Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-31-24

Hey, what's up, everybody? It's Bill Burr. Look how shiny my head is, man.

All right. So today, Thursday, we kind of got a special thing.
Our guest is Duff McKagan from Guns N' Roses, and he has a new album out and he's on tour. He just crushed it all across Europe, selling out every major city you can think of in every country out there.
And now he's coming to the United States, everywhere, Boston, Chicago, go Seattle, all of these Los Angeles, go see him live.

And then usually after the interview, we play in a classic episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday Monday morning podcast. But this week I forgot that I didn't have to do a podcast because I was interviewing Duff, but I recorded one anyway.
So that one will be up after. So listen to that one.
It's basically you're getting two Thursday afternoon podcasts this week. As always, thank you for listening and go out and go see Duff live.
He's amazing. I will be at the show at the El Rey.
I think it's November 12th or 13th. Hope to see you there.
All right. Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's Bill Burr.
Is this the camera? And it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.
And look at it's videotaped. It is videotaped, which means I have a special guest.
And this guy is one of the most special I've ever had. Duff McKagan, everybody, and his band just wrapped a UK-European leg of their Lighthouse Tour 24 last week.
Listen to this. Sold-out stops, Scotland, England, the Netherlands, Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Italy, Switzerland, Belgium, France, and Sweden.
Basically the whole continent. Among the tour's highlights was a very special guest appearance by Sex Pistol, co-founding guitarist Steve Jones at London, England's Islington Assembly Hall that saw the two longtime friends and neurotic outsiders bandmates joining forces for electrifying renditions of Johnny Thunder's You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory and David Bowie's Heroes.
He's here to promote a bunch of tour dates here in the U.S. Please welcome the one and only Duff McKagan.
Thank you, Bill. Thanks for having me.
It's been a long time since I've been on videotape. I know.
Well, you know, ATC, man, we're on the cutting edge of technology. We like to call it vintage technology.
Your first date that I see coming up here, November 4th. Is that the election no election days are always on tuesday boston massachusetts at the paradise rock club um a legendary is that the original place do you know i i think it is um i think guns played there back in um we did like a club tour with a band called EZO.

They were Japanese kind of, they were like Kiss.

Right.

They were on Geffen.

We did this club tour of the East Coast

and a little bit of the Midwest.

And we played the Paradise, 1987.

Do you know ACDC put out a live record there?

And then also when they first were touring the States

before they obviously blew up. And a long time ago, the big radio station there, that's your dog, right? You said that's going to be right around.
All right. No worries.
I just want people to not think that they were hearing stuff. A lot of people, you know, eat gummies before they listen to this.
I don't want them freaking out. Um, um, the, the WBCN, the rock of Boston, back when radio shows could break you and everything they used to have a comedy uh for stand-up comedy um the hell is it called the boston comedy riot and they used to host that there so there's all kinds of great um great history there and after that you're gonna november 6th i just got to get your dates out here because i know as much as you like shooting the shit with me this is business here you're at new york city on new uh november the 6th in chicago at outset um chicago 8th the 10th in denver november 13th at the elray on wilshire los angeles 18th in portland oregon and then look at that you ended seattle the show box i like this with this with Joey Shithead Keithley of DOA that's one of the greatest yes greatest showbiz names ever Joey Shithead yeah I mean the cool thing is on the on these dates uh and sorry about my dog in the background there's nothing I can do about there's just nothing I can do about it you can't chest up to it and let him know who's the alpha male in that house well he's just you know i locked him out of the room and now he's barking he's going crazy that's what they do these puppies um but on on the east east coast shows i have leaving from fear um opening the gigs and he had he had this band in the 80s called Range War, which was kind of like a country western band.

And if you grew up like i did like i i was really fortunate to be exposed to like the early wave of punk rock while i was also listening to acdc and kiss and ufo and all that stuff but uh i really kind of went head first uh into like the pistols and the clash and up in the northwest we had a band from vancouver called doa which was kind of like my second kiss they were they were uh amazing and i was you know 13 14 15 and joey shithead is a singer and guitar player from doa So having him on the West coast is a big kind of cool get for me. And Lee Bing from fear, fear was, you know, he's one of the heroes for me.
So that's really cool. I didn't know that you, with both these guys.
Yeah. I didn't know that you listened to all of that, that punk stuff.
I knew that there was some influences. How do you think that like affected your because I always felt like you had like you kind of had like your own thing happening like as far as like I don't know I know with drums it's called feel I don't know what it's called with a bass player but like I always loved the way just sort of where you are in in every song that I've I've I've listened to and um punk music was something I could never quite get my head around.
It was always super fast. And I would sit down and try to play to it.
And I would feel like my right arm was going to fall off. So out of frustration, I didn't get to listen to enough of that stuff.
But how do you think that sort of shaped you as a musician? I mean, if you go back to before it got super fast um there was the sex

pistols and there was paul cook the drummer from the sex pistols which i think you know this is 1990 1976 they made that record and his groove they're all kind of mid-tempo rock songs oh yeah not unlike the tempo's AC-DC songs.

And his pocket groove was so intense that I really learned a lot about rhythm through him, Paul Cook from the Pistols. So that was a big influence in Topper Head and Clash, as well as Sign the Family Stone.
I grew up in the 70s. The James Gang had Sign the Family Stone and Prince and Motorhead.
And all of that was on the same radio station back in the day. All right.
So tell me about this tour. Like, I mean, you're coming off the gun stuff.
You play in these huge places. It must be an incredible feeling, obviously, to play the huge places, but to come back around and play the clubs and theaters and stuff like the El Rey, I mean, is like a walk-in closet compared to what you're used to playing.
It has to be, you know, it's got to be great to just be that close again to the crowd and feel their energy as you're doing your set. Yeah.
I mean, I did the Tenderness, had the record called Tenderness that came out in 2019. And Shooter Jennings produced it.
I used Shooter Jennings Band as the band that played on the record. And they did the tour as well with me.
And we kind of these we went to europe and played these these theaters you know small theaters not not like where you play in london but uh like 1200 1300 cap and uh being that close up seeing people singing the songs and kind of being affected emotionally by the songs in that close of quarters for me is is is actually super special, you know? And I get to see it with guns. I get to see it on a massive scale.
And you've got to realize, like, everybody that comes to your show, they have their own story, you know? And that's a lot of energy. Like, it could be an amazing story.
It could have saved somebody's life the day before or whatever, you know? And if you take all that in and kind of appreciate who's coming to your shows it's it can be a little bit overwhelming and and so playing the smaller places it's it's kind of that on steroids you can see everybody and i always end up wondering like what's wonder what his story is or you know that family who came what's their story? Why are they here tonight? And I'm appreciative of people spending money and taking the time to come and see something, especially on my solo stuff, like something I do completely alone. I don't know if the songs are good or not.
I just record them and we mix them and like, okay, well, we put it out and hopefully people you know, people will come to the shows. And they do.
Yeah, that's amazing. I never thought you guys were even like, I just thought you guys were just up there being rock stars that you would ever be looking.
I can't imagine back in the day when I would go to see Dokken or whatever and they saw some, you know, baby face kid with this giant orange fro going, I wonder what his story is. It can't be a good one.
I think it comes with a little bit with age. you know, baby face kid with this giant orange fro going, I wonder what his story is.
It can't be a good one. I think it comes with a little bit with age, you know, or something.
Maybe because I had kids and I started to think more outside of what I was doing. I'm not sure.
But now I certainly look out and go, you know, I've met more people in my life. I know people have, you you know everybody's got a deepness to them um so funny as opposed to just looking out and going yeah punters out there everybody's got a story right you know a few years ago i had like this i don't i don't i don't even know what an existential crisis even means but i just know it's always used in this moment like Like I became happy.
So I was on stage, love my wife. I love my life at home.
I love being home. And I just started thinking like, why am I still doing this? Like I, and it was, it was this panic attack.
Like I used to need to do it. It was my whole identity.
It affected my mood. If I had a good set, I felt good about myself.
If I had a bad set, like I went all the way down to the bottom of the lagoon, you know, and all of a sudden I was like happy. So there was like this six week period of me doing standup.
And I didn't even know why I was up there. Like, what do I do this for? If I don't want to kind of go out on the road anymore necessarily.
And then I kind of, one night, I think I was doing the Roxy and it just kind of popped in my head like well why don't you do it for somebody else you selfish asshole like maybe somebody out there had a tough week and needs a laugh and then all of a sudden i was like oh my god i have a purpose again that's right i'm i'm a dancing clown to take the edge off your week and uh it added a i what i like to think is a lightness to my act but i just think i was such an angry cunt for so long that like people never see past that because uh i recently recorded a special and it's funny how like they try to like advertise it it's the rage ranting and stuff and i go i don't think i'm not i don't think i'm doing that maybe i'm maybe i am i don't I don't know. I don't know.
Yeah. I mean, I followed your career and, you know, especially your kind of like social commentary and, and stuff.
You give us a break, you know, you think for us, you say the things, oh, shit, I wish I would have thought of it that way and said it that way. So it's a, it's a release.
So you are doing a service, you know? Well, I got to give you a shout out as far as like Seattle is that is like one of my favorite cities to just be and forget about performing. And it gets a bad rap where I feel like it always gets lumped in with Portland and it is absolutely nothing like it.
You know, it's completely different.

And I just love the way the city looks because I feel like it was, it just looks like it was built when we first were, you know, landing on the moon or pretending to, depending on whatever you believe. It has like that, we're going to colonize the moon vibe to it, like the way the kingdom used to look, the space needle, that monorail concrete and everything i just you know and then it's on the water so it's like beautiful and it's like a little bit you ever see like when you travel uh that brutalist architecture you ever look at that stuff which is it i look at all kinds of architecture which which kind of list i thought it was eastern european and it was sort of like you know behind the communist block because it just looks like parking garages but they can have these really crazy shapes to them and i found out it actually came from england and it's like it's a ton of concrete and it's a it's sort of an on-purpose eyesore but what's amazing about it is if it's surrounded by beautiful architecture, it becomes beautiful because it's sort of an on-purpose eyesore.
But what's amazing about it is if it's surrounded by beautiful architecture,

it becomes beautiful

because it stands out as like something different.

When you go to Boston,

look at Government Center

is a great example of brutalist thing.

And I always just remember looking at it.

Brutalist, yeah, for sure.

It looked like they started to build a parking garage and they were like, no, wait, it's an apartment. And it's like, no, no, this is NASA's headquarters.
And it's just all sort of stacked up. It's like when you give a five-year-old Legos and the stairs, if you walk around when you're out there, they're like long and flat.
They're just long enough that it's not comfortable to step from one step to another, but they're too short take two steps and it's just brutal even this even the stairs yeah they're like brutal and i i always make when i when i was going to college there and when i would cut through or whatever if i was doing a spot and i was like running over to nick's i remember always going up those stairs going these are the fucking worst stairs i've ever been i'm like who designed these things um there was like an nba player designed it like this is how they are in his house and then all

these years later i found out through going to some of those cities that you just sold out on

your tour um i started seeing this architecture i'm gonna send you i'll send you some photos

please do it's kind of uh it's it's you know being with your punk rock background i think

you would really appreciate it because you know punk rock sort of thumbed its nose at at you know

Thank you. it's, you know, being with your punk rock background, I think you would really appreciate it because, you know, punk rock sort of thumbed its nose at, you know, beautiful songs and whatever was going on in music.
Like that style of architecture was definitely thumbing its nose because everyone was trying to come up with something, you know, ornate and beautiful whenever. And they're just like, no, the world is a cold place and this is the building you will live in.
Hey, man, I did grow up with the kingdom. You know, that might be a semi, you know, entering the brutalist territory of architecture.
A hundred percent. I went to one game there when I was on the road.
That's how I dealt with the loneliness of being on the road is I would just try to go to a sporting event. And you remember this week in baseball with Mel Allen? Yes.
And he would do all the highlights. And this is before ESPN.
So whenever they would show like once a week, you get to see the highlights. So whenever they showed like somebody hitting a home run in the Kingdome, there'd always be somebody scurrying across that weird.
So, you know, the multi-purpose um uh venue at football and baseball so they would like push the bleachers underneath the other bleachers to create like an outfield wall so i went out there and i when ken griffey was still playing uh center field i sat i deliberately sat out in the outfield seats because i wanted to run down that alleyway the the whatever the aisle to chase a home run ball. Didn't happen, but incredible and incredibly loud, too, place to see a game.
Probably not hard to get a ticket with the King, though. It wasn't.
For the Mariners, maybe. It wasn't then.
It was not then, and it was also – where was that as far as, like, in the history? It was the late 90s. So it was after that great 95 team you had.
Oh, late 90s. Okay.
Yeah. So you still had all of those guys.
But, you know, I think. Edgar Martinez.
Yeah, he was playing. You had Dan Wilson.
I don't think A-Rod was there yet. It was before the big steroid home run thing.
So it was sort of like in between those years. Jay Buhner, maybe? Yeah, it was a while ago.
Was he there yet? Yeah. People don't know, Duff is a huge Seattle sports fan.
I've seen you do the 12th man thing at the Seahawks game, which I always trash the Seahawks because that stadium is bullshit. They made it to deliberately hold in sound.
And just as a Patriots fan, I know if we did a stadium like that, they would have made us tear it down. Yeah, well, good Patriots win last weekend.
That was cool to watch. And I bet against them.
This is how I've been handling them losing. Did you really? Well, this is how I've been handling them losing is I just bet against them every week.
So at least I win my bet. So I love, you know, and then they beat the Jets.
So either way, I win. Either way, that's how you handle your team sucking now is you put a little money on them to lose.
And, you know, if they won some money but if they win the worst is if is if they cover the spread and they still lose that's when you got to go out and go take a walk or whatever but uh yeah who would have I thought that that Aaron Rodgers Jets things would play out the way that it does it's um and I don't think anybody is 100% to blame it's just the franchise is just cursed like i don't understand the moves that they make and uh yeah it's a uh it just seems like one of those those those marriages back in the day where people go out to vegas and get hammered and then there's all right you know they're like we're going with aaron rogers and like three days later they want to ann So I don't know. Hey, I just realized if I'm nodding my head, it doesn't really translate well to a podcast.
Oh, nodding your head. Well, with our technology here, how about this weird- Oh, videotape.
Well, what about this weird AI camera now that if you move, all of a sudden, there's like an AI director in there sort of panning around with you? I was in a writer's room yesterday on a zoom thing and my back was hurting me so i laid down on the floor and i was thinking oh this is gonna be weird i'm not gonna be on camera but i'm laying down and the thing literally the camera went down it was like showing me on the floor and it was just weird because everyone else was sitting so i had to get up and get back in the chair. I don't know.

What do you think? Well, speaking of the kingdom.

Go ahead.

So they built that place.

You know, I think it got done in 1976.

So I was 13.

Like, wait, all of this was for this?

You know, this monstrosity was just super weird and kind of Seattle,

you know, at that point.

Like, of course, it's going to be weird um but i saw led zeppelin there no you didn't say that i saw led zeppelin and i saw him at the kingdom is that that video they always show they always show john bonham playing and he's got the the deed is dragons you remember those he had the blue and white ones you were at one of those shows yeah in 77 i um i'm not sure if that was the kingdom show but you know you got i i saw aerosmith on the rocks tour there as well uh there was certain big shows in the kingdom early on but to get used to the sound in there like you had to like by the the time I saw Led Zeppelin, I knew like, get on the floor.

And you got to kind of just be over to the right a little bit and underneath, you know, something else.

And you might be able to hear it all right.

Other than that, it was just like booming everywhere.

How did those guys even play?

Because they didn't have like in-ear monitors or anything like that back in the day, right?

Like there was no click. They just went out and just started playing and it would just bounce off the arena ceiling right well if you look at zeppelin especially like you no matter what size the place they're playing at they're super close to each other you know they're like playing like on a like a club stage so i think they just played each other and let whatever else happen so let me ask you this you're going to go see led zeppelin but i don't first of all aerosmith rocks that's probably the greatest like album and tour to go see them on and anything seeing zeppelin was incredible um oh man i just if i was a few years older that would have happened for me by the time I came around, all of that stuff, because I grew up on that music.
I grew up in this great neighborhood where all of my friends had older brothers. I was born in 68 and all their older brothers are like, you know, four or five, six years older than us.
So how we got into Zeppelin and aerosmith and i still remember when van halen one came out i went over a friend of mine's house and his brother was playing it on a record player and i just remember just hearing i still remember where i was when i heard it and i was just like what is that like that sounded like it was from like outer space but it always kills me that i wasn't just four or five years older. So I could have actually gone and seen like when I, I didn't start going to concerts until 86.
So by the, Oh, you know what I mean? So I was like 17, 18 years old. So I missed the back in black tour.
I missed the Van Halen one. I missed the seventies Aerosmith.
I missed Zeppelin. I missed sort of all of that.
But I saw your guys' whole era. And one of my big regrets is, I forget, I think I was going to school and I couldn't make it.
You guys were on your first like sort of big tour and you were opening for Motley Crue. And I was living in North Carolina the time and i couldn't see it and it's like all right i'll see these guys i'll see them like the next time they come around and then i i moved and it just like the first time i finally saw you guys was when i remember when we were in france i ran into you it just so happened was that the first time i had ever seen you guys yeah like I had gone to see like solo stuff you guys did, but I never saw you guys all together.
Oh, and when you guys did Use Your Illusion, I had a ticket and my older brother, some girl broke his heart and he was just head in his hands. And I was going, all right, take my ticket.
Come on, man. I can't watch you walking around like that.
So then I missed you on that one. all the stuff happened and then i was just like fuck i never saw him like you you don't understand like how how um i'm sure you maybe you do like like like when i was born and when you first came and your band came was like what you guys meant to us you know speaking of what we touched on earlier um that was like the album of the decade and spoke to us because as much as we were all part of the same generation like even you being a few years older than me just the bands that you saw versus the bands that i saw like you know when you were seeing bands i was too young and by the time i started seeing bands you were in a band um out in la so there was all like these subsets so like you know when you're that young two years is a long time so as far as it's all dude all has to do i i think about that like my influences you we talked about it earlier and how it really shaped me um it was also the time i was born and when i got like a paper route you know i got a paper route at like 11 so i was had some money where i could start buying concert tickets and stuff i think i saw led zeppin when i was 12 you know um we started going to gigs really early because i had seven older siblings so my i think my mom at that point He's like, just let him go.
He's going to go anyhow. But also in Seattle at the same time,

70 years ago, had seven older siblings so my i think my mom at that point said just let him go he's gonna go anyhow um but also in seattle at the same time 77 78 they started having these one dollar concerts at the paramount theater and those one dollar concerts were iggy pop uh the clash you know the jam, like all these, that the punk and new wave sort of wave of stuff and so we went to all these gigs for a dollar i mean who can't afford a dollar you got a paper route you can go and so if you had one dollar people who are my age in seattle remember this stuff the one dollar concerts in it and so i had zeppelin and I had Iggy Pop, you know, and they were both just as great to me. That's, you know, it's funny.
I had a paper too, from third grade all the way to ninth grade. And what it was the greatest job ever, because all my friends were always like broke or they had to, you know, try to get some money from their parents.
And I always had money to like, if I was even just like going to school, if I wanted extra food at lunch, it's called getting doubles. If they had the burger, you'd get doubles.
So you get two burgers, double order of fries or whatever. And I always had the money to do that.
And I've always like, I didn't have money, but I never didn't have money from third grade on. I had enough to do what it was that I wanted to do.
And my thing early on was actually going into like sporting events and stuff like that. So I kind of had the thing that you had where, you know, you were a crazy Seattle sports team fan.
I had that with all like the Boston teams. And my thing was going to the, uh, the hockey games, which I got to ask you, did you ever play the original Boston garden? Do you remember? I think we did.
I, yeah. With the, where the Celtics played, right? Yep.
Celtics and Bruins. And those were the old school barns where now because of, of safety or whatever, and maybe obese people, people i don't know what like you can't have

this the stairs of the upper deck you can't have them be that steep is what they said so like um but on those old you know hockey barns and basketball places like you were like you felt like if if somebody pushed you you were gonna fall down onto the ice so they were like it was like Thunderdome when you came in there and i saw i saw acdc with cinderella at the boston garden dude it was it was one of the best ever it was the heat secret tour and i think long cold winter for uh um cinderella which is hilarious i can remember that i can't i lose my cell phone 20 times a day but anything from the 80s is just this vivid memory because it was so it was so great so um i don't know like yeah i think we did to answer your question i i i just i mean me to remember every thing like you've done a few shows stuff you've done a few shows in your career uh 92 uh but i think we played there because i remember the parquet floor i remember seeing maybe it was back maybe they had it picked up and it was in the back and i'm like oh there is a parquet floor the famous yep with the Celtics parquet floor my uh my producer andrew just looked it up march of 93 you guys played the original uh oh and even as a set list and everything no way yeah everything everything you could you've ever done is is uh anybody's ever done is on the internet so um tell us a little bit about about your album is there a place where people can download it um and we can uh move move what what some some what do they call it like cyber albums like some streams there we go what what is the terminology nowadays um i don't know there you go all your streaming uh that's what they say all your favorite streaming uh sources yeah streaming streaming everywhere know what you know what happened on the european run i just did uh had a bunch of vinyl and a bunch of cds and i would sign like before the first gig in dublin they had like stacks of stuff to sign i'm like okay we're not gonna sell all this vinyl and cds people buy cds and i signed like a hundred or maybe more CDs and maybe a hundred records and that stuff was gone so wow and it happened like every gig and it seems to me that right now people are maybe a little um I think everybody streams but I think it's coming back to people want that physical uh well. Well, I can't tell you how many times I've done a new upload or whatever, the new system, whatever, on my phone.
And I've had to just rebuy an album. Like there's so many albums I've bought, like frigging.
I had that album. Like, where is this song? And there's nobody that you can call.
And then this whole thing where they track you everywhere. Don't do a show at that new Clippers arena.
It's like a cashless place and you got to use your face to get in and out of there. It's just like, and people are just doing it.
It's, I don't understand people that like, they don't have any, I just understanding of like, I mean, maybe I'm like freaking out, but you know what's hilarious? Somebody recently, you know, got me of, I don't want to like, I can't trash who it was, but there's a little hint on this show. I got a motorcycle, right? So somebody sent me a vest that has like an airbag in it.
I'm like, oh, this is fantastic. So I'm going, all right, how does this thing this thing work and it says read the instructions on it and step one was download the app it's like this is not a vest it's a fucking tracking device and they're just trying to like every place you go now they're trying to like just get any information they can out of you so they can bundle it it's another revenue stream duff and

they're just trying to to i mean if you don't realize that you're being tracked by getting a

you know a phone and getting an ipad or getting a computer uh you know you got to just be i'm i've

got nothing i don't care if somebody's tracking me they are i mean whoever they are but if somebody

wants to at apple wants to know where I'm at,

they can figure that out in one millisecond.

You know what my favorite thing is?

Is that you can turn it off.

Like they can't turn it back on.

You know what I mean?

It's like, oh, I'm on the internet.

I'm in incognito mode.

It's like, oh, are you?

Like, how do you know?

How the fuck do you know? You just take a thing and you just slide it i actually do care that they're tracking us because i just feel like at what point do you like i have no problem with people being in control of me i have no problem people running things i don't have i don't know how to do that so i don't have any problem with that but my my it's like it's like, how far are you going to take this? Can you just fuck off for a second? You know, you walk into places we don't take cash anymore. It's like, that's not legal.
And then it's like, well, then you have to have the exact amount. It's like, no, I don't.
No, I don't. So this, this is becoming a different podcast though.
my girls grew up, you know, to this. So you and I grew up in a time where there was no cell phones.

There was a pay phone.

There was no computers.

There was no Internet.

You know, we had to have coins at the pay phone to make a phone call if we were on tour, you know.

Yeah, subway tokens.

You know what I'm saying?

And so we're like the tracking thing to us is like, well, I mean, we mean we just carry it around with us this phone we carry around our tracking device and my car you know my car you download the app i mean audi knows where i'm at you know for sure everything you know i like i like when the phone talks to your car and then it cross pollinates or whatever it does and it figures out where you live yeah it's fucking yes susan has a thing on her tesla that the gps she knows when it knows when she's pulling into our garage and it shuts her uh her her side view mirrors that i i hate new cars i hate them i'm like i bought a jaguar like an idiot and it's already overheating at 40 000 miles so i gotta get i gotta get, I got to get out of this thing. I guess it has the same engine as like the Range Rover.
I don't know if that's true, but this is the internet. Okay.
Yeah. So they can't sue me.
So I, I just through the cars that my wife gets, she gets, you know, she's had a Tesla and now she has another, this electric vehicle. So she fucking, when she walks out, like the doors automatically unlock before she gets to the car.
And then like this symphony is playing this sustained note of music. So when she lollygags, when she has something to do, it's like, you just listen to this, oh, this sound.
It's just like, it's just a fucking car. It's like doing too much.
And anytime I back up, it's just i back up it's just going beep beep beep beep beep beep it's like somebody like has got mother-in-law yelling in your your ear and uh i used to used to be i used to be able to back up a car because there weren't any blind spots but now because of all of these cameras they don't care how they design it that way and i i can't i can't even get i can't even get a car between the lines anymore because back in the day, you could see the lines as you pull up. Now you got to be looking like, it's like dead reckoning when you're flying.
If you don't have your gauges or whatever, you got to look at the two lines to put it in. I'm going backwards.
I want to get something from the two thousands. And,

uh,

I,

I just,

you know,

I'm a,

I got, I got enough issues with stress and everything.

I don't need my car bringing anxiety every time I'm misreading a blade of grass or like a branch hanging down as a person and just screaming in my fucking ear.

It's just like my car. I got to back it out of my garage i got a new car this this this year um and i had like a ford uh explorer that's been my favorite car like i had and i keep my cars for like 10 years you know i don't i don't care it carries equipment and uh it's an awesome car but susan was like you know you can get a grown-ups car here in seattle you know like something we go out dinner like okay yeah you know you're right she's already got an suv okay so i looked around and i got this car that i have this audi and it's a great car but i have to back out of my garage which is one thing you know there know, there's two sides.
And then I back out. We have a gate.
And I back out of that. You open the gate.
And my car, it's like a panic attack backing out of my driveway. And I think something's coming.
Somebody's walking down the street or what. I'm going to hit something.
And, you know, I backed out of that garage in an Explorer five million times and never hit anything. So this car is much smaller.
I think they're just like, you ever do like a, of course you have. You've done like one of those business calls, conference call, right? And you're on there for a half hour, whatever.
They're figuring out how to promote whatever tour you're doing or whatever. And you're just waiting to wrap it up.
It could have been done in eight minutes. For reason it's taking 30 minutes and right at the end of the call when everybody's wrapping it up all of a sudden somebody who hasn't said shit for half an hour starts talking and you know they're just talking to justify them still having a cubicle they're like oh my god the the conversation is going to end i need to say something and then they just throw out whatever they can think of And you have to act like it's a legitimate point rather than some panic response.
I feel like that's what the car is doing. Like it just needs to make mouth breathing morons who have a better car that doesn't yell at them.
If they sit in somebody else's car, they're like, oh, I want my car to go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep when I back up. I my wife when i first got i bought my car i keep cars forever too like i'm 56 years old i'm on like my fifth car i drive them for 10 years change the oil and all of that shit my whole thing is to pay it off drive it into the ground and um same yeah so when i got mine in 2016, I ordered it because I wanted the color that I wanted.

So I ordered it because, uh, I wanted the color that

I wanted. So I ordered it in June.
I got it in October. It was exactly what I wanted.
And my

wife, you know, who had a nice car when mine opened up, this was the new, the new technology,

it opened up and where you go to step in, it said Jaguar and it was, it like lit up,

it lit up in blue neon. She's like, what's what's that i like that i want to get something like that so i'm like oh god what did i do um i i think i i'd be honest with you i think we're at the end of technology as far as like what we need we i think it was great by the mid 90s it It was fine.
And now they just keep adding.

Everything is so just over designed.

Yeah.

I don't know.

What does this have to do with you crushing it on the road here?

No, no, it's okay.

We can go off into gray areas.

You know what I did notice though?

The heavier this podcast got, the quieter your dog got.

I think we freaked it out with our dystopian tales of cars.

So we got a new dog.

Yeah, Susan's like, we've always had a dog, and then we didn't have a dog for a couple of years.

And we could travel freely and go on tour and not worry about the kids.

My daughters are grown.

And she's like, I really want to get a dog. We've got to get to get a new dog and we got this dog she found a dog as a rescue mutt you know like eight weeks old and he's he's adorable as it gets he's a good little guy but he takes all of the attention he takes all of the he wants all the house and we can't like suddenly it's like having a baby you can't really travel you can't travel you can't be gone susan came over to europe she came to dublin and she came to london instead of hanging out and going to paris doing the rest of the stuff with me beautiful european capitals got to get back to the dog yeah you, you're right.
I got to ask you, what's it like being on the other side of parenting? My kids are seven and four now. And obviously I started really late.
What's it like that day when you become an empty nester? How long does it take to get used to that because a lot of people my age are obviously are already empty nesters so it's always an interesting question I feel what's what's what was it like for you well I think it's the build up to it is is more than it actually is like we were so grace when our older one went away to college and so we had may at home and losing that energy of one of the kids was bizarre for everybody but we got used to it pretty quick and then we knew may was going to go away to college you know in a couple years and when she did we went and dropped her off in new york city that's where she went to college we you know did the target thing and the and the bed bath and beyond and down on 14th you know and got her moved into her dorm and then we flew out of new york city and like you see the city and you're like oh her 17 year daughter's there by herself. And we got back to Seattle.

We got in our house.

And there was about 15 minutes of weirdness. Like, oh, what do we do? You know, we're so used to raising kids.
That's all we've ever done. And about 15 minutes into that, we're like, oh, we can do anything we want now.
uh so for and sue in my case we've just really enjoyed um us you know and kind of doing anything we want we have a great relationship with our daughters talk to them every day and and see them a lot but uh great it's just a natural thing i mean we we got it through it naturally um and i'm glad i asked you i'm glad i asked you because i only listen to people when it comes to parenting that they they have some like positive thing it's not like uh gloom and doom or like sad look i remember like right before i was going to become a parent just like the stuff that people were telling me i wanted to be like do you enjoy being a parent like this doesn't sound right like he's like you play drums oh you're never gonna do that again it's like yes i am kiss that goodbye it's like yeah yeah what what am i just sit there and stare at the kid the whole time so um i don't know i've been having a uh i've been having a ball doing it but uh my my daughter's the one, man. And she, oh my God.
I saw her when she was a baby. I came to your house.
I probably did your podcast, I think. Yeah.
And that was when you were moving your daughter into New York. I remember you were getting ready to go do that.
Oh, okay. There we go.
It was right then. You were at the end and I was at the beginning.
And I remember that. I probably asked you a bunch of questions.
But I remember, you know what I loved? And my wife loved how great you were with kids. Because you came into her room and she was like, who's this giant blonde guy, right? And you immediately knew she was uncomfortable.
And you did this trick that I use with every kid that freaks out. You just ask them about their toys.
Like you were like, hey, what's, oh, wow, that's cool. What's that over what's that over there and kids like you know their toys are their universe and then she just started in her little baby way explaining all the toys and then handing you other toys and you were going oh man that's amazing and I think I have a picture of it somewhere obviously I would never upload it but I just thought it was it was you know being a fan of yours all those years seeing you being a rock star to see you know Duff as a dad and just looking at that going oh my god he's an amazing amazing father and uh yeah my wife was always touched by that moment too because well you know so much so much of what we knew about you was was you know stuff in you know hit parader and all of all the crazy stuff that they write about you guys and then just to see to see like a great human being just you got down on her level.
The whole thing. It was just awesome.
Yeah. Well, I think when I had when we had the girl, I didn't have him.
Susan did. I was just there.
But the girls like I freaked out, like I loved our girls so much. And and I remember going to like Whole Foods and stuff and seeing a baby like some oh look at the baby and that you know i got tattoos and shit and oh get away from my child you know i'm like oh god i can't do that i can't just like go up and you know uh do that freak out on kids and so yeah with with your daughter i was you know i at that point i was fully aware of um how a kid might look at you or the parents or whatever and i just yeah little girls i think that's only socially acceptable with with dogs or animals you're allowed to just and and people don't freak out but if you kind of come up to their kids they might freak out a little bit um these days people freak out even on your dog so you know when i come out hey what's it get away from my dog really do you know what though i do know that reminds me one time this fucking drive me up the wall when i was first living in la the late 90s right mid 90s actually i was living the fifth floor of this this dump and this guy comes down the hall he's got his dog off its leash and i love dogs i was about ready to go in my apartment so i bent down i go hey buddy what's going on and the dog's off leash and the guy's down the hall he goes don't touch my dog i'm like well put him on a fucking leash you cunt i just you know it's the only time i ever thought of hurting an animal i wanted to kick the dog into the guy's face of course now you Now you're doing it.
You're like, oh, obvious choice. All right.
Well, I love having you on. I'm so like, I don't know.
You're just, I was already a huge fan of yours and to getting to know you over the years, you're just such a, you're an incredible musician. You're a great dad, husband, the whole thing.
You got the whole thing and you you're up there in Seattle in this beautiful city. And he is currently on tour, Boston, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, from November 4th to the 20th.
You're doing it right. You're ending up in Seattle right before Thanksgiving.
You do the road long enough. Your tour manager knows how you like to work.
The great Duff McKagan. Love you, brother.
Thank you so much for coming on. And I'm going to be be down there the l ray the l ray tour i will be here all right yeah susan said to make sure we uh plan a dinner uh okay and so we're gonna be back down in la for for january and february and all that stuff so we'll uh we'll hit you guys up perfect hit me up all right good luck with your new dog tell everybody i said hi hi.
I'll see you. All right.
See you, bud. Bye-bye.

Thanks. All right.
Duff McKagan, everybody. How great was that? Go check him out on his tour.
Truly, man, like that was no BS. He's just one of the nicest people you could ever meet.
And his live band is incredible. And usually when you go to see Duff, he's in Guns N' Roses.
And depending on where you're sitting, even if you're down front, he's really far away. away you can see him in a small intimate setting and gain an even bigger appreciation of what an incredible bass player and and musician that he is all right that's the podcast have a great weekend you cunts and i'll talk to you soon hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast and I'm just checking in.

Are you? What's going on? How are you? How's it going? What's going on with me? I'm watching the World Series. New York Yankees came back and spanked that Dodger ash last night.
it's now three games to one, and all of a sudden it gets interesting. All of a sudden it gets interesting.
It was a great game, and then the Yankees just blew it open. But it was like when they hit the grand slam and they went up like 5-2.
And you got it. Their fans just fucking willing them.
Their fans were great. The ones behind home plate are fucking brutal.
Those rich cunts who just spend the whole game underneath eating like fucking lion meat or whatever. Playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who's going to win, Kamala or fucking Trump.
But the rest of them, the bleacher, that's like the Celtics. Celtics fans are the same way.
There's an expectation that you're supposed to win in these situations. So iconic moment there.
I do have a bone to pick with the fucking broadcast. It's like the level of fucking sports bias for the New York teams is ridiculous.
Okay. It's a five to four game.
Yankees are down zero three in this series. And I swear to God, the announcer goes, the Yankees are trying to do what has never been done before.
Right. So my ears perk up.
I'm like, OK, obviously he means because it's a World Series. It hasn't been done in the World Series.
But obviously he has to bring up the one time that it's ever been done in the history of fucking baseball. And nothing.
Nothing. It's like, and it's literally, you're talking about the team that it happened to.
Nothing. Never happened.
Never happened. Houston Astros, their first championship was complicated.
This is just things that they say. And as a Patriots fan, to listen to fucking Deflategate for a fucking decade and a half.
I saw Lawrence Taylor the other day was trashing Tom Brady going, I don't think he's the greatest of all time. I don't think I've ever seen a guy achieve at that level, the level of shit that he got, which I get it.
People get jealous and they just want to say, you know, it was tougher during my time. I get that shit.
I get it all day long. But like, you know, I can tell you right now, if fucking we were up three games to none and lost four games in a fucking row, we would never hear the fucking end of it.

Dan Shaughnessy would write a fucking book.

They would make a movie about it.

Dude, I did that fucking documentary.

They go, you want to be in a documentary about the Patriots dynasty?

I go, yeah, fuck yeah.

And then the fucking dynasty starts off with Aaron Hernandez in Deflategate.

It was a fucking hit piece. It's fucking embarrassment.
Anyway, but just me as a sports fan, I am really excited that there's going to be another game. I love October baseball.
And, you know, that Yankee fan base, like I'm telling you, like as much as you fucking hate them, I don't give a fuck if you fucking hate the Yankees like I do.

You got to give it a fan base is fucking ridiculous. Like, like I was sitting there like nervous for the Dodgers.
It's like they they when when they get behind that fucking team, it's it's like I'm telling you, it's that they're like the fucking 10th man. That bullshit about the Seahawks, 12th man fucking horse shit that they actually stole from the Aggies.
I think they had to pay him like a settlement. They literally just fucking ripped it off.
Why is this guy looking at me? Please tell me he's not going to fucking talk to me. I'm sitting in my car right now.
This guy's just fucking glancing at me like he's never seen somebody alone in a car recording a podcast. I mean, what? It's probably the microphone.
He probably thinks I'm a Fed. Oh, Billy Red, Billy the Fed.
He's a fucking rat. He's wearing a wire.
He's got a giant microphone right in his face. So anyway, now the series, now the series gets interesting.
I mean, I think game five, that's a fucking must win. You're not going back to New York and they're looking at tying the thing up.
That is the fucking amazing thing about a seven game series.'re down oh three and it seems like you got

ten thousand fucking miles to climb up this mountain and then you win one game and then all of a sudden it's just like the other team's like wait a minute if they win the next game we're then looking at possibly tied series like that's that's how fast it can happen so who knows

it's getting

it just got way more interesting. It got way more interesting.
Now shout out to the Dodgers when they were down five to two, they did not fold five to three, five to four. And I was going like, this team is like fucking Jason in Friday the 13th.
You're running away and they're just walking you down and it's inevitable. You're taking that machete to the head.
But, um, I miss when the Yankees blew it wide open. Uh, my kids were going to bed, so I got to read the books and all of that stuff.
So, um, anyway, uh, it's just, it's just, it's fucking great. I wish it was more of a series though I will be honest

with you I wish it was kind of like you know what were they four games in I mean two two would have been great um but anyway not now now you got this big this big story oh but here's the thing because me you know i'm just being a fucking cunt, right? Because I love the Dodgers, but I hate Lakers fans, right? So I know that they'll be happy if the Dodgers win, right? So there's a part of me that wants to see them lose. But then I know if the Yankees come back and they win four in a row, not only will they never bring up the Red Sox, because they're like, this is the greatest thing that ever fucking happened, because it's in New York, which I'm not exaggerating either.
Like, the level of fucking bias. We all know, if you're hitting 350 in New York, everybody fucking knows it.
If you're hitting 350 for the Texas Rangers, people are like, what's that guy's name? And then also, like, the fucking bias where, like, I'll never forget that time I was in New York and on the cover of the post, they were fucking trashing the Patriots. You know, the Cheatriots are coming to town, Deflategate and all that shit.
And on the back page, I swear to God, they're like, A-Rod hits his 600th home run. I'm like, wait a minute.
I thought you guys, you know, I thought you guys were irate about everything not being above board.

So anyway, who knows?

Who knows?

Now, you know, what's great, too, is the Dodgers got two days to fucking think about it.

Otani hurt his shoulder.

That's the worst.

That's the fucking worst.

I hate when a team, you know, you want to beat the team when they got everybody healthy.

But can you feel bad for a fucking $330 million team? This is kind of like Walmart versus Kmart or whatever. You know, the Doug Stanhope bit that everybody loves.
Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Walmart. I don't think that that's the case anymore.
That was the case in, I would say, 99, 2000, right to about 2005 or whatever. Just those awful years when A-Rod and Jeter, you had the two best shortstops in the league on the same fucking team and one agrees to play third base.
Those were the bad years. But other than that, nobody's spending more money than the Dodgers.
So I don't think I don't think that holds water anymore. So anyway.
Oh, Billy Freckles. Billy Freckles is coming back to Boston.
He's going back to Beantown. What do you say? I'm doing Comics Come Home Saturday night.
Saturday night November 2nd I believe is what it is, right? What's today? Today's the 30th, 31st Halloween Yeah, November 2nd I'll be there with Dennis Leary Bobby Kelly Lenny Clark and some other people't know who. I forget.
I got the old brain there. So I'll be doing that.
And then I have some other things that I'll have to do that I can't talk to you about until next week. That's just how it works.
And then I have my tour. I have a one-week tour coming up.
I'm uh it starts in Ojai and then I'm going up to 99 I start in Bakersfield and I go all the way up to Stockton and I'm playing all these old Fox theaters on the way up and uh I got my new like hour hour and 15 that I'm going to be working on and i'm really really excited about that and then i come home and it's fucking thanksgiving so uh oh hi is going to be great because i'm playing this place the the the libby bowl whatever the hell it's called it's like a little wait is that the name of the place i don't know it's a little amphitheater you know. You know what's funny is I flew up there.
Flew the helicopter up there. There's no place.
There's no like helipad. There's nothing up there.
And I was flying over it. I was trying to see the place.
I looked at it on my Google Maps there. And I couldn't find it.
But I went up there a number of years ago with my lovely wife. So I can always find where we stayed and I can always find the downtown area, but there's too many trees around that.
You know what it looks like? Do you know in Boston they have where the Boston Pops used to play on the half shell? It's like a little half shell thing, like right on the Charles River. I'll be playing that.
And that's just going to be a fun run of shows. Because it's like a week-long tour.
But at no point do I ever leave California. So, you know.
There's nothing worse than you end a tour. And you're like in fucking Newfoundland.
Like, Oh my God, I got a fucking nine hour flight back. Whatever connecting in Minneapolis.
All right. Plowing ahead.
And other good news is the presidential election is it's almost done. It's almost done.
You can all get on with your fucking lives and it will be fantastic. And it's getting down and dirty.
All right. Fucking Trump is done with the debates.
He doesn't like some broad coming in, telling him what for, slapping him around the kitchen the kitchen he doesn't like that stuff so now he's just going hardcore with like the fucking immigrants every fucking four years ah these immigrants that's why the middle class is shrinking it's not billionaires not paying fucking taxes getting rid of all the fucking jobs so they can fucking get some more whores in yachts. It's not them.
That's not who it is. I love how they act like immigrants come over here and then they just become like fucking doctors.
You're an illegal immigrant. What are you doing? What job are you fucking taking? And then meanwhile, these tech nerds.
Stop calling them tech bros. They're tech nerds.
They're the ones like that fucking Spotify guy. He took all the music.
He took all the fucking music. I bet he can't even fucking turn on a record player.
He's taken all the, all the fucking residual payments from all these amazing musicians and the music that they made. He gets the fucking money.

He's a billionaire. He's a billionaire and everybody else can just go fuck themselves.

But like I'm telling you, though, you got to watch out for these immigrants. You got to watch out for these trans people.
I mean, they make up one percent of the population. Oh, boy, oh, boy.

Oh, what they're going to do. I mean, you can't watch 10 feet without seeing a trans person.
How often do you even see somebody that transitioned? I think there's more redheads than there are trans. Look, I'm going to ask you, when was the last time you saw a group of redheads just standing on the fucking corner shooting the shit? You know, the same thing with trans people.
They're not the problem. They are not the problem.
It's these fucking rich cunts. Now, to say that, to say that, like, both sides are going to blow the rich people.
I don't know. I feel bad.
That's what it is. I just feel bad because this guy they're both saying that they're going to turn this shit around

in the rich rich people i don't know i feel bad that's what it is that is i just feel bad because this guy they're both saying that they're going to turn this shit around and neither one of them is talking about why we're in this situation they're not talking about the money behind the money they're just fucking pointing fingers at each fucking political party and blaming this and blaming that and it's just like that's not what it is it's the rich c All right. That's my little fucking thing.
So I, as far as the election goes, I feel fucking hopeless. I feel hopeless.
Um, because they always get rid of the people that say what's really going on early on in the election and CNN and Fox news have no fucking problem with it. And they don't let the people debate and they don't put them on the ballot and they paint him as crazy like all of these guys that you know all the way back to like fucking ross perot who would just fucking straight shooters and they always just oh he's crazy he's a fucking whack job he's a nut job and blah blah blah blah and then you just go with the career politician and you know they fucking deregulate everything so these rich people can grow businesses and create more jobs it's it's not what happens um it's from where i'm sitting where i'm sitting in the fucking car here um all right so i had a bad morning dude my kids woke up and they they wanted donuts so we never get donuts and i've always said you know if you wake up and you start your day with the donut you're basically saying that someday you just want to be bedridden like that's the road that you're on so i don't i don't fuck with donuts right so i go into the donut shop all right to get the donuts i have a little fucking text message that says what my daughter and my son and my wife want so i order those and then i look down and i see this maple fucking donut right and it's one of those long ones that i'm like that's too much i was like you got a maple donut that isn't like a raft like doesn't look like a fucking footboard on a harley you got you got something a little smaller so she's like we have a buttermilk maple one and i go all right let me get that so i come back to the house my wife made some scrambled eggs it was fucking hilarious my kids they're eating eggs and having a donut the only they needed was black coffee and they could just fucking do a shift as a police officer right so they're eating like cops and uh and i don't fuck with that donut i don't fuck with that donut i make myself a little little cup of tea right billy tea bag right and i have a couple sips with that and i just was like it'd be good.
One bite. One bite of that donut would be good.
I took a hit off the crack pipe and that was it. I'm walking out the door to bring my kids to school and I'm fucking finishing off the donut.
So, I don't know, but it was just one. Every once in a while.
Every once in a while, just have a donut, you know? That's like, back in the day, if you said that on the Oprah Winfrey show, she'd be like, I like that. I like that.
Every once in a while, just have a donut. Back in the day, if you said that on the Oprah Winfrey show,

she'd be like, I like that.

I like that.

Every once in a while, have a donut.

Yeah, huh?

As you look at the crowd, they'd be like, yeah.

And then you write a book.

The next thing you know, you're the next big talk show host.

That's how it happened.

You would just say something.

It's just like fucking...

I can't remember what the example was. She would always just be like, I like that.
I always felt bad for her. You know, even though she was like a billionaire, I just always looked at her like, she's out of her fucking mind, just like me.
But she's like, 40's hot, right? 40's the new 30, right? You remember when women do that? 50's the new 40. No, it isn't.
You're 50. You're fucking 50.
Your vag is half a century old. What are you...
Do you remember that? That was a thing with personal trainers for a while. They would do this thing and they would be like, okay, you're 36, but your body is 39.
When they would do like your fat percentages and then you'd work out with them. And then they would be like, now it's only 38.
Now your body's 34. I mean, you're, you're just doing the right thing here.
And then they would literally get, it's just like, you're 37. Your body is 37 37 the only thing you can be is in good shape for a 37 year old or in bad shape or regular shape but you don't you don't become younger or older you could fucking do heroin and smoke five packs of cigarettes unfiltered a day you're still 37.
And they could say you did the damage. It's like you're 70.
It's like you're 70, but you're not 70. But these personal trainers, okay, who don't have any sort of a degree, as far as I know, you know, whenever I went to a personal trainer, I never saw like, you know, with those suction cup things on the back of a degree and they stuck it on the mirror.
So you knew that this person had the credentials to tell you how old your body was, despite the fact you know what your birthday is and your age. Right.
I love scams like that. All the way back to the best one ever, which was,

they have weapons of mass destruction.

The best scam ever was

when they were going to fucking

name a star after you.

And there was all of these people

who lost loved ones.

And these fucking assholes

were like selling them stars up in.... It is right up there.
And as you looked up, they drove away with your cash. Oh my God.
Did you see the standup for cancer last night in the middle of the fucking world series game? You know, sports, the escape from the tragedy and the horrors of day to day living. Let's just remind everybody that everybody here and everybody had this sad look like, I miss my friend Jerry.
He died of cancer. And it was bad enough when they used to fucking do that.
Now they've actually added sad music underneath it. They play sad music.
So I know somebody in the crowd cried. They went to a baseball game and somebody cried.
They made him cry like an Oprah Winfrey interview. Like who in that stadium doesn't know cancer exists? Stand up to cancer.
Like cancer is intimidated. Like, oh shit, they're on their feet.
Cancer's excited. Good, they're on their feet.
They're using up their energy. This will make it even, they're weaker now.
This will be easier. Should be laid down to cancer.
Get eight hours sleep to cancer. Eat some fucking organic food.
So fucking ridiculous. Stand up to cancer

and then these fucking assholes can turn off our food supply into poor. What about what fragrances?

That's another thing. Car fresheners and all that.
Do you know like they don't have to say what's in

them because they're trying to protect their secret formula. Like if somebody found out what

was in polo cologne, they would be making a fucking, like a fucking pot of it at home. So then like, I guess they're, they're like these unbelievable amount of carcinogens.
Like, you know, that, that poop spray, because no one wants to smell your, the, the leftover poison that comes out of your ass after you eat the shit food over here, then they have more cancer causing shit that you spray in the air to kill the smell of fermented fucking toxins. I'm sorry.
I'm a little punch drunk. I'm getting used to the time zone over here.
And, uh, but, I'm talking about a lot of fucked up shit. But this is how I handle it.
This is how I handle it. This is how I handle it.
I just fucking laugh at it. Like, what are you going to do? What are you going to do, right? Oh, my God.
My wife and my daughter fucking rake me over the coals for cursing in front of them.

You know, I came back, I was making breakfast.

I was jet lagged, right?

I couldn't find the oven mitt.

And I had made a Dutch baby

and I was taking it out of the oven.

And like, you know, I had like a dish towel

and the hot part of the handle, right?

Touched my hand and I went, fuck! You know? This is the greatest dad moment in my life was nobody asked me if I was okay. But they criticized the way I, the words I chose to use after burning my hand on a skillet, making them breakfast.
I got rigged over the coals. I was sitting there apologizing while running cold water on my hand.
Sorry, everybody. Didn't mean to upset you.
I'm just cracking myself up today. You know what it is? This is a trauma response.
I was supposed to take the whole fall off, and I don't know what happened. Now I feel like I'm not even home in November.
And I am somewhere in my brain. I'm really sad about that.
So what I do is I just act like an idiot because then i don't want to fucking deal with it um here's something a friend of mine posted the other day this is the donut everybody i fucking i got sugar in me thank god i didn't have a maybe i should have had a coffee to fucking would that have leveled it off no caffeine gets you jacked that's weird because i don't put any sugar in it. So I feel like it's going to be like flat me out.

I started drinking coffee again when I was over in fucking France.

France is not a coffee country.

And they were trying to say that they were.

And I was like, you're not.

You're not.

You're just not a coffee country.

I didn't get one.

I found a good place over there.

Bonjour, Jacob.

Was good.

Okay.

You know what was amazing?

Was to be in Paris and see a fucking Starbucks.

And I was just like, wow, they think that's imported coffee.

It's imported.

Oh my God, it must be good.

It's like Starbucks is the worst.

They're not even trying. They just burn the shit of their beer you go get the fuck out of here put some whipped cream on top of it we own the night starbucks um anyway i just literally forgot what the fuck i was talking about where was i meanderingering towards? Um, not Paris coffee.
Before that we were talking about the donut. That's it.
It's gone. Just like that.
Just like that. Another, another moment that could have happened on the podcast, you know, I'll bring it back.
It's called The Weave.

Um... you know, I'll bring it back.
It's called the weave. Um, you know, guys, I'm going to be honest with you.
I'm thinking about getting a hair system, you know, just, and I, and I want to get a bad one. I'm not going to be like everybody else and fly all the way to Turkey.
Just out of curiosity, what exactly is going on in Turkey that everybody's like,

this is the place to go to get a hair transplant.

Is it really the place to go?

Or are you just that ashamed that you're going to get hair stapled into the top of your head and you want to be as far away as humanly possible?

You know, it'd be funny if that was the reason everybody went out there,

was just because they were so ashamed. Like you couldn't just walk into Cy Sperling and come just come walking out you know what's funny about Cy Sperling is you went in with no hair and just came out with hair that was it it didn't like slowly grow in they they were they were toupees you just come you leave work on Friday right?

fucking it it didn't like slowly grow in they they were they were toupees you just come you go you leave work on friday right fucking bald the horseshoe right the hair on the sides and people see it they see you're a little giddy and a little nervous like what's going on with this guy he doesn't have this the usual sadness that he has on friday afternoons where he knows he's going to be alone with his own thoughts Saturday or Sunday. There's a little excitement.
You think he's got a little puss, little puss on the side? Good for him. You know, some chick out there probably has a fucking horseshoe bald fetish.
Who knows? And then all of a sudden he comes to fucking work on Monday. He's just got this shag rug.
That was the thing, too. It wasn't subtle.
Cy Sperling fucking threw down. You fucking, you left Friday.
You were bald. You came to work on Monday.
You were Greek. He gave you like statue hair.
Like you ever see those Greek fucking statues? Everybody's got those fucking black. Well, they're not black.
They're white. They're white.
But you know what it is. The whole dude is powdered fucking white, which is funny to me.
Because those people are like tan. So I don't know why they made all their statues of these people looking like powdered sugar.
I mean, they're fucking whiter than me. Like, if I ever got signed to do Coppertone for whatever reason, they just thought, like, you know, we're gonna, like, what do they call that? Casting against type.
They would stick me next to two fucking Greek statues so it would seem like it actually worked. Alright, here's a question for you.
this guy's coming down the fucking street

I don't get how these leashes

that are like three miles long

it has a handle on it

you carry it like a transistor radio

and then like the dog

takes off

it becomes longer

and then the guy's able to make it shorter

I don't know

everything is so fucking overly designed

like those electric fucking toilets

I think it's... is able to make it shorter.
I don't know. Everything is so fucking overly designed.
Like those electric fucking toilets. I swear to God, I've almost broken like five of those because they're sexist.
Like the level of effort it takes to keep the fucking both seats up. Like the second one, the bottom one that you sit on for your ass there.
It just keeps fucking coming. It's like,

you got to like fucking, you know, you got to face wash it like three fucking times.

It's like NHL playoffs. You got to like set the tone with it before it finally stands up.

You can take a piss. Um, look at that guy walking down this steep fucking hill,

walking down frontwards. That's when you know you're young,

you get older, you got to walk backwards or somebody has to bring the car around. That's, that's, that's too steep an incline.
I, I, that's going to create bone on bone if I walk down that. However, if you back the fucking car up, that could work.
Um, speaking of which, I told you my Jaguar's acting like a a jaguar i didn't realize they have the same engine as the fucking range rovers land rovers and those things notoriously have all kinds of fucking problems with overheating and that type of thing so i just i got the car fixed though and it seems to be running all right but you know what i'm doing everybody used to do when they had a carbureted engine is people used to let a car warm up before they drove away and uh because if the engine was a little cold it would stall that's why people did it but the reason you're supposed to do it is you want to make sure the oil is up to temperature because when the oil is cold it like almost like coagulates and it's like sludgy so it's not lubing the pistons as they thrust through the fucking chambers um so i've started to do that now and i've noticed on my idiot gauge it has like the temperature and on the bottom the top it has the red and you pay attention but on the bottom, it has blue. I was like, I never paid attention to that.
I'm like, oh, this is fuel injected. I could just start it.
And I've been watching these things. These have been coming because I've been talking about how I have to keep getting my fucking car fixed.
So my phone's listening. So now they're on Instagram.
They're sending me all these things about mechanics and shit. and um the one that they just they were talking about is uh first of all they were talking about like you know the worst car to buy and like the top two were always jaguar and jeeps and range rovers and i was like fuck so anyways but i saw this one mechanic where he goes yeah no i always let my car warm up before i drive it and then another thing too is whatever they recommend you change the oil in divide that in half so if they say once every five with the synthetic oil once every 10 000 miles sometimes they say crazy shit like that 5 000 miles just cut it in half because they want you to wear out your engine because they don't give a fuck what we're doing to the.
They just want to make more money. All right, that's it.
That's it. More baseball, everybody.
And I'll tell you, it kills me as a Red Sox fan to fucking, to give up the level of respect that I have for fucking Yankee fans. It's just like, they are a fucking factor.
They just are. Not those cunts behind home plate.
The rest of them. They really are an amazing fan base.
All right. And with that, so is the Dodgers.
You know? Old Billy even-handed here. Old Billy even-handed.
People, I don't know. It's different, though.
I'm biased towards the East Coast.

I still think the way that they push the team along

is fucking, is incredible.

So I would say like the best fan bases

as far as like, it would be Yankees, Celtics.

All right, so that's baseball, basketball.

Back in the day,

would have been the Canadians because they just expected it. They fucking expected it.
But now they've gone so long, you know, 30 years. They haven't won in 31 years.
And then they've won like two in the last 40 years so it's just it kind of it's maybe I think the older generation you know they're kind of aging out of that but I would still I would say they were great Blackhawk fans are great too um I don't think there's really one standout crowd in the NHL where they just expect to win. But when I was a kid, it was Canadian fans.
And then what does that leave us with? We got football. I just think parity kind of killed that.
When I was growing up, Cowboys and Steeler fans expected it.

I think 49ers have a great fan base.

It's different than just being passionate.

It's not accepting losing.

We expect to win because we always win.

I mean, they are like, no, you're wearing our jersey and that means you win championships. It's a very unique sound.
All right, that's it. That is the podcast.
I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I was giggling like a fucking schoolgirl over here.
All right, that's it. I will talk to you guys later.
Enjoy yourselves. Have a great weekend,

you cunts. Enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themelis.
Then we have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast,

and I will talk to you later. Bye-bye.

Why won't you fucking let me hang up? won't you let there we go hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's the monday morning podcast for monday october 31st 2016 what's going on how are you it's halloween everybody happy halloween oh happy hallow fucking ween happy all the fucking weed you're a fucking teen it's you're too fucking old for candy um what's the cutoff what's the cutoff tonight when the kids come where you just want to be with some of them just be like dude you're too fucking old too fucking old. Cleo, get out of here.
I'll feed you in a minute.

Go on.

I'm telling you, my cutoff is somewhere around like fucking 12.

You know, even around 10.

They just start saying little wise-ass, cunty fucking things.

You know, that's the hardest thing about being an adult around a kid

is they think they're so fucking smart, and it's just like, dou was your age I've been 10 I've been 12 okay then I've been 20 30 40 almost up to 50 alright you dumb fuck do you think I don't know what you're doing do you think you're playing with my mind man I mean you just want to say it to them everybody's got to have Everybody's got to have that. Do you ever have that fucking adult that just fucking, you know, when your parents weren't looking, just looked at you and just told you to shut the fuck up? It probably doesn't happen nowadays because of all the smartphones and everybody's got a video camera and the kid blogs about it.

Next thing you know, you get arrested for I don't know what.

I don't know what.

Cleo, get out of here.

Go on.

Go on.

You know.

But back then, I mean, that's the kind of shit you could do.

I remember we were talking in church, me and my brother and this dude fucking turned around.

He goes, hey, he goes, shut up. He just said that.
He goes, will you shut up? You know, it's just one of those things, you know, and my mother. Then I looked at my mother, and she fucking put her eyebrows up, like, yeah, well, shut the fuck up.
That doesn't happen nowadays. Oh, my, you don't talk.
don't it's emotional abuse verbal abuse no your kid needs to shut the fuck up so what what hour do you there's there's that that fucking hour where they just stop being cute you know they just stop being cute and they get fucking annoying and then it it it goes over the hill where it just becomes like you know they're coming up to your thing and they got the shitty grin smirk on their face i'm telling you this fucking year this fucking year some kid comes up with a smirk on his face i go i'm not giving you any candy because that look on your face this is what i want to say but you can't because of that look on your face and if you do anything to my mailbox or anything anything like that, I'm going to fucking kill you. All right.
You fucking pussy. You don't even know how to drive yet.
Get the fuck out of here. All right.
But you can't say, you know, you can't not not today's America. Not in today's America.
Well, you know what? Trump's going to bring that back. I've had such a bad experience, like all my life, all i've been looking for something i've been waiting for like i i couldn't wait to have a fucking house the kids came by to go trick-or-treating i mean i moved out and um the first time i lived like in the up the attic of a fucking old house that they turned into an apartment it was fucking hilarious and you had to like walk down the center of the apartment so your head wouldn't hit either side of the fucking roof and uh i told you guys this right i didn't have a bed i slept in a sleeping bag and i would sleep right by the window because i didn't we didn't have any ac and then one night there was like some torrential downpour i was sitting there dreaming i was on a boat or something something about water and i woke up just soaking wet um and then you know it's funny i ended up catching a cold and like the next day it was like july it was like 89 degrees out or something and i had a cold like it was fucking November.
Um, oh God, that fucking sucked.

Um,

yeah. out or something and i had a cold like it was fucking november um oh god that fucking sucked um then i moved back in with my parents got my shit together fucking finally graduated fucking college and then when i moved out i ended up going to new york city and people don't go trick-or-treating in new york city they have places where they go where all the fucking candy is and they make sure there's no fucking weirdos there um and then when I finally moved out to LA I don't know people still didn't come to my first apartment is when I got my house you know five years ago they was just like all right now they're going to be coming and I was fucking loaded loaded for bear.
And I did the bit on it. I had the full size candy bars.

Jesus Christ, Cleo, you're driving me nuts.

Get over there and lay down.

There's no way to be mad at a dog for longer than frustrated.

More than three seconds.

Cleo, can you please lay down?

Hey, buddy, lay down.

Down.

Go on.

Lay down. There you go.
And the follow through. Thank you.
I already can tell she's not going to sit there because she's laying down. But she has her ears up and she's just staring at me.
You know what it is? I had to get up early to do this fucking podcast because I got a bunch of shit that I need to do. So anyways, people finally started coming to the fucking house and that's what I found.
You know, as soon as the sun goes down, the first, I know we always talk about this, but you got to admit, it's true. The first like hour and a half, it's the cutest fucking kids you've ever seen.
The parents are great. You know, it's just like a great, it's just, I don't know.
It's fucking awesome. The kids are adorable.
And then somewhere around, I don't know, between seven and eight, it starts switching over and there's just nothing but cunts. Like after like a quarter to nine, I mean, just everybody you see, it's going to be a bunch of fucking, oh man.
You know something? We're renting this fucking house and it's got this crazy driveway. I don't even think anybody's going to come up here.

But next year, I promise you guys, I have to fucking,

I want to open the door and be like, ah, nah.

You guys, you're too old.

You're too old.

Look, go buy some candy.

Get the fuck out of here.

But then you got to worry they're going to fuck up your your house even if they don't do it that night

they're gonna do it another night just be like come on man you guys are too old maybe i'll just lie and be like oh sorry i'm out of candy how tall are you five what yeah i'm out of candy what do you got yeah there's four you're not four eleven fuck out of here you're five foot one bait it.

Or you know what you do?

What's the worst? You're not 4'11. Fuck out of here.
You're 5'1. Beat it.

Or you know what you do?

What's the worst kind of fucking candy?

What's just a shitty old lady kind of candy?

That's what you do.

You know, with the fucking fruit in the middle of it, like real fruit.

Oh, my God.

I don't know about you guys.

I don't know what grandmothers are like nowadays, but when I was a kid, man, my grandma,

my grandparents had the worst fucking candy.

At least one of them did.

And then like the fuck I had a paper route.

And then there was like a bunch of old biddies and shit that,

you know,

a couple that never got married and shit or their dad fucking,

their dad,

their fucking husband died.

And they'd always have like this little candy.

Yeah.

Have a piece of candy.

Right.

And I don't, you go to bite into, Oh God. I didn't know what the fuck it was.
It was just horrible. Just, you know.
It was like, did they put your perfume in the middle of this shit? I'm sorry. I'm just saying it was disgusting, all right? So anyways, I'm actually going to a Halloween party tonight.
I was going to make some pumpkin bread for the host. Right.
I was like, uh, the party and Nia's going like, I was like, ah, man, I got so much shit to do when I get, and I got to make that pumpkin bread. And then she just goes like, well, why don't you just like not do that? We'll just, you know, we'll go get a bottle of champagne.
She always does that. She always goes, you make your life so fucking hard.
It's like it's pumpkin bread. It's not that.
It's just like it's fucking. It's going to take me like, you know, 10 minutes to put it together and then throw it in the fucking oven for an hour.
It's just a pain in the ass to do it. She, why don't we just do this? It's like, what the fuck? Just be another asshole showing up with a bottle of wine as opposed to showing up with pumpkin bread? The fuck is, you know, I don't know.
I don't know. Sometimes, I don't know.
Sometimes we don't fucking, we just don't see it. Like, I want to make my own steamed dumplings.
She goes, I just buy him a Trader Joe's. You know, those are the times, you know what I mean? Those are the times we just want to kind of smile and nod and just slowly back towards the front door, get in a car and just never come back again.
Yeah? In other words, lie to yourself that that's what you're going to do for the next 20 minutes as you drive around, you know, talking to yourself at fucking red lights and you look over. You know, some beautiful woman, half your age is going, look at that crazy bald old guy.
And you just sit there and you got to be like, wow, I'm the crazy bald old guy. No one's going to want me out here.
And then you'd get, you go back home and then that's it. That's how it works.
But every once in a while, not actually once in a while, more people than not can commit to that.

They can back their way out the front door and they can go through with it.

They take it all the way to the divorce.

You know, they go out, they get themselves a toupee.

You know, they paint it orange. They get a red tie.

They run for office.

They start people up at truck stops.

This election is so fucked up that.

It's got really quieted down after the last fucking debate, if that's what the fuck you want to call it.

My big thing this year is I want to know, um, it's just fucking lose, lose. It's fucking lose, lose at the, at the thing.
And you know something, as much as I've been sitting here fucking saying, you know, Trump's a fucking racist and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's just like, well, you know, the Clintons are from Arkansas.
So, you know, I don't think they're too fucking enlightened down there either, you know. You know, I know I'm just fucking being stereotypical here, but give me a break.
Old Bill and fucking Hillary, they grew up in Arkansas in like the 50s. You might want to go back and look at some of those fucking racist, you know, the racist people screaming at black people, kids going to school for the first time.
you might want to go back and look at some of those fucking racist you know the racist people screaming at black people kids going to school for the first time you might want to try to pick her head out or something like that give me a fucking break you're from arkansas i love that shit where just because you're a democrat that just means that you know that you're not homophobic you're not racist or i have a i wear blue i just don't fucking or that if you're a republican then that automatically means that you're you know you want to bury babies in the backyard you know unless they're fucking blue-eyed white babies you know what i mean like that whole fucking you're into the corporations and all that they're all fucking cunts and you know how i know that because i'm a cunt too and i'm somewhere in the middle i like to think i think. I definitely lean more fucking left.
But I'm also a contrarian. And now I live out here in Hollywood.
And I just can't fucking deal with these people out here. And it's driving me.
I don't think it's driving me to the right. It's driving me to say things on the right just to fuck with these people.
Like I love trashing Hillary out here. It's one of my favorite fucking things to do.
You know, I last night I was fucking around the stage and I was talking about that. I was talking about how, you know, well, Hillary's from fucking Arkansas, everybody.
And they all kind of laughed. I go, you know, those, those fucking flyover states that you guys all shit on out here, you know? And, uh, you know, of course it gets fucking, I don't know, whatever.
You know what the big thing is on this ballot is wherever the fuck you live more important than one of that orange headed fucking racist cunt or that devil woman with her fucking issues. Right.
She lived in Arkansas in the 1950s. Jesus Christ.
Right. Give me a fucking break.
You know what the biggest fucking thing is? Sorry, I'm losing my train of thought here. Is all the props, the state propositions.
And this is what pisses me off. So I go to this website to try to figure out California's 17 ballot measure propositions explained.
All right. And all they do, they sort of explain the thing.
But what they don't have, what I cannot find is all the bullshit that is attached to each one of these propositions. Like this shit is so fucked up and I do not understand why this is never addressed.
why aren't all these propositions like no means yes, yes means no, and then there's a little bit of maybe in there. And then if you vote for the fucking shit, there's some other measure saying that, you know, yeah, it's okay to fucking stick a baby in a snowbank for fucking, you know, 13 hours until it freezes to death or whatever.
However fucking long it would take, you know? I just, I can't find anything that says all the shit that's attached to it. Why can't the fucking ballot just be fucking, the proposition just be written clearly so regular people understand it? Yes means yes, no means no, and there's nothing else attached to it.
You know, like they'll say, all right, here we go. Proposition 51 allows the sales of $9 billion in bonds to pay for new kindergarten to 12th grade and community college facilities.
The basics. Roughly 6 million students attend K-12.
You know what the fuck it is. Proposition 51 wants to address the needs by allowing the sale of $9 billion in general obligation bonds to pay for buildings and modernizing K-12 and community college.
It's the first school bond measure on the state ballot since 2006. It's unusual because it's sponsored by the building industry.
Okay, right there. The fact that it's sponsored by the building industry means they're going to charge us up the fucking ass.
And in the end, even though they get $9 billion, they're going to come in with the fucking tab of about $15 billion. And then they're going to be like, well, we already started it, so I guess we got to physically physically move some fucking shit from something like so typically the legislator would be the path for getting this kind of proposition on the ballot but it hasn't been able to do so in recent years yeah the fact that the building industry wants to do it you already know this is crooked as shit what you're voting on about seven billion nearly 80 see look at this shit seven billion be allocated to the K to 12 thing.
And what another 2 billion would be for the community college. I got to read all of this shit.
Supporters include developers, builders, school board officials, and business groups. I don't like any of those people.
All right. Supporters say, all right.
Supporters say many of our schools need repairs and upgrades to make them safe for our children that's very vague proposition 51 will improve education overall and help expand space and community colleges so more students can attend opponents say prop 54 would add to the state debt which is already more than 400 billion How the fuck is California $400 billion in debt? Bond measures should be passed locally, giving communities control of how the money is spent. Jesus.
Do you feel any closer? All right, so there's one comment. Close the eliminate anchor baby citizenship and reinstitute and reinstitute of all provisions of prop proposition 187 let's talk about building more schools sorry i used to always vote yes on these now sacramento has changed my vote i always vote no on schoolid pro quo, baby.
What does quid pro quo mean? What the fuck is it? Quid pro quo meaning? I love that everybody else is as dumb as me. A favor or advantage granted or expected in return for something.
That doesn't get me any close to understanding it. Quid pro quo.
Jesus fucking Christ. What am I on law and order here? Quid pro quo means an exchange of goods or services where one transfer is contingent upon the other.
English speakers often, is this tit for tat? Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ. English speakers often use the term to mean a favor for a favor.
Phrases with similar meanings would include give and take, tit for tat, and you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. Quid pro quo.
I guess that's the fucking snooty way of saying that shit. Let's go back to close the borders here so I can try to figure out what his fucking point is.
Oh get it close the fucking borders and then i'll fucking then i'll give money to this all right i see what the guy's saying i don't know if it's right or not all right fuck politics all right you know what i tried i fucking tried old freckles has not flipped out about technology and i figured out how to watch the nhL on my phone because somebody in the room knew how to do it. And they walked me through it.
And at one point I started to get upset because I go, it's not going on. He goes, what do you mean it's not going on? It's supposed to go on now and now.
I go, and then I started getting mad. I go, why would it go on? Why would it go on? It's me.
If I fucking just brought it down, bring it down, bring it down. You know what I mean? Like you ever see somebody like revving up the engine, ready to do a burnout? Then I brought it all the way down, you know, before the tires stopped moving.
And I realized that was not the tires. I was actually burning out the clutch.
That's one of the most disgusting things you'll ever see is somebody trying to do a fucking burnout. And I don't know what happens.
I still don't quite understand. I've never done one.
I just never wanted to beat the shit out of my car. I basically get it with a stick shift.
I don't know how you do it with an automatic. I've watched fucking the videos.
But it's basically you get your RPMs up, you let the clutch out, and then you stomp on the fucking brake. So your tires are already fucking going.
But somehow if you fuck that up, you let the clutch out.

And you're revving the engine.

And your tires aren't fucking moving.

And you burn out your clutch.

And I don't know what that smells like.

But the smoke is evil looking.

All right.

Let's move on here. Oh.

Did anybody watch the Patriots game yesterday?

Cleo, get over there and lay down every oh isn't about you go on go lay down go lay down um i can't even fucking begin to tell you how much i enjoyed that the fact that the fucking patriots beat the bills yesterday i didn't say this because i take a beforehand because i take a nod i get what bill belichick does in his press conferences where he's like i'm not going to say anything negative about anybody i'm not going to give you any advantages because you fucking fat cunts in the media are going to take this and give bulletin board material for the other team i gotta tell you watching the fucking buffalo when we played them, when we had a third string quarterback with a broken fucking hand or whatever the fuck was wrong with him, how they got in his face before the game was such a Bush League fucking move to the point like I've always liked Buffalo. I might be done with that franchise.
Like I used to give a shit. Ah, you know, they lost four in a row.
Now I'm just like, you know what? Fuck them. You know, it's like you're that insecure that you're not going to win the fucking game that you got to try to pull some shit like that.
And I was just like that. Then I was just thinking, you're like, you know what? Two great things happened.
We lost. So now we don't have to deal with the pressure of the fucking undefeated season.
of the extra media hype that comes if new england's going undefeated if you're fucking indianapolis with old fucking uh what the fuck's his name there peyton manning you can be all the way to 13 and oh nobody's saying nothing man they're right down the street from them cows right so you took that away and then also i'm like the patriots are gonna beat the shit out of this fucking team the next time because of that bullshit because i know in house they must have talked about it and there you go you get 41 fucking points whatever the fuck we scored um against you haven't said all that i'd like to say a lot of positive things like tyrod taylor's like impossible to fucking tackle i know the bills had a bunch of fucking injuries and i'd make those excuses but they don't give a fuck those fucking animals they don't give a shit they were talking all kinds of trash to a third string quarterback like they were coming out on the field getting ready to lose another fucking super bowl i love that you're fucking ringless i love that you're four and three hey buffalo we're on our way to the playoffs. See you next year, fuckos.

Woo!

Oh, I enjoyed that.

I really fucking enjoyed that.

You know, fucking Rex Ryan told them to do it too.

Oh God, I've been waiting to go off on this.

You fucking get out there and you fucking, fucking, fucking, fucking

because we're the best fucking, fucking

in the fucking AFC fucking East.

Yeah, go have another fucking hero, you tub of shit.

You want to talk about cheating?

You know, we let a little air out of the ball.

He got fucking that stomach gastric surgery.

He's a fat fuck.

He cheated.

Let an air out of the ball.

He had to fucking choke out three quarters of his stomach so he could actually see his dick every once in a while oh sorry sorry anyways um yeah i and and i gotta tell you something else the fucking watching this world series i've gone back and forth back and forth and back and forth about who the fuck i'm rooting for. I mean, how do you do it? One team's waiting fucking 70, not quite 70 years, right? 68 years? Is that what it is? Yeah, 68 years.
The other team hasn't even been to the fucking World Series in 71 years. And I know what you guys are thinking.
Well, Bill, you're a fucking Red Sox fan. How come you're not for the Cubs? i was totally for the cubs until i saw the 30 for 30 on on fucking bartman and when i watched it all of their uh hey let's play two you know hey you know we're the lovable fucking losers we always show up we just root for them all of that went out the window the way that they fucking what the what they did to that kid i just looked at that shit going like that's exactly what would have happened to that if someone in boston did that new york philly cleveland these cubs fans for all their fucking you know mr smith goes to watch washington fucking uh apple pie and chevrolet way that they did they're just like us they're fucking animals i'm not saying they're as bad as

bills fans or that fucking franchise those cunts that time i was wearing a patriots hat it was the

bills jets i was rooting for the bills i'm taking a piss in the bathroom and somebody pushed me

from behind while i was taking the piss what kind of a fucking coward maybe there's a reason the

last four in a fucking row you know i used to think it was because of my levy he was just too nice to win a fucking super bowl and he went up against jimmy johnson let's get him some hookers and a corvette right um and fucking whatever that other guy's name is jerry jones with his real housewife fucking looking face. Good Lord.
That guy always looks like, you know, he got like first degree burns on his face or maybe like slightly like into the second degrees. But he was like, all right.
He refused medical treatment and he just put some salve on his face. I know.
I'm going hard this week. I don't know why.
I have no idea why. I'll tell you why.
You know why? Because last night I wanted to fucking come home and do my goddamn podcast. But my wife, you know, wanted to watch a scary movie.
So I said, okay, let's watch it. So we started watching that Badooka-Dook-Dook, whatever the fucking that thing is.
And I got about 40 minutes into that movie. It's like, honey, I don't want to watch the rest of this.
All right. I hate watching scary movies because I buy in.
I fucking buy in. And I'm just like, I don't want to watch this thing terrorizing this woman and the kid for the next fucking 90 goddamn minutes.
Because I know neither one of them is going to die, and I know eventually they're going to figure out how to put

Badookadook back into the fucking thing, and

then they're going to do something with the book that

lets me know that there's going to be another one,

because they're always, you know,

fucking horror movies can never just fucking

end, you know what I mean? Every

one of them, they got to get greedy, like

Friday the 13th, part fucking 97,

you know what I mean?

Nightmare on Elm Street, you know? They did like 20 of those. Hellraiser 15.
Evil Dead Part 6. They just want to keep fucking going.
And I don't know. I just don't like fucking sitting there having anxiety.
You know? And with each scene, they're gradually going to ramp it up. The first time first time oh it's just a little bit of knocking and then there's a shadow and then you know i was just like this thing's gonna i got a bad feeling this thing's gonna kill the dog and i don't want to fucking see that all right they already foreshadowed in the book that that's what's what's gonna happen you know they kind of showed you basically with the pop-up book fuck off if you think i'm ruining this this it's this is like paint by numbers every fucking one of them i'm getting upset because i just hate so i was like i don't want to watch the rest of this so she ends up shutting it off and then she's like fucking pissed she's like fucking pissed at me and it's just like i like westworld my wife doesn't give a fuck about westworld i'm still on episode two because every night i want to fucking watch it she's like yeah i want to watch the real housewives of fucking st louis or whatever the fuck it is so anyways let me get back to the cubs thing so right out of the gate not only is the country it seems for the Chicago Cubs, it's kind of having this vibe of this foregone conclusion that they're kind of going to win this thing.
So I have family, or I had family back in the day, out in Ohio. My grandmother worked for the Cleveland Press, you know.
And way back in the day, I had family. You know, I just i just had family about there right and so growing up i kind of was you know i was always a red socks fan but uh you know i kind of you know through my relatives also kind of rooted for the indians you know what i mean like i didn't i didn't mind the indians even though they were in our division way back in the day um that and the tigers you know what i mean just because of relatives cousins and all that shit so i was just like you know i kind of like the fucking indians and you know that steve bartman shit like the level that they took that to that's exactly what would have happened in philly and all this shit if it if it happened out in la that poor kid would have got killed you know what what I mean? Or San Diego or Sacramento or Fresno or one of these fucking lunatic fucking cities out here where they take sports.
Oakland way too seriously. San Francisco.
You know? So it made me just kind of fucking sort of pull back, and then also, it's like, you know what?

I'm kind of over these fucking cities

that have two professional teams in one sport.

It's like Chicago won a World Series.

They won it in 2005,

and that whole fucking thing where it's like,

well, that was for the south side of the city.

So what, you need another one for the north side?

Thank you. And that whole fucking thing where it's like, well, that was just that was for the south side of the city.
So what you need another one for the north side. Fuck the White Sox and the Cubs.
If one of them wins, just fucking jump on a subway or walk three blocks downtown or uptown and join the fucking parade already. Same thing with the Yankees and the Mets, the Lakers and the Clippers and everything in fucking New York Giants Jets Yankees Mets fucking Rangers Islanders Knicks and Nets just fuck off with that shit already it's a New York team if they win buy your championship hat and go down there and just be happy that especially New York that you're so fucking filthy stinking fucking rich that you can have eight teams where everybody else is doing backflips if they just have one in every sport.
You know? Isn't it amazing that New York has all those fucking teams and they don't win that much? You'd think that, Jesus Christ, you got eight at-bats every fucking year. The fucking Yankees, I swear to God, are like the sugar daddy of New York City.
You know what I mean? The Giants are the favorite, son, and everybody else is getting written out of the will. That's basically how it works with the sports in New York.
You know what? New York should get three teams in every fucking city. Maybe they could fucking do something.
Other than the Yankees and the Giants. I have totally fucking respect for them.
But Jesus Christ, the fucking Knicks should combine with the Nets, you know, make like a fucking dream team of those two shit shows. Same thing with the Rangers and the Islanders.
You know, I don't know the Jets and the Mets. I don't know what they should do.
They should both retire and they should start playing badminton. Oh, Jesus, Bill.

So anyway, so I'm really fucking sitting there and I'm loving seeing Terry Francona killing it.

And it gets all the way up to three games to one.

All right?

And I don't know.

Something happened.

Okay?

My Cleveland friends, comedians, one of them in particular just starts, he's just talking all this shit, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he starts to, we won the basketball, now we're going to win the baseball, you know, you watch, we're going on a fucking run, with no fucking respect, and he's talking to a fan from Boston. You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, you're going to win two in one fucking year.

Yeah, we did that.

We did that a couple of times.

And then we won every fucking, we did all of this other shit.

I'm not fucking throwing that in your face.

I'm always the guy going like, I don't know, we'll see.

I don't know, the other team's tough.

I never believe we're going to do it until we do it.

And then we do, then I'm fucking psyched.

And you can go back to my podcast.

I wasn't even a cunt when we beat Seattle.

So these guys are acting like such fucking cunts.

You know what I mean?

Oh, we got LeBron.

We're going to fucking do it again this year.

Oh, LeBron?

Oh, you mean the guy that you guys all burned his jersey and you're all done with?

Verzi called that one.

Oh, Paul Verzi called that one. Paul Verzi called that one Paul Verzi fucking when he was in Miami and these Cleveland fans were saying fuck that guy blah blah blah blah Verzi said to him you guys are all gonna be sucking his dick when he comes back to town and they were like no way that's never gonna happen well it's happening that whole city's on their fucking knees so anyways so at some point after they went up three games to one i went back to the cubs the reality is is i don't give a shit who wins this fucking thing because it's going to be great for one city it's going to be devastating for the other city um obviously.
So here's the deal. This is what's at stake with this World Series.
If the Cubs win, the Indians become the Cubs. They become the ones that have gone the fucking longest, all right? So they can't fucking lose, all right? If Cleveland wins, all right, not only the Cubs still the Cubs, as far as my quick research showed me, the next people in line for second place would be the Colt 45s slash Houston Astros that started in 1962.
In 1962, the Chicago Cubs were already 54 years into their drought. Okay? 1962 is 54 years from where the fuck we are right now.
Right? So the Astros are 54 years into their drought where the Cubs were in 1962 and the Cubs are now twice that at 108. I don't know what the fuck that means.
Does that mean that you should go play the lottery right now? 54, 62, 108. I have no idea what that fucking means.
It's just, you know, one of those number things. But I got to tell you, it's almost fitting that if the Cubs are going to win it, that they would torture their fucking fans to this level.
And it's fitting that if the Indians were going to lose it, they would go up three to one to lift their fucking team's hopes. This is why I think the Cubs are going to win.
If Terry Francona wasn't in that dugout, the master. By the way, he needs, that guy needs a nickname like the assassin.
He needs like a boxer nickname. Like, remember, Lights Out, James Toney, you know? Or the Executioner, Bernard Hopkins.
He needs a name like that. It's just that he doesn't look like that, but that's exactly what that guy is.
All right? But what I'm saying is because of what these teams have done to their fans, it would be fitting that the fucking Cubs wouldn't just go in and win the fucking thing so their fans could just relax and finally enjoy a series. They would have to go down three to one before they'd come back.
And then Cleveland couldn't just lose the series. They'd have to go up three games to one.
So this is what's crazy about three. You're up three games to one.
You're like, holy fuck. You're starting to take the wire off the champagne bottle at that

point right but then all of a sudden you fucking lose game five and just instantly it's like holy fuck if we lose the next one it's all tied up so now the pressure is on the indians i'll tell you the cubs are going in there they're playing loose they got nothing to lose other than fucking a 108 year drought

I don't know who's on the mound

I don't know what

But um They're playing loose. They got nothing to lose other than fucking a 108-year drought.
I don't know who's on the mound. I don't know what.
But I'm going to say the obvious. The Cubs got to go.
They got to score early and make the fucking Indians tighten up. That's what the fuck they got to do.
Or that's what's going to happen in game six. Either the Cubs are going to score early.
Indians fucking tighten up and then lose the game. And then we get a game seven.
Or if the Indians go up early, it's going to be a bloodbath. It's going to be a shit show.
I'm hoping the first thing happens because I want to see a game seven

against a team that hasn't won in 108 years and a team that hasn't won in

fucking, what is it, 68 fucking years?

68 is adorable to a Red Sox fan.

That's fucking hilarious.

I don't give a fuck.

We were there in like the 70s, right?

What was 68 for us?

What was that, the Mets?

Let's see, 1918 to 1978. That's 60 years.
Right? Yeah, 86. That was 1986.
So you're just at Bill Buckner. Go fuck yourselves.
You know? You're just at Bill Buckner. As far as where i'm coming from you got to go another fucking uh another 18 years to 2004 so i guess i won't root for the indians no i can't i fucking i don't know my relatives got me into the indians i don't know what to do i don't know who to root for here you know i'm rooting for i'm rooting for? I'm rooting for a game seven.
Rooting for a game seven.

And then they're going to go up against each other.

And one team's finally going to win that critical game seven

and get the monkey off their back.

And then another one is just going to add another giant cinder block

right on the fucking hearts of their fans.

It's going to, oh, God.

This one has train written all over it.

All right, let me read a little bit of fucking advertising.

Ah, Jesus there, Bill. You didn't fucking copy and paste them um i hope by the way you guys are watching the series because it's it's been unbelievable what a fucking great series it's been um oh christ what am i doing come on bill click here click there all right how many do we got here all right okay here we go oh luc crate everybody give me the loot actually great shit you know what i mean you look and smell great when you go on a date you know what i mean that's good for the ladies you know maybe they'll be a little less upset when you're going to make your move that night um all right what do i want to talk about now let's go let's go to uh oh i went down to um i went down to lago last night been slogging through my new fucking bullshit trying to see where the uh the new hour is going to come from and uh i don't know we'll see we'll see all i know is i don't have any fucking road gigs till

february so i can just totally chill out i've been working out and eating like a fucking animal though you know i made this pumpkin bread and shit you know rogan gave me some of that elk burger i made it late last night and then i had a slice of pumpkin bread after it so it's weird it's like i'm in really good shape, but I also got this belly. But I don't know.
Like, I love the fucking holidays. And to me, the holidays is you throw down, you cook, you make stuff for your friends.
You know what I mean? Fuck that. I'm not getting a fucking bottle of champagne.
You know what? I'm going to finish this fucking podcast, and I'm going to go out and make some goddamn pumpkin bread. Alright? I'll show my

wife. I'll show her who's boss.

By the way, you guys really

enjoyed that two-hour podcast, huh?

I think we just went into a zone.

A two-hour podcast is a long-ass

fucking time. Unless you're hanging with Joe Rogan,

who I hung out

with and finally got him on the podcast

last Thursday, if you missed it.

Once again, he has a new amazing stand-up special called triggered um we talked about everything from hunting elk and wild fucking boar to uh working out ufc shit election stuff stand-up comedy um just had a great fucking time um but his special is on netflix so definitely check it out if you get a chance and uh all right let's get back to um let's get back to the uh the podcast here oh f1 action in f1 action i totally missed the fucking race but i read up on it lewis hamilton wins again for those of you sort of keeping score now that i've been keeping score um you get 25 points if you win 18 for second 15 for third then it's 12 10 8 6 4 2 1 right that's the top by the top fucking 10 works um cleo you could not be more adorable right now what it is is she wants f-o-o-d i got up a little bit early to do this. So now she's come over.
She sat down next to me. Her ears are down.
And she's rested her head on my arm. And she's just staring at me.
Like I don't know what's going on. All right, dude.
I got another 20 minutes. Just fucking relax.
No, no, no, no. Not coming up on the couch.
Go on. Go lay down.
Go lay down. Go lay down.
Cleo, get out of here, please. Jesus Christ.
What the fuck? Get it. Get out of here.
Cleo, get off of the couch. Lay down.
Oh, now she's needy. All right.
Anyways. So, Rosbergberg had a fucking league in the last two fucking races hamilton has won both so he's shaved 14 fucking points off of the lead all fucking nico had to do was fucking win one more race i felt if he could have won it yesterday he could have wrapped this thing up i'm kind of glad that he didn't because i want to see the person fucking wrap it up um so the next race I believe is in Brazil which is not until November 13th and I apologize to uh F1 fans because I know I got into this shit and then I just dropped the ball in like the last four or five ones but I'm fucking living in this goddamn house.
I fucked up.

I forgot that it was this week

and that I actually figured out through Apple TV

or some shit that I patiently worked my way through

and actually figured out that I could actually get,

was it NBC Sports?

Is that the name of the channel?

And I could have watched the game.

I should have watched the race.

So I got to go home today,

my house around the fucking corner. Tape that fucking thing.
By the way, the kitchen's just come to a grinding fucking halt. I don't know why, but they're still telling us that they're going to finish on fucking time.
So whatever. Whatever.
I'm sure they will. I'm fucking sure they will.
All right, let's get out of this. Let's do some, what can I talk about now? Did you guys watch Clemson, Florida? Fucking amazing game.
I also watched the, not Clemson, Florida, Florida State. Then I also watched Florida, fucking Georgia.
And you know, I was thinking when I first saw it, I was just like, man, I got to go to that game. I got to go to that game in Jacksonville, the biggest outdoor cocktail party in the world, as they and i'm like i bet the fans are cool with each other they're fucking you know because it's a neutral site you know everybody's just psyched to be away from their house sorry i'm fucking yawning here um georgia scores first they cut to the georgia fans in the stands and i clearly see this guy turned around not facing the field and just giving the finger to the Florida fans above him and I'm just like wow all right it's at that level okay it's at that fucking level I you know I really had no interest in going to that game I want to go to the swamp and I've been to a Georgia home game between the hedges and I've been to a Jacksonville versus Bengals game so I felt like I've been to that stadium but after seeing i was like fuck man that looks like fun and i always have a great time in jacksonville everybody shits on jacksonville it's a good fucking time if you take the stick out of your ass um you can go to a gun range shoot guns with the with the with the fucking silencer on all right cleo the only thing i'm gonna do is just sit here and pet you as I do the rest of this.
All right. All right.
Westwood. Dear Bill.
Glad you love Westworld. For some reason, he wrote Westwood in the beginning.
Glad you love Westworld. I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the rest of the season.
If you like that and you're looking for a great movie to watch, check out The 13th Floor. It came out in the late 90s and deals with similar themes.
Are you into reading fan theories? A common one now that is a non-spoiler is that Ed Harris' character and the nice guy who's new to the park are the same person. Another claims that it's actually all on Mars.
Oh, for Westworld? Yeah. Well, I got to get caught up before people ruin shit.
I'll definitely check out the 13th floor. And I think I'm going to watch an episode, episode three of Westworld, because I think they're up to five at this point.
I'm going to watch that today and I'm going to get caught up in, you know, because my wife fucking cheated on me with TV. You know what I mean? When you guys have your shows, right?

We watch that show Below Deck with the yachties get on there, right?

And it's just, it's a reality show that we can both watch because they're always in the fucking Mediterranean.

They got a fucking yacht.

It's the shit.

We always think, oh, we should do that.

It'd be fucking awesome.

And then you look up the prices and it's like the price of a house

to rent one of those fucking things.

You got to be like Beyonce and Jay-Z.

Like both of you can sell out the Rose Bowl

on any given fucking night, you know?

You got to be to that level of wealth

to fucking justify.

Do you realize the two of them

are almost worth a billion dollars?

So for them to blow 250 grand on a fucking yacht is like, let's just say you're worth a hundred million dollars. If you're worth a hundred million dollars, 250 grand is like 0.25% of your money, right? Because a million is like 1%, right? So I don't know how to work that out.
It's like 25% of 1%, whatever the fuck that is, of your money. And they're worth 10 times that.
So that's like you and I, hey, you want a yacht for a week, and you take a penny out of your pocket, and you break it into four fucking pieces and just hand it to them. There you go.
There you go. Yeah, we'd like all the amenities.
Anyways, i will definitely be uh be checking that out ed

harris is like as always as always one of the greatest actors of all fucking time um i'll watch anything that that guy's in i swear to god the only thing i never saw was when he was the one where,

oh,

God,

yawning again.

Fuck.

The only one where, oh, God, yawning again. Fuck.
The only one I never saw was the one where he played the painter, and that got nominated, or he got nominated for an Oscar, so I still haven't seen that one, so I've got to check that out. All right, Old Toys.
Dear Billy Potato Head. I love that.
That's a good one because that kind of shits on my Irish heritage and then also makes fun of the shape of my head. If you ever have kids, will you try and expose them to toys that you enjoyed as a child? You strike me as a matchbox car kid.
I don't force the toys of my childhood on my kids, but I've put a couple army men in their general area to give them a chance to play like I did. I am a huge, um, agreeer of that proponent of that opponent of that proponent.
Oh, that's what proponent means. You're pro, right? I never knew what that meant.
I just kind of figured that out. Oh, opponent proponent.
Oh, pumpkin bread, pro pumpkin bread.

I get it.

Yeah, absolutely.

I absolutely will do that.

My big thing is playing catch.

And, you know, I'm going to buy a fucking,

I'm going to buy a lefty glove for myself.

Thank you. You know, I'm going to buy a fucking I'm going to buy a a lefty glove for myself is what I'm going to do, because I can throw a little bit with my left hand.
And rather than just sitting there firing it into my kid, I'd fucking I'm going to I'm going to go with the left hand. We were doing that yesterday.
We had a football, right? This place that we're renting here has this fucking great pool. So it was halftime of the florida game we're out there smoking cigars and shit and we finished that up we got the game turned up loud so the game became there was four guys right so you had two on one side of the pool two on the other side of the pool so you had to throw with your opposite hand first person that sent it into the pool or if you had a catchable ball and it fell into the pool was uh i don't know whatever the fuck it was was was that thing that word you can't fucking say anymore because everybody gets offended and it's not a racial slur but it is you know you know you know the word um nobody said it but we all knew we you know without saying you know we're older, like that's what it means.
Um, so anyways, uh, yeah, I would definitely do that. I was, I was not a matchbox car kid.
I, I was Corgi cars. We used to call them Corgi cause we didn't know it was pronounced Corgi until we got older.
And I'm so old that I remember when they had rubber wheels on them and I had the giant oil truck. I was big.
I had all the race cars. I had had the Johnny Player Special I had the Jackie Stewart Elf car and my mother doesn't throw out shit so I still have all of them um I had one of those you know that that kind of racing where the car just looks like a giant doorstop um it wasn't Formula One it wasn't it's not IndyCar racing it's not open wheel you racing.
It's not open wheel. You know what? The car looks like a water slide.
Like you could, you could slide from the fin all the way down to the front. I don't know what kind I had a white and red one of those, um, Lincoln logs, Lego, Lego blocks.
Um, you know, stuff like that. I think it's big to not have you to keep your kids, you know, I don't know.
You got to get them outside and you gotta, you gotta keep them in their own. Like, I don't know.
I have such a hatred of computers and iPads and all of that shit. Um, and kids just love them.
I mean, they go up to it like, you know, liquid television type of shit, you know? Back in the day, the MTV, I remember that graphic. It used to just make me want to sit down and watch it.
I don't know. Mr.
Potato Head? I don't know about that. Definitely like board games.
I think it'd be fun. Playing cards.
I think it's cool to expose your kids to that, you know, so they have like that old school shit. Like, wasn't it always the greatest? Like when, like for me, if I met some woman, I took her out on a date and she had, she had some old school stuff about her.
You know what I mean? That stuff that was sort of passed down. I think that's really like a cool thing.
And I think, uh, like some shit, like playing cards, playing catch, like going outside, it's just like, you know, riding bicycles, just like all that shit is going away. And, um, I'm not one of these old people that I look at young kids and be like, you know, what are they doing today? They're fucking nuts.
And these kids today, they don't get it. And it's just like I totally get why they're doing it.
Because I had to tap out Grand Theft Auto. Three in like 2003 or 2004, I had to unplug my PlayStation and stick it in the back of the closet.
I literally just one day, it was like the fifth day in a row. I was just playing all day long and I could not stop.
I had already beat the game. I got the cheats.
I did all of that shit. And then I was just going on rampages every night, just shooting up the city.
And I just, you know, I kind of just lost everything else in my life.

I wasn't writing jokes and all that shit.

So that was like 13 years ago. So I can't imagine how amazing the games are.

And like the virtual reality goggles and all of that shit. I can't even fucking imagine like how you get your kid to go in the backyard and just have a game of catch.
Like to me, that's the greatest fucking thing ever. I think it's a great way to communicate with your kid.
You know what I mean? Because it's like you're doing, it's another activity going on, so they're not really paying attention.

You can praise them when they're doing well, build up their confidence,

and then you just slide in.

So how's it going at school?

And then you just read them.

Ah, it's going great.

All right, so it's going good.

If you see them kind of look down, ah, it's all right.

Ah, what's the matter?

What's going on?

And they can kind of open up to you.

I think it's like a great way to, I think it's really important early on

to be able to do that.

To have your kid be able to come to you if they have a fucking problem is a huge thing.

But how you sit there with a glove and a ball and how that competes with putting on fucking reality glasses

and you feel like you're going to fucking base jump off of a building or whatever the fuck they do. I don't know what the fuck they do with those things.
Yeah, that's a difficult one. I love Lincoln Logs.
I didn't like Lego blocks. You stepped on them in your bare feet.
They fucking hurt. Not the Lincoln Logs did, but like that plastic shit.
I wasn't into that as much as the Lincoln Logs were cool. We used to fucking build those things.
We build houses and then we would, you know, with that Corgi car, Corgi cars, whatever the fuck they're called, drive them around. We'd have traffic jams and all of that type of shit.
We had names for everybody that drove the cars. Remember, I had all the fucking race cars in and all my it's weird.

They drove like a Formula One car to work and then they drove the trucks.

I had trucks and racing cars.

Then my other brother, who's a total fucking gearhead, he actually liked like the real looking cars, like a Volkswagen Bug or like a station wagon wagon like he wanted to look like the cars that you could actually fucking drive um i know my mother didn't throw all of those out jesus christ it's fucking nuts they're all up in the attic somewhere all right election bill the election is right around the corner a couple weeks ago you eulogized the great barrierrier Reef. Any last words for this election?

Not the country as a whole because I don't think it'll fall apart.

But I imagine this has exposed the side of our country that we've been able to keep under wraps for a while.

Which is that no one ever pays attention to anything unless it's an easy talking point.

That everything is more fucked up than we know or would like to admit what's the worst thing that will happen if either candidate wins uh well if trump wins the worst thing is we're going to have to listen to all these european countries talk about how dumb americans are especially people in england and i just want to say to them like you know what what if you threw out the person every four to eight years and i would love to see what the fuck you end up with you know what i mean some years it's just not a good draft that fucking uh whatever the fuck his name is tony blair that guy's been in there since bush not even saying that guy's good but you just get somebody in there and they just stay there until they die doesn't he have like margaret thatcher's job oh the original hillary clinton hillary clinton can't even say her fucking name uh what's the worst uh that will happen um i don't know if trump wasn't such a fucking jerk off he wasn't such a jerk off it's really what the country needs you need somebody who isn't a part of the fucking system you don't but you just can't have a guy like that in there and then hillary is just going to be more of the fucking same it's just going to keep driving this country towards ruin dude none of them talked about the population problem none of them talked about the nationwide heroin epidemic none of them talked about genetically altered food none of them talked about fucking global warming maybe they touched on it for a second they haven't said shit they're not going to do anything none of them going to try to stop the banks put them in fucking line they're building another real estate bubble i'll tell you what's fucking hilarious out here is they are building up la like i've never fucking seen they bought up the house of blues right across the street from the fucking comedy store. They paid like $28 million for the thing.
They're going to put these high-rise fucking multi-million dollar fucking condos in there. It's like, who the fuck's going to afford to buy those things? All right? And this is the thing.
After 2008, after we saw what happened, they fucking gave the houses. None of the bankers went to jail jail they gave them the houses back so they could do it all over again they're building another fucking bubble and i'm already calling it right now by fucking 2021 2022 or some shit there is going to be a bunch of empty fucking condo fucking high rises going along the sunset strip and they have they have knocked down the rainbow room the roxy the wix whiskey house of blues maybe the comedy store they're gonna wipe out all of these fucking things there's gonna be nobody in those buildings and even if they are in those buildings they're gonna have no fucking place to go because they knocked down all the cool places to hang out on sunset strip it's so fucking stupid you know i was getting gassed the other day another place on the Sunset Strip.
It's so fucking stupid. You know, I was getting gas the other day, another place on the Sunset Strip.
And this guy said, I say, yeah, you own the gas station. He goes, I wish I did.
This property just sold for 14 million bucks. And, you know, they're knocking down the two buildings next to it and they're going to put up a fucking, you know, 170 unit fucking, I don't know.
I just don't know where all these people are going to be coming that can afford to pay. I just don't know where they're going to come from.
And for what I heard, you know, at least the ones on La Cienega, that was like oil money, you know, like Saudi Arabian money came in and they don't give a fuck. I mean, they got money forever.
I don't know uh what's the worst thing will happen if either candidate comes in is that they're not going to stop what's already going on and i gotta be honest with you i don't even think like you know all the bernie sanders and all those types of people you would literally need an army of those people and then they would need bulletproof vests to fucking that's how powerful corporations are and that's how off the fucking rails we are um i don't know which is why i'm trying to focus on the propositions and i wish if anybody can find a fucking website out there that not only lets me know what i'm voting for but lets me know what is attached to it like because who doesn't doesn't want to improve the schools, you know? Um, but you know, whenever they have stuff like that, like, Hey, let's clean up the drinking water. Then they attach all this other evil shit underneath it.
Um, I don't know. I don't know.
It's, it's very overwhelming. So it's so fucking overwhelming that you're asking a stand-up comedian what's going to happen.

Or maybe you just did because you want to hear me make a fucking ass of myself.

All right, here we go.

Cool guy, terrible in bed.

Oh, Jesus.

All right.

Dear Billy Bush Beer,

I'm a 20-year-old female college student.

I go to Holy Cross. Oh, in.
Oh, you said is I go to Holy Cross. OK, I go to Holy Cross in Worcester.
I had a boyfriend for the first three years of college and now I'm single. I hooked up with a guy that I didn't know was kind of an asshole.
He's sort of popular and seemed friendly. One drunken night, I did the worst thing I could do, fed his ego.
Had I known he was a moron and a pompous douchebag, I would not have done this. I'll save you the reasons why he's a douchebag, but just picture lame 80s preppy bully who thinks he's God's gift.
i didn't know this because i'd never paid attention to him well after we hooked up he told some people that i told him he was the best fuck i ever had uh this found its way back to me and bill i was shocked why because he was the worst fuck i ever had uh he had no idea what he was doing he was for lack of better words not present no rhythm and average at best i wasn't mad at this because it was my choice to hook up with him but now he's putting words in my mouth i really just want to tell someone how bad he was and wait for it to get back around to him what is my move here bill and or nia well wait a minute did you say he was wait one drunk at night i did the worst thing i could do feed his stupid ego does that mean that you slept with him I can't tell if you by feet is ego

you

you that mean that you slept with him i can't tell if you by feed his ego you you he was so bad you felt like you had to say something nice no there's no fucking way you said there's no way you said he was the best fuck um i think you're saying yeah yeah i think you're saying that you you fed his ego by hooking up with him

had i known he was a moron and a pompous dude okay so he's walking around saying that you said

and you're also saying he's putting words in your mouth so i'm assuming that you never said that

so fed his ego means that you fucking hooked up with him that's what i'm guessing i don't

fucking know christy speaking riddles um i wasn't mad at this because um

Thank you. Christ, they speak in riddles.
I wasn't mad at this because.

Well.

Oh, this is a tough one.

I would.

I would call him up.

Then when he picked up, I'd be like, why are you walking around saying that? I said you were the best fuck i ever had i never said that okay i never said that okay and hear what he says and you know something there might be a thing this is the thing this fucking a lot of these guys like this are tremendously insecure maybe he knows he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing So he's walking around saying that so he can feel better about himself because he feels that awful about himself. And he feels so fucking awful about himself that not only does he got to go that big, that the fucking way he feels about himself is such a big thing that he doesn't even think that that's going to get back to you or he doesn't even consider your fucking feelings so you can either be the biggest person and know that this person is um tremendously insecure and walks around and probably doesn't like themselves which is a fucking horrible feeling to have and just take peace with that or you can call the guy out which i kind of like okay and i you know and at that point you gotta be listen uh if you were the best fuck i ever had i would have said that to you and just leave it at that because you haven't told him that he's completely fucking inept you know what i mean but you're also kind of putting the guy in check um and then you have your final option which is you can go around saying that he wasn't the best fuck i ever had he's fucking terrible and bad and then You know what happens is everybody just gets to sit back and enjoy watching you guys fucking do this shit.
I understand why you'd want to do it. I don't know.
I don't do the revenge thing. I kind of go to the person that's doing whatever they're doing that's fucking annoying me, and I just kind of chop the off there and uh and then if somebody comes up to me and says what they said I would say uh I would just say him personally yeah that isn't true I never said that I don't know I don't know what the fuck to do I I'm sorry that this happened to you um and at 20 years of age it's probably hard to understand a lot of the shit that i'm saying that of what that guy feels about himself but um you know you can't have somebody walking around saying shit like that about you so i i would first thing i would do i would confront the guy call him up and be like why are you saying that i never said that you know and if you continue to say that

and if he kind of goes around, if you continue to say that you're leaving me in a position here that I have to tell them the truth. Okay.
You're not the best fuck I ever had. All right.
I don't know. It's just, I don't know.
That's, that's a, you know, guys, if you listen to this thing and you're a young person that's such a fucking asshole thing to do all right that's totally coming from your own goddamn insecurity all right and uh as an older wiser fucking man you know i wish that somebody older told me that when you hook up with somebody you keep your fucking mouth shut um you know what i mean you're quiet about it you know it happened who gives a fuck who knows you know what i mean that's it's an insecure fucking move and uh just just sit there and then she did this and then did that and she fucking did this like that's a really fucking asshole thing to do. And and women if you hook up with the guy and he's fucking terrible or he's got a little dick and all that type of shit right um if he's not out there talking shit for you to walk around fucking doing that too that's another fucking asshole move it's an asshole move either way and in this case the guy's the asshole so um i don't know you know something if you can hang on until thursday i'll run it by nia uh i'll have her on again and i'll run it by her it's just that she's still sleeping here so um anyways all right let me uh that's it for the questions let me read the last two advertisements here and then uh i got some pumpkin bread to make.
All right. That is it.
That is the podcast. Uh, let's go Cubbies.
I want to see a game seven. And then, um, listen, I don't want to see the one of you guys lose.
You know what I mean? You both waited long enough, but, uh, I got to root for the Cubs in game six. Cause I want to see a game seven.
All right. That's it.
I got my app. The NHL app is working for me now.
I'll be watching Bruins games and that type of shit. And I'm going to try to watch that Formula One race for all you fucking gearheads out there.
All right. Go fuck yourselves.
I'll check in on you on Thursday. What's up, everybody? And welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show NFL edition for a week.
Going into week number nine. Holy shit, we are flying by.
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Don't go nuts. And hey, follow our picks.
We're starting to come

back. Bill, happy Halloween.
Follow Paul Verzi's picks. Happy Halloween, Bill.
What are you

dressing up as? What are you going as tonight? I'm going as a bald dad who doesn't know

Thank you. follow Paul Verzi's picks.
Happy Halloween, Bill. What are you dressing up as? What are you going as tonight? I'm going as a bald dad who doesn't know where his dreams went.
I'm going as a guy who doesn't know how he ended up ever getting this busy in life. Oh, dude, a bald dad is funny.
That's funny. What do you have, a bald dad? Oh, you're nailing it.
You're crushing it, dude. I totally bought.
I mean, that's what I thought you were when I looked at you. Gray sweatshirt.
Wait, wait, wait, wait, get those clothes out of my closet. You know, hey, you know, Paul, you write what you know.
That's fucking great. Do you take the kids trick-or-treating are you one of those oh 100 yeah i have turned down gigs oh yeah we're gonna overlap birthdays halloween holidays you gotta be there yeah you only gotta do that you think about it you get 18 of them that's it that's not even a month's worth of days.
You can't miss them. You don't even get 18 of them.
Lucas is 15. And, like, I think he's going to a party.
Like, I don't even have that. It's like.
When do they stop trick-or-treating? You know, Sophia's 12. She's going to a friend's house.
And Lucas is going to a party, dude. It's going to be me watching the Jets.
Oh my God. You can't blame any players on the Jets.
That franchise is just inept. I still don't get why they fired their head coach with nobody to replace him.
I know. You're telling me nobody was better than that guy? Well, here's the deal.
Here's the deal. Rodgers didn't like him.
That's why they did it. That's why they did it.
Oh, boy. When the big dog doesn't like him, you know, what are you going to do? But, hey.
They had a little tiffed. I know.
You ride it out, you know? Absence makes the heart go fonder. You know, he stands at one end of the sideline.
The other guy stands on the other and they meet in the middle.

Hey man,

I'm sorry.

I didn't hug you on game four.

That's all right,

bro.

Yeah.

Whatever happened to going on this one?

I was thinking of going up top.

All right. Hey,

whatever you want to do,

go get a beer with a guy,

take a guy to get some wings and talk.

Just you two.

Whatever happened to that.

Can you go get a steak?

I mean,

I like to think it's still around at a different level.

I would do that with you. Yeah.
Let's get a steak i mean i like to think it's still around at a different level i would do that with you yeah let's get a steak can't we get a steak bill i mean we're making money to play a kid's game i mean what what is i mean that would make me want to hug somebody let's smoke a stick yes all right people are so mad right now, but I'm so happy. I'm going to buy another car this weekend.
Crazy. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Whether it's complete or not, this money is guaranteed. I just don't like, I don't even, I'm getting to the, it's getting to the point of like, why did the Jets still exist? And also as a New York fan, it's like, you have the Giants walk across the street.
You don't have to leave the fucking stadium. They should sell reversible jet jackets.
They just turn into giant jackets when you walk out of the stadium. You know what bugged me? What bugged me last night was right after the Yankees lost, congratulations to the Dodgers.
These Met fans were going, couldn't have been more a perfect day. And they don't even have prospects.
They're done. All is right in the world.
And like, dude, some people that have like big podcasts saying that, like rooting, going like this. Ah, what a beautiful day.
And it's almost like, dude, you guys like don't even fucking belong in the same sentences. It's like, what are we? And that right there, Paul, is why they love watching you lose.
You guys always remind them that they are not the Giants, that they are not the Dodgers. They are the not-as-hot second wife after the first one left here for the sunshine of the West Coast.
You always remind them of that. Their colors are an amalgam of two teams that already existed.
That's why they're the... Yeah, they're the gumad that's not as pretty, but she does filthier shit.
Exactly. And it's just waiting for New York to break up with the Yankees and finally marry her, and it's just never going to happen.
Oh, yeah. She's telling her friends.
No, he told me it's coming. She put a few pounds on.
She's sliding into 50. She's going to the wine rack a little bit too much.
Yeah. I don't know, dude, I would never, I'm really, I wouldn't.
And, and, and I think, you know, dude, you know me as a friend, right? You think one minute after your team lost, I would ever go.

All is right in the world.

It's almost like.

No, yeah, you did that.

You did that in fucking when the undefeated Patriots lost to the Giants.

And you called me up and said, and we fucking rammed it up there.

No, no.

That's exactly.

I was standing in Tom Papa's living room.

I remember it.

I was like, God damn, man.

Insult to injury.

Well, that was 07.

And I don't even know if we met each other yet. I was drunk.
I was a different person. It was a different decade.
I was a kid. Hey, how could these Mets fans do what I do? That's ridiculous.
No, you've been good about it. I will tell you what was fucking bugging the shit out of me was in game three when you guys were down oh three and somebody in the broadcast booth goes the yankees are now trying to do what has never been done and i was like what do you mean never been done we did it to them and i'm like wait is he gonna get by on a technicality that it's never been done in the world series yeah i thought that was weird too so you're not even going to give us the tip cap? Because in 140 years of baseball, it's only been done once and it was done to the Yankees.
So obviously you would bring that up. Dude, I got to tell you, like if it was the other way around, we never would have heard the end of it.
And fucking Dan Shaughnessy would have wrote a book. Dan Shaughnessy is such a douche to the local sports teams.
He literally should be writing for the New York Post. I glanced at the New York Post this morning because I'm just fascinated with how mean they are, right? And the shit that they were fucking saying.
Like, this team overachieved. Where they were in, like, July to end up in the world.
No one in July thought they were going to the World Series. And then they do.
And they took their lumps, which is great.

Because then what happens?

Next year you come back.

You know what it feels like to be fucking three games away.

Yeah, I agree with that.

I think a team needs to feel this pain.

And the Yankees' weakness was sloppy ball and some dumb errors.

And, like, ultimately that all caught up with them in that fifth inning.

And it sucked.

But, listen, keep the team together and see what they can do and fight back.

Thank you. was sloppy ball and some dumb errors.
And like, ultimately that all caught up with them in that fifth inning and it sucked, but listen, keep the team together and see what they could do and fight back. But, um, all right, Bill, let's get into these picks.
We got week eight right now. A lot of things are changing here.
Let me look at these lines. I believe you went first the last two weeks, right? So now it's my turn.
Is that right? I don't know. I don't know what happened, Paul.
I didn't, i i was i was flying to europe and flying back the last two sundays i don't even know what's going on um i think all right so here we go dude i was confused about this jets texans line which is tonight's game because it's minus one and a half but then i found out stefan diggs is out for the year for the texans and their other fucking guy is. And can we just, just get into the soap opera of the jets here, Paul?

What happens if they lose tonight to the tech Texans are terrible this year.

Jets are two and jets. If the jets are two and six, dude, if they lose tonight, it's over.

No, it's already over. But like, like what happens?

Oh, it was over three weeks ago. It was over when he, was over when the guy went for the hug and then it didn't happen.
Yeah, you're right. It was fucking over.
Are the New York Jets going to lose to a wide receiver-less Texans team tonight is the question. I mean, they lost to the Patriots last week.
Patriots look good last week. Patriots played the Jets last week.
That's a funny thing to do in this point. Who'd they play? Okay.
You're standing next to a fat chick. You're going to look all right.
That was Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, Lou, be honest.
Did you see the new spot? He he goes did i look did i look at he goes you could lose a couple because i gotta get bigger actors yeah um people love when i stand next to them paul i i elevate i elevate their looks especially with overhead lighting i'm going to paul i'm gonna get a softer light on me. Look at the shine on my forehead.
Look at this. Dude, you look great.
Thanks, Paul. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to do it. I'm going to flip my.
I almost said flip my vote. I'm going to flip.
I'm going to flip my pick and I'm going to take the New York Jets tonight. Look, Aaron Rodgers, Devontae Adams.
They need a they need a win they have Garrett Wilson at wide receiver and the defense is good and the Texans do not have not only a number one receiver they don't have a number two receiver if the Jets were ever going to win a game at home it's tonight on Halloween I think the freaks come out at night the costumes are going to be Something spooky is going to happen. I'm going to flip my bet because I was going to take the Texans, but then Jake the Snake came in and gave me the injury report.
I'm going to take the New York Jets to win the game tonight. Hey, Bill, I always say, it's like a pick-em.
It's like a pick-em. This is just a pick-em.
I got the Jets. Hey, shout out to Jets fans that are still showing up.
Yes. So it's literally like, I don't know what sort of dysfunctional family they grew up in.
But I feel like if you, if your parents were two people that should have broke up, but never did, like you're, you're tailor made to be a Jets fan. Because it is it is not it's a a toxic relationship and the level of gear that they buy the level of of like swag that Jet fans wear you would think that they had like four or five Super Bowls dude how funny is it that there's gonna be a guy dressed as Darth Vader tonight freezing in the parking lot drinking a beer how funny is it that people still dress like Darthth vader like i said are you mocking hockey halloween costumes oh um all right paul i'm gonna go with the ravens lay a nine at home because the broncos had their big fucking week last week where they just destroyed the panthers and uh i like the ravens at home.
I just think they got a great defense. And I don't know shit about the Broncos, but they can go fuck themselves this week.
I'm taking the Ravens minus nine Lamar Jackson. And the Ravens are coming off that brutal loss to the Browns.
I like it. That's a great pick.
Yes. It wasn't a fun time in that facility.
My wife texted me. Is the car at the house? No, I fucking dropped it off.
I threw it in the ocean. Of course it's in the house.
I went home with your car. I'm not answering that text.
At some point, these people have to grow up. All right.
I'm kidding. For my second.
Some fucking asshole is going to clip that and send it to my wife.

All right.

Here we go here.

Dude, I don't know, man.

Packers-Lions is...

Oh, wait a minute.

I know what she's saying.

I was wrong.

Hold on one second.

That's hilarious.

Come on.

Come on.

How do we get out of this?

Done.

All right. You pick that all right dude is Jameis Winston gonna do it two weeks in a row yeah Jake that's that's what we need we need Jake real quick Jake what are we uh what what do we need to know Jake Jake the snake everybody wearing laying in the grass.
There he is. Yeah, for, let's see,

it's mostly quarterbacks. Jake the Snake, everybody, wearing his L.A.
Tiger shirt. Laying in the grass.
There he is.

Yeah, for – let's see.

It's mostly quarterbacks, but it sounds like they're all going to play.

But the quarterbacks kind of monitor are Goff, Jordan Love,

who got injured in the game last week, and Lamar and Jane Daniels.

They're all, like, limited in practice, but they're all supposed to play.

But they all have, like, kind of minor injuries. And then, and then yeah we talked about digs he's out for the year um but other than that you know it's not too bad with the injury reports this week wait jayden daniels is playing or is not playing he's playing but they already they said he's limited in practice you know so it's kind of just like keep an eye on him but i think he played last week so and what's going on in the Bengals? Bengals no injuries? T.
Higgins could be injured again because he missed last week and hasn't practiced yet. And then the Cowboys are still a mess on defense with no Micah and Diggs and all those guys.
Are you listening to this kid? I mean, he's like a mob lawyer. You're like leaning in.
What do I think? He's just giving you all the info. No, no.
I know, man. This is a tough week.
I don't love these games. I'll be honest with you.
Oh, we didn't even get Paul went three and one again. Hey, you guys that watch this show lay off Paul in September, bury his bets in October, and you're going to win every year.
The man is Mr. October.
He just won a Hail Mary last week, right? You had the commander. Oh, yeah, yeah, I did.
Oh, man. How great was – talk about a fan base that needed that.
Oh, my God. I missed Tom Jackson, though, on that play.
Oh, my God. I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals laying a touchdown against the Raiders at home.
I think this is where Joe Burrow and them fucking hit the gas and go on a little bit of a three, four game run here. I think they click.
I'm going to take Cincinnati Bengals at home against the Raiders. I love all the Raiders.
Minus seven, minus seven. Paul Berzy.
You got to love Joe Burrow. The man smokes cigars, right? A lot of points, but.
A lot of points. I'm going to.
I'm going to take the Saints. Laying seven and a half, going in with the Panthers.
I'm just mad that the Panthers, that the Broncos destroyed the Panthers last week and the Panthers didn't show up for me. I'm betting against the Broncos and against the Panthers.
I'm being petty this week. Old petty Bill.
Car should be back. I'm going Saints minus seven and a half.
I just feel like they're always scoring a bunch of points. Paul, I'm in the DMZ two weeks in a row.
The NFC South. What am I thinking? What am I thinking? Get out of there.
Get out. It's a different league, man.
I mean, who knows? Look at that line for the Chiefs and Buccaneers. I know.
The Buccaneers are getting nine points.

They score like 40 points a week all of a sudden.

I know, dude.

This is – and, dude, Browns' Chargers is tough.

But the Chiefs are allowed to hold.

Dude, Patriots' Titans is tough.

Dude, this week is wild.

I like that pick, though.

I like the Saints because Jake the Snake just said Derek Carr is back.

So that's good.

The Saints are going to come marching in, Paul, right into Charlotte.

Oh, when the Saints go marching in. They're going to burn the place down.

All right.

Dude, this is – I mean, I fucking hate this week.

Let's do this.

The Cowboys, this will be the kill shot for the Cowboys.

I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons, lay in three.

I'm going too many favorites here.

This might not work, but lay in three against, you know,

who's out for the Cowboys, Parsons?

Yeah, well, we don't officially know, but he's not practicing again. He's been out for a while.
He's probably been out for close to a month at this point. Should I flip my bet? I'm going to flip it.
Cowboys have been terrible, man. I'm going to keep it.
No, I don't. Jake was just the swing state on that one, man.
Oh, my God. Pauly, trust your instincts.
It's still October. That's right.
You turn into a pumpkin. You start as a pumpkin and then you turn into a prince.
I have not had one losing week in october this is the last day so i want to hold it i gotta hold the line you're hanging on too tight paul you gotta go with your gut you gotta sling it out there i'm gonna go with the falcons man minus three at home that was my original pick and uh i just think that the cowboys are bad. All right.

I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.

I've been betting against the Patriots all year.

It's how I can watch them.

I either win the bet or they win the game.

They're on the road against the Titans.

They're coming off a big win over a tough New York Jets team.

Getting three and a half.

I don't like the half a point.

I will tell you, I don't like the half a point. I'm sorry.
They're going to Nashville, the Titans. I don't know who the hell do they got? Who do they, what do they got? Alan Trammell.
Who the hell's their quarterback? I don't even know. I think it's Alan Trammell played for the Tigers 40 years ago.
Yeah. I don't give a fuck.
I'm going to watch that game. Patriots will probably win, but I'm going to take the Titans.
All right. For my fourth and final pick, I'm going to take a dog, and I am going to take the Giants.
I'm going to take the Giants. If Jaden Daniels is limited at practice, we're getting four points.
We're at home. It really is.
I mean, the season's already not looking great, but I feel like if the Giants were ever going to get me a win, it's going to be them getting four points against Washington at home with our defense. And we've been in every game.
We really have been in every game, including the game against Pittsburgh last week in Pittsburgh on Monday night. I'll take my Giants getting four against the commanders.
Hopefully the quarterback is banged up enough. All right.
And I'm going to take the Packers at home plus three and a half against the Lions. I just, I love Jordan Love.
I love Lamp. Those games are always close.
I think getting three and a half. Lions might win by two or something like that.
I like that line. I like the Packers at home.
I think I'd like Seattle too. I don't know why the fuck I did that stupid bet with the Saints, but it's alright.
I'm going to do that. I'm going to take the Packers.
This is going to be a fun week too too. These are good games.
Packers-Lions is a great game. I love the Packers getting three and a half, too, the half point.
The black and blue division, dude, that's just a fun division. I like all of those teams.
The Bears, the Lions, the Vikings, the Packers. The Bears.
All right, Bill, now we have the Monday night special, which is – Oh, we just missed it last week, Paul. By half a yard.
Half a yard. Lamar Jackson acting like we haven't had his back his whole career.
He couldn't fall. That was two weeks ago.
That was week seven. That was week seven.
But then last week, you guys were saying like, oh, hit it. But then somebody messaged us like, no, it's 51 and a half under.
He hit 52. This past week, I don't know, Bill, why are you in Paris? We couldn't bring it up until now.
Andrew, I thought for half a second you were decked out in Jets gear. He's got the Celtics stuff going on.
Yeah, yeah. He was a little torture in my life.
So this week we got the Buccaneers and Chiefs on Monday Night Football,

and the Chiefs are laying nine.

I mean, that's... Baker Mayfield is the winner, dude.

I'm not saying they're going to win this game, but nine points.

Let's take the point.

I'm sitting back.

Let's watch the AI camera adjust to this.

Let's see if it does. Let's see if it does.
I'm sitting back. Let's watch the AI camera adjust to this.
Let's see if it does.

Let's see if it does.

I'm sliding down.

I fucking hate that thing.

There's some fucking robot in there.

Look at that.

It's fucking what?

It's just a sense.

Oh, thanks, Paul.

Thanks for explaining that.

Computer background.

Well, I don't want you to be scared

that there's a robot living in your house. Dude, fucking everything.
You want to hear something? I got a motorcycle recently, right? So the company wanted to like track me or whatever and do all of this shit. And I'm like, no, I don't want to do that because they were going to hook me up with it for a few months.
If I gave them content and I was just like, no, I want you tracking me. And that was that they refused to not do that.
So I just said, fuck it. I'll just buy it on my own.
So I buy it on my own. And then they send me a vest that has like an airbag in it.
And I'm like, well, that's really nice of them. And then I look on the back, like how to activate it.
Like step one, download the app. These people, they're all just sending you microchips.
It's like, will you leave me alone? I'm not spying on my own country.

Like, why are you treating me like a potential terrorist?

I'm a fucking idiot who just wants to go for a ride.

Leave me alone.

That's great.

That's great.

What are we doing here?

I think we take the points.

I absolutely think we're going to. The Chiefs have been covering all year.
I think they're due not to cover. Baker Mayfield is just, I mean, that guy scores points.
I mean, that's all I know. I don't know anything else.
Jake, what are we doing with Mike Evans? Mike Evans and Chris Godwin are both out or no? Both out, yeah. Both will be out.
I hate betting against the Chiefs.

I know.

It's a lot of points.

Because they already annoy me.

And then when he fucking does this.

Where's the camera?

Where's the camera?

Where's the camera there?

When he does that to huddle up and they zoom in on it.

Yeah.

After his guys are like, dude, does anybody get held more than Bosa on the 49ers?

No. I mean, that guy literally gets like WWE Monday Night Raw.
Like the level that that guy gets held. Like every play, he's standing there like this.
There's some guys like inside his jersey. I was just going to say the only thing they don't do is put a dildo in his ass.
And then I realized that was just such an aggressive. I don't know where that came from.
There's no reason to even say that. Hey, it's Halloween, Paul.
You know, you're tapping into another side. The only thing they don't do is open his mouth and stick their balls in.
It's like, what? Dude, that's a hilarious sketch. The closeted married gay guy, and you're just talking sports, and he just keeps throwing in gay shit.
Oh, my God. They destroyed him last night.
They won by like 25. I know.
It's crazy. Dude, they stuck their dick in there.
What? We got appetizers. What are you doing here? What's he going to do next? Spread his legs and suck his disc? What? Slobber all over his cock.

Everybody just looks down at their foot.

When is he going to come out?

You know what, Paul?

You've always been a little too into fashion.

If you ever came out, I wouldn't be surprised.

But then when I go, he does have a lot of sneakers that match his hats he wasn't afraid to get a manicure i mean they i mean right there i mean you're right there all right let's go baker mayfield i got a pedicure not a manicureure. Dude, that's hilarious, dude.

They got DeAndre Hopkins too, dude.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, Baker Mayfield is just going to nut on their faces.

I'm sorry.

Let me rephrase that.

I didn't mean that the way it – what?

Who said that?

Baker Mayfield. I'll tell you who's going to take it in the ass this week.
It's the Raiders. Have they ever had that character in the movie? You got to have the dude.
It's like a scary movie. No, they did.
I think scary movie. I remember a long time ago.
Sean Waynes in Scary Movie. He was a football player.
Oh, they did, dude. And he put on the fucking shoulder pads.
Yeah, he has her put on the pads. He goes, now put on my helmet.
Put on my jersey. Put on the helmet.
He's got her dressed up like his linemen. Dude, that is so funny.
Dude, how do I tell this story? I knew this person early in my career. And it was just like, the dude was just fully out of the closet.
It was like married with kids. And he would just show up just like, oh, God, my wife last night.
it was just like the dude was just fully out of the closet but was like married with kids and he would just show up just like oh god my wife last night and you're just sitting there like how does she not know how does she not know she knows honey I'm gonna want to watch the game? No, I'll go with you.

Did he make a lot of money?

Was he killing it?

Listen, I'm not giving any more details than that.

I just remember my neck hurt from fucking looking away and looking down.

Everything was talking was cool until he brought up his family.

I just remember one time he invited me and my manager over to the cookout, And I was just like, dude, I can't, I can't see that lie up close. I just made up.
I can't be living in this guy's lie. I can't be a character in this fucking lie.
Yeah. It's just like, no.
And then the whole thing was just sad. It's like, you know, just go be who you are, man.

All right, we're going to take the Buccaneers, get in nine.

I'll tell you who's going to get shit on their chest.

It's the fucking Vikings.

That's the sketch.

You find out what somebody's fetish is by the way they talk about their teams. It's the fucking Vikings.
That's the sketch.

You find out what somebody's fetish is by the way they talk about their teams.

Oh, shit.

I'll tell you who's going to be sucking on their toes.

What?

Yo, oh, shit.

All right, dude.

Oh, my God, dude. Do you see that plate? Oh, he stuck his paint right in his fucking beard.
All right, let's get off this here. Broncos.
It's so childish, and it's just a never-ending bit. And I got to do it.
Yo, this asshole's going to be bleeding after that hit. All right.
All right. Jesus, you went hardcore there.
We didn't want to close it. All right.
That closed it. All right.
Oh, fuck. All right.
Let's take the points. I don't know anybody.
I don't know anybody on the Buccaneers. You know, baby.
Who do they got? Who do they got? Is Ricky Bell still running for them? Warren Sapp still over there? Warren Sapp. They had another great running back one day.
They ran him like 50 times a game. Warren Dunn.
No, no, it was before him. This was like the 80s, 90s, when they had the giant shoulder pads.
They had Ricky Bell, Doug Williams, Dewey and Leroy Selman, J.K. McKay or something was their coach.
That was a fun thing. Come on, we got to wrap this up.
All right, so who do we got here? We got Baker Mayfield. No, we're going to take the Buccaneers getting nine.
Travis Kelsey just got one of his only touchdowns of the year last week.

I wonder if that keeps rolling into Monday night.

I mean, how long can you shut that guy down for?

Let's do that then.

Let's do Kelsey to – let's do – let's take the points.

Let's do Mahomes to throw one, Kelsey to catch one but we think kelsey has an injury or

something other than people blaming taylor swift you know i'm sure it's not that it's got to be

people always blame the relationship yoko ono has just anybody in the public eye the second

you have a bad show they just blame the wife having with uh jessica simpson and romo yeah

that was a big one i know and did the did the cowboy fan base ever apologize to her

Thank you. wife having Jessica Simpson and Romo yeah that was a big one I know and did the did the cowboy fan base ever apologize to her no you know what it was actually Tony yeah Tony just wasn't good yeah no I don't know I Tony Romo had like nine quarterback coaches in eight seasons so I mean the Cowboys are like they're like the jets of the nfc but they've won i don't know i don't know i don't want to get into this all right paul i got nothing i'm a housewife here i don't even know who plays for the buccaneers but uh i i would say oh wait is is uh is uh uh what the hell's his name dr ferney pache.
Is he coming back for running back? Nope. No.
He's not rushing. Yeah, he broke his leg a while ago.
Let's do the nine points. Let's do Mahomes to throw one.
And you want to do Baker to throw one? Both quarterbacks to throw one and we take the points? points so no kelsey no kelsey yeah no kelsey let's fucking get a win here for everybody let's go each quarter each quarterback throws one and we take the nine points okay there's no numbers right now for um uh mayfield uh but baker but that that'll be uh i'm sure that'll be up later okay well. Well, that's a very conservative bet.

I like it.

Yeah, you know what?

Let's get back on the winning track.

There you go, guys.

Those are our picks for the Anything Better going into week number nine.

Thank you guys so much.

Oh, I want to thank everybody who listens to the Anything Better podcast,

who watched my special Reasonable Man, which is getting rave reviews. And the first writeup about it, we just had a writeup about it saying I am at my very best.
So all I ask is you watch it, you share it, show people it right. And, and, uh, I hope you enjoy it as much as everybody else has reasonable man streaming right now on my YouTube channel.
I've been hearing a great buzz from other comedians about it. Well, I appreciate that.
Well, thank you. I tell you what.
I really did. I really fucked him in the ass with this one.
No, I'm kidding. I gave him a wallop with it.
No, for all my dates, Paul Verzi.com. Bill, what's going on with you? What's going on with me? I have comics come home, and I'm hosting SNL next week.
That's awesome. Congratulations.
Have a good time trick-or-treating with your kids tonight. I will.
Then I'm in the pressure cooker for a week. It'll be fun though.
It'll be fun to finally do the show with the crowd the first time i did it was the pandemic had to come out wearing a mask was hilarious it was like nobody there but i did have to walk by the band i guess i don't know first weekend after the election too yeah i know so i'm kind of like trying to put together the monologue i'm like swinging in the dark here because i don't know who to win. Well, you just have both.
You'll be fine, dude. You're going to crush it.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It'll be...
No, I'm... You know what it is.
It's like the gig you want, and then you get it, and then it's just like, fuck, I got to do this. But I had a great time the last time I did it and uh you know i'm just gonna have fun just be silly and and the key is you just don't put pressure on yourself to uh you know i have to you know blah blah blah i don't i don't i just need to go there and have a good time so you go that's what i got going on and then later on this month i have this tour that starts in Ojai.
And then we go up to 99, starting in Bakersfield, ending in Fresno. We got all these places.
We ended Stockton, which I've never been to. One of my favorite films, Fat City was shot there.
And then the Diaz brothers from the UFC, I believe, are from there. So I always wanted to.
There was just something that's interesting to me about that city. You know what I mean? I drove through there.
It's really cool. It's like the type of old town.
It's got some old streets. Yeah.
I'm kind of really excited about doing that. And then also, I like doing a tour around the holidays where I'm still in my own state.
It's a good time. You'll love it, man.
It's great. All right, that's awesome, guys.
Yeah, check out my dates. Oh, this weekend I'll be down in Jersey.
Check out paulverdey.com. We got Providence, Rhode Island coming up at the end of November.
Enjoy your football week. Bet responsibly, guys.
All you got to do to get these to bet with us, go to the BetMGM. Download the BetMGM app to your device.
Use our code BURR, B-U-R-R, and put as little as $10 in the deposit, and you will get $1,500 in bonus bets. If your bet loses, you'll get the bet back, right? You'll get your money back on the first one.
Andrew, is that right? Yeah. And your money back if it hits second, if you don't win.
Yep. And you got the first touchdown.
Whoever you pick to get the first touchdown of any NFL game, if they don't, but they do it second, you'll get your cash back there too. So enjoy.
Bet responsibly. Have a great week.
Go Jets and Giants.

I don't know what to say.

Go Knicks, Paul.

Your Knicks are playing good.

There you go, New York.

Knicks are playing good, man.

All right, everybody.

That's it.

We'll talk to you guys next week. Thank you.