Skaldova - Ep. 5: The Parley

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This is a head gun podcast.

Welcome to the campaign after the campaign.

This is not another DD podcast.

Welcome back to Skaldova, everybody.

Skald Jove.

Ignis in Requiascat.

I'm your dungeon master, Jay Kurwitz, here with Brian Murphy.

Brute with a loot, Zudrick of the murder.

He's keeping it.

Emily Axford.

Unsuccessfully abstaining from the princess's sexy painting.

It's well a hand down.

Somebody wipe the drool.

And of course, we've got Caldwell Tanner.

Ooh, getting risky as I mouth sniff whiskey.

It's Boggy Roger.

I forgot about the mouth sniffing.

Indeed, indeed.

Now, first, before we get into it, how about a little recap?

All right, Merph's on board.

Last time, our three odd travelers entered the Dawnhold, once the proud castle of House Summer, now the dark fortress of Bulric the Banished.

You avoided a pit trap, a piranha pool, and fought off a giant tentacle before bursting your way into the princess's lost library.

Once inside, our tragic trio was savagely attacked by a book as you discovered a secret

as you discovered a secret study.

Entering the room, you viewed an erotic mural, played the opening chord to Semi-Charmed Life, Third Eye Blind's 1997 hit single from your self-titled debut album, and took a swig of 200-year-old whiskey.

You collected some relics, each to your own individual ends, and then expertly picked an unlocked door on your way into an expansive banquet hall hosting a pile of bones.

And that is where we are now.

Give me another door.

I'm gonna pick it.

Okay, hold up, bones.

That's not easy.

Calm yourself, willy so you stand in this expansive hall the last light of the day fading from an air shaft somewhere far above you take in this decimated room and this ragged pile of bodies when suddenly it seems to speak welcome travelers what we have been expecting you

expect us

Out of the shadows behind the heap, two figures emerge, both short-statured, heavyset men, each wrapped in a musty maroon robe, clasped with the black iron emblem of a chalice.

The one in front, his thin hair slicked back over a spotted scalp, spreads his hands as if greeting honored guests.

Please, make yourselves at home.

Marvis, damn you, won't you pull up a chair for our guests?

I was.

I was about to.

Oh, you are the Order of the Scared Ones.

Indeed, we are.

And Marvis runs forward, pale and sweaty, with the salt salt and pepper bowl cut damp against his forehead.

He's frazzled and he begins heaving a wooden bench across the stone floor.

It screeches as he mutters crossly to himself.

I actually would have preferred the chair over there with a bit of velvet on it.

Actually, I

were not going to be sitting at all.

I cross my arms.

Yeah.

Yeah, we like to stand.

I'm swaggering a little bit because I'm drunk.

I trip as I say that.

Marvis pauses, confused.

Rictors?

Get them a seat anyway, you inhospitable oaf!

Okay!

He drags the bench across the hall.

Marvis, good sir, you let your compatriot speak to you in a way that I would never.

Indeed, that is not how chums greet each other.

Victor says, Victor says in charge.

I don't mind.

Please, have a seat.

All right.

Yeah, I'm not gonna take a seat.

I everything about you guys is just a bad vibe.

Yeah, bad vibes.

Isn't that this castle is bad vibes?

Yes, yes.

There is much much work to be done in the castle for sure.

Right, is please, how may I make you more at home?

I would offer to take your cloaks, but there is a chill about a beverage, perhaps.

Oh, worry not.

We've brought our own.

Yeah, we're good on the beverage front.

What are you?

Okay, so you just came and offered us a seat in front of a pile of bones.

Whose bones are these?

Yeah.

Excellent question.

Oh, no.

These are these are old bodies.

Soldiers of the old hold, mostly.

Of course, some new constituents.

True, too true, Victus.

Yes, well, um, Victus, we're looking for three

friends of ours that we believe may have lost their way in this castle.

Indeed, we are here to escort them back.

Ah, the travelers, yes.

They are most fortunate that we found them.

When we did, they certainly had lost their way.

But Bulric the Benevolent has taken pity on them, and they may yet be saved.

Interesting.

I believe it would be best if we spoke with this Sir Bulric.

Yes, in time, in time.

Please sit.

We have much to discuss.

Amarvis, another bench.

Bring another bench.

They obviously don't like this bench.

I will never like any bench that you bring me.

We're going to have this meeting with you ten feet away in lance distance.

Yes.

And I'm not sitting down.

Yeah, kick the bench, Willie.

Don't kick the bench.

We can lie down on the bench.

Why the hell would we lie down on the bench when the scared ones are here and we know that they're acting no good?

And where is Sister Faye?

Why, Sister Faye?

But you have a friend in the deep.

Yes, I come from another order.

What order do you come from?

The Order of the Oak and Ore.

Ah, orders of the Past.

We are an Order of the Future.

Uh, yes, the future!

The future indeed, Victus.

Is this what?

Is that why you're surrounded by old bones?

Yeah, this doesn't feel very future.

Yeah, this is an old-ass castle.

There's a door you didn't even open.

Boggy opened it, and all he had to do was separate his shoulder.

Stop focusing on the bones!

They're not our bones!

They're just-

You introduced us in a room with bones, and now you won't sit down.

There's just a lot of bones!

What does it matter to you?

At least use the bones for something.

You could construct a chair out of the bones for someone.

That would be rash.

Have you ever been to an ossuary?

Answer the question.

Bone cathedral.

Oh, I didn't know what that was.

That actually sounds really my aesthetic.

Thank you for letting me know what's going on.

It's nice you don't come from one.

It's quite ripe.

It's good to know where

we have no uses for bone cathedrals here.

We have much more important work to be doing.

Marvis, make a bone chair for our guests.

They obviously have a preference.

Don't want a chair.

Just one moment.

One moment for the bone chair.

Marvis scurries towards the pile of bones.

I'm going to whisper to the two of them: what is up with them and our butts?

They want us to put our butts on our body.

I want to sabotage our butts.

Marvis digs through the pile of bodies and sort of constructs a crude pile of bones and offers it half-heartedly.

Okay, the chairs, the chairs are just a non-starter, my guys.

They're just a non-starter.

Very well.

Very well.

Let's speak.

I just wish to make you comfortable.

For what reason?

Why are you so we can discuss the order and how you may be helpful for the ritual, etc., etc.

Please know how we may be of help, and we'll decide if we think that's appropriate.

Indeed.

So Victus just stands awkwardly awkwardly by the bench.

Now, you come to seek the travelers, do you not?

Yes.

I assure you they are below and they are well regarded and well looked after.

Do you wish to to join them to witness the ritual?

So they have not partaken in a ritual yet.

Oh no.

But they've been gone for several days.

What are you waiting for?

We have grand plans, and the ritual must must take place on the first lightless night when the moon is darkest.

Which is tomorrow eve, is it not, Marvis?

Now I love a good ritual as much as any man, but we must make sure that they are willing participants.

But of course, what do you think we are?

Monsters?

I don't know what lies in the deep, but from what I see right here, there are three of us and two of you, and I'm becoming impatient.

Jake, are they wearing robes with hoods?

Their hoods are pulled back, but yes, they are wearing robes with hoods.

Okay.

What size are those hoods?

What size are those robes?

What size?

They're humanoid size, so they're not much, they're short in stature, but they're not much shorter than you.

Boggy throws a chair at Marvis.

Wait!

The nice one?

I feel like we could have this one guy's sort of chair.

Okay, make an attack at Marvis.

Zedric starts to go forward and goes, I will free the bullied one from the bully.

Oh,

he was into it.

There was something else there.

I mean, it's no good.

There's a dynamic.

It's no good.

Okay, yeah, go ahead and give me an improvised weapon attack.

With decks, it's going to be a 12.

A 12 does hit Marvis.

Victus, do something.

Look at that.

That bone chair just shattered on impact.

Protect me!

Victus stands up and he raises his hands.

He says, please, please, we only wish to parlay.

You have wandered far to be here.

Then parlay!

You're wasting our time without giving us the info that we want.

And I'm a little drunk.

I'm a little toasted.

She certainly needs a seat.

Please,

stop with this.

What are you trying to do to our butts?

You have to tell us what you're trying to do to our butts.

Nothing.

You know what?

You're like, you're like a locked box, and I'm a locksmith when I'm drinking.

I take my hairpin shit.

You should imagine how quickly Willie opened this door, this locked gate.

Victus backs away from the hairpin.

Easy does it.

Easy does it.

Yes, they wish to ensorce all our asses.

What do you want from us specifically?

Ideal world.

We're sitting in chairs.

What do you say to us?

Yes, get us an elevator pitch.

Go!

Marvis!

Now, get the drinks!

Get the drinks, you fucking.

What?

Drinks!

What?

The second anyone comes near me with a drink, I'm gonna try and shove it into their face.

We're on so high alert right now.

You have fucking piracas here.

You have tentacles.

There are traps everywhere.

Freaking poison dogs.

Yes, there are many tests in the key.

Wait a minute.

Are you two scholars?

Are you two scholars?

You read books.

I sniff the air

of fish barons.

I abstrep throat.

My voice is not always like this.

Oh, okay.

All right.

Well, that's actually irritating.

Jeez.

Oh.

Yeah, you should be sitting down here.

Thank God we didn't sit close to each other.

Yeah.

Jeez.

We're all breathing recycled.

Are you on antibiotics?

Are you non-contagious?

I'm standing 10 feet away from you, am I not?

As requested.

Oh, geez.

No.

It's quite anti-mask.

I may.

I'm doing my own research as all.

Oh, he is a scholar.

He is a scholar.

Give this dude the jab.

Come on.

Even I know you've got to wear a mask.

I understand.

You may not trust what I say, but some truths cannot be spoken.

They must be shown.

Which is why we want to bring you below, but we of course can't do that until you have become part of our order.

Marvis!

He starts snapping his fingers.

I'm coming.

I've hurt my leg, I was all.

One moment.

Yeah, those boggy with the

thought we were going to attack and steal the robes.

Who throws bones?

Shit, I love that idea.

Yeah, that's what I was going for.

Marvis clatters back with a tray with a carafe and some glasses.

The carafe has a viscous black liquid inside.

Do they look like the little...

Darwin gave us something to disguise our potions in.

You can give me a perception check.

Okay.

Everybody can do that.

That's a nat one for Wellie.

I also got an at one.

I'm drowning.

13.

Zudrick and Wellie, you guys are on high alert.

You're not taking your eyes off of Marvis and Victus.

But, Boggy, you can see here that the carafe is full of a liquid that looks very similar to the liquid you guys have concocted with Darwin.

And the container is similar because these are containers that Darwin took with him from the hold.

Okay, okay, okay.

Well,

please, I mean, yes, we will gladly partake, but allow us to pour it ourselves.

It's only fitting.

Victus narrows his eyes at that.

I prepare another chair.

What do you mean, board ourselves?

I think we're supposed to just swap the cups.

Yes,

feel free.

You may do the pouring then.

So now he's going to watch us fucking pour it.

You can pour it back in to the craft.

I was going to have Marvis do it, but you can pour it.

Marvis is all right.

It's you who I don't trust.

Even though we know we threw the bench at Marvis.

Well, Marvis passed the test.

There's a lot of things in the past five minutes that have happened that we haven't discussed let's be honest it's a shit show that's right i said it okay then i i sort of huddle with the crew here and i go now that it's back in the craft how the fuck do we switch the liquids good

i'm really confused what do you mean we go for it go for it

i thought you're the one who did i thought we had three vials and three vials and they've got a graph he gave us vials that look like they're cops.

Darwin hooked at the bottom of the corner.

Yeah, so we could have just sort of swaps.

So now we'll pour it and then sleight of hand it.

So we'll just...

There's just an extra step here.

It's fine.

Let everyone relax, okay?

Marvis mouths something to Victus and Victus shrugs.

We're going to do good night, bad night, because I've been super aggro, okay?

So you guys have to kind of convince me.

All right?

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm not drinking this shit.

Look.

Oh.

Clanky, my friend, we must.

Don't call me Clanky.

I can actually mask.

I don't crack that much.

Fight, fight.

Wait, sorry, sorry.

Zudrick, I come from the Order of the Oaken Ore, and we love to show hospitality.

In fact, it would be unknightly, unchivalrous to not.

So I do believe that it is just a true show of hospitality.

Indeed, you know what?

While Welly is pouring, Marfus, I'm so sorry, my friend.

Please throw a chair at me in return.

I'll use this as a distraction.

Marvis approaches hesitantly, looks at Victus.

Victus shrugs.

And Marvis, shout out to the two crew.

He pushes over a bench in your general direction.

I ham it up for him.

Oh, that nicked my shin.

Yikes.

So while this was happening, Welly has poured, and I'm going to try to have swapped out our vials okay give me a sleight of hand check okay I do this with advantage because of the guidance nice of the lodestar

I'm gonna use my tactical mind to add a d10 okay nice that becomes a 13

a 13 Marvis and Victus are each going to roll against this because they are watching intently okay

Marvis with a four

smiles, satisfied.

And he motions to Victus.

Victus stares at you for a long moment, his dark eyes squinting as if trying to see something on the other side of you.

Then,

rolling a 21,

he snaps.

Enough!

He slaps his palm against the table, rattling the glasses in carafe.

We have been gracious and welcoming, but you threw a chair at my friend, and I fear our patience has run its course.

Eat, great axe.

I attack him.

No!

I had a whole thing to say!

Say it, initiative, asshole.

I kick Marvis in the head.

Yeah, wait your turn, dung-hill.

Everybody, roll initiative.

We'll see if Victus gets to say his speech.

17.

23, 6.

Okay, Boggy, you are first.

Victus has not been able to give his little speech yet.

I'm going to take the bench that Marfus threw at me and throw it at Victus.

Okay.

But as I'm doing this, I'm actually using my alert feet to do an initiative swap so that Zudric can go first.

Whoa.

Oh, okay.

That's awesome.

Beat bench quick before he tells us what he wanted to do.

Run forward and I'm going to do my launch attack onto Victus.

That's a 18 to hit.

Now listen.

Oh, shit.

Yes.

You hit Victus.

Great.

Okay.

We don't want to hear it.

24 damage.

Oh, my God.

He's truly very, very almost dead.

Also, the Lance has the topple property, so DC 13 con saving throw, or else he's knocked prone.

Okay.

Victus rolled a seven.

He was preparing his speech and he stumbles backwards, tripping on bones.

You ruined it.

You ruined my moment.

Well, build a better chair next time.

Okay.

And actually, writing himself from the bones, that is Victus, who dusts himself off and just says, oh, forget it.

Marvis, you know what to do.

And Victus draws a dark black dagger and is going to charge forward at you, Zudrick.

And he trips on a bone and rolls a one.

The bones have it.

That is Welly's turn.

Okay.

I'm going to try to swing down with my great axe.

Does a 10 hit?

A 10 does not hit him.

Okay.

She's wasted.

I'm drunk.

I'm surprised you weren't done in by the piranhas.

Fully sloshed.

That is Marvis's turn, who got the nod from Victus knows what he has to do, and he mutters,

Why has it always got to be Marvis?

As Marvis grumbles, he produces a rusted dagger.

Marvis, fetch the glasses, Marvis, set the table.

Marvis, summon the beast.

And with that, he drives the blade into his own palm.

You hear a sick thwack as it bursts through the back of his hand.

Blood pumps from the wound, solid black as he raises it to the ceiling.

Where's old Marvis?

Suddenly you hear a thump, a tremor from above.

Thump.

Dust drifts down from the rafters.

Thump.

Stillness for a heartbeat, and then flying as if catapulted from the beams, a horrifying blur of hooked limbs and leathery sinew crashes into Marvis, knocking him to the ground.

His breath catches in a wet, choking grasp as a stark white bone claw punches through his chest.

The horror hunches over Marvis, then twists its vulture-like head unnaturally to stare at the rest of you.

It raises the dying monk off the stone floor as his body jerks, kicking weakly, inky blood pulsing from his lips as Marvis does the last thing that he'll do with his life.

He smiles.

And that is the hook horror's turn.

It's just twisted its head unnaturally, and it's going to attack the

bench thrower, Boggy.

There's blood.

Wow,

it remembers Marvis's grievances.

It is Marvis's friend.

Oh my god, it crit.

I'm so sorry.

Wait, on that crit, I am going to use my reaction

and say, activate Lodestar Rune and have the crit hit Victus.

Oh, fuck.

Holy shit.

So the hook horror stomps towards Boggy.

It swings its hook, but Welly, you throw your voice and it spins around, clocking Victus with this crit.

Oh, Victus, didn't you know that this monster needs two people to sacrifice themselves?

It hits Victus and Victus is on death's door already.

And you redirected the crit, but not the other attacker.

I can only do one.

I use my reaction.

Boggy just like points and laughs and then you just get side-swiped.

That's a 19-to-hit Boggy.

Still hits, yep.

It slashes into you for 11 damage.

Oof, yikes.

Bones have been thrown.

All right, that is is Zudrick, aka.

I think it's Boggy.

You guys have swapped.

Boggy is going to back up out of the range of this bone horror and then is going to look over, see Victus, and is going to launch into him.

He's going to draw his scimitar and his short sword.

He's going to try and finish him off.

I'm still open to a parlay.

Whatever you planned on doing to our butts is not happening this night.

If you would have just taken a seat, your obsession would have been fine.

With controlling the altitude of our butts is sick.

It's sick.

Your days are numbered, Rump Lord.

I only wish you to be comfortable.

Don't call me Rump Lord.

Too late, sir, Rumplord.

It is not how I wish to be remembered.

It is you who will be the Rump Roast this day, friend.

I'm gonna take two attacks.

Okay.

First attack is gonna be a 23.

Yeah, you can finish Victus.

He has one HP.

All right, stab him in the gut and knock him over and then sit on him.

Finally!

Now that's a chair fit for a me.

Wow.

Okay.

Zudric laughs so hard and clutches his knees and bends over.

The Rump Lord no more.

You guys crack up your laughs echoing in the cavern as this bony horror is approaching Zudrick, but that is Zudric's turn.

Started from the bottom, now he's here.

Started from my bottom.

Sick freak.

Freaking Rump Lord.

Sick freak, I'm drunk.

I'll launch up to to this bone horror.

12 to hit.

Does not hit.

Alright, wasted launch.

Launch up.

Launch right over.

That is the rumplord's turn.

He is dead.

He's bleeding out from his gut wound.

Welly, that's your turn.

Okay, I'm gonna take out my maul and try to go after this bone horror.

It squawks at you.

24 to hit.

Squawks.

Sorry, did you just squawk?

Are you a bird?

You have to tell us if you're a bird or something.

What kind of bird were you once, my set of bones?

It cocks its beaked head at you.

Wait,

you're a bird.

Kingfisher, Heron, or a crow, were you?

This is a foul bird.

It does not look like one of Zudrick's birds.

It looks like a human-sized vulture that's lost all of its feathers.

Great.

Okay, so I got a 24 to hit.

Does hit.

I'm going to activate Hiltrune

to do an extra 2d6 damage.

nice nice nice

only 15 damage but it has to do a con saving throw or fall prone and a strength saving throw or be restrained

by fiery hilty shackles all right uh con I'll do the con throw first uh that's a 15.

That passes.

Okay, so this beast is not prone.

And then a strength saving throw.

That's a 19.

That passes.

Okay.

Okay.

It is not prone or restrained.

Beefy bird.

I'm in an action surge.

Whoa.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Surge, surge, surge.

Nat 20.

Woo!

I just got excited like it wasn't my monster, but I'm proud of you.

17 more damage.

Nice.

And that is another con save or be prone.

Damn.

Okay.

Con save.

Sorry, that's a dirty 20.

God.

All right.

This

boned bird is just prancing around.

Birds?

Unflappable.

Birds should not be this strong.

Yeah, this is wrong.

You're supposed to have hollow bones.

These bones are so thick, I knock on the bones.

I once wrestled with a rather beefy turkey, and even then I defeated that.

Yeah, you could

hang a painting on these

bones.

You really could.

This bird's jacked.

This jacked bird is flightless, but it kicks off the destroyed chandelier, leaps in the air, and is going to take two attacks on Zudrick because you knocked on its firm bones.

That makes sense.

I've never seen muscular bones before.

Only a 13 and a 15 to hit.

Both miss.

Wow.

Wow.

So they drive into your armor and scrape down, but they don't pierce your thick plate.

And that is Boggy's turn.

Right.

Oh, I'm going to actually go behind the chandelier, try and get a little cover.

I'm going to notch an arrow.

You're going bird hunting.

You know what?

I'll use my lucky.

to give myself advantage on this attack.

Good man.

Nat.

20!

No!

Damn!

And a two.

Shout out to the two crew, but I'll take the 20.

You guys are critting on my horror.

That's the damage.

That's going to be nine damage.

All right.

And I'll make it a trip attack, so they'll need to do a strength save or they will fall pro.

We are trying to get

him.

You know what?

Maybe.

Slow down, you stupid fish.

Is this on us?

We're trying to trip a bird.

It's a 17.

The bird prances over your arrow.

So fleet footage.

Flightless.

You think it's so trippy.

If it weren't trying to kill you it might be gorgeous yeah

um zudrick that's your turn okay i will make my attack oh

15 15 hits absolutely

this horrifying bird blinks at you yeah i'm out of launches for the moment i'm just like really breathing heavy this armor it's really hard to pull vault i'm just i'm gassed perhaps if you took your helmet off yes i'm not going to do that i'm going to use savage attacker to roll my damage twice

Take the higher one, which is 13 damage total.

13 damage.

Heights.

All right.

And I guess if we get it back after a short rest, I'll action surge.

I haven't used my action surge yet.

So I will

action surge.

And I will...

We've got the urge to try again.

This fleet-footed beast backpedals away from you as you drive forward.

Trip it.

Trip it.

I think it was fleet-footed enough.

I only got a 10.

It dexterously avoids you.

Fuck damn it.

Actually, from the attack, I can try to topple it.

Give me a con saving throw.

One of us is going to knock this goddamn bird down.

It just crit.

What?

How to trip a bird?

How to just

not rhyme with

any part of that song.

That's how to save a life.

How to trip.

Fuck.

Where did I go wrong?

I tried to trip a bird.

The The birds fly.

Yeah.

No, it works.

Check shout.

Yeah, it absolutely works.

That's my turn.

All right.

I get this song stuck in my head.

I don't know where that came from.

It's just an idea for your loot.

I looked at my inventory.

I have a hand drum and a clarinet and a lyre also.

Okay.

The bird starts bobbing to that.

And Willie, that's your turn.

Okay, okay.

I lift up my maw and I say, I'm ready to end this.

Does a 16-hit.

16 hits.

Woo!

That is 12 damage.

12 damage.

This thing is on death's door.

And it has to do constantly throw or pitch.

Get tripped.

Down.

Get tripped, bitch.

Get tripped, bird.

Tripped, bird.

Just walk up

insane.

I crit again.

Don't worry.

Its legs are so skinny.

Against all odds, this bird flaps its bones and seems to levitate.

The thing is all ankle.

It lands softly on a table

and is going to attack Zudrick, who's been trying to trip it.

I believe we've all been trying to trip it.

It's rolling bad to attack, though.

It just can't be spending all its energy out of it.

It's two and a three.

It's pecking harmlessly at your armor.

I look around at everyone panting, and I'm like, this is just a bad show overall, huh?

We're all eating.

Pretend this never happened.

Boggy, please kill this thing.

Boggy's turn.

I tackle it, just try and trip it.

Just kidding.

From my vantage point behind the chandelier, I'm going to fire another arrow.

All right.

Does the 15 hit?

A 15 hits.

Nice.

Okay.

Thank the Lord Star.

Thank the hill.

Thank the ender.

Give the ender a kiss for me.

That's a nine.

Boggy, trip this bird.

Yes.

I see the arrow lodge itself in its ankle, and I say, no, no, no, and I rush forward.

And then we enter slow-mo as I take out my clarinet and play, how to trip.

Time keeps on tripping, tripping, tripping into this bird.

And yeah, I, with the help of my friends, tabletop this bird.

Careful, Boggy, you're going to dislocate your shoulder again.

I still got one good one.

This bird, the pile of bones, falls finally to the floor as Boggy pops his his shoulder back into place.

Oh, there it goes.

The hook horror, Victus, and Marvis are all dead.

And now you stand in the desolate hall, which is lit only by your torchlight, the dancing glow playing across the haggard banners.

You see, now, carved in the stone above, is an ornate dragon, its eroding stone wings spanning the length of the vast hall.

On one end is the door where you entered, the rusted iron gate that Welly picked.

On the other is the dark doorway where Marvis went to fetch your drinks.

Okay, I don't know if we have time for this, but I want to look at these banners.

What sorts of coats of arms are being represented?

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All right.

Yeah.

You have plenty of time.

You can give me a history check with advantage or a perception check.

Not 20, baby.

Woo!

And it's history for Wellie.

Okay, so Wellie, you just traverse the entire hall holding a torch, taking in each banner.

They are in tatters, and some of the bolts are entirely empty.

But you do clock a couple of banners and I will tell you what they are.

Okay.

You see a giant blue banner with a silver swordfish.

Oh.

You see a stag surrounded by stars.

Okay.

You see a blue hawk on a cream field.

As you approach the end, fraying but visible, you see an airship.

Something that you haven't really ever seen in real life.

A skyboat?

Yes, this is a boat flying through the clouds.

And then you also see your own sigil.

The Order of the Oaken Ore has been around for a long time.

They've guarded the Ore of the Gods since their arrival.

So your own banner is in here.

Wow.

Oh, it feels wrong to steal them all, but I want to at least try to draw all of these.

Do I know where the giant blue with a silver swordfish or the stag surrounded by stars or the blue hawk in the cream field or the airship?

Do I know anything about them or do they predate history?

These don't necessarily predate history, but these are minor houses that might not have been recorded or have been lost.

They were around in the age of stories, but their tales are lost to time.

Oh.

Okay, I'm going to just draw them all down.

Of course.

Yeah.

Yes, while you do that, I'll get out my treasure bag and go to work.

yeah you willie takes her time copying all of the heraldry uh boggy you're looking for treasure are you what are you doing digging through the pile of bodies uh yes disrespectfully yes i'm also looting i'm looting um the two monks that came after us oh very good oh okay oh yes i like this and marvis i'm gonna see what they have on them boggy's idea that we would wear their hoods oh yes yes i think two of you can wear their hoods and uh i can perhaps blend against the the algae of the wall a bit well i don't take my armor off, so I might want to just maybe you want to do, we sort of do the chewbacca move.

Oh, be a really one-wheeler.

Be a prisoner, yes.

Oh, I thought you meant I would, I thought,

Chewbacca from Lone Star Wars.

Yes, exactly.

Because I thought maybe you meant, like, oh, I would wear the cloak and then sit on your shoulders, and we would just

pretend I can't hear Welly over all of the looting that I'm doing.

I'm sorry,

Did you take your helm off

so you can hear me?

Wellie's got a great idea because maybe Victus drank the black lace and got really tall.

Okay.

Actually, look at their bodies.

I'm curious to see if they're already marred by the.

What if we could just cut their heads off and wear their heads on the hoods?

Do you need a head so they could peek out if they have beards or something?

How are you?

Do you need a head?

Do I need a head?

No.

Okay, so you have one.

Head start?

I do have a head.

All right.

What do these monks have on them?

Okay,

so you tear open their cloaks.

You poke their bodies with your lance.

They don't have anything of import on them.

They've got their vials that they were drinking their black lace from.

They have weapons, no personal effects,

which is almost, which is almost odd.

It seems like they've given everything to the order.

They've lost their humanity.

What about the knife that they tried to attack us with?

Does it have black lace on it?

Uh, you can inspect the knife.

Uh, it seems like it has some kind of black poison on it.

Hmm.

They were devoted through and through.

Well, a true shame.

All right, well, I guess you all can wear these robes and we can see if we need them if we get caught as we get deeper in.

Verily.

Okay.

But I would like to inspect this pile of bodies and bones and armor.

Okay, yeah, sure.

Give me an investigation check.

I'll give a help action.

Let's see how old these bones actually are.

Because they were saying these are old bones, and these bones look pretty good to me.

I knock on the bones.

Could hang a paging on these bones.

I know I keep saying that.

No, but it's a common saying.

Of course, yeah.

It's a common saying like when someone's been having their milk, they say,

You could hang on a paging on these bones.

You know, after they fall, and everyone's like, I can't believe you didn't break your leg.

Right, yeah.

You can hang a paging on those bones.

yeah.

Stone bones.

Um, that's a 15.

Uh, okay, you, I don't think there's anything in this pile that is going to be better than any of your weapons, but as you pick through, you can see that indeed, these are probably very, very old bones.

Like, the monks who originally found this keep didn't take the time to bury some of the last soldiers of the castle.

So, there are rusted weapons with

sigils carved in them.

Sigils?

Any interesting sigils I've never seen before?

You're obsessed with sigils.

What have they?

Check them out, I guess.

Sigils that, Welly, at this point, that you have seen some of the some of the sigils from the banner, there's a lot of like the sunbursts.

These are soldiers from the Dawnhold, but there are also boggy with your 15 newer corpses, corpses of monks, because what they're doing in the deep is

deadly.

They're creating monstrosities, and certainly some of them are being killed by them.

So, yeah, these old bones are getting mixed in with the brand new bones.

Yeah, somebody's got to sort these bones.

This is not going to work for our ossuary at all.

I think Wellie is feeling a bit of covetousness in her heart, and she wants to just do a sly look to see if there are any sunburst cloak clasps.

Oh, oh, but it's a sly look.

She doesn't want anyone to catch her.

Okay.

So, Willie, are you doing something on the sly?

Give me a sleight of hand check.

Oh, she's got a cat.

There's no way Willie could keep a straight face during this.

I'm just really talking to Boggy about the bones.

All right, I'm just going to start putting, I'm going to start putting the new bones over here.

Yes, that's good.

The old bones over here.

How many guys you think we got here?

I'm going to say 12 guys.

I'm going to say 12 guys here.

While they have this conversation,

noiselessly, my eyes flick.

My normally loud, squelchy eyes flip.

Oh, noiselessly.

Look at this.

Under here, under this canvas side.

Oh, geez.

Oh, there's at least 13 skulls.

There's another half a guy here.

Wow.

So as they survey and organize the bones into old and new piles.

See, here's the crazy thing is, this phalange fits this metatorso, but this is a new phalange, and this is an old metatorso.

It's just funny how that works out.

Are you guys noticing any differences in how bones have evolved, possibly due to nutritional changes?

That's really interesting.

Oh, would you look at that?

Yeah, these people do not have access to milk.

Yeah, I think these ones, these older ones, were certainly drinking bog water.

I'll know you that much.

As you guys crawl through the bones like archaeologists.

Does a body bad?

Indiana bones, am I right?

Wellie,

what are you looking for in this pile?

I'll say with your, you crit, right?

Well, technically the crit was to

look slyly.

Yeah, but I'll say with your, with your casual glances and with your sly, devilish eyes, it's littered with weapons that belonged to, that belonged to fighters from the Dawnholds.

So, you know, they have clasps, they have sword hilts, scabbards with this sigil on them.

Yeah.

Yeah, there's helms.

I think that Welly is feeling

possibly she's transferred her crush from Genevere onto Princess Lennar.

And so she's like wanting

more unattainable

to deck herself out with sunburst sigilry.

I was trying to attract a dead princess.

Oh my gosh.

Just to be close to her.

Jesus.

Zedric can't comment on this because he's too deep in the bones with Boggy.

Hey, Zedric, heads up.

Boggy lobs a skull at Zedric.

I want to be like adorned, like someone who just went to a sports game for the first time and decided they like a team and bought everything.

You bought a band t-shirt.

Yeah.

I went to the bush table and I said one of everybody.

You did this slyly, but we're just going to be able to see that you're just covered in old gear.

Have you always had that class?

Something seems different about you, Willie.

See, whereas you had one type of armor before, now you have tons of sunburst armor that is very rusty and old.

I think I won't swap out anything that's bad, but I was looking for a cloak clasp that was like a sunburst sigil and just like any other

sunburst gear.

So as you cast your glance over the pile, as Zudrick and Boggy are inches from the bones that they're inspecting, you see one errant clasp, which is the rippling sunburst, has fallen off of a tattered cloak.

And there is also a sword scabbard that has, you know, it'll buckle around your waist and it has a sunburst on the scabbard.

Okay.

I palm them both

and then put them on.

Wow, I didn't even hear.

When did you get those?

I didn't even hear you look around.

Normally your eyes eyes are so loud.

Yeah, Baggy and Cedric, give me perception checks to see if you notice.

I got a 13.

Oh, 13, too.

Can I try to roll a deception check?

Did you?

Yeah.

Actually, oh, I only got a nine.

Did you get a haircut?

Try to roll a deception check to make them.

Yeah, you can roll it a post.

Just get a gaslight us.

Okay, I actually also rolled a 13.

Cedric notices, you can elect if you say anything or not.

Okay, I think I just think something's a little different, but I can't tell what.

Did you change your diet at all in the last like yeah, I've started drinking bog water.

Wow.

Yes.

It does has a waxiness to the skin.

Also bog deer.

Right, yes.

Oh, that makes sense.

Does it agree with my complexion?

Perhaps we're all getting sick.

Okay.

The sallowness allows you to blend in better with the white plants of the bog.

All right, so why don't we take these robes with us and if we get cornered, we can real quick get...

Or I guess just why don't you guys pop them on yeah pop them on okay i'm gonna do just a quick look to make sure there's not like uh something that's oozed from a wound that's going to then infect me smart oh okay you can make that investigation check uh with advantage um i'm also gonna grab just a bony hand from the pile and stash it just in case i want to prank someone or try and scare them later okay uh you take some bones that's hilarious 11 to make sure that there's nothing that's going to infect us on these cloaks they they look i wouldn't say sanitary but there's not any new infections on there.

Except for the strip.

Oh, right.

Oh, that's right, actually, yes.

One of you is going to have to be victus.

And we can't even wash them in the water because it's filled with piranhas.

Yeah.

Well,

okay.

Well,

I think they won't notice a little blood.

They're up to pretty unsavory business down there.

All right, so throw on the ropes.

Okay, and then if we get caught, then you guys say that

you caught me and made me drink the thing, and I'll just act kind of groggy.

Okay.

Well, what I'll do is I'm just going to roll up just a giant blunt of bog leaf and I'm going to smoke that real quick so that I can get my voice nice and scratchy to mimic Victus.

Nice.

There we go.

How's that sound?

Give me a constitution save.

Don't get too high.

It just gives you a buzz.

14.

Okay.

You're pretty high and you wonder if it was just like weird how much you looked through the bones, but then you are like...

You know what?

No, Cedric did it too.

It's okay.

It's okay.

We spent spent an insane amount of time on the bones.

They're fascinating.

Shall we start walking in the direction that we're supposed to take?

Yes, yes.

All right.

Sure.

I start walking in that direction,

stabbing into the darkness.

Very good.

Knowing that anyone I meet is a foe.

All right, so you head over towards the dark doorway that Marvis got your drinks from.

As you approach, you see a rusted iron gate that has been cast off to the side, and the tall doorway is an entrance to a primitive lift.

It's a small cell constructed of hard wood and braced with iron, with two hefty ropes threaded through the floor and ceiling against the right wall.

See, this is where he could have made his elevator pitch.

Yeah.

That's hilarious.

That's just, yeah, that's just clever.

Yeah.

Yeah.

He's high.

Okay.

This is a great way, great way to trap us and to kill us.

Yeah.

Oh, I mean, I guess stab at it.

Just

a quick stab, stab into the floor of it.

It's hard wood.

Your lance goes into it a little bit,

but doesn't break through.

Should we ride the elevator down, but on the top of it?

Ah, that's interesting.

So that we aren't arriving.

It's just down there.

Yeah.

And then we could just break their elevator because we don't care.

It's not our elevator.

Yeah.

Okay, great.

Well, first things first, is there like a little wheel or something that we can start to like...

Like, how does this, how does it go down?

Let's look for contraptions.

It would appear that it's on some kind of pulley system.

Like, you would have to heave on these ropes to winch yourselves down.

Oh, okay.

I think we could just ride down it then, because then we could just.

We'll have control of it.

We can just.

Perhaps one of us should shimmy up to get the element of surprise.

That's interesting.

Perhaps you, since you're not in a cloak.

I think I still like the idea of us arriving on top of the elevator because they'll think, what?

The elevator's here?

But it's empty.

That's actually great.

I like that stuff.

Very smart.

I love that type of stuff.

I don't know what I was thinking.

Taking the elevator like a regular person.

I should be paranoid.

Thank you, Willie, for reminding me.

Great.

You're welcome.

I dust off my sunburst

quest.

I guess I start to lower the elevator, then climb out of the elevator,

then climb on top of it.

Yeah.

Okay.

So the only thing is this elevator, the ceiling of this elevator is made of solid stone.

All right, let me try to describe what I'm doing.

So I go in the elevator, right?

Okay.

I start to get it like halfway down.

Yeah.

So that I can still see the shaft that we came from.

Oh, I see.

And then I worm out of it.

Then you're going to worm out.

Sort of terrifying fashion where if it fell, I would break in half.

Yeah.

And then we get on top of it.

Okay.

Into the elevator shaft.

So much clanking.

Just going through the shaft.

So Zudrick's plan of half lowering the elevator so we can crawl out and everybody can ride on top.

Go ahead and give me a strength check to start lowering the elevator.

Great.

I will give you the help action.

Appreciate you.

10.

I rolled bad.

A 10 just does it.

The lift starts to lower and you pull on these ropes.

You can lower it halfway.

Great.

And you can crawl out.

I slide out and then get back on.

Oh, can we?

Have a moment for a short rest so I can get some of my launches back.

Oh, that'd be great.

Yeah.

I would really like a short rest, even though I've already used all my hips.

I start panting as I really struggle to get the elevator moving.

Okay, so you guys relax against the walls of the elevator as Victus and Marvis' nude bodies rot in the center of the hall.

No undergarments.

Strange.

And Zudrick, you've prepared this elevator so you guys can ride along the top.

Great.

Aw.

All right.

So you guys pile.

back onto the top and you'll give me another strength check as you lower the elevator.

All right.

I will give you the help action again.

All right, that time I got an 18.

So Zudrick, you heave on these thick ropes, the fraying fibers biting into your palms.

The descent is longer than expected, and you begin to sweat despite the increasingly cold and damp air.

The walls glide past you, streaked with grime and smelling of corroded metal.

Finally, a jarring crunch as the lift finds solid ground below.

More bones.

And you guys are above the

lift now.

Wait, we're like trapped in a dark shaft now.

I thought there would be like layers

to be able to get out, but now we are just

stone beneath your feet.

Do we have to go all the way back?

Okay, well, wait, well, wait.

Maybe we could draw somebody.

Maybe we could trick somebody and we could trap them in it and then we can pull them up.

Bats are really clever.

Okay, I'm going to start playing my Karen now.

This is a great trap.

And I'm hanging onto the rope, ready to lug no one up as soon as they get in.

If you can't trip, you try.

All right.

Barky, help me with this.

She's going to play her clarinet.

As soon as we lure someone, we're just going to yank them up and we're going to ask them what's going on.

What song is this?

It's how to trip a bird.

Play it on the clarinet.

I could probably whip you up a clarinet version.

Oh, here's what I'll do too.

Okay, so I'm going to lift it up a little bit, and then I'm going to let go and really let the elevator bang down.

Like a haunted elevator.

Bang.

We add in a little ghostly wailing.

Well, we want them to come to us.

Like it's a haunted.

As you guys play music, jostle the elevator, and call out,

it's fucked.

You hear a deep groan, and suddenly the floor beneath you moves into motion.

It rumbles and it begins to lower.

This was a crushing elevator trap which you guys avoided

by not being in the elevator.

Wait, so the ceiling was gonna come down on us?

The ceiling was gonna come down on you guys.

Wow.

But instead, it is just lowering slowly.

Yes, sir.

Not today, Ender, my friend.

And I was at first I was like, maybe we'll split up and that would be...

Wow.

Good God.

Unique invention, huh?

my boy Dandio Candles.

If he could only get his hands on this thing, what a unique contraption.

How did Dandio Candles get it?

Ah, he was an accomplished tinker.

He was beaten with the mallets of his trade.

Jeez.

Wow.

Yes.

Wow.

It took a long time.

Really?

Yes.

What did he tinker?

Well, he was a peat carver by trade, but also he would prepare many ingenious inventions for us.

These countertrops I carry are from him.

I would think that a peat carver's instruments would be quite soft and suggestible.

That's why it took so long.

Yeah, it was a little stand now.

Sometimes the peat is rather thick and you need a mallet to really kind of chisel it out.

Yeah, so just you actually can like stab someone to death with a spoon.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is that true?

I've seen it happen.

Yeah.

You've seen it happen, but never done it yourself.

No, I've done it.

I've seen it and I've done it.

Yes.

Just one stab or multiple stabs?

Oh, it takes a couple.

Oh, it takes a few.

Do you have feelings about spoons now?

Cedric shrugs.

You're very resilient, Cedric.

Cedric nods and starts walking down the dark hallway.

Yeah, is there a hallway now that we guys have this conversation as the stone, that's a heavy stone roof lowers and lowers, finally grinding to the ground with a deep crack.

And fuck you guys, I'm going to make you roll athletics checks just to see if you roll your ankles as it hits the ground.

10.

10.

16.

Fine.

You shake a little bit, but you're good.

I like that we escaped the trap by trying to use it to trap someone else.

Standing before you is a towering stone door.

This was going to be what you guys would have to break out before

the roof collapsed.

Now we just don't have a timer.

And also, behind you, there is a dark earthen hallway.

So there are two doors here, the stone door ahead of you and the open earthen.

Oh, earthen, earthen just screams, monster.

I take out my hairpin and get to work picking the lock.

Willie, just so we have to get through this, no problem.

Oh, yeah, like butter to her.

Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna face the earthen hole and make sure nothing's coming from there, just sort of stabbing into it.

And meanwhile, Willie, go ahead and crack that, yeah, crack that bad boy.

Okay, yes, I'll keep making ghost noises to scare people.

Oh,

17 oh no 19 yeah

19 you push your is it your hairpin yeah i'm i'm my uh halo braid is starting to fall out because i'm using my hair pins

you violently scrape your hairpin against this stone uh with a 19 you feel it budge but it does not move completely

Well, I've got one more shoulder to give.

All right, go ahead, Boggy.

I guess I'll try and ram it.

Yep, go for it.

Yeah, I'll help.

I'll ram it as well.

Ooh, actually, yeah, that's a 13.

A 13.

You dislocate your shoulder yet again.

All right, I'm going to dropkick it.

I'll just run at it.

I got a one.

I dislocated my shoulder by drop kicking.

Insane.

Dislocate your shoulder on the floor.

What if I, amidst all this, use my tactical mind to apply the D10?

Use another second win to apply a a D10 to the lock pick.

Great.

That's eight.

So it becomes a 27.

There you go.

You actually create a little wedge with your hair pin and it bends but does not break.

And you get the stone to budge.

You guys can all get your fingers around the gap and roll the stone to the side.

Very good.

One, two, three.

Ah!

A shoulder.

Yes.

Oh, I'm fine.

It's great.

Everything's fine.

Okay, so you guys are going out the front elevator door.

Cedric, would you like to send your crows ahead?

I fear for them at this point.

I thought briefly of sending them down the elevator, and they may have gotten crushed.

So I would not risk Tabitha

and the others.

Okay.

I bump heads with my birds and hold them for a really awkwardly long time as we all put our heads together.

This is spiritual.

Wow.

And then I look up up and I go, I think let's just walk ourselves.

Okay.

Right.

We have two options ahead of us now.

Would you like me to try and sneak down the earthen passageway to catch a glimpse of what's there?

We could do that again.

Just kind of screaming monster to me.

It is.

It is.

Okay, let's go through this door that we picked.

Yeah, I think the door, the door is the way.

Okay.

We're gonna stealth, though.

Yes.

Okay, as you gingerly step out of the lift, you peer down a wide corridor.

It is eerily quiet.

You see a long stone passageway lit by flickering torches and a series of barred doors on both sides.

Slumped in the passageway are the bodies of several scared ones laying in pools of dark blood.

The fist of a severed arm clenches and unclenches reflexively.

The wrought iron bars on one room have been bent and twisted.

Oh, someone escaped.

Are these dungeons?

I think these are dungeons.

We're not on the side of Victus and those type of guys, so whoever he would lock up are on our side.

Yes.

I agree.

Yeah.

Unless they've been infected with black lace in our lab.

True.

Totally true.

Yes.

As you say that, you hear a loud crash.

Dust rains from the stone hallway above.

A rumble.

Then flying from the bent and open dungeon door, the gored body of another monk.

Then you see, trampling it, is a giant angry beast.

Sensing you, it turns with a shuddering snort.

A colossal boar lumbers into view, its flanks slick with sweat, its massive tusks gleaming with blood.

Its eyes are not black, but wild with fear.

Oh, it lowers its head, regular boar, regular boar, and it charges at you.

Wait, come on, Chris, come on!

Wait, you're regular!

Wait, wait, wait, regular!

That's where we'll end our session.

Wait!

Wait, we're regular.

Normally, we do hunt stuff and eat animals, but in this context, I want to be friends.

Cedric, this is your chance.

Use your animal handling.

I defer my turn to Zedrak.

I get gored.

Squawk at it.

Good lord.

Chuck a rock at it, dude.

Hell yeah.

Oh, man.

So much fun.

We'll talk about this more over on our Patreon, patreon.com/slash nadbob.

That's killing D-P-O-D, as we're about to be gored by a regular ass boar.

Or nor

gored by a boar.

Check that out.

In the meantime, does anyone have anything they'd like to plug?

We've got Dimension 20 live shows.

Be on the lookout for them.

We're going to be in Seattle.

We're going to be at the Hollywood Bowl and we're going to be in Las Vegas.

We're going to be in Hollywood Bowl in June.

We're going to be in Seattle in July.

And we are going to be at the MGM in November in Las Vegas.

So be on the lookout for that.

Three great destinations.

Oh, yeah.

I'll go and plug Lorelei on the laser eyes again because I'm playing it now.

It's really great.

I love it.

I love puzzles.

My puzzler is sore.

Grinch reference.

And with that,

we'll go ahead and wrap this one up.

Thank you all so much for listening.

You can follow us on social media that it may or may not use at CHVSME, at ColdSCaldwell, at HVSEmily.

Stop.

And at Chief Versus Jake, and you could talk about the show using hashtag NADPO.

That's NADD POD.

We are, we are.

Youth of the nation.

We are, we are.

How to trim.

So stupid.

Really good.

It's the end of the show, which means we need to shout out our benevolent council of elders.

Let's get right to it.

Brad D, Jeffrey S., Lord of the Fjord, Later McSkater, Matt M, Cutter W, Jeff C, Daniel G, Danielle the Dastardly Dame, Carpe Liam, Victor T, aka Balnor's Boy, Hoyt's friend, Justin I, Danny Danster, TJ M,

Trele the Cray, Christopher B., Damiel R., Jordan L., Cyborg version of Josh the Kobold, Tar Got, Stevie Wags, Hellish Rebuker, the NBDMPHD,

Princess Yar,

Jory S., Jack L, Nicholas C, star of every film ever made in Bohumia, Mike H., Elka Elka Smiltzer Plus.

Great Value Jimma.

Tyler F.

Hurradrian.

Carborough Chapel Hill FPV.

Cece Lulu.

Old Cobb's Dunkle Older Burn.

Hekio Poirot, Zerabbat Folk Detective.

Timmy R.

Reiko.

Daddy Master Jake Hurwitz.

Jake's Jerk Jelly.

Hashtag CCC.

Taylor B.

Maybe the real treasure was the friends we made along the way.

I've been saying this.

I've always been saying this.

Cass, Strong Grinch.

Steven, shout out to Boy the Troll, C.

Mike K, Nick W.

William W.

Big Bad Beardo the Mad.

Ananarama.

Percival Fredrikstein von Mussel Klasowski de Rolo III.

Jay Dragonborn, Guardian of the Vibe, honoring the cock.

Manes Hegemony, Ben A.

Dave H.

Dustin S.

Not That Nick.

Danny F.

Hawkeye Pierce.

Book Varse Assistant Izzy F.

Big Bad John.

DPC is awesome.

Hashtag honor the cock.

Shown the shade tree mechanic of Zebel Dar.

Summer Rose, aka Grantaire.

Mark, the Dark Lord's Taint.

Well, Cat C, Misa of House in Tsunza.

Ariel, the occasional mermaid, Selena N, aka Valacey Raptor, B.

Perky Always, Pat L, Maxwell J, Lauren H, Serve 16, Annie the Fay Wild Therapist, Connor S., Salil, BioQuirt 7, Amber Dextrous, Bean Rat was innocent, Drub Hop Dropper,

Jack H, King of the Mole People under Iron Deep, dressed in blue and fighting his way through a bracket-style tournament.

Valen, Paj, the bitch and bunny bard, Carlin C, Noah, the Bullywog Boy, hashtag honor the cock,

James G, Everything Bago, the Eladron who just wants to hang out with his pet badger, Stripey, Reverend Shatterbones, Ha-cha-cha-cha-cha!

Han, Eric B, Marcos, Learns, the Balance Druid, Frida M., Maggie, Holly, the Green, Laughing Hyena, Cow misses the D5s with all her heart.

Aaron B, Russell H., a monk named Dilgo, he asked the whole thing, yes, every time.

Cody C, Lorelei the succubi, and Kira the succulent snock.

McKinna Stout, your friendly neighborhood yaunt and young, Andrew and Sid.

John Adams, we can be done with the presidential puns.

Meg the mail carrier of Bahumia.

James F.

Austin S.

Wayfarer.

Now has to do something with the trolls.

Get rid of them?

Turn to page 42.

Keep them?

Turn to page 69.

Shane C.

Barpo Goodborough, Barbarian.

Garrett G.

AKA One Big Curd.

Renee the Monster Captain.

Olivia the Enchanting Bard and Jared the Soap Opera Cleric who will be auditioning for Callie's acting troop.

Best of luck.

Blue Ash.

Fico.

Garrett the Artificer.

Damon, son of that one merchant, you know, named John, that one.

Valkyrie, the Girt Sea Brother,

Anthony, the raddest of dudes.

J

The fairies have amended all their ways and are volunteering at their local petting zoo.

Yeet!

Cantrip Dumbledore, the bare onesie-wearing barbarian.

Lexi loves the two crew.

Thank you, Lexi.

Roger L, Nodrog, the pacifist barbarian.

Gino T, Janluka, Tristan, the talentless honk, Leon Kumori, legendary hero of Bahumia from a future campaign, Shenanikans O'Connor, Mios the Great, Joshua S.

Alexander, Linz W.

Johnny Dudeke, Pauvu Eskinor, the Goliath Paladin, providing service with a smile, Tim M.

T.R.

MLG Cheeto,

Shell B, Kenna's first favorite sprite girl.

No jokes today, just excited Emily's gonna be on Gastronauts, cool.

Snailus, who's infecting Worcester for within, Papa Scades,

Mima Scades, Megan N., Anthony B, Savannah H, Balor's best friend, Steve, Stephanie of House in Zunza, Benjamin A, Kimley the Corgi, Papa and Foster's canine friend, Mikel A.

Josh Hole, pilot of the Nightmare-verse flight, the two crew, Blue Through, Jennery,

Ethan the Mailman, Maple the Shy Bookworm, Ashosaurus, Billy Batson, Tori the tungsten dragoose, accidental sharer of recipes, Michael L.S.

II, Dex Riddlewell, Hannah A.

Ace Dregs, High Lord of Critzburg,

Darius D, the guy from That One Thing.

Thin diagram.

Cadmilius, the consumed.

A gun, banjo boy of the flatlands with two working kidneys.

Wow, good for you.

Bard of Holding, Clinton P.

Grinch Falcam, the Grinch Frogman.

Dean, Jake W.

Hi Mom, Tuesday Cross, the choose your own adventure writer, not the porn star.

Steve L.

Tyler M.

Alex G, Zibinabakeri, Nicole, Kaylee of the Order of the Oaken Ore, Lady Jacqueline P.

of Castle Whitestone, Greg W wants the D20 truck nuts that Jake thought up, Baruch Thunderhelm, fifth generation Minotaur working as an abandoned labyrinth tour guide, literally Satan, whoa, Chupacabri, Boney is dead, Cohen P, the Duke of Silk's missing son.

We're coming for you.

The Waterworth, Nick, and Amy.

Whoo, okay, that is all of our elders.

Thank you so, so much, everybody, for your support.

It means the world to us.

If you would like to join this illustrious council, you can do so by going to patreon.com/slash nadpod.

That's going to do it for us today, but we will have another episode coming at you next week.

We'll see you then.

Thanks for listening.

Bye-bye.

That was a hit gum podcast.