Golden Age of Sports, Being Isolated, Evil Records | Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 2-6-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast, and I'm just checking in on you.
Um, how are you? How's it going? Um, sorry, I'm fucking out of it. Just went to the Bruins Rangers game at Madison Square Garden.
fucking crowd was dead.

Just a dead crowd. You know, Bruins played two games, two nights in a row.
I don't know if they were a little tired. The game was a little flat, at least on our side to start.
Played the whole fucking first period, it felt like, in our end. And then they came out, scored a goal early in the second period and we didn't do jack shit and there was five minutes left and i said to my buddy i go let's get one before the fucking period ends right fucking score a goal like 15 seconds after that and then like as they announcing that goal, we give them the old right there fret.

Again.

2-1.

It's fucking great, right?

Then we go in the third period.

Of course, they tie it up 2-2.

What's going to happen?

We go on a power play late.

Hey, let's get the game winner.

Let's win this thing 3-2.

Bum, bum, ba-dum, bam.

They get a fucking shorty.

The shorty. The pick six of hockey.
Short-handed goal. Sad to say, I haven't watched much of the Bruins at all.
I've been so goddamn busy. So, we definitely got a lot of...
I was looking up some of the defensemen. That 55-91, both 6'6".
What do you think about those super tall players? They're amazing when they're like defensemen, but you can't have them be forwards. I swear to God, the puck gets in their skates, they can't find it.
They're fucking looking, they're too goddamn big. They're like basketball players out there.
But, yeah, I'm a stand-up comedian, I haven't watched a game all this year, I watched fucking three periods, and now I'm gonna be the GM about who needs to be what, I'm just saying, they're fucking huge, Rangers too, Jesus Christ, they got that one kid there, right, he likes to fight, he's like 6'8", it's just insane I every once in a while I watch some um clips from the 1980s which I'm so psyched I went and saw hockey then I didn't realize it at the time but it was uh it was it was a golden age it was the second golden age of hockey and then it was also the second, I would say the first golden age of basketball. With Bird, Magic, Dr.
J, Isaiah, Dominique Wilkins, all of those guys. Sidney Moncrief.
These are all the guys that were in the league. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.
All those great Lakers. James Worthy, all of them.
And Parrish McHale. Jack Sigma.
I know I'm going to forget a bunch of. Tree Rollins.
Joe Dumars. Who else? Adrian Dantley he'd fucking light it up anyway they had all these great players oh fucking Sugar Ray Robinson not Robinson Sugar Ray Sugar Ray Robinson was the best Richardson Michael.
Michael Ray Richardson. Sorry.
Michael Ray Richardson. Oh, Bernard King.
How the fuck do I forget him? Bernard King. Patrick Ewing.
I mean, it was amazing. Everybody had like a fucking guy that could drop 30, it seemed.
And then they seven footer Moses Malone Daryl Dawkins all those players and then in hockey simultaneously you had Wayne Gretzky Mario Lemieux Steve Iserman the end of Marcel Dion uh Guy Lafleur, their careers. Those guys.

Who else? Who else was scoring all the goals back then? Oh, you had like the fucking Brian Trottier, Mike Bossy, all those great Islanders. we had Rick Middleton Brad Park

Michelle Goulet, the Stastny brothers up there in fucking Quebec for the Nordiques. Lanny McDonald, my fucking uncle out there in Calgary.
It was an amazing time.

All those defensemen, yeah, Ray Bork, Paul Coffey, Al McGinnis.

Al McGinnis shooting the puck over 100 miles an hour, no net over the glass.

How the fuck that guy never killed somebody's beyond me.

All that shit was going on, so I would go down to the Boston Garden.

Thank you. over the glass.
How the fuck that guy never killed somebody's beyond me. All that shit was going on.

So I would go down to the Boston Garden, scalp tickets, and I get to see these people play.

All those people I mentioned, I didn't get to see all of them, but I saw a lot of the hockey players.

I definitely saw that Islanders team. I saw all the Canadians teams.
The first like fucking 10 hockey games I went to at the Boston Garden was Bruins Canadians because I love the fights.

Thank you. Islanders team.
I saw all the Canadians teams. The first like fucking 10 hockey games I went to at the Boston Garden was Bruins Canadians because I

loved the fights.

And they fucking hated each other.

That's back when they had Chelios,

Guy Carboneau,

Stephon Richet,

who was some of that?

Spoboda, whatever the fuck that guy's name was that trash can helmet Patrick Wa yeah I went up to the old forum the second forum I saw the fucking Canadians versus the North Stars after my friend fucking puked in a strip club on St. Catherine Street.

They were good times.

Anyway, but I'll tell you,

I watch those old clips now

and how small the guys look.

Fucking Bob Probert.

It was like the golden age of like,

oh, that's another thing.

I forgot all the enforcers.

Chris Nyland, Jay Miller, Bob Pro Clark Gillies rest his soul John Cordick rest his soul Willie Plett all of these tough guys oh what's that one guy's name he actually played withiques. Oh, he was a fucking mean son of a bitch.
What the fuck was his name? Ah, whatever. I'll remember it.
Later. That's Savard.
What the fuck was his name? This guy had the late hit after that guy scored the goal to win it. He skated over and fucking checked him into the boards and fucked him up.
For some reason, he came up and he coached the Capitals and was good. This isn't even a podcast.
This is just me sitting alone babbling about sports. All right, let me fucking move on here.
Anyway, so I was walking out of the garden. It's funny, fucking New York sports fans were giving me shit, going, yeah, yeah, too bad for your Bruins or whatever I'm like yeah you know whatever we had a you know I'm a happy sports fan we did pretty good over the last few years right this guy goes you had a nice run had a nice run we had a fucking historic run you cunt he goes yeah I know all the New York teams suck right now yeah I And you got 50.
You'd like double down, if not triple down in every sport. I've said that for a long time, man.
One of the saddest things, um, once you get out of Giants, Yankees, I mean, Jesus Christ, that is the fucking lunar landscape, um, out here. I'm not going to go through it.
I've done it a million times. But anyway, we got the Super Bowl this weekend.
Who do you like? Such an interesting game because I feel like the Eagles, you know, could easily beat it. Not easily, but I mean, I'm saying it would not be a surprise to me at all if they beat this team.
And it all comes down to like what does the fucking NFL want? What they wanted, they got. They got the Chiefs there again.
You got Taylor Swift with all her fans. So they've made their money.
All the owners are going to make their fucking money, right? So you got that going on. So then the thing about them is what storyline do they want? Okay? It's not a big deal if the Eagles win another one because they just won one.
They beat the Patriots. When do they beat us? 17 or something like that? 16, 17, something like that? So it's not like you'd end this big drought.
If the Chiefs Denny three-peats then he gets his fourth and it's like is he gonna have more than Tom Brady and I really think that they love that storyline I really think that they love that storyline however if they're just happy that he got there and they have that storyline. However, if they're just happy that he, that they got there and they

have their money, um, then maybe they just let him play and the refs don't make crucial fucking decisions. Then I think it's anybody's game.
I honestly think that, um, I really, I really, I know I said, I keep saying, I'm not going to talk about this, but I really just, I feel like, you know, nobody had won four Super Bowls as a quarterback other than Bradshaw and Montana. And it didn't happen again for like another 25 years when Brady did it.
And then he put it literally out of reach at 7 he almost doubled doubled

the two guys with the most rings it's fucking insane no one's ever going to catch that guy the second he retires within 5 years here's another guy and he's going to get his he's doing it even faster keep watching um

and Faster. Keep watching.
And, you know, I've always gone with the conspiracy theory with this shit. And people have always given me shit.
Even when you find mobbed up refs and you hear ex-players talking about fucking rig games and shit. But like, what about now that the leagues are literally in bed with fucking, you know, gambling? They're casinos.
It's fucking insane. I know it kind of happened gradually, so you don't really notice.
But if you could just somehow take your brain back 25 years, and if somebody told you Donald Trump was going to be president for the second time weed was going to be legal and you could legally gamble on sports at the fucking facility people would be like you're out of your fucking mind none of that happening. Certainly not gambling in sports because that was the number one thing that they were fucking against.
It is fucking nuts. It is nuts.
So anyways, I'm here in New York City. I don't know.
We've been working this week, rehearsing with the play and everything.

It's been fucking great.

I've actually really,

really been enjoying it.

I don't think I've ever gotten to work on something,

you know, scenes and stuff to this level

with like other actors and stuff. Like I've done, there's been a few movies where we've done like table reads.
And I want to say on one project, the person had us rehearse. I think, you know, I did a couple of TV things where they would have you rehearse, but nothing to this level.
So it's been really already, I've always said, you know, I'm a comedian, right? That's basically what I do. So I act when they let me.
When they ask me to, I go, yeah, I'll do that. And I have always, all these actors that I admire, I always ask them, like, what they do, and they, I just keep reading the script.
I just keep reading it, kept reading it. I'm like, like, I never understood that.
I'm like, you read it, you know what happens. That's what my dumb brain was thinking.
Now I'm really, like, every time you read it, you pick up on something else. You just keep reading it, and you get, ideas like, oh, fuck.
Oh, that means this. Oh, what if I did it this way or whatever? So I'm finally getting to do that.
I finally kind of have the time because I remember I took this acting class a long time ago and the teacher was saying, this is what it's like to do a movie. It's like you just show up and you're like, all right, yeah, okay, you're playing this guy.
And, you know, your mom just died. And action, you know.
I mean, obviously, like, you know your lines and shit like that. It's okay.
This is the lady playing your wife. You guys are both devastated.
Your house just fucking, you know, slid down the fucking hill with your dog in it. And action, you know.
It's always like some fucking crazy thing and you just have to get there and do it and um and they put all this music and shit and all of that stuff underneath it and um this doing a play is like completely different and i cannot tell you how much i've been enjoying uh this process or whatever so uh oh Billy's got to get his fucking steps in though man all this rehearsing you know and this New York food I don't want to come out there looking like a fucking you know Michelin man oh Jesus I'll tell you right now nothing will keep you in shape like being being a male ginger. You don't want to be, you can't add fat to that.
You know what I'm saying? You're already fucking walking uphill your whole life. You can't add fat, fucking pasty, redheaded, freckled cunt.
You can't add fat now. Okay, I'm stopping at pasty, freckled, redheaded cunt, former redheaded, freckled cunt.
You can't add fat in there. Okay, I'm stopping it.
Pasty, freckled, redheaded cunt. Former redheaded, red-faced cunt.
You know, that's enough. I think that's enough for the world to look at.
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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire, man. I gotta get my fucking cell phone fixed, man.
I broke the screen on this thing. I can't even remember.
And at this point, it just looks like... Every time I look at it, there's like another crack on it.
I don't have like the fucking snowflake cracks. I just have like these...
Like those hairline fractures. You know, the kind of fracture.
A number one draft pick. The Portland Trailblazers pick.
Oh, Bill. That was not necessary.
Yeah, everything's going to be a sports reference here. Sorry.
I also, it's dry as fuck in this corporate apartment. The heat they got me, they got me in here.
Jesus fucking Christ. It's, you have no control over it.
It just comes out of the fucking radiators.

And when it is on,

you can go fuck yourself.

There's an air conditioner in the wall,

but I fucking refuse to turn that thing on

with the heat on.

You know what I mean?

Especially coming from L.A. with all those fires and shit.

It's like, what are we doing as human beings?

So I literally just open the window

and all of this heat just goes out the fucking window. It's stupid.
It's such a fucking waste. Um, anyway, so, um, we're starting to get into the groove with all this shit here and I'm going to start doing some spots around town so I don't forget how to be a comedian, but, um, and I've been holding it together with the uh with my family and shit you know I call them up at night my kids and I read them stories they gotta you know my my daughter I bought the books that she has so I just read them here but my son he sort of holds the big books up you know the prints a little bit bigger and I've been been able to read those and connect with them pretty good, man.
I'm pretty happy about that. Anyway, as you guys can tell, I'm pretty isolated and I am slowly going to lose my fucking mind during this.
When I'm not working, I'm going to be losing my fucking mind. So I'm just going to let you know that you're just going to enjoy over the next few months, me slowly losing my fucking mind.
I'm used to coming home to chaos and loud, and I'm coming home to absolute fucking silence. And I don't know what I've been doing..
Like I have no desire to fucking watch TV. I don't know why I got into college basketball for like half a second.
Um, Oh, there was some fucking old movie I was going to watch tonight too. Something.
I don't know what to do. I have no idea.
This fucking reminds me of right before I met my lovely wife. I was single and I was living in New York by myself and I would just come home to the fucking apartment just walking around muttering muttering however you say it muttering to myself.
Anyway, one of the things I do want to do is I want to go to a St. John's basketball game when I'm here.
I don't want to go to it at the Garden. I want to go to it at their facility out in Queens, where I used to see Chris Mullen play when the Big East was the fucking Big East and Pearl Washington was in Syracuse

and fucking Patrick Ewing and Michael Graham. Remember him? We're down there in Georgetown.
You had Villanova. Who else was down? Oh, that was great.
And then you had the ACC. Ralph Sampson was in Virginia

Michael Jordan, James Worthy

were at a Carolina. I'll tell you one of my big fucking sporting regrets is I lived in North Carolina.
I went to NC State. The off-campus something program.
Because I totally fucked up in high school. It's a long story how I ended up down there.
But Jim Valvano was coach at NC State. Dean Smith was coaching the Tar Heels.
And an unknown Coach K had just started at Duke. And I was there throughout a basketball season.
And I went to zero games. I made it up years later.
and I went to a Duke Carolina game at Camden Indoor. But it was a Chucky Brown and Charles Shackelford were the big guys for NC State.
And J.R. Reed was over there at Carolina when I when I was there.
And I don't know who did they have when I was there. It was 87-88.
So I think it was pre-Christian Leitner or maybe he was a freshman. Yeah, I'm trying to think who won it.
Who won it in 87? Was it Indiana?

Was that Bobby Knight's last championship?

Or was it Kansas?

Was Sam... No, Sam Bowie was a Kentucky.

Danny Manning.

This fucking blows my mind

how I can fucking remember this shit,

but I can't remember anything short-term.

You know what it was?

I don't remember anything short term. You know what it was? I wasn't staring at a fucking cell phone all goddamn day with these stupid Instagram.
That's the problem with the fucking Madison Square Garden. Two original six teams.
The crowd was dead. And they're doing the same shit they do at football games and basketball games.
Anytime there's a stoppage of play, these fucking jerk-offs are running down the aisles shooting fucking t-shirts at people. Putting them up on the dance.
Hey, kids, who can throw their hat up in the air and lands on their head? Can you fucking do that? Hey, let's have a kid come down. Hey, let's play.
Do you know what this is? And then they show like an Atari from the 1980s. And it's so stupid.
It's some fucking kid. This shit came out 40 years ago.
The kid's 12. But everybody in the crowd's yelling Atari.
And then the kid goes Atari. They're yelling out the answers.
All right, do you think that happens in China when they're at a game? Do you think that people yell out answers to the kids? They don't. That's why we're losing.
There's been a lot of talk about tariffs, evidently. I don't watch the news, but all of a sudden on my feeds, there's a lot of people talking about tariffs and explaining who pays the tax.

The importer pays the tax.

Not the fucking...

The guy who imports it pays the fucking...

The guy who receives it.

I don't know what it is.

Everybody's fucking yelling about it.

You know, I had this crazy fucking thought today where I was talking about, you know, you can't say this in my country, but like no one wants to admit what an absolute fucking failure capitalism is when it's not regulated. All right.
It's already a fucking uphill battle if it's not regulated.

And these guys are just completely

not fucking regulated.

So now it's just an absolute shit show.

And they sell you on this idea

that, you know,

if you get a bunch of stuff,

it's going to fill up

whatever it is that's making you feel sad or that, you know, that you're, you know, I don't know, that you're not doing enough or you're not enough or whatever. And this stuff, it just doesn't, it doesn't fill it up.
Just doesn't. And you know how you know that? Just look at that pile of shit that's swirling around out in the middle of the pacific ocean all of that shit people bought that all of this stuff two and a half times the size of texas fucking two miles deep swirling a trash shit that people bought thinking it was was going to make them happy, and it doesn't.
And then they fucking throw it out, and they fucking buy something else, and that doesn't do it. Doesn't do it.
The only thing that I've found, you know, I'm not talking about something you have a passion for. Like if you're fucking like you're like old cars, you're playing guitar or something like that.
I don't mean that. I mean all of this shit.
These fucking TVs and phones and fucking iPads and all of this fuck. None of that shit's gonna fill you up.
You know? What fills you up? Huh? Having more shit than the fucking guy next door It the stupidest shit ever helping people you know I'm loving there's starting to be this fucking pushback against these billionaire corporate cunts I didn't think I was going to live long enough to see it i thought it was going to go you know

even if i lived to be a hundred i thought like right around then people were finally going to fucking have enough of this shit but it's it's really seeming you know i don't know maybe it's just a reality that i'm in on instagram because i keep watching this shit where people are talking about these greedy cunts. And I'm starting to feel like a movement is happening.
You know? Wouldn't that be fucking amazing? What if that happened? If all of us, like, somehow they were reined in. And somehow the middle class expanded again.
and you could actually you know have a job support a family have some benefits i don't understand why that was too big of an ask you know the guy who ran the company was still a fucking zillionaire i must be a 10 times zillionaire fuck you you, you know. I'll push you below the poverty line.
Anyway. Can you imagine? I've been seeing these clips, RFK Jr.
And I know he's a polarizing guy, but at least he's out there fighting the fight for getting our food to not have 10,000 ingredients. He said the food over in Europe has 400 ingredients.
Over here, it's 10,000. And then I saw this thing that said the fucking assholes that used to make cigarettes somehow bought our food supply.
General Mills and all these people that made all the Nabisco and all of this shit. And then they just applied the same thing that they did with cigarettes.

They just want you addicted to this shit.

They slowly kill you.

That's got to be amazing.

You know what I mean?

You know what's funny about people who do shit like that?

Like those companies that go around and they do research

and they know what they're doing is killing people.

You know what amazes me? Is they do research on it. They they're doing is killing people you know what

amazes me is they do research on it they write it down and then they save the shit like fucking p diddy you know what i mean he goes out and does all that shit and then videotapes it and keeps the shit lying around like you don't think eventually somebody's coming through that door is gonna grab the shit you're gonna be in jail fucking lunatics why do do that? You would think once they saw that, oh my God, we're killing people, shred all of this shit. They wait till the feds are coming up the driveway and then everybody starts throwing shit in a paper shredder.
Is that a red flag? I haven't been in the business. I haven't had a fucking real job

in forever, right? When you go into a job interview, is there a thing if you see, you know, you know, like when you go and you look at a house, you look at water pressure, you go downstairs in the basement, you smell it, smelling water damage, smelling for that. Closet space.

That type of stuff, you know.

Looking for mold in the shower, whatever the fuck it is that you do.

When you're going in for a job interview, if you see like too many fucking paper shredders,

do you start thinking like, yeah, I don't like this.

I don't like this vibe.

Or are you a psycho and be like, I like how they're doing business here. They're obviously doing some fucking illegal shit to make a lot of money quick.
And then the day the cops show up, all of this shit's going in that, and we're running out the back fucking door. A little excitement.
I work in a boiler room. I don't give a fuck.
I will tell you one thing that I'm going to do when I'm here. I am going to fly a helicopter, um, around the Island of Manhattan.
I've been looking at the airspace. I understand the airspace on the East river.
I do not understand it on the Hudson. I'm obviously going to go up with an instructor, but I want to see, um, fuck.
I don't, I don't have anything to make, I guess a cell a cell phone I gotta take a YouTube fucking YouTube a cell phone video of that shit I think there's there's got to be like whenever there's this many because you have you have JFK LaGuardia and Newark and they they're all Bravo airspace. But they always have, like, you know, corridors that you can kind of transition through.
And the only one that I know how to do it is LAX. And LAX has three.
You can go along the beach at or below 150 feet. You can pass over on Sepulveda Boulevard.
Like, if you ever to LAX where the glow sticks are, Sepulveda Boulevard goes underneath the airport and the runways. It's really fucking cool.
You do that at 2,500 feet. That's amazing.
And I'm in there, my little fucking two-seater and these giant fucking planes are landing underneath me, which is pretty fucking cool. And then the other, the other place you can, is the Harbor freeway, the 110 South.
And I think that's 900 feet or below. You just ask for the Harbor transition.
Um, then you go and then you switch over to Hawthorne and then you're good. And then you're into Compton airspace down towards Torrance, Long Beach,

and either go right or left, depending on what you want to do. So I know they must have something like that here.
So I'm kind of excited to do that. Anyways, that is a podcast.
This one was a fucking, this one was all over the place. I apologize.
But I'm really excited about this. Two things.
I'm really excited that doing a Broadway play is even more fun than I thought it was going to be, and then secondly, that I've been able, this FaceTime technology, as much as I've been bitching about technology, has kept me really connected with my kids, which makes me feel great. I'm not going to say we didn't have some sad moments, but yeah, I think I'm going to be able to get through this.
And then also I will be popping in some comedy clubs soon once I feel like I'm acclimated to the whole fucking time zone here. I've been fighting off this fucking cold, man.
All right, that's it. And then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before friday monday morning podcast have a great weekend you cunts enjoy the super bowl i hope they let him play um and if you're a chiefs fan you should really hope that you know because uh you know you don't want people fucking questioning your championships none of this fucking small of the the back.
He touched them. He just grazed the small of his back.
Pass interference. I don't see holding.
None of this fucking shit. All right? Just call a fair fucking goddamn game.
Is that asking too much? That's all I'm asking. That's all I want to see.
I'll be honest with you. I don't don't even think i'm gonna watch it because i get too fucking wound up about shit like this so we'll see i'm gonna watch it what the fuck else am i gonna do sitting in this fucking apartment by myself reading a book we all know i'm not smart all right go fuck yourself so talk to you monday hey what's going on what's going on it's phil burr it's the monday morning podcast for monday february 6th 2017 i'm doing it right after the super bowl um just because i got the little one now and she's gonna keep me up all night so So I knew there was no way.
Is everybody texting me right now? I'm speechless. Something you'll never hear from me.
I'm always running my mouth. I am absolutely speechless.
I cannot believe we came back and won that game. I'm not going to be that guy going, dude, I knew it.
I was like, I had this feeling, right? I said this. I didn didn't i had my fucking head in the oven at halftime we were so getting our ass kicks at like 21 to nothing when when brady threw a pick six i have this theory at the nfl level that if you throw a pick six you don't win the game they're too fucking good it's the most devastating fucking play literally you know so i saw one time nfl films one of the players said that you're trying to score not only these other teams stop you they turn around and score on that fucking play it's like i i i can't believe it 21-3 then it was 28-3 i wasn't even like uh i actually texted to somebody going like this is the longest fucking loss I've ever watched in my life I'm like this is just slowly gonna what is this gonna end up being like 35 10 are they gonna bring that fucking bench in um I had completely mentally thrown in the towel and I was just sitting here um you know and I couldn't scream and yell you know I got my girl now and just it's hilarious i'm just sitting here going well she's keeping me calm but there was so kicking our ass i i couldn't even get upset um and if you watched when i was promoting uh my special and when people would ask me about the game i was i was not comfortable at all and you know i went from like not even believing in atlanta against seattle picking against them again when they played green bay and i was just after i saw the way they played i was like man they got they got a great running back they got julio jones matt ryan seems dialed in all that shit that i said and then right before the super bowl they're like dude they don't have one running back they got two they got that coleman guy too so i was like like this i don't know i just had i had that fucking you know that feeling you have when you you think your team's gonna lose but you you don't want to say it that's why i was saying everybody uh on those shows going like you know i'd bet the under um which didn't come in and i said i would like the falcons getting if i could get five i think that i wasn't comfortable taking the patriots giving points um so i can't say i called it on any fucking level i didn't i am absolutely fucking speechless i can't believe it i just cannot believe it and uh i've never said this before but i think i can finally say it i think tom brady's the greatest of all time i always gave the nod to montana because he went to four it took him four trips to win four but even then it's always up for debate because what if montana had belichick what you have is the greatest head coach and arguably arguably the greatest if not now five rings it's a great argument the greatest fucking quarterback of all fucking time you know playing together i can't i cannot fucking believe it i can't and i didn't have any emotion the whole game i just because we're just so fucking losing so i was just sitting there and then as we were slowly i wasn't i wasn't even calling saying that we were coming back i was maybe they'll make it a little respectable i don't know all right you know maybe we just lose by 10 and then you know we scored that first two-point conversion even then when we were going down the field i'm like what are the odds we're going to get another fucking two-point conversion we fucking missed missed a field goal.
We fucking screwed up the onside kick. And two of the greatest Super Bowl catches I've seen since the helmet catch was Julio Jones.
Jesus Christ. And what a fucking throw.
Matt Ryan was also running when he made that throw. I was like, oh, my God.
Every fucking Super Bowl now. Every Super Bowl, there's that fucking that fucking ghost of e if it isn't eli it's like the ghost of eli fucking throw and for once we had uh edelman we had a circus catch back and um i don't know i i'm absolutely stunned and having said all that my condolences to the atlanta falcon fans i got beef with you guys.
And I've been there plenty of fucking times. Certainly for the first 36 years of my life.
If there was a fucking way to choke away a goddamn game, I saw a Boston team do it. And for whatever fucking reason, I don't know why this is happening.
I don't know why it's happened this fucking long. Just trying to enjoy it.
This is how spoiled boston fans are my daughter's two weeks old and she's already seen her first boston title it's fucking unbelievable and um i got a big kick out of bill maher trashing the patriots at first i thought is he just trashing is he talking sports that's like me talking politics this guy's getting outside of his lane but then i saw he was mad i guess he was mad because uh you know brady and i guess somebody else i don't pay attention all this fucking soap opera shit i guess they're like trump supporters and i heard on the radio that you know i don't know brady did or didn't go when obama was there i don't fucking know so this this the patriots aren't aren't at the height of their hatred if he shows up now if he didn't go to the old the obama thing and then shows up at the trump thing that's gonna be a complete shit show but they seem to thrive being hated so what a fucking season starts off with that fucking horse shit the biggest uh as like witch hunt I've ever seen in my life that stupid fucking deflate gate thing and just all the justice that came out of it the fact that it went to court it got laughed out of court to the point the judge was actually pissed then they finally get the fucking thing they just i don just, well, we're a corporation. We have a right to suspend our employee.

Yes, you do.

He's our employee.

You're fucking suspended.

So then he sits there four fucking games, and I just started thinking, well, five games in,

we have arrested, pissed off Tom Brady without those fucking miles.

Maybe that'll be a good thing.

And just how poetic was the whole thing.

Do you know that linebacker from Indianapolis who I don't have any fucking beef with because he said he didn't want to be in the middle of it but the linebacker who caught the ball that he brought to the sideline as a souvenir um that touched off the whole deflate gate thing he tested positive for steroids and got a four-game suspension it's funny how espn really didn't do you know you'd think they'd still be talking about that. Yep.
Never happened. You know? And I also thought it was funny.
Bill Maher called us cheaters as we're playing the Atlanta Falcons who got busted pumping fucking crowd noise in. But that's okay.
It's okay. Who gives a fuck? You know, an NBA when they go, you know, on basketball, they go, the ball don't lie.
That's what I feel like just fucking happened. After all of that shit, vindication, he comes back and he wins it and then roger goodell like like the end of a fucking diehard movie the police commissioner who didn't fucking believe in the rogue cop has to come in and finally give in and be like you know what you are a good cop here's your gun and your badge back right brady's sitting there with this fucking dirty fucking wife beater on um jesus christ uh and i will never fucking ever tell him you know keith robinson called it i'm gonna find the fucking text message i'm gonna read you some of these fucking texts right now because i hate when fucking people fucking quit you know and then they don't admit to it i i did i was like this this game is fucking over they're younger they're faster and then we we get a break in the game then they get a fucking big sack i mean they're a really really good team um hang on let me find this fucking thing i had a buddy of mine he texted me at halftime he said i took atlanta in the under and i was like great bet i didn't hear from till after the overtime and then he texts me he just texted fixed um all right oh my god i felt so bad for fucking atlanta's owner he seems like such a great guy you know you know he looks like fucking grandpa monster and he made the fucking jerry jones did jerry jones move you come down on the field before you put the game away then he had to stand there do you just see when he had that glum look on his face and his i don't know what you know you never know what those super rich guys it's like is that your daughter or your fucking third wife whoever the fuck that was with him just sort of glanced at him like oh god he's gonna be hitting the bottle tonight that poor bastard um all right where where is it uh what did i say Okay, it's the first text I sent.
At 4.55 p.m. Pacific Coast time.
Have I ever told you my pick six rule? If you throw a pick six during an NFL game, you lose. Not to mention we are down 21-0.
I bet the under, it's 59. If the Patriots don't start playing defense, the Falcons will score 60.
LOL. He writes, ha ha ha.
The Falcons give up a lead all the time. He said that at 21, nothing.
This is Keith Robinson. I'll now say the great Keith Robinson, Tom Brady, the greatest of all time, Keith Robinson.
He's the great Keith Robinson. All right.
Then I wrote, we look like shit against the Texans and the Steelers weren't that tough. Okay, 6.19 p.m.
This loss is taking forever. I had no belief.
You know, Glenn Close in the natural, when she stands up and he looks into the stands, if let's say me and Robert Redford had an had an alternative lifestyle relationship when he looked up in the stance i would have been gone he would have seen the back of my head walking out of the fucking stadium um he goes they can still come back and i just i just laughed i laughed at him and i just said they are younger and faster afc was weak and then there's no more text for a while. Then he writes back, told you.
And then I wrote, right, you might be right. Then I wrote, that's one of the best catches I've ever seen.
That was the Julio Jones. And then I wrote, does Grandpa Munster own the Falcons? That's when he was down on the thing.
And then after that, he was just calling me up. And he just kept saying, this is what Atlanta does.
And I was like,'re right you're absolutely right i don't know but you know i sat and watched the whole fucking thing thank god i didn't turn on some mary tyler moore tribute by the way god rest her soul one of my favorites of all time um i cannot fucking believe it i cannot fucking i i just sat here um i just accepting defeat going like oh well you know we'll see what the fuck i can't i can't fucking believe it i can't believe it so there you go five fucking rings tom brady the greatest of all time and uh once again i i always have to say this because i fuck it i went to that green bay packers uh patriots super bowl you know jesus christ i watched the fucking when the first year i watched the red socks was 1978 bucky dent i still remember my mother's face in the kitchen i came in and i was like mom is there another game tomorrow she just looked over at me and didn't say anything she just shook her head shook it no oh fuck anyways um all right enough of that i don't even know what else to fucking talk about um i got uh oh you know what i did the ice house this weekend it was the first time it was great to see the bushes by the way because i know that they were in the fucking uh the hospital whatever regardless of your politics guy's a war hero you don't want to see somebody fucking i mean i guess you die at some point right you know took a lot of balls for him to go out there you know i wouldn't have done that you know what i get to my, those fucking years, you're fucking wheeling me around and shit.

Hey, Bill, you want to throw the coin?

You know, you want to fucking flip the coin

at the beginning of the Super Bowl?

You know what I mean?

You fucking mind?

I want to go out in public and throw a coin in a fountain.

I don't know if people see me like this.

Look at me, I'm a mess.

Blood pressure going through the fucking roof.

Ah, fuck, now they're showing the highlights. You know you know you know when i really officially thought the game was over was when we called that fucking trick play in atlanta it didn't even they didn't even they covered that too and i'm just like these guys are just fucking dialed in um anyways uh yeah so i did the ice house this weekend and um everything i talk about after this is gonna fucking pale in comparison the four boston teams have won in in this century 10 fucking titles dude rapaport's hilarious he fucking texts me before the game he goes hey if you guys lose today you know i'm calling you and you better take my call and i said oh yeah i go what if the patriots win am i gonna hear from you and he said no i'll be at temple so at halftime i got my fucking head in the oven muttering to myself just walking around i can't i'm not watching the Lady Gaga thing.
I thought she did a great job, but I got, I get, I always get nervous when somebody's coming down on those fucking wire things that basically look like crazy straws that you straightened out. I always feel like it at some point, one of those things is going to snap and somebody's going to fall to their fucking death.
You, you, there's no fucking gig in the world worth doing that the people who fucking do that uh the level of faith that they have there's no fucking way i would do that but anyways so i'm out there muttering muttering in the kitchen trying to think what how the fuck i'm gonna graciously congratulate the atlanta fans you know and the amount of shit and i'm looking at my twitter and all these fucking atlanta are you Billy boy hey there freckles you're being all quiet and I'm just muttering in the kitchen to myself you know as Lady Gaga's on in the bag right um I guess my kid kept me calm I just walked in as pissed as I was I wasn't pissed i was just fucking i was i was i almost said deflated how funny is that i was yeah i was just fucking i was depressed i was like oh my god i mean jesus that's one thing to lose but you just get your fucking ass kicked so i'm out there and uh i don't know what the fuck i was thinking what the fuck was i even talking about you know what it is i'm watching these goddamn highlights i'm still trying to figure out how the fuck we came back um all right bill enough already enough we get it your team won a fucking super bowl so anyways oh yeah what about that commercial during the super bowl with that new fucking thing from google that little speaker in your house you're sitting there talking to your kid reading it a story and it's fucking looking over your shoulder and then you just go hey google what noise does a whale make and it's like

and then you laugh with your daughter like at what point does a dad turn around like hey google

you're fucking listening to all of this? You creep.

Right?

People, please, for the love of fucking God, for the love of God, do not bring that thing into your house. Okay? That's the modern day version of bringing like, I don't know, a vampire or whatever.
I don't even know what it is. why are people so fucking stupid when it comes to their own like privacy that thing is just on what is it doing that's a listening you're literally bugging your own house i don't know i did the joe rogan podcast and he said the most depressing fucking thing.
He said they're making cameras the size of grains of sand,

and they're just going to spread them around

like every fucking street.

So I told him I'd walk down the street

with like a leaf blower.

They're just going to be everywhere.

Everything's going to be filmed,

and it's just like that Big Brother shit,

and it's just that book.

It's literally going to be,

well, if you're not doing anything wrong,

Thank you. thing's going to be filmed and it's just like that big brother shit and it's just that book it's literally going to be well if you're not doing anything wrong i don't know what happened bill your team won a super bowl and now you're going to fucking depress everybody um anyways the upside here i went to um i went to the ice house this weekend i did two shows and uh you know my special came out people really seem to be liking it thank god although you know i did get some shit anytime you talk politics i got a lot of shit from uh trump fans and uh hillary fans you know they always start with the you know that wasn't funny what happened to you blah blah blah blah blah and i i've i've i've been around long enough to know like okay what was it was the was it the trump fucking wall joke or was it the fucking hillary's pure evil whatever the fuck i said um but anyways i did two shows working out there with joe bartnick and uh jimmy burns and i did an hour both shows i was surprised i was really nervous because i thought with um having my daughter and everything um that like you know i hadn't been going out to the clubs and we waited so long for her to come and everything i was just really nervous about where my act was going to be so here's the deal everybody i'm going to the comedy zone i think it's already sold out in uh charlotte and And I'm going to be working.
I'm going to be doing some clubs here over the next month or so. Two months, maybe.
We'll figure it out once I literally get my act together. And I'm going to try to build up this new hour.
But I was really psyched. Like, I don't know what happened.
I went up there and I just got got into a good flow and a bunch of shit that never said came out and then there was a bunch of shit that i kind of just left behind that kind of came back and i never put it on a special at least i hope i didn't i always have a paranoia about that because i once i do a special once i'm done editing it i never watch it again like why the would you sit there and watch a ship? But what happens is I end up forgetting what the fuck I did from special to special. So there's always that danger I might fucking repeat something or grab a punchline from something else.
God knows I've made every fucking mistake there is to make as a comic. So I was very happy about that.
And I want to thank everybody at the Ice House for letting me come out that way. And I don't know.
Oh, and then we missed that fucking field goal. I'm watching the highlights right now.
I got to shut this off. I got to shut this off.
This podcast is going to suck. Probably is already sucked for people from Atlanta.
You know, I had no idea fucking Atlanta. Atlanta only won one fucking title its entire sports existence I thought the St.
Louis Hawks I thought they won a title so you know what I gotta look that up because that's a great way to give fucking Laker fans shit you know if the St. Louis Hawks actually won a fucking title okay this is some bill simmons shit here the st louis i'm gonna hit pause because i don't want you guys fucking sit here love gives a shit the st louis hawks now if they fucking won a title they won a fucking title and atlanta doesn't call um count it how the fuck the los angeles laker fans count minneapolis lakers titles and that other title that they haven't that they won in like the nbl or some shit as an nba title uh nba uh st louis hawks nba a title i want to say they won one 1958 team coach wins st louis hawks

well i thought we beat the hawks i know the celtics beat them because that was that trivia question last time st louis lost a super bowl they lost to the patriots last time they lost a stanley cup final was to the boston bruins last time they lost a world series was to the boston red socks last time they lost to the an nba title the st louis hawks lost to the uh to the boston celtics but it says here in 1958 they won though st louis hawks they won okay so they won the 1958 fucking nba finals they won all right and fucking And fucking Atlanta doesn't count that Let me make sure I say this right St. Louis wins Boston St.
Louis Boston St. Louis St.
Louis Yeah they won in six games Hawks win series Six games Atlanta doesn't count that title See that's why LA is the fucking worst with that shit. You know, having said that, I totally respect the Laker franchise, but nobody, nobody pads their fucking stats like them.
Because there was this game the Celtics had, I believe it was Friday night, we played the Lakers, and they're rebuilding and everything, so it wasn't really like a Celtic-Laker thing. It always sucks when the Celtics and Lakersakers play each other and we're not like you know if one team's good the other sucks it's that's it's no fun winning or losing those games it's just like all right whatever this team's revealed rebuilding or we're we're rebuilding but um so interestingly enough at that point all time the most regular season wins the lakers and and Celtics were tied after all 60 fucking years.
Like 3,200 something wins apiece. And whoever won that game that night would go up by one.
You know what I mean? So basically, they probably were ahead in the beginning. Minneapolis with George Mikan and all those guys.
We got ahead in the 60s and 70s. It was kind of a push in the 80s but in the 90s and the in the 2000s where we just had a rough time and they had there was the kobe era kobe shack and all those other fucking guys um they must have caught up i can't imagine how many games they picked up on us during those times until uh you know we took a page out of their book and bought a title in 2008 um so uh anyways we played each other and uh and i remember they were showing the stats that always bugs me that they say that they have the los angeles lakers have 16 titles even if you say the franchise it just bugs the shit out of me really bill does it really bug you when when your fucking team just won a super bowl yeah i guess not really not really anybody watch the fucking bruins uh maple leafs game i have all the sports packages at this point i just sit here with with my daughter on my chest and i just sit there and i watch the games when my wife sleeps downstairs and when she cries i go downstairs and i just change the diaper.
And if she keeps crying, that means she's hungry.

It's really kind of easy the first three months.

And it sucks having to get up every like hour and eight minutes, roughly, at night.

But I just, I don't know, I just go into this fucking mindset.

She just bumps me and then I wake up and I just go, Daddy, daycare.

I make a little joke and I get up and my fucking achilles are so fucking tight like i there's something happens when you get old and i stretch all the fucking time i stretch all the fucking time and um i don't know if you guys if you're old fucking maybe this is i don't know if this is an old guy an an old white guy, an old red bald white guy thing, but I will lay on the fucking couch. I swear to God.
I swear to God I laid on that couch. I will lay on a couch for like fucking 12 minutes.
And if I go up, get up to go to the fucking refrigerator, it's like the first step I've taken in eight hours. I have to like literally stop.
Drives me up the wall.

I don't know what it is.

And fucking no matter how much down dog stretch I do,

it just doesn't seem to be working out.

So if you have that fucking problem,

here's a great stretch, okay?

Here's some old guy shit.

Before I even get out of bed now,

except now that I have a daughter,

I just immediately jump up because I don't want to do it and i know if i if i even contemplate you know laying there i'm gonna i'm gonna fall back asleep so i have to immediately jump up but like what i used to do before being a dad um is uh i just put you point your toes at your knees just do that for like 10 seconds and then point them the other way for like 10 seconds and then do clockwise and counterclockwise and then you can get out of bed. And for all you young cunts out there laughing at me right now, just remember this in 20 years, okay? Because you don't want to be that guy that blows out his fucking achilles because you're never the fucking same all right unless you got kobe bryant money and you can go to germany right and go see peyton manning's fucking doctor and they stick your fucking blood in a centrifuge whatever those fucking leftover nazis are doing over there right they're all running around um yeah you're gonna uh you're gonna fucking pay the price so i gotta make sure i stay limber because um who knows i don't know when i haven't really done a lot of research about kids even though i have one um i know at some point they do start running around and uh you know for the first like eight nine years of your life being a dad is game.
You know, you got to take it to the mat. So I got to make sure that I stay fucking limpa the best I can.
Cause I don't want to be that fucking, you know, I'm an old, I am an old dad, but I'm a fucking psycho. So that I will, I will energy my way through this.
You know what I mean? You know what I'm going to grogan my fatherhood i'm gonna be like fucking steve grogan during the neck brace years and i'm just gonna tough it out you know remember when you would just stand there and then this is back when you could hit a quarterback and you would just see this fucking guy running full speed and he would stand there until the last second and then he'd let it fly to Stanley Morgan. And right as they started to follow the ball, you just see the beginning of the impact.
And Steve Grogan and the other guy would go flying out of the right side of your screen as they follow the ball to the left. That's going to be me as a fucking quarterback.
I mean, as a, as a dad. So anyways, so I hit the road, I to um you know i'm going to uh charlotte kind of go to the comedy zone and um doing a couple of shows out there uh if i get there early night enough i'm gonna go to the charlotte hornets game and um and in in i'm closing in by the way and i'm going to duke carolina going to Duke Carolina.
And I'm not smoking cigars because I got this fucking life insurance thing. And I got to tell you, I haven't smoked a cigar in like well over two months, and I feel fucking good about it.
So I don't know. I might just keep going.
Who knows? I can't be that smelly dad coming in smelling like I went to the track. Oh, big fucking thing in my life.
My wife might let me bring the fucking game changer, you know, the flat top grill. We got it fucking downstairs in my backyard, right? And so the kitchen's fucking upstairs.
The layout of this house is completely fucked up, right? So I got to run up and down the fucking stairs, you know. It's a pain in the ass.
So I finally, because I got rid of a ton of shit, I put my old Ludwig kit up for sale. The symbols, everything.
It's the whole fucking John Bonham setup. 1971, Green Sparkle, Ludwig,

all the pasty cymbals,

even the Rogers hi-hat that he had.

I'm finally letting go of that.

That fanboy era is done.

I had a lot of fun with that kit,

but it's just fucking gigantic.

26-inch bass drum.

I don't want that.

You know what I want?

I want a 12, 14, 16, 22 kick.

That's what the fuck I want.

I never liked the sound of those cymbals.

I like the hi-hats, but I never liked the sound of the fucking ride.

He could make it sound good.

I couldn't.

So I've been getting into a bunch of other different sounds.

All this shit that I always heard in my fucking head. I really just kind of came to this realization as someone who does that as a hobby that, uh, I don't know that I was, you're not really creating.
You're just sort of recreating when you do shit like that. Like you get so into a musician that you want to buy all this shit, the exact shit that they had.
And then what? It's fucking it's just I don't know. There was just I just kept picturing John Bonham coming back to life and for whatever reason, walking into my house.
And then I go, oh, my God, John Bonham. Hey, you're like Jesus, but you're a drummer.
Come on in. Hey, by the way, you know, I'm a huge fan of yours.
Yeah, come on, check out my drum kit. And he would walk in and see his exact drum kit right down to the Rogers hi-hat.
And then he would get like that fucking, I was joking with a buddy of mine today over text. He would get that single white female vibe from me.
And he would just slowly back out of the room like, oh, yeah, yeah just fucking leave so um i don't know i'm gonna go out i'm trying out all the kits i heard that gretch broadcaster with the three ply is fucking you know has a great sound dw obviously amazing drums i grew up everybody that i watched used to play the tamas tama however the you say it, Pearl, the Ludwigs. You know what's funny? Phil Rudd always played Sonar or whatever.
And the great Benny Greb plays those. But they don't fucking, nobody has them.
They're like these amazing fucking drums. They're super expensive.
And I've never seen them, you you know not that i go to guitar center anymore you know i i go there's there's a place out here called uh uh professional drum shop and they got some great shit out there plus it's more you know they're like a legendary place you know dude i went in there i know this is all drum shit but i ran to a drummer recently he goes talk more drums man so all right fuck. So, all right, fuck it.
I talked enough sports here, right? Oh, I didn't talk about, you see McQuaid's fight? He fought this guy. I think the guy's last name is Smith.
Oh, my God, they had a great fight. It was an old school haymaker thing.
And McQuaid got the best of him in the end. Just two fucking tough guys.
But McQuaid got the last shot in and the guy kind of went down but i mean the guy took a bunch of shots but of course maple leaf fans were all like oh mcquade's wearing a shield what a fucking pussy right i love what people say no matter no matter how much how convincing your guy wins the fight there's always a fucking excuse but then my wife goes yeah because i was reading the comments i go this is fucking unreal because i'm sitting there going like well why didn't smith just punch mcquade's fucking helmet off the way mcquade did to him there was always that option right um but when i brought it up that the leaf fans were bitching that mcquade had on a visor my wife goes yeah i was gonna ask you about that and i was just like yeah all right he's got on half a welder's mask maybe you know throw an uppercut improvise you know over and under most shots go to the side of the helmet anyways right i'm old enough to remember when guys who didn't wear helmets fought guys who had helmets and then that was the pussy move and now i guess the pussy move is you know you can keep your fucking helmet on there's somebody else is cutting up their fucking hand punching the plastic but if you have a visor then you're a pussy i don't get it all i know is mcquade's one of the best fighters one of the toughest guys in the league and it was a great fucking fight and that game even though we lost was unbelievable was it six to five or something like that five to four i can't even remember bru have great games, really have great games. And, you know, even though we lost, I think we lost the last two, we won three in a row, but the Bruins are playing way better, way better.
And they're playing like the Bruins again. You know, I think we're actually up to like the seventh seed.
So all the fucking belly aching that I'm doing, I should have just kept my fucking mouth shut because who knows, you know? Now people write articles. Are they peaking too early? So anyways, the drum talk, getting back to the drum shit.
Yeah, I ran into somebody saying, oh, you should fucking talk more about that drum stuff. So that's basically what I want to do.
And then I want to get like, just a a i can't even like uh i'm trying to explain the sound to a buddy of mine that i'm looking for with cymbals but i'm going to try all of them out sabians minel i love the sound of those things at least you know what's weird is you see the professional guys play them and they make them sound so fucking good and then you buy the exact one and then you're like that doesn't sound the way it started when he did it that's because you're a comedian um so uh yeah so i'm gonna sell that kit and then the money i get from that i'm gonna the game plan is to buy that a new kit brand fucking new no more of this fucking old shit trying to figure stuff out. Oh was gonna say about that pro drum shop place this is how fucking great that place is i had a snare stand and um one of the you know the thing you screw into to hold it in the place whatever the fuck you call it would you call that a nut i have no idea all i know is it got stripped and it didn't it didn't work anymore now if you ever went to guitar center they'd be like oh you know you gotta buy a new one i walked into there and the guy just takes it and he went in the back he fucking machined the thing so it worked again he goes there you go i was like how much he's like yeah i don't know three bucks four bucks that doesn't exist anymore you know why that still exists straight across the board in one

industry is when you go to a cobbler you go into a fucking shoe store those guys they don't give a

shit they're in there with all those chemicals they don't even know what fucking year it is

you ever try to go into a shoe store where they where they actually repair shoes a cobbler i guess

seems weird to use that word but i think that's what it is right um the modern day blacksmith

Thank you. where they actually repair shoes.
A cobbler, I guess. Seems weird to use that word, but I think that's what it is, right?

The modern day blacksmith.

A cobbler.

And you go in there.

You can't even fucking breathe.

You got to do that thing where you're trying to pinch your nostrils together

as you talk to them.

Yeah, can you fix this belt?

Can you put some more soles on these?

And the guy's like, all right.

They never take like, it's always like cash.

They're like writing out a receipt.

You can't read any of their fucking writing.

I don't know.

There's one of those, you know something?

That's like a great place for like one of those fucking Harry Potter type of movies.

To start like a new franchise.

Something about when you go to a cobbler, it's like stepping back into time.

And there'd be some old weird guy, maybe played by Billyy crystal they put some prosthetics on his nose or some shit then he'd do that one time with that guy that guy from the washington bullets mirason did they do a movie together i don't know what the fuck it was i one of those ebenezer scrooge fucking movies but anyways they go into the cobbler and there's some sort of backroom area i love pitching out ideas for movies because i'm never gonna i'm not gonna fucking write one i'm not going through that fucking axe grinder or that fucking whore i why would you do that to yourself you know what i mean if you can travel the country telling shit and dick jokes why on fucking earth would you walk into that fucking heartbreaking of a fucking arena?

So I'm just any movie idea I have, I'm just throwing out there and I hope somebody fucking writes it and makes it.

I hope you make a fucking billion dollars.

I don't give a shit.

You know why?

Because the Patriots just won their fifth fucking Super Bowl.

And Tom Brady's the greatest quarterback of all time.

You can say it now. Five fucking rings.
Oh, God. Jesus Christ.
Do you know how sad do you know how many fucking sad people there are right now? And I don't just mean in Atlanta. I just mean Patriot haters in general.
Because the Patriots have been so fucking successful. And they've been so fucking so fucking vilified you know for the shit that they do that everybody else fucking does right they fucking that literally watching them lose gives other people hope you know gives you hope that you can call up your cable company dispute the bill and get some money off of it right gives you hope that you can fucking you know elect a politician and they they're gonna fucking not sell out to the corporations you know what i mean that that's that's what the patriots have become that that's their level of fucking success there's gonna be a lot of slumped shoulders going to work tomorrow or maybe right now maybe you're one of those people maybe you're driving in your car right now and your shoulders are so slumped you're not even using your hands to fucking steer you just got your shoulders fucking wrapped around it chest all fucking caved in as the thrill ride says right maybe one of those people well you know what i say fucking grow up all right it's just a goddamn game i would have taken the loss i was already ready i already i was sitting there writing my fucking concession speech you know i'm fucking believable anyways all right let's get out of this fucking vortex here um i don't even know if I got the advertising yet for this week.
Oh, yeah, so the game plan is I'm going to buy that fucking kit, and then I'm going to find some rehearsal space somewhere nearby, some fucking place for a couple hundred bucks a month, and I'm going to fucking put it in there, all right? And whenever I can, that's going to be my fucking man cave, all right? Because you know what the fuck happens. You know what I mean? You have a kid, you're married, you know, gradually all of your shit just starts fucking disappearing.
Okay. My wife can't fucking wait.
She couldn't, she couldn't fucking, you know, she's happy. I like the drums, but no fucking woman wants a fucking 26 inch bass drum in a fucking travel case.
Like'm on the fucking road with the rolling stones and another fucking four drums stacked up on top of that you know in front of the bed in the guest room nobody fucking wants it well they don't want that so um i don't know but you know what i gotta give this to her she never told me to sell the fucking thing all All I know is when I told her that I was selling it, I saw the excitement in her eye, and then I tested her, and I said, yeah, but then I'm going to go buy another one, and it's going to live right there. And then she just stared at me, and I just started laughing.
I'm trying not to be a dick, though, now that our dynamic has changed. You know? Like, I'm going to put my truck in fucking storage and I'll, uh, drive it on the weekends.
I know there's a lot of married guys right now going, ah, you're never going to drive it. And then you're going to fucking sell it.
Um, I actually thought about selling it too, you know, just this whole fucking streamline and line in my life, get my fucking shit down. But, um, I can't fucking do it i just when i drive that truck the stupid smile on my fucking face it's just i can't do it can't fucking do it so i'm just gonna put it in storage and i'll eat that fucking money i hate being the storage guy i got stuff in storage yeah people who have stuff in storage are just too lazy to have a fucking yard sale.

You know what I mean?

Just fucking sell it.

Sell it.

How long has it been there?

What is, you know what's funny?

Just hanging on to those fucking memories.

I'm telling you, dude, it's a fucking disease.

And I got it bad. I'm a sentimental fool.
I got to get rid of all of that shit. I never look at it.
It just becomes another box in the fucking attic. You know? Then you fucking die someday, and then somebody's looking through it, and there's all this weird shit in there that you kept.
Some menu from fucking Tulsa, Oklahoma for whatever what the fuck is it and then you know he just given these people this big job that they got to go and throw their shit out oh here's the sonar fucking is this their website oh that's them in nom the nom show where all the shredders go. See here.
You know, I was in Sam Ash the other day, right? And I wanted to see if they had it. What the fuck? Oh, I know why I went there.
I actually can't say why I went there. I won't get caught.
I just had all these extra drumsticks, and I had all this shit that I was getting rid of that I just don't fucking use. And I'm like, what gonna do with this stuff i can't sell old drumsticks on a fucking on ebay or some shit so what i did was i just bundled them all together and just left them in their parking lot you know some kid's gonna walk in there and be like holy shit i got i got you know i had like 40 pairs of fucking all these different drumsticks over the years.

I just bundled them all and just stuck them there.

Like a fucking cowbell,

a couple other things.

So at that point I'm like,

all right,

I got kind of feeling guilty.

So I went into Sam Ashland's,

I got to buy a fucking pair of drumsticks.

And there was some kid in there just doing that fucking drumming where he's

amazing.

But all the whole fucking

thing it's just one fill after another those fucking linear 30 second note fucking fills played nine million miles an hour every fucking after what it just all sounds the same Fucking like

I almost started laughing

Because the kid was amazing. But after a while, I was just like, dude, you sound like you're fucking, you sound like you fucking snorted a couple of eight balls.
Jesus Christ. Maybe I'm just getting old.
I was like, how am I putting a little air in there? You know, the old guy who can't play as good as a young kid he's jealous of his chops but jesus christ all right what am i doing here i'm trying to find the fucking um here we go the live reads all right there you go okay that's done let's uh let's all go to the lobby bop bop bada daboo-boo. All right, let's read some of these fucking things.

Hey, did I call it a what?

I said it was going to be a classic.

Although I don't know if I can,

it's a classic for one side.

I thought it was going to be a classic for both sides.

But all right, enough, Bill.

Okay, the fucking Atlanta fans have suffered enough.

Okay, let's just fucking get through this.

Okay, all right.

First football game watched from Sweden.

Bill Birdie, being from Sweden,

saying that football isn't big here is an understatement.

I don't know how they talk over there,

but that's actually a Swedish accent, isn't it?

I have no idea.

But I've been listening to your podcast for a couple years now,

and your rambling over NFL have made me interested. Oh, look at that.
Maybe you just got me a job at the NFL. You know? Maybe I could be on one of your little Google things in your room.
As you fucking talk in whatever the hell you guys speak over there. Risen, schmisen, fisen.
That's what it always sounds like to me. I can't imagine what I sound like to you.
Probably a fucking asshole. All right.
I finally sat down and watched a game, and it was the Super Bowl that just ended.

And what a game.

I'm sold.

Jesus Christ, when the fuck did this guy send this in?

I love hockey mostly, but I found a new game to love.

Tom Brady, best QB ever, says the Swedish commentators.

I have no clue, but I believe them, I guess.

Thanks for getting me into the game.

Better late than never.

People who can speak a second language,

that's fucking amazing.

Sorry for the bad English grammar.

Dude, you did the fucking Boston accent perfectly

in a second language.

He says it's early and I'm tired.

All the best to you, Nia,

and the newborn baby girl.

Love the special.

Looking forward to season two

as F is for Family.

You know what's funny?

I was just thinking I got to get over there. I missed you guys on the last tour.
I didn't do the Norway, the Oslo, Stockholm, Helsinki run. I got to make sure I do that at some point.
But anyway, Jesus Christ, dude, I don't want to rain on your parade, but you just, most football games are not that exciting. You know know how boring the first half was? Well, I guess for me it was.
It was depressing. I guess it was exciting for Atlanta fans.
Oh, God, I can't. You know, I had a buddy of mine.
Actually, he recently passed away, which sucks, but he told me this fucking story. When the Red Sox had like two outs in 1986 against the mets he had the wire off his champagne bottle and he had to put it back on after they lost hey maybe this will be um for atlanta fans this will be cathartic for you if you want to share share your, uh, I thought we were going to win stories.
And then I had to put the fucking wire back on the champagne bottle. I'll read them next week.
Um, or anybody out there, if you have those, we're going to fucking win. And then you lose the fucking game.
Um, I got a bunch of them I can share with you. Uh, I got a bunch of those.
i got a bunch of them i can share with you uh i got a bunch of those i got a bunch of those um those could be fucking really full those are fucking always hilarious it's that's comedy man it's open when if it works out there's no comedy it's like when when you fight like if the patriots fucking got their asses kicked that would have been that would have i already knew i was going we just got our asses whipped i had the whole fucking thing worked out instead i came on gushing here like i just won the fucking publishers clearinghouse i cannot fucking believe they came back and won that game that is i i've fucking stunned can't cannot fucking believe that all right brit. Hey, Bill, I remember hearing that you used to be a dentist before your standup career took off.
So I have a dental question for you. I was not a dentist, but I'd love that you put that out there and that'll probably end up on my Wikipedia page.
I don't know why we British don't take dental care seriously. i have pretty decent teeth for a british person probably in the top 15 percent of people british people that is i always brush twice a day unless i get drunk and forget sometimes after going out drinking but i noticed that when i was in america my teeth were shit what the fuck are you lot over there in the land of McDonald's and Coca-Cola doing to keep your teeth so clean?

Is there toothpaste in the water supply?

Well, there was fluoride.

Sometimes they put in too much and people got those white spots in their teeth.

Seriously, do you lot live at the dentist?

A lot, meaning all you guys.

Even the working class over in America seem to have good teeth. Yeah, we do.
Well, I mean, braces are a big thing over here. I don't know if you guys have those over there yet.
Those are a big thing. People also can get their teeth bleached.
Caps are a lot better than they used to be. Yeah, but at the end of the day, dude, you got to brush your teeth after you eat.
And there's certain things like drinking coffee. I guess your tea over there would probably stain the shit out of them.
I'll tell you one that's fucking brutal. Red wine.
Red, red wine. Make your teeth gray.
Yeah, just brush and floss you know i got this life insurance test coming up because i'm getting my affairs in order now that i got a kid um they told me uh they said have you been to the dentist and i said yes and i said was there any gum disease and i said no and they said that's good i said oh i go they're worried about my teeth falling out and they said no gum disease can be a sign of something wrong with your heart i was like what i i never heard i never heard that never heard that i know if you had fucked up teeth that usually and led to you not uh chewing your food as well which led to stomach problems and then problems with your intestine and then down to your ass it's all fucking connected um but i had never heard of that so anyways he said to put put in perspective how bad some british people are with dental hygiene i know someone who would only brush their teeth once or twice a week i had to buy them an electric toothbrush as a not so subtle hint that not brushing your teeth is fucking disgusting i guess there's a lot of truth to stereotypes p.s i'll be amazed if you actually manage to read this without stuttering you illiterate fuck uh you know something if that whole fucking thing was just to get that joke in that was an absolute masterpiece you know if you actually just pick that subject british dentistry just to fool us so we would actually read it and was all self-deprecating just to the end just to call me a fucking illiterate fuck the stuttering illiterate fuck is great that was tremendous um i don't even know if you're serious anymore. But yeah, that's, listen, when I worked in a dental office, all I did was just hand the shit.
I was an assistant. I was certified to take x-rays.
I wasn't a hygienist. I wasn't any of that other shit.
So anyways, yeah, that was one of my first jokes. This guy came in and guy was like, you know, I don't understand what's wrong with my teeth i mean i brush my teeth almost every day and my joke was oh really do you wipe your ass almost every time you take a shit i mean come on people is this thing on it's one of my first jokes everybody that was a what do they call it throwback thursday um actress paying alimony uh if you just brush your fucking teeth I think you'll be fine you know and especially before you go to bed to just like go out drinking and doing all that shit and then just go to bed and just let that shit just get in it's gross it's fucking gross you should brush floss and you should use mouthwash you know and then you should find a fucking woman that does the same thing and that's the person you should be kissing over there everybody else i don't know jesus christ oh my god that's fucking gross anyways actress paying alimony bill wondering if you saw this a fairly famous actress has been paying her unemployed husband alimony and she's complaining that he hasn't tried to get a job she's paying him 20 grand a month does that make him a bum is this like a trick question if i had a son that ever fucking did that i would disown him that's fucking unbelievable i've seen that you know that that does happen one of the uh all right here we go let's let me read this thing here uh according to a court document so-and-so has paid over a half a million dollars to her former spouse since 2015 these funds include around 150 000 in such and such residuals i'm not gonna say who the fuck this is i hate putting people's dirty laundry out there even though it's already out here um she gave birth to their daughter in march of last year this person alleges that the other guy cheated on him with the oh he's saying that she cheated on him with her co-star a point of contention in the divorce the divorce has since been finalized the terms of support have not hence a temporary agreement where she has to pay this dude over 20 grand monthly well you know if they do get divorced if she's out here in california she's gonna get

fucked according to documents so-and-so is requested to be able to stop sending the guy those payments saying that the guy has made no effort to get a job of his own and is living off of her um yeah man i mean that's when you just start thinking murderous thoughts. You know, I think that's, you know, it's bad enough when a fucking woman does it.
I mean, I'm really doing like a double standard here. But, yeah, dude, I mean, you're not a fucking man if you do something like that.
And if you're a woman and you don't try to get a job, you're a piece of shit. But you know what? I know that you don't give a fuck so you know women don't give a shit they actually get off on the fact that you fucking you know am i really going to turn this around to slamming women am i really going to figure out how to do that when this a woman the woman's a victim in this bill okay um yeah that's complete bullshit it's complete bullshit i i straight across the board think that's fucked up all right Now, okay, if she's a fucking drug addict and he has to stay at home the entire time to watch their kid.
I mean, they just had their kid. That is actually his job.
That I understand. You know what I mean? Oh, God.
Therefore, with the grace of God, go I. Holy shit.
I just don't understand how it gets to that. You know what I mean? How do you get to that point where you're with somebody, you have a fucking kid, I'm probably jinxing myself, you have a kid together and then it like, you decided to make another person together and within a fucking two years of that, you're getting to like, Jesus Christ.
it'd be one thing if they had a one night stand but they were already married that's fucking nuts alright who knows maybe the guy went nuts maybe she did fuck around him I don't know alright coaching daughters sports teams coaching well it's supposed to be an apostrophe there. Coaching Daughters Sports Team.

All right, congrats on not pulling out.

Ha ha.

Oh, thank you.

I was wondering if you will coach any of your daughter's sports teams

when she gets older.

What sports would you like to see her grow up to play?

Congratulations to you, Ania, and thank you for another great special.

Oh, you're welcome.

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Would I do that uh I don't know I don't want to insert myself into my daughter's life like that I'd like her to have to learn how to deal with another adult especially if she doesn't like him and learn how to fucking you know deal with a coach that's a little hard nosed or whatever you know i mean i'm not gonna be one of those people that you know play my

fucking kid if my kid stinks i'm not gonna fucking make him play my kid right i'm not gonna be that

i just all of that shit i don't understand any of that and if your coach is fucking hard nosed

and your kid comes home crying about it it's a little toughen the fuck up

Thank you. of that shit i don't understand any of that and if your coach is fucking hard-nosed and your kid comes home crying about it it's a little toughen the fuck up learn how to deal you think this is the first asshole you're ever gonna fucking run into in life it's it's not you know you know what work twice as hard make that fucking guy regret that he ever yelled at you or that woman that's what you do you just you just go fucking harder that's what you do what you don't do is fucking mope around about it and and try less all right if your motivation even if your motivation is fuck this guy you know you're gonna play better but you gotta use that negative shit and turn it into a positive.
And I'm a big believer in playing organized sports and organized sports has gotten a brutal reputation over the years. Some of it is justified.
A lot of it wasn't. a lot of it was a bunch of uncoordinated people who did not have a good fucking experience

and then married someone else who was also uncoordinated and then watched their toddler growing up bumping into shit and was like, oh my God, they're going to suck at sports too, and they're going to have the same pain that I had.

Rather than steering them away from sports and going, hey, maybe you're a writer,

or maybe you're into science.

These fucking uncoordinated cunts had to stick them in sports,

and then they had to dumb the whole thing down where everybody gets a ribbon.

I had a buddy of mine recently said, or was it somebody doing a joke? I can't say it if it was a joke. Who the fuck told me this story? It was, no, it was somebody's bit.
I can't do it. Ah, fuck.
It had to do basically with playing, little kids playing softball, and when they first played, they played without the ball, and they pretended that they hit the fucking thing. So nobody would have the pressure of making an error, and they could be like, nice catch, way to go, and all of that shit.
It's fucking insane. No, I'm not going to do that.
And fortunately, my wife is on the same page.

And I told you that shit.

Somebody sent us some Boston sports shirts.

And they were with the logos of the teams. And they were in pink.

And my wife was just going like, yeah, she's not wearing those.

I'm like, what, because you hate sports?

And she goes, no, because they're pink. She goes, if she's going to wear the team stuff, she's wearing the team colors.
I think I already told you this guy. I was like, do you have any fucking idea how much real sports fans would appreciate what you just said? You don't even like sports.
You have no fucking idea. You just stepped in shit there.
That's exactly it. Anyway, i don't have no fucking idea so will i coach um no i wouldn't do that you know what if i was ever to coach i would be uh i think i would be an assistant coach i'd be the rah-rah guy if they were little and shit this i couldn't fucking sit there yelling at kids um and also i don't think i know enough about the fucking game i've watched a bunch of sports but to actually coach a team and teach somebody how to get better i mean i think i'd be i'll be a good dad if she wants to be go in the backyard learn how to hit a ball or shoot some baskets i think i'm good at that but like you know that's a hell of a responsibility and i'm i have a very volatile personality and i just i don't want to be the earl weaver of fucking eight-year-olds out there screaming and yelling but we'll see we'll see how the meditating and possibly going to therapy works out but um i'm more excited just to see what she gravitates to i'm gonna expose her to as much music and different shit as i possibly can and then just sort of stand back see what she goes after and then just encourage her and if it's like a fae if it's a phase it's a phase and then she moves on to something else but my parents were really cool about kind of letting us do um you know whatever the fuck we wanted to do uh as far as trying shit life.
Like my parents never gave me shit about being a standup comedian. And, um, that's pretty, uh, when I, you know, the amount of comics that I've run into where to this day, like they're super successful and their parents still don't even respect what they do, thinking that they're just up there fucking around um it's pretty amazing so i got really

lucky in that department so that's one of the good things that i'm keeping from my uh my upbringing so

long story short um no but i will go to every fucking game i'll go to every game and i'm not

going to argue with other parents and uh if the if the fucking referee stinks and is screwing my

team i'm just going to sit there and just you know know, I'm just not going to be that fucking guy. I'm going to make jokes and I'll be laughing.
But you know what the big thing is, is when I go to her games, I'm going to be sober. So that's going to really tone down.
It's when I go to games and I've had a few i can't resist there's a crowd there's jokes to be made even way back in the day when i was fucking you know way more introverted i had a couple of beers and i would be in sullivan stadium and i would yell out shit and people in my section would laugh and i would just build my confidence and suck. Some games I would yell out the first thing and would bomb.
And then I wouldn't say anything again until the third quarter. And then I'd throw it out, but only have like, you know, 50% confidence.
So it only did okay. And, and it'd be like my, literally my bad set back then, like bombing was, I went to a game and I yelled out some shit and nobody laughed, but I don't know.
It's not the way it used to be because everybody's so concerned about kids and political correctness and fucking public drunkenness and shit. But back in the day, like what was going on in the field was about half as entertaining as what was going on in the stands it was just and it was all just sophomoric stupid i remember sitting we had like and not end zone seats we were sitting right at the corner um you know like past the goal line we're basically sitting like facing the end zone and then there was the end zone seats and they used to have this beer commercial uh light beer from miller and they used to have the big fights less feeling taste great less feeling tastes like they were having a fight you know over over if it didn't fill you up as much or if it tasted better so that became like this stupid thing that people did you'd be at a someone figured out one time stood up and yelled at the other section said less filling and someone else stood up and screamed taste great and then we'd all be yelling like yeah we're doing the commercial this is before youtube so this was actually fun so there'd be one section go less filling then we'll go taste great less filling taste great and of course because it was a bunch of drunks drunk males it immediately It immediately went sophomoric, and it eventually became, fuck you, eat shit, fuck you, eat shit.
And we would do that 20 times a game, and it would be just as funny the 20th time as it was the first time because we were all a bunch of immature fucking idiots. I miss those days.

You know?

I really fucking missed.

That was a lot of fun back then.

Now it's just so, you know, the ball's in play.

Don't go to your seat.

There's some fucking old lady with a construction hat on telling you to stop.

I don't know.

I'm just a fucking curmudgeon.

What are you going to do?

But anyways, that's the podcast for this week.

Thank you guys so much for listening. And thank you everybody who's been watching my special and giving me the great reviews um i'm really proud of uh this special and if you haven't had a chance to watch it please uh check it out obviously that helps me out with my relationship with netflix and my ability to do uh eventually do another one and um if you've already seen it and you enjoyed it, please tell somebody else to check it out.
And that's it. And congratulations to the New England Patriots.
Holy shit. Championship number five.
Unbelievable. Unbelievable.
Once again, I'm not fucking around here. My condolences to Atlanta fans.
I have been there. It fucking sucks.
But you guys got a hell of a team. And I hope you're back there next year and you get your fucking win.
All right. That's it.
Go fuck yourselves. I'll check in on you.
Check in on you on Thursday. And all you cunts in Charlotte, I'll see you on Wednesday.
All right. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL edition for Super Bowl week, guys.
What can I say? This is the last one of the season. It went fast.
Here we are. Before we get started, oh, by the way, I'm Paul Bursey.
That's Bill Burr. We have the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills bright and early today, and nobody has heard from Jake the Snake.
We had, we think the guy's choice award on the Playboy channel. Yeah.
Jake the Snake had a little escapade last night. We're trying to get him back.
Probably had a bender. Before we get started on the Superbowl episode, guys, we got to shout out BetMGM.
It's been our great sponsor all year. BetMGM.
Here's how you do it, guys. If you want to get on the action for Super Bowl, you just go to just download the BetMGM app on your device and use our code, the anything better code, which is Burr, B-U-R-R.
Okay, and you put in as much as $10 A minimum of $10 and you will get $1,500 back in bonus bets if your bet loses. If the bet does lose, you will get the $1,500 in bonus bets after the original wager is settled.
And also, guys, we have the first touchdown bet you could do. You choose which player is going to get the first touchdown of the Super Bowl.
And if you don't, and the second player you choose gets it, you will get your bet back. You'll get your stack back in cash.
There you go. It's that simple.
All right, Bill. Well, here you are.
Bill was right. Bill's AFC and NFC championship games were right.
He had the Eagles and the Chiefs. I took the commanders thinking the Eagles would win, but the commanders would cover.
That did not happen. And the Buffalo Bills came up short, and the Chiefs are back in the Super Bowl against the Eagles.
What can I say? Paul, you're fading away on me here. You're out of focus.
There we go. There he is.
All right. Well, Paul, and the NFL did their part.
It's just too much money, dude. It's too much money.
You can't not have Taylor Swift to cut to. It's too much money.
All right? That's like that Lakers trade. That kid was not making the owners any money in Dallas.

You got to get him to the show, Paul.

You got to get him in L.A.

Diane Cannon and all of these, you know, whatever their name is.

You know, you got to get him out there.

It's a show, Paul.

Diane Cannon.

You have to ask yourself.

You got to ask yourself, what's the better thing?

That they three-peated and then he gets four and wait a minute. Is he going to catch Tom Brady? He got four faster than Tom? I don't think he's in.
The fact is that this shit, Tom Brady, he's not even warm yet from fucking retiring. The guy already threatening his seven.
It's such a fucking show. It's I can't I'm not I'm not going to watch the fucking game, Paul.
That's how fucking disgusted I am with this shit. It's disgusting.
Well, I'm going to have a hard time watching it because for two reasons that just let him play. If they let him fucking play, I think the Eagles chance I want to see a fucking game here all right I don't want to see this this this fucking and I don't want to I can't watch it anymore Paul and it's not this isn't like fucking sour grapes or anything it's fucking ridiculous it took fucking two only two guys ever had four fucking Super Bowl rigs for the first like you know 40 Super Bow Super Bowls or whatever, right? Takes Tom Brady 25 years to catch up to four.
And then he puts it out of reach at seven, five fucking years. This guy's going to win like fucking 11.
I still buy it. Let me ask you this happen.
What do you think if the Eagles win this? Do you think the Eagles got a chance to win this game? A hundred percent. If they let them fucking play.
If the fucking guy says it's a first down and they let it be a first down, yeah, they do. If he puts his hand on the small of the guy's back and is past interference, or you tell the guy to put his helmet back on, and he let a fucking defensive coordinator call timeout, or they can hold up and down the fucking field.
If fuckhead's flopping all over the goddamn field and they stay rough in the passer, they don't get a shot, dude. If they let them play.
Yeah. They let them play.
This is a rough one for me. Cause Saquon's either going to go crazy and the Eagles are going to win, which is going to shatter my heart.
Or I got to watch the same thing again. So this is a.
Paul, if you were a football fan, you have to root for the fucking Eagles. The future of this can't be fucking manufactured.
Cross promoting pop music, cross promoting the WNBA. Cross promoting you're watching greatness.
I mean, when you put it that way, yeah. I miss the game, Paul.
It's like I watch an Eagles game, okay? If I watch a game the Chiefs aren't in, it's a completely different. You know, I'm watching sort of football.
You know, the game evolves, it changes or whatever, right? There's still crazy things where I'm just like, you know, you run outside the pocket, you can get fucking tackled. No, you can't do that, whatever.
A lot of this shit has changed, but, like, the shit, dude, is like. No, I agree.
Dude, I agree with you. I texted you during the year, and I go, dude, the officiating this year has been some of the fairest and best I've ever seen, except Chief games.
Pushing them. Pushing them along.
Except. Chiefs are a fucking great team, dude.
I mean, I'm not saying they're not a a great team I'm not saying they would have not won fucking two whatever but like how many fucking weeks in a row can there be a fucking bullshit call that goes their way every fucking time dude every fucking time and this crap where they talk about the Patriots getting preference treatment dude we went to like fucking like 12 AFC championship games or 15, like a zillion of them. We lost a lot of them.
Yeah. We lost a lot of them.
Dude, I'm going to tell you how disappointed I am in this year's Super Bowl. I got offered VIP treatment to go to the Super Bowl, to fly down, to be in a suite, to do the whole fucking thing, maybe even go on the field, and I just go, no, I'm just – I can't do it.
I can't do it. I can't take part in either celebration.
I can't be happy for really – I'm going to – Paulie's going to sit home. He's going to be with his kids.
He's going to put his feet up, you know, a couple people over, maybe play some darts. That's it.
Well, I'm down down to two sports now i can watch hockey and baseball because i sort of feel but the astros fucked up baseball well now i'm like you know there's no way other teams aren't going to be like hey you know stick a camera up there you're fucking wise and guys imagine the eagles just run them imagine if the eagles just beat them by 30 dude that could happen i i wouldn. I wouldn't be surprised, though, because I feel like there's so much chatter about this shit that it's so fucking ridiculous.
This preferential treatment. I think that if the Eagles win, the owners win both ways where it's like they got their moneymaker.
Kansas City Chiefs, dude, are a fucking moneymaker. Like, it's

just raining. You got that revenue sharing.

Well, the worst thing about revenue sharing

is it makes your owner

fucking successful, whether his

team is or not. And once you

fucking do that, it becomes a fucking show.

All right. Well...

I know. I know.

No, what? No, I'm just saying dude i'm just like i know listen dude i'm not saying i'm 100 right here but i i think about 69 70 right on this fucking one dude where it's just like it's it's it's it's just it's i don't know i don't know fucking over speak here but dude dude, it's been a fucking abominant. I literally – I don't even watch Chiefs games.
And then I just go on the internet, and everybody's just going, what the fuck? How the fuck can you call that? How can you not fucking call that? And I don't even have to fucking guess which way it went. Right, yeah.
And it's in the algorithm, too. We have Jake the Snake here? Jake's coming in Somebody's got to shut me up this week Alright, Jake Oh, Jake's coming in in two minutes, he's putting his pants on Yeah, Jake's a little late Yeah, he's taking his scarf off, he just got in He's like when Henry Hill came home Where have you been, Henry? And he's Who are these people? He's going to walk back to his fucking car.
What kind of people are they? Oh, dude, if Jake comes back, Jake comes on camera, he's wiping his nose, his hair's all over the place. She's in the background grabbing her clothes.
Somebody's got to do it, you know? You treat me like a dog, Jake. Ah, shut up.
I'm 10 minutes late for my own podcast, and I got to come home to this. How do you like it? All right, well, I guess we could just go into the – we'll go – here we go, man.
Let's go into our picks here. Here's the deal.
The Chiefs are one point and a half favorite, a point and a half favorite. The Chiefs are basically it's a pick them, dude.
And Bill, I'll give you the you want to go first. You want me to go first? You go first.
All right. All right, ladies and gentlemen, here we we go my official pick for the super bowl look great word great word what you said official oh uh look i'm never as good in the playoffs the last couple years as i am in the regular season i don't know if that's wishful thinking or what here Here's the deal.
I learned my lesson going against the Chiefs many times. Last year, I had San Francisco.
The game was all but one.

They fumbled the ball on the four. Mahomes and the Chiefs come down and win the game.

Say what you want about it. I'm not making the same mistake twice.
I am going to pick

the Kansas City Chiefs to get the three-peat. I think that I've just bet against them every time

and the same mistake twice. I am going to pick the Kansas City Chiefs to get the three-peat.
I think that I've just bet against them every time, and I've lost every time. And I got to be honest with you, I don't know which I could stomach more, but seeing Saquon Barkley hoist up a Lombardi trophy after the years he had with the Giants would absolutely crush my heart.
I'm going to take the Kansas city chiefs minus one and a half to win the Superbowl. That is my pick.
I'm taking the Eagles to kick the shit out of them. Okay.
I think the Eagles, I think if they fucking let these two goddamn teams play football and these fucking stupid ass fucking officials call a first down, a fucking first and don't call a non-pass interference pass interference and all of that shit and only Andy Reid can call fucking timeout if you take your fucking helmet off in the end zone it's a fucking unsportsmanage they actually fucking call the game like a football game I think the Eagles will beat them I just do and that's that's just coming from the fact that um you, with Saquon Barkley, not only can he run all over him, the amount of fucking time they could take off the clock.

Paul, this is all fucking wishful thinking. All right.

This is like the cop showed up and Kansas City Chiefs are a blue eyed blonde girl crying.

OK, you're going to jail. I mean, I am literally...
I told you last year when I saw the fucking Chiefs were getting a point, I don't gamble like this. And I...
I mean, most I ever put on a game was a couple hundred bucks. I put a thousand bucks.
They're not going to lose.

It's a show call.

But I feel like, you know, the show keeps going if the Chiefs lose, though.

Because then all that heartbreaking loss, can they fucking rebuild?

And they can keep going with it, you know.

But I will tell you, if Travis and fucking Shania Twain, they're fucking break up, I'm telling you. I'm telling you, the Chiefs are in trouble.
If that... I mean, one of them is dating a woman that can sell out a football stadium, Paul.
That's a lot to go against. But I just think that, you know...
You know what? I just want the angles to win paul i'm i bet with my heart look into your heart you know you gotta vote you gotta vote for philly you know what sucks about this dude what really sucks about this is a great coach like andy reed and a good team like this now when there is a flag even when the flag is real people are going to question it because of all of this shit that's happened. And it sucks because it's like, what's fucking real with the call and what's not.
And I hate that. I hate that.
I don't feel bad for them because they're fucking walking around with the goddamn jewelry. I don't give a shit.
Yeah, they did it to themselves. How many? I've lost count how many they've won.
Is it three?

Back to back and they won another.

They got three, right?

They got three out of the last five years.

Paul, he's got four rings before he's 30.

Is he the greatest ever?

I mean, they literally rebooted it.

Bam.

It's like when Jordan retired.

Second Jordan retired, they had the boring-ass Spurs, and then you went into the whole fucking pile-on championship era.

Dude, they gave him $ 400 million before his third one and he got four um i i don't i don't i'm i'm telling you dude well i am i'm rooting against walmart here oh look who it is what time did you kick her out?

Jake, the snake's wigs do not come off.

Sorry, Jake.

We woke you up.

I know, playboy.

You're usually just coming home at this point.

You're a Buick Skylark.

So, Jake, we've got to ask you, Jake.

We've got a few minutes left here.

Do we have any injuries for the big game?

No.

Everyone's going to be out there.

I believe it's also like saying one of the Eagles was sick.

It was either Jalen Carter or AJ Brown. But I think, you know, you play three real misses.

I'm going to shoot some time.

All right. The referee sprayed a common cold mist spray at him.
Exactly. Jake, the Eagles are going to win this game, right? Come on.
I don't know. How are you going to bet against the Mahomes at this point? You know? But to your point, they may not rig this game because it could generate interest for next year.
He's the greatest guy that ever put on fucking... I've never seen a quarterback better than him.
How strong his arm is, the way he sees the field, his toughness on the field.

I've just never seen a guy play the position better.

He's the greatest of all time until the second he retires,

and then they'll prop up the next code.

He gets 50.

You know what's weird, too?

His thighs touch when he walks and runs.

I've never seen a guy's – ever seen his legs?

He just doesn't look like he'd be that athletic. He walks – his thighs touch when he walks.
Anyway, I don't know. Look, I'm not betting against him.
Paul, you know when you go to the supermarket and they tell you something's organic, but it really isn't? I'm not saying it's going to kill you. I'm just saying it's not as good as they're saying it is.
Well, listen, we should let our other two guys on the show here do it. Andrew and Jake, who do you guys got? It's a one-and-a-half point spread.
Who do you got? I'm just going to root for the Eagles. That's not the question, Andrew.

Have you ever heard more of a lack

of excitement about a Super Bowl in your fucking

life? I'm looking to root for the Eagles.

Well, I mean,

last championship games, everybody

I rooted for lost.

I mean,

I'm not

going to put money on the Chiefs.

I don't know. If I say I think the Chiefs are going to win, then how do I enjoy the game rooting for the Eagles? Sabotage.
All right. How about you, Jake? That's a quagmire.
Yeah, that was a whodunit. You got the lighting too, Andrew.
I like that. It's very mysterious.
Jake's got the Chiefs. I could see it all over his face.
Jake right now is in Stack's apartment. He just killed him and he told him to fucking take the coffee.
I bet you I had one of your bitches in here. I did.
Where'd she go? What are you doing? It's a fucking joke. Because when are you going to take the fucking pot? All right.
Well, there you go. I feel more than anything that's why Frankie Carbone got whacked.
He was just too fucking stupid. It's just like this guy's going to accidentally say some shit to the wrong person.
Yeah, you dizzy motherfucker. Yeah, he was just like, he was doomed.
He was fucking doomed. Johnny Rose Beef.
Johnny Rose Beef was one of the best characters in that movie, dude.

What's my grandmother's name?

He goes to my mother's name.

It was a gift.

I love that card.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

And I love when his wife tried talking, and De Niro goes,

hold on a second, sweetheart.

Are you stupid or what?

MVP?

All right, let's go.

Who's going to be MVP of the game? I say the Eagles win and Patrick Mahomes is skimming. But he just played so well.
We have to. I don't think I've ever seen a guy take a Super Bowl loss better than Patrick Mahomes.
I mean, as much as Saquon Barkley ran for 240 yards, I have to say the class that Patrick Mahomes just showed, all these Kansas City Chiefs and the city of Kansas City, let's not forget Taylor Swift, I think they all share in this MVP trophy. The way he threw that interception, I know it went to the other team, but nobody throws interceptions in the end zone.
I mean, it was right on the numbers. It was a perfect interception.
It actually looked like he was trying to hit his man. Saquon for MVP is a good number.
If you do want to take the Eagles, I think it's 250. That's a pretty good number.
Oh, my God, dude. That's like a haunting nightmare for me.
If Saquon is the MVP of the Super Bowl for the Eagles. Oh, you doubled down on that, Paul.
A haunting nightmare. Haunting nightmare.
Haunting nightmare. That sounds like the name of a metal album.
The band's starting to die. Their fourth album.
I thought it sounded like an opening band. All right, guys, before Metallica comes out here, we got a young band, Haunting Nightmare.

It's just a guy.

He's got like the – he's just like fucking –

All right, Oakland.

Are you ready to rock tonight?

Because we are.

We got the Haunting Nightmare shirts in the lobby.

All right.

Hauntingnightmare.org. Who threw that? Who threw that? We're from right outside of Detroit, Michigan.
We just want to thank all the Haunting Nightmare fans. Dude, Haunting Nightmare.
Savage animal. All right.
I'm just a right. So I think for MVP, I'm going to go.
I'm going to go. I got one for you.
Hold on. If I can get my stupid camera.
I'm going to go. Elon Musk on us there, Paul.
Dude, I don't know what's going on with this camera. I got to.
I'm going to take Travis Kelsey for MVP. That's a fun one.
Oh, that's – now, there's where the money's at. And then he wins it.
Plus 1,500, Paul. Plus 1,500.
Travis Kelsey ends up having the last game. And then how about this? And what's the over-under that he goes and he points at Taylor Dane up there in the fucking suite so they get the cross-pollination there? There's actually props on if he'll propose after the game.
I think he's going to retire

if they win. My prediction is

if he's going to have a game of his life, get

MVP and then retire. Is he that

old? He's wanted to

retire for two years now, dude. He's doing this

because of the three-peat run or whatever, but if he

wins or lose, I think he's done.

He's already got a buddy cop

movie lined up. It's like so...
I think he's done. He's already got a buddy cop movie lined up.

I'm not even joking.

I swear to God.

He's acting now.

It's going to be terrible.

It's going to be absolutely awful.

You know what's going to be good?

It might be better than that Brian Bosworth movie.

Come on, Andrew. Give him a chance.

I think

it's a good feeling.

Why can't your fucking brain knock around any more than you need to if you can go and do the gig that that we do that's right we're not working yeah just don't do movies oh yeah i'm not even wearing pants right now i'm fucking i'm at work it's crazy you know when i first saw travis kelsey i thought he looked like wayne girl from pete and then like and i just thought i was goofy guy and the next thing you he dated Taylor Swift. I'm like, am I the only one who thought he looked like the guy who was going to, you know.
Was he the guy who they ended up, they got to kill him because he's got a big mouth? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Wayne Grove, Heat. Oh, Wayne, dude, did you ever see Mulaney's show where they had Wayne Grove come out and do stand-up? Isn't this just Travis Kelsey? Is it just me? I'm tell you right now, if Travis Kelsey does the work that Kevin Gage did, I guess that's his name.
I would fucking be excited about that. Dude, go to John Mulaney's talk show.
They brought Wayne Grove out to do stand-up as Wayne Grove, and Bill Hader was on the couch and they were cackle laughing dude he came out and did came out in the wayne grow robe that he got killed in by de niro and he did stand up it was so did they write his stand-up it was dude it was it was wayne grow as if he would do stand-up and i was crying laughing he just came out in the robe in in that attitude. It was really funny.
I'll send it to you. That's amazing.
Alright, so here we go. Bill's got the Eagles.
I got the Chiefs. Jake's got the Chiefs.
And I didn't do MVP. What about me? Yeah, what's your MVP? Fucking Saquon Barkley.
Oh, yeah. Saquon Barkley is gonna be a nightmare.
Anything I hope. I'm going to say.
Taquan Parkley is going to fucking, he's going to be a nightmare. Anything, anything I hope.
I hope by this second quarter, Taylor Swift's going, oh, my God. You know, she does that when she looks in the upper deck and see some 12-year-old waving a fucking Taylor Swift doll at her.
It's amazing, Paul. This is where football is right now.
The level of shock. I remember when I was a kid and I was watching the fucking Steelers and the Cowboys and fucking Billy Joel Dupree was tagging Cher and they would cut up to her.
Dude, did you see what the reporter said? Did you see what the reporter said to Travis Kelsey, the question they asked him at meeting today?

He goes, what do you love more, Taylor Swift or Phantom 15-yard pass

or rough in the pass or calls?

Did you see his microphone?

His microphone said sports on it.

Travis Kelsey goes, great question.

Anyone else?

All right. He did the same thing to Mahomes.
Mahomes just rolled with it. Yeah.
Mahomes is like, hey, wait, it fell off the truck. Oh.
Yeah. What I do like about Mahomes is he does have that, like, he just, the Eli Manning where, yeah, no, you're right.
You're right. That's what's happening.
Paul, I'm going to watch this game in Little Italy. Try to figure out which one of those wise guys set this up.
Get a cannoli and a coffee. Enjoy.
Hey, who's that fucking guy over there? He looks like a cop. All right, guys.
Well, listen. This is sad that this is the last one of the year.
We're going to be on a little break. break we're gonna be on a long hiatus here until kickoff of whatever so it's not gonna be a long hiatus because you'll have all the off seasons you just think about how i'm like how this is the most unbelievable greatest fucking team you've ever seen nobody has ever played the game the way that they do.

I mean, like Ray Lewis has got to be like just taking a knee right now,

taking in the magnitude of the greatness of this fucking.

I mean, I know Ray played the game at a certain level, but the way that these guys are playing is just, I mean, come on, Paul. You know what's sad? I got to be honest before we get out of here.
What's sad is this is kind of the... I'm just a girl in the world.
This is one of the worst. Remember that? When the guy was looking up at Gwen Stefani every five minutes? Brett Favre, was he dating her in the 90s? Was it her? It's all that they'll let me be.
What the fuck am I watching? Dude, it's the lack. This is a tough one, dude.
Can I be honest? This is a tough one. This is one of the least watched.
What me for me to see these two teams. I just like I'm literally going to be like, this is one where I'm going to go get food during a play like this.
I know Paul, you're still a fan of the NFL. You still believe in the NFL.
So you're the only glue holding this fucking show together. No, but look, dude, I think that I agree with what we're saying, but dude, I don't care about these teams right now, man.
You know, I wanted the Buffalo Bills, the Washington Commanders. I wanted some shit like that.
Well, talk Josh Allen to start dating somebody we know. Yo, I'm looking at a different not...
Oh my God. Somebody's got to start dating Dochi.
That's hilarious. Did you see her at the Grammys, dude? The level of talent that that person, she's unbelievable.
Un-fucking-believe. I didn't see.
Oh, my God. And they're still going to give the Grammy to Taylor Swift.
It's happening. Dude, this transcends football.
I'm kidding. I don't know if she won it or not.
She was off sides during her fucking routine. I was just going to say looking at some non-sanction prop bets from uh for taylor swift and jake's not kidding there's some crazy stuff out here uh will she be shown during america the beautiful will be she be mentioned on stage during the halftime show by any performer hey paul you remember in 1986 when the giants won their one and that prop bet about Madonna? Do you remember if you could bet whether or not Madonna because she was banging fucking what was your tight end's name? I fucking love that guy.
Mark Bavaro. Yeah, Mark Bavaro.
Wasn't that? She was banging Jeff. I'm just doing this, Paul, to show you how fucking far away this game has gotten from fucking football.
Will Travis Kelsey do hard hands during a Super Bowl? These are football bets, Paul. These are football bets.
Unbelievable. Paul, I'm going to say it again.
These are not BetMGM football bets. They're too good for this.
Yeah, these are not BetMGM. We just want to say BetMGM would not do this.
They do not have it on theirs. No, no, no, no.
They're an official sport. This is non-sanctioned bullshit, but BetMGM is above this.
The Anything Better show is above. Will Travis Kelsey...
Why are they scared of, Paul? Why are they intimidated that a woman is going to a football game?

Will Travis Kelsey point at the booth and wink?

Plus 2,000.

Does Taylor Swift have his signature dance move that she does?

Will he do that after he?

No, all Taylor Swift does is go.

Will he do the Taylor Whaley, Taylor Hayler?

No, this is Taylor Swift after every play with a short. It's like, yeah, it was a 12-yard pass.
You know what I love about her? She's never aware that she's on the camera, so you get that real natural reaction. All right, guys.
We will – Hey, Paul, just be be happy i think you're going to see your first ai football championship what the nfl wants they don't have to pay the players anymore you just buy the robots once i'll say this i could see the eagles winning this game I have a weird feeling they're going to, but I just can't go against the machine. I don't like when you hedge your bets.
No, I know. I've always met you.
The undefeated paper face going against the Giants. You're like, you know, the Giants could surprise some people, and then they won.
You're like, what'd I say? What'd I say? Probably both sides. He's got a leg on either side of the fence.
Fucking kicking goddamn team. I'm saying the Eagles.
Saquon Barkley's the fucking MVP. I'm taking the Chiefs.
Over-unders, 48 and a half. In case you want to comment on that.
No. Does Taylor Swift have a bowl of organic lemons already cut in case the Chiefs don't win? And she can quickly go like this and act like she cares about football.
You know what? I bet you there's instructions to not put the camera on her if the Chiefs lose or are losing, which is ridiculous. Paul, how do you think she's been treating Travis Kelsey this week? And will that affect his performance on the field? I think she's a very supportive girlfriend.
I think she's a very strong representation of how a woman should sit in a crowd, even though she could sell out the fucking stadium. I will say this.

I don't like how she's the only one that stands at the Grammys when everybody's sitting watching.

And then there's a performance at the Grammys and she's the only one standing dancing.

It's very self-serving and narcissistic.

And I don't like it.

And I like her.

Paul, Paul.

And I defend her.

She's just being supportive.

Yeah, she's supporting her friends.

Why are you threatened by her standing? I like her. She's just being supportive.
Yeah, she's supporting her friends. Why are you threatened by her standing?

I like her, dude.

I like seeing her on the thing.

I think she's, I don't mind it.

She's a nice kid.

All right.

Listen, Paul, as the world turns,

these are the days of our lives.

Wasn't that, I was going to say, that was a soap opera, right? It's a soap opera, Paul. It's a very successful show.
That's a perfect way to end. That's a perfect way to end.
Hey, listen, Paul. We had a great run.
The NFL had a great run. The NBA had a great run.
It's over. They're gambling casinos now.
And there's a lot of channels out there. I mean, you could, like, not watch the Super Bowl and just watch people fucking wiping out on motorcycles for the whole time and forget the games on.
That's what they're competing with. So they're changing their brand.
They're doing a great job. They're incorporating all these other things in there.
They're going to support the troops with the flyover as they charge whatever branch of military a whole bunch of money to fly their jet over there as we pay for the fuel. It is what it is, Paul.
It's the oligarch bowl. That's what he paid.
You know what you should do? Go on YouTube and watch a Super Bowl pre-1976 on YouTube. They have some complete games.

The game is playing during the day,

and the halftime show is like the college band.

Yeah, like when they played in Tulane Stadium.

They had like the Tulane marching band.

Yeah, dude, that last year.

That's all it was. That's what it should be.
That's what it should be. It's so not the game anymore, Paul.
I don't know. It has just lost its fucking way.
It's like when U2, when he was wearing the big glasses going, this is the most surreal night of my life,

and they decided we have to become the – it just wasn't –

it became something else.

That's where we are.

That's where we are right now.

You know where Brian Adams put the makeup on?

All right, guys, there you go.

We got to get out of here.

Thank you guys so much for watching the show this year. We hope you enjoy the Super Bowl.
We'll be back with updates on stuff with the show. There you go.
Hey, shout out to all of our fans who watched this year who were smart enough to bet against me and bet with these other three guys who absolutely killed them. Paul, I am right at this point.
They'd trade me off this show for a co-host to be named later. And cash.
I love the cat and cash. 204060, get the fuck out of here.
The Knicks just made a trade, and it was like for this guy and cash. But all right, everybody, enjoy the Super Bowl.
We'll see you guys soon. Take care.
Bet responsibly.

Download the app.

Use the code Burr.

Enjoy the game and go Chiefs.

I don't know.

Take my Barkley.

You'll be running wild on Sunday,

I hope.

All right.

All right, guys.

Take care.