Monday Morning Podcast 11-25-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 25th, 2024. What's going on? Oh,

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 How's it going, man?

Speaker 1 Sitting out in the driveway in my car because my friggin' house is noisy today. Got kids over.
Kids are playing. That's my toy.

Speaker 1 He hurt me. He hurt me.

Speaker 1 All this shit, right?

Speaker 1 Can't do a podcast with with all of that going on. You don't want to listen to me trying to talk to you guys in every five seconds, having to be,

Speaker 1 knock it up.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I just realized because

Speaker 1 this podcast is for November 25th,

Speaker 1 but I'm recording it November 24th. And believe it or not, believe it or not, I haven't fucking drank in six years.

Speaker 1 Six miserable fucking years.

Speaker 1 I'll just fucking not drink.

Speaker 1 And you know, what's cool is I so even don't even fucking think about it. I didn't even know that this was six years until I was trying to figure out what's the date of this podcast.

Speaker 1 And I was like, November 24th. Oh, shit.

Speaker 1 Well, what do you know?

Speaker 1 November 24th, 2018. Oh, Billy Rednose

Speaker 1 was throwing him back, watching Michigan versus Ohio State. Oh,

Speaker 1 Nilly.

Speaker 1 Michigan lost again, if I believe, if I remember correctly. And I was drinking Kentucky Owl.

Speaker 1 Fucking delicious. And I got to tell you, man, if you're gonna, if that's gonna be your last drink,

Speaker 1 that's the way to do it.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 well, let's be honest. I cut out drinking, and then my cigar smoking went off the fucking rails.

Speaker 1 Then I tried to cut back on that. And then during the pandemic, my big move was I wanted, I don't know, I had a craving for a chocolate malt.

Speaker 1 And I grew up on the East Coast and they had fraps and everything. But when I visited, you know, relatives in the Midwest,

Speaker 1 I went to Bob's Big Boy and they had malt, malted milk. And my older brother told me about it.
He goes, dude, you got to have this shit. This tastes better than the shit we're drinking back east.

Speaker 1 And I guess the frap was from New Jersey. I did this whole fucking research on it.
I mean, I was bored. What was I going to do?

Speaker 1 Face myself and my demons during the pandemic? No. So I went to fucking making these malted shakes,

Speaker 1 you know, eating fucking weed gummies and eating ice cream sandwiches. And old Billy went up to fucking a buck 95,

Speaker 1 you know, looking like a retired fullback.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 but I wasn't smoking as many cigars. I always, it's always something, right? So now I've laid off the cigars.

Speaker 1 I got my weight under control, although I put a few pounds on this last fucking O'Billy road weight. It's gonna happen.
What am I supposed to do? I'm out there on the road. I miss my wife and kids.

Speaker 1 What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 I used to just go out and drink until I fucking passed out.

Speaker 1 That's not good. That doesn't look good on a FaceTime the next morning with your kids, you know, waking up looking like fucking Nick Nulty and down and out in Beverly Hills.
I didn't want to do that.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, here I sit. I've had one fucking cigar.

Speaker 1 I had one last week, my first one since the end of July.

Speaker 1 And I was like, ah, God, why did I do that? I'm going to start back up again. And I haven't.
I haven't. I was definitely for three days going like, oh, let's have another.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 1 Billy wants another. And I just didn't do it.
I was like, you know what? I'm not going to have another one until I know I'm not craving one and I can make a fucking rational decision.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I think I might have one on Thanksgiving, but we're going to have a bunch of people over, and a cigar is just fucking obnoxious. It's kind of what I like about it.
I'm antisocial.

Speaker 1 It just really makes people's nose wrinkle up and they walk away, you know.

Speaker 1 Unless it's a woman and their dad didn't stick around and he always smoked cigars when he was driving away from one of her events that he should have been to.

Speaker 1 And then it produces a different response.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, um, I've always loved those people who just go, you know,

Speaker 1 they just blow past addiction and they just go, everything in moderation. My mom always said that.
Everything

Speaker 1 in moderation, and that's just because, you know, she had the ability

Speaker 1 to do it.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I do, but I just don't do it. I just gotta, I gotta, like, yeah, I don't know what the fuck my deal is.
So, anyway, I'm talking in circles. Um,

Speaker 1 Judas Priest, turn in circles. Uh, anyway, the fuck am I talking about here? So, yes, it's November 25th.
I am done

Speaker 1 with my amazing tour through the Central Valley of California.

Speaker 1 Started in Ojai. That's not the Central Valley.
Well, that's where we fucking started.

Speaker 1 And I went to Bakersfield.

Speaker 1 Next gig was Fresno, then Modesto, then Stockton,

Speaker 1 then Vesalia.

Speaker 1 Right? Vesalia.

Speaker 1 And it's one of my favorite tours I ever did. And I just played all of these amazing old theaters.
The Fox Theaters, the Warner Theaters, and the Bob Hope.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. I just, and I went to all of these mom-and-pop, like, coffee places, breakfast places, getting something to eat.
I walked around all the towns. I finally got to go to Stockton,

Speaker 1 home of

Speaker 1 Nick and Nate Diaz

Speaker 1 and Chris Isaac. I mean, how's that for running the whole gamut?

Speaker 1 And guess what? I thought it was a fucking great town. A lot of nice neighborhoods, a lot of cool houses, a lot of fucking cool people.

Speaker 1 Got a great cup of coffee. Went to this place.
Where the fuck did I go? The well or something like that?

Speaker 1 Get breakfast, a great hang.

Speaker 1 Modesto's, what was that one? That was Good Day Lucille's, is where I went and got a great breakfast. I got the fucking...

Speaker 1 That's why I put on weight. I got the biscuit with the egg and the

Speaker 1 I forget what was on top of it, like sausage or something. It was fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 And their coffee, that might have been the best coffee I had, was Lucille's and Modesto it was fucking amazing and then the last night I went to Vesalia

Speaker 1 we got there early and there's a famous hot dog stand I put it in my stories I forget the name of it I mean I was fucking barnstorming there so we went there and

Speaker 1 I got a

Speaker 1 chili dog no melon camp sucking old chili dog

Speaker 1 I love how long that lyric was out there before anybody

Speaker 1 went like, what is he talking about? Is he talking about what I think I'm talking about? I don't know.

Speaker 1 And I've never gotten chili on a hot dog before because the only time I've ever added chili to anything, I usually add shit to chili, but putting chili, the only time I had chili cheese fries once in my life at Carney's, that little train car,

Speaker 1 this guy, Todd Parker.

Speaker 1 who not only did I work with in Boston and in LA and Atlanta and Canada, we've done a bunch of gigs together. He actually judged,

Speaker 1 you know, the first time I did stand-up, it was a contest, and he was one of the judges, right?

Speaker 1 And so I've known him forever, known him for fucking 33 years, right?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he goes, You've ever had chili cheese fries? I said, No, he goes, Oh, dude, you know, because this was not a thing back in Boston.

Speaker 1 So we went to Carney's and I ate it, and that was the last time I had a six-pack

Speaker 1 flat stomach. The next day, my stomach was just sticking out a little bit.

Speaker 1 Never went back down. So, I always blame the chili cheese fries, other than the fact that I didn't know anything about nutrition, and I was getting older, and my metabolism was slowing down.

Speaker 1 So, that's the first time I've ever had chili on a hot dog, and it was fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then I we stayed at the

Speaker 1 Darling Hotel, which was this killer out Art Deco

Speaker 1 hotel that looked like it was out of a Cohen brother movie. Had an amazing outdoor area up top on the roof.

Speaker 1 Didn't get a chance to go up there, but I just kind of walked around the downtown area, went to the record shop, got a great burger at a sports bar, and then we came and we did, we loaded up, we did the gig,

Speaker 1 which was fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 The crowd, I can't even tell you, like, these places, anybody out there that plays in a band or does whatever, like, you know,

Speaker 1 it's weird. Like, when you're coming up, you're playing all of these shitholes in these fucking one-horse towns, right?

Speaker 1 So you have these bad experiences. So you start thinking negatively about these places.
And it's just like, well, they didn't know who you were, and you also weren't good at what you did yet.

Speaker 1 So, you know, you can come back

Speaker 1 and have a good experience, right? Because I talked to a bunch of comedians. I was like, all excited.
Oh, I'm going up to 99. I've never gone past fucking Bakersfield.

Speaker 1 You're familiar with it. And all these West Coast comics, they get this look on this face, like, oh, yeah, yeah, I've been up that unfortunately, and all of this shit.

Speaker 1 And I kind of knew what they were saying because we drove back from Besalia.

Speaker 1 I don't know what the fuck chemicals we were driving through, what the fuck they were burning at night, but it was the worst smell I've ever smelled since I was up in Greeley, Colorado, where they have this fucking gigantic slaughterhouse, and they literally had like bad smell days.

Speaker 1 And you could call up the slaughterhouse and tell them, hey, you know, fucking take it easy down there. All right.
Tell Wendy's they can only sell doubles, not triples today.

Speaker 1 So anyway,

Speaker 1 I had nothing but great experiences in all of those towns. I did at one point get chased by a sweaty guy that was a little methyl.
I'm not going to lie to you.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to tell the town because all these towns get like negative shit. So I'm not going to say what town I was in.

Speaker 1 All right. But we were walking back from getting coffee, and this guy came out of the house, and he just looked like, you know, he was going through it.
We'll put it that way.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he looked at me and he goes, hey,

Speaker 1 like he recognized me, I guess. And I said, hey, what's up, brother? How you doing? And he's like, I'm all right.

Speaker 1 And then I was like, oh, boy.

Speaker 1 So then.

Speaker 1 We walked for like 10 more minutes because it was like, this place was like a mile away from the hotel, you know, get our steps in.

Speaker 1 And we walked for like 10 minutes, and we're shooting the shit, and we're talking, and all of that. Me and Dean, he's got his French bulldog Gertie with us, right? We're just having a good time.

Speaker 1 The leaves are changing colors and shit. It's looking cool.

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, after 10 minutes, 10 minutes later, saying a little this methyl looking dude, I just hear from way down the block. I hear this, hey!

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, right?

Speaker 1 I turn around.

Speaker 1 And he's doing that.

Speaker 1 He's like, fucking way, way to hell down there. Like he's in the Michael Jackson thriller video.
So I just go, oh, fuck. So I just turn around.
I'm like, hey, buddy. And then I turn back and we walk.

Speaker 1 I go, Dean, do me a favor, turn around and act like you're talking to me. Before I even did that, he turned over the wrong shoulder and looked back at the guy.

Speaker 1 I was like, he's supposed to be more subtle than that. I go, he's running, isn't he? And he goes, yeah.
And I go, oh, fuck. I go, we're going to make it because we were close to the hotel.

Speaker 1 And he goes, just wait till we turn the corner, right? So my fucking heart's racing because I can hear the guy coming. Oh, about, about, he's gone.

Speaker 1 And we turned the corner and Dean was just like, all right, go, go, go, go, go.

Speaker 1 We fucking ran into the hotel, into the lobby. The lady like checking is looking at us, like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 the elevator doors just happened to be open. And we went in and they closed the door.
And I was laughing and I was going, dude, I'm not going to feel safe until I'm in my fucking hotel room.

Speaker 1 Because those fucking junkies, they got like this fucking sixth sense about them. He'll pick the right floor or something, or he'll come in and freak out.
What floor did I go to?

Speaker 1 And she'll be scared and just tell him.

Speaker 1 So that went on.

Speaker 1 And then in another town, I was looking out my hotel window and I thought it was a man-made lake.

Speaker 1 And I'm looking at him half asleep in the morning. I wake up and I look out and I see like this fucking thing surface, like the Loch Ness Monster.
I was like, what the fuck was that?

Speaker 1 And it went underneath.

Speaker 1 It came back up again. And I was on the phone, FaceTime and with Nig.
I'm going, what the fuck is that?

Speaker 1 I'm going, Niger, I think there's, is that a fucking seal?

Speaker 1 This is like a little man-made lake here. Like, what the fuck is there a seal? And how come there's people walking along the lake and they're not looking at it like it's weird? This is fresh water.

Speaker 1 How is there a seal in there? Then I was like, is that a dog?

Speaker 1 And then at one point, it started looking like a person.

Speaker 1 You know, the sun was in my eyes. I didn't have on my glasses.

Speaker 1 And I finally went out there and it was a seal.

Speaker 1 And I was like, freaking the fuck out. Like, you know, we're like way inland.
How the fuck is there a seal here? I still don't understand it.

Speaker 1 But then I looked down, finally looked down the other way and I realized it wasn't closed off. It was more like a channel.
And I saw this splash and I saw more seals down there. I was like, this is...

Speaker 1 This is really fucking weird.

Speaker 1 It was weird to me anyway. I still don't understand how they got that far upriver.

Speaker 1 And then I'm thinking, like, well, who eats seals? Killer whales and sharks. So, like, what else is in this water?

Speaker 1 And, you know,

Speaker 1 that's like my biggest fear. You know, any sort of water with shit in there that has predators in it, it's bad.

Speaker 1 It's the whole not being able to see them,

Speaker 1 not being in your environment.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it's like if a fucking lion was running at you or a bear, you know it's going to get you. But at least you can run.

Speaker 1 At least you can move on that surface. What the fuck are you gonna do in water?

Speaker 1 Like, there's nothing in the ocean that is slower than a person.

Speaker 1 You are getting caught by everything.

Speaker 1 And then just not knowing. At least you know where the lion is.

Speaker 1 You're like, all right, this is it.

Speaker 1 You know, fuck. You got something.

Speaker 1 You're in the water. You're like, did it go away? Is it coming back? Was it a dolphin?

Speaker 1 And there's no answers.

Speaker 1 And all your brain is doing is giving you the worst possible fucking scenarios.

Speaker 1 Unless you're that chick on Instagram who just you just fucking relax and swim right at him.

Speaker 1 It's unbelievable. I've maintained this for the longest time.
My people, whiteies,

Speaker 1 we we talk to wild animals like they're dogs.

Speaker 1 We'll talk to a reptile. Oh, come on now.

Speaker 1 Knock that off.

Speaker 1 Some alligator like hissing.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's grumpy today.

Speaker 1 He's grumpy today. Like, what? He just found out he's working a double.
It's a fucking reptile, you dumb fuck.

Speaker 1 Walking. Did you see that fucking old guy who tried to throw his shirt over the thing's eyes?

Speaker 1 And this thing was like a middleweight alligator, so it outweighed this old fuck, right? And he gets on it, and the thing flips him off, and at one point grabbed his arm and started doing the shake.

Speaker 1 Didn't pull his arm off because it let go.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Fucking idiots.

Speaker 1 It really is amazing that human beings survived, considering,

Speaker 1 you know, know, I guess because we're smarter than all the animals, I guess that's how it works. I don't think we're smarter than dolphins or killer whales, but like,

Speaker 1 you know, location, location, location, you know, they're in the fucking water, so

Speaker 1 that's it for that. But I guess that shows you why nerds run the world, you know?

Speaker 1 All of those years of getting stuffed in the lockers and everything, man, we're fucking paying for it now. I gotta get some air in this fucking car.

Speaker 1 I guess we're paying for it now, huh?

Speaker 1 It's funny, in the 80s, they made those movies, Revenge of the Nerds. I think it's happening now with all these fucking nerds.
They're creating monopolies, and they just call it consolidation.

Speaker 1 And then it's like they get investigated or tried to be shut down by the government, and now it's legal to bribe politicians.

Speaker 1 I mean, it's always been something they did, but now you don't even have to fucking hide it.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that's what I'm waiting for. I'm sick of listening to politicians blaming minorities and immigrants, illegal immigrants.
It's like, what about nerds? How about that? The number one threat

Speaker 1 to the middle class is nerds and their insatiable fucking greed.

Speaker 1 Oh, and speaking of which,

Speaker 1 I actually had time today

Speaker 1 because we drove home last night.

Speaker 1 Club Soda, Kenny, Dean, Gertie, and myself right after the gig, it was great, dude. Other than the fucking bad smell south of Asalia before we got to fucking

Speaker 1 Bakersfield,

Speaker 1 we fucking

Speaker 1 close the door. He has people yelling up the street.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we drove home and there was like no traffic. We just fucking cruised.
Before I knew it, we were

Speaker 1 going through the grapevine.

Speaker 1 Which is I don't know if those are the San Gabriel mountains, whatever. It's part of that mountain chain, and the five runs through it.
And it's one of the scariest

Speaker 1 sections of highway. It's 50 miles.
And there's just something crazy about it where there's all of these 18-wheelers. There's all of these places for them to pull off if they lose their brakes.

Speaker 1 There's people in RVs. There's people on motorcycles.
And then there's people in like those fucking fast and furious cars. And it's just like...

Speaker 1 You ever see those races, like the 24-hour Le Mans, where there's like five different classes of cars all out there

Speaker 1 it's like there's like f1 cars and like fucking dots and station wagons you ever see those races they're all on the fucking track it's really weird um that's what it feels like and we got right through that and everything so anyway I was able to wake up this morning and

Speaker 1 watch a little bit of the football and everything and

Speaker 1 I gotta be honest I really just found something today like you know

Speaker 1 You know how they always say, you know, the game can pass by a coach, it can pass by an athlete. Like, it can also pass by you as a fan.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying all fans, but like me, I just really feel like I'm

Speaker 1 it's passed me by and I'm kind of all right with it.

Speaker 1 I still love to watch sports. I like college more because college reminds me of what I grew up with, you know, which is like college sports is almost like my classic rock station.

Speaker 1 Like, if I just want comfort food and I can listen to the music that I heard when I was growing up, working in warehouses and shit.

Speaker 1 I was watching,

Speaker 1 you know, just looking at the scores. I had the Chiefs game on, and I'm looking at the fucking Vikings Bears.
I'm like, that game's over. I'm looking at the fucking Chiefs

Speaker 1 Panthers game. I'm like, this fucking game's over.

Speaker 1 And they weren't. Neither game was over.
Both teams came back. And it just fucking happens every week.
Every week, somebody comes back from down like 17 fucking points.

Speaker 1 Like the changes that they've made to the game, it just happens all the fucking time.

Speaker 1 Happens all the fucking time. And I'm sitting there going, like, you know, so now they're going to overtime.
The Panthers tie it up against the Chiefs.

Speaker 1 And they go, Patrick Mahomes has had 26, 26 fourth-quarter comebacks in his career. That guy's like 28, 29 years old.
So I look it up. Joe Montana, the greatest I ever saw.
All right?

Speaker 1 The greatest I ever saw. No disrespect to Tom Brady.

Speaker 1 Just the way you could beat the fuck out of a quarterback back then.

Speaker 1 I would say, like, you know, that guy, and I looked it up, that guy has

Speaker 1 32

Speaker 1 come from behind victories. 32 in his fucking career, and he played to like his late 30s.
This kid is like,

Speaker 1 and he did it again. He got like number 27.
He's like five behind Joe Montana. He's not even 30 yet.
Like, this kid could have like 50, 55 come from behind.

Speaker 1 And I was just thinking about it, right? And I'm watching the game. And at one point, Patrick Mahomes starts running the ball.

Speaker 1 And he was going to get 10 or 12 yards, but the DBs thought he was going to slide or go out of bounds. And then he just keeps running.

Speaker 1 They should make a rule that if the corner's there and he could stick you and he doesn't, you should have the decency to slide or go out of bounds. But he didn't.
He kept running.

Speaker 1 And he got like 33 yards like he was fucking Emmett Smith or something.

Speaker 1 And of course they're all, hey, Patrick Mahomes, Patrick, fuck him, Patrick Mahomes, right?

Speaker 1 They've been screaming his name since he first came into the league, talking about how special he was going to be. It's like the dude, the guy played at fucking

Speaker 1 Texas Tech.

Speaker 1 And I'm telling you, I'm just looking at it going like, just watching all of this shit, I just feel like

Speaker 1 the amount of changes they made in the game.

Speaker 1 Where

Speaker 1 you'll say like analytics

Speaker 1 like rather than coaching from your gut now, there's these situations that the numbers people figured out, this is what you want to do. This is the best odds for success.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they did that with coaching.

Speaker 1 Okay. Vegas has been doing it forever with using, you know, these mathematicians and whatever the fuck they do to come up with the betting lines.
So they did it with that.

Speaker 1 And then I, so why wouldn't the marketing team in the NFL

Speaker 1 be able to have a computer and figure out different scenarios, play them through, and be like, okay, what sells this game? Offense. How do we get more offense in this fucking game?

Speaker 1 What kills us when games are blowouts at halftime and people switch it off and watch another game?

Speaker 1 What rules can we make to ensure that the most amount of games, you know, come down to the final fucking player going to overtime so everybody watches watches the games, the ratings stay high, and we can charge more for advertising, right?

Speaker 1 I feel like they did that, and the game is just completely changed. Like,

Speaker 1 I don't know, like the Dolphins Patriots. It's just like they were fucking kicking the shit out of us.
They take Tua out in the fourth quarter. I know he's got a bunch of concussions and all of that.

Speaker 1 And then they just all of a sudden, we're like back in the game.

Speaker 1 And it's like, well, how come they can't play fucking defense anymore? Like, I don't know. The whole thing is fucking weird.
And it's just not the game that I recognize.

Speaker 1 I put on the NBA, everybody's shooting threes. Nobody's in the paint.
People are dunking on nobody.

Speaker 1 They took away the red line in hockey. The game is just up and down and up and down and up and down.

Speaker 1 I don't recognize. You hit a home run right now.
They do everything but take their dick out and jerk off as they watch it go over the wall. Gambling is legal.
You can gamble at

Speaker 1 fucking the goddamn stadium. Weed is legal.
You can bribe a politician now. It's a gratuity.
You don't have to pedal a fucking bike. Like,

Speaker 1 there's nothing in this world that I porn is free. I don't recognize anything anymore.
I'm not saying any of this is good or bad.

Speaker 1 It's just not the world I fucking grew up in, and I don't relate to it anymore. So it's like you're telling me, like,

Speaker 1 you know, like, this is a donut.

Speaker 1 It looks like a donut, but it doesn't taste like the donut. Does that make sense? It probably doesn't.
That's a bad analogy. I don't know what it is, but like

Speaker 1 I am.

Speaker 1 I think I'm, I've, after all of these years of being a rabid fan, I think I'm just a casual fan at this point. I just feel like it's all

Speaker 1 that same corporate disease that's in entertainment. It's also in sports.
We have to grow. We got to keep growing.
We got to make more money. We got to make more money.

Speaker 1 We got to get in every major city in America. We got to go national.
We got to go international.

Speaker 1 We got to be like soccer in in the UFC. We got to go more and more and more.
What the fuck? And it's just like insatiable. And at some point,

Speaker 1 the product gets hurt. I see it in stand-up comedy now.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Like, you see, when I was coming up, it was like, there was always, look, there was always people trying to like write an act to get a sitcom or to get on the tonight show. Like, they had an angle.

Speaker 1 But, like, most people were trying to get good at being comedians. And I feel like my generation would be doing what this generation was doing if what they have available to them

Speaker 1 you know they would do but now like analytics has even gotten into like stand-up comedy and it's just like okay crowd work okay get some more numbers I got to sell tickets get get a special chop up the special post the clips

Speaker 1 do this do that or whatever and it stops being about like

Speaker 1 you know

Speaker 1 becoming a good comedian, you know, and I'm not shitting on younger comics either. I'm just saying

Speaker 1 because my work now is affected by that. People are telling me, oh, you know, you got to do this on Instagram.
You got to post. That's why I'm posting those fucking stories on the thing.

Speaker 1 People, you got to do this. All right, I guess I got to fucking do this.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I think, I don't know what I'm saying here. I just think I'm kind of going to fucking tap out.

Speaker 1 Because

Speaker 1 you ain't only as an old person can you relate to this where you see shit that is like that's that's the shit I was watching, but it's different. You know, like

Speaker 1 what was that movie? Where everybody, you know, the horror movie. You come back and everybody's replaced with like, there's something wrong.
It looks like your mom, but it's not your mom.

Speaker 1 Jordan Peele, us, was that what it was?

Speaker 1 I feel like everything in my life right now

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 like that. So I think it's just like, all right, well,

Speaker 1 it's time for me to step back.

Speaker 1 I actually had this idea

Speaker 1 for an app.

Speaker 1 This is for people in my situation. And it would be basically, I feel like this is going to happen in the future.
What year do you want to live in?

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And you don't have to like totally commit to it for a year. It could just be a day, like you get to the side, right?

Speaker 1 And it would just be like you just say what year you want to live in.

Speaker 1 And then, you know, those things that advertise on

Speaker 1 podcasts, they used to always make fun of them where they would just send a box of clothes. Like, okay, 1978.
So they send you 1978, and then everything becomes 1978.

Speaker 1 The TV shows, the commercials, the music, your car, everything just becomes. How would you do that with an app? I don't know.
Some fucking nerd would figure it out.

Speaker 1 You know, through consolidation or whatever the fuck they do. and you could just like live there.

Speaker 1 Like, I feel like if I could live

Speaker 1 in any time,

Speaker 1 well, that's that's a good thing, okay? If you could live in any time, like, what

Speaker 1 oh, my neighbors thinks I'm fucking crazy, he's fixing his fence, and I'm fucking sitting here talking to myself, my bare feet, my pajama bottom, sitting in my car. Um,

Speaker 1 that's good, that'll make him feel better about himself,

Speaker 1 you know, people. Anything I can do, Anything I can do to help out.

Speaker 1 That's a question. If you could pick, I think just picking one year is a little difficult.
Like, I would pick 86.

Speaker 1 I'd pick 86 to 91, those five years.

Speaker 1 And it would be before I became a stand-up comedian.

Speaker 1 And it would be like

Speaker 1 I'm ending high school. I'm going into college.

Speaker 1 Just the music. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Then I wouldn't be a parent.

Speaker 1 That's a fucking hard one.

Speaker 1 All right, this was a dumb idea. Let me do

Speaker 1 the.

Speaker 1 That right there was the Al Capone's vault

Speaker 1 of fucking sales pitches. I really apologize for that.

Speaker 1 Oh, here's something, but I didn't bring up. That was my last date.
I don't have any more stand-up dates

Speaker 1 anywhere in the near future. I'm getting ready to go back to New York.

Speaker 1 Rehearsal start in February for Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross.

Speaker 1 So I'm pretty much,

Speaker 1 you know, just going to be reading the play, reading the play, reading the play, reading the play as you do,

Speaker 1 and then get myself into that situation. But

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 But now, of course, I got all this great shit that I'm coming up with. So I'll still be hitting probably the local clubs and stuff like that.
But

Speaker 1 anyway, I guess what I'm trying to say is thank to everybody in the Central Valley of California that came out to my shows. Thank you to everybody that fed me,

Speaker 1 poured me great cups of coffee and all that. Me and Dean could not have had a better time.
That was one of my favorite tours I have ever done. It was

Speaker 1 fantastic. So with that, give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Meniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Let's plow ahead.

Speaker 1 Let's do the reads. Why don't I do this? Why don't I turn the fucking car on and put the windows down a little bit, you dumb fuck?

Speaker 1 There we go, so you don't have to keep opening and closing the goddamn. All right.

Speaker 1 To name or not to name. Bill, I've been listening to the podcast since 2011.
I really enjoy hearing about your travels to different towns and cities I'd otherwise never hear of. Well, there you go.

Speaker 1 You got your fill on this one. I'm wondering how you decide to name or not name an establishment you like on the podcast.

Speaker 1 You often would say, I don't want to name it because I don't want it to blow up and ruin it. I always thought that was weird because you're a champion of small businesses.
Oh, this is what I do.

Speaker 1 It's like if the business is struggling,

Speaker 1 or if it's in like a super small town,

Speaker 1 you know, like Megatex BBQ

Speaker 1 in Fresno, it's like Fresno is a place in general people have this negative idea of, and that they're going to skip it. I'll do it that way.

Speaker 1 But I selfishly, places I know in LA,

Speaker 1 you know, I don't want to stand in fucking line.

Speaker 1 So I don't. Anyway,

Speaker 1 he says, I know you have a good reach, but you're not at Oprah level of running a small business integrity. All right, take it easy.
I know where I am in this business.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, it's a fucking holiday week. You got to put me in my place like that?

Speaker 1 Or creating a huge line in East Bumfuck.

Speaker 1 You'd be surprised.

Speaker 1 I brought up Mega Texas BBQ, and they said they had all kinds of people fucking come in there. All right, so, you know, I'm not saying I'm Oprah.

Speaker 1 But, you know, I got a little something going on over here.

Speaker 1 Lately, you've named more of these stops, but as recent as last year, you said you didn't want to name a place you loved.

Speaker 1 How do you decide, or are you just an erratic redhead? Yeah, I'm an erratic redhead. Yeah, I, you know,

Speaker 1 I say things that I'm going to do, and then I don't do them, and then I say things I'm not going to do, and then I do it.

Speaker 1 You know, where I'm from, that's called being human. Clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap, clap commercial.

Speaker 1 Hit show right there.

Speaker 1 I saw recently somebody famous said that they were leaving this country

Speaker 1 because a certain host of a certain reality show with a certain comb over over became president.

Speaker 1 And then they said they were moving to this country that, as far as I know, has like 90% income tax or something fucking insane. And my whole life, I saw like the rock stars

Speaker 1 moving away from there.

Speaker 1 George Harrison,

Speaker 1 yeah, England, right? Are they still doing that?

Speaker 1 I just don't understand why, why, okay, you want to move to another country? Go ahead. But like,

Speaker 1 why don't you just go to Montreal? They speak English and French. Fucking people are cool.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 I don't know. You're north.

Speaker 1 Maybe global warming won't get as hot as quick. Maybe some polar bears will come down and fucking eat your friend, but who knows? I don't know.
I don't know where to move.

Speaker 1 But I don't think I would move someplace where it's like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 fish in newspapers and 90% income tax. I just, I just don't know about that move.
All right, female listener here. Hello.
Oh, one of the ladies wrote in.

Speaker 1 This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, okay.

Speaker 1 So this was so this guy wrote in and he was talking about how he would go on dates.

Speaker 1 You know, he loves his girlfriend and all that. He would go on dates, and then she would, out of nowhere, just accuse him of I-fucking every girl in the room.

Speaker 1 So then this woman wrote back, said, listen,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it could be that you are doing that, but if you aren't doing that, just pay attention to what she ate.

Speaker 1 Because she found out she was, whatever, lactose intolerant, it was affecting her mood, her period cycle, and all of this shit. So,

Speaker 1 in other words, she put some of it on the woman. So, this is the person responding to that.
This is in regards to the lady that wrote in saying she went crazy because of what she ate.

Speaker 1 First, let me say, I was initially happy that a woman wrote in because it was about time.

Speaker 1 Well, what the fuck was stopping you?

Speaker 1 I just don't understand. Women just fucking play the victim.
It's like, there's nothing stopping you from doing this.

Speaker 1 There's nothing stopping you from going to a WNBA game and supporting them and selling the fucking place out so they can make what guys make to play basketball. There's nothing stopping stopping you

Speaker 1 except your own fucking whatever the fuck is going on in your ear, between your ears. Anyway, it quickly turned into disappointment.

Speaker 1 This lady really wrote in to excuse her crazy behavior. Exclamation point.

Speaker 1 Oh boy.

Speaker 1 These ladies, I mean, they just, all they do is fucking argue with each other. Here we go.
The lady wrote in, she said some things, and then like this lady doesn't even know this lady.

Speaker 1 Now she's going to say, now she knows.

Speaker 1 And and exclamation points is she's yelling this stuff you know it just breaks my heart as a man and as a male femist to see you women just going back and forth like this on the podcast

Speaker 1 i'm kidding all right she really she really she's really trying to convince people that she's crazy because she eats food lol then go on to blame it on hormones So which one is it, your hormones or your stomach?

Speaker 1 Hey, I yelled at my boyfriend because I ate bread. Crazy Crazy behavior for sure.
All right, so she's not buying it.

Speaker 1 I thought she was saying that it could be this, it could be that,

Speaker 1 it could be all of that.

Speaker 1 But I like, I actually like what you're saying. You're like, no, you're just fucking crazy.
It has nothing to do with the bread. She goes, anyway, love your podcast, and you're hilarious.

Speaker 1 I saw you at the Magic Castle during COVID, and we all needed that laugh. Oh, yeah, out in the parking lot.
I love those gigs.

Speaker 1 I was in my car cracking up. Okay, bye.
All right. Well, stop fucking playing the victim, ladies.
Write in whenever you want.

Speaker 1 I love hearing from you, dumb horse.

Speaker 1 I don't feel, you know. Listen, you wouldn't know this, but I actually love women individually.

Speaker 1 You know, I like shooting the shit with them or whatever, talking about life, hearing their perspective. It's just when they all get together and start talking, and the voices get louder.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I got tinnitus, so I just, you know, it has nothing to do with you. It has to do with my bad ears.
They just start fucking ringing.

Speaker 1 Underrated California Town.

Speaker 1 Oh, I love this one. Dear Bill Balitnikoff,

Speaker 1 one of my favorite wide receivers of all time, Fred Balitnikoff, number 25 with the ripped jerseys. Rip jersey and the fucking quarterback face mask.

Speaker 1 He said, I figured it was a good time to bring this up. As you are currently on your small-town California tour in places

Speaker 1 people who aren't from here probably haven't heard of.

Speaker 1 Well, having said that, you know, all of them had a couple hundred thousand people as a population, so it wasn't like, you know, a little 20,000-person town.

Speaker 1 A town you should definitely check out and maybe stop by to do a show is Chico, California.

Speaker 1 I have some bias being from here, but having traveled a decent amount and lived in four different states, I have discovered how great a town it is. Well, where is it?

Speaker 1 Some quick Chico bullet points for you.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, do you remember when what's Jesse the body ventura used to call Tito Santana? He goes, I don't know about this Chico Santana.

Speaker 1 Just fucking.

Speaker 1 Anyway, Sierra Nevada brewery started here.

Speaker 1 Nice. In 1980, you got to do that on my fucking sober birthday?

Speaker 1 I'm not sober. I just quit drinking.
I am not sober.

Speaker 1 In 1987, Playboy Magazine rated Chico State as the number one party school, as well as recent best college bar in the country winner, rated by Barstool Sports.

Speaker 1 All right, Aaron Rodgers went to high school here. Look at this shit.
Upper and lower Bidwell Park are gorgeous. Very walkable, bikeable town with great food and a great downtown.

Speaker 1 This kind of looks something I could bring my wife to, man. This is amazing.

Speaker 1 I can give you recommendations on if you ever visit Mexican food that competes with and tops some of Southern California's spots. I currently live in San Diego, thanks and Let's Go Raiders.

Speaker 1 All right, well, let's let's fucking see where this place is. Can I open my Google Maps?

Speaker 1 All right, turn off the fucking airplane thing, which means somebody's gonna immediately fucking call me, and I'm gonna have to

Speaker 1 edit this fucking thing together. Hang on a second, what do we got here?

Speaker 1 Chico

Speaker 1 California, C-H-I-C-O.

Speaker 1 Chico, California is

Speaker 1 Holy shit.

Speaker 1 That's way the fuck up there.

Speaker 1 That is north of Sacramento. And then you got Redding, and then Eureka.

Speaker 1 Then I could come down and do Santa Rosa. Well, you know, it's funny you say that.
I was gonna tell my uh

Speaker 1 my agent there that I wanted to do uh

Speaker 1 Northern California. I mean, I gotta do the rest of the ninety-nine, no? I went all the way up there.

Speaker 1 Let's see some of these towns up here.

Speaker 1 Lodi. Get a loadie of this place.
Sorry.

Speaker 1 Cortland, Lincoln,

Speaker 1 Plumis Lake, Yuba City.

Speaker 1 There's Chico. And then you go to the west, and there's Eureka.

Speaker 1 You know, which I wanted to go to until I got Netflix and they told me it was Murder Mountain.

Speaker 1 You know, it's weird. I get, was that all was that over weed?

Speaker 1 Can you imagine getting fucking killed in a bad drug deal over weed? I always felt it had to be more serious drugs,

Speaker 1 you know, like Coke or heroin, something like that. Just weed, kind of, like, hey, man, like, what you're doing over there is not groovy, man.

Speaker 1 But what do I know about that world? Evidently, nothing. All right.

Speaker 1 Where am I? 42 minutes in. 42.
Oh, let's take a little side note here.

Speaker 1 What do I do here? Rest in peace, Chuck Woolery.

Speaker 1 Chuck Woolery. They don't make him like that anymore.
That was a fucking man's man.

Speaker 1 He was just what you wanted to look like. That full head of hair.
That strong jaw. He had the Rolex presidential.
And he would just sit there. I used to talk to him with a buddy of mine.

Speaker 1 He just didn't have a care in the world. He was fucking good-looking.
He knew it.

Speaker 1 The original host of the Wheel of Fortune. And then he did Love Connection.

Speaker 1 And all the ladies loved him.

Speaker 1 All the ladies loved him. He fucking dressed good.
They knew he smelled good. He was just fucking crushing it.
Chuck Willery. That was it.
I'll tell you something. Chuck Willery, Chris Christopherson.

Speaker 1 Who else passed this year? These guys were like just bigger than life when I was a kid.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know what? And then, like, I've been watching

Speaker 1 some Cohen brother movies.

Speaker 1 And I watched,

Speaker 1 what was it, in Cold Blood? I got to get these names right.

Speaker 1 I should have done this before I got it. I'm so fucking disorganized.
Well, whatever. You know what I mean? I just sort of wing this thing.

Speaker 1 What do you want from me? I don't know, Bill, little fucking preparation. In cold blood

Speaker 1 cast you gotta see it it's on it's on the criterion channel or as i call it smart netflix

Speaker 1 hey no disrespect um

Speaker 1 here we go let's see what we got here in cold blood cast

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 oh no not in cold blood what am i talking about blood simple jesus christ i'm getting him confused here blood simple some cinephile was screaming at his device here. Blood Simple

Speaker 1 cast.

Speaker 1 You got to see that one.

Speaker 1 M. Emmett Walsh

Speaker 1 recently passed away. Was amazing.
Everyone was amazing in that movie.

Speaker 1 And the suspense that they created was fantastic. And then I saw a movie, for whatever reason, I never wanted to watch it.
It just didn't appeal to me. And I actually sat down and watched it.

Speaker 1 I watched Barton Fink,

Speaker 1 John Goodman, John Toturo are amazing. And Michael Lerner, who got nominated for best supporting, was so fucking incredible in that movie.
And he also recently passed away.

Speaker 1 Shout out to them. But if you go on the Criterion channel, aka Smart Netflix, they

Speaker 1 got

Speaker 1 all of these Cohen brother movies up there. And

Speaker 1 I don't know. You know, when I was talking about earlier about having an app

Speaker 1 about

Speaker 1 what year you'd want to live in or what era you won't want to live in, I actually

Speaker 1 that's kind of the way that I sort of stay,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 back where I I feel like I belonged more, is I just go back and I watch those old movies. And I gotta be honest with you, man.

Speaker 1 I don't think the Cohen brothers get brought up enough.

Speaker 1 And I'm not gonna fucking start an argument here, but there's certain directors when they talk about the greatest American directors get brought up. And I don't, you know,

Speaker 1 if the Cohen brothers are brought up, they're usually brought up fourth or fifth.

Speaker 1 And now that I'm watching a lot of these movies that I hadn't seen before, like The Man Who Wasn't There, Barton Fink, and all of that, and it's just like

Speaker 1 their range. To be able to go from Blood Simple, their next movie, then being Raising Arizona.
And if you're a young person, you've never seen either one of those movies,

Speaker 1 you're not going to regret it.

Speaker 1 Unless you've just been death scrolling your whole life and watching free porn and you have the attention span of a fucking squirrel, then you're probably going to think the Blood Simple starts slow.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, it's a fucking incredible movie. And then Raising Arizona to this day is still one of the funniest movies I've ever seen.
And

Speaker 1 the actors that they work with have the versatility of the material that the Cohen brothers are writing. Like John Goodman.

Speaker 1 Like, what do you want him to do? Do you want him to be fucking fall on the floor, fucking hilarious?

Speaker 1 Or do you want him to play a serial killer? He can do that too. Like,

Speaker 1 the level of acting in it is in those movies is incredible. So,

Speaker 1 you know, I got a slow week, as everybody does, hopefully.

Speaker 1 Unless you're working for one of these fucking heartless box stores.

Speaker 1 You got a slow week this week.

Speaker 1 Check out the Criterion Channel and watch one of those movies. I'm going to watch a a couple more this week.
I think I'm going to watch Hutsocker Proxy, which I never saw.

Speaker 1 And then I think they had one called A Simple Man or something. I never saw that one.
And just sort of fill in the gaps of a few. True Grit I never saw.

Speaker 1 And No Country for Old Men is the reason why I ended up getting my old 68 F-100 because I was trying to figure out the classic car I wanted to get.

Speaker 1 And I just felt like baby boomers had sort of worn out all of those muscle cars. They all had had them, you know.

Speaker 1 So, and I was always a truck guy, and then I saw that opening scene where all those guys were dead, and there was all these late 70s to like 1980 Ford trucks.

Speaker 1 And I was like, you know, an old fucking Ford truck with a short bed, that could be all right. And that's how I ended up with my truck because

Speaker 1 of the Cohen brothers.

Speaker 1 All right, what do we got here?

Speaker 1 Let me go back.

Speaker 1 Let me go back. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Let me go back to the questions here.

Speaker 1 To name or not name, female listener here. I did that one.

Speaker 1 Billy Balitnikov. All right, the last one here.
Jimmy Chamberlain drums.

Speaker 1 Dear Billy Snare Roll.

Speaker 1 I'm curious what you think about Jimmy Chamberlain, the drummer from Smashing Pumpkins. He's one of my favorite drummers from the 90s.

Speaker 1 Everybody I know who knows anything about music says this guy's one of the great drummers of his generation. I unfortunately

Speaker 1 when the smashing pumpkins came out

Speaker 1 I I'm really behind on all the grunge shit

Speaker 1 All I can say is that I feel like as much as I Resented that music Because it knocked all my hair metal bands off the fucking top 10 man on MTV I had started comedy and stuff and I I

Speaker 1 I didn't listen to it, but when I go back and listen to it, it like holds up.

Speaker 1 You know, I got into Allison Chains and Soundgarden. I loved the two of those bands, but like,

Speaker 1 there was so many new bands coming out. And then Green Day, I got into them.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, I was just, I was lost in my career. So

Speaker 1 I've watched clips of him

Speaker 1 on the internet and stuff like that and looked at some of his drum parts and stuff. I think, you know, from what I've seen, I agree with everybody that he's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 But I'm not going to sit here and act like

Speaker 1 I am familiar with the Smashing Pumpkins catalog.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know. I was like 26, 27 when that shit came out, and I was sliding into 30, and I was a fucking loser, man.
So I had to like,

Speaker 1 I had to get shit going. I didn't have time to go to concerts.
Anyway, he's one of my favorite drummers, and he plays in a rock band. He has a lot of jazz influence, for example.

Speaker 1 He often keeps time with the hi-hat. It's a unique feature for a rock drummer.
John Bonham.

Speaker 1 Thanks. And go double floor Tom

Speaker 1 like Bonham yourself.

Speaker 1 All right. I don't want to start some shit here.

Speaker 1 But,

Speaker 1 all right, how do I talk around this?

Speaker 1 Sorry, I had a little drink of water there.

Speaker 1 There's a certain drummer when I was growing up

Speaker 1 that everybody told me was a fucking great drummer. And I would listen to him.
He was a, you know, he was a great drummer, But the level of

Speaker 1 the where they put this guy, I was just like, I just don't fucking hear it, man. I'm not

Speaker 1 fucking hearing this. Ah, fuck it.
I'll say it. Ginger Baker.

Speaker 1 And everybody's like, oh, man, this guy,

Speaker 1 you know, fucking

Speaker 1 Bonham was nowhere near. I'm like, Barnum was nowhere near this guy?

Speaker 1 I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I don't think Ginger Baker is anywhere near John Bonham.

Speaker 1 And then one time, late in his life, I watched him play a solo and I was like, oh,

Speaker 1 wow, all right, I get that. All that polyrhythm stuff and all that.
Okay.

Speaker 1 Maybe it's my fucking ears.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm just a fucking comedian, right? What do I know about drumming? These musicians are saying, you know, this guy's that great.

Speaker 1 And I stumbled upon this thing

Speaker 1 where.

Speaker 1 Ginger Baker had a drum battle with Elvin Jones.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 1 And that was Ginger Baker's thing. I think he was like, I'm really a jazz drummer, right? And he used to, yes, was talking all of this stuff about how fucking great he was and all of this shit, right?

Speaker 1 That's what I didn't like about him. He's always fucking running his yap

Speaker 1 about that shit. You know, it's like, dude, if you're fucking great, people are going to say it.
Like, why are you,

Speaker 1 what are you doing, right?

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyways, he has this drum battle with Elvin Jones. And Elvin Jones, from what I can tell and what I've read, eventually basically agreed to have this drum battle with him.

Speaker 1 Not because Ginger Baker was anywhere near the level of drummer that Elvin was, it was because rock stars had the fame that jazz musicians used to have.

Speaker 1 So he agrees to have this thing so he can get some of Ginger Baker's cream

Speaker 1 blind faith fame that spotlight shined on him. And then Ginger Baker wants to have that battle with him so he can get the fucking credibility that I had a drum battle with Elvin Jones.

Speaker 1 You know? And also, from what I've read, I feel like he felt like he was in Elvin's league.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, I came across this quote where Elvin Jones was talking about Ginger Baker. The first thing he did, he was he talked about Keith Moon.

Speaker 1 In his quote about Keith Moon, he said, That man is a drummer.

Speaker 1 And after having a drum battle with Ginger Baker, he just laughed and said something like, He needs to get in touch with NASA and they need to ship his ass to outer space

Speaker 1 because he was fucking delusional.

Speaker 1 Whatever. I can have a strong opinion about a fucking dead drummer from 60 years ago.
Yeah, that guy, and I see that. I'm telling you, man, I've seen that in my business.

Speaker 1 People who fucking suck going around saying they're one of the best at whatever they fucking do, and everybody else keeps their mouth shut because hey, you don't want to weigh in on that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And then the press just picks it up, and then they think it's fucking true.

Speaker 1 It's a strange thing. But I saw, when I saw that quote, I was so fucking happy.

Speaker 1 Because for my whole life, I was just going, dude, is it me? Like, in the white room, da-da-da. And he just goes down the tongs.

Speaker 1 I'm like, this is a guy.

Speaker 1 Dude, he plays the beat backwards. Yeah, and it doesn't sound good.

Speaker 1 He's playing like this tribal thing. I get it.
I get it. All right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 I mean, that's one way to do it. I'm not like going like, whoa, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 All of those James Brown drummers were fucking better than he was. I don't know what the fuck.
I don't know. I don't know what it was.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That's just my fucking.
All right, I started a debate. Somebody,

Speaker 1 somebody convince me because I got Elvin Jones agreeing with me.

Speaker 1 Look, I usually, I never do that shit, and now I don't know. I'm getting older.
I don't, look at that. I'm fucking shitting on the NFL.
I'm fucking, I'm old Billy Hottakes this week

Speaker 1 all right I'm not saying he's a bad fucking drummer I'm just talking like if he was half as good as he said he was I wouldn't be scratching my head

Speaker 1 because I would I would rather

Speaker 1 I mean John Bonham is just infinitely a better drummer than than Ginger Baker and I'll tell you why you can fucking take away all the fucking music just play what John Bonham played and someone who doesn't even play an instrument knows what song it is by the fucking drums

Speaker 1 I don't think you can do that with like

Speaker 1 gingerbread. I just don't.
My own opinion.

Speaker 1 Oh, there's gonna be some baby boomers coming after me. Dude, I saw cream in fucking 1960s, fucking eight at the tea party in Boston.

Speaker 1 Girlfriend is a nymphomaniac.

Speaker 1 Hey, Billy, greetings from your motherland, Ireland. I got a lot of mothers over there.

Speaker 1 I am a fucking mutt.

Speaker 1 I have a strange problem. I was hoping you could get your insight on.

Speaker 1 I can already tell you what to do. You know, don't fall in love with her.
You're not going to fix her. Okay? This is like something she needs to work on or figure out, and this is above my pay grade.

Speaker 1 But enjoy yourself. All right there, Freckles?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I recently met the perfect woman for me, smart, beautiful, and all that good stuff. I never jumped into a relationship so big, so, so, never jumped into a relationship.

Speaker 1 So, this is a big step for me, and nearly everything is going well. The only issue is she wants to have sex all capitals all the time.
Oh, I got the hiccups.

Speaker 1 Oh, oh, Billy Roadgas.

Speaker 1 Had too many breakfast burritos out there.

Speaker 1 In all sorts of places, et cetera. I told my guy friends, why would you do that?

Speaker 1 You know, one of your guy friends is going to be a dirtbag and try to catch her at the post office. Anyway, I told my guy friends, but obviously they just laugh and make jokes.

Speaker 1 They even shared it with the bartender and regulars down at our local pubs so everyone could crack more jokes. Why did you do that?

Speaker 1 Typical Irish banter, but not the stuff you want the public to hear about your girl. Well, what the fuck did you open your yap for?

Speaker 1 Oh my god. What if you marry this woman? She's the mother of your kids and you fucking tell everybody how much she loves jumping on your cock.

Speaker 1 You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any. No, I wouldn't.
No, I wouldn't. No, I wouldn't.
That's what you think when you're in like your 20s when you want to fuck all the time.

Speaker 1 But as you get older, you know, it's just like, you know, it's like anything. You like ice cream? You want some more ice cream? Here's some more ice cream.
You want some more?

Speaker 1 I got a fucking headache.

Speaker 1 You would think this would be the perfect scenario for any man, but it's getting out of control. She wanted to fuck on the pier

Speaker 1 harbor the other night. So we did it, and during the act, a huge, freezing cold Atlantic wave smashed over us.

Speaker 1 Did she have an orgasm?

Speaker 1 When we were doing it against the wall and destroyed our phones and almost swept us into the water, I haven't stopped sneezing since. Well, you were in your birthday suit there, buddy.

Speaker 1 I would have killed to hear your fucking Irish accent then. Jay Jesus, y'all fucking cunt.

Speaker 1 Then she wanted to bang on her indoor exercise bike because she thought the angle might be good, but it looked so stupid I had to turn off the light during it.

Speaker 1 She even wanted to do it during a trip to the zoo so we went away off the public footpath to the an outdoor shack.

Speaker 1 So little Larry Limlick and his fucking nice cold fucking cork from the Atlantic Ocean he goes down to the pub.

Speaker 1 I'm in a family business where I deal with the public in a small rural coastal Catholic village. So, if we were ever to get caught, the consequences could be detrimental to our business.

Speaker 1 But I'm also worried she'll get bored if I don't keep delivering. I don't feel comfortable introducing toys, but my dick is getting too sore, so I'm considering it.

Speaker 1 Even my work and side hustles have regressed, so all this sex is affecting my finances. What would be your or Nia's advice, or even your listeners, in dealing with the problematic hypersexuality?

Speaker 1 I mean, you got to talk to her about it.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Just say, look at my dick. It looks like it has a cold.
Look how fucking red it is.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jimmy, your tools are about ready to fall off me fucking ball bag.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you gotta sit down and talk to her.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's kind of hard because you did it.
Just say, like, listen, I love you. You're fucking great and everything.
And

Speaker 1 I've been trying to keep up with you sexually, but you wore me out. I'm out of jizz.
All right?

Speaker 1 I

Speaker 1 go places mentally. I never went during sex.
I'm just fucking.

Speaker 1 You somehow turned fucking into a dead-end cubicle job. Like, I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 1 All right, these are all jokes. You just have to sit down.

Speaker 1 I would ask the advice of a professional.

Speaker 1 Try not to tell her her name because even that pro might try to go out and bang her.

Speaker 1 And this is the thing.

Speaker 1 Where it stands right now is this isn't working for you, and it's not going to work for you in the long run. And I would think eventually,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 She's going to bang someone else or, you know, you're going to have to walk around your house in rubber gloves because you don't know if she fucking used a vibrator on the toaster or whatever. So

Speaker 1 I would

Speaker 1 Yeah, I would talk to a professional, find out more about why this would be,

Speaker 1 and then what's the right way to approach it, and then see what she says.

Speaker 1 Or, or I, I, yeah, I mean, I don't know, I don't,

Speaker 1 I don't know what to do about it. Like, it's always hard when, no pun intended, when, like, you fucking, when the woman has the problem,

Speaker 1 you know?

Speaker 1 Because they're not like men. We can just be like, yeah, listen, you're doing this, and it's, it's, you know, what the fuck's going on with you?

Speaker 1 You can't, I don't know, you can't fucking do that with them. They're always like, what?

Speaker 1 You think fucking on top of the washer team was bad? I thought you would enjoy it, right? And then they do all that shit.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 1 As a 56-year-old, I don't envy any of this situation.

Speaker 1 This actually sounds literally like a fucking nightmare.

Speaker 1 So this is above my pay grade. I would go talk to a professional.
And then secondly, the advice that I would give you is

Speaker 1 don't be afraid to get out of this.

Speaker 1 Okay, that goes for everybody listening to this. If you're not happy in a fucking situation, you sit down and you talk to them and they fucking try to turn around on you.

Speaker 1 That's you, all right, I get it. I get it.
Yeah, this isn't going to work out. And then fuck them.
And then walk away. And then walk away.
All right.

Speaker 1 There's plenty of beautiful, super smart women who don't want to fuck in front of a bunch of monkeys at a zoo. All right? There you go.
Well, that's the podcast, everybody.

Speaker 1 Enjoy your, yo, it's the holiday season. Doobie-doobie-doo.
It's fucking Thanksgiving. Listen, here's one for you: it's Thanksgiving.
Don't talk about politics or religion. Don't do it.

Speaker 1 Because people are, you want to talk about hyper-sexualized or whatever? I want to talk about hyper-politicized. Like the nymphomaniacs of fucking talking about politics.
You know?

Speaker 1 Hey, can you pass the gravy? Well, we won't be able to do that after January 20th, you know, and then there's a big fucking argument.

Speaker 1 Just don't do that, you know?

Speaker 1 I would just sit there and, you know, if somebody tries to bring it up to you, what you do is you do the classic,

Speaker 1 I call it the white person neutral face. You purse your lips and you put your eyebrows up, and then you look elsewhere.

Speaker 1 Or you sort of nod like,

Speaker 1 okay, you said that. If that's, you know, if that's what you're thinking, you know, just have that be your own goal.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? I am not going to get involved in your fucking Joe Biden, Kamala, Donald Trump fucking bullshit. All right?

Speaker 1 Unless you're gonna sit at the fucking goddamn Thanksgiving table and talk about killing heads of corporation and bankers, I don't wanna talk to you.

Speaker 1 All right, that's the podcast, everybody. Enjoy your week.
Happy Thanksgiving, and I'll talk to you later.

Speaker 1 Go fuck yourselves.