Children's Theater, Luka, Women's Cricket | Monday Morning Podcast 2-4-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Byrne. It's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, February 3rd, 2025.
What's going on? How are ya? How's it going? Sorry the podcast is late. No, you know what? I'm not sorry.
I am done apologizing for living my life. You know who says that?

Some of you doesn't really have major problems in their life, but they think they are. They think they're big problems, and then they post them on Instagram, and then everybody trashes them.
And then they're like, see, the world is so cruel. It's like, no, your fucking problems in your cul-de-sac are not that big a deal.
You know, they can be, though. I'm not saying if you live in a cul-de-sac that it's, you know, some fucked up shit can't happen.
You know, there's always an uncle lurking around. You know, I'm done apologizing.
That's usually said by someone who needs to apologize. Oh, my God.
What is this fucking... A pray-tude.
Is this Viagra for gay guys? I'm watching this commercial with the sound down. It's just like one dude after another with his shirt open, talking way too closely to an, ah, there you go.
And the fucking, the guy kiss on fucking regular TV. Do you know what that would have done to this country when I was growing up? Jesus Christ.
I mean, it was a big deal when Billy Crystal played a gay guy on soap. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.
Da, da, da, da. And they never had him.
He didn't have to kiss anybody. As far as I remember.
Anyway. I don't know what was going on in that commercial.
I tell you, you watch TV with the sound down. All of a sudden, the whole thing fucking changes.
Anyway, plowing ahead here. Yeah, anybody who says that, you know, I'm done apologizing.
OK, it's like it's like does that have that does that happen to you a lot? Are people expecting an apology a lot? Maybe it's because you're a douche. You ever think of that? I'm not.
Oh, you know, you could be around some toxic people that are always turning it around on you. But also, you know, just to be fair, just to play devil's advocate here, you could also be a douche.
There could be a reason why people are always asking you to apologize. I'm fucking done with it.
I'm not fucking, I'm not fucking. This is who I am.
Well, you were the treasurer of our company. There's no money left.
I'm done done with it I'm not fucking I'm not fucking this is who I am well you were the treasurer of our company there's no money left I'm done apologizing this is how I live my life I like designer fucking bags whatever sell some more stuff next week fucking done apologizing I'm gonna start doing that anytime I'm gonna get out of a conversation I'm just gonnaizing. I'm going to start doing that.
Anytime I want to get out of a conversation, I'm just going to use that expression. You know what? I'm done apologizing.
Hey, so you're here in New York. You got an acting gig? You know what? You know? Wait, how would they say it? How are you liking it? How are you liking it so far? You know what? I'm done apologizing.
And then you just walk away and then they're just like, what the fuck was that? What did that even mean? And then that moment when they're trying to do the math on what the fuck you just said to them, which made no goddamn sense, you get to leave. You know? Which I feel is one of, is most of your adult life is leaving.
You know what I mean? Just trying to get out of something that you don't, like, how the fuck did I end up here in this fucking rat race? How do I get out of this conversation with this person? If I can give young people any advice, you really have to develop your wrap it up skills.

OK, as you start doing shit in life and more and more people are talking to you, you have less time to just sit on a couch and stare at a fucking wall, you know.

And to try, you know, which is basically that's like, you know, when you're charging your cell phone, I feel like when you're sitting by yourself staring at a wall, you know, your battery power starts to come back.

And maybe you like want to see another person.

You know, whereas if all you're doing is seeing people, then like, you know, your battery life goes down and you're like, I just got to get the fuck away, you know, from all of these people. I'm watching this fucking movie from the year 2000.
The year 2000. In the year 2000.
I'm not going to say what the movie is, because I really like the actors in it, but, like, the fucking lead actor, he has a daughter that looks to be about eight years old and the woman that's playing the mother of her clearly has never had a baby in her life the way her body is and she's walking around in high heels and a fucking bath robe going in and out of the kitchen you know that's what's funny about women is they fucking look at that.

How am I supposed to compete with that?

It's like you can't like you can't compete with that.

It's a fucking movie.

I used to do a bit about that.

You know, these images they put out there are fucking women.

How am I supposed to compete with that?

You're not competing with it on any level, you arrogant ass.

That's a fucking supermodel. You're not competing with it on any level, you arrogant ass.
That's a fucking supermodel.

You're not even on the

same planet as that woman.

You ever see like fucking

models, like supermodels?

When they stand next to regular people,

they look like praying mantises.

I mean, granted, fuckable

praying mantises, but praying mantises

nonetheless, right?

They're a completely different species of genetics. That's why they're so tall.
They're supposed to be looking down on you. You know? They're better than you.
I mean, I never saw a movie where Brad Pitt took his shirt off. And I never thought, like, how am I supposed to compete? I can't fucking compete with that.
I knew I couldn't compete with that. I never thought that.
It made me want to go to the gym. I'm not going to lie to you.
I got to do something with this freckled torso. But in no fucking way, shape or form did I feel like he was the standard.
You know i was that i was fucking competing that guy was he was he was he was over the hill he's he's the one with those fucking praying mantis chicks all right i'm gonna buffalo wild wings talking to a divorced waitress That's where I am in society.

Anyway.

Anyways. talking to a divorced waitress.
That's where I am in society. Anyway, speaking of which, I am in New York City.
And today was the first day at Glengarry Glen Ross. I met the cast.
I met everybody there. We did a table read.
And it was so much fun um unbelievably exciting and uh of course all the actors are amazing and uh they're already bringing all of this stuff just doing like a cold read sitting down with it it's gonna be fucking it's gonna be fun man so um this is gonna be my life for a little while. I'm just going to take it one day at a time.

Done apologizing to people.

No, I'm just going to.

I love how like that's like considered like you've reached this level of maturity where you're I'm done apologizing.

So you're never going to be wrong again. You know, you're never going to fucking admit to it.
You know what I mean? I've always just felt like I've had to apologize for being me. That's what you think? That's how you're doing this? Shut up.
Nobody has to apologize for being themselves. You know? Unless you're trans, right? Like when they transition, everybody seems to have a fucking problem with that for whatever reason like why would you have a problem with that what the fuck is wrong with you what the fuck are you paying it oh my god this person i don't even know made this choice because it made them feel better about themselves and now I have a fucking issue with it.

Anyways, I'm done apologizing.

So, oh my God, look at the doll. Now I see the face because all they showed was her legs.
Now I'm seeing

like the star. Look at her.
She's fucking

ridiculous and there's no way that's her daughter.

I hate when they do that.

I hate when they take two fucking actors

and then they cast somebody. They give them a kid that looks nothing like him.
I gotta get some water. This dry-ass fucking apartment.
These fucking New York apartments. The heat's either on or it's off.
You know, this fucking apartment. I'm either cold or I feel like a rotisserie chicken, you know, and not a good one either.
One that's dried, like the place is about to close and you're drunk and you go and you get a two piece with some sides. Oh my God, I got to the funniest fucking debate with my wife when she was telling me how this, um, this guy, the guy who invented macaroni and cheese was a black man, right? And I just fucking bursted out laughing.
I go, mac and cheese, that's what you're telling me? He put cheese on pasta? Have you been to Italy? I think that's what they do.'s all they do there right she goes no he like baked it and put it like in the oven and all that stuff and i just started fucking laughing and then she just got like pissed at me like legit got pissed at me because she thought like you know because she's a woman you know so she gets overly sensitive when somebody fucking laughs. You know what I mean? As opposed to like a guy, somebody starts laughing.
You laugh and you go, what? What'd I say? Oh, was that stupid? All right. You know? And she was just giving me, I'm not saying the guy didn't do it, but like you're bragging about a fucking appetizer.

Now, here's the thing.

I'm not saying mac and cheese isn't a big deal.

I was just being a dick.

You know, you ever do that?

You ever just be a dick just to be a dick and you're in the middle of it and you see the other person's

getting mad and in your head you're going,

why am I doing this?

Stop.

You should stop right now and say, I'm done apologizing right and you just don't and you just keep doing it and it has nothing to do with the person it has to do with some bullshit that happened to you back in the 70s or 80s that you're just not going to take your foot off the fucking gas and you're just going to have an argument with the woman that you love over macaroni and cheese. I so kept going with it.
Like, I couldn't stop. I just had to keep going until she started laughing.
Because I wasn't being mean. I was just laughing my ass off.

And, uh... Forgive us.
I was just talking.

Oh, yeah, who invented edamame?

I just kept doing that.

And this is where, like...

I know when my wife is mad at me.

She gets this look on her face, okay?

And there's this critical moment there

that either I apologize

or I'm not going to be a good guy. Like, I know when my wife is mad at me, she gets this look on her face, okay?

And there's this critical moment there that either I apologize or I'm just going to see this thing through.

So I decided to see it through.

Now, this can go one of two ways.

It can just end up in the inevitable apology.

Or there's this magical moment where she starts shaking her head, like shaking her head no. And when she she shakes her head no then i know she's starting to find it funny and and what i need to do is keep going and yet any mathletes listen to no of course not but remember in math where two negatives make a positive well with your wife it's more like 47 you just have to keep fucking you just have you just have to keep going and i i built this whole fucking thing with george washington it was like one of his slaves and he sent him over to france learn how to cook, and he comes back with an appetizer.

So I had him, like, all fucking pissed off that that's all he came back.

No beef bourguing, yo, none of this shit.

He just came back with this.

You know, how long does it take for the fucking boat to get over there?

How long was he that?

This is the fucking 1700s, right? I mean, all mean all right what you learned i got you some mac and cheese well what the fuck do you know how about you didn't learn how to make an entree um anyway and then also you just sit there looking at the kind of money that the founding fathers have it's so goddamn funny these fucking guys it's like they use regular people to kick the english out right and then all of these fucking cunts moved into their big houses and what happened it's just they're still there right well george washington fought he sort of fought in the war i don't know did he is there any record of that i mean somebody painted something of him but what was to stop you it's not like back in the day, like you could like look it up. I fought in the Revolutionary War.
Oh yeah. What branch? What about branch? I was in the fucking woods shooting at people.
You were in there doing that. Sweareth to Godeth.
Like how do I know you were doing that? I don't know. There's a lot to unpack there that I don't have the background for.
I'm not going to lie to you. Anyway, yeah, so I'm in New York City, and we did the first day.
It was a great day, which I'm really relieved about, because I'm not going to lie to you. I had like, you know, I had no idea to do it.
I've never done a play. I never did a play.
I think when I was in the third grade or fifth grade, we did the Music Man. 76, trombones led the big parade, right? And oh, my God.
God. I just remembered there was this fucking man-child in my grade.
And, you know, it's, oh, the Wells Fargo wagon is a- coming, right? And, like, in the movie, it was either a train or it was a team of horses. So, instead of, like, you know, weren't going to bring horses in there and they weren't going to make a train.
So instead they had this man-child kid pulling the wagon in with like fucking three fifth graders in the back. And, you know, this guy, this man-child kid, he was a little excitable, if you know what I mean, right? So he came in pulling it in and he was dressed like, you know, he had on this this conductor's outfit and he was pulling the fucking thing in.

And all the parents stood up and applauded.

And I just remember he was the fucking man child kid was pulling the thing in and he was just going.

Like yelling like he scored a touchdown.

It's just one of those kids in fifth grade.

He was like as big as the janitor.

You know what I mean?

He wasn't even like as big as a teacher.

He had like the body of a janitor.

He had like a fucking, he had like that gut, you know,

and the pants hanging down like he had keys on his belt or something. And he was like in fifth grade, you know, it was amazing.
I don't know. It was weird.
I don't know. He turned out all right.
I've run into him. He's totally fucking normal, but he was at that age where he was in an awkward age.
You didn't know if he was going to be, you know, functioning in society, but you know, he did, but whatever. I think he just got excited and he was like yelling.
And I just remember thinking like, what the fuck is wrong with that kid? You know, anyways, I had a. I had a.
This chick in this movie is so fucking ridiculously hot. She wouldn't be involved in this situation.
Look at him trying to make her not good looking. Smoke show.
Fucking smoke show. Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh, yeah.
So the only other play I did, so it was The Music Man. And no, I tried out for that and they said no.
Yeah, they said no. I wasn't even in that.
I'm thinking of just a Christmas thing that we did. And they went to see if I could sing.
And they're like, yeah, no. And they just put me in the chorus.
You know? With all the fucking latchkey kids and the fatherless children and shit. I was just in the back.
So I've never done any of this stuff. So anyway, getting back to that, I was like nervous about, you know, like what was going to happen.
And I went in and it was just, it was a fucking great time. And it was fun.
We read the play and we kind of talked about it afterwards, and everybody was talking about the play and all of this stuff, and I'm like, that was weird. I was like, oh, my God, do I? I think I kind of love acting.
This is like, I mean, I could always sit around and fucking bullshit talking comedy and drums and stuff, but, like, I was really enjoying listening to the other actors, like, their input and stuff. So I think this is going to be a good time.
And my Bruins are coming to town on Wednesday. They're playing the New York Rangers, a little original six action.
If I can get out of rehearsal in time, I might go down the street and check that out and then come back to my corporate apartment and cry myself to sleep. Now, I get back, you know, my daughter reads to me at night.
She reads the left page and I read the right page. So I went out and I bought all the books that she's currently reading.
So we FaceTime and we still do the same thing. And then I just act like a goofball with my son.
And he laughs. Like, we play this game.
All right, what do you like better? You know, it'd be like waffles or French toast. And then they pick something.
French toast or whatever. But nobody's allowed to say that they like Pepsi.
I fucking hate Pepsi. I think it's an insult to the cola world.
And I think the people that drink it are soft. If you're a woman and you like Pepsi, I get it.
You got the motherly instincts and whatever. But when I meet a man that drinks Pepsi, there's just something about him.
I don't feel like I can trust him. But anyway.
The fuck was the point of that? Oh yeah, so we just play the game. And then what my son loves to do at one point, I'll just be like, alright, what do you like better? Waffles or ACDC? And then I'll just go, Pepsi.
And then I act like I'm really upset and bring my face all the way up to the phone. I'm like, ooh, do all that.
And he just dies laughing. So, that's the way I connect with them.
they're gonna be here um you know one week a month so i think uh we'll be all right i hope um anyway that's the only part about this thing that stinks so i actually brought one of my guitars to new york um because i can't play drums when I'm out here. So I'm just, I need some sort of musical outlet.
I got to have at some point my guitar center dad moment. You know, I learned how to play crazy train or whatever.
Just something, something. So I don't lose my fucking mind.
Which is kind of funny because this is like, the way I'm living right It's how I was this way before I met my wife. I was sort of like, you know, I was living alone.
I had fucking nothing going on. I fucked up a relationship.
And I remember Thanksgiving came and went and I had nowhere to go and nowhere to be. And there was this weird thing where I, as sad as that was, it was kind of cool where I was just like, all right, well, you know what? I'm not, you know, going to be disappointing anybody.
Um, I'm just going to be fucking, you know, I just watched football and I fucking was drinking. I hung out my apartment apartment.
I think it was this apartment. Was it this apartment? I can't remember.
I was fucking hanging out in this apartment and I was just drinking, watching football and just sort of laughing. But also it wasn't funny.
I was like, it's kind of weird. Like, I'm getting pretty late in the game here and this second part of my life is really not coming together um anyway uh yeah i don't know what jesus christ i thought what fucking freaked me out was that helicopter hitting that plane down in dc my god i keep seeing those victims faces showing up on uh Instagram, my God, it's just fucking horrible.
I have no idea, no idea how that could possibly fucking happen. You know, it's funny when you fly, when you're on with the tower, you know, there's an element that you feel safe because, all right, this guy's watching me and he's watching everything around me.
And, you know, if there's a problem. They say your tail number and then they'll be like, turn to seven now.
Like if I was you, I would turn to seven now. That means you're going to fucking hit somebody.
and that was what weird to me is like that call he told the guy to pass behind him i only watched it once and like you know i'm thinking the pilot's landing they got him on in the they got the helicopter on their screen and once they hear pass behind and then the guy confirms that that's what he's going to do now you're locked in on your approach you got all these people you know their lives in your hands you know 60 something people you're locked in on that i just i i don't know what that was it was complacency if they had cut through that i mean anytime you're crossing the center line in a transition through airspace even if they say you're clear like you got like head is on a fucking swivel um you're looking at your screen you're doing every everything you can you know to double check it was nighttime. You know what? I remember a long time ago they had a plane crash there because of icing on the wing, which changes that critical shape of the wing, you know, where you're not getting that low pressure and high pressure underneath.
You don't have it. It equalizes it.
And then you're fucked and you don't have lift. And now you're just in this fucking zillion ton garbage can.
So the fucking thing went into the water and there was somehow some survivors and it was freezing fucking cold. And I remember, uh, there was some guy in the water.
He just kept passing the, the helicopter was pulling people out and this guy just kept passing it to other people instead of himself. And he ended up like not making it.
I remember that. And that's when like being on, you know, Time Magazine's Man of the Year.
That was like a big deal to be Man of the Year on the cover of Time Magazine.

I remember somebody saying, hey, you know, the end of the year when you're going to vote for that,

don't forget the man in the water.

That's what they called him, the man in the water.

And of course they did, you know.

Too much time, too many months had gone by, so then they picked somebody else. I remember as a kid they picked the Ayatollah Khomeini one year as Man of the Year.

People were like, dude, what the the fuck you're like flipping out um and you kind of be like didn't they kind of do that on purpose just to get you to flip out and buy the magazine and fucking write in and bitch moan and complain and all that i don't know i'm babbling it's the end of the day my brain's a little fried here So let me get into the ad reads here. Oh, geez.
Oh, no, wait. I didn't even talk about...
How about the Lakers picking up that fucking dude from the Dallas Mavericks? Like, I don't get that trade at all. And I also don't understand why every star eventually has to play for the Lakers.
It's this un-fucking-written rule like oh my god they haven't won a championship in a couple of years fuck like remember david stern that guy oh my god that fucking guy that fucking guy was a gangster right and i remember they asked him one time what's your dream finals n know, and he goes, oh, he goes the Lakers versus the Lakers. Right there.
You're like, all right, OK, good to know. That's that's your money.
That's your money. So, you know, the paranoid part of me is I'm looking at that trade going like, you know, they just need the Lakers to be good.
They need to be when the Lakers are good. They just make more money.
That's just what it is. And what's fucking so sad about the New York Knicks is New York City is basketball.
So many legends came from there. And the Knicks were in a little bit of a dry spell.
And then the NBA fixed the lottery to make sure Patrick Ewing went there. I'm telling you, it's a fucking business.
So he gets there. And you got to look, when he got there, it was only two years into Jordan so Celtics Lakers was still going to go 85 86 87 and then the Lakers again in 88 when they went back to back and then it became Lakers Pistons Len Bias died Larry Bird's back gets hurt and then it's the bad boys for two years and then it's Jordan's decade

and the Besides Larry Bird's back gets hurt. And then it's the bad boys for two years.
And then it's Jordan's decade. And the Knicks just didn't fit into the storyline.
Like, I think that they were trying to reboot New York City and it never happened for them. And ever since then, because they've been able to make money, not only with the Lakers being good.
All of these other cities, Miami, Golden State, they can still fucking make money. They begrudgingly let San Antonio, you know, do what they did, but like they can still make their money off of them.
So I feel like New York City is not a fucking priority with the league, the collection of, like, the owners and stuff. Like, you know, they're involved in revenue sharing.
At the end of the day, you don't become a billionaire because you lose money. And I think they all just kind of go with it like all right

you know that let's make sure this city always has a good team you know even if our team sucks who gives a fuck with the revenue sharing and all of that crap you know we're still gonna make our money you know kind of like how the pirates owners do it i don't know it just seems like a fucking unbelievably lopsided trade

where they had a difference maker

who took them to the you know the final last year versus a guy who was playing with lebron and they didn't really get anything wait did they win one with him i can't remember maybe i. I don't know what happened.
That was just a fucking weird trade to me. I mean, listen, I don't know shit.
I'm a stand-up comedian who barely watches shit anymore, but I just feel like the Lakers really won in that. And I think the NBA is very happy because nobody gave a fuck about Anthony Davis and LeBron in L.A.
And I just think, feel like financially, that is just not good for them. It's not good for the league.
So congratulations to the NBA. You know, you got your sparkly stars in the right cities and you guys will make even more money.
There you go. You'll get bigger boats, you know, a better quality of cocaine, whatever the hell it is that you're into.
Been fighting off this fucking cold. It's one of those colds where I'm not congested unless I sit down.
The old sit down cold.

All right, let's get into the ad reads here. So congratulations to Lakers fans.
You know, no matter how hard those five years are between each championship, just know that all the best players will eventually be on your team. It's a destination city.
My condolences to Orlando, to Charlotte, Atlanta, all of these places that are just never going to see an NBA championship. And the fucking owners don't give a fuck.
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Now we're going to get into the reads. You know, I was going through the cable and Keith Hernandez has a show I forget the name of it but it's the fucking greatest name for the show the name of the show is called Hey It's Keith Hernandez how great is that it just shows you how beloved that guy is hey it's fucking Keith Hernandez hernandez i'll watch that shit i love that guy um i love when he talks about the fucking old days playing on those mets teams i know they should have won more than one but whatever they won one and they still had a fucking great time the stories that they got oh my god they have look at this look this.
They're showing all the guy movies. Mobathon three day event continues next.
On AMC.

Goodfellas, Casino, Blow, Donnie Brasco There was a couple other ones

Donnie Brasco and Blow

Both have Johnny Depp Donnie Brasco. There was a couple other ones.

Donnie Brasco and Blow both have Johnny Depp.

Scarface was another one that has... Scarface is in Donnie Brasco.

Scarface.

Al Pacino is in Donnie Brasco and Scarface.

And then Joe Pesci is in both...

Fucking... What's his face? Casino and Goodfellas.
AMC's doing it right. A three-day event.
Anyway, plowing ahead here. All right, women's cricket.
No, no, that's not what I'm supposed to do. Oh, cigars.
Oh, this person's getting on me. This person's getting on me.
Hey, Billy Oprah tits. That's just fucking mean.
Come on, guys. Come on.
Listening to last week's throwback and enjoyed hearing you say you were quitting. On Thursdays, we play these old episodes of, you know, previous episodes of fucking the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday, Monday podcast.
So someone was listening to one of these throwback episodes from years ago and enjoyed hearing you say you were quitting recreational cigars and only having one on special occasions. It was a great moment when I realized the parallels between you and Fatty, who have been talking about turning it around for half their life.
Ha ha. Anyways, thanks for the laugh.
That's a fucking great joke. and also I like that you enjoy that I've been failing doing that because you know what as much as you're making fun of me I know that that means fucked up shit happened to you that you think it's funny that I'm struggling with this um but what actually cured me of it is my daughter my daughter like she lets she lets me smoke like for two weeks.
And then she goes, you have to do another a hundred days. And I'm like, all right.
And then I do it. So now I'm on like another a hundred day thing.
I don't even know how many fucking days I'm into it. I just picked the day in some like mid January.
So I don't know the exact day. So I'm just going to go until like the beginning of May but that's good right I think that's not bad and then you know smoke a little bit and she goes dad I go alright and then I just stop again so I have solved it alright fuck you I'm not hopeless you know alright where is this Women's cricket.
I don't know. I like women's sports.
I actually do enjoy them, but not for the right reasons. You know? Unless they're good at the sport, like tennis.
They're good at tennis. They're good at volleyball.
And their basketball play is elevating. They're great at fighting.
My God, the fucking MMA is insane.

But, you know, at the end of the day, I'm still a guy, you know,

so I'm rooting for the prettier one.

Unless the prettier one has gone out of her way to be such a fucking douche that I got to root for the other one. I don't know.
It's weird. It's weird.
All right, women's cricket. Hi, old Billy Red, white, and blue balls.
I'm a 35-year-old male from New Zealand. All right.
I'm just going to cut straight to the chase here. Lately, I've been watching international cricket with my old man.

I fucking, listen, man.

That's like baseball.

It's a fucking great game if you just have time to sit around

watching people whack a ball with a stick.

You know, if you got the time in the afternoon,

I mean, I don't have any problem with it.

So the person says, I'm watching with my old man,

and I figured, hell, it's been a since we we've been to a game together. Let's go to one sometime.
So I went to Google some tickets and get this. You don't just watch the men play.
You have to sit through the fucking broads playing first. Yeah, they're trying to get it going.
They're trying to get this shit going. You know? And women will not show up to support other women.
So, like, as always, as always, they're going to pawn it off on us. Now we've got to sit and fucking watch it.
You know? And then what? Can you yell like a sports fan? You fucking dumb broad.'d you do that for you can't do that stop being sexist um anyways and as you probably are probably aware women's sports just don't hold a candle to men's no i wouldn't know some of them yeah looks we know the ones that don't but like, like, women's tennis is amazing. And the MMA has been fucking great, you know? And I think eventually, you know, it's going to get to a level that guys will be able to watch it.
But women, I don't know what their deal is. They're just fucking obsessed with guys and whatever the fuck it is that we're doing.
They have no fucking interest in watching women do shit. Unless, I did a bit on it.
Unless, like, Real Housewives, they'll watch them fucking argue with each other. It's fucking insane.
I don't know what. But, you know, I'm glad that's not my issue i told you i can't i you know i babble on this thing so i can't remember what is in my specials and what isn't was this in my special did i ever tell you that time this is how much guys root for each other did i ever tell you about the time i was at the White Castle in Las Vegas? And, you know, you can order those little ham cheeseburger things.
And some, these two guys had like a fucking briefcase full of them. They ordered like the 30 pack.
And they get it. And there's like 10 people in line.
And as they're walking out, the guy in front of me me I'm towards the back of the line the guy in front of me he goes dude he goes are all those just for you too and the guy goes yeah and the dude just goes that's fucking awesome and he high-fived him complete fucking stranger because he bought a 30 he bought a fucking 30 pack of White Castle sorry I mean that's support ladies that's where the bar is you gotta do that next time you see fucking I don't know I just think that like because they they're uh they're like super smart and shit and they're they're always playing like these these fucking mind games and stuff i don't know that they trust each other i could be completely wrong i probably am i have no idea anyway so he goes so you gotta sit through the fucking broads playing first continues he said as you're probably aware, women's sports just don't hold a candle to men's, especially professionally. When I told my old man about the women's teams, he kind of rolled his eyes.
And to say the least, we were both disappointed. I said to him, hell, if I want to watch a game where the boundary is shorter and the people ain't as good,

I'll just go watch some local team at the local cricket pitch for free.

God damn it, Bill.

My old man survived a heart attack a few years ago.

He ain't got time to watch that shit.

Would love to get your thoughts on all this.

Cheers.

And your podcast gets me through the night shifts at work

has been for years uh i would show up to the game later show up to the game later but like um by you showing up on time and sitting through it and watching it you're just signing up for more so if you really feel that strongly that you don't want to watch this shit,

then what I would do is I would show up later.

Or if you're there, I wouldn't pay attention to it.

Or maybe start a fucking, maybe start a chant.

Boring.

Oh my God, casino's on now.

I got it on mute. You know, they do that.
The sound of the traffic going by and they have the. The credits.
Oh, my God. Robert De Niro suits in this fucking movie.
Oh, I'm sorry, though. This is the beginning of Goodfellas.
Sorry, I get him confused. But anyway, let's keep talking about.
Let's keep talking about fucking casino. Robert De Niro suits in casino.
And that Cadillac that he has, that fucking early 80s El Dorado. I mean, it just doesn't get any better than that.
You know, if I had a tailor, I would be like, there's that blue one that he made, the blue and gray suit that he has. I think he has it on when that cowboy comes in and tells him to talk to his stupid uncle.
His stupid nephew. He's trying to get him to fucking you know, use him more at the thing or whatever.
Whatever that fucking suit is. It's just, it's incredible.
They're fucking incredible suits. Oh, my God, here you go.
Stabbing up Billy Bats right in the beginning. Shoot, I'm up.
Ever since I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster. Even edited, this is just a fucking masterpiece.
Oh, speaking of which, when I was on the flight out here, I watched Beverly Hills Cop with which I have not seen in decades I haven't seen that movie in forever and I watched that movie that is a perfect movie for what it's doing making you laugh the way it tells the story the way it moves the performances there's not one lull in that movie and it holds up and i also love like the year year came out i think was 84 i think and just how awful american cars were if you just look at like the car that um taggart and rosewood are sitting in I think it's a Mercury Zephyr.

And what was the, I forget what the Ford version. Taggart and Rosewood are sitting in.
I think it's a Mercury Zephyr.

And what was the, I forget what the Ford version of it was, but oh my God, it was like Band-Aid color with tan seats.

I mean, it just literally looked like you could put your foot

right through the fucking door.

And I always wondered like, you know,

if that was an actual unmarked police car,

like what option was there for a cop engine in the 80s back then? All right. So here we go.
Let's read this next one. Oh, look at that guy.
He's smoking a fucking cigar. Japan Motorcycle Advice.
Konnichiwa Bursanan greetings from the big tuna here's my humble advice the annual tokyo motorcycle show is held at tokyo big site every year at the end of march of course i'll be working you'll get a mix of old and new it's an awesome show and the timing couldn't be better as it coincides with the cherry blossom season. Also something to behold.
All right, maybe I'll do it next year. There's the three big museums to check out, too.
They are off the beaten path, but you don't want to stay in Tokyo too long. It's a bit of a shit show of tourists since the Yen tanked.
Oh, that's unfortunate. The Honda Museum is in Motoki, M-O-T-O-K-I.
Just forgive me, I'm going to mispronounce these. Tochigi, T-O-C-H-I-G-I, which puts you near Niko, N-I-K-K-O, the resting place of Tokugawa.

These have fucking great names, by the way.

Do you guys have Wheel of Fortune over there?

There's no way you can buy a vowel.

This is like Italian.

Tokugawa has one O, one U, and two A's.

It's every other consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel.

Motoki.

Consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel, consonant, vowel.

It's like fucking...

All right, anyway.

I won't bore you with the details, but the temple there is a must.

The Motoki racetrack is there too. Suzuki and Yamaha museums are in Shizuoka.
S-H-I-Z-U-O-K-A. An hour away from Tokyo.
There you go, sir. I'm sure you'll be getting more advice.
Please do a show while you come here.

Yes and yes.

I'm fucking gonna save that.

I'm gonna save this and put this in my shit to do

when you go to Tokyo or go to Japan.

That's fucking amazing.

Oh my God.

I would lose my mind if I got to see that. All right, Italian Motorcycle Museum.
Holy shit. Hey, Billy, four-stroke.
I'm glad to hear you'll be visiting Italy this summer. The way I looked at it, every once in a while, everybody had to take a beating.
You remember that? When they freeze on the dead with the fucking belt? I love the mom hanging on his arm trying to get him to stop. Anyway, I'm glad to hear you'll be visiting Italy this summer.
My wife is from northern Italy in the Piedmont region and we love the gifts Italy has to offer. As a fellow motorcycle fanatic, I recently checked out the Moto Guzzi factory and museum near Lake Como.
It's an absolute must-see. Moto Guzzi is a franchising brand, kind of like an Italian Harley.
They build big, lopey V-twin engines, but with a twist. The motor is mounted transversely, with the cylinder head sticking out to the left and the right like old b older bmw's i don't get that how does that not like heat up your leg or burn your leg um i mean i would not want to fucking i mean i wouldn't want to wipe out on anything but with that thing sticking out jesus christ i'd have to see what the bike looks like i'm sure they they do something about that uh this unique design lets them run a shaft drive instead of a chain or a belt uh the moto guzi museum is steeped in vintage racing history and features a world-class display of bikes that any two-wheeled enthusiast would appreciate on top of that it's hard to imagine a more scenic location for a modern factory beyond the incredible food and espresso you'll love the bike scene in italy the alpine mountain passes are packed with sleek european sport and touring bikes while the coaster areas are a haven for classic two-stroke vespas and compact naked motorcycles.
I'm going to rent a Vespa when I'm over there. Take my wife around.
If you find yourself down south, I think you dig the city of Matera. It's the third oldest city in the world and looks like nowhere else on earth.
Looking forward to hearing all about your Italian adventure on the podcast. Keep the rubber side down and go fuck yourself hey you know i saw this thing the other day showing this motorcycle that couldn't tip over you just couldn't tip it over and the person was completely in case so it's to me that's not a fucking motorcycle it's like you were in like a look like you were in like a lipstick tube is what it looks like and how it somehow stays up is um they got two like spinning wheels gyroscopic procession i you know all of that stuff like i learned when i got my, as far as like, you know, how you're able to like lean the way you are and as long as the wheels are turning or whatever, how you don't fall down.
And all of that stuff. Somehow it has to do with that.
I still don't understand the physics of it. One spins one way, other spins the other now i do know with helicopters

when you have a twin blade system one turns clockwise the other turns counterclockwise

and that cancels out the need for a tail rotor because it's you know both of them offset

the direction that they want to turn the helicopter

so somehow using that on a motorcycle like you can't tip over like people like kicking the

Thank you. the direction that they want to turn the helicopter.
So somehow using that on a motorcycle, like you can't tip over, like people were like kicking the fucking thing and it doesn't tip over. I'm still sure, you know, if you get T-boned by a truck, you're fucking dead.
I have no idea. I don't know.
It was fascinating. And then people were like, well, how much does something like this cost? And I saw quotes anywhere from 80 grand to 100 grand.
But, like, one of the great things about riding a motorcycle is, you know, it's, you're not, like, this thing was like all, you had metal all around you. You were enclosed.
like you were in like this thing was like all you had metal all around you you were enclosed um like you were like an f-16 like cockpit and it's just the front part not the wings or anything you know and it didn't look as cool you know um you don't smell any smells you don't feel you wouldn't feel the temperature difference or anything like that or the wind or anything like everything that that makes it like exciting or alive to be on one of those things. So it's kind of interesting.
So I imagine that technology will eventually lead to maybe regular motorcycles. I have no idea, but I do know this.
That will cut down on a ton of fucking videos that I watch. If nobody's just wiping out on motorcycles anymore.
I mean, so much of my fucking Instagram viewing is just watching these people. Not like, you know, watching crashes.
I don't want to see that shit. Well, look, somebody's driving like a fucking lunatic and they crash.
I don't learn anything from that because I don't ride like that. But if somebody's just going around turn and they fucking you know you know you don't look your way to the turn you just start looking at something you drive right towards it we've all done that um like i learned from watching those things my thing right now is i want to take one of those courses where you see like those cops and they got the big fucking baggers and they can ride them like fucking a quarter mile an hour and do like these tight turns and i'm like i i really feel like i would like i would want to know how to do that so you could really truly master the bike a big bike like that and the scariness of how fucking heavy that thing is and how scary it is when you're going slow that if you fucking tip past a certain point there's nothing you can do and it's going down so anyway that is the podcast um i am out here in new york and i could not be more thrilled to be a part of glengarry glen ross that's going to be coming out next month um i've never done broadway i cannot believe it um i'm trying not to think about it you know so i don't get freaked out and i'm just really trying to go like like one day at a time you know what i mean like all right if i if i look at this whole fucking run i'm gonna be in the fetal position going, what the fuck did I do?

But if I just kind of, all right, tomorrow we just do some rehearsing and, you know,

we'll fucking, I'll get through this.

And with that, who are you guys thinking in the Super Bowl?

Will the Cavs and Sonny Chase play people?

I feel like the Eagles have the, they have the team to beat them. I also wonder how much they're going to have to be up by to actually win the game, though.
But I don't want to get into that. I said I wasn't going to get into that.
So we'll just fucking leave it at that. All right, that's it.

That's it for fucking Billy Redface.

Thank you guys for listening.

Go fuck yourselves.