Criterion Collection, His New Car, Television | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 9-11-25

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr.

It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

And I'm just checking in on you.

Just checking to see.

Just checking in to see how you're doing.

Oh my god, I've been driving my wife nuts, but making her fucking laugh.

I went to the Emmy, the Creative Arts Emmys, and for some reason,

I don't know when they're showing.

I think they're showing them this weekend.

I just started doing this impression of Arnold Schwarzenegger presenting.

And it was like, and now, ladies and gentlemen, here are the nominees for best action movie or variety special.

And I was just doing these stupid things.

And I was just

naming old school performers as the winners.

And I just kept getting more and more obscure.

and it just became me yelling famous people from the 80s names in Arnold Schwarzenegger's voice.

And I don't know why it was so stupid and so silly.

She's my favorite person in the world to make laugh.

She was, I don't know, maybe it had to be there, but I was for two days.

I was just walking around going, like, and the winner in the Emmy goes to

John Denver and Miss Piggy.

Her favorite one was,

and the Emmy goes to Max Hedrum and Cindy Lopper for I Am Unusual 2.

I was doing.

It was one of the most fun things.

It was cathartic to just be screaming these famous people's names

as Arnold Schwarzenegger and then just remembering

Todd Bridges and Mary Lou Ret, and

just all these people that I grew up with.

Anyway,

that's what I've been doing for like the last couple of days.

As I mentioned, or maybe I didn't mention, I played some drums today.

I've been working on my

16th notes with one hand.

That James Gadson, Jeff Picaro thing.

I took a lesson with my buddy Dave Elich, who has a whole new

drum program that he's going to be coming on the podcast, spoiler alert, to promote.

Very happy for him.

He gave me a lesson on that.

And today, some of the stuff that he was showing me started getting into the muscle memory, you know.

And for like a couple of seconds, you're doing it.

And then you're like, oh my God, I'm doing it.

And then all of a sudden, you just, you blow it after that.

So very excited about that.

And

I've also been going to my kids.

My kids are playing sports now.

And I am just like

the happiest father ever.

And

I made the rookie dad going to a sporting event mistakes.

I sat in those bleachers, you know, with the aluminum fucking benches like they had back in the day at Sullivan Stadium.

And

like, I'm just too old to sit on those.

I felt that for like three days.

So I brought, I have like a folding chair.

So I brought the folding chair.

I had my little thermos of water.

And I'm just sitting there watching them practice and everything.

And like, you know, and I've just made my decision.

I go, I am not going to be that dad.

Okay.

I didn't have some unfulfilled Olympic dream that my kid now has to like

fulfill.

I'm just like

rooting for everybody.

I just want everybody to have a good time.

And the end of practice, I hey, great practice, coach, or whatever.

Thanks a lot.

And then I come home and whatever drills they were working on, you know, we kind of do them in the backyard, just messing around, having a good time.

And

it's been great.

I haven't missed a practice yet.

And fortunately, I'm home.

I've been doing some sporadic road gigs out here.

Nothing but positive shit this week, everybody.

All right.

I know this was a tough week, so let's just go positive here.

I did a thousand oaks last night in a beautiful theater out there that I didn't even know existed.

Went out there, and it was just such a fucking great crowd.

Right out of the gate, I was just making fun of them.

You know, it was just a weird part of LA.

Like, we pulled onto the street, and there was like a Ferrari dealership.

And then, like, right across the street is like fucking houses that look like they've fallen down and people are really struggling.

And it's just like, you know, it's just sort of riffing on like, that's what America's becoming.

It's just becoming like, you know, one guy has 12 Ferraris and then somebody across the street is like eating like fucking

a hand sandwich, as they used to say back in the day, right?

Hopefully that gap will shrink.

It'll come back again.

And the middle class is the greatest thing, the greatest fucking thing ever about the United States is the middle.

The middle class is the greatest.

It's the best fucking...

It's the best place to be.

It's the best place to be.

You know?

My voice is cracking.

I'm so emotional about it.

Being middle class, where you have a job and you have benefits, and you can pay your fucking rent and you can make your fucking mortgage.

Why people want to take that away?

The people at top want to stay in power.

You fucking take care of the goddamn middle class.

It's the greatest.

Middle class is the fucking best.

Monday through Friday, second, five o'clock Friday.

I don't have to think about this fucking job until Monday.

That's for the rich guy.

That's his fucking problem.

And you go out, yeah, you have a good time.

You got yourself a little boat, you know, whatever you do.

You got a motorcycle.

You know what I mean?

You got yourself a fucking

whatever the hell it is that you wanted to do.

Hopefully someone will bring that back.

So anyway, I did my show last night and I got a ton of material right now, but it's like, I got to like sort of hone it or whatever.

So thank you to everybody out there that sat through that shit.

But, you know, it was really just like,

I can't explain it, man.

Like the crowd was just, it was perfect.

And just the jokes that I was talking about just really fit in.

I think because it was sort of everybody was there and, you know, I was making fun of the Amazon guy, actually defending him, how much I'm worried about him and his new marriage.

You know, that's sort of the angle I was taking.

And the guy lives on the other side of the Santa Monica Mountains, I think,

out in Malibu.

So I was just thinking, like, you know, there might be somebody in this crowd that actually knows this guy,

which, you know, added to the fun.

And I got to tell you something.

Bianca

and Dean Del Rey murdered.

Dean Del Rey went up with like a bunch of new materials.

One of the hardest I've ever seen him kill.

And then Bianca came out with all of this new stuff.

She had a big event.

I don't want to take away from anything that she's doing, but she had a big event happen in her life, which I'm very happy for her.

And she was talking about that and was absolutely fucking hilarious.

And

then one of my buddies from Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross, John Pirricello, he came out.

We got to chop it up.

You know, saw a bunch of friends.

It was sort of the,

it was perfect.

It was a beautiful theater, amazing crowd.

And then I

had a good enough set with what I was doing.

And then I went home and slept in my own bed.

How do you beat that?

I'll tell you, I beat that.

I watched two fucking incredible movies this week.

One I started to watch last week, I was telling you guys about

Medium Cool.

I saw that one, and then

which I really think a lot of it they guerrilla shot around the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago.

It's one of, like,

it, it's, it's

Robert Forster.

I've just been going down a rabbit hole watching his movies.

And then I saw this movie, The Parallax View,

on Criterion Channel.

If you're not on the Criterion Channel, it's like Cinemax for smart people.

There's still a lot of nudity, but it's done in a very tasteful way.

The Parallax View might be my favorite Warren Beatty movie, and it's 10 years, it's like made in 73, came out in 74.

So it's basically 10 years after the Kennedy assassination and the Warren Commission.

And it sort of shows where a lot of people's heads were at.

That, like, this is like these corporations are getting out of control

and they might be behind this stuff and all that super paranoid

kind of thriller thing and

incredible cars and just like and then beautiful cinematography and all that you know old billy's becoming like a little cinephile here

i'm reading books now

i'm off social media i finally just decided i don't know what it was i was just like this shit is just it's not good for people i want to get along with people i would like to bring people together i don't want to be angry

And I don't want to be under the control of nerds.

And the fact that nerds have bots on social media designed to enrage their own countrymen

is, it's just like

for the, so what?

So you can get more people on it, so you can have a bigger fucking yacht.

You're gonna you're gonna basically be taking a bat to the knees of your own fucking country is insane to me.

So I don't wanna do that, man.

I do not want to divide people.

I don't want to get divided.

We got to come together here.

The most dangerous message,

public message you could have is we should all come together and find common ground.

That is the last thing billionaire cunts with yachts

who profit off of the misery of others.

They just, anytime anybody wants to bring people together, they figure out a way.

I don't know, to tar and feather the person.

But anyway, let's stay out of the darkness of that.

I finally saw that fucking Ravens-Bills game.

Jesus Christ.

What a fucking goddamn game.

I mean, I'm still, you know, old school.

I like to see defense, but

I really like both of those teams.

And then I was joking,

you know,

I was joking with a buddy of mine.

that, you know, people say I look like the coach and I look like the punter.

And now they're both on the same team.

And they're called the Bills.

I have to get during the football season, I got to go there,

you know, and do a gig and maybe get a picture of all three of us so people can realize that

we're not all the same person.

It's disturbing how much we all look at like each other.

Anyways, It's like the Brady bunch of Bills.

Here's the story.

All right.

And I'm the oldest, so I'm Greg.

And then Sean

is Peter.

And then the Punter.

I don't know.

I got two kids under 10, man.

I'm not good with the names anymore.

The Punter is Bobby Brady.

I'm psyched for that game tonight.

Commanders versus the Packers.

Really like both of those franchises, and I'm psyched that the Commanders are good again.

Oh my God, their fans, their fans went through it over the last 30 years.

There was like,

there was some dark, dark, dark, dark fucking seasons over there for long, long, long periods of time.

So it's great to see them back.

I'm excited.

I like that Bills Jets game this week, I think, is going to be a fun one.

You know, I'm an AFC guy.

And I like that Chargers Raiders game on Monday night.

That should be another fun one.

And I got all the fucking free time in the world to watch watch all of this shit.

So very excited.

And I've been getting unbelievable,

unbelievable quality time in with my kids.

And I'm getting along great with my wife.

So what the fuck do I care?

Life is good.

You know what I mean?

I have no complaints.

It was funny.

My, my Nia was being so nice to me last night, and it was the funniest shit ever.

I just said to her, I go, I just looked at her, I go,

I go, why are you being so nice to me?

And she laughs.

She goes, why are you being so nice to me?

I go, because I love you.

She's like, well, I love you too.

And I'm like, all right.

She's like, fine.

Being in a relationship, I just really realized it's so fucking like

it's so insane because it's like you go into it and you fall head over heels in love.

And in that moment, all of your sadness goes away.

And then, and then

you put

this

unexpected expectation on the other person that you're going to feel like this with them all the time and that they're going to make you happy.

And it took me forever to realize that other people literally cannot make you happy

if you're bringing all of this baggage to the party.

so it's like

it's almost like it's the emotional version of consumerism where it's just like, you know, I'm going to buy that car or I'm going to, you know, get this jacket or whatever.

I'm going to get the NFL package and then I'm going to be happy.

Oh, the NFL package.

I mean, it makes you pretty happy.

But you know what I mean.

And then you get the thing, and then like a week later,

you know what I mean?

You still got molested.

So I mean, you know, it's just a jacket.

Or you're still battling alcoholism, you know, but you know, I got these sneakers.

It just doesn't work for you.

So,

I don't know.

But I will tell you, this car that I bought, I'll just tell you, I bought an old BMW.

It's a six-speed.

It's the most fun car I've ever driven.

I've already taken it to the mechanic twice to get everything all dialed in.

And I don't give a fuck.

I don't give a fuck.

There's an old car

in my neighborhood.

There's a bunch of them.

And there's some, like, I get like excited when I see like

if they're clean or whatever.

I saw somebody in my neighborhood has this really like unique like 1950s.

I don't know if it's a Chrysler or a Dodge or whatever.

But all of us, they always have it sitting on the side of the road.

And the other day I drove by and I saw whoever whoever owned it got a car cover for it.

And I got so fucking excited.

You know,

there's somebody,

you know, up near where I fly,

in their side yard, they have one of those like 1961 to 66 Lincoln Continentals with the suicide doors, like the one from Entourage.

And it has just been sitting there for years, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

Like, oh my god, at least throw a fucking tarp on it.

You know what I mean?

Just go out there every once in a while and just make sure there's not a bunch of fucking mice and rats just building a nest in there.

Something, do something to it.

Um,

I don't know why I give a fuck about old shit like that, but but I do.

So,

anyway, coming up this weekend, uh,

I don't have uh, I don't have shit to do.

I don't have any shows, but I'm definitely gonna try to go out and get on stage.

I got really excited about

that show that I

had last night.

And

I feel like, you know, with all this crazy stuff that's going on, that I really feel laser focused, that my job is really just to go out, make people fucking laugh and make them forget about whatever the fuck is going on.

Because God knows,

how do you, I don't know.

I don't know.

The boiling water.

I don't know how you bring it down to a simmer.

But anyway,

What else?

What else?

Yeah, that's it.

That's it.

That's all I got.

This is why my podcasts have been a little short lately is because I'm fucking happy.

You know, I discovered the Stair Master.

My body's like, what the fuck is this?

So I've been like dropping weight because I can't get on the elliptical now because we're down to just like two of them.

So this has been, you want to hear old Billy Freckles?

You want to hear the old dad, the old fucking dad workout that I've been doing?

I do an entire body workout twice a week.

I do my entire, and

the Emmy Award, and the Grammy Award goes to

Marvin Gaye, what's going on?

What's going on?

You're not from Austria.

No, they got too dark after a while.

I was doing,

oh, the Liberace one.

And the Emmy goes to Liberace far out, way out, keep on drunking, jive turkey special.

Which was an inside joke because what they used to try to do with those old school performers was they would try to like attach him to some, you know, here come the judge, some cool thing that the young kids were saying, but they still had this old act.

Like, there is a Liberace special, like that Paul Lind Hollywood special, he really had kiss on it.

And then there was a Liberace special where he was singing like the doors,

but doing it like dressed like Liberace.

But then they also gave him like a turtleneck, I think, and he had like

a medallion, like a peace medallion on it.

It was just fucking,

it was so, it was, you could basic, basically, people that were running television had aged out

while the whole the dawning of the age of Aquarius, all that fucking hippie shit had come in, and they were kind of caught flat-footed, and they didn't know what to do.

So they were just sort of trying to pick up some of the jargon, and they were throwing it at these fucking 60-year-old entertainers.

It was, it was amazing.

There was a lot of that.

There's like footage of like Buddy Rich.

He had a turtleneck on with like the fucking chain on the outside with the medallion.

It was just that whole thing.

All of a sudden, jazz, big band swing.

Rock was not a fad.

It had taken over.

And now all of a sudden, these rock stars were way more famous.

So they were trying to be like, sort of like,

I don't know,

cool like they were.

It was just a really, and that's also when media was really young.

So they didn't know what to do.

Like, how do you handle when it changes?

There wasn't an ACDC out there to show you that, no, you just keep doing what you're doing and working at a high level and you will continue

to work and you will grow old with your crowd and then also you'll have new people coming in

I will say something about having seen Oasis is I've been singing their songs.

I can't get them out of my head.

I saw them Saturday night.

It's now Thursday.

And I still woke up this morning.

So Sally can't wait.

I mean to be at the Rose Bowl and hear 100,000 people or whatever, whatever they had there singing along like that, it was really fucking

really psyched that I went to that.

I missed out on a lot trying to make it as a comedian with all of these bands and shit.

It's kind of funny that now I'm seeing them all these years later where, like, I could have seen Oasis on their first fucking tour, but when they came to town, I was, you know,

I wasn't even working a funny bone.

Like, where was I in my career then?

I was doing like

this guy, Roger Paul, who I'll forever be indebted to.

He was one of the first guys that headlined me in the tri-state area.

So I was probably when they came through New York

on that first album, 95, 96, is that when it was?

I was probably doing,

you know, he had some gig up in Vermont

that I used to do.

You drive

the, oh my God, I fucking hated that.

87 North.

Oh my God, I hated that highway.

Because it always seemed like it was a fucking eight-hour drive.

I would go all the way up there.

This guy, Mike, I'm spacing on his last name, used to book me at the Lake Ontario Playhouse.

I mean, Jesus Christ.

I mean, the first time I did that, I took a bus up there.

I mean, I can't even remember how fucking long that took.

Or did I take a bus to like

where the f.

And I think I met

the headliner, and then we drove up together.

And then he dropped me off at the bus station on the way back.

Oh my god, like not Poughkeepsie,

Ithaca or some shit.

I can't even remember.

Way back in the fucking day.

And I used to go up that goddamn highway.

And like, one of my first goals as a fucking comedian was like,

I'm going to make enough money where I can rent a car and not have to take a fucking bus.

Wow, dude,

that is a really.

I remember the jacket I was wearing

when I did that.

Those are burned in my brain, those memories.

But anyway, let's do the

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All right, I got to talk about something in that Bill's Ravens game.

I hope Lamar Jackson isn't going to get any sort of fine for pushing that person back in the crowd.

Like,

you know,

there's no other place in the world where some regular person would walk up to two professional athletes, or two people, we'll just say they're not professional, two guys that fucking size in a bar that fucking tall and smack both of them on top of the fucking head.

And I just don't buy into the thing that professional athletes, you know, are held to this standard that they're not supposed to retaliate when something like that happens.

I feel like them not hitting people back, this might be nuts, in the stands is what creates more of that fucking behavior.

I feel like if you want respect, you act respectful.

If you smack somebody on top of the head, they smack you back on top of the head.

But that's not how the world works, is it?

That's not how the world works.

How the world works is that people can fucking

do and say whatever they want to you, and then if you hit them back, all of a sudden they get a big payday

or you get in trouble, you get arrested.

I don't know.

It's a fucking weird world

when it comes to that shit.

So

anyway,

I would hope that they would go a little Dana White on that.

You know?

Where, you know, Dana White kind of like sticks up for whatever he's doing.

I like how he does that.

I wish more of these mainstream sports, I can't say UFC is not mainstream.

They fucking, they're global at this point, right?

But like,

you know, at some point,

you know, the NFL, okay, if, if

somebody stands, hits a professional athlete and they hit him back.

Like, I feel like

the people that run the league also need to talk to the fans.

You know, like, hey, don't hit our athletes.

Okay, you don't want to get hit.

Don't hit people.

Having said that, athletes, when fucking jerk-offs do this, let us handle it.

We'll kick them out of the stadium.

All right, but fans, just because you buy a ticket doesn't mean that you can go there and say whatever you want, throw shit, spit, and hit people.

You know,

grow the, you know, fucking act like a person.

Is that so goddamn hard?

Well, is it?

Anyway, all right, that's the podcast for this week, everybody.

I'm so psyched that the football season has started.

I'm still watching my Red Sox.

They're just closing out with the Oakland A's that are playing in Sacramento at a minor league ballpark.

And I got to give a shout-out to Oakland Bay Area

sports fans.

I mean, they've literally lost

everything.

The Golden State Warriors,

you know,

they play in San Francisco now.

The Raiders have gone to Vegas.

The A's have left.

The California Golden Seals, they were the Oakland Seals at one point.

They moved to Cleveland, became the Barons.

I think they maybe got absorbed by the Minnesota North Stars, which are now the Dallas Stars.

I can't remember.

But, like,

Oakland's one of my favorite cities.

Great fucking people.

Great food scene, great theaters, all of that type of stuff.

You know,

I don't know.

And then all of these tech bros bought up all the San Francisco.

So then the Caucasians that can't afford to be in fucking San Francisco, then they got to go into Oakland, and then the people of color get moved out, and all of this fucking shit.

At least they can keep their sports teams, right?

Nope.

I don't understand it.

I do understand it.

I just think that it's part of this whole leagues getting involved with like sports gambling.

So, I mean, when I was a kid, they avoided gambling, the mob, and going to Vegas like the fucking plague.

And now

they're all up in it.

I mean, what are Sports Leagues going to do next?

Get involved in loan sharking?

I don't know.

Anyway, it's a different world.

I'm an old man.

I don't understand it.

What are you going to do?

All right, that's the podcast.

Have a great weekend, you cunts.

You know, I don't know what to tell you with, you know, with everything that's going on.

Just try to be a good fucking person.

That's all I can say.

All right.

Treat each other with respect.

All right.

That's the podcast.

And enjoy the,

what am I trying to say?

The bonus episode of Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, picked from a Thursday in the past by the great Andrew Temelis.

All right, I'll see you.

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Byrne.

It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, September 11th, 2017.

What's going on?

How are you?

How's it going?

How's it going?

More hurricanes, more hurricanes.

And this is the 17th anniversary of the attacks on the World Trade Center.

The Pentagon, and then the one that went down in Pennsylvania.

You know, I mean, Jesus Christ, what is going on this week?

It's just all gloom and friggin' doom.

You know, I was sitting there watching the news

with Nia, right?

And they're showing highlights of this,

was it Hurricane Ursa?

Is it what it is?

Jim Ursay, was coming into fucking Miami, right?

And there's some fucking, you know, white dude out there, of course, being like, well, you know, it's not coming down real hard.

They show like five white people out there.

And Nia literally said to me, she goes, what is wrong with white people?

I had to laugh.

I was like, you know, for the most part, we grew up in cul-de-sacs.

There's no excitement.

There's no drive-bys.

There's no, you know,

cops beating you up for no reason, generally speaking, you know, it's kind of, hey, knock it off over there.

Straighten up.

I know your father.

You know, it's kind of like that.

So I guess, you know, a hurricane comes around you, you need a story.

Shit, you need a story.

I have no idea why.

I came up with a hacky 80s joke, though, about fucking the hurricanes.

It's, why don't they have all the people stand where the reporters are?

Because the reporters never die.

They're always standing in the fucking middle of the shit.

I don't know how these news agencies know exactly where to fucking stand, but somehow they stand just enough in the shit.

I don't buy it.

I don't buy it.

I'm sure.

Has one of them died yet?

You know?

How the fuck?

I mean, how the fuck?

You know?

Jesus, Bill, spit it out.

Sorry, I flew today.

I'm already dumb, but once I fly, it just, you know, breathing that fucking pressurized air up there

I mean it's fucking inevitable if you stand out inside in a fucking hurricane something's gonna fall on top of you it's bad enough like I love when they sit there and they tell these people you need to evacuate you got to get out of there it's like and go where

to my summer home don't you remember the fucking banks left half this country upside down in their fucking house

It's fucking unreal.

I don't understand like where these people are supposed to go.

Like where do they go?

Everybody just goes goes north and sits in a fucking waffle house for three, four days?

All the hotels get bought up.

And if you don't have money,

what are you supposed to do?

Anyways, at least it was knocked down to a category three, man.

I read some fucking, you know, read some horrible shit about Houston.

That's still going on.

Now there's all mold and there's all you know, you don't need to listen to this.

You see it all fucking day.

This is all just gloom and doom, all fucking misery here.

So

why don't I go to something positive i actually uh a friend of the podcast

one of the great drummers of all time stephen adler uh he sent me this thing he's got a uh

they're doing something for ronnie james deal um on october 6th at 6 30 p.m bowl for ronnie celebrity oh christ my eyes are going celebrity bowling tournament all right Oh, fuck, I'm not going to be able to read this.

I can't.

Okay, here we go.

Oh, God, I love that you can enlarge it.

I wish I could do this to the world, man.

I have to get glasses.

Why won't I just give in to the fact that I need glasses?

All right, October 6, 2017, 6.30 p.m.

Celebrity Bowling Tournament.

Bowl for Ronnie.

Oh, for God's sake, Stephen, where's it going to be at?

Oh, at Pinn's Bowling Center.

12655 Ventura Boulevard, Studio City, California, 91604.

Go down there.

It's for a great cause.

And, you know, have yourself a white Russian, you know, and tell Donnie to shut the fuck up, okay?

You know, be down there for a great cause.

Alrighty, there you go.

I'll put up a link.

I'm going to post the whole

flyer on the Monday morning

thing of a jig.

There's another guy.

I got the TV on there.

And I'm on my Twitter account.

There's a guy standing out there.

Jesus Christ.

Standing out there in the fucking rain.

Like the video Al Roker's out there.

How many hurricanes has that poor bastard stood out and now it's going up to Tampa?

Then it looks like it's going to go right over the Florida Gators football stadium

and somehow die around fucking Macon, Georgia.

Is that what they're saying?

Is that the trajectory?

I don't know what.

Anyways.

So I was in

Mississippi.

Flew into fucking Mississippi on Thursday night and I missed the entire New England Patriots game.

And from what I've I've heard, as a Patriots fan, it was probably better to just land and find out that they got the shit kicked out of them.

Really, just kind of in the fourth quarter, though.

I mean, it was kind of a shootout with no fucking defense, as far as I could tell.

The Chiefs are all excited doing fucking cartwheels because they let up fucking 27 points.

I don't know what they're so fucking excited about, but I will tell you, as a Patriots fan, I'm pretty fucking happy.

I'm going to tell you why.

I'm going to tell you why.

Because I don't, like, the fucking worst worst thing ever is when, before you even start the season, those fucking hacks on the sports shows go, you know, they talk about your team like, couldn't they go with the video?

Right?

They start doing that shit.

So before the fucking season already starts, you already got that fucking monkey on your back.

Every fucking fat douche who never got picked in gym class coming in with his fucking loafers and his sweaters, waddling into your locker room, just trying to rip the team apart and just adding just distraction.

So right out of the gate, we fucking lose.

All of that is gone.

And then immediately they go, oh, oh, oh, oh, wait a minute, wait a minute.

Remember when you're saying Tom Brady isn't the after his last game was the greatest without a doubt of all time?

Now we're the exact same people one fucking game later saying he's too old.

So I'm loving that.

I'm loving all of that.

I would actually

love if we lost next week too, but then they would have all this, you know, what's because of the time to hit the panic, blah, blah, blah.

You'd have to deal with that.

So I'm hoping, you know, they win the next 3-4, they lose another one, 4-2, then they're five.

Just nobody's paying attention.

They treat us like the Indianapolis Colts.

Remember when they were 13-0 and nobody said shit for whatever fucking reason?

Which is really a reoccurring thing with the Indianapolis Colts, no matter what they do.

Hearing aids in the fucking helmets, fucking pumping crowd noise in, tanking the final third of a season to get Andrew Luck, stealing the Patriots' offense fucking being on the rules committee changing the rules of passing and on and on and fucking on right

going 13 and oh nobody saying shit ah they're just a bunch of country boys out there we won't pay attention to them I love it I love that we I mean I hate our fucking defense but I haven't liked our defense since we won our first three

I think ever since then we've always been like you know well we're gonna score you what are you gonna score 35 we're gonna score 38 I always just I just kind of feel like we've been like that for too long and occasionally we've brought we've brought in a shutdown corner like a Revis

oh then Taleb whatever the fuck his name was who was here for like a year or two he was fucking great but then all of a sudden they're like yeah okay now I want to get paid they're like yeah nah

nah

so um

anyways

Yeah, so I just, I watched a little bit of the highlights.

I mean,

when you give up an 85-yard touchdown in your corner, like fucking lets lets the guy go by him because he thinks he's got help over the top and the guy just isn't there.

I mean, I really don't think that's the Chiefs kicking our ass as much as that's

just horrible defense.

You know what I mean?

I would say, though, that that guy running for like 6,000 yards against us is definitely a concern.

But, you know, what are we supposed to win it every fucking year?

You know?

I'm all right with it.

I love it.

I love it.

So there we go.

So now what?

Now what?

We go 11 and 5.

They'll fix it, but I don't know.

You know what we do.

We always fucking have guys and then they make the Pro Bowl and then they ask for more money.

Then we let them go and then we got to build it back up again.

So we'll see.

It is definitely towards the end of Tom Brady's career.

You know, I don't know how it could have gone any fucking better.

You know, what are you going to do?

I mean, with the fist, you know, you know why so many people flipped out about that aside from the fact that they hate the Patriots?

It's that's how people,

that's how most people live their lives.

You know, they take one loss and they just pack it in.

Oh, yeah, we're never going to do it.

And I'm including a lot of Patriot fans.

You know, those, but you can never listen to those sports shows because even like the people who call in,

you know, they always use words like concerned.

I'll tell you right now, I'm really concerned about our past defense on third downs.

Are you?

What are you concerned about?

As if

you're a part of the coaching staff, and if it doesn't work, you're going to get fired.

You're going to have to put your house up for sale and reload, you relocate your kids once again.

What exactly are you concerned about?

But congratulations to the Chiefs.

I've actually always liked the Chiefs.

I used to always watch those Super Bowl highlights and that one with Hank Stram, you know, 64 tosspower trapper, was always like one of the great ones.

He's just sitting there laughing his fucking balls off.

And everybody loved that back then.

But now, if they had that audio, he'd have to issue an apology to the Minnesota Vikings and Bud Grant and the family and all that bullshit.

But

so anyways, I was flying back from Alabama, and so the only football games I was able to catch, I watched the Green Bay-Seattle game, which I know Seattle fans hate because they definitely seem like they were getting the short end of the stick.

Certainly on that Phantom Punch ejection, which I didn't see.

I just saw the replay of it.

Of course, it happened on a fucking pick-six.

Always fun to watch Pete Carroll Luke blow a fucking gasket.

But that guy is a great coach, and that's a great defense you know what I mean the fucking legion of doom you know

legion of boom sorry boom right in your ass with the steroids

fuck all you guys if you're gonna bring up every fucking goddamn time Jesus Christ we bend a card In fucking New England, I'm fucking trashing everybody.

I am doing research on all your fucking teams, and I'm gonna do what you guys do.

Every fucking time you give me shit about, I'm fucking fine.

I'm gonna fucking look in the corners of your franchise.

Jesus Christ, like 30% of that fucking team tested positive, defense tested positive for fucking steroids, and they're still just talking about how great they are.

Unbelievable.

Oh, that's another Colts one.

The guy who caught the fucking allegedly deflated ball, which was never fucking proven.

It's never fucking proven.

Yet Tom still got fucking suspended.

Everybody's basically paying the price for the under-suspension of Ray Rice, I think, when they go into Roger Goodell.

How psyched was he that the Patriots lost after those barstool guys had that hilarious t-shirt of him, just like a fucking clown?

Is there anything better than just calling, he's a fucking clown?

All your accomplishments just go right out the window.

That fucking guy, Roger Goodell, makes $30 million a year.

$30 million a year.

If you can catch him walk into his car and you go, hey, dude, you're a fucking clown.

I'm telling you, as much as he has $30 million, probably $16 after taxes, it bugs him.

He's going to be thinking about it when he's drinking his little donkey's coffee in the morning.

Fuck is that guy to call me a clown?

Talking himself, you know?

When he's putting his suit on, he's got the jacket, tie, and shirt.

He looks like one of those guys.

He gets everything on.

He puts the pants on last.

Cluthing, he already has his shoes on with the fucking socks and the sock garters.

You got him talking to himself as he's adjusting the nut and the fucking, the knot right there in the mirror.

So anyway, so I watched that game and the defenses looked obviously great in those fucking games.

And now

I got the Cowboys and Giants in the background.

I did watch the Moto GP race.

I just watched

the big boys.

I didn't get to watch Moto GP 3 or 2, but what a fucking race.

How about Mark Marquez just saying, you know, DaVizioso is just like, hey man, I'm going to take the fucking points.

Mark Marquez is like, fuck that.

Fuck that.

I'm going for the victory.

For you guys who don't watch motorcycle racing, it was raining out and they still race.

They don't quite go as fast, but they were going like over 150 miles an hour in the fucking rain on each other's asses.

And this guy, what the fuck was his name?

He started the race.

He

fucking shot right up the side into first pace.

What the fuck is being with a pee?

I can't.

I'm new to the sport.

I don't know all their names.

So anyways,

no, it didn't.

It was that guy,

Bill.

Why don't you just look this shit up so you can talk?

You know what happened.

You just can't remember the fucking names.

What was the guy's name?

Larry Legend?

Is that the guy who fucking shot up in first before he fucking wiped out?

There was more goddamn accidents today, or yesterday, I should say, when they were racing.

And anyways, everything that Formula One needs, Moto GP has.

It was a race right down to the end, and fucking Mark Marquez said, fuck this, I'm going for the points, because if he got to 25, he was going to be tied with DeVizio.

So he passed him on the fucking last lap, or second to last lap, and then held him off.

You know, it was some Phil Mickelson shit, you know.

I'm not going to fucking, you know, just try to get back out on the fairway.

I'm going to try to put it in the hole.

Then I'm going to four-putt and walk away with sweaty tits.

I mean, that's what this man did, but basically on a motorcycle.

So that was very enjoyable.

But let's get down.

Let's talk about going down south.

Now that the Patriots season is evidently over and Tom Brady is over the hill.

You know, the Atlanta Falcons won today, and the New England Patriots lost.

The exact opposite thing that happened the last time.

So there you go.

I don't know what that means.

I'm sure Atlanta Falcon fans, if they could switch, you know, the results with the Patriots, I think they would, you know, but evidently the fucking football sky is falling.

You know what I fucking hate about fantasy football?

That has literally taken over.

Like

they used to have like in the sports pages, they used to just have, they would have like the leaders.

It was something, it was really easy to find the leaders.

You could collect football cards and shit i used to know so much more about the game i don't know anybody's name anymore anytime you go to any sort of website where they have like fantasy they when you want to look at stats it's all this fantasy football shit

get this guy on your team peyton mannings fucking advertising that stuff

i don't know should i just give in Should I just give?

I don't want to do that shit.

I don't want to have somebody on a team that I actually, I don't really hate any other team team in the NFL.

Do I hate any team?

I hate Jim Ursay.

That's it.

That's the only person I don't like.

You know, there's certain people that act like fucking idiots in the league that I don't particularly care for, but then I don't hate the team.

You know?

Here's another classic.

The Cowboys are probably going to beat the Giants because this is what the Cowboys and Giants do.

The Cowboys win in the beginning part of the year, and then the Giants always fucking lose, and then in the end, they come back around.

And they do the same thing down in New York.

So time to move on from Eli.

He only steps up in every fucking big moment in January, his entire career.

I think it's time to get rid of him

because he fucked up in September.

You know, I didn't even.

I'm gonna look this shit up.

Did that Ezekiel Elliott guy play?

Seems to me

what's weird is they threw out his case in the real world.

But it's like

in the NFL, you need less burden of proof.

Elliot Cowboys, is that his fucking name?

Elliot Cowboys to play.

Is he playing?

Judge Grant's temporary restraining order request for Dallas Cowboys running back, probably from that psycho.

That person who's seeming like a psycho.

Okay, Ezekiel Elliott really makes.

Yeah, I've been out of the loop.

All right, so he played.

That's good.

That's good.

Because the clown was going to over suspend him.

Oh, look at this.

The NFL is back, and so are the 15 reasons.

It's a complete disaster.

Hey, how about those Los Angeles Rams coming back wearing the Lamar Lundy fucking blue and white?

The fearsome, forsome, Merlin Olson, Rosie Greer.

Was it Lamar Lundy?

I always forget him.

And then what's his face there?

I can never name all four of them.

I always end up forgetting one.

I always remember Merlin Olson, Rosie Greer.

Oh, Jesus Christ, the coolest one of them all.

Deacon Jones.

And was it Lamar Lundy?

Lamar.

Lamar Lundy.

Is this even a podcast?

Is this you guys listening to me fucking, yeah, there you go, right?

Lamar Lundy, was he a Steeler?

Was he a Ram?

Was he a Ram?

Lamar Lundy.

Ram's fearsome force him.

All right, I got it.

All right.

So, anyways, let's get, let's, let's, I'm not watching TV anymore.

Now I'm focused.

Now I'm focused.

Oh, here's Eli driving him in.

What's he got here?

Second and eight, 809 to go in the third quarter.

Eli calling a fucking audible.

Over the middle, fur up first down, moving the ball.

Cowboys fans are all going to be fucked saying you need to fucking bench

fucking quarterback and bring back Roger Starback.

So we did the horseshoe casino in Mississippi.

I had so much fucking fun doing that.

Although it was just a part of the South, man, that was just deep, deep, deep, deep South.

Deep South, hang hang a fucking right.

Don't stop in Alabama, keep going, stop right before you get to fucking

Louisiana.

And

it was just, it was, I don't know, the pace of the people down there was driving me fucking nuts.

You know, I ordered room service twice.

I kept ordering water, and they just wouldn't bring it up to me.

So the second time, I said, Did you,

where's the glass?

Is there a glass of water?

And she's like, Wasn't on the tray.

And I'm like, and

that's what's on the tray.

It just fucking walks out.

There's no, oh, I'm sorry.

I'll go get you some.

It's like it wasn't on the tray.

So then I go to use, like nothing fucking worked.

I go to use the fucking ironing board.

The ironing board was fucked up.

I was trying to make it stand up.

It wouldn't stand up.

I had to bend the piece back.

It wouldn't.

And then I finally just had a fucking meltdown.

And I'm admitting this to the casino.

I jumped up and down on it, and then I pulled the shark nose back.

I felt bad afterwards, and I tried to bend it back, but it's all fucked up.

If you wonder why it's fucked up, I finished it off.

It was already fucked up.

So if you want to send me a bill, I apologize.

And then the next day, me, Dean, and Bardnick drove over into Tuscalooska to go on.

We went to go see Alabama versus Fresno State.

We had a great fucking time.

We met some people there, some friends of mine, and they hooked us up.

We were in this fucking skybox, no sunburn.

You know, it was a cupcake game.

Who's kidding who?

Against Fresno State.

It was a day game.

It's like I went, but I have to go back there again.

I want to go there a night game when they play like Texas A ⁇ M, Mississippi, or fucking,

you know, anybody.

LSU or some shit like that.

I want to go back for that and I want to sit in the fucking crowd the next time.

This was like, it was too nice.

It was awesome.

I had a great time, but it was like,

I didn't get to feel the crowd a little bit, which was perfect because I had a show that night, so I didn't drink.

I'm still not drinking, and I didn't get a sunburn.

So it worked out for me, but I feel like I kind of went to a preseason game.

So we're walking out of there, and fucking Joe Bartnick somehow found the one Russian guy in Alabama.

And shit escalated quickly.

You know, Bartnick walks up to the guy.

The guy, I don't know how they got into a conversation.

The guy said he was, somehow he said he, he overheard us talking.

He mentioned, said something to us.

We're waiting for the elevator.

The guy said that he was Russian.

So Bardnik's a huge Penguins fan.

And he goes,

oh, he's like, oh, you're Russian.

He goes, hey, you know, he's like, Gino Malkin, you have Gennie Malkin, right?

Hey, you like Mulkin?

The guy's like, nah, nah.

He's like, I like, he's like, I like Ovechkin.

And then he goes, you like Ovechkin?

And then he gets right in the guy's face and he goes, zero cups.

Zero cups.

He's like, a vetch kid.

And he goes,

and starts doing the choking thing, right?

Joe had had a couple of sarsaparillas.

Who's kidding who, right?

So they fucking start going back and forth.

And Joe keeps giving him shit.

The guy's going, oh, come on, man, it's a team game.

And he goes, hey, he's got zero cups.

So how can you like zero cups?

Zero cups.

Keeps acting like the guy's choking on a fucking dick.

And the Russian guy's getting mad.

Joe's fucking around.

He's not seeing it.

And the fucking elevator cannot come fast enough because it looks like it's going to escalate into a fight, which, you know, Joe Bartnick, and this Russian guy was actually taller than Joe, but he was skinnier.

But, you know, he's also Russian.

You know what I mean?

So, you know, you know, it's fucking people.

They fucking bitch slapped Hitler all the way back to fucking Berlin.

You know?

Let people out of prisons and say, hey, remember what we threw you in there for?

Why don't you come out and go do that to people who look like this?

And that's what they did.

Half of them were in bare feet.

I mean, I know it's a legend at this point, but it's pretty much fucking true.

So now I'm concerned because they're both, Joe's like whatever, 6'4.

This guy's like 6'5.

And I kept going, Joe, hey, man.

Hey, Joe, take it easy.

He just kept going, hey, guys, got no cops.

Hey, come on.

He's a joker.

And he just kept doing it.

And then he's laughing at the guy.

And I don't know what he just wasn't seeing the guy getting mad.

So the guy goes, hey, why don't we go around the corner?

And Joe's like, hey, let's go around the corner.

And they walk around the corner.

I'm like, are they going to go fight?

And then there was this awkward little moment between them.

And me and Dean are stone sober, like, what the fuck?

So finally, I just go to my buddy.

I go, is there some stairs we can take?

Because the elevator was taking forever.

And he goes, yeah.

I go, yeah, we can take the stairs.

So we go to take the stairs and we're going to walk out.

And the Russians guy's like, I will take the stairs too.

And now they're walking down the stairs.

And it's just like, I couldn't separate them.

I couldn't get them separated.

and

I don't know what happened.

By the end of it they were they were like best of friends ready to go drink some fucking vodka.

We actually left the game

halfway through the fourth quarter because we had to go do our show but we wanted to go around and get a picture in front of the Bear Bryant statue.

And we actually got one in front of the Nick Saber one.

There's one other guy that nobody, everybody always forgets he's only won one championship, but it was pretty fucking amazing to

go there.

I'm telling you, if you get a fucking chance, man, everybody wants to go to the ballparks, all the baseball parks, or go to a fucking Lambeau Field and that type of shit, which I understand.

But, you know, all you guys who live in pro football cities in, you know, New York, Chicago, all that pro shit, Boston, don't sleep on going to big-time college football, man.

I'm telling you.

SEC, Big Ten, you got to go to the University of Michigan.

You got to go to a horseshoe in Ohio State.

You got to go to one of them.

You just have to experience 100,000 fucking people going absolutely fucking nuts.

Pick a good rivalry game, go on fucking StubHub, pay through the nose, go out there, get fucking hammered, go to the game, and then please tell me what you see in the NFL, because I don't think the NFL can nearly touch us the excitement.

Although,

having said that, how great is it that it's fucking football season?

And this is what always happens.

Football season goes by like the summer.

You know what I mean?

Like every year in the summer, I'm like, okay, it's May.

We're going into May.

I'm really going to pay attention and try to enjoy and remember, like, hey, it's the summer.

we're in the summer let's fucking enjoy this shit i still feel that way even though i live out in la where it's summer all the fucking time right

um

and every every fucking year all of a sudden it's just like september right and football season is the same thing you're like oh my god fucking football season it's fucking great then all of a sudden it's like it's the playoffs and you're so focused on the playoffs playoffs That all of a sudden, like

it's that week between the championship game and the Super Bowl.

And you're like, what the fuck happened?

You're so busy putting money on the games and betting on the fucking games, you don't realize not only is there only one two teams left, there's only one game left.

And then we're fucked.

Then we're fucked.

And then the panic starts to set.

And then you think, well, at least I got March Madness, right?

At least I got March Madness.

And then I got the hockey and the basketball playoffs.

And then there's just that, it's just, you know what it really is?

It's just July.

It's that one panic of July.

And into August, the dog days of baseball that you have to fucking deal with.

That's how I ended up getting into fucking, I think, Formula One and all that shit, just to cover that.

And then I totally got into it.

I don't know.

I feel like I've been talking in circles for like fucking 25 minutes.

What is this?

How many awful minutes has this been?

26.

See that?

You're comedian long enough.

You can sense time.

I had this feeling that I'd been bombing for 26 fucking minutes.

So congratulations to everybody's team who won this week, including the Chiefs.

I'm not a cunt.

And everybody who lost, hey, it's only, you know,

it's just one week.

Fucking relax.

25 days of no booze.

25 days of no booze.

I'll tell you how well I'm doing with no booze.

When I went out, I went through the duty free and I saw that McCallum, McCallum Rare Cask black, which I'd never heard of.

And I'm like, I am fucking buying that

when I come back off the plane.

And when I got off the the plane, I, you know,

I think I flew Delta out and United on the way back.

So it wasn't there, but I was going to buy it.

You know, I'm sitting there talking to myself, like, am I done?

Like, I was actually thinking on the plane today, like, I might be done for good.

And then I came home and I ordered these whiskey glasses.

And I'm like, well, that's not a good sign.

Like, if you just say, I'm done with heroin, and then you go to Amazon or you go to like syringe.net, you know, and you just order a bunch of fucking

drug paraphernalia.

I guess as long as you don't buy the drugs, right?

I just, hey, officer, I collect crack pipes, okay?

Can I have, can I have my license back, please?

You're not going to find any residue in there.

So anyway, I was actually thinking on the plane.

I'm like, am I, what if I just,

Next year I turn 50, right?

And I'm just done with the booze.

And then I just become like this yoga Pilates guy.

I just go sting,

right?

Gordon Sumner.

I become that fucking guy.

You know?

I look good for my age.

If I actually fucking did that through my 50s, I would look fucking unbelievable at 60 for a 60-year-old.

You know?

And you figure by then,

you know, how good tanning beds are going to be, how good the hair plugs are going to be.

You know?

and I bet I'll be microchipped by then, which I can also have like the added Viagra

option to it.

You know what I mean?

I think I can stay in the game for another 10 years after that.

I don't know.

What do you guys think?

Have you guys thought about the future you?

The micro-chipped you?

Full head of hair and abs?

All right, let me read some advertising here.

Alrighty.

There, that is done.

That is done.

So I'm actually toying with that idea.

You know?

No booze.

Done.

Done.

I don't know if I can, I don't know.

I understand why alcoholics, like, they take it one day at a time because it's just sitting there like, I'm never going to do this.

No, just today.

I'm just not going to do it today.

Just not going to do it today.

You know?

Sometimes you got to do it, though, right?

You know, your wife's talking to you, and you're sitting there looking at her, smiling and nodding.

She's thinking, oh, I love when he looks at me that way.

He still loves me.

I can see it in his eye.

And you're actually thinking about that bottle of booze that you bought.

How you going to go out in the garage like a fucking degenerate?

Sit in some dirty chair.

You don't give a shit, right?

Pour that glass.

You set the bottle down.

It touches the floor.

You hear it echoing in in your garage.

You know?

That garage that's yours, right?

That garage that you made the decision you weren't going to be like most of these guys who let their wives not only take over the house, but also the garage, right?

They just fill it up with all their shit.

You can't even get the fucking car in there.

That garage is yours.

You put up the dartboard, you get the kegurator, that's your little fucking tree fort.

You know?

I mean, who's kidding?

Who?

You're a guy, you're still a child.

Just because you can grow a beard doesn't mean you're mature, all right?

Would you look at all these stars doing these fucking commercials now?

Jesus fucking Christ, can you leave something on the bone for the struggling actor?

Can't you just do a fucking ad over in Guam like you used to?

Anyways.

I want to redo my fucking garage again.

I got to add something else in there.

I got to add a fucking, you know, now that that i never have my truck in there you know i put it in storage so i kind of flip-flop and everything like that with the new car and then the old car i haven't driven my truck in like two weeks man i'm missing um

i gotta do that someday i gotta have the garage with the fucking room above it you just have to have it that's what it is you know

And then what you have a fucking prenuptial agreement that if we get divorced, I get the garage and the room above it, and you cannot fucking evict me.

That will be mine, and you will get the fucking house.

but you know something fucking they'll just be i just don't feel safe with him being out there

and they cry their way into getting that too

you know

i swear to god um

i wonder if anybody like when a hurricane's coming and if they're in an unhappy marriage like what's going through their mind

You're just sitting there with your wife, you know, she doesn't know that you bought a boat that you tied to the back of the house, a little fucking rowboat, you know?

She can't see it.

You You convince her to try to ride out the storm, and then when the water comes in, you're like, see you later.

Oh, Jesus, Bill.

All right, let's get to the fucking questions this week.

I apologize.

You know what?

I don't apologize.

I don't apologize for fucking

making up shit.

I'm making up shit, man.

What the fuck you want from me?

All right, booze lineups.

Booze lineups.

Did I talk about everything I want to talk about first before I get into this shit?

Let's see here.

Stephen Adler, Ronnie James, Alabama versus Fresno State, Mississippi, horseshoe,

ironing board.

Oh, yeah, when I was waiting for the fucking car to come around, I was standing out in front of the hotel going, I'm never coming to this fucking state again.

I was so fucking...

Everything was going so goddamn slow.

But, you know, once I got over my five-second temper tantrum, I realized that I actually had a great time there.

So I'm going to come back.

Next time I'm coming back, it's either when Ole Miss or Mississippi State has a game.

I'm going to a fucking game then.

And I hope they're playing in Alabama or some shit like that.

Joe finds a Russian.

I talked about that.

No booze 25 days.

Old Billy fucking red velvet cakes was going to take a month off.

Now all of a sudden he thinks he's the second coming of Sting.

You know?

Sting held onto the hair.

He was losing the roof.

And then all of a sudden he started doing yoga.

He started standing on his fucking head and all that blood went to the top of his head, started feeding the roots.

That's what happened.

Maybe mine will come back.

Fantasy football is taking over trading cards and all that shit.

I talked about that.

Well, I guess it's time to get on the fucking

with the booze lineups here.

All right, here's guys.

Booze lineup.

Hey, Billy Bollock Chops.

I'm a listener from a listener from the UK.

By the way, it's 16 to 3.

Well, you guys already know this shit.

Dallas playing some good defense.

I'm a listener from the UK.

I managed to get to your show in Manchester, and it was brilliant.

Ah, thank you.

I was nervous about that show.

You know, all I knew was this fucking soccer hoodlums from the 80s.

You know, the fucking neo-Nazis falling around Man United.

That's all I knew.

I read Among the Thugs, and to me, that was Manchester.

He said, I wanted to send you my team of drinks, but I don't watch baseball.

Oh, your batting lineup.

Okay.

I tried when I was in New York to watch baseball, but I found it boring.

Same with football.

Fucking boring.

He means soccer here, I guess, because he says I only watch for that for the World Cup.

I mainly watch rugby league.

You watch that Seven Nation League where if you come in last, you get the wooden spoon.

NFL for the Seahawks, cricket, and I'm a big fan of F1.

Dude, if you can sit through fucking cricket, you can get through a baseball game.

I mean, that's the same thing, except cricket lasts for fucking five days.

I decided to send you my list of drinks as the Formula One teams.

I don't really drink that many neat spirits or whiskey, so I included everything else I drink.

when I want to get pissed.

All right, leading off, he's got Mercedes.

His Mercedes-Benz team.

For those of you who don't watch F1, they're like the fucking cream of the crop.

Well, you really should have batting

cleanup, but I get this.

You're going to do this more like, you know, how they rank football teams, the best to the worst.

All right.

IPA beers.

Yeah, I'm one of those guys, but I don't piss people off talking about it.

My pole position drink, quite happy to drink these beers all night.

Drink IPAs all night?

Jesus Christ, it's like drinking a Thanksgiving dinner.

Each pint is so fucking,

I fucking hate.

There's so fucking, you know, every once in a while, if I just want to have one beer,

but I know I'm going to drink 30, I'll have an IPA.

Because by the time I'm done with it, I'm just like, Jesus Christ, I've had enough.

Enough with the fucking hops.

Good Lord, it's like overacting.

Quit bugging your eyes out of your fucking head.

I get it.

Beer's supposed to have hops.

Well, as long as you don't drink any of those stupid beers that have those

aggressive for no reason names, you know, angry, fuckface,

kick your mother in the cunt beer, whatever they have, ale, angry ale.

All right, his second batter would be the Ferrari team, Jack Daniels, black label, old number seven, whatever you want to call it.

Been around for these all these years, and

it is as popular as it's always been.

Usually drink it with the Coke, rarely neat.

Oh, Jesus, this guy's not even in AAA here.

here.

Batting third, Red Bull.

Mount Gay with Mount Gay Eclipse rum.

All right, if you're in your 20s, I forgive you for this lineup.

I've been drinking it with ginger beer since these guys were

Jaguar.

Oh, the Red Bull.

Oh, I'm sorry, the Red Bull team.

I'm a fucking idiot.

So I'm sorry.

I thought you were drinking Red Bulls and Mount Gay Eclipse rum.

I was like, what in the fuck?

I'm sorry.

I apologize.

All right, Force India team is

Zabrauka vodka.

Never heard of that.

Usually with apple juice.

Dude, I gotta be honest with you, drink like a woman.

Usually with apple juice and a little umbrella in there.

And I thought it's been around a couple of times.

Do I like fatness?

I'm new to good vodka.

Like a few Brits, I was drinking

paint striper vodka and Red Bull from 17.

All right, the Williams Stella

Artois Larger.

Okay, Williams team is the Stella Artois.

I don't know how to say half this shit.

The old dependable.

I never heard of it.

But doesn't win many races anymore.

Still, nothing beats turning up at a mate's house with a crate of Stella for a day of drinking.

Toroso team would be Sailor Jerry Rum.

This guy's a rum drinker.

When I started drinking rum and moved to the Red Bull team not long after.

Alright, well, at least you didn't mix that with anything.

The Haas, the American, Formula One, Jack Daniels, single barrel, one for the Americans.

There you go.

The only whiskey I really drink neat.

Good man.

There's hope for you.

Renault.

That poor ass team.

Bitter.

The classic

British drink, which is not served warm.

It's served at

cellar temperature.

I don't even know what bitter is.

McLaren, Jaegermeister.

Not as good as it used to be, but I have some great nights drinking this stuff.

How the fuck anybody drinks more than one of those is beyond me.

The sober team?

I don't even know who that is.

Bringing Bringing up the rear, it's cider.

Not even close to a go-to drink, but I'm glad it's there.

I fucking hate cider.

Love the podcast.

Efforts for family and all the specials.

Come back to the UK soon.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

I'll definitely be back there.

Thank you for your booze lineup.

There was actually a couple interesting things in there.

That's a brauka vodka.

I never heard of that.

But you know, I'm going to do yoga and Pilates for the rest of my life.

I'm going to age like Sting.

Granted, he started doing that shit in his 30s.

All right.

Number two.

All right.

Question number two, or whatever the fuck I'm doing this week.

A Rhinestone ball bag, Billy.

Love the podcast and love when you rip into the morons simply for being morons.

Keep it up.

That's why I trash myself so much.

I wanted to throw down a booze lineup, but for hockey.

All right, here we go.

We're going for more booze lineups.

I feel like this is getting old, people.

I'm going to read this last one.

That's going to be it for the booze lineups.

And every once in a while, we'll do it.

We need some more overrated, underrated.

Center,

the Cindy Crossbow position.

Miller, genuine draft.

Ah, I hate that beer.

God bless you.

Somebody's got to drink it.

You pay a little too much for him, but he's your franchise player, so you have no choice.

Left wing is Wiser's black label.

Smooth dangles and sets everyone else up.

Right wing is Santiago.

16-year Cuban run

foreign player.

Other teams are afraid to sign that plays his ass off every night but takes some stupid penalties.

D-man number one, Jack Daniels, safe, gritty, defensive-minded,

and you didn't break the cap hit for him.

D-Man two, cores light, never misses a game, jumps up in the zone, but on the wrong end of the odd man, rushes too often.

Goalie is Crown Royal, hometown boy that gives you 65 starts a season and always gives you a chance.

Bartnick would love that lineup.

I don't know about Miller Genuine Draft, but he'd love that you finished with Crown Royal.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

All right.

Now we're on to some fucking questions here.

All right.

Where the fuck are we?

Bill,

what is this?

This is more fucking football.

I can't do this.

There's too many booze lists here, but it's just going to get boring because it requires me to really read out loud, which I'm not good at.

All right, fingerprinting students.

What in the fuck is happening to this world?

Hey, Billy Bo Baggins, I'll try to keep this short.

I just started college and in the dining halls, they now only use fingerprint scanners to let you in.

Cooking is not allowed in the dorms, so if you want to eat, you have to give them your fingerprints.

I'm not one of those I got chips slash free t-shirt people, but what else can I do?

Your thoughts would be appreciated.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Well, millennials, I think it's time you guys fucking rebel.

You got to rebel against something here

or go to Subway.

Why do they need your fucking fingerprints?

And what are they going to do with them?

Even if they're not going to do anything with them, they're going to hack into your system.

Somebody's going to hack into the system.

That's so fucking nuts.

That is legit.

I honestly have to look up.

Like,

how do people justify taking your fucking fingerprints to give you a fucking slice of pizza?

How do colleges justify

taking students'

fingerprints?

I love how the mainstream fucking pussy ass fucking corporate media never talks about this shit.

They just sell people out.

They're just such, all these fucking idiots screaming about Trump and Hillary, and this is what they're doing to citizens of this fucking country.

It's fucking unbelievable.

Can I refuse to have my child fingerprinted at school?

Background of fingerprinting.

I gotta, Jesus Christ, I almost lied to you guys.

I gotta read up on this like I'm actually gonna do this.

Should schools fingerprint your kids?

Isn't that what is this for?

Let me guess, it's for our own protection.

All they do is make gift bags for people that know how to go on the internet and steal shit.

Here it is.

Here's the fucking social security number with the fingerprints, the home address, all the relatives, all in a nice, neat little fucking bag.

I can't fucking believe that this.

These fucking jerk-offs.

These fucking jerk-offs.

Anybody watches Fox at CNN is a fucking jerk off.

When was the last time they held the feet of the fucking cunts cunts that are doing all of this shit in the fire?

When the fuck have they ever done that?

Have they ever really gone off pharmaceutical companies for starting a heroin epidemic?

Have they ever really gone after Monsanto for fucking with the food supply?

Have they ever really gone after bankers for what the fuck they were allowed to get away with 10 fucking years ago?

Jesus fucking Christ.

You do one off-color fucking joke, they cover that more than these fucking insurance companies are probably gonna fuck everybody over.

Ah, now I'm I'm upset.

You know what I would do, sir?

I would fucking somehow go out of my own pocket and I would fucking eat down the street for fucking cheap.

The best I could.

That's why you can still bring snacks.

You can't cook.

You can still have a fridge, right?

I need a bowl of fucking cereal.

I would eat a fucking bowl of cereal three days, three times a fucking day before I'd give those fucking cunts, your goddamn fingerprints.

First of all, all you're going to do is come out of college.

You're going to be

all these student loans.

What sort of job is he going to be there?

You got to give him your fingerprints too?

Fuck these people.

Fuck them.

You know,

I don't know.

You're not even allowed to fucking protest anymore.

You'd have to go to a certain section.

You'd have to get a fucking permit to protest.

Dude, I guarant fucking T you.

I guarantee you.

The reason why they're taking your fingerprints is an added revenue stream, and they're going, you know, they're gonna fucking sell them to somebody else.

All of those fucking people that take your fucking information, oh, we're not getting it, it's safe and secure.

It isn't safe and secure.

What they've done now is they've made it a lot easier for these people that go in and steal shit.

Rather than having to break into you personally, they just break into a company and they get like a whatever, a couple thousand people.

A whack.

And then what kills me is after these cunts take your information, their system gets hacked into, and can you sue them

for putting your shit up there?

It's fucking unreal.

Anyways, I just recently had, you know, a TV network that I worked for sent me a fucking letter.

Should go in there and go read it and say, you know,

unfortunately, someone broke into our system and

a lot of personal information might have been exposed.

So all they're required to do after, it's like, why did you keep all that information?

We need to go back to paper and file cabinets, people.

I'm telling you, make these fucking pieces of shit, put on little cat burglar outfits, have the flashlight in their mouth as they try to pick the lock to go in.

Sorry, I really just lost my shit there, but I feel I might, you know, even though I didn't have all the information I needed to make a logical argument, I feel like I am right.

I'm sniffing around something there.

All right, alcoholics anonymous.

Hey, Bill, I was in AA for roughly two years.

If you're thinking about attending, I would suggest you visit a library and get the AA big book.

Sometimes they have a copy available.

I would read it.

Okay, now you just asked me to do two things that are really difficult for me.

One, going to a library and two,

finding a book and then actually three, reading it.

What else you want me to do?

Dunk a basketball?

You're really getting outside the realm of what I do here.

Then I would also read the Orange Papers, an online website which attempts to debunk the AA philosophy.

Attend a few meetings and get a feel for it.

But honestly, I don't think you're an alcoholic from listening to your podcast.

I just think you're a piss head.

You can put a cork in the bottle.

I hear you sometimes beating yourself up when you've had three large pores.

Oh, Jesus, relax.

That's not alcoholism.

I love this guy.

Sure, you're probably not a good drinker, but it's all on a spectrum.

And you seem to be doing fine.

When you start drinking cleaning gel mixed with fruit juice because it has alcohol in it, then we can talk.

I've heard it all in AA, and you don't qualify for the club, in my humble opinion.

Take it easy, you bald fuck.

All right, well, thank you for the kind words, sir.

No, but it's also not good for you.

I can tell you it's not.

The level that I was drinking was not good for you.

But I also don't think AA is bad.

If it works for you, then I think it's good.

If it doesn't work for you, I don't think you then have to go out and debunk it.

What kind of a cunt does that?

Like,

Alcoholic Anonymous has helped so many fucking people.

Let me look at the orange papers.

Who the fuck's the asshole?

Everybody just always has to rain on somebody's parade.

Orange papers here.

I just realized somebody might be fucking riding out this hurricane down in Florida listening to this podcast.

If you still have power, if you get a generator, I just said rain, rain on your fucking parade.

Sorry.

What are the orange papers?

Orange papers, I spelled orange wrong.

I put two N's in there.

I don't know why.

I said O-R-N-A-N-G-E.

Orange Papers, AA.

Here we go.

Orange Papers.

Recovering from recovery.

Anti-AA sites such as Orange Papers.

All right.

No, this is just going to be another website that just hijacked the whole fucking thing so I can't get to it.

Where are the original?

Orange papers, original,

original, please, please, can I get the original?

I can't find it.

I cannot fucking find it.

What the fuck?

Come on, man.

All right, I just clicked on this page and I see a pig picture of a monkey.

Leaving AA, staying sober.

All right, here we go.

For the suffering alcoholic and those unhappy in AA.

All right, let's see what they bitch about here.

For the suffering alcoholic and those unhappy in AA, Alcoholics Anonymous has over 2 million participants globally.

That's it.

It is a friendly and welcoming organization with many caring, helpful members.

AA offers companionship, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

If you think you have a drinking problem and haven't tried AA, stop reading this essay and go to a meeting.

However, growing number of options is slowly become...

becoming, I don't want to fucking read all of this shit.

All right, I'll take your word for it, evidently.

Look at Eli stepping up in the pocket.

What's the score here?

16 to 3.

Seven minutes to go.

Did he just throw a pick?

Who knows?

All right.

Wife working out with ex.

Oh, Jesus fucking Christ.

If I saw that at the beginning of a fucking porno, I'd be like, oh, my God, can we come up with a fucking less cliched scenario?

Okay.

Hey there, Billy Red Sack.

Love your podcast.

Love efforts for family.

Can't wait for season three.

I wanted your advice on something.

Here's the story.

I got married about a year ago and me and my lovely wife moved to LA right after the wedding because she had a great job job opportunity.

She had lived in LA a few years ago prior to meeting me, and when she was living here, she had a fling with some douchey private fitness trainer.

Both of them viewed marriage as a stupid concept, and they made a pact that when they'll get married to other people, they'd meet up and fuck.

I don't believe a fucking word of this.

I don't believe a fucking word of this.

This is too stupid.

They made a pact when

they'll get married to other people, they'd meet up and fuck.

I mean, that definitely sounds like an LA conversation in a gym.

I'll continue reading.

So, as soon as she changed her relationship status to married on Facebook, that guy sent her a bunch of messages which were sexual and pretty much

offered to take her up on the agreement and fuck.

She didn't respond, but she did tell me about it.

But I didn't lose my shit and remained calm.

In the last few weeks, she told me she's looking for a way to get in shape, and she said that the douche had offered her private workout sessions in exchange for her help in his business.

She's an accountant.

She said that because private workout sessions are expensive and he's very good at what he does, this is a great opportunity that would save us some money.

She said said she made it clear to him that she's happily married and nothing is going to happen.

And he understood completely.

She asked me if it bothers me and I not wanting to look like the insecure, jealous type.

Oh my God,

you fucking, dude, I'm telling you, these fucking women are in guys' heads.

All of this bullshit that you've seen on fucking TV, all of these fucking women fucking playing the victim all the time, all of this fucking coverage of just what guys do to women has now every fucking guy has his balls in his fucking back pocket.

And it's just like, well, I don't want to be the guy that fucking makes you uncomfortable.

Okay, but she fucking tolerate this from you?

You don't want to look in.

That's not being insecure, sir.

That's common fucking sense.

So he said, honestly, honey, I trust you.

I want what's best for you.

And tried actually to do that.

My question is: Do you think she's trustworthy?

Possible, but that guy isn't.

And that guy's just drawn her in because he wants to fuck her.

She does have a history of cheating on her exes,

but so do I.

We've both been happily married, and our sex life is great, but still, the doubt and insecurity about that issue, this issue exists.

Love to hear your take on this.

Can't wait for the new hour special.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Buddy, buddy, yeah, no.

No.

No fucking way.

No fucking way.

Work some extra hours.

You know?

I would actually be willing to believe that she's going over there thinking she's not going to do anything, but that guy's going to seduce her.

That's what's going to happen.

They already banged.

They're already, you know, physically like, you know,

you know, the boundaries are not going to be there.

And I'm telling you that that's not a good situation and you're not in you're not insecure at all

you know

and so what if you are

that's a legitimate

that's a legitimate feeling that whole fucking thing that's like those stupid fucking t-shirts I saw this some woman was wearing this fucking t-shirt I told you about that when I was back in the summertime it said something like

A real man is excited by a strong woman.

A boy is like, whatever, intimidated or something like that.

It's just some musical, oh, I want to be, I want to be considered a strong man.

I want a cookie.

I was reading that Rolling Stone

where they had the actress that was

played Wonder Woman.

And I was all excited to read the article.

And the first quote that they had, they said, are you a feminist?

She goes, yes, I'm a feminist.

Everyone should be a feminist because if you're not a feminist, then you're a sexist, right?

And I like bursted out laughing, thinking, like, well, it all depends on what your definition is.

That's what's funny about these Hollywood people out here.

I swear to God, they sound just like the Fox News Wright people.

They're the exact same, you know,

is zero tolerance.

You think the way I do?

If you do not, then you are this.

Like, there's no clear-cut definition of feminism any more than there is of like what makes, like, you know, that's real rock music.

And then somebody's always like, that's not rock.

This is rock.

That's bullshit.

It's the same thing with like feminine.

Like if everyone was a feminist the way my wife is,

which,

you know, in all fairness, this actress that played Wonder Woman could be.

I don't fucking know, but just to say, like, that is just such a, I mean, granted, it's a fucking interview.

They're trying to get people fucking worked up to read the fucking thing.

Maybe it was taken out of context.

Maybe she said other shit, but just the way that's presented, you know, Rolling Stone is just fucking insufferable, though.

It's just fucking insufferable.

The way they handled Obama with like kid gloves, and if you're a fucking Republican, they stick your head in the fire.

Now, I'm not saying they shouldn't stick these Republicans' head in the fire.

I mean,

they're the fucking, you know,

they're bought and paid for at that level, right?

Am I nuts?

And I also thought Obama was too, judging by the $69 million worth of tour dates he has coming up, giving speeches to all these fucking rich people.

Guy just bought a $10 million fucking house.

It's fucking unreal.

And they don't say shit.

All they do is show him playing high-line, fucking going kayaking and parasailing.

Like, isn't he cool?

I can't believe how cool he is.

Anyways, by the way, Rolling Stone, is Trump the worst president ever?

I haven't noticed you.

It's not like you haven't fucking written it.

It's just like, I don't even read the fucking article.

It's like, I understood your point of view, the first 90 articles.

There's so much other shit you could be writing about.

You know what I mean?

Good fucking Lord.

Like, why can't you make fun of like extreme liberals every once in a while?

Throw me a fucking curveball.

Something.

Ah, Jesus Christ, I fucking need to go buy some fucking tampons here.

Sorry, you know what happened?

You know what?

The funny stopped was the fingerprinting of these fucking poor kids.

These poor kids are going to college.

They're getting all in fucking debt.

All right?

And these colleges are acting like they've adapted to how quickly the real world is changing.

And I don't think they are.

And that's why these kids are coming out.

It's like they're coming out with degrees and like fucking, I don't know what, fucking

churning butter, essentially.

And then they can't find a fucking job.

You know?

I don't know.

I remember like always reading up about all these fucking amazing musicians.

They would go to Berkeley and they would never come, like the guys that went out and seemed the guys that went out and did shit.

They never finished.

Like they were like, this whole being here, I got what I needed.

Now I got to get the fuck out of here.

And

I'm not saying drop out of college, but I really feel like

if that voice is screaming in your head and you fucking have some good ideas, why take on the last year of debt?

The last, you know why?

Because your parents want you to.

I don't know.

What?

Because Bill Gates dropped out if you drop out.

I'm just saying.

You know,

what the fuck I ended up doing?

I didn't need to go to college.

I had all those fucking, all that student loan, all that debt.

And I left and I immediately went down to a comedy club and started doing shit jokes.

Anyways, we got to end on something positive here.

Please go to that Stephen Adler Ronnie James thing.

I'm going to post that.

The bowl for Ronnie.

Ronnie James.

What a fucking voice.

And what a great guy, too, man.

I never met the guy, but like all his interviews, he couldn't have been more down-to-earth.

Once again, it's going to be at PINS, P-I-N-Z Bowling Center, 12655 Ventura Boulevard.

It's going to be a bunch of rock stars there, a bunch of comedians, all bowling, raising money.

For

I don't even know what the, what is the cause here?

I know Ronnie died of cancer, so I imagine it's that, right?

Oh, Ronnie, Ronnie James Dio, stand up and shout

cancer fun.

There you go.

Stand up and shout, right?

So there's something positive for you.

And I believe it's October 6th.

All right, I will be tweeting that out, and I am trying to get back onto Instagram.

I haven't posted on Instagram in forever.

I think I have to create an entirely new account because I keep saying I forgot my password.

Please email it to me.

And they haven't been able, or I haven't been able, I can't find the fucking thing.

So that's it.

That's the podcast for this week.

Congratulations to everybody who won week one.

Congratulations to all football fans.

That is football season.

My favorite fucking thing happened this weekend, by the way, when I was in the Alabama theater.

There was this fucking guy in the front row, and he had his middle-aged dude.

He had his cell phone on.

This middle-aged guy.

And I'm like, dude, are you recording the show?

Are you recording the show?

And he kind of was like, no, he goes.

He goes, I'm looking at the scores because it was Saturday night.

He wanted to see how the other SEC teams were doing.

And I go, well, what are you watching?

He He was watching the Georgia game.

I go, what, you're in Alabama.

What the fuck do you give a shit about Georgia for?

He goes, they're in the SEC.

I go, they're not going to catch you.

They got that decent quarterback, though.

I don't know.

And the crowd kind of dies down.

And this guy in the back goes, he says to the guy with the phone, he just goes, excuse me, sir, sir?

He goes, what do you say?

Oh, fuck.

I'm going to butcher the joke.

Auburn Clemson, whoever the fuck Auburn was playing.

It was like I wasn't even there anymore.

He just asked for a score.

Oh, God, what a fucking great setup.

It would have been such a killer story if I could have fucking remembered.

Auburn score.

What do we got here?

That's right, they played Clemson.

Yeah, he goes, excuse me, sir.

Auburn Clemson.

That's all he had to say.

The guy's just right on his phone, looking to give him the fucking score.

I don't know.

It's a great fucking place.

Don't sleep on the South, all right?

If you really think about it, your state's just as racist, okay?

That's it.

Go fuck yourselves.

I don't know what else to tell you.

I'll check in on you on Thursday.

I hope,

you know, I hope there's as little damage in Florida as humanly possible, and that's all you can fucking hope for.

And,

you know, all you guys making fun of people driving electric cars, I don't know now, you know, what the fuck.

I drive gas combustion cars, so I'm not fucking looking down on you, but you know, I don't know what the battery does in the end when you drive the Tesla into the fucking ocean.

Can you recycle the battery?

I have no idea, but I'll tell you what that guy's doing over there at that Tesla company.

I like it.

I like it.

I just wish the car could look a little more meaner.

Looks great from the back, looks great from the side, the front.

I don't know what it is.

Just can't quite get into it.

But I know it's a fucking amazing car, but the SUV's fucking cool, huh?

The Lamborghini doors opening up.

Plus, it's also a great way to win the war in the Middle East.

You know?

Drive an electric car, you ride a bicycle, anything you do to use less fucking fossil fuels fucks those people over over there, and they don't have money to funnel through the mosque to give to the terrorists.

And there you go.

And then all of a sudden, old Jimmy Crack Corn's out of fireworks, right?

Oh, I just solved the Middle Eastern problem.

Or the Middle East problem, not Middle Eastern.

I don't have problems with Middle Eastern people.

And this is why I don't hold office.

All right, go fuck yourselves, people.

I'll talk to you on Thursday.

What's up, everybody?

And welcome back to the Anything a Better podcast.

Really, the best sports, best NFL podcast out there with me, Paul Berzi, Bill Burr.

We got Jake the Snake with the injury report, as always, coming in clearer than ever, ladies.

So you're going to like that.

And of course, Andrew Themlis out there,

the Beverly Hills kid.

Guys, what can I say for two weeks in a row, Bill?

I mean, two years in a row.

Two years in a row, week one, 0-4.

I mean, guys, just don't listen to me till week two or three.

I mean, it is bad.

No, no, mid-October, Paul.

Mid-October.

Mid-October, you start turning it around.

Jeez.

Well, I'm all, I'm old, Billy, win some, lose some.

I went 0-3-1.

I thought I was going to go 0-4 watching that Bills Ravens game.

Oh, dude, what a game you got at the last second.

You got that.

That was great.

Yeah,

I mean, I got to be honest, Paul, I fucking hate games like that.

Those are the games for the youth.

42 to 41.

Like, there's no fucking,

like the second half, they go, this is the first time the Bills haven't scored.

Or, like, that Kansas City game, the Kansas City game Thursday night against the Chargers, it was like, we've had seven possessions and seven scores.

It's like, yeah, there's no defense.

Dude, how good is Lamar Jackson, dude?

Yeah,

he's amazing.

Dude, how about Travis?

What's his face?

Henry.

What is that right name?

Derek Henry.

Travis Paul.

I got two kids under 10.

I'm hanging in there, but my fucking fingernails.

No, I said

I mess up

his last name.

I got one-handed catch by that other guy, fucking wide receiver.

Nothing to do with doing this.

The other guy.

Dude, by the way, could he have done this any fucking longer?

And then they still lose the game.

I just, I don't understand.

Game isn't over.

Game is not over, dude.

I saw up until the fourth quarter.

Last time I saw it, it was like 40 to 25.

And then I went on stage.

So I still have to watch the fourth quarter where I heard

Derrick Henry fumbled

and then they just came back.

I mean, listen, I love the Bills.

I mean, I look like half of them at this point.

You know?

The bills.

They're literally.

Hello.

Did I get kicked off?

No, you're there.

Am I still here?

Okay.

All right.

You just froze for a second.

Well, no aluminum siding.

Make your fucking house the showcase of your neighborhood.

Dude, speaking of that, I got them here now.

They're all renovating my house.

I don't have my own house right now.

They're putting new bathrooms in.

I got a guy over here, Stacey.

Dude, I just wake up to people people drilling in my house.

That's why I'm outside.

Got to get an office.

It's yeah, it's you know,

they don't care.

They don't care.

You think she cares?

What?

They're not gonna

something's going on with that feet here, dude.

You keep freezing on me.

I do,

yeah, well, maybe I am.

I don't know.

No, I'm not trying to accuse you of anything.

No, I feel like I feel like everything was going good, but dude, can I tell you something?

My, my.

Paul, you can tell me anything you want.

My wife does not care that we have workers coming in and like, I need to know the schedule.

She's just like, this is what it is.

And I'm just like, all right, well, fuck me.

I'll go fuck myself then.

Okay.

Just tell me.

In defense of your wife, Paul.

Are you really going to make that schedule?

No.

She knows.

She knows she has to just pick up the ball and run it over the goal line.

They know.

I do the same thing with my wife.

Am I going to be

included?

And then when she goes to sit down to tell me the schedule, can I talk to you for a second?

I'm like,

try to watch the game, you know?

And then, and then like a day later, I'm like, well, what are all these guys doing in here?

It's like,

I will give that.

I create all my own problems in the relationship when it comes to that.

And women, women are planners' fault.

They got a whole fucking game plan.

Women are like Bill Walsh.

They got all their plays called for the first half.

Yeah.

As you and I come walking out on the field, it's kind of sunny out, huh?

Maybe I just go throw the ball.

Dude, speaking of

going back to football, did you see JJ McCarthy?

Shout out to J.J.

McCarthy, the new quarterback for the Minnesota Vikings.

He did what you said was the kiss of death as a rookie in his first NFL game ever.

Throws a pick six to the division rival Bears.

It's looking bad.

And then, dude, the kid got it together and came back and won the game, which is a really good sign for a young quarterback.

So the Vikings are going to have a game.

Yeah,

when I was a kid, if you threw a pick six, you had like an 80% chance of losing a game.

Not anymore.

Game is never over.

No,

it's become baseball.

Yes.

Until you get that final out.

It's like, and it's purely for entertainment purposes.

And if you love offense,

they have a league for you.

I miss it, Paul.

I miss the hitting.

I miss the dominating defenses.

And I just,

you know, I just,

I don't, you know.

All right, ready?

It's mad.

It's mad.

I don't want to like shit all over the league.

All right.

I do this every fucking year.

Let's just

build top three defenses you've ever seen in your lifetime.

Top three in your lifetime.

Ooh,

obviously the 85 Bears, the fucking doomsday defense, the steel curtain.

I saw some good ones.

I would say, dude, your fucking defense 2007 when you beat the Patriots, that front four dude that you had

that were just, you know, making Brady move all day.

I mean, all of this fucking bullshit, too, about Eli beat Tom Brady, Did he?

Eli did.

Fucking helmet catch.

Come on.

Yeah.

He made a couple of good throws in there, but come on, dude.

Your fucking defense.

Your fucking defensive line.

At least in 2007, dude, that fucking front four, you basically had like supersized linebackers.

Yeah.

I felt like, look, I would never call anybody Reggie White other than Reggie White, but it was like you had Reggie White's four illegitimate children.

Yeah, rest.

I mean, they were all like super strong with like linebacker speed.

That was a great defense.

I would say those patriots, the first three Super Bowls, the Patriots won, where when we would win games like 19 to 17, 17 to 10, Teddy Bruski, Vrable, all of those guys.

Willie McGinnis, right?

Willie McGinnis, Tyla, Lawyer Malloy, all of those, those guys are great.

Those Raider defense, that Raider defense that destroyed the

fucking Redskins,

who were their safeties were Mike Haynes and

Jesus, dude.

You're just going way back.

I would say those 49er defenses that the ones that...

What about the years when Deion was going back and forth from the Cowboys to the 49ers?

I mean, nobody was beating those defenses, dude.

Oh, dude, they were incredible.

Jake the Snake just came in and said the 2000 Ravens only allowed nine points per game.

Oh,

Ed Reed, Ray Lewis.

Oh, my apologies.

Jake Dennis.

Yeah, dude.

But if you notice, Paul, it's all 2007 and before.

Seattle had a good one there for a minute.

You know,

they had a good one.

They had a good defense there.

I mean,

listen, there was a a lot of people doing Reuts, whatever.

Seattle had a good,

that was a good defense, too.

I don't know.

You know, I don't know.

The 49ers had a good defense against the fucking Chiefs.

They were just getting there.

This isn't a hold on the final drive.

So I don't know.

Yeah.

And dude, John L.

John L.

What's his name?

Lawrence Taylor, I believe 86.

I believe the 86 Giants with Lawrence Taylor and Carl Banks had a really good one, too.

I would say those guys were pretty good.

Harry Carson.

Do you know what, Paul?

I bet today's defenses are just as good as the other.

It's just, there's so many rule changes.

They've gotten better, I feel like, with past interference, which I'm really happy for

that

they let some, you know, some of that stuff go.

They're much, I feel like they've gotten a lot better with that.

I still,

you know.

Two things in sports, I'll never know is if, is that a Bach or is that a football move?

I mean you catch the ball you turn and you get hit they're like did he move his other foot I don't know he caught the ball if my son did that I would be applauding

it's not you don't catch you have to catch the ball and do three other things after you catch it to make it a catch you got to catch the ball run five yards and stiff arm

and then they'll review it.

Yeah, so I don't I don't know I don't know what it is, but I would actually, you know, i think that eagles defense last year was great but i i feel like the rule changes

um

they they don't allow a defense now to be as dominant

i mean they used to you know you know dude when we were coming up you know i mean up until like the 2000s maybe up until i'd say that seattle defense where it was just really like

Like we're not going to score more than 12 points, 14.

They just shut you down.

They haven't let up a touchdown in the the first half remember those kinds of defenses all year like i i just i mean like i said i'm also a curmudging i'm sure like some young kids right now is saying i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about and i i probably don't but well dude the the ravens giving up nine points per game in the 2000 they beat the giants that year in the super bowl but the ravens giving up nine points per game in 2000 is pretty as dominant as could be i mean that's unheard of that's unheard of yeah

yeah ray lewis dude that was definitely I mean, they had two of the best guys ever at a position on two out of their three levels.

And then they had that lunatic, the guy who painted all his stuff on his face.

So they had like, they had three major fucking.

There was no, where are you going to go in that whole defensive zone where you're not going to run into a future fucking Hall of Famer that's one of the best to ever play the position?

That's a great call of the Ravens.

Dude, when we were in Vegas for the Super Bowl and we were in that cigar lounge and i saw ed reed sitting over a table from us smoking a cigar i was literally like dude that's arguably one of the greatest safeties to ever live it was nuts yeah no that's that's happened to me a couple times one time i was uh

i was in a cigar bar and james likes out tony

oh yeah

you know

And he was the Philly Shell, right?

What do they call it?

The shell?

He's do that shit.

Dude, all they do is amazing.

They lean back like this, and your punch goes off of their shoulder, off their shoulder, and misses your head.

But my shit is like, doesn't your shoulder hurt after a while?

That's still a professional boxer slugging in his shoulder repeatedly.

Anyone who had an older brother, when you watch the Philly Shell, you're kind of like, I did see here of a boxer, the way he beat it was he just beat the shit out of the guy's arms, turned them into like fucking noodles.

Just a great strategy, dude.

It's a great strategy.

That's one of my favorite things

in

sports is those boxers that you can't hit.

It's just, it is mind-boggling that you can be that fast that a professional boxer like standing right here in front of you, just going off.

You're doing

all of this stuff.

It's just like, how?

Yeah, they said like when Floyd Mayweather would do that shoulder thing, somebody had the greatest comparison.

They go, it was like Mariano's cutter.

You knew that that's what they were going to do, but you just couldn't.

For some reason, it worked.

It just worked.

Dude, you see that UFC guy, by the way?

That UFC guy, the guy kicked his leg.

They're sitting there like this, and the guy kicks his leg and it was like a slap and it just gets red and welted and he starts limping.

And then he switches up and the guy did the same thing to his other leg.

And he's literally like hobbling and then just went down and he tried getting up and the guy goes done he couldn't he he didn't touch him up here he just basically broke down from

that's the only thing that makes sense to me in the ufc

dude if you kicked me like the fact that they can have a professional fighter kick him right in this like the charlie horse yeah yeah and they just take it like dude i would be like having that six months

How are you doing?

I'm just getting back on my seat.

I'm just, and they'll take like fucking 15 of those per round.

Yeah, i don't like

those guys those ufc fighters boxers professional athletes the level of pain oh dude alex

take yeah alec the heavyweight guy alex pereira the guy who had he was joking around in the gym with this with the ufs the woman in the ufc that does the the announcing so she got in gear and she's like come on just she goes just give me like a little kick to the calf and he's like no no i don't and she goes no like light no no she goes like and dude he did it and she just goes out

like he didn't i mean he barely grazed her like it was like he didn't even touch her and she was just like oh okay still feeling it okay yeah she's still wearing her flats she can't go back to the pumps yet

uh all right guys you're gonna watch canela uh canela alvarez uh this weekend i watched i'm really i gotta be honest can i be honest i'm rooting for crawford man i'm rooting for i'm rooting for crawford i watched the countdown to it that guy's upbringing you know and i love don't get me wrong canelo earned it but you know Canelo's on a quad in his house and he's like, got the glasses and he's just, and this guy is like, I got to get my due.

I feel, you know, but I am going to watch it.

I got a show, but I'm going to watch it after.

All right, before we bring in, all right,

we've avoided talking about what we got destroyed on last week for long.

Yeah, dude, I, and, and just,

all right, I'm just going to, I'm going to confess my sins.

I was like, Kansas City.

Didn't win that one.

I tied with the Bills and the Ravens.

I was like, you know, I'm thinking the Dolphins.

They're going to come out against the Colts.

Wrong about that.

And I think I blocked out the last one.

So

I don't know.

Well, Jake the Snake, let's let Jake the Snake come in and give us any kind of injuries before we make our picks.

Jake, do you got what you got any got any juice for us, Jakey?

Hey, how are you doing?

Mostly just the 49ers.

George Kittle is going to be out for a long time.

They put him on the IR and Brock Brady is going to be out as well.

So Saints, you know, are a really bad team.

But Mac Jones Jones will be starting for the Niners is kind of like the biggest.

Hey, and by the way, I don't mean to cut you off, Jake, but for all our listeners, we talked about it.

You guys design it.

We want an official, Bill, me and Themlus were talking about this.

I don't think we told you, but I know you're down.

We want somebody to design a Jake the Snake t-shirt.

We want Jake's face on it.

We want Jake's face on it.

It's got to say, Jake the Snake, if we have fans to design it, we will get it made, but we have to get a Jake the Snake anything better t-shirt.

We have to do it.

I'll just say the fact that Jake the Snake is not up in one of those NFL booths with

the headsets on, talking to somebody down the field.

I mean, that's why we had to lock, we had to give him the franchise tag to keep him on the podcast.

The man knows the game.

He's got a TV outside.

He's been watching game film all week.

He's got, he's got some color on his face.

I'm telling you.

Jake the Snake is.

Look, he saw we put our money where our mouth is, and that this franchise believes in him.

And now he's bringing it.

He's fucking bringing it.

What I love is that he got the haircut and the tan, and he goes, we're starting the season right.

And he got three wins, and he starts three and one.

Three and one, yeah.

Well, you guys got screwed on that Denver game.

I mean, my God.

For those that don't know,

with a pretty face, he's the brains.

All right.

So, Jake, all we got got to worry about, Brock Purdy out, but they're playing the Saints.

So that's it, right?

Yeah, pretty much.

Everyone seems to be relatively healthy right now.

At least those are like the major injuries, you know, for like the stars.

But yeah, that's something to think about for sure.

There was something I wanted to ask you guys about the Bills game, actually.

I don't know if you saw this, but the Bills cut the lead to, or they cut the lead to seven.

And then they kicked.

So they had made the extra point,

but there was a penalty.

So it moved them up to the one-yard line so they decided to go for two and didn't get it and this is the middle of the third quarter so they were just chasing those points the entire game they went for two two more times didn't get it they were down two

um what should have been the tie so i don't know what do you guys think of that philosophy to go for two

i saw a lot of i saw a lot of teams this week go for two and not get it for a lot of times like i saw a lot of missed two point conversion you know me dude i i'm i say take the point

until you mathematically have to go for two in my opinion i think you got to kick the extra point that's just i've always felt that way My opinion is it takes you three to four downs to catch it, to

get a touchdown, to score a touchdown.

You go for a two-point conversion, you have to score another touchdown.

You have one try at it.

For some reason, because it's only two points, people, they get this in their head like it's this foregone conclusion.

And I don't know.

I get going for a two-point conversion later in the game.

The shit doing it in the first half.

I think you just get as many easy points as you can.

I like the direction there.

Look at it.

As many easy points as you can.

And then in the end, if you're in a situation looking at the clock, how many more possessions you're going to get, then you do it.

But like this whole fucking World Series of poker, he's going all in.

Here comes the river seven minutes into the game is stupid.

And I'll tell you one of the times they went for two, they were down nine.

So they went for two, down nine.

They didn't get it.

So you're down two scores instead of one.

I just couldn't believe it.

No,

it bills 100%

there, then you could be down by eight and then touchdown, and maybe then you go for two.

Yeah, they got lucky.

There's why dig a hole, why dig a hole now?

Good point, Paul.

Why dig a hole ever?

Why dig a hole ever?

I mean, life is hard enough as it is.

I mean, what are we digging holes for?

Put the shovel away.

That's what I say.

What do you think?

It's the first fucking hole I dug.

All right, guys, before we do our before we do our picks, we got to shout out our sponsor, guys.

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So there you go, guys.

Uh, it is my

bill went,

Bill went first last week because he goes first on even years.

So it was my pick.

Even weeks.

It is my, yeah, even weeks.

You know what I mean?

And it is my pick.

And guys, I'm 0-4.

What do you want from me?

You know, I got to get back on the horse.

Here we go.

All right, for my first pick.

And I'll be honest.

I got to get out from under the horse.

All right.

Yeah, but dude, I actually, and I don't mean this selfishly, in a weird way, I was, if you went 0-4 and I went 0-4, it made history for the show because we've never done that before.

And then when you caught the half a game at the end, I was like, all right, you know what?

At least, at least we didn't go 0-8.

All right, guys, my first pick.

You know, I was going to actually, because I want to get off the schneide, is that the right word?

I wanted to get a win early.

So I was going to go Packers Commanders tonight.

I just don't know, dude.

is that is a game where both teams to me are very similar.

Um, so I'm going to lay off that game.

Here's what I'm going to do:

I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengal.

I don't love the half a point, but I think that they clicked on a little bit at the end.

They ended up beating, they ended up beating

Cleveland.

I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengal.

Why are they the Bengals?

The Bengals was an all-group girl group in the 80s.

You always say, I'm going to take the Bengals.

Walk by and eat you in.

Another manic Monday.

I can't wait till Sunday.

Paul's taking the Bengals.

I love the Bengals.

Minus.

I'm going to take the Spice Girls.

I got the Spice Girls, minus eight.

All right.

I'll take, yeah, I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals

minus three and a half at home against the Jacksonville Jaguars.

All right, Paul.

There's a game that I love, but it's your Giants, so I'm not going to.

Giants plus five and a half.

Bill, I'm not touching it.

I'm not touching it, so you can.

I'm not touching it.

Let me think about that, but there's so many other games I could pick wrong before I go to pick that one.

All right.

You know, it's a weird game that Chargers-Raiders game.

Both coming off wins.

Both always fuck their fans.

I'm going to stay away from it.

I just, you know, one of them is going to be 2-0, Paul.

When's the last time the Chargers or the Raiders were fucking 2-0?

That's crazy.

All right.

Here we go.

Here we go.

I

fuck.

We'll leave you in one of these games.

I can't.

I'm going to take the Dolphins.

I'm betting against my team.

Minus one and a half because no matter what, I'm going to be happy.

Either we get a fucking win.

I just, I don't know.

I watched this last week.

I think we're going to hopefully go 500.

It already seems like under Mike Vrabel, we're in a better direction or whatever.

Dolphins are coming off a loss.

We're playing down in Miami.

I mean, those fucking guys beat us once a year when we had Tom Brady.

So I just figure they're going to get us again.

It's only a point and a half paul i i'm be honest with you dude i'm i'm i'm i'm swinging in the dark here i'm going dolphins minus one and a half what's that coach's name mike what

oh um

oh my god mike boriatti no

mike mcdaniel mike mcdaniel i think mike mcdaniel's uh

i think he's gonna he's gonna

i don't know he's been with that team long grabbles still getting we're still getting used to him so

all right dude i'm scared i'm scared dude I don't want to.

I'm going to take the Detroit Lions at home minus six against the Bears.

Detroit's coming off a really bad loss.

And I think

they got to pull it out, man.

They got to win a game at home.

And I think if they're still the Detroit Lions, they should win that game.

The Bears aren't showing.

didn't show great.

You know, they let the Vikings come back on them.

I'm going to take Detroit by less than a touchdown or a touchdown, if you want to call it that.

All all right.

Uh, I like that.

I'm gonna take uh,

it's just too many goddamn points.

I'm just gonna take the Browns because they're getting almost 12 points, and this is the NFL, and they're in the same division, and they scored 40 points against the Bills.

So, everybody's gonna be like, Oh my god, they're gonna trounce the Browns, and for some stupid reason, the Browns are gonna cover.

That's the only reason why I'm doing it, Paul.

That's a great pick.

Um, that's a lot of points, dude.

All right,

all right, One of the most lopsided victories in history.

Boy, the Ravens really figured something out.

45 to 20.

I think they were really upset with themselves last week.

And they came out and they wanted to make a statement.

Nothing is worse than when a game is over.

Bill Burr has his head between his knees crying.

Isn't it the worst when it's over?

Dude, I remember.

No, you know what the worst is?

Is betting on the Kansas City Chiefs and they lose.

And I got to watch their tippy-toe dinky-dunking

down the fucking field and they still don't win.

That's the worst.

I might take them, but dude, I remember two years ago, Ari Shafir goes, Hey, you want to come with me and Renazizi to a Giants opener against the Cowboys?

I'm like, Yeah,

yes.

And like Renazizi, I was like, dude, I'm going to get a grill.

I go to Dick's Sporting Goods.

I get a grill.

Renazizi's like, I'm bringing a tent.

We just got, everyone had a list.

We get there five hours.

We had the greatest time in the parking lot for five hours, dude.

It was 31 to nothing, Cowboys, by the second quarter.

It ended up being 41 to nothing.

It was over.

Oh my god, dude, it was like when we went to TCU, Georgia.

It was, or was it TCU?

It was just.

No, it couldn't have been like that.

It could have been like that because we were also getting rained on

in a fucking stadium that sort of has a roof, but not on the sides.

And we were actually drizzling, it was raining sideways, yeah.

Uh, and our entire like our backside was soaked.

You know what it is, it's one of those things where it happens so quick, you're delusional.

You're like, All right, this first quarter, dude.

First quarter, you get two touchdowns right back, right back.

That's what we were doing at the time.

Scoring all their points early, Paul.

You're gonna come back, dude.

The defense figured something out.

You know, when a good, a good stop.

Now they figured it out.

They figured it out.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Here we go.

Bring it out.

Fuck.

I'm going to take.

I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers and Aaron Rodgers' first game in Pittsburgh against the Seahawks to win by a field goal.

They're feeling good after the Jets game and they're home.

I think the crowd's going to be into seeing Aaron Rodgers.

Seahawks got Sam Darnold.

I'll take the better quarterback and the better coach.

I'm taking Seattle.

I mean, Pittsburgh against Seattle minus three.

All right.

I'm going to take the Commanders tonight, getting three points against the Packers.

Just because I like this game, and I also like the Commanders, man.

I like the direction that they're going in.

They're a fun team, and I'm really happy for Washington Commander fans.

They've been suffering a long time.

I don't think,

you know,

I don't know.

I know the Packers are stacked,

but

they're in Lambea.

Once again, it doesn't make any sense.

You figure the Packers will easily cover it.

And

I'm going to go with the Commanders both.

I don't even have a logical reason.

I just want to watch the game tonight.

I'm giving myself a reason to watch.

By the way, dude.

Oh, fuck.

Is this going to be one of those Amazon ones?

And I got to fucking go through 52 portholes to turn them.

I was a kid.

You just turned on the game and they didn't play Thursday.

No, the Commanders are really good, dude.

By the way, our show, let's be fair, Bill.

Let's be fair here on anything better.

Our show has pointed out some favoritism towards the Chiefs.

I got to be honest with you, every minute of football I watched last week, I didn't see a ticky-tack bullshit call.

I thought the game against the Ravens and Bills, they let them play,

only calling blatant stuff.

So, so far, it's only one week.

So far, it's only a week.

You can thank all those people on the internet that were calling them out for it.

Yeah.

I think that's what happened in the Super Bowl.

They got Taylor Swift there.

They got all the eyeballs.

They called off the dogs.

They let them play.

I've said it a million times in this thing.

Hey, you said it once and you'll say it.

But this is the, but this is, you got to be careful, though, with the Chiefs, Paul.

Okay?

Because you got to understand, like, you know, they're still the pretty girl at the prom as far as the AFC, as far as money.

All right.

I don't think that the NFL is a brand believes in Lamar Jackson or Josh Allen yet.

They're bridesmaids.

All right.

I just don't think they, you know, it's a lot with Travis Kelsey and

Taylor Dane or whatever the fuck, right?

There's just a lot going on there.

There's a lot of eyeballs.

It's a lot of money, Paul.

That's a lot of money.

You know, it's a lot of money.

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll be honest with you.

When I looked at this list, the first game that stuck out at me, oh, it came me to Willie's, was the Chiefs getting one at home against the Eagles.

And then, scared Paul, Owen 4 Paul said, Don't do that.

Play it safe.

But you want to know what?

I'm the one who takes the book.

I'm the one who's taking the book.

Okay.

Good.

I don't like Owen 4 Paul.

I like this Paul.

Owen 4 Paul's scared, throwing check downs.

Owen 4 Paul stays in his house.

Owen 4 Paul take it off, Paul.

Sits in his backyard so his neighbors hears his fucking picks.

Yeah.

Owen Four Paul gets a deep call and goes, nah, coach, why do that?

Just, let's just dunk it down.

Let's get some yards.

But 4-0, Paul goes, we're going deep.

Owen 4-Paul says, I have to get up early tomorrow.

I shouldn't drink this.

Oh, that's great.

But the Paul, I know.

I'm fine.

I'll be fine.

look if the chiefs go 0-2 here's the thing the chiefs might be going down bill the the the era might be ending and if the era is ending they're going to lose this game to the team that humiliated them in the super bowl at home in week two i'm going to do it you you don't like it do you

just gave me i i just paul it's a business if the chiefs era is over what have they got

You saw them trying to sell Josh Allen last night.

I'm literally looking at on the Ravens game.

They're showing me Josh Allen's wedding photos.

It's like, what the fuck do I give a shit about his wedding for?

They really did show me.

What am I doing?

Dude, they're trying.

That to me was the nod.

They're testing, going like, okay, have we ridden this horse too far?

It's a business, Paul.

We're in sports gambling now.

They are a gambling sports book, sports league.

You think if...

Okay, Bill, if Pat Mahomes is a horse, are they taking him in the backyard with the rifle?

I would have to to see the analytics on how football fans reacted to Josh Allen's wedding photos during the Bills Ravens game

to see

if they are ready to walk away from Travis Kelsey and

fucking Madonna

Lady Gaga I just picture a fat bearded football fan i just i just picture a fat bearded football fan holding a beer going it's a beautiful picture though let's be honest it's a nice wedding it's a nice outfit.

You know, I was going to root against the Bills tonight, but when I see,

when I know the quarterback of the other team has truly found love, you know, it's really hard for me.

You know, Paul, some things are bigger than the game.

You know,

you can only guess what their first song was, you know.

All right.

Hey, if you're a single quarterback, will they show you with two strippers giving you a fucking lap dance?

Will they show that fucking picture?

You just see Lamar Jackson.

They said they shut down all the Hooters, but he found one more.

Independently owned in Akron, Ohio.

Oh.

All right.

Hold on.

Let me just see if Shout out to Josh Allen getting married.

I mean, just as a football fan, I'm so glad that they shared that with me.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.

All right, Paul, what do you got?

You're going to bet on a K-pop band here?

Are we going to say a football team this time?

I'm going to do the Chiefs getting one at home.

If they go 0-2, they're in big trouble, I think.

Yeah, I like that pick just for the, you know, I'm Billy Conspiracy.

I'm Billy Conspiracy.

Is that my third?

Yeah.

I keep going back to that Chargers Raiders game.

And I just go back to who's the better quarterback.

You know,

I don't like that half a point, Paul.

I hate the half a point.

It'll get you everywhere.

I don't like my hairline.

You know, there's a lot of things I don't like this one.

Steelers at home, minus three.

I don't like that one.

Paul, I'm just swinging in the dark here.

I'm just, you know, I'm just betting on games I want to watch.

The Bills and the Jets.

Oh, six and six and a half points.

The Jets

last week,

huh?

At the beginning, you said you liked the Giants game.

I didn't touch it.

My four picks are in.

Paul, I'm an AFC guy.

I don't know what to tell you.

You are.

You are.

AFC guy.

I'm going to go.

J-E-T-S, Jet, Jets, Jets getting six and a half at home.

Division rivalry, everything tells me to take those points.

Six and a half at home.

Bill's coming back from a wild one.

I'm going to take the Jets.

Oh, I like it.

This is how much confidence I have in that.

That's what makes this show so fun.

When you take the Jets and the points.

That's the meme.

That's great.

Oh, somebody's got to make that meme.

Um,

by the way,

I feel like I'm going to watch a fun game.

I love the Bills, they're just a fun team to watch.

I love watching the Ravens, I like watching the Eagles, those are all fun.

You know, it's a lot of fun teams out there, dude.

How are me and you friends?

Me and you are opposite in every

AFC, I'm NFC, you're Boston, I'm New York, you're light skinned, I'm a little darker.

The overlap is we're both degenerates,

yeah, Paul.

We don't read, We put way too much importance on sports.

Like, we talk about sports the way people talk about politics.

No, we've had discussions on sports that you would think was like we were solving the world's problems.

No, if you like graph the audio and you had to guess,

is this two people talking about the Gaza Strip?

Or are these two guys talking about the tuck rules?

We've had discussions about quarterbacks on the phone like they talking like they're in a war room in the pentagon one of the loudest i yelled in a decade was we were talking about middleweight boxing champions in the 1980s oh god

yep i remember are you gonna watch canelo uh crawford this saturday night uh yeah

Two of the last Mohegans, dude.

Those are two of the last great boxers.

And then boxing.

Then it's rough for boxing.

After that, boxing might be.

What about the lockstock and four smoking barrels that

guy

tyson what's his face isn't he he's good for the sport right well dude he's i mean are you talking about tyson fury yeah i know he lost but is he no but i think he's i think he's old though dude like i don't think there's like a like canelo and this guy were the last guys that like nobody could beat and good i don't know i mean i'm sure there's some young guns coming up but like you know and they hired your boy there Boxing hired your boy there to save it.

Your boy Daniel White over there.

he's uh he's kind of the he's the new box is that a conflict of interest like the ufc destroyed boxing no dude on if you watch uh countdown to canelo crawford dana white is a big part of it and he goes he goes i grew up loving boxing more than anything and he goes and it just went horrible he's like the best guys dana

i think he did box i think he boxed yeah what happened was was was uh you know a couple of those promoters and Then the independent things and it just it got all fucked up.

And then you had like, there was like five middleweight champions the three of them then you had to try to unify the title yeah and then they created like 58 different divisions so everybody had a title so everything was like a title fight and then a title fight wasn't a title fight was a big deal and then the best guy

yeah and then the best guy didn't have to fight the next best contender in boxing which the ufc you have to or you lose it you'll lose the belt if you don't where in boxing they could be like nah he's on steroids but he doesn't want to lose you know like that well i'll be honest i think you know

if you're gonna bring it back like that's dana white's the guy to do it it's that's like absolutely that's like right in his wheelhouse and it's also great if you get a guy that knows how to run that stuff and he also has a passion and he loves boxing um

i mean it would be

I mean, boxing before Don King and all of those guys fucked it up.

It was like some of the fighters out there and some of the fights that you saw were just incredible.

It's been too long.

It's been, yeah, Mickey Ward and Gotti, Arturo Gotti, rest his soul.

Those fights were great.

I'm going back to John the Beast, Mugabe,

Alexis,

Julio Cesar Chavez, like those, dude.

Even Oscar De La Joya, like when he was a kid, like when he was like 21, 22, like those guys were, dude, Manny Pacquiao,

Michael Dokes, remember Purnell Whitaker, Sweet P, P.

Yeah, dude.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.

and Manny Pacquiao fought nine years later than their prime.

It's like

a guy like Dana White doesn't allow that.

So I like that he's coming in there.

Yeah.

All right.

Well, we got a Monday night special, right?

What do we got, Andrew?

Chargers and Raiders.

Oof.

Oh, Bill.

Raiders coming off a win.

Going home.

Their fans are excited.

Tom Brady is saying, what do the Raiders do?

What do the Raiders do consistently when their fans get excited?

I mean, I don't know, put on a Darth Vader helmet.

No, they fuck their fans.

Both of these teams fuck their fans

consistently.

Oh, we got two of my, hold on.

We got breaking news here.

Jake the Snake coming in saying we got two Monday night games.

We got the Bucs with Baker Mayfield Mayfield playing the Texans with a lower line, and then we got

another rivalry with the Chargers and Raiders.

Dude, by the way, I gotta be honest with you, the Buccaneers and the Texans-like, that's like they play in the DMZ of football for me.

I don't know anything about the NFC South.

I don't know what's going on down there.

They got your boy Baker.

Do you know what I know about the Houston Texans?

Paul Wall

is from Houston.

Paul Wall.

Megan the stallion.

I'm going to tell you what.

You called it last year.

You were right.

We both called it, but we know Jim Harbaugh in his second year.

He got a big win against the Chiefs.

Justin Herbert looked amazing.

You know, you know, I love Justin Herbert.

I can't, I mean, you know,

stay healthy, Paul.

I like the Chargers.

I do too.

Take the Chargers money line.

We own the Raiders.

Oh.

Look at Jake the Snake coming in.

Whoa, whoa,

what are you doing?

Whoa, look, look at that.

He shoots him in the foot.

He tells him to go herself.

Good on you.

Good on you, Jake.

Don't take no shit off nobody.

All right, Tom Brady.

You're gonna take that?

What's the world coming to?

He's not playing.

I was joking with you.

I was joking with you.

How do I know you're joking?

What are you, maniac?

You're gonna go, you're gonna go pick against the guy?

What are you a maniac?

What are you, some kind of maniac?

Like, he's a healthy maniac.

All right, Jake the Snake just made the pick of the game.

We're gonna take we're gonna take the Chargers' money line.

The three and a half is a little scary.

I understand.

The half

two points.

Yeah,

wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

Are we dogs?

Who's no, uh, Chargers?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

That's Chargers of Favorite.

Take the

money line.

Take Herbert to throw one.

Yep.

So there's two.

How about this?

What if we do, can we just do,

is this possible to do Chargers money line, Herbert to throw two, and we leave it at that?

It's not bad.

Or is that too much?

Could go Bowers over receiving yards.

He's incredible.

So, I mean, it's not a bad one for the

team.

It's your team.

And listen, this is your second year.

You're not a rookie anymore.

You get a say in this.

That's right.

Well, I mean, if you want to throw in something from the Bucs Texans, you could do that as well.

But, I mean, or just keep it to one game, whatever you guys are feeling, because it is your monday night special and by the way you forgot to mention the last week's monday night special hit so congrats that's okay dude we're one for one that's right

so we might have not won

paul something had to hit for us last week i was just gonna say i was just gonna say we didn't have a winning in the winning column but we got oh seven to one but we won you motherfuckers some money on monday we we lost our shirts uh

all right well we hit the monday night special i like herbert to throw one chargers to win the game outright.

And then,

and then.

Does anybody have a picture of anybody's girlfriend or wife that's playing quarterback that night so I can help make my decision?

Well, Justin Herbert is dating somebody new, so that's maybe why I got a couple more calls on Friends.

I'm fucking joking.

I don't give a shit.

I keep joking.

I don't care what they're doing.

It's none of my business.

They aren't trying to promote it like that.

Hey, Bill, maybe Justin Herbert's the new Mahomes.

Maybe that's the guy.

He's got the new girl.

He's got the coach in Harbaugh.

Maybe, maybe that's where the tide shifts.

Start seeing the Chargers get those calls by the officials.

Who's the Jake?

Who's the last picket?

Because I got to get on with Mike Day.

Yeah, yeah.

Who's the last?

Who's the running back, Jake?

Both teams have rookie running backs.

I'm not too, too familiar with both.

But the Raiders have a great tight end.

Maybe we could take him over.

uh receiving yards or something what's what's his total andrew there it is

uh actually it's not on there

i don't know why they're not showing him um but whatever

what about the first thing you said bowers you want to just do bowers yeah yeah that's what i was looking for it's not showing it on the screen but um whatever that number is all right so now let's just do this let's just do

you want to do bowers or herbert to throw two well let's keep it you know what let's keep it herbert throw two i don't want to refuse you know what if herbert throws two it's better odds so we're going to do the charges to win justin herbert to throw two touchdowns hey listen we're one and oh on the monday night special So there you go.

All right.

There you guys have it.

Andrew.

I like that.

That was outside Paul Versee.

That wasn't 0-4 Versey.

Okay.

All right.

You know better than me because I'm still shaky.

Listen.

No, no, no.

I liked it.

I liked it.

You got your swagger back.

I liked it.

Yeah, he says, don't mess around with the Rangers.

Just stick with the Chargers.

I have Cincinnati, Detroit, Pittsburgh, and Kansas City.

And Bill, you have the Jets.

I got the Jets.

I got the Dolphins.

I got the Browns.

I got problems, Paul.

And then what else should I take?

There was another Commanders.

I got the Commanders.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, two AFC, two NFC tonight.

There you go, guys.

That is our show for week two.

Hopefully, we do better for you this week than we did last week.

But even if we don't, settle down.

It's early.

There you go.

Use our code for the offer that we have.

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Enjoy your football Sunday.

And let's see if anything better can turn this puppy around we will see you next week Monday night special chargers Justin Herbert to throw two see you guys next week

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