Tortle Tank: Birthday Spells, Necromantic Healers and The Potion of Last Resort

Audival's romance collection has something to satisfy every side of you.

When it comes to what kind of romance you're into, you don't have to choose just one.

Fancy a dallions with a duke, or maybe a steamy billionaire.

You could find a book boyfriend in the city and another one tearing it up on the hockey field.

And if nothing on this earth satisfies, you can always find love in another realm.

Discover modern rom-coms from authors like Lily Chu and Allie Hazelwood, the latest romanticy series from Sarah J.

Maas and Rebecca Yaros, plus regency favorites like like Bridgerton and Outlander.

And of course, all the really steamy stuff.

Your first great love story is free when you sign up for a free 30-day trial at audible.com slash wondery.

That's audible.com/slash wondery.

This is a head gum podcast.

Welcome to Tortle Tank, everyone.

That's why the Tortles are in the tank.

We're hoping not to get lost there, but we're ready to hear your pitches and decide if it works for our eggs.

So let's begin.

Shaloo Hashlings and Shalco.

Tortal Tank.

A show for those who think outside the box.

Turtles.

I know.

I was reading.

I was waiting for it.

Sorry.

Sorry, I jumped in.

You stepped on it.

I'm Shel Maley Axford.

With me today are Brian Surfy, called Shell Tanner and celebrity guest, Jake Turtwitz.

Dang.

Wow.

Turtwitz says celebrity guest of honors.

Turtwitz just sounds like a nickname you would have had in high school that you would have hated.

Was it?

Shut up.

Who told you?

Don't remind the bullies.

He had a huge backpack, and everyone called him Turtwitz.

Whoa, continued.

All right, Tortals.

Let's dive in.

This concept comes from Jester the Cleric.

Tortles, I come bearing an addition to the ceremony spell to allow for some fun in-game birthday celebrations.

Yes, okay.

Ceremony birthday right.

The verbal component of this spell is singing the happy birthday song.

When you cast the spell, you conjure a birthday cake, the flavor and look of which is determined by the birthday person.

The candles on the cake magically stay lit until blown out by the birthday person, but the cake disappears at the next dawn.

When the candles are blown out, the person gets a single luck point that must be spent by the next dawn or else it disappears.

At the DM's discretion, this person may instead make a single wish when blowing out the candles, the extent and effect of which is to be determined by the DM.

A creature can benefit from this right only once per year and only on their birthday.

Wow.

How often are you playing on your birthday?

No, no, I think that the character.

The character's birthday, right?

Yeah.

Do you guys remember the DD court case that we had about the character that wanted their birthday to be a bigger deal?

Yeah, I brought this up to try to really lean into that one and reverse our ruling.

Yeah.

This is perfect because, like, yeah, if you've got a character who's whining about their birthday, you just hit him with the birthday spell.

Hit him with the ceremony.

This one, though, this one to me stuck out because I was like, ceremony, it's a first-level spell.

It just gives you a little tiny boon.

There should be more ceremonies.

Absolutely.

I like this.

There should be birthdays.

I think it'd be a funny character moment, actually, to celebrate a birthday.

Yeah.

And you only get one a year, which means like in a campaign, I'd be like an entire campaign.

I'm sorry, everyone.

I'm going to have to be the no turtle here.

I'm going to say, you got a group of five or six people.

How often are you playing?

You're playing maybe once a month, month.

Okay.

We're going to have each one of those people is going to have a birthday.

We're going to be celebrating birthdays every

other one.

Not necessarily.

What do you mean, not necessarily?

Because in my opinion, a campaign can often

last for a hundred episodes and be like three weeks.

That's true.

Oh, good point.

Yeah.

Time moves.

You have to write down during character creation when you were created.

Your birthday.

Character creation begins with character conceptions.

Yeah.

Just the, yeah, I don't know.

It just feels like a lot.

It feels like a lot of birthdays.

I don't know that we need them.

Well, I think, all right, we're going to go ahead and need to modify the spell already to do a joint birthday spell.

And that's where everyone says we're all going to meet up at this bar.

No gifts, please.

We are going to get a cake.

We're going to, maybe there's a taco truck nearby.

It's just going to be a low-key thing.

It's going to be a low-key thing.

This one gives me the frightened condition.

I can't deal with this level of social expectation and logistics coming together.

I fucking love it.

I'm rooting around right now for a D12 so I can figure out my character's birthday.

Oh, okay, that's how I do it.

That's honest.

I like that.

That's interesting.

A D12.

Oh, my God.

I got an 8.

You guys.

Same up on my actual birthday.

Now roll three D20s to find out what day.

Okay.

Oh, can somebody pass me some things?

Okay.

Two.

I'm a February birthday.

And I am.

Oh, God.

I statistically rolled.

Wait, no, it should be two D20s.

I was wrong when I said

D20.

Well, with three, I still got August 19th.

August 19th is only 14 days off my actual birthday.

I think this is locked up.

Okay, I'm February 24th.

How romantic is that?

So romantic is like.

10 days after Valentine's Day, are you kidding me?

Wow.

You could technically get an EC reservation.

Love is still in the air.

Yeah.

Love is still in the air.

There's leftover chocolate that you're worried about your cat eating.

Roll a D2000 to decide the year now.

Okay, okay.

To decide the year.

To decide.

You know what?

No, no, no.

I'm going to roll a D100,

a D100, a D10.

What?

And then another D100.

Somebody sent us some duty, and I wish we had them now.

I'm really confused the second I said all that, man.

I know.

I bailed on it.

Can I say my birthday is now apparently November 15th, which is just way too close to Thanksgiving.

So I think you need like a ceremonial Thanksgiving spell, and that's going to solve all of this.

This goes back to my joint birthday idea.

idea.

Murph, are you rubbing your eyes because you love it?

He can't believe his eyes.

Murph, I have a question.

Is it the idea of expanding different rights to the ceremony spell, or is it that's specifically the birthday?

Well,

you're a birthday Grinch.

I'm absolutely a birthday Grinch right now.

It's just too many birthdays.

I just don't trust that there are enough sessions in the year.

You're going to be singing happy birthday like every single day.

Mine's in August.

Emily's in February's in Caldwell's November.

But you're still going to, you're going to game it so that everyone gets one.

Otherwise, it's not fair.

You're not.

You're just going to celebrate one character's birthday.

Yeah, you as the DM roll a D12 to find out.

You're sitting on the date.

So, okay, so I get what you're saying.

So the entirety of campaign one took place over a few months.

Exactly.

Okay, so actually,

I rolled an eight on the D12.

So it is August.

So Jake will be having a birthday.

Jake's character will be having a birthday.

And depending on how long it goes, Coldwell's character might, at the climax of the campaign,

have a birthday.

It just looks at me.

Can you imagine the night before the final battle and you whip out that birthday?

Because that fudgy the whale comes out.

It's just so birthday focused.

It's so birthday focused.

I also don't know.

I don't know if I'm willing to play, knowing my birthday won't get.

That's exactly it.

I feel like...

I don't trust.

If I'm the DM, if I'm a player, I feel like this is kind of cool.

If I'm the DM, I don't trust that you guys don't make your birthday like.

But if that's how you leave it up to chance, yeah, I guess you leave it up to chance.

The caveat is that birthdays are just

imagine everyone being so obsessed with it being their birthday, constantly singing happy birthday, and people like metagaming to get birthday buffs.

Okay, okay.

What if we just change this though to be that the ceremony spell, you should be able to pitch to your DM.

I just found out that it's this character's birthday.

It just came up naturally, organically in the context of the campaign, which we have had.

We have had an organic birthday come up on the campaign.

So you can't be against that.

No, I'm not.

But the reason I'm not against that is because that was a cool, organic moment that served the story.

If I had been like, great, Beverly gets a luck point now and gets all this.

There would be that little question mark of like, did he just metagame that so that he was better in his fight?

Do you think, Jake, do you think Hardwan and and Moonshine would have been like, that's so crazy, all my birthday?

The answer is yes.

I was also born today.

You guys, Moonshine, twins?

Cannot be trusted with birthdays.

I don't trust players with birthdays.

This does not work for my

Murph does bring up a good point, though, because players love to ask, when are we leveling up?

And they are just going to absolutely be texting the DM.

When are we leveling up?

When is my birthday?

Can it be my birthday, please?

I think this could work.

I do agree with the if you randomly roll to see when your birthday is, your birthday might just happen to happen during the campaign.

That's fine.

Still not investing in this.

I am the birthday Grinch, so I am folding my arms and leaning back.

I think it's really fun.

I think for me, it's either got to be the joint birthday spell or maybe you make it like a higher level version of the ceremony spell because first level slots, you can blast those out pretty quickly.

But if it's like a like fourth level slot or something like that.

I want to say ceremony is like an hour to it is a ritual spell.

Well, or not a ritual, it's a it can't be.

It's a casting time one hour.

So, like, yes, it's a casting time one hour, so you can't really blast it out like too much, right?

Because you have to plan the party, yeah.

You got to like go to uh the basket robbins and pick up the cake.

Sure, I think what I like about this, though, is just expanding because as someone who um studied the value of religious rituals in our undergrad, I am kind of like there should be more rights

than are listed under ceremony.

So, if I'm your DM, I'm kind of like, let's just have it be an open-door policy.

You have like a ritual you want to do, describe what you want to do, cast ceremony, take that downtime to do it, let's have a conversation.

Maybe all on the fly be like, okay, this happens.

Yeah, Emily, do you want to start a think tank and we can just like absorb this

submitter into that?

I think so.

Yeah, and we'll kind of like pay them an egg salary to keep like cranking out like new imagery on a different tank.

A different tank to get lost in that.

On that note, on what Emily's saying here, exactly.

I almost kind of

pawn that I'm into.

No.

That birthday is.

We should pause for a second and recognize that.

Everyone shut the fuck up.

Gipper a cake.

Shut the fuck up.

Everyone, shut the fuck up.

Can it be Emily's birthday for that joke?

Yeah.

Okay,

I get to roll a new birthday.

Stop rolling birthdays.

Shit, I rolled further away from the start of the campaign.

Yeah.

I don't know.

Oh, no.

I like the idea of having this be a thing if you have like in-game, like in-your-world holidays, and on those holidays, the ceremony spell does different things, like we'll give you a boost based on the season or what it is.

Yeah, that to me feels a little bit more interesting than, like, I don't know.

I just don't want to sing happy birthday every week.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being Grinch.

I don't want to sing fucking happy birthday all the time.

It's not that good a song.

I'm going to pitch a, it is a terrible song.

I'm going to pitch a character for you that you can take or leave someday.

Okay.

I play Cleric of the Holidays.

Okay.

Wow.

A Saint Nick.

A Saint Nick, as it were.

Sure.

Somebody that just goes all out.

You're constantly changing decorations on your house.

All right.

So, what are you guys?

Who's investing in this?

I'm in on it.

Yeah, we're in it.

Do you want to join the think tank?

Yeah, I would love to.

I would love, and I'll take a low egg salad tree just to get my foot in the door

and work my way up the ladder.

Yeah, just a little mayonnaise in mind.

Awesome.

Okay, great.

So, tortal.

Okay.

Saladry for all.

So, total.

So, tortale.

This next pitch comes from Jacob B.

Shalo, torts.

I come to you with a rule that SADM has fucked my plans, but been amazing for my players and reality, great fun, as the DM.

Wow.

This rule was argued by my necromancy wizard player that healing spells should be necromancy, not evocation, and should be available to a necromancy wizard.

After some back and forth, we agreed to a spell.

spell list of healing spells that they would be able to use.

This was clutch in many moments in the campaign.

I'm here today to sell the reclassification of certain healing spells for the Necromancy Wizard for either 100 eggs or a 49% stake or an encounter design for a group that has a wizard healer that can heal 250 health a minute.

Thank you.

Wait a minute.

You got swindled by your player and you're turning it into an idea.

probably

and so now they're also clerics well i think it's a limited one i think they talked about it.

I think that just the vague notion is: can you guys see the overlap between necromancy and healing?

Because I personally

understand it, but for the mechanics of the game, I think this is extraordinarily broken.

I think it's, you can make the same argument for literally everything.

You can be like, I'm a fighter who, based on my backstory, I should be able to go into a rage.

And you could, I think, you're describing multi-classing.

Yeah.

I think that for me, this idea is currently half-baked at the the moment.

Okay.

Well,

because we requested brevity in submissions, we didn't get the list of spells.

The tank is small.

We know that it is a limited supply of spells.

It was not a hand wave everything.

Right, yeah.

I imagine that means they get like cure wounds.

Healing spirit really tracks for me.

What if you make a case to like lose some wizard spells and gain a healing spell?

You would have to lose it.

I think that's the only way this works is if you're like, we're going to make your wizarding way worse and essentially make it like a multi-class that is its own new class.

There is a really cool necromancy spell I know because I've taken it with multiple characters and never used it called Life Transference.

That is a necromancy spell.

It's basically like you're healing people by taking damage yourself.

Yeah.

But I feel like the idea of healing still, I could buy that regenerate or something like that might be a necromancy.

I think that another approach to this maybe is that you offer complications for every healing spell they do because it is necromancy.

So it's like, it's not going to be perfect.

It's not going to be like a blessing or an evocation.

It's like raising dead.

There's going to be complications to like restoring this flesh and restoring this vigor.

So maybe you have like a table that you roll on or something.

It could be fun.

I think this also, I think this is being sold on kind of.

flavor alone.

The flavor is working for me.

The flavor.

Right.

But I think that even with like necromancy, I get that there is like a regeneration in so much that you're like raising zombies or communicating with the dead or bringing the dead back to life.

But I'm not really imagining you

healing someone in the typical sense.

Like you're not like healing someone's cut.

And if you are, I think it is that life transference thing of like, well, now you've got a cut or something like that.

Yeah, you're right.

It's almost like if anything, you would be like, okay, we see the flavor of life transference, which is a necromancy spell.

Can we do a version of that, but it's healing word or something like that.

Yeah.

Like when I imagine a cleric bringing someone back to life or something, it is more of a healing thing.

When I imagine a sacrifice.

Yeah.

When I imagine a necromancer doing it or something, it's like this person, you know, fell off a cliff and like broke all their bones.

I imagine when the necromancer brings them back, their bones are still all broken.

You know what I mean?

Like

getting them new bones from a grave and sticking them in there.

Frankenstein.

But I think I'm enjoying your notes.

I like it.

This is where I would see it going to.

Yeah.

I like the idea of a spell negotiation around something like this.

Yeah.

yeah i don't mind it if you're trading like i think you'd have to trade really powerful spells you'd have to figure out essentially how to just create a new class yeah that's what i was thinking too it's a new class but in its current form it sounds like you got conned by your player yes yes and speaking of getting i think they admit to that

and it's cool it is a cool class it sounds like a cool class to me yeah so i think like since we've put in so much legwork here fin work uh we're probably gonna need to up that to like 70 stake in the company yeah i think you guys are going to have to ask for a pretty huge stake.

I think this is a birthday for me, so I'm out.

This just seems kind of fun.

I'm down for the idea, but I want to pay this person no egg saladry and just have like sweat equity put into it.

So if you want to come work and develop the idea for free and get paid in egg salad shares,

we should probably get some finterest on the deal too, right?

Right.

Really high Finterest rate.

Okay, cool.

That's great then to me.

Yeah, I'm in also.

Do we want to just put this in our tank?

In the think tank.

In the think tank?

Let's pop it in the think tank.

Pop it in the think tank.

Let it cook.

Perfect.

Great.

So turtled.

So tortal.

Our next pitch comes from KDS.

So dumb.

For your consideration, oh, clever and insightful turtles, I present to you the potion of last resort.

This daring elixir lets you tap into the very brink of death.

Once taken, the potion restores the player to full HP by dipping into the buffer of negative max HP that normally keeps you from instant death.

Okay.

The catch.

After drinking this potion, you can't be healed by any means.

Whoa.

If you hit zero hit points, you're instantly dead.

No death saves.

Only a greater restoration or a long rest purges the potion's consequences.

And if you drink it again in a later session, that means if you reach zero hit points, you can't be revivified.

Every time the player takes it again, the stakes increase to deter overuse.

All this for a simply perfect egg.

Interesting.

Simply perfect.

Okay,

this I dig.

This I dig.

Yeah.

Okay.

There's actual like.

Happy birthday to you, Submitter.

Yeah.

Well, it's not bad.

Happy birthday to you.

Birthdays are bad.

Birthdays are bad.

We've decided birthdays are bad.

I've decided birthdays are bad.

Birthdays are bad in the MRF worldview.

It's just, yeah.

As a marriage,

I get another one.

Happy MRF days.

Happy Murph Day.

There we go.

That's a ceremony we can all get on board with.

No, I think this is really cool because you can imagine a really cool character moment of deciding to take this.

And it would obviously be a very tough fight because you've already been presumably taken down and possibly lost some death saves before you take this.

So, yeah.

Opportunity for a very cool character moment.

Only little red flag I see is that there's a lot of mention about like kind of how many times you would take it.

I think this should be a very rare potion.

I think like the party should have one.

Yeah.

And maybe they could find another one or concoct it again.

Almost like Hero Feast style, where it like costs a lot.

It's like a big thing when it comes out.

But I like this in limited capacity.

I think that the change I would also make is right now you have only a greater restoration or a long rest purges the potions.

consequences.

I might say only a greater restoration purges.

Oh, interesting.

You're just living on the razor's edge after you drink this.

Yeah, or, you know, it becomes kind of a, we got to get.

We got to get this person.

We got to get a witch before we.

Yeah,

that creates a good story hook.

Yeah.

I totally agree with not overusing it because then you're basically guaranteeing that somebody is going to die.

And I don't think it's about that.

I think straight up that Revivify thing that comes up after the second use, I think that could be in the first use.

I can then just, I think it could just be, it would take like a true resurrection to bring you back.

I think I would let them still be revivify because I think that revivify is still still pretty hard to come by.

I don't think I guess it depends on what level these players are.

Yeah,

it would depend on what class they were.

Right.

Yeah.

Depends on how many birthday wishes they have access to.

Depends if you have a necromancer.

Yeah, if you've got your necromancer.

I wonder if Revivify is a villain.

If it's your Necromancer's birthday, then this is all going to be fucked.

Necromancers for sure have Raised Dead, which again has that kind of idea.

Yeah, it has unique consequences.

Yeah, it has consequences.

Oh, Revivify is third-level Necromancy.

Oh, there we go.

Oh, no, but it does.

Classes, it doesn't list wizard.

So, that's strange.

That's just going to be an unknown.

I'm just, I'm really obsessed with just inserting, but it was their birthday into all classic stories now.

But alas, Mrs.

Sildor's birthday.

I think that might be my problem with it, is having to shoehorn birthdays into epic stories.

Yeah, just stopping constantly

with the Fellowship of the Ring to celebrate one of the birthdays.

Also, there's

so many people.

I didn't remember it was your birthday birthday last night.

My deepest apologies.

So many

characters.

Happy belated, Boromir.

I guess there is a whole bit about Gollum's birthday.

So, like, it's already in there a little bit.

Since elves live so long,

but I guess they still experience.

Legolas still makes a huge deal out of his birthday every year.

Probably.

He calls it his birthday week.

Yeah.

Oh, wow.

His birthday decade, really.

It's my birthday decade, friend.

Okay, so is anyone curious about KDS's daring elixir?

Yeah, I think it's rad.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I'll be in for that perfect egg.

Now, when you say perfect egg, are you talking about like a perfect egg in your mind?

Or because like a perfect turtle egg is still going to be lumpy and leathery.

Is that what you're looking for?

I'd love to know what Merc's idea of a perfect egg is that he's handing.

Perfectly circular, but still leather.

It's a Pac-Man egg.

It's a Pac-Man.

It's a baseball?

Yeah, it's a baseball egg.

It looks like a baseball.

I'm willing to offer a baseball for 50%.

I I think we should be partners on this.

I think you did a lot of the work here, and I think we can really make this sing.

Let's play ball.

Let's do it.

So, tortal.

Happy Murph Day.

The next pitch comes from Ray J.

Okay.

Shello, Tortals, especially that guy that rode his way to success on Amir's back.

Have you ever had

a bunch of people?

Talking about Murph constantly starting.

Have you ever had a character with low deception, but needed someone to believe your lie desperately?

Introducing the scroll of true lies.

Great movie.

The scroll makes a target or a group of targets believe whatever lie you tell them.

No deception rules needed.

Simply put the scroll directly on a place close to your heart, literally, and declare to the DM what your intended target is and let your character lie their ass off.

The scroll disintegrates without a trace once the lie has been told and believed.

One-time use only, see terms and conditions for details.

Warning only for the DM's eyes.

This is a cursed wish spell.

The player will think the scroll makes targets believe whatever lie the PC tells them.

But what the scroll is really doing is altering reality to make whatever lie the PC tells the truth.

As a post script, they include, only use if you don't care too much about your campaign.

yeah this does oh man i could just imagine yeah you guys going off about ruby tuesdays or something which i guess did this is what happens they do just become real yeah this is just the retcon spell yeah as someone who loves lying s pc love getting to do that it yeah this really makes me laugh this is such a fun reveal down the line when you're like you approach the town and you see a giant red R beaming above the sky.

It's a Ruby Tuesdays retcon.

I think so.

So we don't use about the Ruby Tuesdays.

That's more like we say it offhand.

This is like if we were lying to a dragon.

What if you're like, oh, you're talking to the dragon?

You're like, I'm a guard in the keep.

I work for the prince.

Yeah, then I think suddenly the other guards would come up to you and be like, you need to get back to work, dude.

It's not your day off.

You can't defect, man.

Yeah.

That's so freaky.

This is great.

This is like an instant plot hook.

This is fun.

Yeah, this is interesting.

I think that I would tease it a little bit though i would have it have like an infernal script or something on it i think i think this should be like a devil's item

this should be something that because if you just womp your players with it if it's just like an item that you find it's just like cool the paper of deception great and then you find out later that it just like you over yeah you you might just be kind of like well there was nothing hinting at that there was no like really small you know but if this was like

devil's bargain or if this is like you go to a a potion shop and it's just like, well, we've got the restricted section in the back, and we've got this infernal script on it, like adults only, yeah, like any kind of, yeah, you've got all your pornography back there, and then your porn scrolls, your porn scrolls, they disappear after you read them.

It's perfect.

Wait, that would be sad.

Sad?

Yeah.

I don't know.

It would be sad.

I have my favourites I want to return to.

Sure.

Well, it's like erasing your search history.

Exactly.

They disappear after you climb it.

Something like that.

Yeah, I get return to them.

But yeah, I think that if you made this like an infernal contract thing where your players could kind of suss it out, but you don't reveal what actually happens.

You maybe literally have like a terms and conditions written in Infernal at the bottom or something like that.

Could be fun.

Yeah, I think you have this deception scroll, but have some kind of hints that there's something dark there.

I like that.

Yeah.

Yeah, especially if it's going to be overpowered to the point where like the players think that they're able to lie without any kind of role and the other people are just going to buy it hook line and sinker.

There should be something nefarious as kind of hinted at.

Right.

But also do make this another rare, rare item because if they find out the trick, they might just start using it to manipulate their awesome.

Yeah, it can be like a wish.

It does dissolve after you.

You're right.

Okay.

I guess they could go back to the shop and buy more, but it does seem like it's not.

It's just the one.

Right.

Once they find out what it is.

Yeah.

I would agree that there should be something distinct on there.

Something that, you know, like a sigilry that they notice, but then they, you know, make a joke about rather than investigating.

Yeah.

And then I think it should also be like a sort of monkey's paw thing where it's not necessarily everything that they say is true verbatim.

It's just read in the most terrible way possible for them, if that makes sense.

Like a wish that'll come.

you know, back on you.

Yeah.

Right.

So I think it should be bad no matter what.

I think you don't want a situation where someone goes into a

tavern.

It's just like, I actually own this whole town and I'm the king and this and this and that.

And I have a million gold and all of that.

Although you could find a way for that to be bad.

Yeah.

You could just have a bunch of like people like the revolt.

Yes.

True.

I guess you can kind of figure it out.

I think because they don't know that it's going to be this.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think that even if they say I'm really rich where I came from, then you could just, I kind of like keeping it that whatever lie they tell just is the truth now.

And you don't and you figure out a bad thing.

But you don't even have to figure out a bad thing.

It should be bad, I think.

I want it to be a devil scroll.

Yeah, it's a devil scroll.

I want it to be bad.

You want Murph Day, it's not birthday.

I want Murph Days, not birthdays.

Thank you.

Yeah,

if you're willing to take this more down the Murph Day route and less down the birthday route, I am into this.

Wow.

I think I'll offer, you know, since I did kind of come up with the whole devil spin on it, I will be taking 60%.

And I will give you

two perfect eggs.

Two perfect eggs.

Two perfect baseballs.

Should we give them a tourdium as well to keep her going?

Yeah, that makes sense.

So like whenever they're out with their party, they can buy a little food.

That's great.

All right.

So tortered.

So tortered.

Can we take a quick pause?

Because Murph, I do want to know, like, what's a perfect Murph day for you?

What's a perfect MRF day?

Yeah.

Well, it has to be dark and fucked up.

Just the opposite of my birthday, whatever.

So your half-birthday.

My half birthday is my favorite day.

No, actually, the day after my birthday is my favorite day because it's as far away from my birthday as it could possibly be.

You're just a little hungover, and you've got something you have to do.

Yeah.

Miserable.

I love it.

Hey there, Nad Poles.

This episode is brought to you by AG1.

You all know AG1.

You love them.

I start every single day with an AG1.

But guess what?

Now they are coming for your nighttime routine with AGZ.

It is a nightly drink that helps you wind down and rest up, helping your body and mind wind down before bed, optimizing sleep quality during the night, and helping you wake up feeling well-rested and without that stubborn grogginess.

So, check them out.

You can start taking your sleep seriously with AGZ.

Head to drinkag1.com/slash pawpaw to get a free welcome kit with the flavor of your choice that includes a 30-day supply of AGZ and a free frother.

Hell yeah.

Stay frothy, folks.

Thank you.

This episode of NADPO is brought to you by Raycon.

As someone who edits podcasts for a living, I spend a lot of time pacing around my home while listening to cuts of episodes.

I've found a lot of earbuds uncomfortable.

I guess I just have weird ear holes, but my Raycons fit just right.

Raycon's Everyday Earbuds Classic are packed with upgrades, active noise cancellation, multi-point connectivity, so I can pair with two devices at once and a super comfortable ergonomic fit that stays put, as I mentioned before when I was talking about my weird ear holes.

They've got a bunch of colors.

The new cool mint in particular looks rad.

Plus, they've got up to 32 hours of battery life, quick charge for 90 minutes in just 10, and awareness mode when you're out on a walk.

Go to buyraycon.com/slash pawpaw to get 20% off site-wide today.

That's buyr-ay-y-c-on-dot slash P-A-W, P-A-W, to get 20% off site-wide today, by raycon.com slash pawpaw.

The next pitch comes from Nathan B.

Hello, trusted and tasteful turtles.

I would like to present to you my very own idea to improve one of my favorite spells.

I present the upcasted shield.

As long as I have been a PC or DM, I have loved the shield spell.

Whether you cast it because you refuse to let that one annoying bad guy hurt you or to avoid falling to zero HP, we all love that sweet plus five to AC.

It's true.

However, most other spells provide you the opportunity to improve their effect.

Whether it is being able to target more creatures or do more damage, the ability to cast a spell at a higher level than it requires generally improves the spell.

No such benefit exists for the shield spell, and I will stand up for it.

The upcasted shield works as follows.

For each spell slot above the first that you use to cast shield, your AC is increased by an additional point.

For example, if you spend a second-level spell slot to cast Shield, your temporary bonus to your AC is six.

The rule allows the squishiest of spellcasters to protect themselves much more effectively while also having to decide which higher level spell slots are worth spending to avoid those bad guy attacks.

I offer you 50% of the business and am open to your total tweaks in exchange for 69 of your nice is eggs.

Yeah, these eggs are a little oblong.

Yeah, talk about porn scroll.

It's interesting.

I would kind of argue that the reason you can't upcast it is because it already freaking's really good.

Yeah, I agree.

There's something more interesting to me about like upcasting it and being able to like partially cover one other person.

Yeah, something like that.

That's interesting.

Or like make like a little shield wall that somebody can go behind.

Yeah, that sounds cool.

But like, you know, going from five to six to seven, I don't know.

It doesn't, it doesn't sound as interesting or exciting to me.

Like Mark said, it already is a pretty fucking cool spell.

I mean, because some spells do allow you to like increase the range where you can like cast it on more people.

I think like Bless is a good example of this.

And I feel like Shield could apply in that way too, or like you can, but I guess it's a reaction spell, so it doesn't have to totally work like that.

And you're not.

It's only as totally.

I think it's for the entire round, though.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It is.

It is.

It's an excellent spell.

And I guess this isn't bad broken.

It's not that broken because, like, casting, you know, if you burn a fifth-level spell to get plus 10 to AC or something, that's not crazy, crazy.

Cause that, I mean, it's a fifth-level spell.

It uses your reaction.

Yeah.

You can't cast.

Oh, I don't think he's broken.

No, I don't think it's broken.

I would say this is right down the middle.

This is pretty good.

It's pretty good.

It's all right.

Yeah.

Okay.

That's interesting.

Happy half mirth day to you.

This is kind of a half mirth day for me.

But that also means it's a half birthday.

So you hate it.

But also I laugh.

So I think it's okay.

No, I think this is this one to me.

Some of the other ones that get pitched, I'm kind of like, this might be game breaking or this might.

completely pull focus of the campaign or this is super broken and this feels more

you know this has a pretty light touch I think if you wanted to use this for your game, I don't think that that's nuts.

I think it's also like a mileage may vary situation where, like, if you're in maybe a three-person party and you don't have someone who's like buffing anyone, or you don't have someone who, if like the focus of attackers is going to be on your squishy wizard a lot, then maybe it would be helpful for them to have a little extra shielding in their arsenal.

I mean, the stakes feel high, right?

To get just like one extra thing.

Like, I mean, to get, I guess you would be getting like four extra to do a fifth level.

Yeah.

So that, I mean, to get like a plus nine to your AC.

Yeah, it's interesting.

It could save you from a crazy attack.

I am wondering, though, if you can, if, like, once you're kind of higher level, like, once you're level like 13 or 14, do you just have enough spell slots that essentially you can go combats without getting hit?

Yeah, yeah.

Because I guess using shield doesn't block you from using a spell on your turn.

So, like, yeah.

So, like, yeah, maybe they would be doing that.

Maybe they would be spamming it.

Well, yeah,

I guess I'm just just trying to think.

Maybe I need to look up how many spells you get like kind of later on.

I'm getting the impression that the water in the tank is rather tepid.

I'm curious to see if anyone's going to be able to do it.

It's tepid because it's not a bad idea, but it doesn't get me going.

It's not, yeah.

Our eggs aren't thrumming, I guess.

Yeah,

I feel like they were spent on the porn scrolls that I thought of on the last idea.

Maybe it's just because I just burned a bunch of porn scrolls, but damn.

It really smells like eggs eggs after you burn those.

I actually, I'm looking at this, and I actually think this could get quite broken.

You think so?

Yeah, because if you're level like 14,

you've got like three

fourth-level spells.

Oh, you're right.

Like, you could just be, like, what is that?

So that would be plus eight to your AC.

And I think the thing about shield is you can still upcast it.

You just don't get an extra benefit for it.

Like, if you're in a pinch, you can use like a fourth level spell slot to cast it.

And I feel like it's kind of designed with that in mind.

Like plus five is like a good bonus for low level and high level.

Yeah, and if you're if as the DM, if you've got something that's like, you know, some insane boss or something that has like plus 18 to hit or something like that, the idea there is that, you know, wizard, get the fuck out of the way.

Stand way back.

Like you have to be strategic.

So just the idea that you could kind of show up and add plus 10 to your AC or plus 8 or plus 7 or something, it does kind of defeat the purpose.

Do we think is there a version of this that's like a magic item that is limited?

I did have that thought.

If it was a magic item, I don't, I wouldn't hate that.

Right.

Or a sexy little corn scroll.

Nothing better.

Limited use.

Yeah.

I think maybe this idea...

It's not evoking strong reactions.

I think this might need to cook a little bit.

Okay.

Even though it's a good idea, it doesn't feel like you're solving a problem that I've encountered in D ⁇ D.

Like, I just love the the shield spell.

Every once in a while,

you still will get hit even after you cast shield.

But that's cool to imagine, like, you're a bad guy breaking through your shield.

I have a pitch.

Oh.

That instead of doing this, like, gradation, you can upcast it.

You just, in the same way that there's mass cure wounds, you could do a mass shield.

That's like a fifth level

reaction that everyone gets shield.

Oh.

If I could react and cast shield in front of somebody else's character, that would make my eggs quiver.

That's interesting.

Yeah, doing like homebrew spells that are just spells that are usually just for a person, but you can extend that to a bunch of people, I think is a lot cleaner than although, like I said, this is relatively harmless.

I do think that at higher levels, it can get kind of broken because it does, like, when someone casts shield, usually when you get hit, it's just by an extra like two or three.

So you are kind of giving wizards almost a complete out-of-jail free card for like four rounds, which is nuts.

That's totally right.

Yeah.

Also, imagine if you were like a Blade Singer wizard.

Yeah.

You had crazy boosts to your AC.

Right.

Yeah.

So this is maybe veering on, depends on your campaign.

Yeah.

Depends on what level you're at.

Also, you might just be okay with your, you know, wizards throwing up shields and not getting hit as much.

Maybe they play differently because of that.

So this is not, you know, putting up a ton of red flags, but I've got a little mini red flag.

Okay.

So I think that...

You want to give a tiny little baseball?

Like a little, like a ping-pong ball.

I'll give a little ping-pong ball with a little red flag in it.

I'll say, come back, and maybe we'll take that little red flag out.

I'm going to replace that little ping-pong ball with a baseball.

That's great.

I'm going to give them some seed money that they can use to grow me some more cabbage to fuck.

I forgot that you fucked the cabbage.

Yeah, I just wanted to remind everyone.

Yeah, a couple months ago.

Cabbage fucks.

Yeah, so cabbage fucks.

Okay, the next pitch comes from Kester the Jackal.

This one was super short, just really short.

I like that.

I like like that energy.

So curious.

So I'm sharing it.

No preamble.

Just jumps right in.

Hand of holding, colon.

A grisly severed hand, but its firm grip is surprisingly reassuring.

A creature that holds this hand tightly in their own hand is immune to the frightened condition for the duration.

One million eggs.

I opened the bidding of one million eggs.

That's yeah.

One million perfect eggs.

It's an emotional support severed hand.

Yeah.

Yes.

When I read it, I was also like, I feel like I could use this in my own life.

Obviously, I don't want it to actually be severed, but I feel like a handhold that you're not expecting is so.

Yeah, a little magical handhold.

I like that.

And it's just, yeah, just immune to the frightening condition.

How often can you do it, remind me?

The entire duration that you're holding this, which it does have the consequence if you have a two-handed weapon.

Well, you're going to have to.

Yeah, you can't hold the shield if you're holding the hand.

Yeah, I think if you have to use your hand, if you fully like, no bullshit, like I'm holding it while I'm I'm holding a sword.

Right.

It can't grip your shoulder while it cannot grip your shoulder.

You have to hold hands with that.

It can't give you a friendly pat on the ass.

Yeah.

I like that.

Pretty good.

Yeah.

I also like this direct pitch.

This is just all idea.

Straight down the middle.

This is just

tossed straight over the plate.

This person is an enigma because this is like a very interesting, empathetic idea.

Yeah.

And yet they did not soften us.

They were cold and direct.

They just, they knew that what they were pitching us was

solid.

Yeah.

Oh my God.

It was so quick.

They must have other meetings.

They're like pitching us all around.

We gotta jump in.

Open the minute.

We might have to pool.

We might have to pool.

Call the secretaries.

Do not let them move the building.

Do not let them lock this paper out of the building.

I block my side.

Call the secretaries.

Yeah.

Secretaries.

Can we get some cabbage in here?

Hold on, get away from the cabbage.

We have worked on the camera.

I need cabbage in a porn scroll.

What?

Yeah.

For the client, obviously.

Okay.

Yeah, this is rad.

If you actually have to hold hands with it, it does, it brings up a really interesting problem that, like, yeah, it's very funny to think that people would go into battles with dragons and stuff and be like, I guess I'm not going to use my shield.

They're going to hold hands.

I think also, in the spirit of the brevity of this pitch, you need to just present this without any explanation.

Is it good or bad?

I don't know.

Do you want to hold this hand?

Maybe you'll see dead people.

Maybe

introducing it with some mystery.

Yeah.

It's really fun.

Yeah.

This is cool.

Okay.

We're all in.

We're all in.

Cancel your other meetings.

We're all in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

We're all taking all the rest of our eggs.

The rest of the day is a wash.

We have what?

We have to do that.

We have to do four other episodes.

We got to go back to the nest.

Okay, we're going to have to do IOUs after this.

Okay.

Iow eggs.

Yeah.

We're cleaning out the clutch.

Yeah.

Okay.

So we've defaulted.

Cleaning out the clutch.

So tortilled.

Okay.

Next up, a pitch from Nathan Van Ness, the vendor's money organizer.

I created this item for a player who needed to leave their ship in the hands of a trusted NPC.

This way, the player could gain a passive income as the NPC made ferry runs in their absence.

I am asking for one A for monetary transfer going forward.

Item description.

Time is money.

A hard-working business turtle like you should not be forced to waste time walking from the business to the bank.

Presenting the Vendor's Money Organizer.

Venmo for short.

Got it.

Using just the smallest amount of blood, the Venmo will mark itself as yours.

From then on, any money placed in the Venmo by another person will automatically be transferred into your personal purse.

Additionally, the money placed in the Venmo by the owner can be sent to the bank vault or personal purse of anyone they choose.

In both cases, the money arrives with a friendly message.

No, coins can't be transferred without a comment.

Okay.

Wow.

D ⁇ D is supposed to be an escape.

Yeah.

Yeah, just becoming a business tycoon indeed.

Also, they're kind of like treading on our gimmick a little bit, if I'm being honest.

They're treading on our gimmick.

Oh, with our turtles.

Yeah, with the turtle thing.

Because we should just call this Finmo.

Oh, I think that that was them speaking our language.

If anything, I think it was a sign of respect.

Okay.

Yeah.

I feel threatened.

What's the sound that turtles make when they're threatened?

Something like that.

That's also the sound he makes when he's humping lettuce.

Yeah, when they're humping the boot.

Turtles don't make a lot of noises.

They do when they're humping the boot.

We've all seen that video.

I feel like this, I feel like you need something extra, right?

Because it's like currently it is just kind of like instantaneous transfer of money.

And that's kind of like, I feel like there are items in DD that do that a little bit already.

I sort of imagine this happening already.

Like when I earn cash, it's like video game logic.

Like I just see like a purse number going up.

Like I don't imagine that I'm like in the game getting a ruby for doing a mission and then going to a vendor to get gold for it or something.

Yeah, I do.

Yeah.

If you find a hoard of treasure or something like that, I think we do just naturally convert it to cash.

We're not like, yeah, well, you got a sapphire and it's worth this and you got a diamond and it's worth this.

Yeah, we don't have to super

to make it liquid.

What about the transaction fees?

Yeah, I guess to me, I'm kind of like, I don't know that I need something like this.

I could see it working if, again, it were something more kind of nefarious and you were making a weird deal, or it was this like devil's bargain again, where it was something where you're like losing something else, but you're getting interest, almost like a cursed savings account.

Like, if you did

something like that, where there was like a twist on it, and it wasn't just what if real-life banks were in the game, you know what I mean?

Yeah, yeah, okay.

So, you once again are asking for a devil twist.

I do like the devil twist.

You got to pull that devil trigger.

Yeah,

yeah, I think.

Burp is wearing the exact replica of uh Dante from Devil May Cry's coat right now.

So safe.

Yeah, and he has a Slith Knot tattoo.

Hell yeah, dude.

Yeah, I think for me, this maybe isn't for my eggs, and I already don't have any eggs.

So I think I'm not going to default.

I can see some games where the players are loot-focused, like making some mechanics around loot being fun.

But for the way I play, I don't see myself using it.

Yeah.

I think since I'm currently working from a Deg Saffit.

yeah Jesus

I think I think I don't have the eggs to go forward with this idea.

Yeah.

Okay.

So is no one going for it?

Yeah, I think I think this needs to be more magical for me.

This is, you know, this is just obviously real banking stuff, but with like magic delivery, essentially.

The issue with the fairy also is you're you're talking about passive income, but you're not mentioning the passive loss.

You need to be depreciating the value of remote as you're not using it.

So, it's actually undercooked and overcooked at the same time.

Interesting.

That is interesting.

If you have passive income for your player, then actually there should be a role of the die to be like, is your fairy that you're operating from afar, is the NPC that's taking it over running it into the ground?

That's true.

I think that's literally and metaphorically.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think you got to do roles for your fairy to see if they're going to Bernie Maid off the player.

Yeah, yeah, I think so.

Yeah, yeah.

So, I I think, yeah, I'm vaguely interested in this.

I'm going to offer them a Terra Pinternship and put them in my think tank.

You just wanted to say Terra Pintern.

Nice.

Is that the wrong afternoon?

I've been sitting on that.

Is that the wrong afternoon?

After darkness.

I'm happy you said it.

I'm happy you said it.

It was

among the better ones.

Certainly.

That's your birthday gift.

Okay, so turtled.

Next picture

comes from Chaz P.

Hello, turtles of both the soft-shelled and hard-shelled varieties.

Thank you for acknowledging.

Is that true that there are soft-shelled turtles?

Oh, yeah.

Have you seen them?

There's one called the.

Are they okay?

There's the pignose turtle, which has like a long snout, uh, and it's got like a very, it's not fully soft, it's just got like more skin over the top of it.

So, like, it can't really retract its head as much, but it does have like a softer-looking shell.

Um, it's not like you couldn't like punch it at all.

It does still look like a decent shell.

Yeah, it's it's like as far as shells go, it's like a north face.

Yeah,

it's like a north face versus

a water game.

Yeah, yeah.

It's got some Gore-Tex.

All right.

All right.

Technically.

It's like a fleece.

I bring to you today my solution to forgetting to give my players new magical toys to play with.

Skill tree weapons.

Removed to pieces early in your campaign and probably tied into some lore somehow.

These items can grow along with your players while also giving some breathing room to DMs who sometimes forget the glory and goods that follow the dungeons and the dragons.

As players play, the DM can take note of their tendencies.

Then, anytime a character takes a feat or an ability score improvement via leveling up, they can also select a weapon mod from the DM-provided list.

Some options can be generic, upping the weapon to plus one, plus two, plus three, while others can be catered to the player, such as giving your wizard a charge of Misty Step because they always struggle to escape close-quarter combat.

For use of this idea in perpetuity, all I ask from you, lovely torts, is one egg you might put back at the store because of a small blemish.

Stay wet out there.

Wow.

Stay wet out there.

I like that.

You need that discount on the egg.

You know, yeah.

In my wilder days, when I was like a pranking teen, I would sometimes go to like a grocery store and I would take a sharp beat and I would like draw a little smiley face on the oranges and the eggs.

Really?

Just for a little surprise.

Just ruining food, Caldwell.

But only things that you take the rind off, right?

Yes.

Yes.

To a food that you would take the rind off of, like an orange or like those are are still just getting thrown out, though.

I saw your picture at a stop-in shop.

They said you were peeling bananas and drawing smiley things.

A happy banana makes sense, though.

It kind of does.

Yeah,

it's a little, it's a little harmless joy, and it might be providing some ink poisoning.

I don't know.

I think this is a great idea.

I've used stuff similar to this.

We did like the whetstone in campaign one that would up things to plus one.

We've done stuff in a home campaign that me and Emily played in, that I DM'd.

We had like a quest where everybody got weapons and then those weapons would get better as they go.

I love doing stuff like this because your players end up getting, if you go on a quest or something and you get some weapon or it's like a family heirloom that is handed down to them.

Oftentimes they're not going to want to replace that, right?

Yeah.

I was going to say, I always run into the issue that I get so emotionally attached to my weapon.

Yeah.

It's like, well, can't help but trade it out for me.

Yeah, I guess this Noel had a better sword.

I should use it.

Sorry, great grandfather's dagger.

Everybody just wants to go inside the sphere grid.

We're all just longing for the sphere grid from Final Fantasy X.

I want to have my weapon, and I want to upgrade it by launching myself into an extra-dimensional plane full of spheres.

I want to look at the spheres, I want to scroll through them and all and see what's available and what is coming for me down the line.

So, Paul Wilfer, in order for you to be in on this idea, is the sphere grid like baked into it non-negotiable?

Yes, and I think it needs to be an egg grid, it needs to be and it needs to have a smiley face on it.

Yeah, scanned how you upgrade them as you put the smiley face.

You absolute delinquent.

I think this is really cool.

And also, you have other ways of giving your characters loot, right?

Because they don't have to get like they're bonded to their weapons.

So their weapons get better when they level.

But if you ever want to give them something cool, like bracers that add to defense or like one of those like amulets of health that give you more HP, like there's a ton of items that aren't weapons that you could always reward them for as you think of it.

But I think having like weapons that stick with the characters is very cool.

And players would get excited when they level up to make their weapon better.

Yeah, when they launch themselves in a carton space and sort their egg slots.

It also is very generous for you as the DM to give a DM approved list and let them choose.

Yeah, that's really cool.

Unfortunately, we're all out of eggs.

So I'm going to default on my mortgage payment for my tank.

And I'm going to take out another, I'm going to take out a bad loan.

I'm going to put myself.

Yeah.

Shit.

You'll be living in your shell in the parking lot outside the tank.

But you know what?

Just fine because I believe in this idea.

And that's that turtle grind set.

Like, I've always got my home on my back.

Such a grind set.

You should see my turtle Instagram warning routine.

Instagram warning routine.

Instagram, that's really good.

Yeah, I swim in a tank of

seltzer water.

Oh, yeah, whatever.

First sparkling water.

4:40 a.m.

Yeah.

I've got my hostage tape over my beak every morning.

I just started.

I remember, like, because I started doing that for sleep stuff, and then I realized it's like an influencer thing.

Yes.

And they are all like, and I'll tell you from personal, everyone, all the influencers I've seen are like, it changes the way your face looks.

I've been doing it for months.

It doesn't.

It doesn't change the way your face looks.

Yeah, the thing that does that is the lighting and the angles that they have

using on Instagram.

No difference.

Or the jaw surgeons they're going to.

Right, yeah.

All the hours of mewing they're doing

if you mew mew all night that's yeah mew all night earn all day thank you

it's a quote by the worst person in the world

mew all night earn all day

mew all night earn all day

jesus oh my god

the police just showed using

put it on a fucking t-shirt

my god it's like a cow with a perfect jawline.

It's just like AI wrote a man influencer.

Shit.

It's a Tulpa.

He's real.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Yeah, this dude's going to appear on Instagram now.

Who is Jerry Turtle?

This is kind of like that scroll of lying.

AI is just kind of that scroll of lying that we're going to make jokes that become bots.

Yeah, and those bots are going to sue us.

Just absolutely.

Bots are going to sue us.

blaze.

We have to blaze this podcast so AI can't use it real quick.

Everybody say something random that just like wrecks the algorithm curve.

Okay, 12 grapes, 12 grapes, 12 grapes.

You were already thinking, that's not that random.

You were thinking about grocery stores.

You were thinking about deep faces.

Louisiana purchase.

Grapes, grapes, grapes.

Oh, Louisiana Purchase is good.

All right.

All right.

You, Louisiana.

No.

No, no, it's bad.

You all night, you're in all day.

All right, everybody.

I think we're gonna wrap this one up.

We have set the grind set.

Everyone's in on this last idea, right?

Yeah, what do you guys think?

I know it's just rocks and rules.

This is a cool idea.

As long as they'll take equity, yeah.

You know what?

All of the folks that submitted, check under your tanks.

There's a little gift bag there for you.

Yeah.

One of my longest, most sensual eggs.

There's a bottle of sparkling water that has the Mew quote on it.

That is really funny.

Wow.

It sucks.

That's it.

The idea.

That fucking sucks so much.

The idea of an influencer selling their own bottled water is either it's already happening or it's going to because so many of them.

So many of those influencers also make water their personality, like shooting into water.

Anyways, me all night.

We all like water.

Mew all night, 12.

12 grapes, 12 grapes.

Mew E D F.

Got glazed on that,

All right, everybody.

Thank you all, Black.

Orange, yellow, yellow, seven, fourteen.

Okay, yep.

Thank you all so much for listening.

We'll be saying more stupid shit over on our Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadpod.

This N-A-D-D-P-O-Don't Sing Yet.

Whoa, whoa.

We've got some stuff to plug.

We've got a bunch of Dimension 20 shows coming up, so be on the lookout for that on June 1st.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl and Los Angeles.

We're doing Fantasy High.

We're doing Fantasy High.

That's going to be super fun.

We've also got Climate Pledge Arena in July in Seattle, and then we're going to meet in Vegas in November.

So be on the lookout for that doing Starstruck.

I think I'm going to come to the Juniper Show in Los Angeles if that changes your opinion.

The Juniper Show.

Is it July 1st?

It's June 1st.

Oh, I thought you said the Juniper Show.

The Juniper Show?

Like Jennifer, but Junior Show.

You were right.

Yeah.

Baldwin will be at the Juniper Show.

I'm at the June Show in the parking lot.

Okay.

Juniper is the name of my holiday cleric.

Cleric of holidays.

That's great.

Happy Murph Days to you all.

Does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

Oh, I just want to give a quick shout out to Reed W,

a patron who made the instant minion generator.

In our most recent mixed bag, I put together this little like generator where you like roll a bunch of dice and create like a little instant minion.

And Reed made a version of that you can play with online.

Just go to read with three E's, wi.github.io/slash instant minion.

There's a dash with minion.

And you can play with it yourself.

They will put a link in the show description because it's really fun.

Great.

Check it out.

All right, everybody.

You can follow us on social media that Ray or may not use at Seesvers.

Me, at Caldus Caldwell, at Extras Emily, and Atticus Jake.

And you can talk about the show online using hashtag NADPOD.

That's N-E-D-D-P-O-D.

We are, we are,

youth of the nation.

We are, we are,

youth of the nation.

Gold, copper, bronze, seven, blue, glazed.

And now it is time to thank our benevolent council of elders.

They are Brad D., Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C., Daniel G, Danielle, the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T., Balnor's Boy, Hoyt's Friend, Justin I.

Danny Danster, TJM, Trele the Cray, Christopher B., Damiel R., Jordan L., Cyborg Version of Josh the Kobald, Targot, Stevie Waggs, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDM Ph.D., Princess Yar, Jory S., Jack L., Nicholas C., the star of every film ever made in Bahumia, Mike H., Alka Smeltzer Plus, Great Value Gemma, Tyler F., Heradrian, Carborough, Chapel Hill FPV, Cece Lulu, Olcob's Dunkel, Older Burn, Heracule Poirot, the Rabbit Folk Detective, Timmy R.

Rayko, Jake's Jerk Jelly, hashtag CCC, of course, Taylor B, Insert Ren's Uh-huh, Laugh Here, Cass, Strong Grinch, Steven, shout out to Bowie the Troll, C, Mike K, Nick W, William W, Big Bad, Beardo the Mad, Eric McD, Anorama, Percival, Fred Rickstein, VinMuscle, Klowowski, Dirolo the Third, Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, Honoring the Cock, Mayonnaise, H, Ben A, Dave H, Dustin S, Not That Nick, Danny F, Hawkeye Pierce, Book Vars Assistant, Izzy F, Big Bad John, DPC is awesome, Sean, the Shape Tree Mechanic of Zeldar, Summer RG, Mark the Dark Lord's Taint, Cat C, Misa of House and Zunza, Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, aka Velazi Raptor, B Perky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie, the Faywild Therapist, Connor, Savage, Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextrous, Trubhop Dropper, Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket style tournament.

Valen, Paj, the bitchin' bunny bard, Druid, Peyton, Carlin, C, Noah the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock, James G, Crystal T, Everything, Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Chatterbones, Han, Eric B., Marcos, learns the balance, Druid, Frida M, Maggie, Holly, the green laughing hyena, Cal misses the D5s with all her heart, Aaron B.

Russell, H, a monk named Dilgo, yes, the whole thing, yes, every time.

Cody, C, McKenna Stout, your friendly neighborhood, and Yunkel, Andrew and Sid, John Adams, we can be done with presidential puns.

Meg, the mail carrier of Bahumia, James F.

Austin, S.

Wayfarer now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them.

Turn to page 42.

Keep them.

Turn to page 69.

Oreo, Shane C., Barpo, Good Barrel, Bart, Marion, Garrett G, one big curd, Bovine Beauty, Renee, the monster captain, Olivia the Enchanting Bart, and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric, who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troupe.

Blue, Ash, Fico, Garrett the Artificer, Valkyrie, the Girt Sea Brother, Anthony the Raddest of Dudes, Jay, the Fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

Cantrip Dumbledore, the Bear Onesie-Wearing Barbarian, Lexi loves the two crew, Roger L.

Nodrog, the pass-a-fist barbarian, John Luca, Leon K, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, shenanigans O'Connor, Meos the Great, Joshua S., Alexander, Lins W., Johnny Dude K, the Mischief of Nadpods, Familiars, Pabu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Kit and their cat, Tim M T R M L G Cheeto, Shel B, Kenna's first favorite Sprite Girl, hoping everyone's critters and kidders are happy and well.

Thanks, Shel B.

Snailus, who is infecting Worcestershire for within.

A Boar Prince's boisterous well-earned snort laugh, hell yes, Pawpaw Sky Days, Mima Sky Days, Megan N, Anthony B., Savannah H., Balnor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House and Zunza, Benjamin A., Gimley the Corgi, Pawpon Foster's canine friend, Michael A.

Josh H.

Pilot of the Nightmare Verse Flight, The Two Crew Blew Through, Jennery, Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashasaurus, Billy B., Tori the Tungsten Dragoose, Accidental Sharer of Recipes, Michael L.

S.

II, Carl B.

Plumber of the Realm, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A.

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg, Darius D, D, the guy from that one thing, Vinn Diagram, Catamilius, the consumed, A.

Gun Banjo Boy of the Flatlands with two working kidneys, Clinton P, Grinchful Cam, the Grinch Frog Man, Dean, Jake W, High Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star, Steve L., Taylor Mick M, Alex G, Zibby DeBaccery, Nicole, Kaylee, of the Order of the Oaken Ore, Misty, the crispy kitty really hates flame skulls, Greg W, a fan since the old CH YouTube days.

All right.

Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide.

Literally, Satan, Chupak, Aubrey, Boney is dead.

Cohen Pace, the Duke of Silk's missing son.

The Waterworth, Nick, Amy, Carl Corner Club, and Charlemagne, not the god.

Thank you, everybody.

That was a hitgum podcast.