'Becoming Led Zeppelin', Paul McCartney, Steam Rooms | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-13-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in, checking in on you. Jesus Christ, what a fucking week I'm having.
Jesus Christ. Dude, I had the fucking hiccups for like two days and I'm not saying they won't happen right now.
All right, so get ready.

How's that for a teaser? Oh my God, am I going to hear some hiccups? Have I tuned into the

fucking perfect podcast or what? Evidently, you can't have a couple cups of coffee and then

balsamic vinaigrette two days in a row. I didn't know balsamic vinaigrette was acidic.
And I didn't even know what the fuck was going on. And they just wouldn't stop.
To the point I was at rehearsal doing my shit with the hiccups. I did interviews with the hiccups to promote my shit that I was doing with the hiccups.
I was waking up in the middle of the night with the hiccups. I feel like I'm going to get the hiccups again right now, so I have to drink some fucking water to try to keep this shit down.
I had to go to the doctor, the whole fucking thing. And I started thinking about it.
I remember when I was a kid, when I was just a lad, one of the most amazing books when I was a kid was the Guinness Book of World Records. And he'd always look for the fattest guy you know then they had the fat twins on the uh the mini bikes the tallest man and all of that the longest fingernails all this stupid shit and then one of them was the world record for the the longest hiccups and this poor bastard had hiccups like he got him and then just had him for the rest of his life like decades this fucking guy had hiccups um and had the intestinal fortitude to not kill himself At Like, I don't know, at what point? At what point? Your diaphragm is fucking feeling like, you know, your organs are doing sit-ups, right? You definitely got a nickname.
You know? You know, Billy Jumpstart. It'd be something.
So I finally went to the doctor, something German-Irish people do not do. But I was being smart, and I went there, and the lady told me what was up and got me some over-the-counter shit that I'm supposed to take for like a week.
And evidently, I'll be all right. So just laying off the coffee, the balsamic vinaigrette, no pasta, you know, red sauce, basically, right? That's acidic tomatoes.
Eat some fucking root vegetables and see what the hell happened. But the last time I had heartburn like this was me and Verzi were doing a gig in New Orleans.
And we had the gig on Friday at the casino. On Saturday, we went to the LSU-Alabama game in Death Valley.

Then we hung around Sunday.

And then on Monday, we went to Monday night, the New Orleans Saints versus the Philadelphia Eagles.

Your Super Bowl champion, Philadelphia Eagles, who should have fucking won two of the last three. Think about that.
They should have won two of the last three. That fucking hand on the small of that fucking dude's back, and they called that holding and put the fucking Chiefs, I swear to God.
If I was the Chiefs, you know,

even though they didn't give many calls the other day,

because they actually said,

all right, you have to win this football game legitimately, they should have sent them a thank you letter

for all the calls they got the last few years,

and they should have had that Bette Midler song underneath it,

you are the wind beneath my wings. Midler song underneath it, You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings.
And just show a highlight of throwing or picking up flags in these crucial moments. Did you ever know that you're my hero? By the way, I stand by Travis Kelsey's outfit.
I stand by that. A hundred fucking percent.
A hundred percent I stand by that fucking outfit. That outfit was the shit.
And I think it's stupid that they do this whole fashion thing or whatever. But, you know.

I mean, that outfit just said cocaine.

I mean, you know, I like when people steer into it rather than go away.

Don't fucking show up trying to be wholesome.

Show me how filthy the world is. All right? Show me how there's two sets, if not three sets of rules out there.
Show me how. Don't fucking come up there like you're going to do the Lawrence Welk show, huh? Nice reference there.
50 years old. All right.
I had one of the most incredible fucking weeks. I don't know where to start as far as just like going out and seeing shit.
I went out and I saw that Becoming Led Zeppelin movie where if you're a John Bonham fanatic like I am, there's very, very, very, very little.

There's like one black and white video that has him talking.

I think it's him and Robert Plant early in their career.

And he just didn't want to do it.

You know, the press used to rip him to shreds and everything. So I think he was just like, I don't fuck fuck these guys right i don't need them we're selling out arenas you know that's it right so um there's a bunch of new stuff in there because they found some interview that he did just the audio of it and i'm telling you just to hear his voice just to hear him talking to hear him laughing to know what his laugh sounds like um and there's there's there's a laugh at like on the second side of the physical graffiti album and now after all these years i always wondered who it was and i'm like oh my god that's bonham's laugh and they have pictures of him when he was a kid um you know he was kind of like a fat kid when he was growing up so it kind of made sense you know when he got older that he kind of was going in that direction again now had people known about addiction and alcoholism and all of that they could have had like an intervention people just didn't know how to help people um they could have got to the root of the problem that you know he was a great dad and he missed his family and he gets sad and he would drink like that's basically what it was and as far as what look obviously i don't know the real answer but like i feel like that's what happened on that night when he um what did they say you know death by misadventure when he drank too much got sick in his sleep and asphyxiated i just think the thought of going back out on the road again and being away from his family because there's pictures there um and a couple little video things of him with his son and uh i don't know i could always tell like a good dad because you know the kids are really physical with them like crawling all over them and they're like sort of like fake wrestling with them and stuff like that um to me that's always that shows me that the dad is involved that um you know the kids crawling all over you and stuff like that that means you're doing the dad thing

you're getting down on the floor with them you know what i mean you're recreating wrestlemania you're coming up with you know chasing around and all of that stuff so it's really really cool to see that part of him and then also to hear these guys talking about um

his playing

in some of the footage

and stuff

it's uh

it's uh

it's really fucking cool um anyway so i saw that tuesday night and then last night um

out of nowhere my buddy uh josh adam meyers goes dude paul mccartney is playing the bowery ballroom

Thank you. Out of nowhere, my buddy Josh Adam Myers goes,

dude, Paul McCartney is playing the Bowery Ballroom.

It's like a 600-seater.

Do you want to go?

And I'd never seen him.

And I'm like, it's a Beatle.

I got to fucking go.

So we end up going down there.

And it was sort of a last-second show. And you couldn't get tickets online.
You had to go down there and physically buy them. And I don't think a lot of people heard about it or whatever, but, like, it was, like, it was full, but it wasn't, like, jammed.
Maybe they listened to the fire code. So we were standing on the floor down below, it wasn't like suffocating you know and he comes out with this killer band you know finally got to see abe on drums who's just a killer fucking drummer having so much fun um and uh they came out it's paul mccartney and i'm standing like

i couldn't have been more than you know 40 50 feet away from him

you know like if it was like a regular giant arena i would have been like 10th row it was crazy

and he just comes out and just boom goes right in can't buy me love and it was just like oh my god

Oh my God. Oh, my God.
He's singing a Beatle. A Beatle is singing a Beatles song to me 50 feet away from me.
And every song sounded great. Like, even the stuff I wasn't familiar with, his newer stuff or um he played let's see okay let's go through the beatles stuff he played can't buy me love um baby you can drop my cup people went fucking nuts and there's all these young people there and they were like jumping up and down and stuff like going crazy it was incredible.
He played Blackbird. Oh, my God, I'm going blank.
Let It Be, Hey Jude. And then he came out and he played that whole medley.
Like, boy, you're gonna carry that weight.

And then, are you gonna be in my dreams tonight?

And then Abe played the drum solo. Do-do-do-do-do.

they went into that and then closed with the final part and in the end and then he played some like pa McCartney in Wings um um I got to get you into my life it was unbelievable and he sounded incredible he sounded incredible and then beyond that he was hilarious in between songs like just going back and forth with the crowd um really really really funny but um I am so like thankful that I got to see him and then also just as somebody you know who goes on stage too to see a guy 82 years old with that amount of energy still killing it that hard and having that much fun is, it's just a great thing to see.

You know what I mean?

You don't want to go there and fucking see somebody up there because they got fucking tax problems and shit.

And just, you know, I don't know.

Like, we've all been to those shows where you go to,

like, I always said that.

You go to see an older entertainer,

one of two things is going to happen.

You're really going to be thinking about your own mortality.

Some of them make you think about dying

and the others make, you know, a very rare few make you feel about going out and living. And Paul McCartney, thank God, made me want to go out and live.
Uh-oh, here come the hiccups. Ah, fuck, here we go.
It's starting. I was hoping I could get through this whole thing but you know what they're not as bad as they were so i don't think i'm gonna be setting any sort of guinness book of world record thing anymore so anyway yeah um oh and then like you know up on the uh the balcony, there was all these famous people that had come in to go check them out.
And musicians and comedians. I saw an NFL owner up there.
I don't want to fucking rat anybody. I don't like saying names or whatever but like um actors actresses or whatever i still

understand why you can't say actress like why is actress offensive you know what i mean

you're one of the you're a if you're a fucking incredible actress the fuck did you say

you know i I don't know.

There's a couple I never understood.

Actress is offensive.

Stewardess is offensive.

And then they come with flight attendant.

Stewardess sounds more like mysterious.

Like, I don't know what... Flight attendant attendant they're just saying what you're doing you're attending the flight we know what you're doing why are you so ashamed of it um little people is that better i get not wanting to be called a midget

once they said what it was and where it came from.

It's like, I get that.

They couldn't come up with something better than little people?

See if I can...

I don't know.

Off the top of my head, I probably can't do better.

Little people.

Second string.

No, that's still insulting. I don't know, man.
Maybe that's tough. Anyway.
Well, listen. If they were the ones who actually came up with it you know they had like a meeting you know what i mean they had a little meeting sorry it's just easy jokes anyway plowing ahead um so i i got to see those two things and then i saw highlights highlights of the Super Bowl.
Jesus Christ. That was a mugging.
Anyway, at some point I'm going to watch that. I'm sure the NFL Network is going to have it on or I'll be able to watch it.
It's going to be great. Somebody's going gonna post it without the fucking commercials which will be fantastic and um i don't know you know it's a bad super bowl when most of the uh controversy is about the halftime show you know what i mean i guess it was people upset that they they felt like they couldn't understand kendrick blumar um i did see some funny fucking videos though where they were like you know middle-aged white people saying they couldn't understand Kendrick Lamar.
I did see some funny fucking videos, though,

where they were like, you know,

middle-aged white people saying they can't understand Kendrick Lamar,

but they understand this, and then they show Eddie Vedder singing.

I mean, that one fucking song.

What is that one song?

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Somebody made a whole video of it.

And it just makes it seem like he's singing these people's songs off of their IDs, just their names.

Sorry, not singing these songs, singing their names off their IDs.

But then somebody had a funny comment in the section going,

it's not Pearl Jam white people who are saying that they can't understand Kendrick Lamar.

All right.

Well, there's so much shit I want to tell you guys about,

but I just, I can't fucking talk about it until the shit is over.

That's just how it fucking works.

I'm going to, at some point, tell you an absolutely fucking hilarious story

I'm going to go ahead and get it. the shit is over that's just how it fucking works um i'm gonna at some point tell you an absolutely fucking hilarious story about trying to find a gym to work out in in new york city um ah fuck it i'm gonna tell you a little bit about it you know i love taking steams and i love going into the fucking sauna.
You know what I mean? It's really good for you. There's, there's studies out there.
Studies have said that it's great for your heart. And it really, you know, if you do it a couple of times a week, it really staves off like heart disease.
All right. I'm an old dad.
This is an important thing for me, but like you just you cannot use a steam room or a dry sauna in a gym. You can do it at a spa.
I feel if there's a lot of women there. in couples you can use it or you can use it at a hotel but you in no way shape or form can use

a sauna or a fucking steam room at a gym because there's going to be two guys in there having a fucking sword fight or they just did. And there's a fucking sign outside the thing and the place is temporarily closed.
You cannot fucking believe how many fucking gyms we were trying to find.

And there would be like a sign where it would just say like, uh, the steam room do the steam room is closed indefinitely due to ongoing, um, inappropriate behavior. And it's just like, for the

fucking life of me,

I don't understand

why anybody

in any way, gay or straight,

would want to have fucking sex in a

fucking steam room.

The fungus, the athlete's foot,

the planter's wart, the fucking

shit that you can get off of that floor. You taking your dick out? Not only will I not go into a sauna without flip-flops on, I won't go in there unless they're mine.
My flip-flops. I'm not even using the other ones because I don't trust that they fucking wash the other ones properly.
So, I don't know. I just think I'm convinced that that's all just closeted married guys.
You know what I mean? I mean, Jesus fucking Christ, what are you doing? I don't know. Maybe some people get turned on with the idea of fucking in the rainforest.
Is that what it is? And you just don't have the money to go down there with somebody or you don't want to deal with the wildlife, you know, being in the middle of having sex with whatever the hell you're into. And all of a sudden, some jaguar jumps on your back or a fucking anaconda.
I don't know. I don't get it.
But I really feel like if because other people are fucking have an inappropriate, you know, behavior in the sauna that like everyone else who's not fucking in the sauna should get a discount. Because part of my the fee for working out there is is fucking that you you get, you know, you gave me the tour.
You said there's a sauna and a dry sauna. You know? You didn't say, if you could just fucking somehow navigate whatever the fucking appropriate behavior is going on in there, you can take a steam.
You know, is that part of the tour where you go like, all right, you know, if you don't want to see psychologically scarring behavior, try to come here during, is it better to come in during peak hours or because there's a lot of witnesses or non-peak hours? But it's out of control um i can't tell you that but i i'm gonna tell you some fucking uh stories later um anyway what are you gonna do uh all right well that's the podcast this is a few minutes short here i i gotta do i gotta go got to go here. So I'm going to be late for work.
Um, anyway, um, I want to thank Jimmy Page for putting together that, uh, becoming Led Zeppelin thing. And I want to thank Paul McCartney for doing that small show.
I want to thank Josh Adam Myers for getting me a ticket. It was unbelievable.
It was life-changing. I will never forget that concert.
It made me want to, it made me feel great. I felt amazing.
I was floating when I was coming out of there. And the fact that Paul McCartney can still do that over 60 years into his career is really inspiring.
And it's something I'm so happy I got a chance to experience. All right, that is the podcast.
Listen to the music picked out by Andrew Themblis, and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast coming out after this. MotoGP stats soon, so does F1.
Baseball season's coming up, and basketball, what do we got? We got March Madness. Bill, we know what we got.
I don't know. I get excited because everybody gets all sad when football's over.
But there's still a lot of good shit out there. All right.
That's it. Have a great weekend, you cunts.
And I'll check in on you on Monday. I'm fixing a hole where the rain gets in And stops my mind from wondering

Where it will go

I'm feeling the cracks that ran through the door

And kept my mind from wondering where it will go. And it really doesn't matter.
Hey, what's going on? What's going on? It's Bill Byrd. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 13th, 2017.
What's going on it's bill bird it's time for the monday morning podcast for monday february 13th 2017 what's going on how are you how y'all how you doing over there why is it uh why is friday the 13th unlucky and monday the 13th oh that's just fucking fine you know who's the pussy who came up with that one you think monday the 13th fuck unlucky 13 and it's monday and i got five fucking days in front of me i have to work friday 13 who gives a shit you stub your toe a couple times the next thing you know you're at the tgi fridays right you're down there eyeballing one of the ladies you know you come up to her you tell her you like her striped shirt start bitching about the horrible day you had you know and she's a woman so she'll listen to it she'll kick into that motherly instinct unless she already has kids and then she doesn't have time for it you know then she looks in just says listen i'm ain't sucking your dick all right so just get the fuck out of here and then you move on to something younger it's not how it goes why what is so fucking unlucky you know what i didn't even know i was gonna i gotta look this up now why is friday the 13th unlucky hang on let me hit pause for a second all right before i can't just looked it up i didn't read any i just got i just got to the google thing where they got whatever it is on the first page all right who's kidding who with the internet whatever the fact is the fact is whatever you look up within the first two fucking clicks on the first page becomes the truth that's it okay so that's what the fuck i'm looking at you know if the right answer to any question is fucking beyond what you have to scroll down on the first page of any subject on of the internet it's it's over no one's ever going to know the truth because who who the fuck ever goes to page 14 not even journalists do that they don't give a shit um all right i'm going to say it either has to do with uh it's got to be religious it's got to be religious jesus did something he always had bad fridays didn't he no he had a good friday good today's good friday what happened on good friday did the rock roll back and he came walking out you know like one of those fucking movies where they thought they killed the guy and he didn't and then then he comes back. Except not like Tom Sawyer fucking creep hanging out at his own funeral.
I was done with that kid once he did that show. This kid's a fucking weirdo.
All right. Friday the 13th.
Why is it unlucky in other facts about the worst day in the calendar? In the calendar? Not on the calendar? We're in it? We're not in it? We're not on it all right friday the 13th considered by many is one of the unluckiest days of the year is almost here again this is from january 2017 uh oh shit january 13th well fuck nothing happened to us if you're still alive um if you're worried about what's in store blah blah blah blah blah blah blah what the fuck in 2000 here's some of the fun facts when is the next friday 13th no why stupid all right biblical origins all right of course it always goes back to the bible oh jesus dad's mad dad's coming home he's not in a good fucking mood he had a bad week you know of course it's the kid's fault stupid cunt

he tried Dad, dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood.
He had a bad week.

You know, of course, it's the kid's fault.

Stupid cunt.

He tried to build everything in six fucking days.

Typical do it yourself job.

Why didn't you farm it out to someone who knew what the fuck they were doing?

Built the thing up to code, you dope.

Fucking sticking a steel beam in the middle of a fucking wood wall.

Yeah, everything above it is supported better. What about below it, Dad? What about below it? The fuck did this music come from? All right, let's read with this music on in the background.
The superstition about this day is not to have... I can't do this.
It's not to have come about. All right, that's enough of that.

During the Middle Ages,

and many have biblical origins,

some historians have claimed

it was the day on which Eve

bit the apple from the tree of Nile.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Holy, that just scared the shit out of me, Nia.

The lovely Nia, everybody. Oh, with my beautiful daughter two lovely ladies what's going on uh i thought you were done sorry no i was watching the videos the people sent me this week what's going on are you gonna drop her off no i can't do the podcast the way i talk that's why i was in here with the door closed it's a, by the way.
If you wonder why it just squeaked like we live in a haunted house. No, I just found another.
I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you wanted to order from. Yeah.
Just order me something remotely healthy. Okay.
Something to stave off the calories I consume and alcohol. Okay.
Would you like some sort of like a bowl with rice and tofu and that sort of thing? I hate tofu. Oh.
It's got to be a real dead animal to vegetables. Okay.
So you want meat. So I shouldn't order from a vegan place then.
Vegan as long as there's none of that tofu. I don't understand what that stuff is.
That's like the type of shit that they seal caps with. Tofu? Yeah.
So liquid doesn't leak it. It's not good for you.
Tofu's not good for you? No. Are you sure you're thinking of tofu? Tofu doesn't come from a tree, does it? There's no tofu trees.
I thought tofu was made from soybeans. Yeah, but isn't soy bad for you? Not always.
I have no idea. Let me get your phone for you.
I don't know. If you're going to from a vegan place just get me vegetables shit that i i you know i know what i know what it is i don't know what tofu is it's like fucking algae or something all right shuffles nia do you know why friday the 13th is unlucky why i don't know either i've been reading about it here the new in the uh they try to say that eve fucking maybe bit the apple oh they were in paradise there was no calendar what do they have to worry about there's no bills they didn't have to go to work you know what did they do and fucking eat oh the cunt of all cunts, did he not? I don't think...
Oh, no, but the devil was an angel that got cast he not so the devil was basically a bad hire yes they came back and try to take his company down all right okay let me finish reading this okay in the new testament um i love how they blame the woman like that's why everything's all fucked up i mean without a if you're told a broad to not go over there and eat the fucking apple,

she's going to be intrigued.

You know?

Like a guy wouldn't.

Whatever you do,

that's the classic thing,

like a substitute teacher.

Whatever you do, don't laugh.

Next person who laughs gets detention.

That's it.

You're done.

You're fucking squeezing your nose.

Doing that fucking little kid laugh.

That's it.

Next thing you know,

you're missing a week of recess. That's why you got all these fat fucking kids the regular teacher takes the day off the substitute teacher creates the tension the the one skinny kid starts laughing and then he's done he's eating that fucking food down the cafeteria that's got all the preservatives in it do you know if you fucking kill somebody and nobody figures it out? You're not in the clear for a good 40 years.
That's how they're digging people up from 12 years ago. And then that's like they took a fucking nap.
Hey, I'll tell you, these people, they're full of preservatives, you know? All right. In the New Testament, there were 13 people present for Jesus.
Jesus's last supper on Maundy Thursday. Maundy, M-A-U-N-D-Y.
Is that some other fucking day of the week they used to have? What do you mean the New Testament? That wasn't in the Old Testament? Oh, wait a minute. We fucked up.
Thought there was 12. There's 13.
The day before Christ's crucifixion on Good Friday. Oh, Good Friday.
So he went out. He out he had a couple of beers he had a good fucking time and the next thing you know he got the old right there fred all right more bad luck on friday october 13th 1307 philip the fourth of france shouldn't be uh Philippe Lecate, arrested hundreds of the Knights Templar.
Well, what did they do? In his novel Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown cites the 14th century execution. Oh, who gives a fuck? You know what I mean? You know something? It's just all bullshit.
That's what it is. You you always knew it was i'm trying to think of anything bad's ever happened to me on the 13th but i pay oh fad of me get bad luck today fucking old ladies keeping that shit going that's what it is oh by the way um really good friend of mine and one of the fucking best comedians I've ever seen.

Nick DiPaolo, the great Nick DiPaolo. He has a new stand up special, a new one hour stand up special that's debuting this Thursday, February 16th at 8 p.m.
on CISO TV called Inflammatory. I don't get to watch him as much

since I'm out here.

But he is somebody...

Last time I worked with him was at Comics Come Home.

Once again, legendary set.

And that's it.

He's just one of those fucking guys.

He's the guy.

He's the shit.

And he's got a new special on CISO.

Check it out.

Thursday, February 16th at 8 p.m.

It's called Inflammatory.

And he also used to host a show with Artie Lang,

and now he's doing his own podcast.

To subscribe to his podcast, you can go to ConnectPal,

C-O-N-N-E-C-T-P-A-L.com slash Nick. All right, there we go.
So, you know what the fuck I did today? You know what my dumb ass did today? I saw I getting on the elliptical, which was a good thing. All right, I took my life insurance fucking test.
This guy had a problem hitting my vein. He goes gonna bruise a little bit you should see me i look like uh i don't look like i've been doing smack i just look like somebody just pinched my fucking inside of my elbow really fucking hard um anyway so i did all that what a shit show that was fucking guy sitting there going do you drink at all right and like wait he's got his back to my bar which i told you is murderer's row the bottles i have there i told you right now i put it up against the 27 yankees the 96 bulls let's go some underrated teams the 83 76ers somehow lost in history about how fucking great they were.
Right. The 86 Celtics, the 85 Lakers.
The fucking 2016 New England Patriots. The 98 Yankees.
That was a great team for the fucking free agent. They're waiting.
I mean, speaking of which, the Red Sox are doing that that this year it's a good year to get the package no matter what you're gonna be entertained you either get to watch like a fucking 900 million dollar team shit the bed or just you know there is no santa claus we're buying it one or the other either way it's gonna be dramatic um so anyways i got a such a funny question how many drinks do you i don't fucking know

do i have a pocket protector i don't count them

i like you know they always you know what's funny they fucking say having a glass of wine

with your meal is actually good for you you know what i mean so i mean i don't i don't understand

that do you smoke yeah yeah a little bit it's fucking lying your ass off

Thank you. what i mean so i mean i i don't i don't understand that do you smoke yeah yeah a little bit it's fucking lying your ass off um oh jesus i would can you imagine if you can imagine anybody even the fucking people who work there if you answered any of those questions fucking honestly you know what i mean all right uh bruins and i probably shouldn't be talking about this who gives a shit there's This is a comedy podcast.
These are all jokes, everybody. This is what I did today.
My fucking dumb ass did today. So, you know, I'm going to be the person, presenter at the Writers Guild.
No, the, yeah, the Writers Guild Awards thing, right? And so they say it's a black tie thing. And I'm like, ah, fuck, I got to get a fucking tuxedo.
So I call up. By the time I call up, it's too late to get one.
So Nia Googles some pictures and everybody seems like relaxed, like they're just wearing suits with a black tie. So I say, fuck it.
I'll wear one of my suits. So I pull out a suit.
I get the shirt. We do the whole fucking thing.
I got it to go and all that. So today I'm dressing up, you know, I'm hanging with my daughter.
I'm putting my time in, you know, because I'm going to be gone for three, four hours, and Nia's going to be handling it by herself, and I'm going to go out and go do this fucking Hollywood thing, right, and I'm sitting there, and I know, you know, the red carpet and everything's between three or four, and I'm like, I can't, I don't know when the fuck the car's coming to pick me up, I'm all dressed up, ready to go. You know, 2 o'clock, 2.05, 2.10, 2.15.

I'm texting people, hey, when's this car coming to get me?

2.25, I walk outside.

I'm looking around.

I don't see anybody.

I'm just sitting there, and it finally dawns on me.

I'm like, wait a minute.

And I just looked up the date of the fucking award show. It's next Sunday.

Isn't that hilarious? You know what the funny thing about it is Nia got mad at me why did she write things down who gives a

it's not I didn't miss it I just was a little early and now I know you know

I know that you know I know what I'm gonna wear I'm actually way ahead of the game because I Because I fucked up

What do you want from me?

Um

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I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know you know i know that you know i know what i'm gonna wear i'm actually way ahead of the game because i because i fucked up what do you want for me um anyway speaking of uh this is something i gotta let you guys know about um the uh the patrice o'neill comedy benefit the fifth annual patrice o'neill comedy event benefit uh we're actually going to be releasing some tickets, some high-quality tickets, I guess you say, some really good seats, and we're going to be doing that Monday, today, if you're listening to it on Monday. Jesus Christ, with the fucking opening of the door there.
Because it's ridiculous, that's why. What is ridiculous? You're trashing me on the podcast.
How am I trashing you? Because you were saying, like, I got mad at you because you... Come in, come in, come in, come in, come in.
Don't yell, don't yell. You got the kid there.
What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown-ass man, and you got all dressed to go to the...

Why is it always grown-ass?

Why can't you say you're a grown-up?

I can say whatever I want to say,

and I'm choosing to say that you're a grown-ass man

who can't seem to write anything down.

Is that because you're a strong woman?

To the point where you're going to get all dressed up

and be like, oh, what am I going to wear?

This, none, and the other,

and then you come downstairs five minutes later like,

well, it's next week.

Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together it's not cute yeah that's like the first thing i've screwed up like that in a long time i have a bunch of events in my phone right in the calendar section it's forgetting when things are you're always getting the dates wrong and it's frustrating it's just annoying all right but how am I doing as a dad? What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as a dad. All right, well, stop acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley.
I'm not acting like I'm shooting heroin in an alley, but I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight. You're always getting the dates wrong.
You're like, oh, it's tomorrow, not today. It's next week, not this week.
Like, I don't get it. I'm busy.
And I don't have an assistant. Well, you should get an assistant.
I don't want another person to talk to. I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now.
Because of this very reason. Yeah, you want to hear all the shit I did this week that I made? Totally got there on time? No.
Okay, you know why? Because that would prove my point. If I was a baseball...
What is your point exactly? 99% of shit I get there on time. 99%? 98.
No, and you did get mad at me. I did not...
I did. Well, then what's the problem?

Why do you have to dramatically open our squeaky pocket door to come in here and insert yourself on the podcast?

I don't know.

All right.

Are you done?

Are you kicking me out now?

Are you almost done?

No, I've just started.

Oh, you just started?

Well, people send me...

Oh, no, I'm 17 minutes in.

Oh, Jesus.

Well, I came up here to watch the Grammys, but I can't turn the TV on now, right? Watch the Grammys. Okay, I'm going to.
Is there going to be a bunch of people writing new verses about how Trump's the most evil thing ever? There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said, Make America Great Again, and then Trump on the back of it. I don't know who she is, but everyone's already like, what? already like what oh my god she's like just for somebody to show up at a hollywood event like that in a dress that says like you know that's pro trump is pretty pretty paint by numbers shock i guess so i don't know do you think she'll get some free press out of that i think she will was she wearing madonna's beret no she, she was not.
I'm going to a protest. What should I wear? No, she was wearing a pro-Trump dress is what I'm saying.
I know, I know, because that other shit is played out. They're acting like the sky is falling, so now they're going to go the other direction.
Yeah, I know, but I feel like that's not going to be good press for her. You know what I mean? Hey, Toots, any press is good press.
That's how this dirty town works. Yeah, I guess so.
Or you could just put out a good album. Right, and not rely on your stupid clothes.
Yeah, if you put out a good album, you can keep your clothes on. You don't have to say who you voted for.
You can just go up there and accept your shiny thing. That's true.
All right, I'm going to take the baby. Okay.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Okay. Bye-bye.
Anyways. Hi, everybody.
I'm glad you guys. All right.
If you pull the door lower, it doesn't squeak as much. See, there you go.
See that? You almost did it. You can watch theys near go ahead um anyways oh by the way i'm gonna fuck this up the two fucking best channels right now in my in my uh not humble opinion hey people say in my humble opinion like you're a humble person you're not you're injecting your fucking ideas most likely into a conversation that you just overheard or is that just me in my opinion i don't know when the humble came about you know hey you know i'm who am i who am i who are you you're the fucking guy that is is you know holding court right now with your opinions there's nothing fucking humble about this you're shining're shining a spotlight on yourself.
You know, I'm actually in a good mood too. Hang on a second.
Let me, let me fucking find this stuff. There's two fucking channels out there.
Viceland is the shit. I already told you about that.
And now what's his face? Puffy's has a new network. Puffy's, you cunt.

Puffy's Network.

They said net worth.

Revolt is another great fucking channel.

Both of those channels remind me of the early days of MTV.

The early days of MTV was somewhere between,

obviously, regular television,

and then just basic cable fucking lunatics, which I really miss. I remember I used to watch this guy, Damon Zex.
I talked about this a long time ago on the Opie and Anthony show. He used to pretend he was running for office.
Damon Zex. There it is.
There it is. This guy was a fucking superstar.
I think it was channel eight. There he is.
I love this fucking guy. Oh, this is, this isn't going to translate well.
D-A-M-O-N-Z-E-X. And he used to do this thing where you pretend that he was running for office.

This crazy makeup on and just saying all this fucked up shit.

And me and Bobby Kelly were living together.

When stone sober, we would just watch that guy.

Like late night after we did our spots, just ordered Chinese food.

And we'd just sit there watching the guy, laughing our asses off

and fucking getting freaked out.

I don't know.

But the early days of MTV was like that.

And I haven't seen, you know,

network television or basic cable

be like that in a long time.

And I got to tell you,

those two fucking channels,

just great.

A bunch of random shit in there uh original shows um i don't know puffy's channel is more like i just sat there watching it and it was that guy uh what the fuck's his name not mike jones the guy's really killer mike killer mike and i guess the guy he raps with is white I don't know anything about but they

fucking just filmed them they just sat around talking about their albums one guy smoking weed he has like a fucking coughing fit for like 30 seconds they don't even edit it out and I was just sitting there and I'm like two hours into this thing going how the fuck am I still watching this but it was way more interesting than a lot I don't know I like it check it out if If you like it, you like it.

Whatever.

What are you going to do?

Anyways.

All right. watching this but it was way more interesting than a lot of i don't know i like it check it out if you if you like it you like it whatever what are you gonna do um anyways all right let's uh let's talk about the world of sports as i always do as i eventually do as i always make my way back to the old bread and circus here um bruce cassidy new coach of the uh boston bruins former player came up with the blackhawks in like the 80s and unfortunately had like three or four knee injuries.
This is all I know about the guy. And then he paid his fucking dues as a coach coming up.
My favorite stop that he had on the way up, he coached for the Jacksonville Lizard Kings. Which, you know, I'm throwing in.
I'm throwing my vote in. That's one of the best.
That's one of the best fucking names for a minor league team. The Lizard Kings.
It's a reference to the doors. They got a bunch of reptiles in Florida and fucking Jim Morrison got arrested in Florida for allegedly taking his dick out, also known in some circles as your lizard.
And who doesn't want to be a king? You know, you got the Sacramento Kings, you got the LA Kings, and you got the Jacksonville Lizard Kings. Anyways, he's undefeated so far.
You know, granted, you know, we were playing our best hockey, I felt, of the season when he took over, but this is the new guy, you know. I got to support there.
What's his face? Parsonak with the fucking, with the game winner against the Vancouver Canucks. After he made a very sketchy pass in the first period, he makes it up.
Fucking unbelievable. Came down the fucking left side, slammed on the brakes, just like I do,

and pick up hockey, except he actually stopped rather than continuing

into the boards and hurting himself.

And then fucking little whatever the fuck he did, and he put it in.

It was fantastic.

Oh, it was tremendous.

But I got to tell you guys about the greatest sporting event I think I've

been to since I went to the, uh,

new England Patriots versus Los Angeles Rams when we won our first Superbowl.

And all I can tell you about Duke at Cameron indoor arena,

it's like how loud the crowd was when Vinatieri kicked that field goal, it was that loud the whole fucking game. I've never been to anything like it.
And we sat in the low, we were sitting center court. I thought we were going to be behind the bench.
Sorry about that. We were at center court, not on the student side, across from them in the lower area.
And, dude, I'll tell you, there's no fucking way to get out of there. There's no way to go to the bathroom.
There's no way to fucking, there's nobody coming around to concessions. You are fucked.
You are in there and that is it. Old school fucking barn.
Um, you went in, it's so small. I guess it holds like 9,000 people, but you felt like you were in there with like 200 people.
And we came in and it was already, they were already shooting around before the game. And we finally got to our seats.
Like you just don't think that your seats are even going to be there because everybody's so jammed in. And we didn't sit down for the whole fucking game.
I started sitting sitting down during timeouts because i'm old and i gotta tell you i've never i've never seen an atmosphere like that ever this beats everything i've been to the uh ncaa uh the championship game was in the fucking georgia dome so i mean that's a shitty place to watch a basketball game even if people are going nuts it just floats up to the top of the the the dome and you don't even hear it um i've i've just like i don't even know i don't know where to begin and then it was an unbelievable game just back and forth back and forth when it looked like unc was going to pull away duke would come back. Then it looked like Duke was going to have the game on ice.

And then UNC would come back.

Somebody hit a three.

Someone else would hit a fucking three.

It was unbelievable.

And I was very impressed with both teams.

I like that kid on UNC number 44.

He doesn't rattle.

He doesn't fucking act like he changed the game of basketball when he hits a shot.

All he gave a fuck about was winning.

He hit some big three-pointer.

And then they immediately called timeout. Rather than thumping his own chest and acting like he's in Braveheart he came back to the bench high-five but you see he was pissed because they just had just let up an easy bucket before he hit his three and um I don't know I don't know shit about anything but if I was a scout I would pay attention to that just as much as somebody actually doing great things out on the court and um it was insane dude fucking coach k coming out i

just i'm reminded me when i when i went to the king's game when they wrapped it up one time to

win a stanley cup and i saw them bring the stanley cup out it was like that except it could walk

around talking so i want to thank uh i want to thank mike hall at the comedy zone in um

Thank you. It was like that, except it could walk around talking.
So I want to thank Mike Hall at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte for two awesome shows. And thank you so much for getting us in touch with the person that hooked us up with the tickets.
Me, Verzi, and Bartnick were all sitting there going, I think that might have been the greatest sporting event I went to. seeing the patriots when the super bowl was bigger but um the level of excitement like i just never been never been to anything like that and uh if you ever get a fucking chance um that is definitely one worth stub hubbing um oh the college give fucking the students were crazy and they had all these funny chants and i'm sure everybody's gonna say oh they stole this from you they stole this from this guy, blah, college, fucking, the students were crazy, and they had all these funny chants, and I'm sure everybody's going to say, oh, they stole this from you, they stole this from this guy, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I don't fucking know, but it was making me laugh. You know, when they were introducing the UNC players, I'll just use my name.
They just say, playing fucking point guard number fucking zero, Bill Burr, and then the whole student section just goes, hi, Bill, you suck. And they just did it through the whole thing.
It was childish. It was fucking hilarious.
They started chanting. I couldn't tell what they were chanting.
And then I gradually figured it out. It was crazy towel guy.
I was like, crazy? What the fuck are they saying? Crazy what? And people start turning around looking at us and then i realize they're looking beyond us we look up and all of a sudden this fucking old guy gets up starts whipping this towel around his head this old fucking lunatic i'm like i guess that's i guess that's the crazy towel guy right so it's going back and forth back and forth all these crazy chants you let your whole team down all of this shit. The next thing you know, it's like halftime.
We're sitting there going like, dude, what the fuck was that? That was 20 minutes of basketball that felt like a minute. My ears were ringing like I'd gone to a concert and there was still another half to play.
Then all of a sudden this Asian lady comes out. This Asian lady coming out on like a fucking three-story uh unicycle and she's doing that act where you're fucking you flip the saucer onto your head okay which i had seen before i've seen the act done before i've never seen it live but was fucking hilarious versley and bartnick had never seen that not saying saying I wasn't blown away.
I was definitely blown away.

So she goes to flip it on her head.

Now, first of all, when you stop on a unicycle, you can't just stop.

You got to do that front, back, front, back, front, back. Now she's doing that with one foot on the fucking pedal.

She's got a goddamn soup bowl on the end of her feet, on her toes.

The end of your feet.

A lot of people know it as your toes, right?'s sitting there right she fucking flips it it does like a triple lindy and lands on the top of her head and everybody's just like oh shit right so then she fucking with the thing still on her fucking head the little soup kitchen uh cup there right she rides down to another the other corner of the basketball court now she puts two down now Verzi starts going no way no fucking way no fucking way right there Fred it fucking lands whole crowd oh shit then she goes to do three so she's got one upright the other's upside the other's upright, just going like right up her fucking shin.

And she fucking landed that and Verzi stood up.

You ever see when black people go to church and what they call it, catching the Holy Ghost?

That's what looked like happened to Paul Verzi.

Everybody was sitting down.

Verzi stood up and applauded.

I'm fucking dying laughing. She goes to four

bowls. Everybody's like, no shit.
Four bowls go in the air, land right on her head. One, two, three, four, whole crowd.
What the fuck? Right? Then she goes down. Her closing bit, not one not Not two.
Not three or four.

She puts five fucking soup bowls.

It's all the way up to her knee.

Okay.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.

This guy is like flipping the bowls.

So he flipped one to her.

And he fucking threw it too short.

And she dropped it.

And I was going, ah, fuck.

He just jinxed her.

He just fucked with the rhythm.

It's like calling a timeout to ice the kicker. So she's got five, flips him up in the fucking air, one, two, three, four, and the fifth one bounced off her head.
Everybody's like, ah. Ah, geez, there is no Santa Claus, right? You know what she said? She said, fuck that, set him up again, right? Teaching these kids, these fucking millennials, or whatever the fuck you call these kids nowadays these kids who grew up with knee pads elbow pads and helmets when they rode bicycles they had play dates they they weren't left alone in the company of adults that no one really knew who they were these these kids were sheltered they don't know how to make a comeback these kids get drunk they call uber right everything's just set up for them so they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat you know well let me tell you something this lady on this one fucking tired bicycle she showed them how because she said hey fuckhead i don't give a shit that you throw me five more.
She set him up again. Right.
Flipped him in the air. Landed all five fucking place goes nuts.
Just as loud as the goddamn almost as loud as the fucking game. There was no break.
There was no break in the excitement that fucking ends. We're looking going, what the fuck did we just see? And out comes Coach K, fucking Duke and UNC, and it gets loud again.
More chanting, more singing, more fucking screaming. Came all the way down.
Duke finally put the game away with like a fucking minute left with a couple of foul shots. And I just sat there in the last few seconds when I knew that Duke was going to win.
And I just looked in, looked around, looked at everything I could look at,

tried to make as enough mental pictures as I could to take it in.

Because I knew I was just like, I don't know if I'll ever get back to seeing one of these again.

But I don't know.

If that didn't sell you, you got to do it.

That is, dude, fuck Madison Square Garden. It's a mecca.

Fuck that place.

You can go down there and see the fucking ice capades.

Save your money.

Go on StubHub.

All right?

Go on StubHub and just get yourself some tickets and go there.

You will not be disappointed.

And you got to go while Coach K is still there, who, by the way,

I believe tomorrow, the 13th, is his 70th birthday. How great does that guy look? Fucking guy looks like he's like maybe a year younger, two years older than me.
I don't know. Who would have thought with a job that stressful, you could still look that good, you know? Anyways, let me read a little bit of advertising.
All all right and with that you know this thing is just really not responding the way it used to is it time for a new laptop all right do we have anything else hey what is all this attacking on fake news lately i don't understand it why is the government getting so mad fake news? It's so fucking hilarious watching them getting upset about that. Hey, don't read their fake news.
Read our fake news. Read our version of the fucking.
It's all fake fucking news. Have you ever gotten into a car accident? Little fender bender and the cop shows up? Are you a police officer? Have you ever heard two people tell you the exact same story this fucking guy came out of fucking nowhere then you go over the other guy what happened i came out of fucking nowhere i wasn't even looking never happens

it's all fake news it's it's all opinions right for the most part other than you know somebody

dies this guy is fucking dead okay you can agree on that how he died why he died who's who's

with the for the most part other than you know if somebody dies this guy is fucking dead okay you can agree on that how he died why he died who's who's responsible oh jesus christ bill we get it okay that's all i'm saying that's all that's all i'm really saying here all right let's get to uh let's get to the content here um you read some uh some of your letters here all right yoko ono makes Julian Lennon by letters he wrote to his dad at auction. All right, Bill, is there a worse woman in history? I hate to be hacky.
I know the Beatles' days were numbered. It wasn't just her, but it didn't help.
Yeah, but at the end of the day, John chose her. This is what happened.
Something happened between John and his mom. She died or she fucking, I don't know, she beat him with a wooden spoon.
I forget how the fucking story went. All right, but whatever she did, or if she died, it's not her fault.
It left him with the psychological makeup to be susceptible to not trying to just find a mate he also wanted a mom and all she had to do was make some cookies all right make him some cookies on his fucking

birthday whatever the fuck he wanted and then that was it this guy was done you know i think he would

you know if he lived they somewhere in his mid-40s he just would have been like all right you know what

Thank you. done you know i think he would you know if he lived they somewhere in his mid-40s he just would have been like all right you know what what the fuck was that maybe he would have got out maybe maybe he liked it i have no idea but anyways let's continue he said then there's the video where you call her out for screeching like a maniac during a powerful moment in history now she won't give her husband's son some paper he gave his dad 20 years earlier this story might be a bit old but it doesn't seem to make but it doesn't make it any less true i watched the clip what it is was she auctioned off a bunch of his shit is what it is she's not making him pay for it she sold it and julian wants to get it back but because yoko sold it um he has to buy it back now i in defense of her what i would say is the cash cow died it's not like yoko could go out and fucking sell take uh records like a beetle so all of a sudden she's going like holy fuck how am i still gonna be able to live in the in the dakota so she starts selling all his shit or maybe her husband died she wanted to fucking move on and didn't want to look at all his old shit you know what i mean i have no idea um but yeah i watched a little of that video jul Julian definitely goes hard on her and says, uh,

that he thinks she's extremely manipulative and that,

um,

she knew what the fuck she was doing from day one.

And I can't remember if that's actually his mother.

I don't know.

How is he related?

Who the fuck knows?

I don't know.

Um,

is there a worse woman in history? Yeah, there's way worse worse women there's women that ran empires and had people killed you know for whatever fucking reason you know the the the story of scarface the second one the one that pacino did was based on a uh you know there was the original movie but the stories that stories that they used in the second one were based on a drug dealer of that time who actually was a woman. So, I mean, yeah, I would say she was worse.
You know, having people shot in the fucking street is probably worse than selling some postcards. But, you know, it's all up to interpretation.
know this is the new me the new meditating bill the more relaxed bill who's undoing the fucking knots of anxiety in his mind i i cannot say enough about fucking meditating um now that i'm not trying to like get good at it. I'm just trying to do it.
I don't flip out

to the level I use. Now that I'm not trying to like get good at it, I'm just trying to do it.

I don't flip out to the level I used to. Like I think, you know, say like 10 is the worst flipping out.

I think I used to walk around, just walk around on a good day.

I was already at a six compared to how most people are when they're just like totally chilling out.

So it was a very quick and easy trip up to 10. Now I feel like I walk around at like a three.
I feel like I've cut it in half. So now when I flip out, I kind of just go to six, which is still totally unacceptable for most social situations.
I still flip out and people look over their shoulders startled, but not the level of of what the fuck you know what i mean reminds me this time i saw i was on like highway eight or something interstate eight i think i was in arizona new mexico i don't where the fuck I was at. And this bull had somehow gotten free.

I mean, I was in the middle of fucking nowhere. And there was two cowboys, right, on horses.

And these are cowboys.

They're trying to fucking rope a goddamn bull,

which I don't even know if you can do.

I don't know what the fuck they were doing.

So one of them's trying to distract the bull.

And the other one is on a horse that is sneaking up behind it. and the horse is sneaking up the way horses sneak up in a fucking cartoon and this bull at the last second figured it out and he fucking turned around you know that look bruce willis always does when he looks over his shoulder and die hard it's the same thing except it was a fucking bull that's the look that people when i would lose my shit prior to meditating i would get that look everyone would fucking turn around like you know a skyscraper was on fire and it was just some fucking balding redhead flipping out because he couldn't figure out the new operating system on his on his smartphone completely unacceptable so uh my temper has really reduced.

And I'm telling you, if I can just not fucking do,

I just made this statement out loud.

It's like my daughter's not going to see me flipping out.

You know, I'm not saying I won't,

hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey,

when she's fucking drawing on the wall at some point.

But she's not going to see me yelling at computers.

It's just not going to happen, okay?

And I say it out loud.

When I say it out loud, that means it happens, right?

I don't know. point but uh she's not gonna see me yelling at computers it's just not gonna happen okay and i say it out loud when i say it out loud that means it happens right i hope so anyways i'm trying fuck you guys i'm trying anytime i talk about this too in my stand-up act then i'm gonna try to fix my temper people just start laughing they laugh and they point they make me feel bad um all right Italy and the European Union hey there Capitol Hill Bill I'm just a bill

yes I'm only a bill and i'm sitting here on capitol hill and okay i'm a political science professor from a school i won't name to keep with your policy of not naming names uh having studied and taught the subject it's fair to say i look at what goes on today from a much wider scope uh wider scope than who me i would hope so i would hope so wider than me um all right and that's not something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science could you pat yourself on the back anymore sir did your elbow patch fly off your fucking left arm of your sport coat when you reach back to that is all i love this guy and that's not only something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science this guy should be wearing a scarf with a nice breeze going anyone can read souls and eatson thank you for fucking sound spelling that for me and others who have honestly captured an important perspective of history and have a much clearer understanding of how and why governments and socialites have evolved through history anyways there is one thing that has flown under the radar now that i've gotten my resume out of the way there's one thing that has flown under the radar and i think i it should scare the shit out of most european countries all right let me start by saying in short that the european union parentheses which in my opinion is run by fascists with self-interest can i just stop here and say this is the most well-written fucking email i've ever received on the podcast this is incredible um let me start by saying in short that the european union which my opinion is run by fascists with self-interest tried to take control of italy's army for the sake of your time, I will spoil the ending. Italy did not vote to allow the EU to take over.
That move by the EU alarmed some of my peers who I, in 20 plus years of knowing them, have not seen them alarmed by anything in terms of government. In the scheme of things, a banking institution openly financing legislation that is trying to gain control of a foreign country's foreign government's military is for the lack of a better term really really ballsy why do i feel like i missed some information here okay so the the european union tried to take over italy's army okay i see that italy did not vote to allow the eu to take over so when you join the uh european union they took take over your army is that what you're saying okay so that move by the eu alarmed some of my peers what move oh trying to take over the okay you're jumping back and forth here i can't tell what you're talking about okay take control of italy's army okay so them trying to take control of their army yeah how would you do that okay the idea that let me just finish this the idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics or conspiracy theorists like myself.
But you know something? Me, they just go, oh, what do you got your fucking tan hat on? And you, if you just started saying what the fuck you just said, you'd probably run into the same problem you just i just said it was the best written email ever and i got lost in it because i'm too fucking stupid i understand what you're talking about so it's got to be hard man you just got to hang out with people with the fucking elbow patches on their sport coats right anyways the idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics i've heard you talk about stuff like this in the context of a conspiracy and so other than this possibly possibly being interesting to you it's also to it's also affirm that you are not out of your mind i attached an article if you'd like to read further i absolutely would look at this how about that everybody all you cunts saying All you cunts saying I got a tin hat on. Tin foil hat on.
Whatever the fuck that means. Half of you say that, you don't even know what it means.
You got your tin foil hat on? You know, I don't even know what the fuck it means. What, is that like my antenna if I'm doing some sort of pirate radio? Tin foil hat.
Meaning. I know what it means.
It means you're out of your fucking mind, but how did it come about a tinfoil hat is made from one or more sheets of aluminum foil i didn't want the exact or a piece of conventional headgear lined with foil worn in the belief or hope that it shields the brain from threats such as electromagnetic fields mind control and minery oh i see i see. Well you know.
That's some MacGyver shit. I can go with that right.
Is that a bad thing. Anyways well where the fuck was I.
I've attached. I would actually have to.
How long is this though. Is this something I can read.
You know I I'll read about this and I'll give you my uninformed opinion. My moronic opinion on the next podcast.
How about that? Does that work for you? Does that grab you? All right, fat guys turns out to not be fat. Billy Twinkle Bows.
This guy was told by a doctor his whole life that he was fat. he had this huge frontal thing on going on that turned out to not be a giant belly but 130 pound tumor how many people do you know will start using the tumor defense um i actually looked this fucking thing up the guy is fat he's very fat even after the fucking tumor i mean like he's laying in bed and he has it's like he has an inner tube of fat going around like that's what his neck is this guy's so fucking fat he had 130 pound tumor and he just thought it was part of his love handle.
He is fat.

I'm glad they got it out of there.

How do you get that out of there?

130 pounds.

How the fuck do you,

I mean, you got to take it out in sections.

10 pounds at a time.

You need to make 13 fucking incisions.

Jesus Christ, and just throwing it over your shoulder,

hitting the ground like a fucking bowling ball Jesus Christ do you know I knew a guy that um you know everybody's talking about probiotics and they talk about the bacteria in your gut that little you know there's bacteria in your gut that's supposed to be there try to scare your shit out of you, but it's supposed to be there. It's there for when you die and it begins the decomposing process provided you're not full of fucking preservatives and you just decompose because you're not important and you just become part of the earth again.
But we stick ourselves in these fancy fucking boxes because we think we're too good to be warm food for whatever fucking reason but anyways um alcohol eats away at the good shit the good bacteria that you need while you're alive like you're supposed to be balanced and you're supposed to have more of the good bacteria because if you have more of the bad bacteria you can actually in your own fucking way you're beginning to decompose while you're still alive or in a short way you're starting to die this is the way this guy explained it to me so he started getting a distended belly they didn't know what the fuck was going on and he wouldn't go to the doctor and then finally he found out you know somebody said maybe you got a tapeworm and that freaked him the fuck out they could have been something alive in him and he went to the doctor and then they found out that that's what it was and uh they gave him some medicine and you know and he had to shit it all out that's basically what happened so um i don't know even then i always buy the greek yogurt and it goes bad i always think like you know i'll slam a couple of scotches in the next morning i'll have two spoonfuls of fucking greek yogurt yogurt and i'll be fine i happy in the life insurance. They said I had a nice fucking easy, you know, heart rhythm.

I was also meditating when they did it.

You know, I was being totally present.

I was listening to the sounds of the room.

I slowed my breathing.

I tricked those fuckers.

But I also had the Bruins game on in the background,

so I was trying not to react to what the fuck was going on

because we left this fucking cunty goal at the end of the second period with like one second left. All right.
Crazy Saddam story. Crazy.
All right. Hey, Bill, thought I'd brighten your day with this crazy account of what went down in Iraq when Saddam took power.
Basically, they gathered all government officials in one room. The current military leader gets brought out on stage.
clearly he's clearly been beaten he admits to having committed treason but clearly he hasn't they then start calling out officials one at a time so everyone was scared shitless that they'd be called out and marched out into a courtyard with the others then after half of them were gone the remaining officials were all taken out to the courtyard and told that if they didn't shoot the traitors they and their families would be killed that way they all had blood on their hands insane here's the whole account and to think the u.s still did business with saddam with them after that. Ha ha ha.
Dude, as far as I know, we kind of put that guy in over there. You know? And we were cool with the guy until he fucking tried to go around us and start selling oil to other, I don't know what the fuck he did.
We, you know. You know what I mean? to the united states he was like one of those fucking uh first round draft choices that that's a bust he was a bust for us you know he had a very promising college career and uh you know he just he just didn't have the passion actually he was a very passionate guy he just wasn't passionate in the wrong i don't know who the fuck knows i mean it's all evil shit that shit is just like um the most base level evil because they're not even trying to hide it but i gotta tell you when trump was talking to that fucking guy there on from fox news bill o'reilly and bill o'reilly's giving him shit that he was friends with Putin or whatever his fucking name is and he goes

the guy's a killer

to have a fucking standing president

go well look at this country

look what we've done

my jaw hit the fucking ground

like is he actually going to say this you can't say this

everybody knows it's true but you can't fucking

say this

no we only kill the bad people

the fuck out of here

it's all fucking evil

and that goes back to that fake news that's why

I don't know. say this no we only kill the bad people the fuck out of here it's all fucking evil and that goes back to that fake news that's why they need to take control of the fake news so they can spin it you know what i mean the guy he came out of fucking nowhere the saddam hussein where we had a green light he came out of fucking nowhere everybody does it everybody does it you know what and i fucking do it too we're all spinning it we're all spinning our own horse shit we all think we're fine i'm not gonna speak for you guys but i'm spinning my own bullshit right this is my favorite video anybody sent me in a long fucking time oh by the way if you want to watch that saddam thing uh i'll post all these videos i don't know if i want to watch it that stuff i don't know i don't like watching shit like that um all right 109 year old guy smokes cigars and drinks whiskey dear billy dear farm state bill i know you have a life insurance policy test but i thought you might want to see this this 109 year old guy smokes cigars all day not saying it's great for everyone, but figured you'd want to hear.

The title actually marginalized this guy's life.

He's got a great attitude.

He still drives.

He's the oldest living World War II veteran.

You'd really enjoy this.

He talks about having a truck for a long time, and they show his old-school TV with the giant dials.

He keeps it all because it works, and he likes it.

Come to Boston.

I fucking love this guy. He said at one point he smokes 12 cigars a day he goes i don't inhale so you inhale he goes you get in trouble the bottom line is you know whatever his genetics are this works for him because i know if i smoke 12 a day i first of all i couldn't physically fucking do it but he had like a 79 look like a 78 or 79 ford pickup truck he had an old square tv that still had the legs on it from like the 70s um he built his house in like 1940 he still lives there he said i like the shit that i have it still works so i'm not buying more shit it's like what i'm trying to do now get rid of all this extra shit that I bought and um I gotta tell you watching this guy watching his life is the life that I'm slowly moving towards it's the life that I want um after running around like a fucking lunatic reacting to everything for the first fucking, you know, 40 something years of my life.
Um, you know, I would like to slow down a little bit as far as being, I mean, look, I'm still, I know all you guys are worried like, Oh God, he's going to slow down. He's not going to be fucking fine.
I'm still going to completely fuck up. I'm still going to do dumb shit.
shit i'm going to be fine but i don't have to be walking around i basically walked around stuck in fight or flight mode probably from the age of eight till now and um i don't know it's a stupid it's not it's funny to observe but it really wears on the people around you. And eventually it fucking wears you down.
And it's just like the amount of fucking time that I have wasted arguing with people where they're not going to change their mind. I'm not going to change my mind.
I've just, I've, uh, I'm done. I'm past that point in my fucking life.
and it feels fucking great. I just have to believe that I am.

I'm trying to do now when I flip out,

because I know there's other angry cunts that listen to this,

and you listen to this because I'm an angry cunt too.

It probably makes you feel better about yourself,

which is why I love Bobby Knight.

You watch Bobby Knight, and you're like,

oh my God, I'm a fucking saint.

This guy.

Now this guy's got a temper. I'm telling you right now, if your wife ever gives you shit for having a temper, it's like, you think I got a temper? Just cut to, you could be married to that.
And I love Bobby Knight, by the way. So anyways, I just now like, I don't know.
I try to, in the moment, I just try to fucking, like, there's this funny thing that happens, like, when my daughter, you know, needs a diaper changed. It's like, you know, you hear him farting and everything, so you're thinking like, okay, that's definitely, you know, and you, without getting into the gross details, just think you hear the fart and you think that's the gun sounding the end of the game and then once you get into it you realize that

wasn't the gun sounding the end of the game or even the end of the half that was the sound of

the fucking jets flying over the game over the stadium right after the fucking national anthem

and the game's about ready to begin um i had a left pad save yesterday blocker cheese block saved my wall took it all on my shirt and all that it's just like it's fucking unbelievable and whenever that happens like a couple times i went like nia she why'd you tell me to come in she's still going like she could tell like there's any way for my wife to know whether my daughter is done going to the bathroom or not she's got no fucking idea and i i apologized and uh i just addressed that i was angry and i and i did it two more fucking times and now now i got it down now i just say something as I walk up to the changing table at three or four in the morning. And I just basically say, if she's not done, and, you know, this is not anybody's fault.
This is just part of having a kid. Don't flip out.
And I'll see how that works for me tonight. That's just basic.
I just, before, I just kept it all in my head. And then it becomes like it isn't, it's sort of real, but isn't.
I just find when I say it out loud, then I can fucking address it. And so we'll see that.
But I got to tell you, I actually fucking really enjoy changing diapers and everything. We gave my daughter her first bath ever, right in the kitchen sink, old school style.
I'm sure we were supposed to have like a fucking hazmat suit team come in and disinfect the sink and she's supposed to wear a helmet and some scuba gear but uh that's not how we're bringing her up we're going we're going old school i've been playing music for her and everything got this exercise ball and really just kind of puts her to sleep and i just play music and she just totally chills out um the stuff that she's enjoyed so far she she likes herbie hancock i was playing some billy cobham some of this shit i just been listening to um what else has she been listening to some of the pop stuff she really likes i think they just like music in general they're just kind of Like what the what is that and uh i don't know it's getting to that point she's just starting to be able to look around and you kind of sit there going like i think she's actually looking at me right now then right as you make eye contact like hey are you fucking looking at me her eyes just kind of drift away and look at something else i'm like all right i guess i'm still like an acid trip when she looks at me um but anyways we're having a great time and even though i'm not getting any sleep um it's totally fucking worth it and uh it's it's i'll tell you if you're if you're an older dad it's not as fucking hard they try to say oh my god you're old and gonna try to do, yeah, I'm old and I have a house. You know, I'm not some fucking struggling 20 something.
You know what I mean? Fucking broke kid trying to pay off student loans. And then you have a kid.
People in their 20s, if they complain about having a kid, I, yeah, without a doubt. I'll listen to that.
But if you're in your 30s and 40s yeah go go fuck yourself all right that's it okay that's the podcast for uh for monday once again please check out nick de paulo's special um on cso this thursday at 8 p.m i'm telling you he's one of the best of his generation and one of the best of the last fucking whatever whatever the fuck he started 30 years ago. One of my favorites and it's an honor to be able to plug his special.
Alright, so check it out you cunts. I'll check in on you on Thursday.
See the people standing there Who disagree and never win Wonder why they don't get in my door I'm painting the room In a colorful way

And when my mind

Is wandering

There I will go

Ooh

Oh

Hey, hey, hey

Hey And it really doesn't matter If I'm wrong, I'm right Where I belong, I'm right Where I belong Silly people

Run around

They worry me

They never ask me why

Don't get past my door