C03 - Ep. 24 - Brig of Endridge Bay - Nonymo Money Nonymo Problems

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Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, no, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's going to tell you the truth.

How do I present this with a class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

AKA Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

Afternoon, all you Ornilofs.

Teleport into the Stinky Dragon and sip on our latest libation.

Wear your Sunday pestilence.

It's a mixture of feeble-mind flowers, globe of invulnerable tea leaves, water turned to blood, and a sickening sneeze.

One nip of this nauseating nectar is enough to make you wash your hands for at least 20 seconds.

Previously, our adventurers lumbered into a labyrinth of lava.

They uncovered an astronomical atlas, felt feelings, messed with mirrors, and parted ways as a party.

Now they perhaps found a puny prisoner whilst Toll tussles with a scorching serpent.

Pour yourself a potation and let's proceed with this pungent pot boiler.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm your dungeon master, Gustavus Roland.

I'm an editor for players with an arrow.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Hey, Gus.

How are you today?

Stab, stab, stab.

I'm not even going to shoot it from a bow.

I'm going to like Legolas style it.

Melee up close.

Cool.

Oh, it's so cool.

Cool.

This week's.

Does that even work?

Is that even really like?

you just have to be yeah yeah chris is an expert gus just just like yeah

we test out our dnd concepts in live action we should you want to try that i think we should i think it'd be it's it's a good one to try all right chris you're up all right well i'll i'll take i'll get the arrow blain you can be the no no no

gus okay this week's melee arrow question is if your character was on death row what would they ask for their last meal that was submitted by joseph dufour black knight black snight something like that I'm 20.

I rolled 20, so I'll go first.

I feel like close to 40.

I also rolled a 20.

Ooh.

Roll off.

I rolled a 20 as well.

Oh,

three-way roll-off.

17.

Two, three.

So, Barbara, Chris, John, Blaine.

I like how Chris rolled the 20.

I was so confident.

Like, I'm going to go first.

Then there was a three-way tie for 20.

Which means we're not going to get any 20s the rest of today's session.

And then Blaine's here, too.

Barbara, why don't you lead us off?

You got it, Gus.

Anything for you, bud.

GPU.

I am Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Doug Boone, the Bugbear Artificer.

Battlesmith artificer, to be more particular.

I don't know if I ever really talk about my subclass a lot.

We haven't seen Gambot in a little bit.

It's true.

He's been chilling.

But, you know, I don't like to think about deaths very often, Gus, but if I was on Death Row and I had one more meal to eat, I would have a dish of Puffle fish.

Ooh.

Because puffle fish is actually deadly if you eat it, if it's not cooked properly or a certain way, I believe.

And so, you know, if I'm already going to die, you might as well go out trying something that you'll never otherwise get to twine on.

Okay.

You may as well try it because there's no downside.

Exactly.

I was waiting for the reasoning.

I was like, I don't understand why this, but that, yeah, I get it.

You might as well try something.

Absolutely.

Maybe that'll kill you faster than whatever they're going gonna do to you know kill you on death row so it might be more pleasant I think it could be painful course of cyanide please

I feel like I feel like any death that comes from a gastrointestinal experience has to be painful

I think it's a neurotoxin yeah

which is like even worse somehow maybe a numb maybe we'll test that out after we test the arrow thing all right cool it might be the most delicious thing you ever tried, but you would never know because you're not allowed to.

Oh, I like that.

You know how they have those like VR places and it's like a virtual reality experience.

I'm imagining John opening a restaurant called a gastrointestinal experience.

I don't know why that just sounded like a marketing little slang.

It would just be titled John's Gastrointestinal Experience.

That's what it'd be titled.

We'll call it G.I.

John.

Thanks, Barbara.

I appreciate that.

And next up, I think, was John.

It was G.I.

John.

No, it was Chris.

Chris.

Oh, is it Chris?

It's G.I.

Chris.

Hi, I'm Chris DeMaris, and I play Gunther, the Croak Folk Fighter.

And if it was my last meal,

if this was on the menu, I would ask only for one final kiss from my wife.

Oh.

But if that is not available on the menu, then I would ask for an appetizer of bufferfly wings with a main course of a stir-fly

and then grasshopp sickles

for deserve.

You know, I think I would take that over the kiss personally.

The prison guard says, We're fresh out of your wife's kisses, but mine will have to do.

Lynn Merr appears.

All right, that's a

very thoughtful, full course you got there, Gunther.

You have to take advantage of it.

Okay.

get the yummiest, most delicious meal ever.

You did your last.

Is it just me or does Chris always say the most creepiest things during our campaign?

What was that?

What was creepy about that?

To take advantage of it.

If I say it back to you, do you hear it now, Chris?

Do you hear it now, Chris?

Anyway, John, you're up.

What do you want to take advantage of, John?

Come and find me.

It's okay.

Hi, my name is John Reisinger, and I play Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Warlock drag queen.

And if I was on death row and I was getting ready to say goodnight forever, honestly, I would be just so excited because that means I'm on my way to see my wife for forever.

So I kind of think I'd be impatient and just ask for maybe a handful of like almonds and just kind of like pop them back and just be like, all right, let's go.

Let's get this party started.

It's like an in-flight meal.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Just something to tide me over.

You know, I don't need much.

Do you want them warm at least?

Warm?

Like warm nuts?

Don't knock until they try it.

Okay.

I've never had, I mean, I've had, actually, I have.

If you go to Bucky's, they're like covered in like sugary stuff.

They're good.

They're really good.

Honey roasted.

Yeah.

Oh, so good.

They have them under heat lamps.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm a Bucky's fan.

In fact, I get to go to Bucky's in about a month, so I'm excited about that.

What an opportunity.

That should be your last meal.

Bucky's.

Take a while.

That smell permeates, too, throughout the whole store.

It's like it

draws you in.

I feel like a cartoon character when I walk in, like, I'm floating and my nose is pulling me, carrying me to the warm roasted nuts.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Anyways.

Yeah, if it it's if it wasn't almonds,

I'd ask for Buckies.

I'm Naddy Wonder, and I love Buckies.

Sponsor us.

Yeah.

All right.

Thanks, Daddy.

That's good to know.

And next up, we've got Blaine.

Hello, it's me, Blaine Gibson, and I play Toll.

You who?

It's me, Tov, and I am a male or

Thomatech barbarian lover.

Someone should get on that, and it's probably me.

Yeah, I don't know.

Why were you wagging your finger

let's talk about last meals so as a thaumatec i do not need to eat it's not part of my you know uh what drives me my fuel being a robot and all however i would ask for oysters and my reasons are thus one

I could potentially find a pearl in one of the oysters, and I could use this to bribe the guards into letting me leave because oysters are quite precious.

And two, I could break the shell of the oyster and either uh fashion it into a lockpick or a prison shiv, and I could stab the guard in the throat if he does not like the pearl.

Yeah, so oysters, that would be my answer.

I do like the idea that they're bringing you just like full unshucked oysters for you to have as your last meal.

It's like, oh, there could be a pearl in there, just like I like them.

I'm going to take advantage of these.

You also need a shucker to open them up so they give you essentially a knife.

Yep, it's foolproof.

Yeah.

My favorite part is picturing trying to use an oyster shell as a lockpick and just thinking about it snapping the second you put some torque on it.

You don't use an oyster shell for a lockpick.

You use a candlestick holder for a lockpick.

Silly me.

Silly boy.

Canonically.

Canonically, that's what you do.

Yeah, and you sing a little limerick that we all know what a limerick is.

I like that that is just cemented in you, Barb.

I didn't remember that

until you brought it up.

Yup.

Have you looked up yet what a limerick is?

Nope.

That's exactly what I did.

Why don't we talk about limericks in Second Wind, okay?

Yeah.

It's more than a city in Ireland.

As you begin looking, you feel the entire room once again start shaking, very similar to when you all first entered the first room in this building.

And you look around and you see the lava pool below you start bubbling.

And out from it bursts a redwood-sized, heavy-bodied, constricting snake that appears to be made entirely out of lava.

Got an obsidian-tipped tail and white hot fangs.

It looks around the room, then its head darts around and locks eyes directly with you, Toll.

It opens its gaping maw and lunges at you.

The large leviathan of lava lunges out of the pool high into the air.

Its magmatic maw opens wide to engulf you, Toll, and like the snap of a finger, darkness swallows you whole.

A single light glints just beyond your nose.

Something like jewelry or a gemstone.

And then you hear it again.

It's that flute.

It's playing a bittersweet melody.

So you can hear my flute.

Fascinating.

I wasn't sure if that would work.

You weren't in the middle of anything pressing, were you?

Oh, you know, I was just about to get eaten by a big lava smarsh, but other than that, not much going on.

Schedule's pretty clear.

Your vision widens a bit more, and the gem-like glint reveals itself to be a floating crystal flute.

Your vision shifts focus to a draconic figure behind the flute, and the first thing you notice are his striking amber eyes, accented by full moon spectacles on the bridge of his nose.

As much as time truly isn't a factor for me, it

is for you, so I suppose we should be quick about this.

I know who you are, obviously, but we've never been properly introduced.

Maestro Pharynx.

Maestro

Pharynx?

Philip.

I'm gonna write that down.

I'm gonna write that down, Maestro.

He tips his cap and you see draconic horns protruding through the brim.

The floating crystal flute continues piping its tune and dancing around you and the maestro's heads.

For reasons beyond me, your head seems to be in a few places at once.

A rare gift, I must say.

I believe your companions share this trait as well.

With a loud crack, the wall behind you begins to splinter like glass, and the flute's melody lilts slightly.

Oh, sorry.

That's my fault.

Focus on my flute, if you will, and I'll try to stay more on point here.

There will come a time soon when you and your companions will be asked to go to Hyra.

You've heard of Hyra, yes?

Uh,

yeah,

I'm kind of aware of it, yeah, sure.

When that moment comes, when it arrives, you should go.

Go to Hyra.

Understand?

Go to Hyra!

Crack!

The wall to your left fractures, and Fairinx's smirk fades to a wince for a moment.

Stay with me, friend.

Stay with me.

There's someone in Hyra that shouldn't be there.

You and your friends have been adept at finding folks that aren't who they seem to be.

Then, with a crack, the wall to your right fissures, and the room trembles.

Fairingx catches you by the shoulder.

His orange fingers gently steady you.

Uh, this last part's important, and at one point, it will seem like you are outnumbered, outmatched, but that's not true.

You have friends, more than ones you already know.

You'll need to find them too.

Find all of your friends, Blaine.

I mean, I mean, Told!

Crash!

The fourth wall breaks, and reality shatters into pieces.

Your stomach lurches, vertigo takes over.

Gravity unable to find an anchor.

Existence out of balance.

Consciousness swirls into the void, and splash!

A large leviathan of lava lunges out of the pool high into the air.

Its magmatic maw opens wide to engulf you, Tolv.

You have but seconds to react.

What do you do, Tolv?

What do you do?

Oh my gosh, is the speed?

Um, let me see.

Pop quiz, Tolv.

Pop quiz on shot.

I know that reference now.

I'm going to...

I have these things called...

Can it...

Does it seem smart?

Could it understand me?

Make a nature check.

Nature check.

This is a nature check, to be clear, while it's launching at you with its mouth.

Yeah, I know, but I'm getting to see its brains.

14.

You think that there is a cunning knowledge behind its eyes?

Fait!

Don't eat me!

And this isn't me bleeding for my life, but this is just me wanting to make a friend.

Can we talk real quick?

And if it doesn't go the way you want, I promise you I will give you some sort of nourishment that I think you'll enjoy.

Make a persuasion check at disadvantage.

Oh,

making this hard.

Looks like today's your lucky day, Gus, because I got a three

and uh 18.

Oh, wait, no, no, no, 20.

But that you, you take the three.

This isn't gonna go well.

I will say it will

stop.

It'll close its maw, then splash back down into the lava, circle inside the lava, begin like making the lapse into the lava pool, look up to you and say,

What could you possibly have that I would want?

Well, just kind of taking a look at this area.

Are you trapped here by chance?

Are you here held against your will?

No.

Oh, this is your home, and I'm intruding here.

Great, great.

Something missing.

This is going so well for you, Blaine.

This is going so well.

What kind of things do you enjoy eating?

Just out of curiosity.

You.

Thormotex.

Thormotex.

Great, great, great.

Well, as you can see from my skin, I am an orc.

That was kind of a joke.

I'm sorry.

I'll be able to retake that.

I have been known to say yes to new pleasures.

Perhaps ice cream.

Ice cream, okay.

Now we're getting somewhere.

I don't have ice cream, but I bet I could find you some.

Would that interest you?

Because I think that that would taste a lot better than what I taste like.

Because I've been traveling for a while.

I haven't showered.

I'm quite pungent.

You don't want to hear this, trust me.

Pungent.

Like bad pungent.

I'm told, by the way, what is your name?

I am the Volcanaconda.

Volcaniconda is the coolest name I've ever heard, Volcana.

You don't want none unless you got buns on?

I was thinking the same thing.

Flattery will get you everywhere, my friend.

Okay, here's the thing.

I know of a big, stinky poopy pants, and I think he would be a delicious, delectable snack for you.

And he has a whole troop of...

Were they the mongrels?

What were the guys that were with Ironclad?

They're like goblins?

They were like smaller versions of something?

Grumblings?

Grimblings?

Grimblings?

come on, John.

Hit me with the notes.

Come on, John.

I like this.

You like them trying to figure out the name of a trollings.

Trollings.

Trollings.

There you go.

Samson, I was way on it.

There you go.

Inspiration die.

You get it.

Barb with her hand outstretched.

Money piece.

I love in moments like that as it gives me a moment to take a bite of my incrustable.

Okay, yes, trollings.

Okay, so Volcanicada, cool name.

What if you and I teamed up and we found this real bad dude named Ironclad and his troop of trollings, and we could go after them together and they could be your delicious, delicious snack.

How does that sound instead, huh?

And what flavor are these trollings?

Gummy candy.

I was gonna say, what are those things called trollies?

I would say, like, probably

like sweet and sour, you know?

I'm just taking a guess.

I've never had a trolling myself, but I'm imagining that they're gonna take a lot, taste a lot better than I will.

Because I'm-I am-you don't want this.

There's no nutrients to be had from this disgusting husk of a body.

Look at me.

Perhaps.

And what's the down payment?

Down payment.

I'm so glad you asked.

I mean, you said you liked ice cream.

Is there any other things that you enjoy eating?

Is there any sort of like

meats or metals or wood or anything like that?

You're really fixated on food, aren't you?

I mean, you seem hungry.

I'm just trying to do what this is your domain.

I walked into your house, so I know I'm just trying to give gifts so that you don't eat me because you don't want that.

I don't think neither of us are going to benefit from you eating me, let's be real.

Not all eating is for hunger.

Oh, you're bored.

Well, that's just a bad habit.

Let's talk.

Let's talk about that.

Let's get to the roots of this problem.

Anxiety eating, boredom eating.

Let's what's what's something else that would bring you more joy and entertainment than eating out of boredom?

Maybe she wants some puffle fish.

Get out of here, dunk.

Something new,

something

unusual, something

I've not

experienced before.

Okay.

Man, I am at a loss here.

I'm trying to think of...

Dig through your inventory.

I'm looking through it right now.

Okay, okay.

I got something.

I have the perfect thing.

It's going to be a fragrance.

Ice cream.

It's not ice cream, not yet.

But it's a fragrance, and I think you're going to like it.

Do you like nice smells?

Huh?

Never been to the bath in Baltywerks?

Oh,

yeah.

Okay, all right, cool.

You're open-minded to this.

I like this.

All right, so look at my hand.

All right, and then you're going to smell a puff and you're going to really enjoy this.

Last episode, I acquired something called the mittens of mushrooms or the mitten of mushrooms.

It's a mushroom-covered thaumatec glove.

It smells musty, spongy texture, blows near fungus.

Making a fist releases a fungal spray 15-feet cone.

There's a save on it.

On failure, target unable to form short-term memories for 1d4 turns.

Okay, I like this.

I like this.

And then on a success, target loses current train of thought.

This is good.

This is good.

I like this idea.

Just real fast, before we get the ball rolling on that, make me a deception check since you don't actually have something yummy in there for Volcanic Honda.

I mean, you know, maybe I'm not lying.

Maybe

there is something to be had here.

I can't not hear that song now when you say a volcanic conda.

Yeah.

Don't want none and less.

You've got a ton.

The actual line is the anaconda.

Don't want none.

11.

Okay.

The volcaniconda eyes you and eyes your hand suspiciously.

And she pulls her head up high above the lava fountain, getting close, inching closer and closer to you, told.

It seems like her giant head and her nose slowly approaching your outstretched fist.

Okay, and then I say, now enjoy this, and I squeeze my fist and I direct the fungal spray at the Volcanaconda.

Okay, and it looks like it's a DC-13 constitution state.

Is that correct?

Correct.

Constitution on the Volcanaconda is plus one, so I need a 12 or better on this.

Ooh, that's a 14.

So 15.

On a success, target loses current train of thought.

A small puff of mist and spores release from the mitten of mushrooms and enter the volcanic conda's sensitive nose, and volcaniconda blinks a couple of times, looks around, and narrows her eyes at you.

It's nice, right?

That's cool.

Okay, so what I was saying is: if we go after Ironclad and those trollings, we're gonna fill that belly right up, and you're gonna have a great time doing it because they're gonna scream and kick and fight, and we're gonna have a blast, okay, Volcaniconda?

This is what we agreed on, right?

Assuming you make that deception roll, one more, not a disadvantage or anything this time, just a straight deception roll.

Yes!

Not 20.

Nat 21.

Ah, yes.

Our agreement.

And where are these beings again?

I think I saw them by the frigate, but I'm pretty sure that they're closer by.

They're on the move, too.

Have you heard of the Sea Drinker?

That seems to catch the Volcaniconda's attention a little bit.

Yes.

In Volcaniconda, what do we think of the Sea Drinker?

Just between you and me, like, what's your opinions?

She cool, is she not?

What's the vibe?

Worthless.

Worthless.

Totally agree.

Oh my gosh, right.

So, anyways, I think Ironclad should be chasing after you.

You're the bigger fish here.

Okay, so I think we should cut him off of the knees.

We should go for Ironclad.

I think that would be very fun.

Okay,

a deal is a deal.

And then with that, the volcano kind of dives back into the lava pit below.

Colv collapses onto the ground.

He doesn't have lungs, but he is heaving his breath going, oh my gosh, that was so close.

Thank you, new glove.

And then I kiss my glove and I go, where am I?

We'll do a quick scene change here to the others, check in with them, and then we'll come back to you here, Tolv.

I assume we don't hear or see any of this happening, right?

No.

Okay.

So, Naddy and Doug, you all were on your way to the mirror that Gunther called from?

Yes.

Yeah.

You approach the mirror and then you cross cross in?

I would stick just like my lips in the mirror and go, Hey, Gunther,

is it safe in you?

You good?

I like that part of Stargate where they just put their lips to Stargate to see if it was safe on the other side.

I don't know.

Doug, can you hear through your lips?

That's a good point.

I would think Doug could feel the vibrations of his voice and be able to decipher what he's saying.

Maybe if you kiss in Morse code.

I'm married.

No, thank you.

I stick my head in so I could see Gunther.

Okay.

I don't remember how far I traveled.

Is I even visible to the mirror at this point?

You were still close to the mirror because you had just gone through and then you didn't proceed any further.

Okay.

I don't know if it is safe or not, but there is a lava cage with something in it.

Okay.

Well, I mean, you look to be intact, you know, like no, you're not like a 2D version of yourself or have like different body parts coming out of other different body parts.

Not yet.

So I'm gonna come in.

And uh, Natty, you wanna, are you coming with us?

Yeah, I have it.

You cross through and you feel sweltering heat and you see a straight hallway.

There's a marble floor with a chalk outline bordering walls throughout.

There's two alcoves halfway down the hallway.

And at the end of the hallway, there's an arrow-shaped, like it's alcove there.

Two more alcoves that are arrow-shaped.

And there's a cube cage at the arrow's point.

And the cage appears to be made of boiling lava.

Like lava that is holding a shape but still flowing yes okay and if it's a cage I would assume yeah there's visible holes in it that we can see if there's something inside of it any being in there it does appear like there is a prisoner inside of the cage do we recognize the prison lava it's kind of far from here you can just see that there is a small being in there you can't really make out any further detail okay approach yeah as we're approaching can natty just like i don't want to walk by these other alcoves you said there were alcoves before you got to the arrow like just willy-nilly so can natty do some sort of like just making sure we're not walking by like a tripwire or anything that's waiting for us in these little alcoves yeah make a

investigation check it's a cheeky little 14 plus one 15 you come to the alcoves like i said as you're walking down there's one to your left and one to your right you look to both sides and there are metal bookcases at the end on either side on both of these alcoves and it seems like that's it in each alcove.

Empty bookcases or filled bookcases?

It seems like they've been picked over.

There are things on them, but they're kind of a mess at the moment.

Okay.

So, this is more of a decorative architectural alcove where you could put your comic books.

Got it.

I think I would like to go investigate the bookshelf.

Go for it.

Sure.

Do you have a preference which one you go to first?

Your left or your right?

Right.

Yeah, you go up there and begin poking around.

Make an investigation check for me, Doug.

Nine.

You kind of pick through it, and most of the things have been pulled off and just scattered around not only on the shelves but on the floor in front of it.

But as you're looking around you do find a skull scroll.

Pick it up and see what it is.

Yeah, you pick it up and hmm make me let's call it an arcana check.

11.

It appears to be a spell scroll of gaseous form.

Wow.

You can turn into gas.

Oh.

Yeah, basically you can like pass through some stuff.

Okay, could I put that in my inventory?

Yeah.

I assume it'll have the details when I add it, but how long is it usually good for?

Duration is one hour.

Okay.

Thank you.

Then you can transform a willing creature you touch along with everything it's wearing and carrying into a misty cloud for the duration.

So after you pocket that you want to go to the other one, right, Doug?

Yes, please.

And then I would like to look over the shelf here.

Make me an investigation check.

Something better, please.

Oh, man, I rolled an eight.

This bookcase is in a very similar fashion to the other one where it's been ransacked, maybe for lack of a better word, and picked over.

And there's really nothing that stands out to you too much.

You do see one unusual item.

You'd see a heavy-duty drill, like a big heavy-duty drill on the floor in front of the bookcase.

Would I recognize what this might be used for typically?

Because you're a battlesmith and artificer, you know that this kind of drill could be used to drill holes through stone.

You know, there's nothing special about it.

It's a drill.

It's, you know, decent quality.

And in, you know, given time, it can drill through stone, but it seems like that's what it's used for.

Okay.

Could I take it?

Yeah, absolutely.

There's also a 2004 copy of the movie Dodgeball on DVD.

Did you just look up what movie year that came out?

Baby.

What's the dumbest DVD movie that everybody owned?

Dodgeball.

Dodgeball.

So Doug is finishing up in the alcoves.

I'm about to deal with Natty investigating the cage.

But Gunther, where are you standing while this is going on?

I was going to the cage, student.

Okay, so so you both are up at the cage.

Howdy!

We are gonna see if we recognize the person.

Natty doesn't wait to see if she recognizes.

She says, Howdy.

Well, I mean, as we walk up.

It's a pretty big cage, and it has like a 3D lattice structure of lava.

It's pretty beefy.

And inside, yeah, you do see a prisoner laying prone on the floor.

And so, Natty, you call out howdy, and you get no response.

The prisoner laying on the floor, are they human?

Like, what shape?

It's a small prisoner.

Natty, I would say it's the size of your hand.

And it appears to be a squid-like creature made of water.

So, big cage, little squid-like creature inside, big cage.

Yes.

Okay.

How wide are the openings in the cage?

About six inches.

Okay.

Tell me if I can do this, guys.

Natty wants to flick her ring into the cage.

And as she does that, or even just like put it, like with her fingers into the cage.

And then enter the ring.

And then unenter the ring inside the cage.

Oh, okay.

Weird.

Yeah.

Make me a dexterity check with advantage.

Okay.

Oh, I got a nice roll there.

Dexterity is also plus three.

So that's 21.

Naddy's done this before.

Okay, yeah.

You stick your hand through and then disappear for a second and then reappear inside the cage with the ring still on your hand.

Yeah.

Oh no.

Natty, what happened?

Am I able to stand somewhere or is the cage lava on the floor as well?

Or is the floor floor?

Is the floor lava?

Let's say you can stand on the floor.

Can I approach Squidward?

Yeah, Squidward's on the floor in front of you, laying chrome.

Hi, how you doing?

My name's Natty.

How you doing?

Make me a medicine check.

That's a weird one.

Hey, Gus, that's a Nat 1.

Critical fade.

What can I do with that?

Does anybody have inspiration dice?

Micah says it's a Natty 1.

That's my name.

The squid-like creature is sleeping.

Natty starts playing on her auto harp and starts playing the alarm jingle from iPhones.

Like, how does that go?

Yeah, how does that go?

Like the kid got kidnapped?

Like.

Actually, all I can think of as far as ringtones is

so nanny starts playing the Nokia tone.

Natty with the

performance check.

That one's better.

14 plus.

7, so 21.

A beautiful lullaby of the great bard Nokia.

The great Japanese bard.

Swedish, isn't it?

Yeah.

Oh, was Nokia Swedish?

I believe Swedish or Norwegian.

I think it's Swedish.

Wow.

Learn something today.

Filling the room.

However, the squid-like creature is unmoving.

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As I'm close to this little creature, am I able to recognize what kind of.

You said it was squid-like.

Is it like just a little squid?

Does it have hands?

Does it have a face?

Is it wearing clothes?

Is it drooling while it sleeps?

I will answer in a second.

Micah just kind of blew my mind.

That song is based on a Chopin piece: Gran Valtz, Brilliante, Opus 18, Waltz in flat major.

Oh, E flat major.

Okay, I thought it was E, yeah, the other one.

I did not say we.

We all know what's the opposite of flat.

Hold on, I just need to sharp.

No, no, don't Google it.

Sharp.

I think, I feel like someone said it.

Chris did.

Yeah.

The creature's laying face down, but no, no, it's not wearing any clothes.

Naked.

Maybe try shaking them awake.

Sure.

Natty gently puts her gloved hand on the little creature and it's just like, Good morning, sunshine.

The moon says hello.

Starshine.

Starshine?

Good morning.

Good morning, starshine.

Yeah.

Wait, the moon says hello?

It's a Willy Wonka reference person.

The Earth says hello.

The Earth says, I had it all wrong.

That's Natty's version.

Well, at this point, we'll say Doug will have caught up and all three of you are standing by the cage.

All three of you make perception checks.

Also, the only reason I know that song is because of The Simpsons.

Oh, that's fun.

Ah.

8.

19 plus 3, 22.

I also got 22.

Yeah!

Ooh.

Doug and Natty, you both notice that this squid-like creature seems to be shrinking and diminishing as time goes on here as it lays prone in the cage.

I think the lava's hurting it.

How do we get it out?

Is it small enough now to pass through the bars?

No, it's not quite there, but it's getting close.

How big is my mage hand?

It's incorporeal.

Yeah, yeah.

So it doesn't matter if it touches lava or anything like that?

That's a good question.

Let me read what mage hand does.

Well, if this thing is that small, it's probably 10 pounds or less, right?

That's a good question.

It doesn't give a size for the hand, and it doesn't say it's incorporeal necessarily.

It's a spectral floating hand appears.

Well, what are you thinking, Barb?

Well, it wouldn't make sense anyways, because if it's too big to fit through the bars, I was going to try to have my mage hand like carry it out through the cage, but if it can't fit between the bars, then there's no point to it because it'll get

a little big for that.

Do I see any like big rocks or like anything that's like big and flat around this area that we're in?

Maybe from the bookshelves and the alcoves?

Well in this area you're in, there are two additional alcoves here at the end of this hallway to the left and the right.

You look around and you see that at the end of both of these alcoves are metal cabinets.

Could I go and rip a door off one of the cabinets?

Sure, which way?

When you approach the cage, left or right?

Left.

You go over and you take a look at the metal cabinet and make a strength check.

Come on, Doug.

You can do it.

I'm going to use my inspiration, dying.

Figure it out.

Okay, 16.

Total to five at first and 1600.

Yeah, you really, you kind of give it a little pull and it doesn't give and then you really put your back into it and pull down on the door and rip it off of its features.

Doug will look around to Gunther and Natty to see if they saw what he did.

I think Doug is angry.

Naddy, you see that?

You see how strong I am?

Oh, Natty wasn't looking.

Natty's like,

Natty's looking at a little squid creature.

And then, could I go back over to them and try to hold the piece of metal cabinet like in the lava to see if I could make a little pathway for the squid guy to come out?

Yeah.

Like if it's pouring down, like if you hold it so that it makes like a little break in the pore.

Yeah, you stick the metal door into the lava and a small break appears in the cage.

Alright, can I scoop up the little the little thing and hand it through the opening that Doug just made?

Who are you handing it to?

Yes, Gunther.

Yeah, I'll catch

it.

Yeah, hand it.

Don't eat that gunther.

You hand it to Gunther, and as you do so, right after you hand it, the metal door melts and falls apart and clatters to the floor.

So creatures through, Natty's in the cage.

Yes.

Natty can't do the ring trick again unless Natty takes a very long nap.

Well, I mean, I'm sure there's another cabinet door over there.

You want me to go grab another one and do the same thing?

Sure.

All three of you make perception checks.

Again?

Well, that one's only a seven.

24.

I have three, so I see everything.

Gunther sees through time.

As you turn to go to the other hallway, Doug, like the hairs on the back of your neck stick up because you feel like you hear something coming from the hallway back in the direction you all came from.

You turn and you look and you see ironclad and a handful of trollings stepping through the mirror portal that you all came through.

I want to take this, the squid and oh wait, did I see ironclad?

At this point, only Doug is aware at the moment.

Guys, I don't want to freak anyone out, but we got to get out of here like ASAP.

Naddy, you hold tight and could Doug go run and grab another one of those like metal doors off of the cabinet.

Sure.

Natty just

starts playing an auto-harp.

Just nobody knows the trouble.

Can Guther also take the sea drinker and put...

I don't know if that's sorry.

I'm assuming that's an assumption.

I was going to say, I'm pretty sure it's the sea drinker.

Can you take the squid creature and hide it in its bag and also look for a place to hide?

Yes.

Make me one more perception check, Gunther specifically.

19.

I want to say that I have an idea of someone to do so before you move on to to action, Gus.

I do want to say Naddy has some trouble to do as well, but I want Guther to have his chance.

Yeah.

You look for a way to stash the squid-like creature in your bag, and as you're handling it, you know, you're the person now who has the most, literally the most hands-on time with this creature.

You see that it's a squid-like creature that's it's almost like it's made out of water.

It's very flowy.

And as you're handling it, you see that it has a face tendril.

Like a little baby Cthulhu.

Did I find a place that I could hide also away from ironclad?

Yeah, just make a stealth check That's a 14 you try to position yourself around the corner so that you're not really visible to ironclad and the trollings I found that thing of ever-flowing water I think on the ship.

I can't remember what it was called.

Oh, yeah, because I forgot to add it to my inventory

You guys are great

But can I take that and and I give and pour give some water to the little dude or girl or squid?

Yeah, what does that do that item from From memory, it's a

canteen of water that has ever-flowing water from it.

Okay, wait, you put the creature in your bag and then you begin pouring water over it in your bag?

Yeah, I just wanted to make sure it was hidden from Ironclad.

Okay, we'll get to that in a moment as we determine what that does specifically.

Naddy had something she wanted to do?

Yeah, since you said that at the other end of the hallway, we could not tell what was in the cage from that distance, I'm assuming Ironclad can't tell what's in the cage right now as well.

Am I correct in assuming that gus maybe it's also exacerbated by the fact that this creature was so small but proceed i mean let's see where this goes i cast disguised self yes and natty turns into

i can only turn i can go one size oh yeah i'll turn into a small squid as small as natty can be i think i can go one size smaller yeah so you're medium sized typically so you could go small I go small squid.

Okay.

And

I just, and I just collapse on the floor and lay down.

Like Woody from Toy Story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Andy's coming.

And Ironclad and the Trollings have just entered the room and are proceeding down the hallway.

With that, let's do a quick cut back to Tolv.

Almost done.

All right, back to everyone else.

Almost done.

All right, Tolv,

you're by yourself in this big room, the Crystalis room.

Nobody knows.

Okay, I want to find an exit out of here.

So you entered this room from the south.

So I'm going to read it from that perspective.

Okay.

There were descending stone steps and this room was very hot.

It was sweltering heat.

And then as you entered down those steps, a rusty metal door closed behind you at the bottom of those stairs.

And in this room, it was a big circular metallic room.

It had a domed roof with small vents and six crystal chrysalises on the edge of a central pool of lava.

It was bordered with mosaic tiles.

There was a woolen curtain along the northern wall.

You went and pulled that curtain down, and you found two raised tiles hidden behind it.

The west tile was blue, and the east tile was red.

Western tile is blue, eastern tile is red.

Step on blue tile, mist enters the room.

Step on red tile, mist stops.

Warmth and hot air radiates into the room.

Yes, that was it.

Okay, I'm gonna just hit the blue tile just because I think that that's uh it's so hot and lava-y in here, I think a little AC might not be a bad idea.

Yeah, you hit it and it begins misting again.

Okay, Ooh, that's nice.

Oh, that's...

Gotta moisturize my dad's skin.

You gotta take good care of it, yeah.

Are they close, the tiles?

There's a little distance between them.

It's probably 35, 40 feet between them.

Okay.

How much weight is required to press down the tiles?

Or once they're down, do they stay down?

It seems like it didn't take very much pressure, so it's probably not a ton.

And when you it doesn't stay down, it's like it clicks.

okay

I have

a hand axe I'm not sure where or when I got this but I have a hand axe I think you got it from one of the trollings maybe but anyway go ahead possibly I'm gonna put a hand axe on the blue tile and then step away and then see if it stays down you push it onto the blue tile and it begins raining in the room and it does but it does stay down oh this is nice yeah okay then i'm gonna go to the red tile i'm just gonna stand on that the second you step on the red tile that door that closed at the southern end of the room pops back open.

Ding, ding, ding.

Okay.

What useless crud do I not need that will weigh this down?

I kid you not, you can look into my character sheet.

I have two hand axes.

I don't intend on using these hand axes.

So I'm just gonna...

There's crystalline shards.

I want to remember shattering those crystalline

Christameris crystallises.

If I gathered enough of that stuff,

I'm gonna gather a bunch of of the crystal shards onto that other tile and see if it weighs down.

You gather a bunch of crystal and shards, and it doesn't seem like it takes very much weight, and it does weigh it down.

And it holds the button in position.

And then I'm gonna go out that door.

Boopadoo, I beat this puzzle.

Yeah, you go out the door to the south, back up the stairs, and as you get to the top of the stairs, you were met with a why.

You came from the left-hand side, but then the passageway also continues to the right-hand side.

So, and you said I've already gone down the left-hand side?

Yeah, the left-hand side, there was the well that you had appeared in, and there were those butterflies, and you left that area, came up this way, and that's how you got to this room.

Okay, next question: Where are the MCA?

This is the one.

I'm going to go down the right path.

Let's keep going.

No one's looking getting blank expressions, not a lot.

Okay.

He got me.

Yeah, I saw.

Thank you, Chris.

This is a chance.

He doesn't want to get chest.

So when you laugh or smile to yourself, no one knows.

But we know.

For the record, I didn't smile or laugh at anything to cut that blade instead.

I just want to make that very useful joke.

That's fine.

Alright, I'm going to hit the right path.

You go down to the right, and as you do so, in cardinal direction-wise, this is the southwest.

You head down to the right path to the southwest, and it dead ends into a crystal mirror.

This is very similar to the one you walked through in that other room that took you to the well.

Okay.

Loose can do weekend too.

I'm going to jump through that mirror.

I'm hoping it's a portal and not just a mirror.

This is gonna get real embarrassing.

Give me seven years of bad luck, Colt.

You jump through the mirror and it is a portal and instantly you feel sweltering heat.

And before you is a straight hallway with a marble floor with a chalk outline bordering walls throughout.

There's two alcoves halfway down the hallway, an arrowhead-shaped end at the end of the hallway with two more alcoves, and a cubed cage at the very end made of lava.

Between you and the cage stand Ironclad and several trollings.

Does he see us too?

I was watching Blaine's face that entire time you were describing that, Gus.

At no point did he light up and understand what you were describing.

No,

the chalk outline.

I knew what that was.

I recognize.

I listened to your parts, John.

Can you talk about my room?

I got a picture of your room drawn in my pad.

Oh, I'm glad someone does it,

it.

Alright, so, um, is Ironclad, is he facing away from me or does he see me?

Ironclad and the trollings are facing away from you, walking towards the end of the hallway.

I'm gonna make a perception check for them and I'll let you guys know.

I hope they don't see me.

14.

A handful of the trollings turn around and look at you, Tolf.

I give little finger waves.

And then, um...

Fuck.

Yeah, yeah.

I sprint to Ironclad and just, while his back back is turned just slam him in the back with my war hammer.

All right, so just make a normal attack roll on Ironclad here.

I'm gonna rage

like while I'm running up on him.

He probably knows I'm there because I'm growling because I'm raging.

So the quarterboy

and that is a

17.

Nice.

That hurts.

Great.

10 plus my rage.

I get plus two, so 12.

You bring your weapon down onto Ironclad, hitting him, doing 12 points of damage.

You see a smile cross his mouth as he looks at you, Tall.

Oh, you've come back to join.

Yo, and here's my second attack, and then I'm going to hit him with my Warhammer once again.

All right, go ahead and roll that attack.

Oh, come on.

Come on.

It's not as cool when I miss.

10.

Yeah, that misses.

Hey, remember all the good times we had to go, guys?

Like, Severn

inspired you or anything to, you know, I tried to take an inspiration die a little while ago.

Me?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I just want to point out, you also rolled a three on persuasion against that lava thing, and then Gus proceeded to then have an entire conversation with you, despite the fact that you seriously failed.

I think, wait,

panel of judges, did Gus give me an inspiration die earlier?

When did that happen?

Yeah, when you said I was paying attention to your room, I listened to your parts.

I said, take an inspiration die, Blake.

I wasn't paying attention.

All right, cool.

Wow.

Irony.

Then I'm going to reuse my inspiration die that I have.

Yeah.

And we'll roll that attack again.

Oh,

could be something better.

16.

I wanted to fail.

I wanted to fail.

Yeah.

Take that, John.

Rolling damage for that one.

It is...

Not bad.

That's a 13 plus the two from rage.

15.

He, you know, sees the attack coming, and as your hammer is about to strike him, he raises his sharp-toothed mace and redirects the attack and causes your war hammer to hit the ground.

And then in the same sweeping motion, he brings his mace around and strikes you with it.

That's no fun.

Let's see if he hits

17, which plus six, a 23.

That hit.

Yeah, Chris, that hit.

Sorry.

Valid question.

There are volumes of information to the relationship you have with Christopher in how you just said that.

We'll have to talk on second wind about that Home Depot trip Chris and I just took this morning.

Wow.

If you've ever just experienced a day with Chris Damaris, you're missing out.

Wait, you just said if you have missed a day.

If you've had a lot of time.

So anyway,

missing

yeah i'm

that's bad

like taking your son to the blade and sharement experience

he hits you doing 14 points of damage okay i will take seven of that because i am raging you also take an additional seven points of cold damage which you take the full amount you don't your raging doesn't diminish that well

dole's having a bad time.

And the cold

goes down to your core.

And it's like, ooh, you were really hot in the lava room with the volcanic condo, but now you just feel really cold.

It's not very chill of him.

It is chill of him.

The effect is called chilled.

So from a metagame perspective, you're at half speed and you can only make one action or bonus action until the start of Ironclad's next turn.

I'm just going to stop responding because Gus is just going to keep flaring more attacks on me.

Everyone, go ahead and roll me initiative just so I can keep track of this

i'm seepy i'm pulling off doors on things 10

15

21 9 i was thinking it would be very funny if natty did in fact turn into this little squid that they do think is if this is the sea drinker tbd that they end up taking natty and then we just don't have natty with us anymore

she's gone mission accomplished later just disappears into your ring and then they're like i'm prepared to make that sacrifice.

So the initiative order is going to be Doug, Gunther, Told, Natty, then Ironclad, and the Trollings.

Doug, you're up first, and then after you use Gunther.

Where am I currently?

Like, am I over in the alcove getting that door or am I right?

You are around the corner in that alcove, but you were aware that Ironclad and the Trollings were there.

You just might not know that Told was there, but I'm sure you heard scuffling now out in that area.

Okay, could I quickly look around this area and see, like, look around, see if there's anything that might help me in the situation, like a weapon or any other spell scrolls?

For you, anything.

Wow.

Wow.

Make an investigation check.

Eight.

So, there's a metal cabinet here that's open and appears to be pretty much rummaged through, and there's not much left.

You do find a single thick piece of speckled chalk.

Okay, speckled chalk.

Yeah, it's kind of heavy.

The room was outlined in chalk for some reason, also.

Oh, I totally forgot about that detail.

Could I pick it up?

Yeah, ooh, it's heavy.

Make me an arcana check.

Okay.

It's 20.

You've heard of this kind of item before.

This is what's referred to as the chalk of truth.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, what do I know about it?

This allows you to draw an outline on the ground, I guess presumably, and it's the same effect as casting zone of truth.

Anyone within the boundary of the chalk is under the influence of zone of truth.

And this whole room is chalk outlined?

Out of curiosity, is there finite?

The chalk?

It's not mine, but I'm just curious.

It is finite.

It appears there's probably enough to draw about 10 feet left.

Oh, okay.

But Gunther already saw that this whole room was outlined in chalk?

Yeah.

Okay.

Before you proceed, Doug, do me a favor.

The three of you who were in here earlier, make me Constitution Saving Throws.

13.

11.

15.

It's really hot in here.

Natty, you're dealing with it okay, but Gunther and Doug, it's just like, it's really starting to wear you down.

Metagame-wise, both Doug and Gunther, you take one level of exhaustion.

Oh my goodness.

Gunther, you're from the desert, man.

What are you doing?

Yeah, you're out of practice.

We're going to do a quick homebrew adjustment here to exhaustion.

Instead of what it normally does, we're just going to have it be minus one to your roles outside of combat until a long rest.

It's a little easier to remember.

So other than the like combat stuff, so like any sort of attack or damage.

Right.

Okay.

All right, Doug.

I was in the process of trying to tear off another metal door, so could I finish doing that?

Yeah, make me a strength check.

Okay, 14.

It was going to be a nat 20, and then it rolled over to a 14.

Still okay.

Still good enough.

You know how to how to do this now.

You have some experience from the other side.

You put your back into it,

put all your weight down into it, and rip the door off.

And yeah, it's in your hands.

Okay, so could I run back into the room holding this door?

Yeah, you're able to run down.

It's not very far.

It's 10 feet maybe.

And I don't know if I'm allowed to do this all in one turn, but I want to put the door under the lava for just a brief moment in time and then try to whip it at Ironclad.

Shape it up.

Whip it good.

Is your goal to try to help Natty get out or is it just to make it like a lava weapon that you're throwing at Ironclad?

I want to do a little bit of both.

I want to like make a little gap for Natty to run out under, but also then before it melts, throw it at him because a metal door that's like half melted with lava, I think, is gonna hurt real good.

I don't know, melted metal.

When has it ever hurt anyone?

Onto skin, I know.

You run up to the cage, and it looks like Naddy's no longer in the cage.

There's a small tan-sized squid-like creature in the cage.

Mind having deja vu.

I feel like we already saved a little squid in this cage this way, but uh, hey, little guy, come on, slit it out of here.

Could I like just reach under and pull it out?

Yeah, you're able to grab Natty.

It's an illusion, so you'd just be grabbing Natty.

It's an illusion, so you still have to have the size to fit through?

Is that correct?

Chris, what are you doing?

Chris, what are you doing?

I mean, I would probably put it like at my height, you know, like I would just hold it kind of.

It's big enough to get Natty.

Natty

perks up and goes, hey, Dad.

And I guess I would have to wait for my turn to move.

Yeah.

Okay.

Oh, then I don't know if this is going to work then.

You got to wait.

You have to hold it.

So you couldn't throw it.

Right.

I guess at this point we would be out of action because you ripped the door off, pulled Natty, and you're still holding it.

So yeah, there would be nothing left over to throw it.

That's fine.

My priority is getting Natty out.

Natty's out of the cage.

Thank you, Doug.

Doug did good.

All right.

Doug do.

Doug do?

Doug figured it out.

Doug did.

Diggy dud.

Alright, that's it for Doug.

Then it's Gunther after Gunther is told.

So I was already pouring the water.

Yeah, you are pouring the water onto the squid-like creature.

Make me a perception check, Gunther.

11.

The creature still appears to be unconscious, but it doesn't seem like it's diminishing in size any longer.

Okay, I'm going to whisper to it.

Soft J.

Or Sea Drinker.

We're here to help you.

Does it respond?

No, you get no response.

Okay.

That's a good callback, though, Chris.

I'm impressed.

Yeah, no, I I had a great

I was proud of it.

Well, I don't want to blow my cover.

I'm going to stay hidden and see how this plays out.

12's got this.

Yeah.

Nursing the

sea drinker, presumably.

Well, I'll give you the option, Chris.

You can either keep your existing stealth roll of 14, or if you want, I'll let you roll stealth again to try to hide.

Even better.

Buddy, no, but

you got to take what you roll.

If it's worse, it's going to be the worst roll.

yeah yeah all right i'll do it he'll take that gamble yeah you want to trade door number one for door number two

timely reference gus he rolled a 10.

i have an inspiration die okay door number three

18.

all right yeah that's a little better because i think my last one was 14.

yeah and this is an outside of combat roll so it'd be a minus one so it's 17 which is still better than 14.

so yeah

i think gunther likes to or does that thing he sees like frogs sometimes where where they like get real flat or they like to try to like squish themselves down to get even smaller.

So that's what Gunther presumably is doing.

Anything else Gunther?

Is it frogs that do it might not be frogs that do this.

It might just be lizards, but they do the thing where they get down in the dirt and then they vibrate a bunch and then they disappear into the sand.

I think that's more lizards.

I think it's lizards, yeah.

Yeah, and I'm just gonna keep

the sea drinkers drinking up and then wait on my actual like action to see what happens.

Okay, in that case, we go over to Toll and after Tollv is Natty.

Okay.

You who?

You who?

It's me.

It's me, Tolv.

Say, this.

Hold on, hold on.

Let me collect my thoughts.

We're gonna be here for a while.

No, no, no,

I'm pursing through.

Got a filing system, and we're there.

Okay, great.

I'm glad I've had enough of your trouble.

You cannot take the sea drinker, and I have brought backup.

It's time to heat things up.

I summon you, Volcanaconda.

Please, God, please, just come.

I was wondering where that was going to go.

Um, make a

okay.

First of all, just roll me a D20.

This is for me.

Okay.

It's gonna be hilarious if nothing happens.

I'm gonna have egg all over my face.

17.

Okay.

Now make me a persuasion check.

I love how little each of us us knows about what happened in that five-second period of time.

I know.

We're just like, huh?

Who?

I hid.

You became a duplicate.

You got a door and you ran in and hit.

It's like, God.

Well, we're all our own people, you know?

That was a 50.

We contain multitudes.

Okay.

One second.

Communicating?

Sure.

When do we tell people that Micah is actually AI bot that Gus has to talk to?

He drinks so so much water.

In the comments for this, let me know what Micah stands for, for our AI chat bot.

What version are we on?

Okay, you summon the Volcaniconda, and nothing seems to happen.

Who could have seen that coming?

Um,

I said

it's it's flame on

Volcaniconda, it's time to duel.

Are you trying again?

I point at the vault at the lava bars behind Ironclad and I say, there it is!

Does he look?

I'm gonna make a

roll here

how many how many does how many tries at these tricks does does Blaine get Gus I think Ironclad

all of them

all of them

okay that's very generous I'm here for it I'm here for it I think ironclad might be worried might be worried about you at this point um I'll tell you what go ahead and roll me a charisma saving throw colt okay uh hold on really quick rage what kind of advantages does it give me on the character?

Not charisma.

I can tell you.

I can tell you without looking at your character sheet.

There's nothing about rage.

Inside hurts.

Five.

Oh my gosh.

Oh, the hubris.

You point at the cage and open your mouth, but you can't make those words come out.

Oh.

Zone of truth.

Well, even with the point, does he look?

Does he look?

So, wait, what does that sound like?

This is our best combat ever, everybody.

Okay, I just want to point that out.

This is our best combat.

Colv uses halitosis against Ironclad.

Yeah.

Yeah, Ironclad just kind of like furrows his brow, looks at you, and asks, Are you okay, son?

I hit him with a warhammer.

All right, that is good Good lord, Blaine.

What are you doing?

12.

That does not hit.

I go for another strike.

I roll again, because this is my second attack.

Alright.

I was just picking up momentum for this one, which is

17.

Okay, that hits.

Now, I know what you're going to do.

Alright, here's the damage.

You're just going to make me do this.

It's just to dash my hopes.

8 plus 2, 10.

Yeah, you bring your Warhammer down and strike Ironclad, doing a full 10 points of of damage.

Okay, all right.

Go told, yeah.

He doesn't have another reaction, so he can't do it again.

Okay, between you and me, something cool was supposed to happen.

This is kind of a letdown for the both of us, all right?

I thought this was gonna really things were going to pop off.

I'm so confused.

Alright, so Toll, you took your two attacks.

Is there anything else you want to do?

I do want to remind you you're chilled, so you wouldn't even have your bonus action.

Is that going to be it for you?

Sounds like that's it for me

Netty, it's you then after natty's ironclad and the trolling's gonna go back up to the top.

Okay

Man

Natty, I don't even know if disguise self turning that off requires time.

It's at will so I can like stop being a squid if I want, but I'm not.

Yeah, I'm not.

I'm gonna confuse the heck out of these guys.

I'm gonna stay as a little squid.

She's a squid.

She's a kid.

Yeah.

Don't punch her.

Okay, so Ironclad and his backup dancers are in the hallway.

Yeah.

I would imagine they are quite close together.

Yes.

In a group.

Yes.

Which is great.

Because a group is in the shape of a moat.

Okay.

The moat of hell.

Did say things would heat up.

So.

Just a little delayed on the punchline.

Natty raises her little tendrils and screams

in a southern accent that sounds like a squid and just goes, Mow to hell.

Nice.

And that goes, and I will read you what that happens.

You manifest a pocket of hell, 15-foot radius sphere.

So I'm going to need you to gather as many of them little trollings in that 15-foot radius as I can.

I think you can get all of them.

Yeah.

Good.

And Iron Butt?

Yeah.

Thank you.

Is that we're going to call them now canonically as well?

I'm fine with that.

And then, so they're going to need to do some rolls.

Creature starts their turn in that area takes 3d6 fire damage.

Creature ends their turn in that area must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or take psychic damage that I can roll for.

And also, as a reminder, no light can escape or enter it, so they are blinded as well.

Okay, and I assume you're a good friend to Tov, so you do not include him in the mode of hell.

You who?

Tov's there?

Yeah, he's up there like throwing a Warhammer.

I'm messing, guys.

Oh, okay, okay.

Of course, he includes me.

Weak, weak.

Okay.

No, Natty loves Tov.

Okay.

John.

Well, we'll see.

So, in front of you, Tov, just this wall of darkness raises, and you're unable to see Ironclad, who was standing in front of you a second ago.

Oh, cool.

Yeah.

I knew you'd come up, Volcaniconda.

But Tov can hear, because it's described in there that you can hear the cries of damned souls 30 feet from that thing so you could just hear just nice cries of uh darned souls

oh is that what it sounded like yeah that was like one of them beautiful so they will make their saves at the start of their turns because it seems like that's when the damage kicks in they will take their damage at the start of their turns and then if they end their turns there they do a saving throw Okay, I see.

Okay, fire no matter what.

Psychic if they stay there.

Okay, got it.

Which, I'm going to point this out.

How wide is the hallway?

You might have built it.

Let me look.

That's what I'm hoping.

So then if they want to get out of there, I'm imagining that you would probably need to do some sort of like roll to see if they can actually go the right direction and not straight into a wall.

It's pretty narrow.

It's only

not even 10 feet wide.

Perfect.

Nailed it.

How am I going to get over this moat of hell?

It's a little moat for me.

Nanny.

Nanny puts a little squid paw out for Doug to give high five.

Am I allowed to high five it even though it's not my turn?

Yeah.

Free action.

Free action.

Micah, I'll make the sound effect for this.

I'm also just thinking about like squid in like the fur of a paw.

Like just

now, Micah's asking a great question.

What is a squid paw?

What does it look like?

I think it would be a tendril or a tentacle.

Yeah, there you go.

Okay, anything else, natty?

No.

I was gonna, I thought of something, I was like, nah, that won't work out.

So, no, I'm good.

I'm just gonna hang there.

I don't think there's any bonus actions that I need to take or can take.

So, yeah, let's just call it there.

You know, Gus, let's just call it there.

Okay, I can't believe I'm gonna say this.

You want Giggy to do anything or?

No, I was gonna send Gigi in, but Gigi would take damage.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Gigi is going to run to the edge of it and just kind of dance there excitedly, just wanting to get into the little mode.

Just like, all right, just waiting for someone to come out.

Just waiting for someone to come out with his little, he's got a little axe in his hand.

He's like,

Shadow box it.

Yeah.

The first creature that comes out, Giggy's taking a swing, readying that attack of opportunity.

Yeah.

Okay, so then it is Ironclad's turn.

Ironclad is starting their turn in the mode of hell.

So instantly, that is 3d6 fire damage.

Why don't you roll that for me to make it fun, John?

What a go, John.

Yeah, that's a what's that a three?

Uh, that's a five, and that's a three.

So 11.

11 points of fire damage.

Okay, so Ironclad's in it.

Tov was in front of him.

Fully blinded.

Yeah, fully blinded.

Unsure.

I think he would take a step forward to try to get out of it in the direction he was facing.

I'm going to roll a d4.

A one is bad for Ironclad.

Anything else is fine.

Two.

All right, yeah, he successfully takes a step in the right direction, exiting the moat of hell.

Look of horror in his eyes, standing next to Toll.

Tov, if you wanted to take an attack of opportunity, you would be able to at this point.

You know, I want to.

I had a thing.

It was a kind of a reaction, I think.

It wasn't opportunity of attack.

I think it might have involved the proximity of friends, though.

So I don't know that it's applicable here.

Guardian, immediately after a creature within five feet of you takes damage, takes the disengage action or hits a target over other than you with an attack.

You make an attack with opportunity to halt.

When you hit a creature with an opportunity attack, the creature's speed becomes zero for the rest of the current turn halt if you hit him he will be unable to move any further okay so if i hit him into the moat could i make him halt in the moat well he's moved out normally you would have to like hit him and then shove him but it's it's just a reaction right so you only have the opportunity to hit could i do a shove as my opportunity attack back into the moat oh that's interesting an interesting idea i'll say this we would do a strength check you against Ironclad.

If you are able to beat him in a strength check, I'll say it's an opportunity attack.

You do like one point of damage, but you do shove him back into the moat.

Okay.

Well, I have advantage on strength checks and saving throws because I'm raging.

Yeah, you got that going for you.

All right.

I'm going to do that.

I have a plus four on this.

You want me to roll first or you want to roll first?

Well, really quick, I have...

I get bludgeoning damage.

Can I take that?

Oh, yeah.

Four.

Oh, it's just four straight?

There's no no roll.

Like, that's your modifier.

You have a plus four, but like for anything, then that's what it rolled there.

I mean, yeah, sure.

I said one before, but four, sure.

Okay, four.

And then do I get the plus two because it's melee damage?

Oh, well, strengths, weapons, though.

I feel like

we're already.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Gus.

Don't even worry about it.

I'm just goofing around.

We're just having a fun.

Okay, yeah, you go ahead and roll your strength check.

All right.

That is a 15 plus four is a 19.

Okay, and so I'm going to make my my strength check, and I have advantage because I'm raging.

I'm going to do this.

Yes, come on.

Come on, one.

Come on, that one.

Come on.

What are you doing?

Gus, don't.

Come on.

You fart.

That's a one.

No.

All right, hold on, hold on.

I just need to.

Wait, but both of them?

No, no, that's his first draw.

No, just the first one.

I just need to.

I need to warm up my hands, Chris.

Just do it.

All right, wait.

Roll on the dice.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Eight.

Hey, call for the lava sneak again.

Maybe that'll help.

Yeah, you put your hands out and you know, really give your best shove on Ironclad, but he's just unmoving.

Okay, you know how, like, when you start to do something, but it's kind of failing, so you just kind of like,

I start to push him, and then I just kind of dust him off.

I mean, you go,

but you just pull these things off of you.

My goodness, is this ash from the Moach of Hannah?

My

Yeah, so

he does manage to step out and he's standing next to you.

He's going to take a swing at you with that shark tooth mace again.

Ooh, and

that is a hit that is a critical hit for him.

What?

Are you sure?

Doing

16 points of slashing damage.

Okay.

So you take half of that.

Eight.

Aren't you proud of me?

I did math, Papa.

On top of that, he does an additional seven points of cold damage.

Oh.

This is the part of the Pokemon game where I'm going, me doo, me do, me do.

Good thing that he only has that one attack.

Let's.

All right, who's next in initiative?

Let's move on.

You started this.

You started this.

He brings the mace around again.

Uh-huh.

Doing.

Oh my god, this is not good.

For you or blame

20 points of slashing damage.

Will that only be 10?

It doesn't matter, Chris.

Cold is down.

Cold falls to the ground, and uh, uh, a smirk spreads slowly across Ironclad's face.

My words right before I go down were Volcanicon.

I tried to make a new smarsh we could have had a volcanic conda day we could have had volcanic conda merch all right Gus and Micah wouldn't you like a volcanic conda scarf this is the you guys this is your missed option this is that my

I did my part yeah now it's just a volcanic canta on

never mind

we're dead in the water here Chris Ironclad shakes his head and says poor Toll what's happened to you?

And I guess there's no one else for him to attack.

He can't, he does not, I should say, not that he can't, he does not want to go back through that moat.

So he's going to wait on this side of the moat for now.

And it is the trolling's turn.

All right, so they all take 3d6 fire damage at the start of their turn.

Yeah.

Do you want me to roll one for each of them or just a steroid?

I'll leave it to you.

Which do you prefer?

How many trollings?

Four.

I'll stick one for all of them.

All right.

Four time.

Crit six.

Four.

Not bad.

Three.

Not bad.

13.

Not bad.

Above average.

So, oh, and they don't know because they're in the middle of

the moat.

Yeah.

I'm going to roll, and they're more in the middle than Ironclad was.

Yeah.

So again, I'm going to roll a D4.

Only a number four is good for them here.

Any other number, and they get lost.

They don't know what direction to go.

You do an individuals or as a group?

Group.

Two.

Yeah, you should do it as a group.

That's good.

That's good.

Don't do it as a group.

He was ready to say the opposite.

Pick on a four, you're like, you should do it for each of them.

All right, so

they're unable to leave the moat.

Yeah, they try to leave the moat, but they don't go in the right direction.

So the four of them are stumbling around in the moat, unable to escape.

So they end their turn in the moat, which means they need to make a DC15 wisdom saving throw, correct?

correct sir and you'd be shocked to learn they have a minus three on this roll so i'm just gonna roll once for all of them they need an 18 or better cool

that's a six which is a failure this spell is so powerful super powerful yeah yeah so powerful i can't cast it many times

all right i'm gonna roll for psychic damage four

six

Two, twelve.

Everyone except Toll, make me a perception check.

Alrighty.

You don't want me to to perceive?

No, no, no.

You're not perceiving much right now, big guy.

20.

Okay.

9.

18.

So with a 20 and an 18, Doug and Natty, you hear the sound of four bodies hitting the floor.

Let your body hit your floor.

Let your body kick your floor.

Natty joins in with...

I like to imagine that Natty actually can do that like really deep, raspy, heavy metal voice.

Okay,

then Natty will drop the spell.

Okay, it's no, Natty will not drop the spell.

Natty will not drop the spell.

Are you sure?

Cause uh, ironclad's on the other side.

Yeah, but if we want to get to Tov, are we able to with that spell up?

Okay, let's assault this world.

Doug, I think I took care of the red shirts.

How are we going to get to Tov?

I mean, is there like a way around this area of effect here to get to him?

I don't know if I don't see any other way.

No, maybe could you throw Gunther over the moat?

Well, I don't think you'll know where I am.

Yeah, I don't know.

See, I don't even know if he's close enough for Jeeps to grab and throw.

I would drop it.

Okay.

I'll drop it.

I'll drop it.

I'll drop it.

Okay.

Gigi attacks.

Moat disappears.

Giggy would attack, but Ironclad moved to the other side.

Okay, okay.

Giggy, then Giggy attends to Tollv.

Oh, okay.

attacks one of the dead goblin things.

Yeah.

Trolls.

Trolling.

He's trolling.

Gigi does want to attend to Tolv.

Okay.

I will say Ironclad is up there as well.

So it would put Gigi like in harm's way with Ironclad.

Could Giggy get to Ironclad then?

Conceivably, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, then I want Giggy to attack Ironclad.

Okay, go for it.

Yeah.

He was ready.

And there's all these dead bodies and you know, you can do anything to them.

Go for it.

Okay, Giggy rolls for an attack.

Wait, okay.

before giggy does that can giggy make a perception check giggy can make a perception what does giggy perceive with his special eyes

they're just wall-eyed staring in two different directions

perception is a wisdom modifier

rolled a one

all right what does giggy see what does giggy see giggie giggy sees red giggy sees toll on the ground and ironclad standing up there

giggy blinks with each individual eyelid.

Yeah.

At different times.

All right.

Go for it, Giggy.

Okay, cool.

Giggy rolls 15 plus one.

So 16.

But if this is what the axe we've been saying, Giggy has disadvantage because it's big.

Help me, Giggy Vonda.

You are my only hope.

Giggy rolls 19.

Oh,

my butt.

So yeah, the lowest rolls to 16.

Which

kindly eat my butt.

No, it's already out of the way.

Which connects.

All right.

Let me see.

2d6.

3.

4.

7.

Seven points of, I presume, slashing damage with that axe.

Yeah.

Every time, I think I say it every time, but I feel like Giggy spins up like a top with that axe swirling around, like the Tasmanian Devil with an axe on the outside.

It impacts Ironclad right in the shins.

It's like Link in when he's like doing his little spin attack in like Tears of the Kingdom.

Yeah, yeah.

That's pretty good.

He did that too.

Okay.

Is that it for Gigster?

Yeah.

Or like Tasmanian Devil.

That's what he said.

That's exactly what I said.

I don't know if it would have affected anything with our roles, but I remember we were supposed to add negative one to like when you asked for like perception.

Oh, so like even perception checks inside of combat are still not affected?

No, you're right.

That would have been outside.

I didn't make Giggy roll or I didn't make Giggy take exhaustion, but you're right.

Giggy should have.

Yeah.

I just meant like

I don't think anyone's been within one of a role anyway, so it wouldn't have affected anything.

And

Natty succeeded on that.

Yeah, I think it was just me and Gunther that took exhaustion.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Correct.

Okay, we're back up to the top of the initiative.

Doug, it's going to be you, then Gunther.

Doug, make me a perception check.

Minus one.

Minus one.

Well, that was a nat 20 for a 26, so it'd be 25, I guess.

Wow.

You feel the ground beneath your feet beginning to slowly rumble.

You see the cabinets slowly start shaking on the ground.

Uh.

you know, judging by the fact that we saw lava in here before and this is shaking, I don't got a good feeling about this.

That might be a little bit of an eruption at some point.

Well, we're just at the bottom of the sea floor where the upper crust of the world is, and there ain't nothing under that crust that's that's dangerous.

We'll be eating cuff of it soon.

As you say that to the party, one of the walls in the hallway bursts open, and a giant redwood-sized constricting snake made of lava with an obsidian-tipped tail and white-hot fangs bursts through the wall, hissing, looking around the room.

She speaks one word: Ice cream.

It's so stupid.

Volcaniconda's queen!

Natty yells back, what flavor?

Volcaniconda looks around and sees Tove lying on the ground, unconscious, an ironclad and giggy right by him.

She looks around.

Does she see Gunther?

I'm going to make a roll.

She would see you.

Yeah, he rolled a 17 plus a couple.

Coming next year to our Patreon is a tier called Volcaniconda Supporter.

Yeah,

silly.

You can help, if you're a Volcaniconda supporter, you can help vote on what Volcaniconda's favorite flavor of ice cream is.

That's the only benefit of the tier.

Yeah, it is.

That's the only benefit.

Does Gunther see the snake look at Natty or register Natty in any way?

Like, because Natty looks like the squid.

The snake looks around and regards every creature she sees in the room, but does not appear to focus on anyone more than anyone else.

If anything, Volcaniconda would focus on Tov more than anyone else, because that is the one being she just talked to.

Okay, Blaine, can you remind me?

Did Tollve ever describe what Ironclad looked like?

Well, how did that conversation go?

I described him as big, so i think they know to look for something bigger than myself okay i know that that puts doug in the crosshairs i'm trying to think back oh that's helpful because in my mind as the volcanic conda is coming through she sees giggy and ironclad next to you so she's gonna assume one of them did this to you yeah and one of them is the one she's looking for but if you use the word big she's gonna engage ironclad yeah yeah

Okay, the volcanic conda hisses and like a cloud of ash comes out and seems to seep everywhere, filling the hallway and the room.

All of you need to make me a constitution saving throw.

Would this be with negative one for the exhausted ones?

This is combat.

Okay.

How about Tolv?

He's kind of out.

No, you're good, dude.

Okay.

16 for Doug.

15.

16 for Natty.

And I'm going to make one for Tolv.

I keep saying Tolv.

What's wrong with me?

Make one for Ironclad here.

Do you have Tolv on the brain?

They're the same person.

Alright.

Everyone fails.

You all begin coughing and choking as this cloud of ash fills your lungs, and everyone takes 12 points of poison damage.

Poison.

That doesn't mean we are poisoned, though, right?

It does also mean you are poisoned now as well.

A disadvantage on attacks and abilities.

And with that, the volcaniconda hisses and lashes out with a red-hot bite at Ironclad.

I said the right name that time.

Tolf from the ground says,

what was that?

That didn't sound like Cole at all.

The Volcaniconda latches onto Ironclad, doing both piercing and fire damage, and those numbers remain a question mark since it doesn't directly affect you yet.

Then she brings her tail around, thrashing the area, trying to smack Ironclad with her tail as she has Ironclad in her mouth.

Ironclad must make a saving throw.

Ironclad rolled a one on the save.

Good job, Ironclad.

So the thrashing tail comes around and bludgeons Ironclad, knocking him to the ground, doing more bludgeoning damage.

Yeah.

At that point, that is it for now for the Volcaniconda.

Doug, what in the world just happened?

What did you see?

That was definitely not what I was expecting after hearing a rumbling on the ground.

are we are we still in combat?

Yes, okay.

Well, you know what they say?

Kick them while they're down.

Could I try to shoot a firebolt at ironclad?

Yeah, absolutely.

All right, you have advantage on this because ironclad is pro.

I don't know if I'll need it because I rolled a 25 just now to hit.

Oh, wow.

Why don't you roll it again to see if it's crit?

Okay, okay, good call.

It is not, but that's a 20.

Okay, yeah, it hits.

That does 2d10 of fire damage.

And I rolled 210, so that's a 20.

Oh my god.

When Doug shoots a firebolt, does it come out of his finger?

I like to think it comes out like a little bit of fire comes out of each finger to like form into a giant firebolt.

Is that like Singe's hair?

Is it like stinky a little for a second?

Just like, you know, just a little bit.

Okay, okay, okay, sorry.

It actually comes out of his belly button.

Oh, you're bear.

There's a little flame icon in his belly button.

Ironclad yells in pain.

I get two attacks per action, so I'm going to do that again.

You get two

Apparently.

I didn't notice until today.

It says actions, attacks per action, too.

So if it's a spell, you only get one.

Attack would be like swinging a weapon.

Well, firebolt is under my attacks.

But it's a cantrip.

So it's a spell slash cantrip that is an attack.

Oh, that's a good question.

Let's get out the rules, lawyer.

Okay, normally you can't cast two spells in the same turn unless you're something like a sorcerer, but I'm going to make an exception in this case just because I think it'll be cool.

Yeah.

Okay, cool.

So I will shoot another firebolt, seeing the great success.

Do I get advantage on that again since he is still prone?

Yes, absolutely.

Okay.

B 19.

That is a hit.

Okay.

Doing

Yabita Boo, seven points of damage this time.

Man, it is things took a very quick turn for the worse for Ironclad.

But we saw him, you know, we know what he did to our friend Tov, and we're not into it.

And then, after that, do I have am I close enough to run up to get to Tollf?

Yeah, it's not very far at all.

You're able to make it down there.

Okay, I'm gonna go to Tolv.

And I don't know if I could assist him because I think I already used up all my action.

So, right, used your actions and you moved, so that's it.

But you are up there with him.

Okay, turnover.

All right.

Uh, next is Gunther, then Tollv, then Naddy.

Ironclad at this moment, they're looking how Ironclad's in the mouth of a lava snake and is very beat up at the moment.

How far away could I make it to Tollf?

Yes.

Then could I try and get Tov up?

Yeah, well, what does that entail?

What do you want to do?

I don't have any healing things, so I guess...

Resuscitate him by taking the endless decanter and using it to pour five gallons of water all over me and Tolf.

And the

sea drinker.

The beginning of your sentence does not connect to what you say at the end of your sentence.

Why are you waterproofing me?

Well, like, you know, waking him up, get trying to, you know, splash him with water.

I don't know.

Would that bring him out?

You can make a medicine check to try to stabilize him and see if you're able to aid him.

Okay.

I'll do that.

You know, when you go to the ER and the doctor just pours water all over you, yeah, yeah.

Just empties a bucket on the guy known for being trapped in the water.

18.

Yeah.

I cast trauma.

It's super effective.

18.

You're able to stabilize him and Toll's eyes open.

Yeah.

There you go.

And then he immediately short circuits.

And as Toll's eyes open, and you know, you're giving him this water, the whole room you're in, this whole dungeon itself once again seems to be shaking.

And the Volcaniconda lets go of Ironclad, looks around the room, and dives back into the hole from which she came.

Whoa.

Well, that's cool.

Can I use my bonus action at a second win?

Yes.

Good call.

Good move.

Good show.

Great show.

Huh?

Exclusive show.

Thinkingjuganpod.com.

Ayo.

That's

13.

Alright.

Private parts, who is still here?

Who's in charge right now?

Is it you, Gunther?

No.

I think passed it back to...

I think it's Doug.

I gave it to Doug.

Yeah.

I was.

And then when we got here, I gave it to Doug.

My creature's Doug.

Doug.

If I must be.

Private Parts taps you on the shoulder, Doug, and says,

I think this facility is collapsing.

We should make haste and exit.

What makes you say that, Private Parts?

I'm just kidding.

Not a little joke here.

It's from from Lego Toledo, you know.

But yeah,

I think you're right.

Could Doug try to like scoop up Tolf?

Yeah, absolutely.

Tol, are you up?

No?

I'm just gonna wait my turn to find out.

Yeah, he'll be able to do that.

Yeah, I said Tolv's eyes opened, and yeah, he starts coming around.

I should know if he was like physically up.

No, he's not stead.

He's still laying down, but yeah.

He's so strong and big, masculine, hairy arms.

Okay, it's okay, buddy.

So what?

Did you meet my friend the volcanic condon?

It's okay.

Time to rest.

Lava snake love.

You're just staying on things right now.

It's okay.

Big fire.

Fire serpent.

Big flames.

Big teeth.

That's right.

Big teeth.

And then Kadug just yell out to the team.

Fight, we gotta get out of here.

I think this is gonna collapse and we might get stuck in here.

Aye aye.

All right.

You all are out of combat if you want to beat feet and start getting out of here.

With Gunther sustaining toll,

do I have health again?

Like, can I

say you're like at one, yeah?

One.

Okay.

You're stable.

Stable.

That's stabilized, not sustained.

What am I saying?

Doug runs towards the where they came in through the mirror.

Yeah.

You go through and you find yourself on the other side and begin retracing your steps back out, upstairs, out of the temple, back to the ocean floor.

Polv is keeping an eye out for Ironclad.

Is he following or did he get make a perception check?

Okay.

Nine.

You initially hear footsteps following you, but then as you all proceed, they become fainter and fainter until as you exit the temple back upstairs, you no longer hear them at all.

An off-camera death.

You find yourself back on the ocean floor, surrounded by the shipwrecks, and the earth is still shaking violently.

The ships that were partially submerged in the bed of the sea begin collapsing and shaking, and some of them begin partially submerging themselves into the sand, much like a lizard.

Then the vortex of water that's swirling violently around you begins to lose momentum and then begins collapsing and an ocean of water falls upon the entire party.

What an episode.

It's okay.

The sea drinker will drink up all this sea that is falling upon us and save us.

Yeah, she's like, sorry, guys, I'm just too full.

That frog gave me all the water I need.

Find out if that happens or not in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Not even the Sea Drinker.

That's what I'm going to say.

It's just a stinky.

Chris just kept calling it that.

Gus never acknowledged that.

Turns out they're still down there and everything just collapsed.

Yeah.

Oh, no.

Hello, listener.

Would you like to clothe yourself in something stinky?

I'm not talking about the stuff that you've got in your laundry hamper that you're ignoring.

I'm talking about our merch over at store.stinkydragonpod.com.

We've got all kinds of goodies you can check out and help actively directly support the show.

Head over to store.stinkydragonpod.com, check out all of our stinky merchandise.

It's not just clothing.

There's a whole bunch of stuff and help us continue to make this show.

Did you know we went to Gen Con 2025 and we did a live show there?

And if you'd like to listen to that live show, we're making it available for free for all patrons on stinkydragonpod.com.

So even if you sign up just at the free level over at stinkydragonpod.com, you'll be able to listen to this new content.

New episodes of Tales and the Stinking Dragon premiere every other Wednesday, wherever you stream podcasts and on the Stingy Dragon YouTube channel.

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These patrons directly support the show, get ad-free episodes, access to our Patreon-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Winning Behind the Screen, and other stinky perks.

For example, here's a quick peek from the latest Gen Con 2025 live show, which is available for free for everyone exclusively at stinkydragonpod.com.

The infantry asks, do you have any

Quiffley is standing behind Elga holding five axes.

Those are surprisingly allowed him, but oh my god, any books?

Dancing equipment?

Liquids?

Well I can tell you from this group we definitely don't have books.

I left my dancing equipment at home.

Wait, can we pop what's dancing equipment?

I think everybody knows what dancing equipment is.

Tearaway clothing.

The things Barney would have.

Spandex.

Yeah, yes.

If you have anything, please, Nathan.

Otherwise, we will detect it with our archway of humming.

Now I have a heart condition and a liver condition and a lung condition and a stomach condition and a foot condition.

Which foot?

Both.

I have several metal parts.

That's nice.

Is that going to be a problem going through this?

First time for everything.

Once again, that's stinkydrungpod.com.

We're incredibly grateful for your support, which makes this show possible.

Some NPCs in this episode are voiced by our incredibly talented friends, just like Yarl Ironclad, voiced by Adam Ellis at adam.e.Ellis.

Private parts, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben.

Volcaniconda, voiced by Lucy James at Lucy JamesGamesEverywhere, and best known for the Friends per Second podcast and GameSpot.

This week's error question was submitted by Joseph Dufour and Black Snide or Black Five Night.

There's a number in there.

I never know how to say words that have numbers in the the middle.

This episode of Tales with the Stinky Drunk is produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold and David Sonye.

Tune in next time for the thrilling episode of Tales and the Stinky Dragon.

Hey guys, Doug here on the ones and twos equals threes.

Looks like Blaine forgot to mute his microphone.

There's his door.

There's his water bottle clinking on his chair.

Like an unprofessional guy that he is.

We're probably through this episode.

You know, you might be hearing it at the end of the episode, so we don't know what happens yet.

But there's a lot going on here.

Nanny, possibly turning into a little squid.

Who knows if it's a sea dwinkle?

We'll find out.

Although I do feel like,

who knows?

Maybe it's a red herring.

That's another type of fish.

Just a little pun for you guys.

You know what, Doug on the ones and twos, he's

saying about maybe starting a radio show sometime soon.

Maybe take some questions from uh our patreon members which are you guys so stay tuned for that let me know on the comments of this episode if there's something you're interested in and uh because you know dog's got a lot of advice to give and i think he i think he'd be in quest with maybe some of the intos he's got it looks like Chris is doing some stretches or he's doing some jumping jacks if only this was recorded on video but no he's doing jump jacks his screen is also blurry so it's kind of weird to see it's he's coming in and out of focus.

Oh, now he's doing some big jumps.

Big stretch for the little guy.

And we'll be back.

Oh, Micah, have you been listening this whole time?

No.

How do you think this episode is going?

Fantastic.

I think it's well written.

Yes, very, very, yes.

The verbiage is quite clear and succinct.

It really paints a picture, you know?

Definitely, and I bet the music and the instrumentals will be top-notch

in the final part of it.

I'm looking forward to looking up the copyrights of the Nokia ringtone.

And also, Baby Got Back.

You know, it's been referenced a lot.

Baby Got Back.

Yeah, I have a good feeling about that one.

Maybe we'll play some Baby Got Back here on Doug's on the ones and twos equals three and sometime in the future.

Pew pew, pew pew, pew pew pew.

It's the most family-friendly song we've ever produced.

Oh, wow, you brought up second win.

I'll take this as an opportunity to acknowledge everybody in our Discord who responded to me being very sad that I lost my squirtle with sunglasses in Pokemon Go.

And a lot of people responded that they have squirtles with sunglasses that they would give me if they could see me.

John, I want to tell you, after that, I've been, I've been.

You don't have one.

I looked.

I don't have one.

Yeah, either I traded it or

I did get it and I thought I did.

I'm sorry, John.

I feel the first time, the first time that I go to a live event with our community, I'm hoping somebody will come up and trade with me.

If you have no idea what I'm talking about, it's because you haven't been listening to Second Way and you've been missing out on some extra bonus stuff.