Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 12-12-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 7 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd.

Speaker 6 Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 11 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.

Speaker 11 All right, obviously this is videotape, which means I have a special guest.

Speaker 11 And which, you know, that's what it is. You know, when there's videotape, I would never make you guys look at my face for no fucking reason.
All right.

Speaker 11 And my guest today has a new special out called Human Magic, the one and only Alana Glazia.

Speaker 3 How are you? Hi, Bill.

Speaker 12 Thanks for having me.

Speaker 12 We met for the first time the other night at the Hilarious. The Hularious Premiere celebration, and I told you that I have been a fan for so long, I would watch you on Premium Blend.

Speaker 12 That's a good thing. As a child in the 90s, when Comedy Central was the first channel, I would turn on the TV.
Yes. I'm 37.
How old are you, Andrew?

Speaker 13 40. Okay.

Speaker 12 41. Okay.

Speaker 11 Turn on the TV. Square.

Speaker 13 Channel 50.

Speaker 12 And Bilber's there saying jokes I shouldn't be watching. And just so awesome.
It's so cool.

Speaker 14 You know what's funny?

Speaker 11 I immediately assumed you would hate me.

Speaker 11 Same more. No, I just feel because I had some, like, I had, I had my, my.

Speaker 12 Personally, professionally, creatively?

Speaker 11 Just watching my special, I just, or specials, I would think that you would be like, this guy's just always trashing women. You know, I kind of went through this whole period.
Unless I forget them.

Speaker 11 Where I was just trashing women because I wanted to be married. So in my Irish, German, Irish brain, I'm like, I'm going to shit on what I want.
And then somehow I'm going to get there.

Speaker 12 I mean, that makes sense given society, not like you.

Speaker 2 No, you can put it on me.

Speaker 14 You don't have to blame society.

Speaker 12 I actually have to say, like,

Speaker 12 what is even more useful than coming out the gate feminist is

Speaker 12 being a

Speaker 12 model for change. I'm not even trying to be positive.
I'm like being for real. And like Howard Stern, too.
Like, he was so fucking gross.

Speaker 12 And when I was a kid, and seeing these, like, I just, as a kid, like, you have no idea being a child in the 90s, seeing women who were, you know, horribly thin with big fake titties and being like, I guess that's what a woman is, and I'll never be it.

Speaker 3 And you men were so stupid.

Speaker 12 You fucking idiots.

Speaker 17 We're like, they like that.

Speaker 3 They don't like me.

Speaker 12 It's like, yeah.

Speaker 11 It wasn't the greatest television.

Speaker 12 But I have to say, but sticking it out and, you know, now I'm just talking about Howard Stern, but sticking it out in his analytic process, which you should consider,

Speaker 3 was...

Speaker 3 I'm working on it.

Speaker 11 I'm trying to get better.

Speaker 12 It is incredible. And also, like, yeah, it just is very powerful, the model for change.
So I appreciate it. And even then, I don't know.

Speaker 12 Perhaps I saw a weakness in you that I sympathized with even as a child and knew that you would come to me.

Speaker 11 Oh, yeah, no, there's major weaknesses in this package.

Speaker 17 But you're so funny, and I really appreciate you.

Speaker 11 Yes, I am a dented can.

Speaker 11 Anyway, so you have this new special coming out. It's on Hulu, the Hulu platform.
We to Hulu people.

Speaker 12 Bill Bird, you love it?

Speaker 3 I am.

Speaker 12 Do you love being a hilarious comedian?

Speaker 11 I love being somewhere where they're really into me.

Speaker 12 Me too.

Speaker 11 Well, I mean, I was kind of, you know, places I've been, other places, not going to say the other places, but I was sort of like. It's a monopoly.

Speaker 12 So there's

Speaker 11 not a monopoly. It's consolidation.
And it's very exciting for all kinds kinds of opportunity in the future with all of the bundling.

Speaker 3 The bundling of

Speaker 3 the business.

Speaker 11 Let us consolidate the employment that we're going to create.

Speaker 11 Yeah. They've been falling for that since the 80s.
Yeah, I mean, that if you deregulate all of us corporations, you know, the jobs that we're going to create.

Speaker 11 And the politicians believed them and they didn't. And next thing you know, a CEO gets whacked.

Speaker 3 That's what happens.

Speaker 12 That is what has happened now.

Speaker 12 And

Speaker 11 you know what the amazing thing about that is? Is red and blue are on the same side and we're agreeing.

Speaker 11 So now I'm going to be fascinated how CNN and Fox News will brand it and pull us back apart again so they can feel comfortable.

Speaker 12 They will continue to

Speaker 11 go further right.

Speaker 12 And hopefully, my hope is that the people will rise up against income inequality. That is what we're up against.
It's racial, it's gender, but it is income inequality that is growing since the 70s.

Speaker 3 You ever watch fucking Mr.

Speaker 12 Rogers? I mean, when you.

Speaker 11 I just love when you said fucking Mr. Rogers.
Yes. I see.

Speaker 3 Fucking Mr. Rogers.
You ever watch Mr. Rogers?

Speaker 11 When you leather jacket, you're in a badass mood. Yeah, I watch Mr.
Rogers.

Speaker 17 Bitch, you know, crack nuts, dog.

Speaker 14 Skulls, nuts.

Speaker 11 Bill Bird, dog.

Speaker 12 But anyway, like, Mr.

Speaker 11 I watched fucking Mr. Rogers.
What do you got to say?

Speaker 12 Mr. Rogers, it's like you actually have an example of a working class, a healthy working class, and different races, different genders, different classes actually can work together.

Speaker 12 People are are happy and dignified to work in a factory. Then

Speaker 12 corporate greed

Speaker 12 entered the system even further than even more extremely than it's ever been. And income inequality has been growing and growing and growing.

Speaker 17 And we're at this point where it's a joke.

Speaker 12 It's a fucking

Speaker 12 joke. And we have been pitted against each other, but most people want access to big...

Speaker 12 Most people want basic human rights.

Speaker 11 I don't get why they can't just let, it's like, all right, you can have your infinity pool, your whores, and all of that shit. Why can't you just let break off off a little bit more?

Speaker 11 I completely agree. Most people, all you want, can I just, I want a house.
I can afford to have it.

Speaker 11 I can support a family. And on the weekends,

Speaker 11 we can hang out with my family and I can feed them and clothe them and feel safe.

Speaker 14 Like, why?

Speaker 12 Basic human rights. That's just what there should be a standard for basic human rights.
That is what elected officials are. That's the intention, I believe, is for civil servants and public

Speaker 12 civil servants to provide a basic standard of human rights and protect it.

Speaker 12 But what's happening now with a billionaire class coming in and owning a consolidation of companies, a consolidation, they're buying up houses. You can't.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 15 But what yeah, there's one.

Speaker 11 Yeah. And how about this last election? Nobody fucking talks about that.
And what about how Democrats and Republicans both agreed you can't try them for insider trading? They're fucking criminals.

Speaker 12 It's

Speaker 11 totally corrupt.

Speaker 11 It's like wide, it's the kind of shit when I was growing up, they tried to say happened in like third world countries, dictatorships, and these guys are like, and now you can, the Supreme Court.

Speaker 11 I've been talking about this in my podcast.

Speaker 19 People are probably sick of it, but I'm loving it, baby.

Speaker 12 Give it to me.

Speaker 11 They were saying that now it's not a bribe. You can give a politician a gratuity

Speaker 13 after fucking ass out.

Speaker 12 Eat my ass out.

Speaker 12 It's not a bribe because you, you know, it's like, I forget like you're an older man and like this must sound different to you than it does to like my like queer girlies, but it's just like eat my fucking ass, dude.

Speaker 12 That's a bribe, bitch. That's a bribe.

Speaker 11 Why would you think that that's like, you think like I grew up in some prudish time?

Speaker 12 No, but I'm like a younger woman and you're like, hee hee hee.

Speaker 3 There's a little hee hee going on.

Speaker 11 No, I'm laughing at like when you were like talking about the Howard Stern thing, like all of those things. Yeah, I was just dying laughing because, dude, that was on basic cable.
It was fucking wild.

Speaker 3 Like, oh my God, you're so hot. Will you take it?

Speaker 3 So gross.

Speaker 17 And then also on Internet Bush.

Speaker 11 It was right on after like Billy Bush or that guy, John Tesh, would be like,

Speaker 12 you know, the new, the new TT Entertainment System.

Speaker 11 Indiana Jones Tomb Raider.

Speaker 11 And then they immediately smash cuts.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. Oh, God, I want to fuck you so bad about America.

Speaker 12 Jon Tesh, we were supposed to be happy for him that he could play the piano.

Speaker 3 You remember that?

Speaker 12 We're supposed to congratulate Jon Tesh. You're a host of Entertainment Tonight, but also, wow, this guy can really tinkle the keys.

Speaker 11 I know, but he was crushing it. There's something about Germany.

Speaker 11 Well, but

Speaker 11 what I've found in this

Speaker 11 being an artist is no matter how bad your career sucks, there's always one country. There's enough countries.
There'll be one country that fucking loves you.

Speaker 12 Oof, I got to find out what that country is.

Speaker 11 Yeah, France loved Jerry Lewis. Not saying they didn't love him here.
You don't like Jerry Lewis?

Speaker 12 He once said women aren't funny. I'm like, fuck you, shut up, go to bed.
I mean,

Speaker 17 what? LOL der Netfanie?

Speaker 3 No, I'm kidding. LOL d'Ernette Fanny Demp.

Speaker 12 Wait, can I just finish the

Speaker 3 political thing really quick?

Speaker 14 I'm just doing meatheads sometimes. That's all.

Speaker 12 Okay, but like posing as. What are you playing football?

Speaker 11 No,

Speaker 11 I'm a recovered meathead.

Speaker 12 I'm loving it.

Speaker 14 Can I just talk about really cool? I'm not doing it for you.

Speaker 11 I'm loving it. Keep doing that and get back to me in 10 days.
We'll see where you're at when we go with your review.

Speaker 12 Wait, can I just say the thing, just because I think it is so fucking cool and important that what you're talking about is progressive politics.

Speaker 12 I don't know if you like know that and claim it, but you're talking about progressive politics.

Speaker 11 You always have to have a name.

Speaker 12 Take it out if you want. No labels.

Speaker 3 Let's get rid of that.

Speaker 12 Keep it fluey.

Speaker 11 Keep saying what fucking makes sense.

Speaker 15 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But with my summer school brain, dude, they should have me fucking run for president.

Speaker 12 Honestly.

Speaker 11 I fuck, I get some fucking shit done.

Speaker 12 Honestly, even if you are an artist and really successful, like you are a working person. And like what you're talking about is

Speaker 12 what I'm hearing with glee is messaging that

Speaker 12 reaches like working people and working families. And I think personally that the answer is in small dollar-backed elected officials, especially if they come from activism.
He doesn't care.

Speaker 12 I've lost him.

Speaker 3 I've lost him. No, I'm just like,

Speaker 13 this is like some I'm an earnest bitch.

Speaker 12 Like I'm really earnest.

Speaker 12 And I like, while I think the system is crooked and obviously founded upon two genocides, I think that it's like a pretty good system that could be worthwhile if we stuffed it with the right people.

Speaker 3 So I just want to say that while I had the

Speaker 12 incredible platform of Alfred Burr.

Speaker 11 If I was still drinking and we were hanging out in a bar, the conspiracy spiral that we would fucking go down and we would probably, you know, some one time I was on a radio show and there was an ex-CIA guy there and I was spouting all my fucking opinions and everything.

Speaker 11 He's like, well, you know,

Speaker 11 he's doing that. And then, like, when he went to leave when the mics were off, going like, you know, you're not wrong about a lot of that.

Speaker 20 Yeah.

Speaker 11 I had that happen to me in a bank. One time I went in.
I was, what the fuck bank was it? There's only a few left. It wasn't Wells Fargo.

Speaker 11 The blue one. What's the blue one? Not Citibank.

Speaker 22 Chase.

Speaker 11 I was in a chase and this guy, this guy was,

Speaker 11 I was just talking to him. I go, dude, there's like, it was, yet again, they were shutting, they were looking at shutting the government down for a week or just printing more money.

Speaker 11 And I was talking to the guy. Printing more money.
And I was giving him all my fucking, you know, Federal Reserve bullshit or whatever.

Speaker 11 And he had a worried look on his face, going, Yeah, I mean, it's, yeah, it's crazy, but you just gotta, I was like, no, dude, you were supposed to reassure me and say, dude, you're out of your fucking mind.

Speaker 11 Everything's fine. He didn't.
And his little cubicle in the center of this bank. It was one of the more chilling moments.
I needed a leather jacket for that moment.

Speaker 12 It does help. I used to say, like,

Speaker 12 Black people's conspiracy theories are true. White people's conspiracy theories are white supremacy.
Because white people are like, you know, crop circles.

Speaker 12 They're like, they could never have made the crop circles.

Speaker 17 Aliens came down to do it.

Speaker 12 And it's like, what? Didn't societies before you?

Speaker 11 Not all black people's conspiracies are true. Like their idea that you can curse in front of your mother and she's not going to beat the shit out of you because you're white.

Speaker 11 And also their idea that they're fucking cook out food. The amount of dry ass chicken I've had

Speaker 11 after them talking all of this shit, you underseason your food and everything. It's like you guys overseason your food.

Speaker 3 So there has to be a happy medium

Speaker 11 between what we're doing and diabetes.

Speaker 3 I see.

Speaker 11 It's like, I'll eat that, but I don't want to lose a fucking toe.

Speaker 11 I saw this, there's a black woman on Instagram was going, I'm going to show you how to make French toast where you don't even need syrup.

Speaker 11 And she took like white sugar and brown sugar, like a cup of each, and dumped it in the bowl to start.

Speaker 14 I'm like, well, fucking, yeah, there you go.

Speaker 13 Right, right, right.

Speaker 11 She's making cotton candy.

Speaker 12 But now I think that, I think that people have like connected enough on social media that it's like an anti-cop capitalist conversation. And it's not really like black and white anymore.

Speaker 12 People are like all talking and seeking the same shit per the

Speaker 11 okay. Well, then let me ask you this.

Speaker 11 How do you think they're going to divide? Because they're going to divide us again. Because they're going to try to make.
I thought that they were going to.

Speaker 12 It's going to be so fucking bad for most people. We will not be divided.
It is going to be so fucking bad.

Speaker 11 You're optimistic. I like that.

Speaker 12 Yeah, that's my optimistic take. It is going to be so rank and so our basic human rights are going to be stripped away so quickly.

Speaker 12 We're going to be like, I actually have all the hope in the world for the people to rise up and elect someone who's even further left than we've ever seen before, but only if we have elections beyond this.

Speaker 11 Further left?

Speaker 12 Yeah, more genuinely progressive. It's like in the same way that like protests for, you know, anti-war protests are like

Speaker 12 are messaged or narrated to be crazy, violent radicals. And it's just like, really? Because they don't want war?

Speaker 12 Like, in the same way, progressive values, like thinking everyone should have basic human rights, is messaged as this radical thing. But because of social media, even despite the divisive algorithm,

Speaker 12 I find, as an optimistic person, people are connecting.

Speaker 11 Do you think you're living in your world on the internet? So they're agreeing with you? Because you have,

Speaker 11 I don't know. There's also all, you know, everything from fucking.

Speaker 11 I don't even know who these, I don't even know what they are. I just keep hearing QAnon.
Oh, he's one of those QAnon guys. I have no idea what that is.

Speaker 12 My town that I grew up in turned QAnon. They were like

Speaker 12 it's like it's it's like almost like self-selected

Speaker 3 car.

Speaker 12 It's like it's so conservative. It's like wackadoo.
It's almost like remember like Jews, the lasers, Jews and layers?

Speaker 11 He comes back around and you're on Tinder for gay people?

Speaker 12 Kind of, kind of.

Speaker 12 Like, I think, you know, I don't think this has been

Speaker 12 a relevant conspiracy theory for a while. But remember people used to say that Jews

Speaker 12 buried dinosaur bones? Yes. And dinosaurs never really existed.

Speaker 3 That's like QAnon level.

Speaker 12 Oh, I thought.

Speaker 20 Oh, yeah, dude.

Speaker 11 I remember that. That's fucking true, too.
Yeah. Don't get me started with the Jews and the Stegosauruses.

Speaker 14 Okay, I could fucking talk about that all day.

Speaker 12 We love our dino bones.

Speaker 11 Who do you think is going to win the

Speaker 17 Super Bowl?

Speaker 12 Don't even know who's playing.

Speaker 11 You don't even know who's playing?

Speaker 3 Beyonce?

Speaker 11 No, it's not.

Speaker 3 I thought it happened.

Speaker 12 I honestly thought the Super Bowl happened.

Speaker 11 Do you think the NFL is rigged? Do you think that the Chiefs are getting more?

Speaker 3 I don't care.

Speaker 11 Can't you just go along with it and just act like you know?

Speaker 11 Rigged?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 12 I mean, it's, isn't it? I mean, it's so.

Speaker 12 I have no opinion about the NFL.

Speaker 3 That's your question.

Speaker 11 What is dangerous? Do you have to do it with your weekends then? Because I always sometimes think if I stopped watching football,

Speaker 11 you know, if I stopped watching other men achieve things, like, what would I be doing with my, like, what do you...

Speaker 12 I look at the faces of my family. I look at their faces.

Speaker 11 You take them in.

Speaker 12 I take them in. And my kid's three and a half.
I'm in wonder of the process.

Speaker 12 And we watch TV. We order locks and bagels.
We don't even like make many plans. We live in Brooklyn, so we'll kind of like step outside and like so much stuff is happening.

Speaker 12 We don't do much. Like what?

Speaker 14 These things.

Speaker 11 Those things flying off the coast of New Jersey. Is that happening in Brooklyn yet?

Speaker 17 What is that?

Speaker 3 You haven't seen those things? No, what is it? I don't know.

Speaker 11 They kind of look like...

Speaker 11 Yeah, car-sized level drones.

Speaker 3 Car-sized, bigger than drones.

Speaker 11 Like SUV-level drones, and the government isn't saying anything about it.

Speaker 12 It is the government.

Speaker 3 That's what I thought.

Speaker 12 Oh, fully. Who the fuck else are they?

Speaker 11 They're like aliens, and I'm like, and we're just going to sit here? Like, isn't at least Tom Cruise? That sucks.

Speaker 12 That's the government. That is.

Speaker 11 Hanks, one of the Toms.

Speaker 12 What I imagine to be surveillance equipment.

Speaker 12 It's going to get bad for us.

Speaker 11 You can't do this, man.

Speaker 11 The fucking holidays are coming up. You know, don't you have nine days in a menorah or some shit coming up?

Speaker 12 Well, eight days and then the middle, the ninth candles are shamus.

Speaker 12 You know, we just have to be

Speaker 12 aware and connected.

Speaker 11 We've got a new special out called Human Magic.

Speaker 12 I don't know. You bring it out in me.

Speaker 11 What else? Don't blame the victim. I was over here getting ready to have a nice silly.

Speaker 12 The way you dress today, you were asking for it, Bill Burney.

Speaker 14 You were asking

Speaker 12 conspiracy theories with this. Is it blue? Is it green?

Speaker 17 This shirt.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 11 Do you know? I didn't even know I had this shirt. It's just one of these shirts you find, you know, when you have to do your laundry.
And you're like, what is this?

Speaker 12 It's nice. It's like thick.

Speaker 17 It's like, yeah, like me.

Speaker 11 Like a thick-headed moron.

Speaker 3 It fits me.

Speaker 12 That's what you think I think of you, but I think you're smart and funny.

Speaker 11 I was so relieved when I, the first time I met you, no, because I was such a fan of Broad City. Me and my wife used to watch it all the time.
Oh, I love it. And I was like,

Speaker 11 these fucking broads over here,

Speaker 11 the genesis. They thought it was the way you put it.

Speaker 12 I can't even tell you. That means so much to me.
Crazy. That's so crazy.
Like in comedy, you get to meet your heroes.

Speaker 12 I find the art form to be like, you get to meet your heroes quicker and sooner. It's just like, I can't believe it.
Thank you so much. I have loved your comedy for so long.
You thought I would think.

Speaker 12 It's like.

Speaker 11 No, but I did feel like there was a guarded way that you accepted that. It became very military.
Thank you. I like it.
Thank you so much. Just now? Yes.
Just now. So I wasn't sure if that was like...

Speaker 11 You're the classic comedian that can't take like a compliment.

Speaker 12 It's tough.

Speaker 3 It is, right? Yeah.

Speaker 11 I'm trying to get better at that.

Speaker 11 You know what I do? You know what I do when somebody compliments me? Wow. I sit still, but my toes are gripping the inside of the sole of my sneakers.
A little shrimp.

Speaker 3 A little shrimp.

Speaker 3 Stop saying nice. And I'm sneakers.
Stop saying nice things.

Speaker 11 That's so sweet. But say nice things.
Yeah.

Speaker 12 But don't stop.

Speaker 12 But don't stop.

Speaker 17 Because I have a bottomless pit inside that needs your validation.

Speaker 11 I fill up my bottomless pit with hobbies.

Speaker 12 Wait. I had a question.
I'm so sorry, but now I'm interrupting. Tell me.
I'll ask it later. I haven't.

Speaker 3 No, it's fine.

Speaker 12 What are your hobbies? Oh, I know flying, because I listened to Kevin Pod.

Speaker 12 Flying's crazy. And your conspiracy...

Speaker 17 That's how I got into flying helicopters. Yeah.

Speaker 11 In case shit went down, man, I was going to get my helicopter. I don't know where it's going to go.

Speaker 3 Where do you store it?

Speaker 11 At an airport.

Speaker 12 Is the gasoline fucking expensive as fuck?

Speaker 11 Aviation is just expensive. It's fucking annoyingly expensive.
Like some little stupid thing, like they have like on like the

Speaker 11 I guess on the windshield you'd call it.

Speaker 11 they have a little trim string where you stay in trim you know and it's just it's a fucking it's a piece of it's a piece of yarn that that just makes you stay in trim it lets you know if you yeah you know

Speaker 11 if you're going straight it adds metal fatigue if if you're going straight it doesn't add it it's streamlined but if you were to this side like that it's just adding metal fatigue which you can't really see during a pre-flight so it's kind of dangerous so anyways it's literally just a piece of fucking yarn all right and it's one of those things where i know because it's starting to to wear out and I know when I need a new piece because it's going to be on a helicopter, it's going to cost like $750.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 Jesus. It's one of those things.

Speaker 12 Do you only fly like on clear days in the morning, LOL?

Speaker 3 I go in the fog.

Speaker 13 No, shut up.

Speaker 12 Shut up.

Speaker 11 Shut up. You're never more alive than when you're flying in the clouds without an instrument rating.

Speaker 12 Do you have a destination to

Speaker 12 where you would fly?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 11 And then you have, what you just keep doing is you keep expanding the areas where you fly and you're comfortable and you know how to get in and out of airports or transition the airspace.

Speaker 11 And it's a, it's an amazing.

Speaker 3 I'm nervous. I'm nervous.

Speaker 14 Oh, okay.

Speaker 11 It's a, I thought it was boring. No, it's a

Speaker 2 whenever I die.

Speaker 12 I'm nervous at a global scale, you know, a global political scale,

Speaker 12 you know, and then also personal, really hoping you're doing everything safely.

Speaker 11 Yeah, no, aviation is unbelievably.

Speaker 11 As my instructor says, aviation is as safe as you are.

Speaker 17 All right.

Speaker 12 Is John Travalta one of your heroes?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 12 Good answer. Fuck yeah.

Speaker 11 I mean, Vinnie Barbarino is one of the greatest characters.

Speaker 17 Baby, I'm talking about it

Speaker 11 all time. Yeah.

Speaker 12 Okay, my question. You were talking about.

Speaker 11 As far as like, you know, flying a jumbo jet, I have no, in driving it into my driveway. I don't want a life that big.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 11 Having a bunch of toupees. Crazy.
I'm not into that. I just.
Crazy.

Speaker 12 You know Adele Dazim.

Speaker 11 I think he likes me because he took my fucking look.

Speaker 11 Yes.

Speaker 11 He went shaved head.

Speaker 12 Do you know Adele Dazim?

Speaker 11 First person ever to do that. I'm kidding.
What?

Speaker 12 Do Do you know Adele Dazim?

Speaker 11 The singer?

Speaker 11 Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 Is that her name?

Speaker 12 Oh, you were thinking of Adele. Oh, that's so funny.
No, you have to see this clip of John Travolta calling Idina Menzel Adele Dazim at an award show.

Speaker 12 It's like weirdly like queer canon now, but

Speaker 12 it's so incredible.

Speaker 3 It's queer canon.

Speaker 12 It's like, but.

Speaker 11 I love how you speak in English, and there's so many of these fucking terms you're using.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 11 Okay, what queer

Speaker 11 canon fodder? They're into it. Oh, yes, honey.
Yes, we are here for it.

Speaker 12 When you see this clip, you will be making those sounds. It's incredible.
It's incredible. John Travolta introduces Idina Menzel, feigns

Speaker 12 familiarity, but says her name completely in English.

Speaker 11 He had the decency to act like he had any idea who the hell she was.

Speaker 17 That's true. That's true.

Speaker 11 And he butchered her name.

Speaker 17 Aw, you know, it just, it happens.

Speaker 3 Wait, is it?

Speaker 14 I'm between my age and John's age.

Speaker 11 Who do you you know? 56.

Speaker 13 Cool. You look great.
Huh?

Speaker 11 Yeah, I mean, I look great for my age.

Speaker 3 Okay, great.

Speaker 12 I'm 37. You're almost 20 years older than me.

Speaker 17 Yeah, you're a child.

Speaker 11 Oh, well. Yeah, you don't know shit.
I like get up.

Speaker 12 My knees are like.

Speaker 11 Let me tell you how this world is, Missy.

Speaker 3 No,

Speaker 12 I'm technically officially entering middle age.

Speaker 11 Please.

Speaker 11 37 times 2.

Speaker 3 What is that? None of us know. We don't have to be.
1914. 74.
That's 76.

Speaker 11 Yeah, you're middle-aged. I'm done.
I'm 56 times 2. Drop dead, baby.

Speaker 11 56 times 2 is dead.

Speaker 13 Yeah, drop dead dread. Wait, two things.

Speaker 12 Is Vinnie Barbarino Welcome Back Cotter or Disco thing?

Speaker 3 What's that? No.

Speaker 3 It's.

Speaker 3 Well, the same guy.

Speaker 12 No, same guy, but I'm saying, is it Welcome Back Cotter, Vinnie Barbarito? Or Barbarino? It is. Yeah.

Speaker 12 You know, I didn't know if it was Staying Alive. I forget the fucking movie.

Speaker 11 No, he was like

Speaker 11 a fucking juggernaut. Like that guy.

Speaker 12 Please.

Speaker 14 In the 90s, too.

Speaker 11 No, but like the 70s, it was like he became the face of it and then ended up having one of the greatest comebacks of all time.

Speaker 11 And how quickly that went, because it seemed to me like 77, 78 to 83 when I was a kid was a long time. So from in 77, 76 or 75, he gets on Welcome Back Carter.
77, he does staying a lot,

Speaker 11 Saturday Fever, and then he does Grease in 79.

Speaker 3 Oh, Oh my gosh.

Speaker 11 And just, he was a

Speaker 3 meteor.

Speaker 11 And then by light, then he did Urban Cowboy, which started a whole fashion movement of white guys in New York City dressing like they had a ranch.

Speaker 12 He was so cute.

Speaker 3 If you can believe it.

Speaker 11 So, oh, and Dorbs.

Speaker 3 He was the Dorps.

Speaker 11 He was a regular Dorbs in that gay cannon.

Speaker 3 Sorry.

Speaker 3 Go by.

Speaker 12 Wait, I have a couple other things I want to tell you. Welcome back Clotter.
I would see on Nickelodeon and like late night, whatever the the fuck it was, Nick at night, and

Speaker 12 Juan Epstein was the first time I saw my hair on television.

Speaker 11 You know what I mean? I loved Juan Epstein.

Speaker 12 So funny.

Speaker 11 Signed Epstein's mother.

Speaker 12 So funny. And then Horshack, too, was hysterical.

Speaker 11 He was my neighbor right down the street. Horshack? Yeah, but he was agoraphobic, so he would never come out.

Speaker 3 That makes sense.

Speaker 11 He wasn't agoraphobic until I moved in the neighborhood. He's then he was just like, I'm not coming out anymore.

Speaker 17 Sure. And then what was the other thing?

Speaker 12 Well, just one thing I want to ask you. How long have you not been drinking?

Speaker 11 Six years.

Speaker 12 Wow. Muzzletough.

Speaker 17 Congratulations. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Is that seriously? Are you like, okay, I can't tell.

Speaker 3 I can't tell. You got to pull it up.

Speaker 12 I barely joke.

Speaker 16 I am a clown.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean?

Speaker 12 Like, I barely am making a joke. So I'm just coming to terms with that.
No, I'm fully serious, fully earnest. And I've like

Speaker 12 struggled with my drinking, and I just haven't been drinking for the past few months. And I'm like, maybe this is my thing.
Maybe this is who I am now.

Speaker 11 Yeah, don't struggle. You just stare into it.
Yeah. And just totally ruin your life.
And then you go, ah,

Speaker 12 there's one ingredient I could eliminate, and things wouldn't be a good thing.

Speaker 11 I wish I tried a couple of times to stop. I wish I should have stopped.

Speaker 11 Oh, Christ.

Speaker 11 Somewhere in my early 30s, I should have stopped. I knew it was time to stop, and I decided that I was going to go for another 20 years.

Speaker 11 You know, I just figured, you know what?

Speaker 11 What's a couple of decades of having to apologize and regret shit?

Speaker 16 Yeah.

Speaker 11 All right, everybody, we have a new advertiser here in the podcast, the legendary brand. You don't get any more American than this.
Harley-Davidson. Thank you to our sponsor, Harley-Davidson.

Speaker 11 I bought their 2024 Road Glide

Speaker 11 CVO. I absolutely love it.
And if I can look cool on it, so can you. It's like basically if you took the vibe of a Cadillac,

Speaker 11 I can't explain it. I just, it's like a horse.
I look at the thing, I just, it's like I'm riding a Clydesdale. I absolutely love it.
It's fucking huge. Everybody can see me.

Speaker 11 Sometimes I just sit and look at it. How about that? Like, it's a friggin' painting.
It's so gorgeous. What features do I love about it? I love the chop fairing.

Speaker 11 I love the radioed, cranking ACDC, riding a Harley-Davidson. I mean, I ride down the street.
It's such a cool bike. I feel like I know how to fight.
You understand?

Speaker 11 Like, I'll pull over and I'll fight three guys off the vibe of the thing. It's smooth as hell.

Speaker 17 I mean, you know, what are you going to do?

Speaker 11 What are you going to do? You're going to sit on your couch. You're going to get on a Harley-Davidson and ride through the canyons and feel like a fucking American.

Speaker 11 Not to say you can't do that in Canada. If you ever dreamed of hitting the open road on two wheels but didn't know where to start, let me tell you about the Harley-Davidson Riding Academy.

Speaker 11 Whether you're a total newbie or just looking to sharpen your riding skills, Harley's got your back. Their expert instructors will guide you every step of the way.
I'm going to do this on real

Speaker 11 Harley-Davidson motorcycles no less.

Speaker 11 You'll go from what's a clutch to confidently cruising the streets like a pro. Visit harleydavidson.com slash Bill Burr to sign up for the Harley.
I got to do it. I should show up for this thing.

Speaker 11 Harley-Davidson Riding Academy website, which allows you to learn how to ride a motorcycle and get your license. Visit harleydavidson.com/slash Bill Burr to sign up.

Speaker 11 That's got to be the most fun stuff I've ever read on this podcast. Very excited for that.
I want to take that class. You know what I mean? Andrew?

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 11 This is the next one we got. Oh, look who it is, everybody.
It's HIMS.

Speaker 11 Guys, sometimes intimate moments happen spontaneously.

Speaker 11 And we always want to be ready so we can perform in the bedroom. HIMS provides access.
What are you eating these things like gummies just in case it happens?

Speaker 11 HIMS provides access to treatments that can help you stay hard and last longer, giving you the boost and confidence you need so you can be ready whenever the mood strikes.

Speaker 11 Your sex life is important, but your schedule is busy. You don't have the time for foreplay.
Just pop one.

Speaker 11 No, you don't have the time to go to a doctor's office and get treated for erectile dysfunction. Through HIMS, you can get a personalized ED treatment without stepping foot outside your door.

Speaker 11 Guys, ever feel like you need a little boost in the bedroom?

Speaker 11 It's time you stop worrying about your performance and get HIMS so you feel confident knowing you can stay hard, get hard, and stay hard whenever you're in the mood.

Speaker 11 HIMS is changing men's health care by providing you with access to affordable sexual health treatments from the comfort of your couch.

Speaker 11 HIMS provides access to a range of doctors' trusted ED treatments like chewable hard mints in Viagra and

Speaker 11 Sialis, however you say it, and they're generics for up to 95% cheaper.

Speaker 11 The process is 100% online, so there's no need for uncomfortable doctor visits. So you're saying your dick doesn't work? That is, in fact, what I am saying, doctor.

Speaker 11 Just answer a series of questions on their site, and a medical provider will determine the right treatment option. If prescribed, your medication ships directly to you in discrete packaging for free.

Speaker 11 No insurance is needed, and one low price covers everything from treatments to ongoing care.

Speaker 11 With hundreds of thousands of trusted subscribers, HIMS can help you, can help you find the erectile dysfunction option that works for you. Start your free online visit today at HIMS.com/slash burr.

Speaker 11 That's h-im-s.com/slash burr for your personalized personalized erectile dysfunction treatment options. HIMS.com/slash burr.

Speaker 11 The products mentioned are chewable compound products which are not approved by or verified for the safety or effectiveness by the FDA.

Speaker 11 Prescriptions require an online consultation with the healthcare provider who will determine if appropriate. Reactions, restriction supply.

Speaker 11 See website for details and important safety information.

Speaker 11 Subscription required. Price varies based on product and subscription plan.
All right, let's get around.

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Manascalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 7 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd.

Speaker 6 Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 9 coming.

Speaker 4 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 12 And do you do anything else? Like weed, mushrooms, whatever?

Speaker 15 Yeah, I smoke weed, you know, nothing crazy.

Speaker 11 I'm like a two-puff guy, and then I'm just like, ugh, I don't like that. And then like, the gummies are too strong.

Speaker 11 And then every once in a while I take mushrooms. So I took one, like, once a year or twice a year.
So I took one the other day and I thought it was just going to be sort of a body high.

Speaker 11 And I was by myself and it it

Speaker 11 got into vivid color. And then it got into like, what's going on with that guy's face, right? And

Speaker 11 I was going, when I was talking about the gloom and doom, I remember my trip ended with me laying on my side going, it'll all be over soon.

Speaker 11 Just repeating that to myself because sort of the overwhelming,

Speaker 19 I don't know.

Speaker 11 It's why I don't watch the news. And I actually find watching people arguing back and forth online, I find it depressing.

Speaker 12 Oh my God, it's meant to dehumanize you.

Speaker 3 Is that, I don't know what it is. Absolutely.

Speaker 12 And it's meant to make you feel like there's no hope. The reason I

Speaker 11 just can't believe people fall for it. It's like you watch a video about, it's part of Michael Jordan, or it's about somebody making like a cake or something.

Speaker 11 And then some of you are like, yeah, thanks, Joe Biden. Or they're like, yeah, not in Donald Trump's thing.
And then these people just jump on the hook.

Speaker 14 And they just do that.

Speaker 11 And a lot of times, I guess they're just bots trying to get you to interact. And if I was running shit, let me tell you something, me and my two by four.
Oh, Billy, gonna clean up the streets.

Speaker 13 What's up?

Speaker 11 I, you would be, you would, if you had a fucking robot that was out there trying to get people in your own country to argue about politics, about everything, you would be hung in the street for fucking treason.

Speaker 11 That's right. I would fucking

Speaker 11 get all of those guys on CNN Fox News right in fucking jail. Yep.
You make money off of dividing Americans every fucking day. And like, like that bullshit.

Speaker 11 Like, CNN was talking about the CEO guy, and they were all, but the reactions.

Speaker 3 Yes.

Speaker 11 And people are not into this stuff. It's like they didn't know that.

Speaker 11 And now the only reason why they're talking about it is because everybody's talking about it, and they're just using it to get views and make some fucking money.

Speaker 12 I think that's so fucking out of touch.

Speaker 12 Like, okay, so the reason I am in an act, why I am an activist and involved in progressive politics is because I am very scared and so desperately need to have hope. And I see good people doing it.

Speaker 11 I just thought you wanted to get beaten up in a park.

Speaker 11 That's what being an activist.

Speaker 12 No, that actually works just being a woman.

Speaker 16 But

Speaker 12 I need it. And there are good, smart, excellent fucking people in the right places at the right time.
And here's like, also, like, you make me optimistic.

Speaker 12 I actually thought you were so funny and great when I was a kid, but like you saying this right now, I feel empowered to, I feel relieved and empowered, you know? Like, I didn't,

Speaker 12 I guess part of this is why you thought I would perceive you as some man or whatever, but it's like a fucking meathead.

Speaker 12 Yeah, but it's like, you know, it's like, you give me hope and those people give me hope. And actually, when it comes down to the popular vote, it was pretty much 50-50.

Speaker 12 By the final count, it was like off by 2 million.

Speaker 14 That's like pretty much 50-50.

Speaker 11 I didn't even watch it.

Speaker 12 And then he gained.

Speaker 11 Do you think that maybe as a woman, you're thinking too much?

Speaker 3 For sure.

Speaker 12 For sure. I need to be...

Speaker 11 Missy, just leave those

Speaker 11 big problems for men.

Speaker 12 I need to like

Speaker 13 submit and calm down.

Speaker 12 I agree. But I can't stop thinking.
And I'm also a masculine woman, so I do just have those wheels turning and I'm doing all those calculations. He gained 3 million followers.

Speaker 3 Okay. Voters.

Speaker 12 The guy who won the election.

Speaker 3 Listen. But

Speaker 3 they, Democrats.

Speaker 12 They, Democrats, lost 8 million. And I think it's because people were so dehumanized seeing all this

Speaker 13 murder and harmful shit.

Speaker 11 Well, I thought it was because they had Mr. Magoo in office.
I thought that that was the big problem. At the last second.

Speaker 3 That too. That too.

Speaker 12 And also that our tax dollars are like going to all this horrible murder, I think, was like what was so dehumanizing.

Speaker 11 I just think the last three presidents' elections, like what we were choosing

Speaker 11 shouldn't be acceptable to anybody. It should not be acceptable.
It's a fucking joke.

Speaker 3 It's a big money in power.

Speaker 11 You've got a guy who starts a sentence, and by the time he gets to the end of it, he can't remember what he said in the beginning. And then you have like the biggest con artist ever.

Speaker 11 And, you know, what about liberals? The last three elections, they didn't let you pick who you were voting for.

Speaker 15 That's right.

Speaker 11 Bernie Sanders, two times in a row, they're like, no, fuck you. Here's the company, man.
And then they stick with Mr. Magoo

Speaker 11 until like fucking three, four months out.

Speaker 5 You know, I don't know.

Speaker 11 I just, I choose.

Speaker 11 I choose to live a small life now. That's all I do.
I try to go to mom and pop places, try to stay out of the box stores.

Speaker 11 I don't want, and I've gotten to the point, not only do I not watch

Speaker 11 politics anymore, I'm starting to pull back from sports because now they're all involved in just like,

Speaker 11 they're all

Speaker 11 entertainment leagues.

Speaker 11 You can pay college players. And now I saw some billionaire going in, going, this is a tremendous opportunity.
Like

Speaker 11 these college teams are going to be for sale. It's just like, do you have to fucking own everything? I know.
Do you have to fucking own everything? Why can't you just, and then what? And then what?

Speaker 11 If they're going to move Alabama to Memphis if they don't give them a new fucking stadium like they do at a pro level, It's like you can't get away.

Speaker 11 You can't get away. That's what I hate: is you cannot fucking like, where is my escape from all of this shit?

Speaker 11 Like, I'm watching, like, the World Series, and in the middle of it, they have this stand-up for cancer, and everybody stands up sad, holding these signs.

Speaker 11 And everybody knows somebody that dies of cancer, but nobody brings up that our food supply is totally fucking poisoned.

Speaker 11 And then, if you sit there going, like, can I just watch a fucking baseball game without being reminded that corporations are killing their own fucking countrymen and nobody's going to do or say anything about it.

Speaker 11 But if you stand at a baseball game with fucking tears in your eyes, like the Indian with the pollution when I was a kid, which they also did nothing about, like I'm supposed to somehow feel better.

Speaker 11 It's annoying. So now I'm just into music.

Speaker 3 I just listen to music. I love it.
I love it.

Speaker 14 I listen to that. I just made you a little show of thing.

Speaker 3 Oh, wait,

Speaker 11 fucking music.

Speaker 3 That's my wheelhouse.

Speaker 12 Alfred Burr, I think you're doing exactly what you're supposed to. I think you're

Speaker 14 curling up into a ball.

Speaker 12 Yes, and also giving peace and focusing on your

Speaker 12 personal world and what makes you feel safe and healthy.

Speaker 11 As a you sound like a therapist wrapping up our session and there's some other levels.

Speaker 3 No, we are out of time. No, we're not out of time.

Speaker 11 We are out of time and you're just putting up healthy boundaries.

Speaker 12 I want to say, I um, I, for me, I'm like, I am here to fight for X number of years.

Speaker 3 For me, Billy,

Speaker 3 I'm here to fight.

Speaker 12 And I, um, there are, uh, the progressive, there is a progressive movement building, and the people are getting smarter and smarter and smarter.

Speaker 12 And the technology is trying to, you know, beat us, but it won't because it's made by us.

Speaker 11 And when you say we and us, are these the voices in your head, or do you actually have some sort of coalition out there?

Speaker 12 I feel I'm somewhat in touch with Gen Z and millennial culture at large and that I am speaking for, I'll call it a vibe. I won't go so...
I like vibe.

Speaker 12 I won't go so far to say the culture or the people, but I'm speaking to a vibe

Speaker 12 what I believe is accurately.

Speaker 11 All right. Well, I just wanted to have you on because I thought you were fucking hilarious.

Speaker 3 And I know that you have a new special coming up. Making you giggle makes me so happy.

Speaker 11 No, you make me feel like I need to be better at what I do.

Speaker 13 I'm not lying. I love that.

Speaker 12 Oh, my gosh. I make you feel like you need to be a better man.

Speaker 3 I fucking do that. I didn't say that.

Speaker 14 Well, I said better at comedy.

Speaker 12 I said, it is so much.

Speaker 11 Although, do I win an Oscar if I say that? Remember those awful 90s fucking movies?

Speaker 3 That's so sweet. Oh my gosh.

Speaker 12 Stop. I'm just moved.

Speaker 3 We moved on.

Speaker 17 When they would just see me like you're so good.

Speaker 11 I just realized I couldn't drive across town with you. Why? Because I'd have to dominate the conversation.

Speaker 12 You can't drive and submit in a conversation.

Speaker 11 Women in my world are there to listen and validate what I just said.

Speaker 11 I don't know what I was going to say. You got two kids.

Speaker 11 Tell me about.

Speaker 12 Are they teens or above teenage?

Speaker 11 They're 46 and 37.

Speaker 19 I started young.

Speaker 14 So

Speaker 11 when people sit down to watch your special, now that you've given us your fucking manifesto on what's going to be happening here, is this going to be.

Speaker 3 Oh my God, I really sold it well.

Speaker 11 I know, yeah. Is this special going to be on fucking the libertarian channel? Like, what is this?

Speaker 11 Is it going to be on the gay canon progress?

Speaker 12 It's going to be on the gay canon progressive movement sector of Hulu.

Speaker 11 I am going to see my wife after this, and I am going to somehow work gay canon

Speaker 11 into whatever.

Speaker 12 Try to sell it to and see what she says. She's going to call you out so fucking quick, though.

Speaker 3 Oh, no.

Speaker 11 Are you kidding me? If I come home with her ears,

Speaker 14 who the fuck are you protecting?

Speaker 13 That's so funny.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 Gay Cannon. Why didn't you call somebody? Somebody should be calling their special.

Speaker 12 Oh, my God. And that's so funny because it's kind of a euphemism for a butthole.

Speaker 3 Or penis.

Speaker 11 No, that would be be a rocket.

Speaker 11 I don't know. Now I'm just picturing a gay man's gaping asshole, shooting shit out like a pencil.

Speaker 3 A penis, I think.

Speaker 13 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 11 You know, most people, they try to do a little bit of research on gay vernacular before they just loosely throw it out there to the masses.

Speaker 11 Okay, so when is the special coming out?

Speaker 12 It's coming out December 20th. Oh, my God.

Speaker 11 When is this coming out? My heart just skipped forward.

Speaker 19 She was going to be like, it's already out.

Speaker 20 Oh, oh, oh. And I haven't watched that.

Speaker 12 We would just redo it. I have no ego, Bill.
You never have to watch it. And I will cherish this experience.

Speaker 11 Can I tell you something? If you had no ego, there wouldn't be a reason to say that.

Speaker 11 I feel like what you're trying to do

Speaker 11 is like, yeah.

Speaker 17 Noted.

Speaker 11 It's like, you know, people who wear stuff that has spiritual, like they'll have something spiritual written on their shirt.

Speaker 3 Oh my God. Spiritual written is like, girl.

Speaker 12 But if it's like a necklace with a spiritual symbol, I believe it.

Speaker 11 You do?

Speaker 12 Yeah.

Speaker 17 Somebody wears a cross or a Jewish shirt.

Speaker 11 Is it negated by dreadlocks as a white person?

Speaker 12 As a white person, yes.

Speaker 11 White dreads, but so you see the necklace, okay, and you're like, oh my God, spiritual. Then you see the dreads, you're like, oh, my God, no.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 11 But then you see them with a Bernie Sanders

Speaker 11 tambourine.

Speaker 11 Does it come back around again?

Speaker 12 No. First of all, first thing I'm noticing is the dreads for sure.
On a white person, I'm like, whoa, you have dreads?

Speaker 12 And if they're holding a tambourine, I would say that I'm noticing the cross last, and I have no conclusion to draw.

Speaker 11 What is that white dread thing? Is that just I have no personality? I have to desperately seem like I'm interesting.

Speaker 3 Is that what it is? Your words.

Speaker 11 Why can't you come along for the ride?

Speaker 3 I am. I'm not.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 Agreed.

Speaker 17 Agreed? Okay. No personality?

Speaker 12 Yeah, I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know what it is, but maybe that.

Speaker 3 All right, so

Speaker 14 how do you think this one?

Speaker 11 This one's pretty good.

Speaker 12 Oh, I'm delighted.

Speaker 3 I could go on.

Speaker 14 Chatting here with a guy.

Speaker 12 Now who has the healthy boundaries? Ending the conversation.

Speaker 11 No, I have to get back to a writer's room.

Speaker 14 I got to go. Oh, my gosh, that's right.

Speaker 11 It just never stops.

Speaker 17 That's right. That's right.

Speaker 3 Oh, my gosh.

Speaker 11 If you could just write up till December 24th at midnight, that would be fantastic. Yeah.

Speaker 11 Then we'll read it over the break.

Speaker 11 You say Happy New Year and then you get back in the room.

Speaker 12 Also, no, you fucking won't read it over the break. You're going to come back to me mid-Jan and be like, well, we're getting to it this weekend.

Speaker 11 Mid-Jan. Yeah.

Speaker 17 I like how you talk. Mid-Jan.
Thank you.

Speaker 11 Canon Fodder.

Speaker 19 Canon Fodder. Human Magic.

Speaker 12 Human Magic. December 20th on Hulu.
Where did you shoot Disney Plus Worldwide?

Speaker 17 Toronto, Elgin, and Winter Garden Theater. Oh, that's cool.

Speaker 11 Why Canada? Are you Canadian?

Speaker 12 No, I had just done everything else.

Speaker 13 Oh, all right.

Speaker 12 You know, I was so lucky, though, because...

Speaker 11 You just conquered every other mountain. You're like, this is done with this country.

Speaker 11 What is Drake running Toronto?

Speaker 14 Fuck that bitch.

Speaker 11 Here I come.

Speaker 12 But I was so lucky because Toronto is such a good.

Speaker 3 Town to perform for.

Speaker 13 I was like, oh my God, this.

Speaker 11 And I also love that Montreal hates them.

Speaker 3 Didn't realize that. Didn't know that.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 11 It's a hockey thing. I just like

Speaker 11 it's a weird hatred where like they hate Toronto almost as much as they hate the Bruins, but at least we've won and we've beat them in series.

Speaker 11 Toronto never makes the fucking playoffs and they hate them. But what it comes down to, I think, is they're more English speaking, and Montreal thinks they're French, which is fucking hilarious.

Speaker 3 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean?

Speaker 11 Yeah, like

Speaker 11 it's like

Speaker 11 I always tease Rich Voss for how hard he talks about Israel.

Speaker 3 And it's just I don't know that person.

Speaker 11 He's just.

Speaker 17 A Jew.

Speaker 11 You know what he is? He's a golf hustler in New Jersey, like weighing in on this.

Speaker 15 Golf?

Speaker 11 Yeah, golf hustler.

Speaker 12 And is he a comedian?

Speaker 11 Sort of.

Speaker 17 Copy that.

Speaker 3 Incredible. This is off for Rich.
I love it, bitch.

Speaker 12 I love it. It's off what?

Speaker 3 Off Rich? Hysteric.

Speaker 11 I told him, I go, Rich, Israel considers you Jewish the way French people consider Montreal people as French.

Speaker 3 That's fine. You're not.

Speaker 11 You're fucking American. That's right.
They're Canadian.

Speaker 14 Thank you, sir.

Speaker 11 And keep your face out of our business.

Speaker 11 You're bringing us down. No, I love Rich,

Speaker 11 but not his comedy.

Speaker 15 Love it. I want to make that statement.

Speaker 12 That's so funny, and I love that.

Speaker 11 Okay. All right.
Well, thank you for coming on. Thanks for having me.
I'm so psyched to finally have met you.

Speaker 12 Me too.

Speaker 12 I'm going to just text you annoying shit.

Speaker 13 You're going to be like, fuck.

Speaker 3 You're going to really regret it.

Speaker 12 I'm going to send you. And progressive, like queer canon is what I'm going to send you.

Speaker 11 Well, what I'm going to do is it's going to be a slow.

Speaker 11 slow build build towards QAnon. Nice.
Right. And I'm just going to do it, but then I'm going to be cool in between and where you're like, all right, maybe I didn't get that.

Speaker 3 Yeah, right, right.

Speaker 11 And then I'm just going to sort of curate it where you just think I'm slowly losing my fucking mind.

Speaker 12 Just controlling my woman mind. I'm going to fall for it so hard.

Speaker 11 And then I go total flat earth.

Speaker 11 Very good.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 11 The special is called Human Magic. It's on Hulu

Speaker 11 and Disney Plus. Alana Glazer, one of the fucking brilliant comedic minds we have today.
Thank you so much for coming on the podcast.

Speaker 11 Oh my God. Thank you guys for watching.
Have a wonderful weekend.

Speaker 11 And that's all I got. We'll see ya.

Speaker 5 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, December 12th, 2016. What's going on?

Speaker 2 How are you?

Speaker 5 I've got to be a little quiet, man. It's only like 6.30 in the morning out here.
My lovely wife is still sleeping.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 so I'm trying not to wake her up. I'm upstairs.
Gonna try to be a good boy this fucking week, alright?

Speaker 5 I'm still gonna say all the fucked up shit I always say. I'm just gonna say it at a volume.
It's you know a little more palatable.

Speaker 5 You know, I woke up this morning, badooba doop boop. I heard this big fucking booming noise.
And you ever get that feeling like, you're like, did I just dream that? Or is somebody in the house?

Speaker 2 Right?

Speaker 5 And then you immediately start thinking, like, all right, I got kitchen knives.

Speaker 5 I got a fucking softball bat right next to my bed and uh but the reality is you know as much as people are a want gun control and all of that shit i mean that's the first thing you think of you know

Speaker 5 the re you know there should be a fucking thing right

Speaker 5 where if you can if you look if they can fucking test you one goddamn time You answer like five fucking questions and then all of a sudden you never have to go through any sort of fucking fucking you know major security at the airport because one time you didn't act like a fucking lunatic and then i guess you're good for the rest of your life why can't just like one time they can't come up with the same type of a test whatever the fuck they're seeing down at the airport they can't come up with that for fucking regular people you know you know what would be perfect just to have a fucking 38 and they let you have a silencer Nah, fuck that, a Glock with the silencer.

Speaker 5 Because you don't want to ruin your ears. You just want to kill the person that comes in your house, right? It'd be great.
It'd be right there next to your table.

Speaker 5 And the person comes walking in, you know, give me all your fucking money. Just reach over.

Speaker 5 He fucking hit the ground. You put the gun back down.
You just go back to sleep. And, you know, a couple hours wake back up again.
You're like,

Speaker 22 hey, who's this?

Speaker 25 That your brother-in-law came up. Oh.

Speaker 5 Oh, that's right. That's right.

Speaker 3 Honey.

Speaker 5 Yeah, while you were sleeping, some guy broke in. Yeah, he's dead.

Speaker 5 You want to call the cops? I'll get some, you know, get the coffee going.

Speaker 5 You know,

Speaker 5 everybody, you know, they tell you, don't have a knife or anything like that.

Speaker 5 Bat will give you distance. But at the end of the day, you know what I mean? There has to be some sort of test.
They look at your fucking driving record, right? How you did in high school.

Speaker 5 Jesus, I'd be out the window. I don't know what the fuck.
However the fuck they do it, okay?

Speaker 5 And, you know,

Speaker 5 you just get, you get a, you get a Glock with a fucking silencer. You don't hurt your ears, you know?

Speaker 5 You aim center mass or whatever, it would be a great fucking thing.

Speaker 5 I really think it would be a great thing, you know, as long as you knew what everybody's feet sounded like on the floor in your house, as long as you knew what their walk sounded like, that would be the test, right?

Speaker 5 All your loved ones in your house, they would, from bare feet to fucking snowshoes, you just had to be like, all right, that's my son, Mikey.

Speaker 5 Okay, that's my wife, and she's wearing Uggs, right? And you get it all down.

Speaker 5 All right, so then you know what the fucking sound is.

Speaker 5 I don't know. I'm just saying, I had a little fucking heard of noise.
I got a little nervous, so I was just like,

Speaker 5 what am I, Jason fucking born over here? I'm not, you know?

Speaker 5 My wife's been snoring to beat the fucking band now that she's in the third trimester, which is understandable. The kid's laying on her fucking lungs.
So I have to go upstairs to sleep.

Speaker 5 And all of this shit went through my fucking head.

Speaker 5 Right? Like what if somebody came in downstairs, took out my wife and left with no fucking fingerprints. They're going to fucking blame me.
That's the first thing I thought.

Speaker 5 Not, oh my God, my pregnant wife was going to be dead. First thing I thought is, I'm going to go to jail for that shit.
That's what, you know, I'm really selfish when I'm in the middle of the night.

Speaker 5 I'm really groggy. Like, like right now, I'm awake and I'd be like, well, I would be too, I wouldn't give a fuck what they did to me at that point.
I'd be so upset that I lost my wife.

Speaker 5 But when I'm laying here nice and toasty under the sheets that's the first thing i thought of like oh man i love this bed that man i wouldn't have this bed in jail

Speaker 5 anyways um

Speaker 5 we're getting down to it people there's only another fucking uh

Speaker 5 19 days left in this year dude fuck christmas by the way christmas right up the old fucking yahoo all right fuck that stupid ass fucking holiday it's for fucking kids the level of fucking pressure I have to run around and buy fucking adults

Speaker 5 fucking presents.

Speaker 5 What do you want to choo-choo train? You fucking cunt? I don't have time for this shit. I got too much other stuff to do.

Speaker 5 You know?

Speaker 5 It's fucking brutal, man. I had one of the worst...

Speaker 5 One of the worst fucking. I wasn't going to talk about this.
I had one of the worst fucking weeks of my life, and this Christmas music in the background is fucking driving me nuts.

Speaker 5 I'm going to gloss over all of this shit because because I've never gotten emotional on the podcast. I do not want to do it now.

Speaker 5 You know, I told you one of my good friends died. I went to the memorial service, and

Speaker 5 you know, his two, you know, he's got two kids, 10 years old, went up and spoke at it. It's the most heart-wrenching thing I ever saw.

Speaker 5 And then Thursday, I know this is going to be probably devastating to a lot of you guys. I had to give my dog away.

Speaker 5 Yes.

Speaker 5 Oh, Cleo. I had to do it.
I got got a baby coming. And

Speaker 5 the Cleo that you hear on the podcast is not the Cleo that,

Speaker 5 unfortunately, when anybody else comes to the door. And, you know, she tried to attack my parents, my brother-in-law, my father-in-law, all of my friends.

Speaker 5 She bit one of my friends, nipped him, and was just like,

Speaker 5 you know.

Speaker 5 It was a ticking fucking time bond for seven years with the dog. I love the dog to death.
My wife loves the dog. It was fucking devast.
It's the most devastating thing I've had to do.

Speaker 5 It's just one of those adult decisions where it was like

Speaker 5 my brain was like, there's no fucking way you can have a baby crawling around that then becomes a toddler and they don't know how to fucking pet a dog and then she gets a little older and then has friends over and their parents come over.

Speaker 5 It was just a

Speaker 5 it was a ticking time bomb. She does not do well adjusting to new things, and something horrible was going to happen, and then she was going to get put down.

Speaker 5 So I had to do the responsible thing and found her a great home. And this is what kills me: she's totally adjusted now and is fucking happy as shit.

Speaker 5 And I'm fucking devastated because she's a fucking dog. And within four days, they're like, oh, is this the new deal? You're the guy now?

Speaker 25 All right.

Speaker 5 So

Speaker 5 I'll tell you a quick story, dude. Uh, fucking, I had to hand the dog off to my trainer, right? So the whole morning, I don't want to act emotional because I don't want the dog to be nervous.

Speaker 5 And so I took her on one last hike. It was fucking brutal.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 then I was gathering up all her stuff. I give it all to the trainer, and I go to hand off the fucking dog.
And it's like I didn't want her to be nervous. So I barely even said goodbye.

Speaker 5 I was like, all right, buddy, okay, see you later. Because I didn't want it to be nervous because I love it so much.
And then I fucking,

Speaker 5 you know,

Speaker 5 the trainer takes it. And then I went back in the house, went to the bathroom, and then fucking cried like a little boy.

Speaker 7 It was fucking brutal.

Speaker 25 Ah, brutal.

Speaker 5 You know, it's fucking hilarious. My the way women handle this fucking emotion,

Speaker 5 like

Speaker 5 my wife

Speaker 5 sobbed like five or six fucking times,

Speaker 5 including the night before and then they their ability to fucking move ahead is is fucking astounding

Speaker 5 like they can they can

Speaker 5 know it's sad deal with it being sad they fucking cry it out of them and then I'm not saying she's not heartbroken she's fucking devastated but like their ability their fucking ability to handle shit like that versus a guy guys fucking deny, deny, deny, and then they just hold on to the shit.

Speaker 5 You know what I mean? Everybody's got that fucking buddy of theirs. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 They're married, they got a couple of kids, but you get like two, three scotches in them. They start talking about some broad from fucking 25 years ago.

Speaker 5 It's like, dude, when are you going to let it go? Because, you know, we're not allowed.

Speaker 5 Like when I cried over my dog, the whole time I was fighting it, so it was like an eight-second cry.

Speaker 20 Pooh-hoo!

Speaker 5 Done.

Speaker 14 All right, fight it off.

Speaker 5 Just keep it right there in your chest. Keep it fucking right there.

Speaker 5 And then, you know, I'm telling you, fucking like nine years from now, I'll be at a fucking Christmas party and have a couple too many fucking Zinfandales.

Speaker 5 And I'll lash out at somebody and they'd be like, dude, where the fuck did that come from? And it's, and I'm not even going to know. It's going to be because I didn't hug my dog before.

Speaker 5 I mean, I definitely, you know, I did with the days coming up and that type of shit, but I should have given it one last fucking hug, but I knew I couldn't do it. You know?

Speaker 5 So,

Speaker 5 all right, let's pass that. Let's get past that.
Anyways,

Speaker 5 so I went to the Rams game yesterday.

Speaker 5 By the way, I did hit pause to regroup.

Speaker 5 Brutal, brutal, fucking, brutal week. And the whole fucking time, I got to sit here and listen to fucking Christmas music everywhere I go.

Speaker 5 You know, if I had a hammer, I'd hammer. Is that a fucking Christmas song?

Speaker 5 It's kind of a fucking psycho song, right? Second Second Adult Says, if I had a hammer. We all know what a hammer's for, dude.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 5 I don't know. I always get nervous when I hear that first sentence.
If I had a hammer.

Speaker 5 Anyway, so I went to the Rams versus

Speaker 5 Atlanta Falcons game yesterday.

Speaker 5 A buddy of mine had tickets, and

Speaker 5 I was like, dude, I got to go because I really wanted to see the Los Angeles Rams playing in the L.A. Memorial Coliseum.
I mean, that's where all the the greats played from the Rams' history, right?

Speaker 5 I believe Eric Dickerson played there before he went to, before they moved down to Anaheim. Probably the last of the greats to play there.

Speaker 5 The Fearsome Foresome, right?

Speaker 5 Lamar Lundy, Merlin Olson, Rosie Greer, Deacon Jones.

Speaker 5 Who else? Roman Gabriel. That was all before my time.
Then I came in when it was the fucking quarterback controversy of Pat Hayden, Vince Ferragamo,

Speaker 5 Wendell Tyler, right? Jim and Jack Youngblood.

Speaker 5 What was crazy about them is back then, if somebody had the same, always, if somebody has the same last name as you, they put just your first initial and then a period. But it was Jack and Jim.

Speaker 5 So they had to write their whole names. It said Jack Youngblood on the back.
It never looked right. It looked fucking weird.

Speaker 5 But anyways,

Speaker 5 I went there and it was the typical LA

Speaker 5 sporting experience that you a lot of times where

Speaker 5 there's just as many fans, if not more fans, because it's a transient city. It really has nothing to do with LA fans.
There's just so many people like myself that moved out here, you know,

Speaker 5 chasing the old Hollywood dream. Or if people are just fucking sick of,

Speaker 5 you know, just bad weather. People are just always fucking moving here.

Speaker 5 By the way, dude, I'm telling you right now, dude, this fucking real estate bubble out here of them building all of these fucking luxury apartment buildings.

Speaker 5 You know where I fucking go over and play hockey? They got this thing, the Pickwick hockey thing that's also a bowling alley and a function room. They're fucking knocking that whole thing down.

Speaker 5 Knocking that whole fucking thing down because they're going to

Speaker 5 have luxury apartments. It's just, there's going to be no place to skate out here.
The one that was over in fucking, was it Century City or some shit? I was getting confused over there.

Speaker 5 It begins with the C. It ain't cut.
I don't know what it is. They fucking that one's done.
Now this one's gone.

Speaker 5 The only other ones I know, there's one down by the airport, and there's one over near like

Speaker 5 near Sherman Oaks, Valley Ice Center. And other than that,

Speaker 5 I don't know. I'll have to fucking go buy some rollerblades, right?

Speaker 5 Some little fucking short shorts, do that stupid thing, you know, where you set up the cones and you come up to them and turn around backwards, right?

Speaker 5 anyways

Speaker 5 yeah dude so they have uh so they have this this they put up this fucking one building right

Speaker 5 and uh really impressive building it's over near Beverly Hills so I was just like I you know see what that building is about I go on the internet right it's called the 10,000

Speaker 5 I'm like all right why is it called the ten thousand it's called the ten thousand

Speaker 5 because that's the amount of month money you have to pay a month to live there I guess bare minimum how fucking tacky is it? Like, how many times are we going to fucking do this?

Speaker 11 You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 It's like we always act, there's always like some sort of like crash, and everybody fucking loses everything. And by everybody, I mean the fucking lower 99% gets their fucking asses kicked.

Speaker 5 And then, you know, give it a couple years, and all of a sudden, it just comes right back around again to the Bud Fox. Greed is good.

Speaker 22 Dude, how fucking tacky is that?

Speaker 5 The name of the building is the minimum,

Speaker 5 is how much you're paying in rent.

Speaker 5 Jesus Christ, have a little bit of fucking class.

Speaker 5 Um,

Speaker 5 yeah, they're just everywhere. They're putting up luxury apartments.

Speaker 5 I don't know where the fuck they're going to find all these people to fill these things, but I guarantee you, um, they're not going to do it.

Speaker 5 Like, I was thinking of buying a small apartment building out here, but everybody's fucking buying them up. I can't even afford to fucking get in one.

Speaker 5 Or, you know, just because it's stupid, it's like at the height of the fucking market.

Speaker 5 You know, I was thinking of buying like a parking garage or some shit, just a parking lot, you know. Who the fuck are all these people gonna park?

Speaker 5 I guess that building parking underneath the goddamn things. Ah, they got it all figured out.

Speaker 5 You know, I guess I'll be telling jokes for the rest of my fucking life. I'm trying to have some sort of something, a lemonade stand or something, where I get into my older fucking years.

Speaker 5 I got some sort of loot coming in that doesn't have to do with me fucking putting on my tap dancing shoes. I don't know.
So, anyways, I went to the um

Speaker 5 the uh los angeles rams game yesterday and it was so great to see them play there even though they had a fucking brutal game they were down 42 to nothing to maddie ice and fucking uh

Speaker 5 uh fucking the rams and i i mean the the

Speaker 5 the falcons and evidently their best receiver whoever the fuck that is Julio Jones or some shit. I think I heard that name.
Is that a baseball player? I don't know.

Speaker 5 I don't play fantasy sports and I'm too fucking busy to really pay attention as much as I used to. He wasn't even playing and they just kicked the shit out of him.
You know what's funny?

Speaker 5 The Rams finally scored a touchdown, right? To make it 42-7 and they lit the Olympic torch.

Speaker 5 I'm sure they just light it late at night, but it seemed like that's when I first noticed that it was on. And then they also had a fumble recovery for a touchdown.
The crowds going nuts.

Speaker 5 So whenever that happens live, the first thing I do is try to pick up a referee to see if I see, you know, him going, no, no, no, no, no, it's a dead ball, or if he's saying touchdown.

Speaker 5 And as the guy was crossing the goal line, you could see the ref was already going, no, no, no, pointing at the ground saying it was, you know,

Speaker 5 either the guy was down or whatever, right? And the fucking fireworks guy, the fucking fireworks guy shoots the fireworks off on a touchdown that got called back.

Speaker 5 It's fucking hilarious because they're not selling out games, you know.

Speaker 5 They're probably, I bet that guy got chewed out. Fucking owner probably came down in his camel-haired coat.

Speaker 8 You know, where the fuck is a goddamn fireworks guy?

Speaker 5 I'm sorry,

Speaker 5 Mr. Fucking Owner.

Speaker 5 Shut the fuck up. It's coming out of your pay.
He's down there fucking crying.

Speaker 5 But it was just such a great stadium. It holds 90,000 people.
For the life of me, can somebody explain to me

Speaker 5 why the Los Angeles Rams need a new football stadium? There's a football stadium. There's two of them.
There's the Rose Bowl and there's there's the fucking LA Memorial Coliseum.

Speaker 5 Why do we have to take more fucking natural resources out of the fucking earth to build another one of these stupid ass fucking stadiums? Huh?

Speaker 5 So they can have luxury boxes and put all the bells and whistles on it.

Speaker 5 You know, so they can attract people who aren't into sports to go to the fucking event.

Speaker 5 I love that fucking stadium. I had a great time.
I love that it's a so-called shithole. I think it's great.

Speaker 5 Do you know there was 62 steps to get from fucking where I was seating, sitting back up to the main concourse to fucking walk out of the stadium? It's fucking tremendous. 62 steps.

Speaker 5 You know, it makes you drink less. You're burning a bunch of calories.
There's less fat fucks. But now what do they say? Oh, that's a fire hazard.

Speaker 5 The incline's too steep.

Speaker 5 We're fucking, we're so soft in this fucking country. That's why like everybody's trying to get me all freaked out about having a kid, about how difficult it's going to be.

Speaker 5 And I'm not saying it's not going to be difficult, but it's like, people,

Speaker 5 women used to have kids, and then they'd fucking die.

Speaker 5 And then the fucking guy had to go out, bury his wife, and get behind a team of oxen, plow some rocky goddamn field, and then fucking, I don't know, feed the kid, I don't know, goat's milk at that point.

Speaker 5 I have no idea. And somehow he did it.

Speaker 5 You know,

Speaker 5 people have survived plagues. I can't fucking be in a house with central air conditioning and heat and all of this shit.
You know, I mean, how much fucking harder is.

Speaker 5 Oh, God. I wish parents from fucking in the past could come and listen to the way people fucking whine and go on and on about themselves, you know, and the way they lecture people who don't have kids.

Speaker 7 Dude, you have no idea.

Speaker 5 Oh, my God. It's so shut the fuck up.

Speaker 5 These fucking people coming over, you know,

Speaker 5 come paddling over from Cuba on a fucking refrigerator door, fighting off sharks. You know, and you can't change a couple of diapers.
I'm telling you, people are fucking, they're pussies.

Speaker 5 They're fucking soft. People are fucking soft.
They fucking bitch moan and complain. Yes, yes, there's things in life, you know.
I'd say at this point with all the modern gadgets.

Speaker 5 All right, if you have a job, if you're not worried about money as far as you have enough fucking money to make your rent and all that stuff, I I mean, a kid shouldn't be any more difficult considering the love back that you're going to get, other than, you know, a major fucking adjustment and something that's inconvenient.

Speaker 5 But I mean, come on.

Speaker 5 It's difficult.

Speaker 5 Yeah, compared to the rest of you, compared to what, sitting down and playing PlayStation at fucking 38 years of age.

Speaker 5 I might eat these words, but I mean, I'm just comparing it to the fact that, you know,

Speaker 5 these people used to live in the fucking middle of nowhere. They'd have like 14 fucking kids.

Speaker 5 I can't handle one.

Speaker 5 I got all the sports packages, right?

Speaker 5 I mean, my fucking life's a joke, literally.

Speaker 5 Anyways, I don't know. Let's try to stay on topic here.
I have no fucking idea

Speaker 5 why they need a new stadium.

Speaker 5 It's,

Speaker 5 you know, I can't talk and type in my password.

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 5 Stick with it, Bill. Focus.
Oh, and he does it.

Speaker 5 Anyway, so we went to the game, and I had a great time. And the fucking Atlanta fans were like, just the amount of shit talking.
Dude, there was this one guy.

Speaker 5 This one fucking guy.

Speaker 5 He bought those fucking wide receiver gloves, you know, where they have the logo of the team and then they cross their hands and they put their hands up over their heads.

Speaker 5 You know, like when the fucking franchise player scores a touchdown, he does that and it looks cool. He was doing that at the end of the game.
Just holding his hands up

Speaker 5 facing the fucking

Speaker 5 Rams fans. I'm telling you, dude, this guy was like 50.

Speaker 23 All right.

Speaker 5 You know, all wire, thin, you know,

Speaker 5 street dude, right? 50 years old. And he walked out and he was making, doing a selfie video as he walked out.

Speaker 5 You know, talking all this shit. It's like, dude, you beat the fucking Rams.
I mean, let's fucking relax. You're not beating the Giants.
You're not beating Seattle. You're not beating the Cowboys.

Speaker 5 You're not doing shit this year.

Speaker 5 Fucking guy running out like they just want a playoff game.

Speaker 5 I don't know what it is about me, but I fucking hate when the fans from the visiting team take over a stadium, even if I don't give a fuck about the team. I respect the Rams.

Speaker 5 So next thing you know, I'm talking all this shit to Rams fan. I mean, to Falcons fans.

Speaker 22 In the back of my head, I'm like, why are you doing this, Bill?

Speaker 5 You don't give a fuck.

Speaker 5 It's just Rams fans, they didn't have anything.

Speaker 5 They weren't coming with the shit talk back. They couldn't.
They were down 42.7,

Speaker 2 right?

Speaker 5 42.14, I think, was the final. So at one point, you know, when they went up 42 to nothing, all these Falcon fans start chanting, ATL, ATL, ATL.

Speaker 23 And

Speaker 5 I just started yelling, You're a hub city.

Speaker 5 No one goes to Atlanta.

Speaker 5 We pass through your city onto our final destination.

Speaker 5 I started yelling all this shit about Delta Airlines. I believe that that's the hub there.

Speaker 5 And afterwards, I just started thinking, why do I care? Oh, and then I also screamed at the fucking Atlanta's punter.

Speaker 5 He fucking punted the ball and this guy had a nice run back and he comes off the field.

Speaker 5 Now, granted, he could have been mad that he kicked it to the wrong guy or he's supposed to kick it away, but he came off the field and he did the double fucking pulling the chin straps off and he was like

Speaker 5 and he's screaming all this

Speaker 5 he was all upset

Speaker 5 i went off on him i don't remember what the i said i was just so beside myself that a punter would talk that level of it's like dude sit the down

Speaker 5 have they washed your uniform once this year you fucking dope

Speaker 5 You're closer to sitting in the stands than you are actually being on that fucking. You know what I mean? You know what it'd be like?

Speaker 5 It'd be like if this guy was in the army and he's he like peels potatoes and he's talking shit because he cut his finger or something like that.

Speaker 5 And meanwhile, he's sitting around a bunch of people that just came back from the front lines. That's how I look at it.
I mean, I might be a cunt. I have no idea.

Speaker 5 So, anyways, when I was sitting there watching the Rams game,

Speaker 5 I mentioned to my buddy that

Speaker 5 how there used to be

Speaker 5 a football stadium. I couldn't remember the name of it.
First, I said the Baker Bowl, and I was like, I think that might be in Philly.

Speaker 5 But there was was a stadium for anybody who lives out here in L.A., a lot of people, you know, L.A.'s really bad about their history.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 they had a stadium

Speaker 5 that was down where the Farmer's Market is

Speaker 5 on Fairfax and Beverly. There's actually a baseball stadium there, too.
I don't know anything about that, but they had a stadium called the Gilmore Stadium.

Speaker 5 called Gilmore Stadium. And they had a couple of NFL like all-star games there.
And then they had like some defunct football league, like the LA Bulldogs or some shit played there.

Speaker 5 I looked, looked it up on Wikipedia

Speaker 5 early this morning. I couldn't

Speaker 5 sleep that well. A little heartbroken Billy here couldn't sleep last night.
And

Speaker 5 then the baseball field that was next to it, if you ever watch those classic

Speaker 5 home run derbies,

Speaker 5 where they have like Al K line versus like Mickey Mantle and shit and you know they're in LA and you're like where the fuck is that stadium?

Speaker 5 They filmed a lot of it at the stadium right next to it. And right now there's like the CBS lot there where they film like the price is right and shit.

Speaker 5 And as I was looking that up, I didn't know this. They actually had a Wrigley Field in LA that looks like from the map it was near or north of Watts, LA, which is south of the 10 and east of the 110.

Speaker 5 And it was built by the same guy that made Wrigley Field in Chicago and Kamiski Field. I'm a fucking nerd.

Speaker 5 I like looking up that shit. I looked up shit about the Rams.
They've won one Super Bowl. They won it in St.
Louis, obviously, 1999. People remember that.
And they won an NFL title in 1945

Speaker 5 when they were still in Cleveland, which is where they started. So

Speaker 5 they've never won an NFL title or a fucking Super Bowl here in L.A. And I got to tell you, after watching them yesterday, they don't seem like they're that much closer.

Speaker 5 Fucking Jeff Fisher taking all kinds of shit.

Speaker 5 All kinds of shit.

Speaker 5 They need to fire him. They need to fire his ass.
All right. Well, who do you think? Who else is? Who are you going to replace him with? You got to have a replacement.

Speaker 5 I mean, this guy's been in the fucking league forever. Did take a team to the Super Bowl, however, it was fucking 17 years ago.
He did well with Vince Young.

Speaker 5 You know, but in defense of him, you know, if you look at the last

Speaker 5 since the Patriots started going to the Super Bowl, okay, the Patriots have gone to six fucking Super Bowls. All right, and then as far as winning, Patriots have won four.

Speaker 5 Steelers won two, Giants won two,

Speaker 5 Packers won one. I mean, it's like literally, like every fucking decade, there's like two or three teams that just fucking run the table.
In the fucking 90s, it was Cowboys won three, Broncos won two.

Speaker 5 There's half the Super Bowls are fucking gone right there. And you knew the 49ers were going to get one, and they won four the previous

Speaker 5 decade.

Speaker 5 There's just always that. Steelers won four.

Speaker 5 Let's look at the 80s. The 80s, it was 49ers won four.

Speaker 5 The Raiders won two. That's six gone right there.

Speaker 5 Giants won one.

Speaker 5 Redskins won one.

Speaker 5 Redskins won two.

Speaker 5 All right, so that's four, two, and two. You got three teams that won eight of the ten.
And then it was the Bears. And whoever the fuck else I just said.
I can't remember.

Speaker 5 Won the other one.

Speaker 5 wait a minute how does it go it goes Raiders 49ers

Speaker 5 Redskins Raiders 49ers Bears

Speaker 5 Giants Redskins 49ers 49ers oh Giants are the other ones Giants and Bears won one all right

Speaker 5 sorry I'm getting all fucking nerded out here with the uh

Speaker 5 with the fucking sports talk here, um, which I'll probably do a little bit more of, but um, I probably should do some advertising here, but I want to talk to you guys guys

Speaker 5 about some shit where

Speaker 5 I told you I've been starting to get, I found someone, you know, I fucked up my back last or this year with the sciatic nerd thing. Sciatica.

Speaker 5 Right? I went through all of that shit. Through that, I found a great chiropractor and then a great masseuse, which has led me to this other person that I just went to who's

Speaker 5 you know, a former like Mr. Universe bodybuilder and all that.
And he's a fucking genius and everything.

Speaker 11 And

Speaker 5 I went to go see this guy because uh i fucked up my rotator cuff like years ago i've been trying to just fight through it and all that type of shit and i finally went to go see this guy and like i came walking in and you know those bodybuilders they spend their lives just looking in the mirror you know with fucking clothes on he just saw all of my shit it was it he just went like all right

Speaker 5 Your shoulders are rotated forward. Your left one is actually closer to your neck than your right one is.

Speaker 5 And then he go and he goes, stand in the mirror. You see that? Dude, I brush my teeth every fucking twice a day, right? Two, three times a fucking day.
I've never noticed that.

Speaker 5 I'm like, holy shit, he's right because it's rotated in and turned

Speaker 5 ever so slightly. It's not like it's like fucking three inches, but you really have to look at it.
And then he goes, all right, do me a favor, turn your head to the left and turn it to the right.

Speaker 5 And then he just started smiling because he knew what my fucking issue was.

Speaker 5 Whatever your neck muscle is,

Speaker 5 my chest and my trap muscles are too fucking tight and your trapezi muscle whatever it is it goes all the way down to the middle of your back but mine is super tight up top and my chest is tight so it's pulling everything forward and it's making my shoulders go up like my shoulders always go up like so he gave me this fucking stretch

Speaker 5 even if you don't have this fucking problem i got to tell hopefully i can describe it over the podcast here it's just stand up straight right? And then just lift your chest up.

Speaker 5 Put your shoulders back. Put your fucking shoulders back.
Lift your chest up like to, like you feel like you're trying to make it go to the ceiling. And then have your hands,

Speaker 5 your arms, bring your arms back behind you, palms up, and stretch back as far as you can. All right?

Speaker 5 Like you're totally opening up your chest as you bring your arms back and try to hold that for a minute.

Speaker 5 It's been a complete game changer now. So like my shoulders have come down because I didn't went to Masseus.
She beat the fuck out of my neck.

Speaker 5 And my shoulders are fucking down a little bit more. But I swear to God, what I used to do, like

Speaker 5 yoga stretches, like on one side, I could totally, like, you know, they're always like, reach around and grab your arm or whatever, that yoga shit. I could totally do it on one side.

Speaker 5 Could not do it on the other side. And for my whole life, like, I've had this fucking problem, like one shoulder being higher than the other forever.

Speaker 5 You know, and some nurse when I was in high school goes, oh, you got a little bit of scoliosis. Yeah, your spine's a little curved and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
And like,

Speaker 5 and this fucking, who's, I don't even know who the fuck she was. I was just like, yeah, that's the problem.
And it wasn't. So

Speaker 5 I talked to this guy. He was just going like, oh, yeah.
He goes, I'll have you fucking straightened out in like a month or something.

Speaker 5 And so he gave me these exercises to strengthen up the lower part of the trapezi or whatever. And for the first time in my life, I'm going to actually be able to sit up straight just naturally.
And

Speaker 5 the amount of shit that it has affected, it's given me back problems, like playing drums and stuff.

Speaker 5 Like I forever having to adjust shit and wondering why, when I sit down, like why I have to bring the snare higher than I should have to bring it.

Speaker 5 You know?

Speaker 5 And everybody else would just sit down and be, no, it seems pretty normal to me. I had no fucking idea what the deal was.
And evidently, I was all

Speaker 5 crooked up top. So

Speaker 5 I got to tell you, that's something that I've learned this year. One of the biggest things I've learned this year

Speaker 5 is

Speaker 5 like how medicine, if you go to a shoulder doctor, he's just going to fucking look at your shoulder. You know what I mean? You go to your back doctor, he's just looking at your fucking back.

Speaker 5 But you go to these masuses and people like that, they understand how the whole fucking body works. And they understand like, oh, this is pulled out of alignment.

Speaker 5 And it always comes down to balance, where it's like these muscles are too tight and the muscles on the other side are too weak.

Speaker 5 So, this is either pulling this forward or pulling this back, which is causing you to compensate when you walk.

Speaker 5 And that's like you literally have a problem with your left foot because of your right shoulder. It's fucking amazing.
If you get a good one, all right?

Speaker 5 You go to some rubbing tug place, you're still gonna have a crooked back, but oh, you're gonna walk out with a smile on your face. Sorry.

Speaker 5 All right, I know I haven't been this too funny, all right? I'm going through a lot of shit here. All right, let me uh let me read the

Speaker 5 let me read the uh

Speaker 5 the advertising here for this week. Okay, oh Jesus, here we go.
Anyways, I've been hanging with my wife, you know, barely doing any stand-up, just sitting here waiting for the kid to come.

Speaker 5 And uh, poor thing, she's all really uncomfortable. She's at the point, she's been such a trooper, she's at the point now.
She's just like, let's get this kid out of me, right?

Speaker 5 And last night was the first time I saw it kick

Speaker 5 through this fucking kick. Like, uh, I do these exercises, you know, I have to help Nia do these exercises exercises so she can try to stay limba.

Speaker 5 And I just saw like, it was literally like, it was like a foot just fucking kicked aside. It was just like,

Speaker 5 it's insane. It's insane that there's a goddamn kid in there.
It's the most amazing fucking thing. And also like, I just say to your wife, like, there's no way for them to convey it to you.

Speaker 5 It's like, what is it like to have a person in you?

Speaker 5 living inside of you. It's like, can you watch Alien now and just be like, I get it.
I totally fucking get it

Speaker 2 so

Speaker 5 anyways uh i hung in with her one night right

Speaker 5 and we watched rudolph the red-nosed reindeer

Speaker 5 then we watched uh

Speaker 5 frosty the snowman as much as i could watch you know i don't get into frosty the snowman it's too fucking

Speaker 5 it that one just gives me anxiety You watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and it's slightly about racism and acceptance. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 His own dad is ashamed of him and then he tells him to fuck off and then there's all the misfit toys there's something going on there there's like this theme about racism and special needs kids i don't really there's just so many fucking other things going on that it's really fucking sad and you watch it and it's 50 years old and you realize so much hasn't changed and then if you go right into frosty the fucking snowman and then here's this adult that's gonna get on a fucking choo-choo train with some little girl she doesn't tell her parents she's fucking leave leaving And then there's the fucking stress that it's going to melt.

Speaker 5 I was just like, you know what? You got to shut. I can't handle this, right? I can't fucking handle this.
It's giving me too much anxiety, right?

Speaker 5 And so then we switched over and we watched a little bit of Mary Poppins,

Speaker 5 which I haven't seen in a long time. But I get all of those movies confused.
You know, the super caliphragilistic XBL or Doche, is that that one? Chitty chitty bang bang.

Speaker 5 It's always some fucking old guy, rich guy whose wife died, and now the new hot piece of ass comes in and she shows him how to fucking loosen up. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 That role has now been taken over by African Americans, right?

Speaker 5 They come in and they teach the uptight white dude how to fucking, I don't know, do the electric slide. I never watched those fucking movies, you know? But back in the day,

Speaker 5 it was a new fucking like chick in the guy's life. But this one, he was like married.
But it was Dick Van Dyke, you know.

Speaker 5 They singing chimp chimney, chimp, chimity, chimp, chim, cheroo.

Speaker 5 The life of a fucking sweeper, that's what I want to do, right? And they're all fucking happy as hell. You know, completely romancing blue-collar work.
Like, rich people are all fucking miserable.

Speaker 5 And these people who are just going to die at 39 fucking miner's lung are somehow dancing around up on the roofs, you know, covered in fucking soot.

Speaker 5 And I got through as much as that as I could get through. And, you know, I bought a Christmas tree and I did all the dishes.
I watched all of that shit. And like,

Speaker 5 you know, but the next morning I was going to the Rams game. So

Speaker 5 everything that I did in the last 24 hours is just completely wiped out. It's fucking unbelievable.
But that's how it works, man. That's how it fucking works.

Speaker 5 So anyways, oh, here's something that I did not mention is

Speaker 5 this is something you have to do as a man, especially if you have a wife and a family. You got to get life insurance.
And I'm doing it this fucking week.

Speaker 5 I just, you know, lost another friend who didn't fucking have it. And

Speaker 5 you just, you have to fucking do it. Guys, we don't like dealing with our fucking mortality.

Speaker 5 I know you've watched enough of the first 48 that you're literally giving your wife a motivation to fucking take you out. You know what I mean?

Speaker 5 But you got to do it. You got to fucking do it.
So I'm doing that this week. It just been a brutal fucking week.

Speaker 5 This week I learned about loss.

Speaker 5 You know, like I didn't already have enough fucking examples. I got the old fucking right there, Fred, this week.

Speaker 5 Anyways, plowing ahead.

Speaker 5 How about the fucking Giants? How fucking amazing are the New York football Giants? Every fucking year. I've been saying it all year.

Speaker 5 Eli Manning is bored in September and October, and then, oh, we got to fucking win some games here. He just, the guy just comes to fucking life.
They beat the fucking Cowboys again.

Speaker 5 They got this amazing fucking defense.

Speaker 5 This is what I'm so jealous of as a Patriots fan. I don't fucking get

Speaker 5 how I was first forgoing, like,

Speaker 5 why do we always have to get rid of our guys that are getting becoming stars? This year, Chandler Jones, we got rid of, and what's his face? We sent over to the fucking Browns.

Speaker 5 You know, always for the same shit, a fucking second-round draft pick.

Speaker 5 You know, we got rid of Chandler Jones, and what's the other fucking guy's name from fucking Florida University? Whatever.

Speaker 5 Guys, I'm so fucking busy with my wife right now. I don't even even know who the fuck's who right now.
But it's just what I hate about the fucking Patriots.

Speaker 5 Speaking of balance, is we have all our money on the offensive side of the ball. All our stars are on the offensive fucking side.
And we're forever getting rid of these fucking cornerbacks.

Speaker 5 Why won't we pay a fucking cornerback? All the way back to Tyla and Lawyer Malloy. We just constantly get rid of those fucking guys.

Speaker 5 You know, you watch. We'll get rid of that fucking kid who picked that pick in the fucking Super Bowl against Seattle.
We'll fucking get rid of him when he wants a contract.

Speaker 5 I don't fucking get it.

Speaker 5 Gronk's paid. Brady's paid.

Speaker 5 Imagine Edelman's going to get paid if he's not paid already. And then nobody on the other side of the fucking ball, it seems.
Like

Speaker 5 whenever they're due, whenever they're fucked, defense wins fucking championships. And we fucking are forever doing this.
You watch tonight.

Speaker 5 How many points is Tom Brady going to have to put up on the fucking scoreboard to beat the Ravens, who always have a good defense? I fucking love the Ravens. I love the Giants.
I love the Steelers.

Speaker 5 I love those fucking teams that just, they always have a great fucking defense.

Speaker 5 What kills me about the Giants is they got this fucking killer defense,

Speaker 5 and they still have Eli.

Speaker 5 They got fucking what's his face there? You know, Jesus Christ, what a fucking diva he is.

Speaker 5 Even when he's not on the field, he's got to be like, you know, trying to get the crowd going like they're not into the game. I fucking hate that shit.
You know, Adele Beckham. It's like, we get it.

Speaker 5 We get it. You're a superstar.
It's not enough that you had a one-headed 90-yard fucking catch.

Speaker 5 Now you got to be sitting there fucking up on the goddamn stands doing the YMCA dance with the fucking crowd.

Speaker 5 Literally, like the defense is out there shutting down the Dallas Cowboys and the fucking cameras on you because you're fucking doing Christmas carols with the fucking front section.

Speaker 5 That drives me up the wall, right? They got him.

Speaker 5 They still have enough money for that fucking dude Cruz.

Speaker 5 It's amazing. But

Speaker 5 somehow Bill Belichick trades these fucking guys and gets like three or four second-round draft picks that eventually mature into these stars. And then we win a title.

Speaker 5 And then it's like, then they want their money and then we fucking get rid of them again.

Speaker 5 So believe it or not, as much as the Patriots

Speaker 5 are, you know,

Speaker 5 looked upon as a number one or number two seed, maybe behind the Raiders. I don't know.
I haven't watched the last couple of weeks. I know the Broncos lost.

Speaker 5 I don't know how it fucking works, but you got to think that we're one of the favorites, right? To go to yet another fucking Super Bowl. But this is actually a rebuilding year for us.

Speaker 5 That's how great Bill Belichick is. But I think the Patriots lose tonight.
Unless we speak. We got to put up like, I would say, like, 38 points.
Because Joe Flacco is no fucking slouch.

Speaker 5 I don't know. I just don't have any fucking faith in it.
And I don't think that the Patriots defense stinks. I just think every fucking year, they're good guys.

Speaker 5 You know, one or two guys, it seems, gets the old fucking heave. Oh.

Speaker 5 You know what the Patriots are really good at? We're really good at finding that fucking white dude who, for no fucking reason, is fucking really fast. The West Welkers.

Speaker 5 Right? The Edelmans, the Amendolas. That's what the fuck we are good at.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 5 the Giants are great at finding fucking those guys that are built like, are as fast as a linebacker, but

Speaker 5 somehow are the size of a defensive end.

Speaker 5 They get all of those fucking guys. They spot them a mile away.
Somehow we can't find them. You know?

Speaker 5 And I think the Ravens and the

Speaker 5 Steelers,

Speaker 5 they're really good at just getting those Hall of Fame fucking defensive backs and linebackers. Ed Reeds, Ray Lewis,

Speaker 5 fucking Steelers. You can name like 50 goddamn fucking people, right? From the fucking Steel Curtain all the way up to Paula Malo.
They just, they, I don't know.

Speaker 5 They just, they're just fucking good at it.

Speaker 5 So, um, having said that, I've been also watching my Bruins. Um,

Speaker 5 I'm still trying to see where we're working towards.

Speaker 5 When we sent the entire Stanley Cup winning team, gave, you know, over the course of two and a half seasons, sent every significant player from those teams out the door except for Chara and

Speaker 5 Marshawn and Berge.

Speaker 5 I don't know. I don't see, we're a year and a half into this shit.
I don't, we're still a fucking eighth seed. This is right where we were last year.

Speaker 5 And I swear to God, if they make our coach take the fall for this, all right, we better keep him. And at the end, if we think that this doesn't work out,

Speaker 5 all right, you definitely keep Chloe Julian. You definitely keep Cam Neely, but Michael Connell's got to fucking go.

Speaker 5 Because he's the guy who made, as far as I know, he's the guy that fucking did all this.

Speaker 2 I don't know.

Speaker 5 You know what? The fucking Bruins never want to pay anybody.

Speaker 5 I'm fucking believable.

Speaker 5 Dude, Postenock has 18 fucking goals, right?

Speaker 5 I watched some of the Toronto game yesterday. I know we lost three to one.
I don't know who scored. I missed that part.
And

Speaker 5 he's got 18 fucking goals. Can you imagine if Sagan was there? We'd have two fucking lines.

Speaker 5 At least we admit we fucked up when we got rid of Sagan, but whatever. But you know something? The Celtics are looking good.
Al Horford is the fucking real deal. And I think he's a fucking leader.

Speaker 5 I think

Speaker 5 he's like a fucking superstar. And he's not a fucking head case.
I'm loving that guy. You know, we got Isaiah Thomas.
We got a point guard.

Speaker 5 We got a guy down low who actually can fucking pass the ball. He's brought the ball up the court.

Speaker 5 As much as everybody's freaking out about whatever, the Greek freak there, the Bucs, there's a bunch of guys 6'11 could do that. I'm a fucking LeBron James.

Speaker 5 He's been doing everything that that guy does. Just because he doesn't play the point guard position, everybody's fucking freaking out.
But that guy is amazing.

Speaker 25 All right?

Speaker 5 But I don't know. I'm loving what Danny Angus is doing.

Speaker 5 And I think we're one guy away. I don't know much about Hoop.
Whoever that middle guy is.

Speaker 5 Between your number one and your number five. The power forward, I don't know what the fuck we need.
A two or three. I don't know what the fuck it is.
But

Speaker 5 if we could just have another guy. Our benches, we play great fucking defense.

Speaker 5 I don't know. Our bench is a little suspect, though, right?

Speaker 5 Kelly O'Linnick comes in, and that other fucking guy who can't, I swear to God, I think I could literally beat this guy taking foul shots.

Speaker 5 Was it smart? The guy with the fucking blonde hair?

Speaker 5 Anyways, let's get to some of the questions here for this fucking week here. I got to wrap this up, too, because the

Speaker 5 people are putting the punch list. Guys are coming back to put the finishing touches on the kitchen.
Oh, by the way, you know, this is free advertising

Speaker 5 and a campfire cooktop top grill. You gotta get one, dude.
I got one in my backyard. My wife was fighting me on that thing.
I finally, I shut her the F up.

Speaker 5 I went out and I made, steak and cheese is one of her favorite fucking sandwiches. I went out there.
I went on the internet. I looked for a simple fucking recipe.

Speaker 5 All I did to season the meat was a little Worcestershire sauce and some salt. That was it.
All right? I had white American cheese. My wife is into peppers and onions.
I was like, fine.

Speaker 5 I sauteed a little bit of mushrooms. I had these fresh French rolls.
Dude,

Speaker 5 fucking game over.

Speaker 7 Game over.

Speaker 5 She ate that thing. She didn't even have time to say how great it was.

Speaker 7 She just fucking wolfed that thing down.

Speaker 5 And I was literally sitting there like, you know, I need the approval. I'm like, was it good? Did you enjoy it? She's like, how about the fact that I ate it in a minute?

Speaker 5 And I couldn't even talk because my mouth was full, so full. that's how good it was I was fucking psyched I haven't even done

Speaker 5 I haven't even you can do Rubens on that fucking thing you can make the whole grand slam breakfast hash browns pancakes bacon the whole thing get the bacon going slide the bacon over you put the hash browns in that fucking grease go fuck yourself

Speaker 5 Jason Lawhead already gave it the nickname because I'm bringing it to the room Rose Bowl. He calls it the game changer.
And he's going to be making Rubens that day. Like he's literally, Jay Lawhead is

Speaker 5 a fucking ridiculous cook. He's unbelievable, right? He's so excited about that thing.
He like dropped his voice like three octaves.

Speaker 5 I sent him a picture. He was saying, I go, dude, you guys see what I got for the tailgate this year? He goes, oh, really, dude? What'd you get? What'd you get? And I show it to him.

Speaker 2 He's just like, oh, dude.

Speaker 5 Dude, you got a cooktop.

Speaker 5 Oh, dude,

Speaker 5 that's fucking limitless.

Speaker 5 You can do brats. You you can do Rubens, you can do breakfast.
He just started fucking rattling all. I just started laughing.
He goes, that thing is a game changer.

Speaker 5 It's literally a fucking game changer.

Speaker 5 He was, I can't even tell you the ideas that he, because he told me I should put out my own one. He had all these fucking great ideas, but I don't want anybody to steal it.

Speaker 5 I probably won't put it out anyways. But

Speaker 5 so,

Speaker 5 steak and cheese is, oh, forget about on the diet. By the way, I've done cardio every day this month.
All right. 11 days in.
I got day 12 here. I'm telling you.
Go through the holidays.

Speaker 5 Just do a fucking half hour cardio every fucking day.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 5 And you pick your spots where you eat like a fucking moron. I ate like a moron yesterday.
And then today, you get right back on it. You know?

Speaker 5 And that way you start the year. You know, you're not a fat fuck.
You don't got that extra 10 to 15. You don't want to deal with that shit.

Speaker 25 Or, you know, or whatever.

Speaker 5 Don't listen to me. Or listen to me.
Okay, here we go. Let's get to the emails for this week.

Speaker 5 All right. Mom worried about me traveling.

Speaker 5 Dear Billy Scrotum Head.

Speaker 5 I don't know what that's just fucking mean for mean's sake. My girlfriend and I have been dating for five years now and finally decided to travel abroad together.

Speaker 7 You're taking your broad abroad?

Speaker 5 She is a seasoned traveler, but I have yet to have traveled internationally. Well, that's great.
She knows what she's doing. Just follow her lead.

Speaker 5 We recently purchased tickets to Greece to pop my cherry

Speaker 5 slash celebrate her birthday.

Speaker 5 Well, that's great.

Speaker 5 I just told my mom about the trip and a few days later received a text from her, very worried about traveling to Greece slash out of the country. I'm 27 years old.

Speaker 5 Mom and scared of me getting, you left out some words here, buddy.

Speaker 5 My mom is scared of me getting killed due to the country's current state and terrorists.

Speaker 5 My mom took a few days to research all the negative things, unemployment, bankruptcy, etc., about Greece to try to dissuade me from going. Well, if she looked up the fucking,

Speaker 5 is it Santa Rio, Santa Rali? What the fuck? That's Frank Santa Reli. He's the comedian.
What's that fucking beautiful place? You stay. It's all, all the buildings are white.

Speaker 5 It's right on the Mediterranean Sea.

Speaker 5 If she looked that up, she'd be fine. Listen, if you live in America and you just sit in your,

Speaker 5 if you're going to listen to international news, they're not going to talk to you about great shit. You got to watch the travel channel.

Speaker 5 If they're going to show the news, all you're going to hear is bad shit. That's like everybody in everybody in England thinks everybody like over here weighs 400 pounds and owns 15 guns.

Speaker 5 And you walk down the street with them on your hip. You know what I mean? I see just as many fat fucks in fucking Great Britain.

Speaker 5 Maybe not as much, but there's a lot of fish and chip-eating fucking rotted teeth.

Speaker 5 Dirty, dirty white people out there.

Speaker 5 But that's all you're going to know. Tell her to put on the travel channel.
Send her a couple of fucking links. All right.

Speaker 5 Anyways, he goes, I understand that she's worried about her son, but I'm also aware that she lives in a shell and she's never traveled abroad.

Speaker 5 After hearing on the podcast that you have been to Greece recently, no, I haven't. I want to go there.
I went to Italy recently.

Speaker 5 My question for you is, do you think an average Joe, first-time parentheses, nervous traveler like myself will feel safe? Any words to put me at ease?

Speaker 5 I would love to hear what you have to say, good or bad, as this will help in my decision. Dude, the greatest fucking thing is you're going with your girlfriend and she's a seasoned traveler.

Speaker 5 She'll know what the fuck to do. So just follow her lead.
But I would encourage you to step out of your shell, learn a couple of phrases.

Speaker 5 The locals love when you make an attempt to speak their language. Even in Paris, as much as they get shit.

Speaker 5 If you're really fucking trying and you're showing respect for their culture and you're on your best behavior. That's another thing too.
When you travel abroad, you're on your best behavior.

Speaker 5 Unlike all these fucking Europeans, so many of them that come over here, they literally start trashing America to you in the United States of America.

Speaker 5 It's like, Jesus Christ, dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?

Speaker 5 You know what I mean? Like, as much as I was just teasing England, I go over there. I'm on my best fucking behavior.
All right?

Speaker 5 I go on stage, I'll tease them a little bit, but in general, I talk about what a great fucking time I'm having there. You can easily pick apart any fucking place that you go to.

Speaker 5 So, anyways, I would learn a couple of phrases.

Speaker 5 Dude, you're going to eat, you're going to have food over there like you've never had here before. You're going to see things you've never had.
You have to swim in the Mediterranean Sea.

Speaker 5 It is fucking life-changing.

Speaker 5 And dude, I'm telling you right now, if you have any sort of stress in your life, if you stay along the Mediterranean from Spain all the way over to Greece, like you can't fucking miss,

Speaker 5 you know, just all I would say is just watch out for pickpockets. Okay, those gypsies are the fucking Bill Belichick and Tom Brady's of pickpocketing.
I mean, they, it is a fucking art form.

Speaker 5 They're so good at it, you almost won't be mad. Like, how the fuck did they do that?

Speaker 25 All right.

Speaker 5 So that's the biggest thing that I would worry about. And especially watch your wife with their big, stupid fucking purses, and they're all excited and they're fucking looking around.

Speaker 5 This is what you do.

Speaker 5 All right? You make a copy of your passport.

Speaker 7 Okay?

Speaker 5 Copy your fucking passport and you fucking keep your, you know, have it in the safe at the fucking hotel. All right? Keep it at the hotel.

Speaker 5 I take my chances with some cleaning lady taking your passport. She ain't gonna fucking do that, right?

Speaker 5 You have a copy of that.

Speaker 20 All right.

Speaker 5 I would definitely wear some sort of fucking

Speaker 5 like pants that have zippers on them that you can zip that shit shut.

Speaker 5 And when a bunch of people start coming up to you, crowding you, be it on the subway or anything like that, you put your hand on your fucking wallet. You have it right there.

Speaker 5 I wouldn't have don't have any fucking thing of value whatsoever. And I'm telling you right now, this is probably making you fucking nervous or whatever.
This is just

Speaker 5 this is just you know, misdemeanor stealing shit, but will make your life fucking miserable because you're going to have your credit cards and all that type of shit and your money and all of that.

Speaker 5 It's just, you know, pickpockets is the only fucking thing that I ran into when I was over there. That's the only thing you have to worry about.

Speaker 5 And just really, really be super fucking, hyper fucking aware when you're walking up to

Speaker 5 whatever the fuck Taurusy thing. What do they got over there? They have the ruins, all of that shit.
You know, you're going to go any of that type of stuff.

Speaker 5 Like in Paris, if you go up to the Eiffel Tower, you have your hands on your shit.

Speaker 5 And when people come walking up to you,

Speaker 5 speaking in English, just literally just fucking go, no ablo, no hablo. And just fucking, and if they keep coming at you, just say, get the fuck away from me.

Speaker 5 I'm telling you right now, if you just tell them to get the fuck away from you. Any of those fucking broads coming up to you, they want to, you know, you're at the Eiffel, the Eiffel Tower.

Speaker 5 What are you going to do? You stand in line, you go in the Eiffel Tower. Get the fuck away from me.
They're coming up there to steal from you. Watch out for their kids.

Speaker 5 That's the only fucking thing because they are fucking tremendous at it.

Speaker 5 That's all. Anytime you walk out of there, and I would also, the next advice I'd give you is

Speaker 5 like

Speaker 5 just bring Carrie on.

Speaker 5 I'd even say that to your wife, too. Just bring your girlfriend, just bring Carrie on.
You're going to wear the same fucking t-shirt and shorts basically every goddamn day.

Speaker 5 No one's going to give a fuck. You're on vacation.
Flip-flops and all of that type of shit. Okay.
All I can say is just like, you know, underpack.

Speaker 5 And if you want to buy,

Speaker 5 if you want to buy like some touristy shit you know what i love i love magnets i love those patches those flags that you're going to sew onto a coat or some

Speaker 5 you know you have the memories you have the pictures you what are you gonna you don't need to go out and buy some wooden shoes and a big beer stein if you wanna buy some like that ship it back

Speaker 5 Do that. Just go there, have a good time.
Watch your fucking valuables when you're around fucking, if you're on the subway and if you're near anything touristy.

Speaker 5 Other than that, have a great fucking time. Chill out, eat the best fucking food you're ever going to fucking have, and swim in the Mediterranean Sea.

Speaker 5 And you'll have those memories for your whole fucking life. It's the greatest fucking thing.
And I feel bad for your mom that she's never traveled outside of the country because it's a great thing.

Speaker 5 All right, clingy girlfriend.

Speaker 5 Clingy girlfriend.

Speaker 25 Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump.

Speaker 5 Hey, Bill, as you may have read from the title of this email, I am dealing with a clingy girlfriend. We've been dating for three months now and pretty much have only known each other,

Speaker 5 what we've been dating for three months now and pretty much have only known each other for three months now. So it's a pretty new relationship.
Okay, so I get it.

Speaker 5 You didn't work with her, gradually work up the balls. You saw her and you said, Bitch, you coming with me? And she was like, oh my god, you're so direct.

Speaker 5 Anyways, as I've gotten deeper in the relationship, I've started to notice more and more red flags. I'll tell you this right now: if you start noticing more and more red flags three months in,

Speaker 5 I already have my finger on the fucking eject button, personally, this far into your email.

Speaker 7 Okay, four.

Speaker 5 For example,

Speaker 5 she gets mad and starts crying if I want to go to the gym by myself and not bring her.

Speaker 5 Fuck this. Over, over,

Speaker 2 over,

Speaker 25 over.

Speaker 25 Fucking over.

Speaker 5 Or if I don't reply to her text within five minutes, she calls me and asks me why I haven't answered. She's even already said, I love you to me.
And I actually said it back when we were having sex.

Speaker 5 Accidentally said, I love you. Only a a guy can say that.
And now she says it back to me all the time.

Speaker 5 And I haven't, and I have to say it back because I don't want to break her heart and tell her that I don't feel the same way. Well, you already have.

Speaker 5 You already have. All right.
Just give her a three-month broken heart. Get out, dude.
Get out.

Speaker 5 I've even tried to break up with her like a week ago. Get out.
Get out.

Speaker 5 And she started to have a breakdown saying how much she needed me and how she can't live with that. Get out.

Speaker 5 Get out. Get out of here.

Speaker 5 So I told her that we could just stay together because I felt bad. All right, dude, you've basically already broken up with her.

Speaker 5 She goes, she also just randomly flat out said that she can see us together forever. I don't know why I'm noticing all these things now, but I'm only 19 years of age.
Well, there you go, dude.

Speaker 5 To be honest, I still.

Speaker 5 Sorry. The fuck is going on with my throat here? I screamed too much yesterday.
And to be honest, I still want to live the bachelor lifestyle and not be in a relationship.

Speaker 5 Dude, you know all the answers to your question.

Speaker 5 Try all the different fish in the sea. Sorry if I sound douchey, but I just really need help here, but I don't know what to do.
Thanks, Bill, and come back to.

Speaker 5 I'm not even going to say the name of the state. This chick's such a psycho.

Speaker 5 Yeah, dude. This is what I would do.

Speaker 5 And I'm taking this from Al Madrigal.

Speaker 5 The great Al Madrigal, who no one knows how to end shit like him.

Speaker 5 If you listen to any of our live ATC podcasts, he worked in his family business, and at your age, 19, he was already, he was the hatchet man. He fired adults.

Speaker 5 And he told me one time, the best way to get out of a relationship, okay, if, and this is for everybody, dude, if you have a woman in your life and you have to break up with her, they are going to drag you through the shit.

Speaker 5 Okay? If you want to expedite the deplaning process,

Speaker 5 if she has anything over your apartment, get it all together, put it in a box.

Speaker 5 Call her, say we need to talk. You show up with the box.
You hand her the box. You tell her it's fucking over.

Speaker 25 Right?

Speaker 5 You let her cry. You fucking leave.
Now, if she has keys to your place,

Speaker 5 You don't even need to ask for them back. You already have changed the locks.
If she offers to give you the keys back, you take them.

Speaker 5 But you never offer the information that you have changed the fucking locks. It's out, it's over, it's done.
Dude, rip this band-aid off. That's your fucking Christmas gift.

Speaker 5 And anybody out there right now, male or female, if you're in a relationship you don't want to be in, fucking do it.

Speaker 11 Do it fucking tonight.

Speaker 5 Get your box together, change your fucking locks, end the shit.

Speaker 5 Your Christmas gift. Don't go to another fucking

Speaker 5 family event, someone else's family that you don't want to fucking be with. You owe it to yourself.
Get the fuck out of it. All right.
Messy girlfriend.

Speaker 5 Hey, Billy, yo.

Speaker 5 I lived with my girlfriend for the past few years and I've tried and failed repeatedly, repeatedly, to get her to tidy up after herself.

Speaker 5 She lives like a borderline slob with piles of her shit everywhere. on most available surfaces.
Instead of putting stuff away after herself, she'll just leave it out for days.

Speaker 5 Most days I'll come back from from work and the bed will be piled high with clothes and the dumb contents of handbags, etc.

Speaker 25 In the evening,

Speaker 5 very underrated Zeppelin song, by the way. This will be off, this will often just get moved to the sofa and then in the morning move back to the bed.

Speaker 5 Every cupboard and drawer is piled full of her shit. I have a couple of small spaces for my belongings.
Everywhere else is full of clothes.

Speaker 5 She hasn't worn for months, parentheses, question mark, years.

Speaker 5 dozens of handbags, purchased she doesn't, purses she doesn't use, bits of paper, cards she keeps, she's keeping for who knows what, dozens of beauty products. You get the picture.

Speaker 5 I do try to keep things tidy at best I can for my own sanity, but it would be nice to have, not, not to have to nag her every so often to just tidy up after

Speaker 5 herself. I keep, if I kept pissing on the toilet seat and she kept telling me how annoying it was I think she'd be right in thinking what the what the hell is wrong wrong with this dude.

Speaker 5 Surely tidying up after yourself is about respect for the other person or people you live with. I know the whole accept me for who I am, bullshit, and

Speaker 5 all that. But come on, I was wondering what your

Speaker 5 you worthy of the lovely Nia's

Speaker 5 Nino's thoughts on this are.

Speaker 5 Well, I'll tell you this, dude. That's not going to get any better.
She sounds like you got a small-time hoarder on

Speaker 5 your hands here. Forget about if you get married and have kids.

Speaker 5 So you got to ask yourself right now, are you going to marry this person? If you're not, pack up your own box and get the fuck out of there. And already have an apartment ready to go, by the way.

Speaker 5 You pack up your box, you bring the shit over to the fucking apartment. While she's at work, then you call her, you say, listen, we need to talk.
And then you get the fuck out of there.

Speaker 5 You say, I'm going for a drive. You drive over to your new apartment and then you call her up from a payphone.

Speaker 5 and you say, By the way, when I said I was going for a drive, what I really should have said was, I just moved out.

Speaker 5 Good luck to you, and

Speaker 5 you know, let's try and win in Chicago. And you hang up.
You go a little Robert Kennedy there, right? It's fucking over.

Speaker 5 I can tell you right now, dude, I couldn't tolerate that. I couldn't tolerate living with the fucking slub.

Speaker 5 I fucking hated that. When I lived, when I had guy roommates,

Speaker 5 I never understood that, like how guys thought it was funny to have like fucking pizza boxes and all this shit, like living like a fucking animal. It's like, guys, we live here.
It's fucking gross.

Speaker 5 So you have to decide if you love this person enough to accept this part of them or you have to, or maybe you throw down an ultimatum. Like if there's no fucking way I'm living my life like this.

Speaker 5 This is completely unacceptable. You have way too much shit.
You need to throw out at least 70% of your shit.

Speaker 23 Okay?

Speaker 5 And if she gives you a rough time and just say, listen, you either that shit is going out the door or I am.

Speaker 2 Are you saying

Speaker 5 that you're choosing that over me? Yes.

Speaker 5 Yes, because I'm telling you right now, I am not going to be happy.

Speaker 5 Are you telling me that you love your fucking bags more than you love me? Just turn that stupid psychology shit right back on them. Get it the fuck out of here.

Speaker 5 It gets the fuck out or I get the fuck out. And then you put on some Christmas music.

Speaker 22 Have a holy, jolly Christmas.

Speaker 11 Right?

Speaker 5 All right, here we go. Next one.
Three Stooges. Hello, Mr.
Burr. I was wondering

Speaker 5 who's your favorite Stooge? I know most people are Curly fans, but I've always been a Shemp fan. Anywho, have a good day.

Speaker 5 Shemp is unbelievably underrated. The fact that he had to follow Curly, and Curly was in bad health, slash, I think, might have died during his tenure.

Speaker 5 I loved Shemp.

Speaker 5 But Curly, yeah, Curly is the best. But Larry, Larry's underfucking rated too.

Speaker 5 Larry's fucking hilarious. And Moe is the bully.
I could never get into Moe because I had an older brother. And I was just like, yeah, that fucking asshole.

Speaker 5 I used to love it every once in a while when Moe would lose one of those little slap battles. But I loved all of them.

Speaker 5 And people always say, you know, you're either a Stooges fan or you like the Marx Brothers. I fucking hated the Marx Brothers.
I thought they were boring as shit.

Speaker 5 I bet if I got, now that I'm older, maybe I'd enjoy it more, but

Speaker 5 I don't know. I just thought it was clever shit

Speaker 5 where three Stooges was just fucking, it was hilarious. They were just beating the fuck out of each other.

Speaker 5 I don't know. As clever as a joke is, is there anything funnier than seeing somebody walking into a fucking window or falling down a flight of stairs?

Speaker 5 There's nothing funnier than watching somebody hurt themselves.

Speaker 5 I don't know.

Speaker 5 Maybe I'm just not smart enough.

Speaker 5 You know what? I should look at the Marks Brothers before I trash them. I will tell you that one guy could fucking play the harp like nobody, huh?

Speaker 7 All right.

Speaker 5 All right. That is the podcast

Speaker 5 for this week. I hope you guys enjoyed it.
It's been a brutal week for me.

Speaker 5 You know, I'm very happy that we were able to find

Speaker 5 a new home for my dog. They've already sent us texts and pictures, and she's totally fine.
And know, I'm glad that we didn't have to, you know,

Speaker 5 I was, there was no fucking way any that that dog was not going to continue on living. She's had an amazing life.
She's lived like three different books, and

Speaker 5 me and my wife were happy to be, what do we do, seven and a half years with her. And

Speaker 5 I love her to death. I'm going to miss her like hell, but I had to do it because,

Speaker 5 you know, the alternative was going to be something horrible. And I did not want to have to fucking live through that.

Speaker 5 But I am devastated, and

Speaker 5 I would appreciate it if you don't send me any fucking insensitive tweets about it, because I'm really on the ropes right here. All right, that's the podcast.
Go fuck yourselves, and I'll

Speaker 5 check in on you on Thursday.

Speaker 11 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr for the Anything Better podcast.

Speaker 22 We got a read here for Bet MGM. Oh, geez, Billy's reading here.
Bet MGM, Bet MGM is offering $1,500 in free bets to get your season going in week 15. Where the hell have you been?

Speaker 5 What were you in a coma?

Speaker 22 Going through a breakup? How to get this offer in four easy steps. Number one, do you download the Bet MGM Sports app on iOS or Android and use the code BURR, B-U-R-R, or visit betmgm.com/slash burr.

Speaker 22 Number two,

Speaker 22 sign up and deposit at least 10 bucks into your Bet MGM Sportsbook account. Number three, place your wager and receive up to $1,500 back in bonus bets if the bet loses.

Speaker 22 Can I just do that and just take like the $1,490 and walk? You must put it back into the pot. Number four, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once your initial wager is settled.

Speaker 22 I love how they give you $1,500. Like back in the day, the Coke dealer would give you a couple of free bumps.
Then they got you. First touchdown offer.

Speaker 22 Simply Simply place a prop bet on the player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game. If your player doesn't score first, but instead scores second, you'll get your stack back in cash.

Speaker 22 There you go, people. Bet responsibly.
Don't be stupid. Make sure you get the broad, the dude, the they, whoever's in your life.

Speaker 22 You know, maybe you're asexual. Now who's going to tell you you're betting too much on the friggin' Panthers? All right, that's it.

Speaker 11 Have a nice day.

Speaker 22 Andrew, where are you?

Speaker 3 There you are.

Speaker 22 I was getting a scared.

Speaker 22 I was so scared. Here we are.

Speaker 2 All right. Who did he take?

Speaker 22 He took the Bengals.

Speaker 27 I hate that bet.

Speaker 28 So yeah, I'm going to drop in. He took the Bengals

Speaker 30 with a video of his picks.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals minus five.

Speaker 5 All right.

Speaker 5 I think they're going to make a last-minute run here. We'll see what happens, but I'm going to take Cincinnati minus five.

Speaker 5 I'm going to take the New Orleans Saints

Speaker 5 plus seven and a half

Speaker 5 I am also going to take the Dolphins plus three. Oh man, this week this week is Pauley Underdogs.

Speaker 5 Yeah, so the Dolphins I'm going to take

Speaker 5 plus

Speaker 22 three.

Speaker 5 And then I am going to take the Buffalo Bills getting two and a half against the best team in the NFL, the Detroit Lions.

Speaker 5 I think Buffalo can make this a game or even win it.

Speaker 5 So I'm going to see what Josh Allen and them can do. So those are my picks.

Speaker 22 He took the Bengals, the Bills, the Dolphins, and who else?

Speaker 27 The Saints.

Speaker 22 Oh, when those Saints

Speaker 22 go marching in, two, three, four, five. Oh, when them Saints go marching in.

Speaker 6 I want to be along in that number.

Speaker 22 All right.

Speaker 22 Here we go. You ready?

Speaker 9 Oh, let's do it on the screen.

Speaker 22 All right. How you doing? It's old Billy Redface all by himself.
All by myself.

Speaker 22 Paul Verzney is,

Speaker 22 I don't know what happened to him. He got arrested for being Italian in Dallas.

Speaker 22 He's on it back from Dallas to get to the motherland, New York City. You know, it's funny.

Speaker 22 Somebody said to me, I was having this argument with somebody, and they were going, like, because I always make fun of New York just to get them going, you know? And he was going,

Speaker 22 New York is the cultural epicenter of the world. And I just bursted out laughing.
And then he pulled up like shit on the internet that actually said that.

Speaker 22 And my favorite thing goes, there's over 800 different languages spoken here. English is spoken there.
That's it. And then maybe you hear 800 accents.

Speaker 22 Stop acting like you get into a cabin. The guy's like, Guten Todd, y'all.

Speaker 22 And I also love most of the people I know in New York are just like Boston. We're fucking meatheads.
And I'm just picturing these meatheads in New York just going,

Speaker 22 New York is the fucking, it's the fucking Paris

Speaker 22 of Americas.

Speaker 22 Don't you wish you played for the Knicks?

Speaker 22 Just go get yourself a bacon, egg, and cheese and try to do basic math in your head, you dumb fuck. All right, no, New York's a great city, but not because of New Yorkers.

Speaker 14 I'm talking about white New Yorkers.

Speaker 22 Most of the great white New Yorkers came from somewhere else and dominated your city because you were too busy buying a Yankee-fitted and some Jordan ones. All right, there you go.

Speaker 32 A little roast, little roast action.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 11 But I do love New York.

Speaker 22 You know, I love New York just the way, you know, I love those glass towers that no one can afford. It's fantastic.
What a cultural epicenter of the Illuminati. All right, so I'm doing this by myself.

Speaker 22 Last week, everybody,

Speaker 22 I

Speaker 22 got frustrated with trying to figure out what was going to happen. And I decided that I was going to bet the exact opposite of what I thought was going to happen.
And guess what, Jake?

Speaker 22 Guess what, Andrew?

Speaker 22 I went three and one.

Speaker 22 I was a half a point from going 4-0.

Speaker 9 4-0. The Panthers are playing the Eagles.

Speaker 22 The Eagles are going to blow out the Panthers. I'll take the Panthers.
The Bills are playing the Rams.

Speaker 11 Their coach is combing his hair forward at this point.

Speaker 22 He's so stressed out trying to run that team.

Speaker 22 There's no way the Bills take the Rams. I win that one.
Then I took the Buccaneers because I fucking love Baker Mayfield.

Speaker 11 You know, they win.

Speaker 22 And then I had the Cowboys were playing whoever Monday night. Was it the Bengals?

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 9 Yeah.

Speaker 22 It was six and a half. They lost by seven.

Speaker 22 So now here's what you do

Speaker 22 as a gambler. You have one good week, and then what do you do? You're like, oh, dude, I cracked the fucking code.
Here we go. I'm going to bet a bunch of shit that doesn't make sense.

Speaker 22 I'm not falling for that trap. I'm going to go back to my dumb picks of not watching the NFL on any level.

Speaker 3 All right.

Speaker 22 Jake the Snake, can you explain to me why a 12-1 team that has the referees in their back pocket,

Speaker 22 their front pocket, and their fucking lapel is playing a 3-10 team, and they're only four-point favorites.

Speaker 27 You know, it has nothing to do with injuries. I think it just has to do, I think Vegas is just tired of them not covering.

Speaker 27 I think they haven't covered in like two months or something.

Speaker 21 So I think they would Vegas be tired of that.

Speaker 22 They would only be tired if they were losing money on them.

Speaker 27 Well, actually, that's true. Good point.
Yeah. But yeah, the Chiefs haven't covered a number in a long time.
So that could be the only explanation about that.

Speaker 22 I thought you were going to argue with me. And you're like, oh, you know, that's a good point.

Speaker 22 Do you know how bad I wish I could do that?

Speaker 14 I fucking love you, Jake.

Speaker 22 All right.

Speaker 14 Thanks. Minus four.

Speaker 22 Chiefs versus the goddamn Browns. You know what?

Speaker 22 I hate that fucking game. That just seemed, I mean, that seems obvious.
The Chiefs are going to fucking cover that all day long, right?

Speaker 27 Does seem, yeah, seems very obvious.

Speaker 22 Well, guess what I'm going to do, Jake? Because I'm a maverick.

Speaker 11 Because I'm a rebel.

Speaker 14 Fucking draw a line in the Brown.

Speaker 22 You watched me cross it. Whose act am I doing? At least adjacent.
I'm doing Fred Stahler's act.

Speaker 22 I'm going to take the Browns, getting four points.

Speaker 22 Because why not, Jake? Why not? Why not? Because

Speaker 22 does it make sense? Does any of this make sense? Versey took this.

Speaker 30 What's the funniest way that game opens? Like, just like a fumble, a touchdown, recovery, fumble.

Speaker 11 Yeah, none of it makes sense.

Speaker 22 I feel like

Speaker 22 the Chiefs will be covering into the fourth quarter. And then Mahomes, they kicked the ball, whatever the fuck.
Dude, what about last week? I mean, Jesus Christ.

Speaker 22 And the guy took his helmet off in the end zone on sportsmanlike conduct. They told him to put his fucking helmet back on.

Speaker 22 What is going on?

Speaker 22 Do the refs know the game's on TV? That's my question. It's getting to be like wrestling.
Patrick Mahomes must make it at least to the AFC championship game.

Speaker 11 You know what it is. You know what it is.

Speaker 22 They don't have, they don't have, there's nobody else playing at his level.

Speaker 11 There just isn't.

Speaker 2 He doesn't have the Montana L Way.

Speaker 22 I'm telling you. And until they do, until they do, they're just going to be getting all the calls.
Um, Josh Allen, sorta.

Speaker 22 God bless him.

Speaker 22 Have you ever been to Kansas City?

Speaker 3 Looks very cold.

Speaker 3 Um,

Speaker 22 All right. The Ravens are favored by 16 against the Giants.
The Giants going for a number one draft pick. They should just roll over and show them their belly, right?

Speaker 2 They got fucking

Speaker 22 Eddie fucking Linguine playing under the fucking center, whatever they're doing, right?

Speaker 22 That doesn't make any sense to take the 2-11 team versus a team that's fighting for their playoff lives. Should I do it, Jake?

Speaker 22 Should I do it?

Speaker 27 Nepal would be very proud.

Speaker 22 If I take the Giants on on 11. I'm not going to get crazy here.

Speaker 22 I like the Panthers.

Speaker 5 No, I don't.

Speaker 22 I don't like any of this shit.

Speaker 27 Panthers are favorite in that game.

Speaker 22 I know. That's kind of a weird thing.

Speaker 22 God damn it. All right.
I got to go Baker Mayfield. I got to go with my guy here.

Speaker 11 Go in there.

Speaker 22 Yeah, he's going to age.

Speaker 22 Captain comeback a couple of years with all of his shenanigans. I think this is the time of of year the Raiders fall apart.

Speaker 22 They're cleft for at home. I'm going to take the Falcons.

Speaker 22 I just feel like the Raiders fall apart. This is the time, their Christmas gift every year to the ridiculous loyalty of that Raider fan base is to just shit the bet.

Speaker 22 Shit the bet. I'll take the Bears getting seven.
I'll fucking take any game. Man, you pick a game.
I'll fucking give you a pick.

Speaker 9 How many more do I have?

Speaker 11 One.

Speaker 27 Well, if you take the Bears, that's your fourth.

Speaker 11 Dude, how good is that Bill's Learning?

Speaker 31 Oh, the Bears' fourth. Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 2 That was my fourth?

Speaker 27 Bill's Lions.

Speaker 22 And have I picked three or four?

Speaker 22 I'm in a spin here, people.

Speaker 21 How many?

Speaker 22 I picked four. All right.
Well, there you go. Four.

Speaker 5 Isn't that easy?

Speaker 27 Bills Lions is a great game, though. That's definitely the game of the week.

Speaker 27 That's going to be awesome.

Speaker 22 All right. Now, what do you think, Jake? Okay.

Speaker 22 Fuck this game.

Speaker 22 Okay.

Speaker 11 This game is just like all the possessions.

Speaker 22 This game is just like all the possessions in your apartment. It's meaningless, Jake.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 22 We don't care about that, Jake. We care about you and what's going on behind those glasses.

Speaker 11 Come playoff time.

Speaker 22 Okay?

Speaker 22 With the refs just fucking back massaging the fucking Chiefs every week. Now, I don't think that they're going to take them to the promised land.

Speaker 14 Although,

Speaker 22 what does the NFL have for a storyline? Let's look at the storylines. Okay.

Speaker 22 On the way back, okay, on the front burner, the main dish, you got the Chiefs. Can they 3P?

Speaker 22 And fucking, you know, What's Her Face is going to be up there? And Travis Kelsey and take your helmet off in the end zone. It's okay, right? They're the hot chick in the NFL.
You got the Lions.

Speaker 22 They haven't won since 55.

Speaker 22 Not a sexy city. Not making America a lot of money.
Not moving the needle in music. They haven't since Eminem was there, right? Before that, it was Motown.

Speaker 22 I don't need to tell you this, Jake, okay?

Speaker 14 You have a wall of fucking

Speaker 22 wax that would scare Quest love.

Speaker 22 Ted Nugent.

Speaker 30 Ted Nugent, right between Motown.

Speaker 22 Ted Nugent, there you go. Ted Nugent.
Before he got all political.

Speaker 22 What happens to every old person? They just start talking politics and you have to get out of the room. All right.
Then I would say, then you got the Bills

Speaker 22 with their lake effects, snow.

Speaker 22 I'm going to be honest with you. My generation,

Speaker 11 you know,

Speaker 22 we just can't care about them anymore. Okay.
We watched them go to the Super Bowl four years in a row. We listened to their sad stories.

Speaker 22 We listened to them building them up that they were somehow heroes because they didn't study in high school and then got blue-collar jobs.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 22 And then they come back years later with ravishing Rick Rude fucking pants and jump on tables.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 22 It's a fucking clown show up there.

Speaker 22 And I feel bad for Josh Allen that he has to try to drive that clown car out of the fucking lake.

Speaker 22 So those are the three stories I feel. And then for whatever reason, the Ravens.

Speaker 22 Even though their record isn't that good, I think that they could, they could upset somebody. Gun to your head, Jake.

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 22 Before you say who you think is going to win the Super Bowl, just so you add credibility, can you please take your glasses off and do one of these? And then tell me.

Speaker 14 Ah, that's the Walter Cronkite.

Speaker 22 I don't think this war is winnable.

Speaker 22 Who do you think is going to win the Super Bowl?

Speaker 27 I think it's going to come down to the Chiefs and the Bills. Whoever wins that game, I think they're on a collision course.
And I think those,

Speaker 27 one of those two, whoever makes the Super Bowl is going to win. I don't believe in Detroit just because they have Jared Goff.

Speaker 27 I just don't think he's like a Super Bowl winning quarterback, even though he's made.

Speaker 22 I believe in Jared Goff. I just get nervous on their fourth down calls.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they went. They're still doing that.

Speaker 27 They went for it five times last week against Green Bay, I think it was. So that's, it's great when it works, but you know, it's really risky.
He went for it on his own 30 on one of them.

Speaker 11 So I know.

Speaker 22 And was there ever a bigger statement that the pre-vent defense doesn't work?

Speaker 22 He was so terrified of giving them the ball back with 41 fucking seconds left that they were going to get the ball in the 20 or wherever they start now. And we're somehow, I mean, realistically,

Speaker 22 you got to get to the other teams at least 35.

Speaker 22 That's like a 53, anything beyond that. That's like, you know,

Speaker 22 it's hitting a moonshot. And he, he, in 43 seconds, they're going to do that because they're going to give him 20 yards and that bullshit that they covered the sidelines.
It just doesn't work.

Speaker 22 So you're saying no surprises in the AFC,

Speaker 22 the AFC

Speaker 22 playoffs. You're saying

Speaker 22 everybody thinks it's going to be Bills, Chiefs.

Speaker 22 You don't think

Speaker 22 nothing in there? Nobody, no surprise.

Speaker 32 You don't think the Raiders, see, I think the Ravens.

Speaker 7 Yeah, no Ravens with that deep.

Speaker 8 They have the tools to win.

Speaker 30 They have the tools to win that one game. Like, they have like

Speaker 30 they've got everybody, they've got Derrick Henry, they got Zay Flowers, they got Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 31 It's a physical team, it's a physical team.

Speaker 30 They could do it, I think they could, but that'd be the team, Andrew.

Speaker 22 You know what you could do? You could put a suit on with what you just said and say that on any one of those sports channels, and no one would know that you that you weren't supposed to be there.

Speaker 27 Get a contract, yeah.

Speaker 7 I could have just made it.

Speaker 22 That was fucking amazing. The only thing that was missing was scores on a ticker tape underneath you.

Speaker 27 The only other story there could be is the Eagles.

Speaker 1 What a bunch of garbage.

Speaker 22 It wasn't. It was good.
It was, it was good.

Speaker 2 It was good.

Speaker 3 It was very good.

Speaker 22 Look at they froze him in the thing. They're so nervous about what he was saying.

Speaker 22 I actually, I'll tell you, I believe in Jared Goff.

Speaker 22 I think, I think, like, what people are

Speaker 22 forgetting is last year,

Speaker 22 last year, Jared Goff was a victim of a call.

Speaker 22 Like that, going forward on that fourth down and not getting it changed the momentum of that game and all of that stuff. And then they all got happy feet.
I think Jared Goff, with

Speaker 22 the tools he has and all of that type of stuff, my only thing is that this going forward on fourth down shit,

Speaker 22 you know,

Speaker 22 like every drive, you're acting like there's two minutes left in the game and you're down by four points. That's that to me is their Achilles heel.

Speaker 22 But I 100% believe in Jared Goff and I think he could be a Super Bowl winning quarterback. I don't believe in the Bills.

Speaker 22 I feel like they had their team a few years ago and I don't know. They've just been really fucking erratic this year.
So

Speaker 11 who knows?

Speaker 30 What do you think on the NFC said?

Speaker 30 What do you think on the NFC said, Jake?

Speaker 27 It's tough. I mean, Detroit should make it, but Philadelphia looks really good.
It all just depends on how the bracket shapes up.

Speaker 27 Because I think there are certain teams that match up better with Detroit.

Speaker 22 And I think how can you say Philadelphia looks really good? They haven't had a good season. They almost lost to the Panthers this past week, Jake.

Speaker 2 Where's your

Speaker 2 nine in a row?

Speaker 27 You know, they've won nine in a row and say

Speaker 27 2,000 yards.

Speaker 27 They're going to be a tough out in the playoffs. And I think Green Bay is a sneaky team as well.

Speaker 11 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Green Bay could upset somebody. I, you know,

Speaker 22 I go back and forth with that Nick Siriano guy. Sometimes I'm rooting for him because I see the mental mess he is and I relate to it.

Speaker 14 But what I don't like is when he wins.

Speaker 22 I don't like all that shit talking he does.

Speaker 22 Like, I just,

Speaker 22 that's why I almost don't want him to win because if he does that.

Speaker 22 Like I was so nervous when he whatever play he called and then he went to the camera and went and fucking nodded like that. I'm like, oh my God.

Speaker 22 Are all coaches,

Speaker 22 all the Bill Belichicks of tomorrow, all the next Nick Serianos and all that, did they see that and they're going to be like, that's what I'm going to do?

Speaker 22 And the funny thing is, is he's nodding like that and so much of their shit is just analytics. It's some nerd with a fucking computer told him what to do in that point

Speaker 22 of the game. And then you're going to nod.

Speaker 22 So it's our, we got to the point when I was growing up, there was a half dozen guys that were like sort of flashy guys, Billy White Shoes Johnson, Hollywood Henderson,

Speaker 22 Butch Johnson. There was a handful of guys that had end zone celebrations and fucking whatever.
And then it became everybody when you went to the end zone.

Speaker 22 You know, within 10 years of that, you had the icky shuffle. Everybody had like, you had Dion doing his little fucking thing, and everybody had their thing.

Speaker 22 And then the Jerome Bennis generation, you celebrated a first down

Speaker 22 right and then somewhere in there a field goal kicker celebrated something jumped up the air and blew out his acl

Speaker 22 but there was always been a hard line

Speaker 22 between the players and the coaches and the coaches never did it

Speaker 22 although rex ryan came close until he threw his set down on the ground and got a death job right

Speaker 21 dan campbell's doing it now

Speaker 22 Well, dude, by the way, did he have a cold last week? He looked like fucking Rudolph with that red nose.

Speaker 3 He looked like he drank a whole bottle of bourbon.

Speaker 22 No, no,

Speaker 22 I don't think the Lions coach is going to do it.

Speaker 22 My prediction is if the Eagles ever win it, the amount of sideline nodding and celebrating that Nick Soriano, Siriano, however you say his name, is going to do,

Speaker 22 within two generations of coaches, they're all going to be doing it. And then your generations are going to be like i missed the old nfl where you just quietly called plays

Speaker 22 and people only did

Speaker 27 did the moon walk when they when they got a three-yard rush um he's going to dance in the end zone with the team

Speaker 22 that's the new coach oh yeah he'll get he'll get a instead of a sneaker deal you get like a headset deal

Speaker 2 yeah

Speaker 14 um

Speaker 22 Anyway, yeah, that's where I, that's kind of where I am. I'm not to lie to you guys.
Like,

Speaker 22 I missed the NFL last week. I didn't watch any of it.
I just,

Speaker 22 I'm slipping away. The same way I stopped watching the news.
I feel like I'm just sort of falling away. I don't relate to it anymore.

Speaker 22 An NBA game to me looks like a fucking shoot around

Speaker 22 where people are guarding you. It's like they're just running from the three-pointer.
And listen, I'm not being a dick here. It's the greatest error of shooting I've ever seen.

Speaker 22 Some eight-foot goof can hit like a three-pointer like 10 feet behind the line. It's incredible.
But it's just like

Speaker 22 they go down the court, three-pointer, down the court, three-pointer, down the court. It's same shot, same shot, same shot, same shot.
Euro step, drop step.

Speaker 26 I still can't watch the amount of traveling in the NBA.

Speaker 30 And I remember, and I've said that to people.

Speaker 22 And actually, Bartneck had a funny line.

Speaker 32 He was just like, he goes, yeah, he goes, but that's like my dad's complaint. I'm like, I don't know, man.
Like, that's that. If you grew up in the 80s, 90s, like, that's a travel.

Speaker 22 Like, that's a travel.

Speaker 26 Like, it's just, it is.

Speaker 2 No, it's good.

Speaker 11 You know what I missed hearing?

Speaker 22 His creativity around the basket. And that's when you would go in there.
There was another set. There was a seven-footer from the other team, maybe a power cord, and you're a seven-footer.

Speaker 22 And you had to fucking go in.

Speaker 22 I know, you know, when's the last time you saw a double pump this side of the rim underneath reverse layup in fucking traffic. Somebody trying to take your head off.

Speaker 22 I missed the physicality of the game.

Speaker 26 Yeah, it's because they all take charges now. So they'll take a charge hoping to get an offensive foul.

Speaker 30 And then the guy going in is on his like third step. So he doesn't have, I don't know, maybe he's got more inertia, but like, yeah, it's the whole, the paint's a whole different game.

Speaker 32 They used to work it in and out of the paint, like semi-pro there when he keeps passing back forward.

Speaker 31 I don't have it.

Speaker 29 I don't have it. I don't have it.

Speaker 32 But they used to do that.

Speaker 22 Yeah, pick and roll or something. Well, I think what really changed the game, though, was the fact that the defensive player can get called for three seconds

Speaker 22 in his own end yeah that's like telling the goalie he can only be between the pipes for

Speaker 22 the post for three it's insane i can't guard my own goal all five guys should be able to stand in there with their hands up no no no no no

Speaker 22 no because there was a point in the 80s where that's why they they that's why they initially came up with the three-second rule for the offensive player because the guys got so big.

Speaker 22 They, they, I remember that Sports Illustrated did an article saying, Are they outgrowing the game?

Speaker 22 And it showed the Celtics front three, where it was Bird, who was 6'9, Mikhail was 6'11, and Parrish was seven foot tall, which was like a big deal back then.

Speaker 5 And

Speaker 22 so I, it was getting rid of some of that. So, like, I'm not saying there weren't problems in the game when I was growing up, but

Speaker 22 you know,

Speaker 22 I think they'll fix it if I hope they do because it's an it's I love basketball. It's an incredible, I love all the sports.
They're incredible games, but I feel like the owners are,

Speaker 22 you know, they've reached maximum density with their fan base and offense sells the game. So they're just,

Speaker 22 I don't know, I don't know what they're doing with it. Or, you know what? I'm probably just old is what it is.

Speaker 14 Anyway. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Talent's there, though.

Speaker 22 Talent is 100% there. Steph Curry is, I think Steph Curry is the Jordan of this era because he changed the game.

Speaker 27 Do you think he's past magic?

Speaker 22 You got to change the game. Like, whenever they say Kobe, rest his soul, or LeBron is better than Jordan, it's like what I always is: he didn't change the game.
The game is still the same.

Speaker 22 But then, also, when people from my generation say LeBron couldn't play back,

Speaker 22 what are you fucking? Guy looks like a defensive lineman. He'd be playing the game physically, and he would be of the mindset of the era, right? And he would basically be like

Speaker 22 Anthony Mason scoring, you know, 40 points.

Speaker 22 Like LeBron would have been great on those early Knicks teams, those early 90s Knicks teams. And he's just playing the game the way it's played today.

Speaker 22 He definitely would have adjusted because he would have had to. What's he going to be? Some seven-foot goof working at the gap? He would be like, all right, this is how the game's played.

Speaker 22 I'm going to play it.

Speaker 30 It's also the era where players take a little more liberty over like the coaches orders which i feel like probably maybe happened like in the 90s but like lebron literally plays every position like you can watch a different possession and he's playing a different position with you're not always under center but i'm just saying like he right he's taking the ball in every way um do you guys want to do a quick uh monday night special it's uh raiders falcons

Speaker 22 All right, I'm going to go. I'm going to hedge my bet, go against me.

Speaker 22 What is the spread? Is it four or is it three?

Speaker 30 three four four falcons are giving four to the raiders we got uh kirk cousins and uh

Speaker 27 is it car

Speaker 27 no no car is um marketing egan jr

Speaker 2 it's gotta be um i mean i'm cars with uh the saints man yeah yeah yeah yeah sorry

Speaker 22 mitch trubitsky

Speaker 27 I think they have Aiden O'Connor or something. Somebody bad.

Speaker 27 That's right.

Speaker 31 That's right. That's right.

Speaker 22 All right. Kirk Cousins scores points.

Speaker 22 Okay. He did it in

Speaker 1 Indianapolis. He did it in Minnesota.

Speaker 22 Is that what this guy's career has been?

Speaker 3 I'll take

Speaker 22 Kirk Cousins to throw one.

Speaker 27 What if we took one to throw an interception? Because it does turn it over quite a lot.

Speaker 30 It's Desmond Ritter

Speaker 30 for the Raiders.

Speaker 22 I like the first name. I don't like the second name.
The first name sounds like a touchdown. The second name sounds like a sitcom star.

Speaker 11 Desmond Ritter. No relation to John.

Speaker 22 Rest his soul.

Speaker 11 Do you ever watch The Pilot of Three's Company?

Speaker 22 Like, Chrissy totally wanted to bang him, and they fucking got rid of that storyline because she was so coming on to him, he would have fucked her by the third episode.

Speaker 14 And then, Whitty.

Speaker 29 Nowhere to go.

Speaker 29 Nowhere to go.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 22 he should have gone after Janet. Um, that's my opinion.

Speaker 28 All right,

Speaker 2 uh,

Speaker 22 all right, Kirk Cuss to throw one.

Speaker 22 I can't go wild like with an interception because that's not fair to Verse. Versey wants to win here, but he's not here to tell me the names of the players,

Speaker 2 right? Who's there?

Speaker 22 William Andrews, right now, running back.

Speaker 27 Bijan,

Speaker 27 uh, the Falcons have Bijan Robinson.

Speaker 22 Do they ever run it in anymore?

Speaker 22 What's the over-under? The housewife bet.

Speaker 2 44.

Speaker 2 Under?

Speaker 30 Most of the money's on the over.

Speaker 11 I like the under then.

Speaker 11 This has boring game written all over it.

Speaker 27 I think under is great.

Speaker 3 Yeah.

Speaker 22 Okay. So, cousins, the under.

Speaker 27 Oh, we need a third.

Speaker 22 What's the odds the streaker makes it out to the 15-yard line?

Speaker 27 If it's in Vegas, we can get probably a good money on that.

Speaker 22 Dude, that's a prop bet. We could fix that, man.

Speaker 22 Jake, if you're willing to do it,

Speaker 20 wear one of those.

Speaker 22 Mexican wrestling masks

Speaker 22 and have a cape on and just run out there. We'll just bury the streaker bet.

Speaker 27 just a little insider training.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's all. We're politicizing.

Speaker 22 Hey, it's an entertainment league, Vegas. It's an entertainment league.
Was that not? Are you not entertained?

Speaker 3 Yeah, that would be entertaining.

Speaker 22 Dude, if you put your glasses on on the outside of the mask, immediate legend.

Speaker 9 Um, all right, uh, what else?

Speaker 22 Give me something to bet.

Speaker 22 So, we got on you want to do under Kirk Cousins. Under Kirk Cousins, and then uh,

Speaker 27 well, they have

Speaker 27 we could do receivers, maybe the yards or running backs. Um,

Speaker 27 Raiders have a good tight end, Drake London, yeah. The Falcons on the Falcons,

Speaker 22 I'll let you guys pick one, pick one, pick something because I got, I have no ideas on this.

Speaker 8 What do you guys think about the last thing?

Speaker 27 I'd do something with Bijan Robinson, he's a really good player, but I don't know what the yards are.

Speaker 30 It's uh 80 and a half, so you can go over 80 and a half rushing yards.

Speaker 21 What's the anytime touchdown?

Speaker 22 No, under

Speaker 27 80s, a big number, yeah.

Speaker 11 80 is a big number.

Speaker 22 So that's that'll be the three. Hey, by the way, I was hanging with this old school guy.
I used to work in Vegas when the mob was there, and he told me, you know what they called the half-a-point?

Speaker 3 The hook?

Speaker 11 Yes, I'd never heard that.

Speaker 22 The hook. And I can't say what he said, but he said the hook.

Speaker 11 And you can fill in the blanks.

Speaker 22 The hook has killed more so-and-so's than so-and-so.

Speaker 22 You just go into history and just fill in those blanks.

Speaker 22 That would be the end of my crit. It's not my saying, but I don't even want to

Speaker 21 repeat it.

Speaker 14 But that was the saying out there.

Speaker 30 CNN is how the show made CNN last week.

Speaker 31 We can

Speaker 22 gross was that? That those fucking assholes on CNN sat around acting like they actually were confused or surprised by the reaction that people don't like CEOs.

Speaker 22 And then them sitting there like they were going to get down to the bottom of it.

Speaker 22 It's like these CEOs are behaving the way they are because guys like you are not doing your job because you're not journalists on CNN or Fox.

Speaker 5 You're not.

Speaker 22 You guys are treasonous people who are sucking the corporate conk and you're fucking looking the other way.

Speaker 22 And then when like, you know, an athlete says something or a fucking soap opera star tweets something or some regular guy hoards hand sanitizer in their fucking garage, you act like, you act like that's that's the reason the country's going to but meanwhile you can still charge 600 bucks for a pill when you're going when you got leukemia go yourselves cnn and box news all of those pieces of

Speaker 32 it did say promo code burr which is hilarious

Speaker 14 because it was the it was it was

Speaker 22 right on cnn it's like ben mgm promo code burr and just like bounce past I gotta say, one of the funniest things ever to me is that Anderson Cooper has a podcast.

Speaker 11 It's like, you don't have enough money.

Speaker 2 It's like you're on CNN.

Speaker 11 You're a Vanderbilt.

Speaker 14 You get hammered in

Speaker 22 Times Square every year with what's his face?

Speaker 22 Andy. You got to go and take Sams.com money out of some feature acts pocket.

Speaker 11 Jesus, Anderson.

Speaker 31 And

Speaker 22 I love the headphones too. So you know it's his podcast.

Speaker 30 The average CNN show gets like, and that just the numbers that they report is like, I'll say less than most of the shows, less than the average Monday morning podcast.

Speaker 19 It's insane.

Speaker 27 Shots fired,

Speaker 8 anyways.

Speaker 22 All right, so it was listen.

Speaker 22 I'm just saying, you know what I mean? Like,

Speaker 11 what are you going to do next?

Speaker 22 Are you going to put together 20 minutes and start going on the fucking road?

Speaker 22 This week we got Anderson Cooper. Next week, we got

Speaker 22 Sebastian. We got Bill Burke coming here.

Speaker 22 And then I show up, dude. Anderson had to add shows.

Speaker 14 I'm like, what the fuck?

Speaker 22 Hey, Bill, can you do some morning radio? We had Anderson Cooper here last week.

Speaker 22 He's doing stand-ups. No, he did a live podcast.
He sold out this arena twice.

Speaker 30 He's selling out so hard. He's just doing like bits about his wife, even though he's not married and he's gay.

Speaker 22 Dude, you know, if he did a live podcast, they would have that little fucking oriental rug with the chair and he would have

Speaker 22 drink and and no tie so you know that he's loosening up right this is the cnn's anderson cooper this is this is hanging out anderson cooper who's still not going to call out these pieces pieces of i i just it's it's uh

Speaker 22 It is depressing. And it was fucking great.
You watch, though. You watch.

Speaker 22 They're already starting to say this Luigi kid was an anti-capitalist because what they want to do is they don't want us to identify with him.

Speaker 22 they don't want red and blue came together working class red and blue came together fuck CEOs okay and now what they're gonna do is is try to divide us again and there's bots probably already doing it on Instagram I'm telling you these people should be in jail for treason somebody said they already said it's the first it's somebody said it's the first radical centrist shooting that was kind of funny because because both people they were trying to pin him they were like look at all these right-wing people he follows and then people are like well look at all the left-wing people like the guy the guy was quoting ted Ted Bundy, like, or not Ted Bundy, Kaczynski, but whatever.

Speaker 28 It doesn't matter.

Speaker 27 Yeah, they're trying to make him seem like he's mentally insane to make it look like, oh, this is some crazy murderer. But

Speaker 9 you might have been a little off.

Speaker 5 You might have been a little off. Well, I mean, I guess you have to.

Speaker 22 Hey, dude, you got to be a little off to do what we're, you know, to succeed in life.

Speaker 8 You got to be a little crazy.

Speaker 14 Yeah. You got to have a little delusionment.

Speaker 27 You want to leave a legacy?

Speaker 22 I mean, he had a whole hit list. Like, he was going to get to those other guys.

Speaker 22 Well, scratch that guy off the list. Doofy-doopy-doo.
Like, just like he was going to, like, he was going to shop.

Speaker 2 You know what I love?

Speaker 32 You know what I love about people is people are complicated, just, and you can't put them down.

Speaker 30 Somebody, like, they posted, like, wow, like, he was really well-spoken and well-thought.

Speaker 8 And then they posted a picture of him with a beer can hitting it against his head, cracking it, and pounding it.

Speaker 32 Not even around friends, just like in the corner of like a party.

Speaker 22 I was just like, yeah, everybody's everybody. Yeah, yeah, it's called layers.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 22 he's an intellect.

Speaker 22 Yo, people who watch my act, they think I just walk around

Speaker 22 the whole fucking day. It's like, no, I don't.
Sometimes I'm just sitting in the corner quietly, wondering what the fuck happened to the last 40 years. All right, I have to go.

Speaker 22 I got bullshit I got to do. All right, that's the podcast.

Speaker 22 God bless all you on both sides. Don't let them divide you.
Don't trust those fucking news channels. All right.
Think for yourselves, you dumb cunts.

Speaker 10 All right.

Speaker 21 All right.

Speaker 22 I include myself in that. All right.
I'll see you guys later.