'Becoming Led Zeppelin', Paul McCartney, Steam Rooms | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-13-25

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in, checking in on you.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ, what a fucking week I'm having. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 Dude, I had the fucking hiccups for like two days. And I'm not saying they won't happen right now.

Speaker 1 All right, so get ready.

Speaker 3 I was that for a teaser. Oh my god, am I gonna hear some hiccups? Have I tuned into the fucking perfect podcast?

Speaker 1 Or what?

Speaker 1 Um

Speaker 3 evidently you can't have uh a couple of cups of coffee and then balsamic vinaigrette two days in a row.

Speaker 3 It's too m I didn't know balsamic vinaigrette was acidic.

Speaker 1 Um

Speaker 3 and like I I didn't I didn't even know what the fuck was going on and they just wouldn't stop

Speaker 3 to the point I was at rehearsal doing my shit with the hiccups. I did interviews with the hiccups to promote my shit that I was doing with the hiccups.

Speaker 3 I was waking up in the middle of the night with the hiccups. I feel like I'm going to get the hiccups again right now, so I have to drink some fucking water.

Speaker 3 To try to keep this shit down.

Speaker 3 I had to go to the doctor, the whole fucking thing. And I started thinking about it.
I remember like when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 Oh, when I was just a lad.

Speaker 3 One of the most amazing books when I was a kid

Speaker 3 was the Guinness Book of World Records. And he'd always look for the fattest guy,

Speaker 3 you know. Then they had the fat twins on the mini bikes,

Speaker 3 the tallest man, and all of that. The longest fingernails, all this stupid shit.
And then one of them

Speaker 3 was the world record for the

Speaker 3 longest hiccups. And this poor bastard had hiccups.
Like, he got them and then just had them for the rest of his life. Like decades.

Speaker 3 This fucking guy had hiccups.

Speaker 3 And had the intestinal fortitude to not kill himself. Like, I don't know.
It's at what point?

Speaker 3 At what point? Your diaphragm is fucking

Speaker 3 feeling like, you know, your organs are doing sit-ups, right? You definitely got a nickname.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 You know, old Billy Jumpstart.

Speaker 1 Something.

Speaker 3 So I finally went to the doctor. Something German Irish people do not do.

Speaker 3 But I was being smart, and I went there, and the lady told me what was up

Speaker 3 and got me some over-the-counter shit that I'm supposed to take for like a week, and evidently I'll be alright. So just laying off the coffee, the balsamic vinaigrette,

Speaker 3 no pasta,

Speaker 3 you know, red sauce basically, right? That's acidic tomatoes.

Speaker 3 Eat some fucking root vegetables and see what the hell happened. But the last time I had heartburn like this

Speaker 3 was

Speaker 3 me and Verzee were doing a gig

Speaker 3 in New Orleans,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 3 we had the gig on Friday at the casino. On Saturday, we went to the LSU Alabama game

Speaker 3 in Death Valley.

Speaker 3 Then we hung around Sunday,

Speaker 3 and then on Monday, we went to Monday night, the New Orleans Saints versus the Philadelphia Eagles. Your Super Bowl champion, Philadelphia Eagles, who should have fucking won two of the last three.

Speaker 3 Think about that. They should have won two of the last three.
That fucking hand on the small of that fucking dude's back, and they called that holding,

Speaker 3 and put the fucking Chiefs, I swear to God.

Speaker 3 If I was the Chiefs, you know, even though

Speaker 3 they didn't give them any calls the other day, they actually said, All right, you have to win this football game legitimately. They should have sent him

Speaker 3 a thank you letter for all the calls they got the last few years, and they should have had that Bet Midler song underneath it: You Are the Wind Beneath My Wings

Speaker 3 and just show a highlight of throwing or picking up flags in these crucial moments. Did you ever know that you're my hero?

Speaker 1 hero?

Speaker 3 By the way, I stand by

Speaker 3 Travis Kelsey's outfit.

Speaker 3 I stand by that a hundred fucking percent.

Speaker 3 A hundred percent. I stand by that fucking outfit.

Speaker 3 That outfit was the shit. And I'm, and I think it's stupid that they do this whole fashion thing or whatever, but you know,

Speaker 3 if I mean,

Speaker 3 that outfit just said cocaine.

Speaker 3 I mean, you know, I like when people steer into it rather than go away.

Speaker 3 Don't fucking show up trying to be wholesome.

Speaker 3 Show me how filthy the world is.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 Show me how there's two sets, if not three sets, of rules out there. Show me.

Speaker 3 Don't fucking

Speaker 3 come up there like you're going to do the Lawrence Welk show, huh? Nice reference there. 50 years old.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I had one of the most incredible fucking weeks. I don't know where to start

Speaker 3 as far as just like going out and seeing shit. I went out and I saw that Becoming Led Zeppelin movie where if you're a John Bonham fanatic like I am,

Speaker 3 there's very, very, very, very little. There's like one black and white video that has him talking.
I think it's him and Robert Plant early in their career.

Speaker 3 And he just didn't want to do it.

Speaker 3 You know, the press used to rip him to shreds and everything. So I think he was just like,

Speaker 3 I don't give a fuck. Fuck these guys, right? I don't need them.
We're selling out arenas, you know.

Speaker 3 That's it, right? So

Speaker 3 there's a bunch of new stuff in there because they found some

Speaker 3 interview that he did, just the audio of it. And I'm telling you, just to hear his voice, just to hear him talking, to hear him laughing, to know what his laugh sounds like.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 there's a laugh

Speaker 3 on the second side of the physical graffiti album. And now, after all these years, I always wondered who it was.
And I'm like, oh my god, that's Bonham's laugh.

Speaker 3 And they have pictures pictures of him when he was a kid.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 he was kind of like a fat kid when he was growing up. So it kind of made sense, you know, when he got older

Speaker 3 that he kind of was going in that direction again. Now, had people known about addiction and alcoholism and all of that, they could have had like an intervention.

Speaker 3 People just didn't know how to help people.

Speaker 3 They could have got to the root of the problem that, you know,

Speaker 3 he was a great dad and he missed his family and he'd get sad and he would drink. Like, that's basically what it was.

Speaker 3 And as far as what, look, obviously, I don't know the real answer, but like, I feel like that's what happened on that night when he,

Speaker 3 what did they say? Death by misadventure, when he drank too much, got sick in his sleep, and asphyxiated. I just think the

Speaker 3 thought of going back out on the road again and being away from his family, because there's pictures there

Speaker 3 and a couple little video things of him with his son.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 I don't know, I can always tell like a good dad because, you know, the kids are really physical with them, like crawling all over them and they're like sort of like fake wrestling with them and stuff like that.

Speaker 3 To me, that's always, that shows me that the dad is involved. That,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 your kids crawling all over you and stuff like that. That means you're doing the dad thing.
You're getting down on the floor with them. You know what I mean? You're recreating WrestleMania.

Speaker 3 You're coming up with all, you know, chasing them around and all of that stuff. So it was really, really cool to see that part of them.
And then also to hear these guys talking about

Speaker 3 his playing and

Speaker 3 some of the footage and stuff.

Speaker 3 It's really fucking cool.

Speaker 3 Anyway, so I saw that Tuesday night. And then last night

Speaker 3 out of nowhere,

Speaker 3 my buddy Josh Adam Myers goes, dude, Paul McCartney is playing the Bowery Ballroom.

Speaker 3 It's like a 600-seater.

Speaker 3 Do you want to go? And I'd never seen him. And I'm like, it's a Beatle.
I gotta fucking go.

Speaker 3 So we end up going down there.

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 it was sort of a last-second show and you couldn't get tickets online. You had to go down there and physically buy them.

Speaker 3 And I don't think a lot of people heard about it or whatever, but like

Speaker 3 it was like,

Speaker 3 it was full, but it wasn't like jammed. Maybe they listened to the fire code.
So we were standing on the floor. down below, but it wasn't like suffocating, you know?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 he comes out with this killer band,

Speaker 3 you know, finally got to see Abe on drums, who's just a killer fucking drummer, having so much fun.

Speaker 3 And they came out.

Speaker 3 It's Paul McCartney, and I'm standing like,

Speaker 3 I couldn't have been more than, you know, 40, 50 feet away from him.

Speaker 3 You know

Speaker 3 like if it was like a regular giant arena, I would have been like 10th row. It was crazy.
And he just comes out

Speaker 3 and just boom, goes right in. Can't buy me love.

Speaker 1 And it was just like, oh, my God.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 He's singing a Beatle. A Beatle is singing a Beatles song to me 50 feet away from me.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 3 every song sounded great. Like, even the stuff I wasn't familiar with, his newer stuff or whatever.

Speaker 3 He played, let's see. Okay, let's go through the Beatles stuff he played.
Can't buy me love.

Speaker 3 Baby, you can drive my car. People went fucking nuts.
And there's all these young people there, and they were like jumping up and down and stuff like going crazy. It was incredible.

Speaker 3 He played Blackbird.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, I'm going blank. Let it be.
Hey, Jude.

Speaker 3 And then he came out and he played that whole medley.

Speaker 3 Like, boy, you're gonna carry that weight.

Speaker 1 And then, ah, you're gonna be in my dreams tonight.

Speaker 3 And then Abe played the drum solo.

Speaker 3 They went into that. And then closed with the final part.
And in the end, and then he played some like Paul McCartney and wings.

Speaker 1 My God, they to get you into my life.

Speaker 3 It was unbelievable. And he sounded incredible.

Speaker 3 He sounded incredible. And then beyond that,

Speaker 3 he was hilarious in between songs.

Speaker 3 Like just going back and forth with the crowd.

Speaker 3 Really, really, really funny. But

Speaker 3 I am so

Speaker 3 like thankful that I got to see him. And then also, just as somebody,

Speaker 3 you know, who goes on stage too,

Speaker 3 to see a guy 82 years old with that amount of energy still killing it that hard and having that much fun is

Speaker 3 it's just a great thing to see. You know what I mean? You don't want to go there and fucking

Speaker 3 see somebody up there because they got fucking tax problems and shit. And just, you know,

Speaker 3 I don't know. Like, we've all been to those shows where you go to see, like, I always said that.
Some you go to see an older entertainer, one of two things is going to happen.

Speaker 3 You're either going to be thinking about your own mortality. Some of them make you think about dying, and the others make, you know, a very rare few

Speaker 3 make you feel about going out and living. And Paul McCartney,

Speaker 3 thank God, made me want to go out and live. Uh-oh, here come the hiccups.

Speaker 3 Ah, fuck, here we go. Starting again.
I was hoping I could get through this whole thing, but you know what? They're not as bad as they were.

Speaker 3 So I don't think I'm going to be setting any sort of Guinness Book of World Record thing anyway. So, anyway, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 3 and then, like, you know, up on the

Speaker 3 balcony, there was all these famous people that had come in to go check them out. And, you know, musicians and

Speaker 3 comedians, saw an NFL owner up there. I don't want to fucking rat anybody.
I don't like saying names or whatever, but like

Speaker 3 actors, actresses, or whatever. I still don't understand why you can't say actress.
Like, why is actress offensive?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 You're one of the.

Speaker 3 You're a fucking incredible actress. The fuck did you say

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know

Speaker 3 There's a couple I never understood that actress is offensive stewardess

Speaker 3 is offensive and then they come with flight attendant

Speaker 3 Stewardess sounds like more like mysterious like I don't know what like

Speaker 3 flight attendant they just saying what you're doing

Speaker 3 You're attending the flight. We know what you're doing.

Speaker 3 Why are you so ashamed of it?

Speaker 3 Little people?

Speaker 3 Is that better?

Speaker 3 I get not wanting to be called a midget once they said what it was and where it came from. It's like I get that.
They couldn't come up with something better than little people.

Speaker 3 See if I can.

Speaker 3 I don't know. Off the top of my head, I probably can't do better.

Speaker 3 Little people.

Speaker 3 Second string.

Speaker 3 No, that's still insulting.

Speaker 1 I don't know, man.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's tough.

Speaker 3 Anyway.

Speaker 3 I would, well, listen, if they were the ones who actually came up with it,

Speaker 3 you know, they had like a meeting, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 They had a little meeting. Sorry, it's just easy jokes.
Anyway, plowing ahead.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 3 So I got to see those two things. And then I saw highlights of the Super Bowl.
Jesus Christ.

Speaker 3 That was a mugging.

Speaker 3 Anyway,

Speaker 3 at some point, I'm going to watch that. I'm sure the NFL network is going to have it on, or I'll be able to watch it.
Someone's going to, you know, it's going to be great.

Speaker 3 Somebody's going to post it without the fucking commercials,

Speaker 3 which will be fantastic.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 I don't know. You know, it's a bad Super Bowl when most of the controversy is about the halftime show.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? I guess there was people upset that they felt like they couldn't understand Kendrick Lamar.

Speaker 3 I did see some funny fucking videos though where they were like, you know, middle-aged white people saying they can't can't understand Kendrick Lamar, but they understand this, and then they show Eddie Vetter singing.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 3 that one fucking song,

Speaker 3 what is that one song?

Speaker 3 Oh, Jesus Christ. Somebody made a whole video of it, and it just makes it seem like he's singing these people's songs off of their IDs, just their names.

Speaker 3 Sorry, not singing these songs, singing their names off their IDs.

Speaker 3 But then then somebody had a funny comment in the section going,

Speaker 3 it's not Pearl Jam white people who are saying that they can't understand Kendrick Lamar.

Speaker 1 All right, well,

Speaker 3 there's so much shit I want to tell you guys about, but I just can't fucking talk about it until the shit is over. That's just how it fucking works.

Speaker 3 I'm gonna, at some point, tell you an absolutely fucking hilarious story

Speaker 3 about trying to find a gym to work out in in New York City.

Speaker 3 Ah, fuck it. I'm going to tell you a little bit about it.
You know, I love taking steams, and I love going into the fucking sauna. You know what I mean? It's really good for you.

Speaker 3 There's studies out there. Studies have said that it's great for your heart, and it really, you know, if you do it a couple times a week, it really staves off like heart disease.

Speaker 3 All right, I'm an old dad. This is an important thing for me.
But like, you just, you cannot use a steam room or a dry sauna in a gym. You can do it at a spa, I feel, if there's a lot of women there

Speaker 3 and couples, you can use it. or you can use it at a hotel.

Speaker 3 But you in no way, shape, or form can use a sauna or a fucking steam room at a gym because there's gonna be two guys in there having a fucking sword fight, or they just did, and there's a fucking sign outside the thing, and the place is temporarily closed.

Speaker 3 You cannot fucking believe how many fucking gyms

Speaker 3 we were trying to find,

Speaker 3 and there would be like a sign where it would just say, like, the steam room, do the steam room is closed indefinitely due to ongoing

Speaker 3 inappropriate behavior.

Speaker 3 And it's just like, for the fucking life of me,

Speaker 3 I don't understand why anybody

Speaker 3 in any way, gay or straight, would want to have fucking sex in a fucking steam room.

Speaker 3 The fungus, the athlete's foot, the planter's wart, the fucking shit that you can get off of that floor. You're taking your dick out.

Speaker 3 Not only will I not go into a sauna without flip-flops on, I won't go in there unless they're mine. My flip-flops.

Speaker 3 I'm not even using the other ones because I don't trust that they fucking wash the other ones properly.

Speaker 3 So,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I just think I'm convinced that that's all just closeted married guys.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? I mean, Jesus fucking Christ. What are you doing?

Speaker 3 I don't know. Like, maybe some people get turned on with the idea of fucking in the rainforest.
Is that what it is?

Speaker 3 And you just don't have the money to go down there with somebody, or you don't want to deal with the wildlife, you know?

Speaker 3 Being in the middle of having sex with whatever the hell you're into, and all of a sudden some jaguar jumps on your back or a fucking anaconda.

Speaker 3 I don't know. I don't get it, but I really feel like if because other people are fucking having inappropriate

Speaker 3 you know behavior in the sauna that like

Speaker 3 everyone else who's not fucking in the sauna should get a discount because part of my the fee for working out there is is fucking

Speaker 3 that you you get you know you gave me the tour you said there's a sauna and a dry sauna

Speaker 3 you know

Speaker 3 You didn't say if you could just fucking somehow navigate

Speaker 3 whatever the fucking appropriate is going behavior is going on in there, you can take a steam.

Speaker 3 You know, is that part of the tour where you go like, all right, you know, if you don't want to see psychologically scarring behavior, uh, try to come here during, is it better to come in during peak hours or because there's a lot of witnesses or non-peak hours?

Speaker 3 It's fucking out of control.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 I can't tell you that, but I'm going to tell you some fucking

Speaker 3 stories later.

Speaker 3 Anyway, what are you going to do? All right. Well, that's the podcast.
This is a few minutes short here.

Speaker 3 I got to go here, so I'm going to be late for work.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 3 I want to thank Jimmy Page for putting together that

Speaker 3 becoming Led Zeppelin thing. And I want to thank Paul McCartney for doing that small show.
I want to thank Josh Adam Myers for getting me a ticket. It was unbelievable.
It was life-changing.

Speaker 3 I will never forget that concert. It made me want to,

Speaker 3 it made me feel great. I felt amazing.
I was floating when I was coming out of there.

Speaker 3 And the fact that Paul McCartney can still do that over 60 years into his career is really inspiring, and it's something I'm so happy I got a chance to experience. All right, that is the podcast.

Speaker 3 Listen to the music picked out by Andrew Themlis, and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast coming out.

Speaker 3 After this, Moto GP starts soon, so does F1.

Speaker 3 Baseball season's coming up, and basketball,

Speaker 3 what do we got? We got March Madness. Bill, we know what we got.
I don't know. I get excited because everybody gets all sad when football's over, but there's still a lot of good shit out there.

Speaker 3 All right, that's it. Have a great weekend, you can't, and I'll check in on you on

Speaker 1 And stops my mind from wandering

Speaker 1 where it will go.

Speaker 1 I'm filling the cracks that ran through the door

Speaker 1 and kept my mind from wandering

Speaker 1 where it will go.

Speaker 1 and it really doesn't matter, keep on all in right. Hey, what's going on? What's going on? It's Bill Bird.
It's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, February 13th, 2017. What's going on?

Speaker 1 How are you? How y'all? How are you doing over there?

Speaker 1 Why is it, why is Friday the 13th unlucky and Monday the 13th? Oh, Oh, that's just fucking fine.

Speaker 1 You know, who's the pussy who came up with that one? You think Monday the 13th, fuck, unlucky 13th, and it's Monday. And I got five fucking days in front of me.
I have to work.

Speaker 1 Friday the 13th, who gives a shit?

Speaker 1 You stub your toe a couple of times, and next thing you know, you're at the TGI Fridays, right?

Speaker 1 You're down there eyeballing one of the ladies.

Speaker 1 You know, you come up to her, you tell her you like her striped shirt.

Speaker 1 Start bitching about the horrible day you had. You know, and she's a woman, so she'll listen to it.

Speaker 1 She'll kick into that motherly instinct, unless she already has kids and then she doesn't have time for it.

Speaker 1 You know, then she looks in and just says, listen, I'm ain't sucking your dick, all right, so just get the fuck out of here. And then you move on to something younger.
Isn't that how it goes?

Speaker 1 Why? What is so fucking unlucky? You know what? I didn't even know I was going to, I got to look this up now. Why is Friday the 13th unlucky? Hang on, let me hit pause for a second.

Speaker 1 All right, before I just looked it up, I didn't read any.

Speaker 1 I just got to the Google thing where they got whatever it is on the first page. All right, who's kidding who?

Speaker 1 With the internet, whatever the fact is, the fact is whatever you look up within the first two fucking clicks on the first page becomes the truth. That's it.

Speaker 1 Okay, so that's what the fuck I'm looking at.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 If the right answer to any question

Speaker 1 is fucking beyond what you have to scroll down on the first page of any subject of the internet, it's over. No one's ever going going to know the truth.
Because who the fuck ever goes to page 14?

Speaker 1 Not even journalists do that. They don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm going to say it either has to do with

Speaker 1 it's got to be religious. It's got to be religious.
Jesus did something.

Speaker 1 He always had bad Fridays, didn't he? No, he had a good Friday. Today's Good Friday.
What happened on Good Friday? Did the rock roll back?

Speaker 1 And he came walking out?

Speaker 1 you know, like one of those fucking movies where they thought they killed the guy and he didn't, and then he comes back. Except not like Tom Sawyer fucking creep hanging out at his own funeral.

Speaker 1 I was done with that kid once he did that shit. I was like, this kid's a fucking weirdo.

Speaker 1 All right, Friday the 13th. Why is it unlucky and other facts about the worst day in the calendar?

Speaker 1 In the calendar? Not on the calendar? We're in it. We're not in it.
We're not on it. All right, Friday the 13th, considered by many as one of the unluckiest days of the year, is almost here again.

Speaker 1 This is from January 2017.

Speaker 1 Oh, shit. January 13th.
Well, fuck, nothing happened to us if he's still alive.

Speaker 1 If you're worried about what's in store,

Speaker 1 what the fuck in 2017?

Speaker 1 Here's some of the fun facts.

Speaker 1 When is the next Friday the 13th? No, why, stupid?

Speaker 1 All right, biblical origins. All right, of course.
It always goes back to the Bible. Oh, Jesus, dad's mad.
Dad's coming home. He's not in a good fucking mood.
He had a bad week.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Of course, it's the kid's fault. Stupid cunt.
He tried to build everything in six fucking days.

Speaker 1 Typical do-it-yourself job. Why didn't you farm it out to someone who knew what the fuck they were doing? Built the thing up to code, you dope.

Speaker 1 Fucking sticking a steel beam in the middle of a fucking wood wall. Yeah, everything above it is supported better.
What about below it, Dad? What about below it?

Speaker 1 The fuck did this music come from?

Speaker 1 All right, let's read with this music on in the background.

Speaker 1 The superstition about this day

Speaker 1 is thought to have. I can't do this.

Speaker 1 It's thought to have come about.

Speaker 1 All right, that's enough of that. During the Middle Ages, and many have biblical origins, some historians have claimed it was the day on which Eve bit the apple from the tree of Noah.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Holy, that just scared the shit out of me, Nia.

Speaker 1 The lovely Nia, everybody. Oh, with my beautiful daughter.
Two lovely ladies.

Speaker 1 What's going on?

Speaker 1 I thought you were done. Sorry.
No, I was watching the videos that people sent me this week. What's going on? Are you going to drop her off? No.

Speaker 1 I can't do the podcast the way I talk. That's why I was in here with the door closed.
It's a pocket door, by the way, if you wonder why it just squeaked like we live in a haunted house.

Speaker 1 No, I just found found another. I just saw another place that I wanted to show you that maybe you wanted to order from.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Just order me something remotely healthy. Okay.
Something to stave off the calories I consume in alcohol. Okay.
Would you like some sort of like a bowl like with rice and tofu and that sort of thing?

Speaker 1 I hate tofu. It's got to be a real dead animal of vegetables.
Okay, so

Speaker 1 you want meat, so I shouldn't order from a vegan place then. I like vegan as long as there's none of that tofu.
I don't understand what that stuff is.

Speaker 1 That's like the type of shit that they seal caps with.

Speaker 1 Tofu? Yeah, so liquid doesn't leak out. It's not good for you.
Tofu's not good for you? No. Are you sure you're thinking of tofu or are you thinking of?

Speaker 1 Tofu doesn't come from a tree, does it? There's no tofu trees.

Speaker 1 I thought tofu was made from soybeans.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but isn't soy bad for you? Not always.

Speaker 1 I have no idea. Let me get your phone for you.
I don't know. If you're going to order from a vegan place, just get me vegetables.
Shit that I,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I know what it is. I don't know what tofu is.

Speaker 1 It's like fucking algae or something.

Speaker 1 All right, shuffles.

Speaker 1 Nia, do you know why Friday the 13th is unlucky? Why? I don't know either. I've been reading about it here.

Speaker 1 They try to say that Eve fucking maybe bit the apple. Oh, please.
They were in paradise. There was no calendar.
What do they have to worry about? There's no bills. They didn't have to go to work.

Speaker 1 It's a woman's fault, right? You know? What did they do and fucking eat? Oh, shit, Monday.

Speaker 1 Same shit, different day. It's fucking paradise

Speaker 1 I also don't understand why if it was paradise why they had a fucking snake in there trying to fuck everything up

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that's on God

Speaker 1 They're not two separate God made everything he also made he also made the cunt of all cunts did he not

Speaker 1 So the devil was basically a bad hire? Yes. They came back and tried to take his company down.
All right. Exactly.
Okay, let me finish reading this. Okay, in the New Testament,

Speaker 1 I love how they blame the woman. Like, that's why everything's all fucked up.
I mean, without a doubt, if you told a broad to not go over there and eat the fucking apple, she's going to be intrigued.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 1 like a guy wouldn't. Whatever you do.
That's the classic thing, like a substitute teaching. Whatever you do, don't laugh.
Next person who laughs gets detention. That's it.
You're done.

Speaker 1 You're fucking squeezing your nose. nose.

Speaker 1 Doing that fucking little kid laugh. That's it, Nixino.
You're missing a week of

Speaker 1 recess. That's why you got all these fat fucking kids.

Speaker 1 The regular teacher takes the day off. The substitute teacher creates the tension.

Speaker 1 The one skinny kid starts laughing and then he's done. He's eating that fucking food

Speaker 1 down the cafeteria that's got all the preservatives in it. Do you know if you fucking kill somebody and nobody figures it out, you're not in the clear for a good 40 years.

Speaker 1 That's how they're digging people up from 12 years ago, and then it's like they took a fucking nap.

Speaker 1 Hey, I tell you, these people, they're full of preservatives, you know? All right. In the New Testament, there were 13 people present for Jesus, Jesus' Last Supper,

Speaker 1 on Maundy, Thursday.

Speaker 1 Maundy, M-A-U-N-D-Y? Is that some other fucking day of the week they used to have? What do you mean in the New Testament? That wasn't in the Old Testament? Oh, wait a minute. We fucked up.

Speaker 1 Thought there was 12, there's 13. The day before Christ's crucifixion on Good Friday.

Speaker 1 Oh, Good Friday. So he went out, he had a couple of beers, he had a good fucking time, and the next thing you know, he got the old right there, Fred.
All right, more bad luck.

Speaker 1 On Friday, October 13th, 1307,

Speaker 1 Philip IV of France,

Speaker 1 shouldn't be

Speaker 1 Philippe Lescat,

Speaker 1 arrested hundreds of the Knights Templar.

Speaker 1 Well, what the fuck? What did they do? In his novel Da Vinci Code, Dan Brown cites the 14th century execution. Oh, who gives a fuck? You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You know something?

Speaker 1 It's just all bullshit. That's what it is.
You always knew it was. I'm trying to think of anything bad has ever happened on the 13th.
But I pay up Vadam V get bad luck today.

Speaker 1 Fucking old ladies keeping that shit going. That's what it is.
Oh, by the way,

Speaker 1 really good friend of mine and one of the fucking best comedians I've ever seen, Nick DiPaulo, the great Nick DiPaulo.

Speaker 1 He has a new stand-up special, a new one-hour stand-up special that's debuting this Thursday,

Speaker 1 February 16th at 8 p.m. on CISO TV called Inflammatory.

Speaker 1 I don't get to watch him as much since I'm out here, but he is somebody. Last time I worked with him was at Comics Come Home.
Once again, legendary set.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 that's it. He's just one of those fucking guys.
He's just, he's the guy.

Speaker 1 He's the shit, and he's got a new special on CISO. Check it out.
Thursday, Friday,

Speaker 1 Thursday, February 16th at 8 p.m. It's called Inflammatory.
And he also used to host a show with

Speaker 1 Artie Lang, and now he's doing his own podcast.

Speaker 1 To subscribe to his podcast, you can go to ConnectPal,

Speaker 1 C-O-N-N-E-C-T pal.com slash nick.

Speaker 1 All right, there we go. So,

Speaker 1 you know what the fuck I did today? You know what my dumb ass did today? Aside getting on the elliptical, which was a good thing.

Speaker 1 All right, I took my life insurance fucking test.

Speaker 1 This guy had a problem hitting my vein. He goes, you're going to bruise a little bit.
You should see me. I look like,

Speaker 1 I don't look like I've been doing smack. I just look like somebody just pinched my fucking inside of my elbow

Speaker 1 really fucking hard.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so I did all that.

Speaker 1 What a shit show that was.

Speaker 1 Fucking guy sitting there going, do you drink at all? Right? And like,

Speaker 1 he's got his back to my bar, which I told you is murderer's row.

Speaker 1 The bottles I have there, I told you right now, I put it up against the 27 Yankees, the 96 Bulls. Let's go to some underrated teams.

Speaker 1 The 8376ers, somehow lost in history about how fucking great they were, right?

Speaker 1 The 86 Celtics, the 85 Lakers,

Speaker 1 the fucking 2016 New England Patriots,

Speaker 1 the 98 Yankees. That was a great team before they fucking free agent their weight.

Speaker 1 I mean, speaking of which, the Red Sox are doing that this year. It's a good year to get the package.
No matter what, you're going to be entertained.

Speaker 1 You either get to watch like a fucking $900 million team shit the bed or just, you know, there is no Santa Claus. We're buying it.
One or the other. Either way, it's going to be dramatic.

Speaker 1 So anyways, I got a,

Speaker 1 such a funny question. How many drinks, do you? I don't fucking know.

Speaker 1 Do I have a pocket protector? I don't count them.

Speaker 1 I like, you know, they always, you know what's funny? They fucking say having a glass of wine with your meal is actually good for you. You know what I mean? So, I mean, I don't understand that.

Speaker 1 Do you smoke? Yeah, yeah, a little bit.

Speaker 1 Just fucking lying your ass off.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 If you imagine anybody, even the fucking people who work there, if you answered any of those questions fucking honestly, you know what I mean? All right. Bruins.

Speaker 1 And I probably shouldn't be talking about this. Who gives a shit? There's a comedy podcast.
These are all jokes, everybody.

Speaker 1 This is what I did today. My fucking dumbass did today so you know i'm gonna

Speaker 1 be the person uh presenter at the writer's guild

Speaker 1 no the the

Speaker 1 yeah the writers guild awards thing right

Speaker 1 and uh

Speaker 1 so they say it's a black tie thing and i'm like ah fuck i gotta get a fucking tuxedo so i call up by the time i call up it's too late to get one So Nia googles some pictures and everybody seems like relaxed, like they're just wearing suits with the black tie.

Speaker 1 So I say, fuck it, I'll wear one of my suits. So I pull out a suit, I get the shirt, we do the whole fucking thing, I got it to go and all that.
So today I'm dressing up.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm hanging with my daughter. I'm putting my time in, you know, because I'm going to be gone for three, four hours.
And Nia's going to be handling it by herself.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to go out and go do this fucking Hollywood thing, right? And I'm sitting there, and I know, you know, the red carpet and everything's between three and four.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, I can't, I don't know when the fuck the car's coming to pick me up. I'm all dressed up, ready to go, you know, two o'clock, 2.05, 2.10, 2.15.

Speaker 1 I'm texting people, hey, when's this car coming to to get me? 225. I walk outside.
I'm looking around. I don't see anybody.

Speaker 1 I'm just sitting there, and it finally dawns on me. I'm like, wait a minute.
And I just looked up the date of the fucking award show. It's next Sunday.

Speaker 1 Isn't that hilarious? You know the funny thing about it is his Nia got mad at me.

Speaker 1 Why don't you write things down? Who gives a f?

Speaker 1 It's not, I didn't miss it. I just was a little early.
And now I I know, you know,

Speaker 1 I know that, you know, I know what I'm going to wear. Now, I'm actually way ahead of the game because I fucked up.
What do you want from me?

Speaker 1 Anyway, speaking of, this is something I got to let you guys know about

Speaker 1 the Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit, the fifth annual

Speaker 1 Patrice O'Neal Comedy Benefit.

Speaker 1 We're actually going to be releasing some

Speaker 1 tickets, some high-quality tickets, I guess you you say, some really good seats. And we're going to be doing that Monday, today, if you're listening to it on Monday.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, what the fucking opening of the door there? Because it's ridiculous, that's why. What is ridiculous?

Speaker 1 How am I trashing you? Because you were saying, like, I got mad at you because you. Come here, come here, come here, come, come in here, come in here, come in here.
Don't yell, don't yell.

Speaker 1 You got the kid there.

Speaker 1 What? It's absolutely absurd for you to not know when things are anymore. It's like you're a grown-ass man and you got all dressed to go to the.
Why is it always grown-ass?

Speaker 1 Why can't you say you're grown-up? I can say whatever I want to say, and I'm choosing to say that you're a grown-ass man who can't seem to write anything down. Is that because you're a strong woman?

Speaker 1 To the point where you're going to get all dressed up and be like, oh, what am I going to wear? This, that, and the other. And then you come downstairs five minutes later, like, well,

Speaker 1 it's next week. Like, what's wrong with you? You need to get it together.
It's not cute.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's like the first thing I've screwed up like that in a long time. I have a bunch of events in my phone, right in the calendar section.

Speaker 1 You're always forgetting when things are, and you're always getting the dates wrong, and it's frustrating. It's just annoying.

Speaker 1 All right, but how am I doing as a dad? What does that have to do with anything? You're doing amazingly as a dad. All right, well, stop acting like I'm in some shooting heroin in an alley.

Speaker 1 I'm not acting like you're shooting heroin in an alley, but you just need, I just don't understand why you can't ever get your schedule straight you're always getting the dates wrong you're like oh it's tomorrow not today it's next week not this week like I don't I don't get it yeah I'm busy and I don't have an assistant

Speaker 1 you well you should get an assistant I don't want another person to talk to

Speaker 1 I've been telling you to get an assistant for like three years now because of this very reason Nia you want to hear all the shit I did this week that I made totally got there on time no

Speaker 1 you don't okay you know why Because that would prove my point. If I was a baseball.

Speaker 1 What is your point exactly? 99% of shit, I get there on time. 99%? That's a little bit.
98.

Speaker 1 No, and you did get mad at me. I'm not.
I did. Well, then, what's the problem? Why did you have to dramatically open our squeaky pocket door to come in here and insert yourself on the podcast?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Are you done? Are you kicking me out now? Are you almost done? No, I've just started. Oh, you just started? Well, people send me.
Oh, no, I'm 17 minutes in. Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 Well, I came up here to watch the Grammys, but I can't turn the TV on now, right? It'll bother me. Watch the Grammys.
Okay, I'm going to.

Speaker 1 Is there going to be a bunch of people like writing new verses about how Trump's the most evil thing ever?

Speaker 1 There's some chick that showed up on the red carpet wearing a sparkly dress that said make America great again and then Trump on the back of it.

Speaker 1 I don't know who she is, but everyone's already like, what? Oh my God.

Speaker 1 She's like, just for somebody to show up at a Hollywood event like that in a dress that says like you know it's pro-Trump is pretty

Speaker 1 pretty paint by numbers shock

Speaker 1 I guess so I don't know do you think she'll get some free press out of that I think she will was she wearing Madonna's beret no she was not

Speaker 1 I'm going to a protest what should I wear

Speaker 1 no she's wearing a pro-Trump a pro-Trump dress is what I'm saying. I know, I know, because that other shit is played out.
They're acting like the sky is falling.

Speaker 1 So now they're going to go the other direction. Yeah, I know, but I feel like that's not gonna be like good press for her.
You know what I mean? Hey, tots, any press is good press.

Speaker 1 It's how this dirty town works. Yeah, I guess so.
Okay, or you could just put out a good album. Right.
And not rely on your stupid clothes.

Speaker 1 Yeah, if you put out a good album, you can keep your clothes on. You don't have to say who you voted for.
You can just go up there and accept your shiny thing. That's true.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm going to take the baby. Okay.
Okay, good-bye. Okay, bye-bye.

Speaker 1 Anyways.

Speaker 1 Hi, everybody. I'm Podcast.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 If you pull the door lower, it doesn't squeak as much. See, there you go.

Speaker 1 See that?

Speaker 1 You almost did it.

Speaker 1 You can watch the Grammys near. Go ahead.

Speaker 1 Anyways.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, I'm going to fuck this up. The two fucking best channels right now,

Speaker 1 in my

Speaker 1 not humble opinion hey people say in my humble opinion like you're a humble person you're not you're injecting your fucking ideas most likely into a conversation that you just overheard or is that just me in my opinion I don't know when the humble came about you know hey you know who am I who am I who are you you're the fucking guy that is is you know holding court right now with with your opinions there's nothing fucking humble about this you're shining a spotlight on yourself

Speaker 1 you know I'm actually in a good mood too hang on a second Let me fucking find this stuff. There's two fucking channels out there.
Viceland is the shit. I already told you about that.

Speaker 1 And now, what's his face?

Speaker 1 Puffy has a new network. Puffy's, you cunt.

Speaker 1 Puffy's network.

Speaker 1 They said net worth. Revolt is another great fucking channel.
Both of those channels remind me of the early days of MTV.

Speaker 1 The early days of MTV was somewhere between,

Speaker 1 obviously, regular television and then just basic cable, fucking lunatics, which I really miss. I remember I used to watch this guy,

Speaker 1 Damon Zex.

Speaker 1 I talked about this a long time ago in the Opi and Anthony show. He used to pretend he was running for office.

Speaker 1 Damon

Speaker 1 Zex. There it is.
There it is. This guy was a fucking superstar.
I think it was channel eight

Speaker 1 There he is. I love this fucking guy

Speaker 1 This is this isn't gonna translate well d-a-m-o-n-z-e-x and he used to do this thing where he would pretend that he was running for office

Speaker 1 This crazy makeup on and just saying all this fucked up shit and me and Bobby Kelly were living together and stone sober. We would just watch that guy

Speaker 1 like late night after we did our spots, just ordered Chinese food and would just sit there watching the guy laughing our asses off and fucking getting freaked out.

Speaker 1 I don't know, but the early days of MTV was like that, and I haven't seen, you know, network television or basic cable be like that in a long time. And I got to tell you, those two fucking channels

Speaker 1 just great. A bunch of random shit in there, original shows.

Speaker 1 I don't know, Puffy's channel's more like I just sat there watching it, and it was that guy, what the fuck's his name? Not Mike Jones.

Speaker 1 The guy's really killer Mike, Killer Mike, and I guess the guy he raps with is white. I don't know anything about, but they fucking just filmed him.
They just sat around talking about their albums.

Speaker 1 One guy's smoking weed. He has like a fucking coughing fit.
For like 30 seconds, they don't even edit it out.

Speaker 1 And I was just sitting there, and I'm like two hours into this thing going, how the fuck am am I still watching this? But it was way more interesting than a lot of, I don't know. I like it.

Speaker 1 Check it out.

Speaker 1 If you like it, you like it. Whatever.
What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 Anyways, all right,

Speaker 1 let's talk about the world of sports as I always do, as I eventually do, as I always make my way back to, the old Bread and Circus here.

Speaker 1 Bruce Cassidy, new coach of the Boston Bruins, former player, came up with the Blackhawks in like the 80s and unfortunately had like three or four knee injuries. This is all I know about the guy.

Speaker 1 And then he paid his fucking dues as a coach coming up. My favorite stop that he had on the way up, he coached for the Jacksonville Lizard Kinks,

Speaker 1 which, you know,

Speaker 1 I'm throwing my vote in. That's one of the best

Speaker 1 fucking names for a minor league team, huh? The Lizard Kinks. It's a reference to the Doors.

Speaker 1 They got a bunch of reptiles in Florida, and fucking Jim Morrison got arrested in Florida for allegedly taking his dick out, also known in some circles as your lizard.

Speaker 1 And who doesn't want to be a king? You know, you got the Sacramento Kings, you got the L.A. Kinks, and you got the Jacksonville Lizard Kinks.

Speaker 1 Anyways, he's undefeated so far.

Speaker 1 You know, granted, you know, we were playing our best hockey, I felt of the season when he took over, but this is the new guy. You know, I got to support there.

Speaker 1 What's his face? Pasanark with the fucking

Speaker 1 with the game winner

Speaker 1 against the Vancouver Canucks. After he made a very sketchy pass in the first period, he makes it up.
It's fucking unbelievable.

Speaker 1 Came down the fucking left side, slammed on the brakes, just like I do in pickup hockey, except he actually stopped rather than continuing into the boards and hurting himself.

Speaker 1 And then fucking little, whatever the fuck he did, and he put it in. It was fantastic.
Oh, it was tremendous.

Speaker 1 But I got to tell you guys about the greatest sporting event I think I've been to since I went to the

Speaker 1 New England Patriots versus Los Angeles Rams when we won our first Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 And all I can tell you about Duke

Speaker 1 at Cameron Indoor Arena, it's like

Speaker 1 how loud the crowd was when Vinatieri

Speaker 1 kicked that field goal. It was that loud the whole fucking game

Speaker 1 i've never been to anything like it and we sat in the low we were sitting center court i thought we were gonna be behind the bench sorry about that we were center court

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 not on the student side across from them in the lower area and dude i'll tell you there's no fucking way to get out of there there's no way to go to the bathroom there's no way to fucking there's nobody coming around to concessions you are fucked you are in there and that is it old school fucking barn um

Speaker 1 You went in. It's so small.
I guess it holds like 9,000 people, but you felt like you were in there with like 200 people. And we came in

Speaker 1 and it was already,

Speaker 1 they were already shooting around before the game.

Speaker 1 And we finally got to our seats. Like, you just don't think that your seats are even going to be there because everybody's so jammed in.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we didn't sit down for the whole fucking game. I started sitting down during timeouts because I'm old.
And I got to tell you,

Speaker 1 I've never seen an atmosphere like that ever. This beats everything.
I've been to the NCAA,

Speaker 1 the championship game. It was in the fucking Georgia dome, so I mean, that's a shitty place to watch a basketball game.
Even if people are going nuts, it just floats up to the top of

Speaker 1 the dome and you don't even hear it.

Speaker 1 I've just, I...

Speaker 1 I don't even know what, I don't even know where to begin. And then it was an unbelievable game, just back and forth, back and forth.

Speaker 1 When it looked like UNC was going to pull away, Duke would come back. Then it looked like Duke was going to have the game on ice, and then UNC would come back.

Speaker 1 Somebody hit a three, someone else would hit a fucking three. It was unbelievable, and I was very impressed with both teams.
I like that kid on UNC, number 44. He doesn't rattle.

Speaker 1 He doesn't fucking act like he changed the game of basketball when he hits a shot. All he gave a fuck about was winning.
He hit some big three-pointer. And then they immediately called timeout.

Speaker 1 Rather than thumping his own chest and acting like he's in Braveheart,

Speaker 1 he came back to the bench high five, but you see, he was pissed because they just had just let up an easy bucket before he hit his three.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know shit about anything.
But if I was a scout, I would pay attention to that just as much as somebody actually doing great things out on the court. And

Speaker 1 it was insane, dude.

Speaker 1 Fucking Coach K coming out.

Speaker 1 It reminded me

Speaker 1 I went to the Kings game when they wrapped it up one time to win a Stanley Cup and I saw them bring the Stanley Cup out.

Speaker 1 It was like that, except it could walk around talking.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I want to thank Mike Hall at the Comedy Zone in Charlotte for two awesome shows and thank you so much for getting us in touch with the person that hooked us up with the tickets.

Speaker 1 Me, Verzi, and Bardnik were all sitting there going, I think that might have been

Speaker 1 the greatest sporting event I went to. Obviously, seeing the Patriots win the Super Bowl was bigger, but

Speaker 1 the level of excitement, like I just never

Speaker 1 been to anything like that. And if you ever get a fucking chance,

Speaker 1 that is definitely one worth stub hubbing.

Speaker 1 Oh, the college fucking, the students were crazy, and they had all these funny chants.

Speaker 1 And I'm sure everybody's going to say, oh, they stole this from you, they stole this from this guy, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't fucking know, but it was making me laugh.

Speaker 1 You know, when they were introducing the UNC players,

Speaker 1 I'll just use my name. They just say, playing fucking point guard number fucking zero, Bill Burr.
And then the whole student section just goes, hi, Bill, you suck.

Speaker 1 And they just did it through the whole thing. It was childish.

Speaker 1 It was fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 They started chanting. I couldn't tell what they were chanting.
And then I gradually figured it out. It was crazy towel guy.
I was like, crazy? What the fuck are they saying? Crazy what?

Speaker 1 And people start turning around looking at us. And then I realize they're looking, be honest.

Speaker 1 We look up and all of a sudden this fucking old guy gets up, starts whipping this towel around his head, this old fucking lunatic.

Speaker 1 I'm like, oh, I guess that's, I guess that's the crazy towel guy, right?

Speaker 1 So it's going back and forth, back and forth, all these crazy chants. You let your whole team down, all of this shit.
And next thing you know, it's like halftime.

Speaker 1 We're sitting there going, like, dude, what the fuck was that? That was 20 minutes of basketball. That felt like a minute.

Speaker 1 My ears were ringing like I'd gone to a concert, and there was still another half to play.

Speaker 1 Then all of a sudden this Asian lady comes out this Asian lady Coming out on like a fucking three-story Unicycle and she's doing that act where you fucking you flip the saucer onto your head

Speaker 1 Okay, which I had seen before. I've seen the act done before.
I've never seen it live, but was fucking hilarious Verzi and Bartneck had never seen that

Speaker 1 Not saying I wasn't blown away. I was definitely blown away.
So she she goes to like flip it on her head now first of all You you know, when you stop on a unicycle, you can't just stop.

Speaker 1 You got to do that front, back, front, back, front, back, doing. Now she's doing that with one foot on the fucking pedal.

Speaker 1 She's got a goddamn soup bowl on one of her, the end of her feet, on her toes, the end of your feet. A lot of people notice your toes, right?

Speaker 1 So everybody's sitting there, right? She fucking flips it. It does like a triple Lindy and lands on the top of her head.
And everybody's just like, oh, shit, right?

Speaker 1 So then she fucking, with the thing still on her fucking head, the little soup kitchen cup there, right?

Speaker 1 She rides down to the other corner of the basketball court. Now she puts two down.
Now Verzee starts going, no way, no fucking way, no fucking way.

Speaker 1 Right there, Fred, it fucking lands. Whole crown.
Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Then she goes to do three. So she's got one upright, the other's upside down, the other's upright, just going like right up her fucking shin.

Speaker 1 And she fucking landed that, and Verzee stood up.

Speaker 1 You ever see when black people go to church and what do they call it, catching the Holy Ghost? That's what looked like happened to Paul Verse.

Speaker 1 Everybody was sitting down. Versee stood up and applauded.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking dying laughing. She goes to four balls.
Everybody's like, no shit. Four balls go in the air, land right on her head.
One, two, three, four. Whole crowd.
What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 Then she goes down. down her closing bit

Speaker 1 not one not two not three or four she puts five fucking soup bowls it's all the way up to her knee okay oh I forgot to tell you this this guy's like flipping the bowls so he flipped one to her and he fucking threw it too short and she dropped it and I was going ah fuck he just jinxed her he just fucked with the rhythm It's like calling a timeout to ice the kicker.

Speaker 1 So she's got five. Flips them up in the fucking air.
One, two, three, four, and the fifth one bounced off her head. Everybody's like, ah,

Speaker 1 oh, geez, there is no Santa Claus, right?

Speaker 1 You know what she said? She said, fuck that, set him up again, right?

Speaker 1 Teaching these kids, these fucking millennials, or whatever the fuck you call these kids nowadays, these kids who grew up with knee pads, elbow pads, and helmets when they rode bicycles.

Speaker 1 They had play dates.

Speaker 1 They weren't left alone in the company of adults that no one really knew who they were. These kids were sheltered.
They don't know how to make a comeback. These kids get drunk.
They call Uber, right?

Speaker 1 Everything's just set up for them. So they don't know how to fucking pull themselves off the mat.
You know?

Speaker 1 Well, let me tell you something. This lady on this one fucking tired bicycle, she showed them how because she said, hey, fuckhead.

Speaker 1 I don't give a shit that you throw me five more. She set him up again, right? Flipped him in the air, landed all five.
fucking place goes nuts

Speaker 1 just as loud as the goddamn almost as loud as the fucking game there was no break there was no break in the excitement that fucking ends we're looking going what the fuck did we just see and out comes coach k fucking duke and unc and it gets loud again more chanting more singing more fucking screaming

Speaker 1 Came all the way down. Duke finally put the game away with like a fucking minute left with a couple of foul shots.
And I just sat there in the last few seconds when I knew that Duke was going to win.

Speaker 1 And I just looked around, looked at everything I could look at, try to make as enough mental pictures as I could to take it in.

Speaker 1 Because I knew, I was just like, I don't know if I'll ever get back to seeing one of these again. But

Speaker 1 I don't know. If that didn't sell you, I'd fucking, you got to do it.
That is, dude, fuck. Madison Square Garden.
It's a mecca. Fuck that place.
You can go down there and see the fucking ice capades.

Speaker 1 Save your money. Go on StubHub.

Speaker 1 All right, go on StubHub and just get yourself some tickets and go there. You will not be disappointed.
And you got to go while Coach K is still there, who, by the way,

Speaker 1 I believe tomorrow, the 13th, is his 70th birthday.

Speaker 1 How great does that guy look?

Speaker 1 Fucking guy looks like he's like maybe a year younger, two years older than me. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Who would have thought with

Speaker 1 a job that stressful, you could still look that good, you know?

Speaker 1 Anyways, let me read a little bit of advertising. All right.

Speaker 1 And with that.

Speaker 1 You know, this thing is just really not responding the way it used to.

Speaker 1 Is it time for a new laptop?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Do I have anything else? Hey, what is all this attacking on fake news lately? I don't understand it. Why is the government getting so mad at fake news? It's so fucking hilarious watching them

Speaker 1 getting upset about that.

Speaker 1 Hey, don't read their fake news. Read our fake news.
Read our version of the fucking. It's all fake fucking news.

Speaker 1 Have you ever gotten into a car accident? Little fender bender and the cop shows up? Are you a police officer? Have you ever heard two people tell you the exact same story?

Speaker 1 This fucking guy, he came out of fucking nowhere. Then you go over the other guy.
What happened? I came out of fucking nowhere. I wasn't even looking.

Speaker 1 Never happens.

Speaker 1 It's all fake news. It's all opinions, right?

Speaker 1 For the most part, other than, you know, if somebody dies, this guy is fucking dead, okay?

Speaker 1 You can agree on that. How he died, why he died, who's responsible.
Oh, Jesus Christ, Bill, we get it. Okay, that's all I'm saying.

Speaker 1 That's all I'm really saying here. All right,

Speaker 1 let's get to the content here.

Speaker 1 Read

Speaker 1 some of your letters here. All right.
Yoko Ono makes Julian Lennon buy letters he wrote to his dad at auction.

Speaker 1 All right, Bill, is there a worse woman in history? I hate to be hacky. I know the Beatles' days were numbered.
It wasn't just her, but it didn't help.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but at the end of the day, John chose her.

Speaker 1 This is what happened. Something happened between John and his mom.
She died, or she fucking, I don't know, she beat him with a wooden spoon. I forget how the fucking story went.

Speaker 1 Alright, but whatever she did, or if she died, it's not her fault. It left him with the psychological makeup to be susceptible to not trying to just find a mate.
He also wanted a mom.

Speaker 1 And all she had to do was make some cookies, right?

Speaker 1 Make him some cookies on his fucking birthday, whatever the fuck he wanted. And then that was it.
This guy was done.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 1 I think he would, you know, if he lived.

Speaker 1 They somewhere in his mid-40s. He just would have been like, all right, you know what?

Speaker 1 What the fuck was that? Maybe he would have got out. Maybe he liked it.
I have no idea. But anyways, let's continue.
He said, then there's the video

Speaker 1 where you call her out for screeching like a maniac during a powerful moment in history. Now she won't give her husband's son some paper he gave his dad 20 years earlier.

Speaker 1 This story might be a bit old, but it doesn't seem to make

Speaker 1 But it doesn't make it any less true. I watched the clip.
What it is, was she auctioned off a bunch of his shit

Speaker 1 is what it is. she's not making him pay for it she sold it and Julian wants to get it back but because Yoko sold it

Speaker 1 he has to buy it back now I in defense of her what I would say is the cash cow died

Speaker 1 it's not like Yoko could go out and fucking sell take

Speaker 1 records like a Beetle So all of a sudden she's going like, holy fuck, how am I still going to be able to live in the Dakota? So she starts selling all his shit.

Speaker 1 or maybe her husband died and she wanted to fucking move on and didn't want to look at all his old shit. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I have no idea.

Speaker 1 But yeah, I watched a little of that video. Julian definitely goes hard on her and says that he thinks she's extremely manipulative and that

Speaker 1 she knew what the fuck she was doing from day one. And I can't remember if that's actually his mother.

Speaker 1 I don't know. How is he related?

Speaker 1 Who the fuck knows? I don't know.

Speaker 1 Is there a worse woman in history? Yeah, there's way worse women. There's women that ran empires and had people killed, you know,

Speaker 1 for whatever fucking reason. You know,

Speaker 1 the story of Scarface, the second one, the one that Pacino did, was based

Speaker 1 on a, you know, it was the original movie, but the stories that they used in the second one

Speaker 1 were based on

Speaker 1 a drug dealer of that time who actually was a woman. So, I mean, yeah, I would say she was worse.
You know, having people shot in the fucking street is probably worse than

Speaker 1 selling some postcards. But, you know, it's all up to interpretation.
You know, this is the new me, the new meditating Bill, the more relaxed Bill, who's undoing the fucking knots.

Speaker 1 of anxiety in his mind. I cannot say enough about fucking meditating.

Speaker 1 Now that I'm not trying to like get good at it, I'm just trying to do it.

Speaker 1 I don't flip out to the level I used to.

Speaker 1 I think, you know, say like 10 is the worst flipping out. I think I used to walk around,

Speaker 1 just walk around on a good day. I was already at a six

Speaker 1 compared to how most people are when they're just like totally chilling out. So it was a very quick and easy trip up to 10.

Speaker 1 Now I feel like I walk around it like a three.

Speaker 1 I feel like I've cut it in half. So now when I flip out, I kind of just go to six, which is still totally unacceptable for most social situations.

Speaker 1 I still flip out and people look over their shoulder startled, but not with the level of what the fuck.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 It reminds me this time I saw

Speaker 1 I was on like Highway 8 or something, Interstate 8.

Speaker 1 I think I was in Arizona or New Mexico. I don't know the fuck I was at.

Speaker 1 And this bull had somehow

Speaker 1 gotten free. I mean, I was in the middle of fucking nowhere.
I was...

Speaker 1 And there was two cowboys, right, on horses. And these are cowboys.
They're trying to fucking rope a goddamn bull, which I don't know if you can do. I don't know what the fuck they were doing.

Speaker 1 So one of them is trying to distract the bull. There's the other one is on a horse that is sneaking up behind it.

Speaker 1 And the horse is sneaking up the way horses sneak up in a fucking cartoon and this bull at the last second figured it out and he fucking turned around you know that look Bruce Willis always does when he looks over his shoulder and die hard it's the same thing except it was a fucking bull that's the look that people when I would lose my shit prior to meditating I would get that look

Speaker 1 everyone would fucking turn around like you know

Speaker 1 A skyscraper was on fire and it was just some fucking balding redhead flipping out because he couldn't figure out the new operating system on his on his smartphone

Speaker 1 Completely unacceptable. So my temper has really reduced.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, if I can just not fucking do, I just made this statement out loud. It's like, my daughter's not going to see me flipping out.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm not saying I want everyone, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, what she's fucking drawing on the wall at some point. But she's not going to see me yelling at computers.

Speaker 1 It's just not going to happen. Okay.
And I say it out loud. When I say it out loud, that means it happens.
Right?

Speaker 1 I hope so, anyways. I'm trying.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying. Anytime I talk about this to him, I stand up act that I'm going to try to fix my temper.
People just start laughing.

Speaker 1 They laugh and they point and they make me feel bad.

Speaker 1 All right. Italy and the European Union.

Speaker 1 Hey there, Capitol Hill Bill. I'm just a Bill.
Yes, I'm only a Bill. And I'm sitting here on Capitol Hill.

Speaker 1 And, okay, I'm a political science professor from a school I won't name to keep with your policy of not naming names.

Speaker 1 Having studied and taught the subject, it's fair to say I look at what goes on today from a much wider scope.

Speaker 1 Wider scope than who? Me? I would hope so. I would hope so wider than me.

Speaker 1 All right, and that's not something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science. Could you pat yourself on the back anymore, sir?

Speaker 1 Did your elbow patch fly off your fucking left arm of your sport coat when you reached back to...

Speaker 1 That is all. I love this guy.
And that's not only something that is only exclusive to receiving a master's in political science. This guy should be wearing a scarf with a nice breeze going.

Speaker 1 Anyone can read

Speaker 1 Solzhenitsyn. Thank you for fucking sound spelling that for me.

Speaker 1 And others who have honestly captured an important perspective of history and have a much clearer understanding of how and why governments and socialites have evolved through history.

Speaker 1 Anyways, there is one thing that has flown under the radar, now that I've gotten my resume out of the way, there's one thing that has flown under the radar, and I think it should scare the shit out of most European countries.

Speaker 1 All right, let me start by saying, in short, that the European Union, parentheses, which in my opinion is run by fascists with self-interest.

Speaker 1 Can I just stop here and say this is the most well-written fucking email I've ever received on the podcast?

Speaker 1 This is incredible.

Speaker 1 Let me start by saying in short that the European Union, which in my opinion is run by fascists with self-interest, tried to take control of Italy's army.

Speaker 1 For the sake of your time, I will spoil the ending. Italy did not vote to allow the EU to take over.

Speaker 1 That move by the EU alarmed some of my peers, who I, in 20 plus years of knowing them, have not seen them alarmed by anything in terms of government.

Speaker 1 In the scheme of things, a banking institution openly financing legislation that is trying to gain control of a foreign country's foreign government's military is, for the lack of a better term, really, really ballsy.

Speaker 1 Why do I feel like I missed some information here?

Speaker 1 Okay, so the European Union tried to take over Italy's army. Okay, I see that.

Speaker 1 Italy did not vote to allow the EU to take over.

Speaker 1 So when you joined the

Speaker 1 European Union, they to take over your army. Is that what you're saying?

Speaker 1 Okay, so that move by the EU alarmed some of my peers.

Speaker 1 What move?

Speaker 1 Oh, trying to take over the... Okay, but you're jumping back and forth here.
I can't tell what you're talking about. Okay, take control of Italy's army.

Speaker 1 Okay, so them trying to take control of their army. Yeah, how would you do that?

Speaker 1 Okay, the idea that, let me just finish this.

Speaker 1 The idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics or conspiracy theorists like myself.

Speaker 1 But you know something?

Speaker 1 Me, they just go, oh, what do you got your fucking tin hat on?

Speaker 1 And you, if you just started saying what the fuck you just said, you'd probably run into the same problem.

Speaker 1 Like, you just, I just said it was the best written email ever, and I got lost in it because I'm too fucking stupid to understand what you're talking about. So

Speaker 1 it's got to be hard, man. You just got to hang out with people with the fucking elbow patches on their sport coats, right?

Speaker 1 Anyways, the idea that certain globalist groups are trying to take control of the world is not an incredible idea among people who are versed in political economics.

Speaker 1 I have heard you talk about stuff like this in the context of a conspiracy. And so other than this

Speaker 1 possibly being interesting to you,

Speaker 1 it's also affirmed that you are not out of your mind. I attached an article if you'd like to read further.
I absolutely would. Look at this.
How about that, everybody?

Speaker 1 All you cunts saying I got a tin hat on. Tin foil hat on, whatever the fuck that means.
Half of you say that, you don't even know what it means. You got your tinfoil hat on?

Speaker 1 I don't even know what the fuck it means.

Speaker 1 Is that like my antenna if I'm doing some sort of pirate radio? Tin foil hat.

Speaker 1 Meaning.

Speaker 1 I know what it means. It means you're out of your fucking mind, but how did it come about? A tinfoil hat is made from one or more sheets of of aluminum foil.
I didn't want the exact

Speaker 1 or a piece of conventional headgear lined with foil, worn in the belief or hope that it shields the brain from threats such as electromagnetic fields, mind control, and mind reaction. Oh, I see.

Speaker 1 I see. Well, you know, that's some MacGyver shit.

Speaker 1 I can go with that, right? Is that a bad thing?

Speaker 1 Anyways, well, where the fuck was I?

Speaker 1 I've attached,

Speaker 1 I would actually have to listen. How long is this, though? Is this something I can read?

Speaker 1 You know, I'll read about this, and I'll give you my uninformed opinion, my moronic opinion, on the next podcast. How about that? Does that work for you? Does that grab you?

Speaker 1 All right, fat guys turns out

Speaker 1 to not be fat.

Speaker 1 Billy Twinkle Bows.

Speaker 1 This guy was told by a doctor his whole life that he was fat. He had this huge frontal thing on going on that turned out to not be a giant belly but a 130 pound tumor.

Speaker 1 How many people do you know will start using the tumor defense?

Speaker 1 I actually looked this fucking thing up. The guy is fat.
He's very fat, even after the fucking tumor.

Speaker 1 I mean, like,

Speaker 1 he's laying in bed, and he has, it's like he has an inner tube of fat going around. That's what his neck is.

Speaker 1 This guy is so fucking fat, he had a 130-pound tumor and he just thought it was part of his love handle. He is fat.

Speaker 1 I'm glad they got it out of there. Jesus, how do you get that out of there? 130 pounds.

Speaker 1 How the fuck do you? I mean, you got to take it out in sections.

Speaker 1 10 pounds at a time. You need to make 13 fucking incisions.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, and just throwing it over your shoulder, hitting the ground like a fucking bowling ball.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Do you know I knew a guy

Speaker 1 that

Speaker 1 you know everybody's talking about probiotics and they talk about the bacteria in your gut that will

Speaker 1 you know there's bacteria in your gut that's supposed to be there. They try to scare you shit out of you, but it's supposed to be there.

Speaker 1 It's there for when you die and it begins the decomposing process provided you're not full of fucking preservatives.

Speaker 1 And you just decompose because you're not important and you just become part of the earth again.

Speaker 1 But we stick ourselves in these fancy fucking boxes because we think we're too good to be worm food for whatever fucking reason. But anyways,

Speaker 1 alcohol

Speaker 1 eats away at the good shit, the good bacteria that you need while you're alive. Like you're supposed to be balanced.

Speaker 1 And you're supposed to have more of the good bacteria because if you have more of the bad bacteria, you can actually, in your own fucking way, you're beginning to decompose while you're still alive.

Speaker 1 Or in a short way, you're starting to die. This is the way this guy explained it to me.
So he started getting a distended belly.

Speaker 1 They didn't know what the fuck was going on and he wouldn't go to the doctor and then finally he found out, you know, somebody said maybe you got a tape worn and that freaked him the fuck out.

Speaker 1 There could have been something alive in him. And he went to the doctor and then they found out that that's what it was.
And they gave him some medicine and, you know.

Speaker 1 And he had to shed it all out. That's basically what happens.
So

Speaker 1 I don't know. Even then, I always buy the Greek yogurt and it goes bad.

Speaker 1 I always think like, you know, I'll slam a couple of scotches and the next morning I'll have two spoonfuls of fucking Greek yogurt, yogurt, and I'll be fine.

Speaker 1 I was happy in the life insurance, they said I had a nice, fucking easy, you know, heart rhythm.

Speaker 1 I was also meditating when they did it. You know, I was being totally present.
I was listening to the sounds of the room.

Speaker 1 I slowed my breathing. I tricked those fuckers.

Speaker 1 But I also had the Bruins game on in the background, so I was trying not to react to what the fuck was going on because we left this fucking cunty goal at the end of the second period with like one second left.

Speaker 1 All right, crazy Saddam

Speaker 1 story.

Speaker 1 Crazy? All right. Hey Bill, thought I brighten your day with this crazy account of what went down in Iraq when Saddam took power.
Basically, they gathered all government officials in one room.

Speaker 1 The current military leader gets brought out on stage.

Speaker 1 He's clearly been beaten. He admits to having committed treason, but clearly he hasn't.

Speaker 1 They then start calling out officials one at a time, so everyone was scared shitless that they'd be called out and marched out into a courtyard courtyard with the others.

Speaker 1 Then, after half of them were gone, the remaining officials were all taken out to the courtyard and told that if they didn't shoot the traitors,

Speaker 1 they and their families would be killed. That way, they all had blood on their hands.
Insane. Here's the whole account.

Speaker 1 And to think the U.S. still did business with Saddam with them after that.
Ha ha ha. Dude, as far as I know, we kind of put that guy in over there.

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 and we were cool with the guy until he fucking tried to go around us and start selling oil to other. I don't know what the fuck he did.
We, you know,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean? Saddam Hussein to the United States, he was like one of those fucking first-round draft choices that's a bust. He was a bust for us, you know.

Speaker 1 He had a very promising college career. And, you know, he just didn't have the passion.

Speaker 1 Actually, he was a very passionate guy he just wasn't passionate in the wrong I don't know who the fuck knows I mean it's all evil shit that shit is just like

Speaker 1 the most base level evil because they're not even trying to hide it but I gotta tell you when Trump was talking to that fucking guy there on from Fox News Bill O'Reilly and Bill O'Reilly's giving him shit that he was friends with Putin Putin or whatever his fuck his name is and he goes the guy's a he's a killer to have a fucking standing president go, well, look at this country.

Speaker 1 Look what, well, look at what we've done. My jaw hit the fucking ground.
I'm like, is he actually going to say this? You can't say this. Everybody knows it's true, but you can't fucking say this.

Speaker 1 No, we only kill the bad people.

Speaker 1 The fuck out of here. It's all fucking evil.
And that goes back to that fake news. That's why they need to take control of the fake news so they can spin it.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 The guy, he came out of fucking nowhere.

Speaker 1 This Saddam Hussein, we had a green light, he came out of fucking nowhere. Everybody does it.
Everybody does it. You know what? And I fucking do it too.

Speaker 1 We're all spinning it. We're all spinning our own horse shit.
We all think we're fine. I'm not going to speak for you guys, but I'm spinning my own bullshit.
All right.

Speaker 1 This is my favorite video anybody's sent me in a long fucking time.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, if you want to watch that Saddam thing,

Speaker 1 I'll post all these videos. I don't know if I want to watch it.
That stuff, I don't know. I don't like watching shit like that.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 109 year old guy smokes cigars and drinks whiskey dear billy dear farm state bill i know you have a life insurance policy test but i thought you might want to see this this 109 year old guy smokes cigars all day not saying it's great for everyone but figured you'd want to hear the title actually marginalized this guy's life he's got a great attitude he still drives he's the oldest living world war ii veteran You'd really enjoy this.

Speaker 1 He talks about having a truck for a long time, and they show his old school TV with the giant dials. He keeps it all because it works and he likes it.
Come to Boston. I fucking love this guy.

Speaker 1 He said at one point he smokes 12 cigars a day. He goes, I don't inhale.

Speaker 1 So you inhale. He goes, you get in trouble.
The bottom line is, you know, whatever his genetics are, this works for him. Because I know if I smoke 12 a day,

Speaker 1 first of all, I couldn't physically fucking do it. But he had like a 79, look like a 78 or a 79 Ford pickup truck.
He had an old square TV that still had the legs on it from like the 70s.

Speaker 1 He built his house in like 1940. He still lives there.
He said, I like the shit that I have. It still works, so I'm not buying more shit.

Speaker 1 It's like what I'm trying to do now. Get rid of all this extra shit that I bought.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I got to tell you, watching this guy,

Speaker 1 watching his life is the life that I'm slowly moving towards. It's the life that I want.

Speaker 1 After running around like like a fucking lunatic

Speaker 1 reacting to everything for the first fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 40-something years of my life,

Speaker 1 you know, I would like to slow down a little bit

Speaker 1 as far as being, I mean, look, I'm still, I know all you guys are worried, like, oh God, he's gonna slow down, he's not gonna be fucking fine. I'm

Speaker 1 still gonna completely fuck up. I'm still gonna do dumb shit.
I'm gonna be fine, but I don't have to be walking around. I basically walked around

Speaker 1 stuck in fight-or-flight mode,

Speaker 1 probably from the age of eight till now.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's a stupid, it's not, it's funny to observe, but it really wears on the people around you, and eventually it fucking wears you down.
And it's just like

Speaker 1 the amount of fucking time that I have wasted arguing with people where they're not going to change their mind. I'm not going to change my mind.
I've just, I've,

Speaker 1 I'm done. I'm past that point in my fucking life, and it feels fucking great.
I just have to believe that I am.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to do now when I flip up, because I know there's other angry cunts that listen to this, and you listen to this because I'm an angry cunt too, and it probably makes you feel better about yourself.

Speaker 1 Which is why I love Bobby Knight. You watch Bobby Knight and you're like, oh my God, I'm a fucking saint.

Speaker 1 This guy now this guy's got a temper that I'm telling you right now and your wife ever gives you shit for having a temper It's like you think I got a temper? Just cut the, you can be married to that.

Speaker 1 And I love Bobby Knight, by the way.

Speaker 1 So anyways,

Speaker 1 I just now, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I try to, in the moment, I just try to fucking,

Speaker 1 like, this is funny thing that happens, like, when my daughter...

Speaker 1 You know, needs a diaper changed. It's like, you know, you hear him farting and everything.
So you're thinking, like, okay,

Speaker 1 that's definitely, you know, and you, you,

Speaker 1 without getting into the gross details,

Speaker 1 just think you hear the fart and you think that's the gun sounding the end of the game.

Speaker 1 And then, once you get into it, you realize that wasn't the gun sounding the end of the game or even the end of the half.

Speaker 1 That was the sound of the fucking jets flying over the game, over the stadium, right after the fucking national anthem, and the game's about ready to begin.

Speaker 1 I had a left pad save yesterday, blocker, cheese block,

Speaker 1 save my wall, took it all on my shirt, and all that. It's just like,

Speaker 1 it's fucking unbelievable. And whenever that happens, like a couple times, I went like, Nia, why'd you tell me to come in? She's still going.
Like, she could tell.

Speaker 1 Like, there's any way for my wife to know whether my daughter is done

Speaker 1 going to the bathroom or not. She's got no fucking idea.
And I apologized. And

Speaker 1 I just addressed that I was angry. and I did it two more fucking times and now I got it down.

Speaker 1 Now I just say something as I walk up to the changing table at three or four in the morning and I just basically say,

Speaker 1 if she's not done and you know, this is not anybody's fault. This is just part of having a kid.
Don't flip out. And I'll see how that works for me tonight.
That's just basically, I just,

Speaker 1 before I just kept it all in my head.

Speaker 1 And then it becomes like it isn't, it's sort of it's sort of real, but isn't. I just find when I say it out loud, then I can fucking address it.
And

Speaker 1 so we'll see that. But I got to tell you, I actually fucking really enjoy

Speaker 1 changing diapers and everything. We gave my daughter her first bath ever right in the kitchen sink, old school style.

Speaker 1 I'm sure we were supposed to have like a fucking hazmat suit team come in and disinfect the sink, and she's supposed to wear a helmet and some scuba gear. But that's not how we're bringing her up.

Speaker 1 We're going old school. I've been playing music for her and everything.
Got this exercise ball. It really just kind of puts her to sleep.
And I just play music, and she just totally chills out.

Speaker 1 The stuff that she's enjoyed so far, she likes Herbie Hancock.

Speaker 1 I was playing some Billy Cobbins, some of this shit I've just been listening to.

Speaker 1 What else has she been listening to? Some of the pop stuff she really likes. I think they just like music in general.
They're just kind of like, what is that? And I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's getting to that point. She's just starting to be able to look around and you kind of sit there going, like, I think she's actually looking at me right now.

Speaker 1 Then, when you make eye contact, like, hey, are you fucking looking at me? Her eyes just kind of drift away and look at something else.

Speaker 1 I'm like, all right, I guess I'm still like an acid trip when she looks at me.

Speaker 1 But anyways, we're having a great time. And even though I'm not getting any sleep,

Speaker 1 it's totally fucking worth it. And it's, it's,

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, if you're an older dad, it's not as fucking hard. They try to say, oh my God, you're old and going to try to do this.
It's like, yeah, I'm old and I have a house.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm not some fucking struggling 20-something.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Fucking broke kid trying to pay off student loans and then you have a kid. People in their 20s, if they complain about having a kid, I, yeah, without a doubt, I'll listen to that.

Speaker 1 But if you're in your 30s and 40s, yeah, go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it. Okay, that's the podcast for Monday.
Once again, please check out Nick DiPaolo's special

Speaker 1 on CISO this Thursday at 8 p.m. I'm telling you, he's one of the best of his generation and one of the best of the last fucking whatever, whatever the fuck he started 30 years ago.

Speaker 1 One of my favorites, and it's an honor to be able to plug his special. All right, so check it out, your cunts.
I'll check in on you on Thursday.

Speaker 1 why they don't get in my dark.

Speaker 1 Painting the room in a colourful way.

Speaker 1 And when my mind is wandering,

Speaker 1 there I will go.

Speaker 1 And it really doesn't matter if I'm wrong, I'm right.

Speaker 1 Where I belong, I'm right.

Speaker 1 Where I belong.

Speaker 1 See people run around, they worry me, and never ask me why. Don't get past my door.