Skaldova - Ep. 10: The Chalice of Malice

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This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skaldova!

Glorious.

I am your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Getting womped by bugs and slugs, Zudgeric of the murder.

Emily Axford.

Accidentally squished William Shimmy.

No, you didn't.

Please get in.

Get out of here.

It's okay.

You didn't do it, Murph did.

That was an attempted murder.

That was an attempted murder.

Accidentally let Murph squish Williams.

Intentionally, it's an attempted murder.

It's called a Murfder, actually.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner.

Oh, loves to drink and fight and feast.

Boggy Rogers, snake release.

Oh, right.

Yes, yes, yes.

Everybody, check out our merch store for the snake release hats.

But before we sell too many of those, how about a little recap?

Last time, our three twisted tourists cracked into the vault once belonging to Sir Hilda Garnet, now co-opted by Bulrick the Vanished.

Inside, you found a bunch of cash, a few healing potions, and some magical refuse that may or may not be past its expiration date.

After a brief philosophical detour into the nature of money, you discovered that a stash of spell components made its way aboard a ship, the HMS Solstice, a few centuries ago.

After that, you went from hitting one pipe to another as you cracked into the castle's plumbing and crawled your way down the walls.

You battled bugs and slugs as you tugged your bodies through the drains before finally mission-impossibling yourself into the waterway below.

Yeah, dude.

A true final reckoning.

There, you heard a rising chant signaling the beginning of the monks' ritual, and that is where we are now.

Oh, dear.

Okay, first things first.

Right.

Let's lather up these poles.

I

take my lamp

and do the day glow on it.

That's what it's called.

Oh, right, yes.

The daybreak.

Daybreak.

Is there enough pass it around?

Day glow was like that color from the 90s where everything was like bright.

Cool.

I'm assuming that's what colours are.

I assume it is day glow color.

Absolutely.

That's what I thought.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

It glows day glow, alerting everyone to your position in the tunnel.

Okay, sweet.

So you coat your weapons with the daybreak.

You crack the vial that Sir Mathis Dyer gave to you.

And you see your weapons do emit a dull glow, and they will be doing an extra D6 of radiant damage.

Oh, my.

Sir Mathis, we will reunite you with your love.

This is quite a lube.

Glowing lube.

Wow.

Welly blushes.

Seems dangerous, honestly.

Okay, and then I've actually got pretty fucked up by bugs and slugs.

I wasn't, you know, just just being cute with the rhyme.

I was being real.

What rhymes?

Sudden looks off into the middle distance.

Do you?

No.

Do you sing little rhymes in your head sometimes?

Because I do that all the time.

We're very kindred, I think.

Yeah, that's actually just sonneteering.

Okay.

I guess you're a sonneteer as well.

Wow.

Sudden shrugs.

Oh, yeah, I have a loot.

I forgot about that.

It's been a while since I've talked about this or thought about it at all.

Please, next time you rhyme bugs and slugs, do it to the tune of a loot, friend.

All right, I'm gonna go ahead and drink one of the five potions just to get up to full, if that's okay.

By all means, quiet.

All right, we're at four potions now, and I am healthy.

Maybe we should have a little whiskey as well.

Yeah, be fun.

Get a little temp going.

I'm actually still buzzed from it.

I think that would have faded away, so you can take another swig of whiskey.

Yes, please gather around.

I have some beautifully hewn yew cups for us to drink from.

You cups?

That's so dangerous.

Bacteria can just grow in there.

Yes.

We call that seasoning where I'm from.

I got a one on my D4.

Smoothie two.

Damn.

I think I'm not a whiskey guy.

Maybe.

Yeah, it was just a little nip.

There's a rainbow of alcohols out there for you to enjoy, friend.

I got a three.

Ooh, all right.

Well, he took a good mouth sniff.

All right, I guess we heard things coming from a grate.

Let's go look through the grate.

Yes, let's peer.

Okay.

I should put on these goggles for tactical reasons.

Maybe you could put the goggles on.

Maybe you could mission impossible with one of your birds.

I refuse to send them ahead into danger.

Could you put the goggles on?

Yes.

And you were very rough with William Schitz.

That was not.

Oh, can I reach into my pocket to check on William Schitz?

It's already confirmed.

Give me a nature check.

He was confirmed fine.

Wellie, hand shaking, reaches into her pocket.

It's an eight on a nature check.

If you want to kill the frog, just kill the frog, okay?

William Schith, as you reach in, is trembling with fear, and he wraps his limbs around your body, almost shuddering away from Zudrick's general direction.

I don't trust him.

I gather him close to my chest.

Don't worry.

I will protect you from the zoo.

Sweet Billy poops.

You'll be okay.

He does an angry ribbit.

Ribbit.

Ribbit.

Get it out of your system.

I call all of my birds to me.

I'm just covered in them.

He dives back into Ellie's posture.

Try to work it out because spite sours the countenance.

What?

William Shitz

ribbets.

Confused.

Ribbit?

Okay.

Yeah, let's go ahead and look through the grate and just see what's happening down there.

All right, so you guys trod forward through this knee-deep water and you go up towards the rusted grate, peering through the bars into a vast, disorienting cellar.

The cove stonework ceiling arches out in every direction, disappearing into darkness.

A beacon of torchlight pulses to your left.

A crowd of cloaked figures, dozens of monks, are gathered in a warped semicircle, their dusty red robes hunched like question marks as they lean over a pool of liquid dark as tar.

Thick columns and flaming braziers obscure something massive looming beyond, something cloaked in shadow.

Then, you also see, perched above the center of the pool, like an osprey's nest, a makeshift wooden platform.

Two monks, secured with chains lashed to the ceiling, kneel over a woman in a linen tunic, Lila.

Her hair is dark and matted, and she thrashes wildly at her captors, kicking one of the monks off the platform.

His chain crackles and catches him with a metallic jerk.

He swings back, wheezing as the second monk dives onto Lila's outstretched feet and binds her to the woodwork.

As soon as we see Lila, I'm taking off.

I'm getting in there.

There's no strategy.

We made a promise to Sir Mathis.

I'm ripping off this grate.

All right, very well.

Okay.

Yeah, let's go ahead.

Now, now, Willie, I think perhaps.

We've made a promise to reunite two lovers.

What could be more sacred?

And I've wanted to kill all of these dudes for a while now.

There's quite a lot of them, though, and sometimes I think it's best to get the jump if we can.

Okay, then.

Then I'll follow your lead, but do it now.

All right, I'm ready.

I'm like the Fox NFL robot spoke back to me right now.

Pacing next to the grave.

Slamana, what a murder.

Beating your helmet.

Jesus Christ, remind me never to give these guys whiskey again.

Their birds are starting to go nuts.

I'm ready to go.

They're going to hear the birds.

Her brother betrayed her.

Tabitha smells blood.

She and Sir Mathis are going to get married and do aerial yoga together.

To be honest, I feel like Mathis should be here.

I don't know if he's right for her.

Okay, fine.

I will be the one who stepped up.

What?

You stop falling in love with every woman we meet?

You gotta pick.

My ankles are showing right now, Zutrich.

I am a woman of vice.

Boggy, tell us what to do.

All right.

Wait, wait, but first.

We might die.

Okay.

Yes.

Going into this, really quick, we must know what happened to the last Boggy's bud, Crunchums.

We have not discussed Crunchums.

Oh.

Did I forget?

Oh, yes.

Sweet young Grandpa Crunchums.

So named for he was the youngest of our crew.

Ah, this is actually a story with a glimmer of hope, perhaps a silver lining.

For Grunchums was simply flung from a catapult into the woods.

Oh, so he might still be alive.

No, no, no, he might still be alive.

A friendly eagle may have taken them into their nests.

Higher than the crow flies, I'll say.

Perfect height for an eagle's nest.

Oh, Ender, oh, Hilt.

He

sure died a slow, awful death.

It was just high enough for him to break all his bones in the middle of the house.

I know I am but a squeak in a symphony of the universe, but if you find it in your heart,

we must hurt.

I would swear forever off beautiful women's ankles.

Baki, tell us what to do right now, or I'm gonna scream for Crunchums and shoulder through the crate.

One moment, I beg.

One moment, friends, I beg.

crunchums plays into this plan, as it were.

For Crunchums was a master of disguise and deception.

He was a roguish lad, and

we followed his lead on many a stealthy mission.

I think that there is a large grouping of monks here, and I think that they are all very, very anxious, very tenuously linked to Bulric.

Perhaps if we could cause some sort of distraction or turn them against each other, it would make our task easier.

Oh, we do have the robes.

Yeah, should we just.

I'm gonna put on the robe.

We'll put on the robe.

We'll try to quietly open the gray and just kind of join the crew.

I have a plan that could cause a bit of commotion that would allow you both to launch into the fray.

Would you allow it?

I will.

Welly is really distracted right now because she's trying to figure out if she can undo a prayer.

Does she think that she doesn't want to commit to what she just said?

Sidra, can you undo a prayer?

Unsend one?

Yeah, sure.

I have to wave my hand in front of her face.

Prayer broken.

Thank you.

If you unsend it within like the first 30 seconds or so, that's fine.

Okay.

Gmail rules.

All right.

Lead the way.

All right.

So I'm going to put on my robe.

Okay.

And I'm going to kind of just like slink forward.

I'll make a stealth check if you want me to.

But what I want to do is I want to take the rotting arm that I got from the chamber above.

Okay.

And I want to slide it into the sleeve of my robe.

And then I'm going to approach slowly.

And And then once I'm to the front, I want to start shouting.

Okay,

so I guess I'm going to have you, first of all, this grate is jagged, twisted.

Parts of it are kind of like missing.

So you're going to be able to slink around without breaking through.

Okay, awesome.

But you'll need to stealth up to these monks to try to kind of like blend in with them.

I'll use my ambush ability.

All right, and then meanwhile, we'll put on our robes.

Mine's a little tight, and then I've got a bunch of birds in it.

Actually, Tabitha, Edgar, Sabrina, Salem, you can all probably fly kind of close to the water.

Not too close, though.

You don't want to get splashed.

You'll turn into a monster bird.

Actually, I take it back.

Don't get anywhere near the water.

Just kind of cling to the outside in the darkness.

You care for them so much.

Yes.

Perhaps this would be a good time for them to bond with William Schitts.

We could leave them behind to guard our escape.

I do not trust William Schitz.

And William Schitz does not trust you.

Ribbit.

Ribbit and William Schitz.

I go to turn into giants, Mike.

And then I stifle it.

No, Willie.

We'll all make good at the feast.

I promise you.

All right.

I'll go ahead and roll myself.

Okay.

So you guys are donning these robes.

Zudrick's stretching it out over his armor and his goggles.

And Boggy, you're slinking through the grate.

Give me a stealth check.

I'm going to use my heroic inspiration to re-roll that.

Shout out to the two crew.

Maybe.

23.

Okay, Boggy, so you slink forward, approaching this gathering of monks.

You're leaving Welly and Zudric behind until you create your distraction, is that right?

Yes, I'm going to try and get ahead of them.

I wanted to basically be like, there in the back, I've made my way up to the front, at the front of the ritual, and then I'm going to try and cause a commotion.

A classic boggy commotion.

Okay, cool.

So as you approach, you round a hulking pillar and you see it.

There.

Sprawled across the head of the cistern, like a beached leviathan, is the gargantuan body of a decomposing dragon

the old guardian of the keep emblematic of the magic that once coursed through this world long dead at its post its neck draped across the cistern ledge head buried in the floor like a fallen statue its maw hangs open its teeth still sharp like a jagged field of broadswords your breath catches but you steady it as you approach the chanting monks writhing en masse and you make your way to the back of the crowd and you can keep on inching forward.

And Willie and I haven't seen this so I'm just like, we're going to kick these dudes' asses.

There's only like 12 or 12.

Yeah, I'm going to ready in action to giants might or rather might of the gods.

The second shit

crap goes down.

Sorry, it's the whiskey.

It makes me rude.

Okay, sweet.

So you guys have not seen this site yet.

Boggy, your eyes have gone wide.

You're taking all of this in as you're looking at this huge, huge dead dragon.

The cool cavern air preserved it better than time should have allowed.

You can still make out its scales like thousands of coal-black shields, but rather than glimmer in the torchlight, they devour it.

It's all shocking to take in.

There will only be time to process it if you guys survive.

But that time will have to wait because now a figure steps up to the head of the cistern.

Boggy, you watch as he lowers his hood.

Bulrick.

He speaks.

And so it begins.

The dawn of a new age.

No longer will you kneel before an empty altar.

No longer will you wait for a glory that won't return.

For the old stories, they're just old stories.

A new God stands before you now.

He looks over at the monks.

Bow down to me,

Bulric the Blessed.

Beg for my mercy.

He lies!

Look!

The black lace!

It poisons us!

Look!

It gives you no strength!

It breaks your body apart!

It eats you alive!

Silence!

At that moment, I stand in front of him and I rip the fake arm out and I throw it to the ground.

Okay, you toss the arm to the ground.

The monks scurry away from it, startled, as Bulrick looks at you and starts clapping.

Clever show.

Clever show.

I'm glad to have a non-believer here.

You'll become a convert soon enough.

Oh, friend.

I'm not the show.

I'm just the opening act.

And on that, I kind of do my best crow call.

The crows rush through the tunnel and jump through.

Oh, yeah, we're in.

Okay.

So, Boggy does this crow call.

The crows swirl like a vortex and then dive out in a cyclone, spinning around the cavern.

Bulrick watching them as they flap madly around.

And just as that's happening, Welly and Zudrick storm out of the grate.

You round the bend with your weapons drawn, and that's when you see this giant dragon laying dead at the cistern behind Bulrick.

Oh, is this the god he was talking about?

I think this is the blood that they're going to drink to turn into gods.

All right, kill him quick.

Kill everyone quick.

Yep, yep.

Do we have like a surprise round or anything like that?

Yes, I will let you guys roll with advantage because Boggy successfully stealthed up and surprised everybody.

All right, right, I guess I'll use my launch ability to get up to where Lila is and attempt to attack one of the two monks that are up there with her.

Nice, hell yeah.

Okay, so as you guys charge out, a sudden clamor breaks out as the semicircle ripples into motion.

Some of the monks frozen, others rushing for their weapons, but everybody's turning their eyes towards you.

Bulrick looks at Boggy, looks at the birds, looks at Welly and Zudric as you're charging, and he laughs and he says, Good.

more bodies to bear witness to the end of your gods bleeder he draws a dragon tooth dagger everybody roll initiative oh yeah

okay

nine eleven twenty one okay so we are in initiative but let's set the scene you guys are staring at one the gigantic body of a long dead dragon its blood and bones having fused with the ancient freshwater cistern in 200 years of cave drip to create the corrupted icor known as black lace.

Two, a swarm of monks, once devout hermits, now something else entirely, whose entire dream is to infect all of Skaldopa with the poison coursing through them.

And three, their charismatic leader standing at the head of the pool below the missing adventurer you've been sent to rescue, who is about to be put to death.

That is Boggy's turn.

Cool.

Yeah, I think I'll see, I see Welly about to make a move, and I say, Welly, come forth from the corner.

It's time to shine.

I'm going to call her up and use my initiative swap to let her act.

Oh, nice.

Okay.

Okay.

If that's the case, I see Zudrich.

Seems like he has Lila in a good spot.

Yep, I'm getting ready to plant it.

Okay.

Like a pole vault.

So I want to jump in between that dragon's corpse and Bulrick.

Got it.

Okay.

And I just want to look up at him and say, this corpse is not yours to deface.

It is unnatural what you wish to do.

The gods are far more powerful than you even realize.

And the stories are real.

And then I think I'll just try to sandwich myself between them, and then I think I'm going to just do a regular attack on Bulrick.

Okay, sick.

He looks at you like he's an adult and you're a kid who just told him that Santa Claus is real.

Just a dismissive snort.

Snort all you want.

After I'm done with you, you will believe in gods because you'll be fucking needing them.

Holy shit.

Oh, ho, holy shit.

He snorts again, but like a little nervous.

What?

15 to hit?

15 just hits.

Oh, yes.

Okay.

I will shout, Invoke, Hilt Rune.

And then I'm going to do

my extra fiery damage, and he has to do a strength-saving throw or be restrained for a minute.

Okay.

Dirty 20 for his strength save.

Okay, that passes.

His traps are like bane-size.

He throws off his cloak, and he is corded with muscle.

Whoa.

25 damage.

Four of it is radiant.

That's so much fucking damage.

It hurts him so much.

And then I'm gonna action surf.

Oh my god.

And I want to try to push him into the pool.

Yes!

Awesome.

He like flippantly dismisses the fiery shackles.

Tricks of the gods.

Oh, fuck.

You're no match for a shove.

19 athletics check to try to shove him.

All right, he'll do opposed athletics.

Oh my god, he got another dirty 20.

Okay, I will.

This is an ability check, so I will add my tactical mind.

Nice.

So that becomes a 23.

Amazing.

You go to shove him.

He plants his feet on the ground, resists your shove, and then the edge of the cistern wall crumbles away, and his foot drops in, and he falls back into the black lace.

Yes.

That's one bird we tripped successfully.

Maybe that was the wrong move, but it seems like he was trying not to take it, so I want him to have a taste of his own medicine.

This guy's going to turn into some kind of monster, right?

Let's face it.

Yeah.

Well, he's a monster already, a scholar, and now he's going to be covered in black lace.

Who knows?

Yeah, he's already a monster.

You're right.

He read books.

Zundrick Spitz.

Foggy, you created your distraction.

You threw the hand.

You called Welly.

You swapped places with an initiative with her.

The monks look down at the rotting arm and they look up at you, showing two hands in your robe, and they advance, surging toward you, surrounding you,

attacking viciously without strategy or thought a writhing mass of diseased limbs with rusted weapons flying through the air 18 to hit oof does hit all of their shitty weapons might not do a ton of damage if they were fighting you one-on-one but all of them at once hit you for eight damage

nice try but i'm double cloaked

you look pretty hurt buggy are you okay

you see you surrounded by people stabbing you with dirty knives i meant to dye this cloak red that's stylish i would say.

And that brings us to Bulrick's turn, who's just been knocked into the pool.

He steadies himself, he stands up, he spits into the water, and he looks up at Uwelli, and he says,

You've come a long way.

Now you've seen what I've seen.

He points at the dragon.

I've come a long way.

What does that mean?

Do you know me?

You came a long way into this cavern, didn't you?

You followed it all the way to the bottom.

Yeah, now you've seen the beast.

you know that magic isn't lost it's dead the scholars won't say that they whisper fairy tales that you believe the age of stories was full of ugly details yeah what were those ugly details i'm not afraid of the truth that dragon yeah his name was cicada

the princess had many loves but none like this beast and who killed him

It was the Hilt.

They want you to believe our fighting made the gods turn away.

but it was God that turned on us.

The hilt killed this beast.

There will be no forgiveness from the gods, no return.

The princess's hope was lost, her order turned to dust, and she'd drown in the Bay of Steel.

The story's over,

so bear witness, this ritual will make me a god.

But I'm already a king.

A king with a knight in his service.

As he growls that at you, he disengages and wades towards the bottom of the platform where Lila is.

You turn to see, stepping from the shadows by the dais where you shoved Bulrick from, a figure emerges in full plate, helm lowered, drawing her sword.

What?

Bulrick calls one more time.

Sir Henrietta Holden, she's taken a new oath.

You turn and take her in.

Sir Holden.

The knight betrayed by one of the children she had sworn to protect, black black lace dripping from her gauntlets, seeping from the seams in her armor, helm creaking as she approaches and lumbers towards you.

And she is going to enter initiative, but it's not her turn yet.

Ender's bosom, how could you, man?

And that is actually Lila's turn.

She has been tied down, but she is not like exhausted or subdued.

So she's going to make a strength check to just try to break out of her ropes.

She rolled a nine.

So these monks, they learned the knots that Boggy was going to teach Welly.

That is Zudrick or Boggy.

Okay, I'm going to go ahead and launch up to the platform to try to get up to Lila.

Sick, okay.

Uh, so give me a launch attack.

Great.

Uh, yeah, I'll just go after one of the monks up here, whichever one is obstructing her more.

If one is more than the other, 21 to hits.

Definitely hits.

You launch up and tackle the the one that Lila had kicked off that had just made its way back onto the platform.

I am the knight.

He's wearing goggles.

I'm in my full Zack Snyder Batman outfit, covered in birds, and I come down onto him Lance first.

The only Batman story in Skeldova.

Oh, shit.

Your goggles of the night stare deep into his dark soul.

22 damage.

So you instantly spear him through.

He is dead, absolutely decimated and gone.

I'm going to go ahead and use my action surge, and I will attack this next guy.

That's a 19 to hit.

Does hit.

17 damage to this one.

Both of these monks on chains are now dead.

Great.

Yes.

He is swinging limply, lifelessly, like a destroyed pinata from the ceiling.

Okay, so I brutally murder these two dudes in front of Lila, and then absolutely covered in blood,

I turn to her and go, Lila, we're here to help.

Are you sure?

Yes, absolutely.

He looks like my favorite theater play, Crowbro by Zack Snyder.

Okay.

And then I'll, can I do like an object interaction or something to try to untie her?

Yeah, sure.

Give me a sleight of hand check.

Okay, geez, I'm not great with knots.

My greatest foe, inadamant objects.

Oh, Nat 20!

Oh my god!

Hell yes.

Is it a Higgledy Witch?

This is the only knot I know, a Higgledy Witch.

And you just gotta pull on the loops and shimmy.

As you kneel and start working on this knot, your thick gauntlets feel like you are just fumbling with the knot like you can't pull it around.

And then you feel something start to shift, not around you, but in you.

Your hands begin to buzz inside your gauntlets, like pressure building in a corked bottle.

Whoa.

There is some remnant of ancient magic coming from this dragon, and now it's coming alive alive in the steel.

You are wearing the gauntlets of the goat.

Whoa.

For now, these gauntlets hold just one single charge, which you can unleash to summon a spectral ram's head on a target you can see within 60 feet of you.

It has a plus seven to hit and deals 2d10 force damage and also shoves the target five feet.

Hell yes.

Cedric, how you doing up there?

I give a thumbs up.

Your thumb glows.

Is there a ram coming out of that thumbs up?

Yes.

I think a ram's ram's head popped out and winked at me.

I think these belong to Michael Jordan, the greatest jouster of all time.

Oh, yes.

The goat himself.

The most grecarious of all time.

Incredible.

Okay, that brings us to Boggy.

What I'm going to do is I'm going to skip in front of the swarm, and I'll say, I think that you would be best remaining where you are.

I'm going to pull out my bag of Caltrops.

made by Dandio Candles, and I'm going to spread them across the floor.

Tell me what Caltrops do.

As a utilize action, you can spread Caltrops from their bag to cover a five-foot square area within five feet of yourself.

A creature that enters this area for the first time on a turn must succeed on a DC-15 dexterity saving throw or take one piercing damage and have its speed reduced to zero until the start of its next turn.

Okay.

Takes 10 minutes to recover the Caltrops.

Okay, so you're going to spend 10 minutes picking all of these up one by one after the battle.

Everyone's going to help if you survive.

That's part of being one of Boggy's bots.

You help with the Caltrops.

I didn't agree to that.

Caltraps, more like Paltraps, because you need a couple.

That's a really good name.

That's really good.

So it sounds like they are going to deal with that on their turn, right?

That's when the rolls are safe.

Okay.

Okay.

And then I'm going to action surge.

Hell yeah.

I'm going to run up to the platform where Zudric is, and then I'm going to train an arrow on Buleric and try and trip shot him.

Okay.

So you're scrambling up this platform that's raised above the water.

Yes.

Where there's two dead monks, and Lila's just been untied.

Yes.

And I want to see, I'm like looking at Bulrick, watching him trying to get up out of this water and I want to just keep tripping him into it.

Okay, all right, sick.

Okay, so I'll make an attack.

26, the hit.

Rad.

Okay, so Boggy, standing up here on this platform, you knock an arrow and you draw your new bow back and snap.

The string breaks.

You glance up at the notch and just as you do, a golden thread weaves itself from thin air, dripping down like honey from a spoon.

The wood glows warm in your grip, and a twin arrow of light forms at your fingertips.

This is an inspelled weapon, which I'm calling the bow of goodwill.

A plus one magical bow with three charges.

When you hit a creature with an attack, you can expend one charge to send a healing bolt towards an ally within 30 feet, essentially casting cure wounds at a first level.

So like a DA plus your wisdom modifier.

Amazing.

All right, so let me focus on the damage first.

Right on.

All right, so this is going to be a trip shot.

Okay.

Plus my D6 of Radiant.

So everyone's just trying to trip Bulrick into the pool.

Get tripped, Dingus.

14 damage.

Oh my good lord.

Your arrow pierces Bulrick right at his shoulder blade, and he's going to try to make a save to stop from tripping, and he doesn't.

That's only a 10.

So he stumbles backwards and knocks back into the pool.

Shit, fucking ass.

You drove your words, but not your feet, friend.

You piece of shit.

You're not nearly as dexterous as a bird.

Oh, I'm not a piece of shit.

I'm the whole thing.

I'm the whole commode, friend.

Oh, and then is Lila hurt?

Can I use my healing bolt on her?

Yes.

Yes, Lila is hurt.

So you can heal her.

And then I fire an arrow directly at Lila.

We're here to help.

She said you were here to help.

We are.

Open your mouth.

I don't know how this works.

I think it's medicine.

That's six points of healing.

Amazing.

Okay, so almost like sniffing salt.

She goes,

and she feels very replenished.

She jumps up and she says, says,

I want to kill my fucking brother.

Oh, yeah, wait.

Can I do aid perception to see where that fucker is?

Sure, yeah.

15.

With the 15, you see in that crowd of monks who was swinging at you,

one pasty kid with eyes that have not gone black with dark lace, just looking up at the pool.

Fuck.

Oh, shit.

There he is.

Look at that piece of shit.

They captured me too.

They captured me, too!

You don't seem very captured.

I'm so fucking captured!

They made me wear this robe!

You got all your facilities about you, man.

No, no, no, no, I'm really tired.

He goes to his knee.

Sit down, we're gonna kick your ass in a second.

Oh, shit!

Don't tell my dad.

And now that is Sir Holden's turn, striding towards you, Welly.

Sir Holden is going to make her attacks.

Sir Holden, it's the real you in there.

Sir Holden doesn't say a word.

She noiselessly swings at you with savage, errant blows.

No knightly strategy, just like raining down her greatsword on you.

That's a 19 to hit and a 14 to hit.

I am going to activate Lodestar and make the 19 that would hit me redirect it to Bulricht.

I think he's too far away now because he disengaged towards the back of the...

Oh, okay, so there's probably no one within five feet.

Okay, there's nobody around to redirect the attack to.

The great sword falls on you, pierces your armor for 11 damage.

And that is Braxton's turn.

He's been snuffed out by Boggy, and he's going to fire his short bow up at you and yell, they made me do this too!

18 to hit.

Fuck, 18 does hit.

Okay.

Boggy, you might have to shoot yourself with that arrow.

Seven damage.

Oh, switch a bow off you want.

No.

And then he's going to nimble escape, disengage, and hide.

Oh my god.

Okay, that brings us up to the top of the order and Welly squaring off with Sir Holden.

So where is Bulrick?

Bulrick's been pushed into the pool.

Oh, he's currently face down, right?

Yes, he's been knocked by Boggy's arrow and he's been tripped into the pool.

I'm gonna run towards him, taking the opportunity attack.

Okay.

To try to drag her over to where he is.

Love it.

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For her opportunity attack, that is a 19 to hit.

Okay, that hits.

That's 13 damage.

Okay.

And she does follow you into the pool.

Okay.

And then I'm going to attack Bulrick.

Sir Bulrick.

I mean, not Sir Bulrick.

Just Bulrick.

Yes.

Okay.

That is exactly what I got last time.

15.

15 hits.

20 more damage.

Oh my god.

And four of that is radiant.

Nice.

As you hit him, he's like tried to rise out of the pool, but you strike him and he falls.

And he looks at you with blood in his mouth.

He says, why do you fight like there's hope?

Hope died with that dragon and with its rider.

Whether or not that dragon died, whether or not the Princess Lenark died, whether or not the gods absconded, or perhaps something worse, there is something of them that still lingers here.

Do you not see it in all these magical items?

Do you not see it in the things that we do?

Do you not see it in every root of every tree reminding you of the ender?

I think he's jealous because he wasn't chosen like you, Willie.

I wasn't chosen.

I was the one who chose.

I chose to still believe in them, and you could too, but you don't because you don't believe in them because the idea of someone being more powerful than you is a threat to how you see yourself, you arrogant son of a fucking scholar.

And damn, my Paltron.

You're delusional.

They think I'm crazy, but you're delusional.

Yeah, no, I am crazy.

Look over there.

Welly, you turn, and you see now from this vantage point, laying in a heap at the side of Cicada's neck, somebody you never met, but you know right away.

The brass helm with a molted red plume, breastplate caved in, but decorated with a twisted sunburst.

And of course, you also see a missing ring finger.

The body of Hilda Garnet.

Now you see this 200-year-old corpse.

You can see there was no ancient force guiding Bulrick's hand, no curse, no prophecy, no whisper from beyond, just a man stripped of faith and future, acting with the clarity of someone who believes the world is already ended.

And you deal 20 damage to him?

Yeah.

Your sword drives into his chest.

He looks down into the pool.

He hesitates.

But then he looks up at you.

He shrugs and he says,

fuck it then.

With his last breath, He chugs the chalice of black lace.

Nothing left for him to do.

Blood streaking his teeth.

The chalice falls back into the pool as he gasps.

He exhales.

He rises.

He stands straight up, his eyes gleaming.

He's almost invigorated, and he snarls.

Now you see,

the pool has chosen one.

One who is stronger than the...

Fuck.

He doubles over.

choking.

Steam rises from his pores, pulsing veins darken beneath his skin, and his flesh starts to soften, sagging like wax left in the sun.

Finally, he breaks.

He screams in agony and fear.

He shrieks and shrieks till his voice is gone, warped into a wet, gurgling sound.

His body liquefies in front of you, collapsing in on itself as bones, sinew, and blood melt into a sloshing gray mass.

The chalice sinks under the black lace.

as a shapeless ooze quivers where Bulrick once was, bubbling, twitching, and grasping towards you.

Bulrick is now a black ooze.

His whole entire plan is fucked.

He's dead, but something else remains.

Okay, so since he did technically die, I get another attack with my bonus action because of heavy weapon master.

Or great weapon master.

Okay.

So I will now use that to attack this ooze.

Cool.

I'm going to look at Sir Henrietta and just say,

Sir Henrietta, the kids are in danger.

Look Look at them.

Lila, call out to Sir Henrietta.

Lila hears you, and she says, Sir Holden, Sir Holden,

I need you.

Do you hear that?

Kill.

And then I'm going to direct Sir Henrietta toward the ooze and then take my own attack.

Okay, sick.

Swing at this ooze.

24 to hit.

Yeah, it hits the sludge.

Not that hard.

19 damage, five of which is radiant.

19 damage.

You stab into this ooze.

It ripples and shakes.

You can feel it pulsing beneath you.

And that brings us to this mass of monks who are at the edge of the cistern with nobody to attack.

So I think they're going to try to scale this platform and get to you guys.

They're going to

forget the cowtrops.

Yeah.

Don't forget the cow traps.

Okay, they make decks saves to not take damage.

DC 15 I believe

Okay, pretty high

God they rolled a dirty 20.

Oh

I Was gonna say this might be the first time ever something like that works and damn DC DC 15 should be hard to beat

these monks kind of like they shuffle their feet is the problem They don't pick them up to step on anything They just kind of shuffle zombie stuff

They also might have decent decks if I was gonna do a monk stat I might give them decent decks and they have shitty ranged weapons and chipped swords, so they're basically going to just scale this platform World War Z style.

But that's only an 11 to hit, Yubagi.

Okay, that misses.

Yes.

Okay.

How dare you dishonor the Caltrops the Dandio Candles made me?

One of them kicks them aside.

He spent many a night by the fire crafting those.

Okay, that is Bulrick's turn, but he is dead.

He's now this pile of ooze.

Well, you've stabbed into the ooze.

It starts to crawl up your sword and tries to shoot out to attack you, but that's only a nine to hit.

Yes!

It doesn't.

The ooze harmlessly reaches towards you.

This is in no.

It doesn't hit.

What an oozer.

What an oozer.

You oozer.

I kick it.

No.

And now that is Lila's turn.

She does not have a weapon, but she turns on an axe.

I've got an extra.

I got an extra one.

Oh my god, awesome.

You just like emotionlessly hand her an axe.

She grabs it.

It plummets into the woodwork because it's so heavy.

Yeah, it's two handers.

Oh, okay.

She picks it up, feeling invigorated from the HP that Boggy gave her, and she's going to attack these scared ones.

That's a gnat one.

Oh, yeah.

It's all right.

It's been a tough 24 hours for you.

I understand.

She raises it over her head.

It falls backwards and crashes into the wood platform.

Yeah, it's tough.

Yeah, it's hard.

Okay, and that is Zudric's turn.

All right, I see

Sir

Henrietta Holden

is.

Oh, yeah, she's healthy.

She's.

Oh, boy.

Yeah, she's very healthy.

I haven't attacked her yet.

Yeah.

Welly.

I'm sort of trying a diplomatic route, but I say I've got one more hit before that route is shuttered.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

I hate to say this, but have you tried flirting with her?

She's not my type, if you can believe it.

I cannot.

All Alright, I...

I think Zudrick

sees

Sir

Holden

going towards Welly and sees Welly not attacking Sir Holden.

And up until this point, Zudrick has been quick to

violence, quick to a decision, quick to write people off and stuff.

But

you see,

he looks down at Welly he looks down at Boggy

he grabs the bottom of his helm

and he rips it off

and

you see on his skin all of these like

stick and poke like sailor type tattoos

And you can see from far away that they're all like on top of each other, like cover-up after cover-up after cover-up.

And you can even see like a symbol of the lodestar that has something else over it, a symbol of like the hilt, a symbol of the ender, and all of these other like crowns and upside-down crowns, and crowns with slashes through them, and everything like that.

And

Zudrick goes,

I used to give away my faith too easily,

and that made me

not want to give it away at all.

But I have faith in you, Willie Ham damn Boggy Rogers I will do this your way um and I'm going to reach down

and

try to

take the daybreak off of my lance with my new gloves and then I'm going to jump down between Welly and Sir Henrietta

And I'm going to hold my hands out

and I'm pushing her back with the charge from the gauntlets.

But I'd like to try to do it in a way that's more like kind of diplomatic.

Like I'm just trying to shove her back away from Welly.

I put my hands out and I go, Sir Holden, we are knights.

We have our oaths.

Like shaking her into her senses.

Yes.

Nice.

Okay.

This is fucking awesome.

Zuderick, you pull off your armor, revealing all of the ghosts of your past.

You jump off the platform, parting your legs, raising your fist, Michael Jordan emblem style.

You land in the shallow cistern

and fire this force from your gloves.

It knocks into Henrietta Holden.

Give me an attack roll.

Okay.

And you add a plus seven.

I'll do.

Can I do a launch to give myself advantage?

Yeah, great.

Okay.

So I'll jump down with it.

I do not know what happened with the gods, but there is a right and wrong side here today, and you can choose what is right.

17

17

just hits Sir Holden.

Yes, it is.

She flies 20 feet backwards towards the back of the cistern, splashing into the black lace, submerging for a second, and then she rises slowly, exhaling, blowing the dark liquid out of her helm.

She shakes it off.

She looks up at you.

She raises her visor.

You can see her face.

It's gaunt.

Her eyes are dark, soulless.

But her chest heaves and she whispers,

by the last light of the Lodestar,

before her final embrace.

By all that was and all that may yet come.

She stands, rising to her

I shall yield to none who would harm the blood of our house.

My sword, my will, my all, I give.

She looks up at the platform.

This is my oath.

Let the fallen remember.

My steel served one name.

The Lady Lila.

Where the fuck are you, Braxton?

He's there!

There he is!

Right there, right there.

Everyone points at him.

Everybody that a good vantage point, that is,

she gets a 16 to find him.

And she's going to fire a heavy crossbow directly at the column that he's hiding behind.

She whips it from her armor.

And that's a 14 to hit Braxton.

It definitely does.

And

the arrow flies past this horde of undead monks and catches Braxton right in the neck.

It does

shit.

It does 11 damage.

And you watch as Braxton goes to a knee and says, oh, fuck.

Oh, you dominoes.

You're a life for ours.

What?

I mean, all I did was take you up on it.

And Braxton keels over dead.

And with Henrietta's last action, it took all of her strength to overcome the black lace.

You see her go back to a knee and fall face down into the pool.

So, since that all happened at once, we resolve that, but that actually is Boggy's turn.

Braxton and Sir Holden are both down.

Bulrick is a very hurt pile of ooze, and there is this mass of scared monks

who actually, I don't know if they've taken any damage yet.

Is that possible?

Hmm, okay.

But they're leaderless, but still do want you dead.

Yes, still fervent.

I'm up here with Lila.

I think Boggy,

despite everything telling him not to,

reaches into his treasure sack and pulls out the pewter rose of Matthias Dyer and slowly hands it to Lila and says, Someone is out there for you.

Someone needs you to fight so that you can be reunited.

Bulrick was right that...

The past is the past, but there are still stories.

There are still chances to be warmed by the campfire.

So please, let's end this.

Lila looks at the rose and blushes.

She casts her eyes up to you.

That looks really valuable, by the way.

Why do you think he didn't come?

I mean, you said it.

Yeah, I kind of had.

I had the same question personally.

Okay.

We're thinking about: have you met my friend Welly?

Probably a conversation for the Rose Garden, whoever you choose to go on a walk with.

Anyway, after giving this token back to Lila, Boggy looks at at the big horde of zombies that's climbing up,

thinks back to the last day he saw his crew,

breathes out and whispers under his breath,

I made a promise to you all.

I'll never run again.

I'm sorry.

This time it'll be different, I promise.

I'm sorry.

And then Boggy draws both of his blades and launches himself into the fray of these zombies.

All right.

I'm going to go ahead and make an attack.

13, does that hit?

Does hit these robed monks who are naked below.

I'll get to make an offhand attack as well.

Okay.

That also hits 21 points of damage.

Oh my good lord.

You decimate these monks with your sword diving down, keeping your promise not to run, but to stay and fight for what you believe in.

You slash into all of these monks spinning around, your sword glowing.

You bring them down to one HP.

There is a single shambling monk in front of you, and I'll roll a luck check to see if he stumbles back and trips on a Caltrop.

That's a nine.

Huzzah!

He stumbles back,

trips on a cow trap, and falls cracking his head on the side of the cistern.

Yes!

Dropped his ass!

The cow chop worked.

It's going to take 10 minutes to clean up.

That'll be no time for the paltrops, am I right?

Too true.

And because my scimitar has the nick property, that second attack discounts my action, so I can still use a bonus action.

So I will go ahead and use a rally on Welly, because I think she's maybe a little hurt.

Oh, nice.

Great.

Eight points of temp HP.

Thank you.

You inspire me.

Fight's not done, Welly.

We write a new story this day.

Okay, so that is back around to Welly.

Welly, you're facing off against this puddle of ooze that used to be Bulrick, and as you're standing here, in your pocket, you can feel William Schitz grinding feverishly against the amethyst.

But wait, it's the wrong side.

That's the twig in your other pocket that's thrumming.

Oh,

the twig that Sir Hilda Garnett didn't want me to use.

Um, I take it out and I inspect it.

Use it?

You look at it, the tiny etchings, hundreds of intricate stars carved in the wood seem to shimmer.

This is the twig of mayhem, a chaotic relic from the age of stories.

This wand channels magic not from the gods, but from something wilder.

It has three charges, and you can use it to cast a spell.

You just won't know which one.

Oh my.

I look down at the ooze, and I look at the twig,

and I feel the call of the unknown.

But I am going to use my sword to attack

the ooze.

Hell yeah.

The shine from the opal sunsword has not worn off just yet.

That's a nat one.

No!

I was distracted.

I was distracted by

the twig.

Ah, my heart's not in it.

You look at the twig, and the glimmering lights distract you for a second.

You turn to stab into the ooze, but it disperses and you miss.

Sudrick, it's all you.

I've got this twig that's kind of twinkling with stars, and it's making me wonder about powers beyond the gods, which feels heretical, but enticing.

Yes.

Also, you're a bit too handsome without your helmet.

Please put it back on.

Yeah, you have stunning features.

Thank you.

I hate you.

I look away bashfully.

As you gawk at Zudrick, the ooze swipes up at you.

That's only a nine to hit.

I asked the ooze sincerely, was it the twig?

Did it distract me too?

The ooze gurgles away shamefully.

And now that's Lila's turn.

This ooze is actually very, very hurt.

So she's going to pick up the axe and try to hurl it at the ooze.

Yes.

That's a 14, a natural 14 to hit, and that gets the oozes AC because it is eight.

Yes.

Lila

all of her might hurling this axe at what is left of her tormentor and does just enough damage.

You see the axe plunge into the pool and the ooze splashes away and Bulrick, the ooze,

everybody has been vanquished.

This cavern is clear.

I guess I go over to

Sir Holden and see if there's anything left of her.

You can give me a medicine check.

Alright, I guess

I'll try to give her a potion and see if that does anything.

I assume she's probably beyond that, but I'll give her a potion.

And I got a

16.

That's a great check.

And you hold her, you pour a potion into her mouth, and you watch as it just drips off the side of her lips and down into her helm.

She is at rest.

May I,

humming the ender's waltz, go over to this dragon and sort perform like a

ceremonial be at peace sort of thing, even if it's just closing its eyelids or something like that, just to try to send this poor dragon off to whatever the next stage is rather than delaying its existence here to rot, infester, and corrupt.

Yeah.

So you wade through the pool towards this dragon and the long dead body of Sir Hilda Garnet atop it, and you can give me a religion check with advantage, since there's nothing happening around here now.

I think I'm I'll go over a little scared, but also a little sad to see what they've become.

But I just, I really want to send them off, respectfully still.

Okay, that's just a nine.

I think that though I tried to put on a brave face with Bulrick,

it's hard not to see what's become of the Age of Stories and not

feel it as

profoundly estranged from where we are today.

So I think I maybe my faith is

a bit shaken.

Yeah.

Wellie, I.

I.

it is possible that much of what Bulric said is true, but his conclusions are

wrong.

Yeah.

Yeah, I understand.

I do, I do.

It's just a momentary feeling of how truly far it is.

I wasn't jesting when I said you were chosen, and I do think you have chosen yourself.

Stories are something that cannot be buried, cannot die.

And

whether you like it or not, I think we've become part of a grand new one.

Yeah, I

suppose I still just feel sad to think think that this dragon and Hildegarnet were probably once beloved by the gods, and whether or not the Hilt attacked the other gods,

it does seem that they were abandoned in some way.

Look at the fate they've come to.

Yes, but it is a fate that all men share.

All people.

Yes.

Maybe.

Whether blessed by the gods or not.

Yes, perhaps it is irrelevant whether they were blessed by the gods, but we can remember them.

And you see, Zudrick

sort of bows his head more towards Sir Holden,

who I think he feels a little bit more of a kinship with than anyone from the Age of Stories.

But all of the crows join him in doing like a crow funeral when they like

go around like a fallen friend or something like that.

So all of the crows fill the cavern around the dragon, around Sir Hilda, around Sir Holden, and we all sort of bow our heads.

Boggy's going to uncork the whiskey with his teeth, pour everyone a cup, and then pour a little bit over the dragon and Sir Hilda as well.

All of Boggy's buds return to the bog someday.

Indeed.

You know what?

Thank you for doing this.

Here I was trying to do some sort of divine ritual, but actually these human rituals seem just as respectful.

And so do the bird ones.

Oh, yeah, that's a I've considered that kind of a human ritual.

I'm assuming you came up with that.

You didn't?

Did the crows just do it?

Yeah, the crows just do it.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Let me take that again.

I guess these human and crow rituals

are actually just as respectful.

Yeah, I guess.

And actually, Salem is very sensitive, so he appreciates that as well.

I haven't noticed that yet.

Yeah.

Wow.

Well,

he's been upset with you.

Really?

Okay, well, if we're getting it all out there, William Schittz is really pissed at you.

This isn't helping, so

he's pissed that you got squished.

As you guys hang your heads and bicker quietly during the funeral, a sense of peace and calm falls over this cavern.

Maybe, well, you didn't get to make a connection far back into the age of stories, but coming together and mourning and remembering everybody's story, that's kind of the best you can do in these situations.

And you realize that maybe the age of stories isn't completely past.

Maybe you are still telling it.

And this story is not over quite yet either, because there's still the small matter of getting Lila out of the keep and bringing her home.

And that's where we'll end our session.

How are you with traps?

Can you sign on this that you were rescued?

So you can listen to us talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

Don't sing yet.

We've got some stuff to plug.

We've got shows coming up for Dimension 20.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl on June 1st.

We're going to be in Seattle on July 20th.

And we're going to be in Las Vegas in November.

Search Dimension 20 live to get tickets to those.

Anyone else have anything they'd like to plug?

Oh, yeah.

And if you wanted to get hyped for the

Hollywood Bowl Show, we put out a stupid little trailer with an

overly dramatic spooky horror version of welcome to the jungle yes it's not stupid it rocks emily wrote welcome to the jungle i mean it's silly yes that's awesome silly so it's just something fun to get hyped with yeah be on the lookout for that yeah um sick i'll plug flcl reanimated uh it's one of those projects where a bunch of animators get together and they like redo an entire episode of anime uh so like every animator takes about like five seconds i think so it's just like this very fun kind of gallery of a bunch of different animation styles

and it's for for FLCL, which is one of my favorite shows.

So it's really cool.

It's really fun to revisit.

Heck yeah.

And check out my sub stack.

Substack.com/slash at Jake Hurtwitz.

Emily, did you start one yet?

No, I think, dude.

Another week goes by

with a solo plug.

Wow.

How many posts have you made, Jake?

How far ahead are you?

I haven't posted since I started it, but I'm going to post soon.

All right, so he's anyone's game at this point.

Emily, you could overtake him.

And with that, you can follow us on social media that Remy or May not use at Siege FirstMe, at Calde's Caldwell, at Xfords Emily and at Jake Herwitz is Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's NEDDPOD.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T aka, Balner's Boy, Hoyd's Friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trayley the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R., Jordan L, cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Tar Gott, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NB DM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike H, Alka Smelter Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carbro Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Old Cobbs Dunkel, Older Burn, Hercule Poirot, The Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Raiko,

Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC,

Taylor B,

Cass Strong Grinch, Steven, shoutouts to Bowie the Troll C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival Frederick, Stein, von Mussel, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Pithy Witch, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Var's Assistant Issy F, Big Bad John, DPC Is Awesome, Sean the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zelboldar, Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena, aka Valay Sea Raptor, B.

Perky Always, Pat L, Laura H, Serve 16, Annie the Fae Wild Therapist, Pierogi Frenzy, Connor S, Salil, BioCourt 7, Amber Dextrus, Bean Rat Was Innocent, Trub Hop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valen, Podge, the bitchin' bunny bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Eric B, Marcos, learns the balanced druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, Cal misses the D5s with all her heart, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time, Cody C, McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and youngle Andrew and Sid, John Adams, we can be done with the presidential puns.

Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F, Austin S, Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C, Barpo Goodbarrel, Bard Barian, Garrett G, aka One Big Curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Valkyrie, the Gert Sea Brother, Anthony, the rattest of dudes, Jay, the fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie wearing barbarian.

Lexi loves the two crew.

Thank you, Lexi.

MJ, the BFG, Roger L, No Drog, the

Barbarian, Jean-Luca, Leon K, Legendary Hero of Bohumia from a Future Campaign, Shenanigans O'Connor, Joshua S., Alexander, Linz W, Skylar K, Johnny Dude K, The Mischief of Nad Pod's Familiars, Pavu Eskinar, The Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim M, Tiles L, TR, MLG Cheeto, Shell B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl.

Thank you, DM, her crits, for the romp at Skulldova.

Excited for the day we get to come back to it.

Snailis, who's infecting Worcester from within, Der Sigende Nuchen, Pawpaw Skydays, Mima Skydays, Megan N, Kaisen the Jester Jouster, Anthony B, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Benjamin A., Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikel A, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Kelsey A, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P, Cam the Frogman, Dean, Jake W says, Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star.

Steve L, Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibadabachri, Kaylee, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W, whose satyr-barred whisker is basically a crick elf, Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur, working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, Chupac Aubrey, Boney is Dead, Cone Pace, the Duke of Silk's missing son, the Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis Kunari, Ignition Class Petal Storm, Nadia the Dice Druid, Charlemagne, Not the God, DJ Dramamine, Alrich von Zerovich, my favorite patron, makes me say penis on my show, and finally, Jessica with a G.

Thank you all so much for listening.

Thank you to all of our Patreon subscribers, and of course, all of our benevolent council of elders.

You can head on over to our Patreon to listen to our after show, The Short Rest.

We'll see you all next time.

That was a head gum podcast.