Monday Morning Podcast 10-14-24

Speaker 1 Give it up for Chicago.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco's new stand-up special, It Ain't Right, is coming to Hulu on November 21st.

Speaker 1 30 years ago, Jeff Bezos, complete nerd. Bezos now ripped to shreds on his super yacht, and the boxes keep

Speaker 1 coming.

Speaker 2 Sebastian Maniscalco, It Ain't Right, premieres November 21st, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney Plus for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

Speaker 1 Hey, what's going on? It's Bill Burr and it's time for the Monday morning podcast for Monday.

Speaker 1 Well, I don't know what, October 13th. We're going to say this the 13th.
I have no idea. 2024.

Speaker 1 What's going on? I'm aware.

Speaker 1 How's it going? Oh,

Speaker 1 Billy fucking biscuits over here.

Speaker 1 Trying to get back into working out after the flu. The flu fucked me up.

Speaker 1 I was on my way

Speaker 1 to be in, you know, in shape. And then I just messed up.
I put on like another two, three. So now, you know, I had to stop.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 fucking old man Billy. I got to take a walk.
The hill's too steep. I got to go down it backwards so my knees don't fucking hurt.
I mean, what happened?

Speaker 1 That's something they don't tell you when you get into hiking and you fucking you see these people like you ever like you're on a hike and you think you're hiking at a good pace and somebody jogs past you

Speaker 1 uh if you're into scheiden freud like the germans over there like that person's knees are going to be absolute

Speaker 1 junk

Speaker 1 by the time they're like 50. it's going to be bone on bone however who knows with today's technology

Speaker 1 maybe they'll be able to grow some cottlage for you

Speaker 1 While you're down there at the supermarket or whatever the fuck it is.

Speaker 1 Why is it so goddamn hot in here?

Speaker 1 Well, Bill, because you live in a desert, you know, maybe that's what it is. Oh my god, how many fucking options could there be on this thing?

Speaker 1 Am I the only person that feels like, is it just me?

Speaker 1 That just feels like everything is just fucking,

Speaker 1 it's reached its peak.

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Like, how many more bells and whistles can they add to a fucking automobile? to try and get you to get the new fucking thing.

Speaker 1 Oh, you fucking cunt, this stupid door, just close already.

Speaker 1 I swear to God, when you live in a city that has earthquakes, like, you know, your fucking house, it says, well, it never really stops settling.

Speaker 1 And then you just have like doors and they just like open on their own because you didn't quite close it all the way because your house is slightly leaning, but you haven't really figured that out.

Speaker 1 You know, and then you think your place is haunted. And next thing you know, you're on one of these stupid shows at like

Speaker 1 those ghost hunter shows at like fucking 12 at night. You mean midnight, Bill? Yes, that's what I mean.
Some people say midnight i say 12 at night um

Speaker 1 anyway so uh

Speaker 1 back into the whole workout gang i just gotta you know i also was saying like you know what i can have one cup cup of coffee a week i know you guys are sick of this but like i literally have to do this i just go fucking nuts with something right

Speaker 1 and uh the weekend came and went i was like nah you know you know what I'm good. I know me.
You know? Although I made some pumpkin bread today.

Speaker 1 I mean, you can't tell me having a fucking cup of coffee with that's not going to be the shit.

Speaker 1 But at my age, I have a cup of coffee and a slice of pumpkin bread for breakfast, and I will be face down on a couch.

Speaker 1 I might as well roofie myself.

Speaker 1 Yeah, it's unreal. I went to this amazing party Saturday night, and I literally stayed there for like 40 minutes.
I was just like, I am, I love everybody here. I'm fucking tired.

Speaker 1 Tired. I had a great night.
I had dinner with a buddy of mine and then I went over to the comedy store. And of course, I didn't record it.

Speaker 1 And I just was riffing on the new shit that I have. And it was like, just,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 it was fucking, I pitched the perfect game for me, for where my act is. And I didn't record any of it.
And then I came home and I tried to tell Nia what the fuck I said.

Speaker 1 And she was just staring at me. Like the,

Speaker 1 I was like, well, I forget how I said it. Oh, well,

Speaker 1 that's what you do. You're just like, well, I guess that that was just for that crowd.
Or, Bill, you could be organized, and you could, you could, you could record it,

Speaker 1 you could do that.

Speaker 1 Speaking of getting organized, I

Speaker 1 got woefully behind in the Moto GP races, and

Speaker 1 I watched like 10 of them in the past week.

Speaker 1 It's fucking amazing. I don't even know where to begin with this season.
How about race number four?

Speaker 1 The old day, Mark, it was like the old days with Marquez and DiVizioso, except was Pecca Bignaye. It's Italian names.
It's so hard to say. Fabio D Giantonio.
It's like 58 letters.

Speaker 1 Most of them are vowels.

Speaker 1 That's the thing. If you were doing Wheel of Fortune in Italy and you said I would like to buy a vowel, you'd fucking go broke.

Speaker 1 You'd have no money. I still feel like that the game, I don't know if you guys remember, but way back in the day when you won,

Speaker 1 you didn't go over and then try to solve the last prize to see, you know, for a bunch of money.

Speaker 1 That's a cheap ass show, man. That show is fucking tight.
Like that last puzzle, the clue they give you and how fucking abstract it is.

Speaker 1 Like they they they do not like giving away money on that show.

Speaker 1 Me and Nia always watch that fucking show, especially when she was like being the third trimester. We would just be watching that show, having a great fuck.

Speaker 1 I still love the show, but like whenever they, of course, I can't think of an example.

Speaker 1 It would be like, you know, oh, God.

Speaker 1 You know, this is the thing.

Speaker 1 And it would be like an aspirator tube, which for some reason I still remember because

Speaker 1 I just got a new muffler on my truck and it was still doing that, going down the fucking street so I had to bring it back.

Speaker 1 Here's a problem. You got a busted aspirator tube.
Oh, is that what the fuck it is? Well, I already paid for a muffler, you fucking greasy cunt.

Speaker 1 Well, Bill, maybe you needed both things.

Speaker 1 Anyway, back in the day when you won, when you were the grant, you know, you won the most money.

Speaker 1 They just had this fucking it looked like a yard sale of shit and it was just shit I've talked about this. I think I've talked about this before.

Speaker 1 It was always like a grandfather clock and then there was a brass bed frame, which for whatever reason, I guess that that was considered like luxurious. For $700, I'll take the brass bed frame.

Speaker 1 For $800, I'll take the grandfather clock, which is so funny. Like a grandfather clock only looks good in one of those old haunted looking houses.
Like, you know, those awful Victorians.

Speaker 1 Is anybody into those houses? I fucking hate a Victorian. You know, I don't mind mind a garrison colonial.
I'm an East Coast guy.

Speaker 1 I can deal with a garrison colonial, especially if you went to New England Brickmaster and they did something to the front of it. You know, you got some aluminum siding.

Speaker 1 That was a big move. You got away from the wood and you got aluminum siding.
And who would think that years later, decades later,

Speaker 1 you know, drug-addicted zombies would be taking half your house off so they could go get another hit of crack.

Speaker 1 Because the government let it in for whatever fucking deal they were making with somebody else.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 the fuck was my, where was I even going with that? Oh,

Speaker 1 I was talking about motorcycle racing.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 that race was amazing. And then I watched every race from like August 10th up to Japan.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 just all of this amazing drama. And one of my favorite things was when Jorge Martin, right? I forget where the hell they were at.
It started raining. And they were all riding around the track.

Speaker 1 And it was like, you know, when they do the... the rider's point of view, you could see it was significant amount of rain.
So they go by

Speaker 1 the pit lane and Jorge Martin, who's in second place and was leading by like 10 points for the season for the championship, he's the only guy who goes in to get his rain bike, which doesn't have the slicks on it.

Speaker 1 Actually has

Speaker 1 the rain tires, right? So he jumps on that thing and goes from second place to 15th. So I'm thinking, oh, this is going to be amazing.
Everybody else is on the slicks. He's got the rain tires.

Speaker 1 I'm going to get to watch him fucking eating everybody up going through. Is he going to have enough time? Because it was like five, six laps into the like a 20, I don't know, 24-lap race or whatever.

Speaker 1 And uh, the poor bastard jumps on the fucking rain bike, comes back out, he's in 15th place, goes through like one chicane, and the rain just stops,

Speaker 1 and then he couldn't pass for whatever reason.

Speaker 1 Like, that's how dialed in these bikes are.

Speaker 1 If you just have grooves in your tire for rain, and it's not raining, and I have slicks, and I'm always in 14th place, and you're always in first, second, or third. Now you can't pass me.

Speaker 1 It was unreal.

Speaker 1 What else? Pedro Costa, watching him, you know,

Speaker 1 racing great, making mistakes, but still, you know,

Speaker 1 just knowing that he's going to be looking like the next big star.

Speaker 1 And then I think, you know what? I think my favorite rider is Bastianini. I just really respect how smooth he is with how he rides with the throttle.

Speaker 1 Like somehow the end of the race, like his tires are always fine. And everybody else, you know, starts going wide and whatever.
And he just somehow, like,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 I don't know what. I like that guy.
He's got clash. They call him the beast, but he's riding like a fucking, I don't know what.
He's out there on a cloud.

Speaker 1 So I am all caught up. And the next race

Speaker 1 is

Speaker 1 next Sunday.

Speaker 1 I don't know where it's going to be. I believe they're in Asia at this this moment.
They were just in Japan, so I imagine it's going to be somewhere over there. And

Speaker 1 I will unfortunately be flying to France that day, but maybe

Speaker 1 because they're in Asia, I'll be able to watch it late

Speaker 1 Saturday night. I have no idea.
Yes, I'm on my way to France next week. I have three shows out there at the Apollo.
I'm bringing my lovely wife. And

Speaker 1 I can't wait. My French is

Speaker 1 the best it's been.

Speaker 1 I got a tutor and I was shooting the shit with her. That's what we do.
We just go out. I get a cup of tea, old Billy tea bag over here.
And we just shoot the shit for like an hour.

Speaker 1 And a lot of times she's making a face like, I have no idea what the fuck you're talking about. But then, you know, she corrects me or whatever.

Speaker 1 And I'm starting to get into the imperfect and the future tense and all that, which is really fucking exciting. Because whenever you learn a language, I guess you're always in the present tense.

Speaker 1 So people have to figure out what the hell you're you're trying to say. Are you talking about yesterday? Are you talking about right now?

Speaker 1 The future? What are you saying? I only know one tense.

Speaker 1 That'd be funny if that was like some sort of, you know,

Speaker 1 mental disability that you could only speak in the present tense.

Speaker 1 And God knows

Speaker 1 some big-hearted chick would still fall for you, but like, you know, because she wants to help and she wants to make you better. And she'd get about three years into it again.

Speaker 1 And And she's just like, you know what? I just, I just can't do this anymore. I just, I need

Speaker 1 a man that can speak in all three tenses.

Speaker 1 I'm tired of figuring out if you mean right now, tomorrow, yesterday. I just can't.

Speaker 1 I can't do that anymore. All right? I can't do this.
I won't do it. And I didn't want to do it yesterday.
You see that right there?

Speaker 1 That's all three tenses. Why don't you go fucking brush up?

Speaker 1 Then you can hit them with, yeah, you're making fun of my disability.

Speaker 1 My pronouns are right now.

Speaker 1 Yeah, to respect it.

Speaker 1 Somehow they would turn that into like a political talking point.

Speaker 1 Like, they only care about the present tense people.

Speaker 1 They don't care about you living in the past.

Speaker 1 How ugly have been these, these fucking these commercials been?

Speaker 1 I love that Trump one when he's going off on like immigrants. There's murderers and rapists.
They're raping and murdering people.

Speaker 1 How long are people going to fall for fucking rich people blaming it on fucking immigrants with fucking a nickel in their pocket?

Speaker 1 It's like, what, dude, you don't even pay your taxes. You don't fucking pay anybody that fucking works for you.
What the fuck are you talking about? It's you, cunts at the top.

Speaker 1 unreal

Speaker 1 but every four years every four years you just wheel out the old a these people who aren't white these people are coming in they want your fucking job

Speaker 1 and i it just blows my mind the amount of people that are in corporate america and they've seen one of these fucking cunts who gets hired and gives themselves like a 10-figure signing bonus and his jobs to come in there and consolidate every department and fire three or four people and then take their that person, the fired person's yearly salary as part of their bonus for saving the company money.

Speaker 1 And you, and like, like, that's not the fucking problem.

Speaker 1 They get like those jobs are not coming back. They're just fucking taking them away and then going, hey, there was 10 people in your department.
Now there's five.

Speaker 1 You five got to do the work of 10, and I'm taking those five people's fucking salary as my Christmas bonus.

Speaker 1 No, that's not who it is. That's not who it is.
It's not those guys.

Speaker 1 Couldn't be those guys. They look like me.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus, Bill. You're going fucking deep early on.
You're going deep early on here.

Speaker 1 I have not watched one second of football. I watched a little bit of Ohio State losing

Speaker 1 to Oregon.

Speaker 1 Now, this is another thing. You know, I was against these super conferences.
I'm like,

Speaker 1 why can't they keep it the way it used to be? I think they're fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 And if the kids are getting paid, because at first first they were going to have them and then they weren't going to get paid. Now they're getting paid.
So who gives a fuck?

Speaker 1 Who gives a fuck? I think it's great that the kids are getting paid now.

Speaker 1 I hope they make millions of fucking dollars because most of them don't make it to the NFL, but they make the university millions of dollars. They've been doing it for fucking ever.

Speaker 1 I think it's fantastic. And I think it's fantastic to see Michigan.
playing the Huskies

Speaker 1 and Ohio State going out there and playing Oregon. And look at the fucking, what's, you know, what used to be the Pac-12

Speaker 1 coming in, kicking the Big 10

Speaker 1 right near fucking three yards in a cloud of dust ball bag. Two fucking weekends in a row.
Michigan goes down.

Speaker 1 Ohio State goes

Speaker 1 down,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 Ohio State, those players, they have like Kardashian money. I mean, they fucking, they opened up the checkbook.
They were like, we're going LA Dodgers on this shit.

Speaker 1 Oh, speaking of that, too, how how about the fucking Mets?

Speaker 1 How about the Mets?

Speaker 1 I could get into a Subway series. I know the Subway series doesn't do well.
Like, I know that was one of the lowest-rated series because everybody was just like,

Speaker 1 the rest of us don't live in New York, so we don't give a shit, but that could be fun. But I just like this Dodgers Mets thing because

Speaker 1 I want to say in the early 70s, there was a great play. What the fuck is that thing dinging for?

Speaker 1 There was a great playoff series between the Dodgers and the Mets, and I want to say the Mets went to the World Series and lost to the A's at the beginning of their dynasty, where they won three in a row.

Speaker 1 I can't remember. I was talking to a buddy of mine the other day about George Steinberg, and I said he was basically reverse Billy Bean,

Speaker 1 where Billy Bean didn't want to fucking pay anybody. George Steinberger was just like fucking just had his checkbox.
Like, I don't think he ever closed his checkbook.

Speaker 1 I know a promoter like that. The guy's the fucking best.
It takes you forever,

Speaker 1 forever

Speaker 1 to fucking sell enough tickets for the guy to book you. But when he does, he fucking treats you right.

Speaker 1 Anyway, so I'm really excited about that. And

Speaker 1 that series is out here. And if I have the fucking time, I would love to go Wednesday night.

Speaker 1 Gonna try to,

Speaker 1 if I have the time, I probably won't. But

Speaker 1 it's kind of cool to go to a fucking

Speaker 1 NLCS, you know?

Speaker 1 And I don't have a dog in the...

Speaker 1 I root for the Mets because I did efforts for Family with Mike Price.

Speaker 1 And he was a huge Mets fan. So is a huge Mets fan.
So I'm rooting for them. But I was a Dodger fan back in the day in the 70s.
when they won two and then when they won in 81.

Speaker 1 And I was also a Kansas City Royals fan while being a Red Sox fan. Now, what is the common denominator in all of that? The Red Sox could not beat the Yankees back then.

Speaker 1 And then the Royals, they would always go up against the Royals, and then the Royals couldn't beat them.

Speaker 1 And then they would go up against the Dodgers, and the Dodgers couldn't fucking beat them. So, like, I would watch my Red Sox during the year.

Speaker 1 They would always start off fast, and the Red Sox would get them, and then the Yankees would come back, catch up with us, and inevitably surpass us.

Speaker 1 So, my Red Sox would fail, and then I would watch the Royals fail, and then I would watch the Dodgers fail. And I would be like fucking exhausted.
It's like 10-year-old Billy.

Speaker 1 Just rooting against this fucking team.

Speaker 1 And they just, you know, they had Reggie. Reggie's just the winner, right? So, and Ron Gidry, too.
Oh, my God, that guy was a fucking beast. So,

Speaker 1 and then in 81, Fernando Valenzuela and all of those guys came in, and they finally beat him. I couldn't believe it.

Speaker 1 And And that was when they went with Dave Winfield

Speaker 1 after Reggie. I think Reggie went to the Angels.
So fucking nuts I can remember all of that, but I can't

Speaker 1 seem to get, I don't know,

Speaker 1 trying to stay off the fucking Instagram. So whatever.
I might end up going that. And all of this week, I've been

Speaker 1 working on my act, but I was coming home and my lovely wife was watching that Vince McMahon series on Netflix, right?

Speaker 1 Like Netflix has some bangers right now. And that Vince McMahon thing, and she's like, you want to watch this? And I'm like, yeah,

Speaker 1 nah, I kind of grew up in the age of angry dads. Like, I don't know if I want to watch, but she was like,

Speaker 1 it was funny to watch it with her because she knew nothing about the guy.

Speaker 1 So she kind of like,

Speaker 1 this is a weird thing to equate it to. I used to do that.
I used to love looking at a crowd when a great comic was going to go up who hadn't hit yet. And they didn't know who they were, right?

Speaker 1 And they had heckled me and, of course, kicked my ass, and I didn't know what to say. And then I fucking bombed or whatever.
And I remember when, like, like Dave Attell would go up.

Speaker 1 It was like my favorite thing ever because

Speaker 1 they would, you know, the crowd sort of had control of the room. And they had no idea.
that Dave Attell is like a ninth degree black belt in fucking all things comedy.

Speaker 1 And even after, usually when I would bomb, I would just want to get out of the club, but if Dave was going on a couple, two, three comics after me, I would stay there just for the satisfaction to watch him do what I couldn't.

Speaker 1 So anyway, I would be like

Speaker 1 just watching him

Speaker 1 immediately like

Speaker 1 destroy somebody that heckled him. And everybody just realized, like, oh my God, this guy's on a whole other fucking level.

Speaker 1 And then watch all of these guys that were fucking assholes when I was on stage immediately become like obedient. Like watching one of those people that's like good with a dog.

Speaker 1 Like your dog's like mauling a mailman and then they just show up and they go like that. The dog like fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 sits down,

Speaker 1 starts fucking, you know,

Speaker 1 cowering,

Speaker 1 whatever the fuck they do.

Speaker 1 What did that have to do with what I was talking about? Oh, watching my wife see

Speaker 1 Vince McMahon. And I got to be honest with you, I watched

Speaker 1 wrestling all through the 80s. Then I got away from it when I started doing comedy.

Speaker 1 And then Patrice O'Neill, rest his soul, Bobby Kelly, Keith Robinson, all of those guys started saying it's good again. I was like when The Rock, Stone Cold, Mankind, The Undertaker,

Speaker 1 Mankind, all of those guys.

Speaker 1 And they were talking about and laughing their asses off. And I started watching, I was living with Bobby Kelly at the time, and I started watching like Monday Night Raw.

Speaker 1 And it was fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 but I missed, you know,

Speaker 1 when it got really fucking raw. Like, I never saw that shit with Vince with his fucking pants down and somebody with their face like in his ass.

Speaker 1 I'm not joking.

Speaker 1 So

Speaker 1 my wife is watching it.

Speaker 1 and like

Speaker 1 it's unbelievable. Like Vince McMahon is like one of the great success stories and at the same time, he's like a Dick Tracy villain.

Speaker 1 He took like no responsibility for anything. He'd be like, you know, I didn't see any evidence of a concussion in that fight, you know, and then when Chris Benoit like,

Speaker 1 you know, killed his whole family and himself,

Speaker 1 you know, and they started talking about CTE and that type of shit.

Speaker 1 You know, he was on TV just immediately because people were coming to him, like, dude, why are all these wrestlers like dying?

Speaker 1 And he was just going, like, I mean, we had no idea that he was such a monster. And he was just like throwing people under the fucking bus.

Speaker 1 It was wild. It's fucking wild to watch like all of that.
And

Speaker 1 it was also great to see all of those clips. And there was this great thing where

Speaker 1 Stone Cold Steve Austin, who I fucking love, was talking about how,

Speaker 1 you know, he doesn't believe in concussions. And if you're getting concussed, you don't know how to wrestle or something like that.

Speaker 1 And my wife goes, he doesn't believe in concussions? And however she said it, I go, that's right. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold said so.
And she had no idea what I was talking about.

Speaker 1 That was one of my favorite out of all the catchphrases. And that's the bottom line because Stone Cold says so.

Speaker 1 I don't know what it was about that, but that used to get me up off the couch. Me and Bobby, just fucking laughing our asses off, and then Patrice would call.

Speaker 1 He would literally be on the phone watching it in Jersey while we were, you know, wherever the fuck we lived, Upper East Side.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 just be laughing our asses off.

Speaker 1 But Jesus. Some of those, they go, Vince, was there ever a storyline you didn't do?

Speaker 1 You know, You wanted to do? And people were like, well, you know,

Speaker 1 I don't want to do that. And

Speaker 1 he was like, well, there was one.

Speaker 1 I believe the storyline was that I impregnated my daughter. Well, not me, my character.

Speaker 1 I know I shouldn't be laughing at this, but Nia was sitting there and she was just pulling the covers like up over her nose.

Speaker 1 And I'm going to be honest with you, I felt bad for his son. I felt bad for his son.
I just was like, dude, you got to stop chasing that.

Speaker 1 That is just whatever happened to him when he was a kid. This is what he is.
And like, but what I loved about his son was

Speaker 1 watching his son with his own kids. And you could see that he broke

Speaker 1 whatever dysfunction was in the family. And you could tell he was a great dad.
His kids weren't like fucking in need of a hug.

Speaker 1 But anyway,

Speaker 1 it's an amazing story.

Speaker 1 I don't know what's going on

Speaker 1 with Vince McMahon's eyebrows. That's like my biggest question out of all that.
As far as him, you know,

Speaker 1 you know, all the craziness that went on. I mean, we

Speaker 1 kind of heard about that, but like, anyway, it was just great to watch my wife seeing that for the first time. So, anyways,

Speaker 1 yeah, so it's that time of year. Hopefully, made a little bit of pumpkin bread.
And

Speaker 1 I also hung out with Dean Del Rey today.

Speaker 1 And we

Speaker 1 rode a motorcycle, rode mine. He rode his over to like this fucking unbelievable taco spot and came back.
And I got to tell you, I'm like mentally exhausted.

Speaker 1 It was like a two-hour ride.

Speaker 1 hour out and an hour back and just it reminds me when I first started soloing like flying a helicopter like you would just come back and your brain was so fucking tired from trying to like deal with everything that was going on and when we rode the bikes in we parked them and everything I was like dude I am like fucking exhausted and he goes yeah you know that's that's normal

Speaker 1 Because I'm like flying a helicopter is like relaxing. It's unbelievably relaxing.
There's like nobody there. There's nobody up there.

Speaker 1 And if there is, it's on my screen and I could just see what they're doing. And then, you know,

Speaker 1 like

Speaker 1 where they're flying, how much higher they are at the same altitude. I'll just

Speaker 1 go up four or five hundred feet or I'll go, I'll descend if that's possible.

Speaker 1 I'll change my course. I can do all of that, but it's like it's a whole other thing.

Speaker 1 But we had a great ride. We're just back roads the whole way, old Billy back roads, you know.

Speaker 1 And but I will tell you, I absolutely fucking love that motorcycle.

Speaker 1 It's just,

Speaker 1 it's, you know, I'm still getting like, you know,

Speaker 1 comfortable with it. It's funny, that bike is the easiest bike to ride up to speed, but like riding it slow,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 tight place, having to do like a little 180,

Speaker 1 you know.

Speaker 1 throttle control or whatever, you know, it's just like

Speaker 1 that's that, you know, that's that's where I get like nervous. Like, I'm gonna fucking tip this bike over because it weighs a ton.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 but, like, once it gets going, it's just it is a fucking dream

Speaker 1 to ride. So, I'm just gonna practice at the airport going like real slow.
And, like, like I said, 90% of my riding is just gonna be,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 cruising around

Speaker 1 the

Speaker 1 airport.

Speaker 1 But, oh my god, is it's so much fucking fun.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 let's do some of the reads for the week. Helix.
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Speaker 1 I'm always so proud of the way I land that read. I mean, I think it's phenomenal.

Speaker 1 I know when I say that, I sound like one of those people that can't sing on American Idol. My mom says I have a great voice.

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Speaker 1 All right.

Speaker 1 Let's get into the the reads this week. The reads have been like amazing lately.

Speaker 1 The landlord debate and me, God forbid, saying that there's actually some good landlords out there. Now, for some reason, I'm on the side of Best Buy.
That's what people are trying to say.

Speaker 1 It's like, no, I'm just saying, you know, you're speaking in absolutes.

Speaker 1 What do you think, you me?

Speaker 1 It's one of my favorite things to do in the podcast here is trash people for doing exactly what I did five minutes earlier on our previous

Speaker 1 podcast.

Speaker 1 All right, tea bags. Hey, Billy, tea time.

Speaker 1 Since you have started drinking tea,

Speaker 1 I got to get it down where I have my pinky up and I'll have a little ascot. Check out Russian Caravan Tea.
It's a smoky black tea that's a nice change from some of the other flavored tea.

Speaker 1 Curious to hear your thoughts. Thanks for everything you do.
Oh, dude, are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Smoky black tea.

Speaker 1 What does it taste like tobacco? Oh, by the way, old Billy Freckles is 76 days

Speaker 1 into no cigars. I told you, my daughter said, dad, stop smoking.
It's bad for you. And I was like, you're right.
She goes, I want you to go 100 days.

Speaker 1 And I said, all right. I said, then can I have one? She goes,

Speaker 1 you can have five.

Speaker 1 I go, I can't have five, you can have five, and then you have to go 200 days. And I was like,

Speaker 1 all right, I'll take that. That's a good deal.
I'll take that.

Speaker 1 Anyone's got a daughter out there? When your seven-year-old daughter looks in the eye and tells you to fucking stop doing something, I mean, it's over.

Speaker 1 Anyway, green tea. Hey, Billy Greenleaf, you mentioned switching over to drinking green tea as a

Speaker 1 as of late.

Speaker 1 I almost said as a latte. That's how much I'm still stuck in.
I think you should definitely try

Speaker 1 Gen.

Speaker 1 I just literally have a stroke.

Speaker 1 Gen

Speaker 1 Maka? Make a? M-A-I-C-H-A? It's G-E-N M-A-I-C-H-A.

Speaker 1 Well, unless you're there to order it for me, I've made a fool of myself enough in life.

Speaker 1 Or Japanese sentienty. They taste better than jasmine, in my opinion.
Less floral.

Speaker 1 I kind of like the floral thing. I hope Billy Twinkletoes over here.
And the caffeine buzz will leave you feeling lucid and energized. Well, I don't want to be like overly caffeinated.

Speaker 1 But on a side note, thanks for the hookup.

Speaker 1 Somebody tried to tell me there's more caffeine in green tea than in coffee. And I was like, I'm sure drip.
It has more than drip.

Speaker 1 Not the way I was. I was drinking anywhere from two to four cappuccinos a day, and those was a double shot of espresso in each one of them.
Or lattes most of the time.

Speaker 1 So it was a ton of dairy and all of that. Just

Speaker 1 let me be happy, okay? I feel good. It feels right doing it.

Speaker 1 The guy writes, or the lady writes, thanks and go tea bag yourself up.

Speaker 1 Yeah,

Speaker 1 what I liked about coffee

Speaker 1 was it was fucking delicious

Speaker 1 and amazingly addictive. So I loved all of that.
And then I loved having it and fucking like going to the gym. You know, it made me like for like a half hour, I felt like I was, you know, 25 again.

Speaker 1 And I also just, you know, I just think, you know, coffee with eggs and bacon, I mean, yeah, what the, what it's fucking amazing.

Speaker 1 However, like,

Speaker 1 I was drinking so much of it, like, you know,

Speaker 1 it wasn't good. We'll just leave it at that.
But I find with tea, I drink tea and it, like, relaxes me. It's funny.
It's the exact opposite thing, but there's caffeine in it. So I don't understand.

Speaker 1 So, but I will say that there is a lot.

Speaker 1 Like, I have all these coffee drinking buddies. And when I told them I switched over to tea, like, they were like disappointed.
You know,

Speaker 1 that's a big thing. That's like switching teams.

Speaker 1 You know, Like, I remember a buddy of mine, he was really fat, and then he lost a bunch of weight, and like, all of these fatties were like giving him shit, saying he's sold out.

Speaker 1 It was like, it even happens then. Like, they wouldn't be like, hey, man, you know, you're an inspiration or whatever.

Speaker 1 Whenever I see a fat person walking down the street in workout clothes, I always want to, there you go.

Speaker 1 I want to yell that out, but I always feel like they're going to take it the wrong way. Like, you know, they're going to hear it like it's about time.
Like, they think I'm saying that.

Speaker 1 I want to be like, Do you fucking do that every day? You do that every day. You cut out the bread and sugar.

Speaker 1 You're going to be crushing ass in fucking eight months or whatever, you know.

Speaker 1 Driving by like Billy Blanks,

Speaker 1 encouraging people.

Speaker 1 All right, conspiracy theory.

Speaker 1 Oh, Jesus, here we go. Conspiracy bullshit cleared up.

Speaker 1 All right. Hey, Bill, last week you read an email from someone claiming to have trouble returning to their home or supplying goods for friends after the hurricane.

Speaker 1 The reason people weren't allowed in certain areas was because they would be endangering themselves even if the hurricane is over.

Speaker 1 The idea that people riding around in boats without an organized top-down coalition of government

Speaker 1 is insane.

Speaker 1 Well, what are they? I mean, if they're just driving around helping people,

Speaker 1 well, you know,

Speaker 1 if they're driving by in a boat and they're fucking throwing people out, I don't know, conflating our military budget with emergency response is unreasonable for obvious reasons. No, it isn't.

Speaker 1 No, it isn't. The war in Iraq bankrupted this fucking country.
We're hopelessly in fucking debt. So we don't have money for fucking anything.
Healthcare, public school.

Speaker 1 We don't have money for anything.

Speaker 1 That's our number one fucking expense.

Speaker 1 Other than those bankers down the street and the Federal Reserve. Oh, Billy Tinhat.
The government can't hand people money

Speaker 1 to fix their homes. That's why we have insurance.

Speaker 1 Oh, this is adorable.

Speaker 1 This is like, you're either fucking

Speaker 1 an insurance salesman.

Speaker 1 Like, have you never put a claim in?

Speaker 1 Insurance companies are not in the business of paying claims. They are in the business of collecting premiums.
That's what they do.

Speaker 1 And then when you have a claim, They sick their lawyers on you and tell you to go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Or my favorite thing is when you put in a claim,

Speaker 1 this is the best. Like,

Speaker 1 when I had my roof fixed and the fucking assholes didn't re-hook the drain up and for whatever reason, the drain off the roof

Speaker 1 went into a pipe that went into my

Speaker 1 crawl space. I have a Charlie Chaplin home.
I have a really old house. And then it went out the front.
Why you would bring water into the fucking house? It's just how they did it back then.

Speaker 1 They unhooked it when they did it, and they never hooked it back up, you know?

Speaker 1 You moved the headstones, but you didn't move the bodies. Why? That's who I was after that, when I called up the fucking roof people.
I was like the fucking dad and poltergeist.

Speaker 1 So anyway,

Speaker 1 so I call up the roofing company. They're like, yeah, no, see right there, that's the problem.
This thing was unhooked. I'm like, yeah, you guys unhooked it.
He was like, no, we didn't.

Speaker 1 And I was just like, all right, just get the fuck out of my house because I don't have time. I'm not doing this with you guys.

Speaker 1 So I called up my insurance company and they're like, oh my God, that's terrible, right? So then what they did was

Speaker 1 that what should have happened was I should have just got my fucking money, right?

Speaker 1 I didn't. The check came and it was made, the check was made out to me and the bank that owned the mortgage on my house.

Speaker 1 And I had to sign the check over to the mortgage company and then the mortgage company had to come over with inspectors to make sure that I was spending the money on the roof

Speaker 1 okay and not just pocketing it which is way beyond their fucking jurisdiction what I fucking spend it on is my fucking business I paid the premium that's my fucking payout if I want to sit there with the but the thing was 2008 what happened was is they fucked so many people in houses and so many people were upside down in their house and there was no fucking way they were ever, you know, even if they paid it off, they were going to make their money back.

Speaker 1 When they were getting insurance claims, they were just keeping the money.

Speaker 1 So then what was happening was when the banks were taking over the house, not only did they get the house, they had to do the repairs.

Speaker 1 So they got in bed with the fucking filthy, the filthy bankers, got in bed with the filthy insurance companies.

Speaker 1 And then they made this little fucking deal that the check is now made out to the person and the mortgage company. And you sign it over to them.

Speaker 1 And then we'll send inspectors over to make sure that they're spending that

Speaker 1 on the damage. And I was so fucking livid at them.
I was just like, listen, I'm not the one who fucked people over. I'm a responsible person.
I'm going to fix this house.

Speaker 1 I don't need you fucking babysitting me. So, anyway, I go through all of that fucking rigmarole.
Of course, who the fuck am I?

Speaker 1 I lose to the insurance companies and the banks, and I have to have them come over and inspect it.

Speaker 1 And then you know what they did in the end?

Speaker 1 The insurance company raised my premium so that over a a certain amount of fucking years, the money that they gave me, they got it back, they get it back, they ended up getting it back, and now I'm paying all this fucking extra money.

Speaker 1 The whole thing is a fucking, and they at least gave me the money.

Speaker 1 But then there's other times, like, you know, health insurance, my health insurance, I don't even fucking use it. Because whenever I go in, it's like, no, we don't take that here.

Speaker 1 Well, where do they take it? They take your human health insurance down at the veterinarian. My insurance sucks.
So I just, you know,

Speaker 1 I just throw it on the fucking card. Insurance is the biggest fucking scam ever.

Speaker 1 My brother told me a long time ago, he said, Bill, you go to any fucking major city, the two tallest fucking buildings is going to be an insurance building and the fucking

Speaker 1 banker building. And we lived in Boston, Massachusetts.
Outside of Boston, and the two biggest buildings, John Hancock building and the Prudential fucking tower.

Speaker 1 But now all these Robert Barons, for whatever reason, want to live like a mile in the sky. So like New York City is now like these fucking apartment buildings.
I don't know what. But,

Speaker 1 you know, that's why we have insurance

Speaker 1 is,

Speaker 1 I don't know about that line, buddy.

Speaker 1 Insurance companies, like I said, they're not in the business of paying claims. They are in the business of collecting premiums and then raising rates.

Speaker 1 This person says, also, if you just give all this money to people who are affected, they may just go buy jet skis with the money as opposed to having money accounted for by local and federal governments.

Speaker 1 All right, both of those, okay, that statement is true, but the local and federal government have been ridiculous with fucking money.

Speaker 1 Ridiculous with money. All right.
Okay, so the people who can insider trade, which is not conspiracy theory. They can't be tried for insider trading.

Speaker 1 And you now can bribe them with, it's called a gratuity. So these are the people that are going to watch the, you know, it's like, who's watching them?

Speaker 1 Person, he says, you are here, Cish says, you often claim that citizens need to take care of each other, but in my experience, living in a major city with the most opportunities to see community come together, they almost never do

Speaker 1 without top-down action or mandates. You know what? That's 100% true.

Speaker 1 That's 100% true. No, unfortunately,

Speaker 1 and you know what's funny about that is I think most people are decent people and would help each other out, but all it takes is one or two selfish cunts to go rogue, and the whole pyramid collapses.

Speaker 1 So, I agree with that part. I don't agree with like this is why we have insurance.

Speaker 1 I mean,

Speaker 1 I don't want to keep going down because I'm not a political guy or any of this, I don't want to keep going down this road of landlords and insurance companies. But if I wanted to,

Speaker 1 if I had people write in and say what insurance companies are doing,

Speaker 1 their experiences with them,

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Whatever. You'll see.
You'll see. Get some insurance.
Put in a claim. See what happens.

Speaker 1 Root shutdowns.

Speaker 1 Root shutdowns. Okay, I have no idea what this is about.
Dear

Speaker 1 Canelo, if he was bald

Speaker 1 and from Boston.

Speaker 1 Can I just talk and just say how fucking funny you guys? Like, Like, these are really good. These are really fucking good insults.

Speaker 1 The only thing that was missing, if he was bald, didn't know how to fight, and was from Boston. That's the only other thing that you could have fucking emasculated me more.
All right. You know what?

Speaker 1 I tip my fucking comedy hat to you. That was fantastic.
Said, I was heard you were at the Michigan-Washington game the other day as a student at UW. I am glad you had a great time.
Unbelievable time.

Speaker 1 Gorgeous campus. One of the best fucking stadiums right right on the water.

Speaker 1 I've been telling anybody who is from a traditional Big Ten team,

Speaker 1 I think that one of the things that's really going to sell like old heads on this old school guys on these super conferences is go to a game, go to a game, go to a fucking Washington Huskies game.

Speaker 1 That's such a great game. Either you can bring the fellas or bring your wife, your girlfriend, or whatever.
Like, chicks love Seattle because of Tom Hanks and Meg Bryan.

Speaker 1 You're in there. You're in there.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 I'm glad you had a good time and even complimented how pretty our campus is. Yeah, I just did it again.
Sorry about the one guy who was being an asshole. And that's literally what it was.

Speaker 1 It was one guy.

Speaker 1 I would have gone to your show in Tacoma, but not going to lie, it was mad expensive and I'm kind of broke.

Speaker 1 My tickets were mad expensive? Or the scalping site?

Speaker 1 See, I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'll look into that.

Speaker 1 It shouldn't be mad expensive.

Speaker 1 That's how you go from having a fan base to not having a fan base. Anyway,

Speaker 1 I commute to school from the suburbs southeast of Seattle, which is usually about a 45-minute to one-hour drive during the morning rush hour.

Speaker 1 A lot of people may not know this, but Seattle has some of the worst traffic in the country. I didn't know that.

Speaker 1 I didn't know that because I was like, I can fucking live up here.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of different routes routes to get to my school, but yesterday I took the fastest route, which involves going over State Road 520,

Speaker 1 which is the bridge you see on the water from Husky Stadium. Little did I know, however, that a candidate was in town to do a fundraising at Hunts Point.
Oh, yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, that's that's this is that's the area where a bunch of billionaires live and that you mentioned before in your podcast. Yeah, you know where that is out here? That's Malibu.

Speaker 1 Whenever they have a TFR, a temporary flight restrictive area over there, that usually means the vice president is out there drumming up money.

Speaker 1 Anyway, little did I know, however, that it can't. Oh, sorry, I already read that.
Because the Secret Service and security and all of that, they had to close down SR-520.

Speaker 1 as well as southbound I-5 through all of downtown Seattle. Holy shit.
By the time I realized there was closures, it was too late to reroute and I ended up missing a lab section I had yesterday.

Speaker 1 I don't know what that is, but that sounds important.

Speaker 1 Reasonably, this really upset me and I was really angry that they had to close down some of the major highways in the area during rush hour just so they could go meet with the billionaires.

Speaker 1 I am not much of a political politics person myself, but it honestly seemed like such a politician-esque thing to do, causing absolute traffic chaos for everyone in Seattle area, just so you could meet with your billionaire friends for an hour or two.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and what kind of a person could just sit there in that fucking house knowing that you're causing all that traffic? That's the thing I hate about golf. It's not golfing.

Speaker 1 It's that group behind me that's always better than me and I always feel like, oh my God, they're fucking, I'm holding them up. I'll pick up.
I don't give a fuck. Give me a, give me a fucking snowman.

Speaker 1 I don't give a shit.

Speaker 1 I was probably going to shoot a nine anyway, right?

Speaker 1 To just be sitting there. And you know, they're eating fucking great food and all of that.
Anyway, I just wanted to hear what your opinion on this was. I love your podcast.

Speaker 1 Sometimes my friends tell me that my sense of humor sounds kind of like yours. So thanks for that and go fuck yourself.

Speaker 1 Well,

Speaker 1 I got to tell you,

Speaker 1 your opening line was fantastic.

Speaker 1 What is my feeling on that? I mean,

Speaker 1 It seems like overkill to me.

Speaker 1 But then like, look what almost happened to Trump. I mean, if you let your guard down for two seconds, it seems like, you know, some fucking lunatic does something.

Speaker 1 So,

Speaker 1 yeah, that seems like excessive. It just seems like they don't want this one person to deal with any sort of traffic

Speaker 1 at all.

Speaker 1 You would think, why can't they just like,

Speaker 1 you know, that's what you have a helicopter for. You're going over a billionaire's house.
He has a yard big enough.

Speaker 1 I don't know. If I was the politician, I would say, listen,

Speaker 1 already half the country hates me just because I'm in a party.

Speaker 1 You know, I'm not in the party that they like. All right? So why don't we just

Speaker 1 land, I'll get in a fucking helicopter and we'll land in this rich cunt's yard. Okay? Or in the back of his fucking yacht, something like that.

Speaker 1 And then that can be a cool thing because then nobody even knows I'm in town as opposed to doing all this other other bullshit

Speaker 1 Are you listening to me?

Speaker 1 Are you asleep behind those mirrored sunglasses? Like, you know, the head of security would be like, you just don't understand

Speaker 1 how much in jeopardy. Yeah, it seems like overkill, but like, what do I know about security? Um, I'm sorry you missed that lab thing.

Speaker 1 Um, I'm sure like a bunch of people did,

Speaker 1 right?

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 Um,

Speaker 1 anyway, I do remember one time being in Las Vegas and we had to sit on the fucking tarmac for like two hours waiting for the fucking vice president. It was Joe Biden at the time under Obama.

Speaker 1 Or maybe it was Al Gore. Maybe it was that long ago.
Was it that long ago? Was I playing Vegas? No, when Al Gore was vice president, I couldn't afford to fly to gigs. I had to run.

Speaker 1 I was driving the fucking car.

Speaker 1 I can't remember who it was, but I just remember sitting there going like, this is so fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Because he wasn't even at the airport, according to, they were saying, like, he's going to be arriving. It's like, so why can't we just fucking take off?

Speaker 1 Anyway, receding top.

Speaker 1 Hey, Billy, no cunt belly. It's coming back a little bit, but

Speaker 1 I'm stopping it in its tracks. I just want to pick your brain as a man who has gone through the age-old male struggle of losing your hair.

Speaker 1 I am 30 years old and have been slowly developing a widow's peak for a few years now. It's still at a point where it looks good.

Speaker 1 Think Will Arnett with an extra couple of inches, but it's slowly reaching back and at some point it will cross a line into desperate, desperately hanging on.

Speaker 1 There are a few more options out there now compared to the old days. Oh my god, are you kidding me?

Speaker 1 Some of those hair systems, they're fucking amazing. Dude, the ones when I was, oh my god, they were horrible.

Speaker 1 They were fucking horrible. Like you immediately, immediately, the second you got that fucking hair system, eliminated yourself from 60% of the female population.

Speaker 1 Just immediately, you know, like that, that thing where they pop the balloon when you walk in?

Speaker 1 It was, oh, hair plugs were terrible. Toupees were terrible.
Cy Sperling, I'm not only the hair club president, I'm also a client. They were fucking horrible.
Those systems were fucking horrible.

Speaker 1 Now they're unbelievable.

Speaker 1 I know a couple people got,

Speaker 1 they're incredible. They're fucking incredible.

Speaker 1 There are a few more options out there now compared to the days you speak of in the past, just stapling ant legs on your head. Yeah.

Speaker 1 Yeah, antennas.

Speaker 1 There is the medicinal route, but from what I've read and heard, it only

Speaker 1 parentheses maybe stops male pattern baldness

Speaker 1 when you start it.

Speaker 1 So you need to get on it early because there won't be a return of any lost hair.

Speaker 1 Yeah, and then also the second you stop taking it, then you know, and it could also, that's that's why they haven't cured baldness, by the way. That's why they haven't cured it.

Speaker 1 It's fucking ridiculous.

Speaker 1 Like, the stuff that doctors can do is insane.

Speaker 1 Like, you can, you can, a heart transplant,

Speaker 1 like, at what point, like, what is keeping the air coming in and the blood circulating when you swap out,

Speaker 1 you know, a small block for a new one. Like,

Speaker 1 how do you do that? Like, when you take an engine out of a car, that car's not running, and then you got to put the new engine in, like, the car's dead.

Speaker 1 But they know how to do that, but you can't fucking make hair stop falling out. I don't know.

Speaker 1 But I would think that, like, super rich people would have access to it. I don't know.

Speaker 1 I've always wondered about that.

Speaker 1 Person goes on to say, and it could also have some not-so-great side effects for a guy like lower testosterone and lower sex drive

Speaker 1 and more weight gain. Or you can fly to Turkey and pay thousands for a transplant, apparently.

Speaker 1 But I just want to ask you: if you had these options back in the day, would you have taken the chemical risks and/or spent the money or just accept it and go bald?

Speaker 1 How long did it take you to accept this change? Great question.

Speaker 1 No, I tried like Rogaine. I remember I put it on my head and I felt like my fucking heart started speeding up and I was like,

Speaker 1 I don't want to do that. And

Speaker 1 then I had like alopecia in the back of my head because, you know,

Speaker 1 I had a lot of fucked up shit happen to me and I never dealt with it. So it had to come out somehow.
So I would just like lose clumps of hair and shit.

Speaker 1 And, you know, it would come throughout all my childhood that would happen. And then as I got older,

Speaker 1 the fallout of all the shit that happened to me, it would,

Speaker 1 and I never really paid attention attention to it like oh, it's always gonna grow back But then it kind of didn't so it's the hair in the back of your head that is

Speaker 1 You know is what they use to put on top so I didn't have that option

Speaker 1 And I have to say I'm kind of glad that I didn't

Speaker 1 Because I love having a shaved head

Speaker 1 You know once you do it, it's it's fucking amazing and it's also fucking liberating because I'll tell you this this going bald sucks, but once you just fucking shave your head and it's over, like within 10 days, people can't remember what you look like with hair.

Speaker 1 It's really not that big a deal. And I also think

Speaker 1 it's a confidence thing.

Speaker 1 It's a big thing in the confidence column.

Speaker 1 And,

Speaker 1 you know, and there's a lot of women that like that look. So, like, there's some who don't, but who gives a shit? There's some who don't like you right now and you have hair.
Who gives a fuck?

Speaker 1 I don't know. If I had to like do all of that, like even if I had the, you know, if I didn't have alopecia too, I would

Speaker 1 I would still go the route that I did.

Speaker 1 I kind of, I kind of, I'm not gonna lie to you, I fucking love it. And also, it really helped my acting roles.

Speaker 1 When I had hair, and I was clean shaven and looked like howdy fucking duty, that was the roles I was getting. But when I shaved my head and I had the beard,

Speaker 1 I started to get to play more assholes, which is, you know, what I am. I mean, I'm naturally an asshole.
So,

Speaker 1 you know, I just look like our shucks the other way. So it worked out for me.
It's, it's like, I know where you are right now because you're like, what the fuck?

Speaker 1 I mean, the first day you realize, like, oh my god, am I losing my hair? I'm going to be that fucking guy. I'm going to be bald.
What the fuck? Yeah, you freak out. It's a really big, like,

Speaker 1 like, I'm not young anymore type of thing. But,

Speaker 1 you know,

Speaker 1 once you get past that, dude, you know, you shave your head, you fucking got a nice little beard going, you keep yourself fucking ripped.

Speaker 1 You know, you start dressing nice, which I never did, but you add that to the whole tucket thing, you're going to be fine. You're going to be fine.
It's really not that big a deal.

Speaker 1 And I got to be honest with you.

Speaker 1 You know, to this day, a lot of those, you know,

Speaker 1 a lot of those hair systems are still pretty, pretty awful.

Speaker 1 I saw some guy he was he was doing like some Instagram thing about his hair transplant he got in Turkey and it was three months later and it did it did not look good although people are saying people are saying it's amazing over there

Speaker 1 but I don't oh listen I don't think there's anything wrong with doing it if it makes you feel good to go do it go do it but it's also it's it's it's not the end of the fucking world

Speaker 1 But that's what sales is all about, right? They make everything seem like it's the fuck, you got to do this or it's the end of the fucking world.

Speaker 1 Anyway,

Speaker 1 both sides Bill. Oh boy, here we go.
This happens to me every election year.

Speaker 1 You're a centrist. Bill, I'm writing to you on behalf of all the people who can't stand you trashing both sides.
No, you're not.

Speaker 1 You're writing me on behalf of you. Stop acting like there was a vote and they decided that you should pick up the flag.

Speaker 1 Okay, this is a major red flag.

Speaker 1 When anybody tries to make a point and they try to act like they have some coalition of invisible people behind them you should start a religion buddy a large portion of the commenters

Speaker 1 the commenters think you're just trying to maintain ticket sales because of your newly expressed right-leaning opinions and conspiracies

Speaker 1 i don't know what that means

Speaker 1 What was my right-leaning thing, saying that the food is fucking poisoned?

Speaker 1 I don't know what you guys are talking about. Like, you guys, you fucking political people, I swear to God, you guys are out of your fucking minds.

Speaker 1 God forbid, somebody sort of agrees with you, but also feels something on the other side. Why can't you just accept that?

Speaker 1 You know what I mean? Why do you have to fucking label everybody?

Speaker 1 You know, you're a centrist. You're a liberal.
You're a conservative. You're a fucking asshole.

Speaker 1 All right? There's certain shit.

Speaker 1 There's a lot of shit that liberals, like liberals' views on people who aren't white, I fucking totally align with that.

Speaker 1 Gays, all of that shit. I don't have any fucking problem with that whatsoever.
I got no fucking problem with any of that. I think the way that I was raised was wrong.

Speaker 1 Screaming and yelling and all that shit, it doesn't work. If you want an angry kid, like what the fuck I ended up being, who has clumps of hair falling out of his fucking head, by all means do that.

Speaker 1 All of this bullshit on the right now, like, you bad little man, fucking man, where you just threw your kid in a fucking pool and either drowned or swam. That's all fucking stupid.

Speaker 1 And people like, like,

Speaker 1 romanticizing the past and wanting to do all this traumatic shit to children. I don't fucking buy into that at all.

Speaker 1 All right. And then there's on the other fucking side, like, you know,

Speaker 1 there's a time to be conservative. There's a time to be liberal.
You just have to know when to fucking apply it. You know, I'm conservative with like, get off the fucking iPad.

Speaker 1 No, you're not getting a phone. What are you, running a a company? You're not getting a fucking phone.
That's it. You're not.

Speaker 1 You're not. I don't have a problem.
I don't have a problem if a responsible person gets a gun. I don't have a fucking problem with that.
I don't think a citizen needs a semi-automatic weapon.

Speaker 1 You know,

Speaker 1 it's a joke I do in my act. Like, how much do you suck at shooting that you need that many opportunities to hit your fucking target?

Speaker 1 You know, so I don't know. I don't know.
I don't know what the fuck to tell you. I don't know.
Like, I don't like look at liberals and be like, yes, everything you say.

Speaker 1 All right? You guys did some horrible fucking shit too these last few fucking years.

Speaker 1 You know, trying to like fucking bully people to say pronouns and talk about certain things in their act and have like, you know,

Speaker 1 lean this way politically or else we're not working with you and we're going to cancel you. Remember that whole fucking scenario? That was you guys.

Speaker 1 And then on the right, you remember the right when the fucking Dixie chips said fucking George W. Bush, that moron was a fucking moron?

Speaker 1 And then all the country said, we're not fucking playing your fucking music anymore.

Speaker 1 Yeah, I thought that was fucking stupid too.

Speaker 1 Are you going to sit there and tell me that both of those things weren't stupid?

Speaker 1 That the left isn't capable of being just as stupid as the right can, or and the left can't be just as right as the right can be at some point?

Speaker 1 It's fucking dumb. It's a childish way of going through the fucking world as far as I'm concerned.
But if you don't agree with that, I'm willing to listen to your fucking point.

Speaker 1 All right? But don't just don't say I'm writing on behalf.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ. Did you put a little stripe on your shirt before you type this fucking thing?

Speaker 1 Anyway, I think

Speaker 1 you've probably been radicalized by your friends and family.

Speaker 1 Jesus Christ, dude.

Speaker 1 And

Speaker 1 what are you?

Speaker 1 how did you come up with that? You don't know me. You don't even know who I hang out with.

Speaker 1 You don't know how much I interact. It's like,

Speaker 1 dude, I have a seven and a four year old. That's my fucking life.

Speaker 1 Okay? I woke up this morning and I got my son. I bought him his first fucking train set and I don't know what happened.
It worked fine and now it doesn't work.

Speaker 1 And I'm on the floor at fucking 6.48 in the morning trying to figure out how that's going.

Speaker 1 You know, I don't know if my son at some point whispered some radicalized shit to me that changed my political opinions, but you know, maybe you're right.

Speaker 1 Your managers and producers

Speaker 1 probably won't let this email get to you because they all have a piece of that pie you bring home.

Speaker 1 You think my managers,

Speaker 1 producers of what?

Speaker 1 I guess the podcast.

Speaker 1 Hey, in defense of me, my producers sent me this email.

Speaker 1 But I had to ask you this anyway. You have a really powerful voice.
Oh, shut the fuck up.

Speaker 1 About what? Sports? And I think there's clearly a group of good guys and a group of bad. There it is.
Oh, are you seeing it clearly? I can see clearly now I'm on Facebook.

Speaker 1 Fucking dust on my phone. I get it, buddy.
Unless anybody agrees with you, there's clearly a group of good guys and clearly a group of bad guys. Well, listen.

Speaker 1 Okay, I'll tell you this. The liberals talk a good game.

Speaker 1 All right? They talk a good game when it comes to

Speaker 1 gay people, minorities, all of that. I hate that word, but whatever.
Non-white people. All right?

Speaker 1 It's I agree with them on that type of shit.

Speaker 1 But if you're fucking looking at liberals thinking that they are not owned by the same fucking bankers and corporations that are really the ones that are running this fuck, that are too big to fail, that are bigger than this country, that's what the fucking problem is.

Speaker 1 And my problem with both political parties is neither one brings that shit up.

Speaker 1 And if a candidate in either one of those parties does bring it up, they're immediately labeled a communist, a socialist, an anti-Semite, a fucking homophobe.

Speaker 1 They just tar and feather them, and it's over. And then, did you watch the DNC fucking...
My wife had that on. It was the most bizarre thing I've ever seen in my life.

Speaker 1 What were all those politicians smiling about?

Speaker 1 We're bankrupt.

Speaker 1 Our food has so much hormones in it, it's giving little girls their periods as young as eight and nine. What the fuck are you smiling about?

Speaker 1 And then they bring Stevie Wonder out to play a song that everybody likes, and that's supposed to convince me. And then on the other side, you got this fucking racist lunatic

Speaker 1 who's a complete piece of shit, and he's talking to people that he is historically fucked over in his life.

Speaker 1 All of those working class people, he doesn't pay any of them. He doesn't pay taxes.
He doesn't pay his bills. He's a complete fucking piece of shit.
So I think once again, this is a lose-lose.

Speaker 1 And I think that there's always been people early on in the election actually talking about what's going on, and they are immediately just ignored

Speaker 1 by both their party and CNN and Fox News.

Speaker 1 And if you want to argue with me and say that that's different, I would love to hear it. But this guy thinks there's clearly a group of good guys and a group of bad guys.

Speaker 1 Okay.

Speaker 1 I think you would greatly benefit from endorsing a candidate and aligning yourself with real pro

Speaker 1 how would I greatly benefit from that?

Speaker 1 How would I greatly benefit that? First of all, who I'm voting for is none of your fucking business. All right.

Speaker 1 And secondly, I am a stand-up comedian. My job is not to stump for a political candidate.
My job is to make fun of everything.

Speaker 1 I'm a fucking clown. I write jokes.
I'm a dancing fucking monkey. That's what I do.
All right?

Speaker 1 You know what my favorite thing is too? Is people always go, these fucking celebrities need to shut the fuck up about politics.

Speaker 1 And then the same person is on Facebook or Instagram talking about politics. Like, oh, but you can do it.
You're a teacher, so you can talk about it.

Speaker 1 I don't. I trash all of it.
And here's the thing.

Speaker 1 I like regular people.

Speaker 1 I like mom and pop places. I don't like this new world that we're living in where every business seems to be getting consolidated by one tech nerd.

Speaker 1 Like that fucking Spotify guy.

Speaker 1 How did he can't even play a ukulele and he took all the music

Speaker 1 and he gets he gets all the money.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I'm not into that type of shit.

Speaker 1 So whatever. I don't, that, I got to tell you, that, that whole fucking,

Speaker 1 the only thing I can say about that last thing that I just read, like, this is literally the reason why I avoid politics. This person,

Speaker 1 I'm writing you on behalf of all the people who can't stand you trashing both sides. Like that fucking like self-appointed authority.

Speaker 1 I think you would greatly benefit from endorsing a candidate and aligning yourself with real progress. What is real progress? What you believe is progress? That's what I should do.

Speaker 1 Like you're speaking in such vague fucking terms.

Speaker 1 You didn't like even like,

Speaker 1 I don't know what your fucking thing is.

Speaker 1 I mean, you're obviously saying Kamala. I think that's what you were talking about.
You want to listen to a woman who talks through her nose for four fucking years

Speaker 1 and can accept gratuities?

Speaker 1 All right,

Speaker 1 I guess that's the way to go.

Speaker 1 I don't know.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Okay, I'm not endorsing.

Speaker 1 I already told you who the fuck, the people that I liked. And then I just got, and you guys just say that I'm a fucking whack job.

Speaker 1 And so I'm supposed to just vote for another company man or a fucking reality show TV star. Once again, these are our choices.

Speaker 1 That was our choice in fucking 2020. And that was our choice in 2016.
A reality show TV star or a fucking company man. 2020.
Reality show TV star, company man. Reality show TV star, company man.

Speaker 1 I don't know. Donald Trump is like the Buffalo Bills.
He just keeps going to the Super Bowl.

Speaker 1 Although he did win one.

Speaker 1 He did win one. The first one.
Scott Norwood. It went through the fucking hype brights.
See,

Speaker 1 I think that's a good joke. That's what I do.
That's what I do. All right, so whatever.
If you want to take my podcast seriously and think that I'm actually affecting this fucking country,

Speaker 1 I don't know. I don't know what to tell you.
I don't know what to tell you other than say, go fuck yourself, and I'll check in on you on Thursday.