S6E2 - 'The Flying Doctor'

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The following podcast contains adult themes, sexual content, and strong language.

Basically, all the good stuff.

Hello, and welcome to my dad, Rhoda Porno, James, Alice.

How are you both today?

Feeling good.

Thrilled to be back.

It really shows.

You've got good energy today, guys.

The renewal always surprises me, but when it comes in the post and I realise I'm invited back for another one, just fantastic.

Got us both in jumpers.

Yeah, it's because it's chilly in here, isn't it?

It's a bit cold.

Did you ever put the heating on?

You keep it very cold.

I do, because of lockdown, I had the heating on the whole time and I got a bill that was £450 for a month.

That's why you keep the heating off for the bill.

Well, that's quite a large bill, James.

Would you not agree?

Yeah, but...

It feels a little bit like, I guess, well, no, lizards, they're under hot lamps, aren't they?

I could just say, you have been in my house for about an hour and a half, and you choose to mention this the minute the mics get turned on.

Well, we travel together.

We're like, let's talk, let's shame him on mine.

Yeah, let's.

What else is going on?

You must learn.

It's becoming the show, actually.

It's less about Paul and by the day.

It's just more about, oh, Jamie, you're weird.

I'm imagining now we'll get some kind of portion of his next bill.

It's like, well, actually, it's for work purposes.

Cleaner, yeah, yeah, clean with it.

We'll go threesies.

Yeah, I'm surprised the lights are on, to be quite frank.

Honestly, honestly.

I mean, I dared ask for a coffee.

It just takes a bit of an adjustment, doesn't it, to living in a full house?

Not that you two would know that, but it does.

Full house.

Full house.

You're living on your own.

I know, but like, you two are in flats, aren't you?

Oh.

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Now the truth comes out.

Let's, yeah.

Let's get all the people out on the table, shall we?

Any other judgments anyone wants to make?

Oh my god, the tablecloth is red.

It's literally like one of those red table talks or whatever it is.

What the the Jada Pinkett's

outright.

Come on.

This has been obviously bubbling.

This has been boiling unlike the atmosphere in here.

I've been boiling.

I'm so relieved that we are recording this conversation because I think you'll find that you provoked me.

So you look down on us.

Let me get the street.

Yeah, you look down on us.

You look down on us because we live in flats and you live in a full house.

I mean, A, I was, I was joking.

No, no, come on, Chloe back.

Come on, let's backpedal.

I'm just saying, it is more expensive to heat a full house, is what I'm saying.

And it kind of.

You're not a sitcom.

Why'd you keep calling it a full house?

Okay, a, you know, a house is full.

But he's saying it like it's a stately home, you know, when they had to have all the fires on.

I've lived in, like, it's got wings.

I've lived in flats my entire life.

Yeah, we get it.

Man of the people.

Oh, God.

Look at the violin.

Oh, my God.

I'm just trying to explain why I didn't judge my heating bill properly.

Anyway, my God.

Welcome to my Dad Rottoporno.

It's chapter two time.

Look, let's clear the out.

Your house is lovely.

Thank you.

Put the heating on.

Do you want me to put it on now?

I can go put it on now.

Sorry.

I'm just dabbing my nose because it's so cold.

Sorry, Robert.

Can you catch a cold?

From cold.

Yeah, I think so.

Yeah, I think famously.

It's my toes, you know, when you don't.

You can't beat it.

Yeah, that's very convenient.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Next time, thick socks.

Yeah, absolutely.

I took my trainers off.

That was a mistake, wasn't it?

Gloves.

No, honestly, I just tried to use my phone.

It couldn't detect my fingers.

So what have you both been up to?

I could see my breath open.

Is this all part of that little Lord...

What would you call me again?

Fontleroy.

Fontleroy, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Because you always make out as if I live in some country pile.

It's just a house.

It's a very modest house, but I think it's the cake fork stuff from previous times.

It's not so much where you live or how you live.

It's just cold.

It's just cold.

Extremely cold.

There's something on my fridge, actually, that Alice sent me in the post.

And it literally says...

Little Lord Jamie Morton.

Little Lord Jamie Morton.

And then my dad.

It's just his ethos, isn't it?

Little Lord Jamie Morton.

Oh my God, that's such a good.

That's what I'm calling him in future.

Hideous.

I mean, I don't want to go on about the cold, but we haven't even mentioned the noise outside.

No, I don't know why we pretend it's in that kind of rural

deal.

It's like a main road right there.

It's pissing it down with rain.

I know.

So apologies if there is road noise, but there's nothing to be done.

I'm so glad we have that on record.

Remember how mad he used to get if your upstairs neighbours put their fridge on and there was a light hum?

He would look at me and roll his eyes like it was me.

Our standards have dropped somewhat

on the road of this podcast.

Somebody dropping a pin four streets away.

He'd be like, God.

James, can you sort that out?

Anyway, moving on.

Chapter two is upon us.

Are we excited?

Very.

What's it called again?

It's called called The Flying Doctor.

The Flying Doctor, yes.

There was an Australian TV series called The Flying Doctors, which I used to really enjoy.

Are you kidding me?

Very good.

I think because he's lopped off the S, we might be alright.

We're fine.

Yeah, so Belinda's escaped from the hot air balloon and has ended up God knows where.

George and Bish are still stuck in it, very ill.

Very ill.

Deathly poorly.

Disgustingly so.

Do we think, I mean, we kind of know, don't we, that she's going to be fine, but it didn't sound in real terms, in real life, like she could topple out of that and survive.

Yeah, yeah, I don't think we could gauge quite from what height she was jumping from.

True, um, well, I guess there's only one way to find out, and that is to get a read-in.

Oh, my teeth are chattering, I can't tell if I'm excited or cold.

Oh, god, I roll.

Okay, Belinda Blinked Six, Chapter Two: The Flying Doctor.

Blumenthal's timing was near perfect as she rolled onto the scrub and dust like a true spy pro.

Okay, so we're outback, Australian outback, I assume, because we're still in the scrub and dust.

Oh, yeah, she's not in Europe or

Cancun.

Yeah.

Yeah, so she's got out of the hot air balloon, so she's safe.

She's done a drop and roll by the sound.

Well, you say she's safe, but I mean, the middle of Australia is very, very sparsely populated.

So, I mean, if she's not near a town.

Yeah, you almost hope there's a flying doctor nearby or something.

I hadn't even thought of that.

God, yeah.

I mean, you could hope, but I doubt it.

Her eyes darted around the infertile landscape.

Finally, getting dizzy, she landed on a tin shack where she longed for some cold shards on tap.

Well, lower your expectations.

Water would be nice.

You're not going to get...

I'm not picturing it very well.

So she's rolling around.

She lands on a tin shack.

No, no, no.

She's landed in the outback.

Yeah.

And she's looking, her eyes are rolling around or something.

Darting around.

Darting around, yeah.

She's darting around.

and they focus on the shack got you sorry.

Yeah, it's better if you act it out.

Thanks, but she's getting dizzy, so she's like

but she finally found a shack.

Thank God smashing the rusty lock and chain with a bit of gold-bearing oar she entered with a gold-bearing oar.

A bit of gold-bearing ore.

What does that mean?

Is ore a rock?

You mean O-R-E?

Yeah.

Oh, not gold-bearing ore.

Shock and ore.

Gold-bearing oar.

Something to row the boat with.

No, it's, I think it's...

Where's she got some gold-bearing ore?

So she's got a big lump of gold in her her hands i guess it's in the scrub and dust where has she landed what is this absolute hotbed so she entered

how easy is this it's a trap blumenthor hissed but she knew spoons would be proud she gritted her teeth she vowed personally to avenge his death no matter the costs

No conviction from Jamie there.

Sorry.

I was thinking there should be an and in there.

She gritted her teeth.

She vowed personally.

No, okay.

I just read as it comes.

She gritted her teeth.

She gritted her teeth.

She vowed personally to avenge his death, no matter what the costs.

I think you're both being very unkind.

The door groaned squeakily open, and the naked Blumenthal.

Was she naked?

Maybe the fall from the basket tore her clothes off.

Right, yeah.

I'm sure she had nicks that were chomping through her bum, weren't they?

Oh, maybe the scrub and dust tore it off when she rolled in that.

I don't really understand what scrub and dust is, but it sounds.

It does all sorts of scrub and dust.

It sounds like it could corrode clothing.

So the naked Blumenthal went inside with a ninja stance of preparedness.

Have a day off, Belinda.

Come on.

Talk about paranoid.

Naked as well.

Just ninja stance.

Why?

The place was empty.

No, shit, it was padlocked.

Save for an old radio transmitter.

That's convenient.

The only thing.

How unlikely.

She is one very, very lucky lady.

A radio transmitter.

Yes.

It's repeated in the book, just so you know.

A radio transmitter.

How many times is it repeated?

Blumenthal smiled.

Today was going to be a good day after all.

She clicked her imaginary glass of shards with James Spooner and drank in one.

She's lost the plot.

She has three days in that hot air kit without any food or water and it's really sad.

She's behaving very unusually, even for Belinda.

Somewhere else, the sun.

Anywhere else.

Moving on.

Somewhere else, the sun was blinking off the bluer than bog standard blue sea.

In his slimy, shrunken hands.

Who could it be?

Bish.

Herr Bisch.

Slimy, shrunken hands.

He gets the right viewing over in these books.

I bet he's not even that old or gross.

In his slimy, shrunken hands, Herr Bisch was sipping a cocktail with a fish finger garnish.

Sorry, what?

In the sea.

I can't cope with how quickly he's rushing, like, he's rushing through events.

So, in the time it took Belinda to leave the basket and land in scrub and dust, they've reached the sea.

And got well.

And got a cocktail.

With a fish finger garnish.

Fish finger garnish.

To be fair, a cocktail and a fish finger sandwich right now sounds quite nice, but maybe it sounds like there's a fish finger in the cocktail.

He's thinking like a peritiva.

Yeah, like, yeah.

He's had a cocktail and he's just got a side plate of fish fingers.

James, don't tell me you wouldn't love that.

I mean, yeah, I would order it 100% if it was available, but.

I've been to Italy with you, James.

You love that little snack that you get with a drink there.

George Sylvester.

Oh, they're all there.

George Sylvester was ranting and raving about being betrayed by Blumenthal and Giselle.

As Rocky said to himself in this chapter, I'm not going to refer to Belinda by her first name.

I'm just going to keep calling her Blumenthal.

I see.

Well, he might have said Belinda as well, but I think it started, he called her Blumenthal.

A new name in conventional.

Oh, you're right.

Every single time, time, it's Blumenthal.

Cosh James, well noted.

Thank you.

So, George Sylvester was ranting and raving about being betrayed by Blumenthal and Giselle.

They're unkind, bish.

Unkind.

They've been very mean.

And your goons need a good shaking up.

Well, the goons are all dead, I think.

There's no goons left.

Don't shake the dead goons.

I'm the only one qualified in penetrative insurgency who can find the lost blueprints and get your special one back.

Oh,

Christ.

So

such a fucking yo-yo of back and forth between the companies.

So George is now going to go back into Steels.

Undercover?

Undercover?

How?

How'd you cover that gammy leg?

So wait a sec.

He's an expert in penetrative what?

Penetrative insurgency.

Is that a euphemism or you just literally mean going undercover?

I mean, I mean nothing.

I have no idea what it means.

But dad, I think, just means...

It's far too late to distance yourself from this now.

He's going to have to go in in full prosthetics.

Yeah.

I just can't wait for him to be wandering around Steels and everyone's like, morning, Sarah, or I don't know, however he's

disguised.

So I'm the only one who can find the lost blue prints and get your special one back.

Bish was a hell of a business hare

and his standards were higher than Keith Richards up a coconut tree.

I am gonna need you to explain that to me.

Is that a famous news story?

Keith Richards in a coconut tree.

Coconut.

Let's have a look.

Higher than Keith Richards.

Well,

he likes his drugs or did like his drugs, didn't he?

Keith Richards famously.

So he's high mentally and he's physically high because he's in a coconut tree.

Okay, well you could have said higher than Keith Richards, couldn't you really?

I love that we're googling for a news story about Keith Richards in a coconut tree.

He did fall out of a coconut tree.

Oh my god.

He was holidaying in Fiji.

That was a good thing.

And he and Ronnie Wood decided to explore the same tree.

Explore the same tree.

The consequences were spectacular.

Halfway up, Richards slipped and fell to the ground, severely banging his head in the process.

Oh, I remember he had an attack.

As a young man, is this?

When's this?

No, I think this was quite recent, wasn't it?

I remember him.

One of recent in the context of the Rolling Stones.

Oh, sure, yeah, yeah.

Because they've been around for hundreds of years, yeah.

He was higher than Keith Richards up a coconut tree.

He would never be happy until every citizen in the pots and pans industry were kissing his tight, wrinkly arsehole.

That's what he wants.

Now, I didn't know that was his end goal.

I thought it was something to do with the technology, but this is a horrific master plan.

Who would go near that arsehole?

But wolves.

As we've discussed, you'd pass out before you even got a metre close.

I mean, I'm just putting out that I don't think he's going to achieve that dream.

Dream!

Dream big.

I dream of everyone near my arsehole.

The tri-oxybrillo blueprints were essential for his survival, and he would rather die death than lose in life.

I love the idea that your life's work is to steal somebody else's work.

It's quite relatable, actually.

But it's going to cost you, George continued, another million of your so-called Euros, plus reasonable expenses.

Why does he want Euros?

He lives in Britain.

I'm surprised he's not said francs or Lyra, to be honest.

Yeah.

Vine.

What?

Remember, Vu.

I need the special one alive.

I suspect she has

the dioxyprillo secrets.

And I want them.

You want to von.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game, Day Scratches from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

I'll prize them from a vice-tight vagina if needs be.

Um, George, there are my hand.

George,

you've got three weeks, George.

Three weeks.

Bish scowled as he pressed the send button on his remote online banking application server

so he's got three weeks Georgie I didn't know you could do million Euro transfers that same day you're not you're not operating in the same world James that's true that's true wait till Jamie has to pay his next heating bill yeah

As George left for his mission, the large titted private nurse Gunda.

Oh, hello.

Gunda's back.

Dressed in a petite white medical attire.

I imagine very sexy nurse.

Oh, for sure.

Like the total cliché.

Yeah, wipe clean.

Gunda crawled around Bish.

She whispered in his good ear.

He nodded his gaunt head at her in a sharp jolt.

She was an expert at non-verbal signals, so immediately knew he meant yes.

She's a smart cookie.

All that training.

Nod means yes.

She's an expert in it, did you say?

She's an expert in non-verbal signals.

So immediately knew he meant yes.

In front of him, she spun on her left stiletto heel 360 degrees and a third.

Just did a turnover.

No, and a third.

Oh, sorry, and a tiny third.

The velocity of the g-force made her hair net fly off and bundles of red hair fell down her back and shoulders.

Oh, Gunda.

It was shiny and high-end.

High-end.

Her nurse outfit also fell victim to the forest floor.

They're in a forest by the sea.

Has time passed?

Time has to have passed.

Oh, time's definitely passed.

How much time?

What, right now?

It feels like days.

Somewhat of a slog today, isn't it?

Yeah.

So, her nurse outfit also fell victim to the forest floor, revealing a skin-tight leather-look bodysuit covered in drawings of various insects.

Okay.

I, not in any of my worldly guesses, guesses, would that have been what I thought she was wearing?

Underneath the nurse's outfit.

Skin-tight outfit covered in insects.

Pictures there.

Drawings, yeah.

So it was leather look, bodysuit covered in drawings of insects.

I can't even picture that.

Like, I can't even approximate.

I'm imagining maybe, you know, that Britney Spears video.

Yeah.

That sort of.

A cat suit.

Yeah.

She's not covered in insects.

But then if that catsuit had like drawings of snails on it and stuff.

I don't know.

Why?

I love like, if that video was absolutely batshit, then like that.

Like would lice, you know, something like that.

Do you know what I think it's going to be?

Oh, come on, what?

Camouflage.

What she's doing.

Oh, for the forest.

She lie on the forest floor.

Yeah.

For what?

No more questions at this time.

I like how you're thinking, though.

Good.

Well, where do you get insects?

The forest floor.

Duh.

I hate that you just said that in unison.

I feel like I'm operating in a different plane.

This chap is really weird.

It is.

So anyway, so she's in a bodysuit covered in drawings of various insects.

Bish smiled the sinful grin of a crook.

It's almost like I can taste his breath.

Agent XYZ.

You has finally revealed your true being.

Wow.

Okay, so Gunda was an agent all along.

Sorry, you're saying Gunda like we've met her before.

Yeah, we obviously have, because I'm just picking up on your tone.

But who was she again?

Bish's private private nurse, slash clearly some sort of secret agent.

X, Y, Z, yeah.

Agent X, Y, Z.

Why did you say Z?

What do you mean?

Is it written Z?

Z.

Well, it's written X Y, Z.

Z.

Z.

Oh, is that American Z?

I think so, maybe.

Is that Z?

I would say Z.

Okay.

As would you, Jamie.

Well, clearly not.

Of course, he learnt a different alphabet, like, probably to a different tune as well.

X, Y, Z.

Z.

Z.

X, Y, Z.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J, K, L, P, K, R, X, T, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

That definitely wasn't.

Because it has to rhyme with.

But we didn't learn Z.

But in that rhyme, you would have.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G.

Oh, my God.

Is this episode going to be mainly using in the alphabet?

T U V

W X Y and Z.

So what do you say?

Oh my god, this is going to be such a long episode.

A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, J, J, K, and I'm going to be Q R S, D, U, V, W, X, Y, and Z.

Z, because it rhymes with Z.

But you didn't learn that at school.

Yeah.

Oh, so you're now on my side of the school.

So did you say XYZ or XYZ ABCD E X

U R S D V Z U X Y and Z

so wait do you so you're spelling out a word you've got you've got you've got a number plate in front of you on a car no no no I would say Zed as a British person but in that particular ABC

which we all learnt the ABC from he's just said X Y Z I know

but from if we're basing it on that song it is Z in that song but so So she's called Agent X Y.

What would you say?

I would say Z.

Thank you.

I rest my case, Your Honour.

That was 16 minutes long for an investigation.

Zanga, what am I saying?

Agent Z.

ABC EFG, HIGK, LMNAB E, Q-R-S-D-U-V-W-H-Y-N-Z.

So Agent XYZ, Agent X, Y, Z.

Both.

I'll just mix it up.

So our Agent XYZ,

you have finally arrived.

You finally revealed your true being.

Yeah, hair.

Obey you here.

Forever here.

Not all there, is she?

She's not all there.

Is she trying to say sir?

Like, yes, sir.

Yeah, I think so.

But it's mister, isn't it?

So she's saying, yes, mister.

Yes, mister.

Obey you, mister.

Forever, mister.

Agent XYZ shouted robotically.

Sexy.

Oh, is she a robot, do we think?

He husked.

Well, we'll see if the robot can do sexy.

I'm too nervous to even laugh at that because there's a real chance that she is.

XYZ tossed her flaming hair down her bum and allowed her big tits to pout.

Pouting tits.

To go together, I guess, in a kind of like, ooh, yeah.

Do you know what I'm getting?

Jessica Rabbit vibes?

Certainly from Jamie's performance in the room, yeah.

I mean, he has red hair that tumbles down his back, so this sort of plays to his strength.

Do I?

At the moment, because you've not got your hair clips in.

Before I knew, I was a homosexual man.

Sure, yeah.

Sorry to come out like that.

I think that's the first time I've ever heard it on record.

Yeah.

Don't know if I've talked about it before.

Congratulations, James.

I really had the hots for Jessica Rabbit.

You do like a glamorous woman, though, still to this day.

Yes, there was just something about her.

Her bitchy persona, maybe.

She's quite sassy.

Yeah, sassy is a good word, yeah.

Can you be a homosexual man?

You can probably still fancy rabbits.

I think there was a lot of cartoons.

Honestly, you can fancy anything.

I don't think that's in contradiction to your status.

We might have talked about it before, but there were a lot of cartoons I fancied, both male and female, when I was younger.

But I think you're right.

I think I was more attracted with Jessica Rabbit, just her like voluptuous, kind of sexy confidence was attracted.

Confidence, yeah.

Oh, yeah, it was a confidence you were.

Lots of people fancy because of her confidence.

So she's being sexy.

So,

yeah,

hair,

I'll be bay you hear,

fire.

You have made her incredible vibrato.

It's quite a skill to make someone wholly unappealing like that.

Everyone that Jamie does has an air of being incredibly old.

Yeah.

Biz jizzed in his lap.

Bish jizzed.

You said Biz jizzed.

Makes more sense.

Bish jizzed in his lap like in a a naughty dream.

From that, regaining his delirium, Bish spoke the language of hate.

My

exceptional one.

Oh god, there's grades of special, exceptional.

Once I have this special character with the blueprints,

you

will

kill

Georgie Boji.

Oh, now that is a twist.

Why?

So

it's a bit like the woman who ate a spider to catch the fly.

So he sent George to kill Giselle and Agent XYZ slash Z to kill George.

But we have to have Giselle first.

He doesn't want to pay George, maybe.

But he's already transferred the money.

Oh, yeah.

That'll be clear in two hours.

Maybe it's doing it in installments.

Right.

So once he has the special traitor, you will kill Georgie Podgy.

Agent XYZ sneered a deliciously evil smile that could cut glass and smash mirrors.

That's a good old smile, isn't it?

And as well.

You will capture me, Belinda, the bitch of Blumenthal.

I have unfinished business with her titties.

He just wants every.

He's so greedy.

What do you want?

The house of Blumenthal.

He's got quite the shopping list, hasn't he?

So, capture Giselle, get the blueprints, then kill George, get Belinda.

I mean, we don't know what happens to Agent XYZ, then.

He probably sends someone after her.

It's a never-ending cycle.

And what about the goons?

There's a whole goon spin-off, I think.

It's like minions.

You know, they did minions movies.

Yeah.

Agent XYZ cackled.

This terror-laced lullaby made Bish snooze off in his deck chair.

Covered in his own jizz.

So he just came and then she laughed and he fell asleep.

In the baking heat, we imagine.

With a ruthless gait, Agent XYZ marched out of the lair, understanding of her orders perfectly.

The lair?

Where are we?

Oh, fine, they're in Bish's Australian lair.

Oh, fine, yeah.

They're in Bish's Australian Forest Beach Bar Lair.

I'd spend more time there than that gross schlosch.

After many attempts, Miss Blumenthal had managed to get in touch with the local flying doctor.

Right, so we're going back and forth in time here.

Using an over-the-intercom diagnosis, he deduced she was dehydrated and in need of multivitamins.

You need a baroca.

I mean, doesn't everybody need a multivitamin?

I've really got into my vitamins with all the kind of stuff that's been going on.

Vitamin D every day.

Lovely.

I have a multivitamin dissolvable tablet in the morning you strike me as a vitamin girl i'm not actually but that's just me being thrifty because it's an expensive business the vitamin business oh it's a racket i don't think i don't think it's worth paper threading on that

endorsement to condemning it in about five seconds um so she was dehydrated and in need of multivitamins but otherwise nothing too serious however protocol stated he'd have to come and execute some internal lookovers

Not wanting to hurt the flying doctor's wife, Miss Blumenthal had found a very old and very hole-damaged pair of dungarees.

That's a sexy look to be fair.

Oh my god, yeah.

Right?

But they would do.

And she could hold her hand over the left breast area which had completely rotted away.

I was going to say, let me guess where the holes are.

The nipples, the vadge, the bum.

The sound of a small aeroplane got louder and slower.

That was quick.

And the flying doctor...

He's flying.

Yeah, he's flying.

He's not teleporting.

And the flying doctor made a perfect landing in the scrub and dust.

From a cloud of small rocks, the dock made his way across to Miss Blumenthal and simply said, Good day.

Good day.

The flying doctor looked like he'd be more at home in Mr.

O'Gregor's garden than the outback.

Who's Mr.

O'Gregor?

Mr.

O'Gregor.

Mr.

McGregor from Peter Rabbit?

Oh, is that what he means?

O'Gregor.

Has he made him Irish?

Probably.

Is there another famous Gregor?

Ewan McGregor?

In Ewan McGregor's garden?

He looked like he'd be more at home in Mr.

O'Gregor's garden than the Outback.

He had a nose as long as a crooked carrot and hair like a cauliflower.

A nose as long as a carrot.

Wow.

I've been thinking about that.

That's sort of like

Pinocchio.

He had a nose as long as a crooked carrot and hair like a cauliflower.

What a hunk, Belinda thought.

Yes, sounds it.

Switz woo.

She was entranced.

It doesn't take much.

These two days were the longest she'd gone without a fondle, and her fanny was itching for action.

I don't think they itchy.

Itchy fanny.

The doc proffered his right hand and they both shook earnestly.

Miss Blumenthal's heart was pumping.

She let her left hand slip in her excitement and her tit hung out as if it were a tongue needing a very cold beer.

A tit that looks like a tongue.

The doc smiled and said, Call me L.

Everyone else does.

Belinda blinked.

Doc Al was very thorough, and within three minutes of his examination, he noticed she was fine.

But she was, oh, so wet, was this new patient of his in the vaginal region.

Oh.

Indeed, he also clocked her magnificent mammary attributes.

Long, sexy leg muscles, beautifully flowing black hair, seductive ass and wonderfully prehensile-shaped toes.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day, Scratchers, from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Hubber, hubba.

Prehensile Toes and their presence in modern-day women was his PhD degree at Money Ash University, and he dearly would have liked to continue on to research.

Monash University is a real university, isn't it?

Oh, is it?

What's he called it?

Money Ash.

Yep, Monash University, Melbourne.

His degree was in what, sorry?

Prehensile Toes and Their Presence in Modern modern-day women.

That's a very specific degree, isn't it?

I guess PhDs are quite specific, though, aren't they?

You know, you're absolutely right.

I guess what I meant to say, what a weird...

So that's what he's a doctor in.

Yes.

So he's not a doctor doctor.

Right.

He's not a medical doctor.

He's like Jill Biden.

Still a doctor.

Still a doctor by name.

Are modern women more...

Well, I'll have to read his thesis, I suppose.

Are modern women more prone to prehensile toes?

When you say prehensile toes.

What exactly are we talking about?

Like toes that can pick stuff up.

Right.

Like mine actually can.

Can you get right with a pen with your toes?

I wouldn't say I could write with them, but I can pick up items with them.

We've got a case study here, ladies and gentlemen.

Let's see.

Pink toes out for the lads.

Okay.

So give me a pen, for example.

Oh, oh.

They're a little blue because it's so cold in here.

There's a pen in the east wing.

But you should just put it on the bench.

Okay.

Oh.

And I can just mosey it on wherever I want to go.

Let's get paper and see if she can write her name.

Well, it's clearly more common than we thought.

Give me a bit paper.

Let's see if I can write.

Okay, what are you going to try and write your name?

Do you want to do it on the floor?

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, wow.

Joined up writing.

That is foul.

Cursive with the toes.

Let me see.

Hold it up.

Oh my God.

That's better than my handwriting.

I was going to say.

Dr.

Al would have a field day with you, wouldn't he?

I actually didn't know that was going to go as well.

I mean, I don't like the image that's on Google Images for prehensile toes.

I like to think mine are a bit nicer than that.

If you want to get a scare, honestly, put prehensile toes in.

Second picture, crikey.

So he would have dearly liked to have continued onto research, but past student loans had called a halt to his academic desires.

But to meet a potential specimen such as this, well, he'd have to cultivate her.

Oh, he would go with her.

I'd love you.

Can you imagine?

Yeah.

Whatever the cost.

Use the old cliché if needed.

In the name of science.

The old cliché.

Do you want to sleep with me?

In the name of science.

Roll over on your tummy, please.

Masturbate with your hand between your legs.

Oh my god.

Sorry?

What?

God, in the name of science.

In the name of science.

Roll over onto your tummy, please.

Masturbate with your hand between your legs whilst I...

Is there another way?

Measure your toes, ma'am.

Blumenthal smiled and said, You can call me Belinda Blumenthal, International Sales Director of Steels, Pots and Pans, Al.

Little does she know, she's been

the title has been swiped away from her.

Oh, yeah, no longer relevant.

And be careful I don't squirt.

It's been one of those days.

Al blinked.

It's been a squirty kind of day.

It's a squirty kind of day.

He then laughed and thought if anyone as dehydrated as Belinda could squirt, then he'd run for state governor.

What's happening?

I also like that it's peppered with a little bit of Australian politics, Auyless.

Thanks for the warning, Belinda.

I'll just duck if necessary.

Duck?

Duck.

Why is she face down?

How's she going to squirt over his head backwards?

Yeah, I mean.

No, come on.

Meanwhile, as Belumenthal played with herself, Al put his PhD in toes to good use and took some dimensions.

Doc Al stripped off and gently took out Belinda's throbbing pussy.

Took it out?

What does that mean?

Oh took it out of the dungarees?

Yes, let's say that.

Oh so she's got a hand down the dungarees, not she's just I'm being incredibly generous but yeah I think that could be it.

Although she did say watch out I might squirt so that doesn't really follow does it but so he gently took gently took out Belinda's throbbing pussy.

With his penis enlarging by the second he penetrated her vulva, just managing to rub her clitoris as he entered and sent her into a deep orgasm.

I like not waiting to be fully erect, though.

Like just getting larger.

Let's go for it now.

Wow.

Prehensile toad.

Wow.

Prehensile toad.

Wow.

Prehensile toads are really gross.

Wow.

Prehensile toad women were so satisfying.

This cannot be ethical as part of his research.

No.

It's not really necessary as part of his research.

Well, his PhD's done.

He can't continue it because of the loans issue.

Well, so maybe he's just kind of doing ad hoc case studies when he can.

But the thesis says what?

He has to sleep with them to work out if modern women with prehensile toes are what.

What's the kind of...

Yeah, better in bed, more adventurous.

What's the hypothesis?

Can write their name in joined up writing.

I wouldn't be surprised if we get quite a lot of emails about that, guys.

He threw her brazia to the side and...

Wait, all she had on was dungarees.

I find myself bubbling with anger at this train.

Yeah.

It's really, really, even for Rocky, not making a great deal of sense.

It's a dragon.

So he threw her brazier to the side and started licking Blumenthal all over.

Stop calling a Blumenthal.

That's really bothering me now you've pointed that out.

She screeched as his full depth hit her, and she immediately orgasmed again.

This was a multiple orgasm situation.

Oh, right.

And it was lovely.

Just lovely.

Needing to mix things up, the dock pulled out of of her front bottom and began to enter the back one.

It gave a different feel, but was still magic.

He did what, sorry?

He pulled out of the front bottom

and began to enter the back one.

Front to back.

Doc owl.

I think calling yourself doctor in this context suggests you are a medical doctor.

Particularly doc.

I think doctor's fine.

It's the doc owl.

Like I say, he could well be one, but it feels like he is just dining out on that half-finished PhD.

So he's not even PhD.

He's not even a PhD.

He's not even a qualified doctor.

Yeah.

He's just a man called Owl with a plane

who likes feet.

Doc Owl was giving it his all.

So much so that his fluffy hair was getting wetter and wetter and slapping to his rectum red forehead.

Rectum red.

I didn't think of it as fluffy when it was cauliflower hair.

Sorry.

Rectum red as a colour.

I can't wait to see it.

Is that like a pushed me?

Is that a paint colour or something?

How red is a rectum?

Well, I imagine with rectum red, it's more of a pinkish kind of of pinkishy red.

Okay.

Because they're not like, he's thinking of a baboon, isn't he?

But

they're not bright red, are they?

Well, no, that's baboon's rectum red.

Baboon's rectum red.

So he's gone from the front to the back.

And because his head's now rectum red, Belinda got worried, so pushed him out of her and spoke.

Doc Al,

prove to me you can lick my ass out better than any soft wipe.

Oh!

One thing we know for sure, I don't know what's going on in this book, but we know that Rocky likes rimming.

He's really

embraced it in a way that is just.

There's no ambiguity there.

He's just, he's a breast man.

He's the bum man.

The thing is, I don't like the implication of like the cleaning aspect of it.

The thoroughness as well.

Yeah.

What's the matter, Jane?

What could possibly be the matter?

I've been...

As you know, I've been resisting this as a kind of a realisation for a while because I do think that, you know, Spooner was just getting his bum kissed.

This is very much.

Oh, this, yeah, this is rimming.

Yeah, you can't deny this is rimming.

This is rimming.

This is rimming.

This is rimming in your face.

That is gazing at a rectum red rectum.

I wonder if, in like normal times, he would have done some kind of market research because he knows what the people like.

Like, that's gonna, it's gonna tantalise that scene, isn't it?

Is it?

You better believe it, James.

You are gonna see some correspondence which says, Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I feel seen.

I feel seen.

So, Doc, I'll prove to me you can lick my ass out better than any soft wipe.

But he didn't seem too keen.

So, Belinda.

Do you mind if I don't?

I'd rather not.

I also hate in a sexual scenario, prove the following.

It's like, it's quite a lot of pressure.

I don't want to be too graphic, but like, it's three days

since she's had a shower or a wash.

But she hasn't eaten a thing.

Nothing has passed her lips.

I don't care.

Would you?

No.

Would you?

Non-committal.

Would you?

I think you'd want to hose somebody down, wouldn't you?

Oh my God.

Come on.

Sorry, that's not a euphemism.

That's saying you'd actually want to hose somebody down.

Literally.

He didn't seem too keen, so Blumenthal took matters into her own brain.

For once.

For the first time.

I think that's our first time.

Seeing as she was down under, why not do the same?

And pleasure the perineum.

Okay.

Al.

Of the perineum of Al.

She flipped the flying doctor PhD over and dragged her long nails across his lower carriageway with ease.

She kept at it, scuttling her claws up and down as if touch-typing.

He was a stranger to the act and consequently it made him come buckets and buckets.

So she's flipped him.

He's a quite large-grown man with a cauliflower forehead.

She's flipped him over and gone scuttle, scuttle, nails, nails, and then...

She's just tickling him with her hand.

On his perineum.

On his perineum.

On his.

On his.

Well, I got the gooch.

Taint.

Taint, perineum, perineum, gooch, undercarriage.

I'm not saying it's false advertising, but if you would say, as we're down under, I think I should go down under, and then you just tickled someone, you'd be a bit like,

hey, but Alex, if that's what gets the job done, well, it clearly has.

Why overstretch yourself?

Absolute buckets.

Buckets and buckets.

Two buckets fulls.

So much for the outback being dry.

Blumenthal laughed hysterically.

That's not going to irrigate the plants, everything.

Oh, God.

Water, water everywhere, but not a drop of water.

Depends what you're into.

After he had stopped panting, sweating, and ejaculating, Doc Al suggested they get back to Sydney Town Centre, Pronto.

Town centre.

Offended.

Full city.

The CBD.

His Airbus flyer was very fast.

He's got an Airbus.

Aren't they like jumbo jets?

I thought it was like a little land plane.

It's an Airbus flyer.

We've got a land flyer on the end.

Defuck is an Airbus flyer.

So sorry, they deliver the Guardian in a de Havilland, whatever the fuck that was called, and a flying doctor is in a jumbo jet.

So Doc Al suggested they get back to Sydney town centre Pronto.

His Airbus flyer was very fast and in two shakes of a cat's ass they were there.

In two shakes of a cat's ass they were in Sydney town centre.

They'd landed in an Airbus in Sydney town centre.

So they really can't be far away.

You're not baffled by the fact they've managed to find a landing centre?

I'm baffled by all of it.

So in two shakes of a cat's ass, they were there.

He shook her hand once more on the tarmac and left her be.

What to do now?

She wondered lostly.

Get back to London?

Blumenthal

blinked.

Don't say it like it's dramatic.

And that is the end of this chapter.

And please let us never speak of it again.

That is the end of my patience.

Two questions for you, mainly for James, because Jamie will be like, well, I think what is trying.

I believe it's a metaphor.

We're never going to meet Dr.

Al again, are we?

I hope not.

I really hope not.

Secondly, other than letting us know that Belinda was alive and horny, what was the point of all of that?

Okay, well.

No, you dared.

No, don't you dare.

Don't you bloody dare keep your mouth shut.

Yeah, right.

Put the heating on and keep your mouth shut.

The heat is on.

It's lovely now, isn't it?

Oh, it has got a bit more toasty.

It is toasty.

Can you turn it off, actually?

It's too hot.

Two things we learned: okay.

Belinda's got back to Sydney, so I'm sure she's slowly on her way back to London.

Fucking hell to hurry up.

Secondly, we now know Bisha's plan for the rest of the book, presumably, or for the future.

That's what I was going to say before I was, you know, silenced by you two.

I think the agent.

I was silent.

I was silenced.

Everyone do the hand gesture.

Silenced.

No, I think that

I think Agent XYZ slash Z is a really monumentous moment in the books.

Is monumentous a word?

Monumental?

Momentous?

It's a combination.

Okay, I'm now silent.

Go on.

Fuck off.

It's a phenomenal combination of the two.

It really is monumentous.

Son of Rocky, everyone.

Well, we're only two chapters in, and the listeners probably have as many questions as I do.

Oh, for sure.

So if you do want to get in contact with us, I'm really happy to talk about any of the issues that have been raised through this episode.

So you can tweet us at Dadrotaporno.

MyDadWrote on Instagram.

And you can email us at mydadrotaporno at gmail.com.

Also worth mentioning that if you've enjoyed this trip around the world, we will be getting on an Airbus flyer ourselves and recommencing the tour in 2022.

Yes, all being well, we'll finally get to celebrate Belinda's 30th birthday.

Woo-hoo!

Years later than planned, but never mind.

Just go to mydadrotaporno.com forward slash live to find out all the dates and to get your tickets.

And and we will see you there i hope very relatable think how many people have delayed their 30th exactly come party with us yeah so we'll see you next week i don't know about you but i need a drink oh definitely jaby you got any fish fingers

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game, Day Scratches from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase play or claim.

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