Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-16-25

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in,

Speaker 1 checking in on you. Woo.

Speaker 1 Oh my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, Billy fucking running his yap.

Speaker 1 I'm press boy this week. promoting my stand-up special that's coming out on Hulu, March 14th.

Speaker 1 I did Jimmy Kimmel last night. I had a great time doing that.
Got to do it with Jessica Gunning from

Speaker 1 Baby Reindeer.

Speaker 1 And then there was this killer band, Neil. I'm spacing on his name, but they had like that Elton John vibe.
Killer drummer. Bass player was amazing, too.
And the guitar player, everybody was amazing.

Speaker 1 Jimmy Kimmel, of course, as always, lobbing it over the net, as every great talk show host does.

Speaker 1 I had a great time doing that. You know what's funny? Listen to this fucking shit.
Like, when you go out of there,

Speaker 1 when you leave

Speaker 1 the Kimmel show, which is a great hang, you know, he's got a great green room, you know, and there's people hanging out. It's sort of like a

Speaker 1 like lounge vibe. It's really cool, and everybody at the show is like super nice.
But when you leave, there's this little alleyway to the to the

Speaker 1 to the parking lot.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the the you know, the professional autograph people, you know, the ones who act like they're your biggest fan and they for some reason just happen to have 42 things for you to sign, and they just throw it on the internet.

Speaker 1 They don't give a fuck. They throw it up on eBay and

Speaker 1 whatever, right? So

Speaker 1 I'm come walking out, right?

Speaker 1 Felt like the segment went really well. So, you know, they're fucking standing there hanging over the fence.
So it's like, all right, you know, let me go over and sign some of these things.

Speaker 1 So there's this fucking kid there. His voice hadn't even changed yet.

Speaker 3 He's like, Bill, Bill, could you sign this? Oh, I got it, Bill. I'm the biggest van, Bill.

Speaker 1 And he fucking hands me this thing. And all it is is just blank windows with nothing in there, which is weird.
They have you sign the plastic, then they stick like a card in there.

Speaker 1 I don't get it, really.

Speaker 3 And he kept going, I'm the biggest van.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God, I love the man alone.

Speaker 1 Bill, Bill, just one more, Bill, just one. I'm fucking signing this shit.
I'm signing. And he keeps jumping over people.
Bill, Bill, Bill, it's freaking the fuck out.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, I signed like, you know, a bunch of these fucking things. And then as I turn around to like the second I turned around

Speaker 1 and that little kid knew I was walking away. He went for bell, bell, bell, bill.
Then I hear the same voice. He just goes, hey, dude, that's my pen.

Speaker 1 It was all an act.

Speaker 1 Completely didn't give a fuck. Oh my God, Bill.

Speaker 1 And then the second I walk away, hey man, give me my pen back. All right, guys.
See, let's wrap it up, right?

Speaker 1 So then

Speaker 1 I'm driving out of the place.

Speaker 1 He had run down to where you drive out, and he's, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

Speaker 1 Over the fucking fence.

Speaker 1 And I want to be like, dude, I already signed like 20 of your fucking things. And I also heard the way you said, can I have the pen back?

Speaker 1 You totally confirmed that you don't give a fuck about me, which is fine. And I get it.
It's a little business thing. You earned your money.
You came down here. I signed you things.

Speaker 1 Go, go, whatever the fuck you think you're going to get for them.

Speaker 1 Go do it, right?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I drive out of there.

Speaker 1 To the left was a bunch of traffic. So I go to the right

Speaker 1 and I fucking

Speaker 1 drive like three football fields. I get to the stop sign.
I'm sitting behind a car.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden, scared the shit out of me. This same fucking kid knocks on my window.
Bail, bail,

Speaker 1 dude i felt like i was in halloween like when fucking mike myers jumped up on the station wagon fucking window

Speaker 1 i was like what the fuck i was like kid kid you're gonna get hit by a car come on man i sign these things now you make you know Because he's got that high-pitched voice that's making you feel bad like you're leaving some orphan without his porridge or some shit.

Speaker 1 So I make a left and I just drive. I gotta get away from this fucking kid, right? So I drive, I make a left, and I look in my rearview mirror, and he's running down the fucking street like those

Speaker 1 paper boys in that 80s movie. $2, $2.

Speaker 1 So then I banged a right and another left. I was driving where I didn't even want to fucking go just to get away from this kid.
But

Speaker 1 shout out to him, man.

Speaker 1 Fucking kid was dedicated. But dude, I wish you could.

Speaker 1 I'm not even doing it justice, the way he switched and the way his voice dropped down like three octaves to just the fucking businessman he already was 11 years old. Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill.

Speaker 4 Hey, let me get my pen back.

Speaker 1 I got a good laugh. I definitely got free.
When he knocked on the fucking window, holy shit, that scared the hell out of me.

Speaker 1 Anyway.

Speaker 1 So yeah,

Speaker 1 I'm doing the press thing this the way old Billy press boy. You know, one week.

Speaker 1 Get out there, you fucking, you run your yap, you promote your shit, and then you fucking go away before they get sick of you. That's how the game's played.
So I did,

Speaker 1 and I did a couple podcasts today that will be coming out. So I don't know if you can announce them.
Everything's all fucking weird now. You never know how to do these things.

Speaker 1 But anyway, thank you for all the nice things you guys wrote about the

Speaker 1 Kimmel thing.

Speaker 1 Jimmy's the best. You know, you just go out there, you just feel like you're hanging out.

Speaker 1 Reminded me when I used to do Conan Show and all of that stuff. Like

Speaker 1 all the fucking great ones. Just, you know, you forget you're doing the show, you know? So, and his band sounded fucking killer, man.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, yeah, just running around doing all of that shit today

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 getting geared up. The fuck was I going to talk about? Oh, I know.
I know what I was going to talk about. Oh, my, my daughter busted me because I agreed not to smoke cigars, right?

Speaker 1 So I wasn't smoking cigars. I'm supposed to go another hundred days, which I actually like that she does that.
But

Speaker 1 I found like a way around it. I was smoking a pipe, and I was thinking, all right, well, it's not a cigar.
It's also not as bad.

Speaker 1 And I also don't really like smoking a pipe, so I'll just kind of do that once a week. But I did it, and

Speaker 1 then I came in. Sighed and she smelled it on me.
She's like, dad, did you smoke? I said, I smoked a pipe. And she's just going, Dad, I go, you said no cigars.

Speaker 1 She goes, no cigars, no pipes, no smoking.

Speaker 1 And I went, all right, all right. So now I'm like, off, off.
I did the California sober thing with the

Speaker 1 smoking rather than, you know, people say I'm sober. California sober means you still eat gummies and shit like that.

Speaker 1 Which, by the way,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know. One of the things I kind of liked about doing Kimmel last night is I made sure I stayed like

Speaker 1 apolitical.

Speaker 1 And people still, they just politicize

Speaker 1 everything. It's fucking unbelievable.
You could literally go on a morning talk show and show them how to fucking make blueberry pancakes. And so, why'd you pick blueberries?

Speaker 1 Blue, blue ties, for fucking liberal pancakes. Fuck this guy.

Speaker 1 I'm going to show you guys how to make strawberry shortcake. Red red tie.
Fucking Trumper piece of shit. It's just like,

Speaker 1 it's unbelievable.

Speaker 1 But fortunately, it's not most people. It's just these people that, like, you know, like

Speaker 1 the thing where, like, if you're in jail too long,

Speaker 1 you don't even know how to live outside. They say you're institutionalized.

Speaker 1 I feel like when you either are on the internet long enough reading conspiracy theory, God knows I did that a good 12 years ago on this podcast, or you you watch those 24-hour news networks.

Speaker 1 It just does something to your brain that isn't healthy. So I'm kind of hoping,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think it would be a lot better.
I don't watch the news, and I got to tell you, I'm really happy. Happier, I should say.
Let's not get crazy.

Speaker 1 I'm way happier.

Speaker 1 I think of all the news that I watched in my lifetime, the amount of it that ever helped me. The only thing, the only news that ever really helps you is the weather channel.

Speaker 1 Like, if they let you know a hurricane's coming or where the fires are or whatever. Like, that helps you out.
But all of this other shit,

Speaker 1 what is it? All it does is just fucking if I don't know about you. I watch this shit and I got my fucking head in the stove by the time I'm done.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 so

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 it's really weird and and and how they got like states not liking other states.

Speaker 1 It's fucking bizarre. Like the amount of shit that people think that Los Angeles is or California is,

Speaker 1 you can just tell they've never been to California. It's like fucking, or they came out to California with their mind already made up.

Speaker 1 And I get out there and I see this chick with fake tits.

Speaker 4 I'm like, there you go.

Speaker 1 It's like there's fake tits everywhere now.

Speaker 1 Or like people out here, I listen to them talk about Florida and Texas, like their idea of it. It's like, you've never been to those places.

Speaker 1 Here's an exercise for you. Why don't you take a vacation to a state you hate and go there with an open mind and just go there and say, I'm going to have a good time.

Speaker 1 And I guarantee you, you're going to. I guarantee you you're going to meet people that you like.
And I guarantee that you're going to have a good fucking time. All right.

Speaker 1 But if you want to go there with your fucking nose in the air, thinking you know everything and that your way of living or your political view or whatever, your religion, whatever, or your race is the be-all, fucking end-all, you're not going to have a good time anywhere you go.

Speaker 1 All right, and that's one to grow on.

Speaker 1 That's one to grow on.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I'm in my new podcast studio.

Speaker 1 I'm sitting in my car. This is what I do now.
I sit in the fucking car.

Speaker 1 Whenever I do the pod and the kids are home, I got to do it in the car because even if I'm in the garage, the way they fucking yell, screaming and yelling, running around, having a good time, listening to ACDC, or God knows what they're doing, um,

Speaker 1 it just sort of bleeds into the background. Um, so anyway,

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 so obviously, uh, we're putting together

Speaker 1 a benefit

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 to try to do something. Um,

Speaker 1 and then I've had other people,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 musicians that are doing their own benefits and stuff like that. So, as always, performers,

Speaker 1 you know, are going to fucking do what we do and raise some fucking money and all of that. And,

Speaker 1 you know, people will still say we're assholes.

Speaker 1 But it's like any job, you know what I mean? It's like,

Speaker 1 okay,

Speaker 1 let's pick a fucking red state. We're going to go with Arkansas.
Billy Joe, what was that guy? Billy Ray Smith, Arkansas Razorbacks, way back in the day. So,

Speaker 1 like, if they were going to show Arkansas, they would find the two dumbest fucking guys they could find with Trump hats on and just let them talk. And then they would be like, this is Arkansas, right?

Speaker 1 Which it isn't. But they would say that that's what it is, right?

Speaker 1 And that that happens with everything. Like out here in L.A., you know, you saw that transitioning firefighter, that became all L.A.
fire department, right?

Speaker 1 That's what that, yep, that's exactly what it is. And you've never been here, so you know what it is, right?

Speaker 1 And then they do that with like the entertainment business. The

Speaker 1 entertainers are defined by the most obnoxious douchebags

Speaker 1 speeches on award shows. And they're like,

Speaker 1 that's what they are. There they are.

Speaker 1 What show is that? There was one of those talk shows a long time ago. Was it Jerry Springer?

Speaker 1 I just remember watching that show, one of those fucking shows, and I was just going, this show is so fucking bad

Speaker 1 for men and women relations, race relations, all relations, because what they basically had the worst representation of every fucking, it was actually, it was so fucked up, it was like fascinating.

Speaker 1 We're gonna have a white guy on. Well, we can't just have a white guy, let's get a guy in the clan.
Did you watch that fucking documentary about that, by the way?

Speaker 1 And that arrogant ass

Speaker 1 that was like, I was like, no, this is great television. Like that guy where he just acted like he was around the corner and we were all trying to keep up with them.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, dude, you're just showing a fucking shit show.

Speaker 1 And he was trying to act like what he was doing was like deep.

Speaker 1 And it's like, no, you are just, you have,

Speaker 1 you don't give a fuck about anybody. You don't give a shit about what you're putting out there.
You just want to have ratings and make fucking money. That's all you want to do.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, the fucking ego on that guy.

Speaker 1 I had to like shut it off after a while. It's like, I can't fucking sit there and watch this guy crawl any further up his own fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 You would have thought he did Citizen Kane.

Speaker 1 The way he's sitting there talking about himself.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, that show just was not at the level of some of my shit jokes.

Speaker 1 All right, sorry. This is a fucked up podcast.
I'm a little loopy right now. I've talked all day,

Speaker 1 promoting a special that isn't coming out for another fucking 60 days. I'm a little confused on that, but I don't pretend to understand anything anymore.

Speaker 1 I'm getting into my, I feel like, Grandpa, grandpa, go over here and just sit down. Why does it flash, you know?

Speaker 1 Um, give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Manascalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd, Bezos now, ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right. Premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers.

Speaker 1 Terms apply.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 what's coming up this weekend? We got more playoffs.

Speaker 1 Playoffs is always the weirdest thing. Oh, look at that.
Nice couple.

Speaker 1 Nice couple going for a fucking walk.

Speaker 4 You know?

Speaker 1 You know, studies have shown people that hike together are 80% more likely to stay together than people who jog

Speaker 1 sharing a treadmill.

Speaker 1 Because it's like they're both jogging, but not at the same time. So there's a disconnect.

Speaker 1 There's a desensitization.

Speaker 1 There's always those people out there.

Speaker 1 Just like anything that you're fucking into.

Speaker 1 You know.

Speaker 1 I'm down to a cup of coffee. Like, that's literally my vice every fucking day.
I don't even fuck with sugar anymore. Okay.

Speaker 1 I got nothing. Like, coffee is all I have.

Speaker 1 And now everybody is on the fucking internet talking about when you go to get a cup of coffee, you now got to bring your own glass cup because the paper cup is plastic lined and the heat of the coffee causes microplastics to get into your drink that for some reason you don't...

Speaker 1 You don't pee or poop it out.

Speaker 1 It goes to your brain.

Speaker 1 Which I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Is that because it's just completely foreign, like trans fats? Like your body doesn't know what to do with it?

Speaker 1 Like trans fats, your body, like, I don't know what to do with this, so it just stores it in your belly.

Speaker 1 Like junk mail? Like, why don't you just throw it out?

Speaker 1 I mean, I thought God was like,

Speaker 1 this is my problem with God. He fucking makes things that make trans fats that then go into something that he made that it now doesn't know how to deal with it.

Speaker 1 And if this guy was all-knowing, he would know that some of the people that he was making were sociopaths and they would poison the food supply to the point you can't even get a cup of coffee without having plastic stuck to your fucking brain.

Speaker 1 Why would he make people like that?

Speaker 1 I'm asking, I'm seriously asking that question. I would love to have a debate here

Speaker 1 if you believe in

Speaker 1 a God

Speaker 1 that cares,

Speaker 1 a loving God.

Speaker 1 And do you subscribe to what religions say

Speaker 1 that we're all born good people and then bad people make the choice to be bad?

Speaker 1 They side with the devil.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You have all of this science, the enemy of religion.

Speaker 1 Like

Speaker 1 that shows how some people are born and they're just sociopaths and they don't feel anything and they don't have any empathy or anything like that. They're like born that way.

Speaker 1 So you didn't choose the devil.

Speaker 1 So it's almost like a birth defect.

Speaker 1 Right? They're like mentally ill or something. And God made that person.
So before the devil could even talk to them, they were in the fucking womb that was so polluted.

Speaker 1 They fucking came out as a baby sociopath. You just don't know because they're going goo-goo gaga.

Speaker 1 You see what I'm saying? Like, that's the part I don't get.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Or like,

Speaker 1 you know, like,

Speaker 1 like serial killers.

Speaker 1 They'll be like, that man is the devil. And it's like, no, that man was a baby.

Speaker 1 A God-created baby, and then became a fucking serial killer.

Speaker 1 Like, what?

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, that's a good name for a special for a fat comic.

Speaker 1 You just have a giant bowl of cornflakes in front of you with a big wooden spoon, and you're shoving it in your mouth in the name of your special serial killer.

Speaker 1 Is that bad? Sorry.

Speaker 1 Do you know one time

Speaker 1 I was hanging out with comics? What else would I be doing? And we were trying to come up with the most... I forget why, because somebody had a fucking stand-up special.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, this is like 20 years ago.

Speaker 1 Oh, what fucking special. I wouldn't say it anyways, but it was a special that just had this funny fucking name to it, which got us all thinking, like, what's the most,

Speaker 1 you know, it was like one of these specials that, like, somebody named that was, it was like arrogant. So we were all, like, laughing at how arrogant that was.
So we were all sitting around

Speaker 1 trying to think of the most arrogant name you could come up with for a stand-up special.

Speaker 1 And the one that I remember that made me laugh the most was game over.

Speaker 1 And it's just a picture of you, and you have, like, this fucking look on your face, you know?

Speaker 1 Like, yeah, I just did that shit. And your hand is open.
That's this is the poster. And the mic is already dropping to the floor.

Speaker 1 Game over.

Speaker 1 Yo, he just ended the stand-up game as we know it. Um,

Speaker 1 anyway, uh,

Speaker 1 all right, how much more fucking time do I have? I don't have any advertising, you know.

Speaker 1 When you go on TV and you support someone who killed a CEO, the advertising starts to dip.

Speaker 1 Still was a funny joke, though.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I'm getting ready to head. I'm getting ready

Speaker 1 to go back

Speaker 1 to get ready to do this play. I'm

Speaker 1 excited. I'm fucking nervous.
I'm fucking sad.

Speaker 1 But we're going to, I don't know. I'm going to figure all of this shit out.
So, anyway, I don't have, I don't even have any fucking advertising.

Speaker 1 I still got nine more, eight and a half more fucking minutes to fill here. What am I going to talk about? What do you talk about when you talk to yourself?

Speaker 1 You don't have a fucking guest, and you already talked for nine hours today on podcast.

Speaker 1 What do

Speaker 1 you talk about?

Speaker 1 I will tell you what I'm not excited about is going back to that fucking minus 20-degree fucking weather they're having in New York City. Not looking forward to that.

Speaker 1 But that's going to be weird.

Speaker 1 Like living there. I have not lived there since 2007,

Speaker 1 which doesn't seem that long ago to me, but that's 18 fucking years ago.

Speaker 1 Like someone had a baby the day I left in New York City, and that baby is now legally an adult.

Speaker 1 Yes, Bill, we know what 18 is.

Speaker 1 I left 16 and a half years ago, which means if somebody had a baby the day I left, they would be eligible to get their license to drive a vehicle. Thank you, Bill.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 I forgot what age you do things in life. Thank God there's a podcast that's tackling these tough subjects.

Speaker 1 All right. I don't know.
What am I going to talk? Playoff football here? Who's left? Who the fuck is left? How about the fucking Vikings? Jesus Jesus Christ. How about those poor goddamn Vikings fans?

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 how many times are they going to go 15 and one? 14 and two? 15 and now it's like 15 and two. Back in the day, 15 and one, 14 and two.

Speaker 1 Now they go 15 and two.

Speaker 1 They weren't even in that fucking game for a second.

Speaker 1 For a fucking second.

Speaker 1 then everybody's making all, you know what the worst thing is now? Now that your team, not only does your team fucking lose,

Speaker 1 you got to deal with like the fucking Instagram. I got to tell you, man, like how, you know how fucking, like, the level of funny that regular people are, like, some of the comment sections,

Speaker 1 I even like announcing

Speaker 1 my, just my special on Twitter. Some of the shit people said that, you know, who didn't like me, like,

Speaker 1 it was fucking hilarious. Even like the, just the simple childish ones, like, hey, man, my new special's coming out March 14th on Hulu.
Check it out if you got time. And somebody just wrote all Z's.

Speaker 1 And I showed it to Nia. I go, Nia, I was cracking up.
I go, look what somebody wrote. And she fucking bursted out laughing.
She goes, that's funny. I'm like, yeah, it is.
It's mean. It's childish.

Speaker 1 It's completely unnecessary. It's everything that makes something funny.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 but that's what I always do. I always like fucking, I announce something or I put something out, and I always read until I get to the first negative one, and then I just sort of do the math.

Speaker 1 And hopefully, it balances out on the positive side. And then you just, you just fight, you move forward.

Speaker 1 you just try to move forward that's what you do um

Speaker 1 anyway i did uh

Speaker 1 i've been playing a lot more guitar lately but you know something i did this guy's podcast today

Speaker 1 because that's the thing i'm worried about like man i'm not even not even going to be able to play drums when i'm in new york for five fucking

Speaker 1 however long i'm going to fucking be there um

Speaker 1 what am I gonna do and

Speaker 1 there's this little thing that like Roland makes or something

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 it has like, you know, I don't know how many different pads on it. You can get all these different sounds.
And you can just kind of play quietly. It was really cool, but still get like, you know,

Speaker 1 not lose a lot of muscle memory or whatever. But it was just weird where everything was like set up.

Speaker 1 But it was also somebody else's setup, like where they had like the hi-hat and where they had the snare drum and that type of shit.

Speaker 1 So it's like they had the hi-hat to the right where you would have your ride symbol. So then what was weird is if you wanted to play like 16th notes using two hands

Speaker 1 because the snare was to the left, you then had to lead with your left. It was kind of bizarre, to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 But it gave me hope. I goes, all right, you know, maybe that could be like my little drum outlet so I don't forget everything

Speaker 1 that I learned. But in the meantime, I think I'm just going to play

Speaker 1 a bunch of guitar. I started like, you know what's so fucked up was how your phone listens to you?

Speaker 1 I was talking to somebody, oh, Dave Kushner, Dave Kushner, who has his own masterclass.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Dave, do me a favor, just show me a guitar lick. Give me something that sounds cool, that's easy.
So you show me this little three-note thing, right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I was talking to him, and he was just talking about music theory and stuff. And we were just sitting there talking about that shit.

Speaker 1 And next thing you know,

Speaker 1 Next thing you know, what happens? I get all of this shit

Speaker 1 on my Instagram about music theory, theory, which to me, nothing,

Speaker 1 nothing scares the shit out of me as far as like, or no, I can't say scares the shit out of me. The ocean's the big one.
The fucking,

Speaker 1 like, just that whole idea

Speaker 1 of musical theory, that there's these theories about music. And music to me has always felt like it's not on a piece of paper.
That it just sort of like, like I remember somebody describing

Speaker 1 Stevie Ray Vaughn's playing and was saying he was just like this open channel. He was just tapped in

Speaker 1 you know to something and it was like the music was the

Speaker 1 ideas were coming from above him and just flowing through him.

Speaker 1 Like that's how I picture

Speaker 1 how people make music.

Speaker 1 I don't feel like it's like, well, if you just look at the guitar, you start viewing it as rather than six strings it's two strings and what you notice is that the same two notes on the E and the A are then going to be move up two frets to the D and the G and then it's three frets for the bottom one and it's just like oh my god oh my god that's amazing you just took all the fun out of this

Speaker 1 No, but I do think it's like a good thing to try and understand

Speaker 1 the guitar like fretboard because it's just it's always been a fucking mystery to me and how these people can find notes you know it's always been amazing to me um

Speaker 1 but like you know

Speaker 1 i don't know to me like that immediately becomes like you know like when people like try to break down stand-up comedy and they're just going like well see what what he's doing there is that that's called a reversal he's doing a reverse see he's he's doing this and then he reverses it on you and then the crowd's like, ooh, ooh, where is he going with this?

Speaker 1 And then he says that, and that, see, he's

Speaker 1 creating tension. He's building this tension that he's like a balloon.
It's like a balloon that is like, what the fuck are we talking about here?

Speaker 1 How did we go from fucking two guys walking to a bar to you talking about a balloon that's about to fucking burst?

Speaker 1 Yeah, like you're fucking explaining why people laugh. Like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. To me, that's like one of the most dangerous things ever.
Like, if I ever stop and think, I've done it. I've been on stage and I started thinking.
Sometimes I, you know,

Speaker 1 I just feel like I'm talking, right?

Speaker 1 And every once in a while, I get outside myself and I'm like, everybody's laughing right now. This is kind of weird.
I just feel like I'm just talking about what I think about this.

Speaker 1 Why are they laughing? The second I think that,

Speaker 1 the second I think that, the laughter starts trailing off.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm talking about. Christ, I don't even know what I'm saying anymore.

Speaker 1 Alright, so I got to get the cardio in. What I'm not doing in this fucking neighborhood watch, guys.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking funny. What are neighborhood watch people? They just drive up and down the street in a van.

Speaker 1 I wonder what they think about.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 God, it's got to be boring. Just driving around the same fucking neighborhood.

Speaker 1 Then what happens if a house gets broken into?

Speaker 1 Do you get to yell at them? The fuck are we paying you for?

Speaker 1 They drive by it like fucking 20 miles an hour, so it's just like...

Speaker 1 What are you doing? You're just driving around?

Speaker 1 Maybe it's presence, police presence. Is that what they're trying to do? I have no idea.
Anyway,

Speaker 1 I'm hoping the wind dies down out here, and

Speaker 1 we can go back to

Speaker 1 a little more of a normal life. And then those of us who got lucky can help out those who didn't.

Speaker 1 And that we don't politicize the whole thing. We don't play the blame game or anything like that.
I mean, what the f- I mean, it's so stupid.

Speaker 1 I mean, if you really want to get into this, this whole fucking city shouldn't even be here.

Speaker 1 Going back hundreds of years, why are you going to blame people now for this inevitable thing that we all knew was going to happen? That we all knew, by the way.

Speaker 1 It's funny how certain people are like trying to take credit. Like, you know, I said that was going to happen.
Oh, did you?

Speaker 1 You were the one who said it. Everybody is, I've been out, I've been coming out to LA since 1994.

Speaker 1 And since 1994, they said if the right fucking set of circumstances, this fucking thing's going to, you know, it's going to happen.

Speaker 1 The big earthquake, you're going to fall into the ocean, like all of that shit. They've been saying that since I have been out here.
But somehow it gets, you know,

Speaker 1 attributed to like one person.

Speaker 1 Which is.

Speaker 1 Which is amazing. My favorite thing is the cleaning up.
Why didn't you clean up? Why didn't you pick up all the sticks, man?

Speaker 1 Had you just picked up all all the sticks, then what? The trees wouldn't catch on fire? I don't understand.

Speaker 1 Trees are still flammable, whether there's sticks around them or not. Embers are still going to go miles and miles and miles in 100-knot winds.
I don't fucking get it.

Speaker 1 I mean, but I don't know shit about fires. Maybe I'm fucking wrong, but like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I mean, the reality is another thing, too, like, maybe everybody everybody out here, we should stop, you know, we should just start having, like, you'll see people out here,

Speaker 1 they have like the,

Speaker 1 they only have plants that are indigenous out here.

Speaker 1 So their front yard looks like Roadrunner and Coyote, you know?

Speaker 1 Can cacti catch on fire? I have no idea, but I can guarantee you somebody who doesn't live in a state with cacti knows the answer to that and is 100% sure of themselves.

Speaker 1 whatever,

Speaker 1 um,

Speaker 1 I don't want to get involved in that. I just really feel like when things like this happen, uh, I just fucking hate how it always becomes the fucking rich people.
All they fucking do,

Speaker 1 all these news channels do, all they ever fucking do is try to keep us fucking divided. It's unbelievable.
It was a fucking fire. People are homeless, they need help.

Speaker 1 The fuck are you talking about Democrats or Republicans?

Speaker 1 Sorry, I had to get that out. All right.
So,

Speaker 1 I think we're putting together a benefit, and that's going to be happening in the end of July, January, right before I head out to New York. And,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 unlike what a lot of people who don't live here, they don't realize there's a bunch of great people out here in LA.

Speaker 1 People that are from California, people that moved out here, people in show business, people not in show business. They're fucking great people, and they're your fellow countrymen.

Speaker 1 So don't let these fucking news channels make you hate your own fucking people.

Speaker 1 All right, that's it. Okay.

Speaker 1 Enjoy the music picked out by Andrew Themelis, and we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. Have a great weekend, you cunts.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. All right, I'll see you.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, January 16th, 2017. What's going on?

Speaker 1 How are you?

Speaker 1 How are you, everybody? And happy

Speaker 1 Martin Luther King Day to everybody.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 happy Martin Luther King Day. You know, for those of you that means something to you, for those of you who just, yeah, you know, it's another day off.

Speaker 1 It's just like when it's Georgie or Abe's birthday in February. Do we get those days off?

Speaker 1 Huh?

Speaker 1 The two whiteys there? The two whiteys in February. I believe it's in February, right?

Speaker 1 During Black History Month. You still got a shoehorn, George Washington Day and Lincoln's birthday in there, correct? Then you got another whitey in Whitey.
You got another whitey in

Speaker 1 March with St. Patrick, huh? You pasty-faced fucking son son of a bitch, yeah, right? Then in April, who do you got?

Speaker 1 Oh, here comes Peter Cottontail. Hopping down the bunny trail, right? With his old little white bunny, yes, right?

Speaker 1 Then what do you got? You got in May, who's that? Is that Abe Vogoda Day? I don't know. I run out somewhere around there.
Those are weird. The dog days of the year.

Speaker 1 It's like fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 Flag Day.

Speaker 1 Then I always get Memorial Day and Labor Day. Memorial Day is May,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 Memorial Day is in May. We recognize all the veterans, you know, that fought for your freedom so you can sit around and eat fucking dip and shit, right?

Speaker 1 Changing all your fucking VCR tapes over to fucking DVDs and then to a little fucking stick, whatever the fuck it is you do that day, right?

Speaker 1 And you got July 4th, so everybody can go around and fucking, you know, trade stories about their uncle that blew his fucking fingers off because he never got married.

Speaker 1 He was trying to impress his nephews and nieces, right?

Speaker 4 You're so cool, Uncle Jimmy.

Speaker 4 Right?

Speaker 1 See, you see that right there, son? You see that right there? That's why I told you, your Uncle Jimmy ain't no fucking good, all right? So I don't want to quit your crap.

Speaker 1 All right, I don't want to hear it no more.

Speaker 1 I ain't going over Uncle Jimmy's. Okay, he's over there with loose fucking women, and he's playing with them firecrackers.
All right, so that's July 4th.

Speaker 1 Then August, August is kind of like a month that's up for grabs.

Speaker 1 No Jewish holidays, no, hey, remember Jesus did this for you?

Speaker 1 What do you say there, Muslims? What do you got? You got something that month? How about you, Buddhists?

Speaker 1 Buddhists don't give a shit, right? They're like, hey, man, like, every day is for everybody. And it's just like, as long as we're sitting around and feeling the breathe.
That's what I'm trying to be.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm trying to be that person. Today was going to be my 10th day in a row

Speaker 1 to uh meditate but i didn't i woke up late and i had to take my lady over to the doctor's and um

Speaker 1 and i just i just got up late you know i had this weird ass dream too i had this weird dream where i was went out my back porch and i was watching these helicopters flying in formation and dive bomb in my neighborhood i was like what the are they doing that for

Speaker 1 And then one of them lost control and I had this weird view from my house that I've never had before. And it was just basically the cockpit, you know, know, and the engine, that part and the skids.

Speaker 1 No main rotor, no tail, no tail rotor, nothing else. And for some reason, it wasn't tipping over and falling to the ground like a fucking trash can, or most likely inverting.

Speaker 1 It just fucking

Speaker 1 just went straight and it sort of landed. And I ran down there.
I was in my underwear because you're always in your underwear in your dreams, right? You never have your pants on.

Speaker 1 It's so fucking weird.

Speaker 1 With mine, there's always that level of humiliation no matter what's going on.

Speaker 4 I can't find my pants, right?

Speaker 1 Anyway, so the fucking thing lands. So I run up and then I'm thinking like, wait a minute, do I want to see the carnage that is in there?

Speaker 1 And then all these people showed up with like cell phone cameras and stuff and I was standing there in my underwear and I ran home. That was that there you go.

Speaker 1 There's your dream to interpret for the week.

Speaker 1 All right, because I'm not going to therapy anymore because I spent enough fucking money, you know, with somebody daydreaming with the goddamn notebook, right?

Speaker 1 And none of them ever look like that brought on the sopranos, let's be honest, right?

Speaker 1 Yeah, so I started, I woke up late. All right, so I need to fucking relax, quiet my mind, make it more of a still pond.

Speaker 1 Whenever a rock falls into the pond, what happens?

Speaker 1 The waters ripple, yes. The waters ripple.

Speaker 1 And if too many rocks fall in, what happens? There starts to be a storm.

Speaker 1 And this is what I want you to pay attention to today, during today's meditation.

Speaker 1 Is your brain a still pond?

Speaker 1 Or can you hear the screaming, watery death

Speaker 1 of 1,200 passengers

Speaker 1 going under the water of your mind? Sorry, I lost it. I don't know what the fuck I was talking about.
Anyways, I owe some apologies this week.

Speaker 1 Apology number one: I owe an apology to the fucking Atlanta Falcons.

Speaker 1 I owe an apology to the Houston Texans.

Speaker 1 I owe an apology to Meryl Streep, evidently, according to Twitter, according to one person.

Speaker 1 All right, let's start with the Seattle Seahawks, right?

Speaker 1 You know, I thought those were going to be the dirty, filthy, stinking, disease-carrying birds that were going to win that game. I said last week, and I kind of quote,

Speaker 1 you know who got off easy this weekend? The New England Patriots and the Seattle Seahawks.

Speaker 1 Because the Cowboys and the Packers are going to beat the fuck out of each other. And the Steelers and the fucking Chiefs are going to beat the shit out of each other, right?

Speaker 1 And then all we got to do is play the winner. Assuming

Speaker 1 that these two teams were just going to waltz to the AFC and NFC championship game as if that is a given.

Speaker 1 Well, let's start with the Atlanta Falcons. I picked the wrong dirty birds.

Speaker 1 Very impressive win. And

Speaker 1 I know Seattle fans are going to be like, like, we had some major injuries, which they did coming into the game. And then they lost another guy.
I understand that, okay?

Speaker 1 I totally understand that, Seattle fans. You're 100% right.
Christ, I can hear you crying from here. Your stadium is so loud.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. Are those Seattle? See, they're so fucking loud.
I'm so sick of ESPN fucking, like, just ignoring. that entire fact.
They just don't, do you know what it is? You know what it is?

Speaker 1 They can't, they have the ability to separate themselves from the truth. That's what I really respect from ESPN: they can just separate themselves from the truth and just go for the fucking money.

Speaker 1 They don't give a shit about what's right, or none of them give a fuck. They're just saying shit to say shit.
So idiots like me get upset and yell at their fucking TV and keep watching.

Speaker 1 And then what do they do? They get some more habitashery, right?

Speaker 1 They, you know, they, they get, they get a bigger fucking, whatever the fuck it is they're after over there, a new tie-tack. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know what motivates people that want to sit around in suits talking about sports. Why do they wear suits, by the way? Can anybody explain that to me?

Speaker 1 Why are they all sitting there like they're on meet the press when they're talking? I just, I don't fucking understand it, you know?

Speaker 1 And it's contagious.

Speaker 1 Talking, standing in a fucking suit talking about

Speaker 1 sports is so fucking contagious. Ben Rothlisberger,

Speaker 1 Ben, Big Ben, I ain't wearing no fucking helmet when I ride a motorcycle, showed up, dressed, dare I say, dressed to the fucking night. He looked like a million bucks from the fucking neck down.

Speaker 1 His suit was fucking sharp. He had a pocket square, the tie, the shirt, the whole fucking thing.
He was killing it. Okay?

Speaker 1 OJ would have got off this a second time if he wore that fucking suit he had on Sunday.

Speaker 1 However, from the neck up, he'd just look at him going like, this guy crushes a 12-pack while eating all right of french fries. I know he does.
Okay?

Speaker 1 Why, you know, you know what he looked like? He looked like a guy.

Speaker 1 He looked like a convicted drunk driver trying to get his license back.

Speaker 1 Now, you promised me you're not going to do this again. Yes, Your Honor.
Absolutely. I've seen the error of my ways.
You know, still all puffy. I'm fucking with you.

Speaker 1 I love Ben Rothosberger, but seeing him in a suit, you know,

Speaker 1 he was all grown up. I'm proud of him.

Speaker 1 So, my apologies. To the Atlanta Falcons, and I'm not going to know anybody's fucking names.
Okay? I don't know anybody's names. I know Julio Jones, and I know

Speaker 1 Sherman, you know, who Julio Jones made look, he made him look, I would never say regular, because Sherman is the shit. He made him look

Speaker 1 a little bit. And I've never seen him do that, because that guy still

Speaker 1 shuts down his part of the fucking field. All right? And he made him look kind of, you know, this guy's pretty good.
He's got some pretty good footwork there.

Speaker 1 And also, I thought he, when Camp Chancellor came up, where he usually just fucking lays the fucking lumber, Julio Jones dropped his shoulder, absorbed the shit, and dare I say, I'm not going to say he put Cam on his back, but it was not an issue that Cam hit him, and that really surprised me.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know, I don't know any of the fucking names. I've said Atlanta's fucking running back, whatever the fuck his name is.

Speaker 1 The one who doesn't pretend to eat cereal whenever he fucking gets a few yards. That's the cowboys one.

Speaker 1 He gets up, you know, you know, geez, you ever seen a guy campaigning harder to get a Lipton soup ab?

Speaker 1 You know, is that guy who used to be on the Giants and then did the show at that little cutie pie in the morning and then for some reason left that show to be one of 19 with the guy who used to run fucking Clinton's campaign?

Speaker 1 Is it George Stephanopoulos on a morning show right now? Like, that guy's got to be on like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 What happened?

Speaker 1 25 fucking years ago, I was dealing with the Russians.

Speaker 1 I'm fucking sitting here on Pancake Wednesday acting like I'm excited about this shit, sitting on this fucking couch. You know what the worst parts of those shows are?

Speaker 1 Is the way they decorate the coffee table?

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 I can't imagine trudging in there every fucking day to do that show. Like, what fucking monkey suit are they putting you in today?

Speaker 1 You know, the girls have to have their sassy, I'm a morning person outfits, you know? The guys have to have that, you know, I'd show up and, you know. I'd turn the whole fucking paycheck over to you.

Speaker 1 Wouldn't pull some Angela's ashes shit to you and go to the pub instead. They got to have that fucking look.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Why did Stray Han leave that show

Speaker 1 with that little cutie pie? What the fuck is her name?

Speaker 1 I saw her once in real life. She's fucking smoking, smoking hot, right? It was just the two of them.
They had a great time, right?

Speaker 1 She'd come out on his shoulder like a parakeet. He'd do the monologue.
She'd giggle along. And they had the whole fucking thing.
It was just the two of them. Just the two of them.

Speaker 1 Making heaps of fucking cash.

Speaker 4 just the two of them.

Speaker 1 And then for some reason,

Speaker 1 he leaves that show.

Speaker 1 Michael Strahan,

Speaker 1 arguably one of the most successful people. You know, people look at Mark Cuba and they go, I mean, here's a guy.
You know, he didn't have any fucking money. He starts some internet company.

Speaker 1 He makes a zillion dollars. Then he buys an NBA team, right?

Speaker 1 He starts to go bald. He gets the fucking hair plugs.
He goes to Vegas. He's at a rave.
You don't know where this guy's going. He's got his own fucking jet.
Everybody thinks this is the guy.

Speaker 1 This is the next fucking Bill Gates guy. He's on Shark Tank.
Okay.

Speaker 1 He's having people coming in who can barely afford the gas in their lawnmower, and he's listening to their ideas and then owning them and then taking them and not giving in.

Speaker 1 You know, you know, what guys like that do, right? I don't know why I'm picking on this guy. He's just funny to me, right?

Speaker 1 You know what I'm going with this?

Speaker 1 Everybody thinks he's the next Bill Gates. And meanwhile, you got Michael Strayhead,

Speaker 1 okay?

Speaker 1 Who came up from the hard streets of somewhere. I don't know where he came from, but I know he's African-American, so I know his streets weren't soft, right?

Speaker 1 When was the last time you saw an African-American make it? And they said that he did not come from hard streets, that he came from soft streets. You never see that.
You do not see.

Speaker 1 There are no soft streets on that side of the fucking fence. So he came from the hard streets.

Speaker 1 Where are we going to put that guy? He doesn't seem like a New York guy.

Speaker 1 He seems like a Pennsylvania dude. I don't know where the fuck he came from.
The hard streets of Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, Allentown. I don't know where the fuck he came from.
Whatever.

Speaker 1 He fucking makes it, okay?

Speaker 1 He becomes a fucking superstar, right? He deals with Tiki Barber and whatever the fuck he was trying to do. You know, throwing the ball all over the carpet, retires early.
They get him out of the way.

Speaker 1 Goes into the Super Bowl. No, whoa, whoa, back up.
Fucking gets the sack record, right?

Speaker 1 You know? And his last one, of course, was the most impressive, which Brett Favre's run on that was the precursor to the butt fumble.

Speaker 1 It's the exact same body motion, except he didn't run into a giant offensive lineman's ass. He just came in and just sort of laid down.
All right.

Speaker 1 Then, if I remember correctly,

Speaker 1 where the fuck did they go? They went somewhere on the road and won. Then they went into Green Bay and won.
Then they went into Dallas and won. I might have those two flip-flopped.

Speaker 1 And then they went to the Super Bowl, played the 18-0 New England Patriots, and they fucking kicked the shit out of them on the offensive line. Won on the last fucking play of the game, okay?

Speaker 1 And wins a fucking Super Bowl. And then you think that's it.
Oh, now he goes in. Oh, he's a broadcaster, too.
He's fucking killing it.

Speaker 1 But you know, a lot of guys done that. Howie Long did it.
Terry Bradshaw did it. Fucking OJ Simpson did it.
Everybody fucking did it, right? That's just what you do.

Speaker 1 If you can actually fucking talk about the game and you can put on a goddamn suit, then he does the unprecedented. Okay? A visionary move that not even Mark Cuban could come up with.

Speaker 1 He decides that, you know what?

Speaker 1 I am the next logical choice to take over for fucking Regis Philbin.

Speaker 1 Right? I mean, I did a whole bit about Arnold Schwarzenegger one time, about all of his accomplishments. I would put Strahan right there.

Speaker 1 Okay? And then he fucking, what does he do? What does he do? He gets, everything's going great. For whatever fucking reason, he decides to join the Partridge family on some other fucking morning show.

Speaker 1 It's going to be the same shit.

Speaker 1 Standing around watching somebody cook something, right? Talking about how some fucking person just had their 105th birthday. Why would you want to be over there with all of those fucking asshats?

Speaker 1 You know, all of those different personalities. You know, someone's going to be a cunt, right? You could have just stayed at your other show.

Speaker 1 Have you ever heard somebody waste more time talking about something that nobody gives a fuck about in your life? I don't know what the hell that was. That was 10 minutes on Michael Strahan.

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 probably like six, but it felt like 50.

Speaker 1 So my apology to the dirty birds down in Atlanta.

Speaker 1 I apologize for disrespecting your team. I didn't realize how good you guys were.

Speaker 1 I wrote you guys off again at the beginning of the game when I heard you had the, you know, you scored the most points, but were the worst in the league in the red zone.

Speaker 1 I'm like, well, the game's over.

Speaker 1 The game's fucking over. So you run up a bunch of points during the regular season against 90% of the teams that are not going to make the playoffs.
So that's out the window.

Speaker 1 And then meanwhile, you couldn't stop 100% of these cunts in the red zone.

Speaker 1 Right there, that's a formula for disaster. And what did they do? They went out.
They beat Seattle so bad. There wasn't one point

Speaker 1 during that game. I think on the first drive, I saw Pete Carroll one time went, woo!

Speaker 1 And that was it.

Speaker 1 That was it. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 I love Pete Carroll, man. He's a fucking great coach.
You know, he was fucking pissed when they lost. Oh, he was fucking pissed.
Can you imagine his family dog?

Speaker 1 He seems like he'd have a little one, too, just standing there quivering in the corner. Pete walking around with his ridiculously white, brand new socks,

Speaker 1 walking across his carpeted floor. That's what he seems like to me, right?

Speaker 1 Has on his fucking Docker PJs.

Speaker 1 That dog just get a little too close. You know, I don't understand why we didn't shut up down on defense.
And the fucking thing goes flying into the fireplace.

Speaker 1 Anyways, he's probably a cat person. Who knows? And my apology to the Texans.

Speaker 1 The Houston Texans, who, without JJ fucking Hawatz

Speaker 1 and a rookie quarterback, hung with the New England Patriots for

Speaker 1 three and a half fucking quarters.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I was not impressed with us. I don't think any Patriot fan was.

Speaker 1 We'll see. We'll see.
I hope that's not. I think, I'm just hoping our offensive line had a bad game.
Everybody just had a bad fucking game.

Speaker 1 If you're going to have a bad game, you might as well do it against a team that's missing their best offensive player and has a brand new guy quarterback. So maybe we got away with one.

Speaker 1 I have no fucking idea. All I know is we're playing Pittsburgh next week, and I have no fucking confidence in that.
Despite the fact Pittsburgh, you know, I don't know what they did.

Speaker 1 Like, they kicked six field goals, which is essentially, you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 If you just went on field goals, you might as well have somebody out there on like those figure skates, you know, dressed up like Yogi Bear or some shit.

Speaker 1 It was like some ice capate shits, but they did it. You know, they beat Kansas City.
I didn't see one second of the game.

Speaker 1 I watched the beginning of the Dallas Green Bay game, and then my wife wanted to go to the movies. So I took her to the movies and I'm like, all right, I'm recording this game.

Speaker 1 Let's record the fucking Steelers Kansas City game. I saw hidden fucking figures.
And then I came back, right?

Speaker 1 And I'm like, all right,

Speaker 1 you know, my wife's taking a bath, everything's fucking cool. I go to pop on the Green Bay Dallas game, and I didn't fucking record it.

Speaker 1 Let me say it again. I didn't fucking record it.

Speaker 1 It was

Speaker 1 sounded like an insane half. And fucking hats off to that fucking dude, Crosby,

Speaker 1 who I'm telling you right now, that was some Adam Vinatieri shit. I've never even seen Vinatieri hit that many 50-yarders in one fucking game.

Speaker 1 Forget about hitting one, getting iced, and then he's got to kick it again. The guy kicked like 200 yards in field goals in like four attempts or some shit like that.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of guy.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of guy right there. You give me a fucking wound, you will get it.
That's the kind of guy who can win your championship right there.

Speaker 1 Because you got fucking uh aaron rogers all he's got now all he's got to do is just get you close and old twinkle toes comes running out with balls the size of the fucking stadium and gives them the old right there fred right there and old big d do you realize how much fucking ass he got after that game even in dallas

Speaker 1 you know those dallas women with their fucking botox and the same amount of makeup as an 80 year old who can't admit that she's old you know they all came running out right took their hats off, take them boots off.

Speaker 1 You know, they all dropped to the knees in their designer fucking Jordan ass jeans. You ever been to Dallas?

Speaker 1 They're so far behind in the styles, you wouldn't even think that there's the internet anymore. They all dress like Dallas is still on TV, the TV show, you know, bum bum, bum, bum, bum, bum.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying they don't really do that, but the through line of that is still there. There's a lot of Larry Hagman in that city with a dash of dead JFK.
That is Dallas.

Speaker 1 And there's a lot of shiny fucking four-door pickup trucks. You know, I don't know who they're driven by, but I think you got to get on the outskirts to get to them ranchers.

Speaker 1 They got them longhorns walking and stomping around in the back.

Speaker 1 And my apologies to Meryl Streep, evidently.

Speaker 1 Somebody had a hissy fit on the fucking Twitter telling me that I am a typical, what did he say, postmodern cynic where I just criticize and I offer no solutions, which is hilarious to me.

Speaker 1 It's like, okay, so

Speaker 1 in your world, Meryl Streep

Speaker 1 and myself should be coming up with

Speaker 1 problem-solving things.

Speaker 1 I just tweeted the guy back. I was like, I just thought I was a comedian making fun of shit.
I didn't know I was a postmodern cynic.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Some people, the level of credit that they give people who don't even watch the news is just fucking beyond me.

Speaker 1 I had to go to summer school every year of high school, except sophomore year, because my teacher hooked me up with a D-minus. And my senior year, I just didn't give a fuck and didn't go.

Speaker 1 You know, what are you going to do? I'm done. It's over.
I'm a loser. All right?

Speaker 4 I am on my way to Applebee's to wash dishes. Thank you very much.

Speaker 1 All right. So,

Speaker 1 I know, way too much football. How about some hockey? Just one quick mention.
All right.

Speaker 1 Did anybody see Adam McQuaid's fight when they fucking against Nashville? Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. I don't know the name of the guy he fought, but that guy's got fucking balls bigger than my giant head.
Anybody's got the balls to to drop the gloves. I'm not shitting on the guy.

Speaker 1 Just Adam McQuaig. That fucking guy can fight.

Speaker 1 He just was like, what guys? What guys? What guys? And then the guy ducked down and he fucking didn't. I thought it was an uppercut.
Then when I watched

Speaker 1 Slow Motion, I think it might have been a hook. I don't know.
It just reminded me in a very, very junior way of when Clark Gillies fucking broke that guy's face.

Speaker 1 He was pounding this guy so bad, the guy just ducked down, and right as he ducked down, Gillies just went uppercut, and his fist was big enough to cover the guy's whole face and it was like it's like was like he punched a glass coffee table and this guy just went he like straight down like when they pull a building you know

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 and the first time i noticed that that guy could fight was uh

Speaker 1 he beat the fuck out of ralphie torres

Speaker 1 when he was playing with uh

Speaker 1 Phoenix Coyotes. I'll have links to those fights, but that's that's our I guess he is our enforcer now and what's great is he's a fucking unbelievable defenseman, too.
So

Speaker 1 that's it. Celtics, what are we doing? We're doing what we always do.
We beat the pretenders and we can't beat the contenders. That's our deal.
And enough sports. All right, let me

Speaker 1 read a little bit of advertising for you, huh? But evidently, I guess I have to apologize to Meryl Streep, you know, because I guess I preach also

Speaker 1 on my podcast, which is the same as hijacking an award show, right?

Speaker 1 Did Meryl Streep once say, hey, I'm a fucking moron? What do I know? I don't think she did. All right.
Oh, Billy Street. Okay, here we go.
Let's read a little bit. Oh, Jesus.
Here we go, man.

Speaker 1 All right, there's two more reads, and I'm seeing double, so I'm going to take a fucking break here. All right.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 What do I want to talk about here? Oh, you know, I was watching the, speaking of Cadillacs. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Elvis Presley.

Speaker 1 I was watching the Meekum Autumn. Autumn auto spa, I'm trying to open these fucking blinds.
Jesus Christ. Come on, for fuck's sakes.
How hard does this have to be? There you go.

Speaker 1 Shed a little light on the subject.

Speaker 1 I was watching one of those Meekum

Speaker 1 automobile auctions, and I got to tell you, I'm fucking over the muscle cars.

Speaker 1 I love muscle cars like any other red-blooded American, you know?

Speaker 1 Any red-blooded American. I like those fucking cars, but every fucking what it's the same thing.
We got some Mopar power coming up. Of course you do.

Speaker 1 Oh, really? Does it have a Hemi?

Speaker 1 Is that a Shelby? It's the same. And what it basically is,

Speaker 1 it's the same fucking

Speaker 1 like 20 muscle cars.

Speaker 1 What are you going to have? What are you going to have? You know what you're going to have. You're going to have a Shelby Mustang.

Speaker 1 You're going to have the tri-powered fucking Corvette, right?

Speaker 1 You're going to have the fucking, you're going to have a GTO.

Speaker 1 You're gonna have a fucking

Speaker 1 all that Mopar fucking Hemi shit that I never got into. I was never a Chrysler Dodge guy, Plymouth guy.
I like the Barracuda, right? They're gonna have a fucking Challenger.

Speaker 1 They're gonna have a Charger. They're gonna have a Super B.

Speaker 1 They're gonna have the fucking whatever that Z28 was that they only made fucking 10 of them. They're gonna have one of those.
It's the same fucking cars over and over again. And meanwhile,

Speaker 1 here's my question. Where the fuck are all the trucks?

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Where the fuck are all the trucks? Occasionally a truck will come across. Trucks are cool as shit.
And where's all those great old man gangster cars? You know?

Speaker 1 Like the fucking, my favorite one of all time, the 1967 Cadillac El Dorado.

Speaker 1 That fucking car, it just go fuck yourself. I love that fucking car.

Speaker 1 That's the kind of car, you you know what I mean, that you drive when you're either post-divorce or you were smart enough never to get married. Okay?

Speaker 1 And you're successful and you're just fucking driving around and

Speaker 1 you got a stable of bitches and you know they don't give a fuck about you. You don't give a fuck about them.
Yeah, they're pay girlfriends. That's the fucking car you have.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 And this is the thing. And rather than secretly being lonely and empty inside, you're actually fulfilled because you own that car.
You are the closest thing to the most interesting man in the world.

Speaker 1 You know, that's stay thirsty, my friends. You ever seen a woman in his life? You see women,

Speaker 1 women in his fucking life. You know what I mean? You never see him at a fucking dance recital with his fucking

Speaker 1 rug rats.

Speaker 1 Anyways,

Speaker 1 I fucking love that car.

Speaker 1 The most gangster fucking car. And then I also like the 65.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus Christ with the the clamshell fucking open the headlights there, Buick Riviera. Okay?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 at some point,

Speaker 1 that might be my next car. When I drive the jag into the ground, by the way, I sold my Prius today.

Speaker 1 Had that fucker for nine years, man. Poohoo.

Speaker 1 It's great. I never did that before.
I never sold it to just a person. I always traded them in.
And this time I actually sold it to a person. Got the title, did the whole thing.

Speaker 1 Felt like Richard Rawlings, you know?

Speaker 1 What does he say when he fits in? Wow, get yourself some of that, right? Except it was a Prius, and I didn't build it. Other than that, I was just like him.

Speaker 1 Speaking of which, the debut of Gas Monkey Garage is tonight, and rumor has it that the Bearded Wonder

Speaker 1 Aaron is leaving the fucking show, which is,

Speaker 1 you know, that's like Eddie Van Halen leaving Van Halen or David Lee Roth leaving. I mean, it's, it's,

Speaker 1 I am, you know, there's a lot of, I'm interested to see what they do

Speaker 1 with this one. How you're going to

Speaker 1 how you're going to make up for that guy. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 But I'll be tuning in. I'll be tuning in because that's, that's, of all the shows out there, that's the best one out there.

Speaker 1 And there's so many shows that rip that fucking show off and try to capture that formula. That's the best one out there.
And I love the shit that they built. Speaking of trucks, last season,

Speaker 1 they were saying, you know what, we're all truck guys. We're all truck guys.
And I'm yelling at the TV. Well, then fucking make some more trucks.

Speaker 1 I remember that they made that that one for Casey.

Speaker 1 They can count it on one hand. They made the one for Casey.

Speaker 1 They made the Chevy.

Speaker 1 Especially if you get those ones that had the two-tone taint, two-tone taint. Jesus Christ, two-tone,

Speaker 1 two-tone paint.

Speaker 1 I don't even know if I can finish this idea. Two-tone taint.
You know what that is? That's your taint is the normal, your normal flesh color.

Speaker 1 And somebody tries to kick you and the balls from behind and they miss and you get a black and blue mark on part of your taint. Then what you have is a two-tone taint.
All right, two-tone paint.

Speaker 1 Um, they and they did last year, what did they do? They did a uh, like a 1948 or 49

Speaker 1 Chevrolet, uh, and they just went all out with the fucking thing.

Speaker 1 And uh,

Speaker 1 it was, it was absolutely fucking, it was, it was, it was just amazing. It's amazing what they do in that show, and I wish I had their skills.
Um, who knows, someday, maybe someday I'll fucking

Speaker 1 have the time

Speaker 1 to find a fucking 67

Speaker 1 Cadillac El Dorado, drag that fucker out of somebody's backyard and have somebody like that build a thing for me. I'm one of those guys, too.
I would drive it.

Speaker 1 I saw one on, I hate people get those fucking cars and they don't drive them. I got one for you.
If you want to look this up right now,

Speaker 1 all right? Look up 1965 Cadillac El Dorado, $45,000.

Speaker 1 This fucking guy, he's got the best-looking one I think I've ever seen. It has like somebody did a whole body off restoration on it.
It has like fucking 33 miles.

Speaker 1 He got it when it had like seven miles on it, and then now he's selling it with 33, and it's just like, why would you do it? Would drive that fucking thing to 200,000 miles? Unbelievable fucking car.

Speaker 1 But the only part I will warn you when you watch that video, when he starts caressing the leather inside the car, it gets a little creepy. I had to fast forward to it.
He was like, look at that.

Speaker 1 That's fine Italian leather.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 He didn't get that bad, but it got pretty bad. But this fucking guy has got a bunch of them.

Speaker 1 Supersportmotors.com.

Speaker 1 At least he did as of, I guess, two years ago, two and a half years ago, whenever you put this fucking video out. But if I was going to buy one, I would buy one off of this guy.
Holy fucking shit.

Speaker 1 He's got some beautiful cars. Beautiful Cadillacs.

Speaker 1 Anyways, let's plow ahead here. I think maybe it's time to

Speaker 1 do a little. Oh, Trump gets sworn in this week.

Speaker 1 He gets fucking sworn in. And

Speaker 1 I would feel so much better about that guy.

Speaker 1 It's not the racist people that he's putting in there.

Speaker 1 You know, as unsettling as that is, I mean, everybody's fucking racist. You know?

Speaker 1 Well, that's not true. There's different degrees of it, but everybody has it.
Even people who are victims of it, they have it. You look at another group of people,

Speaker 1 everybody's done that. You look at a group of people, you think something like, oh, it's like this.
And then you go over there, oh, it's actually like that. Wow, why did I think that?

Speaker 1 And it all was in your fucking head. You know, I got to do a bit about this.
I was driving down the street the other day, bado badoo, right?

Speaker 1 Driving down the street, and I see this group of young kids. Like school just let out, right? This is not a good sign right here.
I'm driving by a school right when the school got out.

Speaker 1 And I'm caressing my leather. No, I'm driving down the street and these kids are all outside like, it's right around the corner from where I'm playing drums.
Here's my alibi.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, I was playing drums around the corner. And

Speaker 1 it's one of those stores that sells like, you know, all the fucking snacks and shit that you eat afterwards and you get all fucking wired. So I'm driving by there and usually I get fucking annoyed.

Speaker 1 Because the kids are fucking walking across the street. They're not looking both ways and all that shit.
And then it takes me forever to make a fucking left or a right-hand turn.

Speaker 1 Well, this day they were all up on the sidewalk and I saw this movement. I kind of glanced over,

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 none of the kids were white. And when I saw this action, I thought I was watching somebody getting the shit kicked out of them, potentially getting

Speaker 1 beaten into a gang. That's what my brain told me I was watching.

Speaker 1 And when I looked closer, there was like seven kids standing around, one kid looking at a fucking smartphone, and then some other kids just sort of fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 doing whatever, running around in the background. And I was thinking, why the fuck did I just think that?

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 So before you fucking call all these assholes, all these racist assholes, you know, you got to get that shit out of your head.

Speaker 1 I was thinking, why the fuck did I think that? Part of that is from the shit that I see on TV,

Speaker 1 right? I think your brain just goes, once it gets stuffed down, like how to make cereal,

Speaker 1 it just gets it down. Like, okay, just grab this fucking put this in here, and there you go, fucking cereal.
You know?

Speaker 1 It connects from one

Speaker 1 vision to this, this, this, and it's like a mode of like survival, which works, but in that instant, that didn't work, did it?

Speaker 1 I went from that to a couple of fucking ice cube videos, whatever gangster rap videos are in my head, shit that I saw in the news, right? I can't say there was fear, there was no fear.

Speaker 1 I was just driving down the street and I looked and that's what I thought, you know? But I kind of do that all the time. You know, I read a kid's book to my unborn daughter last night, right?

Speaker 1 Supposed to make him smarter, right?

Speaker 1 And I was reading this kid's book. And halfway through the book, I realized realized I didn't, I had no fucking idea what it was about.
So maybe I'm just a moron.

Speaker 1 I have no idea, but seeing how what a flawed fucking person I am, I can't judge,

Speaker 1 I can only judge people so fucking harshly, right? Honestly. I mean, I can trash a fucking Meryl Streep.
I can go off on a Donald Trump, but at the end of the day, I'm a fucking lunatic, right?

Speaker 1 I read a kid's book, and I couldn't figure out what it was about. It was about this fucking caterpillar.
All right, and they were like, on day one, it ate an apple. On day two, it ate two pears.

Speaker 1 On day three, it ate fucking three plums, right?

Speaker 1 So right there, I'm like, all right, this is like reverse Christmas story. Rather than going like, seven swans are swimming, six geese are laying.

Speaker 1 It fucking starts with the fucking tree, the partridge in the pear tree. Now it's moving up.
And it seems to me like it's about eating healthy and food and counting.

Speaker 1 And then it gets up to like 12 or something. And then the thing just completely abandons its fruit diet.
And instead it had a fucking couple slices of pizza and ice cream and all this shit.

Speaker 1 And then it had a big stomachache.

Speaker 1 So then I was like, all right, this is about childhood obesity.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I actually lied that. It never dawned on me that it was about counting.
And Nia was like, I finished the book. The thing turned into a butterfly.

Speaker 1 And I said, I said, the end. And I looked at Nia and I said, I have no idea what that fucking book was about.
She laughed. She goes, it's about counting.
I go, it's not about not eating junk food.

Speaker 1 Because it ate all that fruit and everything was fine and then it ate all that other shit and then it got sick and she was like crying laughing at me.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that has to do with Trump, but I really wish that idiot would get off of fucking Twitter.

Speaker 1 He's a fucking mess. He said about China, it's time to take the gloves off.

Speaker 1 He's doing that George Bush thing where you talk about other countries like you're trying to psych somebody out before a bar fight and nothing gets people more excited. You know what?

Speaker 1 That gets gets morons excited. Like, yeah, let's have some tough talk, right? You fucking idiots.

Speaker 1 He's like trashing SNL because they're doing sketches about him. It's just like, I don't, I don't, I don't,

Speaker 1 he cannot be running his Twitter account. There's no way he's this fucking sensitive.

Speaker 1 Or he has the time to do this. Shouldn't he be addressing it? My worst fear

Speaker 1 is that he's going to become president and just deregulate everything so he can build a golf course wherever the fuck he wants to. Like, that's really, that's his idea of making it great again.

Speaker 1 I hope I'm fucking wrong. I have no idea.

Speaker 1 Having said all that, still, as much as he's a nightmare,

Speaker 1 unbelievably, unbelievable joy watching Hillary lose. Oh, I love to see it.
Yeah, pack your bags. Okay.

Speaker 1 Pack your bags there. Fucking...

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm not even going to say it. All right, let's continue on.
All right. Let's uh

Speaker 1 I'm off the fucking rails here. All right, 42 minutes in.
Can we read these last two advertising? Then I'll do your questions for the week. Um, all right, Helix, Helix.

Speaker 1 Hey, by the way, why don't you guys send those in?

Speaker 1 Send in your, I looked at this, thought it was this way, and then it was another way, but nobody heard me say it, so everybody thinks I'm a great guy.

Speaker 1 And that goes for non-whiteys too, because I know you're looking at us or some other group of people, Koreans or some shit or whatever. I know you're thinking something.
All right. Helix, Helix.

Speaker 1 All right. You're unique.

Speaker 1 And I actually, you know, as much as I'm, I'm not really joking around about this shit, but I think that people have to be able to say that they have those fucking thoughts. I mean, this fucking

Speaker 1 progressive left thing where you have to act like you're just walking around going, I don't see color. I don't care if you're black, white, green, or purple.

Speaker 1 And it's all of those, all of that fucking sing-song-y horseshit.

Speaker 1 Even those people, even those people, like you get them in the wrong situation and the fear comes up, they're going to think something fucked up. They're going to.

Speaker 1 All right. So if you have any of those stories, I want to hear.
I want to hear. And then

Speaker 1 I'll try to guess why you think that way. Okay.
So I'm guessing with mine, it's

Speaker 1 the news and all the gangster rap videos that I used to watch. And I'm old, so that was back when you could actually have a gun in the video.

Speaker 1 And then also, I think I've watched too many of those life on the inside prison things.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? All of those things where you just look at it and go and like, I would last 15 seconds in there. I've watched all those ones about gangs.

Speaker 1 I've watched the ones about motorcycle gangs.

Speaker 1 It's probably my intake of television and YouTube videos. I watch videos of people sucker punching people.

Speaker 1 Bully fails. I watch a lot of violence.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's it. Maybe that's what it is.
All right. All right.
That is it.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's read some of the questions here for the week and then I can get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 All right. Team relocating.

Speaker 1 Dear Billy Brady Balls, my NFL team I've rooted for over 20 years is moving to LA. Parentheses, Chargers.
What team should I root for? Patriots are out of the question.

Speaker 1 Thanks, and fuck the Spanos family.

Speaker 1 First of all, my condolences. I remember,

Speaker 1 Jesus, almost 25 years ago when Robert Kraft first bought the team.

Speaker 1 And he was threatened at some point, maybe it was in the year 2000, somewhere around then, he was fucking threatening to

Speaker 1 move the team to Hartford if he didn't get his own stadium and shit. And

Speaker 1 that really is one of the biggest,

Speaker 1 you know, fuckovers by all of these sports leagues that they get the cities, that we have to pay for for their fucking stadium.

Speaker 1 That's a time when you need a union. If you could just have a, somehow have a union of all sports fans, it'd be like, no, you fucking pay for it.

Speaker 1 You fucking pay for a new stadium, you cunt. You know what I mean? I go to the ice cream store to have to buy a new fucking store.

Speaker 1 When they want a new store, they pay for it, but the money they made off of ice cream. Like, how much money do you have to make? Do you know when I was in fucking Indianapolis?

Speaker 1 Those poor bastards that live out there, I don't know if this is still the case, but when I went out there, when they were putting that Lucas Oilfield deal together, when they were already paying for that, they still had not paid off the RCA dome or the Hoosier dome, whatever the fuck they called it.

Speaker 1 They were still paying for that other one.

Speaker 1 And this fucking cunt made him buy another one.

Speaker 1 Having said that, I guess I can't get mad at the Spanos family if everybody else is getting a new stadium and he wasn't able to blackmail San Diego. You know what? Good for you, San Diego.

Speaker 1 Fuck him. You want a new stadium? Why don't you pack your bags up and get the fuck out of here? But you guys also kind of fucked up the way Cleveland did.

Speaker 1 You can't buy one team a stadium and then tell the other guys to go fuck themselves. That's like in Cleveland when the Jake got built.
And then

Speaker 1 whatever his fucking name was. The fuck was that guy's name? Everybody in Cleveland's screaming it right now.

Speaker 1 Who sounded exactly like

Speaker 1 George C. Scott.
Exact same voice.

Speaker 1 Yeah, he wanted a stadium. They're like, yeah, fuck you.
You can stay in that absolute fucking shithole. And he left.
Say yep. It's not personal, just business.

Speaker 1 I keep thinking Goodell. I'm a Patriots fan.
That's all I think when I think of a fucking asshole. I just think Roger Goodell.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that sucks, man. So who should you vote for? You know what I do? I would say fuck the NFL.
If the Patriots ever left, I would just say fuck the NFL.

Speaker 1 I would be done with it, and I would just pick a college team.

Speaker 1 College football is the shit.

Speaker 1 You know, even though the athletes, college sports are great, but the athletes get fucked over that they don't get paid.

Speaker 1 The fact that they sell out a $100,000 stadium and then fucking idiots, and it's always non-athletic people who say this, oh, they get a free education. Oh, do they?

Speaker 1 Like, they have time to fucking go to class. You're majoring in football.
There's too much money at stake.

Speaker 1 And all these, and all the nerds that don't like the jocks at the college level, it's like if it wasn't for that football program, you would be going to science class in a fucking tent.

Speaker 1 100,000 people are not going to show up to watch you look through a microscope. Don't ever forget that.
All right?

Speaker 1 So why don't you fucking put on your lab coat and go figure out how to make a better football cleat? Oh, Jesus, Bill.

Speaker 1 There was no reason to go that hard, was there?

Speaker 1 Can't we have respect for all of the arts?

Speaker 1 Meryl Streep doesn't. She doesn't respect mixed martial arts.

Speaker 1 Hey, Meryl, why don't you tell us what the arts are?

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, just because there's not a symphony behind it. You never listen to NFL film? That's art.

Speaker 1 The music they put behind it.

Speaker 1 Movie food videos.

Speaker 1 Hey there, Billy Eggwhites.

Speaker 1 Saw this guy's videos on YouTube. He makes food from different famous movies.

Speaker 1 Oh, that's pretty cool.

Speaker 1 In this one, he makes the big kahuna burger from Pulp Fiction, which is pretty basic, but in others, he does some cool ship shit from Chef, one of my favorite movies in the last few years. And Acha,

Speaker 1 the cartoon?

Speaker 1 I highly recommend checking a few of them out. He makes a couple of sandwiches that would give your grill top some great use.
Ah, dude, that's awesome. Thank you.
Look at that. No question.

Speaker 1 Just great information.

Speaker 1 I guess I never tell you guys you can also do that. That's fucking cool as hell.
I will definitely check that out. I have been cooking up a fucking storm,

Speaker 1 you know, because we can't really go anywhere. Every once in a while, I'll take Nia out to the movies, which this weekend, this past week, I saw Moonlight and I saw

Speaker 1 Hidden Figures. And I really like both.

Speaker 1 Hidden Figures, Big Hollywood movie.

Speaker 1 You know, totally did the the job. It was great.

Speaker 1 And then I saw Moonlight, which was also great. And my favorite part of that fucking movie, no, I'm not ruining it.
No spoiler alert.

Speaker 1 Unless you're into cars.

Speaker 1 Which was annoying was there's this one part

Speaker 1 where they're showing the main character and they're not showing his fucking car, but you can tell it's a nice car. I wanted to see the car and then they finally showed it.

Speaker 1 That was,

Speaker 1 I believe it was an 83 to 87 Oldsmobile Cutlass and those were those great two-doors that they had in the fucking 80s.

Speaker 1 There was, you know, the the Oldsmobile Cutlass, the fucking Chevy Monte Carlo, and the Buick Regal.

Speaker 1 Those fucking cars are the shit. And I know a lot of those southern guys redo them and they put the big tires on them.
I don't like the big tires on them, but that's another one.

Speaker 1 That's sort of the poor man's fucking Eldorado. But I love those.
And some of the funniest, like,

Speaker 1 guys I knew when I was growing up had those fucking cars. Just anybody who had a car like that was a fucking

Speaker 1 was a, was a good shit, as they say in Massachusetts.

Speaker 1 You know, and/slash a little bit shady, probably dealing a little bit of weed, maybe had a fight last night. Those are all those guys.

Speaker 1 They go into a bar, and within 10 minutes, they're eyeballing somebody, and then they got to take their chain off because they're going to get into a fight. Remember that in the 80s?

Speaker 1 Dude, take your fucking chain off. We're dogging tonight.

Speaker 1 I think the chain's coming back.

Speaker 1 I think it's making a comeback.

Speaker 1 Anyways, really enjoyed both of those movies.

Speaker 1 Moonlight, I really fucking that was a classic, just independent movie where it was like

Speaker 1 it didn't fucking lead you around by the nose. Like, and here's the next one, and here's the next point.
And here's the next plot point.

Speaker 1 Really good movie. All right.

Speaker 1 Putin, Russian hacking.

Speaker 1 All right, this guy's writing writing about Russian hacking, and he starts, look, is how we start.

Speaker 1 This guy started his fucking,

Speaker 1 he just started his fucking,

Speaker 1 his email to me with, look, he's already wagging his finger at me. Jesus Christ, dude, relax.

Speaker 1 He says, look, international politics between two countries with enough nukes to destroy the earth ten times over is no laughing matter.

Speaker 1 Oh, am I not supposed to joke about it? How come you aren't all over this orange clown?

Speaker 1 I don't understand what this. You want jokes about it? Sure, Clinton was no prize,

Speaker 1 but you're willing to give Putin and an out-and-out gangster a pass?

Speaker 1 Oh, I don't remember him running for president of the United States. What are you talking about? What kind of world is going to be there for your new child?

Speaker 1 Oh, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 I fucking hate when people. What kind of world is going to be there for your kid? The same world that was there when I was a kid, progressively getting worse.

Speaker 1 Like, what is your fucking solution? There's no solution to this shit. You got 7 billion people all running in fucking 200 million different directions.

Speaker 1 It's a shit show, all right? The second we weren't one tribe, it was over. It's over.

Speaker 1 Second there was two tribes, it was fucking over. Whenever we started out, right?

Speaker 1 let's just say that I don't, I don't subscribe that there was a fucking an Adam and an Eve. I think there was a pond and there was a bunch of us that came out of something.

Speaker 1 According to Neil deGrasse Tyson, it was the fucking trees. Other people say it was the fucking ocean.
Whatever the fuck it was, there was a bunch of you.

Speaker 1 Can't have a man and a woman banging and then their kids fucking without having major problems. All right, well, maybe that's why cavemen look like they did.

Speaker 1 I have no idea. But whenever we all weren't sort of cohabitating together, but you know what happened? Is then as we came along, there was no language.
It was just

Speaker 1 and all that shit. Of course, there was going to be fucking arguments, everybody grunting and groaning.

Speaker 1 You know, I have no idea. Like, we were fucked.
This thing was fucked from day one, okay?

Speaker 1 And I've gone down the rabbit hole of trying to fucking give a shit and trying to, you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know, get people to listen to my opinion, which probably has 0.1% of 1% of the information that I need to actually make an even remotely informed opinion. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Look at all those guys on TV who do it for a fucking living, from Bill Maher to Bill O'Reilly, okay?

Speaker 1 Even those guys, as much as they pay attention, are severely handicapped by the fact that they cannot look at Tuck's top secret documents

Speaker 1 to kind of, you know, connect the dots.

Speaker 1 All you can do is watch the fucking news, read newspapers, and try to figure out which one seems to be sort of making sense with what the fuck you're thinking. That's the best you can do, sir.

Speaker 1 So I don't know what you want from me, but I'll continue reading this.

Speaker 1 This isn't like telling jokes to a few millennials in a strip mall.

Speaker 1 It's not funny that Trump and his swamp full of white racist rich men are robbing us blind.

Speaker 1 I agree with that. But you realize that Hillary Clinton in 2008, after the banks went under,

Speaker 1 went and gave them a speech and said, Don't worry, I got you guys.

Speaker 1 Aren't those the same rich, racist white people?

Speaker 1 You know, isn't that the same upper 1%

Speaker 1 that you're talking about here?

Speaker 1 Just saying they are, you know, by the way, the upper 1%, no matter who wins, they win. You understand that, right? The job pays $500,000 a year.
It takes $100 million to get. Okay?

Speaker 1 And then they owe these cunts favors that got him in office. They push shit through.
They deregulate stuff. They look the other way.
They grant them government contracts, all of that shit.

Speaker 1 And then once they're done being president, you watch with Obama.

Speaker 1 He's going to make a fuckload of money going around, air quote, giving speeches, $200,000, $300,000 a night to the exact same fucking people that put him in office.

Speaker 1 That's just them washing their bribe money.

Speaker 1 People with blue ties, red ties, red panties, blue panties, they all fucking do it, except for Jimmy Carter, as far as I can tell.

Speaker 1 He stopped being president and started going around building houses for poor people. Everybody else sits around waiting for their fucking library to be built.
Oh, I'm on my soapbox.

Speaker 1 Give me a golden globe. All right, just saying they are both bad is really dropping the ball.
No, it isn't.

Speaker 1 You have your head in the fucking sand. That's what it is.

Speaker 1 You just have your head in the fucking sand.

Speaker 1 I'm from New Jersey and know several small contractors who were shorted by Trump and couldn't afford to sue.

Speaker 1 Right, and I worked in Atlantic City and he had a couple casinos go under and they got paid dimes on the dollar. I know how that works.

Speaker 1 He's a real asshole that doesn't give a shit about the little guy. He's got the track record.
Okay, okay. And you're saying Hillary Clinton gives a shit about the little guy?

Speaker 1 Hillary Clinton, who only swings by the little guy whenever she needs votes and spends the rest of the time on fucking Martha's Vineyard in her zillion-dollar fucking house that she can somehow afford when her husband has only made fucking at the most 500 grand a year.

Speaker 1 She got paid as a center. What does that make? 175 grand a year?

Speaker 1 They're making less money than some of the fucking top comedians in the fucking world, yet they're worth $200 million. How do you do that? How do you do that legally, sir? Tell me.

Speaker 1 Tell me how you do that.

Speaker 1 Because you're fucking crooked. All right?

Speaker 1 So there you go. And here's the thing about Russia spying on us.
Fucking relax. We're doing it to them too.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, they've shot our planes out of the sky, us spying on them. We spy on each other, absolute fucking lootly.

Speaker 1 You know, that's what we do. Every fucking thing

Speaker 1 that they're doing, we're doing. They're fucking with elections, we fuck with elections.
They're fucking with people in power, putting people in power that shouldn't be in power. We do that.

Speaker 1 They invade countries. We invade countries.
They think they're right. We think we're right.
At the end of the day, there's you and me sitting in fucking Russia, regular fucking people. All right?

Speaker 1 That's it. It's just the people up top that get you all fucking stirred up.
You know, I'm telling you. They get y'all fucking, they're gonna get you.
They're gonna do that.

Speaker 1 They're gonna fucking do that. I don't listen to any of it.
I don't.

Speaker 1 I just sit and I drink scotch and I drink myself into a stupor and I stare at the wall, you know, and I try to figure out why I looked at three non-white kids looking at an iPhone and thought that someone was getting beaten into a gang.

Speaker 1 When I solve that first, then I'm going to move on to trying to solve the world problems.

Speaker 1 When I solve the problems in the fucking globe that is my giant fucking head, I'll move on to that. And you, sir.

Speaker 1 If you're really looking for somebody to solve the world problems, you should probably look beyond a comedian doing a podcast where he says cunt every other word and also says how uninformed he is.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 1 So, you know, there you go. Agree to disagree.
But, you know, if you want Meryl Streep and fucking

Speaker 1 old fucking Billy Freckledhands to solve the world's problems, I think you're in trouble. Anyone can give the lip service and be like, I think that's absolutely deplorable.

Speaker 1 I didn't vote for the fucking guy. Stop wagging your finger at me.
All right? All right. Plants in the house.

Speaker 1 Hey, there, Billy Ficus.

Speaker 1 I want to know how you feel about having plants in the house.

Speaker 1 Growing up, we always had plants and cacti in our house. I think they bring a lot of life and color to a room, and it's fun to water and take care of them.

Speaker 1 I know some people who would never have any plants saying that they bring dirt and bugs in the house. I tell them that it's because they don't take care and maintain them.

Speaker 1 You could say the same thing about a dog saying they shit and bring fleas into the house, but obviously that's due to neglecting and taking care of the dog. So, do you have any plants in your home?

Speaker 1 Do you have any in your home now? Oh, do you like having plants in your home? Do you have any plants in your home now?

Speaker 1 P.S. is a total NFL bandwagon fan.
I'm calling Green Bay to win it all.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 No, I don't like plants in the house.

Speaker 1 I had a plant in my house one time, a long time ago, when I was a complete loner and my apartment looked like I was in the witness protection program. I was seeing this woman, and she got me a plant.

Speaker 1 And immediately I was just like, whoa, hey, this relationship is moving too fast.

Speaker 1 And what she was trying to do was to get me to open up.

Speaker 1 And I remember she got me this plant, and then I had to fucking water it.

Speaker 1 And I kind of liked it. But then I'd go on the road and I would come back and it would be near death.
Just like, you know, hanging down, you know.

Speaker 1 staring at its fucking toes. And then I would nurse it back to fucking health.
And I would end up having anxiety. and then one day it finally died and I felt this just ridiculous failure.

Speaker 1 And it was a metaphor for the whole fact you're on the road so much you can't sustain relationships. You can't even keep a plant alive.
How are you going to keep a relationship or a kid alive?

Speaker 1 It was a horrible fucking experience. So I don't mind having them in my house if they're like growing like basil or fucking rosemary or some shit.
Something I can eat.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm selfish when it comes to plants. Like we got a bunch of plants around the house.
I don't give a a fuck about them.

Speaker 1 I'm like, Nia, why don't we dig these up and put in some fucking avocado trees, some oranges, you know? Something that we can eat/slash throw at zombies someday. What do you say?

Speaker 1 Plus, having trees that grow fruit in your yard is a great way to figure out who's your friend and who isn't your friend.

Speaker 1 Especially during the apocalypse when people come over your fence and try to steal your food, they'll go to the food like moths to a light, and then you can be on your roof and you can pick them off with your fucking, uh, with whatever fucking weapon you have, right?

Speaker 1 I'd go with a bow and arrow. It's nice and quiet.

Speaker 1 Right to the neck.

Speaker 1 It was the water. That was the water.
I mean, the blood gushing out of that fucking,

Speaker 1 whatever you call it, the fucking artery there. All right, plants in the house.
I already read that one. Here's the last one.
Hey, Billy, bitch tits.

Speaker 1 Jesus. I'm a lady, and I listen to your podcast religiously.
I'm 29 years old, and I've had roommates since I moved out of my parents' house when I was 18.

Speaker 1 I have a history of anxiety and depression and I found that in addition to taking medicine, living with people really keeps me in check.

Speaker 1 In two weeks I'm going to be moving into my own apartment and living by myself with my dog. Oh, that's fucking awesome.

Speaker 1 That's the best. I love living alone.
If I had a dog too, that would have been tremendous. Of course, I would have died like the fucking plant.
Right now, I live with two guys.

Speaker 1 The three of us are super close, but we've lived together for three years, and it's time for us to move out of the frat house and into our own places.

Speaker 1 I'm nervous about living by myself because I'm scared that I'm going to isolate myself and fall back into a cycle of depression again.

Speaker 1 I live in Indy, so the weather is shit right now, which doesn't help. In the spring and summer, I play intermural sports, football, and volleyball.

Speaker 1 I'm very much a guy's girl, and I don't have very many girlfriends. I don't ever have a lady's night.
I'd rather sit at a bar with a beer and watch football or college basketball. I hate dating.

Speaker 1 I am straight, though.

Speaker 1 Do gay people hate dating? I don't know. I would love to get your advice for a lady like me moving in her own apartment for the very first time.

Speaker 1 What would you suggest I do to stay social and not sit at home alone watching the Indiana Hoosiers and Downing Coors Light?

Speaker 1 P.S. Tell Nia I said hi and best of luck to you and Neil on the new baby.
Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Oh boy, you're asking a fucking loner.

Speaker 1 I love when I finally didn't have to have roommates and I lived alone. I fucking loved it.

Speaker 1 I loved it. I I talked to myself, I talked to the TV, I had a great fucking time.

Speaker 1 And I guess I was, I had a level of depression there that I wasn't really aware of.

Speaker 1 Well, don't you get enough sort of interaction in the springtime? You play intramural sports, football, and volleyball. Okay, so it's the winter time.

Speaker 1 I don't know. You want to go sledding? I'm trying to think what the fuck he can do.
Is there an adult league snowball fight thing you can get involved in?

Speaker 1 There's got to be something that you could do. If you're into sports, why don't you just join a fantasy league with some of your friends?

Speaker 1 But I think what you are is, I think you're a sweetheart and you're a relationship person. You're just afraid to do it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's why you like having roommates. You don't like being alone.
I'm totally guessing here, by the way. I don't fucking know you, but

Speaker 1 I think it's time to give Dayton a try. You know?

Speaker 1 I would do that. Maybe you're afraid of doing that.

Speaker 1 I think this seems like you need to face a fear and look at this living alone as an opportunity thing and that this is the next logical step to finding the person you want to be with in life if that's what you're looking for.

Speaker 1 So I would

Speaker 1 embrace living alone and how fucking awesome that is

Speaker 1 and decorate your apartment. Don't do what I did, you know.

Speaker 1 have some color in there and all that type of shit, something upbeat.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I would become social.

Speaker 1 I would have people over to your place.

Speaker 1 I don't know if you cook. There's a zillion things you can do.
You just have to make the effort.

Speaker 1 I don't know why you don't have many girlfriends, but it sounds like you do have some girlfriends, so you only need a couple of friends.

Speaker 1 I would open up to your friends rather than some psycho on a podcast, not saying this was a bad move, but it's a nice step. I would open up to them.

Speaker 1 Just say, listen, I'm prone to depression, so I'm worried that when I live alone, that I'm going to become depressed.

Speaker 1 you know if you'd like to swing by and watch a game with me blah blah blah blah blah I would do that I would be open and honest and maybe go talk to somebody about your depression

Speaker 1 so you don't go down that fucking rabbit hole but it's great that you know that you're depressed and that you need to do something about it so that you're way ahead of the game as opposed to where I was where I didn't know I was depressed and I fucking

Speaker 1 I don't know I made a lot of stupid fucking moves for a long time. All right, that's the podcast for this week.
Thank you so much for listening. And I'll post that video of that Cadillac El Dorado.

Speaker 1 It's fucking beautiful. All right, go fuck yourselves, and I'll talk to you on Thursday.

Speaker 5 What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show with your host, Paul Bursey, Bill Burr. We got the Greek freak out there in Beverly Hills.

Speaker 5 And of course, we have Jake the Snake, our injury report guy uh of course i'm getting a phone call which i got to decline i don't know what everybody's calling me so early for and they want your picks paul they want your picks they want my picks wild card weekend started off bad for me 0-2 then we picked it up but uh oh no what do you mean we picked it up

Speaker 4 i called that chargers game you go run the tape back paul

Speaker 4 You're getting to your little breakfast nook there. You run the fucking tape.
That's the one game I picked wire to wire this year.

Speaker 4 yeah okay but i'm not too proud of myself because i also thought the packers were gonna uh cover against the eagles so but i'm just saying my ego was was i thought i was no pseudamas after that first fucking game

Speaker 4 then the wheels fell off

Speaker 5 i was dude the texans surprised me um

Speaker 5 i'll tell you what though I will tell you what. Josh Allen and the Buffalo Bills look like world beaters, and you know where I'm going this week.

Speaker 4 I called the Bills game too. Paul, I not only called, I said what would happen.

Speaker 4 I didn't just say they won.

Speaker 4 I literally said, San Diego, every fucking year, somebody's on an exercise bike that takes a rough, unnecessary roughness call, they're going to get, they're going to fuck themselves. That happened.

Speaker 4 I got to get credit, Paul, because I suck this year.

Speaker 4 I got to toot my freckled horn here.

Speaker 4 And then the Bills, I said that they were going to, that's just going to be Josh Allen running around, taking his helmet off, smiling like fucking Brett Favre in that first Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 You did.

Speaker 5 You called it. You did.

Speaker 4 All right. As long as you ignore all my other picks, Paul.
I mean, I had a hell of a Sunday.

Speaker 5 All right. Well, before we get into these games, we got to shout out Bet MGM.
It's the best sportsbook, best lines out there.

Speaker 5 Bet MGM, guys, if you want to sign up, all you got to do is use our code, download the BetMGM app on your phone, download our code BURR, B-U-R-R,

Speaker 5 and put in $10, minimum of $10 in the account for your first bet. If your first bet loses, you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets if the bet loses.

Speaker 5 And also the first touchdown deal that they got going still, you pick any, and it's a prop bet, any player in any NFL game. to get the first touchdown.

Speaker 5 If you don't get the first touchdown, but in fact, get the second touchdown, you will get your cash back. It is that easy.
We are going into division weekend here.

Speaker 5 And dude, we got to start with the doozy. This is going.

Speaker 4 Can we just for half a second, can you fucking explain to me what happened to the Vikings?

Speaker 1 Oh, dude, that was, hey, that was a rough one, you know?

Speaker 1 Dude, I don't know.

Speaker 5 Is it Sam Darnold? Some people are saying the coach can't win a big one. I don't know.

Speaker 4 Well, here's what I, the best one that I saw was that they didn't spend a bunch of money on Sam Darnold and they're not like locked up like you guys were with Daniel Jones or like the Cowboys are with what's his face yeah and that they have all of this as bad as that was

Speaker 4 and as much as that was like the usual protocol of the Vikings going to the playoffs they were going they were all excited going they got like 70 million bucks to go fix all of these problems

Speaker 4 but

Speaker 4 what the fuck is my car doing

Speaker 4 all of a sudden it was like there's some ghost was stepping on the accelerator oh i'm sitting in my car because fucking everybody's sleeping in the house.

Speaker 4 I don't know. That was like interesting to me, but like

Speaker 4 just fucking every year, dude. I mean, they get all up.
They get their fans all fucking excited, it seems. They make the playoffs almost every year, and then they just shit the bet.
Am I nuts?

Speaker 4 Or maybe they don't?

Speaker 5 No, no, they do. And they were saying that their

Speaker 1 coach.

Speaker 5 Even two years ago, his first playoff game when they won 13 games with Kirk Cousins, he fucking, they had a horrible game against the Giants and we beat them in minnesota and then sam darnold goes 14 and two or whatever and then he had a big game against the lions last week and didn't do the game wasn't good and then they said this game wasn't good so somebody i heard somebody say uh old quarterback uh nfl quarterback goes dude that's not us he goes sam darnold was the fourth problem in that game he goes yeah that's yeah that's i mean And he didn't win 14 games.

Speaker 4 The team won 14.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 4 So

Speaker 4 I don't know, but I did think whoever was doing that take on it, that they had $70 million to play with, because it's going to get better. The wins are coming.

Speaker 4 And I know that's hard to hear and da-da-da-da-da-da, but it's also like, just because you got 70 million bucks, Paul, doesn't mean you know what to do with it.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 4 No.

Speaker 5 100%.

Speaker 4 Yeah, you could get 100 million worth of talent with that 70 million. You can make $70 million worth of fucking mistakes.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 4 I think it's the Herschel Walker trade, Paul.

Speaker 4 I think there's still some leftover from that.

Speaker 1 Sorry. All right.

Speaker 4 I'm not going to derail this anymore.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 5 Lamar Jackson is insane.

Speaker 5 The Ravens are insane, and so are the Bills. And they are facing off

Speaker 5 with the line is one. As I always say, Bill, what do I say? It's a pick'em.
It's one.

Speaker 5 It's one.

Speaker 5 I believe, I believe, I don't even know who's minus one. Andrew, is it the Bills minus one?

Speaker 5 I think it's the Bills minus one. Either way,

Speaker 5 yeah, it's the Bills minus one.

Speaker 1 Bills, Ravens. Ravens minus one.
Bills plus one.

Speaker 5 All right, Jake the Snake. What do we got injury report, buddy?

Speaker 1 Hey, injury report wise, it's not too bad. You know, everyone likes to play for the playoffs.
So

Speaker 1 the one to look out for is Zay Flowers. He missed last week.
The Ravens, number one receiver.

Speaker 1 Hopefully, he comes back this week. And then AJ Brown didn't practice.

Speaker 1 It was kind of the same thing. Like last week, he didn't practice all week, and then he played.

Speaker 1 And then on the Commanders, their best offensive player, Bobby Wagner, didn't practice yesterday. So those are kind of the ones to look out for.

Speaker 1 But it's playoffs a lot of people are playing, you know.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 Hey, Paul, am I crazy? The Bills and the Ravens are kind of the same team to me. Where they've kind of underachieved.

Speaker 4 Like neither one of them seems to be able to get past

Speaker 4 one another or the Chiefs or whatever.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 4 I think that that's why this game is a pick'em because sometimes the Bills look like world beaters and then other times they look like they can't get out of their own way.

Speaker 4 And I know the Ravens have had,

Speaker 4 you know, issues with that during the Lamar Jackson era. If I can just use some fucking

Speaker 4 sports speak there. But historically speaking, I mean, I got to go with the Ravens.

Speaker 4 Historically, because they still have the same head coach, and I feel like it, you know, the end of the day, done to your head.

Speaker 4 I got to go Ravens

Speaker 4 because I just feel that, you know,

Speaker 4 with Harbaugh, he's been there. He's won a Super Bowl.
He knows how to get what he needs to get. And I feel like the Bills.
have yet to figure that out.

Speaker 5 It's funny you say that because i actually like josh allen in this game to get over the hump by one but it really

Speaker 5 let's go up against each other i like the ravens all right i like the i like the bills and uh i think anything can happen in this game i think this is why this game is so intriguing to me these are the only two teams that when one team scores a touchdown, the other one's coming right back with a touchdown.

Speaker 5 This is going to be, I love the over in this game, but this is going to be a great game. I think it's going to be the best game of the week.
Bill's got the Ravens getting one.

Speaker 4 Can I tell you something, Paul? Somebody scoring a touchdown, and then somebody else going down, scoring a touchdown, and another guy going down.

Speaker 4 That's not fucking football.

Speaker 4 That's marketing. That fucking Bills Chiefs playoff game from a few years ago was one of the worst football games I've ever watched.

Speaker 4 That looked like I was watching like Tom Cruise all the right moves.

Speaker 4 It wasn't football. There wasn't any tackling.
There was no fucking defense. Paul, when was the last time a defense had a nickname?

Speaker 5 Legion of Boom.

Speaker 4 And that was all steroids.

Speaker 4 Legion of Boom. It should have said fucking

Speaker 4 their logo should have been Dwayne Reed.

Speaker 4 Just have four of the defensive players standing in line with old ladies at a fucking CVS pharmacy.

Speaker 5 Pharmacy.

Speaker 5 All All right. So Bill has the Ravens.
I have the Bills minus one.

Speaker 5 Here's something that I don't know if you guys are seeing, but

Speaker 5 as much as Philadelphia is doing great, the fact that they don't like, and this is a fact. Oh, I found out from some good sources, but also he kind of says it in the...

Speaker 4 According to my sources, Paul Mersey.

Speaker 5 AJ Brown, well, AJ Brown said it at his locker every week. AJ Brown can't stand Jalen Hurts.

Speaker 5 They don't talk they don't like each other they asked aj brown what's the problem this week and aj brown looked and said the passing game then when they bring up jalen hurts he says no comment and uh your boy pauley has a little source that knows that there's a little that there's a little broken relationship there i don't like that going into

Speaker 4 uh detroit right i mean they got to play detroit is that they play the rams oh they're playing the rams i don't know how much money do they have to pay you that you can get along with your teammates exactly great one exactly jesus crazy he's not giving me the ball enough exactly and wide receivers

Speaker 5 let me ask you a question when is the last time you've heard of a riff or a broken relationship in a team and that team went on to win it all 78 yankees

Speaker 5 exactly

Speaker 5 Exactly.

Speaker 4 That's the first thing I thought of. Billy Martin and Reggie Jackson.

Speaker 5 Okay, that's the year I was born.

Speaker 1 Exactly.

Speaker 4 Oh, no, Kobe and Shaq didn't like each other.

Speaker 5 Yeah, Kobe and Shaq.

Speaker 4 Kobe and Shaq didn't like each other.

Speaker 4 There's a few. There's always an example, Paul.

Speaker 5 There's an exception.

Speaker 4 Hey, Paul, it's better than exceptional.

Speaker 5 You know, look, the Eagles at home against the Rams. That's a tough one.

Speaker 5 You know what?

Speaker 4 Like, who the fuck are the Rams, by the

Speaker 4 They looked like dog shit earlier in the year. Now, all of a sudden, they're looking like when they made their Super Bowl run.

Speaker 5 Dude, the last four weeks, and dude, Matt Stafford looked amazing. Looked amazing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, they've been a victim to the injuries every week, kind of up and down, middle of the year.

Speaker 1 Nobody.

Speaker 4 Sorry, yeah, wide receiver. I guess that's what it was.

Speaker 5 All right, so we're going backwards. We're going from the bottom game to the top game.
Bills got the Ravens. I got the Bills.
I'm going to take the Rams.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the Rams getting six points in Philadelphia. I'm not saying Philly doesn't win this game by a field goal, but

Speaker 5 I think Matt Stafford keeps it close, and I like the six points with the Rams in a divisional playoff game.

Speaker 4 All right, I hate this game, and I hate this spread.

Speaker 5 It is a bitchy spread.

Speaker 4 The Eagles are at home, home.

Speaker 4 Dude, you got me thinking about Stafford now.

Speaker 4 The old grizzled vet coming in there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Won a Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 I don't. Whose coach do you believe in more, Bill? Whose coach do you believe in more?

Speaker 5 Oh, Bill gave him the nickname, Crazy Nick.

Speaker 4 I like Nick. I relate to that guy.

Speaker 4 I think think I'm good at what I do and then also fucking think it's all going to go away.

Speaker 4 I stop short of nodding at the camera when a joke lands, though. I will tell you that.

Speaker 4 You know what? I'm going to go with the fucking Eagles. I'm going to go with the Eagles.

Speaker 4 I'm happy it's on the road with all this fucking shit that's going on out here for the Rams. But

Speaker 4 this game, I feel like that game,

Speaker 4 out of everything that I'm looking at this week, I feel like that one's going to be, I think it's going to be, that's going to be a close game.

Speaker 4 So why the fuck am I giving away six points then?

Speaker 1 That doesn't make any sense.

Speaker 4 But you know what? I don't make any sense. I'm going to go with the Eagles.
Fuck it.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 That's way too many points to give fucking Stafford. That's a stupid pick.
Fuck this, Bill. You've been dumb all year.

Speaker 4 I'm changing it to the Rams.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 1 i'm on board come on down

Speaker 4 all right smash cut to me on sunday why did i change it i fucking

Speaker 5 all right me and bill believe in matthew stafford to keep that game close um all right bill moving to a unbelievably intriguing line this is a very interesting line

Speaker 5 Nine and a half points. Everybody in the world thinks the Lions are going to shit on them.

Speaker 4 The the commanders are obviously rookie quarterback uh i don't know who do you like i love the commanders getting all that point you get nine and a half points in the playoffs i'm taking the points and i'm putting my freckled feet up i think that that uh

Speaker 4 that quarterback the commanders have is legit he's also one of those assholes that even if you cover the receiver he'll unrun 12 yards for a first down and stand up and do this

Speaker 4 it fucking drives you up the wall um and also who's at number 17 on the commanders? That guy's a nightmare.

Speaker 5 Oh, scary Terry, Terry McLaurin, Jesus Christ, what a game he had last week! He did, he did.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 5 oh my god, dude, I was just thinking commanders, but then I'm going. The Lions had a week off, and they're ready for a Super Bowl run.
What to do here, man?

Speaker 1 You're gonna ray Romano on me.

Speaker 1 no.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the Commanders with nine and a half with Bill.

Speaker 4 I was going to say, dude, you've been riding the Commanders all year, man. But for somewhere in November, you got on the Commanders train.

Speaker 4 Even though they're in your fucking

Speaker 4 division. You set aside your difference.
You know, they haven't done shit to you guys in fucking 30 years. So I think you were able to see them for what they are.
All right, here we go.

Speaker 4 What else we got here?

Speaker 5 All right, we're taking the points, and the oh,

Speaker 5 oh, the darling, the darling.

Speaker 4 Oh my god, the prom queen.

Speaker 1 Look at her, eight and a half points.

Speaker 4 I'll tell you, when you have a quarterback as good as Patrick Mahomes, and you're allowed to hold on every fucking play, I got to take the Chiefs laying eight and a half to cover that, no fucking problem.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 5 yeah, oh man, eight and a half is such a perfect number. Well,

Speaker 4 I'm not I would fucking I would put a lot of and I just the Chiefs in the fucking playoffs. It's the only storyline that they got the Lions and they're gonna finally fucking do it.

Speaker 4 No one cares if the Bills are gonna finally do it at this point. You know,

Speaker 4 that's like Sam and Diane on fucking cheers. We all know how the series continues on.
So I think the only storyline they have is, can they three peat?

Speaker 4 If he three peaks does that mean he's better than Montana that's that's all they have and they need to ride that for the rest of the year which means they're going to be getting calls

Speaker 4 as they always fucking do now you take all of that and you have a great quarterback in Mahomes

Speaker 4 Travis Kelsey you know

Speaker 4 You got one of the best tight ends in the league, and he's also in Love Paul. I don't know if you know that.

Speaker 4 That's what I love about a Chief game. I get to watch football and keep up with their personal relationships because that's what I'm looking for.

Speaker 4 There's another thing, Taylor Swift, she sells out those stadiums. They got to keep him there.

Speaker 1 I know.

Speaker 5 I know. Look, there's no doubt in my mind the Chiefs win the game.
There's no doubt in my mind the Chiefs win the game. I'm just saying, is that eight and a half points? Because the Chiefs.

Speaker 5 What's that?

Speaker 4 I said Paulie Two times.

Speaker 4 There's no doubt in my mind the Chiefs win that game. There is no doubt.

Speaker 5 Dude, I'm going to take the Texans with the points.

Speaker 4 God damn it, I like that.

Speaker 5 I like the Texans with the points because the Chiefs have been, the Chiefs got bailed out by a bad snap with the Raiders. They win these

Speaker 5 fucking by a hair. The bucking.

Speaker 4 You can't explain it, Paul. It's almost like something's going on.

Speaker 5 Like, dude, dude, like I said, the officials have been incredible all year, except for the darling. That's where they saved it for.

Speaker 1 That's what they saved.

Speaker 5 I love that you just said, look at her.

Speaker 5 Look at her. Look at her dress.

Speaker 4 The money's pretty split.

Speaker 4 Oh, the money's pretty split on this game?

Speaker 1 50-70% on the top.

Speaker 4 I kind of feel like somebody's going 4-0 this week.

Speaker 4 Somebody's going 4-0 this week, Paul.

Speaker 4 I feel it.

Speaker 5 Oh, that'd be great. That'd be great.
It ain't going to be me, all right?

Speaker 4 Somebody's going 4-0 and somebody's going 2-2. That's my prediction.

Speaker 5 The Texans' line is so perfect. These guys are amazing.
We got to get one of these guys on. Just be like, dude, what do you guys do?

Speaker 5 Actually, I was on Artie Lang's podcast and he had the guy from the win on. And I go, when do you guys know the line?

Speaker 5 And he goes, Dude, as soon as the one game is over, and we know who's playing, we know within 15 minutes what the line is. I'm just like, That's so nuts.

Speaker 4 Um, it is nuts, Paul.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 it's kind of nuts, isn't it?

Speaker 4 What do they have? A quick 15-minute meeting about what's going to happen next week, and then they fucking know everything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 5 They know better than we do.

Speaker 4 Listen, Paul, what are you going to do

Speaker 4 the day the NFL comes out like wrestling did and just tells you this isn't real? Are you going to be all right with it?

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 4 No. Sports entertainment? Are you going to start crying like that fat guy in his sweatpants?

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 4 Stop saying that.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 5 These guys wouldn't risk their lives. I don't think it's fake.

Speaker 4 The fuck are you talking about? They wouldn't risk their lives.

Speaker 5 Dude, these guys get paralyzed, man.

Speaker 4 Paul, people in the mafia got whacked. They still did it so they could have a nice car and a Cadillac.

Speaker 5 That's a good point.

Speaker 4 Yeah, but the second there's money involved.

Speaker 5 That's actually a funny point. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Fucking money involved. They're going to do it.
No, I just think it's massaged.

Speaker 4 I think it's all massaged.

Speaker 1 You want to hear something that...

Speaker 4 Yes, I do.

Speaker 1 You want to hear something that doesn't make much sense here? So I'm looking at the money line bets versus the spread bets for all the games.

Speaker 1 And obviously, if the team's getting points, then the spread seems to increase their percentage. Except with the Ravens and the Bills.

Speaker 1 The money line has 52% of the people betting on the Bills, thinking they're just going to win outright, forgetting the plus one. But 42% are taking

Speaker 1 the one point. So less people...
who are voting or

Speaker 1 betting on the bills

Speaker 1 are taking taking the money line than this the spread than the money

Speaker 1 does that make any sense

Speaker 1 less people are taking the spread more people are betting the money line is that what you're saying more people are taking the spread more people are going

Speaker 1 i thought you said only four more people are taking the money line than the spread which doesn't make sense for

Speaker 1 yeah for a one line sorry i i said it wrong let me let me share this screen let me share this screen here

Speaker 1 very interesting what do you think this means what do you you think this means?

Speaker 4 Jake, I love how you dress down for the podcast. I've seen your weekend outfits when you're taking your ladies out.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 4 Paul, he's like, could you be more humble than Jake?

Speaker 1 No, no.

Speaker 1 He's a humble kid.

Speaker 5 This kid's taking tens out to steakhouses, and then he comes on here and so humble, just throws a t-shirt on.

Speaker 4 I know everybody's into Trump. I'm building a wall, and Mexico's going to pay for it.
That's nothing. Jake the Snake, I'm taking a 10 out to a steakhouse, and she's paying.
And it happens.

Speaker 4 Mastro, sweetheart, bring your credit card.

Speaker 1 Oh, all right, here we go. What do we got here?

Speaker 4 So you see what I'm saying?

Speaker 4 All right.

Speaker 1 Spread 42%.

Speaker 1 Money line, 52%.

Speaker 1 Huh.

Speaker 5 That's weird with the one spread, too.

Speaker 1 It's not that different, though. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 It's only plus 100. That's what I'm saying.

Speaker 5 Wow, but you know what? 58% of people, 58% of people are betting on the Ravens.

Speaker 4 None of this shit means anything to me.

Speaker 1 No. Just a bunch of numbers.

Speaker 4 I'm looking at this right now thinking I'm not passing this class.

Speaker 4 God, I wish this was a class, dude.

Speaker 5 Oh, God, if these were classes in high school or college.

Speaker 1 It'd be the only math class I passed for sure.

Speaker 4 Paul, that's like low-key, one of the funnier things you said.

Speaker 4 Dude, I mean, I didn't do well

Speaker 4 in high school, but I mean, if like sports gambling was a class,

Speaker 1 dude, imagine.

Speaker 4 Paul, you would have given the speech. You would have been the valedictorian.

Speaker 5 I was just going to say that.

Speaker 5 I was just going to say, imagine I'm the valedictorian giving the speech. And I'm like, I used to take the favorites just like you, but then I realized.

Speaker 1 That's not how life is. Paul coming back after he graduated.

Speaker 1 No, and Paul's final line is and in and in the game of life it's a pick'em thank you everybody

Speaker 4 but if you have the right game plan

Speaker 4 he says it again if you have the right game plan

Speaker 4 you can set the odds in your favor

Speaker 5 and guys i'll leave you with this if a good team loses on the road and they're coming home next week

Speaker 5 80%.

Speaker 4 Ladies and gentlemen, gun to your head. Which one of your kids do you love the best? Gun to your head.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 Bill's got the Chiefs. I got the Texans.
Me and Bill both have the Commanders.

Speaker 5 Bill has the

Speaker 5 Ravens. I have the Bills.

Speaker 5 And we both have the Rams. And we both have the Rams.
Matthew Stafford. There you go.
So those are our picks for the division weekend.

Speaker 5 It's going to be great. I think the game of the week, hands down, I think the classic comes down.
I'm going to say this. Can I make a prediction? I'm going to say Bills Ravens comes down.

Speaker 5 I'm going to say Bills Ravens comes down to literally the last play of the game. The last play, the last second will decide that game.
That's my prediction of that game.

Speaker 5 I think it's going to be a doozy. I think it's going to be a classic.

Speaker 4 I think the Bills are going to be in control of that game.

Speaker 4 And then there's going to be a streaker, full frontal.

Speaker 4 He's going to run across the field. It's going to take him out of that game.

Speaker 5 Dude, if that happened.

Speaker 4 Dude, that's one of the things that's

Speaker 4 another thing that 9-11 took away from this country. Aside from a lot of freedoms, was streaking.

Speaker 4 Nah, it was already over. Dude, did you ever go to, I I went to a fucking Boston University theater just game.
This guy fucking ran across the field.

Speaker 4 I remember he was this tan dude, and then like his fucking ass was like fucking as white as my head, running across the thing, dude.

Speaker 4 And I was there was me, all my siblings, and my godfather took me to the game, and we were fucking dying laughing.

Speaker 5 Oh my God, that's so great.

Speaker 1 All he had on was a headband, and he just ran.

Speaker 5 Oh, that might have been the legendary guy.

Speaker 1 I did it.

Speaker 4 No, no, no, it wasn't that guy.

Speaker 4 I didn't like that weirdo guy. The guy was at Wimbledon.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 There was something like what I liked about the streaker I saw was he didn't want to get caught. Oh, okay.
I thought that English guy was a creep.

Speaker 4 He kind of liked being manhandled by the cops with no clothes on. I got creep vibes from him.

Speaker 5 Yeah, he liked it. And he like would smile as they were dragging him out with his like flopping around.
Yeah.

Speaker 4 Naked men can't be smart. You can't smile as a naked man.

Speaker 4 you really got to be running full speed or have a look on your face like yes sweetheart i'm about to put it on you but you cannot be sitting there smiling like you're welcoming them to thanksgiving dinner

Speaker 4 paul we're so happy you came

Speaker 1 uh

Speaker 5 All right, man, look, it's getting sad. We only got two more weeks of this shit, and I can't believe how fast this went.
But I hope people reached out and said, dude, they made some money. So

Speaker 5 as always, guys, we don't have a special this week, right? There's no special, right? Is there a late game?

Speaker 1 No, my late game. That's just the.

Speaker 4 Well, let's talk college.

Speaker 1 Who do you like?

Speaker 4 Ohio State or Notre Dame?

Speaker 5 I can't say I saw enough of Notre Dame, but what I did

Speaker 5 see of Notre Dame was their defensive line was great. But I did watch Ohio State's last three or four games.

Speaker 5 And if the quarterback plays the way he did the last three games, I think that from what I saw, Ohio State looks unbeatable.

Speaker 4 Yeah, they're going through people like fucking hot butter.

Speaker 5 I think Ohio State's going to win because of the streak they're on. And it seems like after they lost to Michigan, they changed.

Speaker 4 So more insufferable fan base. Ohio State or Notre Dame?

Speaker 1 Oh, wow.

Speaker 5 I think

Speaker 1 Jacob's, oh, wow.

Speaker 1 Impossible choice.

Speaker 4 I know, I think it's Notre Dame. The fact that they bring religion into it, they think Jesus gives a fuck

Speaker 4 more that they win the dumb game than Ohio State.

Speaker 4 I mean, Ohio State is just a product of their public school system. You know what I mean? It's a state school.
There's not a lot of bright people in Ohio, but like

Speaker 5 Andrew, what's the line on that game? What's the Ohio State's getting what? A given what?

Speaker 1 Let me pull it up.

Speaker 1 Sorry, not prepped for college here. Let's see one second.

Speaker 1 I see Ohio State minus eight and a half. Yeah, I heard it was eight.

Speaker 5 Okay, yeah.

Speaker 5 Ohio State's given eight and a half.

Speaker 1 Big number.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 5 I remember the analyst said, the analyst said after the game, he goes, I got a feeling Ohio State's going to be a significant favorite so but eight eight and a half is a big number

Speaker 1 well i mean what they've been killing people i mean look

Speaker 4 it it

Speaker 4 it doesn't look like they've been beating people like it's still september

Speaker 4 dude how the did they lose to michigan

Speaker 5 yeah Yeah, that was because the quarterback was doing nothing, which was so weird. I was like, Ohio State doesn't have a quarterback.

Speaker 4 Michigan had no quarterback the whole fucking year and they still lost.

Speaker 1 I don't know, Paul.

Speaker 4 I don't want to be captain paranoid.

Speaker 5 Who do you like, Bill? Who do you like? You like Notre Dame getting the points?

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 4 no, I don't.

Speaker 4 I think uh, I think I know I believe the spread, and I think they're right. I mean, I think Ohio State looks amazing, they do, fucking amazing.
They are as amazing as their fan base is horrific.

Speaker 1 I uh,

Speaker 5 yeah i i say i say

Speaker 5 i'm gonna say this notre dame i'm gonna take notre dame with the points oh state wins the game by a touchdown

Speaker 4 oh paulie you just covered all your bases there didn't you i wanted to hear i'm taking notre dame and they're gonna win the fucking game

Speaker 5 Nah, ever since I started doing this show, I like points.

Speaker 1 I changed,

Speaker 4 I don't know. We'll see.
I just hope it's a good game, dude. Remember that time we went to that?

Speaker 4 Did you came with us when it rained? We went to SoFi for that. Oh, yeah, we bet.
We bet TCU getting the points. How did that work out?

Speaker 5 Oh my god, it was like 35 to nothing at halftime. I was soaking.

Speaker 1 I don't even remember who won.

Speaker 4 TCU got beaten so bad. All I remember is TCU got smoked.
Who the fuck were they playing?

Speaker 1 I don't even remember.

Speaker 5 They played Georgia.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 I remember TCU got one special teams touchdown and we go, dude, one more touchdown. And this is a game again.
And then Georgia, it was like 35 to 7. And me and Bartnick just went to go get a tequila.

Speaker 5 It's over. And it was pouring on my Jordan 3s.

Speaker 4 Oh, yeah, yeah, because

Speaker 4 they have the half-assed roof.

Speaker 4 You know why, Paul? Because it never rains in California, but when it does, it pours. Man, it pours.

Speaker 1 Remember that song?

Speaker 5 Yeah, dude. I come to California two years ago in January, and they said, we haven't had rain like this in forever.
My fucking Jordan 3s was sopping wet.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 5 Well, there you have it, guys.

Speaker 5 And I'm out there.

Speaker 4 You know, I just did a podcast. I just did a podcast that was a sneakerhead fucking thing.
And we ended up going into that store on Fairfax where you went in. Remember that place? Oh, Oh, yeah.

Speaker 4 With all of that stuff, Paul. I swear to God, man.
It was like I was reading a foreign language. Looking at all those sneakers, dude.
They're fucking insane looking now.

Speaker 1 Yes, some of them are ridiculous. They are.

Speaker 4 But no, come on, dude. But Paul, you don't have to back down your love.
You love sneakers.

Speaker 5 Yeah, but I like classics.

Speaker 5 Like, look, I'll take, look, look, this is what I got on right now.

Speaker 5 That's a classic sneaker.

Speaker 4 It's a nurse shoe, Paul.

Speaker 5 No, it's a a door, dunk.

Speaker 4 Paul, nobody's dunking in a fucking half

Speaker 4 guy who dunked in a sneaker like that.

Speaker 1 That's a nice shoe, Paul.

Speaker 5 But no, I don't like can I tell you something?

Speaker 4 Nike has like one shoe and they painted it five million different fucking colors. You guys are like, oh my god, the mac and cheese Jordan Ford,

Speaker 4 the Tirama Su ones

Speaker 4 with a fucking Poco B wears sweatshirt over.

Speaker 4 The same fucking sneaker.

Speaker 5 Dude, did you get the lasagna?

Speaker 5 The lasagna sixes? It's like dripping. The Nike sushi is dripping.

Speaker 4 Dude, if you look at the fucking Kanye West sneakers, that guy, he literally lives in a different reality.

Speaker 1 Those are horrible.

Speaker 4 I don't know, but I feel like some of the great artists of all time would

Speaker 4 be like, I see this guy, this guy's doing something different. Those fucking like see-through

Speaker 4 dinosaur like slippers.

Speaker 4 Yeah. I'm feeling like people buy these.
He's like, oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 A lot of money.

Speaker 1 It's stupid.

Speaker 5 It's really stupid. They collect them.
Nobody's wearing that shit.

Speaker 5 Do you know what I saw somebody wearing those fucking moon boots down the street?

Speaker 4 I would say that the thing that foreshadowed that, the guy in the history of basketball, who had the weirdest looking shoe?

Speaker 1 Oh, man.

Speaker 5 That's a good question. I know James Harden had a weird pair.
And, oh, you know what? I didn't like those Kobe Adidas ones, rest of the side.

Speaker 4 Man, that's what I was going to say. His first one, they were square.

Speaker 1 They were like a rectangle.

Speaker 5 That's that, yep, the Kobe Adidas that were like square on the, on the toe and they were rubbery, those were terrible.

Speaker 4 I don't know, but I look at those now and I go like that. That was sort of foreshadowing all that Yeezy shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 The slippers.

Speaker 4 Not the other ones that he basically took an Afghan and put a soul on it.

Speaker 4 Then there's some sort of barcode. Those things are creepy.
My wife had a pair of those.

Speaker 5 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Remember the Magic Johnson Larry Bird Converse?

Speaker 1 Those were awesome.

Speaker 4 Converse weapons. I didn't like how small Converse logo was on it.
The Dr. J's were the cleanest ones.
The Bob Laniers.

Speaker 5 The Dr. J's were sick.

Speaker 4 Paul, let's not forget about the Bob Cooze

Speaker 4 P.F. Flyer

Speaker 4 Chuck Taylor Masher. He had his own sneaker.

Speaker 4 A lot of people don't know that.

Speaker 4 Paul, the sun has come up.

Speaker 1 Look at that.

Speaker 1 Wow.

Speaker 4 Yep, it's come up. Oh, yeah, dude.
I was looking at the fucking skyline. It looked like a Michael Mann movie.

Speaker 5 I do. I love Michael Mann.

Speaker 1 Looks nice out there.

Speaker 4 It does. It looks nice out there.
God bless all these firefighters out here doing a hell of a job.

Speaker 5 God bless everybody in California fighting that shit. I hope everybody's okay.

Speaker 4 Yeah, and fuck everybody out there who turns this into a political turns everything into a political issue and tries to divide us.

Speaker 4 Paul, during crisis, what does a leader do?

Speaker 4 Brings people together. You don't divide people.

Speaker 5 No.

Speaker 1 Everybody just.

Speaker 4 I do have to say that is the funny thing about Trump. That is his go-to.

Speaker 4 Firing California. That's Galvin News's problem.
And then he's like, Gulf of Mexico. We're going to call it Gulf of America.
And then everybody's like, yeah, let's look at it.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 4 he just walks away.

Speaker 1 That's his move.

Speaker 4 His move is he gets everybody in the room yelling each other, and then he walks out the side door.

Speaker 4 No, I'm the only one who thinks that. All right.

Speaker 1 No,

Speaker 1 that's exactly. It's like some mean-girl shit.

Speaker 4 Hey, Paul, do you hear what Andrew said about you, man? He said that fucking, he doesn't like your red sweatshirt.

Speaker 1 And then you're like, what the fuck is in my sweatshirts?

Speaker 4 And I just walk out.

Speaker 1 That's so funny.

Speaker 4 Nobody brought up, Paul,

Speaker 4 that this city shouldn't even be here.

Speaker 4 You know, in managing this thing, Paul, you have to manage this city that shouldn't be here. You have to manage a net.
This city has been in a drought for 50 fucking years.

Speaker 4 And even when it does rain a lot one year, you still use up all the fucking water.

Speaker 4 They fucked with public transportation because the politicians sold out back then.

Speaker 4 Woodrow Wilson, I mean, where do you find the race relations out here? Where the fuck do you start?

Speaker 4 You start right now.

Speaker 5 That's kind of the same. is that the same with vegas too or no

Speaker 4 dude it's i i don't there's a lot of cities that like through air quote technology they were able to build stuff there but like it's it's finite nature wins

Speaker 4 nature gravity gravity wins you're never going to the gym every day but gravity every morning is pulling you down to earth

Speaker 4 pulling that face down paul geez you look like a fucking basset hound

Speaker 5 oh my god dude But look at my shoulders.

Speaker 4 It's really weird how aging affects your face, but your body can look fine for a long time.

Speaker 4 I think that's nature's way of preventing you from procreating.

Speaker 4 Just like, all right, dude, you can do your bow flex as much as you fucking want, but your face.

Speaker 4 There's no machine for your face at the fucking gym.

Speaker 4 Remember those idiots were fucking biting down on our things trying to get their jobs.

Speaker 1 Dude,

Speaker 4 we are still in the very early stages of the face nautilus equipment.

Speaker 4 I have to think that thing you bit down on.

Speaker 4 Remember when people were fat and they put that cumber bun, that electric cumber bun around their belly and they would just turn it on and it would just jiggle your fucking titties.

Speaker 4 And people would sit there. They'd stand there.
They're not even moving. He thought that that was going to make their belly go away.

Speaker 5 The thing it just rubbed, right? Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, I'm sorry, Paul. Like, Einstein would have already lived.

Speaker 4 He came up with the theory of relativity, talking about the speed of light and all that. Dude, that was the original Billy Mays.
Not Billy Mays. It's a hunk of shit to fucking put on your fat stomach.

Speaker 5 Did you see that guy, that documentary. There's a documentary out right now about the guy that doesn't want to, he wants to live forever.
So he likes everything is down to his science, what he takes.

Speaker 5 And he's like older and he's like in this ripped shape.

Speaker 5 Like his regimen is so exhausting that when what he does by noon, it's like his cabinets just are all of these supplements and he's shredded and he's ripped and he does these exercises and cardio and eats like, dude, and he was just, he's just trying to like, like, not die.

Speaker 1 And it's how old is he?

Speaker 4 I, I i want to say he's in his 50 early 50s and like his here's the thing dude the stress yeah so he has himself in fight or flight the whole

Speaker 4 day

Speaker 4 he's just waking up i must do this i must do that i must do that or i'm gonna die it's like he's fighting uh uh

Speaker 4 a fatal disease like you hear people when they get like some really bad cancer diagnosis yeah this is the guy

Speaker 4 like like so much of your attitude

Speaker 4 like so much of your attitude, like when you hear these people who are fighting cancer and everything, like, so much of it is your mental

Speaker 4 attitude towards it. Who am I looking at? I'm seeing 5,000 people here.
That's a guy. That's the same guy.
That's a guy.

Speaker 1 This guy. That was a robot.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's the, yeah.

Speaker 5 This, this guy, and that he just like, yeah, it's exhausting what he does.

Speaker 4 Who's the guy behind him?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 5 Oh, his son?

Speaker 1 I feel like the stress of all this would just weigh on you. And that's how you go.

Speaker 5 Yeah, what he eats, the supplements he takes, the exercises he does. And by the way, he has to have so much money because his whole day is that.

Speaker 4 Paul, how about this? The fun he's not having?

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 5 no cigars. Guy's not going to smoke his cigar.

Speaker 4 Here's my impression of his friends. Hey, Mike, you want to forget it.
Forget it.

Speaker 4 Hey, Mike, me and some of the guys.

Speaker 4 Yeah, yes. Yeah.

Speaker 4 Yeah.

Speaker 5 Yeah. I was going to have a party.

Speaker 5 Yeah, we're going to have a party. What do you think about Mike? And no, not Mike.

Speaker 1 He ain't got.

Speaker 5 His son's a nice kid. Yeah, but dude, he's not coming.

Speaker 1 Listen, if the party's after 2:30 in the afternoon,

Speaker 5 I mean, he'll swim for an hour.

Speaker 1 Just leave.

Speaker 4 I would actually watch that because I would think

Speaker 4 I find it fascinating in that

Speaker 4 as much as people are laughing at him, dude, like the level of like plastic surgery and the shit that people are doing.

Speaker 4 Like, you know, it's fucking people putting,

Speaker 4 I don't even know what this shit is, but they put filler in their face.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Like, you just put in that, I mean, I guess we're putting trans fats in, so who gives a shit? but like

Speaker 4 to put like

Speaker 1 bondo

Speaker 1 Yeah

Speaker 4 under your skin. It's nothing they say that Botox shit goes right to your brain

Speaker 5 Yeah, it says it goes to your brain and fucks your memory up and shit. I'm I don't know if that's true, but

Speaker 4 Paul, I'm gonna say it probably is. I would say if you're injecting chemicals into your face, your brain is in your head.

Speaker 1 How about you just enjoy your life in moderation and love your family?

Speaker 5 How about that?

Speaker 4 Yeah, and dude, the level of banging that's happened at old folks' homes. I mean, they're having like STDs are going all around.
You can still get laid your whole life, dude.

Speaker 5 That's incredible, man.

Speaker 5 That's incredible. And I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 5 I'm embracing, like, I'm embracing being in a home, not because of that, but like, I was talking to somebody about this dude, playing poker at four o'clock, eating jello, watching your show, lights out at eight.

Speaker 4 You until you said jello

Speaker 5 it was all sounding good until the jello oh dude a nurse a nice nurse comes in gives you a little jello puts

Speaker 4 no no no dude there's no nice nurses at those fucking places those fucking people that take care of old people are evil i got a friend of mine i was talking to her the other day and she was telling me some of this shit that they were saying to her wearing the third fucking nurse

Speaker 4 she has arthritis going don't put me in this position it hurts me and the woman said

Speaker 4 I don't have time for this and walked out.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 5 Guys, I just realized I got to get to the airport.

Speaker 1 We're going to end on that sad story.

Speaker 5 Watch out for your grandparents.

Speaker 5 All right, guys. Enjoy the games.
Those are our picks for the week division series.

Speaker 5 Follow us. Me and Bill are on a few together.
And download our app. Go to BetMGM, download the app.
Use our code Burr. B-U-R-R.
It's that easy. You put $10 in your first bet.

Speaker 5 If you lose your first bet, you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets. And the first touchdown deal is you put any player to get the first touchdown in any NFL game.
And if they do that,

Speaker 5 you win. If they don't and they come in second, you will get your cash back.

Speaker 5 We'll see you next week going into, oh, going into championship week next week, only two games.

Speaker 5 And there you go. Have a good one.
We will see you.

Speaker 4 Well, here's my prediction on that guy who wants to live forever.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 A Jesus freak comes to his door and he converts him. He goes, You don't need to be afraid to die.
Just surrender to Jesus.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Paul, you can have that cheeseburger.

Speaker 4 You can have that cheeseburger.

Speaker 1 God, I hope you can.

Speaker 4 Live in his way and make your way to paradise.

Speaker 5 I hope he gets that freedom.

Speaker 1 It is sad. All right.

Speaker 4 All right, guys.

Speaker 1 Take care.