Monday Morning Podcast 10-21-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr, and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday, October 21st, 2024.

Speaker 1 You hear that? You hear that? What's going on, Hawaii? I hope he could hear that. That was one of those sirens that you're hearing in Europe.

Speaker 1 J.

Speaker 1 Arive.

Speaker 1 I don't know,

Speaker 1 does it two hours ago?

Speaker 1 Eje sui si er pasque je trois performances cet semain

Speaker 1 je di soi de mer die soi troi

Speaker 1 um

Speaker 1 di madi mer die je désoi

Speaker 1 et puis je sui fain.

Speaker 1 Um, that's it.

Speaker 1 Anyway, I am out here and

Speaker 1 couldn't have a good time. Doing my act in English, obviously.
In between, I'm going to be fucking trying out my French and all of that shit.

Speaker 1 It's been a long time since I haven't been here in like three years.

Speaker 1 It's overcast or whatever, but

Speaker 1 I am very jet-lagged. I used to know how to say jet-lagged in French.

Speaker 1 I can't fucking remember.

Speaker 1 I don't fucking remember. Anyway, they broke my fucking luggage because, like an asshole,

Speaker 1 I didn't realize, you know, you know, those stupid fucking locks. First of all, you, you mean, it's, it's a plastic lock, it's so dumb.
So, I don't know, I'm just putting the luggage in the car.

Speaker 1 If the numbers switch, they were locked, you know, terrorism. They got to break the fucking things open.
So, I get my luggage.

Speaker 1 My clothes are hanging out of it and shit.

Speaker 1 They broke both bags.

Speaker 1 Fucking assholes, but I get it. Fucking asshole terrorists

Speaker 1 and colonists, whatever the fuck you call them. Whoever created the terrorists, the English.
I'm blaming the English.

Speaker 1 I'm blaming the English.

Speaker 1 The English are so fucking bad, they create even like white, there's even white terrorists against them.

Speaker 1 They literally piss everybody off.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 and we're following in their footsteps because we got their fucking blood in us.

Speaker 1 And with that, and with that, and with that, this is the podcast.

Speaker 1 I wish I wasn't so tired.

Speaker 1 I'm going to do my best here to get through this. Oh, Jesus, you don't want to hear that.
I'm going to do my best, like a fucking backup.

Speaker 1 I'm going to game manage

Speaker 1 this podcast.

Speaker 1 I was watching Georgia beating the shit out of fucking the Texas Longhorns, and then they started coming back, but I think they held them off.

Speaker 1 I saw until the third quarter, and then my kids came in, and that was the end of that. I missed all the pro football.
I saw the scores. I hate to tell you this, but the fucking...

Speaker 1 Betting against the Patriots every week has just been a lock for me.

Speaker 1 Not only are they not winning, they're not even remotely coming close to fucking cover and spreads.

Speaker 1 How about Michigan losing to the fight in a lion-eye? And how about those helmets that the fighting a lioney had? Those things were the shit.

Speaker 1 And how about this? And how about that?

Speaker 1 And how about, how the fuck do you say jet-lagged? I mean,

Speaker 1 I can't remember. Anyway, I'm just going to do that the whole fucking thing.
My back is better. Finally, here's one for you.

Speaker 1 Here's a back stretch I came up with on the plane because sitting down has been messing up my back.

Speaker 1 If you have like that back pain, that's like, you know, in like your lower back, you know, it's funny some listener goes like, maybe you have kidney stones.

Speaker 1 Kidney stones. I thought I had back pain, but I had fucking kidney stones.
I think I would know the difference between throwing out my fucking back and passing a kidney stone.

Speaker 1 Throwing out your back is one thing. I've seen, I saw Joe Bartnick pass a fucking kidney stone at the Rose Bowl tailgate.

Speaker 1 That was not back pain.

Speaker 1 So, anyway,

Speaker 1 I kind of came up with this stretch that really worked for me. So, you're sitting there, right?

Speaker 1 You're in the airplane chair there.

Speaker 1 And I cross my because it's my lower left back, right? So I cross my left leg

Speaker 1 over my right, and I have my foot resting right on the knee, the left foot resting on my right knee, basically that.

Speaker 1 Then I reach up

Speaker 1 with my left hand and stretch over to the right, and I take my right hand, and I press down on the knee of my left leg. And then with my right foot, I lift up

Speaker 1 onto the ball of it.

Speaker 1 Why would I think an audio you could understand that

Speaker 1 opened the hip up and kind of freed up the nerve? Because I was really worried that I was going to be fucking 10 hours on a plane and I was going to be in traction this week. So

Speaker 1 oh Billy, oh Billy's having a hell of a day. I made so many rookie mistakes.
I didn't make sure that my luggage wasn't locked. I get it.
They got a fucking bust of things.

Speaker 1 Those goddamn bags. They've been everywhere.
I got my little fucking Paris sticker on it from fucking 10 years ago. I got to start all over again.

Speaker 1 And then I pack my toiletries. I checked the bag.

Speaker 1 And what I usually do pro move here, if you have any sort of liquids, lotions, or anything, you just untwist the cap just a little bit so the air pressure stays the same and then the cap doesn't fucking, you know, burst open during the flight and shoot fucking

Speaker 1 whatever shaving cream lotion or whatever all over the inside of your plastic bag. Oh Billy O for two

Speaker 1 Gonna hear those sirens all week.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 let's

Speaker 1 talk a little sports here. The New York Yankees

Speaker 1 are going to the World Series.

Speaker 1 And you know what's fucking hilarious? I had like three friends of mine, Yankee fans, and they had their head in the oven after

Speaker 1 losing whatever they lost. Game,

Speaker 1 was it three?

Speaker 1 I think it was game three, and they were like, No, this is a devastating loss. I'm like, you're still up two games to one.

Speaker 1 You're a $300 million team going up against a hundred million dollar teams. No, these are the kind of losses that can really affect you.

Speaker 1 They came back and won the next two games.

Speaker 1 I texted one of my friends who's a Yankee fan. I said, don't ever send me another panic text about the Cleveland Guardians.
By the way, why didn't they just go with the tribe?

Speaker 1 Could they have gotten away with that?

Speaker 1 The Cleveland tribe? Could you say, I don't know.

Speaker 1 The Guardians, they just sound like they're fucking rent-a-cops.

Speaker 1 Guardians of the galaxy. Guardians of Lake Erie.

Speaker 1 And I feel like the Dodgers are going to close out the Mets. It's going to be Yankees and Dodgers.
You can have $600 million worth of fucking baseball players out there.

Speaker 1 I haven't looked at like payrolls because I was like, you know, rooting for the Mets.

Speaker 1 I'm going, fuck the Dodgers with their giant payroll. I looked up the Dodgers' payrolls, like $320 million.
Then I looked up the Mets and the Mets, they somehow spent more money.

Speaker 1 But I've been enjoying the baseball,

Speaker 1 but I do have to,

Speaker 1 I keep harping on this. I just think think these home run trots and bat flips are just fucking bizarre.

Speaker 1 And I don't understand why, as a stand-up comedian, I can't drop an F-bomb, but they can clearly be dropping F-bombs right in. Let's fucking go, fucking motherfucking, bitch.

Speaker 1 Yeah, motherfucker, the whole way around the base is.

Speaker 1 I don't understand what the big deal is. People have been hitting home runs in Major League Baseball for over a century, and no one ever needed to do that.

Speaker 1 I don't understand the fucking punching yourself in the chest like Celine Deon, cursing your fucking brains out.

Speaker 1 And then the new thing, too, is I love right before we get to the third base bag, you got to do your little fucking,

Speaker 1 what's that Irish dance with the wooden shoes or whatever the fuck they do? The forbidden dance of the fucking Phantom of the Opera.

Speaker 1 One of those things that people with that like save programs know about. You ever see those sad people?

Speaker 1 They have their programs

Speaker 1 just on the shelf of all the fucking things they went to.

Speaker 1 This is the auto show,

Speaker 1 and then I saw Rave. It was the musical about Burning Man.

Speaker 1 Um, and they just save all of them.

Speaker 1 I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. Uh,

Speaker 1 I'm gonna remember that jet light thing the second I fucking

Speaker 1 stop this podcast. I swear to God.

Speaker 1 What else? Oh, I watched the Moto GP. I'm so caught up with Moto GP, I even saw the sprint.

Speaker 1 How about that fucking crash?

Speaker 1 I can't believe the dude on the yellow bike. I forget his name.
Is it Marco Posecchi?

Speaker 1 I can't believe he didn't break his legs. The way he was raged all in.

Speaker 1 And after they crashed, the other dude was so. Mavic Vinales, was it? He was so fucking mad, he jumped up and he gave the other guy the finger, and the other guy wasn't moving.

Speaker 1 I was joking with that with a buddy of mine.

Speaker 1 And I was like, I think he was just mad. So he jumped up and he gave him the finger.
And then he looked going, like, oh, fuck, that guy isn't moving. Please don't die.

Speaker 1 Because then it's going to be like, how could you give the finger to a man dying after falling off a motorcycle?

Speaker 1 So Jorge Martin

Speaker 1 won the sprint, which is seven points. And then

Speaker 1 Peko Banyay was like, I don't know where the fuck he was. He wasn't in the top floor, four, so all he got was one point.
So I think Jorge picked up six points there.

Speaker 1 And then

Speaker 1 on the main race, I've never seen this happen before. They do the warm-up lap.

Speaker 1 They all come to a stop. Mark Marquez is like, I think he's like second.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, they got those tearaway visors if you get some stuff on it. So he tears away his visor right before the lights go out and the race starts.
And he fucking throws the thing over his shoulder.

Speaker 1 It floats in the air and lands underneath his back tire.

Speaker 1 So when he lets out the clutch and he rolls on the throttle, like he fishtailed. Left, right, left, and like 10 bikes went past him.
He went from second to like 12th.

Speaker 1 And within the first two turns, he had already passed four people.

Speaker 1 It was unbelievable. And he came all the way from back then that horrific start to actually win the race.
And

Speaker 1 he had a great back and forth with Jorge Martin at the end of the race. And I feel like with two laps left, Jorge just said, fuck it.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm picking up another four points on Peko. This will get me, you know,

Speaker 1 I guess 10 points over the weekend more than him.

Speaker 1 I got this weird feeling. I think Mark Marquez might take it.
I don't know how far back he is. Last I checked, he was in third place in the points, but I feel like he's riding better than any of them.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they're kind of saying he turned back the clock or whatever, but I just think he's,

Speaker 1 I don't know what happened. He got his confidence back, but and then also he's riding the Ducati.
I don't know what happened with the Rexall Honda

Speaker 1 or whatever, but it was a great race down under Phillips Island or or something. I don't even know where the fuck that is, but

Speaker 1 I'm all in with that stuff.

Speaker 1 Dude, I'm sorry. My fucking brain is beyond fucking exhausted at this point.
So

Speaker 1 I don't even remember the flight.

Speaker 1 I just got on it and

Speaker 1 I fucking passed out.

Speaker 1 And I woke up. It's funny, like, they always wake you up with, like, an hour left in the flight.
They, like, like wake you up. It's like, why are you waking me up? I'm sleeping.

Speaker 1 She wakes me up. She's like, Do you want breakfast? It's like, who wants breakfast when they're sleeping?

Speaker 1 That's as that's as bizarre a question as if you woke me up and said, Do you want to go play tennis?

Speaker 1 I guess they're anticipating when you got up.

Speaker 1 I think I said yes. I woke up.
I just had a cup of tea and a cassant,

Speaker 1 and that was the end of my flight. I didn't watch one movie.

Speaker 1 It was a really easy flight.

Speaker 1 But now I am completely,

Speaker 1 completely wiped out.

Speaker 1 You know what I keep thinking? I keep thinking au deprix, which means,

Speaker 1 that's too expensive, right? Se chaire,

Speaker 1 au de pris.

Speaker 1 Unaffordable, right? But

Speaker 1 that's what I'm thinking of when I'm trying to think of jet-lagged. It's something like that.
It's like three fucking words.

Speaker 1 All right. Do I need to like shut this off and fucking start over again? You know what? I'm just going to go into the reads.
Guys, this is, fellas and ladies, this is just...

Speaker 1 Oh, I know what I wanted to talk about. I saw that movie, The Wild Robot.

Speaker 1 I saw it with my lovely wife and my two kids. They all loved the movie.
I thought it was a really good movie. Just, you know, a couple of weird messages in the movie that I didn't like.

Speaker 1 You know, not to be an over-protective parent, but I kind of felt, you know,

Speaker 1 there was no father figure. It was all about this single mom robot.

Speaker 1 It was kind of pro-robot in this weird way, where it was kind of saying that in the future, because like the animals on the island didn't get along, predator and prey, and the robot brought them all together.

Speaker 1 And they realized that, you know,

Speaker 1 most of the reasons that they didn't like each other, the animals, was because of fear,

Speaker 1 which was obviously this metaphor for racism and what the fuck's going on in the country. And so then they were kind of saying that a robot with a good heart is going to fix it.

Speaker 1 So basically, the sociopaths who own the robots, somehow one of them is going to be good and they're going to solve all social problems.

Speaker 1 And then, very subtly, there was sort of an anti-ginger message, I felt, in the movie.

Speaker 1 And then they did the usual thing. Somebody's parents die.
I don't understand what the fascination is with kids' movies. Like,

Speaker 1 somebody's parent always has to fucking die.

Speaker 1 Spoiler alert on the wild robot. The thing lands on a fucking nest of birds and fucking kills all of them except for one egg.

Speaker 1 And then the little bird thinks the robots it's its mom.

Speaker 1 That's the jump-off point. The fox tries to eat the bird.
Nobody likes the fox. The fox has red fur.

Speaker 1 All right? And then the fucking bird is a goose, but for some reason they call it, it doesn't have the same coloring as the other geese. It has a red bill, and they call it bright bill.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 they don't like him. until he basically does something to save all of them, which is sort of a reoccurring theme.

Speaker 1 Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, anything with red, everybody hates it, and you're a fucking outcast.

Speaker 1 But if you risk your life and save everybody, like being a deer and flying in fucking IFR without any sort of rating,

Speaker 1 towing this fat fuck who underpays midgets to make fucking toys, if you do that, then everybody will then accept you. If you do something extraordinary as a ginger, they'll let you in.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 then whatever ginger ginger character always accepts their love in the end, which they shouldn't, like Rudolph should have been like, No, fuck you, bitch, you know, fuck all you guys,

Speaker 1 fuck all you guys, fly your fucking slay yourself.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 anyway, but that that is a reoccurring thing, but it's it's still a great movie, it's still a great movie, you know.

Speaker 1 But you know, I don't know what the uh

Speaker 1 I mean, robots are for fucking sociopaths sociopaths who run everything. That's what it's for.

Speaker 1 Like,

Speaker 1 what's his face? Oh my god, the fucking Donald Trump ads are unbelievable.

Speaker 1 It might be the greatest ads ever. This fucking bullshit.
My people, white people, we fall for it every four years that the problem is non-white people and immigrants.

Speaker 1 That's why the middle class is shrinking.

Speaker 1 Not because of the greed of these fucking assholes at the top who are white. No, it's not them.
It's not them. No, no, no, no.
They can't be them. They look like us.
We fall for it every fucking time.

Speaker 1 It's going to happen again. That's my prediction.
I feel like it's going to happen again.

Speaker 1 Build a wall.

Speaker 1 Build a wall.

Speaker 1 There is a wall. And those fucking gated communities you can't even get in.
Those people have infinity pools overlooking fucking infinity pools.

Speaker 1 No, those guys aren't the problem. That's not the problem.
It's this guy over here who doesn't have fucking two nickels to rub together. That's why you lost your farm.

Speaker 1 Every four years. Every four fucking years.

Speaker 1 All right, let's do some reads for this week. Game time, everybody.
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All right.

Speaker 1 Let's get to your questions here for the week.

Speaker 1 What do I got? Tea in Paris.

Speaker 1 Hey, Billy,

Speaker 1 tea tits.

Speaker 1 While you're there, a trip to Mariage

Speaker 1 Ferré

Speaker 1 would be in order.

Speaker 1 It's, in my opinion, consistently the best tea on earth, and that shop is like stepping back in time a hundred years. It's phenomenal, and I think you'd enjoy it.

Speaker 1 La Maison des Troité,

Speaker 1 okay, is also worth checking out. She knows her stuff, and it's great.
It's a great space to spend time in too. Enjoy Paris, you ginger cunt.

Speaker 1 Oh, that would be fantastic that reminds me. I went to a coffee shop when I was in Athens

Speaker 1 And it was a hundred years old and they had all kinds of crazy coffees. So maybe I'm getting the tea version of this mariage frère

Speaker 1 It's something brothers

Speaker 1 Okay, I will try it out

Speaker 1 Maybe I'll try like black tea or something. I just kind of go with the

Speaker 1 the green tea. Oh Billy green tea.
You know, it has a lot of antioxidants. Somebody's telling me if a kiwi is really good to stave off lung cancer if you smoke a lot.

Speaker 1 There was another thing claiming that kiwis, like, rebuild your DNA.

Speaker 1 I mean, how do I know this isn't coming from the kiwi lobby? You know, and how do I know where that kiwi was made?

Speaker 1 And fucking what's in it? I have no idea.

Speaker 1 However, I've been eating kiwis lately. They're fucking delicious.

Speaker 1 Bill Burr for Kiwis. You should have one.
They're fucking delicious.

Speaker 1 Yank Pep Talk.

Speaker 1 Dear Billy in the city Hillbilly. Love and good vibes from Germany

Speaker 1 by way of Scotland.

Speaker 1 Oh, he's a great kunt. Top kunt.

Speaker 1 I know you Yanks have a lot of moral issues to deal with

Speaker 1 during this time.

Speaker 1 What does that mean? Is that all the weirdos into politics? And yeah, you got a history of messing up some things, to put it short.

Speaker 1 But I just

Speaker 1 want you to know that you've still got an amazing country and more freedoms than most of the world.

Speaker 1 Even when I shit on you, fuckers, which is a lot, I have great respect for the American cowboy attitude that helped shed

Speaker 1 your lives

Speaker 1 of a queen. Excited for all your future work.

Speaker 1 Love to the family back west.

Speaker 1 No, we're still,

Speaker 1 we're still, this is an English colony. We just broke free of them.
We still have all of their,

Speaker 1 I don't know, it's weird. We still like look to them.

Speaker 1 Like I was doing this bit in my act where like Even in America, like if you have some shit business and you want it to sound better, your outgoing message, you hire a voice actor that does like a British accent.

Speaker 1 Like, hello, you've reached TC by TCBY yogurt or whatever. It's like, what, what the fuck? You know,

Speaker 1 that all goes back to

Speaker 1 them colonizing this place and then sort of dangling the carrot that if you spoke the king's English, that you could ascend this ladder up to the castle or whatever. And it was all fucking bullshit.

Speaker 1 It's Amway. It's Amway.
You're not moving up. All right, you needed to get in early.

Speaker 1 Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend.

Speaker 1 If you quiz me, if my life was on the line and asked me what I said in the last three minutes, I would have no idea.

Speaker 1 Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. Hey, Billy Boy, I'm 27 years.
Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. What is with this lingering shit?

Speaker 1 I'm 27 and lived with my girlfriend of three years. She's also 27.

Speaker 1 Throughout our relationship, we've had disagreements about the amount of contact she still has with her ex, who she dated for five years.

Speaker 1 When we first started dating, she wanted to go and meet him for lunch so they could get closer, closure, which I said, yeah, they're still fucking, dude.

Speaker 1 Which I said yes to, thinking that would be the end of that for her. Then later on,

Speaker 1 Yeah, don't date somebody that still needs to have closure with somebody else.

Speaker 1 Then later on, I I noticed they were still texting regularly about new restaurants and movies and things they enjoyed. Yeah, they're still banging.

Speaker 1 I told her that I wasn't comfortable with that and it should stop.

Speaker 1 I then found out when she was going for a new job that she had still been texting him and even calling him to talk about things and getting advice and saw messages from him saying things like,

Speaker 1 Don't worry, remember how great you are, babe.

Speaker 1 Yeah, bullshit, right? Yeah, I I would say that is bullshit. So we had a big fight and we didn't talk for a while and she came back apologizing, saying it would never happen again.

Speaker 1 And I made it clear that it can't ever happen again. Oh boy.
You're like Robert De Niro in Casino right now. You're letting Sharon Stone back in.

Speaker 1 Not Sharon Stone, her character, before anybody starts any shit here.

Speaker 1 Now here we are living together. And she went to a work function the other night and I just found out there was no work function.
She went to dinner with the guy and didn't tell me about it.

Speaker 1 I found out by going on her phone and seeing messages

Speaker 1 about them planning this a week in advance. I asked her if she'd done this before and she said only for coffee when they have met up.

Speaker 1 She's given a few different excuses like I just wanted closure to put him behind me. Parentheses, he writes again.

Speaker 1 Yeah, she's not over that sky.

Speaker 1 And they're still banging. And that dinner was so I could tell him that we can't keep in contact.

Speaker 1 Parentheses, he writes, why do you need to go to dinner, book a movie, and have two bottles of wine to discuss that?

Speaker 1 Yeah, dude, you know, you don't need to be fucking Colombo here to figure this one up.

Speaker 1 I'm a public sector shift worker and work nights every four days, so it's difficult to be away so much not trusting someone.

Speaker 1 We're trying to work things out, but it's been three months since that, and I am still just as unhappy, and things don't feel the same.

Speaker 1 Am I wrong for wanting to break up with her and not work this out? Thank you and go fuck yourself. No, dude, you're saving your life by breaking up with her.

Speaker 1 Do not marry and start a family with someone that's going behind your back like this, okay?

Speaker 1 Look, I don't know who she is. I don't know what's going on, but she's still banging that guy, is what my gut's saying.
It's fucking ridiculous. It's ridiculous.

Speaker 1 it's not fair to you it's not fair to your country and it's not fair to the fucking great barrier reef i don't know i don't know what it just get out of it break up with her um

Speaker 1 i can't believe you stuck around this long

Speaker 1 so two things you need to break up with her and figure out why you put up with this shit for that long and i'm not judging you because i've been there when i was younger I was an idiot.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 But

Speaker 1 you're not married. You You don't have any kids.
You can just fucking walk away from this. And it's a learning lesson.
You learned what you don't want.

Speaker 1 All right. Now, why don't you go out there and try to find, you know, stay single for a minute.
Shake this one off.

Speaker 1 Get your closure. So you're not trying to get closure.

Speaker 1 You know, it'd be fun. You know, it'd be amazing.

Speaker 1 There's like a 30% chance you break up with her and she's still going to be meeting you to get closer. And then she's going to be paying.

Speaker 1 maybe that's her thing I don't know

Speaker 1 anyway uh good on you good on you reaching out talk to your friends I'm sure all your friends will fucking tell you to walk away from her but I'm just happy that you're not married you don't have any kids all right YouTube wreck recommendation I guess hey Bill just wanted to tip just wanted to tip you about Simon Fordman,

Speaker 1 one of the best channels on YouTube, a young guy fixing old cars and motorcycles. No talking, no music, no bullshit, just great filming.

Speaker 1 It's addicting to watch, and even better than power washing driveways.

Speaker 1 Simon Fordman, F-O-R-D-M-A-N.

Speaker 1 I will definitely check that out. Thanks for all the laughs, Bill.
And remember to smile and wave because that's all we can do by now.

Speaker 1 Well, that's fantastic. You know, somebody told me

Speaker 1 that they have a Tesla, right? And the latest update made it a self-driving car. You can still drive it yourself, but it's self-driving.

Speaker 1 I don't understand. Why don't we get to decide

Speaker 1 on things like that?

Speaker 1 Is that what the future is going to be? Self-driving cars?

Speaker 1 And anytime you step out of line, it just drives you to the police station

Speaker 1 so you can get re-educated.

Speaker 1 I don't know. That shit freaks me out, man.

Speaker 1 Anyway, wow. I am definitely jet lagged.
I only did 34 fucking minutes, and I'm literally out of shit to talk about. I don't know what, I don't know what, I don't know who's shot.

Speaker 1 I don't know who's not. I don't know what else to talk about.
You guys are going to have to accept a short one.

Speaker 1 A short one. That's what she said.
You're going to have to accept a short one. That's what she said.

Speaker 1 Podcast this week, just because,

Speaker 1 oh, what is that fucking goddamn expression? I'm going to look it up right now. No, I can't because I'm not online.

Speaker 1 What the fuck is it?

Speaker 1 Something collage or something. I can't remember.
Anyway, I'm going to sleep this shit off. And I'm going to probably be up till like four in the morning tonight,

Speaker 1 you know, watching.

Speaker 1 I don't know what chips or something with subtitles, but whatever. I'm very excited to be here.

Speaker 1 I want to thank everybody that's bought tickets to come see my shows.

Speaker 1 I'm here with my lovely wife. I'm here with Club Soda Kenny.
Bianca Christavao is going to be opening up. It's going to be a great time.

Speaker 1 You know what's funny is I should have done this podcast when I was still in the States, but I was like, no, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to wait.

Speaker 1 until I get to France, and then I'm going to be all excited and I'll have stuff to talk about.

Speaker 1 And what did I have to talk about? I'm here. It's overcast.
They broke my luggage and my lotion went all over my toiletries.

Speaker 1 That's all that's going on.

Speaker 1 Seems pretty nice here. I don't see anybody protesting.
One thing I do love about France is they will fucking protest in a minute. You know,

Speaker 1 that used to happen in the United States, and then they just systematically got rid of it.

Speaker 1 They literally, you could still protest, which is literally a right that you have, and then they're like, no, you can only protest down the street where the media isn't. This is the protest zone.

Speaker 1 You can scream your fucking brains out down the street and away from the TV cameras.

Speaker 1 We somehow put up with that. They can't get prosecuted for insider trading.
We put up with that. And now you can bribe them in the form of a gratuity, according to the Supreme Court.

Speaker 1 And we've had had no fucking problem with that.

Speaker 1 As they're running these fucking ads,

Speaker 1 I saw them actually on one of these ads in California, California.

Speaker 1 They went and they got a veteran who lost his legs in Vietnam.

Speaker 1 They're using what happened to him to try and like trash this other guy

Speaker 1 It's just fucking, it is filthy. This is one of the, just straight across the board, across the nation, this is one of the most filthiest fucking campaigns.

Speaker 1 It's kind of amazing, to be honest with you. The levels.
They're letting immigrants in. And in some cases, they're murderers and rapists.

Speaker 1 It's like this fucking murderers and rapists all over the United States. All over.
Our jails are filled with them. naturalized citizens.

Speaker 1 We can't handle a couple or more.

Speaker 1 Are those the ones that took away the middle class?

Speaker 1 Is that who it was? Or was it a bunch of these fucking tech nerds from Silicon Valley who are consolidating every fucking business? Like that cunt in Sweden who now owns all the music, evidently.

Speaker 1 Nope, it's not that. That's not what it is.

Speaker 1 That's not what it is. It's that family of three that just showed up from Belize.

Speaker 1 They just destroyed the middle class.

Speaker 1 All right, I'm done. I'm not talking about this shit anymore.

Speaker 1 I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm either going to fall asleep for eight hours or I'm going to go.
Oh, you know what sucks is I can't fucking smoke over here.

Speaker 1 I'm still in the middle of my cigar thebatical

Speaker 1 83 days

Speaker 1 and

Speaker 1 This is a huge smoking city. Every other block you just see tobacco big fucking red sign.
One of my favorite cigar shops

Speaker 1 near the Louvre

Speaker 1 is.

Speaker 1 I'm still going to have to go there and buy a few.

Speaker 1 You know? Oh my God. I just want to sit in a fucking cafe.

Speaker 1 Drink fucking coffee. and smoke cigars, but I'm not going to do that because I can't.
I'm this close. I promised my daughter I wasn't going to smoke for a hundred fucking days.

Speaker 1 So that's what I'm going to do. All right, so that's it.
By the way, I'm doing Comics Come Home again. Dennis Leary, Cam Neely, November 3rd at the TD Bank North Boston Garden.

Speaker 1 I've yet to watch a Bruins game this year.

Speaker 1 I've been

Speaker 1 troll occupé.

Speaker 1 I've been super busy. Super.

Speaker 1 Super

Speaker 1 occupe.

Speaker 1 Oh, I can't wait to fucking be butchering French in between my jokes. It's going to be great.

Speaker 1 You know?

Speaker 1 And then when they yell at me in English, it'll be like, you know, your fucking English isn't good either. You're mispronouncing like literally almost every fucking word is mispronounced.

Speaker 1 But I don't act like it's an abomination. And I can't understand what you're saying.
You know what the fuck I'm saying.

Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 You bere wearing cunt.

Speaker 1 It's going to be fun.

Speaker 1 And when I return,

Speaker 1 I have

Speaker 1 be back in a raise room. But I do have some goals with my LA Cop there.

Speaker 1 where I want to solo to. There's three airports I want to go to

Speaker 1 and that are like outside the LA basin

Speaker 1 and uh

Speaker 1 all of them are really fun flights. I just don't have the fucking time.
You know, I was gonna fly on Saturday,

Speaker 1 but you know, I was hanging with the wife and kids. I can't leave.
I'm going to, I'm here for a few days. I wasn't going to see my kids for a couple days, so it's like, all right, I can't fucking

Speaker 1 I can't take off here, right?

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I didn't end up flying or whatever.
I don't even know what the fuck I'm talking about. I apologize.
I'm gonna go to sleep and uh

Speaker 1 hope you guys uh have a good day. Bon journet,

Speaker 1 adamas,

Speaker 1 abiento, au voir.

Speaker 1 And uh,

Speaker 1 if you're here in Paris, I hope to see you at the shows the next three nights. I still can't believe I'm doing shows here.
It's fucking amazing. Um, I'll make up for this short podcast

Speaker 1 next week, all right.

Speaker 1 La cement prochende. Okay, au voice.