55: Hollywood Legends with David Gborie | Soder Podcast | EP 55

Hey everybody, it's almost the end of the year.

I got some dates left.

You should come see me.

Friday, December 6th in Chicago, Illinois.

Two shows at the Vic Theater.

First one is sold out.

Thank you guys.

Second one, tickets available.

So go get your tickets right now for the late show, December 6th, Chicago, Illinois, The Vic Theater.

Saturday, December 7th, I will be at Turner Hall in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

So come on out to a show December 7th in Milliwauke,

Wisconsin.

and then closing it out sacramento california december 12th through the 14th i will be at the punchline one of my favorite clubs in the country haven't been back to sacramento since my grandmother died so that'll be fun punchline rules get tickets right now at dancehunter.com

We got a hairless cat.

Do you?

Oh, you guys got it.

Yeah, it's sick.

You want to see it?

Yeah.

Dude, it's crazy.

Oh, your phone's charging.

Oh, my phone's charging.

I'll see it after.

You don't realize it because you're like,

you don't realize it.

You've never seen a cat's pussy before.

That's true.

I don't think I've.

What if this is how we find out?

I have like a fucked up.

Yeah, dude.

You go, dude, everyone thinks Soda's so cool.

He fucks cats.

He loves cat pussy.

He knew like in detail about cat pussy.

It's weird because she was like crawling.

And I was like, what?

Like Tawny Katane over at the car.

Oh, on top of a car.

Shut her pussy out.

She went in on her own.

She's She's like, oh, fuck.

It's a steam machine.

I'm a sexy ass cat.

That's how it is when you wash it.

Yeah.

It's like.

It looks like a fucking, like one of those old bikini car washes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I bought a Dotson just a little bit.

I started a hair metal band.

Yeah.

She's going to be like, it's just for my cat, dude.

What's her name?

Grandma.

Nice.

Grandma?

Pretty good cat.

A grandma, a cat who you could see her pussy calling her grandma.

It's pretty fun.

It's like on all levels.

But it is a weird because it's like above the butthole.

I just, you just, you never saw it.

You never seen it before.

Wait, the cat pussy is above the butthole.

Like what they said about Chinese girls movies.

Whoa.

We're recording.

This is.

Oh, no.

I like all of this.

I don't want to lose anything.

I love your culture.

I love your pussy.

Put it you are.

Wouldn't it be great if you had a light understanding of Japanese?

And he goes, I apologize for my dishonor.

I know bad luck in Chinese is huck chai.

Okay.

Because I used to work at a casino, and if you were winning, they would call you that.

What casino did you work at?

Artichook Joe's across the street from San Francisco Airport.

Really?

Yeah.

In South San Francisco?

Yeah.

San Bruno, technically.

But yeah, same thing.

San Bruno?

Oh, yeah.

What the fuck?

Oh, yeah.

You have a life.

And David Borey is one of my favorite human beings on the planet.

One of my favorite comedians working.

But you have a life.

You and Sam Talent, you guys are best friends, grew up together.

Went to high school together.

You guys both are like old men that were trapped in young men's bodies, like your stories?

Well, like trapped in old men's bodies, too.

Yeah, but you have the company of old men.

Yeah, young men's faces.

Yeah.

We got their knees.

But you and Sam Talent, you guys both have stories where you're like, I remember when I was a train conductor in Utah for a year.

Yeah, I remember when he was an ice cream man.

I didn't even know that.

Yeah, it was weird.

He was an ice cream man?

Yeah, he was an ice cream man.

In Colorado?

Yeah, in Denver.

But only for like six months.

I feel like when it gets winter, yeah, they don't need you anymore.

Yeah, fuck.

Fuck out of here.

What are we doing?

Well, actually, in Colorado, it might be the one place where the next day it's 72.

Well, and you can just cut off the cream and start selling ice.

You know what I mean?

That is true.

Damn, I didn't know he was a fucking ice cream man.

So when did you move to San Bruno?

So I was in Colorado.

And I was working at a call center and I got a DUI.

And I was like,

come on, man.

And I was like 20 miles from work.

So I was like, fuck, I'm fucked.

But my parents were living in San Mateo.

Okay.

Or no, Brisbane, right, right there.

Yeah.

It's all South San Francisco.

Yeah, it's all there.

And so I went over there.

And they just like, I just answered a Craigslist dad.

And they were like, do you gamble?

And I was like, no, because I didn't.

Yeah.

I was like, no, not at all.

And then they gave me the job working at the casino.

Yeah, because they want people who are not afflicted by the disease.

I was a gambling disease.

Dude, I was the only one who didn't lie about it.

Everyone else?

Hardcore,

hardcore game.

Everybody was like loan sharking and shit like that, but it was like mostly Chinese guys.

Yeah.

So they would like slow play you.

Like, so I'd be at the table and they'd be like, hi, David.

And they'd like wave all dumb and like, oh, I love pictures.

And then you'd see them like out by the garbage can, like,

some guy.

Yeah, it was really cool.

But then they got raided by the FBI and they wanted me to go work at the casino out in like San Pablo, but I didn't have a car.

And they were like, we won't give you unemployment.

And I was like, fuck that.

So I quit.

Were you a dealer?

No.

So like, this is so weird.

So in California, games, it's like, if it's on native land, they can have slots and all that.

But if it's like California land, it's not technically a casino because you can't have games of chance.

You can just have like...

You can just have peer-to-peer gambling.

So it's technically not a casino.

It's a California card room.

And like, the way it works is like, so like if we're playing blackjack, let's say the three of us are playing blackjack.

We sit down at the table.

The dealer's hand is the bank.

But in California, the bank rotates.

So one hand, I'll bank, next hand, you'll bank, next hand, you'll bank.

Also, they're basically like, that's the sidestep is they're like, oh, it's just three people.

Oh, you're playing cards.

But what happened was, let's say you're banking and me and you are betting $20 a hand.

We both win, but you only put $30 as the bank.

Juice starts, or action starts at me.

I get my $20 back.

You only get $10.

Now we're like, fuck this guy, but he's like, whatever.

I only wanted to bank for 30 bucks anyways.

And then that's how banking worked.

So my company came in and we were like, because you can pass the bank.

That's an option.

So my company came in and we were like, we'll bank every hand up to 50K.

So nobody ever loses, but you have to let us bank every time.

But then it was fucked up because it was basically even the dealers were against me.

Yeah.

Nobody, you're like, you're, it's called corporation.

So they'd be like, you know what?

But you know, the gambling world, like casinos and all that that shit, when you realize how complicated and how many workarounds are happening, it's probably more than government.

It's like dark.

It's crazy how they're just like, yeah, yeah, no, how do we keep going?

Like the lack.

I remember like when I was young and I started going to Vegas when I was like in college or whatever.

And I remember being like

noticing the lack of sunlight, the oxygen getting pumped in.

Yeah, you don't know.

It's just the tip of the ice.

There's no clocks anywhere.

They just want you to sit down.

There's a bunch of prostitutes.

I wonder how much Vegas is pissed off about

gambling apps because they got to be like, that was the thing.

They bring people in to gamble.

FanDuel is going to kill us all, brother.

I mean, unless you're sponsored.

No,

I don't do that.

Okay, yeah, dude.

That's just...

Have you noticed it back home?

In Colorado, everybody gambles now.

I mean, dude, I noticed that everywhere.

Everywhere.

I think it's like, what I think is crazy about it is there's like...

Little kids growing up, learning about gambling felt like smoking a cigarette where you're like, I'm doing an adult thing yeah but you didn't do it for real I felt no like you couldn't hit a parlay in seventh grade no you

I remember I remember being old and not even knowing what the spread was but like finding out about a spread but when you find out

when you find out about like people running numbers you're like oh you had to be it was real gambling you had to be dangerous and you should it should be we shouldn't just be able to it should you should have to call I'm assuming an Italian guy yeah and I don't want to be too hard.

I'm not that guy.

But I'm just saying the mafia, La Costa Nostra.

They benefited for years.

But like, you had to, like, you, it should be hard.

You shouldn't be able to just.

I mean, it was a thing where, like, if you found out someone was into gambling, you were like, oh, you got to know some dangerous people.

Yeah, you're like a whole other guy.

I mean, similar to like buying weed.

Like, when you used to buy weed.

I think buying weed was easier.

But I'm saying there was an element of danger.

Oh, yeah.

Back in the day.

Weed was kind of scary.

Like before, when.

Remember when weed used to get dry like when you would try to get weed and they'd be like it's dry you know but or swag just in general i smoke so much swag oh my god slice it off the brick brother

oh dude i worked

i worked at this uh radio station in tucson shout out kfma day oh yeah

very real thing it has it's the southwestern's most popular concert outdoor concert festival okay it was pretty big we got like huge bands that's like a major market though right tucson it's no phoenix is yeah phoenix is big okay they they had they had a big station but we got KFMA day I worked at KFMA and we'd get like my first year working there was like Foo Fighters Huba stank

oh that's I was gonna think it was like an afro man no no no like a yeah

we're getting uh we're getting side bands yeah yeah dynamite I think we got dynamite hack one year okay you guys are doing okay it was basically like you know remember KTC you know KTCL in Colorado yeah yeah it was KTCL of Tucson Okay, okay.

So I got hired there.

Okay, that's pretty cool, though.

It was awesome.

Bad weed in Arizona, I assume.

This one guy that I, like, weed was,

I lived with a weed dealer, but I didn't have any money.

But this dude that worked at La Caliente, shout out, Pepe.

Bad.

He did get caught and he was illegal and he like got put over.

Guy was like the best night.

I think it was 102.1 La Caliente.

And you would open the door and you'd be like,

and he'd be like, hula, hula, hula, holo, los mosaente de la localiente.

He was awesome at that shit.

Yeah.

But he would, my friend Greg Rampage USA, who's still in radio at the end, Gregor,

he was like my big brother at the station and he taught me.

And the first time he was like, are you high?

And I was like, oh, shit.

Because I showed up to work high.

I was like, yeah.

And he's like, what the fuck, man?

And he's like, I'm fucking with you.

We're going to get high after this show.

And Pepe would come to the studio and he'd be like, like on a donkey?

It feels like.

Yeah.

You're like, Pepe, is that yours?

He's like, see,

he had an old Corvette, like a red Corvette from like the 70s.

Doused in cologne.

He always had women at the studio.

He was a hot guy.

He was just like a, he was like a decent-looking Mexican dude that wanted pussy all the time.

I respect that.

That's a cool guy.

That's a cool guy.

Cool guy.

And he would come by the studio and he'd go, churro time?

And he would show this big ass joint.

Schwag.

Shit that he had brought over from, like people he knew brought over from Mexico.

So it smelled like cologne because it was like the way we packaged, the way they like brought it in.

He brought it in under his arms.

Dude, yeah.

Stroke through his chest.

It was dog shit weed.

You have to pick out all the seeds, but you get, you get high and you can.

It's fucked up, man.

I miss shitting.

I miss smoking a shitload of bad weed.

Because you know what?

Like, we used to get it.

I used to get quarter pounds and it would still be in slacks.

Yeah, that's right.

When you would give me weed and

yeah, yeah, yeah.

And just like.

But I don't ever remember

like the freakouts that I have now on weed.

I think on swag, I would just get like scared real quick and then giggly.

I would get like a headache.

Yeah.

And then sometimes I would spiral.

If I smoked swag before work, I would be like walking to Conoco.

Like, oh my God, I have to work every day for the rest of my life.

But other than that, it was pretty great.

But you didn't get the feeling of like weed now where you're like, am I losing my mind?

No, I also also don't feel like, and this sounds weird, I don't feel like back then there was as much middle ground weed.

No.

There was bad weed and you knew it was bad weed because it was in the slats.

And then there was kind bud, which for some reason in Aurora was the best weed.

Imaginable.

It was unbelievable.

Everybody smoked kindbud, which was, and that was 100 different kinds of weed, I'm pretty sure.

It never was the same kind of weed.

No, but it was kind bud.

It was KB.

It would always, dude, Kate, this is so funny.

Man, I still love smoking kindbud, man.

We would go, yeah, dude.

We would go smoke fucking...

I had a bong called the attitude adjustment.

Yeah.

And we would just take fucking...

My mom let me smoke weed in her my garage.

That's because you're a good guy.

Yeah.

You're a cool guy.

Well, my mom was like, I don't want you guys driving around.

And we were all like juniors and seniors in high school.

Right.

She's like, I don't want you not going to college because they catch you smoking weed.

She's like, so just get high in the garage.

I used to get, do you know, there was a car wash down.

Do you know where Chubby's is?

Yeah, I know where Chubby's is right by the old Toys R Us off Mississippi.

Yeah.

No, I'm talking about the one on Smokey's.

Yeah.

The one, so there was a car wash right around the corner there that my friend worked at, and we would go smoke weed at that car wash and then try to sneak into Chubby's and drink underage a lot, a lot of nights.

I know exactly what you're talking about.

Yeah, it's a good combo.

Smokey Hill and Chambers.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

There used to be a fucking great deli right there, brother.

And if it didn't work, then we would watch.

I didn't even thought of Chubby's in fucking forever.

Bad news.

So David and I found out that we grew up pretty much next to each other, very close to each other, but had no idea.

We were at Ramon Rivas' festival in Cleveland.

In Cleveland, exactly.

And we were like talking some shit about something.

And David was like, I'm from Colorado.

I was like, I'm from Colorado.

He's like, where are you from?

I'm like, I grew up in Aurora.

He was like, dude, I'm from Elizabeth.

And he's like, but I lived in Aurora for a little bit.

Long time.

Yeah.

And I was like, oh, dude.

And we grew up.

I mean, D exactly.

I grew up on Chambers and Hamden.

You were on like...

Smoky and Tower.

Yeah, you were out by Seven Hills Movie Theater, right?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Like further down from Seven Hills.

But yeah, Seven Hills.

And then, but we would go to the Man Chinese.

That was a good one.

That was like new.

Grandview High School is new.

Yeah.

But yeah, that whole area.

My class was the first class to graduate from Grandview High School.

I could have been the first class at Grandview.

I knew a lot of people that went there.

Really?

I went to, because I went to, when I moved to Colorado, I went to Falcon Creek because it had just opened.

Yeah.

And then I went to Grandview, but I went to summer school at Horizon.

Horizon Middle School?

Yeah.

Guess who did summer?

No, I did summer school at Thunder Ridge.

That's also good.

Yeah.

That's also good.

So I did a lot of summer school.

Man, me too.

Summer school was the best.

I almost failed seventh and eighth grade.

I was a fucking

kid.

Summer school had all the ESL kids that somehow disappeared by the time school started.

I remember this,

dude, my stepdad, my old stepdad, Nick, built my mom this 1970 MGB.

He like built it.

And then he had a friend that did body work or whatever.

So he like built the engine and shit.

That's pretty cool.

He was awesome.

He like built it in our garage.

Whoa.

Did you like take anything from that?

Did you, do you know about?

Dude, this is how dumb I am.

I stayed inside playing with action figures.

I could have learned how to build an engine.

Yeah.

Dude, my stepdad, Nick, was like literally, he fixed a truck, he built a dirt bike, and he built a 1970 MGB.

And I learned new.

And you were just like recreating SummerSlam.

Yeah.

Dude, I was slouched.

I was like, sorry, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are going through some stuff.

And so he built this MGB, and then my mom and him got divorced and like my mom kept a car, but it was like a nice little red MGB.

Yeah.

And my mom's dickhead boyfriend was picking me up at summer school.

And I remember the hot girl in summer school was like, here comes my ride.

And it was the only time in my life I felt cool.

I could actually go, actually, no, it's my ride.

Yeah.

And she was like, no, yeah.

I was like, by Vanessa.

Also, who was her ride?

Like, some

20-year-old dude who still went to Eagle Crest?

Yeah, where he's like, what's up?

He's at ACC.

He's at Aurora Community.

He's like, what's up, babe?

Get in.

Man, I remember pretending I was going to go to Aurora Community or Arapaho Community Aurora.

Arapaho was the one you were going to do.

Like when they, because you had to, like, I remember senior year, you had to pretend like you were going to go to college still.

Yeah.

And everybody's like, I'm going to CSU.

And I was like, I'll probably go to Arapaho.

You know what I mean?

Work, get some classes under my

money, get my grades up.

I'll see you guys at CU in two fucking years, though.

Go Rams.

Yo, come up with Wayne.

Can't wait, baby.

I wanted to get out.

So I moved to Arizona.

I went to U of A.

So I did.

Smart.

I just knew.

Colorado after high school, that like 17 to 22, because I left when I was 22.

That's a treacherous time.

Well, if you're not going to college, that's a treacherous time.

I was not.

Yeah, you could.

I was not caught at gas stations I worked at.

Like, oh, man.

Yeah, I'm not good.

I was always worried.

The thing I love about Colorado is I could have.

I could.

Could have seen myself living there my whole life.

I live in Colorado right now.

I didn't even realize you moved back.

Yeah, don't tell anybody.

anybody

with your hairless cat come on man pussy everywhere cat pussy out all day i got cat pussy falling out of my pocket i got pussy on pussy in my house is it weird to touch a hairless cat does it feel like like uh like thigh skin yeah it feels too much like you yeah you're like oh

touching a like a hot body like if it's like sleeping and she gets up it's like retractable Does she get goose skin ever?

Like goosebumps?

I haven't seen.

We've only had her for like a month.

She's a baby.

Yeah, but like she gets cold.

She gets cold and she gets up like you got to like tuck her into shit.

Really?

Yeah, she's got fur.

Yeah, so she just like still wants to bury in.

But yeah, you can't see her pussy and that's weird.

And also, but here's my question.

Just because I feel like most animals are cuddly because they're furry.

Right.

And they got hair.

Right.

So when they don't have hair, when you're cuddling it with it, doesn't it just feel like you're like holding someone's arm?

It feels, that's the gross part about it.

Like,

it

feels like there's someone with you because it'll be up on your neck and shit.

You know what I mean?

So it's like, yeah, did you have to get used to that?

Yeah, I don't like it still.

I like her.

Yeah.

So I tolerate it, but it feels bad.

Like putting it on there, I'd be like,

but she's so funny.

But then she'll want to like, here's what this is gross.

She'll like try to like nuzzle.

on you but it feels like a woman engaging you're like baby yeah baby

chill baby

It's like, yeah, so I don't like her in the in the bed bed.

The only way I would get a hairless cat is if I would name it after someone who famously has alopecia, like Charlie Villanueva.

Oh, that's that's like sweet.

Like give it a shout out.

Yeah, I'd be like, hey, this is my cat, Villanueva.

I like that, but we named her grandma.

Grandma's a good one, though.

It just feels like she feels old.

Yeah.

And she, like, is like, you have to wash her all the time.

Do you have to wash her all the time?

Every week.

Really?

Once a week, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Does she hate water like other cats?

She, oh man, I had to look up like wiki how how to wash this bitch so i like i had how to wash this bitch is such a funny thing i had to look up how to wash this bitch bro but wiki how is like too it's like it was too nice so it was like it was like set the mood so i fucking it was i felt like i was gonna fuck the cat like i put her in the other room and i like yeah bro i prepared the water and i like i put it because you got to put a towel down in the bottom of the sink because so she doesn't like

scratch away you know what i mean yeah so she gets settled she did all of her nails she we clipped them down a little bit okay but then like i and they were like put on relaxing movie music so i put on pm dawn which is yeah dude but then you're like i think i'm gonna fuck this cat am i about to really get some cat pussy i think i'm about to get late yeah like i'm like making sure my my girl isn't there yeah you go all right i'll be right back yeah you walk in the room you go

i lock the door and also like this is the weirdest part was i knew she was gonna fight so i took off my shirt that's so funny But then I'm like worried.

That's how you get it.

Yeah, but then I'm worried my girl's gonna come home and I just like it's just like a strange

David.

What are you doing?

I'm like, I swear to God.

No, no, no, shut up.

I just had to wash your pussy.

It is weird to wash your pussy.

You have to wash your pussy.

You have to wash the cat, but like I'm...

I've never washed my dog.

Really?

I mean, we take her to a groomer.

It's because she's got hair, though.

That's what I mean.

You gotta like, if I'm paying for other people.

What happens if you don't wash your cat?

I think that it gets like gross in the folds folds and shit.

Because it's like, uh, folds, man.

So this is actually like a high-maintenance cat.

It that, the washing is, but everything else, she's pretty like, she just like relaxes.

She goes and hangs out by the vent in the kitchen.

Yeah.

She's not like, she doesn't do much, but yeah, you gotta wash it.

Do you have other cats?

I have one other.

We have one other cat.

I inherited all these animals.

I'm not like a weird cat man.

No, no, no.

You can't be a loose man with cats.

Cat man is.

That's a bad.

That's a tricky place to be.

It's not a tricky place.

It's a bad place to be.

You're going through something.

Nah, man.

You're a dog guy.

You're a regular guy.

You're a guy.

You're a knockaround fella.

Come on.

I like pussy.

I got a dog.

I got a bunch of dogs.

You want to have some sex?

I got a dog.

Yeah, I got pizza and beer.

A fucking cat.

You're like, what are you into?

Yeah.

You're a cat guy.

You're like, I ain't playing settlers of containers.

You're like, do you want to look at my book collection?

Yeah.

Grandma gave me all her stamps.

Yeah.

You want to see my old stamps?

How does your other cat like the hairless old?

She doesn't like it at all.

Well, she's getting used to it.

The first, because we have a dog too.

It sounds like we're crazy.

Yeah.

It's just.

Just three animals.

That's normal.

You live in Colorado.

You got a backyard.

Yeah, you got to have three dogs or three animals.

The other cat didn't like it at first, so she would like hiss and she'd be fucking with it all the time.

But then like, I think probably after like a week, she started tolerating it now it's been like three weeks so she's like they can they can be in the in rooms together that's got to be wild though to be like a cat you get you establish with the dog yeah all right i see this dog and then just a hairless like it's like a new thing yeah she's like what the it's like

it's like i feel like how the natives felt when the white man came here yeah do you know that but i guess my i guess the hairless is the native no no no um in this book that I read about Red Cloud called The Heart of Everything That Is, or it might have been the one about the end of the Comanches, they talked about Native Americans don't have,

they don't go bald.

Like, if you're pure Native American.

It sounds like they have an extra muscle in their thigh.

Yeah.

This event gets me canceled.

There's certainly out here fucking lying about Native Americans.

No, they don't have the gene for baldness.

They don't have...

Are they the only ones who don't?

I don't know about that, but i do and this that's what this book said

and they the first time they saw baldness were white settlers and because of like urine peanut noses and they would call them bird men because they said they look like vultures because they had like long pointy nose and their hair was bald wow so they would look like almost like a vulture i will say which wasn't that far off and maybe this is crazy white people look more like birds than any other people yeah we are the most bird-like For sure.

I can't even.

I'm trying to think of...

Avian Brotherhood.

Avian 8.

Yeah, dude.

Avian.

We're avian whites.

Yeah.

We're avian Saxon.

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, dude.

I think whites are the most bird-like looking.

They're birded.

Yeah, dude.

That's got to be fucking wild to see someone and be like, what are you doing, birdman?

I bet it sucks.

And they had weird clothes on.

Oh, yeah, like stuffy over their neck.

Everything about that.

And then they got this loud.

I mean, but that's got to be crazy.

When they show up with weapons that never

the

we're really cracking the code here what it would have been like growing growing

shocked for the natives i tried yeah it probably wasn't that cool for them yeah but they had a bad time man did you have to go were you in elementary school in colorado no i got there in junior high school okay i but i took the c-saps in junior high school is that what you're gonna ask no i was gonna say we took um

a field trip to a reservation in in elementary school.

Really?

Which to me, I was trying to to talk to people about because i'm like it's

wild because

i mean i i went to elementary school in washington state though so there was a lot of yeah

a lot of that stuff i remember whoa now that i think about it they built it on one of my because i went to a bunch of schools one of my elementary schools they did build uh

a teepee No,

a TP would be more normal.

It was like the whole lodge, like it was big.

Really?

What is it?

It started with a P,

like a powwow

i don't know i can't he'll look it up we'll figure out that's good that's why you have pretty yeah yeah that's why he's one of the best he'll look it up i think they built an elbow elbow yeah when i was when i was in like fourth or fifth grade we like took a trip out to a reservation and they like showed us how they built a teepee they showed us like their dances did they show like fireworks no or or cheap cigarettes we didn't get either of those but then at the end the thing i always remember was we got on a bus, but there were like Native American kids there that were like our audience and we were just like weird.

All right,

we're going to

I think we're going to the land your grandpa was on, so yeah, go nuggets

getting on a bus and like leaving.

Where was it?

I don't even know where

it was like a little far way out.

You know, Aurora, I don't know where we drove out.

Was it a wigwam?

It was, it was P.O.,

Powat.

Pows.

I don't know.

We'll figure it out.

There's someone yelling at this podcast right now.

Yeah, they're so mad.

Yeah, that's this is.

Listen, I don't know.

I saw a funny tweet where someone said the closest I'll ever feel to a ghost is listening to a podcast and know what they're talking about and they can't hear me because they're just like screaming at a podcast.

I bet that sucks.

I don't really listen to podcasts.

I usually listen to the only, I listen to one podcast.

Last podcast on the left.

Oh, they're funny.

Yeah, they're funny.

I know.

I like their stuff.

it's like about serial killers and aliens and i i'll listen sometimes i'll listen if like a friend of mine is on like i listen to sam on here oh yeah like that

we were colorado and off yeah you guys were getting deep and i like that i'll do but yeah i don't really yeah yeah dude it's funny because when you're when you're getting too much i notice when i get too much into wrestling or colorado i have to catch myself colorado's so unrelatable yeah it's just a but coming over i was thinking of all these things i wanted to ask you about Colorado.

Yeah.

But then I'm like, I don't think it's like...

Cares.

Okay, here's a thing about Aurora that always used to piss me off that I always wonder about.

You notice how everybody pretended like they weren't from there.

Oh, they'd always say like, oh, I'm from.

I'm from, I'm not from here.

I'm from, I was supposed to go to Hinkley.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Or like, my family's from Cal.

Like, it's like a lot of first-generation

fucked up people.

Like, we used to be fucked up and then we got a house in Aurora.

That's what Aurora is that's like the definition starter it's a starter house it's a starter place so a lot of first generation gang members too is what i remember guys who were like i'm a crip but they didn't have any other crip friends no affiliation they would just hang out regular yeah but then they were a crip because they were a crip in whatever place they moved from when they were seven yeah by the way you went to meadow point we all remember i think what we're finding out is there's a lot of child liars in aurora yeah that's what it is So many

well because Aurora wasn't, it was it was not as you know, it's like it's a like a low, not low income, but it's middle class.

It was like lower middle classes, whatever it is.

But then south was nice.

Yeah, like south was middle.

It was like the line, right?

Because there was like all those new houses that were so, so big.

Like Piney Creek and shit.

Yeah, yeah.

That's right.

I mean, I went to Smokey Hill, so that's right.

Right, but then on the other side of Smoky Hill Road, those houses are little or like Mission Vieo and stuff.

That's why.

Okay, yeah.

So those houses.

That's real.

But that's not like the same as over there.

They were like...

Mission VAO was nice.

Colin Quinn nailed it.

One of the first times I ever met Colin Quinn,

I was on the phone.

Me and Bobby were, I was opening for Bobby Kelly.

We were driving somewhere, and Colin was on the phone.

And Bobby was like, say hi to my opener, Dan, or whatever.

And he's like, hello, Dan.

He's like, Dan, where you from?

I'm like, Aurora, Colorado.

And he goes, oh, yeah.

It was an affluent suburb in the 70s, then Decayed in the 80s and 90s.

And I was like, that's exactly it that's really it fucking colin quinn nailed it that's that's exactly

it is like all the houses you grew up you want to like smoke weed in a big house and then get in a fight in a parking lot it's 100 that's like exactly and my i grew up in mission viejo and it was clear those houses were all designed in the 70s yeah but it was a pretty neighborhood it was great mission is a pretty neighborhood so we had a green belt we had a fucking good school good park yeah shit would go down at the park the park man

At Alicia Park, some shit would, it's still there.

It's nice or whatever.

But there were like, I knew a ton of fights that happened there.

A couple fucking shootings happened there.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

There were weird kids with guns

because everybody has guns.

So it wasn't like.

It's not like they were at-risk youth as much.

It's just, there's so many guns, something's going to happen.

Here's the thing about, and I think a lot of people outside of Colorado can identify with this.

When you grow up in a middle-class suburb, there's an amount of boredom that leads to crime.

It's not like inner cities where crime is like, yeah.

Or like, you just, because they want to be tough.

They want to be, I'm a crip.

No, you're not.

You're a Philly kid.

And there were all kids who came from other places.

Apparently.

So there were like, so there were, there were a few kids, like tough kids on the perimeter.

Yeah.

And I think they shepherded the stupid tough kids.

That's exactly.

And then now you got, now you got two real tough kids, 10 wannabe tough kids who will stab you.

Who will do the thing to impress?

It's that Chappelle joke where he says, you see a group of black guys, you see that white guy walking around.

That's the most dangerous motherfucker in the group.

And that's the kid who's from Aurora.

I don't fucking do anything.

I don't give a shit.

Dude, I used to watch.

I'm just all I need is rims on my Acura.

Oh, my God.

And I'm smoking a Newport with me and my Pitbull.

And we're walking down the street in my Jankos.

My buddy from Aurora has a tattoo on his back of a pit bull

with

red smoke coming out of his snow.

That is kind of sick, though.

Yeah, man.

It's fucking awesome.

I don't know what it is about me, but I'm like, it's fucking awesome.

It's because you're Aurora trash.

Where I'm like, dude, that guy definitely.

I got my, I have two bad tattoos.

I got this one covered up by my friend Keith, so it's not bad anymore.

But I got my tattoos in Aurora by the old on Isliff in Chambers.

There was a place called the Tattoo Shop.

Yeah, I know, right where you're at, where you're at.

By like NYX Flowery or whatever.

There was like a place called the Tattoo Shop.

And I was 16 and I got, that's where I got my first tattoo.

my friend

so my friend Jarelle his dad did tattoos and a bunch of my friends got underage tattoos in Jarell's garage that's awesome

I got caught I got caught cuz I had a I bought um this is like uh 1999 right so I got a fake ID my friend uh My friend was like telling me about fake IDs online.

First off, my friend Joel got like a real fake ID.

He got his brother's birth certificate and went to the DMV and got an ID card.

What a smart guy.

And so it was his picture.

Yeah.

And he bought a cigarettes and porn.

So we go to Newsland on ILF and Chambers.

There's no more of that.

Newsland, what a weird fucking store.

I love it.

Because they had porno in there.

A lot of them.

And then a bunch of magazines.

Books.

And a bunch of people pretending like they went in there for stuff other than porno.

They would sell magazines.

It was like a magazine.

It was a magazine store.

But they had a huge section of VHS porn.

And so what I would do is is Joel would, we would go to Newsland, right?

And then I would go and I'd wait till the guy wasn't looking.

And then I would go into the porn section and then like find the porn and then like find the mile marker.

You know, to be like, all right, third row in, splat on my rack too.

Okay.

So like I put it on the front.

I would like, I would like tip it over.

Oh, it's like.

And then I would go out and Joel would be there and I'd be like, go in there to the left.

It's tipped over.

And then he would buy it.

That's like a beautiful secret code, though.

Yeah, you guys are like Jews finding each other

And he would buy porn for us and then we would like the funniest I've said this before the funniest part was like he would buy us porn and then he'd like drive us home and he'd be like so what do you guys want to do and you'd be like I'm just gonna go home Yeah, what do you think I'm gonna do?

You just bought me porn, dude.

I'm gonna punish myself.

Yeah, I'm gonna rip the skin off my cop.

Yeah.

But we.

I'm about to go hammer.

Yeah.

My mom doesn't get home from Aetna till like seven.

I'm fucking going to punish my penis.

So

I fucking, I found out if I went online in 1999, there was this website that sold prank IDs.

So you had to, if you sent them a

passport photo,

you could

get a like, oh, a gag ID.

So, my fake ID, I use my mom's maiden name, right?

Which is, you know, which is, and I was like, oh, so I had that was my fake ID.

And then I went to go to the tattoo shop on Isle of In Chambers, and the guy's like, what do you want on your back?

And it was my, for my dad and my sister after they died.

I was like, I want to do a cross.

It's a bad tattoo with

a banner with their name on it.

And they go, what name?

And I go, Soder.

And the guy goes, I want my last name, Soder.

And he goes, what?

Because he like saw my ID.

And I was like, I mean,

that's, he, like, he didn't care.

He was like, whatever, dude.

I mean, you were also clearly a boy.

Dude, I was a clearly.

Like, I looked, I looked, I was 16.

I looked 14.

Yeah, this man is not in the business.

He brought him a piece of paper.

I gave him pieces.

He's an artist.

You wanted ink?

He got you ink.

Dude, I got a tattoo, then got ice cream next door at the Dairy Queen.

I literally got

a child's treat for a tattoo.

I was like, I want to blurt.

No, it's not a fucking pussy.

Man, chat.

But that's pretty cool that you had a tattoo underage.

Those were always the coolest kids.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it was a bad tattoo, but I did think I was pretty fucking.

It is cool.

I was like, when did you show it off?

How long until you got to show it off?

I think I would do it when I was.

It was back, so you had to go to the pool or something.

Piney Creek Pool.

There we go.

And I would go in and I'd be like, man, swimming in pussy that day.

No, never.

But

I have puffy nipples, so I'd have to tickle my sides to make them small so I I looked more real.

No, I'm not familiar with what you're talking about.

I have like puffy nipples.

Okay.

So like just normally they're like pretty puffy, but then if I like, if I get cold or something, they get really tiny.

And I, that's my running joke with Katie.

I'm always like, God, I look jacked when my nipples are small.

Because my nipples get like real tiny.

But you have to, you could tickle it.

Yeah.

I go, so I would be like at Piney Creek.

I'd be at Piney Creek.

Oh, this is the best.

Yeah.

I'd be at Piney Creek Pool, right?

Just like tickling your cup.

Dude,

my best friend, Garapay, would be like in the pool.

He'd be like, soda's tickling his nipples.

And I'd be like, shut up.

Then I bust it out and have the tattoo on my back.

And I'd be like, sorry, I'm a fucking man.

Cool.

Tickle the nips, dick the nips, and then get the fucking tat out.

That's pretty cool.

But I could buy alcohol with that fake ID.

That's also exciting.

That got huge in high school.

That was like...

That was huge.

Buying alcohol in high school is like the...

A lot of people became my friends that didn't like me.

Yeah.

Because they wanted booze.

Yeah, I get that, though.

That's were you buying like 40 out?

What were you drinking?

Oh, I was buying beer, bottles of liquor, a lot of Gold Schlager.

People love it.

Man, I drank Gold Schlager.

Man, I passed it through.

Aftershock?

Aftershock was what I was going to say.

Because

it's for kids.

It's for kids.

It's blue.

Aftershock.

Edit a picture of an aftershock under this right now.

And it has that weird.

That's only for kids.

That weird glassy bottle.

Yeah, there's just a shit.

And it looks like

you know it's going to be sweet.

And then

a couple of my friends loved puckers.

Ah, puckers was huge.

Yeah, puckers was fucking huge.

Puckers was one of those ones I would pretend like, oh, there's only one of my girls.

Oh, look, I'm drinking puckers like a little girl.

And then just get shit out.

Green apple puckers and just get absolutely blacked out.

I remember being in a park in Aurora and just drinking Parrot Bay and Root Beer.

Thinking I was

growing up.

Coconut rum.

Oh, my God.

Parrot Bay.

I haven't thought about Parrot Bay.

That was since fucking high school.

It's for kids.

So I would buy the booze.

Like people would be like...

Oh, Soda is the best.

He's got a tattoo.

God, dude, I was over here.

Huge nipples, but he buys booze.

Puffy nipples, unless he tickles his side, and then we're like, yeah, he looks pretty jacked.

And then I would buy, so I would always buy booze at

Quincy and Chambers.

There was like a Diamond Shamrock gas station, and then there was a liquor store right there, like on that mini mall.

That's where I used to get my hair cut and I'd buy booze.

So I bought booze from this guy from literally sophomore year till my

fucking freshman year of college, like through my sophomore year of college.

Because I wasn't 21.

I would come home.

Same guy.

Dude, I turned 21.

And

my mom lives down off Parker Road.

That's where she like retired.

Like she lives in a townhouse off Parker Road.

I don't want to give an exact look.

I know, but

there's a lot of townhouses off.

A lot of townhouses in Parker Road.

I fell out of an apartment on Parker Road, probably near your mom's townhouse.

Where at Parker Road?

Like

past Emerald.

Also,

Emerald Isle.

Past Emerald Isle.

R.I.P.

It closed.

No way.

Emerald Isle.

When?

Like my mom tech.

That was my first job.

I was a busboy at Emerald Isle.

Okay, so it was like right down.

So Emerald Isle is here.

You know, you go further down and there's a Conico?

Yeah.

And there's the apartment complex across the street from there?

Yes.

Like, and there's like that open space where people go and they take their dogs and shit like that.

Yeah, the dog, that's the dog park.

Yeah, I was in that apartment complex when I was 18,

probably.

Yeah.

Drinking in an apartment where there was no furniture except for folding chairs,

a keg in the tub, and Madden.

This sounds like the best hang of all time.

It was a good day, and we were smoking weed and we were hanging out.

And

we go out to the porch to smoke a cigarette because we don't smoke cigarettes that's crust you smoke weed disgusting yeah you smoke blunts yeah you smoke swisher sweet blunts inside so we go out and uh we're smoking a cigarette and this kid comes out and he's like cops inside no joke and I was like yeah right and I look inside and I see this the black pants with the stripes and it's me my friend and this kid that we don't really know that well and the kid we don't know that well doesn't even say anything he just climbs over the balcony hangs down drops to the second floor, hangs down that, and is boom.

Never seen that, never seen that.

That's the old Aurora getaway.

Never seen that dude again in my life.

He did it so fucking fast.

And then my friend is like, you're gonna have to do this.

And I was like, because I had already lived in Elizabeth at the time.

So I was like, I'm like 50 miles away from my fucking house.

I'm high as shit.

The cops are, I'm gonna, my mom's gonna kill me.

Yeah, you're gonna get a consumption ticket.

I'm gonna die, right?

So my friend does it, and he's now he's down, uh, he's down waiting for me in the bushes.

And I'm like, all right, all right.

This is lock it in.

Lock it the fuck you.

Were you like hyping yourself up?

I was so scared.

Did you feel like they were gonna come through the door?

I thought they were gonna come and they were gonna kill me.

Yeah.

And not, I just was like, because like when I was in Aurora, it's just really easy to get gassed up like you're actually doing something bad.

Yeah, you're not.

So I was like, I'm a criminal.

I'm a criminal.

I'm in a drug den.

Yeah.

I'm basically a fugitive.

They want me.

Yeah.

They're trying to take me to prison.

I got to go.

So

we're on the third story, right?

So I'm hanging.

I get, I climb over the thing.

And now I'm like, my arms are dangling, right?

And I'm just like, I'm like, I'm going to swing my legs in and drop in because that's how I saw the other guys do it, right?

I swing my legs in.

I drop.

My big fat ass gets caught on the rail and I fall down like this.

Like head first down?

yeah but I landed all like kind of on my shoulder back sort of situation I lost the wind and I was like

and I rolled behind you know they have the big the big AC cooling yeah

I rolled behind that until the heat was gone and then I got up and walked over and my friend came around the corner he had waited for me good guy good Aurora guy good guy he waited for me and then this is this is how dumb kids are he came and got got me and we went into his car and then for some reason we were like

we were like the heat we got to get off the street like the heat's on we gotta get off the street so we went to the man chinese shout out and like went into pirates of the caribbean love it and just sat there and like cooled off cooled off

i think the streets are so the heat was yeah we can get to the shit it was it's cool now yeah well yeah we could go to fucking old chicago yeah hide in the booth i can get out back maybe that app apple bee.

That is money.

Man Chinese attracted people from all over because it was on Parker and around.

It is still on a Parker and Iraq.

It was like, and it was kind of new at the time, right?

There was a new Kohl's.

That was my Kohl's.

That was a good Kohl's.

My oldest Kohl's was the one by

Seven Hills.

Trash Kohl's.

Stop.

Trash Coles.

My buddy Joey lived right by there.

I love that Kohl's.

Chris, we love you.

Come on, man.

You know it was a superior Kohl's.

That Kohl's had it all.

Nah, I love the one on fucking Hamden, dude.

You're a snob then.

Scott?

No, I'd stick up for my neighborhood.

I get it, but you don't.

You're getting

Coles.

It was the Hot Cole's.

It was the Hot Cole's.

You could go to the Schlotsky's.

They got a whole lot of people.

You could go to the movies.

It's all happening in there.

Big King Supers.

Come on.

Huge King Supers.

Get a three liter, a pineapple soda.

My friend Diana worked there.

Come on, everybody worked there.

Yeah, Diana worked at King Superspeakers.

That was a cool area.

Yeah.

That was brand new.

Everything was brand new.

A lot of fights in that parking lot.

That Applebee's opened up.

It's gone now.

But that Applebee's, but my crush in high school worked at that Applebee's as a hostess.

Dude, driving by there, my heart's still, don't tell Katie.

My heart still flutters when I go by that.

I go,

Isn't there a Chevy's there now?

Stephanie Holmes used to work there.

Damn, Stephanie Holmes.

She was a year older.

What's she up to?

I don't think she's a military wife.

Okay.

She ever seen your tattoo?

No.

She wanted, she wanted zero to do with me.

No.

Do you remember Hollywood Legends?

Is that a club?

Yeah.

Is that the 18 and Up Club?

Yes.

That's exactly what it is.

That's exactly what it is.

First of all, what an ambitious name for a teen club.

In the middle of Denver.

What kind of a goddamn, I'm going to say it, pedophile opens a teen club in the middle of the public.

Well, that was

a regular club, but they had a lot of fun.

Oh, they had...

I see, because I remember more Rock Island.

Rock Island had the fucking...

I remember Rock Island.

And Club bash also club bash but hollywood legends was the big when we had like a monday off for like a holiday sundays would be teen night so if you were 16 to 20 right you could get into hollywood legends which basically which means it's teenagers and adults who are those 20 year olds gross motherfuckers who's those guys at the top end at hollywood legends but dude i

We would go to Hollywood Legends and it was like trying to get into a real club.

Right.

Dude, this is, I fucking, fucking, I've never been, I've never been in a point in a conversation on my podcast where I can tell this story with someone that knows the background.

But one time we were trying to go to, um, we were trying to go to Hollywood Legends, right?

Right.

And it was me, my friend Adam, Mike McDaniel, shout out, shout out, go Dolphins, um,

and our friend Paul, right?

And Adam had a license.

I was 15.

Okay.

Adam had his license.

Hollywood Legends, you could get in if you showed them your school ID because they they thought anybody that was a sophomore was 16.

So that's good because if you had the permit, it was vertical, remember?

So if you fucking gave them your school ID, they'd be like, all right, you're 16.

You can get in here.

So we're all trying to get in.

Great system.

Great system.

Great system.

Great system.

So everybody gets in.

Mike and Adam were like...

They knew people there.

Paul and I were like those second tier friends.

Yeah, they were cool.

And then they're like, they got in because their friend Casey got them in.

But me and Paul were like, they're like dude you can't get in and the guy's like we're not letting anyone else in and we're like fuck what do we do and Adam's like yo chill in my car just chill in my car and hang out and then we'll come out I was like smoking cigarettes back then so I was like

so dude we're just chilling in this it's like a giant dodge like a like a real big fucking right

almost like a bronco like an old school bronco I forget what it like what kind of car it was but we're chilling there and I was like yo, fuck this man.

They're going to go to the club.

You want to go see a movie?

And he's like, yeah.

I didn't know of any other movie theaters except Chinese Man

and Seven Hills.

Yeah.

And we're in Denver.

Yeah, you're way in Denver.

Never drove before.

I drive Adam's mom's car from Hollywood Legends to Chinese Man.

And we watched a movie and drove back to Denver and picked up Adam and Mike.

And Paul was like, dude, Adam's going to freak out when you find out you drove his mom's car.

And I was like, fuck that.

They shouldn't have left us in the parking lot.

Yeah.

Man.

I drove on 225.

I drove on 25 and 225.

Also, they were just going to let you

leave you in there.

That's what I mean.

What am I?

A dog with the windows rolling?

Yeah, fuck that.

Fuck that.

You got to go get some schlotskies.

Dude, we got to.

The American Pie 2.

Yes.

Yes.

And fucking, and then we'll be back to the club.

And then we'll be back to the club because we're still boys.

We're still going to pick you up.

Yeah, we're going to leave you hanging.

So, dude, we drove all the way back.

But that's a long fucking drive.

Yeah, that's a that's.

I think it's off fed.

Is it off federal?

It doesn't make any sense.

No.

It doesn't make any sense.

It doesn't make any sense.

But my high school crush, one time we got in for a teen night and Stephanie Holmes was there.

And I was like, I'm going to dance with her.

And someone was like.

What were the hits?

She was dancing with somebody.

I know exactly what it was.

I know you know exactly what it was.

It was that Aaliyah song with Timberland.

Ah!

Oh, are you that somebody?

That's somebody.

I'm not just anybody.

Baby girl.

Yeah.

But it knows Ali.

I'm a very good girl.

Yeah, that's a good song.

She was like hot and dancing and stuff.

And you were just rocked rocked.

i was just kong he could have ran through a brick wall

and this is the thing this is the the most embarrassing thing is she was like dancing with men like there's like men that are and she's like a hot Latino girl yeah she's like good dancer she was I think on the dance team or something she was like dancing and then I went up behind her and I was like can I dance with you and she was like yeah

and then later and then the next week at school she told my friend Ann, she was like, yeah, your friend Dan, like, asked to dance with me at a club.

And I was like, fuck.

Fuck.

That's that.

I mean, what?

You didn't know, man.

You didn't know, dude.

I'm Rock Island.

It comes for us all.

I mean, dude, I wasn't a Hollywood legend that night.

You were not a Hollywood legend.

I was not a Hollywood legend that night, dude.

I hope everybody who read teen clubs went to jail.

Right, we gotta get them the fuck out of here.

Let's start doing some digging.

Yeah, because those motherfuckers were literally giving child brides dog.

I'm not one of those guys, but lock them up.

One of my friends, one of my other friends that would go to the club with us, right?

Right.

That we'd like to meet him there.

There was a 19-year-old girl there that was like famous.

Her name was Jiggles.

And she

get over a cold.

Whatever she had to do to earn that name by the age of 19 is dark as shit.

God damn it.

And it was back in the day, so it wasn't even social media fans.

She was jiggles on the street.

Like, like that was, you know what I'm saying?

Like, she had to put in work and people around town knew jiggles.

Jiggles.

If any of my friends are watching this right now, I hope they're punching their desk laughing because they're like, 100% that was real.

And if Jiggles is watching reach out let us know you're okay please be okay please i bet jiggles is cleaning up on only fans i would tell you right now i would put money down that she's dead

i would put money down i would put money down

i'm putting money down it's 25 years ago i'm putting money down that jiggles no longer walks this earth gone for gone but not forgotten the jiggle stopped you need to get some kind of a some kind of jiggles member of your oh my god dude get like a tassel up here but you know what's funny is she was like

shingles is crazy.

She was clearly like, I wouldn't be surprised if she worked at Shotgun Willies or Centerfolds.

Man, Center Folds.

Fully nude.

Fuck, you were from Colorado.

Centerfolds.

Fully nude.

Fully nude.

Juice bar.

Technically.

You couldn't buy alcohol because it showed pussy.

Yeah.

So you showed pussy.

So you had to buy like a Coors Cutter.

Dog, I got kicked out of Center Folds for drinking in the bathroom when I was like 19.

And all my friends, I got kicked out of Center Folds because

I snuck it in in my pants and they came in the bathroom and I'm like, oh, just like Kentucky deluxe or some dumb shit.

I love it, dude.

And they brought, they were like, you can't, you got to go.

And my friends are, you know, 19, like think they can have sex with strippers.

So they're not coming to give you.

You're going to ruin my chance.

Dog,

I puked all.

I puked all over the ground out front of the center fold.

That's awesome.

And the bouncer didn't give a fuck.

And I just had to sit there until my friends were done.

My friends did.

Because we went because a girl from our high school was stripping there my my friend's dad did the accounting for center folds wow he used to get us kind of hooked up when we go in there i was at center folds one time when the lights went out and they uh it wasn't even a snowstorm something happened the lights went out and they brought out all these candles that's kind of sexy and people started singing and they played twister until the lights came on that's a fun little little snowden yeah guys we got it we're gonna make the night ourselves yeah it was i i was yeah i was in center folds a lot.

Yeah.

A lot of times.

But Jiggles was like a Hollywood legend.

She was a Hollywood legend.

She was the Hollywood legend.

Jiggles was the Hollywood legend.

Oh, no.

What is she?

How did...

I don't know, but

a guy I knew hooked up with her.

And we were all like, we like sat around him like asking the tales.

I was like, dude, what?

You got the...

That was like the highest rung on the mountain.

Yeah, I mean, you know, he probably had like a Mitsubishi eclipse or something cool right dude everyone had an eclipse that was the coolest card he could get i had a dodge stratus hey man we're all just trying not everybody could be a hollywood legend dude no

it's so fucking funny dude we can't all be a hollywood legend

holy shit i'm so glad to tell because i'm glad to hear it that that what a weird that's a bad time in life that was a weird time frequenting the teen club or centerfolds because centerfolds to me was so weird because it's a juice bar so it's just like it's us and sad men yes like horny dudes

yeah horny like uncontrollably horny guys where they're like i have to go like shotgun willie's is a strip club it's yeah shotgun willies

that's where john morant that's where john morant where that happened with the gun yeah that was a shotgun

dog i I mean, I guess really?

I know a girl who was there.

Like,

my friend's girl,

she said they were like, I guess those guys, she was like, those guys are lame.

They just had their shirts off, but they were like, she said they're like videotaping each other.

That's so gay.

We found out one of my,

when I played high school football, one of our football coaches' wife's

wife danced at Shotgun Willie's.

That's the coolest shit in the world.

And when I was a sophomore,

he was like a young coach.

Yeah.

His wife danced at Shotgun Willie's.

And one of the seniors, this guy Tony, like had a fake ID and went to Shotgun Willie's and then like got into it with the coach and he's like, She had a tattoo on her.

And he was like, Yeah, tell Tigger, I said, like a Tigger tattoo for Winnie the Pooh.

And he was like, Tell Tigger, I said, what's up?

And the coach was like, what the fuck?

It was wild.

But also,

that's the coolest guy I've ever heard of in my fucking life.

Are you kidding me?

Don't let it do a football coach?

Dude, that motherfucker was tough.

That kid's nasty.

I don't know if I want to say his whole name, but I hope he's, he's, dude.

He's not.

I think his name was tony cicero i i bet he met i bet he married jiggles i bet you i don't know man but he had he had calves he was like a guy he was a man let me tell you right now for football players in the late 90s he looked when i was a sophomore he was a senior he looked the coolest he had the neck roll under the jersey oh yeah and he had the derrick thomas face mask where it was like that little bar but it was like small on the jaw how did he wear the neck roll was it like mike all stot wearing

that exactly mike all stott's look okay yeah yeah yeah yeah that was a good ass calves that was a good and he was talking shit to the coaches where i was like this guy's the fucking man that coach thinks that guy kid fucked his wife dude could you imagine that like you're just trying to give back to your community and some kids like i fucked your wife and you'd be like i'll fucking kill you i bet he went home and went ape shit oh my god like how the fuck what did i say

what did i say jessica you cover up that tattoo i didn't fucking marry some centerfold slut yeah i married a top of standard You quitting tomorrow.

It's not worth the hot tub.

I don't even give a shit about it.

I don't care if we're looking for a fucking townhouse closer to Park Meadows.

I don't give a shit.

We're not moving.

I don't give a fuck about moving though.

That's a cool guy, though.

That's why it was funny with all that stuff about the gangs taking over and stuff.

Yeah.

When I knew it was like media propaganda, was when they would when they would describe Aurora as a sleepy little Colorado town yeah it's

it's not listen North Aurora is fucking tough but South Aurora is this it was suburbs it was just like yeah it's but it was like but it's also suburbs that no one was like jealous you're from there yeah it's also when you're from Aurora you're like yeah but it's also for Colorado it's also more of a melting pot than anywhere else in Colorado right like every all foreigners from Color they come to Aurora so it's affordable yeah so it's like a a fairly diverse mix of people.

Good school system.

Yeah, Cherry Creek, the best schools in the country.

Cherry Creek School.

Some of the best schools in the country.

We had the International Baccalaureate Program at our school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A lot of people conflate it.

Columbine is not there.

It's Littleton.

That is Littleton.

That's not Aurora.

Yeah,

it was a great place to be from.

It's like fun.

Yeah.

It's fun.

I genuinely feel bad for kids that don't get to grow up in that kind of suburban environment because you get to do dumb shit like that.

And it doesn't

have a single where you're gonna fucking go to prison or join a gang and have like real fucking danger.

Some of those kids did go to prison.

I knew a guy, Rory.

Shout out, Rory.

I hope you're out.

Grand Theft Auto.

I knew a couple people that went to prison.

Yeah, a few guys, a few guys that went to prison.

One from stomping a guy out at Alicia Park.

You see?

Yeah, fuck.

Now that's a good thing.

So it's like a couple of people.

Here's the thing about it.

It's like, if you really think about it, it's like what it is, it's like we said, it's lower middle class.

So it's a lot of people who came from kind of tough environments and then they got their first house.

But then there were also straight up rich people.

Because Crossmoke Hill.

Yeah.

There were like very, there was like gated communities.

Yeah, yeah.

So it wasn't.

And further up the hill, like, I don't know when you

what is now the Southlands area.

Yeah, that's huge.

All those houses are huge.

Yeah.

And that's where they built new high schools because Grandview's like old there now.

Yeah, Grandview.

Grandview was the first high school to be built out there with all those big-ass houses.

Right.

And that's, and because Falcon Creek, too, when I went to Falcon Creek, everybody's like, this is a brand new school.

Yeah.

Because Grandview was like the biggest school I went there for a year or half a year.

It's the biggest school I'd ever seen in my life.

When I opened, they got all the hot girls from all the other schools.

Yeah.

Everyone was like, all the hot girls are going to Grandview.

And you're like, I mean, there were so many.

I mean, like, that school was so big.

I remember passing periods were 10 minutes.

And if you had, uh, if you had PE and you had to get to like the other end of the math building, you still might not make it.

And if you said, like, I got PE, the teacher would be like, all right, you're fucking.

Yeah, yeah.

To Detroit airport.

Yeah.

You're like, don't get a layover there.

Yeah, exactly.

Don't get a a layer.

It is like that airport because they also had Chick-fil-A.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

We had Chick-fil-A at Laredo Middle School.

That's cool as shit.

You could buy a fucking Chick-fil-A sandwich when I was in middle school.

Man.

Laredo was one of the good middle schools.

Yeah, I was lucky to go to Laredo.

There were top tier and there were body.

Well, there was a lot of people.

We knew, like, if we were at Seven Hills and there was kids from Horizon,

we knew they'd probably fuck us up.

Yeah, Horizon was like, but it was, that's the most fun school I've ever went to.

Yeah.

Was summer school at Horizon.

It was, it was amazing.

And there was a lot of people.

One of my best friend's dads was the principal there.

Really?

Yeah.

And I used to have soccer practice at Horizon.

The one year I played soccer.

It was at we'd go to Horizon Riddle School all the time.

It was great.

Horizon's a good time.

Shout out, Colorado, dude.

David Borey, Birth of a Nation.

The special's out now on YouTube.

You put it on YouTube.

No, it's not on YouTube.

It's on Patreon.

Go to Patreon.

Buy it.

It is fucking worth it.

He's

Colorado mafia, you know, grew up with San Talent.

This is fucking.

I was when you were like, dude, I'm going to be in town.

I'm glad that you stayed next year.

I am too.

This was awesome.

I'm really.

I'm like, I'm getting over a cold, and I was like ramped up.

I told me and Mike were talking, and I was like, I'm going to cancel everything, but I ain't canceling Bory.

Hell yeah.

I was like, Bory's coming over.

I'm really glad that I got to sit and talk with a Hollywood legend, man.

Yeah.

I wasn't, though.

You weren't.

I knew a Hollywood legend.

All right, sorry.

Shout out to Jiggles.

Yeah, Jiggles, please be alive.

She could be alive.

She might.