States, World Series, Gym Clothes | Monday Morning Podcast 11-3-25

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Speaker 2 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Bird. It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 3rd, 2025.
What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 2 Oh my god, it's the day before the election. You got to get out there and you got to vote.

Speaker 2 I don't know what's going on in your state, but this is what I want to say. I want to say this right now.
I respect your state.

Speaker 2 I don't have a problem with your state because we are the United States of America.

Speaker 2 Okay? It is a melting pot. And all the other bullshit that they say that fucking

Speaker 2 hardcore certain people for some reason don't believe while they say they believe it.

Speaker 2 They're actually advertising on TV out here in California, which one of my favorite parts of the World Series was them showing hot chicks fucking rollerblading or whatever, skating

Speaker 2 out in Santa Monica and Venice. It's like, that's the way they used to sell this state.
It was called the California dream. Okay, and I got to tell you, it still exists out here.

Speaker 2 Okay, but like every other state, we are in difficult economic times.

Speaker 2 And it has nothing to do with blue or red ties as much as it has to do with industry leaving this country because they didn't want to pay the working man a working wage

Speaker 2 okay that's why everybody's driving uber and and and and taking pictures of their food because this

Speaker 2 because there's no factories left

Speaker 2 to work in

Speaker 2 um anyway they are um they are openly advertising

Speaker 2 Openly advertising,

Speaker 2 you know, one of these things, vote yes on 50 to prevent Republicans from stealing another election. And they are literally saying that on television.
This isn't the internet.

Speaker 2 Or if it's the internet, you're like, all right, that's just some over-the-top stuff to get me to click on it. But they are literally saying that on TV where there's rules of libel and slander.

Speaker 2 You can get sued. And they are just openly saying it's just fucking unbelievable to me.

Speaker 2 You know, and then the other side is saying the same thing in their states,

Speaker 2 which means

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 stealing elections is happening. They're not even hiding.
It's like gambling on sports. Like, it's legal now.
Weed is legal.

Speaker 2 Tattoos are removable. Like, I don't understand what the fuck is going on out there, but, like, somebody

Speaker 2 in both parties needs to stand up and be like, guys, we have to stop this, or

Speaker 2 this is going to be a civil war. And this is only going to be good for billionaires.

Speaker 2 All right. Everybody else is going to fucking suck.

Speaker 2 We're literally.

Speaker 2 we're going to kill each other in the fucking streets.

Speaker 2 So some fucking hair-plugged nerd can have more rockets to shoot to Mars. Or we could all just chill out and be like, hey, man,

Speaker 2 you know, there's all different ways you can live your life.

Speaker 2 And just because I choose to live my life one way,

Speaker 2 I'm free to disagree with the way you live your life, but I don't want to prevent you from doing it.

Speaker 2 If you're out there, right, you got a four-wheeler and a fucking semi-automatic weapon, and you want to shoot them fucking squirrels full of fucking lead to start your day on your own proper tie and you don't hit anybody, I don't give a fuck.

Speaker 2 Have at it. You want to take that engine out of your fucking F-250 and stick it in the back of your bass boat? Fucking have a great time.

Speaker 2 All right?

Speaker 2 If you're in the fucking city, hey, you know, you want to walk around

Speaker 2 having a beard, tits, and a dress, I don't give a shit. I don't give a shit.
Whatever you want to do is cool. Just don't hurt anybody.

Speaker 2 Just don't hurt anybody. Everybody respects everybody.

Speaker 2 You know, like this, this fucking, I'm telling you, dude, the fucking internet is evil.

Speaker 2 It is turning everybody against each other. You're even seeing it in stand-up comedy now.

Speaker 2 Comedians go after other comedians on podcasts.

Speaker 2 They literally say the person's name. They trash them.
I do interviews now. People try to get me to trash

Speaker 2 other fucking comic.

Speaker 2 I don't do that. I don't want to fucking do that.
I already feel bad enough.

Speaker 2 Like earlier this year, I did an interview and somebody goes, you know, what do you think about comedians having presidential candidates? And I knew who they were talking about.

Speaker 2 It's like, I don't want to fucking,

Speaker 2 I just wish I could go back in time and be like, hey, man, I don't want to fucking.

Speaker 2 I'm not doing this.

Speaker 2 Okay? Everybody has a podcast. They do their podcast how they want to do their podcast.
I fucking sit there by myself in my underwears talking to myself like a fucking lunatic. All right? So,

Speaker 2 guys,

Speaker 2 we're all Americans.

Speaker 2 Whether you like it or not, we are.

Speaker 2 We're all Americans. Let's fucking chill out.

Speaker 2 Let's fucking chill out. Let's stop having these cunts wind us up.

Speaker 2 You know, all these nerds that own these fucking social media networks, they're literally bullying the entire population now. They're all flicking the back of your ear.
Every time you go

Speaker 2 on a fucking social media platform, you're letting a nerd, a bunch of goddamn nerds, nerds, fucking flick the back of your ear and ruin your morning, ruin your cup of coffee

Speaker 2 with some phony shit that a bot just sent you.

Speaker 2 And then you and somebody else,

Speaker 2 okay, take the bait and you start yelling at somebody else that you would vibe with in the parking lot, outside of the forum, going to a Foo Fighters concert. You'd fucking have a couple of drinks.

Speaker 2 Now you're on the internet and you're fucking ruining each other's morning. So some nerd,

Speaker 2 some nerd can

Speaker 2 fucking go to Turkey and get a fucking hair system,

Speaker 2 could get a bigger fucking fucking boat, can do whatever.

Speaker 2 I don't hear anybody out there

Speaker 2 on the left or the right that is like, you know, running this country saying anything about bringing people together. I don't hear anybody on CNN or Fox News doing that shit.

Speaker 2 They are fucking ripping us apart.

Speaker 2 And I don't even think there's any goal other than let's get clicks and let's fucking make money.

Speaker 2 And to see that seeping into the stand-up comedy world, dude, like

Speaker 2 I don't know. I'm not pointing any fingers and like I shouldn't have answered that question.

Speaker 2 I remember when that person asked me that question, I was thinking like, oh, they want me to trash this person. I was like, so I tried to answer it as like eloquently as I could.

Speaker 2 But I'm in the future. And I have to say shit out loud

Speaker 2 because I have a medium brain. I'm not dumb.
I'm not smart. I got the regular brain.
So if I don't say it out loud, like I'm done with sugar, I'm going to the gym.

Speaker 2 All right. If I don't say it out loud, it doesn't fucking happen.
If I just think it, it just sort of just seeps into the fucking ether.

Speaker 2 So that's what I'm going to do from here on out.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Anyway.
Anyway, it's been a hell of a fucking week.

Speaker 2 Did you see that shit where they allegedly caught these mercenaries? that kidnapped some Venezuelan soldiers, put on their uniforms, and they were plotting allegedly to attack a U.S.

Speaker 2 military ship to start a war down there.

Speaker 2 Like the level of no coverage that that got.

Speaker 2 But I get it now. I'll tell you right now, but if the CIA tried to put together a comedy festival down in Venezuela, oh my god, I mean,

Speaker 2 they would have got shit for as long as the fucking festival lasted.

Speaker 2 Anyway, anyway, oh Jesus, oh Jesus, Mary and Joseph. Speaking of that, I went into Target yesterday because I had to buy some more fucking t-shirts and some Epsom salt.

Speaker 2 Just a total 100% old guy going into a fucking box store, right?

Speaker 2 Because I put these pants that I usually dry clean. I just, ah, they're fucking, you know, they're

Speaker 2 like Chinos. I'm not fucking dry cleaning these things.
So I threw them in, and it's the first time they've been washed, and they were blue. And I washed everything on cold.

Speaker 2 I don't know what happened. Got all over my t-shirts.
They actually look kind of cool. They look a little tie-dyed.

Speaker 2 They're gym t-shirts now.

Speaker 2 I used to call them changing the oil t-shirts back in the day when I used to change my oil.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 That's what kills me about my old truck, the 68F-100.

Speaker 2 I want to change the oil. I have the oil filter wrench.
I have the whole thing. It makes me feel like, you know, I'm kind of a man, right?

Speaker 2 But

Speaker 2 however, whoever fucking designed the Ford that year, the frame,

Speaker 2 right where the drain plug is on the oil pan,

Speaker 2 the piece of metal of the frame is right underneath it.

Speaker 2 So it just hits the frame and then goes all over your fucking garage.

Speaker 2 And I talked to somebody about that one time.

Speaker 2 And they were like, well, that's just how they built them back there. Like, the left hand didn't know what the fucking right hand was doing.
It's like, really?

Speaker 2 Didn't somebody just sit down and draw this whole thing?

Speaker 2 That doesn't make sense to me. Anyway,

Speaker 2 plowing ahead. So I go into Target yesterday, November 2nd.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 And over the speaker, they were playing rocking around the Christmas tree.

Speaker 2 It was 48 hours.

Speaker 2 It wasn't even 48 hours after Halloween. It was like 36 hours after Halloween.
Rocking around the Christmas tree. Have a happy holiday.
Boo ito.

Speaker 2 I always wondered who did that little slide in the guitar.

Speaker 2 It sounded like Les Paul to me. making a little money, you know.

Speaker 2 Just completely blowing past Thanksgiving, as they always do, because they haven't figured out a fucking way. Grocery stores are the only ones who figured out a way

Speaker 2 on how to make money off of the genocide of Native Americans, okay? Now, thanks.

Speaker 2 Thanksgiving

Speaker 2 selfishly is my favorite holiday. All right?

Speaker 2 Provided you don't go anywhere.

Speaker 2 Everybody's just going to sit down and eat.

Speaker 2 Gonna go watch a little football. You watch the dog show.

Speaker 2 Westminster with my wife in the morning. I go out on the back porch.
Maybe I'll have a cigar, but I'm back not smoking again, you know, going another hundred days here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's what Thanksgiving is. And there's just no

Speaker 2 songs.

Speaker 2 There's nothing you need to you need to buy it's just and it's also all over the place It's like whatever you want it to be. There's not like you have to get a Christmas tree.

Speaker 2 I guess the turkey's the Christmas tree.

Speaker 2 You know, and then it comes down to all of this stuff. And,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 you know what I don't like about Thanksgiving? I don't like people who don't cook and then they come on like they're on one of those fucking food network cooking shows.

Speaker 2 And they start talking about how the mac and cheese has to be right. It has to be right or what?

Speaker 2 You're going to continue not bringing anything to the fucking party?

Speaker 2 You're going to show up with a bottle of wine and some fucking napkin holders. Go fuck yourself.
You got that shit on the way over.

Speaker 2 You got that shit on the way over.

Speaker 2 Claire.

Speaker 2 There's always, there's always some loudmouth broad judging the fucking food.

Speaker 2 Right? The narcissist of the family, and everybody's sort of like placating and just fucking looking over.

Speaker 2 Did it please this person?

Speaker 2 I say this. This is the year.

Speaker 2 This is the year.

Speaker 2 I say, you know, you can't tell the person to go fuck themselves, but because any sort of attention they like.

Speaker 2 What you have to do

Speaker 2 is you just have to fucking get everybody on the same page to be neutral.

Speaker 2 If everybody can just be neutral with the narcissist in your family,

Speaker 2 they will leave in about an hour and seven minutes.

Speaker 2 And they'll make a big fucking show of it, and everybody just has to, you just have to hold it until they fucking drive away,

Speaker 2 turn the corner, brake lights disappear,

Speaker 2 and then everybody can laugh.

Speaker 2 That's how you do it.

Speaker 2 You know, I've actually thought about ways of, you know, I'm very inspired by these ICE vans.

Speaker 2 You know, I feel like if applied correctly, we could really improve this country. And I would start with sociopaths and narcissists.
All right.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I think one of the first ways, this is how I would get narcissists. I did a joke in my act how

Speaker 2 the first time I ever went to an airwan,

Speaker 2 which is like

Speaker 2 For people who Gelson's isn't even good enough for them. Like Gelson's is like that's like the top shelf grocery store.

Speaker 2 I mean, that is the highest level of cancer-causing food that I was aware of that you can buy in the poison food supply of this,

Speaker 2 this arguably the greatest nation

Speaker 2 on the planet, ranked 59th in human rights.

Speaker 2 Bring us your poor, bring us your downtrodden, we'll stick them in a van and fucking throw him in alligator Alcatraz.

Speaker 2 Erwan is the next level. There's always another level.

Speaker 2 I always go back to Delta Airlines. I don't give a fuck

Speaker 2 what you've done,

Speaker 2 how long you've served the country,

Speaker 2 if you got crutches, how many limbs you're missing. I don't give a fuck.
If you think you're getting on that plane first, you are. There's always a new group that they have created.

Speaker 2 I mean, Delta Airlines to a psychotic level has applied the chasing the carrot

Speaker 2 theorem.

Speaker 2 I just completely forgot what the fuck I was even talking about.

Speaker 2 I was talking about, oh, oh, Erwan.

Speaker 2 I went to my butt. I was getting a cup of coffee with a friend of mine at this place in the valley.

Speaker 2 And this whole little mall thing had all of this elevated shit that I knew my wife was going to like. You know?

Speaker 2 For all, you know,

Speaker 2 for the cleanest twats in L.A.

Speaker 2 You know, anytime there's like a Lululemon, you know, there's certain stores that they put in.

Speaker 2 And then you know that there's going to be like a fucking $48 cheeseburger somewhere in there or like fucking, you know, $17 mac and cheese, like just basic food,

Speaker 2 you know, that they zhuzh a little. Back in the day, it was truffle oil.
You put a little truffle oil in it, and then you could have like $40 to the fucking bill.

Speaker 2 So he goes, they got an, he was telling me what they had there because the coffee was really good. He goes, oh, you know, they got an airwan here too.
I go, get the fuck out of here. No, I know.

Speaker 2 I didn't know what an airwan was. I was like, what the fuck is an airwan?

Speaker 2 And he goes, oh, yeah, he goes, dude, it's like fucking top shelf grocery store. So, dude, I went in there and I'm not going to lie to you, like the food dye that they had in the meat was incredible.

Speaker 2 It was the reddest, juiciest-looking fucking steaks I'd ever seen. I felt like Fred Flintstone.
I'm like, what is this?

Speaker 2 You know what they should have had in Airworne? They should have had like dry ice on the floor. Like you're walking out in the middle of like Led Zeppelin, no quarter.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like it was like rock star level food.

Speaker 2 And I remember I went down the aisle and I I saw this woman walking up

Speaker 2 the aisle and she had a sweatshirt on that said, Namaste.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 2 Now, if I was running shit,

Speaker 2 if all of my friends were dictators and I wanted to ruin my own country and go for a third term

Speaker 2 and I had the ICE vans, that's the person I would put in the van. And that's how I would get them.

Speaker 2 I would write spiritual shit on mass-produced clothes.

Speaker 2 And the first thing I would do is people that buy clothes that complement themselves or describe their personality.

Speaker 2 You know, like t-shirts that say, I give no fucks. I remember seeing this woman in an airport, you know, and she had like on yoga pants, you know.

Speaker 2 Looking like a fucking hoary test pilot about ready to get on this fucking plate, right? And I'm sorry, I got the hiccups.

Speaker 2 And written all over her pants was like, you know, big heart, but give no fucks. Fucking social justice.

Speaker 2 All of those people, people who actually buy mass-produced clothes that complement the person that wears them, and it's like mass-produced. And they feel like it's a unique statement.
about them.

Speaker 2 Like they think it's about them in the fucking van.

Speaker 2 In the van. Now, I'm not saying this would cure

Speaker 2 the problems that we have in this country, but I was just wondering,

Speaker 2 you know, I would be open to it. Like, this is just a theory.
Let's stick these fucking cunts,

Speaker 2 sociopaths, people who mirror your emotions,

Speaker 2 you know, in the van.

Speaker 2 In the van. And here's another thing too.
I'd get rid of the alligators.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 2 Isn't it enough we make bags and shoes out of them? Do we also have to have them work for free as prison guards?

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 And I don't want to deal with the uprising when they try to unionize and get involved in any of that shit. So, what I would do is I would just set those motherfuckers free.

Speaker 2 Although,

Speaker 2 if you wanted to monetize them, as long as you cut them in it,

Speaker 2 gave the alligators something,

Speaker 2 that would be a great show. Because only a narcissist would think that they could get across that moat,

Speaker 2 you know, and the alligators wouldn't eat them because they're a fucking god or whatever. But I would do that.

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 that would be the first group. I'd get rid of those people.
And then any fucking billionaire nerd that that now has a hair system is taking jiu-jitsu,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 and is walking around with a Botox altered

Speaker 2 fucking

Speaker 2 trophy wife in the van.

Speaker 2 I'm not saying any of this shit would work. This is what I think would work.

Speaker 2 You're not allowed to comment

Speaker 2 on anything

Speaker 2 on the internet. You want want to make a comment? Talk to the person in your fucking house the way it used to happen.

Speaker 2 You would watch TV, and then you'd look at somebody going, What the fuck is this shit?

Speaker 2 This is really the direction we're going. That's how you did it.

Speaker 2 And more times than not, the person you were with would be being like, But then fucking turn the channel.

Speaker 2 Dude, are you really going to do this again tonight? Put a fucking game on, right?

Speaker 2 And then I would outlaw all hate groups.

Speaker 2 You want to hate people? You do it as an individual. You're not allowed to join a group.

Speaker 2 No more fucking groups.

Speaker 2 Be man enough to be racist by yourself.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that is it.

Speaker 2 That is it.

Speaker 2 Okay?

Speaker 2 No more gated communities.

Speaker 2 You want to fuck everybody over?

Speaker 2 You're not living behind a gate. Ain't happening.

Speaker 2 You can have a gate around your house, but someone can drive up to it. Can drive up to your house and be like, hey!

Speaker 2 That's just my thoughts. It's just my thoughts.
It's just the things I like to talk about. Oh, by the way, we got to talk here we got to talk dodgers blue jays holy

Speaker 2 first of all that was one of the greatest world series i have ever seen

Speaker 2 um i think i'd have to go back to the twins versus the fucking

Speaker 2 braves 1991 a buddy of mine was comparing it to that game seven just the entire series first of all shout out to the blue jays and the team that they have

Speaker 2 um

Speaker 2 that never say die team that they had. I got so much respect for that organization and all of the players on that team.
It's absolutely heartbreaking

Speaker 2 that

Speaker 2 they ended up losing that thing. But everybody, myself included, I was like, hey, you know, I think they'll give them a series.
But

Speaker 2 I said I think they'd give them a series, but I still had the Dodgers winning.

Speaker 2 In five or six, I thought the Blue Jays would take one or two. Because like you guys, I'm not going to put it on like a lot of people, I was enamored with what

Speaker 2 Otani did.

Speaker 2 Why wouldn't she be in that game for

Speaker 2 the closeout game in the NLCS?

Speaker 2 And then for the Dodgers, like,

Speaker 2 was it Yamamota? I finally got his name right. The guy won three fucking games.

Speaker 2 I didn't look, but like, he has to be the MVP of that series.

Speaker 2 And there was just so many people Freddie Freeman is just fucking money

Speaker 2 obviously Otani I know Mookie Betts was struggling but like that guy's still a beast

Speaker 2 game seven had that big hit also started the double play to win it and Miguel Rojas hitting that fucking home run oh my god when he hit that home run in the ninth inning I was on the phone with a friend of mine.

Speaker 2 Her daughter was staying over our house, friends with my daughter. So she called to say goodnight.
And I was going, you know, I was right in the middle.

Speaker 2 I'm like, wow, the Blue Jays are going to win this. And I was talking on the phone.
I'm like, yep, they're, you know,

Speaker 2 they had dinner. Everything's cool.
They're in the other room watching, blah, blah, blah. And then as I'm talking to her, telling her that everything's okay with her kid, Miguel hits the home run.

Speaker 2 And I just go, oh my God.

Speaker 2 She said, she's just going, what, what? I go, nothing. I go watching the game.

Speaker 2 The Dodgers just tied it up in the top of the ninth. I was like, oh, my God.
I just kept saying, oh my God. That was the quietest.

Speaker 2 Like, how quiet that fucking stadium. I haven't heard

Speaker 2 Toronto that quiet

Speaker 2 since the last time the Maple Leafs were in the play.

Speaker 2 You know, that grassy knoll they all stand out and they're all jumping up and down and they got the scarves and the flags and then they just start slowly walking away

Speaker 2 like Linus waiting for the great pumpkin.

Speaker 2 I don't know. Dante, I keep saying Dante Bobuchet hitting that fucking three-run homer.

Speaker 2 And then the Dodgers coming back. And then they get another run.
And then it was four to three fucking Blue Jays. I just like lost.

Speaker 2 Oh my God. And then the fucking bases are loaded.
In the bottom of the ninth, they bring in that other guy at second base.

Speaker 2 They bring the infield in.

Speaker 2 Hits it to second base.

Speaker 2 The guy's running in to fucking win the World Series, and the guy can't get it out of his glove, and then he baubles it, and then he guns it, takes the fucking catcher off the plate for half a second, and he got like one spike of his cleat onto home plate before that kid slid in.

Speaker 2 I think Glavin brought up this point. I never even thought about this, saying home plate is the hardest plate to slide into because it's flush with the ground.
I never thought of that.

Speaker 2 So you got to try to get your foot down without slowing down, creating too much friction.

Speaker 2 That's why the head-first slide is probably the way to go.

Speaker 2 If you don't mind slamming into all of that catcher gear, I still don't understand why the catcher can't block the plate.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean? I don't understand that. I don't understand why there's three seconds on the defensive player in basketball.
I have to walk away from the goal, which I'm covering.

Speaker 2 This doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ, how about that fucking guy hitting a 68-yard field goal?

Speaker 2 Kicking the moon balls, the floaties.

Speaker 2 It's unbelievable. It is just unbelievable

Speaker 2 the difference in conditioning of a field goal kicker from this season versus three years ago.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you, I saw him hit, I saw him hit a 72-yarder in

Speaker 2 pregame.

Speaker 2 68-yard fucking field goal. Ridiculous.
Ridiculous.

Speaker 2 The fucking ball was on their own 42.

Speaker 2 Right? No, wait.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 50 yards.

Speaker 2 Then you add 10 for the end zone.

Speaker 2 Then you got to add 8 when they hike it. So the ball was on the 50-yard line.

Speaker 2 So if you kick the ball out of the end zone, they're going to get the ball in the 35. They have to go 15 yards

Speaker 2 for that kid to then be in his field goal range.

Speaker 2 You know, offense sells the game.

Speaker 2 One of my New York Yankee friends, one of my friends who's a New York Yankee fan, had the classic New Yorker reaction to the World Series.

Speaker 2 He said, I'm glad the Dodgers won,

Speaker 2 you know, because his team lost to the Blue Jays. And then he immediately starts saying what the Yankees are going to do next year.

Speaker 2 You know, he goes, and fucking Judge maybe hits one off of Otani. That would be fucking amazing.
That'd be fucking amazing. I go, dude, this is such a New Yorker response.

Speaker 2 You're not in the conversation of winning a World Series. You were in a World Series two years ago.
You made some moves this year and you went backwards. What did you do this year?

Speaker 2 You beat the Red Sox in a wild card.

Speaker 2 Best two out of three. We traded away Devers.

Speaker 2 The Red Sox are a bunch of kids with this side of 26.

Speaker 2 You couldn't get past the Blue Jays, who barely got past the fucking Mariners, who then played the Dodgers and took them to seven games.

Speaker 2 He goes, dude, we're going to have the best pitching staff in the AL East. It's like, you obviously stopped watching baseball after you lost.

Speaker 2 Ridiculous statement. The fucking Blue Jays pitching staff was incredible.
Forget about

Speaker 2 the Dodgers.

Speaker 2 They got a guy that can win three out of four games that you need to win.

Speaker 2 I don't know. But that is.

Speaker 2 You know, I lived in New York long enough to realize

Speaker 2 it reminded me a lot about Boston, where Boston is this weird thing where it's...

Speaker 2 It has these incredible fucking universities, two of the best universities in the world, MIT and Harvard.

Speaker 2 And it is also ground zero for some of the biggest meatheads you're ever going to meet in your life. So, like,

Speaker 2 it has this weird sort of duality where it's like it's this smart city because of all the people from elsewhere, for the most part, that go to those schools.

Speaker 2 And then you have the fucking guy like me going a dunk of donuts and on his way to a Bruins game, is the majority of the population.

Speaker 2 New York is the same thing where like there's all of this amazing shit happens in New York, but most of it is done by people that move to New York.

Speaker 2 And everybody else is just a meathead eating a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich, talking about the accomplishments of

Speaker 2 people who aren't even from New York and then claiming it for their own. Sinatra, Steinbrenner, all of that shit.

Speaker 2 I'll even say comedians.

Speaker 2 The amount of fucking comedians that came down or came up from Philly, came down from Boston, came up from DC.

Speaker 2 All right? I'm removing myself from this. I'm just saying the ones that I saw as a fan of stand-up comedy came there and just fucking crushed it.

Speaker 2 And then they're like, oh my God, the New York comedy scene. It's like, yeah, it's like, it's a free agent comedy scene.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I just thought that that was funny because I love where the Red Sox are and I like. our chances next year as far as I feel like making the wild card again.

Speaker 2 You know, it depends what we do in the offseason, but I in no,

Speaker 2 in no way do I sit there and look at the Red Sox realistically and be like, yeah, this time next year, they're going to, you know, they could beat the Dodgers.

Speaker 2 I did see this guy pre-game,

Speaker 2 before game seven, goes, you know, if the Dodgers win tonight, that would mean they won three World Series in six years and they would cement their dynasty.

Speaker 2 It's like, Jesus fucking Christ, the training wheels that they're putting on a dynasty.

Speaker 2 Fortunately, I only heard one person say that. It's like, you're not a dynasty if you're losing.

Speaker 2 A dynasty is for three years in a row.

Speaker 2 The championship was in your city, and there's nothing anybody could do about it. You own the league for at least three years.

Speaker 2 You can't like they won 2020, the pandemic year, no crowd.

Speaker 2 Okay,

Speaker 2 You win that year.

Speaker 2 The next year, you lost.

Speaker 2 The next year, you lost.

Speaker 2 The next year, you lost.

Speaker 2 And then you won, and then you won.

Speaker 2 So we're going all the way back.

Speaker 2 You're going to drag that title from six fucking seasons ago into the back-to-back.

Speaker 2 And then say, like, you're like the 98, 99, 2000 Yankees

Speaker 2 or the 74, 70, 73, 74, no, 72, 73, 74 Oakland A's.

Speaker 2 You're not.

Speaker 2 You're not.

Speaker 2 The 76, 77, 78, 79 Canadians, 80, 81, 82, 83

Speaker 2 Islanders.

Speaker 2 Those are dynasties. Dude, the fucking Lakers in the 80s won five championships.
They were not called a dynasty

Speaker 2 because they didn't win three in a row.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 That's what it is.

Speaker 2 The Lakers 2000,

Speaker 2 2001, 2002, that was a dynasty. The NBA title was in LA three years in a row, and there wasn't a fucking thing the other 29 teams could do about it.

Speaker 2 The Lakers didn't win and then lose, lose, lose, win, win.

Speaker 2 Fuck out of here with that.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 I got to go on a sports show and fucking like, said that about the Kansas City Chiefs. I mean, they've been to like seven AFC championships in a row.
I mean, that's a dynasty. A dynasty of what?

Speaker 2 So are the Buffalo Bills a dynasty? They went to four AFC championship games in a row. Wow, Jesus.
I don't need to keep explaining it. Or do I?

Speaker 2 Or

Speaker 2 do I?

Speaker 2 All right, here we go.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 where are we? But anyway,

Speaker 2 I guess I do advertising now.

Speaker 2 All right.

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Speaker 2 All right, finally, mercifully, into the questions.

Speaker 2 End of the questions. Now, what are you guys going to do? What are you going to do this week? You're not going to fucking argue with anybody.
You're not going to argue with your fellow countrymen.

Speaker 2 If you live in Arkansas, you're going to appreciate California. If you live in California, you're going to appreciate Tallahassee, Florida.
Right?

Speaker 2 You live where you live, I live where I live. I like you, you like me.
We're on the same team.

Speaker 2 Don't let these habitash cunts separate you. All right, cholesterol myths.
Dear Bill, feel free to ignore this email.

Speaker 2 I'm about to give you some unsolicited health advice, which I know you are not a fan of. Yeah, but you know, that's the perfect intro.
That's, see, see the way this person did this?

Speaker 2 Feel free to ignore it.

Speaker 2 They just capitulated the whole fucking thing over to me, which is a power move.

Speaker 2 Because that means, hey, man, I actually have some information. You want to hear it? Okay, you don't? You don't.

Speaker 2 no skin off my back right

Speaker 2 can we stop saying that it's a reference back to fuck you shut up um

Speaker 2 anyway but he says but I can't let my favorite redhead comedian possibly get sicker not on my watch I just wanted to clarify a few things out a few outdated teachings about cholesterol and I say outdated because nurses and doctors are sick too take a look around the hospitals at all the overweight staff we nurses have a higher obesity rate than the general population we are giving giving ourselves the same bad advice on health and nutrition that we give our patients.

Speaker 2 I don't believe this is a conspiracy. I think the education just needs to be updated and changed.
And changing the system is slow, as you know. Please do not do a low-fat diet.

Speaker 2 Eating fat makes you fat and makes your cholesterol high is a very old teaching. It's slowly changing in the general population, but a lot of our health practices will be slow to adapt this lesson.

Speaker 2 Well, no, I was just eating too much fucking red meat.

Speaker 2 I was eating breakfast burritos.

Speaker 2 So, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I mean, and also, how can you diagnose what my shit is without looking at it yourself?

Speaker 2 Anyway, the FDA changed its regulation towards eggs and healthy fats in December of 2024, saying that both are part of a healthy heart-healthy diet. More change is coming.

Speaker 2 The old standard LDL blood work does not show LDL particle size, large particle LDL versus small particle LDL. It's a small particle LDL that is truly dangerous and that causes

Speaker 2 atherosclerosis, i.e. heart attacks.
You could have a lot of large particle LDL that is not dangerous at all. What the fuck does LDL mean?

Speaker 2 The biggest indicator of whether or not you're going to have a heart attack is inflammation.

Speaker 2 We get inflammation through an ultra-processed food diet, not from protective anti-inflammatory food like healthy fats and proteins. Too much sugar, I don't fuck with sugar, unless I'm eating fruit.

Speaker 2 Too much flour, I don't fuck with flour. Too much fake food all cause inflammation and this usually comes with the low-fat, low-calorie diet.

Speaker 2 This is why when fat got vilified in the 1990s and more people switched to low-fat diets, the rates of heart disease went up and not down.

Speaker 2 Well, the reason why they did the low-fat thing was the skim off the top of the milk, and they didn't want to throw it out. They wanted to figure out a way to sell it to us.

Speaker 2 But it was weird because they were also bad-mouthing their 4% milk. There's a whole bunch of shit.

Speaker 2 Anyway, as a cardiac nurse, I treated many patients who had a heart attack with perfect cholesterol levels. The solution, eat real food.

Speaker 2 This is good shit. I like this here.
The food humans have eaten since the dawn of time. Food from plants and animals.

Speaker 2 The food humans were designed to consume. Eat Eat the food that is in the outer aisles of the grocery store and nothing from the shelves in the middle.

Speaker 2 That's where all the fake ultra-processed food is. Sorry for a long-winded email.
What are you talking about? You're improving my life.

Speaker 2 And anybody listening who wants to take this information. Not looking for any recognition or even for you to read it on the podcast.
I just truly hope you take a minute to hear a less popular opinion.

Speaker 2 Either way, I wish you the best of health for you and your beautiful family. Thanks for all the free laughs.
So basically the breakfast burrito, the egg part isn't the problem.

Speaker 2 It's probably the flour tortilla that it's in. The flour tortilla.

Speaker 2 No, you know, I've been doing green juices, oatmeal, parfaits for breakfast, getting my cardio in.

Speaker 2 And then I've been eating salads with fucking salmon.

Speaker 2 And then at night, I'm also, you know, I'm eating, I am eating real food. And for like snacks at night, I have like steamed spinach and like

Speaker 2 snow peas.

Speaker 2 So anytime I get like a craving, I just grab a handful of it and I just shove it in my mouth and I start chewing. And immediately I am satisfied.
And my

Speaker 2 old freckled belly, it ain't what it used to be, is going down.

Speaker 2 It's going down. All right, girl asking for money.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bill Bubble Beer Belly. Just kidding.
No, I love Fat Shaman. I love it.
Fucking, you know, gets me to the gym, which is where I am going. Right after this.
Backstory.

Speaker 2 Over 10 years ago, I used to work with this girl. We were kind of into each other.
I left the job before anything.

Speaker 2 What the fuck is that?

Speaker 2 What are they drilling outside?

Speaker 2 Oh, it's a fucking leaf blower.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. Everybody bitches about the helicopters out here.
It's the fucking leaf blowers. Hey!

Speaker 2 Wow! The whole fucking... When I used to smoke cigars, I love that I can say that now.
When I used to smoke cigars on a regular basis, when I would sit on my back porch, it was like fucking clockwork.

Speaker 2 The second I would light it and take, you know, the first little, you know, puff,

Speaker 2 you'd hear wubbada, wubbada, wubbada,

Speaker 2 you'd sit there.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, this is dude at my fucking gym. I swear to God.

Speaker 2 I swear to God.

Speaker 2 He comes in and he wears like a he's like skinny and fucking really hairy.

Speaker 2 Pale skin with like this jet black hair all over his fucking body. He has the tank top where it doesn't go down to the armpits.
It goes all the way down to the waist. You know, the fucking,

Speaker 2 the open area. Jesus fucking Christ, dude.
Jesus fucking Christ. He's fucking goddamn.

Speaker 2 Sounds like he's fucking drilling for oil out there.

Speaker 2 Anyway,

Speaker 2 taking a walk here.

Speaker 2 So this guy's got one of those tank tops with the part that just usually just goes underneath the armpits.

Speaker 2 It goes all the way down to his waist. It's totally open on the sides.
And then he wears those fucking short shorts from the 70s.

Speaker 2 Okay, with like the like it, like blue shorts with like the white line on the side. And they're like fucking baggy.

Speaker 2 You know like when you buy your kids underwear and they haven't grown into them yet, they're fucking loose around the legs.

Speaker 2 That's what, except he's an adult. And then he like does these stretches where he's doing down dog and then he's lifting one leg up in the air.

Speaker 2 And it's like his fucking junk is going to fall. I just want to be like, dude, can you put some fucking shorts on? Can you put some every time I go to the fucking gym?

Speaker 2 He's always got the giant like exercise ball and he's he wears the same thing every time and he's like bent over backwards on it

Speaker 2 hey I'll tell you my fucking gym is wild it's fucking wild

Speaker 2 I'm like how is no woman bitched about that

Speaker 2 am I gonna be the guy it was it's like fucking annoying it's fun he fucking got these Kurt Rambas glasses on I mean there's just like

Speaker 2 I don't know maybe I should just look at the whole picture and just be like maybe

Speaker 2 This guy is just so unappealing as a person that he just has to put it out there

Speaker 2 hoping somebody, somebody's going to love him. I don't know what it is, but Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 2 Put on a shirt, put on some fucking shorts,

Speaker 2 cover yourself up, and work out.

Speaker 2 Oh my God.

Speaker 2 It's fucking terrifying. It's like his fucking hose is going to, it's going to come out one day.
I don't want to be there for it. All right, girl asking for money.

Speaker 2 All right, sorry, I already started me. Okay, backstory.
Over 10 years ago, I used to work with this girl. We were kind of into each other, but I left the job before anything became of it.

Speaker 2 We remained cordial through the years, and about five years ago, what does cordial mean?

Speaker 2 You occasionally hooked up or you just occasionally said, what's up on social or she still has your number. Anyway,

Speaker 2 through the years and about five years ago, we went on a date once, but never really followed up. Current story, we're both in our 30s now and still single.
So we started to talk again.

Speaker 2 We went on a date two nights ago and had a great time. I believe the intention is to take it serious this time, but plot twists.
She calls me around 4 a.m.

Speaker 2 this morning and asked me if asked if I could cover her dental bills.

Speaker 2 Oh yeah, that's a hard no. I'm usually uncomfortable when people I don't know too well ask to borrow money, but anyway, I asked her how much it was and she replied $15,000.

Speaker 2 I told her I didn't have it,

Speaker 2 which I don't. Who's got 15 grand to give to somebody else you don't even fucking know for their dental work?

Speaker 2 Anyway, but I'm kind of turned off by the fact that she felt comfortable enough to ask me after one date, technically two dates, but five years apart, buddy,

Speaker 2 you need to be majorly uncomfortable. You went on one date and she asked you for 15 grand?

Speaker 2 What is she going to ask you for?

Speaker 2 What is she going to ask you for when you're she's actually your girlfriend? She's really nice and she asked you at 4 a.m. Which means she's up worried about this shit

Speaker 2 Which means you that's just the tip of the iceberg. She's really nice.
Yeah, people who need 15 grand tend to be pretty pleasant She's really nice, but I'm not sure how to continue with this.

Speaker 2 Has anything like this ever happened to you? Has anybody asked me for 15 grand after one date? No. Has anybody asked me for money? 100%.

Speaker 2 I take it on a case-by-case basis. And on this case, it is a no.

Speaker 2 It is definitely a no.

Speaker 2 Listen, if you felt bad and you had the money and you just wanted to help somebody out because, you know, what's the point of making money if you're not going to help somebody out?

Speaker 2 I always, I believe in that too.

Speaker 2 And this felt like the right thing to do, then I would do it. But the fact that there's like romance and, you know, you're kind of like into her and it's just like, no.

Speaker 2 She's well into her 30s. She doesn't brush her teeth.
She's not good with money.

Speaker 2 She is just going to fucking back that truck of problems up.

Speaker 2 I don't know what fucking level model that weed, that fucking leaf blower is, but that's good. I thought they'd fix that problem with the fucking,

Speaker 2 I'm going to go down there after this and tell that guy to put on some fucking earplugs, or he's going to end up with tinnitus like me.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would

Speaker 2 say,

Speaker 2 I would say don't do it. And I think it's the tip of the iceberg.
All right, you're in your 30s. I'm sure you can find a nice person that has their shit together financially.
Okay.

Speaker 2 She is not looking for a boyfriend.

Speaker 2 She's looking for a sugar daddy or she's looking for, you know, the same way there's like guys out there who act like they're looking for a wife, but they really want another mother.

Speaker 2 You know, wash my clothes, take care of me, do all of this. They're just like, they're like, my wife is man babies, man boys, or whatever.

Speaker 2 I think she's the female version of that. That's an easy one.
I would walk away from that.

Speaker 2 You know?

Speaker 2 I mean, what is she going to say?

Speaker 2 You got 15, I mean, that is fucking wild.

Speaker 2 That is wild. 15 grand?

Speaker 2 I mean, that's something a relative does. I mean, you don't even know this person.

Speaker 2 Has she even sucked your dick yet? No, I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, no. Fuck that.
Fuck that.

Speaker 2 Fuck all of that. And I would,

Speaker 2 in a very nice way, I would just do what you did the first time, where there was really no follow-up on the date.

Speaker 2 And then be thankful that the first time there was no follow-up on the date, because if you married her, she's, I don't know, I don't know, maybe she's going through some sh- This ain't your problem, dude.

Speaker 2 You can do a lot better.

Speaker 2 All right, you're on the used car lot. This thing has been in a fucking,

Speaker 2 it's got a bent frame i would move on to the next car personally

Speaker 2 all right big bear

Speaker 2 hey there billy bear bait i heard your big bear story from thursday and i have a better one for you my wife and i rented an by the way i wasn't at big bear lake i just said that because i was still uh at the lake that i was at it wasn't big bear but i just said that um anyway my wife and i rented a nice house on big bear lake inspiration point area to celebrate an anniversary

Speaker 2 I cannot fucking believe how loud that thing is.

Speaker 2 I have to go see if that guy has hearing protection. I do that to fight.

Speaker 2 Believe me, God, you don't protect your fucking ears. You know, Wu-Tang said, protect your neck all the time? They got your neck covered.
I'm talking about your ears. You got to have the earplugs.

Speaker 2 All right. I heard your Big Bear story.

Speaker 2 Okay. Inspiration point.
The neighborhood had a former boat ramp adjacent to the house that acted as a walking path down to the water.

Speaker 2 The first night there, I was in amazement of the stars, so I pulled out my good camera and set up for a difficult night picture.

Speaker 2 I'm also a pale, bald whitey, so typically I would stand out to nearby animals. But I was accidentally camouflaged by wearing dark pants and a hoodie.

Speaker 2 I was lying on my back for a while, trying to be very still because I didn't have my tripod,

Speaker 2 but felt like I got some decent shots. So I slowly stood up,

Speaker 2 still mostly looking up at the stars. Oh my god.

Speaker 2 Out of my peripheral vision, I see a large black silhouette move on the nearby old boat ramp, and I instinctively flinch, then go still.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, dude, this is making my heart race. My brain immediately realized it's a large black bear, and the only thing separating us is about 25 feet and a baby gait.

Speaker 2 My flinch must have gotten his attention because I see him, maybe her, but him sounds more badass,

Speaker 2 look straight at me. I'm in a dead cold freeze on my feet at this point, wondering if I have time to make it through the sliding glass door before Baloo bears down on me.

Speaker 2 Do you know the relief you got when you think you just got a second chance at life? I had that when the bear started running away from me up up the boat ramp.

Speaker 2 My wife was inside at the time washing her face and above her sink was the open window facing the boat ramp.

Speaker 2 As I'm opening the glass door, she's coming out to tell me she thinks she heard something and that I should come inside.

Speaker 2 She says my eyes were like saucers and that I just yelled,

Speaker 2 I saw a bear and he saw me

Speaker 2 like a child.

Speaker 2 The bear had also set off the motion lights when he ran off, so the noises along with the lights and my reaction had my wife convinced I was telling the truth.

Speaker 2 Meanwhile, my parents who slept through the whole incident and they thought I was fucking with them the next morning, I was still amped up and had barely, in quotes, slept the night before.

Speaker 2 Jesus. It was muddy from the recent rain, so I suggested.
Suggested, why don't we go look for bear tracks in the mud area.

Speaker 2 I'll never forget the look of, oh shit, he was telling the truth on my dad's face when he quickly came across these giant bear prints, an attached picture. Oh, I don't have the picture.

Speaker 2 I'll have to ask Andrew for it. The lasting thought I have about that memory is how that bear was able to get so close to me without me hearing a thing.

Speaker 2 They are surprisingly stealth for something so large. Keep the faith and go fuck yourself.
Yeah, dude, for all you know, it was already there.

Speaker 2 I think that's what happened to my wife.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we were up in

Speaker 2 we were really up in Lake Tahoe,

Speaker 2 but we were still there. So there's always weirdos, so I never say where, if I'm still going to be there, you know, when the podcast,

Speaker 2 you know, wherever I say I am, I never am, or I already left. That's how the game works.
But I didn't want people up in Big Bear to think like

Speaker 2 because I heard there was no bears up there. I don't fucking know.
Evidently there are. Who knows?

Speaker 2 All right, that is the podcast, everybody. Baseball season is over.

Speaker 2 The

Speaker 2 baseball fan in me is sad, but what a great season. But

Speaker 2 the pilot in me is excited because there's no more TFRs

Speaker 2 over fucking Dodger Stadium until next year.

Speaker 2 Because that's always my big paranoia when I fly around there.

Speaker 2 Is my

Speaker 2 Is my information up to date on for-flight?

Speaker 2 You know, have I done all the downloads? Is there a TFR? And I'm not aware of it. I'm going to fucking fly into it.
Don't need that shit.

Speaker 2 So, anyways, that is the podcast, everybody. Go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 2 Come together, man.

Speaker 2 Let's not have another civil war. That's what they want.
Don't fucking do it. It's a bunch of goddamn nerds.
Nerds. I'll see you Thursday.

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