The Finale - Part 2

Transcript

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Speaker 10 The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language. Basically, all the good stuff.

Speaker 10 Hello, and welcome to the last ever chapter of My Dad Wrote a Porno.

Speaker 10 I know. I can't hear those words.
I never thought I would. So mad.
It hasn't hit home still, has it? I think we were talking last week, it hasn't hit home, but this really is it.

Speaker 10 Well, we do have one more episode. I say it's the final, it's the final one of us reading a book, but we do have an amazingly special episode next week

Speaker 10 of Footnotes with Dad, hearing from Rocky Flintstone himself for the first and the last time.

Speaker 21 Hearing his dulcet tones, hearing his actual voice.

Speaker 10 Do you think he'll just use it as an opportunity to really have a go at us? He's like, you know, we should have. That's another thing.
Yeah.

Speaker 10 He'll probably come with receipts and we're like, James, you said this in 2018.

Speaker 21 Oh, no, you know you'll be fine. It'll be me and Jamie that are dragged over hot coals.

Speaker 10 It's funny that you say that, though, that you guys aren't ready. It's really hit me today.
All day I've been kind of like emotional. What have you been doing? Quoting from the books?

Speaker 21 I'm just like walking around with a big red giant book on a skip.

Speaker 10 I don't know. It's just, it's been such a huge part of our lives, right? And it's been amazing, but I can't kind of believe it's over.

Speaker 21 It's just mind-blowing to me that we've created, all of us together, an actual global community.

Speaker 21 Millions of people. All come together to do this.

Speaker 10 Oh, they're all over the place. They're all over the shop.
And I hope they're all here today for the listening party. Absolutely.
We told you last week we're having a listening party.

Speaker 10 So, wherever you are in the world right now, I hope you've all press play at the same time.

Speaker 10 We're going to listen, tweet along together using the hashtag different this time, by Belinda, B-Y-E-Belinda. Okay, got it.
Hashtag by Belinda.

Speaker 10 And we can all be tweeting on there and having a little drink, having a little joke, having a little reminisce. If I can get through this without blubbing, it'll be a big day.

Speaker 10 Did any of you ever think this would be your job?

Speaker 10 Is it our job? I still don't really think it's our job. Oh, yeah, don't get wrong.
It's super fun and like, you know, it doesn't feel, you know, if you, what's the phrase?

Speaker 10 If you do what you love, you'll never work a day in your life.

Speaker 10 Is that how you feel? Yeah, yeah. I'm wearing the t-shirt right now.

Speaker 10 But it is kind of a job. Did you ever see that you'll be reading your father's erotic literature for a living?

Speaker 21 And that would pay your electricity bill, nearly.

Speaker 10 In my bloody full house that is, yeah, free. It's like a mausoleum.

Speaker 10 No, and I think, you know, well, I mean.

Speaker 21 Jamie regards this as a calling.

Speaker 10 Yeah, this is vocational. This is very much.

Speaker 10 We've all been working consistently on other things throughout the process. So I like to feel like that's my job and this is just something I do with my friends.

Speaker 10 But what did you want to do when you were younger? Surely not this.

Speaker 10 What did you want to do when you were younger?

Speaker 21 Like I wanted to run a video shop.

Speaker 10 Run a video shop. Have I ever talked about this before?

Speaker 21 I mean, probably a thousand times on the podcast, yes.

Speaker 10 But have I told you what I used to do with my sister?

Speaker 21 Take them out of the boxes and line up the boxes and...

Speaker 10 Oh, has this been on the podcast? I couldn't tell you. It's been eight years.
I don't know. James, just retell a story.
It's not like we haven't done it before a million times.

Speaker 10 Well, I'm going to do it just in case. Just do it quickly for God's sake.
Used to use the living room like a video shop.

Speaker 21 And get your sister to come in and read their customers.

Speaker 10 I would take the VHSs out of the box boxes. Place the empty boxes around the corner.

Speaker 10 And then my sister would peruse.

Speaker 21 As the customer. Yeah.

Speaker 10 Choose what she'd like to watch.

Speaker 21 The empty box, yeah.

Speaker 10 Bring it to the counter.

Speaker 21 And then would you get the actual VHS and put it in the empty box?

Speaker 10 Exactly, yeah. I'd go to the to the shelving of the VHSs and put it in the box.
Was it in the room? No, no, no. It's just at the back.
Oh, okay. At the back of the living room.

Speaker 10 So no, like, store cupboard that you can do. Yeah, exactly.
I'd be like, oh, little mermaid, excellent choice. And put it in the box and send her on away.
I'd be like, bring it back tomorrow.

Speaker 10 You've paid for a one-night rental. So have I told that already?

Speaker 21 My mind will be blown if you haven't. This is the main reason why we should end is because I think we're at the bottom of the anecdote barrel.

Speaker 10 Run out of stories about our lives.

Speaker 10 If you haven't told that.

Speaker 21 Incredible. Incredible that you've saved that up because I've heard that in real life so many times.

Speaker 10 So how you've never told it and we've heard about paints on the podcast, but never that. That's a miracle.
Yeah, I thought that was finale-worthy, but it's clearly not.

Speaker 10 But obviously, you know, we are kind of midway through a story here, guys. You know, as much as this is

Speaker 10 sad,

Speaker 10 we have to finish reading the book. We do, we do.
And where did we leave it?

Speaker 8 Well, we left it on quiet.

Speaker 21 Sorry, Jamie clearly doesn't want to dwell in the sentimental.

Speaker 10 He's like, Well, guys, we must bring this story time.

Speaker 10 I've got a train to catch.

Speaker 10 Oh, no, I just, I just.

Speaker 21 Was this your job? He's refusing to admit it's his job.

Speaker 10 job.

Speaker 10 Well, I'm about to become unemployed if it is. Are you trying to avoid some sort of tax arrangement or something? It's helpful.
That's what's going on.

Speaker 10 No, yeah,

Speaker 10 we can keep chatting if you want.

Speaker 10 No, it's fine. We can get back to the book.
Come on, let's. John to his head.
He's right. It's what people have come for.

Speaker 10 Yeah, so Belinda and Peter Rouse were on the banks of Rio de Janeiro. James, we had a marriage proposal.
Oh, yes.

Speaker 10 I mean, one of the biggest things that have ever happened in these books, and you don't even remember it. It was last week.
The will day won't they that nobody wanted.

Speaker 21 It's because the highs are so high and the lows are so low and blinder blind and we are just completely desensitized to any shot.

Speaker 10 Okay so are we ready to find out what she's going to say? Is it a yes? Is it a no? Shall we make our predictions? Okay yes.

Speaker 10 I think she's an independent woman. She don't need no man.
It's going to be a no.

Speaker 21 I think yes, but I think we'll find out at the very beginning of the chapter. I think it'll open like, yes!

Speaker 10 Or

Speaker 21 is it the opposite where we don't get the answer till the very end?

Speaker 10 Oh, like a time jump. Oh, I don't know.
Suppose this episode is all about the wedding. She says yes, and we fast forward, because he's done that before, to her wedding day.
That is true.

Speaker 10 He does miss out crucial details. And Jamie?

Speaker 10 It's got to be a no, sorry. All right.
Okay. Do you not think? Come on.
Yeah, I think. Belinda.

Speaker 10 Okay. Right, for the very last time, I'm going to do the little intro with a little bit of music.

Speaker 21 So we'll never have you do this again, will we?

Speaker 10 Never. Oh my god.
Okay, are we ready? No, are you?

Speaker 10 I don't think I am.

Speaker 10 Belinda blinked. The fucktastic farewell dinner.

Speaker 21 Oh my god, this is a fuckastic farewell dinner.

Speaker 10 Better not be.

Speaker 10 Absolutely fucktastic. Okay.

Speaker 10 Belinda looked around the ch-

Speaker 10 The church. No.

Speaker 10 No, no, no. The chicken.
The chirascaria. The chirascaria.
The chirascaria. So we have moved location.

Speaker 21 Well, that could be on the banks of the river Danube or wherever it is.

Speaker 10 That is Brazilian, I think. A chicasteria.
No, that's not in doubt. It's just I don't think that's where we were before.
Unless we were and we never told.

Speaker 21 So what's a chicasteria? Is that the full name of Chikara Montague?

Speaker 10 I actually do know this because I've been to Brazil to visit my parents and it's like a restaurant where they serve meat and they kind of like carve the meat off of a skewer.

Speaker 10 And you can kind of have as much as you want as well.

Speaker 10 Because I've been to ones where there's like a traffic light system where when you turn your light onto green or your card onto green, they just keep bringing the meat, baby, and then you turn it over to red.

Speaker 10 It's like, no more meat, baby. Really? That's amazing.
Yeah.

Speaker 21 Well, it's just a conveyor belt of meat until you scream stop.

Speaker 10 It's slightly less fast foodie than you're making it sound, though. It's like deliciously like barbecued meat, but yes, essentially.

Speaker 21 I'm picturing it like, you know, conveyor belt sushi. Yeah, no, it's not.

Speaker 10 And it just drops into your mouth. And we're like, I'm hot, and I'm on.
Conveyor belt sushi doesn't drop into your mouth. No, I'm picturing it like.

Speaker 21 Oh, wait a sec. Is that not how you take it off the conveyor belt? Right, okay.
I've been laying my jaw down.

Speaker 10 Oh, James Cooper.

Speaker 10 Each place setting had sturdy cardboard coasters with sim

Speaker 10 and now

Speaker 10 on each side. Oh, there you go.
See? Yes and no. This was to determine how much meat would be sliced onto the guest's plate by the waiting staff.
Someone's been to Chihascaria before.

Speaker 10 All you can-eat meat had Belinda written all over it, after all.

Speaker 21 Well, that's true. That is quite appropriate.
So they'll come and carve the meat table-side, and then you'll go flip, and then I'll stop.

Speaker 21 That's a lot of meat, isn't it?

Speaker 10 I never have mine on red, mine's always on green. It's just like, do not reduce.
You throw away that other one. Exactly.

Speaker 10 Peter's knee was beginning to hurt, so he spoke once again.

Speaker 21 Is he still down on one knee? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Belinda, he said, are you alive? I wish to marry you.

Speaker 10 Belinda was brought back to the present.

Speaker 21 Just because it's the last one, don't think you can get away with that accent. What's going on? That's my Dutch.
Dutch, come on, rein it in. Think back to him back in the maze.

Speaker 21 He didn't sound bonkers like that, did he?

Speaker 10 That was avoided accents, you see. There you go.

Speaker 10 She flipped the cardboard coaster between her long fingernails.

Speaker 10 That's how she's going to say yes or no. So if she says yes, then she'll just be a big pile of meat's going to fall on her.

Speaker 10 She flipped the cardboard coaster between her long fingernails like the wicked witch of whoopy.

Speaker 10 Not a thing, never will be.

Speaker 10 Meeting his longing eyes, she held up her coaster.

Speaker 10 Peter's heart sank like a lira in the Trevi fountain. She said, yeah.
His wish.

Speaker 10 He was only joking. His wish had not come true.
Oh, Pete, mate.

Speaker 10 This was because Belinda was never to be a missus. Yes.
She had no desire to marry. Yes.
There was even a... All right, dear.
There was even a well-known idiomic... I don't think you can say idiomic.

Speaker 10 Idiomatic? It just says idiomic. Idiom? Sure.
A well-known idiomic saying

Speaker 10 about it.

Speaker 10 No sex after marriage. Oh, so this is a completely topsy-turvy world, then.

Speaker 21 I think that's a joke, though, isn't it? That saying, you know, when you get married.

Speaker 10 Oh, I thought it was literally a rule of the Belinda Blink universe.

Speaker 21 No, I think it's sort of like that's the nail in the coffin, is that what it's alluding to?

Speaker 10 It's known that, you know, married couples don't have as much sex, or that's at least the stereotype, you know. But if you get married on your second date, then maybe

Speaker 21 you would hope it doesn't just completely nosedive.

Speaker 10 So, no sex after marriage. that was not her no way jose or peter or whoever very good peter darling belinda tactfully talked although this is undoubtedly

Speaker 10 sorry although this is undoubtlessly

Speaker 10 obviously you tried to say it right and he's written it wrong although this is undoubtlessly not the answer you want i have often thought about you and indeed have lusted if not loved you No, you haven't.

Speaker 10 But I'm flattered. Why not? Let's have a dip in the haysack as a consolation shag.
A dip in the haysack.

Speaker 21 Sounds painful. A dip in the haysack.

Speaker 10 It's going to be scratchy, isn't it? Yeah.

Speaker 10 Peter Rouse, though disappointed, took off his wife fronts and stood.

Speaker 21 And everyone's just got piles of meat in front of me.

Speaker 10 Everyone's got piles of meat in front of me.

Speaker 10 So Peter Rouse, though disappointed, took off his wife fronts and stood before Belinda. They were both now naked and as such, turned on to the max.

Speaker 21 Those two things do sometimes follow.

Speaker 10 Without further ado, he looked at his one true love. His cock grew at the speed of the 1980s economy.

Speaker 21 You're getting turned on and you're learning.

Speaker 10 Ready to boom and bust. Oh, I just kind of imagine it, though, a really like pointy angle, like

Speaker 10 exponential growth. Just like katoing.

Speaker 21 It's very unusual. What do you want? You want a bell curve?

Speaker 10 Well, like, just straight out in front, or like.

Speaker 21 Can I just say this is vintage rocky? This is combining the sex with the business.

Speaker 10 Business, absolutely.

Speaker 10 So his cock grew at the speed of the 1980s economy, ready to boom and bust. In response, Belinda's pussy began crying tears of joy.

Speaker 10 She needs a tissue, Belinda. Peter Rouse moved slowly towards her.
With the gentlest of touches, he caressed her soft body in the shape of ancient ruins.

Speaker 10 Do you remember in the maze, he was like drawing runes on her back?

Speaker 21 Oh, whether he said ruins, I was like a bit harsh.

Speaker 10 Each tender brush elicited sexual pleasure deep within her. Belinda's whole body tingled, goose pimples flooding her skin like a non-contagious type of chicken pox.
Wow.

Speaker 21 Okay. Or like goosebumps, because I think everybody knows what they are.

Speaker 10 You got them last week.

Speaker 21 I really did.

Speaker 21 The hair's on end. Oh.

Speaker 10 I never had chicken pox.

Speaker 21 I think so you never had goosebumps.

Speaker 10 I was like, James, you are dangerous.

Speaker 21 You've never had chicken pox.

Speaker 10 I've never had chicken pox. Very dangerous for an adult.

Speaker 10 Yeah, no, I know. It's dangerous for an adult.
Yeah, apparently. Shingles, isn't it, when you're an adult? I don't know.
You're listening to my dad.

Speaker 21 I thought it was dangerous for babies.

Speaker 10 Also, dangerous for babies. Should we do a new podcast after this about like your health questions answered?

Speaker 10 Just do the opposite of what we say. Yeah, our USP is that we never Google anything.
We just say old wives' tales off the top of our head.

Speaker 10 Let's embrace podcasting before Ofcom comes and shuts it all down.

Speaker 21 Well, people say it's dangerous to Google diagnose. Yeah.
So actually, we're avoiding that.

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 So Belinda's whole body tingled, goose pimples flooding her skin like a non-contagious type of chicken pox.

Speaker 10 Peter whispered long lost languages in her ear.

Speaker 10 He loves all that, doesn't he? He loves all that ancient Greek.

Speaker 10 Latin.

Speaker 10 Not lost.

Speaker 10 Yeah, sorry. Well, for this book in Atlantis.
Well documented.

Speaker 10 Fuck a much.

Speaker 10 Peter whispered long lost languages in her ear, trying to change her answer. But instead...
Oh, he's putting like a spell on her.

Speaker 10 But instead, created so much carnal tension that her labia began emitting clouds of condensation, whistling like a kettle. Did you say whistling? Whistling.
Her vagina was whistling. Whistling.

Speaker 21 And this is where it must end.

Speaker 10 Nothing ever whistled down there.

Speaker 10 Whistle down the min. I mean, if you

Speaker 10 if you do place an ocarina by your vagina.

Speaker 21 Oh my god, very good, very good. Till the bitter end, he's very good, isn't he?

Speaker 10 Peter lay her down and entered her intensely.

Speaker 10 He moved in, then out,

Speaker 10 then in again. Sure.
Shake it all about. Like a husband who argued with his wife a lot.
What? Moving in and out. He moved out,

Speaker 10 then out, then in again. Like a husband who argued with his wife a lot.

Speaker 10 Drastic.

Speaker 21 Also really taking me out on the moon. Also, not like a husband, because she said no.

Speaker 10 So we've had chicken pox? Yeah. Divorce, essentially.
What else is what other analogies have we had so far?

Speaker 21 Um, just steamy, wet

Speaker 10 custard or whatever.

Speaker 10 So he moved in, then out, then in again, like a husband who argued with his wife a lot. It was truly erotic.
Is it?

Speaker 10 Is it?

Speaker 10 Sounds pretty standard to me.

Speaker 10 In, out, out, in, out.

Speaker 21 That's very revealing as well that Rocky thinks when you argue with your partner a lot, you move in and out. Like, quite, quite full on to move out.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I mean, a lot.

Speaker 10 Every time you argue.

Speaker 10 Maybe it's down to the pavilion for the night, you know. She's got a little overnight bag by the door.

Speaker 10 Belinda squeezed all her inside muscles and rode the orgasmic waves like the Poseidon adventure.

Speaker 21 Oh, wow, this is epic, isn't it?

Speaker 10 It is. What was the Poseidon adventure? It's a movie in like the 70s.
That wasn't the one where the boat turned in. Was it a disaster? I think so.
It was a disaster movie. Orgasmic waves, wasn't it?

Speaker 21 Like about a tsunami, I think. Oh, was it a storm?

Speaker 10 Yeah. And it tipped the boat on its head.
Oh, sure. Because the waves were so strong.
Right. Amazing.
So they were like walking on the ceiling.

Speaker 10 Who were.

Speaker 10 That's very cool.

Speaker 21 I think you recorded the first half of one film and the second half of another. And they laughed and they had to stop laughing and then they came down.

Speaker 10 So she squeezed all her inside muscles and rowed the orgasmic waves like the Poseidon adventure. Pulling out, Belinda began to deep throat Peter Jr.

Speaker 10 The thick... Peter Jr.

Speaker 10 Don't call it Peter Jr.

Speaker 10 Peter Jr.

Speaker 10 I've never given my penis a name. No.
Have you? No. I don't seriously think anyone does give their penis a name, do they? No, they do.

Speaker 10 In fact, one of our dear footnotes guests has named his penis something. Who? Michael Sheen.
Named his penis. He has called his penis the great Christine Boransky.

Speaker 10 That's good. Oh, I might do that just for shits and giggles.

Speaker 21 Yeah. But do you give it another name, like a friend? Or do you give it a name that's a sort of character like The Rock? Like, I don't mean The Rock, but like

Speaker 10 the beast. Well, I think name it after one of your favourite legendary actresses.
A dame, some would say.

Speaker 21 But does he name it that?

Speaker 10 Mine's Dame Judy Danch.

Speaker 10 But do you,

Speaker 21 who do you tell that to? Because I think we've...

Speaker 10 Millions of people married.

Speaker 21 What I mean is, we've discussed before that nicknames are to be given, not to be created yourself.

Speaker 10 In the throes of passion, I don't think you'd be like... Meet Christine Bronson.
Alice, meet the great Christine Boronski.

Speaker 10 Do you...

Speaker 10 Vagina name? Poop names? Poop names, no.

Speaker 21 I did actually wear a very low-cut top once, and somebody said, oh, the Levins are out. And I was like, don't call them the Levins, because that's my parents.

Speaker 21 So that was unnerving.

Speaker 10 Oh, God. So, um,

Speaker 10 gross. Yeah, hideous.

Speaker 21 And then all I could think about was, yeah.

Speaker 21 They're always close to my heart.

Speaker 10 But Linda, we had to deep throat Peter Jr., the thick appendage plugging a gob.

Speaker 10 She licked and sucked his cock as she dug out her pussy. What? What?

Speaker 10 Dug out.

Speaker 21 She said she's why is she digging out a pussy oh she's masturbating while she gives a blowjob right thank you dug it out though i mean you shouldn't have to dig it out there should be no excavation involved yeah

Speaker 10 but then everything that he writes is so it's always major construction isn't there it's always she sounds like she's fracking that's his building background you see what his business with his economy building with a digging out a pussy i can imagine placards fucking not fracking yeah exactly he was truly the tiger voods of bonking.

Speaker 10 Right, stop. Who? The tiger voods.
You know, he's obsessed with like not naming people because of legal reasons, blah, blah. I guess he means the tiger woods.

Speaker 21 So is it two capital Vs?

Speaker 10 No, that would have been even better.

Speaker 10 No, it's just a V.

Speaker 10 Tiger Voods. Tiger Woods.
He was truly the Tiger Voods of bonking, having the stamina of a big cat who always got a hole in one.

Speaker 21 We don't even say the Tiger Woods of bonking, do you? You just say the Tiger Woods.

Speaker 10 He was the Tiger Woods. Well, because Tiger Woods was known for bonking too right that's true but he's not called tiger woods because he's got the stamina of a big cat

Speaker 21 i don't understand any of this

Speaker 10 let's break it down okay so he he was truly the the tiger woods of bonking of bonking having the stamina of a big cat that's the tiger i guess yeah and always got a hole in one golf reference i guess it's the tiger that i'm struggling with because is tiger woods his real name i think so yeah

Speaker 10 so he's not named because he has the stamina of no but i think dad's just using that as a reference as to why someone else would be called tiger oh no his real name is eldric tonte okay

Speaker 10 doesn't quite have the same uh you can see why he changed it he's the eldric tonte of shackling

Speaker 10 oh i love that we found that out i thought tiger woods' real name was tiger yeah i did um but we can see i mean you know when people change their names and you're like oh don't get a hollywood name yeah eldric Tonk.

Speaker 21 I don't hold that against him, do you?

Speaker 10 He still has Woods. Woods is his real surname.

Speaker 21 Actually, that's what I'm going to call my boobs.

Speaker 10 Eldrick Tompk.

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Speaker 10 The other members of the gathering wasted no time in following their lead. As special trade envoys, Alphonse Stirbacher and Jim Sterling

Speaker 10 were giddy as little goats skipping across a bridge.

Speaker 10 Alphonse.

Speaker 10 He has lost the plot.

Speaker 10 Alphonse enjoyed navigating Giselle's human form, Becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest

Speaker 21 abrasive.

Speaker 10 Also, does give a bit.

Speaker 10 Yeah, kind of chalky.

Speaker 10 Becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest brush of flesh to flesh.

Speaker 21 You're right, though, you could have chosen harder stones.

Speaker 21 Granite.

Speaker 10 Yeah. Cement.
Cement. Cement.

Speaker 21 But it's nice that you took part.

Speaker 10 Catching.

Speaker 21 Pebble.

Speaker 10 Breezeblock.

Speaker 10 Okay, rude and rude. We're all supposed to be being nice to each other today.

Speaker 21 Breezeblock was harsh.

Speaker 10 Why don't you take Eldrick and Tom and be on your way?

Speaker 10 So Alphonse enjoyed navigating Giselle's human form, becoming hard as a pumice stone with the slightest brush of flesh to flesh.

Speaker 10 With perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils, she was a bonny lassie.

Speaker 21 Did you mean to say perk?

Speaker 10 Perk. Is that not?

Speaker 10 Perky? He means pert. He's put perk.

Speaker 10 With perk.

Speaker 10 There's too many here.

Speaker 10 With perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils. She sounds like, do you remember the green M ⁇ M? The sexy.
It was

Speaker 10 legs and an M ⁇ M.

Speaker 21 And didn't they say it was too sexy?

Speaker 10 Yeah, too sexy.

Speaker 21 She gets canceled for being too sexy.

Speaker 10 I think they just toned down her sexiness. I think it was like a bit misogynistic.
Oh, right.

Speaker 21 Oh, yeah, they put her in trainers, didn't they?

Speaker 10 I think they flattened her heels, yeah. Like, it is interesting with, like, you know, cartoon characters that are sexy.
I know that we haven't touched on it before.

Speaker 10 And you know that Miriam Margulies was the voice of the sexy Cadbury bunny. No.
Not only

Speaker 10 Belinda's Clit, famously, but also that, yeah, that bunny that was like sexy. Miriam Margulies did the voice of the sexy bunny.
Yeah, apparently she used to do loads of like sex stuff.

Speaker 21 That Cabrie's bunny was absolutely banging.

Speaker 10 Was it your sexual awakening?

Speaker 21 No, but I do remember thinking, God, she's got it going on. It was also just a bit weird because it was so unnecessary.
Like, I can see why, like, is she called Jessica Rabbit?

Speaker 10 Yeah, the really hot one.

Speaker 21 Yeah, like, that's part of the character.

Speaker 21 Do you need a sexy cartoon bunny to sell?

Speaker 10 Why do we have rabbits? Why do you always rabbits? Rampant rabbits, you know, they are known to be sexual creatures.

Speaker 21 There are some animators that have really unresolved issues around their family pets.

Speaker 10 She was also a voice of the chimps in the PG Tips adverts. Why do you know so much about Miriam Margulies? I read a book.
Did you? I did. He's looking for voice work after this.

Speaker 10 He's like, What could I play?

Speaker 21 One of our big regrets is not getting Miriam Margulies on the show. And do you know what?

Speaker 10 From reading her book, I was like, My God, she would have been the perfect guest. If only she listened.
I mean, you know, we don't get people on who don't listen, but she'd be great.

Speaker 10 Jamie, I'm sure you're thinking about your career beyond this. Yes.
I think you could do character voice work. I'm waiting for Pixar to call me.
Pixar, Dreamwork's more like. Oh, wow.

Speaker 10 Are they the ones that are known for like doing great films? But basically the same film as Pixar, but just a slightly shitter version.

Speaker 21 Bugs Life.

Speaker 10 Ants. Sure.
Ants.

Speaker 10 And then like... Or aunts, as Jamie calls it.
Aunts. And then...

Speaker 10 Callback. And then

Speaker 10 when Finding Nemo came out, they had Shark Tale, didn't they? Oh, I saw that one. Yeah, exactly.
Even Scorsese couldn't save that that one.

Speaker 10 Scorsese's in shark tail. Yeah, it's like a voice in shark tail.
Yeah. God, I'm learning some stuff today.

Speaker 10 Okay, that really was a tangent, guys. Even for us.
Okay.

Speaker 10 So just to repeat this: with perk, fruitful titties and legs up to her nostrils, she was a bonny lassie, and Alphonse knew the recipe to make her furry feline fizz.

Speaker 10 What does that noise mean?

Speaker 10 You're all right. Just means I don't really know what to say anymore.

Speaker 10 Why are you salivating? Well, like fizzy vagina, drippy vagina. Well, Fizz, just like, you know, excited, I reckon.

Speaker 21 And her furry feline.

Speaker 10 Feline pussy. Furry pubic hair.

Speaker 10 We can always track it back to some sort of logic if we go far enough. Bella grabbed Jim Sterling.
Her plan for the evening was picking off the weakest before working up.

Speaker 10 That sounds so sinister.

Speaker 10 That's the spirit. Her plan for the evening was picking off the weakest before working up to the most virile last.

Speaker 21 Oh, right, so she's sort of warming up.

Speaker 10 Right, which kind of makes sense, I suppose. Yeah, definitely.
Sure. As he slipped inside her, he began to shake with passion.

Speaker 10 Not after long, Bella's delicious bouncing jugs nearly took her eye out as she writhed and gooed up and down the Texan multi-millionaire. Took her own eye out.

Speaker 21 I can guarantee that has never happened. That somebody has never been hit in the eye by their own boob and taken it out.

Speaker 10 They'd have to be pretty droopy, wouldn't they?

Speaker 21 I think you'd also have to have some kind of piercing on the nipple for it to take out

Speaker 21 the eye.

Speaker 10 Don't they need more like

Speaker 10 length? Yeah, length on them than elasticity. Because if they're too big, they probably stay quite in place.

Speaker 21 I mean, one of the fundamental issues is the physics of them being very, very soft breasts.

Speaker 10 Yeah, well, exactly. James thinks that the bigger they are, like what, the harder they are and they don't move at all.
That's kind of the opposite, to be honest. Oh, right, okay.

Speaker 10 Unless they're obviously enhanced.

Speaker 21 Well, yeah, if they're fake, they'll be very, very fake.

Speaker 10 Right, maybe that's what I'm thinking about. I think that is what you're thinking about, yeah.
His only reference of boobs is Pamela Anderson. Oh, well, and Euro Trash.

Speaker 10 Do you remember the woman on that who had massive boobs?

Speaker 10 Did you think they were real? Yeah, that was a show in the 90s that you'd watch if you were a kid to get any access to nudity.

Speaker 21 Dare I say not completely representative of the female form of those two source materials.

Speaker 10 Or Europe, I'd say. Well,

Speaker 10 also, interesting, voiceover, Maria McCurlin. The voice of Eurotrage.
Maria McCurlin. Maria McCurlin.

Speaker 21 Who's Maria McCurlin? And why am I hearing so much about her?

Speaker 10 I love Maria McCurlin. She does Graham Norton's radio show with him.
Maria McCurlan. What's happened to him today? I think he's trying to get another job.

Speaker 21 I don't think Maria McCurlin wants getting dragged into this.

Speaker 10 Thank you very much. Do you feel like he's got a little like notepad of like everything he hasn't ever he's never mentioned that he just wants to like crowbar in so incongruous isn't it

Speaker 21 he's like do you know how much krill there is in the ocean i'm like what you mentioned euro trash like do you want to know the chemical formula for it's like no get on with it read the book

Speaker 10 oh now i can read the book can i what's on your computer screen where are you reading from i'm reading from a but where are your facts coming from a brain his brain he's learnt them on the way here hasn't he what you think that because i was imagining everything that james could possibly say to have a fact associated with him.

Speaker 10 You're defensive, Jamie. For something written on his hand.

Speaker 10 God,

Speaker 10 cheat, cheat, cheap. Do you know what? I wish him all the best.
I hope he does get a job.

Speaker 21 Did you want dictionary corner? Susie's already got it, but she might retire.

Speaker 10 Jamie, info at treeworks.com.

Speaker 10 Email them

Speaker 10 and they'll sort you up.

Speaker 10 Maria McCurland. Right.

Speaker 10 Poor woman. Poor woman getting dragged into this sordid affair so late in the day.
She'll get tweets.

Speaker 21 She thought she'd swerved it in the last episode.

Speaker 10 Oh god, how are you spelling that?

Speaker 21 She's actually great. I love her.
Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Mimi.

Speaker 10 I'm currently

Speaker 10 anyway. What was the fact? She's the voice of what? Euro trash.
You're the voice of.

Speaker 10 Okay, that is a good fact.

Speaker 10 Literally dragging him through the mud and and then be like, that's quite good.

Speaker 10 Oh my god.

Speaker 21 Honestly, we're like, you're a piece of shit. Why do you keep going out with that? And then James's like, I'm actually going to mention that down the podcast.

Speaker 10 Gee, Bella, you've got an amazing fuck grip. Jim scoffed.

Speaker 10 That went down the wrong hole.

Speaker 10 What's the fuck grip? We just... Fuck grip.
Like, I think it's what the patriarchy calls the pelvic floor.

Speaker 21 Is that what you're hearing that a lot in locker rooms?

Speaker 10 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 10 Jim scoffed in between heavy catches of breath. Oh.

Speaker 10 Gee, Bella, you've got an amazing fuck grip.

Speaker 21 She really are starting with the weakest.

Speaker 10 Thanks, Bobo.

Speaker 10 Hey!

Speaker 10 Hang on, though, because this might be the last time we hear Bella. Oh, my God, but it will be.

Speaker 21 Thanks, Bobo.

Speaker 10 Bella boomed.

Speaker 21 It's my pay lattes.

Speaker 10 He's spelt that very.

Speaker 10 That's her last line.

Speaker 10 It's my palatase. P-E-L-A-R-T-A-Y-S.

Speaker 21 I stopped listening, honestly. Like the first two letters.

Speaker 10 Palatas. As the seconds melted into a minute, and through the erratic panting, Bella could just decipher

Speaker 10 I'm close.

Speaker 10 So is James.

Speaker 10 Good.

Speaker 21 Pull out and paint my face.

Speaker 10 Oh, this is so rough. Paint my face.

Speaker 21 It's paints all over it.

Speaker 10 It's gonna be a Picasso if ever I've seen one. Jim obliged and slopped his newish, big, thick member out of Bella's slushy pussy.

Speaker 10 Grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck and

Speaker 10 That's a fantastic description. Choke the chicken.

Speaker 10 Its neck is disgusting.

Speaker 24 Oh my god.

Speaker 21 Wring its neck.

Speaker 10 Grabbing it in his hand. Imagine somebody saying to you, ring its neck.

Speaker 10 Ring the great Christy Voransky's neck.

Speaker 10 And somebody go, what? And they go, no, no, no, no.

Speaker 10 This Christina asked me.

Speaker 10 Grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck.

Speaker 21 Why does it sound like it's the only kind thing to do? You know, when you're like, I have to wring its neck.

Speaker 10 Oh, grabbing it in his hand, he wrung its neck

Speaker 10 until thick blue gloops of DNA splattered everywhere.

Speaker 21 Ring its neck is fantastic.

Speaker 10 It's vile. Fantastic.
What a beautiful way to end.

Speaker 21 Ring its neck.

Speaker 10 The engine can't go over it.

Speaker 21 I just can't stop saying it over and over in my head.

Speaker 10 It now makes me think of the top of the penis having a little mouth on it. Oh, God.

Speaker 10 Like the shaft's the neck. Yeah.

Speaker 21 And also a bit like, you know, when you give someone a friction burn on their wrist and so your hands are going in different directions.

Speaker 21 So you're sort of grabbing at it as if it was someone's arm and then,

Speaker 10 it really is quite final, which is fitting, I suppose, for this episode.

Speaker 10 All of a sudden, the door of the Brazilian feasting room burst open. It's got walls now.
And the door. And it's now a Brazilian feasting room.

Speaker 10 The main manager man zoomed in as red as the inside of Giselle's Giselle's pussy lids.

Speaker 21 Zoomed in, is he on some kind of scooter or something?

Speaker 10 I imagine him on like a segue.

Speaker 21 Yeah, that's exactly how I picture him.

Speaker 10 I don't think that's what he was going for here, though. I'm not going to even attempt a Brazilian accent because I got into so much shit for it, you know, with Marco Arriguez.
So

Speaker 10 oh, yeah, Marco.

Speaker 21 Well, how did you do Marco? Just do Marco?

Speaker 10 No, I did a lisp, which is wrong.

Speaker 21 Well, don't do that then. Do it right.

Speaker 25 How dare you? This is a respectable establishment.

Speaker 10 The Italian owner said.

Speaker 21 He lived in Rome his whole life.

Speaker 10 He yelled the baldish main manager man.

Speaker 25 Get out!

Speaker 10 You are bad, a lot of you.

Speaker 21 He spent a little bit of time in Spain because his mother's vanished.

Speaker 10 So finally, someone who comes from the real world is like, you can't just fuck in my restaurant. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is this the first time they've ever been stopped? I think so.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's just like, this is random, ridiculous behavior. You shouldn't be doing this here.

Speaker 21 Because we just assumed in the world of Belinda Blink, like this was

Speaker 21 acceptable, yeah.

Speaker 10 But not in the banks of Rio de Janeiro, clearly.

Speaker 10 Um, so you're barred, they're barred. Well, they're never going back, are they? They won't give you that for that, are they? What a punishment, yeah.
Deviled.

Speaker 10 Have you ever been barred from a pub?

Speaker 10 I don't think so. Alice? I've never been to a pub.

Speaker 10 Pub? Question mark?

Speaker 21 I'm sorry, have you been barred from pubs, Jane?

Speaker 10 I have been barred from

Speaker 10 well, it's easier to list what he's allowed.

Speaker 10 I have been barred from one pub, and this was, oh God, about 10 years ago. It actually made national news.

Speaker 10 I knew it was going to be something else that we haven't mentioned before.

Speaker 10 Why have we never talked about this?

Speaker 10 I was in the pub. It was a pub in Soho in London.
And next to our table, there was a gay couple on a date. Not me.
For once. I didn't know them.

Speaker 10 And they started making out because it wasn't even like a makeout really. They just kissed each other and they got thrown out of the pub

Speaker 10 and then I

Speaker 21 remember this I remember this it was like front page of the Guardian stuff it was the

Speaker 10 yes exactly and I've never been I was barred famously but I would never go back anyway I wouldn't go back because I saw it in the news yeah so that so that I then started protesting in the pubs be like you can't throw someone up for that he's an ally I am who knew and then

Speaker 10 you would have known um and then me and my friend Lucy we got barred as well we got thrown out and then barred. We were like, you can never come back.

Speaker 10 And then, yeah, it was in the press and all sorts.

Speaker 21 Oh, my God, of course. His barring has to make national media.

Speaker 10 It's fucking front page. Ridiculous.
Was there a picture of you as well, or like a quote from you? I think there was a quote from me somewhere and Lucy as well.

Speaker 10 But I always wonder what happened to that couple because they were really nice. But I mean, it was the first date, so they're probably not still together.

Speaker 10 Jamie, on behalf of the gay community, thank you for your... tireless efforts to make safer spaces in London.
Look, it was outrageous and justice had to be served.

Speaker 10 And I think it was actually, I think there was a change of management at that pub.

Speaker 21 So, can we go back here?

Speaker 10 I think you can. I still can't, but go nuts.

Speaker 21 Do you think your face is behind the bar?

Speaker 10 How do they ever remember? This is like a fan about barring people. Because he was on the cover of The Guardian.
He made sure his face was beginning. I wasn't on the cover of The Guardian.

Speaker 10 But the couple had a photo shoot on the

Speaker 10 page, yeah. JB provided headshots, but they never made the spread.

Speaker 10 So they've been barred.

Speaker 10 Right.

Speaker 10 So the chief executives all giggled and laughed and tittered as they were escorted out, smeared with sex sweat and a reckless nature.

Speaker 10 However, unfortunately for them, as this mob of naked bodies flooded the street,

Speaker 10 a passing police car summoned its sirens. Uh-oh.

Speaker 10 In the clink.

Speaker 10 Maus para si ma voice este de titos. I'm sure that was perfect.

Speaker 10 Should I google that? Sure.

Speaker 10 Portuguese, obviously. Which is a hard accent.
Uh

Speaker 10 maus paraquima voce esta de tido. Hands up, you are detained.
Okay.

Speaker 10 Oh.

Speaker 10 Busted. Um, so, James, you've said that so beautifully.
Just say it again.

Speaker 10 Maus paraquima voce esta detido. The police people screamed as they began handcuffing everyone they could see.
Oh god, they'll love that.

Speaker 10 Belinda was no novice when it came to evading capture.

Speaker 10 This is true.

Speaker 21 Or evading work.

Speaker 10 Quite. And with a thankful kiss to spoons above them all, she grabbed Giselle and Bella.

Speaker 21 Oh, so that's like to the heavens, is that?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 Manoeuvring the beautifully patterned sidewalk stones.

Speaker 10 That is famous, isn't it? In Rio? The beautiful pavements. Okay.

Speaker 21 There he goes again. Manoeuvring.

Speaker 10 This is for his travel show.

Speaker 21 All right, Palin, put it away.

Speaker 10 Manoeuvring the beautifully patterned sidewalk stones, the glee team became lost in deepest, darkest Rio. Fully nude.
Fully nude.

Speaker 21 Nude to the eyeballs, is what you would say.

Speaker 10 Belinda knew only one hiding place.

Speaker 10 As they trudged through the sand, Mother Nature's whispers. I thought they were on the side streets.

Speaker 10 Well, as they trudged through the sand. Don't you put that little finger over me?

Speaker 21 Don't you well and then finger me.

Speaker 10 We just had a whole sentence about the pavements and we've gone straight to the sand. Well, if you know Brazil.
I don't. Okay.
Well, as they trudged through. We might learn something.

Speaker 10 As they trudged through the sand.

Speaker 10 Horrid little finger.

Speaker 10 As they trudged through the sand, Mother Nature's whispers caressed their naked bodies on the Ipanema beach. Wind.
It's like reading a cryptic crossword.

Speaker 10 Mother Nature's whispers, four letters.

Speaker 21 Also, you have to accept, and I know that we're eight years deep, so everybody knows this, but you have to accept that time passes in a strange way, distances pass in a strange way, you're on the cobbles, you're on the sand.

Speaker 10 No, no, no, but that is famous in Rio, is that those sidewalks are next to the beach.

Speaker 10 I'm just saying, Al. I'm just saying.

Speaker 10 I don't know, it's starting to feel like the later Game of Thrones seasons, you know, when the crows traveled really quickly, they're like, send me the crow, and you'd get there in like an hour.

Speaker 9 To sign up for a three-month free trial, check Lyft.

Speaker 13 It was the new game day, Scratchers, from the California Lottery.

Speaker 3 Please play responsibly.

Speaker 19 Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Speaker 10 Planting themselves down, Giselle mused something.

Speaker 10 If only we had smuggled a box of cachaça out of there.

Speaker 10 Well,

Speaker 21 where's she pulling it from?

Speaker 10 Come on, don't.

Speaker 21 Unless she's wearing a backpack, let's skip over this bit.

Speaker 10 What is cachaça?

Speaker 21 It's the sugar. Is it sugar spirit?

Speaker 10 Yeah. Oh, I thought it was like a box of nuts.
That you make.

Speaker 10 Then I was like, where's she putting that? No, it's what you make a caipurinia from, isn't it? Oh, okay, right.

Speaker 24 Well, turns out I've always been good at hide the buckle.

Speaker 10 Oh, no. Bocle.

Speaker 10 Is it written buckle? Buckle. It's written buckle.

Speaker 21 I know where this is going, and I don't like it.

Speaker 10 Do you? Where on earth is it going? I mean, two cents ago, they were being arrested, so I can't keep up.

Speaker 10 I've always been good at hide the buckle, Bella barked, removing a practically full gird of Brazilian elixir. From where? Doesn't specify.
You'd imagine it.

Speaker 10 Well it's coming from, yeah, it's coming from an older.

Speaker 21 Well exactly, so I knew where this is going.

Speaker 10 Gosh,

Speaker 10 how we do love you, Bella. Words or tongues can never communicate it.
Giselle laughed. While they were stocking the bar, Belinda had been scavenging the sand for some old driftwood.
Stocking the bar?

Speaker 10 Are they setting up a beach bar?

Speaker 10 And where have they got where more than one bottle? Well, I think they have just got one bottle of cachafa.

Speaker 10 Grabbing the perfect twiggies, she got on her hands and knees, her perfect ass as plump and whole as the full moon above. Whole?

Speaker 21 Why would it be anything other than whole?

Speaker 10 She began rubbing the hard bits of wood together as vigorously as a teenage boy discovering self-pleasure for the first time.

Speaker 21 Wringing its neck.

Speaker 10 Not before too long, there was a fire.

Speaker 10 Wow.

Speaker 10 Who knew they were such survival experts?

Speaker 10 Bear grills. Are you guys imagining it at night or in the day? No,

Speaker 10 a nighttime meal. Not before too long, there was a fire.

Speaker 10 Lighting multiple pieces of rubbish, Belinda looked at her comrades. They're burning rubbish.

Speaker 21 I thought she was finding loads of driftwood.

Speaker 10 I don't say this lightly, she spoke, but I love you girls.

Speaker 10 I don't know who I'd be without your friendship, guidance and laughter in my life.

Speaker 10 It's been an adventure. Oh, bloody hell.
And there have been hard parts, of course. Yeah, when one of them was on the run for being a murderer.

Speaker 10 Like weeks ago.

Speaker 21 Homicidal maniac, if I recall.

Speaker 10 Tried to kill them.

Speaker 10 Tried to kill them many, many times. There's been hard parts.

Speaker 21 There's been highs.

Speaker 10 There's been lows.

Speaker 21 You would say they were arch nemeses, wouldn't you? At one point, yeah.

Speaker 10 But all was forgiven. And, you know, friendships are complicated, you know.

Speaker 10 So there have been hard parts, of course.

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 there have been many hard parts, Belinda.

Speaker 10 Laughed Giselle.

Speaker 10 Love that bit.

Speaker 10 It's a good one. It's a good one.

Speaker 10 Well, you can't laugh. You were the hard part.

Speaker 10 a fucking nightmare. Erections.
Oh, erections. Yeah.
Still not that funny.

Speaker 21 Oh, I mean, I would say less funny.

Speaker 10 I think it's funnier to be like, oh, whoopsie, that was me.

Speaker 21 I think you made it funnier than it was intended, and I don't think that that can go without comment.

Speaker 10 Oh, there have been many hard parts, but

Speaker 26 remember Adam and his bushmill stained hose. Never mind his red London bus carc.

Speaker 21 Can you say it quieter and clearer?

Speaker 10 Sorry.

Speaker 10 So loud. Bella, you're on the run from the police.
Shut the fuck up.

Speaker 21 They're round a campfire.

Speaker 21 They're right there.

Speaker 26 Remember Adam and his bushmill stained hose? Never mind his red London bus cock.

Speaker 10 Bella cackled. No.
Bello.

Speaker 10 Of all the memories.

Speaker 21 I can't say I do.

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 I do.

Speaker 10 I really do.

Speaker 10 Belinda. Belinda wheezed and continued.

Speaker 10 Ha ha, ha ha wee.

Speaker 21 There you go.

Speaker 10 It's a classic ha ha, ha ha wee moment.

Speaker 10 God, girlies, this sand will be rock solid with tears and juices if you don't stop me laughing.

Speaker 21 I'm not sure that's how sand works, but that's the least of our worries, isn't it?

Speaker 10 I mean, they've definitely like

Speaker 10 found their tribe, haven't they?

Speaker 21 Oh, God.

Speaker 10 I mean, yeah, we can all agree on that. Like, I don't know if that's a compliment.
If you brought anyone else into this group, you're like, fuck you laughing at? I don't get any of it.

Speaker 10 Oh, God, girl, this sound will be rock solid with tears and juices if you don't stop me laughing.

Speaker 10 But seriously, this new position, it's really frying my Brian. What a shoe.

Speaker 10 I think it's frying your Brian. It's frying my Brian.

Speaker 10 I think it just fried your Brian real good. Oh, God.
Frying my Brian. It's really frying.
It's really frying my Brian. I think that's Brian.

Speaker 10 It's really frying my brain.

Speaker 10 I have to ask a question.

Speaker 10 What's my favourite type of egg?

Speaker 10 What's this?

Speaker 10 Do you know what this is?

Speaker 10 I've got no fucking idea.

Speaker 10 You laughed like you knew. I laughed because it was absurd.
Did you think she was going to ask that question?

Speaker 21 I just thought it was so ridiculous. It must be a thing.

Speaker 10 I did that all the way through.

Speaker 21 I'm like, oh, this must be a thing. No, it's just Rocky's like slow dissolution into complete madness.

Speaker 10 Oh, God, are they all going to shout at the same time? Like, poached! I'm like, oh, look, we're all the same.

Speaker 10 My favourite egg

Speaker 10 is... Are you asking the group?

Speaker 21 Is what my friend describes as a vicar's egg. Go on.
So it's sort of hard-boiled, but like the yolk is still kind of shiny.

Speaker 21 So, you could peel, you could have it in your pocket as a vicar, and you could peel it, and you could eat it sort of like an older one.

Speaker 10 Oh, that's cute, but it's got like a bit of a bit of give to the yolk, a bit of give.

Speaker 10 I once ordered a full English on this is fertile ground, isn't it? Why is it that every finale James has some sort of food-related tale?

Speaker 10 Disappointing sandwiches one year, what was it? Yeah, yeah, the mozzarella. The mozzarella, yeah.
Go on, yeah. I once ordered a full English breakfast on Deliveroo.

Speaker 10 Have you ever seen an egg that's been travelling for 20 minutes in a jar?

Speaker 10 It's a sight to behold.

Speaker 21 Was it repulsive? I didn't eat it.

Speaker 10 What? It was a fried egg, and it had obviously.

Speaker 10 Imagine just like. James, I can't.
I mean, talk about juices and wetness. This egg had seen it all.

Speaker 21 It's not designed for distance, though, is it? An egg, I would say, is an instant food.

Speaker 10 Out of the pan, onto the plate, as has been said.

Speaker 10 Anyway, so I have to ask you a question. What's my favourite type of egg? Giselle.

Speaker 10 Oh, lordy Lou.

Speaker 10 You really must be pissed. Giselle laughed off, but then she contemplated the question with a respectful air.

Speaker 21 Why?

Speaker 10 Favourite type of egg. Hmm.
This better go somewhere. This better go somewhere.

Speaker 21 If this is the finale, people have tuned in for this.

Speaker 10 Favourite type of egg. Hmm.
That's a tricky one.

Speaker 10 Is it frozen to keep your reproduction options open? Oh, okay. She proffered.

Speaker 21 Why's Rocky getting involved with that discussion?

Speaker 10 Nope. But good thinking, Bat Girl.

Speaker 21 Bella? Are we near the end?

Speaker 10 I'm just like, how is he going to wrap this up?

Speaker 10 No. But good thinking, Bat Girl.
Bella?

Speaker 21 Is this like one of those things, like, what's your favorite kind of boat?

Speaker 10 A friendship? Like, is it going to come back around like

Speaker 10 a friend egg? Excellent adventures.

Speaker 10 Exciting orgasms.

Speaker 10 Do you know what?

Speaker 21 We've just rounded this off better than it could possibly happen in the next four sentences.

Speaker 10 Nope. But good thinking, Bat Girl.
Bella?

Speaker 24 If every bizbreck we've ever had told the truth, I'd say poached.

Speaker 10 Bingo.

Speaker 10 Belinda. She's poaching them.
She's poaching them to take them with her for the job.

Speaker 21 She's poaching them. She's going to take them.

Speaker 10 Oh, God.

Speaker 24 Why did she just say that?

Speaker 10 What's my favourite type of egg?

Speaker 10 Bingo.

Speaker 21 Powdered.

Speaker 10 Belinda tintinabulated.

Speaker 21 Is that a word? Let's check.

Speaker 21 I don't want this to go. unremarked upon.

Speaker 10 Is it the last word? Oh my god.

Speaker 21 God, that's a weird looking word. Yeah, isn't it?

Speaker 10 Is it a real word?

Speaker 21 You look how it's written, though. It's written like a rocky word.

Speaker 10 Tintinabulated.

Speaker 21 The first tin, one N. The second tin, two N.
It's bonkers. A ringing or tinkling sound.
Oh. Tintinabulation.

Speaker 10 Bingo.

Speaker 10 Tintinabulated.

Speaker 10 Consider you both.

Speaker 10 What?

Speaker 10 Yeah, I'm with... I'm Bella in this situation.
Oh, and what? Bella and Giselle Last. Clearly too drunk themselves to understand.

Speaker 21 No, I think it is quite coded.

Speaker 10 Yeah, it's super convoluted.

Speaker 10 Well, I can't run bish all on my lonesome, can't I?

Speaker 21 That's what you've been hired to do.

Speaker 10 I need both of you. How would you like to join me over in East Berlin?

Speaker 21 What an offer.

Speaker 10 It may only take one woman to sell a few pans, but

Speaker 10 it's going to take at least three to take over the world.

Speaker 21 Is this supposed to be rousing? Is this supposed to feel as a woman? I'm not inspired.

Speaker 10 Shifting her numbing ass from one bit of sand to another bit of sand. That's distracting.
Giselle raised her glass of cachaça. Oh, they took glasses too.

Speaker 10 Have they forged those?

Speaker 10 With the fire and the sand.

Speaker 21 They really are nifty.

Speaker 10 Giselle raised her glass.

Speaker 10 See Bella blowing glasses on the beach.

Speaker 10 Flute, anyone?

Speaker 10 Giselle raised a glass of cachesa to the heavens.

Speaker 10 Her lips opened, allowing words to flow.

Speaker 10 G

Speaker 10 is for gin.

Speaker 10 Oh,

Speaker 10 tea.

Speaker 10 Bella grinned.

Speaker 10 Bella grinned and held her flute.

Speaker 10 and laughed.

Speaker 10 Titties is platonic!

Speaker 10 Beaming, Belinda raised her own glassware receptacle to join theirs.

Speaker 10 Our six titties are supersonic.

Speaker 10 In unison, the friends, colleagues, and soul sisters chanted.

Speaker 10 Ready, guys? Do you remember it? Should we do it? So I think.

Speaker 10 we don't mind men, we don't like fuss.

Speaker 10 With the complete

Speaker 10 come and get us

Speaker 10 to be fair, that was actually phenomenal.

Speaker 21 Where did we dredge that from?

Speaker 10 When the police arrived:

Speaker 10 the triumvirate of power women downed their caches.

Speaker 10 Bella looked at Belinda.

Speaker 10 Belinda looked at Giselle.

Speaker 10 Giselle looked at Bella.

Speaker 10 Bella looked at Giselle.

Speaker 10 Giselle looked at Belinda.

Speaker 10 Looked at Bella.

Speaker 10 All in a confident silence, decorated with the beautiful drapery of smiles.

Speaker 10 Guys,

Speaker 10 Belinda blinked. Oh,

Speaker 10 of course, she had to. She had had to.
And that is the end of my dad rose.

Speaker 21 Oh, my God. Stop.

Speaker 10 Wow. Wow.

Speaker 10 Oh, my God.

Speaker 21 I actually didn't expect him to say that.

Speaker 10 That's the last piece of rocky writing we'll ever read. Oh, my God.
One can but dream.

Speaker 10 Yeah, never say never.

Speaker 21 If all of the job requests that you've put out in the previous episode don't don't come to fruition, you might be giving us a call.

Speaker 10 Yeah, if it's a no from dream works, I'll be back.

Speaker 10 Wow, so she said no to the drop. Hang on, James, quickly.
I actually brought some champagne just for the end of the, you know,

Speaker 10 for the chapter. Alice, I was hoping you could blow some glasses outside, actually.

Speaker 10 What's hilarious is Alice has to turn her fridge off for record. Yeah.
So she's been chilling the champagne in a fridge that is off.

Speaker 21 Can you do the honours, Jamie?

Speaker 10 Oh my god, I'm like shaking. I'm actually.

Speaker 10 Do you want James to do it? No, no, it's all right. No, he still wants the glory.

Speaker 21 This is always the.

Speaker 21 Oh, I was going to say anticlimactic pop, but actually really good.

Speaker 10 Well, cheers, everyone. Cheers.
Cheers. Cheers.

Speaker 21 This is so special. It is.

Speaker 10 Oh, God.

Speaker 10 Members that are six glasses.

Speaker 10 James looked at Alice. Alice looked at Jamie.
Jamie looked at James.

Speaker 10 Jamie looked at Alice. Yes, exactly.

Speaker 10 So did you want to do a quick recap, James? You were in the middle of doing that. Well, I was just going to say, so as we leave her on her adventures, she remains single.
Yeah. Great.

Speaker 10 She's going to carry on being that independent woman.

Speaker 21 And as we remember from the subtitle of the original book, How the Sexiest Salesgirl in Business Earned Her Huge Bonus by Being the Best at Removing Her High Heels. I mean, she's done that.

Speaker 10 She's done it. Sort of, yeah.
I mean, the high heels thing is a bit random.

Speaker 21 Would you guys agree this was a modern story of sex, erotica, and passion?

Speaker 10 Yeah.

Speaker 10 I think modern's pushing it, but.

Speaker 10 If it's not passionate and erotic, it's definitely not modern. Yeah, so she got her bonus.
She's got this amazing job and she's got her glee team. As a reader, I feel entirely satisfied.

Speaker 10 And of course, you know, we should say that dad will continue writing Belinda Blink. It's not going to end.
It's just, you know, reading these books

Speaker 10 is no longer going to happen.

Speaker 21 We have no control over that.

Speaker 10 Exactly. He will continue until his grave.
And long may Belinda reign.

Speaker 10 I did want to kind of say a few things, if that's all right, just because...

Speaker 21 I did wonder why he was clutching his phone like that.

Speaker 10 Yeah, I thought we'd done everything on your list. Well,

Speaker 10 I was going to read up my CV.

Speaker 10 Okay.

Speaker 10 No,

Speaker 10 I just wanted to kind of say a few things because it is the end of My Dad Rottoporno. Have you prepared a speech? I have a little bit, yeah.
Oh, okay. Oh, my God.
Well, thank God someone did. I know.

Speaker 10 Seriously.

Speaker 10 One of us should take it seriously, guys.

Speaker 10 So it goes without saying that My Dad Rottoporno has been a pretty life-changing experience for all of us. And I met these two idiots, you know, when I was 18 years old.

Speaker 10 And I didn't really have a clue who I was or what I wanted to do. And to think that 20 years later we would have done all these ridiculously stupid things together is kind of unbelievable.

Speaker 10 And you two really are like my siblings more than my friends. So I just want to say

Speaker 10 I just want to say a massive thank you to both of you for being brave enough to read these sordid pages with me, you know, without knowing what the hell we were going to discover at any point.

Speaker 10 You really took a massive leap of faith and there is nobody, nobody on the planet I would have rather

Speaker 10 read my dad's porn with than you guys. So to you two.

Speaker 10 To us. Cheers.

Speaker 10 And speaking of dad porn, how can I not thank Rocky Flintstone? Yes. You know, for being the best sport in the world and the best dad, obviously.

Speaker 10 But we have time to get all gooey with him because he is going to be appearing next week on his first and last footnotes episode ever. Don't say gooey, but yeah.
Yeah,

Speaker 10 there's no better person to round off Malabar Porno than the man himself, so we cannot wait to have him on the mic with us.

Speaker 10 But it's not just dad, I have to thank my three sisters and, of course, my mum. Of course.
Hello, Wilma. Wilma's been through the ringer.
She really has for letting all this happen in the first place.

Speaker 10 So

Speaker 10 to the whole Flintstone fam, thank you very much. To the Flintstone family.
To the Flintstone. Thank you, the Flintstone.
Cheers, cheers.

Speaker 10 What a clan. And last but not least,

Speaker 10 and I know I kind of speak for all three of us when I say this, actually. I'm not sure about that.
Where's it going? Yeah, I'll put an Adrian once a perfect thank you.

Speaker 10 A massive thank you to the listeners.

Speaker 10 The Belinkers. I do agree with that.
You guys are just amazing. And my favourite thing about this show has been the community that we've built together.
All of us together.

Speaker 10 You're the most supportive, funny, creative, loyal gang of perverts. Whether it's painstakingly designing the Crinomore knife or writing countless versions of Fuck Me Ken,

Speaker 10 you've been so involved and invested in the adventures of Belinda. And it's been so amazing seeing you being there for each other, too.

Speaker 10 I remember a few years ago, someone tweeted that the pod had helped them with their mental health and they were struggling.

Speaker 10 And there were so many replies from fellow listeners offering support and love.

Speaker 10 And one of you said, We Belinkas stick together, and I think that sums us all up, really. We're one big, perverted family now, and we've never taken you guys for granted.

Speaker 10 And without you listening, we would never have made it this far. I mean, Belinda would probably still be handcuffed to a trellis in a maze somewhere.

Speaker 10 You really have been the best, and I know I speak for all of us when I say it's been a privilege to make the show for you all. So, to the Berlinkers, to the Belinkers.

Speaker 21 Oh, what a motley crew.

Speaker 10 So,

Speaker 10 with that, we close the book of Belinda Blinked. But as we've said, do come back next week

Speaker 10 for our very last episode. We can't help it.

Speaker 10 We're going, but not yet.

Speaker 10 Yeah, the very last episode with a truly iconic, can we say, I'm going to say iconic, Rocky Flintstone. I mean, completely nuts that we're letting him come on to basically have the last word.

Speaker 21 It's the official right to reply, isn't it?

Speaker 10 After all these years of

Speaker 21 having a pop.

Speaker 10 And next week, we promise is the final thing. But it is right.

Speaker 10 It is the final, final.

Speaker 10 It really is the end next week.

Speaker 10 You've said it already, Jamie. I don't really know what else to add to that, but lovely words.

Speaker 21 I know from when things that I've enjoyed watching and listening to, when they end, it really feels like a loss.

Speaker 21 And I think it will feel like a big loss in our lives that we don't come and sit around the table and do this because it's been such a big part of our friendship and a big, big part of just how we've grown up in like nearly 10 years.

Speaker 21 Probably like when we first started talking about it, it's really bonkers to me. I feel like I've been in one of Rocky's scenes and the times jumped from 2014 to 2022 and I don't know how it happened.

Speaker 21 It's

Speaker 10 wild. And I'd like to say a few words, even though you two have fucking stolen everything to say.
I agree with everything they said and I endorse it. Imagine me saying it too.

Speaker 10 But I think we should say some specific thank thank yous. Thank you to everyone who was a footnotes guest.
Yes. We love you all.

Speaker 10 And thank you so much for giving us your time to chat about the crazy world of Belinda.

Speaker 10 We also want to thank our friend Klein who designed that little podcast artwork you're always trying to hide on your phone so people don't know what you're listening to.

Speaker 10 Our friend Klein Borrell designed that and he did a fantastic job. So thank you, Klein.

Speaker 10 Martin Batchelor. Legend.
He came up with the now iconic Madhadra Aporn theme tune. He did.
We sent him a very weird brief eight years ago.

Speaker 21 Did we say a kind of sexy, slinky, sleazy 70s, corny?

Speaker 10 So, round of apples. Martin.

Speaker 10 Our friend Annie Morris, who has helped us with loads of our posters and all the beautiful designs you see on our socials. Gorgeous, gorgeous, that's awesome.

Speaker 10 Beautiful gowns. And we just want to give a big shout out to ACAST, who are our distributor.
I've never really known what we're doing.

Speaker 21 That's a very informal way of saying it. I feel like we've grown up with them.

Speaker 10 We have. They saw something in us really early.
I remember we pitched the idea super early. They were like, I love it.
It's hilarious.

Speaker 10 And we've kind of been with them ever since and they've been amazing and they've been nurturing.

Speaker 21 They've gone from small offices to big offices. I'm just saying, like, is that correlation something to do with this success?

Speaker 10 And because of this world we've built together and this big gang or perverted family as Jamie put it,

Speaker 10 you know, we thought the podcast is ending, but I don't want to be too teasy here, but my dad wrote a porno isn't ending. So just keep your eyes peeled.
That's all I'm gonna say.

Speaker 21 You don't create a phenomenon and then put a full stop after it.

Speaker 10 You don't, you put a semicolon, and that's what you're doing.

Speaker 10 So, consider this a semicolon, and just you know, we'll see you soon. So, yes, please do join us next week for the last ever episode and a very special footnotes with the main man himself, Mr.

Speaker 10 Rocky Flintstone. Actually, can't wait.
It's gonna be amazing.

Speaker 27 And we're back live during a flex alert.

Speaker 1 Dialed in on the thermostat.

Speaker 27 Oh, we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m., folks.

Speaker 22 And that's the end of the third. Time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m.

Speaker 10 Clutch move by the home team.

Speaker 9 What's the game plan from here on out?

Speaker 27 Laundry? Not today. Dishwasher?

Speaker 22 Sidelined.

Speaker 27 What a performance by Team California.

Speaker 10 The power truly is ours.

Speaker 22 During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.