Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 11-7-24

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Bird.

It's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

And I'm just checking in,

checking in on you.

What's going on?

I want

ya.

Oh, sorry about no Monday morning podcast this week.

I'll be honest with you, I completely forgot it was Monday.

I've been running around crazy.

I got a big gig this week, and all of a sudden, I was like, holy shit, today was Monday.

I forgot to do it.

And

then my week got super busy or whatever.

So I apologize for that.

You know, there goes my streak.

I don't know how many Mondays did I do in a row?

I think I missed one back in September when I had the flu

or whatever it was that I had.

Whatever it was that I got coming back from that cave out there, Nashville, Nashville, Tennessee.

Can anybody explain to me how, why is this so redlining here as I'm talking?

I don't feel like I'm being that loud.

How the fuck was Penn State ranked number two?

Can somebody explain that?

Where did that come from?

I got to watch a little bit of that game last week.

They were playing Ohio State.

Was it last week?

Was it two weeks ago?

I don't know.

But it was so fucking frustrating.

They had the game one, and then they just wide open receivers, the balls at the guy's fucking ankles.

Whatever.

You know, catch the ball, goes off your chest, the defensive back catches it in the end zone.

And I just was like, why do I do this to myself?

Why do I continue to watch sports the way I do?

I would just love to watch them,

you know,

completely,

just be completely indifferent.

I know there's somebody that does that.

There has to be some sort of app, you know, that you can download and then they can track your behavior and then sell your information to people in fucking Thailand or whatever the hell it is they do.

There has to be an app that teaches you how,

like being like apolitical, like can you be a

like you just don't, like how do you not, like I get it with the Boston teams.

I'm going to always root for the Boston teams, right?

But like why do I give a fuck?

How did I start giving a fuck about Penn State beating Ohio State?

I was like mad at myself.

I'm like, why am I this into this fucking game?

You know?

Or like watching the World Series.

And it's like, oh, you know, I'm a Red Sox fan.

I fucking hate the Yankees.

I got to root for the Dodgers.

And then I'm looking at the Dodgers and then they're showing highlights at a Lakers game.

I'm like, wait, I'm a Celtics fan.

I fucking hate the Lakers.

And I just was like, dude, none of this.

None of this matters.

Why don't you just enjoy the fact that there's about $700 million worth of talent out there playing the game at the highest level.

Highest, at the highest level.

Why can't you just do that?

Buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks.

I don't care who fucking wins.

Root.

Root, root for the seven-game series.

Because if they wrap it up quicker than that, I have to go back

to life on the road.

Anyway, I found a really good coffee spot where I'm staying.

Old school, old school in a good way.

Sometimes old school is like chicken ale king.

You know what I mean?

And your dad belting your mom

and a waffle falls on the floor or something like that.

Sometimes that's old school.

But then other times it's like, oh, this tastes like actual food.

Great coffee, and their parfait doesn't have any sugar in it.

That's my move.

for old Billy fucking no tits.

All right.

Hey, I'm Billy no tits.

Do you want to have no tits in your mid-50s sliding into your late 50s?

I'm

57.

I'm getting into my late 50s, everybody.

I am old enough to be a disgraced politician.

I'm old enough.

I'm old enough to be on the other side of a lot of shit.

A lot of shit.

A lot of shit could happen.

I'm old enough to have been a Hall of Famer in a sport.

Never happened.

I'm old enough to be a disgraced politician.

There's probably a general or an admiral that's roughly my age.

And here I sit trying to figure out how to do shit jokes Saturday night.

You know, you know what it is?

It's like there is no right answers.

You're just, you're on the road you're supposed to be on, and then just that is what it is.

I'll tell you this: here's something that you didn't hear about

this week, the week before, maybe this whole year, on any sort of

major news network or anything like that is

it's November, let's see, Monday was the 4th, 5th, 6th, it's November 7th,

and I'm in New York City, and it is 68 fucking degrees out.

Like there's people walking down the street without a jacket on.

There's people jogging in shorts.

I mean,

and I was talking to some locals and they were like, yeah, man, it hasn't rained here.

I can't remember the last time it rained here.

It's terrifying.

And I got to be honest with you.

I think LA is the better place to be rather than the East Coast.

East Coast, if you just look at it, you're like, all right, it's got all this water, you know, the trees or whatever, and it just seems like more lush land.

But like, if it's not gonna fucking rain, if it's gonna stop fucking raining, those trees are gonna dry out.

And the people on the East Coast are not experienced with wildfires.

LA, wildfires are, you know,

it's like getting a taco out there.

It's just part of your day-to-day life in LA.

It's traffic and unbelievable taco.

And like, do you think those flames are gonna get to my house?

I think the advantage of living in Los Angeles is we have apocalyptic weather every year.

So we,

I don't know, I don't know.

Whatever.

What is that, Winston Churchill?

Just fucking carry on.

Yeah.

So.

But here's the thing.

I'm not afraid of like dying and meeting an angry God because I've come to terms with the fact that he has made all of these people.

I am out of this bullshit that he made everybody great, and then the devil came in and said something on your shoulder, and you gave in to that in a moment of weakness.

Now Jesus is mad at you, and you gotta make amends on Saturday on your knees inside a closet, right?

I don't buy into any of that.

I think it's

I think it's it's put in there for a reason.

Like all of these sociopaths and fucking psychos and how we just don't get along with one another and and and all of that shit i just feel like it's that's the natural state of human beings is

no i don't wouldn't say the natural state but it's it's the natural the reason why god made sociopaths is is to make to ensure that there was going to be a beginning, a middle, and an end to humanity, and then he could move on to his next creation.

Because that's one thing that they never talk about in religion, is at some point God was over the dinosaurs.

It's just like, you know, I just like, it was like cool at first, you know, they were all big.

I was younger, I was showing off, and then he just threw a fucking meteor.

All right, let's start over again.

Let's see if I can be a little more subtle.

Let's make the animals a little smaller.

And let's make an almost hairless one

and have it walk around you know in sneakers and sweatpants and see see what that does

um

these animals seem to like stadiums uh

anyway so um i don't really know what to talk about i have been in a bunker all week um

But I tell you what, I've been having fun working on the monologue for the show Saturday night.

And,

you know it's funny I always said to god I got to work clean oh this is good oh it's so much harder to work clean two nights of working clean you don't even remember working dirty it's not really easier or

like more difficult it's just different and then once you settle into that you're like oh I could I could go a whole hour like this

you know I just kind of choose not to because in my day-to-day life, I would like to curse less, certainly in front of my kids.

You know,

do you know when I curse the most in front of my kids is when I'm playing out a scenario in my head

and I'm in the kitchen and I'm cooking and I'm talking to myself

and I'm like, and I'll just be like making eggs or something.

And I don't even know my kids are like

sitting at the table and I don't even know I'm doing it.

I'm like making eggs going, oh yeah, is that what the fuck you think?

Huh?

It's because you're a fucking piece of shit.

And I hear dad, and I go, oh,

sorry

no I swear to God my kids sometimes

sometimes they just look at me but sometimes they really look at me and those are the looks as a parent that scare you when they're just really

you just see them doing the math like oh

he he doesn't have all the answers

He doesn't have this all figured out.

You know, but that's okay.

And that's what this program is about.

It's, you know, it's okay to be flawed.

It's okay.

I like those types of people that tell people it's okay.

Whatever they're doing, it's okay.

You know, the amount of money that

you can make off of fellow human beings telling them that the wrong shit that they're doing actually is okay.

It's not wrong.

Then it's just like, yeah, I like this.

I like this person.

They're telling me what I want to hear.

This is easy.

There's no work involved.

Anyway, hey, do you think there's in any world I could do a stand-up show at Joel Austin's arena, like on an off night when he's dark?

You know?

That was the summit.

That's where the Houston Rockets, the Twin Towers played.

Moses Malone.

It's a lot of history in there.

It's just a shame that you got this little guy in there, you know, who probably,

maybe he could hit a layup.

You think Joel could fucking run an offense, run the triangle offense, come up, push it up the court?

You know?

He played for the Saviors.

I mean, it is a shame with all the money that that guy has, that that is not a multi-purpose arena.

You know, at least have a church league and clear out those seats on the bottom.

Saints versus sinners.

I wouldn't go shirts and skins with the track record of,

is he Catholic?

I don't know what he is.

Or did he just kind of make up his own thing?

It really is incredible.

It would be incredible to see one of those

preachers, ministers, whatever they are, just like

come clean

and just be like, all right, how did you do this?

You know what I mean?

Like, what is the marketing Amway

thing that you did?

Like, I think his game is he does that thing where he goes, yeah, yeah, you know,

God wants you to get a hooker as long as you wear a condom.

You know,

you wake up the next morning, you know,

you help out your wife, he'll forgive you, he'll forgive you,

whatever he says, right?

You got him.

He's the feel-good.

He's the feel-good minister.

And then you got the other ones that like try to scare the hell out of you.

Those are the ones I'm more fascinated with.

I get Joel.

Like, if I was going to go to church,

I would just go see him.

He's just sort of a pleasant person.

He's telling me everything I'm doing is okay.

I think, isn't that what he does?

I thought it was Joel Olstein.

And then we did old dads.

Bobby Conivali kept saying Joel Austin in that scene.

And I was thinking, like, oh, God, you know,

he's so fucking brilliant.

He's mispronouncing that name on purpose.

It's a character choice.

And then I looked at the script.

I go, oh, wait, it is Austin.

And it's like, that all happened in my head.

And then I was kind of looking around the set, going, wait, I've been saying Olstein.

Does everybody think I'm stupid?

anyway

old Freckles is in the pressure cooker this week

I am enjoying it I am having such a great time

and I will talk to you guys about it when it's when it's over because I'm like superstitious but I do have good feelings I'll leave it at that

But anyway, I haven't been watching any sports.

I'm one race behind in Moto GP,

which is really coming down to it.

Although Mark Marquez crashed out on the last race, I was kind of hoping that he was just going to come out of nowhere

and we would just have like a

three-way race to the end.

I mean, there can't be more than one or two races left.

In fact, I wonder,

you know, I wonder if

it could have been wrapped up on Sunday.

I'll have to watch it.

Whatever.

I'll have to watch it.

So, yeah, like if Jorge Martin won,

does that put him far enough ahead

of Peko?

I don't know.

You know what?

I think I might have to watch that.

Might have to watch that right now.

Yeah, you're kind of a jerk, kind of a little punky.

You see that?

That bully?

That's one of my wife's favorite videos

where the guy's teaching self-defense.

And he goes, all right, he's a short guy.

He goes, come over here when you bully me.

So this taller guy comes over.

He goes, hey, he goes, you're kind of a jerk.

You're kind of a short little punky.

And the guy takes a sip.

The short guy takes a sip of his beer and he just goes,

and he spits it in the guy's face.

And my favorite part is he goes, he goes, is it dirty?

Okay, but it works.

Like, he goes, is it dirty?

No, and you said yes.

He goes, okay, but it works.

I don't think there's anything dirty in a bar fight.

Like, if you're not looking for a fight and some guy twice the size of you comes up to you and is going to beat the shit out of you, like, and there's no ref

for when you tap out and this guy can just continue on and on and give you brain damage.

I mean,

I think you can fucking spit a Michelobe light in his face.

I don't consider that dirty.

I consider that

having respect for your own well-being.

Anywho,

I think

that's kind of all I have.

I've just been having a great time doing spots here

in the city.

Whoa.

And I'm just trying to enjoy what I used to say in my act is the golden age of global warming.

You know?

I'll tell you what's funny.

I ran to this old guy and he was going, yeah, I go, how about this weather, huh?

He goes, yeah, Indian summer.

That's what they used to be called.

Indian summer, how about Indian month?

Indian year.

Anyway.

I wrote a Rodney Dangerfield joke about global warming.

All right, sorry about that.

I got a FaceTime from the Family Back East.

I forgot to put it in airplane mode.

So anyway, I don't even remember what the hell I was talking about.

Alright, let me do the reads, man.

Let me do the reads, man,

for

this week here.

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wait, head to policygenius.com slash Bill Burr or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save that's policygenius.com slash bill burr all right there you go i just did the reads okay we're back

and we're back um

what else is there to talk about i don't know

i've been in a cave

um

i tell you i've messed up my oh i messed up my back again

again I had it all worked out, and then when I got to Boston, I didn't even talk about doing the comics come home.

I had a great time doing that gig.

And I saw a couple of new comics.

I don't have their names in front of me.

God damn it.

I got to talk about this because there was a couple that I saw were absolutely brilliant.

And I have to get,

I got to make sure I give them the proper shout out.

But I did have a great time going.

I always loved doing that gig with Leary, Cam Neely, and all of those guys, Bobby, Kelly, Lanny, Clack.

And

I got to tell you, as fun as the show was, the hang afterward

was even more fun because it's just a mix of like

comedians,

you know, former Bruins, you know, retired players.

Just people that like have grown up and bought like, you know, whatever you call people that aren't in some version of show business, civilians.

It's just this great mix of people and everybody.

It's just like

one of the, I was sitting there at one point and I'm just looking at the circle of people I'm talking to,

you know, and I'm like, he's a lifelong Boston resident.

This guy has his name on the Stanley Cup and I tell shit jokes and we're just fucking hanging out, shooting the shit.

It was so much fun.

And this is how much fun the hang was after.

I had only planned to go up there and do a lap and go back to bed because, you know, I got this gig this week and I wanted to be rested up.

And I ended up staying there till like 1.30 in the morning.

It was amazing.

So thank you to Dennis and Cam Neely and everybody that puts that thing together every year.

The band sounded great.

They were playing some Rolling Stones and they were killing it.

It was just,

it was awesome.

It was really awesome.

And I did my usual thing where I went to the north end.

I got myself a sandwich I went to to a couple of coffee spots I walked around the town like I love doing

and I'll tell you something I saw hilarious right down there near the TD Bank North Garden was

I saw

they have a 24-hour Dunkin' Donuts

and

We were coming back.

Oh, it was after the after party.

And so it was about two in the morning, quarter to two in the morning, and I drove by and I see the Dunkin' Donuts is still open, and there's one poor bastard working there.

And I'm just thinking, man, that's got to be the most fucking dangerous job.

You're in there by yourself.

I mean, what do you got?

You got a pot of hot coffee, so maybe you can throw it at the person coming in with the gun, like Judge Reinhold and Fast Times at Richmond High.

Then I'm thinking, like,

is there even money in stores anymore?

Like, nobody uses cash.

Every once in a while, like, like you go to pay with cash and like, yeah, we don't take cash here.

And it's like, that isn't legal.

Like, can somebody explain to me how the new Clippers Arena,

that fucking piece of garbage that owns that team, and he acts like, yeah, I'm like you guys.

And it's like, you're not like us.

You're not like us.

What?

Because you like sports?

Who doesn't like sports?

There's a difference between liking sports and capturing everybody's retina that comes into your fucking arena so you can turn around and sell the information to make even more money, you greedy fuck.

And all of these zombies just come walking in to go look at, oh, wow, look at this.

Can I afford to come here while your tax dollars are fucking paying for it?

Now, that might not all be accurate, but that's basically what usually happens.

That was my favorite thing about when George W.

Bush threw out that first pitch.

at the Texas Rangers game and they gave him a standing ovation.

And it's like, you realize this is the guy guy that bankrupted the country with his damn good intelligence.

Isn't it amazing how nobody calls him on that?

CNN at Fox News.

They got nothing to say about that.

Here we are all these years later.

All these years later, we're fucking bankrupt because the intelligence was wrong and we're still fucking there.

He owned the Texas Rangers.

Him and his group threatened to move the team unless the state of Texas bought a new, paid for a new fucking, I might be, correct me if I'm wrong.

unless they gave him a new baseball stadium they were going to leave so they blackmail him to shell out god knows how much money to buy him a new stadium which immediately increased the value of the team and then they turned around and sold it

so he's those people in texas twice

once locally and once Globally or federally and he came down to throw out the pit and they gave him a standing ovation.

Like, that's that's I mean, that's fucking brilliant to be able to pull that off.

So, shout out to him.

Um,

and shout out to everybody, you know, just just keep just keep looking at colors of ties and believing in the ideology and just believe that they're not in it for themselves, they're in it for you, they're there to protect you.

Oh, Jesus.

Um, anyway, uh, I think that's all I got here.

Um,

I'm going to try to watch that race before I get on with my goddamn day here.

But anyway, as always, thank to everybody that came out to the show in Boston.

I'm very excited about this week, and I'm also really excited about that run of dates I have out there in California, the great state of California.

I'm one of those weird people.

I like all the states.

You know why?

Because every state has Americans in them.

Okay?

I root for the home team.

I know that's not what you're supposed to do now.

I'm supposed to look at a state and be like, what color is your state?

This color state is so fucking stupid.

And you're literally watching adults doing that.

It's unreal.

It's unreal.

But it's real.

It is what it is.

All right, that's it, everybody.

Go fuck yourselves.

Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you on Monday.

Hey, what's going on?

It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, November 6th, 2016.

Holy shit, dude, I gotta start my fucking Christmas shopping.

You know what?

You actually should at this point.

Wouldn't that be great?

Wouldn't it be great to just think of every fucking goddamn person out there that you got to buy for?

Not your kids, all right?

You love your kids.

Not your dog.

You love your dog, right?

What else is there?

It's your kids kids and your dog.

That's what it is, right?

You love your wife, too, but you know, you know this, right?

Wouldn't it be great if you could just fucking go

just get it all fucking done?

Just call in sick one day, you know exactly where you want to go.

You know, fuck, give me one of those, give me fucking like a dunkin' donuts.

Give me two fucking jellies, a fucking powdered sugar,

fucking two glazed and a curler.

Right, except it's gifts.

You know, then you just have the lady down there wrap them for you.

The whole fucking thing.

I mean, nice gifts, though.

Nice, thoughtful shit for like 10, 15 fucking people, but you just knock it out in four hours, right?

Then you take these fake hay fever pills and you walk into work like, oh, God, I just woke up.

I'll be all right.

I'll be in my cubicle.

Whatever.

And you did, the whole fucking thing is done.

Right?

And then you can just sit there and chill.

Two things you should fucking do.

I would, this is why I'm actually talking out loud to myself, and I'm not mad if you're listening.

All right,

two things you got to do.

You got to do fucking cardio right through the new year because you know you're going to eat and drink like a fucking pig.

You know it's happening.

All right.

You know it's the end of the year.

You know what I mean?

You get those few days off and you just start thinking, what if we just always had days off and everybody just fucking cooked and you fucking drank and nobody gave a shit and there wasn't anything to do the next day, you know?

That wonderful feeling of actually living life while enjoying it as opposed to looking in dread at your fucking watch as the next fucking monday is coming you know so if you can just somehow knock it out

you know what i mean knock it out before the animals show up you know i mean it's just fucking it all starts on black friday and then it just becomes fucking just bad fathers and I don't know what into December and all of that shit.

So you knock that out.

You do your half hour of cardio every fucking day.

Go for a walk, whatever the fuck you do, eat a salad or some shit.

Just do something.

You know?

So, you know, as I'm sitting here drinking a fucking Miller High Life doing this fucking podcast,

I should do that.

I should make a fucking list in my head right now.

All the nieces and nephews, what do they want?

How old are they?

Bing, bang, boom.

I don't like that internet shopping, though, you know?

You just go on Amazon, you just go around just clicking shit.

Some reason, it's not as fucking cool.

I actually found it, accidentally found this really cool toy store.

Of course I was going out to a bar

and it was closed and everything, but it actually had like wooden toys, like cars and shit like that, like,

you know, the way they used to make them.

They didn't make them that way when I was a kid.

I remember my dad used to say that, Chrysis, this is cheap shit.

When I was a kid, Chrysis, there was made out of metal and wood and the tires were real rubber.

Right?

And our shit was all fucking plastic and God knows what else.

You put it in your mouth and next thing you know, you were bad at math and you couldn't read out loud.

So you had to start telling jokes.

That's what happened.

Everything, I was born during a fucking time when any fucking toy when you were a kid, if you were the little kid going through the oral stage, you know, where they just stick their whole fucking hand in their mouth, all your little brothers and shit, every fucking toy you had, if they put it in their mouth, that was it.

You know?

They went from an A student down to a B student, and then they had all the colorful colorful cereals with all that fucking shit in it.

They had fluff, peanut butter, and fluff sandwiches.

Man, it was just fucking, it was a sugar coma.

Oh, and I gotta tell you, it was great.

Oh, Jesus Christ, you eat a fluffed another sandwich, then you put on the banana splits or the monkeys, you know, with the whole influence of the acid generation.

It's a good time.

Dude, I saw a guy on a motorcycle today.

He had a fucking suicide shifter behind him.

I always thought they kind of put it right down to the side.

They had it behind him.

I was dropping off some stuff.

You know, I'm getting rid of a bunch of shit that I have.

You wouldn't believe what.

I bought one of those fucking, one of those saws cards, not a table saw, the one that you have just in your hands, it's just a hand saw.

I fucking bought a great one a few years ago.

Because I had this under, I got into this whole thought process that I was going to start fixing shit around the house and I was going to start woodworking or some shit like in my 40s.

You know what I mean?

Like it's over.

It's not going to happen.

You know what I mean?

Unless you go take a class.

I don't know what.

But I didn't have time for that shit.

So I bought this thing, fucking top of the line thing.

I have had that thing for three years.

It's still in the fucking box.

And I finally just said, Bill, you got nothing to build.

Okay?

The problem with the house that you bought was everything was done by some fucking asshole like you after it was built.

After it was built.

It's a bunch of do-it-yourself weekend warrior horse shit.

Okay?

So I took that.

I had this bicycle that I bought Nia.

She never used it.

She used it long enough to fuck up all the gears.

You know what I mean?

She didn't know that you couldn't shift while not pedaling.

You know, I forget, you know, she's like 10 years younger than me, so I forget.

I forget they just grew up with automatic cars and they don't understand that shit has to be turning when you fucking pull the levers down.

So that thing was fucked up.

Some old juicer, just shit shit that was going to take up space in the kitchen.

I'm getting rid of that shit.

I got a bunch of old drum shit I'm getting rid of.

By the way, by the way, all my modern drummers, all my

drum

magazines, I'm getting rid of those things.

And I have like, I have enough fucking drum videos

to make a goddamn, to start a fucking music store.

I never watch them.

There's a few that I'm going to keep.

The Steve Gadd up close, the Tommy Aldridge one.

There's a couple

that I love that I'm going to keep.

Maybe the Steve Smiths.

Kenny Air enough.

But I have like a zillion other ones that I just watched and people were phenomenal, but I just never learned anything from it.

David Garibaldi was a good one.

See, this is what's going to happen.

I'm going to go through the magazines because I know I got a couple old ones like Tommy Lee.

There's a John Barnum tribute.

I'm not getting rid of those fucking things.

But the rest of them.

There's like a music school.

If anybody knows out here in LA that I could just donate those things to, they're just

you know I'm not gonna be this I'm becoming like that fucking old lady you know or the guy who just doesn't throw any shit any of his shit out and I just have like I literally have like a decade and a half of fucking drum magazines and uh what am I doing with them You know, I read them and I put them up on the shelf and then I get another one the next month.

I read it, I put up on the shelf and I always think like, oh yeah, I'm going to go back to this one.

And I don't go back to it.

Then I forget whatever article, whatever music that they wrote out.

I'm never going to fucking find it.

What am I doing with it?

Pass it on to somebody else.

Let them fucking use it, you know?

Although what was good was I was trying to fuck with

what is it, Ware Eagles Dare,

Iron Maiden, and I had that one part,

this part, but that that.

I never knew what the fuck he was doing because the drums are so low in the goddamn mix, I could never figure it out.

And they actually had the music written out.

And I did go on YouTube, but the guy there mentioned that drum magazine had it, and lo and behold, I had that fucking issue, but still, I'm still able to figure it out via YouTube.

So, I'm going to get rid of a bunch of shit like that.

And

because now that my fucking house is done, I would also like to have it be

breathable.

Little fucking feng shui there, you know what I'm saying?

Because I got to tell you, even though the fucking kitchen has come to a grinding halt because of all the wiring they had to do, getting that fucking island out of there, ah, it's the greatest fucking thing ever.

That adolescent fucking cow that I had laying in the the middle of the fucking fridge.

I mean, middle of the goddamn kitchen.

Finally got that the fuck out of there.

So,

anyways, but this isn't what I wanted to talk about.

This is the Monday morning podcast.

My batteries are at medium, which means it's probably going to fucking cut out on me right before I get to an hour.

What else did I want to talk about?

Oh, Jesus.

So I was watching a bunch of football.

this weekend, college and pro.

Equally enjoyable.

I got to start sticking up for the NFL because now everybody's just piling piling on, talking about how their ratings are plummeting and all that shit.

What I think is they just, they just, they just got too broad-based, and now it's getting back to the numbers that it realistically is.

You know what I mean?

It was almost like the housing bubble where someone has a fucking shit shack and for some reason it's worth 400 grand.

You're like, that's worth 400 grand?

Yeah, the way the market's going, this time next year,

it'll be worth 500 grand, right?

That shit.

And then eventually the doll just topples on itself.

And somebody finally just goes, that is a shack that you shitted.

You know, I mean, I shit every day.

So, you know, I'll give you $5,000 for it.

Eventually, that's what happens.

I think the NFL, where they just, you know, they went from fucking 26 teams in my lifetime to 28

to 30 to 32.

to fucking wearing pink for a whole month to saluting the fucking troops to having Bruce Springsteen play at the halftime to fucking having it Monday night, now Thursday, and then occasionally Saturday.

They just, they got, they, they got way too, way too fucking big here.

Um,

and now they're just, they're just sort of adjusting it down.

They kind of went through their Phil Collins 80s years, you know,

just getting away from the prog rock shit that they did.

Like the prog rock of

the NFL was like the 60s, 70s, 50s, 60s, 70s, right?

Then in the 80s, they kind of peaked, you know, and then once they got, no, 90s wasn't bad.

Somewhere, I guess, in like the 2000s, I think it was like when Phil Collins started, you know, doing covers of like the Supreme shit.

You can't hurry, love.

And, you know, there's a girl that's been on my mind

all the time.

Sue, suit, suit you.

Like half of his shit, you couldn't even understand what it was.

I remember this dude who used to wear a fucking tank top cutoff with the Ghostbusters logo on.

Loved Phil Collins.

And not only did I not like Ghostbusters, never was into that fucking movie.

I couldn't stand that Phil Collins shit somewhere along the line.

You know, you know what it was?

Was when he started lecturing me about the homeless.

You know, I came home, you know, I put on MTV.

I want to eat a steak him, right?

God knows what happened to me that day.

I flunked a test, you know, somebody beat me up for having orange fucking hair.

I just want to sit.

I don't need to be reminded of this shit.

Right?

And all of a sudden he's out there.

Oh,

think twice, because it's another day for you and me in paradise.

I remember just watching that video going, what the fuck happened to his lip?

You know, is he a squealer?

Why has he got that little mark of the squealer on him?

Did he steal a song?

Anyways, brother, what I really meant to say is it's great that he's back.

It's great that he's going back out on tour.

One of the greatest fucking drummers of all fucking time.

i i don't know it's just somewhere on in the air tonight then whatever all that shit after that

the mic and the mechanic shit all of that fucking shit it just it it's the uh you know what never came back is the sound of the synthesizer

it just there's no way to make that sound uh

quality it i don't know i what the fuck do i know but just My own fucking opinion.

I just feel like it's just, it doesn't have any soul.

You know?

Oh, Jesus, Bill, why don't you shut the fuck up?

Okay, I will.

Let's, let's talk about these new Hillary Clinton fucking commercials, which, of course, none of, and the Trump ones, none of them talk about any sort of issue.

They're just sort of talking about each other, about what assholes they are.

You know, it's like it's like two seventh-grade girls just fucking starting rumors about each other.

They're not talking about the nationwide heroin epidemic.

They're not talking about fucking

the pharmaceutical companies trying to fucking make weed not legal at a state level again because because all the states wear it's fucking legal.

You know, the prescription medic prescriptions are all down.

They're losing money, so they're going to try to demonize it again.

According to the person that I can't even remember who the fuck it is that told me that, and then I never read it to see if it's true, but now I'm telling it to you.

They're not talking about any of that shit.

Great Barrier Reef is dead.

Who gives a fuck, right?

All right, let's trash the Hillary one first.

All right, the Hillary one about fucking Donald Trump is they're trying to go, your kids are watching this.

what kind of president are they gonna see okay which I get all right there's kids that are into politics but they show like six-year-olds

like riveted

just to a to a fucking I

to a fucking adult running running for office did you remember when you were six years old remember I don't even know if what what kids see nowadays when I was a kid remember when your parents put on the fucking news?

Remember that feeling in your stomach?

It was like they were making you eat spinach.

You're like, oh my God, I got to to get out of here.

This is boring.

Anytime there were adults on TV with suits talking, it was over.

I wanted nothing to do with it.

All I want was cartoons.

I like sports.

The Bionic Man.

What else did they have back then?

Little House in the Prairie, I liked for a little while.

Then it got all gross when fucking they brought that kid in.

Did he go deaf or did he go black?

I can't remember what the fucking.

The Adam kid or some shit.

He started fucking the one with the pigtails it just got gross man i don't know i used to like watching the cowboy shit i like that that stuff but anything that was remotely nightly news politics i vaguely remember uh richard nixon crying

on the radio when i was riding uh

i was riding in the car with my mother and she was trying to explain to me what was happening

And I was like, oh, oh, okay.

And I never thought, like, wow, this guy lied lied to the nation.

This is a president crying on the radio.

I had no concept of any of that.

I was just like, all right, can I get out of the car right now?

Because it's sunny out.

We've been driving for a while, and I think I'm going to throw up.

That's all I was thinking, because I was a fucking kid.

Okay, people,

here's the deal.

I mean, how fucking awful are you that you got to start talking about kids?

Kids are watching this guy.

And then the Hillary one, I don't even know what the fuck it was.

It looked like a fucking Pink Floyd video.

I was cooking and I turned around.

I have, I had the game on, the one that Trump made about Hillary,

which I want to say it was somebody dressed up like Hillary, holding a pickaxe or something.

Like, I didn't even know what

I never took a hallucinogen, but you know, that commercial made me be like, you know what, this would have been a great time.

To have done some acid to just watch that and like, you know, and if he somehow made it like feature length, that would have been fucking awesome.

But, anyways, I believe the election is this week.

I want to say it's Wednesday or is it Tuesday?

Maybe it's fucking Tuesday.

I have no idea.

I know Wednesday the 9th, I'm going to be on Conan O'Brien, and there will be a new president.

Is it going to be the first lady?

You know, which means Bill Clinton will be the first,

what the fuck would he be?

What would he be called?

The first husband?

The first first husband?

I knew I'd be groundbreaking.

Jesus Christ, can you imagine if that fucking cigar fucking sticking lunatic is back in there and now he doesn't even have a fucking job?

Jesus Christ.

Hillary, the first day is going to be like, get all these broads the fuck out of here.

I'm president.

Get them.

Anything with a twat, get it the fuck off Pennsylvania Avenue.

That's it.

They're literally gonna, they're gonna have to fucking wheel Bill around like Hannibal Lecter on like one of those two-wheelers.

You know what I mean?

With a little fucking muzzle on him.

Jesus, that animal might be coming back.

I think he's gonna.

I think

Trump fucked up.

He just said too much crazy shit and he made the Clintons look sane.

And he's got no one to blame but himself.

That's my prediction.

all right if I was a betting man and I was going to Vegas

unbelievable right

and Bernie Sanders is like that school that should have been allowed into the playoff and didn't fucking get in right because all these fucking cunts were too afraid to vote for him because there's no way he could win

I saw somebody the other day on TV.

They did this whole fuck, they did this, they go, all right, well, Hillary has, okay, you got to make a smart decision either, because it's really hard.

This decision is really hard because Hillary had a bunch of felonies and Trump, and then they listed like all the shit that Trump did for like a minute.

This is like a fucking, like a TV show.

It was just so fucking irresponsible, I feel.

You know what I mean?

You're supposed to try to be like him partial, right?

I hope I'm being impartial.

I don't fucking like either one of them.

I just don't know how you trash one guy for fucking 90 goddamn seconds and then you just, and all you say about the other person is just their felonies.

Why don't you just talk about the felonies that were brought up?

That the charges of those things.

You could talk about that for fucking 19 hours.

Oh, no, she has a blue bra, so therefore she must be a saint.

All right, I'm off my fucking soapbox here.

Good luck to you guys.

I really mean that.

Good luck to you, man.

I hope somehow we come out of this.

We somehow pick the fucking lesser of two fucking evils, whatever that is.

And I hope everybody

reads and rereads all the propositions and all the shit that's attached to them.

I plan on fucking doing that for the first time ever.

I'm actually going to be an informed fucking voter when it comes to that shit because I don't think there's any winning at the presidential level.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

Anyways,

whoever wins, it's going to be a rough four years of speeches before the next one.

I mean, neither one of them are a good public speaker.

Holy shit.

I mean, Trump just goes out there and wings it.

Like, Trump, when Trump gives a speech, he sounds like he's waiting for the headliner.

He's like stretching, waiting for the headliner to show up.

Keeps looking at the back of the room, and they're still making that stretch.

See, he's not here yet.

They said he's on his way to another 10.

And then Hillary, with that whole bobblehead fucking thing that she does, like, she, I haven't seen anybody so outside their own fucking body since Al Gore.

Remember Al Gore when he was fucking,

I'll never forget, he was doing a debate with George Bush, and George Bush makes a point, and then for whatever reason, Al Gore stood up, walked all the way over to George Bush, and just goes, my turn, in his ear, and Bush does like a double take, like, dude, what the fuck?

Sort of a natural reaction to this guy coming out of.

I mean, he could literally feel his fucking breath in his ear.

He fucking did this double take looking at him, and the whole crowd laughed

at Al Gore, and then Al Gore just threw his head back and for whatever reason started laughing, just goes, ho, ho, ho, ho,

ho, ho.

and I'm like, What are you laughing at?

Like, what the fuck are you doing?

Like, he was, uh, yeah, that guy.

That, you know, what that guy, that guy read about his critics too much.

Like, the first time they were like,

he wasn't animated enough.

And the next time he went out there, he was doing like this fossil shit.

Oh, Jesus.

He redefined fucking flop sweat, that guy.

All right, let's get out of politics.

I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking, anyways.

Talking about here.

Let's do a little bit of advertising 20 minutes into the podcast there.

All right.

Indochino.

Indochino.

Indochino.

Alrighty.

Okay, well, I did something a little weird this week, right?

What did I do here?

I fucking

tried to be slick here.

And what I did was I copy and pasted only three of the reads, three of the six.

So then I could immediately go into the questions.

But then, you know, I also wanted other shit that I wanted to talk about, and it's all the way up here at the top.

See, this is the problem.

When you fuck with your daily routine.

All right, what the fuck is this?

Sorry, guys.

Sorry, sorry.

Just relax, relax.

It's almost done.

Okay, it's done.

All right.

What else do I want to talk about?

Dude, how great was the fucking Giants Eagles game, huh?

That's always a great game.

And the same thing happens every fucking year.

The Giants go up, they go up fucking big, and then the Eagles start coming back.

And most of the times, the Giants just can't fucking put them away.

Today they did.

I fucking love the NFC East.

And I've watched so many Giants games because of Verzi.

I actually root for the Giants.

I shouldn't be doing that as a Pats fan.

You know?

You know what it is?

I don't have that fucking sports fan in me.

Just because we lost to the fucking Giants, I mean, did they,

were we robbed?

No, we weren't.

The guy did it to us twice.

He's fucking great.

For me to not like Eli, I'd have to not like Tom Brady because then I'm saying I don't like greatness.

Plus, one of the most interesting things to do is to watch Eli Manning throughout the course of a football season.

I'm telling you, this is when he starts waking up.

He's fucking bored.

It's September, October.

He stretches a little bit in November.

And then when they need to win the last six, seven fucking games, or else they're out of the playoffs, then he starts playing like a champ and they get on a fucking roll.

I'm telling you, this guy knows what he's doing.

Whereas his brother from day one, which we are protecting your shoes, he went out there like a fucking lunatic from day one.

I think he burned himself up by the time he got to the playoffs.

I don't know.

That's just a theory.

God damn it, that's a delicious beer.

Every once in a while, you know,

every once in a while, you know, you just take what you take a sip of a beer, and it takes you back to the first time you got fucking hammered.

You know, where were you the first time you got drunk?

I was at Fanuel Hall in Boston, you know, a stone's throw from the Comedy Connection where I would be performing in here eight years later, right?

I was drinking Micheloe Lights.

So the only place I've ever been able to find Micheloe Light is in New Orleans.

And I always drink one.

Whenever I go down there, that's a tradition.

Some people go down there.

They go down there for the gumbo or the fucking

Creole fucking whatever the fuck, the music and all I got, all that shit.

I go down there.

There's this store.

It's right down by where the fucking choo-choo train goes down the street there.

And they sell.

It's a fucking shithole.

It's down near the Harris.

It's a liquor store, and you know, it's got all this bullshit in there.

And they got, I always buy, I buy a single, and I just fucking walk around, listen to the music, trying to not make eye contact with the unbelievable amount of shady fucking people in New Orleans.

One of the most shadiest fucking, I can honestly say that, dude.

Like, there is

something wrong with that city in a good way and in a bad way.

I'm telling you.

It's fucking,

I love the city.

Absolutely fucking love it, but it's got some of the shadiest fucking people I've ever seen in my life.

And I'm just not blaming blaming the locals.

The fucking people that show up down there.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I mean, Bourbon Street, like, no young people go there.

You know what I mean?

Going to Bourbon Street is like, that was, I don't know when it stopped being cool.

Somewhere with my generation, but when I go on Bourbon Street, even during the day, the fucking shit show it is.

And I just see these bloated fucking people from my generation with the tramp stamps, the barbed wire, and tribal tattoos going around these fucking guys with these grandmother flabby arms, man.

But you know what it is, dude?

They had kids, you know?

So I was able to stay in show biz because, you know, I ain't no father.

So,

I don't know, but the fucking humanity that I see down there is just, it's just not

fucking ridiculous.

All right, let's

move on here.

Let's talk a little bit of college football.

Fucking, how about LSU, man?

What a game they gave Alabama, man.

That was not a fucking easy game.

No one in Alabama would say, oh, fuck me.

We need fucking gargariri.

That's how everybody in northern Alabama speaks.

It's unbelievable.

When you get down near Auburn, like all of a sudden, people are just speaking eloquently.

You know, ladies, gentlemen, you get to the north, man.

You get north up there.

You know, you start getting close to that Tennessee border.

You don't know what the fuck you're going to run into.

Okay.

Those are crazy people, all right?

Like Power's booth should be in a swamp, you know what I mean?

A little southern comfort up there, you know.

If you get down, you know, Mobile, Alabama, you know, Auburn University,

you know, those are great people.

Mobile, Alabama.

I mean, how many fucking battleships did they build, you know, in World War II?

What the fuck were they doing up in Cribs and Tide Country?

They weren't doing shit.

What were they doing up there, huh?

Fucking looking at their stills.

I'm just fucking with you.

I don't know how the fuck I ended up.

Jesus Christ, look at the fucking cheerleaders on the 49ers.

I'm sorry.

I got the NFL network playing in the background.

I'm watching Colin Kaepernick.

Oh, look at the round!

He almost broke it.

31-20 for the 1-6 San Francisco fucking 49ers.

They're down to the 3-4

New Orleans Saints.

These were great games this week.

You know, I got to tell you,

this is how my weekend goes.

I always watch the fucking Patriots.

All right?

And I always watch the Vern Lundquist Gary Danielson game,

college football.

And then I always watch the Joe Buck Troy Aikman game, plus the Patriots.

I mean, if you fucking do that, there's no way you're not going to like football.

I don't know what this bullshit is about, you know, all these people running away from the fucking game and the games changing.

This is a fucking great game.

This game right here, 31 to 20, right?

It's nine minutes fucking left.

Kaepernick's driving him down the field.

Oh, he gets away.

Fucking hey, drop the fucking ball.

Jesus Christ, 88.

What are you doing?

He's got on a breathe right strip.

He should have on a fucking catch-right strip there.

Hit you right in your fucking hand, you asshole.

921 to go in the third.

If anybody's taping the game, Colin Kaepernick, somehow get the afro underneath the fucking

helmet.

Look at this duck hunter.

Looking at the plays.

This guy looks confused.

All right, they're lining up for the play.

All right, underneath center, call it 34 for fucking 98.

Yeah, yeah, fucking Bravo.

72's the mic.

72s to Mike.

And he's on sight.

They walked away.

They walked away.

What are they doing?

Ah, Jesus Christ.

I thought something exciting was going to happen.

You don't need to look for that.

All right, here we go.

I

barely been watching my Bruins.

I know we beat Tampa Bay.

Then we lost to the fucking Rangers, which I think they've already beaten us twice this year.

And I know Tampa Bay is a legitimate shot to get to the Stanley Cup.

I don't know where the Rangers are at, but I just feel like we're in another middle-of-the-road kind of team.

But when my kitchen is done, when my kitchen is done, and I can get back to my fucking house where

I have all the sports packages, people.

I got the NBA fucking hardcore, whatever the fuck they call it.

I got the NHL Center ice.

I got NFL Sunday ticket.

I watch the Formula One.

This is what the fuck I do.

I have no life.

I watch all of this shit.

I watch college football, you know?

And for whatever reason, my wife leaves me alone and lets me do it, which is probably why I married her.

You know,

that's the deal.

If you want to know if you're with the right woman, order all the sports packages and just see how she fucking handles that.

Um, I gotta tell you, she's had some, she had some people over this week, right?

Some of her relatives and shit, and like it's all women, all fucking ladies, right?

And they're in there watching this Kardashian shit.

So I walk in, there's one TV in the house, and I go, okay, I'm gonna be on my best fucking behavior.

I lasted like, I think I lasted three minutes.

I was what they were watching, keeping up with the Kardashians, and I was literally watching two of them driving on the 405 freeway, talking about nothing.

Like, the bearded guy's going, oh my God, look at that lady.

There's a lady in the car next to her.

She has on a fucking mask.

What the fuck's with her?

And then the other girl's like, I want to get some yogurt.

Let's get some frozen yogurt.

I was like,

Why are you watching this?

And they're like riveted.

They like they, they cannot get enough of it.

You know?

Meanwhile, I'm like three episodes behind.

I'm still on episode two of Westworld.

You know, I've been watching Westworld and I've been watching Atlanta, who Chris Rock said that's the best show on TV.

I think he's a little biased.

You know, I think he was a little fucking lighter-skinned like me.

He'd also like fucking Westworld, but they're both phenomenal.

Phenomenal fucking shows.

Highly recommend both of them.

The way they're shot.

I mean, Atlanta looks like a fucking,

looks like an award-winning movie every single episode, right?

Just some of the shots that they get.

The writing's unbelievable.

And Westworld is just a whole other level for me.

So I got to get caught up with all of that shit.

But enough of my ramblings.

Let's get into some of the

questions here for the week that people have.

You know, I mentioned, you know, all of that topless shit,

like why women want to do it or certain women want to do it.

So like that's coming up again here.

This week.

Let's see.

I guess that's not for a couple here.

Gave you a little teaser there.

All right, Nat Geo, Lee, Leo DiCaprio documentary.

All right.

Nat Geo, that's National Geographic, and Leonardo DiCaprio made this great documentary about climate change, and I think you would love it.

It's free on YouTube until November 6th.

After that, probably cost a few dollars.

If you'd watch it, I'd love to hear your thoughts about it on the podcast.

I gotta be honest with you, I'm terrified to watch it.

I'm terrified to watch all of that because that's the shit that these two fucking dopes that are running for office should be talking about.

And they don't.

They just make fucking commercials about how the other person's an asshole.

But you know what?

I'll check it out.

I'll check it out.

What if I ignore it?

Does that mean it's not happening?

You know something?

I'm going to tweet out the link here.

And you guys can watch it if you want to.

I'm not trying to be that guy fortunes politics down your fucking throat or trying to ruin your fucking avocado and toast sandwich there.

But if you want to watch it, check it out.

All right.

Who is buying million dollar condos in LA?

This is what I asked out here because there is this massive amount of building going on here.

To buy an apartment out, building out here is just so fucking high, it's ridiculous.

Anybody with half a fucking brain is not buying right now because it's all going to fucking crash.

This happens every fucking, it's like a three, four, five year cycle every fucking time.

You can't lose.

There's no way to lose.

You can't fucking lose.

One day you wake up right there, Fred.

You lost.

Go fuck yourself.

And then the smart people then swoop in.

And as you're crying with your pockets turned inside out, they come in and actually pay less than what you paid and less than the market value.

Those are the guys that fucking win.

So here we go.

Bill, the Chinese and other foreign investors are buying up expensive real estate in major U.S.

markets because our currency is more stable than their homelands.

Oh,

okay.

May or may not be another bubble, but definitely makes it so regular folk have a hard time finding a place to live.

Just type Chinese buying into Google and see what it auto-fills.

Go Eagles.

Well, I'm sorry about you, Eagles.

They did play a great game, though.

Dude, how scary is fucking Sprawls?

Oh, my God.

I'm so glad that guy's not in my fucking division.

He almost took, did he take another one back, or he almost took one back?

That's right.

They knocked him out of like the 15-yard line.

He does that every fucking year to the Giants.

It seems, anyways.

All right, well, here's my question.

If that's like a safe thing to do, like, say, the dollar was crashing, and all of a sudden I started buying shit in France, I wouldn't overpay for it.

Or maybe they're crashing so quick they don't give a fuck that they overpay for it.

All right, Chinese,

Chinese.

First thing that comes up is food.

Hang on a second.

What was I supposed to look up?

Chinese buying.

All right, here we go.

Buying.

USEUs say no to Chinese, China buying the world.

Are they buying the world?

China's Daly and Wanda Group buys Dick Clark Productions for $1 billion.

Now, what the, that's, well,

what the fuck is going on there?

There wasn't an American Chinese guy who could have done it.

I'll tell you, we got to keep Dick Clark stuff stuff on this side of the border.

And if elected.

I don't even know what the guy owns.

Wealthy Chinese buyers are

growing force in U.S.

real estate.

All right, this one seems a little bit...

Okay, this is the Washington Post.

This seems a little more tethered here to the ground here.

After a long and painful slide following the real estate collapse in 2008, Seattle's property market is enjoying one of the sharpest rises anywhere in the U.S., buoyed by a rapidly expanding economy that has brought tens of thousands of high-paying jobs to the city.

Real estate values have nearly doubled

since 2009, according to online real estate database Zillow.

Well, is that really credible?

Zillow is not credible, by the way, because I see what they say, what my house is worth and what the fuck I paid for it.

It's not even, they're not right.

All right, yet, while technology billionaires gobbles up real estate

from Puget Sound to Lake Washington, Jim Conlon, a real estate broker,

says the real estate catalyst for

sites for the dramatic upswing can be found in China.

To be honest, Chinese buyers have been flooding this market for the past few years.

Some of them buy homes sight unseen, while others travel here for a kind of real estate tourism and buy real estate after only one viewing.

Oh,

all right.

Well, is that bad?

Why would that be bad?

Like, what exactly could happen if they're buying it all up?

I guess that's driving the price up.

You know,

the banks did it in 2008.

At least these fucking people have money.

You know, it's not like back in the day where you made $40 working in a soup kitchen and they go, hey, you want to buy a fucking house for $400,000?

You qualify.

Do I?

Yeah, sign here.

So that's better than the last thing.

All right.

Well, maybe it isn't a bubble.

All I know is I can't compete with these cunts.

So my dream of buying a

apartment building in LA is rapidly diminishing.

I got an idea.

How about hey, one of you

people, you know, can I invest with you?

Can I take, can I take 15% of the fucking risk?

I'll do that.

Come on, one of you fuckers has got to be listening to this on your Chinese internet.

Are you allowed to do it?

Somebody in Hong Kong?

I've been out there.

I did a fucking show.

Where was you?

All right, Indigo Girls.

All right, hey, Bill.

So when I was growing up, my mom really loved the Indigo Girls.

So did I.

I went to the doctor.

I did something fucking else.

All right.

And she wrote in parentheses.

No, she wasn't a lesbian.

What does that have to do?

Are they lesbians?

I assumed.

I don't know why I thought they were.

You know, I don't know if it was the Woodstock fucking from Peanuts haircut, you know,

that a lot of them favor.

I don't know.

It's really funny how different groups of people, they just favor a haircut like rednecks just love the mullet.

You know what I mean?

Boston psychos for a while, the big thing was to shave, like to have no sideburn and just have the straight line, you know, right above your ear.

Then went to the back to some sort of rat tail.

You know, those people with their fucking shell-toe-adidas, their clatter rings, dude.

So, anyway, so probably the first five concerts I went to were indigo girls.

I specifically remember calling into,

oh, 107.3, WAAF.

I remember that.

WAOF.

Oh, kick-ass rock and roll was W-C-O-Z.

WAAF was out in Worcester.

They used to go, Worcester, Boston.

It's just like, well, what is it?

And they always go, oh, it's Worcester.

In Boston, fucking Massachusetts.

They were actually out in Worcester, if I remember correctly.

Fucking Boston, Massachusetts, kid.

And asking a DJ for tickets to something because I had only ever seen the Indigo Girls.

And he asked if we had a 12-inch sausage in the freezer.

I didn't get it at the time.

I still really really like them, but I don't listen to folk rock that much more anymore.

Can you believe how just openly homophobic and crazy people could be back in the day?

That Indigo Girl singing from the podcast had me belling, laughing at my fucking desk at work to the point where people were giving me dirty look.

Fucking Christ, thank you, man.

Seriously, that was the best.

Yeah, Indigo Girls are great.

That's the only one song that I knew.

Closer I am to find.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I remember that song.

All right.

Feminist fan, get the fuck out of here.

Hey, Bill, I'm a huge fan and a big old feminist.

All right, welcome.

How are you?

My husband played me your epidemic of gold digging horrors bit on our third date, and I went from hating you to almost pissing myself laughing in three seconds.

I would love to know what bit I did that made you hate me.

Or did you just look at me, which I understand.

She said I've been a devoted fan and a podcast listener ever since probably once a month I'll write a very heartfelt and sincere email to you about something you've said but then you make an endearing comment like

uh

Then you make an endearing comment like what the fuck do I know I'm a moron and I realize that I'm also a moron and you're a comedian I shouldn't take things so seriously so I delete the email and move on Yeah, you know, that's called being an adult me knowing that I'm a fucking dope, and then you realizing that I admitted that I was a dope, so then you don't have to be all fucking taking shit seriously.

Was that two intellectual people with all the F-words in there?

All right.

She said, But with this election, I still feel I have to write in.

Oh, you soft-pedaling son of a bitch.

You just waltzed me around the worm room.

You got me all warm and fuzzy.

Now here comes the fucking right up the fucking yeah, I get here.

Comes the uppercut.

But with this election stuff, I feel like I have to write in.

Okay, I totally get where you're coming from on how corrupt the Clintons are.

This is what every Clinton support.

I get it.

She's the devil.

Having said that, now I'm going to talk 50 minutes about how fucked up Trump is.

They're both fucking horrific.

Anyways, she goes.

And she goes, okay, all right, let me start.

Let me at least give her the chance to fucking say her opinion here before I fucking jump back up on my pasty soapbox here.

She said, I totally get where you're coming from on how corrupt the Clintons are and how fucked up the whole system is and that the Illuminati is probably pulling the strings either way.

Well, I'm fucking around when I say that.

I just think people are

getting a little nuts when they get a lot of power.

Anyways, but on major things you seem to care about, like the environment and corporate influence on politics, Trump is on the opposite side of the spectrum for you.

As is Hillary Clinton.

As is Obama.

What the fuck did Obama ever do?

What if Democrats or Republicans?

They don't do fucking shit.

They don't do anything about any of that fucking uh

any of this shit that's going on out there they don't do anything because they need all of their fucking money so stop with this fucking they wearing light blue and they care about the butterflies Hillary Clinton doesn't give a flying fuck about anything

but what other next price of zillion dollar real estate she can park her fucking corrupt twat on oh that felt good right if old orange if that orange wigged cunt doesn't get there first

Whew, okay, it's like Clinton is a mechanic that's been working on your car for years and the car runs, but there's always some issue with it.

And even though she'll throw in a free air frisker now and then, she's always pulling shit like getting you to replace your shocks you need to.

I don't know anything about cars, so I'm hoping this analogy makes sense.

I'm trying to relate to you.

So you're like, fuck it.

I'm not going with Clinton anymore.

I think I kind of get what you're saying there, but you're really oversimplifying this, as does everybody when they're defending the person that they're going to vote for.

I just want you as a fucking human being to just say that Hillary Clinton, you know, is a horrific choice, the same way Trump is.

They're fucking horrific choices, no matter how you slice it, you know.

The best thing you can say about Clinton is she's not Trump,

right?

And the best thing you can say about Trump is at least she's not Clinton.

I mean, to be honest with you, they're fucking, they're animals.

Sorry.

But then Trump is some dude on your block who has three rusted-out cars in his backyard.

No, he isn't.

He's constantly defaulting on debt.

No, he doesn't.

And none of his neighbors have anything nice to say about him.

He went bankrupt like three, four times.

He took advantage of the bankruptcy laws, which is totally fucking legal.

He's always talking about every professional mechanic is a swindling asshole.

I'll give you that.

And he tells you to leave your car with him.

All right, but what you're leaving out of all of this is that

Hillary Clinton acts like she gives a shit about you.

As do all Democrats.

They act like they give a fuck.

Most of them don't.

Most of them are no different than the Republicans.

And that's not even because they're bad fucking people.

It's because they're all grossly underfucking paid.

All right?

And most of them, their careers die way before they ever even make it into the Senate.

In the Senate, you only make a couple hundred grand a year.

Now, what the fuck are you going to do?

So what they do is, is they take all these people's money.

Okay?

They get themselves elected.

And then after they're fucking out of office, and while they're in office, they hook up whatever fucking in the private sector

investments they have.

Like, all the, like, I forget what the percentage is like of senators.

They make a couple hundred grand a year.

They think they're all multi-fucking millionaires.

They're all corrupt pieces.

I just can't buy into this fantasy that these Democrats give a fuck, at least, not these two.

I give, I believe that Obama cares more about the average individual than Donald Trump, without a doubt.

And Hillary Clinton.

She doesn't give a shit.

Oh, she doesn't give a fuck.

Come on.

All right, whatever.

Let's read the rest of this.

And it tells you,

so I get why you wouldn't like Clinton, and I agree we liberals can be self-righteous and annoying, okay?

And I think you're just baiting us with the Clinton-Trump equivalency stuff, but I love you.

Well, no, that's you because you're so into Clinton.

I fucking hate Hillary Clinton.

You know, and if everything Clinton Trump did, if he just took out the racism,

I wouldn't think he was as bad as Clinton.

But the fact that he's racist, you know, and just attracts those fucking people is that's the big rub.

That's the only thing.

But I am not snowed

on any level by slick Willie or this fucking idiot.

I really do not like them.

So I'm not just doing this.

Anyways, she said, but I love you, Bill, and I love America, and I don't have a helicopter to escape if Trump is elected.

Well, you'd need one too if Hillary is.

Hillary's just going to do you like the direction the country's going in because she is gonna be more of the same.

She's gonna be more of the fucking same.

Whatever.

What the fuck do I know?

Whatever.

Vote for whoever the fuck you wanna vote for, but please don't try to fucking

anyways.

Love your lots.

Please vote for Hillary, you knuckle-dragging troglodyte.

I don't even know what that means.

Yeah, I don't know.

I think like the level of panic that people have if Trump is elected, I get that, but I just wish there was the same amount of panic that then it's gonna, that's gonna be Hillary.

You know what I mean?

I mean, neither one of them have talked about global warming.

Neither one of them talked about the population problem.

They haven't even addressed the heroin epidemic in this country created allegedly by the pharmaceutical companies.

None of them talked about that shit.

They don't give a fuck.

They ain't gonna do shit.

They're just gonna keep making sure whoever, whichever one of them makes it into the presidency, only thing that's gonna change is that whoever wins is then going to become even more wealthy.

Because Trump's just going to green light any fucking golf course or some bullshit he wants to do, right?

I don't know.

I'm so in over my head with this politics shit.

But I also, you know, one of the things about being a stand-up comedian and traveling, you get to know people and you know when people are fucking assholes, okay?

You know,

and these two, you know, I don't, I don't know.

I just, this is a whole other level.

This is a whole other fucking level.

All right.

I really feel like I fucking annoyed the the shit out of all you guys.

Just keep going.

Okay, we get it, Bill.

We get it.

All right, here we go.

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I'll blow through these, and I got a few more questions.

I swear to God, they won't be political.

I really feel like I'm starting to be like Lenny Bruce, like reading the fuck, but I don't even have a legal pad or any facts in front of me.

People, vote who you want to fucking vote for.

All right, just do that, okay?

And then I'll shut the fuck up.

I won't.

I'll probably be making jokes about it on

Clinton, on Conan.

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Hey, all you Hillary supporters, where the fuck were you when fucking Bernie Sanders were around?

You guys all fucking pussied out.

And you just got another fucking corrupt fucking cunt in there.

And I would say cunt too if it was a guy.

So get your fucking tits in a fucking...

Don't get your tits in a bunch now.

Alright, yoga lunatic maniac.

Dear old Billy Red Tits, did you happen to catch the latest episodes of HBO's Real Sports with Brian Gumble?

No, I didn't.

I normally don't watch on a regular basis, but felt compelled to check it out after hearing about this yoga guy on the Howard Stern Show.

Apparently, this nut job is the founder/slash creator of Bikram Yoga named after himself, which is done all over the world and seems like it's got a crazy cult following.

Basically, people travel all over the world and spend over $10,000 to take his classes because they believe he is some sort of spiritual leader.

Now, allegations are coming out against him that he's sexually abused a bunch of his students and made all sorts of derogatory remarks.

People cannot handle positions of power.

You know?

You can't have this guy, everybody listening to what he's saying, and a bunch bunch of people bending over in front of him.

He's gonna take his dick out.

I mean, how did you not see that coming?

Anyways, he told Andrea Kramer, who conducted the interview, Why would I have to harass women?

People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm.

He said that.

Holy shit.

That's some of the greatest shit talk ever.

If that's fucking true.

What did she say?

He said, why would I have to harass women?

People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm.

Oh my God, did he fucking drop his lapel mic and walk off the set?

And when asked about whether he harassed a particular woman, he said, of course not.

I would never even piss on her face.

She's a psychopath.

This is a yoga instructor?

This guy sounds like an assistant coach.

He also said, it sounds like a gym teacher.

He also said he's a million times smarter than any doctor, and that every doctor in the world comes to him.

Yeah, this guy sounds like Donald Trump if he fucking ran a yoga class.

Donald Trump's got to put this guy on his ticket.

I grab the pussies.

He pisses in their face.

Trump Bickram 2017.

This guy seems like he's a little out of his tree.

Just wanted to hear what old Freckles has to say about this.

I posted some links to the story/slash video below.

Oh, it's on the Huffington Post.

I don't go to that website.

Those guys, I don't know, they're fucking weird, man.

They always act like they're this really big, like,

credible news source.

And then, if you just look at the shit they have, you know, top 10 fucking celebrity nose jobs in the quarter.

Thanks and go fuck yourself.

I'll look for those links.

I'm not going to that website, though.

Jesus Christ, what a fucking lunatic.

I got to see that, man.

Great interview, huh?

As far as like, you know, he's going to give you the quotes.

And as much as people at Bryant Gumbel's Real Sports were appalled,

they were secretly high-fiving each other for the fucking ratings that that was going to get.

He said,

I got to go back.

What the fuck, these?

Why do I have to harass women?

People spend $1 million for a drop of my sperm.

Yeah, that's what happens when people fly around the fucking world to come to your yoga class.

People go crazy.

They can't fucking handle it.

Girlfriend of seven years dumped me.

Hey, Bill, my girlfriend of seven years dumped me two months after she moved to Connecticut for graduate school.

She didn't use those exact words, but

she told me she needed time to think because something is missing in our relationship and she needs time to figure out what it is.

Well, dude, you've been with her for fucking seven years, man.

I mean, who minds to talk?

I was with Nia for nine years before we got married, but

we were on the same page as we were both terrified to fucking make that leap.

Anyways, I'm not a mind reader, but if someone has been with you for seven years and they need the time to think about whether they still want to be with you, that's not a good sign.

Yes, your instincts are correct, I would say.

Since I had this conversation with her, I have been absolutely devastated and depressed.

I'm ashamed to admit this, but the other night I found myself on my bedroom floor crying in the fetal position.

Well, that's totally normal.

And it's also, it's a healthy thing to do.

Cry it out of you.

Don't drink it out of you or fucking jump off a balcony.

Those are dumb shit that men do.

All right?

Women get down on the floor, cry in the fetal position.

I think that's why they live longer.

If it was socially acceptable for us to do it, so please continue doing that.

It's a valid human emotion that both men and women have that men fight.

Yeah, fucking cry it out of you.

Good for you.

Very mature thing to do.

You should not feel ashamed at all.

He said, I understand that time heals all wounds, but I have no idea how to how to start the process of getting over this.

Do what you're doing.

Cry it out of you, and then

call your best friend and just say, listen, dude, I'm embarrassed to say this, but I'm fucking devastated.

I'm over here crying like a little girl.

I got to get me out of the house, man.

Take me for a fucking walk like a dog.

Just can get some fresh air.

Anyways, he said, to keep my mind off her, I try to stay busy by going to the gym and focusing on hobbies, but I can't seem to shake this miserable feeling.

How would you handle this situation if you were in my shoes?

I would accept the fact that it's going to hurt, okay?

And that you're not going to be able to just go to the gym and take a pottery class and forget a woman that you loved for seven years.

What you have to do is understand that it's going to hurt for a while.

And you have to, rather than run from the pain, sit in it, cry your way through it, and then go to the fucking gym.

and you know

The crying thing's gonna last for a little while and once you get through that Then just try you know even during the crying time I try to do I'm gonna do something positive today.

I'm gonna do the dishes You know, just do little things that are on a list, you know, and then while you're doing that just start making a list of How you want to come out of this

Do you want to come out of this ship?

This shit.

Yeah, literally this shit 20 pounds heavier or do you you want to come out like 10 pounds lighter?

Because you've been going to the gym,

you know?

Do you want to come out of this hating women or hopeful that

you're with the wrong person

and

you have a whole new opportunity to meet somebody great?

You know, you didn't have any kids.

You weren't married.

It's a fucking nice clean breakup.

You know?

You can totally rebuild your fucking life where you can have the greatest fucking life ever.

And And then one day you're going to run into her.

She's going to see how fucking happy you are.

And it's the fucking moment that you're going to want to be like, yeah, huh?

You see that?

I'm happy.

Look at me and my car and my family.

And you know what?

If you're truly happy,

you're not going to have that, hey, fuck you thing to her.

You're going to be like, hey, how are you?

I hope you're happy.

You know?

And in your head, you'll be like the greatest thing that ever happened is you fucking left me.

Because now you dude, you're older, you're wiser, you're going through this fucking thing.

Now you're going to really figure out what you like.

I'm telling you, this will end up being the greatest thing that happened to you.

But the thing is, you got to, you can't be a guy here and try to fucking block out the pain.

You got to fucking just sit in it.

You know, just fucking go through all of your shit that you bought together that makes you cry and all that shit.

Cry.

Put it on Craigslist.

Get it the fuck out of there.

You know?

Get through all of that and then maybe just get rid of the shit that you got you move to a new fucking place just fucking start over and then when you meet broads in a fucking bar you just tell them what's going on with you just got out of this seven-year thing it was fucking devastating but i'm totally hopeful you know i want to meet somebody great and they're always like oh my god that's nice they're attracted to it next thing you know you're drinking ipas you're getting fucking blow jobs with women you're not in a relationship with look at that the clouds apart all right All of that shit is in your future, but you got to go through the fucking pain first.

All right?

That's it.

If you were a car, you're a fucking barn fine right now.

They haven't even fucking fucking sprayed you off and got the rat shit out of you.

You just got to deal with that right now.

But the best thing you can do is not bury this shit.

The reason why women do so well is because they're allowed to cry.

They can cry in front of their fucking friends.

They can talk this shit out and they can get past it.

We don't.

We fucking carry it and carry it and carry it.

And it affects other relationships.

If you truly want to fucking get past this thing, you got to go through the pain of it.

That's what the fucking I, that's what I learned all the fucking times I got dumped.

All right.

Good luck to you, sir.

Go fuck yourselves to the rest of you.

I'll check in on you on Thursday.

That is it.

And good luck with the voting, everybody.

May the best piece of shit win.

What's up, everybody?

Welcome back to the Anything Better podcast NFL edition for week number eight with your hosts, hosts, me, Paul Versey over here, Bill Burr over there.

He's actually going to have his picks recorded this week.

He talked about them.

He made his picks, and you will see that.

But Bill is hosting SNL this week, so he will not be on the whole show.

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We got Jake the Snake with the injury reports.

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I don't want to brag.

But

the kid crawled out of a big hole.

Now, I'm not saying anything because there's a lot of season to be played.

Is there a chance I don't beat the book for the fourth straight year?

There is a chance.

But the kid was down eight early.

We had to have a players meeting and do all that stuff.

And right now, I went three and one again.

I think my record in October, obviously, there were no losses in October as far as going under 500 or under a week.

But I think I am now sitting at 19 and 17 going into this week's picks.

This week, there's a lot of interesting games.

But of course, before we get into that, we have to bring in the anything better

injury report analyst, Jake the Snake from a disclosed area.

Nobody knows, actually.

We don't know where.

I guess I'm thinking it might be middle of the country or west coast.

Nobody really knows where Jake is because he's working on this all week.

Jake, what do we got?

What injuries are we looking at this week, bud?

Well, the big injury for sure is Jack Prescott just isn't going to be out for four to six weeks.

So we won't won't be seeing him maybe for the rest of the season at this point because it looks like the cowboys could be done and i was just looking at cee d lamb he let's see if he practiced he practiced yesterday so he may be back out there and then for the eagles since they play the cowboys aj brown got injured uh against the jaguars last week but he's back at practice so he might be back out there for tonight um the bengals looks like t higgins is out again um so that's another big injury for the Bengals.

And then just figured out this morning that Trevor Lawrence will unlikely be playing against the Vikings this week.

So that number has shifted substantially.

So those are kind of the big ones.

We can go to some others as this goes on.

So Trevor Lawrence is out for how long?

Unclear.

The report's just that he's unlikely to play this week.

It looks like it must be a new injury he got against the Eagles last week.

Jake, that's why you're the best in the business, buddy.

That's why you're the best in the business.

ESPN.

ESPN is foaming at the mouth to get you, but we're not letting you go.

All right.

Andrew, can I bring you in here for a second?

I want to talk to you, the Greek freak.

You guys are going to be hearing from Bill Burr and his picks today.

He put in his picks.

And

these are the up-to-date lines.

Andrew, these lines.

These lines are all over the place this week.

But let's talk about everybody's record.

Can we talk about everybody's record?

Because what, guys, what you guys don't know is even though me and Bill, even though it's mine and Bill's pick show, so to speak, Andrew Themless and Jake the Snake do their picks.

And I believe

I went three and one, making my record 19 and 17 for the year.

Then we have

Bill's at 14 and 22.

Bill's at 14 and 22, so he's six games back.

You're at 19

and 17.

Okay.

Yeah, don't catch Andrew going 4-0 last week down there.

I gotta talk about that.

Look, dude, look at you guys.

Andrew 4-0.

giving him a 20 giving him 20 wins for the year so far and then look at jake the snake jake the snake 16 and 20.

yeah i started off really bad in the beginning of the year but i'm i'm coming back i'm coming back well i think i think what it is is we kind of had a couple 0-4s and 1-3s yeah listen i i opened i opened one and uh 0-4 yeah my first three weeks my first three weeks of this season was

0-4, 1-3, 1-3.

That's how I went into week number four.

But you know what, everybody?

You keep your head down and you fuck it.

You get back in the game.

You pick yourself up off the ground.

I am going to go Thursday night.

That's right.

I'm going to go Thursday night

in a few hours, actually.

I am going to take

the Cincinnati Bengals getting six points in Baltimore.

I think Cincinnati kind of hit a stride.

I think if their season is going to stay alive, I don't necessarily know if they win this game, but I think this game is going to be a fight.

I think a lot of people think the Ravens are going to just take it by a touchdown or more.

I don't.

I think Joe Burrow and them are going down for business, and I think that they are going to definitely have those six points.

I definitely think that the six points will cover.

So I will take Joe Burrow and the semi-surging Cincinnati Bengals.

Getting six points.

Hey, what's up, everybody?

Bill Burr.

Busy this week, so I got to do them quick.

I'm going to take the Ravens, lay in, I think, six against the Bengals.

I like the

who else did I like?

The Buccaneers getting six against the 49ers at home.

And I like

the Vikings, whoever the hell they're playing.

And I like the Lions.

Those are my picks.

I'm swinging in the dark here.

I've been

traveling

and then I've been rehearsing.

So I don't even know what's going on.

This is my housewife picks of the week.

All right, this is it.

We're about to go on the ground and I'm going to lose you.

All right, those are my picks.

Paul, if we have any overlap, but there was something you really wanted, I stay away.

I try to stay away from the teams that you like.

Although I did take the Lions, I know you like them every week.

So if we got to do a little trade here, I'm okay with that.

All right.

Next week, it'll be back to normal.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, we got a little head-to-head.

and we got a little head-to-head on the first game of the week, which is tonight, which is awesome.

Six points, that should be fun.

All right.

Now, for my second pick, this is

another game that I think is going to be close.

I think this is going to be a fight.

I know the Detroit Lions are probably, I would say, either the first or second best team in the league.

I think you'd have to say that the Lions and the Kansas City Chiefs are pretty much,

by the way, the Kansas City Chiefs, it's

if you don't if you don't blow them out you're just not going to beat them if you're in a tight game with them in the fourth quarter it's they're just some way somehow and as much as i hate to say this that's what championship teams do and the deandre hopkins edition is like it fit like a glove already two touchdowns dude the can in order to beat the kansas city chiefs you have to beat the shit out of the kansas city chiefs to have a to have a shot so i really do think it's them and the lions in a collision course

right now.

But another team that I thought could go to the Super Bowl, and they were my Super Bowl pick, I believe,

is the Texans.

And it's a three and a half point line.

I can see the Lions winning this game on the road by a field goal, but I like the half a point, and I could see the Texans fighting this.

So

I'm going to take the Texans.

Wait, is CJ Stroud healthy?

he's okay so cj stroud's healthy but the big news is will nico collins his number one excuse me his number one receiver return uh he's been on ir the last four weeks but they're saying that he could return this week but they're not sure yet and then their top defensive guy will anderson those are the two kind of injuries to look out for but um but cj stroud will be out there and um that's gonna be one of my picks too yeah i think nico collins i think nico collins is gonna come back uh is that a monday night game or is that sunday sunday night game is the prime time sunday night game sunday night game it gives nico collins more time um

obviously i'm going to take this assuming he's coming back but they're saying it's likely i'm going to take the houston texans at home three and a half uh against the on-fire lions team but i like to have a point so give me that in houston Oh, look at this.

This might be the first time in the history of the Anything Better podcast NFL edition that me and Bill have gone head to head on not one, but two games.

He's going Lions.

All right.

I like that.

I like that fun.

We're going to have a lot of fun with that.

Like I said, that one is, that one I really took.

If I'm being honest with people listening and following my picks, it's the half a point that I like

in this pick.

Okay, for my third pick for week number 10.

This is where things get tricky.

This is where I don't love.

This is where lions are kind of perfect.

I I think the eight and a half with the Chiefs is perfect, but I'm going to do something here.

I didn't think I was going to do because this is against another team that's doing very well in the Washington Commanders.

I'm going to take the Pittsburgh Steelers getting points on the road.

I just think,

I just think that the Steelers are just having that, you know, they're the Steelers, man.

Games they're supposed to lose.

They win.

They're always 500 or better around this time.

They're always always in games.

Russell Wilson, right?

It's still going to be what?

Russell Wilson against this.

Russell Wilson.

Russell Wilson is not playing bad.

He kind of got the, like, he kind of solidified the job.

And the Steelers have a good defensive line.

They're well coached.

I'm just going to take the Steelers.

Look, anytime I see the Steelers getting points against, I mean, I know he's a great quarterback, Jaden Daniels.

But he's a rookie quarterback, and he's going against a good defensive line in the NFL.

And that defensive line is getting points.

That's why I will take the Pittsburgh Steelers with my third pick of the week.

I think that's a smart pick.

That's a really smart pick.

All right.

And the Steelers also traded for Mike Williams.

We'll see if he plays this week.

They what?

The Steelers, what?

Traded for Mike Williams this week.

For the Jets?

Yep.

The trade deadline was Tuesday, I believe.

So there were a couple of minor moves like that.

Yeah, they go Sunday or Monday morning, yeah.

You know, something I wanted to talk about on the show today

was uh i didn't talk to bill about this yet because we didn't talk about the nfl trade deadline but something i want to talk about is not only you know did the giants do nothing but it doesn't seem like they're really making any kind of roster the giants aren't doing anything which tells me something and what it tells me is i think the new york football and i'm not mad at this but

The New York football Giants will not tank just based on their ownership and tradition.

And it's something that like the entire Giants organization is against.

But I, so I don't think they're going to tank, but I don't think that they're going to, I think they're just going to play with the personnel that they have and see where the, you know, where the chips may fall or whatever they say.

Let the dust settle after that.

But

I think the Giants and Cam Ward, I'm hoping Cam Ward from the

Miami Hurricanes.

Again, Daniel Jones, I don't think he's horrible.

I think Daniel Jones's time has just kind of come and gone in six years between injuries, between having happy feet because of his neck and because of the offensive line

ruined him.

I think I think that he's just, I think it might be time.

I think the Giants know it, and I think the Giants are just going to play with not great personnel until the draft.

But

make no mistake, if Cam Ward is in this uniform, it's going to be pretty, I'm going to be excited about it.

But zero Giants moves

during the trade deadline.

Yeah,

it sounds like they're going to do what the Broncos did with Russell Wilson last year, where they're just going to cut bait and just eat the rest of the salary.

And then there's not a lot of teams that need quarterbacks at the top of the draft.

So you guys could definitely get a Cam Ward or Shador or whoever else is down there.

Yeah.

So I think that's

the right move at the end of the day.

I think at the end of the day, I think Daniel Jones, I mean, nobody had his back more than me, the same way I had Eli's back, but I do think that this year for them to just not,

for them to, and granted the personnel around them, but for them to just not do anything with him, I think the Daniel Jones time,

it's like one of those deals where you call him in the office and you're like, dude, we love you.

You're a good kid.

Didn't work out here.

You know, you could still go on and do something else.

Look at Geno Smith.

Geno Smith was dead in the water for years and years of his career.

And then now he's kind of settled in as a starting quarterback for years with Seattle.

Maybe that happens to Daniel Jones.

I do think having a shitty line fucking freaked you out.

Freaked him out a bit.

You saw that stat about

what transpired in between Daniel Jones throwing touchdowns at home.

Yeah.

It was

Mahomes won two Super Bowls between the

last time because Jones threw like I think he threw his first touchdown last week.

No, he threw no, he threw a couple.

He threw a couple at home last week.

Yeah, yeah.

And that was the first time he had thrown one since two Chiefs Super Bowls ago.

Is that right?

No.

Yeah, they said they won.

First time in like two years, he's thrown a touchdown pass at home.

Yeah, so it was like they won two Super Bowls.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's just weird.

And he plays different on the road, which is not a really good sign.

Like, I mean, it's okay, but it's just like the fact that he's the fact that he's better on the road and he's getting booed by his own fans at home and they're waiting to heck.

It's just one of those deals where it was like six years went by and something needs to happen.

Um, but listen, if that means we cut him loose and we have a great draft pick, we have Malik neighbors, we have a good defense, I think we're a piece or two away from being good.

But look, if that's wishful thinking, it is what it is.

Okay,

all right, Bill, Bill picking the Bucks and Baker, dude, the Bucks are good, though.

They're like the Bucks are in, the Bucs are in every game.

I mean, I was in,

I was in Toronto watching it at the hotel bar, and like, they just went head to head with the Chiefs.

And then, of course, you know, what happens with the Chiefs happens with the Chiefs, but the Bucks are a good team.

I like that pick.

All right.

I quickly, I forgot.

I should have mentioned this earlier, but Christian McCaffrey is supposed to be back for that game.

Okay.

All right.

Christian McCaffrey back.

Minus.

Mike Evans is still out, right?

Sorry, who'd you say?

Mike Evans.

Mike Evans, he's still out, right?

Oh,

yeah, I believe so.

That's a serious injury.

Listen,

I think the Bucs coming off a loss.

The Bucs coming off a loss.

They're a good team and they're home getting six.

Even if the Niners win, I kind of like his pick.

Okay,

now

fourth to final pick.

I'm not going to lie, I'm picking this one really on the fly.

I mean, a lot of times I pick games on the fly during the show, but this one is really like

not a shot in the dark, but this one is,

look, oh, man.

Where's he going with this one?

Where's he going with this one?

I'm trying to look at the worst game on the board to like pick.

I'm like, Tanya, I'm like, is Paul just going to go with the Falcons?

I was thinking Falcons, but I'm going to take a team.

I really don't like

this half a point.

But I'm going to take Jake the Snake's team.

I'm going to take the Chargers to beat the shit out of the Titans.

Like,

I'm looking at a, I'm hoping it's like, I'm going to say 31, 17.

I think it starts ugly for them.

Maybe the Titans get a late field goal or a late touchdown to make it look respectable.

But the Chargers at home, Jim Harbaugh, I mean, they should win this game.

They should win this game by 14 or more, I think.

But you never know.

Every time you think that, you could get screwed.

Maybe that half a point kills me, seven and a half, but I'm going to take the Chargers.

I've taken, look, I took a lot of dogs, right?

I took the Texans was a dog.

I took the Steelers or a dog.

I took the Bengals or a dog.

So I got three dogs.

I got three dogs, which is rare for me.

And I'm going to, I'm going to go with a heavy favorite.

I'm going to go with an over touchdown favorite.

I'm going to go with the Chargers.

I always kind of like the Chargers.

I like Jim Harbaugh.

And let's be honest, the Tennessee Titans haven't done anything this year to make you go, oh, they're good.

So that'll be my fourth and final pick for week number 10.

It's one of my picks, too.

And

you said completely, I completely agree with you.

And

yeah, the should emphasis on should win by 14.

I feel that.

And then the seven and a half is a little scary.

You verbalized my thoughts exactly.

So the Titans just don't even have a, they don't even have like,

and Jake's.

favorite thing to point at garbage time points.

Loves pointing out the garbage time points.

No disrespect, but Jake likes to point out the garbage time points, like anytime we're texting during the games.

And I feel like that's why the Chargers are going to win.

I don't see the Titans putting up, you know, getting that like, oh, they were up by 10, but then they got that field goal.

Like, I don't even really see that.

The Chargers aren't that weak.

And they're coming on a big win on the road, which they always do well on the road.

But yeah, so

who did they beat?

Who did they beat?

Titans beat the last trade last week.

Yeah.

Overtime.

I look at it like this.

This is one of those games where I won't watch it, but I hope to look at my phone when I look at scores.

And what comes to mind is just like 31-17 final, and that's it.

Uh, I that's what I, when I see that, that's what I think.

The Chargers beat the Browns last week, if that's what you're asking.

Oh, I was sorry, I was asking, yeah, the Chargers,

yeah,

yeah, yeah.

No, I'm not, I'm not really worried.

And who's starting quarterback for the Titans right now?

It was Mason Rudolph last week.

I imagine that's going to continue.

He's not,

yeah, yeah, I didn't see them announce anybody else.

yeah chargers defense isn't that bad right jake well technically they're number one in in scoring defense i'm not going to say that the best defensive football but um i'll they're they played really well this year for sure

dude bill loves the bill has loved sam darnold and the vikings this whole season um but you know what no trevor lawrence the we got to point out we got to point out that the line has moved but we do all our picks we keep the the lines as of

a particular time.

Bill made his picks with the Vikings at minus four and a half.

Since Trevor Lawrence is out, as Jake pointed out before the show, that line moved to seven.

So we have to honor the four and a half that Bill picked it at.

I like, hey, look, it is what it is.

It is what it is.

When it gets recorded, it gets recorded.

So if that benefits, great.

Sometimes it'll hurt us and sometimes it won't.

I hope it helps Bill, but he's liked the Vikings and Sam Donald the whole year.

So there you guys go.

Those are bills picks um which are the uh let's just reiterate can you put those up again bill has the ravens bill has the lions bill has the buccaneers bill has the vikings and i am taking the

i am taking the chargers i am taking the bengals i am taking the texans and i am taking the steelers um so there you go those are our picks for week number 10 everybody But of course, on the podcast, we have to do the Monday night special.

Did we hit the Monday night special or did we not?

We hit it.

We hit the Monday night special.

I hear Bill singing Monday Night Special.

It was Bucks Plus Nine

and then TDs

from

both QBs.

I wish Bill was here to sing it now because, but you know what?

Ever since Bill stopped singing the song, because I hear his voice in my head head singing it, that's why I won't sing it.

But ever since Bill stopped it and said, look, maybe it's the song, we've hit, I think, three or four out of the 10 weeks this year since he hasn't sang it.

So I hope I didn't just jinx anything.

But there you guys go, man.

Ride with us on it.

We hit another special this week.

for Monday night football.

It is the Miami Dolphins, the reeling, the reeling Miami Dolphins versus the los angeles rams uh it's basically you know what i always say is basically a pick'em is basically a pick'em it's one point it's a flip of a coin whose uniforms do you like better whose colors um

i don't know dude i i don't know the the nice thing about this is you got a 50 50 shot with this line because it is like a pick'em because somebody has to win by one can we talk about the over-under on this game

what is the under over on this game because i always say it the opposite of D.

Oof, that's a big number.

50.

Now, can I just say something?

Yeah.

The Dolphins did look pretty good last week, like in the sense that they moved the ball, right?

I'm not saying that they're going to play, you know, and the Bills, maybe it was a look ahead.

I don't know.

I mean, it's a division.

They should have played maybe better.

But

Dolphins didn't look terrible.

The Rams have been looking pretty good, but

do you see anybody putting up 25 points?

Do you see both teams putting up 25 points or somebody putting up, you know, 35 and the other team putting up?

I just, I don't know.

I don't know.

I think that's a,

I think that's a

here's the deal.

The reason why, the reason why, the reason why I think this is my opinion, why the line, I mean, why the underover is so high is because both of these teams play in good weather.

This is in Los Angeles.

I don't think weather is a factor.

I think, like you said, Miami finding a way to, and listen, this is a kind of a big game for Miami because if Miami loses this game,

it's kind of bad.

Like, they're really like, I mean, what's their record right now?

What's Miami's record?

I think they only have four wins.

No, it wouldn't be four and four.

It'd be four and five.

I think they only have three closer to three wins.

Yeah, what are they?

Then six?

Oh, two, two and six.

Very similar.

Yeah, they're two and six.

Okay, yeah, that makes more sense.

Two and six.

Two and six means, you know, two and six means they're going to play so desperate.

They're going to call all the stops.

This is flea flicker time.

This is like, you know, Tua needs to.

Look, I just

the Rams are four and four, too.

I mean, it's a big game for both teams.

No, that's what Niners are getting healthy.

You know, you got to keep up with them in the division.

That's what I'm saying.

But, like, this is basically, you know, this could be jobs could be on the line with this game.

This could be, be, you know, this is a season.

If Miami ends up going there and really having a spark and then all of a sudden they're three and six and go on a run, you never know.

I don't know.

But

I think the Rams at home.

The Rams at home.

I mean, look, I'd go under.

I would go under just to test it if you wanted to do that.

We can go under.

We could do, we can do a tease, whatever you guys think.

I was thinking, you know,

your your record is.

Two touchdown passes, Rams under.

That's where I'd put my money.

Yeah.

And look, Bill Parcells always said something.

You know what he said?

Bill Parcells always said, you really are what your record is.

People always go, well, if this one thing wouldn't have happened, but it did happen.

That's when you're like, you know, I did that with the, you know, I did that with the Yankees and Dodgers.

Well, if they would have done, but they did do it.

They did do it.

So just because you drop a ball and you're like, if you caught it, but if that's what you were doing all year, God, I'm still so fucking pissed about that.

Anyway,

yeah, let's take the Rams.

The Rams are a better team.

I think the Rams are a better team.

They're at home.

It's basically a pick'em with one point.

So let's do Rams, Stafford to throw to

and under 50 points.

Let's hope it's like a,

you know, a third, I don't know, what, what would you say?

A 28 to 20 game and we win like that, you know, there you go.

So, um

yeah let's do that so we'll do we'll do rams we'll do rams we'll do stafford to throw two

and we'll do um

under 50 for the uh over under

did the rams get rid of anybody did the rams make any moves at the deadline

no

well oh they did trade one of their corners but um but yeah not not really any major moves um

I think them getting Puka back and he got ejected early in that Seattle game.

I think that's like in their mind, like their move.

Like, now we're getting one of our best receivers back for the stretch run here.

And they obviously have Cooper Copp.

And look, four and four is not that bad.

If you end up winning the next two, if you end up winning the next two and you're six and four, all of a sudden you're the talk of the second half of the season.

So, and I've seen that happen before.

All right.

Well, there you guys have it.

It's about four to one.

It's about in the money on that.

Two touchdowns under Rams.

It's maybe just like a little over four to one.

yeah yeah i mean that's depends on where you get it what were the odds from last week when we hit do you remember that or too far back i always say because of the state that i'm in it doesn't allow me to properly have the exactly but i think i think we were around three to one two and a half three to one on that one it was it was kind of low uh a little lower because of um

you know Three to one still,

you know?

Oh, yeah.

It's all good.

And listen, guys, you gotta, I'm not telling you what to do.

Obviously, the Anything Better podcast tells you guys to really honestly bet responsibly and don't go nuts.

That's why, you know, we have fun with this.

Nobody's putting like, you know, mortgage money down on this shit.

Have a have a great time and be, you know, but that being said, I mean, you got to ride the hot hand.

I mean, we've been hitting these Monday night specials.

Um, I think we are one Monday night special away from our record, and it's only week 10.

So I think if we hit one more Monday night special, we have the anything better record.

And

yeah, and we're kind of rolling.

So, and listen,

even though you guys go on me and Bill's picks, check out these guys.

These guys are doing well too.

All right, there you have it, guys.

Make sure you guys download the BetMGM app.

to get $1,500 in bonus bets.

You just place your first bet.

You got to put as much as $10 in the account to get $1,500

if your bet does lose.

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And

that will be done after your first wager is settled.

And don't forget the first touchdown contest, which is really cool.

You bet on an NFL player, a prop bet on an NFL player in any NFL game to score the first touchdown of the game.

And if that person does, you win.

If that person doesn't, but they score the second touchdown, you win,

which is a great thing.

Bet responsibly.

Those are our picks.

And that's it.

You guys have anything else?

You guys want to add anything?

What are we doing here?

Favorites went 13 and one last week.

So we'll see if that trend continues.

Well, look, I'm kind of, yeah, favorites won a lot last week.

I was, I kind of went with the favorites.

This week, Paulie is opposite.

I'm going three dogs and one favorite, which is not something I usually do.

So we got to see what happens with the Steelers.

There's three stayaway games this week, I think.

Personally, Falcons and Saints.

I mean, the Saints, what?

They lost six in a row.

And the Falcons somehow cover games, but the Saints need to win.

So why would you touch that game?

Cowboys, Eagles.

I mean, the Cowboys absolutely are dog shit, but the Eagles have not been great ATS this year.

And then the other one is, you know,

I don't know.

I was going to say Chiefs, Broncos.

Like, why would you touch that?

I agree with you, Dan.

But

I think I'm going to bite the cheese and probably take the Eagles on this.

I can see it.

You just want to see it.

Jake wants to see it.

Love Fake McCowboard.

Who did I pick for the Super Bowl?

I think I picked the Texans and Lions,

if I remember correctly.

I think I picked the Texans and Lions.

And I'll be honest with you, man.

I'm the Ravens Lions.

I know that.

I know that, and that's a great possibility, too.

I know that it's a tall order to take out the Chiefs.

The DeAndre Hopkins to the Chiefs, make no mistake.

I watched that.

The fact that that guy is now a threat for them, it's really bad for the league.

They're undefeated, correct?

The Chiefs are.

Chiefs are.

Chiefs, yeah.

So, I mean,

their schedule is not very hard either.

I mean, you look at their teams they have left.

They have the Bills and they have us.

And I think they play Houston and Pittsburgh right at the end, but that's kind of it.

I mean, it's a lot of bad teams the rest of the way.

So they could easily be undefeated here by the end of this which is no i think i think what it's going to take is it's going to take a texans or a ravens

or a bangles i'm not counting the bangles out just yet i could see the bangles getting in a wild card and all all joe all joe burrow needs to do because they kept t higgins they kept they have everybody all joe burrow needs to do is to get into the dance and then i think if he gets into the dance he could do it but it's just going to take

remember me saying this on week 10

it's just going to have to take and this is not a crazy prediction because obviously it's an obvious thing but it's going to be one of those performances that are like that like even a favor ref even a ref like giving the bet like giving the champs the benefit it's going to take something

so much it's like it was it's like uh

i don't even know how to say it it's just like it's going to be so overwhelming that that that's the way that you're going to have to take out the team.

And I think the teams that can do it are the

Texans, Ravens, and Bengal.

But here's another team that could do it.

There's one other team, and it's Josh Allen and the Bills.

Yeah.

So I, oh, shit.

Sorry.

I got it.

Okay.

Yeah.

So that's it, man.

I just think it's, I think it's fun.

I do like now that we finally know kind of who teams are.

This is.

Yeah.

If you look at the AFC playoff picture, too, it's like there's kind of like one spot left because we assume that the Ravens,

the Chiefs, and the Bills and the Texans are all going to win the divisions.

That's four spots.

Then there's two wildcard spots, which are going to probably be Steelers and Chargers.

So now that you look, there's one spot left.

And then who would it even be?

It's probably the Bengals and maybe the Jets.

And that's kind of the only two realistic teams I see fighting for that last spot.

So I think to your point, Paul, the Bengals are alive to make a push here down the stretch.

Yeah, I think I agree with you.

I think the Bengals and the Jets are two teams right now that you don't want to play just because it's kind of like one or two more losses for those teams is basically a kill shot.

And

Miami is, I think, too far behind right now.

Even if Miami won two in a row, they're still like they can't.

Oh, they're not even going to make the wild card.

The wild card race in the AFC is tight.

You've got the Broncos who are.

They're due to fall off, in my opinion.

Yeah, they're kind of, I think they're like, I think they're a little better than 50-50 against the spread this year.

They've won some games they probably shouldn't have.

But Bo Nix isn't as bad as, I think he's probably better than people give him credit for.

But yeah, it's in the wild card.

You've got the Ravens and the Chargers.

Ravens 6-3, Chargers 5-3.

I mean, you know, that's a tight wildcard race.

Cincinnati being at 4-5, I don't know.

And by the way, Paul, I had like 50 bucks on the Bengals to win the Super Bowl.

And I think like maybe like 100 on the Ravens.

So I thought, I was with you.

I thought that they could win.

I think that, you know, they got it, like I said, T.

Higgins, Jamar Chase, even Zach Moss.

Zach Moss in the red zone is like almost automatic at this point if they give it to him.

But

I don't think I don't know what's going on.

Maybe it's the defense.

Maybe it's just borrow not hidden targets.

Maybe it's coaching.

It's there's something that's off on them that's not doing as well as they should.

And I actually think they might even look a little bit better, to be honest, overall, or as good as Houston, who's somehow six and three and

underperforming.

Yeah, I mean, look, I think that in the words of John Mara, when Eli Manning got benched for that one game, he said, I wouldn't write the obituary just yet.

I don't think the Bengals are done just yet.

I really, I agree with you.

I think

having Higgins and Chase and Burrow, and like, you know what happens sometimes in the NFL?

I mean, it happened with

the 07 Giants

or the 11 Giants where nine and seven, you know, nine and seven, just kind of barely getting in and then hitting a stride.

Sometimes a team finds out who they are and hits a stride.

And you know what?

If that happens in week 13, then fucking watch out because all of a sudden, and that's going to happen.

The thing with the NFL is there's a pattern and that does happen.

One or two teams gets their identity late and has a playoff run, and nobody wants to play him.

It happened that first year when

Henry was with the Titans.

Remember, they got in and they started.

All of a sudden, you click.

So

we shall see.

To your point, real quick, the book has, or Ben MGM has the Bengals minus 105 to make the playoffs and the Broncos plus 200.

So, I mean,

it's funny because I filmed a, I can't really talk about it, but I filmed this thing that's going to be premiering in March and I would have had to come home and fly right to Germany.

Also, we had issues getting into the game in Germany.

Also had issues with my show, all this stuff.

So I will not be going to Germany.

And then I looked at the Giants and Panthers record and I'm like, you know what, guys?

I think somebody was kind of looking out for us there.

You know, I'm glad these things came up.

But dude, can you imagine like sitting next to some guy?

It's in Germany, right?

It was in Germany.

You sitting next to some guy in Berlin and some German guy's like, so who's the better team here?

And you're like, well, it's kind of a pick'em.

And then

Paul spends a whole quarter.

I pull out the phone and I'm like, it's essentially a pick'em.

You know, if you know what that means.

What is it?

You get a coin instead.

That's like a touchdown favorite.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I mean, losing thousands of dollars, sitting with my family in Munich when the Giants are two and six.

So we'll probably end up going back to London.

But

guys, yo, yeah.

So real quick, obviously, check out

the great Bill Burr is hosting SNL this week, which is amazing.

Watch that, support that.

I want to thank everybody who came out to see me in Point Pleasant, New Jersey.

Sold out.

Amazing.

And if you guys want, I will be, if you want to come and see me, check me out.

I'll be at the Providence, Rhode Island Comedy Connection.

They redid the room.

It's always been one of the best rooms.

They redid this place.

It looks and sounds incredible.

I will be there November 22nd and 23rd.

That is the weekend before Thanksgiving.

Tickets are going big.

It looks like we're going gonna have we could sell out the weekend guys so get those tickets all right then i'm doing the rocket mortgage or the rocket comedy tour with mike young and brett ernst at the addison improv uh in um

addison texas basically the dallas improv um on december 12th and more dates coming we're going to san diego next year check out paulvarzi.com for those dates uh thank you guys bet responsibly enjoy the nfl week uh i hope bill wins i hope i win I hope these guys win.

And we will see you next week for week 11.

Take care, everybody.