C02 - Ep. 43 - Vengeance in Vainia - Fengpik and Choose

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Hey, I'm Ernie Nikam from the fully improvised comedy podcast, Hello from the Magic Tavern. I'm here with my co-hosts, Chunt the Talking Badger, Bing Bong, and Usinor the Wizard.

I greet the listeners. Look, I'm trapped in the the magical land of Foon.
So I started a podcast interviewing elves, unicorns, and other weirdos.

We have great guests like Felicia Day, Jason Manzukas, Brennan Lee Mulligan, Amy Mann, and so many more. Oh, and I think one time we interviewed a sentient shoe.
I hope it was sentient.

Not to mention the evil people we've had to interview. How I hate evil.

Join us as we bar crawl across the magical land of Foon. Looking for adventure.
Getting caught up in escapades.

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Felicitations, Frost Giants. Stomp your way into the stinky dragon.
Take a taste of our latest tonic. Don't lose your temper.

It's a mixture of milkstone, silt-a-moon powder, vanilla pebbles, brawl spice, scardamom, and an axe full of honeycomb. One sip of this sharpened sauce is enough to cure any case of the wintry blues.

Previously, our adventurers were playing hide and seek with Avena and the Sferatu, but managed to give him the slip and flew up to the floor of Finpic.

But a suspicious Feratu snuck past a sculpture with a strangely familiar laugh, leaving the party perturbed.

Latch onto a libation, let's leap into our lore.

What's a Scardamom? It's like a cardamom. Yeah.
Give it a bap.

No answers were given.

Cardamom. It's spice.
And what Micah likes to do is mess with words so that they have something like a scaram.

I was actually trying to give you.

It's like what's that called? Scatting. Scatting.
It also sounds like I'm saying a bad word when I say that. Skip it about.
Skip it about.

Well, hello, everyone. Scatting aside, my name is Gustavo Sorola.
I'm the dungeon master of our future party. Hello, Barbara.
I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow. Oh, put it up.

This week. Blurbilla Gerbel.

Blurbala gurbal.

This week's role-playing warm-up question is: if your character was going out for a fancy dinner or to a formal event, how do they clean themselves up? What would they wear?

I'll go first. Go ahead.
Yeah, why? Hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Elga von Brass, the half-elf vampire barbarian. And you know, Elga, she likes going out for a nice fancy meal.

God. But Elga doesn't have a lot of reference for what you do or how you dress for a fancy meal.
So Elga wears a little bib. Yeah.
A little bib that has a picture of a lobster on it.

That has one of those little pockets that catches the food as it falls. It wouldn't be a lobster.
It would just be a person. It would just be a

for all the blood. Yeah.
Or a neck. Or it's like a raincoat like Patrick Bateman in American Psycho.

I was like, Elga would just go out fully covered head to toe in like plastic wear. Yeah, because I imagine like her going out for dinner is essentially just going for a literal blood bite.

Little blood bath. Literal.
Yeah. And yes, a quick bite.
I'm about to eat. Eat a bite.
Eat a bite. I bite to eat.
Her clothes used to be red, but now, or before they were, oh my God. They're ruining.

Her clothes used to be white before vampire. She was right and ready.
And action. Barney, go ahead.

Hi, I'm Chris DeBarris, and I play Barney Farney. We'll get in the edit.
Barney Farney. The

human cleric for a night out on the town.

I'd wear my,

I have a set of nice clothes, my fancy clothes. They've got my fancy suspenders and my polka dot tie.
And Barney, she'd wear her,

she has this summer dress. It's

just

got flowers in it. And we'd wear it out to the, like the, the, the spring flower dance in the village.
Pants hiked right up below the nipples, huh, Barney?

I don't think she's allowed to wear that anymore. But what makes your suspenders fancy? They've got the hooks, the little clasps on them.

Well,

they're silver.

Silver? Can you imagine? Hopefully you don't have those with you right now or in Vania. He's not out for a fancy dinner, so now.

Yeah. It looked like quite, quite, I cleaned myself up quite nicely.

Okay, we're on your, we're on your side, Barney.

Don't need to get so shit. Both Barney and Elga clean themselves up very equally nicely.
Yeah.

They would have been suspenders. And if we had walked into Elga's house and like the entry is one of those cleaners that like people go through to get into a clean room.

And it's just that prepared all the time.

Well, hey there, it's Blaine Gibson and I play Chip Paney. I'm a level seven tiefling rogue.
I did that off the memory. I watched.
Yeah.

I looked at the sky. I did 43 episodes.

I did it. That's your dead wife.
Well, whenever, you know, me and Carol used to go out for a date night, Chip would get a little dapper, let's just say.

He'd wear his,

he'd swap out his shooty and he'd find his finest polo shirt oh and then still short sleeves of course of course and then uh for the pants uh he'd swap out his jorts and he'd get his nice khaki shorts instead and uh these ones go below the knee that's right and then i'd have the uh the old uh leave the old bum bag at home in exchange for a chained wallet you know fancy and then uh you gotta watch out for the crooks and then uh wear leather shoes And

oh, yeah, we go dancing and killing. And when you say leather shoes, do you mean like penny loafers or hush puppies or something like that? Yeah.

I think like hush puppies would be appropriate for Chip. What's your hush puppy? Like I know the food, but it's like a brand of shoes.
It's like a penny loaf. It looks like a penny loafer.
Okay.

The loafer of some kind.

The kind of leather shoes that have the little dumb tassels that don't do anything, but they're just there. Decorative.
Other than that, I'd just trim up the old mustache roux and we good to go.

What's the cologne that Chip puts on to be extra fancy? Ode Day

Claydon. I don't know.

I do some sulfur. To bring out my, you know, tieflingness.
Yeah, I like that. Bonjour.
My name is John Reisinger, and I play Mati Confici. She's an Eric Cochrane ghost monk.

And in order to go out for a fancy night, I don't normally subscribe to you know really wearing fancy clothes or really that much clothes in the first place, but I obviously would clean myself up.

And in fact, when I go out for a fancy dinner, I wear very little clothes and just show off all my plumage as much as possible because my feathers are beautiful. I don't know if you've seen it.

Would you bathe in the finest bird bath? Just a big old tub of water? Are you trying to become my enemy again? Is that what you're trying to do? Making fun of you.

I would never

making fun of my. I have a normal bath.
I have like a bath that's like normal. Well, in your it might be a bird bath.
Well, but then by nature, wouldn't it be a bird bath?

Do you call yours like a human bath? A barney bath. Yes.
No, you don't. If you ask, if you clarify.
No, you don't.

I disagree with that argument. If there were two baths and one was a bird bath and one was another bath, I'd say that's the human bath.
As Barbara pulls her headphones away from her ears.

No, I clean up and make sure I'm nice and presentable and show off myself because myself is the most beautiful part that anybody could ever put on top of me. Ah, I noticed.
I have a question.

I don't know if we've ever asked this before, but Mateed is bird.

Eric Cochrane. So are your eyes on the side of your head or are they in the front? That's a good question because most birds do have.
Because I'm wondering if, like, I've been talking about

the design of Eric Cochrane's, like, and you saw it like in the Dungeons and Dragons movie. It's, they have, they have, they're anthropomorphized is what they are.
Gotcha.

Because, yeah, that would be either bad or very good. I think the furthest, technically, I learned this in like a science class, but the further the eyes apart, the more of a predator the animal is.

The closer the eyes are, because it's depth perception and stuff like that. Okay.
You know, that's interesting.

It's whether the two eyes are on the front, providing stereo vision, as opposed to like on the side for more peripheral vision.

Yeah. Well, Chip's got the widest gap between his two eyes.

Apex predator, Chip Haney.

He's still not getting it.

He's not.

He's not, but sort of is.

He starts stabbing at the air.

Chip gets real still. He thinks he hears something.

D puts up fingers and asks him if he can tell how many fingers are up.

You, you know, you begin quietly trying to make your way, I think you said to the central chamber. Is that what you said, John?

And as you're doing so, a dark figure steps around the corner from the northeast. It's a lone Sferatu, but their red robes don't seem to fit their muscular frame.

The Sferatu quickly approaches the southeast corner and reaches out with their hand to touch the sculpture of Fangs. Wait, no, it's not their hand, it's a dismembered hand.

All at once, the sculpture rotates, revealing a secret passageway. And as the Sferatu creeps inside, you hear them utter a sound you're all too familiar with.

No, I thought it was gonna be a high-pitched fart.

I thought of a fart too. Yeah.

Oh, that's that. Oh, that's.
Oh, that's him. I knew it.
It wasn't me. Something I also want to point out that I think we forgot about when we found Benicia.
Yeah. Benicia?

There was like like a red thread in that room with her. But there's like red capes from the Sferatsu and then my mother has also like a red, I think, ask on.

And then like, there's a bunch of other red clothing in here, so it doesn't really help. But just something to keep in mind.
Yeah. Like there's the red thread in there.
Yeah, that's good to know.

It's a important thread to follow up on. Yeah.

I think I was a micro chuckle. So do you all remember, you know, what's happened, what's going on, where you're at? Triangle Room.
I asked a question at at the end of the episode. What was that?

Which direction did we come in from? Because you said he came from northeast to a southeast door. Yeah, you're kind of like you entered at the southern end.

So like I said, this is this room's a big triangle, right? Right. And you entered at the southern end of the triangle, which is like the base of the triangle.
Okay, so not the tip. Correct.

That would be opposite from where you are on the northern end. Oh, okay.
Yeah, you're on the base and the tip is.

Oh, so we see the tip in front of us. Yeah, I guess my confusion on my face is because I think you described that he came came in from a northeast door.

Yeah, he came in from like the northeast side of the triangle. Yeah.
He steps around the corner from the northeast because there is a room. Remember, there's also a central center.

The door he came in was not from the northeast. He's not that he came in through a door.
He just came around that corner. Thank you.

I'm just trying to make a visual image in my head. So imagine there's like a square in the middle of that triangle.
I got you.

Yeah, and then he came around the northeast side of that and then went to the southeast corner. Okay.
And that's where that kind of thing. And he didn't see us.

So this isn't like a this isn't this doesn't look like the vania symbol right like like it's a right side up triangle and he held up a cutoff arm yeah to get access to this

hand to get access to this like secret passageway okay it does not look like the vania symbol and yes it was a hand what if it's your dad's hand oh gosh that's really gruesome does zelga know what her dad's like wait do they have jobs or are they just like bureaucrats well apparently they they had count von breath help build stuff so maybe he's like a architect he's construction.

Construction. Any like waste management.
Do you know

his fingernails or does he have a nice watch that he wears? Definitely not silver, but you know something like that. Everyone make a perception check.
A Spolex watch.

Nice. My father often wears long sleeve shirts, so I don't know.
14. 20 for Elga.
25. Oh my God, I rolled in that 20.
But it's 19.

Obviously, there's a lot of different ways you can go, a lot of different things you can do in here. But everyone except for Barney notices that that secret passageway to the southeast begins closing.

Should we make a move? Yeah, we should probably follow fast. Yeah.
I dash over and put my very long and glorious legs in the door. Crunch.

I don't know if it's like a sensor thing. We should probably go through, huh? Maybe stick a weapon in? Do you have like your your spear, the bigger? I put my spear in the doorway.

Yeah, is it a thing that we could is it closing at a rate in which we could dash? If y'all are gonna try to make it in, you're you all have to hustle to make it there.

Elga runs over to get in. Everyone make an athletics check.
Okay.

Oh, you got it. Pass this was no problem.

I like that bravado. 18.
21. 13.
12. Not bad.
You all start darting over, but Barney, you just getting in the way of Mate.

Every time Mate tries to get around him, Barney's just like bumbling around in front of them, slowing them down.

So Chip and Elga manage to get there before the door closes, but it doesn't look like you're going to make it. Barney and Mateed.

We're dividing the party. Can we stop the door from closing? Like, are we strong enough to...
You can try.

Could I um try to keep the door open i will attempt as well barbarian strength make like a strength check to see if you're able to to hold it is it just

or chip and oh if you want to go for it yeah absolutely i'm gonna use my inspiration die okay elgo rolled an eight chip rolled a 21. okay uh 19.
oh my goodness

you all you know put your back into it and really push the door doesn't seem to be stopping but it is slowing down it's it's get you know since it has resistance now against it and since you all what rolled a 13 and a 12 you were close enough you're able to slow it down just enough for barney and Mateed to make it across the threshold.

Not just Mateed? No. Okay.
Unfortunately, Barney and Mateed both make it there. Come on, guys, get in quick.

Elga and Chip save the day. Mate slides to the door, but then realizes that Gigi's on the other side and puts their hand through and pulls Gigi along the floor before the door closes.

What is that in reference to

Indian Jones? Indian Jones. He does it, yeah, but he doesn't do the brim sweat.
Never mind, sorry. Barney, Barney slides through the door and noticed that his walker is just

and his hand slips through and grabs his walker

so you all came through i didn't i i i i mentioned that the figure you know touched the fang of a sculpture in the southeast just just for clarification so y'all understand what that was in this southeast corner there was a large stone sculpture of a fanged maw mounted against this corner of the wall oh like ma and paw same like a big mouth yeah yeah no like like no a fanged maw like a big just like a big got it different than ma paw well It's also it's they're both spelled M-A-W.

Right. Is that the one you're talking about? Who's on first?

It is a fanged maw, but not necessarily the maw. The maw.
But the maw,

from like religiously wise, would we know? Does it have a shape? Do we know what the maw looks like? Yeah, does it look like this type of maw? Both of you make religion checks.

Solid nine.

Aren't you a cleric? Yeah, I don't have great religion.

I'm a cleric for, like, you know, worldly reasons. What? That's a dirty 20.
A dirty 20. Saintly Chipaney.

Chiphaney.

Did you say hypotenuse?

Well,

we are in a triangle. Yeah, yeah.

It's not a right triangle. It's more of an equilateral, but same thing.
You know, Chip, you think this could be in reference to the

deity of the Ma.

I don't try to scare my friends. I say,

that's that, gang, hey, gang. Or I guess it would tray, hey, gang, that's the ma of like ma and pa fame, like religious wise.

That's a statue, Jib. Yeah.
Does a

remember if like the vampires here like worship ma versus pa? Would she know that? Nah.

All right.

Jibre saw an inspiration die. That was good.
That was really good. I was over there with this nice little set, little volleyball set, and I spiked it.
That's how it works. Comedy.
I appreciate it.

Sometimes you gotta set

your comedy partners up and let them take it. Also known as John Needs Help.

So, Elga, you were asking about religious practices within the Vampspire? Yeah.

So make me a... Let's just call it a wisdom check.
I want to see if I can remember how to make a clair. So what do I roll for that? A claire? Bakery.
Baked goods. Baked goods.

So from your recollection, you don't recall there being a lot of super religious folks like people may go through the motions but they're not really zealous about it they're a lot more zealous in faunal lock but we do faunaloc what is that it's an area i believe we've referred to in the past but i don't think you all have been there okay isn't that where shrek went to go fight it's dulak so we don't we don't worship the maw here or like uh i mean not necessarily i mean you know the there is there is some semblance of religion like you know the order with the spheratu and everything, but that's not necessarily maw-specific.

That's more like arcane. Okay, and while we're talking about religion, which one was the one- Have you heard the good word? No one's butt is clenching up right now with that sentence.

Mike and John. After this, we'll talk about politics.

What was the deity that the Abrillions... Oh, I almost forgot their name.
Paul? They worship the Paul. They like the Paul.
Ah. Ah!

All right, great. Well, do you want to you guys want to just keep following? Okay, Chiphaney does his stealth signals

should you chip should you go ahead and and keep

scout ahead to keep up with Eddie

thumbs up So you all enter a room from the west so it goes out east from the triangle room that you were in you enter from the west into a barely lit hall with colonnades mounds of dirt and rows of coffins from your perspective you're like i said you're entering from the west so you're facing east and the room is longer than it is wide but it is it is still a very sizable room was Wasn't a colonnade?

Like big columns. Like structurally supporting columns.
Okay. And we don't see Eddie.
Yeah, is there any sight of Eddie? Make an investigation check. All of us or just Barney?

Whoever asked, or whoever wants to. Nati just proceeds to open up every single coffin.
22.

One. Barney doesn't know where he is.
Barney's facing the wall. So, Barney, yeah, you're lost about everything, about religion, about where you are.

I mean, you're just, you have no idea what's going on.

See my overalls?

Real boomer energy over here from Mr. Farney.
Chip, however, you don't see any sign of what you presume is Eddie. You don't need to see any sign of that Sveratu.

However, you do see kind of to the south, not too far up from where you are, maybe 40 feet up from where you are, a little to the south, you do see what appears to be a human battler lying on the ground.

40 feet up. Oh, as is

40 feet east and then about 10 feet south. Got it.

I kind of like non-verbally gesture to the gang that there's a person over there. Are you missing missing any limbs or

extremities? This side, you probably not.

No. I'd like to approach, but can I do so like in the shadows? Like there's columns.
You said columnade, which is a new word I learned today. What was the word? Colonnade.
Colonnade, yeah.

Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah.
So I want to like sneak behind those as I approach. Okay.
And I'll approach column B.

Nice.

Make a... A little bit of columnade.
A little column B? Make a stealth check or be chip. Okay, this is at advantage.
That's a 10 and a 19. You approach stealthily, hiding in the shadows.

Chip, what are you doing? I can't see you.

Where'd you go? It's not dark in here. It's not dark.
My team wouldn't do that.

As you get closer, you see

it becomes clearer what you're looking at. It appears to be an elderly human battler lying on the ground, unconscious.
And I think that's not quickly. Yeah, do I recognize him? No.

The other three of you, make me perception checks. I think I'll pass.
You can pass if you want. 24.
21. 25.
Oh, I gathered my bearings.

The three of you hear footsteps coming from the secret passage you all just came in. Oh.

Let's. Elga tries to shield herself in like a shadow, like hide.
Okay. How tall is this hallway? Well, this is a like a big room.
It's massive. So it's really wide, really long, and really tall.

I go up. Could Barney try and find a place, like one of those coffins to hide behind or something? Yeah.
Or a column. All three of you make me stealth checks.
Oh, gosh. You can do it, King.

I believe in you. 26.
Yes, yes. 19.

For a three.

Why do I imagine when like everyone else just like whoosh ninja it out? Like Elga just stays there. Ellia takes one step and then like, whoosh, all your axes go everywhere.

I feel almost like Elga puts her hands in front of her eyes, like plain peekaboo. Like, you can't see me.
I can't see you.

So, Barney, you try to hide by a coffin, you said. Mati takes to the air high in the ceiling.
Elga, yeah, your shoelaces are untied, so you just trip and land face.

Wearing Mary Jane's face first into a big pile of dirt. This is impossible.
You're wearing Mary Jane. Is that what you said? Yeah.

No laces on those. Your foot comes a little loose.
Maybe the shoe's a little big for you. It's a hand-me-down.
They're rich. No, they're rich.
There's handy-down for you.

These are vintage.

They're not available anymore. And

from the hallway, Elga, you look up, you know, from your pile of dirt, and you see three Sferatu enter the room that you're in, and they look down at you on the ground. Oh, you found me.

Flay hide and go seek. Your turn.
Your turn. Okay, now I'm going to count to 100 and you guys go hide, okay? Make a persuasion chest.
Start counting to go van, two. Ah, ah, ah.

That's an 18. There you go.
They look at each other and then look down at you and then they take off running hot, running down the hallway in the direction they came from.

Oh my god. I guess if they're oh, okay, like they're gonna go hide.

I was like, I don't know if they're like running to go tell someone that I'm here or like gonna go hide. You know, I didn't like these Fratu before, but now

they are really into hide and go seek. Yes, they really want to make me happy.
Yeah.

Okay, so now there's no one that we could perceive down here anymore. Correct, just the battler that Chip found.
Gotcha. Okay, guys.
I think I have distracted them for at least a hundred seconds.

Oh, we're about to come out. Elga, you might know this person.
Come take a look. That's almost 17 rounds.
That's true. Could I go look at the person while they're still hiding? You may.

Thank you, Tip, for permission. Yeah, you walk up and you're able to confirm Chip's suspicions.
This is an elderly human battler. And do I recognize him? Make a wisdom check.
16?

No, you do not recognize this battler. Is it alive? Have you guys checked? Yeah.
It appears to be alive. He is breathing.
Barney, do you recognize him? Yeah, can Barney go see if he recognizes him?

Yeah, make a wisdom check as well. Seven.
No, you don't know who this is. Could I maybe get real close to him and be like, excuse me, sir?

Uh, this is is not your bedroom, so I don't know if you think you're sleeping safe in your bed, but you're down here and I'm just trying to wake you up gently. Hello!

He uh shoots straight up. Oh, he like sits straight up, uh, looks at you with panic on his face, and he goes,

And he, like, uh, puts his hand to the back of his head. Uh-oh.
What happened? I was conducting routine maintenance on my count's coffin when suddenly Esperato barged in and knocked me out. Uh-oh.

I think we know who that must have been. Oh, my head.
Were they like big and muscular, and were they laughing a bunch, like really annoying? Like, that sounds right.

And so, what you were doing, you were checking someone's coffin? Yes, I was doing maintenance on my count's coffin right here. He points at the coffin that's right next to him.
Who's your count?

Count Vlad. Do you like Vlad? Vlad, good guy? Yes, he is a kind count.

Does Vlad like spice? Does Vlad like spice? Don't get it. I don't get it.
Like Harkinen? Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Oh,

oh. Who else is, Uh, what other counts have uh coffins down here? All of them do.
And you know, in fact, you look around, this room is filled with many different coffins.

Like I said, there are two rows of coffins, and they're very long. They all sleep in the same room.
What do they use these coffins for?

It's their official home, they're their resting place, where they recharge if necessary. Where's Count Vixie? I think his coffin is on the other side.

He points like on the other row of coffins and down a little further to the east. But I'm not sure.
I only take care of Count Vlad's coffin. What was this guy's name again? This guy?

Oh, everything y'all have asked. Hey, hey,

first and foremost, Chip and Haney. Pleasure to meet you.
What's your name there? Chip and Haney. Chip and Haney.
I am Mincinos. Mincinos.
Wait, what are you doing here? You all aren't Sferatu.

Not that you're aware of. Yeah.
We're on a tour. Are you Seratu? Maybe.

You know, inclusivity? You know? I don't think you should be here. It's fine.
Listen, we're here to we saved you, so maybe you let this one slide. I I guess Vincentos, Vincenos, Mincinos, Mincinos,

are there any counts in here currently, like in their coffins, taking a sleep? I don't think so. Count Vlad isn't here.
I know that. Is Dracula's coffin down here? I presume it probably is.

Interesting. Maybe we should go take a look.
Can we look, or at least could Barney look around for the coffins? I guess look for Dracula and Vixie in the direction that the guy pointed.

Make me a perception check, Barney. Oh, can I do something? Is it dark in here? Yeah, it's pretty dim in here.
I'm going to do my, for everyone, I'll do my

super night vision. Super night vision.
So it lets you see up to like 100 feet, right? Is that it?

Five willing creatures, you can see, for, last for one hour, you have dark vision out to a range of 300 feet. 300 feet.
Wow. Okay, yeah, you can see this entire room.
Yeah. And you said investigation?

Or perception? Perception. 12.

And just for clarity, now that you have the super night vision, you know that this room is about from west to east about 110 feet long, and then from north to south, about 70 to 80 feet wide.

Big room. It's a really big room.
Yeah. You notice that the coffins have names on them.
And in fact, like Mincinos was saying, this coffin that he's at has the name Count Vlad written on it.

Looking at one or two of them, can I see if they're in any like order, like alphabetical? Yeah. Or is it a hierarchical? Make an intelligence check.
Fun word. Hierarchical.
Hierarchical. 13.

You're not able to discern any pattern to the coffins. I mean, they're very orderly placed, but as far as the names, it doesn't seem to make sense to you how they're arranged.

And did I see any Vixie or... Like Mincinos said, on the other side, further to the east, there is a coffin labeled Count Vixie.

Okay, ready a crossbow bolt. I'm going to open it.
I say to the team. Oh, the team, I assume, they stayed behind, or did they all, did you all go with him? I'm still up in the ceiling.

I'm just looking at the architecture, enjoying the craftsman work that was used to make this very ancient room. I think I'd also be like looking, like,

I imagine that we all have Dracula, von Braath, and have

Vixie

all on our minds, and we're kind of like, that's who I'm looking for. Elga would be looking for Dracula.

So Elga and Chip are wandering around looking for Dracula, and Matida is still like an Overwatch flying overhead. Yeah.
All right. That's a nicer way of putting that.
You're just zoning out.

I'm just enjoying being up in the sky. It's nice when I get to fly.
And I keep an eye on you guys. If someone comes in, I might tell you.
You might poop on them.

Chip and Elga make perception checks while I deal with Barney doing what he's doing with the coffin. Okay.
10, 2.

Barney? Okay, yeah. So, yeah, ready a crossbow bolt and open up the coffin thing.
Okay, yeah. You lift the lid to the coffin and open it and find an empty coffin with some dirt in it.
Shoot it!

He was so ready to shoot that it just goes off and hits

concrete.

While you think about what you're doing, I will switch switch back over. Elga and Chip, you're looking around.
You're not able to find a coffin that says Count Dracula. What about Count von Brath?

What did you roll? You rolled a 10? Yeah. Should I roll again? And I'll say you're able.
With a 10, you're able to find it. Okay.
Yeah, you do find one labeled Count von Braath. Could I open it? Yeah.

You lift open the lid. Also with the crossbow.

Dead. Yeah, this coffin is also empty.
Just some bits of dirt in it.

Is it just, I guess, like the counts that have coffins down here, or do I seem to have one and like Countess von Brath and everyone? Well, Countess von Brath is not a vampire. Right.

But do I have one? No. No.
Okay.

I saw Gus look to myself.

Like he could type in answer, or I could just turn it back. Yeah.
You'll get yours at your kinsanyere. Or your.

Sweet 16. No, what's the...
Isn't there a Jewish one? What is it? I'll let you figure it out. I forgot now.
I know what it is. It's a...
It's your.

mitzvah. Mitzvah.

My bat mitzvah. Which is funny because it's spelt B-A-T.

My Bet Mitzvah. What is Chipfinder the two?

You get some dirt in your eyes. There's dirt everywhere.
There's used gum on the floor. You should eat it.
Hey, Mimosa.

There's a lot of dirt in this here coffin place. Yes.

Why?

Don't they have to sleep on their like homeland dirt? Yeah, metagame-wise, you know, that's a a that's a thing. Could Barney clean the dirt out of Vixie's thing?

Uh, yeah, what you got, like a dustbuster or something? Uh, Red Devil?

I only use shark. Oh, yeah.
Please give us money.

Anyway, Dyson, just like you all. Yeah, I mean, I guess I'll just use that, or maybe I'll use my mage hand to kind of like sweep it into it.
Okay. Yeah.

What do you do? It's like dump it on the ground? Yeah, dump it on the ground. And then can I take the lid of it and try and smash it? Sure.
How do you smash it?

With my walker, which is technically listed as war hammer yeah i could take the end and like i like rest it diagonally and then take it

what's hey barn what's the thought in desecrating the tomb is that a tactical move oh oh because the family got it sorry i forgot about it

you you you want everyone to give you a pity for carol but you forget about everyone else's family no it took me a moment it took me a moment he's full of so much grief he doesn't have much room for other people's grief yeah my cup is full you start uh destroying the the the the lid to this coffin this is where we find out the coffins are rigged i also join him i start stamping on the pieces

here we go yeah you start making a lot of noise as you're as you're doing this

and yeah you you you break it sure all right cool we we showed him let's go scroll out

where are we going what's at the end of this uh room there's got to be more in this room than

i'm not ready to leave you but i just want to know like where's the is it there's a was there like a door that the spheratus exited out of are they hiding they went back in the direction they came from, which is like from the secret door you all entered from.

Wait a second, gang.

This smells like a boss fight room.

It's really big. Do you guys hear music?

Wait, can we check the... Can I do a perception check to see if a HP bar appears at the bottom of the screen?

Mincino says, this is scary.

He starts lifting up the coffin and dragging it out of the out the hallway. Wait, what? Wait,

what was he reacting to? Well, y'all said it says it looks like a boss room. Oh, okay.
I didn't know if this was like just for funsies. Yeah, but he, yeah, he, that was a funsy.
But yeah,

he does start, like, lifting the coffin and dragging it.

Guys, no funsies.

Could I go to

Stinker and be like,

sniffer out, Eddie? Does he know what he smells like? Stinker looks at you, mouth open, panting. He doesn't do anything? No, he's just staring at you, lovingly.

Can I do a little perception check from up top, see if I see anything? Yeah, you do perception or do investigation.

i mean are you looking for something specific or just in general uh just trying to see if there's anything interesting about this room that i can tell from an aerial perspective like a layout or a pattern like a room overview are there doors that'd be good that's a 17.

Yeah, from your

no joke intended, but from your bird's eye view, you really don't see much else.

Just every now and then, like a scattering of bones and some stone and various piles of dirt along with these two long rows of columns, of coffins. That's with a 17.

You said you guys couldn't find uh Dracula's because you guys had bad rolls? Pretty much. Can I do a little low swoop around and see if I see Dracula? Yeah, make an investigation check for that.
12.

You don't see one labeled Count Dracula. Oh, I'll just do another lap, okay? Is there anything that stands out as like a door or like another coffin that looks kind of different?

They all look different. They're all unique, so they all look different from each other.
Then there really doesn't seem to be any other door in this room.

Could the spot where the the coffin that uh i guess it was count vlad can we investigate that oh mentinos took it oh he took it is mentinos still there he's probably in the hallway at this point of where we came in from right could i call out to him hey wait is there any other way to exit this room other than the the direction you're going you don't hear any reply

could barney check the coffins in the area around vlad's now empty coffin or missing coffin yeah like the ones next to it yeah yeah i was wondering why eddie was coming down here what he was looking for.

He came in. Mm-hmm.
He smashed the guy on the head. Out of hand.
And then we don't know. And then we don't know.
So he must be either down here somewhere or have like left this room in some cases.

We also know something about Van Helsing is at play because that's what got me into this upper area. Everyone make me a perception check.
21.

16. 5.
1.

Perceptive group here. Huh? Barney and Mateed, you hear footsteps coming down the hallway again from where you all came.
Time to hide. It must have been the hundred seconds.
Yeah.

I think they got tired of hiding. You want to try to? I go.
I drop down and I grab Elga and bring her up to the ceiling. Chip looks at Mateed flying away with arms stretched out like, okay,

Barney. Barney does steps at night and grabs Chip.

Oh, what does that do? Have you done that yet before? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can just flame dim light

flying speed. Oh, right.
All of you make stealth checks with advantage since you're in the air. Triple advantage, okay.

19. 21.
27. Since I have disadvantage, that's just regular.
Yeah, it's just regular. So that's a six.

Sorry.

The three Sferatu you saw earlier come back into the room you're in, looking rather annoyed.

And they look around the room, and the sound of metal clanging catches their attention, and all three of them look straight up at you, Barney. But

the rest of us rolled so well. They don't see anyone else.
Well, would they see? I'm holding Chip, aren't I? I'm not with him. I'm not associated with it.
I act

Play just went limp in his chair. Really good ragdoll.
Yeah, it doesn't seem like they're addressing Chip. They're just looking straight at Barney.
Chip is just like, help this man. This man took me.

What are you doing? Who are you? I'm Count

Barnabas.

Can't you see? I'm flying.

I'm turning into a bat. Oh, that is pretty good.
Make a deception check.

11? Uh-oh, and I and I stir awake and I go, oh, Count Barnabas, please do not suck my blood. No! Oh, anything but this! Not the great and terrible Count Barnabas!

So royal! Make a deception check as well, Chip. Okay.

That is a 22.

Yeah!

I don't want to give that to you, but that's pretty good.

That's pretty fun. All right.
They look at each other, then they ask, Count Barnabas, have you seen Elga von Grof? She's supposed to be looking for us. She ran off that way.

She went looking over that. And I point the direction that

they came from. Oh, she's searching? Yes.
Oh, okay. You better hide.
They take up positions in this room and begin hiding. That looks kind of bad.

This is really sad. You should play along.
Wait, they take it. I pointed to go to tell him to go out.
I know. But you told him to hide.
I said, go hide out there. Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.

You want us to hide where she's looking? No, go hide in the other room, where she's not. She's went up that way.
I'm the best hiding spot in here. What's the best hiding spot in here?

In this room? Yeah. Probably in your own coffin.

No, that's exactly where people would look for me. Oh, yeah.
I don't know. This isn't a good room for hiding.

Well, then why are you hiding in here? You're right.

Way to go, way to go.

They take off running down the hallway. That was good.
Smooth. Take an inspiration shot.

That was really good. I like that.

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Wow. The empathetic in me is like, these guys probably never get to have any fun, and now they're getting to play this game, and they're so excited about getting to hide.

Maybe they missed Elga while she's been gone.

We didn't get into this in the other episode just because of the way that things played out. But now that

we're playing hide and sink again, Elga, you grew up playing this game, and you know that hide and sink means that when you find someone, you bite them. Oh, okay.

Just FYI, just throwing that out there. A little bit of a

background. They want to be bit.
That's why it was called that. I wondered.
Yeah, you sink your teeth into. Speratus aren't.
Are they vampires? They're bat-like.

Because they could turn into bats, right? In a way, yeah. Okay.
I mean, they're not counts. They're not, you know.
Battlers. They're not battlers.
Yeah.

But, you know, they have some vampiric properties. They're more like humanoid bats.
How about that?

Am I gathering that they want Elga to bite them? I don't know. They're like soldier ants.
You can make a vibe check. Can I make a vibe check? Yeah.
Like, how excited were they to go hide?

So would that be insight yeah sorry we've kind of co-opted i know that it rolled over from a 15 to a five so it's six six they just look like they're having fun

poor guys hey they're having fun it's what the song says all bats just want to have fun

okay yeah so they're gone okay i think we could go back down now got like 100 seconds okay i drop elka i land perfectly on the floor with my well-fitted mary jane is there anything do we have any barney surely you have some sort of magic spell that reveals something stupid.

Or maybe like one of the coffins is like a door? Yeah, I bet you that's what it is. How many coffins are there in here?

You know, we have a lot of people in our community that have left comments and interacted with us at Stinky Dragon Pod. Let's just go down the row of coffins and list off every count that we see.

How about I do this, Gus, since you won't let me do another investigation check because I've already done my investigation check for the room. Uh-huh.
What if I asked Gigi?

to look for Dracula's coffin. We can try that, but I'm going to answer Barbara's question, I think, that that she asked right there a little earlier.
How many were there? Yeah. It's two rows of nine.

There's a total of 18 coffins in here. So if we divide in Conquer, we could look at all of them.
Yeah. Can I charge something too? Yeah, but let me deal with John's thing first over here.

So you're asking Gigi what? I'm sorry. Well, are you going to let...
I was trying to figure out if you would let us just go look around at the coffins. Because I did an investigation check.

Yeah, I don't see why

that would be a problem. Then I don't need to do that.
Then we will each take four and a half coffins. Yeah, I imagine like dozens of coffins, but yeah, 18 something.
Each take four and a half.

Okay, guys, four and a half coffins each. We'll go check and let's just make a sound if you see anything out of the ordinary.
And if you find the person sleeping in there, just close it quietly.

I have a question. I have thaumaturgy.
Instantaneously cause an unlocked door or window to fly open. Could I do that? You probably have to know where it is.
You have to be aware. Okay.
Okay.

Then never mind. I'll just go search for the rest.
So, just, can you all describe to me, what do you mean you're searching? Like, you're opening up every coffin?

I guess I would see the name and then just kind of, yeah, look around, investigate. I'd probably peek in each one.
Yeah. See what I was looking at.
Sure. Look at the name and then peek in.
Okay.

Yeah, you all start working your way. And do you all start from the same direction or do you all start from the four different directions and work your way to the middle? What if we did that?

Yeah, put us in the four corners and have us meet in the middle. I'm going to have...

Feel free to stop me. I'm just going to kind of assign you all as I see you all.

Elga starting from the northwest, Barney starting from the northeast, Chip starting from the southeast, and Matisse starting from the southwest.

And you're all just going to work your way and meet in the middle. Yeah.
Sounds good? Cool. Yeah.
You

know begin looking through all of the coffins, making your way through them, you know, looking at all the different names. Of course, Barney, you started up in the northeast.

That's closest to where Count Vixie's coffin was. But yeah, you all see just numerous names.
Close to Count Vixie's, you see Countess Vixsoft as well, right next to it.

You all met her earlier when you first came up to Clostrid. But yeah, just friends now.
You go through, and there's just a list of various names here.

You see Count Roshik, Count Athacor, Viscount Aberwithu, Count Codaplay, Lady Styx. Coldplay.
Cody play. That's one of our users.
No!

No!

We would never take suggestions for you. I'm not just reading off names that people have submitted.
Count Boriarty. Mike is just holding up a screen to Gus.

Count Polaris.

Count Philly Fanatique.

Count Noah Givenami.

And

I'm looking at

Count Zelli. Yeah, you're looking in.
They're all empty. Okay, but it's just a long list of uh counts and countesses and ladies, and all of the coffins are empty.

Can I add an addendum to me as I'm checking mine? Can I try to move each coffin a little bit, see if they move? Yeah, they all seem to give a little move.

None are fixated, no, and that is evidenced by the fact that Mincinos took one. I don't know if there's like one that was fixated, and that's the secret door.

Could I try lying inside of one and putting the lid back on? Yeah, you pick one at random. Or do you want to do your dad's or? Yeah, sure.
I'll do my dad's.

Yeah, you get in the count on broth one, lay down, close the door.

Take a short rest, Elga. Oh.

I would also like to lay into a coffin, please. Please.

Yeah, you get in the coffin, lay down, close the lid. Ah, get that short lid.
No. Oh, no.
No. Oh, no.
Not an ampire. Got it.
Got it. Doesn't work for you.

You sure? Elga, it's really relaxing. Elga, quick.

Turn chip into a vampire so you can get a short rest.

What are we not seeing here? Just columns. Hey, guys, really quick.
Can I see the module? Yeah, sure.

Is there something? Is there any hidden things on the floor?

Can I check around all the columns? Yeah, you make an investigation check. Because there's only one way in, one way out of this place that we're aware of, right? Yes.

So, like, we would have, if Eddie came in here, did something, and left, we would have passed him. Where, where was

nothing stands out, Teacher? Mincinos. Myconos.

Where was he at?

He he was along the southern row of coffins the fourth one from the entrance so when you enter the fourth one on the right can i go over there and do a little check to see if there's a reason why that particular area he was knocked out well because he was just in here i don't know yeah so you're gonna you're gonna poke around there uh make a investigation check 19.

You'd look around and nothing seems out of the ordinary other than like the drag marks leading away from this coffin.

Shall we just leave? I feel defeated. Wait, wait, wait.
Maybe. Do I can I like

Chris? Screw you. No, wait.
Sorry, sorry. I just had a thought.
I know. We know you know,

I know you're trying to direct the black bolt above your head blinded everyone in the room. Was uh, was there a possibility that uh, you know, uh, Massimo there was shape-shifting?

Like, maybe that was Eddie in disguise? Oh.

Or the coffin that he drug away could have had Eddie in it. Ah, crud.
But we did look inside, did we not? No, we didn't. No.
Poop. Ah, crud.
Okay. Chase that battler.
I should probably leave, huh?

Yeah, we exit. Okay, yeah.
Should we follow the drag marks? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, it's drag marks in here because it's dirt.
And then once you get into the hallway, it's a stone floor again.

And the dirt continues for a little bit, but then it stops. Where does it go? Just because, like, just like, because there's no more dirt.
Like, no.

You moved on to stone. You're lost in the vampire again.
Four more episodes.

But we can go back to the triangle room, right? Yeah, I mean, you come back to, essentially, to the back of the secret door that you all had had run through. I kissed the maw.

Well, the maws on the other side. You're on the back on the inside.
Could I go to Stinker and go? Stinker, the person who was just here,

his name was Roshik. She sniffed, sniff him out.
And then let's see.

No, isn't it?

Mozzarella.

Mincinot dose. Yeah.
Sorry, wrong. I wrote the wrong name.
Mozzarella. Follow the smell of that person.
Everyone make me a perception check. Okay, Gus is trying to help us.
I rolled a one. Five.

Fifteen. Eleven.
Okay, while Barney is talking to Stinker, Elga, you hear voices talking to each other on the other side of the secret door. Do these guys have names? Should we give them names?

This is just for A2. Okay, okay.
This one's day, and this one's Vid. I heard someone cut off Count Roshik's hand and then broke into the sepulcher.
You haven't seen anyone around here, have you?

And then the voices fade off. That was useful.
And he's something about the sepulcher. Yeah.
Yeah. Which was the thing that Elga's dad helped build.
Silverned. Silverney.
The Silver and the Sepulcher.

What is it?

Do you all know what a Sepulchre is? I don't.

What part of Warcraft is it? Yeah, it's in World of Warcraft. If you ever played an undead character, it's your starting area.

Because it's like a tomb. It's a small room or monument cut in rock or built of stone in which a dead person is later buried.

Okay, if I I remember correctly, if we go northeast from there, we'll get to Undercity.

I think Under City is west of the Sepulchre.

But then we can take the Zeppelin. The Zeppelin is right by.
Yeah, right between the two. Is the place we are just in the sepulcher? Yes, you would think so.
Okay.

How did things work out with Stinker? Was it the other little choice? Because he's got keen smell. Have him...

Or not him. Barney, you roll me an investigation check, I guess.
I'm asking

because Stinker has advantage on perception checks with smell. So okay, yeah, do that then.
I also looked up Silvern, and it just says things that are silver. I'm like, cool, thank you.

That was a 20.

That might have been with my modifier. Sorry, perception minus plus five.
Let me see what his is. Well, you're old and natural 18.
That's still pretty good.

Stinker starts, you know, walking around in a circle, then, you know, he finds, it seems like he follows a straight line back into the sepulchre where you came from, and then comes back out to you, and then he walks around in a circle circle and sits down.

Your dog's broken.

I mean, he did go in there. Is there a trap door around here? Do I sit down? Oh, the dog.
Oh, but he came back. He came back.
But can we look around for any trap doors in the area?

Make an investigation check. Can I trace this? Yeah, go for it.
I thought we already kind of looked for those. This is in the hallway.

Yeah, you're in the hallway now, like directly behind the secret door. I have a four, but 21.
Nice. No, you don't find any secret doors.

The only secret door is the one that you know of that you came through in order to be in this hallway. Hmm.
I hold up the card they give you when you need a clue in the escape room.

Well, should we just maybe leave out of this place? I mean, it was so hard getting in here, you know. So it's like, I feel like there's something, right? Oh, yeah, we should.

Yes, we should totally leave and leave the sepulchre and head to somewhere else. And Mate makes a stomping sound on the ground that then diminishes in sound as they go a little bit quieter.

Ah, shoot, I guess we couldn't find whatever was in here. Maybe next time.
Much too smart for us. We are going to his door.
At the sale, at the same time.

Hey, you guys want to go get cheeseburgers?

Make a performance check, Matit. Four.
Yeah. Can I assist? Yeah, you can perform.
This is a theater troop, Chip Haney. Ah, it's a 10.
I didn't warm up. I didn't do zip-zap zop.
I did a 14. Yeah.

Barney's just confused.

Why are they all leaving you, Barney? You guys say you're leaving, but you're not going anywhere. What's going on? Yeah.
You all give it your best shot as you try to make it seem like you're leaving.

Matit goes through the secret door back into the triangle. Okay, make me a perception check.
14.

You go back out into the triangle, and when you turn around and look at the sculpture of the fanged maw, you notice red bloodstains on the fangs. That's what he touched the hand with, right? Yes.

There's that fresher blood. Could you ask if it's like coming out of the fangs? Oh, is it on top of it or oozing from it? On top of it.
On top of it.

And in fact, as you're looking at it, you see etched into the back of the mouth is the word sepulcher. Okay, cool.

All right, there's a bunch of doors in the triangle room, so we can at least start looking through those. Is there an opposite paw on the other side? Well, you're still in the secret room.

I'll step out to join me. I guess I'll join the chip.
Yeah, you find the latch chip since you have a good role finding the door. You find the release to reopen the secret door from the inside.
Okay.

You all, you know, exit the sepulcher back into the central room of the Fink Pic. More like suck pulker.
Got a bummer in there, man.

Since we've decided that Mateed has blood, Mateed pricks their hand on the thing.

You prick your finger on it, and nothing seems to happen. You do take a little bit of damage, though, since it draws blood.
Are you going to be okay?

Yeah, I got a lot back because we got a short rate. Four points of damage.
Dang! How much did I put my finger on this thing?

You slipped. You misjudged how sharp it was.
You thought since it would be like a regular stone thing, you have to push really hard.

You would cut your finger on a D4 as well, which is what Gus called.

true.

Could Elga try? Yeah. Careful.
It's very sharp. That's okay.

Elga, you prick your finger, taking

two points of damage, and the fang sculpture rotates, revealing the passageway. Oh.

It's gonna be vampire blood. That's why they cut off that guy's hand.
That's why Eddie had to use it. Okay, well, easy way to get back in the Fenito.
After a few seconds, the passageway closes again.

Okay, so if I look towards the southwest part of the triangle, is there a door there? You said there's doors at each point. Yeah, you look over there and

there appears to be a door over there. And then the square chamber in the middle, I never got to check that door.
Yeah, in the center. No, there is a door there.
There's a lock.

There's a, I should say, there's an iron door there. Has it got a lock on it? It appears to be locked.
Curses. Can I lockpick it? Monsieur chip.
I need your assistance. Actually, I could try as well.

I have lockpicking materials as well. After you.
Okay, so now we'll try to lockpick. What do I do?

Right before they try to lockpick, Elga tries to smear the blood that pricked her finger on the door to see if that opens it. Oh, okay.
Just maybe the all doors open this way. Loom it up.

Okay, so you all went to the middle door, and Elga, you were gonna try to smear the blood from your pricked finger on it.

I'm gonna push my way in front of Mati before they lockpick, and I just see if that works. Yeah, you smear your blood on it, but it does not seem to have any effect on the door.

Okay, I guess it's a one-door thing.

Matib is after you.

What do I roll? Sleight of hand? Dexterity? Yeah, dexterity. You have thieves' tools, right? I do.
Yeah, let's make a dexterity check. That's an eight.

You try to pick the lock, but the lock picks break off. Mr.
Chip, I loosened it for you. Would you finish it? Wee-wee.
Or did you just jam it with your long-term?

No, I'm not going to be that mean about it.

If a one, a one might have. Chip goes up there, pulls out the broken pieces, smears the blood off,

and then rolls. I like the things like Chip pulls out his little reader glasses, puts them on.

D. Lucy, right.
He's got stethoscope. It's like the scene in Toy Story 2 where the guy is with Terra Woody.
Yeah. I love that scene.
Slighthand or Dex? Yeah, Dex Trek.

You don't want to do the Slayhand? No, I'm going to do a Dex Check. Yeah, you're right.
It would have been better. You better bite it, too.
Silly.

You did worse. You did worse.
It's on the body of the broken pieces.

Four.

I don't see a roll. Yeah, oh, it must have not have rolled, Errol.
Let me do it again now. I know the other dragon.
Wow, look at that, a 20.

Since we didn't break it, we can take another attempt. And we don't have a key on us, do we? We do.
Should we see if it works? Yes. Where did you get a key from? The painter dude.

The painter, but it opened. It already opened something.

It opened the door.

To that, like, religious room, right? Was it the divination room? It was like the album query. I think so.
Who had that key? I think I took it. Did I take it?

We kept it. Yeah, I just remember who had it.
Not that it doesn't, it doesn't necessarily have it. Same Elga has it.
Okay, we can figure that out.

Whoever wants it can just write it down. Does the key work? Yeah, you put the key in and turn it, and it pops the lock open.
Whoa! Wow. Baby dunks.
Okay. From downtown.
I have the key to the door.

And maybe every door in here. Apparently, security is not an issue in here.
Well, they're all hiding from you right now. They're playing racing.

All right, so you open the door? Open the door. Okay, and we walk in.

Yeah, yeah. At least Elga walks on.
I assume you guys are going to be awesome. I walked in.
I'm a good friend, Elga. Bernie, you'll tummy.
Yes. What? That was a wet yes.

So, yeah, you open up the door, and it's a vast triangular-shaped chapel that you see before you, carved out of red bloodstone with barbed columns and hanging braziers burning red-hot throughout.

No colonnades? No colonnades here. So nice and tough the alarm.
When you say triangle, is the room

overhead or like looking down, is it a triangle? It's like a smaller triangle within the larger triangle of the Fang Pic.

Is there a chamber in the middle of it that also has a door? Is not a triangle? That just gets smaller and smaller as we go? No, there is not. And then there's bras everywhere.

What do we yeah, bras here? What do we see in here? Like, other than that, like, is there any coffins? Is there any doors?

Well, where you are right now, you're in kind of what appears to be like a sort of ante-chamber with an ignis stone font of blood in the center.

And then to the north from here, there are three exits leading north to the main part of this chapel. And there are guard goils goils between the archways.
Jay Sutta. Oh my god, I hate you guys.

To the east and west are passages that lead to other rooms. I don't like this building.
I've been going in mazes for a while. I don't like this building.
A billion years.

I told you, I love the vampspire. It's so great.
I don't like this.

Remember when we were just gallivanting around Parish and enjoying ourselves? It was great. I want to be back on the train.
Train's nice.

Should we look into the font? Is there anything in there? Is it filled? Yes, it is. It has blood in it.
Could I go up to it and stick my face in? And say, Here is Tracula!

You all hear blurbled-gurble come out from it. Yeah, you say that, and

nothing seems to happen. His bow is broken.

Don't we have to talk to the guard goils? We convinced the last ones. Oh, I- Hey, hey there! Hey, it's me, Van Helsing.
Just... Passing through at ease.
You try to step through? I try to step through.

Yeah, you're able to cross into the next room.

And this is my merry band of friends. They are my guests and must pass safely.
Hello!

I'll go walk through. Okay.
Same. Barney does as well.
Okay. All good? Good day! All right.
Okay, peace be with you.

Whatever they say. Not mistake.
Bye. I've never been up here before.

So you all cross into this, you know, bigger room, and this is a long triangular hall with barbed columns, rows of pews, and stone coffins along the walls, and several red-hot braziers, and bloodstone tiles that run northward down the center of the room.

As you look around the room, you see a lot of Sferatu in here sitting on the benches.

Oh.

Guys, act cool. I dip my finger in the little blood font at the front and do a little cross.

The triangle,

triangle, upside-down triangle over my heart, and then I head and I sit down at one of the benches for service. Okay.
Yeah, are they praying in here?

Or like they're doing some type of religious service? They just seem to be sitting down staring straight ahead toward the northern part of the room.

You know how when you go to most churches, I mean, like, or places of worship, you can kind of tell what they're worshiping. There's a big naked dude on a cross or a big star of David, you know.

Yeah, I think that's actually a really good question and a really good point. If you don't have an inspiration, I go ahead and take one there, Chip.
Wee!

So, yeah, Chip's thinking about this. Chip is actually very in tune with religious ceremonies, it seems like.

Yeah, you look at the far northern end of the hall, and you see a raised dais with black seats arranged in a V, with a central large bloodstone throne at the peak.

Oh, my guess is that's where Dracula might visit. Perhaps, yeah, on the sides are guard goils, and near the steps leading up to the dais are silver chains fastened to the ground.

Silver? Oh, this might be like a judgment room. Oh, dear.
Oh, this is your daddy. Your daddy's a child.
Do I know this is the place to be the the judgment room or whatever it would be called?

Where they're gonna... This is the naughty room.
That's what they call it, right? Yeah, you've never been up here. It's not something you've dealt with in the past.

I'm gonna say you don't necessarily know that.

Okay. Can I sit down next to Sferatu? Sure, why not? Also, question.

So was it at this point when we heard that when Count von Brath's like trial or something would be, is that present like now or is that still a day away? It was going to be the next morning.

So it's not, we're not in the next morning yet. Correct.
Okay. You know, typically they have like a bailiff and sometimes in courthouses they have like a holding sale.
Sale. Maybe your papa is in one.

Maybe. So Mateed, you said you were going to sit down, right? Yeah.
You sit down on one of the benches. Make me

make me a perception check. Why not? 16.
Yeah, you sit down and, you know, in the bench or like in, there's like a little, how can you say it, like a little holder. We call them pews.

Well, you sit down on the, what is the equivalent of the pew? But like in front of you on the back side of the bench in front of you, there's like a little box. There's a hymnal.

Is that that's what it's called? Like the equivalent of a hymnal. Well, the hymnal.
The hymnal,

you know, where you put the hymnals in that little container of the book.

They got a little shelf. They got a little envelope.

They got a little pencil for you to put in. A little brochure.
Yeah, you see some like accessories you assume are used for prayer.

Like there's a talisman and some decorations of flowers that appear to be nocturnal in nature. Night flowers.
I

take one of the talismans and I start saying a nice little prayer. How does it go? Dear Tracula.

It's me. How are you doing?

I'm fine. Cool chip from Carol.

I hope you get lots of blood in your body today.

And I miss you. Where have you been?

PS. Oh, this...
tower sucks, but

you guys should have gotten somebody else to build this dumb place. PSS.
Just kidding. It's beautiful.
I love it. We should hang out.
Amen. Amen.
Wow, it's a beautiful. Thank you for your words.

This is a very private thing for me. Okay, please do not listen to my prayers.
I couldn't help it. So quiet.

Speaking of it being quiet, the Svirato you're sitting next to just kind of slowly turns and looks at you

watches you say this nonsensical prayer then just kind of turns back to face and then gushes on a swivel chair so when he does it it's very weird looking.

Dude, I turned that Svarata. I go, Do you want to share my amno with me?

I'll take the low harmony, you take the high.

Could I go up to one of them and be like, hi, I'm so sorry to interrupt your time, your personal time.

But do you know if they keep any, like, people who are supposed to go on trial down here anywhere, or where they would be

just in the Sylvern. Harmony again, or that might be.

That's not an answer. Are we not just in the Sylvern? No, we are in the

Sepulchre. Oh, you're right.
But there's silver at the front. The sepulcher.
Where the silver chains, right? The Sylverne is the location. Oh, oh, sorry.

Yeah, that's one of the locations that Count von Broth helped to build. Yeah.
And where is that? Don't tell me the shush again.

Go outside. To the right.
Okay, thank you. It's the southwest door.
Okay.

Before we leave, can Barney take a look around and see if there's anything like anything of note in this area that could be later used for like combat advantages, like hiding places or I don't know, just anything.

Just study the room. Yeah, I mean there's

these pews. There's the stone coffins along the wall.
There are some barbed columns. Pile of red explosives barrels.

These are all things that you think you could potentially hide behind. I don't know if there's necessarily anything you could use for combat purposes per se.
Gotcha. Okay.

And the handcuffs, the silver things, there's silver

chains and handcuffs at the front by the throne. Yeah, they're fastened to the ground.
And how did they lock? And are there keys anywhere? Are you going to walk up there and look at you?

I don't think you'd be able to tell that from a distance. Yeah, I guess if I can't see it, then I'll stick back with the group.
In some lands, they call those friendship bracelets.

That's a faraway land

from a mystical time.

Well, gang, should we go back out and to the right? Yeah, we should go back out and to the right, because I think that's where that's where the silvern is. Do the silvern!

I turn to my friend and I go, uh, excuse me, I'm gonna go take my tithes to the box. Do you want me to take gears for you? If you wanna give me your emo pieces right now, I could take them for you.

I love this. Uh, make a deception check.
Yes.

That's a nineteen.

Looks like someone's getting some hemo pieces. The Spiratu reaches into its pocket and uh hands you three hemo pieces.
Really? That's it?

That's all you're going to do for our great and hellish father, Dracula? Turns and looks at you again.

All right, you know, this is just your eternal souls that I'm trying to help out, okay? Dracula be with you.

Alright, so you all head back to the south, back through the arches where you entered, and all four of you make me perception checks again. I hope I see that guy at the potluck later.

10, 12. 20.
16.

Barney and Chip, as you all are walking out, you realize that in addition to the room you went to to the north, there is also a room to the west and the east in this bigger room that you're in.

Oh my god. Just throwing it out there.
Just a reminder. I point that out.
I know that we're heading to the Sylvern, but there's also those two rooms that we might have overlooked.

Because you said there's three exits. Well, there were three arches you went through to the north.
Yeah. To go from like the kind of like the antechamber.

But then from that antechamber, there was also like a passage to the west west and a passage to the east. Let's knock them out.

This is one of those situations where I'm like, I know we don't have like physical maps and things to look at while we're playing, but I'm like, man, I wish we had. Because I'm so confused.

Just in case what he was pointing was not what we think it is, let's go west. Okay.
Because that would be turn right. And we'll follow.
Correct. You walk through there.

It's an archway, and when you walk through the archway, you enter a steamy room with ornately tiled floors.

In the center are two wooden benches running northward in parallel, meeting a partition running perpendicular. Beyond the partition is a bubbling pool of hot blood.
Are we in a sauna?

Something seems like a sauna.

I don't know what this is. Are there Sferatus with towels around their waist sitting on the banks?

What's like the evil version of a sauna? Asina? A nana? Aspana? Yeah, there's a couple of Sferatu sitting on the benches in here. Are they? I sit next to one.
Relaxing?

It doesn't seem like they're relaxing. They're very much like at attention, looking forward at the bubbling pool of of blood.
I turned to one and I say, TGIF, am I right?

Matita's so relaxed. Yeah, so just relaxed confidence that Matita has now.
Stakes couldn't be lower for when you die. You know, it's not a really big deal, the rest of it.
TGIF.

Yeah, you get no response. Okay.
Hey, just out of curiosity. Is this the cell phone?

The Sfratu looks at you and just shakes its head. Oh, okay.
Oh,

what are you doing here?

That's really funny. Uh, for TGIF, uh, microwrote, thank goodness it's Fing Pic.

Um,

so you ask one of the Sfratu what they're doing here? I wonder what they do in here. Oh, what they do in here.
It leans over and whispers. Baptismal.
Okay, good to know. Got to know.

Anyways, because I'm good outside. It says

okay. There's a steamy pool of blood.
And baptismal? For turning people into vampires. Can I detect if there's anyone in the bubbling water? Make a

know investigation check, I guess. Oh, that's where it lies.
Dirty 20.

You don't think there's anyone in the blood based on how it's bubbling, but as you're looking around, you do find a ripped page underneath one of the benches. We found a book with a missing page.

Did it? Yeah, can you tell if it's from the same book? Yeah. You had it.
It was your sister's book. Yeah, could I guess you want to hand it to me and I'll show you? Sure.

Yeah, this page seems to be written in an ancient form of Vanian with strange symbols and diagrams, including teeth, stars, moons, and more. Oh, and there was weird symbols on the one that you had.

Yeah. So what I gather that this is the page missing.
It seems very similar.

You know, way, way, way earlier in the series in the library, I feel like we found like constellations and stars and all that stuff. So

it wasn't like, it wasn't like symbols, like teeth and it was like a globe, right? Right.

When you rode in that room into Carcassouk, did you think we were going to think there was so much going on in that room? Because we have referenced that room so much.

It was an important room.

There was a lot going on.

Cool. So I'll take that page.

I wonder what it's doing in here. That's weird.
It went all the way from our apartment down there, all the way into this random level room. It's very odd.

Maybe ask the Vlad, or whatever they're called, if they can read it. Do you not know what they're called?

What are they called? Don't don't anyone help him. I can get this.
You could do it. It's a word you have trouble pronouncing.
Don't help me. That doesn't help.
That doesn't narrow it down.

It's a Phoenix.

What are they they called? Seferatu. Yay!

There you go. I'm really disappointed how long that took.
I'm really kind of sad.

Okay. I don't know if I should ask one of them, because they might want to take it from me.
Yeah, it might be Intel if they want. We know it's probably either your papa or Elina.
Maybe.

Or someone else. But we should just hold on to it in the meantime.
We can read it later. And I don't understand it, do I? No, this is a really old form of anium.
Okay. So shall we move along? Yeah.

Yeah. I turned this for a two and I go, hey, I'm about to head back in the chapel.
Do you want me to take your tithe for you and put it in there for me?

I know you look so comfortable. I'm gonna let you stay here, but you know what? Two birds, one tithe.
Make a deception.

One bird.

Oh, that's a 20. Dirty 20.
It looks at you and then kind of like taps around at its pockets and then just kind of like puts open empty palms up. That's okay.
I'll get you on the flip side. It nods.

Get you on the flip side. Okay, guys, let's go.
I'll live here. We are leaving the sauna.
Okay, so you all walk out of the baptismal? Let's go to the east store just to knock them all out.

It's a track.

Okay. Maybe it's like a snack bar.
Oh, oh, like, well, you know what, the public pools, and they had like the fun dip and the. Speaking of pools, are you going to take a dip in the bubbling hot blood?

I might take a dive. He's heat resistant.

I'll be fine. You would get baptized.
No, I did not want to do that. Make me a religion check, Chip, since you are, since I commented on how religiously inclined you are.
Aw, that is a three.

Okay, never mind. I'll do an inspiration box.
Oh, really? Should I do it? Yeah.

We don't know the significance. Could be very important.
Oh, I'm sure this is going to be worth it.

Six.

What about me? Mateet's really been showing a lot of religiosity. Yeah, if you're interested, go for it.
I am interested. All those tithe collections.
15. Oh, 15.

As you all are walking out of the baptismal, you know, you're looking around Mate,

and you notice that, you know, built into the walls are tiled mosaics that depict some sort of ritual.

It seems like immersion in the intense heat of the blood leads to a purification, and for some, rebirth. I don't want to be reborn.
Okay. Purification? Mm-hmm.
And rebirth. Rebirth.
It doesn't.

It's good. I love being a ghost.
It's fantastic. So you said it's like mosaic, like...
Yeah, tiled mosaics. So does it look like, do we recognize the figure that comes out of the bath?

Is it like a Sfratu or a vampire? I mean, you can't really tell anything specific about them. It just seems like it's all different kinds of creatures.

But there's nothing making them look physically different from when they went in to when they come out.

In the mosaic and in the tiling, it just seems like they have like a light or an aura about them when they come out. A light? Like they're illuminated.

Maybe it's HP. Give it a shot.
Or this is what happened to my family and why they don't remember me. Maybe.

No, I think it's because they were bit by a vampire and were forced to become battlers and slaves and forgot all their memories. I think that's what we learned previously.

Or they just don't like Barney and they're pretending. According to the scientific method, we should experiment.
Can I go up and can I dip my tail in? Let's see what that does.

I'm gonna have a verb your tail. You're gonna dip your tail into the bubbling pool of hockey.
If I know anything about baptism, all you gotta do is put a cheek in.

It counts.

Okay, yeah, you walk up to it. And like I said, they're just describing the room again.
There's just two benches that are facing the partition, which is like perpendicular.

And then on the other side of the partition is that bubbling pool of hot blood. So yeah, you walk up to it and dip your tail in.
He's just checking the water. Yeah, just seeing.

It's like dipping a toe in. I mean, I'm resistant to a lot of nerve endings on the tail.
That's what I'm looking up. It's fire resistance, right? Fire resistance.
Yeah, but what causes boiling? Fire.

So fire resistance covers like boiling water? Uh,

yeah, of course. If I recall my DD correctly, yeah,

don't think it does. Call professional DD player friends? Yes, yes, absolutely.
I don't think that's the case. If something was boiling and caused damage, what's the kind of damage it would do?

Heat, not fire. Oh, heat is a Dungeons and Dragons damage? Yeah.
Oh, cool. That's fun.
Semantics. I made that up.
Micah, step in here, please. So it would be fire damage.
I don't know.

I'm guessing, but I'm guessing no. Okay.
Well, he puts tail. I still put tail in.

You put your tail in, and... The tail he used to have.

You know, it's

just comes back nothing. Unbelievably hot.

And when you dip it in and then pull it out, it goes from a normal room temperature to an incredibly hot temperature to then what feels like incredibly cold because it's back out in room temperature.

And you take seven points of damage from dipping your tail in. That was really stupid of me.

And nothing else changed, right? Did it come out glowing or no? It does not seem like it's affected at all.

Do I think that if I were to jump into this cannonball style, would I live? I'll do it. No.
I'll do it. No, no.

What's the worst that could happen to me? You'd die again. No, who cares? I knew.
You're my friend.

I can't lose another friend. I have advantage on Death Saving Throws.

So what was your question? If you took a cannonball, if you'd come out okay? Yeah, yeah.

Make me.

This was just your tail, and this happened to you. make me an arcana check.
I'm gonna do one too. I'm curious now.

Okay fifteen twenty-one so the two of you know look at it one you think that that might hurt you enough to kill you

Two as you're looking around at it and you know you're looking at the steam and everything you see that scrawled on the ceiling in blood are strange glyphs and candle wax laid out in a triangle.

Okay, you can sense that there's divination, necromancy, and transmutation magic. Okay, I go talk to my friend Bonjour again.
I don't have any emotes. That's okay.
Hey, you know what? It's fine.

I'll talk to the big guys myself and I'll let him know you were going to give something. If I wanted to use the very special pool over there to cleanse myself, do you know any sort of

operations I would need to do beforehand? Like with these divinations or the candles or anything like that? You need to follow the ritual.

Okay, if I don't speak what that is, can I speak what that is? Can you what? Like, can I read whatever this is that's on the ceiling? Whoa, oh, oh. Uh, no, it's uh, it's unknown glyphs to you.

Okay, how about for Chip? No, sir. Do you happen to know how to follow the Rosa steps? We are interested.
No, you don't know? Why are you acting like you know what this place is?

You're just staring at it deeply.

What's the

who operates the ritual usually?

Is this like you put a bad guy in and then he turns out to be a fun guy? Like, what happens? I see the glyphs on the wall.

I'm just trying to find the context clue when does the ritual start yeah are we also are we whispering are we talking to room toe uh but he's he's whispering I'm whispering toe whispering toe rebirth rebirth okay like into like a drag into like a vampire or what the people get rebirth does a beautiful okay okay so say I had a dead wife

When does the ritual happen? We want to, you know, set our alarms and stuff to make sure we're here. Yeah.
Tomorrow. Oh, okay.
Okay, what time? Yeah, they're okay.

They're dugging your dad in that thing, and he's going to change. I don't know.

That's 100% what's going to happen.

Papa. Yeah, let's go to the East Room.
Everybody okay with that? Really quick?

I slipped and my tail went into the water. Mr.
Shiratu, can you kiss my boo-boo? Do you have any healing potions? That I stick my tail up to his body. I thought you meant you put it in again.

And I was like,

he looks offended and kind of slaps your tail away. Ow.
It already burns. Okay.
Alright, I'll leave. Okay, I'll miss you.
Bye-bye.

I didn't even kiss this. Blaine did.
No, those were your noises.

Before we get Barney, someone who's become a battler, is there any way of reversing that process? He furrows his brow and looks at you. Ask me for a friend.
Why would you ask that?

That's not possible. I'm just doing some research.
He likes turns over and starts whispering to the other Spiratu on the other side of him. Anyway, I'll go now.

They both turn and look at you now.

Have a good day. The heat is on, not just on my tail.
All right, let's let's get up. Yeah, we leave.
Okay, you leave. We go to the east room.
Close the door behind us.

You enter the archway into the east room, and you enter a room smelling of coppery incense with glowing red tiles.

To the west is a wardrobe, to the northeast and northwest are tapped barrels, and to the north is a stone altar with a large golden goblet atop of it. I wonder what's in the goblet.
The dress.

Yeah, there's like clothes? Their wardrobe. Yeah, wardrobe.
Oh, maybe there's some like official garbage there. Could I

go look at the wardrobe? Yeah, you open it up and take a look inside, and inside are shelves of red robes, like the ones that the Sferat 2 wear. But one shelf appears to be empty.
Oh, it's Eddie.

He took one.

How'd they get in here? Just completely unnoticed. Do we acted like a Shirat 2? You acted like that's a good idea.
There's a goblet on the altar. Altar.
Yeah,

in the north. Yeah.
But yeah, I don't know. Should we take...
take should you guys take robes? That might be smart. I'll take a red robe.
I'll put on one. Okay.
Barney will put on one and then take.

Can he? Is there room for him to take some extras for his family? Yeah, sure. There's two extras.
Okay, and Barney, remember, you are pretending to be

Phoenix.

So close. Very good.
Very good. Okay.
Barney, now give me your best Feratu impression and go.

So good. Wow.

I'm Kenny Valley.

I go to the goblet. Okay, yeah, you walk up to it and take a look, and it seems like there's a red liquid residue left inside the bottom of the goblet.
I wonder what it is. Maybe it was recently used.

Oh, man.

Elka, you could drink this if you wanted. It could be a nice snack.
Could I tell if it's blood if I go over and look at it? Yeah, oh, it definitely is. And there's those

whatever barrels that

are cat barrels. Would one gather that that is where they got the liquid from in this goblet? Oh, yeah, you can smell it, Elka.
Okay. You know it.
Huh, I wonder.

Can I look at the goblet and see if it, like, has any markings on it or symbols?

Probably some sort of communion. Yeah, make me a religion check, Elka.
Okay.

19.

It seems to you like this is a room where acolytes or priests prepare for a service and where, you know, obviously like vestiments and various symbols of worship are kept.

So they're going to get ready in here, and then they're going to judge your daddy over there, and then they're going to kill him over there.

Okay, okay, let's not go so far.

Very good. Okay, well, I don't think there's really anything of note in this room.
You don't want to drink?

I don't know if that's going to do something to me.

It's one of the barrels. Can I open one of the barrels? Like a top of it? It's got like a stopper in it.
You could take, like, take the stopper out.

If I took the stopper out, would it start bleeding out?

No, it's on the top side. Okay, can I take the stopper out? How big is the stopper? I mean, it's pretty big, maybe half the size of a fist.
I put a mort apple in it. What's that?

Is that one of the

things he goes? Yes! John! Yes!

What is it? The mort apple was one of the things that we got from the shop outside, and it makes someone feign death.

Somebody poison the water hole!

I end up with a

two of them. You said there's two barrels? Yeah.
I put one in each. Okay.

That was choice. I know you don't like physical touch,

But like, will the apple seep into the blood?

It's for science. Yeah, they're gonna go bobbing for it later.
The scientific method. Scientific method.
I love learning about these cultures. Let's add to the Sylvern.

Or what we think might be the Sylvern.

Or what we think might be the entrance to the Sylvern. Should be out to the right of that original room we are in.
Yes. So it's down in the southwest corner of the triangle.
Get that hand ready, Elga.

You all, you know, head over to the Sylvern,

and you see a door. Or what you presume is the Sylvern, and there's a door in this triangular area.
Is it open? Yeah, you try it, and it appears to be unlocked. Oh, okay.
Okay, gang.

My dad might be in here, and he's a nice guy, so I wouldn't worry about anything with him. Oh, I can't wait to meet him, the big fella, the real deal.
Yeah, Mr. Von Branf.
Count.

Sorry. He went to school for it.

He's a legal count.

Cool. We open the door.
Yeah, go inside. You open the door, and you see a cold black stone holding area that appears to be guarded by a few Sferatu.

There's blood-stained floors, dangling, lustrous manacles overhead, a table of tools, and a glowing coffin in the back. Oh, can I try something out? Go for it.
Alrighty, boys. Shift change.

We got this one covered. I back up Chip on this and we walk over.
Okay, yeah, the two of you make a deception check. 17.
Oh, not 20. 24.
Shift change. It's a little early.

We're not supposed to be relieved until we deliver Count von Braath for judgment. Oh no.
Dracula said we want to be on the tip-top shape.

All the guards are well rested and prepared for whatever Count von Brath does here. You talk to Count Dracula?

Stop lying more after you've already gotten a deception check. That's good.
Ah!

Hey, I just heard it from the top. You know, you know how orders are.
So you heard it from Count Dracula? I uh I go

i go hey hey you know it's getting late in the day and i pass i toss them two hemo pieces and i say hey two drinks on me yeah go on down to the club they got what was that dj's name oh yeah i'll give you huge kudos if you can remember that come on come on guys from which club the one that that chip and barney went to the rave come on oh the one time i wish i did note dj jonk i don't i didn't write it i i i at least know of the club what was that place called again what was the club called Go on, Barney.

There was an arm.

Like a...

I don't know. It would really help you guys if you could remember the DJ name or the name of the place.
They're staring at me. Can I do like a history check?

They're intently trying to remember. Do you want to give me a hint or anything like that? I didn't go.
If you make a wisdom check, I'll let you try to remember.

I didn't write anything down because I wasn't there. Okay.
It's 11. 16.
With the 16, I'll let you remember it's the vampire.

Vampire. Yeah.
You boys take a load off. Go on down to the vampire.
They kind of look at each other, look at you, look at the hemo pieces in their hand, they shrug and walk out.

Boots and cats and boots and cats in the city. Working harder, hardly working.

Also, Elgo was hiding behind them the whole time. So you got it.
Yeah. Cool.
Yeah, so you are in this room now and they're gone. I kind of love being a rogue.
This is great.

There's a cell, a silver...

Sorry, and then there was like instruments nearby, like torture instruments. Yeah, so I'll reread the description just so you know.
It's a cold black stone holding area guarded by Sferati.

Well, not anymore, with blood-stained floors, dangling, lustrous manacles overhead, a table of tools, and a glowing coffin in the back. There's a glowing coffin.
That could be that glowing coffin.

Could Barney check out the tools that are nearby? Yeah, you take a look, and on the table are various silver tools. Hammer, nails, stakes, saw, links of chain.

Could I take them and hand them out to everyone?

Sure. That's not a bad idea.
Yeah, this is probably torture stuff. I'll take a steak.
I'll take a let's do a Phillips head screwdriver.

Got any

clamps over there? Any vice pranks? Yeah,

what should we add as far as sharing that? I guess I can't give it to you.

Now, are these Milwaukee or are these

like Ryobi?

Now you're saying words I don't know. Those are brands for tools.
Yeah, I'm gay.

They're Milwaukee. Oh, good stuff.
Good stuff.

I'll take something.

I mean, take your pick. Hammer, nail, stakes, saw, chain.
I'll take the saw. I'll take

it. Some stakes and a chain.
Okay. I'm okay.
I'll take any sort of knife-like instruments. Yeah, we'll say there's like a small carving knife.
Elga, do you want to go check out that coffin?

Well, do I? Is there like, you said there's a... In the back of the room.
Is it blocked by anything? No, just the tables between you and that coffin.

Yeah, could I go up to the coffin and take a look at it? Yeah, you go up to it and as you get closer and closer to it, it just makes you really tired, Elga. Oh, could I manage to open it?

Yeah, you try to open it up, but it appears to be at the head of the coffin, there's like a small trap door that's locked. Trap door? Like a little sliding door.
Oh, could I try to use the key on it?

Yeah, you use the key and it opens up the door and it slides open. Really? So good.
Good thing we found this key, huh? Good thing you remembered you had it.

Uh, okay, so I unlock it. Yeah, you uh unlock it, open it up, and look inside, and you can see it's your father, Count von Braath.
Papa! Belga, you've returned! What? Are you okay?

Oh, I wish I wasn't in this coffin, but there's nothing we can do about this right now. Here, let let me help you out of it.
Yeah, it's it's still kind of stuck. He can't get out of it?

Like, he he's physically trapped in the coffin? Yeah, it's uh like what you opened was only just big enough to see. You can see his face, right?

Oh, no! We gotta see this thing through. Is there anything like

bindings that are keeping it from opening all the way? You can't see any from the outside.

I should say, you can't see any. No.
Is it... Does it seem to be like magic is kind of keeping this thing closed?

Uh, make an arcana check. I rolled a 16.
I'm checking too.

17. Don't need to help.
Elga, so magic. I have plus zero to my arcana.
Yeah, it seems like there must be some kind of arcane energy helping to seal this. Okay.

Um, but Pat, do you know

But I'm afraid my options are limited. You see, I feel Count Dracula's judgment has been compromised.
He hasn't been himself lately.

He has barely left his home in the last few years, and I fear he has taken to the bottle. Therefore, I hesitate to even ask.

Would you be willing to testify on my behalf?

Simply bear witness to my character that my intentions were not malevolent, but letting you leave the vampire was purely to let you grow into who you were meant to be. Yeah, of course, Papa.

I'll defend you with my life. Can I come up? Can Chip come up?

That's why you were giggling over here. You just want to meet dad.
Also, this is my friend Chip. Hey, there, pleasure to meet you, Chipaney.

He sticks his arm through the hole to shake Count Bonbrass's hand. I will be your lawyer, sir.
I will represent you.

A pleasure, chip.

Elga, is this a friend of yours? Oh, yes, he's a very good friend. You could trust him.

But what when you say that Dracula has been kind of like making weird decisions and compromised, you think it's just be like, does he seem to be controlled by something or someone? I don't know.

Maybe.

It seems like there must be something influencing him because the decisions he's been making lately are

not in his nature. Oh, he hurt.
What would the vibe be if we were to publicly call that out in court? I would need some kind of evidence. Oh, yeah.
Perhaps you can inspect the belfry to find some.

That's the belfry. Belfry is the letter place, I think.
Right? That was the aviary. Ah, you're right.
What's a belfry? A belfry is usually like a um like at the peak of a building where the bells are.

Ah, what's it ill your other daughter? Is this another friend of yours, Elga? Um, I use that term loosely for Barney.

Oh,

okay.

He's one of those, right?

Maybe. He wants to know why Vina's been acting so weird.
Do you know what's up with her? She's also been acting very strange lately.

Not like Dracula, of course, but she seems to be very focused in ancient Vanian history.

Speaking of, can you read this? And like, gets Elga to... Who picked up the piece of paper that was torn?

yeah i guess i pick up the paper that i have and i like show it to him through the little hole that's ancient vanian i don't know how to read that also were you home when our house was ransacked because i came back in and there was a mess our house was ransacked they're probably looking for evidence against me

mr. count von brath this is your lawyer uh do you I'm represented by the Soya Lawyer Law Firm.

A great firm, very trustworthy.

Do you recognize recognize the organization known as Sheath? Does that ring a bell? Sheath. Yeah.

No, that doesn't ring a bell. Hmm.
How about Carol? Do you know any of Carol's? No.

Like a song?

Nope. Well, how do we get you out of here, Papa? Don't worry if you speak on my behalf at the tribunal.
I'm sure I will be fine.

Tomorrow, so we have time to go find some evidence. You gotta go to the Belfry.
It's hard to find evidence to prove innocence. Well, it could be to prove that Dracula is not of sound mind.

Mr. Count von Brath, is there anything that we can get you in the meantime? I'm sure you're not being treated the best.
I can manage. I have the strength to bear this burden.

Do you know where Dracula might be or what's the easiest way to get to him? He's most likely in the belfry. His quarters are past there.
So when we... A quick question to you, Gus.

We went to the aviary, and you had described that as being like the peak of this building. It went up through to the peak.

It There was like a long, almost like a big chimney, I would say, that went up. Okay, so then when she went flying out, would she have seen the belfry? Yeah, why not? Okay, so it is

above the aviary. Yes, yeah, because you all are on the thing pick.
Is uh Bonjour. My name is Mattid.
I'm not.

This is another friend, yes. Yes.
Then that's it. No mind.
No one else out there. There he's like peeking around, trying to look through the window.

And this is my kitty Gigi, also a friend. He's stinker.

A pleasure all around. Monsieur Baron.
Van Brath. Van Br-Van Br-m-Baron.
My brain's in a different world. Von Brath.
Von Brath. The Belfry.

Is there a specific way in order to access the Belfry? We're kind of getting lost around your wonderfully architecturally designed building. The craftsmanship is out of this world.

It's as confusing as heck, brother.

That's by design. Yeah, how do we get to the Belfry? It's at the northern end of the Fangpic.

Okay, that's I'm so glad I asked you. If the trial goes poorly, what happens? To you? Judgment will be passed against me, and it varies depending upon the judgment.

Do they are they going to murder you? We won't allow it to get to that. What about that boiling blood water? Would that be a possibility? No, that's a different ritual.
For what? Baptism. For what?

For purifying and potentially giving rebirth to lost souls. I don't want to hog up time with Count Von Brath, but I do want to do like, what is the vibe? Do you like dad? Do we like dad? Yeah.

What about he and his wife, Countess von Brath? Oh, by the way, Papa, do you know that mother has returned? She's returned? Yeah.

That's unexpected. She's here in the fam spire.
Yes. I felt an immovable wedge had been driven between your mother and me.

If it were up to me, we would try to work on our relationship, but she would have none of it. I'm surprised to hear she's back here.
Yeah, I don't really know why she came back now.

Do you think she has some sort of ill intent against you, sir? Well, I can only hope it wasn't her that turned me over to the Stratu. She left Vanya just like Elga.
Huh. But she's not the vampire.

But living in the vampspire, she's bound to certain edicts. Gotcha.
Who's the last person that was baptized? I normally don't go to those ceremonies. How often are they performed? As need arises,

are butler-battlers given to performance? My goodness, no.

Are they reserved for like the higher-ups in Vamp Spire society? Absolutely. I see.
Only those who are called may go through the ritual. Yeah.
Do you remember when Elga's baptism was?

She has not experienced that. Oh, okay.
Have you? No.

I guess, like, Elga and her father do have a good relationship, right? Yeah, I think you've said that before, right? Yeah, I just want to make sure that that's, like, he's not trying to kill her.

Correct. I have a question.
The dream that I had whenever in my tiny hut on the mountainside, there was someone there with a red cape. Do I recognize that person, or is that Elga's dad there?

Make a wisdom check. Also, while he's doing that, what color hair does my dad have? He's blonde.
He's blonde? Yeah. Blonde.
Blonde. It's a 10.
Can I also recall if I had him in my dream?

I feel like it was.

So it's really fuzzy with you, Barney. Yeah.
Especially with that role. You're not sure.
There's no way to know one way or another.

You know, since you're not a vampire, lots of vampires appear to have the same features. I'm sorry, Blame.
Ho was your question? Did he appear in my dream?

I also had a dream, but I feel like it was...

No, it wasn't yours, Eddie. I think it was Eddie.
Yeah, it make me a... What did I have? Chris Roller Wisdom Check? Yeah, Roller Wisdom Check.
There was someone else at the door, though. Yeah,

it was Eddie. 13.

You don't think this was it, it, but it's again, it's very fuzzy. Mr.
Count von Braath, do you know the person named Eddie? Eddie? No, who is that? You are not in the know. Look where I am.

Yeah, you're true. And don't talk to my brother.
I'm sorry, Mr. Count von Brat.

The silver. Is there a way to like remove the silver surrounding him? What's the entire

coffin? Yeah. Gotcha.
As you're looking around trying to figure that out, everyone roll me a dexterity saving throw. 16.
18. 11.
I roll a 10. The whole ground starts shaking.

Mateed, you're able to keep your feet, but everyone else, you know, falls down onto their knees, onto the ground, as the whole building itself seems to experience a violent tremor, shaking the entire Vamp's fire.

The ceiling above you begins cracking, and debris starts falling, heading straight for all of you.

We have to find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Good thing I have my sneakers have lost stoles because I have this thing that tells me

what? Find out what that means and more

next week on Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Woo!

Thanks for listening, everybody. Thank you.

There are many ways little stinkers can support the show, commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us in Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth.

Stinkers like Sticky underscore Charles, Demonic Turtle, Trevioli 98, Watermelon, and Buggy52. Want to give a quick shout out to a couple of our friends that voiced NPCs in this episode.

Count von Brath, voiced by Trevor Collins, at underscore Trevor C. The Sferatu are voiced by David Sonye, at David underscore Sonye.
The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sonye.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I used to wear a chain wallet in high school. We don't doubt that.
No surprise. None of us know.

Do you see the lack of surprise in any of our

hold on? Wait.

Barbara,

it's helpful in mosh pits. Wash pits? Mosh pits.
Mosh pits. Or you're crowdsurfing? I feel like it's better.
At the punk show. Did Barney used to crowdsurf when he was younger? No.

Only time he got carried was when he had fallen over. Yeah.
But he does get carried away quite often.