069. Yannis Pappas, Mike Finoia, Geo Perez | Thanksgiving

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Speaker 2 What's going on, Story Warriors? If you love Story Wars and you want to be a part of the live audience, come out to the New York Comedy Club every Wednesday night at 7.45 p.m.

Speaker 2 to be a part of the show. Don't be a piece of shit.
Just get your tickets and come. It's fun, fuckface.
New YorkComedy Club.com.

Speaker 2 Hey, Story Warriors, Black Friday sales are here for the rest of the month at storywarsmerch.com. Every item is buy-to-get one free.
Shirts, hoodies, and brand new mugs now available.

Speaker 2 We've got the double points shirts. We got the logo shirts.
Many more coming soon. So if you head on over right now to Story Wars merch, that's Wars with a Z, storywarsmerch.com, get your merch today.

Speaker 2 All right, let's start the show.

Speaker 2 Fill her up.

Speaker 2 You're listening to the Gas Digital Network.

Speaker 2 Ladies and gentlemen, it's Story Wars with the Story Warriors, Big J Okerson, and Louis J. Gomez.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 What is up, New York Comedy Club, the new home of Story Warriors? My name is Big Jay Okerson. That, of course, is Lewis J.
Gomez. Make some fucking noise in here, please, would you?

Speaker 2 I'm very excited. Another sold-out show here every Wednesday night here at the New York Comedy Club.
So, if you guys want to come out, get those tickets in advance because we do sell out every week.

Speaker 2 Everyone seems very excited to be here. What a great crowd, great energy of this crowd.

Speaker 2 People are packed in here like sardines. What a great audience.
What a great night.

Speaker 2 We always ask this at the beginning of every show: how many people here are familiar with the game Story Wars?

Speaker 2 How many people are not familiar with Story Wars?

Speaker 2 More people than you think. There's a decent amount of people here that don't know why they're in this fucking room.
And we don't know why you're here either.

Speaker 2 It's about to be your favorite game you've ever experienced. So,

Speaker 2 what do you say? If you don't understand the show or it's your first time, we'll explain it as soon as we get our esteemed panel of comedic contestants on the stage. Our first contestant, everybody,

Speaker 2 you know, because he's a writer on the Impractical Jokers. He's got a special Don't Let Me Down available right now on YouTube.
Make some noise for my good buddy, the hilarious Mike Finoy.

Speaker 2 Mike Finoya, very happy to have you back on the show. Have you been practicing in your absence? Yes, yes, I have, Lewis.
Great. I've been lying to everyone.

Speaker 2 How are you? The way I live my life. I just lie and stare.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Our second contestant and competitor coming to the show, making his Story Wars debut. You know him from his amazing podcast on the gate right here on the Gas Digital Network.

Speaker 2 Clapping up for Geo Perez.

Speaker 2 Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 Hell yeah, man.

Speaker 2 Last but not least, our final contestant.

Speaker 2 Actually, I'd say at ground level, when this was still just a little routine we would do on Legion of Skanks, this guy was a big supporter, always loved Story Wars.

Speaker 2 From the History Hyenas podcast, and a special property owner available on YouTube, how about some noise for the great Giannis Pappas in the house?

Speaker 2 Hey, gentlemen. Giannis Papas back on the show.
Never won before, but very competitive, loves the game, loves the show. I really shouldn't.

Speaker 2 I should be disqualified from this show. I've lost so many times.
Yeah, I don't belong here. Damn, Giannis.
Me and Yannis go so back far. We go back a long way, man.

Speaker 2 We were both black comedians, young black comedians, man.

Speaker 2 That's right. That's right.
The three of you look like a Beastie Boys cover band.

Speaker 2 That's fucking awesome.

Speaker 2 It's the best thing. Yeah.
I'd be thrilled with it. They look like former rappers from the the 90s who now had to get day jobs.

Speaker 2 I make the gas face when people don't even ask me to. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's the artist-slash-manager of the group. Yes.

Speaker 2 Because I look the most Jewish is what you're saying. Yes, yeah.
That is for sure. Puppets.

Speaker 2 If you are unfamiliar with the game Story Awards, it is your first time listening at home. It's a very, very simple game.

Speaker 2 Everybody on this panel, all five of us, including Lewis and I, have submitted three to five stories on one particular subject. Tonight's subject, Lewis?

Speaker 2 Thanksgiving. Ooh.

Speaker 2 Because

Speaker 2 it is Thanksgiving this week, right, everyone?

Speaker 2 We're all so ready for our families.

Speaker 2 Alex, our lovely producer, is going to read eight of those stories off one at a time. They are going to appear on this screen.
If it is your story, you're the only person who knows that.

Speaker 2 It's your job to fool everybody that it's not your story. If it's not your story, it's your job to guess whose story it is.
Every time you guess a story correctly, you get two points.

Speaker 2 Every time you fool a person on the panel, you get one point. So, when it's your story, you can get up to four points.
It's a very crucial moment when it is your story.

Speaker 2 Once you write your answer on the dry erase board, put the dry erase board in this little slot right here and remove your hand. That is your final answer.
You can't change your answer.

Speaker 2 And I'll tell you right now, this is a ton of fun. Gio, you've never played the game before.
It's a ton of fun.

Speaker 2 All these new people that are making it their first time here to Story Wars, you're gonna have a ton of fun, but we don't play for fun. Jay, let them know what we're playing for.

Speaker 2 Every year here, every year, every week. You're fucked up today, dude.
You're flubbing. No, it's got to be your bowl.

Speaker 2 Every week here at Story Wars, we are competing for a book from the Story Wars library. Tonight's winner takes home Girl Wars, 12 Strategies That Will End Female Bullying by Dr.

Speaker 2 Cheryl Tela Sega and Dr. Sharice Nixon.

Speaker 2 Can we go back in time and give this to my son's mother? Yes.

Speaker 2 Girl Wars dives into the hidden world of girl-on-girl bullying, the gossip, the exclusion, and social sabotage that can destroy confidence and friendship. Oh, I didn't know it was hot.

Speaker 2 Drawing from real stories and years of research, the authors show how these conflicts start, why they spread, and what can be done to stop girls before they turn toxic.

Speaker 2 Damn.

Speaker 2 Girl Wars, everyone. Girl Wars.
Can't wait for the illustrations. I've already read that book while I was locked up in jail.
It's a fucking great read. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 You should just learn how to play the acoustic guitar, bro.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, the topic is Thanksgiving, and Jew's the only one who's been to prison, and he's spent a lot of time there.

Speaker 2 So any story where it's like, I ate a bag of Cheetos on Thanksgiving morning while... Turkey loafing ramen while I got butt-fucked by a guy.

Speaker 2 It was so hard coming up with stories that didn't involve when I was in jail. Yeah.
So hopefully. I thought he was going to say the butt fucked part.

Speaker 2 I've been butt-fucked every Thanksgiving, it turns out.

Speaker 2 I think everybody who gets it is going to get it. Are we ready for war?

Speaker 2 Come on, folks.

Speaker 2 We are sold out.

Speaker 2 I ask again, are we ready for war?

Speaker 2 Donano Nail.

Speaker 2 Without any further ado, Alex, please, story number one.

Speaker 3 Story number one.

Speaker 3 I threw up deer sausage at my ex-girlfriend's family Thanksgiving dinner. I pretended to cough into a napkin and hid it under the table on my lap.
I continued to eat it and continued to gag.

Speaker 2 Deer sausage. Yeah.
I was say, Finoria, you got some deer sausage vibes, my friend. You do.

Speaker 2 I was going to say my first instinct was, Mike, on the deer sausage.

Speaker 2 Mike, you also look like your favorite holiday is Thanksgiving. It's a pretty great holiday.
Yeah. It's a good time for deer sausage.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I think I want to know where he was locked up because that could be like a local meat like,

Speaker 2 you know, contribution. No, you're not allowed to eat sausage in jail.
That's gay.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Deer anyway.
Yeah, no phallic foods, I'd assume, right? Just off the table. You're not even allowed to say sausage.
You just call them AOs.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I sort of got AO sticks.

Speaker 2 Because you know when somebody says something gay, you're like, AO!

Speaker 2 So they call it AOs. If you close your eyes, I'm not listening to surgery.

Speaker 2 You could have taken the AO out and put sausage in there to trick us. Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's playing the game, okay.

Speaker 2 He wrote it in his work voice. Two steps ahead.
Yeah. You wrote in your white voice.

Speaker 2 Deer sausage could have just been your cellmate. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I threw up deer sausage.

Speaker 2 I like how you guys think that they can afford to give us sausages in jail.

Speaker 2 You think sausage is an expensive sausage? Yeah, sausages are expensive, really.

Speaker 2 For jail, it is.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I love me some sausage.
I got to be honest with you guys.

Speaker 2 I really do. I don't know if I would.
No.

Speaker 2 I wouldn't.

Speaker 2 Anyways, any shape, I'll swallow him whole like aspirin. I really.

Speaker 2 Lewis also has got a bottomless throat. He never throws up on deer sauces.
That is true.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but now that Lewis has been hanging out with Rogan, I got a feeling that

Speaker 2 he's doing some compound bow. It's very possible.
Lewis could be enjoying Elk more.

Speaker 2 Because this is ex-girlfriend, so it's in the past. So Lewis was building up to practicing Rogan thing.

Speaker 2 I don't know, though, any girlfriend that Lewis had that would have had a family of like hunters or shit.

Speaker 2 It was always like trash girls who like eyebrows would come off in the rain. Jay,

Speaker 2 Jay, you've just become the prime suspect of this.

Speaker 2 I did date a girl in my right after high school, girlfriend that long-term girlfriend definitely had a family that were like hunter horseback riding people for sure.

Speaker 2 But I'm not, I wouldn't throw up deer sausage. No, that would be a waste of food.
I don't think

Speaker 2 I use all my calories. I'm very efficient.
My body works very efficient. I also did.
My son's mother was from the Midwest, from

Speaker 2 their family lived in the woods and had cabins and went hunting and all that shit. So yeah, that could be her, but it's not.

Speaker 2 I'll tell you right now, Mike Fidoya, you just got a vibe of a guy who would be dating some fucking woodsy bitch. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And her family was forcing deer sausage on you.

Speaker 2 That was our safe word. And

Speaker 2 you're also a nice guy.

Speaker 2 So you would just continue to eat it and pretend that it didn't bother you because you're trying to be in with this person. Nobody else is doing that.

Speaker 2 Geo would pull out a butterfly knife and start threatening the family or something. I have no idea.
Do you only think bad guys are from Karate Kid 2?

Speaker 2 That's the only time you saw a butterfly knife used in a crime.

Speaker 2 Could anyone from the audience, could this be like, could they submit stories? Because if they could, the guy right behind Lewis, I think it's his story.

Speaker 2 I think he might have submitted one and slipped it in there. Who, Dennis Eckersley? Yeah.

Speaker 2 That guy looks like he's got deer meat in the freezer for all winter.

Speaker 2 That guy's definitely had a dance with a few different kinds of sausage, my man. He looks like a threadage.

Speaker 2 That guy loves deer sausage. He's not throwing it up.

Speaker 2 I think with this one, you just go with the whitest guy on panel, right? Deer sausage. Yeah, well, hold.
Eh, see, Giannis now.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Do Greek sausage. There's got to be Greek deer, right?

Speaker 2 Of course.

Speaker 2 We do not eat deer.

Speaker 2 It's you.

Speaker 2 We We don't have deer.

Speaker 2 It's you. What do you mean it's? Your lip didda thing.

Speaker 2 What is your most deer?

Speaker 2 What is your most deer-like creature in Greece? Lambs. Lambs.
Yams. Lambs.
We do eat lambs. We eat lambs.
You fuck lambs. We fuck them too.

Speaker 2 That's not the type of thing. And that's good sausage.

Speaker 2 That's good sausage. Fucked lamb sausage?

Speaker 2 Depending on the harvest. All right.
I'm getting the vote. I want to say Mike, but I do also

Speaker 2 possibly yarn it's definitely not Gio. Mike Finoy is my vote.
This isn't you, Lewis. Nope.
You don't hang out with Woods women.

Speaker 2 I'm going, Mike.

Speaker 2 This could be Big J. Fuck.
That's what I'm thinking. It could.

Speaker 2 Because he threw the blame on Mike right away. I also told you exactly if it was me, who the girl is, which is a pretty balls-out move.

Speaker 2 Now he's leading us into this, whatever this is right now. You already voted.
It doesn't matter. I know.
I'm bummed out. I don't want you to get points.
I don't know why.

Speaker 2 Let's see if Yannis is as dumb as you.

Speaker 2 Oh.

Speaker 2 Giannis, what do you put in there, buddy? I got Mike.

Speaker 2 I thought it could have been you or Mike, but I'm going Mike.

Speaker 2 I could have been

Speaker 2 used the mic.

Speaker 2 Wow. Wow.
Wow, Mondami wins, and ladies are getting bossy already.

Speaker 2 The ink isn't even dry.

Speaker 2 Not even dry.

Speaker 2 Shut up, Alex. You call me.

Speaker 2 It's Giannis or Mike. I think it's fucking Lewis, Lewis, dude.
No, you don't. Yeah,

Speaker 2 now it's Mike. God damn it.
Fuck. Is it Lewis? What? I think it's fucking Lewis.
I was going to go for Jay, but then he wrote Giannis,

Speaker 2 which is

Speaker 2 the last person I would think. So I think it's Mike.
The last?

Speaker 2 The least. No, I know.

Speaker 2 Do I say really? I don't know.

Speaker 2 Giannis vos Fenoya, Fenoia vos Giannis.

Speaker 2 All right. Everyone's answers are in.
Alex?

Speaker 3 Story number one belongs to

Speaker 3 Giannis Poppins.

Speaker 2 You son of a bitch. You saw my eye twitch.

Speaker 2 Son of a bitch.

Speaker 2 That's it.

Speaker 2 I'm bad at Story Wars, man.

Speaker 2 Who was this gal that you were dating, Giannis? What was going on here? That was Jesse May Paluso, Syracuse, New York.

Speaker 2 That adds up. She hit it it with her Geo Metro on the way to fucking.

Speaker 2 Everyone was all pilled up. I've been the fucking Steve.

Speaker 2 Oh, yeah. Deer meets like Filet Mignon in Syracuse.
Really?

Speaker 2 Yeah, they go. I literally, well, my wife, they go, everyone's fucked up on fentanyl.
And I was like, really? Why? They go, pills got expensive.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 I'm surprised they're not deer tenders.

Speaker 2 So is there any more to this story? What happened with the family? They didn't notice you doing this, obviously. At that that point,

Speaker 2 I was really like anti-guns, you know? And I was very liberal. This is before you owned a home? Yeah,

Speaker 2 before I became a property owner. Watch it on YouTube.

Speaker 2 Before I ring the doorbell.

Speaker 2 I'm more a Zoro kid. Yeah.
What happens when you buy a home and have a kid and you're like, as many guns as possible in my house, please? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 So, and her sister was at her half-sister's house, and they were like hunters and stuff like that. So we got into an argument about gun control at the table.
It wasn't fun.

Speaker 2 That's why you threw up. You had Ajita.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It was no, deer meat's just gamey. Yeah, it sucks.
It's really, it's not great. Yeah.
Yeah. It's for idiots.
It's for, yeah. Which I'm glad all of you thought it was me.

Speaker 2 It's for idiots. Only

Speaker 2 the person in the story doesn't like it.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I thought I was going to marry her. One, uh,

Speaker 2 one story down, Alex. Where are points at?

Speaker 3 All right, on the scoreboard with two points in second place, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 3 And in the lead with three points, Giannis Pappas.

Speaker 2 Yeah, let's fucking go.

Speaker 2 All right, Alex, story number two.

Speaker 3 Story number two.

Speaker 3 I went to an out-of-town family Thanksgiving. I was told to wake up early to take professional family photos.
When we got there, I was asked to sit out of the pictures.

Speaker 2 That's so hurtful.

Speaker 2 This could be the fucking origin story of a criminal. Gio?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Gio was like, he wasn't supposed to be out of state, probably.

Speaker 2 And then when he went out of state,

Speaker 2 they told him, he was like, yo, you better sit out of those photos. You're going to get arrested.
Like, your ankle beeping is really ruining the vibe, dude.

Speaker 2 I'm already banned from Sears. I can't go.

Speaker 2 Oh, man. Yeah.
Professional family photos. Trying to figure out whose family would be the most disappointed in them that they'd want to create some distance.

Speaker 2 Also, professional family photos is a white thing. Right.
That's not a Puerto Rican thing. Even at Sears, it's not.
You didn't grow up Puerto Rican-y.

Speaker 2 No, I was talking about Geo. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 The person that wrote Puerto Rican. I believe that's what he means.
He was talking about Geo. They They wrote the word family twice, so they're really hurt by this whole thing.

Speaker 2 Jay, how long has this get up been like your thing, the style?

Speaker 2 Since Thanksgiving 96. Yeah, so then it could be Jay.
It could be Jesus. Ever since Picture Day.

Speaker 2 You've been driving anti-Picture Day ever since.

Speaker 2 I mean, I really haven't changed my... I mean, besides from long hair to short hair,

Speaker 2 everything's sort of kind of maintained since I was probably

Speaker 2 19. 19.
So did you show up to a family picture professional photo in shorts and looking like you were in the band Sublime?

Speaker 2 Sublime? I don't have dreadlocks.

Speaker 2 But I,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 No.

Speaker 2 It's going to also be Finoya though. Finoya, like,

Speaker 2 he looks very put together now. But Finoya, people don't know this about him.
He's like a grateful deadhead. Like, you got to go back in the day, Finoya probably had long hair.
He stunk of weed.

Speaker 2 He was just wearing fucking no shoes and fucking garbage bag on his head or something. You think garbage bag on the head is the garbage bag on the head, yeah.
Okay.

Speaker 2 Hanging out in the shed making deer sausages.

Speaker 2 Your deer sausage grinder? Yeah. They're like, old deer sausages here.

Speaker 2 Yeah, well, this is not me. I was beautiful when I was younger, and everybody wanted me in their picture.
Did you have hair? I had beautiful long hair. Long hair, exactly.
Luscious.

Speaker 2 Now, Lewis, I know it's not you because two of your family members were dead, so they needed all the members they could get for the product. That's true.

Speaker 2 Or they'd be like, sit down this picture. You remind everybody of your father.

Speaker 2 Needed someone to be in the photo. You make everybody sad.

Speaker 2 No, my family was too poor to do professional family photos. That just wasn't happening.
And I guess we did like at Sears or

Speaker 2 I think when we were all kids, like everybody got like a round of their own. There's a picture of me as like a little, little kid sitting on like a fake log.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Like that, but I don't can't remember a professional picture I took.

Speaker 2 Oh, me and an ex-girlfriend took some pro pictures together.

Speaker 2 Seriously, gay, yeah, Kmart, gaymart, more like more like gay mart because my girlfriend in high school did what were they called? Uh, glamour shots.

Speaker 2 Oh, you remember if you've ever done glamour shots, you are a stupid bitch,

Speaker 2 you're a dumb fat, you never

Speaker 2 figured out how to do your own makeup.

Speaker 2 You're fat, you're fat bitch, mom.

Speaker 2 She got glamour shots. Oh, my God.

Speaker 2 That's so funny. Yannis.

Speaker 2 Yes, sir. Giannis, did you go to Greece a lot for Thanksgiving? Nope.
They don't celebrate Thanksgiving in Greece. You went back to the mother of the land for Thanksgiving?

Speaker 2 Your lip did that thing again. Oh, no.
Yeah, officer. Giannis, you ever go back to Mount Olympus for Thanksgiving?

Speaker 2 Sit with the gods? Hash it out? We would have it sometimes in Astoria, sometimes at my cousin's house.

Speaker 2 Because I feel like a professional family photos thing could be a thing in another country that we don't know about. Right.

Speaker 2 Oh, I thought you were saying more like it's Greek orthodoxy, like serious environment. Family is very important to Greek people.
Well, this is right before Christmas.

Speaker 2 People did like their Christmas family portraits, probably. And this is what happened.
I'm deducing. And that's just not what Puerto Ricans do.
I think this is Mike Fenoy.

Speaker 2 Mike Fenoya showed up with a fucking bung in his hand, stinking a weed.

Speaker 2 Hey, man, might you wait for the pictures?

Speaker 2 They're like, sit it out, Mikey. It could be me.
That's it. I'm getting the voting going again.
It could be me. It also could be you.
Yeah, well. No, my family couldn't afford that shit.

Speaker 2 I don't think it would be Greek people either.

Speaker 2 I don't feel like they're very family-oriented, and they're not going to leave them out the picture. I feel like that's like white people's shit.
Yeah. I'm going to throw a thing out there.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's Jay because he's Jewish and Jews don't show up in photos.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 Right.

Speaker 2 The photos capture the shape-shifting. We never thank you.
Right. We also never thank anybody.
Me? You fucking jerk off.

Speaker 2 I think it's you. It's Big Jay or Mike.
I think it's Jay. Yeah.
It could be Jay, too. Yeah, it could be Jay.
Because I know you have family in other places. Ooh.

Speaker 2 And

Speaker 2 I think that might be it. Oh, yeah.
My family's all in Philadelphia. What do you mean? Don't you have stepbrothers?

Speaker 2 No, dude. Oh, half of Ohio.
Yeah, they could have been like. They're going to take me.
They could have been like, all right, just our full kids right now.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they were like, only our nuclear family. You can't really be in this photo.

Speaker 2 We're not putting you on our mantle for the rest of the year. We'll take an extra one just for you.
Oh, no, you figured him out. God damn it.

Speaker 2 Fuck, Phenoya. I'm just trying to go on his acting chops right now.
I'm trying to see.

Speaker 2 Trying to read them.

Speaker 2 Fuck. I think Phenoya is right.

Speaker 2 Big Jay, writing Mike Phanoya, ignoring all the noise. Oh, you want me to write Jay?

Speaker 2 She goes, ignoring all the evidence. You're like, I should vote for myself? No, listen to what I said.
I said,

Speaker 2 ignoring all the noise and clutter.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I am.

Speaker 2 Jay's pissed. He's not happy.

Speaker 2 And Finoya writes Mike.

Speaker 2 What?

Speaker 2 Giannis writes Mike. You know what I mean? Right back at you, bitch.
Right.

Speaker 2 You got me last time.

Speaker 2 Alex, all of our answers are in. I said Mike, but I think it's Big J now.

Speaker 3 Story number two belongs to

Speaker 2 Big Jay. Of course.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 God damn it.

Speaker 2 It's exactly what he said, right?

Speaker 2 Yeah, one of you just told the story.

Speaker 2 Gary's that was Lewis. Lewis said she told the story.

Speaker 2 I went to

Speaker 2 where I first started doing comedy. I brought a girl I was dating.
We drove out to Ohio to do Thanksgiving at my dad's house. And he told me the next morning, he's like, hey, wake up.

Speaker 2 We're doing these family pictures. Everybody, it's my stepmother.
That's where my stepmother's from is there. So it's like, it's all her family.
And we all went to some, you know, photo place,

Speaker 2 not a Sears or something. It was like a real studio place.
And they said that, and they kept bringing everybody up. And at one point, they called up the grouping.

Speaker 2 Like you just said, they were like, okay, now the Okersons, like fashion. And my dad was like, all right, come on.
It was, you know, I had two half brothers that were little.

Speaker 2 and my stepmother and I and I started to get up in front of my girl. I brought my girlfriend up.
Oh my God. Then I stood up and started walking over, and my stepmother goes, like, oh,

Speaker 2 I thought it was going to be like our family. Oh.
And I went, I went, hey, and my dad was like, ah, come on, Diane, don't say that. And I was like, nah, no, I don't.

Speaker 2 I didn't actually know I wanted to be in pictures.

Speaker 2 My girlfriend, biting her lip to blood not to laugh at me as I'm going, I mean, I'm walking in a circle. I don't know what to do.
I'm like, I don't even want to know. Where do I sit? I don't care.

Speaker 2 Pictures are gay anyway.

Speaker 2 Humiliating. Yeah.
But I'll tell you what's not humiliating. Read them points, Alex.

Speaker 2 You did decent there.

Speaker 2 You're more than welcome in all of our Thanksgiving pictures from now on. Thanks, bro.
Love you, pal. I'd be proud.

Speaker 3 All right. In last place with zero points.
Lewis Jay Gomez.

Speaker 2 It's early, baby. Two stories down.
I like coming from behind.

Speaker 2 It makes the story of my victory that much sweeter. You like come on your behind.
Come on. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Come on, we're trying to get YouTube monetization. Alex,

Speaker 2 what YouTube hates hilarious

Speaker 3 tied for third place with two points each: Big Jay Ogerson and Gio Perez

Speaker 3 and in the lead with four points, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 3 Sorry, in second place with three points.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 3 Giannis Paupas.

Speaker 2 Disrespectful.

Speaker 2 All right, story warriors. Let's take a quick moment and thank Ridge Wallet for supporting the show.
We love Ridge Wallet. I got rid of my nasty ass wallet.
Jay, you know that.

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Once again, that is ridge.com, 47% off during the biggest sale of the year.

Speaker 2 And after your purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Support the show and let them know that you heard about them on Story Wars.
Thank you, Story Warriors.

Speaker 2 Go get your new wallet and happy holidays. What's up, Story Wars fans?

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All right, where were we? Alex,

Speaker 2 story number three.

Speaker 3 Story number three.

Speaker 3 I was smoking with my cousin in my car one Thanksgiving, and my aunt came out of nowhere, snatched him out, and beat the shit out of me.

Speaker 2 Gio or Lewis. Gio or Lewis.
Yes. What the fuck?

Speaker 2 Absolutely.

Speaker 2 Could it be both of them? Wow.

Speaker 2 Could they have dirt together? I'm his cousin.

Speaker 2 One of you was the cousin.

Speaker 2 I'm definitely the one that got beat the shit out of him. Yeah, yeah.
This is what it's like when dubs cry.

Speaker 2 Well, most of my family smoke weed, so it wouldn't be a big deal. Yeah, no one would be beating a shit out of you.
Yeah, yeah. But it could also be young.

Speaker 2 No, 16 years old in your car, I guess. This could be a young cousin.
It could could be a 13-year-old kid. You have no fucking

Speaker 2 moral compass. Why'd you make up 16 years old? Because in his car.
Yeah, where'd you get that number from? That was pretty specific.

Speaker 2 Is that how old your cousin was? No, no, no. Hang on.

Speaker 2 Yeah, he's right.

Speaker 2 In my car. Doesn't matter Lewis.

Speaker 2 This is.

Speaker 2 Does Lewis have cousins, though? No one. I have a billion cousins.
Yeah, they're just Puerto Rican cousins.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I know.

Speaker 2 Everybody have two cousins in the room. Yeah.
You've You've got a floating garbage pile full of cousins, my man.

Speaker 2 Oh, whoa. Maybe the thing is going to make headlines? Maybe.
You think it's going to make headlines?

Speaker 2 Hey, you floating garbage pile.

Speaker 2 Your family comes from a floating garbage pile.

Speaker 2 Dude, I'm going viral.

Speaker 2 Trump. Trump 2020 forever.

Speaker 2 Forever.

Speaker 2 Trump 2020 forever.

Speaker 2 or in case it goes another way the other guy

Speaker 2 whoever the other person is forever

Speaker 2 the reason I suspect Gio is because this just said I was smoking it didn't say cigarette weed crack yeah he said we all smoke weed in my family oh he threw in a detail that wasn't there So that's why

Speaker 2 he goes, mijo, weed, I understand, but no cigarette. Oh, you breaking my heart.

Speaker 2 But who would get their ass beat for smoking smoking a cigarette? Somebody. A bunch of self-hating fucking Latinas that have white trash whites in their families.

Speaker 2 Or maybe it's the aunt's weed and she's pissed you're smoking it. Right.
It's a real dirtbag fan. Either way,

Speaker 2 this is definitely Hispanic. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No one's looking anywhere else. I didn't start smoking weed until I was almost 18 years old.
Of course you saw your cousin get the shit kicked out of it. Yeah, you were in your car.

Speaker 2 That is really quick.

Speaker 2 I mean, my aunt Anna Marie is an old lady. She's not beating beating the shit out of anybody for smoking.
Oh, dude, I bet you abuse her now to pay her back. Yeah, I do.

Speaker 2 You give her little whips, and you go, no one's going to believe you, Anna-Marie.

Speaker 2 I blow weed in her face. I was like, now you're the one smoking.
You just hand her empty insures.

Speaker 2 My bones cracking. My bones are brittle.
And you go, oh, that's interesting.

Speaker 2 I feel strong about my face. My bones are high.

Speaker 2 Blowing weed smoke in her face, ashing in it.

Speaker 2 My cousin now. I mean, obviously, look, it's either me or Geo.
There's no debate for this. I will say we should both make the case why it's not us.

Speaker 2 And I'm letting you know, I was almost 18 when I smoked weed for the first time, very famously. The soul known by all the fans and big geo.

Speaker 2 Yeah. What are we? Famously.
I hate that term. What? Lewis, what kind of car was it? He wants me to see it.
Nice.

Speaker 2 It's world knowledge that this ain't me.

Speaker 2 Well, you haven't smoked. No, he didn't smoke pot until, like,

Speaker 2 that time his family asked him to get out out of the picture. It's not what happened.
Lewis, that was Lewis. It does just say smoking.

Speaker 2 It could have been smoking cock, and then it could have been Big Jack. Yeah.

Speaker 2 They're going to say cigarettes and then it could be.

Speaker 2 Nobody in my family's progressive. They don't care if I smoke cock.

Speaker 2 They don't want me to smoke my cousin's cock, though.

Speaker 2 No, my family's not weird. They wouldn't like that.
I think a key word in here is snatched. Who would use the word snatched?

Speaker 2 I love that word. Yeah.
Instead of like grabbed, I snatched. I'm thinking more detailed.
Now I think it's Giannis because he's sucking his own dick for his work.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and you know, Greek,

Speaker 2 wow, dude, whoever wrote this stuff,

Speaker 2 why would we do short stories or something? Because I'll tell you what, in this two sentences, I'm fucking locked in. I think you're right.
You guys pay attention to the poetry of that. That's genius.

Speaker 2 It's well written, I'll say that. The economy of words is off the charts.
Yeah, you're too hung up on grammar. No, I just don't think Lewis would use the word snatched.

Speaker 2 I think it would just be grabbed. They're like,

Speaker 2 I got him.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 She came and got him. He ended swiped me.

Speaker 2 That's not even a term. I don't think you would have just picked snatch.
And she ganked him.

Speaker 2 Look, everyone's voting for a Puerto Rican. If you don't, you're stupid.
I'm putting my vote in for a Gio. Gio should vote for me.
I think it's obviously Giannis.

Speaker 2 You know why?

Speaker 2 Giannis was a Wigger, and Wiggers live very closely to Puerto Rican lifestyle. I'm going to go with Mike.

Speaker 2 We are the Puerto Ricans of the white community. Yeah, where Wiggers and Puerto Ricans line up, it's it's very, very close.
But Giannis wasn't a big pothead, was he? Were you a big pothead, Giannis?

Speaker 2 I did smoke a lot of weed in high school.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I did smoke a week. This will be another Giannis story.
It's a Greek aunt, some big old fucking husband. She's a bitch.
Yeah, dude. She's fucking off.

Speaker 2 Oh, Yannis with the feta.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I don't do accents.

Speaker 2 No more Spanish.

Speaker 2 Accent is Gio's aunt. Oh, poppin' it, booba with the fetchies and the goats and the lambs.
And the goats and the lambs. Greek family would be very disappointed if they found you smoking in the car.

Speaker 2 Like, beat the shit out of you, disappointment? 100%. 100%.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I think it's Lewis or Giannis.

Speaker 2 You got to tell the truth, right? On here?

Speaker 2 Not on this part. No.
Oh.

Speaker 2 Was it you?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wasn't clear on that rule.

Speaker 2 Giannis, are you feeling the vibe that it's Geo a little bit? Is he shaky a little bit? He's been still till this question. I don't know.

Speaker 2 Let me try to get to the mind of his parole officer for a second.

Speaker 2 She's a morbidly obese black girl. She's shaking a little.
Take yourself. This is not the first time I got interrogated by two white people.
It's not fucking.

Speaker 2 Do your worst, fuck you.

Speaker 2 You want a Dr. Pepper? I don't know shit, bitch.
Hey, buddy. Keep your Dr.
Pepper, you cracker. Hey, we're going to order Red Lobster.
I'm not going back.

Speaker 2 We're going to order Red Lobster. You want anything?

Speaker 2 It was Giannis. I swear.

Speaker 2 It was all him. He goes, come on, man.
We're all sitting here enjoying these biscuits together. You don't want to give us a little taste of something? What you got going cooking out there?

Speaker 2 I think.

Speaker 2 Who are you putting Giannis? I'm in. Geo.
I'm in.

Speaker 2 I'm going Giannis because he's too caught up on words. That's what somebody who's guilty would do.
It's Gio or Lou. I think it's.
I fucking think it's Giannis, but I'm going with Gio, I think.

Speaker 2 Who'd you say? That's that Gio. I'll take this.
Jay, Jay, Jay. Jay?

Speaker 2 Jay.

Speaker 2 Jay. Wait a second.
Can you change? Once it's up, you can't change? You can't change. Oh, once once it's up.
Why would you remove your hand? I'm not your chick.

Speaker 2 Fuck, it's Louis.

Speaker 2 I'm glad you lost those points, you idiot. I was trying to be your friend.

Speaker 2 Yes, I was. I was trying to be your friend.
Look at your stupid face while you're acting. Alex, Alex, all of our answers are in.

Speaker 3 Story number three

Speaker 3 belongs to

Speaker 3 GeoP. Yeah!

Speaker 2 I knew snatched is you. Snatched.

Speaker 2 You fidgety motherfucker, dude. Yeah.
Yeah, I use criminal terminology because that's what cops do. They snatch you up.
Snatch you up.

Speaker 2 That was snatched.

Speaker 2 Tell the story, dude.

Speaker 2 How bad did she beat him up? Very bad. Don't worry, you fooled this dumb fetch shit.

Speaker 2 At first, I thought it was a cop. That's how bad, like, she pulled him out the car and started beating the shit out of him.

Speaker 2 And I wanted to laugh, but I knew if I did, she'd beat the shit out of me afterwards. So I had to wait for her to leave to laugh.
How old were you?

Speaker 2 I was probably like young 20s, and he was like 17. Oh, yeah.

Speaker 2 Damn, she'd be the shit of him, and you made it out.

Speaker 2 You were the one who was supposed to be responsible.

Speaker 2 What kind of car was it? I think it was like a Corolla. Of course, it was.
That checks out. Yeah.
How many windows were garbage bagged?

Speaker 2 Just the one you got snatched out of.

Speaker 2 Who do we airbrush resting in peace on the back?

Speaker 2 No, I can't say his name because he'd be embarrassed.

Speaker 2 He had Calvin pissing on a Pontiac side in the window.

Speaker 2 Rest in peace, angel.

Speaker 2 The matching t-shirt. Three stories down, Alex.
Where are our points at?

Speaker 3 All right, tied for fourth place with two points each. Louis Jay Gomez and Big Jay Ogerson.

Speaker 3 In third place with three points, Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 Thank you, Jay.

Speaker 3 In second place with five points, Giannis Poppers.

Speaker 2 Let's go.

Speaker 3 And in the lead with six points, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 2 He cruises through.

Speaker 2 Let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 Mike's one of my best friends, and one thing I know about him is he wants to read Girl Wars, 12 strategies that will end female bullying by Dr. Cheryl DeLa Sega and Dr.
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Speaker 2 I'd finally be able to read along to the audiobook that I've been listening to. Finally, dude.
Finally. It's no longer just a voice yelling in the dark.
Alex, story number four.

Speaker 3 Story number four.

Speaker 3 I dated a crazy girl that brought me home for Thanksgiving to meet her family. They all liked me.

Speaker 3 I later found out that they had a huge family fight about whether or not they should warn me about her craziness.

Speaker 2 Dude, this is the log line for Lewis's

Speaker 2 seriously.

Speaker 2 Knives and spoons. This is the thing that's on the back cover.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I've dated a lot of crazy bitches. Oh, exclusively.
That's not true. My son's mother is an angel.
You need to stop. That's why she got away from me as fast as humanly possible.

Speaker 2 She ran for the hills.

Speaker 2 Yeah, no, I've dated a lot of crazy bitches. This could be anybody.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 But we've all dated a lot of crazy bitches. That's why I don't think it's Lewis, because it says girl and not bitch.
Same?

Speaker 2 Alex, we'll make changes so you don't need to do it. I'm using your strategy.
That's a good one. That's a good one.
It's true. I mean, have you dated a crazy girl, Finoya? Absolutely.
Of course.

Speaker 2 Insane fucking, yeah, crazy. Like, dangerously crazy.
Pretty crazy. Nice.
Yeah, very crazy. Nice.

Speaker 2 Like when we broke up, I started getting stuff from my house, like returned. She'd leave stuff that she took

Speaker 2 on my steps. Oh, that's crazy.
Yep. Yeah.
Yeah. So you didn't listen to the family, huh? No.
Oh!

Speaker 2 No!

Speaker 2 Busted.

Speaker 2 Or am I?

Speaker 2 Gio, you're Puerto Rican. You've dated some crazy girls in your day.
Yeah, but usually I got to warn their family about me first.

Speaker 2 That's actually court order.

Speaker 2 He goes, if you all will look at your placemats, I need you to sign and date.

Speaker 2 I need your permission to make sure it's okay that I hang out with your 16-year-old daughter. She has a wall.
So

Speaker 2 no big thing, but they have theater tickets, and I have to legally be home by 10.

Speaker 2 So we can hurry this up. We're going to eat dessert soon.
The sun's going down. So can you just bring stuff out as it's ready? I think that's.

Speaker 2 Of course, you've dated a couple crazy bitches. I have, yes, for sure.
Yeah, for sure. We've all done this, Jay.
For sure. I see you writing my name already, Jay.

Speaker 2 But once again, I'm going to warn you, and twice in a row, you're going to look like a fool if you vote for me.

Speaker 2 Part of me thinks this might be Jay, too, because you've dated a couple crazy bitches. Yeah, he's dated a bunch of crazy bitches.
Yeah,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 no,

Speaker 2 you've never dated what I just say,

Speaker 2 nah.

Speaker 2 Now I'm thinking of Jay because I know for a fact that's a line. Wow, that's a really fun thing to do.
And it's definitely, let me tell you something.

Speaker 2 Everybody write Lewis right now.

Speaker 2 If I'm wrong, I'll go back down this, I'll go down to zero points. Wow,

Speaker 2 you're in last place.

Speaker 2 you have exactly two points i'm tired for last place

Speaker 2 lewis can't tell you something if i lose if i'm wrong lewis can have my two points

Speaker 2 you're now in in third place cool all right fine yes i agree with that lewis how many like long-term girlfriends have you had uh what do you consider long-term non-stop

Speaker 2 yeah non-stop girlfriends concurrently concurrently. I mean, today? Yeah.
Like, long enough to get invited to girlfriend. There's a little bit of an overlap between all of the girls.

Speaker 2 Long enough to get invited to a Thanksgiving dinner. I mean, you got to make sure the next one does anal before you get rid of the one.

Speaker 2 Is this about Kim Condon?

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 my God. No, no, not at all.
Oh, my God. Oh, my Christ.
Because what I'm thinking is the family had to like, because that sentence right there. Yeah, nobody likes me.
Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 Never out of the gates. See? Yeah, I think

Speaker 2 this could be fucking

Speaker 2 deer sausage Thanksgiving. This could be two facts about the same Thanksgiving.
Wow, that doesn't say a lot about Jesse Mae Paloozo, huh?

Speaker 2 Jesse Mae was a fucking lunatic. You're right.

Speaker 2 Jesse May

Speaker 2 is apparently a lunatic. That doesn't matter.

Speaker 2 They go, the guy's puking up deer sausage, but who cares? Should we tell him about this crazy fucking chick he's dating or what? Yeah,

Speaker 2 those people thought Giannis was crazy for coming over and yakking at the table.

Speaker 2 That's why they didn't tell you.

Speaker 2 Yeah, they're like, you two deserve each other. Fuck, this could be literally anybody on this panel.
Except it's for sure you.

Speaker 2 I'm done fucking stalling for you. Kev, please.

Speaker 2 I'm so happy you're in last place.

Speaker 2 Whoa, whoa, good for you. Good for you.
I'm locking in on Giannis. Jay's doing a lot of.
Jay's doing a lot of misdirection now, focusing on Lewis. I'm writing Lewis.
So I'm thinking, Jay.

Speaker 2 A lot of song and dance. Yeah.
Yeah. But now you're doing the same thing that he just did to me.
No. So now I'm thinking it could be Giannis.

Speaker 2 My favorite thing that you did to Yannis. My favorite thing is when someone squints their eyes and reads like it's not them.

Speaker 2 Meet her fair. No, my eyes are just really cozy to begin with, so you can't tell.
Yeah. That's fair.
I always look

Speaker 2 Asian. You know, as they say, whoever smelt it dealt it.

Speaker 2 I don't know. I think, Jay, like big family fight.

Speaker 2 Jay probably was really charming at that fucking Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 Jay is likable as fuck. He's likable as fuck, dude.
He was in there. He was doing crowd works.
Where are you from? What do you do?

Speaker 2 What's your job? Oh, that's interesting as hell. Have you ever thought about?

Speaker 2 And then he goes, this guy can't turn it off. And I go, guilty.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I would kill it with Crazy Girls found. I think you would have killed it.
This is Giannis, though. It's a brilliant play by Giannis right now.
Giannis hasn't voted yet.

Speaker 2 That means he's trying to get everybody off his trail first. He got me.
He beat me. It's Giannis.
This is dear. This is Daniel.
Now I'm thinking of Big Jay trying to push it back to Giannis.

Speaker 2 Fuck, I'm done. I'm out.

Speaker 2 Yeah, but you don't want people to vote for you.

Speaker 2 I voted for you.

Speaker 2 I think it's you. You still think it's me? It's too late.
I do now think too much more than it's Giannis, but I do still think it's you. I think there's a chance it's you for sure.

Speaker 2 You think that the family would have liked Lewis that much to warn him? Listen, Lewis can come in. Listen, Lewis can hold it together for a dinner.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 but it will not take much longer than that a very big part of that reason is there's food in my mouth so I can't talk during those times and he goes back and he goes

Speaker 2 you know you raised a pretty hot bitch

Speaker 2 is there mrs whatever her last name is

Speaker 2 you raised a pretty hot pitch insatiable apple doesn't fall too far from the tree mom

Speaker 2 she's a real firecracker in the bedroom you know dad I was wondering where she got that ass, and then I saw you, Dolores.

Speaker 2 Am I right? Biz.

Speaker 2 Oh, it's Giannis or Big J. I don't think it's Finoya.
I don't think it's Gio.

Speaker 2 I think it's Big J or Mike. Because you're pushing it, and he hasn't said a word this whole time.
Yeah, Finoya has been weirdly quiet.

Speaker 2 It's not loaded. Mike's washing his hands.
He's doing kind of crazy fucking. He's doing self-soothing.

Speaker 2 It's Giannis. All right, I'm thinking Big J, but if Giannis played me into this, it was.
Buddy, look at me.

Speaker 2 I don't fuck you, dude. I don't believe anything you say.

Speaker 2 Suck my fucking dick. If it's not, I don't care.
I don't care. But if it's not me, what? If it's not me, will you apologize? It's not me.
I lose this round.

Speaker 2 Why don't you say you apologize to me for telling me to suck your dick when I was just trying to help you? I go, I'll be honest with you, son. Because there are no apologies in Story War.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Oh, I smell merch.

Speaker 2 Somebody want an intern for that shirt?

Speaker 2 I'm thinking it could be Lewis, though, just talking to the family about big plans, ambition. They like him.

Speaker 2 This is tough.

Speaker 2 This is tough.

Speaker 2 Well, Big J or Lewis, it's tough. I just wrote down to Lewis that our friendship is actually in trouble in real life.

Speaker 2 This game is really the wedge. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Our friendship is actually in trouble.

Speaker 2 we boot we voted for each other guys it's lewis

Speaker 2 oh telling you oh you're loving that he put that it's if you don't say lewis big jay oh dude it's big jay

Speaker 2 gio put it up yeah so happy he's getting on board

Speaker 2 jay's jay's playing a big old acti game right now i don't think it's yannis fuck i was gonna i was gonna put up yannis but then he's like yeah that's the right answer go ahead i don't trust that look at me I don't.

Speaker 2 I'm going to say this. If your gut is Giannis, I'm not going to tell you because I don't know if it's Giannis.
It's not me.

Speaker 2 I put Lewis.

Speaker 2 If you don't say Lewis, you're going to give him points, but I don't know for sure it's Lewis. That's my guess.

Speaker 2 But I'm going to go for the Mike.

Speaker 2 Mike, yeah, Mike. Wasted bat, dude.

Speaker 2 I've seen some dog millionaire. Your friends give you the wrong answer.
If it's Mike, he flew under the radar this whole

Speaker 2 it would have been a fantastic question, Alex. Everybody is in.
It can't be Mike.

Speaker 3 All right, everybody. Story number four belongs to

Speaker 2 Lewis.

Speaker 2 Fuck! God damn it!

Speaker 2 Son of a bitch! Motherfucker!

Speaker 2 Damn it!

Speaker 2 I was going to be wrong either way, because I was going to say. How did you know?

Speaker 2 Why were you so certain?

Speaker 2 A crazy girl. He said you had a crazy girl.
Lewis, you have to understand. Lewis believes that all the girls were the problem.

Speaker 2 So when you understand a guy's perspective, you could tell this was no, this was the craziest girl that I've ever dated. Like, you met this one.
This was the one. My name was Lewis.

Speaker 2 It was a mirror. I was just barking at it.
It's like, shit. Yeah, Lewis.

Speaker 2 This was like the Smack My Bitch Up video. At the end of it, it was just him.
Tell the story, Lewis. This was the craziest bitch that I've ever dated in my entire life.

Speaker 2 And like, this girl, after we broke up, she pretended to be pregnant for months. She was like that chick.
And I went home with her for Thanksgiving to meet her family. And they were so sweet.

Speaker 2 And they were like, they were great. And what happened was after we broke up and she pretended to be pregnant, I called her house to being like, hey, you know, she won't talk to me.

Speaker 2 She's saying we have a baby on the way. Like, just trying to level with her family.
And her family, I just bought a bassinet.

Speaker 2 Are you a co-signer?

Speaker 2 And then

Speaker 2 her sister,

Speaker 2 her sister called me back and she was like, Yeah, like we feel really bad. She was like, You just got the craziest girl on the planet.

Speaker 2 She was like, The whole family had a huge argument about whether or not we should warn you to run and we just let you deal with this. And then she said the craziest thing ever.

Speaker 2 She said, She said, you will never get her out of your life for as long as you live.

Speaker 2 And it sticks with me to this day. I get chilled.
So kill yourself.

Speaker 2 Kill yourself.

Speaker 2 Lewis then dated the sister for two years.

Speaker 2 Oh, so crazy. I'm so pissed I didn't follow.
The minute you started interviewing all of us about our crazy girlfriends, I fucking, god damn it. Good lay, though, no? Good lay?

Speaker 2 She was a decent lay. This is the same girl that fucked my weed dealer, remember?

Speaker 2 She fucked my weed dealer by the way. Weed dealer came on my shirt.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then I wore that shirt out of the house.

Speaker 2 And then that girl publicly mocked me for it on Facebook later on. Now, look, I look like an idiot.

Speaker 2 And on Skanks, we called the drug dealer, and Lewis Gamehall goes, dude, I swear to you, I'm not mad about this.

Speaker 2 We just want to know, because it was a story that was told to me, is this possibly true at all? Did you fuck my girlfriend when you came over to sell her weed one day and then come on my shirt?

Speaker 2 And he went, yeah, man.

Speaker 2 That's a drug dealer you could trust.

Speaker 2 Honest guy.

Speaker 2 No short bags from him.

Speaker 2 I hope you call it. Called him like a Caesar, man.
Yeah. Guilty as charge, my man.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Four stories down. Where are our scores at, Alex?

Speaker 3 All right. In last place with three points, Gio Perez.

Speaker 3 In fourth place with four points, Big Jay Ogerson.

Speaker 3 Tied for second place with five points each. Luis J.
Gomez and Giannis Pappas.

Speaker 3 And in the lead with six points, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 2 Mike Finoya, holding on to a lead here.

Speaker 2 Giannis Pappas, we're going to do some plugs right here in just a second. It's the halfway point of the show.
So, Giannis, you go first. What are you plugging, my friend?

Speaker 2 History Hyenas podcast. Yeah.
Hell yeah. Listen to that.
It's back. It's back.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Catch Bozeman, Montana. If you live out there and you're watching this, see me there on November 22nd at the Emerson Theater,

Speaker 2 Stanford, West Nyack, some other dates on my website, Yannis PappasComedy.com.

Speaker 2 Geo.

Speaker 2 Subscribe to our podcast on the gate right here on Gas Digital.

Speaker 2 Thank you.

Speaker 2 You can catch me here at New York Comedy Club throughout the month. Follow me on Instagram, Geoprez86, for all my dates.
Yeah. You boy.

Speaker 2 Mike Finoya.

Speaker 2 You can find all my dates at mikefinoya.com, F-I-N-O-I-A.

Speaker 2 And the podcast is Are We Old? At Are We Old?

Speaker 2 And yeah, it's for you specifically.

Speaker 2 Thank you very much.

Speaker 2 Big Jay Ogerson. BigJComedy.com for all my dates.

Speaker 2 I'm all over the place. Look for a city near you.
And the double album, Then Day, has sold out officially in pre-sale. So thank you all.

Speaker 2 So cool. Now it's time to figure out what I'm going to do.
A material special coming up real soon.

Speaker 2 But of course, listen to The Bonfire five days a week with me and the great Robert Kelly on Faction Talk Series XM 103. And of course,

Speaker 2 The Legion of Skanks, the flagship show of the Gas Digital Network.

Speaker 2 And I'm live streaming on YouTube now a little bit, so check those out.

Speaker 2 Come see me live on the road, guys. December, I'll be in Nashville.

Speaker 2 The end of the month for New Year's Eve, I'll be in Columbus, Ohio with the great Zachamiko, and then a bunch of other stuff coming up.

Speaker 2 Batavia, Illinois, Miamisburg, Ohio, Kansas City, Missouri, and more.

Speaker 2 Lewisofskanks.com, check out the reg. Check out Legion of Skanks.
Check out my solo podcast, the Lewis Journal podcast.

Speaker 2 Go check out my brand new special, You're Making This Worst, available on YouTube right now. Go give that a click and a like and all that other stuff.

Speaker 2 Comment, subscribe, all that stuff. And if you love this show, you should know that we do a bunch of uncensored and ad-free versions of all of our shows here at Gast Digital.

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Speaker 2 All right, second half. Second half, everybody.
This

Speaker 2 is where things get intense.

Speaker 2 Four more stories.

Speaker 2 Four more guesses we all have to make. The game is tight.
This is one of our tightest games we've ever had.

Speaker 2 Two people tied at five. The winners with six, four and three.

Speaker 2 The other scorers, this is anybody's game because, and Geo, you haven't played the game before, but you might have heard that for the final four stories, we go double points.

Speaker 2 That's a huge deal. It's genuinely anybody's game, even Big Chase, who is in last place.

Speaker 2 Oh, wait, you're not in last place. I'm sorry.
I'm not in last place. I'm respectful.
Yeah, thank you. I'm in fourth place.

Speaker 2 One point above Geo, two points below Mike in the lead, but it doesn't matter. Because before, if you fooled somebody, you got one point.
And if you guessed somebody correctly, you got two points.

Speaker 2 But now that moves up to double points. Oh, shit!

Speaker 2 You guys get it? The double fish hook. I think everybody gets it.

Speaker 2 So, Alexandra.

Speaker 2 Let's stop fucking around. Let's kick into high gear with story number five.

Speaker 3 Story number five

Speaker 3 One year I ended Thanksgiving dinner early by spilling a bowl of hot gravy on a toddler

Speaker 3 who ended up going to the hospital

Speaker 2 This could be the reason why Gio went to jail

Speaker 2 Christ now Dominicans go don't go to hospital. They probably would have just put like vapor rub on his skin

Speaker 2 Yeah, there's also

Speaker 2 gravy either

Speaker 2 doesn't have children, doesn't want children, and a lot of this might have to be because he poured gravy on one that one time. It really made a scene.
That's not

Speaker 2 at all why I wouldn't want a child.

Speaker 2 That sounds like actually a fun thing to do to a kid.

Speaker 2 Big Jay is not wasting gravy.

Speaker 2 You can't spill gravy out of the side of your mouth.

Speaker 2 Yeah, if Big Jay spilled gravy on that kid, he's eating that kid.

Speaker 2 At least the white meat.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Yeah, this seems like a Thanksgiving on Jeffrey Epstein's Island.

Speaker 2 Gravy on our toddlers everywhere.

Speaker 2 That seems hot. Pigs are scrunchies.

Speaker 2 Hot gravy. So much that the kid had to go to the hospital.
That's a lot of gravy.

Speaker 2 Yeah, hot gravy on a toddler causing hospital-worthy burns. Was it like third-degree burns, Mike, or second-degree burns?

Speaker 2 I wasn't there. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I wasn't there. I think this is.
I feel like Finoya's family, they're not overcooking their gravy. They make some good.

Speaker 2 The Finoyas make some nice, perfect gravy. A lot of deer meat.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 A lot of deer. Big hunks.
Yeah, I'm getting Gio Perez on this. I'm feeling that way, too, actually.

Speaker 2 We never had traditional Thanksgiving. It was all the way.
Well, no, it wasn't traditional. You made the fucking gravy too hot and you burned a child.

Speaker 2 Yeah. It didn't go good.
It ended up in the hospital. I will say, Gio, having tons and tons of

Speaker 2 unlooked after toddlers running around seems like a very Puerto Rican type of thing. Just a stray toddler.
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 This feels to me like it came

Speaker 2 out of burned. And they go, which one? He goes, one of them.

Speaker 2 One of the 50. What is his name? I think the name's just baby.

Speaker 2 I mean, I feel like that bowl of gravy came right out of the microwave. Absolutely.
At Gio's house. And they went

Speaker 2 hot. Because two minutes doesn't seem like a lot of time.
But it fucking boils your fucking gravy. Yeah.
And I bet half that gravy is still in the microwave on the walls, caked.

Speaker 2 I can't argue with any of this. This is Geo Perez.

Speaker 2 I'm not going to put it in just yet because, you know, whatever.

Speaker 2 But I'm pretty sure it is.

Speaker 2 Dominicans don't use gravy, so go ahead, waste a vote. What do they use?

Speaker 2 We don't use it. Baby juice.

Speaker 2 Bean juice. That's our gravy.
Oh, like at the bottom of the can. This also could be Giannis for sure.

Speaker 2 I'm very good, I'm very careful with gravy.

Speaker 2 Not toddlers.

Speaker 2 Oh, it does say the person themselves spilled the gravy.

Speaker 2 This person is responsible for hurting a toddler. I ended Thanksgiving dinner early by spilling a bowl of hot gravy on a toddler.
The whole bowl.

Speaker 2 Giannis, you have a child? I have two of them. Two children.
I have two children. Was it your own kids? Was it my kids that I spilled gravy on?

Speaker 2 No, that wasn't me.

Speaker 2 God damn it. Good detective work, Gio.
Hold on. Hold on.

Speaker 2 Say it again. The student has become the teacher.

Speaker 2 No, we, you know, we don't do turkey at Thanksgiving. We do lamb.
Do you guys, really? Lamb. Yeah, there's lamb gravy.
Who said anything about turkey?

Speaker 2 Giannis, who said anything about turkey? It could be lamb gravy, dude. Yeah, I assumed it's Thanksgiving.
We're in America.

Speaker 2 Well, you don't have it. Huh? You don't have turkey, you said.
You don't have turkey? We have lamb and then sides of turkey. You deceitful sides.
Wait a minute,

Speaker 2 your turkey is your side?

Speaker 2 That's making me fucking furious.

Speaker 2 That's how little you think of turkey? Like, oh, it's just a side dish.

Speaker 2 This is a city of immigrants. Why don't you calm down a little bit?

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Free buses.

Speaker 2 Free sides of turkey.

Speaker 2 Yeah. Respect my culture.
Yeah, Lewis is going to start working in a communal garden.

Speaker 2 Now that Mumbabo Umbitwe is the mayor.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 I think it's a secondary. Here's the thing.
At first I didn't think it was this person, but he's kind of sitting over here a little smug right now.

Speaker 2 He's got a little bit of excitement in his eyes, a little glint of confidence. Mike hates toddlers and loves hockey.
And Jason? Mike Finoya is my vote right here. Jason, what? I didn't vote for you.

Speaker 2 No, I thought you would. But I understand why he's voting for you.
You're saying there's a vote. There's something that subconscious has to be going on, right? He doesn't have kids.

Speaker 2 He saw the toddler. He fucking dumped it on his head.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Fuck toddlers, and I burned their faces. I think you guys could be Mike.
It's a massive waste of a vote. Well, I didn't vote for you, but I think.
You already locked it in. Would you.

Speaker 2 I locked it into Giannis.

Speaker 2 You just said. I didn't get one of Giannis' fucking.
I voted for Giannis three times.

Speaker 2 This might be like a trip. It could have been a trip.
I've noticed when you wear usually Air Force Ones, shoelaces are a little tight,

Speaker 2 long shoelaces. Untied all he's got a chain wallet, too.
Chain wallet's leg. Deflection?

Speaker 2 Laces are always undone. It's a deflection.
100%.

Speaker 2 Laces are always undone. You do have a chain.
They asked him to sit out of the picture. I do have a chain wallet, though.
You're not wrong with the chain wallet thing.

Speaker 2 They asked him to sit out of the picture. Maybe because he's pouring hot gravy on him.
Totally.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 That was days. We can't.
You have you beat this picture, you maimed a ton. Yeah.

Speaker 2 All right. I'll hold that freak in the picture.

Speaker 2 I'm going Jay, I think. Oh, really? No, it's definitely Mike.
Votes big J. It's Mike.
Giannis, if it ain't you, it's Mike. What the hell? Why would you say that? Because I'm getting my shit kicked in.

Speaker 2 You're an elite. It's not Geo, right? No.
Too much of an organized Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 God damn right. Prison Thanksgiving is probably pretty organized.
It just sucks. Giannis using the smallest handwriting possible.

Speaker 2 It's Mike.

Speaker 2 Lots of votes for Mike Finoya. You're all stupid.
All of our answers are in. Mike seems a little bit annoyed right now.
He's annoyed. But I gave him points, you cocksucker.

Speaker 2 Fuck me. Alex.
Fucking Jay. Damn it.
Nope.

Speaker 3 Story number five belongs to Mike Finoya.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 Fucking knew it.

Speaker 2 Yes.

Speaker 2 That was a big moment for you to pull ahead, Mike Finoya. Allow me to explain.
Please.

Speaker 2 I spilled a boat, a gravy boat. You know those stupid gravy boats?

Speaker 2 I thought the bottom was attached to the boat, and I grabbed it, and I fumbled, and it went all over my little sister.

Speaker 2 Yeah, and it burned her up. But she didn't have to go to the hospital.
My family's just

Speaker 2 dealt with it.

Speaker 2 But everybody. She didn't have to get skin grafts.
We could have just left her. She screamed.
She screamed so loud, and I felt terrible. And

Speaker 2 yeah, that was, and everybody kind of did like a look what you did. You looked at me.
How old were you?

Speaker 2 I was. 27 years old.
It was last year.

Speaker 2 No,

Speaker 2 I was 13. How old was she?

Speaker 2 Five. Burnable by gravy.
She was five.

Speaker 2 Hospital burns from gravy 12. Yeah, she was

Speaker 2 five.

Speaker 2 She just kept on looking at you going, why, Mikey? Why? Big fucking, big baby tears. Like those big tears.
And she went like, oh, pull it together. Like better.

Speaker 2 And everybody like, I love gravy until now. I stayed home.
They all went to the hospital and I stayed home. Oh, no pictures for you.
The dolphins. And now she haunts teenagers' dreams at night.

Speaker 2 That's right. Ever since then, dude.
We're still very close.

Speaker 2 One, two, Mike's sisters coming.

Speaker 2 We're sorry. I'm sorry.
Yeah, it was me.

Speaker 2 God damn it. Way to go, guys.

Speaker 2 Five stories down, Alex. Where are our points at?

Speaker 3 All right. In last place with four points, Big Jay Okerson.

Speaker 2 Not your night.

Speaker 3 In fourth place with seven points, Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 Nice, well done.

Speaker 3 In third place with eight points, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 3 And tied for first place with nine points each, Luis Jay Gomez and Yaris Paupas.

Speaker 2 I am slowly but surely finding myself out of this game.

Speaker 2 Is that your truly anybody's game, Zilt Jay? Come on, stay in it. I got it.
I got it. Jay has a headache.

Speaker 2 No, I got rid of the headache. I feel a warm, but it's you.
The sex one's you. Alex.

Speaker 2 That was definitely me.

Speaker 2 Alex, story number six.

Speaker 3 Story number six.

Speaker 3 I spent one Thanksgiving with two alcoholics, a trans and a young boy.

Speaker 2 Geo.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 that's jail. That is jail, yeah.
I never thought of that.

Speaker 2 That's just me and my bunkies.

Speaker 2 This is a very progressive Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 I was so locked in the joke that it was Lewis that I didn't realize this very much could be Geo. I'm thinking it's Jenkins.
It sounds like the people you go on the road with.

Speaker 2 Two alcoholics, a trans, and a young boy.

Speaker 2 Might bring Mike Fenoy on. I was on the road with him last week.
What am I? You want to see my cock? One of the alcoholics.

Speaker 2 You want to see my fucking big old pussy? He thinks I'm a young boy. That's nice of him.
No, the young boy's Dylan, obviously. I could have spent one Thanksgiving dressed as Maurisa.
Could be me.

Speaker 2 That was true. Oh, that's all you.
Each one of them is you. Yeah, that's right.

Speaker 2 Stepanos is two alcoholics. You started going crazy in a hotel room doing the thing.

Speaker 2 Could be me. Giannis, first of all, Giannis is like 65 years old.
People don't realize this about Giannis. He's very old.
He's lived a very long life.

Speaker 2 New York, through a lot of different iterations of New York. New Yorker through and through.
This is just like a straight-up, like, Giannis had five roommates. He was 19.
This is just who it was.

Speaker 2 He lived with two alcoholics, a trans and a young boy for some reason. Oh, also, well, it's not just some reason.
I'm Greek, so it was preferred.

Speaker 2 It was actually an ad that was answered in the paper.

Speaker 2 Greek man looking to mentor. That's what they call a lamb in Greek.
I'll say this. Lewis lived in like the hotel where Sid Vicious killed his girlfriend.
You know what I mean?

Speaker 2 Like, he lived in like a shithole place. First of all, it's the Chelsea Hotel.
It is a beautiful hotel in Chelsea. It's not a dump at all.
It's a dump. You're just saying that.
It's not. It's a dump.

Speaker 2 It's literally not. It is.
It's an extremely expensive hotel. It's very nice.
It's a shithole. It's not.

Speaker 2 It's like furnace heat, and that's where you go to kill your girlfriend. You can look it up.
You don't have to.

Speaker 2 Is it nice enough to house two alcoholics, a trans, and a young boy? I assume Eshwa just lives in the hallway. No.
I live there.

Speaker 2 My rich girlfriend lived there, and I stayed with her when she lived there. I mean, really, haven't we all spent Thanksgiving with two alcoholics, a trans and a young boy?

Speaker 2 In Mandani's America.

Speaker 2 Now, this could have been Gio in jail, a trans, a young boy. That's what I said first, yeah.
Two alcoholics at first, too. But what would the young boy be? The young boy be doing there, though.

Speaker 2 Working there. And the trans wouldn't be there.
Like an 18-year-old kid?

Speaker 2 I guess how old are you, Gio? Me, I'm 39. How long? How old were you when you were in jail?

Speaker 2 From 16 to 19. That's it? Oh, you were the young.
No, I mean, 16 to 29. Sorry, 16 to 29.
Thanks. Hell is that your entire identity? So much worse, dude.
Why do I give you all this double book?

Speaker 2 Why do I give you all this credit as a long-time felon? Yeah, no, yeah. Last time I came home, I was 29.
Two alcoholics, a trans, a young boy, a partridge, a pear tree.

Speaker 2 Five golden rings. Yeah.
Jay, you got any alcoholics in your family?

Speaker 2 Yeah, but Jade goes on. Jay's gone on the road forever.

Speaker 2 Passed now. Uncle Mark was an alcoholic forever.
This could have been like a Jay was doing a gig,

Speaker 2 and it was like. On Thanksgiving? Yeah, dude.
You work all the time. We all know that.

Speaker 2 But there's no shows on Thanksgiving anywhere.

Speaker 2 Because of this time.

Speaker 2 it's the it's Jay's law

Speaker 2 I just feel like this is a Thanksgiving environment that uh produces someone who goes to prison yeah right

Speaker 2 I think this was actually in prison I think that the shelter

Speaker 2 moment this just seems a little

Speaker 2 first of all what's a trans and a young boy doing are they together

Speaker 2 like

Speaker 2 they're playing basketball that's right

Speaker 2 that's sad

Speaker 2 I'd take you to the hole.

Speaker 2 Oh,

Speaker 2 we're playing spades. It's got to be Geo, dude.
Or Lewis. That's my vote is Geo.

Speaker 2 I bet my whole fucking thing on it.

Speaker 2 That it's Geo?

Speaker 2 All right, gentlemen. If I don't get this right, I got to be almost

Speaker 2 in this game. Could be Giannis.

Speaker 2 Well, but

Speaker 2 two.

Speaker 2 But also, but it couldn't. It also could be Lewis.
Again, I'm just not to beat a dead horse, but two alcoholics, trans and a young boy. What do we notice here? There's no parents at this Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 Very well could be. That is.
Well, that's the two alcoholics. That's also.

Speaker 2 I don't mean to beat a dead Lewis' mom.

Speaker 2 I mean, but you are a Latchkey kid, too, so this could. Wait a minute.
Yeah, for sure, but Latchkey on Thanksgiving? This is an unsupervised Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 Wait, but the two alcoholics could be the parents. So does anybody have a trans brother or sister or both?

Speaker 2 A trans brother sister? Is it your story?

Speaker 2 Also, this could have happened. This could be Mike because after he burned his sister, they probably kicked him out and he had to spend it with the twins.

Speaker 2 Oh, he might have been in a shelter after you fucking destroyed your sister forever and destroyed her uterus and she couldn't appropriate. It's the day I lost my hair.

Speaker 2 I think it's you, Gio.

Speaker 2 Because this feels like the young boy was visiting the alcoholic for Thanksgiving. Like, it's like someone's kid came to visit in prison.

Speaker 2 I mean, the young boy could have been with the trans person, too. You never know.
Oh, the kid visiting prison. The kids visiting prison.

Speaker 2 I thought it was just, it sounds like, to me, like, just the crew at a table at Thanksgiving in jail.

Speaker 2 Damn. I got to pick somebody now.
It's Gio. Votes for Gio all around.

Speaker 2 Everyone thinks it's Gio Perez. It's pretty on the nose.

Speaker 2 He's also taking a long time to do his.

Speaker 2 If it's not him, we now don't understand the criminal.

Speaker 2 Whatever this song and dance is. We all need sensitivity training.
It makes no sense. Yeah, it makes no sense who does.
Just write any name, Geo.

Speaker 2 No, because it's one of you two guys.

Speaker 2 I'm going to go with Lewis. Do you know how to spell Lewis? G-E-O.
I spelled Louis.

Speaker 2 Holy shit. All of our answers are in.
It is him.

Speaker 3 Story number six

Speaker 3 belongs to

Speaker 2 Big J.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be myself.

Speaker 2 Damn it.

Speaker 2 One around

Speaker 2 one of them. The audience is on their feet, standing obeying.
They're losing their minds right now at home, everyone. You really got to be here.

Speaker 2 Jay, what is this story? Who are these people?

Speaker 2 It's very simple. Two alcoholics.

Speaker 2 Bobby Kelly, Jim Norton.

Speaker 2 A trans,

Speaker 2 Jim Norton's wife.

Speaker 2 And a young boy, Bobby Kelly's.

Speaker 2 Oh, damn it. God damn it.
Damn it. Wow.

Speaker 2 That was right in front of our noses. Damn it.
That haiku style, I thought it was you, too. That's nice writing.
You motherfucker.

Speaker 2 Points. Oh, I'm pissed.

Speaker 2 Oh, I'm pissed. God damn it.

Speaker 3 In last place with seven points, Gio Perez.

Speaker 3 In fourth place with eight points, Mike Finoya.

Speaker 3 Tied for second place with nine points each, Luis J. Gomez and Giannis Pappas.

Speaker 2 And in the lead with 12 points.

Speaker 2 Big Jay Oversight. Is this the day that Big Jay Ogerson

Speaker 2 gets a W?

Speaker 2 Only six victories in 66 episodes of the show.

Speaker 2 This could be the day, guys. You guys are here for history.
That was a big, big round. That was a huge round.
And no, because none of you guys knew I was transphobic.

Speaker 2 Fucking your fault. When he goes, it's you too.
I'm going to go with Lewis. And I went, went, idiot.

Speaker 2 Wow. That's what we all think jail is.

Speaker 2 A young boy, a trans people.

Speaker 2 We wish we had trans people in jail. Hey, real quick, let's thank one of our amazing sponsors over here at Story Awards, and that is Aura Frames.
This is just in time for the holidays.

Speaker 2 I'm glad we got these guys back. Aura Frames have been a gift-giving staple of mine for several years now.
And I also, I'm not just talking that shit. I'm also a client myself.

Speaker 2 Lewis, you've been to my house. You know, my RF frame is right in my dining room on the mantle there.
And I love it. They're awesome.
They're really cool.

Speaker 2 Dude, it's even if you're not a, like, they kind of market it to like moms and like grandmas and shit. Yeah.
They're just cool for anybody.

Speaker 2 Like you're not displaying all of your cool pictures from your phone.

Speaker 2 on your you know nobody's printing them out my sister does that once in a while she'll get a print it but it's a whole process and it's very expensive now you get an aura frame you could have all the coolest photos from skank fest right in your aura frame right at your mantle yeah you could also do this again they do market this to moms and grandmoms but here's things that i think no one ever thinks about r frames you can send pictures directly to the r frame so you can get your boy an r frame and then just start sending pictures of your wiener that will show up in his living room

Speaker 2 jay don't be a childish you could also do your butthole you could also do your other friends wieners you can get a collection of wieners and have it just rotate through on christmas morning for his whole family christmas wieners christmas wieners courtesy of aura frames now or you could just show grandma pictures of the grandkids without her even having to leave the house.

Speaker 2 This is what I'm getting. My Aunt Amory, she has a flip phone, she can't even get pictures of your phone.
Fine, tell me what her R frame number is because

Speaker 2 you can't have my Aunt Amory's R frame.

Speaker 2 Tell Aunt Marie's R frame handle. You can also just preload it and have it ready for Christmas morning with a bunch of photos in it.
And it's an unlimited amount of pictures. That's what I'll do.

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Speaker 3 story number seven

Speaker 3 Every Thanksgiving in my youth, my friends and I would meet up for a game of tackle football before dinner.

Speaker 2 The ground would already be hard from the cold one year one of the guys broke his collarbone this sounds like connecticut finoya yeah this is 100 yeah this is sweaters tied around the neck

Speaker 2 yo what the fuck do you know me yeah sweaters tied around the neck that's only how people committed suicide

Speaker 2 with your friends though it's just people who would like

Speaker 2 sweaters around the no it has to be one of you two guys because if it was me it'd be baseball if it was him it'd be soccer so it has to be the two football guys

Speaker 2 if it was like

Speaker 2 for skin picking oh no and if i wrote this i would have wrote it like i wasn't just learning how to write

Speaker 2 did you say foreskin picking now it's back to lewis

Speaker 2 the ground would already be hard from the cold

Speaker 2 lewis never played football growing up never yeah but this is meet up for a game of tackle football every kid played football that didn't play football not me no i don't think you never once played i don't to this day i don't understand what football is.

Speaker 2 Come on. Like, I don't get the points.
I don't get the downs. I believe you.

Speaker 2 It's not Lewis.

Speaker 2 Sometimes it's three, sometimes it's four, sometimes it's three.

Speaker 2 The only reason it might be Lewis.

Speaker 2 The only reason it might be Lewis is because he said a game of tackle football.

Speaker 2 Yeah, that's like calling pizza cheese pizza. Yeah, exactly.
That's how it feels. Exactly.
That's how it feels to me. It's the way my girl, by way my wife would describe it.
Yes. Yes.
Yeah. Yes.

Speaker 2 You don't call pizza cheese pizza. Right.

Speaker 2 right yeah you don't call football tackle football it's lewis yeah it's like calling calling your television a color television still i'm watching finoya throw this off him so it could be finoya like a motherfucker it's not that maybe you added the tackle so we know that's why he broke his collarbone

Speaker 2 i mean now i think it's you

Speaker 2 it's not me you could write me but it's not um tackle what other type of football is there flash

Speaker 2 touch it's lewis all right it's me okay

Speaker 2 What other kinds of football? Well, there's powder puffs.

Speaker 2 I'm writing Lewis, and I'll see if I change my mind.

Speaker 2 That's Giannis. Where'd you grow up? Queens? Brooklyn.
Brooklyn. Nah, you didn't do this.
You were playing on this. You're playing stickball on the street.
We played against fucking Chasms.

Speaker 2 I assume it's Terry. I assume it's kind of difficult to play tackle football in the streets.
Giannis was chasing black kids out of his neighborhood.

Speaker 2 One-sided tackle football. You couldn't do tackle football until the streets got loaded with snow.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yeah, we played on the sidewalk football, whiffle ball in the street. This is Lewis.
Following by. I mean, Jonas, you've watched me throw football.

Speaker 2 You could have been the center. Yeah, but you...

Speaker 2 Yeah. You have a center and pick up football football.
You're doing a lot of like.

Speaker 2 He's exclusively the long snapper. Yeah.

Speaker 2 But Lewis only comes in on option and Wildcat.

Speaker 2 Hey, I'm Lewis. I'm told I'm a utility back.

Speaker 2 But they also, they have like parks and shit in Brooklyn. Right.
They do. I grew up right by a park.
It is, yeah.

Speaker 2 There's plenty of parks in Brooklyn, and people would play football. Football

Speaker 2 already behind the bottom of the bottom.

Speaker 2 Tackle football. That's how someone broke their collarbone.
In my youth. Who would say in my youth? In my youth.
Lewis, I think.

Speaker 2 Lewis, I think, but also maybe you. No.

Speaker 2 you're my quickly by the way Gio is really biting his lips with pure excitement that no one's even thought about him

Speaker 2 I mean he's really excited oh yeah dude this could be in the yard of the prison

Speaker 2 and the ground wasn't hard because it was cold it was hard because it was stone yeah

Speaker 2 that wasn't frozen grass geo it was

Speaker 2 a parking lot you and your family have weak collarbones

Speaker 2 very pronounced

Speaker 2 yeah but i'm playing with my friends not my family

Speaker 2 no but

Speaker 2 yeah the person says they're playing with their friends one year one of the guys broke his collarbone one of the guys oh yes that was the frail collarbones the friends also I feel like Gio was to say that one of the guys

Speaker 2 yeah I'd use the n-word yeah that's my

Speaker 2 this could be a tip off though that whoever wrote it didn't know how to play football so they tackled the guy hard i'm taking this is not a big football person because of the way it's written.

Speaker 2 It's making me think Lewis. Lewis.
I think Lewis. Gio, you are

Speaker 2 up on sports, yeah? You know sports. Yeah, kind of.
Ah, shit. That was.

Speaker 2 You know how football works. Gio's got an evil smirk going on right now.
You understand how football works. Yeah, for the most part.
Oh, see, now you're playing Tom.

Speaker 2 This is, it's Gio. I'm being honest.

Speaker 2 It's not me, but you can vote me, sure. It is Gio.

Speaker 2 It does sound like maybe it was Gio and this is what the statement he would give to the cops to be knocked down.

Speaker 2 This is so. I don't know.
The ground was hard. He hit the ground.

Speaker 2 I don't know how his Carl LeBron broke. Don't mind the shoe print on his chest.

Speaker 2 So one of the matches, my Air Force Ones.

Speaker 2 In my youth, officer, I did a lot of bad things. Nah, I would have said youth.
Football in my youth. Very Latino shit to say.

Speaker 2 I don't know if it's a Latino. That sounds like a white guy thing to say.
Yeah, we don't use that.

Speaker 2 In my youth. I don't want to say that.
As a young bull. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Latino youth youth is white guy middle-aged, so.

Speaker 2 It's Lewis.

Speaker 2 Geo. I'm putting my vote in.

Speaker 2 Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 Fuck.

Speaker 2 Pronounced Monphenoya. I am positive.

Speaker 2 It's you or Geo. I'm positive it's Lewis or Gio.
I'm positive. I'm positive, unless it's you, and you're doing a great thing right now.

Speaker 2 What you're doing right now is awesome.

Speaker 2 Because you're only working Geo. It's fucking Giannis.

Speaker 2 Hey, yo, hey, yo, chill.

Speaker 2 God damn it. It's Giannis.
It's Giannis. You did the I thing.
Could be.

Speaker 2 It's fucking Mike. It's fucking Mike.
In fucking Connecticut.

Speaker 2 Giannis just thought it was everybody in the past eight seconds.

Speaker 2 That means it's Giannis. It's fucking Mike.
It's Mike. Somebody broke their collarbone.

Speaker 2 It was Mike. That is a white injury.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 It is a white injury.

Speaker 2 White people have some pussy-ass collarbones. We would have a racist.

Speaker 2 We would have just covered them with a kayak and said it never happened.

Speaker 2 Let's go. I know it's Mike.
It's all over the place. All right.
Everyone's answers are in. Alex.
Wow. Our penultimate story belongs to

Speaker 3 story number seven belongs to Lewis J.

Speaker 2 Bonax.

Speaker 2 Ah, yes, we did. We played football every year.
And every year, I was like, I don't know what the fuck is going on out here, guys.

Speaker 2 Are we playing tackle football, guys?

Speaker 2 Did you break the guy's collarbone? No, no, no, no. Somebody else did, dude.
He got taken down. And we didn't even know.
We just thought he was like hurt.

Speaker 2 We were like, all right, Faggot, get up, whatever. And he kind of sat out.
And then he kind of, he played a little bit more.

Speaker 2 And then we found out, like, days later or whatever that he actually broke his collarbone. It's kid Lee.
Shout out Lee.

Speaker 2 Awesome. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Damn it. Damn it.
Damn it.

Speaker 2 I was really going with you. At the last second, when you said Giannis's eye twitched again, I thought it was you.
Yeah. You fucked me right there.
Oh, well, you fucked yourself. Yeah, I did.

Speaker 2 Alex, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Seven stories down.
Where are our points at?

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 3 In last place with seven points, Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 He's in there. He's in there.

Speaker 3 In fourth place with nine points, Giannis Pappas.

Speaker 3 Tied for second place with 12 points each, Big Jay Okerson and Mike Finoya.

Speaker 3 And in the lead with 15 points. God damn it.
Luz Jay Gomez.

Speaker 2 Thank you, double points. This is like the World Series, man.

Speaker 2 This is literally down to the wire. Anyone's game.
Anybody's game. Anybody can mathematically win this game still.

Speaker 2 Even me. Oh, huh? Even me in last place? You could tie this up.
Even you,

Speaker 2 you could play Giant Killer. And I'll tell you,

Speaker 2 you're going to want to win this game because you would get to take home Girl Wars, 12 strategies that will end female bullying by Dr. Dela Sega and Dr.
Nixon.

Speaker 2 It reminds us that while girls can be each other's biggest critics, they can also be each other's strongest allies.

Speaker 2 Through understanding and guidance, ending girl bullying isn't just possible, it's the first step towards raising a generation of women who lift one another up instead of tearing each other down.

Speaker 2 That was beautiful. Thank you.
Thank you.

Speaker 2 Beautiful. One more story.
You guys ready for the final story? Come on, folks.

Speaker 2 Story.

Speaker 2 Alex, story number eight.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 Story number eight.

Speaker 3 My girlfriend went through my phone while at Friendsgiving.

Speaker 2 Oh, my God.

Speaker 3 And ended up chasing me out of her friend's house.

Speaker 2 I mean, Lewis.

Speaker 2 I mean,

Speaker 2 or I don't know.

Speaker 2 Maybe.

Speaker 2 Definitely me and Lewis.

Speaker 2 Is it me and Lewis?

Speaker 2 Never been chased out of a house, but I mean, every relationship I've ever had has ended with a girlfriend going through my phone.

Speaker 2 Chased out of a house is her friend's house? Fuck.

Speaker 2 See,

Speaker 2 if anyone said, you want to come to Friendsgiving, that's when they'd stop being my friend. Yeah.

Speaker 2 I have never had a friend. I'm not a Friendsgiving, and that does make me not like that.
G-A-Y.

Speaker 2 What is a Friendsgiving? Just friends at Thanksgiving? It's where a bunch of dudes get in a room and they start sucking each other off. That's mixed.

Speaker 2 Yarnos just acted like he didn't know what Friendsgiving was. Yeah.
It's the turducken of friendship.

Speaker 2 Wait, this story shouldn't even count because it's supposed to be about Thanksgiving, not friendsgiving. Oh, now it's Gio.

Speaker 2 Fuck. Maybe it's Gio.
Could it be Gio playing a smart friend? Yeah, how old are you? No, you're 39? Yeah, I don't do that gay shit. And I would never run from a bitch.
That's not in my DNA.

Speaker 2 Oh, he did it.

Speaker 2 You never dated no crazy ass white bitch. That's all I dated, but I would never run from them.
This is Lewis or Giannis. Now I'm angry for a different reason.

Speaker 2 Yeah, Fanoi, you're not really dating a crazy chick, right?

Speaker 2 Oh, he's normal chicks. I've been married since the word friendsgiving was invented.

Speaker 2 I hate that word.

Speaker 2 It's an awful word. I say humbug.
This could be Lewis, but I don't see Lewis. I mean, Lewis would go to a Friendsgiving, but.

Speaker 2 Yeah,

Speaker 2 if there was the prospect of pussy, he'd go to Friends, watch Friendsgiving.

Speaker 2 This feels Giannis to me.

Speaker 2 Did you go early because it's you?

Speaker 2 Maybe. Possible.
Have you ever done a Friends giving?

Speaker 2 What has she found on your phone?

Speaker 2 Yeah, Jay's only lived in Philly

Speaker 2 and New York, so he goes home for Thanksgiving every year. Not every year, but I do shows out there now, so I've been going out there for a bunch.
But I will tell you this.

Speaker 2 Girlfriend went through my phone one time, very on record.

Speaker 2 Turned everything in my life upside down, actually.

Speaker 2 But that was the only time ever. It's never happened again because that's what's at the other end of my wallet chain.

Speaker 2 Kids is phone chain to him at all times. Unless you call every meal Friendsgiving.

Speaker 2 You want to read my phone? You're going to wake me up. Jay's the only one on record to have admitted he was at a Friendsgiving with Bobby Kelly, Jim Norton.
No, that was Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 But that was Thanksgiving on Thanksgiving. But it was Friends.
Yeah. Friendsgiving is a different day where they do things.
No, you can do a friends giving.

Speaker 2 You can do friends giving that's not what friends giving is. By definition, it's a different day.
You sure know a lot about Friends giving

Speaker 2 a lot about Friendsgiving. You know a lot about Friendsgiving.
That's very interesting. Sure.
You know a lot about Friendsgiving, my friend.

Speaker 2 Last time that we sent it over this way, I already voted for him. Did he vote super fast? He did.
I voted immediately.

Speaker 2 Yep. Yep.

Speaker 2 Jay votes so quick when it's his story. Vote for Jay.

Speaker 2 It could be Finoya trying to do a a little bit of throwing on a big J right now. Finoy, you got Friendsgiving energy, brother.
Nah, bro, I'm not.

Speaker 2 You think you know me, but you have no idea.

Speaker 2 Oh, the diary of

Speaker 2 Mike Finoya. My last Friendsgiving, somebody ate peanut butter with their fingers, and I was like, yeah, you're going to give me Wades? You're going to give me AIDS.
He blew a snut rocket.

Speaker 2 I'm going to be honest quickly because this feels like this is a very white thing.

Speaker 2 I do.

Speaker 2 Be honest, that's a flavor. Behind me, I never really had a girl.
I would know if Mike had a girl going through his phone story. Yeah, no.

Speaker 2 Lewis, I would feel a guy would know this too, but I could be wrong. This could be Lewis, but Lewis doesn't seem like a Friendsgiving guy where he's going with a girlfriend.
But maybe

Speaker 2 if it's a new relationship and a girl wants him to go to Friendsgiving, he'll go. So this could be Lewis.
My first instinct was Giannis, and I hate fighting my instincts, so I went with it.

Speaker 2 You hate fighting your instincts, so you wear nail polish and

Speaker 2 thread your eyebrows?

Speaker 2 I hate fighting my instincts. And this looks way better wrapped around wiener than just fucking dude now.

Speaker 2 Serafina, put some clothes on. Jesus Christ.
Seraphina, for the love of God, keep putting clothes on.

Speaker 2 Serafina, for Christ's sakes.

Speaker 2 Sorry.

Speaker 2 It's Giannis or Lewis.

Speaker 2 It's definitely not me. I think when I started dating my wife, I had a BlackBerry.

Speaker 2 So my girlfriend going through my phone isn't even a thing. Please don't vote for me.
It's a waste of a vote. But

Speaker 2 a young Thanksgiving would be, according to Jay, that would be a friend's giving, right?

Speaker 2 Like after you're with your family, you're like, let's go meet up at the mall or whatever, have a friend's giving. Well, not the mall.
It's a dinner thing. Giannis, you're trying to throw people off.

Speaker 2 Look at this stupid murk.

Speaker 2 How old is your lady? How old is your lady? I'm trying to shut the building that thing.

Speaker 2 I don't want anybody else to vote for Giannis. Is that what's a play just now? He's like, let's go.

Speaker 2 Could happen at the mall, right? It could be a mall for Friendsgiving. Just be at the mall for Friendsgiving? That's not even.
It could happen anyway.

Speaker 2 Zach Lincoln doesn't even know what the concept concept is. I never heard of it.
What's Friendsgiving? Is that how you guys go to see a movie?

Speaker 2 Is that like a car? Is that like a car rally?

Speaker 2 Oh, fuck. How old is your.

Speaker 2 Is that where we show up? We put all of our names in a bucket, and then we pull out a name, we give that person a gift. Yeah, I've never heard of it.
Seth Secret Friends, Miss. Oh, fuck, dude.

Speaker 2 How old is your wife? How old is your wife? That's not for you to know. All right.

Speaker 2 73 years old. Mike's a gold digger.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 He's hanging in there until she dies. Let's say she's still alive.

Speaker 2 All right, King. I vote my vote.
Giannis Pappas. That was a strange moment that he had there just now.
Yeah, it's

Speaker 2 playing the game right now. He's got a sneaky

Speaker 2 thing to do about it. Ah, fuck me.
What did Mike vote? What did Mike vote? Mike voted for you. Everyone voted for you.

Speaker 2 I should have gotten more points as I voted for you. So here's the deal.
Since their votes are in, it's not fucking me. So it's one of you fucks.
It's one of you fucks.

Speaker 2 I'm trying to win this game, so I'm playing dirty.

Speaker 2 I'm fucking playing dirty. That That was all an act, baby.
I got all four of you fucks. I got you right where I want you.

Speaker 2 I got you right where I want you.

Speaker 2 I got you all right where I fucking want you.

Speaker 2 Because I'm winning this fucking game. Can he win? I've played five times, and if I don't come out of here a victor, I'm fucking leaving like Wally in fucking Wally World in vacation.

Speaker 2 Alex, mathematically, what's Giannis' points at right now? Give me the point spread right now, because can mathematically, can Giannis win this right now? Yes. Yes.
He's got nine points. Yes.

Speaker 2 I'm in a position, it is not me. So let's figure out which one of you fucks this is.

Speaker 2 But if he guesses correctly, you still can't win. It's not me.
It's not Giannis. He can't win.
You can't win. Yeah, why didn't Wally win? Yeah!

Speaker 2 Wally world!

Speaker 2 Ruin Wally!

Speaker 3 If it's you,

Speaker 2 we should have let that

Speaker 4 point

Speaker 3 and you won't catch up to Lewis.

Speaker 2 But what if I guess it right?

Speaker 3 If you guess it right, you'll get four points. You won't catch up to Lewis.

Speaker 2 Giannis, it was me.

Speaker 2 Can I ruin anyone else's victory?

Speaker 2 Yes. Yeah.
Okay, let's ruin somebody's.

Speaker 2 Let's be a spoiler here. Big Jay Okerson is his tell is he always votes early when it's him.

Speaker 2 This is Big Jay Okerson. Oh my God.
He's just giving somebody else more points.

Speaker 2 It's Big Jay Okison. I don't think you should.
I don't think it is. I want to help you get second place.

Speaker 2 I don't think it's Jay. You don't think it is? I don't think it is.
I genuinely don't think it is.

Speaker 2 I think it's you.

Speaker 2 It ain't me.

Speaker 2 I also think if it's not you, which

Speaker 2 it's not me. I don't think it's John is at this time.
Yeah, it's not me.

Speaker 2 Then I believe

Speaker 2 Lewis is the next.

Speaker 2 Yeah, I do too. Lewis could be talked into a friend's giving yeah it's for a chick you want to go to friends giving when you hear that

Speaker 2 I mean it's not it doesn't matter it's Lewis you think it's Lewis I do I genuinely do it's not Jay

Speaker 2 could be Mike

Speaker 2 it's 1 million percent not me I promise you dude oh good it's not Jay you promised you'd never stop having sex with me the only reason

Speaker 2 The only reason we're playing this game and even doing this to this point is just simply to manipulate you. There's no upside in it for you, there's no downside in it for me.

Speaker 2 I just want to hurt your feelings as a friend. It's 50-50 right here.
It's one of you two guys. These two guys are canceled out.
I know for a fact. I want to get this.
I think it's Big Jay.

Speaker 2 It's one of you two guys. I think it's Big Jay, then for sure.

Speaker 2 Friends giving. Have you ever seen the story again? Friends giving.

Speaker 2 Look at Big J. Now I'm thinking of Jay.
I don't think Lewis would remote. My girlfriend went through my

Speaker 2 own and friends giving assists

Speaker 2 and ended up.

Speaker 2 No, it could be, it might be phenoya actually. It's not phenoy.
It's not no, it's absolutely. I don't recall a story of Mike being chased out of a friend's house.
I would have told you that.

Speaker 2 I don't have a lot of good stories. Yeah.
And the word friendsgiving, you wouldn't remember what it was called. You wouldn't be like, I was a friend's giving.
No, he would. No, no.

Speaker 2 Lewis assimilates big when he wants in.

Speaker 2 He sees a white family that has a little bit of capital.

Speaker 2 He'll make friendsgiving work. This could be.
He brings both political signs.

Speaker 2 This could be Geoke getting fresh out of jail, hooking up with some fat white pig who just had a bunch of shit going on, and then she got pissed off at him because he was using her for cash.

Speaker 2 I don't have friends or girlfriends, so this is not me. But you'd have to fuck the big fat girl with a mustache for cash.
Connest Papas putting his vote in. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Big Jay Oakerson is the final vote.

Speaker 2 All of our answers are in. Alex, whose story was story number eight?

Speaker 3 All right, everybody. Story number eight belongs to

Speaker 3 Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 And all I had to do was keep my fucking mouth shut.

Speaker 2 But Gio just said nothing and he just got a perfect full score.

Speaker 2 Gio, very smart to use the term friends giving. Nobody saw a Puerto Rican doing that.

Speaker 2 I'm Dominican, but who was this?

Speaker 2 Y'all call me Puerto Rican. So I did correct you.
He's been calling you that.

Speaker 2 The rest of us just accepted it. Who was this chick? Tell us the story.

Speaker 2 So I was dating this crazy Italian bitch.

Speaker 2 Easy.

Speaker 2 That's all there is in Long Island. I don't have a choice.
Sure. And

Speaker 2 she went through my phone because I was on the road for like two weeks right before that. So she suspected something.
So she waited for me to go to the bathroom. Question I came up.
Was she right?

Speaker 2 Not really.

Speaker 2 Not 100%.

Speaker 2 She just got mad because a girl sent me a reel and I reacted to it. And what the reel was kind of pissed her off.
Kids. It was you sucking your pussy.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, it was like a girl. You're sucking her pussy.
No, it was like a girl. She was just like, show, it just said the caption was like pussy game-like, and she squatted over like a kettlebell.
Okay.

Speaker 2 And then she made it look like she picked it up with her pussy. Damn.
Note to self, go to a friend's giving.

Speaker 2 Good friends giving so when I came out the bathroom, she asked me the girl's name, and then I walked out to avoid the fight, and then she just chased me and ended up trying to run me off the road, followed me to my house, caused a scene, keyed my car, tried to break all my windows.

Speaker 2 Woke up your Abuela. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Your Abuela. Yeah.

Speaker 2 And then we stayed together for like six months after that. Hell yeah.
Very good.

Speaker 2 It's a friendsgiving miracle.

Speaker 2 Aye.

Speaker 2 I think I know what happened here, but Alex,

Speaker 2 run them scores down. Our final scores.
Question mark. All right.

Speaker 3 In last place with nine points. Giannis Pappas.

Speaker 2 Every show. It's every show.

Speaker 2 This is like five times in a row that I'm last place. Well, you made a big mark, though.
You leave a big mark. And you almost guessed me the last one.

Speaker 2 I mean, twice. Finoya messed me up once.

Speaker 3 Tied for third place with 12 points each. Big Jay Ogerson and Mike Finoya.

Speaker 2 It's an honor. I tasted it.
I was right there for a minute. It's an honor.

Speaker 3 And tied for the lead with 15 points each.

Speaker 3 Luis J. Gomez and Gio Perez.

Speaker 2 It's a Puerto Rican showdown.

Speaker 2 Knife finally. Two Puerto Ricans.
One's not Puerto Rican. What will happen? Yeah.
Everyone out to the street for a knife off.

Speaker 2 The way it works when there is a tie, we go to our one final tiebreaker round. One round.
It's just me versus you. They're going to pull up one story.

Speaker 2 It's going to be one of these three guys' stories. So it's going to be a Yana story, a Fanoya story, or a Big J story.

Speaker 2 But before they pull that story up, you or I have to wager between 0 and 15 points. You can wager up to the amount of points that you have.

Speaker 2 Don't say it. Don't say it.
Right on the back of the back of your board.

Speaker 2 You don't show anybody. This is incredible.
This is better than winning.

Speaker 2 The loser gets their. Who's the last place? And what's their score?

Speaker 2 The loser gets their credit score shown to the audience.

Speaker 2 Between 0 and 15 points, Geo.

Speaker 2 If you get it right, you get that many points added to your score. If you get it wrong, that's taken away.
And now

Speaker 2 our final story: the tiebreaker. Story number nine.

Speaker 3 Story number nine:

Speaker 3 when I was a kid, my grandmother had a stroke at the Thanksgiving table.

Speaker 3 I saw the whole thing, and it really freaked me out.

Speaker 2 That seems like a Giannis. That's a good Greek story.

Speaker 2 Hmm. Yeah.

Speaker 2 Let's see here.

Speaker 2 You think it was me? No.

Speaker 2 No, I don't think it was me. My grandmother died two years ago.
She was in perfect health until then. Mom, but didn't say she died.
It said she had a stroke. You could survive.
Thanksgiving tape.

Speaker 2 Yeah, she was the last. Now your grandma talks like Keith Robinson.
Oh, what a play out. Come give mom, mom a pass.
Pass the gravy. This corn stinks.
God damn it. Your fucking corn stinks.

Speaker 2 Could it be Giannis? Could it be Giannis? I feel like it's Giannis. My big fat Greek Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 Absolutely. She had big, flappy arms and made a great fucking chicken lemon soup.

Speaker 2 My mother had me when she was 43 years old. Holy Christ.
Was my grandmother around? Was she not? You do the math.

Speaker 2 I mean, probably, she was probably old enough to have a stroke at the Thanksgiving table when you were a kid. When I was a kid, my grandmother was 51.

Speaker 2 Jesus Christ. Yeah, my mom was a slut.

Speaker 2 Went knees behind the ears from a pops when she was 19. Buddy, I think when I was a kid, I think my grandmother was like 41.
Yeah, no shit, man. My mom was a slug.

Speaker 2 I know these sound like Puerto Rican stories, but.

Speaker 2 Yeah, my grandmother was 35, so she couldn't have had a stroke. Well, it's

Speaker 2 not. She's got a GLR story.
My grandmother was literally when I was born, my grandmother was 36 years old. Yeah.

Speaker 2 No, 35.

Speaker 2 35 years old. But how was she already? She was grandmother.
She was 15 when she had my mom. My mom was 20 when she had me.
It's a common thread with comics.

Speaker 2 How old was she when she killed her first fucking person? Come on, dude.

Speaker 2 It's initiation. I feel like this is a dark story.
Giannis has a little bit of darkness to him. This is why he dresses up as a woman and an old Greek guy, and he has all these multiple personalities.

Speaker 2 Oh, is it Mrs. Papa? The darkness of Mr.
Panos. I'm getting Giannis Papa's vibes.
This is going to be my vote. I'm putting it in.
I don't think he'd freak it. For the win.

Speaker 2 Giannis, this is why you pour all of that anger and inner turmoil into Mauricia. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no, yeah.

Speaker 2 This year. Yeah, yeah,

Speaker 2 no.

Speaker 2 Gio Perez votes for Big Jay Ogerson. Two different answers.

Speaker 2 My grandmother died two years ago. She was fine.
Dude, this was definitely Mike Finoya. You guys fucked up.
Oh, yeah, you.

Speaker 2 I don't know. It's Finoya.
You fucked up. We're going to have to do another round.
My grandmother's still alive. Well, that depends on your points.

Speaker 2 Alex.

Speaker 3 Story number nine belongs to Mike Finoy.

Speaker 2 Wow.

Speaker 2 I knew it, dude.

Speaker 2 And it would freak any kid out, dude.

Speaker 2 I was nine. My grandmother sat across from me and she went like this, and part of her went dead, and her arm went down.
And I was like,

Speaker 2 and I pointed, and they got her and brought her to the hospital. And we were like, fucking Eben because

Speaker 2 I go, bad thing. Bad word.

Speaker 2 And then, yeah, it was her last Thanksgiving.

Speaker 2 And it really freaked me out. I saw the whole thing.
Wow.

Speaker 2 All right.

Speaker 2 Did you still finish your meal? You did.

Speaker 2 Yeah.

Speaker 2 Yep. I was like, I'll be there in one second.
He got startled and poured gravy on a top. Yeah, I grabbed it and jumped in the ambulance.
We were both wrong.

Speaker 2 I wagered all 15 of my points.

Speaker 2 So I went down to zero. Gio.

Speaker 2 First time. Eight points.
Yay.

Speaker 2 Congratulations, bro. That means.

Speaker 2 Wait.

Speaker 2 Hold on.

Speaker 2 I got to ask.

Speaker 2 So now I could say double points.

Speaker 2 Look here.

Speaker 2 Gio Perez, you are the newest story warrior. Welcome to the archives, my man.
It's so good to have you. Thank you so much, everybody, for being here.
How about our amazing panel?

Speaker 2 The great Giannis Pappas,

Speaker 2 the great Mike Finoya,

Speaker 2 your newest story warrior, Gio Perez. I'm Big Jay Oakerson.
And I'm Lewis J. Gomez.
And we'll catch you guys next time on Story Warriors. Thank you so much.
Good night.

Speaker 4 Tomorrow starts today.

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