The Finale - Part 2

Looking for excitement?

Chumba Casino is here.

Play anytime, play anywhere.

Play on the train, play at the store, play at home, play when you're bored.

Play today for your chance to win and get daily bonuses when you log in.

So what are you waiting for?

Don't delay!

Chumba Casino is free to play.

Experience social gameplay like never before.

Go to Chumba Casino right now to play hundreds of games, including online slots, Slingo, and more.

Live the Chumba life at chumbacasino.com.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

New to Dash Pass?

To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Terms apply.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

With prices going up on just about everything lately, dealing with money can be stressful.

Trying to manage subscriptions, track spending, and cut costs can feel overwhelming.

Luckily, Rocket Money can relieve some of that stress and help you feel confident in the financial decisions you make.

Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings.

Their dashboard lays out your total financial picture, including bill due dates and paydays, in a way that's easy to digest.

You can even automatically create custom budgets based on your past spending.

RocketMoney's 5 million members have saved a total of $500 million in cancel subscriptions with members saving up to $740 a year when they use all of the app's premium features.

Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money.

Go to rocketmoney.com slash cancel subs today.

That's rocketmoney.com slash cancel subs.

RocketMoney.com slash cancel subs.

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start?

Thumbtack knows home so you don't have to.

Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is.

With thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro.

You just have to hire one.

You can hire top-rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app.

Download today.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Hello, and welcome to the last ever chapter of My Dad Wrote a Porno.

I know.

I can't hear those words.

I never thought I would.

So mad.

It hasn't hit home still, has it?

I think we were talking last week, it hasn't hit home, but this really is it.

Well, we do have one more episode.

I say it's the final, it's the final one of us reading a book, but we do have an amazingly special episode next week

of Footnotes with Dad, hearing from Rocky Flintstone himself for the first and the last time.

Hearing his dulcet tones, hearing his actual voice.

Do you think he'll just use it as an opportunity to really have a go at us?

He's like, you know, we should have.

That's another thing.

Yeah.

He'll probably come with receipts and we're like, James, you said this in 2018.

Oh, no, you know you'll be fine.

It'll be me and Jamie that are dragged over hot coals.

It's funny that you say that, though, that you guys aren't ready.

It's really hit me today.

All day I've been kind of like emotional.

What have you been doing?

Quoting from the books?

I'm just like walking around with a big red giant book on a skip.

I don't know.

It's just, it's been such a huge part of our lives, right?

And it's been amazing, but I can't kind of believe it's over.

It's just mind-blowing to me that we've created, all of us together, an actual global community.

Millions of people.

All come together to do this.

Oh, they're all over the place.

They're all over the shop.

And I hope they're all here today for the listening party.

Absolutely.

We told you last week we're having a listening party.

So, wherever you are in the world right now, I hope you've all press play at the same time.

We're going to listen, tweet along together using the hashtag different this time, by Belinda, B-Y-E-Belinda.

Okay, got it.

Hashtag by Belinda.

And we can all be tweeting on there and having a little drink, having a little joke, having a little reminisce.

If I can get through this without blubbing, it'll be a big day.

Did any of you ever think this would be your job?

Is it our job?

I still don't really think it's our job.

Oh, yeah, don't get wrong.

It's super fun and like, you know, it doesn't feel, you know, if you, what's the phrase?

If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

Is that how you feel?

Yeah, yeah.

I'm wearing the t-shirt right now.

But it is kind of a job.

Did you ever see that you'll be reading your father's erotic literature for a living?

And that would pay your electricity bill, nearly.

In my bloody full house that is, yeah, free.

It's like a mausoleum.

No, and I think, you know, well, I mean.

Jamie regards this as a calling.

Yeah, this is vocational.

This is very much.

We've all been working consistently on other things throughout the process.

So I like to feel like that's my job and this is just something I do with my friends.

But what did you want to do when you were younger?

Surely not this.

What did you want to do when you were younger?

Like I wanted to run a video shop.

Run a video shop.

Have I ever talked about this before?

I mean, probably a thousand times on the podcast, yes.

But have I told you what I used to do with my sister?

Take them out of the boxes and line up the boxes and...

Oh, has this been on the podcast?

I couldn't tell you.

It's been eight years.

I don't know.

James, just retell a story.

It's not like we haven't done it before a million times.

Well, I'm going to do it just in case.

Just do it quickly for God's sake.

Used to use the living room like a video shop.

And get your sister to come in and read their customers.

I would take the VHSs out of the box boxes.

Place the empty boxes around the corner.

And then my sister would peruse.

As the customer.

Yeah.

Choose what she'd like to watch.

The empty box, yeah.

Bring it to the counter.

And then would you get the actual VHS and put it in the empty box?

Exactly, yeah.

I'd go to the to the shelving of the VHSs and put it in the box.

Was it in the room?

No, no, no.

It's just at the back.

Oh, okay.

At the back of the living room.

So no, like, store cupboard that you can do.

Yeah, exactly.

I'd be like, oh, little mermaid, excellent choice.

And put it in the box and send her on away.

I'd be like, bring it back tomorrow.

You've paid for a one-night rental.

So have I told that already?

My mind will be blown if you haven't.

This is the main reason why we should end is because I think we're at the bottom of the anecdote barrel.

Run out of stories about our lives.

If you haven't told that.

Incredible.

Incredible that you've saved that up because I've heard that in real life so many times.

So how you've never told it and we've heard about paints on the podcast, but never that.

That's a miracle.

Yeah, I thought that was finale-worthy, but it's clearly not.

But obviously, you know, we are kind of midway through a story here, guys.

You know, as much as this is

sad,

we have to finish reading the book.

We do, we do.

And where did we leave it?

Well, we left it on quiet.

Sorry, Jamie clearly doesn't want to dwell in the sentimental.

He's like, Well, guys, we must bring this story time.

I've got a train to catch.

Oh, no, I just, I just.

Was this your job?

He's refusing to admit it's his job.

job.

Well, I'm about to become unemployed if it is.

Are you trying to avoid some sort of tax arrangement or something?

It's helpful.

That's what's going on.

No, yeah,

we can keep chatting if you want.

No, it's fine.

We can get back to the book.

Come on, let's.

John to his head.

He's right.

It's what people have come for.

Yeah, so Belinda and Peter Rouse were on the banks of Rio de Janeiro.

James, we had a marriage proposal.

Oh, yes.

I mean, one of the biggest things that have ever happened in these books, and you don't even remember it.

It was last week.

The will day won't they that nobody wanted.

It's because the highs are so high and the lows are so low and blinder blind and we are just completely desensitized to any shot.

Okay so are we ready to find out what she's going to say?

Is it a yes?

Is it a no?

Shall we make our predictions?

Okay yes.

I think she's an independent woman.

She don't need no man.

It's going to be a no.

I think yes, but I think we'll find out at the very beginning of the chapter.

I think it'll open like, yes!

Or

is it the opposite where we don't get the answer till the very end?

Oh, like a time jump.

Oh, I don't know.

Suppose this episode is all about the wedding.

She says yes, and we fast forward, because he's done that before, to her wedding day.

That is true.

He does miss out crucial details.

And Jamie?

It's got to be a no, sorry.

All right.

Okay.

Do you not think?

Come on.

Yeah, I think.

Belinda.

Okay.

Right, for the very last time, I'm going to do the little intro with a little bit of music.

So we'll never have you do this again, will we?

Never.

Oh my god.

Okay, are we ready?

No, are you?

I don't think I am.

Belinda blinked.

The fucktastic farewell dinner.

Oh my god, this is a fuckastic farewell dinner.

Better not be.

Absolutely fucktastic.

Okay.

Belinda looked around the ch-

The church.

No.

No, no, no.

The chicken.

The chirascaria.

The chirascaria.

The chirascaria.

So we have moved location.

Well, that could be on the banks of the river Danube or wherever it is.

That is Brazilian, I think.

A chicasteria.

No, that's not in doubt.

It's just I don't think that's where we were before.

Unless we were and we never told.

So what's a chicasteria?

Is that the full name of Chikara Montague?

I actually do know this because I've been to Brazil to visit my parents and it's like a restaurant where they serve meat and they kind of like carve the meat off of a skewer.

And you can kind of have as much as you want as well.

Because I've been to ones where there's like a traffic light system where when you turn your light onto green or your card onto green, they just keep bringing the meat, baby, and then you turn it over to red.

It's like, no more meat, baby.

Really?

That's amazing.

Yeah.

Well, it's just a conveyor belt of meat until you scream stop.

It's slightly less fast foodie than you're making it sound, though.

It's like deliciously like barbecued meat, but yes, essentially.

I'm picturing it like, you know, conveyor belt sushi.

Yeah, no, it's not.

And it just drops into your mouth.

And we're like, I'm hot, and I'm on.

Conveyor belt sushi doesn't drop into your mouth.

No, I'm picturing it like.

Oh, wait a sec.

Is that not how you take it off the conveyor belt?

Right, okay.

I've been laying my jaw down.

Oh, James Cooper.

Each place setting had sturdy cardboard coasters with sim

and now

on each side.

Oh, there you go.

See?

Yes and no.

This was to determine how much meat would be sliced onto the guest's plate by the waiting staff.

Someone's been to Chihascaria before.

All you can-eat meat had Belinda written all over it, after all.

Well, that's true.

That is quite appropriate.

So they'll come and carve the meat table-side, and then you'll go flip, and then I'll stop.

That's a lot of meat, isn't it?

I never have mine on red, mine's always on green.

It's just like, do not reduce.

You throw away that other one.

Exactly.

Peter's knee was beginning to hurt, so he spoke once again.

Is he still down on one knee?

Yeah.

Belinda, he said, are you alive?

I wish to marry you.

Belinda was brought back to the present.

Just because it's the last one, don't think you can get away with that accent.

What's going on?

That's my Dutch.

Dutch, come on, rein it in.

Think back to him back in the maze.

He didn't sound bonkers like that, did he?

That was avoided accents, you see.

There you go.

She flipped the cardboard coaster between her long fingernails.

That's how she's going to say yes or no.

So if she says yes, then she'll just be a big pile of meat's going to fall on her.

She flipped the cardboard coaster between her long fingernails like the wicked witch of whoopy.

Not a thing, never will be.

Meeting his longing eyes, she held up her coaster.

Peter's heart sank like a lira in the Trevi fountain.

She said, yeah.

His wish.

He was only joking.

His wish had not come true.

Oh, Pete, mate.

This was because Belinda was never to be a missus.

Yes.

She had no desire to marry.

Yes.

There was even a...

All right, dear.

There was even a well-known idiomic...

I don't think you can say idiomic.

Idiomatic?

It just says idiomic.

Idiom?

Sure.

A well-known idiomic saying

about it.

No sex after marriage.

Oh, so this is a completely topsy-turvy world, then.

I think that's a joke, though, isn't it?

That saying, you know, when you get married.

Oh, I thought it was literally a rule of the Belinda Blink universe.

No, I think it's sort of like that's the nail in the coffin, is that what it's alluding to?

It's known that, you know, married couples don't have as much sex, or that's at least the stereotype, you know.

But if you get married on your second date, then maybe

you would hope it doesn't just completely nosedive.

So, no sex after marriage.

that was not her no way jose or peter or whoever very good peter darling belinda tactfully talked although this is undoubtedly

sorry although this is undoubtlessly

obviously you tried to say it right and he's written it wrong although this is undoubtlessly not the answer you want i have often thought about you and indeed have lusted if not loved you No, you haven't.

But I'm flattered.

Why not?

Let's have a dip in the haysack as a consolation shag.

A dip in the haysack.

Sounds painful.

A dip in the haysack.

It's going to be scratchy, isn't it?

Yeah.

Peter Rouse, though disappointed, took off his wife fronts and stood.

And everyone's just got piles of meat in front of me.

Everyone's got piles of meat in front of me.

So Peter Rouse, though disappointed, took off his wife fronts and stood before Belinda.

They were both now naked and as such, turned on to the max.

Those two things do sometimes follow.

Without further ado, he looked at his one true love.

His cock grew at the speed of the 1980s economy.

You're getting turned on and you're learning.

Ready to boom and bust.

Oh, I just kind of imagine it, though, a really like pointy angle, like

exponential growth.

Just like katoing.

It's very unusual.

What do you want?

You want a bell curve?

Well, like, just straight out in front, or like.

Can I just say this is vintage rocky?

This is combining the sex with the business.

Business, absolutely.

So his cock grew at the speed of the 1980s economy, ready to boom and bust.

In response, Belinda's pussy began crying tears of joy.

She needs a tissue, Belinda.

Peter Rouse moved slowly towards her.

With the gentlest of touches, he caressed her soft body in the shape of ancient ruins.

Do you remember in the maze, he was like drawing runes on her back?

Oh, whether he said ruins, I was like a bit harsh.

Each tender brush elicited sexual pleasure deep within her.

Belinda's whole body tingled, goose pimples flooding her skin like a non-contagious type of chicken pox.

Wow.

Okay.

Or like goosebumps, because I think everybody knows what they are.

You got them last week.

I really did.

The hair's on end.

Oh.

I never had chicken pox.

I think so you never had goosebumps.

I was like, James, you are dangerous.

You've never had chicken pox.

I've never had chicken pox.

Very dangerous for an adult.

Yeah, no, I know.

It's dangerous for an adult.

Yeah, apparently.

Shingles, isn't it, when you're an adult?

I don't know.

You're listening to my dad.

I thought it was dangerous for babies.

Also, dangerous for babies.

Should we do a new podcast after this about like your health questions answered?

Just do the opposite of what we say.

Yeah, our USP is that we never Google anything.

We just say old wives' tales off the top of our head.

Let's embrace podcasting before Ofcom comes and shuts it all down.

Well, people say it's dangerous to Google diagnose.

Yeah.

So actually, we're avoiding that.

Yeah.

So Belinda's whole body tingled, goose pimples flooding her skin like a non-contagious type of chicken pox.

Peter whispered long lost languages in her ear.

He loves all that, doesn't he?

He loves all that ancient Greek.

Latin.

Not lost.

Yeah, sorry.

Well, for this book in Atlantis.

Well documented.

Fuck a much.

Peter whispered long lost languages in her ear, trying to change her answer.

But instead...

Oh, he's putting like a spell on her.

But instead, created so much carnal tension that her labia began emitting clouds of condensation, whistling like a kettle.

Did you say whistling?

Whistling.

Her vagina was whistling.

Whistling.

And this is where it must end.

Nothing ever whistled down there.

Whistle down the min.

I mean, if you

if you do place an ocarina by your vagina.

Oh my god, very good, very good.

Till the bitter end, he's very good, isn't he?

Peter lay her down and entered her intensely.

He moved in, then out,

then in again.

Sure.

Shake it all about.

Like a husband who argued with his wife a lot.

What?

Moving in and out.

He moved out,

then out, then in again.

Like a husband who argued with his wife a lot.

Drastic.

Also really taking me out on the moon.

Also, not like a husband, because she said no.

So we've had chicken pox?

Yeah.

Divorce, essentially.

What else is what other analogies have we had so far?

Um, just steamy, wet

custard or whatever.

So he moved in, then out, then in again, like a husband who argued with his wife a lot.

It was truly erotic.

Is it?

Is it?

Sounds pretty standard to me.

In, out, out, in, out.

That's very revealing as well that Rocky thinks when you argue with your partner a lot, you move in and out.

Like, quite, quite full on to move out.

Yeah, I mean, a lot.

Every time you argue.

Maybe it's down to the pavilion for the night, you know.

She's got a little overnight bag by the door.

Belinda squeezed all her inside muscles and rode the orgasmic waves like the Poseidon adventure.

Oh, wow, this is epic, isn't it?

It is.

What was the Poseidon adventure?

It's a movie in like the 70s.

That wasn't the one where the boat turned in.

Was it a disaster?

I think so.

It was a disaster movie.

Orgasmic waves, wasn't it?

Like about a tsunami, I think.

Oh, was it a storm?

Yeah.

And it tipped the boat on its head.

Oh, sure.

Because the waves were so strong.

Right.

Amazing.

So they were like walking on the ceiling.

Who were.

That's very cool.

I think you recorded the first half of one film and the second half of another.

And they laughed and they had to stop laughing and then they came down.

So she squeezed all her inside muscles and rowed the orgasmic waves like the Poseidon adventure.

Pulling out, Belinda began to deep throat Peter Jr.

The thick...

Peter Jr.

Don't call it Peter Jr.

Peter Jr.

I've never given my penis a name.

No.

Have you?

No.

I don't seriously think anyone does give their penis a name, do they?

No, they do.

In fact, one of our dear footnotes guests has named his penis something.

Who?

Michael Sheen.

Named his penis.

He has called his penis the great Christine Boransky.

That's good.

Oh, I might do that just for shits and giggles.

Yeah.

But do you give it another name, like a friend?

Or do you give it a name that's a sort of character like The Rock?

Like, I don't mean The Rock, but like

the beast.

Well, I think name it after one of your favourite legendary actresses.

A dame, some would say.

But does he name it that?

Mine's Dame Judy Danch.

But do you,

who do you tell that to?

Because I think we've...

Millions of people married.

What I mean is, we've discussed before that nicknames are to be given, not to be created yourself.

In the throes of passion, I don't think you'd be like...

Meet Christine Bronson.

Alice, meet the great Christine Boronski.

Do you...

Vagina name?

Poop names?

Poop names, no.

I did actually wear a very low-cut top once, and somebody said, oh, the Levins are out.

And I was like, don't call them the Levins, because that's my parents.

So that was unnerving.

Oh, God.

So, um,

gross.

Yeah, hideous.

And then all I could think about was, yeah.

They're always close to my heart.

But Linda, we had to deep throat Peter Jr., the thick appendage plugging a gob.

She licked and sucked his cock as she dug out her pussy.

What?

What?

Dug out.

She said she's why is she digging out a pussy oh she's masturbating while she gives a blowjob right thank you dug it out though i mean you shouldn't have to dig it out there should be no excavation involved yeah

but then everything that he writes is so it's always major construction isn't there it's always she sounds like she's fracking that's his building background you see what his business with his economy building with a digging out a pussy i can imagine placards fucking not fracking yeah exactly he was truly the tiger voods of bonking.

Right, stop.

Who?

The tiger voods.

You know, he's obsessed with like not naming people because of legal reasons, blah, blah.

I guess he means the tiger woods.

So is it two capital Vs?

No, that would have been even better.

No, it's just a V.

Tiger Voods.

Tiger Woods.

He was truly the Tiger Voods of bonking, having the stamina of a big cat who always got a hole in one.

We don't even say the Tiger Woods of bonking, do you?

You just say the Tiger Woods.

He was the Tiger Woods.

Well, because Tiger Woods was known for bonking too right that's true but he's not called tiger woods because he's got the stamina of a big cat

i don't understand any of this

let's break it down okay so he he was truly the the tiger woods of bonking of bonking having the stamina of a big cat that's the tiger i guess yeah and always got a hole in one golf reference i guess it's the tiger that i'm struggling with because is tiger woods his real name i think so yeah

so he's not named because he has the stamina of no but i think dad's just using that as a reference as to why someone else would be called tiger oh no his real name is eldric tonte okay

doesn't quite have the same uh you can see why he changed it he's the eldric tonte of shackling

oh i love that we found that out i thought tiger woods' real name was tiger yeah i did um but we can see i mean you know when people change their names and you're like oh don't get a hollywood name yeah eldric Tonk.

I don't hold that against him, do you?

He still has Woods.

Woods is his real surname.

Actually, that's what I'm going to call my boobs.

Eldrick Tompk.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

New to Dash Pass?

To sign up for a three-month free trial, check left.

Terms apply.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Avoiding your unfinished home projects because you're not sure where to start?

Thumbtack knows homes so you don't have to.

Don't know the difference between matte paint finish and satin or what that clunking sound from your dryer is.

With thumbtack, you don't have to be a home pro.

You just have to hire one.

You can hire top-rated pros, see price estimates, and read reviews all on the app.

Download today.

Less carbs, more crushing it.

That's what you get with Egg Life Egg White Wraps.

When your schedule awakens from its summer slumber, turn every meal into a chance to level up your protein game.

We're talking Bring It On Breakfast Tacos, Ready to Roll Wraps, and Power Packed PBJs.

Egg Life Egg White Wraps, the winning play in your mealtime playbook.

Egg Life, sneaky protein.

Find us chilling in the fridge at Aldi, Target, Whole Foods, and more.

There's something alluring in the agua.

With three distinctive destinations, Aguacaliente Casinos is the escape you've been waiting for.

There's something entertaining in the agua.

Here, you'll find the hottest acts on tour.

There's something spectacular in the agua.

Once again, we were named a Forbes four-star winner for Hotel and Steakhouse and five-star winner for the Sunstone Spa.

Explore more at aguacalientecasinos.com.

Problem gambling, call 1-800-GAMBLER.

The other members of the gathering wasted no time in following their lead.

As special trade envoys, Alphonse Stirbacher and Jim Sterling

were giddy as little goats skipping across a bridge.

Alphonse.

He has lost the plot.

Alphonse enjoyed navigating Giselle's human form, Becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest

abrasive.

Also, does give a bit.

Yeah, kind of chalky.

Becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest brush of flesh to flesh.

You're right, though, you could have chosen harder stones.

Granite.

Yeah.

Cement.

Cement.

Cement.

But it's nice that you took part.

Catching.

Pebble.

Breezeblock.

Okay, rude and rude.

We're all supposed to be being nice to each other today.

Breezeblock was harsh.

Why don't you take Eldrick and Tom and be on your way?

So Alphonse enjoyed navigating Giselle's human form, becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest brush of flesh to flesh.

With perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils, she was a bonny lassie.

Did you mean to say perk?

Perk.

Is that not?

Perky?

He means pert.

He's put perk.

With perk.

There's too many here.

With perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils.

She sounds like, do you remember the green M ⁇ M?

The sexy.

It was

legs and an M ⁇ M.

And didn't they say it was too sexy?

Yeah, too sexy.

She gets canceled for being too sexy.

I think they just toned down her sexiness.

I think it was like a bit misogynistic.

Oh, right.

Oh, yeah, they put her in trainers, didn't they?

I think they flattened her heels, yeah.

Like, it is interesting with, like, you know, cartoon characters that are sexy.

I know that we haven't touched on it before.

And you know that Miriam Margulies was the voice of the sexy Cadbury bunny.

No.

Not only

Belinda's Clit, famously, but also that, yeah, that bunny that was like sexy.

Miriam Margulies did the voice of the sexy bunny.

Yeah, apparently she used to do loads of like sex stuff.

That Cabrie's bunny was absolutely banging.

Was it your sexual awakening?

No, but I do remember thinking, God, she's got it going on.

It was also just a bit weird because it was so unnecessary.

Like, I can see why, like, is she called Jessica Rabbit?

Yeah, the really hot one.

Yeah, like, that's part of the character.

Do you need a sexy cartoon bunny to sell?

Why do we have rabbits?

Why do you always rabbits?

Rampant rabbits, you know, they are known to be sexual creatures.

There are some animators that have really unresolved issues around their family pets.

She was also a voice of the chimps in the PG Tips adverts.

Why do you know so much about Miriam Margulies?

I read a book.

Did you?

I did.

He's looking for voice work after this.

He's like, What could I play?

One of our big regrets is not getting Miriam Margulies on the show.

And do you know what?

From reading her book, I was like, My God, she would have been the perfect guest.

If only she listened.

I mean, you know, we don't get people on who don't listen, but she'd be great.

Jamie, I'm sure you're thinking about your career beyond this.

Yes.

I think you could do character voice work.

I'm waiting for Pixar to call me.

Pixar, Dreamwork's more like.

Oh, wow.

Are they the ones that are known for like doing great films?

But basically the same film as Pixar, but just a slightly shitter version.

Bugs Life.

Ants.

Sure.

Ants.

And then like...

Or aunts, as Jamie calls it.

Aunts.

And then...

Callback.

And then

when Finding Nemo came out, they had Shark Tale, didn't they?

Oh, I saw that one.

Yeah, exactly.

Even Scorsese couldn't save that that one.

Scorsese's in shark tail.

Yeah, it's like a voice in shark tail.

Yeah.

God, I'm learning some stuff today.

Okay, that really was a tangent, guys.

Even for us.

Okay.

So just to repeat this: with perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils, she was a bonny lassie, and Alphonse knew the recipe to make her furry feline fizz.

What does that noise mean?

You're all right.

Just means I don't really know what to say anymore.

Why are you salivating?

Well, like fizzy vagina, drippy vagina.

Well, Fizz, just like, you know, excited, I reckon.

And her furry feline.

Feline pussy.

Furry pubic hair.

We can always track it back to some sort of logic if we go far enough.

Bella grabbed Jim Sterling.

Her plan for the evening was picking off the weakest before working up.

That sounds so sinister.

That's the spirit.

Her plan for the evening was picking off the weakest before working up to the most virile last.

Oh, right, so she's sort of warming up.

Right, which kind of makes sense, I suppose.

Yeah, definitely.

Sure.

As he slipped inside her, he began to shake with passion.

Not after long, Bella's delicious bouncing jugs nearly took her eye out as she writhed and gooed up and down the Texan multi-millionaire.

Took her own eye out.

I can guarantee that has never happened.

That somebody has never been hit in the eye by their own boob and taken it out.

They'd have to be pretty droopy, wouldn't they?

I think you'd also have to have some kind of piercing on the nipple for it to take out

the eye.

Don't they need more like

length?

Yeah, length on them than elasticity.

Because if they're too big, they probably stay quite in place.

I mean, one of the fundamental issues is the physics of them being very, very soft breasts.

Yeah, well, exactly.

James thinks that the bigger they are, like what, the harder they are and they don't move at all.

That's kind of the opposite, to be honest.

Oh, right, okay.

Unless they're obviously enhanced.

Well, yeah, if they're fake, they'll be very, very fake.

Right, maybe that's what I'm thinking about.

I think that is what you're thinking about, yeah.

His only reference of boobs is Pamela Anderson.

Oh, well, and Euro Trash.

Do you remember the woman on that who had massive boobs?

Did you think they were real?

Yeah, that was a show in the 90s that you'd watch if you were a kid to get any access to nudity.

Dare I say not completely representative of the female form of those two source materials.

Or Europe, I'd say.

Well,

also, interesting, voiceover, Maria McCurlin.

The voice of Eurotrage.

Maria McCurlin.

Maria McCurlin.

Who's Maria McCurlin?

And why am I hearing so much about her?

I love Maria McCurlin.

She does Graham Norton's radio show with him.

Maria McCurlan.

What's happened to him today?

I think he's trying to get another job.

I don't think Maria McCurlin wants getting dragged into this.

Thank you very much.

Do you feel like he's got a little like notepad of like everything he hasn't ever he's never mentioned that he just wants to like crowbar in so incongruous isn't it

he's like do you know how much krill there is in the ocean i'm like what you mentioned euro trash like do you want to know the chemical formula for it's like no get on with it read the book

oh now i can read the book can i what's on your computer screen where are you reading from i'm reading from a but where are your facts coming from a brain his brain he's learnt them on the way here hasn't he what you think that because i was imagining everything that james could possibly say to have a fact associated with him.

You're defensive, Jamie.

For something written on his hand.

God,

cheat, cheat, cheap.

Do you know what?

I wish him all the best.

I hope he does get a job.

Did you want dictionary corner?

Susie's already got it, but she might retire.

Jamie, info at treeworks.com.

Email them

and they'll sort you up.

Maria McCurland.

Right.

Poor woman.

Poor woman getting dragged into this sordid affair so late in the day.

She'll get tweets.

She thought she'd swerved it in the last episode.

Oh god, how are you spelling that?

She's actually great.

I love her.

Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Mimi.

I'm currently

anyway.

What was the fact?

She's the voice of what?

Euro trash.

You're the voice of.

Okay, that is a good fact.

Literally dragging him through the mud and and then be like, that's quite good.

Oh my god.

Honestly, we're like, you're a piece of shit.

Why do you keep going out with that?

And then James's like, I'm actually going to mention that down the podcast.

Gee, Bella, you've got an amazing fuck grip.

Jim scoffed.

That went down the wrong hole.

What's the fuck grip?

We just...

Fuck grip.

Like, I think it's what the patriarchy calls the pelvic floor.

Is that what you're hearing that a lot in locker rooms?

Oh, yeah.

Jim scoffed in between heavy catches of breath.

Oh.

Gee, Bella, you've got an amazing fuck grip.

She really are starting with the weakest.

Thanks, Bobo.

Hey!

Hang on, though, because this might be the last time we hear Bella.

Oh, my God, but it will be.

Thanks, Bobo.

Bella boomed.

It's my pay lattes.

He's spelt that very.

That's her last line.

It's my palatase.

P-E-L-A-R-T-A-Y-S.

I stopped listening, honestly.

Like the first two letters.

Palatas.

As the seconds melted into a minute, and through the erratic panting, Bella could just decipher

I'm close.

So is James.

Good.

Pull out and paint my face.

Oh, this is so rough.

Paint my face.

It's paints all over it.

It's gonna be a Picasso if ever I've seen one.

Jim obliged and slopped his newish, big, thick member out of Bella's slushy pussy.

Grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck and

That's a fantastic description.

Choke the chicken.

Its neck is disgusting.

Oh my god.

Wring its neck.

Grabbing it in his hand.

Imagine somebody saying to you, ring its neck.

Ring the great Christy Voransky's neck.

And somebody go, what?

And they go, no, no, no, no.

This Christina asked me.

Grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck.

Why does it sound like it's the only kind thing to do?

You know, when you're like, I have to wring its neck.

Oh, grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck

until thick blue gloops of DNA splattered everywhere.

Ring its neck is fantastic.

It's vile.

Fantastic.

What a beautiful way to end.

Ring its neck.

The engine can't go over it.

I just can't stop saying it over and over in my head.

It now makes me think of the top of the penis having a little mouth on it.

Oh, God.

Like the shaft's the neck.

Yeah.

And also a bit like, you know, when you give someone a friction burn on their wrist and so your hands are going in different directions.

So you're sort of grabbing at it as if it was someone's arm and then,

it really is quite final, which is fitting, I suppose, for this episode.

All of a sudden, the door of the Brazilian feasting room burst open.

It's got walls now.

And the door.

And it's now a Brazilian feasting room.

The main manager man zoomed in as red as the inside of Giselle's Giselle's pussy lids.

Zoomed in, is he on some kind of scooter or something?

I imagine him on like a segue.

Yeah, that's exactly how I picture him.

I don't think that's what he was going for here, though.

I'm not going to even attempt a Brazilian accent because I got into so much shit for it, you know, with Marco Arriguez.

So

oh, yeah, Marco.

Well, how did you do Marco?

Just do Marco?

No, I did a lisp, which is wrong.

Well, don't do that then.

Do it right.

How dare you?

This is a respectable establishment.

The Italian owner said.

He lived in Rome his whole life.

He yelled the baldish main manager man.

Get out!

You are bad, a lot of you.

He spent a little bit of time in Spain because his mother's vanished.

So finally, someone who comes from the real world is like, you can't just fuck in my restaurant.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Is this the first time they've ever been stopped?

I think so.

Yeah, it's just like, this is random, ridiculous behavior.

You shouldn't be doing this here.

Because we just assumed in the world of Belinda Blink, like this was

acceptable, yeah.

But not in the banks of Rio de Janeiro, clearly.

Um, so you're barred, they're barred.

Well, they're never going back, are they?

They won't give you that for that, are they?

What a punishment, yeah.

Deviled.

Have you ever been barred from a pub?

I don't think so.

Alice?

I've never been to a pub.

Pub?

Question mark?

I'm sorry, have you been barred from pubs, Jane?

I have been barred from

well, it's easier to list what he's allowed.

I have been barred from one pub, and this was, oh God, about 10 years ago.

It actually made national news.

I knew it was going to be something else that we haven't mentioned before.

Why have we never talked about this?

I was in the pub.

It was a pub in Soho in London.

And next to our table, there was a gay couple on a date.

Not me.

For once.

I didn't know them.

And they started making out because it wasn't even like a makeout really.

They just kissed each other and they got thrown out of the pub

and then I

remember this I remember this it was like front page of the Guardian stuff it was the

yes exactly and I've never been I was barred famously but I would never go back anyway I wouldn't go back because I saw it in the news yeah so that so that I then started protesting in the pubs be like you can't throw someone up for that he's an ally I am who knew and then

you would have known um and then me and my friend Lucy we got barred as well we got thrown out and then barred.

We were like, you can never come back.

And then, yeah, it was in the press and all sorts.

Oh, my God, of course.

His barring has to make national media.

It's fucking front page.

Ridiculous.

Was there a picture of you as well, or like a quote from you?

I think there was a quote from me somewhere and Lucy as well.

But I always wonder what happened to that couple because they were really nice.

But I mean, it was the first date, so they're probably not still together.

Jamie, on behalf of the gay community, thank you for your...

tireless efforts to make safer spaces in London.

Look, it was outrageous and justice had to be served.

And I think it was actually, I think there was a change of management at that pub.

So, can we go back here?

I think you can.

I still can't, but go nuts.

Do you think your face is behind the bar?

How do they ever remember?

This is like a fan about barring people.

Because he was on the cover of The Guardian.

He made sure his face was beginning.

I wasn't on the cover of The Guardian.

But the couple had a photo shoot on the

page, yeah.

JB provided headshots, but they never made the spread.

So they've been barred.

Right.

So the chief executives all giggled and laughed and tittered as they were escorted out, smeared with sex sweat and a reckless nature.

However, unfortunately for them, as this mob of naked bodies flooded the street,

a passing police car summoned its sirens.

Uh-oh.

In the clink.

Maus para si ma voice este de titos.

I'm sure that was perfect.

Should I google that?

Sure.

Portuguese, obviously.

Which is a hard accent.

Uh

maus paraquima voce esta de tido.

Hands up, you are detained.

Okay.

Oh.

Busted.

Um, so, James, you've said that so beautifully.

Just say it again.

Maus paraquima voce esta detido.

The police people screamed as they began handcuffing everyone they could see.

Oh god, they'll love that.

Belinda was no novice when it came to evading capture.

This is true.

Or evading work.

Quite.

And with a thankful kiss to spoons above them all, she grabbed Giselle and Bella.

Oh, so that's like to the heavens, is that?

Yeah.

Manoeuvring the beautifully patterned sidewalk stones.

That is famous, isn't it?

In Rio?

The beautiful pavements.

Okay.

There he goes again.

Manoeuvring.

This is for his travel show.

All right, Palin, put it away.

Manoeuvring the beautifully patterned sidewalk stones, the glee team became lost in deepest, darkest Rio.

Fully nude.

Fully nude.

Nude to the eyeballs, is what you would say.

Belinda knew only one hiding place.

As they trudged through the sand, Mother Nature's whispers.

I thought they were on the side streets.

Well, as they trudged through the sand.

Don't you put that little finger over me?

Don't you well and then finger me.

We just had a whole sentence about the pavements and we've gone straight to the sand.

Well, if you know Brazil.

I don't.

Okay.

Well, as they trudged through.

We might learn something.

As they trudged through the sand.

Horrid little finger.

As they trudged through the sand, Mother Nature's whispers caressed their naked bodies on the Ipanema beach.

Wind.

It's like reading a cryptic crossword.

Mother Nature's whispers, four letters.

Also, you have to accept, and I know that we're eight years deep, so everybody knows this, but you have to accept that time passes in a strange way, distances pass in a strange way, you're on the cobbles, you're on the sand.

No, no, no, but that is famous in Rio, is that those sidewalks are next to the beach.

I'm just saying, Al.

I'm just saying.

I don't know, it's starting to feel like the later Game of Thrones seasons, you know, when the crows traveled really quickly, they're like, send me the crow, and you'd get there in like an hour.

We get it.

It's more important than ever to get the most out of your money.

Options are key.

Options like Lyft, where you get great rewards, especially with partners like Dash Pass by DoorDash.

If you're a Dash Pass member, just link your DoorDash account and you'll get 5% off on-demand rides, 10% off scheduled rides to the airport, plus two free priority pickup upgrades every month.

New to Dash Pass?

To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Terms apply.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day, Scratchers, from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Planting themselves down, Giselle mused something.

If only we had smuggled a box of cachaça out of there.

Well,

where's she pulling it from?

Come on, don't.

Unless she's wearing a backpack, let's skip over this bit.

What is cachaça?

It's the sugar.

Is it sugar spirit?

Yeah.

Oh, I thought it was like a box of nuts.

That you make.

Then I was like, where's she putting that?

No, it's what you make a caipurinia from, isn't it?

Oh, okay, right.

Well, turns out I've always been good at hide the buckle.

Oh, no.

Bocle.

Is it written buckle?

Buckle.

It's written buckle.

I know where this is going, and I don't like it.

Do you?

Where on earth is it going?

I mean, two cents ago, they were being arrested, so I can't keep up.

I've always been good at hide the buckle, Bella barked, removing a practically full gird of Brazilian elixir.

From where?

Doesn't specify.

You'd imagine it.

Well it's coming from, yeah, it's coming from an older.

Well exactly, so I knew where this is going.

Gosh,

how we do love you, Bella.

Words or tongues can never communicate it.

Giselle laughed.

While they were stocking the bar, Belinda had been scavenging the sand for some old driftwood.

Stocking the bar?

Are they setting up a beach bar?

And where have they got where more than one bottle?

Well, I think they have just got one bottle of cachafa.

Grabbing the perfect twiggies, she got on her hands and knees, her perfect ass as plump and whole as the full moon above.

Whole?

Why would it be anything other than whole?

She began rubbing the hard bits of wood together as vigorously as a teenage boy discovering self-pleasure for the first time.

Wringing its neck.

Not before too long, there was a fire.

Wow.

Who knew they were such survival experts?

Bear grills.

Are you guys imagining it at night or in the day?

No,

a nighttime meal.

Not before too long, there was a fire.

Lighting multiple pieces of rubbish, Belinda looked at her comrades.

They're burning rubbish.

I thought she was finding loads of driftwood.

I don't say this lightly, she spoke, but I love you girls.

I don't know who I'd be without your friendship, guidance and laughter in my life.

It's been an adventure.

Oh, bloody hell.

And there have been hard parts, of course.

Yeah, when one of them was on the run for being a murderer.

Like weeks ago.

Homicidal maniac, if I recall.

Tried to kill them.

Tried to kill them many, many times.

There's been hard parts.

There's been highs.

There's been lows.

You would say they were arch nemeses, wouldn't you?

At one point, yeah.

But all was forgiven.

And, you know, friendships are complicated, you know.

So there have been hard parts, of course.

Oh,

there have been many hard parts, Belinda.

Laughed Giselle.

Love that bit.

It's a good one.

It's a good one.

Well, you can't laugh.

You were the hard part.

a fucking nightmare.

Erections.

Oh, erections.

Yeah.

Still not that funny.

Oh, I mean, I would say less funny.

I think it's funnier to be like, oh, whoopsie, that was me.

I think you made it funnier than it was intended, and I don't think that that can go without comment.

Oh, there have been many hard parts, but

remember Adam and his bushmill stained hose.

Never mind his red London bus carc.

Can you say it quieter and clearer?

Sorry.

So loud.

Bella, you're on the run from the police.

Shut the fuck up.

They're round a campfire.

They're right there.

Remember Adam and his bushmill stained hose?

Never mind his red London bus cock.

Bella cackled.

No.

Bello.

Of all the memories.

Of all the memories.

I can't say I do.

Oh,

I do.

I really do.

Belinda.

Belinda wheezed and continued.

Ha ha, ha ha wee.

There you go.

It's a classic ha ha, ha ha wee moment.

God, girlies, this sand will be rock solid with tears and juices if you don't stop me laughing.

I'm not sure that's how sand works, but that's the least of our worries, isn't it?

I mean, they've definitely like

found their tribe, haven't they?

Oh, God.

I mean, yeah, we can all agree on that.

Like, I don't know if that's a compliment.

If you brought anyone else into this group, you're like, fuck you laughing at?

I don't get any of it.

Oh, God, girl, this sound will be rock solid with tears and juices if you don't stop me laughing.

But seriously, this new position, it's really frying my Brian.

What a shoe.

I think it's frying your Brian.

It's frying my Brian.

I think it just fried your Brian real good.

Oh, God.

Frying my Brian.

It's really frying.

It's really frying my Brian.

I think that's Brian.

It's really frying my brain.

I have to ask a question.

What's my favourite type of egg?

What's this?

Do you know what this is?

I've got no fucking idea.

You laughed like you knew.

I laughed because it was absurd.

Did you think she was going to ask that question?

I just thought it was so ridiculous.

It must be a thing.

I did that all the way through.

I'm like, oh, this must be a thing.

No, it's just Rocky's like slow dissolution into complete madness.

Oh, God, are they all going to shout at the same time?

Like, poached!

I'm like, oh, look, we're all the same.

My favourite egg

is...

Are you asking the group?

Is what my friend describes as a vicar's egg.

Go on.

So it's sort of hard-boiled, but like the yolk is still kind of shiny.

So, you could peel, you could have it in your pocket as a vicar, and you could peel it, and you could eat it sort of like an older one.

Oh, that's cute, but it's got like a bit of a bit of give to the yolk, a bit of give.

I once ordered a full English on this is fertile ground, isn't it?

Why is it that every finale James has some sort of food-related tale?

Disappointing sandwiches one year, what was it?

Yeah, yeah, the mozzarella.

The mozzarella, yeah.

Go on, yeah.

I once ordered a full English breakfast on Deliveroo.

Have you ever seen an egg that's been travelling for 20 minutes in a jar?

It's a sight to behold.

Was it repulsive?

I didn't eat it.

What?

It was a fried egg, and it had obviously.

Imagine just like.

James, I can't.

I mean, talk about juices and wetness.

This egg had seen it all.

It's not designed for distance, though, is it?

An egg, I would say, is an instant food.

Out of the pan, onto the plate, as has been said.

Anyway, so I have to ask you a question.

What's my favourite type of egg?

Giselle.

Oh, lordy Lou.

You really must be pissed.

Giselle laughed off, but then she contemplated the question with a respectful air.

Why?

Favourite type of egg.

Hmm.

This better go somewhere.

This better go somewhere.

If this is the finale, people have tuned in for this.

Favourite type of egg.

Hmm.

That's a tricky one.

Is it frozen to keep your reproduction options open?

Oh, okay.

She proffered.

Why's Rocky getting involved with that discussion?

Nope.

But good thinking, Bat Girl.

Bella?

Are we near the end?

I'm just like, how is he going to wrap this up?

No.

But good thinking, Bat Girl.

Bella?

Is this like one of those things, like, what's your favorite kind of boat?

A friendship?

Like, is it going to come back around like

a friend egg?

Excellent adventures.

Exciting orgasms.

Do you know what?

We've just rounded this off better than it could possibly happen in the next four sentences.

Nope.

But good thinking, Bat Girl.

Bella?

If every bizbreck we've ever had told the truth, I'd say poached.

Bingo.

Belinda.

She's poaching them.

She's poaching them to take them with her for the job.

She's poaching them.

She's going to take them.

Oh, God.

Why did she just say that?

What's my favourite type of egg?

Bingo.

Powdered.

Belinda tintinabulated.

Is that a word?

Let's check.

I don't want this to go.

unremarked upon.

Is it the last word?

Oh my god.

God, that's a weird looking word.

Yeah, isn't it?

Is it a real word?

You look how it's written, though.

It's written like a rocky word.

Tintinabulated.

The first tin, one N.

The second tin, two N.

It's bonkers.

A ringing or tinkling sound.

Oh.

Tintinabulation.

Bingo.

Tintinabulated.

Consider you both.

What?

Yeah, I'm with...

I'm Bella in this situation.

Oh, and what?

Bella and Giselle Last.

Clearly too drunk themselves to understand.

No, I think it is quite coded.

Yeah, it's super convoluted.

Well, I can't run bish all on my lonesome, can't I?

That's what you've been hired to do.

I need both of you.

How would you like to join me over in East Berlin?

What an offer.

It may only take one woman to sell a few pans, but

it's going to take at least three to take over the world.

Is this supposed to be rousing?

Is this supposed to feel as a woman?

I'm not inspired.

Shifting her numbing ass from one bit of sand to another bit of sand.

That's distracting.

Giselle raised her glass of cachaça.

Oh, they took glasses too.

Have they forged those?

With the fire and the sand.

They really are nifty.

Giselle raised her glass.

See Bella blowing glasses on the beach.

Flute, anyone?

Giselle raised a glass of cachesa to the heavens.

Her lips opened, allowing words to flow.

G

is for gin.

Oh,

tea.

Bella grinned.

Bella grinned and held her flute.

and laughed.

Titties is platonic!

Beaming, Belinda raised her own glassware receptacle to join theirs.

Our six titties are supersonic.

In unison, the friends, colleagues, and soul sisters chanted.

Ready, guys?

Do you remember it?

Should we do it?

So I think.

we don't mind men, we don't like fuss.

With the complete

come and get us

to be fair, that was actually phenomenal.

Where did we dredge that from?

When the police arrived:

the triumvirate of power women downed their caches.

Bella looked at Belinda.

Belinda looked at Giselle.

Giselle looked at Bella.

Bella looked at Giselle.

Giselle looked at Belinda.

Looked at Bella.

All in a confident silence, decorated with the beautiful drapery of smiles.

Guys,

Belinda blinked.

Oh,

of course, she had to.

She had had to.

And that is the end of my dad rose.

Oh, my God.

Stop.

Wow.

Wow.

Oh, my God.

I actually didn't expect him to say that.

That's the last piece of rocky writing we'll ever read.

Oh, my God.

One can but dream.

Yeah, never say never.

If all of the job requests that you've put out in the previous episode don't don't come to fruition, you might be giving us a call.

Yeah, if it's a no from dream works, I'll be back.

Wow, so she said no to the drop.

Hang on, James, quickly.

I actually brought some champagne just for the end of the, you know,

for the chapter.

Alice, I was hoping you could blow some glasses outside, actually.

What's hilarious is Alice has to turn her fridge off for record.

Yeah.

So she's been chilling the champagne in a fridge that is off.

Can you do the honours, Jamie?

Oh my god, I'm like shaking.

I'm actually.

Do you want James to do it?

No, no, it's all right.

No, he still wants the glory.

This is always the.

Oh, I was going to say anticlimactic pop, but actually really good.

Well, cheers, everyone.

Cheers.

Cheers.

Cheers.

This is so special.

It is.

Oh, God.

Members that are six glasses.

James looked at Alice.

Alice looked at Jamie.

Jamie looked at James.

Jamie looked at Alice.

Yes, exactly.

So did you want to do a quick recap, James?

You were in the middle of doing that.

Well, I was just going to say, so as we leave her on her adventures, she remains single.

Yeah.

Great.

She's going to carry on being that independent woman.

And as we remember from the subtitle of the original book, How the Sexiest Salesgirl in Business Earned Her Huge Bonus by Being the Best at Removing Her High Heels.

I mean, she's done that.

She's done it.

Sort of, yeah.

I mean, the high heels thing is a bit random.

Would you guys agree this was a modern story of sex, erotica, and passion?

Yeah.

I think modern's pushing it, but.

If it's not passionate and erotic, it's definitely not modern.

Yeah, so she got her bonus.

She's got this amazing job and she's got her glee team.

As a reader, I feel entirely satisfied.

And of course, you know, we should say that dad will continue writing Belinda Blink.

It's not going to end.

It's just, you know, reading these books

is no longer going to happen.

We have no control over that.

Exactly.

He will continue until his grave.

And long may Belinda reign.

I did want to kind of say a few things, if that's all right, just because...

I did wonder why he was clutching his phone like that.

Yeah, I thought we'd done everything on your list.

Well,

I was going to read up my CV.

Okay.

No,

I just wanted to kind of say a few things because it is the end of My Dad Rottoporno.

Have you prepared a speech?

I have a little bit, yeah.

Oh, okay.

Oh, my God.

Well, thank God someone did.

I know.

Seriously.

One of us should take it seriously, guys.

So it goes without saying that My Dad Rottoporno has been a pretty life-changing experience for all of us.

And I met these two idiots, you know, when I was 18 years old.

And I didn't really have a clue who I was or what I wanted to do.

And to think that 20 years later we would have done all these ridiculously stupid things together is kind of unbelievable.

And you two really are like my siblings more than my friends.

So I just want to say

I just want to say a massive thank you to both of you for being brave enough to read these sordid pages with me, you know, without knowing what the hell we were going to discover at any point.

You really took a massive leap of faith and there is nobody, nobody on the planet I would have rather

read my dad's porn with than you guys.

So to you two.

To us.

Cheers.

And speaking of dad porn, how can I not thank Rocky Flintstone?

Yes.

You know, for being the best sport in the world and the best dad, obviously.

But we have time to get all gooey with him because he is going to be appearing next week on his first and last footnotes episode ever.

Don't say gooey, but yeah.

Yeah,

there's no better person to round off Malabar Porno than the man himself, so we cannot wait to have him on the mic with us.

But it's not just dad, I have to thank my three sisters and, of course, my mum.

Of course.

Hello, Wilma.

Wilma's been through the ringer.

She really has for letting all this happen in the first place.

So

to the whole Flintstone fam, thank you very much.

To the Flintstone family.

To the Flintstone.

Thank you, the Flintstone.

Cheers, cheers.

What a clan.

And last but not least,

and I know I kind of speak for all three of us when I say this, actually.

I'm not sure about that.

Where's it going?

Yeah, I'll put an Adrian once a perfect thank you.

A massive thank you to the listeners.

The Belinkers.

I do agree with that.

You guys are just amazing.

And my favourite thing about this show has been the community that we've built together.

All of us together.

You're the most supportive, funny, creative, loyal gang of perverts.

Whether it's painstakingly designing the Crinomore knife or writing countless versions of Fuck Me Ken,

you've been so involved and invested in the adventures of Belinda.

And it's been so amazing seeing you being there for each other, too.

I remember a few years ago, someone tweeted that the pod had helped them with their mental health and they were struggling.

And there were so many replies from fellow listeners offering support and love.

And one of you said, We Belinkas stick together, and I think that sums us all up, really.

We're one big, perverted family now, and we've never taken you guys for granted.

And without you listening, we would never have made it this far.

I mean, Belinda would probably still be handcuffed to a trellis in a maze somewhere.

You really have been the best, and I know I speak for all of us when I say it's been a privilege to make the show for you all.

So, to the Berlinkers, to the Belinkers.

Oh, what a motley crew.

So,

with that, we close the book of Belinda Blinked.

But as we've said, do come back next week

for our very last episode.

We can't help it.

We're going, but not yet.

Yeah, the very last episode with a truly iconic, can we say, I'm going to say iconic, Rocky Flintstone.

I mean, completely nuts that we're letting him come on to basically have the last word.

It's the official right to reply, isn't it?

After all these years of

having a pop.

And next week, we promise is the final thing.

But it is right.

It is the final, final.

It really is the end next week.

You've said it already, Jamie.

I don't really know what else to add to that, but lovely words.

I know from when things that I've enjoyed watching and listening to, when they end, it really feels like a loss.

And I think it will feel like a big loss in our lives that we don't come and sit around the table and do this because it's been such a big part of our friendship and a big, big part of just how we've grown up in like nearly 10 years.

Probably like when we first started talking about it, it's really bonkers to me.

I feel like I've been in one of Rocky's scenes and the times jumped from 2014 to 2022 and I don't know how it happened.

It's

wild.

And I'd like to say a few words, even though you two have fucking stolen everything to say.

I agree with everything they said and I endorse it.

Imagine me saying it too.

But I think we should say some specific thank thank yous.

Thank you to everyone who was a footnotes guest.

Yes.

We love you all.

And thank you so much for giving us your time to chat about the crazy world of Belinda.

We also want to thank our friend Klein who designed that little podcast artwork you're always trying to hide on your phone so people don't know what you're listening to.

Our friend Klein Borrell designed that and he did a fantastic job.

So thank you, Klein.

Martin Batchelor.

Legend.

He came up with the now iconic Madhadra Aporn theme tune.

He did.

We sent him a very weird brief eight years ago.

Did we say a kind of sexy, slinky, sleazy 70s, corny?

So, round of apples.

Martin.

Our friend Annie Morris, who has helped us with loads of our posters and all the beautiful designs you see on our socials.

Gorgeous, gorgeous, that's awesome.

Beautiful gowns.

And we just want to give a big shout out to ACAST, who are our distributor.

I've never really known what we're doing.

That's a very informal way of saying it.

I feel like we've grown up with them.

We have.

They saw something in us really early.

I remember we pitched the idea super early.

They were like, I love it.

It's hilarious.

And we've kind of been with them ever since and they've been amazing and they've been nurturing.

They've gone from small offices to big offices.

I'm just saying, like, is that correlation something to do with this success?

And because of this world we've built together and this big gang or perverted family as Jamie put it,

you know, we thought the podcast is ending, but I don't want to be too teasy here, but my dad wrote a porno isn't ending.

So just keep your eyes peeled.

That's all I'm gonna say.

You don't create a phenomenon and then put a full stop after it.

You don't, you put a semicolon, and that's what you're doing.

So, consider this a semicolon, and just you know, we'll see you soon.

So, yes, please do join us next week for the last ever episode and a very special footnotes with the main man himself, Mr.

Rocky Flintstone.

Actually, can't wait.

It's gonna be amazing.

And we're back live during a flex alert.

Dialed in on the thermostat.

Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

And that's the end of the third.

Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

Clutch move by the home team.

What's the game plan from here on out?

Laundry?

Not today.

Dishwasher?

Sidelined.

What a performance by Team California.

The power truly is ours.

During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.