Thursday Afternoon Monday Morning Podcast 10-24-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. And I'm just checking in on you.

Speaker 1 Oh, what's going on?

Speaker 1 I apologize for that Monday morning podcast. I don't even remember what I said.

Speaker 1 I was fucking out of it.

Speaker 1 I am still here in Paris and tonight is my last show at the Apollo. I want to thank everyone that came out the last two nights and that's going to come out tonight.

Speaker 1 I had such a great time.

Speaker 1 Crowds were amazing and

Speaker 1 I was speaking a little bit of French or whatever. Came up with the bit that I do speaking French, which is great.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it was crazy. It was like a dream that I've been trying to, I've been, I was like, someday I'm going to go to Paris.
I'm going to be able to do my shit in French.

Speaker 1 Obviously, 99% of it was in English, but I was starting to fuck around with it.

Speaker 1 And I got a lot of compliments afterwards that I was speaking like, somebody said, it didn't sound like you just memorized shit. It sounded like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 that you were just, it was just coming out naturally or whatever. So that made me feel really good because that's what I'm going for.

Speaker 1 I don't want to just be, I just want to memorize my act in another language.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so I got the last last show tonight and then I am back

Speaker 1 to the United States, but I've had such a good fucking time here. And I got to tell you, man, the people out here on the Vespas,

Speaker 1 because I learned, you know, I was making fun of scooters, but scooters are scooters out here, like the ones that you sort of like

Speaker 1 you stand up on by yourself. You know, those ones that the kids just fucking discard like litter.

Speaker 1 I don't know why they just can't put them in like a nice, neat place. They got to get,

Speaker 1 they're always like thrown down on the ground.

Speaker 1 It always looks like there was some fucking, you know, they were all having a good time and then somebody with a chainsaw showed up and they all just in a panic leaped off of them.

Speaker 1 There's always like a fucking pile of them and they're filthy. Fucking filthy.
Like I feel like those things are the new payphones. Like someday people are going to be like, can you fucking believe?

Speaker 1 Like my generation is like, can you remember payphones?

Speaker 1 Can you believe? Like I remember when I first moved to New York, I was calling the leads, like Glenn Gary, Glenn Ross,

Speaker 1 going through roommate finders trying to find a room to rent so I could move to New York City. And I used a payphone in Times Square, right next to the Howard Johnson's.

Speaker 1 Obviously, that's the Howard Johnson Motor Lodge that's no longer there. And I had the thing up to my fucking ear in Times Square.
God knows

Speaker 1 how many people had used it. The other thing is like right near your mouth.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Disgusting.
But I think like those scooters are like the new thing that you just sort of

Speaker 1 walk up. I don't know.
Somebody just told me like recently, like, you know, at the gym, there's more bacteria on the fucking dumbbells than there is on a public toilet. They always say

Speaker 1 than a public toilet.

Speaker 1 And I don't believe that.

Speaker 1 I don't believe that there's more germs on a dumbbell than there is on a public toilet seat.

Speaker 1 And if by more germs, you just mean regular germs. I think the germs people are really concerned about is shit and piss germs.

Speaker 1 Because there is no way

Speaker 1 the public is shitting and pissing into the same fucking bowl, and that has less bacteria than what's on dumbbells. Unless people are wiping their ass with their fucking hand,

Speaker 1 there's always just some new thing to just fucking scare the shit out of you. I've been going to gyms forever and using those goddamn things.

Speaker 1 I've never gotten pink eye or anything like that, knock on wood, from going to the gym. So it's just like, I get it, everybody's using it.

Speaker 1 But I mean,

Speaker 1 is there more on like a fucking dumbbell than there is on any door handle walking into a fucking store at that point.

Speaker 1 I don't know. They're always doing shit like that.
And they're always doing shit like that. And somebody's always shitting on a great TV show.

Speaker 1 Nia was reading this review where this person was just ripping the penguin. You know, and I get it.
Okay. You want to say, all right, the mob thing's been done a thousand times.
All right.

Speaker 1 I'll go with that. But he didn't even give it up for Colin Farrell's performance.
He's like, oh, he's just doing like fucking Al Pacito, De Niro, and Gandalfini.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's just sort of doing an amalgam of the three fucking greatest actors of the last fucking 50 years.

Speaker 1 Is that just what he's doing? You know,

Speaker 1 he's fucking critics. It's like, what is it? Can you enjoy anything? Does anything make you, you know what they like? You know what they like? They like shit that nobody knows about.

Speaker 1 That's what they like. Oh, you're watching the Penguin? That sucks.
Have you seen The Fucking Sorcerer? No, I haven't seen that superhero. What's the sorcerer? Oh, it's only available in Croatia.

Speaker 1 Ah, that's why you like it.

Speaker 1 So now we have to listen to you sit here at the table talking about a fucking, you just fucking like it because it's over there.

Speaker 1 But I can tell you right now, the fucking Croatian cunt version of you is in Croatia right now shitting on the sorcerer saying that they like the penguin better.

Speaker 1 But then again, it's all streaming, right? So we're all kind of getting the same shows.

Speaker 1 See, I got some sleep. Look at my ADD's back.
I'm all over the fucking road here.

Speaker 1 La Rue.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway, I've been here for the last few days and

Speaker 1 just been having the

Speaker 1 best time.

Speaker 1 And other than when we locked ourselves out of our apartment, it's so funny, like the things that you know how to do in your country, and then you get here and you just completely fuck them up.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Because it's all just like a little different. Like, how the fuck do I turn on the faucet? How do I turn on the light? Where do you flush the toilet? How does this fucking door lie?

Speaker 1 It's a fucking door lock. What am I doing wrong here?

Speaker 1 It's always just

Speaker 1 enough of a little left or right turn to make you fuck it up.

Speaker 1 And then also like not knowing what shit is. I keep seeing these green crosses over here and I keep thinking it's a weed store.
It's a pharmacy.

Speaker 1 And I learned over here that the pharmacists are actual, like

Speaker 1 sort of low-level doctors, unlike in the United States when

Speaker 1 you go into a pharmacy and they wear the doctor coat, but they really just sort of weigh pills

Speaker 1 and put them in a jar.

Speaker 1 Like they're somewhere like, I think they're one level above a hygienist

Speaker 1 or maybe a dental assistant, which I I used to be, contrary to my Wikipedia page that for years suggested that I was a dental hygienist.

Speaker 1 And I never corrected it because I love that it said that.

Speaker 1 Because then people would be like, it says there, you were the hygienist. And I'd be like, yes, it does.
What was that like? I was never a hygienist.

Speaker 1 But it says it right here. Oh, you mean on that fucking site that anybody can just write anything?

Speaker 1 But it it says it on the internet.

Speaker 1 You know, it'd be incredible. What if human beings just had an inability to lie

Speaker 1 and then had the ability to say, you know what? I don't know the answer to that.

Speaker 1 What would the world be like? I bet there'd be a lot less websites on the internet.

Speaker 1 The internet would be like when we first got cable, not first got cable, when there was like 40 to 80 channels. I'd say when it got to 100 channels.

Speaker 1 Believe it or not, when it got up to 100 channels,

Speaker 1 people that were old when I was young were like flipping out, you know, and Bruce Springsteen sang a song, you know, about how there's 100 channels, but nothing's on.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 which I thought was, you know, sort of misdirected sadness. It's like, Bruce, aren't you really sad because of something that happened when you were a kid? Is it really the TV's fault?

Speaker 1 Were you happier when there was just three channels?

Speaker 1 I mean, if I look at your body of work, you've kind of been sad for quite a while. It never mattered how many channels there were.

Speaker 1 Oh, look at me, acting like the guy who reviewed the Penguin.

Speaker 1 You know what it is? Critics make you feel dumb. Like you go, I really like this.

Speaker 1 And then somebody in like a newspaper goes, This has got to be the dumbest shit for mouth-breathing fucking morons I've ever seen. They don't say all that, but that's what they're saying.

Speaker 1 And you're just reading it like,

Speaker 1 but but I liked it,

Speaker 1 but my brain saw it and said it was good.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I'm sticking by that show.

Speaker 1 I absolutely love it.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyway, I've been over here and

Speaker 1 I swear to God, if I was over here for three months, three months, I always say this, I just don't have the time. If I had three months, I could get it down.

Speaker 1 What is going on here? I could get it down.

Speaker 1 Please tell me, it recorded all of that. I hope it recorded all of that.
It just said low battery.

Speaker 1 And I'm only 10 minutes in. Did I only do 10 minutes? Well, you know, whatever.
You heard it or you didn't. If I just jumped from one subject to another, that's not my usual AD.

Speaker 1 It was letting me know that I had a low battery.

Speaker 1 Interrupting the recording, just to let you know.

Speaker 1 That's the phone version of when you're asleep on a plane and the stewardess comes over and wakes you up. That always happens on the international flight.
They like wake you up.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, sir. Would you like some breakfast?

Speaker 1 I was sleeping.

Speaker 1 I get it though, because they got a plan, like how many of these things they have to heat up or whatever. We were talking about that last night.

Speaker 1 Bianca Christova's over here who's been fucking murdering, and her act is at a whole other level. She's literally becoming the comic that I knew she was going to be the first time I saw her.

Speaker 1 Like, I swear to God, I could have been a fucking manager in this business.

Speaker 1 Like, I can see a comic really early on,

Speaker 1 and I'm batting about,

Speaker 1 say, 88% on that.

Speaker 1 That they're going to, like, you can just, if someone's going to be really good at this shit, you see it early on.

Speaker 1 But then there's all the variables. You know, are they going to work hard?

Speaker 1 Are they going to, you know, fucking

Speaker 1 get involved in the, you know, the drugs and all of that shit and fuck, you know, waste all of this time? God knows that can fucking happen.

Speaker 1 But if, you know, if they stay on the straight and narrow, which she did, all of a sudden you're like, there it is.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 I've listened to her whole act both nights. You know, and I've heard probably a million hours of stand-ups.
So, like, it's not something that I always do.

Speaker 1 And, but just what she's talking about is really funny and it's really interesting, and her perspective is really unique.

Speaker 1 And it even got an old fucking jaded comic like me to sit down and listen. So, anyway,

Speaker 1 the theater has been great.

Speaker 1 It's a little 300-seater,

Speaker 1 and they've had a bunch of comics there.

Speaker 1 Chris Rock, Dave Chappelle,

Speaker 1 Tom Segora.

Speaker 1 I forget who else, but

Speaker 1 a lot of American comics have come through. So it's been really

Speaker 1 cool to...

Speaker 1 or cool as they say over here, cool.

Speaker 1 Super, cool,

Speaker 1 fantastique.

Speaker 1 No, the French people. Nobody says that.
It's like,

Speaker 1 I get it.

Speaker 1 I get it. I did finally get to make fun of how they speak English, though, on stage.
And that was very satisfying. And of course, they fucking laughed.

Speaker 1 That's what I was saying. I was saying, you know,

Speaker 1 I've been speaking French all this week. And even when you guys switch to English, I keep speaking French because if I have to listen

Speaker 1 to you butchering my language, you're going to have to listen to me, right?

Speaker 1 And then I say, by the way, it's the

Speaker 1 pas Z.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 3 what else? What else?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah, I've been watching the Moto GP. I'm all caught up on that.
You know what sucks is I finally found a Moto G. GP magazine because there's the Formula One one and I can get that in the States

Speaker 1 because they've really been pushing the sport now that it's been on ESPN, and a lot of people are getting into it.

Speaker 1 I guess this season has been great because someone asked me, going, Are you watching it? I go, you know, it was like Lewis Hamilton won everything, and I got bored with that.

Speaker 1 And then Max Verstappen came in, he won like 20 races.

Speaker 1 Like, what am I doing?

Speaker 1 You know, I'm just waiting for him to show me fourth and fifth place. They go, nah, man, this year's been unbelievable.
And I'm like, fuck.

Speaker 1 All right. Maybe that's the thing.
If I walk away, it gets good.

Speaker 1 Maybe that's what it is. But

Speaker 1 I've been loving the Moto GP. Oh, but I didn't never even finish what I was trying to say is the people driving Vespas.

Speaker 1 Okay? Just so everybody knows the difference. Not like the scooters that the kids leave laying in the fucking grass.

Speaker 1 The Vespas, those ones, the motorized ones that can go like 60 miles an hour.

Speaker 1 The way people fucking drive them over here, I can't believe I haven't seen at least 10 people die already. They're absolutely fearless.

Speaker 1 You know, they talk about people splitting lanes back in the States, but over here, like, you know, they split lanes on the highway. But like here, it's like, it's sort of chaos.

Speaker 1 Like, there's not a lot of lines painted in the roads, I've noticed,

Speaker 1 where it's kind of saying, like, okay, this lane's yours. This is mine.

Speaker 1 There's sort of a...

Speaker 1 There's a lot of vague areas in the roads and a lot of like rotaries and shit. And these fucking guys come flying in with a load of something on the back of it,

Speaker 1 just zipping in and out of it, you know?

Speaker 1 I got to be honest with you, everyone was freaking out the way Tom Cruise rode that motorcycle through Paris, but it's just like, dude, they closed off the streets for you.

Speaker 1 I want to see you do it real time.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 Although I am making fun of a guy that duct taped himself to the side of an airplane.

Speaker 1 He has to go down in history as far as

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 the highest paid actor.

Speaker 1 Maybe Jackie Chan because Jackie Chan used to get like fucked up all the time. Remember that the outtakes? He broke his ankle on that jump.

Speaker 1 And then they just made like a fake sneaker that he zipped up over the cast and he just finished the whole movie on like a broken ankle.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I think Tom Cruise is America's Jackie Chan as far as like,

Speaker 1 like, dude, you don't have to do that, man. You're making all of this money.

Speaker 1 Was that one he did? He did like in Dubai or something.

Speaker 1 He was like, he jumped off like the building or something like that, like the highest building in the world.

Speaker 1 Like what is going through your head when you're in the trailer that day?

Speaker 1 You know, knowing full well you could get a stunt man to do it.

Speaker 1 Most times I'm just sitting in a trailer with my five lines in the movies going, going like, please don't let me get fired. Just I'm doing the lines over and over and over and over again.

Speaker 1 And he's in there having to learn lines and jump off a fucking building.

Speaker 1 Hey, can you run these lines with me before I want to make sure I have them down before they duct tape me to the outside of a cargo plane?

Speaker 1 It's amazing.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I don't have any reads this week, do I?

Speaker 1 I don't think I do.

Speaker 1 Let's check the email out. What does the email say? The email says no reads this week.
Well, there you go. All right.
Well, so I'm not up on anything that's going on in the States right now.

Speaker 1 I've watched a little bit of football.

Speaker 1 That's about it.

Speaker 1 But anyway, I am psyched to get this show.

Speaker 1 There's these gigs behind me just so I know that they all went well. And then also that means I can go home and see my kids because I miss them terribly.

Speaker 1 And right before I left, I was watching this Moto GP race.

Speaker 1 And my son loves motorcycles, what little boy doesn't. And he was like curled up next to me and he was putting his cheek against my cheek watching it.
And I was just like, I'm leaving this?

Speaker 1 Why would I do this? Like, you know? And it's just like, well, Bill, because you picked this job before you had kids.

Speaker 1 You're too far down the road to become a butcher or whatever the hell I would have done.

Speaker 1 So, anyway, I can't wait to get back to see the two of them and show them all the pictures and everything. But

Speaker 1 I'm here for such a short amount of time, I haven't even tried to get acclimated to the time. So, I have yet to go to a Boulangerie,

Speaker 1 Jo Vedréa,

Speaker 1 de

Speaker 1 Bano Chocolata, Vecca,

Speaker 1 de.

Speaker 1 What else the fuck do they have over there?

Speaker 1 I guess I want to get the croissant. Croissant beu,

Speaker 1 beh, bill, beu, bill, butter.

Speaker 1 I kind of miss doing that.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 anyway,

Speaker 1 sorry,

Speaker 1 I'm all over the goddamn road. Did the election happen yet? Have I missed anything? I I will tell you this.

Speaker 1 I did see a clip of Donald Trump in McDonald's, and I think that's the first time I've ever seen him truly happy.

Speaker 1 You know, most of the time when a politician, you know, rolls his sleeves up and does like a fucking regular job, you know, it's just for the photo op.

Speaker 1 But like, he was genuinely excited. Like, oh, is this how they make him? I eat it every day.

Speaker 1 This is like, you know, it's like getting, it was like, he looked like he was backstage at ACDC, like the way I would be like, oh my God, I can't believe I'm back here.

Speaker 1 So you guys just sit around, you have like tea before you go on, and

Speaker 1 then you,

Speaker 1 which song you open it with? He was just back there, like,

Speaker 1 I like when he put the extra fries in, going, whoever gets this one's going to be psyched.

Speaker 1 I think he found his calling. It's the first time I've ever seen like the light on in his eyes.

Speaker 3 He had like passion.

Speaker 1 I think that's where he's supposed to be. Like maybe if his dad understood him more,

Speaker 1 if his dad understood him more, like, maybe

Speaker 1 he could have just been on, hey, listen, dad, you wanted to fucking whatever the fuck his dad did,

Speaker 1 you know, whatever Joe Kennedy shit he did to get their fucking fortune.

Speaker 1 But he wanted to please him. All he wanted to do was work at McDonald's and just see how that magical food was made.

Speaker 1 Anyway, oh God.

Speaker 1 I'm just happy the fucking election is almost over and I am really not looking forward to whoever wins and just listening to everybody on the other side acting like the sky is falling now because their candidate didn't win,

Speaker 1 you know, and just ignoring that it doesn't fucking matter.

Speaker 1 It doesn't fucking matter overall. Like the ship is going in the direction that a very small group of people that are beyond the president, that don't pay taxes and all that shit, want it to go in.

Speaker 1 That's the direction it's going to continue to head in, like it always has. And that's the brilliance of having a president because they're out of there in 48 years.

Speaker 1 So you can just ride it out no matter what the fuck they're trying to do.

Speaker 1 And if they annoy the shit out of you, you can just fucking throw money at the other one and get that person out of there.

Speaker 1 That's my jaded belief.

Speaker 1 And when I say that, I'm speaking on behalf of all centrists.

Speaker 1 Still annoyed by that fucking person.

Speaker 1 On behalf of all people, on behalf, I've deputized myself because of things I read on Reddit

Speaker 1 to now discuss with you. So I am going to have a little bit of an afternoon before I get back on the plane ride home tomorrow at the moment.
And I got to try to figure out what I'm going to to go do.

Speaker 1 I did accidentally end up in a part of the city that was where like they had like all the drum guitar

Speaker 1 stores and all that. I went to the drum store man.
It was fucking amazing. Just because you know they had a lot of the same stuff but like it's just the different shit.

Speaker 1 Like they had a bunch of like electronic kits that were at the level of like V drums, which are the top ones, you know, that brands I have never heard of that are not in the States. And

Speaker 1 they were really fucking cool drums. And they had them all set up where you could sit down and play them.
Now, the one that actually looks like a real drum kit, that one you couldn't play.

Speaker 1 But I was kind of amazed at how far along that

Speaker 1 is gone.

Speaker 1 But I did comment to Nia, like we're walking around. I'm like, where are all the kids? You don't see, like, what are the young people like drinking and having a good time? Where are they?

Speaker 1 She finally goes, well, they probably can't afford to live here.

Speaker 1 And I'm like, good point.

Speaker 1 Need to go

Speaker 1 further outside this touristy area. And I was like, that's kind of like Manhattan.
Like when I moved to New York City in 1995, you saw young people all over the place.

Speaker 1 All over the place. And during the time that I lived there, it got so fucking expensive that all the young people ended up

Speaker 1 like out in Brooklyn. Like you go out in Brooklyn.
It's like, oh, here they are. Here's people in their 20s.

Speaker 1 Where did they go?

Speaker 1 All right. So,

Speaker 1 I feel like I'm filibustering here, people. I've been basically just trying to sleep the last couple of days so I wouldn't have any bad shows or anything like that.
I haven't watched any hockey games.

Speaker 1 I know my Bruins beat the Canadians about a week ago. Obviously, I'm happy about that.
But I've watched no hockey. I don't know if basketball's starting up.

Speaker 1 I'm not paying attention to the LeBron James, Bronnie James thing.

Speaker 1 People are just rooting against his son so fucking hard. Like,

Speaker 1 I just look at that like now as a dad, going like, what'd that be like if the whole public just hated my kid because their dreams didn't come true?

Speaker 1 And we're rooting for my kid to fail. Why don't you go the other way?

Speaker 1 You know, it'd be great if he was better than LeBron and he started scoring more points than him.

Speaker 1 And then seeing if LeBron turned into like the great Santini kind of dad or if he was actually could be cool with it,

Speaker 1 you know?

Speaker 1 Like, what if his son doesn't pass him the ball in the crucial moment and takes the shot himself and then hits it?

Speaker 1 And then people start chanting Bronnie, James, Broad, instead of whatever they chant at LeBron.

Speaker 1 I don't know. They're Laker fans.
They're not the brightest people out there.

Speaker 1 MVP, MVP. A guy doesn't pass the fucking ball.

Speaker 3 Anyway, that's how the game of basketball is played in Los Angeles.

Speaker 1 Bill, do you really have to be that way? Oh, congratulations to the New York Yankees and the Los Angeles Dodgers. A classic World Series matchup.

Speaker 1 This is the shit that I grew up on, 77-78, the first two World Series that I ever watched the entirety of.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and this is who the fuck do you vote for? Who do you root for here? As a Red Sox fan, I mean, you can't root for the Yankees, but am I going to root for a team that also spent like $300 million

Speaker 1 and has a guy on it that

Speaker 1 looked like he was gambling on baseball? And he just goes, ah, yeah, hey, it was

Speaker 1 my interpreter. And everybody's like, nothing to see here.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 this is.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I'm just going to want, I'm just hoping it's going to go

Speaker 1 seven games. And I was on Instagram the other day, and I saw this really cool thing where

Speaker 1 they showed the 1981 New York Yankees starting lineup. They were out in the field and they were going around the field, and Reggie was still on the team playing right field.

Speaker 1 Nettles was still at third, and Willie Randolph was still at second. That was what was left

Speaker 1 of those great teams in 77 and 78.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 there was no Lou Pinnella. Pinnella.

Speaker 1 Thurman was obviously passed away.

Speaker 1 Chris Shamblers was gone.

Speaker 1 I wonder who their pitch is. I wonder if Ron Guidry was still there.
I can't remember. But one of my favorite players that the Red Sox only had for a season, I just loved how he played was Bob Watson.

Speaker 1 And he was on first base. And then they had Dave Winfield.

Speaker 1 who was basically a giant Ken Griffey Jr. I felt like just a

Speaker 1 everything was just smooth the way he he threw the ball, the way he hit, and all of that shit.

Speaker 1 And also,

Speaker 1 I saw this a day late.

Speaker 1 Rest in peace, Fernando Valenzuela.

Speaker 1 I was shocked to find out that he had passed away. I wasn't aware that he was doing games and he had to step away like a month ago.

Speaker 1 Speaking of 1981, that was one of the most fun years

Speaker 1 in baseball when I was growing up. Like, there was so many fun things, the Pirates in 79, but Fernando Valenzuela in the 1981

Speaker 1 Dodgers, like Tommy Lasorda, you know, how excited he was and how excited the fan base was and how Fernando's like eyes would roll up in the back of his head and then they could go to the side when he would go and throw the ball.

Speaker 1 He was like

Speaker 1 this overnight sensation superstar.

Speaker 1 And then he went in and he was part of that Dodger team that finally beat the Yankees after losing to him in 77 and 78

Speaker 1 and all the way back to Brooklyn. You know, I mean, I think they finally beat him once in the 50s.
55, maybe.

Speaker 1 But sorry for the creaky chair here.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just shocked to

Speaker 1 hear that he passed away. So condolences to all his friends and families and his fans and all that shit.

Speaker 1 And this is why I don't speak at funerals because I would still curse.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 it's just the worst. That guy wasn't that much older than me, man.
That scares the shit out of you after a while. The older you get, when you start seeing like people like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I know he was sick, so that's one thing. But when you just see people die of natural causes that you remember when they were young, and then you start going, wait a minute, how fucking old are they?

Speaker 1 How old are they when I was watching them? And how old am I now? I'm 30 years older than that guy was when I watched him as a kid. Where the fuck did all of this time go?

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 he will be a legend forever.

Speaker 1 And I feel like as long as human beings are on the earth, who knows how long that is when they bring up the great Dodgers of all time, he's up there with everyone, Jackie Robinson, Sandy Kolfax.

Speaker 1 Speaking of Sandy Kolfax,

Speaker 1 do you know one time I was in Caesar's Palace

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 Pete Rose, the late great Pete Rose, the hit king, was signing his merchandise and I went in there

Speaker 1 with another comic I was working with

Speaker 1 and we asked him, you know, who was the toughest pitcher you ever faced? And he sat back and he looked at us and he goes, who do you think? He was like, test. I love that he was testing us.

Speaker 1 You know, like, I'm not just going to give you the fucking answer. Let me see if do you actually watch baseball? So, I was trying to think, like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 his error. So I was like, Gibson, he's like, nope.
Don Drysdale, no.

Speaker 1 My buddy guessed a couple other people and like, no.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we go, who? And he goes, Sandy Koufax. And we both went, really? You know, because he had a brief career.
Dominant career, but brief career.

Speaker 1 So I just didn't think to say the name I felt bad when he was like Sandy why didn't I fucking say that right so he goes

Speaker 1 so when he said Sandy Kofax we went really and then he went like he imitated a ball

Speaker 1 coming in straight and then just dropping off the table 12 to 6 on both sides

Speaker 1 because Pete was a switch hitter So he was basically saying this guy had the ability

Speaker 1 to drop it off the table whether you, in an effective way

Speaker 1 away from the hitter because it was coming in diagonally and then dropping off

Speaker 1 to both sides of the plate and

Speaker 1 I don't know that's that's my my Pete Rose story other than I had him sign I think I told this

Speaker 1 at this point I must have told all my stories There was two pictures of him that I bought. Both of them, his helmet was off and he was diving into third base.
One was 75 and one was 76.

Speaker 1 And I said, all right, I go, can you write on the 75 one, Bill, I'm sorry? And he got this look in his eye. He looked at me and he goes, I'm not.

Speaker 1 Like, I'm not sorry. I go, listen, it's going to make sense.
And then on the 76 one, because he beat the Red Sox. Big Red Machine beat the Red Sox in 75.
And in 76, they beat the Yankees.

Speaker 1 So on the 76 one, I said, can you write, Bill, you're welcome. And then he got the joke and smiled and signed him.
And

Speaker 1 I have him somewhere in my office I never I never hung him up

Speaker 1 because

Speaker 1 you know I never had an office you know I just lived with my wife and you know your wife's not gonna have bill you're welcome bill sorry fucking baseball photos on the wall

Speaker 3 That's when you can tell, like,

Speaker 1 you can fucking tell, like, who runs a marriage. Because if men ran the really ran the home anyway like our houses would look like fucking sports bars There'd be sports memorabilia.

Speaker 1 There'd be a fucking beer tap

Speaker 1 You know those fucking taco holders and all of that bullshit. Whatever the hell you're into it would look like you know like the fucking man I love the man cave

Speaker 1 The man cave. We're gonna take the garage.

Speaker 1 Send the guy out to the garage. Can you imagine if the guy ran the house and they had like woman caves? They would be fucking bitch moaning.

Speaker 1 How How come we only get the garage and you get the fucking house?

Speaker 1 But it works because we don't give a fuck. It's like, take the house.

Speaker 1 I don't give a shit. I like the garage.

Speaker 1 It's just a guy thing. It's like a bunker.
It's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 That's something like I get like, I get excited when I see somebody's garage and it's clean and they can actually park a car in it. Like I, I, you know, and they, and then, and they,

Speaker 1 they went out and they got like some special surface on the floor of the garage. I actually get like excited.
I'm more excited, you know, kitchens and bathrooms, seller house, fuck that.

Speaker 1 If somebody has a

Speaker 1 garage

Speaker 1 that you can eat off the floor, and they have some vintage car in there, or an old motorcycle, or a bunch of tools, whatever the fuck they're into, and they're all in their perfect place, like, there's a level of just respect that I immediately have for the man that owns that garage you know what i mean

Speaker 1 i don't know whatever i'm babbling uh that's the podcast everybody

Speaker 1 uh merci boku

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 i think that's it that's it all right that's the podcast have a great weekend your cunts and i will i will talk to you on monday And

Speaker 1 what else? That's right. Andrew Themelis is going to play some music that he's picked out, and then we'll have a bonus episode of the Thursday afternoon just before Friday, Monday morning podcast.

Speaker 1 All right. Au refoil.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 24th,

Speaker 1 2016. Oh, we're getting down to it.
Oh, those little kids are going to be coming by for the candy, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, those cute little kids. Yep, cute until they're about seven, and then they start thinking they know shit, right? And then they fucking start showing up.
I swear to God.

Speaker 1 You know, if they're almost eye-level, you know, you ought to be able to just, get the fuck out of here. Go buy your own goddamn.
Get enough. Get a fucking paper root, you bum.
Right?

Speaker 1 The first hour, hour and a half of Halloween is great. The kids are so fucking cute.
The parents are all excited. It's really what it is.

Speaker 1 Like, the cutoff for fucking Halloween should be roughly about eight years old. And then everybody else should just go fuck off.

Speaker 1 Go put your fucking, you know, put your virtual reality glasses on and go shoot a bunch of people. Whatever it is these kids do nowadays, I don't pretend to understand.

Speaker 1 You know, I understand they can't go outside. You can't send them outside because, you know,

Speaker 1 there's a pervert behind every fucking tree, evidently. So don't have them outside.

Speaker 1 Have them inside, put on some virtual reality glasses, and let them just walk around in this world, you know, just shooting up people where they're nice and safe.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I was just reading this.
There was this psychology magazine that I picked up

Speaker 1 during this fucking unbelievable ride back I had from Nashville. And it was all about

Speaker 1 narcissism and that type of stuff and just how easily that word is thrown around now. How everybody, you know, who isn't a psychologist, myself included, somehow that word like hit the mainstream.

Speaker 1 I don't know when.

Speaker 1 It's been around my whole life. I think the article said sometime in the early 70s.
And then everybody, oh, this person's narcissist, narcissistic, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 And I guess it actually, true narcissists, it only affects a really small portion of

Speaker 1 the population. And they were just talking about there's different kinds of it.
Like everybody thinks it's the person taking a selfie. It isn't necessarily that person.

Speaker 1 Someone could be a total fucking narcissist, but like goes the other way.

Speaker 1 and is really like depressed and withdrawn and all that. And basically their pain and all of that that becomes their narcissism.
Just fucking sitting around talking about how miserable they are.

Speaker 1 I have no fucking idea. All I know is I read it and I was just going, yep, I do that.
Oh, I do that too.

Speaker 1 That's what I, whenever I read shit on fucking psychos, narcissists, fucking lunatics, whatever the hell it is.

Speaker 1 You know, it's like, it's, you know, it's like reading a fucking horoscope. I swear to God, you know,

Speaker 1 when you sit there and I've always maintained people who are into astrology, you always go you believe in that shit? I I believe in that shit.

Speaker 1 And if you got the fucking paper, just say, when were you born? Oh, I was born on May the 6th. Oh, you're a fucking, you're a Taurus, right?

Speaker 1 And then go read the fucking Gemini or the Sagittarius or the fucking Blue Bonnet Bowl, whatever the fuck sign they are. You just read that one instead, and you watch them.
Oh, I know it.

Speaker 1 I know exactly what that name didn't mean, but Baba Bunny. Yeah, that was for September.

Speaker 1 See, you know,

Speaker 1 it's people like, why can't you just let me believe what I want to believe?

Speaker 1 So, I'm actually recording this Sunday night. I was going to record it tomorrow morning, but my lovely, beautiful, gorgeous wife is upstairs.
And you know what she's doing?

Speaker 1 She's watching the reality fucking shows.

Speaker 1 And I sit there. I try to hang in there.
I fucking try to hang in there. I can't fucking do it.
It's like, it's so fucking depressing.

Speaker 1 I don't understand how she and Michael Rappaport can watch that fucking shit. It's just, it's fucking.

Speaker 1 she's watching one right now. All they do, they just sit around talking about stuff,

Speaker 1 bags and shoes. And this one wants titties because her sister's got bigger titties.
I wish I had tits like you. And then it's like, these are like,

Speaker 1 they don't do anything. And then they're always going on vacation to clear their head from doing nothing.
I guess.

Speaker 1 being on the show and having being in front of the cameras and stuff yeah i guess that would get fucking annoying after a while. But they don't fucking do anything.

Speaker 1 And then there's this guy with a beard and he comes walking in and he's always acting like he's fucking got all these businesses going. He's not fucking doing anything either.

Speaker 1 They do the show. That's what the fuck they do.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 so I'm hanging in there and I'm trying to watch. I'm trying to watch it.
And then they do that horrible.

Speaker 1 You watch them talk about the shit and then they cut to the people who you just saw talking about the shit. Then they talk about this.
They just talk about what they just did.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 the one of them wants to get a fucking boob job.

Speaker 1 And they probably just had her do it, you know, just so they could get a fucking episode out of it. All I know is in the end, when she goes to talk about it, this is what I tapped out.

Speaker 1 After listening to these fucking people sitting around talking about themselves.

Speaker 1 You know, and just walking around with these fucking

Speaker 1 $10,000 worth of clothes to walk into a fucking living room and sit down and talk about other clothes, right?

Speaker 1 They cut to the one who was going to get her titties done and she sits down and the first thing that comes out of her mouth, she just goes, for me?

Speaker 1 And I was just like,

Speaker 1 I got to get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 I got to get the fuck out of here. I can't.
Like,

Speaker 1 what do you mean, for me? We just listen to you talk about it. Like, they should just, why don't they just go down to a fucking soup kitchen? Go ladle out some shit for a while.

Speaker 1 I don't even, then they would just talk about how fucking we're so amazing to meet all these different people. And it's that they're just like really,

Speaker 1 really poor. And I just,

Speaker 1 it just, I just felt for me, it was just so great to connect with people. And they would be doing that in full-on fucking makeup with love bracelets going all the way up to their fucking

Speaker 1 goddamn neck.

Speaker 1 And I don't know, just after helping people like that, I just really feel like I need to clear my head and go to San Louis Abisco, whatever the, whatever the fuck those goddamn people go.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, I just, uh,

Speaker 1 I don't know why she watches it. Why does she watch it? She likes great movies.
She's a very smart person. I don't know.
I guess, you know, for me, I guess I watch fucking football.

Speaker 1 You know, that's just as fucking stupid. I watch people sitting there talking about it.

Speaker 1 I guess that's the female version of it. And I have to accept that's the fucking fact and that

Speaker 1 we are staying in this fucking house right now. And

Speaker 1 you know what's going on with this house? We thought this fucking creepy ass house was haunted, all right?

Speaker 1 We looked at it during the day. During the day, it looked great.
At night, it feels like there's somebody fucking watching you. And you're hearing all these weird sounds and everything.

Speaker 1 And, you know, I kind of figured out, we kind of figured out what it is.

Speaker 1 There's rodents in the walls.

Speaker 1 of this place like a lot of old houses if you have an old fucking house um you know there's inroads there Like, you know, if you lived in Buffalo and you bought an old house, would it really surprise you if there was some prohibition error tunnel underneath your fucking house?

Speaker 1 I mean, you know, the Capone fucking characters were there, you know, right across the river was Canada. They bring the fucking booze in.

Speaker 1 Well, out here, you got all these fucking old ass houses, mine included, which, by the way, I just went over there to see where the fuck they were

Speaker 1 and trying to rewire the thing so I won't blow up my house someday. And they told me they were done with the wiring.
And I was all excited.

Speaker 1 And I gloated that there was no more fucking cloth wiring in the goddamn house. And I went on and I, look at me, now I'm talking about my stuff.

Speaker 1 I go to turn the fucking light on.

Speaker 1 Turn the light on.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they go, what do you call it? The fucking lights that are on the wall. They're not on the ceiling, right?

Speaker 1 Whatever the fuck you call it. It's fucking sitting there, right? And I turn on the light and it just go, I see this spark just go

Speaker 1 right out the side and landed on the dog bed. And I just shut it off.
I was like, all right, I'm going to bring that up tomorrow.

Speaker 1 But no, I got in there and they got the floor and now they're starting to build the cabinets. So I'm seeing the fucking light at the end of the tunnel here.
So,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, the cloth wiring never did that. But once we get this done, then the fucking house is

Speaker 1 done. It's fucking done.
And I can just live there quietly and just, you know, stare at the fucking wall and know that there's no more squirrels in there.

Speaker 1 Like this fucking place, I don't know what the fuck are in the walls. Remember that story I told you a few weeks ago about I was over at a buddy's house and there was a mouse in the house?

Speaker 1 That was this house. And the reason why I said it was a friend of mine's house, because I didn't want to tell my wife that there was a fucking rodent.

Speaker 1 in the goddamn house because then she'd be freaking the fuck out and I'd have to deal with that shit. All right?

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 my father-in-law was over. It was three weeks later.
We had a couple of beers. It was a funny story.
I just finally just said, you know what? You know, my wife brought up that it was haunted.

Speaker 1 And I finally just said, no, honey, it's not haunted. There's fucking rodents.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 in the walls, I just heard one. Came walking by and I heard a bunch of shit fall down the plaster.
And I know that's what it is because when I was a kid, we had that problem in our house.

Speaker 1 And I remember we hit we had these squirrels were in the fucking walls. I don't know how they got in there, but they were fucking in there.
And

Speaker 1 so we somehow cornered one.

Speaker 1 It was behind the cabinets, and there was like a whole, like

Speaker 1 not behind the cat, like it was in the wall behind the cabinet. So all I remember was I had like this mop handle, and I'm fucking, you know, rattling it in the hole.

Speaker 1 Is my dad had this, you know, the fucking giant butcher knife

Speaker 1 trying to find this fucking thing and uh

Speaker 1 he's fucking jabbing the the knife in the hole and i got the fucking mop handle going trying to flush this thing out all of a sudden this fucking thing like a rocket runs out of the hole right up the fucking mop handle up my arm jumps on my shoulder and just leaps off and i do i was just like

Speaker 1 the fucking thing and it had nowhere to go and my dad cornered it and he finished the fucking thing off you know that's it was this is before peter you know

Speaker 1 now i guess we would have been you know accused of some sort of hate crime against uh squirrels i have no idea but my dad finished the fucking thing off

Speaker 1 and um

Speaker 1 you know we dealt with that there was bats in the fucking you know there was an old house the house was older than the house that

Speaker 1 Well, I guess it was made earlier. I don't think it was older.
It was like 70 years old. Mine's fucking 90.
Anyways, these old fucking houses, it's just, you got to have guests. all right

Speaker 1 i'm not a big ghost guy like i i always think it's rodents first and i don't these fucking things are all over the goddamn place so um

Speaker 1 i don't know i you know at least i can say that about my fucking piece of shit of a house you know at least i don't have i don't have squirrels on the walls you know i mean you turn the fucking light on i mean i'm not saying a spark won't come out and singe off half your fucking mustache at this point, but you know, you know, it's a, it's a process.

Speaker 1 That's what it is.

Speaker 1 All right. So anyways, as you guys might remember, I was taping a stand-up special on Friday at the Ryman, and

Speaker 1 I did it. It went great.

Speaker 1 Now I have the horrible thing where I have to go back and look at myself,

Speaker 1 which is not something I, I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's the weirdest thing. Like if I if I just taped a set and I'm just going to watch it, I can look at it.

Speaker 1 But if I know that this is going to go onto Netflix and that the general public, if they want to, can look at it, then then every fucking thing that I hate about myself is just like sticking out like a sore thumb so I'm going to have to try to plow my way through this as quickly as possible but the shows went great it was such an amazing night and

Speaker 1 I got to tell you you know if I don't sound excited it's kind of like a letdown a couple days later because now I have no fucking act

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 I had such a good time and it was so weird like coming up to that I was like oh my god I'm so sick of these fucking jokes

Speaker 1 I got to record these and move on because I'm past these jokes and then that night I was doing them I was having so much fun when the night was over I was like oh my god I don't get to do this bit anymore I don't get to do that bit anymore I guess I can for the next couple months before the thing comes out but

Speaker 1 another one in the can another one in the can Joe Bartner killed

Speaker 1 It's going to be cool. I think we're going to have a hopefully have a nice look to it.

Speaker 1 I don't know. I already looked at some pictures of it, and I, you know, I'm already just going, like, oh, why did I do this? Why did I do that? But I think it looks good.
I fucking hate this.

Speaker 1 This is the worst part of it. It's the worst part of it.

Speaker 1 I wish I could just take a fucking drug that would make me forget that I was watching myself, and I could just sit down and be like, okay, this is somebody else's special.

Speaker 1 Put this here, put that there, bing, bang, boom, and it's done. Then I could fucking walk away from it.
So,

Speaker 1 I don't know. It's the only thing I don't like about it.
But other than that, it went fucking great. So, listen to this shit.

Speaker 1 so i um oh and thank you for everybody who came out too uh

Speaker 1 it really was an incredible incredible night um

Speaker 1 yeah it was it was fucking awesome and now i'm just sitting in the basement of this fucking rat infested fucking house

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 i my year is done i got nothing to do i got comics come home is my last thing and then I'm just fucking in town because I've been out of town all year and we got to finish an editing efforts for family and

Speaker 1 you know I feel I feel like hey there's the lovely Nia

Speaker 1 what do you know

Speaker 1 so I'm gonna tell them the story here you want to jump on

Speaker 1 okay

Speaker 1 I'm I'm gonna tell them the story of that flight

Speaker 1 that I had You want me to, I'll hit pause here if you want to grab a mic. You don't have to pause.
Keep doing your thing. Okay, well, do people really want to listen to you unwrapping that shit?

Speaker 1 All right, I'll tell you a story. So, anyways,

Speaker 1 so Nia was supposed to come out and see me.

Speaker 1 Right?

Speaker 1 And then, for whatever reason, you weren't able to make it out.

Speaker 1 Right? Right. For whatever reason.
Whatever reason. Yeah, whatever reason.
The doctor said you're not allowed to fly

Speaker 1 in your current condition. That's right.
Yes.

Speaker 1 So I'm like, all right.

Speaker 1 I guess I'm out there by myself.

Speaker 1 And so

Speaker 1 I was going to hang out with her on Saturday, you know, go around doing all the dumb shit, you know. Barbecue.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we were going to get barbecue, and then we were going to go to that fucking restaurant that every fucking person goes to that was in that show, Nashville, that you loved. The Bluebird Cafe.

Speaker 1 All right, the Bluebird Cafe. We're going to do all of that shit.
And then at night, I was either going to go to the Penguins Predators game or I was going to go to the Vanderbilt football game.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you weren't allowed to go.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I said, fuck it. I'll come back Saturday.
Or as they say in Boston, say,

Speaker 1 right? That's right. So I had a.
Hang on, let me turn your fucking mic on it.

Speaker 1 You good? Yeah. Can you? Okay.
Yeah. Do you like how I'm able just to put the thing together? Like, I know how to do it now.
Yes, you do.

Speaker 1 What I didn't like is that you've been driving that wonderful car that I got you for a year.

Speaker 1 and you've never checked the oil or had anybody check it I thought you knew to do that to at least I mean I think I knew in and like as a general concept that that's a thing that needs to happen

Speaker 1 but

Speaker 1 yeah thank you but um

Speaker 1 as a concept this is the thing I didn't know shit about cars or engines really I just

Speaker 1 I knew that you had to do it but I just I just went on YouTube I went on YouTube how does an engine work I just started with that.

Speaker 1 And then I got all the way up to like, you know, I started watching Gas Monkey. I started watching Eric the Car Guy.
Eric the Car Guy is great.

Speaker 1 And you just learn, Eric the Car Guy, you'll even learn about electrical. I mean, that guy fucking knows everything.
And like you can,

Speaker 1 you know, get your head around what's going on underneath the hood. Right.
It all needs to stay lubricated and it needs to stay cool. Those are the two big things.
Cool and lubricated.

Speaker 1 Cool and lubricated.

Speaker 1 Okay, God. If it gets too hot,

Speaker 1 the block could crack, you know, or the fucking pistons and everything. You literally just seize up the engine.
Okay, so you haven't put a lot of miles on it. So here's the thing.

Speaker 1 So I go out there and I'm going to show her.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm going to show her how to check the oil.

Speaker 1 Right. So I go into the cockpit of this fucking thing and I'm trying, it's not even labeled where to do it.
I I finally find the piece of plastic because you don't want to tug too hard on any of it.

Speaker 1 Some of it's just parts that come apart, you know, and then there's like the fuses underneath there. So I finally find it.
I pop the hood and I clearly see where you put the oil in.

Speaker 1 And for the life of me, I cannot find any dipstick anywhere. And I'm like, where the fuck is it? Where the fuck is it? Where the fuck is it? And I finally googled, you know, you're making model.

Speaker 1 Where is the dipstick? And it's just, it's all on the dashboard now.

Speaker 1 Yeah. It's going to, if you're low on oil, it's going to tell you, which I guess is more convenient or whatever.

Speaker 1 But I don't know. Meka told me that my tire pressure was too low.
But I get nervous as far as like if that fucks up.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 the dipstick is great. You stick it in there.
Well, actually, you pull it out, you wipe it off first. That's what I was doing.

Speaker 1 Then you stick it in, you pull it out, and it'll show you if you need, you know, add. It'll say full.

Speaker 1 And then there's this little round thing where you're going too high and you have too much oil, little round little circle, as they say, a little shape of a circle. That was it.

Speaker 1 And it's just not fucking there. So anyways, let me tell you.
So leaving Nashville, so I go, all right,

Speaker 1 you know, she can't fly out, so I'll fly back Saturday and I'll hang out with her, right? Mm-hmm.

Speaker 1 So I go over to the airport. I get there nice and early.
I drop off the car, the rental car. I'm all zippity-doodah because I'm nice and early.

Speaker 1 I get all the way to the gate, long-ass fucking walk, and I realize that I didn't, you know, I didn't give the car keys to the people people there at budget. I'm like, ah, fuck.

Speaker 1 So I had to walk all the way back.

Speaker 1 I wasn't on the other side of security. I just walked all the way back.
And then I came. I was thinking in my head, see, this is why I leave plenty of time.
I'm not losing my temper.

Speaker 1 Everything's fucking fine. This is the new bill, right?

Speaker 1 I'm not going to be.

Speaker 1 The new bill. I'm not going to be a man.
I'm trying to find the humor in things. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 Like I had my checks for my gigs this week. I go down to the bank tonight because I don't want to deal with the cluster fuck of the bank during the day.

Speaker 1 With a bunch of people who don't understand how to handle their money, their money is fucked up and you're standing behind them in line and it takes for fucking ever.

Speaker 1 And they're always yelling through the bulletproof glass at the other person as if that person went out and bought too much shiny shit with their money. Basically speaking.
All right.

Speaker 1 I'm not talking about that Wells Fargo crap with those cunts. What they did.
And then they paid off those 5,000 people. Like, all right, get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 Here's a little confidentiality agreement. You guys all collectively, yet individually, came up with this fucking scam.
It wasn't me.

Speaker 1 Anyways, plowing ahead. So I go down to the bank and it takes, you know, I had like three checks.
It takes two out of three, and it won't take the last one. And I started to lose it.

Speaker 1 I distinctly remember slapping the ATM machine and hearing my wedding band ring when I did it. And I was just like, I went up to eight.
Eight for me.

Speaker 1 12 for any other normal person, but it was an eight for me. And I was like, Bill, just fucking relax.

Speaker 1 It's all fine and I thought about my flight and what the fuck happened and I was just like this is really pales in comparison so here's what happened my flight so I get on this fucking flight right

Speaker 1 sitting up there first fucking clash

Speaker 1 right first clash but I have the stressful first class seat it's the fucking front row so you got the bulkhead in front of you which means there's you I always just have a backpack I always shove it underneath the seat so I get on the plane fucking relaxed I don't have to worry about overhead space if somebody shoves 15 coats up there in a child's seat, you know?

Speaker 1 But I had the stress because, you know,

Speaker 1 I didn't have the fucking thing in front of me. So there was, once I got past that stress, I sat down.
It's all fucking good. And we're flying back.
And all I'm thinking is, ah, fuck, man.

Speaker 1 I'm getting back. It's fucking football Sunday tomorrow.
I'm going to watch the fucking

Speaker 1 Formula One race.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm going to watch the Patriots game. I'm going to maybe watch a little Buffalo, Miami.
You know, I got the whole fucking, I got my whole thing laid out, right?

Speaker 1 Maybe catch a late college game. Shit, by the time I land, it's only going to be like 8 o'clock at night.
So we fucking go up in the air.

Speaker 1 We're about 45 minutes into the flight, and I start smelling what smells like burnt popcorn. That's the smell first, and then it gets a little more fucking intense.

Speaker 1 And I'm kind of looking at the stewardesses, you know, I'm in the first fucking row going, did one of them burn a meal?

Speaker 1 Like, I'm smelling a burning smell, and it's starting to fuck with my eyes a little bit. And I'm not seeing any panic on their faces.
So I go, it must be food.

Speaker 1 Because I know I only have a few hours flying with my license. But I know, you know, smoke in the plane is not a good thing, right? No.

Speaker 1 So everything's going about normally. And then all of a sudden, I feel us descending.

Speaker 1 You know, and I feel like the fucking wings are doing blah blah blah, doing that shit. And I'm like, oh, wow, we must be hitting some rough air.
Because then the smoke wasn't as bad.

Speaker 1 And I was thinking, like, we must be hitting, it wasn't like visible smoke. You could smell it, and I could kind of feel it in my eyes a little bit.

Speaker 1 How old did I just sound? I could smell it. I felt it in my eyes.
It was very uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 So the fucking wings are like doing that shit. And I'm thinking, like, oh, he probably got it, you know.

Speaker 1 a report that there was some rough air up and he's going to go underneath it and then we'll go back up again. And then like all of a sudden my glass with the water started sliding forward.

Speaker 1 Like all of a sudden I was kind of realizing that my chair was kind of, we were at like a, like, not a 45 degree angle, but we were at a significant, we were fucking descending rapidly.

Speaker 1 And all of a sudden the stewardess just came up. She goes, can I take your glasses? We're landing.
And then I was just like, oh, fuck. Something's on fire.

Speaker 1 And the pilot didn't give any like announcement?

Speaker 1 No, because we were like at 30 something thousand feet. And the second you smell smoke, it's like, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I guarantee you, there were lights lighting up on his little dashboard there and it wasn't saying check the tire pressure

Speaker 1 i don't know what warning lights they had probably didn't want to make he didn't want everyone to panic so he's just like you know what let me just land this thing no i think he smelt smoke like there's something on fire and i'm 30 000 feet and i have to get this thing on the fucking ground immediately and i don't mean but that's why he didn't say anything because wouldn't they normally tell you like we're gonna like descend really quickly because of this that and the other i i had nothing to do with scaring us.

Speaker 1 And he didn't have fucking time. Okay.
So he just fucking goes down, and I'm just like, oh shit, here we go. Right.

Speaker 1 So the late, late, the stewardess, you know, I didn't know we were landing because they had, everybody had the shades pulled down. And it wasn't until my glass fucking slid forward.

Speaker 1 I was like, this guy's like, this guy's really...

Speaker 1 He's really dropping down here. Like, what's going on? So when she came over and she said, hey, we're landing now, right? We're literally 50 minutes in the flight, Nashville to LA, right?

Speaker 1 The woman next to me goes like, oh my God, we're here already?

Speaker 1 And I was like, I laughed and I was like, no. No.
No. I go, we're landing.
She goes, where? And I said, well, I looked at my watch. I go, I don't know.
She fucking lifted up the shade. I saw a river.

Speaker 1 I go, maybe that's the Mississippi. I'm going to say St.
Louis. Turned out it was Little Rock, Arkansas.
And

Speaker 1 she goes, what, what? Why are we landing? And I was like, well, it probably had to do with that. Did you smell that burning smell? She's like, yeah, I go, probably has to do with that.

Speaker 1 And so she's looking around. I go, yeah, but he really has, he had total control of the airplane.

Speaker 1 But my thing that I was worried with about is, you know, I don't know about the mechanics on planes and shit, but like if there was some sort of something, whatever, it burned through, some wire, some hydraulic thing, and all of a sudden he can't control it.

Speaker 1 And next thing you know, we're upside down, like in that Denzel movie, you know? Yeah. Yeah, when you lose the rear stabilizer, the dumbest shit ever that he's able to flip it back over and land.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 Hollywood movie. Yeah.
yeah, you once it's up, like you're fucked. Nobody can land that, not even Sully, right?

Speaker 1 So we start fucking coming in, and we're in Little Rock. I don't know what's Little Rock, and all I see is this fucking river.
And, you know, those things you can only see out the side.

Speaker 1 And I'm just thinking, get it on the ground, get it on the ground, just get it on the fucking ground. And all I'm seeing is this fucking

Speaker 1 that's the

Speaker 1 rodents in the wall. Okay.
There's one, there's one like right above your fucking head.

Speaker 1 Or it ran by. I think it's a a corridor.
I don't know if you guys can't hear it. You just hear plaster falling.

Speaker 1 I think they ate through the air conditioner duck and they just sort of run back and forth, you know? Dude,

Speaker 1 okay. All right.
So anyway, so I'm almost dying in a plane crash in here. So the fucking thing comes down.

Speaker 1 And all I see is the river. And that's what I started thinking of.
Like, if this motherfucker... puts this thing in the water.
All right. All I'm thinking is, is stay conscious.

Speaker 1 You have to fucking stay conscious. And that fucking door is right around the corner, provided, you know, he doesn't smash the whole thing up and you can't open the door.

Speaker 1 And then I got to fight my way through all these other fuckers and I'm going to drown.

Speaker 1 But then I see the runway. He lands the thing.
And I'm just like, please, reverse engines, reverse engines. Dosin's kicked in.
Then once we stopped, I was like, okay, all right, fine.

Speaker 1 I live, right? So we go over, we taxi over. There's a fire engine, one of those, and there's only one because it's Little Rock, Arkansas, right? Little fucking fire engine comes over.

Speaker 1 We go to D-plane. They're like, you need D-plane.
There was smoke. Blah, blah, blah.
The captain came on and he finally says, he said, I have my hands full up here.

Speaker 1 I'm sorry I didn't make an announcement. Meaning, like, it was a serious fucking thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 So as we go to get off, there's two guys in the giant fucking asbestos suits. They look ridiculous.
They look like they were beekeepers. So they didn't look like firefighters.
And we go to get off.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 as we get off, you know, the ticket agent person okay they're gonna check to see if the plane is still fine and blah blah blah and all I'm thinking in my head is like dude the fucking thing was on fire something was on fire there's no fucking way we're getting back on that there's people walking in with the beekeeper super suits it's over right so we sit there for about a half an hour and they finally come on they say okay here's the deal we need to get a new plane

Speaker 1 The plane that we're going to get is two hours away, but the crew is an hour away from getting to the plane.

Speaker 1 So it's going to be about about a three-hour delay and you know people are kind of cool, but there's those you know the 15% are

Speaker 1 digging

Speaker 1 Giving them shit. Yeah,

Speaker 1 okay giving them shit. It's like dude The fucking thing.

Speaker 1 I don't know what was on fire what was smoldering, but it was smoldering at 30 something thousand feet and the fucking pilot just got us on the ground and we like a stud and we didn't die and now you're fucking bitching.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Go up to the bar and shut the fuck up, right? So there's one guy there with his purple shirt, he's fucking breaking his neck, shaking his head, like

Speaker 1 and you know the deal. You know, you know the deal.
If they say it's gonna happen in three hours, that means about it's gonna be about 12, right?

Speaker 1 So we go into the bar and I watch Auburn kicking the shit out of the Razorbacks.

Speaker 1 Then I watch the Cubs get into the World Series and they just keep going, like, well, it's not now, it's looking like 9:30. And then they do that, it's looking like 10:10.

Speaker 1 We're thinking 10:46, And people just eat more.

Speaker 1 Freaking out. Then they change the gate.
And everybody just

Speaker 1 is gradually more and more like freaking out. And then they're vacuuming up the airport.

Speaker 1 It was the Hillary and Bill Clinton airport, the Bill and Hillary Clinton airport, which was, you know, basic seats. You know, the Clintons, they stole so much money.

Speaker 1 There's only so much left for the airport there. Right? So long story short, we landed about four o'clock this or five o'clock or something like that.
The plane, we didn't get on the fucking plane

Speaker 1 to get out of there until like uh like a little bit after 1 a.m

Speaker 1 and this is the thing like the lady the person goes okay so the plane's here and then everybody's just like so it's gonna take us to LA now and the person the guy just goes like oh no the the plane's gonna take you back to Dallas everyone's like

Speaker 1 no everyone's Dallas we we came from Nashville this is what kind of way is this to run an airline they're like screaming at this guy

Speaker 1 and uh and I was I sat the whole time. I just sat there laughing my ass off, going like, who gives a fuck

Speaker 1 as long as we're not dead, right?

Speaker 1 Like, I just couldn't, like, I mean, it was fucking scary, right? So they ended up flying us into Dallas.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 we land. And we're like, this is the plane.
We're taking LA, right? They're like, absolutely. We land in Dallas and they go, okay, we're going to need everybody to get off the plane.

Speaker 1 And everybody says, oh, James Garris got to fucking kick me. There's one guy here.
This guy, they can't possibly think we're ever going to fly this airline again. Right.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm absolutely going to fly it again.

Speaker 1 One of the guys who works for them just flew a plane that was somehow on fire from 30,000 fucking feet down to the ground. It's a great airline.
It's a great fucking airline.

Speaker 1 So we get off the fucking plane and I slept on the fucking floor waiting for the get back on. We ended up getting back on and

Speaker 1 we ended up landing at like, I think like 10 in the morning. And I actually figured it out.
It took 16 hours for me to get back from Nashville. And from here to Sydney, Australia is 14 hours.

Speaker 1 So I literally could have flown to Sydney, got a connecting flight, and got my ass down to Melbourne. But you know what, Nia? I didn't fucking

Speaker 1 burn up in a plane. That's all I just kept thinking.
The fact that you didn't flip out is still like kind of amazing to me.

Speaker 1 But the thing is, with you, is that when big things like this happen, you are so calm.

Speaker 1 Like you are just very like relaxed and you have like a lot of perspective about it. And you're you're like well, but this and this and this so this and this and this, but like, you know,

Speaker 1 God forbid there's a new operating system on your phone. It's like you have the meltdown

Speaker 1 of like, you know, a thousand

Speaker 1 crash. Everybody who flipped out about all of that airplane shit, I would have put all of them to shame

Speaker 1 over, you know, a new operating system on your phone. I can

Speaker 1 lose it. I can sit for 16 hours in an airport.
I had a great time.

Speaker 1 I went in and I sat down. I watched the Cubs.
Like, I'm sitting there going, the Cubs literally have not been to a World Series. They haven't even been there.

Speaker 1 As bad as Cleveland is, they haven't even fucking gotten to the World Series in 71 years. That's almost impossible.

Speaker 1 If it wasn't for them, it is impossible because I don't think anybody else has ever fucking done, like, just not been there. I would have been crying out of frustration.

Speaker 1 I would have been so tired and and hungry and frustrated and like all these things. The fucking plane was on fire.
No, I get it. Or whatever.
It was smoldering.

Speaker 1 Something was burning and everyone was sitting there going, who had one of those fucking Galaxy 7 phones in their

Speaker 1 right, exactly.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that they checked. That's what I was thinking.
Because there was that thing with Value Jet where something caught on fire underneath there and it burned through

Speaker 1 whatever controllers they had, and that thing crashed into a fucking swamp. Did you say that? And some of the bodies got eaten by alligators.
Oh, Jesus. Did you say that somebody?

Speaker 1 I don't give a fuck that I'm sleeping on a floor.

Speaker 1 Did you say like at the airport, somebody asked about that phone? Like they were asking people if anyone had that phone. Oh, when we got back on the plane the second time,

Speaker 1 they said, if anybody has a Galaxy 7 phone, can you notify the stewardess? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Which is hilarious to me.

Speaker 1 Okay, it's... So that happened on a plane.
You know, that guy's phone started smoking in his pocket.

Speaker 1 He went to turn it off, he put it in his pocket, and then or something like that, and it started smoking. Yeah, but that's not going to take down a plane.

Speaker 1 If it's in your bag and it starts smoking and then ignites with the shirt or some shit like that, and you have a really, I guess, a bad canvas suitcase

Speaker 1 and it eats its way out, then I think you're in trouble. But what's he going to do? Just stare at his pocket as it slowly catches on fire, going, oh my God.
I think that's what I'm saying. Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 What do I do?

Speaker 1 His pocket's on fire. We're all going to die.
Yeah, I think that's exactly what happened.

Speaker 1 Dude, there was a guy that literally tried to light his fucking shoes on fire and everybody just beat the fuck out of him. Like, that's what happened to this guy.

Speaker 1 And he was trying to take the fucking plane down.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Those phones are like, fuck.
They always exaggerate. They always exaggerate.

Speaker 1 Like you went through, if there's anything smoking on a plane, on a pressurized fucking enclosed, you know, thing in V not vehicle, but you know what I'm saying, vessel.

Speaker 1 You got to get everybody out of there. Better safe than sorry.
I know, but it's like, okay, so your phone starts catching on fire.

Speaker 1 It starts, I mean, how long are you going to take it out? Like, oh my God, what the fuck? And then take your little complimentary glass of water and dump it on it, and it's over. You know what?

Speaker 1 I don't know what he did after that. I'm sure he took it out and was like, oh, shit.
I know exactly what he did. He grabbed somebody else's phone and took a selfie and said, hashtag, fuck my life.

Speaker 1 And then he got a deal. He got some sort of internet deal.
And now he makes 400 grand. He's the fuck my life guy.

Speaker 1 And he runs around and he does splits in front of people like the dude with the blonde hair. That fucking 60-minute segment really chapped your ass, didn't it?

Speaker 1 Bill and I. No, it didn't.

Speaker 1 Bill and I, wait, a little backup. Bill and I just watched a 60-minute segment, right? About social media influencers.

Speaker 1 And so there's these kids on there, because, you know, they're millennials or whatever with the exception of Kim Kardashian.

Speaker 1 But the other people on there are these young people that you know have all these viewed vines and Snapchats and everything.

Speaker 1 And so companies are paying them insane amounts of money to do advertising for. And one of them is this blonde kid whose name I don't remember.
He's fucking hilarious.

Speaker 1 And he does these splits in front of people. Random locations.
He's like at the wall of China,

Speaker 1 the Eiffel Tower, and everything. And he has all these like views.
So he gets no, no. I thought all those kids are funny.

Speaker 1 What drove me nuts about it was how the reporter just couldn't get his head around it going like, so then you get six million views

Speaker 1 and people want to advertise in that. It's like

Speaker 1 it's like, fuckhead.

Speaker 1 You're on a TV show.

Speaker 1 There's advertising on your TV show. The amount of viewers that you have is how much you can charge for ad space.
Why would this be? He just couldn't get his fucking head around it.

Speaker 1 He's explaining it to the people that are watching 60 Minutes, which are older people generally. They have older correspondents.
They're explaining it to our parents. They're not explaining it to us.

Speaker 1 Oh, you're letting them off the hook. You're letting them off the hook.

Speaker 1 They're doing it. I'm telling you.

Speaker 1 They're doing it for like 60, 70 plus-year-old people.

Speaker 1 Reporter was exactly who I thought he was. No.

Speaker 1 I'm telling you, there there is a reason why they're so like, all right, well, maybe because

Speaker 1 I get it. Maybe because I get it.
Yeah, you get like impatient with it. That's for old people that are like, you do

Speaker 1 have your phone. Yeah,

Speaker 1 I fucking have a podcast. It's a radio show on the internet.
Enough people listen. Explain that to me.
Enough people will advertise.

Speaker 1 I know, but explain that to like an old, I shouldn't even say my dad's 65, and I think he would grasp that concept.

Speaker 1 But like, think about the most older people who are are not LA, New York, who are just not savvy about that stuff. Like they don't get it.
And they probably don't necessarily

Speaker 1 get it. Oh, and then I fucking do this and I wear a Jimmy John shirt.
Yeah. And he's like, and they, and they, and then, and then they pay you for that?

Speaker 1 It's like, half the fucking bands this guy's going to see, like, there's advertising at the shows. The Rolling Stones have like Bud Light in the background, right?

Speaker 1 I know. I just think they're, I really think that they're explaining it for older people who don't understand what it means to go viral.
They don't even know what that word means.

Speaker 1 It's a new phenomenon for them. They don't get it.
That 60 Minutes is not for people. No, it's a new word for what the fuck they've been doing.
Yeah. 60 Minutes went viral in the 60s.

Speaker 1 It was a hit show. Right.
It just wasn't viral. It went fucking.
There was no internet. TVO.
Viral. Whatever the fuck you call a hit TV show.
Right. But viral.

Speaker 1 And do you think there was people from the 1800s still alive going like, so you're in that box?

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 a lot of the more people that watch it,

Speaker 1 you make more money.

Speaker 1 Yes.

Speaker 1 Yes, that's exactly how that works.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 It was fucking like, but he said it to every one of them. I know, but every

Speaker 1 single thing.

Speaker 1 He was explaining it for the older people at home that don't understand these things. And Kim Kardashian couldn't have broke it down anymore for him.

Speaker 1 And he just couldn't get his fucking head around it.

Speaker 1 He's like, so you don't sing, you don't dance. She's like, no, I just like, it's a lifestyle.
I'm a brand.

Speaker 1 And he's like, dude, you're literally interviewing Iron. You're taking the fucking time to interview her.

Speaker 1 She obviously has some sort of fucking clout.

Speaker 1 I've never seen a guy so in the eye of the storm, and he's out there with like sunglasses on, like, looking for the sun

Speaker 1 it's windy out

Speaker 1 and a tree could hit me in the head like he just couldn't get his fucking head around it it was drive me up the fucking wall drive me up the wall and then also like people acting like these little things were these high concept fucking bits they're not they're quick little fucking things Like that dude going, I can do the whole Batman Superman.

Speaker 1 What if in four seconds? Yeah, of course, yes.

Speaker 1 Everybody said that. Yeah, Superman would just fuck him up.
That was it.

Speaker 1 And then the old guy was going like,

Speaker 1 so like that's

Speaker 1 what you think would happen?

Speaker 1 Sorry.

Speaker 1 That, and when you were watching your reality show, I tapped out when that girl finally just goes, for me,

Speaker 1 after she'd just been talking about herself. And then she's going to talk about herself, talking about herself.
I had no idea my mom was that frustrated that it affected her that way.

Speaker 1 And I just feel like, for me,

Speaker 1 I know, I really do hate that. Just for me, I just feel like,

Speaker 1 for me, I just feel like is not a great way to start a sentence. You should just say, I think I feel.

Speaker 1 All of that reality shows speak that you watch.

Speaker 1 You know, and that made me feel a certain kind of way. Some type of way.
Made me feel some type of way.

Speaker 1 It's always so fucking vague, but some type of way never means happy. No.

Speaker 1 Why can't you just say it fucking pissed you off? Maybe because this is a nicer way to say it. Right.
Maybe because you don't want to get into your specific emotion.

Speaker 1 So you're like, it just had me feeling some type of way. Oh, no, no, no.
There is not one woman on any of those shows that does not want to get into how they're feeling emotionally.

Speaker 1 That is what the entire fucking show is. I don't know.
I think it's just the way young people are speaking now. They don't say, that made me frustrated, or I was really angry.

Speaker 1 No, that was like a, that was like a. You just say, I'm in my feelings.
You say, no, I'm really in my feelings. She was really in her feelings about it.
Or I feel some type of way.

Speaker 1 That's what people say now. Instead of saying, I feel like I'm not.
Well, those real housewives were talking like that. And they're like, they got like 20-year-old kids.

Speaker 1 Well, because they're trying to be.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm being right now? I'm being the old guy in 60 minutes. I just can't

Speaker 1 get my head around it. Why anybody?

Speaker 1 I feel some type of way instead of saying I'm a so no matter how great their lives are, they're always gonna yell at each other and pull each other's hair. I'm doing that.
Yes, Bill.

Speaker 1 That's what the fucking show is. And you enjoy this? Yes, Bill.

Speaker 3 That's why I watch it.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Hey, hey, Nia, you know what? Fair enough.

Speaker 1 Fair enough.

Speaker 1 You feel some type of way about all this stuff, Jack.

Speaker 1 Oh my God, that guy in 60 minutes. It was like, I swear to God.

Speaker 1 I wanted to eat the glass I was drinking out of. I was explaining to your dad

Speaker 1 that whole concept.

Speaker 1 Listen. That's what that man was doing.

Speaker 1 Yeah. And my dad would get it.

Speaker 1 Your dad would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure, sure.

Speaker 1 No, yeah, he wouldn't listen. Yeah, what'd you say? Okay.

Speaker 1 Christ Bill, I'm tired. Okay, I I don't need to hear this shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, I shouldn't tell this story, but I'm gonna.

Speaker 1 What story?

Speaker 1 I can't tell it. I can't tell it because

Speaker 1 there's too many people I have to fucking protect.

Speaker 1 All I can tell you is that the authority figure called the house

Speaker 1 and said,

Speaker 1 ah, shit.

Speaker 1 He said, listen,

Speaker 1 I can't prove it, but I know your son

Speaker 1 did some, you know, X, Y, and Z. Oh, right.
And then my dad goes, what do you mean? He goes, what do you mean you can't prove it, but you know he did it?

Speaker 1 And he goes, oh, Christ, I don't have time for this shit. And he hung up on him.

Speaker 1 He was the exact opposite of, I'm going to get involved.

Speaker 1 With this shit.

Speaker 1 I really love that response. No.

Speaker 1 My family, we're all loners.

Speaker 1 Big family, but we all just do our own shit. And I last thing, like the same way I don't want to, like,

Speaker 1 like the way I've been paying for three cell phone numbers

Speaker 1 for the last, I didn't even realize it. To do the backstory, one time I was on the fucking road, and Nia calls me up.
She goes, why do you have like three different cell phone numbers? What the fuck?

Speaker 1 Are you living a double life? And I go, I don't. I got one.
She goes, no, you got three. And I go, no, I don't.
I got one. She goes, I'm looking at the bill right now and what it was was

Speaker 1 it was back in the 2000s

Speaker 1 I was like I was so confused slash angry slash annoyed slash okay maybe it's just not what I think it is or whatever but I'm like paying all the bills since you're on the road so I'm like going through everything and I'm like this motherfucker has three numbers why

Speaker 1 why on earth would he have three phone three numbers I've only seen one phone does he have a secret phone, like a secret cell phone? I got a little flip. Because I know men do that sometimes.

Speaker 1 They have a secret little bat phone. All right, this is what it was.
This is what it was. Back in like 15 fucking years ago.

Speaker 1 Wasn't that maybe 12, 12 years ago. It was when I was with you.
I would go on the road, and this is before like smartphones and all of that, and you had to get the internet.

Speaker 1 And I'd go to these hotels, and they would charge me like $12.99 a day, $15.99 a day. And I wasn't making shit on the road.
It would fucking, it would add up.

Speaker 1 And that was still back when, you know, you'd get sides for your auditions emailed to you. Then you had to go down to the fucking thing in the lobby and

Speaker 1 print it out. So they came up with these little things.
They look like hockey pucks, these little round things that you'd get your own internet.

Speaker 1 I think Bobby Kelly, dude, you got to get this, dude, right? Oh, yeah, my dad had one of those. Yeah, and it plug it in.
And it came with like a phone number or something. Okay.

Speaker 1 So I got one of those.

Speaker 1 They explained how to do do it. I did it one time.
It worked. It didn't work again.
And then I forgot about it

Speaker 1 to the point I forgot I even had it. And then I got another one.

Speaker 1 And then that one, I just, you know, after a while, I just got a smartphone and I never look at my bill. I just look, what does it cost?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 So then, you know, years later. So you've been paying for this number.
I've been paying an extra $50 a month. And they're still on my bill.

Speaker 1 What are you going to take it off then?

Speaker 1 I don't want to. I would rather pay $50 a fucking month than have to sit there and I'm not going to get upset.

Speaker 1 I can't fucking deal with calling up and going.

Speaker 1 I need to cancel this. I am no longer using it.
That's not how it works, though. You go in and it goes like,

Speaker 1 you know, what, you know, it's the robot.

Speaker 1 And then it's going like, you know, if you want to do this, press one. If you want to do that, press two.
And you always are existing at like one and a half.

Speaker 1 It's like a little bit three, but a little bit four. And you're just like, operator.
Operator, operator. Operator.
And you press zero. I'm sorry.
That doesn't fucking work.

Speaker 1 And then the worst thing ever is you get on and you say, yeah, who am I speaking with today? Oh, William Burr. Can I get your zip code? Can I get you your fucking first

Speaker 1 goldfish's name? Can I get this? Can I get that? Can I get that? And then you tell them what the problem is. And they go, okay, I'm going to have to transfer you to somebody else.
I'm like, hello.

Speaker 1 And then they go, okay, who am I speaking to? What is your zip code? What is the name of your goal? It's like, I just fucking told you. See, here I go.
I fucking told you all that shit.

Speaker 1 And Nia, I don't want to deal with that shit. So you'd rather continue to pay this bill for the rest of your life.
No, I want to take them off. Of course, I want to take them off.

Speaker 1 I just, you know, that's not my

Speaker 1 top priority, Nia, is not fucking cold. You saw when I tried to get the NFL network.

Speaker 1 I was on the phone for fucking 90 mother fucking minutes with people in Southeast Asia who didn't even know what hot, no, it was hockey. Yeah, you did really good.
I was very proud of you that day.

Speaker 1 You were so calm. You were so polite.
You didn't like freak out. No, you missed part of it when you left.

Speaker 1 I was just like, listen, yeah, you know, I'm not trying to be a jerk, but like, this is your second language, and you don't even know what the sport is.

Speaker 1 I'm talking, this would be like if you called me up and I, you know, Rosetta stoned how you speak, and you want to watch cricket. Rosetta stoned.
Yeah, and they would just.

Speaker 1 She just goes, I'm sorry, I'm in Asia. Is that going to be a problem? And then I felt bad.
I was like, no, it's not a problem. You know what I'm saying? She goes, no, I get it.
She was actually great.

Speaker 1 The first person was a fucking idiot. He wasn't a fucking idiot.
He just was not a smart person.

Speaker 1 He lacked the tools for that situation. So, no, I have to do it.

Speaker 1 There's so many fucking, if you knew the amount of fucking money that I throw away because I don't want to deal with the infrastructure. Right.
The amount of times I've bought a plane ticket.

Speaker 1 Okay, I buy a fucking plane ticket and then the thing gets canceled and I don't go. I don't call up.
I I just eat the price of the ticket. I do it

Speaker 1 all the fucking time. All the fucking time.
Because I am not going to www.delta.org. I'm not fucking doing it.
I'm not doing it. I'm not sure if I can do it.
Your travel person do it.

Speaker 1 Like when I wasn't able to go to Nashville, I emailed her and I said, I'm not able to go.

Speaker 1 And then I'll get a Oh, good. I thought I ate that ticket.
No, and she's like, I'm going to cancel it. And I said, I'm going to get a note from my doctor.

Speaker 1 And so maybe we'll be able to to get reimbursed and she's like yeah I just canceled it like let me know and we'll do what we can I literally like I think I'm paying for I paid for a hotel room Sunday night because we were gonna be there through Sunday night yeah and rather than just stopping at the fucking front desk and just dealing with that I just leave

Speaker 1 You never check out. I don't check out.
You never do like the hi, I'm leaving. How was your stay enjoyable? You just fuck.
I leave. Walk out the door.

Speaker 1 And I'm just like, wait, don't we have to check out? You're like, ah, don't send me the bill. They'll figure it out.

Speaker 1 You never take the time to check out.

Speaker 1 You're the first, the only person I know that doesn't go down there and is like, okay, goodbye. I'm leaving.
Here's the key. See you later.
You just fucking walk out. No, I just leave.

Speaker 1 I've done that with like rental cars. One time I got so shit-faced

Speaker 1 so late into the night and I didn't realize at a 6 a.m. flight.
I got up and I was still drunk and I was like, I can't fucking, I tried to drive. I was like, I can't drive.

Speaker 1 And my GPS wasn't working because I was in like fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 Elk Deer, fucking Montana or some shit. I was up in Canada.
Elk Deer. Yeah, Yellow Knife.
You know, they have all that shit.

Speaker 1 They're like us. You know, they wiped out the Indians and then they just name shit after them to make themselves feel better.
Right?

Speaker 1 No, we didn't do that. They're like us.
Canadians. Well, like white people.
Right. Yeah, you're not included in that.
No, I'm not sure. Just watch a Trump rally.
You're not a part of that.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 anyways, like, yeah, I remember one time, and I just, I gave the keys to the guy at the hotel. I go, hey, can you take that back for me? I'm too drunk.
Yeah, don't fucking worry about it.

Speaker 1 And I was so fucking shit-faced

Speaker 1 that, like, when two weeks later they called me up

Speaker 1 going, yeah, where's the car?

Speaker 1 I was sitting there, and I always give a fake number. Right.
So I'm like, what do you mean? I brought it back. How the fuck did you get this number? Leave me alone.

Speaker 1 They're like, sir, it hasn't come back yet. I go, I fucking, I dropped it off.

Speaker 1 I just kept hanging up on him. And I don't know, there was something, like the third time they called, I finally was just like, started thinking, I was just like, wait a minute.

Speaker 1 Did I bring that back? And I called up Verzi.

Speaker 1 And I was like, Verzi, did we bring that car back? And he was just like, oh, dude, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't remember because, you know, because he was, you know, we were all pretty fucking, we were out there. And

Speaker 1 Bartner couldn't remember. And then I was just like, wait a minute, dude.
There was a gig I did and I gave the keys to someone at the hotel.

Speaker 1 Was that that gig? And then we figured out that it was that gig. And then they drove down and it was sitting there.
That cost me like $1,200.

Speaker 1 Do you realize the house we could be living in? Ridiculous. No, I do it

Speaker 1 all the fucking time. Because I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 don't, to money to me, is just writing a number on a piece of paper. And it's just like, just, if you just get past the fact that it actually has value.
Do you know

Speaker 1 the position you're in to be even to be saying that? I've always been that way. $50 a month is a lot to a lot of people to just be throwing away.
You know what I mean? Like, that's the thing.

Speaker 1 Listen, don't guilt me because, Nia, I fucked up.

Speaker 1 Consciousness. Time out.
Now, fuck that, Nia. Fuck that.
I didn't know anybody in this business. I didn't take the safe fucking route, okay, and go for the fucking, I'm gonna go do something else.

Speaker 1 I fucked. You earned the right to blow $50 a month on numbers.
No, it's my fucking money. I don't want to fucking deal with that shit.

Speaker 1 I tried to be in the office area. I wore a fucking tie.
I tried to do it.

Speaker 1 I sat in on meetings, and I literally just, all I would think about is like whoever was talking, I wanted to run right at them, dive over their shoulder, right through the fucking window, and nosedive into the fucking parking lot.

Speaker 1 I can't live in that fucking world. So I picked this shit where 99.9% of people fail.
All right. So I took all of my chips, I put it on the fucking zillion-to-one shot, and it fucking came in.

Speaker 1 And one of the perks of my fucking business is I don't check out.

Speaker 1 I walk out.

Speaker 1 I walk out. I don't want to talk to you.
I fucking hate when I get into the fucking, just leave me alone. That's the thing.
Just

Speaker 1 leave me alone. You don't want to talk

Speaker 1 to anybody who's like,

Speaker 1 hi, can I help you? Let me get this right.

Speaker 1 You don't ever want to deal with any type of customer service on any level. Leave me alone.
They're helping you. You don't even want to deal with that.
No, just leave me.

Speaker 1 I hate when I check into a hotel and then there's a phone call and you pick up. Hello.
Oh, hey, hi, Mr. Bird.
Just checking to make sure everything was all right in your room.

Speaker 1 This is so much. You hate rooms.
You hate housekeeping services. Turn-down service.
You hate all of that.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God. When I'm my last one, like, the lady was coming in.
I'm like, she's knocking on the door. I said, yeah, I'm sorry.
I'm like, I'm all right. I'm all right.
She just kept coming.

Speaker 1 I'm like, I'm all right.

Speaker 1 Like, get out of here.

Speaker 1 I feel like I paid for that fucking room. I got the sign hanging out on the other side.
Do I have to have a guard out there? He wants to be left alone.

Speaker 1 What the fuck does that mean? Is everything all right with the room? First of all, I'm an adult. If there was, yeah, there's,

Speaker 1 I'm glad you called. There's water pouring in.
I didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 The fucking room's fine. The bed is on the ground.

Speaker 1 There's a mattress.

Speaker 1 And I lie on it. I know how to use everything in here.
That's it.

Speaker 1 That's it. Whenever we go to hotels, if we're on vacation or anything,

Speaker 1 and I'm like, Bill, can you,

Speaker 1 especially if we're in a foreign country. I'm like, Bill, can you call down and ask them if they can make reservations or whatever, if it's like a different language? Bill always goes, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 You're better at that stuff than I am. And and i'm like all you have to do

Speaker 1 is ask them to do something and he's like no no no i can't i can't no i'm not you have to do it i'm not good at it i'm not good at it you know it's funny i actually when i got to nashville so early right

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 and i i went into like the the sky lounge thing i'm not gonna say the airline i always fly right but i i've you know i finally somebody convinced me to fucking, you know, go into the Sky Lounge area, right?

Speaker 1 So I go, all right, I'll fucking do that. But then the stupid, but that thing's fucking stupid because then you have to get to the airport early to make it worth it.

Speaker 1 It's like, I don't want to be here. I want to get here as late as possible, immediately get on the plane and get the fuck out of here, right? So anyways, I got really there really early to Nashville.

Speaker 1 Didn't know that my fucking plane was going to catch on fire. So I go in there and they go,

Speaker 1 I go, yeah, I got, you know, I don't have my card on me. And then they go, you know, what's your name?

Speaker 1 What was the name of your goldfish? And all of that fucking shit. And I go through all of that.
And then she looks up, she goes, oh, here you are. And I never use miles either.
That's another thing.

Speaker 1 I always get miles, but I've never used them. Yeah.
Because I don't want to go on the fucking website and deal with all that. I just, how much does it cost?

Speaker 1 I'll write it on this piece of paper and fuck off, right?

Speaker 1 So she looks in and her eyes just go like big as saucers. She goes, You have 824,000 freaking fly miles.

Speaker 1 I was like, oh, yeah, do I ask?

Speaker 1 I thought you have used. miles.
Yeah, you want them? Yeah.

Speaker 1 Because I ain't going on the fucking website. I thought you used miles in the past when I first started flying with you to gigs.
Didn't you use them?

Speaker 1 When I was making no money, when I made no fucking money, and then we were going to go on vacation. Yeah.
And I wanted to fly first class, I would use up, they would use up all of my miles. Right.

Speaker 1 But then once I started making money, it's like I don't have to fucking deal with that anymore. I hated doing that because I call my travel agents like, oh, I'm sorry.
I can't can't do that.

Speaker 1 You have to log on. Just go to fucking continental.
I used to fly continental out of Newark all the time. You'd have to go to I.

Speaker 1 I'm not good at it. I fucking hate it.
I would rather, I would rather just

Speaker 1 give you the money. You have to ask our travel person to do it.
Do you know that when I went to meet you? No, when I went to Chicago.

Speaker 1 Hey, if I get over a million, do the pilots come back and say hello like they did with George Clooney in that movie? Maybe. I'm getting up there.
You are getting up there. But

Speaker 1 i got bumped or something like that

Speaker 1 and so they give uh they give you the voucher like it's a 300 voucher and whatever whatever it is 300 voucher do you know i took that i scanned it and i emailed it to her and i said by the way i got this voucher so if you can use it towards bill's next flight and she was like oh great actually i can i'm like so on top of that shit you would have been like this

Speaker 1 i got a voucher I've never been in a trash. I've never, no, I lose it.
I don't even know where it is. Yeah.
No, I helped you. You know, like some old lady eating cat food.

Speaker 1 Once again, this is something that like most people would be like, oh, good. I can use this towards the next thing.
And you're just like, wiping your ass with it. I'm not wiping my ass with it.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Look how I dress. Like, I live.
I got quarter. I'm dressed like Malcolm Young on the Power Age tour.

Speaker 1 Some old white dudes get that reference. I just

Speaker 1 live within my fucking means, and it affords me an ability to not have to sit there. You got a voucher

Speaker 1 standing.

Speaker 1 All right, sorry, the batteries just died there. I had to cut this up.

Speaker 1 Nia, first of all, you're making it seem like I'm this spoiled rich kid who goes around burning, like lighting $100 bills on fire. Nia, I've always fucking been that way.

Speaker 1 I've never, like, when I wasn't making any fucking money, and I was staying at the Hoto de la Super way back in the day, right?

Speaker 1 And they'd always have like the continental breakfast, and you got to get down here by 10 a.m.

Speaker 1 And I did it like one time, and I'm standing in line with all these people with these fucking old loafers, hoping they're not going to run out of batter

Speaker 1 for the fucking waffles. And I'm just sitting there going, like, I can go to Denny's like a gentleman and just sit down and order a fucking waffle.
I don't need a free fucking waffle.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? That's like miserly shit to me. And get a voucher.
All of that shit. I'm not, I'm like,

Speaker 1 I remember one time I was so fucking mad. They fucked me over so bad on this plane that I actually did that old lady shit.

Speaker 1 And I walked in and I was like, I've been waiting and I paid for this and blah, blah, blah. My bag took all this fucking time.

Speaker 1 And then they were just like, all right, all right. You know, you got to go on the website.
And I was like, I know what she because you don't think I'm going to do it.

Speaker 1 You don't think I'm going to do it. I went home and I fucking did it and I took all of that time.

Speaker 1 And then there was, you know, they just kept calling, you know, emailing me back and I kept having to confirm shit. And then I finally just said, ah, fuck it.

Speaker 1 I just, I don't have the, I don't have that fight in me.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, I don't wait for sales

Speaker 1 or any of that shit.

Speaker 1 If I need it, I go in and I fucking buy it. And whatever it costs me, if that means I can't do something else in my life, I just won't do that.
But like,

Speaker 1 for me, you cannot put a price on getting that over with as quick as fucking possible. Yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I'm giving you a hard time, but you do have a very healthy attitude about money. You're really good with money.

Speaker 1 You've taught me a lot about being responsible about money but i think i have definitely that mentality of

Speaker 1 taking advantage of little stuff like that and like oh my god this costs extra like i have to like cut it out even if it does inconvenience me in some way Like I just have that. I am a coupon person.

Speaker 1 I am a sale person. I'm always like, but it was on sale.
It's discounted. Like, that's still.

Speaker 1 I love that shit. Yeah, it was on sale.
Yeah, it was still 700 bucks. So you go the other way.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it was on sale.

Speaker 1 All of your fucking shoes and shit. All of this shit that you can do.
Everything that I buy for the most part is on sale. I use so many discounted websites.
Yeah, but it's still expensive as shit.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but it's not as expensive. Jesus Christ.

Speaker 1 I walk around and like American Airlines is going to give me a free peanut butter and jelly sandwich because the fucking was 20 minutes late. And I'm like, hey, dude, you know what?

Speaker 1 Keep your fucking sandwich. I'll buy my own sandwich.
And you're making me act like I'm a fucking, you

Speaker 1 a Trump or some shit. And you're over there buying like a thousand dollar pair of shoes.
Oh, it's on fucking sale.

Speaker 1 Drive me nuts with that shit. All right, I got to read some of the, I haven't even done any of the advertising.

Speaker 1 Let me see something here. What have you been doing down here this whole time, huh?

Speaker 1 Listening to the rats and the fucking wall.

Speaker 1 For me, I just feel like, for me.

Speaker 1 All right, where's the advertising here? Here we go. Here we go.
Here we go. I will tell you, like,

Speaker 1 I don't know. Like, you know, something

Speaker 1 there's people that I grew up with that were really miserly like that. You know, and they didn't leave good tips and they just blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
It's just fucking paper.

Speaker 1 Just give it to them.

Speaker 1 Make them happy and let's get the fuck out of here.

Speaker 1 But when you don't have it,

Speaker 1 let's just get the fuck out of here. When you don't have a lot of it, you have to be miserly.
You have to find a way to like survive and get what you want and still have some to live on.

Speaker 1 I moved to New York City. I ate spaghetti every night.
I had a chair that became a fucking table. I ate, I did that all the fucking time.

Speaker 1 I can live on fucking nothing. I did it.
But you know something? I still had money in the bank because I saved up for my day jobs because I knew New York was going to be expensive.

Speaker 1 And I wasn't going to be that fucking guy going, oh, God, you know, I'm down to my last 20 bucks. How are you down to your last 20 bucks?

Speaker 1 How did you get yourself into that fucking situation? Okay, I'm talking about white male heterosexual. How the fuck did you get yourself in that situation? You fucked up.
You fucked up your money.

Speaker 1 You're an adult. Right.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 you know how much money you're making. You know what your fucking bills are.

Speaker 1 But, you know, you start making money. And for the first half of the month,

Speaker 1 you're walking around acting like you make three times as much. And then the end of the fucking month, you're going to come to me and act like a fucking pound puppy like you're you know

Speaker 1 like the world did you wrong it's like no you fucked yourself over

Speaker 1 I believe you guys say you played yourself you played yourself congratulations you played yourself yeah that's why I hate going to the bank at the beginning of the month I hate it it's a bunch of people whose money is fucked up Okay, and it's depressing to see because they should have been educated on how fucking money works.

Speaker 1 What do you mean? The first of the month when people get paid? And they're

Speaker 1 paydays, Saturdays, the the day when the general fucking public goes in there,

Speaker 1 every fucking fifth person is in there yelling through that bulletproof glass and can't understand.

Speaker 1 It's basic fucking meth. You put 200 in there, you withdrew 200,

Speaker 1 you don't have any money left.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's very rare that I fucking stick up for the banks, but when there's fucking people in there, I mean, there's all this information online.

Speaker 1 you know what i mean there's all this this i don't know i don't know i always had a job i have i had a paper root since i was in third grade and then i had money for my football cards and my candy bars i i had my overhead was fine and i remember my friends were always like oh i'm broke oh fucking broke i'd be like get a paper root oh i don't want to get up well they'd go yourself

Speaker 1 supposed to feel bad for you because you can't get doubles at lunch you got to go to your mother how old are you i mean are we eight years old are we eight years old

Speaker 1 Oh, I'm on my fucking soapbox.

Speaker 1 Everybody should live the way I do. A little enterprising BB.

Speaker 1 I wasn't enterprising. I just fucking made money, and then I always had it, and I didn't blow it all.

Speaker 1 The idea of you with a paper root, so you had money for football cards and candy is the cutest thing I've ever had. Oh, it's the greatest thing.
I love football cards.

Speaker 1 And I used to go down, I used to ride my bike up to the corner store, and I would sit there, little freckle-faced me, going, Did the tops football cards come out yet? Oh, my God!

Speaker 1 And they'd be like, No, I'm sorry. And I would check every single day.
Oh, my God. And when they came out, so cute.

Speaker 1 When they came out, me and all my friends would buy them, and then we'd sit there, trade them, and stick in the big fucking piece of shit gum that they had that always fucked up the football card, usually the best one in the pack.

Speaker 1 And you'd sit there and cut the roof of your mouth as you're trying to chew it down. And we would just sit there and, yeah, root beer, candy, just all all fucking sugar.
Yeah. Just going through.

Speaker 1 I got Bob Greasy. I got O.J.
Simpson. I got Walter Payton.
All these guys way back then. Randy White, Jack Lambert.
I still remember all their names. It was fucking great.

Speaker 1 Robert Newhouse, rest his soul. So cute.
Yep.

Speaker 1 I used to make like $6 a fucking week. I was loaded.
Oh, that's a lot. I was fucking loaded.

Speaker 1 How old were you when you started the paper root? Third grade?

Speaker 1 Third grade. See like two years old.
And I kept it all the way to like freshman in high school to the point of like, you know, when the child star is just not cute anymore?

Speaker 1 No one wants a six-foot paper boy. I wasn't, I'm not six feet tall, but that's just a funny number.

Speaker 1 Yeah, so then I then I immediately went from that to then I just had like a there was this weird time. I just didn't I didn't have a job because I was too old to be a paperboy, I felt.

Speaker 1 And then I was, but I was too young to have a job. Yeah, did you have a job in high school?

Speaker 1 Well, then, so when I quit my payparute, I didn't have any fucking money coming in, and I was not used to that.

Speaker 1 I hadn't dealt with that since I was way back in the second grade.

Speaker 1 This was a crisis. This was my first 2008 that I went through.
So I actually went down, I think it was to the principal's office, and I got a worker's permit that allowed me to work underage.

Speaker 1 Is that what I did? Yeah, to get this job that I wanted. And during the summertime, I used to caddy.
Uh-huh. I used to caddy, and I used to try to get doubles, you know, which was two bags.

Speaker 1 And, you know, you'd just be running from one guy to another guy. And hopefully, you know, it was always really bad when one guy really fucking sucked.
But if they both sucked, it was brutal.

Speaker 1 If one guy sliced and the other guy hooked and they both were fucking righties, that was going to be a long afternoon for you. And

Speaker 1 yeah.

Speaker 1 I used to do that, you know.

Speaker 1 I love hearing about like your childhood stuff that you did. I just like, it's just so funny to me because now I'm pictured.

Speaker 1 At At first I pictured you little cutie freckle face with your cards and your bubblegum and your

Speaker 1 orange hair.

Speaker 1 I look like a little fucking, there's a such thing as an adorable scarecrow. That's what the fuck I look like.

Speaker 1 And now you're like a high school kid running around the golf course with two golf bags on you. So you literally have worked your entire life.

Speaker 1 Yeah, then I got this job at this place called Morse Shoe, and we were doing the job. Morse Shoe?

Speaker 1 Yeah, and it was like we, I just met, this was the worst fucking job I ever had as far as just like mind-numbingly fucking, it felt like 20 hours. It was like two hours at the end of every school day.

Speaker 1 I'd take the bus over and then I would fucking walk home like two miles or some shit like that. Back when you just do that as a kid, just walk along a fucking highway and nobody gave a fuck, right?

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they had like these little cards, these computer cards with numbers on them, and you had these order forms and you had these little manila envelopes. I still don't know what the fuck it was.

Speaker 1 It was something for them them to then feed into this computer. This was like 1984 or some shit.

Speaker 1 Um, I hated that job. Um,

Speaker 1 then I, then I got into warehousing, and when I got into warehousing, then I got my first loan. My dad co-signed the loan, and I for the car for the car, yeah.

Speaker 1 But I put all the down payment, he didn't pay a dime of it. I bought the whole fuck, I got a three-year loan from Danvers Savings Bank, one Conance Street.
I still remember remember writing the thing.

Speaker 1 It was $138.63 a month. Still remember that shit.
Paid that whole fucking thing off.

Speaker 1 Ended up getting another paper route with the truck where I would drive in the morning. You just went back to the paper route was all.

Speaker 1 But I did the warehousing during the day. No, then I had two jobs.

Speaker 1 And I was also, then I got rid of that thing just because my friends teased me. Oh, what are you? A fucking paper boy? And it felt stupid.
It was great.

Speaker 1 Yes. No, but it was like an extra hundred bucks a week, which huge, right? So I ended up quitting that and

Speaker 1 the fuck did I go from there? I tried selling newspaper subscriptions. Didn't you have a telemarketing type of job? Yeah, I had that.

Speaker 1 But when I went to college, I went to college part-time and I paid for my education.

Speaker 1 And all the way to like my last year,

Speaker 1 my parents helped me out with that. And I also got a loan from another family friend.
But I paid all of them back.

Speaker 1 I paid all of them back before I moved down to New York now then I started once when I started doing stand-up I also had a day job and

Speaker 1 and I was still living at home and I was still driving that piece of shit truck that I bought in 85 red truck right right and I drove that thing for 10 fucking years and I remember when the engine died and I was at work and somebody was going like so now what are you gonna do you know what are you gonna buy and I was thinking of buying and I was gonna buy like a Toyota Corolla or just something like a comic car that could you know go like 200,000 miles and I finally was just like fuck this man I know I want to move to new york i could spend like you know like a new car like a corolla back then was like this early 90s was like it was like 11 12 grand which was a ton of fucking money especially for me at that time and uh

Speaker 1 or i could just spend 1500 bucks and have them rip the engine out and put a new one in so that's what i did and i just remember this woman at work i've told this story before she just said she goes where's the new car they need a new car i said ah you know what i just i just had a new engine put in my truck instead and she just made this face she was just like that was stupid and fucking walked away.

Speaker 1 And she was really beautiful too. And I was just like, you know what? It probably was stupid.
Because I guess if I got the new car, it could have banged you. I don't know.
So

Speaker 1 I had that truck, and that was the one. Like the last, my first three years of comedy, I drove around doing that thing.
That's when I met Patrice.

Speaker 1 He wrote everybody that I knew from back then rode around on that thing. And then,

Speaker 1 long story short, there was an electrical fire and it burned down right before I moved to New York, which was fine because having a car in New York is a pain in the ass.

Speaker 1 So when I moved down to New York, I had no debt. I paid off my student loans.
I had no credit card debt. I got myself out from, I had like 700, the revolving 700 bucks with the credit card debt.

Speaker 1 I just got myself out of it and I didn't buy anything. I was like Jimmy the Jet.
Take it back. Don't buy anything.
Don't fucking, if I could say any advice to any young person out there, okay,

Speaker 1 when you're young is when they give you those credit cards, man, do not fucking rack those. And if you have, you got to

Speaker 1 knock those fucking things down. Yeah.
yeah okay

Speaker 1 you know figure out what the fuck you want to do before you're involved in some sort of serious relationship which is going to be like but i want to live here fuck all of that get on the path you want to get on eat your fucking spaghetti in the morning you know whatever you gotta whatever you gotta fucking do if you gotta deliver papers in the fucking morning and all this other shit to do it

Speaker 1 I gotta do it And who knows? Maybe then you too can have fucking nine cell phone numbers and not want to get on the phone.

Speaker 1 Can you help me with that? Can you seriously help me with that?

Speaker 1 Can you just do that for me? Yes. I mean,

Speaker 1 I can get through half of it for you, but then eventually you'll be able to get it. I'll just be in the background and when they ask the questions.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I will help you do that because it's ridiculous that you're continuing to pay for that. That's that's but I also thought too because I thought I signed a contract on him.

Speaker 1 So I'm worried that I can't get that.

Speaker 1 There's always ways to negotiate your ways out of that like i'm i'm good at that stuff tell them that i died no i'm not gonna do that and that you're taking over the thing because then they'll feel bad no we're gonna we'll figure it out without telling anybody that you died okay well i'm i'm done for the fucking year as far as gigs you want to do that let's let's let's get rid of those other two Yeah, let's get into it.

Speaker 1 I want to see what my bill's going to do. Let's get rid of any like extra shit you're paying for because you don't want to deal.
Yeah, let's take care of that, please.

Speaker 1 No, I have a lot of shit like that. There's other things that I remember when I bought

Speaker 1 when I bought this laptop, I was just, they were like, do you want to take any classes or anything like that and blah blah and I signed up for all of them to

Speaker 1 like the Apple store? Classes? To like teach you how to fucking get better at this shit. Oh God, like you were ever actually going to do that.
Nope. Never even went once.

Speaker 1 Oh, did you tell, did you tell the listeners how you ordered like 20 of those adapters for your new iPhone 7?

Speaker 1 No, what I did was I was was so mad that I ordered five of them.

Speaker 1 And then they were just like, Yeah, it's going to be 10 business days. I was like, Fuck, I can't listen to my music for 10 days.
How am I going to get through my workout?

Speaker 1 And then the next day I went, I drove down to the Apple store, and then they had a bunch of them. So I said, Fuck it.
And I bought five there.

Speaker 1 And now when I came back, I got another five. So now I got 10 of them.

Speaker 1 This is what you married, Neil. It's a complete waste of money.
Again, it's not a complete waste of money. It's a waste of money.
All right. Well, good.

Speaker 1 Well, it's a good thing I got advertising here so I can fucking blow it on all my cell phone numbers and adapters. All right.
All right. You want to read some fucking questions here for the week?

Speaker 1 Remember when people would order

Speaker 1 your CD,

Speaker 1 people would order emotionally unavailable? Yep. And I would help you mail them out.
Yeah, we'd go right

Speaker 1 envelopes mailbox, et cetera. Yeah, we'd sit there and like

Speaker 1 fill out all the little padded envelopes and put them in there. And like you'd be doing like 20, 40 or something at a time.
We go down to mailboxes, et cetera. Like you did it all yourself.
Yep. Yeah.

Speaker 1 That was fun. It was fun.
That's what you got to do.

Speaker 1 All right. Here we go.
Website suggestions. Sorry about that, Nia.
I just realized this thing's really long. This podcast has been really long.
And you're sitting there reminiscing.

Speaker 1 I was like, yep, I enjoyed that. That was a wonderful moment that I had with you.
Moving on. It was in those moments that I knew I wanted to marry you.
All right. Is that true? Huh? Is that true?

Speaker 1 You You know what, Nia? Some shit I don't tell the listeners. I know when I was going to decide to marry you.
All right. Yeah.
And they're not going to hear when. That one's for us.
All right.

Speaker 1 Website suggestions. Oh, I said, you know, I always go to the same fucking five websites, and now that I've been kicked off Facebook, unless I give them my fucking passport number.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. This is the thing I'm telling you, Nia.
You always, you just walk. You fucking walk.
Did you talk about the whole fingerprint thing? Oh, when I bought the car?

Speaker 1 Yeah, when I bought my Jaguar, they asked me

Speaker 1 for a a thumbprint.

Speaker 1 A fingerprint. Why? Yeah.
Fuck. I almost left.

Speaker 1 Dealership. Ever.
He was so. I really wish you guys could have seen this guy's face when Bill told him no.
He was, he didn't know what to do.

Speaker 1 Like, he was really, his brain kind of broke for a minute because he was just like, oh,

Speaker 1 and you're like, yeah, I'm not giving it to him. Yeah.
What are they not going to sell me the car?

Speaker 1 Yeah, no, of course they're going to take it. But he was just so used to people being like, oh, okay, well, that's weird.
Okay, whatever. And just getting it over with.

Speaker 1 And you just kept being like, no, no, I'm not doing it. No, I said, I'm not, I'm not giving my fingerprints to a car dealership.
Yeah. He's like, no, no, no, it's for your security and this and that.

Speaker 1 And you're just like, I'm not doing it. And you were right.
There's like, there's no reason. No matter what they say about security, someone coming in pretending to be you.

Speaker 1 No, that's when I have fun with them. I go, look, if you can give me, if you can justify why I'm going to give you my thumbprint, I'll do it.

Speaker 1 And then they sit there and they say dumb shit like, well, okay, someone tries to impersonate you and buys the car.

Speaker 1 No. That's not going to fucking happen.
You dealt with like five different people at that dealership. They know who you are.
They're not gonna like, no. It's it's it's insane.

Speaker 1 No, even if I didn't do what I did for a fucking living, I still wouldn't worry about that. I'm not, you don't give your fucking fingerprints to a car dealership.
Yeah, people lie for a living.

Speaker 1 What are they gonna do with that thing? And then we met a woman who was like, oh yeah, they asked you that too. And she just did it because she was just like, okay, then there it is.

Speaker 1 That's what they asked for. And now it's out there.
And he's like,

Speaker 1 he was like, I've never had anybody

Speaker 1 say no to this. And what did you say?

Speaker 1 Oh, I say, you never met anybody like me before. I was just talking shit to make you laugh, though.
I saw you smile. It's very hard to get you to laugh, though.
I was just talking shit. I love that.

Speaker 1 I was actually very much. And usually when you get into like difficult BB mode and you are just like giving the other person like the hardest time.
I prefer to say I'm informed, but go ahead.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, when you're like unnecessarily giving somebody a hard time who's just trying to do their job and they're already tired of it. What take my fingerprints?

Speaker 1 No, like when you call up the time life people to order the easy listening set and you're so short and rude to them when they're just trying to like do their job. I

Speaker 1 find a fingerprint.

Speaker 1 That fucking asshole, I forget what he asked me for.

Speaker 1 They're always trying to upsell, yeah. No, no, no.
He was trying to get all this information out of me. Like all this extra information.
I'm like, you know, like just send me the goddamn CDs.

Speaker 1 Yeah, just send me the CDs. And the guy goes, well, I can't send you you the CDs unless you fucking, there was like some ridiculous thing, like my Social Security.

Speaker 1 They're all doing this because they're sharing the information. Yeah, they sell the information.
Yes. That's true.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and they don't give a fuck what they expose me to as far as identity theft. So I go, I'm not fucking doing it.
Then the guy goes, this conversation's over. I go, yeah, then it's over.

Speaker 1 Go fuck yourself. I hung up.
I was totally within.

Speaker 1 You always paint me out as a bad guy, Nia.

Speaker 1 My world, I'm always the victim. I'm always the victim.
That's certainly true. All right.
Website suggestions. Because I was always saying I always go to the exact same website.
All right, Reddit.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, no.

Speaker 1 They've also mentioned that you have a Reddit sub-page and would love for you to do an AMA someday. Ask me anything.
No. They've asked you to do that.
Yeah, I'm not fucking doing that.

Speaker 1 You can't ask me anything. Yeah.
I'm not fucking sitting there. Hey, you've always been a douchebag.
I'm going to fucking sit through that for two hours waiting for like one legitimate question.

Speaker 1 Yeah, no. Hey, Billy Red Balls.
Yeah, Bill's never gonna do an ask me anything.

Speaker 1 I'm not saying never, say never. If I got, if I got, like, maybe an F is for family, ask me anything, I'll do that.
I just don't understand. Like,

Speaker 1 I, I, I, I, they can just go very, you just have to

Speaker 1 know.

Speaker 1 I mean, or maybe you'll just have to ignore a lot of like bullshit. But at that point, once again, Nia, I'm walking by the front desk.

Speaker 1 You're not checking out. I'm not checking out.
I'm just fucking.

Speaker 1 And if that hurts my career, it hurts my career. I'm not fucking out.
I'm not going to ask genuine questions. Yes, they are.
Yes, they are. And those are few and far between.

Speaker 1 The world, Nia, the world has a sweaty hand and a really hot armpit. Right.

Speaker 1 I'd be very surprised.

Speaker 1 And they're going to put their hand around you when they go to take the picture, and you're going to feel their hand drying off into your shirt and your other shoulder heating up. Oh, jeez.

Speaker 1 That's what you're going to run into. And then all the cool people that you really want to talk to are going to be like, oh, I don't want to bother.
I don't want to bother this person. And they leave.

Speaker 1 Those are the people that you want to talk to. Yeah.
But if Netflix asked you to do it, would you do it?

Speaker 1 Do what? An AMA. Yeah, I mean, I'm in business with them.
If they think it's going to sell the show, you can't be a... That's a jerk-off move.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 To get in business with somebody and then not fucking promote it. I mean, look, if they wanted me to sit on like a dunkin stool.

Speaker 1 Oh, if I had, if you know what, if I could do like that guy, Drown the Clown. That guy I saw years ago on the Opian Anthony show.
We went to one of those metal fucking festivals and they had this guy.

Speaker 1 It was called Drown the Clown. And this dude just sat there giving people shit, right? And he'd make them so mad, it was like Bull Durham, and they couldn't fucking hit it.

Speaker 1 And he just had like that Krusty the Clown

Speaker 1 doing that laugh. And I remember, no, he would do the laugh.
He would give them shit and make fun of how stupid they were, and then they would miss. And he'd be like, Ah!

Speaker 1 And they'd be like, fucking grabbing three. And he just kept going, ah, ah,

Speaker 1 oh my god. It was so fucking obnoxious.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 like, he just really walked by. I was like, hey, look at the fat guy.
Look at the fat guy. Hey, Fatty.
You ever going to work out? You in the purple shirt. Yeah, you're fat.

Speaker 1 Doing that. And he would just piss him off.
I forget who I was with. No, Nia, I'm telling you.
I'm doing a bad impression of it because it was so long ago. Dude, I was fucking.

Speaker 1 I was, the combination of crying, laughing, and then also sitting, going like, is this the greatest street performer I've ever seen in my life? He was fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 Fucking amazing. I was actually, I was kind of jealous of the job.
Like, I was like, that's a fucking great job.

Speaker 1 Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 Rest his soul. Can you imagine Patrice in that job? Oh, my God.

Speaker 1 People wouldn't want to drown him just so they could hear what the fuck he was going to say. I was going to say, he'd be too good at it.
He'd be too good at it. Here we go.
Barstool Sports.

Speaker 1 Oh, Barstool Sports. I go to that one.

Speaker 1 Here's one.

Speaker 1 www.slashfilm.com, an easy-to-read, non-snarky movie website. Okay.
Tumblr.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, search for it. I thought that was a dating site.

Speaker 1 That's Tinder. Oh, I was going to say, I don't need that with all my cell phone numbers.
Oh, God.

Speaker 1 If you're into antique cars, you can follow accounts that post pictures of classics. I use this to follow music, photography, and arts.

Speaker 1 It's endless, and having the app on your phone is a more stimulating way of killing time instead of Twitter. Tumblr

Speaker 1 is a good one. I like Tumblr.
Okay, cool.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and by the way, I'm not the only one who's sick of the same 10 websites to go into. So, if anybody, you know, in the future, if you guys

Speaker 1 know, find some cool websites or whatever, let me know. I'll be a bunch of self-promotion here.

Speaker 1 What was the Kardashian thing?

Speaker 1 What?

Speaker 1 You know, for me.

Speaker 1 For me.com. I just feel like.
All right. Last, I was saying I was getting into punk rock, how I kind of missed that.

Speaker 1 And I've always wanted to get into it, but I just don't know where to go and who's good or whatever. And

Speaker 1 I was watching this rancid video that led me to watch one of the guitarists gave an interview, and he talked about this one band, which I already forget the name,

Speaker 1 something 69, and the front man blew me away. And I just don't know shit about punk rock.
It always sounded to me like I was joking. It sounds like angry karaoke.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 Where they weren't quite in tune, singing and shit. And I just read up on all of this stuff and it just interests me.
And so people have been telling me bands. Okay.
All right.

Speaker 1 Punk rock bands. Obviously The Clash, I've heard of them.
Operation Ivy, Dinosaur Jr., Dead Kennedy, Kings of Nothing, Leftover Crack, The Meteors.

Speaker 1 All right, well, you know something the Dead Kennedys I've listened to

Speaker 1 I'll have to check out you know Black Flag and all these bands like my my brother some of my brothers used to listen to this and i just couldn't get into it and now i'm i'm really finding that i'm liking it so i'm definitely going to check them out i'll definitely check out kings of nothing leftover crack and the meteors because i never heard of any of them i've heard of dinosaur jr i heard of them too I thought that they were more like

Speaker 1 a college band. Me too.
All right, Nashville. Maybe somebody's fucking with me.
Maybe that's...

Speaker 1 That'd be funny too, by the way. Donnie and Marie.
All right, Nashville. Hey there, Billy Benchmark.
I was at your 9.30 Nashville taping, and it was amazing.

Speaker 1 I remember every minute of it like it was a Super Bowl. Can't wait till it comes out.
When does it come out? Are you watching South Park this season? Go fuck yourself, buddy. Thank you.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the 9.30 show was fucking crazy. And I just hope it all comes together well.

Speaker 1 I've already looked at some of the pictures and shit, and I just, I fucking, I hate going through the editing process. You got to do it.
I got to do it. All right.
Applause or laughs.

Speaker 1 Are you watching South Park, they asked?

Speaker 1 My brother said it's been excellent this season.

Speaker 1 I know why you always tape The Simpsons. I love The Simpsons.
Can we tape South Park too? It's like the best social commentary for almost 20 years in a row. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 No, I mean, I should be watching it too. I completely, I forget about it.
Okay. All right.
Applause or laughs.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, I was watching one of your older specials because I fucked up and forgot to get tickets. To the one you filmed on Friday.

Speaker 1 By the way, congratulations. I can't wait to see it.
Thank you.

Speaker 1 Why is my stomach grumbling? I bought all this fucking, I ate all this. No, No, because we ate KFC.
Yeah, we ate shit food. I should not have.
No.

Speaker 1 Well, I ate so well up to the special. I kind of went off the rails this weekend.
But starting them off, I'm getting back into it. All right, on this particular special, why do I do this?

Speaker 1 I notice a lot of people in the crowd cheering versus laughing. So here's a simple question.
While on stage, what gives you a greater sense of accomplishment, laughs or applause?

Speaker 1 That's a really good question. Thanks.
And fuck those people who tell you to fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Well, laughs usually.

Speaker 1 That's a really interesting question.

Speaker 1 Well, the applause is an applause break. Usually a laugh goes into an applause.

Speaker 1 It's never like you just say something.

Speaker 1 If you just say something and nobody laughs and they just applaud, then you kind of made a statement and that's like the douche chill moment. Like,

Speaker 1 I mean, what they really need to be doing is spending more money on education. Right.

Speaker 1 That's applause. Yeah, if you're doing that during a comedy show,

Speaker 1 I don't tell you, that's a rough one, you know.

Speaker 1 So you'd rather laughter.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm much.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 I like when they're laughing. I will say that

Speaker 1 applause

Speaker 1 is great too, but sometimes during like a taping, then that's when it just,

Speaker 1 as a rookie, you'll feel weird. Like, oh my God, they're clapping.
And they're all overly amped up because they know they want you to have a good special. So they're clapping.

Speaker 1 And then you don't know what to do. But they'll always edit around it because they can make it shorter.
So, for the comics out there, don't worry about those moments.

Speaker 1 They can also, if you have a dumb look on your face, like

Speaker 1 please stop clapping so I can get to my next joke, they'll just go to a fucking master shot and they won't see that look on your face. And you'll be fine, you'll be fine.
Um,

Speaker 1 but yeah, I definitely like making people laugh to the point that they can't clap. That's what I would prefer.
Um,

Speaker 1 you know, I, of course, don't always do that, but uh, there are guys out there that I've seen, like, like It's hard for a Brian Regan-level funny guy

Speaker 1 when I would watch him live to

Speaker 1 for the crowd to even be able to applaud because they're laughing so hard. Yeah.
He's the first guy I ever saw made somebody slump over. Like there was an empty chair next to this lady.

Speaker 1 I think the other person fucking went.

Speaker 1 ran to the back of the room. He was killing so hard.
And

Speaker 1 the woman was just fucking. I like that kind of laugh where you like,

Speaker 1 you've seen when I laugh really hard and if I'm sitting down, I get up and I like run away because I'm laughing so hard. It's too much.
I love that kind of laugh.

Speaker 1 That's like that, that Apollo laughter. Because you know how like black people, like the Apollo, if they're laughing really hard, they're like freaking out.
Yes.

Speaker 1 And like getting out of their seat and just like waving towels and shit. Like, yeah, the whole thing.
And like hitting each other.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Like when we think something's funny, we think it's really fucking funny. Yeah.
And when you don't think it's funny, you really don't think it's funny. Yep, that's what I learned during those rooms.

Speaker 1 Black crowd's going to have fun with or without you. So you better get.

Speaker 1 Basically. Yeah.
They're either going to laugh with you or they're going to laugh at you. There's no pity laughter.
There's no pity applause. No, we don't do that.

Speaker 1 You better be funny.

Speaker 1 Oh, some of the fucking heckles I got in those rooms.

Speaker 1 The worst is when they would just be talking to each other about how not funny you were.

Speaker 1 I'll never forget just on stage, just bombing.

Speaker 1 It was just dead silence. And I just heard this woman in the middle of the crowd.
She just goes, she just looked around at everybody. She just goes, I ain't laughed yet.

Speaker 1 And I was just like, oh my God.

Speaker 1 Oh, God.

Speaker 1 Oh, and there was no, there was no.

Speaker 1 Oh, God, I love black audiences. There was no.
There was no much of fun. Because, yeah, there's no point in it.
Yeah, if you're in the crowd. If you're in the crowd.
No, of course. Yes.
I was

Speaker 1 on stage. It was so rough.
But it's so enjoyable to be a part of it. Because

Speaker 1 nobody cares about your feelings. Oh, not at all.
Not even, not even fucking remotely.

Speaker 1 Whenever I did a black show.

Speaker 1 No, just so like. It's hilarious.

Speaker 1 She's terrible for you. Dead.

Speaker 1 No, she was right, though.

Speaker 1 Whenever I did those shows, yeah, I always felt like in the end, whenever I did

Speaker 1 the uptown rooms, as they call it, you'd get off stage and you asked yourself one of two questions. One, why am I not world famous yet? Or two, what the fuck did I ever,

Speaker 1 why the fuck did I ever think I should even be in this business? Because it went one way or the other. You either murdered or you wanted to crawl out of there.

Speaker 1 Talent used to have this room, LeBar Bat, on the fucking Upper West Side.

Speaker 1 It was the afterwork black crowd, and it was every other fucking time, every other time I killed, every other time I fucking ate it.

Speaker 1 Oh, man, I saw them fucking

Speaker 1 Jimmy Mac, Uncle Jimmy Mac, rest his soul.

Speaker 1 I saw him one time. He was having a tough, he was having a tough set.
I think I bombed. It was just one of those fucking crowds.
You just weren't laughing that week. Every other week they'd laugh.

Speaker 1 Every other week they weren't. And he was having a tough set.

Speaker 1 And I just remember he was bombing so bad and this woman was heckling him so bad he had to bring up his career he started talking about his imdb yeah i've done and he goes uh he brought up how he did comic view or something like that and like he goes i don't give a shit it's like bitch i don't give a fuck you don't think i'm funny you know i got a career and she just went like uh i i can't remember how she said she said n-word what career and then just dressed him down

Speaker 1 I remember I had to go on after it and like, Jimmy was the man, right? He was the fucking man. And I'm just like, this guy's got 10 years on me.

Speaker 1 If he can't handle this fucking crowd, what's going to happen to me? And they would just,

Speaker 1 like, he got off, and then I went up. Talent went up.
And Talon had this tag

Speaker 1 where he would, the worst tag that Talent could say after you set was when he would go up. He'd be like, come on, y'all.
Comedy ain't easy. When he said that, you were the guy who bombed.

Speaker 1 It was just like, oh, fuck, right?

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 he already did

Speaker 1 for Jimmy. Come on, y'all, Comedy ain't easy, right? The only time I ever saw him have to do it for Jimmy, because

Speaker 1 he always killed. And then he brought me up that, oh, God, oh.

Speaker 1 Oh.

Speaker 1 I thought about that fucking show for like a month.

Speaker 1 I would just think of

Speaker 1 the shit that people said to me. I'd be in the shower thinking of it, and just it would pop into my head, and I'd do that thing-like trying to shout it out of my head.

Speaker 1 Here's the thing, though, Bill, because you always talk about how heckling is a part of stand-up comedy, right?

Speaker 1 Absolutely it is. But the thing is, though,

Speaker 1 I don't know. Maybe I just don't get it, but I just feel like

Speaker 1 you don't do that. You don't fucking heckle.
You let people go up and do their thing. And then that's it.
Like, you don't heckle people at a play.

Speaker 1 You don't have, well, I guess people do heckle people at. concerts and shit like that, sort of.
But for the most part, you don't. Why is it that stand-up

Speaker 1 awesome?

Speaker 1 It creates this environment where people really feel like they need to interact with you to that level because you're because you're standing there and you're you're not giving a speech you're talking to them okay so like i think it's that like your bands get heckled and all that i love hecklers

Speaker 1 i that that to me like but you're not but you don't want to encourage people to be heckling to a point of disruption no no like not not to that level but like

Speaker 1 Like those, those

Speaker 1 it's I don't know. It's it's I always thought it was it was the most terrifying thing when I started out.
Like, what am I gonna do? Because you knew it was gonna happen.

Speaker 1 What am I gonna do when I get heckled? What am I gonna say? And blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, what the fuck is going to happen? And, um,

Speaker 1 but watching seasoned vets handling it, handling hecklers was

Speaker 1 like this art form. It was an art form within the art form.

Speaker 1 So and you're really, you're really good at handling hecklers, but I can see why some stand-ups wouldn't, would want those people tossed from the place because they're disrupting the shit.

Speaker 1 And what you're going to spend,

Speaker 1 but it's always been that way.

Speaker 1 Richard Pryor got heckled. He was always fucked up by somebody in the world.
Richard Pryor got heckled in his own stand-up special.

Speaker 1 Okay, if he didn't whine about it, like I don't think anybody else should be.

Speaker 1 Okay, if

Speaker 1 the crowd's going to heckle him, like, what are you fucking special? Like,

Speaker 1 look, every comedian can run their shit the way that they want to run their shit. But, like, I look at it like I say a lot of fucked up things

Speaker 1 on stage that are going to make, you know, I always fucking give women shit. Like, are they really supposed to just sit there and not say anything?

Speaker 1 You know, when I go down south, I'm always talking, you know, I'm always fucking around.

Speaker 1 Going, you know, when you guys came here, you took a shit and you're out house and you came down here. At some point, somebody's going to

Speaker 1 obnoxious. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You definitely like to push people's buttons that way.

Speaker 1 That's for sure.

Speaker 1 Yeah, because

Speaker 1 that's what people did. You're a provocateur.
No, I'm not. It's just, it's breaking balls, and then they bust your balls back, and then it's funny.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I guess I understand that.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I do get annoyed when some people, like, they'll say, like, do they heckle at a Broadway play? It's like, dude, you're not doing, this isn't Broadway.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 All right, twinkle toes, go fucking put on your tap shoes and a cat suit and go do that. The way I look at it, though, you wouldn't, you wouldn't heckle a Broadway show.

Speaker 1 Why are you heckling a comedian? But you. Because you don't go to a Broadway show and somebody, hey, look at this fucking jerk off.
What do you do for a living?

Speaker 1 That's a good point. Yeah, they don't do that either, right?

Speaker 1 How long is this podcast? I don't want to be torturing people with. Oh, who gives a shit at this point? I got to read the rest of these things.
All right.

Speaker 1 Getting off heroin.

Speaker 1 Oh, by the way, you know, they will mention all those

Speaker 1 punk rock bands. I actually found a band that I thought was pretty cool because I was watching a YouTube video.
Let me see if I can remember this. This is, what did you call this kind of music, Nia?

Speaker 1 Trip hop. Trip hop.
Trip hop. I don't know what the fuck.
Mid to late 90s, early 2000s. Mid to late 90s.

Speaker 1 This is my college years. It was all about

Speaker 1 trip-hop and being

Speaker 1 the supreme beings of leisure. Super leisure.

Speaker 1 It was like them. It was like Porter's Head.
Wait, wait, wait. Wait, wait, wait.
You just finished that like you knew who the fuck they were. Now, I downloaded this.

Speaker 1 It was one of the few times you didn't know who they were. I did not know who they were.
And then you just, no, but you just chimed in like you knew.

Speaker 1 Because I'm trying to. Oh, Jesus Christ.
No, no, no. I know what you're doing.
You know, Massive Attack, though, right? Huh? No. You know, Porter's Head?

Speaker 1 I've heard of them, yes. What about sneaker pimps? Yep.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 Was there a reason for any of that? I was just saying

Speaker 1 they all sort of like lived in that same kind of

Speaker 1 trip hoppy, electronica.

Speaker 1 All right, let's see what I've downloaded recently. Supreme Beings of Leisure.

Speaker 1 Leisure. Oh, I pre-ordered The Pretenders new one alone.
She's got Jim

Speaker 1 on drums. The fucking album sounds crazy, man.
Leonard Cohen has a new album, and I was listening to some of the songs, and I really, I love Leonard Cohen, though. Well, if you're 52 years old.

Speaker 1 If you're a Pretenders fan, this is a fucking great album. I was listening to that shit when I was getting you chicken.

Speaker 1 I downloaded Rancid.

Speaker 1 Do the Pretenders sing the themed song to friends? Green Day. Is that them? I thought I downloaded.
Oh, it didn't fucking transfer. And then I downloaded that fucking punk band.
Wait, Bill.

Speaker 1 Oh, you know what I downloaded? Because I was working with T-Rex, Todd Rex.

Speaker 1 We were laughing about that song, Dream Weaver, and we were singing it.

Speaker 1 So, no, that's Dream On. Oh.

Speaker 1 You know this song, right? Am I going to have to pay for this?

Speaker 1 You know, this. I just closed

Speaker 1 my eyes today.

Speaker 1 This fucking song, after you did your

Speaker 1 this is the shit like after your day's done, the thing you didn't want to do and you finally fucking got through it, Right?

Speaker 1 You take your drug of choice, you get behind the wheel of your car.

Speaker 1 I'm joking. You don't do that.
This is, he's so intense here. Jesus fucking Christ.

Speaker 1 I've just closed

Speaker 1 my eyes.

Speaker 1 I've heard this song a million times. I don't know the words.

Speaker 1 You know the deal. And then it kicks the fucking drums.
Can we come in, right? Wait.

Speaker 1 Did the pretender sing the

Speaker 1 theme song to friends? Was that them?

Speaker 1 Who was that? What?

Speaker 1 Who was... Wasn't it a kind of a...
No.

Speaker 1 All right. I don't know.
The pretender. Do Chrissy Hines is

Speaker 1 a fucking... What do you think that is? If Keith Richards was a chick.

Speaker 1 Never mind.

Speaker 1 How dare you? Chrissy lives in her own lane, though. I mean, she did model herself after like rock stars, of course, but like she exists in her own space.

Speaker 1 That was a nice recovery after you suggested that she did the fucking friends.

Speaker 1 Didn't she do like third rock from the side? I didn't realize that that was her band. All right.

Speaker 1 Well, you're, you're almost a millennial. That's like, that's the new excuse for older people.
I'm fucking with you. All right.

Speaker 1 Let's get through here. Getting off heroin.
Oh, here's a good one.

Speaker 1 Hi, Bill. Just wanted to say thank you.
Your podcast is a big reason that I am finally having some success in getting off the dope. Thanks.
P.S. Brotherhood slash TV series equals fantastic.

Speaker 1 Well, that's great, man. I don't know what I'm doing to help you get off dope, but if you listen to this helps you,

Speaker 1 please keep doing it. I told you I met a kid.
You know what it is? Because now he doesn't have to take dope because he listens to one. Hey, hey, I'll be here all week.

Speaker 1 I told you I met this kid that told me that he was in recovery and that you listen to your comedy and stuff really helped him get him through because he was having really dark days.

Speaker 1 And so to be able to laugh was really helpful. I thought that was amazing it is

Speaker 1 not necessarily funny

Speaker 1 but we'll continue on yeah i got like three movies i gotta fucking read well why don't you just save them for thursday lady because you know what oh great great teas great that you brought that up fucking um

Speaker 1 uh guess who i'm having as a guest who joe rogan oh is he gonna bring some elk burgers elk meat Finally making his first appearance. His first appearance.

Speaker 1 He'll be on the Thursday afternoon, just before Friday, Monday morning podcast. All right, lady in law school.
All right, Nini, maybe this is for you. What's up, Billy Butterballs?

Speaker 1 I'm 27 and a fellow Hockamock alum. I just moved down to CT from

Speaker 1 Connecticut, okay, from Boston for law school. There's this girl who I hit it off with right away.
She's beautiful and we really click. I found out she had a boyfriend about

Speaker 1 two weeks into school, oh, about two weeks into school, and backed off. But there was little, still little subtle hints that she was into me.

Speaker 1 Fast forward to our school Halloween party, mid-October, she gets hammered and tells me to man up and make a move.

Speaker 1 Me, being the sober guy that I am, denied her advances because she's still in a relationship. The following day, she breaks up with the boyfriend, and we ended up making out a couple days later.

Speaker 1 She soberly confesses her feelings for me, to which I affirm my own. This is going good, right? This is all quality.
Everything was above board.

Speaker 1 Literally two days later, she tells me she doesn't want anything romantically and needs to focus on herself.

Speaker 1 No disrespect to the ladies, but I've been through this shit before where a newly single girl flip-flops with their feelings. I think everybody flip-flops when they're newly single.

Speaker 1 My question is, what should I do? I feel like an idiot for telling her how I feel and then getting rejected. You shouldn't.
You shouldn't feel. Yeah, you were a man.
You said how you feel. Exactly.

Speaker 1 And you were very respectful of those relationship boundaries. So I don't think you've done anything wrong here.

Speaker 1 He said, on the one hand, I want to say fuck her, but on the other hand, I want to remain friends. I also literally can't avoid her.

Speaker 1 If you're ever in New Haven, check out The Owl. It's a solid cigar bar.
Looking forward to all your new material coming out. Thanks and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 I like this guy. Yeah, here's the deal, dude.

Speaker 1 It's going to take way too much energy to fucking sit there and try and not to look at her. and all of that shit.
So just, you know, you said what you fucking felt about her.

Speaker 1 she's not in that place in her life, so you know, that's where she's at. You were both honest, just leave it at that.
When you see it, you say, Hey, how are you? How are you doing?

Speaker 1 I mean, just keep it at that. How was your weekend? Oh, that's great.
Just keep it like that.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 keep it light, but don't get sucked into the because who knows? Like, she might try to suck you into the whole thing. Of course, she's going to.

Speaker 1 She feels lonely this weekend. Of course, she's going to.

Speaker 1 Let's make out, oh my God, too much back and forth. Like, you, it's a slippery slope.

Speaker 1 So, don't get sucked back into it so be cool don't like ignore her don't be weird but don't let yeah but you know how women are not going to be don't try to be friends with this girl and the more he fucking stays though don't try to be friends with her the more friendly the more he fucking does that though the more she's gonna fucking want him though that's how it works if he's just if he's just like look I respected what you said the other day.

Speaker 1 I feel like you're in a very highly emotional state where you're going to be flip-flopping and I have to protect myself. So no, I'm busy.

Speaker 1 You know, I definitely want to be friends with you, but let's just leave it at that. That will fucking drive her nuts.
Of course.

Speaker 1 And if she keeps saying no, she'll end up blowing somebody else in that class just to get back at him.

Speaker 1 Well, love her. That's what I'm saying.
Let her spiral and curb, you know.

Speaker 1 I probably shouldn't have said that last shit. I'm just fucking her.
I'm trying to be funny. But no, dude.
Okay, you went in. Look at all her.
You got. Two seconds into knowing that chick.

Speaker 1 You want to fucking know her for four seconds? You want to keep coming back?

Speaker 1 I would just stay friendly with her her and i would leave it at that friendly but not friends there's a difference you don't need to be that sounds like an opra book friendly but not friends

Speaker 1 because that's how you get yourself friend zoned as a as a male or a female doing that thing where like oh but we're still friends no we're really good friends and we're actually like really good friends it's like no if someone has feelings and someone doesn't or someone has feelings and someone's flip-flopping you can't be friends only with that person because it's uneven A friendship is when two people have mutual respect for each other and you're on the same wavelength.

Speaker 1 You can't fully be friends if one is always pining for the other. That shit just doesn't work.
So like at this time in her life,

Speaker 1 he can't be friends with her. Friendly, what's up? How are you doing? How was your weekend? Great.
Boom. Moving on.
That's it.

Speaker 1 He wants to fuck her. That's the problem.
Yeah.

Speaker 1 We'll let him deal with all of that shit. You know, we just give out information.
Neither one of us are professionals. You want to listen to it.
Not at all. All right.
Killing it at warehouse job.

Speaker 1 Hey, Bill, a while back you talked about working at your old warehouse job and going in every day and killing it. Well, it inspired me to seek out one of those jobs.

Speaker 1 And I've been at this job for about a month and a half. Let me tell you, I fucking love it.

Speaker 1 The physical work is great, unloading trucks and taking big pallets of products and stocking them in the back room. I fucking love that job, man.
I love that job.

Speaker 1 I've been doing so, and the truck drivers are fucking hilarious. There's so many like artists and shit that work in warehouses.

Speaker 1 Like there's there's so many people that played in bands and were just funny. It was fucking great.
All the suits in the carpet area. It was terrible.

Speaker 1 Anyways, he says, I've been doing so well that one of the leaders told me that my boss was bragging about me in a meeting with the corporate headquarters.

Speaker 1 They even support me in my music and concert photography career as well. I told you, it's always artists out there.

Speaker 1 He said, I photographed Metallica up close and personal here in Minneapolis in August. I worked my way up to getting 40 hours a week, and I'm loving the progress.

Speaker 1 Now, my question is, when do you think it's an appropriate time to ask for a raise or ask about benefits?

Speaker 1 I've only been there a short time, but I think I proved myself valuable to the company and want to move forward as quick as I can. I would like to hear your thoughts.
Thank you for the inspiration.

Speaker 1 Well, it seems to me that you got this other fucking thing that seems like a way better job. If you're taking pictures of Metallica, isn't that the direction you want to go in?

Speaker 1 I mean, I would use this day job as a way to keep yourself afloat financially until you get your photography business to a level where you can do that full-time and not need to worry about anything else.

Speaker 1 But either way, no matter what you want to do with your life, you don't kill it for a month and then be like, hey, all right, I did something for you. Can I do something for me?

Speaker 1 I was going to say, I mean, not to be cynical, but I'm sure they love you now.

Speaker 1 But as soon as you ask for more money, I think that's shit's going to flip on you real quick. Yeah, you got to be there.
Be careful. They're not your friends.
Wait.

Speaker 1 What it is, is, you know, you got to figure out when the review is. Yeah.
Some places have a six months, some have a year. That's when you ask.
You don't dictate your own,

Speaker 1 like, this guy's acting like he was like a fucking one-month free agent.

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't, don't mistake their like encouragement for them wanting you to now like, and while we're at it, let's give this kid like $10 more an hour. Like, eh.

Speaker 1 Yeah, but that is going to, they'll probably be like, maybe we can move this guy up for a position or something like that.

Speaker 1 So it's all good that they're saying that stuff but yeah yeah for sure yeah i wouldn't definitely positive but just i don't know all right breastfeeding

Speaker 1 breastfeeding in public dear ah yes dear billy crimson tits

Speaker 1 let me see this

Speaker 1 is why i don't do ask me anything because this is all it's going to be there are so many billy like when you were on the simpsons someone wrote oh billy yellow nips is going to be fun

Speaker 1 uh let me say congrats i like it i think it's funny let me say congrats on the pats having early season success I am from the Bay Area, and we are hoping the Giants get into the playoffs again to win their fourth even-yeared World Series in a row.

Speaker 1 The Bay Area, oh, the Giants, the, okay, I see the baseball.

Speaker 1 Well, this is an old one. They're knocked out of the playoffs.
Recently, I was traveling through Colombia with my girlfriend.

Speaker 1 We were in the airport when we randomly saw a woman breastfeeding her baby just out in the open in one of the terminal waiting areas.

Speaker 1 What was weird is as she was doing it, she was looking around, making eye contact with everyone who was walking by

Speaker 1 the way a dog looks around a park while it unloads a dump.

Speaker 1 My initial reaction was saying to my girlfriend, oh man, that's gross. She is breastfeeding.
Apparently, this opened the floodgates of feminism. My girlfriend responded, why is that gross?

Speaker 1 That's hypocritical. You men love to see boobs, but when it's for you, when it's for nature's purpose, you complain.

Speaker 1 I then responded, well, the ass purpose is to shit, and men are turned on by a nice ass. Are women now going to start taking dumps publicly since that is the butt's primary purpose?

Speaker 1 That's a great fucking point. No, it isn't.
Yeah, it is. It's not the same at all.

Speaker 1 What are you talking about?

Speaker 1 Shitting in public... cannot be compared to breastfeeding in public.
They are not the same thing at all.

Speaker 1 That is what's called a false equivalency.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 It's both, you're excreting something from your body, and people don't want to look at it.

Speaker 1 She responded that there is an obvious difference. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Since then, my girlfriend has been sending me all these pro-public breastfeeding videos of moms defending the action.

Speaker 1 I find it amusing how women all defend it and encourage it, but they know how creepy it is, so most of them won't actually publicly breastfeed with their own kids.

Speaker 1 I explained to my girlfriend that it isn't the rack sighting that annoys us, obviously, since most of us guys enjoy a nice set.

Speaker 1 It's more just the public nature of witnessing a baby drink its dinner off its mother's udders. Yeah.

Speaker 1 He goes, I felt like a chump because I was having trouble explaining why it's not okay to publicly breastfeed. No, it's okay to do it, but like you have the right to look at it and be grossed out.

Speaker 1 Could use some ammo in this argument, and I'm interested in hearing my favorite

Speaker 1 comedian rant about this subject. I have a feeling

Speaker 1 you just can't have a difference of opinion. Hey, can you be an adult? Can you be an adult and let me finish reading this? He's got to put it like he needs ammo in this thing.

Speaker 1 Like, you just fucking disagree. It's fine.
Are you done? Can I have some ammo so I can slap my girlfriend upside the head with some facts, man? Some male facts. Oh, yeah, as opposed to what?

Speaker 1 Female facts? Yeah, we're the ones doing it.

Speaker 1 And let me just, I'm just, no, I'm just going to come. Can I just finish the fucking thing? No.
Okay. I'm going to say right now, okay?

Speaker 1 Just because you have found that there are most women who wouldn't just whip it out and breastfeed in public. And it's the same.
A lot of women I know wouldn't feel comfortable doing.

Speaker 1 I wouldn't feel comfortable doing it. I would want to cover myself up.
But if a woman is not covered up, I support her right in doing that.

Speaker 1 So just because we wouldn't do it ourselves personally doesn't mean that we're not going to want it for other people. Shit happens.
That kid's hungry.

Speaker 1 You don't always have your scarf or your cover-up or whatever. And this kid is screaming and crying and you're stressed out.

Speaker 1 Here, put a tit in its mouth and so it'll, it'll be quiet and be fed and move on. It's not that big of a deal.
You can avert your eyes and keep it moving.

Speaker 1 What is the problem? No, I'm just saying it's fucking, it's weird to look at. It is a little off-putting to be like, oh shit, she's breastfeeding.
But like, move on, get over it.

Speaker 1 It's literally a second of your life. But that's what the

Speaker 1 move on. That's what he thinks.
He doesn't need ammo. So then why is he writing? Hey, hey, take your voice down,

Speaker 1 Nia. Take your voice down.

Speaker 1 Don't act like me.

Speaker 1 In order to come back to his girlfriend with, you know, these, what, these pearls of wisdom? Because no, because he's young and he thinks he's actually going to change your fucking mind.

Speaker 1 Like, cause he should have just said, hey, fair enough. Agree to disagree.

Speaker 1 Look, all he did was he fucking looked at it and he had the natural, his natural fucking reaction, which, of course, feminists are going to say, no, man, that's not the natural reaction that was put into you by the fucking males that run society, but boo-boo-boo-boo and all that fucking shit.

Speaker 1 Like, there's shit that guys do in public, I am sure, that is totally fucking legal, that is disgusting.

Speaker 1 Like, when you're adjusting your balls. Yeah.
Do men even realize when they're doing it? Like, sometimes they're just having a conversation with you and they they just like tug on their balls.

Speaker 1 Some men know more than others, some don't.

Speaker 1 Some, you know, more than others.

Speaker 1 But like, here's my thing: you know, if they're going to sit there and talk about man spreading, like the way we sit on trains, but you can fucking whip your titty out and we're supposed to be like, hey, you know, blah, blah, blah.

Speaker 1 We can't have a comment on that. You guys are just so fucking...

Speaker 1 And when I say you guys, I mean feminist. Like you guys are just so fucking like looking at shit just one fucking way that it's, it's, I don't know.
Like it, it gets,

Speaker 1 you're doing that classic fucking thing where it starts off, it's a good cause, and then by the end of it, you come out the other side.

Speaker 1 You're not a hundred percent what the fuck you were fighting, but you have all, like a lot of the same

Speaker 1 elements of shouting people down, not wanting to hear the rest of the fucking guy's stuff.

Speaker 1 You know, you want to be listened to, but this guy here is just being honest to how he feels, and it makes you feel a certain type of way, however the fuck you say it.

Speaker 1 And then you fucking shout it down.

Speaker 1 All right, fair enough. Yeah, thank you.
Fair enough. And you're right.

Speaker 1 I did shout it down and i did like cut it off because i was annoyed by it but i think what it is is that there is just this this feeling of such like

Speaker 1 i i don't know i feel like the reaction is disproportionate to what they are reacting to i feel like a child

Speaker 1 you know being fed from its mother, which is a very natural thing, and the reaction that some men have to it is so disproportionate. It's like, it's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 What is the reaction?

Speaker 1 The reaction is that he's comparing it to shitting in public. That to me is disproportionate to a child feeding off its mother.
Really? You think it's like shit? To me,

Speaker 1 no, he doesn't. That was a clever fucking comeback to what she said.

Speaker 1 It's not that clever. It's fucking hilarious.
It's dumb.

Speaker 1 That just means you don't have a good comeback for it. Come on.
You guys. hey, you know what?

Speaker 1 I'll tell you, nothing like a fucking feminist to come along and take the suck the laughter out of the room.

Speaker 1 He was the one asking for ammo about how to deal with this fact that, like, I, listen, his, yeah, his girlfriend probably, when she Jesus Christ, Nia, we did another hour since I turned this fucking thing on.

Speaker 1 This is like a fucking two-hour podcast. This is like the longest one ever.
Oh, no, that's not good. That's too long, right? People don't want it to be that long.
Yeah, it's probably too long.

Speaker 1 Anyways, Nia,

Speaker 1 Nia, at the end of the day, okay,

Speaker 1 you know, people have a right to fucking react. They certainly do.
They do. Like they look at something, they're like, ugh, okay.
The same fucking, like, you're not allowed, you know, with

Speaker 1 all of that type of shit that falls on the other side of the fence, you're not allowed to have your natural reaction to it.

Speaker 1 It's automatically considered that there's something fucking wrong with you and something like that. Dude, there's a lot of fucking, like, here's another thing, too.

Speaker 1 Like, there's also, there's also like, but there's also like teenage kids walking around and all of that type of shit and you're whipping your fucking titty up you can't walk around topless

Speaker 1 it's considered indecent exposure in this country right okay there's kids walking around blah blah blah blah you're pulling out a fucking titty and then you take a little mini me of you and you stick it on the end of it i mean yeah this there's something like very alien about it but i'm not saying

Speaker 1 which is weird i know but the thing is and we have a right to feel that way i'm not saying we're right in the world but nobody says shit on Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras, and that's not as natural as it is to feed a child.

Speaker 1 Not to me. What do you mean nobody says shit? Nobody says shit on Bourbon Street at Mardi Gras when girls are flashing their tits for some like two-cent plastic beads made in China.

Speaker 1 Then it's all good. Then it's like shots for everybody.
No, but that's watching. It's like someone's feeding their children at the bottom.
Yeah, but that's not legal.

Speaker 1 It's not legal. But you don't see men being like, can you believe the way she just like they're into it?

Speaker 1 But a woman is feeding her child at the airport and all of a sudden it's like shitting in public? No, because all of a sudden

Speaker 1 I can't even fucking give, I got such a great example, but I can't fucking say it. Why not?

Speaker 1 Nia, you're looking at the breast and when they're just shaking their tits or whatever, it's like, yeah, okay. And then all of a sudden there's a baby

Speaker 1 eating off of it. It's like, whoa, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 To people who don't have babies.

Speaker 1 It's weird. It freaks you out.
Like, oh, yeah, that's right. They also do that.
And it's also kind of fucking weird. You're just sitting there eating a sandwich

Speaker 1 and then you look down the thing. I know, Nia.
I know. The whole fucking world needs to just be like, oh, okay.
Fuck all our feelings. Like, that's how this feminist shit is going, where it's just

Speaker 1 your guy's side is 100% right. The way you see shit is 100% right.
And a lot of times, most of the shit you're bitching about, guys had wrong, and I agree with it.

Speaker 1 But this whole fucking thing that men cannot have fucking opinions, you guys can tell us how to sit down on a fucking subway, but we can't have a fucking reaction to... it.

Speaker 1 Look, I don't give a fuck if a woman breastfeeds. I don't.

Speaker 1 But, like, when I see some guy who has a reaction to it, and then he gets yelled at like he wants women not to be able to vote anymore, I just think it's a bit of a fucking overreaction.

Speaker 1 I just think that it's interesting that there are certain men who are more comfortable with seeing breasts sexualized than they are for what they are.

Speaker 1 Stop saying sexualized like they're being exploited.

Speaker 1 They are more accepting of seeing a woman's breasts being used in a sexual manner than they are for like the purpose of what breasts are for, which is like basically to feed children.

Speaker 1 That's not all they're for. Because otherwise they're just

Speaker 1 like fats, like fat deposits. No, that's not all they're for.
What do you mean that's not all they're for?

Speaker 1 It's for the survival of mankind in that nice Iraq attracted a fucking male and he comes over and he bangs you. And then when you guys die, there's still other people.

Speaker 1 There's also that.

Speaker 1 So, in other words, for like procreation, listen, this there's no way to win this fucking argument because women want to be attractive, you want attention,

Speaker 1 but you want it when you want it, you want it, how you want it, and guys have to know exactly when that is or and when it isn't.

Speaker 1 And if they don't, if they don't fucking guess right, it's like the end of a Tom Cruise movie when he's trying to clip which fucking wire, one's gonna blow it up, the other isn't.

Speaker 1 And if you don't 100% know when that fucking thing is, then you are like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what. You're the worst fucking person on the planet.

Speaker 1 So what are you saying?

Speaker 1 Just shut up and take it, however you get it? No, that's not what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 Why do you have to go to that level of extreme?

Speaker 1 And your Tom Cruise analogy, like the red wire, the blue wire on stream? No, I'm saying it's just like no matter what the fuck we do,

Speaker 1 we're wrong.

Speaker 1 It's like you want to fucking put on a fucking push-up bra and have your tits in everybody's fucking face. So, wow,

Speaker 1 ladies, we're not paying for drinks tonight, right?

Speaker 1 Your fucking little skirt barely covering your fucking hoo-ha,

Speaker 1 okay?

Speaker 1 And then all of a sudden, in a blink of a fucking eye, is what the fuck are you looking at? I'm talking about that shit. And you know that shit.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 I know what you're saying, but I don't know what that has to do with breastfeeding and any of that kind of stuff.

Speaker 1 Because that's not what we're talking about. Well, you let it into the whole thing like you know you you you look at like sexualized breasts we're all it always comes steering around to somehow

Speaker 1 more acceptable for some child being fed off of like the breast and i don't understand why that is why that's more comfortable because you're not a man to be to be like because you're not a man well then fine maybe that's what it is but like you that's something that i feel like people need to get over i would not breastfeed in public without being covered but if a woman needs to do it i get it and it shouldn't i think people can just think what they think i think people can just think what they think i think okay i don't feel that the way i look at shit

Speaker 1 the the way that they think and progress a little bit that's how we get to find a little bit more understanding between the sexes so we don't have this yeah but you know how that works every year it's you know how that works argument like we're not getting anywhere i don't understand all right but you know how because you know how that works that progression thing works the only way there's progression in it is if men see the world the way women want them to see the world that that is the so-called progression between the sexes right now.

Speaker 1 That's what's fucking annoying because all of my shit is just considered ignorant and not valid, and I'm a caveman, and all of your shit is applause break talk show shit.

Speaker 1 100%.

Speaker 1 And women can literally do exactly to men what the fuck they don't want done to them in different ways.

Speaker 1 And it's just, and it always, if a guy gets completely fucked over by a woman, what do they say? Well, he picked her. Shouldn't have married her.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 1 You guys aren't necessarily held accountable for your actions when you pick a bad dude.

Speaker 1 If you pick a bad guy and he's a fucking piece of shit, then it's, you know, not only not your fault, it's the guy's fault. And it's all men's.

Speaker 1 Then all men have to sit down and listen to a fucking lecture or read a sign on a fucking subway. Like we're all walking around dragging women down the street by the fucking hair.

Speaker 1 But there's no signs on the subway or anywhere else about the fucked up behavior that a lot of women display with men. Okay.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 I can accept that. Okay, so that's all I'm saying.
So this is another fucking thing where it's like

Speaker 1 your guys' reaction literally to how men sit on the fucking subway is 100% validated. I can't be like, listen, I got balls.
I don't want to smash them between my thighs. Fucking get over it.

Speaker 1 I don't have that option

Speaker 1 you can be like well fuck you I gotta breastfeed my kid get over it the way you look at it is fucked up but our whole shit is we have to be like oh really is this is this is this issue 9863 of this fucking month that bothers you like you like you guys are these faultless fucking human beings like I said in here most of that feminist shit I fucking agree with it but like it's just Every fucking day now,

Speaker 1 every day now, there's some new fucking thing. It's a fucking lecture.
It's seeped into the comedy clubs. Everything is just so fucking precious now.
It's stupid. Well, I know.

Speaker 1 Political correctness is like across the board is like can be

Speaker 1 the enemy of like creativity and stuff like that. I definitely agree with that.
It's childish. But I just feel like when it comes, I just

Speaker 1 want to say that. Yeah, political correctness

Speaker 1 is yet another thing. Its heart was in the right place, but it solves absolutely nothing.
No, I understand that.

Speaker 1 All you did was you gave truly horrible people a roadmap of words where they can navigate from one side of the river to the other and still have their fucking job.

Speaker 1 But what's in their heart is still in their fucking heart. But they can say Native American, African American,

Speaker 1 whatever the fuck you're supposed to say.

Speaker 1 Post-person, milk person.

Speaker 1 It's just fucking annoying to be like, hey, give me some ammo so I can tell my girlfriend why women shouldn't breastfeed in public. Like, that just sounds like some ignorant shit to me.

Speaker 1 It sounds to me like he's losing the argument and she's probably affecting the mood of the fucking.

Speaker 1 He's too dumb to just let it go because he's young. That's what he's doing.
And I imagine right now that she's probably using sex, the lack of sex or whatever, to now punish him.

Speaker 1 And now he's walking around like a fucking little puppy that got slapped on the snout with a fucking newspaper. Like a lot of guys in relationships.

Speaker 1 People that are just modest about that kind of stuff. I had a friend over not too long ago, and she brought her six-month-old with her and she had to breastfeed him.

Speaker 1 And when he was off the thing, you know, when he would drink some and then he'd be sort of like looking around, she was like covering her boob and it was just her and I in there.

Speaker 1 And there was a part of me that wanted to be like, you don't have to like cover your breasts in front of me, but that was a natural thing.

Speaker 1 I'm not arguing his thing. I don't give a shit if women breastfeed in public.
Yeah. I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 I'm just saying that there are women who are, and I'm sure the reason why she was looking looking around like, you know, a dog taking a shit is because she's thinking, oh God, who's going to judge me?

Speaker 1 Who's going to judge me? When she should, in an ideal, perfect world, just be there with her baby. What if she gets off on it?

Speaker 1 Why is she a saint this? See how you just said that? Oh my God. Oh my God's going to judge me.
She lives in Carlos. No, because

Speaker 1 he was saying that she was looking around.

Speaker 1 She lives in Colombia.

Speaker 1 She lives in Colombia. Who knows what the culture is down there, what the opinion is? I don't know shit about Colombia, do you? No.

Speaker 1 Yeah, would you watch Narcos and all of a sudden you know what these fucking people are thinking? No, I I don't. I would never try to speak for Columbians.
I have no fucking idea what they think.

Speaker 1 It just might not be that,

Speaker 1 might be totally fucking normal. It isn't.
And she was just people watching, or she might have been a freak and she was trying to see if anybody, you know, she's a little exhibitionist.

Speaker 1 Who knows what the fuck she was thinking? She was probably like, oh, Jesus Christ, for people looking at me like I'm crazy because I'm breastfeeding without a cover.

Speaker 1 She's probably really like having some sort of anxiety about it, I bet.

Speaker 1 It's probably socially acceptable. That's what what I would guess.
So she's just fucking looking around going, okay, okay. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Right. She's just looking around like normal.

Speaker 1 She wasn't thinking anything.

Speaker 1 Yeah, we got to end this fucking thing. This is like two podcasts.
All right. Sorry, guys.
I know this was really long, but we hadn't seen each other for a while. We like to talk.
All right.

Speaker 1 That's right. Go fuck yourselves.
I'll see you on Thursday.

Speaker 3 What's up, everybody, and welcome back to the Anything Better podcast show, NFL Edition, going into week number. Oh, my God.
Is this week number? We're going into week number eight.

Speaker 3 Is that right, Andrew? Is that right? We're going into week number eight.

Speaker 3 Yes, we're going into week number eight. That's what it is.

Speaker 3 Holy shit. Guys, as you could see, I am not sitting here with my partner, Bill Burr, on the show, because Bill is in Paris, France.
But don't worry. because

Speaker 3 Bill's picks will be on the show. You'll even see and hear from Bill from Paris, France on the show.
It's just he can't be with us today.

Speaker 3 But we have a great show.

Speaker 3 Of course, we got the injury report. We got Jake the Snake here.
We got the Greek freak, aka the Beverly Hills kid, Andrew Themlis is here.

Speaker 3 But first, before we get into this week's show, we have to shout out our sponsor. It's the Bet MGM sponsor, everybody.
Bet MGM is offering $1,500

Speaker 3 in bets to get your season going. going.

Speaker 3 How do you get this offer? It's four easy steps. You download the Bet MGM Sportsbook app to your device and you use the code, R code.
It's B-U-R-R. That's Burr.
Very simple.

Speaker 3 You sign up and you deposit at least $10

Speaker 3 into your BetMGM account.

Speaker 3 Jesus, of course.

Speaker 3 I'm going to start that part over. You sign up.
These people are trying to sell me fucking solar panels and I led them on. This is what happened.
These people tried to sell me solar panels.

Speaker 3 I led them on and going, oh, yeah, I know. Well, I could save 50%.
And then they fucking, a guy keeps calling every day around this time. So I'm sorry.
Anyway, let's get back to the sponsor.

Speaker 3 You sign up, you deposit at least $10 into the Bet MGM Sportsbook account. Place your first wager and receive up to $1,500 back in bonus bets.

Speaker 3 If the bet loses, if the bet does lose, your bonus bets will be available once the initial wager is settled. We also have the first touchdown offer, which is simply, which is still going on.

Speaker 3 It's simply place your prop bet on the player to score the first touchdown in any NFL game.

Speaker 3 If that player does not score the first touchdown in any game, but in fact scores the second touchdown in any game, you'll get your stake back in cash. There you go, guys.
All right. So here we are.

Speaker 3 Andrew Demlis is here. And

Speaker 3 we're going to get into these picks. We have to talk about this week, though.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 We have to talk about this week because everybody was telling me the Buccaneers were going to beat the Ravens.

Speaker 3 and i said not so fast i didn't take the ravens but i was like let's not get crazy and i think the ravens have now become one of the teams one of the two teams that i think can take out the chiefs in the afc i don't know i also want to apologize uh

Speaker 3 not apologize listen it's my show i don't apologize to anybody but i also want to tell people

Speaker 3 um

Speaker 3 i was wrong about the Eagles.

Speaker 3 I still don't know if the Eagles are at the level, the eagles are not at the level of the lions and those teams but i said that the eagles weren't that good and you know what they went into my new york giants uh met life stadium and they absolutely put a beat down on them okay

Speaker 3 uh saquan barkley had the game that giants fans had nightmares about he actually had that game very hard to watch very hard to accept i don't hate the guy i understand what happened but dude it was really tough to watch the kid run for 176 a touchdown he could have even went for more they benched him late in the game because it was just done uh horrible their defense looked good our offensive line looked terrible so i was wrong about that uh also the jets i thought the jets were gonna

Speaker 3 you know i thought it was time Devontae Adams, Aaron Rodgers, still not playing great.

Speaker 3 So I was wrong about those two.

Speaker 3 And the other one that I do have to say is is the Steelers.

Speaker 3 I said it was the only thing they had was the coach. You know what? They had the defense.

Speaker 3 And,

Speaker 3 you know, so look, I'm glad I didn't. I'm glad I only touched one of those.
Actually, no, I touched both of those games and those are my two losses.

Speaker 3 And in fact, it would have been my fourth week in a row. I know it would have, coulda, should have.
It would have been my fourth week in a row, three and one. And instead, the Jets go into Pittsburgh.

Speaker 3 They lose. And I end up going two and two, which is not a losing record by any stretch.
I believe now I am 13-15, two games back. I do not know what Bill did.
We will get into that.

Speaker 3 But there's a lot of cool stuff going on this week in the NFL. There's a lot of good games.
Jake the Snake,

Speaker 3 I got to bring you in here for some injury reports,

Speaker 3 some things that I didn't know. We got some things going on, right? What's cooking?

Speaker 1 Yeah, there's a bunch of stuff going on.

Speaker 1 I'll start off with the, it's mainly at receiver, but I'll start off with a quarterback. Jane Daniels got hurt

Speaker 1 against the Panthers last week, and we're not sure if he's going to play against the Bears this week.

Speaker 1 He didn't practice yesterday, but the coach thinks he's going to be back out there, so that's something to monitor.

Speaker 1 The line for that is move to

Speaker 1 the Bears opened as underdogs, and they're now favored. So Vegas is prepared for him not to play, but you know.

Speaker 3 And who's Washington's backup?

Speaker 1 Mariota. He played the the second half.

Speaker 3 Yeah, that's right. He played, that's right, he didn't play too bad.

Speaker 1 No, he looked good. Um, he looked good.
I was nervous because I was on the commanders, so but he ended up playing lights out, so it worked out. Um, but yeah, so the main injuries are at receiver.

Speaker 1 Um, not only did Tampa get blown out by the Ravens, they've lost Godwin for the season, and Mike Evans is going to be out for an extended period of time as well.

Speaker 1 So, just adding insult to injury there. That um,

Speaker 1 I know Bill mentioned that the line flipped, um, because then it's because of those two injuries.

Speaker 3 And I think those two injuries,

Speaker 3 if I'm right here,

Speaker 3 I think that I heard this, that those injuries came late in the game. Both of those injuries came late in the game, dude.
And those are two of their biggest stars.

Speaker 1 Yeah, the Godwin one, especially. They were down by a lot.
So yeah, that was tough to see. He got carted off.
And yeah, it's hard to see someone season in like that.

Speaker 1 But there is some positive injury news. Cooper Cup and Puka Niku are expected to play tonight against the Vikings.
They've been out since week one and two of the season.

Speaker 1 So it's going to be exciting to have both of them back and see if that Rams offense can kind of salvage what's left of their season.

Speaker 1 The Cooper Cup is in trade rumors. So

Speaker 1 we'll see how that goes. And then lastly, the Chiefs traded for DeAndre Hopkins yesterday.
Saw that.

Speaker 3 Leave it to the Chiefs, those sneaky Chiefs, to get in at the last minute and get a really good player. I mean, the Chiefs just, the Chiefs have ways to find these veterans.

Speaker 3 They're going to, you know, he's going to have a nice little playoff moment. And I'll be honest with you.
I hate to say this on the show.

Speaker 1 Hate to say this on the show.

Speaker 3 But I visualize

Speaker 3 them winning their third Super Bowl and them like.

Speaker 3 going up to DeAndre Hopkins going, we're so glad he got his. D-Hop finally got his.
We're so glad. I can see that stupid post-game celebration.
And I hope I'm wrong, but I don't know, man.

Speaker 3 The Chiefs have ways to do it. And I think that that's a big pickup for them.
The Rams tonight is interesting because I'd like to see them fully healthy.

Speaker 3 I also heard rumors, don't know if this is true, that Daniel Jones of the New York Giants is in a trade package to get Matthew Stafford.

Speaker 3 That's kind of been going on. You don't know if that's going to happen.
I think that what I heard was that they didn't know if they needed or wanted Daniel Jones in the package.

Speaker 3 And the Giants kind of, if they did do it, would do that. I don't know if that's true or not,

Speaker 3 but I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think so. I think that the Stafford stuff, I think that's all bullshit.

Speaker 3 You think he's staying in Los Angeles?

Speaker 1 Yeah. There's no, there's like literally no,

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 I don't even really know what the ridiculous argument for the Rams trading Stafford is. Like I can't even think of like a stupid, I can't even think of a stupid argument.

Speaker 1 They would have to be getting some first-round picks back.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I think the Rams know the season is, I think the Rams know that they're not really going to win a Super Bowl this year.

Speaker 3 And I think that they, you know, I think that the fact that Cooper Cup is on the market, I think we're looking at a rebuild. I think that they also know Stafford is older.

Speaker 3 So I think that they're kind of like a garage sale maybe right now. I don't know.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, I did, and obviously, Jump, does anybody really think that the season is because of Stafford?

Speaker 1 I mean, obviously, with all the injuries they had, you know, and get to the picks this week is, you know,

Speaker 1 Cooper Cup's coming back, and there's a lot of promise there. But yeah, no, I mean, for them to get rid of Stafford would be ridiculous.
And like you said, it's a rebuilding year.

Speaker 1 But I mean, look at, first off, look at the quarterback market. Look at what young quarterbacks are doing.

Speaker 1 You can't be looking around the league going, I mean, put it this way: if you had a choice between Jameis Winston and Joe Flacco, who would you put in? I mean, you might just go with Flacco. Yeah.

Speaker 1 You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 It's like,

Speaker 3 I don't know. I mean, Winston.

Speaker 1 I'm not talking about a full contract, but let's be honest.

Speaker 1 Nobody's

Speaker 1 happy with

Speaker 1 the scene.

Speaker 3 Quarterback. I don't think that they would get rid of Stafford thinking he's the problem.
I don't think they would get rid of Stafford thinking he's a problem.

Speaker 3 I think if they did unload Stafford or Cup, it's just because they're looking at the future and they want to dump age and money. That's what I think.

Speaker 1 But then you're gambling because who knows? Who knows what you get? I think Cup is more likely going to be the casualty there, especially you see all these

Speaker 1 quote-unquote aging receivers around, you know, the same age as Cup have been traded around similar money. And I think teams are going to get a little desperate.

Speaker 1 Like maybe the Chargers, you see that they didn't really have any receivers on Monday or the Steelers. Maybe they think, oh, we can add Cup and pair him with Pickens and really be special offensively.

Speaker 1 So I think... Teams are going to start getting aggressive before the deadline for Coopers.

Speaker 3 Or the Giants.

Speaker 3 Maybe the Giants get rid of Wandell Robinson for all these drops. We get Cooper Cup in there on the other side of Neighbors.
Who knows?

Speaker 1 Cup and Neighbors will be nice.

Speaker 3 Oh, dude, Cup and Neighbors would be right. How old is Cup? He's not that old, right?

Speaker 1 Like early 30s. I mean, you know, but the NFL, you know, all these NFL owners think, you know, they say,

Speaker 1 they think Amari Cooper is old. They think 31.

Speaker 1 31. Yeah.

Speaker 3 See, once an NFL, once an offensive weapon in the NFL hits 30, that's kind of when, like, even if they got a couple years left, that's kind of when it's trade time because they're going, let's go and get somebody in their mid-20s.

Speaker 3 I get it.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 I think the Commanders-Bears is one of the most interesting games this week. I do.
I think because if Daniels, do you rush him back? You don't want to rush him back. They are playing in Washington.

Speaker 3 That's a game. Part of me wants to go.
Let's take the Commanders getting points. But the other part of me is like, you know what, dude? Just stay away.

Speaker 3 It's two and a half. It stayed two and a half, right?

Speaker 1 Well, yeah. So it was funny because I was going to, not to spoil all the picks here, but I was going to take the Bears, even when it opened as underdogs.
And I still like it now as favorites.

Speaker 1 I hope Daniels plays because we can see that Daniels-Caleb matchup because they went one and two in the draft. So that'd be one of the funner games of the week.

Speaker 1 But I just think the Bears' defense is what makes a difference here. They have a really strong defense, and Washington does not.
And I think that ultimately is going to win the game.

Speaker 3 All right. Yeah.
I mean, look, there's a lot of cool, interesting picks here. And I see the weird thing is this is one of the weeks where you got three or four giant lines.

Speaker 3 You got 11, you got 10, you got nine, whatever it is, and then you also have a bunch of threes and twos.

Speaker 3 Um, it's a fun week. I'm ready to get into these picks here.

Speaker 1 Um, take a look at last week, real quick.

Speaker 3 Yes, let's look at last week. So, last week, um,

Speaker 3 I don't know what Bill did last week.

Speaker 1 What did Bill do last week? One and three, one and three.

Speaker 3 Uh, I went two and two, which brings me to

Speaker 3 13 and 15.

Speaker 1 I am 13. You're right there, Paul.
What's that? You're right there, Paul.

Speaker 3 Right there, hanging. You know, we're hanging around, right, middle of the season almost hanging around.

Speaker 3 But look, a lot of work to do. A lot of work to do.
So it can go anyway.

Speaker 3 We got to stay in this thing.

Speaker 3 And

Speaker 3 all right. So look.
And listen. If Aaron Rodgers and Devontae Adams together could have fucking done anything, I'm above the book.

Speaker 3 That's how quick this is. But listen, woulda, coulda, shoulda, maybe, none of that shit matters.

Speaker 3 You know, I think that, I think that teams are starting to become who they are. I think the Baltimore Ravens, I think the Baltimore Ravens are who they are.
I really believe that.

Speaker 3 Unfortunately, I hate to say this because now I said this about the Eagles. People get mad at that.
I'm going to say this about the Niners. The Niners with the Niners with Debo.

Speaker 3 And by the way, man, the Niners are great people. Like I met them, the owners.
They're such a great organization, dude.

Speaker 3 I got people, I have friends that are like mutual friends that are close with George Kittle. Said he's like the coolest dude.
He's hurt. Debo's hurt.

Speaker 3 You know, it's, and listen, to do what they've done, to get back again, it's so exhausting. And to deal with everything they're dealing with, I just think it's tough.

Speaker 3 I just really think the Lions right now, I think the Lions in in the NFC, Packers in the NFC are really the teams. And then I do think Texans, Ravens are the only two.

Speaker 3 I think the Texans and the Ravens right now, I don't want to shit on Pittsburgh. I know Pittsburgh and Buffalo are hanging back there.
But as far as getting after the Chiefs, let's be honest, dude.

Speaker 3 Can we be honest?

Speaker 3 As much as we want to beat around the Bush, the Chiefs are the best team in the league.

Speaker 3 They just, even though the games are close and everybody goes, oh, he gets calls, they just, they find ways to win the game. And that's what championship teams do.
And now they added DeAndre Hopkins.

Speaker 3 So

Speaker 3 it's who can pick off the Chiefs.

Speaker 3 Can Lamar pick off the Chiefs? Can the Ravens do it? I don't know, but I'll tell you what, that would be an epic, epic AFC championship.

Speaker 1 I'm ready to go.

Speaker 1 Zay Flowers, just noting that, Zay Flowers, I think he's got like a high ankle sprain, low ankle sprain, but

Speaker 1 yeah,

Speaker 1 he didn't practice today's Thursday, didn't practice yesterday.

Speaker 1 So that

Speaker 1 going into this week, especially

Speaker 1 looking at them against the Browns, just telling Jake, this is basically the Browns Super Bowl. This is if you're the Browns, you have nothing else this season to really be looking at.

Speaker 1 So Jameis Winston coming in the game, Ravens on a short week.

Speaker 1 That's a division rivalry. So you want to, we can roll Bill's first pick right now.
Cut to that.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 3 we're going to give Bill first pick from Paris, France, and then I'll get into mine.

Speaker 1 Ah, way, bonjour, pause. Salute, Andrew.

Speaker 1 Au voir, Jake, lesse bones.

Speaker 1 What's up, everybody? I am in, I am

Speaker 1 a Paris.

Speaker 1 And here's my picks for the week, so I can't be on the podcast because,

Speaker 1 you know, because I'm in fucking Paris. All right, so here we go.
I'm going to take the Jets.

Speaker 1 Fucking lay in seven going into New England. We are a fucking mess.

Speaker 1 And our coach

Speaker 1 said we're a soft team.

Speaker 1 And I know that that should inspire them. And everybody's going to be booing Aaron Rodgers.
But I just, I don't know. Until they cover a fucking spread.
I mean, they've been winning for me every week.

Speaker 1 It's the only way I can

Speaker 1 handle what the Patriots are doing this year. Oh, here's a little travel tip for you.
You see that green thing up there? All you Americans? That's not a weed store. That's a pharmacy.
And we're back.

Speaker 1 Good morning. And he'll pitch the Jets.

Speaker 3 I like that pick. I like that pick.
Well, look, here's why I like the pick, because it really, it really is now or never for the Jets. The Jets are not going to be able to go two and six.

Speaker 3 You're not, you got to make it three and five and get on course right now because if you go two and six, it might be a rep. So I like that pick.
Okay.

Speaker 3 With my first pick

Speaker 3 of the 2024 week eight, Paul Versey selects. No, I think what I'm going to do with this pick, I, man, the number is high.
And I just talked about him.

Speaker 3 I hate to do it. You know what? No, I'm going to change.
I'm going to change.

Speaker 3 Guys, I'm going to take the Atlanta Falcons minus two and a half versus an unfortunately banged up Buccaneers team. No Chris Godwin, no Mike Evans.
Baker did not look good.

Speaker 3 I think the Falcons will see some things that they can do without those threats in the air. And it's only two and a half, which means if the Falcons win by three, I'm going to take that pick.

Speaker 3 I think I would never take the pick if the injuries didn't happen. And I don't really, I like to say this too about this pick.

Speaker 3 I don't really like to bet on teams or pick teams based on other teams' injuries. It's not something I usually do, but this is so significant.

Speaker 3 This is so significant with those two that I have to do it. So I'm going to take the

Speaker 3 Atlanta Falcons over the Buccaneers

Speaker 3 given two and a half points.

Speaker 1 All right. I'm also going to take, I'm going to take the Panthers getting nine points against the Broncos going into Denver.
Both those teams are le petit voiture.

Speaker 1 Ha ha,

Speaker 1 sé tor nignon.

Speaker 1 I've been doing this all week, just annoying French people.

Speaker 3 Bill

Speaker 3 taking the hapless, as he says.

Speaker 3 Carolina Panthers getting nine points versus the Broncos.

Speaker 1 That's a hot.

Speaker 1 Update

Speaker 1 when Bill picked it, it was nine and a half.

Speaker 3 So, Bill, no, but Bill gets that. Bill gets that, right?

Speaker 1 Well, we're going to give him the 10 since it goes in his favor, and we always do it whatever the odds are Thursday when we record. So,

Speaker 1 it went in the direction. If it went the other way, maybe he would have, you know, he'll need all the points with that team.
So, definitely. Yeah, listen.

Speaker 3 We'll give him what he could get with that team.

Speaker 3 Okay, with my second pick, man, this is

Speaker 3 I'm up in the air with this, man. I want to take the Browns and Winston because I have a feeling Winston is going to play good.
I don't know why.

Speaker 3 He's actually a decent NFL quarterback, as crazy that is to say.

Speaker 3 And it is nine points. But the way the Ravens are flying right now, I can see that game literally being 31 to 10.
So I'm just going to lay off that one. All right.

Speaker 3 Of course, my eyes go down and see the Giants.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to do that to myself again.

Speaker 3 Okay. I'm not going to do that to myself again.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the Washington Commanders, dude. I'm going to take the Washington Commanders getting two and a half at home.
I don't know if Daniels is going to play. Mariota looked good.

Speaker 3 The line is,

Speaker 3 it's that line where if you had to win by three, I don't know if i'd take the game the fact that they're getting two and a half i i don't know i've rode with them all year it's been good for me i'm gonna go with the washington commanders now is daniels definitely out it's unclear um because the coach was like oh you know he he might still play um but he just hasn't practiced so far so it's just unclear if he's gonna play it's i'd say it's 50 50.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the chance. I'm going to take the chance.

Speaker 1 It's a rib injury. Just look at it's a rib injury for context, right, Jake? Yes, yeah,

Speaker 1 quarterbacks are pleasure at before, so yeah, it's not impossible.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, I know, but I just, as far as like just Paula Fier, you know, handicapping him on his feet or him, yeah, listening putting the ball in the spot, you know, these are it's gonna be one of those different games, it's gonna be one of those games where he's gonna have to deal with pain or not.

Speaker 3 It's a rib injury is something that it only heals with rest, but I've seen guys play with it and be in pain. I

Speaker 3 look, I know that this is a game where it really is a coin toss. I'm just going to go with the home team and I'm going to see.
And I don't think Marcus Mariota is the scrub.

Speaker 3 So I'm going to take the Commanders to getting the points with the Bears at home.

Speaker 3 Bill will go to his third pick now.

Speaker 3 Let's get into Bill's third pick.

Speaker 1 I'm going to take the fucking Seattle Seahawks getting nine. That's almost double digits.
Why not?

Speaker 1 Poor quapas.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 3 There you go. Bill takes the Seattle.
So, Bill is, you know what? Bill always picks. It's funny.

Speaker 3 We've been doing this show for a few years, and there are certain teams that we just kind of migrate to. And Seattle is always one of Bill's.
Green Bay is kind of always one of mine.

Speaker 3 Oh, my God. That fucking Titans-Lions line is ridiculously high.
I mean, you're starting the game as an NFL team with 11 and a half points, and I'm still scared of it.

Speaker 3 That's how bad the Titans are, and that's how good the Lions are, that I don't even want to fucking touch that.

Speaker 3 How nuts is that? That any other game, you'd be like, oh, my God.

Speaker 1 All right. This is where it gets tricky.

Speaker 3 This is where it gets tricky. Okay.
And here's my philosophy. Tonight's game is an interesting game.
And here's why.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 3 Vikings just lost their first game in not good fashion either. They were winning 10-0, and then all of a sudden the Lions figured something out and they beat them up pretty good.

Speaker 3 And Sam Darnold was throwing picks and doing things. The Rams have cup back tonight.
They got the other kid. What's the other kid?

Speaker 1 Puka and Nakua.

Speaker 3 They got Nakua. They got Cup.

Speaker 3 The Vikings are either going to have a big bounce back game or...

Speaker 3 Or they're going to have the two losses in a row and ESPN and everyone's going, did people figure out the Vikings? It's a tough one.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 It's a tough one.

Speaker 3 Now,

Speaker 3 another game.

Speaker 3 Tua Tungavialoa. Is he playing this week?

Speaker 1 He is.

Speaker 1 I think that's why the Miami Dolphins are favored as well. And that line keeps going up.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the Miami Dolphins.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the, the, the, I'm going to take,

Speaker 3 you know what?

Speaker 3 The, what's it called?

Speaker 3 The Marvel characters all come back.

Speaker 1 I mean, I don't know what I'm talking about.

Speaker 1 I tried to do the Disney thing. Now I'm trying to do the superhero thing.

Speaker 3 I'm just saying the captain of their team, the leader of their team is back. I think that they're going to be psyched that he's back and feel like they can get on track.

Speaker 3 I don't like the half a point at all,

Speaker 3 but I'm going to just say at home, the Dolphins find a way to win the game, maybe even win the game big. Is

Speaker 3 Waddle and Tyreek Hiller both in?

Speaker 1 Waddle's questionable, but I would expect him to play. Tyreek will be in.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the Dolphins with their quarterback back, rallying around him, minus three and a half

Speaker 3 in South Florida. There's my third pick.

Speaker 1 All right. Solid.

Speaker 3 What do you got, Bill? What do you got from Paris, Bill?

Speaker 1 Then I'm going to take the 49ers, lay in four against the Cowboys. They're at home.
I think they lost to Kansas City. I traveled last week on Sunday.
And then the last one is,

Speaker 1 ah, shit. Who the hell was it? It was the Patriots, Seattle Seahawks, the 49ers.

Speaker 1 God damn it.

Speaker 1 Who else was I taking?

Speaker 1 Do you know, Monsieur? All right, those are my four.

Speaker 1 Paul, I tried to stay out of your lane. I didn't, I didn't take any of the teams that you've been going with.

Speaker 1 Okay, here's my thing: the trap game for the week, I feel, is

Speaker 1 whatever's going on with that, I don't like that Falcons

Speaker 1 Tampa game. I don't like that at all.
Tampa's just been kicking everybody's fucking ass, and all of a sudden, they're underdogs against the Falcons. Jake the Snake, is somebody hurt?

Speaker 3 Oh, Bill is going with the banged up.

Speaker 3 What's the line on that game? Four?

Speaker 1 Four.

Speaker 1 Primetime Billy.

Speaker 3 This is the Cowboys season right here, right now.

Speaker 3 The Cowboy, you know, things are bad when the Cowboy fans are outside in the parking lot yelling and throwing things at the best player on defense. Did you see that?

Speaker 3 There was a dude in the parking lot and Parsons was coming out. And

Speaker 3 the guy's just throwing stuff going, you suck. And Parson yelling,

Speaker 3 we're angry too. It's a mess in Dallas, dude.
That's that's.

Speaker 1 And your owners calling into radio stations, not just once, but twice.

Speaker 1 Right.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 That's true.

Speaker 3 When the owner is yelling at a radio station, dude, it's not good.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Don't talk about it.

Speaker 1 Crazy.

Speaker 3 I've never on this show, okay?

Speaker 1 This could be history here.

Speaker 3 Never

Speaker 3 in the three and a half seasons of doing this show on Betting MGM have I picked against my New York Giants. I don't think I have.
I don't think I could bring myself to do it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't think you did either.

Speaker 3 No. If anything, I picked them when they were going to lose.
And I'm going to tell you what, fellas.

Speaker 3 I'm not going to do it now either.

Speaker 1 I'm not going to do it now.

Speaker 3 Part of me is going, I kind of like the Giants getting six and a half. I know that sounds nuts, but I'm not going to touch it.

Speaker 3 And this is where I have a problem because I'm having a hard time with this fourth and final pick.

Speaker 1 Paul, just take the take the Giants' money line, just make a point, ball, just make a point to everybody.

Speaker 3 What did the Jets? Did the Jags lose last week?

Speaker 1 No, they played New England and London,

Speaker 3 they won, yeah.

Speaker 1 They killed them.

Speaker 1 I'm trying to remember what the score was, but yeah, that's Bill's strategy. He's faith the Patriots every week, and it's worked out so far.
Yeah, it was 32 to 16.

Speaker 1 Oof, geez.

Speaker 3 Yeah. 32 to 16.

Speaker 1 Jags won. I went 4-0 last week, Paul, just picking obvious teams that are going to lose.
I was like, I just picked against. After going one and three the week before, I was like, you know what?

Speaker 1 The Saints are going to lose. The Patriots are going to lose.
The Falcons are going to lose. Maybe not that obvious.
And then the Panthers.

Speaker 1 Excuse me, the Eagles against the Giants. Yeah.
It all seems obvious in hindsight for sure. It all seems obvious.
Well, that's what I needed. I needed

Speaker 1 obvious

Speaker 1 after trying to get cute the week before picking the fucking Broncos. Should I go head-to-head with him with that?

Speaker 1 I kind of see what you're saying, Paul, because the Cowboys season is definitely on the line and the Biners are really banged up.

Speaker 1 But it's also really hard to pick the Cowboys because of their quarterback.

Speaker 1 So that's my.

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 3 I beat Bill on the first head-to-head we did this year. I think that was week one.
I don't know. It was early.

Speaker 3 I think I'm going to go head-to-head with him here, and I think I'm going to take the Buffalo Bills. Are the Buffalo Bills coming off a bye week?

Speaker 1 Um, no, they play Tennessee. Well, I guess sort of a bye week then, but um,

Speaker 1 they played Tennessee, they started that game down, too. Uh, I know that was funny.

Speaker 3 What came down?

Speaker 1 They started the game behind, and everybody was looking at the score going, oh my god, is this really happening?

Speaker 1 Um, but they ended up crushing them. Um,

Speaker 3 Yeah, I mean, I'm sorry to take, sorry, Doug. I'm taking so long.
This is really tough, man, because the four and a half with the Jags, I don't like.

Speaker 3 These lines are like right perfect, of course. And then it just comes down to, are the Buffalo Bills a better team than

Speaker 3 are the Buffalo Bills a better team than the Seahawks? And they also have Amari Cooper right now, right?

Speaker 1 Yep.

Speaker 3 I'm going to take the Buffalo Bills minus three. I think they have a better team.
I think they probably don't like the start they got off to against Tennessee last week.

Speaker 3 So they're probably going to try to get after the Seahawks fast. And here's the deal:

Speaker 3 do you like Josh Allen more than you like Geno Smith? Although Geno Smith is good, the answer to that question is yes.

Speaker 3 So I am going to go head-to-head with my partner here on the show, and I am going to take the Buffalo Bills for my fourth and final pick, minus three, to beat the

Speaker 3 Seattle Seahawks in the fake noise stadium.

Speaker 1 I forgot about that.

Speaker 3 What'd you say?

Speaker 1 I forgot about that whole scandal, though. That's funny.

Speaker 3 Yeah, I don't know.

Speaker 3 So those are my pits. Let me just get this straight.
What I got. I got the Dolphins.
I have the Buffalo Bills. I have the Atlanta Falcons.
And I have

Speaker 3 the Commanders over the Bears getting points. All right.
You know what?

Speaker 1 I'm shaky on one, maybe two.

Speaker 3 other two, I think I like. So we'll see what happens.
You never know, man. I'm two games back.
I'm two games back. You never know what happens.

Speaker 3 And dude, tonight's game is going to be a good one.

Speaker 3 I wish we could have done something as a show with tonight's game. But let's get into the Monday night special.

Speaker 1 If anybody's looking at props on that tonight's game,

Speaker 1 I would go

Speaker 1 Cooper Cup over.

Speaker 1 I would just take him at every level.

Speaker 1 He's he's gonna, I think it was, I said the line was, I think it was 10 on

Speaker 1 receptions. I mean, oh, for receptions.
Well, that's a lot of receptions, but but I see.

Speaker 3 No, I don't think he's gonna get 10 receptions.

Speaker 1 I would look at yardage, like you're saying, though. I think yardage, obviously, but I'm saying you can look at receptions too because he's gonna be going to where else is he going to.

Speaker 3 But I think also, I don't know if a coach wants to work a kid like that right when he gets back. I don't know, though.
You never know.

Speaker 3 But like, I know, like, Malik Neighbors, when Malik Neighbors came back, he was target, you know, he ended up with like four catches for like whatever, 41 yards or whatever, um, after getting like 13, 14 targets at the beginning of the season.

Speaker 3 But you never know. But here's the thing: cup opens it up for the other guy, too, and vice versa.
So, um,

Speaker 3 you know, if you, if there was like a way you could do it was six and a half, not 10.

Speaker 1 Oh, okay. That's about six and a half, yeah.

Speaker 3 Six and a half, yeah. Cause the other kid's going to eat too.
But let's get into the Monday night special. This week's Monday night special, we have the my.

Speaker 3 My, don't ever forget this. Listen to me.

Speaker 3 I know we're doing bad. I got my Eli bobblehead, my two-ring Eli bobblehead, and this and that.
My New York Football Giants, they were in some games.

Speaker 3 Their record should be better, but I know coulda, woulda, shoulda. And they looked god-awful.
Without Andrew Thomas at left tackle, the New York Giants could not block anybody.

Speaker 3 It's amazing how that left side completely collapsed on Jones with one guy out. But that tells you: if one guy is going to do that, it means you don't have the personnel.
It's just

Speaker 3 because

Speaker 3 you got to be able to put another guy in there to pick up the slack. Just didn't do it.

Speaker 3 But I like the Giants with the points.

Speaker 3 Do I think the Giants are going to win the game in Pittsburgh? Gun to my head. No.

Speaker 3 Do I think the Giants could lose the game by five, three? Yes.

Speaker 3 But let's have fun with it.

Speaker 3 Let's have fun with it. Let's do a parlay without picking the game.
Can we do that?

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.
Let's do Russell Wilson. Totals are 36 and a half.
It's 36 and a half. I mean,

Speaker 1 you have no idea what you're doing there. I mean, if the Steelers put up points, if Russell Wilson can move the ball, then, you know.

Speaker 3 Will bet MGM allow us.

Speaker 1 We'll do whatever we want. All right.
Because this year, everybody can vary these parlays a la carte, however they want. want.

Speaker 3 All right, so we'll put together an a la carte thing. I say

Speaker 3 the New York Giants, I mean, I want to,

Speaker 3 we're the number one defensive line sacks-wise in the league. I think we have 29 or 30-something sacks in the league.

Speaker 3 Our defensive line can stop Russell Wilson because I don't think he runs the way he used to run. I think that's a fair statement.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 3 Because I think if Russell Wilson, they even said last week, if he was able to run the way he could run, he had some opportunities.

Speaker 3 Man, you want to do, can we do giant sacks? Can we do like, can we do like the,

Speaker 3 or is sacks an available thing? Because I think they'll do three or more. I think they'll do three or more.
But if we can't do that, we don't have to do that.

Speaker 1 I think what you're describing is definitely probably an under if it's 36 and a half, because you know the Steelers defense is going to get to Daniel Jones throughout the game.

Speaker 1 And if you think the Giants defense is going to slow down the Steelers, you know, maybe

Speaker 1 it's like a 24

Speaker 1 to 10 kind of game, I don't know, or something like that. Or maybe the Giants cover and it's like a little bit less

Speaker 1 like a 17-13 type of game. If you think the Giants defense is going to play well.

Speaker 3 You know, the odds are good too. Like I could see the game 26-20.
You know, it's one of those games, I think. I think it's going to be one of those games.
And listen, other than...

Speaker 3 Other than Philadelphia and the Vikings week one, the Giants were in striking distance of every game they played. Should if they had a kicker, they had a kicker, they have two, two more wins.

Speaker 3 And I really believe, I'm not just saying that. If the Giants have a kicker, they have two more wins than they have right now.
I believe that.

Speaker 1 Well, the Commanders, the Commanders' game for sure. That's that is factual.

Speaker 3 The Commanders game one, it never happened in history where a team had three touchdowns and another team had none, and the team that had, you know, had none won. So definitely the Commanders.

Speaker 3 But I also think too, the Cowboy game, they were right there.

Speaker 3 I don't know. This is tough.
Do you want to do?

Speaker 3 Oh, by the way, by the way.

Speaker 1 What's up? Oh, my God. How do we not get to the next one?

Speaker 1 I know where you're going to go.

Speaker 3 We hit the Monday night special two weeks in a row.

Speaker 1 Did you know that? Andrew?

Speaker 3 We hit three. By the way, this is going into week eight.
Out of seven weeks, we hit the Monday night special three times and the last two in a row. So if you guys were rocking with us,

Speaker 3 it's ironic that it's not up on the site, but that's what you got to do. You got to rock with us right now.
I think we do this.

Speaker 3 Let's get a little crazy with this, okay?

Speaker 3 Let's get a little crazy with this. Since we did win the Monday night special the last two weeks in a row,

Speaker 3 let's take the Giants with the points. Not saying the Giants are going to win, but let's take the Giants getting six and a half.

Speaker 1 Actually, Andrew, how about this?

Speaker 3 Can we tease that to seven and a half?

Speaker 1 I'll say, why don't you tease that in the total? Yeah, tease the, I would just tease that

Speaker 1 full six, and then,

Speaker 1 yeah, I would go plus 12, Giants plus 12.

Speaker 3 No, it'd be plus 12 and a half.

Speaker 3 Same difference, I guess.

Speaker 1 Say it again.

Speaker 3 It'll be Giants plus 12 and a half.

Speaker 1 I think it's spread six right now. Because it's six, yeah.

Speaker 3 Oh, I have six and a half.

Speaker 1 Oh, no. Yeah, sorry.
The updated line was six is six. It moved to six this morning.

Speaker 3 Oh, so that means a lot of people are taking the Giants.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 well, that doesn't mean a lot of people are taking the Giants right now. Uh,

Speaker 1 97% of the money line bet is on, obviously, the money line bets on

Speaker 1 the money line.

Speaker 3 That makes sense.

Speaker 1 87% on the over,

Speaker 1 really,

Speaker 1 that's a lot of

Speaker 1 the over. And then look at the underover

Speaker 1 36 and a half. That's why Jake was saying if we just tease that up, six, you just

Speaker 1 want to lower,

Speaker 1 you want to lower it and then go over?

Speaker 3 Yeah, 30 points in a fucking hell. Yeah.

Speaker 1 I guess you're right. Yeah, in an NFL game, that would be a really low.
Yeah,

Speaker 1 I see what you're saying. Because if you get a

Speaker 3 take it down from 36 to 30.

Speaker 1 Right. Thursday night games can be a little trickier with that because teams are on less rest.
Actually, yeah. Well, yeah, Thursday night games or Monday night games because.

Speaker 1 Oh, no, yeah, that's right. I keep thinking we're doing the Thursday night games.
Sorry.

Speaker 3 I'll also tell you this. There's going to be a defensive, I think.

Speaker 3 There's going to be a defensive score or a big defense this is a game where a defense is going to make a play either get somebody pinned in the in the in the red zone i think i like third i like it teasing down so let's do this let's take the giants getting 12 in a two team tease we'll take over 30 okay and then should we throw one more in there should we throw should we say uh

Speaker 1 Do you want either of them to throw a like? Well, who do you think is more likely to turn it over? Um, in your opinion, the Steelers or the Giants.

Speaker 3 Maybe we just tough because both defensive lines cause so much shit.

Speaker 3 You know, it's it's it could happen, it could happen to, you know, like Dexter Lawrence could, Dexter Lawrence or Brian Burns could, you know, knock it out of Russell's hands.

Speaker 3 Uh, the Giants' weak left side could make uh, you know, make the Pittsburgh do it. So, I think that we don't have to go turnover.
Maybe we just go, who do we think is going to score?

Speaker 3 Who do we think is definitely going to score in this game?

Speaker 1 Maybe, maybe George Pickens or Najee

Speaker 1 on offense, on defense. I don't know.
It's always hard to predict if any of them are going to score on defense. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Who's scored? Yeah, I guess neighbors on the Giants.

Speaker 1 You know who I like? You guys have that running back now, Tracy.

Speaker 3 I like Tracy. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Tracy. Tracy.

Speaker 3 Yeah. Tyrone Tracy the third.
I love that kid.

Speaker 3 Yeah. I mean, we can do,

Speaker 3 I think

Speaker 3 Neighbors is going to be the target, but so is Pickens. So we could just pick one of those.
What do you think?

Speaker 1 I like Pickens. I like Pickens a lot.
Russell Wilson was throwing it at him in that last game.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 that's who I would take.

Speaker 3 Okay, look, you know what?

Speaker 3 I took the Giants getting 12. I'll do that.
So

Speaker 3 let's do that. Let's do the Giants getting 12.

Speaker 3 in a tease with the over 30 in the same tease.

Speaker 1 How about we make it easier, Paul? Maybe we do Russell Wilson or Jones to throw a touchdown. Would you rather do that?

Speaker 1 Take the odds hit? I'd take a running back touchdown over a passing touchdown in this game.

Speaker 1 But, I mean, Russell Wilson, I think you're better off with him than Daniel Jones, especially in the red zone.

Speaker 3 Okay, if you want to do Russell to throw one.

Speaker 1 Yeah, well, what are the odds on that, Andrew? Maybe it's like worse than Pickens. Yeah, it's over.

Speaker 1 Well, once you get into parlay territory, adding any bet will bring it up but obviously not as much so uh passing touchdowns russell wilson over one and a half is plus 150.

Speaker 1 uh daniel jones you're right too right that's that's just what that's just what they're giving out and then daniel jones uh if you book with somebody else and you might be able to find it lower or find the option to get it i got it i got it i got it let's make some money for people i got it okay let's make some money for people we already did it two weeks in a row let's get crazy and fun with this one You know, Bills in Europe.

Speaker 3 What's that?

Speaker 1 I'd do over a half,

Speaker 1 over at least one or over a half of an interception for both QBs. You were talking about QBs before.
I would consider that

Speaker 1 I think they're both going to throw interceptions.

Speaker 3 So wait a minute. So what does that mean? So that means that either quarterback throws one?

Speaker 1 We need both to throw one

Speaker 1 interception, which I don't see.

Speaker 3 Daniel Jones doesn't throw. Daniel Jones doesn't.
I mean, I know he did it last season.

Speaker 1 He stambles first. I know.

Speaker 3 He doesn't really throw interceptions unless it's like a bad read.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 3 he, yeah, yeah. I mean, look,

Speaker 3 it's weird. It's like Daniel Jones is one of those where you'll know in the first quarter if he's like on and you'll be like, oh, he's good, or he could fucking be a mess.

Speaker 3 What about if we did a, what if we did this? What if we pick a quarterback and a receiver? Because if they throw it to, like, what if we did Daniel Jones to throw one to Malik Neighbor?

Speaker 3 So Malik Neighbor catches one, Daniel Jones throws one, because that's who he's going to throw it to. Do you know what I mean? Or like Russell to Pickens, that's who he's going to throw it to.

Speaker 3 So then basically what we're doing is we got the T's. And if we hit the T's, we just need the quarterback to throw to their guy for a touchdown on Monday night.
It's Monday night football, right?

Speaker 1 Monday night football, yeah. Right.
It's Monday night football, man.

Speaker 3 These guys,

Speaker 3 does Malik neighbors catch a touchdown on his Monday night football debut? I say a 1,000% he does.

Speaker 1 All right. Let's roll with it.
Let's roll with it. Let's just do Malik then, because then you don't have to worry.

Speaker 1 Well, I guess obviously it'd be the same. So

Speaker 1 yeah, I'm with it.

Speaker 1 Let's roll.

Speaker 3 Listen, we did it three. We did it.

Speaker 1 Yeah, you guys are hot this year, man. I love it.

Speaker 3 We did three of them, man. Last year, I think we didn't hit one, or we'd hit one.

Speaker 3 So let's do that. Let's do Giants getting 12, over 30, Jones to throw one, neighbors to catch one.
All right. That's got to make somebody get six, $700, right?

Speaker 1 Oh, yeah. And what are those odds, Andrew?

Speaker 1 Well, because I'm not in the proper state, it won't actually give me the odds.

Speaker 1 But repeat it again. I'll do the math.
It's you got Daniel Jones to throw one.

Speaker 3 Malik Neighbors to catch one.

Speaker 1 Over 30, so it's most minus.

Speaker 1 And then the Giants to cover the 12.

Speaker 1 Cover the 12, that'll bring it down. It was over 30.
Still doing the over 30, Daniel Jones, Malik Neighbors. I think that over 30 is a really smart play, by the way.

Speaker 1 That was a really good way to look at that number.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 you're got to be at

Speaker 1 least at least four to one,

Speaker 1 especially with that. Yeah.

Speaker 3 All right. So that's a fun, that's a fun Monday night special.
You have

Speaker 3 Bill's picks, which is the Jets, 49ers, Seahawks, and who?

Speaker 1 Panthers. Panthers.

Speaker 3 And you have my picks, the Dolphins, Commanders,

Speaker 3 Bills, and Falcons. So there you go.

Speaker 3 Those are the picks for week eight. Bill will be back next week.

Speaker 3 And there you go. I mean, I don't know anything else we have.
Oh, actually,

Speaker 1 you got any Yankees' thoughts?

Speaker 3 Oh, yeah, let's do that for a second. We will talk about the World Series for five minutes.

Speaker 3 Look, me and Jake the Snake were talking about it before we went, you know, recorded recording.

Speaker 3 I think it's such an even lineup with

Speaker 3 Otani, right?

Speaker 3 Mookie Betts, Freddie Freeman. Then you have Juan Soto, Aaron Judge, John Carlos Stanton.
We do have Glaber. I will tell you this.

Speaker 3 I think the Yankees have a tiny edge with the bats.

Speaker 3 If I'm saying this, if all is perfect in the world and everybody is hitting, I think John Carlos Stanton makes a difference because he's just a power hitter that could just get a three-run shot anytime, but so can Otani.

Speaker 3 I think Jake is right. It comes down to the bullpen.
I think this is a very evenly matched World Series. I think this is probably the best World Series, best case scenario for the MLB.

Speaker 3 I think you got the West Coast, you got the East Coast, you got the Yankees, Dodgers, old rivalry. Nobody would have cared about Giant.

Speaker 3 Believe it or not, nobody would have cared about Yankees Mets because when it was Yankees Mets, it was a regional, you know, people think they cared. Nobody really cared.

Speaker 1 It's like the lowest rated World Series in history.

Speaker 3 Yeah, you got like the West Coast, California going against the East Coast, New York. You got Otani, Judge, two sluggers.
I think it's great.

Speaker 3 I think it just comes down to what you said, bullpen starting pitching.

Speaker 3 But I will say this, Garrett Cole tomorrow night has to get game one for the Yankees as our ace, because I think if we lose that start and lose that game, especially not having home field.

Speaker 3 It's bad for the Yankees. The Yankees need to bring home field back.
And the way to do that is obviously you got to get one.

Speaker 3 And I think getting the first one. So it should be a great World Series.

Speaker 3 It's stress that I don't need in my life.

Speaker 3 I don't need it.

Speaker 3 The Knicks, my New York Knicks got absolutely torched in game one of the ring ceremony of the Celtics. I've never seen it.
By the way, I got to talk about this for a second.

Speaker 3 They were like, oh, this is like a video game. No, no, no, no.

Speaker 1 No, no, no.

Speaker 3 Video games don't hit shots like that. I have never in my life seen a basketball team from their starters to their bench not miss three-point field goals for three quarters.

Speaker 3 And the ironic part is the Celtics, they tie

Speaker 3 the NBA games with three-pointers at 29. And then the whole fucking TD Garden is chanting one more three to do, and they went 0 for 13 on their last 13 in the biggest three-point game ever.

Speaker 3 It was wild. So in a weird way, they left slightly disappointed, which was the only thing that I could take because it was such a beatdown.
The Knicks looked confused. They asked Josh Hart.

Speaker 3 They said to Josh Hart, they go, hey, man, what'd you think? And he's like, yo, check them for drug use, man, because I never seen some shit like that.

Speaker 3 So between the Knicks now, wanting to watch the Knicks bounce back.

Speaker 3 Okay, my daughter's volleyball games, which I have to go to today, which the level of stress at that, you guys have no idea until you've been to sixth through eighth grade girl volleyball games.

Speaker 3 It's the most intense shit. I got to video it.
I got to video it and put it on the show because every point is a Super Bowl win and every non-point is not. And it is so intense.

Speaker 3 And now I have the Yankees going against the Dodgers and I'm going to be performing at the stand in New York City tomorrow. And that game is going to be on in the green room.

Speaker 3 So there's going to be, there's stress everywhere. I just want to sit down, relax, do my shows.
There's stress everywhere. Go Yankees.

Speaker 3 Go Giants. Go Knicks.
And there you go.

Speaker 3 And I know for you, Jake, you're going for the Dodgers and and the Chargers this week.

Speaker 3 Andrew, you got the Celtics. At least no matter what's going on in your world, you've got the Celtics, dude.

Speaker 1 Listen, I, you know, Pedro's like, yeah, I mean, I'm just, I'm enjoying seeing what's happening here. I think it'll be a whole different team in two years,

Speaker 1 for better or worse. Hopefully for better.
Yeah, hopefully.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I mean, it can't get much worse. But no, I mean, yeah, no, I'm okay.
Listen, I'm enjoying the NFL. I'm enjoying all these games.
Every complaint about,

Speaker 1 you know, it being a wacky season, I just think it's more, all these games are just way more fun. Not making a lot of money.
I went seven, eight, six for eight and an 18 parlay going on Monday night.

Speaker 1 I thought, you know, thought I had that, thought I had some money, but now nothing.

Speaker 1 Looking at first touchdown tonight, Aaron Jones. That's what I'm looking at tonight, but we'll see.
We'll see.

Speaker 1 Yeah.

Speaker 3 And listen, guys, if you're watching and you're taking our picks, the Anything Better show is

Speaker 3 strong right now. We are alive and well.
We're coming back.

Speaker 3 You know,

Speaker 3 we're right there. We're right there, middle of the season.
We're in mid-season form.

Speaker 1 Jake, Jake, do you want to throw out what picks you like so far this week? Jake and I usually submit our picks right after the show, but Jake, you already got yours and we got a minute.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I'm finally rounding the corner here. I was just getting killed in the first month of the season, but similar to Pauly there, I'm heating up in October.

Speaker 1 I hate to fade Polly in October too, but I'm doing it twice, unfortunately. I got the Cardinals.
I like the three and a half.

Speaker 1 I know Tua is back, but I just don't believe in Miami at the moment. And then I got the Bears.

Speaker 1 I think we discussed it a little bit earlier, but I just think our defense is really solid. And then I was surprised nobody took this team.
I love the Packers this week.

Speaker 1 I think the Jaguars are hapless, as the show would say. And I think Green Bay looks really good right now.
And Jordan Love has played spectacular. So I think I think they whipped cruised that one.

Speaker 1 And then I'm riding with Paul on the Buffalo Bills. I just think

Speaker 1 they're going to start incorporating Mari Cooper a little more. And then Seattle looked kind of fraudulent in some of these games, but they had a nice bounce back win last week.

Speaker 1 And it's tough to win in the fake crowd in Noise Stadium, like Paul was saying. But I like Buffalo there.
So those are my four.

Speaker 1 I like those. I like those.
And look,

Speaker 1 Kennedy Walker's the only thing that gets in the way of the Bills

Speaker 1 a complete blowout. Kenneth Walker's just been pounding right through the line.
So but I mean look you guys are on something.

Speaker 3 I think Miami is a coin toss. I think Tua can come out and light it up and be great and all of a sudden Miami's back or you go oh shit like and you worry about the kid's health.

Speaker 3 You hope the kid doesn't take a hit.

Speaker 3 You know you you know but he wouldn't be in an NFL game if his if his head wasn't if they didn't you know feel like you know i just hope that they for the love of god the kid doesn't get another concussion and if he does it's in like five years do you know what i mean like I just don't want the kid to get another one because that, that's another one for him would have to be people that love him to sit down and go, hey, dude, let's, let's get a couple dealerships in Miami and let's let's end this thing.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I can't believe he's not wearing the Guardian cap either. I was going to go with Tampa, but those injuries, like we talked about,

Speaker 1 took took me off of it. And so I had to find a new fourth team.

Speaker 1 I really liked Tampa before the injuries because I don't buy Atlanta, but like now that, I mean, like you were, like we talked about with those injuries.

Speaker 3 I feel like my picks could go. I don't like these weeks, and I don't like to say this, but I feel like my picks could go 4-0, 0-4.
But listen, it's the NFL, dude. You never know.

Speaker 3 You could go 2-2, 1-3, whatever it is.

Speaker 3 What do you got, Andrew?

Speaker 1 I gotta look at a few. Oh, yours aren't done yet.
All right. Yeah, you usually, like I said, I usually send them to you guys before.

Speaker 1 Last season, I picked the Thursday night game like every week just because I like picking Thursday night games. But

Speaker 3 yeah, guys, that's why the kid is the brains behind the show, that's why Andrew Samos is the brains behind the show. He waits, he waits, you know what he does?

Speaker 3 He sits in his quarters in Beverly Hills and he listens to us dummies, he listens to us dummies, and he takes it all in and then he evaluates and then he looks and he makes his decision later.

Speaker 3 And that's why he that's why he does well. I know what you do, you're a you're the Greek freak, that's what you do.

Speaker 1 Listen, listen, I always say if I had put money on the teams that I pick in this, I'd probably be doing better, but I'm more of a, you know, six-leg parlay guy.

Speaker 3 But all right, everybody, there you go. Those are the picks for myself,

Speaker 3 for Bill, for Andrew, for Jake.

Speaker 3 Guys, download the Bet MGM app. It's the best sports.
It's the best book out there, man. We love working with those guys.
All you got to do for $1,500 in bets, all you got to do is put a

Speaker 3 deposit of up to $10

Speaker 3 in your account. And if the bet loses, you'll get $1,500 back in bonus bets.
It's pretty great. And all you have to do is use our code.
It's a simple code. It's Burr, B-U-R-R.

Speaker 3 You put that code in for the show and you will get those benefits. And you also have the first touchdown offer.

Speaker 3 Any NFL game, you pick the guy that's going to get the first touchdown. And if they don't, in fact, they get the second touchdown, you will still get

Speaker 3 your stack back at the end. So there you go, guys.
Thank you guys so much for listening to the Anything Better podcast for our picks for week number eight.

Speaker 3 On behalf of,

Speaker 3 you know,

Speaker 3 Andrew Themlis, Jake the Snake, Bill Burr, I'm Paul Versey. We will see you guys next week for week number nine.

Speaker 3 As we always say on the show, guys, I know we talk betting and we talk gambling and all that stuff.

Speaker 3 Please, one thing we really do on the show is what we want is you to be responsible, bet responsibly, have fun, you know, and enjoy it the way we enjoy it. We'll see you next week.

Speaker 3 Enjoy the week of football.