The Best Of (And Unheard Bits) - Part Five

46m
Jamie, Alice and James choose their favourite moments from the 'Porno' archive. This time, it's a starry line-up as the gang look back at their favourite Footnotes guests featuring Dame Emma Thompson, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Dan Levy, Michael Sheen, Nicholas Hoult, Hayley Atwell, Jessie Ware, Elijah Wood, Joe Lycett, Daisy Ridley, Josh Groban, Rachel Bloom, George Ezra, Thomas Middleditch, Stephen Mangan, Ben Barnes and Samara Weaving.

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Runtime: 46m

Transcript

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Speaker 4 Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

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Speaker 17 Hello, and welcome to the best of Madad Roda Porno.

Speaker 25 It's installment five, guys.

Speaker 17 Instalment five. Is that what you're calling it? Sounds like episode five?

Speaker 28 Sounds like deposits for a house or something.

Speaker 29 Tranche?

Speaker 19 It's the fifth one. It's the fifth one.

Speaker 30 What do you want from me?

Speaker 31 And we're talking all about the best of the guests. The sweet of the guests.

Speaker 27 And what guests we've had over the years.

Speaker 32 And what experiences with the guests.

Speaker 32 Because early doors, and maybe this was just sort of the naivety of youth, but we used to cook for them and sit and have dinner before they sat and did the podcast.

Speaker 32 They would have a full three-course meal and then we'd record with them.

Speaker 27 Yeah, it was nuts. Like Daisy Ridley popping around with those two bottles of Prosecco.

Speaker 32 Michael Sheen being absolutely famished at your house and then having to rifle in my bag for a half open bag of pop chips to feed him.

Speaker 17 And he brought one bottle of red wine.

Speaker 34 We obviously drank that within five minutes and said to James, can have another drink.

Speaker 25 And you had nothing in your house.

Speaker 26 There was nothing

Speaker 35 in a single.

Speaker 19 I'm never in.

Speaker 32 That can't always be your excuse.

Speaker 17 It's takeaways or nothing.

Speaker 27 Emma Thompson made us dinner.

Speaker 32 Lovely fish pie her husband made, didn't he?

Speaker 7 Delicious.

Speaker 32 And do you remember when Steve Mangan came round and we were like, Can we get you a cab home? And he was like, No, I just had a baby. I'm going to walk.
I'm going to take some time.

Speaker 32 I think he even said, I'm going to buy a lion bar.

Speaker 15 He's like, I just need this moment of freedom.

Speaker 25 And then some of them weren't even in the country. Do you remember that insane night out with Nicholas Hole?

Speaker 33 Oh, yeah, Montreal. Watch out.

Speaker 28 Like, such a crazy night.

Speaker 25 It went in so many directions.

Speaker 37 Then we went to like a one-in-the-morning Kevin Hart gig that we went through.

Speaker 19 Oh, yeah, you know, Kevin Hart.

Speaker 37 And, like, Nick was like, these are my friends.

Speaker 41 They do whatever I for them.

Speaker 38 And he's like, okay, cool.

Speaker 28 He was very nice.

Speaker 37 He was really nice.

Speaker 25 Yeah, some really fun adventures we've had with these guys.

Speaker 27 We've had one recently. Alice, I think me and and Jamie need to tell you about this because I don't think we've told you yet.

Speaker 32 You've had a guest without me. No,

Speaker 27 but we found out someone else listened to the podcast.

Speaker 17 Oh, yeah. It's a good one.

Speaker 38 So we were at the Olivier Awards, which is like a theatre award show.

Speaker 32 You two are such darlings of the theatre world.

Speaker 27 I prefer the term hag, thank you.

Speaker 25 So it was at the Royal Abbott Hall, and we were just walking to our seats, and then someone passed us, or a group of people passed us, and we just heard someone say, Oh my god, I love your podcast.

Speaker 25 So we stopped, turned around, and it was Paul Mezcall.

Speaker 28 Paul Mezcal.

Speaker 28 I nearly fainted. James screamed, I think.
It was quite a person.

Speaker 30 Screamed.

Speaker 17 You're like, oh, my God.

Speaker 41 I said, you're joking.

Speaker 27 He's like, I fucking love your podcast.

Speaker 4 Okay, yeah, you shouted.

Speaker 19 You're joking. You're right.

Speaker 32 Why wasn't I there?

Speaker 43 Because you hate the theatre.

Speaker 10 That's true.

Speaker 32 No, because I hate the night time.

Speaker 19 But if you do it in the daytime. Well, it starts at four.
I think.

Speaker 44 Okay, actually, this is the event for me.

Speaker 32 This is unbelievable.

Speaker 27 Paul Mescal.

Speaker 32 I adore his work.

Speaker 31 Oh, yeah, total legend.

Speaker 44 But, you know, we're constantly finding out about people who are porno fans.

Speaker 37 You know, even if you haven't outed yourself publicly, doesn't mean we don't know that you're a little pervert out there.

Speaker 25 The other day, Josh O'Connor came out of the woodwork as a porno fan.

Speaker 36 The crown, love him.

Speaker 27 Yeah, the crown, yeah. And of course, Lupita Neongo.
No, I'm sorry I'm cutting you off because actually she posted on Instagram

Speaker 48 family.

Speaker 32 No, it was.

Speaker 32 Okay, this is frankly a conspiracy theory now.

Speaker 25 It makes QAnon look mainstream.

Speaker 32 You've gone down a rabbit hole and I don't know if I'll ever get you back, okay?

Speaker 32 They're litigious in America.

Speaker 34 But yes, we've had amazing, amazing people that have decided to, you know, kind of risk their careers and reputations by appearing on Madad Rotoporna, particularly in the early years when crossing the Rubicon.

Speaker 37 Yeah, do you remember Daisy Ridley?

Speaker 25 Was like, no one knows I'm here.

Speaker 27 Yeah, she didn't tell Disney, did she?

Speaker 38 Or her agents or her publicists or anyone.

Speaker 27 Well, should we cast our minds back and listen to some of the great voices we've had on the show?

Speaker 19 Absolutely.

Speaker 26 Lynn Manuel Miranda.

Speaker 32 Does Belinda Blink the Musical have legs?

Speaker 27 It has legs, it has a cervix.

Speaker 49 Yeah, I mean, the log line's very simple, right? In the New York Times edits, you know, one woman sleeps and sings her way to the top of the pots and pans industry.

Speaker 19 Great.

Speaker 42 Right?

Speaker 49 Like, I'm in. Like, I want to see that musical, like, done.

Speaker 53 Yes.

Speaker 49 It depends on the story. I mean, I I don't even know if

Speaker 54 just

Speaker 40 so many random people just have sex with it.

Speaker 49 It's like, what do you focus on? What strand do you there's too many? Yeah, I mean, I mean, this could be Nicholas Nickleby if we're not careful.

Speaker 42 It'll be eight hours long.

Speaker 17 You and Harry Potter do it every two nights, maybe three, four nights. Yeah, a week of the fit.

Speaker 49 Belinda and the cursed child.

Speaker 49 I mean, there's something pure about the storytelling of we are in the room, we don't know with who.

Speaker 49 Belinda's interviewing for the job. That is scene one.
Yeah. Scene one, song one.

Speaker 49 She'll do whatever it takes. I mean, that's almost the name of the first fucking song.

Speaker 41 Whatever it takes.

Speaker 19 Whatever it takes.

Speaker 27 And that's the I want song, right?

Speaker 19 That's the sets her story.

Speaker 49 Unless, I mean, usually in an opening number, you want to set the world.

Speaker 19 So do we set the pots and pans in this change?

Speaker 39 It's a world of secrets.

Speaker 30 It's a world of pots and pans.

Speaker 19 Sex lies and Teflon races, I don't know.

Speaker 49 Yeah, and then she would sort of come in and she would have one of those dramatic entrances where her back is to the audience first, and then she kind of turns to them, and then we get the entrance applause.

Speaker 56 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 49 Who's the musical theater actress who plays Belinda? I'll go to jail for even suggesting anyone. I think.

Speaker 53 I actually have one.

Speaker 19 Laura Berante, I think, would be a good idea.

Speaker 40 Oh, she's so good. She's

Speaker 57 really funny, too. Yes.

Speaker 27 Yeah, she could have that like Alexander Hamilton moment. Just says her name.

Speaker 49 Right, pots and pots and pots and pans, and then the crowd parts, and there's Belinda. And it's like, blink!

Speaker 58 A A blink. Oh, the blink.

Speaker 49 I mean, what's the musical motif of the blink?

Speaker 27 We'll figure it out.

Speaker 40 These are the problems I deal with.

Speaker 41 We'll figure it out. You know, what's the

Speaker 41 that's the Surratt dot motif.

Speaker 38 Yes, in Sunset.

Speaker 34 So what is the blinking motif?

Speaker 42 Okay. Right.

Speaker 27 And what do you mean by that? What noise?

Speaker 49 Yeah, like what is the musical theme

Speaker 49 that accompanies a blink of surprise of the world is about to change?

Speaker 32 And there's also so many good visual things about it.

Speaker 49 The Tombola is a huge.

Speaker 57 The Tombola.

Speaker 32 Oh my God. That's a huge.
that's like everyone on stage, right?

Speaker 49 That's the Act One closer.

Speaker 55 That's big.

Speaker 25 And then the Duchess picks her, and then that's the end of Act One.

Speaker 27 Oh, very good.

Speaker 49 The Duchess end of Act One. I love it.
The Wizard will see you now. Yeah, very easy.

Speaker 38 Yeah, that's great.

Speaker 27 Plus, we don't need too many sets because most of it's in the maze in Book One, right?

Speaker 19 So we just need

Speaker 49 the maze. I forgot all about the maze.

Speaker 27 So much has happened.

Speaker 47 So much.

Speaker 32 Well, it feels like we're talking about book one then. I mean, we're not, we can't fit it all in.
There's just no way.

Speaker 4 Dame Emma Thompson.

Speaker 25 Now, Em, you not only have an Oscar for acting, you also have one for writing. So, as an expert, is my dad any good?

Speaker 60 What a face.

Speaker 51 Oh,

Speaker 57 um,

Speaker 10 look,

Speaker 54 hands over eyes for the listeners. We have to go.

Speaker 17 Sorry.

Speaker 19 Yeah, you're selling out the album haul.

Speaker 60 I think we can safely say he's a fucking genius.

Speaker 42 I mean, he is. Come on.

Speaker 61 How else have we got here?

Speaker 42 It's a good point, actually. We don't give him enough credit, I don't think.

Speaker 57 I don't think you do.

Speaker 54 No.

Speaker 60 It's a certain style. It is.

Speaker 53 It's a very specific kind of subsect of writing, but he's owned it very much so. Oh, God, he has.

Speaker 60 He has. It's the regional sales aspect of it all.

Speaker 62 It's as though.

Speaker 60 Do you remember that film The Fly with Jeff Goldbrum when there were those two pods and there was Jeff and a fly and they got mixed up?

Speaker 60 So it's as though there was sort of a Jackie Collins and like motoring for beginners.

Speaker 60 or you know they were in those pods and they just got whammed together and and that's what came up like a freak a freak scientific experiment experiment sort of thing

Speaker 63 where various different writing styles got just churned up into the horrible frankenstein's monster yeah yeah yeah he did zero research he's never read an erotic novel um and i don't think it shows at all

Speaker 17 i think he's really done well i don't think he needed to no did he i think it would have really curtailed curtailed his creativity. I do too.

Speaker 60 I think there's just something he's just extrapolated in the most extraordinary way.

Speaker 57 And I mean, all power to him, really.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 65 There's a huge sort of generosity to it.

Speaker 61 Sure.

Speaker 19 It's incredibly charitable.

Speaker 32 Let's unpackage that.

Speaker 63 But I think there is a generosity.

Speaker 60 I met your dad and he's a generous soul.

Speaker 19 He's got it with himself.

Speaker 44 You know, he is.

Speaker 66 And my mum's an absolute amazing firecracker of a feminist, has raised us all as great feminists.

Speaker 31 Not sure where my dad kind of fits into that, but actually, oddly, I think his books are quite feminist.

Speaker 58 Yeah, you're right, absolutely.

Speaker 32 He is one of the great feminist writers of our time. Yes,

Speaker 60 you know, from Beauvoir to Rocky, he's literally one tiny little

Speaker 67 don't Emma.

Speaker 32 It's barely a step. It's a shuffle.

Speaker 53 He's basically a Bronte sister.

Speaker 19 He really is. What I worry now is that's going to be in his email signature, Emma Thompson, the greatest feminist author of our time.

Speaker 66 Rocky Flintstone is a feminist icon.

Speaker 25 Nicholas Holt, we are going on Giselle's Henu

Speaker 40 next episode.

Speaker 44 I've been on a Henu once.

Speaker 38 What? You went on a Hindu?

Speaker 69 Well, no, this is, I don't know if I should get into this story.

Speaker 69 I feel like it was a bit of a weird one where I was in LA and then I got a phone call from a friend and they're like, what are you doing? And this was when I was 19.

Speaker 69 I was literally sitting in my hotel room reading scripts and they were like, I'm going out with a few friends if you want to join. I was like, okay.
And they said, meet at the Saddle Ranch.

Speaker 69 You know the Saddle Ranch on Sunset? Oh, yeah.

Speaker 47 We know it well.

Speaker 69 Like a Texan cowboy themed bar with like a mechanical ball.

Speaker 44 It's the Lazy Pea Ranch, really.

Speaker 71 I walked in and I was like, oh, duh,

Speaker 69 and then I looked and there was a table with a Hindu, cock paraphernalia everywhere.

Speaker 71 And I looked and I was like, oh, that's the group I meet.

Speaker 51 And it was all these women.

Speaker 69 all like mid-20s to mid-30s and I was 19 I was like oh boy

Speaker 69 I walked over and then I won't go into the full story but I was basically meat oh no right hang on come on it was not what I expected

Speaker 52 hens are wild yeah

Speaker 69 they go absolutely crazy yeah what do you mean you were meat well I was like the only guy there I was also 19 years old and it was just like a novelty for them wasn't it were you torn limb from limb point where they touched you

Speaker 10 use the doll to identify the area

Speaker 71 anyway wait

Speaker 32 how many how many people did you kiss that night um no i was actually very well behaved why did you just put your hand in the air?

Speaker 19 Excuse me, sir.

Speaker 37 It was like I was in court, Your Honour.

Speaker 38 No, I was very well behaved.

Speaker 57 Okay. No, you weren't.

Speaker 38 I was.

Speaker 31 I was.

Speaker 26 Well, then, why are you being so shady about it?

Speaker 25 Exactly. Why can't you go into the story if you're so well behaved?

Speaker 65 Because all these people still exist and are all alive.

Speaker 19 I'm alive. I was just eight years ago.

Speaker 61 What kind of crazy thing is that?

Speaker 37 It's only been

Speaker 64 eight years.

Speaker 32 Okay, one more question.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 17 And then I'll leave it alone.

Speaker 32 Were you fully clothed for the whole evening?

Speaker 70 Pretty much.

Speaker 70 I'll give you this. I'll give you this.
There was a moment when we got in a car and we were travelling somewhere else and I was like pinned down and people were eating salt off of me.

Speaker 19 Salt, not salt. Not down there.

Speaker 47 Yeah, not down there. Not down there.

Speaker 17 From where?

Speaker 40 From your armpit.

Speaker 17 From my nipples.

Speaker 45 Oh, no.

Speaker 45 I should never have come on there.

Speaker 32 Eating salt. Do you mean like because of shots, like tequila shots?

Speaker 44 Well, there weren't any shots in the car, so I'm not sure.

Speaker 32 Just all these dehydrated women.

Speaker 70 I don't know what to tell you.

Speaker 19 I really don't.

Speaker 45 Dan Levy.

Speaker 27 Obviously, there's been a lot of talk about the movie version of Belinda Blink. So this is your opportunity to get it.

Speaker 34 Get on your knees, start begging.

Speaker 27 Who would you like to play?

Speaker 73 If nothing, then just a physical descriptor. I guess thick-brimmed glasses.

Speaker 19 Oh!

Speaker 73 As soon as that descriptor came up, I was like, well, this is me. And then I guess it was a very flattering depiction of my body, if that were the case.

Speaker 31 Thick-rimmed by name, thick-rimmed by nature, then.

Speaker 73 Exactly. My question to you is: when is this movie actually happening?

Speaker 27 Well, that is the question. I mean, we are having, you know, Spielberg's interested,

Speaker 27 Cameron's interested. He said, after Avatar, he's going to do Belinda Blink.

Speaker 32 Just James and Diaz, that is.

Speaker 73 You have a cast of actors that would, you would have funding for this movie in a heartbeat. So we'll talk after this is all done, but I really want to help this get made.

Speaker 31 But who would write the screenplay?

Speaker 27 Like, Rocky would have to adapt his own book to the screen, like E.L. James did, I guess, with 50 Shades.

Speaker 44 And that worked so well.

Speaker 19 So, you know,

Speaker 19 history can just repeat itself, right?

Speaker 73 How about this, though? I'm throwing something out there. I feel like Rocky.
and David Lynch.

Speaker 72 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 73 Writing something together. I feel like David Lynch's films exist in that strange space of like, what is happening? What did I just look at?

Speaker 73 It would be artful if we like brought in a David Lynch type figure to really help, how do I describe this, refine maybe some of the rougher edges of Rocky's writing and really

Speaker 73 sort of raise the bar in terms of what we could actually do or say with this.

Speaker 27 I would just love to be a fly on the wall in that room where Rocky and David Lynch are brainstorming.

Speaker 42 Yeah.

Speaker 73 that's the documentary that's sort of supplementary content for all of this.

Speaker 32 Oh my god, David Lynch is like, Rocky, we need to be more mainstream.

Speaker 73 Has there been sort of a common actress that people have pitched for Belinda that is sort of at the forefront of our casting search?

Speaker 19 Um, that's the one role we no one wants to play Belinda.

Speaker 42 I don't know why.

Speaker 73 I will say this: the characters' faces from the artwork on the books, at least from the ones that you can purchase in america it is i'm not gonna lie there's a lot of people in los angeles that look like those characters um

Speaker 73 you can find many belindas in the city of los angeles not so shockingly

Speaker 79 daisy ridley i know who i'd want to be go on i'd want to be the duchess in prosthetics

Speaker 77 oh my nice

Speaker 32 i can't actually remember what it is they do together, and now I feel creepy.

Speaker 19 Seriously, you may want to read that.

Speaker 79 I just feel like it would really push my acting ability.

Speaker 76 Oh, my God.

Speaker 32 It would be a challenge for you.

Speaker 67 Yeah, you need a backstory for that one, I tell you. Absolutely.
You just want to wear a Panama hat, don't you?

Speaker 55 Absolutely, and have a riding crop.

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 30 Doesn't something happen on a horsebox?

Speaker 19 Yes. Yeah.

Speaker 67 That's how she transports Belinda around, apparently.

Speaker 27 Oh, she can't ride up front.

Speaker 65 Is that a bad choice?

Speaker 44 I mean, not if you like big black dildos.

Speaker 51 Sorry, ma'am.

Speaker 32 Sorry, Louise, really sorry.

Speaker 79 But also, I feel like the Duchess was actually pretty important in the first book. Oh, yeah.
I think the Duchess informed some of Belinda's choices.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 79 And it led Belinda to where she is today.

Speaker 26 Kind of a mentor figure for Belinda Rollins.

Speaker 19 Absolutely. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Can you give us your Duchess voice? Because obviously you'll have to play it at the beginning.

Speaker 74 Oh, my God, I can't.

Speaker 41 This could be your Oscar role.

Speaker 79 Like, you know. I mean, I didn't want to say

Speaker 62 that the transformation,

Speaker 78 the commitment.

Speaker 19 Do you know what? Yeah.

Speaker 44 I mean, a literary adaptation, it ticks all the boxes.

Speaker 17 Absolutely. Do you know what I mean?

Speaker 54 Absolutely.

Speaker 32 You're so transparent. That's what this is all about.

Speaker 78 All I want is an Oscar right now. And I thought, you know the way to get it?

Speaker 61 The Duchess.

Speaker 10 We get it.

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Speaker 12 New to Dash Pass?

Speaker 14 To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Speaker 7 Terms apply.

Speaker 2 Coach, the energy out there felt different.

Speaker 15 What changed for the team today?

Speaker 16 It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Speaker 17 Play is everything.

Speaker 4 Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Speaker 18 Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Speaker 16 Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game. That's all for now.

Speaker 19 Coach, one more question.

Speaker 20 Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

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Speaker 24 Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

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Speaker 6 CSLB number 978152.

Speaker 25 Michael Sheen.

Speaker 74 Talking of the classics,

Speaker 82 I think there is an argument to be made that there are similarities between

Speaker 82 your father's work and Hamlet.

Speaker 56 Hear me out.

Speaker 83 I'm just going to let you speak.

Speaker 32 What a deep breath that was.

Speaker 82 So there have been some great works of literature,

Speaker 82 theatrical literature, such as Hamlet, such as Look Back in Anger by John Osborne, that were written in a rush, in a feverish rush.

Speaker 45 Right.

Speaker 82 John Osborne apparently wrote Look Back in Anger in a week.

Speaker 28 It just poured out.

Speaker 82 Hamlet, I believe Shakespeare wrote in a kind of a frenzy.

Speaker 82 And it's almost like they put so much into it so quickly that they're not in control of what goes in there. So people have talked about Hamlet.
T.S.

Speaker 82 Eliot, the famous poet, once criticized Hamlet as being certainly a failure of a play because technically it doesn't hold together. The timelines are all messed up.

Speaker 19 Oh.

Speaker 17 Does that ring a bell?

Speaker 82 Things seem to take much longer than they actually do in real time or shorter. You're never quite sure of the geography of anywhere.
It's all a bit like a dream.

Speaker 59 Does that ring a bell?

Speaker 17 Does that ring a bell?

Speaker 82 Oh my God.

Speaker 82 And there are certain moments in it where you question the reality of what's going on even. So I would like to say that I think, you know, Rocky does write these very quickly, we know.

Speaker 82 People tend to underestimate the power of the work.

Speaker 45 but uh i believe great pieces of literature have been written in this way have you just compared rocky to shakespeare yes i have wow but james both pieces have got iconic lines to be or not to be and the flesh of mankind

Speaker 82 i mean you know oh what a piece of work is man and the flesh of mankind i mean it could be if you said to someone where does the flesh of mankind come from i bet one out of three would say hamlet

Speaker 34 that's quite a taste of hamlet

Speaker 27 i don't want to walk into the museums in years to come and like the flesh of mankind is written on the wall in like italic writing.

Speaker 44 This is my greatest fear that actually it's a genuine piece of literature, a milestone of the medium.

Speaker 53 I'm terrified.

Speaker 82 Yeah, if Federico Fellini, the great Italian master filmmaker, were still alive, he would do such an extraordinary job of this film.

Speaker 26 Do you know what?

Speaker 44 Eight and a half is similar.

Speaker 51 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Michael, you have to stop.

Speaker 83 I can't.

Speaker 4 I can't stop.

Speaker 82 It's like a cross between Fellini and Lynch

Speaker 19 with

Speaker 82 with some Lindsey Anderson thrown in.

Speaker 36 I can't stop.

Speaker 28 It's just delicious.

Speaker 84 George Ezra.

Speaker 27 What did you think of the love eggs, by the way? Well, did you know?

Speaker 27 That was an education to me. I didn't really know what they were.

Speaker 19 No. I knew about them.
Not from like

Speaker 65 first-hand experience, but I remember.

Speaker 32 Don't say first-hand.

Speaker 40 Second-hand works.

Speaker 36 Second-hand hand works.

Speaker 31 He knows it from first ass experience.

Speaker 65 But I've heard, I remember there being a conversation on tour, which started a lot sweeter, which is you can buy a pillow if you've got a loved one that went, you buy two and you travel with it.

Speaker 65 And when you put your head on yours, there's lights up. So they know you're in bed.

Speaker 19 Which I thought was really cute.

Speaker 54 It's quite cute.

Speaker 19 But then everyone was like, yeah, but you could just put bricks on it and be like,

Speaker 39 yeah.

Speaker 40 Been a great gig, just off to bed.

Speaker 65 But then it got onto the conversation of someone said you can get knickers that do the same.

Speaker 65 They're underwear that your partner can control from the other side of the world, which was what that kind of.

Speaker 39 I think.

Speaker 65 I think. And then it got onto the love eggs.

Speaker 19 When you say control. I think they vibrate.

Speaker 70 I think there's like some kind of...

Speaker 19 Stop walking you to this shop.

Speaker 32 I said I want lasagna.

Speaker 19 It's like the rum trousers, honestly glover.

Speaker 65 What I mean is with all these things, I'm just like, firstly, how long are you away from home for? That it's like,

Speaker 65 where the love eggs that I can control.

Speaker 61 Get a half dozen love eggs away from you in the week.

Speaker 52 Anyone want a love omelet?

Speaker 19 Oh my God.

Speaker 36 How do you like you?

Speaker 84 Haley Atwell.

Speaker 32 Jamie was in a childhood band

Speaker 32 and he wrote a very moving song called Masks.

Speaker 32 And one of the incredible lines in it is Masks. Hiding personalities.
Masks hiding feelings too.

Speaker 27 Masks hiding away all your pain.

Speaker 27 Personalities hiding away.

Speaker 64 Wow, that was really deep.

Speaker 44 It was.

Speaker 66 I was a very, very traumatised child.

Speaker 17 How have we never talked about that?

Speaker 61 How old were you?

Speaker 35 Oh, like 27.

Speaker 62 I have an image of you in your bedroom with your back to the door as your dad like passing it, opening it, seeing the back of you on like a keyboard, having like a

Speaker 33 reset demo mode, and you talking about hiding away my pain and the mask.

Speaker 61 It was me and my sister, it was, yeah, was your band called?

Speaker 17 Yeah, what were the names?

Speaker 19 We were called, well, there were two names.

Speaker 44 I thought that we were called the universe, but my sister says that we were called two for two, which I don't think we were, but that's what she calls.

Speaker 30 Universe, that's quite good.

Speaker 62 That reminds me of a DT project that I had to do when I was 14.

Speaker 32 Design technology for the international listeners.

Speaker 62 And you had to be, that was right, you had to do a package as a music producer.

Speaker 62 And you had to come up with a label name.

Speaker 32 But

Speaker 62 I called my music label Universe. And the tagline was: Uni is in one verse song.
Universe, there is only one song.

Speaker 33 There is only one universe.

Speaker 62 There is only one song.

Speaker 17 What a great record label.

Speaker 34 We have one song.

Speaker 17 We're going to take over the world, guys.

Speaker 62 So we recorded a song, and I still remember some of the lyrics today. It was called

Speaker 62 I Don't Want to Go to School Today.

Speaker 63 And it goes, I don't want to go to school today

Speaker 63 because I love you, boy, but I can't pretend that you don't belong to your mother's friend. I don't want to go to school today.
And you know what?

Speaker 61 Baby.

Speaker 61 Oh my god, that was great.

Speaker 27 Wow, there is only one song.

Speaker 63 I remember that.

Speaker 61 I've got here we go.

Speaker 63 Don't know what I'm supposed to do. Don't know where I should go.

Speaker 63 It's true. I've been avoiding coming face to face with my emotions.

Speaker 63 Coming face to face with you.

Speaker 63 I don't want to go to school today.

Speaker 29 That's good. I'm loving it.

Speaker 63 I love you, boy, but you can't pretend that you don't belong to mamma's friends.

Speaker 19 That's my favorite bit.

Speaker 61 That's my favorite bit.

Speaker 10 Yeah, but again, dent, that bit, yeah.

Speaker 63 Oh, and then

Speaker 60 what's that bit where it all drops? We don't know the song, so

Speaker 62 I mean, like, when you write a song, what's that bit where you just the bridge? And it goes, um, wait, hang on.

Speaker 32 What's the bit where

Speaker 63 And I hope and pray one day it'll be all right.

Speaker 63 It'll be all right.

Speaker 15 Everything.

Speaker 63 When you first kissed me, everything's upside down.

Speaker 63 Now I can't face her face in the classroom. But tonight, pray you'll come around.

Speaker 39 Oh my god, I think we could make the whole song out of all that.

Speaker 37 Our listeners are really creative, so anyone who wants to go and make that into an actual song will be a little bit more likely to be.

Speaker 84 Joe likes it.

Speaker 32 My main concern though is that the Duchess in the book, her favourite accessory is a large black dildo that she keeps in a zinc line case.

Speaker 64 Yeah, that's about right.

Speaker 5 I've got an office in Birmingham and I've been annoying them the neighbours recently because I've got a dildo that I bought for a joke and that's my story and I won't air from it.

Speaker 5 Um but it's got a suction pad on the bottom, as dildos often have these days, so that you can attach it to a surface and then sit on it.

Speaker 5 And the uh in my office I've got a lot of glass and I've devised a game which is to see if you can throw the dildo and it affixes and you have to sort of grab it from the tip, from the bell end, and then throw it s in a sort of swooping motion so that it spins and lands on the suction bit.

Speaker 32 It's like urban welly wanging. Do you know that one where at like country fates you just throw a Wellington boot, but this is a little bit more yeah?

Speaker 40 Yeah, it's like a saucer version of that.

Speaker 5 Oh, yeah, it's taken me ages. But I have I've had a couple of sort of friends in the office for various reasons recently, and we've been playing Throw the Dildo.

Speaker 5 And actually, at one point, it nearly went out of an open window into the courtyard, which I would have been really

Speaker 55 where old Frank was taking his morning

Speaker 19 stroll around.

Speaker 54 Constitutional.

Speaker 5 So I've been annoying the neighbours because it bangs quite heavily. It's not a light dildo.

Speaker 7 I'm not going to shell out for a dildo.

Speaker 5 It isn't at least three stone.

Speaker 5 I mean, if you went round somebody's house or apartment or flat to have sex with them and they threw a dildo against a window and it stuck immediately.

Speaker 32 And it's smashed. It's three stone.

Speaker 3 I think that would get me going.

Speaker 56 I'd be like, yeah, smashing.

Speaker 31 Thomas Middleditch.

Speaker 68 I was recently in England.

Speaker 86 At one point, we went up to York, and every night there was some crazy hen party with just like women who had so much fake tanner on and the most mascara,

Speaker 87 like all at the same time.

Speaker 86 It's like, get that eyeliner thick and make sure your skin is orange, like Trump style.

Speaker 32 We haven't met Thomas, but you've just described me.

Speaker 35 Thank you.

Speaker 86 Yeah, but I kind of think her uh of Belinda as her.

Speaker 86 Like, that's the kind of image I have of just someone clomping around on high heels, like, fucking up their ankles on the cobblestones, being like, Oh, which one are we going to next?

Speaker 40 Proper Essex girl.

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 76 Come on, you know.

Speaker 32 Oh, my God, that's so Belinda.

Speaker 87 You can see the top of her breast, but then also her gut, like,

Speaker 47 that's the curve at the beginning.

Speaker 86 I really do think those drawings on your Instagram were perfect.

Speaker 89 That is so Belinda.

Speaker 52 Just like this portly body with her hair and she's just like gung-ho like smiling

Speaker 86 oh when they got auctioned off which was like it was after the maze right like she's just brought in covered in like jizz signs and mud yeah like ancient runes ancient like witch runes

Speaker 86 And she's just like a total mess.

Speaker 89 And she's like, ooh, I wonder who's going to get auctioned off.

Speaker 88 And like, it's like, no, Belinda, you from from the get-go.

Speaker 76 Of course, it's you, you mess.

Speaker 86 And then she gets auctioned off at a crowd of people who have their business with their wives there.

Speaker 32 And their wives have just sat around on those chairs.

Speaker 89 Yeah, yeah, like, Doug, don't vote.

Speaker 74 Oh, come over to the company retreat.

Speaker 39 You're supposed to.

Speaker 76 It's for charity, baby.

Speaker 74 Okay.

Speaker 32 And then Doug disappears for 12 hours and comes back.

Speaker 42 Red roll.

Speaker 88 Put your hand down. You're not voting.

Speaker 32 Oh, Doug is gutted that he didn't get Giselle.

Speaker 7 Bold Giselle.

Speaker 89 Yeah.

Speaker 87 Oh, the motley crew of adventurers.

Speaker 65 Rachel Bloom.

Speaker 90 I think Belinda Blink takes place in the future.

Speaker 90 And I think it takes place in a world, or it's an alternate universe, but I think it takes place in the future.

Speaker 90 And it's a world in which sex is now like everyone's fucking all the time and everyone's just kind of cool with it and it's kind of illicit, but kind of not. But then there's another layer.
So

Speaker 90 if we're saying it takes place in like the near future.

Speaker 35 Sorry, I love how much thought you put into this recognition. That's amazing.

Speaker 33 Are you okay?

Speaker 90 That's really debatable.

Speaker 90 But I was thinking about it because I was trying to think about what's so funny about, because erotica's ridiculous.

Speaker 12 Like erotica,

Speaker 90 it's really, a lot of it is so ridiculous. And I was trying to think about what makes Belinda Blink more ridiculous.
And I think it's this, that, like, there, there are no rules.

Speaker 90 Like, it's like, these are the rules of the world we live in. It's just kind of like everyone's always fucking.

Speaker 90 So then I thought about it even more.

Speaker 90 And I was like, ah, Belinda Blinked.

Speaker 90 That's interesting. And okay.
What if it's not just a random title? Because it's like throughout the book, it's like Belinda Blinks.

Speaker 90 What if in the future, in this world, everyone has like a computer chip in their brain?

Speaker 83 Bear with me.

Speaker 90 And when Belinda, when Belinda blinks, she's taking a snapshot of this specific moment and then, wait, wait,

Speaker 89 sending these snapshots back to the past to your dad to write Belinda Blink.

Speaker 76 Oh my God.

Speaker 44 So you think that Belinda Blumenthal actually exists in the future as a real person?

Speaker 90 I mean, do I think it?

Speaker 22 I don't know.

Speaker 22 Or do I know it?

Speaker 90 Or do I know it? Here's what I'll say: is that your dad suddenly just out of the blue

Speaker 90 decided to write that, like, had he ever written before?

Speaker 44 No, he hadn't. It's very fishy.

Speaker 31 I think you're right.

Speaker 34 You're onto something here.

Speaker 74 Very fishy, right?

Speaker 90 And he has such a specific view of like who she is, what she looks like. And he'd literally never written in his life.

Speaker 90 All I'm saying is maybe it's the future trying to warn us about a potential sex dystopia.

Speaker 66 You've absolutely thought about this more than my dad ever has thought about it, is what I would say.

Speaker 34 Ben Barnes.

Speaker 91 I bought Rocky something, a gift. Oh.

Speaker 91 It's not actually from me. Oh.
But you're not the only one. We're in a similar-ish sort of position.

Speaker 48 You see this book?

Speaker 27 A Woman's Guide to Loving Sex by Patricia Barnes.

Speaker 40 No.

Speaker 72 Oh my gosh.

Speaker 91 This book was published in 1991 when I was

Speaker 19 10 years old. She can't breathe.

Speaker 91 Thanks very much, mum. And you can see in the front, she wrote, Dear Rocky, I hope Belinda finds love.

Speaker 78 Best wishes, Tricia.

Speaker 51 Oh, Tricia.

Speaker 48 And

Speaker 48 she crossed out

Speaker 91 15 years' experience and put 40 years' experience as a sexual emeritor counselor because this book is so old.

Speaker 17 And she was like, well, I have to change it.

Speaker 32 I have to update the Bible.

Speaker 7 Yeah, legend.

Speaker 91 But there are some tidbits in here, which I feel A, A, are very helpful for Rocky, but also some quite good advice for Belinda.

Speaker 3 And I remembered this when you guys texted me.

Speaker 35 I was joking.

Speaker 32 What do you read as the blurb? Yeah.

Speaker 91 A Woman's Guide to Loving Sex is the book every woman will want to read. Companion to a major video setting new standards in this controversial field.

Speaker 25 A major video?

Speaker 66 A VHS.

Speaker 3 It was a VHS. I saw it when I was 11.

Speaker 91 It is specifically for women and about women examining relationships from the female perspective. And then I remember finding the VHS and like trying to play it.

Speaker 91 And I remember it being, there being like soft core, like

Speaker 91 reenactments, but then it would suddenly cut to my mum talking about it.

Speaker 19 So I was like,

Speaker 42 even at 10 or 11, I was like, turn it off, turn it off.

Speaker 25 Josh Groban.

Speaker 32 Are you inspired to write a song? I mean, have you, when you've been listening, have you been thinking, oh, pots and pans, oh, there's something in the kind of business sphere? Wow.

Speaker 32 And you just grab a pen.

Speaker 52 Blinking.

Speaker 42 Belinda's always blinking.

Speaker 32 Okay, blinking's dark.

Speaker 19 Write that down, Alice.

Speaker 85 Yeah, but that's not an opener. That's like deep into the second act.

Speaker 52 Okay.

Speaker 35 I feel like in retrospect,

Speaker 19 it's like a soliloquy.

Speaker 85 It's a sad, melancholy

Speaker 85 retrospect of the fact that, oh my gosh, what the blinking, what does it all mean? Maybe it's Morse code.

Speaker 43 That was quite Sun-Time-esque.

Speaker 41 Oh, it was very Sun-Time-eye. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 38 I was like, oh, it could be quite highbrow.

Speaker 32 I feel like that could be a Chicago-y-type one for when she's stripping.

Speaker 83 Oh, you think. Yeah.

Speaker 80 a big can-can number almost or something like that.

Speaker 47 Or something from Gypsy.

Speaker 47 Yeah.

Speaker 17 The whole brass section working really, really hard.

Speaker 17 Literally. What's the I want?

Speaker 27 There's always an I Want song at the beginning, isn't there, that establishes what the main character wants. So it'd be Belinda talking about making some sort of big deal or getting the trouble.

Speaker 19 A big bonus.

Speaker 42 That's her main motivation, I think.

Speaker 19 Right.

Speaker 5 She wants to be noticed.

Speaker 85 Yeah. Yeah, she's not supposed to be seen in those busy pubs and restaurants.

Speaker 17 What's the matter?

Speaker 32 You make it so much deeper. She just wants a voice.

Speaker 54 She just wants to be seen.

Speaker 85 I'm listening and I'm just thinking, yes, yes, yes, it's all very funny.

Speaker 48 But

Speaker 19 there's a woman screaming, screaming

Speaker 19 for attention here.

Speaker 37 Look, can we not see?

Speaker 32 So it is, in fact, a classic tale.

Speaker 48 I think it is.

Speaker 35 I think it's a tale as old as time.

Speaker 36 Right. Thank you.

Speaker 54 Has that been used?

Speaker 76 I don't know. Did you talk about that?

Speaker 35 It's just coming.

Speaker 36 I don't know where this is coming from.

Speaker 19 I'm a vessel right now. I'm a vessel.
I'll just go with it.

Speaker 32 I'm a story as old as time or is it tale as old as time.

Speaker 35 Yes, yes, yes. Brilliant.
T-A-I-L.

Speaker 42 It's a sex pun.

Speaker 32 Do they sell teapots at Steel's?

Speaker 68 I don't know. We can make it work.

Speaker 74 We can make it work.

Speaker 41 Send pans.

Speaker 19 Send pans.

Speaker 45 Clink, clank, clink, clank.

Speaker 85 We get stomp to come in and just

Speaker 58 hit her pans.

Speaker 11 That's a really great shout.

Speaker 19 Yeah. People love that as well.

Speaker 85 So basically, Belinda Blinked the music will be like nude stomp.

Speaker 17 We've nailed it.

Speaker 19 We've nailed it.

Speaker 61 We hit it.

Speaker 19 Oh, man.

Speaker 85 We We went a little sideways for a minute, but we hit the volume.

Speaker 32 Because the worst thing about stomp is the clothes.

Speaker 33 Is the lack of nudity.

Speaker 35 Am I right?

Speaker 74 I totally agree.

Speaker 32 And the noise, but

Speaker 35 they'll still need boots.

Speaker 53 Yes, for the stomping and all.

Speaker 32 But I'm guessing rather than bin lids, it's pan lids.

Speaker 58 Yeah, it would have to be.

Speaker 42 Yeah, okay.

Speaker 19 Wooden spoons.

Speaker 32 Yeah, for legal reasons, we'll have to change a few things.

Speaker 27 Okay, so Taylor sold his time, nude stomp.

Speaker 19 Yeah, romp.

Speaker 42 Romp! There you go.

Speaker 32 This is why he gets paid the big bucks.

Speaker 54 Come on.

Speaker 35 Okay.

Speaker 85 Well, now I know what to talk about tomorrow on stage.

Speaker 8 We get it. It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Speaker 10 Options are key.

Speaker 11 Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

Speaker 12 If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

Speaker 12 New to Dash Pass?

Speaker 14 To sign up for a three-month free trial, check lift.

Speaker 7 Terms apply.

Speaker 2 Coach, the energy out there felt different.

Speaker 15 What changed for the team today?

Speaker 16 It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Speaker 17 Play is everything.

Speaker 4 Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Speaker 18 Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Speaker 16 Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game. That's all for now.

Speaker 19 Coach, one more question.

Speaker 20 Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

Speaker 23 A little play can make your day.

Speaker 24 Please play responsibly. Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Speaker 25 Samara Weaving.

Speaker 92 We have a house in the south coast in Maruia, Australia.

Speaker 36 Oh, nice.

Speaker 92 And there's not like a big creative studios or anything.

Speaker 92 There's no casting directors that live there. So I got an audition for 50 Shades of Grey.
This is like 10 years ago or something.

Speaker 27 to be the lead.

Speaker 75 Yeah.

Speaker 19 Oh, okay.

Speaker 92 And so I was in the middle of nowhere and none of my friends were around. And it was just me, mum and dad.
And they were like, the deadline is you've got two days. So you've got to get this done.

Speaker 92 And I tried doing it, like recording the other person's lines on my phone and trying to match the timing, but it just wasn't working. And I was like, oh my God, okay, okay, okay.

Speaker 92 And the scenes were like gossiping about their sex lives.

Speaker 17 Filthy.

Speaker 92 So I asked my mom, I was like, mom, can you just like, just don't, don't, don't look at me. Just don't look at me.
Just read it.

Speaker 92 But then she kept like staring at me and she was like, what are you doing with your face?

Speaker 39 Like, what?

Speaker 32 You're like, I'm being sexy, mother.

Speaker 92 Like, I'm, I'm a mam acting. She was like, you don't need that much lipstick or, you know, so I like, was like, oh, no, no, no.

Speaker 12 Hey, dad.

Speaker 61 Oh, no.

Speaker 32 Hey, dad, can you pause spying for a sec?

Speaker 92 Can you just pause spying just for one minute? I just need your help. And I said the same, I was like, just don't look at me.
Just say the line.

Speaker 92 Like, this is going to, I'm going to be in so much therapy for this. But he got so into it.

Speaker 63 He was.

Speaker 37 Because he's a spy.

Speaker 92 He's a spy.

Speaker 63 He was like, tell me everything.

Speaker 77 And I was, oh, he was like, was he any good?

Speaker 92 Just like getting so, like, he became like

Speaker 92 sexy little lady character, this 50-year-old man.

Speaker 32 Did he get the part and you didn't?

Speaker 51 Yes.

Speaker 32 He plays the cute best friend.

Speaker 92 Yeah, he's the best friend.

Speaker 42 Stephen Mangan.

Speaker 32 Dare we ask where you listen and when you listen?

Speaker 5 I listen anywhere, really.

Speaker 59 I hate to use the word, but it's seeped into every area of my life. I have a one-year-old,

Speaker 59 a few children. My one-year-old, I've caught myself the other day humming, not singing.

Speaker 72 And I thought, where have I heard?

Speaker 36 Oh, no.

Speaker 59 So, yeah, it does, it does permeate.

Speaker 32 That could be damaging.

Speaker 59 Could be, couldn't it?

Speaker 67 Don't sing the monster prick song to yourself.

Speaker 59 Listen, luckily, it was without words, but one day.

Speaker 32 Does your wife listen?

Speaker 59 No, she doesn't.

Speaker 47 She's like, Where are you going tonight? And I was like,

Speaker 59 Some people do a podcast about a porn thing that one of their dad has written.

Speaker 28 She's like, what?

Speaker 19 I said, bye.

Speaker 84 Jesse, where?

Speaker 27 Apparently, a turkey slap is a thing. Some people have tweeted us this week.

Speaker 32 Oh, we didn't know that, did we?

Speaker 38 A turkey slap is something.

Speaker 55 That's what Jesse knows.

Speaker 27 Do you know what it is? Okay, guess what it is?

Speaker 93 Is it like you just slap somebody around the face with a turkey?

Speaker 40 Turkey porn.

Speaker 42 Nearly.

Speaker 48 Nearly. On your bottom.

Speaker 27 You slap someone around the face with your dick.

Speaker 51 Oh!

Speaker 83 Oh my god.

Speaker 35 I wanted that reaction on video.

Speaker 63 I also enjoy James going with your dick to Jesse Ware.

Speaker 41 Just get your dick out.

Speaker 32 With Jesse's massive schlong.

Speaker 63 Isn't that just called a willy slap?

Speaker 27 A willy slap?

Speaker 55 Isn't the words just called that a willy slap?

Speaker 38 Maybe it isn't your house, love.

Speaker 19 I've been saying it wrong for years.

Speaker 63 I was just saying, Sam, don't do a willy slap.

Speaker 63 I'm sorry, why is it not called a sausage slap?

Speaker 45 Yeah, yeah, why turkey?

Speaker 19 Why turkey?

Speaker 64 Yeah, good point. I don't know, but yeah, we got loads of sweet slashes.

Speaker 61 I guess so it's kosher for all, surely.

Speaker 27 Sorry, I just googled turkey slap, the act of lovingly slapping your partner in the face with an erect or semi-erect penis.

Speaker 48 How is that lovingly to... Oh, it was like, yeah, catch this.

Speaker 39 I love you.

Speaker 54 So that was erect then.

Speaker 32 I think people would prefer a semi-erect, because surely it hurts if it's erect.

Speaker 93 You either get like a broken jaw or with an erect, or you may get like that almost whipping effect with a semi-erect, and then that could actually have more of a sting or like a kind of bounce.

Speaker 38 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 32 What about like just flaccid?

Speaker 32 You didn't talk about this shit with my machine.

Speaker 54 You bring out the worst in us. My god.

Speaker 25 Elijah Wood.

Speaker 32 We mustn't forget at any point that Jamie's dad wrote this.

Speaker 66 Yeah. He did actually ask me because I did tell him that we were talking to you today and he got very excited.

Speaker 66 Yeah, he said, and this is a direct quote: he said, this is such an honour to have him on our show. Please remind him to stand up straight.

Speaker 17 So I hope you stood up straight, Elijah.

Speaker 19 What does it mean?

Speaker 17 God knows. But he also said,

Speaker 25 he asked a question to you and he said, Do you think, Elijah, that Rocky's future could be as bright as Tolkien's?

Speaker 42 What do you think? Ooh,

Speaker 94 absolutely.

Speaker 41 Said with such conviction.

Speaker 32 Wow, pregnant pause.

Speaker 94 Absolutely. Well, he'll have a different kind of legacy.

Speaker 94 No less impactful, I think, by indication of how many people listen to this podcast. And if that is an indication of the influence that he's had and the legacy that he will potentially have, then

Speaker 94 it's looking bright for Rocky Flintstone.

Speaker 32 It certainly is. He also asked another question, Jamie.
What was the other question?

Speaker 47 What was the other question? Oh, God.

Speaker 66 He also asked, were you Bilbo or Frodo?

Speaker 7 I can't quite remember.

Speaker 77 Incredible.

Speaker 49 Oh, that's brilliant.

Speaker 25 It's quite an impressive roster, if we may say so ourselves.

Speaker 27 It's like a bloody Wes Anderson film.

Speaker 27 Massive cameos all over the place. Go with me on this.

Speaker 37 The Belinda Blink movie would be an equivalent kind of.

Speaker 26 Where we get Wes Anderson as a director.

Speaker 17 Oh, beautiful.

Speaker 32 I guess the only difference being he works with the same people often, time and time again. And when was the last time you guys heard from? No, I won't.

Speaker 42 I won't.

Speaker 19 Busy people. Busy people.

Speaker 27 One thing I realized we never talked about, but it's a great story. And it is guest related.
We get an email a couple of years ago.

Speaker 25 Shoe horning in that caveat.

Speaker 31 It is guest related.

Speaker 27 There's a link.

Speaker 59 Yeah, we get an email from NASA.

Speaker 27 do you remember this oh yeah what does nasa stand for james the national aeronautics and space administration i actually didn't know that acronym i actually didn't either and i don't really know i asked you sorry what's sad is i know what e dad is but i don't know what that is i don't know what nasa is what is e dad everybody is yeah yeah uh burnt into the memory so we got an email from nasa we got an email from nasa just a few years ago yes that said

Speaker 27 they are the kind of mental health support team for their staff.

Speaker 32 Yeah, behavioural and like morale sort of department, wasn't it?

Speaker 27 And what it turned out was astronauts on the International Space Station, while they're up there, get two calls to Earth with anyone that they choose.

Speaker 27 You could be like, Beyoncé, I want to talk to Obama.

Speaker 28 Obama.

Speaker 25 Anyone. They do have to answer the phone, though.

Speaker 67 Yes.

Speaker 27 And it's supposed to kind of help them connect with Earth. It's supposed to help with their mental health.

Speaker 27 It's a bit of a distraction from the daily grind, I suppose, of being in space, you know, that boring life of space. Anyway, turns out one of the astronauts asked to speak to us.

Speaker 25 Yeah, because she'd been listening to my dad Robert Porno in space. Like that to me blows my little tiny brain that my dad's pornography has literally gone stratospheric.

Speaker 37 It's in the universe. You know, Belinda's flirting with the Milky Way.

Speaker 4 It's so weird to me.

Speaker 27 Well, we obviously said yes to a video call and we were asking NASA if we could have Rosa Ford's nest.

Speaker 42 And guess what?

Speaker 41 They said no.

Speaker 37 Which I still think was kind of mean.

Speaker 27 Well, I think they were worried we were going to reveal international secrets or something.

Speaker 32 I don't know what I thought would happen when we logged on, but that first image, we should say, her name's Kayla Barron.

Speaker 32 She's an incredible woman, has done so much amazing stuff with NASA, as well as several trips.

Speaker 31 And has become like a friend, like came to our show in Seattle.

Speaker 26 We hung out with her in London.

Speaker 38 Like, it's, yeah, she's amazing.

Speaker 32 She's probably our favourite astronaut friend. So when it connected...
She's there in front of the camera and all of her hair is floating all around her.

Speaker 32 Obviously, of course it is, but I just hadn't prepared myself for that.

Speaker 25 That was one of the coolest things I've ever done in my time.

Speaker 32 Then she floated through the ship and said, Do you want to see the sun rising over Earth? Who says no to that? And we all said, Oh my god, we've timed this so brilliantly.

Speaker 32 I can't believe this is happening.

Speaker 55 And didn't she say something like, Well, it does happen sort of 18 times a day or something?

Speaker 36 Yeah.

Speaker 27 Was it eight? Eight times a day, I think she said. What I loved is like, we were there for her mental health, and we were just like, show us out the window.

Speaker 19 What does that knob do?

Speaker 27 We were just asking all the questions.

Speaker 37 And also, like, you have an image of NASA, don't you?

Speaker 25 that you know they're the most technologically advanced company in the world they literally send people to the moon and to space this whole thing was conducted on microsoft teams yeah crazy couldn't have been less lo-fi one of the most infuriating bits of technology i think we have i had to download it i was like what the fuck's this

Speaker 27 so yeah we spoke to an astronaut on microsoft

Speaker 61 that's so silly

Speaker 19 space

Speaker 25 in space i mean it almost feels like we've been to space because when you're talking to them and as you say our like you can see it all you are like this is so incredible that you're communicating with the International Space Station.

Speaker 38 It was mad.

Speaker 32 We saw her little sleeping bag and she sleeps. It's kind of attached to the wall.
She sleeps sort of

Speaker 32 stood up almost.

Speaker 32 Your legs can, if you want, they can just sort of waft.

Speaker 17 Yeah.

Speaker 32 I mean there is a current that runs through the ship.

Speaker 32 She told us initially when you get on board you tend to like put a tool down forgetting about the zero gravity and then because there is this current it's just gone and like days later she'd float through the ship and in the middle of the cabin, if you like, would just be like the spanner or the pen just floating in mid-air.

Speaker 32 It's like mad. I just, I actually just can't get my head around it.

Speaker 25 I still can't really go over the fact that she could have talked to anybody on the planet and she chose us three.

Speaker 42 I mean, two calls. Who would yours be?

Speaker 38 Oh, good question.

Speaker 83 Um,

Speaker 32 Mike Nichols.

Speaker 25 He's dead, unfortunately. It would be Mike Nichols, but he isn't with us.

Speaker 45 Dame, would he talk to?

Speaker 38 I don't know, maybe like Bob Dylan or someone like that. Although, would he be good chat?

Speaker 84 I don't know.

Speaker 27 It's a hard one. That's the thing.
You want someone you can actually talk to.

Speaker 19 Yeah, so you'd like Biggins. Biggins.

Speaker 32 The flip side of it as well is, you know, when you have to schedule a phone call, like, you know, if somebody's on a different time zone or like, you know, people got busy lives, you're like, oh, talk Thursday evening.

Speaker 32 You have to really be in the mood, don't you? So what have you planned to do your big conference call?

Speaker 17 Then you're like, I'm just not good.

Speaker 32 I can't be asked. I just want to watch TV.

Speaker 59 Well, her other one was Brene Brown, I think.

Speaker 27 So like, that's way more prestigious than

Speaker 56 us.

Speaker 64 Yeah.

Speaker 32 So I think it's fair to say she's the best guest we nearly got.

Speaker 35 Yeah. Yeah.

Speaker 27 Would have made a great episode, but say Levy.

Speaker 17 It's just so cool.

Speaker 25 Anyway, thank you so much for listening. And do come back next month because we're doing a special best bits of Christmas.

Speaker 36 Oh,

Speaker 31 that's going to be juicy.

Speaker 25 And some unheard stuff as well about presents.

Speaker 43 Just a good bit of a spoiler there.

Speaker 30 So yeah, see you next time.

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