Monday Morning Podcast 10-21-24

hey what's going on it's bill burr and it's time for the monday morning podcast for monday october 21st 2024 you hear that you hear that what's going on how are you hope you could hear that that was one of those sirens that you're hearing in europe uh just we are paris man now uh jay are you i don't know those two hours ago yeah just we see a repas que jay toa performances seths a man And one, jeudi soir Deux, mercredi soir. Trois.
Lundi, mardi, mercredi. Jeudi soir.
Et puis, je suis fin. That's it.
Anyway, I am out here and couldn't have a good time doing my act in English, obviously.

In between, I'm going to be fucking trying out my French and all of that shit.

It's been a long time.

I haven't been here in like three years.

It's overcast or whatever, but I am jet lagged.

I used to know how to say jet lagged in French.

I can't fucking remember. I don't lagged.
I used to know how to say jet lagged in French. I can't fucking remember.

I don't fucking remember.

Anyway, they broke my fucking luggage because like an asshole.

I didn't realize, you know, you know, stupid fucking locks.

First of all, it's a plastic lock.

It's so dumb.

So I don't know.

I'm just putting the luggage in the car. If the numbers switch so they were locked.
You know, terrorism. They got to break the fucking things open.
So, I get my luggage. My clothes are hanging out of it and shit.
They broke both bags. Fucking ass but i get it fucking asshole terrorists

and uh colonists whatever the fuck you call them whoever created the terrorists the english i'm blaming the english i'm blaming the english um the english is so fucking bad they create even white terrorists against them.

They literally... English is so fucking bad, they create even like white, there's even white terrorists against them.

They literally piss everybody off.

Anyway, and we're following in their footsteps because we got their fucking blood in us.

And with that, and with that, and with that, this is the podcast uh i wish i wasn't so tired um i'm gonna do my best here to get through this oh jesus you don't want to hear that i'm gonna do my best like a fucking backup i'm gonna game i'm gonna game manage this podcast um i was watching Georgia beating the shit out of fucking the texas longhorns and then they started coming back but i think they held them off i saw until the third quarter and then my kids came in and uh that was the end of that i missed all the pro football i saw the scores i hate to tell you this but the fucking betting betting against the Patriots every week has just been a lock for me. Not only are they not winning, they're not even remotely coming close to fucking covering spreads.
How about Michigan losing to the fight in the Lion Eye? And how about those helmets that the fighting in the Lion Eye had? Those things were the shit. And how about this? And how about that? and how about those helmets that the fighting a lion I had, those things were the shit.
And how about this? And how about that? And how about, how the fuck do you say jet lagged? I mean, I can't remember. Anyway, I'm just going to do that the whole fucking thing.
My back is better. Finally, here's one for you.
Here's a back stretch I came up with on the plane because sitting down has been messing up my back um if you have like that back pain that's like you know in like your lower back you know it's funny some listener goes like maybe you have kidney stones kidney stones i thought i had back pain but i had fucking kidney stones i think i would know the difference between throwing out my fucking back and passing a kidney stone throwing out your back is one thing i've seen i saw joe bartnick pass a fucking kidney stone at uh the rose bowl tailgate um that was not back pain so anyway i kind of came up with this this stretch that really worked for me so you're sitting there right you're in you're in the airplane chair there and uh I cross my because it's lower my lower left back right so I cross my left leg over my right and I have my foot resting right on the knee, the left foot resting on my right knee, basically that. Then I reach up with my left hand and stretch over to the right, and I take my right hand and I press down on the knee of my left leg, and then with my right foot foot I lift up onto the ball of it why would I think an audio you could understand that opened the hip up and kind of freed up the nerve because I was really worried that I was going to be fucking 10 hours on a plane and I was going to be in traction this week so oh Billy oh Billy'sy's having a hell of a day i made so many rookie mistakes i didn't make sure that my luggage wasn't locked i get it they got a fucking bust of things those goddamn bags they've been everywhere i got my little fucking paris sticker on it from fucking 10 years ago i gotta start all over again um and then i pack my toiletries i check the bag and what i usually do pro move here if you have any sort of liquids lotions or anything you just untwist the cap just a little bit so the air pressure stays the same and then the cap doesn't fucking you know burst open during the flight and shoot fucking whatever shaving cream lotion or whatever, all over the inside of your plastic bag.
Oh, Billy, 0 for 2. Going to hear those sirens all week.
Wee, no, nee, no, nee, no. Anyway, let's talk a little sports here.
The New York Yankees are going to the World Series. and uh you know it's fucking hilarious i had like three friends of mine yankee fans and they had their head in the oven after losing whatever they lost game was it three i think it was game three and they were like no this is a devastating loss i like, you're still up two games to one.
You're a $300 million team going up against a $100 million team. No, these are the kind of losses that can really affect you.
They came back and won the next two games. I texted one of my friends who's a Yankee fan.
I said, don't ever send me another panic text about the Cleveland Guardians. By the way, why didn't they just go with the tribe? Could they have gotten away with that? The Cleveland tribe? Could you say, I don't know.
The Guardians, they just sound like they're fucking rent-a-cops. Guardians of the Galaxy.
Guardians of Lake Erie. And I feel like the Dodgers are going to close out the Mets.
It's going to be Yankees and Dodgers. You can have $600 million worth of fucking baseball players out there.
I haven't looked at, like, payrolls because I was, like, you know, rooting for the Mets the mets i'm going fuck the dodgers with their giant payroll i looked up the dodgers payrolls like 320 million then i looked up the mets and the mets they somehow spent more money um but uh i've been enjoying the baseball and uh but i do have to i i i i keep harping on this i just think these home run trots and bat flips are just fucking bizarre and i don't understand why as a stand-up comedian i can't drop an f-bomb but they can clearly be dropping f-bombs right in let's fucking go fucking motherfucking bitch yeah motherfucker the whole way around the basis i don't understand what the big deal is people have been hitting home runs in major league baseball for over a century and no one ever needed to do that i don't understand the fucking punching yourself in the chest like celine dion cursing your fucking brains out and then my and then the new thing too is i love right before we get to the third base bag you got to do your little fucking uh what's that irish dance with the wooden shoes or whatever the fuck they do the forbidden dance of the fucking phantom of the opera One of those things that people with that like save programs know about. Never see those sad people.
They have their programs just on the shelf of all the fucking things they went to. This is the auto show.
And then I saw Raveave it was a musical about burning man um and they just save all of them

i don't even know what the fuck i'm talking about uh i'm gonna remember that jet lag thing the second

i fucking stopped this podcast i swear to god um what else oh i watched the moto gp

Thank you. stop this podcast i swear to god um what else oh i watched the moto gp i'm so caught up with moto gp i even saw the sprint how about that fucking crash i can't believe the dude on the yellow bike i forget his name is it marco pisecki um i can't believe he didn't break his legs the way he was ragdolling and after they crashed the other dude was so Maverick Vinales was it he was so fucking mad he jumped up and he gave the other guy the finger and the other guy wasn't moving I was joking with that with a buddy of mine and I was like I think he was he was just mad.
So he jumped up and he gave him the finger. And then he looked going like, oh, fuck, that guy isn't moving.
Please don't die. Because then it's going to be like, how could you give the finger to a man dying after falling off a motorcycle? So Jorge Martin won the sprint, which is seven points.
and then Pekka Pek peco beigni was like i don't know where the fuck he was he wasn't in the top floor four so all he got was one point so i think jorge picked up six points there and then uh on the main race i've never seen this happen before they do the warm-up lap they all come to a stop Mark Marquez is like

I think he's like second. And, you know, they got those tear-away visors if he gets some stuff on it.
So he tears away his visor right before the lights go out and the race starts. And he fucking throws the thing over his shoulder.
It floats in the air and lands underneath his back tire. so when he lets out the clutch and he fucking throws the thing over his shoulder it floats in the air and lands underneath his back tire so when he lets out the clutch and he rolls on the throttle like he fishtailed left right left and at like 10 bikes went past him he went from second to like 12th and within the first two turns he had already passed four people it was unbelievable and he came all the way from back then that horrific start to actually win the race and um he had a great back and forth with uh jorge martin at the end of the race and i feel like with two laps left jorge just said fuck it you know i'm picking up another four points on peco get me, you know, I guess 10 points over the weekend more than him.
I got this weird feeling. I think Marc Marquez might take it.
I don't know how far back he is. Last I checked, he was in third place in the points.
But I feel like he's riding better than any of them. And they're kind of saying he turned back the clock or whatever but i just

think he's i don't know what happened he got his confidence back but and then also he's he's riding the ducati i don't know what happened with the the rexall honda or whatever but it was a great race down under in phillips island or something i don't even know where the fuck that is but uh I'm all in with that stuff

um

dude I'm all in with that stuff. Dude, I'm sorry.
My fucking brain is beyond fucking exhausted at this point. So I don't even remember the flight.
I just got on it and I fucking passed out and I woke up. It's funny.
They they, they always wake you up with like an hour left in the flight. They like wake you up.
It's like, why are you waking me up? I'm sleeping. She wakes me up.
She's like, do you want breakfast? It's like, who wants breakfast when they're sleeping? That's as, that's as bizarre a question as if you woke me up and said do you want to go play tennis um i guess they're anticipating when you get up i think i said yes i woke up i just had a cup of tea and a croissant and uh that was the end of my flight i didn't watch one movie um it was a really easy flight. But now I am completely wiped out.
You know what I keep thinking? I keep thinking Eau Dupree, which means that's too expensive, right? Say Cher, Eau Dupree, unaffordable, right? But that's what I'm thinking of when i'm trying to think of jet lagged it's something like that it's like three fucking words um all right do i need to like shut this off and fucking start over again you know what i'm just going to go into the reads this guys this is fellas and ladies this is. Oh, I know what I wanted to talk about.
I saw that movie, The Wild Robot. I saw it with my lovely wife and my two kids.
They all loved the movie. I thought it was a really good movie.
Just, you know, a couple of weird messages in the movie that I didn't like. You know, not to be an overprotective parent, but I kind of felt, you know, there was no father figure.
It was all about this single mom robot. It was kind of pro-robot in this weird way where it was kind of saying that in the future, because like the animals on the island didn't get along predator and prey and the robot brought them all together.
And they realized that, you know, most of the reasons that they didn't like each other, the animals was because of fear, which was obviously this metaphor for racism and what the fuck's going on in the country. And so then they were kind of saying that a robot with a good heart is going to fix it.
So basically the sociopaths who own the robots,

somehow one of them is going to be good

and they're going to solve all social problems.

And then very subtly,

there was sort of an anti-ginger message I felt in the movie.

And then they did the usual thing. Somebody's parents die.
I don't understand what the fascination is with kids movies like the somebody's parent always has to fucking die spoiler alert on the wild robot the thing lands on a fucking nest of birds and fucking kills all of them except for one egg and And then the little bird thinks the robots, it's its mom.

That's the jump off point.

The fox tries to eat the bird.

Nobody likes the fox.

The fox has red fur.

All right.

And then the fucking bird is a goose.

But for some reason, they call it, it doesn't have the same coloring as the other geese. It has a red bill and they call it bright bill.
And, uh, they don't like him until he basically does something to save all of them, which is sort of a reoccurring theme. Rudolph the red nose reindeer, anything with red, everybody hates it and you're a fucking outcast.
But if you risk your life and save everybody, like being a deer and flying in fucking IFR without any sort of rating, towing this fat fuck who underpays midgets to make fucking toys, if you do that, then everybody will then accept you. If you do something extraordinary as a ginger ginger they'll let you in and uh and then whatever ginger character always accepts their love in the end which they shouldn't

like rudolph should have been like no fuck you bitch you know fuck all you guys

fuck all you guys fly your fucking slay yourself

um anyway but that that is a reoccurring thing but it's it's still a great movie

Thank you. Fuck all you guys.
Fly your fucking slay yourself. Anyway, but that is a reoccurring thing, but it's still a great movie.

It's still a great movie, you know.

But, you know, I don't know what the...

I mean, robots are for fucking sociopaths who run everything.

That's what it's for.

Like, what's's for. Like,

what's his face? Oh my God, the fucking Donald Trump ads are unbelievable.

Might be the

greatest ads ever. This fucking bullshit.

My people,

white people, we fall for it every four years

that the problem is

non-white people and immigrants.

That's why the middle class is shrinking.

Not because of the greed

of these fucking assholes

at the top who are white.

No, it's not them.

It's not them.

No, no, no, no.

They can't be them.

They look like us.

We fall for it every fucking time.

It's going to happen again.

That's my prediction.

I feel like it's going to happen again. Build a wall.
Build a wall. There is a wall.
Those fucking gated communities you can't even get in. Those people have infinity pools overlooking fucking infinity pools.
No, those guys aren't the problem. That's not the problem.
It's this guy over here who doesn't have fucking two nickels to rub together that's why you lost your farm um every four years every four fucking years um all right let's do some reads for this week game time everybody game time has a new feature called game time picks that makes getting tickets for your favorite live events even easier game time picks filters out the fluff to show you only incredible deals on great seats so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets. Priority.
Game time. Picks.
Curation makes it easier to save more on sports, concerts, comedy, theater, etc. All in pricing.
Toggling this feature shows the total up front with no surprise fees at checkout. Seat views.
Get a panoramic view from your seat in the app before you buy. You know something? I have this theory that the person who created the machine that pumps crowd noise into like SoFi Stadium and places like that.

Yeah, that same guy makes the exhausts on Camaros and Mustangs. Because those things are so fucking loud.
And the cars most of the time, and I'm not talking about the Shelbys or like the Z28s. I'm not talking about those.
I mean, the other ones. Those loud exhausts and they're going nowhere.
Fucking two miles later,

you're like still like right next to him.

The lowest price guarantee or game time will credit you

110% off the difference.

Game time ticket coverage.

Your purchase is covered with the most flexible

customer service policy

in the ticketing industry take the guesswork out of buying tickets with game time download the game time app create an account and use the code burr b-u-r-r for twenty dollars off your first purchase terms apply again create an account and redeem code um spell out burr b-u-r-r for twenty20 off download game time today what time is it all right simply safe everyone jesus christ uh simply safe if you're like me the safety of your home and loved ones isn't just a priority it's everything the problem is old school home security systems only take action once someone is already inside your home. Simply Safe Home Security is changing that with its new Active Guard Outdoor Protection.
It's the only home security designed to prevent crimes before they happen. With Active Guard, Simply Safe's 24-7 monitoring agents keep a close watch over your, and actually stop crimes before they happen.
The cameras use advanced AI to tell the difference between friendly faces like family and neighbors and potential threats alerting agents to suspicious individuals before they get to your home. I love advanced AI.
Everybody's all into AI. These agents can talk directly to the intruder, sound a loud siren, flashlights, and even alert the police, while other systems only react.
Well, I would hope you would alert the police. What are you just going to fucking put on a show for them? While other systems only react after a break-in, SimpliSafe combines live monitoring and proactive protection both outside and inside your home.
That's why I trust SimpliSafe with my own home security system every day, and I want you to have that same peace of mind. Protect your home with 50% off a new SimpliSafe system, plus a free indoor security camera when you sign up for fast protect monitoring.
Just visit simplisafe.com slash

burr. That's S-I-M-P-L-I-S-A-F-E dot com slash burr.
There's no safe like SimpliSafe. All right.
Lastly, but not leastly, policy genius. You know, we put a lot of time into, we put a lot into the time we spend with our loved ones.
Extend that care, comfort, and peace of mind to what happens when you're gone. 41% of people don't have life insurance coverage, don't have the life insurance coverage they need.
Policy Genius makes finding and buying life insurance a breeze. With Policy Genius, you can find life insurance policies that start at just $292 per year for $1 million of coverage.
Same options are 100% online and let you avoid unnecessary medical exams. Compare quotes from America's top insurers side by side for free with no hidden fees.
Their licensed support team helps you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life. They answer questions and handle paperwork and advocate for you throughout the process.
I feel like I'm fucking that speaker at a goddamn graduation right now. You just like wrap it up.
Life insurance is a form of financial planning and Policy Genius is the country's leading online insurance marketplace. Even if you already have life insurance through work, it may not protect all of your family's needs or follow you if you leave the job.
Join thousands of happy Policy Genius customers who left five-star reviews on Google and Trustpilot. Save time and money on providing a financial safety net for your family.
Head to PolicyGenius.com slash Burr or click the link in the description to get your free life insurance quotes and see how much you could save. That's PolicyGenius.com.
All right, let's get to your questions here for the week. What do I got? Tea in Paris.
Hey, Billy, tea tits. While you're there, a trip to Mariage Ferrer would be in order.
It's, in my opinion, consistently the best tea on earth. And that shop is like stepping back in time a hundred years.
It's phenomenal. And I think you'd enjoy it.
Uh, La Maison des Trois T. Um, okay.
Is also worth checking out. She knows her stuff and it's great.
It's a great space to spend time in, too.

Enjoy parish, you ginger cunt.

Oh, that would be fantastic.

That reminds me, I went to a coffee shop when I was in Athens,

and it was 100 years old, and they had all kinds of crazy coffee.

So maybe I'm getting the tea version of this, Mariage Frere.

Something brothers. Okay, I will try it out.
Maybe I'll try like black tea or something. I just kind of go with the green tea.
Oh, Billy Green Tea. You know, it has a lot of antioxidants.
Somebody's telling me a kiwi is really good to stave off lung cancer if you

smoke a lot. There was another thing claiming that kiwis like rebuild your DNA.
I mean,

how do I know this isn't coming from the kiwi lobby? You know, and how do I know where that

kiwi was made and fucking what's in it? I have idea however I've been eating kiwis lately they're fucking delicious um bill burr for kiwis you should have one they're fucking delicious uh yank pep talk uh dear billy in the city hillb. Love and good vibes from Germany by way of Scotland.
Oh, he's a great kunt. Top kunt.
I know you Yanks have a lot of moral issues to deal with during this time. What does that mean? Is that all the weirdos into politics? And yeah, you got a history of messing up some things, to put it short.
But I just want you to know that you've still got an amazing country and more freedoms than most of the world. Even when I shit on you fuckers, which is a lot, I have great respect for the American cowboy attitude that helps shed

your lives of a queen. Excited for all your future work.
Love to the family back west. No, we're still, we're still, this is an English colony.
We just broke free of them. We still have all of their, I don't know.
It's weird. We still like look to them.
Like I was doing this bit in my act where like, even in America, like if you have some shit business and you want it to sound better, your outgoing message, you hire a voice actor that does like a British accent. Like, hello, you've reached TCBY yogurt or whatever.
It's like, what the fuck? You know, that all goes back to them colonizing this place and then sort of dangling the carrot that if you spoke the king's English that you could ascend this ladder up to the castle or whatever and it was all fucking bullshit. It's Amway.
It's Amway. You're not moving up.
All right. You needed to get in early.
Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. If you quiz me, if my life was on the line and asked me what I said in the last three minutes, I would have no idea.
Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. Hey, Billy boy, I'm 27 years.
Girlfriend's ex-boyfriend. What is with this lingering shit? I'm 27 and live with my girlfriend of three years.
She's also 27. Throughout our relationship, we've had disagreements about the amount of contact she still has with her ex, who she dated for five years.
When we first started dating, she wanted to go and meet him for lunch so they could get closer, closure, which I said, yeah, they're still fucking, dude, which I said yes to thinking that would be the end of that for her. Then later on, yeah, don't date somebody that still needs to have closure with somebody else.
Then later on, I noticed they were still texting regularly about new restaurants and movies and things they enjoyed. Yeah, they're still banging.
I told her that I wasn't comfortable with that and it should stop. I then found out when she was going for a new job that she had still been texting him and even calling him to talk about things and getting advice and saw messages from him saying things like, don't worry, remember how great you are, babe.
Yeah, bullshit, right? Yeah, I would say that is bullshit. So we had a big fight and we didn't talk for a while and she came back apologizing, saying it would never happen again.
And I made it clear that it can't ever happen again. Oh boy.
You're like Robert De Niro in Casino right now. You're letting Sharon Stone back in.
Not Sharon Stone, her character, before anybody starts any shit here. Now here we are living together.
And she went to a work function the other night. and I just found out there was no work function.
She went to dinner with the guy and didn't tell me about it. I found out by going on her phone and seeing messages about them planning this a week in advance.
I asked her if she'd done this before, and she said only for coffee when they have met up. She's given a few different excuses like, I just wanted closure to put him behind me.
Parentheses, he writes again. Yeah, she's not over that guy.
And they're still banging. And that dinner was so I could tell him that we can't keep in contact.
Parentheses, he writes, why do you need to go to dinner?

Book a movie and have two bottles of wine to discuss that? Yeah, dude, you know, you don't need to be fucking Columbo here to figure this one out. I'm a public sector shift worker and work nights every four days.
So it's difficult to be away so much, not trusting someone. We're trying to work

things out, but it's been three months since that, and I am still just as unhappy, and things don't

feel the same. Am I wrong for wanting to break up with her and not work this out? Thank you,

and go fuck yourself. No, dude, you're saving your life by breaking up with her.

Do not marry and start a family with someone that's going behind your back like this, okay? Look, I don't know who she is. I don't know what's going on, but she's still banging that guy is what my gut's saying.
It's fucking ridiculous. It's ridiculous.
It's not fair to you. It's not fair to your country.
And it's not fair to the fucking Great Barrier Reef. I don't know.
I don't know what. It just, get out of it.
Break up with her. I can't believe you stuck around this long.
So two things. You need to break up with her and figure out why you put up with this shit for that long.
And I'm not judging you because I've been there when I was younger. I was an idiot.
All right. But you're not married.
You don't have any kids. You can just fucking walk away from this.
And it's a learning lesson. You learned what you don't want.
All right. Now, why don't you go out there and try to find, you know, stay single for a minute.
Shake this one off. Get your closure so you're not trying to get closure.
you know what would be fun you know what single for a minute shake this one off get your closure so you're not trying to get closure you know it'd be fun you'll be amazing there's there's like a 30 chance you break up with her and she's still going to be meeting you to get closer and then she's going to be maybe that's her thing I don't know anyway uh good on on you reaching out, talk to your friends, I'm sure all your friends will fucking tell you to walk away from her, but I'm just happy that you're not married, you don't have any kids, all right, YouTube wreck, recommendation, I guess, hey Bill, just wanted to tip, just wanted to tip you about Simon Fordman, one of the best channels on YouTube, a young guy fixing old cars and motorcycles. No talking, no music, no bullshit, just great filming.
It's addicting to watch and even better than power washing driveways. Simon Fordman, F-O-R-D-M-A-N.
I will definitely check that out. Thanks for all the laughs, Bill.
And remember, just smile and wave because that's all we can do by now. Well, that's fantastic.
You know, somebody told me that they have a Tesla, right? And the latest update made it a self-driving car. You can still drive it yourself, but it's self-driving.
I don't understand. Why don't we get to decide on things like that? Is that what the future is going to be? Self-driving cars? And anytime you step out of line, it just drives you to the police station so you can get re-educated.

I don't know.

That shit freaks me out man um anyway wow i am definitely jet lagged i only did 34 fucking minutes and i'm literally out of shit to talk about i don't know what i don't know which i don't know who's shot i don't know who's not i don't know what else to talk about. You guys are going to have to accept a short one.
A short one. That's what she said.
You have to accept a short one. That's what she said.
Podcast this week just because. Oh, what is that fucking goddamn expression? I'm going to look it up right now.
No, I can't because I'm not online. What the fuck is it? Something collage or something.
I can't remember. Anyway, I'm going to sleep this shit off and I'm going to probably be up till like four in the morning tonight.
You know, watching. I don't know what chips or something with, but whatever.
I'm very excited to be here. I want to thank everybody that's bought tickets to come see my shows.
I'm here with my lovely wife. I'm here with Club Soda Kenny.
Bianca Cristobal is going to be opening up. It's going to be a great time.
You know what's funny?

I should have done this podcast when I was still in the States,

but I was like, no, I know what I'm going to do.

I'm going to wait until I get to France,

and then I'm going to be all excited,

and I'll have stuff to talk about.

And what did I have to talk about?

I'm here.

It's overcast.

They broke my luggage, and my lotion went all over my toiletries. That's all that's going on.
Seems pretty nice here. I don't see anybody protesting.
One thing I do love about France is they will fucking protest in a minute. You know, that used to happen in the United States and then they just systematically got rid of it.
They literally, you could still protest, which is literally a right that you have. And then they're like, no, you can only protest down the street where the media isn't.
This is the protest zone. You can scream your fucking brains down the street and away from the TV cameras.
We somehow put up with that.

They can't get prosecuted for insider trading. We put up with that.
And now you can bribe them in the form of a gratuity, according to the Supreme Court. And we've had no fucking problem with that.
As they're running these fucking ads. I saw them actually on one of these ads in California.
California. They went and they got a veteran who lost his legs in Vietnam.
They're using what happened to him to try and like trash this other guy it's just fucking it is filthy this is one of the just straight across the board across the nation this is one of the most filthiest fucking campaigns it's kind of amazing to be honest with you the levels they're letting immigrants in in some cases, they're murderers and rapists. It's like there's fucking murderers and rapists all over the United States.
All over. Our jails are filled with them.
Naturalized citizens. We can't handle a couple or more? Are those the ones that took away the middle class? Is that who it was or was it a bunch of these fucking tech nerds from silicon valley who are consolidating every fucking business like that cunt in sweden who now owns all the music evidently um nope it's not that that's not what it is that's not what it is it's that family of three that just showed up from belize they just destroyed the middle class um all right i'm done i'm not talking about this shit anymore uh i don't know what i'm gonna do i'm either gonna fall asleep for eight hours or i'm gonna go oh you know what sucks I can't fucking smoke over here.
I'm still in the middle of my cigar sabbatical. 83 days.
And, uh, this is a huge smoking city. Every other block you just see tabac, big fucking red sign.
One of my favorite cigar shops near the Louvre is... I'm still going to have to go there and buy a few.
You know? Oh, my God. I just want to sit in a fucking cafe, drink fucking coffee and smoke cigars, but I'm not going to do that because I can't, I'm this close.
I promised my daughter I wasn't going to smoke for a hundred fucking days. So that's what I'm going to do.
All right. So that's it.
By the way, I'm doing comics, come home again, Dennis Leary, Cam Neely, November 3rd at the TD Bank, North Boston Garden. I've yet to watch a Bruins game this year.

I've been...

I've been super busy.

Super.

Super.

Occupé.

I can't wait to fucking be butchering French in between my jokes.

It's going to be great.

You know?

And then when they yell at me in English, she'll be like, you know, your fucking English isn't good either.

You're mispronouncing like literally almost every fucking word is mispronounced.

But I don't act like it's an abomination.

And I can't understand what you're saying. You know what the fuck i'm saying all right you beret wearing cunt um it's gonna be fun and when i return i have uh I'll be back in the writer's room.
But I do have some goals with my helicopter where I want to solo to. There's three airports I want to go to that are outside the L.A.
basin. And all of them are really fun flights.
I just don't have the fucking time you know i was gonna fly on saturday but you know i was hanging with the wife and kids i can't leave i'm going to i'm here for a few days i was gonna see my kids for a couple days so it's like all right i can't fucking i can't take off here right so um i don't know i didn't end up flying or whatever i don't know what the fuck i'm talking about i apologize i'm gonna go to sleep and uh i hope you guys uh have a good day bonjourne journée. A demain.

A bientôt.

Au revoir.

And if you're here in Paris, I hope to see you

at the shows the next three nights. I still can't

believe I'm doing shows here. It's fucking amazing.

I'll make up for this short podcast

next

week. All right?

La semaine prochaine. prochaine okay au revoir