Skaldova - Ep. 7: The Laboratory

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This is a HIDGU podcast.

Welcome to the Campaign After the Campaign.

This is not another D ⁇ D podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skull2Falls!

Sing it.

I'm your dungeon master, Jake Hurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Fighting a bookshelf to redeem myself, Zudrik of the murder.

Yes, you are.

Emily Axford.

From the windows to the floor, to the ceiling, to the back of a bore, it's Wally Handam.

Looked at me with second-hand embarrassment the entire time.

He's trying to get me to stop with his eyes.

So cringe.

That one was so cringe, Emily.

It only made me want to do it more.

I think it was the fact that you deviated from the original song right away.

That's window to the wall.

Oh, okay.

So I just thought it was different.

But isn't the famous line is in the window.

Till the sweat drops off my balls.

Okay, I don't really know the song that well.

Also, Also, we were all sitting here, and I was asking Jake a bunch of lore questions.

I was writing, and Caldwell was writing, and Murph made a joke about the notes taking, and Caldwell was like, I'm just coming up with a rhyme.

And I was like, Fuck, I need to come up with a rhyme.

Wow.

And then that song

was incorrectly in my head.

Yeah, I would say what's more cringe is that Murph knew all the words.

You're right.

The song rocks, dude.

Now, let's see what Caldwell came up with.

Caldwell Tanner, can you beat it?

Can you meet that controversy?

Let me jam balls into mine real quick.

A man from a bog who bested some zombies let loose my hog, but I'm still feeling hungry till the sweat rolls off my balls.

It's Boggy Rogo.

Yeah, that's how you do it.

Yeah.

I definitely needed Little John to creep in there.

Little John is part of Boggy's butts for sure.

Isn't Little John part of Robin Hood?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's where it comes from.

He actually is.

Wild sir.

Wow.

Wow.

So, honestly, Emily inserting that song, even incorrectly, was kind of like sort of medicine.

It was a dramatic military.

It was actually beautiful.

It was really intelligent.

It really wow.

I actually didn't know who the singer was or that little John was part of Rob.

Last time, our three strange sentinels charged into the dungeon to face an undead horde and a regular boar.

Welly and Boggy fought off some monks and tamed the beast, while Zudric had a knock-down drag out fight with a bookshelf.

In the guard room, you uncovered the legacy of Princess Lenark's chivalric order, the Solar Knights.

From there, you explored the armory where an ancient map challenged everything you knew about the Age of Stories: a mysterious dragon, the advance of the hilt, a circle in the bog, plus a fleet in the north, a stolen compass, and a star map in the sea west of Mudtown, aka Solset.

You eventually made your way to the crypt, where you found the tomb of Sir Gunnar Summer, captain of the Solar Knights, buried with a sword as his headstone, etched with a familiar name.

And that's where we are now.

All right, I haven't seen it.

Well, he's turned around.

I am trying to yank it out

as I read it.

Okay.

So, Zudric, your hand is on the hilt.

You're wiggling it.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

I think the gesture was

really flippant at first.

I was just like, whatever.

And I went to pull it.

And then I think I see ham dam.

And I try to stop myself.

So maybe I'll do a strength check with disadvantage.

Okay.

Do you need help?

Do you need a do you need a yank?

No, wait.

I feel like this is someone else's moment uh okay what's the yank that sucker i only got a with disadvantage i got an eight great

so you reach toward the sword you get distracted you see the name ham damn and you jam your thumb against the hilt oh zudi it's not going to fit in the treasure bag but we can take it okay yes wellie i think you need to read the sword Oh, read something?

Gladly.

I go read the sword.

Okay.

Huh.

Sir Caspar Holborn, Sir Lachlan Boyd.

Wow.

These are some of the luckiest knights ever to have skips.

Oh, okay.

Sir Hilda Garnet.

That's a pretty name.

What a name.

What a name.

That's an important one.

Cassian Dane.

Sir Leif Thornston.

I have his shield.

I have his shield.

Let me go grab his shield.

I have to show you.

Mystery is alive.

Okay.

Sir Radak Lachmaw.

Sounds like a solid bro.

You're right.

He really does.

Lockmaw.

What a good last name.

Yeah, Willie, yeah.

Oh, and there's one more.

Sir Wilma Ham Jam.

Are you fucking kidding me?

Wellie passes out.

No, gotcha.

You need to.

You need to pull this sword out.

Not drop your voice ten octaves and then die.

Did I just did I just read what I think I read?

Yes, I think your family perhaps was part of this order of solar knights.

You were descended from chivalry.

No.

This is the greatest moment of my pathetic life.

Well, don't have to.

Okay.

I will grasp it both tenderly and greedily.

And I'm going to try to unearth this relic from whence it is separated from me.

Wow.

All right.

As you come to, you fainted and you come back.

You approach the sword.

A ripple of torchlight glides across the carved steel.

Each name an oath-sworn knight with their own tale, their own trials, joys, hardships, and loves.

All seven of their stories, however winding, converged here, etched into the blade of their brother as they laid him to rest.

And now, a new story.

Three unlikely companions, deep in the lost crypt of a forgotten castle.

What tales will they tell of you?

You grip the hilt on the sunken blade.

Wellie,

the DC to bring this blade out of the stone is going to be 20.

Okay.

But you can make a case for me to use whatever skill that you would like to.

Can I give advantage by saying that I did yank it out a bit?

Sodrake loosened it when he knocked his hand against it.

I'll help.

I see it just slightly off kilter, just looking slightly less pretty in there, and I just keep wincing.

If you need oil, I've got more.

I think that Welly would just like to use athletics, but I will drop to my knees and say a prayer.

I will clasp my hands and I will

say in my mind, but moving my lips,

O Lodestar, O Hilt,

O Ender,

I know I am but a lowly squeak in the symphony of this universe.

But if you can hear me

from wherever it is that you've gone to, please know that

I'm really trying.

Just as

the earth forms a rough rock, which the river may later smooth into a pleasing pebble, so I desire to let the bumpy currents of fate tumble me into something

better,

more worthy.

I wish only to know

your protection, your guidance, and your embrace.

Sincerely, Wellie Ham Dam.

You sign your prayer to pray.

You just sign off on a prayer.

You said that part out loud.

P.S.

I've seen Princess Lenarc, and she's so hot.

I mean, has so much integrity.

Okay, since this doesn't actually let her, I can't cross out the mistake, so it's just going to hang there in the air.

Okay, and then I'm going to try to pull out.

Yes.

Give her a tug.

Okay, so you try to shake off that PS.

Give me an athletics check with advantage with the help from Zudrick knocking it a little loose.

Okay.

I didn't get it.

No.

Do you have a tactical mind still?

I have

one last second wind I can turn into a tactical mind.

I need to get a seven or higher.

Oh, man.

I got a six.

Oh.

Oh.

Wellie, you grip both your hands around the blade, you whisper this prayer, and you yank up, and the sword starts to give, but it catches in the stone, not willing to break free.

Wellie's just gonna say,

I'm sorry.

Hamdam is a very common name.

Maybe we're not even related.

And even if we were, it's clear that something's gotten worse over time.

Wellie, Boggy puts a hand on Welly's pauldron.

When there's something lost in the bog, when we are dredging up a corpse to see if there's any usable iron on it, or whether we're harvesting the bog potatoes we planted last season, we do it together.

Yeah.

The strength of many can paddle the boat faster.

Yes, there are a lot of names on this sword.

Min I'm Marth.

We rise as one.

Well said.

Would you allow me to help you?

Again, as I mentioned, I have lots of oil.

But what if it shouldn't be taken from its place?

What if that would disturb the soul of the man who was laid here?

Would you use this sword to oust these monks who defile this place?

Yes, I would.

But I think it worthy.

But what if the reason I want to oust them is just because I want to be closer to the gods, and the reason I want to be closer to the gods is just a selfish curiosity about magic.

The heart is a compass, Welly.

And you fight with yours pointed towards true north, I think.

Okay.

As Boggy says this to you, Welly, you see the opal in the sunburst on the pommel glimmer and glow,

the light slanting across the room.

The sword is calling out to you to try again.

Okay.

I will try one more time.

Is there anything you can do to...

Ooh, what's a word other than lubricate?

Lube it up.

Lube it.

Lube.

Yeah.

You don't have to say all of lubricate.

You can just say lube.

Oh.

Of course.

Shall I lube this puppy up?

Yeah, I think you should loop the puppy.

Should I spit on that thing?

Hey.

Hey, guys.

Crow too up.

You don't understand.

I just said a prayer and it ended with a really embarrassing post script.

And I don't think that the fact that I was unable to pull the sword is unrelated to that embarrassing post script.

Okay.

Okay.

This is fair.

So Boggy is going to loop it up.

Zundrick is going to spit on it.

Min Amarth, you rise as one.

My legendary sword from the age of stories is now nice and slippery for Wellie to grip.

Okay.

From the sunken to the sun, we shall rise.

Okay.

You know what, Wellie?

If you started off perfect, you wouldn't be on a journey.

So let's just keep trying to transmute rock into gold.

That's a 19 on the dive.

It goes a 25.

There you go.

Oh,

it's so lubed.

It's so slippery.

Wellie, you step forward to grip it and you fall down, driving the sword all the way into the stone up to the hilt and then jerk it back up with one smooth motion.

And it is shiny, slippery, and free.

I'm going to take a second to pass it around because we did this.

We all did this.

My goodness, it's expertly balanced.

Yes,

I hold it up and hold it up to the light.

It does seem to have some sort of

feeling to it.

Do you feel it, Zudric?

A brotherhood in which people didn't betray each other?

That's what these knights were.

They kept their oaths and they looked out for each other and they honored each other's deaths.

Does that feel like medicine for everything you've been through?

I.

I suppose it is a soothing thought.

Yeah.

Yes.

So as you pass the sword around, I will tell you all of its properties.

The opal sunsword is a plus one sword.

Zudrick, as you hold it in your hand, you flash it in the light.

It has a power called the glinting blade.

Once per long rest, on a hit, your blade sparks against an enemy and you can impose disadvantage on the next attack against you.

You pass it to Boggy.

Boggy, you see the faintest glow in the opal.

This is the light that remains.

While the holder of this sword breathes, your allies have a plus one on all saving throws.

As Boggy looks at it, I think the reflection catches him and he sees his own face in it, marred by all these names, and he just kind of lets out a wistful sigh.

These were true buds.

Boggy, I'm actually quite good with carving.

Usually I do runes, but I could carve the name of all of your buds into your weaponry.

Oh, no, do not.

I do not deserve that.

I live and they do not.

Even if you thought that you didn't deserve it, wouldn't you think they deserved it?

Perhaps you're right.

Perhaps I should remember their deeds and their stories if I want to or if I do not.

Yes, please.

Okay, yeah.

Do you do engravings for birds as well?

Yeah, actually, I really do.

Okay, good, because I have a lot.

I've only talked about four of them, but but they're sort of the chattiest ones.

They're on my main, and my lance is long.

Really?

Yes,

yeah.

You know what?

I think if I spend all night, if I pull an all-nighter, I could get you guys geared up with the names of all your departed and loved ones.

I appreciate that, Willie.

I think that is the best use of our time.

And Boggy, as you pass the blade back to Welly, Welly, you discover the sword's last ability, Sunflare.

Once prolonged rest, you can cast the spell Misty Step, disappearing into a golden flash with a swing of the blade.

Whoa.

That is...

I've never seen anything like that in battle.

It could be true.

Okay.

It's possible that this is magic that...

doesn't exist anymore.

Now that the gods have retreated, I'm going to try and use it.

And we just, we should, we should probably find out right now, because what if I tried to do it in battle?

Wellie nonchalantly arcs the sword flicking some lube against the wall and in a bright flash of light she is suddenly 30 feet on the other side of the room.

Indo's bosom!

Zudric throws up through the grate in his helm.

It must be a trick of the light, like how it always looks like there's only four birds, but there's more than four birds.

We've seen ritualistic magic, but that was.

That was something else.

Magic is real.

Magic is real.

The gods are real.

Where you gleamed.

Oh,

I have not seen such since the likes of my companion, William.

William.

William?

William Schitz.

William Poops?

William Schitts, in fact.

William Poops.

How did William Poops got?

William Schitts pass.

Boiled.

Boiled.

Boiled.

Jesus.

Boiled.

Water, oil?

I guess oil would be fried.

It was

a cooking lube, or oil, as it's called.

They cooked him.

Why'd you have to call cooking oil oil lube?

I don't know.

It's just everywhere.

It's on my mind now.

Yes, he was.

The scholars, the wicked scholars of Goodport, feared him god-touched, and they wished to test to see if the gods would save him.

So they.

Oh, that is barbaric.

They put him in a slew.

But his blade gleamed as yours does now, so it it made me recall finer days, Welly.

Baggy, your stories never fail to darken the moon.

But that's enough of that.

Let's not well.

We should keep our feet on the ground.

But yes, this is incredible.

Yes, this is proof of something.

Who knows what we're going to discover as we descend deeper and deeper.

Indeed, what relics await us?

Do you think this just residue?

Forgive the word, but residue of the gods' great power?

Residue, I don't have a problem with.

It's lube.

Residue of the lube of the gods.

The gods' lube.

Oh my god.

I just, I really, even though I'm like getting more comfortable with nudity after seeing it on Princess Lenarc's wall, I just don't think the gods would have called it residue aka lube of the gods.

I just don't think so.

I don't think so.

Right, yes, yes.

Seeing it, you know, in art and stuff, but if they were all lubed up, man, that would just be

just give it a different connotation, sort of.

Yeah.

I've got to be wearing some sort of oil.

They're so bronzed up and shiny in those depictions.

Well, I mean, we have much more spelunking to do.

I mean, in this game,

I know what you mean.

Yes, this is a funny way to do it.

Everything feels crass now.

It's not.

Oh, it's like a mirror of Entendre.

All right.

Well,

there was some sort of phase of the moon that they needed for the ritual to take place.

That is not tonight, correct?

That's correct.

It is tomorrow night.

And you guys have been fighting through the night.

It's almost morning now.

It's a late, it's late, late at night.

All right.

Perhaps we should.

This would be not a bad place for us to rest.

We'd be able to hear anyone coming in.

It is dark.

We can hide here.

It does not seem like the monks even really discovered this place.

Yes, it seems untampered with.

Yes, they are not a curious sort.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah, let's set up camp here.

Okay.

Excellent.

I begin to pitch my tents

in the crypt, which is probably the safest place in this keep.

Do you guys want to bar the door with the bookcase?

Could have Zudrick handle it.

We notice a strong bookcase.

Yes, goddamn.

Do we know this is a strong bookcase?

I drag it back.

Laboriously drag it back.

Clearly, some gods residue on this bookcase.

Oh, yeah.

The bookcase is nice and greasy now, so it slides back a little bit easier.

I'm gonna, I'll spend a little bit of time starting to work on carving the names into their weapons.

And then when I go to sleep, I want to sleep next to the sword, staring at Sir Wilma Hamdam's name, trying to feel her in, I guess we don't have a concept of genetics, but trying to feel her whispering in my flesh and blood.

Willie, what do you know of your parentage?

Did they speak of this connection?

Honestly,

no.

I think that I kind of voluntarily joined the Order of the Oaken Ore.

So

I didn't know.

There's much from this era we know not of.

I know.

I find the truth of stories not as delightful as the telling of the tale, but I must confess I'm curious to delve deeper.

Yeah, I would think that this example would be in contrast to what you just said.

This seems like the coolest story of all time.

I would say, if it did not go against my instincts, that

this were something like fate.

If that were to exist, which it does not,

look at him.

Ooh, there's a little sunshine in that kettle.

Shut up.

Bubbling up.

Shut up.

Little Little opal twinkle in your eye.

I think that we should all pass around the sword and practice training with it.

You think?

Yes.

Clearly, you are meant to be.

But how do we know that none of you are related to Sir Caspar Holborn, Sir Lachlan Boyd, Sir Hilda Garnett, Sir Cassian Dane, Sir Leif Thornston,

Sir Radek Lachmaw.

Now my name.

Still, I think it is worth us all practicing wielding it.

It is an incredible relic, and if one of us goes down in battle, we should all know how to use it.

Very well.

If you wish it, then I will gladly spar.

I suppose, yes, in case of an emergency, if we were able to disappear out of thin air and show up later somewhere else,

are we about to have a romp?

Are we about to have a little pre-slumber romp?

Are you guys sparring?

This is training.

This is serious.

Yeah, I think we're all going to spar.

Okay.

Hell yeah.

Let's see.

I'll be like the sparring dummy with the shield.

I'll use the shield of, and then you guys can kind of like try and attack the shield of Leaf Thornston.

Who shall spar first?

I'm already launching in the air.

As soon as Boggy says, shall we romp?

21 to hit.

I'm guessing that definitely hits because my armor class is 17.

And I would think even with a shield, that wouldn't get it to 21.

So there you go.

Zuderic, you launch up in the air with all of the anger that you use to attack the bookcase.

and you crack the sword into the shield and land a blow.

And you feel like if it comes to it in a pinch, you could pick up this blade.

24 damage.

Oh my God.

I'm down.

Oh, my God.

You went through the 10th HP.

It was a single run, man.

I was already hurt from something else.

You walked.

You didn't write you.

You won.

No,

not again.

Again.

I don't know how to chill.

I don't know how to hang out.

Willie, give me a death save.

Go dig a latrine.

That's a gnat one.

Jesus.

Oh, my God.

Someone do something.

Quick.

All right, both of us have to do medicine checks to stabilize her.

I'm going to use Rally.

It's a superiority dice ability, and it's going to give you 1d8 plus 2 10 pit points.

Okay, okay.

All right.

Can 10 pit points bring back from.

I don't know.

Okay.

I got a 16 on a medicine check anyway.

Okay, okay.

Between chest compressions.

Really?

No.

Yes.

Go away from the Lodestar.

I'm sorry, Willie.

I'm sorry.

No.

Shy away from the Indo's bosom.

Zudric, it's good.

You were really good with that thing.

Yes.

Um.

Yes.

Huh.

A bit of a shock, but.

Now you.

Yes.

Oh, that's the shield.

Yes, of course, let me see that.

Ah, hmm.

Heavy.

God, Willie comes back from the brink of death with their first breath, hands the sword to Boggy.

All right, strength is one of my worst stats.

I kind of lean on the sword nonchalantly.

Yes, to catch them off guard.

That's what I say.

Chipping its edge in the stone.

I rolled an eight on the d8 for the launch, is why I did that.

Yeah, I saw you roll that, and I was like, this is really funny because I've already used all my hit die.

That's a tin to hit.

Okay, that misses.

That makes it.

You swipe the sword and it's too lubed up, it slips out of your hand and cracks into a tomb.

There's fraction!

I run forward and I kick.

Okay,

everyone relax.

Poggy gets carried away.

I have a confession.

Yeah.

What?

I wasn't fainting against the boar, I just missed.

Okay?

Really?

Yeah.

Do you think that there's something in the trauma from your past that makes it easier for you to attack an ally?

Maybe.

Yeah.

I think you could be working that out.

Interesting.

Yes, please.

Don't faint on us.

Don't faint with your emotions.

Let them out.

Well, I mean, he fainted on the boar, but then you fought those tentacles and whatnot.

Yes,

thank you.

Perhaps he sensed that the boar was meant for greater things.

Yeah.

Oh, yes, the boar is.

Yeah, I don't even fully know why I attacked the boar.

Yes, he's king now.

It is certainly his castle.

You hear a snort from the throne room.

He's making a mess up there.

All right, perhaps we should get some rest before we kill each other.

Yeah, because I definitely actually

feel really weak

as I say that I pass out.

But again, I would like to pass out.

I would like, as I close my eyes, to be looking at Wilma Hamdam,

hoping to dream of her.

Awesome.

Is everybody else going to sleep too?

We'll take shifts, but yes.

Yes.

All right, great.

So you guys all spar a little bit.

You attune yourselves with the sword, some of you more than others.

And Wellie, as you go to sleep, you're looking at the name etched in the sword and you turn your head towards the ceiling, which is cracked, crumbling, choked by roots and swallowed by vines.

Through the gaps, you can just see the pale light emerging.

It's daybreak, morning on the eve of the ritual.

But as you close your eyes, From the roots, a samara seed.

Some people call them helicopter seeds or spinning jennies.

It helicopters down, spiraling, and settles on your cheek.

I would like to take it off my cheek and put it in my pocket or look at it or worship it.

As you clutch the samara seed, something stirs in you.

A memory not your own.

You feel it root down through generations, a finer detail from the age of stories, carried like this seed on the wind.

You know now the name the Solar Knights gave your eighth great aunt.

You know what they called her:

Wilma Hamdam,

the relentless.

Sir Wilma

Hamdam, the relentless.

And you go to bed.

Okay.

I think I wake up the next morning and scream that at the top of my lungs.

Oh,

please?

We're all, listen, Wellie, we're all very hungover.

It's Wellie's shift.

She wakes up shouting.

It's a robot here, another rabbit.

Wow.

So you guys got some rest.

The sun was rising as you went to bed, so it's early afternoon now.

But you do know that you have some time before the ritual this evening.

And you find yourselves here in the crypt.

How long does this

glowing stuff that we got from the daybreak?

Daybreak.

The daybreak, yes.

How long does that last?

Not long, right?

You got the sense when Sir Mathis gave it to you that you would want to do it like in a flash, in an instant.

I'll do it right before the ritual, but it seems wise, yeah.

Remember that we have this.

Yeah, shall we plunge deeper towards that autumnal stench?

I suppose we should delve deeper.

Yeah, let's do it.

So from here, the dungeon going deeper goes back past the lift.

There is the earthen passage, which you guys avoided, and then also the sealed steel door at the end.

Okay, so we are staring at an earthen passage and a steel door.

Where do we think that a bunch of corrupt monks and their charismatic leader would be hiding?

Well, it seems like they've had trouble bypassing some of the castle's fortifications.

These dorks can't open a door.

No, that's not a good thing.

You're right.

You're so right.

These dorks can't open a door.

But the screams of monster.

Just look at this thing.

Like, just some kind of worm or something.

I'm just gesturing at it.

It's all just worm-shaped.

I pull out a tape measure.

Look at this.

Oh my god.

Oh, are there scales?

Yes, can I look?

Can I see if there's any imprints of scales or anything?

Like something, something made this.

Can I do a nature check to see if there's any worm evidence of a huge worm?

Yeah.

Sure.

Yeah, you guys can both give me nature checks.

All right, I'll give Willie the help action.

16, I got two 14s plus two.

With the 16, you guys can peek around the earthen passage.

You see that it is slick and dark with large swaths of rock streaked with claw marks and a dull hardened resin some kind of secretion okay okay yeah you're right

it screams monster it sings monster it shouts monster it insinuates monster it whispers monster back out as soon as i went in all right that experiment is that i shove my lantern through the steel door and try to create like a lever and just start yanking.

So you guys back away from the earthen earthen passage.

You walk down the dungeon corridor.

Those monstrosities in the cells have made desperate attacks through the bars, and the walls draw close as the corridor narrows, pressing toward the steel door ahead.

As you approach, you see that this is no forgotten threshold of the past, but a reinforced barrier, deliberately maintained.

Your eyes settle on the heavy deadbolt and a thick iron mechanism with a slim keyhole above it.

Willie, hmm, this is you.

Okay, I take out my hairpin and I try to pick the lock.

All right.

Great.

Give me a slight of hand check.

Okay, I do it with advantage because of my lodestar rune.

Right.

Nice.

23.

I got a 19 on the die.

Stand down, lock.

The lodestar guides your hairpin through all of the intricate trappings of this lock, and you hear it click, click, click, click, click.

The door is unlocked.

Tell me how you're opening the door.

Oh, my God.

Back up, everyone

does it open does it feel like it opens out do you see resin oh yeah

i'm gonna i'm gonna very delicately

just see which direction it moves in okay yeah like and there's gonna be a fucking battery

wait no let's not move it off okay i'm holding i'm holding okay i'm not moving

hang on real quick i've got this okay i've got this i'm going to tie a rope to the handle okay okay so we back up we back up and then we're gonna run, and then we're gonna yank the rope and hide around the corner.

Yeah.

There's gonna be a freaking boulder.

You tie the rope around the handle, you back up into the corridor, yank the rope, and as soon as you do, you hear a click, a whoosh,

all so fast, faster than you would have been able to react.

This is a guillotine trap.

A razor-edged slab of metal plunges down from above.

So much worse than a boulder.

When he knows, he knows.

So look at this guy.

Wow, that's even worse than I thought.

Slices through your rope and you guys fly backwards.

Oh,

okay.

That was a really good call, Zudrick.

Yeah,

Zudric is shook.

Fucking kid.

Jesus.

I'm so glad that you always feel unsettled.

Yeah,

I feel more unsettled than I thought.

I thought I might get hit by a boulder and just sort of roll over to the side and be like, oh shit, I popped my shoulder out again.

Oh, yeah, that would be good.

No, this would would have just been headcuts.

I knocked our heads off right quick.

Yeah.

Geez.

All right.

So ahead of you guys, the door is open.

You see this massive sheet of sharp metal.

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Goodbye, sweeties.

Okay, what do we see beyond that?

I guess I step on top of the sheet of metal and

my lance around.

Yeah, all right, so you guys, so you're gonna climb over the sheet of metal.

You'll climb over the guillotine.

The three of you step through this threshold into a surprisingly orderly corridor.

The stones here have been scrubbed clean, and torches light the walls in perfect intervals.

But none of this registers because as soon as you climb over this guillotine, staring you dead in the face is a tall, thin-looking monk holding a candle and a leather journal.

He was coming over here to investigate the commotion, but as soon as he sees you, he jumps back with a sharp intake of breath.

He stands frozen for a split second, eyes wide.

Then he hisses at you

and he turns to run.

I just ambushed my lance.

I immediately try to kill him.

As on Siren, I try to grab his shoulder and shove the full lance through him.

Get him to the just on this ice.

Everyone roll a nation.

Nine.

15.

I'm going to use ambush to give myself an extra D8 on this.

Zudrik, he's got a book.

Yes.

Be careful of the book.

He's a scholar.

Save the book.

25.

All right.

So this monk monk has turned and is sprinting, robes flying.

You see, he's making a mad dash for another steel door that is slowly closing.

A cluster of frantic hands pressing against it.

The dark eyes of several scared ones glaring outwards with no mercy for their brother as he rushes for safety.

Boggy, you are first.

Wait, there's also the door is open, so we should kill this guy as we keep running.

We have to hit that.

We have to slide under that door.

Okay,

kill all of those guys.

I just point point menacingly at just one of the guys I make eye contact with as the door is closing.

They're all hissing at you.

We met two of your friends and they didn't hiss at us.

I hiss back.

I'm just going to run right past this guy, like lift my hat.

Good day, sir.

And then I'm going to pull out my rod of alertness and jam it in the door so they can't close it all the way.

So you sprint past this sprinting monk.

Oh fuck great day for a ritual Hum.

So Boggy you have sprinted about 45 feet down this hallway you used a dash action, but you were going to try to jam this door open so they can't shut it

indeed.

Okay.

I watched us free a sword yesterday and now I'm going to stick this deep in there.

That's actually a great move because it is the one of the monks with his hands on the door's turn.

He's going to look at at you and be like, move, dude!

She tried to oppose athletics, check you, but that's a two, so you're gonna be able to hold the door up.

You can't be beaten.

That's an at 20.

These guys are dorks.

Vic just invited us to the party, friend.

We're coming.

Wow, you were right.

They can't open a door, they can't even close a door.

All right, we have robes.

Shit.

Whatever, we have to kill these guys.

That's all too much.

Oh, we totally forgot.

We could have been sleeping.

Is it too late?

Could I use an object

to put on a robe?

They also don't really seem to care too much about the whole brotherhood of it, so.

I forgot to put my robe back on.

I took it off to sleep.

The plan's gone to shit.

We have to kill everyone.

This is what we're best at.

Really good at impressions.

Hi, I'm Victus.

Oh, that was really good.

I disappear into my character too.

You know, some comedians, you know, they do like a spot-on impression, but Willie makes it her own.

And that's funny in its own.

Right.

She captures the intricacies.

And that's why she's so funny.

She just kind of picks the thing and then goes with it.

Like that guy was always saying his name.

He was always saying, I'm Victus and

then he would say something.

Through your laughs as you explain comedy to the monks, that is your turn.

Okay.

Yes, that's the thing.

You know, there's actors and then there's superstars.

And a superstar brings a bit of themselves to the role as I try to run through this guy with a lance.

12 to hit does hit he is

he's nude under his robes so nude dude you're you're interrupting the ritual man what are you doing

that's exactly what i'm trying to do asshole is the ritual getting a door open because we're having trouble 12 damage

12 damage okay you slash into this guy he's a little bit hardier but that does hurt him i'm going to uh topple him oh yeah he needs to make a con saving throw all right shouldn't be a problem he only has a minus one to that

That's a 13.

Minus 14 now because we leveled up.

Woo!

My TC is 14.

Ooh, that's right.

Yeah.

You guys are level four.

Okay.

So he is prone.

Yes.

And that also means that anyone gets advantage on their attacks on him.

And when he gets up, he will have to use half his movement to stand up.

Nice.

Great.

And it is actually his turn.

So he's going to give up on running.

He's just going to try to fight you in the hallway.

You see a flash from his hand.

There is acid flying at your face.

He makes two acid attacks.

Oh,

that is a 17 and a 13 to hit.

Oh no, it's gonna burn off his helmet.

Oh no.

17 hits.

So acid splashes through the eye slits in your helm

and he does eight damage to you.

Okay.

And now that is Welly's turn.

Are you good, Sudrick?

Should I run and

fucking kill this guy?

Yeah, go ahead.

Okay, cool.

I want to run.

Use a dash action while I'm I'm doing a dash action.

I am using my bonus action to Might of the Gods, and I basically want to run and slide under the door and then like do my bonus action, Might of the Gods, grow underneath the door to try and shove it up.

Whoa, sick.

Okay.

This is how you open a door.

All right, so Wellie, you are charging down the hall.

You knock past this monk fighting Zudrick, and you baseball slide right in between the door, and then you grow in size, your shoulders broadening, and the door flings open.

They are not going to be able to get it shut now.

To the window, to the door.

It just feels wrong somehow.

Pretty sure that's hilarious.

Okay.

Yeah.

As you burst into the room, you and Boggy are hit with the scent of damp stone giving away to something more acrid, more chemical.

This deep room has a low-coved ceiling and it's brightly lit with four ironwork chandeliers groaning on their chains.

The monk that was trying to hold the door is going to reach for the acid in his pocket and make another acid attack.

He only gets one, but he's going to throw it at the giant welly.

That's a 19 to hit.

Careful, he's got lube.

Is this mean lube?

Shit.

Okay, that's only four damage.

Okay.

Nice.

Is this a facial peel?

Oh, no, it's removing the barnacles from your armor.

Do you have a cosmetology license to be using this?

I shake the monk that I'm fighting.

How did you know acid to the face is my weakness?

Okay, that's one of the other monks.

You guys see out of the corner of your eye that one of them has sprinted to the back of this laboratory.

You see that he is nervously attempting to unshackle something that is chained to a table.

His hand is shaking as he inserts a key into a leaden manacle.

And on his turn, he crit.

You hear the chain pop open and something rises.

Oh no.

And the other one, the other monk in here is going to try to stab you, Boggy.

Ah.

That's only a 10 to hit.

Won't be enough, friend.

Okay, that is the monk's turn.

That is back around to Boggy.

Wonderful.

Okay.

God, this is stupid, but I have to do it.

I have to try it.

I'm going to hold my action and knock an arrow and prepare to bring down a chandelier on this shambling monstrosity as soon as it comes towards us.

Whoa.

I love that.

That's awesome.

Great.

So you are readying yourself.

You're behind one of these big lab tables covered in old brass tubing and dirty beakers.

For my bonus action, I'll go ahead and just do another rally.

I'm going to shoot a rally at Wellie since she's in the room with me.

Okay.

Cool.

So that'll give you 1d8 plus 2 temp HP.

I say, Wellie, they're cooking up some good drugs in here.

Get in on this.

This is quite a party.

Though I disagree with your framing, I agree with the idea.

Ah, remade.

Oh, I got a seven on the die.

It becomes nine temp HP.

Yes.

Wow.

Thank you, Boggy.

I'm feeling strong.

Badass.

All right, that is the monk that was trying to close the door, but between the rod and Welly being a giant, he's going to give up and he's just going to disengage into the back corner of the room,

kind of frightened by you guys, but he's going to prepare to do something.

And that is Zudric's turn.

All right, I'm going to launch because now I'm hearing a lot of activity and it's not just killing the one guy.

That is a 13 to hit.

Does hit.

That is 17 damage.

Zudrick, finish this acid splashing mug.

I hate acid!

I'm sorry about that.

I didn't mean to do that.

What you did.

I apologize.

You are lying to me.

It's

not lying.

It slipped.

I do the old bisect down the middle.

And then I rip them apart with my fingers once it gets loose enough.

Carve him in half.

One of the guys by the door who had given up trying to close it decides that he actually really wants to now.

Yeah.

He starts weakly pressing against that.

And then I'll use, after I kill this guy, I'll use the rest of my movement to get into the room with everybody else.

Okay, great.

Wellie, that is your turn.

You've baseball slid and grown in size.

I want to try to go after the monk who is next to the monstrosity.

Okay, the one that's just unshackled this monstrosity.

All right.

Okay, I'm going to say, activate Hilt Rune.

What?

I'll do my extra damage.

Does a 15 hit?

For sure gets through the robes.

23 damage.

Miss.

Man, the last thing he did with his life was free that beast.

He's gone.

He's dead.

You can finish him.

So I can cleave onto the monstrosity.

So it takes the great...

Axes damage.

So the monstrosity takes eight damage.

Wow.

Okay.

Awesome.

And then, because I took great weapon master and I downed someone someone to zero hit points, I can make an attack as a bonus action.

Whoa,

damn.

So I'm going to try to attack the monstrosity.

Okay.

Does a 21 hit?

A 21 does hit the monstrosity.

This thing is taller than your average monk.

It's gaunt.

Great.

11 damage on my second attack.

And then I'm going to back up even if I take an opportunity attack to bait the creature to come to the chandelier that Boggy's ready to

hit.

Yes.

Okay.

The goat is goading.

This tall, wiry, nude beast, looks humanoid, but with a very stretched-out mouth, just chomping

and clawed hands, is walking into the room, swiping at you.

And now it's standing directly under a giant chandelier.

This is a transformed monk.

Yeah.

Now that we all have eyesight on it, what are we thinking this thing is?

It looks like a failed experiment.

Oh.

A volunteer.

oh dear okay that is the monk who retreated to the back of the room uh as all of you guys are in this room now you see directly to your left the wall is lined with glass like the front of a greenhouse oh behind it the glazing gives way to a pocket of the cave itself frogs and turtles lie on slick rocks fish dart through a dark unmoving pool and above that coiled on a waterlogged branch a glistening snake raises its head.

Every surface inside this terrarium is alive, crawling and teeming with roaches, spiders centipedes and scorpions you take all of that in in an instant just as the scared one in the corner raises a brass canister and hurls it at the glass it connects with a sharp crack and explodes through shattering the pane the rocks inside gleam as a gloomy gray fog spills into the lab curling low onto the floor a venomous did he use an attack roll on the window I guess technically he did.

Could I use my cloud rune

or my lodestar rune to redirect that attack on the window to the monstrosity?

Yes.

Oh my god.

Just like hit his arm and like a quarterback mid-throw and just make him fumble it.

His grand plan.

He goes to toss this brass canister.

As you say, activate lodestar.

It distracts him just a little bit.

Yes.

He whips the canister's sidearm and hucks it at his monster.

Thankfully, it doesn't hit.

It doinks off the monster harmlessly.

But it does not break the glass.

The venomous mold that was going to require constitution saves from everyone or poison you remains behind.

What now, friend?

You didn't know we had a rune goon on our side.

Okay, but there is one other monk who is going to take a stab at Boggy.

Only a 14.

Ah!

You found no purchase, friend.

You worried me.

That that sounded pained.

I'm just very hungover.

You are so jolly that even when you get hurt, it sounds a bit jolly.

So, that is the ghoul's turn, but Boggy, you have an action held.

Boggy notches an arrow, lines it up, breathes in a little bit of the remaining whiskey on his beard for confidence, and then, like Welly did yesterday, mouths a prayer to the lodestar that no one can hear.

All right, give me an attack, and here we go against this chain.

That is going to be 23.

Whoa, that hits.

Yes.

And I'm going to make this a trip shot, weirdly enough.

Just a joke.

That makes sense.

Actually, I pull out one of my special arrows that Dandio Candles made for me.

And you see that it's got like a serrated edge to kind of like lodge itself deeper into someone's shin.

Hell yeah.

Hell yeah, that's 15 damage.

Oh my god.

A lesson these monks need to learn.

They are only as strong as their weakest link.

Boggy, the chain snaps, and this monstrosity has four HP, so it will kill him.

You can finish this ghoul.

As the chandelier falls and crushes this monster, I think Boggy just goes, Holy shit, it worked.

The monster explodes.

Its skin was so thin, black lace just filling it like a sack,

and the black blood splatters across the lab floor.

That is two monks with zombie stats left.

Baggy, you architect!

You designed the perfect demise!

I must say that I was guided by the Lodestar himself on that one.

And before they get to go, Zudrick, that's your turn.

All right, great.

Let us parlay.

It is time.

Come on,

you're not doing anything to our butts.

Take a seat.

Yes, that sounds like a great idea.

You take a seat.

Hey, Zudrick, romp them.

Yeah, I'm trying to.

I'll go ahead and I'll use my axe to try to cleave if I can kill one.

I don't know that I can do enough damage.

I don't want to waste all my launches just yet.

Okay.

So I'll make an attack.

14 to hit.

Hits.

15 damage.

Yeah, finish him.

Three.

Okay.

Slice through him directly into the other one.

Just unmoving, just in one motion.

Just keep swinging, spinning around, keeping my momentum.

Yeah, just full-on Bloodborne axe.

And I do my great axe damage to the other one, which was eight.

That guy is on death's door but he reaches onto the lab table and picks up another brass canister.

Action surge.

Can I action surge?

I just need to kill this guy.

I wasn't gonna throw it.

I was gonna give it to you.

26 to hit.

It does.

Yeah.

I was just cleaning up around the lab.

Another 14 damage.

Down door.

He's dead.

Okay.

So they try to slam this door.

They try to spring all of their traps, but you guys go in and you decimate this lab.

Let's take a second to sort of digest everything around here.

I might carve my runes back in and maybe let's try to be really reverential to the animals beyond this terrarium glass.

Yeah, I want to look at it.

Are you sure?

This is

perverse to trap the bog in such a way.

Let it be free, I say.

You're right.

Okay.

Wait, so are we...

Yeah, I'm actually.

Yeah, let's look inside are there are these regular frogs regular boar style yeah these animals uh just by looking at them they look like animals you've seen in nature these animals are in their lab waiting to be plucked out experimented on okay i think i'm gonna blow hot breath draw the sigils of all the gods and then look to everyone and should we just attack this glass and then leave the room.

Yeah, hang on.

Okay.

Let's think this through.

We absolutely do have to save these animals.

What is your tramp sense telling you?

Okay.

Yes, let's basically get by the door to the tunnel.

Yeah.

Smash the glass, sprint as fast as we can, and just let the animals go nuts.

And just try and close the door behind us so that they leave out the way that we came in, and then we're leaving, we're going deeper.

Oh, I see.

So you're going to direct them kind of up and out so they can go out the earthen passage.

Yes, these are subjects of the vortex.

No, we don't want them to go the earthen passage because absolutely.

We want them to go to the elevator trap.

We have to do the elevator trap again.

We have to.

We have to.

What choice do we have?

We've got time.

We've got time.

We've got time.

Yeah.

We do this.

We're going to try and do the elevator passage.

Arrow.

Do you want me to fire an arrow at it to break the glass?

That's perfect.

Okay, what if we try to bait them all onto the shield?

Oh.

The shield is sort of like a little bowl in which we can hold them over our head.

Yes.

Oh, yeah.

Like a cup trap

when you're praying a wasp.

Wait, dude.

Are they going to go all go in one place on a sheet?

Yeah, there is going to be a little bit of natural selection in there on its own, I would imagine, but they've all been living in this one terrarium, so they've probably already had it out with each other.

All right.

Like sexually?

I mean, the ones who were going to fight have probably already killed the ones they were going to

so the worry of them all being in this one bowl.

i thought you meant they'd all dated each other they might have also

can i do an inside check if they've all dated each other

sure

that looks kind of awkward but yeah that's a 13 stevie in there yeah there's some canoodling in the in the terrarium there has to be how do you pass the time i don't know about the shield is basically love eye i don't know about i think there's too many animals to carry out on one shield and also they might just bite you or jump or squirm well one of them is coming with us as a pet yeah wait a second i have a really good idea i have a really good idea instead of the elevator we can bring them to the place that we are sleeping because I could see daybreak through the roots.

So there's access to above.

So

we could pass them one by one through the hole in the roof?

We just give them a chance if we want to look at the room.

The shield can be the elevator.

Yes, that's perfect.

Okay, great.

So we will use the shield later.

But here's my suggestion for this.

Speak.

I think you should fire two arrows at Spoggy.

I think you shoot one to break the glass and shoot one to drop another chandelier to scare them out of the room into the tunnel.

Oh, nice.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, make it unpleasant to be in this room so they'll want to run away.

A great commotion, of course.

Great.

Okay, so then maybe just so everything happens at once, I'll huck a rock at the glass.

You shoot an arrow at a chandelier.

Locked and ready.

And Willie, you be in that tomb ready with that shield.

Yeah, I'm going to be there.

And if one frog hops in my pocket because they want to to be a friend, that's...

I have a pocket open

in case anyone wants to jump in

set of the shield.

I would say that we absolutely need a mascot for this little team that's coming together.

If I were to get a pocket frog out of this, that'd be fine.

And Tabitha and the others, they'll go on Team Welly because I do not need them.

The air quality here is no good.

I feel like snakes and birds are like, that's a rivalry throughout time.

So the crows can just be watching our back in case the snakes attack us all right very smart all right let's get ready get ready to hook a rock perfect so you guys are splitting up uh into the passageway uh there's gonna be a rock an arrow and a shield back in the crypt yes operation critter lift begin

okay so okay first part of operation critter lift is free the critters

I hook a rock at the glass.

Well hooked.

Okay.

That's easy.

Zedric, you yeet a rock at the glass.

Yeet.

It connects with a crack.

Oh, wait, you know what?

I could read my description that I didn't get to read before.

There you go.

It connects with a sharp crack and explodes through, shattering the paint.

The rocks inside gleam as a gloomy gray fog spills into the lab, curling low onto the floor.

Venomous mold fills the room.

You guys aren't there to inhale it.

Yeah.

All of the animals escape from the terrarium.

They start going towards the rock thrower, Zudrick, unless Boggy can do something about it.

Boggy, divert them.

Okay, here we go.

Oh, that's a nat one.

I'll use my inspiration.

They know I'm with the birds.

That's a 17.

A 17 hits.

Be gone, be gone, critters.

That's eight damage to the chandelier.

That's not enough, is it?

You know, that's actually just enough to break this old ass chain.

And you snap it, it crashes, and all of these insects, bugs, snakes, toads are diverted and they scramble down the hallway.

Wellie, hurry, they're coming from my corn pocket.

I'm ready to catch them.

I'm down on the floor with the shield and I want to scoop them all up as soon as they all come with the shield.

Shoot!

Shoot, go!

Running with a shield full of reptiles under my head.

I start making the crows go no.

Tabitha, if you could just grab one, if there's any frogs that look like they want to live in life.

A turtle perhaps would be nice too.

We could bury it when we don't need it.

Honestly, I covet a pocket frog.

And then I'm trying to run down to

the crypt to hold them up to the ceiling so they can escape through the roots of the earth.

As you conduct this bizarre ritual,

shepherding animals like a deranged Noah down the hallway.

Give me an animal handling check with advantage.

Okay, okay, okay.

Ooh.

Okay, I only add one to animal handling, but I got an 18.

All right.

Comes a 19.

Wellie, you shuffle all the way down the hall over the dead monks.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Over the guillotine, back past the earthen passage.

You kick a cockroach out of the way of a grasping tendril just as it goes to grab it.

Back into the crypt.

They climb up the vines.

Now you can see the light of day shining bright overhead through the gaps in the stone.

And all of these animals, the snakes slithering up the roots the insects crawling up the frogs are gonna have a tough time

return

okay um

i'll try and help the frogs but do any frogs look so overwhelmed by the situation that they just can't proceed further

you watch as all the animals climb up and out into freedom one tiny little frog with all of its might climbing up the roots and it looks down at you almost in thanks wiggles out and hops into the sunlight and a little dejected, you look down, and there on your boot is a river toad.

We got one!

I scoop him up and I whisper, I'd like for you to live in my pocket if you had curiosity.

It could be a short-term thing.

I won't charge lease.

I'll feed you bits of good things in my pocket.

If this is sort of a short-term thing that would excite you as much as it excites me, rib it once.

He blinks.

Ribbit.

I slip him into my pocket.

Oh, let's give him some food.

I honestly, I forgot there were roaches in there.

I don't really give a shit about the roaches.

Oh, yeah, scrap the roaches.

Scrap a roach off the wall.

I was scurrying up.

Yeah, put the roaches in my pocket.

Put the roaches in my pocket.

Yeah, there were a couple maggots that decided not to leave when you freed them.

The frog is feasting.

William Schitz is hungry.

Put the roaches in my pocket.

You named him William Schitz.

William Schitz.

I named him William Schitz.

So now you can say the name.

Oh, what a beautiful tribute.

A true honor.

Willie, as you're skipping back to the lab, you clock the leather journal that the monk was clutching as he was rushing over to see what the commotion was.

Wait, Bob.

Before we deal with this, is there a toad pun off of one of Boggy's buds that might work better?

Let's really delve into this.

Let's really think long and hard.

We could do that, but I feel as though he really took to William Schittz.

Okay, sure, sure.

We're bit.

All right, he's William Schittz.

Let's read the book.

All right.

You crack this journal, and inside, you see the desperate scrawlings of a madman.

It is hard to make sense of it.

Notes on dosages, a list of effects, and littered throughout are cryptic words, swallow the dark, become the omen.

You flip the brittle pages.

The writing becomes more and more erratic, deranged.

Consume, pool, drink, become, consume, spread.

Words repeated over and over.

Consume, spread, consume, spread, until the script becomes a dark blot of ink.

Then, you flip to the last page.

A sketch.

A woman, arms outstretched, her blood spilling into a black well.

From the well, a flow of dark liquid into a black chalice, swirling with blood and ink.

Beneath it, written with a smeared stroke, the chalice of malice.

This is the ritual.

The gift of a lifetime.

Your hand starts to shake.

Then you realize it's not you.

The hallway is shaking.

A deep rumble from deep in the passage, the loud crack of stone on stone.

The scared ones have fallen back and collapsed a passage behind them.

The pathway is blocked, and the time for the ritual is fast approaching.

And that's where we'll end our session.

They outdoored us.

I'm going to have to go through the freaking monster path.

Well, check out that residue.

Sweets.

That was awesome.

You can hear us talk more about this over on our Patreon, patreon.com slash NADPOD.

That's N-A-D-D-P-U-E.

We will probably come up with alt names for William Schutz based off of Toad Puns, but I do feel like William Schutz feels really nice.

It's really nice for him.

It's a great tribute.

You have to honor that.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

I've got some Dimension 20 shows to plug for Queen.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl in June.

We're going to be at Climate Pledge Arena in Seattle in July.

And we're going to be in Las Vegas in November doing Starstruck.

So be on the lookout for that.

Very cool.

I'll go ahead and plug Bloodborne because it's the 10th anniversary of it.

Hell yeah.

Happy birthday to Bloodborne.

Yes.

And with that, you can follow us on social media that we may or may not use at See It First Me, at Calde's Caldwell, Addie Extra Demily, and at Jake RoadsJake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOT.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

We are, we are, the youth of the nation.

It's the end of the show, everybody, and that means I need to shout out our benevolent council of elders, starting with Brad D, Jeffree S, Lord of the Fjord, later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyd's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B, Damiel R., Jordan L., Cyborg version of Josh the Cobald, Tar Got, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDM PhD, Princess Yar, Jory S, Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohemia, Mike H, Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F, Carbrow Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Old Cobbs Dunkel, Older Burn, Hercule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R, Raiko, Jakes, Jerk, Jelly, Hashtag CCC,

Taylor B, Insert Rents,

Laugh Here, Cass Strong Grinch, Steven, shoutouts to Bowie the Troll C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad Beard of the Mad, Eric McD, Ananorama, Percival, Frederick Stein, von Mussel, Klazowski, De Rolo III, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Pithy Witch, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Var's Assistant Issy F, Big Bad John, DPC is Awesome, Sean, the Shade Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer Rose, aka Grantaire, Mark, the Dark Lords Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel the Occasional Mermaid, Selena N, aka Velay Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fay Wild Therapist, Connor S, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextris, Trub Hopdropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament, Valen, Podge, the bitchin' bunny bard, druidic Peyton, Carlin C, Noah the Bullywug Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Crystal T, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet Badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han,

Eric B, Marcos, Learns the Balanced Druid, Frida M, Maggie,

Holly the green laughing hyena, Cal misses the D5s with all her heart, Aaron B, Russell H, a monk named Dilgo, yes the whole thing, yes every time.

Cody C, McKenna S, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and yunkel, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, we can be done with the presidential puns.

Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F, Austin S, Wayfarer, now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them, turn to page 42, keep them, turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C, Barpo Good Barrel, Barbarian, Garrett G, aka One Big Curd, Bovine Beauty, Renee the Monster Captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bard, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troop.

Blue Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Damon, son of that one merchant named John, Valkyrie, the Gert C brother, Anthony, the rattest of dudes, Jay, the ferrets have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo, Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie wearing barbarian, Lexi loves the two crew, thank Thank you, Lexi.

Roger L., No Drog, the Pass-A-Fist barbarian.

John Luca, Leon K, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign.

Shenanigans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Linz W, Johnny Dude K, the Mischief of Nadpods Familiars, Pavu Eskinar, the Goliath Paladin providing service with a smile.

Kit and their cat, Tim M, T-R, MLG Cheeto, Shel B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl.

Loved seeing Murph on Titan takedown.

Good luck, Bobby.

We're rooting for you.

Thank you, Shelby.

Snailis, who's infecting Worst Jester from within.

A boar prince's boisterous, well-earned snort laugh.

Pawpaw Sky Days, Mima Sky Days, Megan N, Anthony B, Savannah H, Balnor's best friend Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A.

Gimli the Corgi, Pawpaw and Foster's canine friend, Mikkel A, Josh H, pilot of the Nightmare-verse flight, the two crew blew through, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

II, Carl B, Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A, Ace Dreggs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, the guy from that one thing, Vin Diagram, Cadamilius the Consumed, Elizabeth G, sickly but cruel, Clinton P, Cam the Frogman, Dean, Jake W, says, hi, Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star, Steve L, Tyler McM, Alex G, Zibodabachary, Nicole, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Orr, Katarina C, Misty, the crispy kitty, really hates flame skulls, Greg W, whose satyr barred whisker is basically a crick elf.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, literally Satan, Chupac Aubrey, Bony is dead, Cohen Pace, the Duke of Silk's missing son, the Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Aegis K, Carnal Corner Club, Charlemagne, Not the God, and finally, DJ Dramameen.

Thank you so much for listening.

Thank you to all of our listeners and of course, all of our Patreon subscribers and our benevolent council of elders.

We'll be over on our Patreon talking more about the episode.

In the meantime, we'll catch you all next time.

That was a hit gum podcast.

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