Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 1-3-25

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in on you. January 1st, 2025.
You know, a lot of people say to me, a lot of people by it, I just mean like one person said to me, I'm just gonna say it's a lot because I'm doing a podcast and I need content. because that's what the world has been about.

We need content.

Because that's what the world has been about.

We need content.

We need content creators.

We need to get these content creators under our creative umbrella and not pay them anything.

And then we'll get all the money.

Does that sound fair?

And then we'll take our faces off of the fucking website.

Someone was telling me that they were like, wow, I can't believe that it's we're already a quarter of the way through this century. What the fuck? And it's like, all But you know.
The year 2000. Bill Clinton was in office.
It was the last year of his presidency. That seems like a long fucking time ago.
Alright. You had the MTV.
What was that show called? Where they did the top whatever. Total Request Live happening people were making music videos people were buying cds that was a long fucking time ago that seems like a long time ago to me i'm not gonna lie to you i'm not gonna be one of these like 2012 seems like a long fucking time ago 2015 all of that shit like uh the last decade has started to fade where I was just like wow man 2018, 2019 didn't seem like that's a long fucking time ago I think it is everybody else is like where did it go? where does it go? I just don't understand where does it go? where does it go? it fucking goes down the toilet that's where it goes you go to fucking work every day you get married you have kids you're just

trying to make it to eight o'clock at night every fucking night that's what it is that's what it is

and you just want to fucking go to sleep and you're tired all the fucking time

and uh yeah that's what happens once you have kids you're just tired

Thank you. fucking go to sleep and you're tired all the fucking time and uh yeah that's what happens once you have kids you're just tired that's it you're fucking tired shit you used to do you don't want to do it anymore and you always have the same reason why don't you want to do i'm tired what time does that start yeah no no i'm not gonna make it what do you mean you're not gonna make it i'm not gonna make it how do you know it's three days through that i know i'm gonna be tired um i hung out with my family all day today it was awesome and uh didn't watch any of the college football uh which i'll get back into you know some of the shit that i saw i watched a little bit on saturday i watched uh penn state and boise which looked like it was gonna be a bloodbath then it was gonna be a great game and then uh penn state took over i always feel like penn state always has some white kid wearing number 44 that is just, you know, he's a throwback.
You can't stop him. Like a Gino Capoletti from way back in the day.
Anyway, I watched that game. Had a good time.
I just picked like one game. And I don't really pick which game I'm going to watch.
It's which game I'm going to be available for. So I did not go to the Rose Bowl this year.
Um, you know, just been trying to speak. Like I said, I'm going to be doing this play in New York.
So every second I have with my family is a precious thing to me. So anyway, I, um, we went to the beach today and it was funny.
I had to, uh, teach both my kids a lesson. So my daughter's writing her name in the sand.
And she's getting down to the last letter. So of course her little brother comes running over, starts writing his name.
She's going, no, no, no, I want to write it here. He completely doesn't give a shit, completely ignores her.
Here's what she's saying, completely blows her off. So my daughter gets so my daughter gets upset she just wipes her i go why don't you write your name over there she's like no she just wipes the whole thing away so i see her she's seething and my son is making like a little sandcastle and i say to her go you're still upset right she goes yeah because i want to go over there and knock i want to kick his sandcastle down and i go well why don't you and she looks at me i go look did he have any respect for you writing your name the reason why he doesn't there's no ramifications so she goes all right tipple this is female brain here she didn't just go up and do it.
She goes, I'm going to wait until he's done. And then she went over there and stood over him as he was finishing it, going, I'm going to knock that over.
And he's going, no. She goes, I'm going to knock it over.
He's going, no. And he's looking at me going, dad, dad.
I go, well, you messed up her name so he goes I gotta wash my hands in the ocean don't touch my castle so he's walking down there my daughter waits until he gets halfway there and can't do anything about it and she knocked it over so of course he screams bloody murder and he cries and everything like that and he's looking at me like, you know, like, what the fuck, dad?

And I just look at him.

I said, buddy, you can't go around.

You knew she was trying to write her name.

And look what you did.

You trampled all over it.

So if you do that, someone's going to knock down your castle.

He's going, no.

I'm like, yeah, yeah.

That's how that works.

So, you know, we had a little fit for a couple minutes.

Then it was over. And then I sat down next to my daughter.
Afterward, I said, he won't step on your name anymore. You know, you can't, like, let people, like, literally walk all over you like that.
Okay? He needs to learn that he can can't do that if he does that someone's gonna you know hit him back or break his stuff or whatever and it all worked out great and halfway in my head i'm like is this like a bad thing to be doing and i was like i don't think it is i don't think it is i think that was like the right thing to do i mean it was harmless just a stupid sandcastle and somebody's naming the sand. But there was like a little thing there.
If there's no ramifications, no one's going to have respect for you. And then also you can't just walk around, as I always use this reference, you can't walk around acting like the first guy Steven Seagal beats the shit out of in a movie.
You know, remember that guy? Just to establish that he's like this like this tough guy you know like you don't already know that with all of his movies right that's what his character is going to be he would always like walk into a bar and there would just be some just random guy you know in the credits guy number one just for no reason at all to be like hey pussy what's with your fucking ponytail? I don't like your fucking shirt. He'd just look at him and he would just beat the shit out of him and all his friends.
And all of his friends. So I have to teach my son that he just can't go around doing whatever the hell he wants to do.
Someone's gonna knock him down or knock down his sandcastle. So I don't know.
I don't know what you I mean I thought it was a nice easy way when the stakes were pretty low even in my son's world this the sandcastle was a pretty big part of his life at that moment but you know he's young um so anyway I uh I had a great uh I had a great couple of days man just had a great couple of days, man. Just had a great couple of days, uh, the last few days of the year.
Chill out. Fucking tired as shit here after the day.
Um, playing drums and guitar and just hanging out at the fucking house and just, uh, soaking in um crushing the glen gary glen ross lines i'm like basically off book for the first section and i'm gonna tackle the next section tonight and um i just want to be as prepared as i can be and then we get then i get six weeks of rehearsal so i mean i think i should you know I'm not saying I'm gonna do a good job but I'm not gonna forget words at least I can do that so anyway but fortunately the cast is amazing so you know I can do the I can be a game manager, get myself a ring. Anyway, how about Ohio State? How about Ohio State? Losing to the Michigan Wolverines.
Your season is a failure. Oh, my God.
I can't believe they have no quarterback. Everybody laughing, blah, blah, blah, blah, rubbing it in your face with maize and blue.

And now all of a sudden you win a playoff game.

You go to the Rose Bowl facing the number one Oregon Ducks and you beat the shit out of them.

41 to 21.

I mean, it was like 14 to nothing, 17 nothing. I was out at some clam shack out there the fucking ocean on the beach and uh I checked the score and uh the first play I saw they deflected a pass and almost intercepted it then they cut to the score was either 14 nothing or 17 nothing I was like oh that's it that's it this is is, no, what the fuck was going on with Oregon?

Like, they were in the Big Ten, right?

Because I'm always going to say, like, they were on the West Coast playing, like, you know, some up-tempo offense up against SC.

But SC's in the Big Ten.

I don't know what the fuck's going on. All I know is they were ranked number one.

Ohio State was ranked eighth.

And they came in there and they fucking and they kicked the shit out of them. Kicked the shit out of them.
Big 10. How about the Michigan Wolverines beating Alabama? Big 10.
Football. Bang zoom to the fucking head there.
So I'm looking at the teams that are left it's penn state texas winner of georgia notre dame and ohio state ohio state has a legit chance they got to be two more teams i think do they play ohio uh penn state i think they play penn state so it's probably gonna be or do they play texas i know texas had a scare with that missed field goal in the end, but they ended up winning a double overtime. Thank God.
Thank God. That fucking job, dude.
Being a field goal kicker, that is the nitroglycerin of sports. It's just like you're the hero or you're the goat.
And I honestly think that more people remember your name if you missed than if you made it. You know? I would think that.
Like, I'm trying to think of the great field goal kickers. Everybody remembers Neil O'Donnell.

Because not even that.

It was like a 48-yard.

It wasn't a gimme.

It had plenty of leg.

It just was a little to the right.

You know, Adam Vinatieri.

Nobody remembers.

Jan Stenerud.

Rolf Bernerska.

Nobody's remembering those fucking names unless they miss.

Vinatieri.

Patriots fans will remember his name. But I think Colts fans too.

I always wondered when Adam Vinatieri was watching the Colts in 2005,

was he sitting there going, what is it about this offense that looks so familiar?

Anyway. Yeah.
Fucking thankless job um so I got nothing to fucking talk about what do you want from me I've just been um yeah basically just fucking woodshedding it um there were a few people that I haven't mentioned, you know, that passed away, you know, when I've been traveling the world here. Well, obviously, Ricky Henderson, I think I brought him up.
But someone who passed, and I didn't even realize it, I think it was because I was in France when he passed, was the original Iron Maiden lead singer, Paul D'Anno. I hope I said his name right.
I never quite knew how to say his name, but I loved all his stuff, all of those albums that he did and the vibe that he brought to the band. There's two distinct eras.
There's the era with Paul and Clive Burr in the band, and then there's, you know, Nico McBrain and Bruce Dickerson. Just really, you know, they still had that Gallup sort of vibe with a lot of their riffs, but it was definitely like two different eras.

But I was just on Instagram and I saw that he passed away.

I was like, oh my God, he passed, what, he died today or yesterday?

Did I just miss that?

I saw that he died in October.

Fucking brutal.

Clive Burr too, man.

With that white, was it the tomaket that he played um it's funny like so many of those bands you know because it was like you know obviously there was no fucking internet or anything to look shit up so you didn't know how to say you'd be looking on the back of the cover unless they had the name under the guy like you didn't know who the fuck was who um for a lot of those bands and then you didn't know how to pronounce the names this is all before like mtv and all of that shit and um so many of the bands that i listened to like when i would go back i didn't even know that they had another singer. Somebody got kicked out or somebody died.
Like with ACDC, I remember like I first I heard of them was the Back in Black album. Then I heard For Those About to Rock.
And then they put out, they re-released Dirty Deeds, which was called something else in Australia. And I'm like, this fucking guy sounds different than the ACDC guy who the fuck is this guy and I listened to him for years before I finally figured out like oh they had a singer before them what was his name and then I would look at the Highway to Hell album and I'm like which one is Bond like I knew who Angus was because he had the horns but I was like which one is Bond I didn't I I thought it was I either thought it was Bond Scott or or Cliff Williams I couldn't figure out who was who I knew who Phil Rudd was and Malcolm looked like Angus so I knew who they were um and it was the same thing with like uh Iron Maiden like their first big album that I listened to was Peace of Mind so Bruce Dickinson was on that was his second second album.
Then Nico McBrain took over for Clive Burr. And then like for years I listened to them and I was afraid to go back and buy their earlier stuff because I wasn't sure if I would like it or not.
And records were like $7.99, $8.99. It was a lot of fucking money.
I had a paper route. I was making like fucking, you know, nine bucks a week.
I'm going to blow a week's salary taking a shot on these albums. So I listened to them for like from 83 to 87, somewhere in time before I finally went back.
One of my buddies was big on, like I was a greatest hits guy for the longest time like I bought Aerosmith's greatest hits but my buddy was one of these people he would buy toys in the attic and then I would listen to it I would hear the hits and then I would always hear another couple like what one of those what are those is that a good album yeah and then like I would sort of like I'd let him drop. And then if it was good, I would fucking go ahead and buy it.
So anyway, I'm going to, tomorrow hopefully I'm going to go, going to get back on the horse here. We're going to keep polishing up the script that we wrote and all of that and going to do a director's pass on it.

Get the shots all lined up for what we want. Get as far into pre-production as I can before I go ahead and do this play.
But anyway, you guys be proud of me. I went to the beach today and I was able to sit pretty far away from my kids and watch them sort of play in the surf a little bit and not get freaked.
They both know how to swim. They're both really good swimmers, but, um, I definitely kept thinking of orcas the way they fucking can come up to the beach, sort of beach themselves and grab a seal and then sort of fucking do the worm to get back into the ocean so i've only thought that maybe 30 times um but uh i did at one point we sat down and we ate i saw something jumping out of the water which was cool i think it was a dolphin um and i know that uh watch season, I think that's March.
You know what's funny? All my years of flying a helicopter, I've only seen one whale. I was flying up towards Santa Barbara and it was right near the surface, but it didn't break and the sun was glistening down on it and it looked like a fucking glow stick almost it was really cool um but anyway i'm going to uh i'm just gonna hang with my kids as much as i can and then like we've already scheduled like i'm gonna have breakfast with my kids every morning when i'm away because that's like the big thing i make i make breakfast for them and stuff um every morning so i'm gonna just be doing like a facetime so i'll have breakfast with them or maybe it'll work better with dinner depending on what time but i'm just gonna spend one meal with them every single day and then one week you know we're gonna figure it out how they can come out and see me and everything so anyway that is gonna and that's gonna be my fucking year that's gonna fly by and then hopefully we're gonna shoot this next movie in like a month um a month's time we're gonna shoot it that's and that's gonna be my fucking year and I got a special coming out in March right when the play starts and all of that so uh I don't know it's gonna going to be a challenging year.

So I think when I'm all alone in New York, I'm just going to do the play and go to the gym, study my French, and just go back to being who the fuck I was before I met my wife. Because I was just like this fucking loner.
I used to just spend the whole fucking day by myself.

I was a fucking psycho.

I would just spend my,

I'm just going to go into that mode

and then accept when I'm doing the FaceTime

with them or whatever.

I don't know.

I'll figure it out.

As you can tell,

I'm definitely stressing out about it.

Like going like,

why did I fucking think I could do this?

This is fucking crazy.

But I'll figure it out.

Anyway.

I haven't watched any Coen Brother movies lately.

I am up to...

I obviously did No Country for Old Men and then A Simple Man.

So I think the next one I have to watch is Burn After Reading. And then I have True Grit and a couple more after that.
So I might pick that up, you know, this weekend. Because there's some movie I want to watch.
Fuck, I forget the name of it. Me and Nia have been looking at the billboards and it just looks funny it's supposed to be good it's like bye bitch or something like that something bitch and it just makes us laugh every time we see it so like we should fucking watch that um oh here's something I did that was fucking stupid do you know I've never smoked weed out of a bong in my life? Ever? I never did because I first of all I never fucked with weed until I was like 37, 38.
It was in my late 30s before I ever tried it and even then I was just always a booze guy. I just wasn't into it.
So I was at this place and they had like these bongs and they had like ice in them and stuff so the smoke wouldn't fucking burn up your throat or whatever. So, you know, it's a Christmas break.
I figured, all right, what the fuck am I going to go my whole life? Never take a bong hit? Jesus Christ. That was life altering.
For a week, I had to sit there and stop myself from buying a bong. And I was like, don't do that.
This is what the fuck you do. You do something, you get into it, and then you bring it into your house, and then you have an addiction.
Just leave it out of the house, and it will go away. It's going to fade away.
But Jesus Christ. Now I know why everybody that I grew up with that did bong rips for a fucking sustained period of time was a fucking burnout.
I don't even know if they were burnout as much as they were just high all the time. They were just walking around in a cloud.
And I was like, that is not a smart way to live life. But now that I've stepped behind the curtain

and been on the other side, I'm not going to lie to you. I understand it.
I understand with all the

fucking shit going on out there. What a nice break.
Just do a fucking hit off a bong and just be like a a insane level of high i mean it was it was fucking ridiculous and i was like i like this i like this a lot i need to never do this And that is to mature me. Because the old me used to be like, I like this.
I like this a lot. I need to do this more.
And then I would bring it into the house. And then I was fucked.
Right? That's what happened with cigars. That's what happened with booze.
It's kind of like what happens with fucking everything with me. So I have i have no cigars in my house i am now back on another 100 day fucking sabbatical ain't happening ain't happening i actually uh didn't smoke the last couple of days well the last day i didn't smoke so i'm actually two days in but um and it sucks i want one pretty bad right now but, I don't have one.
So it's not bad. And then all it takes me is four to 10 days.
And I'm just like, yeah, gives a fuck. It gives a fuck.
This is a smarter way to go. Um, although the bong rip was fucking 10 days ago and I am still thinking about it vividly.
Um, that was exhilarating that was like the uh first time I soloed a fucking helicopter learning to ride a motorcycle first time playing drums live with the band I mean the fucking the first time you take a hit off a bong that's that is is up there. That is fuck.
I'm not going to lie to you. That that is definitely it's definitely up there.
So anyway, I got a benefit coming up. Oh, geez.
I got a benefit. January 7th, a little theater down on Wilshire.
and um sorry I'm

I uh

I'm really excited about this and i'm gonna be uh gonna go do my uh go run my hour somewhere before i do that um for all you young comics out there you always got to do that you can't be rusty and just go do a fucking hour in front of people go down to the club take your lumps shake off the dust if people paid to see you you got to give them the you got to give them the real show you can't give them the uh bedhead how do i do this again show um that's how you lose your following you can't rip people off because you have to understand that your fans are your fans until you fuck them and then that's it you're done and you're done um and that's what the relationship is i am a fan of you as long as you deliver the second you don't i'm gonna trash you online tell you to go fuck yourself but that's the game you don take it personal. That's how the fucking game is played.
I was actually hanging out with a buddy of mine over his house and his dog was so cool. I am like sold on this breed.
He had a chocolate lab and we were drinking coffee and smoking a cigar. Right.
And his wife came home, and the dog had gone on like a significant hike, and this fucking thing just comes walking in and just walks right by both of us and then just goes right into the pool. And I'm looking at my buddy like, is that cool? He goes, oh, you know, does that it gets sometimes it gets a little hot on the hikes and uh then it comes out it shook off and it would not go back into the house even if the door was open until it was dry it just knew better and it was a total fucking love bug but it was a big dog you know what I mean so you could you could like hug it and shit you know I hate those I don't mind little dogs and everything but like you know you lose track of them you know you bump into them you know they're just like sort of like these squeaky toys that are alive I would definitely without a doubt I would definitely get one of those.
So, I don't know.

Maybe talk to my wife about that.

You know, kids are old enough.

She's going to see through me.

She's going to be like, you just want to get a dog.

I'm like, I do.

I do want to get a dog.

Who doesn't want to have a fucking dog?

Having a dog is like the reverse of watching 24-hour news network. Instead of all bad news, you go to all good news, all happiness.
Good to see you. Psyched when you come through the goddamn door.
All right. And with that, there's no ad reads, no nothing.
Oh, oh, wait a minute. Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. There is something that I got to tell you about.
Hang on. Hang on.
One of my favorites. One of my favorites.
Bianca Cristobal is going to be in London everybody Friday and Saturday this week whatever that is is that that's uh the fucking fourth and the fifth um she is going to be at where the hell is it where is in there. Hang in there.
You got to go see her.

Her new hour is killer. Um, there we go.
She's going to be Friday the 3rd, Saturday, the 4th of January. Um, the, the Soho theater, the Soho theater, please go and see her.
She's fantastic. She's doing the work.

She's been opening for me for a number of years.

And she's just a... The Soho Theater.
Please go and see her. She's fantastic.
She's doing the work.

She's been opening for me for a number of years.

And she's just a phenomenal, phenomenal comedian and person and all of that.

You know, I recently saw her run a new hour.

And it's just fantastic material.

Nothing hacky.

Total original.

You got to go see her.

I'm Bill Burr. And I approve of this message soho theater london england uh friday january 3rd saturday january 4th go check her out all right that's it everybody that is the podcast have a wonderful year this year um have a great weekend you cunts and i'll check in at that coyote.
Look at that coyote coming now for something. Oh, there's his buddy, and there's his other buddy.
Oh, there's another one. Fuck.
Five. I sound like that guy.
Double rainbow, man. Five fucking coyotes.
Oh, they're killing something tonight tonight another reason you got to get a chocolate lab you got to get a big dog that's the thing about those coyotes they don't like a fair fight they don't like fighting in their weight class i'll tell you that's wild you ever see fucking when coyotes go after raccoons all of these white white trash people that fucking have a raccoon sitting on your Davenport, splitting a bag of Doritos. If you ever saw those fucking things fight, if you ever heard the fucking noise, they have like a little mini fucking growl in them.
They are fucking evil. I fucking hate raccoons.
I fucking,

I don't like those things.

You know what I don't like

about those things?

They always see you

before you see them.

Have you ever seen a raccoon

that wasn't already

looking at you?

Like fucking Glenn Close

in The Natural

just standing up like, what the fuck? God, God damn it. Fucking raccoon.
They're always staring at you. They're always above you.
You know what I mean? Like some fucking guy that's going to suck at you at a football game. He's two rows above you.
I love how that's like common knowledge. Now people already fucking realize you want high ground in a stadium fight.
Um, people underestimate underestimate though if you can grab the jersey all you got to do is fall back and that dude's coming with you and the great thing is is this the backs of the seats are going to be mid shin so it's going to be an awkward fall if you play your cards right his left ear or right ear in the side of his head is going to hit the road just behind you if you play your cards right um that right there is upper deck jujitsu uh i'm kidding i've never had a fight in a football stadium i never would there's no fucking way there is no fucking I I know it was never worth it I'm not fighting some fucking drunk that looks like he bought half the fucking pro shop to fight this idiot because he doesn't like his dad um yeah whatever whatever the fuck you want to say I don't give a shit yeah okay'm a bitch. I got it.
Fantastic. All right, you go live your fucking awful life and I'm going to get back to my great life.
All right, there we go. Okay, that's it.
And that was a life lesson in there. Started with the beach, ended in the upper deck.
You know, hey, you do the math. You know, like when people can't explain their own opinions, they just say that.
You know, and if you can't figure that out, then I can't help you.

Yeah, bright lights.

Why not?

Why not bright lights?

Yeah, have them on the whole fucking way, you dumb cunt.

That's what the fucking blue light in your dash is for.

Anyway, all right.

That is the podcast.

Have a great weekend, you cunts.

And I'll see you on Monday. hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast for monday

january 3rd 2017 what's going on how are you how's it going oh jesus what to talk about first uh no

i am not a father that's not why this is fucking late all right i just lost all my female female

listeners i was at the rose bowl yesterday that's why i did not record okay i watched a bunch of Thank you. No, I am not a father.
That's not why this is fucking late. All right? I just lost all my female listeners.

I was at the Rose Bowl yesterday.

That's why I did not record.

Okay?

I watched a bunch of college football this weekend.

Right. I watched a bunch of a bunch of college football, got into this huge debate with Jason Lawhead before the Ohio State game.
Dude, I still don't get how the fuck you guys are in the playoff and Penn State isn't.

You know, you guys lost to Penn State head to head and Penn State won your conference championship.

That would be like if the Yankees won the American League East and the Red Sox won the wild card.

And then the Red Sox got to compete in the playoffs to possibly win a World Series.

And then the Yankees didn't. That makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

And he said no i wouldn't i'd be asking why uh washington the washington huskies were bullshit. And he said, no, I wouldn't.
I'd be asking why the Washington Huskies were in it.

Like he would have no problem with the team that his team beat and won the fucking game.

Give me a fucking break, right?

And then what happens?

What happens?

Ohio State goes out and plays Clemson, and they go out and proceed to get

their asses whipped by a bunch of goddamn nerds nerds 31 to nothing clemson just fucking completely dominated them and in the end lie head sends me this fucking text he said i can see blah blah blah blah blah and then i just sent him a picture of Joe Paterno shrugging and said, I didn't see nothing. Maybe that's what part of it is.
Maybe that's why they still don't want Penn State to be in there, you know, because at the end of the fucking day. The end of the day, this guy kind of fucking, you know.
It was a lot of shit going on in the shower there and the guy he fucking didn't say nothing it was so weird about being at the game because i was rooting for penn state yesterday at the amazing amazing fucking game by both teams the quarterbacks they both set like tied or set a zillion fucking records the highest scoring rose bowl in history uh at one point both quarterbacks had four touchdown passes I don't think, I think that tied a record or I can't remember. And then one, the redheaded kid there threw his fifth.
I think he was, I don't know, I was fucking sitting way up there. He threw his fifth touchdown.
So final score was, what was it? 52 to 49. The over underunder was 53 and a half.
So Penn State scored 28 points in the third quarter. It was just a fucking amazing game.
And two things bugged me when I was there, though. Of course, there's always something that bugs me.
Okay, number one. The fucking, at one point, they were showing all, like, the coaches, one of the Rose Bowl, whatever, whatever and joe paterno goes up there and this is he gets a bigger ovation than anybody else bigger ovation than anybody else how important are sports how important is fucking winning a fucking game to these penn state people evidently that's more important than if you look the other way as some poor kid in a fucking shot I mean it's just fucking it's it's unspeakable all right I just fucking I'm stepping away from that fucking program I've always liked them you know I was still kind of rooting for them I was like well you know these kids here the field, they didn't fucking do it.
These other people are they're innocent of all of it. And then they show, you know, they show the Fuhrer up on the fucking.
I was just like, I fuck these people. Right.
But then USC and their fans. You know, USC fans of the classic, you know, all day YOL douches you know what i mean it's it's just so fucking hard to root for despite the fact you know um oj marcus allen oj pre-murders like if they put oj up on the screen you know i wouldn't have fucking well probably i would have just to be a cunt.
All right, I'm a Penn State fan again. I don't know what the fuck, I don't know, what do you do in that situation? Anyways, so Penn State, USC, it looks looking like they're going to win the game, okay? And then Penn State comes roaring back in the third quarter, which, by the way, took like an hour and like 10 minutes.
It was the longest quarter of my my life the tv timeouts were fucking ridiculous in that game i actually said to my buddy i was just like dude you know what this is the most boring exciting game i've ever been to in my life it was like every it was like if you're watching goodfellas and every fucking three seconds somebody just hit pause on it for two minutes that felt like 10 minutes fucking referees standing around they fucking reviewed

everything everything but the fucking coin toss they reviewed that that game was like four hours well over four hours long so anyways penn state comes roaring back fucking usc fans few of them left most of them stayed and uh anyways long story short they end up coming you know that they were down by like,

I can't remember,

it was like 27-14,

that next thing was,

it was,

it was like 27 14 the next thing it was 35 27 then i think it was 35 35 it was 35 27 penn state then 35 35 then 42 whatever 35 then 49 35 and that's right then State, I mean, USC came back and scored two touchdowns, right? And when they tied it, the fucking USC players, just the way they act, their program is the fucking worst. They're the type of program I can't stand.
Like, do you remember the first game of the year when they played Alabama? And when they were coming out of the tunnel, there's a bunch of them acting like they were these crazed dogs at the end of leashes and they were lunging forward. But somebody's pulling them back.
Oh, you guys. Oh, you wait to see what the fuck's going to happen here.
And then they go out there and proceed to get their asses. Whipped By a bunch of goddamn rednicks Red fucking

Alabama kicked the shit

It was like 52 to go fuck yourself

Whatever the fun buy a bunch of goddamn rednecks red fucking alabama kicked the shit it was like 52 to go fuck yourself whatever the final score is and then after all that fucking shit then they just go hey good game good game they just scurry off the fucking field right and then yesterday you see when they win right they win like first of all when they they they tied the game up you know and i would say on some ticky tack fucking uh pass interference calls but like usc was getting fucking screwed earlier they had a couple bullshit it was just sort of ah we fucked you guys twice and then uh we'll we'll fuck the other guys twice okay we'll balance it out here somehow um a couple pass things. So when they scored the touchdown to tie it up with like a fucking minute left or something.
Dude, all the scoring that Penn State did. I mean, they jumped up and down.
That was it. Dude, fucking USC.
They scored in one end zone. This guy with no helmet on runs down the sideline to the entire other end zone.
Like, doing that 300 yell. Like, he fucking fucking scored even then i would have been like dude relax it's a fucking tie game all jumping up and down all up on the benches with their fucking jerseys spinning them around over their fucking heads and it's a tie fucking game and then in the end right um by the way penn state totally played fucking marty schottenheimer ball, Marty ball.
I swear to God, like every time they had a first down towards the end right um by the way penn state totally played fucking marty schottenheimer ball marty ball i swear to god like every time they had a first down towards the end they just written the first play was running right up the middle right near center's fucking ass for no good no yards well we're we're burning out though we're you know we're taking time off the clock they were doing that shit i'm actually i'm convinced that the prevent defense by the way is actually a it's a scam that was come up with by the heads of the leagues that is executed by the coaches to make sure every fuck as many games as humanly possible can come down to the wire so people will continue to watch that fucking thing once again did not work i can't even begin to tell you they just you're just going to give them the first fucking 80 yards. Then you're going to play defense and hope that you hold them to a field goal.
That's a philosophy. And they will just will take away the sidelines.
Everybody knows how it fucking works. And all it does is ensure that on the final fucking three, four plays, the other team now has a chance to win.
You've playing defense you've been shutting them down you've been throwing the fucking ball you've been kicking their ass and then all of a sudden hand up off the middle every fucking time i don't know drove me up the fucking wall so then when usc finally wins it right after letting up 49 fucking points and then they score 52 the second they win it the entire team runs down the field not towards the field goal kicker to celebrate who by the way was doing that stupid dap thing the entire fucking thing trying to get like a sneaker deal like what kind of kicker gets a sneaker deal they get like half a deal they just get it for their kicking foot then the, they give them like a fucking sandal. So they don't even go out and celebrate with the fucking kid who kicked the field goal.
They just run right down at Penn State's band and the whole fan section and just screamed all in their faces. And what's fucking hilarious is that game obviously could have gone either way.
And if they didn't win, they would have been like, oh, hey, good game.

Good game.

Penn State wouldn't have done that.

It was just a completely classless fucking move.

But that's how they are.

You know, it's one of those schools where it's like, well, the coach just doesn't take any responsibility.

He's just like, well, the kids are this very emotional team.

And they like to express themselves.

Yeah, when they win.

When they win. When they don't, they fucking scamper off the field.
It's like that Richard Sherman guy. Whenever the Seattle wins, you mad? You mad, bro? You mad? Right? And then all of a sudden he loses and he tries to be Mr.
Fyre. He tries to be the mayor.
Hey, good game, Tom Brady. Good game.
Everybody's like that showed class. No, it didn't.
Anybody can be classy when you fucking lose you can't talk shit you lost the class act is when you win and you're not a cunt about it um but anyways haven't said that it was a fucking amazing uh amazing game great comeback by uh usc and uh as much as it came down to the wire and there was all those points scored I I have to be honest with you. If I could have fast-forwarded through the last 45 minutes of the fucking, that's how long the fucking game was and how long these fucking TV timeouts were.
I can't imagine how much fucking money they made. The game started at 1.15.
It wasn't over until like, I want to say like 5.45, 5.40. It was it was over four hours long it was like a fucking baseball game it's like this is this is what happened to the national pastime bill you know what was almost as long as you bitching about the fucking game um anyways so we went to the tailgate and um i brought that uh that flat top grill that i got campfire one.
This is not a paid advertisement. Dude, the fucking thing was unbelievable.
It was un-fucking-believable. Lawhead didn't want to go to the game.
He was having so much fun. He cooked so much shit.
We had so much fucking food. We had too much food.
That's why I felt like I got hit by a truck because i ate so fucking much and um we made these hash browns he made this crazy egg sandwich then we had chicken wings then we had fucking steak and cheese and we still had burgers and dogs that we were gonna try to do at the end of the game but i was just too fucking full but uh lawhead was fucking hilarious man he was so excited to cook right i'm back in truck, and he's outside of it. And this guy comes walking by.
You know when they sell those ticket holders? I always get one, right? And he goes, hey, ticket holder. I go, yeah, yeah, let me get four.
So these guys sort of walking up to the truck. And I'm not doing a good job backing it in because the grill's blocking my view.
I'm trying to look around. I don't want to fuck this thing up.
So I had had to do, you know, make a couple attempts. And rather than blaming it on me, Jay starts yelling at the ticket guy.
Cause Hey buddy, can you get out of, can you get out of the way? Let the kid fucking park. And then I just hear the guy going, Hey bro, you got, you got to relax.
And Jay just starts fucking jawing at him. Like he's fucking arguing with a call.
And I just yelled out. I just, I automatically said, Jay, will you shut the fuck up? I go do it sorry sorry about that guy you know he's a little wound up right so we had fucking buy the ticket hold of things the guy leaves and then Jay's setting up his fucking his little uh canopy thing and he's just fucking he's just locked in you know Jay's a fucking athlete so he just fucking gets he's he's got that focus right and as he's setting the thing up like these four people we've barely even established our space are just passing through and then jay immediately is like yeah i want you just walk through the whole area just walk through the whole like freaking the fuck out i said to him later i said jesus christ jay i go you fucking dropped the gloves before the game even started.
What the fuck was with you? And he's like, no, no, the guy's walking right into your tires. Walking into your tires.
People coming through the whole fucking camp. And I just started laughing.
I was like, Jay, you were excited to cook. Excited to cook? You got a little excited.
And then he finally just fucking just relaxed and goes, all right, I got excited. I don't know we i don't know we just we had a great fucking time and um i don't know i i still nodded off a little bit in the first quarter you know i can't get to sleep after all these years of doing stand-up until like fucking uh 12 midnight getting up you know four hours later i'm an old i really felt my age this year man uh speaking of which there was someone at the tailgate i'm not going to say who who was fucking slumped over the truck because they had to go to the bathroom and couldn't so we're like dude we got to take you to the hospital we got to take you to the hospital i'm fine i'm fine i'm fine fucking ends up coming back like 20 minutes later dude i feel great because i think i think he passed a fucking kidney stone or something i don't know what the fuck it was i don't know what to tell you uh yeah so we almost had a fatality lie had almost got a gay misconduct oh that was the bullshit one on usc that fucking uh targeting was that was that that was a i don't know guy jumps in the air he's aiming for his chest and somebody else hits him then all of a sudden the guy gets knocked down where is his chest his head is now where his chest was and the guy was already in the air right does anybody give a fuck all right i will plow i will plow ahead here I also watched the UFC I know this is like an old story at this point, but like everybody else, I watched the Amanda Nunez and the Rowdy Ronda Rousey fight.
And yeah, that was tough to watch. That was definitely tough to watch.
And it was even tougher to watch all the fucking shit talking assholes on like twitter and all the memes you know oh fucking uh you know i've taken naps longer than that i went to get a drink and then it was fucking over and it's just like like all of these people have have fought and competed and won in the octagon and they have the right to talk shit like that it's just uh i don't know why people do stuff like that uh you know if that happens to every champion if they if they stay if they stick around eventually somebody younger is gonna you're the champ everybody's breaking down what the fuck it is you do over and over and over and over again and then eventually you get run down it happens to everybody if it could happen to mu Ali Sugar Ray Leonard Marvin Hagler all these fucking guys their last fight I saw him lose Roy Jones Jr. Matt Hughes George St.
Pierre right I think George St. Pierre might have won his last one but he was all beat up and everything but um and said he didn't remember part of the fight so that's what happens to everybody so of course i text this to my buddy he goes well not rocky or fucking mayweather meaning rocky marciano and it's just like dude all right rocky marciano absolutely but like mayweather i don't know mayweather owes me like 300 bucks in pay-per-view think about that guy all right i'm really going out on a limb here because i don't watch that much boxing i think one obviously one of the greatest fighters of all fucking time but like he's just also understood that final third of his career i feel better than anybody else how to still continue fighting and not take that big fucking knockdown part of it or a lot of part was his

amazing defense but the other is the fucking opponents that he picked you know what i mean that fucking pacquiao fight should have happened at least eight years before i was on his side where i was like yeah he maybe he's on drugs he probably i don't know maybe he is maybe he fucking isn't, but, um, I don't know, all the, I don't. Boxing isn't the way it was.
Somewhere in the 80s it died. That Hagler, Hearns, Duran, Leonard.
They all lost. And they all fucking lost to each other and shit.
It's just like you had unbelievable fighters. Four unbelievable fighters and they all fought each other it's impossible to stay undefeated but um you know when you fucking you know it'd be like if fucking ali fought joe finally fought joe frazier in like 1981 and like one of ali's last fights i think was against larry holmes who then was the fucking champ for like the next four years or whatever his rule until uh i think tyson came along or maybe there's one guy in between i can't remember it's been so long ago hagler's last loss was to sugar ray leonard i mean these guys fought champions right up until the end of their career as opposed to uh you know fighting some guy from england with weight issues you know that one ricky ricky uh ricky hatton i saw that fight i don't like talking shit about fighters either because you know they can all beat the fuck out of me i'm just saying that you know i think it's gonna hurt mayweather the level of guy that he fought in the final third of his career um because i know for one like just i just you know he'd watch his fucking fights the other guy couldn't hit him mayweather couldn't knock him out and he just kind of pooh pooh pooh pooh the whole fucking fight with his those white kitten gloves i'm just like this is fucking boring as shit um fighting not to lose playing not playing not to lose like penn state like Penn State did in the fourth fucking quarter.
Um, so that's, I don't, that's my own dumb opinion. I don't, I don't know shit about fighting, but all I know this is you're a fucking asshole.
If you go on Twitter and you start trashing somebody cause they, uh, cause they got knocked out. Like they're a pussy or you, you were overrated or any of that type of shit.
I mean, some of you probably say I just did that to Mayweather. I'm not.
I'm saying he's one of the greatest of all time. I would never say that the guy is a pussy or anything like that.
I would have just liked to watch him fight a better caliber fighter. I don't know.
You know what I mean? I like that Mayweather-Pacquiao fight. That should have fucking happened in what? 05, 06?

Something like that?

Bill, shut the fuck up.

All right, I'll shut the fuck up.

Anyways, you know what it really is?

Is that Verzi fucking said that Mayweather would have fucking beat Hagler,

Hearns, Leonard, Durant.

Like he would have fucking beat all of them.

It's like he would have beat all of them.

All of them couldn't beat all of each other. You know? I don't know what he's basing it on.
You know what he's basing it on? He's basing it on being born in the late 70s. I just, you know, I'm just an old fucking crabby man.
Speaking of which, you know, I've been working on my anger. I got in the car today to return the pickup truck, and I fucking, I don't know, I made it down the street or around the block before I got into an argument with this fucking woman who just glided through her stop sign in her white Mercedes Benz.
I got a fucking, I got a theory. Anybody who's got a white Mercedes, a white, people with white cars, man.
High-end white cars are fucking entitled cunts. I don't like them.
You know what I mean? They think the cars are classy, right? I always give Versi shit like, Versi loves a white car. You know? They just think it's the classiest fucking thing ever mercedes and bmw they've really fallen the fuck off you know what i mean they just went right down to the bottom feeders anybody with like who can afford 60 bucks a month can lease one of those cars now i'm telling you when i used to see a mercedes drive down the street he used to be some fucking guy like in his 50s who was wealthy or of a bmw even then that was like more like the yuppie guy like i'm not having fucking kids and i'll pour shit in the drinking water just to make another buck you know cook the fucking stock market banker psycho right we were just having rough sex you know that fucking lunatic um now.
Now it's shit. It's like fucking 21-year-old kids.
I think this podcast should just be like some sort of theme of like things aren't the way they used to be, and I'm fucking upset about it. You know what it is, is I didn't have a good breakfast today.
And at my age, that's not a not a good thing you know i woke up and we didn't have any fucking real food the fucking my my frying pan was underneath all the dirty shit from the fucking rose bowl that's in the sink it's like i'm not gonna fry up a fucking egg and uh nia has one of those fucking little kid cereals in there and i was just like all right i'll fucking eat this shit and uh i'm i already had the fucking sugar high and now i'm starting to crash so i'm being i'm being a little harsh on the millennials you know and floyd mayweather and uh people who drive white cars i can admit that in 2017 i can admit that this is the new me the new bill i meditate now. And saying i meditate means i tried it once last week and i plan on doing it twice a day but i've only done it once so far but uh but i've been thinking about doing it you know and uh people have been sending me shit about trying to get over my fucking anger issues and uh yeah that lady like glided through the stop sign and i just I stopped.
I said got a stop sign right there she goes you got one over there i go that's not it it's the other one it's just like you're just a fucking another douche in a white mercedes i i swear to god do you think if they stop making that car people would drive better there's something about people when they get in a white mercedes a white fucking car like you know that cost a certain amount of money that's it look i'm getting upset again just relax bill take a fucking breath you know go outside look at the birds whatever the hell it is you're supposed to do you know somebody sent me this i got i should play it now somebody sent me this fucking video on uh you know how to get over my anger and uh at the risk of sounding like a hack comedian it actually it didn't make me angry it fucking upset me though it really did let me see this here see if i can click on this fucking thing again oh how not to be angry all the time i wonder if i can play this and not get in fucking trouble by some uh some podcasting entity here. if i can turn this fucking thing up here so i i look at this thing right it's a cartoon so immediately it's on my intellect level right here it is this this is what they're trying to say to me i'll try to play this here my minimal fucking um abilities here oh for god's sakeakes are you gonna play it here or what i i hit play i refuse to get fucking angry during this point why won't this thing play oh i know because i'm in this room i'm in this room so the fucking the internet doesn't work oh there's a little spin wheel it's gradually it's spinning around what's gonna happen all i want to do is play this fucking all i want to do room zoom zoom zoom i just want to play this fucking video how does it know how does the universe know when you're trying to fucking do something all right you know what fucking i'm not playing hey look at that i'm not angry anymore because i just gave in because that's basically what this fucking video told you to do it was talking about so and so this is this is the name of the video it says how not to be angry all the time and i would love to read the fucking comments on this thing right it says how not to be angry all the time and it shows this guy it's like uh william or whatever i think the guy's actually name was bill i can't remember you know he likes to read the newspaper and he tells his wife not to interrupt him while he's doing that and then it goes his wife finds this very upsetting so one time he's reading the newspaper and uh she says hey when are you gonna uh you know set the table blah blah blah blah, blah.
And he gets angry and it says William gets angry because he has hope it was talking about how angry people as much as they come off as they're negative they're actually really positive people and was basically saying that they have hope so they present all these different scenarios and they're like at each one of these cell you know he goes to the airport and his plane is delayed he's one of the premier fucking flyers he gets mad he goes up he flips he screams at the fucking lady behind the counter because he is hopeful and it was basically saying that he needed to be a little more pessimistic oh here's the video here's the video it's basically saying you needed to be a negative cunt. Here we go.

Why is it so fucking quiet?

You know what? I can't deal with this fucking guy's accent.

I can't deal with it.

Oh, I know. I had the fucking microphone turn around.

There we go.

Gloomy people, they actually are. All right, hold on one second.
Angry people sound like gloomy types. We certainly don't usually think of them as optimists.
And yet, beneath their gruff surface, they truly are much to their group. I can't fucking, oh my God, I can't fucking listen to it.
Why does he got to fucking over and enunciate everything? Enunciate everything. Give me people that are actually positive people.
Yeah, so basically he goes through all of this fucking shit, right? And he says to be more positive is what you have to do is you have to accept the world that the world is actually a very dark gloomy place and most things fail and most basically most dreams don't come true and uh you know be more of like a realist and like people who you know people get upset people who aren't angry people get upset um when something happens but they get over it way quicker and they don't get nearly as mad and it's basically because i guess they're walking around going like oh yeah why wouldn't this person in this white mercedes blow through the stop sign Of course they do. I guess this part of me, I understand that.
Like I flip out about the moron drivers out here. And I literally say to myself out loud after I flip out in the car going like, yes, Bill, you have established that people out here suck at driving.
When are you going to stop reacting reacting to it and um you know i i i don't think ever i don't think it's because i'm like an optimist i don't have i'm not hopeful that someone fucking you know if they're going to make a left that they that they'll get all the way over to the left instead of sitting in the middle of the lane, and now I have to fucking wait, where if you just were over by the double yellow line, I could have gone around you. You fucking cunt.
I'm not, like, hopeful that they're going to do that. I don't have, like, hope that they're going to do it.
I just can't understand why you wouldn't, because I know that person has been sitting behind somebody doing that. It's like when you're in a long line at fucking whatever and it's moving slow and everybody's yammering with the person on the other side of the fucking desk.
It's like just get up there, say what you want and shut the fuck up. How hard is that? And there'll be a person in front of you looking at you, rolling their eyes like I can't believe how long this takes.
then they get up there what do they do i'll tell you it's a great day out there isn't it they just fucking launch into all of this shit that has nothing to do with what you're doing and it just fucking adds time so i'm not i don't have any hope that people are, are gonna, maybe, do I have hope, you know, I guess I would hope you'd be a fucking, not a moron, and figure out why this seems to be taking way longer than it should, I don't know, I don't think it's because I have hope, I think the reason why I get fucking angry is because that is my default emotion. I think that that's what it is.
You know, I came from one of those families like, hey, shut the fuck up. You sit there and take it.
Right. One of those things, which, you know, if you're not allowed to express yourself, you immediately feel like you're not going to get what you want in life.
And I think that that's what I think that's why I flip out. You know, I flip out because of that know if something starts to go away i don't want it to go um no one's gonna listen to me and i don't have any fucking options other than just sit there and fucking take it so i think that's why i don't think it's because i'm hopeful i get maybe a little bit maybe i'm such an angry cunt i can't say that there's some truth in this video but i don't think the solution is is to just walk around and and and and

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and Maybe I'm such an angry cunt, I can't say that there's some truth in this video, but I don't think the solution is to just walk around, you know, just accepting that people are the way that they are. You know, that'd be like if, you know, you're coaching a team, it'd be like, yeah, you know, we're 8-8.
Yeah, we're just 8-8 next year. You know, I eight and eight again because uh i've i've accepted that this is the way things are um i know a lot of positive driven people and they're not angry people so i don't think being positive is part of that i think i think it's just how my fucking wires my mental wires have been soldered

together i think i probably came into the world i don't know can you come into the world angry

i don't know i don't think you can i don't think you're born that fucking way i have no fucking

idea but i don't know about this video where i gotta now just i just the solution is just to be

like yeah well you know people out here when they make laughs that's how they're gonna do it

Thank you. where I got to now just, I just, the solution is just to be like, yeah, well, you know, people out here, when they make laughs,

that's how they're going to do it.

I mean, I guess if you just do that, then you don't get angry, because all these years of me getting angry

has not made people stop doing that.

It never made the person in front of me go like,

oh, I'm sorry, let me get over.

They just sort of look at me weird as I drive by yelling at them at them looking at me like what the fuck is he yelling at me am i doing something i have no i have a white car how could i possibly be in the wrong um i don't know i have no idea i think um i don't know i don't know what my deal is but i plan on getting to the bottom but at least understand it but i don't think a three minute fucking youtube video with some guy with his fucking you know i think in the united states we like getting like people with english accents to fucking narrate shit because then it just sounds like it's true or smart you know what i mean which is why i think all these uh these english guys have been scottish guys have done well um maybe it's just women like fucking that accent or just like a different foreign accent i don't know like these talk show people you know for some reason that slot that used to be after david letterman you have to get an english or a scottish guy like that's become like that time slot like an american

accented guy cannot do well and that that is the great britain accent time slot um i don't know i don't but i i all i know is i can't listen to fucking i can't listen to this again he's fred he is often furious he's been married to his he's often furious he sounds like he's in that fucking clockwork orange um but i am off often furious his name was fred i knew it was one of my names right um all right what am i doing here let's let's let's read some fucking advertising here 34 fucking minutes into this podcast and i don't think i'm i don't think i'm even remotely a better person what about you guys um all right oh it's our friends here no wait let's let's let's stay on this point here maybe maybe that's what i should i'm gonna try that today i'm gonna just try walking around and what'm going to do is have my eyebrows up a little bit.

I'm going to do that thing that people do, you know, where they make their lips disappear.

Their mouth looks like it's closed, but their lips disappear.

You know, the kind of, hmm.

I'm just going to do that, walk around like, oh, yeah.

Of course, this thing that should take 90 seconds, of course, now it's going to take six minutes.

Yep, okay.

Take my car over to the dealership to get the brake light done.

I mean, I know that I could change out a brake light, but of course you have the screws. They're inside the car behind a plastic thing, and I know when I go to take that thing off that the head on the screw is going to be something I've never seen before and requires a special screwdriver that I could go down or maybe order on Amazon.
And of course, they won't just sell me the one. I'll have to buy the whole set.
And then I'll be like, well, I guess I can pay fucking $35 for a new set of screwdrivers and hope I don't get a ticket over the next few fucking days. Or I could just drive down to the fucking dealership and just pay 180 bucks for a fucking like, look, I'm already getting mad again.
I'm just going to go down to the dealership and just say, yes, I have something that I could totally repair on my car if you guys hadn't put those alien screws in there?

Excuse me, could I have the screwdriver that I need to undo those four screws?

Could I have that, please?

And could I then find the corporate guy

right as he's getting on his jet

who came up with this idea?

And could I please just, I don't know,

just sort of stick it into the side of his neck? I think that would be nice. How does that work if I say angry shit, but I say it in a pleasant way? Ma'am, is there a reason why you're so not focused as you work this cash register? Is there a reason why you feel that you're above a job that you stink at? How does that work? Shouldn't you be so good at this job that I'm actually sitting there thinking to myself, why are you working here? You're way beyond this.
Why are you standing here reinforcing that you're not even good enough to do this job because you think you're better than another job? Is there any way you could open that cash register door and I could grab you by your

ponytail, shove your head into the drawer, and then see how far I could close it with

your head in it?

Is there a way I could do that?

Sorry, guys.

I have to rehearse everything that I'm going to go through today.

Oh, hello, Staples.

No, you cannot have my phone number. I mean, I'll give you a phone number and I will give you an alternate phone number.
Yes, I will. None of these will be true.
Oh, I'll give you a, I'll give you a, you know, my fake email addresses that I give it's, you know, it at aol.com you gotta have a fake one you know it at aol.com that's my fake one and that is a reference to will ferrell in old school frank the tank when they're going frank the tank frank he's going you know it you know it um the fake phone number i give out is a series of area codes followed by the number of five they'll be like what's your uh what's your phone number it's like uh three two three two one two eight one eight five that's what i do but they start to look at you after two area codes. You know, when you go like 310-212, you get that little puppy look, the little cock in the head.
And then rather than saying 818, because they're going to know, I go 8185. So I still get it in there.
Fake name I go with all the time, Russell, Russell, whenever I just need a first

name, what's your name? Hey, what's your name? Russell, Russell, what can I do for you today?

Well, you can, you can start by not asking me personal questions. All right.
That's what you

can do. And you can get some loafers that are, that fit your fucking feet.
How about that? All

right. Did tight shoes.
Um, I'm sorry. I don't want to tell you oh by the way i uh you know i got some video my old buddy cleo and um she seems happy as hell and this is unprecedented this person that i gave my dog to is a dog trainer and um at like the fucking dog whisperer level so which is what my dog needed and he sent me video of something i've never seen before my dog came in and wanted to play with another dog which my dog never did my dog tried to kill other dogs my dog tried to kill another dog when my dog was with the trainer that now has it he's slowly been working with this fucking thing and um it was amazing and the trainer said you know within a week to 10 days they will probably be just like best of friends sleeping together in the sun so that made me feel good because i think she's actually happier um in that environment than she was with me even though you know i miss her to death or what but that made me feel good so there you go there you go i'll tell you that fucking dog has had an amazing life an amazing life like uh literally it should have been over like three different times and it always survives and its life has gotten progressively better.

Thank you. literally, it should have been over like three different times, and it always survives, and its life has gotten progressively better, so that made me feel good, as much as I, as much as I missed the thing, that's cool, it's got a friend, and I got nobody, all right, oh, here we go, let's read a little advertising here, oh, zip, I have no fucking idea what any of that is.
I don't know what just happened there. The origins, like the first comic book.
Do you need to explore the origins of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles? It's all on the internet. Superman, that goes back to the 30s.
There was no internet back then. The internet came out in the late 60s, right? al gore was in his fucking uh his dorm room right he was in there with donald trump and they they both came up with it they should both host a game show called uh what i invented you know it's like to tell the truth and you got to guess right just the two of them just sit there talking shit you know all right i'm sorry dollar shave club everybody dollar shave club delivers amazing affordable razors right to your front door every fucking month so you can get a great shave but razors aren't the only thing you need in the bathroom what about all this shower stuff oh yeah kid you got to wash your undercarriage you know it's an old school thing instead of saying you need to shave you know those older guys hey you need you need to take a shave hey why don't you take a shave take a shave like a shit what are you saying there fucking grandpa all right turns out dollar shave club thought of that thought of what taking a shave oh buying uh oh shower shit all right they just came out with a new line of shower products shampoo and body wash called the wanderer well i'm the type of guy who likes to wash his balls the fragrances are unlike anything on the market they're subtle and actually smell like real natural ingredients oh god there are a lot of body washes out there that make you smell like a teenager this mint and cedarwood body wash is amazing it makes you smell incredible how is that natural to walk around smelling like ice cream and like you just chop some lumber?

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office again. Alright, let's do the reads for this week, and then I'll get the fuck out of here.
All right. I already read the anger one.
Goodwill. Hey, Bill.
Bill loved the podcast. Can't wait for F is for Family, season two.
Thank you very much. Last week on the Thursday podcast, you talked about Goodwill.
I worked at Goodwill for a little over a year, and you wouldn't believe the shit that was donated there. Oh, my God, this fascinates the hell out of me.
I imagine they give you basically everything short of a body. You are totally right.
They just throw all this shit in trucks, but instead of throwing shit in the oceans, wait a second, but they, instead of throwing shit in the oceans, put the trucks in warehouses and let them set for at least three to 10 years so the shit can get a lovely scent of mold over them. When they get loaded, they literally throw the shit on the truck nine times out of ten breaking whatever you are donating no way you know what the shit you know what the shit thing is about donating to goodwill you can bring shit with mold piss shit or anything else disgusting there and they have to take it well then what are they supposed to do with it i I'd put it on a truck too.
Nine times out of ten, they will take anything.

But that one time out of ten, if you bitch and threaten to call corporate and complain,

they will take it no matter what.

Oh, God.

Somebody's got to do a documentary on Goodwill.

When I was there, people would donate trash they didn't want to pay to get rid of.

Couches torn to shit with piss stains all over it mattresses with literal shit on them and a laundry list of of long gross shit dude this is like an expose and i'm taking this all as fact i have no idea if this is true or not they will literally sell anything i got to the point that when people would donate things that were really nice i would tell them they should keep it or give it to someone because it would just be thrown away but of course the mouth-breathing assholes that would donate trash that they that they have to what but of course the mouth-breathing assholes that would donate trash that they have to take dude you're a bit of a mouth breather here you're

you're not speaking in full sentences uh these people are hoarders that you can't even open their car door without shit falling all over the fucking place fucking disgusting the grossest thing that i ever saw get sold was either a mattress with shit and piss stains on it or an antique dildo that had white hair all over it.

Ah, come on, it ah oh come on come on come on people i i can't believe this this is am i getting trolled here is this a millennial is he giving me the business he says i know this is going to sound like i am making myself in this situation what i know this is going to sound like i am making myself in this situation the good guy is this a voice text but i seriously would look at them and be like why the fuck are we selling this this is really wrong they will respond with we have to sell everything to try and make bonus the sad thing was we never made bonus i got to the point where i wouldn't price shit because it was garbage on my last day i felt like grabbing a trash bag from the office go around the building picking up trash then tying it tie it up slap a dollar on it and write on the bag mystery bag or some shit like that and see if anybody would buy it but i didn't dude this is all that was all one sentence on my last day i felt like grabbing a trash bag from the office go around the building picking up trash then tie it up slap a dollar on it and write on the bag mystery bag or some shit like that and see if someone would buy it but i didn't all one sentence thanks bill for the laughs and good luck to you and neil with the new baby um yeah i kind of i kind of get but people just use goodwill because they want to feel like they're being environmentally conscious you know i'm not throwing this out it's going to end up in a landfill or in the ocean and then you just bring it down there and they just throw it out yeah well it didn't take a genius you come down there there's a giant fucking 18 wheeler empty just parked there not like it's dropping off or picking up shit it's it's it's there on its on its legs there's no uh tractor trailer there and you know they just come over there like once a day and just drive that thing away where's it going all right drama queen dad uh dear billy red nose first off i'd like to say thanks thank you thank you i'm a lady oh my god i have a female fan in high school and lately i've been listening to your podcast whenever i'm stressed out or just looking uh for something to laugh at okay now on to the story my father is a middle-aged man with bipolar disorder and likes to blame everything on his mental illness as he calls calls it. I like that you're already taking him to task here.
He's going to blame everything on his mental illness. Yeah, there's no reason to not do your dishes.
All right? All right there, Loopy? He's very dramatic and claims that his bipolar is the reason he hasn't been able to hold a job lately, even though he kept the same career for about 10 years and is now working for a new company. My are divorced so whenever my father can't have us over to visit he claims it's because of his illness ah man that's the greatest there's nothing like a fucking built-in excuse that's gonna be great when i have a kid here in a few fucking days minutes weeks whatever um ah you know i'd love to but my kid my kids uh yeah i can't i got a kid um i don't want to tell him him that bipolar disorder is not a mental illness because he he'd go ape shit on me um is bipolar i don't know i thought anytime your brain was fucked up you had a mental illness i have a mental illness with my anger.
Okay, bipolar.

Bipolar, is it a disease?

Well, let's see here.

Oh, just give me the fucking answer.

Oh, Jesus. Oh, Jesus.

Oh, fuck you. I'm not reading all this shit this is the internet i don't want to expound it on just give me the yes or no is there yes or no.com can you just do that just answer if you ask a fucking it's like i don't want to know why is this blah blah blah yes or no then you have your answer so And then when you go to the bar and somebody says something you're like no it isn't or yes it is yarr it is do you know that bipolar disorder develops with during a person's late teens early adult years do you know i didn't ask that question never trust a fucking doctor with a goatee what the fuck is uh you you know, oh my god.
Jesus Christ. Look at these fucking eggheads.
They all got nice full heads of hair though. I gotta give them that.
Alright. Anyways.
I don't want to tell him bipolar disorder is not a mental illness because he'll go ape shit on me. For some reason, he seems to enjoy making me and my sister feel like shit and makes mountains out of molehills whenever we correct him or stand up for ourselves when he bullies us.
Yeah, don't take any shit from him. He sounds like an asshole.
What's even worse about this is that his bullying always works. He's very manipulative, and I'm scared to see him because of the things he said and done to me in the past.
Every time I'm informed, I'll have to spend the weekend with him um i nearly piss myself with anxiety my question to you is how the fuck do you deal with someone like this i know my dad is ridiculous and uses underhanded tactics tactics to make me feel like shit but for some reason i'm not able to just get over it none of my friends seem to relate to being so terrified of one person like i am of my father. And I would like to hear your take on things.
Thanks for reading this and go fuck yourself. All right.
How would I get past it? Well, this is the hardest thing to do. You have to stop giving a shit about the guy to a certain level.
At some point, you know, if you have a parent like this, you have to look at them and remove mentally that they're a relative. And you have to just say to yourself, like, if this person was a complete stranger, would I be friends with this person? Would I interact with this person? Would I waste another minute in my fucking life dealing with this person? You know, and when you got to ask those questions usually it's like absolutely not this would have been a fucking one and done situation but the thing is is it is your dad so you can't write him off but you have to kind of that's the toughest thing when you got to write off a parent but still interact with them you just got to be like i don't know you kind of have to find the humor in it i think that's a tough one especially at your age um i don't know i would just i don't know i would probably could do some passive aggressive shit where i would just oh yeah is that how it is okay i'll get right on that you know shit like that i don't know what to tell you i would just basically um i would still like what is he gonna do other than get mad he doesn't doesn't sound like he hits you anything so he just mad and he flips out or whatever and just i stop who gives a fuck that's what he's gonna do the guy's out of his fucking mind right maybe he's got bipolar maybe he doesn't.
Maybe it's a disease. Maybe it isn't.
All you know, it just...

Oh, man. guy's out of his fucking mind right maybe he's got bipolar maybe he doesn't maybe it's a disease maybe it isn't all you know just oh man this is tough this is it's fun this is a fucking rough one because it's your dad and the last thing you want to do is then go out in the world and start dating somebody who then treats you like that that the exact fucking thing you don't want and then you end up with that and then you have that same nervousness in a fucking relationship that's all i can say you know what you gotta do you're not gonna be able to fix this guy you gotta deal with him because he is your dad um but the big thing that you can do is in your life is you create a life that does not involve this all right you need to go out and go marry a fucking sweetheart, right? And then your fucking house is great, and it's peaceful, and it's what you want.
And then every once in a while, this fucking tornado blows through, and you deal with it, and then it leaves, and then you go back to your peaceful life. That's all you can do.
As a kid, you really can't do anything about your parents you can't pick them you just get the ones that you get but uh the thing that you can do is create a life that does not involve that and then you don't do that shit to your kids and then you break the cycle then that's it you know but the weird fucking thing is is that you're you're still always going to be in your life you know so that lunatic will then be around your kids. And it's just, it's a, it's a motherfucker.
It really is. But, um, fortunately they, for the most part die before we do.
And then, you know, you don't have to deal with them anymore. So I guess try to find the fucking humor in it while you're dealing with it.
And then think of how exciting your life is going to be, um, by not having that in it. You know? You might want to just Skype with them for a while.
Get yourself in a situation and be like, what? I think the screen froze. Hello? And you just click.
But that's really disappointing to hear that an adult would manipulate a teenager. about his own fucking daughter that sucks so i don't try that but just know that you can go out in the world and have any life that you want to have uh simply by you know you know he's showing you what you don't want all right there you go oh man that's brutal you fuck you fuck up so bad as a parent that your goes out going, I want to marry a man who's the exact opposite of my own dad.
Woof. That's game, set, match.
You fucked up as a father. All right, sister's girlfriend.
Dear Bill the Red Bitch Burr, my twin sister is a lesbian, and she's dating a lady who was bisexual. She was bisexual.
And then what? Then what? Became totally homosexual and went back to heterosexuality. Or is she asexual? At first, we weren't close or anything, but we did get along.
With your twin sister, not the bisexual woman, right? Then about a year ago, we ran into each other at a club. Oh, no, you're talking about the bisexual lady.
My sister is a lesbian, and she was dating a lady who was bisexual. First, we weren't close or anything, but we got along.
I'm assuming you're talking about the bisexual lady. Then about a year ago, we ran into each other at a downtown club.
We had a few drinks. Oh, Jesus.
We have a few drinks. Just start talking about random stuff.
she came back she's gonna try to fucking she can try to finger bang the whole family here until a friend of mine invited us to a party at some guy's house we went and had a lot more to drink and then one thing led to another what what does anything good ever come after and then you know one thing led to another that's when you're fast forwarding through something a piece of shit thing you did or something you're embarrassed of. then, you know, one thing led to another.

That's when you're fast-forwarding through a piece of shit thing you did or something you're embarrassed of.

Hey, you know, one thing led to another.

No one ever talks about fucking, hey, how did you hit that winning game shot?

Well, they inbounded the ball, and one thing led to another.

And, you know, I hit the shot to win the championship.

You will tell every fucking detail. I was running down the court With every step I could feel my heartbeat I knew somebody had to step up And I knew that someone was gonna be me Right? That's how you tell it When you did some good shit You did some bad shit Yeah, one thing led to another And the guy was on the ground And he wasn't breathing So I don't know what happened Okay one thing led to another We ended up having sex The next day we came We came to and both felt horrible About what happened You both came to I just pictured that fucking You know Take my picture smack my bitch up.
Remember that?

Madonna was in the background going, oh.

She was singing like the fucking opening to Star Trek.

The next day we came to and both felt horribly about what happened.

She then told my sister that she slept with the man

but didn't tell her it was me.

Oh, wait, you're a guy.

I thought this was a lady. Oh, okay, okay.
Bisexual, I don't know. All right, wait a minute, wait a minute.
All right, your twin sister is a lesbian. She's dating the ladies, bisexual, yada, yada.
At first, we weren't close or anything, but we got along. Okay, and then you ran into her and you fucked you fucked your fucking sister's girlfriend no wonder you went with one thing led to another then we came to like you were both drugged oh these are classic you feel horrible about this sir or you don't and uh but you want to get away with it so you're blowing through the details well this is very this is very underwritten for what the fuck has just gone down here jesus christ uh she then told my sister that she slept with a man but didn't tell her it was me Dude, this chick is a psycho.
For the past year, I've been torn up about it.

I need your unbiased style of advice. Should I tell my sister that it was me or not? Thanks.
P.S. Come to blah blah blah.
I would love to see you again. Dude, no.
Don't say a... You die with that secret.
Die with that secret and hope that woman fades away. And then if it ever comes back around, she said it was you.
And just be like, it was. The fire didn't want to tell me a couple of drinks.
One thing led to another. I wouldn't say a fucking word.
Don't say a fucking word. The fly The fly in the ointment here is this bisexual lady, okay? She's jumping all over the fence.
She's fucking sisters. She's fucking brothers.
And she's fucking white people. No, I'm kidding.
She's fucking two people. She's the fly in the fucking ointment, okay? She said this shit.
I don't know why she's doing that. This is like, this is, she's like Glenn close.

Um,

in, in,

in fatal attraction.

If she fucked both Michael Douglas and the hottie he was married to and the rabbit.

Okay.

Just fuck this lady.

Just,

you know,

you just sit tight.

Okay.

This is like,

you're in a sub and you cut the engines and you're just hoping that they're not going to start dropping death charges.

You just hope you get through it.

Sometimes in life, you just shut the fuck up.

This is one.

I wouldn't say anything.

Okay?

And if she brings it up, yeah, you slept with her?

I would just, I mean, what are you going to do?

This is the thing.

You just, this lady's out of her fucking mind.

There's no way your sister's going to end up with her. Okay? There's no way she's going to end up with her.
All right? This woman's out of her fucking mind. So she's eventually going to fade away.
All you have to do is just hope that when it comes time for the breakup, that the crazy bitch is breaking up with your sister. Because if your sister goes to break up with her in that highly emotional moment, she might drop the bomb.
Okay? And then you just got to play it like, she said, what? No, that never happened. She's just, you were just breaking up, she said, that's why.
She was saying it, because you're broken. And then she walks to the room, you're like, all right all right i did it because one thing led to another all right call my pants down a billy blue lungs i don't know what that means i'm 24 years old and i'm dating a woman that is 34 years old uh all right so you're fucking an older lady you're not dating come on what are you gonna do? Are you going to have your first kid with her when she's like 96? We've been dating for close to three years now, and I couldn't be happier.
We recently bought a house. Oh, Jesus.
You're 24. You're dating a 34-year-old, and you bought a house with her.
Recently bought a house. I would be nervous if this was flipped and the guy was 34.
It was a 24-year-old. He's still a wild horse, man man you got to run out on the range um we recently bought a house and it finally came time to put down the down payment on the house and all that extra stuff i'm going to be honest i had ego issues on the down payment she knows my financial status and she was cool with it but i just wanted to provide more because she does so much for me so i dropped my car insurance without her knowing to give her the extra money even though she said I didn't need to I felt like what sort of man would I be if I didn't contribute my part so my luck has it I got into a car accident literally two weeks after I dropped my car insurance I'm between a rock and a hard place now we want to start a family but i'm guessing

my license would be suspended for a year a lot of burden will be put upon her now that i'm i'm assuming my license will be suspended for some time bill and me if you could do me a solid on this one that would be great p.s long time listener first time email oh jesus what are you what are you asking me like yeah you're fucked you are fucked i agree with that um well i um in life sometimes you learn a hard lesson sir and you're learning one right now i'm sorry i don't know what to tell you you're with this woman i mean the solution you what you learned is the solution is not doing what you did you don't expose yourself to that type of a liability um you didn't really ask me a question uh all right so you love this person you you want to start a family that's all good and you fucked up uh i would i guess if you haven't told her i would come clean tell her what you did why you did it say you're sorry and uh and i don't know what you but if you're 24 and you want to be able to provide she's 34 and you're gonna get married you're gonna start a family i don't know'll be able to provide. You got to get your career going, I would think.
So that would be my biggest concern. Once I find out what the judgment against me is going to be.
But here's the deal, dude. She's 34, you're 24.
She should be making more money than you. She should have more money than you.
Her life should be further down there. You know, you can't try to catch up to a 34 year old.
All all right because the only way for you to do it is to do what you just did and you end up fucking yourself over and in the long run you fuck her over too so um you have to respect the fact that you're the age you're at you're at and uh i would try to figure out what the fuck i wanted to do with my life and i would try to get that going, and I would hope that there would be a bus close by that I could take to get me to that because I think you're going to get fucked here. Sorry to say that, but yeah, my advice would be to stop trying to measure up to a 34-year-old.
Just be 24. All right? I hope that helped you out, but that's all I got.
Sorry. Okay that's the podcast for this week all right that's it that's it uh go fuck yourselves and i'll check in on you on uh on thursday congratulations to usc congratulations to clemson alabama oh nilly we're gonna see who's gonna fucking win that one.
And NFL playoffs. Playoffs are coming.

Bruins had a nice two-game win streak over the Sabres.

And then we fucking lost yesterday.

I missed that game.

Got fucking smoked three to nothing.

Who do we play?

Played fucking the Carolina Hurricanes.

That's it.

Hey, everybody, the holidays are over.

It's a brand new fucking year.

Don't deal with bipolar people. All right? If you're you're gonna make a left get over towards a double line uh don't liquidate your fucking insurance so uh you can try to fucking bang a 40 year old and uh i think that's it yeah if you bang your uh lesbian sister's girlfriend keep your fucking mouth shut.
All right. Talk to you on Thursday.
What's up, everybody? Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL edition. I can't believe I'm saying this for week 18.
Oh, my God. It's over.
The regular season is over. It flew by, but we got one more week to go.
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stack back in cash. Guys, I'm not going to lie to you.
I'm usually humble when I go 4-0, but the one pick that I liked, Bill, and it killed our draft pick was I took the Giants getting seven and a half and i said i think they're gonna lose but cover and they fucking outright won and lost the first yeah but i gotta tell you dude the first round pick though historically it's true you know what i mean it seems like it's two, three guys a decade that come through. And then also, you know, that's being the number one obvious choice at quarterback is a blessing and a curse.
You get a bunch of money and then you go to a team with no offensive line. And, you know, worst case scenario is RG3.
Best case scenario is Elway or eli being like i'm not playing for these guys um so i don't know dude like this there's been a bunch of guys i i i think that'd be an interesting stat are there more people in the first round in the teens that that ended up being hall of famers of those first guys because there's a a lot of busted quarterback, which, you know, I don't know. Obviously, I'm not always putting on the quarterback.
It's a team you go to. There's a lot of busts.
What about like the third round pick? They pick a left tackle. You know, you got to get somebody in here to protect our guy like those guys or a defensive end.
I've seen a lot of those guys um not pan out so I don't think you know this whole idea that if you get the number one pick in the draft you know you've got a Super Bowl coming in the next four or five years it's a little overrated it's just exciting for the fans because you get to pick whoever you want yeah and historically you historically, you're right, because the last, like, sure shot was Andrew Luck. And, like, think about how long ago that was.
They were like, this guy is, like, ready. And they were right.
He was great. But then, like, that doesn't happen a lot.
So you're right about that. Then he was too smart to keep playing football.
He was like, I'm done, dude. Yeah, I got my money.
I'm out. I can go do computer programming.
I think he was just a smart guy. And he went to some of these old NFL events and he just saw what he was going to be walking like and talking like.
I mean, it's fucking brutal. He's like an engineer or a scientist like he's like ridiculously.
So this is brutal, by the way. Last week I brought up the name Virgil Livers.
I had never even heard of that. Said he had the Joe Theismann of testicle injuries.
And it's not even close. Like Joe Theismann, anybody in the world would take what happened to Joe Theismann versus Virgil Livers.
He wasn't wearing a cup. And some guy landed on one of his balls with his knee and it exploded.
Like what kind of pain is that dude i did this show i shot that i just think you just go and then no noise comes out you're just like i can't even the whole way to the hospital no no dude that's um there's a excuse me there's this um this famous story of this rugby player he's like one of the toughest rugby players in the world and uh i it was for the show that we shot and he was so tough that he was like getting beaten up the whole game and he's like wincing in pain in the locker room and his teammate looked at him him and realized his teammate goes, dude, what's wrong? His scrotum was shredded and the ball was hanging out of the scrotum, hanging down. And there was like fatty tissue and blood.
And he just goes like, oh, and then just got it sewn, put it back in and sewn back in and just like kept on. Like it was the toughest shit I ever heard.
I was like, dude, God, I would say that's the dumbest shit I ever heard.

You can have that fucking thing sewn up.

I mean, you could literally affect whether you can have kids or not.

And then you're going to go run around the grass, dirt and mud.

Now, that's that's like I would say.

I mean, if your family's life is on the line, you can do some Rambo shit like that. But if you're just playing a fucking game and you do that, that is the reason why men do not outlive women.
It's all of that dumb shit of like, how much pain can I take? How dumb can I? Because obviously I shouldn't play right now and I should go to the hospital. But if I want some man points, I'll do the exact opposite.
By the way, what's a cup doing? How did that guy get his balls exploded? Like what happened with his cup? He wasn't wearing a cup. Oof.
I don't know, 250, 270 guy, you know, fucking, oh my God. Oh my God.
Well, let's get into football picks. Okay.
We've got two fucking ball back stories. Oh, my God, dude.
Oh, my God. When you said exploded, it just ruined my fucking afternoon.
I mean. Dude, I'm literally like.
Oh, Paul, you hate to hear it. You hate to see about it.
You just hate the whole thing. Oh, all right.
I guess this is week 18. See, this is a tricky week because not everybody's playing for something.
So you got a lot of spoilers, but then you got some good ones. Paul, you're not playing for something either.
Paul's had his bench in picking games for the last three weeks, and then he goes 4-0 again. Yep.
Dude, I swear to God, if I actually was watching football and had time to look at this i would help the podcast out but i gotta be honest with you you andrew and jake the snake well above 500 just spanking bet mgm got him over your knee paul well here's the deal if i go if I can manage to go three and one or better, it'll be the best I've ever done. So I'm in it still.
Dude, the fact that it isn't already. Doing very quietly, the trust fund kid, Andrew Thamelis, he picks for over 40 games right every year.
You know what I mean? He's just doing it out in Seattle. So, you know, ESPN doesn't

pay attention. You know, he was picking these games in New York.
Like they'd have a fucking billboard of them in Times Square. Listen, he's listening.
He's the Beverly Hills kid. It's quiet.
We got to. We don't know if his dad has connections with Vegas, though.
You know, He does come from money.

That's true.

I saw some of those characters at his wedding. He's got some connections.
They all got good full hair. We've got to bring in Jake the Snake here.
Jake the Snake, on the last regular season, regular season week 18. We got to ask you, A, who's playing for the most stuff? We got to ask you, B, who's hurt? What do we got, Jake? Well, TN's playing for the most is on Saturday.
Cincinnati Bengals, if they lose, their season is over. If they win, they still need some luck.
But so that's kind of the big game that's like the dominoes will start falling because if the Bengals win, then Denver has to win if they want to make the playoffs. And also Miami Dolphins, right? Yeah, and they would need the Dolphins to lose as well.
So the Dolphins would get in if Denver lost and they won. So that's the other team that could make the playoffs.
And then the Sunday night game is for the one seed in the NFC. The winner between Detroit or Minnesota will be the one seed.
Yeah, so that's kind of a big game. And in terms of resting, the most controversial ones probably they're Eagles because they're resting Saquon Barkley who has a chance to break eric dickerson's all-time rushing record uh he probably won't get that chance again and eric dickerson himself came out this week and he act good for him he goes i don't want him to break it he actually said he doesn't want his record to be broken he was honest about it good for eric dick is anybody going to mention that you're getting two extra games? Yeah, well, that is true, too.
But Eric got two extra games from OJ. OJ did it.
And I don't mean the murders. OJ did two homicides.
Killing on and off the field, okay? He killed one person for every thousand yards he rushed for. He was shredding people and defenses in, what was it, 73? He did it in 14 games.
Yeah, that's unbelievable. Jake the Snake, how many yards do you have to average to get 2,000 yards in 14

games? Come on, man. Somebody break out.
Come on, Andrew.

Somebody. I'm terrible at math.

How many yards in game is 14?

I like 100. 170, 180.

I like that. 170, 180 per game,

which is nuts. Dude, they got a

2,000 yards for 18 games? 111.

For 14? No, for 14 games.

Oh, for 14 games.

Somebody. Somebody's got a calculator.
142. 142 yards a game.
Round up to 143. That's insane.
They got to stop hitting games, dude. If they go to 20 games a year, they got to stop this shit.
They're going to go to 18 pretty soon, which is a lot. Season's long.
We're going to go to present day weekend, you know? Yeah. It's like, yeah.
Concussions was a big deal. I would say that what will probably happen was regular season, regular season records will obviously start falling left and right.
if they get 18 games to do what people used to do in 14, 16 games, 12 games, depending on how old the record is. And then I would I would think unless they keep making adjustments to how they play the game, careers will be shorter.
But it's weird because you'll be playing more games. So, like, you know, in, like, nine years, you'll have played an extra season.
Or eight years, an extra season than what somebody else did. So that's going to take its toll, plus the playoffs.
But they've got to front-load it, right? I mean, you can't go any deeper into – I mean, I guess you can. I don't know.
I mean, it's, you don't want to be playing in August. It's just greed.

It's too hot.

That's all it is.

It's greed.

I bet they go to two bye weeks.

Two bye weeks.

And then every 19 weeks, they'll just keep stretching it out and stretching it out.

And bye weeks, what's the great thing about the bye weeks is it adds an extra week to the season already.

We're already up to like, what is it?

17, 18 weeks, a regular season with, I think with the bye, right?

Yeah. You only have one.

I'm not complaining as far as being a football fan, but these players,

like you can, the owners, the owners don't give a shit.

They're going to start wearing those hot air balloon helmets.

Playing for like 25 fucking weeks. I can't believe they still play on artificial turf.
It's basically concrete. I thought they got rid of, they got the fake tires that are giving people cancer.
Cancer, yeah. All the goalies in Europe, especially goalies that handle the ball.
Yeah. Yeah, they're all hitting like cancer.
But then what Europe does is they actually, you know, when they're not causing world wars, they look out for their people.

So they got rid of all of that stuff.

So I guess whatever they treat the tires with has some sort of lead or something in it that they're saying could possibly allegedly create cancer.

The great thing about having a shaved head, Paul, is even if you have cancer, nobody knows.

That is a positive.

Oh, he's in treatment.

Oh, I thought he was on Ozempic.

I knew he was getting a little gone,

but he kind of looked the same.

Anyway, all right, let's do some picks here.

Paulie!

All right.

You guys want the screen up?

Put the screen up, and let's start fucking picking away.

Billy Housewife trying to get 30 wins this year.

All right.

Dude, I don't think.

Is Aaron Rodgers going to spoil the Dolphins season?

I don't think so because the Jets are that bad.

I'm going to take the Dolphins playing for their playoff lives, minus one.

What week of the season do you start saying that?

You just love, you love gun to your head and playing for your playoff life.

I do.

I do.

You know what it is? You love the drama of that. I do.
You love the drama of that. I do.
Summertime blockbuster. You are a boss to a lot.
They call him... What's that? Another one I say is he's running for his life.
Oh, running for his life. I usually use that one when I'm defending a quarterback that has no offensive line.
All right. I would say right out of the gate, I mean, 20 and a half points.
I mean, what is this, college football? It's fucking ridiculous. I mean, you're starting to – I'm sorry, sorry.
My daughter just heard me swear. 20 and a half.
I'll take the Browns, man. I'm going downtown with the Browns.
Well, you're starting with 20. Dude, I'm almost up by three touchdowns.
I mean, how do I walk away from that? We've been doing this show for a few years. I've never seen that line.
Have you ever seen that line either hey shout out to the speaking of ohio the ohio state buckeyes everyone laughing when they lost to michigan all of a sudden that two games away knocked off number one oregon like they were nothing yeah i'll tell you what too that defensive line of the notre Dame fighting Irishman, that D-line looked real good against Georgia.

I can't believe they won.

I was sitting there going, like, maybe Georgia, Ohio State in the final.

I'll show you what I know, Paul.

I know Jack's squat.

I've been riding this train.

Hold on.

Where is this game?

What's this line?

Where are they?

There they are.

I've been riding this train. Where is this? Where is this game? What's this line? Where are they? There they are.

I've been riding this train.

Where are they?

There they are.

I've been riding this train for four weeks or three weeks, whatever,

and I'm going to – I'm staying on, everybody.

I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals playing for their playoff. Playoff lives.

Minus two in Pittsburgh. You know, I don't think the weather's going to affect either team because both play in cold weather.
I'm going to take Joey Burrow to do his part in getting his team there. Minus two, Cincinnati.
I'm taking them. You know, Paul, since you like the play playoff live so much the the nickname of the team you would have loved the best growing up if you were old enough would have been the cleveland browns with brian site they were called the cardiac kids oh that's a great one because because they would uh they they would look like they would be losing and then the last second they would win the game, you know, like in overtime, make your heart stop.

The car.

Yeah.

Kids back when having a,

a,

a heart issue was,

was still kind of funny.

You could actually say,

now you have to say on alive.

Oh yeah.

That is a dumbish.

That is like,

I would love to get to the head of liberals and be like, all of these years of changing the words but not dealing with the problem, it's so dumb. People are still killing themselves.
They're still committing suicide, but we're all saying unalived. Yeah.
He unalived himself. He unalived himself.

Yeah. What are we, fucking

children, Paul? Is that what

liberals want us to treat us like children?

Right? And then

conservatives that want to fucking bring back

the feudal system? Isn't there

a middle ground, Paul? You know what the middle

ground I think is, Paul? He's taking the Rams,

getting six and a half at home

against the Seahawks.

Rams arresting everybody everybody by the way

because they have nothing to play for.

Wait a minute.

Does the Seahawks have something to play for?

No. What do you mean?

The people are playing for next year's contract.

They're playing to stay on.

Yeah. They're in Hollywood.
Tinseltown. They're playing to stay on.
Yeah, they're in Hollywood,

Tinseltown, where they put

on a show.

I'm going with the Rams because the game's

going to be on TV.

I can actually watch that game with my

old man cable.

Paul, I'm not clicking on a bunch of

fucking apps and getting passwords

and all of this shit.

I'm not doing this anymore to try to fucking.

Dude, you know what my son said this morning?

What?

He got upset at me and told me he was going to call Kojak.

That's awesome.

Yeah, he loves that show, man.

Dude, that's so awesome.

We have dad and son black leather jackets. Showed up at a Christmas party, man.
Oh, dude, that's so awesome. We have dad and son

black leather jackets showed

up at a Christmas party, dude.

That's awesome, dude.

Oh, God.

That's awesome.

Alright, what do you got here?

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it.

I'm going to do it because they're going to

ruin it again. They're going to ruin the fourth pick.
They already ruined the one. They're going to ruin the fourth pick.
The Eagles are sitting, everybody. I'm going to take my New York football Giants to bury us in the draft even more, plus three.
I like that. The Eagles are playing for nothing.
The Giants are playing for pride. I'll take the Giants.
I'm going to take the Washington Commanders.

Okay. That's a good one.

Lay in six. Going into

Jerry World.

And

I'm hoping at some point

those Dallas Cowboy fans

stop complaining about

GMs and coaches and players

and they get to the real

problem.

Sitting on the 50-yard line, Paul. Looking like he's going through a wind tunnel.
You know what another one I like, Bill? Another one I like? They're on life support, but they're still in it. I love the lifespan.
You know what the one I like? They're hanging around. That's the one I like.
They're letting them hang around. Paul! I use that too.
They should have put them away, but they let them hang around. Not dead yet.
Showing signs of life. The Giants were the only underdog that won last week.
Favorites were 14-1. That's why I went 1-3 last week.
All right, Jake the Snake, what is going on with your Chargers? Are your Chargers in it still? Yeah, they've clinched the playoff spot. The only thing they have to play for is if the Steelers lose to the Bengals, then they could – and if they beat the Raiders, they would move up a spot.
So they'd play at Houston instead of at Baltimore, which would be much more ideal because Baltimore is going to blow us out. Houston, we can beat.
Baltimore, we cannot. So it would just depend on Saturday.
I mean, Jesus, Jake, why don't you just make the fucking pick for him? How much information are you going to give him?

That was incredible.

You did everything but break down the scores per quarter.

I'd love it if the Raiders won just so they could fall out of the top ten.

Every time I see Jake's window, I just picture a girl getting up.

She's like, Jake, you're never that thoughtful with me.

Just throws a shoe at his head.

Jake, why can't I quit you?

I come over here, you just treat me like a hooah.

You care about your football show more than me.

It's been three months.

I've never been outside with you. Jake's just wiping off his glasses.
That's how it is, sweetheart. Jake, it's week 18.
That's why. It's week 18.
You can wait one more one. Jake the snake, the fucking stealth stud.
People have no idea. Everybody out there, you're lucky the Playboy Network still isn't around.

Jake would have a fucking block of time.

We got wild card weekend next week, sweetheart.

Football season's over.

She's like, can we go out now?

Where do you think that money comes from?

All right, all right, don't cry.

Okay, here we go.

Here's a little bit of cash.

Go out, go get yourself something. Calm down.
I'll take you out for a coffee later on today. Jesus, every woman in my life.
All right. Who's picking next? Oh, shit.
Look, we established the threesome

early in the relationship. You can't take that away now.
The Chargers are road dogs, honey. They're road dogs.
If they don't cover that trip to Cabo, you can forget about it.

That's the kind of pressure I need you to understand.

That I under every week.

I don't get to live in your fantasy land of having another adult take care of you.

Look at me.

I'm still in my robe.

I got to be on the air. Oh, God.
This might be a short movie we got to make. All right, let's go.
What do you got? Okay. For my fourth and final pick, I think I got to just end it with the team.
I think that's going to win the Superbowl.

And I think I'm going to take the lions at home with something to prove

against the Vikings.

Uh,

I think Jared,

uh,

golf is the best and I'm going to take them to beat the Vikings.

I got the lions at home laying three.

All right,

Paul,

I'm going to tell you why I'm going to take the Vikings.

Ooh,

you know why? Because you've been, you've've gone you've gone big on all of these playing for their playoff lives. Yeah.
Playing for their playoff lives two times. And then you said something else that they're running for their lives.
All right. But then when you pick the lines, you go, you know, I think they got something to prove.
You know? And it sounded like you were talking about a first-time female director. I wasn't impressed.
I wasn't impressed. So what was it like to be behind the camera? Legs up off the floor and on the couch.
It's so empowering. It's so empowering.
It's such a great message. It's a story that needs to be told.
We were like one on set. We were just like one.
You're going to make me cry. You're going to make me cry.
I'm going to take the Vikings to remind, head to head. Remind the Lions who both these teams are.
Neither have a Super Bowl. Both of these teams, I swear to God, if there's a way, if they played each other in the Super Bowl, somehow the dome would collapse and the game would have to be played later.
Something would happen. But I'm going to take the Vikings.
I don't even know why.

Just because I want to watch the game.

Jake, the Vikings beat them already, right, this year?

I think the Lions won the first game.

Okay.

Ooh, Paul.

Okay.

Oh, Paul?

Okay.

You didn't like that answer, Paul.

So wait a minute.

Whoever wins this game gets the first seed the first week by and home field? Yep. Oh.
Huge game. Huge game.
Huge game. And it's our Monday night special.
And it's our Monday night or it's the Sunday night? There's no Monday night game, so that's the last game of the regular season. Hey, Paul, did BetMGM call you? Like, you know, like when you lose an election and you call and you congratulate the other candidate, have they called you yet? Four years in a row? Have they made the phone call? BetMGM, like, when are you just going to man up and realize, you know, your guys in Vegas, they're just not going to beat Paul Berzi? I just don't understand why they don't just call me in to Vegas and have a meeting with me.
You know why, Paul? Because you're Italian. You're prejudicing against Italians.
Believe this? You believe it? This day and age? Prejudicing against Italians. Three years in a row, you believe it? What if they called you up and said, Paul, we would bring you in, but we spent 40 years trying to get you people out of these casinos.
If you were a little more

waspy, we'd get you in there.

I'd be like, I get it.

I get it.

Some of our guys messed up.

Dude, I was talking about that kid last night,

Luigi, on stage.

I go, this guy's a hero. We should be down there

trying to bust him out of the jail.

I go, this country, never in the history of it

has ever gotten a Luigi out of jail. I go, this country, never in the history of it has ever gotten a Luigi out of jail.
All the way back to Sacco and Vanzetti, Paul. They've let you guys twist in the wind.
I lived in a neighborhood with two or three Luigis. Okay, growing up.
They were Cavarici, Z Cavarici with the black Felas and the feelers had the strap. I thought you were saying that was their last name, Louis Cavaricci.
I was like, oh, my God, that's got to be in a movie. No, you remember the Z Cavariccis, right? No, I remember them.
I wore them. I didn't even have Z Cavs.
I had big puffy pants that were tan, like Pete Carroll if he was backing up MC Hammer and then they had this lime like label like right above your dick and then they tapered in like a little thing around your ankle oh dude and they were their hair was perfect and they literally did this shit with the comb they had cologne they had chains over the turleneck. And when they would pull up in the Camaro, you would just hear, you're my dream boy.
I don't even know that song. You know that song, right? Is it a book? No.
Come on, sing it. Sing it.
I want to hear it. You're my dream boy.
How's it go? You don't have that. Oh gotta get it come on we're gonna get knocked off youtube don't don't play it oh okay oh really dinged uh all right oh to be uh was that by banana rama wasn't that like i don't know you remember you remember stevie b you remember stevie b spring love you remember right hey pa, if you're in a group called Bananarama, how much are you saving your money when you're on tour? I don't see this going longer than three summers.
Yeah, but, dude, they had Cruel Summer for Karate Kid. Big one.
I know they did, but their name was Bananarama. Yeah, it's true.
That's a tough one. That's a tough one, yeah.
That's like, we're getting knocked down. We get up again.
What was the name of them? Chumbawamba. Chumbawamba, fucking Bananarama.
I mean, you're just all going to end up on the same cruise ship. Dude, did you hear Dave Grohl talk about Foo Fighters? He goes, dude, he goes, we didn't even know.
He goes, we thought it was the dumbest name, we thought like, oh, if it gets serious, we'll change it. Like they actually did Foo Fighters as a goof.
Like he thought it was so stupid. Oh yeah.
Stupid all the way to the O2 arena. Oh, Hey.
All right. So here we go.
We got the last game of the year. We hit, I think we tied the record for Monday night specials this year.
So we got Vikings.

Hosts in the So here we go. We got the last game of the year.
We hit, I think we tied the record for Monday night specials this year.

So we got Viking hosts in the open era when they made it more difficult.

In the modern era.

Yeah.

Not with the wooden racket, how we did it the first year. All right.

What are we going to do?

Because Bill likes the Vikes.

Hey, I'm doing a podcast here. Let's try to keep it down.
All their friends are over. Who? Oh, the kids? The kids are over.
We got to wrap it up. That's the best when the kids are over, though, isn't it? Yeah.
It is. Yeah.
It is. Because I'm the cool one.
Because I'm the cool one, they fucking know it. And it lets my wife know.
Sometimes it's good to remind them. It's good to fucking remind them who the fucking easy one is.
You know? You know? Because I'm fucking. Because Scandinavians are cold.
They're fucking. They got that Viking in them.
They're fucking cold. I'm warm.
I'm fucking warm. I hug her fucking family.

You go in and it takes forever to even greet.

To my family, it's a hug.

It's, hey, how are you?

Oh, my God, get in here.

Fuck, God bless you.

Over there, it's like, what?

Slips a sandwich in the pocket as you hug them.

There you go.

This is a pursuit.

It doesn't take much to be warm, does it? How do the Vikings hug, Paul? They don't. They don't hug.
Hey, how you doing? Hey, Merry Christmas. It's like, did you just tell me? No, that's good.
It's good. Things are good.
You know, work, kids. Scandinavians have this thing where, like, when you first get into the house, it's not like the way like if I see you get in here, they have like a, how's everything? How's it going? Oh, it just looks good.
And then like, then two drinks in, they're happy. You know? What is it? You know? What's the sadness, Paul? I mean, they don't get as much sun.
What is it? Is it my cross to bear? How do you say that? What is it my cross to bear? You got it right. Hey, week 18.
Look at you. My cross to bear.
What are you going to do? That's my cross to bear. Well, yeah, Paul, you knew what you were walking into.
Opposites attract. Sophia, my daughter Sophia goes, my friends love you.
They say, oh, Sophia's dad's so nice. And I just look over at Stace.
No, my wife, listen, my wife is great. She's a sweetheart, just a little colder.
You're excited to have the friends over to, no, I just use this as a bragging tool for my life. There you go.
Well, in your marriage, you got any good review that you get. It's so funny.
Your wife pretends like they don't hear it. You look at them like, see? Dude, I saw a wife.
You know what I am, Paul? You know what? Oh, now you got me going. You know what I am, Paul? Who I am as a person is of all my faults.
Oh, that's how they do it. That's how the math works.
I can't get anything in the positive side of the ledger. Never, never, never.
Hey, Paul, never did. Never did.
It's set in stone. The other day I heard a wife go like this.
Somebody went and gave her husband credit. She goes, don't give him the credit.
Don't do that. Don't give him the don't do that don't give him the credit no psychological fucking warfare they want to do that is dude i was smoking a cigar with a buddy of mine yeah he did one that fucking was the west coast version of never did i was going like i was going off and then she did it then she says that so i I still do it.
I'm fucking, ah, I'm getting all fucking amped up. And he's just sitting there with the cigar and he just goes, that's how it is.
My favorite thing ever. He didn't even debate it.
He didn't debate it. There's no solutions.
It just, that's how it is. Dude, I had.
That's how it is. It actually made me feel better.
It's like I'm yelling about something that just is. I had a friend back in the day.
We lost a little touch or whatever, but his dad was so incredible. His dad was just, you want to talk about filter off? And his dad would say things that were so abrasive and you would even be like,

whoa. And like one time we're in the kitchen and I was like, yeah, she doesn't care.
And he just He goes, no.

Like, it was so, no, of course not.

No.

No.

They don't.

They don't.

They don't.

They don't they don't they don't they don't man they don't i was joking with my wife going this is how you compliment me or say something nice you go i do love you i do respect you like it doesn't i do care all, like it all has to be like, you don't give a fuck. Yes, I do.
It's like, well, why don't you just fucking say it every once in a while? No. Whatever, Paul, let's get to what we're good at.
The Monday night special. Cause they, because anything positive for them, this is because anything, anything positive for us, they take as like, it take as like it's a slight on them.
Like they don't, it's sick. No, they're worried that you're going to feel good about yourself, which will make you attractive to another female, and then they will lose you.
They don't even know they're doing it. So they psychologically got to keep you down the whole time you're in it.
It's fucking unbelievable.

Then meanwhile,

Christ, I spilt another glass of

water. This day's gonna

suck.

No, and then you gotta

sit there and fucking constantly tell

them that they look good in whatever

dumb shit they just bought.

I mean, it's not...

How awkward a question is that? What do you think of this? Do you think this looks... Dude, the other day, I'm not going to lie, the other day Stacey had one boot on her left foot and a different one on her right.
And I go, both of those are bad. And she goes, you're right.
She goes, you're right. And she put on nice ones.
Because she does it to me. You are dressed like a guy who gets traded for a player to be named later.
Oh, that's a lot of water. All right.
All right. Let's do the Monday night special so I can clean up this mess over here.

All right.

So Bill likes the Vikes.

I like the Lions.

It's minus three.

Let's do this.

Let's do.

Goff.

Do what you want to do.

Don't listen to me.

I'm the housewife on the show.

No, let's do Darnold.

Let's do Darnold to throw one for the Vikes.

Let's do Goff to throw one for the Lions. It's going to be a shootout.
What's the under over? 48. 47.
46. I think it was 56.
Whoa. Is it really? That's insane.
What? Dude, is this not the modern NFL? I think they're expecting the Vikings to put up points. Bill, you called it you just said shootout but i think and then both of these teams are super bowl favorites and they can't fucking keep the number collectively the two of them under 56 i like having said that the one of the greatest of all time the cowboys the second time versus the steelers that That was like a 35-33 affair or whatever.

I mean, they went over 60 points.

So, like usual, Paul, I don't really know what I'm talking about.

All right, so I like both stock quarterbacks.

I like the under.

To throw a touchdown, and Paul likes the under.

Which I never like.

You like the under usually.

I don't know about the under.

You like the over.

All right, let's go over. You want to root for points? I don't want to.
Fuck 56. I don't want about the over.
You like the over. Alright, let's go over.
You want to root for points?

I don't want to. I fucked 56.

I don't want to even look at that number.

I hate that number.

What is that?

That's each team scoring. 56 is

each team scoring 28

points? Yeah.

Dude, that's eight touchdowns

total, dude. They ain't doing that.

Alright. Hey, Paul, you ain't doing that.
All right.

Hey, Paul, you got the magic touch.

You got the touch.

You got the power.

I say we take the under.

Goff to throw one.

Darnold to throw one.

After all is said and done, he beat the book.

He's having fun.

He's the winner.

And then we got Wild card weekend next week. You guys cool with that? Yeah.
Yeah, 100%. All right.
So our final special will be Goff to throw one, Sam Darnold to throw one, and under 56 points for the game, last game of the regular season to be top in the NFC. It's going to be a great one.
Thank you guys so much for watching Week 18. We'll be back next week with Wild Card Weekend.
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But they coddle this generation anymore. You get your money back, Paul.
When the fuck was that back in the day, back in the book? Yeah, yeah. Hey, tell that to Al.
If you get a two-point conversion, you get your money back. You get a do-over.
You got the touch. Imagine you went to Al Capone in Chicago back in the day.
No, Al, they said they're going to give you my money back. He would be like that guy in the Richard Pryor bit.
You know what he said? He hey, hey, hey. It's a stick up.
What a great fit. All right, everybody.
There you go. Week 18.
Regular season is over. We did it again.
We'll talk to you guys next week. Paul did it again.
Oops, he did it again. So did Andrew.
Paul, the show collectively did it. The show collectively made money.
Come on, guys. I'm the weak link in the show.
I don't like this angle. Look, we have man boobs.
Oh, now I'm dreamy. You got to hold it up.
Right? There you go. To the ladies at the fucking...
What was that stupid fucking yoga place they shop? Lululemon. Yeah.
Let's go to get some coffees and go to Lululemon. Talk about keeping our husbands down.

You know, we've got to get more female listeners on this podcast.

No, they listen.

They like it.

You know how we can get less is if we start covering the WNBA,

we'll probably get less.

Oh, shots fired from athens greece dude them asking for the same amount of money with zero ratings in half-filled stadiums it's got to be the epitome of female behavior did you see kaylin clark got named female of the year times female athlete of the year and and one of the owners goes, the whole league should have been female of the year or something. Like, how are they hating on her like that? It's ridiculous.
They're also juicing her to try to promote the whole league. I don't mind the WNBA.
If I had a badge, I would be watching. But, you know, I don't.
So, you know. Dude, just lower the rim.
They can't do it.

It's just they can't do it.

No, they're going to be fine, Paul.

They're going to be good.

Look at the UFC.

Some of the best fights over the last 12 years have been the women.

And I remember when they first came in, I was like, I don't want to watch this shit.

And then I saw them.

Oh, my God, they're amazing.

They're going to get better at it, Paul.

They just haven't been hooping.

They've been fucking basketball players.

Dude, now they're playing hoop. You've got to get them a chance to catch up.
But the women got to go out and support them. And they're not going to at it, Paul.
They just haven't been hooping. They've been fucking basketball players.
Dude, now they're playing hoop. You got to get them a chance to catch up, but the women got to go out and support them, and they're not going to do it, Paul, because they don't want to build something.
They want to wait till we build it, and then they show up. Where's it got for us? That's what it is.
Here's what I think they do. You have a WNBA All-Star Weekend women's dunk contest.
You lower the hoop to eight feet and you just have these ponytail chicks cocking back, yoking it on people. They'd be nuts.
But if the dunks aren't good, Paul, I would definitely see what they can do first. That's true.
That's true. In seventh grade in gym class, I had a crush on this girl.
And I remember I started to do a layup and i thought it looked awkward and i was just like man not anymore yeah because she was like you're like i don't want to put my seed in that because i want my kid i want my kid to run like that i was all about procreation in the seventh grade like yeah oh by the way did you guys see henry's always been looking down the road did you guys see kenny pickett do the thing where he held the football and it looked like it weighed him and he just fell forward so i said i go i go this is the white like i go i go only a white guy can manage to do this and somebody goes hey paul why not like stop with the racist stuff with white athletes and everything and i'm going dude the one white guy who dunked and he held it on and his body flipped over daniel jones tripping over his own feet kenny pinky cocky making a phone do you know what the black guy version of that is fake intercepting the ball faking out everybody on the field and then dropping it at the half yard line that That's the only time black athletes act like white guys.

That's perfect.

All right.

All right.

That's it, dude.

I got to go to the, I got to go to the gym.

See you guys after, man.

Enjoy football.

I'll talk to you guys soon.

All right.

Congratulations again on a great season to all of you.

Thank you for letting me hang around with you guys.

All right.

I'll see you.