SNL 50, Organic Food, Shorts in the Winter | Monday Morning Podcast 2-17-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 17th, 2025. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going, man? Anyway, I got a late call into work today, so I'm doing my podcast and then I'm going to get to the gym.
Oh, Billy InShape. Oh, Billy InShape, I shape oh billy in shape i joined a big gay gym i joined a big gay gym and i'm getting in fucking shape and uh you know every gym is a little gay but this one is this one's really gay it depends on what hour you go to the level that it is um but i'll tell you something about gay guys they fucking they

like no one makes you feel out of shape like a fucking gay guy jesus christ everybody at my gym either looks like the fucking hulk or barishnikov that's what they are they either look like they like they just got done doing the nfl combine or like they're they're uh i don't know dancing for alvin ailey whatever that dance school is um and then you got me going in there when i'm in decent shape but jesus christ i go into that fucking gym i look like I'm on my 600 pound life um it's definitely a vibe in there but you know it is what it is it's New York City it is what it is so I'm gonna get in there throw the weights around it's so funny man I do like my fucking 1980s workout and everybody else now is just, you know, so much younger than me. I don't even know like half the shit that I try to like look and see like, you know, what the new exercises are.
I try to like learn, but you know, everybody at my gym seems to be, uh, ragingly homosexual. So I'm afraid to look in their direction that they're going to get the wrong idea.
You know, and I don't know how in 2025 to say, no, I'm not gay without it not coming off as homophobic. Not to say there's anything wrong with whatever you're doing in the steam room that I can't use but still pay for.
But anyway, the gym is fucking hilarious. It's a really good gym.
It's

got all this stuff there, but it's lit like a fucking W Hotel, man. It's fucking hilarious.

But it is a great gym. I stand by it um i give it five rainbows um anyway plowing ahead here um oh what a weekend i had what a weekend i had all right thursday night i went out i did three spots bang bang boom fucking crushed on all three of them So, You know, my last time I went up, like, I just felt like they were just sort of laughing because they knew who I was, right? So that's what happens.
Once people know who you are as a comedian, you can kind of, like, actually have a bad set but still kind of do all right because they're just like, oh, you. I know you.
Are you trying out new jokes? Oh, you, we'll be fucking forgiving. And it's like, you know, you got to do like the math, you know, and be like, no, I'm actually bombing right now, but they're appreciating other things that I've done, but they're not appreciating this.
They just don't know it. So I couldn't get the car out of the fucking mud.
I wasn't flowing. And I was like, ah, fuck.
And I didn't have time to do another set. So I just kind of had to live with that for a few days.
So then I went up Thursday night. And I was fucking psyched.
And I just, I was flowing. I was old Billy Jerkface again.
Old Billy Dumb Stuff, you know, just up there talking.

And I felt great.

The crowds were awesome.

And I got to work with some comics that, you know, I've seen or haven't seen and all of that shit. So it was a good time.
And then Friday night, I went to the Saturday Night Live 50 years of music, you know, all this wide variety of music and stuff that they've had over the years and all these amazing performers, which of course I'm going to forget some people. I meant to look up all the fucking names so I wouldn't do this.
But anyway, it was just an incredible night.

I'm trying to think of like... I meant to look up all the fucking names so I wouldn't do this.
But anyway, it was just an incredible night.

I'm trying to think of like, I'm trying to put this whole weekend together.

All right, obviously right out of the gate, the post-Nirvana, which was post-Malone fronting Nirvana with all surviving members, including Pat Smear.

They absolutely fucking destroyed. And it was right in front of me i was like i was like 30 feet away from it and um you know what's funny is i i played uh you know i've played along to smelled like team spirit and to actually just watch davehl play that fucking song.
I was embarrassed. I was like, oh my God.
I knew I sucked, but Jesus, look at that guy. The thing about him is if you watch his performance this weekend and you go back 30-something years to when he first played that song on SNL, his energy has not dropped off at all.
He hasn't lost a fucking step. Remember that guy that played cornerback for the Redskins, Daryl Green? He played all the way into his 40s, and he was still the fastest guy in the NFL? It's like that.
Still the same. He didn't look like all like, you know,

a lot of those guys when you play like that,

after a while, you know, you get shoulder problems,

you get carpal tunnel, your back's fucked up.

Dude, that guy, I don't know if he went to the day spa or what,

but he just, it just, he looked the exact same.

Fucking killing it.

Fucking killing it. Fucking killing it.

Post Malone sounded great.

And then I feel like their bass player, Christ.

Dude, that guy's fucking hilarious.

Like, I don't know.

I can't figure out.

There's so many people that pretend they don't give a fuck.

That guy just does not give a fuck in a really good way. First of all, he went bald like a shoe salesman.
He never shaved the whole thing to try to make it look like, you know, maybe he knows some jujitsu. He didn't.
He went bald like fucking Bob Newhart as a rock star. Doesn't give a fuck.
Gets into politics. Does all that.
Comes back. Smashes that show.
Nonchalant. I guess I'll be a fucking rock star again.
Fucking kills it. The song ends and he just hands his bass to someone in the crowd and walks off stage during the applause.
Dude, Miles Davis would be like, God damn. Speaking of which, Miles Davis, kind of the first punk rocker.
You know, he used to turn his back to the fucking crowd and everybody's like, what the fuck? He's like, what do you mean, what the fuck? I'm listening to the band. All right.
You don't matter. Right.
You sit here and like what I'm doing, I'm talking to these guys. Stop interrupting and you get to enjoy this conversation.
That was his whole fucking vibe as a black dude. I don't know if you noticed he was a black dude his whole life i don't know why i needed to make that point but he was doing it in front of like that that those older white generations that expected you to be like uh as a black performer to feel just you know thrilled to death that you got to perform in front of a bunch of white people.
He's like, no, fuck you.

You should be thrilled. I'm the one

doing the fucking show, you asshole.

Reason number 9,776

to fucking love Miles Davis.

Anyway, who else?

Bonnie Raitt.

She's just a real deal. She fucking killed.

On my stage was the post-Nirvana thing. Mumford and Son.
You can't tell me that lead singer of Mumford and Son and Tim Tebow are not related. Okay? Not to start that shit again.
What else? Devo was on that stage. Dude, Cher out and fucking murdered it wearing the same fucking outfit she wore way back in the day and still looking great unexpected and she went on like second to last in front of Jack White who had the uh you know that's one of those things like you don't headline that show you just go on one of those things, and it's just a thankless fucking job that you have to go on after all of that incredible, like, people just crushing it.

And what was I going to say? And he went out and just fucking destroyed, did the Neil Young Rockin' in a Free World, and then played with that.

Which is the first time I've ever seen him play it live, even though I've heard it 50 million times at every sporting event I went to. Bad Bunny, I saw who I loved, who for some reason I thought was a DJ.
I had no idea. I'm fucking old.
Miley Cyrus killed it. The whole, I know I'm forgetting people.
The whole fucking, um, the whole show, they just murdered. Oh, speaking of which, I had to give somebody a shout out.
You know, I mentioned that I went to, um, I went to Paul McCartney. Josh Adam Myers got me the tickets, but he got them from, um,

from Zach Myers from a band called Shinedown.

So thank you to Zach.

Um,

whether you know it or not,

you got me tickets to a concert that I will never forget.

Um,

this is like,

Oh,

Billy make a wish.

This is like,

this has been like my week.

Um,

just seeing all of these incredible, incredible performers.

So that was Friday night.

And that was in Radio City Music Hall, which I had never been in.

And it was, you know, gorgeous.

I'd never been in this absolute like Art Deco style, which is one of my favorites.

Art Deco and Brutalist architecture.

For some reason, I somehow got into that hardcore into Brutalist architecture.

I don't know why.

I just.

It's like unsettling.

It's, you know, sometimes it's like super, just super fucking ugly.

Like Government Center is a good

example of brutalist architecture and i hate that fucking building where i went to school

umass boston is brutalist but then there's other things like when done right it's um

it's incredible um well jesus bill you just i just described everything

i'll tell you people cooking

when done right is unbelievable but if you go somewhere and they don't know how to cook it's

kind of bad you guys keeping up am i going too fast for you so anyway uh and then last night

i went to the um the snl 50 years celebration and i got to sit in the crowd and i had no pressure and i just got to watch all of these people that i was such a huge huge fan of and as far as like my like sort of comedy undergrad and college degree it started with eddie mur Murphy and Joe Piscopo and all of those guys. It went into the Dennis Miller, you know, John Lovitz, Phil Hartman, Kevin Nealon, all of those guys.
Jan Hooks, all of them into the Sandler one, you know, with Chris, David Spade, Chris Farley, Chris Rock. And then by then I was doing like stand-up.
And, you know, so I missed a lot of the Will Ferrell stuff, but I would always just hear about it. And I would do my best, but I was just always working when they were on.
So I got to see a lot of people that I couldn't, like I was watching Eddie Murphy doing a sketch. I couldn't believe it.
Oh, by the way, Tracy Morgan singing Astronaut Jones was one of my favorite parts of the music one. And then there was this woman that came out.
Oh, God, I'm going to forget her name. I don't even know what style of music.
She had the biggest fucking voice just filling up. I've been meaning to look up her name again and to download her shit.
Whatever, I'm old. Anyway, so I went there last night, and it's literally like, Paul Simon opens, and he was on the first episode ever.
It's Paul Simon. And then Steve Martin does the monologue.
I know you guys probably saw this. Sandler, who just has a fucking heart of gold, sang this incredible song in the middle, got a standing ovation.
I got to see Eddie Murphy do a sketch with Will Ferrell. Oh God, I'm going to forget.
Dude, Meryl Streep crushed. I had no idea she was that funny.
She was fucking hilarious with Kate McKinnon. They were killing it.
The whole thing. And then it ends, and Lil Wayne killed with The Roots, and then it closes out with Paul McCartney, who, what he played on that show was what he played for the encore the night I saw him.
And, um... Oh, you know what was was funny was I was sitting in the crowd, you know, and I got to sit next to Eddie Vedder, who got to be one of the nicest, sweetest human beings I've ever met in my life.
What a fucking sweetheart of a guy. And I got to tell him that story going like, oh man, when you guys came out, like I fucking, I I hated you guys you knocked all my metal bands off the top 10 and he was fucking cracking up I go do you know how long it took me to begrudgingly admit how great your band is he just he was just cool about he's just I was like well I'm glad you came around or whatever and he was actually asking like what metal bands i listened to and shit we got to

talk baseball but oh my god what a fucking sweetheart of a guy super super nice guy um

and i got to meet bonnie right really quickly and uh that was like my my two big like uh

rock star freak outs i had like bonnie rate was sitting in front of me and then uh

uh eddie vetter was on the side and it was just like it was fucking wild i couldn't believe i

I suppose. Rockstar freakouts.
I had like, Bonnie Raitt was sitting in front of me and then Eddie Vedder was on the side and it was just like, it was fucking wild. I couldn't believe I was there.
I'll be honest with you. I could not fucking believe I was there.
And it went by in like two seconds. It really was like a perfect show.
Robert De Niro came out and did a fucking sketch and Debbie Downer. Yeah, I've forgotten more of the legendary shit than I can remember.
It was just, it was a perfect, perfect night. Fucking Keith Richards was there.
I stood up. I was like, oh my God.
Fucking Keith Richards. It was, you had a Rolling Stone and a Beatle there.
I mean, it was just, it was unbelievable. It was un-fucking-believable.
Head spinning. And then I went to the show with Keith Robinson, who was, you know, all-time great ball buster.
So we had a great time just hanging out or whatever. And, uh, you know, he's a super funny dude.
You know, what's great about Keith is because he's so funny, like he can appreciate other people's talent. So it was fun being there at the show with him because we were laughing like, uh, you know, got to be an audience member again, you know, like how I always was.
So, um, thank you to everybody over there for, uh, getting me a ticket to that thing. Um, I mean, I don't know how the hell I'm going to top that.
So I I've done, Oh, Billy make a wish here. I've done so much shit in the first couple of weeks.
Now I feel like I can finally settle down. I went and I got some, uh, this, this, this is not like how fucking lonely I am and why I'm so excited to go home to my family.
Like this is what I did on my Sunday alone with myself. I roasted some garlic and I made my own mayonnaise.
I'm going to say that again

I was all by myself

I roasted some garlic and I made my own mayonnaise and I was and I I gotta be honest with you I am talking to myself at a at a level that's even frightening to me I have had so much fucking alone time I've been I've been you know I'm much better post-mushrooms, you know. Mushrooms really help me out that I make sure, you know, I went to a brunch.
Look at me. I went to brunch and had a good time.
And I went out to Brooklyn with a friend of mine, and we had a great time. And, you know, I was just telling them what Brooklyn used to be like.
I was like, you fucking didn't come to this part of Brooklyn. I cannot believe this.
And we were just, like, walking down to Williamsburg. I go, this looks like Hipster Rodeo Drive.
Like, shit is expensive out there. Anyway, yeah, so, you know, I was trying to find, like, you know what's fucking hilarious, you go to these, you know what's fucking bullshit, these health food stores, you go in there, and they still have, it just says organic on it, it just says zero sugar, and then it says that they added sugar, and then those fucking cunts, they've infiltrated the FDA, so, they're the ones that define what means the people poisoning you define the definition of organic.
They define no added sugar. And they're lying cunts.
So I finally reached out to a friend of mine who's a cook. And I said, how the fuck do you make mayonnaise? And she sent me this video of Julia Child, black and white video, making mayonnaise.
And I was like, oh, I can do that. It's three egg yolks.
It's salt, mustard seed, and then whatever oil you want to use. And that's what I was trying to avoid because all the oils that they were using was this fucking cancer-causing shit.
And I'm an old dad, right? So I can't have that stuff. So I just made it with some avocado oil, white pepper I put in there, juiced it up with a little more salt.
Didn't think it had enough salt. And I mixed it with some tuna with a little bit of celery in it.
Put it on some, you know, just put it on top of some, not iceberg, red leaf lettuce. And I had just raw beets on the side.
That's how I'm fucking eating. Like, I am not fucking around here.
I've had this fucking COVID cunt belly. I said that to the other day.
I said, I'm going to get rid of this COVID weight. Someone goes, COVID was a long time ago.
And I said, I know. I had a kid.
Well, my wife had a kid. But I was responsible.
During COVID. So, like, I never got it off.
So, you know, it was a lot of fucking stress or whatever. And then all of a sudden, you know, yeah, then I did a movie and I had to fucking edit the movie and figure out how to do that.
And I just was sitting around and I just could not get it off. I can't get it off.
So I am determined this time. So I am like, Billy, no bread, no sugars, none of that shit.
And, uh, it's kind of fun when you get off of that stuff and you can kind of eat what used to be bland. And all of a sudden the bland flavors start getting turned up.
Um, they start feeling, they start tasting good. And, uh, so I'm going to go over to my big gay gym, old Billy Ally.
But I know like the times when my gym is like crowded, you can't go there on like Saturday around 10 or 11 in the morning. All the boys are getting their pump before they fucking they go go out that night.
It's like fucking Thunderdome in there. I just, you know, I fucking hate having to like weight and all of that shit, you know, and I'm doing an old man work.
I do two sets, two sets, light fucking weight, you know, just doing the reps so everything doesn't sag down to the floor. That's all I'm trying to do.
You know what I mean? Flat stomach. Just trying to be toned.
Right? And it's just fucking, you know, it's a madhouse in there. But, like, Sundays are good because everybody's, like, fucking hung over.
You know, did Molly, whatever the fuck they do. Right? And I can go in there and, like, I don't have a problem.
So, and then, like, weekdays,days, if I get like a late call to rehearsal, I can go in there and I can knock it out. But, um, it's a fucking great gym.
Really is a great gym. Um, anyway, uh, plowing ahead.
What else did I want to talk about? Oh, Oh, Billy guitar center. I went in there and I found, uh, I was was like do you guys have any left-handed guitars they're like uh you know i wanted to get like an acoustic so they had like this little like 350 fucking acoustic it was funny they had a 350 guitar or a fucking four thousand dollar guitar so i'm like all right let me try out both of them want to see what is the difference.
I'm going to be honest with you. I couldn't really tell the difference.
The $4,000 one versus the $350 one felt like a $500 guitar. Six, 700 bucks.
It didn't feel like this. Like this is four grand.
I don't feel myself getting, I don't feel like I know anything more about music with this ridiculously expensive one. So I got other one it was cool it's got a little plug in and shit and i got this thing that my buddy sent me dave kushner who has a master class uh of guitar theory shred in the box and all of that stuff you got to check that out dave kushner.com um he sent me this thing the fender tone master and uh it.
And it doesn't have a speaker, but it has like headphones. You just plug in there and it's just with the turn of a dial, you get all these different like distortion pedals and shit.
And it's fucking great. I'm having like the time of life.
I got this, you know, I got a halfway decent flat screen TV here at the corporate apartment I'm staying up in. And I have not had that fucking, I have not watched TV.
Like I come home, I, you know, after my rehearsals, I go to my big gay gym, you know, I try to stay positive about how I look, right? Maybe that's why so many people are homophobic. Are they really like, is it really the sex thing? Or are they just fucking jealous of how good a shape gay guys are? Oh, shit.
It's a big old gay gym, and I love it. It's hilarious.

I went in there the other day.

You know when somebody has the pulleys, and they work in their chest,

and then you cross your arms like an X in front of you,

and then you come back out again?

I saw a guy doing that in a crop top.

Fucking amazing. Anyway.
fucking amazing um anyway um what else yeah so i've been doing that and getting out doing some sets and uh i don't know the big thing is i'm so excited to see my family this weekend i cannot fucking wait like i am like freaking the fuck out about that it's gonna be awesome and um oh god i can't wait i cannot wait so um you know i got these little breaks here so facetime has been like insane like i'm getting this insane like uh you know i'm a lunatic i was saying you know i'm one of those dads i'm fucking like chasing you around the house, fucking wrestling. Let's go play soccer, shoot some hoops.
Let's play some drums, you know, let's get in the cargo for a drive, you know? And I was thinking like, oh yeah, you know, I'm this fucking great. I mean, that is great.
But like most of the reason why I'm doing that is because I can't fucking sit still, you know, as much as the kids like it and everything. And like, um, but because, you know, I'm not there and I just talked to him on FaceTime, it sort of quieted my brain and I'm having these epic conversations with my daughter and even my son now.
You know, it's funny, like, you know, girls just, you know, can talk better, you know, they just can shoot the breeze. And my son is funny.
He just always walks up to the screen, you know, puts his face right in it. So I see like half his forehead, an eyeball and a cheek.
And he's just like, dad, when are you coming home? And he just walks away. So, um, but I, I play a game with him that makes him laugh, you know? All right.
Would you rather have pancakes or waffles? And then they pick, and then you're not allowed to say Pepsi. Cause I, you know, I hate Pepsi, but I just, I play, I play up how much I hate Pepsi.
So every once in a while, I'll be like, do you like pancakes or waffles? And I'll go Pepsi just to watch me, you know, flip out and put my face up near the screen and act like, you know, I'm arguing a call Earl Weaver on him you know he seems to love that so um anyway uh I gotta be honest with you I was really nervous about this whole thing about being away from my family and everything and it's actually been really good and my wife has been crushing it and um and we have all these built in like visits and everything. so i'll never go more than a couple of weeks without seeing them so it's it's it's gonna be uh we're gonna pull it off we're gonna pull it off so i'm very excited about that all right and with that let me do some of the uh some of the reads here um for the week let's see what do do I got here? Oh, Simply Safe, everybody.
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All right.

Now we're into you guys.

Now it's finally your turn.

All right.

How are you guys doing this week?

Did you let them divide you? Did you go a week without trashing another american you know that that's my mission i want to i gotta bring people we gotta get you know all of us regular thinking people okay we gotta bring the boiling water down to a nice little simmer here all right fuck all these lunatics on the. Fuck all these lunatics on the far right.
Right? The far left and the far right. Okay, have gotten us here.
You need to be a calming force. Help out your neighbor.
Just bring a good vibe into the coffee shop. Make the person making your coffee smile.
Just because we're living in this fucking lunatic time of the last, I don't know, 10 years of psycho left and psycho right doesn't mean it has to affect your vibe. You can still go out and be a cool person.
You know what you can do? You have the power to do. You can like every state in your country, especially the ones you've never been to.
Don't let someone else make your mind up about what a state is or isn't. I've been to them all.
I've had a great time in every single one of them. I've never gone to a state and been like, this state sucks.
Unless I went there with a predetermined, when I was younger, attitude like, oh, fuck, I'm going out to this place. This place is going to suck.
But once I started going out there being like, no, I'm going to have a good fucking time. I started going to sporting events when I was on the road.
And I started doing this thing. You know, I finally woke up and be like, there's no way people would live here if it sucked.
You know, or even if it's going through a bad economic downturn, it's not these people's fault. And they're people, so they're going to want to have fun somewhere.
What do they do to have fun? And that's when it all fucking turned around. And I was like, oh, all right, you can have fun wherever you are, and everybody's fucking cool.
Wouldn't that be better? Can you imagine if Democrats or Republicans just said that? Imagine if they just said that. Wouldn't that be fun? Instead of stirring everybody up every five fucking seconds.
All right. Missandry.
Missandry. Dear Bill, in the latest podcast of the Monday Morning Podcast, you mentioned there is a word for the opposite of misogyny, where women hate men but couldn't recall what it was, other than the fact it starts with M.
It's misandry. Incidentally, initially I commented on the episode in Spotify just the word misandry.
24 hours later, it's still pending review like it's a curse word.

Wow. Lesson learned.
I'll just email you instead from now on. Thanks for always being there when I need you.
You can't even write the word misandry? I'll tell you what's funny. I made fun of the fucking Twitter guy for fucking Sieg Heiling, not once but twice.
And I never look at my emails. I was scrolling through my emails and it said my Twitter account had been flagged for inappropriate.
I don't even tweet anymore. It had been flagged for, what a fucking baby, just like Hitler, a fucking baby.
Cause that's another thing. All of these people that are into fucking Hitler, you know what I mean? And like, like, like look at this guy like he was some sort of fucking hero the guy's one of the biggest fucking cowards ever all the pain and all the suffering that that guy's caused and the war crimes the the allies had to commit firebombing fucking cities to get that motherfucker when it came time for him to pay the price for all the suffering he caused millions and millions and millions of people.
Did he face the music? Nope. He gave himself a nice, quick, painless fucking death.
That's your fucking hero. Fucking coward is what he was.
Should have faced the fucking music and he didn't um anyway this is the world we live in where you got to remind people that that guy was a bad guy that destroyed millions of people's lives families and his own country his own countryman paid the price for what he did he he fucking he he this is another Oh, that guy went straight to hell. It's like, how does he go straight to hell? What does God say about that? He made that guy.
I just don't understand that. Like, how he gets absolved of that.
God created everything. Yes, including Adolf Hitler.
He really did create us in his image. Like us, he is also not perfect.
He fucking, he goes down fucking looking every once in a while. All right.
Beatles B-sides. How about the fact that the Twitter guy is, he's not even from here.
He's from South Africa. He comes to this country and wants to turn it into a fucking dictatorship.
He doesn't feel that we deserve democracy. Can you just imagine doing that? Going to another country and just deciding, yeah, you know what? I'm going to change this form of government because I've decided.
Yeah, he doesn't mind living under a dictatorship as long as he's on the good side of it. Fucking laminated face, cunt.
Hey, oh, now what are you going to do? Re-flag my account? hey oh

blah Billy re-flag my account.

Hey, oh, blah, Billy D.

Oh, blah, Billy D.

Oh, blah, Billy Da.

All right, next time you need some music,

pull up a Beatles album and listen to the B-sides.

There are so many good tracks,

like the one your dude, Andrew,

last week's Fixing a Hole,

an example of a McCartney tune that's kind of quirky um yeah that just yeah I I um I want to say I've heard all of this stuff I I'll listen to that maybe I'll listen to that when I go to the gym here get my fucking my Beatles fix here B-sides um it's kind of hard to fucking work out to the beatles though you know trying to bench press once there was a way to get back home again i'd like to go home have a fucking peanut butter and chili sandwich instead of finishing these last reps um there are so many good things are so many good songs that have strange arrangements and chord progressions that shouldn't work as well as they do, but end up being really inspiring. You know what I was doing the other day? Speaking of that, I was fucking around just with major chords and lifting a finger off or adding one and just getting these different sounds.
And I ended up figuring out a little of the beginning of, uh, 10 years gone by Led Zeppelin.

It's just an A fucking around with an A and moving it up a little bit.

And then just picking the strings. And I was so fucking excited.

And then I couldn't figure out the rest. And I was so fucking excited.
And then I couldn't figure out the rest and I went on YouTube. And that's why I'm a comedian.
There are so many good songs. Okay.
One of the things I've been doing lately is going back to all the albums I had on CD in the 90s. Certain albums I would listen to every track,

but a few I only stuck to the hit or hits

because they didn't play as well for a sixth grader,

but are enjoyable now.

Isn't that the truth?

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

That's one of my favorite things to do,

is, you know,

go back and like whatever song I like. Like maybe I like one song from an artist.
And I think, well, they wrote that song during that period. I wonder what that album sounds like.
And then you go to Apple. And then for whatever fucking reason, every album now has to be like an hour and 15 minutes long with all these bonus tracks and different takes of shit.
It's just like, I don't need all of this. The artists didn't want all of this put out.
They just wanted this. I don't need all of this extra fucking music.
So I really try to make sure, like, you just get the original, how the label wanted it, because the label was also like, we're not putting all this shit out, fucking, you know, anywhere from 35 to 42 minutes, that's a fucking album, get in and get out, leave them wanting more, they want more, they'll go see you in concert when you tour. Anyway, so...
What was I going to say? Oh, God. I started a little debate here where I was making fun of people that wear shorts in the wintertime, which nobody wore shorts in the wintertime when I was growing.
That started somewhere in the 2000s. And I know people ran hot back in the day, so I don't know what was going on.

Anyway, hey, Billy. Hey there, Billy Ball Sweat.
Fatty McBeard here. And I wear shorts in the winter.
It usually depends on wind chill and if it's sunny or not. But ultimately, I hate wearing pants.
I'm a fat

mailman, 210 pounds.

I guess is past

bad day dad,

bad bod. Ultimately, I hate wearing pants.
I'm a fat male man, 210 pounds.

I guess is past bad day, dad, bad bod.

Fuck.

Dude, I got some form of dyslexia.

And the letters don't move around, but the words do.

210 pounds, I guess is past dad bod limits.

Yeah, just to let you know, what I learned going to the doctor is 30 pounds over your weight is you're obese um so i i would have to know how tall you are uh had a lady on the route come up to me once in winter and said in a sarcastic tone guess you run hot she knelt down and touched my calf and said said, oh damn, you do. Gross.
I said, well, yeah. I walk about 10 miles a day.
The hell do you expect? Weird as shit to just touch a stranger at all, let alone someone's legs. Yeah, 100%.
100%. I've been there.
Try having a bald head. People just touch it.
I do run hot and blast the AC after 75 degrees. All right, you're doing your part for global warming.
Summers are good for short skirts and fireworks, and that's fucking it. Love you muchacho.
And go fuck yourself. Yeah alright.
I mean. Alright I should have.
I guess if you're working outside. You know what I mean.
I'm just talking about people who just walk into a bar. And they show up wearing shorts.
And then we have all suffer through the, oh my God, you're wearing shorts. That's stupid fucking conversation every fucking time.
I don't know. I just, like I said, I grew up around narcissists, so I'm always like hypersensitive to like, you know, that type of shit.
You know, I don't like the Beatles. You don't like the Beatles? How can you not like them? You know, like those, I don't like what everybody likes.
However, I do like what everybody hates. You ever been in a bar with that person? And you just watch it.
It's an amazing thing to do. And you see the circle, the focus never leaves that person.
And at first you're thinking like, all right, well, maybe this person, well, they're interesting. They're wired differently.
They have different tastes than the mainstream. You know, this person's thinking outside the box.
But after like, you know, the 47th, 48th fucking thing in a row. No, I like a little mold on my cottage cheese.
What? You start to figure it out like, oh, no, you just like people talking to you. All right.
Men at work in shorts. Dear B-I-L-L, cool jizz.
I don't get that one. Men at work.
Be good, be good. Is that B-I-L-L? No.
B-I-L-L Cool Jizz. Men at work.
All right, there's Be Good Johnny. Vegemite Sandwich.
How does that one go? I come from a land down under. I don't know what you're trying to do there, but I know it's a good joke.
It's just it's over my head here. You want to tell me who the fuck decided it was acceptable for the young men of this country to show up to work wearing women's shorts? I don't know.
I mean, it all started with dress down Fridays. That was the end of fucking class in this country.
The ones that are cut so you can see the bottom of the butt cheek. What? We're in a factory for Christ's sake.
20 years ago, everyone showed up to work wearing work clothes and go home wearing dirty work clothes. By 10 a.m., most of us were covered in grease,

grinding grit, metal chips, or chemicals.

Now they show up to work wearing cozy pajama bottoms.

Isn't that nervous?

Nervous.

Isn't that, like, dangerous to fucking wear loose clothing around machinery?

It's funny I said nervous.

It was my homophobia coming out.

This guy's wearing fucking pajama hot pants. Making me a little nervous there.
Now they show up. Okay, wearing...
Cozy pajama bottoms or technical exercising gear and sit around staring at their phones all day, recovering from their workout. Why am I forced to not only do your job, but also look at your bare thighs while I'm doing it? Hey, Bill.
Oh, Billy, back in my day, tell me when it became acceptable for men to get thigh tattoos and display them in public, which is gayer, which is gayer, the pistol on the front of the thigh or the matching trees inside of ovals on the back of the thigh bones. Fuck all of them with their temperature regulated sperms and go fuck yourself because this generation is fucked.
Don't even get me started on the cowboy boots. Yeah, well, you know something.
All right. As far as the dress, I feel like that started with dress down Fridays.
And then after like covid, so many people are like working from home or working from home. Then I just think it became even more casual.
And then as far as like all this, like wildly, like gay ways that straight men dress now and paint their nails and shit. I think that always existed.
It just was suppressed. Like back then you couldn't do that.
So what you're really seeing now is that like um because when we were growing up you either you were either gay or straight and now you're seeing like no there's this whole fucking spectrum so um i don't know like i was always of the fact i was always of the school that you're going to work and you dress in a way, like you shouldn't be going to work with your fucking butt cheeks hanging out, regardless, man, woman, or anything. You know, work's not going to be getting done if people are doing that.
Okay, you come to work, especially if you're working in a fucking factory, you dress like you're going to work in a goddamn factory. All right? You want to express it after fuck we're here to do a goddamn job right so it there should be well you know it there's like an overcorrection so what you have to understand is our generation you know if you think this generation is fucked that's because of our generation and the generations before we created this suppressed environment that when it finally gets let out, you know, it's like this explosion, you know, like blood splatter, you know, in a murder scene.
It goes all over the walls and the ceiling. So it's going to be blown out a little bit before it gets reeled back in.
There's always an over correction before the correction. So we're in a little over correction over correction you know I don't think you should be wearing pajamas to work if I was if that was my job I'd be like dude like do you want to take a nap or did you come here to fucking work you know and I don't give a fuck what your affliction is and all your issues and what you're traumatized by and all of that that you that's for you on your own time okay you think i don't have fucking trauma i'm you suppress it for eight hours you come in here we get the fucking job done we all get paid and then we go home and then you can fucking you know do whatever the hell you want to do i think that's okay right i don't mind if you come to work with your nails painted, but, you know, put your booty cheeks away.

That's a nice compromise, right? You're around heavy machinery, for God's sakes. Anyway, father of Tom Girl.
Dear Billy, twice times. I started to write a whole rant about how adults keep fucking with children and don't let them grow up without constantly prodding them with adult issues.
But I would agree with that. Or you politicize your kid.
I remember going one time I was voting. Right.
And I saw some like little girl there, four or five years old. And she had a T-shirt on that said the future is feminine you know like that was her her thought it's like no you're your parents are politicizing you can't that kid just fucking you know run around with like a fucking mighty mouse or tom and jerry show whatever the fucking kids are watching today paw patrol i recall you saying on a podcast that your daughters have some of the same opinions about things like wearing a dress as my daughter.
I'm choosing to do the only thing to which is just to let my daughter grow up and make her own choices. Yeah, as long as I'm making choices that aren't going to hurt them, if they're deciding that they're going to try to jump down all the stairs, I'm going to stop that if I'm there.
Because there's this other side of like, you know, people talking about like how you don't see kids with broken arms anymore. Like that's a bad thing.
It's like, no, I think that's a good thing. There's nothing wrong.
Your kid doesn't need to break a bone to learn something. you know you gotta let him touch the hot stove

my wife is playing basketball in college. This is still the same email.
And it's a striking beauty who's completely feminine. When she was a little girl, she hated girly things, but no one started asking her ridiculous questions.
A six-year-old't be able to answer, like being born in the wrong body and all of that. Yeah, exactly.
The kid's six years old. It's probably just a tomboy.
If you look at the statistics, it's way more likely that they're just a tomboy. Don't start making fucking decisions for your kid.
You know, way before they really know what's going on. They say the human brain doesn't fully develop until they're 25.
So I wouldn't be doing anything that would be making a permanent fucking change in somebody's body before they fucking really knew. I mean, that's just common sense.
But somehow during, you know, these extreme times that becomes like, oh my God, you're fucking something phobic. I'm like, no, I'm just, you know, doing what feels right.
If that's okay with my own kid, is that all right with you? How are you still liberal if you're telling me what to do with my kid? So we're just going about our lives, raising our daughter to be loving and smart. Yeah, that's great.
Here comes the guidance counselor now. My daughter's friend at school was being mean to some girls in her class.
The teacher brought my daughter into the guidance counselor, assuming she had something to do with the whole situation. Fair enough.
My daughter explained that she had nothing to do with her friend being mean to the and the whole thing was settled and all the kids are fine. Cut to a week later my daughter tells me the guidance counselor asked her to the office.
She asked a lot of normal follow-up questions according to my daughter to make sure the kids were getting along. Then my daughter tells me that the guidance counselor asked her at the end of the meeting if she had any questions about, and I quote, her body and how she felt in it.
Jesus fucking Christ. My daughter comes home and tells us all of this and bless her soul, answered no and proceeded to tell her about how she can almost touch the rim of my kid size hoop on the driveway.
Yeah, this is like, you know, you can, that's the thing. It's a six year old.
You can put an idea in their head that they didn't have before. Like they're wired to please adults.
You know what I mean? They run on praise. Now cut to my wife and I, 35 years old, college educated, black athlete, contemplating why a 60-year-old white woman with giant beads around her neck is asking my six-year-old daughter about her body.
Yeah, that's beyond an overstep. Just like the beginning of this email, I'll spare the rant because I think you know where it's going.
You can imagine how we felt and my problem with this. Yeah, and you know what they thought? They probably just thought you were transphobic.
They didn't think that they had crossed the fucking line. That is wildly inappropriate in my world.
Did my daughter say anything like that? Did my kids say anything like that? Why are you like doing that? You know, what are you going to do next? Do you have any, you know, do you think you have any addiction issues? You know, when you eat a sugary cereal, do you feel like you can't stop? No, I was just trying to determine if your kid was going to be an alcoholic. Not comparing that to that, but I'm just saying, you know what I mean? It's just like, what the fuck are you doing? The kids were fighting.
You figured out how not to make

them fight. That's the end of it.
Now you're going to go in and you're going to do all of this other

shit. Maybe the counselor has issues with her body or his body or whatever.
And then you're

going to put it on them. Like I have fucking anger issues.
I don't put that on my kids. Do you find yourself yelling at people, you know, when you're driving the car, you don't fucking drive yet? Yeah, I agree with you 100%.
You got to let them be kids. And all of that stuff later, you know, if it comes out and that's the way they are, you accept them for how they are and you let them figure it out.
It's okay to let them figure it out. You don't have to try and figure it out for them.
Let them fucking figure it out. That's what everybody does.
Everybody has to figure out who the fuck they are. All right.
and then all you do is just be cool with somebody figuring it out but you don't fucking try to help them figure out themselves you don't even know who the fuck they are and start leading them down a road they didn't even want to be on that doesn't make any fucking sense anyway my wife wants to go to the school and have a talk with the guidance counselor. I think we should too.

I don't want to ask anyone in my family because I'm pretty sure my wife's mother would go down there herself and pin that hag against the wall.

So I'm asking you, Billy, the wise, what should we do?

We're definitely speaking to the school and make sure they don't call her to the guidance counselor ever again.

She's never allowed to be alone with my daughter.

Yeah, I mean, you're setting up healthy boundaries and that's your kid. And if that's how you want to raise your kid, that's it.
They're there to educate your kid, not to get involved with their sex life or their identity or anything. I think that's wildly inappropriate.
You know, I don't want them down there teaching them religious shit. I don't want them down there teaching them politics.
I don't need them down there, you know, speaking about sexuality or any of that. Two plus two is four.
That's what the fuck you're there for. I'll handle all of this other shit.
Yeah, I, yeah, I, I, I believe, I mean, I, I'm still of the thing, you, you know, you don't bring up fucking, you know, you go to a party, you don't fucking bring up politics or religion, you're just going to lead to like arguments. you know i don't know i'm also 56 so this is my fucking mindset you know so i i i imagine

how i think there could be some adjustments to go a little more the other way, but like that works fucking both ways. So my, my guidance to you, um, Oh, this is still going.
I have a lot of feelings about the racial implications here, which I know will scare the Meryl Streep right out of this woman. I mean, I mean by this, assuming a little girl who wears a big t-shirt is only doing so because she's confused and not because she sees how her uncle dresses or cultural or the cultural cultural she has no understanding of.
Sorry for being long winded. Thanks for the help.
Um, all right, what I've learned in these situations, if you're going to go down there and talk to this person, which I think is great, because if somebody's crossing a fucking line with your kid that you don't like, you 100% as a parent go down and fucking take care of that shit. What I've learned is you just can't lose your cool.
You have to stick to the fucking facts. You cannot get emotional.
And certainly as a black person talking to somebody white, you know what happens if you lose your fucking temper, regardless of how much of a cunt the white person's going to be. It's going to go back.
Oh, the angry black man, the angry black woman, the data, it's going to go into that fucking world. So, you know, as always, as a black person, you're going to have to go an extra fucking 90 yards to keep your cool than I would have to.

But like, I would just you just got to keep it like, you know, I would like to discuss this.

I would appreciate it if the future you don't discuss things like that.

OK, I don't feel comfortable with that. You know, I, you know what? Maybe start with the praise.
You guys did a great job with the whole bullying thing. It was a fantastic job.
I don't want my kid involved in that stuff. I don't want that happening to my kids.
So kudos there. All right.
However, you know, when you started doing this, you know, asking if she feels comfortable in her own body, um, that I, I don't, Oh God, how do you, how do you, how do you say that? I don't know, but I gave you the lead in, I gave you, I gave you the lead in it at least, but like, uh, yeah. So, you know, and if they like push back, you're just going to have to fucking, as always keep your fucking cool.
And then just be like, listen, okay, this is my kid. It's not your kid.
All right. I'm, I respect your opinion.
I don't agree with it. So I'm not asking you this.
I didn't come down to ask you if you'd stop doing this. I'm telling you to stop doing this.
Okay. I've come in here.
I'm nice, respectable tone. I complimented you when I came in here with your work.
I think you're doing a great job. However, like all human beings, we all make mistakes.
And what you did with my daughter was a mistake.

And I don't want the mistake repeated.

Okay?

There.

There you go.

And that's it.

That's it.

All right?

Yeah, that's it.

Why is this so hard? Anyways, all right, that is the podcast, all right? So that's it. Don't fucking watch the news.
Don't listen to these assholes. Don't let them make your water boil, all right? We got to simmer this thing down.
This is not good for the country, people. We cannot have states hating other states.
We can't let these fucking selfish billionaires who have no affiliation to any sort of political party or ideology.

They're just selfish, greedy sociopaths

that God, for whatever reason,

decided to make for his own fucking entertainment.

There's no fucking reason why

you have to let them get you all stirred up, all right?

We're all on the same fucking team.

And with that, go fuck yourselves.

I'll talk to you on Thursday.