C03 - Ep. 22 - Brig of Endridge Bay - The Great Mistery

Buying a car in Carvana was so easy.

I was able to finance it through them.

I just- Whoa, wait, you mean finance?

Yeah, finance.

Got pre-qualified for a Carvana auto loan, entered my terms, and shot from thousands of great car options all within my budget.

That's cool, but financing through Carvana was so easy.

Financed.

Done.

And I get to pick up my car from their Carvana vending machine tomorrow.

Financed.

Right, that's what they said.

You can spend time trying to pronounce financing, or you can actually finance and buy your car today on Carvana.

Financing subject to credit approval.

Additional terms and conditions may apply.

Charlie Sheen is an icon of decadence.

I lit the fuse, and my life turns into everything it wasn't supposed to be.

He's going the distance.

He was the highest-paid TV star of all time.

When it started to change, it was quick.

He kept saying, No, no, no, I'm in the hospital now, but next week I'll be ready for the show.

Now, Charlie's sober.

He's gonna tell you the truth.

How do I present this with any class?

I think we're past that, Charlie.

We're past that, yeah.

Somebody call action.

Yeah, aka Charlie Sheen, only on Netflix, September 10th.

If you thought goldenly breaded McDonald's chicken couldn't get more golden, think golder, because new sweet and smoky special edition gold sauce is here.

Made for your chicken favorites at Participate in McDonald's for limited time.

Nice of you to drop by, all you naiads.

Nautically knock on the stinky dragon and quaff our latest kappa.

What are you thinking?

It's a mixture of psychic touch tea leaves, flying elder flowers, invisible water, and topped with sunken treasure trinkets.

One sip of this psychedelic sea sauce, and you'll be thinking what I'm thinking.

Previously, our adventurers sailed the high saline seas aboard a borrowed ship, the Blindfold.

They delved below deck, bumped into Buccaneers in the brig, and perused the privateer's private quarters.

After dipping into desperately needed downtime and dropping jaws of the Jebediah, the party perceived another ship on the stormy seas, Ironclad's Deirdrost.

Now the two ships are tethered and being swallowed by the sea.

Nab some nectar and nestle in for a noxious narrative.

I was thinking narrative too.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm your Dungeon Master Gustavus Roll, and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

And pew, pew, pew, pew.

What game show, real or made up, would your character love to be on?

And how well do you think they do?

And that's submitted by the silent taco.

That's the deadliest taco of all.

Everyone, go ahead and roll initiative.

Two,

eight, thirteen.

Thirteen.

Chris, that was the saddest two I've ever heard.

Give it another read.

Give it another read.

Come on.

Twos aren't happy.

God, you're happy.

We had two 13s.

I rolled a nat one on a roll-off, Barb, so go before me.

Okay, what if I also roll a one?

Do it.

Do it.

I dare you, Barb.

Oh, I rolled a seven.

I thought it was a one because it was a seven.

So it's going to be Doug Natty 12 Gunther.

Okay.

Well, hello, everyone.

Welcome to another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm your co-host, Barbara Dunkelman.

Hello here now.

I've upgraded myself.

Oh, yeah.

And I play Doug Boone, the male bugbear artificer who's currently at a level five.

And, you know, Doug, I think, could participate on a number of game shows, but, you know, one of Doug's strong suits is his brain so you know he he's not very blonde even though he looks kind of strong but more strong in the mental capacity and so i think i think if doug was to participate in a game show of sorts he would choose to participate in netflix's the devil's plan oh that's a good one you're you're talking my language i don't know what this is you ever watch devil's plan devil's plan is so good not this reality show on netflix that's like all about being really smart and like figuring out these games and like puzzles and all that stuff.

It's very good.

It's like Physical 100 if it was about using your brains.

Yeah.

Oh,

it's very good.

I just canceled my Netflix subscription, so I'm not going to watch it.

It does sound like we're promoting Netflix.

Well, we're not because I just said I'm canceled.

I canceled it because I don't use it.

Well, you should rejoin so you can watch Devil's Plan.

No, I'm not.

I'm tired of paying that money.

So, Doug, I mean, Devil's Plan is a South Korean game show.

Can Doug hit me up with

his best Korean phrase here?

This can't end well.

Yeah, so Doug's going to say this in Korean and then all the audience is going to hear it translated into English.

Oh, wow.

That's how you can do it.

What's Star Trek rules?

That's a really cool invention.

Can I see that, Doug?

This translator you have.

Wow, this is amazing.

You made this yourself?

It's immediate, yeah.

Wow.

I'm currently speaking Korean.

I'm going to speak Korean in the entire episode.

And you guys just won't even know.

Wow.

You conjugated everything perfectly, too.

This is amazing.

Your honorifics are on point.

Thanks, Doug.

That's a great answer.

I was not expecting that.

Okay, my turn.

Hi, John Reisinger here.

I play Natty Wonder, who is a Drow Warlock and a mother of one.

That's her subclass.

I love me some game shows.

I got plenty of times that I can remember sitting down with my mamas and we watch all the game shows, especially on the days.

Now, this isn't my one that I want to be on.

Never mind.

This is going to be the one I want to be on.

You know what?

I just changed my answer because I just thought it was even better than what I was going to say.

So,

the one that I love the most was the one that I got to catch on the days where I was too sick to go to school.

So, I got to stay home.

And I've always dreamed of being on The Price is Right.

I was going to say, I know what you're going to say.

Okay.

So, I stay home.

It's 11 a.m.

every day.

Yep.

I just, I feel like I could do really well on that show.

I feel like I'd be a good personality for them to have on there.

And it just seemed like just a fun place to be.

Everyone there is having a good time.

Everyone there is excited.

When they call your name, everyone's already clapping for you.

It's just good vibes all around.

Hey, Nanny, could I get a $1 Bob?

You seem like you'd be perfectly suited for that game show, Natty.

I would love to watch that.

Yeah, I feel like you probably like, it almost feels like you've seen me in that

show already.

Like, at least some of me.

Yeah.

Are you more of a Bob Barker or a Drew Carey fan?

I don't think I want to recognize that second name.

I just want to go with the Bob.

Drew Carey.

He was a huge CD Dragon fan before.

I honestly have no idea if he's a good host or a bad host.

It's just I'm a child of the 80s and 90s.

So Bob is my guy.

Bob Supremacy.

You want to go with Bob Barker or smart supporter Drew Carey?

Ooh.

That's pretty cool.

Thanks, Natty.

I'm liking these answers so far.

No pressure on the second half of the team here.

Total if you're up.

Hello, it's me, Blaine, and I play To You Who, the Male Orc Barbarian.

I'm level five.

I guess I'm not an orc anymore.

Yeah, yeah.

God, I

was a Thomotech.

Thomotech.

I guess I should start introducing myself appropriately now.

The wig has been snatched, as Natty would say.

Everyone knows my true identity.

And, oh you know there are so many amazing game shows you know as gustavo mentioned earlier there's physical 100 which is great but i think i would be the most proficient at american gladiators oh yeah i've always dreamed of going you know into the atmosphere against laser and and turbo and you know climbing the pyramid when you know in a mad dash against Malibu.

You know, I think I would do great on that show.

Oh, I would love to see that.

I actually, okay, I genuinely would love to do American Gladiator.

Yeah, that's like, I think they brought it back briefly, or a version of it with The Rock.

Isn't that like where you see the obstacle course with like swinging from the monkey bars and then like jumping and like hanging onto like a rope ladder and like doing all those things, or is that something else?

That's American Ninja Warrior.

Ninja Warrior is what I'm thinking of.

Yeah, American Gladiator is like the same kind of setup as like an arena, but all the games are all different.

And then they would team you against like a genetic freak on steroids, which is pound these everyday Joes while we're

star-spangled banner red white and blue stripes it's amazing it was a great show I felt like yeah that you just like unlocked a core memory I haven't thought about American gladiators in a long time yeah since we're in a safe space here in our arrow question I want to make a confession here this has nothing to do with your arrow question But Blaine said something here about Toll that made me think about a mistake I made early in this campaign that no one picked up on.

I don't remember what it was like episode two, maybe or three, during an arrow, Blaine introduced himself as Tove and an orc.

And I was like, you're not an orc.

And I gave him grief about it.

And I was like, oh, and I was like, oh yeah, I looked at your character sheet.

You're totally an orc.

There were so many times where there was close calls like that.

And I was like, what are we doing?

What are you doing?

Stop.

This is why I don't like knowing too much ahead of time because I will blow it.

I am terrible at keeping secrets.

I didn't know that you knew.

I guess it has to be involved in your character sheet, kind of like something about Campaign 2, which we won't reveal here, just in case people haven't listened to it yet.

But something involved in one of our characters.

We've got an episode of Second Wind where we're going to talk a lot more in-depth about it and the secret and having to uphold it.

So, if you're a Patreon subscriber, you can hear that and hear all the close calls I've had trying to keep this a secret.

And we're going to cover the New York Times bestseller book, The Secret, as well.

Yes,

all right, explain Chris, aka Gunther.

You're up.

Anyung ne ilium un Chris Damaris.

Oh.

Gunther, the male crook folk fighter.

How was that, Gus?

How was that, Gus?

Yeah, is he a fighter, Gus?

Is that correct?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I believe it's pronounced fighter.

I think you said Ilyum.

I believe it should be Irum.

Okay, yeah.

Well, I'm working on it.

In the Korean alphabet, the character for R and L is the same.

So sometimes it may, like if you're using an online translator, it may put it as the wrong one.

Ah, anyway.

I'm Gunther.

Hello.

i think i would if i was able to play a game show i think i would like to play in the mole oh the mole good ones i'm gonna have to google that i don't remember that at all yes the mole was great great newer version i don't love as much as like the the old version i have fought many moles i can always defeat them they are easy to defeat so if i was to come up against a mole i would win every time i see you would yes are we thinking of the same show are you thinking of the right show i think it's a joke based on the fact that he would actually fight a real mole.

I think you're right.

I think you're right.

Yeah.

I don't know if you noticed this, but there's a long-running gag that Chris keeps playing where Gunther doesn't understand the nuance of like hyperbole and metaphor and idioms and all that kind of stuff.

Okay.

Also, I think I'm very good at finding traitors.

Gunther, get out of here.

We're talking real stuff right now.

Yeah, the mole is another great show.

The original one.

A network show.

It was hosted by Anderson Cooper back in the day.

It's been rebooted, and I think there's two new seasons on Netflix, if I remember.

Again, not a plug for Netflix.

If you want to cancel it, go ahead.

I don't care.

They're not paying us.

They got some good reality shows if you want to check them out.

The two most recent seasons are very different than the original ones.

Everyone killed it with these answers today, guys.

I'm super entertained with all of them.

These are mainly because these are all game shows I like.

So good job.

Everyone give yourself a pat on the back.

Yay.

Wait, really quick, Gus, what would you want to be on?

Oh, I didn't even think about answering for myself.

I don't have an answer prepared.

I think I would like to be.

Oh, I know what I've begun the amazing race.

Oh, really?

Are reality shows game shows now?

Is that what it is?

Well, there's a price at the end.

There's a million dollars.

Like you're competing.

I'm not arguing it.

I'm just coming to that realization that I guess that's like a genre of game shows now.

I wouldn't even say now.

I mean, The Amazing Race and Survivor both started like in 2000, 2001.

Like just like 25 years at this point.

But they call them reality shows.

I guess maybe reality game show?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

You see, the seas beneath you begin slowly bubbling and swirling.

And very quickly, they begin building in intensity and a massive swirling whirlpool emerges from amongst the waves.

It begins pulling you in like a violet vortex and swallowing both ships down into the never-ending void below.

A roaring torrent of wind, water, and thunder swirl all around you like a Herculean drain.

Both your ship and Ironclad ship are bound by ballista chains, caught in an unending vortex of stormy seas.

Whilst being swallowed into the oblivion, Ironclad screams over the raging tempest.

Capture my children, feed the rest Al Gore.

What?

Al Gore?

The presidential candidate?

Al Gore.

Al Gore, not Al Gore.

Al Gore.

Al Gore.

Al Gore.

So A-L-G-R.

He's used the internet, did he not?

There's got to be a different way to pronounce this.

That's not just you saying Al Gore.

Former vice president Al Gore?

Al Gore's very hungry.

Feed the rest to Al Gore.

I don't know.

Feed the rest to Dick Cheney.

I love that, Gus, you tried to move past that name so much, and we were like, no, you just said the guy who invented the internet.

Adam Ellis is going to do great when he reads it.

It is a patron.

It's a name from

Patreon.

Al Gore.

Gore is an indeed.

Thanks, man.

Thanks.

Al Gore, Drew Carey, best friends.

Wow.

The massive armored shark towing ironclad ship surges through the surf to the stern of your ship.

Its iron-plated jaws chop moraciously.

The six trollings before you point their bone-jaw javelins menacingly and charge.

So they're not concerned about the fact that we're in a drain?

They're following orders.

No, I mean like anybody, ironclad, his people, like, he's just like, get my babies.

I mean, they're professionals, so maybe they're used to these conditions.

Who knows?

Okay, yeah.

Yeah, didn't Toll like live at the bottom of the ocean for a while?

Yeah, like

probably is a gym.

They might have some advantages that we do not.

All right.

Seen some things.

Are we in combat or are we at a point to make a choice?

Why don't you roll initiative and then we can make a choice?

Rolling initiative, that is a dirty 20.

15.

8.

Also a 15.

Jesus, Barbara get off my back

what's your what's your dex my dex is 16 so you go first okay I'm after Matit or Natty why do I want to say Mate again

you're so quick on the draw with that Blaine

he's just ready to just

I want a reboot of the of the Pink Panther with Blaine now.

That's what I want.

All right.

they're charging.

Toll, you're up first in the initiative order, so you're going to be the one who makes a decision or figures out.

What are y'all doing here?

Okay, I say.

I am glad.

As much as I want to end your life today, I just need to like hold up the timeout and say, Are you doing this whirlpool?

Is this happening?

Or is this you?

Or is this like, is this just bad timing?

Because we could, we could, like, put a pause on this, have a rain check, and then do a rematch, you know, in not a whirlpool.

Or I could kill you now in this very epic setting.

It's your choice, really.

You say all this, and...

Atio, what?

One, make me a persuasion check, and then I'm going to give you another check after that.

Regardless of the outcome, I'm just letting you know now.

Okay.

Oh, my God.

I'm so persuasive.

Seven.

All right, and now make me a perception check.

That's a 19.

Okay, you make this plea to ironclad.

It's not a plea.

I'm not begging.

It's just like a

very formal request.

So, you know.

You make this cowardly formal request to Ironclad.

And you look over at the deck of the Dairdrost, and you see Ironclad just laughing maniacally, storm raging around him.

Laugh with me.

You see, we take the power away from him.

It's intense.

Got you.

I don't know.

How much of Blaine's turn did that take?

I'll say none, because it's

role-playing decision-making stuff.

Okay, what did my perception reveal?

Was it just that he was laughing his butt off?

He doesn't seem like he's swayed at all by your request.

Okay, well, I guess it's combat time.

One more insult,

if I may, to uh to

listen I haven't seen ironclad in so long I have so many things that I want to tell him I've been thinking about this moment while walking the bottom of the ocean you know so hey ironclad it looks like you did really downgraded on your military force what are these little

things

what are they called trolling trolling trolling

is it cuz it's like a pun cuz you like troll like like water that's actually really good that's pretty good i'll give you that one

i like it okay i rage.

And then, how far away am I from the nearest trolling?

There's six of them total.

The closest one, we'll say, is 15 feet away.

Oh, okay.

Let me make sure if my shield is active.

It looks like it is.

I'm going to keep it active for now, just in case these guys are super powerful, but I don't think they are.

They're trollings.

I'm going to hit one of them with the Warhammer, that closest one.

Okay, so you close the distance, angrily swinging your Warhammer with one hand.

And that is a 16.

That hits.

Good.

And then here's a bludgeoning for you.

Wowie, Zowie.

That's a 12.

That's one-handed, by the way.

Ooh, yeah.

You hit the trolling, and it like does that thing where it spins him around, and he's like dazed and bloodied, and seems like he doesn't know which direction is which.

I also have plus two from rage, so it's a 14, technically.

And then, like a tree in the forest, being felled by lumberjacks, he falls over on the ground onto his back.

Oh, good thing I raged.

That was cool.

You see, Zat?

One shot at your trolling, ironclad.

I bet you wish you had a bunch of authormotects.

Dork.

Dork.

This is a family-friendly podcast.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Let's watch your language.

Chump.

Whoa.

Yeah.

If you did chum

like chum as in another fish pun.

That's good.

That's good.

All right, and then I'm going to move on to my second attack, and I'm going to hit the next nearest trolling.

Okay.

Going trolling for trollings there you go oh my god are you pooping on me right now that was a one

i feel like that's worse than the expletive

believe it or not a woo that that is a miss unless someone had like an inspiration die you know it'd be a shame if i like failed critically in front of my old

big bad guy yeah but you did yeah unless someone had like you know like an inspiration like a heroic inspiration they wouldn't be a hero to toll I don't natty that eat you I don't have one I don't have one

stone like you know just take the loss you big baby I'll tell you what Blaine since you asked so nicely roll a d4 low is bad high is good you sure you want to set this precedence guys

I didn't know what you could do this that's a one but I think if you want to give me an inspiration die on my re-roll d4

it's funny you've been talking so much trash about the trollings and your battle prowess against them that maybe you were distracted.

And as you take your second swing, the Warhammer flies out of your hands and gets swallowed by the Warpole.

It seeks to the bottom of the sea.

Daisy, Daisy.

Wait, you lost your Warhammer?

Should have used two hands.

I guess I did.

Yeah.

It was slowing me down, Ion Pratt now.

I should have killed you with a shield.

Yeah, I would capture America, your butt.

All right, that's it for Tolv.

Yeah.

So two of the trollings are gonna close the distance around Toll.

Actually, I'll tell you what, all the remaining trollings are going to gather up at this point.

Yeah, sure, why not?

Who else is in initiative, by the way, with us?

Like, is Elva in there?

Is Laskiel?

That's a great question, Barb.

In order to not slow down combat, why don't if one of you wants to call on them during your turn, they can assist you in that turn.

That way we don't have to worry about rolling their initiative, taking time for all of that.

Let's just try to streamline things a little bit.

Gotcha.

Elva, do you have an inspiration to eye?

Do you want to like know?

Two of the trollings close around you, Tolf, and they begin trying to use their pointy spears to attack at you.

Make me a.

I'll give you the choice, either a strength or a dexterity check.

Ooh, I'm gonna have to go with

which one is higher?

Strength.

They're the same, but I feel like I should rely on strength.

That is a 13.

They begin poking at you, but it's a strange attack.

It's not like they're stabbing into your, well, I would say your flesh, but they're not stabbing into your body.

It's almost like they're using their javelins to kind of pick off pieces of your armor.

Oh, like a rend?

Yeah, kind of.

It's like the points are slicing at you and also kind of like removing your armor that you're using at the moment.

So you take 20 points of damage.

Oh, you get a minus two to your armor class.

I'm going to do 10 damage because I'm raging.

Oh, right, right, right.

And then, how do I adjust my armor?

Yeah, just make a note for now, like, mentally.

Okay.

Stop tickling me.

What is this?

This weird strategy.

Oh, my gosh.

See who are you gonna make me naked?

The remaining three trollings like rustle around in their sacks, pull out something, and they begin lobbing objects at the other three members of the party.

All three of you make dexterity saving throws.

Objects?

I'll describe them

bit once we determine whether they hit you or not.

12.

They're brown and squishy.

176.

All right.

So 12 from Doug, a 17 from Gunther, and a 6 from Natty, which are all failures.

Wow!

You all begin getting pelted with what appear to be severed limbs.

Ah!

Severed arms and legs begin raining down on the three of you, bludgeoning you and hitting you all over, doing 10 points of bludgeoning damage to each of you.

Wow, the poop would have been better.

Gosh.

Haha, you have found the remains of my last

foes.

Ha ha.

I love the Gunther trash talk.

Natty,

you're up.

Then after Natty is Doug, then Gunther.

Okay.

You said there were six trollings and two went to attack Toll.

One got killed.

Right.

There were six.

One got killed before their action.

So there are two attacking Tollv and three who were lobbing those limbs.

And the three that are lobbing their limbs, are they in a group?

Yes.

Okay.

Careful, Natty, they are armed.

She's pushing back.

That's pretty good.

That's pretty good.

You look for sure.

Yeah, all right.

There it is.

Natty wants to try something out that she's been working with Captain Grumbles and Gigi for Gigi's attack.

Okay.

And Natty yells out, Grumbles, initiate, attack, Topsy Toddler.

And Captain Grumbles goes,

and he picks up Gigi.

Doesn't matter if Giggy wants to be picked up or not.

It's actually fine if he doesn't want to, because Giggy's holding his axe.

And Captain Grumbles, holding Gigi out in front of him, just rushes towards those trollings as Gigi just swipes around and tries to hit the first thing he can.

All right, yeah, let's do it.

I'm just going to roll for his basic attack.

I don't think you've ever given me a precedent for his axe.

17 plus 5.

22.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Three plus three slashing damage, so six slashing damage.

Okay.

And his, like, rend has a poisoning effect, but he's using the axe, so I assume that isn't proc.

Well, what applies the poison?

Is it like his claws or his mouth, or is there a like further explanation of where it comes from?

The attack is called rend, and it's a melee attack.

I think it's just maybe like a bite or a claw.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

That's what I'm thinking.

Yeah.

So, yeah, six slashing damage to a troll.

I'm fine with that.

Okay.

The troll kind of stumbles a little bit, but regains its composure and stands its ground.

Well, he won't for very long because Naddy's going to shoot him.

Nice.

Natty goes, good job, baby.

And points a finger at that guy rolls a what do i get to that plus seven so rolls a 23 uh yep good giggy's not gonna get hit by that is he no d10

seven plus four plus three 14.

wow that's impressive and you were targeting the one that giggy hit right yeah yeah that trolling falls to the ground as well joining its friend in a long nap nice i get to blast again

so anyway natty started blasting yeah

and so i i guess i'll just go for another trolling where my baby is.

Well, that's not going to work.

That's a two plus a seven, so nine.

Mm-mm.

That is not enough, unfortunately.

That's not true.

I give inspiration, Diner now.

Really?

Wow.

I got to lead by example.

Twist of a century.

I just rolled a nat 20.

Oh,

you're going to be pushing.

I am glad you

did that.

Good job.

That's a good use.

We'll roleplay this a little bit.

Tov, how are you going to inspire Natty here in this moment?

I like it.

I say, come on, Natty, you can do better.

Your baby Giggy is watching his mama now impress him.

Oh,

I like it.

Yeah.

Yes.

I'm going to roll for damage on that.

10.

Plus 4, plus 3.

So 7.

No, not plus 3, but 14.

14 damage.

Force damage.

Plus crit, right?

You crit is crit.

Plus another 10.

Yeah.

So 24.

Wow.

You see that ironclad?

You see how good of a parent Natty is to Giggy?

This could have been you!

I'm liking this.

That trolling gets blasted into a couple of different pieces that fall to the floor.

All right, that's two for me.

That's you're like Gimli here.

Well, I keep track of everybody I send to my wife.

You have it like a ticker sheet?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

They're on the guest list for the wedding.

The wedding for your existing wife?

We're married, but we haven't gotten to have the ceremony.

Oh,

like vow renewal or something like that.

Buffet style or table delivery or, you know.

I'm a fan of a buffet.

Oh.

Because it's usually you get to go and pick what you want, and I just love saying that word.

It sounds fancy.

I mean, I have to say, you're incentivizing us to stop you from killing because there's just going to be more people in the buffet line.

Tusha.

Just saying, I'm hungry.

I like that reasoning.

Anything else, Naddy?

I'm done.

Before we move on, I do want to mention this.

Micah says that we've talked about this before, and that Naddy also said buffet that previous time as well.

So it's definitely settled.

Canon.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Didn't we talk about it like recently?

I'll tell you what.

We talked about it before my wedding, and a lot of you guys said you prefer buffet.

And I was very hurt because I did a plated dinner for my wedding, and I was like, they're not going to like my dinner.

I love plated dinner.

I don't have to walk nowhere.

Everyone gets it at the same time.

I don't like what I become around a buffet because of it.

I kick into my

internal instincts to

consume as much as possible.

It's just a survival caveman situation.

Yeah, it's a survival caveman part of my brain.

It's like, you must consume.

Load up.

Okay.

Speaking of consumption, Doug, I believe you are up.

Guys, I just want to say they no longer have a leg up on us, and he holds up one of the legs.

Doug, make me a perception check.

Okay, you've gone.

We're going to find out what kind of leg that is today.

17.

The leg's still wriggling in your hand.

Oh!

Lay it down!

I assume that they're, like, robotic.

No.

Are they like actual like human fleshy limbs?

They're smaller than human.

They're small, but yeah, it is still kicking and trying to, like, kick you in the face as you pick it up.

Could I tell what type of creature?

Make me another perception check here.

Seven.

Maybe you're crazy, Doug, but it looks like a trolling leg.

Maybe it's because trollings are in front of you, and that's what you have in mind, but it seems like the same size of leg as the creatures that you're encountering right now.

What's it trolling?

Like a small troll.

Let me see.

I think I have a physical dispersion.

I just didn't know if it was like anything special.

So it is just a smaller version of a troll.

It's like a warty humanoid, gray-green muscles, glowing red eyes.

Okay.

Okay.

And these legs seem to match.

Yeah.

With your roll of a seven.

Oh, yeah.

But maybe it's one of those really easy ones since they're right in front of me.

All right.

What do you want to do, Doug?

So the ones that were throwing the limbs at us, Natty blasted one of them to sleep, correct?

I believe Natty blasted two of them.

So there's two two remaining?

There's one remaining over there that was one of the throwers and then two remaining around 12 in melee range.

Okay.

They're in melee range of 12.

So if I did an area of attack type thing, 12 might get in the way.

Tell me what you want to do and we'll see.

We'll see.

Maybe we can like angle it or finagle it to work out.

Well, I wanted to ask if any of them were at the edge of the boat, like to the point where if they got hit real bad, they might topple over.

Ooh.

It's definitely a possibility if you angle like a forced attack or something in that direction.

Okay.

Just for transparency, they may make a dexterity check or something to see if they're able to keep their feet under them.

For sure.

I'm gonna just try to shoot my crossbow at one of the ones attacking Tolv or near Tolv.

Okay, yeah.

Shoot.

Nice.

23.

Oh yeah, that's great.

That will do

four points of damage.

Yeah.

The crossbow bolt impacts one of those trollings who

looks down at it and looks up at you and snarls.

And could I actually...

This is a bonus action that I meant to say before I rolled my damage.

Could I also cast branding smite?

Yeah, what does that do?

The bonus action is the next time you hit a creature with a weapon attack before the spell ends, the weapon gleams with astral radiance as you strike.

The attack deals an extra 2d6 radiant damage to the target.

Wow.

Yeah, absolutely.

So yeah, go ahead and roll that.

Won't be snarling for long.

That's an extra six points of damage.

Okay, so your crossbow bolt flies through striking it.

The trolling looks down at it, and as the branding smite takes hold, it begins to glow.

And, you know, the radiant damage impacts the trolling.

And the trolling kind of tries to shield its eyes from the glow, but it becomes too much.

And the trolling loses its balance and falls over the railing of the ship into the swirling whirlpool below.

And could I listen out for a little splash sound?

I'm going to tell you what.

You can.

It's going to be very difficult to hear because of the storm raging.

Make me an investigation check at disadvantage to see if you hear it.

Okay.

Seven.

You're not sure if you can hear it or not.

You hear the trolling yelling as it falls over the edge, which you just can't make out a splash.

It's just too loud.

It's whirling around you.

Colf tries to cover and goes, boom!

Guide him.

Gus, the way you were describing that, it was like almost like you were describing how the vampires would die like in the Blade movies.

Oh, yeah.

But then he just, he fell back.

I was like, oh, okay.

I was thinking at the end of Raiders, whenever the lightning hits them and then like beams of light come out of their mouth and orifices.

But he like literally a stake, like a bolt went into him.

And I was just thinking of like, you know, Wesley Snipes.

Anything else you can do, Doug?

I think that's it.

That's my turn.

All right.

Don't you have a blade tattoo?

Sorry to do that.

Okay.

You know he does.

You can maybe talk about that on a second window if I'm on it.

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Gunther, you're up.

I have a question about this harpoon that is attached to our ship.

Okay.

Where is it and is how like embedded into the ship is it?

So I'm not going to go back and look up the exact wording of it, but I'll give you a broad explanation.

It was a ballista arrow that was fired and then split off into multiple like ballista shafts that impacted your ship.

So it, what started as one spread out and now there's like several that are impacted into your ship and holding on.

So if you were thinking about like going and trying to remove it, it would take a while because there's a few.

There's several, right?

How many?

I believe it was three.

Three.

Hmm.

If you're gonna do something with that, I'm gonna go back and double check.

I'm just saying three to give an idea of where it is more or less.

I guess I could just, we could kill these guys first and then deal with it.

There's only two trollings left on the deck.

One that's threatening Toll and another one that was one of the limb throwers.

All right.

It's got your name on it, Gunther.

Yeah, Gunther reaches into his pouch and pulls his flail and goes, ha ha ha!

And throws it off the board.

I also do not need my weapon.

Solidarity.

Yeah, and then jumps.

And can he try and run and jump and stab that one by Toll?

Absolutely.

I love the camaraderie here by Gunther.

That's a nat 20.

All right.

28.

Yeah, that clearly hits.

So that's, How does that work out?

Yeah, I'll modify it.

So yeah, the DD Beyond did that thing where it automatically rolls the crit damage, but we do the thing where one of the die is at maximum damage.

So it says 15, but that's actually 22 points of damage.

That sounds good.

I'll take that.

Yeah, so you run at that trolling with your rapier, right?

Is that what you said?

Yeah.

And skewer the trolling, which falls limp on your rapier.

Just to flavor it a little, can I lift it up, swing it around, and fling it off the ship?

How strong is Gunther?

Yeah, make a strength check.

Okay.

That's the 17.

That's not bad.

Yeah, you're able to lift it up.

It takes both hands, but you're able to pick the trolling up and flick it off of your rapier into the swirling whirlpool.

We need nothing in this ship.

And then Gunther wants to run and just throw, he's throwing everything off the ship.

He wants to run and go and do the same thing on that last remaining trolling.

Charge at it?

Yeah.

And attack it?

Okay, yeah.

Make your attack roll.

23.

Yeah, that hits.

Okay, and that's 12 damage.

Does it look like they're still alive?

It seems like it's barely hanging on.

Alright, then I'm going to use a superiority dice to precision attack, and I will add the experience superiority die to the roll.

Oh, wait, no, sorry, that's not to the damage.

I'm sorry.

Oh, it's just to the attack?

Yeah.

I'm going to be honest with you, Chris.

I said it was barely hanging on so you could add damage or do whatever cool thing it was that you had in mind.

It was actually dead.

I was giving you an opportunity to do cool stuff.

So generous.

So yeah, it falls limp.

Is that it for your turn, Gunther?

Yes.

And now Gunther looks to Captain...

What's his name?

Garbles or Giggle.

What's his name?

Grumbles?

Not Grumbles, but Captain Tolls.

Ironclad?

Oh.

Ironclad?

Captain Tolls.

Okay.

What do we do now?

Oh, I'm the captain now.

Yeah.

Wait, so all of the trollings are dead, yeah?

Yes.

All the ones that boarded, yeah.

Okay, so we've like thoroughly embarrassed Ironclad with his boarding party of little silly boys.

I think we have to talk trash.

So if you could all join me in mocking Ironclad, I think that that's the next best method of attack.

I don't think your mama's loved you enough and you're taking all these problems out on other people and you need to spend some time introspectively dealing with your own problems so you don't make them other people's problems.

I think you're a motherless loser and you deserve all the bad things including uh paper cuts and splinters.

Und stubbed toes.

Und

Unstubbed toes.

Unst, unst, unst, unst.

I think that you are stupid.

Whoa!

That's pretty crazy.

Micah, just bleep out the word Barbara says, so that it sounds like it's a worse word than it was.

Like a really long bleep.

I think that you are

you.

I've heard that's quite the insult.

I am saying that I am ironclad you're over there because you look smelly.

Oh!

Oh, god, I am.

What now, ironclad?

Elva, do you have anything cool to say?

Go ahead.

Oh, yeah, you are a bad father.

Yeah, but I am a very bad father.

You all are hurling all these insults at Ironclad, and as, you know, he's receiving them, it seems like he's just gripping tighter and tighter onto the wheel of his ship.

Why?

You realize why?

Because all of a sudden, your ship suddenly smashes into a solid seabed, jostling you all about.

Everyone make a dexterity saving throw.

Like I hit the floor?

Yeah.

15.

20.

I rolled a 7 plus, I think, 3.

So 10.

17.

It so startles you, Natty, that it knocks you off your feet and you just lose your footing and fall down onto the deck of the ship.

So I'm just like prone?

Yeah.

I'm just like falling your butt, sitting down.

Okay.

Well, my butt is padded, so I think I'm okay.

Oh, thank God.

No damage.

Everyone, make me an investigation check.

Eight, six,

thirteen,

fourteen.

You all look around, and you know, everyone you can tell that it seems like you're on a solid seabed at the bottom of an ocean.

And it's like you're bordered by a cyclonian column of swirling water around and above.

Toll and dug, you're able to continue looking around, and you see that on the seabed around you, it's carpeted by a myriad of shipwrecks treasure and bones cool it's like the end of a little mermaid

yeah when ursula is all alone like moses is that you wrong place wrong time homie so he said like shipwrecks treasure and bones this might be where ironclad like this might be his spot Like do you think he planned this?

I don't know.

I mean, the spot does look familiar.

Like, I think it's a good idea.

I look at Ironclad.

Is he distressed or does he feel like this is the norm?

He has a big smile on his face.

But like, his ship is attached to ours, so like us being grounded, won't that also stop his ship?

No, it sounds like he, this is his intention.

Okay.

His ship is also on the seabed as well, alongside yours.

Always was a poopy driver.

Look at us.

Everyone, make me a wisdom check.

That's the one.

So, no.

Five.

Eight.

Come on, Doug.

Nine.

Wow.

We're.

Hey, is that what you wanted, guys?

You want us.

What do we learn with a nine?

Do we see my hammer?

What do we...

This party's been better about intelligence and wisdom than previous campaigns, but it's still a weak point.

I have a plus three, but I just rolled low.

Mud and Bart had wisdom to handle.

It's just intelligence.

We just...

Okay, Mud had wisdom to handle.

Laskiel walks over to you, Doug.

They are looking around wide-eyed and says, I think this might be Nanyumao.

That's where we were trying to go, wasn't it?

Is this where they had the keeping the sea drinkle?

This could be the place.

It is very difficult to find.

I wonder why Ironclyd would take us right here.

That's if he's been doing this on purpose.

He looks like he just might be crazy, and so we're smiling because of the crazies.

Could Ironclad be the sea drinker?

No, definitely not.

Laskiel continues talking to you, Doug.

The location of Nanyamo seems to change without rhyme or reason.

Those who've been here have never been heard from again.

Some say it holds the secret to eternal life, while others say it's an unending vortex.

Well, based on what I'm seeing, I think the never-ending vortex could be a little more accurate.

But those legs and arms were still alive, even though they were dead.

Nanimo was where we were trying to head to, right?

Yes.

And we were trying to head to where they might be keeping the sea drinker, which we thought was Nanimo.

Or did Nanimo have information as to where the sea drinker was?

You are under the impression this is where the sea drinker is.

Okay, thank you, guys.

Do we see anyone around here that looks like they might be, you know, thirsting for the sea?

Ironclad looks a little parched.

Can Natty get off the boat?

Yeah, you can stand up and get off and go on the seabed.

Ironclad would probably call out to Toll at this point, Toll and Elva, and say, What say you?

Shall we work together and find the sea drinker?

Or do you want to end this once and for all?

I want you to eat my butts.

I mean, come on, you think you're going to work together a body-butty?

Me and Elva hate you.

Although, I'm kind of curious, why do you want the sea drinker?

Why wouldn't I?

The sea drinker would be a powerful ally.

But have it your way?

Ironclad signals to his remaining trollings on his ship, and they begin racing to one of the nearby shipwrecks.

Okay, McDonald's!

Geez!

No, that's not.

Oh, that's that's Burger King.

Okay, BK, have it your way.

We should go look for also the Sea Sea Drinker.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's like us's favorite game show, Amazing Race.

I know it's not Korean, but Doug also knows a little bit of Japanese and knows that non-emo means nothing.

Oh, oh, okay.

That's a very uh if this place is anything like that word's meaning, it might mean this is just nothing.

We'll have to find out.

Okay, we have a map of where the Sea Drinker location is, right?

Now, Laskyl has a map.

Laskiller, what you mean?

We have have a map.

Yeah.

So Laskiel has a map of the area and they know where Nanamo is.

And that is presumably where the Sea Drinker is.

Just to be clear about what specific information is available.

Do we have any like freaky deeky magic things that could help us find it?

Like the eye gazer thing?

We got our own eyes.

Let's go look.

Okay, yeah.

Well, I have a question for Tolv.

Do you at all know what the Sea Drinker is supposed to look like or like how they, you know, present present themselves?

Gus, do I?

Because I know that Bjorn knew them and had some sort of relationship with them.

Did I ever encounter them?

Did that ever cross over into my whole...

Make me a history check.

You know, I majored in history at UT once.

What?

What do you mean, what?

What you didn't?

I did.

Yeah, and it's proven because I just got a NAT 20.

Thank you very much.

Duh.

Okay, so I got into the college with a history major, and then I switched the moment that they let me in.

I was like, you fooled me.

Yeah, I wrote a whole essay about how my dad's a history teacher and how I'm so passionate about history.

Lies.

You feel like you've seen old relic art depicting the sea drinker and you think you could recall what those art pieces depict the sea drinker looking like.

Oh my gosh, you're so right.

It is a squid-like creature with tendrils on face, period.

Body made of vaulter, period.

That's from memory.

What if we told ironclad that we do want to team up and then we do not and then we fight and we double cross yes

just going to be lowering myself to his level if i do that elva what do you think ironclad's out of communication range ironclad has booked it and taken off with the trollings and they are investigating uh shipwreck okay well in this situation we are the american gladiators the contestant has the head start now it's our turn to beat their bombs and to embarrass them because they have such a head start so let's go gang cool i hop off the ship got their follows so we're able to like easily explore this area because we're not underwater anymore that's like kind of cleared correct it's almost like a small sandy island at the bottom of the sea that's bordered by the whirlpool like you're in the eye of it and imagine the eye goes from the surface of the ocean straight down to the bottom and you're at the bottom of this swirling whirlpool and how big of a space is it like arena sized or like bigger it's pretty big you looking around there's at least eight different shipwrecks you see down here.

Gotcha.

Wow.

And where do they seem to be heading?

They're heading towards a half-buried frigate that appears to be upside down.

Does it have like a name on it or anything like that?

Or is there anything that makes it stand out?

Since it's upside down, you can't see like where the name would be.

It's buried in the sand.

Okay.

I mean, I guess we could try to head them off.

Let's go to our own ship.

Do you think we're playing like Guessie-Guessie?

Like, whoever.

Yeah, okay.

I thought that before I saw that Gustavo just rolled a dice to see which ship they go to.

Yeah, I thought that ship.

really should.

I'm being serious.

I thought that before.

I was like, they're probably going to go look for one, or we should go look for one.

But then it was confirmed when I saw that.

Okay.

Really quick, Gus.

What are the different ships?

What are our options?

You see a dinghy, a raft, a longboat, a sloop, a brigantine, a frigate, which Ironclad is going to, a man-of-war, and a ship of the line.

You're really testing our nautical

knowledge here.

Today I learned there's actually that many names and types of boats.

What are are the last three?

Frigate, Manowar, and Ship of the Line.

Maybe the Man of War.

Man of War is big, right?

I have a differing opinion, and so maybe I could go check out my own boat while you guys go check that.

I don't want to like stop you from going where you want to go.

I got stung by a man of war when I was a child.

I'm so sorry to hear that.

It was awful.

We gotta do something.

Natty goes to the raft.

We shall split into two.

Sure.

I'll go with Natty.

Okay.

You and me, Gunther.

We're going to the Man of War.

Yes.

Okay.

I'm going to do Naddy and Doug first because Naddy said the raft.

Remind me if I forget that you said mana war.

Blaine.

Okay.

If one of us discovers it, we do the secret whistle.

Go ahead.

Yeah, let's do it.

Gunther can't whistle.

Yeah, I don't think frogs can whistle.

I saw Chris really try.

He pursed his lips and he gave up pretty quickly.

Naddy and Doug, you make a beeline for the raft.

And as you approach it, you can see that the raft is skewered by some kind of razor-sharp coral.

Do you have a like a knife or anything like that?

For what?

To cut the coral off?

No, it's just stranded from that.

What are you thinking that we got to cut it free for?

I thought it was like covering the entrance.

It was like creating a bramble kind of a situation.

Yeah, like a barrier.

Yeah, is that what it is, guys?

Or is it just like a reef?

No, it's just like through the middle.

You can work your way around it.

Okay, we work our way around it.

Is it a complex raft or is it like Huckleberry Finn raft?

Let's say between the two.

It's not just like

a bunch of logs tied together, but it's not like a huge ship either.

Think of like an emergency life raft, like an escape raft, like you're getting off the Titanic kind of deal.

Like a little bigger than Tom Hanks raft in Castaway.

There's no little ring.

It's bigger than a bread box.

Then Natty would like to investigate the raft.

Me too.

Yeah, both of you make an investigation check.

Plus ones.

18.

12.

Just for fun, both of you roll me a 20-sided die.

Oh.

What's going to come out of here?

I think he's going to determine if you taint the endangered coral.

Nat 20.

Yeah.

Nice.

Hopefully it's good.

Nat 20's gotta be good.

It's always good, guys, for how many creatures come out of this thing in a test.

Oh wow.

As you're, you know, kind of looking around and investigating, Natty, you see a poster that seems to be skewered by some of the coral that's flapping around in the wind.

Okay, well, I'll go look at the poster since you're bringing it up.

You pick it up and flip it over, and it's a wanted poster.

Oh,

four.

I'm going to slack you what it says.

What does it say?

Share with the class.

Doug, as you're looking around, you see a skull on the raft.

And, you know, you kind of investigate a little bit.

You kick it over, and it seems like it has one glowing gray socket.

Can I make a request?

John, can John make a request?

Yeah.

We haven't done this in a while, but I'm actually going to request this to happen.

I want to tell Doug what I'm seeing, but I don't want to tell the other two.

So can you guys take your headphones off?

Give us a thumbs up whenever you're done.

Like, mute it and take it off.

I don't want you to hear a single thing I say.

Okay.

Hey, Doug, can you come over here real quick?

Yeah, what am I seeing?

I show Doug the poster, and it has Gunther's face on it.

Oh, my God.

And it says, reward 100 gold pieces, send word via Raven or bring to Sky Blue Falls Prison.

It's like a wanted poster.

100 gold is a lot of gold.

I want to clarify.

It's actually 1,000 gold pieces.

A thousand.

Sorry.

I misread that.

It's a thousand.

A thousand.

That's a lot of gold.

I feel like we should maybe hold this information to ourselves for just a little bit.

Not forever, just a little bit.

Just until this episode comes out and they could actually listen to this conversation happening.

Stop acting like Tove, okay?

So, okay, so that's what's happening, okay?

Okay, great.

I guess just like maybe fold it up and pocket it or something like that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Natty does that.

You can give him a thumbs up.

Gunther, it seems like Natty and Doug are having a great time.

They're talking very excitedly and laughing.

I wonder what's happened.

I found a skull.

It's got like a glowing gray socket in it.

Steel eye?

Does anyone recognize it?

And I like hold it up to everybody.

As you touch it and hold it up,

you wonder if that was a good decision or a bad decision to share with us.

Oh, okay.

Is there like an effect happening?

You just have like a weird feel, like that feeling in your gut in the pit of your stomach.

Like, maybe you should have kept it to yourself?

Where are we?

Are we?

Because are you inside?

We're running away to the

raft and then you two went to a different ship.

Yeah.

I just figured I would like yell it out as you guys are heading out.

Maybe the the the correspondence was picked up by ironclad.

Maybe.

As you're showing off your skull to the group, a second float skull appears and tries to take a bite at you, Doug.

Oh my god.

It hits AC

16.

Could I use shield as a reaction?

Absolutely.

So an invisible barrier of magical force appears and protects you until the start of my next turn.

I I have a plus five bonus to my AC.

So it would not hit me.

Okay, so yeah, it tries to bite.

It's just floating there trying to chomp at you, Doug.

Can I cast a firebolt at it?

25.

That is.

That does.

13 points of fire damage.

Headshot.

The skull catches fire and then falls to the ground.

Before we move on from this, could I tell what kind of skull it is?

Like if it's like a humanoid or like some other type of creature?

The one that tried to bite you?

Both.

They both appear humanoid.

So like normal size, not huge or smaller.

Yeah, medium size is what we would say.

Well, I don't know if I should take this with me or not, but uh, maybe just watch my back, Natty, and see if any other skulls are trying to munch on me.

I feel like it might be in your best interest to maybe drop that for the moment.

Okay, I'll put it down.

I just figured that it's kind of a coincidence that you picked up a skull and then got attacked by a skull.

That's fair enough, but I got my eye on you.

You put the skull back down on the ground, and then again, you're like, man, maybe that's the wrong decision.

This thing has me questioning a lot of things.

Weird.

I wonder if it, like, has some type of like mental effect.

The skull of insecurity.

The skull of anxiety.

Yeah.

Since I am a caster, could I maybe do some sort of check to see if I could tell if Doug is enchanted or cursed or something like that?

Make an arcana check.

Are you sure that's the right move, Natty?

A skull questions you.

Playing in my head right now.

17.

Yeah, it seems like there's some kind of enchantment on this skull that Doug picked up.

Okay.

Doug, I believe you left the oven on at your home.

You just see him frozen there in time.

You have an oven, Doug.

I'm going to, at this point, smash cut to Gunther and Toll,

who were on their way to the mana war.

I also want to keep an eye out for my hammer.

It's lost.

See, make a dexterity check, told.

Dexterity, okay.

Is it going to return to my hand like I am on to Thor?

Ooh, a 19.

You stub your toe and almost trip, but you catch yourself as your foot impacts your half-buried war hammer in the sand in front of the manowar.

There you are.

I give it a kiss, I brush off the sand, then I give it another kiss, and then I clean the sand off of my lips.

And before you is a shipwrecked man of war sitting at the bottom of the sea.

Cool.

Let us go in.

Yaw.

You board the man of war and you see that there are corpses all over the deck.

Numerous corpses.

Like what types of and what level decay?

Both of you make investigation checks and I'll answer them.

Don't worry, I got this one.

They have about two levels of decay on them.

Jerk.

That was good.

That was good.

A one and a ten.

That was a Micah one.

I can't steal this joke.

That was good.

As you look to determine the amount of decay on the corpses, you make a startling realization.

All of these corpses have hooks for hands.

It's no wonder they've wrecked.

I mean, dang, that must have been hard to steal the ship with a bunch of hook hands.

Yeah.

Is there anything else besides these corpses?

Can we like comb the ship?

Yeah.

Both of you roll me a D20.

11.

13.

There's not much of note.

Gunther, you find a small book.

And based on the title, it seems to be about tying different kinds of sailor knots.

Or Nito.

Oh, that's a good one.

You should keep that.

Yeah, I guess I'll keep it.

And as you're putting that in your pack, I assume you're putting it in your pack,

a flock of birds begins circling overhead, and they begin diving down, pecking at you.

Am I still raging?

No, you would not be raging anymore.

Okay.

One of them manages to successfully slash at you with its talons bent.

And it does one point of slashing damage.

It's like some kind of gross seagull.

Oh, seagulls are gross.

Sea Drinker, are you here?

No.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

I have an idea.

I have a tinderbox and a torch.

I want to light it up, and then maybe we can miss direct ironclad.

Oh, yeah.

By acting like we're signaling for...

Well, actually, we should probably see if this actually is the sea drinker on the ship or not.

Did anyone respond?

Did anyone respond?

You haven't even investigated the ship yet.

The seagulls circle and swoop again.

This time, one of them hits toll, doing one point of damage.

Oh, I love Space Age love song.

Getting into deeper cuts, their second hit.

Some may argue that's even better than Iran.

Just saying Fox Seagulls.

Yeah, you got there.

This is cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Can we go below deck where the seagulls are not?

Yeah.

You descend into the belly of the man-o-a-war.

And I know all about this because I have a book on knots.

Because you said where the seagulls are not.

It's a stretch.

It's a bit of a stretch.

it's a stretched away there go there i know i know i did not get it okay hey hey we want we want man we want doug and natty to take their headphones off to save yourselves from our jokes

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You descend into the hold and begin going down the stairs, and then very quickly you're just met with sand.

Like the bottom deck of the man of war is submerged in sand.

I hate sand.

It gets everywhere?

Of course.

It's everywhere.

Is there anything like, is it just sand, or is there like, it could be anything buried in it?

Make an investigation check.

All right.

All right.

That's a 10.

That's a, that's a pretty, you know, like, pretty good.

That's pretty good.

As far as rolls go, I think that's a pretty great role.

Pretty good.

On a scale of one to ten.

That's perfect.

Is that true?

I mean, he's not wrong.

I like Blaine's overenthusiastic laugh, helping to sell the joke.

Like, yeah, that is good.

I mean, on a scale from one to ten, it's, yeah, that's some guts up at.

You hear some kind of rattling just below the surface of the sand, Gunther.

Could I try and start digging where that rattling might come from?

Yeah, you begin digging, and just below the surface, you see a chest, and it seems to be rattling.

Try re-open it.

I don't think the sea drinker is in there, but I am so curious, and I know what they say about the cat, but I'm gonna take my warhammer to the lock of this chest and blast it open.

Okay, and I'll prep and have my sword ready, shield out.

Good call.

Good call.

Okay.

Tall of you bring your warhammer down and smash the chest open.

And as you do so, many gold coins come hopping out, jumping jumping all over the place.

Like when Sonic hits a spike.

Right, yeah, all over you guys, just out and about.

Are they like animated or did they just spew out?

Yeah, was this like spring-loaded?

They're still hopping.

They're hopping away from you guys.

I think that this is like some sort of game like trickery, like cursed coin.

Can I try and grab one?

Yeah, make a dexterity check.

Your greed, no no, 15

us all.

Yeah, you're able to snatch three of the gold coins and they're wiggling in your hand.

Yeehee, they're funny.

Get 47 more and you can get the next Chaos Emerald.

I think we should go from here.

This does not seem like Sea Drinker.

Okay, I will light up a torch, though, and as loud as possible, directed towards Ironclad's group, it would be like, Gang, we found her!

It is the Sea Drinker!

She is in this ship, the man of war.

Don't tell Ironclad!

Do not tell Ironclad.

He cannot know that this is the location of the Sea Drinker.

As you begin signaling with the torch, two of those seagulls come down and slash you for a total of two points of damage, Tol.

The sea drinkers do attack and defeat all the seagulls first, and then the sea drinker appears.

Make a deception check, Toll.

I think I'm gonna nail this one, guys.

I mean an 18.

Pretty good.

Pretty good.

Natty and Doug.

Toll seems to be calling you guys over.

Yeah,

we didn't plan this, so Naddy and Doug are going to head over there.

What?

You didn't tell us that there was going to be a fake out.

We did not whistle.

Natty and Doug, you better head over to that mana war.

I think Tov has found the sea drinker over there.

I mean, I guess we're going to have to go around at some point, so maybe we could just look at a ship on the way.

If I didn't wink, would it make you guys not think that?

I was just waiting for you to do anything that would tell us that this was a ruse, but you didn't.

So I'm going to play in the space and say we got to head over there.

I don't know.

I feel like I would be able to tell, though, if he's purposely telling Ironclad to go over there.

We know Tolv enough that he doesn't trust Ironclad, so.

You both can make a vibe check if you want.

That's what I was going to say.

I think we have to let dice decide.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't think we get to meta our way out of this.

Vibe check.

What's that again?

Insight.

I am of no help.

I just rolled A7.

21.

Okay.

Yes.

Doug, you think Colva is being a little sneaky here?

I think he's pulling on a leg.

He holds up the leg that he's still holding on to.

That's kind of mileage.

He's getting a lot of mileage out of that one.

Every time she's going to get rid of that thing,

he's going to start chewing on you.

It's comedy gold.

Yeah, yeah.

Getting rid of this guy.

Or as it's unfunny, the skull asks.

You look around and diggy's got an arm in his mouth.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so should we maybe check another boat?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let's check another one.

All right.

Well, before you do that, then I'm going to resolve Toll trying to talk to Ironclad.

Smart.

So first, what I'm going to do is I'm going to make a perception check to see if Ironclad hears you.

Toll, you're rolled an 18.

So yeah, he would hear you, then he's going to do his own vibe check.

Pale.

Aka insight check.

Pale.

It's not great.

Toll, you see Ironclad look up, look in your direction, and begin running towards the Mana War.

He's so stupid.

He's such an idiot.

Let's go to another ship.

I'm sorry.

sorry he's just gonna chase you now okay can we sneak away

we try and sneak away yeah both of you make stealth checks to see if you're able to sneak away like maybe we wait till we get on the other side of the ship and wait till ironclad tries to enter and then we run that around yeah okay i'm at a deception for uh stealth a rolled nate disadvantage you mean disadvantage you said deception i'm so sorry yeah disadvantage my brain is warped 13 14 not bad that's pretty good we'll get to the results of that as you try to sneak away after we deal with back to Doug and Natty.

Okay.

Alright, Doug,

which one you want to go to?

I would like to look at the

longboat.

That was very...

What's his name?

The Looney Tunes pig.

That's what that guy sounded like.

Which one you want to go to?

The Longboat.

I think that's a good.

I like that one.

Let's go to the Longboat.

It kind of reminds me of Longbow.

Oh, the Longboat of Triumph.

Yes, exactly.

You walk over to the longboat, and it seems like the longboat is like intertwined and encircled and grappled by a giant squid carcass.

Isn't the sea drinker supposed to be kind of like squid-like?

Yeah.

I don't know if this is a good sign or a bad sign.

I know.

Squid-faced.

Squid-faced.

Like squid-like tendrils on the face.

Yeah.

Like Cthulhu-like with a water body.

Gotcha.

Alright, we investigate around here.

Yeah, let's check out this boat.

Both of you make investigation checks.

23.

Woof.

It's good, because I rolled a two.

And then just for fun, both of you roll me D20s.

Not bringing around that skull anymore.

Feels good.

19.

5.

Okay.

This is why we're such a good team.

Balance.

Although maybe Gus is hoping that we need to both roll high.

Maybe it's like a group thing.

Maybe.

I don't know.

Or maybe I'm just making you roll because I'm trying to make you think.

Maybe.

Something's going on.

You both investigated.

Both your rolls were pretty good.

As you're looking around on the longboat, you find a single golden manacle with five links.

Wait, what?

A manacle with five links, as in just links of chain attached to it?

Yeah, exactly.

So it's not attached to anything, it's just dangling with some like...

It's just loose and free.

Can I pick it up and look through it?

You keep picking up cursed stuff in this way.

Wait, do you think I shouldn't?

Is this gold still here?

No, pick it up.

Pick it up.

Let's see.

Yeah, you pick it up and it just seems to be like it's not plated.

It's an actual solid gold manacle with five links on it.

That's a fancy manacle for a fancy prisoner.

Yeah, that's what I'm wondering.

Normally you you don't invest that kind of money into holding somebody.

Does it seem like it's been like broken?

No, all the chains are intact.

And if you had to estimate, you'd say this is probably worth nine gold pieces.

Ooh.

Can I take it?

That's a natty, I guess.

Yeah, I mean, I don't care.

I'm gonna pocket this guy.

Not this guy, though.

Not that guy.

Hey, come back here.

Are you told?

The choice is yours.

So, Doug found the manacle what?

Like, on the is a long, what's the construction of a longboat, Gustavo?

Wood?

Is that what you're asking?

Well, like, is it like, are there levels to it?

Is there a lower area?

Is there like, where did we find this manacle?

Oh, this is just out on the deck, on top of the longboat.

There does not appear to be any below-deck area.

Micah says it's long, which is very descriptive.

Thank you, Mike.

There we go.

Yeah, thank you.

That's what I was thinking.

Yep, that's what I wanted.

Okay, well, we've looked.

We found something.

Nothing bad happened.

You got some gold.

I don't think we found the sea drinker.

Can you think of anything else with your smart noggin?

I mean, I feel like we've seen all we could see over here.

We guess we could just keep going.

Both of you make perception checks.

Uh, 19.

15.

As, you know, you two are trying to figure out your next move, you notice some rustling and some bits of cloth, and on the deck of the ship, it seems like two skeletons form out of cloth and rise, and they look at each other and begin chanting.

Okay.

It's in a language you don't understand.

Are you sure about that?

Is it a language that Gigi understands?

Gigi's doing that the thing that dogs before he like turns his head sideways.

Yeah.

And looking at them?

No, Giggy is not sure what they're saying either.

Okay, but I say, howdy, y'all, what you up to?

Do you understand what I'm saying?

They don't seem to acknowledge you at all.

They're just looking at each other and they continue chatting.

What if I hold up the gold manacle?

No reaction.

Maybe it's related to the manacle, maybe it's not.

One of them begins raising its arms to skyward.

Okay, Nanny's gonna try parroting and walk up to them and mimic what they're saying and mimic their motions.

Could I also do, I don't know if it'd be like a history check or something, but do they seem to be doing the same pose as we saw on those mosaics we saw?

Great callback.

Zodia thing.

Make it a history check.

Big roll, good roll, big roll, good roll.

Yeah.

Wow.

You think about it and it doesn't seem exactly the same.

It doesn't seem to be like the same whatever that was.

And as you're watching and thinking about it, clothes begin raining down from the sky.

Clothes?

Yeah, tunics and pants.

Pants.

Okay.

This is so confusing.

I'm just, I'm just perplexed.

Is there like a god of wardrobe or something like that?

I don't know.

The skeletons seem to dissipate and lose their form, and they just fall back into piles of cloth on the deck of the ship.

The man of wardrobe?

Yeah, they that's very different ship.

We're too far away to hear bad jokes.

Okay.

Is there anything notable in the clothes?

Are they just mundane clothes?

Make an investigation check.

I will.

Thank you.

Sky officer.

Put it down.

Put it down.

Investigation 19.

It just seems like mundane clothing and, frankly, pretty drab.

Okay.

Well, I mean, yeah.

Everything compared to me is.

Where would that have been coming from?

Because it's just like, that's just the sky above us, right?

There's nothing floating above us.

Oh?

Should we check the squid?

I think you should as a gesture of goodwill.

Why?

Why is this a cursed episode?

Why is this a cursed episode?

What's the joke?

The old discarded clothes.

Goodwill.

Oh.

There you go.

I thought it was something related to the squid.

I didn't get it either.

Okay, there you go.

That's pretty good.

Okay, I'm going to go check out the squid, and then I'll stop wasting everybody's time with whatever this longboat story is.

Yeah, we'll make another investigation check.

Doug, help.

I will, too, will investigate.

I feel like this squid might hold secrets.

15.

14.

Okay.

People are listening to this.

They'd like to see.

No, I know.

But

I feel like this boat is not a sea drinker boat.

You mean the clothes skellingtons?

Yeah.

It doesn't seem to me that this is where our god is.

You begin, you know, looking around the giant squid carcass, and as you're investigating it and like lifting different pieces, you find a swarm of baby squid that come out and begin flopping around all around your feet, Natty.

Oh my gosh.

Hey, you like babies.

I just had a thought, and now I have to roll a dice.

Oh no.

Giggy starts eating one of them.

Oh!

Anyway,

that's my rule.

If I have an impulse thought of what Giggy might do, I have to roll for it.

Baby squids flopping around and clothes falling from the sky.

That equals what?

You look down at Giggy while he's eating one of the squid.

You notice something shiny in the sand.

Okay, this just keeps getting better.

What is it?

You lean over to get a closer closer look and it looks like a golden medallion of some kind.

It's covered in dust.

I would like to send my aura out to check to see if this is bad.

Your aura out?

What does that mean?

It's kind of like, you know, same thing of like, is Doug cursed?

I'm going to like feel like

vibes.

I see.

Yeah, do a narcotic check.

Matt 20, 21.

That's a good roll.

It does appear that this medallion has some kind of enchantment on it.

You know what?

Win in Rome.

I grab it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You grab it, and as you pick it up, you see that it has some kind of cracked emblem on it.

Yeah?

What's that look like?

A bullseye target.

Ooh.

That sounds cool.

Okay.

There's a bullseye target on a medallion that I'm holding in my hand.

Is there be anything else that has been like a target or like a bullseye imagery?

I don't think so.

Oh, hey, Doug.

Since those two boys are over there, maybe you could telepathically ask them if they know about that?

It might be out of rain.

Oh, okay.

I think it's within 60 feet, but I might have used it up because I think it's one per long rest.

Okay.

Never mind.

Also, full disclosure, if you had telepathed into my brain, I would have started screaming and thought I was going mad.

The medallion is like what?

Like it would have been on like on a chain or something?

I don't know.

I pocket this thing.

Yeah.

Okay, I pocket it.

Golden Bullseye Medallion.

Thank you.

Alright, we should let the other boys play.

Yeah, I'm gonna cut over back to our other boys who are sneaking away from the man of war.

Which ship do you want to go to?

Or where do you want to go?

Actually, I shouldn't railroad you like that.

Where do you want to go?

Where do you want to do?

You pray to the sea drinker to see if you feel guided.

Yeah, sure, why not?

Okay.

Dear Sea Drinker, it's me Tov.

Hey,

good to talk to you again.

Hope you've been well.

I'm looking for you right now.

So if you give me any sort of sign or anything cool like that, yeah, bless up.

Amen.

Make a religion check.

Okay.

14.

Close your eyes in prayer to the sea drinker.

And when you open them, you feel like you see something sparkling over at the sloop.

I think that we should go to the sloop.

I feel like hauling there.

That's okay.

But we should sneak.

Tee hee tee hee.

Yeah, you all did make your stealth checks and you got you did pretty good.

Let's go snoop on the sloop.

You snoop your way to the sloop.

and as you get closer, told, you see three rectangular standing stones that are covered in starfish and the stones seem to be arranged like the letter Z or Z, depending on where you're from.

Arranged in the letter Z?

Like, I'm trying to understand what that...

What's a standing stone?

Yeah.

Like, if you were looking at a top-down view, it looks like the letter Z.

And the standing stone is just like a stone that's seemingly planted in the ground.

You know, it's got like vertical.

It's not just like a bolter.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm just checking.

And just to be clear, Steady, so it's kind of like Stonehenge.

Imagine that.

Okay.

Okay.

So they're big also.

I mean, yeah, they're kind of big, yeah.

Does it look like the runes that are on my shield?

This might be a bit of a spread?

I mean, in a way, you know, you got like that less than and greater than.

It kind of looks like it could be a Z, right?

I mean, A.

It's like upside down, yeah.

It's also hard to see because the stones are covered in starfish.

Where is this relative to the stoop or sloop?

It's like inside of the sloop.

Oh, okay.

Like the sloop was crashed around it.

Okay.

I'm gonna approach one of the starfish.

I guess gently touch it in a friendly way.

Like it's like, hello, it's a sea creature friend.

It's me told you who.

Make a investigation ship.

Nine.

You know, you reach out and, you know, touch your sea friend, the starfish.

And as you do so, the central standing stone begins lowering into the sand, transforming into a descending stone staircase.

Cool.

you touched the right starfish

we touch a lot of the wrong things over here

guntho starts trying to go

i think guntho has gas

i think he's hyperventilating these are not my real lips i do not know how to whistle i mean they could be trying to whistle should we go over there vibe check

I rolled a one.

I pull out a coin and I try.

Is there any sunlight out or anything like that?

Any light source or anything?

Sure.

Okay, this is like an actual thing that you would do to signal for rescue or something.

I try to like reflect light in their direction to kind of get their attention, but subtly from undercover so that Ironclad doesn't see.

Yeah, a single beam of light descends down and striking the coin for just a moment.

You have to be insulting about it, Gustav.

It's not insulting.

It's

your pure luck.

Your earlier prayer is still giving you boons.

There you are.

Oh, yes.

Yeah, we need that Doug Boons.

Yeah.

Doug, I think they might have finally found something.

You think?

Maybe.

Maybe.

I don't know.

I feel like we're getting close to the end of this episode, so yeah.

I did say I thought I heard them whistle, but let's all ignore Doug.

No, I heard that.

You're right.

I heard that.

But my vibe check was a one, so I didn't think it was a whistle.

But yeah, let's go.

I don't know.

It could just be a reflection off of something, and just for fun.

Yeah, let's go look at another boat.

You hustle over after hearing that wonderful whistle and seeing that glint of light.

They both call you over, and you see Toll and Gunther standing on top of a descending staircase in these stones that are covered in starfish.

You two who just showed up, make me a

perception check.

16.

I was on a 13 and rolled over to a one, so it's a seven.

As you approach and begin walking up to your friend's natty, something catches your eye on the standing stones.

Behind the starfish, you can see what appear to be veins of a strange metal running through the stone.

And it seems to be the same kind of metal you see on Tov's metallic skeleton.

Interesting.

Huh.

I pointed out to Tov.

Hey, Tov, look.

Samesies.

Oh, gee, that's me.

What the heck?

I I feel like we're on a good...

We're on the right direction.

Is this your mama?

This rock?

Well, you are made from inorganic material.

I mean, do I even have a mother and a father?

Who am I?

What is my name?

But you continue descending?

Yeah.

Can Tollv lead?

Yes.

Yeah.

What is the marching order here, just so I know?

The boys can go first.

Yeah.

I would think we'd be in the back.

Yeah.

Okay, so I'm just going to say Tolv, Gunther, Doug, Natty.

Yeah.

And Private Paw.

And a bunch of NPCs we don't need to worry about.

Yeah,

they're in the middle there.

Elva.

As you all descend, Natty, the stairs behind you rise and retract back up into the ground, hiding the staircase as you begin your descent.

That's handy.

I hope we don't need out.

You descend and you find yourself in a large circular stone room that have veins of metal with steam wafting up through cracks in the floor.

As you are looking around, trying to get your bearings, you hear a guttural roar that seems to rumble the room, and the stone floor begins cracking and spewing lava everywhere.

Is this the end of our party?

Will they succumb to the magma?

Liquid hot magma?

Find out on the next episode.

No, no, you can't land it like this.

I attack the lava.

I rolled an 11.

Your weapon melts and becomes lava.

Oh.

Tov descends into the lava, and as he goes down, a single arm raises up, and then the thumb protrudes from his hand.

Dun dun dun dun dun.

Gunther, we can recreate episode one.

Didn't you die falling into lava?

Yeah.

Was Was it a premonition of this?

Is the prophecy going to come true?

Find out in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

You're just going to ignite all of our jokes.

No, that's not.

No, no, no, no.

It's Christmas in July, which means we have a new Gunther's Quest shirt at store.stinkydragonpod.com.

And if you bundle it with three Chris character shirts, Gum Gum, Barney, or Gunther, you get 15% off.

And thanks to Chris, anyone who uses the code Christmas, which is chr3s mas gets three percent off their entire order but hurry these deals are only available for what well the rest of july and don't worry the chris character tea bundle discounts i'm auto applied at checkout for any applicable purchase uh and each store checkout is limited to one discount offer head over to store.stinkydragonpod.com and pick up some chris stuff to celebrate christmas New episodes of Tales from the Stinky Dragon premiere every other Wednesday where we stream podcasts and on the stinky dragon youtube channel wanting us to show 48 hours early and ad-free you You can support us on either platform, become a patron at stingingdragonpod.com or join as a member on beacon.tv.

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Here's a quick peek from the latest episode of Second Wind.

I want to commend you, Mike.

I think that was a super cool visual, a super cool idea for a way to approach like a big, imposing boat.

It's like it's multiple boats hooked up together.

And I thought that was a really cool idea.

Thank you.

I went through a couple iterations of like, should they be stacked on top of each other?

Should they be like all just next to each other, like connected, not even just via like gang planks, but just all like sharing the same hole?

Should there be like, should it be an iceberg situation where they're below, you know, it's like the other ships were also fully built out like this one was.

And the episode just didn't take you there.

You just didn't go.

And that's fine.

That's what, that's what happens in D D, but it's like all of them were unique and had tons of different traits and features.

And like, oh, it was going to be really cool if there had been a lot of movement between the three of them.

And it's fine that we stayed on the blindfold, but it's like, oh, there was so much more that we could have really dug into here.

You had like a

whole different system for battling, right?

Well, yeah, kind of.

I use like stat, I found stat blocks for actual ships, and

which was probably a bit much.

But I think if I were to do it, we would, we would just need to like do a tavern tale or something or just like a live stream of us just playing with boats, like actual battleship almost, just like do that.

And because there are systems out there that are for like war versus like hand-to-hand combat kind of thing, like big scale scale stuff.

And I feel like that's probably the better mechanic, but it's still more fun to be like, you're in the cinematic moment of swinging on, you know,

a line across the ship's, you know, bow or something.

I'm somewhat sad that we didn't get to see more of the Dockmaster.

Yeah, maybe we'll come back to the Dockmaster and its various accoutrements.

One of these days, we'll get that navy battle.

Once again, that's stingydragonpod.com.

We're incredibly grateful for your support, support, which makes this show possible.

Listeners who interacted with us on the stingy dragon Discord had NPCs named after them this episode.

Alec Elva, who's actually voiced by Charlotte Avery at moms underscore home underscore from Astro Goblin.

Check out their YouTube channel.

Lousy Laskiel, named after Alex B007, voiced by Chad James at Chad JamesRT from Death Battle.

And Yarl Ironclad, voiced by Adam Ellis at adam.e.

Ellis.

This week's hour question was submitted by The Silent Taco.

This episode of Tales from the Stingy Dragon is produced by Benner's, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional additional editing work by Catherine Arnold and David Sonia.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Troll.

Yeah,

like a T-R-A-W-L.

Is it?

Oh, is it spelled T-R-O-L-L?

I don't know.

You're making me question it now.

Yeah, now I am too.

I've never written it down.

Trolling T-R-O-L-L.

Oh, but there are also fishing trawlers, T-R-A-W-L.

That's what I was saying.

It's both.

But what's the T-R-O-L-L you're referring to?

Same.

Oh.

Why?

Why same?

What?

It is the same.

English is dumb.

That's why I speak Korean.

We're switching to Korean.

Switching, Doug.

All right, everyone.

Welcome back to the Dougs on the ones and twos equals threes.

I know you missed me.

It's been a while, I think.

Doug loses track of time sometimes, you know?

Sometimes he does the show, sometimes he doesn't.

This week, we're joined by Natty Wonders.

Hey, Doug!

Natty, welcome to the show.

Is this your first time on the Dougs and the Ones and Twos Equals Threes?

I think this might be like my second time.

I'm not quite sure.

I, you know, I listen so often, I forget, you know, when I've been able to participate.

Just a big fan.

Just a big fan.

Wow, thank you so much.

You are probably one of our five listeners that we have on this show which is four more than doug was expecting because doug also listens to his own radio show every other day what sort of radio show do you like this to be is it just for call-ins and advice do you play music or is this something where like you got like trivia or something like that you know daddy that's a great question doug has not flushed it out quite yet so far it's just been a little bit of banter for about 30 seconds while everyone goes to urinate.

Well, how about I'll facilitate and ask a question.

How about a question you give advice?

Oh, I love that.

Okay, so I have a little baby boy, and he's got a big job to do someday, and I want to get him prepared for that job.

The job being, of course, ending the world and bringing about the next timeline and

the new age.

Of course.

How do I teach him how to destroy the world, but also not put too much pressure on him?

Because you know, parents that put too much pressure on their kids, those kids just end up being screwed up.

And that's all the time we have today.

Hey, ladies and gentlemen.

Thank you so much for listening to Doug Dunno.

We'll address that question when Delta has had time to ruminate and read a couple books on the meaning of life.

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