Skaldova - Ep. 9: The Descent

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skaldova!

I saluted while I said it.

I just want you to know.

He sure did.

I'm your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Taking craps because of traps, Zudrick of the murder.

You would call them craps.

Emily Axpert.

Despite all her faults, she sure knows how to waltz.

It's welly hand dance.

You have to stop falling in love in this terrible place.

No, I've learned my lesson.

A trap taught me my lesson.

Yes, love is the ultimate trap.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner.

B is for the bargain living in.

Oh, no.

O is for my zero living friends.

G times two good golly.

Why am I so jolly?

My life is all fun and folly.

Let's go now.

It's boggy Roger time.

Yay!

Yay!

Thank you.

I sing that every morning after I take a dump.

You guys were a real rat pack.

It's like how cats like get the zoomies after they take a dump, but

the human version of poopy.

Right, because my poop is just laden with toxins.

Foggy has poopy for you.

We were called the muskrat pack, it's true.

Wow.

And before you croon too much further, how about a little recap?

Let's do this.

Last time, our three curious companions explored the final rooms of the lower passageway.

First, you uncovered a single cell that previously held the missing Lila.

Next, you picked through the scared ones' barracks, uncovering personal effects, robes, and a tormented monk named Faye.

She gave you a signet ring claimed by Bulrick and told you about another way down to the ritual site before Wellie cruel intention style kissed her diseased hand.

I don't think you described it as diseased before.

She was rife with black lace.

I think I just learned that.

I just re-listened to the episode and I now have just learned.

Welly fell in love with the specter.

Then you tried to pick the lock into Bulrick's quarters before it exploded forward, crushing Welly and Zudrick.

Zudrick then proceeded to shit in Bulrick's bedroom while the rest of you discovered relevant plot stuff.

I was there too for someone.

One, a burnt scholar's cap in the ash of Bulrick's torched belongings.

And two, a drawer full of garnet stones, which you used along with the signet ring to unlock the vault of Sir Hilda Garnet, the Solar Knight mage.

And that is where we are now.

Okay.

I stab forward into the door.

I'll never trust another goddamn door.

Who's standing there?

Well, I I couldn't tell whose side you are on.

Ours is the door.

I was trying to fart into the door into another chamber.

It's only polite.

Zudric, you've become the trap.

Zudrick looks long and hard off into the distance.

I will contemplate this well indeed.

What is armor except a trap for your own stench?

Zudrick stares into the darkness as this monstrously thick vault door groans open, the space behind it shrouded in shadow.

Zudrick stabs his lance lance forward, and Boggy raises a torch, and you find a medium-sized cavity lined with rough-hewn stone shelves.

Immediately, your light catches something, and it shimmers.

A pool of coins, silver, copper, even gold.

It almost dazzles.

But then, a realization dawns on you.

No, it doesn't.

Boggy, I hold Boggy back.

Relax.

Do you remember how the universe punished me for my carnal instincts?

tackle, Boggy.

Boggy is

right in the knees.

Boggy, my lust for the carnal is similar to your lust for the coin.

I must have these carnal coins.

Everyone, there's traps everywhere.

Boggy basically says, owooga, and dives forward.

I'm going to come.

I'm going to freaking kiss.

Dedrick makes an illegal hit on Boggy, just helmet-to-helmet contact.

It's so rude.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

A realization dawns on at least two of you.

These aren't ancient riches.

This is modern currency.

Your gaze falls on the canvas sacks that it's spilling from, each stamped with a familiar seal, Bulrick's Black Chalice.

Oh.

Okay.

God, I wish we had a way to figure out what, because you can really learn the psychology based on what how they want to entrap us.

Bulrick's Black Chalice.

I guess, yeah, I'll take a freaking swing at the coins.

Okay.

I'm just gonna hit him.

Give me an attack.

Give me an attack on the sack.

It won't take dinted currency, ma'am.

I'm gonna prepare a reaction to attack if a skeleton pops out.

I got a 17.

Amazing.

That's the best you've ever done.

That's not the best I've ever done.

Everyone, relax.

Holy crow.

That's not that good.

Zudrick gets up from form tackling Boggy and stabs forward, spearing a sack.

Coins spray everywhere.

You realize Bulrick has been in here.

He's defiled this place.

The vault isn't overflowing with relics from the Age of Stories.

It's a stash of payment from recent marks.

They'll gotten gain from the poor souls who thought the scared ones might heal them.

Ah, profits from their bum potions.

Okay, so Boggy, it's actually fine for you to go nuts on this stuff right away.

Boggy, while you do that, just to be so sure, will you hold up a coin?

And I think I just want to do like a religion check to see if this will corrupt you.

Well, too late for that, my friend, but go on.

I don't think we

don't need to do a check for that.

I, um, can I do?

I don't even think I have good religion.

Okay, I have a plus two.

Can I do a religion check on Boggy and the coin and see if there's any kind of, I guess I am looking if there's some sort of corrupting effect that's been put in it rather than a metaphorical, does money corrupt society?

Boggy's just looking at it, like, ooh, I can afford the good wax for my boots.

boots.

Okay, just an 11.

So with an 11, you stare at Boggy, staring at these coins.

Boggy,

why do you think Boggy Roger wants this cash?

Well, why does he want the cash?

Why does anyone want cash so that they can buy goods, my man?

He's thinking about improving the campsite, you know, perhaps putting in, you know, getting some fresh shovels so we can dig some new trenches for fire pits and whatnot.

Maybe, oh, it'd be so great to have like a terrarium where we could keep our eels so they'd be fresh until it's time to put them in potages.

Oh, that'd be fantastic.

I think deep down, though, deep down, I think Boggy is looking at this coin and realizing that maybe he can use it to attract his friends to stay with him, to perhaps get them to join him another day at the campfire.

Buy some tints and whatnot.

I think, then, I think then, I feel like Willie actually feels like this is a healthy relationship.

I don't think that Willie, like mind read that but i think that the sense of boggy's relationship to the coin is like okay he's using it right but just seeing seeing all this down here you see uh cedric takes a uh hit from a pipe seeing all this down here just laying around though it's just crazy because it's like we're looking at this and it's like money is just made up you know what i mean yes it's made up of of metals holy right yeah you're right right there's like assigned value to it right no it's usually metals that have been um laboriously protracted from the earth.

Oh, right.

So, usually, the value is the scarcity, the rarity.

No, no, that makes sense.

No, that was totally.

I put it down, I stomp on it.

You come from a place where there's just gold lying around.

I mean, yeah, you kill people, you they leave money behind.

What?

Yes, you raid a castle of like one of the enemy's 17 kings.

They've killed God knows how many kings themselves, and they've got like a big pool full of gold.

You take that, and then everyone kills each other for that gold, yeah?

Is the faraway fjords rich in metals, or is it just the amount of war that's creating

industry?

At any given time, there is one awesome pool of gold, and everyone's fighting for it.

Okay, so you've kind of proved your own point about the scarcity thing.

Wow.

Okay, I start smoking again.

That's awesome.

That's just something to think about.

Have you been a smoker all along?

Yeah.

Zudrick, just how my voice came.

I expected to sound like you, Wellie.

Really?

But you don't even seem to have that much of an addiction because we've been together for several days and this is the first time you've lit up.

Yeah, I just do it because, you know, I don't know.

This seemed like a thoughtful moment to think about coins and stuff.

Well, Bogleaf isn't actually addictive, Welly.

That's a myth that's probably been spread by the churches and the various organizations you're affiliated with.

Really?

I can stop whatever I freaking want.

It's not a portal drug, as people say.

A plume of smoke escapes Zudrick's visor.

I'm hotboxing myself.

All right, I guess it's not the devil's herb.

I give Tabitha a little bit.

Now, that's funny.

Do you blow smoke into her mouth?

No, that...

You're crass.

What is...

What is a fascination here?

Well, you seriously.

I'm a shipper.

I'm a shipper.

She's a bird.

Okay, so as the smoke leaks out of Zudrick's helm, Wellie, you're 11,

will tell you that, like, of course, money, as you know, like, can corrupt, but looking into Baghi's eyes, you almost sense that

he's greedy, but selfless.

He wants all of these riches, but they, you know, all of his desires are driven by

community focus.

Yeah.

Keep the party going.

Yeah.

Have you ever had a heated bath before?

Literally, you need a big tub and you put a fire underneath it.

You just need a big enough tub for it.

And then you can take a warm bath.

It's incredible.

We are only allowed ice-cold baths because it's good for the purity of the soul.

Warm baths make you think impure thoughts.

Okay, I'm getting why the Okanora was spreading the gateway drug rumors.

That makes sense.

Should we, you know what?

We are just going to kill everyone anyway, so you can always grab these coins on the way back.

Well, I say we carry as many as we can, but yes, come back for the mother load afterwards.

All right, that's fine.

So, yes, why don't you each roll a D100?

You guys can call who is gold, who is copper, and who is silver.

I think Wellie's copper.

Okay.

Or silver.

I mean, I don't want copper, so you can be copper.

I think Boggy should be gold.

Oh.

What?

Why?

Because you're covered in silver plate metal.

Your armor is like a big part of your personality.

Iron.

And gold is the color of my teeth.

Look, I just want an equal cut of money, so if we're being cute for now, that's fine.

But at the end, we gotta split this shit up.

76 copper for Welly.

Really high for copper.

Oh my god, 69

yes

silver for zudrick uh just 30 gold not bad yeah this is so great all right this is still an incredible wealth yeah it's still a nice windfall for you guys and as you count it all up you also find a few squat bottles corked and dipped in wax you recognize the swirling liquid inside these are healing potions Ulrich's private reserve insurance against his dangerous work.

You guys can roll two D4 to see how many potions of greater healing you find.

I got a D4.

I'll roll one.

Okay.

I guess I'll roll the other one.

I got a one.

I got a four.

Yes.

Okay, five.

That's great.

That's great.

All right.

Five potions.

Great work.

Oh, shall I go ahead and mix these up with some saffron right now?

I mean, saffron's very expensive, and it actually takes a thousand crocus flowers to make one ounce of saffron.

You just know so much about saffron, Willie.

That's really interesting.

For being so crass, you actually know a lot about stuff.

I I am crass.

You see through to the true meaning.

Well, that's not, I'm talking about the bird stuff, not the whatever you've got going on with Faye.

And what was her name?

Jendalyn or something?

Jennybeer.

Jennevere, yeah.

Keep her name out of your mouth.

Ellie takes a low stand.

She's playing a field.

All right.

All right.

So now that your eyes have moved on from the cash and the potions, you do finally see a few odd items strewn around the lower shelves, shoved aside by Bulrick, refuse from a time he considers long dead.

Kicked into a corner, you find a leather ledger bound with red thread.

It is sodden from cave drip, but flipping through it.

Does somebody want to give me a perception check?

Desperately, I love sodden things.

And I shall help you.

Water damage is beautiful.

Look over your shoulder.

Oh, all right.

So these pages are soaked through and all of the ink has run, but as you flip, the last page is still legible.

Inside, written in a flowing but exact hand, is an inventory of material spell components.

Spells.

Components.

40 shards amber, 2 pounds diamond dust, 10 bolts fur.

Items of incomparable value listed out like a manifest.

And with your 18, you realize that indeed it could be.

It looks as if their last known location is aboard a ship.

A ship called the HMS Solstice.

This must be someone's mixology journal.

When is this from?

Does this seem as though it's from the mages experience, or does it seem as though it's from Bulrick?

HMS Solstice sounds like the age of stories.

Yeah, and the flowing hand that it's all written in looks very similar to the hand of Hilda Garnet, like that flowing H

on her signet ring.

Amber and diamond dust and bolts of fur.

Material components needed for spells back when

What was the destination of the HMS solstice?

That does not say.

Also, staring into this cavity, boggy, you see a bow with no string slumped against the wall.

Look at that.

Could use some good cow's gut, but it's

a fine bow nonetheless.

That's

what arrows?

I don't know that reference.

Oh, when you string a bow, you'll need some fine twine and animal gut.

You can do no better.

Wow, boyers boyers are sick fucks.

Harding, queen, queen.

Oh, yes.

You're as crass as a yeoman, Welly.

You pick it up, you wet your thumb, and clear away some of the dust, and you find the wood below is a rich, golden orange, like honey whiskey.

This long bow is near as tall as you, full of knots, like a meadow dotted with hills and stumps.

And the wood on the grip is dark as coal and worn smooth by the hand of another time.

Welly, bite this bow.

I bite it.

Not a scratch.

That's good wood.

Can I release?

I bet you I could break it.

You'd have to take your helmet off first.

Yeah, why don't you take a swing at this inanimate object?

No, okay, we don't need to swing a sword at it, friends.

It's just a simple, it's a little yeoman humor.

Oh, yeoman humor.

Okay, I like that.

Yeah, I think Boggy takes the old string off of his bow and then strings this one up and gives it a tug, gives it a pull.

All right, very cool.

We will resolve that later on.

Nice.

Zudrick, as you're cracking up at Boggy's joke,

you double over in laughter and you see

pressing against the wall on a middle shelf a pair of rusted gauntlets.

Their fingers curled like claws.

Well, these things are just like new.

I take mine off and throw these ones on without checking for some reason.

Slightly less rusted than yours somehow.

Did I see his hands?

Oh,

wow.

I guess can we do sleight of hand perception?

Yeah.

We just saw you take a shit before, didn't we?

Did we see your ass?

Yeah, I guess you turned away.

You turned away.

I was polite.

I wouldn't stare at directly.

Oh, my God.

I did really well.

I got an 18 perception.

Okay.

Okay.

What's your sleight of hand?

My sleight of hand was only a 13.

Okay.

So I will say that you see

on my hands, it looks like ink, like tattoos or something.

Tattoos.

Okay.

I file this away for later.

I know that Zudrick is like a bird, and I don't want to startle him.

Amazing.

Zudrick, the gauntlets creak as you lift them, heavier than they look, but you press your tattooed hand inside.

They're lined with leather, cracked and brittle under your palms.

There's no flash of magic, no hum of power as you open and close your fist, but they're steel and they fit.

All right, pretty good.

Any scorpions in those gloves?

Hmm, if If they are, they were really old and I crushed them to dust.

So those things are alive, so I'm not afraid of them.

Yes, whenever you put your boots on the morning, you just do a good stomp down.

It's not worth shaking the boots.

Just kick them as you go.

Does it look like these weapons that they found are from the Age of Stories as well?

Yes, to you, it looks like these are, especially like juxtaposed next to all of Bulrick's like more modern additions to this cavity.

These things look like they were left behind by Sir Hildegarnet Hildegarnet and the Solar Knights.

Maybe not of high import, at least not enough to rush out of the castle with and to bulric their, you know, just relics from a time that he considers long gone.

These are relics that cohabitated this world with the gods.

Let's make some news stories with them, shall we?

Yeah.

And as you whisper that, Welly, you see a small item wrapped in old sailcloth tossed haphazardly on the lowest shelf.

Sailcloth, I recognize that.

I'm going to open it.

Inside, you find a slender, braided twig.

Two sticks bound together, not by magic, just by nature.

You run your hand across the wood.

You can feel it's etched with delicate constellations, faint but clear.

Constellations?

The sky.

This twig.

Is it

some sort of sorcerer's wand?

As you stare at this crisp little sprig, a note from inside the sailcloth tumbles to the floor.

I pick up the note.

You recognize the hand.

Sir Hilda.

It reads.

Unpredictable.

Do not use.

Unpredictable.

Do not use.

And yet it is written in the hand of Sirhilda, who I don't know if I trust her judgment.

No.

Nothing to do but, I guess, pocket this.

Sometimes in the heat of battle, unpredictable is the best flavor of combat.

Yeah.

I'm going to put it in the opposite pocket of William Schitz.

That's a good call.

In the same pocket as the amethyst.

No, William Schitz is humping the amethyst.

Yeah, that's right.

Sorry.

Humping is smooth.

But I will put it in the same pocket as the saffron.

I still do not trust William Schitz, so we shouldn't let him have an unpredictable walk.

Though I trust his integrity, I feel like he could hump it and accidentally use it.

He's just been going nuts on that amethyst for a long time, and I feel like you should have finished by now.

He's looking really good.

He's taking his time.

Anything worth doing is worth doing slowly.

Actually, yeah, roll me a nature check.

Let's see how good he's humped it.

That's a five.

He's still warming up to it.

Okay, it's tantric.

It's tantric what he's doing in there.

He's taking his time.

Watch this and get some frogs bluge on it.

It'll really shine.

All right.

So you guys put all of these items on your person.

Whether these are relics or debris from the age of stories is still unknown.

All you know now is that they were dismissed, cast aside, meaningless to Bulric, but perhaps not to you.

Now your eyes drift to the rear of the vault, the damp and dripping stone.

As Faye told you, behind the wall is where the spillpipes run, the old drainage system for the fort and its cistern below.

There is no visible seam in the stone, no hatch or hinge, just rock, slick and worn.

But if you wish to avoid the earthen path, the way into the the depths is through the barrier.

Okay.

Well,y, do you think perhaps this is some sort of sorcerer's trick?

Do we need to caress the rocks in such a way?

It could just be the bricks, could just be loose or something.

I'm just gonna go ahead and poke them all with my lance.

Oh, very good.

Yeah, it does feel as though Zudrich's sword is the greatest defense against a sorcerer's tricks.

Yeah, I'm just gonna stand back 10 feet and freaking poke at every brick.

Okay, a blade can unlock any key.

Give me a poke attack.

Oh, 19.

Ooh, 19.

Wow.

Well, these new gloves, they're just, you know, really, you could just get the wrist into it.

You poke hard into a brick.

You don't find a loose one, but you do notice with a 19 that it chips.

And you feel like maybe if you just go ham on this wall, you might be able to knock it down.

All right, spin attack.

Everyone freaking freaking stand back uh yeah i go freaking ham on it okay uh give me another attack with advantage okay

oh my god awesome 25 to hit oh my god

you take a hit from your pipe hold your breath smash through the wall and exhale a plume of smoke as the rocks come tumbling down.

You've broken through and you can easily pull the remaining chunks of the stone down to reveal the derelict chamber behind it.

It is a chute streaked with grime and rife with clay piping clinging to the walls in jagged segments like broken teeth.

All right, everyone hold your breath.

Really

complies.

How are you guys going down?

It's narrow enough that only one person can go at a time.

Well, let's toss a rock or something first to see if there's a sploosh.

Just do a sploosh check.

Sure.

Okay.

Let's toss a rock.

Hook.

All right.

Wait, I was picking out the perfect rock.

You don't want to waste a good one.

We throw the shitty ones first.

Okay, you throw an odd-sized shitty rock.

You hear it clang against the chute a second or two, and then it hits solid ground.

Cool.

I'm just

a good idea.

This is a good idea.

I'm just going to jump down the hole with my lance out to just absolutely obliterate anything or anyone that's at the bottom.

Brilliant.

It'll do double damage to whatever's down there.

Amazing.

So, Zudrick, you jump in through the crack in the vault into this narrow spill pipe.

It's a vertical drop.

The walls are slick with condensation and something grosser.

It's a tight fit.

You're in full armor.

If you're deciding to hold yourself tight, you can jump the whole way down.

You're going to take some falling damage because it's about 25 feet.

That's fine.

Okay.

So instead of stemming down slowly, you tuck, plummet to the bottom, heavy with armor.

I guess we didn't eat the rock.

Zoom!

You land on top of the rock.

You land on the rock, twisting your ankle.

As soon as I land, not on my feet, I just land in cannonball form with my lance.

And then I get up and I start swinging wildly into the dark.

He landed tailbone first.

You take four damage for rolling your ankle on the rock.

And you find yourself swinging in a wider space, a catch basin.

Dank, but open enough for you to at least, if not stand, crouch low.

And this room is empty.

Who'd you kill?

Nobody.

My ankle, a little bit, it freaking kills.

That's why I should have taken the time to throw the perfect rock.

Yeah.

I'm gonna toss a rope down.

Oh, wait, yeah.

Sure, that's fine.

Can I try to tie a rope to like something in this room that looks sturdy or built into the ground?

Totally.

There's like the ironwork dragon sconces or like the big hulking desk.

I'll do the big hulking desk, like a leg of the big hulking desk.

Okay.

Yeah, as you guys come down,

just it looks like this room's empty, but just like any little standing pool of water, I want to freaking stomp my lance on.

I'm going to keep swinging around doing soul caliber swings.

I'm going to knock into the wall.

I'm just going to kick in the darkness.

This room is so tight.

It's like four feet by three feet.

I'm still going.

You're just going to town.

We've got to get down there.

He's slashing so much.

As Welly and Boggy try to rope themselves up and you just freak out in this tiny stone room, Zudrick, roll me a D6.

Okay.

Is that how many puddles you absolutely destroyed?

One.

As you crouch and swing in this chamber, you feel something moving over your boots.

Oh, there we go.

Looking down, you see a mass of writhing centipedes and roaches gurgling up from the cracks in the floor like a tide surge.

Okay.

Roll initiative.

All right.

Are you guys regular roaches?

Because I don't have anything you.

Okay.

11.

These guys got an 18.

God damn it.

These are regular roaches, but they are starving and they do want to eat you.

Okay.

Did you say there's bugs down there, Zudrich?

There's bugs, yeah.

They're regular, but they're hungry.

Casual?

Sort of.

You can handle that, right?

I just need another minute up here securing the reality.

Half-hitch?

Sheep shank?

i feel like practicing something i i a knot i haven't done before oh go wild okay the bugs are getting in the cracks in my armor bucky and willie sit down on uh bulrick's bed to look at different knot types um as one of these centipedes crawls into your boot oh my god it just crit on you okay

jesus christ this it's a swarm of insects that actually kind of does a lot of damage

okay based on how much damage it does i will do a utilitarian knot.

Have you ever heard of a slithering Jimmy?

That's the knot for you, I think.

Wow.

Okay, didn't roll great.

That's nine damage.

Okay, ow.

Yeah, that's so significant.

I have nothing against you guys.

You guys are just regular bugs, okay?

If you wanted food, you could have just asked like the birds do.

All right, birds, let's go nuts.

Ah!

I called the birds down

into the tunnel.

That's awesome.

Your murder of crows flaps around Bulrick's chamber and then dives down this chute, filling the room and going ham.

The early bird getting the worms.

Yeah.

It just sounds like such a huge battle now.

It's just me trying to get bugs out of my army.

Hey, is that good?

I hear so many flapping of wings.

I've got freaking ants in my pants.

Zedrick and the crows flap around.

That is your turn.

Great.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

I rolled so bad.

10.

Does that hit Bull?

Oh, my God.

It doesn't.

Okay, okay, okay.

okay.

We're gonna come down.

We're gonna come down.

Stab at them, and they just spread out.

Wily.

They're wily.

They are dexterous.

They're fast.

They're fluid.

That's Zudrick's turn.

And Welly and Boggy, now that you know that the situation is dire, why don't you guys roll the initiative?

Okay.

21 for Welly.

Wow.

Great work.

A yearning 20 for me.

Okay.

Sweet.

So that is the top of the order.

That means, Welly, you're up first.

You do that utilitarian nod,

once around nice and even though I wanted to learn a slithering jimmy, it's just not the moment.

It takes five minutes to tie.

You'll learn that one another time.

Okay.

So you wrap the rope around your waist.

Yeah, and then I sort of like go down like a fireman's pole.

Okay.

Maybe getting a little bit of rope burn.

Awesome.

There must be giant black lace insects down there by the sounds of it.

So you repel into this room full of Zudrick and crows and bugs.

Then I'm going to take out the Opal Sun sword and use that for the first time.

Oh,

sick.

Awesome.

A worthy enemy.

That's one easy.

Fuck them bugs.

Woo!

That's so sick.

This room, pitch black, swirling with dark crows and gleaming bugs.

You draw the opal sun sword, it glows against the odds, and you crack into these roaches.

That's 23 damage.

Holy fuck.

Oh, Ow, and immediately after you score a critical hit with a melee weapon or reduce a creature to zero hit points, you can make one attack with the same weapon as a bonus action.

So I will then try to attack again.

You will be attacking a mess of dead bugs.

You've finished them with one swing.

Okay, I think that I like wrap my leg around the rope.

I go down so fast that it like creates smoke

and like a fire almost starts and it definitely is like hurts me, but I'm pretending like it's okay.

And then I just want to stab down like a dagger on like a desk.

That's awesome.

Ooh, and maybe as I'm going, the smoke almost like it does almost create like a fire like solar flares.

Fuck yeah, it does.

Fuck yeah, it does.

The embers from the rope burn streaming off of your gloves, lighting the flame,

and you decimate this swarm of insects.

This chamber is clear.

all right tabitha edgar sabrina go ahead go nuts eat them bugs yeah they're pretty charred i bet they'll be tasty hang on zoody i'm coming point me in the direction of this foul tarantula where is it where is this massive beast be careful i created so much fire that the rope kind of frayed and broke off halfway through foggy jumps down twists his ankle as well um the chamber is still you guys aren't swinging the bugs aren't moving The birds still are, of course, going to town, though.

And as they clear out this chamber of the remaining dead insects, ahead, you see the spill pipe bends sharply at an awkward angle.

You'll have to press yourselves through inch by inch.

The air is growing thick down here, the walls pressing in.

After this fight, your gambesins are clinging with sweat.

You know that once you go past this tight bend, you won't be able to turn back.

Okay.

No return.

Do you feel up to it?

Oh yeah, I'm so mad at Bulrick still.

I'm gonna kill that dude.

Yeah.

If my stinking corpse is left here in some pipe, it'll be after I murder that guy.

Okay, let's do it.

Yes, the scholar's flame must be extinguished.

Yeah.

All right, I do the crawl version of my flying stab, which is just holding my lance forward with...

two hands and just jimmying through

okay you worm crawl with like a a lance as your head, basically.

And a bunch of birds around me.

Do you ever feel like Zudrick has more unique animations than we do?

The birds hop along the chute behind you as you wedge yourself into this constricting space.

Stone pushing against you from all sides.

You inch along the damp floor with your arms pinned, your lance shooting forward.

Zudrick, you're inhaling the iron air with ragged breaths.

Give me a dexterity check to squeeze your body around this curve.

Hmm, Maybe I shouldn't have gone first, huh?

Oh, yeah.

That's a dirty 20.

Nice.

Amazing.

So, Zudrick, you writhe through this passage, corkscrewing your shoulders, finally freeing your arms into the shaft beyond as you pull yourself through.

This is the chute continuing, but it widens out again here enough to stand up.

Don't worry, the shaft widens, everyone.

The shaft widens.

I pass it back.

Foggy,

I heard from Zudrig ahead of me that the shaft widens.

Many a maiden have heard me say that.

I lie.

All right, who's going next?

I will go.

Can I give a help action with my lance?

Just reach it out and try to tug them along.

Oh, yeah.

Your lance can't get fully around the curve, but if Wellie can get towards where the handle is, you can help pull her through.

So, well, you can make your dex check with advantage.

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Dirty, I mean,

tauddry 20.

You wedge yourself through your army crawling.

You start to feel like you can't get any further, but you see the butt of Zutterik's lance and you grab hold and he yanks you through.

Wow, like being born.

Yes, a carnal canal.

I don't remember being born, but yeah, I remember.

You don't?

Do you have?

No.

Vivid memory.

Really?

It's my first memory.

Wow.

It's my earliest memory.

I don't remember anything inside the womb.

Yeah.

Well, that's, you know, that tracks.

It's normal.

Let's get Boggy in here.

Scramble

to try to get Boggy in before Willie talks more about being bored.

Zedric, realizing the small talk is getting too small,

moves forward and you put your lance back in towards the angle.

Boggy, give me a dex check.

All right.

Boggy Boggy covers himself with the remaining bits of lube.

Does a dex check.

15.

15 does it.

You space out thinking about the widening shaft.

And you almost forget to crawl.

And then you grab onto Zudrick's lance and he pulls you to freedom.

From here, now you guys are all in this widened chamber where the spill pipe angles down once more, just wide enough to crawl on hands and knees.

You slog forward, wincing from the stench that's rising from below.

Is it the freaking shit tub?

What does it smell like?

What is the stench?

It smells like...

Is it human refuse?

Yeah, it's not literally excrement.

Okay.

It's kind of like, you know, an ancient sludge.

Okay.

It smells like it smells like putrid rot.

Okay, then actually Wellie likes it.

Ah, the ender's been huge.

Some people would like it.

Yeah, some people like it.

Okay.

Is the ender also

not my favorite, but is the ender also the domain of the commode?

I think so, because it's beginnings and endings.

True.

That is where I do my best praying, I'll say.

Digestion.

Good digestion humor.

See, Wellie, that's kind of crass, but that's my kind of human.

She's there to greet you at the end, and the you could be anything, you know?

And what is the what is the commode, but the end of the meal?

Well said.

Yeah.

Well said.

I feel like we got there.

Bonky starts crying.

Okay.

I feel like the fumes are getting to us, and we need to keep going.

You guys are high on more than one thing.

And now we need somebody to roll a d6 yet again as you drag yourselves through this next stretch.

One.

Do you guys want to fight the centipedes and roaches again?

That is a one.

So as you crawl through this chamber, you feel something move under your hands.

Damn it.

Looking down, you see a mass of writhing centipedes and roaches roaches gurgling up from the cracks.

Zudrick, did you track these from the other room?

Maybe.

Maybe they were in my boot.

You know what?

Let's just hop over these and roll again.

Yeah.

Okay, okay.

Okay, great.

You push those bugs back into the cracks.

Roll again.

Six.

Six.

As you are crawling forward, Wellie, you look down just for a second, just to catch your breath, and you notice a pale, mucus-covered slug, the size of a small dog, inching across your hands.

Now that you've said size of a small dog, Wellie thinks, another friend,

reaches out to pet it.

I kill it so fast.

I, as soon as I see it.

All right, the slug is blind but sensitive to vibrations, but it seems like you guys, one, tried to pet it and then tried to attack it.

Yeah.

So we're all gonna roll initiative.

Yes.

Subdo it.

It'll make a fine pudding.

Seven.

16.

24.

It's kind of poetic that I rolled a seven because it's

it's going to take me your guys' turn to understand that it's not another friend.

Bowl Willie over to kill this thing.

I do another head-to-head tackle.

I land hard on my pocket, the one that William Schitts is.

Oh, no!

You can narrate that!

She landed on the title.

You cannot fucking narrate that.

You can't make that choice.

The hell's the matter with you?

The hell's the matter with you?

Please land it on the amethyst, please.

Wow.

Yeah, let's do a nature check and see if William Schitz is okay.

It was a joke.

It was a joke.

Oh, I rolled really poorly.

I got a five.

Oh my good lord.

He's okay, but he rivets and he sounds really scared.

He does like a yelp, like when you accidentally step on a dog's paw.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that was so sad.

No problem.

It did more emotional damage to you, Willie, than actual damage to William Shits.

I hold an action to cry.

Okay, that is Boggy's turn first.

Oh, Boggy's going to try out his new bow.

I think he's going to try and like aim it right at the head of this slug to try and get it away from Willie.

Okay, this channel, you are on your hands and knees, so if you're going to shoot a bow, I think I would make you do it with disadvantage.

Can't I, you know, grab it with my hands and then like aim it.

Oh, can I like pull it back with my my leg oh oh like you're in like um are you talking about using it like a runner you're making me want to give you more disadvantages like a runner

yeah can i can i fire a prone so i've like got i'm using one foot to hold the bow and then i'm pulling it back with my other foot totally and i'm lying down sounds like it sounds like disadvantage to me

you can definitely you can do that with disadvantage man all right great well i'm gonna use a lucky to make it flat

there you go that's how we go toe-to-toe toe to bow

make him use his own bullshit for his bullshit.

This is how I sleep every night in the bog.

14.

14, believe it or not, hits the slug covered in mucus.

Boggy, like, folds his knee in.

You hear so much popping as he does this move.

I don't think you're flexible.

You're forcing it.

Have you ever done this before?

Many times.

Were you decades younger?

Yeah, it feels like your bones are crying.

Please no.

It's been the same.

You're so ass, man.

You're so ass.

It's been four to 17 years since I did this, but I remember it as it were yesterday.

Boggy breaks his hip to shoot a bow with his toe.

It hits.

What's your damage against the slug?

That's going to be seven damage.

Okay.

And I'll make it a, you know what?

I'll make it a trip attack.

So I can add another D8 to that.

Trip the slug.

Oh, all right.

That's 12 damage total.

And then the slug is going to need to do a strength save.

This slug has...

What's his strength?

God, he actually has a fucking...

He has a

good strength.

And that's an 18.

That's a strong slug.

Holy shit.

We cannot trip.

Yes.

We cannot trip anything.

This like pool of mucus is corded with muscle.

Wow.

It does make sense.

And that is this yoked slug's turn.

So after this arrow

glints down the chute, narrowly avoiding everybody and going into the slug.

This slug is basically on top of Welly's hands, but you didn't attack it.

How much movement does this thing have?

I was actually hip-checked out of the way and Zudrick hip-checked the side.

Well, no, you added that.

That was not true.

Zudrick hip-checked aiming.

I did a

head tackle.

It was very safe.

Okay, so this slug is right up next to Zudrick, and it's going to see if it can crawl through your armor and do some damage.

And that is 21 to hit.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it does eight damage to Zudrick.

Okay.

Ow.

This pipes suck.

Zudrick.

The acid from the slug's bite starts to make your helm and your visor steam.

Oh, no.

We'll need to cut that sack out before we boil it.

The sorceress's curse is angry.

Yeah, right.

What?

Wait, what?

Sorceress?

Oh, yeah, no, uh-huh.

The purple sorceress you told me.

Sure, yeah, I think so.

Must have been the red one.

Yeah, mm-hmm.

Yeah.

Zudrick, that is your turn.

Okay.

All right.

I'm tired of bugs and slugs.

I'm going to slug this slug.

Okay, 19 to hit.

19 definitely hits.

That is 16 damage.

Zudrick, finish this strong slug.

Um, I just grab it in my mask, uh, and I guess I'll kind of try out these new gauntlets.

I'll say, like, I hit with my lance, but for kind of flavor, I would like to reach in with my new gauntlets and just pop it.

Oh, my God, that's awesome.

You little fucking shit.

You squeeze this slug to death.

It bursts in your hands.

Your brand new rusted gauntlets are dripping with slug grime.

Yeah.

Sudrick, I don't think you were supposed to pet it.

True, yeah.

Oh, it's ruined.

Help me gather this slime.

What?

No.

For a pudding, man.

That is true.

I wonder if you could use the slime on your arrows.

Oh, is there any acid left?

Yeah, it did some acid damage.

Will it just eat the arrows or could it potentially be amplify the arrows?

I think it's cool.

I would let it amplify the arrows.

You guys want me to just touch your arrows?

Yeah, let me just dip my arrows in that.

All right, go ahead.

Yeah, I just take the gunk and I just put it all over the arrows.

Thanks, man.

Okay.

Zudderic lubes up the arrows with acid.

Yep.

And you guys continue.

You keep pulling yourselves along the shaft wide enough now that all of you can crouch side by side.

And you finally come to the end of the passage and a sudden drop.

There's a shift in the air here as you peer over the edge, slightly fresher, moving.

You cast your torch over the vertical cliff and see only darkness.

Okay, who's dropping this time?

Do you want me to go?

Should we drop the torch this time?

Hang on.

This is a.

There's a shift in the air, right?

Yeah.

So it is possible that this is the path down here.

We might jump down there, and this might be where Bulrick and the others are, where this connects to the other paths.

Okay, should we blow out our torch and scale down?

Somebody hold on to my ankles.

I hold on to my ankle.

I'm going to sort of, I'm going to half jump down and see if I can hear anything.

Awesome.

Okay.

Surprisingly light.

You say, someone hold on to my ankles as you start already peering over.

Lily grabs her ankles just in time.

Many a maiden has said that to me.

He lies again.

As she lowers you into the shaft, you can't hear anything besides a steady drip, drip, drip of water.

Oh, hmm, what if that's black lace?

We should be careful.

Okay.

All right.

How about would you like me to kind of sidle along the wall and there?

Perhaps I can give a signal to everyone if it's clear.

Yeah, we should do the old.

Why don't we do a sort of a Mission Impossible One style wire down?

We could do that.

Do we want Boggy to shoot a flaming arrow to try to illuminate?

I worry that we would alert anyone further down the passage, though.

That's really fair.

Okay, okay, yeah, let's do it.

Can we do the rope idea?

Let's do the rope idea.

All right, who wants to be?

I'm, you know.

I can go first.

Okay, great.

Yeah.

Do you have any practice with aerial yoga?

I wish.

No, no.

Don't make her think about Ariel Yoga, please.

Because if I had gone to an aerial colour, go ahead and tie that rope up.

I'm afraid.

Yeah.

I'm afraid.

Yeah, no, we know.

We know.

Let's go ahead.

I quick rope around Wellie and just.

Wellie stares off into the distance.

I just toss Wellie down into the hall.

All you hear is Wellie's ragged breath as she stares into the distance and you push her over the edge once she's secured.

How tight would you like the knots, Wellie?

Tight.

Okay.

Yeah, no, we're just gonna do them regular.

We're just gonna do them regular.

Boggy pulls the knot tight.

Your breath catches.

Crazy you say that because Lady Genevieve actually hosted an aerial yoga class.

Yeah, she was a teacher.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So it's just crazy.

It's really crazy that you brought that up.

I don't know.

Boggy.

I find it crazy.

Boggy, she should probably be getting down there.

What was she wearing in the yoga class?

No, that's not.

Why?

Why are we.

You know, Boggy, I never allowed myself the indulgence of attending, but I can imagine.

Come on, man.

Be a horse.

I can imagine.

I start pacing like a villain.

She's not the time.

This is not the time.

She's frankly not the time.

All right, all right.

Yeah, I'm going to toss the rope over like a, I'll try and like get it over like a root or something so we can like pulley her down.

She needs to be like lowered.

Okay, cool.

Yeah, there's like, you know, there's remnants of piping attached to the wall.

You can find something to secure her and get some leverage as you lower her down.

Wellie, your shortness of breath starts to come back to you as you lower down, repelling into the the depths.

I think the

threat of death shakes me back to myself.

Oh, right.

This is more pressing.

Okay.

You collapse against the ropes as she practiced arrow yoga.

Sorry, okay, okay, yeah.

The rope bites into your skin, waking you up as it stretches down into the dark.

You repel into the depths, gliding past pitted walls with calcified deposits.

After about 60 feet,

you know, you can't see much down here, but you've gotten close enough that you see a body of murky water below you.

You are breaking free of the chute into a wide, low-arched tunnel.

The dark water below you is moving slowly through this tunnel like a river.

Okay, I'm

going to drop a really pretty pebble that I found into the water to see if I can gauge the depth of the water.

You toss a pebble, kirplunk, and crack.

Okay, so it's not too deep.

Exactly.

You get the sense that it's not too deep.

I want to try to listen to see if I hear any bows being drawn and maybe also listen to the water to see if it sounds like a natural body of water.

Do you want to go ahead and scoop some of that in a vial and then we can reel you back up and look at it under some torchlight?

That's great.

Okay, so then I'm going to try to take one of our empty vials from our botched plan and scoop the violin to take a sample, and then I'm going to try to go back up.

Okay.

Mission impossible style.

You are completely suspended, horizontal over this body of water.

You dip the vial in so gingerly, avoiding any of the water touching your hand.

You collected this sample.

Okay.

I tug at the rope to bring me back up.

A bead of sweat forms on your head and almost falls into the water.

You catch it just before you.

Oh, no.

Zudrik, did you know that 90% of the silks that the Duke of Silk exports are from yoga silks?

Lily, are you done?

I tug on the rope again.

Yank.

God, what a score that would be.

Can you imagine, man?

Yeah, I don't know.

We could feast for days off of a bushel of silks.

I've got the sample.

Hold up the vial to the torch.

Okay, yeah.

What do we got here?

Okay.

You guys can give me an investigation check with advantage.

Nat 20.

Yeah.

Without even advantage.

Yeah.

Okay.

Well, with the nat 20, you can see this is murky, putrid water, but it is not blacklaced.

This is not the pool below that the scared ones have spoken of.

Regular shit water.

Got it.

It's an underground stream, and it's not that deep.

I think we can

wade through it.

Let's go walk through.

All right.

So you guys are all going to rappel down here?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Let's rappel down.

And you know what?

I'm sick of getting attacked by bugs.

I'm sick of getting attacked by slugs.

Yeah, I can see that.

I can see that.

Let's go ahead and we're going to take a rope.

Okay.

I'm going to take something that we have, some kind of tarp or tent or something.

I would like to.

I have a tent.

Yes.

All right.

Mill dude Valor.

Great.

I start ripping it apart.

It's like caked in deerblood.

Yes.

Caked in deerbled.

I start taking it apart and try to fashion like a makeshift net.

And then I would like to have us walk on both sides of the tunnel, just waiting through to see if we catch anything and then just freak out on

Sudrich this isn't the time to go fishing Baki's really gotten under your skin it's always the time to go fishing when they're freaking fishing us we call this a gator getter oh okay um okay everybody give me dex checks as you uh repel down

10 also 10 16 wow okay um the two tens you guys are repelling you start to move a little too fast uh give me dex saves

so you don't splash into the water below.

You know what?

I might tactical mind.

I'm going to tactical mind it.

Okay, I will actually also tactical mind.

13.

I got a 14.

Okay, great.

Uh, you guys start repelling down.

Uh, the ropes moving fast, but you bite your hands into it, slowing your fall.

And all three of you land one by one in knee-deep cold current.

And you're fashioning a drag net, right, Cedric?

Yeah.

Okay.

So you taken Willie's tent, you've stretched it across the tunnel, and you're dragging along this river.

I'm going to need Murph to give me one final D6 roll.

Okay.

Three.

Ooh.

Three.

This is a good one.

For you or us?

For you guys.

Whoa, it's McDonald's.

I just

the mc rib is back that's two weeks in a row wow it's not affected at all by being in the sewer it looks exactly the same what does this say about their ingredients it's a stock photo jpeg and mcdonald's just right on the ground the one connection point between our worlds

as you're dragging this old uh velour sleep sack through the tunnel you feel it pick up something something weighty is in your makeshift dragnet wrap wrap the net around it get Get the biggest rocks you can.

Biggest rocks you can.

Start stabbing furiously.

No, say it first.

What if it's a friend?

There are no friends in the deep, except for Lila.

Oh my god, did I kill Lila?

Start going through the water.

You stab into your dragnet, into an inanimate object.

Oh my god, no, my enemy.

Oh, if it's an inanimate object, you won't be able to hit it.

Welly,

okay, there's harassing your friends, and then there's a little too much, huh?

Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm really sorry.

Fuck.

Zudrik, she's a crass razzer, man.

You gotta get used to it, buddy.

I'm sorry.

Yeah, we'll talk about it later.

As Wellie apologizes, this object starts floating away from you down the river.

I freaking chase it and I tackle it.

Okay.

Zuderic chases it down, tackles it, and you find a sodden, age-old satchel.

Ooh.

Oh, we caught a bag.

I turn it around and dump it.

What's in it?

You turn it over, dumping it into this murky river.

The satchel is something that was worn by an early inhabitant of the Dawnhold, someone who helped construct this lower passage.

So, tumbling out of the satchel, you see a cracked pair of goggles, you see a torn cloak,

partially because you did a lot of stabbing of the satchel.

Sure.

And then one hard item falls out and plunks to the bottom of this little river.

Oh, freaking fish for the hard item.

You fish for the hard item.

You bring your hand up, holding a steel ring with a turquoise stone in the band.

Anything inscripted inside?

You turn it over.

There's nothing inscripted inside.

Do we imagine this might be one of the other solar knights' possessions?

I think so.

This sodden satchel seems to come from their era.

Yeah.

Perhaps one of the solar knights was also an architect of some.

Well, it seemed like the stones were just important for magic.

Everyone try something on and let's see if there's any lingering magic.

I can't wear the goggles over my helmet.

That would look dumb.

Unless it looked awesome.

Zudrick.

Judrick folds his arms and sees if anyone suggests that he wears them.

Zudrick, do you want the goggles?

I could try them on, I guess, if you guys think that would be...

if it would look cool.

I think they'd look really cool.

Okay, I'll try them on.

Do they look cool?

You pick up this cracked pair of goggles, steel-rimmed.

The leather headband they're attached to is so stiff, and you use all of your might to yank it over your head.

Oh.

Over your face mask.

You pull it over your eye visor.

They're clouded, they're dirty, they're cracked.

But these are dark vision goggles.

Maybe not worn by a solar knight, but just by a maintenance worker.

They used magic for everything in the age of stories.

So you can imagine anybody, just any everyday workman down here, would have things to help and protect them as they did their job.

This steel ring, perhaps it's turquoise.

Maybe it has turquoise-colored snakes hitting inside it.

I put it on and tried to blast a snake from it.

What?

You put it on and you punch the air.

Snake release!

And you punch so hard that you trip and fall into the river.

And you realize as you're floating there that you feel very invigorated, capable, capable, like you could swim for miles.

This is a ring of swimming.

And then I,

as I said before, I love sodden, water-damaged things.

So I'll take this cloak and throw it over my shoulders and then try to swim.

I feel like this stuff is going to be different.

Don't forget to yell snake release.

Snake release and then do a swimmer's dive into the knee deep.

So it's so not deep.

So Willie puts on this soaking wet, rotten cloak, yells snake release and dives forward.

Ow, I hit the rocks immediately.

You do.

You hit the rocks immediately against your knees and elbows and your wrists, but you find that you're wearing a cloak of protection.

And the plus one it offers to your AC prevented you from smashing yourself against the rock.

That's That's crazy.

I'll do some breaststroke.

Sorry, chest stroke.

Do we have what is everyone's

AC?

16.

16.

Mine is 17, so one of you should wear this cloak of protection.

Does anyone want to wear a cloak?

Should we have a quick wrestle for it?

Yeah.

I mean, I'm just going to use my sword if you guys are going to be able to do it.

Okay, so

you don't want it.

No, I'll take it.

I just don't want to wrestle for it.

I'm just being disagreeable.

I'll trade you the goggles for it, I guess, if you think you would be better served with you.

I'm fine.

Although, it's actually a good idea for one of you all to have better AC, because I have, I'm pretty meaty.

Oh, that's right.

And you have the least hit points.

Let's give.

I mean, only if you want it, of course.

I don't know how a cloak over a cloak would look.

Would it look cool?

Oh.

Well, goggles over a helmet looks cool.

We've decided this.

It's true.

We're making some fashion discoveries.

You know what?

Let's try it.

No stuff on stuff.

Stuff on stuff.

Snake release.

Let's do this.

Boggy's new catchphrase.

And then Boggy, that means that Willie gets the ring.

Fine.

No, I actually already have a ring that I was gifted from Timo.

So you can keep both.

No, but it's...

We're supposed to...

Look, the fashion statement...

of our crew right now is that we have multiple of the same stuff.

We wear stuff on our stuff.

We're doubling up.

So you having multiple rings.

If I'm being honest, I do want to be a ring person.

You did kind of dive right into the water, and it'll feel a lot safer around you if you could swim really good.

Yeah, you're right.

Okay, give me the ring.

There you go.

I quickly try to pry the gem out of it.

I'm going to put the ring on the same finger as the other ring.

Wow.

Okay.

Wellie stacks her rings, boggy double cloaks, and Zuderick has goggles on a hat.

Yeah, I'm like a Snyder Batman right now.

Yes, yes, you are.

And as you guys double gear up and stand in this freezing current, you look ahead.

Off in the distance, you see a flicker of orange torchlight spilling through a grate.

Then, voices carrying from beyond.

A croaking, discordant chant.

The monks are gathering for the ritual.

Oh no.

And that's where we'll end our session.

Oh no!

We're coming.

It's finally going to happen.

Snake release.

Snake release.

Snake release.

We're double cloaked.

Can't fuck with us.

Right on.

Snake release.

We'll talk more about this over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash nadpod.

That's NADDPOD don't sing yet.

In the meantime, we've got some stuff to plug.

We've got Dimension 20 shows coming up, specifically on June 1st.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl.

That one's coming up soon, so get tickets for that.

We're also going to be on July 20th.

We're going to be in Seattle.

And in November, we're going to be in Las Vegas.

So search Dimension 20 Live and check those shows out.

Yeah.

I got a sub stack.

Check it out.

It's over at substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz.

Wow.

Every time you plug it, I'm like, I got to do a sub stack.

I want to do

a substack.

Ooh.

And maybe, probably not.

It's probably not this week, but it's going to keep happening.

It'll be soon.

We'll do a double sub stack plug.

Double sub, double cloaked and double sub.

Snake release.

And you can follow us on social media that we may not use at CHRSME at Callie's Scaldal, Caldal, Addie Extras Emily, at Jake RichardsJake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's NEDDPOD.

We are, we are,

youth of the nation.

We are, we are,

youth of the nation.

Would you believe it?

It's time to thank our benevolent council of elders: Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C., Daniel G, Danielle, the dastardly dame, Carpe Liam Victor T Balnor's Boy Hoyd's friend Justin I Danny Danster TJM Trele the Cray Christopher B Damiel R Jordan L Cyborg Version of Josh the Kobald Targat Stevie Waggs Hellish Rebuker The NBDMPHD Alright Princess Yar Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike Hightower, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Carborough, Chapel Hill, FPV, Cece Lulu, Olcob's Duncle, Older Burn, Heracule Poirot, The Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R., Rayco, Jake's Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC, Taylor B., Insert Rance, Uh-huh, Laugh Here, Cass Strong Grinch, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beardo, The Mad, Eric McD, Anorama, Percival, Frederickstein, von Mussel, Klowowski, DiRolo, the third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock, Pithy, Witch, Ben A, Dave H, Not That Nick, Danny F., Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfar's Assistant, Izzy F, DPC is awesome, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer RG, Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, aka Velacie Raptor, B.

Perky Always, Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie, the Faywild Therapist, Pierogi, Frenzy, Connor, Savage, Salil, BioCourt, 7, Amber, Dextrous, Trub, Hop, Dropper, Jack H., King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament, Valen Paj, the bitchin' bunny bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C., Noah, the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago the Eladrin who just wants to hang out with his pet badger Stripey Reverend Chatterbones Han Eric B Marcos Learns the Balance Druid Frida M, Maggie Holly the Green Laughing Hyena Cal misses the D5s with all her heart Aaron B.

Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing.

Yes, every time.

Cody C.

McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood, Yant and Yunkel, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, we can be done with with Presidential Puns.

Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F.

Austin S.

Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C, Barpo, Good Barrel, Bard Barian, Garrett G, One Big Curd, Charlie Brown's best friend, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia, the enchanting bard, and Jared the soap opera cleric who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe.

Blue, Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Damon, son of that one merchant named John, Valkyrie, the Gurt C brother, Anthony, the radis of dudes, Jay, the fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

Cantrip Doubledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi loves the two crew, and we love you.

MJ, the BFG, Roger L., Nodrog, the pass-a-fist barbarian, John Luca, Leon K, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, shenanigans, O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Lins W, Skylar King, Johnny, Dude K, the mischievous Nad Pod Familiars, Pabu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim M, T-R, MLG, Cheeto, Shel B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl, torn between never wanting Skaldova to end and excitement for Dunkel and triplets to return.

Hell yeah.

Snailis, who's infecting Worcestershire for within.

Der Synegrade Knochen, of course, Pawpaw Skydays, Mima Skydays, Megan N.

Cassan the Jester, Jouster, Anthony B., Savannah H., Valnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A.

Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare Verse flight.

The two crew blew through.

Jennery, Kelsey A.

Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Accidental Sharer of Recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B.

Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A., Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Vin Diagram, Catamilius the Consumed, Clinton P., Cam the Frogman, Dean, Jake W., High Mom, Tuesday Cross, the Choose Your Own Adventure Writer, not the porn star.

Steve L.

Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibby DeBachery, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore, Katarina C.

Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls.

Greg W, who Seder Bard Whisker is basically a Crick Elf.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chewbac Aubrey, Boney is Dead.

Keon P, the Duke of Silks, missing son.

The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis K, Ignition Class, Petalstorm, Charlemagne, Not the God, DJ Dramamine, Alreck von Zarovich, my favorite patron makes me say penis on my show, and of course, Jessica with a G.

Thank you, everybody.

That was a head gum podcast.