Monday Morning Podcast 11-25-24

Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday Morning Podcast for Monday, November 25th, 2024. What's going on? How are ya? How's it going, man? Sitting out in the driveway in my car because my freaking house is noisy today.
Got kids over. Kids are playing.
That's my toy. He hit me.
He hurt me. All this shit, right? Can't do a podcast with all of that going on.
You don't want to listen to me trying to talk to you guys in every five seconds, having to be, knock it off. Anyway, I just realized, because this podcast is for November 25th, but I'm recording it November 24th, and believe it or not, believe it or not, I haven't fucking drank in six years, six miserable fucking years, oh, just fucking not drinking, um, you know, what's cool is I don't even fucking think about it it I didn't even know that this was six years until I was trying to figure out what's the date of this podcast and I was like November 24 oh shit well what do you know November 24th 2018 old Billy Rednose was throwing him back watching Michigan versus Ohio State.
Oh, nearly. Michigan lost again, if I believe, if I remember correctly.
I was drinking Kentucky Owl. Fucking delicious.
And I got to tell you, man, if you're gonna, if that's gonna be your last drink, that's the way to do it. And well, let's be honest.
I cut out drinking and then my cigar smoking went off the fucking rails. Then I tried to cut back on that.
And then during the pandemic, my big move was I wanted, I don't know, I had a craving for a chocolate malt. And I grew up on the East Coast and they had fraps and everything.
But when I visited, you know, relatives in the Midwest, I went to Bob's Big Boy and they had malt, malted milk. And my older brother told me about it.
He goes, dude, you got to have this shit. This tastes better than the shit we're drinking back East.
And I guess the frapp was from New Jersey. I did this whole fucking research on it.
I mean, I was bored. What was I going to do? Face myself and my demons during the pandemic? No.
So I went to fucking making these malted shakes, you know, eating fucking weed gummies and eating ice cream sandwiches. And old Billy went up to fucking a buck 95.
You know, looking like a retired fullback.

So, but I wasn't smoking as many cigars.

I always, it's always something, right?

So now I've laid off the cigars.

I got my weight under control,

although I put a few pounds on

this last fucking old Billy road weight.

It's going to happen.

What am I supposed to do?

I'm out there on the road.

I miss my wife and kids. What am I going to do? You know, I used to just go out and drink until I fucking passed out.
That's not good. That doesn't look good on a FaceTime the next morning with your kids, you know, waking up looking like fucking Nick Nolte and down and out in Beverly Hills.
I didn't want to do that. So anyway, here I sit.
I've had one fucking cigar. I had one last week, my first one since the end of July.
And I was like, God, why did I do that? I'm going to start back up again. And I haven't.
I haven't. I was definitely for three days going like, oh, let's have another.
Oh, Billy wants another. And I just didn't do it.
I was like, you know what? I'm not going to have another one until I'm not craving one and I can make a fucking rational decision. So I don't know, I think I might have one on Thanksgiving,

but we're going to have a bunch of people over and a cigar is just fucking

obnoxious.

It's kind of what I like about it.

I'm anti-social.

It just really just makes people's nose wrinkle up and they walk away,

you know,

unless it's a woman and their dad didn't stick around.

And he always smoked cigars when he was driving away from one of her events that he should have been to and then it produces a different response so anyway um i've always loved those people who just go you know they just blow past addiction and they just go everything in moderation my mom always said that everything in moderation. And that's just because, you know, she had the ability to do it.
I don't know. I do, but I just don't do it.
I just got to I got to like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck my deal is. So anyway, I'm talking in circles.
Judas Priest turning circles. Anyway, the fuck am I talking about here? So yes, it's November 25th.
I am done with my amazing tour through the Central Valley of California. Started in Ojai.
That's not the Central Valley. Well, that's where we fucking started.
And I went to Bakersfield. Next gig was Fresno.
Then Modesto. Then Stockton.
Then Visalia. Right? Visalia.
And it's one of my favorite tours I ever did. And I just played all of these amazing old theaters, the Fox theaters, the Warner theaters, and the Bob Hope.
And I don't know, I just, and I went to all of these mom and pop, like, coffee places, breakfast places, getting something to eat.

I walked around all the towns.

I finally got to go to Stockton, home of Nick and Nate Diaz and Chris Isaac.

I mean, how's that for running the whole gamut?

And guess what?

I thought it was a fucking great town.

A lot of nice neighborhoods, a lot of cool houses, a lot of fucking cool people. Got a great cup of coffee.
Went to this place. Where the fuck did I go? The Well or something like that.
Get breakfast, a great hang. Modesto's, what was that one? That was Good Day Lucille's is where I went and got a great breakfast I got the fucking that's what I put on weight I got the uh the biscuit with the egg and the uh forget what what was on on top of it like sausage or something was fucking amazing and their coffee that might have been the best coffee I had was Lucille's and uh Modesto it was fucking amazing and then the last night i went to visalia we got there early and

there's a famous hot dog stand i put it in my stories i forget the name of it i mean i was fucking barnstorming there so we went there and uh i got a uh a chili dog no melon camp sucking on chili dough

I love how long that lyric was out there

before anybody

went sucking on chili dough. I love how long that lyric was out there before anybody went like, what is he talking about? Is he talking about what I think I'm talking? I don't know.
And I've never gotten chili on a hot dog before because the only time I've ever added chili to anything, I usually add shit to chili, but putting chili, the only time I had chili cheese fries once in my life at Carney's, that little train car, this guy, Todd Parker, who not only did I work with in Boston and in LA and Atlanta and Canada, we've done a bunch of gigs together. He actually judged, you know, the first time I did standup, it was a contest and he was one of the judges.
Right. And, uh, so I've known him forever, known him for fucking 33 years.
Right. So he goes, you've had chili cheese fries.
I said, no, he goes, oh dude, you know, cause this was not a thing back in Boston. So we went to Carney's and I ate it.
And that was the last time I had a six pack, um, flat flat stomach. The next day my stomach was just sticking out a little bit.
Never went back down. So I always blamed the chili cheese fries other than the fact that I didn't know anything about nutrition and I was getting older and my metabolism was slowing down.
So that's the first time I've ever had chili on a hot dog and it was fucking amazing. And then we stayed at the Darling Hotel, which was this killer art deco hotel that looked like it was out of a Coen brother movie.
Had an amazing outdoor area up top on the roof. Didn't get a chance to go up there, but I just kind of walked around the downtown area went to the record shop got a great burger at a sports bar and then we came and we did we loaded up we did the gig which was fucking incredible the crowd i can't even tell you like these places anybody out there that plays in a band or does whatever like you know it's it's weird like when you're coming up you're playing all of these shitholes in these fucking one-horse towns right so you have these bad experiences so you start thinking negatively about these places and it's just like well they didn't know who you were and you also weren't good at what you did yet.
So, you know, you can come back and have a good experience, right? Because I talked to a bunch of comedians. I was like all excited.
Oh, I'm going up to 99. I've never gone past fucking Bakersfield.
You're familiar with it. And all these West Coast comics, they would get this look on their face like, oh, yeah, yeah.
I've been up there, unfortunately, and all of this shit. And I kind of knew what they were saying because we drove back from basalia i don't know what the fuck chemicals we were driving through what the fuck they were burning at night but it was the worst smell i've ever smelled since i was up in greely colorado where they have this fucking gigantic slaughterhouse and they literally had like bad smell days and you could call up the slaughterhouse and tell them hey you know fucking take it easy down there all right tell Wendy's they can only sell doubles not triples today so anyway I had nothing but great experiences in all of those towns I did at one point get chased by a sweaty guy that was a little methy I'm not gonna going to lie to you.
I'm not going to tell the town because all these towns get like negative shit. So I'm not going to say what town I was in.
All right. But we were walking back from getting coffee and this guy came out of the house and he just looked like, you know, he was going through it.
We'll put it that way. So, um, he looked at me and he goes, Hey, I think he recognized me, I guess.
And I said, Hey, what's up, brother? How you doing? And he's like, I'm all right. And then I was like, oh boy.
So then we walked for like 10 more minutes because it was like, this place was like a mile away from the hotel, you know, get our steps in. And we walked for like 10 more minutes.
Because it was like, this place was like a mile away from the hotel. You know, get our steps in.
We walked for like 10 minutes and we're shooting the shit. And we're talking and all of that.
Me and Dean. He's got his French bulldog Gertie with us, right? And we're just having a good time.
The leaves are changing colors and shit. It's looking cool.
And then all of a sudden after 10 minutes, 10 minutes later saying hello to this meth-y looking dude, I just hear from way down the block, I hear this, hey, hey Bill, right, I turn around, and he's doing that, he's like, fucking way, way the hell down there, like he's in the Michael Jackson thriller video, so I just go, oh fuck, so I just turn around, I'm like, hey buddy, and then I turn back, and we walk, I go, Dean, do me dean do me a favor turn around and act like you're talking to me before i even did that he turned over the wrong shoulder and looked back at the guy i was like ah he's supposed to be more subtle than that i go is he's running isn't he and he goes yeah and i got a fuck i go we're gonna make it because we were close to the hotel and he goes just wait till we turn the corner right so my fucking heart's racing because I can hear the guy coming and we turned the corner and Dean was just like all right go go go go we fucking ran into the hotel into the lobby the lady like checking is looking at it's like what the fuck and uh the elevator doors just happened to be open and we went in and they door. And I was laughing.
And I was going, dude, I'm not going to feel safe until I'm in my fucking hotel room. Because those fucking junkies, they got like this fucking sixth sense about them.
He'll pick the right floor or something or he'll come in and freak out. What floor are they going to? And she'd be scared and just tell him.

So that went on.

And then in another town, I was looking out my hotel window.

And I thought it was a man-made lake.

And I'm looking at him half asleep in the morning.

I wake up and I look out and I see like this fucking thing surface. Like the Loch Ness Monster.

I was like, what the fuck was that?

And it went underneath. And it came back up again.
And I was on the phone FaceTiming with Nick. I'm going, what the fuck is that? I'm going, yeah, I think there's, is that a fucking seal? This is like a little man-made lake here.
Like, what the fuck is there a seal? And how come there's people walking along the lake and they're not looking at it like it's weird this is fresh water how is there a seal in there then i was like is that a dog and then at one point it started looking like a a person you know the sun was in my eyes i didn't have on my glasses and i finally went out there and and it was a seal and i was like freaking the fuck out like you know we're like way inland how the fuck is there a seal here I still don't understand it but then I looked down finally looked down the other way and I realized it wasn't closed off it was more like a channel and I saw this splash and I saw more seals down there I was like this is this is this is really fucking weird was weird to me anyway. I still don't understand how the, how they got that far up river.
And then I'm thinking like, well, who eats seals, killer whales and sharks. So like, what else is in this water? And, um, you know, that's like my biggest fear, you know, any sort of water with shit in there that has predators in it.
It's bad. It just, it's the whole not being able to see them, not being in your environment.
You know, it's like if a fucking lion was running at you or a bear, you know, it's going to get you, but at least you can run. At least you can move on that surface.
What the fuck are you going to do in water? Like there's nothing in the ocean that is slower than a person. You are getting caught by everything.
And then just not knowing. At least you know where the lying is, you're like, alright, this is it.
You know, fuck. You got something.
You're in the water. You're like, did it go away? Is it coming back? Was it a dolphin? And there's no answers.
And all your brain is doing is giving you the worst possible fucking scenarios. Unless you're that chick on Instagram who just, you just fucking relax and swim right at them.
It's unbelievable. I've maintained this for the longest time.
My people, whiteys, we talk to wild animals like they're dogs. We'll talk to a reptile.
Oh, come on now. Knock that off.
Some alligator like hissing. Oh, he's grumpy today.
He's grumpy today. Like what? He just found out he's working a double? It's a fucking reptile, you dumb fuck.
Walking. Did you see that fucking old guy who tried to throw his shirt over the thing's eyes? And this thing was like a middleweight alligator.
So it outweighed this old fuck, right? And he gets on it and the thing flips him off. And at one point grabbed his arm and started doing the shake.
Didn't pull his arm off because it let go. I don't know.
Fucking idiots. It really is amazing that human beings survived considering.
You know, I guess because we're smarter than all the animals, I guess that's how it works. I don't think we're smarter than dolphins or killer whales, but like, you know, location, location, location.
You know, they're in the fucking water. So that's it for that.
But I guess that shows you why nerds run the world, you know? All of those years of getting stuffed into lockers and everything. Man, we're fucking paying for it now.
I got to get some air in this fucking car. I guess we're paying for it now, huh? It's funny.
In the 80s, they made those movies Revenge of the Nerds. I think it's happening now with all these fucking nerds.
They're creating monopolies and they just call it consolidation. And then it's like they get investigated or tried to be shut down by the government.

And now it's legal to bribe politicians.

I mean, it's always been something they did.

But now you don't even have to fucking hide it.

So that's what I'm waiting for.

I'm sick of listening to politicians blaming minorities and immigrants, illegal immigrants.

It's like, what about nerds?

How about that?

The number one threat to the middle class is nerds and their insatiable fucking greed. Oh, and speaking of which, I actually had time today because we drove home last night.
Club Soda Kenny, Deanny dean gertie and myself right after the gig it was great too we other than the fucking bad smell south of the salia before we got to fucking uh uh bakersfield um we fucking uh close the door here's people yelling up the street Yeah, we drove home and there was like no traffic. We just fucking cruised.
Before I knew it, we were going through the Grapevine, which is, I don't know if those are the San Gabriel Mountains, whatever. It's part of that mountain chain.
And the five runs through it. And it's one of the scariest sections of highway.
It's 50 miles and there's just something crazy about it where there's all of these 18 wheelers there's all of these places for them to pull off if they lose their brakes and there's people in rvs there's people on motorcycles and then there's people in in like those fucking fast and furious cars and it's just like you ever see those races like like the 24-hour Le Mans where there's like five different classes of cars all out there it's like there's like f1 cars and like fucking dots and station wagons you ever see those races they're all on the fucking track it's really weird um that's what it feels like and we got right through that and everything so anyway I was was able to wake up this morning and watch a little bit of the football and everything. And I got to be honest, I really just found something today.
Like, you know, you know, they always say, you know, the game can pass by a coach. It can pass by an athlete.
Like, it can also pass by you as a fan. I'm not saying all fans, but like me, I just really feel like it's passed me by and I'm kind of all right with it.

I still love to watch sports. I like college more because college reminds me of what I grew up with.

You know, which is college sports is almost like my classic rock station.

Like if I just want comfort food and I can listen to the music that I heard

when I was growing up working in warehouses and shit.

I was watching, you know, just looking at the scores.

I had the chiefs game on and I'm looking at the fucking Vikings bears.

I'm like, that game's over.

I'm looking at the fucking chiefs Panthers game.

I'm like, this fucking game's over. And they weren't.
Neither game was over. Both teams came back.
And it just fucking happens every week. Every week, somebody comes back from down like 17 fucking points.
Like the changes that they've made to the game, it just happens all the fucking time. Happens all the fucking time.
And I'm sitting there going like, you know, so now they go into overtime. The Panthers tie it up against the Chiefs and they go, Patrick Mahomes has had 26, 26 fourth quarter comebacks in his career.
That guy's like 28, 29 years old. So I look it up, Joe Montana, the greatest I ever saw.
All right. The greatest I ever saw no No disrespect to Tom Brady.
Just the way you could beat the fuck out of a quarterback back then. I would say like, you know, that guy and I looked it up.
That guy has 32 come from behind victories. 32 in his fucking career.
And he played to like his late 30s. This kid is like, and he did it again.
He got like number 27. He's like five behind Joe Montana.
He's not even 30 yet. Like this kid could have like 50, 55 come from behind.
And I was just thinking about it, right? And I'm watching the game. and at one point, Pac-Tamon home starts running the ball,

and he was going to get 10 or 12 yards,

but the DBs thought he was going to slide or go out of bounds,

and then he just keeps running.

They should make a rule that if the corner's there and he can stick you

and he doesn't, you should have the decency to slide or go out of bounds,

but he didn't.

He kept running, and he got like 33 yards like he was fucking Emmitt Smith or something. And of course, they're like, Patrick Mahomes, right? They've been screaming his name since he first came in the league, talking about how special he was going to be.
It's like, dude, the guy played at fucking Texas Tech. And I'm telling you, I'm just looking at it going like, just watching all of this shit, I just feel like the amount of changes they made in the game where you'll say like analytics, like rather than coaching from your gut now, there's these situations that the numbers people figured out, this is what you want to do.
This is the best odds for success. Right? And they did that with coaching.
Okay. Vegas has been doing it forever with using, you know, these mathematicians and whatever the fuck they do to come up with the betting lines.
So they did it with that.

So why wouldn't the marketing team in the NFL be able to have a computer and figure

out different scenarios, play them through and be like, okay, what sells this game?

Offense.

How do we get more offense in this fucking game?

What kills us when games are blowouts at halftime and people switch it off and watch another game? What rules can we make to ensure that the most amount of games come down to the final fucking player going to overtime so everybody watches the games, the ratings stay high and we can charge more for advertising, right? I feel like they did that, and the game has just completely changed, like, I don't know, like the Dolphins Patriots. It's just like, they were fucking kicking the shit out of us.
They take Tua out in the fourth quarter. I know he's got a bunch of concussions and all of that, and then they just, all of a sudden, we're like back in the game, and it's like, well, how come they can't play fucking defense anymore? Like, I don't know.
The whole thing is fucking weird. And it's just not the game that I recognize.
I put on the NBA. Everybody's shooting threes.
Nobody's in the paint. People are dunking on nobody.
They took away the red line in hockey. The game is just up and down and up and down and up and down.
I don't recognize you hit a home run right now. They do everything but take their dick out and jerk off as they watch it go over the wall.
Gambling is legal. You can gamble at fucking the goddamn stadium.
Weed is legal. You can bribe a politician now.
It's a gratuity. You don't have to pedal a fucking bike.
There's nothing in this world that I read. Porn is free.
I don't recognize anything anymore. I'm not saying any of this is good or bad.
It's just not the world I fucking grew up in and I don't relate to it anymore. So it's like you're telling me like, you know, like this is a donut.
It looks like a donut, but it doesn't taste like the donut. Does that make sense? It probably doesn't.
That's a bad analogy. I don't know what it is, but I am...
I think after all of these years of being a rabid fan, I think I'm just a casual fan at this point. I just feel like it's all that same corporate disease that's in entertainment.
It's also in sports. We have to grow.
We got to keep growing. We got to make more money.
We got to make more money. We got to get in every major city in America.
We got to go national. We got to go international.
We got to be like soccer in the UFC. We got to go more and more and more.
What the fuck? And it's just like insatiable. And at some point the product gets her, I see it in standup comedy now, you know, like you see it, when I was coming up, it was like, there was always, look, there was always people trying to like write an act to get a sitcom or to get on the tonight show.
Like they had an angle, but like most people were trying to get good at being

comedians and i feel like my generation would be doing what this generation was doing if what they have available to them you know they would do but now like analytics has even gotten into like stand-up comedy and it's just like okay crowd work okay get some more numbers i gotta sell tickets Get a special.

Chop up the special.

Post the clips.

Do this.

Do that or whatever.

And it stops. Like, okay, crowd work.
Okay, get some more numbers. I got to sell tickets.
Get a special. Chop up the special.

Post the clips.

Do this, do that or whatever.

And it stops being about like, you know, becoming a good comedian.

You know, I'm not shitting on younger comics either.

I'm just saying because my work now is affected by that.

People are telling me, oh, you know, you got to do this on Instagram.

You got to post. That's why I'm posting those fucking stories on the thing.
People, you got to do this. All right, I guess I got to fucking do this.
I don't know. So I think, I don't know what I'm saying here.
I just think I'm kind of going to fucking tap out. Because you only as an old person can you relate to this where you see shit that is like that's the shit i was watching but it's different you know like uh what was that movie everybody you know you the horror movie you come back and everybody's replaced with like there's something right yeah it looks like your mom but it's not your mom Jordan Peele Us Was that what it was? I feel like

Everything in my life right now is uh is like that so i think it's just like all right well i it's time for me to step back I actually had this idea

for an app

um for me to step back. I actually had this idea for an app.
This is for people in my situation. And it would be basically, I feel like this is going to happen in the future.
What year do you want to live in? Right. And you don't have to like totally commit to it for a year it could just be a day like you you get to the side right and you don't have to like totally commit to it for a year it could just be a day like you you get to the side right and it would just be like you just say what year you want to live in and then you know those things that advertise on uh on podcasts they used to always make fun of them where they just send a box of clothes like okay 1978 so they send you 1978.
And then everything becomes 1978.

The TV shows, the commercials, the music, your car.

Everything just becomes... How would you do that with an app?

I don't know.

Some fucking nerd would figure it out.

You know, through consolidation to whatever the fuck they do.

And you could just, like, live there.

Like, I feel like if I could live in any time. Well, that's a good thing.
Okay, if you could live in any time, like what? Oh, my neighbor thinks I'm fucking crazy. He's fixing his fence.
And I'm fucking sitting here talking to myself. My bare feet, my pajama bottom, sitting in my car.
That's good. That'll make him feel better about himself.
You know, people, anything I can do. Anything I can do to help out.
That's a question. If you could pick, I think just picking one year is a little difficult.
Like, I would pick 86. I'd pick 86 to 91, those five years.
And it would be before I became a stand-up comedian. And it would be like...
I'm ending high school. I'm going into college.
Just the music. I don't know.
Then I wouldn't be a parent. That's a fucking hard one.

All right, this was a dumb idea.

Let me do...

Let me do the...

Let me do the...

That right there was the Al Capone's vault

of fucking sales pitches.

I really apologize for that.

Oh, here's something, but I didn't bring up.

That was my last date. I don't have any more stand-up dates anywhere in the near future I'm getting ready to go back to New York um rehearsal start in February for uh Glenn Gary Glenn Ross so um I'm pretty much you know just gonna be reading the play reading the play play, reading the play as you do.
And then get myself into that situation. But yeah.
But now, of course, I got all this great shit that I'm coming up with. So I'll still be hitting probably the local clubs and stuff like that.
But anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank to everybody in the Central Valley of California that came out to my shows. Thank you to everybody that fed me, poured me great cups of coffee and all that.
Me and Dean could not have had a better time. That was one of my favorite tours I have ever done.
It was fantastic. So with that, let's plow ahead.
Let's do the reeds. Why don't I do this? Why don't I turn the fucking car on and put the windows down a little bit, you dumb fuck? There we go, so you don't have to keep opening and closing the goddamn...
All right. To name or not to name? Bill, I've been listening to the podcast since 2011.
I really enjoy hearing about your travels to different towns and cities I'd otherwise never hear of. Well, there you go.
You got your fill on this one. I'm wondering how you decide to name or not name an establishment you like on the podcast.
You often would say, I don't want to name it because I don't want it to blow up and ruin it. I always thought that was weird because you're a champion of small businesses.
Oh, this is what I do. It's like if the business is struggling or if it's in like a super small town, you know, like Mega Texas Barbecue in Fresno, it's like Fresno is a place in general people have this negative idea of and that they're going to skip it.
I'll do it that way. But I selfishly, places I know in LA,

you know, I don't want to stand in

fucking line. So I don't.
Anyway, he says, I know you have a good reach, but you're not at Oprah

level of running a small business integrity. All right, take it easy.
I know where I am in this

business. Jesus Christ.
It's a fucking holiday week. You got to put me in my place like that? Or creating a huge line in East bumfuck.
You'd be surprised. I brought up Mega Texas Barbecue and they said they had all kinds of people fucking come in there.
All right. So, you know saying i'm oprah you know i got a little something going on over here uh lately you've named more of these stops but as recent as last year you said you didn't want to name a place you loved how do you decide or are you just an erratic redhead yeah i'm an erratic redhead Yeah, I, you know, I say things that I'm gonna do and then I don't do them and then I say things I'm not gonna do and then I do it.
You know, where I'm from, that's called being human. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, commercial.
Hit show show right there. I saw recently somebody famous said that they were leaving this country because a certain host of a certain reality show with a certain comb over became president.
And then they said they were moving to this country that, as far as I know,

has like 90% income tax or something fucking insane. In my whole life, I saw like the rock

stars like moving away from there. George Harrison.
Yeah. England.
Right. Are they still doing that?

I just don't understand why, why, okay.

You want to move to another country?

Go ahead.

But like, why don't you just go to Montreal?

They speak English and French.

Fucking people are cool.

You know, I don't know.

You're North.

Maybe a global warming won't get as hot as quick. Maybe some polar bears will come down and fucking eat your friend but who knows i don't know i don't know where to move but i don't think i would move someplace where it's like you know fish in newspapers and 90 income tax i just i just don't know about that move all right female.
Hello. Oh, one of the ladies wrote in.
This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.
So this guy wrote in and he was talking about how he would go on dates. You know, he loves his girlfriend and all that.
He would go on dates and then she would out of nowhere just accuse him of I fucking every girl in the room. So then this woman wrote back, said, listen.
You know. It could be that you are doing that, but if you aren't doing that, just pay attention to what she ate.
Because she found out she was whatever, lactose intolerant, it was affecting her mood, her period cycle and all of this shit. So, in other words, she put some of it on the woman.
So this is the person responding to that. This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate first let me say i was initially happy that a woman wrote in because it was about time well what the fuck was stopping you i just don't understand women just fucking play the victim it's like there's nothing stopping you from doing this there's nothing stopping you from going to a wnba game and supporting them and selling the fucking place out so they can make what guys make to play basketball.
It's nothing stopping you from going to a WNBA game and supporting them and selling the fucking place out so they can make what guys make to play basketball.

There's nothing stopping you.

Except your own fucking whatever the fuck is going on in your ear between your ears.

Anyway, it quickly turned into disappointment.

This lady really wrote in to excuse her crazy behavior.

Exclamation point.

Oh, boy.

Thank you. This lady really wrote in to excuse her crazy behavior, exclamation point.

Oh, boy.

These ladies, I mean, they just, all they do is fucking argue with each other.

Here we go.

The lady wrote in, she said some things, and then, like, this lady doesn't even know this lady.

Now she's going to say, now she knows, exclamation point, so she's yelling this stuff.

You know, it just breaks my heart as a man and as a male feminist to see you women just going back and forth like this on the podcast. I'm kidding.
All right. She really, she really, she's really trying to convince people that she's crazy because she eats food, LOL.
Then go on to blame it on hormones. So which one is it, Your hormones or your stomach? Hey, I yelled at my boyfriend because I ate bread.
Crazy behavior for sure. All right, so she's not buying it.
I thought she was saying that it could be this, it could be that, it could be all of that. But I actually like what you're saying.
You're like, no, you're just fucking crazy. It has nothing to do with the bread.
She goes, anyway, love your podcast and you're hilarious. I saw you at the Magic Castle during COVID and we all needed that laugh.
Oh, yeah, out in the parking lot. I love those gigs.
I was in my car cracking up. Okay, bye.
All right. Well, stop fucking playing the victim, ladies.
Write in whenever you want. I love hearing from you dumb whores um i don't feel you know listen you wouldn't know this but i actually love women individually you know i like shooting the shit with them or whatever talking about life here in their perspective it's just when they all get together and start talking and the voices get louder and And, you know, I got tinnitus.
So I just, you know, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with my bad ears.
They just start fucking ringing. Underrated California town.
Oh, I love this one. Dear Bill Belitnikoff, one of my favorite wide receivers of all time.
Fred Belitnikoff, number 25 with the ripped jerseys. Ripped jersey and the fucking quarterback face mask.
He said, I figured it was a good time to bring this up as you are currently on your small town California tour in places people who aren't from here probably haven't heard of. Well, having said that, you know, all of them had a couple hundred thousand people as a population.

So it wasn't like, you know, a little 20,000 person town.

A town you should definitely check out

and maybe stop by to do a show is Chico, California.

I have some bias being from here,

but having traveled a decent amount

and lived in four different states,

I have discovered how great a town it is. Well, where is it? Some quick Chico bullet points for you.
Oh, my God. Do you remember when what's Jesse the Body Ventura used to call Tito Santana? He goes, I don't know about this Chico Santana.
Just fucking. Anyway, Sierra Nevada Brewery started here.
Nice. in 1980.
Oh, oh you gotta do that on my fucking sober birthday I'm not sober I just quit drinking, I am not sober in 1987 Playboy magazine rated Chico State as the number one party school as well as recent best college bar in the country winner, rated by Barstool Sports. All right, Aaron Rodgers went to high school here.
Look at this shit. Upper and Lower Bidwell Park are gorgeous.
Very walkable, bikeable town with great food and a great downtown. This sounds like something I could bring my wife to, man.
This is amazing. I can give you recommendations on, if you ever visit mexican food that competes with and top and tops some of southern california spots i currently live in san diego thanks and let's go raiders all right well let's let's fucking see where this place is can i open my google maps all right turn off the fucking airplane thing which means somebody's immediately fucking call me and I'm going to have to edit this fucking thing together.
Hang on a second. What do we got here? Chico, California.
C-H-I-C-O. Chico, California is...
Holy shit. That's way the fuck up there that is north of sacramento and then you got redding and then eureka then i could come down and do santa rosa well you know it's funny you say that i was gonna tell my uh my agent there that i wanted to do Northern California.

I mean, I got to do the rest of the 99, no?

I went all the way up there.

Let's see some of these towns up here.

Lodi, get a Lodi this place.

Sorry.

Cortland, Lincoln, Plumas Lake, Yuba City.

There's Chico. And then you go to the West and there's Eureka.
You know, which I wanted to go to until I got Netflix and they told me it was Murder Mountain. You know, it's weird.
I get, was that over weed? Can you imagine getting fucking killed in a bad drug deal over weed?

I always felt it had to be more serious drugs.

You know, like Coke or heroin, something like that.

Just weed kind of like, hey, man, like what you're doing over there is not groovy, man.

What do I know about that world?

Evidently nothing.

All right.

Where am I?

Forty two minutes in.

Forty two.

Oh, let's take a little side note here. What do I do here? Rest in peace, Chuck Woolery.
Chuck Woolery. They don't make him like that anymore.
That was a fucking man's man. He was just what you wanted to look like.
That full head of hair. That strong jaw.
He had the Rolex presidential. And he would just sit there.
I used to talk to him with a buddy of mine. He just didn't have a care in the world.
He was fucking good looking. He knew it.
The original host of the Wheel of Fortune. Then he did Love Connection.
And all the ladies loved him. All the ladies loved him.
He fucking dressed good. They knew he smelled good.
He was just fucking crushing it. Chuck Woolery.
I'll tell you something. Chuck Woolery, Chris Christofferson.
Who else passed this year? these guys were like just bigger than life when I was a kid oh you know what and then like I've been watching some Coen brother movies and I watched what was it it, In Cold Blood?

I got to get these names right.

I should have done this before I got it. I'm so fucking disorganized.

Well, whatever, you know what I mean?

I just sort of wing this thing.

What do you want from me?

I don't know, Bill, a little fucking preparation.

In Cold Blood cast.

You got to see it.

It's on the Criterion Channel, or as I call it, Smart Netflix. Hey, no disrespect.
There we go. Let's see what we got here.
In Cold Blood Cast. Oh, no, not in Cold Blood.
What am I talking about? Blood Simple. Jesus Christ, I'm getting them confused here.
Some cinephile was screaming at his device here. Blood Simple cast.
You got to see that one. M.
Emmett Walsh recently passed away was amazing and everyone was amazing in that movie and the suspense that they created was fantastic and then I saw a movie for whatever reason I never wanted to watch it it just didn't appeal to me and I actually sat down and watched it I watched Barton Fink John, John Goodman, John Turturro are amazing. And Michael Lerner, who got nominated for best supporting was so fucking incredible in that movie.
And, uh, he also recently passed away, uh, shout out to them. But if you go on the Criterion channel, AKA smart Netflix, they, um, they got, uh, all of these coen brother movies up there and um i don't know you know when i was talking about earlier about having an app about what year you'd want to live in or what era you won't want to live in i actually uh that's kind of the way that i sort of stay you know back where I feel like I belonged more is I just go back and I watch those old movies and I gotta be honest with you man I don't think the Coen brothers get brought up enough and I'm not gonna fucking start an argument here but there's certain directors when they talk about the greatest American directors get brought up and I don't you know if the coen brothers are brought up they usually brought up fourth or fifth and now that i'm watching a lot of these movies that i hadn't seen before like uh the man who wasn't there barton fink and all of that and it's just like their their range to be able to do go from blood simple their next movie then being raising arizona if you're a young person you've never seen any either one of those movies um you're not going to regret it uh unless you've just been death scrolling your whole life and watching free porn and you have the attention span of a fucking squirrel then you're probably going to think that the blood simple starts slow i'm telling you it's fucking incredible movie and then raising arizona to this day is still one of the funniest movies i've ever seen and and the actors that they work with have the versatility of the material that the coen brothers are writing like john goodman like what do you want him to do do you want him to be fucking fall on the floor fucking hilarious or do you want him to play a serial killer he can do that too like that just the level of acting in it is is in those movies is incredible so um you know i got a slow week as everybody does hopefully um unless you're working for one of these fucking heartless box stores um you got a slow week this week uh check out the Cr channel and uh watch one of those movies i'm gonna watch a couple more this week i think i'm gonna watch uh hudsocker proxy which i never saw and then i think they had one called a simple man or something i never saw that one and just sort of fill in the gaps of a few true grit i never saw and No country for old men is the reason why I ended up getting my old 68 f100 because I was trying to figure out the classic car I wanted to get and I just felt like baby boomers had sort of worn out all of those muscle cars they all had them you know so and I was always a truck guy and then I saw that that opening scene where all those guys were dead in the, and there was all these late seventies to like 1980 Ford trucks.
And I was like, you know, an old fucking Ford truck, the short bed, that could be all right. That's how I ended up with my truck because all the Coen brothers.
Um, all right. Uh, what do we got here me go back.
Let me go back. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na.
Let me go back to the questions here. To name or not name, female listener here.
I did that one. Billy Blitnikloff.
All right, the last one here. Jimmy Chamberlain drums.
Dear Billy Sn. Uh, I'm curious what you think about Jimmy Chamberlain, the drummer from smashing pumpkins.
He's one of my favorite drummers from the nineties. Everybody I know who knows anything about music says this guy's one of the great drummers of his generation.
I, unfortunately, when the smashing pumpkins came out,, I'm really behind on all the grunge shit. All I can say is that I feel like as much as I resented that music because it knocked all my hair metal bands off the fucking top 10, man, on MTV.
I had started comedy and stuff and I didn't listen to it. But when I go back and listen to it it like holds up you know I got into Alice in Chains and Soundgarden I loved the two of those bands but like I I there was so many new bands coming out and then Green Day I got into them and um you know I was just I was lost in my career um, I've watched clips of him on the internet and stuff like that and looked at some of his drum parts and stuff.
I think, you know, from what I've seen, I agree with everybody that he's fucking amazing, but I'm not going to sit here and act like I am familiar with the Smashing Pumpkins catalog. Um, you know, I don't know.
I was like 26, 27 when that shit came out and I was sliding into 30 and I was a fucking loser, man. So I had to like, I had to get shit going.
I didn't have time to go to concerts. Anyway, he's one of my favorite drummers and he plays in a rock band.
He has a lot of jazz influence. For example, he often keeps time with the hi-hat.
It's a unique feature for a rock drummer. John Bonham.
Thanks, and go double floor tom like Bonham yourself. All right, I don't want to start some shit here.
But, all right, how talk around this sorry i had a little drink of water there now there's a certain drummer when i was growing up that everybody told me was a fucking great drummer and i would listen to him he was you know he was a great drummer but the level of the where they put this guy i was just like i just don't fucking hear it, man. I'm not fucking hearing this.
Ah, fuck it, I'll say it. Ginger Baker.
And everybody's like, oh, man, this guy, you know, fucking Bonham was nowhere near. Like, Bonham was nowhere near this guy? I don't know what the fuck you're talking about.
I don't think Ginger Baker is anywhere near John Bonham. And at one time, late in his life, I watched him play a solo and I was like, oh, wow.
All right. I get that.
All that polyrhythm stuff and all that. Okay.
Maybe it's my fucking ears. I'm just a fucking comedian, right? What do I know about drumming? These musicians are saying, you know, this guy's that great.

And I stumbled upon this thing where Ginger Baker had a drum battle with Elvin Jones.

Okay?

And that was Ginger Baker's thing.

I think he was like, I'm really a jazz drummer, right?

And he was talking all of this stuff about how fucking great he was and all of this shit, that's what i didn't like about him he's always fucking running his yap about that shit you know it's like dude if you're fucking great people are gonna say it like why why are you what are you what are you doing right so anyways he has this drum battle with elvin jones and elvin jones from what i can tell and what i've read, eventually basically agreed to have this drum battle with him. Not because Ginger Baker was anywhere near the level of drummer that Elvin was.
It was because rock stars had the fame that jazz musicians used to have. So he agrees to have this thing so he can get some of Ginger Baker's cream, blind faith, fame, that spotlight shined on him.
And then Ginger Baker wants to have that battle with him so he can get the fucking credibility that I had a drum battle with Elvin Jones. You know? And also, from what I've read, I feel like he felt like he was in Elvin's league.
So anyway, I came across this quote where Elvin Jones was was talking about ginger baker the first thing he did he was he talked about keith moon and his quote about keith moon he said that man is a drummer and after having a drum battle with uh ginger baker he just laughed and said something like he needs to get in touch with nasa and they need to ship his ass to outer space. Because he was fucking delusional.
Whatever. I can have a strong opinion about a fucking dead drummer from 60 years ago.
Yeah, that guy. And I see that.
I'm telling you, man. I've seen that in my business.
People who fucking suck going around saying they're one of the best at whatever they fucking do. And everybody else keeps their mouth shut because, hey, you don't want to weigh in on that.
And then the press just picks it up and then they think it's fucking true. It's a strange thing.
But I saw when I saw that quote, I was so fucking happy. Because for my whole life, I was just going, dude, is it me? Like, in the white room, and he just goes down the toms.

I'm like, this is a guy?

Dude, he plays the beat backwards.

Yeah, and it doesn't sound good.

He's playing like this tribal thing.

I get it.

I get it.

All right.

Yeah.

I mean, that's one way to do it. I'm not like going like, whoa,

what the fuck? All of those James Brown drummers were fucking better than he was. I don't know what

the fuck. I don't know.
I don't know what it was. I don't know.
That's just my fuck. All right.

Started a debate. Somebody, somebody convinced me because, uh, I got Elvin

Jones agreeing with me. Oh, look, I usually, I never do that shit.
And now I don't know,

I'm getting older. I don't look at it.
I'm, I'm fucking shitting on the NFL. I'm fucking,

I'm old Billy Hot takes this week. Uh, all right.
I'm not saying he's a bad fucking drummer. I'm

just talking like if he was half as good as he said he was, I wouldn't be scratching my head because I would rather, I mean, John Bonham is just infinitely a better drummer than, than Ginger Baker. And I'll tell you why you can fucking take away all the fucking music, just play what John Bonham played and someone who doesn't even play an instrument knows what song it is.
By the fucking drums. I don't think you can do that with like Ginger Baker.
I just don't. My own opinion.
Oh, there's gonna be some baby boomers coming after me. Dude, I saw Cream in fucking 1960s fucking ate at the tea party in Boston.
Girlfriend is a nymphomaniac. Hey, Billy, greetings from your motherland, Ireland.
I got a lot of mothers over there. I am a fucking mutt.
I have a strange problem. I was hoping you could get your insight on.
I can already tell. I can already tell you what to do.
You know, don't fall in love with her. You're not going to fix her.
This is something she needs to work on or figure out, and this is above my pay grade. But enjoy yourself.
All right there, Freckles? All right. I recently met the perfect woman for me.
Smart, beautiful, and all that good stuff. I never jumped into a relationship so big.
So, so never jumped into a relationship. So this is a big step for me and nearly everything is going well.
The only issue she wants to have sex, all capitals, all the time. Oh, I got the hiccups.
Oh, Billy Road Gas had too many breakfast burritos out there. in all sorts of places, etc.
I told my guy friends, why would you do that? One of your guy friends is going to be a dirtbag and try to catch her at the post office. Anyway, I told my guy friends, but obviously they just laugh and make jokes.
They even shared it with the bartender and regulars down at our local pubs so everyone could crack more jokes. Why did you do that? Typical Irish banter, but not the stuff you want the public to hear about your girl.
Well, what the fuck did you open your yap for? Oh my God. What if you marry this woman? She's the mother of your kids and you fucking tell everybody how much she loves jumping on your cock uh you would think this would be the perfect scenario for any no i wouldn't no i wouldn't no i wouldn't that's what you think when you're in like your 20s when you want to fuck all the time but as you get older you know it's just like you know it's like anything you like ice cream you want some more ice cream here's some more ice cream you want some more i got a fucking headache.
You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any man, but it's getting out of control. She wanted to fuck on the pier harbor the other night.
So we did it, and during the act, a huge freezing cold Atlantic wave smashed over us. Did she have an orgasm? When we were doing it against the wall, and destroyed our phones and almost swept us into the water.
I haven't stopped sneezing since. Well, you were in your birthday suit there, buddy.
I would have killed to hear your fucking Irish accent then. JJ, you fucking cunt.
Then she wanted to bang on her indoor exercise bike because she thought the angle might be good, but it looks so stupid. I had to turn off the light.
She even wanted to do it during a trip to the zoo. So we went away off the public footpath to the an outdoor shack.
So little Larry Limlick and his fucking nice cold fucking cock from the Atlantic Ocean. He goes down to the pub.
I'm in a family business where I deal with the public in a small rural coastal Catholic village. So if we were ever to get caught, the consequences could be detrimental to our business.
But I'm also worried she'll get bored if I don't keep delivering.

I don't feel comfortable introducing toys, but my dick is getting too sore.

So I'm considering it.

Even my work and side hustles have regressed.

So all this sex is affecting my finances.

What would be your or Nia's advice or even your listeners in dealing with the problematic

hypersexuality? I mean, you got to talk to her about it. You know, just say, look at my dick.
It looks like it has a cold. Look how fucking red it is.
Old Jimmy O'Toole's about ready to fall off me fucking ball bag yeah you got to sit down and talk to her and I don't know it's kind of hard because you did it just say like listen I love you you're fucking great and everything And I've been trying to keep up with you sexually, but you wore me out.

I'm out of jizz.

All right.

I go places mentally.

I never went during sex.

I'm just fucking.

You somehow turned fucking into a dead end cubicle job.

Like, I don't know what to tell you. All right, these are all jokes.
You just have to sit down. I would ask the advice of a professional.
Try not to tell her her name because even that pro might try to go out and bang her. And this is the thing.
Where it stands right now is this isn't working for you and it's not going to work for you in the long run. And I would think eventually, you know, she's going to bang someone else or, you know, you're going to have to walk around your house and rub her gloves because you don't know if she fucking used a vibrator on the toaster or whatever.
So I would, yeah, I would talk to a professional, find out more about why this would be and then what's the right way to approach it and then see what she says. Uh, or, or I, I, yeah, I mean, I, I don't know.
I don't, I don't know what to do about.

Like, it's always hard when, no pun intended, when, like, you fucking, when the woman has the problem.

You know?

Because they're not like men where you can just be like, yeah, listen, you're doing this and it's, you know, what the fuck's going on with you?

You can't, you can't fucking do that with them. They're always like, what? You think fucking on top of the wall, should we see it was bad? I thought you were enjoying it.
Right? And then they do all that shit. I don't know.
I'll be honest with you. As a 56 year old i don't envy any of this situation this actually sounds literally like a fucking nightmare um so this is above my pay grade i would go talk to a professional and then secondly the advice that i would give you is don't be afraid to get out of this.
That goes for everybody listening to this. If you're not happy in a fucking situation, you sit down and you talk to them and they fucking try to turn around on you.
That's you going, all right, I get it. I get it.
Yeah. This isn't going to work out.
And then fuck them and then walk away and then walk away. All right.
There's plenty of beautiful, super smart women who don't want to fuck in front of a bunch of monkeys at a zoo. All right, there you go.
Well, that's the podcast, everybody. Enjoy your...
Oh, it's the holiday season. Doobie doobie doo.
It's fucking Thanksgiving. Listen, here's one for you.
It's Thanksgiving. Don't talk about politics or religion.
Don't do it. Because people are...
You want to talk about hyper-sexualized or whatever? What about hyper-politicized? Like the nymphomaniacs are fucking talking about politics. You know? Hey, can you pass the gravy? Well, we won't be able to do that after January 20th.
You know? And then there's a big fucking argument. Just don't do that, you know? I would just sit there and, you know, if somebody tries to bring it up to you what you do is you do the classic um i call it the the the white person neutral face you purse your lips and you put your eyebrows up and then you look elsewhere or you sort of nod like okay you said that if that's you know if that's that's what you're thinking, just have that be your own goal.

You know what I mean?

I am not going to get involved in your fucking Joe Biden, Kamala, Donald Trump fucking bullshit.

All right?

Unless you're going to sit at the fucking goddamn thanksgiving table and talk about

killing heads of corporation and bankers i don't want to talk to you all right that's

the podcast everybody enjoy your week happy thanksgiving and i'll talk to you later go

fuck yourselves