67: Denver Dumb Friend’s League with Katie Nolan | Soder Podcast | EP 65

Alabama.

I've never done shows in Alabama.

Well, guess what?

That's about to change.

February 20th through the 22nd, I will be in Huntsville, Alabama at Levity Live for five shows.

Grand Rapids, Michigan, I will see you March 8th.

I'll be headlining a show for Gilda's Fest.

One show.

Come on out.

California.

It's such a, I don't have a singing voice.

I have a voice for stand-up.

And thank God that's what I'm doing in California.

February 28th, I will be at the Balboa Theater in San Diego.

March 1st, I will be at the United Theater in Los Angeles.

And then March 2nd, that's a Sunday, I will be at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco.

All those tickets are available.

Danshoder.com.

Go get them right now.

When we got robbed in Tucson.

and Amir moved out.

He just left the furniture.

Pimp, you want me to stop moving?

That's probably what he's trying to do and I'm moving too much.

No, you're fine.

He left the furniture

and then called me and was like, you got to pay me for that furniture.

No.

And you're like, that is.

That's so bold.

What I would give to live a day with that type of

where I didn't stay up at night wondering and worrying if I just was like, and now I'm going to call him and tell him to pay me for it.

And he's blown away that I don't answer any of his messages on Instagram.

That's so funny.

Or like texts.

You're like, yeah, you're a horrible friend.

Yeah.

He just left stuff.

It's funny because you answer everyone's messages.

Everyone's texts.

So he doesn't even know what a big deal this is.

It's not a big deal.

And then my other friend from college is like, do you ever talk to him?

I'm like, no, I have zero interest in talking to him.

The guy left.

fake leather furniture when I had no money and was like, yeah, you're going to give me like the squeaky kind?

Yes.

That's fair.

To the point that it was in front of an air conditioner and it just the arm crusted over because it was fake leather.

And then he's like, Yeah, you want to give me like $400 for that?

$400 love seat, or was it like a sectional?

It was a love seat and a three,

uh, like a regular couch and a love seat.

Wow, it was exactly right, by the way.

Both fake leather and oh, and the Panther coffee table, which did roll.

Panther

Rumble.

We went to a high school football game.

That was one of the cheers.

We're obsessed with it.

We did a Christmas episode on the drive back.

Right.

And then agreed.

It wasn't hitting.

I was driving.

I've never done a podcast while driving.

The last time we did it when we got trapped in Nebraska, I was passenger princess, as I should always be.

By the way, she's a wonderful passenger princess.

It's so funny whenever I'm with you.

I know this is a common thing on the internet, so I'm not reinventing the wheel here, but like, I really am like, no idea where I am.

I just follow him.

I like, we'll be in, like, walking through New York.

We'll be taking a subway.

And I'm like a lady who's never taken the subway before, though I take it by myself all the time.

With you, I'm like, he's got it.

I don't have to turn the brain off.

So the last time we did the podcast, I was able to really like, you know, look at a document I had on my phone and help keep us on topic.

And then I was passenger princess this time on the way back.

So we were.

And I was getting nervous about her driving.

Which is crazy because I'm a good driver.

You are, but we were going through construction zones and I was just kind of like sexism.

Misogyny.

Look it right in its face, folks.

She's clearly not the best driver if I'm locking locking up like the Ohio State, the lady that had to drive the golf cart with Ryan Day and like a couple of the players, and she like smashed it into a wall.

It's very funny.

No way.

Just bringing it up while we were getting

lady driver.

Not all.

You're making me scared.

So stupid.

You drive like a maniac.

You drive like a maniac.

I guess.

Remember that time we were in a fight, so we weren't like addressing that the cart was in a little bit of tension, and all of a sudden we got off of the highway highway we were supposed to be on and we were on a road that didn't have highway speed limits but dan was mad didn't want to talk about it and i couldn't correct him because we were already in a tense situation and so he was just going highway speed limit on like a one lane like road in the dark with no lights and he was like it's crazy how this road is handling and i was like it might be because you're going 30 miles per hour over the speed limit and that's man driving prove your point The point was she will crumble and apologize if you drive fast and furious.

No, that was uh, by the way, the ending of that story.

I'm not an asshole.

The ending of the story is, I was like, I'm, I'm pretty mad.

This is pretty dangerous.

And you were like, Yeah, we could, we're here, so they know we got out of it.

Yeah, but sometimes people think you're just a psycho when you just cut the story out.

And then he was driving fast through a construction zone.

And I was screaming for help, and nobody helped.

But like, I didn't have the realization where I went, I'm pretty upset right now.

I should probably slow down because we're not on the highway.

But that was also a moment where

I'm a big proponent of driving late at night to avoid traffic, but that was a situation where we were coming back from Boston and we didn't realize when you're driving home late at night, sometimes they close the expressway.

They're like, no one needs this.

We'll close all these exits and then this whole swath of the highway.

What would you estimate?

How many times have you driven from Boston to New York?

I couldn't.

Because you went to college at Hofstra.

How many times

over 100?

And you never took the route we took.

Never.

I was like, I don't even know what road we're on.

I've never seen this.

It was like an enemy crawled into my GPS and was like, go this way.

Wild.

And then we got into a fight.

We got into like two little arguments about it.

It was, it was quite a scene.

So this road.

You know what I love about you, if I may, is we always like figure, like, we don't leave that car.

We're not like, we didn't go the rest of that car ride fighting.

We got it out eventually.

Something silly happened, and we were like, You make a joke.

One of us makes a joke about how unrational we are.

Yeah.

And then the other one.

I think it's irrational.

I'm sorry.

I just wanted to help you out.

She does this.

And so when the by the way, it looks good.

Oh, thank you.

Good, good hair.

Don't try to get out of this moment.

So the Christmas at the same time.

I make up words.

Broughton has been a big one over the years.

God, it kills me every time.

And I'm trying not to correct him because I'm like, what an annoying one?

That would make her a cold, meaning.

What an annoying thing.

But also, you speak for a living, and I don't want you to say it on stage and then go, why'd you never tell me that it's not unrational?

It's irrational.

What?

Babe.

And I'd be like, you're right, babe.

And we don't even call each other babe.

So that would be weird.

I'd be like, why are you saying that?

Point was, we did this on Christmas, it didn't work.

We were just like halfway through, and I was like, this isn't feeling right.

We have the audio.

You can listen.

There's some fucking dimes in there.

There are.

But there is no.

I don't want to let the dimes go, unfortunately.

It's the hard part about the biz where you go, like,

it's probably the best that'll ever happen.

But one that I will fight for, because it's a story I do want to retell.

Let's hear it.

Was at one point in the

driving podcast,

we were talking about time zones and I said...

Wait, wait.

Go ahead, sorry.

I was going to say you should start at the beginning of what happened.

Well, I'll tell the story, but I'll just say beginning the mistake I made on the podcast that I will force to make again in order to see how fucking stupid and funny it was.

But we were talking about time zones and I confidently went, well, Trump's going to get rid of those when he gets in the Oval Office.

Because what I meant was daylight savings time.

And Katie was like, you think he's getting rid of time zones?

So for the rest of the episode, we're like, well, time zones won't matter when Donald Trump's back in office.

So I just want to let you know that was the thing you missed out of the one recording that I would say was the one salvageable part was me going,

you realize the way you just looked like, and I said what?

Was like, I said what man?

No.

Well,

it's kind of topical.

The reason we were talking about time zones, interesting about South Bend, Indiana, where notre dame is located and i just want to say to camera oh to this to this one of the sweetest boys in the world shane gillis i'm sorry your fighting irish lost to the buckeyes of ohio state katie and i were both cheering for the fighting irish when they were down 16 we really thought there was going to be a point but south bend needed that win they really did we drove through it recently so we were coming from tough we've been through columbus and south bend in the last six months true south bend needed that more than columbus needed that we also it was a very we were devastated in south bend we were leaving chicago to drive from chicago to new york no we were stopped was this where we were stopping at the bennings or we'd already done that oh no you're right straight through sorry chicago to new york and we were like if we leave at such and such time we can we'll hit a mcdonald's breakfast on the way out that was kind of the the when you go on a long road trip when you you know we do this is the second year we've done this, but we're getting really good.

We've also done some other road trips that are very long, and we're getting really good at finding ways to treat ourselves so that the

long drive isn't as bad.

We'll get to Bennington's, we got to talk about that.

But what we did is we woke up at Kevin and Julie's,

Katie's brother, and

sister-in-law, and shout out Charlotte, puppy.

We were

about, we're like, it's the end of the road trip.

We had driven from New York.

Do you want to go?

Go ahead.

Oh.

Bye.

We'll miss you.

She'll be back.

Some emotional support, dog.

Yeah, fucking way to give up on me.

I really needed you here.

And I know what you're smelling.

She has a bone.

She can't eat it because she eats it with her hands.

Oh, now you want to come back?

We'll talk about, we're going to talk about you, you frisky little bitch.

We're jumping all over the place.

No, just let me sell.

I'll do it very quickly.

We were going from Chicago.

We stopped.

We were going to get McDonald's breakfast.

We skipped the one, I feel like in Gary, Indiana, we wanted to like get on the road a little before we hit a McDonald's.

And that was our treat.

That was our treat for like, we're going to drive 13 and a half hours.

Right.

We like hadn't gotten a coffee.

We were like, let's just get on the road so that we don't stop.

Then we'll get the food.

It's going to be great.

We had it planned perfectly.

We had it.

It was like half an hour away.

It was like weirdly far away, the closest McDonald's, but we were like, look at the clock.

We'll get there exactly on time.

It'll get there with like 15 minutes to spare on McDonald's breakfast.

1030 is usually when they stop selling breakfast until we're gonna get our 1019

was palpable we are about to get off at south bend and all of a sudden dan looks at the clock and he goes the time just changed we just crossed over motherfuckers jumped from the central time zone to east coast so we lost an hour it was now 11 15 it was 11 15 which means breakfast was over 45 minutes ago and we were like

what it was just one of those moments we were like what what pure defeat there was there that was the only energy that was in the car was pure defeat there was

mummering there was murmurs yes there was murmuring absolute mummering and there was steering sons

there was murmford and sons and there was

this ride had everything

steering wheel punching volume blasting

So then we're like, fuck it.

We're still getting McDonald's.

And it was awful.

It was awful.

Sorry, South Bend.

It was so bad that a guy who worked at McDonald's, who was standing outside having a smoke break when Dan had to go back inside with the McDonald's to be like, you forgot our fries, when he was walking back in, that guy goes, they fuck up your order.

Dan was like, oh my God.

He did it in an old black cool guy way too, where he goes,

what they fuck up.

And I go, the fries?

He goes, yeah, they did.

That guy was overworking there.

Yeah.

And I just felt like, imagine a college town

that is right on the, whatever that's called, the timeline, the time zone line, like is wild to me.

When you're in your age where you're like not planning for anything you have to do, it was right outside of South Bend.

Another thing.

Why don't you legally have to say on the highway?

You're entering a time zone.

Right, because now that we are, let me make it sound so much cooler.

You're in the time zone.

Welcome to the time zone.

Everything stops.

But now that we're...

We're going faster.

It's 11.

Now that we drive such long distances,

I've started to notice things on the highway that are like, oh, that's for people who are driving all the time.

And like, you would think they'd go, hey, y'all, it's 11 o'clock now.

Like, just something on the highway.

One of those many things they let you know, like that stupid sign we kept seeing for whatever state that was, whose slogan was like, jingle bells, Batman smells, buckle up or you're going to die, or something like that.

And we were like, what?

Why do they keep showing us this motherfucking

Iowa?

Yeah.

Use the same joke on every highway sign.

You know, the ones that hang over the road that are like.

It was the annoyance of

that's what she said.

It was like, if a state kept doing, that's what she said.

And it was jingle bells, Batman smells, buckle up or die.

Something like that.

We may be paraphrasing, but it's close.

It's closer than you think.

You read it the first time and you go, that's fun.

16th time, you're like, get writers.

Do something.

If you're going to show, who wanted to show me this this many times?

Yeah, it's not that good.

This was one meeting?

You had one meeting about this?

There was,

but as far as street signs go, our second time across the country, we did notice when going through Nebraska that they're like,

they're like, hey, if these lights are on,

it's a yellow sign with flashing lights and it says if these lights are on, the highway is closed up ahead.

Prepare to exit.

Prepare to exit.

And I missed that completely.

Last year, we did not see that until now that we were snowed in in Big Springs, Nebraska.

Now we've noticed it.

And we looked at each other and we were like, I bet those lights were flashing last year.

It's kind of like.

We didn't notice at all.

You kind of take a little bit of the blame.

You go, that might have been on me.

It was on us.

It might have been on us.

This time we drove through Big Springs, Nebraska.

Didn't stop.

Had to stop.

Both of us had to pee and we needed gas.

Refused to stop in Big Springs, Ohio.

We're not getting caught there again.

Not going to happen.

You're flying T, truck stop.

It's great.

Whatever.

Jay, I think.

Flying Jay.

Whatever.

Who gives a shit?

We won't be stopping there.

Road dog.

Road dog.

Lot lizard.

Yeah, dude.

You little skank.

Don't do anything for meth.

We had a good Christmas trip.

This was like a great Christmas trip.

It was

we were a little nervous about the baby and the dog.

Yeah.

Because Myrtle doesn't have a...

myrtle's weird yeah she's weird she's a pandemic dog with a first-time owner so she's weird she's not right but she's not wrong but a little baby comes in the room and she's like can i give it every kiss i want to give it every kiss and on our way out there katie's parents were in chicago and we stopped with the dog and there's a moment where you go like

all right We're going to let you guys control the dog and the baby.

We're just going to let you, you guys say you got it well because they keep going like let her go because we're holding her by her collar i'm making sure she doesn't bum rush the baby which is i think a good owner where you go listen my dog's a little bit of a spaz i'm here in case she goes for the baby i'll just grab the collar and then she's like

you know and you're like and then there's no harm no foul i'm also not the favorite child my brother is your backup quarter and you're 100 the backup quarter and charlotte is a human baby yeah perhaps the only one our family's gonna see she's the only scion.

Right.

And ours is a dog, a very cute dog, a perfect dog, the light of my personal life.

Yeah.

But I know in a Charlotte versus Myrtle, they will toss Myrtle out to the wolves.

There's a part of us Charlotte.

There's a part of us that would do that.

Right, you have to.

It's the hierarchy of things.

I apologize.

I love all beings equally.

A plant is as good as a human.

But you pull out specie versus specie.

We're taking Charlotte's back.

But so I'm like, if anything were to happen where the dog hurts the baby,

I'm getting out ahead ahead of the fact that Myrtle's not winning that fight by holding Myrtle back from the fight at all.

We're preventing.

It was a preventive measure of our dog is a spaz.

Babies don't know what's going on.

She just started walking within like three months.

She's fresh to gravity.

She's never used these feet.

Brand new feet.

Brand new feet.

And she is, she's got speed on her.

She's got Kevin's speed 100%.

You see those little feet kick, especially on her walker.

She gets moving.

So there became a point where Katie's parents kept going like, no, let Myrtle out.

Let Myrtle have fun.

You guys are too restrictive.

And we went,

we went, all right, let's dance.

We just went, okay, Mike and Cammie, we're going to let this go.

And what happens?

Charlotte comes down the hallway and Myrtle bodies her.

I mean, full go into Charlotte, drops her.

The baby drops.

And when babies drop, they immediately cry.

So it's just like, and we watch it from the kitchen.

And parents, to your credit, are all trained to do that.

Like, you're okay.

You're okay.

Me, I was like, oh,

it was a Tom Jackson on ESPN jacked up.

And Charlotte in the hallway got jacked up.

I mean, Myrtle came.

She,

you know what?

And

I'm not saying it was.

Good that she did this, but I'm saying the form, she ran through the play.

Exactly what she's supposed to do.

She made sure she was what you want.

Explosive off the line.

Explosive.

All I'm saying is Charlotte ain't going to take up the A-gap again if Myrtle's going to be plugging it.

That's all I'm saying.

It's a hard-nosed dog.

So lesson she has to she's learning her ABCs and she's learning not to mess and she's learning that she can't run in between the tackles.

That's right.

You got speed.

You want to get outside.

You're east to west, not north to west.

Quickly learn from your mistakes.

Maybe Charlotte runs downhill when she gets older.

Right.

I just, as of right now,

throw a necrol on Myrtle because she is.

She's stuffed in the back.

She's a fullback.

She's just, we would have, I wish we could have had her mic'd up like NFL films.

And she's like, ah, ah.

And you're like, woo, all day, baby.

All day.

I got nothing to lick.

I got nothing to lick.

But she got fucking rocked.

And then immediately, Katie's parents are like, Myrtle, what are you doing?

And we're like, being a dog who's weird.

Told you this was going to happen.

So after that, it was just, you know, wonderful.

I will say it's been kind of cool watching Myrtle learn, like, okay,

I have to sit when this one comes in the room because she really wants to love on her.

And Charlotte loves the dog.

She does.

It is perfectly, she's our dog.

All she wants is for that little thing to love her back so badly.

That she's going to hurt her.

She's going to overly do it to the point where everyone's like, chill out.

Fuck, I rub off on my dog.

Yeah, that's

our baby wants attention.

Are we shocked by that?

There are points where Katie and I go, it really is a download.

like you really download your personality onto your dog um notice how she's mad that she's not getting the attention she wants so she storms off wonder where she gets that wonder where she gets that from me

um

but the drive out there was good what we were worried about was

this trip my mom's dog died riley died rest in peace riley died

You little gay dog.

He was 16 years old and what a life.

He was gay before they let dogs be gay.

Yeah.

That was always the, you know how you give dogs voices?

For me, it was giving my mom's dog like an old gay man's voice, not like a young twink, but like a,

I was there at Stonewall and I'm going to tell you right now, it was like one of those voices where he's like, honey, it's summer.

I get a summer haircut so I don't sweat as much.

Keep up if you can, sailor.

That was Riley's voice.

So he was our old gay dog and he died.

R.I.P.

We miss him.

We miss him.

So, my mom, in a typical Trish fashion, gave it a day,

gave it like two days, and then just immediately reboots the franchise.

My mom doesn't wait.

My mom doesn't do a period of mourning.

She just went and got a new dog.

I'll say she does a period of trial at the beginning of having a dog as well.

And I'm a new dog owner.

I don't know the ways of this of the world.

I know that I met my baby and I couldn't imagine my life without her.

And I'll cry if anything ever happens to her.

And I'll never be able to replace her.

Trish is like, look, I bring a dog into the house.

If I don't like it after two weeks, taking it back.

It's been that way my whole life.

I understand the phone call I will have to have because of this conversation.

I will get a call from Trish.

And you know what?

10 toes down.

It's how I've been my whole life.

My mom gets a dog.

It's a 10-day contract.

How do you plan?

How are you, do you mesh with the clubhouse?

What is what is, what's the upside on this dog?

Because in my mom's defense, there was a puppy she got when we first got Myrtle.

My mom got before she got William, she had a dog because Oreo, her other dog, died.

My mom has a lot of death of dogs.

Well, we have a lot of dogs.

I think that follows.

Yeah, we have a lot of dogs.

Close your ears.

But my mom had a dog whose like stomach was real fucked up and he had to be put down.

So she got another dog that she didn't realize.

She got a puppy around the same time we got Myrtle.

And this puppy got too big too fast.

And my mom was like, I'm a lady in my 70s.

This dog's going to body me.

And it happened where the dog pulled her one time and hurt her shoulder.

And she was like,

I can't control this dog.

So she gave it to a farmer.

Listen, increased her call.

She was not dumping her dogs off on the side of the road.

I will also don't, I'm helping.

I will also say

it's not,

it's better than people keeping a dog forever and then like they have a baby and they abandon.

She's not abandoning a dog.

She's bringing a dog into her home and then kind of making the right call of like, oh, this isn't going to work.

It is responsible.

And then brings it to somebody else.

She makes sure the dog has a home.

It's just funny to me because I've only ever had one dog and I can't picture bringing a dog in and then being like, get you again?

Get out of my house.

I told Katie the first time Katie goes, your mom returns dogs.

And I was like, yeah.

And then I go through my childhood and I'm like, the amount of instances

of George, there was like a bunch of dogs that we would get.

And my mom would be like, I'm not really feeling that.

I'm just kind of looking for more of a speed back.

And I feel like, so we would get, we would, my mom would take the dogs back to the Denver Dumb Friends League.

Denver Dumb Friends League League.

That's what the pound was called.

That's the name of where they adopt.

It's so funny to call animals dumb friends.

My mom made the joke.

When my parents moved us from Connecticut to Colorado when I was five, and my mom said she was going to go get a dog for our dog, Izzy, to have like a companion.

She's like, I'm going to go.

Do you know how many dogs he's named?

Just

a lot of dogs, dude.

boy and his dogs montana and myrtle are the top two um

my dad when she told my dad that it was the denver dumb friends league he thought she was gonna come like the joke he made he's like i thought she was gonna come back with a little retarded guy like

being like hi

oh it's my denver oh it's just some dumb friends just hanging out

they got a league going they got jerseys they fucking high-five each other ever since he told me that they call it denver dumb friends league we've started calling our dumb friends pet smart yeah They're not dumb, they're pet smart.

Yeah, they're pet smart.

That's the level of intelligence.

But my mom got a new dog, Freckles.

Okay.

And she was, she found Freckles.

So cute.

She's a very cute dog.

Also.

Great backstory.

I mean, horrific backstory.

I meant, like, sorry, in terms of character development, it wasn't great as an experience for the dog, to be clear.

I feel like you said it was great, all the horror, horrific shit she went through.

I think I said she loved it and she should be grateful.

The dog was clearly crate trained or potty trained.

Like it knew not to, so it had at some point a home or been trained, but it was found on like a, I'm going to get the type of blue collar work wrong, but like an oil rig or something in Arizona.

Yes, in New Mexico.

The dog would like come up to the people that worked there and they would like feed the dog or whatever.

And eventually they were like, this is a problem.

We've got to get this dog a home.

They just kept coming back.

Freckles just kept coming back.

And the oil workers were

feeding her like their lunch or whatever.

So they took her to a shelter that.

A dumb friends league, if you will, a local group of dumb friends.

Well, I'll tell you right now, these dumb friends, they like to kill each other because it was a kill shelter.

That's right.

That's and so they reached out and they said, like, we got this dog in New Mexico.

My mom liked the way that, you know, she thought Freckles was cute.

So they sent her up.

This dog is so fucking sweet.

It might be the sweetest dog I've ever met in my life.

Myrtle was to me the most like lovey dovey like sweet little baby dog this until i met freckles this dog

wanted to touch you and and mush into you and like give you her belly to be rubbed constantly yeah in a way that i could see annoying other people it did not annoy me yeah katie loved it so sweet katie loved it she was so get up on the couch and freckles would just right be up there just putting her head on her or whatever and i was we were worried so we were worried because myrtle is an only child she's an only dog she's a pandemic dog she's weird she's out here city girl city girl out here just absolutely rocking babies yeah anytime they're stepping up to her and we were like i hope there isn't a weird thing with my mom's new dog and myrtle and we got there they sniffed some butts sniffed sniffed puss and then uh and then started growling there was some growling there was some awkwardness the first day

yeah then

fast friends fast friends got along like gangbusters wrestled non-stop humped myrtle got her humps in

and this is what i was going to bring up myrtle learned about cow cheekbones so myrtle's tooth broke like a year ago we stopped giving her like toys to chew on because

uh the vet told us that dog toys are too firm now so when dogs they're too hard so dogs bite them and their teeth break that's what happened to myrtle so we had to have her tooth pulled and so then we were just kind of like giving her so by the way do you guys know that like vets don't do you have to get like a vet dentist?

There's like vet dentists.

I was like, what?

It's a just do.

I thought it was a one-stop shop.

It's a dog, and these are the teeth of the dog.

They go, no,

I can get you in with my vet.

I need a referral.

Can I go to my, your vet?

That's what happened.

Yeah.

I need like a.

Our vet was like, no, but there's one by you that'll do tooth surgery.

So we got, we had, and it's cost a lot and it was, uh, it sucked.

And so we just kind of avoided giving her firm treats.

We go to my mom's house.

They're in Colorado.

They got these giant cheekbone bones.

They look like bones, but it's just a cheek rolled up on itself.

Yeah, cheek of a cow.

It's like hide.

People know exactly what we're talking about.

If you're a dog owner,

we're being city hicks about this.

It's like hard-binned, but when you eat it and it gets wet, it like softens.

And so she's like, you know, go into town on that.

And boy, did she like it.

So Myrtle just grabs it.

She just grabs Freckles' bone and starts eating it.

And there is blood everywhere.

Yeah, because she hasn't chewed.

She hasn't chewed anything so her gums just bled yeah and we're like this might be a problem like when dan flosses

it's about that time of year isn't it

i don't have a retort because she's not wrong um i can't i mean nobody floss i go it's just lots of blood like this why don't do this because all the blood it's like well technically

i put liserine in it i go it burns

um but myrtle loved the cowhide bone with the blood and all yeah and it became her thing that now we can't let her do it because she holds it with her arms.

Okay, can dog owners help us with this?

First of all, fire off in the comments about Trish returning dogs.

Is this normal?

My mom reads the comments.

So she will read all this stuff.

So fire off.

Let Trish know if she was right or wrong for returning a dog.

Now, I think it's a good program, but...

Awful.

But hey.

But I know my mom's reading this.

Myrtle.

She's going to be like, yes, damn, they're saying horrible.

If she starts, don't comment, Trish, if you're watching this, don't comment back.

I think my dad commented on an Instagram post that casuals posted today.

I was like, dad, please don't do that.

Oh.

Dad, you can't do that.

Stop.

I know I said, dad.

You can't do that.

This is them dropping you off at school.

You just let me out a block away.

Shut up.

Stop following me.

Don't pick me up at the door of the party.

Stop liking my stuff on Instagram.

Come on.

Fucking leave me alone.

And she's like, I read these comments.

Like, stop.

I kept my mom off Twitter.

She never got on Twitter.

I was happy about that one, but I know she's just up in these fucking YouTube comments.

So let her know.

Second one, let her know about the cheekbone.

Yeah, because Myrtle holds it.

I love it visually.

She holds it like a person.

She holds it between her paws.

It's kind of like when she hits.

Dogs using their paws as hands is one of the best things you will ever, if it's giving your hand, if it's anything, if they hold stuff with their paws.

And she does this when she's tired.

Classic Myrtle.

You know, when you stretch, when she stretches, she goes, it's great.

You got to see it live.

We both do it.

Really something.

But she holds it, and then she's slobbering away at this thing.

And I never thought I would criticize my technically offspring's hairy arms, but her hairy arms is getting, it's caught in the hair, and it's like not manged, but it's like stuck in her.

And we got to scrub her arms off.

And I'm just like, how do I let you enjoy this wonderful treat without it making you look like you don't have a place to go to sleep at night?

Yeah, she looked homeless.

She sleeps in bed with us and she looks like she lives outside.

We, at halftime of one of the divisional games, had to draw a bath and both of us stand in the bath and wash her arms because her arms were so mangy from her eating these bones.

And by the way,

it's crazy about the bone.

That's what she was doing over there.

She was like trying to find it because I hid it while we were giving her the bath and she came out and she's like, I know I still got a little bit of that bone left.

It's like a

face hairs.

She acts like an alcoholic.

She comes out and she's like, I still got whiskey in that bottle.

Where the fuck did you put that bottle?

And so I just want to know, like, is there an easy-to-use product?

Because we went through all the dog stuff we've bought to try to get that out of her.

Didn't work.

Short of shampooing her legs, how do I get that out?

It's nasty.

And people come into this house and she's like,

she's got...

cow cheeks.

She's a gross little bitch.

She's so nasty.

I wouldn't steal it.

I wouldn't have it any other way.

She's so nasty.

Freckles and her got along wonderfully.

Wonderfully.

Until

she gave

i don't want to say it was freckles fault i'm saying it's freckles' fault she gave myrtle an eye infection oh a double eye infection where we both eyes she got her

where we like

looked she looked high as over the course of the ride when we were driving to chicago like we saw it the night before and we were like oh sometimes your dog's eyes just get red honestly sometimes myrtle gets so fired up about something that it's as if she's going

inside of her and then you look at her

You look at her eyes and they're bloodshot and it's just because she was like, I wanna want that baby!

And so when they were bloodshot, I'm like, Maybe she just was excited, we're leaving or something.

I don't know.

Can I take blame for that?

Because I think she watches me podcast and want to blurt in with a joke, and I go,

and that's her.

So

I think she picked that up from me.

So you're holding it back?

I can do a voice right now, but I couldn't.

I want to finish their sentence.

It's the hardest part of podcasting.

But anyway, I thought maybe that was why your eyes were red.

And then the next morning when we woke up and we had, we were on a tight schedule.

We had to drive to get to our to Bennigan's.

Well, well, well,

this is the next chapter.

We were driving from Chicago to Denver.

And what we do is

we're out there.

For you, all you road dogs watching.

We do Chicago to Carney, Nebraska one day, and then we do Carney, Nebraska to Denver, which is about five or six hours.

While we're going Chicago to Carney, Nebraska, we're passing through Toledo, Ohio.

Beautiful.

We notice there's a Bennigans

right off the highway.

It's on one of those highway signs.

It's like food off this exit.

Pimps a city kid.

Do you remember Bennigan's at all?

Wow.

If you grew up in the 90s, Bennigans was, Bennigans walked so Applebees could run.

Bennigan's was the first tchotchki restaurant.

Burbs.

It was in your burbs.

It was in the burbs.

Shout out to Monte Cristo.

Shout out to their chicken tender.

Honey musty in general.

Honey mustard.

Dijon mustard.

Yeah, they call it something like Dijon something that made me go, is that the same sauce?

It is.

It's the, it's honey mustard, but it's so good.

We were driving from

Chicago to Kearney, Nebraska, and we see a Bennigan's and we're like, there's no way there's a Bennigan's.

But we weren't hungry.

It wasn't time to eat yet.

It was like early in the morning.

So we go, we drive to Kearney.

Then we go to Denver.

And when we're in Denver, we're like, well, we're going to.

Why, Myrtle?

Why cry?

Why?

What's happening?

She wasn't getting any attention.

That's why.

Goodness gracious.

So

we're in Denver and we know we got to go to Chicago.

We're not doing a straight shot, but our stopping point can move.

Can move.

And we know Toledo is about 10 hours right on a 15 hour drive from denver to chicago that leaves us five the next day easy to do that way we're fun when we when we because on our way back when we land in chicago kevin and julie are just there the parents aren't there it's kid time now we just get to have kid fun yeah

so we're like where do we stop we looked it up in toledo

and i was like should we go to that bennigan's turns out There's a holiday in Express.

The Bennigans is in a hotel.

It's attached.

Yeah.

In the hotel.

It's attached.

That's That's in the hotel.

No, no, no.

You have to.

To me, to me.

Let's have this out.

Yeah.

Let's litigate.

I almost just.

Oh, my God.

I was twice.

It stuck to me.

That's why.

Was I silent or was I silent?

You were silent.

Shut your mouth, woman.

In a hotel means you walk in the door of the hotel and the restaurant is in the hotel.

Okay, I couldn't do that.

Versus connected, which has a completely separate entrance.

You don't even need to go in the hotel to go in the restaurant.

You can just go in the restaurant and you can leave.

For the sake of brevity and time on the podcast i'll fine also because you just got smoked in that argument no it just is like a silly argument like a lot of times they have a separate entrance and it still opens up to the lobby like a lot of times that's this one didn't open up to the lobby okay and that's and that's fine so it's just like does it mean a lot to you to win this yeah clearly and there obviously was no entrance to the bennigans through the hotel you had to go outside then it's not connected then it's different no it's not attached at all attached means there's a door i feel like i'm losing my mind here let's not look at it it's not in the hotel Okay.

It's connected.

They're in the same building.

When you go into the hotel, when we checked in, there's a Bennigan's menu in the room.

Because they know it's walking distance.

I'm going to lose my mind.

Basically, we found out the thing that we wanted to go to.

These are the kind of arguments I want all the smoke on.

To a thing that we could stay at that was dog-friendly.

Usually that's like the, like, oh, that's a hotel, but...

not dog-friendly.

When I saw that it was dog-friendly, I was like...

We're staying at the Bennigan's Hotel.

We're staying at the Bennigans, at the Bennigan's Inn.

Bennigan Inn.

but uh so we get like

yeah like

american stupid american rename your franchise what a silly um america in but it's american and this is coming from two road dogs fuck your stupid name for your moto poo your outdoor the rooms open outdoors you're calling american

i'm a mericout on that

um

but we got so excited in denver that we're like all right we'll drive to Bennigan's.

And then as we're driving there, we're like, Myrtle's eyes are fucked.

These are crusted clothes.

Which, of course, then, like any dog owner, you turn on the other dog that got your dog sick.

So I kept being like, fucking Skittles or whatever the fuck her name is.

The amount of names you gave the dog on.

Skittles got our dog.

Pebbles got our dog all screwed up.

Yeah.

And I was so mad about it.

And

I called a vet when I was passenger princess.

I called and I found a vet that we had to take her to early in the morning to get eye drops because we didn't want to take her to Chicago with those things.

But man,

because imagine the dog gives Charlotte an eye infection, they're going to ask me to put her down.

I don't know what to, I was like, we got to put up a wall.

That's way worse than a sack.

Way worse.

That's way worse.

That is a full-on thing.

But

we found a vet.

More importantly, she was sick and we got Bennigan's and it fucking ruled.

And she just like slept on the bed.

and we were just oh my god, the tendies mixed.

We watched something bad.

Yep, remembering what it was.

We watched something that was cringy.

Yep.

Cringe watch while eating Bennigans.

Very fun.

And I'll tell you, man, I forgot that the Monte Cristo comes in four slices.

First three are heaven.

Fourth one's tough to get through.

And I watched you, like a good soldier, be like, I'm never going to be able to, I'm not going to be close to a Bennigans again soon.

I owe it to the sandwich to get it down.

And then like halfway through that fourth one, you were like, you know, the whole thing's deep fried.

And you could just see you being like,

yeah, I had the jelly dip, which it comes with.

Fantastic.

It's weird.

I didn't know that it was.

I love it.

Raspberry jelly dip.

And then I mixed it up with the ranch for a little, for a little savory.

That's, I mean, that's he's sick.

He's sick.

I don't have a sense of smell.

I had to let go of his taste combos when I made,

was was it buttered noodles and we're like

you put hot sauce in it yeah it's like oh yeah what are we doing oh yeah what are we doing oh yeah and so now I learned it doesn't um benefit me to to to I just let your freak flag fly when it comes to your ranch I turn a blind eye out of

you know I eat like a man without a sense of smell Who insists his sense of taste is no different.

No,

it has been severely handicapped.

Yeah.

But you know what kicks through?

Ranch.

Hot sauce.

Hot sauce.

I do know that.

I've noticed that.

And sweets.

And the sugary sweetness of things.

Yeah, it, um, that Bennigan's, I felt bad.

I was really kind of hoping for an in-restaurant experience with some merch.

I really had a whole thing dreamed up.

And let me tell you right now, Bennigan's ain't doing so hot.

Yeah, the crazy thing about a...

You go in that Bennigan's and you go, I have seen restaurants that are in lobbies of hotels much better run than this yeah i feel like in new york you rarely find a restaurant at this point on a delivery app that doesn't have a section where it's like t-shirts hats and you're like i'm a 75 t-shirt from the place i get my chicken palm at first it was weird but now i'm used to it in fact one time it usually it means it's good merch in fact one time we had disagreed against small little fight like we have uh it bothered me that i was in charge of remembering which restaurants we ordered stuff from.

There was a sword.

You would just get to say, I want that bagel.

And I pushed back and I said, and where's that bagel from?

And he was like,

I don't know.

Well, I have to know the name of the place or something.

And so then I bought, as the punchline to soften the blow, when the bagels arrived, they came with a t-shirt.

And I said, now you'll never forget what this bagel place is called.

It was Baz bagelry.

Over a bazillion sold.

Yeah, over a bazillion sold.

But they had a really good egg sandwich.

And I was like, no, I want the egg sandwich.

And she was like, what's the name of the place?

And it was one of those things where it's early.

It's not necessary.

It was really one of those things that are early enough in the morning where I go, I don't know.

And she goes, so what?

You're just, I'm just supposed to know.

And I was like, it's just fucking, it's just you order the fucking egg sandwich.

And then you're like, well, why don't you learn the name?

And then we can have it.

I was like, I'm going to take Myrtle for a walk.

And you know, that walk was just spicy.

That's the thing about you is you just got to know he's arguing with you in his head on the walk.

And so I can either argue with him and then when we meet back up, have like two separate arguments at at each other, or I can just go like,

yeah, I'll spend the $35 on a t-shirt he might never wear.

I do think it's worth it for him to open it up and be like, why is there?

And then I'll just be smiling with my sweet little face and then he'll laugh and oh, we'll kiss.

Yep.

And we do.

And that's pretty much what happened.

And that is pretty much what happened.

And I love that shirt.

I love my bass.

I love my Baz Bagel shirt over a Bazillion Salt.

I wear it all the time.

But Bennigan's, I think you could really, if you're not on the way out, maybe they're just like, hey, lady, we're playing music as the ship goes down.

It felt like that.

but it was like uh if you guys just sold a green bennigans uh crew neck sweatshirt like honestly like a champion almost like the old champ i would defy that go for comfort bennigans all these people I feel like comedians got too good at selling merch and restaurants got worse at it.

It always used to be when you walked in.

Remember that place I showed you that's now closed down called Emerald Isle, the place that I worked at in Aurora?

Yes.

It was a...

It was like the view or something.

Yeah, it was a view of the reservoir and in the mountains.

It was beautiful.

It just recently closed.

Is that where the lady drove out onto the ice?

No, that was Yaya's in the Denver Tech Center.

I'll tell that story in a little bit.

That was fucking nuts.

I worked at Emerald Isle, which that was my first job.

It was illegal.

I was 14 and I was busing tables there.

They paid me cash in an envelope and gave me Marlboro Lights.

And

They had the best merch.

You would go in.

It was like a shitty Mexican restaurant.

Great bar, unbelievable patio.

That was all the money was booze.

Shitty tacos and burritos and shit.

Fire t-shirts.

Emerald Isle, which is named for Ireland, but it's a Mexican restaurant.

I don't know.

Emerald Isle little thing on the front, back.

If you're from Aurora or you live in Colorado, I bet someone out, I bet someone watches this guy on an Emerald Isle shirt and they go, it is a good shirt.

Good merchant or restaurant's what you want.

Yeah.

I don't want, like, I was expecting to go into Bennigan's.

My plan, my fantasy fantasy booking this, was I was going to go downstairs, walk into Bennigan's, and get you a cute little small sweatshirt, get myself a reliable t-shirt and a comfy hoodie for Sundays.

Damn, you were going to spend it all.

I was willing to drop $200 on merch at Bennigan's.

Wow.

And that's what

we can do with our money.

Ball is in your court.

I was willing to drop $200.

That could save a whole restaurant.

Instead, I spent $55 on a Monte Cristo and some chicken tenders.

Was not bummed about that.

No.

Just saying, that could have been a $300 bill, which I would have tipped $60 even on merch.

Yeah.

Just saying.

Could have been.

Could have turned money into money.

And then the others, you were thinking was, I waited tables.

I didn't wait tables.

I bussed tables at a place called Yaya's, still in existence in the Denver Tech Center.

And when I was in high school, there was a snowstorm.

It's on the Yaya's is like up a hill.

And on the corner of where the streets meet, there was a pond, like a small pond.

I don't know how deep it is, but it's, it's, it's,

it's not that small.

It's actually pretty, pretty big, but it's not like

a fucking lake or anything.

Yeah.

It's like a pond that's in a tech center thing.

Yeah.

Everyone's picturing exactly what you mean, I think.

Snowed.

There was light snow over everything.

The pond was frozen.

Yeah.

An elderly lady and her friend were going to the restaurant I worked at, Yaya's for lunch.

They did not know it was a pond.

They thought it was a parking lot.

These women drove onto the pond.

The car went into the water.

One of my managers saw it happen.

Crazy.

Grabbed a propane tank from the heat torches from outside, like on the patio.

As the car was going into, so the pond was deep enough that the car could go like this.

He threw one of the propane tanks through the back window, pulled one woman out, another woman, the driver died.

And I worked that night.

Worked that night.

Pretty slow.

Stayed open.

Pretty slow.

No one came in.

They caught me pretty quickly.

But it was wild.

And shout out Patrick, my manager, had such coke energy that you were like, what a manager to be on board.

Not the guy that's wanting, making the schedule trying to get pussy, but the guy that's like, guys, you didn't do your side work.

And then you're like, hey, there's an accident.

He's like, ah!

And if I get through and pulled a lady out.

Crazy, the quickness you have to come up with.

I would have been like, what should I?

And if I could, and I just paralyzed by all the ways I could save them and they would die.

It was a tragedy.

A woman died.

I just remember being at work that night, like staring at the pond through the window, being like, this is fucked up.

And then they're like, can you pre-bust for me?

Oh, my God.

Having a roll silverware when you're, a lady died here.

But also, as a high schooler, when you get cut early, it is like probably the best.

Because that ruled even when you're an adult

and you need rent.

It's like suddenly I'm not at work anymore.

And my mom thinks I'm at work.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Didn't think.

Mom thinks I'm at work till 11.

Yeah.

Because that's when I get cut.

I think I'm going to go to Zach Moore's house.

Think I'm going to smoke weed and play N64 Mario tennis.

Of course.

Of course you are.

And then go, sorry, mom.

I'm glad you brought that up because we don't have it.

We have not yet told anybody.

I've had no platform with which to share that on We Golf,

when we go home for Christmas.

You're trying to get Trish to punch through a wall.

Sorry, Trish, let me have this.

Let me have this.

It has nothing to do with what Trish shot.

We don't know what Trish shot not being mentioned in the story.

So there is a tradition at my mom's house where we play old Nintendo Wii golf.

My mom and I have been playing it for fucking 10 years.

However long it's been since the Nintendo Wi came out, we've been playing Wii Sports Golf.

You can play nine holes total.

You can't even get 18.

I know there's a new game, but there's too many.

This isn't that.

Talking about the old one.

We're talking about the old one, and and we love it so much that we play it on christmas which you have for the last three years and i was new to it and i'm not i got um what would usually happen if we're being honest i would have like a i do okay and then all of a sudden i'd have like a round where i was like 10 over and then I'd be like, this sucks.

And I would just, woo, it's like real golf, truly.

I'll have a couple good ones.

And then I'm like, I'm just here for the beer.

I do not want to do this anymore because it gets too frustrating.

And by the way, I've had meltdowns.

I've watched Trish have meltdowns.

I try to be a good sport.

I know we're there to interact socially.

It's very fun.

Usually Trish makes a cocktail.

We'll smoke a bowl.

We get up there.

Fucking

Chip King.

Fucking Katie comes in.

Christmas of 2024.

Now,

the records are the best I've ever shot on Nintendo eGolf is eight under.

My mom has shot a seven under.

Those are very hard to get.

Usually you're like five under and then you start bricking on the last two holes.

They show you a little line graph of how you've done over time, and they are up here.

And mine goes like

I'm always at the bottom.

Katie comes in day after Christmas.

I think it was the day after Christmas.

I don't know what got into me.

Might have been Christmas.

Might have been Trisha's Baileys that got into me.

Yeah, my mom makes Bailey's.

Homemade Baileys?

Homemade Baileys, which are

I'm telling you right now.

That was when I quit drinking, that was the one of the things she was genuinely bummed about.

I know.

She goes, You can't have the Baileys anymore.

And you're like, Yeah, it's all whiskey.

Yeah.

No, I can't.

She has some fucking, she got a little Colorado dube in her.

Yeah.

Fucking has some Baileys.

Fucking Katie comes out, shoots eight under,

ties the record.

She holds the record.

That record's been there for fucking six years.

And I've never sniffed it.

I've never come close to it.

Never even came in close.

The throne at all.

And now Katie is up there on the mountain.

And that was right after I shot a seven under the game before, which was also crazy.

I don't know what happened that day.

I just want to get it on wax because they don't think it's ever going to happen happen again.

I want to make sure I celebrate my wins.

Why can't 2025 at the end of this year be the year that you get, or when we, if we go out there during the summer, nine under?

Because if I'm honest, I didn't learn anything from the experience.

There was no like, oh, here's what it is.

I've cracked the code.

I think it just was a perfect moment of all the right things working together.

And

I'll be chasing that.

You know what happened?

What?

Got out of your own way.

Yeah.

Ain't that life.

Ain't Ain't that life.

Hopefully.

And look what that led to.

I stay in my own way a lot.

Bennigans.

I think this podcast is going to lead to someone at Bennigan's Corporate getting us some pretty nice sweatshirts.

Yeah.

If I could say so.

I'll just make them myself.

Yeah, you can do that.

You just make your own sweatshirt now.

You should do that.

Bennigans, what are you fucking doing?

Which, by the way, when does this come out?

Next week.

Oh, I was going to say if it came out anytime this week.

Kevin's birthday is on Thursday.

Happy birthday, Kevin.

Happy birthday, Kevin.

It was last Thursday.

Yeah.

It's actually your birthday today.

Today.

It's going to come out on your birthday.

Happy birthday, Katie.

Hey, thanks, guys.

Tell everybody, tell Katie, happy birthday, everybody.

And listen to our podcast, Casuals, which is everywhere that podcasts are available.

Go like, subscribe.

It's fucking great.

Episode one is Stavros.

Episode two.

We know, we think, but he's not confirmed, so I don't want to say.

Episode three

could be me.

It's your boy.

Might be me.

Might be recording it today.

Why would you do that while doing that?

Because you're plugging on the podcast and itching your balls he's not gonna show it it's not that casual

um yeah listen to casuals it's if you want to call it that you better be ready to live that can i just say here because we are in the podcast referenced in what i'm about to say i sit usually

right on the other side of this wall and just like say hi to your guests and and then i'm just hanging out and after enough of doing that i was like you know what let's just Make a podcast.

I have to sit on the sidelines and watch this fucking podcast happen in my apartment.

I hope that didn't sound like that.

I meant like I hear you making people laugh and laughing with people.

And I just feel like, you know that

meme that went viral a while ago of somebody like with a billboard and he's sitting there.

He's like me listening to a podcast and it's like them all laughing in the ad and he's eating going like, ha ha ha.

I just felt like I was laughing at the conversations you were and I was like, I should, I gotta, and so rather than do what I always do, which is like, I don't want to start back up until I have exactly what the thing is that I want to make and I want want to make it perfect.

I was like, let's just, look, everybody's got a podcast.

So go make a podcast.

And if it sucks, no one's going to notice because nobody cares because everybody has a podcast.

So I'm just making a podcast.

I'm just trying to get back out there

so that it doesn't feel like doing something is doing a million things.

I just need to get back into the groove of stuff and figure it out.

And the concept of casuals seems easy enough to me.

It's just like sports for people that like feel like sports leaves them out

or sports for people that are like i don't really care like that or sports for people that just want to know a little bit about everything going on sports now it's became especially with gambling money a very intense thing where uh everyone that talks about sports seems like they're doing it to make money instead of just enjoying it for the fandom of just being like hey i like this and i just want to talk about it because i like it it's like trying to drive home a point or get across like a bet that you should make instead of just and oh my god i have no idea what bet you should make I don't even bet my own money don't let me tell you what to do with your money I don't know about mine but it's also like man there is a there is a whole

slice of the pie that's missing of just like I just like sports I just like I miss baseball because it's on during the day and I can watch the tigers and the blue jays and just enjoy it and not be like my parlay is fucked because Ramirez didn't hit fucking for the cycle before gambling was legal I was very like hey let people make their own decisions.

Don't tell them what to, it could help reinvigorate the economy.

What my issue with it is, is that once it was legal, it was everywhere.

There was no like, hey, maybe every single show isn't brought to you by DraftKings.

Hey, maybe every commercial break shouldn't have three ads featuring the most popular athletes telling me how to lose my money to them.

Maybe, like, I just was thinking about like

little me and like little me didn't really feel reflected anyway in sports media growing up but like at least i could watch you know like stuart scott and and like watch the sport of it and be surprised and interested by the sport of it like kenny main without being like oh and also It just feels so tied to gambling now that I think a younger fan would have a hard time going like, oh, this can exist separate from this.

And I kind of want casuals to be like, hey, you can gamble or you can not gamble.

But we're not brought to you by gambling.

Hopefully.

I mean, cut to me a year from now being like, I couldn't make any money.

There you go.

FanDuel, welcome to FanDuel Myrtle.

They do have money.

FanDuel,

they control our dog now.

Yeah, they.

They do have the most money in sports and they are to their credit.

They're making content, but like everybody's getting paid by that.

And I am like,

if you made me tell people what to gamble on and then they lost their house and then someone came to me and said that to me, I'm not that, I'm not built that way.

I'm built different.

Parentheses, derogatory.

I am like, if you come up to me and say i lost my house because of a thing you told me to do i'm like i'm so

i crumble yeah i already think i'm the worst person on earth most of the time and like if somebody i would just it's too much and so i just want to like talk about sports and be silly i don't want to feel like everybody's got to know everything i don't feel like my house is on the line it's just like don't you love sports

sports crazy i'm i'm happy you have it because there's so many times where we watch sports and have so many good bits that has nowhere to go that has nowhere to go.

And now you have a whole home for all our little fun little bits that happen during seasons.

Oh, can I ask you this?

And you can cut this out of the podcast if it's not good podcast content, but it was an issue I ran into today where basically, and I don't know what to do in these situations, I want you to tell me.

I'll be talking to someone about something and it basically walks into a bit of yours.

I today stopped Stavi and I was like, yes, and I agree, but this is

like a joke of Dan's.

And I don't want to basically just quote Dan's joke.

So I'm going to make us abandon this very funny topic.

Watch my comic brain go, what bit?

I'm trying to think.

If we can sit in silence for 20 seconds, I think I can remember it.

Impossible to try it.

Put the counter up.

What was it?

Oh, no.

What was it?

Was it my bit about how I'm a generous lover?

No.

Okay.

We're back in.

You didn't even need to see that what do I do in that situation that's the right thing right because for

Soder has a bit about this okay you want oh soder I said it that was for my brain love of my life that's exactly what I did I said I agree but Dan has this joke the man think my wife calls me soder I mean my fucking mom does why wouldn't you

the man I love the most has this bit.

Yeah.

Let's back away out of respect.

Oh, no, no, no.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't really like, or get into it and be like, oh, so-and-so has a bit, but then my fear is I just burned your joke on my podcast.

Stand-up's different.

Stand-up's different.

Stand-up is like, um,

there's always a regret that I have when I go like, oh, I kind of have a bit that goes like this because you're not doing it the service of like performing the bit and like getting into it and hitting the punchline.

There's like, you know, and comedy is, especially when it's conversational and that kind of stuff, you're going to bump into stuff that people have said that they go like, I said that.

And you go like, well, it's not really, you're like,

Sam Rill has a bit about Abraham Lincoln being gay.

I have a bit about Abraham Lincoln being gay.

It is two totally different jokes.

It's so funny how specific that is.

And because he said it last night when I got off stage at the seller,

there's a comic Pete at the seller that was doing a joke about his grandmother dying at the age of 103.

I have a joke.

I mean, people's grandmothers die.

So it's just like, there's topics.

So if you bump into the topic, I think the safe thing to do is go,

so-and-so has a bit about it, but then you, you're like ear tagging it.

And then you're like, all right, now we can just fuck it, fuck around and joke around about it.

You're very good at that because your brain, you can hear a joke once.

Like you watched Chappelle's monologue and you came out and you could recite it for me word for word.

And it didn't even look like it took you that much effort to remember.

It was great.

Your brain comes

is wild.

Your brain, when it comes to comedy, is wild.

I think it's why people always come up to you and they're like, hey, tell you a joke.

And then they go does anybody have that yet you can go dan goes no

one of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when david tell called me and he was like anybody have this bit i've told the joke a ton of times but he just like did a bunch of jokes and i go oh no no no but um for this one you could say like cereal and he goes not looking for tags and then hung up and i was like dah

but yeah i think a lot of comics are like that i think when you just like especially writing jokes you're like oh i know that it's i bet musicians are a lot like that too where they go like so-and-so has a song that goes ba ba ba ba ba ba ba like when i always find it interesting in documentaries when musicians talk they did that one about um

um quincy jones organizing

the the aid yeah um the uh

world aid or whatever it was and uh watching they talk about him writing a song with michael jackson and michael jackson was just like no but the hook can go

i follow that's my big thing about algorithm on instagrams right now are old white dudes who have podcasts with old musicians and they talk about being pimps nodding you know what i'm talking about where they'll be in the studio and they'll go like and then he looked at me and said you got a drum fill for that and i said

that and you're like i love this shit i'm like so into that specifically yeah that's what's great about social media is you can find stuff like that where you're like creatively that's such a fun

itch to scratch and then you scroll because it finished and all of a sudden you're just watching a person eat quickly eat a lot of food quickly or you're watching a person pretend to be aipt hapt hapt hapt up

hey watch me eat all these pancakes that's how you know we're in trouble hey

we were we were saying when tick tock shut down we were doing um we were doing end of the world pinky doll where she's just in a tent and you just pay money to go in there and she goes oh

and you give her five dollars she takes the money

like it got me feeling like a cowgirl.

Let me run it.

And she goes, give me five.

Just keep giving her money.

You're like, oh, fuck.

TikTok in person is such a funny idea.

These people just being like, give me more money.

Desert.

Everything's absurd.

But overall, the Christmas trip this year.

Fantastic.

Fantastic.

We didn't get snowed in Nebraska.

We didn't get into

too many arguments.

We didn't get pulled over.

We got pulled over last year.

In Gary, Indiana.

Somebody was going a little too fast.

A little too fast, too furious.

And she was like, like, I'm going to start the day out driving.

I was like, all right.

And then she got pulled over right as I was loading the one hitter.

Not great.

Thank God I didn't rip that bad boy.

Because when I'm passenger princess.

Yeah, smokes a lot of weed.

And I don't smoke weed and drive.

Wake and bake.

I'm not.

I'm the passenger princess.

But I'm in my sweats.

I said we go.

I'm in my sweats with my coffee like this.

And I go, I kind of want to get really high right now.

I don't want to get really high.

And then I want to listen to music.

That's me as a passenger princess.

I said we go.

Listen here.

Oh, my God.

Oh my God, that's risky.

Yeah, dude, she loves pimp.

Look at her.

She gets in there.

She finds her way in there.

But it was a great trip.

I love doing it.

I think it's a thing that we can do while we're young and sexy.

Yeah, which we are both.

Check and check.

Check and check.

It's just a very fun way to do Christmas, to see everybody, to get the, and then we got to spend an extra day in Colorado, see the family.

Yeah.

It's a long trip.

By the end of it, dying to just be home.

And I keep saying to whoever's around, like, this is no offense to you I just really want to sleep in my own bed yeah it was two weeks yeah it's a long time to be gone but you are so easy to road trip with you're just you know

the guy and it's uh

it's great I like spending time with you I like spending time with like little swaths of the family and getting little things in yeah I got like a scalp massage treatment in Chicago with Julie we did a little spa treatment it's very fun it's very fun to like be in Chicago one day be in Denver the next and then come all the way, and then come back home and not do anything.

We're jet setters.

Oh, yeah.

And then we did not, the whole month of January has been so nice.

I've been so spoiled because you just haven't been on the road.

But I'm back on the road.

Danceodor.com.

Get tickets and see me.

Please go because otherwise, I'm just like, you're not hanging out for no reason.

So sell that out.

Huntsville, Alabama.

I'm bringing the SAG Daddy with me.

And then California Trip, you might be with me on that one.

Depends.

It depends on what we got going on.

Depends on what's going on.

I mean, what's going on over there?

I don't know because we do have the

February 28th, I'll be in San Diego at the Balboa Theater.

March 1st, supposed to be at the United Theater in Los Angeles.

We're still seeing A, if people are coming out to shows, B, if we can take some of that money and donate it to a cause that can help people that lost stuff in the fires.

Great.

But March 2nd,

I'm going to be at the Palace of Fine Arts in San Francisco.

Shout out Cubs Comedy Club.

I'm going to be in San Francisco at Palace of Fine Arts March 2nd.

So dansoter.com for tickets.

More, most importantly,

don't keep going under the colours.

The casuals, it's crazy.

The casuals.

Just casuals, not the.

Why did I put the?

That's a wild choice.

I've been there since you came up with the name.

Casuals.

Go listen to it.

It's very funny.

Brought to you by SiriusXM.

So Katie went and got a work badge.

Okay, but it's, oh, I don't have it on me.

I took it off.

But I'm not, but it's not a Sirius XM show.

It's very confusing because people are like, you got to pay for that.

I'm like, not their podcasts.

I don't get it either to be clear Yeah, it's just they're helping me launch it It's a partnership.

Yeah, it's a partnership of they're helping produce it for the first year But it's your podcast.

Yes, mine is not a serious XM show.

It is just that but she does have a serious XM work badge, which does feel weird

seeing it on the counter and being like

I had one.

Do you want me to put mine next to yours?

And when I had to go to 1221 to like do stuff to prep for the podcast and I would run into like Jay and Christine coming in and I was like, hey guys.

I first saw Jacob and Jacob's like, what are you doing here?

Yeah.

And he just looked at me like when you see a teacher at the mall and you're like, out of context, why?

And I was like, hi, I have a podcast here.

And I think he genuinely went like, okay, and gave me a hug.

It's very funny.

You should fuck with people and go, I made him leave so I could have it all to myself.

Exactly right.

We can't be in the same place.

I can't.

I move, you know, in the shadows.

People think I'm a sweetie, but actually

for everything you have.

It all timed out.

It is very funny, though.

And come see me on tour as a stand-up comic.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

I'm just kidding.

Full heel turn.

Full heel turn.

She's like, and I don't care.

You would have had to have cheated on me or died.

Those are the only two ways that ever happens.

If I die, grab.

I'll just tell your jokes.

I'll just do what I stopped myself from doing on my podcast.

Grab that blue notebook because there's like nine bangers in there.

And then just fucking.

I'll stop worrying about stepping on them because they'll all be mine now.

Yeah.

And she goes, oh, I can run in the field free, fancy-free

casuals.

Go download.

If you want to.

Honestly, just like hit subscribe and then like like later unsubscribe.

And also,

comment section is returning a dog within two weeks.

Okay.

I don't know why you're making this happen because now Trisha's going to hate it even more because their comments are going to be about her.

But really quick on casuals, one last thing.

I talked to like iTunes and I was like, hey, if people want to give me a one-star review, should they click, which one star do they click?

And they said the one all the way on the right.

Okay.

So if you want to give a one-star review, all the way to the right.

It's like kind of, it's like Hebrew.

You read it the other way.

So to hit the one star, and they're all going to light up yellow.

Don't worry about that.

It's a bug.

Hit the one star.

That's it.

Right.

Right.

Great.

And then that's it.

You don't even have to comment.

No,

you do not need to tell me what you think.

Yeah.

I already know.

Casual.

Now what's happening?

You've now twice said it wrong.

It's casuals.

It's not the casuals.

And it's not casual.

It's casuals.

Casualize.

Relax.

Check out her new podcast, Relaxation.

Okay, here, that's not even what it's called.