Skaldova - Ep. 8: A Friend in the Deep

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skaldova.

I'm taken to heaven right now.

I'm going.

I'm a sin dude.

You committed too many sins, Caldwell.

That's for me and St.

Peter to work out.

Repent.

Repent, dude.

I'm your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

You've got to crow to a spit on that thing.

Subject of the murder.

No.

What?

It's timely.

He brought us back eight or nine months ago.

He doubled down.

You have to invest in crow to a coin.

Emily Oxford.

Besties with Boggy and a pocket froggy.

It's Willie Hamdale.

Oh, sweet Billy Jr.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Town.

Noble Robber, Jet Jabber, Door Stopper, Bada Ba Ba Barber.

I'm Skell Doving it.

It's Boggy Roger.

Shout out to Donald's.

So experimental.

And then it also had a McDonald's in there.

Go ahead and spit on that thing.

Slam poetry sponsored by a corporation.

Oh, I thought Jake would like the sponsorship and the slam poetry.

So I combine two of his passions.

I love the angle.

Before we go through the drive-through, though, how about a little recap?

Last time, our three bizarre buds laid claim to the Opal Sunsword, a legendary weapon imbued with an ancient magic and sunken into the stone floor of a crypt, which you freed by coating it in loo.

You then slept in the crypt, leveling up before making your way into the sealed wing of the fortress.

There, you avoided a falling guillotine and decimated some monks who were conducting experiments with black lace in their laboratory.

You hatched a wild scheme to free a terrarium full of cave critters, rescuing them from certain death, and adopting a little frog along the way.

Finally, you inspected a journal on one of the monks and discovered that the ritual which is about to take place will claim Lila's life.

Just then, the scared ones triggered a collapse in the lower passageways, blocking you off.

And that is where we are now.

Okay.

Can we do it?

The quickest short rest in the world.

Yeah, absolutely.

I want to make sure that William Schutz picks out his favorite pebbles to share the pocket with.

All right, so this is how we do it in the bog.

Everyone just stand close to each other and we all punch each other in the jaw and pass out.

And when we wake up, we'll be good to go.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

One, two, three, three.

Boggy.

Yeah, I learned to sock on two.

Only Boggy passes out.

All right, so Willie and Zudrick both punch Boggy.

One fist on each cheek.

I kick Boggy once in the gut once while he's down.

Good, he's out.

He'll get some good rest.

restaurant gets a really restorative nap yeah he's smiling zudrick and welly you guys both take a knee in this hallway as as it fills with uh a dust cloud from the collapse yeah i'm like a hockey player i get down on one knee and i have my lance like my stick just on the side watching boggy sleep staring straight ahead it's actually pretty restful watching him i'm uh i'm just whispering chaste sonnets about the lady genevere to uh william schitz the pocket frog right because i feel like william schitz needs to get the background of like Lady Genevere, her beauty, how soft her gloves are.

Just so he doesn't have a carnal release the first time he sees her.

Exactly.

Okay.

So Willie, you unload all of your baggage on the little toad.

Do you want to give me an animal handling check?

She blows her toad.

16.

Great.

Okay.

I'm just saying, like, the Lady Genevere, she had the softest down on her forearms.

I saw them one time.

Zacher keeps looking forward.

As you tell this story, you notice the frog has been kind of just like blinking and licking its eyes.

But as you whisper, it doesn't blink for a really long time.

Oh,

Chef is totally a pervert.

Here's the thing.

She was hot, so she rolled up her sleeves.

Okay.

Oh, he's going to have a nighttime corner release if we don't wake him up soon.

He's going to have a freaking cream dream.

Bye.

Bye.

Kick Boggy again to wake him up.

The corner, I beg of you.

All right,

everyone wake up.

Maybe we should let him sleep through it.

What?

No, everyone up.

Save that energy, everyone.

All right.

All right.

Carl releases for later.

Zudrick pokes Boggy awake with the butt of his lance, and you guys rise, finding yourself in this once-orderly corridor.

Now the bisected body of one of the monks lies in the middle of it, which you just took a nap next to.

Yeah, unbothered.

His body is already being devoured by the leftover insects that didn't hitch a ride on Welly's shield.

Beyond the corpse, past the lab door, the hallway continues for another 40 feet until it vanishes in a settling but swirling cloud of dust, the aftermath of the monk's desperate cave-in.

Whatever lies beyond, wherever this ritual is taking place, the most direct path is blocked.

But this corridor is not empty.

Two open doors line the right wall, with only shadow visible beyond, and opposite them, on the left wall, there is a heavy iron door bolted shut.

Okay.

Bolted.

Quick peek.

Tie a rope to the handle.

Use the lance.

Tug it from afar.

Everyone stand out of the way just in case there's a dart or a boulder.

I kick the corpse.

I fucking hate these guys.

I just feel like we've been through all the traps.

What traps could possibly be?

There's always traps.

They were going to use freaking, yeah, some kind of smoke that they were putting the poor toads through.

Do you think William Schitts is a trap?

I pulled up the frog.

Look him in the eyes.

That's a sweet toad, right?

No reason to trust him.

Billy Schittz blinks at you.

Zudi.

Zoody, please.

Young Billy Jr.

deserves no scorn.

He'll have to earn it.

I go and I, I guess I'll tie a rope to one of the handles.

I stand far away with my lance, make sure everyone's out of the way.

Yeah, I'll prepare in action to attack.

And I yank it open.

I guess I'll just do the closest door to me.

That's not the iron door.

Okay, so that closest door, it's already a little bit ajar.

You tie a rope around the handle.

You yank it.

It's on rusted hinges.

It...

Falls off of the hinges and collapses into the hallway.

The corner of it, smashing the monk's skull.

Oh!

Okay.

Sweet dreams.

A definitive end.

All right.

Let's grab.

Okay.

I'll grab a torch off the wall in here and I'll do a little poking.

Okay.

And I'll literally do a poking.

I'm just going to start stabbing with my lance

into the empty room.

So Zudrick sidesteps over the body, poking his lance forward.

Careful.

What if there are more critters?

Oh, quicksand.

That's what the other trap could be.

I just remember.

Watch out for quicksand.

Well, they don't all have to be different.

They're always freaking dropping the floor out on us and shit.

It's true.

I remember that, and I started poking at the floor as well.

I'm doing just full soul caliber swing around spins with my lance.

It's incredible to watch him work.

Just banging your lance on the stone.

Yeah.

It's echoing throughout the corridor.

He's a one-man army, really.

Like a one-man stomp.

Yeah.

You poke your head and your lance into this first room.

As you poke your head in, you realize it's not a room at all.

It's a cell.

It's not quite as small as the dungeons behind you, perhaps meant for prisoners of a higher rank.

The iron door is hanging open, just having pulled it off.

Inside, the space is sparse and cold.

The stone floor is caked with dust.

The far wall has collapsed inward, a cascade of rubble spilling into the room.

Okay, is there anyone in here?

Are there any corpses or anything?

This room is empty.

What strikes you most is a single cot with the blanket still folded, a single set of manacles bolted to the low wall, and a lone plate next to a clouded glass.

Weren't there three adventurers?

Oh, dear.

Can we take one more look at the

transformed fellow that we bested with the chandelier?

Yeah, you can inspect him.

Do you want to give me an investigation check?

Yes, I will check his pockets and also the rest of him, I suppose.

Oh, 16.

16.

With the 16, you don't find any signs that this is someone who is not just a scared monk who's been transformed by black lace.

But with your 16, you can also see into this room that it looks like there is something carved next to the bed, carved into the wall.

This is the one that had the manacles in it, the room

of solitary.

Yes, let's look at the carving.

Yeah, what's in what's on the carving?

Perhaps it could be the cipher for that scrap of paper we found.

Oh.

Probably not, but it's worth looking at.

Yeah, I think that's an ancient thing.

This seems more right now stuff.

I'm putting it in the clue pile regardless.

All right, so this wall is crumbling, but you clock what looks like fresh scratch marks at the corner of the bed.

And Boggy, you go over and you take a look.

There's a carving in the stone.

You see a rose with the initials M-D.

Sir Matthew Styre.

Oh.

That is his very sigil.

So it was Lila who stayed here.

I think.

Okay.

And she was dreaming of her betrothed.

Yes.

Can I check under the mattress to see if any messages were stored there?

Yeah, let's turn this room upside down.

Right.

Yeah,

I want to inspect the cloudy glass to see if there's any remnants of black lace.

Yeah, same thing with the plate.

So, Zudrick, you stab your lance into the mattress and twirl it around your head.

Hay flies everywhere.

Wait, maybe you take the room before we come in because I can't work around the ceiling fan of a lamp.

I just feel like we could have taken our short rest in here.

There was a mattress.

So, just below that MD, Boggy, when you kick the mattress aside, right at the base of it where the mattress meets the wall, there is a more direct message.

Oh.

He fears the pool.

He fears the pool.

He fears the pool.

We've seen this somewhere before.

Yeah, well, that was where the ritual is happening.

Yes.

Seems that there is some sort of dark woman presiding over a pool.

Is that what we learned?

He fears the pool.

Maybe Bulrick is afraid of the power he withdraws.

Yeah.

So maybe we could try to push him into.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, he's got his phone in his pocket.

If we're tabletoping, he's got his scrolls in his pocket.

Oh, could you imagine?

If we're tabletopping, I call being the table.

I call distraction, of course.

All right, then I'll be the shover.

I shove the wall to practice.

Give me an attack on the wall.

Nine.

What is with you in inanimate things?

I don't know.

I just don't have.

I don't have the follow-through.

You just sprain your wrist.

Can you see through that helmet?

Sometimes.

Well, it's full of vomit from yesterday, if you remember.

Or no, actually, this morning.

Yes.

Do you you need a minute in the cell alone to clean your helmet?

No.

We promised we won't be.

I'm fine.

All right.

Well, you inspect the glass and the plate,

and you find, you know, stale breadcrumbs, maybe some residue of water.

It would seem like they have not given Lila any black lace yet.

Like, they're saving it for the ritual.

They're saving it for the ritual.

Okay.

Well, I suppose there's a chance that Braxton and Holden were held in the other cell.

I mean, they're probably dead, but yes, maybe.

There's also a chance that they've already been transformed.

Indeed, or a darker fate awaited them, which is that they betrayed Lila.

But I wish not to think on that.

Oh, I mean, I don't really care between them what happened.

I mean, I guess I hope they're okay, but like, I don't know, I don't feel personally too much about like their inner friendship dynamics.

Yes, be honest, how do you feel about betrayal between blood and kids?

Pretty bad, pretty bad about it.

Yeah, so that is that bringing that up, and that's why you're trying to deflect so hard immediately.

Zudrich, Zudrik, look in my eyes, look in my eyes, Frog ribbon.

Zudrick, look at me.

Ribbon, okay.

There is faith and trust in all people.

I say this and then I tabletop him.

I wasn't even there.

I know.

I don't trust you to let me be the table.

I just take one step back.

What the fuck, Boggy?

Willie, where were you?

You didn't dispatch me.

I gave you the signal.

What's the signal?

You distracted me from something.

What was it?

I swear.

Don't say pushing someone, but that can't be the symbol.

Didn't you see me blink with both eyes?

What?

I'm going to go check out the other room.

Wait, Zujik, real quick.

Hold the pocket frog and think about your feelings for two seconds.

I don't trust the pocket frog, okay?

Calm down, Juju.

He's been around for 15 minutes, okay?

All right.

Ribbit.

He could have secrets.

He could be a polymorphic.

Wizard for all we know.

I'm going to sort of cover William Schutz's ears.

Don't listen to him.

He's deeply disturbed.

Everything he's saying is about himself and not about you.

Okay?

Okay, William.

His unblinking eyes flit around the room.

Swampland creatures are all pure.

They desire one thing, and that's to eat bugs and hang out.

Those are two things, but I consider them one.

Yeah, great.

Okay.

Okay, let's go in the other room.

I feel like we've gotten all that we can out of this.

I actually find it really hard to hang out when I eat.

Really?

Yeah, just the idea of collapsing those two things because I find it really hard to carry a conversation when I have a task at hand.

Listen, when we are done here, we are going to have an absolute banger of a feast, and I will teach you how to hang out and eat at the same time.

Okay, I'll keep an open mind.

It's true.

After every mission, we would have a big feast at the bog.

We called it Boggaroo, and it was quite a time.

I just

feel like I don't understand when you're supposed to be chewing and when you're supposed to be talking, and this transition from one to the other feels really complicated.

Cedric is tapping his foot like Sonic the Hedgehog, just waiting at the edge of the door.

Oh, good idea.

A song.

I take out my

loots.

I do my rope trick again.

I put a rope around the handle of the other door and I open it and I dive out of the way to make sure there's no darts.

You yank the door as Willie plays her loot with you stomping and time.

Time with your impatient tapping toe.

It crescendos as the door yanks off its frame and crashes onto the floor.

And no trap is sprung.

No basket of snakes.

All right, is this another cell?

I swing my lance around wildly into the room.

Okay, you charge into this chamber.

It is deep but narrow.

Expansive yet claustrophobic, with dim candles burning in cracked lanterns, leaving half the room swallowed by shadow.

Oh, geez.

Disappearing.

Into the shadow, a rows and rows of stacked cots, seemingly going on forever.

Threadbare, dilapidated, empty.

Oh, geez.

The room is sparse.

Whatever warmth it once had is long gone.

Chandeliers hang crooked and empty.

Trunks at the feet of the beds are knocked over and forgotten.

The scared ones may have once enjoyed creature comforts, but they are different creatures now.

You remember Darwin Wednesday's words.

When my brothers and sisters consumed that dark draft, that's when I lost them.

How long have these candles been burning?

Do we get a sense from how much wax has pulled up?

Great call.

Do you want to give me a perception check?

It's an eight.

An eight.

Does anybody want to give me a perception check?

I make a little figurine with the pooled wax.

I got a 17.

So you guys all look at the candles you take in the room.

It seems like they've been burning for a long time.

They're low.

They're guttering.

The monks have, you know, inhabited this space, but they've been inhuman

for a while now.

Yeah.

Okay.

You know what?

Why don't we get dressed up in the robes?

Let's throw the robes on over our armor and whatnot.

Maybe it'll give us the element of surprise to a certain extent.

Can we search the trunks for a third robe?

Yeah.

So we don't have to do

on your shoulders.

Right.

Yeah.

Unless you want to.

Okay.

Yeah.

Do you guys want to give me some rolls as you pick through the trunks?

I get a 12 investigation to try to find a robe.

I got a 17.

Ooh, six.

Okay.

In these open trunks, you find the robes that belong to the scared ones.

You also find a bunch of personal effects, things that, you know, normal people might have hung on to.

Boggy, you find a golden chain tangled around a silver locket.

The front of it is engraved with the sign of the lodestar.

Oh, jackpot.

Quite a fancy chain.

It's a locket, right?

Crack that.

Crack it open.

Crack it open.

I'd already put it in the treasure bag, but okay.

Boggy.

Yeah, Boggy.

I saw the gold, not the potential memories within boggy rifles through the treasure bag for a shred of humanity uh you open the locket uh and inside is a picture of a young girl what color are her eyes are they piercing blue

it's a black and white photo uh but you don't recognize her or anything okay wellie you pick through uh a trunk as well you find a small pouch of saffron uh inside the pouch is a jagged piece of untreated amethyst

oh like a a crystal that hasn't been refined?

Yes.

Wow.

I've got good company for you, William Schitz.

You are going to be in the swankiest pocket of all river toads.

Yeah, can I inspect the amethyst?

Does it remind me of any part of Skaldova?

Does it remind me of any jewelry I've ever seen anyone adorned in?

Or is there any sort of divine hum or emanation from it?

I think those are the things I would be thinking of while I looked at it.

Okay.

This amethyst, it doesn't strike you as, you know, having any magical or historical quality to it.

It seems like it's just someone's cherished item.

But

how much do you think you've traveled across Skaldova?

I know, not much.

I think I've literally followed the path of the river, just walked under the oaks of the river to get down to what I now know to be Solset.

Okay.

But we call Mudtown.

So yeah, you don't necessarily know where this, uh, where this came from in Skaldova, but you do know that whatever it is, it was something that somebody wanted to hang on to.

Yeah, no matter what it, it was someone else who saw sort of a metaphor for the human condition in every rock and pebble they find.

I hold it up as I say that.

The frog's trying to eat it.

Oh, shoot.

And Zadric, in your trunk, you find a moderately small robe and also

a letter pressed with a flower.

Okay, I crack the letter.

It reads, Dearest one, I will not ask you to stay, but I will wait until the winds shift or the stars change their course.

Wolf.

Why wolf?

Why wolf?

Why wolf?

Because this seems to have been received by one of the scared ones.

Oh, I think, right?

Unless they, yeah, there's...

You're right.

I saw only the poetry and I didn't think of the tragedy that someone is basically sending a letter to someone in a cult saying, hey, will you come home?

Yeah.

Is there a signature?

I look for a signature.

No signature.

It seems almost like a note that someone got before they went off into the keep.

Yeah.

Like a goodbye message.

Yeah.

Well, you know, maybe...

This could have been stolen by the scared ones and it could be long to one of the three adventurers, but in all likelihood, this person just dedicated themselves fully to this terrible cause and, you know, cut off all outside family and friends.

Yes, indeed.

It do be like that sometimes.

Yes.

Does everyone want to smell the saffron?

The little take a wish.

Yes.

Yeah.

Okay.

Rivet.

I put on my small robe.

Cidric?

Yeah.

Over the armor.

I think that it would fit better if you took off the armor.

I can't.

You can't?

You're cursed.

Are you cursed?

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, you're cursed because you can't take off the armor.

I'm cursed.

Yeah, of course.

Who cursed you?

Who cursed me?

Who cursed you?

What magical hex has been placed?

A sorcerer.

What?

Yeah.

You know a sorcerer?

Zudrik, you know a sorcerer.

You know, three sorcerers.

Three sorcerers and three sorcerers are just coming up now.

Just coming up now.

Yeah.

They're different colors.

There's a red one, a blue one, and a purple one.

There's a purple sorcerer.

Yep, there's a purple sorcerer.

The red.

Well, the red and the blue one, they do like a fusion dance, and then they become the purple one, and the purple one.

So they don't actually, and they cast a curse on me, yeah.

Zodrik, just tell her that your shorts stink.

Just tell her that you've got swamp ass.

I just am not.

There's freaking darts coming out of the walls.

I'm not taking my cloak off.

I whispered to William Schitz.

Did you hear that?

Sorcerers are real.

Ribbit.

Skinny robes are in now.

I don't care what the kids are doing.

Zodrika as you stretch this robe over your armor,

you guys hear something in the darkness, the rustling of bedsheets.

There is someone in here, and they're restless.

Whoa, I charge towards them and grab them and hold them up against the wall.

Okay.

Steady on, friend.

Zedric, we mean you no harm.

You sprint forward, tiny robe flying off of your armor towards a frail figure barely noticeable on a lumpy bed.

Oh my gosh, a scholar.

Yeah, I'm grabbing him.

Are ye a scholar or a fish baron or a sorcerer?

Quick!

What did you hear about the sorcerers?

Remove their glasses so they cannot see.

Us, yes, laughing.

Oh, yeah.

You found us.

You found us.

Yeah, we sure as hell did.

Oh, geez, you're going to be a tough interrogation.

You love it already.

Fuck.

I punched the wall and I just hurt my fingers.

I'm so bad against inanimate objects.

Why are you left behind?

Why aren't you good?

If you're laughing so much, why aren't you at the damn ritual?

Did you not get invited?

Oh, we weren't expecting visitors, were we?

You wag your finger in her face and she smiles, revealing high cheekbones and a chipped tooth.

Wait, are you are you Faye?

You remember Victus's words when you mentioned Faye.

You have a friend in the deep.

Okay, hey, Faye, why are you here by yourself?

Are you like good?

Are you out on this stuff or what?

I I mean, you're laughing a lot, which is bad.

I thought you were supposed to be scared.

Oh, there's nothing left for us to fear.

Not for us, but perhaps for them.

Oh, shall I warn them?

No, let's let them see for themselves.

Oh, oh, she's cooped up.

She's cooped up big time.

Yeah.

Okay.

Hi.

Okay, Faye.

What's your favorite song?

Okay, interesting question for Faye.

Zadric, are you holding Faye?

I think I've got her like by the collar.

She's laughing and stuff.

I'm just like, I don't know.

I just got to loosen up.

All right.

So Faye's head is like lolling around.

She's giggling, talking to herself.

And you ask her what her favorite song is.

And she cocks her head.

And she says,

I like music.

I like music.

I like music.

Do you like happy music or sad music?

Or body music?

Ribbled tales.

but we no longer listen to music do we we don't need to be merry we need to be vigilant yes that's true but you can be vigilant about cool stuff instead of the shitty stuff you're vigilant about down here turning bugs into bigger bugs who who told you you have to be vigilant why why it is self-evident in the in the in the cavern is it not

yeah

okay so no one told you to be vigilant you're just protecting yourself

bulrick didn't set you up here to be on watch watch or anything.

Bulrick?

Bulrick, the bullshit artist.

He left us quiet, Faye.

I wanted no part in his ritual, and neither should you.

There's still time to turn back, or you can venture ahead.

Let them try and stop him.

Faye, we really appreciate the warning, but we really want to help Lila.

Did you meet her, the young girl?

When you mention Lila, She throws her head back like she's fighting something internally.

I think like I want to give her a chance to just like work it out.

Take your time.

Take your time.

Yeah, we're friends of Darwin Wednesday.

He misses you.

Okay.

So, Zudrick, you're placing.

I'm gently putting her down.

Yeah, I think I had, I think, like, as soon as I grabbed the person and it was a scared one that was just unarmed, I put the, I put her down.

Okay.

I think, yeah, we could kind of transition from like

holding her against the wall in a threatening way to then kind of like a fraternal arm around the shoulder.

Yes.

I'm doing like sort of just basketball defense, making sure she doesn't run for something.

But like other than that, I'm okay.

Non-aggro.

Zuderic, you're staying on the balls of your feet, but you guys are giving Faye some space to process everything that's going on.

Yes.

Yeah, I'll pour her a little bit of the peach whiskey that we've got to calm her nerves.

Always helps me.

Okay.

All right, great.

And let's do...

Oh, God, I hate doing this.

I guess we should just give her a health potion.

See if it helps her.

Maybe it'll help heal some of this black lace stuff.

Yes, wise.

Okay, yeah.

Fun wasting it on a damn stranger.

Probably going to betray us in a moment, anyway.

Well, let's see, though.

I mean, if we give her too many things to drink after she was part of a cult in which they made people drink stuff, she might be a little dodgy about drinking, anyways.

Okay.

So we'll let her drink.

So mix them together.

Would you like a whiskey sour, but with potion instead of

put some of of that saffron in there, too.

Oh, yeah.

Do you want a saffron rim?

Oh, wow.

Okay.

Yeah.

So you guys are going to, you're going to do a cocktail, a mocktail.

No, it's a rim.

It's a cocktail.

It's a cocktail.

Oh, right.

Yeah.

Because it's not them at this point.

Yeah.

It's a whiskey in the potion.

Okay.

Sweet.

But we're offering it to her.

She can watch us like pouring it all and everything.

Since she seems frazzled by her whole experience so far.

Yeah.

All right, great.

So do you guys want to give me a...

Trying to think what kind of check this would be for the medicine.

Oh, yeah.

A medicine check.

Right.

Okay.

Does anyone have decent medicine?

I have a plus one.

It's not negative.

That's the same as me.

I have a zero, so no.

Okay, I'll give advantage to Willie.

I honestly, I'm going to be honest.

I think that we should give advantage to Boggy.

I know that he has a plus zero, but he is like the cocktail maker.

Okay, but.

Of the three of us.

All right, but.

Call it all.

All right.

Rolling.

This seems interesting.

This seems like an interesting strategy.

I actually love this, so let's lock it in.

Yeah.

Okay, all right.

Boggy is the mixologist.

All right.

Remember, I think it's mostly, it's like not like three parts whiskey, one part potion.

It's more like four parts potion, one part whiskey.

Yeah, the whiskey is a float on top.

Have you ever pour it a float?

It's like we repour it on a spoon.

Oh, I prefer to see it.

It goes just on the top.

Yeah, I prefer a sandwich, a little on the bottom, and a little on the top.

Okay.

There we go.

Got you to let a bog me.

Great.

So, Boggy, give me one roll raw.

Okay.

See what happens.

Well, I'm going to use a lucky.

Great.

So I'll roll it with advantage.

Thank you very much.

Okay.

And that's a nat 26.

See?

I knew.

I knew.

Really?

Wow.

The Lone Star's intuition.

I just, I didn't take him for a cocktail guy.

Ah, damn.

He's just a party guy.

I'll drink what's handed to me.

You know that he makes whatever someone comes in asking.

True.

Too true.

Even if he doesn't drink cocktails himself, he's an entertainer, a host.

He is.

I agree with that.

I mean, you guys are hilarious.

So you mix this amazing cocktail.

Faye, who has had like very jerky motions, grabs it and tosses it back.

Free, wheeling, fun-loving Faye, who had more humanity than most, wrestling now with morality.

She feels that whiskey flow through her, fighting with the black lace, and she starts dancing.

There we are.

I liked music.

Okay.

I did like music.

The ender's waltz.

She grabs you and she spins with you, Ellie.

The Ender's Waltz.

I actually know this one quite well.

I perform a perfect Ender's waltz.

Yes.

Yes.

I know how to lead a partner, right?

Right.

From all the balls at the monastery.

Okay, I guess, well, all right.

If we're, um, you know, if it's necessary for the mission and to get information from Faye, I should probably play the loot during this.

Yes, please, Zudrich, it will help.

I'll try.

Alright, give me a performance check.

Okay.

Damn.

One sec.

Down it.

It's tuning in.

One sec, it's still out of chance.

Yes, yes, hold on.

Down it.

I can waltz to you tuning a lute.

That's fair.

Oh, there it is.

Very nice.

Everybody gets deer before Easter.

Hang on.

That's E at the end there.

I got a nine, so I think I mostly tune it.

And then every time I play a chord, I go, this thing's out of Tune.

This thing's out.

Brownie, around.

Oh, you're playing it.

Refusing to take off your gauntlet.

So it's hard to hold down.

It's just off the right chord.

William Schitz, back him up.

Ribbit.

Yeah, I can.

William Schitz hop

onto the loot and give him a help action.

Oh, yeah.

Jeez.

His webbed fingers slam onto the fretboard.

I did even worse.

So I'm so dubious of William Schitz.

It's fine.

Honestly, if I'm waltzing with like a girl, I could actually use my pockets free.

Like,

I don't need a pocket frog right now.

I'm like, kind of flirting.

No frog, but she's feeling froggy.

You waltz through this haunted cavern with a specter as your frog looks on.

And I just do.

And you twirl Faye, and she comes to rest, breathing heavy.

She doesn't look healthy.

She still looks tortured, but like she has some control of her faculties.

And she says, tell them, Faye.

Tell them.

Yes.

And Faye says, I waited.

I held myself back.

I couldn't do what they wanted us to do.

I couldn't do that to the girl.

They tricked her.

They tricked her.

And the lace must be a choice.

It must be a choice.

How did they trick her?

She shakes her head.

I only drank it.

I only drank it because I wanted to belong.

I only came here because I wanted to belong.

That was why I came to the castle to belong.

And now, and now I'm lost.

I'm cast out.

Well, what did you do that you got cast out?

And honestly, being cast out of a group like that is, I think, a badge of honor.

It's better to be cast out by high marks for character.

Yes, and you have.

You still have friends on the outside.

Your friend Darwin sent us.

Yes.

If you wish, we have a shield that we can use to lift you up into a hole.

Faye looks down at her hands and her thin forearms, veins pulsing with black lace.

And she says, I can't go back.

It's too late for me.

But

you're right.

You're right.

Maybe that's not where I want to belong.

Bulrick.

Bulrick took everything from us.

From me.

He took everything.

So I took something from him.

What did you take?

Oh.

She tiptoes over to her bed.

I sewed it in.

I sewed it in the mattress so I wouldn't forget.

You hear her fingers tearing at the cloth, and she pulls out a gold ring.

She comes over to you.

This is a gold ring darkened with age, signet ring with a garnet stone in the center.

It looks like a ruby.

And on the side of the signet ring, a flowing H.

Flowing H.

H.

H.

Do you know what the H stands for?

Faith smiles with her chiptooth and shrugs.

You stole this from Vulrick?

Yes.

Yes.

Yes, I took it from Vulrick.

And he couldn't find it before he had to flee into the cistern.

He fears you.

Did he need it?

He'll want it someday.

Her eyes go bright.

They collapse the passage, but there is another way.

An older way.

Oh.

The spill pipes behind the walls of the vault.

You can still access the cistern and the pool.

Okay, is there any monsters or anything waiting for us behind that iron door?

Is that the vault?

Oh yeah, piranhas.

And there are piranhas in the cistern.

Faye smiles and shrugs.

Faye, do you know why he fears the pool?

Everything he's created is a test.

They're experiments.

He's been trying to perfect the effects for himself.

But now that you're here, he has to rush.

He fears the outcome.

But he's going to do it anyway.

Has he never taken black lace himself?

Faye looks at you and shakes her head.

Like any good cult leader, he never ingests.

Yeah,

okay.

Faye, do you know what happened to the other two?

Not Lila.

Yes.

It's okay, Faye.

Tell them.

No.

No, it's shameful.

Tell them, Faye.

It's okay if you ate them.

She cocks her head and smiles.

Did you trip your teeth on one of them?

I wish I could have eaten the boy.

Okay.

Whoa.

Tell more.

But you couldn't because

he's still alive.

Or.

He lives.

He lives.

He lives.

He's the one that delivered Lila.

Oh.

Whoa.

There was a blood betrayal.

Did he take the black lace?

Faye smiles and shrugs.

Or maybe he was in.

Yeah, he was in some sort of conspiracy before they ever left off to begin with.

What about the guard, Sir Holden?

Sir Holden, it's okay.

Tell them everything.

They need to know.

They should know.

Let the whiskey work.

A shaky hand reaching out for another swig.

Careful, he might not crit on every cocktail he makes.

And Fae says,

Sir Holden, they forced her to drink it oh god

okay so braxton is a rat sir holden was an innocent bystander and lila was the mark okay is that is it h for holden is that where bulrick got it did he steal it from sir holden i hold up the ring

fay shakes her head no he had it long before they arrived long before that okay

all right did we see yeah let's let's give this ring a good once over let's inspect it Just see if there's anything.

Yeah, like a flowing curved H with a garnet stone.

The names on the sword.

Sir Hilda.

You don't think.

Sir Hilda.

Foggy.

As you say, Sir Hilda Garnet, the stone seems to glisten.

Oh, Garnet.

Wow.

I wonder if he's collecting an item from every single one of the knights.

Or maybe didn't we see a woman, an image of her?

Is there a corrupt knight that is commanding this?

That is the true puppeteer.

Is she the one who died?

One knight died

in the final battle.

Perhaps.

And does her soul linger here?

Faye,

any of this ringing a bell?

Faye smiles and shrugs.

Okay, Faye, it's been great.

It really has been.

Yeah.

Let me top you off.

But you look, you might not be lost yet.

I don't know the effects of this this black lace necessarily, but perhaps when we stop the ritual, some of the side effects will lessen for you.

Yes.

I have been a part of many causes that I have turned from,

and I hope that you are offered the mercy to do the same.

Fay, it pains me to say so, but I do know a scholar in Goodport, or at least someone who's dating a scholar.

And I think that perhaps

with some research, they could help in this pursuit to overturn this curse, but I can make no promises.

I spit as I say it.

Faye looks at you.

She looks at her hands.

You're in uncharted territory.

What you say might be true.

You look in her eyes.

They're dark with black lace, but a small glimmer.

Maybe hope, maybe doubt.

She shrugs and smiles, and she turns and goes back towards her bed.

Fay, is this where you would prefer to stay safe?

For now.

For now.

We'll see if you can stop the ritual.

And if you can, maybe there's hope for me.

For us.

Faye, we will not let you down.

Yes.

There will be a grand feast after this.

You are invited to Bogaroo.

You and I shall be doing the Ender's Waltz at Bogaroo.

And I'll finally get this damn thing in tune.

She twirls and spins back into her bed.

Maybe you can save her, or at the very least, maybe you have given her her final dance.

I grimace and go,

right?

I think before I leave, though, I do want to give her a little kiss on the hand and a nightly chaste kiss on the hand.

Okay.

I think that when we were dancing together, I really like her smile and stuff like that.

So I was feeling it.

But then when she talked about how she wanted to eat the kid,

I would say that was a red flag moment for Wellie.

It's well intentioned.

But he was the, he betrayed his sister, so he's a bad guy.

Oh, yeah, you're right.

Yeah.

You're right.

It still just was really intense.

I mean, hell, I don't like the guy.

I'd eat him.

Really?

You've never eaten a guy.

Should maybe I've been repressing a proper amount of, yeah have you i don't know i honestly i would i'm saying i would so you've been around a lot of war camps full of just mysterious stew pots i imagine yeah for sure that's what i'm saying i don't know i'm not 100 sure again like i was saying to fay i've just been a part of a bunch of like different knighthoods and stuff and i was like wait this main guy's a bad guy maybe he was feeding us other knights for dinner Okay, all right.

Well, so I don't know.

This is one bad guy we have to stop before more feedings take place.

Yeah, I think that, um, I think after this, maybe we should go to the fjords and um go after whoever's um a cannibal.

Well, there's just too many.

There's a lot of cannibals.

Well, I don't know that they're cannibals.

Just if you're talking about just like people that are causing problems and killing each other, that's the problem, right?

Is that you go and you kill the one knight or you kill the one king, but then another guy comes up or then they're like, we had this thing, it was like called like the War of the Seventeen Kings, and there were so many kings in like five square miles.

It was wild.

God's alive.

That's a lot.

That's just too decentralized.

Is that how you all?

Yeah, I mean, look.

Yeah.

Look, I'm not a politician.

Okay, okay.

Zuri, come on.

There's got to be like one king that like nobody would miss, right?

And they were just be like, that's fine.

We'll just dig it.

All the time, dude.

Of the 17, there were like...

How many are there now?

How many are there now?

I've been gone for a week, so maybe

less.

Wait, so the War of the 17 Kings was ongoing as he?

Yeah, I mean there was a war of the 17 Kings, it was a war of the 12 Kings.

Okay, so the numbers decreasing.

Well, some well then there was the War of the 13 Queens and the Five Kings.

Whoa,

wow.

Real girl boss moment.

Yeah.

Okay, I see.

So everyone was like, we're done with kings.

Right, they said that, and then everyone got furious.

And it was just like, blow back.

Yeah.

Yeah, so now it's back to the game.

It's a mess right now.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Second thought, let's not touch that.

Yeah.

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For sure, yeah.

Well, I think that.

Um, I think that Welly on her travels is realizing that like it was was never going to be with Genevere.

So I think she is going to go ahead and give a chaste, ambiguous kiss on the hand to Faye.

Okay.

Do you want to give me a constitution save?

What?

Yeah, I do.

No, please don't have a carnal release.

Matt 20.

Yeah.

Oh my.

Is that good or bad?

I think it's great.

This can go exactly how you want it to go.

I think how it goes is that I put put my lips to her hand, but then like before I come up, I like glance up at her.

So it's kind of flirty.

And then I move my lips away, but then like one lip like lingers a little bit.

Everybody's getting some at Bogaroo.

A string of saliva.

Connecting her bony hand to your lip.

Yeah, cruel intention style string of saliva.

So Drick takes a knee again and is just waiting by the door.

Should we knock her out?

I don't know.

Oh my God.

I am going to also tuck her hair behind her ears.

She's in love with everyone.

We have to go.

They hums the ender's waltz as you do.

I'm going to, yeah.

And then I flex.

I walk away so rigidly because I'm flexing.

You've just got to get her laid.

There's just no way around it.

Yeah.

Wow.

She is just in love with every woman we meet or talk about or read about, really.

That's go.

Oh, my muscles are shaking.

I'm flexing.

I don't think we've said a woman's name that she hasn't been in love with.

Let's stop testing.

No, we haven't.

I can say emphatically we haven't.

Well, be careful.

Oh, well, what about this, Sir Hilda?

You got to be careful.

Yes,

I will be careful with that.

And be careful around William Schittz.

Why?

You think I'm a bad influence?

Because my soul is so corrupted by carnal design.

So just because we don't know this toad yet.

You're right.

Yes.

You're right.

He is humping that amethyst quite a lot.

You've got to separate the podcast.

Yes.

He's trying to tumble it into something smoother.

All right.

The alchemy is a literal alchemy mirroring the alchemy of the spirit.

I get it, William.

Yes, let's go ahead.

Which of us is not smoothed a pebble in bed?

The frog is wrapped around the amethyst like a tree frog.

Glad everyone is finding love right now in this terrible room that sucks.

Let's crack open the freaking vault.

The vault is is going to...

The candles gutter out as you guys exit this room.

Wow, those are long candles.

Well,

perhaps you could focus your energies on picking this lock.

Yeah, I can do that.

I picked the lock, but it's like, really?

She's teasing.

Exactly in the way that you're imagining.

No!

I don't think you need to flick it quite so much.

Oh, my God.

You cross the hallway.

You cross the hallway, rigid from flexing.

You approach the closed door.

Okay.

It is heavy, made of bossed steel, tarnished with age.

A chunky crossbar spans the frame, padlocked to a sturdy latch.

Just above it, a dead bolt with a smooth worn keyhole.

The door is double locked, sealed, shut.

I'll try to pick that lock of the dead bolt.

So you're using your hairpin, trying to pick the lock.

Using my hairpin, my cloud rune, aka my uh lodestar rune, gives me advantage.

Okay.

That's another fucking not 20.

Yes!

Oh, man.

I really.

Damn, Wellie's on.

I just needed to waltz with a girl.

The flush in those cheeks.

Okay.

Unfortunately, as you go to pick the lock, the entire steel door detonates forward, ripped from its hinges with a sonic shriek.

What?

It's triggered by any attempt to touch it.

It was a church.

It was a jerk.

I don't know.

It rockets across the hallway like a siege engine.

Who was standing in front of the door?

I was.

I mean, we were all right there.

We were all there.

Yeah.

Okay.

Everybody give me deck saves to

avoid being rammed into the wall.

Jesus, not one.

Oh, no.

Eight.

16.

All right.

Boggy, you sidestep the iron door just as it bursts forward from its hinges and whistles past you, taking with it Zudrick and Welly.

Wellie's still

beaming.

I just quickly say, oh, it's strapped.

Wellie finally having some confidence

from her situation with Faye.

This is punishment.

I had a decent box.

The door smashes you hard against the stone wall for

15 damage.

Damn it.

All right.

Should we just drink our fucking potions?

I'm so mad at myself.

I kicked the door.

Well, you use it.

I'm alright.

I'm fine.

I mean, perfect.

We have two and two of us got absolutely fucking rocked.

The iron door falls forward from where it's pressed you guys against the wall.

How is this place usable?

There's just all of the shitty places are open.

All of the good spots fucking blow up.

Why didn't you just sidestep it?

God,

I don't.

Okay.

You know what?

I'm not worthy of this potion.

Yes, you are.

It is my indecent thoughts that caused this.

No, it's me not checking it for fucking traps.

I kick the door.

I kick the dead mom.

Kind of his job.

I just pick up his, I pick up his head and I just soccer kick it across the like across the hall.

Fuck.

Guts.

Reins just spray against the stone wall

as it bounces down the hallway.

I do think it's wise to drink the potions as opposed to taking a short rest because they're clearly alerted to our presence now.

Do we have the potion rules that we use in campaign three?

Which is if you use an action, you can get the full.

Yes, sure.

Nice.

All right.

I drink my potion.

Fuck.

I...

I am so sorry.

I got so distracted.

This is all my fault.

I'm going to take a shot of that whiskey.

Okay.

Please, yes.

You know what?

I'm so fucking pissed.

I'm just going to lace my.

I'm taking out.

I'm using all the potions.

I crack the poison potion and I pour it all over my lamps.

Oh, sick.

Okay, here we go.

Should I, does this feel like the moment to coat the no?

Let's wait for the day, Glow.

That seems kind of special.

This is just, I'm hoping to infect someone before they die.

We can assume anyone we find this deep is just kill on site, right?

Because I'm, I'm so mad.

Oh, right.

Oh, yes.

How um how many temp HP do we get from from the whiskey?

It's a d4.

Okay.

Nice.

Oh, yeah.

Okay.

All right.

I'll take a freaking shot.

All right.

Okay.

Yes.

All right.

You guys are pissed.

You're hooking up.

You're getting hit by doors.

You're drinking potion, swigging whiskey.

No, we're not hooking up.

Yeah, I run.

That's where I went wrong.

Freaking soul caliber swing around.

Okay.

You're the last person we're being quasi-nice to, except for Lila, because she got tricked.

Braxton, I'm going to fucking rip you in half and flip you.

Okay, let it go.

Just like Faye would have.

Okay, yeah, I'm starting to, yeah, yeah.

Yes.

All right.

To turn against your sister like that.

To turn against your chum.

Yeah.

Imagine if William Schitz did this.

Oh, I look at the toad.

Rivet.

With skepticism.

No.

Rivet.

You guys get so pissed.

You rile each other up.

You charge into this room as the dust is settling.

And immediately you're thrown off by how different it is than the rest of the castle.

Not neglected, barren, or forgotten.

This room is cozy, lived in.

Against the right wall, you see a double-width mattress packed with feathers.

A lantern at the bedside illuminates a large room.

This is freaking Bulrick's room.

This piece of shit.

I'm so mad.

I ruined his room.

I fucking ruined his room.

Yes, let's trash this fire.

Fucking shit in the middle of this room.

Everyone turn around.

He's taking off his armor.

He's taking it off.

Joel's your eyes.

I take off just the butt of my armor.

He broke the sorceress curse.

Shit in the middle of Balrick's room.

I think Wellie's going to picture herself in her own baseness and just

rail on the mattress.

Okay.

So angry at what an unserious person she is.

I just opened all of the cabinets.

Take that.

So Wellie self-flagellates on the mattress.

Oh, we should have investigated before I took a shit.

Zudrick takes a shit.

And Boggy, you run around pulling off books on the bookshelves.

But as you approach the bookshelves, you actually see that they are entirely empty.

So you have this large mattress that Welly is going to town on.

There's a lantern at the bedside illuminating a large sagging tapestry.

A velvet robe draped over an oak chair right near where Zudrick just took a shit.

Two leather sandals kicked off in the center of the room.

At the far end of the room, there's a wide desk, which is sitting before two imposing ironwork sconces shaped like dragons, with thick beeswax candles burning in each of their maws.

And lastly, directly to your left, where Boggy just went towards the bookshelves, they've all been pulled off the wall with the trunk splayed open.

The contents burned to ash.

Only the brass lock on the trunk remains, bearing the initials B.G.

Should we go ahead and take a shit in this chest?

Yeah, good measure.

I'll try.

I might be all tapped out.

Honestly, I think I have more.

I was a little nervous when I did the first one.

Well, as I said, the bog deer just goes right in.

Yeah, I'll take a shit in his trunk.

Okay.

As you bend your ass over the trunk, everything that's inside it is burnt beyond recognition.

Curled pages, leather bindings, journals, books, letters, all of them gone, deliberately destroyed.

And just before Zudrick can pinch one off, Boggy, you see something that is of note.

Hang on.

A blue cap.

Clinch, friend, clinch.

Boggy, you see a blue cap with bronze stitching.

There's a tassel that's been burned off, but you recognize this hat.

It's the exact type of hat worn by the Scholars Guild in Goodport.

Friends, this is no ordinary cap.

This is a scholar's cap.

This is a foul garment for the skull of a brain-swollen scholar.

Do you think it's

could he have been in league with this?

I think Bulrick is a former scholar.

It all makes sense.

Smell it for a whiff of fish.

Don't smell anything.

Casey is one of you.

I was really hasty with the shooting in the middle of the room things before we invested.

I go to walk over and slip.

Let me go.

Fuck.

He's so tired.

I lying.

Relly hyperextends her knee, slipping.

Wait,

this is what I deserve.

I take a pouch like I'm cleaning up after a dog.

And I clean up my own shit.

This was hasty.

I did this.

I was a different guy when that happened.

And I just want to apologize to everyone.

And I put it like

a magical bag that I've got on my adventures inside out.

Like I'm doing like I'm sleeping shit.

Like I'm scooping dog shit.

And I catch up my shit and I bring it outside and I put it in another room.

I put it next to the guy's corpse.

Zudrich, why is your shit so pale?

Yeah,

I'm very sick.

Okay, let's look at his desk for sure.

Okay, yes, let's just ransack the bitch a scholar probably probably wrote stuff he probably read stuff Yeah, as you go over to the desk you see that all of the drawers have been yanked out and they're splintered across a worn rug There is one slim drawer with a small iron keyhole and it's closed a small iron keyhole.

Wait

now what do we think about this?

Do you want me to try to pick the lock?

Yeah, but instead I tap it and move Anything?

Give me a perception check to try to see if there's a trap here.

Here, I'll give you the help action.

Appreciate you.

Oh, 19.

There we are.

Great.

Zudrick, as you inspect this lock, you see a tiny little copper coil

going from the back of the desk under the worn rug up into the wall behind the dragon work sconces.

God's damn scholars.

Okay, I walk over to the sconces, I pick up the sconces.

What's happening back here?

With your 19, you can deduce that turning that lock is a trigger for a cone of fire to spray out of the dragon's mouths, incinerating anybody standing at the desk.

Cool.

That is actually pretty dope.

Alright, that's sweet.

But this guy sucks and I hate him.

Do we think this is just a trap or that there might be something in there?

Is there a way I could finagle it so that I was underneath and out of the way of the cone of fire, but try to pick the lock?

Let's army crawl.

Maybe get under the desk and like turn the lock that way can we sort of triangulate what we're just yeah I'm just gonna fucking kick the dragon I'm just gonna maybe we could just rip him out of the wall yeah okay

yeah I'm just gonna break the dragon attack on the iron dragon it seems like that would also trigger the it though I got a fucking 10

you

pound you pound your fist into this iron sconce uh and it glints off cool okay yeah let's army crawl wait what if we went?

What is the desk made of?

The desk is made of wood.

Can I go underneath the desk and see if I could carve into the bottom of this drawer?

That's smart.

Wow.

That's really smart.

Okay, give me a sleight of hand check with advantage.

Okay.

I'll give her help action, yeah.

Dirty 20.

Koi 20.

Amazing.

Wellie, you army crawl under the desk, avoiding any poop on the floor.

No, I already cleaned it off.

No, I already slipped in.

No, I already did.

And I

laid there.

My boots were already covered in shit.

Yeah.

You army crawl under the desk, spreading more poop across the floor.

Right now, I feel like I deserve it.

This is just a metaphor for me, smearing my shit.

Yeah, I said it.

My shit all over Skaldova.

Okay, well, Wellie, no.

Wellie, crawling through shit

to avenge Faye.

You turn over like a mechanic under a car and you carve out this drawer and it comes down on top of you.

It is a velvet lined drawer and a burlwood ring box spills out, open and empty.

You can deduce that this is the ring that Faye gave you.

Yeah.

And also, since you went in from the bottom, you see as the velvet lining flies off from the drawer, you see something under the lining.

As you pull up the fabric, you find a circle of red gems inlaid into the wood, more garnet stones, and they encircle another carved, ornate H.

Oh.

What surface are those on?

That's on like the wood bottom of the drawer that had a velvet lining over.

They were hidden under the velvet lining, but since you went in from the bottom, you would find them.

Yeah, perhaps this has some sort of magical.

Yes, I would say that these are go towards the feast budget for later, yes.

Buy ourselves a boiled swan with these.

Yeah, Wellie, you can easily pry out these inlaid garnet stones and you pop them all into your palm.

Does it look, though, as though they're like a circle that has some sort of,

by being in a circle, they're doing something other than the ornamental you can give me, do you want to give me an insight check?

10.

Yes, it's a great question.

And with the ten, I would say it doesn't just seem random or decorative.

Okay, then I'm going to keep them as they are and just bring the whole wood with us.

Okay.

I feel like this is maybe.

If this is something Bulrick likes and it's part of the ritual, I think we should destroy it.

Well, is it part of the ritual or is it getting in touch with Hilda Garnet, in which case we might want to appeal to her or at least distract her momentarily?

If she's friends with this guy, I don't trust her.

Or maybe they're not friends and they're both trying to use each other.

Hmm.

I get the sense that whatever Hilda Garnet did, whatever dark deal she made, or whatever ghastly remnant of life she's clinging to, it seems that Bulrick is merely spelunking and trying to profit off of her misery.

Was the magical effect created by it?

Was that powering the fire coming out of the sconces?

The fire from Zudrick's inspection looked like it was set by Bulrick

to prevent anybody from stealing his gems.

Just, yeah, just mechanical.

Okay, you know what?

Let's take them all out and then put them back in and see if we feel the difference.

You're most attuned to such divine emanating from it.

So we'll like remove a stone.

Let's make it not an H.

We'll turn it into a four.

It's a circle around an H, right?

Yeah.

A circle around an H.

Cool.

Okay, so let's, yeah, let's mess with the H.

Let's see what happens.

Let's break the circle.

Yeah.

Break the circle.

Try putting one of the garnets in our pocket and see what happens.

Yeah.

Let's give some of it to Boggy.

Yeah.

Very good.

Feels right.

Ring-a-ding-ding.

Okay, do we see a difference?

I'm going to try to...

I'm just going to feel for it.

We're gonna feel for it.

It's fine if we feel nothing.

Let's all hold hands, see if we can feel any sort of vibe shifting.

Let's get woo-woo.

Let's get woo-woo.

What?

This room, this room reeks of shit as you guys get woo-woo.

I get it.

I want to just apologize for my rash moves.

No, honestly, it was the medicine I needed.

Well, the problem is that, like, I cleaned it up, right?

So, like, he's just going to come back, and we're the only ones who had to deal with the smell.

I just feel like, have you eaten any leaves of any sort of leaves?

We're going to kill these.

No, I don't.

Just foggy.

Anyway, yeah, what happens with this stuff?

You guys can all give me insight checks.

17.

I got an eight.

17 as well.

So you guys form a circle, just like the garnet stones.

You try to get woo-woo as Boggy tries to gain any insight from the stone, as well as you try to see if you can feel any of the historical significance from these stones.

And you remember something that you saw in the mosaic, that that purple streak of lightning, when you realized that Princess Lenark had a mage.

And Boggy, with your insight, you realize that this mage might have had a vault or a chamber where she stored her spell components or practiced her magic or read her spell books.

So this could be a key to that vault?

I think this was perhaps Sir Hilda Garnett's study.

Yeah.

Where she perfected her crafts.

Willie, as you say, this could be a key to that vault.

Give me a perception check with advantage.

13.

As you say that, your eyes spin around the room, taking it all in, and they settle on the sagging tapestry.

I rip it off the wall.

I rip it off the wall.

Yes, into the bag it goes.

The tapestry falls to the shit-covered ground.

I cleaned it.

The resale value.

I know, but you cleaned it after I smeared it everywhere.

Yeah, okay, good stuff.

Revealing a battered iron vault, a thick circle of steel built flush into the stone, eight interlocking arms radiating outward from a central hub with a brass crossbar dark with use.

This is it.

This is like the closest to magic that anyone in Skaldova has gotten in forever.

Is it truly possible?

I thought it was just myth.

Do you understand the privilege that we have right now?

We're about to see something that no one has.

Well, maybe, maybe, maybe if the key still works, right?

All right.

Okay.

Um, can I look at so?

I'm guessing, are there eight um garnets here?

Welly, as you look at these eight arms, each of them are marked with fine geometric channels and notches, functional, deliberate, seemingly meant to reinforce the vault.

But when you get closer, you see that set into each arm is a faint circular impression, shallow and clean, partially obscured with the pattern.

Okay, all right, all right.

So, So we're going to need to do a similar rope trick here where we attach small strings to each garnet so that we can get them in the sockets and then yank them back out and right into the bag again.

It could be booby trapped.

Sorry, breast trapped.

But

I think that I'm just going to go for it and begin to put these.

Do the gemstones all look exactly the same?

Like they could go in interchangeably?

As you look at the gemstones, it does look like that.

Okay.

All right, let's put them in.

Yeah, let's put them in.

All right.

You insert each gemstones.

There are seven of them.

There is one small socket missing a gemstone.

The signet ring?

Yeah.

Ah.

Does the signet ring fit in it?

Welly, you push forward your fist with the signet ring, you turn it, and you feel a heavy click echo inside the stone.

Wow.

Wellie the wise.

Oh no, I mean, this was a group project, really.

Um, yeah, let's...

Push it open.

Let's push it open.

Yes.

All right.

With effort, you guys spin the central bar.

One by one, the interlocking arms begin to rotate outward like petals of a steel flower unlocking.

As the last arm shifts, the vault hisses open.

And that's where we'll end our session.

The sorceress's vault.

Yes, I know it's inside.

Finally, we opened a door correctly.

Sorcerers are real.

Oh, man.

Are you glad you got us with one door, though?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm really glad I got you with one thing.

One thing, but it's always Willie.

That makes sense, though.

It's like the most naive

one.

So excited to use her lockpicking tools.

Yeah.

We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod.

That's NADDPOD.

Don't sing yet.

And then we've got some stuff to plug.

We've got a bunch of Dimension 20 shows coming up.

Search Dimension 20 live.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl on June 1st.

going to be in Seattle in July.

We're going to be in Vegas in November.

So be on the lookout for those shows.

Gorgeous.

Anybody else have anything?

Yeah, dude.

I started a Substack.

Can you believe it?

Whoa.

Yeah.

You can subscribe to my new advice column over at substack.com slash at Jake Hurwitz.

Oh, shit.

It's just getting back to basics.

Here we go.

Whoa.

My DM is really railroading me and won't let us do anything fun.

And he keeps blowing up doors in our faces.

How do I handle this?

Shit in his chambers, dude.

That's what you got to do.

I'm going to do a disgusting little double plug.

I was just on an episode of Smarty Pants on dropout.

Oh, sick.

And I was on it alongside Jordan Myrick, who works for Sporked.com with my friend Justine.

It is a food and grocery and snack review site, and it's very fun.

Oh, I met Jordan.

They host Gastronauts.

Yeah, exactly.

Sick.

Yeah, we're plugging websites again.

We're bringing websites back.

Spork.com.

Go to a goddamn website, you flex.

It's about time.

With that, you can follow us on social media that remain and remain at use at chverse me at Called Discall develop at exwards Emily and at Jords as Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NadPod.

That's N-A-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are youth of the nation.

We are, we are, youth of the nation.

It's the end of our show, which means it's time to shout out our benevolent council of elders.

Please bask in your recognition.

Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Car Pay Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyt's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R, Jordan L, Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold, Tar Got, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDM PhD,

Princess Yar,

Jory S, Jack L.

Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike H., Elka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carborough Chapel Hill FPV,

Cece Lulu, Old Cobb's Duncle, Older Burn, Hecule Prauz, Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Reiko, Jigs Jerk Jelly, Hashtag CCC, Taylor B, Insert Wren's, oh,

laugh here, oh,

done,

Cass Strong, Grinch, Steven, shout out to Boy the Troll, C, Mike K, Nick W, William W.

Big Bad Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Anana Rama, Percival Frederick, Stan von Mussel, Klasowski De Rolo III, J Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock.

Pithy Witch, Ben A.

Dave H.

Dustin S.

Not That Nick, Danny F.

Hawkeye Pierce, Bookfar's Assistant, Izzy F.

Big Bad John DPC is awesome!

Shown the shade tree mechanic of Zebel Dar.

Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House in Zunza.

Ariel, the occasional mermaid.

Selena N, aka Full Lacy Raptor.

Be perky always.

Pat L, Lauren H, Serve 16.

Anne the Faywild Therapist.

Connor S.

Salil.

BioQuirt 7.

Amber Dextrous.

Trubhop Dropper.

Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament.

Valen, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard, Druidic Peyton, Carlin C.

Noah, the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey,

Reverend Jattermose,

Han, Eric B., Marcos, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly, the green, laughing hyena.

Cal misses the D5s with all her heart.

Aaron B.

Russell H, a monk named Dilgo.

Yes, the whole thing.

Yes, every time.

Cody C.

McKinna S.

Your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yonkel, Andrew and Sid.

John Adams, we can be done with presidential puns.

Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia.

James F, Austin S.

Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls.

To get get rid of them, turn to page 42.

To keep them, you know you gotta turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C., Barpo, Good Barrel, Barbarian.

Garrett G, aka one big curd.

Bovine Beauty, Renee the Monster Captain.

Olivia the Enchanting Bard and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troop.

Blue, Ash, Fico, Garrett, the Artificer.

Damon, son of that one merchant, named John.

Valkyrie, the girl's sea brother.

Anthony, the rattest of dudes.

J.

The fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi loves the two crew.

Roger L.

Nodrog, the pacifist barbarian.

John Luca.

Leon Komori, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, Shananagin's O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dudke, The Mischief of Nadpod's Familiars, Pavu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim M.

T.

R.

M L G Cheeto.

Shel B., Kenna's first favorite sprite girl.

Congrats to Jake on his first article published.

Love a good Jake Take Who Doesn't.

Snailus, who's infecting Worcester for Within.

Dersingen Nochen.

Papa Sky Days.

Mima Sky Days.

Megan N.

Anthony B.

Savannah H.

Balnor's best friend Steve.

Stephanie of House in Zunza.

Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi.

Papa and Foster's canine friend.

Mikel A.

Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmareverse Flight.

The two crew Blue Through,

Jennery, Nebiznoy, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B., Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A.

Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Pritzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing.

Vin Diagram.

Cadmilius the Consumed.

Elizabeth G.

Sickly but cruel.

Clinton B.

Cam the Frogman.

Dean, Jake W.

Hi Mom.

Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer.

Not the porn star.

Steve L.

Tyler McM.

Alex G.

Zibbity Bockery.

Nicole.

Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore.

Katarina C.

Misty the Crispy Kitty kitty, really hates flame skulls.

Craig W., whose satyr-barred whisker is basically a crick elf.

Is that cultural appropriation or just fan art?

By the way, thank you, Emily.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation mentor working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Chupagabri, Bony is dead.

Cohen P, the Duke of Silk's missing son.

The Waterworth.

Nick.

Amy.

Aegis Kunari.

Carnal Corner Club, Charlemagne, Not the God,

and DJ Dramameen.

Woo!

That is all of our elders.

Thank you so, so much for listening and for joining us and for your lovely support.

We owe you our lives and our livelihoods.

It has been a pleasure, and we will see you here next week.

Thanks again.

Bye-bye.

That was a Hitgum podcast.