C03 - Ep. 14 - Brig of Endridge Bay - Tall Pub Crawl Fall

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Fate is a funny thing.

It's not a game of chance like rolling dice on a table.

Nor does it follow after us regardless of our choices.

But fate will find all those who don't act at all.

Our four friends are running out of time. Destiny will soon knock at the door.
Are they ready to answer the call?

What?

Ring, ring, everyone. Hello, it's your dungeon master Gustavo Sorola, and I'm calling, and I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.
Wait, wait, I don't have an arrow.

You guys, since the last episode, have leveled up two levels. So in lieu of a typical arrow, I'm going to hit you with two level ups.

And I want each of you to explain to me how your character developed their new capabilities in world. Have you been training, learning? What have you been doing?

What's happened that allowed you to gain access to these new things? The floor recognizes Ms. Dunkelman.
What did he mean by running out of time? We're only,

we're 14 episodes in.

We're running out of what? We started this recording like 10 minutes late. We're like really on schedule.
I appreciate it if we stay on top of that. It's true.
We did. We did.

So yeah, I could take volunteers or I can call on the class. Should we roll? We can roll.
Oh, you can roll. Yeah.
Yeah. Chris, give yourself an inspiration, Die, for raising your hand.

I appreciate that. Oh, my goodness.

Today's wonderful. What is it, Christmas? I rose my hand before Chris, but it was for something else.

We're used to you having normal lines of communication. Chris, on the other hand, is Pavlovian dog.
We want him to develop this.

I rolled a two. I rolled an 11.
13. 15.
Ooh. All right.
Did you see the good karma that comes from raising your hand?

So I believe a 15 was the highest. So go for it.
Hello, I am Chris Damaris, and I'm playing Gunther, the

level five.

Chris is joking.

Level five. Yeah, Croak Folk, Frog, and

Give me one second. Hello, everyone.

I

thought it was soft.

I was

Mr. Barbecue Saw.

I was talking with Doug and Doug said that the brain is the most powerful organ in the entire body. And I said, that isn't how is that possible when I work so strong to be strong.

And then, and yet, and so I started thinking about that and I and I slept on it. And in my sleep, I began to train using my mind.

In my sleep. And I trained every night while I slept using my mind.

And then today when I awoke, I learned that I am stronger. Not only am I stronger in that whenever I stab, I can make a pierce more.

But also, now I stab twice.

Oh.

I believe if you asked Doug, he would say that's twice as good. I don't want to speak for him.
Well, you know, like one times two is two. So yeah, that's twice one.
That's correct, Gustavo. Very good.

It's voice and die for bust.

yeah i did not know that it was that when you go to battle you could just stab twice i had not thought of it

well luckily you slept a lot and you're able to figure it out so thank you doug for teaching me how strong my brain can be barb doing math as an adult in her 30s sounds a lot like me trying to help my children with math

i feel like there's a similar dynamic here with doug and gunther it often ends in me going let's google this.

I think that's one of the main reasons I could never have kids is because I couldn't, I could be of no help for their homework.

I mean, that's where like Google and just the internet in general just goes, oh, okay, that's what the equation is for this. Yep.
I've got a freshman in high school now.

So there, she's, she's into echelons of math that I'm like, I haven't utilized that in a while. I think all we do on this podcast is C squared is equal to A squared plus B squared.
Yeah, yeah.

Got that down. Got that down.
Pythagorean theorem, we should have that on a shirt for us.

D and D. So, Gunther, you can attack twice, which is very cool.
What, like,

did you gain any strength or stealth or anything? Charisma, perhaps? You need a little bit of that?

No, I did not grow stronger with muscle, but I grew faster. Ooh, and more dexterious.

Y'all, I think Gunther just fell off a cliff.

Dex.

Terius.

Meta-wise, I get two attacks now. And then I also got the piercing feet.
Oh, that's what you were trying to say. You can pierce feet? How about you can pierce all kinds of stuff?

That's not the thick part of the skin, not much woolly hood to really get like a whole ghosting to do.

Not because that's the skinny part where I see with the webbed toes. Oh, that's true.
But yeah, piercing feet. Ability score increases.
I increases my dexterity by one.

And I get puncture once per turn. When you hit a creature with an attack that deals piercing damage, you can re-roll one of the attack's damage die, and you must use the new roll.

And then enhance critical.

When you score critical hit that deals piercing damage to a creature, you can roll one of the additional damage die when determining the extra piercing damage that the target takes.

So, for example, I just want to make sure I'm clear on how that works exactly. You have a rapier that is a piercing weapon that you use, and the damage die on that is 1d8 plus 7.

So, if you crit, typically you roll two die and normally we give one of them at maximum. So you would get 8 plus 1d8 plus 7.
But with this, you get 8 plus 2d8 plus 7. Is that correct? Yeah.
Whoa.

That feels powerful. Well, that's when you crit.
So it's like a 1 in 20.

Oh, oh.

But now I have a 1 in 10 chance. It does.
1 in 10 chance of it happening when I attack. Yeah, you know, on a d20, there's 20 different numbers on one die.
So if you hit a 20, that is one out of 20.

So that is correct. Thank you.

Thanks. She did the math or he did the math.
But yeah, that's potentially up to 31 points of damage. That's pretty good.
Also, Doug Boone math book available now in the Steam Dragon store.

Yeah, it's just the most simplistic equations. I bet we could do that.

Yes. Yeah, like a Doug Children's book.
Is that it for you, Gunther? Yeah. Well, and then the double attacks was the other level.

So two attacks per turn. It's pretty good.
So double the chance of rolling a 20. Yeah.
Double the fun. All right.
Cool. Thanks, Chris.
Slash Gunther. Who was next?

I think someone had a 12, if I remember right. Let me pull that up.
13. 13.
Let's get the voice back. You who?

It's me. Blaine.
I'm being played.

I'm going to take that from the top. Hey, it's Blaine.
I'm Blaine 12. You who? Okay, I'm stepping in.

Tag me in, coach.

Okay, so.

I upgraded. I have new things that I can do.
Okay, I don't want to brag, Okay.

But I have this thing called Sentinel. Ooh, everyone.
Yeah. Yeah.
So like my ability score. I'm like much more dexterous, like Gunther.
Or as he said, Dex.

Dexterous.

Yeah, and I have this thing

where I basically I'm like the dude from the bridge scene in Spider-Man 3 where like he says if you mess with one of us you mess with all of us so like say that we're we're in a fight and someone's within five feet of you guys and then they attack you and i'm there also within five feet i get an opportunity of attack oh

so that's cool and then i i can also make people you know like fall down like their their speed becomes zero you know from opportunity attacks that's pretty cool it's called halt So I'll just say halt who goes there.

How'd you get all that stuff? You know, you know, it's good that you should ask that, Doug, because you can learn a lot of things when people aren't throwing arrows at you all at the time.

You know, when you finally get some rest and you don't have, you know,

Colonel Boy or Sergeant Steelai yelling at your face. You know, you can do a lot of things when you just relax, when you just take a deep breath.
Oh, if you do some like meditation or something?

I did so much meditation, Doug. It was great.

I found a waterfall. And I stared at it.

I found a tree and I stared at it. Was it the tallest waterfall on the whole earth.
Yeah, severin season two. And then I found a frog and I stared at it, but then it was Gunther.

So I just kept staring at Gunther. Yeah.
I stared back. What? I stared back.
Yeah, yeah. We just kind of stared at each other.
Yeah. It turns out Gunther was just sleeping, but because

his eyes just kind of look open. Yeah.
I didn't forget we needed to say why how we got it. I wanted to set up the thing about throwing arrows and stuff.
So anyways, that's pretty much it, it, though.

I just, I have an extra attack. My dexterity score went up.
And I have this thing called Sentinel, which gives me Guardian and Halt.

So, if you guys get in a fight and I'm there with you guys, and then they attack you, I'm basically trying to get the person to attack me as the barbarian.

Like, they should be attacking me, not you guys. So, I think that'll be fun once we get into combat.
Yeah. Can I dig into Guardian a little bit here? I want to make sure I understand it correctly.

Because I'm reading it right here.

So, if a creature within five feet of you takes disengage or hits someone else besides you with an attack, you immediately make an opportunity attack against that creature.

And if you hit any creature with an opportunity attack, that creature speed becomes zero. So it stops moving.
It can't move away anymore. Yeah.

So it's like, once people are trapped up against me, they're going nowhere.

Like Spider-Man one, I've got you in the cage for five minutes. Sorry, I just watched the trilogy of this video.

Is it that odd on your brain? Sam Raimi, classic.

And just to clarify further, because you know, I love rules, it gives you an opportunity attack, and an opportunity attack is a reaction.

So you still only get one per turn because it's still a reaction. If four people were around you trying to attack, you would only get to attack one of them as an opportunity attack.

I'm glad you clarified that now because you, I almost got egg on my face the next encounter. Oh, I would have gotten so angry.

Yeah, just

pointed out that I think this is fresh on my mind because I was listening to one of the infinite second winds where I say, I wish I had called that out.

Yeah, I let someone get away with too many opportunity attacks, Chris. And I just want now that I know a lot more,

I want to be more cognizant of it. Well, you know, it's good to forgive and forget.

And so forget that ever happens. And if you would like to listen to those infinite second wind episodes, those are available now over at stinkydragonpod.com.

We recorded second wind for every infinite episode, and they're available to patrons. So go check it out at stinkydragonpod.com.
Excellent time. 86 episodes.
It's so sad.

Took a long time. Everyone worked equally hard on them.

Everyone did different things on them.

Me, Barbara, the non-editor of the group. I helped in other ways that I tried.
You did great, Barbara. You guys did a great job.
Is that it for you, Tolf? Yeah, I can't think of any Spider-Man quotes.

Go ahead. Who's next? Okay, I believe Doug is up.
Doug, if you want to step up to the ones and the twos. Hello, Doug's on the ones and the twos.
That equals threes. What's up, guys?

Here for episode 14, back on a new campaign. Well, apparently we are running out of time.

What could it mean?

I'm Farborough Dunkelman. I play Doug Boone, the Bug Bear Artificer, Battlesmith Artificer, to be more precise.
Level 5 in the flesh. Yo.

And, you know, like, over the course of the last couple of days, you know, I have a big stack of books in my pack with me that I like to read sometimes.

And there's one book in there that I've kind of been putting off just because I don't want anyone to see me reading it because it's a little embarrassing.

But it's called Accidentally Popular, How to Make Friends.

And so I've been reading this book about how to make friends now that, you know, I feel like there actually might be a chance that I could be making friends right now with the group.

And I opened the book and started reading it and realized that it had kind of like special abilities in here. It's more than just, you know, basic tips on how to make friends.

And I read on this one thing called uh telepathic abilities.

And so, uh, after studying it for a couple days, I'm now telepathic.

Really? Oh, yeah, I learned it really quick. Yeah, because you know, brain is the most the strongest organ.
That's going to be

quick. What movie am I thinking about now?

Star Wars. Oh, Spider-Man.
Do you know?

I got a little bit more damn dog. I heard the S.
The S was coming through.

I feel like it was a 50-50 chance with any other movie in Star Wars. So

pretty close. And so metagaming.
I now have the telepathic feet. My ability score also increased.
I chose wisdom to increase on that. So I have another wisdom point.
So I have telepathic utterance.

You could speak telepathically to any creature you could see within 60 feet of yourself.

Your telepathic utterances are in a language you know, and the creature understands you only if it knows that language. The creature cannot respond to you telepathically with this feat.

So it's one-way communication. Yes.
I also have with this detect thoughts. You always have detect thoughts prepared.
Once per long rest, you could cast it without a spell slot or spell components.

You could also cast it using spell slots you have of the appropriate level. Your spell casting ability for the spell is the ability increased by this feat.

This is like the first time we've had a telepath on the team, I think. I think so.
I think I've had detect thoughts before, maybe with Bart. Bart.

But yeah, I thought it could come in handy. So is there a range limit on the 60 feet? For telepathic, it's 60 feet, but detect thoughts, it doesn't seem to have a range.
30 feet. 30 feet.
Okay.

Oh, okay. Is that so that over time it upgrades, like it changes, gets more powerful or anything like that? Possible.
It's cool. Yeah, so Detect Thoughts allows you to activate one of two effects.

You can either sense thoughts, so you can sense the presence of thoughts within 30 feet of you that belong to a creature that knows languages or telepathic.

You don't read the thoughts, but you know a thinking creature is there.

Or you can read thoughts and you target a creature you can see within 30 feet or a creature within 30 feet of you that you detect it with sense thoughts.

You learn what is most on the target's mind right now. If the target doesn't know any languages or isn't telepathic, you learn nothing.

The target has to be telepathic for me to be able to detect thoughts. So it's if it doesn't know any languages and isn't telepathic.
So if it knows languages, but it's not telepathic, you're okay.

Okay, okay. The and is doing a lot of junctioning and heavy lifting there.

That's the one thing Barbara couldn't wrap her mind around, but Deliver you. Yeah, you couldn't do that with like an automaton or something.
Is that what it's like differentiating?

I think it's, it would be like if a target doesn't know language and isn't telepathic, it might be like an animal. Gotcha.
Gambot might know language. A frog, a deer.
Sorry, Gunther. A deer.

Something like that.

A plant. Right.

Cool.

Cool. That's all for me.
Spend a lot of time on it. I'm really proud.

It was honestly, you know, partially because I wanted to help my friends out, but also it'd be cool to be able to communicate with Gambot a little better.

Interesting. Because he'd think about it.

What'd the book say about making friends, though? I don't know if I want to tell you because

it said to be open and be a good listener. And always care about what other people are going through.

So is being a good listener encompassed by listen to people's thoughts that they have privately?

I was trying to get around it, Mr. Shah, but

you're all correct. But we're currently we are going through case a lot.

Yes. Very good observation, Gundo.

All right. Thanks, Doug.

I believe we have one person left. Well, technically, we got two because I run with a party, party of the little

perfect demon that I have.

hi everybody john westing here who plays uh natty wonder the level five drow uh warlock pact of the chain specifically i think i might have said the beginning of the campaign but i'll say it again so if people are curious that's why i have gigi

so much has been happening in the world of natty and i'm so glad i get to share with y'all first of all one of the things my mama well both my mamas would say this almost in unison it's kind of creepy but they would say you know natty do you know how you get to fantasy carnegie hall and i'd say how and they say practice practice practice and i have been practicing my craft and uh through that practice i have become an even better performer i know that's shocking i'll wait for your guys's pause to to to deal with that

okay

drink it in i'm even better at it

i can change my visage at will as much as I want now. It's not even just nanny now.

I can turn and look like almost anybody now.

Prove it.

I turn into Sergeant Steele Eye.

Yo, yo, don't look. It'll stress you out.

And on top of that, I can sound like him too. Listen.

Wow.

Ladden post.

I was just waiting for you guys to throw in something.

Yeah, at first I was like, who does Steel Eye?

Oh, wait, that's me.

How can you forget, guys?

Say something sassy, Sergeant Steel Eye. Go on, do it.
Giggy, put that down.

Next time,

this is Steel Eye.

Next time we're at camp, I want you guys to look at my buns because I've been working on them real hard doing squats and stuff. And they're not just for squatting, they're for looking.
So look!

Oh, if he does insist.

So that's going on with me.

I did get also recently another little message from my wife, and she decided that, you know, it is obviously a hard task to be raising Gigi kind of all on my lonesome most of the time.

She's busy with her stuff. I'm busy with my stuff.
This is how we work. But she thought I needed some help.

So she said, you know, she's like, hey, next time you see one of them dead things, you can make it your little helper for a gigi.

And so now I can animate dead. It's pretty cool.
A playmate for Gigi. Yeah, he needs all the help he can get.
He loves Gambot already, but he needs someone.

I need another pair of eyes because I swear that little kid, he gets faster and faster each day. And let me check on something for you.
Gambot also likes Giggy. Oh,

I just detected those sauce.

But I did not use the spell slot.

So, yeah, that is also a big help. And,

oh, Gigi.

Gigi's also uh i've i realized that i've just been neglecting on raising giggy to his full potential teaching all the lessons i could and making sure that he is on his path to becoming the lord of the apocalypse someday because i want him to achieve his dreams okay okay and so giggy is now you guys are going to notice this throughout our little adventures as our little our little party um that i need i'm going to be taking some time to teach giggy lessons and hopefully as i teach him lessons, he'll get stronger or better or, you know, he'll kind of learn something and kind of grow as the little fiend that he is.

That's adorable. That one I will talk about MetaWise.
Micah came up with a function to kind of teach Gigi lessons. What did he call it? He called it.
Life lessons with Gigi. Pedagigic method.

But I think it's pedagogy. So it's pedagogic method.

And it is, I can, once per Long rest, I can try to teach Gigi a lesson. Depending on the difficulty of the lesson, determines the dice roll I have to do with a wisdom check.

If he succeeds, or if I succeed, he learns the lesson and gets a little new thing, could be like temp HP or an ability score modifier, stuff like that.

If I fail, he, I can take another chance at that before the next long rest. So now Gigi is even more of a party member for us.
Wow. Okay.

And for those curious, meta-wise as well, I took took the actor feat.

That increased my charisma modifier, gave me impersonation and mimicry abilities, and I changed my couple of my invocations, which I learned you could do with each level of Warlock.

I got rid of Repelling Blast and instead took Mask of Many Faces, which is disguised self at will, which just means I can use Disguised Self as much as I want, whenever I want.

And then I added Undying Servitude, which lets me cast Animate the Dead once per long rest. Man, you guys guys learned a lot.
Yeah.

Is that like, you know how sometimes there's some people where if they have a long rest, they can change out abilities? Is that that? Or? No, it's each level. I can change my invocation,

which I have three invocations now. I got a new invocation.
And so I changed two of them because we leveled twice. And then...
God, I hope I'm sounding correct on what I'm supposed to be doing.

I looked this up. And then also, when you level up, you can swap out some spells.
And so I swapped out some spells.

And uh just getting rid of ones i was never using and added some a couple that i'm like this might be helpful you don't have to wait for a long rest to teach giggy it's uh one per short rest short rest sorry i was going off of the cuff but yeah so we're gonna be teaching giggy lessons

everyone took a feat yeah i took a feat that also increased my charisma so i kind of got both yeah my my feet came with i guess it's only one point ability score improvement but i was like i'd rather get a feet and like get closer to a potential like increase on that.

My feet came with toenails. I'm going to start calling you guys Quentin Tarantino.
Oh, that's a good one. For free?

We love feet. Guess I want to just want to say, I didn't take lucky.
Huh? Oh. I noticed.
You proud? Interesting. Yeah.

It's some growth. It's for the sake of the audience so that they could have some difference and it's not just Blayton building the same character over and over again.

It was challenging because as a fighter and you having played a fighter, there are a lot of like common

feats. But I was like, man,

I don't want to have the same catchphrases as Kyborg, where it's like, gifted chromatic dragon.

There's only one Kyborg. Oh, we also, I guess, sort of upgraded Gigi to like a 2024 D ⁇ D quasi.
Not much changed, except for his attack is now rend instead of, I think it was bite previously.

It was bite, yeah. Yeah, I think that's about it.
Yeah, and to that point, like we're starting to mix in a little bit of 2024 stuff.

And Lucky is different in 2024 versus, you know, fifth edition, which we were using before. So why do you think I didn't take it? We're beginning that process.

So if you hear some hybrid things or some mishmash, that's why. I also imagine all of our HP increased as well.
Yes. Yes.
Doug did a couple little curls. With the books.

With your books, yeah, exactly. I would love to see Doug reading like that, like a weighted book, and you're like doing curls as you're reading a book.
He's doing two at a time, reading two books.

Oh, that sounds awful. We're trying to read two books.
Anyway, when we last saw B-Team, they were arriving at the stormy shores of Endridge Bay.

While taking a brief breather, the four soldiers received a missive via Raven. A message from none other than Sergeant Steele Eye.

Based on Private Parts' initial assessments, Steele Eye saw fit to promote B-Team to Private First Class, or PFC. And with the promotion, each soldier received 10 gold pieces.

So everyone, you get 10 gold pieces each. Wow!

Yay!

Yay! We are private first class now. Private first class.
So are we like the same as you, but private parts? Uh, affirmative. Cool.
Hey!

Oh, look at us! I give him a salute.

He salutes back.

Affirmative.

It feels weird. I gotta work on that one.

B-Team then ventured into Endrich Bay proper, but were soaked straight away by an incessant storm and hazardous floods that were swamping the streets. It's kind of like Austin the past couple days.

Signage was rare and locals even fewer. But by sheer luck, they stumbled upon a towering building.
A weather-beaten sign swayed violently over the door. The High Three.

The waterlogged tower stands tall and narrow like a lighthouse with at least three flights of stairs. Now, all they have to do is find their contact, Fismum.

But who takes the first step step inside? I'll go step inside. I don't want it to be in the rain.
Gunther steps inside, and as you cross the threshold, a deluge of water pours inside across the floor.

An elderly man yells, Hurry along, ye sturge rats. Get inside and close the door.
Aye aye. The elderly man stands behind a bar, shuffling cards.

He has a chiseled face and wears a pointed hat made of possum fur. A pointed hat made of possum fur.
Yeah. The sign you said it said high three, is that H-I-G-H? Correct.

What happened to the other two? I'm used to high fives myself. Doug, can you do the math on that? Run the numbers.
Go ahead, Doug. Five minus two is three, so that's high three.

That would be a confusion of a high five, but also there's only one guy in here, so you could also be asking where's the other two? Oh,

true. Double egg tantra.

As you walk in, you see that this building has a compact floor plan with multiple stories. It's dimly torchlit with a weathered shiplap architecture.

There's coral stools that slide on the flooded floor, and an elderly human stands behind a bar.

There's a small seafood menu, an ascending spiral staircase, and an iron-banded wooden door to the south, which is the entrance that you are walking in. Could we walk up to the barkeep or whatever?

Okay. Sounds like it's set up for a joke, you know, like a pork, a frog, a bug bear, a mom walking to a bar, you know.
Mom. Tot, dot, dot.
So does everyone walk in? Is that my species?

Is my species mom? Yeah.

the hardest job in the world i'm a level eight mom uh yeah yeah we can walk up yeah i walk in i would go in as well yes and i assume close the door and did you say you walk up to the bar gunther or chris or just walk in i was gonna walk up to him uh yeah he's uh standing behind the bar shuffling some cards hi i'm gunther

what are you After you all walk in and close the door, he seems to not really particularly look in your direction anymore and instead focuses on his cards.

Good to hear, yes.

Did you know of a Vizmum? Aye, you're here for the fighting match, eh? Well, why didn't you say so?

And he pulls the lever behind the bar, which opens up a trapdoor beneath your feet, and you all drop down 30 feet. Good third!

Do we have a chance to? I guess we just fall. Yeah, you fall.

Good talking with you.

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When you reach the bottom, you fall about 30 feet. You stand up and look around.
You're in a torchlit underground. There's a high ceiling that seems to be leaking with water.

There's a sand floor around you. A spiked wooden fence that surrounds a rectangular arena with a crowd sitting on all sides.
There's two egresses.

Appears to be a door to the north and an ascending staircase to the south. Are we in the cage or outside the cage?

You are in the cage. We're in the bad part.
All right, boss, what do we do? Tov looks at Doug because you're the boss still.

Somehow I think it's bad news Bailish to be in this cage, so we should scramble out of here. Here, let me try to help you out of here.
And Doug tries to pick up Gunther first

to try to like help hop him out of the cage. Is there a ceiling? Does the cage have a ceiling? Because how would we have fallen in then?

Risk a call. Yeah, Doug, I'll tell you what, roll me a perception check.
That is a 18. You bend down to start picking your friends up and you look around and you realize that there is a

battle raging all around you.

There appear to be five pirates and a pirate captain all attacking each other. And so far at this moment, it does not seem like they notice you yet.

I'm imagining for some reason when you said like there's a fight going around amongst us.

I'm imagining one of those cages that has the motorcycles driving on the edges of it just going around and around.

So, five pirates and a pirate captain all fighting each other. Are they just a free-for-all brawl? Does it look like? Or does it seem like there's any teams or groupings? That's an excellent question.

I'll answer that, then we'll go ahead and roll initiative. Oh, it appears that there may be sides in this battle, that it's not truly a free-for-all with everyone going at me.

So, why doesn't everyone go ahead and roll me initiative? Fukaduki. I like how this happens as Doug is holding Gunther up.

18. I rolled a 7.
22. 13.
Would it be out of line for me to ask if I recognize any of these pirates? We can definitely deal with that here in a moment. I just got to get these initiatives in order.

Okay, I'll wait. It reminds me of home.
You know.

I rolled three 12s for initiative. How weird.
Three 12s? Wow. Out of six, right? Out of five.
I thought I said there was five pirates and a captain. Oh, you're right.

If we gotta roll for the captain then. Thank you.
You get an extra enemy. Oh, there you go.

I was like, my master hovering over the heroic inspiration. I was like, oh.

And then it hovered back over to the damage to enter in a number.

You get it. Extra enemy.

Private Parts is here with us too, right? Yes.

He rolled a three, so you got plenty of time before he does anything. Great.

Okay, Tolf, you rolled a 22 and you were asking if you recognize any of the faction what what was your question pirates if i recognize specifically any of the pirates or like do i just recognize this place you know just any of it it's all very nautical and i'm a bit of a seaman myself you know Don't laugh.

Chris, you curl that lip back and you stop giggling. It's a perfectly normal word.
I'll tell you what, Tolf, why don't you roll me a history check and see how good that brain of yours is working?

Ooh, okay. How good that brain of yours is working.
Ooh, a minus one nine.

God poop. It's not worth my inspiration die, is it? Nah.

You tell me. Well, I'm trying to outrun my history, so maybe it's okay if I mess this one up.

All right.

Now, something, maybe you got a little bit of sand in your eye and you're kind of focused on thinking about your new abilities. Nothing really stands out to you.

You can tell they are beings of the sea and they spend time on ships and they're actively engaged in combat at the moment, but nothing really specific beyond that. I'm sorry to drag it out further.

Can I recognize like what species they are or any of that stuff? Yeah, sure. Why not? Any moms?

Any moms? High-level moms? You can tell because they're the ones working the hardest.

It just appears to be a mishmash of various humanoids. Human, elf, dwarf, just humanoids.
I'll leave it at that. Okay, cool.

But anyway, told, the reason I, uh, one of the reasons I addressed your question so quickly is you are at the top of the initiative order order with a 22.

You know, rules of engagement, none of them have attacked us yet. So, um, hey gang, I'm gonna go the peaceful route.
We're gonna see how this goes.

I take some movement towards the group of pirates and I say, guys,

whoa, whoa, what are we fighting here overall? What's going on? Let's let's cool our jets. Am I right? Oh, okay.
I don't know if they know what jets are.

Jets haven't been invented, have they?

Let's cool our rudders, am I right?

There you go.

Probably not. That would be.
Uh, why don't you make me a let's think, let's call it a persuasion check, Toll. Okay, you know, I'm good on persuasion.
Ooh, looky there. A four.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna actually use my inspo on that one. I think it's worth it.
Because I failed that so badly, I feel like they would just turn and attack me all five of them at once.

All right, here you go. That's more like it.
15. Hooku.

Okay. Let me roll just a quick opposing check here.
See if they listen to you. And I rolled two.

Oh, yeah, the clamor amongst the pirates in here begins to kind of die down, and they all turn and look at you.

They're still very much on guard, making sure that no one's gonna get a quick attack in on them. But they do turn and look at you.
And as they look at you, you begin to hear booing from all around.

Boo!

Boo!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! This is a junior high? We're in some sort of fight club gang.

Shh, don't talk about it. Oh, hmm.
First rule, of course.

What are we fighting for? You know what? What the heck? Let's give the people what they want. I'm gonna crush the closest guy with my

hammer. You know? Oh, my God.

All right, fine. I'm gonna give you advantage on this since you tricked them into putting their guard down with you for a moment.
So go ahead and make a taster plan.

okay um i'm gonna do one-handed just don't kill the mom because i have a shield that's uh oh baby that's a nat 20.

wow job open salvo and i'm gonna do my attack and that's with the

who are you attacking just the closest dude so uh one of the sailors not the captain yeah i was gonna roll to uh to pick one at random great that's fine since he didn't specify at this point it honestly doesn't matter and tol doesn't doesn't recognize rank.

He only recognizes strength.

Love it. I love how you're like, why are we fighting each other? Beat.
Smashed.

I get angry when people don't listen to my questions. It's the surrounding, it's the environment.
It reminds me of my olden days on the Psy C's. Did you rage? That's a bonus action, right? Yeah.
Yeah.

Can I do that before?

I seem to remember you saying you raged. I'm not sure if it's just me.

I'm pretty sure you did.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure I did. By the way, I rolled a D6 since there's six enemies and rolled a four.
So what I decided to do is go down the initiative order that they rolled in.

And the fourth person in the initiative order on their side is the pirate captain. Yep.
So

you got the captain. Okay.
Well, that's what they say. When you get in prison, find the biggest guy and give him a good old clocking.
Naddy, I have to ask how you know this information.

Where have you been, Naddy? I've lived a long and full life. We need to talk about that later.
I'm very curious. Also, she's a mom.
Mom knows a lot.

Mom knows everything. Yeah, I won't lie.
Giggy's been to the clink.

We know.

How much damage was that, told? It says a 14. It was 2d8 plus 4, but I know that one of those is maximum because there's a crit.
Yeah, so we'll go ahead and change that to us 14.

So it's actually 18 points of damage. Woo! plus your rage oh yeah plus two melee damage with strength weapons so let's call that a 20.

20 points of damage the account yeah the council of barbarians coming in uh hot today

i think it's you forgot your rage

council woman gum gum council woman elga any thoughts sorry i'm on the toilet right now i forgot to be called the fun i'm so sorry councilwoman elga please return to your business

it's like yesterday i was getting ready for a shower. I had disrobed everything.
I was about to turn the water on and I heard a knock on the door. Oh, no.

And

normally I would just let it go. You know, like they just leave it, but I knew I was getting deliver some.
I had to sign. So I threw on clothes and a hat faster than I have in my entire life.

So I was like, you know, like when you're like, don't leave, don't leave. I want a thing.
I want the thing.

I rushed over there. Just with pants and a shirt.

I threw on shorts, a shirt, and a hat, and I just went, signed it and got it. You start start making as much noise as you can inside so they know that you're coming to the door.

Throw something at the door.

Throw something at the door. I knew I had some time because usually they have to write their little note, you know? So I was like, all right.
Yeah, I mean, devastating 20-point attack by Tollv.

Devastating 20-point sneak attack by a barbarian by Tov on the pirate captain. Fake out.

You know, I'm an interesting dude. What can I say? How does he look after that?

That was significant. The pirate captain is still looking like

he has fight in him, but you definitely took a little bit of it out. Let's find out how much fight he really has in him.
I do my second attack. Here we go.
I forgot we got these second attacks now.

We have fun here. I'm going to do another with the Warhammer.

Recklessly. That's a...
Oh my god. I rolled a 19 plus 7.
26! You're going to say another 20. Let me double check.
Yeah, that hits.

Okay, so Chris, to address that, I don't super like attacking recklessly because I don't want the thing to be back on me what is it the the advantage or whatever than the advantage on you yeah yeah uh 26 26 hits yeah is that hit yeah yeah okay i double checked i'll triple check yeah it hits i'm doing that fun thing that you do where you know it hits but i'm like

that's a 50 billion is that hit plane all right rolling damage oh come on roll to one

plus five plus the additional two so that would be seven seven points of damage not quite as big maybe this this time the captain knows your moves and is able to absorb the blow a little bit and he smiles as he takes that hit from your warhammer toll and says erg rage in the cage this is what the people want cool i'm liking this

anything else from you uh there told uh nope i'm good uh all right great uh round by told there natty you're up after natty we got a couple pirates a lot of pirates and then doug all right natty turns to gigi and this isn't actually i'm not gonna like roll my thing for the thing, but she turns to Gigi and she goes, All right, today's lessons are all going to be about how to win a cage fight.

It's very important for everyone to learn how to do this. You never know when it comes up, okay? Natty surveys the pirates with Tov next to the captain.
Arden.

What's the gathering of them? Is it like a big old scrum of them all together? Are there a couple of pockets of fights happening between people? What's the spread? Paint me a picture, Gustavo.

We'll say it's it's 1v1 and 2v2

okay and then is toll the 1v1 or tolv is that that's just them toll is by one of the two v2s by the two v2 okay then

yeah why not let's you let's let's do something new for funsies is the 1v1 further than 15 feet from tolv i'm gonna guess no let me double check no oh wow they're really so they really are all scrummed together.

They were all kind of scrummed up. Despite the fact the cage is pretty big, they were all kind of scrummed up together.
Okay.

Well, I don't want to do what I was going to do because it would hurt my good friend Tov. I'll tell you what.
That's Yes And this. Yeah, it's uh they're they're more than 15 feet away

Because I could have done an Eldritch Blast. You know I love to pull that trigger.
They're definitely more than 15 feet away. Natty turns to Giggy one more time and goes, All right, first lesson.

Mommy's gonna show you a little piece of where other mommy comes from, okay?

Natty Cass Moat of Hell.

Okay.

Jeez. What a name.
And that is the best name for her spell ever. Can you guess why my eye was drawn to that spell when I was looking through the spell book? You mean the person who's married to death?

Yeah, is fantastic. It sounds like a WMD, but fantasy version.
The description is also just choice. You manifest a pocket of hell.

A 15-foot radius sphere of darkness, brimstone, and blasting heat appears on centered on a point within range and lasting for the duration.

The cloud of hellfire echoes with the cries of damned souls that can be heard by creatures within 30 feet of it.

No light, even magical light, can illuminate the cloud and any creature fully within that area are blinded. Cheery.
What is this? I haven't even heard of this. I've never heard of this either.

Wait, did you create darkness?

It mimics darkness, so the guys that are in it are now blinded, because light can't escape it. Doesn't end there.
By the way, this is a third level spell slot, so I'm burning a big thing.

The cloud warps the timescape, making the clouds area difficult to rain. A creature who starts their turn in that area takes 3d6 fire damage.
There is no check.

A creature who ends their turn in that area must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or take 3d6 psychic damage as the voices of the damned crowd of their mind. Wow.

I get the feeling that Maddie's about to throw mankind off the top of the cage through an announcer's table. Yeah.
Is mankind a wrestler? It's like a copy, paste a copy, pasta meme. Okay.

Someone will will get it someone listening to this podcast laughed at that i wasn't allowed to watch wrestling because it's too violent when i was young and now i don't care about it uh 3d6 although i wish i did people who seem to like wrestling really like it they're really into it uh 336 12 fire damage okay and this is on the 1v1 both of those ombres yeah all right they will take that fire damage at the start of their turn okay yeah and then so they're blinded and it's on difficult terrain and then can gigi go yeah i'm just making a note here that they're blinded they're blinded so if someone else enters that 15 foot radius are they also blinded like it is you are just looking at a 15 foot sphere of just hell and that's all you can see if they leave it can they see when they leave it they yeah it's it's that specifically light can't enter or escape it's like a black hole gotcha and then uh giggy go help uncle tov oh and

can giggy traverse to tov and attack the captain Yeah, if Gigi makes the appropriate role. God, I was hoping Gus would forget that.
He just attacks Toll. It's my favorite part of Gigi.

Because normally, and just to clarify, because I think some people have talked about this in the comments.

Normally, I think with this kind of character that John's playing, either John gets to go or Giggy gets to go.

But we're kind of bending the rules a little bit just because I like the chaos that Gigi brings.

I don't want to penalize John in case the roles don't go our, you know, his way, but because I want to kind of encourage Gigi getting in there and causing some chaos.

So we do allow Giggy and Natty both to go. He also can't do much.
Yeah. He ain't gonna do nothing.
I roll a one.

So what's he gonna do, Gus? He's gonna do something.

He's gonna help Uncle Tov, all right. Oh, no.

Like a low roll would have been okay. A one, he's gotta go after Toll.
Now he's gotta, he's gotta misunderstand the assignment with a one. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay. Love your familiar.

Wow, he's nice.

Giggy runs up, and

I'm going to roll a dice to decide between these two options, okay? Hold on, hold on. Before you roll that die, I have something I want to clarify from an earlier episode now.

Does Giggy still have that axe?

What's he doing? What are we doing here?

He does. He does because I want him to still have that axe.
Right. Okay, then he's going to use the axe.

But again, going off of precedent, he attacks with disadvantage with that axe because it's too big for him. All right.
He has a plus five to attack, and I rolled two bad rolls, so you're good.

I rolled a five and a three. Oh, thank God.
So that's ten and eight.

So let's say, like, Giggy kind of runs up to Tov and begins doing that thing again where it's like a hammer throw in the Olympics, where he starts spinning around on the crazy devil is what he is.

Yeah, getting the axe up off the ground and tries to swing it at Tollv's ankle, but uh just misses entirely.

And uh, I like to picture he like kind of fall Giggy falls down on his little butt and just sitting there with the axe. That's okay, a little like squeaky sound effect when that happens.
Yeah,

Giggy, has Uncle Tov ever told you the the story of Hoofer from campaign two?

Giggy just smiles and looks for acknowledgement of his good deed.

So good. Is that it for you? That's it for you, Natty, and Kiki.
All right. Wait, before your turn-ins, Toll says, two moms enter, one mom leaves.

Oh, love it. And I was wrong, Doug.
Only one pirate goes before you. The rest of them are after you.
I forgot. You rolled a 13.
They rolled 12s.

But one of them goes now, but it's one of them that is blinded, currently in the moat of hell. And they take that fire damage now.

So they can still move even though they're blinded, right? And so they can try to... Difficult terrain.
That's it.

So if it's difficult terrain and it's a 15-foot radius on the moat, so they could, at worst case scenario, exit the moat, but that uses all of their movement. If that's their movement speed, yeah.

Yeah. So the movement would be 30.
Difficult terrain would half it. So they would have 15 movement, which is the radius.
So they would, even if they were in the middle, they'd be able to get out.

So I'll say this one stumbles out from the mode of hell, looking a little pale, maybe horrified by the things it experienced inside of there, and says,

let's not be doing that again.

That's just traumatizing.

I be rethinking my lot in life and decisions.

Need to send a parent to my therapist. I'm going to be doing some community service.

Balance the karmic scales.

What will it do? So it comes out. It's used all of its movement.
It's going to throw a dagger. Yeah.
It'll throw a dagger at Tov, because Tolv was really duplicitous.

Had everyone put their guard down and then attack the captain. That's true.
Yeah, so it's going to toss a dagger at... Toll.

This is with a plus five.

Seven. I assume that's a miss.
I'm sorry, little guy. That's a miss, but better luck next time.

He doesn't like the fact you're taunting him. I'm not taunting.
I'm genuinely sorry.

I've been in a fight before and missed my throw or what have you.

And he raises an eyebrow at you, Tolv. You want to take another attack? Would that make you feel better? You just saw some nasty stuff.
Make me a wisdom saving throw. Okay.

Wisdom saving throw. That's an eight.
There's something about that, uh, that charismatic raised eyebrow that just kind of tickles you the right way, Toll.

Can Toll be charmed?

I don't see any resistances against it. There's this thing called magical sleep that I have resistance to.

Yeah,

maybe this pirate's not so bad after all. Maybe

you've been approaching this combat wrong the whole time. Can you describe him to me, what he looks like, any features of this pirate that stand out? Yeah.

I mean, if you're going to be attracted to him, you know, you want to know what he looks like. Yeah.

Got an eye patch, missing the left canine teeth. Great.
That's enough for me. Hey, guys, I think we need to let Patchy join in, huh? I mean, come on, look at him.
That's a trustworthy guy.

You're like, when I stare into his eye, I just...

So, when you are charmed, you cannot attack the charmer or target the charmer with any damaging abilities or magical effects.

And the charmer has advantage on any ability check to interact with you socially.

So, you can still attack the other ones, just this one you cannot. I marked down charmed as a condition.
But only against that one pirate right

this captain's gotta die unfortunately doug you are up then a couple of pirates then gunther okay i think uh doug could tell that we are outnumbered he did the math of course uh he is going to get his steel defender out here okay

Gambot, it is your time to shine and shine because you are made of metal and you are reflective.

So yeah, did you just, I guess in your downtime, maybe you gave Gambot a little polish? Of course, yes. Does the crowd go wild for Gambot? The crowd goes mild.

You hear cheering. Yay!

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

So he brings out a steel defender. So I think, does he then act after me? Same initiative as you, but just right after you.
Okay. So then that means it would be his turn to go now? That was my action.

We'll call it for now your bonus action to pull out Gambot. I love it.
Let's have fun. So generous.

So I think because also Doug sees everyone fighting with all these weapons, he also wants in on the action. So he's going to use his crossbow and shoot at the pirate that just charmed Tolv.

Okay, so this is the one that just stepped out from that mode of hell. Yeah.
Maybe if I shoot my crossbow at you, you'll get flown back into the mode of hell, huh?

I'm practicing my intimidation. I haven't done that in a while.
You're doing great.

You're killing it.

18.

That hits. Oh, yes.
Nice. Doing six points of piercing damage.
Yeah, this pirate is still up, but it's looking a little worse for wear.

I like to think Doug pulls out his crossbow and it's like that gift from Spy Kids where it's like the little targeting glass comes down in front of the eye and

like glasses all the way down. And you like steady the crossbow on your other arm and fire it.

Gus, you know exactly what I'm picturing as well. Absolutely.
I think any weapon he uses has to be some type of like very precise mechanical feature to it.

And I do have an extra attack. Ah, okay.

I could attack twice rather than once whenever you take the attack action on my turn. Oh, that's cool.
Which I didn't know I had until recently. Was that new? I think it might be.

That's a 24 on the next hit.

Believe it or not, that's a hit. Oh, wow.
Doing

nine points of piercing damage on that one. Nice.
Yeah, this one's kind of stumbling around, but is still standing. Only I'm allowed to charm my friends

by reading their thoughts.

Yeah, that pirate is very bloodied and definitely staggering around in place.

And I know that you're already very generous with letting the defender be a bonus action, but could I also tell if I recognize any of these pirates?

I'm going to give you an option here, Barbara, the player. You can either make a history check or a perception check.
Why don't you tell me which you would prefer? I'm going to do a history.

Do you have a higher modifier for Miss History? History. Nice.
15. That's not bad.
Come on, guys.

You don't necessarily recognize any of the specific pirates, but you do recognize some of the outfits that they're wearing as being different factions in the area that you've read about this in your downtime when you were preparing to come to Endridge Bay.

And you believe that these pirates are part of that. There are three different factions that you're looking at here in the cage match.
Could I remember the names of those factions? Yeah.

One of them is the Council of Conservation. It was not so bad.
The other one is the Rabble. The Rabble.
I like that. Okay.
And the last one is Troop Troop.

These all sound like names you came up with right now.

They are definitely not.

They are very well thought out names by.

I'm just kidding. I just heard Mike's head slam into his keyboard.
He sat all night on that.

He's dark rings on his eyes. Troop Coop.
No, that can't be it. Troop.

Troop Coop.

The Coop Troop. Out of the different ones, what are the colors, I guess, if there are different colors or anything associated with them?

It's not necessarily colors, it's more like symbols that they use. Okay.
The Council of Conservation, their symbol is two prayerful hands cupping paw prints. I like these guys.

Rabble's symbol is four faces of differing emotions. And Troop Troop is a pirate flag with black ballet slippers.
Whoa. Oh.

How do you even choose? They're all such great options. I'll take one of each, please.

That's it for Doug. But then...
Gambot's up. Gambot's turn.

We need to create a theme song for Gambot that's like a kid's cartoon.

Gamb, gam, gamb, gam, gambot, gam, gam, gamb, gam, gam, gambot, got, gam, gam, gam, gun. It's got to be like a chiptune style song that's like absolute bit sounds.
Yeah. Yeah.

Micah, if you feel inspired.

That's a freebie, Micah. There you go.
More work for you.

I am going to have him do a force-empowered rend on

who's the pirate closest to him. If I summoned him kind of like in between me and Colts, y'all should finish off that dude who's tatering.
I'll say it's that one.

The one that you hit with your crossbow. The captain? Nope.
No, it's not the captain. Patchy.
Patchy. Patchy.
It's Patchy. The guy that's charmed me.

Okay, he will hit him. What does Tolt think about that?

I love Cambot, but I love Patchy. This is

tough. 25.

Oh, that's a hit. So long, Patchy.

Four points of force damage. That's enough.
I think that Gambot does like a pneumatic uppercut with his head

on the chin of this pirate, and it knocks him like kind of cartoonish, like off his feet backwards.

Both his shoes fly off of his feet, and his body flies back into the mode of hell, and he disappears forever.

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Gambot. I like to think that after he does that, Gambot just turns his head, like, almost in approval towards Doug.
Like,

but he has no thumbs, so he can't put his thumbs up. Geeky's holding his axe over his head, going, yeah!

Has charm been lifted? Yeah, you are no longer charmed by Patchy, because Patchy is no longer here. Now he's charmed by me.
There it is.

I switched my charm willingly. Sorry, I forgot to ask what faction was Patchy.
Please not Council of Conservation. Please not Council of Conservation.
Patchy was Council of Conservation.

Come on, Patchy. Is that it for you, Doug? That is it.
Okay, I got a couple of pirates here. Then after them is going to be Gunther.
The first one up is the other one that was in Mode of Hell.

So this one comes stumbling out and

sees Gambot. Well, Gambot would be right by before it comes out.
Toll is a little further away. Toll's a liar, but Gambot is closer.
It's going to try to stab at Gambot with its dagger. Good luck.

You called me a liar?

I heard that too.

You were a liar. You said, hey, let's not fight.
And then you immediately attack.

You already forgot that.

That was good. That was a good one.
This pirate quickly takes two stabs at Gambot with its daggers. How far away is Gambot from Tolv? Was it 15 feet or was it closer? I think it was closer.

Well, I know that Natty put the moat of hell, whatever that metal name was, 15 feet away from me. Yeah.

But I don't know that that necessarily means that the exit is 15 feet from Tolv or if I'm on the edge of it. Oh, I see.
Yeah, it's probably kind of close to you.

He wants to know if his sentinel is getting procced. Yeah, let's be real.
I just want to kill another guy, you know. Sure, why not?

So then the pirate attacks first, makes its attack, and then you react. Yes.
Is how I read that. Okay.
I think I only hit one time. I got an 11 and a 24 on Gambot.
I don't know what Gambot's AC is.

Oh, it's a 15. Yeah, so that hit me.
Okay. Yeah, the 11 misses, but the 24 hits.
Doing

1d4 plus 3 piercing damage.

How dare you? So Gambot takes six points of piercing damage from the dagger.

Oh, Gambot, this is a family show.

But Tolv,

that does not sit well with you. You do not touch that beautiful machine.
I'm going to take an opportunity attack. Attack of opportunity.
There you go.

I like opportunity attack. I'm a little hungry.

I'd go for some opportunities for the table.

Blue and onion. Is that just a normal attack? Just like, just okay.
All right. Well, I'm going to hit him with my war hammer then.

19. Yeah, that hits.
And then just to clarify for future, opportunity attack is always melee, but but you're using your war hammer.

And they have to be within five feet of you for this, so it kind of makes sense. But just to clarify, attacks are opportunity or melee.
Is there any other kind of attack other than melee?

I mean, let's be real, you know, tolls represent. Okay, we're gonna roll damage.
Natty just points at the living embodiment of hell that's like five feet from you.

Yeah, points. The floor recognizes Natty Wander.

That's a seven plus the two because I'm raging, so nine.

Nine. This pirate is pretty bloody between the moat and now your attack.
It's seen better days, but still standing. Still fine.
You leave my little mechanized friend alone.

Okay, that's it for that one. Then it is one of the other pirates that it was in a 2v2.
So this is the one that was on the captain's side.

You hurt the captain, so this one's going to attack you, Toll. Bring it.
Gonna do two dagger attacks. Cute.

One hits 20, the other's a crit. I assume they both hit.
You'd assume correctly.

Okay, we'll do the non-crit first. Okay.
I don't know if I'm allowed to do this. Gambot has a reaction called deflect attack,

where the defender imposes disadvantage on the attack roll of one creature it could see within five feet, provided the attack roll is against a creature other than the defender.

Polvin Gambot, best friends forever.

They're basically like, no, get away from him, get away from him. The disparity between Gambot and Gigi.
Gus's shoulders just dropped. I just saw that happen.
Okay, I'm going to assume.

You got to figure out which one to put disadvantage on. I'm going to assume that, since we're doing this kind of, since I rolled both attacks at the same time, that you're going to choose the

one that critted. Yes.
Okay.

We'll re-roll that one in a second. But first, I rolled damage for the non-crit, which was seven points of piercing damage.
But you're raging, so you take half.

So that's three points of piercing damage. Owie.
And now I will roll for the disadvantage roll here for the other attack. So it's a 20 and a 22.
I was going to say a 25 and a 22.

So it still hits, but it's not a crit. It's not a crit.
Gambot, you're my bro. I love you, dude.
Way to go.

Oh,

back back to you. The mouth on that robot.
What have you been teaching him, Doug?

English.

Dot.

So since it's not a crit, you just take five points of piercing damage, but since you're raging, you just take two points. Cool.
This is fun. Combat's fun.
Level five combat, guys.

Are you guys enjoying this?

So it is the captain's turn. About to eat my words.
The pirates all have daggers, except for the captain, who instead is attacking with a rapier. I thought you were going to say he had a gun.

Well, you don't know this yet, but the captain also does have a gun. I was going to say pirates have guns.
Pirates have, like, you know, they're basically gun-toting individuals. Flintlock pistols.

So the captain is going to attack with a rapier against you, Tolf. This is a plus seven.

That's it. I'm so perched on your head.

That is a 19, which is a hit. Yeah, that meets, are ye reap what ye sow, sailor.
Cause we be farming pirates or something. What?

Pirates are so known for their agricultural skills.

That reference probably wouldn't fly with them, but whatever. 15 points of piercing damage, but you're raging, so you take seven.
Okay. Then you made this captain very angry.

So they attack again with the rapier. Hitting AC 25.
Yes.

Doing 12 points of piercing damage, but you take half, so you take six. Okay.
Micah says, reap what you stow, which is probably better. That's that probably makes sense for them.
That's good.

All right, that's two attacks for the pirate captain. So he pulls out his pistol and fires it at you point-blank range right in your face.
My God. This guy's really getting revenge.

Hitting AC-23. Man, those are some good rolls I got today.
Oh, they are. Ooh, this might do a lot of damage.
Oh, I rolled two once.

Woo!

Six points of piercing damage, but you're raging, so you take 30. Cool gun.
I saved the gun for last to have it be like the, oh no, and it two once awesome.

Yeah, that's what I used to do with kyborg, but mine would normally hit and cause a lot of damage, but it was cool, you know, it was still cool. I tried.

The pistol fires and it's a lot of smoke, but there is no not much damage.

The smoke parts, revealing a smiling toll of I cannot wait until my next turn, captain.

Great, great, great, great. So that was the captain.
So now it's one of the other pirates from the 2v2.

And this pirate looks at the situation and takes their chance and decides to attack the pirate captain while the pirate captain is distracted. Hiarg! And only hits once.
Hiyarg.

With its dagger, doing five points of piercing damage on the captain. The captain looks angrily at the other pirate, but focuses its attention back at Tollf.
And Gunther, it's your turn.

After Gunther's private parts and then the final pirate, then we go back up to the top to Toll. Okay.
Gunther's been watching from above Doug.

Yells out, Fizmom, and sees if any of the pirates turn to look. I didn't even think about that.
Make a perception check for me,

Gunther. Aladdin? No, no one seems to turn and look in your direction.

Okay, well, I want to jump to the... Where's the pirate captain? The pirate captain is...
We'll call it like 15 feet away or so.

Okay, from atop Doug, are there many people in the way between me and the captain? No enemies, if that's what you're looking at. Well then, yeah.
Gunther wants to jump and make his way to the captain.

Pulls out his sword. Do you know where Fizmum is? You're asking the captain.
The captain. The captain looks at you quizzically and says, uh, who?

Okay. Wait, no.

Get out, Arg, and brandishes a rapier in your direction. Alright, from that, can I roll and see if I think he actually is telling the truth? Sure.
Vibe check. That's 12.

You don't sense that the captain is hiding anything or being deceitful. Okay.
Then I'm going to attack him. Alright.
Careful, he's got a gun.

So I'm going to attack with my rapier. Yeah.

Oh. This is like a princess bride sword fight.
That's a 16.

That does not hit. Oh my name.

Okay.

Dang. Do you have inspiration? I do.

Okay. I'll do that.
I'll use my inspiration die just because I want to do something. All right.
I'm going to re-roll. Come on, Gunther.
Hey, that's a 20.

Yeah.

Yeah, that hits. Okay.

But the captain executes a riposte knocks your blade aside and instead lunges forward with his own blade, attacking you, Gunther. Wait, wait, wait.
I didn't even get to

the smile on Gus's face says so much. Well, then, okay.
Does he hit me? Hitting AC20. All right, well, I repost him.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

We got a short fight!

So,

I do my own repost. When a creature missed...
Oh, he missed. Did he? Wait, what did he hit? He missed? He hit.
He hit AC-20. But I hit him.
Did I use my deflect attack again from Gambit?

That's a reaction so you only get one per turn.

Wait, so, wait, but I hit him on that attack, right? His reaction is when he's hit by a melee attack roll. Whoa.
He gets to repost. Okay, and he hits me.
Yeah, AC-20. Dang.

I was very happy, John. You're right.
I've been waiting for someone to

hear. You need need to have some wins too, okay?

Thank you. All right, so he hits me and does what? 15 points of piercing damage.

It's like one of those old pirate films, you know, that's like all the real swashbuckling.

That's cool. Like Muppet Treasury Island.
Exactly. That's exactly what I was thinking of.
Your Kermit. It's actually at this point, I think, an old movie, if like we really want to talk about it.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

Like over 20 years old. I was thinking like Errol Flynn kind of stuff.
Yeah, no, no. I think Muppet Treasure Island might be like 20, 30 years old.
Wow.

And then I'm going to attack with my second attack with him. Okay.
Come on. 23.
Oh! Okay, yeah, that hits. That hits? Okay.
Yeah. I'm going to roll damage.
That's 12.

And I also want to do a menacing attack. Okay.

When you hit with a weapon attack, you can spend one superiority die to add the total to the damage roll, and the target must make a wisdom saving throw of DC16 on a failure.

He's frightened of me until the next turn. Okay.
Well, I'm going to write the 12 damage down for now.

Then you're going to roll your superiority die? That's a seven. So that's another seven points of damage? Another seven points of damage, and they have to make it DC-16.

And Gunther goes, sneaky, sticky, but I'm sneakier.

I have a plus five on wisdom saving throw, so I need an 11 or better. I rolled a six, so failure.
And then he goes, boo.

The captain seems to lose their nerve a little bit. And then I want to action surge.
Oh,

Is there like a cool Gunther way of saying this? Uh-huh.

Action surge. Oh, God.

I think Mode of Hell just hit us.

He just rolled over to the battlefield. So then I'm going to take another attack.

That's going to be a 24. All right.
That hits. For a 14 damage.

All right. And how's he looking? Very bloodied, but still standing.
I'll bug one more. And then I'll tackle.
No, please.

That's a 27.

That is.

With a try-cool wit like that, you could be an action movie star.

I rolled a three plus seven. I'm going to re-roll that dice for the three.
See if I can get higher.

What's that? Yeah. It's the piercer feat that I just got, where once per turn, I can re-roll a damage die.
Ah, gotcha. Because you wanted to re-roll, Gus.
Yeah, because it won't continue to scroll.

So I re-rolled it. Now it's an eight, so it's another 15 damage.
Yeah, you pierce the captain right in the heart, and you see see him fall limp to the sandy floor. Cool.

You should have said you knew him.

Does anyone else know Fizbub?

Everyone's like, oh, me, me, me.

That's it. That's my turn.
All right, that's it for Gunther's turn. Private parts.
Doug, you feel a tapping on your shoulder. Hello? Well, I guess not on your shoulder.

Maybe like your waist or something. A little lower.
Doug's, I forget how tall Doug is. Like a tugging on his tunic.
Doug turns around.

You turn around, and Private parts is standing there and says, Hi, Doug. Quick question.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate the progress of this battle so far?

Well, the post for this battle, let's see.

Pretty good, actually. You know, like, I think we'll make a pretty good progress here.
I would say 6.82. 6.82.

And if you were thinking of B-Team, how would you rank them from best contribution to worst contribution? Only for this battle, speaking about what we're experiencing right now, of course.

Only for this battle, and they can't heal me, right? No, this is for private confidential record keeping. Excellent.
Okay, none of my teammates could heal me, right?

Natty's standing next to Doug. Can I hear?

Are we actually taking him off? Take him off. I'll give you a thumbs up.
All right. So I would say, Natty, probably number one.
That I think that moat was very, very helpful.

Part this writing down.

And then the toll, man, he did some really great damage. So I say number two.

I put Doug at a conservative number three. Yeah.

You know, want to do some good damage there to help check out the pirate there. And Steel Defender really helpful.
And, you know, Steel Defender is part of me. So.

That's a really good point, actually. I had thought of that.
If anything, maybe he gets 3.5.

And then, unfortunately, Gundel, I think, would be fourth place. But I think he has a chance to really step it up.
Of course, we all have a chance to improve.

Thank you very much for taking part in this survey. And private parts, number five.
Understood.

As you have not really done much yet other than take notes, which, you know, it could be helpful in some cases. I think note-taking is really important.
I'm an observer. I'm gonna let her back up.

I actually muted you. I muted you on my GoXLR, so I'm truly not tasting you.
I could just hear.

And Barbara, roll me a D6. You're making me do so much work today.
Well, you're the team leader. Six.
Really?

Okay. It's a number on a D6.
Yes,

I was expecting one, two, five. I was not expecting a six.
Thank you, John, for having faith.

Let me just check mine real quick. Yes, there's a six on mine.

It probably just proved that I ranked our team perfectly. Oh, cool.
Hopefully, you factored in me and Gambot's little friendship, you know. Maybe that was a factor.
Oh, it definitely was a facto.

Private parts hands you something. He says, Here, I found this half buried in the sand.
I figured you might need it. Doug takes whatever this is from Private Parts and looks at it.

It's a snake-like pirate hook crafted from some kind of unusual green threading.

Do I know what it does or what it is? No, but you think you could use it as some kind of weapon to like hook into nearby enemies. So you said green snake skin.

A snake-like pirate hook crafted from unusual green threading. Okay.
Threading? Threading. A thread.
So it's like not hard? A little both. Is it like the hook shot from Zelda? Kind of.
I guess, yeah.

Hook onto nearby enemies. Oh, that's cool.
Get over here.

That could be your new thing.

You can own that now, Doug. Word for word.

Okay.

And that's it for private parts. And it is the last pirate in the 2v2 who has not gone.
This one is also going to attack the captain, like its friend did.

Now that the captain's back is turned and it's focusing on told,

and both attacks miss. One of them's a one.
So I'm going to say this pirate gets sand in its eye and can't see very well. Yar me eyes.
What faction was he from? This one is from part of the rabble.

The rabble are not a threat. God,

we're marking that down.

Okay, that's it. We're back up to the top, which means it's Toll and then Maddie and then a pirate.
Ooh, baby, it's 12 o'clock.

That's good. Because the captain is dead, and this probably creates a new point in the fight.
I'm going to once again address the crowd. Okay, everybody, the captain's dead.

And unless you guys want to lose another dude, you guys like, want to call it, call it Quitsies here? How's everybody feeling on the battlefield, huh? I think we're in a fat cage.

I don't think we get to decide when the fight's over.

How does the crowd feel?

Make a persuasion check. Okay.

That is a

17. Oh.

Yeah, the crowd seems to kind of quiet down a bit and look at each other and murmur.

It seems like half of them begin cheering and half of them begin yelling angrily and they begin exchanging money with each other.

But then one of them isn't paying attention to them at all and locks eyes with you, Toll, and from the stands yells, what's the finisher?

Hammer time!

And then I attack the nearest pirate to me, I guess. I'm gonna go for the guy that just tried to attack me.
Okay. Do a combo with Gigi.
What does that mean? I don't know. Do something cool.

You gotta do something cool for your finisher. It's your fatality.
We just throw the giggy. Oh, I know what I'm gonna do.
It's a make-believe game we're playing. That's what I'm saying.

Weave a vibrant tapestry of violence and fun. Well, I want to have my turn.
I don't want your other character.

I wasn't telling you to do something giggy. I was just like, do a fatality.
Do something cool. Grab a chair.
I got something. I got something.
I'm prepared for this.

So I'm going to attack initially with the Warhammer. I'm going to hit the guy that's that attacked me.
Okay, got it. So that is a 22.

Ooh, that hits. All right.

And I'm going to do my bludging damage. That's a seven plus the two because I'm raging.
So nine. Okay.
Yeah, the pirate takes a body blow from the warhammer, but still snarls at you angrily.

Oh, you're going to snarl. Well, how about she eat some of this? And then I'm going to use the storm aura as a bonus action.

I gain a 10-foot aura effect when you start your rage, and as a bonus action on each of your turns, when activated one creature of your choice, and your aura takes lightning damage based on your level so it would be a 1d6 if i pass okay

so i think he has to pass a dex dc 14. dex is oh plus five so i need a nine or better

oh it was on a six and then it rolled over to a 14 so that's a a 19. Okay, I'm going to roll my d6 and then I'm going to cut that number in half.
That is a four. So he got two lightning damage.

He's still standing though, right? Yeah, he's like, he's like that cartoonish thing now where like his clothes clothes and his hair, like, smoke is coming off a little bit. He looks a little dazed.

He's kind of like drunk standing on his feet. You see my little static shots? Let me ground you.
And then I hit him with the black.

Do like some letters show up in front of Tolv that are like red and like a little like they're written like in a bloody font that says something? He says, Finish him.

Yeah.

Let me ground him. And then I'm

gonna hit with my Warhammer again.

It's the 22.

Hits. All right.
Doing damage. I believe it's pronounced Dimage.
Demage. That's 10 plus 2, 12.
12 points of damage.

Yeah, while the pirate is there stunned, you bring down your Warhammer to firmly ground him, and he falls to the ground unmoving. And the person who asked about the finisher lets out a loud cheer.

Woo!

Turns around and begins handing out and receiving money as well. Cool.
So they bet on people who weren't even part of the initial fight. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, cool.
Yeah. I think we're winning.

I don't want to get in the weeds about gambling, but you can bet that things will happen or things won't happen or like you can make other bets as well besides just like which side will win. Gotcha.

True. Thank you for explaining gambling to me.

I'm a good person who doesn't gamble just because gambling's fun. It's really important.

We'll have a special how to gamble episode until Speak Sticky Dresses.

I think that that's my turn. I don't um I'm still within five feet of Gambot and Gunther, correct? Yes.
Okay.

I think that at this point, like all the fighting seems to be subsiding, and the remaining pirates are all kind of like putting their weapons away and shaking hands.

Kind of like after a little league game where you like high-five each other and say good game. They're all good gaming each other.
You know, in Little League, when you murder each other.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you shake hands and high-five and eat orange slices after.
Yeah, you go to Dairy Queen if you want.

Only the pirates wouldn't eat orange slices because they're getting scurvy.

It's even more important to them eating them orange

While they're doing that, could Gunther go to the pirate captain and search him and then also take his shoes off? Yeah, sure, why not? Okay. Taking his shoes off? Is this like a ritual?

Are you taking this afforded feet thing anywhere? I'm checking for something. Oh, okay.
I know we were talking about feet earlier. What are you checking for? I'm looking for a particular set of feet.

Care to share what kind of feet you're looking for? I think he just wants a feet because he got a feet. Yeah.
Do I notice anything unique about this captain's feet? No?

no no okay gunther are you seeking revenge on someone who has six toes or some weird feet yes

i had no idea either i was like i don't know where this is going he's looking for the man with six feet six toes six feet

well this one's gonna be six feet under gunther we're all buddies why don't you tell us what kind of feet you're looking for and then we can help you find it six toes six toes oh six toes oh i told you Yeah, you called it.

You called it. On both feet or one foot? Just the one foot with six toes.
On the right or the left, do you remember? It was on the right. Okay, got it.

Now, did they get this extra toe from like some sort of hokey-pokey accident? No. Okay, never mind.
I do not understand how you get it. You put your right foot in, you put your right foot out.

You know, maybe when you put it in, and he collided with another foot and gained a toe. I don't know.

Exactly.

You dog.

No, I don't believe he did hokey pokey. Okay.

Was there anything on the body of the captain? Yeah, I mean, the captain has a rapier and a pistol. Can I take the rapier and the pistol? Yeah.
Just a basic rapier. Yeah, it's just a standard rapier.

And why not? He also had a small purse filled with some silver. Three silver pieces.
Sorry, I wrote bad. I hand out two of the silver pieces.
I'll just hand out all three of them to party members.

Ooh, a tip.

Natty gives it to Geeky and he proceeds to eat it. Maybe we could give these to that wind Twitter if we happen to come in contact with him again.
You know what?

I think it's time to get a little helper for Geeky.

Natty grabs a drop of blood, a piece of flesh from the captain, and then grinds a little bit of an exposed bone and casts Animate Dead on the captain.

Okay. Oh my god.
This spell creates an undead servant, imbues the target with uh with a foul mimicry of life raising as an undead creature.

The target becomes a skeleton if you chose a pile of bones or a zombie if you chose a corpse. So he's a zombie.
Yep, zombie. Definitely a corpse.

He only lasts for 24 hours, but I can cast it again on him after a long rest if I want to keep him. Tov sees this.

His instinct would be to attack, but he knows that you mentioned that you have this new thing, and he turns to Natty and he says, I'm going to ask that I have a DNR, so if I go down,

you want you then to me.

Hey, Captain, what's your what was your name? I don't know if he can talk, but what was the captain's name? Let's first establish if he can talk real fast.

Just because this may come back and be important later, so I'd like to set the precedent now. I don't know.
Can zombies talk? So, zombies can understand the languages of its creator, but cannot speak.

Okay. So, that's according to the rules for zombies.
So, I'm gonna say.

I'm going to need to come up with something a little easier to say than that.

Alright, everybody, meet Grumbles.

Good evening, Captain Grumbles. Captain Grumbles.
Is Grumbles part of the Rabble faction by any chance? Because that would go. I believe that's what I said.
No, he was the conservation.

Apache was part of the Council of Conservation. Yeah, and then

one of the pirates that was fighting the captain was the rabble, which means that, no, the captain was part of troop troop. Okay.
I see a dancer.

How do we say troop troop? T-R-O-O-P-T-R-O-U-P-E. I nailed it.
I'll take my inspiration die.

Alright. Captain, take care of Gigi.

Because Gigi has a leash, right? Yeah. Yeah.

I guess you hand the leash to the captain To Grumbles? Okay. And Gigi starts gnawing on his leg.
Okay.

Grumbles just is watching. Alright, Doug, what do we do now?

I guess we should probably find a way out of this cage, huh? Does anybody approach the cage, like a door, or a referee? Or does that dude

above us do anything? Or maybe, Gunther, I don't know if you want to scream out to see if...

Fazma-bum. Aye, we're looking for Fizmod.
Nope. Fizmom.
Fizz Fizmom. I never know if it's Gunther saying things a weird way or if he's just saying it wrong.
That was a hard B.

That was not the correct word.

Nobody seems to reply or pay any attention, but the pirates who are there who just high-fived each other are making their way to the staircase. That was to the south? The staircase was,

yeah, to the south. That appears to ascend.
We're going to the locker room.

Should we follow? We should go to the rap party. Yeah.
Yeah, I think so. Alright.
As Tollv leaves, because he's never gotten this kind of attention before, he wants to wave to the audience. Thank you.

Thank you. Good night.
A couple of them jeer at you angrily, and then a few others

are cheering with fists full of money, excitedly. My biggest fans, shout out you.

While we're going up, could Gunther go up to the one of the pirates that's walking up and be like, You fought very bravely. I'm Gunther.

Yeah, the pirate kind of smiles at you and reaches out a hand to shake. Gunther reaches up and shakes it.

Yeah. As

you all are making your way to the staircase, Gunther's chatting with this pirate and shaking hands. Told, in the corner of your eye, something hooks your attention, like a fish to the lure.

A shadowy silhouette looms just past the heads of the exiting crowd. The menacing figure's wearing a minotaur-horned helmet, wielding a mace spiked with scores of shark teeth.

I know this guy. You turn to face the figure and lock eyes with none other than Captain Jarl Ironclad.

Ironclad.

A reunion! No!

Find out what happens with that in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I got Captain, you got Captain, everybody get Captain.

Captain's all the way down. This is not a fun captain.
This is no Captain Crunch. You guys gotta be careful around this one.

All right, well, thanks for listening, everybody. I had a lot of fun in this episode.
It was a lot of variety, a lot of things going on.

It's always a joy. It's fun to push new buttons.
I want to give this victory. I want to say shout out to my God.

Shout out to the sea drinker. Without you, I couldn't do this.

Yeah.

Toll 316.

Hey, everyone. Hope you're enjoying the show.
Thank you so much. And if you'd like to give us some support, head over to store.stinkydragonpod.com.
We got some merch out for you.

We got a Council of Barbarians t-shirt, all your favorite barbarians on one t-shirt. We've also got our Stinky Spring Collection 25 with a vintage Dusty Dragon Tea, Prest to Digitation Spelling Tea.

I love that shirt.

Vibe check hat, and much more again go over to store.stinkydragonpod.com we would really appreciate it new episodes of tails from the stinky dragon premiere every other wednesday wherever you stream podcasts and on the stinky dragon youtube channel want to listen to the show 48 hours early and at free become a patron at stinkydragonpod.com or become a member of beacon at beacon.tv both memberships support the show and receive access to our exclusive bonus series second wind and a member only discord for their respective platform if you become a patron you get access to even more exclusive bonus content stinky dragon community and discord events and you get your name shouted out just like Taylor at Baubolin.

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These patrons directly support the show and get ad-free episodes, access to our exclusive patron-only Discord server, bonus content like Second Wind and Behind the Screen, and so much more.

In fact, here's a quick peek from our latest episode of Behind the Screen. What are the steps that go into creating an NPC?

My current process is I'll roll two personality traits and try and mash them together. And it creates some complex, interesting characters rather than just like a typical archetype of a character.

And then I'll give them one physical characteristic rather than like a full description.

Because typically as a player, if you give them too many details, they won't take it in or they won't remember or it's just too much information, right?

And then instead of more physical characteristics, I might give them something that they're wearing or holding and give that a descriptor as well. And so those are kind of the basic building blocks.

Give them the name, of course, but it's funny. We played an episode not too long ago where they came across these little minion type creatures.
I didn't write any... any information.

I gave like generic information for all of them, but there's no personalities. There's no like names.
And I'm so glad they did because like they killed them all.

You know, it's just like, it's just like, it would have been a wasted effort to like give a backstory to this character that's never going to come up again.

It's tough because if you write a backstory and all this compelling information for an NPC, the party's never going to hear it, right?

They're going to end up inevitably killing that NPC or not asking any of the personal questions. But lots of times, if you don't write that stuff, then the party is going to really want to drill in.

Who is this person? Where are they from? How did they grow up? What are their parents' names? So there's really a balance to it.

What helps me convey uniqueness to the NPCs is some of the random personality traits you give them. You know, this person

is missing part of their leg or they speak like their tongue is stuck in their mouth. Their tongue is stuck to the roof of their mouth, which kind of helps differentiate that NPC from other NPCs.

Again, all of that over at stinkydragonpod.com. We can't thank you enough for your support that lets us make this show.

A number of incredible voice actors lent their voices to this show, including the Pirate Captain, voiced by Jordan Sweers from 100% Eat Podcast, The Crowd Heckler, voiced by Peyton McLeod at Peyton McLeod, and Private, Private Parts, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is produced by Ben Ernst, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by Catherine Arnold.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

You guys know what time it is. It's Doug on the ones and twos at equals threes.
Welcome to today's show.

Well, we are in the midst of a pirate battle with three different factions.

Are they fighting each other? Are they fighting us? Is it both? Let's find out as we continue the tales from Stinky Dragon.

Even though, if anybody does hear this, it's probably at the end of the episode and you already know what happened.

Doug, unfortunately, even with his new telepathic ability, doesn't have the sense to see the future. But hey, maybe someday, maybe on the next level up, that might be a feat that Doug gets.

A little OP.

But we shall see if the great powers that be allowed Doug to see into the future. I couldn't think of something that rhymed with that.

Doug should probably also use his time to stretch his legs, but he does not. Maybe that's in my best interest, but who knows? Doug's gonna stretch his legs.
Doug could see what will be.

Oh my god, how did I not think of that? I was peeing and I was like screaming, what will be?

Save over $200 when you book weekly stays with Verbo. This winter, if you need to work, why not work from a chalet?

If you haven't seen your college besties since, well, college, you need a week to fully catch up in a snowy cabin.

And if you have to stay in a remote place with your in-laws, you should save over $200 a week. That's the least we can do.
So, you might as well start digging out the Lounge,

because saving over $200 on a week-long snowcation rental is in the cards. Book now at Verbo.com.

Hey, Ryan Reynolds here, wishing you a very happy half-off holiday, because right now Mint Mobile is offering you the gift of 50% off unlimited. To be clear, that's half price, not half the service.

And Mint is still premium unlimited wireless for a great price. So that means a half day.
Yeah? Give it a try at mintmobile.com/slash save.

Upfront payment of $45 for free month, plan equivalent to $15 per month required. New customer offer for first three months only.
Speed slow under 55 gigabytes of networks busy. Taxes and fees extra.

See Mintmobile.com.