Footnotes: Sir Rocky Flintstone?

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Hello and welcome to my dad Rotoporno the footnotes.

Now this week is a very special week in the Flintstone household because it's my dad's birthday week.

In fact,

we have birthday weeks.

No, I know.

I know you have birthday weeks.

You've just had your birthday week.

Birthday weeks run porno Monday to porno Monday.

They can actually spread even further.

It's been known.

Which day is his actual birthday?

The official birthday?

It'll be next Monday.

So I guess technically that would be his birthday week, but we're celebrating now.

Yeah.

Dare we ask what age?

Honestly, I've got it wrong at certain points in my life, but I'm pretty sure he'll be 65.

That sounds about right.

That's a momentous age.

It was because last year, mum greeted him when he woke up to a rendition of The Beatles when I was 64.

Which is appropriate.

Yeah.

But only if you're 64, yeah.

So I think he's 65 this year.

It feels like his birthday should become some sort of national holiday, You know, people all over the world will be celebrating.

Rocky Flintstone Day.

We should take like, make it like a bank holiday.

We should take the day off.

Is there an international holiday?

Because obviously we have loads.

We're known in the UK for having loads of days off compared to other places.

But is there one where everybody stops?

Christmas Day.

Christmas Day.

But not really, not everywhere.

Oh, you're right.

There are non-Christian countries that probably don't do that.

Yeah, I don't think so.

That's just a normal day in lots of places.

So, I mean, this could be the thing that unites everybody.

I'm just saying, will peace.

It's the thing we've been looking for.

My goodness, it's going to unite the world.

And it's quite nice because it's like smack bang in the middle of the year.

It's a good time to reflect, have some rest.

James in the Gregorian calendar, but there are others.

Please don't alienate people.

Of course, of course.

Kung Hee Fat Choy.

To you and yours.

Well, it's interesting that you said that because I think a great birthday present for dad, I thought we could maybe...

And hear me out here.

Depends how much it costs.

Well, I think it's free.

For you, sir.

Practically nothing but your time.

I'm listening.

I thought we should try and get dad an honour.

A knighthood, basically.

What, a sir?

A sir or a CBE.

Or sir.

Beep, beep.

I think if dad could become a knight of the realm, how amazing would that be?

I've always wondered, because I think they released a list recently.

I've always wondered how people get on the honours list.

Well, James, I've been doing some research.

Oh, my God.

And I found...

Is this for real?

I found...

Are you nuts?

I found the form that you need to fill in to nominate somebody.

There is.

So it's a very democratic process.

So you can submit this form to the Cabinet Office and they will determine whether he meets their criteria to become a knighthood.

No, just check.

It's a no.

And anyone can do this.

I think so.

I mean, so I could nominate like one of you.

I mean, I wouldn't, but I could like make Alice a dame or a CBE.

I think she's more MBE level, but yeah.

Wow.

I'd also turn it down because I'm so rebellious and so would you?

Progressive.

Well, I feel like it's more rock and and roll, isn't it?

I mean, I hadn't even thought about that.

What if we get him a knighthood and he says no?

He won't say no.

He'd bloody love it.

Okay, so what are the criteria?

Okay, so on this form, it says, who deserves an honour?

Honours recognise and celebrate outstanding achievements.

Well, tick.

Billinger Blink is an outstanding achievement.

I mean, there's nothing that even comes close.

It's like in some categories, you know, say it was like a sports person.

You'd be like, okay, but this is tricky because there's other people who've achieved similar things to you.

Who else has achieved what he's achieved?

Well, exactly.

And they do say there are always fewer honours than people who deserve them because they are rare.

They should be reserved for people who, and there are two things, who have changed things, especially by solid practical achievement.

Certainly changed things.

I mean, life was very different before Rocky Flintstone.

And the other one is, whose work has brought distinction to British life or enhanced the UK's reputation in their area or activity.

I mean, that's where we could fall down.

Reputationally, I would say we're in the gutter, but I mean, where were we before?

Okay, so...

Definitely the works changed the world.

Yeah.

Distinction to British life, though, because I would say that a lot of, particularly international listeners, know about Britain through Rocky's lens.

Yeah, no one knew what a Tombowla was before that.

Doesn't distinction mean like class though and it's a more positive.

I don't think people know more about Britain.

Okay, well let's not derail the process at this early stage, guys.

Okay, all right, let's say those are both ticks.

I think, because it's basically an application form, I think we could spin that second one.

Yeah, I do.

And they say the most important thing is to provide evidence of what they've done and how they've made things better.

I don't really want the evidence.

But how they've made things better for others.

So I think dad has made things better for others.

Well, he cheers people right up.

He brings a lot of joy.

Yeah.

So we could put that on the form.

We've had some quite profound emails about how people have been in dark, not great places and Rocky's turned it around.

Exactly.

Do we just send them our email inbox?

And also it's almost like this form was made for something about dad because it does stress the nomination doesn't need to be a work of art.

It doesn't matter if it's typed or handwritten or whether it has pictures.

Perfect.

It doesn't matter if it's your first draft or your last draft.

And it doesn't have to be particularly formal.

There's no right length.

It's perfect for dad.

Pamphlet or novel.

It doesn't matter.

So you need to give examples of how they've demonstrated outstanding quality and show how your candidate has contributed in a distinctive way to improving the lot of those less able to help themselves.

He's a very philanthropic man.

Indeed.

He really is.

He really, yeah, he loves giving away any money that we've made.

He does.

At a rate of knots, actually.

But yeah, I really think that he's been a friend to many.

Yeah, I think we've got quite a strong case there, actually.

Very good to his fans.

Oh, yeah.

He's not quite Taylor Swift's sort of Nicki Minaj level of like paying for people's college education but like he's not far off.

Not far off.

If you want a signed book

at his own cost.

We also have to show how he has shown innovation or creativity in delivering lasting results.

Well that's easy.

I mean these books in themselves are one of a kind, never been done before.

We always hope never done again.

Yeah that's I mean that's the one where he absolutely excels and actually when we were I know we were nay saying about the distinction in his field and, you know, the quality issue.

But who are we to judge when the likes of Michael Sheen, you got your Emma Thompsons, you've got the, Dame Emma Thompson, you got these people

who know their shit saying he's a genius.

So I almost feel like we're just three plebs, we don't know.

You really just submit his email signature as the proof because it's got all those quotes on it.

Quite.

Well, and as far as innovation, I mean, he would, I would argue, he's at the kind of forefront of the self-publishing.

Yeah.

He really knows how to use an Amazon account.

Oh, my God.

god.

He's got one of those tickers on his website that show you how many visitors you've had.

I mean this man knows technology.

And it's a beautiful bright yellow.

A good nomination should also describe as vividly and precisely as possible the difference their contribution has made to society.

So try to answer the following questions.

Okay.

How were things before they began?

Much better.

No, things.

Sad.

Sad.

I don't think I ever laughed.

Well, one thing, I feel like he's spread a lot of sex positivity.

Yeah.

Yes.

He's very pro, like, no, no labels.

He's very...

Yeah.

What was that line in the Christmas special this year?

Gifts are

for gifts.

Under the tree, never for those who are sexually free.

I mean, come on.

So tick.

Tick.

I mean, he's been a gateway drug to podcasting for a lot of people.

Absolutely.

So he's opened up the world of audio.

And now every fucker's got a podcast.

Every fucker.

I mean, honestly, everybody.

I would also say for a lot of people, they'd never indulged in this area of literature.

So

he's opened up a whole section of the arts.

It's that time of year again, back to school season.

And Instacart knows that the only thing harder than getting back into the swing of things is getting all the back-to-school supplies, snacks, and essentials you need.

So here's your reminder to make your life a little easier this season.

Shop favorites from Staples, Best Buy, and Costco all delivered through Instacart so that you can get some time back and do whatever it is that you need to get your life back on track.

Instacart, we're here.

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

So that's how things were before they began.

How are they now?

Perverts everywhere.

Yeah, which, depending on your perspective, is a good or bad thing.

How are things now interesting?

We've had very few emails that say, my life is worse off for Rocky being in it.

Yeah.

And if there have been those emails, you've kept them from us, Jens.

I like to keep you both buoyant.

They all seem to say, thank God for Rocky.

Thank queen and country for Rocky.

We also need to answer, what makes your candidate different from others doing the same thing?

Have you met him?

Have you ever seen an author play a harmonica?

Well, the thing is, no one does the same thing.

He's completely unique.

And also, he's Bonkers Bonker's Chocolate Conquer.

So, like,

he is...

He is what...

They broke the mold.

He probably broke the mold after himself.

I think for that, we should just send a picture of him.

You know, what that really stripey suit with matching hat he wears.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, if I looked at that, I'd say that man needs to be a surf.

Um, and you need to show that your candidate has earned the respect of their peers and become a role model in their field.

I mean, are you joking?

Who hasn't co-signed on Rocky Film today?

I mean, you mentioned Michael Sheen, Dame, you know, Lynn Manuel Miranda, Dan Levy, Nicholas Holt, John Ronson, uh, that woman who did the Aphrodisiacs episode, just so many people,

Amy Riley, a legend of her time.

Hey, Amy, if you're still listening, Alice, you never listened to begin with.

And then we have to prove that he produced, perhaps against the odds,

everything was telling him no.

Sustained achievement, which has required moral courage, vision, the ability to make tough choices or determined application and hard work.

I'm not being funny.

I know.

But seriously, seriously, I think we've...

legit got a case here.

I thought this was going to be a joke.

I thought we were going to be like, psych, but he's going to be a sir, sir, isn't he?

My worry is they're going to take one look at the content and be like, no, we're not being associated with that.

But like take it beyond that and look a bit further.

I think we could build a really strong application.

Yeah.

If you look at his canon and you look at his character, you couldn't not give him an option.

It would actually be probably quite an outrage.

It would be a scandal.

And it does say, don't be afraid of using superlatives in citations.

Oh, we won't.

In fact, should we let him have a pass at his own application?

Or we write it and we let him rockify it?

No, I think we should do this really seriously.

I think we should write it.

I think everyone at home who's listening, you should also nominate him.

I think if we get a general mass of applications, I can't say no.

No, don't.

Could this actually happen?

Is this like Herbal put all over it?

Guys, everyone should write an application.

to get dad a knighthood.

No, so wait, they can write their own independent ones, you mean?

I think so.

And is it a law of like average?

Like, if you get enough.

I'm not sure if it's like a petition for the House of Commons, but X Factor.

I think there's still a judgment call, isn't there?

At some point, oh, of course, but I think if there's so many applications, how could they say no?

If there's a ground swell, exactly.

I'm actually getting excited if people actually do this.

Can you imagine him being awarded?

Can you imagine the actual day, I mean, like, being because I presume you go to Buckingham Palace, yeah, meet the queen, he'll have to put, like, I don't know, like a sack over his head because he can't be seen.

Oh, surely he can be seen by the queen, yeah, true, true, true.

But the photos he'll take back to front, won't he?

Can you imagine?

And what do you do?

Eric Porn.

Oh, splendid.

Fuck off!

Get the fuck out of my sight.

Oh, I bet she listens.

Oh, my God.

Lizzie.

Oh, she's seen it all, hasn't she?

She's been around.

Who do you think out of the royal family would listen to Porno?

I reckon...

Well, Harry and Megan, surely, because they're like in the audio space.

Harry, because he's a bit of a scamp.

I've reckoned Harry.

I think Camilla, actually.

Oh, sure.

What, because Tampongate?

And CousDuchess.

She probably listens and thinks.

It's like listening to my own life.

They do give you some tips as well on the right words to use.

So effective nominations often include nouns such as determination, creativity, zeal, performance,

ambassador, and adjectives such as trusted, wise, tenacious, dogged.

These really do describe dads.

Exenacious, for sure.

Exemplary, peerless.

Eccentric?

I mean, peerless, I guess, because nobody would stand as his peer.

Yeah.

They wouldn't allow themselves to be in the same sentence, really, would they?

And there are things that you shouldn't do.

Even if they stress there is no wrong way to do it, but just don't do these.

So you shouldn't have an extended CV.

That's not a problem.

You shouldn't do a list of educational achievements.

Although he has got a good education.

No list of appointments, awards, or posts.

Oh, so it really is about who the person is, not what they've really achieved.

Oh, okay.

But I mean, not about the accolades, more about the actual work itself.

Oh, sure.

Okay.

The craft, you know, the process.

So if you want to help dad get this honour, and it could be an MBE,

an OBE, a CBE, obviously a sir would be amazing.

He'll take anything.

What's the kind of lowest run?

Is MBE kind of the first step?

Yeah.

Okay.

So you can download the form at www.gov.uk slash honours, and that's honours with a U for those Yankee friends of ours.

So I've just quickly go on that site.

This would be amazing.

I mean, just to have people submit applications would be hilarious in itself, but if it actually got anywhere, I think the next list is at Christmas.

So if we start the campaign now,

how can they say no?

And it does say anyone can nominate someone for an honour.

Like anyone can do it.

You don't have to be a certain person to nominate someone.

Can he be Sir Rocky Flintstone or will it have to be his real name?

Oh, I think Sir Rocky Flintstone's fine.

Oh, do you think that?

It's Sir Bonnow, isn't it?

It's not Sabono.

Isn't it?

We've had this conversation before.

Sabono.

Dame Ed?

No, that's not a real name.

Oh, hang on, guys.

We need their name, age, and address.

Ah, that's going to be tricky.

Well, we can't broadcast that.

No, so maybe what we should do is if you all send us what you think he should be recognised for, or the language that you'd use to nominate.

Collaborative output.

Exactly.

We can use all of that and maybe even put a list of everyone that submitted something to be like, he's touched all of these people.

He's in a letter.

Exactly.

Then we can submit that and hopefully he'll get a night.

This is turning into a petition, isn't it?

A change.org petition to Sirocki.

To Sirocki.

And then, hopefully, if we get Sirocky Flintstone, then Sirocky Flintstone Day will follow and we can all have a day off, which is ultimately what we're doing this for.

It's the only reason I'm signing the letter.

And you guys have been so amazing.

You've been sending in your birthday greetings to Dad.

Yeah, we've had loads.

And so do players out.

Here's a little selection, some choice cuts.

We don't need to comment on everything, always, guys.

God.

But happy birthday, Dad.

Love you loads.

Happy birthday, Raggy.

Rocky motherfucking Flintstone.

Happy birthday, big fella.

Hope you have a great day today.

And maybe we can expect a big old, you know, special birthday Belinda Blinked situation.

I don't know, something about coming out of a birthday cake, bit of cream.

You know, I'll leave that to your, you know, artistic integrity, my friend.

Have a great day, mate, and all the best.

Happy birthday, Rocky.

You are the youngish, sexiest father of all porn.

Rocky, Rocky, Rocky.

We love what you've done for the country.

You've sourced up every pot and pan in town.

So we hope you've had a fab day on your special birthday.

Congrats to the one who wears the porno crown.

Woo!

Happy birthday!

You have changed my life.

I don't think I've ever had so many multiple laughgasms.

You are so talented.

It's like Shakespeare with a lot of sex and your imagination is outrageous.

You're outrageous and I love you for it.

Anyway, happy birthday, Rocky Flintstone and cheers to many more.

Hi Rocky, my name's Mandy.

I want to say happy birthday to you.

Thank you for giving me a story that made me spit out my drink with laughter.

I had a few years where I wasn't able to laugh and to have your story, Belinda Blinked, and the podcast has meant the world to me.

Thank you so much.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Rocky Flintstone.

Don't you think my Welsh accent is a bit better than Jamie's?

It was a bit terrible on the last episode, wasn't it?

Had a great one, you crack an old bugger you and keep writing some dirty shit because I fucking love set.

Oh, happy birthday, Mr.

Flintstone from the Dutch House.

Let's go and get muddy, shall we?

Happy birthday.

I'm blinking.

Happy, happy birthday, Rocky, you genius, genius man.

I hope you get to do all the rimming to your heart's content.

To the man that brought to life the girl I wish to make my wife, I thank you deep from my heart for creating such a work of art.

I know it's fake, I know she's fiction, but Blumenthal's my true addiction.

I see our lives intertwine, sharing Aussie dry white wine.

From stocking our kitchen with pots and pans to taking our kids to canvas sands.

Although I try to swipe on Tinder, I'll never meet a woman like Belinda

Coach the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratches from the California lottery play is everything Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.