Finale Footnotes: Send Offs, Surprises & Songs

Tyler Reddick here from 2311 Racing.

The rush of racing?

Nothing beats it.

But Chumba Casino comes close.

Chumba's got fast spins, fun games, daily bonuses, and all the action you can handle.

Now that's a rush.

Ready to hit the throttle?

Get in the driver's seat and head to chumba casino.com.

Let's chumba.

Sponsored by Chumba Casino.

No purchase necessary.

VGW Group, voidwear prohibited by law.

21 plus.

Terms and conditions apply.

This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace.

You know, when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help.

But who is that person?

How do you find them?

Where do you even start?

Talkspace.

Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need.

With Talkspace, you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences, and be matched with a therapist.

And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare.

You'll meet on your schedule, wherever you feel most at ease.

If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner, or just need a little extra one-on-one support, Talkspace is here for you.

Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers, and most insured members have a $0 copay.

No insurance?

No problem.

Now, get $80 off of your first month with promo code Space80 when you go to TalkSpace.com.

Match with a licensed therapist today at TalkSpace.com.

Save $80 with code SPACE80 at talkspace.com.

The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Hello, and welcome to the last ever My Dad Rotoporno footnotes.

This is very emotional, guys.

It wasn't planned either.

This is a special bonus.

Yeah, this is a bonus episode because the reaction was so overwhelming.

We're in the news in America.

Yeah, we were really kind of blown away by all of the support.

And I'm going to say it, guys, love.

The outpouring of love on social media when we announced that we were ending really kind of took us by surprise.

And we thought we couldn't end the show without hearing from you guys.

You've been such a huge part of the show.

You're the reason that we love doing it.

So, one last footnote to celebrate you guys.

It just had to be done.

James, it can't have passed you by that by setting up a hotline, you were sort of putting us in the same headspace as when Take That broke up, when Jerry left the Spice Girls, when other major cultural phenomenons occurred.

Yeah, maybe it was overreaching a little bit, but yeah, we did set up a voicemail service basically for people to leave their thoughts, messages, rants.

And my God, the inbox is full, guys.

Should we listen to some?

Shall I just play you one?

Yeah.

Yeah, play us one.

But do keep listening, guys, because at the end of this episode, there is a very, very special Berlinka moment you are not going to want to miss.

Um, but yes, James, take it away.

All right,

um, here we go.

Here's the first message:

Hi, Porno Peeps.

Uh, just a quick one to say that I've had an absolute shitter of a year, and you guys have been a small part in helping me get through it.

I'm lying awake at 4 a.m.

with unhelpful thoughts running through my brain.

Your podcast, it's been the best distraction.

So, thank you, Alice, James, and Jamie.

And thank you, Rocky.

Love you, you filthy slangs.

Bye.

Yeah, filthy slangs.

It's our pleasure.

Another one?

Sure.

I'm a little bit crushed.

I'm not going to lie to you.

I'm sad because it has really got me through some fucking shit times in my life.

I'm your biggest fan and I've probably listened to it over and over again.

I'm going to say at least like 20, 30 times, like from start to finish, because sometimes I don't want music and I definitely don't want silence.

So, your podcast goes on.

So, I'm on season six, episode two, at the moment, which I just listened to while making my chicken Kiev salad.

And I will continue to listen to it on repeat until I fucking die.

So, thanks again for the laugh.

I love the way she skims over chicken Kiev salad.

It's very rocky, actually, that meal.

I hope she's defrosted it.

That's all I can say.

This is a recurring theme, actually.

People who are

having a tough time, you know, broken up with somebody, somebody's died, awful stuff happening.

And I know the feeling of not being able to listen to music.

You know, music is almost too emotional.

It's too bad, too emotional.

And so there must be some kind of palate cleansing that happened with my dad right at Borno because there's no emotion in there.

No, it is so nice to hear, like, we've had so many messages from people, which I'm sure we'll come on to, of, you know, people saying we got them through difficult times.

And like, that is the best outcome outcome of this whole show surely yeah and it isn't just voicemails you know you've been emailing us you've been dming us yeah erica's been on she's a tallish woman from texas and she said to this point actually that her therapist got her onto my dadro no way oh

so not only are we a comfort we're a medicine baby case

peter in denmark said that he used the podcast to scare away a bear uh that was an interesting one what do you mean he was like trekking like going on like a hike or something i think a big one for like weeks.

And he came across a bear and nothing got rid of the bear apart from James's squawking probably.

Thought it was some exotic

out to kill him.

Yeah, so he used the podcast to save himself from a bear attack.

Wow.

James, you are repugnant to humans and animals alike.

Well, I was thinking I'm a hero, but however you want to phrase that.

Okay, can we have another one, James?

Yeah, sure.

Come on, let's do another one.

Hi, my dad writers call my team.

It's Amy.

I'm so sad that the show is ending because it's meant so much to me I actually when you announced it on Instagram and stuff I actually welled up and I can't express how sad I am at the fact that you're ending and I just wanted to let you know that

I'm even welling up now this is so stupid um

that

you guys and Belinda and the books and Rocky have meant so much to me in my struggles and you just made my daily life so much so much better.

So all

my big smutty love.

Geez, that got me.

And you know I'm made of stone.

Gosh.

It is amazing how us reading terrible dad porn has touched people's lives in such an emotional way.

I mean, it's incredible.

Yeah, what I've been struck by in the emails is the subject lines of some of the emails.

Kyle's emailed us and it just says, devastated

exclamation marks.

That is one way to get our attention.

It really is.

Oh, another voicemail is incoming.

Hi, James, Jamie, and Alice.

This is Anthony in Dallas, Texas.

I wanted to say thank you for the years of fun and laughter.

You've been this presence in my life for the last five years, just bringing joy and humor and happiness and getting me through some dark times.

So thank you so much for all you've done.

You will be missed, and I'll remember this podcast and the joy that it brought for a long time thank you so much they do sound a little bit like we've died

yeah

we'll remember you this is like going to your own funeral isn't it Hattie sent us a voicemail and she's been talking about how she's been on a big recruitment drive for listeners

hi James Jamie and Alice my name's Hattie and I've managed to get my whole family involved all my brothers and sisters listening bearing in mind I'm one of six

Even got to the point where my toddler runs around asking to listen to Belinda.

My toddler runs around shouting Belinda Blink quotes.

He heard about the pomegranate, and we had to buy pomegranates for a solid three weeks.

All he wanted was to see pomegranates.

Now, I don't know if that's because he's a breastfed baby, so he's already obsessed with boobs.

But when he asked for milk, he says pomegranate.

Well, in his baby language.

Are you joking?

That's insane.

Pomegranate.

Are you actually?

He just points at the boobs and goes, pomegranates, pomegranate.

Think of all the other stuff that the toddler's hearing.

Belinda quotes.

Belinda quotes.

It's a toddler.

I love a toddler quoting.

Yeah, it's a very advanced toddler.

It is kind of astonishing what we are the soundtrack to.

And we've talked about this since the beginning.

The things that people do whilst they listen to the show.

And we've had a message from Zaynab who says, you've been keeping me particularly cheery during a year and a half of frustrating and depressing fertility treatment.

I came to see you at Royal Festival Hall on the day that I was told another round had failed, and it was precisely the weird, stupid evening I needed.

I've just come from a scan confirming that I'm seven weeks pregnant and that there's a heartbeat.

Amazing.

Wow.

The app I'm using to track the progress currently remarkably looks like a mollusk that's fallen out of its shell.

See attached the screen grab, which she's attached, and it does look like a mollusk that's fallen out of its shell.

And she said, I thought you might like to know that we're therefore naming the embryo Ian Snail.

Oh my God, that's the medicine.

That is so good.

Yes, the embryo, not the baby.

The baby is not called Ian Snail.

Well, in a similar vein, we've had an email from Louise,

who was two days overdue with her baby.

And the midwife came around in the afternoon, tried to perform a sweep to encourage the baby to kind of get going and start coming out.

Didn't work.

Then she spent the afternoon in a hot bath and eating chocolate, but it wasn't until she listened to season two, episode 15, Jim's Secret of My Dad Roto Porno,

that her contractions were in full swing.

So she says, I mean, the subject line of the email is, Rocky helped deliver my baby.

Wow.

She thinks, she claims porno.

got that baby out.

This is not the only story we've got where my dad wrote a porno was nearly the first sound that a baby heard.

Oh, you're not kidding.

Yeah, Mary Kate got in touch.

This is insane, guys.

So she was at one of our London Palladium shows and her friend went into labour shortly after we gave her a shout-out on the stage and she had to leave during the interval because the baby was being born.

What?

Why did she leave?

What a finale.

And they've called the baby Isabella.

Oh, Bella.

That is probably an homage.

That's awful.

One day that baby will be Bella.

Poor child.

Speaking of naming people, things after characters from the books.

Tenuous, go on.

Got an email here all the way from New Zealand.

This is from Lydia.

Hello, I thought you might like to know that Belinda Blumenthal the Kia, an endangered alpine parrot, is flapping around the mountains of New Zealand going to important business meetings and plotting to overthrow Bish's regime from her high mountain perch.

And she sent us a link.

You can track Belinda Blumenthal in real time.

What?

So yeah, there's Belinda Blumenthal.

She's an adult female.

James is showing us the map of...

Oh, wow.

It's like the mountain range projection.

Yeah.

Wow.

Okay.

And she's doing well.

She's thriving.

She seems to be.

She seems to be near...

Mount Mitchell at the moment.

So good for her.

Beautiful part of the world.

You two have probably been up there.

But yeah, love that.

Love that there's a parrot flying around New Zealand called Belinda.

Yeah.

And that Rocky's inspired a sort of conservation effort.

This is fun.

Should we do another one?

Another voicemail.

Yeah, let's do it.

Hi, Borno team.

My name is Alice.

Good name.

And I'm 18 and I'm from Kent in England.

And my God, when I tell you, this show has seen me through it.

I first came to the show when I was like 14.

Yeah.

So it's been a long time coming.

It got me through literally all of my A-levels.

I'm at GCCs.

And now I'm at uni and I listen to it at least three times a day.

And it also just made me like so much more comfortable with my sexuality.

Because Belinda, I'm fucking bad at that.

But huge love to you and Rocky.

I don't think you understand quite how much of a difference you've made to the world.

I just have a lot of love for you and the Asses and Donkeys Trust.

Bye.

That's how I want to sign off every call from now on.

The Asses and Donkeys Trust.

Bye.

Sorry, she started listening when she was 14.

I know.

That's 14.

I mean, I guess it's kind of sex education, according to Emma Thompson.

In that way.

Shavum.

I didn't know we had listeners in Poland, but apparently we do because Anna's been in touch.

Hi, this is Anna.

I live in Poland and I'm just really excited to be leaving this message.

I just wanted to say thank you.

I've started to listen to this podcast when I was going through a really tough time.

I had a bad breakup and I was just a big fucking mess.

And I remember laughing my ass off in IGEA, in a shop, in a tram.

I was completely in love with your podcast and I'm so grateful for you, for your work and for Rocky as well.

So give him my best wishes.

Thank you for being present in my toughest times.

Thank you again.

I love Anna.

What a little cutie.

What a sweetie pie.

That is so tough.

I adore giving Rocky best wishes for what he's thrust upon the world.

He does not deserve best wishes.

He deserves a cease and desist.

This is Hannah Berner from Giggly Squad.

Opil is the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S.

Let's be real, getting a birth control prescription is not always easy and it's so much admin.

In fact, about a third of women face barriers to access prescription birth control.

Between scheduling appointments, missing work, class, or just trying to exist, it's a lot.

But now, OPIL is putting birth control in our control.

OPIL is a daily birth control that's FDA-approved, full prescription strength, and estrogen-free, and 98% effective when used as directed.

Grab it online, or at most major retailers, no prescription or doctor's appointment needed.

So, if you're thinking about birth control, check out OPIL to see if it's right for you.

Use code GIGLI for 25% off your first month of OPIL at opi.com.

That's code GIGLIE at opil.com.

Birth control and your control.

We love to see it.

Do you want another one?

Fancy another one.

Fancy a one.

Fancy another one.

Hi, guys.

My name's Ben, and I just wanted to say thank you so much for the podcast.

My memory of my dad wrote a porno is walking around the park in the town in which I live, trying to get my eight-month-old daughter to go to sleep in a pram in the pouring rain, soaked to the skin, in utterly miserable conditions, but listening to the podcast and just laughing and having a brilliant time.

You got me through the eight-month sleep regression, and I'm so, so grateful.

Thanks very much, guys.

Oh, that's very sweet.

So what?

He walks his eight-month-old round in the rain listening to us.

And the eight-month-old likes that?

Hey, whatever gets you through the days is what I say.

Absolutely.

I mean, we've said it before, though.

Do not operate heavy machinery or manage a child when listening to my dad wrote a a porno.

Not recommended.

What is incredible from going through all these emails is the breadth of ages.

I kind of assumed it would be people our age, younger people, but we got an email from Lisa who said, Indeed, Rocky doesn't know much about sex, but don't blame that on his age.

As a woman in her sexual prime, aka 60 years old, I can promise you that most of us old farts have lots more experience than you and know exactly what to do with our various saggy, baggy, and otherwise decrepit parts.

And we have way more free time than you do, too.

So we have to have more sex than you've ever dreamed of, except maybe James.

Well, fair play, Lisa.

You know, I hope I'm having as much sex as you when I'm 60.

It is interesting, though, isn't it, thinking about the listeners?

Because often we're just not thinking about how many people are listening, where they are all over the world, as you say, who they are, what age they are.

I really, really love this message from Becky who says, as an ASL interpreter, I try to challenge myself by practicing interpreting interviews, TED Talks, music, etc.

By far the most challenging thing I've ever attempted to interpret has been every single chapter of Belinda Blink.

It's been humbling and entertaining trying to think of fun and interesting ways to sign breastplunging like pomegranates, showing the minuscule vole, or how to show someone's reaction to blue semen.

Becky, you're a hero.

Thank you.

That's brilliant.

And it's really helped people kind of discover things about themselves.

Like Ricky got in touch and said, I was always convinced growing up that I was asexual.

And listening to Belinda Blinked over the last few years has actually confirmed that for me.

And Harrison in America said that it helped him come out as gay.

So, you know, it's really helping people across the spectrum.

Wow, in what way?

Well, he said that the podcast showed him that it wasn't a big deal to be into the same sex.

And knowing friends of his listen and enjoy the show allowed him to realize that they could could be cool with him coming out.

And they were.

And he's never been happier.

Wow, that's great.

Congratulations, Harrison.

The bonker side effects of your dad scrolling in that pavilion, honestly, like fantastic.

And, you know, we have given dad a bit of a rough time over the years, not just for his porn, but also for his business knowledge.

But Rhea got in touch and said that, look, Rocky's approach to business is as unbalanced as his view to everything else, but some things are very accurate.

She works in business, guys.

She knows her stuff.

She said, We're gonna have to cut you off there, Rhea, but thank you so much for your message.

She said that one episode featured a discussion about payment terms influencing the supermarket position of Steel's products, which we all seem baffled by, but actually, she thought was a very reasonable position to land on if those were the key issues for the parties involved.

So, actually, maybe dad did know his stuff after all.

I mean, you know, hands up, I think Alice and I will both admit there's definitely been times when we've ribbed him too far, and perhaps, you know, we've been in the wrong.

We'll say it.

Maybe we've been in the wrong.

Speak for yourself.

No, we have definitely had moments where I think, oh my god, Rocky Flintstone's lawyers are going to come for us because he actually does know what he's talking about.

Speaking of the business advice in the books, we've actually had a voicemail from someone whose life has been altered, improved by the business advice in the books.

I just wanted to say, I've been listening since my very first job in 2016 when I was a teenager at a retail thing.

And now I am a graduate with a university degree going about my life.

And that is because Belinda installed such an elegant policy of fuck yeah, let's do it.

Let's do it in the sexiest way possible.

Thanks, Bordeaux.

There you go.

Fuck yeah, let's do it.

There you go.

That is a business mantra.

I need to know what graduate scheme he's on.

And keeping on the business theme, Hugh and Wainey got in touch from Malaysia who said that they met at a a conference much like the Pan-Pacific, the Pots and Pan-Pacific conference, but they bonded over listening to my Dad Rottoporno at the conference.

What?

That brought them together and what?

Are they still together?

They're still together.

Oh, I love that.

I know, isn't that mad?

So sweet.

I love how we're pinballing here, but you mentioned Malaysia.

I got another Malaysia connection.

Go.

Louise has been on.

She says, I moved to Malaysia for a few months for work and it was a hugely stressful time.

My friend sent me a link to my dad retoporno saying you will love love this, and I absolutely did.

But the most my dad reto porno part of Louise's story is that when she was at uni, her dad did actually write a porno, but not in the way that Rocky did.

He accidentally, I don't even know how to say this, sexted Louise.

Oh my god, what?

Sorry, keep reading, girl.

Keep reading.

She's on her way to meet her dad for lunch and apologies in advance for the language, but she gets a text from her dad thinking that it's going to say, like, running a bit late, or I'm here, or do you want a coffee or whatever?

And it says, it was amazing to come in your juicy cunt, hun.

Kiss us.

Oh

my

God.

Is that the first use of the C-bomb on my dad's writer Bordeaux?

Oh, my God.

We're going to have to beep it.

Juicy.

She says, juicy is the worst bit of it.

And she didn't know how to deal with it.

And so, unlike Jamie, she just ignored it and went for lunch.

Really?

And they never spoke of it ever again.

They never spoke of it.

That was my other option, to be fair.

I can't believe, in amongst all the horrendous things that Rocky's written, I'm the first one to drop a C-bomb.

Pottymouth, you're a dirty little Pottymouth.

I always said it about you.

All I can say is it was verbatim.

I'm so sorry if you're offended.

Grace has been in touch.

Hi, Grace.

Hi, James, Jamie, Alice, and Rocky.

My name is Grace.

I live in Paris and every day on my way to work, I walk past the Moulin Rouge and every day I look at it and I think, it's not as good as the Moulin Maron.

The podcast has changed my life infinitely because during the pandemic, I was stuck here and I couldn't get home to see my family.

And me and my best friend decided to make the podcast part of our day in order to just get through the crippling anxiety that brought to us through the pandemic.

So every day we had a listening party, just us two.

We couldn't see each other, we couldn't get home to each other, and the podcast brought us closer together and it just helped brighten our day.

So thank you so much.

It means the world to us.

Oh my god, that's amazing.

I love the idea that there are real-world locations which have also been desecrated by Rocky's writing.

You can't walk past major landmarks without thinking of him.

I think when people come to London now, they do walking tours of Belinda Blink locations.

Like, I've seen a couple of emails of people saying they've been to Cricklewood pumping station.

No, no, no.

Yeah.

No way.

Even we haven't gone there.

Which is a massive like detour out of your way to go and see that.

Yeah, and probably incredibly unimpressive when you get to it.

You're like, oh, okay.

Yeah, incredible.

Well, it's funny because, you know, people have kind of tried to make Belinda into like a cultural thing, you know, by doing that sort of thing.

And Nicole from Italy got in touch.

She's living in Paris, but she came to see us in Stockholm.

And she told all of her family that she was going to see the museums

to tell them that she was going to a live sex show.

So, you know, it goes both ways, the cultural thing.

Just quickly, staying in Europe, we've had an email from Asti.

I only want to read the subject line.

He said, Copenhagen is in Mörning, and he's put one of those O's with a line through it in Mürning.

I think he's trying to help you with your pronunciation, Jamie.

A lot of people pronouncing it like that, actually.

He spelt it M-O-U-O-line-E-R-N-I-N-G.

As I believe it's spelled.

The traditional Old English spelling.

James, let's have another voicemail.

Oh, Jamie, it would be my pleasure.

This is Kelly from All the Way in California.

And I thought I'd give this a shot just so you know how far the influence of Rocky's wacky and wonderful world of Belinda Blink has reached.

It's crazy to think that I started listening in my second year of university, and now I'm in my first year of getting my doctorate.

And I just wanted to say that, especially during COVID this really felt like the most bizarre family on earth and I really really am thankful for it so I'd really like to raise a glass of Chardonnay to you Belinda the Glee team and Rocky and basically all the good stuff oh my god it's so much nicer and Kelly's voice why didn't we just employ hers to it

can I just say I'd like to raise a glass to global lockdowns for giving us a nice little

listener bump everyone's like you got me through COVID It's like, well, good.

I have to say, like, the pandemic seems to be a running theme that it's kind of helped people.

And Paige got in touch to say that she listened to the entire of my dad porno in the lab as she was researching COVID during the pandemic.

Wow.

Yeah.

And you know, she's legit because she didn't call it COVID.

She called it SARS-CoV-2.

She's the real gym.

She knows her shit.

She knows what she's talking about.

I'm like, yeah, she knows.

James, what other treats do you have there?

We've had a message all the way from Perth, Australia.

Oh, fantastic.

We've played there.

We have Hugo.

His accents are terrible.

Thank you.

Hey, Jamie, James, and Alice.

It's Riley from Perth, WA, and I just wanted to say thank you so much.

My dad wrote a pony has absolutely changed my life.

And I listen to you every day still when I'm doing my washing, when I'm doing my cooking.

My wife and I listen to you in the morning when we're getting ready for work.

Just thank you.

You brought so much joy into my life, so much love.

And I cannot say how much I appreciate you.

Rocky is heaven on the hat stand.

He has the fucking money chits.

So thank you all.

Talk about you all the time.

Thank you.

Love you.

Bye.

Talk about us all the time.

Like we're family.

How are James, Alison, Jamie?

Yeah, they're good.

They're good.

If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, thank golder!

Because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is here.

Made for your chicken favorites.

I participating McDonald's for a limited time.

Who have you got next for us, James?

We've got a listener from Drummond Please, Austria.

Hi, guys.

Here's Sophia.

I'm from Austria, and my mum's name is Petra.

And I absolutely lost my shit when Petra, you know, the character appeared in Jamie's amazing voice.

So we often quote it at home whenever my mum says something weird because my mum does say weird things a lot.

So sometimes if she goes like, hello, then it will always come out.

It must be rough when someone you know has the same name as someone in the books.

It must be hard to separate the two.

I mean, especially Petra.

I'm I'm really sorry about your mum, Sophia.

I mean,

I can only apologize.

That voice, James, I think that will, that and Bella will go down as your two most iconic voices.

Now, we've had a very special email from listener Matt.

Oh, okay.

Without giving too much away, I'd like to keep it mysterious.

He's asked us to call his boyfriend Jamie

to ask Jamie a question.

Oh, okay.

Let's call him.

Let's do it.

Hello.

Hi, Matt.

It's Jamie, James, and Alice here.

How are you?

Very nervous, thank you.

What on earth is going on, Matt?

Why have you gathered us all here?

I just wanted to

propose to my boyfriend.

What?

Yeah, I know the podcast is coming to an end, so I thought maybe I can do something unique that nobody else is going to be able to do.

Oh, amazing.

So it was either this or the top of the Eiffel Tower or skywriting, and you were like, no, this is going to be good.

How are you feeling, Matt?

Oh, I'm just wondering if it's too early to have a rum and coke

it's never too early matt it's never too early do you think that jamie will be expecting this uh question to be popped not at all he's always saying to me when he's um at his ring oh where's my ring and stuff um my mum has said when he's drunk that he always says i'd never ask him so i don't think he's expecting it whatsoever

oh my god This is amazing.

And do you have the ring on you?

Are you all ready to kind of present the ring?

No, we've not really discussed if we'd even wear a ring.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, I think something we'll discuss afterwards.

Matt, where are you right now?

It's very quiet.

Yeah, I'm inside my car.

Oh, right.

You're hiding out.

Yeah.

So you're going to have to go back, make sure you're in the same place as Jamie, and then we're going to call Jamie and make this happen.

Oh, my God.

I'm really hoping that when I ask him, he says Jamie blinked rather than yes.

Matt, so do we.

Believe me, so do we.

We'd love that.

Look, good luck.

The next time we speak to you, you may well be an engaged man.

Brilliant.

Oh, my God.

Bye.

Talk to you soon.

Bye.

I can't believe it.

Like, after eight years, we finally get a My Dad Rotten Porno proposal.

I'm so excited.

I always thought it would happen at a live show.

Yeah.

Guys, have we planned for what we do if he says no?

We don't want to be that person.

We could send him a signed book.

We'd probably have to send them two because they might break up.

Oh, that's true.

That's true.

No, I believe in Matt and Jamie's love.

I I think it's going to happen.

Right, shall we call Jamie?

Oh, my God.

Okay.

Hello.

Hi, is that Jamie?

Yes, making.

Hi, it's another Jamie here, and I'm joined by Alice and James from my dad wrote a porno.

How are you?

Oh my gosh, I can't believe it.

Good morning.

This is a little call that Matt has arranged.

Just to say hi, see what you're up to.

We hear that you have enjoyed Belinda's exploits in the past.

I have, yeah.

I'm a little bit shocked to be honest.

At first I thought this was automated.

I was like, how come this work?

Who's thinking about the technology?

I can't believe it.

I'm talking to you.

It's crazy.

Now, Jamie, we want to talk to Matt actually.

So, can you put us all on speakerphone so we can

all speak?

Okay, you're on speaker.

Are we on speaker?

Matt, can you hear us, Matt?

I can.

Now, Jamie, there's another reason we're calling.

Matt actually

wanted to ask you something.

What?

Matt, take it away.

Okay, I just wanted to say I love you so much.

You make me really happy.

And I know you're always going out of your way with these big gestures for my birthday and Christmas and stuff.

I thought maybe it's my turn to return the favour.

Obviously, Belinda, we can't go without mentioning her.

I know how happy she is when she's got a glass of shards in one hand and a turkey sandwich in the other.

So I was hoping you could make me as happy as her by agreeing to marry me.

You're joking, Matt.

What the heck?

Well?

Yeah, of course.

Brilliant.

Am I dreaming?

I was really hoping that you were going to say Jamie blinked.

Jamie did blink.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

From this automated message, Jamie.

Congratulations.

Technology is amazing.

How do you feel, Jamie?

I feel like I'm dreaming, honestly.

Wow.

Are you awake now?

No, yeah, my heart's pounding.

Oh.

I mean, it's a lot for a 10 o'clock Saturday morning call, granted.

Well, it is just to hear from you, Friend, and then that.

Wow, God.

Oh, my God.

You guys are engaged.

You're our first proposal ever.

Where's my vein?

I told you that.

Great question, Jamie.

Great question.

Look at shopping.

How about that?

Oh, my God.

I'm so happy for you guys.

Thank you.

Jamie, I'm taking it you're incredibly surprised.

Like, you weren't expecting this at all.

Uh, not at all.

I never thought he would be the one to ask.

I thought it would be me.

Well, we should let you have a proper moment, shouldn't we?

Yeah, guys, congratulations.

Thank you so much for doing this, man.

I really appreciate it.

Oh, my God, it's our pleasure.

Let us know how the planning goes and when the wedding is.

Oh, definitely.

Yeah, keep us updated.

Feel free to use some of Rocky's words and the vows, of course.

Really try and incorporate it.

Or don't.

Either way, whatever.

Lots of people.

Have a wonderful day.

Thank you so much.

Take care, guys.

Thank you.

Bye.

Wow.

Oh, my goodness.

That was so lovely.

I was actually really tense that he was going to say no.

There was a bit of a pause, wasn't there?

Yeah, there was a moment I was like, this is going to go the wrong way.

I think he was just completely, completely bowled over.

I mean, you wouldn't expect it, to be fair.

Us three calling you up.

You wouldn't think, this is going to be the start of the rest of my life.

Wow.

I'm not sure how we top that emotional height.

But you know what, Al, I don't think we can.

I think all there is to say is thank you to every single one of you who's got in touch today and over the past couple of weeks.

It really, really does mean the world to us.

I know we couldn't read out every email and every voicemail, but we have read and listened to every single one of them.

And you really have made us as happy as three larks on a farm.

So thank you so much.

And actually, guys, Ed Mooney...

has written us a song to celebrate the end of my dad wrote a porno we love a song we do so we're going to play that in a second, but just to say, do come back next week for part two of the finale.

Will Belinda say yes to Peter Rousey's offer of marriage?

Who knows?

I doubt it will go as well as Jamie and Matt.

How could it?

He thought he was dreaming.

That's actually how I thought the books might end.

So that feels very appropriate.

But yes, do come back next porno Monday.

And to play us out, it's Ed Mooney.

So after seven years,

after many laughs and tears,

when all is said and done,

Belinda will be gone.

Though I'm so distraught myself,

we'll raise a bottle to her health

wherever she is now.

I hope we'll make her proud.

Thanks for all the pots and pans,

for all the places I had planned

for us to go, I know.

It's the end of the show.

Thanks to Jamie James and Alice

for bringing Rocky with no Malice.

Though I don't want to go, I know.

It's the end of the show.

life is shit, but we all move on.

Without Belinda, it'll be so wrong.

Don't wanna be left like a background goon.

So I'm praying to the North Scots, you'll be back soon.

When you get what you want, you feel great.

And after six books, it's like you're our mate.

So if this is the end,

then come back soon, my friend.

Thanks for all the pots and pans

for all the places I had planned

for us to go.

I know

it's the end of the show.

Thanks to Jamie, James, and Alice

for bringing Rocky with no Malice.

Though I don't want to go, I know

it's the end of the show.

Oh, Belinda,

oh, Belinda,

Oh Belinda

Oh Belinda

G for gin, T for tonic R six titties are supersonic We don't mind men, we don't like fuss We're the blue team, come and get us What is the game?

It's a song we sing what is the game No one knows the game, what is the game?

Monkeys were in there, what is the game?

That was my grandma's my orgasm is still building and building and building and building and building and building and building.

Okay, Georgie, Porgy.

We only have 14 minutes to get out

or thereabouts.

Oh, Belinda,

oh, Belinda,

oh, Belinda,

oh, Belinda,

O Belinda

O Belinda.