C02 - Ep. 42 - Vengeance in Vainia - This Sferatu Be Good

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How do you do, all you dretches?

Bemoan your way into the stinky dragon, swallow our latest swill, chagrining from ear to ear.

It's a mixture of vanilla vice cream, micro-caved with bitalian blend espresso coffee.

One drip of this self-detesting drink is enough to shrink any stink that would make your heart sink.

Previously, our adventurers were communing at a convention, conveying communiques, when they encountered Countess von Broth.

After egressing to Elga's home, they engaged in a grim game with the Vena that left them evading unforeseen foes.

Grab a guzzler and let's get back to this gassy gauss.

Let's get back.

The narrator's a little more

wacky.

I like to think that when Micah writes these episodes and the intros, that the amount of time spent writing is like 10% episode, 90% intro of just like rhyming and alliteration.

There's a lot of it.

I like Bitalian Bland Espresso coffee.

That might be one of my favorites.

Yeah.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Gustavus Rola.

I'm the dungeon master of our Puget Party.

I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

Wee!

I missed me.

No, I got you.

Take 2d8 points of damage.

This week's role-playing warm-up question is, what's a hidden talent your character possesses?

Something they don't tell many people about?

And no, murder doesn't count.

I'm looking at you, Chip.

Oh, hey, oh,

calling you out, Mr.

Haney.

Or Count Haney.

Disengage.

I sneak.

I hide.

Count Haney.

Well, if you point me out, you know, first, then I'll go first.

Hey, there.

It's...

God, I always start with the character voice, and then I gotta say, it's me, Blaine Gibson.

Just do it all in your character voice.

Hey, it's me, Blaine Gibson.

Nope, that was weird.

That was really weird.

Yeah, it's strange.

It's me, Blaine Gibson.

I played Chip Haney.

He's a little tiefling rogue, level seven.

And oh, it's a talent that I don't like to show off to too many people, but I'm a bit of a master of impressions.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

You know, it does help with the killing, I'll be honest with you.

But, you know, sometimes when you're on the job, you gotta, you gotta act like you're someone you're not.

Oh, yeah.

So I can do, I can do, hey,

it.

Everyone did not get that from that.

Also good.

This is my favorite one.

Whoa, we have two Elga, two Barneys, and two Matins.

My thing, quadruple.

That makes no sense.

That's really good, Chip.

I had no idea you were such a

master of voice manipulation.

Oh, no, I practice, I got a lot of spare time on my hands now, not with my wife dead.

Oh, I'm gonna keep reminding you every episode, top the episode.

Carol dead, real bummer.

It's good to give us updates.

It's good to give up.

You went from missing wife to dead wife.

At least there's no questions about it anymore.

Yeah, Carol Watch.

Still dead.

I'll go next.

Okay, go for it, Elga.

Or Barbara?

Belga.

I am

Barbara Dunkelman.

And I play Elga Vambras, the half-elf female

vampire barbarian level seven.

That's correct.

John was looking at me as if I did not know what that was.

No, no, no.

I was just paying attention to my good friend Bimi Dunks.

And Elga actually has a lot.

of hidden talents because Elga has had a lot of time

just being at home inside not doing much.

Oh, Elga sounds like me.

Did Elga have to stay inside during COVID?

Is that what I'm I'm hearing for?

She didn't even know it was happening.

And Elga, so Elga can, she's really good at playing the piano.

She's really good at drawing and sketching and painting.

And also, Elga is really good at holding her breath for long periods of time.

Oh, really?

Does Elga have a record?

Does she keep track of that?

Yeah, six minutes and 72 seconds

and 72 seconds, which she means is seven minutes and 12 seconds.

Totally a real, a real number.

She started counting and then forgot to switch it to the next minute.

You were reaching the end and, you know,

your brain doesn't work as well, I guess.

It's a made-up world.

Time could be that minutes are like 84 seconds.

Yeah, why not, right?

Yeah, you know?

Yeah.

But then a short rest would change and a long rest would change.

Well, that's the meta side.

We're talking about actually in the world.

I live in the world.

I'm here.

Welcome to reality.

Christopher, do you want to play?

I'm Kristen Maris, and I play the cleric, human cleric, Barney Farney.

It cracks me up every time you say Barney Farney.

And Varney.

And I, uh, a lot of people don't know this about me, but I'm a bit of a, a bit of a jokester.

Oh.

Nope, we do not know that.

I haven't yet to learn that.

Knock, knock.

Oh, who's there?

Tank.

Tank who.

You're welcome.

Oh,

Barn.

Oh.

Knock, knock.

Oh, who's there?

Figs.

Figs who.

Figs the doorbell.

It's not Markina.

You got me.

Close his laptop.

Maria.

Google the knuck, knock, juck.

Close it.

Close the laptop.

Close the lid.

Who's there?

Cal says.

Cal says who?

No, Cal says whoo.

I saw that coming from a mile away.

But Tina can't breathe.

It's like when you're driving around, you got like a little kid in the back seat, and they've got your prisoner, and they're just like saying the lamest jokes.

That's when you do a break check.

Oh, no!

The one father at the table just for being able to watch.

Kids are resilient.

They'll be fun.

Oh, my God.

The dent will pop right out.

And they're all baby teeth.

Oh,

that's everybody.

No.

No, no, no, no.

We got one more.

What is your secret talent?

Bonjour, Jean Mapel, Jean-Reisinger, I play Mati Confisus, the Cochrane Ghost Monk.

And my hidden talent is that while I have enjoyed, you know, crafting and refining everything about my body and everything about baking,

I also have a love of music.

Oh.

And I actually have created seven dozen symphonies in my lifetime.

That's a lot.

How many?

Maybe Elga could play one on the piano since she plays piano.

Yeah, Mati, drop your mixtape.

This guy over here, he did some pretty good organ playings the other day, if I recall correctly.

He rolled like a nat 20.

Yeah.

What are, um, how can I phrase this?

Does uh, just since Chip is such a natural at the organ, does he have any favorite chords or keys that he likes to play?

Oh,

I can't pick just one favorite.

There would be just so good.

What if you just name a chord?

Yeah, what if I did that?

I bet you, I, I genuinely, I'm not messing with you playing.

I bet you you could stumble into one.

minor there you go you did it

do any of your symphonies involve the theorbo they do not they do not I forgot about that Chris googled that again

what would he do without his computer yeah what's a furmo there that's that big big big uh this that big big I don't know, it looks like a guitar for like a it looks like if a guitar had a baby with a machine gun or something.

Yeah, that's the instrument Barney plays, right?

Yeah, in a rock band.

Oh, would play.

Would play in a rock band, yeah.

In a rock band.

We all know it.

What's your favorite instrument in a rock band?

Theorbo.

Theorbo.

That's when you knew the video game rock band was really jumping the shark.

It wasn't going to last.

The theorbo cells did not take off.

Can that phrase in INDD be jumping the aurochs?

Oh, that's so good.

Let's make it.

I don't know.

I decided

to be careful.

Yeah, I jumped the auroch.

Oh, you know what I'm saying?

I think that was Bart.

That was gay.

Yeah, you know what I'm saying.

All right, well, let's dive into it.

My aurochs.

Clang, clang, clang, clang.

You hear the sounds of large bells chiming, but they sound different to the ones that were ringing earlier.

And with a poof, shrouds of red mist start materializing in all the different rooms of the manor.

And with them, the Sferatu.

Evena begins screaming, Help!

Help!

Invaders are hiding in our home!

Everyone roll initiative, but Barney, you rolled initiative in the last episode, and I think you were very proud of it and you wanted to keep it.

It was a 19.

Yes, I think Micah was eyeing when I already had an initiative here for Barney.

I know when Chris rolls good at the end of an episode, he wants to keep it for the beginning of the next episode.

But if he had rolled bad, he would have been like, No, no, no, we'll re-roll.

I know your games, Mr.

Demaris.

But I rolled because I was just ready for fighting, because Barney was on his hair.

He was ready for battle.

I mean, I was prepping for battle the whole time.

Always ready.

I did a 16 because I have an advantage on an issue.

All right.

I did a 17.

I rolled a.

Doing the magic real-life dice.

10.

How'd that work out for you?

It's fine.

It's fun.

That's the good thing about it.

I've realized when you roll dice, even if it's bad rolling, there's still some satisfaction there.

But then you have to do the math.

I love math.

I'm like Gus.

I like math.

We're going to switch to physical dice someday, right?

I'm doing it now.

I feel confident.

I'm doing it now because I really like it.

And it's part of the game that we don't ever get to participate in.

We also enjoy it.

The lights are going out.

The power's going off.

So we're going to have to.

Yeah.

We're going to be playing my candlelight here soon.

Yay.

Recording in gramophone or whatever.

I'm just making a couple rolls over here for the Spirat 2 and for our NPC.

Maybe it's time to do Matt Hoon or unemployed.

What do you mean, when?

Okay, let's see here.

Barney, you are going to be first with 19.

Then after you is Countess von Broth at 18.

Oh, wow.

Then we have Chip at 17, followed by a Quiffley also at 17.

Oh, wait, hold on.

Hold the phone.

One of the Sferatu out of 20.

Whoa.

So everyone's going to get shifted down there.

Ring, ring, ring, ring.

The cleverly named Sviratu C.

Thank you, Micah.

Sviratuk?

Elga, you're after Quiffley.

Oh, Quiffly's involved.

Yeah, well, Quiffley has to

do something, right?

Nice to have a fight.

I would think so.

I just glared at Ben because he voices Quiffley.

Alright, well, up first is one of the Sferatu, and then Barney, you'll be acting after them.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, so I guess they would, like I said, they materialize all around the

manor.

And Avina says, Help!

Two are in Camp Von Brat's room.

One is in my mother's room, and one flew through the vault outside.

How did she know?

What a little brat.

Bat bounty.

We're very different, me and the vana.

Yeah, she's a little brat.

You're a little bat.

I'm giving myself an inspiration, die here.

I was involved in that joke, so I'm giving myself an inspiration.

An assisted inspiration die at my expense, so.

All right.

Well, one of the Sferatu disappears again into a puff of red mist and goes through the wall to the north through Count von Broth's room and rematerializes flying outside of the vamp spire close to you, Mateed.

Oh, I thought I was going to go take a break.

I was already prepping, like, I don't know, there's combat going on, and it's a game of hide and seek.

I should stay out here.

So, then you're surprised is what I'm saying.

It's what I'm hearing.

You know, you need a win, Best of Hold.

So, yeah, so from your perspective, you're out there, like you said, playing with Gigi, I think.

Yeah, yeah, because we made you do an animal handling check.

And a mist of blood comes through the wall and coalesces into a Sferatu about 15, 20 feet away from you and begins casting.

And all around you, a cylindrical deluge of blood forms.

Almost like a...

It would be like a tidal wave, but since

you're floating and you're flying, it just kind of forms all this liquid that then crashes down on you and all around you.

It's like

Moog from Elden Ring.

I didn't play Elden Ring, but I did see Carrie.

So yes, it's like Carrie.

Cool.

So I'm getting a shower.

So you need to make a strength saving throw.

Oh.

Good news.

I'm decent at strength saving throw when I push the button instead of doing it because that's reflex, but I'll take it.

It's 18.

Would they...

Sorry to interrupt this battle.

Would they be attacking me?

We'll have to see.

Okay.

Well, I would say for you right now, Elga, they might not necessarily see you because you're hiding inside that giant animal skin.

You're like an Elga burrito at the moment.

But we'll deal with that when we get there.

An Elga Kalachi.

All right, so the

hungry.

You hungry, flying.

Yeah,

I just activated his stomach.

The pool of blood falls on you, and it kind of like starts making you lose your ability to fly a bit, but you're able to shrug it off.

Mate is just so strong that they're able to overcome all of this liquid falling on them.

I agree.

You do not fall prone, lucky for you, and you do not take the bludgeoning damage.

You don't even take half to take to the end.

How would a flying creature fall prone?

Would they just fall to the ground?

I would assume like they're not flying.

You know, they're just like in a prone position, but falling.

Like planking in midair as they fall.

Like, I'm dying and I'm doing an outdated weird thing.

Planking.

Yeah, remember that?

Remember planking?

Yeah.

Micah's saying he didn't do half damage because it had a condition effect.

It's okay, Micah.

We'll still get him.

We'll still get him.

All right, that's it.

Hey, wait a minute.

That's, let's see.

Can it do anything else?

And no, it does that.

All right, that's it for that Sferatu.

Barney, you're in Countess von Braath's room, and that's where the Countess and Quiffley are as well.

And currently, there is no Sferatu in this room with you.

And the Countess and Quiffly, how did they respond to the call that

little Elga sister made?

They seem caught by surprise at the moment, like caught off guard.

Like they don't know what's happening.

Okay.

How far away is Chip from me?

So you're in the southern, southeastern portion of this residence.

Just to the north of you is the parlor where you all were talking before.

And then north of the parlor is Count Von Broth's room.

And that's where Chip is pretending to be

a trophy.

Okay.

I just realized this place has wings like a bat.

I want to...

Oh, I like that.

Give yourself an inspiration, Doug.

Okay, outside, can I exit quietly or like move outside to the parlor and make my way towards where Chip is?

Sure, when you say quietly, does that mean you want to make a stealth check?

Yeah, but I'm at greater invisibility, so.

Alright, you are invisible, aren't you?

Because I cancel out the...

Let's see.

I think that...

So I'm going to read it, but I think he still has to deal with the noise.

Yeah.

I would imagine it's like...

I think I get advantage on stealth, but then I have a disadvantage, so it's probably even out.

That's what I think as well.

Yeah, so it's going to even out.

So basically, you just make a regular stealth check because you're invisible, but you normally roll with disadvantage because of your loud armor, so it's going to cancel out.

So yeah, make a stealth check, see if you're able to do it quietly.

It's a 10.

Okay.

It's not terrible.

And I want to make my exit there, leave them, and then make my way towards...

Yo, as you exit the room and go to the parlor, you can see that there is indeed two Sferatu in Count von Broth's room and one out in that center foyer where you all first came in.

And there's none in that main area.

In the parlor?

No.

Yeah.

And

where's Elga's sister?

Avina, she's in the foyer over there because she was pulling the chain to alert the Sferatu.

Brett.

Brett.

Brett.

Brett.

Is Evaina, like, gearing for combat?

What is she doing?

She...

Make a perception check.

20.

Oh, she's pretending to be super helpless.

She's batting her eyes.

Hey, get it.

And

pleading for help from the Spiratu.

Just a heads up, how Barney thinks.

After Barney is the Countess and then Chip.

Okay.

I'm very curious to see how Countess von Broth fights.

If she fights.

If she fights.

If I go to Elga's sister, am I within like 30 feet of Chip?

No, because Elga's sister is to, or Evana, I should say, is to the west, like in the other direction.

Then I'll go towards where Elga's sister, or I'm sorry, where Chip is, enter there.

And there's two, you said in there?

Yes, there are two, Sferatu in Count Von Broth's room.

All right.

And I will shoot one of them with my crossbow.

Okay.

You don't care which one?

Whichever one is

closest to me, I guess.

Okay.

I just want to make sure I'm within like the perimeter of

chip.

Yeah, you're trying to get within the 30 feet.

Yeah.

Okay.

If you're using a ranged attack, though, shouldn't you be further away for better?

Well, I mean, I think I can still, I don't, as long as I'm all like up close.

Right, I think as long as Barney is more, like, not in melee range, essentially.

Yeah,

it should be okay.

I have a question.

Since I was invisible and came from, like, not the room, is that a surprise?

Am I surprising them?

Do I get advantage on that or anything?

No, they know you're there.

They know.

Even invisible?

Yeah, they can hear you.

It's that loud clanging armor.

The Barney signature.

Yeah, I'll shoot a crossbow.

I'll roll for that.

That's a 12.

That does not hit.

Okay, shoot.

And then...

Then, as my bonus action, I'm going to cast spiritual weapon, which will take the form of a big vampire stake.

And I'll summon that second level.

And you begin casting your spiritual weapon, and as you're incanting to form it, one of the Sferatu mutters something under its breath, and you feel the magic fizzle out and fail to form.

Oh,

suckering.

Suck at that.

That's good.

That still took my spell slot.

Is that correct?

Yes.

Oh, shoots.

No.

All right.

And then I'll use any of my remaining action to kind of move away a little.

Are you staying in Campbon von Broth's room?

Because you want to stay within Curtis?

I still want to stay in that area within so that Chip will definitely get my thingy, but I also just want to move so that I'm not like standing right where I attack from.

Gotcha.

And I guess that will be my turn.

Okay.

It's Countess von Broth, and then after that is Chip.

Countess von Broth begins running out of her room where she was talking to Quiffley, past the foyer, into Count von Broth's room where the bulk of you are right now, and begins pleading with the Sferatu in there between the Sferatu and you, Elga.

This is all a misunderstanding.

Everything's fine in here, we're not in danger.

So, she has a sense of where I am, I guess.

Yes, okay, she knows you kids used to always play

hide and seek.

She knows Elga's favorite spot to hide in here, even though she abandoned us many years ago.

Well,

it was complicated.

She said she's trying to persuade the Sferatu that this is all okay.

There is no problem, these are her guests.

She has like triple advantage on persuasion, right?

I think I heard that.

She also is like a countess.

So like I imagine that she would have some type of authority.

Yeah, like quadruple persuasion.

Yeah.

Or just like auto critical success.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I read that in the book.

I read that in the book.

Oh, oh, yeah.

We changed it a little bit from the book.

Yeah.

It's a little different.

Only true.

Only true fans know.

The book's better.

All right.

That's going to be what the countess is doing for now.

Chip, it's your turn after Chip is quickly the Nelga.

Do they seem to be responsive to this at all, by the way?

Like, what is their reaction?

I mean, they're kind of looking at her, but they're also looking around suspiciously in the room.

So there's two with me in Count Von Brath's room.

Do they see me?

Have they detected me?

Make a perception check.

Perceive if they have perceived you.

Make a sneeze.

Oh my god, that's the only time I'll ever pass that.

17.

Or so you think.

You think as of right now that they are aware of your general location?

They might not know specifically where you are, but Avina did say, like, did point out where you were.

So maybe they're looking through all the heads, trying to find which one specifically is you.

Well, they don't know which head I am.

Okay, then I want to.

The one that blinks when they blow in the face.

My eyes are just like red and tearing up.

They're just like, I guess we should just hit every single one of these heads.

Yeah.

I watched as they go line by line, striking each of them and stabbing.

My eyes are going, eh.

They're breaking them just like they're made out of paper-mâche.

They're just like caving in like uh-oh.

Squishing them like the mountain.

I'm just imagining you big smile, eyes darting back and forth.

There's a moment.

Sorry,

I have to make a reference to some of them.

Maybe not everybody's seen, but the original Dirty Rotten Scoundrels was Steve Martin and Michael Caine.

Steve Martin is trying to have a con where he's playing a man who's in his wheelchair and has no feeling in his legs.

And Michael Cain is trying to break the con.

Yeah.

And he's like playing his doctor.

And he comes up with just like a

what do you call that?

Like a switch, like a long stick.

Yeah.

And just goes to the back of the room and runs and hits Steve Martin on the like bare legs.

And like, you have to watch this clip because he just doesn't react.

He does a.

His eyes water a little bit.

It's great.

So with all that being said, I'm going to stay hidden and hold my attack.

And I have to give you the

like until

like a condition.

I would say until I think we've entered greater combat.

Like is that too vague?

Like if

is that a land we haven't visited yet?

If

Countess von Brath's convincing doesn't go over and they don't listen and then they start like attacking, attacking, then that's when I can attack.

Is that yeah,

I'll let that go.

All right.

That sounds fine by me.

Alright.

Now it's...

That's it for you, right?

Because you're waiting.

If I had a potion, I wonder if I could just, like, sneak it.

It would be funny if your head sticking out of the wall had one of those, like, beer helmets with, like, two health potions in it and the straws coming down to the mouth.

Yeah.

A, that would give me away.

B, I don't think I have a health potion.

Oh, well, it's all moot then.

I do cure your charm.

Cure my charm?

Yeah, you're charmed.

Right?

Oh, he's still charmed.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just so we can refresh everyone, remind everyone why that is, Barney.

Yeah, so I had used my channel divinity Twilight Sanctuary, and it can end one effect on it, causing uh he can either grant temporary hit points or end an effect, like charmed or frightened.

Okay, cool.

I lifted charmed, okay.

And then when I when I realize what happens, might you see the smallest furl of my brow.

Like,

there he is, get him

people don't know this, but he's got the loudest eyebrows ever.

All right, so that means it's Quiffley's turn.

Take him out, Quiffley.

No one is in Countess von Broth's room to see this, but Quiffley is very scared.

Quiffley tries to get under the rug and hide in there.

Quiffley, you're worthless.

You're just like sleek.

No one will find me in here.

It's perfect.

I like to think, though, that his head is still poking out.

He just covers his body with the rug.

Or he's just sticking his head under the rug because it's my ass.

It's like little kids who have no object permanence, and they just think if they can't see it, then they can't, then they can't see them.

Yep.

Okay, that means it's Elga's turn after Elga is a Sferatu and then Mateed.

Okay, Elga goes, Okay, listen.

We all,

not dangerous.

It is me, Elga Vodbruff.

I live here in this residence, and

She's still in the rug, by the way.

Elga, good prank.

Good prank.

That's just a prank, bro.

Make a persuasion check, Elga.

Big persuasion check.

Big charisma modifier.

Dirty 20.

Oh, that's pretty good.

All right.

Let's see.

Dirty 20?

Is that what they're called when you have that modifiers?

Yeah, when it becomes like a 20 with modified, yeah.

Nat.

Dirty 20 is fun.

Well, I got a Nat 1.

Wow.

So the little peek behind the curtain, I wish today's Micah's birthday.

I wish I had my birthday earlier.

I said, May your day be filled with Nat 20s and the party filled with Nat ones.

And I think we just got it backwards here.

My wish for you went backwards.

They got the 20, I got the one.

Which is funny because it's the 21st.

21.

It is?

The date.

21.

The date.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mike is not turning 21.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what you think.

Okay, I think that's going to give these Ferratu in here a bit of pause because now Countess von Broth and maybe Elga, they don't know,

are telling them everything's okay.

A special rug.

It's easy Elga!

It is Elga.

Instead of having a bass on the wall that talks, they have a rug that talks.

Well, you said it's like a bear rug, right?

Wolf.

A wolf.

I think it was a wolf rug, yeah.

So I'm just imagining like it's coming out of the wolf's head, but it's still muffled because it's covered.

It's cute.

Like I said, there's two Sferatu here in Count von Broth's room.

And so they're taking a little bit of a pause maybe reassessing there is still the one outside and the one in the foyer though okay is there anything else you want to do elga i'll come out of the rug as well oh okay well i came out of the closet once

just once it was enough yeah

one and done kind of thing yeah okay then it is one of these foratu's turn that's here in the room it's gonna consider its life choices What has it done to get here?

It's unlife.

Should we?

Yeah.

After life,

there it is.

That's the one.

Oh, you found it.

You found it.

He's decided he's going to go back and take up painting again.

I think they'll leave.

He's going to go back to school.

That's what he's going to do.

I think they'll leave.

Yeah, this one's going to have a conversation with the other one here in the room for now.

The umpires are conversing.

And this is in...

In Count Von Bros.

Room.

This is right in front of you, Chip.

Can I hear?

Make a perception check.

All right.

That last one was so good.

This is going to have to be a good one too, right?

Right.

13.

Okay, yeah, you're here.

I mean, it is their home.

And

I don't know.

Should we still check?

It is your job.

They're taking a pause.

Mate,

you are.

Yeah, and you are...

There is a Sferachu who has appeared in front of you out here, outside the bam spot.

He tried to cover me in blood.

Trying to stain my beautiful wrappings.

You have dark feathers, though.

Oh, stain.

Yeah,

I have dark feathers with red accents, so it actually makes me look even more for blood.

If you need to wash off, you can just take a dip in the river.

The river of blood.

Oh, Matid.

I forgot that detail.

Well, you know, good news is Matid likes a fight, so I'm down for this.

Mate flies over.

This is fun.

I get to do a flying fight.

That's cool.

It's like

Agent Smith and Neo at the end of Matrix 3.

Everyone's favorite Matrix.

I actually like it.

But I'm going to go ahead and just go for a stabby stab of my Fear of the Superior Baker.

I'm going to roll for a hit on that one.

I did the thing where I pushed the button again.

I should not have pushed the button because I rolled a Nat one.

Ooh.

Give and spoke?

No.

Make a joke quick.

Gus will give you the one.

He's feeling charming today.

You don't have like any knives.

Probably give him a knock-knock.

No, don't.

No.

I'm taking away dice for those.

Yes, I promised never to do a knock-knock joke with you.

Okay, okay.

That's pretty nice.

I'll give you one, but if you ever do tell me a knock-knock joke, you're have disadvantaged.

I will never, ever, ever do a knock-knock joke.

I'm not gonna

get a note here.

No knock here.

Never, ever.

No knock.

I'm doing it next episode.

That's better.

That's 21.

Okay, that hits.

Okay, I like that.

I'm going to now hit you with

eight piercing damage.

Okay.

And I'm going to spend a key point to make that that a stunning strike.

Some people call it stunning.

Stooning.

Oh, must look very good.

How exotic sounding.

This is a stunning strike.

Okay, so I need to make a save for that, right?

Yeah, I'm scrolling down.

It is a con saving throw of 14.

Okay, I have plus four, so I need a 10 or better on this.

I have a 50-50 chance.

I rolled a one.

Oh,

it's working.

Guys, tell me a joke.

Um, knock, knock.

No, no.

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No one's home.

No, yeah, no one's home.

I don't answer.

I don't answer.

Oh, what are you, me?

That's me.

Someone's knocking at the door.

Better hide.

Nope.

We come on the ring doorbell.

You could just leave it.

All right.

Yeah, so I failed the con safe.

Cool.

You are stunned.

With stun,

do you stay flying?

That's an excellent question.

I guess it depends whether or not they need to continue doing something for flight.

I'm going to double check the rules here on stun they have wings yeah but it could be ornamental like they could just fly your butts ornamental that's so

funny why would they have wings but not use the wings to fly well they're like dodos or penguins with their fly he just named two birds that can't fly dodos and penguins

well they're ornamental wings yeah right but imagine if there was a hovering

sorry this is bad example yeah yeah this example is terrible so i think the general accepted rule is that flying creatures that cannot hover fall if they're stunned.

They can hover.

Okay, well, you know what?

I would have said this exact same thing if you made me prone because I hover too.

So, eat my shorts.

Yeah, it's nothing that Matid always keeps reminding everybody about, but it's there in my character sheet that I have.

They're also ornamental?

No, I use my wings, but I can hover if I want.

So, I can double fly.

Oh.

Yeah, I'm really good.

Okay, well, at least they're stunned, which means I can hit them again.

And I want to make a character that has a strike that's like a kiss.

I was just thinking like a really, really hard kiss.

Or a raspberry.

Yeah.

I think because it has my highest attack opportunity, I'll just do the spear again since it seems to be my...

I did it again.

Am I holding dice in my hand?

Whatever.

17.

I'll slap your hand next time you try to get it.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Please.

I give you consent to slap my hand on.

Plus 9 of that.

That's great.

Micah says that would be like rogue from X-Men.

Who does what?

Kiss, the stun.

Oh, yeah.

yeah.

Yeah.

Kiss from a rogue.

I like that.

That's a reference I like.

Baby!

17 hits.

Yeah.

And now I'm going to roll hit dice.

Do it.

Roll digitally.

Oh, oh, I got to mix up.

Dang it.

I had the physical dice in my hand.

He smacked me.

Roll digitally.

Ooh, 13.

13 points, and that's like bludgeoning damage, right?

Piercing.

Oh, he said you're doing your spear again, right?

Yeah.

That's right.

A little period makeup.

Cool.

So I can do a bonus action, and I have a lot of bonus actions options.

But since you're stunned, I don't need to do like defense.

So that's kind of nice.

So instead, actually, yeah, I knew what I wanted to do if I stunned you successfully.

I want to use my bonus action to do arms of the astral self.

I didn't want to use that at the top.

Of the astral self.

All right.

Hover away.

Yeah, because I like what that can do.

As a bonus action, I can spend a key point to summon arms of your astral self and to remind people it's wings when I do it because I think it's pretty.

Yeah.

When you do so, each creature of your choice that you can see within 10 feet, you must succeed in a deck saving throw of a 14 or take some farce damage.

Farce?

Farce damage?

Farce.

Yeah, it's not real.

Is it DC 14?

DC 14 dex sobbing.

Do I get decks since I'm stunned?

Oh, maybe disadvantage?

The creature automatically fails strength and dexterity saving throws.

Oh, there you go.

So good, so good.

Like I planned it, but I didn't.

Gonna roll for damage.

He planned it out exactly.

He scripted this.

Oh, look at that.

That's some dice ASMR.

That's seven damage.

He did like, I think you've done 28 points of damage so far if my math is right here.

It's pretty good.

Could I?

Yes.

I've used up my action.

and my bonus action.

Yes.

What would happen if I were to try to grab this Speratu?

I would not be able to do that.

That'd be like a grapple.

Yeah, you've already done action and bonus action.

What are you, Chris?

I know.

I know.

I don't want to go there.

No, no, no.

I had a funny little idea, but I think I was too late to think of it, so I'm going to just hang out there and stare at this stunned dude and wonder, like, why are you fighting me?

I'm playing hide and seek.

Yeah, you're playing with your kitty.

You're not playing a very good game of hide and seek.

No touching.

This is my hiding spot.

The entire outside world.

All right.

That's it for you, Mate.

Wait.

It is the turn of the other Sferat 2 that's in Count Von Broth's room.

So this is the one that's having the conversation with the other one.

They're still trying to figure it out.

I'm going to make a roll here just for myself.

And so they're in here attacking us because of

the vaccine.

Yeah, it's like when you're a kid and you call the cops by accident, you know.

It wasn't an accident.

You took your turn, is that right?

Yeah.

You should have gotten your bonus HP roll.

Is that okay?

Yeah, go for it.

Oh, yeah.

Is that like 10 PHP I would have?

Yeah, yeah, it's 10 PHP.

And I would say, since you're in Camp Von Brothers room and that's the wall that Mate went through, Mate would probably be within 30 feet of you as well if it affects them.

Through a wall?

Yeah, I don't know if it works through a wall.

Yeah, I think it's just 30 feet.

You don't have to see them?

I don't believe so.

The sphere centered on you has a 30-foot radius and is filled with dim light.

It moves with me and it lasts for one minute or until you are incapacitated or die whenever a creature, including you, ends its turn in the sphere.

So, yeah, I would imagine.

So you can say sphere, but you can't say sphenix.

I could say

phoenix, but sphere is the same

as phoenix

it's the exact same

sphere

it is the sound of spheratu it is the sound of sphenix it is sphere sphere so elga you get nine temp and uh

and then uh

matit you get eight thank you those are bad rolls but ten p hp ten page p yep okay better than nothing and to be uh to correct something i said uh i wanted to to cast Visage of the Astral Self, which also casts Arms of the Astral Self.

Gotcha.

Like Proxy.

It's like the upgraded, like, I want to be Charizard, not Charmeleon.

Gotcha.

He understands that, right?

He does.

He does.

Because those are what?

Gus?

Those are Yu-Gi-Oh!

He's close.

It's fine.

Let him pass.

I'll let it pass this time.

Digimon?

I'll let it pass this time.

I like Digimon.

I want to be Graymon, not.

I only know the names.

I don't know anything beyond that.

I can outnerge you here.

You absolutely can.

Okay, that's it for Matitas Desferatu.

I made my roll.

These two here are taking a pause, trying to figure things out.

They're clapping.

Not applause.

Did they further cut their conversation?

Did I hear anything else that was discussed?

Yeah, I don't know.

She's right there.

Because these are home.

You should not attack.

That was very oil, can

oil can.

I think we shouldn't attack.

You did it.

You did it.

Okay.

And then it's Evina's turn, and she's in the foyer with one of the other Sferatu.

And she says, Oh, won't you help?

They're charming your friends.

Oh, that's...

She's fantastic.

Yeah.

She's fantastic.

Very good.

No notes.

So that Sferatu is going to rush over from the foyer into Count Von Broth's room where everyone is.

My eyes get slightly bigger.

It's going to see those two talking and not doing anything and say, what are you waiting for?

Stop the intruders.

And it's it's going to try to do something.

Elga came out, right?

She's not in the wolf skin anymore.

Okay.

If you were still in the wolf skin, I was going to have it start stomping on the lumps.

Oh, my goodness!

That's a little bit very disapproving.

But you came out.

It sees Barney, so it's going to.

It doesn't see Barney.

No, they hear Barney.

But the one that just came in hears.

Yeah, with a 10.

Their passive perception is above 10.

Sure.

Okay.

Barney will.

Chris will allow it.

Don't argue with the D.

Yeah, just.

Yeah.

So, yeah, their passive perception is a 14

just to let you know.

So if you'd have to beat 14 at a minimum for them to not know that you were there.

And you rolled a 10.

All right, so this one comes in and it's going to close it up.

I believe in you.

I think I can do it.

We also have me and my mom.

I believe in a thing called Blaine.

God, remember the summer that song came out?

Woo!

That guy's actually really fun to watch on TikTok.

What does he do?

Does he do a lot of singing or anything?

No, he like what he like just watches a lot of other like music video content from other bands, but he he like is always very positively commentative on it.

It's and he's just a very charismatic guy.

He's just fun to watch.

Yeah, I'll have to check it out.

I really, I really that band was called The Darkness, right?

Yeah, yeah, he had great abs.

Yeah, that was 2003.

Sorry, I had to Google it.

I know we have a no-phone rule, but had to know.

I was 13 years old, just going

drinking my mountain dew code red.

Yeah.

Like gamer fuel.

Yes.

Just like now.

Nothing.

Surge.

Nothing changed.

I'm going to make my investigation check here to see if it knows where you are, Chip, specifically.

All right.

13.

No, because your stealth was like 22, if I remember right.

So, no, it does not.

It knows generally where you are, but not specifically.

So instead, it's the rogue be Rogan.

It's not going to attack Barney.

Instead, it begins casting.

And Barney, you feel like...

Well, actually, tell you what, before I describe it, make me a wisdom saving throw.

Okay.

It's going to be a 25.

Wow.

Good to go.

You feel like a probing at your mind, like an outside entity invading your mind, trying like searching for something, but you're able to steal your resolve and push it out.

Lucky for me, not even I can get into it.

And none of you are damaged at the moment.

None of you have been hit, right?

I mean, not from this battle, no.

What about emotionally?

He's talking about his dead wife.

Oh, that doesn't count.

Okay, in that case, it's going to once again, like, shove its companions and say, hurry up, get them.

So that is its turn.

This is such an awkward fight because you're all like, will they, will they?

I'm having the most normal fight.

Speaking of which, we go back up to the top of the initiative order, which is the Sferatu outside with Mate.

Well, okay, really quick, because I held my action, what does that mean?

Is that just being that...

It's burned.

Okay, that's fine.

You're undetected.

Yeah, the one that attacked me.

Well, it didn't attack.

It came.

You're right.

You're right.

Yeah.

That's fine.

All right, so we're back up to the top.

This one's stunned.

The stun ends on your turn, right, Mate?

Correct.

Okay.

So you're having a Dragon Ball Z fight outside.

Yeah.

When we're just like, no, please.

Yeah.

It's going to take three hours.

That's cool.

They're just yelling.

We're just going to be yelling.

And there'll be a lot of commercial breaks.

So you see the one outside that's with you, Matid.

You know, it's stunned.

It can't really move, but you see almost like some of the wounds it's taken begin to close up.

Oh, that's nice.

Is it?

For him, there's this really cool concept called sarcasm.

Hmm.

Is there?

Get yourself an inspiration die.

That's Chris.

That's pretty good, Chris.

I do like that one.

So it can't move, can't speak, can't do anything else.

So all that happens is its wounds start to close up.

Alright, I know my plan now.

Keep this guy perpetually stunned and just keep danging over and over again.

Barney, you're up, then the Countess, then Chip.

I'm running low on the spell slots.

that was very much that god that's old that's old

geez louise i don't know if barney can be peaceful here no i mean they're they're attacking us at least that one did that one attack yeah but there's a chance that you did it attack you it did i felt it broke in my mind

Barney's going to shoot with his bow at the one.

What, you don't think we should no you're not helping our kids fight fight fight

you gotta do what you gotta do no i i will hold my action barney holds his action he readies his crossbow to shoot at any of them that make an attack towards one of us okay yeah i ready my crossbow to shoot with one of them and also ready a telekinetic shove well you gotta do one yeah

can i can i kind of

ready just one yeah okay ready my crossbow okay but can i also go pick up the arrow yeah sure why not That's just movement.

Okay, I'll go pick up the arrow.

And I'll try and hide.

Okay, make a stealth check.

You can do a lot of things

on one tour.

That's movement.

I'll consider all of that movement.

You're generous.

That was a 16.

We have a mic and I'm wearing headphones.

You don't have to yell at me.

Yeah, I'm excited because 16.

It means stop yelling for all of our sakes.

All right.

I would assume that the way you approach that is Barney just has to stop moving.

So like

just like very, very tries to blend in.

But you are invisible.

You have greater invisibility.

Okay, so Barney's going to be holding the Countess's turn.

She continues to plead, trying to convince them to stop what they're doing.

I'm going to have her make a persuasion check here.

With advantage.

Come on, brother.

Ooh, that's an 18.

Plus.

That's not bad.

Ooh, she's very charismatic, too.

That's a very good role for your part.

Yeah, it seems like these three Sviraches, especially like the one that came in, came in hot, you know, not knowing what was going on.

I think now, you know, with Countess von Braath calming them down, you know, the one that came in is kind of disarmed as not an appropriate word in a D and D setting, but kind of like a little more relaxed.

Okay, okay, we understand.

They're having a discussion.

Yeah, and she says, uh, surely you'll respect the home of a countess.

Which really seems to kind of take the Sferatu aback.

It kind of like snaps them out of it.

Yeah, you go, girl.

After the Countess is Chip.

Okay, they know we're hiding.

They know we're here, you know, so I guess to alleviate suspicion, I'm going to crane my head from its post in the wall in the trophies, and then I'll just say, like, hey there, fellas.

Yeah, I know, I got you, good.

This has all been an unfortunate, you know, mistake and confusing situation.

We are here as guests of Miss Elga von Brath and the Countess von Brath.

I think that the little one Avina got a little too into the game and thought that the risk was much higher than it was.

We're just goofing around.

This is this is we're not meaning any harm.

Elga's nodding along the whole time, too.

So, so sorry to raise all the alarms, fellas, but uh, you know, this is this is uh, this is all just a misunderstanding.

False alarm, if you may.

Make a it's not deception necessarily.

Make a persuasion check.

Okay,

okay.

Okay.

17.

Yeah.

Okay, yeah.

All right, yeah, they seem to be like kind of considering it.

Okay, yeah, you're very persuasive.

Okay.

And then as a

show of good faith, I'll pop my head.

Like, I'll go back into the wall and then re-emerge with like hands up.

Okay, yeah.

And then to do that, you're going to have to like pop back in, then go through the wall, crawl space, back to the countess's room, re-emerge there, and then come back in.

Yeah, if I have enough movement to do that, but yeah.

If you double move, we'll say.

Okay, then I'll double move.

You can do that.

So then all my actions are gone.

I'm putting it all out on the table.

And we get bonus HP of 10.

Timp HP.

10 temp HP.

10 in sensitivity.

Okay.

Thank you, Barney.

Knock him.

Make sure you knock him.

Oh, oh, oh.

And to further that, I say, uh...

And Barney is, he was just getting real immersed in the fight.

Yeah, sorry about him.

We're fine.

Everything's fine.

How are you?

Yeah, yeah.

Star Wars.

Okay, Quiffley is still hiding under the rug, plugging his ears and humming.

Oh, God.

Comfort songs?

Yeah, yeah.

I love hide and seek.

I'm so good at this.

Elga, you follow up Quiffle.

Is there anything you want to do here?

I mean, I want to just keep persuading them that, like, we're okay and they could leave, which I guess would just be like a persuasion chip.

Yeah, I mean, it's really just telling the truth of this.

Yeah, listen, okay.

It sounds like everything is Gucci here.

And uh,

you know, we're all friends.

We're just playing some hide-and-seek with our buddies.

And Vina, you know, she take a little bit too seriously, and she's very competitive.

So she just wanted to find us without finding us herself.

And so that's why she called you guys because there's a little cheating on the game.

And so you could go now

and take all your friends.

Alright, why don't you make me a persuasion check too, Elka?

I think Elgar broke Micah when she said everything was Gucci.

Gucci.

18.

Okay, okay, yeah.

Gucci's a erasive creature in D and D.

That's very, very calm.

Everyone is Gucci.

Yeah, pacifists.

Yeah, they're pacifists.

Yeah.

Okay.

It's one of these Sferatus turn.

They're going to confer here.

At this point, I'm going to break initiative for a bit, and I'm going to have that Sviratu that was outside come back in because it would have cleared its stun on the next turn anyway.

So the four of them convene and they begin talking a little bit.

And the conclusion they're going to come to is they're going to say, Apologies, Countess von Brath.

We did not mean to disturb you or your family.

You know, Countess von Brath will say, Good.

Now please exit at once.

Respect my property and home.

There is a matter of the intruders.

We cannot let them go.

But they are not intruding.

I brought them here.

We are a guest.

They do not have Count Dracula's permission to be in the Vampspar.

Well, if you could find me, Dracula, let's get his permission.

Countess von Brath, I think, would pull you in, Elka, and whisper to you.

I can delay them.

Perhaps you should take your friends to the third level, Fangpic, and go see Count Dracula directly.

I catch that conversation.

I need to find a way to get out of the room.

I need to poop.

Okay, I need to take my friends.

He is explosive there in the middle.

Emergency!

I'm gonna take the menu.

You're fine!

He's got a poop.

I know he does.

I don't!

Countess my broth continues to you all because she says, I know you've never been there, but reach it either by climbing the chute in the refusary or ascending the stairwell and the triclinium.

Oh.

Triclinum.

You did this refusary climbing.

Oh, I remember.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you went from the first floor up to here.

There was a little grate.

Correct.

And so you said climbing through the refusary or stairs.

In the triclinium.

Triclinium.

Is the triclinium where the little convention thing is?

Exactly.

That's where the convention was.

Yeah, in the middle of the moment.

Are we going to have to go to the Omicron to get the Rubicube?

Have you been looking at my module?

And then we're going to find the unobtainium.

That's good.

I'll delay them.

Hurry.

Go quick.

Okay.

Countess on broth, you know, draws the attention of this for two and says, while you all are here, I do have some issues I'd like to address.

And this for two kind of like,

they kind of saw it.

How do we get Matid back?

Well, I got it.

I have this thing called the um recorder of rapping.

What is what is happening?

I point my finger towards a creature within range and whisper a message to target, and only the target hears a message and can reply and whisper only you can hear.

And I can cast the spell through solid objects if you're familiar with the target and know it is beyond the barrier.

But I have to do it in the form of a rap.

Okay, let's hear it, Barney.

Shows us to Mateed, yeah, to get you to join back in.

That makes sense.

Hey, Mate, it's time to go.

They already are in the know.

We have got to go upstairs.

Why don't you come out and

provide some

clears?

Oh,

because you're a baker.

John looks like he wants to jump off a cliff.

But you only heard that in your head.

I just shake my head and I go, the air is weird out here.

Mate's punching themselves.

I got to eat more fiber or something.

I'm all clogged up.

Yeah, Matid heads in for the sake of.

Okay.

Mati doesn't want to.

Mati actually wanted to finish the fight.

I'm sad that guy left.

Yeah, I have to.

Where's our friend?

Where's Ted?

Where's Ted?

Yeah, I wanted to just murder this guy.

He turns in, just like covered in feathers and bruised.

Yeah.

Yeah, I agree.

We should.

Yeah.

Yeah, I come back in and join the party.

Okay.

And then Kaelga kind of motioned to shuffle them out of the room.

Yeah, yeah.

Elga begins trying to get rid of you guys, getting everyone out of the room.

Cool.

Minty didn't hear all this, but John did, and so John has a question to the party: Do you want to go to the triclinium or the refusary?

Well, there's the grate there, right?

So my vote would be a triclarinium, just because I think the grate was really, it all sounds really gross.

And we had to climb through goo.

And also, the triclarinium we hadn't been into, but I don't know.

Triclinium.

Triclinium.

And I assume you all are now having this conversation out in the hallway outside of the Von Brothers present.

Yeah, I guess in hushed tones.

Oh no, I'm standing next to this Feratu saying all this.

Yeah, Triclinium.

Because like

we talked about, I've been to the refusatory and there was a grate and then the wave.

Refusary.

What is this?

What is this group?

Sorry, I already said the words were crazy.

This is a fake language.

They are hard words.

Says the Star Wars fan.

My head was in my hands.

Blaine's like, we should head to the Minichlorium.

Yeah, let's head up.

Okay, just so I'm clear, what is the specific point?

We're gonna take the stairs to the triclinium.

Okay, the three of us are gonna take the stairs to the triclinium, and then Chip's gonna actually try to go at the refusary.

Is that true?

No, I would never do that.

That's a stealthy way.

It's the stealthy way

to the refusatory.

So you all head back to the triclinium, and you know, there's an open door that leads into this triangular hall with crimson carpet and black stone work.

And in the center is a dais, which is also in the shape of the triangle.

And to the north, beyond the dais, is a small chamber with an ascending spiral staircase.

And flanked on either side of that staircase are two ignis stone guard goils.

Oh gosh.

Okay.

I go up to one and I say, Keanu Reeves.

And I walk through.

What?

You might die.

You might die.

No.

I was trying to make another Bram Stoker's reference.

I got you.

What if that was the code?

Right.

That was the code, right?

No, it's not the code.

It wasn't the code.

No, dear.

Okay.

So I know the ones at the front, like when we first came into the vampspire, it was the Stoker castle.

But then we also encountered other stone gargoyles.

He moved one with telekinesis.

You walked through because you're cool.

Yeah.

And then we did that.

You guys had the belts.

Yeah.

Which you still have them?

I still take them off.

I still have my...

Yes.

Yes.

I gave my cloak to the...

Yeah, I don't have my cloak either.

Yeah.

But you have your belts on still.

Yeah, so maybe we'll be okay.

But you try walking through, right?

I try walking through with my belt.

Ha ha.

I'm going up like hips first.

Alright, you begin trying to walk through, and the guard goal takes a swipe out at you in your direction

with its claws, but misses you.

Yeah, it does.

But then they move to block, to physically, like, they come to life and then physically block your progress from you from being able to go up the stairs.

So, maybe this, unless we do the same gimmick where one of us hides to sh to listen to the password, maybe that's why we the refusary was brought up.

Oh.

Well, maybe I talk to these guys real quick.

The guard goals?

Mr.

Guard Hello, Smyoga Banda.

So, we've been asked personally by Dracula to come upstairs to his quarters to talk to him because we are performing a little song and dance for him.

Yeah!

And my friend here, Barney, is going to rap.

Yeah!

Dracula loves hip-hop.

Make a deception check for me.

Can I help by sending a secret message to their brains?

Sending?

Describe it to me and we'll see how it happens.

It's also a 14.

A 14.

Thank you, Elga.

You two look like friendly gargoyles.

Why don't you?

What's he gonna write with gargoyles?

I don't think he figured it out.

Why don't you uh not worry about all the turmoil?

Okay, second verse.

Chris is gonna play a barb next campaign.

Do you have any better ones?

Yeah, uh,

we just want to sing and dance.

Why don't you

uh oh god, take off your pants?

He

is world-renowned rapper.

What's your stage name?

The Great Barnabas.

The Carnival.

Barnabas Barnabas.

The Great Barnabas.

Great Barnabas Barnabas.

But it's all of that.

Everything that he's saying.

Carnabas?

Carnivorous.

It's like where

I smacked him across the head.

Barnabas.

He's just stuck.

No, no, I was like doing like a

record scratch.

No, you're stuck.

Roll a D20.

High means you assist.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

Come on.

15.

Okay, I'll say that that does assist you a bit, Elga.

So that means you can make that deception check with advantage.

You already rolled a 14.

Roll another deception check.

23.

Wow.

I didn't realize that the guard goils were sentient.

I thought they were just like turrets, essentially.

They got up and physically blocked Matid's pad.

So I think they

could come to life, but I think they're probably still stone.

The way that Gus described them when Chris was trying to break them was that they are stone-based, but they are not objects.

Gotcha.

Yes, correct.

Cool.

And plus, I don't know, I think this is kind of fun and interesting, so.

Hey, we'll go with it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, that's a really good check.

So, metagame-wise, I'll give you all a little peek behind the curtain.

They shouldn't be.

Why aren't you wearing pants?

Oh, what?

You can see me

took me a second.

You shouldn't be able to convince them, but I do like this story and this approach that you all have taken.

So, let's say, you know, one of them says,

You are not on the list to see Dracula,

not unless your name is

Van Helsing.

Well, lucky for you, my purple friend here is Van Helsing.

Oh, they move aside.

That is me.

And we are his pussy.

Yeah.

All right, gang.

Let's go.

I am Van Helsing.

You have the highest charisma modifier, right?

Yes.

And I walk through.

I imagine Chip walks forward, arms not moving, you know, like one of those, just like stiff as a board.

Yes.

The palms are out.

Palms are out.

Yeah,

you're able to pass through onto the staircase, chip.

Okay.

Could

I follow?

Yeah.

What happens if I follow?

Yeah.

You all seem to be able to get on the stairs, no problem.

Puzzle solved.

Ha!

Hold on, we're not all up there yet.

And Barney goes through, and in his head, he goes, Thanks for letting us go.

Hope you enjoyed my little flow.

Not bad.

I'll stop now.

I'm done.

I hate this.

I just forgot I just was excited to finally use it on the team.

Is this what it was like playing with me in campaign one?

No, it's probably worse.

No.

So you ascend, you all ascend the staircase up to the third level of the vampspire, the fang pic.

Elga, you've never been here on this level before.

You've never been up here.

So this is all new to you.

This is pretty cool up here.

I didn't realize that there was more above me.

Why don't you roll me a history check to see what you've heard about this place, Elka?

Now let me try to remember what I've heard about this place.

Quite a bit actually.

17.

Nice.

It's gonna be a minus.

You know that your sister Evaina told you that she heard that the Feng Pic is where Count Dracula impales his enemies on stakes, leaving them to die.

Jeez.

I liked this style.

You know, when you were younger, your father was once asked by Count Dracula to help with the construction of something called the Sylvern and another thing called the Sepulchre here on

the pink pig.

Sylvern and Sepulchre.

So he was helping with building these things?

Yeah.

Your dad's kind of a bigwig.

Do I know what those two things are by any chance?

No, it's like, you know, when you're a kid and you hear your parents talking about something and you hear it, but maybe you don't necessarily comprehend or it doesn't like really stick.

Ah, so anytime my parents talk about

insurance or credit cards.

Mortgages.

Mortgages.

The Sylverne and the Sepulchre.

I've never

in World of Warcraft, but I've always...

That's how I've always said it.

Not sepulchre.

Sepulchre.

Sepulcher.

Sepulcher.

Oh.

It reminds me of

Zabalba.

Zibulba!

Oh, I thought you were referencing El Dorado.

To Silbalba.

The English language needs accent marks.

Give me some accent marks.

Tell me where to put my emphasis.

Okay.

Poodoo.

Everyone rolled me a perception check.

Sepulcher.

I learned something today.

I hope the listeners, I hope you learned something too.

Find a way to use a word of the day in everyday conversation.

Sepulcher.

Seven.

Five.

Ten.

Nine.

Eleven.

Wow.

Okay.

I'm very distracted by all the things going on up here.

I thought it was sepulchre.

My favorite kind of music.

Sepulchre.

Okay.

So, Elga, Barney, and Chip, you know, you all know that this level, or you recognize that this level is far quieter and emptier than the others, and it makes it really creepy, and it's nearly pitch black up here.

Mateed, you notice that this level of the vampspire appears to be made purely of black igneous stone, and it's arranged like a triangle it looks like most corners of the triangle have a door and in the center of the level is a central chamber so like an overhead view this room is a triangle so there's like three corners yeah okay and then there's a chamber in the middle yeah central chamber like a like a like a conversation pit What does that mean?

Yeah, like what do you mean by chamber?

Conversation pit.

Conversation pit.

Like where it goes deeper.

Floor goes down.

Yeah, they're really nice.

Yeah, it'll have anything to make it cool.

It's like the sunken living room.

I get what you're talking about in like an indoor like fireplace in the middle of it sometimes.

Okay, got it.

Oh, man.

Someday when Sinky Dragon really blows up, I'll buy one of those for my house.

You'll just demo your living room to make it.

Look, look, honey, there's a hole.

Conversation pit.

I always felt like sunken living rooms were really bougie and fancy.

Like when I was a little kid, I was like, ooh, very bougie.

Yeah.

Okay, but this is not what's in the middle of here.

It is a chamber.

It's a chamber that's kind of hidden.

You can't really tell.

There's like a door to it.

So there's a room.

Yeah, it's a room.

And there's a door.

Yeah.

i go to the door why don't you all make me a group stealth check 23.

oh nat 20 for a 22 dirty 20 three

all right well everyone rolled good enough for the most part sorry clang clang clang clang

you uh you know you begin quietly trying to make your way i think you said to the central chamber is that what you said john and as you're doing so a dark figure steps around the corner from the northeast it's a lone speratu but their red robes don't seem to fit their muscular frame.

The Sferatu quickly approaches the southeast corner and reaches out with their hand to touch the sculpture of Fangs.

Wait, no, it's not their hand, it's a dismembered hand.

All at once, the sculpture rotates, revealing a secret passageway, and as the Sferatu creeps inside, you hear them utter a sound you're all too familiar with.

It's been a while.

It's been.

It's been.

Okay, so he.

One week since you killed my wife.

It's probably Eddie, as we've gathered.

And he is wearing Sferatu clothing and is holding a dismembered hand.

Yeah.

So maybe it's Dracula's hand.

Oh, yeah.

Because if it's special permissions to enter this secret passage, it might be...

Or maybe it just could be a Sferatu hand.

It's definitely Eddie because like uh episodes ago someone said that there was like a laughing green guy posing as a sferatu that was like a rumor that we had heard wind of did we come where did we come into this chamber from the northwest i think we'll have to find out and get more detail on the next episode of channels in the stinky dragon i hate that he let us like talk about it and entertain it and i was like oh we're gonna keep going no no we're not it's fun i also like when you think this episode was really fun and there's a lot that happened but if you really think about it all that happened was the sferatu came we were like hey we're cool and then we left and went upstairs yeah with some raps with some raps got removed with charm of the vena so now i see them for who they really are a little brat

voiced by my lovely girlfriend

all right we'll see you all next week

there are many ways little stinkers can support the show commenting on social media rating us on podcast services interacting with us on discord or telling friends about the show by word of mouth stinkers like sikuni 108 tenacious ramen gibura ham gaburaham I don't know how to say that one, Shinobi underscore Jeff, and Whip underscore Illustrations.

Listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord had NPCs named after them in this episode, like Quiffly Elga's Battler, named by at Aery the Ace, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben.

Additionally, Evaina von Brath is voiced by Kristen Nelson at Kristen, Kristinalin, that's a mouthful to say.

Countess von Brath, voiced by Patty Reisinger, and the Seratu are voiced by David Sanye at David underscore Sonia.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sonye.

Head over to stinkydragonpod.com/slash first for allthing stinky.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Hey Mateet, it's time to go.

They already are in the know.

We have got to go upstairs.

Why don't you come out and

provide some

clares?

You two look like friendly gargoyles.

Why don't you...

Why don't you?

Why don't you?

Why don't you...

Why don't you?

Why don't you?

Why don't you not worry about all the turmoil?

We just want to sing and dance Why don't you

take off your pants

for letting us

go hope you enjoyed my bye bye little flow

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