Best of Book Five

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Hello, and welcome to my dad Rota Porno.

It's been a while, guys, hasn't it?

Alice and James, how are you both?

This is such a treat.

I know, so nice to see you.

Good to see you too.

Now, before we open up Belinda Blink 6, we're going to relive Belinda Blink 5.

Which is good because I've done a bit of an Alice and I've completely forgotten most of it.

Well, I've done a bit of a James and been a total swap and revised up on it, but only half-assed and gone about halfway.

So I'm going to be like, really, really up on it.

And then it gets like episode seven or eight, and I'll be like, doesn't ring a bell.

I mean, that's when it fell off anyway, so I think we're fine.

And they do say before you move on into the future, you need to relive past traumas and get through them so that you can move ahead.

So this is so that we hopefully don't repeat toxic behaviours or bad patterns.

Okay, fine.

Jamie,

we had to turn the mics mics on immediately because we just noticed something about you when we sat down.

Okay, so...

Are you wearing hair clips?

Right, okay.

The thing is...

Got hair clips in.

No.

You look beautiful, but I just...

I've never seen you wear hairpins before.

Why's they got flowers on?

We've been in lockdown for so long.

Everyone in the UK hasn't been able to go to the barbers for literally about half a year at this point.

And new to the salon.

So, and my hair, because it's such a kind of mad, curly mess.

You wanted to try a new look?

I just had to.

No, I'm trying to retain the look that I have normally which is one side shorter and so I'm trying to like keep it down on one side with some

you flattened your hair with about

I can count three clips.

I think it's

so everybody can picture it.

It's sort of a Shirley Temple kind of vibe isn't it?

Like it's kind of

like a young star you know kind of a different era isn't it?

There's a sort of retro chanting.

It's the fact they were just unannounced.

He knew we'd see them.

And then you found one on the floor so he's been doing it for

months.

Honestly I keep forgetting that I have them in and I go to bed and I wake up with hairpins in my bed.

It's all I just feel so but I just wish I'd known.

But we've been doing Zooms for so long and it doesn't really show up.

He'll be wearing one of those ones that art teachers wear.

I think they're called a bulldog clip.

You know those ones that like where the teeth go into each other?

I thought these were the most kind of subtle ones that I could have gotten.

They're very discreet.

Because you can get those butterfly ones.

You can get you can get, there was a whole range on it.

Oh, it's a butterfly, isn't it?

It's a butterfly clip, I'm thinking of it.

Right, I feel like he's one step away from a scrunchie.

They're bobby pins.

Bobby pins.

That's what they're called.

It's unmanageable.

It's really bringing me down, actually.

How we've all changed since we were last year.

This is the thing.

It's been a Pots and pandemic.

It's just been awful.

And now we're having to live with the consequences.

I just wish you'd warned us that he was doing it.

So we could be...

What if James came in with a buzz cut?

You would take your breath away, wouldn't it?

But this is just...

All they're doing is

blame points at them with a flat hand.

There's such a delicate hand on them.

Oh, God.

I don't know.

Maybe they use them in the club theatre when they have to wig up or something.

I don't know.

In the wig room.

Anyway, back to book five well it all got a bit complicated in book five didn't it it got really like really dense story-wise which is something I never thought I'd say about Rocky Plintstone this was the kind of the genre book really this is where we went deep into the world of espionage and the detail I'm sure like true spies would agree was incredibly inaccurate

so it feels like we should go back to the beginning of the book and kind of work out the plot for me okay and for the listeners right so well it all started with the aftermath of the bomb in the car park of Steelers and Pounds.

Of course.

And we remember everyone was scattered and we didn't know who was alive, who was dead.

Yeah, and the book actually started with Belinda in heaven, if you recall.

Oh, my God.

And there were a few other people with her.

So, Mrs.

Huddlesbird was knocking back shots with Nelson Mandela.

Freddie Mercury was teaching Anne Boleyn the Charleston shuffleback.

Come on.

And Dick Van Dyke was humming alone by the lose.

Oh, Dick Van Dyke's dead.

Dick Van Dyke's alive.

He's alive.

No, he's not.

It sent him to an early grave.

To be fair, he is nearly dead.

It's honestly not dead.

He's so making films.

He's just Mary Bobbins.

And he's Mary Bobbins.

Oh my God.

Well, in dad's world, he's gone.

And at last, check still with us, thank goodness.

Yeah, I was going to say, he's now 95.

Oh, wow.

Have you seen his wife?

A lovely wife.

I have seen his wife, James Cooper.

Do not look at at me that way.

She's.

A tad younger?

Just a tad.

47 years younger.

No, she's not.

Sorry, 46 years younger.

Quite the age gap.

Just a number.

Exactly.

46 years, 46 years.

Come on.

And Dick Van Dyke's young at heart.

Well, precisely.

It's how you feel, isn't it?

Also, I thought you guys would like this little tidbit of information.

Do you know that Shane Van Dyke directed and stars in Titanic 2, which I'm sure you would both enjoy if you haven't already?

Titanic 2.

What's the Titanic 2?

Oh, yes.

What?

It's the, I think, unofficial.

I mean, James Cameron, not involved.

As you imagine, Leonardo Caprio Kitwins not involved

But yeah 100 years after the original disaster.

Yes, they build another luxury liner called Titanic 2 and they set sail along the same path.

Well, that seems like an absolute mistake.

Then a looming iceberg.

Well, you can imagine the rest.

It doesn't go well.

Another iceberg?

I think it's another iceberg.

Oh my god.

And what this is set in what?

2012 then?

Yes.

And very good.

And I think like climate change means there's a big wave and stuff.

Oh a wave and an iceberg.

I think they're fine with the iceberg because they prepped in advance for that because they were like, let's not fall for that again.

They closed the bunkheads early.

That's what they did.

How have I not seen this film?

You would love it.

You know how We Love the Room with Tommy Wizard?

Oh, yes.

Well, I think Shane, yeah, writes it, directs it, wrote the theme, too, etc.

And Shane is what, the son of

grandson, I believe.

Okay, and who is he in it as well?

Is he the star?

I mean, is he the star?

He stars in it.

Okay, yes, okay.

He's a leading role.

Yes, precisely.

Okay, what a gifted family.

Honestly.

Who knew?

I didn't know your Van Dijk knowledge was so wide-ranging.

Well, it wasn't at the time, but after Rocky falsely accused him of being dead, I felt like I should do my research, lest we do that again.

And as Lynn said, very, very much alive, the most alive person he's ever met.

So I think he'll be with us for a while.

Spry, as I believe, you said.

I just love, I love that.

image of heaven.

I think that's one of the best depictions of heaven I've ever seen.

But of course she didn't stay there.

She came, she was pulled back to earth.

Her Her time, it wasn't her time.

It wasn't her time, she wasn't ready to die.

But who was about to die was Bella, if we recall that.

Yes.

Do I?

And she was in the coma and then had to be attended by a doctor.

Dr.

Studd?

Dr.

Studd.

Dr.

Studd beckoned Belinda to sit down.

Dr.

Studd.

This is a proper porno.

What appears to be the issue, Dr.

Studd?

Are you going to put your thermometer in me, Dr.

Studd?

I've been a very naughty girl.

No, it's not naughty.

You're naughty in hospitality.

That's present.

Very sickly.

I've got thrush, Dr.

Studd.

I've got a low platelet camp, Dr.

Stud.

My blood pressure's all over the shop, Dr.

Studd.

I've got this unusual dermatological issue, Dr.

Studd.

Okay, you two are enjoying this way, way too much.

God, we really need Dr.

Studd for all she was.

We were like, what's every possible scenario of Dr.

Studd?

Let's say them all.

I apologise for getting the gender of Dr.

Studd wrong.

But actually, we both did.

Well, you did it first.

I listened back.

You introduced Dr.

Studd being a boy.

You introduced Dr.

Studd being a man.

You seeded that, John.

Wow, I didn't realise you were listening back so you could weaponise the material, Alice, and accuse me of some rank chauvinism.

What are the statute of limitations on that?

Because I have the evidence and you let me fall for it.

You let me fall.

Because, yeah, we just assumed it was a a man.

Because Dr.

Studd, to be fair, studd.

Yeah, and it was a woman.

And Rocky flipped our expectations completely.

And the good thing is, Dr.

Studd saved Bella.

Fantastic.

Yeah, it was kind of by having sex on top of her, wasn't it?

Yeah, I think she kind of like honey-lingoed her out of her coma.

It was nice.

And then I think, like, literally, as soon as she woke up, like, sent her out, was like, you can go home.

Yeah, outpatient.

And then we went to the safe house with Monty, the grandmaster of the keys, or something.

Yes, so sorry, just for a bit of extra context.

So the safe house was where the confidential order of Cookware Knights were hiding.

After the bomb had gone off, you know, they were like, we're all under threat here.

So they found an anonymous house and all basically lived there together, almost like Big Brother.

And the cocks are all of the people from Steels and also the Duchess.

And Paddy the Barman.

And Paddy the Barman.

And their aim is what again?

Yeah, that's what I don't think ever became clear.

Because obviously the blueprints had been stolen.

Was this the thing?

No, no, Slint had been stolen who had

the blueprint in his head.

In his anciently head.

Right.

So yeah, why do they have to hide?

Well, because

the threat was real, clearly, because there was a bomb.

I disagree.

And I think they were all working together to save steals.

It seems to be like some sort of offshoot of steels.

Right.

Like some department.

Steals plus.

And they were protecting steals from Bish.

I mean, they were hiding in the safe house, but they were also having a lot of sex in the safe house.

Well, what's the safe house for?

One particular

move, shall we say?

A new sex act,

was quite disgusting.

Wanna try the hump and skunk?

Maeve asked them.

I dread to think what that is.

What dark magic was this?

Tony thought aloud.

Oh, wait, skunks.

Skunks bums.

That's what I thought.

Oh, no.

Oh, don't.

I would say that's the most famous thing about a skunk.

What dark magic was this?

Tony thought aloud.

Maeve laughed heavily at Tony's sexual ineptitude.

It's simple.

Her teeth tittered.

You hump one of us while the other is eating the- while eating...

Sorry.

Oh my god.

A sandwich.

Please.

What a time to hesitate.

Disgusting.

Sorry, you are one of us while the other is eating.

Eating what?

Finish your sentence!

No, don't make me, please.

Eating Alice.

What?

A skunk.

You hump one of us while eating the other's asshole until full.

Until full?

What does that mean?

I've never got over until full.

No, the portion control element of it is really intense, isn't it?

I mean, we never, we're very sex positive here.

So obviously, if you hump and skunk, go wild in the aisles.

But I think it's the fact that your dad has created that move.

And I presume that that's not got a name.

I'm sure that's not a copyright issue, is it?

That's not a move that already exists with a name.

No, I think you googled it at the time, and it was.

It didn't have an urban dictionary entry, but now it does.

Oh, does it now?

Someone's done it.

Oh, that's good.

Oh, my God.

So many people have entered it.

During a threesome involving at least one male or female with a sizable strap on, you hump one of them while eating the other's asshole until completely full, they've had to do it.

Oh.

Just rimming.

I mean, it's not technically rimming, is it?

It's a different thing.

It's rimming while fucking.

But what I mean is with rimming.

You don't consume anything.

You don't consume anything.

Maybe the full, to give Rocky some.

Is metaphorical.

Yeah, it's like full of

love.

Lust.

Oh, I've just lost it all.

Full of joy.

I mean, a great bit of branding, though.

The hump and skunk sounds fantastic.

It swept the nation.

I don't know what's more offensive, the hump and skunk or my Maeve accent.

That was actually a lot.

Although not the worst example in that book of

your vocal stylings, I think you know what I'm talking about.

What do you mean?

Do you mean Geramaima Saint Frost?

A fan favourite.

Because obviously Belinda went to get some,

what was it, acting training?

She went to get training as a spy, yeah.

Well, she went to Rads, of course, rather than Rada.

Yes.

Because we could never mention Rada in the book.

And it's a fiction.

What does it stand for?

Royal Academy of Drama and Stuff and stuff.

That was it.

I mean,

emphasis very much on the stuff because there's not much acting going on there.

But Belinda did pass the acting test with degree?

She's only there an hour.

Doctorate with Flying Colours.

Oh my god, Belinda, fuck me sideways and up the wall.

Jesus Christ.

Screeched Frost first.

Belinda did as Belinda does.

Belinda did as Belinda does and

And Jeremima St.

Frost First was gagging for it, all delirium and hum.

Do you want to know a secret?

Belinda spoke onto her fizzing face.

Oh my God.

Yes

Please do tell all

moaned the acting mistress.

I don't find find you attractive.

She was acting!

And that was.

You're an ugly bitch.

Surprise.

And that's the end of the performance.

Oh,

Belinda.

So he's like, I don't find you attractive.

You

are truly an actress for the ages.

give that woman an offshoot

and we're back live during a flex alert dialed in on the thermostat oh we're pre-cooling before 4 p.m folks and that's the end of the third time to set it back to 78 from 4 to 9 p.m Clutch move by the home team what's the game plan from here on out laundry not today dishwasher sidelined what a performance by team California The power truly is ours.

During a flex alert, pre-cool, power down, and let's beat the heat together.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question.

Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly.

Must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

Credit where credit's due.

When Rocky wants to do a twist, he really pulls it out of the bag.

That really surprises me.

And the curtain falls.

Oh, standing evasion.

Absolutely incredible.

So she seduced her, but just to show that she had the acting chops.

Yeah.

So funny.

Full name of the acting teacher?

Jeremiah St.

Frost first.

Fantastic.

What a woman.

So So Belinda's now fully trained as a spy.

After that one session, one acting session, she's ready to go.

And then she makes her way to Germany?

I think it was Germany, and another misstep in my voice work.

Well, she has a new persona now, of course.

Oh, yeah, she was Smithy, wasn't she?

She was Smithy, and Spooner was Mr.

T.

Yeah, spelt T-E-A.

T-Spoon.

And what was their mission?

To infiltrate Bish's.

I presume to rescue Slintz.

Yes.

Yeah.

And to get back the blueprints.

But they did run into his personal assistant, Bish's personal assistant, Petra.

I have to say, one of my favourite moments from the entire series was meeting Petra.

If I was thinking about it too long, oh my god, it makes my face hurt.

Hello, I'm Petra, Herr Bish's personal assistant.

I love Petra's assistant.

Oh, we heard about her, didn't we?

We did.

We are sorry to keep you waiting, but I'm afraid Herr Bisch has had one of of his chronic asthma attacks.

Pardon?

Asthma attacks.

Is she having one?

Hello.

Hello.

Hello.

Okay.

Hello.

I'm just talking to the Lord then.

Give me one second.

Beep beep.

Hello, Aunt Petra.

One of his chronic asthma attacks.

She's delirious.

And it's just been rushed to his private hospital.

Jamie's movie lips!

Honestly, are you okay?

Why won't you sound out the words?

One of his chronic asthma attacks

has just been

rushed to his private hospital.

No, his private hospital?

Why is she four years old?

She's just using her words.

However, I'm here, so I have a meet with you both.

I hope you understand.

Oh, isn't it there?

It's my brother.

No, I don't understand.

Sorry, what did you just say?

Not a word.

Sorry.

Stop listening because of your stupid voice.

Could you write it all down?

Sorry, am I ruining it?

Sorry.

You could put a lot of vowels in, however.

It was the longest.

Considering all the other words were so fast.

Shall I read it as just in my own accent?

No, that's quite right.

No, read it one more time and we won't interrupt.

We'll try not to read it.

Yeah,

Petra.

And Petra.

Hello!

And Petra, hereby's personal assistant.

We are sorry to keep you waiting, but I'm afraid Her Bish has had

one of his chronic asthma attacks

and has just been rushed to his private hospital.

He's probably outlooked.

He never.

I'm here, so I will meet with you both.

I hope you understand.

Never has.

I hope you understand it's been more redundant.

Oh my god.

Honestly, I can't breathe.

Ah, Junstein.

German, that was supposed to be.

Sorry, yeah.

Oh, my God.

Ahead Jünstein.

And what was the other ethmer tier?

I can't even.

It's amazing because you almost invented your own accent.

I've never heard that accent before in any country.

It's so erratic.

It's so quick and then slow and then loads of vowels.

I was very relieved that she only appeared in one chapter because I don't think I'm going to ever do it again.

Oh my God.

And what even was her job, PA?

That's the thing.

How is she so memorable?

She was so useless.

Oh, Petra.

What?

I mean, that won't ever not bring me joy.

So while all this was going on as well, Giselle and Tony's brother George,

the one who, the ex-military who just turned up in Warsaw, the mank guy, are working for Bish.

And they'd kidnapped Slintz.

And then...

They had Slintz in like a basement somewhere, a dungeon.

Yeah, and then Giselle accidentally killed him with her vagina.

I hate it when that happens.

And then they got

a call from Bish

to say, come and have dinner with me tonight because Belinda and Spooner had come undercover as insurance people.

Life insurance people'd come to sort a new life insurance insurance policy for the oldest man in the world.

And then Giselle had to pretend that she was ill and she had to, quote, quarantine her ass.

Very apt.

Oh,

very prophetic.

And then they realized that they had to get the hell out of there because they'd just killed Slint and Bish would definitely kill them.

Giselle literally skipped back to the interrogation room and sang

okay, Georgie, poor G

to To the tune-off!

Okay, Georgie Porgy, we have only 40 minutes to get out on the boats.

What's it to the tune-off?

Would you have a better tune that you want to give it to?

Have you just decided that I'll turn it on?

Let's just tune the card

straight to Hades.

I can't bear him doing it again, but he's going to do it again.

Oh my god.

He won't get past 40.

He won't get past it.

Okay, so Giselle literally.

Giselle literally skip back to the interrogation room.

So you get ease over, Georgie Borgie.

He's so excited.

And sang.

Okay, Georgie, poor G, we only have 40 minutes to get out or thereabout pack your stuff and slints.

What is that tune?

Pack your stuff and slints.

What is that tune?

Is it is it the bombarda?

No, but you've changed the tune to fit the really bad lyrics.

Oh my god.

I d I just love the idea that she's just killed slints and like put her life in danger and she's just skipping around singing merrily.

Well, she's potentially a psychopath, isn't she?

She's absolutely not.

Not your stuff and slints.

I mean, if that isn't a mantra for right.

Just Stephen Slintz.

What does that mean?

Pack Slint.

Pack your stuff.

Pack yourself.

I've never thought about that.

That does mean bundle him into a boot, doesn't it?

Do you remember all the remixes we got of the song?

Some very good kind of dance numbers that people made out of that.

Yeah, it is a banger.

I mean, there's no getting around that.

But it just seems like an unusual mood to be in.

I think she was so relieved to have been given a reprieve to get out and save her ass.

They just hate it when he goes into this mode.

He gets really serious faced.

I think what it was, actually, was

she was granted a reprieve, and she was really over the moon about that.

I think what Olik is trying to do is create both light and shade.

And I think at times like this, they've got a moment of levity.

Well, you've got to remember about women's mood, Pinclaw.

And then upstairs there was a meal going on where Belinda and Spooner had joined Bish for dinner.

And this was just sort of the most awkward dinner party ever, wasn't it?

Yeah, I mean we love the hump and skunk, but Rocky also came up with a new word for a Trump.

He did

Bish let out a stinky gentleman woof.

Oh come on.

That's what we're calling a fart.

A gentleman woof.

A gentleman woof.

Oh god But wait, that means it's the focus of the chapter so we're not gonna brush over this quickly.

No, this is gonna linger.

Oh god, it's gonna linger.

Oh no.

A poisonous gentleman woof.

He let out a stinky gentleman woof.

No one laughed.

Oh sorry.

I didn't realise it was for the group.

Um, no one laughed, but they did all wince at the toxic stench of a man not well inside.

Oh my god, I bet it's stank.

I'd just like to firstly apologise for my annoying laugh.

It sounds like it's a fucking tropical bird.

Giddy's a skillet all season.

It's really too late for that.

I just really enjoyed what a kind of florid and very vivid description of the absolutely putrid insides of fish your dad managed to conjure.

Because he was rotten inside, wasn't he?

And then we had quite an interesting escape from that particular setup.

From the schlosh.

From the schlosh, indeed.

When Belinda and Spooner had to

make a run for it through the most unlikely of places,

the duo walked through the doors of a German fast food establishment called It Curry Beverst.

That's not even a good play on words.

It curry beverst.

It curry beverst.

It curry beverst.

Actually, it starts to really work as you let it seep in, does it?

It curry-be worse.

It curry beverse, which is obviously a play on it couldn't be worse,

which is not the sort of thing you come on.

That's really cool.

It couldn't be worse.

It's just so stupid.

I mean, there'll be somewhere called that.

There will.

I hope there is now.

I hope that that, yeah, that establishment exists.

It couldn't be worse.

But that was what led them into the secret headquarters.

This is a complete blank for me now.

Oh, this is where you stop listening to.

Okay, this is where you're homewards.

What episode is this?

It's the end of chapter seven.

Oh, yeah, no, I didn't get this far, no.

So they went through it curry beversed, and the corridor became quite ornate.

And they walked.

It looks like I'm hearing it for the first time.

And they had to walk through a portrait of the Queen Mother or something.

And then inside was

the Duchess.

And we revealed

that she was the head of all things.

All things.

Yeah, head of intelligence.

Head of spies.

Yeah, something really generic.

So she's basically M.

And she.

So is that MI5 then?

Is it?

Is it or MI6?

I don't know.

I think dad fluctuates.

So why the hell should we know?

Maybe both, all of it.

She's the overall head of British intelligence services or something.

I just can't imagine them shopping around for like a secret headquarters and be like, oh, what's that?

Icurry B-verse.

Should we do it in the basement of Icurburst?

The Duchess is like, This is gonna sound really mad, but the place I get my lunch is like, What's it called?

Icurry B Verst.

Tell me more, go on.

But maybe it's quite smart because no one's gonna go into Ik Curry beverst because it couldn't be worse.

So the footfall is minimal.

So it's just the front end of being discovered, exactly.

Okay, right, sure.

But Belinda was quite shocked at that revelation.

I mean, that is quite shocking.

So she had to go back to her apartment and just have some downtime.

Understandable.

Favourite gal pal.

Okay, Dala.

This is my, I'm just putting this down.

This is my favourite moment of Belinda Blink V.

Telly was a favourite pastime of Bella's.

Telly.

Oh, Bella, what do you like doing?

Telly.

Oh, okay.

That's...

Any hobbies?

Telly.

Anything in particular?

Telly.

What is on?

Telly was a favourite pastime of Bella.

Everyone says Telly.

But Belinda was unfamiliar with its treasures.

She's unfamiliar with telly.

Are you serious?

She doesn't know what telly is.

She much preferred to practice decoupage in her downtime.

Oh, so, wait, we thought we were maybe in the 80s, but we're in this, I don't know, 1800s.

What's decoupage?

Cutting out things from magazines and sticking them to bits of furniture.

Hello.

No, that's Belinda's first time.

Making like scrapbook space.

No, unlike tables and chairs.

Decorating surfaces of furniture with cutout pictures, generally of flowers, and then putting paper paste over the top and varnishing it.

Honestly.

This is not true.

We've never known her to do that.

It's just.

They're the best two women I've ever met.

That's so wonderful.

Look when they live.

They're shitty little lives.

I'm so glad she didn't die.

James, they're shitty little lives.

You said that.

Was it me?

I'm so sorry to decoupage community.

That's not about the decoupage, but you were beside yourself.

I actually thought you were going to cry.

I just think it was the combined image of Bella watching Telly and Belinda in the background decoupaging a storm.

I mean, you literally said they're the best two women you've ever met.

Never met them.

Fictional characters for one.

But ow, they have no fucking buttons.

And obviously they're the pits.

Yeah.

I just think they're so funny and unique and like they're constantly surprising.

Who would have ever expected that Belinda was a decoupage enthusiast?

Oh well we didn't ever ask, did we?

It's our own fault really.

Because I kind of imagine that's like how they'll end up in you like when they're in their 60s, 70s and they're retired.

That's when they'll do stuff like that.

But now, she definitely doesn't have time to be doing that now.

She's on some massive mission.

I thought when you said she was going to take some downtime, I was thinking, oh, maybe she goes back to the flat for a kip or a shag, but to sit and decoupage the gall, the ultimate gall of it.

Who would decoupage when there's a waterbed upstairs?

And then for some reason, and I'm not really sure why, they go to Australia.

Oh, shit, of course they do.

And we meet one of the top celebrities in Australia.

Absolutely.

Who'd already done dancing in the sky with firecrackers, wherever it was?

Yeah.

um mr cosmo macaroon cosmo macaroon you'll know him from his many many cooking shows he's one of the biggest names in australia and in the culinary world because i think was it bella that was the the president of his fan club and so she ran the cosmo macaroon again another thing what didn't know that so she gets them access to him and they try and sell him steels pots and pans uh utensils to use on his cooking show yes but they had quite an unusual way to sell them um in that they seduced him.

You say unusual, I say the only way they know how

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Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game, Day Scratches from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.

How?

We want to change the pots and pans you use on your show to the Oxy Brillo range from steels, pots, and pans.

Seal me, ladies, Cosmo said as he started fucking each vag at a time.

They're very good,

screamed Belinda mid-bonk.

They're huff-puff, non-stick, huff-puff, environmentally nice, huff-puff, light to the touch,

and only

45 AUD dollars wholesale.

Half puff.

Half puff.

Half puff.

Do it again.

Do it again.

This is so interesting.

This is how Belinda sells the Octobillo ring.

My favourite is environmentally nice.

I like AUD dollars.

I've got a lot of time for that.

Half-puff.

Huff puff.

Huff, buff.

But yeah, then Giselle saw them.

I think she was on a camera crane.

And saw them in our dressing group in Australia.

What are the chances?

What is happening?

Well, no, I think they did.

Now I come to think of it, I think they went to Australia on Giselle's trail, basically.

Oh, right.

Somehow knew she'd gone to Australia.

Okay, that makes sense.

Oh, yeah, that's way, that's way smarter.

And whilst they were in Australia, obviously,

Bella and Belinda befriended Quince, if you remember him.

him.

He was like a backpacker.

I do not.

Oh, yeah, they had like a whole week's holiday together.

Oh,

in the big dormitory.

Yes, with all the

beds.

And it was just a massive, like, loads of beds stuck together.

Yeah.

She spent the night putting it together.

Her own little travel spanner, didn't she?

Oh, my God, Robbery is called Quince.

And then they went off on a little trek.

And then whilst they were away, they got kidnapped

by the black ops.

Because Quince betrayed them.

yeah so they were in the clink and jailman was looking after them jailman but suddenly giselle did something quite unexpected

belinda bella and spooner looked petrified as giselle approached their cell

but

what

to their utter surprise not mine not mine she began unlocking the clink cage.

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

You must escape now.

Oh my god.

Bish and his goons, not to mention evil George, will be down soon.

Evil George?

There is no time.

But you're an evil bitch, exclaimed Belinda.

Let's not get into a slangy match now.

Exactly, get the fuck out of the cell.

But you're an evil bitch, exclaimed Belinda.

Guilty's charge.

Now off you, Pop.

I thank you, it'd be nice.

I have been.

It's true, those words of yours.

But I was only doing it to save my poor mother.

Oh, for fuck's sake, come on.

This is shoehorned in.

You see, she has a weird illness that's ill-defined and hard to say.

Which I can barely spell or write down here.

And also, I'm Rocky, so I kind of don't want to be too specific in case I get in trouble.

She's got an illness that I don't have time to Google.

You see, she has a weird illness that's ill-defined and hard to say.

Oh god, it is hard to say.

Oh my god, are you going to say it?

Conchocatritis.

Conchocatritis detritus.

Oh, I've had that dessert.

It's delicious.

It's a bit like a tiramisu.

Yeah, it's Italian.

Conchoca, what now?

I think it was conchocatritis detoritis.

That sounds dermatological, doesn't it?

Well, it's clearly life-threatening.

It costs millions to get the

research,

which is why she obviously became the special one, needed the cash.

I don't think she ever got the cash, did she?

Well yeah let's unpack Giselle's journey a bit because she's very much back in the fold.

She's back in the glee team.

So in theory she was the special one all along from Book One.

And she was employed by Bish and he was going to give the money to pay for her mum's treatment.

So she was never really on Bish's side.

She just needed the money.

Exactly.

So a few things.

Why did she kill Slint?

No, I think that

was explained.

It was an accident.

Oh yeah, because he had a cyanide pill, didn't he?

He actually killed himself.

Yeah.

She thought he might have been allergic to her vagina, but that wasn't it.

It was that he killed himself.

Because I also read a theory about that, that Giselle.

He read a theory!

Oh my god!

I'm talking about.

Hear me out.

Hear me out.

That Giselle killed Slintz so that Bish couldn't get his hands on the...

She was deliberately sabotaging things because actually she was on their side all along.

Oh, that's clever now.

Slender and dad came up with, yes.

So that would explain why she she did marry Tony, because she did actually love Tony.

Yeah, it's only ever been for the money.

Exactly.

She's now a goodie again.

And then maybe the most consequential act of any of the books happened.

And it was really, really quite emotional for us all.

The fight between George and Spooner was really not nice.

You're a second-rate spy, Spooner.

You're the laughing stock of the intelligence services.

And I fucked your secretary behind the bins.

Now that's just dirty play isn't it?

I thought we were doing some nice capoeira.

I thought we were being gentlemen about this fight.

How dare you?

Spoons yelled as he lunged to punch George.

But George was quicker than most with a rotten leg.

Rotten.

Oh yeah, he's like.

He's been war-wounded, this man.

He'd pulled out a smallish dagger.

Why is everyone fighting with daggers?

What shop are they getting these daggers from?

Bella's got a butter knife.

What's everyone doing?

He'd pulled out a smallish dagger and killed him there and then.

Oh my god!

I'm still not over it.

Well, I was kind of with George when he was like, you're a second-rate spot.

He was terrible at his job.

He doesn't deserve to die.

Well, no, sure.

But as a character, I feel like he'd kind of gone as far as he was going to go.

He's served his purpose.

It's more that we don't get to hear.

I can't do it.

Scottish.

You were over that as well, were you?

Well,

not really bothered, actually.

Didn't even remember we had an explanation.

Not really a highlight.

And then the book ended with a massive twist.

Do you remember what happened, guys?

I do.

Alice doesn't.

She's not a clue.

I do.

Let's play the clip.

Okay.

A helium balloon rose from below ground with a little basket full of Bavarian treats and steins of beer.

In jumped Bish,

in jumped George.

What?

And just as they were taking off,

they grabbed Belinda and hoisted her inside.

No.

Do you understand?

What?

They've kidnapped Belinda.

As they flew into the orange sky, Belinda looked down at her crying friends.

As Bish scrappled for perch.

Oh, he didn't scrapple, did he?

Scrapple.

Lord above, above, don't scrapple.

His laderhosen had ridden up his scrawny grey bum.

He's wearing laderhosen.

Duffuck.

Guys.

What?

Belinda gasped.

On his rotten little leg.

Wait, who's got the rotten leg?

They've all got rotten legs.

On my rotten leg.

On his rotten little leg.

Why has everyone got gangrene?

Sat a tattoo of three bees intertwined in fancy writing.

Belinda pulled up her own sundress

and revealed the exact same

press on her upper thigh.

Bish, Belinda, and who's the third bee?

Yes,

family.

Herr Bish hissed as they flew far from anywhere.

Genuine goosebumps.

What?

Goosebumps.

I'll get over it.

Actual goosebumps.

I think you're just cold.

Oh, yeah, I'm quite cold in here.

Things like that.

I'm like, he's going to thread this together in some amazing way, or it's all just going to make no sense.

Or sometimes he's like, it stands for beautiful, bouncy balloon.

That's just a coincidence.

That would be brilliant.

So, essentially, what Bish is saying is these two are linked because these tattoos, which Belinda never noticed she had.

And also, she got, well, no, maybe she knows she's got it, but she didn't know he had the same one.

But then, how did she get it?

Poppy's coins.

Why did she think she had it?

It's not like three stars on your hip that everyone got when they were.

Yeah, a dolphin on the small of your back.

Unless she was tattooed as a baby.

Oh, yeah, the baby tattoos.

Such a big market.

But the implication being they are linked by blood.

Somehow.

Somehow.

Or is it family as in like the firm?

You know, like a mafia family.

Right.

Who knows?

I mean, it could be neither of those things, and it could be nothing whatsoever.

Well, yeah, you'll have to come back to find out because we're opening book six on May the

24th.

24th, thank you.

Monday, May the 24th.

And we've got something very exciting, very limited edition, very exclusive to tell you about.

Oh, that's so exclusive.

It's a product.

It's a product.

Made something.

We are releasing an exclusive range of Belinda beers.

So we did a bit of market research based on you guys emailing us.

Boozhounds.

Absolute piss-heads.

But yeah, reasonably.

They drink reasonably and responsibly.

Absolutely.

Very, very, very responsible.

Yeah.

What we thought we'd do, because every year now it's become tradition, we have our listening party for the season premiere.

And we thought it would be nice to celebrate with a few bevies.

And we've themed them, so they're all Belinda Blink specific.

Beautiful cans.

They're kind of collector's items if you're that way inclined.

I am, of course.

Of course.

I'll have a whole cabinet of them for when people come around.

We actually asked you guys to help name these pigs.

And I have the names here.

Do you want to hear them?

Yeah, I do.

So we have a 4% pomegranate pale ale, yum that is called Nectar of the Norse Gods.

Oh, wonderful.

Great suggestion.

Then we've got a GNT IPA.

Ooh.

Belinda's Ruin.

Oh, Mother's Ruin.

Mother's Ruin.

A little play on words there.

That'll be nice.

A GNT IPA.

I don't think I've ever had anything like it.

I've had beer in a GNT.

Does that count?

That party's gone by.

And we've got a 6% Chardonnay ale called Heaven on a Hatstand.

Oh.

Delish.

So that'll be crisp.

Crisp,

kind of dry, a bit of fruity that's there.

Well, if you like the sound of that, the good news is you can pre-order if you're in the UK right now.

The link is live.

Ready for the party.

Ready for the party.

You'll have them just in time.

If you go to alphabetbrewing.co.uk, those are the people we've partnered with.

Yeah, I love the independent brewery up in Manchester.

Yes.

Artisan.

Absolutely.

So it's alphabetbrewing.co.uk forward slash M-D-W-A-P.

See what that is?

It's an acronym of my dad at Aporno.

We've never used that.

That's one of the things that we've never used it.

Alphabet Broom.

What would we do without you?

We'd be a lot more sober, wouldn't we?

We would be.

But reasonably and responsive, of course.

Very unprepared.

And the good news is, if you are an international listener, they go on general sale on the 29th of April.

So you can try and pick up a pack then.

And you can do a combination too.

So you can get a couple of each.

Or if you're planning on doing a Zoom party, a normal party, whatever is allowed in your area, then you can get a big old thing and share it and split the cost.

Yeah, like you say, once you've drank the sweet nectar inside, collector's item.

A little ornament.

I I hadn't thought about drinking it first.

You're right.

That's definitely.

What are you going to do, Alex?

Drink it, then fill it with sand.

Oh, wonderful.

To give the weight.

Absolutely.

Paperweight.

Paperweight, yes.

Beautiful artwork on them, though.

Yeah, they look really cool.

So we will see you, Bevies in hand, for the listening party on Monday, the 24th of May at 8pm BST.

That's British summertime.

Sharp.

And let's make it the biggest one ever because it's not like anyone's got anywhere to be.

I just speak for myself.

If you haven't done a listening party with us before, basically we all press play around the world at the same time and listen listen to the episode together and live tweet along using the hashtag porno day.

So you get everybody's favorite bits, worst bits, some of the best gifts I've ever seen.

I know people are so funny and creative.

It's actually better than the show.

People tweeting.

So we'll see you there.

Absolutely.

May the 24th, we are opening Belinda Blink 6.

It's been so long.

Coach, the energy out there felt different.

What changed for the team today?

It was the new game day scratchers from the California Lottery.

Play is everything.

Those games sent the team's energy through the roof.

Are you saying it was the off-field play that made the difference on the field?

Hey, a little play makes your day, and today it made the game.

That's all for now.

Coach, one more question: Play the new Los Angeles Chargers, San Francisco 49ers, and Los Angeles Rams Scratchers from the California Lottery.

A little play can make your day.

Please play responsibly, must be 18 years or older to purchase, play, or claim.