C02 - Ep. 40 - Vengeance in Vainia - Klawstred Way To The Top

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Greetings, all you goozlings. Flock on into the stinky dragon.
Drink up our latest Java, Redonka Honk.

It's a mixture of translucent turmeric, pseudocinnamon, freshly concealed gin germs, bubbling hiss honey, and a generous pinch of salt for bubbles.

One taste of this tacky tonic, and you'll put the more back in amorphous.

Previously, our adventurers climbed their way into the clostrid, where they encountered counts, bumped into more battlers, and curiously uncovered a captive they weren't expecting.

Round up a refreshment and let's resume this rank recollection.

What was that? Red Badonka donk? What'd you say?

Red Redonkahonk. Redonkahonk.

That got John real good.

It's the beverage this week. And my name is Gustavus Rilla.
I'm the dungeon master of this future party. I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.
Oh, you shot me in my Bedonka Donk.

I'll eat. As long as it's not your Bedonka honk, this week's question is, if you could ask the arrow shooter a single question, what would it be? It's the tables are turned.
Why do you hate us?

Are we asking Gus the DM or what? The arrow shooter. The arrow shooter.
Which is Gus. Because he says I'm going to shoot our players with an arrow.
Right. He literally just said that.
Interesting.

Interesting. I guess, I mean, you guys interpret it all you want.
That's all.

I'll start. How are you interpreting this, Gus, as we are asking the audience a question?

It's just, you know, think of it this way: like, we always joke that the arrow questions are like in reality shows when you get like in the closet in the confessional.

So it's like you're asking whoever's asking you the questions, like turning around on the documentarian almost. Oh, okay.
So, Chris, I think you said you were going to go first.

Hi, I'm Chris DeMaris, and I play Barney Varney. I want to know why you have to shoot us with arrows in order order to ask us questions.
Couldn't you just ask us?

Taking it very literally.

Let's see here.

In the spirit of that question, I'm going to say that Barney takes two points of piercing damage.

Don't, don't, don't. He fires back with his crossbow.

The battle breaks out in the interview room. What's the AC on the arrow of shooter? The camera just like falls to the side and it's on the floor.
You just see like feet shuffling around in a scuffle.

All right, who's up next? I'll go next. All right, Barbara.
Hello, everyone. I'm Barbara Rod Dunkelman, and I play Elga von Brath, the half-elf vampire barbarian.

And I have a question for the arrow shooter. You know, you hear a lot of our secrets every day.
They're a secret. No one else listens to them.

So let's see the juiciest gas you've heard, arrow shooter. Oh,

that that is a good one. That is a good one.
Fill the tea. I think the juiciest gas might involve some broccoli and turtles.

Broccoli.

I think the juiciest gossip that's been... What is that? That's a really good question.
It might be... Well, no, we're dealing with that.

I would say early on, I would have thought it would have been the revelation of Elga's sister.

But now, you know, obviously we're kind of dealing, you know, we've... seen more of that, but I think when it dropped, that was like big Elga lore at the time.

Has Has any of the other players maybe said who their favorite other player is? Like maybe Matthias Bethany? That's a good arrow question.

I'm not at liberty to see. I can't spoil

the conversation said in private in the confessional. Oh, well, then, what's the point?

I'll go next. Go for it.

Hey,

oh my God, what voice do I choose? It's Blaine Gibson, and I voice Chip 80. Hey there, good to see you, arrow shooter.
Wow, another arrow, another day. Here we go.
My question to you is uh

you know as someone who's uh you know a little familiar with the ways of the interrogation before killing someone like why these random questions you know normally you ask for the pertinent information but you're asking us about her like your favorite colors like what what for why

what for why

why

And we just want to get to know you better. Find out what makes Chip tick, you know, what all the little things, how well done does Chip like his cheese curds?

I mean, from a MetaSpur perspective, weren't these designed to just like build character, but in a way that non-conventional? Yeah. Yeah, roleplay.
That's actually pretty interesting.

Yeah, it's to uh kind of like flesh out the characters. I think let the audience get to know the characters and their quirks a little more.

And then also it helps kind of feed the uh it gets your brain started for all the improv stuff and it also kind of helps feed the world building in a kind of roundabout way. Yummy.

So basically, we're filling in the shoddy holes of Micah's writing. Is that what it is? We're fitting in the shoddy holes of uh the lack of backstory we get sometimes.
That's more accurate.

And speaking of a shoddy backstory, hi, I'm a genre singer.

I play Matique Confisius, who is an Eric Cochrane ghost monk. And if I had a question for the

Shutia, I would ask, hmm,

I had a question, but

I was going to say, how are you doing? Are you doing okay? I feel like no one checks on you.

I'm doing okay. You seem to be really deflecting a lot and asking us a lot of questions.
But I worry is that maybe this is something you have not been, you've not been dealing with for some time.

I've got my nice piping hot glass of Redonka Honk here, and I'm ready to

listen to some stories and tell some stories. Well, then I think a better question would be like, have you gone to the doctor and checked your caffeine levels? Because you talk about

coffee beverages all the time. Constantly.
Yeah, maybe I should cut back a little bit. But

it's so delicious. John says, as he picks up what looks like a big coffee, I don't know what's in that.
No, it's water. It's water.
It's water. Okay, okay.
That's

much healthier. I drink water.

I already finished my coffee. Oh, touche.
Yummy, too. Drank half a pot this morning.
Wow. Yummy.
That's Redonka Honk. You're going to be pooping your guts out.
That is a lot of coffee. Yep.

I could go for some more. Ready to dive into this? Woo! I'm Redonka Honka ready.

The bear puts its nose on the button for the doorbell and takes like a big sniff from it. I push the doorbell.
You hear like a deep bell ring. Wow, it's a deep bell.

Maybe, but nothing seems to happen. I push it again.
You push it again and the door spins around, revealing a dark, cramped stone room with an angry young girl blindfolded and chained up.

Oh, gosh. Oh.
Oh, goodness. Look what I did.
Do I recognize that as Avina? No, it is not Avina. Okay, is it the little person in the...
It's a young human girl with olive complexion, brunette hair.

You can't see her eyes because she's blindfolded. Do I recognize her? She's covered in scars and clothing, blood-stained rags.
You do not recognize her, Party.

It's the one from the painting that we found. Or the picture that we found.
It does not look like that.

All right. I'm going to assist the little person.
Yeah, I'm going to help them.

Is there anyone... Or is there anything else around?

Or is it just the girl? It's just like a small cramped room. Yeah, she does help her.
So that I understand what happened. Was it that the second ringing of the bell revealed a secret room? Correct.

Thank you. Okay, I'm gonna help her.
She kind of hears you approaching. She can't see because, you know, the blindfold.

She begins, like, growling and, like, trying to lash out as much as she can in your direction. Hey, oh, hey, oh, it's okay.

I'm here to help you. You seem like you're in a little bit of trouble there.
You okay? She doesn't reply. She's still very restricted in her movement and blindfolded.

Okay, I'm gonna pull off the blindfold. You see now that she has hazel eyes and full eyebrows.
Who are you? I'm hey there. I'm Chipani.
Pleasure to meet you. I I feel like I set that up for you.

Why? What's going on here? Have you been kidnapped? What's going on? No. I'm here of my own free will.

I love it here. This is so.

No, I'm just kidding. Well, let's...
Just help me, okay? Let me out of here right now. I think we should exercise caution right now.
Yeah, can I do like some sort of

insight? Yeah, like some sort of vibe check. Vibe check, yeah, insight check.
Do you think she might be the one who clawed? I think so. She's very feral, spicy kids.
Ah, yes, a spicy all. Royal one.

Yeah, she's uh didn't doesn't seem to be concealing anything. I'll show you an inspiration.
You do you. You all will free me right now and take me back to my mother.
Who's your mother?

Lorenzo Wolfman.

I'm Benicio Wolfman. What you doing here? I have some bad news for you.
Oh, yeah. Oh, yes.

Don't be so excited about it.

No, I just remembered as well. Sorry.
Have you been trapped here for a whole week? I'm not sure how long I've been here. What? Why? Why? Who took you and why? I don't know who took me, okay?

I can just still hear his voice. It's like it's implanted in my mind.
I don't know. I look if I hear it, I'll recognize it, okay? It was

disturbingly pleasant. Oh,

I did. Yeah.
Or alchemist. Wait, uh.

Why? Because his voice is disturbingly pleasant. Oh.
Wait, wait. What happened to my mother? She went on vacation.
I don't remember. Assassination.
But not us. We did not do it.

Someone tried to frame us for it, but we just happened to be wrong place, wrong time. Also, it might have been my wife, but you know, she's not a bad lady, so don't judge her too harshly, okay?

She died, and I'm very sad about it. Do you need a hug? We lost someone very important to us.
Do you need a hug?

I know that I am not always the best person at dealing with other people, but you all three are terrible at approaching someone who has been imprisoned and traumatized and giving them very sad news.

You've had like hundreds of years to emotionally patrol, and I'm just like a little baby. I'm only like in my mid-30s to late 30s.
I will agree, you are a little baby. Hold me like one.

So you all didn't do it, hmm? Okay. But maybe one of your wives did, and you all coincidentally just happened to find me? Yeah, that's it.
There you are.

Yeah, so it's a long story, but this is basically where I'm from. I don't really know why you're here.
I've never seen you here before. And you live here.
Well, not here. Exactly here.

But just down the hall, a different room. Completely unrelated.
I'm just as confused as you are. At this point, I think Benicia would probably like see you guys because her blindfold's been loosened.

She's still tied up, but she's trying to like edge away a a little bit from you guys.

Trying to be cool and coy about it, but she's definitely trying to put as much distance as she can away from you, which isn't very much.

You might have already clarified this, but for my bad memory, what's the age range of the person we're looking at right now? It's a young human girl, so definitely on the younger end.

Young, like Elka Young, or young, like is looking forward to voting soon?

Probably a couple years from voting, but not like Elka Young. So at

a second. A teen.
Okay. Yeah.
Man, they could have done better with the amenities in this here. We'll say a little bit older than Elga, but she still has a few years to go before voting.

Isn't Wolfman having like an affair with like another lady? Francesca? That's the Optimist wife. Yeah.
Bye, Dan. This is an odd question, but we're just trying to get information here to help.

By the way, and

we're like covering the doorway, right? Yeah, the four of us fill the doorway, probably. The four of you and the bear that I'm going to kill in about two seconds.
Oh, not my bear.

May I? And I reach out a talent to like cut her bindings. Oh, okay, yeah, she's very appreciative of that.
Yeah, I feel like that needs to happen before we start asking questions.

And then I say, May I?

And I reach out and I help her up to her feet.

She moves around her arms and her legs a bit. You know, she's obviously been restrained for a little while.
Chip curtsies. It's very nice.
May I have this dance?

Not really. He doesn't.
Barney doesn't do that. This is maybe a personal question, but it might inform us just a little bit what's going on here.
Do you know who your father is?

No, I've never known him. It could be a sperm donor.
Could be. That's a very normal thing for people to do.
Follow-up question. Were you owling earlier?

I was yelling for help. Maybe it came out like a howl.
Your mother has a very particular affliction that makes her owl in a certain way. Do you share this affliction? We

have a lot in common. Okay.
I'm about to say.

Did she wink when she said that?

No.

So what was the last thing you remember before being tied up and thrown in here? Uh, I was in Atro City.

I don't know how I got here. Like, were you at the parade, or were there anything going on? Like, you remember...
I know you said it was like a week or two ago. Yeah, what was your last memory?

Uh, it's all so fuzzy. I've been tied up here for what seems like an eternity.
It's definitely been longer than the week. You say the peace parade was a week ago.

Did the voice that you heard tying you up have like a slightly kind of British accent, but kind of not British?

Did he laugh like this?

That's my Eddie impression. Uh

no.

That's disturbing, but not pleasant.

I'll keep working on it. I think ultimately Eddie's voice I wouldn't really call pleasant, so I don't know if it would be him.
I'm thinking like the alchemist's voice is pretty pleasant, but...

Because she described it as a pleasant voice. Disturbingly pleasant.
Disturbingly pleasant. That seems like kind of what you describe Eddie as.
Pleasant?

Any part of Eddie's voice you would find pleasant? Like he's always laughing.

He's cheerful, but he's disturbing. He's like the Joker, baby.
Can I go now? You're not taking me as prisoner, right? I'm gonna leave this place and I'm just gonna go home?

No, we want you to help us to help you to help us, you know, because you obviously would probably want to know who did this because they're probably not a good person and we're trying to, you know, solve a murder.

Yeah, and to be honest with you, we're kind of like some of us here don't belong here, so we're kind of sneaking around. So it might be in your best interest to stay close by so we can sneak you out.

But if they see me, they might know something's wrong. I'm kind of recognizable, don't you think? Do you ride bears?

What?

She just stares at you. I mean, I don't know how to answer that question.

She just stares at Barney. Don't worry.
He's known that bear for the last 10 minutes. He's got quite a rapport with it.
Perfectly fine. You should totally rise this bear.

Is that even appropriate? I barely know you. There it is.

You get a little inspiration, die, little lady. That's pretty great.
Micah gets that one. He was a, he joke.
He was quick on that one. Yep, that vibes with Micah.
Another quick question.

Do you get along with Francesca? Do you know the name Francesca? Uh, Francesca? Some people might pronounce it Francesca. Some people might.
Tomato tomato. Yeah.
You mean my auntie Francesca? Yeah.

Auntie Francesca that spends a lot of time with your mommy. All of us are looking at each other going, oh,

your mom's special friend. I always made the joke, your aunt Francesca, but I was like, no, that's too far.

Yeah, I know her. Is she okay? You didn't kill her too, did you? No, she we should have saved her life actually.
Wait, in fact, she was here not too long ago, though.

Yes.

No,

she was protesting. Yeah, she was protesting, and then we stopped them from attacking each other, basically.
Villagers from attacking them. Oh, she's nearby?

I can go find her then, and she'll help me. Your uncle Alchemist is here, too.

Was the voice that tied you up like C Talpho's more masculine sounding voice or more feminine sounding voice? It was like a deeper tone in the voice.

Okay.

I wish we had like the cow says moo book, but it's all the voice characters from the cow. Yeah, we can just start playing.
Was it this person?

At this point, Venicia's gonna be like slowly starting to like shuffle and slide, getting closer to the door. C just before you go, uh little girl, just a few more questions.

Do you remember if your mother Wolfman had like any mortal enemies or like any

like reason for people to be against your family? Yeah, really tick someone off. Well, I don't know much about that.

Look, my mother was very important, and as far as I know, everyone seemed to love her. So.

Well, not everybody. I mean, she did bring everyone together for the peace treaty, so that has to mean everyone likes her, right?

I guess not. There's someone who mommy didn't, but did you also know Robert, Francesca's husband? Yeah, he worked with my mother.
Yep. He did.

Matit steps aside. I don't want to come across as like uh cornering this uh trauma victim.

Prison guards 2.0. Yeah, I'm good.
If you want to come with us, we'll help you find answers, hopefully. But if you want to go, then please be safe.
This place is evil. Everything here is evil.

Okay, well, let's not go that far. Okay, I wholeheartedly agree with that.
But if my aunt Francesca's outside, she'll be able to help me.

Well, I don't know if she's still there or not, so you'd probably be on your own if you left. Let me show you this map that I made, and it's nonsense.

You're gonna want to go through the bloody waterfall and come out at the boat. The bloody waterfall, isn't there a moat? A bloody moat? Yeah,

that's right, down at the tails of dock.

Uh, got it. You know what? Actually, okay, really quick.
I had taken one of those like capes that the battlers wear

and an existing disguise. So I'm going to give her my battler cape.

And I'll say, and here, hey, this should help you, you know, scoot around in a concealed like, if you want to become an assassin, I'm taking on little, I'm going to mentor the next generation.

So, you know, let me know. Yeah.

Hey, maybe if we meet up in Actor City, we can talk about that. Okay.
Are you injured? No, not really. Just a little tired from being restrained.
But other than that, I think I'm okay.

I can cat sleep on you. Man.
Barney, they're coming off a little creepy there. I'm gonna just fall in.

Okay.

I'm gonna go now.

Uh, thank you for the cape and the information.

Don't forget us, so we helped you escape this place.

Be safe. Okay, uh, good luck and goodbye.
Say bye-bye, boo-boo. She kind of does that thing where she doesn't turn her back for a while.

She like walks backwards, keeping her eye on you guys, and then very quickly turns around and runs away down the cluster. I've had cats do that to me.

I imagine like a 50-foot-long hallway where she does that, just all to the very ends.

Well, remember, you're in the clauster at the y'all. I think it was funny, maybe Barney or Chip realized that the hallway kind of corkscrews going up.
Ah, that's right. What a precocious young girl.

You act creepy little man sometimes.

Is there anything else in this room that was left? Any sort of like writing or anything like that? Make an investigation check. Okay.

Investigate. You You know, you'll never let me do investigation.
You always make me do perception. And then I roll a 19 on investigation.
Look at that. Hey, look at that.

I feel like we set a precedent in campaign one with the infinitesque. I leaned on perception a lot more than investigation.

I'm trying to be better about that now and make investigation instead of perception when it makes sense. This is obviously an investigation.

So you look around, you know, you using your background with your previous work, and you're able to find, like, pick out little red frayed threads on the ground here.

Red frayed threads and and uh oh god what was her name Ceci

Cecilia

Benicia my bad Venicia wasn't wearing red was she no okay so we red threads which I imagine would have been on the clothes of the person who tied her up is possibly the best guess I think wait who had a red cloak or a red bow tie oh didn't you guys see people in your like weird dream nightmares who had like some type of red piece of clothing a red bow tie

a red necktie i think Necktie? Mmm. A blonde feller.
Fucky. Feller.
Okay, I think we're doing the thing again.

Yes, Barbara, the answer is yes, but I think what there were two individuals that were shady and unrecognizable in those visions. It wasn't one single individual.

Or at least the descriptions differed. Well, I remember there being like, I think there was two dreams that had a similar person.
Yeah. But then there was another one that wasn't the same person.

Right. And so I just want to make sure we're not doing the thing where we're just mashing everybody together into one person.

One dream, I think, had someone with like a big, like, high-neck coat or something like that, like a popped collar type thing.

Yeah, I feel like one of them was definitely Eddie, but it's harder to do that. One was, I think, somebody with fangs that had the thing.
So maybe.

Maybe if we write in the cartes de Aia to whoever mysteriously holds the other one,

we can find some clue. As you all are trying to figure this out, a lone patrolling Sferatu rounds the corner interview.
We're in a good spot. Walking up the hall.
Yeah, this is not conspicuous at all.

I would, if you guys will allow me, I'm just gonna pull everyone in to shadow, just to duck out of the way. Or I could just run down and distract them.

Because if we're found in this room, I don't want us to get locked in here, because I don't think there's a way out if we're inside and they close the door.

We got Mateed and could phase through walls. You'd be all right.
Has he seen us yet? Not yet. What's the plan? Go.
Do you want to hide or confront? Hide. Hide.
Alright. Could I run out?

I don't think you should be here at all. I mean, I live here.
No, I know, but this hallway next to the door of the prisoner. It's not that far from

her home. Her home was pretty close.
Okay. That's what I'm saying.
All right. All right.
So, Elga goes out, and then the three of you try to hide in this room.

You like, you close the door and try to hide in here, correct? With boo-boo. Sure.
Yeah, make that animal handle checked, Chris.

But I've got the orange scu. I think it gives you

advantage.

It lasts for an hour. Oh, okay.

19 with the goo. Okay, so you're gonna have the bear hide with you, right? Yeah.
Okay. The three of you hide, and Elga, you run up to the Sferatu, who stops and looks down at you.
Hello?

Um, sorry about that. I, you know, I have, I was away for a week, and so I just kind of forgot where my uh room was.
Anyways, see you later! And she tries to just like walk by him.

Make a deception check. With advantage, right?

Oh no, Barbara. Oh no.
I rolled a six. Yeah, you try to get around him, but the Sviratu kind of sidesteps and looks at you and says, you don't remember where your home is? That's unusual.

Well, it's not that I don't remember where it is. I was just kind of being like, man, I haven't been here for a week.
I just wanted to re-familiarize myself with the hallway, you know?

Is the Sferatsu's back facing away from us? Like, has she turned him around? You wouldn't be able to see, would you? You closed the door. Yeah.
I don't know.

I just just wanted to poke out, maybe, like,

point its Feratu, slit throw, and then shrug shoulders.

Somehow, Elga can't see Chip, but knows he's doing it.

I just remembered something we said in the last episode. You actually have advantage on charisma-based checks on this level because it's like your home turf.
So, I do have advantage. Yeah.

Let's try it again. I kind of want it to be low.

I know, right now.

Nat 20. Nat 20.

24.

so i guess he wouldn't have stepped in front of you you would uh you would have told your little white lie and then pranced around uh the side of the spirat tube continuing down the hall thank you for your duty job thank you goodbye duty job i imagine he would watch you like turn and watch you go down and then you would disappear around the bend in the hallway yeah then he's going to make a perception check to see if he overhears the rest of you the other three of you make me stealth checks and elga's kind of just peeking out from around the corner i like to picture like just the top of her head and two eyes like over the stone like sideways looking reminder i have an advantage because of the sneakers all right 25

nice five

at disadvantage so i was gonna i rolled an 11 i was gonna do inspiration dice but i don't think i should use it let it stand yeah bardy rolled a nine and a five just for reference i'm going to roll a perception check here here.

Maybe he'll get a nat one. Fail.
He's got a plus four on it, so let's see. So no matter what, he matches.
That's a three, which is a seven, which is still greater than Barney's five.

So as he's walking by, where you all are hiding, he would maybe notice that maybe the door is slightly ajar, something seems unusual. So he like turns and starts peeking his head in to that apartment.

Can I poke the bear so it goes

like that? Yeah,

let's make the bear angry. No, I'm trying to make it look like a werewolf is in here.
Yep, it's a decent cover. Let's see how it plays out.
Okay, do we want to fight a Sferatu or a bear?

Oh, like, poke the...

Like, can I... Animal...
Can I- Can I try an animal? Just so you know, with the potion that you drank, it's almost like you have it charmed. So you can make it do that.

Okay, so I wanted to make it scratch and, like, growl.

You know,

like... Bears and wolves, they sound the same.
Okay. I wouldn't go to, I wouldn't, if I were in a room with either growling and scratching I would avoid it.

Your honor played.

Chris is doing his salesman little thing in Devury trying to convince Gus. Absolutely.
It's like I was picturing like a lawyer. I may be just a simple old man who lost his family.

I guess have the bear roll an intimidation check? Yeah.

He is brought in a bear. Can I fly up above the door? Like through the ceiling?

Is the door is there is I guess I'm asking is there like room above the door on the inside of this room for me to hide above like where you would put a bucket of water for a nice little prank.

I see it's pretty small since it's like a hidden room. You could like if you yes, I'll say yes, sure.
Yeah, ah, he's a he's a kind man. He's a beautiful man.

And already an arm blade by the side of the door. Somebody walked in.
I rolled an 11 out of d20. I didn't know what the bears intimidation was.
Intimidation would be a charisma based one.

It has plus zero on that. Alright, would you rolled an 11?

And I ready a yeah yes I rolled an 11 and I ready a bolt crossbow bolt silverbane bolt. We're gonna make such a fuss in this place

300 Sviratus come running upstairs.

The bear yelps maybe it's uh it's surprised more than anything and it seems to give the Sferatu pause for a second, but then he continues uh getting closer to investigate the source of the sound.

Cool. Alright.
We do nothing. He begins slowly opening the door.

Chip goes, help! Help me out of here! Help! I'm a little girl, please!

Help!

My name is Finnie!

Shouldn't even be going, hoo-hoo!

Barney looks at Chip and gives a thumbs up, like, yeah, yeah, yeah, thumbs up back!

Mateed readies to be phased through this wall and leave these people forever.

Make a performance check, Chip. What's Chip's performance modifier? Plus four, that's 23.
23. Oscar worthy.
Yeah, your performance is great. Let's hear it one more time.

Been trapped here for weeks. You sound like the gingerbread man from Shrek.

He does. That's funny.

Yeah, that's Feratu stops and then even more quickly throws the door open to look and see what's there and sees the three of you.

I still she was supposed to have her blindfold or mouth hold whatever you call that thing. Well, he might not have known.
I shoot him with a bolt. Also, from a meta perspective, she was being hidden

even in the VEMS fire. Oh.

He's gonna check anyways. It's worth a try.
Can the bear attack and I shoot him with a bolt?

Sure. We'll do that as a surprise and then we'll roll initiative.
Yeah, we're doing surprise attacks. Yeah.
And I'm just watching this whole time, right?

Yeah, Elga's just just still soon soon all right how does the bear attack it has uh multi-attack it can bite and claw do we all get a uh a little surprise attack sure why not okay this thing's dead on arrival then i hope he's got low ac and low hp don't some of you have low hp shut up

so what do we do shut up

while chris is reading if someone else wants to go for it yeah you're more than welcome to mate do you want to what a take an attack yeah i see i stabbed this guy guy with a spear.

No, actually, I throw... I, I,

do you drop a bucket of water on him? I do. It's holy water.
I just prayed over it.

Can I hit him with a sling of sandstorms?

Yeah, sure. Okay.
That's 15. That hits.
That's his AC. His armor class is 15.
Okay, I'm going to roll damage. Seven.
It's also with my... They're called the bullets of walloping.

So they have to hits take a DC10 strength saving throw or be knocked prone. I love the word walloping.

We don't use it enough in like normal parlance. His strength is plus seven, so he needs a three or better.
Oh, dang, he's strong. Nine, so that's 16, so he succeeds.
Okay,

but I also want to make a stun strike and use a key point. And the stun strike is DC 14 con saving.
His con is plus four. He needs a 10 or better.
That's a 16. 20 success.
Okay.

In a surprise attack, is that counted as one action or one attack? One attack. Okay, so I don't get to do my, what I get to do in an action.
So

the way it used to work in old D ⁇ D was you could get a surprise round. Tell us, Grandpa.

Nowadays, it seems like they've changed it where surprised is a condition on the enemy.

So it's like, it's not that you get a full surprise round. They just are under the surprised effect.
And what's the description of that effect?

If you're surprised, you can't move or take an action on your first turn of the combat. You can't take a reaction until that turn ends.
So we get a whole round of combat. That's what it seems like.

This is good. Yeah, I have something that's going to help.
This is basically a round of combat prior to initiative. That is exactly how I interpret that.
So, yes. Then, oh, there we go.

That's what I wanted to hear, baby doll. All right, let's.
What? Are you done? Are you done?

I can do a bunch more. All right.
I got a bunch, too. I do another sling of sandstorms.

That one's a 25. Bad hits.
Eight damage. Ow.
Roll that strength saving throw and then roll that con saving throw. This is the strength success.
That's a 17 plus 7, which is 24.

This is the constitution.

That is a success. That's 18 plus 4, which is 22.
Okay, I'm going to cast...

Oh, no, I'm going to do a flurry of blows. My favorite beverage from Dairy Queen.
I was thinking the same thing. That's a 25.
For your hit? Yeah, Yeah, that hits. How much?

I got a lot of key. You know what? I'm about to die.
So I'm going to burn everything. Push all the buttons.
Yeah, that's what I'm doing. That's damage of...
Yeah, I know we got a bear, but I'm trying.

Like, this thing might have like 100 HP.

And like, it's literally a security guard at a vampire spire. And you guys are almost dead, right? Yes.

I'm at six HP. So sorry if Matit's a little worried.
I'm pretty sure, like, now you still see the top of Elga's head, and now she's, like, chewing on popcorn.

You just see the the little flakes. Yeah.

Seven damage. Okay.
Roll another con

saving throw. That is a 20, 24.
Pooh poo. You know what? Let's do it again.
That one's at 18, so that hits. That hits.
That's another six damage.

And just go ahead and let's see if I can stun you with this final one. I just need you roll a nine or lower.
I need, I got a 16. That's a 20.
You butt much.

I'm getting good rolls for once. I'm happy with this.
All right. Now I'm done.
You may proceed to try to decimate this man. Bear!

Who goes first? Bear! Whichever, you guys pick. Sounds like Chris goes first.
I really want to use the bear. I know.
Can you tell, Blaine? Hey, Blaine, can you tell?

All right, the bear makes three attacks. One with its bite, two with its claws.
It'll attack with its claw first. It's plus 10 to hit.
Okay. So that's a 19.
That hits. Now,

the creature must succeed. Wait, if the target is a large or smaller creature, is it smaller than the giant bear? Yes, this is a medium creature.

Okay, then it has to make a succeed on a DC-18 strength saving throw or be knock prone. Okay, that's plus seven.
That is a 20. Okay, then it'll attack again with its claw.
Okay. Bro!

Wait, did you... You didn't roll damage on that.
Oh, oh, no, I didn't. But that next roll will be a 22.
I'll roll damage really quick. Sorry.
Yeah. 3d8 plus 6.
Piercing, right? You said it's a bite?

The first one was a claw. 26 slashing.
Okay. Got it.
My next attack, my other claw attack was a 22. 22 to hit or damage? That hit? Yeah.
Right?

So it wasn't damage.

That's to hit?

Yes. Yes.
Because I rolled it before I was. You got to answer the question I asked.
Sorry, I misunderstood you. Yeah, 22 to hit.
To hit. Okay, yes, that hits.

So that's 14 plus 6. So that's another 20 damage.
Okay. And it has to make another DC18 strength saving throw.
Alright. And I just, I hear this going on, right? I don't see it.

Correct. I rolled a 20, that's a 27.

Yeah, you hear like a scuffling, and you also would have heard like the bear kind of roaring and making noise, and then Chip yelling, ah, help me, I'm a little girl.

Yep, that's what I'm using.

It was so convincing, even Elga was like, Did we leave Benicia in the room?

Did she come back?

And then its third attack was a 13. That misses.
Okay, that's the bear's turn. Okay.
Chip, did you want to go? Sure.

I'll use my Armblade of the Brother Bing, but because we had a surprise, I also have Assassinate and Sneak Attack.

So Assassinate, you have Advantage on Attack Rolls against any creature that hasn't taken a turn in combat yet. Any hit you score against a creature that is surprised gets a critical hit.

So with that in mind, I'm going to roll the Armblade. Plus a nine, but I mean, do I get it? You said I get advantage, right? Yeah, it said you get advantage.
Okay, all right. That's a two.

I'm going to use my inspiration. That was a nine and a seven.
Yeah. That's an 18.
There you go. 18 does hit.
Okay.

I'll roll the 1d8, but I feel like I just crit on that, right? I get 8 plus 2. Yeah, so 1d8, what you roll plus 2 is a 3, but since you crit, we add the extra 8 onto it, so that's 11.
Okay.

And then I also have...

the

sneak attack. Once per turn, you can deal an extra 46 damage to one creature you hit with an attack, the finesse or ranged weapon.

If you have advantage on the attack roll, you don't need advantage on the attack roll if another enemy of the target is within five feet.

And I think we're all bundled together within like two feet of each other. Yeah, I am his enemy.
You are. And I his as well.
46.

That

is

there.

11.

11. Is that your star? Okay, 11 damage.
Looking at it. Yep.
Okay, got it. Yep.
And then

I think that might mean.

Do you want to disengage or stealth? I'm looking if I want to do some sort of bonus action.

Yeah, cunning action. Yeah, I'll use cunning action to disengage and then I guess block any exit that he would have in order to leave the area if he needed to go like get help or something.

Yeah, it gets all really close. You just kind of like shuffle around him then since you disengage.

It's really awkward though. Like you can hear my sneakers squeaking and I'm like, oh,

I need to go disengage.

Okay, all right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

He He does the thing where he moves to one side and you move. You're like, oh, I'm sorry.
In front of him. No, we're dancing.

Why is my anxiety spiking right now?

In that case, everyone, let's go ahead and roll initiative to stick in official order.

To action, right? Barney also. Oh, I'm sorry.

I thought that was it. Barney shoots him with a silver vein bolt.
What if this is all we had to do? That's 19. That hits.
I hope this is all the episode was written for.

This one fight with a net. And that does 13 points of damage, and it's, if it matters, when you successfully hit an undead creature with this bolt, it deals an additional 3d8 radiant damage.

Yes, that does matter. This creature has to make a constitution saving throw DC-13 plus proficiency bonus.
On a failed save, they become stunned until their next turn.

Alright, what kind of save was it? Constitution saving throw DC-13 plus proficiency bonus. Yeah, I got a 23.
I rolled a 19 plus 4. Okay, well, I'll roll my radiant damage.
Alright.

That's a 15 radiant ouch uh okay

we'll never do this but i would love since this is all just a surprise attack on this guy's entered room i would love just an animation of all of this happening all at once

because it all happens within six seconds yeah it's it's you know two shots of the sandstorm and two kicks of my feet and

a bear attacking like three times and chips stabbing him a bunch of times and and barney shooting him with a crossbow all in a little closet.

All in this, this guy's got a look of surprise on his face. It's like that anime trope where he just has that look of surprise and then he slowly starts sliding in half like he's been cut in two.

Yeah.

How's this guy looking? He seems like he's had better days. Okay.
Roll initiative? Yes. I think you were about to say.
Yes. Oof.
Elga. Nine.
Elga. Yes.
Roll initiative. But am I not?

Oh,

do you want to join in on this? I guess I should. Yeah.
Okay. Why don't you just roll and then you'll have the option if you want to do something or not.
That way we'll at least have a spot for you.

That's a six on initiative. 16 for Mate.

That is a, I want to say it was a nine for old Chip 80. There's a nine for Barney and then for the bear, uh, 16.
Okay. And then I think Chip has hired dex because we we matched, right, Barney?

Yeah, my dex is 15. Mine is as well.
Roll off. Roll off.
We gotta roll off. I'm gonna re-roll initiative.
Three. I rolled a one.

Okay, so you're gonna maintain the nine position, but Barney's gonna go first, and then Chip will go after. Okay, wait, I rolled.
Wait, why did you swap that gus?

Oh, you're right. I said chip will go first, right? No, you did not.
No, no, no, it's it's happening, he's aging.

Yeah, chip goes first because chip rolled a three. Okay, yeah, if I said it wrong, I put it, I put it correctly on my list.
I probably did it wrong. We believe you, yeah, of course.

It's okay, it's okay, it's okay,

yeah, okay. Gus is like only like a few years older than me.

You'll be like this too.

Like we're really close in age.

No, you're not. Enjoy it while you can.
I used to do that to Bernie and Jeff all the time, and then somehow I magically caught up to them. Yeah.
Okay. At this point, you see something weird happen.

It's not a Sferatu. It was the Thalchemist the entire time.
No! I came here to save my niece.

What's happening?

It's almost like the blood from the Sferatu starts congealing into like a mist about him in this space that you're in.

As it transforms into a mist, the Sferatu almost loses its own form, almost becoming like a mist, and the red drops are just shimmering in the air for just a second, and then it goes into the nose of the bear, possessing it.

What? Cool. We're being punished for that bear.
Yeah, this is great. The bear goes crazy.
It's my bear now, Chris.

And begins swiping at Barney. Boo-boo!

No.

I'm on the bears team now. Just FYI.
Switching sides. I've swapped.
I've swapped.

That's a bite. That's a 22.
That hits. Glad this bear's not biting me.
Doing 12 points of damage.

Terrible HP right now, the team. You guys might die.

Yeah. You could have just come with Oga, pretend the bear.

Not suspicious. Then the bear lets out a roar and begins slamming into the walls, then explodes past you, ship, running down the hallway.
Towards Elga. Attack of opportunity?

If you want it, you can take it. Yeah, I take an attack of opportunity as well.
Okay. I can cast a spell as an attack of opportunity

because I have something.

Okay. No, no, I do.
I do have a...

What is it called? Warcaster? Warcaster. Worcester Sark sauce? Yep.
Sorry, Sorry, I'm looking at the best thing to take down a bear.

Why don't you pause then and let someone else go while you look that up? Yeah.

Guess me? Sure. Armblade of Blurbling, because he's just running past me.
So I'm going to take a little swipe. Okay.
14. I believe that misses.
Let me double check.

No, that kind of armor does a bear have. Okay.
That hits. Gus just never mentioned it's an armored bear.

Now it is. For, oh,

something I failed to mention is the armblade has 1d4 acid damage that I should have inflicted on the Sferatu earlier, but because I failed to mention it, that's fine.

But I'll give it to this little bear. Okay.
So that's an additional three points of damage.

Four plus three. Seven.
Okay.

I'm doing nothing. Okay.
Barney. Actually, wait.
Oh, Mate. Meta question.

What happens when something that's possessed, something else tries to possess it? Oh, I don't think that works. I think, like, the second possessor kind of like bounces out because it's already.

Do you want to do like a mental fight? Maybe we could do like some kind of contest. Maybe like a wisdom thing.
Let me see if that's if there's precedent for that. We're learning things.

I'm going to say that it is taken like a slot. And it's already full and you can't do it.
I don't see any precedent or any rules for it, but that's kind of what makes sense to me.

He's that little kid on the bus in Forest Gump. Just

a beer.

cool. Then, yeah, I'll let this bear go.
Okay. Barney.
I'm going to do guiding bolt at the bear and shoot it at the bear. Sadly.

Just FYI, since you're casting guiding bolt, we've never dealt with this before, so I can understand why this is a new thing.

You have disadvantage on casting that right now because it's in melee range. Normally, this is intended to be something you use at range.
It's a range spell attack.

Wait, you get disadvantaged, but I've used it if it's in melee before.

It's on a target that's right on you? I think so. Then, in that case, you should have been at disadvantage then, too.

And I'm only reminded of that because I read the Warcaster rules right now, and it does mention it in there.

Well, yeah, like any range attack, it would be like the example would be like trying to hit someone with a bow and arrow when they're also in melee range right next to you.

It's any ranged attack, whether it's spell or a physical weapon, has disadvantage in melee range. Well, I'll shoot it.
Let's see here. That's a 19 and a 16.
That hits? Yes. Yeah, the bear has AC13.

And that does 16 points of radium damage.

Okay. At that point, then the bear would fall to the ground as it's running out the door, seemingly dead.

But as it's lying there, once again, it transforms into a cloud of red mist and then disappears through the cracks of the floor.

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Well, problem solved.

I like that really nervous laughter from Chip there.

It's just really funny.

So we goofed, and I think we should probably skedaddle on out of here because we probably got way more Sferoth 2 coming our way. Probably.
I think it's an astute observation. Yeah.

Are you guys dumb over there?

I have to be

your house is

right down the hall. I guess during this time, Elga would have skedaddled over to the bathroom and come back.
She's just playing with her toys in her room.

Perhaps we should actually abscond to Elga's apartment to maybe hide.

We should hide. You're right.
Hide.

I don't know what to do.

Alright, you guys want to come with me and hide in my place?

Yeah, let's try that. Yeah.
I feel like that's better than trying to get out of a spire that now has all the security guards alerts it.

I could just walk through the wall and leave, but you all are like, you know,

you guys do not do that. Does the vamp spire, like specifically Elga's apartment, does it have windows to the outside? Oh.
No.

You can't let in sunlight. Right,

I think we covered that last episode, if I remember right. That's why I double-checked, because I feel like normally it'd be, yeah, but yeah.
Why is that, though?

Because Elga's been in the sunlight, right? They're still not fond of it. Okay.
Is there a private, like, exit that they don't have to go through the tails dock? Like, rich people?

You can go swim through the moat. Okay, there's no rich people exit.
Elga, make me a wisdom check with advantage. Secret door.
In her apartment. Secret door.
14.

Growing up, you heard that when the Svaratu take injuries, they don't necessarily, if they take enough injuries, they don't always necessarily die.

Sometimes they return to their resting place and they need a while to regenerate and come back. So we gotta go find his resting place and then kill him to the Seratu headquarters.

Got it, Elga.

Could I share that information with the team? Yeah, absolutely. Just say I shared that with you guys, so I don't have to repeat exactly what Gush has said.

Oh, then let's continue our up the tower. It sounds like we got a ticking clock in that case, because it's a matter of time before this thing rests well enough to then, I guess, alert the others.

What is our objective at this point? Since we have been to the apartment.

Well, okay.

Well, okay.

Well, I'm also kind of curious where my family is.

They're not in their house. No, we have not found your father yet.
And also, everything was kind of torn up and pushed around like someone was trying to look for something, so.

We also did not check any of the other apartments, like asking any sort of help. I know where my family is.

Well, we went to what we went to one apartment and I met a friend that maybe doesn't want to see me again. Which one of you in the party is the tallest? Probably Mateed.
Mati, convisuise.

Make me a dexterity saving throw, Mate. Can I grab the bolt that I shot and then also do my initiative thing? Yes, you're doing the initiative.

When you say the initiative thing, you mean the buff that gives you advantage on initiative? 26. Thank you, Gus, for translating.
Yeah, I just want to make sure the audience understands.

Speaks Chris as well. 26 for Mateed.

As you all are sitting there talking, like your bird sense or something goes off, Mateed, and you instinctively duck at the last second as a swarm of bats flies by racing overhead down the hallway carrying a bunch of rats.

What? Make me a dexterity check now, Mateed. This place is weird.
That's a one. I'm gonna re-roll that with inspiration dice.
All right. Because I'm worried of what this is.
Nat 2024.

A couple of the bats swoop down and try to take Gigi from you. I am glad I used inspiration dice.

Again, you react quickly enough to shield Gigi from them, and then the swarm of bats continues racing down the hallway. The one that tried to get Gigi, could I grab it? With a nat 20?

Well, I said make a different dexterity check for that, because that 20 was to hide Gigi. Another one will be to see if you can reach out in time.
21. 21.
Yeah.

You reach out lightning quick and grab at one of the bats, and you catch it in your hand. Bite its head off like Ozzy Osborne.
Do it.

I was going to have Elga talk to it, but Elga can't turn into a bat again. As you're doing that, two battlers come running down the hallway.
Oh, wait, wait, let that one go! Which one is that?

Why did you grab it? Cause you're trying to take my pet. What is this bat doing? Oh, no.
I told you, dulcun. Oh, man.
Oh, you'd lose. Pay up.
What are you guys doing?

The dwarf starts pulling money out of its pocket and handing it over to the half-elf that was talking to you. I knew I shouldn't have bet on that.
You guys making bets on bats?

That are they called bats?

Bats.

But yeah, we're doing rat bat races.

Ratbat races. Where are the rats? Oh, are you racing there?

Well, how else are you going to rat bat race if you don't have rats? Obviously. So they were going up the spire? Yes.
To where we were at with the door?

Yeah, they came from lower, from the bottom part, and then they're up to where you are now, correct. When we went to the door where Benicia was in, is that the end of that stairway?

No, there's still more. It still keeps going.
That's why Barney wants to keep going up, and he's about to start going. Wait, isn't there a rat infestation here in the vamp spire?

Yeah, you know,

you know it. That's where we get the rats for the rat bat races.
Oh, so this is a means of getting rid of the rats.

What did you bet? Why did you bet that this was going to take my bet? The dwarf starts talking. Well, you see, that's an interesting story.
The thing about that is

that

I didn't bet on it taking your cat. I bet on it finishing with a rat before Scarlett's bat here.
But I guess my bat dropped its rat and was looking for something else to pick up on the way.

Oh, it reminds me of the time when I was young. You see,

it was actually about 10 years ago. I was down in the lower level of the Vam Scar.

And while I was down there,

you know, I was looking for rats and I couldn't find them. And it just so happened that I ran in.
That's what it was actually the day that I met Scarlett.

And I saw Scarlett over there working, repairing the clock. And I thought, well, what's up?

What's out of here? I'm only already lying.

He's wasting your time.

I'm listening intently.

I walked up and I said, I know how to fix clocks. He's ramping.
But I'm the best.

Give yourself an inspiration, die if you don't have one. But I'm the best clock repair person.
So we had a clock off, and it turns out that Scarlett was better at fixing clocks than me.

Oh, what a day.

What is your name? Me, I'm Dulcum. Dulcum Suns and Scarlett.
Okay. Pleasure to meet you.
Anyway, we gotta get after our rat. We have to get after our bat.
Yeah, we gotta go to Erdogan.

Okay, I'll follow my team that's left now at this point up the stairs. I wanted to note that Barney kisses Boo-Boo in the head as he leaves.

Okay. Scarlett and Dulsunth run off.
Chip shoots an arrow into his head to make sure he's dead.

Dulcines.

Double taps the pair.

And Matid looks at Chip and gives a little nod like the call.

what did I miss?

As I was going on and on right then, David slacked, I'm so happy I get to transcribe this. Guess which NPC is not getting a voice actor?

Hilarious.

Okay, so we go up the stairs. Okay.
Yeah, as you continue circling, there's just more doors all decorated differently.

Everything in the hallway seems like it's the same over and over, except the doors change. Every door is a little different than the previous one.

Okay, but they're all decorated like the domicile doors that we saw when we entered this part of it.

Domic they all, the doors all, as a whole, looked the same. It's just the decorations on them that look different.

There was the wooden door that had scratch marks on it that was very different from the other doors.

And then there were the decorative doors that are clearly the apartments that Barbara described with their apartment door look like. Correct.

And the scratched one that you found, that's where Benicio was. When you went in, I don't know if you remember, it looked like a vacant apartment.
It was unfurnished.

Okay, so but it was the size of

same size door, correct. Yeah, okay, okay, okay, yeah.
We go up or our door. Matey goes up.
Yeah, yeah, I'm following Barney. I'm assuming he's going up.
Also, I thought that that was a trap.

I thought that guy was laying a trap. I would never walk away in the middle of something, but that seemed like

he was waiting for Spra2 to come in and back us up. That's good.
But now that I left, did he say something important about the clocks?

Now I'm scared I missed something. Matef comes back up and says, guys, I know everything now about what's going on.
It's amazing. That guy had all the answers.

So, Micah does a lot of writing that, you know, you guys never see. And I do want to, you know, I love everything that he puts into these modules.

And Dul Sunk's traits are a dwarf that loves to hear themselves talk and always finds a way to insert their personal stories into a conversation. I was like, okay, okay, we can do it.
I can do this.

We all know that person in real life.

Yes, I am. Okay, yeah.
So you all continue walking up the hallway. Everyone make a perception check.
We'll call it a perception.

Darn dirty perception. Seven.
Nat one. Nine.
Wow. Eight.
Seven, eight, eight. Nine.
Wow, okay. No, yeah, y'all.

Okay, nothing. Nothing happens.

We see now. Everything is fine.
You continue your roll. Everyone make a dexterity saving throw.
Oh.

Oh, it rolled over from a...

Another gnat one. 20.
17. 8.
Are you within five feet of me? Yes. Yeah, I see we all would be.

Two allies within five feet of me gain bonus to saving throws equal to my dexterity modifier, which is plus two. Why do they get that? It's my that armor thing I have that that blinds people.
Read it.

It's because of my dust plate armor. Oh, plus two bonus to allies within five feet, gain bonus to saving throw equal to your dexterity modifier.
Yeah. He's not fibbing.
I ain't fibbing. We add what?

Okay. Ten.
Plus two to whoever needs it the most, take it. I mean, yeah, I don't think it's going to make a difference.
I think everyone would get that. I don't think it's you.
Oh, two allies.

Two allies, yeah. Okay, Elga and I take it.
We both have 10 now. Yeah, 10.
Okay, so that was 10, 10, Barney 17, and Chip 20, correct? Yep.

Everyone except for Chip falls through a trapdoor in the floor.

Pardon,

I float inside.

You float, and when you lift your head and look around, you see you're in the middle of an iron cage where battlers are in the middle of a brawl with each other, fighting.

Around the outside of the ring are vampires shouting and exchanging money. Oh, wait, so we're in the cage? You're in the cage with battlers that are fighting each other.
Chip did not fall in?

Chip did not fall in. Okay.
So yeah, Chip, you would look down and you see this from above. Oh, the first rule about bat club.

Did it close behind us? Could I float out of it? Yeah, it's still open. Chip's looking down.
Alright, I want to use Steps of Knight so I can fly out. And can I grab Elga?

Well, before you do do that, I want to look and see if there's anyone in here I recognize. Make a...

Just call it wisdom check with advantage. My gosh.
A 10 is my higher role. You rolled a 1.

Hey, I've been rolling ones.

Hey, we're friends.

You look around and no one catches your eye. Maybe it's because it's dark.
Your eyes are adjusting and got maybe a little bit of dirt in them, but yeah, you can't quite make out anybody.

How many battlers are in here? In here, engaged in combat currently, there are three battlers in a three-way brawl.

Try to do a quick...

Yeah, you make your noise and you get no response.

Okay, Quickly not done here. It's good to know.
I was hoping Quickly would be like shredded Brad Pit abs.

You see a sweaty a sweaty gnome jump on top of a young human and just start wailing on him. I really had no idea all this weird stuff was happening right under my feet, but here we are.

And just to confirm, I don't recognize any of them. You did not.
No, but you floated out, right?

Yeah.

And Elga. You didn't ask if you recognize anyone, so.
Right. Yeah, you floated out.
I also caught Gus in a double negative. He said, you did not.
So he did recognize someone.

Oh!

You got me. They said, did I? Well, you didn't ask if you recognize anyone.
You just said you floated out, so. Right.
Well, but then I didn't.

I stopped because I said I was going to grab Elga, and then Elga said she wanted to see if you recognize anyone. In that case, if you're still down here, make a wisdom check.

You telepathically communicated that shame on you. 18 for not picking that up, guys.
18. Yeah, you look around and it's just mayhem.

You do not recognize any of these people, battlers or people on the outside. Okay.
And I guess, Elga, did you want to go? Yeah, I guess I don't really see anyone in here, so... Three.

Floats out. And Matith already floats out, right? No.

Before we leave, does Chip see any, any like folding chairs up where he is that he could throw into the ring?

Really strange. Yes, there is a metal folding chair in the hallway here.
Oh no. They toss it down in the ring.
They say, get it with the chair, do it.

Yeah, the sweaty gnome scampers over and picks it up and begins swinging it around an abrillion that's floating in the corner.

I turn to one of the vampires outside a cage. I say, three emo pieces that that gnome wins.

Three emo on the gnome. I'll cover that action.
All right.

Mate just watches.

Yeah, that doesn't feel so good about this. So Barney and Elga floated out and Matid's down here now betting on the gnome, right? Yes.
I'm leaving you. Bye.
Bye.

I'm gonna make a roll here. Sorry, let me deal with the combat real fast myself.
It'll just take me a second to get through.

Exactly.

I love this.

Rolling a bunch of dice. Yeah, it's so good.
Come on, gnome. I got you.

You can do it.

The Abralion tries to dodge out of the way, but it's almost like the sweaty gnome anticipates it and swings the chair right where the Abralion was going and smashes it to the ground, then turns around and throws the chair at the human that it was on top of previously, knocking that human out on the ground.

Yes. The sweaty gnome jumps up and down in triumph.
The vampire you handed three hemo pieces to taps you on the shoulder, Mateed, and then hands you back six hemo pieces. Six?

Oh, yeah, good current investment. I go over to the gnome and I hold his arm up.

Wina!

Yeah!

Darude rules! Yeah!

And then I scream back, who's next? Who's next?

At this point, I would say some battlers come out and drag the Abrillion and human out and begin preparing the ring for the next bout. Okay.

Alanda and Darude exits the ring as well with them as they're cleaning up.

Okay, I'll fly up. Thank you.
I've got my fun.

Alright, Mate flies up and rejoins. That was fun.

Mate,

don't get too excited about this because gambling is not good.

If you need to talk to someone about it, I'm always here for you. Okay, thank you.
This fight was sponsored by Fang Duel.

Heck yeah. Heck yeah.
Would you all want to leave the trapdoor open or is anyone gonna try to close it back up? What's the plan? Probably close it.

Is there a trapdoor in the floor of your this apartment part of your building?

I think we know why.

Alright, yeah, can we continue to head up? Yeah. Can we head up? And can I look for a good spot to like pull to the side for a second? Like that's out of the way?

Yeah, you spot a marble statue of a caped vampire with a black fang mask that's in kind of a recessed alcove.

Can I go to the behind it and or first check and see if there's anything anyone around there, any traps or anything or just anything suspicious? Make an investigation check. Two.

No, seems totally fine. All right.
Can I actually, I want to keep that trap door open. There is a world in which we have to escape, and then we re-trigger that trap.
And I am not for that, okay?

So I'm going to say we leave that.

Okay, that's a good point.

All right, yeah, so you, yeah, Barney, you step off to the side by there.

And can I pull Chip, I guess, with me? And then I go, Chip, take this healing potion. I'm going to take a quick power nap.
One minute.

And I use that little sand that gives me a short rest and replenishes the spell slot. You gave me a healing potion? Yeah, I give you a healing potion.

Boots and cats in, boots and cats in, boots and cats in. Boots and cats.
What? There seems to be some reason.

From Elga and Matith's perspective, the statue almost seems to come alive and extends its cape over and Bardy and they disappear.

What?

Did I have time to take a picture? I turn to Elga and I just go, finally. Oh.

Yeah, we'll say it was as you were drinking the potion show. All right.

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Are we still doing the role where if you just take it not in combat, you get full effect? Sure, yeah. Okay, and that's 10.
And did I already do my one-minute sleep thing? Yes. Okay.

Cool. So they've like actually disappeared? Like, we don't see them? Yeah, they're gone.
It's not just that they're like concealed by the cape.

No, the statue's kind of reset back into the position it was previously. Okay.
What do we see? I'm gonna let them decide what they want to do first and then I'll get to you. Okay, okay, copy.

Do I like remember anything about what these statues are or do just because I live here? Like what I know? Make me a

perception check, Elka. 21.

You have never seen it yourself, but you've heard stories of hidden parties that happen in the vampire sometimes, and that there are secret ways to get into them and you can kind of hear a little bit of music right now you feel likely oh that's what he was making noise

yeah he was beatboxing well matita i think i know where chip and barney might have been taken to i don't know if it would be your vibe if we went with them

but do you think we should go after them or

i suppose there is an answer to this that is we should

For sure. I don't know if that's the answer I want to give, but I'm just going to point that out.
We

Honestly, a long rest would be kind of wonderful for myself at this point.

You and I just go take a long rest all the time. Can we do that? You can go take a take a rest if you want.
I'm Elga, I will follow your lead, whatever you want to do.

Well, I should probably go after them.

You make your choice. You know, you live your truth.
You do not need to follow these men everywhere they go. You do you.
Whatever you want to do. Whatever Elga.

You know, we don't don't have so much maggots now. Just you, me, and Gigi.
I don't think we could, like, metagaming-wise, actually take a long rest during this, can we? Depends how long they're gone.

I can't answer that because I don't know what they're going to do.

Let's go take a nap. Let's take a nap.
I love it. I love a nap.
It'd be wonderful.

Oh, let's go. Okay, so Elga and Mateed decide to take a rest.
We'll call it that for now. Sure.
Okay.

Okay, Chip, from your perspective, the world goes dark for a second, and then when it comes to again, your senses are overwhelmed. It's like a deafening, blood-drunken rave, black lights everywhere.

There is an identical statue now still by you that has released you into this. In the back of the room, you see a DJ wearing a red robe of mist and a black porcelain vampire mask.

He's floating in the air, spinning a red disc on a stone table that's booming with a deafening bass-heavy music.

Can I tell you what I did as soon as you said that I just got teleported into a vampire techno club? I started playing the blade wave.

I was

here to just kind of be in the scene. I can't wait to hear Micah's background music for this part.
There are various people dancing all around. And I'm asleep, right? Yeah, you're asleep.

Set a timer for one minute.

You're asleep for one minute, Barney. Go, chip.
Go, chip. I'm just going to dance, you know? I've had a really tough time.
It's been a bad week.

My wife is dead, and I'm just going to dance with my son. She's single for the first time in decades.
He's not seeing it from that perspective.

He's seeing it as an opportunity to cut loose, so he's gonna dance. Do you want to dance by yourself, or is there someone in particular you want to approach?

There's a gnome, there's a goliath, there's a halfling, there's a furball. I don't want to like dance up on someone, but like kind of dance amongst the group.

I'll go, I'll go up to the uh to the goliath and just be like, hey, what's up, man? Hey, Earth lady, woo!

It's a uh a pink freckled goliath with one fang who like gives you a nod and is just dancing along.

What is this place? I haven't been to this club yet. It's nice to meet you, Chip.
I'm Chelf. This is a vamparty.
A vamparty. Oh, Chelf, that's awesome.
They love their puns here, don't they?

Barney, you are now awake. What in the world is happening to you? Oh, my God! I'm dead.

You see Chip nearby dancing with a pink freckled Goliath. Oh, Barney runs up.
Chip, where are we? What happened? How long was I asleep? We're in the vampire. Cut loose, dude.
What year is it?

You've been asleep for one minute. We just got teleported in here.
You okay? You never been to a dance club before? No.

Let me show you how to do some dance moves, and then

I want to show off some dance moves. I want to do like a performance or something.
Yeah, let's get a performance check. Okay, that's about right.

It's an eight.

So I start gyrating my hips.

I will say, Barney's very impressed.

But also,

family!

Right, right, your family.

Let's look around and see if we can see any of them.

Do we see any of Barney's family? You see the people dancing on the hall. You see the DJ.
Next to the DJ, you see a floating glass bowl of drinks. And that's about it.

Could we do that thing, you know, whenever you're like crossing a dance room where you kind of like dance and move, you know, like while you walk? Yeah.

To see you don't look awkward while you're crossing a bunch of people dancing. Is it just Barney or both of you? Oh, I'm dancing the whole time.
Chip is for sure dancing this.

I mean, are you following Barney or are you staying on the dance floor? Oh, yeah, I know that this is not his normal environment. He's freaked out.

Chip has had to go undercover in dance clubs before, so he knows how to fit in. He knows how to vibe.
Maybe, maybe you get Barney and you like start bumping his arms as

like to get him.

Like this, Barney, like this.

What was the dance that Chip kept doing over and over again in the place that had the tombs? The

oh, what was it, Blaine? Yeah, yeah. I uh I don't know if you can see it specific cubic shuffle, yeah, yeah.
I'm doing some variation of that to match the BPM of this music.

So you're both uh doing the cupid shuffle, crossing the dance floor, going to the drinks. There you go.
Yeah.

Chip, make me a perception check. Okay.

Six.

Okay. It's always perception.
You make your way across the dance floor and end up where the drinks are. Like I said, it's a floating glass bowl, and it's got a ladle in it and a bunch of cups nearby.

Okay, Barney, I don't think we're going to want to drink that, pal. I wasn't planning on it.

Barney scanned the room for anyone who to see if his wife or kids are here. And then, yeah.
Yeah, make an investigation of perception, your call. Whichever one you want, Barney.
Perception. 22.

You do not recognize Marnie or the kids in here. Do I see anyone who looks approachable? I mean, yeah, everyone on the dance floor.
I mean, you could even talk to the DJ if you want.

Okay, go talk to the DJ. That's what every DJ wants you to do.
Approach them while they're working and talking to you. Barney doesn't know that.

What about shout?

He's floating near the drinks and sees you walk up and leans over to look at you, Barney and says,

There's the name for you.

Hi, I'm Barney Farney. Nice to meet you.
Have you seen my wife and children? I don't know your wife and children. Her name is Barney.
She's she's the most beautiful woman in the world.

Can't say I know her. Sorry.

Oh, all right. Big goals, huh? I'll see you later.

Okay, then, old man.

He uh changes out the disc and the music intensifies. And yeah, he kind of shakes his head.
And you hear him say, kind of mutter himself, Or man's had too much coagulate.

Oh, coagulate, that must be the drink. It's blood.
Coagulated blood. You know, Barney, I don't think your family's in here.

I'm having a great time, but we should probably skedaddle back to the rest of the group. Yeah.
You know, a cool thing about a nightclub is it's perfect for assassinations. Everyone's all busy.

You could fire off a bunch of shots from a crossbow or stab folks. No one knows.
It's great.

You ever seen John Wick?

What's it about? I say, as we're dancing, back.

I'll have to show it to you later let's let's get out of here barney so you make your way back to the statue yeah chip's gonna just kind of grab barney and without skipping a beat still dance and work over to the um statue make me one more perception check chip okay that is

a seven

all right yeah you make your way back to the statue it's standing there kind of ominous looking did i get the perception check no can i do an inspiration die and re-roll that if you want yeah sure do it there we go 14.

there you go. As you're walking across the dance floor, there's like a yellow glow that catches your eye.
And you see that the gnome that's dancing has a dagger tattooed on their leg.

Like a D-shaped dagger that begins glowing yellow as you approach and walk by. It's one of your people.
Oh,

Barney, I gotta make a pit stop. And then I go over to the gnome and I say, oh God, what was the chant that we had? To seek a handshake? Yeah, yeah.
I wouldn't do that. Is there a check that I can do?

But you would know it, right? Because it's like right.

Blaine doesn't, but but Chip sure would know. And they do it.
The gnome sees you, Chip, and reaches out a hand to shake your hand and leans in and whispers in your ear. We are dagger.

Well, I'll be.

If it isn't you, Painey,

keep it quiet here. Yeah, yeah, for sure, for sure.
What was your code name? What's your name? I'm Gamble. Gamble, so good to see you.

Gosh, I haven't seen many dagger folks you on the job yeah i'm deep undercover here in the vamp spire i can't believe i ran into you of all people fellow yanford alum that's right oh go yamford yams yeah yeah

well um you know i don't want to blow your cover or nothing but you know what what you what she looking out what you scouting for maybe we can share some intel keeping tab on the vampires here in the vamp spire Gotta report back regularly and let them know what activity is going on here.

Yeah, gotten any news? Cause

got a couple of things I could share with you. I hear things are kind of tight here right now.
They're looking for someone and they've got some prisoners here I'm trying to get to the bottom of.

Well, more than likely they're looking for me. We've been causing a bit of a ruckus.
I'm here with the party. We found the wolfman's daughter.
Oh,

maybe that's the prisoner they have. That makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, we already let them loose and they're I gave them a disguise and they're regrouping outside of the vampspire.

So hopefully they made it safely. This is gonna be great in Telfordaga.
Yeah. Did we give them a mask disguise? Yeah.
Yeah, we gave him a cloak. Okay.
Well, do you have any other information?

Because I mean, you know, I had to run in with sheaths. Do you have any intel on them? No, I'm just focused on the vampires right now.
This is my station. Okay.

Ask about Dracula. Hey, how about how about location of Dracula? We're trying to find him to get some, you know, information.
I haven't seen him in a while. Don't think anybody has.

There's been a lot of gems flowing through the clawstread. And maybe that's related.
I haven't seen Dragala since right about when that started. Interesting.
Can I ask something?

Oh, this is my friend Barney. He's cool.
He ain't dagger, but he's alright. Oh, okay.
I'm Barney Farney. Have you seen Count Vixie? Hmm, I think I saw him two days ago here in the claustre.

Doing what? He was walking into his residence. Okay.
And

what about Count Van Broth? Try again.

Their house was ransacked. What do you know of that? Oh, has it?

Van Broth. Yeah, I was trying to give him a chance to try that again.

Yes, count. Elga Van Broth.
Nope, you said the exact same thing twice. I know.

I'm looking.

I'm going to... Von!

Von Broth! Nope. Von Broth! Von Broth! Come on! It's Elga's last name!

It's only been 40 episodes? Well, technically, it's been a week. So, it's been.

Oh, really?

This is the first I've heard of it. I should investigate that right away.
Alright, well, what else? I mean, do you got anything else to share?

Because we're going to have to skedaddle and get back on our mission, and I don't want to bug you much longer. That's all I have right now.

Maybe we'll meet up a little later before I take off from the vamps by you. Okay, we could use some extra muscle.
I gotta be discreet. I can't leave.
I have a cover to maintain.

Yeah, Gamble's gotta be undercover. I can't blow him up, you know.
He's probably been at this for weeks, if not months, Barney. I've been here a long time yeah

you seem like you're having a terrible time gamble

I get that all right buddy well it's good old seeing an old yam for your alumni hey woohoo go yams go yams I part ways and we head back to the statue. Okay, yeah, you head back to the statue.

Are y'all gonna approach it again? Like to have it absorb you? Sure. I have no idea what's going on, so I'm like, wait, how do we go back to the realm? Follow my lead, Barney.

Y'all walk up to it and once again, it wraps cloak around you and then you reappear in the hallway. Elga and Matid, you can get a short rest.
Okay, I'll take it. I will use all of my hit diet.

Ding dong clang.

Ding dong clang. Large bells ring in the distance and a voice brooms through the corridors.

Elga, why don't you roll me a wisdom check with advantage? Gee, whizz, I wish I'd taken a long rest. There's a short rest.
Short rest. Either way.

My wisdom is a three. Sorry, a nine.
A nine with advantage.

You know, it's something your father normally dealt with, but you believe it's a that's a like a town hall forum where public announcements are made uh and like complaints are are heard by dracula so like the hoa meeting of some right exactly and they're held in the central hall called a triclinium well maybe that's where my father is going to be and maybe maybe dracula I don't think he really attends this but maybe he'll be there this time.

Who knows? Yeah, you all, you know, hear and then see like a bustling of counts, countesses and their families rushing off down the hallway. Let us follow.

Maybe also Count Vixie might be there too, so we should probably go to this. But you guys, just don't make any sort of scene, okay? Be cool.
When have we ever made a scene?

I ran out of fingers on my hand that I've been counting with.

I can't think of one.

You all make your way down the hall and it's not long before you come upon an open door that leads into a triangular hall with crimson carpet and black stonework.

In the center is a dais, which is also in the shape of a triangle. The crowds give no pause and continue to pour into the hall, pushing and shoving you all closer to the dais.

And as they do, Elga, you see someone you recognize.

It's an eldish woman with dark features, black hair, and she's wearing a navy cloak, matching double-breasted tunic, along with eggplant pants and leather boots. Around her neck is a red ascot.

She's standing near the center of the hall and her eyes meet yours across a sea of ampiric heads.

A look of surprise comes across her face as she moves through the throng of Thanians straight for you with a look of confusion. Pardon me,

but are you Elkham? Yes, who are you?

I'm your mother.

What?

Find out what that means in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Chip points red, red claws, red ascots, red.

Red room. Red room.
Red room.

All right. Thanks for listening, everybody.
We'll be back next week with another episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon. Gosh darn.
Why don't we just find out now?

And next time.

There are many ways little stinkers can support the show: commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us in Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth.

Stinkers like at Nauto Worshipper. I probably said that wrong.
At Moonstick. That's not how you spell that, but apparently that's how you pronounce it.

At AK Men's, at Lofi Beanie, and at WellBe Well Off.

And listeners that interact with on social media and Discord have NPCs named after them in this episode, like Gamble, named by at Travioli98, Travioli98, voiced by Sam Mitchell, at ScrewAttack Sam, Darude, named by at Sleepy Shaman on Discord, Chelf, named by at Chelf, really creative there, Chelf, a Scarlet, named by at Scarlet Death666, and Dulsunf, named by at WellBe Well Off.

You're getting a lot of airtime, WellBe Well Off. Good for you.
Additionally, Benicia Wolfman's voiced by Griff Milton at the underscore indoor kid, and the Sfratu are voiced by David Sonia.

I know that guy, at David underscore Sonia, he's sitting right next to me. The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon is produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger with additional editing work by David Sonia. See, I totally know that guy.

Tune in next time for the thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I don't want to jinx us or derail us, but I think this might be the first recording in months from home that Chris's audio works on first shot. So congratulations, Chris.
You did it. Thank you.

Power goes out right now.

I'm like, don't touch anything.

Yeah, Chris, don't talk.

Shut up.

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