours and it's just like, all right, congratulations.

Speaker 1 You built a, you bought a truck that other men put together that's bigger than mine. All right.
Let's not act like you fucking put the lift kit on it. You didn't.

Speaker 1 I woke, you know what I saw the other day that I really liked?

Speaker 1 I saw a Hummer pickup truck and they had taken the top off.

Speaker 1 And I looked at it. I was like, that's a fucking fun ass looking vehicle.

Speaker 1 Although I was never a fan of the Hummer. I liked it when I saw it.
And then I got in one, and it's like really deceiving.

Speaker 1 There's no room inside. It's like really like, it's almost like you're in one of those cars with a chopped roof.

Speaker 1 However,

Speaker 1 I think if you took it off-road, it's got to be fucking amazing. I mean, that's really what it's for.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do that. I'm going to put it in black and white mode.
I'm going to be that person and act like I'm interesting. All right, obnoxious hippie at concert.

Speaker 1 Oh, brother, I already hate this person. Hey, Billy Baldy, love the podcast and was hoping you could weigh in on something.

Speaker 1 You're 100% right.

Speaker 1 If the person was actually an obnoxious hippie,

Speaker 1 I am 100% on your side. This past weekend, my brother and I went upstate for a Neil Young concert.
Neil was great, of course. He's always great.
And so was his new backing band, The Chrome Hearts.

Speaker 1 The show was at an amphitheater and we had general admission tickets on the lawn.

Speaker 1 But we were standing as close to the stage as possible by the rail at the back of the pavilion. During Harvest Moon,

Speaker 1 this older baby

Speaker 1 boomer in front of us

Speaker 1 took a tambourine covered in LED lights out of her bag.

Speaker 1 and started spinning around

Speaker 1 and beating the thing out of time with the music.

Speaker 2 Oh no.

Speaker 1 He goes, I was a few beers deep and loudly told her, put that fucking thing away. You're not in the band.
No one here paid to listen to your entitled ass.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 I'm going to fucking stand up. You know what?

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 2 Good for you.

Speaker 1 Good for you. Oh my god, you should have.
I mean, the old days, they would have been smashed over her fucking head.

Speaker 1 She stopped and went elsewhere. Good.

Speaker 1 A couple people next to me backed me up,

Speaker 1 but my brother says I went too far and she was just having fun. Do you think I was out of line telling her off? Thanks and go fuck yourself.
No.

Speaker 1 Not at all.

Speaker 1 I would say the last time you and your brother fought, you won, and he's just looking for a way to criticize you because there's no fucking way you could be more right than that.

Speaker 1 That was a total, like, it's like, that's one of Neil Young's greatest songs. Neil is up there at age.
Who knows how much longer he's going to tour? This is your one time to hear it live.

Speaker 1 And this fucking jerk off.

Speaker 1 Is going to make no, that, that, that's,

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, I will go beyond what you did. That person,

Speaker 1 whoever marries that person, is going to live a life of misery. That is a self-involved fucking person to a level that there is no medicine and there's no therapy that can help them.

Speaker 1 In a perfect world, that hippie with the tambourine, she would die alone and never reproduce

Speaker 1 if what she has is contagious.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you right now, she's going to get married someday, her husband's going to be miserable and their kids are going to be sad because it's going to be all about her.

Speaker 1 Who the fuck would interrupt Neil Young singing Harvest Moon with an LED tampa?

Speaker 1 Jesus fucking Christ. I'll tell you right now, the last thing I would want to do is

Speaker 1 be you having dinner with whoever the fuck your brother's dating. Because if that behavior isn't out of line for him, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Jesus.

Speaker 1 I'm going to go on on limb right now and say, you know, if he marries something like that, you guys guys are not going to be spending Thanksgiving together anytime fucking soon.

Speaker 1 That's how out of line that fucking lady was.

Speaker 1 Once again, if I was wearing a hat, I would fucking tip it to you. Like, that is like

Speaker 1 round the bases and then come out of the dugout for a curtain call. Good for you.

Speaker 1 Good for you. And all of those people that were around you that like didn't have to deal with their bullshit.

Speaker 2 Ugh.

Speaker 1 Was she in bare feet too, and they were filthy? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 People walk around in bare feet. It's just like

Speaker 1 fucking Johnny Appleseed. It's like,

Speaker 1 it's bottom of their feet. I just...

Speaker 1 I don't understand those people. I don't want to understand those people.

Speaker 1 Take them out back, hose them down, and send them on their way. All right, car collector.

Speaker 1 Hey, Billy Buick, I really love classic cars and hearing you talk about them. I didn't start to fawn over them until I hit my 30s.

Speaker 1 I'm a 45-year-old black man who grew up in the Bronx, so my exposure to cool cars was limited to MTV.

Speaker 1 I'm moving out of the city soon, and I'll have a driveway and garage to properly store and drive one.

Speaker 1 Classic car owners are some of the friendliest people I've ever met. I've met a few guys and a lady who have helped me navigate the ins and outs.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm like getting excited that you're going to tell me what you're going to get.

Speaker 1 Ins and outs of owning a classic car and I'm getting ready to purchase something in the spring.

Speaker 1 My taste has changed from 70s muscle cars to mid to late 60s Fords, specifically Thunderbirds.

Speaker 1 Oh yeah, I mean, those are fantastic.

Speaker 1 And you know what's cool about the Thunderbird is I feel like they changed the way it looked every couple of years. like drastically.

Speaker 1 They also have some in the late 50s 50s and the early 60s that had like that swivel chair when you went to get out. You hit a button and like you didn't have to step out of your car.

Speaker 1 You like literally

Speaker 1 the chair spun with you and then like your legs were pointed out the door and you got up. Some of them had the steering wheel that also moved to the side.

Speaker 1 It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 I am,

Speaker 1 as far as Fords,

Speaker 1 I'm a big fan of the LTDs, the late 60s LTDs.

Speaker 1 I love the Ford Galaxies.

Speaker 1 More of a galaxy guy than a Fairline guy.

Speaker 1 And as far as if you're going to go Muscle Car,

Speaker 1 the Ford Falcon, it's the same chassis as like the Mustang, but it's just,

Speaker 1 I just think it's cooler because it's more rare.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 For my money, that's what I would go. But that's incredible.
I'll tell you,

Speaker 1 there's another car that I love is the car Dirty Harry drives, which I think is just called a Ford Custom in the first one. It's like a 68 Midnight Blue four-door sedan.

Speaker 1 You can't find them. Those things just got junked.
You know, they weren't like sexy or anything like that. But now I think they're just cool as hell.

Speaker 1 I think that market's heating up too, like four-door sedan.

Speaker 1 Just because the baby boomers, they

Speaker 1 I think they just bought and sold the same fucking 12 muscle cars and they just became like

Speaker 1 I don't know you've just seen them too much and then

Speaker 1 I don't know the rarity of them it just wasn't as cool I don't know so anyway plowing ahead here this person says I wanted to share a video with a man who owns a thousand cars The most impressive thing about this man is that he knows everything about every single one of his cars.

Speaker 1 It's beyond impressive. He doesn't open his warehouse to many people, but this particular YouTube channel is well respected.

Speaker 1 Okay, this isn't like

Speaker 1 a link that I can just

Speaker 1 tell you. Unless you want to write it down, old school.

Speaker 1 www.youtube.com slash watch question mark

Speaker 1 and then it's Victor equal sign lowercase R.

Speaker 1 When am I really going to do this? I might as well just finish it.

Speaker 1 Capital D,

Speaker 1 the number two, and then lowercase delta kilo papa.

Speaker 1 Capitalize Tango Delta. I feel like I'm calling in an airstrike.

Speaker 2 Four.

Speaker 1 Capital E echo. And then the last is either a zero

Speaker 1 or the lowercase letter O.

Speaker 1 Oh my god. I'll be clicking on that the second this is fucking done.

Speaker 2 All right, moving on.

Speaker 1 Kids book in French.

Speaker 1 Oh, bravo, monsieur.

Speaker 1 Hey, hi, the great dad, Bill. I like how great dad is in quotes.
I can't tell if you're saying I am or if you're fucking saying, what are you, great dad? Because you say you were.

Speaker 1 All right, longtime listener from Canada here, heard lots of stories about how you spend time with your kiddos, just wanted to share a book they would definitely enjoy.

Speaker 1 The incredible story of the giant pear by Danish author Jacob Strid.

Speaker 1 S-T-R-I-D. Jacob J-A-K-O-B.

Speaker 1 Really fascinating story and illustrations. I suggest to buy a hardcover copy.
For whatever reason, it's not published in English.

Speaker 1 You could get it in French though, and translate it to English for your kids as you read through the pages. They would translate it better than me at this point.

Speaker 1 That's what we're doing at home. Good exercises for your French, and kids would 100% love it.

Speaker 1 I will add the link here if you are interested, but I was only able to find it from one of your favorite companies, Amazon.

Speaker 1 Maybe once in a while you got to dance with the devil. Well, I will definitely check that out.
Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 that is the podcast for this week. I came up a little bit short, but

Speaker 1 I'm going to go play with the kiddos.

Speaker 1 And later on tonight, I'm going to go out to the garage and I'm going to go fucking

Speaker 1 play some drums, which is going to be awesome.

Speaker 1 Because that's it. I lead the life of a kid.

Speaker 1 I try to as much as I can. So, with that, as I mentioned before, I will be doing

Speaker 1 a lot of stand-up in and around LA,

Speaker 1 running my hour for the rest of the year, keeping it tight. And

Speaker 1 there's a there's some new comedians that i've seen that live out here in la that i'm gonna be bringing on those shows always excited to see a new funny person come out and uh

Speaker 1 you know this year is no different and i've always worked with

Speaker 1 great comics that then go on to headline themselves And I think that's how it should be.

Speaker 1 Like I said,

Speaker 1 I don't want to have the terminal terminal open. I don't want a lifer opener for me.

Speaker 1 I want someone that, wherever I'm performing at, they want to headline it.

Speaker 1 So they are,

Speaker 1 you know, it's good to be working with someone that's moving forward.

Speaker 1 Because as they move forward, they sort of pull you along too.

Speaker 1 My belief. Anyway, so.

Speaker 1 Oh, also,

Speaker 1 I've picked out the college football game game that I'm going to go to this year.

Speaker 1 I got the green light from my wife.

Speaker 1 And because this was the hard one.

Speaker 1 It's Auburn, Alabama, in Auburn,

Speaker 1 and it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving. So that was always tough.
It was always like, I mean, that weekend's like a non-negotiable.

Speaker 1 You know, because I'm in town the whole,

Speaker 1 you know, all of the fall, and my wife's fucking cool. cool she's like all right so I'm trying to get a crew together and

Speaker 1 get some tickets or whatever maybe do a show down that way I don't know

Speaker 1 hoping it's gonna be

Speaker 1 hoping it's gonna be a good game I know it's gonna look I know the energy is gonna be crazy but like

Speaker 1 I know Saban's retired. It's a whole new time with like paying players and shit.
I know Alabama, you know, it's Nick Saban.

Speaker 1 They're not going to be as good without Nick Sabin, but they're still Alabama. And I know Auburn kind of goes up and down.
I haven't heard anything from the last few years.

Speaker 1 I know they had a few tough years, but I've been so fucking busy, I haven't been able to pay attention to it.

Speaker 1 But I'm thinking if I'm going to go, I'm also going to order that SEC package and I'll just sort of be watching.

Speaker 1 You know, I always try to watch LSU, but I'm going to try to be like staying up on that.

Speaker 1 I just don't want to go to a game that's big historically and not know who the quarterbacks are and shit like that. So, in other words, I'm doing guy shit.

Speaker 1 I already bought my fucking ESPN,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 fantasy football thing.

Speaker 1 I don't play fantasy football, but I just like how they rank the players, and I got to get to know some of the things because Anything Better podcast is coming back with Paul Versey and Jake the Snake.

Speaker 1 Jake the Snake, we stole him.

Speaker 1 We stole him. The fucking six-round pick.
We stole him from all things comedy. Got him for nothing.
And he's the big hit of the show. Can't wait to be doing it with him.

Speaker 1 And Andrew Themelis. And I got to tell you, as great as Paul Verzee has been picking,

Speaker 1 Jake the Snake. Andrew Themelis has been quietly right there with Paul.
So you can win some money listening to Paul and Andrew and Jake and doing the opposite of what I say that I'm doing.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it. That is the podcast, everybody.
Don't listen to billionaires, okay?

Speaker 1 Don't listen to them. They own the politicians.

Speaker 1 Okay, there's plenty of money. There's plenty of food.
There's plenty of places to live. They're just acting like there isn't and they're just trying to get us all to hate each other.

Speaker 1 And we should all come together and look at them and tell them to stop being cunts. All right.
And let everybody fucking relax.

Speaker 2 Alright?

Speaker 1 You're not gonna make Jesus come back, you fucking lunatic.

Speaker 1 Alright, that's it. Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday there.