Oasis, Dystopian Future, Electronic Menus | Monday Morning Podcast 9-8-25

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Bird.

It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 8th,

2025.

What's going on?

Yeah,

how's it going, man?

What's going on with you?

How'd you do your first week of fucking gambling on NFL football?

Did you do as bad as I did?

Jesus Christ.

Everything I thought was going to happen

didn't happen.

I had the Buffalo Bills.

I had the New England Patriots.

I had the fucking Kansas City Chi.

I fucking, hey, this

all three and one.

I somehow tied one of them.

One of them.

I had the fucking Dolphins.

Everything that I thought was going to happen, the exact opposite happened.

But I would rather be all right or all wrong.

So then people that listen to me can still make money.

If I'm crushing it, just do what I say.

And if I'm fucking eating it, like usual, just whatever Bill says, do the opposite.

If you did the opposite of what I did yesterday, if you just said this is a stand-up comedian,

male pattern baldness, did not play organized sports past fucking junior high,

you know, I'm just going to do the opposite of what this guy said.

You want to make some money unless you tied them all together, which is the dumb move, is to tease something.

All right?

Let me tell you something.

The only person you're teasing is yourself.

You know,

doing a two-team tease, that's like committing a crime with somebody else.

You've just increased your chances of getting caught by 100%.

The other team is going to cut a deal with the league to fuck you out of your money.

Oh, God.

I sound like Earl Weaver.

You came here for one goddamn reason.

Oh, yeah, what's that, Earl?

To fuck us.

That is the greatest fucking line anybody's ever said to an umpire.

You came here for one reason.

Like the umpire

had no plans of going to Baltimore that night and said, you know what?

I'm going to go down there.

What are you going to go down there for?

I'm going to fuck the Orioles.

Specifically, Earl Weaver, 100%.

Speaking of which, sad news, Davey Johnson.

Passed away.

Just an absolute legend.

I had no idea how much I only knew him as a manager.

He played,

you know, his career ended before my time, sort of in like the 70s, but he played for those incredible Oriole teams in the late 1960s.

I believe they won it in 66 and 70 with both Robinsons, Brooks and Frank.

That whole great run that the Orioles had

mid-60s right through the late 70s of just incredible offensive, defensive players and pitching staff.

And

then he goes on to manage.

And this is amazing.

He managed when he became a baseball manager after he retired.

He also went on to the Braves and was part of

Hank Aaron and was the first, was on the first MLB team where they had three players with 40 or more home runs.

It was him, Hank Aaron, and I apologize.

I don't know the other guy's name.

So the guy retires.

That's how legendary this guy is.

He coached three years in the minors, each at a progressively high level.

And on each, all of the three years, he won a championship.

And then he took over for the New York Mets and the rest is history, won it in 86, one of the greatest comebacks,

you know,

in World Series history.

And one of the most, like,

that, that was the one as a Red Sox fan.

All this fucking Bucky Dent shit and all the Yankees.

It wasn't that.

It was fucking 86.

Because no matter what the Yankees did to us, it was during the regular season, you know, or it was before the World Series, you know,

even like when they beat us in the playoffs with Aaron Boone, it was like we won it the next year, so it didn't have a chance to marinate.

But I will fucking tell you what,

that Mets loss in 1986.

I watch it now now that we've won World Series, and I can actually appreciate how fucking hysterical it is.

I mean, if you had it in Hollywood script, it'd be like, who gives up 15 singles in a row?

That's what it felt like.

But anyways, Davey Johnson

managed that team.

And

I think he went on to the Reds and he did all of this stuff right on through like the Nationals, just like.

I would put him up there with sort of a, you know,

like he carried the torch of a guy, say like a Don Zimmer or a Joe Tory, those guys who actually played the game and then, you know,

had just as much success or if not more success as a manager.

Like, I remember Don Zimmer played on like the 55 Dodgers.

Joe Tory was on the Braves.

I want to say maybe the Cardinals too.

I don't know.

But anyway, just a baseball guy.

So rest in peace to him.

And Ken Dryden.

Ken Dryden of the Montreal Canadiens.

I didn't know this.

The fucking Boston Bruins actually drafted him.

Oops.

I got to research how he ended up on the Canadians, but

absolutely stonewalled us through the 70s.

He only

played like

he held out.

When we won in 72, I believe I was re, I read it real quick before the podcast.

I believe he was holding, he held out for an entire year.

So we didn't have to go up against him with Esposito, Kenny Hodge, and all of those guys, Derek Sanderson, Bobby Orr.

And

thank God he did, because who knows what would have happened.

That guy was like that good.

He literally, he won, he played from like 1971 to 80 or 79, I believe.

And

he won the Stanley Cup in 71, 73, 76, 77, 78, and 79, and then called it a career.

Got into politics, wrote a whole bunch of books.

Was truly a Renaissance man.

And

I remember all of my buddies that I worked with in the warehousing that were 10 years older than me.

Oh, my God.

The nightmare stories they used to talk to me, they used to tell me about Ken Dryden.

There was no eye contact, and they would just shake their head.

I mean, he was that good.

Six foot four,

an absolute beast, and had a whole,

like I said, a career as an author and a politician, and all that.

Incredible.

Anyways, which brings me back to myself.

57-year-old Bald Ginger, who's playing Thousand Oaks,

which admittedly pales in comparison to the accomplishments of Davy Johnson and Ken Dryden.

So

I'm Thousand Oaks this Wednesday.

Really looking forward to it.

I'm working with two of my favorite people, Dean Del Rey and Bianca Cristovao.

The only person missing from the crew is Nate Craig, who has a new amazing special on

YouTube.

He sent it to me.

And it was one of those deals I was busy and I started to watch it and then I couldn't shut it off.

He just has his own,

really just has his own vibe.

Super, super, super smart comedy.

Absolutely love it.

So, anyway,

check that out if you get a chance.

Let's get on with now that I've done the announcements.

Let's get on to the actual podcast here.

Oh, Billy.

Oh, Billy's, you know,

what a week I had.

What a week I had.

I went Saturday night.

Was it Saturday?

Yeah, Saturday night I went to the Rose Bowl and I saw Oasis

who came along when I was like 30 years old.

So I finally got to see

their crowd like losing their fucking minds.

Like people were losing their fucking minds at that show.

It really reminded me, there's a couple of times I went to go see a band, you know, because I've always been a metal guy, right?

It's weird.

Metal and big band swing.

Figure that one out.

It's a combination of who I was hanging out with and my dad's record collection.

So,

and also when Oasis came out, like I was,

you know, I was doing stand-up at like fucking spaghetti Freddy's.

And I was approaching 30.

The amount of music that I missed in all of that, because I ran into somebody at the concert and they were,

how many times you seen him?

I go, this is my first time.

You never saw him back in the day?

I was like, dude, I was like,

I had no money.

I had the CD.

I didn't have any money.

So it reminded me of a long time ago, I saw the dead

at Sullivan Stadium in the late 80s to be like, I got to see what is, what is, you know, I like their music and everything, but like people dedicating like their fucking life to this band i gotta see what this is and i went there and i was like all right i get it or i saw bruce springsteen at uh the honda center in anaheim the most sterile

place you could possibly

be

to see Bruce Springsteen in the E Street band and they came in and they fucking blew the roof off the place and made you feel like you were in New Jersey.

I would say that's what that, that's what they do.

They just bring their fucking New Jersey vibe everywhere they go and fucking murder it.

And I would put Oasis on that list now because I went to go see them.

And dude, they came out and just fucking

leveled,

leveled the Rose Bowl.

Leveled.

And it was like, and they barely move.

So it's all on the basis of what they're playing.

You know, no fucking jumping around and like the shit I was watching.

People were doing jump splits off the fucking drum riser.

This was the exact.

It's like, as a stand-up comedian, you know, I got to move around and sell my shit.

But like, the joke writers, they can just stand.

They don't have to fucking move.

They barely burn any calories.

I finished my set.

It's like I got off a fucking elliptical.

These guys can just stand there and murder.

Oasis was like that.

And.

Yeah, lead singer is fucking hilarious.

And most of the night, you know, they would like jokes.

I was like, is he fucking with us right now?

Or is he, are we in on the joke?

Or is he kind of making fun of us or whatever?

But it was cool.

They came out and both brothers hugged, which was good.

I come from a fucked up family, so it was good to see them, you know, showing that they had buried the hatchet.

And then Liam said just really nice shit at the end where he thanked everybody.

And he said something really funny.

He goes, I really appreciate all you guys.

He goes, I'll be the first to admit we've been an absolute nightmare of a band to support, which was fucking hilarious.

Yeah, it was great.

So,

and then I got to say,

you know, I wasn't familiar with a lot of Knowles' solo stuff, and they gave him a whole nice section in the middle.

And that was some of my favorite stuff for the night.

And I also really became even more of a fan of his guitar playing.

Drama was great, just the whole thing, man.

I've had a a really good month as far as like seeing live music acts.

So

I did that.

And then last night I went with my lovely wife to the Emmys

and I saw a whole bunch of friends of mine.

And we all hung out afterwards.

And like, that's that's in reality, that's the best part of the awards night is fucking hanging out with all your friends.

So

we were just all hanging out afterwards, telling stories and shit.

So it was, it was definitely a great time.

And

I figured out the cruise control

on my motorcycle.

I was so intimidated by just being able to ride the bike, and I've been riding it again, and I'm

having a great time with it.

And,

you know, I'm finally just like, just like the owner's manual.

Like, you know, I'm a summer school kid.

You give me a book like that with print that small.

I just curl up into the fetal position.

I'm just like, I'll just ask Dean how to do it.

And I just like, no, fuck this.

Just bring the owner's manual every day,

figure out something else.

And it turns out it's not that big a deal.

It's like the left side is your cruise control and the right side is the radio.

And then the screen, you pair your phone, and you're kind of good to go at that point.

And then the cruise control, there's all these different ways

to shut it off, which are really other than like stepping on the brake, the back brake, or pulling the front brake, you can actually roll off the throttle or you can pull in the clutch.

And what I like about that is if you're riding with somebody else,

you know, they're behind you, to have to step on the brake

just even for a second could cause the person to fuck up or whatever.

It's just like, it's just a safer way to do it.

And,

you know, I was just riding around the airport, like figuring it out.

And

I,

I don't know, made me feel good about myself.

All right.

I'm sorry.

Anyway,

what else have I been doing?

Not a lot.

I've been doing a bunch of stuff with my kids.

So I tried to watch as much football as I could.

The Patriots were competitive.

We,

you know,

I don't know.

It's early.

I will continue to watch.

And I was trying to watch it on my phone.

But of course, YouTube needs to know my location.

And I just, I don't fucking do that shit.

And, you know, I just, you know, updated a few things in my kitchen.

And I didn't realize that the people that put it in, like, our refrigerator has an app.

Our washer and dryer has an app.

It's like, what the what, what kind of fucking world?

Like, you can't buy anything anymore.

It's like everything is like, it's just bugging your house.

And what it is, I guess in a way, is like kind of harmless, but all they're trying to do is like

get some sort of information about how many times you eat a ham and cheese sandwich.

And believe it or not, they can sell that information.

They're a bunch of fucking rats.

And the thing about it is, they're building a cage that they're going to have to live in.

That's what I don't understand.

It's like, dude, they're going to be doing the same fucking thing to you.

And you don't care as long as you have like a bigger house.

Like, I just don't understand

people like that.

And

by the way, how about this thing with ICE now?

That if you join, they'll pay off your student loan.

That's how you're going to pay off your student loan.

Taking the kid, taking some mother's kid out of her arms as she's screaming, crying as they drag her away.

That's how you paid off your fucking student loan?

I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, get a fucking real job.

Like, whose side are you on here?

If, like, I swear to God, with the way it is right now, if you're not on the side of the working man or the, or, or the, the little guy,

illegal immigrants, like, I don't know what, I don't know.

I just don't.

It's like you're punching yourself in the face.

Like, to think that illegal aliens are the reason why you're getting underpaid.

I mean, you're just not reading about history.

I know I've said this a zillion times.

It's the cunts.

Look up, stupid.

Look up.

It's not down.

You're blaming powerless people that are even more underpaid than you.

You should be reaching out to them, getting a fucking band together that goes storm the castle.

Like some of these lunatics that have started hunting down CEOs, which the mainstream press is really trying to oppress that story that that is happening.

Which is a stupid move.

Because if you want to fucking stop that from happening, you should be holding these CEOs' feet to the fire and tell them maybe if you're not so fucking greedy, these horrible acts of violence against you would stop.

And instead, they're trying to

go after the NFL.

Oh, was he?

Is that what the fuck he was doing?

Oh, Billy, conspiracy theory.

Anyway,

so I went down to the gym again,

and that rock star chick was on the fucking elliptical again with the sunglasses on.

I don't know.

I got to get to know that person, or just at least do a little fist bump because it just fucking makes my day.

You know what I mean?

To do the elliptical wearing sunglasses inside of the gym, I mean,

that's something like,

that's just like rock star shit.

It's like, I'm going to get on this elliptical and do this awful fucking thing, but you're not going to take away my vibe.

You're not killing my vibe.

So,

because she's been on it and like nobody likes the elliptical anymore,

and you know,

it's disappearing like fucking right-aids ellipticals are in gyms uh

i just don't like the fucking treadmill first of all there's a million people there everybody loves the fucking treadmill so i i've now moved on to the fucking stair master

and i've been having a good time on that thing

and uh

you know

I'm fucking working my way down.

I'm working my way down.

My goal is, you know, I'm off the road here.

If I can work my way down to my fighting weight, as Dave Kechner used to say, when he would do Bob Pogo for us on F is for Family, my fighting weight.

We used to throw that in the script just to hear him say it.

And he used to always sing it like that.

My fighting weight.

It was one of my favorite things on that show.

Anyway, plowing ahead.

I don't know what.

I had a great fucking weekend with my kids, playing baseball and all of that stuff.

My daughter said something so fucking epic to me that made me just really feel,

just really made me feel like I was fucking raising her right.

I presented a scenario to her, like I was joking around, acting like I was a bad dad.

And I would be like, what would you do if you had a dad like this?

And she immediately had the fucking answer.

And it was so amazing.

I'm not going to say it because I think I have to put it in my act.

It's, it's,

It actually

took me aback.

What the fuck is that noise?

Is somebody flying a drone out there?

It's just this.

LA is just,

it's just, it's noisy.

It's a noisy fucking place, but I will say I do love it.

It's a goddamn,

it's arguably

as noisy as New York.

I wouldn't go that far.

What What I did enjoy, Jesus fucking Christ.

I gotta move here.

It just, it never ends.

Never ends.

There's always, there's always fucking something.

Oh, did it end?

It ended because I got up.

So, anyway, I got some new games that I'm playing.

I've been playing with my kids.

So I play a drum beat, and then my daughter has to try and play it.

She can't add the right hand yet, but she's been able to do it.

She has like a great ear.

So,

you know, I've been trying to work that in.

We're We're back to playing Home Run Derby again.

And they're too big to ride the bikes in the driveways now.

So I got to take them somewhere else for that.

My new fucking daily driver is in the shop again, but I don't give a fuck.

It started leaking something and the engine light came on.

We're just getting it dialed in.

But I have to tell you,

that fucking car is the most fun.

Car I have ever driven.

I can't quite tell you what it is.

It's a foreign car, but six-speed manual transmission.

It is the most fun fucking car I've ever driven.

And

yeah, I don't even give a shit.

I'm like, just, you know, there's a couple of things.

Like, the trunk won't stay open.

You know, I got to get that fixed.

There's something on the front grill that's a little loose.

That's it.

And then it was, it was also leaking something else.

I couldn't tell what it was.

It wasn't oil.

It didn't feel like transmission fluid.

The guy said maybe it was the fucking air conditioning

runoff or something.

I don't fucking know.

But it's down there.

What are you going to do?

I don't know, Bill.

What are you going to do?

So,

with that, let's talk.

Let's do

some of the reads here

for the week.

All right.

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All right.

Let's go.

Okay, so now we're into the reads for the week.

This podcast might be a little short, like you cock.

cock.

We'll see.

We'll see if I have things to say.

Michigan lost.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I know they're all excited at the state school in Ohio.

You ever seen anybody more proud to go to a fucking state school?

Have you talked to people from Ohio State?

Like when you talk to somebody smart, do you ever think, oh my God, they must have gone to Ohio State?

Never.

What do you think?

You think Ivy League?

That's what you think.

You think Georgetown,

Stanford.

Let's talk smart schools.

Dude, he's fucking wicked smart.

He goes to.

Huh?

What would you think?

Brown, Princeton,

Colgate.

No, is that?

No.

Can I name...

Can I name it?

I used to be able to do that.

I used to be able to name the Ivy League.

Yale, Harvard, Dartmouth, Brown.

Then there's a couple of C's in there: Cornell, Penn.

There's one more.

Columbia?

Ain't no goddamn fucking Iva League liberal hunk of shit fucking university down here in South Carolina.

You cock, sucker, that McKingcocks.

Have you ever seen

a group of people more against being smart

than dumbass white people?

My people.

I don't know what it is about us.

You know what it is?

It's like we're a fan of a bad band, billionaires.

We fucking can't get enough of them.

Keep fucking us and tell us who to get mad at.

Admittedly, I've been part of the problem, okay?

I'm not putting myself above dumbass white people.

God knows I have the high school transcript to back it up.

Anyway,

let's plow ahead here.

Who did I see that I was surprisingly high-ranked?

I don't know.

This whole weekend was a fucking blur.

You know something?

Don't listen to me.

Oh, actually, for most things, but definitely with like football.

I just, with the kids, they just did,

they're too much fun.

You know what I mean?

And I got to hang out with them because they fucking crack me up.

And then also every parent, they're always, it goes by so fast.

It goes by so fast.

And I just want to tell them, like, just be like, dude, dude, dude, dude.

Everybody says that.

This is not, that's what I'm going to say from now on.

This, that is not new information.

Literally, every single parent says that.

And what you're doing now is you're romanticizing

having young children.

And you're forgetting how exhausting it was because you've caught up on your sleep now.

And now you're looking back on, you know, it's like being a stand-up comedian.

Once you start selling tickets, you just look back on all those fucking hell gigs laughing your ass off,

saying how much...

how funny and fun they were.

They weren't.

They were fucking humiliating, but now you're past it and you're looking back at it in a different way.

You know, I don't know what it is.

But like, I think one of the worst things you can do as a parent with fucking kids that are grown up is to

fucking always, they always just put like this panic on you that no matter what you're doing, it's not enough.

And I've realized in the end that it has nothing to do, it doesn't even have anything to do with you and it has nothing to do with their kids.

It's about them.

It's about them.

Their kids have moved out and now they feel useless they don't have a hobby they don't know what to do so their hobby is to ruin the enjoyment of people that's that still have young kids that's that's what i feel they're trying to do all right moving ahead here

all right internet do your thing

uh bill this is my least favorite trend

uh on is

okay i'm just gonna read the sentence the way it was written this is my least favorite trend on is when people post a picture of someone who did something stupid, i.e.

the Philadelphia lady in the stands at the Philly game who argued that the ball scooped up by a dad for his kids' birthday should go to her

because it was in her area and she has a right to it.

Well, listen, lady, you're a fucking moron, but the dad can handle himself.

These people who aren't addressing the issues in their lives are able to put off for another 24 hours their own problems and responsibilities toward happiness because they have some internet witch hunt to follow or cheer on.

The lady sucks, but the fuck, but fucking chill out with the mob mentality.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Yeah, like,

yeah, you know, like those people, like

those people having the, you know, fucking around with each other there at the Oasis concert?

Which was another fucking great joke Liam had.

He addressed that.

He's like, yeah, there's no cameras on you.

It's 2025.

We don't give a shit what you're doing.

Yeah, that whole thing where like something, like, so those two people were at that cold play thing.

Like the people who then have to go out and try to hunt them down, find out where they work,

and try to get them fired and ruin their jobs, ruin their careers, because of what?

For what?

You're not doing it for the people that they're cheating on.

You're just doing it for your own fucking entertainment.

Yeah, it's a strange place.

I've been off social media now for the better part of a month and

do not miss it.

Do not, it's funny, right?

And now all of a sudden, after a year of not thinking I had the time to figure out the Starship Enterprise that is the fairing on that fucking Harley,

I'm just up there.

You know, I started reading again, and then all of a sudden the idea of like picking up

an

owner's manual wasn't as intimidating.

Like, I keep saying this, I'm telling you, dude, like, they want you,

they don't want you to fucking think.

This is like, I think

what we're heading towards with these nerd billionaires and these fucking robots

is going to make the Nazis look like a fucking three-day weekend.

I think, I literally think that they are going to just lull us into not being able to do anything.

And every device in your house will have an app.

It will be tracking you the entire time.

You're not even going to know, like, there's going to be a generation of people that doesn't even know how to drive a car.

They're not going to know how to.

All you're going to do is just be like ushered in and ushered around.

Like, you ever see like these pro athletes

who've just, they crushed it their whole career, Hall of Fame, professional career.

They never had to think about what they were going to eat.

Like, everything was just set up for them.

And then they retire and they're spit out the other side and they don't have a caregiver anymore.

And they literally, they have to learn how to function like a fucking human being.

I think they're just going to lull us all to sleep, take away as many skills.

There's going to be no carpenters, no nothing.

It's all going to be done by AI.

And then we're going to be so fucking useless, we won't even be able to defend ourselves.

And they're just going to usher us into whatever fucking mass camp to get rid of us.

I mean, I really have to be honest with you that fucking billionaire who said, do you think the human race should survive?

And he had to like think about it.

Like the level of money and power that that guy should have, like that guy should be, that guy should be eliminated.

He should be removed from society.

Those people, they are fucking insane people.

Insane people.

But they're nerds, you know?

They're not good looking people.

They're not fucking cool.

So everybody's looking at them like they're harmless.

I don't know.

It's kind of frightening.

So I don't know.

I think you have better things to do than wait around on social media for someone to say the wrong thing or make a mistake in their life so you can follow that story for like your own entertainment.

Like some of the shit that's out there, like I'll tell you what's what's fucking wild to me is on one of those stupid streaming services, there's evidently a reality show about two parents dealing with the fact that their kid committed a murder.

It's like, who the fuck would watch that?

That's entertainment.

And don't even even say you're watching it as a parent to try to figure out what not to do.

I mean, the fact that the parents, their kid did that and then they signed off to do a TV show.

I mean, that whole thing is just, it's a shit show.

I remember that back in the day when that Michael Jackson shit came out.

Everybody's like, have you seen that?

You see that new Michael Jackson documentary?

I'm like, no, they're like, you got to watch it.

It's like, I don't.

You know, alleged pedophilia testimony is not going to be my entertainment choice for the evening before I go to sleep.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm weird.

I think I'm just weird.

I like it, though.

I like being a fucking weirdo.

All right, clips.

Dear Billy the Bitter.

Guilty as charged.

How about Billy the disappointed?

Can I do that?

You know, if you call things to light, I mean,

I don't res what, what, I resent the fact that we're going to have cars that don't dry.

I don't resent other people's success, do I?

I don't think I do.

All right.

I guess I resent nerd's success.

The guy who did Spotify.

All right, clips.

Dear Billy the Bidder, I have recently set a rule into motion with my friends and family.

It goes like this.

Do not send me clips.

I like it.

If there is a current event that even borders important or serious, do not send me a clip.

I'm tired of finding out that the thing I got mad at was in fact

not the full story.

Some, yeah, rage bait.

Some of these things are very convincing and as you say, just helps affirm

yours or the person who's sending it.

to your bias.

The amount of times some people in my life will send me some the sky is falling type of clips is out of control.

If you dig further into most of these, they're disingenuous.

There's some truth with an insane amount of exaggeration.

Yeah, you have to understand that there's no rules of libel or slander on the internet.

So you really should not be believing anything that you're seeing.

At least try to like

Google it.

and see if there's enough credible

things.

Here's the thing: if you write for a newspaper and you tell a lie, you could get sued

for liability or slander, okay?

Defamation of character.

What about when the newspaper's online?

Can they lie more on that and not get sued?

I don't know.

So, anyway, plombing head, the amount of times, some people, blah, blah, blah, there's some truth,

not to mention, this is how dumb people behave.

I'm in my 40s, and I remember a time when you used to read a long article or hold on a minute, even a book, to understand the history of something before making strong claims about the present or something.

Can you believe what Biden slash Trump/slash Democrats slash Republicans did?

Clips are the lowest form of intellect.

Thanks for the free podcast.

I would say that it's the laziest form of intellect.

But that's good.

All right, so listen to this person.

This person's going to read a book and stuff like that.

Like, I'm telling you,

the worst thing about the internet is you're going to put bookstores out of business.

And

I don't know.

And you're also putting privacy, like the internet is just putting privacy out of business.

I know you can read, you can download a book and have it on a tablet, whatever the fuck it is, but like now they know what you're reading and all of this shit.

It's just all,

and there's no pushback from any of these fucking politicians because they're all getting fucking paid.

And people just still think that there's a good side and a bad side when it comes to politics.

And it's just like, no, dude, there's one side.

It's their side.

And they're all getting fucking paid.

And part of their job is to blame each other.

They just go out there.

It's like wrestling.

They just blame each other.

And then everybody in the crowd picks a side and and we all yell at each other.

Is any of that new information?

Like, how many times does somebody have to say that before people start to believe it?

I don't know.

All right.

No waiters.

Billy buffed it.

Lay over at JFK, and we were hungry, so we went to a steak restaurant.

The restaurant had no waiters, no menus, and nobody to help us with our order.

The host told me I had to scan the QR code on the table, then use my phone to manually type in an order for everyone at the table.

After reluctantly obliging, when we got to the end of the ordering processing of my phone, we couldn't complete the order unless I gave my full name, email, and phone number, and it still was expecting a 15 to 20% tip.

Yeah, and you know who that's going to?

The fucking owner of the restaurant.

Even though there wasn't one human in the whole process.

So my wife and I were like, fuck this, let's go somewhere else.

We checked out six other restaurants before finding out,

finding one with actual humans

with menus.

Yeah, that's what you should do.

That's a little mini rebellion.

Fuck you.

Fuck you.

Anyway, is this normal?

I know you travel a lot.

Yeah, they do that in like Newark and all those New York ones.

And, you know, they're like.

You know, one of the biggest metropolitan areas.

So you can expect that everywhere else.

What I would say is bring your own fucking food.

Fuck them.

You don't have to play the game.

And if all of us stop playing the fucking game, like we won't get sucked further into it.

Anyway, is this normal?

I know you travel a lot.

We travel a few times a year, but haven't seen this before.

I was ready to go hungry if we didn't find a real restaurant, but my wife and kids weren't.

Yeah.

Yeah, they're just, they're just, they're walking us, they're walking us slowly.

They're slowly walking us to, there's a camp, I'm telling you, there's a fucking camp at the end of this thing.

Avenge me!

Red Dawn.

All right.

Best backup QB of all time.

All right, this is the last one here.

Dear Billy, case closed.

Case closed, Burr.

Case Keenum.

After hearing your defense of Case Keenum this past week, I wanted to write in and make the case for the best backup QB of all time.

I want to make a case for

more sports knowledge like this.

All right?

I want to find, like,

who had the longest career as a place kicker?

Like, just stupid shit like that.

I love all of this stuff.

Longest tenure as a third base coach.

All right.

Dear Billy

Case Keenum, I wanted to write in and make a case for the best backup QB of all time.

Although Case Keenum certainly is the type of guy you want backing up your QB, I don't know if there can be a debate about the GOAT backup

QB.

I'm talking about Earl Morrill.

backup quarterback for six different teams over his 20-year NFL career.

Here's a peek into some of his Hall of Fame worth

accolades and stats.

Earl Morrill, I believe he avenged a Super Bowl III loss with a Super Bowl V win.

Last second field goal, Colts over the Cowboys.

That's what I'm going to guess.

Here's a peek.

Three times Super Bowl champion, all three of which he was the starting quarterback.

for the team during the season.

Oh, so it was the other two with the Dolphins, including the 1968 MVP season when he led the Baltimore Colts to their Super Bowl when Johnny Unitas went down with injury.

One-time NFL champion, one-time MVP, won nine playoff games for the Dolphins in their undefeated season.

Oh, nine games, sorry, for the Dolphins in their undefeated season.

I did not know that on the way to their Super Bowl date, through for a 51% completion rate, a 5.5%

interception rate on pace with the top QBs of today.

20,000 yards over 102 games, on pace for over 60,000 yards if he were a starter with today's scheduling.

To this

day, it befuddles me how this guy didn't get into the Hall of Fame.

In my opinion, he's the undisputed best backup of all time.

Who would be your best backup QB of all time?

Any favorites?

Thanks for all the laps and go fuck yourself.

Well, the problem is with his career is being a backup, that's hard.

And then I also felt like he took the lion's share of the blame for the Colts' loss in Super Bowl III, which was like

a foregone conclusion.

It was considered the AFL was an inferior league.

And he lost to Joe Namath.

a Hall of Fame quarterback.

So maybe that like hurt him.

I would say, if I would say best backup quarterback of all time,

and I would say also one of the most disrespected QBs of all time,

I would go with Doug Floody.

Like, how many times did Doug Floody have to back somebody up, come in and win, only to be replaced by another 6'4 ⁇ , 6'5 ⁇ guy, and then get traded again?

He had to go up to the CFL, win multiple Gray Cups.

You know, he had like the Warren Moon career.

Like, Warren Moon, like, how many times did he have to fucking prove that he could play

in the NFL by when how many championships did he have to win with the Edmonton Eskimos?

So, Warren Moon was racism, and Doug Fluty was heightism.

He was, they just didn't think, you know, his rollout style would work.

And now, look, now look.

Like, I feel like Kyler Murray and all of these guys, Michael Vick and all of them, like, they just wouldn't let him do it.

And

was it Marlon Briscoe?

I always bring him up, right?

Of

the Denver Broncos was the first

guy that I've seen footage of.

And that was way back in the 60s with the Denver Broncos.

And he had that style.

But he was black.

So the next year they drafted a white quarterback, and then they shipped his ass off to Buffalo where he became a fucking wide receiver.

So

I say Doug Fluty,

Steve Young.

But like, those guys were like, Steve Young was more like waiting his turn.

So I would say more Doug Floody.

Best backup.

I mean,

there was a lot of quarterback controversies.

Vince Ferragamo was a great backup.

Came on to play.

Who is the Steelers?

Steelers had a great backup for Terry Bradshaw,

another African-American quarterback.

He could play.

Man, I'm drawing a blank.

That's a tough one, like off the top of my head.

And a backup.

I want like a legit backup.

Maybe Vince Ferragamo, because they they had like a quarterback controversy.

Like, remember that year, like, the Dolphins had like

was Don Strzok

and David Woodley, and they would just kind of go back and forth between the two of them.

But they were both treated kind of like backups.

Yeah, I don't know.

That is a good goddamn question.

But it has to be like a legit backup quarterback.

I don't mean that somebody that came in and then just won the job like a Dak Prescott, you know?

Who took over for Tony Romo and then never lost the job again.

So I'll have to do

a little research.

But like, I actually think that like, backup quarterbacks are some of the coolest people on the fucking team.

Have like some of the coolest careers

because they have the QB swagger and they've been the big man on campus.

If you're a backup quarterback at the NFL level, you would the starting quarterback at a college and in high school.

So you've been crushing ass

the entire fucking time.

Scott Zolak

some trying to think of the Patriots backup.

Scott Zolak,

Matt Cavanaugh.

Oh, what was the name of the guy that fucking he came in?

I'm drawing a blank, dude.

I have dad brain now.

I can't remember anything.

Who was the guy that came in when Tom Brady, the one year he got hurt,

and he had a career year

with the Patriots and then went to the Kansas City Chiefs and had a tough time out there.

He was a misunderstood guy.

You know, he was driving a Ferrari in New England, and then they went out to Kansas City, and then they blame him because

he was flying, he was driving a fucking Ford Pinto, right?

At the time, anyway.

Fuck, what the fuck was his name?

Matt Castle.

Boom.

That's a good one.

Anyway,

plowing ahead here.

All right, so I'll be doing a bunch of LA dates coming up.

The dates will be coming out, you know, like going to be doing one or two a month,

doing Thousand Oaks, and then later on this month I'm doing Riverside.

You know, I'm going out to the goddamn people.

All right, that's where I go.

All right.

This is the fucking, you know,

the upper deck.

All right.

This isn't the luxury box fucking tour.

I'm going out to the goddamn people.

All right.

And with that, the podcast is going to be a little short this week, man.

I had a,

I don't know.

I'm just dealing with a lot of fucking shit.

My brain just isn't here today.

So

I do apologize.

I'm stuttering.

I'm looking at this fucking mess of a basement I have here.

Just a bunch of crap I have to fucking take care of.

How does this happen?

How do you just

accrue all of this or gather all of this fucking shit?

And you don't even notice it.

Down here in my basement, and I'm just looking at like

Halloween stuff, Christmas shit,

old fucking toys.

Look at all of this fucking crap.

Like, I need to rent like a fucking skid steer to come down here.

How did I get all of this shit?

I mean, I want to blame my wife.

I'm going to put out a book.

When in doubt, blame your wife.

Just don't do it when she's around so she can't defend you.

She can't defend herself with facts.

I'm doing what the billionaire is doing.

I'll tell you why this place is such a mess.

It's because of these goddamn wives.

It's not because of me.

Anyway, all right.

That is the podcast.

You guys have a great couple of days.

Go fuck yourselves, and I will check in on you on Thursday.

I apologize that I haven't done any shit about the Moto GP.

For some reason, their website is not letting me on, even though I have an account and I paid for it.

So I have to fucking deal with that.

I'm like three races behind.

I'm assuming Mark Marquez is just continuing to lay waste to this season.

And if he won the next three races, I would think he's like a race away from having the whole thing sewn up.

The Marquez brothers have been killing it this year.

All right, Alex and Mark.

Okay, that is the podcast.

I'm official this time.

All right, I'll talk to you on Thursday.

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