Summer, Tambourines, Classic Cars | Monday Morning Podcast 8-25-25

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Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, August 25th, 2025.

What's going on?

How are you?

Oh, what's going on in this echoey room I'm in?

Hope all's good with you.

Holy shit, the fucking summer is over.

Oh boy, my kids are back in school.

I think I get more sad than they do.

I fucking hate when the summer's over.

Just not into that at all.

Like my favorite thing is when they're just around.

and um that's like a big um

like a big back and forth with me and my lovely wife is like she's always like stressing about activities like we got to give them activities they gotta they gotta have stuff that they gotta go do and i'm always just like no they don't they had activities all year They had activities all year.

This is what you want them still in their pajamas at like 10 in the morning.

That's how I look at it.

This whole fucking thing where you got it like,

you know, get your kid on some travel team for fucking soccer and they're going around the goddamn fucking state.

You got your whole life to drive around and go do shit.

It's summer vacation.

Get up whenever you get up, grab a box of cereal, whatever you want to do.

And then, you know, we'll see how the day shakes out.

I, you know, I'm not saying that that's the right way, but I'm saying there's a nice balance because

then my lovely wife will be like, hey, I signed him up for this thing, right?

And at first I'm always thinking, I'm rolling my eyes like, oh, Jesus Christ, what is this?

What is it?

You know?

And then it's like you sign him up and now I don't get a break.

I don't get a break from having to get up and take him to school.

Now instead of school, I'm taking him to this other fucking thing.

But she ended up signing him up for just was like a one-week camp you know day camp he didn't like stay there overnight I don't fucking get that at all people shipping their kids off to camp

I mean didn't you ever see fucking Friday the 13th Crystal Lake you know that's what I always think I always think it's gonna be a bunch of fucking you know 17 and eight year old 18 year olds right 17 and your teenage kids smoking weed trying to hook up with each other and not paying attention to the kids Like either that or there's going to be some like fucking, you know

sociopath kid or some kid with distant awful fucking parents and he's going to be bullying all the kids.

It's just like, why would I do that?

Why the fuck would I?

I'm not doing that shit.

So,

but I will say the camp that she signed him up for was

tremendous.

But anyways, today was the,

you know,

I don't know, sort of, they, and and they sort of started last week, but like today's like the official, you know, starting or whatever.

And

I don't know.

I'm psyched.

I'm psyched that they're in school, back with their friends or whatever.

But I get, I swear to God,

like when kids go, oh, I'm going back to school, like, I get it.

I'm like, I know, it sucks.

It sucks.

I fucking hated that.

I don't say the F bar.

I try not to anyway.

But anyway, they're back in school.

So

that sucks.

But

when they're back in school, that does mean something good, though.

Aside from them learning and being back with their friends and stuff, it also means that football season is right around the corner.

And

I don't know, I don't have any road, very little road work this year for the rest of the year.

So I'm actually going to be around

to watch the games.

So

I think,

I don't know, I got to to pick a college team.

God,

speak of the devil.

I don't know if you guys heard that.

My son was coming.

Dad.

Dad.

Yeah, I'm going to miss that.

Anyway, so I'm going to be watching a bunch of sports.

I'm fucking crushing my French.

Like, I do the Duolingo thing, and this woman, Lily, you know, this AI fucking thing calls you up or whatever, probably taking a picture of your face, making a robot replacement.

replacement but in the meantime you know she's super aloof super sarcastic because that's people's idea of what French people are like which is not true you know what I mean listen you can find a snobby Parisian absolutely but it France is a big country okay drive around you're gonna meet great people and there's great people in Paris and a lot of times if they're being snooty or obnoxious, you know, a lot of times it's you.

You know, you came in with your fucking Crocs and your giant stupid fucking sippy cup you know walking in there like a 42 year old toddler going to going to a water park you know so they're going to be a cunt to you anyway um if she when you interact with her she calls you up and you practice french talking to her and uh

you know

it's

if she doesn't understand what you're talking about, the fucking conversation will be like a minute long and she'll just get off the phone.

And as I've gone along, it's gotten longer and longer.

Today was my record.

I talked to her for six minutes and 31 seconds before she was like, you know,

like au revoir, you know, whatever the fuck she always says to me.

But I can really like,

you know, listen to her talking and I'm, I don't have to be like, stopping in my brain thinking about what the, I kind of just know what she's saying, knowing what she's talking about.

It's still not like listening to English where it's like the comprehension is just, I just understand it.

It's, I'm somewhere between being like that and having to translate every other fucking word and think about it, then I miss the next 10 words and then I'm lost.

I'm somewhere in between that now where I can kind of just

understand.

you know, enough of each sentence that I know the gist of what she's saying.

I'm still still translating it in my head, but it's like really

exciting.

And, you know, I don't know about you guys, but you know, just living here in America and just growing around people speaking English, trying to learn another language to me just seemed like fucking impossible.

And I'm finding it's just like anything else that if you just sort of stick with it, all of a sudden, you know, there's different levels that you graduate to, and then one day, all of a sudden, you're doing it.

You know, it's no different than learning to play an instrument or whatever the fuck it is you're doing.

So

speaking of that, I just got all new heads on my drum kit and I got the remote hi-hat and I took a lesson with Dave Elich, who has a new

drum program

online course,

which for my money, that guy.

has done his research.

He's accumulated all the information.

And if you want the most up-to-date,

you know,

how to like play without hurting yourself and having to exert all this extra energy, what I love about the way he teaches is he doesn't change the way you play.

He makes playing, what you want to play easier and more efficient.

And

anyway,

he came over because I got my drum kit and then I had a couple extra drums.

So I bought a little 20-inch bass drum.

I got the Gretsch broadcasters, which are fucking amazing, amazing sounding drums.

So I made a little kit for my daughter and my son to play on and they can play beats now and stuff.

It's fucking awesome.

So he came over and

tuned up the drums and I learned so just watching him doing it, like my racktom, it always, the sound was always choking on the drum and I couldn't figure out what the fuck I was doing wrong.

So he started to tune up the top head, the batter side.

And he goes, why is that choking out?

He goes, oh, the bottom head's probably too loose.

And I said, Why do you think it's too loose?

He goes, Well, the sound from the top goes down, it has to ricochet off and come back up.

So the drum sings.

If you have it too loose, it's just going to go down and die.

And he tightened up the bottom head, and then all of a sudden, the drum was singing.

I was just like, Oh,

like, that's the kind of shit,

that's the kind of like drum hack stuff that I love.

So, anyway,

anyway,

one of my favorite double bass drum

songs ever

doesn't even have a lot of double bass in it.

It doesn't have fast double bass.

It just has this really cool pattern that I was telling you guys about.

One of my favorite drummers of all time,

Tim Alexander from Primus, this song, My Friend Fats.

And what I loved about it

is

I was saying, I think I just talked about this on the the podcast, but I don't give a shit.

I'm geeking out about this song.

Is that that

you know,

that he plays

on the bass drum?

He's also playing it on the hi-hat.

He plays it all, and in the beginning, that's all it is.

And it's like

so, you're thinking like triples:

one and a two,

and then there's this weird pause.

You're like, what the fuck?

And

Ilich, once again, he told me, he goes, no, dude, it's actually in four.

It's E and a one.

That's where that lick is.

And then he's implying a triplet feel off of that while still playing in four.

And then it makes common time feel like odd time.

And I'm just like, that is fucking genius.

I love it.

So,

and then he does all these cool fills.

It's so fucking cool.

So, anyway, that's like going to be what I'm working on.

And then I'm going to be doing some shows out here in LA,

putting together some dates everywhere from like, you know, in LA out to Riverside, you know, a few other places so I can keep my act tight because next year I'm going to go back out on the road again.

And

so I don't know.

that's gonna be that's gonna be my fall um

i don't know

other than that

you know going to the gym and all of that fucking bullshit all right so that's what i'm up to i hope you guys had a good summer if you got kids i hope you had a great time hanging out with them and all of that and uh

you know

You're probably psyched at their bad.

I mean, I'm not going to lie to you.

There's a part of me, you know, when they go to school, then I get to hang out with my wife more.

So, you know, it's always, you know, the little like push-pull.

But speaking of push-pull, let's talk about the fucking Red Sox versus the Yankees.

I'm recording this before the fourth game.

We've beaten them eight games in a row, you know?

And

this game three, it's like

We were up like five to one or something in the bottom of the eighth.

They had like two guys on, somebody coming to the plate.

I go, Here comes the home run,

comes the three-run shot.

It was five to one, and I'm gonna be five to four.

Like, there's no fucking way we're gonna keep beating this team.

This is the fucking New York Yankees,

they don't end up scoring a run, and then they just fall apart.

I mean, fall the fuck apart in the top and of the ninth.

Can't get anybody out.

We scored seven runs, and in that was like

you know, a throwing error, a balk.

I mean,

so,

you know,

I lived a long time in New York.

I'm also out here in L.A.

I know a lot of Yankee fans.

So I didn't rub it in.

I just said, hey, I'm not being a dick or nothing, right?

It's like, we're a young team.

We're finally going in the right direction.

I think we could make the wild card.

I think we could maybe win the first round.

But when we get to these more solid teams, like I don't, you know.

I'm not sitting there acting like the Red Sox are going to win the World Series.

I'm not saying that, but I am excited that we're moving in the right direction.

So I'm just asking

because I have been watching baseball now for

since 1978,

whatever that is, like 47 fucking years.

All right?

I've never seen a Yankee team like this.

Like,

no matter, you know, good, bad, or ugly, they always showed up to play.

And if you knocked them down, they always got back up.

You know, it ain't over till it's over.

I mean, that came from their own guy, Yogi Berra.

I have never seen a fucking team like this, so it doesn't make sense.

I know they lost Juan Soto, and I know they had to shut down, what's his face there,

for Tommy John's surgery, but that doesn't mean that people stop trying or have like these brain farts.

So I just asked a couple of like

big-time psycho-Yankee, three of my friends who they're the biggest like

you know the kind of people you can call in August and they're watching the game

not those October April fans I mean the people that ride through the team and I was going like what the is going on with these guys you went to the World Series last year I understand you lost one Soto you lost one of your best pitchers but like

this is like the lack of fight.

What the fuck is going on?

And according to them, and the rumor

with that team is that Boone is not making decisions as much as it's like somebody on the mezzanine level in an office at a fucking computer.

So they make all of these decisions, like literally the batting lineup, how long to keep somebody in or take them out is all being made on a computer.

And then all of a sudden, their lack of vibe totally made sense.

Like Like, you can't plug human beings into a fucking computer and not expect, you know, that look on your kid's face when they're looking at a fucking tablet or watching TV.

Like, it just glazes over.

Like, we somehow

have gone from the Earl Weaver, Billy Martin, Lasorda, Lou Pinella, all those great fiery fucking managers.

To like, and I think a baseball manager, if you're going to go that route, is just like like a fucking Maitre D

You know, who's up next?

I don't know.

They're checking like, you know, their reservations or whatever.

And it's like, I was joking with my buddy because,

you know,

I don't, like, I don't like rubbing in.

I'm not rubbing it in on a team that has 27 championships and we have nine.

I'm not going to, in one fucking season, we're getting the better of you.

I'm not one of those douches.

You know, and there's a lot of Red Sox fans like that.

There's a lot of Yankee fans like that.

There's a lot of sports fans like that.

And those people are just fucking jerk-offs.

Whack-a-mole fans is what I call them.

They're underground.

And then when their team wins, all of a sudden they pop up.

You get a text, and you look at the text thread.

You haven't heard from them in a couple of years.

Those fucking douches.

I was joking with that guy, the Yankee fan, going like

because he was going, you know, I want a manager that smokes in the dugout.

And I knew what he was saying.

And I was was saying, like, yeah, like,

if it was the weekend and you got invited to two parties, one of them was being thrown by Spock and the other was being thrown by Captain Kirk, which one you going to?

Which one's going to have the vibes?

Which one is Ron Burgundy going to go to and do a cannonball into the pool?

It's Captain Kirk.

You got to have the fucking human element.

And

I think a lot of people are going to take a lot of heat over there on the Yankees Yankees, and

people might lose their fucking jobs, and they're not going to fix the fucking problem if they keep, if

that's what the fuck they're doing.

If you're going to take the human element out of the game,

you know, I mean, one of the best things about the game is, you know, I always felt like what really separated a good manager from a great manager is how well he knew his team.

So he knew when somebody was off or he knew if they're, he's settling down.

Okay, I know what you're watching right now.

If you don't watch us every day, it looks ridiculous that I'm not taking him out, but I know this kid, I know what he's got, I know what he's going through, and I know him well enough that, like, even though this doesn't make sense to the naked eye, me who knows this kid,

knows I can ride another inning, and you know, he's going to turn it around, or he's got a chance to, or whatever.

Or

I, as the manager, know, you know what?

There's something wrong with him.

I got to shut him down.

And when you just, I don't know what, you fucking,

you got some nerd standing behind a fucking cash register, just pressing fucking buttons.

I don't know.

I just don't.

Like the second he told me that that that that was the rumor of how they were managing the team, all of a sudden this lack of vibe and passion on their team totally made sense.

And I got to be honest, as a baseball fan, as a Red Sox fan,

the series has been fucking boring.

You know what I mean?

It's like

you've taken that element out of it.

So, I don't know.

Strange.

The whole fucking thing is just a.

It's just, it's just.

I don't know.

It's why I drive old cars.

You know, like, like,

my wife's car, God bless her.

It's like she puts in the map,

like,

where to go.

And it's just so fucking over designed.

I got a map.

I literally have a voice going, like, turn right in 400 feet.

I got that.

Then there's also a map, and on top of the map, there's like video of you driving down the street superimposed over the fucking map.

So when you look down, like, what?

I'm going to look down and do what?

Watch where I'm going and look at the map.

It's like

through all of this extra safety, which it really isn't extra safety.

It's just new shit to make your old car that's fine seem like it's not as good anymore.

All it does is just fucking distract.

I don't know, for me, anyways.

So

I just got, you know, all I had was my old truck.

I just got

a new old car that i'm driving around in um that i love to

got a v8

you know manual transmission no screen

um

you know just a fucking daily driver and i absolutely i love it i don't even listen to the fucking radio i'm just driving down the street And guess what?

I drive way better.

I get my wife's car and I'm so busy getting annoyed by the thing.

Like my wife's car, like the new cars, it's like,

you know, it's like you ever just meet somebody new and they're just doing too much.

And it's just like, if you would just chill the fuck out, you would get the reaction that you want from other people.

But you're so fucking insecure that when you don't get the reaction, you just got to try harder and harder and harder.

And you're, you end up like pushing people away.

That's what her fucking car does to me.

But I'm also out of my mind.

So who knows?

Anyway,

I got to give a shit.

I'm going to start doing this shit, giving shout-outs to local places that I've been to that are like owned by individuals.

They aren't

chains, you know.

So fuck all these corporations.

This goes back to those, you know, Pete's coffee and fucking, you know, Timmy's donuts and shit.

There's no Pete in there.

There's no Tim.

It's a fucking corporation.

Fuck them.

All right.

My wife took me to a breakfast.

at this place called Alta Adams, A-L-T-A Adams.

And they had a brunch down there, and I went there and they had oxtail on the menu.

And the first time I ever got oxtail, I was at a restaurant called Lupa in the village, Mario Battali.

I was a huge fan of his before all the bullshit.

I still have some of his cookware.

Still have one of his crock pots.

But anyway, I had oxtail and I was blown away by how good it tastes.

It's really fatty.

It's almost like a pot roast type of thing.

So I went in and I saw that they had that on

the menu.

The chef over there, Chef Keith Corbin.

And

this lovely woman, Asia Situ.

I didn't get her last name, but we went there.

It was me, my wife, and my kids.

And I got oxtail

with some grits.

And I got a side

of eggs over easy.

And

I got a biscuit that they had butter and this honey.

And it was just,

it was insane.

I'm not going to lie to you.

When I left, I was like leaning to one side because I didn't realize how filling oxtail was.

But I was just thinking with the eggs over easy and the yolk

and that fatty meat or whatever and the grits like that could all come together nicely, which of course it did.

It was really delicious.

And they're great people over there.

And it's a local place and locally owned business.

And if you guys have any of that places out here,

you know, LA has gone through a lot with those fires.

They've gone through a lot, like every other, with COVID and these fucking banker cunts cooking the economy and these corporations that are trying to buy up all the houses.

It's really insane.

But, you know, as long as we get all the brown illegal people out of the country, evidently, all those white people who are ruining the entire experience of being an American, evidently, they're going to grow a heart like the Grinch.

And once we get all the illegal brown people, because you don't want to focus on who is like, you know, poisoning your children through genetically altering the food.

You don't want to pay attention to those white people.

You want to go down to Home Depot and find some illegal brown people.

That will make it better.

So fucking stupid.

It is so, the whole, it's so fucking stupid.

It's like literally there were like weasels coming in

and killing all your chickens.

So what do you do to stop that?

You get a weasel to guard the fucking hen house.

And then the next day you come out, all your chickens are dead again.

And there's the weasel you hired sitting there with feathers and blood around its mouth.

You're like, what happened?

Oh, it was the Mexicans.

It was the Chinese.

It's the fucking Middle East.

No, bro, it's fucking you.

You fucking cunt.

I don't know.

I will never understand it.

You know, lying is lying, but at least come up with a good one.

All right.

With that, let's do.

Let's do a little.

Let's do some fucking reads here.

Did I.

All right, here they are.

Oh, by the way, dude, my temper has been coming back.

And I got to get it under control.

Just like sugar came back, I got it under control.

Except for last night, I fell off the fucking wagon, but I'm going to get back on.

I went

I went and I saw

last night Nia took me.

She goes, we got to go see these guys.

The clips,

you know, legendary rap duo, push-a-t

and

Malice, who now goes by no malice.

I'm old school.

I would have gone by absence of malice because I'm a Paul Newman fan, but he goes by no malice.

So we went down to the Nokia theater

and I smoked some weed

and dude, it was fucking unbelievable.

The show they put on

and

Kendrick Lamar came out and did

a surprise, you know, guest star thing came out and did a whole song and I thought the fucking roof was going to blow off the place.

And I'm not going to lie to you, I felt like the fucking old guy there, like the level that people were going nuts.

Like that would be like I went to see AC DC and Eddie Van Halen came out.

Like it was the same, rest of soul, the same fucking,

you know, like the place

went crazy.

And

it was such a great show.

My favorite part of this show.

was when the two of them, their brothers, they honored their parents and they had this whole whole picture of all this whole collage of pictures of their parents' life and they just seemed like the perfect couple, like it was true love and that they were amazing people as individuals.

And when they came together, they were even better.

And it was a really cool thing to see, especially with entertainers, because so many entertainers, like, you know, you ask their childhood, it's a really like

traumatic thing.

So it was really cool to be like, all right, well, you know, to see that they had great parents.

And

they seem parents seem like old school too.

Like my favorite picture in there, there was a picture of their dad, and he was on a motorcycle, and he had a big grin on his face.

He was turning around looking over his shoulder, pointing at the camera.

It was cool.

I was like, that guy led life.

You know, he lived life and he fucking enjoyed it.

Probably my favorite part of the show.

So anyway, we did that, but then we came back.

I was really,

really, I was like so high, like, I'm not going to fuck with marijuana for like maybe the rest of the year you know you know when you get like that level high where you're like I think I need to like do some sort of introspection here

I was super high and I had this really funny fucking interaction with this guy this black dude came up to me And he goes, oh shit, he goes, Pill Burr.

He goes, I fucking love you.

I love you.

So I go, oh, you know, thanks a lot.

He goes, no, you don't understand.

And he just kept going at one point he said you're my n-word

and i laughed he goes yo he goes you know that's real he goes i just called you the the n-word and i go ah you know i i appreciate that that's what i said

it was just one of those stupid things you say when you're high but i knew what he meant um

but i was laughing after i said it you know i'm saying i just called you i mean you know it's real when i just referred to you using the n-word and i just go ah you know i appreciate that

It was one of those nights.

It was just nothing but like

positive vibes.

Anyway,

plowing ahead here.

Let me do the reads here for the week.

Oh, by the way,

they have a new album out.

The clips do that everybody is losing their minds about from what I'm hearing.

It's Let God Sort Him Out, I think

the name of it.

But they did it, obviously, they did some tracks off of that.

It all sounded fucking good to me.

So check that out.

All right, here's the

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There we go.

Jesus Christ.

He got through it.

All right.

Enough of my babbling.

It's time for your babbling.

This is where you write in.

And for whatever reason, after listening to me read out loud that poorly, people still ask me for advice.

So here we go.

Black and white phone screen.

Hey, Dan Rode Billy.

Good call.

Recently, you've been talking about being addicted to your phone on the podcast.

We all know this feeling too well.

Glad to hear you're back to reading books.

Oh my God, like one of the greatest things my daughter said to me last night she saw me reading.

She goes, Dad, you read a lot.

No one has ever said that to me in my life.

Yeah, I started reading.

I'm reading like plays and like comic book series

because

they're shorter.

You know.

You just don't want to fucking pick up like war and peace.

I'm going to start reading again.

You don't want to, I mean, that's not how I'm wired.

So I've I've just been doing that.

And then I took the Instagram app, and I always had it on the second page of my iPhone.

I just moved it all the way to the back, and I replaced it with like YouTube, the YouTube app.

And I find the YouTube app to be tremendously frustrating.

So I don't, you know,

it's just not a fun app.

So I sort of mess with it for a little bit.

And I'm just like, I don't want to fucking do this.

And I just shut it off.

so that's what's been working for me anyway this person says glad to hear you're back to reading books i've been also i've also been getting back into reading lately and it's a great feeling to spend less time online consuming consuming stupid bullshit yeah and you're worried in a way that you're going to be like missing out on something and you're not going to be able to hold a conversation with people uh you're fine You're fine.

And if something is a big enough trend, it usually makes it to some sort of mainstream thing.

You know, you'll be able to see the people,

you know, doing their TikTok dances to the law and order theme, even if you're not online or whatever on that app.

Anyway, plowing ahead.

Thank God someone finally wrote in and told you about scrolling to the top of your phone by accident.

It was one of those situations where everyone knew what was happening, but no one had the heart to tell you.

What do you mean no one had the heart to tell me?

Like, you're not telling me like, you know, my dog died.

Just tell me what the fuck I'm doing wrong.

You know, there's being concerned about someone's feelings, and then there's just fucking enjoying watching somebody struggle.

I think that that's what was going on.

I would have said something.

I just didn't have the heart to tell him, to give him the information he needed.

Like, that doesn't even make sense.

Anyway, plowing ahead.

Since you figured that out, I didn't figure that out.

Somebody explained it to me.

Here's another phone tip for you.

Try putting your screen in black and white mode.

Oh, that's cool.

There was an episode of Effers for Family where they get a color TV and instantly everyone is more addictive to watching TV.

Oh, that's true.

I had a similar experience when I went from an iPhone 6 to an iPhone 12.

The phone screen of the 12 was just more vibrant, and I found myself just wanting to look at it more for no reason other than it was appealing to the eye, and my screen time went way up.

Yeah, you know, that's something that

I heard a long time ago about food

and that the food industry

looked at heroin addiction

with envy.

They didn't look at it as a problem.

They looked at it like we want people to be addicted to whatever food we're selling them

and they didn't want to use

they didn't want to say addictive because that had a a negative connotation.

So they used the phrase a,

oh fuck, I just forgot what the hell was it?

I'm reading now.

It should be, a crave ability.

They wanted their food to have a crave ability, like Doritos.

It is impossible to open a bag of Doritos and not just get half, even if you get a big bag.

I mean, you're going to kill anywhere from a third to a half of it.

And after the second handful, there's this voice way in the back of your head, like, I wouldn't do that, dude.

Right?

And you just keep going and going.

Sugar, salt, all of that shit.

And it's weird.

They practice on fucking animals, I guess.

You know, they get like some white mouse

and they don't put the Dorito out until the fucking mouse is literally covered in orange dust.

And they're like, all right, it literally can't stop.

It's licking the inside of the bag.

This is now ready for human consumption.

Anyway, plowing ahead here

um

recently so okay to get to the phones and stuff like that's the same thing like these all of these things online

they want you to be like totally just

I get, you know, this isn't new information, but like, I guess your phone itself is taking a picture of your face every five fucking seconds,

which I think then goes into some sort of AI algorithm to see if you have the right dopamine look in your eye and drool coming out of your mouth.

I mean, it's fucking evil.

These fucking nerds are absolutely fucking evil.

But the thing is,

if you're evil and you're broke, you're going to go to jail.

But if you're evil and you have a billion dollars, you're suddenly going to be affecting the direction that humanity moves in.

Because all of these cunts care about is having enough money

to basically, I don't know what, feel like they won

or to get a good-looking woman.

I have no fucking idea.

I don't understand

how these people's brains work.

They're fucking reptiles.

So, this person said, Recently, I put my phone into black and white mode, and it makes it feel less appealing to look at.

It feels more

utilitarian.

Is that how you spell it?

Utilitarian?

I wish that was U-T-A-L.

It's U-T-I-L?

Utilitarian this way.

That's one of those words.

I know how to use it.

But I don't know what it means.

Dude, it means stuff is in black and white.

It's not that hard to do.

All you do is go to the iPhone settings, display and text side, color filters, then activate grayscale and set it to 100%.

You can add a toggle switch to your iPhone so you can instantly turn the color on and off.

I don't want to overwhelm you with adding a color toggle.

You know, go fuck yourself.

Overwhelm me like you figured it out and you designed it.

You just know where to go in settings.

Fucking relax.

Don't want to overwhelm you with adding a color toggle button.

Look it up on YouTube.

All right, I will.

I know you're just breaking my balls, but you know, I get talked down enough, and all of a sudden my freckles, they go from brown to red, and I get a little upset.

I take exception to it.

I hope this is a three-click process.

This three-click process is not too much for your middle-aged technology-hating ginger ass.

Yeah, people my age are not good with technology.

People your age are much better at it, but you know what?

Most people your age did not invent it, so

I don't know what you're excited about.

Um, good luck with your Apple genius and go fuck yourself.

All right,

I really appreciate all of that information.

And I also appreciate the ball busted in the end, but I got to break your balls back and just remind you.

You know what I mean?

That's like when someone with a truck pulls up with a bigger truck than yours.

And it's just like, all right, congratulations.

You bought a truck that other men put together that's bigger than mine.

All right, let's not act like you fucking put the lift kit on it.

You didn't.

Oh, you know what I saw the other day that i really liked i i saw a hummer pickup truck and they had taken the top off

and i looked at it i was like that's a fucking fun ass looking vehicle um although i was never a fan of the hummer i liked it when i saw it and then i got in one and it's like really deceiving

um there's no room inside it's like really like it's almost like you're in a one of those cars with a chopped roof um

however

i think if you took it off-road it's got to be amazing.

I mean, that's really what it's for.

Um, all right, I'm gonna do that.

I'm gonna put it in black and white mode.

I'm gonna be that person and act like I'm interesting.

All right, obnoxious hippie at concert.

Oh, brother, I already hate this person.

Hey, Billy Baldy, love the podcast and was hoping you could weigh in on something.

You're 100% right.

If the person was actually an obnoxious hippie, I am

100% on your side.

This past weekend, my brother and I went upstate for a Neil Young concert.

Neil was great, of course.

He's always great.

And so was his new backing band, The Chrome Hearts.

The show was at an amphitheater, and we had general admission tickets on the lawn.

But we were standing as close to the stage as possible by the rail at the back.

of the pavilion.

During Harvest Moon,

this older baby

boomer in front of us

took a tambourine covered in LED lights out of her bag

and started spinning around

and beating the thing out of time with the music.

Oh no.

He goes, I was a few beers deep and loudly told her, put that fucking thing away.

You're not in the band.

No one here paid to listen to your entitled ass.

Oh my god.

I'm gonna fucking stand up.

You know what?

You know what?

Good for you.

Good for you.

Oh my god.

You should have.

I mean, the old days, the thing would have been smashed over her fucking head.

She stopped and went elsewhere.

Good.

A couple people next to me backed me up,

but my brother says I went too far and she was just having fun.

Do you think I was out of line telling her off?

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

No,

not at all.

I would say the last time you and your brother fought, you won, and he's just looking for a way to criticize you because there's no fucking way you could be more right than that.

There was a total, like, it's like, that's one of Neil Young's greatest songs.

Neil is up there at age.

Who knows how much longer he's going to tour?

This is your one time to hear it live.

And this fucking jerk off

is going to make...

No,

that's...

I'll tell you, I will go beyond what you did.

That person, whoever marries that person, is going to live a life of misery.

That is a self-involved fucking person to a level that there is no medicine and there's no therapy that can help them.

In a perfect world, that hippie with the tambourine, she would die alone and never reproduce if what she has is contagious.

I'll tell you right now, she's going to get married someday, her husband's going to be miserable and their kids are going to be sad because it's going to be all about her.

Who the fuck would interrupt Neil Young singing Harvest Moon with an LED tampa?

Jesus fucking Christ.

I'll tell you right now, the last thing I would want to do is

be you having dinner with whoever the fuck your brother's dating.

Because if that behavior isn't out of line for him, Jesus.

Jesus.

I'm going to go on on limb right now and say, you know, if he marries something like that, you guys are not going to be spending Thanksgiving together anytime fucking soon.

That's how out of line that fucking lady was.

Once again, if I was wearing a hat, I would fucking tip it to you.

Like, that is like

round the bases and then come out of the dugout for a curtain call.

Good for you.

Good for you.

And all of those people that were around you that like didn't have to deal with their bullshit.

Ugh.

Was she in bare feet too, and they were filthy?

Oh my God.

People walk around in bare feet, and it's just like

fucking Johnny Appleseed.

It's like,

it's bottom of their feet.

I just.

I don't understand those people.

I don't want to understand those people.

Take them out back, hose them down, and send them on their way.

All right, car collector.

Hey, Billy Buick, I really love classic cars and hearing you talk about them.

I didn't start to fawn over them until I hit my 30s.

I'm a 45-year-old black man who grew up in the Bronx, so my exposure to cool cars was limited to MTV.

I'm moving out of the city soon, and I'll have a driveway and garage to properly store and drive one.

Classic car owners are some of the friendliest people I've ever met.

I've met a few guys and a lady who have helped me navigate the ins and outs.

Dude, I'm like getting excited that you're going to tell me what you're going to get.

Ins and outs of owning a classic car and I'm getting ready to purchase something in the spring.

My taste has changed from 70s muscle cars to mid to late 60s Fords, specifically Thunderbirds.

Oh yeah, I mean those are fantastic.

And you know what's cool about the Thunderbird is I feel like they changed the way it looked every couple of years, like drastically.

They also have some in the late 50s and the early 60s that had like that swivel chair when you went to get out.

You hit a button and like you didn't have to step out of your car.

You like literally...

the chair spun with you and then like your legs were pointed out the door and you got up.

Some of them had the steering wheel that also moved to the side um

it's fucking amazing um i am

as far as fords

i'm a big fan of the ltds the late 60s ltds

uh i love the ford galaxies

uh more of a galaxy guy than a fairline guy

And

as far as if you're going to go muscle car,

the Ford Falcon, it's the same chassis as like the Mustang, but it's just,

I just think it's cooler because it's more rare.

And

I don't know,

for my money, that's what I would go.

But that's incredible.

I'll tell you,

there's another car that I love is the car Dirty Harry drives.

which I think is just called a Ford Custom in the first one.

It's like a 68 Midnight Blue four-door sedan.

You can't find that.

Those things just got junked.

You know, they weren't like sexy or anything like that.

But now that I think they're just cool as hell, I think that market's heating up too, like four-door sedan.

Just because the baby boomers, they

I think they just bought and sold the same fucking 12 muscle cars and they just became like,

I don't know, you've just seen them too much.

And then

I don't know, the rarity of them just wasn't as cool.

I don't know.

So anyway, anyway, plowing ahead here, this person says, I wanted to share a video with a man who owns a thousand cars.

The most impressive thing about this man is that he knows everything about every single one of his cars.

It's beyond impressive.

He doesn't open his warehouse to many people, but this particular YouTube channel is well respected.

Okay, this isn't like a

link that I can just

tell you.

Unless you want to write it down, old school.

www.youtube.com slash watch question mark.

And then it's Victor equal sign lowercase R.

When am I really going to do this?

I might as well just finish it.

Capital D,

the number two, and then lowercase delta kilo papa.

Capitalize Tango Delta.

I feel like I'm calling in an airstrike.

Four.

Capital E echo.

And then the last is either a zero

or the lowercase letter O.

Oh my God.

I'll be clicking on that the second this is fucking done.

All right.

Moving on.

Kids book in French.

Oh, bravo, monsieur.

Hey, hi, the great dad, Bill.

I like how great dad is in quotes.

I can't tell if you're saying I am or if you're fucking saying, what are you, great dad?

Because you say you were.

All right, longtime listener from Canada here, heard lots of stories about how you spend time with your kiddos.

Just wanted to share a book they would definitely enjoy.

The Incredible Story of the Giant Pear by Danish author Jacob Strid.

S-T-R-I-D, Jacob, J-A-K-O-B.

Really fascinating story and illustrations.

I suggest to buy a hardcover copy.

For whatever reason, it's not published in English.

You could get it in French, though, and translate it to English for your kids as you read through the pages.

They would translate it better than me at this point.

That's what we're doing at home.

Good exercises for your French, and kids would 100% love it.

I will add the link here if you are interested, but I was only able to find it.

from one of your favorite companies, Amazon.

Maybe once in a while you got to dance with the devil.

Well, I will definitely check that out.

Thank you very much.

Anyway,

that is the podcast for this week.

I came up a little bit short, but

I'm going to go play with the kiddos.

And later on tonight, I'm going to go out to the garage

and I'm going to go fucking

play some drums, which is going to be awesome.

Because that's it.

I lead the life of a kid.

I try to as much as I can.

so with that um as i mentioned before i will be doing uh

a lot of stand-up or in and around la

um running my hour for the rest of the year keeping it tight and uh

there's a there's some new comedians that i've seen that live out here in la that i'm gonna be bringing on those shows always excited to see a new funny person come out and uh

you know, this year is no different.

And I've always worked with

great comics that then go on to headline themselves, and I think that's how it should be.

Like, I, like I said, I've I don't want to have the terminal open, I don't want a lifer opener for me.

I want someone that wherever I'm performing at, they want to headline it.

So they are,

you know, it's good to be working with someone that's moving forward.

because as they move forward, they sort of pull you along too.

My belief.

Anyway, so

oh, also

I've picked out the college football game that I'm going to go to this year.

I got the green light from my wife.

And because this was the hard one.

It's Auburn, Alabama, in Auburn,

and it's the Saturday after Thanksgiving.

So that was always tough.

It was always like, I mean, that weekend's like a non-negotiable.

But,

you know, because I'm in town the whole,

you know, all of the fall, and my wife's fucking cool.

She's like, all right.

So I'm trying to get a crew together

and

get some tickets or whatever.

Maybe do a show down that way.

I don't know.

Hoping it's going to be

Hoping it's going to be a good game.

I know the energy is going to be crazy, but like

I know Sabin's retired.

It's a whole new time with paying players and shit.

I know Alabama, you know, it's Nick Saban.

They're not going to be as good without Nick Saban, but they're still Alabama.

And I know Auburn kind of goes up and down.

I haven't heard anything from the last few years.

I know they had a few tough years, but I've been so fucking busy, I haven't been able to pay attention to it.

But I'm thinking if I'm going to go, I'm also going to order that SEC package and I'll just sort of be watching,

you know, I always try to watch LSU, but I'm going to try to be like staying up on that.

I just don't want to go to a game that's that big historically and not know who the quarterbacks are and shit like that.

So, in other words, I'm doing guy shit.

I already bought my fucking ESPN, you know,

fantasy football thing.

I don't play fantasy football, but I just like how they rank the players, and I got to get to know some of the things because Anything Better podcast is coming back with Paul Versey

and Jake the Snake.

Jake the Snake, we stole him.

We stole him.

The fucking six-round pick.

We stole him from all things comedy.

Got him for nothing.

And he's the big hit of the show.

Can't wait to be doing it with him.

And Andrew Themelis.

And I got to tell you, as great as Paul Verzee has been picking,

Jake the Snake, Andrew Themeleis has been quietly right there with Paul.

So you can win some money listening to Paul and Andrew and Jake and doing the opposite of what I say that I'm doing.

All right, that's it.

That is the podcast, everybody.

Don't listen to billionaires.

Okay.

Don't listen to them.

They own the politicians.

Okay.

There's plenty of money.

There's plenty of food.

There's plenty of places to live.

They're just acting like there isn't, and they're just trying to get us all to hate each other.

And we should all come together and look at them and tell them to stop being cunts.

All right?

And let everybody fucking relax.

All right?

You're not going to make Jesus come back, you fucking lunatic.

All right, that's it.

Go fuck yourselves, and I'll check in on you on Thursday there.

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