Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-31-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 2 hey what's up everybody it's bill burr look how shiny my head is man

Speaker 2 um all right so today thursday we kind of got a special thing um

Speaker 2 our guest is duff mckagin from guns n'roses and he has a new album out and he's on tour he just crushed it all across europe selling out every major city you can think of and every country out there and now he's coming to the United States everywhere, Boston, Chicago, Seattle, all of these, Los Angeles.

Speaker 2 Go see him live. And then usually after the interview, we play in a classic episode of the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

Speaker 2 But this week I forgot that I didn't have to do a podcast because I was interviewing Duff, but I recorded one anyway. So that one will be up after.
So listen to that one.

Speaker 2 It's basically you're getting two Thursday afternoon podcasts this week. As always, thank you for listening and go out and go see Duff live.
He's amazing. I will be at the show at the L Ray.

Speaker 2 I think it's November 12th or 13th. Hope to see you there.
All right.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's going on, everybody? It's Bill Burrs. It's the camera.
And it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.

Speaker 2 And look, it's videotaped. It is videotaped, which means I have a special guest.
And this guy is one of the most special I've ever had.

Speaker 2 Duff McKagan, everybody, and his band just wrapped a UK-European leg of their lighthouse tour 24 last week. Listen to this.
Sold out stops.

Speaker 2 Scotland, England, the Netherlands, Germany, Czech Republic, Germany, Czech Republic, Poland, Italy, Switzerland, Belgium, France, and Sweden, basically the whole continent.

Speaker 2 Among the tour's highlights was a very special guest appearance by Sex Pistol co-founding guitarist Steve Jones at London, England's Islington Assembly Hall that saw the two longtime friends and neurotic outsiders bandmates joining forces for electrifying renditions of Johnny Thunder's You Can't Put Your Arms Around a Memory and David Bowie's Heroes.

Speaker 2 He's here to promote a bunch of tour dates here in the U.S. Please welcome the one and only Duff McKagan.

Speaker 4 Thank you, Bill. Thanks for having me.

Speaker 4 It's been a long time since I've been on videotape.

Speaker 2 I know. Well, you know, ATC, man,

Speaker 2 we're on the cutting edge of technology. We like to call it vintage.
Technology.

Speaker 2 Your first date that I see coming up here, November 4th,

Speaker 2 is that the election? No, election days are always on Tuesday. Boston, Massachusetts at the Paradise Rock Club.

Speaker 2 A legendary. Is that the original place? Do you know?

Speaker 4 I think it is.

Speaker 4 I think Guns plays there back in,

Speaker 4 we did like a club tour

Speaker 4 with a band called Easy O. They were Japanese kind of,

Speaker 4 they were like Kiss.

Speaker 4 They were on Geffen. We did this club tour of the East Coast and a little bit of the Midwest.
And we played the Paradise 1987.

Speaker 2 Do you know ACDC put out a live record there? And then also, when they first were touring the States before, they obviously blew up.

Speaker 2 And a long time ago, the big radio station there, that's your dog, right? You said it's going to be right around. All right, no worries.
I just wanted people to not think that they were hearing stuff.

Speaker 2 A lot of people, you know, eat gummies before they listen to this. I don't want them freaking out.

Speaker 2 WBCN, The Rock of Boston, back when radio shows could break you and everything, they used to have a comedy

Speaker 2 for stand-up comedy. What the heck is it called? The Boston Comedy Riot.

Speaker 2 And they used to host that there. So there's all kinds of great

Speaker 2 history there. And after that, you're going to November 6th.
I just got to get your dates out here because I know as much as you like shooting the shit with me, this is business here.

Speaker 2 You're at New York City.

Speaker 2 November the 6th in Chicago at Outset,

Speaker 2 Chicago 8th, the 10th in Denver. November 13th at the L.
Ray on Wilshire, Los Angeles, 18th in Portland, Oregon. And then look at that.
You ended Seattle, the show box.

Speaker 2 I like this with Joey Shithead Keithley of DOA. That's one of the greatest.
Yes.

Speaker 2 Greatest show business ever.

Speaker 4 Joey Shithead, yeah.

Speaker 4 I mean, the cool thing is on these dates,

Speaker 4 and sorry about my dog in the background. There's nothing I can do about it.
There's just nothing I can do about it.

Speaker 2 You can't chess up to it and let him know who's the alpha male in that house.

Speaker 4 Well, he's just, you know, I locked him out of the room, and now he's barking. He's going crazy.
That's what they do, these puppies.

Speaker 4 But on the

Speaker 4 East Coast shows, I have Lee Ving from fear

Speaker 4 opening the gigs. And he had this band in the 80s called Range War, which was kind of like a country western band.
And if you grew up like I did, like I...

Speaker 4 I was really fortunate to be exposed to like the early wave of punk rock while I was also listening to ACBC and KISS and UFO and all that stuff. But I really kind of went headfirst

Speaker 4 into like the Pistols and the Clash. And up in the Northwest, we had a band from Vancouver called DOA, which was kind of like my second Kiss.

Speaker 4 They were amazing. And I was, you know, 13, 14, 15.
And Joey Shithead is a singer and guitar player. from DOA.
So having him on the West Coast is a big kind of cool get for me.

Speaker 4 And Bing from fear, fear was, you know, he's one of the heroes for me. So,

Speaker 1 that's really cool. I didn't know that you

Speaker 4 showed with both these guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I didn't know that you listened to all of that, that punk stuff. I knew that there was some influences.
How do you think that like affected your playing?

Speaker 2 Because I always felt like you had like you kind of had like your own thing happening, like as far as like, I don't know, I know with drums, it's called feel.

Speaker 2 I don't know what it's called with a bass player, but like I always loved the way just sort of where you are in every song that I've listened to. And

Speaker 2 punk music was something I could never quite get my head around. It was always super fast, and I would sit down and try to play to it, and I would feel like my right arm was going to fall off.

Speaker 2 So, out of frustration,

Speaker 2 I didn't get to listen to enough of that stuff. But how do you think that sort of shaped you as a musician?

Speaker 4 I mean, if you go back to before it got super fast,

Speaker 4 there was the Sex Pistols and there was Paul Cook, the drummer from the Sex Pistols, which I think, you know, this is

Speaker 4 1976, they made that record and his groove,

Speaker 4 they're all kind of mid-tempo rock songs. Oh, yeah.
Not unlike the Tempos, you know, ACDC songs.

Speaker 4 And his pocket and groove was so

Speaker 4 intense that I really learned a lot about rhythm through him. Paul Cook from the Pistols.

Speaker 4 So that was a big influence. And

Speaker 3 Copperhead and Clash,

Speaker 4 as well as, you know, Sign the Family Stone. I grew up in the 70s, the James gang and sign the Family Stone and

Speaker 4 Prince and Motorhead.

Speaker 1 And all of that was on the same radio station back in the day.

Speaker 2 All right. So tell me about this tour.
Like,

Speaker 2 I mean, you're coming off the gun stuff.

Speaker 2 You play in these huge places.

Speaker 2 It must be an incredible feeling, obviously, to play the huge places, but to come back around and play the clubs and theaters and stuff like the L Ray, I mean, is like a walk-in closet compared to what you're used to playing.

Speaker 2 It has to be,

Speaker 2 you know,

Speaker 2 it's got to be great to just be that close again to the crowd and feel their energy as you're doing your set.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, I did the Tenderness, I had the record called Tenderness that came out in 2019, and Shooter Jennings produced it. I used Shooter Jennings' band

Speaker 4 the band that played on the record and they did the tour as well with me.

Speaker 4 And we kind of played these, we went to Europe and played these theaters, you know, small theaters, not like where you play in London, but like 1200, 1300 cap.

Speaker 4 And being that close up,

Speaker 4 seeing people singing the songs and kind of being affected emotionally by the songs. in that close of quarters for me is

Speaker 4 actually super special, you know, and I get to see it with guns. I I get to see it on a massive scale.

Speaker 4 And you got to realize, like, everybody that comes to your show, they have their own story, you know, and that's a lot of energy, like, could be an amazing story that could have saved somebody's life the day before, or whatever, you know.

Speaker 4 And if you take all that in and kind of appreciate who's coming to your shows,

Speaker 4 it can be a little bit overwhelming.

Speaker 4 And so, playing the smaller places,

Speaker 4 it's kind of that on steroids. You can see everybody.
And I always end up wondering, like, what's I wonder what his story is, or, or, you know, that family who came, what's their story?

Speaker 4 Why are they here tonight?

Speaker 4 And I'm appreciative of people spending money and taking the time to come and see something,

Speaker 4 especially on my solo stuff, like something I do completely alone. You know, like, I don't know if the songs are good or not.

Speaker 4 You know, I'm just recording and we mix them and like, okay, well, we put it out and hopefully,

Speaker 4 you know, people will come to the shows. And they do.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's amazing. I never thought that you guys were even like, I just thought you guys were just up there being rock stars that you would ever be looking.

Speaker 2 I can imagine back in the day when I would go to see Dawkin or whatever, and they saw some, you know, baby face kid with this giant orange frog going, I wonder what his story is.

Speaker 2 It can't be a good one.

Speaker 1 I think it comes from

Speaker 4 a little bit with age, you know, or something. And maybe because I had kids and I started to think more outside of what I was doing, I'm not sure.
But now

Speaker 4 I certainly look out and go, you know,

Speaker 4 I've met more people in my life. I know people have or,

Speaker 4 you know, everybody's got a deepness to them.

Speaker 4 It's so funny. As opposed to just looking out and going, yeah, punters out there.

Speaker 4 Everybody's got a story.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 2 You know, a few years ago, I had like this, I don't, I don't, I don't even know what an existential crisis even means, but I just know it's always used in this moment. Like I

Speaker 2 became happy.

Speaker 2 So I was on stage, love my wife. I love my life life at home, I love being home, and I just started thinking, like, why am I still doing this? Like, it was this panic attack.

Speaker 2 Like, I used to need to do it. It was my whole identity.
It affected my mood. If I had a good set, I felt good about myself.

Speaker 2 If I had a bad set, like, I went all the way down to the bottom of the lagoon, you know. And all of a sudden, I was like happy.

Speaker 2 So there was like this six-week period of me doing stand-up, and I didn't even know why I was up there. Like, what do I do this for if I don't want to kind of go out on the road anymore necessarily?

Speaker 2 And then I kind of one night, I think I was doing the Roxy, and it just kind of popped in my head. It's like, well, why don't you do it for somebody else, you selfish asshole?

Speaker 2 Like, maybe somebody out there had a tough week and needs a laugh. And then all of a sudden, I was like, oh my God, I have a purpose again.
That's right.

Speaker 2 I'm a dancing clown to take the edge off your week. And it added a, what I like to think is a lightness to my act.

Speaker 2 But I just think I was such an angry cunt for so long that like people never see past that. Cause I recently recorded a special, and it's funny how, like, they try to like advertise it.

Speaker 2 It's the rage, ranting, and stuff. And I go, I don't think I'm not, I don't think I'm doing that.
Maybe I'm, maybe I am. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 4 Yeah, I mean, I followed your career, and you know,

Speaker 4 especially your kind of like social commentary and

Speaker 1 stuff,

Speaker 4 you give us a break, you know, you think for us, you say the things.

Speaker 4 Oh, shit, I would have thought.

Speaker 1 Part of the country would have said it that way.

Speaker 4 So it's a it's a release. So you are doing us a service, you know?

Speaker 2 Well, I got to give you a shout out as far as like Seattle is that is like one of my favorite cities to just be and forget about performing in.

Speaker 2 And it gets a bad rap where I feel like it always gets lumped in with Portland and it is absolutely nothing like it. You know, it's complete.
completely different.

Speaker 2 And I just love the way the city looks because I feel like it was,

Speaker 2 it just looks like it was built when we first were, you know, landing on the moon or pretending to, depending on whatever you believe.

Speaker 2 It has like that, we're going to colonize the moon vibe to it, like the way the kingdom used to look, the space needle, that monorail, all that concrete and everything.

Speaker 2 I just, you know, and then it's on the water, so it's like beautiful. And it's like...

Speaker 2 a little bit you ever see like when you travel uh that brutalist architecture you ever look at that stuff which is it i look at all kinds of architecture which kind of brutalist I thought it was Eastern European and it was sort of like you know behind the communist block because it just looks like parking garages but they can have these really crazy shapes to them and I found out it actually came from England and it's like it's a ton of concrete and it's a and it's sort of an on-purpose eyesore

Speaker 2 but what's amazing about it is if it's surrounded by beautiful architecture, it becomes beautiful because it stands out as like something different.

Speaker 2 When you go to Boston, look at Government Center is a great example of brutalist thing. And I always just remember looking at it.

Speaker 4 Brutalist, yeah, for sure. For sure.

Speaker 2 It looked like they started to build a parking garage and they were like, no, wait, it's an apartment. And it's like, no, no, this is NASA's headquarters.
And it's just all sort of stacked up.

Speaker 2 It's like when you give a five-year-old Legos. And the stairs, if you walk around when you're out there, they're like long and flat.

Speaker 2 They're just long enough that it's not comfortable to step from one step to another, but they're too short to take two steps. And it's just brutal.

Speaker 1 Even the stairs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're like brutal.

Speaker 2 And I always make when I, when I was going to college there and when I would cut through or whatever, or if I was doing a spot and I was like running over to Knicks, I remember always going up those stairs going, these are the fucking worst stairs I've ever been.

Speaker 2 I'm like, who designed these things?

Speaker 2 It was like an NBA player designed it. Like, this is how they are in his house.
And then all these years later, I found out through going to some of those cities that you just sold out on your tour,

Speaker 2 I started seeing this architecture. I'm going to send you, I'll send you some photos.
Please do. It's kind of,

Speaker 2 you know, with your punk rock background, I think you would really appreciate it because, you know, punk rock sort of thumbed its nose at, you know, beautiful songs and whatever was going on in music.

Speaker 2 Like, that style of architecture was definitely thumbing its nose because everyone was trying to come up with something, you know, ornate and beautiful and whatever.

Speaker 2 And they're they're just like no the world is a cold place and this is the building you will live in hey man i i did grow up with the kingdom you know

Speaker 2 that might be a semi you know entering the brutalist uh territory of architecture 100 i i went to i went to one game there um when i was on the road that's how i dealt with the loneliness of being on the road is i would just try to go to a sporting event and you remember this week in baseball with mel allen yes

Speaker 2 And he would do all the highlights. And this is before ESPN.
So

Speaker 2 whenever they would show, like,

Speaker 2 once a week, you'd get to see the highlights. So whenever they showed, like, somebody hitting a home run in the kingdome, there'd always be somebody scurrying across that weird.

Speaker 2 You know, it was the multi-purpose

Speaker 2 venue, football and baseball. So they would like push the bleachers underneath the other bleachers to create like an outfield wall.

Speaker 2 So I went out there and I, when Ken Griffey was still playing center field, I sat, I deliberately sat out in the outfield seats because I wanted to run down that alleyway,

Speaker 2 whatever, the aisle to chase a home run ball. Didn't happen, but

Speaker 2 incredible and incredibly loud, too, place to see a game.

Speaker 4 Probably not hard to get a ticket at the Kingdom. It wasn't.
Mariners, maybe.

Speaker 2 It wasn't then. It was not then.
And it was also...

Speaker 2 Where was that as far as like in the history?

Speaker 2 It was the late 90s. So it was after that great 95 team you had.

Speaker 4 Oh, Oh, late 90s, okay. Yeah,

Speaker 2 so you still had those, all of those guys, but um

Speaker 4 you know, I think Edgar Martinez, yeah, yeah, Edgar

Speaker 4 Dan Wilson.

Speaker 1 Uh,

Speaker 2 I don't think, I don't think A-Rod was there yet. It was, it was, it was before the big steroid home run thing, so it was sort of like in between those

Speaker 4 Jay Buener, maybe?

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was a while. There, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 If people don't know, Duff is a huge Seattle sports fan. I've seen you do the

Speaker 2 12th man thing at the Seahawks game, which I always trash the Seahawks because that stadium is bullshit. Like, they made it to deliberately hold in sound.

Speaker 2 And just as a Patriots fan, I know if we did a stadium like that, they would have made us tear it down.

Speaker 4 Yeah, well,

Speaker 4 good Patriots win last weekend, though. That was cool to watch.

Speaker 2 And I bet against them.

Speaker 3 This is how I've been handling them losing. Did you really?

Speaker 2 Well, this is how I've been handling them losing is I just bet against them every week. So at least I win my bet.
So I love, you know, and then they beat the Jets. So either way, I win.

Speaker 2 Either way, that's how you handle your team sucking now, is you put a little money on them to lose.

Speaker 2 And, you know, if they lose, you still won some money. But if they win, the worst is

Speaker 2 if they cover the spread and they still lose. That's when you got to go out and go take a walk or whatever.
But

Speaker 2 yeah, who would ever thought that Aaron Rodgers Jets things would play out the way that it does?

Speaker 2 And I don't think anybody is 100% to blame. It's just the franchise is just cursed.
Like, I don't understand the moves that they make.

Speaker 2 And, yeah,

Speaker 2 it just seems like one of those

Speaker 2 marriages back in the day where people go out to Vegas and get hammered. And then they're just, all right, you know, they're like, we're going with Aaron Rodgers.

Speaker 2 And like three days later, they want to annul it.

Speaker 4 So I don't know. Hey, I just realized if I'm nodding my head,

Speaker 4 it doesn't really translate well to a podcast.

Speaker 2 Oh, nodding your head. Well, with our technology here, how about this weird?

Speaker 2 Well, what about this weird AI camera now? That if you move, all of a sudden there's like an AI director in there, like sort of panning around with you.

Speaker 2 Like I was in a writer's room yesterday on a Zoom thing, and my back was hurting me. So I laid down on the floor and I was thinking, oh, this is going to be weird.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to be on camera, but I'm laying down. And the thing literally, the camera went down and was like showing me on the floor.
And it was just weird because everyone else was sitting.

Speaker 2 So I had to get up and get back in the chair.

Speaker 1 I don't know. What do you think about it?

Speaker 4 Speaking of the kingdom,

Speaker 4 so they built that place. You know, I was at, I think it got done in 1976.
So I was 13. I'm like, wait, all of this was for

Speaker 4 this, you know, this monstrosity. It was just super weird and kind of Seattle.
you know, at that point, like, of course it's going to be weird.

Speaker 4 But I saw Led Zeppelin there. No, you didn't.
I didn't say that I saw Led Zeppelin. I saw him at the Kingdom.

Speaker 2 Is that that video they always show? They always show John Bonham playing and he's got the Didas Dragons. You remember those? He had the blue and white ones.
You were at one of those shows?

Speaker 4 Yeah, 77.

Speaker 4 I'm not sure if that was the Kingdom show, but you know, you got, I saw Aerosmith on the Rocks tour there as well.

Speaker 4 There were certain big shows for Kingdom early on.

Speaker 4 but to get used to the sound in there, like you had to, like, by the time I saw Led Zeppelin, I knew like, get on the floor and you got to kind of just be over to the right a little bit and underneath, you know, something else.

Speaker 4 And you might be able to hear it all right.

Speaker 4 Other than that, it was just like booming everywhere.

Speaker 2 How did those guys even play? Because they didn't have like in-ear monitors or anything like that back in the day, right? Like there was no click.

Speaker 2 They just went out and just started playing and it would just bounce off the arena ceiling, right?

Speaker 4 Well, if you look at Zeppelin, especially, like you, no matter what size of place they're playing at, they're super close to each other. You know, they're like playing like on a

Speaker 4 club stage. So I think they just played each other and let whatever else happen.

Speaker 2 So let me ask you this. You're going to go see Led Zeppelin.

Speaker 2 First of all, Arrow Smith Rocks, that's probably the greatest album and tour to go see them on and anything seeing Zeppelin was incredible um

Speaker 2 oh man i just if i was a few years older that would have happened for me by the time

Speaker 2 by the time i came around all of that stuff because i grew up on that um music i i grew up in this great neighborhood where all of my friends had older brothers i was born in 68 and all their older brothers were like you know four, five, six years older than us.

Speaker 2 So how we got into Zeppelin and Aerosmith and I still remember when Van Halen 1 came out. I went over to a friend of mine's house and his brother was playing it on a record player.

Speaker 2 And I just remember just hearing, I still remember where I was when I heard it. And I was just like, what is that? Like, that sounded like it was from outer space.

Speaker 2 But it always kills me that I wasn't just four or five years older. So I could have actually gone and seen.
Like, when I didn't start going to concerts until 86.

Speaker 1 So by then,

Speaker 1 you know what I mean?

Speaker 2 So I was like 17, 18 years old.

Speaker 2 So I missed the back and black tour. I missed the Van Halen one.
I missed the 70s Aerosmith. I missed Zeppelin.
I missed sort of all of that. But I saw your guys' whole era.
And one of my

Speaker 2 big regrets is I forget, I think I was going to school and I couldn't make it. You guys were on your first like sort of big tour and you were opening for Motley Crew.

Speaker 2 And I was living in North Carolina at the time and I couldn't see it. And it's like, all right, I'll see these guys.

Speaker 2 I'll see them like the next time they come around. And then I moved and it just, like, the first time I finally saw you guys was when I, remember when we were in France, I ran into you.

Speaker 4 It just so happened. Was that the first time? I had ever seen you guys.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Like, I had gone to see

Speaker 2 like solo stuff you guys did, but I never saw you guys all together. Oh, and when you guys did Use Your Illusion, I had a ticket.

Speaker 2 And my older brother, some girl, broke his heart and he was just head in his hands. And I was going, all right, take my ticket.
Come on, Mandy. I can't watch you walking around like that.

Speaker 2 So then I missed you on that one. And then all the stuff happened.
And then I was just like, fuck, I never saw him.

Speaker 2 Like, you don't understand like how,

Speaker 2 I'm sure maybe you do. Like, like,

Speaker 2 when I was born and when you first came and your band came were like what you guys meant to us. You know, speaking of what we touched on earlier,

Speaker 2 that was like the album of the decade and spoke to us because, as much as we were all part of the same generation, like even you being a few years older than me, just the bands that you saw versus the bands that I saw, like, you know, when you were seeing bands, I was too young.

Speaker 2 And by the time I started seeing bands, you were in a band

Speaker 2 out in L.A. So there was all like these subsets.
So, like, you know, when you're that young, two years is a long time.

Speaker 4 So, as far as it's all, dude, all has to do. I think about that.

Speaker 4 Like, my influences, we talked about it earlier earlier and how it really shaped me um it was also the time i was born and when i got like a paper route you know i got a paper route at like 11.

Speaker 4 so i was had some money where i could start buying concert tickets and stuff i think i saw that zap in when i was 12.

Speaker 4 you know we started going to gigs really early because i had seven older siblings so my i think my mom at that point was like just let him go he's gonna go anyhow um but also in seattle at the same time 77, 78, they started having these $1 concerts at the Paramount Theater.

Speaker 4 And those $1 concerts were

Speaker 1 Iggy Pop,

Speaker 1 The Clash,

Speaker 4 you know, the Jam, like all these, that the punk and new wave sort of wave of stuff. And so we went to all these gigs for a dollar.
I mean, who can't afford a dollar? You got a paper out, you can go.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 4 those $1 concerts, people who are my age in Seattle remember this stuff, the $1 concerts.

Speaker 4 And so I had Zeppelin and I had Iggy Pop, you know, and they were both just as great to me.

Speaker 2 That's amazing. You know what's funny? I had a paper route too from third grade all the way to ninth grade.

Speaker 2 And what it was the greatest job ever because all my friends were always like broke or they had to, you know, try to get some money from their parents.

Speaker 2 And I always had money to like, you know, if I was even just like going to school, if I wanted extra food at lunch, you call it getting doubles.

Speaker 2 You know, if they had the burger, you'd get doubles, so you get two burgers, double order of fries or whatever. And I always had the money to do that.
And

Speaker 2 I've always like, I didn't have money, but I never didn't have money. From third grade on, I had enough to do what it was that I wanted to do.

Speaker 2 And my thing early on was actually going to like sporting events and stuff like that.

Speaker 2 So I kind of had the thing that you had where, you know, you were a crazy Seattle sports team fan.

Speaker 2 I had that with all like the Boston teams, and my thing was going to the Boston Garden for the hockey games, which I got to ask you, did you ever play the original Boston Garden?

Speaker 2 Do you remember?

Speaker 4 I think we did. Yeah,

Speaker 4 where the Celtics played, right?

Speaker 2 Yep, Celtics and Bruins. And those were the old school barns where now, because of safety or whatever, and maybe obese people, I don't know what, like, you can't have the stairs of the upper deck.

Speaker 2 You can't have them be that steep is what they said.

Speaker 2 So, like, um, but on those old, you know, hockey barns and basketball places, like, you were like, you felt like if somebody pushed you, you were going to fall down onto the ice.

Speaker 2 So, they were like, it was like Thunderdome when you came in there. And I saw, I saw ACDC with Cinderella at the Boston Garden, dude.
It was, it was one of the best ever.

Speaker 2 It was the Heat Seeker tour, and I think long, cold winter for

Speaker 2 Cinderella, which is hilarious. I can remember that.
I lose my cell phone 20 times a day, but anything from the 80s is just this vivid memory because

Speaker 2 it was so great. So

Speaker 2 I don't know. Yeah, I think we did.

Speaker 4 To answer your question,

Speaker 4 I just, I mean,

Speaker 4 me to remember every thing.

Speaker 1 You've done a few show stuff. You've done a few shows in your career.

Speaker 4 92.

Speaker 4 But I think we played there because I remember the parquet floor. I remember seeing maybe it was back, maybe they had it picked up and it was in the back.

Speaker 4 And I'm like, oh, there's the parquet floor, the famous

Speaker 4 Celtics parquet floor.

Speaker 2 My producer, Andrew, just looked it up. March of 93.
You guys played the original.

Speaker 2 Oh, it even has a set list and everything.

Speaker 1 No way. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Everything you've ever done is

Speaker 2 anybody's ever done is on the internet. So

Speaker 2 tell us a little bit about your album. Is there a place where people can download it

Speaker 2 and we can move

Speaker 2 some, what do they call it? Like cyber albums?

Speaker 1 So streams.

Speaker 2 There we go. What is the terminology nowadays?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 4 All your streaming,

Speaker 4 that's what they say.

Speaker 4 All your favorite streaming sources.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 streaming everywhere.

Speaker 4 You know what it has on the European run I just did,

Speaker 4 had a bunch of vinyl and a bunch of CDs, and I would sign, like before the first gig in Dublin, they had like

Speaker 4 stacks of stuff to sign. I'm like, okay, we're not going to sell all this vinyl and CDs.
People buy CDs, and I signed like 100 or maybe more CDs and maybe 100 records, and that stuff was gone.

Speaker 4 So, wow, and it happened like every gig. And it seems to me that right now, people are

Speaker 4 maybe a little,

Speaker 4 I think everybody streams, but I think it's coming back to people want that physical

Speaker 4 piece as well.

Speaker 2 Well, I can't tell you how many times I've done a new upload or whatever, the new system, whatever on my phone, and I've had to just rebuy an album.

Speaker 2 Like, there's so many albums I've bought, like, friggin', like, what I had that album. Like, where is this song? And there's nobody that you can call.

Speaker 2 And then this whole thing where they track you everywhere. Don't do a show at that new Clippers Arena.
It's like a cashless place, and you got to use your face to get in and out of there.

Speaker 2 It's just like, and people are just doing it.

Speaker 2 I don't understand people that like, they don't have any,

Speaker 2 I just understanding of like,

Speaker 2 I mean, maybe I'm like freaking out, but

Speaker 2 you know what's hilarious? Somebody recently, you know, got me a,

Speaker 2 I don't want to like try, I can't trash who it was, but there's a little hint on this show.

Speaker 2 I got a motorcycle, right? So somebody sent me a vest that has like an airbag in it. I'm like, oh, this is fantastic.
So I'm going, all right, how does this thing work?

Speaker 2 And it says, read the instructions on it. And step one was download the app.
It's like, this is not a vest. It's a fucking tracking device.

Speaker 2 And they're just trying to like, every place you go now, they're trying to like

Speaker 2 just get any information they can out of you so they can bundle it. And it's another revenue stream, Duff.
And they're just trying to.

Speaker 4 I mean, if you don't realize that you're being tracked by getting a, you know, a phone and getting an iPad or getting a computer,

Speaker 4 you know, you got to just be,

Speaker 4 I've got nothing. I don't care if somebody's tracking me.
They are. I mean, whoever they are.

Speaker 4 But if somebody wants to, at Apple, wants to know where I'm at, they can figure that out in one millisecond.

Speaker 2 You know what my favorite thing is, is that you can turn it off. Like they can't turn it back on.
You know what I mean? It's like, oh, I'm on the internet. I'm in incognito mode.

Speaker 2 It's like, oh, are you?

Speaker 2 Like, how do you know? How the fuck do you know? You just take a thing and you just slide it. I actually do care that they're tracking us because I just feel like at what point do you feel?

Speaker 2 Like, I have no problem with people being in control of me. I have no problem with people running things.
I don't have, I don't know how to do that. So I don't have any problem with that.

Speaker 2 But my, my, it's like, how far are you going to take this? Can you just fuck off

Speaker 2 for a second?

Speaker 2 You know, you walk into places we we don't take cash anymore it's like that's not legal and then it's like well then you have to have the exact amount it's like no i don't no i don't so i don't know this this is becoming yeah well so

Speaker 4 my girls grew up you know to this so you and i grew up in a time when there's no cell phones there was there was a payphone there was no computers there was no internet uh

Speaker 4 you know we had to have coins at the at the payphone to make a phone call if we were on tour you know yep subway tokens you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 4 And so we're like the tracking thing to us is like, or the, you know, hat. Well, I mean, we just carry it around with us.

Speaker 4 Phone. We carry around our tracking device.
And my car. You know, my car, you download the app.
I mean, Audi knows where I'm at, you know, for sure. Everything.

Speaker 1 You know what?

Speaker 2 I like, I like when the phone talks to your car and then it cross-pollinates or whatever it does and it figures out where you live.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 4 It's fucking Susan has a thing on her Tesla that the GPS, she knows when, it knows when she's pulling into our garage and it shuts her

Speaker 4 side view mirrors.

Speaker 2 I hate new cars. I hate them.
I'm like, I bought a Jaguar like an idiot, and it's already overheating at 40,000 miles. So I got to get out of this thing.

Speaker 2 I guess it has the same engine as like the Range Rover. I don't know if that's true, but this is

Speaker 2 so they can't sue me. So I, just through the cars that my wife gets, she gets, you know, she's had a Tesla.
Now she has another, this electric vehicle.

Speaker 2 So she fucking, when she walks out, like, the doors automatically unlock before she gets to the car. And then, like, this symphony is playing this sustained note of music.

Speaker 2 So when she lollygags, when she has something to do, it's like you just listen to this, oh, this sound. It's just like, it's just a fucking car.
It's like doing too much.

Speaker 2 And anytime I back up, it's just going beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. It's like somebody has got a mother-in-law yelling in your ear.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 2 I used to used to be, I used to be able to back up a car because there weren't any blind spots, but now, because of all of these cameras, they don't care how they design it that way.

Speaker 2 And I can't bet, I can't even get, I can't even get a car between the lines anymore because back in the day, you could see the lines as you pull up.

Speaker 2 Now you got to be looking like, you know, it's like dead reckoning when you're flying, you know, if you don't have your gauges or whatever. You got to like look at the two lines to put it in.

Speaker 2 i'm going backwards like i want to get something from the 2000s

Speaker 2 and uh

Speaker 2 i i just

Speaker 2 you know i'm a i i got enough issues with stress and everything i don't need my car bringing anxiety every time i'm like and misreading a blade of grass or like a branch hanging down as a person

Speaker 4 and just screaming in my fucking ear it's just like My car, I got to back it out of my garage. I got a new car

Speaker 4 this year.

Speaker 4 And I had like a Ford Explorer. That's been my favorite car.
Like I had, and I keep my cars for like 10 years. You know, I don't care.
It carries equipment and it's an awesome car.

Speaker 4 But Susan was like, you know, you can get a grown-ups car here in Seattle. You know, like something we can go out to dinner.

Speaker 1 Like, okay, yeah, you know, you're right.

Speaker 4 She's already got an SUV.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 4 So I looked around and I got this car that I have, this Audi. And it's a great car, but I have to back out of my garage, which is one thing, you know, it's two sides.
And then I back out.

Speaker 4 We have a gate and I back out of that. You open the gate.
And my car, it's like a panic attack backing out of my driveway. And I think something's coming.
Somebody's walking down the street or what?

Speaker 4 I'm going to hit something. And, you know, I backed out of that garage in an explorer five million times and never hit anything.
So this car is much smaller.

Speaker 2 I think they're, they're just like,

Speaker 2 you ever do like a.

Speaker 2 Of course you have. You've done like one of those business calls, conference call, right? And you're on there for a half hour, whatever.

Speaker 2 They're figuring out how to promote whatever tour you're doing or whatever. And you're just waiting to wrap it up.
It could have been done in eight minutes. For some reason, it's taking 30 minutes.

Speaker 2 And right at the end of the call, when everybody's wrapping it up, all of a sudden, somebody who hasn't said shit for a half an hour starts talking.

Speaker 2 And you know, they're just talking to justify them still having a cubicle. They're like, oh my God, the conversation is going to end.
I need to say something.

Speaker 2 And then they just throw out whatever they can think of, and you have to act like it's a legitimate point rather than some panic response. I feel like that's what the car is doing.

Speaker 2 Like, it's, it just needs to

Speaker 2 make mouth-breathing morons who have a better car that doesn't yell at them if they sit in somebody else's car. They're like, oh, I want my car to go beep, beep, beep, beep, beep when I back up.

Speaker 2 I want to be cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like my wife, when I first got, I bought my car. I keep cars forever too.
Like, I'm 56 years old. I'm on like my fifth car.
I drive them for 10 years,

Speaker 2 change the oil and all of that shit. My whole thing is to pay it off, drive it into the ground.
And

Speaker 2 yeah, so when I got mine in 2016, I ordered it

Speaker 2 because I wanted the color that I wanted. So I ordered it in June.
I got it in October. It was exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 2 And my wife, you know, who had a nice car when mine opened up, this was the new technology. It opened up.
And where you go to step in, it said Jaguar, and

Speaker 2 it lit up in blew neon.

Speaker 2 She's like, what's that? I like that.

Speaker 2 I want to get something like that. So I'm like, oh, God, what did I do?

Speaker 2 I think,

Speaker 2 I'd be honest with you, I think we're at the end of technology as far as like what we need.

Speaker 2 I think it was great by the mid-90s. It was fine.
And now

Speaker 2 they just keep adding. Everything is so just

Speaker 2 over-designed.

Speaker 2 yeah um i don't know like this what does this have to do with you crushing it on the road here um no no it's okay we we can go off into

Speaker 2 gray areas you know what i did notice though the heavier this podcast got the quieter your dog got i think we freaked it out with our dystopian tales of cars

Speaker 4 so we got a new dog yeah susan's like you we had we've always had a dog and then we didn't have a dog for a couple of years and we could travel freely and go on tour and and not worry about the kid my daughters are grown you know we had and she's like i really want to get a dog and we got to get a new dog and we got this dog she found a dog as a rescue mutt you know like eight weeks old and he's he's adorable as it gets he's a good little guy but he takes all

Speaker 4 of the attention he takes all of the he wants all the house and we can't like suddenly it's like having a baby you can't really travel You can't travel. You can't do gone.
Susan came over to Europe.

Speaker 4 She came to Dublin and she came to London. Instead of hanging out and going to Paris, doing the rest of the stuff with me, beautiful, you know, European capitals.
Got to get back to the dog.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 2 Can I ask? I got to ask you:

Speaker 2 what's it like being on the other side of parenting?

Speaker 2 You know, my kids are seven and four now, and

Speaker 2 you know, obviously, I started really late. What's it it like that day when you become an empty nester? How long does it take to get used to that?

Speaker 2 Because a lot of people my age are obviously already empty nesters. So it's always an interesting

Speaker 2 question,

Speaker 2 I feel.

Speaker 2 What was it like for you?

Speaker 4 Well, I think it's the buildup to it is more than it actually is. Like we were, so Grace, our older one, went away to college.

Speaker 4 And so we had May at home and losing that energy of one of the kids was bizarre for everybody. But we got used to it pretty quick.
And then

Speaker 4 we knew May was going to go away to college, you know, in a couple of years. And when she did, we went and dropped her off in New York City.
That's where she went to college.

Speaker 4 We, you know, did the Target thing and the

Speaker 4 bed, bath, and beyond

Speaker 4 down on 14th, you know, and got her moved into her dorm.

Speaker 4 And then we flew out of New York City and like, you see the city and you're like, oh, our 17-year-old daughter's there by herself.

Speaker 4 And we got back to Seattle. We got in our house.
And there was about 15 minutes of weirdness. Like, oh, what do we do? You know, we've been, we're so used to raising kids.
That's all we've ever done.

Speaker 4 And about 15 minutes into that, we're like, oh, we can do anything we want now. And so for in Sue and my case, we've just really enjoyed

Speaker 1 us,

Speaker 4 you know, and kind of doing anything we want. We have a great relationship with our daughters, talk to them every day and see them a lot.
But

Speaker 4 it's just a natural thing. I mean, we got it through it naturally.

Speaker 1 I'm glad I asked you.

Speaker 2 I'm glad I asked you because I only listen to people when it comes to parenting that they have some like positive thing.

Speaker 2 It's not like gloom and doom or like sadness.

Speaker 2 Like, I remember like right before I was going to become become a parent, just like the stuff that people were telling me, I wanted to be like, do you enjoy being a parent?

Speaker 2 Like, this doesn't sound right. Like he's like, you play drums.
Oh, you're never going to do that again. It's like, yes, I am.

Speaker 2 Kiss that. Goodbye.
It's like,

Speaker 2 what do you, what am I sit there and stare at the kid the whole time? So

Speaker 2 I don't know. I've been having a

Speaker 2 I've been having a ball doing it, but my daughter's the older one, man.

Speaker 4 And she, she, oh my God, she I saw her when she was a baby. I came to your house.
I probably did your podcast, I think.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and that was when you were moving your daughter into New York. I remember you were getting ready to go do that.

Speaker 1 There we go. It was right then.

Speaker 2 You were at the end, and I was at the beginning. And I remember that.
I probably asked you a bunch of questions. But I remember, you know what I loved?

Speaker 2 And my wife loved how great you were with kids because you came into her room. And she was like, who's this giant blonde guy, right?

Speaker 2 And you immediately knew she was uncomfortable. And you did this trick that I use with every every kid that freaks out.
You just ask them about their toys.

Speaker 2 Like you were like, hey, what's, oh, wow, that's cool. What's that over there? And kids like, you know, their toys are their universe.

Speaker 2 And then she just started in a little baby way, explaining all the toys and then handing you other toys. And you were going, oh, man, that's amazing.
And I think I have a picture of it somewhere.

Speaker 2 Obviously, I would never upload it, but I just thought it was, it was, you know, being a fan of yours all those years, seeing you being a rock star, to see, you know, Duff as a dad and just looking at that going, oh, my God, he's an amazing, amazing father.

Speaker 2 And yeah, my wife was always touched by that moment, too, because,

Speaker 2 you know, so much, so much of what we knew about you was, was, you know, stuff in, you know, Hit Parader and all the, all the crazy stuff that they write about you guys. And then just to see like a

Speaker 2 great human being just you got down on her level, the whole thing. It was just awesome.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 4 Well, I think when I had, when we had the girl, I didn't have them. Susan did.
I was just there.

Speaker 4 But the girls, like I freaked out, like I loved our girls so much. And I remember going to like Whole Foods and stuff and seeing a baby, like some,

Speaker 4 oh, look at the baby. And then, you know, I got tattoos and shit.
And oh, get away from my child. You know, I'm like, oh, God, I can't do that.
I can't just like go up and, you know,

Speaker 4 do that, freak out on kids. And so, yeah, with your daughter, I was, you know, at that point, I was fully aware of

Speaker 4 how a kid might look at your parents or whatever.

Speaker 1 I just, yeah, little girls.

Speaker 2 I think that's only socially acceptable with dogs or animals. You're allowed to just, and

Speaker 2 people don't freak out. But if you kind of come up to their kids, they might freak out a little bit.

Speaker 4 These days people freak out even on your dogs. So, you know, I come up, hey, what's the get away from my dog?

Speaker 1 Really?

Speaker 2 You know what though? You know what that reminds me one time and this fucking drive me at the wall. When I was first living in LA,

Speaker 2 the late 90s, right? Mid-90s, actually, I was living the the fifth floor of this dump, and this guy comes down the hall. He's got his dog off its leash, and I love dogs.

Speaker 2 I was about ready to go in my apartment. So I bent down and go, Hey, buddy, what's going on? And the dog's off-leash, and the guy's down the hall.
He goes, Don't touch my dog.

Speaker 2 I'm like, Well, put him on a fucking leash, you cunt. I just, you know, it's the only time I ever thought of hurting an animal.
I wanted to kick the dog into the guy's face.

Speaker 4 Of course. Now you're doing it.

Speaker 2 You're like, oh, obvious choice.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Well, I love having you on.

Speaker 2 I'm so, like, I don't know, you're just, I was already a huge fan of yours and they're getting to know you over the years. You're just such

Speaker 2 an incredible musician. You're a great dad, husband, the whole thing.
You got the whole thing, and you're up there in Seattle in this beautiful city.

Speaker 2 And he is currently on tour, Boston, New York, Chicago, Denver, Los Angeles, Portland, Seattle, from November 4th to the 20th. You're doing it right.

Speaker 2 You're ending up in Seattle right before Thanksgiving. You do the road long enough.
Your tour manager knows how you like to work. The great Duff McKagan.
Love you, brother.

Speaker 2 Thank you so much for having me. And I'm going to be down there, the L Ray, the L Ray tour.
I will be here.

Speaker 4 Cheers. All right.
Yeah. Susan said to make sure we plan a dinner.

Speaker 4 Okay.

Speaker 4 We're going to be back down in L.A. for January and February and all that stuff.
So

Speaker 4 we'll hit you guys up.

Speaker 2 Perfect. Hit me up.
All right. Good luck with your new dog.
Tell everybody I said hi. I'll see you.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 4 See you, bud.

Speaker 1 Bye-bye. Thanks.
Bye.

Speaker 2 All right. Duff McKagan, everybody.
How great was that? Go check him out on his tour.

Speaker 2 Truly, man, like that was no BS. He's just one of the nicest people you could ever meet.
And his live band is incredible. And usually when you go to see Duff, he's in Guns N' Roses.

Speaker 2 And depending on where you're sitting, even if you're down front, he's really far away.

Speaker 2 You can see him in a small, intimate setting and gain an even bigger appreciation of what an incredible bass player and

Speaker 2 musician that he is. All right, that's the podcast.
Have a great weekend, you cunts, and I'll talk to you soon.

Speaker 2 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in.

Speaker 1 Are you?

Speaker 2 What's going on? How are you?

Speaker 2 How's it going?

Speaker 3 What's going on with me?

Speaker 2 I'm watching the World Series. New York Yankees came back and spanked that Dodger ash last night.

Speaker 2 It's now three games to one, and all of a sudden it gets interesting. All of a sudden, it gets interesting.

Speaker 2 It was a great game, and then the Yankees just blew it open, but it was like when they hit the Grand Slam and they went up like five to two.

Speaker 2 And you got it, their fans just fucking willing them. Their fans were great.
The ones behind home plate are fucking brutal.

Speaker 2 Those rich cunts who just spend the whole game underneath eating like fucking lion meat or whatever the

Speaker 2 playing rock, paper, scissors to decide who's going to win, Kamala or fucking Trump.

Speaker 2 But the rest of them, the bleacher,

Speaker 2 that's like the Celtics. Celtics fans are the same way.
There's an expectation that you're supposed to, we win in these situations. So

Speaker 2 iconic moment there.

Speaker 2 I do have a bone to pick with the fucking broadcast

Speaker 2 is like the level of fucking sports bias for the New York teams is ridiculous. Okay?

Speaker 2 It's a five to four game.

Speaker 2 Yankees are down 0-0-3 in this series. And I swear to God, the announcer goes, the Yankees are trying to do what has never been done before, right? So my ears perk up.

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, okay, obviously he means because it's a World Series.

Speaker 2 It hasn't been done in the World Series, but obviously he has to bring up the one time that it's ever been done in the history of fucking baseball. And nothing.

Speaker 2 Nothing. It's like, and it's literally, you're talking about the team that it happened to.
Nothing. Never happened.
Never happened.

Speaker 2 Houston Astros, their first championship was complicated.

Speaker 2 This is just things that they say.

Speaker 2 And as a Patriots fan, to listen to fucking Deflategate for a fucking decade and a half, I saw Lawrence Taylor the other day was trashing Tom Brady going, I don't think he's the greatest of all time.

Speaker 2 I don't think I've ever seen a guy achieve

Speaker 2 at that level, the level of shit that he got, which I get it. People get jealous and they just want to say, you know, hey, it was tougher during my time.
I get that shit. I get it all day long.

Speaker 2 But, like,

Speaker 2 you know, I can tell you right now, if fucking we were up three games to none and lost four games in a fucking row, we would never hear the fucking end of it.

Speaker 2 Dan Shaughnessy would write a fucking book.

Speaker 2 They would make a movie about it.

Speaker 2 Dude, I did that fucking documentary. They go, you want to be the documentary about the Patriots dynasty? I go, yeah, fuck yeah.

Speaker 2 And then the the fucking dynasty starts off with aaron hernandez and deflategate it was a fucking hit piece

Speaker 2 it's fucking embarrassment um anyway

Speaker 2 but just me as a sports fan i am really excited that there's going to be another game i love october baseball and uh

Speaker 2 and um

Speaker 2 you know that yankee fan base like i'm telling you like even as much as you fucking hate them i don't give a fuck if you fucking hate the yankees like i do you got to give it a fan base is fucking ridiculous like

Speaker 2 like, I was sitting there like nervous for the Dodgers. It's like they, they, when, when they get behind that fucking team, it's, it's like, I'm telling you, it's, they're like the fucking 10th man.

Speaker 2 That bullshit about the

Speaker 2 Seahawks 12th man fucking horse shit that they actually stole from

Speaker 2 the

Speaker 2 Aggies.

Speaker 2 I think they had to pay him like a settlement. They literally just fucking ripped it off.
Why is this guy looking at me? Please tell me he's not going to fucking talk to me.

Speaker 2 I'm sitting in my car right now. This guy's just fucking glancing at me like he's never seen somebody alone in a car recording a podcast.
I mean, what? It's probably the microphone.

Speaker 2 He probably thinks I'm a Fed.

Speaker 2 Oh, Billy Red, Billy the Fed. He's a fucking rat.
He's wearing a wire.

Speaker 2 He's got a giant microphone right in his face. So, anyway, now the series,

Speaker 2 now the series gets interesting.

Speaker 2 I mean, I think game five, that's a fucking must-win.

Speaker 2 You're not going back to New York, and they're looking at tying the thing up. That is the fucking amazing thing about a seven-game series.
You're down 0-3, and it seems like you got 10,000

Speaker 2 fucking miles to climb up this mountain, and then you win one game, and then all of a sudden it's just like the other team's like, wait a minute, if they win the next game,

Speaker 2 we're then looking at possibly possibly tied series. Like, that's how fast it can happen.
So,

Speaker 2 who knows?

Speaker 2 It's getting,

Speaker 2 it just got way more interesting. It got way more interesting.
Now, shout out to the Dodgers. When they were down five to two, they did not fold

Speaker 2 five to three, five to four.

Speaker 2 And I was going like, this team is like fucking Jason in Friday the 13th. You're running away and they're just walking you down.
And it's inevitable you're taking that machete to the head. But

Speaker 2 I missed when the Yankees blew it wide open. My kids were going to bed, so I got to read the books and all of that stuff.
So

Speaker 2 anyway,

Speaker 2 it's just, it's just, it's fucking great. I wish it was more of a series, though.
I will be honest with you. I wish it was kind of like, you know,

Speaker 2 four games in. I mean, 2-2 would have been great.

Speaker 2 But anyway,

Speaker 2 now you got this big, this big story. Ugh.
But here's the thing.

Speaker 2 Because me, you know, I'm just being a fucking

Speaker 2 cunt, right? Because I love the Dodgers, but I hate Lakers fans, right? So I know that they'll be happy if the Dodgers win, right?

Speaker 2 So there's a part of me that wants to see him lose.

Speaker 2 But then I know if the Yankees come back and they win four in a row, not only will they never bring up the Red Sox, because they're like, this is the greatest thing that ever fucking happened because it's in New York,

Speaker 2 which I'm not exaggerating either. Like the level of fucking biased.

Speaker 2 We all know if you hit, if you're hitting 350 in New York, everybody fucking knows it. If you're hitting 350 for the Texas Rangers, people are like, what's that guy's name?

Speaker 2 And then also like the fucking bias where like, I'll never forget that time I was in New York and on the cover of the post, they were fucking trashing the Patriots.

Speaker 2 You know, the Cheatriots are coming to town, deflategate, and all that shit. And on the back page, I swear to God, they're like, A-Rod hits his 600th home run.

Speaker 2 I'm like, wait a minute, I thought you guys,

Speaker 2 you know, I thought you guys were irate about like everything not being above board.

Speaker 3 So, anyway,

Speaker 2 who knows? Who knows? Now, you know, and then what's great too is that Dodgers got two days to fucking think about it. Oh, Tani hurt his shoulder.
That's the worst. That's the fucking worst.

Speaker 2 I hate when a team, you know, you want to beat the team when they got everybody, everybody healthy, but can you feel bad for a fucking $330 million team?

Speaker 2 This is kind of like Walmart versus Kmart or whatever. You know, the Doug Stanhope bit that everybody loves.
Rooting for the Yankees is like rooting for Walmart. I don't think that's that.

Speaker 2 I don't think that that's the case anymore. That was the case in,

Speaker 2 I would say, 99, 2000, right to about 2005 or whatever. Just those awful years when A-Rod and Jeter.

Speaker 2 You had the two best shortstops in the league on the same fucking team and won a Greece to play third base. Those were the bad years.

Speaker 2 But other than that, nobody's spending more money than the Dodgers. So

Speaker 2 I don't think that holds water anymore. So anyway,

Speaker 2 oh, Billy Freckles. Billy Freckles is coming back to Boston.
He's going back to Beantown. What do you say?

Speaker 2 I'm doing Comics Come Home Saturday night.

Speaker 2 Saturday night, November 2nd, I believe is what it it is, right? What's today? Today's the 30th, 31st Halloween.

Speaker 2 For second, yeah, November 2nd, I'll be there with Dennis Leary, Bobby Kelly, Lenny Clark, and

Speaker 2 some other people. I don't know who.
I forget.

Speaker 2 I got the old brain there.

Speaker 2 So I'll be doing that. And then I have

Speaker 2 I have some other things that I'll have to do that I'll have. I can't talk to you about until next week.
That's just how it works. And then I have my tour.

Speaker 2 I have a one-week tour coming up. I'm working,

Speaker 2 it starts in Ojai, and then I'm going up the 99. I start in Bakersfield, and I go all the way up to Stockton, and I'm playing all these old Fox theaters on the way up.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I got my new like hour, hour and 15 that I'm going to be working on, and I'm really, really excited about that.

Speaker 2 And then I come home, and it's fucking Thanksgiving. So Oajai is going to be great because I'm playing this place, the

Speaker 2 Libby Bowl, whatever the hell it's called. It's like a little

Speaker 2 wait, is that the name of the place? I don't know. It's a little amphitheater.

Speaker 2 And you know what's funny is I flew up there.

Speaker 2 I flew the helicopter up there. There's no place, there's no like helipad.
There's nothing up there. And I was flying over it.
I was trying to see the place.

Speaker 2 I looked at it on my Google Maps there, and I couldn't find it. But

Speaker 2 I went up there a number of years ago with my lovely wife, so I can always find where we stayed,

Speaker 2 and I can always find the downtown area, but there's too many trees around that.

Speaker 2 You know what it looks like? Do you know in Boston they have where the Boston pops used to play on the half-shell? It's like a little half-shell thing, like right on the Chow's River.

Speaker 2 I'll be playing that, and

Speaker 2 that's just going to be a it's going to be a fun run of shows because it's like a week-long tour but at no point do I ever leave California so

Speaker 3 you know

Speaker 2 there's nothing worse you end a tour and you're like in fucking Newfoundland

Speaker 3 like oh my god

Speaker 2 I got a fucking nine-hour flight back

Speaker 2 whatever connecting in Minneapolis

Speaker 2 all right plowing ahead and other good news is the presidential election is, it's almost done. It's almost done.
You can all get on with your fucking lives.

Speaker 2 And it will be fantastic. And it's getting down and dirty.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Fucking Trump

Speaker 2 is done with the debates.

Speaker 2 He doesn't like some broad coming in, telling him what for,

Speaker 2 slapping him around the kitchen. He doesn't like that stuff.
So now he's just going hardcore with like the fucking immigrants every fucking four years. Ah, these immigrants.

Speaker 2 That's why the middle class is shrinking.

Speaker 2 It's not billionaires not paying fucking taxes, getting rid of all the fucking jobs so they can fucking get some more whores and yachts. It's not that it's not them.

Speaker 2 That's not who it is.

Speaker 2 I love how they act like immigrants come over here and then they just become like fucking doctors and shit. Like you're an illegal immigrant.
What are you doing?

Speaker 2 What job are you fucking taking? And then, meanwhile, these fucking, these, these tech nerds,

Speaker 2 stop calling them tech bros. They're tech nerds.
They're the ones.

Speaker 2 Like that fucking Spotify guy. He took all the music.

Speaker 2 He took all the fucking music. I bet he can't even fucking turn on a record player.

Speaker 2 He's taking all the resid all the fucking residual payments from all these amazing musicians and the music that they made. He gets the fucking money.

Speaker 2 He's a billionaire. He's a billionaire, and everybody else can just go fuck themselves.
But, like, I'm telling you, though,

Speaker 2 you got to watch out for these immigrants. You got to watch out for these trans people.

Speaker 2 I mean, they make up 1% of the population. Oh, boy, oh, boy.
Oh, what are they going to do? I mean, you can't watch 10 feet without seeing a trans person.

Speaker 2 How often do you even see somebody that transitioned?

Speaker 2 I think there's more redheads than there are trans

Speaker 2 Like, I'm going to ask you, when was the last time you saw a group of redheads just standing on the fucking corner shooting the shit? You know, the same thing with trans people.

Speaker 2 Like, they're not the problem. They are not the problem.
It's these fucking rich cunts. Now, to say that,

Speaker 2 to say that, like, both sides are going to blow the rich people.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 2 I feel bad. That's what it is.

Speaker 2 That is, I just feel bad because this guy, they're both saying that they're going to turn this shit around, And neither one of them is talking about why we're in this situation.

Speaker 2 They're not talking about the money behind the money. They're just fucking pointing fingers at each fucking political party and blaming this and blaming that.

Speaker 2 And it's just like, that's not what it is.

Speaker 2 It's the rich cunts. All right, that's my little fucking thing.
So

Speaker 2 as far as the election goes, I feel fucking hopeless. I feel hopeless.

Speaker 2 Because they always get rid of the people that say what's really going on early on in the election and CNN and Fox News have no fucking problem with it.

Speaker 2 And they don't let the people debate, and they don't put them on the ballot, and they paint him as crazy.

Speaker 2 Like all of these guys, you know, all the way back to like fucking Ross Perot, who are just fucking

Speaker 2 straight shooters. And they always just, oh, he's crazy.
He's a fucking whack job. He's a nut job.
And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then you just go with the career politician.

Speaker 2 And, you know, they fucking deregulate everything so these rich people can grow businesses and create more jobs.

Speaker 1 It's not what happens.

Speaker 2 It's from where I'm sitting, from where I'm sitting in the fucking car here.

Speaker 2 All right, so I had a bad morning, dude. My kids woke up and they wanted donuts.
So we never get donuts.

Speaker 2 And I've always said, you know, if you wake up and you start your day with the donut, you're basically saying

Speaker 2 that someday you just want to be bedridden. Like that's the road that you're on.
So I don't fuck with donuts, right? So I go into the donut shop,

Speaker 2 all right, to get the donuts. I have a little fucking text message that says what my daughter and my son and my wife want.

Speaker 2 So, I order those. And then I look down and I see this maple fucking donut, right?

Speaker 2 And it's one of those long ones that I'm like, that's too much. I was like, You got a maple donut that isn't like a raft, like doesn't look like a fucking footboard on a Harley.

Speaker 2 You got something a little smaller.

Speaker 2 So she's like, we have a buttermilk maple one. And I go, all right, let me get that.
So I come back to the house. My wife made some scrambled eggs.
It was fucking hilarious.

Speaker 2 My kids, they're eating eggs and having a donut. The only thing needed was black coffee and they could just fucking do a shift as a police officer, right? So they're eating like cops.
And

Speaker 2 I don't fuck with that donut. I don't fuck with that donut.
I make myself a little

Speaker 2 cup of tea, right? Billy tea bag, right? And I have a couple sips with that. And I just was like, you know, it'd be good.
One bite. One bite of that donut will be good.

Speaker 2 I took a hit off the crackpipe and that was it. I'm walking out the door to bring my kids to school and I'm fucking finishing off the donut.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 2 I don't know, but it was just one. Every once in a while.

Speaker 2 Every once in a while, just have a donut, you know?

Speaker 2 That's like if you back in the day, if you said that on the Oprah Winfrey show, she'd be like, I like that. I like that.
Every once in a while, have a donut.

Speaker 1 Yeah, huh? And she'd look at the crowd and they'd be like, yeah.

Speaker 2 And then you like write a book. And the next thing you know, you're like the next big talk show host.
Like, that's how it happened. Right?

Speaker 2 You would just say something that just like fucking, you know,

Speaker 2 trying to, I can't remember what, what the example was.

Speaker 2 She would always just be like, I like that.

Speaker 2 I always felt bad for her. You know, even though she was like a billionaire, I just always looked at her like, she's out of her fucking mind, just like me.
But she's like, 40 is hot, right?

Speaker 2 40 is the new 30, right? You remember when women do that? 50 is the new 40. No, it isn't.
It's you're 50. You're fucking 50.
Your vag is half a century old. What do you

Speaker 2 do? You remember that? That was a thing

Speaker 2 with personal trainers for a while.

Speaker 2 They would do this thing and they would be like, okay, you're 36, but your body is 39. When they would do like your fat percentages, and then you'd work out with them.

Speaker 2 And then they would be like, Now it's only 38.

Speaker 2 Now your body's 34. I mean, you're just doing the right thing here.
And then they would literally get,

Speaker 1 it's just like

Speaker 2 you're 37, your body is 37. The only thing you can be is in good shape for a 37-year-old or in bad shape or regular shape, but you don't become younger or older.

Speaker 2 You could could fucking do heroin and smoke five packs of cigarettes unfiltered a day. You're still 37.

Speaker 2 And they could say, you did the damage. It's like you're 70.

Speaker 2 It's like you're 70, but you're not 70. But these personal trainers, okay,

Speaker 2 who don't have any sort of a degree, as far as I know,

Speaker 2 you know, whenever I went to a personal trainer, I never saw, like, you know, with those suction shot things on the back of a degree and they stuck it on the mirror so you knew that this person had the credentials to tell you how old your body was, despite the fact you know what your birthday is

Speaker 2 and your age, right?

Speaker 2 I love scams like that. All the way back to the best one ever, which was, which was they have weapons of mass destruction.

Speaker 2 The best scam ever was when they were going to fucking name a star after you.

Speaker 2 And there was all of these people

Speaker 2 who lost loved ones. And these fucking assholes were like selling them stars up in Spar.
There it is, right up there.

Speaker 2 And as you looked up, they drove away with your cash. Oh my God, did you see the stand-up for cancer last night in the middle of the fucking World Series game?

Speaker 2 You know, sports, the escape

Speaker 2 from the tragedy and the horrors of day-to-day living. Let's just remind everybody that everybody here, and everybody had this sad look like, I miss my friend Jerry.
He died of cancer.

Speaker 2 It was bad enough when they used to fucking do that.

Speaker 2 Now they've actually added sad music underneath it. They play sad music.

Speaker 2 So I know somebody in the crowd cried. They went to a baseball game and somebody cried.

Speaker 2 They made him cry, like an Oprah Winfrey interview. Like,

Speaker 2 who in that stadium doesn't know cancer exists?

Speaker 2 Stand up to cancer.

Speaker 2 Like cancer is intimidated. Like, oh shit, they're on their feet.
Cancer's excited. Good, they're on their feet.
They're using up their energy. This will make it even, they're weaker now.

Speaker 2 This will be easier. Should be lay down to cancer.

Speaker 2 Get eight hours sleep to cancer. Eat some fucking organic food.

Speaker 2 So fucking ridiculous. Stand up to cancer and then these fucking assholes can turn our food food supply into poor.
What about what? Fragrances? That's another thing. Car fresheners and all that.

Speaker 2 Do you know, like, they don't have to say what's in them

Speaker 2 because they're trying to protect their secret formula?

Speaker 2 Like, if somebody found out what was in polo cologne, they would be making a fucking,

Speaker 2 like a fucking pot of it at home.

Speaker 2 So then, like, I guess they're like these...

Speaker 2 unbelievable amount of carcinogens. Like, you know that poop spray? Because no one wants to smell

Speaker 2 the leftover poison that comes out of your ass after you eat the shit food over here. Then they have more cancer-causing shit that you spray in the air

Speaker 2 to kill the smell

Speaker 2 of fermented fucking

Speaker 2 toxins.

Speaker 2 I'm sorry. I'm a little punch trunk.
I'm getting used to the time zone over here.

Speaker 2 But, you know, I'm talking about a lot of fucked up shit, but this is how I handle it. This is how I handle

Speaker 2 how I handle it. I just fucking laugh at it.
Like, what are you going to do?

Speaker 2 What are you going to do, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, my, oh my God.

Speaker 2 My wife and my daughter fucking raked me over the coals

Speaker 2 for cursing in front of them. Oh, you know, I came back.
I was making breakfast. I was jet-lagged, right? I couldn't find the oven mitt.

Speaker 2 And I had made a Dutch baby and I was taking it out of the oven.

Speaker 2 And like, you know, I had like a dish towel and

Speaker 2 the hot part of the handle right

Speaker 2 touched my hand I went fuck you know

Speaker 2 this this is the greatest dad moment in my life was

Speaker 2 nobody asked me if I was okay

Speaker 2 but they criticized the way I the words I chose to use after burning my hand on a skillet, making them breakfast.

Speaker 1 I got rigged over the coals.

Speaker 2 I was sitting there apologizing while running cold water on my hand.

Speaker 2 Sorry, everybody.

Speaker 2 Didn't mean to

Speaker 2 upset you. I'm just cracking myself up today.
You know what it is? This is a trauma response.

Speaker 2 I was supposed to take the whole fall off, and I don't know what happened. Now I feel like I'm not even home in November.
And I am somewhere in my brain,

Speaker 2 i'm really sad about that so what i do is i just act like an idiot because then i i don't want to deal with it um here's something a friend of mine posted the other day this is the donut everybody i fucking i got sugar in me thank god i didn't have a maybe i should add a coffee to fucking would that have leveled it off

Speaker 2 no caffeine gets you jacked That's weird because I don't put any sugar in it, so I feel like it's going to be like

Speaker 2 flatten me out. I started drinking coffee again when I was over in fucking France.
France is not a coffee country. And they were trying to say that they were.
And I was like, you're not.

Speaker 2 You're not. You're just not a coffee

Speaker 2 country.

Speaker 2 I didn't get one. I found a good place over there.

Speaker 1 Bonjour, Jacob.

Speaker 2 Was good.

Speaker 3 Okay.

Speaker 2 You know what was amazing? Was to be in Paris and see a fucking Starbucks.

Speaker 2 And I was just like, wow, they think that's imported coffee.

Speaker 2 It's imported. Oh my god, it must be good.
It's like, Starbucks is the worst.

Speaker 2 They're not even trying. They just burn the shit out of their beer.
There you go. Get the fuck out of here.
Put some whipped cream on top of it.

Speaker 2 We own the night.

Speaker 2 Starbucks.

Speaker 2 Anyway, I just literally forgot what the fuck I was talking about. Where was I meandering towards?

Speaker 2 Not Paris coffee. Before that, we were talking about the donut.

Speaker 2 That's it. It's gone.
Just like that.

Speaker 2 Just like that.

Speaker 2 Another moment that could have happened on the podcast.

Speaker 2 You know, I'll bring it back. It's called the weave.

Speaker 2 You know, guys, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm thinking about getting a hair system.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 2 Just,

Speaker 2 and I want to get a bad one. I'm not going to be like everybody else and fly all the way to Turkey.

Speaker 2 Just out of curiosity, what exactly is going on in Turkey that everybody's like, this is the place to go to get a hair transplant?

Speaker 2 Is it really the place to go? Or are you just that ashamed that you're going to get hair stapled into the top of your head and you want to be as far away as humanly possible?

Speaker 2 You know, it'd be funny if that was the reason everybody went out there was just because they were so ashamed. Like, you couldn't just walk into Seisperling

Speaker 2 and

Speaker 2 just come walking out

Speaker 2 you know what's funny about cy Sperling is you went in with no hair and just came out with hair that was it it didn't like slowly grow in they they were they were two pays

Speaker 2 you just come you go you leave work on friday

Speaker 2 right fucking bald

Speaker 2 the horseshoe right the hair on the sides And people see it. They see you're a little giddy and a little nervous.
Like, what's going on with this guy? He doesn't have this,

Speaker 2 the usual sadness that he has on Friday afternoons where he knows he's going to be alone with his own thoughts Saturday or Sunday. There's a little excitement.
You think he's got these guys

Speaker 2 on the side? Good for him.

Speaker 2 You know, some chick out there probably has a fucking horseshoe bald fetish. Who knows?

Speaker 2 And then all of a sudden he comes to fucking work on Monday.

Speaker 2 He's just got this shag rug. That was the thing, too.
It wasn't subtle. Cy Sperling fucking threw down.
You, you fucking,

Speaker 2 you left Friday, you were bald. You came to work on Monday, you were Greek.

Speaker 2 He gave you like statue hair. Like, you ever see those Greek fucking statues? Everybody's got those fucking

Speaker 1 black.

Speaker 2 Well, they're not black. They're white.
They're white, but you know what it is. The whole dude is powder fucking white.
Which is funny to me. Because those people are like tan.

Speaker 2 So I don't know why they made all their statues of these people looking like powdered sugar. I mean, they're fucking whiter than me.

Speaker 2 Um, like, if I ever got signed to do copper tone for whatever reason, they just thought, like, you know, we're gonna, we're gonna, like, what do they call that casting against type?

Speaker 2 They would stick me next to two fucking Greek statues, so it would seem like it actually worked.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 2 all right, here's a question for you. This guy's coming down the fucking street.
I don't get how these leashes that are like three miles long

Speaker 2 it has a handle on it you carry it like a transistor radio and then like the dog

Speaker 2 takes off it becomes longer and then the guy's able to make it shorter

Speaker 2 i don't know everything is so fucking overly designed

Speaker 2 like those electric fucking toilets i swear to god i've almost broken like five of those because they're sexist like the the level of effort it takes to keep the fucking both seats up

Speaker 2 like the second one, like the bottom one that you sit on

Speaker 2 for your ass there, it just keeps fucking coming. It's like you gotta like fucking,

Speaker 2 you know, you gotta face wash it like three fucking times. It's like NHL playoffs.
You gotta like set the tone with it before it finally stands up. You can take a piss.

Speaker 2 Look at that guy walking down this steep fucking hill.

Speaker 2 Walking down frontwards. That's when you know you're young.
You get older, you gotta walk backwards, or somebody has to bring the car around.

Speaker 2 that's that's too that's too steep an incline i i that's going to create bone on bone if i walk down that however if you back the fucking car up

Speaker 2 that could work

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 2 speaking of which i told you my jaguar is acting like a jaguar i didn't realize they have the same engine as the fucking range rovers land rovers and those things notoriously have all kinds of fucking

Speaker 2 problems with overheating and that type of thing. So I just I got the car fixed though and it seems to be running alright.

Speaker 2 But you know what I'm doing?

Speaker 2 Everybody used to do when they had a carbureted engine is people used to let a car warm up before they drove away.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 because if the engine was a little cold, it would stall. That's why people did it.
But the reason you're supposed to do it is you want to make sure the oil is up to temperature.

Speaker 2 Because when the oil is cold, it like almost like coagulates and it's like sludgy. So it's not lubing the pistons as they thrust through the fucking chambers.

Speaker 2 So I've started to do that now. And I've noticed on my idiot gauge,

Speaker 2 it has like the temperature and on the bottom, the top, it has the red. And you pay attention to the red, but on the bottom, it has blue.
I was like, I never paid attention to that.

Speaker 2 I'm like, oh, this is fuel injected. I could just start it.
And I've been watching these things.

Speaker 2 have been coming because I've been talking about how I have to keep getting my fucking car fixed so my phone's listening.

Speaker 2 So now they're on Instagram, they're sending me all these things about mechanics and shit. And

Speaker 2 the one that they just, they were talking about is,

Speaker 2 first of all, they were talking about like, you know, the worst car to buy. And like the top two were always Jaguar and Jeeps and Range Rovers.

Speaker 1 And I was like, fuck.

Speaker 2 So anyways, but I saw this one mechanic where he goes, yeah, no, I always let my car warm up before I drive it.

Speaker 2 And then another thing, too, is whatever they recommend you change the oil in, divide that in half.

Speaker 2 So if they say once every five with the synthetic oil once every 10,000 miles, sometimes they say crazy shit like that, 5,000 miles, just cut it in half because they want you to wear out your engine because they don't give a fuck what we're doing to the environment.

Speaker 2 They just want to make more money. All right, that's it.

Speaker 2 That's it. More baseball, everybody.

Speaker 2 And I'll tell you, it kills me as a Red Sox fan to fucking

Speaker 2 give up the level of respect that I have for fucking Yankee fans. It's just like they are a fucking factor.
They just are. Not those cunts behind home plate.

Speaker 2 The rest of them.

Speaker 2 They really are an amazing fan base.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 And with that, but so is the Dodgers.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 2 Old Billy even-handed here. Old Billy even-handed.

Speaker 1 People.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's different, though.
I'm biased towards the East Coast. I still think the way that they push the team along is fucking

Speaker 2 is incredible. So I would say like the best fan bases as far as like it would be Yankees, Celtics.

Speaker 2 All right, so that's baseball, basketball. Back in the day,

Speaker 2 it would have been the Canadians

Speaker 2 because they just expected it. They fucking expected it, but now they've gone so long,

Speaker 2 you know, 30 years. They haven't won in 31 years

Speaker 2 and then they've won like two in the last 40 years so it's just it kind of

Speaker 2 it's maybe I think the older generation

Speaker 2 you know they're kind of aging out of that but I would still I would say

Speaker 2 they were great Blackhawk fans are great too

Speaker 2 I don't think there's really one standout crowd in the NHL where they just expect to win. But when I was a kid, it was Canadian fans.

Speaker 2 And then what does that leave us with? We got football.

Speaker 2 I just think parody,

Speaker 2 parody kind of killed that. When I was growing up, Cowboys and Steeler fans expected it.
I think 49ers have a great fan base. As far as like, it's different than just being passionate.
It's expecting.

Speaker 2 Like not accepting losing is what it's not just saying, well, we expect to win because we always win. I mean, like, they are like, no, you're wearing our jersey, and that means you win championships.

Speaker 2 It's a very unique sound.

Speaker 2 All right, that's it. That is the podcast.

Speaker 2 I hope you enjoyed it as much as I did. I was giggling like a fucking schoolgirl over here.

Speaker 2 All right, that's it. I will talk to you guys later.
Enjoy yourselves. Have a great weekend, you cunts.
Enjoy the music picked out by the amazingly talented Andrew Themelis.

Speaker 2 Then we have a bonus episode of the

Speaker 2 Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

Speaker 2 And I will talk to you later.

Speaker 3 Bye-bye.

Speaker 2 Why won't you fucking let me hang up? Why won't you let me? There we go.

Speaker 3 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 31st, 2016. What's going on?

Speaker 1 How are you?

Speaker 3 It's Halloween, everybody. Happy Halloween.
Oh, happy holla fucking weed. Happy holla fucking weed.

Speaker 3 Da da da. You're a fucking teen.
You're too fucking old for candy.

Speaker 3 What's the cutoff? What's the cutoff tonight when the kids come where you just want to be with some of them and just be like, dude, you're too fucking old? Cleo, get out of here.

Speaker 3 I'll feed you in a minute. Go on.

Speaker 3 I'm telling you, my cutoff is somewhere around like fucking 12.

Speaker 3 You know, even around 10, they just start saying little wise-ass, cunty fucking things.

Speaker 3 You know, that's the hardest thing about being an adult around a kid is they think they're so fucking smart. And it's just like, douche, I was your age.
I've been 10. I've been 12.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 3 Then I've been 20, 30, 40, almost up to 50. All right, you dumb fuck.

Speaker 3 You think I don't know what you're doing?

Speaker 2 Do you think you're playing with my mind, man?

Speaker 3 I mean, you just want to say it to him.

Speaker 3 Everybody's got to have that. Do you ever have that fucking adult that just fucking,

Speaker 3 you know, when your parents weren't looking, just looked at you and just told you to shut the fuck up?

Speaker 3 It probably doesn't happen nowadays because of all the smartphones and everybody's got a video camera and the kid blogs about it. Next thing you know, you get arrested for, I don't know what.

Speaker 1 I don't know what. Cleo, get out of here go on go on

Speaker 3 you know

Speaker 3 but back then I mean that's the kind of shit you could do

Speaker 3 I remember we were talking in church me and my brother and this dude fucking turned around he goes hey he goes shut up

Speaker 3 he just said that or he goes well you shut up

Speaker 3 You know, and it's just one of those things, you know, and my mother, then I looked at my mother and she fucking put her eyebrows up like, but yeah, well, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 3 That doesn't happen nowadays.

Speaker 2 Oh, my, you don't talk, you don't

Speaker 1 emotional abuse, verbal abuse.

Speaker 3 No, your kid needs to shut the fuck up. So what hour do you think is there's that sh, that fucking hour where they just stop being cute.

Speaker 3 You know, they just stop being cute and they get fucking annoying and then it goes over the hill where it just becomes like,

Speaker 3 you know, they're coming up to your thing and they got the shitty and and grin smirk on their face. I'm telling you, this fucking year,

Speaker 3 this fucking year, some kid comes up with a smirk on his face, I go, I'm not giving you any candy because that look on your face.

Speaker 3 This is what I want to say, but you can't because of that look on your face. And if you do anything to my mailbox or anything like that, I'm going to fucking kill you.

Speaker 3 All right, you fucking pussy. You don't even know how to drive yet.
Get the fuck out of here. Right? But you can't say, you know, you can't, not in today's America.

Speaker 2 Not in today's America. Well, you know what? Trump's going to bring that back.

Speaker 3 I've had such a bad experience like all my life all my life I've been looking for something

Speaker 3 I've been waiting for like I couldn't wait to have a fucking house the kids came by

Speaker 3 to go trick-or-treating I mean I moved out and

Speaker 3 the first time I lived like in the up the attic of a fucking old house that they turned into an apartment. It was fucking hilarious.

Speaker 3 And you had to like walk down down the center of the apartment so your head wouldn't hit either side of the fucking roof. And I told you guys this, right? I didn't have a bed.

Speaker 3 I slept in a sleeping bag and I would sleep right by the window because we didn't have any AC.

Speaker 3 And then one night there was like some torrential downpour. I was sitting there dreaming I was on a boat or something, something about water and I woke up just soaking wet.

Speaker 3 And then you know, it's funny, I ended up catching a cold. And like the next day, it was like July.
It was like 89 degrees out or something and I had a cold like it was fucking November

Speaker 3 oh god that fucking sucked

Speaker 3 Then I moved back in with my parents got my shit together Fucking finally graduated fucking college and then when I moved out I ended up going to New York City.

Speaker 3 And people don't go trick-or-treating in New York City. They have places where they go where all the fucking candy is and they make sure there's no fucking weirdos there.

Speaker 3 And then when I finally moved out to LA,

Speaker 3 I don't know, people still didn't come to my first apartment. It was when I got my house,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 five years ago, they were just like, all right, now they're going to be coming. And I was fucking loaded for bear.
And I did the bit on it. I had the full-size candy bars.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ, Cleo, you're driving me nuts. Get over there and lay down.

Speaker 3 There's no way to be mad at a dog for longer than frustrated, more than three seconds. Cleo, can you please lay down? Hey, buddy, lay down.
Down.

Speaker 1 Go on.

Speaker 3 Lay down. There you go.
And the follow-through. Thank you.

Speaker 3 I already can tell she's not going to sit there because she's laying down, but she has her ears up and she's just staring at me.

Speaker 3 You know what it is? I had to get up early to do this fucking podcast because I got a bunch of shit that I need to do.

Speaker 3 So, anyways, people finally started coming to the fucking house and that's what I found.

Speaker 3 You know, as soon as the sun goes down, the the first, I know we always talk about this, but you got to admit, it's true. The first like hour and a half, it's the cutest fucking kids you've ever seen.

Speaker 3 The parents are great.

Speaker 3 You know, it's just like a great, it's just, I don't know, it's fucking awesome. The kids are adorable.

Speaker 3 And then somewhere around, I don't know, between seven and eight, it starts switching over, and there's just nothing but cunts.

Speaker 3 Like after like a quarter to nine, I mean, just everybody you see, it's going to be a bunch of fucking,

Speaker 3 oh man.

Speaker 3 You know something? We're renting this fucking house and it's got this crazy driveway. I don't think anybody's going to come up here.
But next year, I promise you guys, I have to fucking

Speaker 3 I want to open the door and be like, ah, nah. You guys, you're too old.
You're too old. Look,

Speaker 3 go buy some candy. Get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 3 But then you got to worry, they're going to fuck up your house. Even if they don't do it that night, they're going to do it another night.
Just be like, come on, man, you guys are too old.

Speaker 3 Maybe I'll just lie and be like, oh, sorry, I'm out of candy. How tall are you? Five? What? Yeah, I'm out of candy.
What do you got?

Speaker 3 Yeah, there's four, you're not four, 11. Fuck out of here.
You're 5'1. Bait it.

Speaker 3 Oh, or you know what you do?

Speaker 3 What's the worst kind of fucking candy? What's just a shitty old lady kind of candy? That's what you do. You know, with the fucking fruit in the middle of it, like real fruit.

Speaker 3 Oh my god, I don't know about you guys, I don't know what grandmothers are like nowadays, but when I was a kid, man,

Speaker 3 my grandparents had the worst fucking candy.

Speaker 3 At least one of them did.

Speaker 3 And then, like, the fu I had a paper root, and then there was, like, a bunch of old biddies and shit that, you know, couple that never got married and shit, or they're dead, fucking, they're dead.

Speaker 3 Their fucking husband died, and they'd always have like this little candy, yeah, a piece of candy, right?

Speaker 3 And I'd go to bite into, oh, God, I didn't know what the fuck it was.

Speaker 3 It was just, it was just horrible.

Speaker 3 Just, it just, you know, it was like, did they put your perfume in the middle of this shit? I'm sorry.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying it was disgusting. All right.

Speaker 3 So, anyways,

Speaker 3 I'm actually going to a Halloween party tonight. I was going to make some pumpkin bread for the host, right? I was like,

Speaker 3 the party. And Nia's going like, I was like, God, man, I got so much shit to do and I got to make that pumpkin bread.
And then she just goes like, well, why don't you just like not do that?

Speaker 3 We'll just, you know, we'll go get a bottle of champagne.

Speaker 3 She always does that. She always goes, you make your life so fucking hard.
It's like it's pumpkin bread. It's not that.
It's just like it's fucking,

Speaker 3 it's gonna take me like, you know, 10 minutes to put it together and then throw it in the fucking oven for an hour. It's just a pain in the ass to do it.

Speaker 3 She said, why don't we just do this? Like, who the, what the fuck?

Speaker 3 Just be another asshole showing up with a bottle of wine as opposed to showing up with pumpkin bread?

Speaker 1 The fuck fuck is, you know, I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know. Sometimes, sometimes, I don't know.
Sometimes we don't fucking, we just don't see out either. Like, I want to make my own steamed dumplings.
She goes, I just buy him at Trader Joe's.

Speaker 3 You know, those are the times, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Those are the times we just want to kind of smile and nod and just slowly back towards the front door, get in a car and just never come back again.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 3 In other words, you lie to yourself that that's what you're going to do for the next 20 minutes as you drive around, you know, talking to yourself at fucking red lights and you look over.

Speaker 3 There's some beautiful woman half your age going, look at that crazy, bald old guy. And you just sit there and you got to be like, wow, I'm the crazy, bald old guy.

Speaker 2 No one's going to want me out here.

Speaker 3 And then you go back home, and then that's it. That's how it works.
But every once in a while, not actually once in a while, more people than not can commit to that.

Speaker 3 They can back their way out the front door and they can go through with it. They take it all the way to the divorce.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 3 They go out, they get themselves a toupee,

Speaker 3 you know?

Speaker 3 They paint it orange, they get a red tie, they run for office,

Speaker 3 they stir people up at truck stops.

Speaker 3 This election is so fucked up that

Speaker 3 it's got really quieted down, huh? After the last fucking debate, if that's what the fuck you want to call it.

Speaker 3 My big thing this year is I want to know

Speaker 3 it's just fucking lose-lose.

Speaker 3 It's fucking lose-lose at the thing. And you know something? As much as I've been sitting here fucking saying, you know, Trump's a fucking racist and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 It's just like, well, you know, the Clintons are from Arkansas.

Speaker 3 So, you know.

Speaker 3 I don't think they're too fucking enlightened down there either, you know?

Speaker 3 I know I'm just fucking being stereotypical here, but give me a break. Old Bill and fucking Hillary, they grew up in Arkansas in like the 50s.

Speaker 3 You might want to go back and look at some of those fucking racist, you know, the racist people screaming at black people, kids going to school for the first time.

Speaker 3 You might want to try to pick her head out or something like that. Give me a fucking break.
You're from Arkansas.

Speaker 3 I love that shit where just because you're a Democrat, that just means that, you know, that you're not homophobic, you're not racist, or I have a, I wear blue.

Speaker 3 I just don't fucking, or that if you're a Republican, then that automatically means that you're, you know, you want to bury babies in the backyard, you know, unless they're fucking blue-eyed white babies.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Like that whole fucking, you're into the corporations and all that. They're all fucking cunts.

Speaker 3 And you know how I know that? Because I'm a cunt too. And I'm somewhere in the middle.
I like to think.

Speaker 3 I definitely lean more fucking left, but I'm also a contrarian, and now I live out here in Hollywood, and I just can't fucking deal with these people out here. And that it's driving me.

Speaker 3 I don't think it's driving me to the right, it's driving me to say things on the right just to fuck with these people.

Speaker 3 Like, I love trashing Hillary out here, it's one of my favorite fucking things to do.

Speaker 3 You know, last night I was fucking around on a stage, and I was talking about that. I was talking about how, you know, well, Hillary's from fucking Arkansas, everybody.
And they all kind of laughed.

Speaker 3 I go, you know, those fucking flyover states that you guys all shit on out here, you know?

Speaker 3 And, you know, of course it gets fucking, I don't know, whatever.

Speaker 3 You know what the big thing is on this ballot is wherever the fuck you live, more important than whether that orange-headed fucking racist cunt or that devil woman with her fucking issues, right?

Speaker 3 She lived in Arkansas in the 1950s. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 3 Give me a fucking break.

Speaker 3 You know what the biggest fucking thing is? Sorry, I'm losing my train of thought here. Is those is all the props, the state propositions.

Speaker 3 You know, and this is what pisses me off. So, I go to this website to try to figure out California's 17 ballot measure propositions explained.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 all they do, they sort of explain the thing, but what they don't have, what I cannot find, is all the bullshit that is attached to each one of these propositions.

Speaker 3 Like, this shit is so fucked up, and I do not understand

Speaker 3 why

Speaker 3 this is never addressed. Why, in all these propositions, like no means yes, yes means no, and then there's a little bit of maybe in there.

Speaker 3 And then, if you vote for the fucking shit, there's some other measure saying that, you know, yeah, it's okay to fucking stick a baby in a snowbank for fucking, you know, 13 hours until it freezes to death or whatever, however fucking long it would

Speaker 3 take, you know?

Speaker 3 I just, I can't find anything that says all the shit that's attached to it. Why can't the fucking ballot just be fucking, the proposition just be written clearly so regular people understand it?

Speaker 3 Yes means yes, no means no, and there's nothing else attached to it.

Speaker 3 You know, like they'll say, all right, uh,

Speaker 3 here we go. Proposition 51 allows the sales of 9 billion in bonds

Speaker 3 to pay for new

Speaker 3 kindergarten to 12th grade and community college facilities. The basics.
Roughly 6 million students attend K-12. You know what the fuck it is.

Speaker 3 Proposition 51 wants to address the needs by allowing the sale of $9 billion in general obligation bonds to pay for buildings and modernizing K-12 and community college.

Speaker 3 It's the first school bond measure on the state ballot since 2006. It's unusual because it's sponsored by the building industry.

Speaker 3 Okay, right there. The fact that it's sponsored by the building industry means they're going to charge us up the fucking ass.

Speaker 3 And in the end, even though they get $9 billion, they're going to come in with the fucking tab of about $15 billion.

Speaker 3 And then they're going to be like, well, we already started it, so I guess we got to physically move some talking shit and tongue blank.

Speaker 3 Typically, the legislator would be the path.

Speaker 3 for getting this kind of proposition on the ballot, but it hasn't been able to do so in recent years.

Speaker 3 Yeah, the fact that the building industry wants to do it, you already know this is crooked as shit. What you're voting on, about $7 billion, nearly ADC, look at this shit.

Speaker 3 $7 billion would be allocated to the K-12 thing, and what, another $2 billion would be for the community college. I got to read all of this shit.

Speaker 3 Supporters include developers, builders, school board officials, and business groups. I don't like any of those people.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Supporters say, all right, supporters say many of our schools need repairs and upgrades to make them safe for our children. That's very vague.

Speaker 3 Proposition 51 will improve education overall and help expand space and community college so more students can attend.

Speaker 3 Opponents say Prop 54 would add to the state debt, which is already more than $400 billion. How the fuck is California $400 billion in debt?

Speaker 3 Bond measures should be passed locally, giving communities control of how the money is spent.

Speaker 3 Ah, Jesus. I mean,

Speaker 3 do you feel any closer?

Speaker 3 All right, so there's one comment. Close the border, eliminate anchor baby citizenship, and reinstitute

Speaker 3 and reinstitute of all provisions of

Speaker 3 Proposition 187. Let's talk about building more schools.
Sorry, I used to always vote yes on these. Now, Sacramento has changed my vote.
I always vote no on school bonds.

Speaker 3 Quid pro quo, baby. What does quid pro quo mean?

Speaker 3 Where the fuck is it? Quid pro

Speaker 3 quo meaning. I love that everybody else is as dumb as me.

Speaker 3 A favor or advantage granted or expected in return for something.

Speaker 3 That doesn't get me any close to understanding it.

Speaker 3 Quid pro quo.

Speaker 3 Jesus fucking Christ. What am I on law and order here? Quid pro quo means an exchange of goods or services where one transfer is contingent upon the other.

Speaker 3 English speakers often, is this tit for tat? Yeah, Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 3 English speakers often use the term to mean a favor for a favor. Phrases with similar meanings would include give and take, tit for tat, and you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours.
Quid pro crow.

Speaker 3 I guess that's the fucking snooty way of saying that shit.

Speaker 3 Let's go back to close the borders here so I can try to figure out what his fucking point is.

Speaker 3 Oh, I get it. Close the fucking borders and then I'll fucking then I'll give money to this.
All right, I see what the guy's saying. I don't know if it's right or not.
All right, fuck politics.

Speaker 2 All right, you know what?

Speaker 3 I tried.

Speaker 2 I fucking tried.

Speaker 3 Old Freckles has not flipped out about technology, and I figured out how to watch the NHL on my phone because somebody in the room knew how to do it, and they walked me through it, and at one point I started to get upset because I go, it's not going on.

Speaker 3 He goes, what do you mean it's not going on? It's supposed to go on now. I go, and then I started getting mad.
I go, why would it go on? Why would it go on?

Speaker 3 It's me if i fucking on it just brought it down bring it down bring it down you know what i mean like you ever see somebody like revving up the engine ready to do a burnout

Speaker 3 and then i brought it all the way down you know

Speaker 3 before the tires stopped moving and i realized that was not the tires i was actually burning out the clutch that's one of the most disgusting things you'll ever see is somebody trying to do a fucking burnout

Speaker 3 And I don't know what happens. I still don't quite understand.
I've never done one. I just never wanted to beat the shit out of my car.
I basically get it with a stick shift.

Speaker 3 I don't know how you do it with an automatic. I've watched fucking the videos, but it's basically you get your RPMs up, you let the clutch out, and then you stomp on the fucking brake.

Speaker 3 So your tires are already fucking going, but somehow if you fuck that up, you let the clutch out.

Speaker 3 and you're revving the engine

Speaker 3 your tires aren't fucking moving and you burn out your clutch and it's it's the i don't know what that smells like but the smoke is evil looking

Speaker 3 um all right, let's move on here.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 3 did anybody watch the Patriots game yesterday?

Speaker 3 Clea, get over there and lay down. Every oh, isn't about you.
Go on, go lay down, go lay down.

Speaker 3 I can't even fucking begin to tell you how much I enjoyed

Speaker 3 the fact that the fucking Patriots beat the Bills yesterday. I didn't say this because I take a beforehand, because I take a nod.

Speaker 3 I get what Bill Belichick does in his press conferences, where he's like, I'm not going to say anything negative about anybody.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to give you any advantages because you fucking fat cunts in the media are going to take this and give bulletin board material for the other team.

Speaker 3 I got to tell you, watching the fucking Buffalo Bills when we played them, when we had our third-string quarterback with a broken fucking hand or whatever the fuck was wrong with him, how they got in his face before the game

Speaker 3 was such a Bush League fucking move

Speaker 3 to the point, like, I've always liked Buffalo. I might be done with that franchise.
Like, I used to give a shit. Ah, you know, they lost four in a row.
Now I'm just like, you know what? Fuck them.

Speaker 3 You know, it's like you're that insecure that you're not going to win the fucking game, that you got to try to pull some shit like that.

Speaker 3 And I was just like, but then I was just thinking, you're like, you know what? Two great things happened.

Speaker 3 We lost, so now we don't have to deal with the pressure of the fucking undefeated season, all of the extra media hype that comes if New England's going undefeated.

Speaker 3 If you're fucking Indianapolis with old fucking,

Speaker 3 what the fuck's his name there?

Speaker 3 Peyton Manning, you can be all the way to 13-0. Nobody's saying nothing, man.
They're right down the street from them cows, right?

Speaker 3 So he took that away. And then also I'm like, the Patriots are going to beat the shit out of this fucking team the next time because of that bullshit.

Speaker 3 Because I know in-house they must have talked about it. And there you go.
You get 41 fucking points, whatever the fuck we scored.

Speaker 3 against you. Having said all that, I'd like to say a lot of positive things like Tyrod Taylor is like impossible to fucking tackle.

Speaker 3 I know the Bills had a bunch of fucking injuries, and I'd make those excuses, but they don't give a fuck.

Speaker 3 Those fucking animals, they don't give a shit.

Speaker 3 They were talking all kinds of trash to a third-string quarterback like they were coming out on the field getting ready to lose another fucking Super Bowl. I love that you're fucking ringless.

Speaker 3 I love that you're four and three. Hey, Buffalo, we're on our way to the playoffs.
See you next year, fuckos.

Speaker 3 Woo! Oh, I enjoyed that. I really fucking enjoyed that.

Speaker 3 You know, fucking Rex Ryan told him to do it too. Oh, God, I've been waiting to go off on this.

Speaker 5 You fucking get out there and you fucking fucking fucking fucking, because we're the best fucking fucking in the fucking AFC fucking East.

Speaker 3 Yeah, go have another fucking hero, you tub of shit.

Speaker 3 You want to talk about cheating? You know, we let a little air out of the ball. He got fucking that stomach gastric surgery.
He's not, he's a fat fuck. He cheated.

Speaker 3 Letting air out of the ball. He had to fucking choke out three quarters of his stomach so he could actually see his dick every once in a while.
Oh,

Speaker 3 sorry.

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 3 Anyways,

Speaker 3 yeah, and I got to tell you something else. The fucking watching this World Series, I've gone back and forth, back and forth, and back and forth about who the fuck I'm rooting for.

Speaker 3 I mean, how do you do it? One team's waiting fucking 70,

Speaker 3 not quite 70 years, right? 68 years?

Speaker 3 Is that what it is? Yeah, 68 years.

Speaker 3 The other team hasn't even been to the fucking World Series in 71 years. And I know you guys are thinking, well, Bill, you're a fucking Red Sox fan.
How come you're not for the Cubs?

Speaker 3 I was totally for the Cubs until I saw the 30 for 30 on fucking Bartman.

Speaker 3 And when I watched it, all of their, hey, let's play two.

Speaker 3 You know, hey, you know, we're the lovable fucking losers. We always show up.
We just root for them. of that went out the window.

Speaker 3 The way that they fucking, what they did to that kid, I just looked at that shit going like, that's exactly what would have happened if someone in Boston did that. New York, Philly, Cleveland.

Speaker 3 These Cubs fans, for all their fucking, you know, Mr. Smith goes to Washington fucking

Speaker 3 apple pie and Chevrolet way that they did. They're just like us.
They're fucking animals. I'm not saying they're as bad as Bills fans of that fucking franchise

Speaker 3 Those cunts. That time I was wearing a Patriots hat.
It was the Bills Jets. I was rooting for the Bills.

Speaker 3 I'm taking a piss in the bathroom, and somebody pushed me from behind while I was taking the piss. What kind of a fucking coward? Maybe there's a reason in the last four in a fucking row.
You know?

Speaker 3 I used to think it was because of Mob Levy. He was just too nice to win a fucking Super Bowl.
And he went up against Jimmy Johnson. Let's get him some hookers and a Corvette, right?

Speaker 3 And fucking, whatever that other guy's name is, Jerry Jones, with his real housewife fucking looking face.

Speaker 3 Good lord.

Speaker 3 That guy always looks like, you know, he got like first degree burns on his face, or maybe like slightly like into the second degrees, but he was like, all right, he refused medical treatment and he just put some salve on his face.

Speaker 3 I know. I'm going hard this week.
I don't know why. I have no idea why.
I'll tell you why. You know why?

Speaker 3 Because last night I wanted to fucking come home and do my goddamn podcast, but my wife, you know,

Speaker 3 wanted to watch a scary movie. So I said, okay, let's watch it.
So we started watching that badoka duk-duk, whatever the fucking that thing is.

Speaker 3 And I got about, like, I got about 40 minutes into that movie. It's like, honey, I don't want to watch the rest of this.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 I hate watching scary movies because I buy in.

Speaker 3 I fucking... buy in and I'm just like I don't want to watch this thing terrorizing this woman and their kid for the next fucking 90 goddamn minutes because I know neither one of them's going to die.

Speaker 3 I know eventually they're going to figure out how to put Badoka Duk back into the fucking thing.

Speaker 3 And then they're going to do something with the book that lets me know that there's going to be another one. Because they're always, you know,

Speaker 3 fucking horror movies can never just fucking end. You know what I mean? Every one of them, they got to get greedy, like Friday the 13th, part fucking 97.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? Nightmare on Elm Street.

Speaker 3 You know, they did like 20 of those. Hellraiser 15, Evil Dead Part 6.
They just want to keep fucking going. And I don't know.

Speaker 3 I just don't like fucking sitting there being, having anxiety.

Speaker 3 You know, and with each scene, they're gradually going to ramp it up. The first time, oh, it's just a little bit of knocking.
And then there's a shadow.

Speaker 3 And then, you know, I was just like, this thing's going to, I got a bad feeling this thing's going to kill the dog. And I don't want to fucking see that.
All right.

Speaker 3 They already foreshadowed in the book that that's what's going to happen. You know, they kind of showed you basically with the pop-up book.
Fuck off if you think I'm ruining this.

Speaker 3 This is like paint by numbers. Every fucking one of them.
I'm getting upset because I just hate. So I was like, I don't want to watch the rest of this.
So she ends up shutting it off.

Speaker 3 And then she's like fucking pissed.

Speaker 3 She's like fucking pissed at me. And it's just like, I like West World.
My wife doesn't give a fuck about West World. I'm still on episode two because every night I want to fucking watch it.

Speaker 3 She's like, nah.

Speaker 3 I want to watch the real housewives of fucking

Speaker 3 St. Louis or whatever the fuck it is.
So anyways, let me get back to the Cubs thing.

Speaker 2 So

Speaker 3 right out of the gate,

Speaker 3 not only is the country, it seems,

Speaker 3 for the Chicago Cubs, it's kind of having this vibe of this foregone conclusion that they're kind of going to win this thing.

Speaker 3 So I have family, or I had family back in the day, out in Ohio. My grandmother worked for the Cleveland Press, you know.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 way back in the day, I had family, you know, I just had family about there, right?

Speaker 3 And so growing up, I kind of was, you know, I was always a Red Sox fan, but,

Speaker 3 you know, I kind of, you know, through my relatives, also kind of rooted for the Indians, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Like, I didn't, I didn't mind the Indians, even though they were in our division way back in the day.

Speaker 3 That and the Tigers, you know what I mean? Just because of relatives, cousins, and all that that shit.

Speaker 3 So I was just like, you know, I kind of like the fucking Indians.

Speaker 3 And, you know, that Steve Bartman shit, like the level that they took that to, that's exactly what would have happened in Philly and all this shit.

Speaker 3 If it happened out in LA, that poor kid would have got killed. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Or San Diego or Sacramento or Fresno or one of these fucking lunatic fucking cities out here where they take sports Oakland way too seriously. San Francisco.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 So it made me just kind of fucking sort of pull back.

Speaker 3 And then also,

Speaker 3 it's like,

Speaker 3 you know what? I'm kind of over these fucking cities that have two professional teams in one sport. It's like

Speaker 3 Chicago won a World Series. They won it in 2005.
And that whole fucking thing where it's like, well, that was just, that was for the south side of the city.

Speaker 2 So what, you need another one for the north side?

Speaker 3 Fuck the White Sox and the Cubs.

Speaker 3 If one of them wins, just fucking jump on a subway or walk three blocks downtown or uptown and join the fucking parade already. Same thing with the Yankees and the Mets, the Lakers and the Clippers,

Speaker 3 and everything in fucking New York. Giants, Jets, Yankees, Mets, fucking Rangers, Islanders, Knicks, and Nets.
Just fuck off with that shit already. It's a New York team.

Speaker 3 If they win, buy your championship hat and go down there and just be happy that, especially in New York, that you're so fucking filthy, stinking, fucking rich that you can have eight teams where everybody else is doing bat doing backflips if they just have one in every sport.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 Isn't it amazing that New York has all those fucking teams and they don't win that much?

Speaker 3 You'd think that, Jesus Christ, you got eight at bats every fucking year.

Speaker 3 The fucking Yankees, I swear to God, are like the sugar daddy of New York City. You know what I mean? The Giants are the favorite son, and everybody else is getting written out of the will.

Speaker 3 That's basically how it works with the sports in New York. You know what? New York should get three teams in every fucking city.
Maybe they could fucking

Speaker 3 do something. Other than the Yankees and the Giants, I have totally fucking respect for them.
But Jesus Christ, the fucking Knicks should combine with the Nets.

Speaker 3 You know, make like a fucking dream team of those two shit shows. Same thing with the Rangers and the Islanders.

Speaker 3 You know, I don't know, the Jets and the Mets, I don't know what they should do. They should both retire and they should start playing badminton.

Speaker 3 Oh, Jesus, Bill. So anyway, so I'm really fucking sitting there and

Speaker 3 I'm loving seeing Terry Francona killing it. And it gets all the way up to three games to one.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 And I don't know, something happened, okay? My Cleveland friends, comedians, one of them in particular, just starts, he's just talking all this shit and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 And he starts, we got, we won the basketball, now we're going to win the baseball. You know, you watch, we're going on a fucking run, you yada da, with no fucking respect.

Speaker 3 And he's talking to a fan from Boston. You know what I mean? It's just like, oh, you're going to win two in one fucking year.
Yeah, we did that. We did that a couple of times.

Speaker 3 And then we won every fucking, we did all of this other shit. I'm not fucking

Speaker 3 throwing that in your face. I'm always the guy going like, I don't know, we'll see.
I don't know, the other team's tough. I never believe we're going to do it until we do it.

Speaker 3 And then we do, then I'm fucking psyched. And you can go back to my podcast.
I wasn't even a cunt when we beat Seattle.

Speaker 3 So these guys are acting like such fucking cunts.

Speaker 2 You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Oh, we got LeBron. We're going to fucking do it again this year.
Oh, LeBron. Oh, you mean the guy that you guys all burned his jersey and you're all done with?

Speaker 3 Versey called that one. Oh, Paul Versee called that one.
Paul Versey, fucking, when he was in Miami and these Cleveland fans were saying, fuck that guy, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 3 Versee said to him, you guys are all going to be sucking his dick when he comes back to town.

Speaker 1 And they were like, no way, that's never going to happen.

Speaker 3 Well, it's happening. That whole city's on their fucking knees.

Speaker 3 So anyways,

Speaker 3 so... At some point, after they went up three games to one, I went back to the Cubs.
The reality is, is I don't give a shit who wins this fucking thing because it's going to be great for one city.

Speaker 3 It's going to be devastating

Speaker 3 for the other city.

Speaker 3 Obviously, but so here's the deal. This is what's at stake with this World Series.
If the Cubs win, the Indians become the Cubs.

Speaker 3 They become the ones that have gone the fucking longest. All right? So they can't fucking lose.
All right.

Speaker 3 If Cleveland wins,

Speaker 3 all right, not only the Cubs still the Cubs, as far as my quick

Speaker 3 research showed me, the next people in line for second place would be the Colt 45s slash Houston Astros that started in 1962.

Speaker 3 In 1962,

Speaker 3 the Chicago Cubs were already 54 years

Speaker 3 into their drought.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 3 1962 is 54 years from where the fuck we are right now.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 3 So the Astros are 54 years into their drought where the Cubs were in 1962, and the Cubs are now twice that at 108. I don't know what the fuck that means.

Speaker 3 Does that mean that you should go play the lottery right now?

Speaker 1 54,

Speaker 3 62, 108? I have no idea what that fucking means. It's just, you know, one of those number things.

Speaker 3 But I got to tell you, it's almost fitting that if the Cubs were going to win it, that they would torture their fucking fans to this level.

Speaker 3 And it's fitting that if the Indians were going to lose it, they would go up three to one to lift their fucking team's hopes. This is why I think the Cubs are going to win.

Speaker 3 If Terry Francona wasn't in that dugout, the master. By the way, he needs, that guy needs

Speaker 3 a nickname like the assassin. He needs like a boxer nickname.
Like, remember lights out, James Toney,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 or the executioner, Bernard Hopkins. He needs a name like that.
It's just that he doesn't look like that, but that's exactly what that guy is.

Speaker 1 All right?

Speaker 3 But what I'm saying is

Speaker 3 because of what these teams have done to their fans, it would be fitting that the fucking Cubs wouldn't just go in and win the fucking thing so their fans could just relax and finally enjoy a series.

Speaker 3 They would have to go down three to one before they'd come back and then Cleveland couldn't just lose the series they'd have to go up three games to one

Speaker 3 so this is what's crazy about three you're up three games to one you're like holy fuck you're starting to take the wire off the champagne bottle at that point right

Speaker 3 but then all of a sudden you fucking lose game five and just instantly it's like holy fuck if we lose the next one it's all tied up

Speaker 3 so now the pressure is on the Indians I'll tell you the cubs are going in there They're playing loose. They got nothing to lose other than fucking a 108-year drought.

Speaker 3 I don't know who's on the mound. I don't know what.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 3 I'm going to say the obvious. The Cubs got to go.

Speaker 3 They got to score early and make the fucking Indians tighten up. That's what the fuck they got to do.

Speaker 1 Or

Speaker 3 that's what's going to happen in game six.

Speaker 3 Either the Cubs are going to score early, Indians fucking tighten up and then lose the game, and then we get a game seven, or if the Indians go up early, it's gonna be a bloodbath.

Speaker 3 It's gonna be a shit show.

Speaker 3 I'm hoping the first thing happens because I want to see

Speaker 3 I want to see a game seven

Speaker 3 against a team that hasn't won it in 108 years and a team that hasn't won it in fucking

Speaker 3 What is it, 68 fucking years? 68 is adorable to a Red Sox fan. That's fucking hilarious.
I mean, I don't give a fuck. That's like, that's what we were there in like the 70s, right?

Speaker 3 What was 68 for us? I was at the Mets.

Speaker 3 Let's see, 1918

Speaker 3 to 1978. That's 60 years.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 yeah, 86. That was 1986.
So you're just at Bill Buckner. Go fuck yourselves.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 3 You're just at Bill Buckner. As far as where I'm coming from, you got to go another fucking another 18 years to 2004.

Speaker 3 So I guess I won't root for the Indians. No, I can't.

Speaker 1 I fucking, I don't know.

Speaker 3 My relatives got me into the Indians. I don't know what to do.

Speaker 1 I don't know who to root for here. You know what I'm rooting for?

Speaker 3 I'm rooting for a game seven. I'm rooting for a game seven.
And then they're going to go up against each other.

Speaker 3 And one team's finally going to win that critical game seven and get the monkey off their back.

Speaker 3 And then another one is just going to add another giant cinder block right on the fucking hearts of their fans. It's going to, oh, God.

Speaker 3 This one has train written all over it. All right, let me read a little bit of fucking advertising.
Ah, Jesus there, Bill, you didn't fucking copy and paste them.

Speaker 3 I hope, by the way, you guys are watching the series because it's been unbelievable. What a fucking great series it's been.

Speaker 3 Oh, Christ, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 Come on, Bill. Click here, click there.

Speaker 3 All right, how many do we got here?

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Okay, here we go.

Speaker 1 Oh, Luke Crete, everybody.

Speaker 3 Give me the loot. Actually, great shit.
You know what I mean? You look and smell great when you go on a date. You know what I mean? That's good for the ladies.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 Maybe they'll be a little less upset when you go to make your move that night.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 What do I want to talk about now? Let's go. Let's go to...

Speaker 3 Oh, I went down to

Speaker 3 Lago last night.

Speaker 3 Been slogging through my new fucking...

Speaker 3 Bullshit trying to see where the the new hour is going to come from

Speaker 3 And I don't know.

Speaker 1 We'll see.

Speaker 3 We'll see. All I know is I don't have any fucking rogue gigs till February.
So I can just totally chill out. I've been working out and eating like a fucking animal, though.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I made this pumpkin bread and shit.

Speaker 3 You know, Rogan gave me some of that elk burger I made it late last night and then I had a slice of pumpkin bread after it. So it's weird.

Speaker 3 It's like I'm in really good shape, but I also got this belly.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like, I love the fucking holidays.

Speaker 3 And to me, the holidays is you throw down, you cook, you make stuff for your friends. You know what I mean? Fuck that.
I'm not getting a fucking bottle of champagne.

Speaker 3 You know what? I'm going to finish this fucking podcast, and I'm going to go out and make some goddamn pumpkin bread.

Speaker 2 All right?

Speaker 3 I'll show my wife. I'll show her who's boss.

Speaker 3 By the way, you guys really enjoyed that two-hour podcast, huh?

Speaker 3 I think we just went into a zone. A two-hour podcast is a long-ass fucking time.
Unless you're hanging with Joe Rogan,

Speaker 3 who I hung out with and finally got him on the podcast last Thursday, if you missed it.

Speaker 3 Once again, he has a new amazing stand-up special called Triggered.

Speaker 3 We talked about everything from hunting elk and wild fucking boar

Speaker 3 to working out, UFC shit, election stuff, stand-up comedy.

Speaker 3 Just had a great fucking time.

Speaker 3 But his special is on Netflix, so definitely check it out if you get a chance. And all all right, let's get back to

Speaker 3 the podcast here. Oh, F1 action.
In F1 action, I totally missed the fucking race, but I read up on it. Lewis Hamilton wins again.

Speaker 3 For those of you sort of keeping score now that I've been keeping score,

Speaker 3 you get 25 points if you win, 18 for second, 15 for third. Then it's 12, 10, 8, 6, 4, 2, 1, right? That's the top, the top fucking 10 works.

Speaker 3 Cleo, you could not be more adorable right now. What it is, is she wants F-O-O-D.
I got up a little bit early to do this podcast. So now she's come over.
She's sat down next to me.

Speaker 3 Her ears are down and she's rested her head on my arm and she's just staring at me like I don't know what's going on.

Speaker 3 All right, dude. I got another 20 minutes.
Just fucking relax. No, no, no, no, not coming up on the couch.
Go on, go lay down. Go lay down.
Go lay down.

Speaker 3 Cleo, get out of here, please.

Speaker 3 Jesus Christ, what the fuck? I get it. Get out of here.

Speaker 2 Cleo, get off of the couch.

Speaker 3 Lay down. Oh, now she's needy.

Speaker 3 All right. Anyways,

Speaker 3 so Rosberg had a fucking league. In the last two fucking races, Hamilton has won both.
So he's shaved 14 fucking points.

Speaker 3 Off of the lead. All fucking Nico had to do was fucking win one more race, I felt.
If he could have won it yesterday, he could have wrapped this thing up.

Speaker 3 I'm kind of glad that he didn't because I want to see the person fucking wrap it up.

Speaker 3 So the next race, I believe, is in Brazil,

Speaker 3 which is not until November 13th.

Speaker 3 And I apologize to F1 fans because I know I got into this shit and then I've just dropped the ball in like the last four or five ones. But I'm fucking living in this goddamn house.
I fucked up.

Speaker 3 I forgot that it was this week and that I actually figured out through Apple TV or some shit that I patiently worked my way through and actually figured out

Speaker 3 that I could actually get,

Speaker 3 was it NBC Sports? Is that the name of the channel? And I could have watched the game. I should have could have watched the race.
So I got to go home today.

Speaker 3 My house around the fucking corner. Tape that fucking thing.

Speaker 3 By the way, the kitchen's just come to a grinding fucking halt. I don't know why, but they're still telling us that they're going to finish on fucking time.
So whatever.

Speaker 1 Whatever.

Speaker 3 I'm sure they will. I'm fucking sure they will.
All right, let's get out of this. Let's do some,

Speaker 3 what can I talk about now? Did you guys watch Clemson Florida? Fucking amazing game. I also watched the,

Speaker 3 not Clemson, Florida, Florida State. Then I also watched Florida, fucking Georgia.
And you know what I was thinking when I first saw it, I was just like, man, I got to go to that game.

Speaker 3 I got to go to that game in Jacksonville, the biggest outdoor cocktail party in the world, as they say. And I'm like, I bet the fans are cool with each other.

Speaker 3 They're fucking, you know, because it's a neutral site.

Speaker 3 You know, everybody's just psyched to be away from their house. Sorry, I'm fucking yawning here.

Speaker 3 Georgia scores first. They cut to the Georgia fans in the stands.
And I clearly see this guy turned around, not facing the field, and just giving the finger to the Florida fans above him.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, wow.

Speaker 3 All right, it's at that level. Okay, it's at that fucking level.

Speaker 3 You know, I had really had no interest in going to that game.

Speaker 3 I want to go to the swamp, and I've been to a Georgia home game between the hedges, and I've been to a Jacksonville versus Bengals game, so I felt like I'd been to that stadium.

Speaker 3 But after seeing it, I was like, fuck, man, that looks like fun. And I always have a great time in Jacksonville.
Everybody shits on Jacksonville.

Speaker 3 It's a good fucking time if you take the stick out of your ass.

Speaker 1 You can go to a gun range, shoot guns

Speaker 3 with the fucking silencer on.

Speaker 1 All right, Cleo.

Speaker 3 The only thing I can do is just sit here and pet you as I do the rest of this. All right.

Speaker 3 All right, Westwood.

Speaker 3 Dear Bill,

Speaker 3 glad you love West World. For some reason, he wrote Westwood in the beginning.
Glad you love West World.

Speaker 3 I look forward to hearing your thoughts on the rest of the

Speaker 3 season.

Speaker 3 If you like that and you're looking for a great movie to watch, check out The 13th Floor. It came out in the late 90s and deals with similar themes.
Are you into reading fan theories? A common one now

Speaker 3 that is a non-spoiler is that Ed Harris's character and the nice guy who's new to the park are the same person. Another claims that it's actually all on Mars.

Speaker 1 Oh, for Westworld?

Speaker 3 Yeah. Well, I got to get caught up before people ruin shit.
I'll definitely check out

Speaker 3 the 13th floor. And I think I'm going to watch an episode, episode 3 of Westworld, because I think they're up to five at this point.
I'm going to watch that today, and I'm going to get caught up.

Speaker 3 And, you know, because my wife fucking cheated on me with TV. You know what I mean? When you guys have your shows,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 3 We watch that show below deck with a yachts get on there right and uh it's just it's a reality show that we can both watch because they're always in the fucking mediterranean they got a fucking yacht it's the shit we always think oh we should do that it'd be fucking awesome and then you look up the prices and it's like the price of a house to rent one of those fucking things

Speaker 3 You gotta be like Beyonce and Jay-Z. Like, both of you can sell out the Rose Bowl on any given fucking night, you know? You gotta be that level of wealth to fucking justify.

Speaker 3 Do you realize that two of them are almost worth a billion dollars? So for them to blow 250 grand on a fucking yacht is like, let's just say you're worth $100 million.

Speaker 3 If you're worth $100 million, $250,000 is like 0.25%

Speaker 3 of your money, right? Because a million is like 1%, right? So I don't know how to work that out. It's like 25% of 1%, whatever the fuck that is.
of your money and they're worth 10 times that

Speaker 3 so that that's like you and I, hey, you want a yacht for a week? And you take a penny out of your pocket and you break it into four fucking pieces and just hand it to them.

Speaker 1 There you go.

Speaker 3 There you go. Yeah, we'd like all the amenities.

Speaker 3 Anyways,

Speaker 3 I will definitely be checking that out. Ed Harris is like, as always, as always, one of the greatest actors of all fucking time.

Speaker 3 I'll watch anything that that guy's in. I swear to God.
The only thing I never saw is when he

Speaker 1 was the one where... Oh, God, Jonika!

Speaker 1 Fuck.

Speaker 3 The only one I never saw was the one when he played the painter, and that got nominated, or he got nominated for an Oscar. So I still haven't seen that one, so I got to check that out.

Speaker 3 All right, old toys.

Speaker 3 Dear Billy Potato Head.

Speaker 3 I love that. That's a good one, because that kind of shits on my Irish heritage, and then also makes fun of the shape of my head.

Speaker 3 If, if, if you ever have kids, will you try and expose them to toys that you enjoyed as a child? You strike me as a matchbox car kid.

Speaker 3 I don't force the toys of my childhood on my kids, but I've put a couple army men in their general area to give them a chance to play like I did. I am a huge

Speaker 3 agreer of that, a proponent of that.

Speaker 1 Opponent of that? Proponent.

Speaker 3 Oh, that's what proponent means. You're pro.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 3 I never knew what that meant. I just kind of figured that out.

Speaker 1 Opponent, proponent.

Speaker 3 Oh, pumpkin bread, pro-pumpkin bread. I get it.

Speaker 3 Yeah, absolutely. I absolutely

Speaker 3 will do that.

Speaker 3 My big thing is playing catch.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 I'm going to buy a fucking.

Speaker 3 I'm going to buy

Speaker 3 a lefty glove for myself is what I'm going to do. Because I can throw a little bit with my left hand.
And rather than just sitting there firing it into my kid, I'd fucking,

Speaker 3 I'm going to go with the left hand. We were doing that yesterday.
We had a football, right?

Speaker 3 This place then we're renting here has this fucking great pool. So it was halftime of the Florida game and we're out there smoking cigars and shit and we finished that up.

Speaker 3 We got the game turned up loud. So the game became there was four guys, right? So you had two on one side of the pool, two on the other side of the pool.
So you had to throw with your opposite hand.

Speaker 3 First person that sent it into the pool, or if you had a catchable ball and it fell into the pool, was,

Speaker 1 I don't know, whatever the fuck it was,

Speaker 3 was that thing, that word you can't fucking say anymore because everybody gets offended. And it's not a racial slurp, but it is,

Speaker 3 you know the word.

Speaker 3 Nobody said it, but we all knew. You know, without saying, you know, we're older guys, like, that's what it means.

Speaker 3 So anyways, yeah, I would definitely do that. I was not a matchbox car kid.

Speaker 3 I was corgi cars. We used to call them corgi because we didn't know it was pronounced corgi until we got older.
And I'm so old that I remember when they had rubber wheels on them.

Speaker 3 And I had the giant oil truck. I was big.
I had all the race cars. I had the Johnny Player Special.
I had the Jackie Stewart Elf car.

Speaker 3 And my mother doesn't throw out shit, so I still have all of them.

Speaker 3 I had one of those, you know, that kind of racing where the car just looks like a giant doorstop.

Speaker 3 It wasn't Formula One.

Speaker 3 It's not Indar racing. It's not open wheel.

Speaker 3 You know what? The car looks like a water slide. Like you could slide from the fin all the way down to the front.
I don't know what kind. I had a white and red one of those.

Speaker 3 Lincoln logs,

Speaker 3 Lego blocks.

Speaker 3 You know stuff like that. I think it's big to not have you to keep your kids

Speaker 3 You know

Speaker 3 i don't know the you got to get them outside and you gotta you gotta keep them in their own like i don't know i i have such a hatred of of computers and ipads and all of that shit um and kids just love them i mean they go up to it like

Speaker 3 you know liquid television type of shit you know back in the day the mtv i remember that graphic it used to just make me want to sit down and watch it

Speaker 3 I don't know, Mr. Potato Head.
I don't know about that. Definitely like board games.
I think it'd be fun. Playing cards.

Speaker 3 I think it's cool to expose your kids to that, you know, so they have like that old school shit. Like, wasn't it always the greatest? Like, when, like, for me, if I met

Speaker 3 some woman, I took her out on a date, and she had some old school stuff about her.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? That stuff that was sort of passed down. I think that's really like a cool thing.
And I think

Speaker 3 like some shit, like playing cards, playing catch, like going outside

Speaker 3 is just like you know, riding bicycles,

Speaker 3 just like all that shit is going away. And I'm not one of these old people that I look at young kids and be like, you know, what are they doing today? They're fucking nuts.

Speaker 3 And these kids today, they don't get it. And it's just like,

Speaker 3 I totally get why they're doing it.

Speaker 3 Because I had to tap out Grand Theft Auto 3 in like 2003 or 2004.

Speaker 3 I had to unplug my PlayStation and stick it in the back of the closet.

Speaker 3 I literally just one day,

Speaker 3 it was like the fifth day in a row, I was just playing all day long and I could not stop.

Speaker 3 I had already beat the game, I got the cheats, I did all of that shit, and then I was just going on rampages every night, just shooting up the city.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 2 I just,

Speaker 3 you know, I kind of just lost everything else in my life. I wasn't writing jokes and all that shit.
So that was like 13 years ago. So I can't imagine how amazing the games are.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 like the virtual reality goggles and all of that shit. I can't even fucking imagine like how you get your kid to go in the backyard and just have a game of catch.

Speaker 3 Like to me, that's the greatest fucking thing ever. I think it's a great way to communicate with your kid.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Because it's like you're doing it's another activity going on, so they're not really paying attention.

Speaker 3 You can praise them when they're doing well, you know, build up their confidence, and then you just slide in. So, how's it going at school? You know, and then you just read them, ah, it's going great.

Speaker 3 All right, so it's going good. If you see them, kind of look down, oh, you know, it's all right, what's the matter? What's going on? And they can kind of open up to you.

Speaker 3 I think it's like a great way to

Speaker 3 be able to do that. To have your kid be able to come to you if they have a fucking problem is

Speaker 3 a huge thing. But

Speaker 3 how you sit there with a glove and a ball

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 3 how that competes with putting on fucking reality glasses and you feel like you're going to fucking base jump off of a building or whatever the fuck they do.

Speaker 3 I don't know what the fuck they do with those things.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 3 that's a difficult one. I love Lincoln logs.

Speaker 1 I didn't like Lego blocks.

Speaker 3 You stepped on them in your bare feet. They fucking hurt.
Not the Lincoln logs did, but like that plastic shit. I wasn't into that as much as

Speaker 3 the Lincoln logs were cool. We used to fucking build those things.

Speaker 3 We build houses and then we would, you know, with our corgi, corgi car, corgi cars, whatever the fuck they're called, drive them around. We'd have traffic jams and all of that type of shit.

Speaker 3 We had names for everybody that drove the cars.

Speaker 3 Remember, I had all the fucking race cars

Speaker 3 and all my,

Speaker 3 it's weird. They drove like a Formula One car to work and and then they drove the trucks I had trucks and racing cars

Speaker 3 then my other brother who's a total fucking gearhead he actually liked like the real looking cars like a Volkswagen bug or like a station wagon like he wanted to look like the cars you could actually fucking drive

Speaker 3 I know my mother didn't throw all of those out. Jesus Christ, it's fucking nuts.
They're all up in the attic somewhere. All right, election.
Bill, the election is right around the corner.

Speaker 3 A couple weeks ago, you eulogized the Great Barrier Reef. Any last words for this election?

Speaker 3 Not the country as a whole, because I don't think it'll fall apart.

Speaker 3 But I imagine this has exposed a side of our country that we've been able to keep under wraps for a while, which is that no one ever pays attention to anything unless it's an easy talking point.

Speaker 3 That everything is more fucked up than we know or would like to admit. What's the worst thing that will happen if either candidate wins?

Speaker 3 Well, if Trump wins, the worst thing is we're going to have to listen to all these European countries talk about how dumb Americans are, especially people in England.

Speaker 3 And I just want to say to them, like, you know what? What if you threw out the person every four to eight years? And I would love to see what the fuck you end up with. You know what I mean?

Speaker 3 Some years it's just not a good draft. They're fucking,

Speaker 3 whatever the fuck his name is. Tony Blair.
That guy's been in there since Bush.

Speaker 3 Not even saying that guy's good, but you just get somebody in there and they just stay there until they die. Doesn't he have like Margaret Thatcher's job?

Speaker 1 Ugh, the original Hillary Clinton.

Speaker 3 Hillary Clinton? Can't even say her fucking name. What's the worst that will happen?

Speaker 3 I don't know. If Trump wasn't such a fucking jerk off, if he wasn't such a jerk off, it's really what the country needs.
You need somebody who isn't a part of the fucking system.

Speaker 3 You don't, but you just can't have a guy like that in there. And then Hillary is just going to be more of the fucking same.

Speaker 3 It's just going to keep driving this country towards ruin. Dude, none of them talked about the population problem.
None of them talked about the nationwide heroin epidemic.

Speaker 3 None of them talked about genetically altered food. None of them talked about fucking global warming.
Maybe they touched on it for a second. They haven't said shit.
They're not going to do anything.

Speaker 3 None of them are going to try to stop the banks, put them in fucking line. They're building another real estate bubble.

Speaker 3 I'll tell you what's fucking hilarious out here is they are building up LA like I've never fucking seen.

Speaker 3 They bought up the house of blues right across the street from the fucking

Speaker 3 From the fucking

Speaker 3 comedy store. They pay like $28 million for the thing.
They're going to put these high-rise fucking million dollar multi-million dollar fucking condos in there.

Speaker 3 It's like who the fuck's going to afford to buy those things?

Speaker 2 All right. And this is the thing.

Speaker 3 After 2008, after we saw what happened,

Speaker 3 They fucking gave the houses. None of the bankers went to jail.
They gave them the houses back so they could do it all over again. They're building another fucking bubble.

Speaker 3 And I'm already calling it right now by fucking 2021, 2022 or some shit, there is going to be a bunch of empty fucking condo fucking high-rises going along the Sunset Strip.

Speaker 3 And they've knocked down the Rainbow Room, the Roxy, the Whiskey, House of Blues, maybe the Comedy Store. They're going to wipe out all of these fucking things.

Speaker 3 There's going to be nobody in those buildings.

Speaker 3 And even if they are in those buildings, they're going to have no fucking place to go because they knocked down all the cool places to hang out on Sunset Strip. It's so fucking stupid.

Speaker 3 You know, I was getting gas the other day,

Speaker 3 another place on the Sunset Strip. And this guy said, I say, yeah, you own the gas station.
He goes, I wish I did. This property just sold for 14 million bucks.

Speaker 3 And, you know, they're knocking down the two buildings next to it. And they're going to put up a fucking, you know, 170-unit fucking,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I just don't know where all these people are going to be coming that can afford to pay. I just don't know where they're going to come from.

Speaker 3 And for what I heard, you know, at least the ones on La Cienega, that was like oil money,

Speaker 3 you know, like Saudi Arabian money came in and they don't give a fuck.

Speaker 1 I mean, they got money forever.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 What's the worst thing will happen if either candidate comes in is that they're not going to stop what's already going on.

Speaker 3 And I got to be honest with you, I don't even think like, you know, all the Bernie Sanders and all those types of people, you would literally need an army of those people, and then they would need bulletproof vests to fucking, that's how powerful corporations are, and that's how off the fucking rails we are.

Speaker 3 I don't know, which is why I'm trying to focus on the propositions.

Speaker 3 And I wish if anybody can find a fucking website out there that not only lets me know what I'm voting for, but lets me know what is attached to it.

Speaker 3 Like, because who doesn't want to improve the schools? You know?

Speaker 3 But, you know, whenever they have stuff like that, like, hey, let's clean up the drinking water, then they attach all this other evil shit underneath it.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 3 I don't know. It's all very overwhelming.
So it's so fucking overwhelming that you're asking a stand-up comedian what's going to happen.

Speaker 3 Or maybe you just did because you want to hear me make a fucking ass of myself.

Speaker 1 All right, here we go.

Speaker 3 Cool guy, terrible in bed.

Speaker 3 Oh, Jesus.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 Dear Billy Bush Beer.

Speaker 3 I'm a 20-year-old female college student.

Speaker 1 I go to Holy Cross.

Speaker 3 Oh, in. Oh, you said is.
I go to Holy Cross.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 I go to Holy Cross in Worcester.

Speaker 3 I had a boyfriend for the first three years of college, and now I'm single. I hooked up with a guy that I didn't know was kind of an asshole.
He's sort of popular and seemed friendly.

Speaker 3 One drunken night, I did the worst thing I could do, fed his ego.

Speaker 3 Had I known he was a moron and a pompous douchebag, I would not have done this. I'll save you the reasons why he's a douchebag, but just picture lame 80s preppy bully who thinks he's God's gift.

Speaker 3 Again, I didn't know this because I'd never paid attention to him. Well, after we hooked up, he told some people that I told him he was the best fuck I ever had.

Speaker 3 This found its way back to me and Bill, I was shocked. Why? Because he was the worst fuck I ever had.

Speaker 3 He had no idea what he was doing.

Speaker 3 He was, for lack of better words, not present. No rhythm and average at best.
I wasn't mad at this because it was my choice to hook up with him, but now he's putting words in my mouth.

Speaker 3 I really just want to tell someone how bad he was and wait for it to get back around to him. What is my move here, Bill and or Nea? Well, wait a minute.
Did you say he was? Wait.

Speaker 3 One drunken night, I did the worst thing I could do.

Speaker 3 Feed his stupid ego.

Speaker 3 Does that mean that you slept with him?

Speaker 3 I can't tell if you by feed his ego,

Speaker 1 you, you,

Speaker 3 he was so bad, you felt like you had to say something nice.

Speaker 3 No, there's no fucking way you said, there's no way you said he was the best fuck.

Speaker 3 I think you're saying, yeah.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think you're saying that you fed his ego by hooking up with him. Had I known he was a moron and a pompous dude.
Okay, so he's walking around saying that you said,

Speaker 3 and you're also saying he's putting words in your mouth. So I'm assuming that you never said that.
So fed his ego means that you fucking hooked up with them. That's what I'm guessing.

Speaker 3 I don't fucking know. Christ, they speak in riddles.

Speaker 3 I wasn't mad at this because,

Speaker 1 well,

Speaker 3 oh, this is a tough one.

Speaker 1 I would,

Speaker 1 I would call him up.

Speaker 3 And when he picked up, I'd be like, why are you walking around saying that I said you were the best fuck I ever had? I never said that.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 3 I never said that.

Speaker 1 Okay?

Speaker 3 And hear what he says. And you know something? There might be a thing.
This is the thing.

Speaker 3 This fucking, a lot of these guys like this are tremendously insecure maybe he knows he doesn't know what the fuck he's doing so he's walking around saying that so he can feel better about himself because he feels that awful about himself and he feels so fucking awful about himself that not only does he got to go that big

Speaker 3 that the the the fucking way he feels about himself is such a big thing that it doesn't that he doesn't even think that that's going to get back to you or he doesn't even consider your fucking feelings So

Speaker 3 you can either be the biggest person and know that this person is tremendously insecure and walks around and probably doesn't like themselves, which is a fucking horrible feeling to have, and just take peace with that,

Speaker 1 or

Speaker 3 you can call the guy out, which I kind of like.

Speaker 3 Okay

Speaker 3 And I you know and at that point you're gonna be listen If you were the best fuck I ever had, I would have said that to you.

Speaker 3 And just leave it at that, because you haven't told him that he's completely fucking inept.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? But you're also kind of putting the guy in check.

Speaker 3 And then you have your final option, which is

Speaker 3 you can go around saying

Speaker 3 that he wasn't the best fuck I ever had.

Speaker 3 He's fucking terrible in that bed. And then you know what happens is everybody just gets to sit back and enjoy watching you guys fucking do this shit I understand why you'd want to do it

Speaker 3 I don't know I don't do the revenge thing I kind of go to the persons that's doing whatever they're doing that's fucking annoying me and I just kind of chop the head off there

Speaker 3 and

Speaker 3 and then if somebody comes up to me and says what they said I would say

Speaker 3 I would just say to him personally, yeah, that isn't true. I never said that.
I don't know. I don't know what the fuck to do.
I'm sorry that this happened to you.

Speaker 3 And at 20 years of age, it's probably hard to understand a lot of the shit that I'm saying of what that guy feels about himself.

Speaker 3 But, you know, you can't have somebody walking around saying shit like that about you. So I would

Speaker 3 first thing I would do, I would confront the guy, call him up, and be like, why are you saying that? I never said that.

Speaker 3 You know?

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 if you continue to say that, and if he kind kind of goes around you look if you continue to say that you're leaving me in a position here that I have to tell them the truth Okay,

Speaker 3 you're not the best fuck I ever had all right

Speaker 3 I Don't know it's I don't know that's that's a you know

Speaker 3 guys if you listen to this thing and you're a young person, that's such a fucking asshole thing to do.

Speaker 1 All right

Speaker 3 That's totally coming from your own goddamn insecurity.

Speaker 3 All right, and as an older wiser fucking man, you know, I wish that somebody older told me that when you hook up with somebody, you keep your fucking mouth shut.

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? You're quiet about it. You know, it happened.
Who gives a fuck? Who knows?

Speaker 3 You know what I mean? That's it's an insecure fucking move. And just to sit there, and then she did this, and then did that, and she fucking did this.

Speaker 3 Like, that's a really fucking asshole thing to do. And

Speaker 3 women, if you hook up with the guy and he's fucking terrible or he's got a little dick and all that type of shit, right?

Speaker 3 If he's not out there talking shit for you to walk around fucking doing that too, that's another fucking asshole move. It's an asshole move either way.
And in this case, the guy's the asshole. So

Speaker 3 I don't know. You know something? If you can hang on until Thursday, I'll run it by Nia.

Speaker 3 I'll have her on again and I'll run it by her. It's just that she's still sleeping here.
So

Speaker 3 anyways, all right, let me, that's it for the questions. Let me read the last two advertisements here, and then I got some pumpkin bread to make.

Speaker 1 All right, that is it.

Speaker 3 That is the podcast.

Speaker 3 Let's go, Cubbies. I want to see a game seven, and then

Speaker 3 listen, I don't want to see either one of you guys lose. You know what I mean? You've both waited long enough, but I got a root for the Cubs in game six because I want to see a game seven.

Speaker 3 All right, that's it.

Speaker 2 I got my app.

Speaker 3 The NHL app is working for me now.

Speaker 3 I'll be watching Bruins games and that type of shit, and I'm gonna try to watch that uh formula one race uh for all you fucking gearheads out there all right go fuck yourselves i'll check in

Speaker 3 on thursday

Speaker 2 what's up everybody and welcome back to the anything better podcast show nfl edition uh for week going into week number nine Holy shit, we are flying by.

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Don't go nuts. And hey, follow our picks.
We're starting to come back.

Speaker 2 Bill, happy halloween follow paul bursty's picks uh happy halloween bill what are you dressing up as what are you going as tonight i'm going as a bald dad who doesn't know where his dreams went

Speaker 1 i'm going

Speaker 2 going as a guy who doesn't know how he ended up ever getting this busy in life Oh, dude, a bald dad is funny. That's funny.
What do you have? I'm a bald dad. Oh, you're nailing it.

Speaker 2 I'm crunching it, dude. I totally bought.
I mean, that's what I thought you were when when I looked at you.

Speaker 2 Gray sweatshirt, holding it. Wait, where'd you get those clothes out of my closet?

Speaker 2 You know,

Speaker 2 hey, you know, Paul, you write what you know. That's great.
Uh, do you take the kids' trick-or-treating? Are you one of those?

Speaker 1 Oh, 100%. Yeah,

Speaker 2 I have turned down gigs

Speaker 2 that were going to overlap. Birthdays, Halloween, holidays.
You got to be there.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 You only get it, dude. You think about it, you get 18 of them.
That's it. That's not even a month's worth of days.
You can't, you can't miss them. You don't even get 18 of them.

Speaker 2 Lucas is 15, and like, I think he's going to a party. Like, I don't even have that.
It's like, I don't. When do they stop trick-or-treating? You know, Sophia's 12.

Speaker 2 She's going to a friend's house, and Lucas is going to a party, dude. It's going to be me watching the Jets.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Dude, what? What?

Speaker 2 You can't blame any players on the Jets. Like that, that

Speaker 2 franchise is just inept. I still don't get why they fired their head coach with nobody to replace him.

Speaker 3 I know.

Speaker 2 You're telling me nobody was better than that guy? Well, here's the debt. Nobody.
Here's the deal. Rodgers didn't like him.
That's why they did it.

Speaker 2 That's why they did it.

Speaker 1 Oh, boy.

Speaker 2 When the big dog doesn't like him,

Speaker 2 you know, what are you going to do? But hey. They had a little tift.
I know. You ride it out.
You know, absence makes the heart go fonder. You know, he stands at one end of the sideline.

Speaker 2 The other guy stands on the other, and they meet in the middle. Hey, man, I'm sorry I didn't hug you on game four.
That's all right, bro. Yeah, whatever happened to going up top.

Speaker 2 I was thinking of going up top. All right, hey, whatever you want to do.
Go get a beer with a guy. Take a guy to get some wings and talk.
Just you two. Whatever happened to that?

Speaker 1 Can you go get a steak?

Speaker 2 I mean, I like to think it's still around at a different level. I would do that with you.
Yeah, let's get a steak.

Speaker 2 Can we get a steak, Bill? I mean, we're making money to play a kid's game. I mean, what is? I mean, that would make me want to hug somebody.

Speaker 1 We're making millions. He's no one losing.

Speaker 1 Let's smoke a stick. Yes.

Speaker 1 These people are so mad right now, but I'm so happy.

Speaker 2 I'm going to buy another car this weekend. Crazy.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah, yeah. Whether it's complete or not, this money is guaranteed.

Speaker 2 I just don't like, I don't even, I'm getting to the, it's getting to the point of like, why do the jets still exist?

Speaker 2 And also, as a New York fan, it's like you have the Giants. Walk across the street.
You don't have to leave the fucking stadium.

Speaker 2 They should sell reversible jet jackets like and just so they just turn into giant jackets when you walk out of the the stadium you know what bugged me what bugged me last night was uh right after the yankees lost congratulations to the dodgers these met fans were going couldn't have been more a perfect day and they don't even have prospects they're done all is right in the world and like dude some people that have like big podcasts saying that like rude going like this ah what a beautiful day and i and it's almost like dude you guys like don't even belong in the same sentence as it's like what are we and that right there paul is why they love watching you lose yeah you guys always remind them yeah that they are not the giants that they are not the dodgers

Speaker 2 they are they are the that they're the not as hot second wife after the first one left here for the sunshine of the west coast you always remind them of that Their colors are an amalgam of two teams that already existed.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're the gumad that's not as pretty, but she does filthier shit. Exactly.
And it's just

Speaker 2 waiting for New York to break up with the Yankees and finally marry her. And it's just never going to happen.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 She's telling her friends, no, he told me. It's coming.
She put a few pounds on. She's sliding into 50.
She's going to the wine rack a little bit too much.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't know, dude. I would never, I'm really, I wouldn't.
And I think, you know, dude, you know me as a friend, right?

Speaker 2 You think one minute after your team lost, I would ever go, all is right in the world. It's almost like.
No, yeah, you did that.

Speaker 2 You did that in fucking, when, when the undefeated Patriots lost to the Giants and you called me up and said, and we fucking rammed it up there.

Speaker 2 That's exactly. I was standing in Tom Papa's living room.
I remember it. I was like, God damn, man, insult to injury.
Well, that was 07, and I don't even know if we met each other yet. I was drunk.

Speaker 2 I was a different person. It was a different decade.

Speaker 1 I was

Speaker 2 I was a kid.

Speaker 2 Hey, how could these Mets fans do what I do? That's ridiculous. No, you've been good about it.

Speaker 2 I will tell you what was fucking bugging the shit out of me was in game three when you guys were down 03 and somebody in the broadcast booth goes, the Yankees are now trying to do what has never been done.

Speaker 2 And I was like, what do you mean, never been done?

Speaker 2 We did it to them. And I'm like, wait, is he going to get by on a technicality that has never been done in the World Series? Yeah, I thought that was weird, too.

Speaker 2 So you're not even going to give us the tip of the cap? Because in 140 years of baseball, it's only been done once and it was done to the Yankees. So obviously you would bring that up.

Speaker 2 Dude, I got to tell you, like, if it was the other way around, we never would have heard the end of it. And fucking Dan Shaughnessy would have wrote a book.

Speaker 2 Dan Shaughnessy is such a douche to the local sports teams. He literally should be writing for the New York Post.
I glanced at the New York Post this morning because I'm just fascinated with

Speaker 2 how mean they are, right? And the shit that they were fucking saying, like this team overachieved.

Speaker 2 Where they were in like July to end up in the world, no one in July thought they were going to the World Series. And then they do, and they took their lumps, which is great.
Because then what happens?

Speaker 2 Next year, you come back. You know what it feels like to be fucking three games away.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I agree with that. I think a team needs to feel this pain.
And the Yankees' weakness was sloppy ball and some dumb errors. And like ultimately, that all caught up with them in that fifth inning.

Speaker 2 And it sucked. But listen, keep the team together and see what they could do and fight back.
But,

Speaker 2 all right, Bill, let's get into these picks. We got week eight right now.
A lot of things are changing here. Let me look at these lines.
I believe you went first to last two weeks, right?

Speaker 2 So now it's my turn. Is that right? I don't know.
I don't know what happened. Paul, I didn't, I was, I was flying to Europe and flying back the last two Sundays.
I don't even know what's going on.

Speaker 2 I think, all right. So here we go, dude.
I was confused about this Jets-Texans line, which is tonight's game, because it's a minus one and a half.

Speaker 2 But then I found out Stephon Diggs is out for the year for the Texans, and their other fucking guy is out.

Speaker 2 Can we just get into the soap opera of the Jets here, Paul? What happens if they lose tonight to the Texans? Texans are terrible this year. Jets are two and Jets.

Speaker 2 If the Jets are two and six, dude, if they lose tonight, it's over. No, it's already over, but like,

Speaker 2 like, what happens?

Speaker 2 Oh, it was over three weeks ago. It was over when he, when, when the guy went for the hug and then it didn't happen.
Yeah, you're right.

Speaker 1 It was fucking over.

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 2 are the New York Jets going to lose to a wide receiverless Texans team tonight is the question.

Speaker 2 I mean, they lost to the Patriots last week.

Speaker 2 Patriots looked good last week.

Speaker 2 Patriots played the Jets last week.

Speaker 2 That's a funny thing to do in this book. Wait, who did they play?

Speaker 2 Okay.

Speaker 2 Yeah, you're standing next to a fat chick.

Speaker 1 You're going to look all right.

Speaker 2 That was Rodney Dangerfield. Hey, Lou, be honest.
Did you see the new spot? He goes, did I look? Did I look at it? He goes, you can lose a couple. He goes, I got to get bigger actors.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 People love when I stand next to them, Paul.

Speaker 2 I elevate their looks, especially with overhead lighting.

Speaker 2 Some point, Paul, I'm going to get a softer light on me. Look at the shine of my forehead.
Look at this. Dude, you look great.

Speaker 1 Thanks, Paul.

Speaker 2 I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it.
I'm going to flip my, I almost said flip my vote. I'm going to flip.

Speaker 2 I'm going to flip my pick, and I'm going to take the New York Jets tonight.

Speaker 1 Look,

Speaker 2 Aaron Rodgers, Devontae Adams.

Speaker 2 They need a win. They need a win.
They have Garrett Wilson at wide receiver, and the defense is good. And the Texans do not have not only a number one receiver, they don't have a number two receiver.

Speaker 2 If the Jets were ever going to win a game at home, it's tonight on Halloween. I think the freaks come out at night.
The costumes are going to be out.

Speaker 1 Something spooky is going to happen.

Speaker 2 I'm going to flip my bet because I was going to take the Texans, but then Jake the Snake came in and gave me the injury report. I'm going to take the New York Jets to win the game tonight.

Speaker 2 Hey, Bill, I always say, it's like a pick'em. It's like a pick'em.
It's like a pick'em. This is just a pick'em.
I got the Jets. Hey, shout out to Jet fans that are still showing up.
Yes. So

Speaker 2 it's literally like, I don't know what sort of dysfunctional family they grew up in, but I feel like if

Speaker 2 your parents were two people that should have broke up, but never did, like,

Speaker 2 you're tailor-made to be a Jets fan because it is not, it's a toxic relationship.

Speaker 2 And dude, the level of gear that they buy,

Speaker 2 the level of like swag that Jet fans wear, you would think that they had like four or five Super Bowls.

Speaker 2 Dude, how funny is it that there's going to be a guy dressed as Darth Vader tonight, freezing in the parking lot, drinking a beer?

Speaker 2 How funny is it that people still dress like Darth Vader? Like,

Speaker 2 I said, are you mocking Halloween costumes?

Speaker 2 All right, Paul, I'm going to go with the Ravens. Lay in nine at home because the Broncos had their big fucking week last week where they just destroyed the Panthers and I like the Ravens at home.

Speaker 2 I just think they got a great defense and I don't know shit about the Broncos, but they can go fuck themselves this week. I'm taking the Ravens minus nine, Lamar Jackson.

Speaker 2 And the Ravens are coming off that brutal loss to the Browns. I like it.
That's a great pick. Yes.
It wasn't a fun time in that facility. My wife texted me.
Is the car at the house?

Speaker 2 No, I fucking dropped it off. I threw it in the ocean.

Speaker 2 Of course course, it's in the house. It's in the fucking.

Speaker 2 I went home with your car.

Speaker 2 I'm not answering that text. At some point, these people have to grow up.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 I'm kidding.

Speaker 2 For my second. Some fucking asshole is going to clip that and send it to my wife.
All right. Here we go here.
Dude, I don't know, man.

Speaker 2 Packers Lions is.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait a minute. I know what she's saying.

Speaker 1 I was wrong. Hold on one second.

Speaker 2 That's hilarious.

Speaker 2 Come

Speaker 2 Come on.

Speaker 2 How do I get out of this? Done.

Speaker 2 All right. You, you picked it.

Speaker 2 All right, dude.

Speaker 2 Is Jameis Winston gonna do it two weeks in a row? Yeah, Jake, that's that's what we need. We need Jake real quick.
Jake, what are we? Uh,

Speaker 2 what do we need to know, Jake? Jake the snake, everybody, wearing his L.A.

Speaker 2 laying in the grass.

Speaker 1 There he is.

Speaker 2 Yeah, for, let's see, it's mostly quarterbacks, but it sounds like they're all going to play.

Speaker 2 But the quarterbacks kind of monitor are Goff, Jordan Love, who got injured in the game last week, and Lamar

Speaker 2 and Jaden Daniels. They're all like limited in practice, but they're all supposed to play.

Speaker 2 But they all have like kind of minor injuries. And then, yeah, we talked about Diggs.
He's out for the year.

Speaker 2 But other than that, you know, it's not too bad with the injury reports this week.

Speaker 2 Wait, Jaden Daniels is playing or is not playing?

Speaker 2 He's playing, but they said he's limited in practice, you know, so it's kind of just like keep an eye on him but i think he played last week so and what's going on the bengals bangles no injuries uh t higgins could be injured again because he missed last week and hasn't practiced yet and then the cowboys are still a mess on defense with no micah and diggs and all those guys

Speaker 2 are you listening to this kid i mean he just

Speaker 2 he's like a mob lawyer you're like leaning in what do i think he's just giving you all the info no no i i i know man this is a tough week i i don't love these games. I'll be honest with you.

Speaker 2 Oh, we didn't even get Paul went three and one again.

Speaker 2 All you guys that watch this show, lay off Paul in September, bury his bets in October, and you're going to win every year. The man is Mr.
October. He just won on a Hill Mary last week, right?

Speaker 2 You had the commander.

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, yeah, I did. Oh, man.

Speaker 1 How great?

Speaker 2 How great was talk about a fan base that needed that?

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 I missed Tom Jackson, though, on that play.

Speaker 1 Cincinnati,

Speaker 2 I'm going to take the Cincinnati Bengals laying a touchdown against the Raiders at home.

Speaker 2 I think this is where Joe Burrow and them fucking hit the gas and go on a little bit of a three-four game run here. I think they click.
I'm going to take Cincinnati Bengal at home against the Raiders.

Speaker 1 I love all the Raiders.

Speaker 2 Minus seven, minus seven. Paul Versey.
You got to love Joe Burrow. The man smokes cigars, right? A lot of points, but

Speaker 2 a lot of points.

Speaker 2 I'm going to take the Saints.

Speaker 2 Lay in seven and a half, going in with the Panthers.

Speaker 2 I'm just mad that

Speaker 2 the Broncos destroyed the Panthers last week and the Panthers didn't show up for me. So I'm betting against the Broncos and against the Panthers.

Speaker 2 I'm being petty this week. All petty Bill.

Speaker 2 Box of Tampa Tampa's out here. I'm going Saints minus seven and a half.
I just feel like they're always scoring a bunch of points. Paul, I'm in the DMZ two weeks in a row.
The NFC South.

Speaker 2 What am I thinking? What am I thinking?

Speaker 1 Get out of there. Get out of there.

Speaker 1 It's like the

Speaker 1 different league, man.

Speaker 2 I mean, who knows?

Speaker 2 Look at that line for the Chiefs and Buccaneers. I know.
The Buccaneers are getting nine points. They score like 40 points a week all of a sudden.
I know, dude. This is,

Speaker 2 and dude, Browns, Chargers is tough. Uh, but the Chiefs are allowed to hold,

Speaker 2 dude. Patriots, Titans is tough, dude.
This week is wild. Um, I like that pick, though.
I like the Saints because Jake the Snake just said Derek Carr is back, so that's good.

Speaker 2 The Saints are gonna come marching in, Paul, right into Charlotte. Oh, when the Saints go,

Speaker 2 they're gonna burn the place down. All right, um,

Speaker 2 dude, this is

Speaker 2 random. I mean, I fucking hate this week.
Let's do this.

Speaker 2 The Cowboys, this will be the kill shot for the Cowboys. I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons, lay in three.
I'm going too many favorites here. This might not work, but lay in three

Speaker 2 against, you know, who's out for the Cowboys? Parsons?

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, we don't officially know, but he's not practicing again, and he's been out for a while. He's probably been out for close to a month at this point.

Speaker 2 Should I flip my bet? I'm going to flip it.

Speaker 2 Cowboys have been terrible, man. I'm going to keep it.

Speaker 1 No, I don't. You know what?

Speaker 2 Jake, the snakes.

Speaker 2 Jake was just the swing state on that one, man.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 Polly, trust your instincts. It's still October.
That's right. You turn into a pumpkin.

Speaker 2 You start as a pumpkin and then you turn into a prince. I have not had one losing week in October.
This is the last day, so I want to hold it.

Speaker 1 I got to hold the line.

Speaker 2 You're hanging on too tight, Paul. You got to go with your gut.
You got to sling it out there.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go with the Falcons, man. Minus three at home.
That was my original pick. And I just think that the Cowboys are bad.

Speaker 2 All right. I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing.
I've been betting against the Patriots all year. It's how I can watch them.

Speaker 2 I either win the bet or they win the game.

Speaker 2 They're on the road against the Titans. They're coming off a big win over a

Speaker 2 tough New York Jets team.

Speaker 2 They're getting three.

Speaker 2 I don't like the half a point. I will tell you, I don't like the half a point.
I'm sorry. They're going to

Speaker 2 Nashville. The Titans.

Speaker 3 I don't know.

Speaker 2 Who the hell do they got? Who do they got? Alan Trammell? Who the hell is their quarterback? I don't even know. I think it's uh

Speaker 2 alan trammell played for the tigers 40 years ago um

Speaker 2 yeah i don't give a fuck i'm gonna watch that game and what patriots will probably win but i'm i'm gonna take the titans

Speaker 2 all right for my fourth and final pick i'm gonna take a dog and i am going to take

Speaker 2 i'm gonna take the giants I'm gonna take the Giants. If Jaden Daniels is limited at practice, we're getting four points.
We're at home. It really is.

Speaker 2 I mean, the season's already not looking great, but I feel like if the Giants were ever going to get me a win, it's going to be them getting four points against Washington at home with our defense.

Speaker 2 And we've been in every game. We really have been in every game, including the game against Pittsburgh last week in Pittsburgh on Monday night.
I'll take my Giants getting four against the Commanders.

Speaker 2 Hopefully, the quarterback is banged up enough.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 And I'm going to take the Packers at home, plus three and a half against the Lions. I just, I love Jordan Love.
I love Lamp. I, uh,

Speaker 2 those games are always close. I think getting three and a half, Lions might, you know, win by two or something like that.
I like that line. I like the Packers at home.
Um,

Speaker 2 I think I'd like Seattle, too. I don't know why the fuck I did that stupid bet with the Saints, but it's all right.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 2 I'm gonna do that. I'm gonna take the Packers on.
This will be a fun week, dude. These are good games.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Packers, Lions is a great game. I love the lot.
I love the Packers getting three and a half too, the half point. Oh, you got a blue division, dude.
That's just a fun division.

Speaker 2 I like all of those teams. The Bears, the Lions, the Lycan, the Parkers.

Speaker 2 All right, Bill, now we have the Monday night special.

Speaker 2 Oh, we just missed it last week, Paul. By half a yard.
Half a yard. Lamar Jackson acting like we haven't had his back his whole career.
He couldn't fly.

Speaker 1 That was two weeks ago. That was week seven.

Speaker 2 That was week seven. But then last week,

Speaker 2 you guys were saying, like, oh, hit it. But then somebody messaged us like, no, it was 51 and a half.
Under he had 52. This past week, I don't know, Bill,

Speaker 2 we couldn't bring it up till now.

Speaker 2 Andrew, I thought for half a second you were decked out in Jets gear.

Speaker 1 It's got the selfish stuff going on.

Speaker 1 Yeah, needed a little torture in my life.

Speaker 2 So this week, we got the Buccaneers and Chiefs on Monday night football, and the Chiefs are laying nine.

Speaker 4 i mean that's

Speaker 2 baker mayfield is the winner dude i'm not saying they're gonna win this game but nine points

Speaker 2 i just look at me paul i'm sitting back let's let's watch the ai camera adjust to this let's see if it does let's see if it does i'm sliding down um

Speaker 2 i hate that thing that there's some fucking robot in there Look at that. It's fucking what? It's just a sense.
Sensory. Oh, thanks, Paul.

Speaker 1 Thanks for explaining that your computer background i well i don't want you to be scared that there's a robot living in your house

Speaker 2 dude everything do you want to hear something

Speaker 2 i got a motorcycle recently right so the company wanted to like track me or whatever and do all of this and i'm like no i don't want to do that because they were going to hook me up with it for a few months if i gave them content and i was just like no i don't want you tracking me and that they refused to not do that so i just said fuck it i'll just buy it on my own so i buy it on my own and then they send me a vest that has like an airbag in it I'm like well that's really nice of them and then I look on the back like how to activate it like step one download the app

Speaker 2 these people they're all just sending you microchips it's like will you leave me alone I'm not spying on my own country

Speaker 2 like why are you treating me like a potential terrorist I'm a fucking idiot who just wants to go for a ride leave me alone that's great that's great um

Speaker 2 i think what are we doing here um i think we take the points i like i absolutely think we're going to i think the chiefs have been covering all year i think they're due not to cover baker mayfield is just uh i mean that guy scores points

Speaker 2 i mean that's all i know i don't i don't know i don't know anything else i like jake what are we doing with mike evans mike evans and chris godwin are both out or no both out yeah both will be out i hate betting against the chiefs i know a lot of points they already annoy me and then what when he when he does this

Speaker 2 where's the camera where's the camera where's the camera there when he does that to huddle up and then they zoom in on it yeah

Speaker 2 after his guys are like dude does anybody get held more than bosa on the 49ers oh god i mean that guy literally get it's like monday night like wwe monday night rock like the level that that guy gets held

Speaker 2 Like every play, he's standing there like this and some guy's like inside his jersey.

Speaker 2 I was just going to say, the only thing they don't do is put a dildo in his ass, and then I realized that was just such an aggressive no way. I don't know where that came from, Paul.

Speaker 2 Like, there's no reason to even say that. Hey, Halloween, Paul, you know, you're tapping into another side, the only thing they don't do is open his mouth and stick their balls in.
It's like, what?

Speaker 2 Um,

Speaker 1 dude, that's a hilarious sketch.

Speaker 2 The closeted married gay guy, and you're just talking sports, and he just keeps throwing in gay shit.

Speaker 2 Oh my god, they destroyed him last night. They won by like 25.
I know know it's crazy. Dude, they stuck their dick in there.

Speaker 1 Like, what?

Speaker 2 Buddy, we got appetizers coming. What are you thinking of doing here?

Speaker 2 What's he going to do next? Spread his legs and suck his dick. Like, what?

Speaker 1 Flobber all over his cock?

Speaker 2 Everybody just looks down at the food. When is he going to come out?

Speaker 2 You know what, Paul? You've always been a little too into fashion. If you ever came out, I would be surprised.
But then when I go, he does have a lot of sneakers that match his hats.

Speaker 2 He wasn't afraid to get a manicure. I mean, right there.
I mean, you're right there.

Speaker 1 All right. So let's go, Baker Mayfield.

Speaker 2 I got a pedicure, not a manicure.

Speaker 2 Dude, that's hilarious, dude.

Speaker 2 They got DeAndre Hopkins, too, dude. Oh, yeah.
Oh, Baker Mayfields is just going to nut on their faces.

Speaker 3 I'm sorry. Let me let me rephrase that.

Speaker 2 I didn't mean that the way.

Speaker 1 What? Who said that?

Speaker 1 Baker Mayfield.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you who's going to take it in the ass this week.

Speaker 1 It's the Raiders.

Speaker 2 If they ever had that character in the movie, you got to have like the dude.

Speaker 1 Like a scary movie.

Speaker 2 Oh, they did. I think Scary Movie.

Speaker 2 Dude, I remember a long time ago sean waynes in scary movie he was a football player oh they did dude all right on the fucking shoulder pants yeah he has her put on the pants he goes now put on my helmet put on my jersey put on the helmet he's got her he's got her dressed up like come on dude that is so funny dude i had i i i how do i tell this story i knew this person early in my career

Speaker 2 and it was just like

Speaker 2 it the dude was just fully out of the closet but was like married with kids and he would just show up just like oh god my wife last night

Speaker 2 And you're just sitting there like, how does she not know?

Speaker 2 How does she not know?

Speaker 2 She knows. Honey, I'm going to go shopping.
You want to watch the game?

Speaker 1 No, I'll go with you.

Speaker 2 Did he make a lot of money? Was he killing it?

Speaker 2 Listen, I'm not giving any more details than that.

Speaker 2 I just remember my neck hurt from like fucking looking away and looking down. It was just, it was just, everything was talking was cool until he brought up his family.

Speaker 2 I just remember one time, like, he invited, you know, me and my manager over to the cookout. And I was just like, dude, I can't, I can't see that lie up close.

Speaker 2 I just made up an

Speaker 2 I can't be living in this guy's lie. I can't be a character in this fucking lie.

Speaker 2 Yeah, it's just like, you know, and then the whole thing was just sad. It's like, you know, just go be who you are, man.

Speaker 2 All right, we're going to take the Buccaneers, get in nine.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you who's gonna get shit on their chest:

Speaker 2 it's the fucking Vikings.

Speaker 2 That's the sketch. You find out what somebody's fetish is by the way they talk about their teams.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you who's gonna be sucking on their toes.

Speaker 2 Ah,

Speaker 2 Yo, oh shit. All right, dude.

Speaker 2 Oh my god. Do you see that plate? Oh, he stuck his paint right in his fucking beard.

Speaker 2 All right, let's get off this here. Broncos.

Speaker 2 It's so childish, and it's just a never-ending bit. And I, I, I, this asshole's gonna be bleeding after that hit.

Speaker 1 Ah, all right,

Speaker 1 Jesus, you went hardcore. I didn't want to close it.
All right, that closed it. All right.

Speaker 1 Oh, fuck. All right.

Speaker 2 Let's take the points.

Speaker 2 I don't know anybody. I don't know anybody on the Buccaneers.

Speaker 2 You know, man. Who do they got?

Speaker 2 Who do they got? Is Ricky Bell still running for them?

Speaker 1 Sapps still over there?

Speaker 2 Warren Sapps.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 2 Who they had another great running back one day. They ran him like 50 times a game.

Speaker 1 Warren Dunn.

Speaker 2 Like Eric Blonde. No, no, it was before him.
This is like the 80s, when the 90s, when they had the giant

Speaker 2 shoulder pads, they had Ricky Bell,

Speaker 2 Doug Williams, the Selman,

Speaker 2 Dewey and Leroy Selman,

Speaker 2 J.K. McKay or something was their coach.
That was a fun, a fun thing. Come on, we got to wrap this up.
All right.

Speaker 1 So who do we got here?

Speaker 2 We got Baker Mayfield. No, we're going to take the Buccaneers getting nine.

Speaker 2 Travis Kelsey just got one of his only touchdowns of the year last week. Wonder if that keeps rolling into Monday night.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 2 how long can you shut that guy down for? Let's do that then. Let's do Kelsey to let's do, let's take the points.
Let's do Mahomes to throw one, Kelsey to catch one.

Speaker 2 Do you think Kelsey has an injury or something? Other than people blaming Taylor Swift, you know, I'm sure it's not that. It's got to be

Speaker 2 people always blame the relationship. Yoko Ono has just anybody in the public eye, the second you have a bad show, they just blame the wife

Speaker 2 Jessica Simpson and Romo.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that was a big one. I know.
And did the Cowboy fan base ever apologize to her?

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 2 They'd be like, oh, you know what? It was actually Tony. Yeah, Tony just wasn't good.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, I don't know. Tony Romo had like nine quarterback coaches in eight seasons.

Speaker 1 So, I mean,

Speaker 2 the Cowboys are like

Speaker 2 the Jets of the NFC.

Speaker 2 But they've won. I don't know.
I don't know. I don't want to get into this.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 2 Paul, I got nothing. I'm a housewife here.
I don't even know who plays for the Buccaneers, but

Speaker 2 I would say, oh, wait, is

Speaker 2 what the hell's his name? Dr. Fernie Pacheco, is he coming back for running back? Nope.

Speaker 1 No.

Speaker 1 He's not back.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he covers like a while ago.

Speaker 2 Let's do the nine points. Let's do Mahomes to throw one.
And you want to do Baker to throw one? Both quarterbacks to throw one and we take the points? So no Kelsey? No Kelsey. Yeah, no Kelsey.

Speaker 2 Let's fucking get a win here for everybody. Let's go.

Speaker 2 Each quarterback throws one and we take the nine points. Okay, there's no numbers right now for Mayfield,

Speaker 1 Baker, but that'll be, I'm sure that'll be up later. Okay.

Speaker 2 Well,

Speaker 2 that's a very conservative bet.

Speaker 2 I like it. Yeah, you know what? Let's get back on the winning track.

Speaker 2 There you go, guys. Those are our picks for the Anything Better going into week number nine.

Speaker 2 Thank you guys so much. Oh, I want to thank everybody who listens to the Anything Better podcast, who watched my special Reasonable Man, which is getting rave reviews and the first write-up about it.

Speaker 2 We just had a write-up about it saying, I am at my very best. So all I ask is you watch it, you share it, show people it, right? And I hope you enjoy it as much as everybody else has.

Speaker 2 Reasonable Man streaming right now on my YouTube

Speaker 2 I'm hearing a great buzz from other comedians about it. Well, I appreciate that.
Well, thank you. I'll tell you what, I really did, I really fucked him in the ass with this one.

Speaker 1 No, I'm kidding. Uh,

Speaker 1 I gave him a wallop with it.

Speaker 2 No, um, from my dates, paulvarsee.com, Bill, um, what's going on with you?

Speaker 2 What's going on with me? I have comics come home, and I'm hosting SNL next week.

Speaker 1 Oh,

Speaker 2 yeah, uh, that's awesome. Congratulations.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Have a good time

Speaker 2 trick-or-treating with your kids tonight.

Speaker 1 Don't take us for granted.

Speaker 2 You know, then I'm in the pressure cooker for a week.

Speaker 3 It'll be fun, though.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It'll be fun.
It'll be fun to finally do the show with the crowd. The first time I did it was the pandemic.
I had to come out wearing a mask. It was hilarious.
It was like nobody there.

Speaker 2 But I did have to walk by the band, I guess. I don't know.
First weekend after the election, too.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know. So I'm kind of like trying to put together the monologue.
I'm like swinging in the dark here because I don't know who's going to win.

Speaker 2 Well, you just have both. You'll be fine, dude.
You're going to crush it.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 It'll be. No, I'm, I'm, you know, you know what it is.
It's like the gig you want and then you get it. And then it's just like, fuck, I got to do this.

Speaker 2 So, um, but I had a great time the last time I did it. And,

Speaker 2 you know, I'm just going to have fun, just be silly. And

Speaker 2 the keys, you just don't put pressure on yourself to,

Speaker 2 you know, I have to, you know, blah, blah, blah. I don't.
I don't. I just need to go there and have a good time.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 2 that's what I got going on. And then later on this month, I have this tour that starts in Ojai, and then we go up the 99, starting in Bakersfield, ending in,

Speaker 2 we got Fresno. We got all these places.
We ended Stockton, which I've never been to.

Speaker 2 One of my favorite films, Fat City was shot there. And then the Diaz Brothers from the UFC, I believe, are from there.

Speaker 2 So I always wanted to, I just, there was just something that's interesting to me about that, that city. You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 I drove through there. It's really cool.
You'd like it.

Speaker 2 It's like the typo old town. You know, it's got some old streets.

Speaker 2 Yeah. I'm kind of

Speaker 2 really excited about.

Speaker 2 doing that. And then also I like doing a tour around the holidays where I'm still in my home state.

Speaker 2 It's a good time.

Speaker 1 You'll love it.

Speaker 3 It's great.

Speaker 2 All right. That's awesome, guys.
Yeah, check out my dates. Oh, this weekend.
I'll be down in Jersey. Check out Paul Verthey.com.
We got Providence, Rhode Island coming up at the end of November.

Speaker 2 Enjoy your football week. Bet responsibly, guys.
All you got to do to get these

Speaker 2 to bet with us, go to the BetMGM, download the BetMGM app to your device, use our code BUR-B-U-R-R,

Speaker 2 and put as little as $10 in a deposit, and you'll get $1,500 in bonus bets. If your bet loses,

Speaker 2 you will get you'll get the bet back, right? You'll get your money back on the first one, Andrew. Is that right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you get your money back if it hits the second, if you don't win. Yep.
And you got the first touchdown.

Speaker 2 Whoever you pick to get the first touchdown of any NFL game, if they don't, but they do it second, you'll get your cash back there too. So enjoy, bet responsibly, have a great week.
Go.

Speaker 2 go Jets and Giants.

Speaker 1 I don't know what to say.

Speaker 2 Go next, Paul. Your Knicks are playing good.

Speaker 2 Knicks are playing good, man. All right, everybody, that's it.
We'll talk to you guys next week.