C02 - Ep. 38 - Vengeance in Vainia- Right Off the Batler

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Greetings, all you gargoyles.

Stand in the stinky dragon and quaff our latest coffee.

Brooklyn, Bronx, and Broadway.

It's a mixture of inanimate milk.

No laughter.

It's a mixture of inanimate milk.

A slash of chopped clawed syrup.

A chomp of peanut biter, a skyscrape of coffee topped with Goliath's mini marshmallows.

One nip of this nightly nectar, you'll have a chiseled physique in no time.

Previously, our adventurers trekked through the Talesadoc, the lowest level of the vampire.

After encountering many bustling battlers, busy with burdens from their counts, they eventually ran into Elga's battler bud quickly.

Can the party take it to the next level?

Or will they get served?

Pour yourself a potation.

Let's proceed with this pungent pot boiler.

I was hoping that whole thing was a gargoyle's reference.

And it was.

It was.

Cargoyles, the movie?

The Disney cartoon.

Yeah, what was the guy, the arbiter?

He does the voice reference.

That's Halo, dum-dum.

Yeah, I know, but the voice actor.

You're coming down your audio message, Cindy.

That's just really going to put it in.

We've had some tech issues this morning before recording.

I'm a little on edge.

I apologize.

Everyone is in a great mood.

I got hushed multiple times during that process.

Yeah, you guys wouldn't shut up.

We're talking about work.

It's talking about work.

We're talking about push.

No, there's that one time we're talking about dirt.

Dirt actors.

We be friends.

Hello, my name is Gustavo Sorola.

I'm the dungeon master of a Putrid Party.

I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

What is your character's favorite physical feature of themselves?

Character's favorite physical feature.

I'm going first today.

Hi, I'm John Reisker.

I play Mati Confisci's Cochrane Ghost Monk.

And I don't know if

we haven't referenced your small mouth in a while.

Okay, so

my, I don't know if most of you have noticed it, but I have wonderful tail feathers.

They are

I take care of them very, very carefully because they are very, very fragile.

But I've always been proud of them.

You know, it's important to take pride in your appearance to a degree.

And I take pride in my tail feathers.

We're all looking respectfully.

You may look respectfully.

What color are your tail feathers?

Black with the, I don't know, have we we ever shown Matith's tail feathers?

Because I want to say black with red tips.

Oh,

okay.

Because Matit is black with a red accent.

I like that.

Like a fancy grackle.

Hey, guys,

what's black and white and red all over?

Matit is actually based off of a shrike.

The newspaper.

What's a shrike?

A shrike is a, is a, uh,

for all you bird lovers.

Well, yeah, there's a, I think it's, um, oh, it was a specific one.

It was like an African shrike that had this coloring, something like

It's a bird that catches bugs and then skewers them on twigs.

It's a very cute bird.

It makes little shishka bobs.

Yeah.

Shishka bugs.

Oh, nice.

Yeah.

I'll take that inspiration, Die.

They impaled them.

You've already got one.

You're good.

No, I don't.

Which makes sense.

Hey, they're looking at it right now.

I'm just kidding.

Who wants to go now?

I'm not so mad at you guys.

All right.

I can't just switch gears.

Hey, there, it's Chip Haney.

Do you want a kiss?

No, I'm played by Blenn Gibson.

I'll give give you a kiss.

I'm a level seven tiefling rogue, and I would say, you know, outside of my beautiful gams, you know, I show them off with my five-inch inseam shorts to really show off the work I put into the muscles on my legs and my calves.

I'd say my mustache is great.

It's perfectly manicured.

Shows that I care a lot about my,

you know, appearance.

Blaine is looking daggers at my mustache right now.

It's perfect.

It connects right in the middle over the nostril part.

For those who can't see, Blaine's mustache, while being a wonderful mustache, I think he doesn't like that it has a little bit of a gap in the middle.

It disconnects and it's why don't you just kind of like comb it towards each other like a little comb over mustache?

Yeah, right.

Did you get it tattooed in, like how some people get their eyebrows tattooed?

I can fix this for him real quick.

Yeah.

What kind of products does Chip use to take care of his mustache?

Oh, yeah, you know, conditioner, beeswax.

What kind of did you use on yours?

I use wax, yeah.

Wax, more wax.

It's mostly you want to keep it trim, is what you want to do.

You just want to keep it well trimmed.

Chip melts a candle and then uses that wax on his mustache.

My real-life mustache looks like two caterpillars like fighting to kiss each other across the Rio Grande.

It's so sad.

They're a Greek tragedy.

Exactly.

Well, hello, I'm Barbara Dunkelman, and I play Elga von Brath, the half-elf, vampire barbarian, level seven.

And you know, Elga, Elga has learned to be very confident in her parents,

you know, because she spent a lot of time living and learned that you got to love yourself, and that's the most important thing.

But one of Elga's favorite physical features is her curly blonde hair.

Oh, nice.

It bounces really nice.

And somehow, in the over 100 years she's lived, it's never grown.

It's just stayed the exact same length.

That's convenient.

You never have to worry about getting haircuts.

It's true.

But what if we like?

But my nails grow like I just cut those every day.

So what happens if we like shaved Elga?

Did she just stay like that?

You'll see pain.

You won't see what happens.

You'll be dead.

You will not see the aftermath.

You'll see my fist and then the floor.

I'm Kristen Maris, and I play Barney Farney.

Oh, this is going to be a good question.

Barney Farney.

Normally you do it in the voice.

That's weird.

There it is.

The level seven cleric human.

My greatest feature about myself is my my sense of hearing i hearing

i can hear really well just like the question you heard really well this is a physical attribute yes oh okay it's ears right it's ears okay all right

great lobes my ears look

they just capture all the sound are barney's earlobes attached or detached detached

barney definitely has old man ears where they have just grown longer and yeah yeah it's just that they've gotten danglier and danglier.

Your ears and your nose never stop growing.

Fun fact.

They're probably hairy.

But your eyeballs stop growing immediately.

That's why kids have like giant eyeballs.

That's it for Barney.

Yeah.

Gus, what's your favorite visual feature about yourself?

Well, for the bartender from Infinite Campaign, it would have to be eyebrows.

Very nice and thick.

Much like two capiobaras trying to test.

Yeah.

I wanted Gus to say something like his rock hard six-pack abs.

Well,

that's for Duncan

for Groteth campaign.

No, I just like the idea of your character being the way he looks, but also just like just having the most chiseled abdomen ever.

We've never seen him shirtless.

I know.

That's what I'm saying.

Like, they're there.

We promise you, they're there.

I'm sorry to ask Ned Flanders again because we're multiple episodes.

We're like in the 40s, episode 30s or 40s.

High 30s.

This is 38.

Is Duncan the narrator?

Yeah.

Yeah.

He changed his voice, though.

Yeah, at the end of the Infinite campaign, the start of Groteth, he says he he has a new voice he wants to try out to tell this story.

I must have missed that.

Okay.

Continue.

The subreddit was very nice and pointed out that in episode 20, you explicitly told us when you handed us over the Cartes AIA, this is so you can keep in contact with the alchemists.

And we completely forgot it.

And for episodes, just were like, who's who's talking to us?

I'm so glad you brought this up because I think every time you all talk about it, Mike and I put our head in our hands and have like a sidebar discussion over here, like, oh my God, they don't remember.

That's why you used it recently, like the episode before last.

And that's why he just showed up.

Like, oh, this is a perfect opportunity.

He's there.

He can physically show up and remind you.

His, was it Francesca gave it to us?

Yeah, and Francesca's like, this is so you can keep in contact with my husband.

They alchemist.

Then two episodes later, it's like, who are we talking to?

I don't know.

Mysterious cocktails.

They said that looking at I'm in the land of the dead.

And we're like, oh, Carol, no.

Like, you guys must have been so

much.

It was fun.

It's fun.

It's good.

I like it.

And don't worry.

We did our last episode where we went through a labyrinthian new location through many rooms.

And then it definitely hasn't been a month since we recorded.

And we will remember everything about where we are.

I remember where everything is.

Chris drew a map.

I did draw.

We all drew maps.

Yeah, I drew a map too.

Metaphorically speaking.

You did not.

Yeah, no, I'm.

Oh, Bars looks really cool.

I'm holding out my map.

Bars looks really good, actually.

I have notes on it, too.

Recap time.

Could I go look at the fountain or the Ickers?

Yeah, you begin walking to the north to walk up to the fountain, and as you're doing that, Elga, you hear footsteps around the corner getting closer and closer.

Are they coming from the east?

Yes, as they quickly approach, you hear a voice speaking in hushed tones.

Oh, this just isn't my day.

You know this voice.

It's a young male dwarf with uneven ginger hair runs straight into you and spills a bottle of blood everywhere.

Oh, my ma.

Are you okay?

Elga?

Quiffly?

Yeah, you found Quiffley the battler.

Quiffly!

Oh,

she hugs him.

Yeah, and he gives you a big hug back.

Quickly!

Oh, Elga, you've returned.

Yeah, how long was I gone for?

Like a week or so?

About a week.

Your father was very worried.

You were supposed to go to the peace parade and return quickly.

Oh, well, we did go to the peace parade, but some things happened after that.

We kind of got accused of something we didn't do and then a little shenanigans happened after that.

We've been to a lot of places in the week, actually.

My wife died.

Hi, I'm Chipaney.

Pleasure to meet you.

These are my friends.

Some very tragic backstories that they have.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

You should be.

I should be.

Yeah, yeah.

I'm letting everyone know the light of my life is gone.

This smile, it's a facade to hide what is truly happening behind my dead eyes.

Hi, I'm Chipaney.

Pleasure to meet you.

Well, again, I'm so sorry to hear that.

But might I say, sir, you have quite the mustache.

Thank you.

I put a lot of work into it.

It looks like it.

Is that beeswax?

No, no, just regular wax.

Candle whack.

This is Hoover.

Hoofer.

He's a vacuum.

And also our dog Stinker, but he's less important for some reason on the hierarchy of pen.

No, I just Hoofer's a little bigger.

Wow.

Isn't Hoofer like big?

He's a big goat.

And he's hauling dead animals.

What are you doing with the giant goat out here?

We're trying to take these other animals to the animal dump

place.

Dead bodies.

Oh, the refusary.

Yeah, where's that?

That's just down the hall to the east.

Okay.

He points in the direction you have not come from.

Right at that moment, a bell starts ringing on quickly.

Oh my, I need to leave.

I was sent on an errand I must complete very quickly.

But be careful, Elga.

Something's going on upstairs.

What's going on?

The Sratu are looking for someone, or maybe more than one person.

I was sent down here on an errand before I could find out more.

By who?

By Count von Brath.

Oh, your papa.

My papa.

I need to get to this as quickly as I can.

Just be careful, Elga.

I'll come back and find you as soon as I'm done with my errand.

Okay, but which way is to Dracula?

Upstairs.

Take the staircase in the southeast of the Terrasadoc.

Okay, that's good information.

Okay, I have to go.

Bye.

And he very quickly...

Did he say high five?

Goodbye, Quiffley.

Bye.

Quickly very quickly shuffles off to the west.

Quiffly, the quickly.

There he goes.

Wow.

I could tell that you guys are going to be best friends.

Chip in, Quickly.

Me and Quiffly?

I can use a friend right now.

You should be nicer to Hoofer.

Oh, make an animal handling check.

Okay.

Thanks for reminding me about Hoofer.

That's a 10.

Does that do it?

Or did I use my inspiration die?

I will use my inspiration die.

Okay, you know me.

I know you will.

I'm using my inspiration die.

12.

Well, that's better than a 10.

Yeah.

I like that Chris infuses all of his characters a little bit of a hoarding tendency.

Like, they find stuff and they want to hold on to it.

It's almost as if it's

a trait of Chris.

Oh, I thought there was a rebuttal coming.

He couldn't come up with it.

He started and then it just kind of fizzled out.

There was something that happened on the puppet set the other day where Chris found like just a piece of junk.

It was like some mesh piece of metal.

And he's like, we can use this.

We could put some light through it or I could use this as like a gate.

Yeah, we're going to keep this.

And it's like, I'm never, that thing's just going to sit.

Yeah, Hoofer is beginning to become very restless.

He doesn't seem to enjoy following you at the moment.

Well, let's go to the

take Hoofer to the dump.

Well, this might be a good time for me to re-describe the room that you're in.

Please.

You all were in that hallway, and you had seen a door labeled Scriery.

And you had entered that room.

It's an austere room with a red sigil on the northern wall, just above a kneeling bench, and a bloodstone font in the center, filled with swirling crimson icker.

To the east is a passage leading to an iron door, and to the south, this is where you came from, is a passage that leads to an iron door as well.

So there's iron doors on the south and east walls.

Correct, and you came in the one from the south.

Okay.

And quickly Quiffley said that it was in the east room.

He said southeast stairwell.

So if we go east and then kind of maybe loop around south, we'll find out.

And you had come in this door from the south using an iron key that you all had found, just a reminder.

We found that with the painter, right?

Yes, that is correct.

Okay.

Did we investigate the font in the middle at all?

I think

you all were about to start doing that stuff when Quiffley entered at the moment.

Rudely interrupted.

I should have to go kill him.

No, I was.

I was glad.

No, I wasn't.

Yeah,

at the end of the previous episode, I believe Elga was walking over to the font to begin investigating it, and that's when she investigates it.

She has got quite the keen eye.

There was like a kneeling bench or something.

Maybe those bat eyes, they're so keen.

Yes.

Oh.

Oh.

I guess, should we investigate it?

I'm going to ask a dumb question.

Does anybody know exactly what a scrier-y is?

Where do you write letters?

That's what I thought.

Right.

But what because scrying is the act of writing something on something

or creating.

Is it?

Isn't it creating like language?

I feel like that's scribing.

Yeah, that's what I was going to say.

That's what I say is like I'm going off of like Latin origins, root words.

Root words.

Yeah, God.

That's why I'm asking what a scrier is.

Can I do a check to see if Matin?

I'm curious to see if anyone on the team can answer.

One who divines, sees, or predicts the future by means of scriber.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Thank you, Bimmy Dunks.

You're welcome.

Google.

Dictionary Duck.

Yeah.

Wikipedia.

Okay.

So there's a font, and the font is

Icker.

Got Icker.

Yeah.

What color was the Icker?

Black?

Red.

Red?

But it's not blood.

Did we figure out what was blood?

See if it's black.

Wait, wait, hold on.

You said it was red?

Yes.

So, do you remember the peace treaty where it had all the names of the in red?

Oh.

And then the Wolfman's name was in black because she passed.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah.

So I wonder if that has anything to do with like something that was written here, like originated here.

We should check the

we should check.

Are there logs?

I really wish we'd taken that map.

Map?

What map?

There's a map.

Like the 10th episode on the wall where we noticed the

oh, like in the library of the land too.

Yeah, and we just left it.

Did we?

I thought we took that.

Are you talking about the globe?

Maybe it was.

It was a globe.

It was because he has said this before, and you have said it was a gloat.

Right, there was a sky chart.

There was a sky chart that I believe Elga talked about.

And we've been around into this neighborhood before.

Correct.

Matith sits down at the bench.

The kneeling bench.

Sure, kneels at the bench.

Okay.

And I would imagine it would be in a position that kneeling over and looking into the pool would be

like a normal position.

Your legs been that way?

Yes, I've been that way.

No, that's a good question.

Couldn't the

bird knees are sometimes like backwards, right?

They're backwards like a Velociraptor.

Yeah, but Eric Cochran's.

I don't know.

Actually, now I don't know.

You just like put them back and put your hips on the bed.

You know, kicking.

Yeah, before you kick with the other way as well.

Oh.

It looks like it goes both ways.

It's like a chicken wing.

It comes out like a knee and then goes back.

Yeah.

Okay.

So yeah, it looks like an Eric Cochrane could kneel there.

It seems stable.

That seems like a design flaw.

Make me a religion check, Mateed.

What is

Mate's

religion modifier?

It is plus one.

All right.

Surprising.

At least it's not zero or negative.

Almost a nat 20, but instead it's a nine.

You kneel down on this bench, and it's really uncomfortable because it's very low to the ground.

Okay.

I mentioned that there was a sigil painted on the northern wall, and that's kind of what this bench you kneel down on is near.

That's what it's kind of facing.

What's the sigil say?

You recognize it now because you're here, but it's the sigil of Vania.

It's painted on the northern wall.

Is Is that that upside-down triangle with the V in it?

Right, it's like a red blood drop, and inside is the outline of a white upside-down triangle.

How big is the sigil that's on the wall?

It's pretty big.

Let's call it eight feet big.

Whoa,

yeah, really big.

That's a door.

That's a door if I ever saw one.

Is it high up or low down?

It starts from the ground and then goes up.

Door?

I kick it.

You kick it.

All right, I'll make an attack roll, I guess, to hit it.

Wheeze my talons.

I think 24.

Yeah, you hit it.

Roll some damage against the stone wall.

I will.

I don't think this is going to go over well.

I do five damage.

You know, you like pop up from your kneeling position and then give it a spinning kick very quickly and deftly.

No normal person could do this.

It's your monk training has

adapted you specifically for this kind of stuff.

For kicking doors?

Well, for like jumping up and then immediately kicking.

It's pretty impressive.

I'm a precision tool.

You are a tool.

I see.

I'm not the only salty one today.

Someone's just mad that Hoover's acting up.

Yeah, you kick it, and the wall shakes firmly, but nothing seems to happen.

Okay.

And you asked if you could look into the bowl.

Is that what your question was?

Sure.

No, the bowl or the font is more in like the center of the room, whereas this bench is more on like the northern portion of the room.

Okay, so it's large enough that there's a distance.

I'd just say that.

Yeah, this room is probably like, let's say, let's call it 15 by 15.

Okay.

Do you want me to go look at it?

Yeah.

I'll go look at the

font.

Yeah.

You called it?

It's a font made of bloodstone that's filled with some kind of red liquid.

I keep thinking type.

Yeah, what do you mean?

What do you mean by font?

Oh, it's like Timesy Roman or

the same bloodstone.

Is there any parchment or quills or any writing utensils?

No.

Remember, it's a room of divination.

But let me get back to Barbara and Elga because she was investigating the font.

Yeah, what does font mean in this?

Think of it like a fountain, kind of.

Okay.

Oh.

Okay.

With made of bloodstone with, you said blood something?

Some kind of red liquid.

Red liquid.

I feel like you got to look inside and have visions of the future.

I mean, can Chip look in?

Elga, I think, is about to look in.

Yeah.

Yeah, let's do Elga.

Chip comes and shoves Elga out of the way.

No, me.

Chip, I will tell you what I see, and then you could come over if you want.

Sure.

You look in, and this particular font seems to to be like a big, almost like a big bowl, and it's just filled with this red liquid.

What happens if you put cereal in it?

I thought the exact same thing.

What would be the best cereal to put in this bowl?

Oh, whatever Count Chocola's got going.

Yeah.

What does he have?

He's something chocolate.

Chocolate with marshmallows.

Are there marshmallows in Count Chocolate?

Okay.

Trust me.

Chris is very passionate about Count Chocolate.

I just remember.

As I was patiently saying,

what if you put your face into it?

okay i mean it looks tasty

uh elgo dunks her head in yeah and does a blurbal gurble

oh no

yeah uh you dunk your head into the liquid and yeah nothing seems to happen it's it's it's something gets in your mouth acts quote unquote accidentally is it blood and yeah you can tell that it is it is definitely blood and you pull your head out.

Out from the bowl emerges Elga's bloody head, just gore dripping everywhere.

Anybody know a line from Carrie real quick.

Hi, Carrie.

How do I look?

Splendid.

Happy.

This was what I would look like as a redhead.

Literally.

What about

asking a question or something?

You know, like let the water calm down and then like, you know, try to summon a vision or something.

I don't know.

Um, hmm.

Where is Dracula?

You're asking the bowl?

I'm asking the bowl.

That's interesting.

How interesting.

He goes, that's interesting.

Nothing happens.

We find out this is like a toilet or a bidet.

Make me an arcana check, Elga.

Oh,

eight.

The bowl kind of shifts a little bit, and you get a vision in the bowl of a dark figure on the ground holding a bottle.

Dark figure on the ground holding a bottle?

Yeah, amongst what may be bells.

What kind of bells?

You're on the floor as in like on the ground.

On the ground as in like prone?

Crouched over, kneeling.

Okay.

What kind of bells?

It's hard to tell.

It might not be bells.

Jingle?

It's a very

small little metal things.

Maybe.

Okay.

It's a very vague, kind of blurry vision.

Who you're apt at Arcana?

Plus one.

No.

No.

Plus four.

I have plus four.

I believe Arcana is an intelligence base still.

And I think in the two campaigns we've done, nobody has invested in intelligence.

I have plus four on Arcana.

Do you?

Yeah.

How?

If I was a monk and you had me invest in intelligence, you'd think I was an idiot.

Yeah.

Okay.

And I'm a barbarian, okay.

So you're a plus four?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

All right.

Chip, maybe you should try.

Okay.

Chip, come over to this ball and ask you the question.

Any question you'd like.

I feel like Chip would call it Arcana or something.

Arcana.

Arcana.

Tex Arcana.

Arcana.

I don't know.

What do we want to see?

What's Eddie up to these days?

I don't like that guy.

What is it?

Eddie.

Show me Eddie.

Give me Eddie.

No whammies, no whammies, no whammy.

Make me an Arcana chick.

Okay.

Come on.

Come on, Chip.

Come on, Chip.

Come on.

That's a 15.

There you go.

The blood kind of swirls and coalesces, and it starts to form what appears to you to be like a Sferatu, and then it very quickly fizzles away.

Show us us Sferatu, we might be.

I think he might be.

If this is a future thing and a Sferatu comes in, then we know that this thing predicts the future potentially.

Or maybe Eddie is disguised as a Sferatu right now.

My gosh.

Because I think it's showing current.

Hey, Bo,

show me Barney.

I like that you address it as, hey, Bo.

Show me Barney.

Make me an Arcana, check, Elka.

I just want to see if it's right now.

Yeah.

Okay, the nine?

Can I loom near as well?

Yeah, I want to see Barney too.

Just to help.

I want to see.

Barney, make me a wisdom save.

24.

The bowl and the blood begins swirling, but never actually fully coalesces into a vision.

Bowl, what do I eat before breakfast?

Make an arcano check.

We're just gonna spend the whole episode by the way.

If you're listening, we're getting ready for 90 minutes of hot bowl action.

Six.

You see a vision of Count Chocolate.

No, no, no.

Nothing seems to appear.

So it must be present or

I would think it would be like currently.

Like

what was the definition of Skryri?

Was it vision?

It also refers to a seeing or peeping as in a practice rooted in divination and fortune telling.

It involves gazing into a medium, hoping to receive a significant message or visions that could offer personal guidance, prophecy, revelation, or inspiration.

I gotta say,

man, Google's the fifth player right now.

Where's my family?

Make me an arcana check.

Tombstones.

Nat20.

If you were never going to get mad at Chris looking up every flower under the sun on Google, you can't get mad at everybody.

Some of them aren't under the sun.

Some of them are.

I'm not mad.

I'm not sure.

You're older, a Nat 20.

You see your family like moving around very quickly, like running here and there.

Not like in a panic, but just moving around, bustling.

Then it very quickly fizzles away.

Where?

You can't see a background, really.

You just see them.

Could he tell how old they were?

Why don't you make me a.

Let's call that perception, a perception check to see.

Someplace red.

Because if they were the same age as when you.

Someplace red.

I'm 19 plus 5, 24.

Wow, killing these scrolls.

They look just how you remember them.

Maybe it's because we're in the vamp spire and I'm just on the top of my brain, but like, maybe they get turned into battlers, you know, like they're like helper people.

Not a restaurant.

Okay.

Well, you know, I just like, yeah, I'm just trying to go with a royal where they're going around running around.

I don't understand it either.

I have one more important question to ask.

Is the font.

Mr.

Font.

Okay, bowl.

Who of our party is the most beautiful of our party?

Whoa, that's fun.

Font font on the ground.

You see your reflection in the bowl.

Oh, wee-wee.

I see mine.

Trebo.

I kick Barney away from the bowl.

Perhaps we should proceed.

Okay.

Well, we feel we should come back to this for information, but I think if this is current, present, what's happening happening right now, we need to find Dracula because I think he's up to no good.

Or my family.

At this moment, you hear footsteps coming from the southern hallway where you all entered from, and uh, two Sferatu walk into the room.

Hello, Bujo.

Hello.

What is the meaning of this?

What's going on?

We're looking for the place to dump these bodies.

I seem to have gotten turned around.

Elga is covered in blood on her face.

Miss Von Draf?

Yes.

Are you okay?

I'm great.

Just had a little snack.

What seems to be the problem?

I'm surprised you recognized me with my new hair color.

The scriery is not an appropriate place to be taking snacks or to be bringing giant goats.

Leave here with haste.

And they point to the door to the east.

Dispose of that animal.

Okay.

And the goat.

I see what you did there.

By the way, how did you enter the scriery?

Uh, through the door in the south.

With what key?

The door was already open.

It was open.

It was already open.

It was unlocked.

Someone must have been really irresponsible.

It was unlocked.

Make me a deception check, Elga.

Oh, man.

Man, you should have let me answer.

Sorry.

I think they would be addressing Elga, though.

Yeah.

But I could have interjected.

I do have a plus four.

You got this.

A 12?

Can I use my inspiration?

I could use my inspiration though.

12's not bad.

That's not bad.

They do a check against it.

Yeah.

Oh, this check.

So it depends on what their role is.

So we're happy with a 12?

I don't know if we're happy about it, but.

I'm going use my Spray.

Okay, do it.

Deception.

This is uh, this is high stakes.

Oh, man, not much better.

13.

That's worth it.

It's better.

Because they're gonna roll a 12.

Do I get a bonus because I'm so cute?

What's your cute modifier?

Plus 10.

I'll think about it.

They say, we'll have to investigate, Zatin.

Yes, you should.

You need to keep this place safer, okay?

They turn around and head back to the south.

Oh, I say, uh, Eddie says, What?

What?

What?

You heard that, guys?

I did.

Please keep your guest under control, respond.

Okay.

Don't embarrass me.

Hold my knife.

I can't stab.

They turn their back to you and begin leaving, walking down south.

I grab Chip by his shitty hood and we head to the east.

Does that door we came in, by the way, lock from the inside?

Yes.

Could we close the door and lock it?

I'll say the Sfera 2 probably do that when they leave.

Okay.

They just locked us in here.

Let's maybe put something in the door to keep it adjustable.

Well, we have the key.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, y'all have a key.

Sorry,

you lied to them, and I was like, wow, okay, that must be the truth.

I don't mind being stuck with my deception.

You fooled me.

So, Mate drags Chip to the east.

Elga and Barney.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

And Hoof.

Or Hoofer.

Oh, yeah, make an anal Hanley check.

He's getting kind of stubborn.

What's going to happen if he just completely loses?

21.

All right, yeah.

He's.

You don't need to worry about it.

You're persuading him.

Come this way, Hoofer.

You head down the passageway to the east and you're met with an iron door.

Knock, knock, knock.

No, just the key.

Can we see if our key works on it?

Yeah, there is no keyhole.

Is there a handle?

Yes.

I try the handle.

It's open.

Aha!

Why did you kick it?

Don't want to hurt your feet on iron.

Why would you have to kick a door?

There's a handle right here.

You're right.

All right, so we enter.

Yeah.

You enter and this is a round iron chamber reeking of putrescence and smoke.

The floor is covered in blood and bodily remains.

To the east is a narrow chute and to the west you just came through an iron door.

Then to the south is another passageway with stairs leading up.

Does it look like there's a place where like bodies are dumped?

Probably the chute.

That's what I was thinking.

The chute?

The chute leads down to the room you're in right now.

Like it goes, I should say it comes from above.

Like

someone's inclined up.

Dumping bodies.

Correct.

Okay, so this is where bodies are dumped?

Yeah, there is blood and bodily remains all in this room.

I guess you could put those bodies in here.

Yeah, so this is probably the refuser.

Yeah, I'll have Hoofer dump the bodies.

Or I'll dump them.

I'll pull them off of Hoofer.

Yeah, you pull them off and, you know, I guess just dump them there on the metallic floor.

The floor's covered in blood and viscera.

Is there any value in trying to climb up that chute?

You should try.

Yeah, with the heck.

I don't mind getting a little dirty.

Can I climb up the chute?

I want to climb up the chute.

Yeah,

it's pretty narrow.

You can give it a try.

And shove them in as hard as possible.

This This won't be a problem.

Why don't you...

I got you here.

Hopefully, no one's dumping bodies while you're trying to go up.

I put all my monk strength into getting this tiefling into the shoot.

All right, I guess, Chip, make a...

Let's call it a dexterity saving throw to see if you're able to, because the walls are slick with all the blood and everything, and it's a pretty narrow space.

Okay.

And what do I do?

21.

I'm going to hear what his role is first.

21.

I guess, Mate, if you're very enthusiastically trying to help, you're like shoving him from from behind, like pushing his legs and his butt up into the chute.

Make a strength check, I guess.

Six.

So strong.

Chip begins moving so quickly, you almost, you kind of like miss.

Like

you put your weight into where you, where he's going to be, but he's like already kind of scurrying up the chute.

So you don't, you don't quite, you're not able to help him, but it doesn't seem like he really needs it.

How's that traction on that slide there?

I feel like the sneakers and my rubber, the soles of my sneakers would help me get traction, right?

You begin climbing up and you hear like a rattling noise coming down the the chute, but you very quickly with your high dexterity safe manage to dodge out of the way as some body parts fly past you.

Okay, and as they do that I say oh no, a blade, a spinning blade, ah!

So I guess the rest the other three of you in the room hear Chip screaming and then two arms fall into the room.

It was bound to happen at some point.

I guess Chip's arms turned a different color after they got chopped off his body because isn't they purple?

So now that I'm like in the chute and stuff like that, do I see like is it multiple entrances into this single chute or is it like a one specific room?

No, it's just it's continuing to make its way up.

Maybe that's a shortcut to get.

I mean, that's what I'm saying.

Like, if I just climb this thing all the way and then lowered a rope.

There also are stairs to the south.

That's true.

I was just trying to cut to the chase.

Find the Dracula.

Chase to the cut.

Yeah, you squirrel your way around and the chute doesn't actually really make any bends.

It just kind of goes straight.

So you go straight up and you eventually you start to see some light and you emerge and you see like a grate covering the entrance or the mouth of the chute.

All grate.

Like bars, almost like a jail cell.

Okay.

I move them.

I don't think it's going to work, but I just kind of see if they're like.

Yeah, it's pretty.

I will warn you before you touch it.

It's pretty gross.

It's covered in grime and just like blood and viscera.

I don't care.

That's not going to dissuade me.

He's an assassin.

He's seen it all.

Yeah.

He's done it all.

Yeah, you grab it.

He's got nothing to live for.

You grab it and give it a little shake.

You're right.

You grab it and give it a little shake.

And yeah, it seems like it's pretty firmly locked.

Okay, so it's like a latch on the end.

Time to write a slide.

Okay, then I go, I let my arms up and I go, wee!

And I make another dexterity-saving throw.

Okay.

What if he doesn't throw good?

24.

You're mad.

I mute my spear up just in case an enemy comes down the chute.

You just hear it, wee!

Yeah,

you hear Chip is yelling wee as he comes down the chute feet first and he like plants them and tucks them right under him and pops up standing.

Yeah, there's just the bars at the top.

You couldn't go anywhere.

All right, perhaps we should proceed down Z stairs.

Let's go.

Let's go south.

Oh.

Yeah, because this is exactly where Quiffley said we should go, southeast.

Alright.

Are we still bringing the goat or yeah?

Okay.

Make an animal handling check to see if the goat follows willingly.

Gus is just waiting for him to figure out.

I rolled a one.

I rolled a one.

We did.

Yeah, Woofer's not interested in going.

He's gnawing on the fleshy part of a thigh that he's found.

He's not really interested in moving now because he's found something to eat.

He seems happy.

This herbivore of an animal seems happy eating meat.

I just want him to get home safe.

I think he's home.

I don't think this is a safe place, Woofer.

Dang it.

Oh no, he rolled a one.

I guess we'll have to move on with our hoofer.

And for this to be a factor, we have to continue to deal with every step of the way.

He's eating, right?

He's happy.

Yeah.

I know, but I don't want him to get blooded.

Wait.

Does anyone have a way to do that?

Give me one second.

Give me one second.

Did you say you don't want him to get blooded?

Oh, oh, yes.

Give me one second.

It's not permanent.

That's the problem.

They're thinking about something that I don't know what they've got on mind.

Chris seemed like he knew exactly what John was doing.

I do.

What is the thing?

Oh, it's an item.

That's what it was.

It was an item.

It was a dagger or something?

Yeah.

It was my tuning fork.

Can I banish Hoofer?

I gotta say, I was not expecting that.

I knew exactly where you were going with it.

I'm like, yeah.

So you were happy about this, Chris?

Well, I want to, I want to, but I, but like, um, I can't see.

Hold on.

Well, it's better than being slaughtered.

Who knows what's safer for him, though?

Let me let me look up the spell for banishment because I think it's only sending him to goat hell.

How many times could you do it?

I have another idea if that doesn't work.

Banishment, it's a concentration spell, and the target remains there until the spell ends.

At which point the target reappears in the space it left.

So yeah, sorry.

I try to banish.

Yeah, actually, you know what?

Barney doesn't know this.

Barney doesn't know how long banishment works.

He just knows that I have a tuning fork.

It's true.

I banish Hoover.

Goodbye.

Hoover,

he'll be safe.

I'm sending him to the Australian plane, and Jacques will take care of him.

He's going to be on a farm.

And

I believe there's actually a lot of goats there.

Hopefully, you're going to be in a better place.

Don't worry.

Yeah, he's going to, and we will visit him again someday.

Wow.

What a hero.

Can I give him a hug?

I think he's already.

Yeah, you may give him a hug.

It's fine.

But be brave, Hovor.

I know you will.

He's chewing on a, he's still chewing on that leg.

God.

I cast banishment on this goat.

Okay, the goat disappears from existence.

Barney goes to Mateed and, like, just hugs Mate.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

I think I sent him to Australia.

Could Elgo start chewing on that thigh that Hooper wanted to do that?

Sure, absolutely.

I just wanted to see what the big hype was about.

On the list of planes, Australia's right by Pyroa.

Nice.

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All right.

Staircase.

Problem solved.

Staircase.

Staircase.

All right.

Yeah.

You head down to the south, and as you exit the room, an iron door closes behind you when you enter the hallway and you hear the sound of flames coming from the room you were just in.

Oh.

Oh good, we saved Hoofer from that fire.

You actually did.

You actually did save Hoofer.

Until he died will not appear in about a minute or if I just lose concentration and it'll be burned alive.

100% not a good idea.

Hey, Matip, look at this thing that I got here.

After several seconds, the iron door opens again, once again, and you see that the room is left charred and burned up.

Chip just comes over and he's just like, Mate, Matine, Mate!

Chip, you could go in there.

You're fire resistant.

You're right.

Elka, stop.

And play a little game.

All right, we head up the stairs.

Yeah, you head up a couple of stairs and continue down south through this very narrow passage.

It eventually dead ends and then turns to the west, and you're faced with a door there.

Dead ends and goes to the west?

Yeah, like dead ends, and then there's a door to the west.

Is the door got a handle?

This is a wooden door.

With a handle sign?

Yeah, with a handle.

There is no sign on it.

Can I listen through the door?

Yeah, make a

perception check.

Would do that with pleas, yeah.

Nah, it's 12.

You feel like you hear a set of footsteps walking on the other side.

It seems like it's getting louder, like it's walking towards the door.

Which way does the door open?

In towards you.

I uh open it quickly.

You open it quickly, and down the hall, you see a a lone Sferatu patrolling, looking

in your direction.

Okay.

Okay.

Since I have perfect recollection of anything I see, was it a very long, narrow hallway?

And did I see any other openings in the hallway?

It was a very long, narrow hallway.

And with your perfect recollection, you remember this is the hallway you were in before when you entered the Scriery with the locked door.

So we've just gone in a circle?

Yeah.

How did we go in a circle?

Because you left east from the Scriery, went to the refusary, went south, and then hit the hand.

And then went west.

Yeah.

So that hallway, though, had, I think, another route that we hadn't explored.

Correct.

There was another door

to the south, depending on the south.

From where you're facing now, yeah.

I thought we came in that door, though.

Okay, so you came in from the west.

You won't be able to understand this, but there was a, on my map, because it's just my scrollings.

We got a hallway.

There was a bunch of openings.

One of them took us to like where we met Hoofer.

One of them was from the repair shop.

One of them went to the beastiary, but this one, there was one that we never went down.

So was that door that we hadn't gone down, is that between this door and that Sferatu?

Or is the Sferatu ahead of that?

And we'd have to get past him?

The door is between you and that Sferatu, but he is closer to it than you are.

Was he looking at it this way?

He's walking in this direction.

So yeah, this is the direction he's looking.

Okay, I'll address the group.

Okay, so there's a Sferatu down this hallway, but there's a door that we need to still try out.

All we need to do is we need to get past the Sferatu, which we've done pretty well so far, as long as we are able to deceive them one more time.

So I think that perhaps is there anything we can do to make Elga more believable?

What do you mean?

I'm having a great time showing my friends around the vamp spire.

Is there anything?

There's no reason not to trust me.

I'm very persuasive, but they seem to really want to talk to you.

Don't forget in the Spryri, I saw that I I asked for Eddie and it showed me a Sferatu, so he could be undercover here in the Vampspire.

What would you like to do with that information?

I don't just letting you guys know, you'll get a surprise attack from a Sphrach who turns into a giant green monster, guys.

You look like your good friend Chip told you about it.

Thank you very much.

Yep.

Let's go through.

Okay.

Perhaps Elga should take the lead.

It is actually very fortuitous that we no longer have Uther because he seemed to be drawing some attention.

But he is where he's supposed to be.

He's happy on the farm.

It's fortuitous.

We got him out safely.

In fact, yes, I just got a message from Jack and he's already sent any.

Did he send any pictures?

Yes, yes.

I draw a picture

really quickly with a big smile and I just show

a field of beautiful trees.

Yes.

He looks really happy.

Barney's cataracts are making it difficult for him to be able to tell it.

Now draw Barney's family.

Oh, God.

Okay.

So, yeah, let's proceed and see if we can make this work.

Micah says you could post that on Astrogram if you want.

So you open up the door, and there is a lone Sferatu walking in your direction.

Act like you're supposed to be a.

Yeah, Elga just attempts to stride past.

To the door we're trying to get to.

Yeah.

Okay,

you stride past, and he looks at you and says, Back from the refusery so quickly?

How did you know we were in there?

Because he sent us that direction.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

We took care of business very well, very quickly, very professionally.

And Zigilt, too, I see, handedly animals like that is below your station, Miss Von Prath.

I was doing it.

Oh, that makes more sense.

Yeah, you know, I wanted to give my friends, like, the full experience, you know.

Show them the behind the scenes of how we'll borrow it here in the Vampspire.

Is there a gift shop?

He doesn't answer you.

Okay.

All right, I asked you a question.

Is there a gift shop?

Is there a way that I can like make my wings get big and just cover both Barney and Shay

from like the vision?

Like you could banish them!

Actually, you know what?

Mati just astro leaps right now just to exit this conversation.

I wish I had that ability in real life.

Just like,

I don't want to be talking right now.

Whoops.

Just appear 10 feet from anywhere you can see.

The Sratu says, very good.

And then continues his patrol east back in the direction of the refuser.

Still looking for that gift shop.

Shut up.

I will end you right now.

Do it, please.

Okay.

So we continue down the hall to the door.

Yeah, there is a door that goes to the south.

It's not quite opposite from the Scriery.

It's offset, like a little west of that, like 10 feet west of that, is that door that heads south.

Okay.

And there's a wooden door.

Is it got a handle?

Yeah.

Every door we come across now.

Can we open it?

Listen.

It's trauma.

Okay.

We all have trauma.

Front doors.

I do a perception check to listen in.

Yes, Elka, it's open.

Okay.

23.

You do a perception check to listen in, and you hear like a lot of

clicking sounds.

Oh.

Like what kind of clicking?

Ah, look me.

Typewriters.

This sounds familiar.

Are they all followed by just a

Yeah, why don't you proceed?

Could Elga peek in?

Yeah, you peek in and you see a tall chamber that the floor is stained with guano.

That's a hat poop.

Hmm.

Don't you guys all know that H Ventura H Ventura too?

It taught an entire generation of boys that love dumb humor.

Wano, what it was.

Wano.

That poop.

Okay.

Can I look up at the ceiling?

Yeah, you look up and the ceiling, it's like, like I said, it's a really tall chamber and it like goes up and it's very dark, but you can see there are bats flying about and nesting all over the room.

Okay, you're people.

Nesting?

Is that right for a bat?

Roosting?

They're doing that upside-down hanging thing.

Is there any more openings in this room?

It says a tall chamber.

Yeah, Elga, you also see a door.

Besides this door that you're entering, there's also a door to the east.

Door to the east at ground floor level?

Yes.

Anything above us, like an opening that the bats go in and out of?

Possibly.

It's hard to.

Oh, wait, you have like a hundred-foot dark vision.

Yeah, you can see that there is a narrow opening at the very top.

Elga.

Yeah.

Why don't you

talk with some of these

inhabitants?

Okay.

Hello.

I think you have to be a different kind of version of you right now.

Do you guys understand me?

Make me an animal handling check, Elga.

Uh-oh.

They all attack Elga.

Oh, man.

Six.

They have no reaction to you.

Alright.

Bat.

Elga disappears, and in her place is

an adorable little bat.

Hello, friends!

I don't know why I'm making my voice harder when Michael just do it in birds.

Yeah, don't strain yourself.

Hello, everyone.

It's me, Elga.

Uh, bats, uh, fellow bats, like you guys.

Hello, fellow bats.

How's it going?

We did that last time.

Oh, yeah.

That's just how Elga says hello to the bats.

I'm still learning what it's like to be bats.

Hello, and welcome.

Good hunting today.

The bats are talking.

Good hunting today, indeed.

That's the bats

that we met that had the other goats.

You all don't understand it.

This is bat talk.

Oh, yeah, you just probably.

Well, they understand me.

But if you're talking to them,

it's like you're speaking a different language to your other friends.

Yeah, I'm in the matrix.

Yes, good hunting today, indeed.

Many insects.

Many insects, because that's what we like to eat.

Yes.

Yes, as a bat.

Watch plot.

Anyways, uh, what's a good way to get to Dracula?

Bats.

Can you tell me how to get

to Dracula?

What is Dracula?

What the what?

Banner vampire in Sesame Street.

Are you guys just like normal bats, or are you kind of couldn't you change into anything?

Bats are bats.

Okay, then.

I think these think they're low intolerance.

Guys, I think these these guys are just bats.

I don't think they're Dracula bats.

How many are there?

One.

Two.

How many are there, actually?

So that I can keep my

puppet card count is actually not a vampire on Sesame Street.

He is described as looking like one that isn't actually, because they don't want him to be a vampire.

Yeah.

Just had to say that.

Just wearing a spirit Halloween costume.

Don't get in the comments and go, John, he's not a vampire.

I know that.

How many bats are there up there?

Just a lot?

Yeah, there's quite a few, a few dozen different bats just all over the place.

You know, just flying.

Some of them are, you know, nesting, doing that upside-down thing,

and some of them are just kind of like flying around in the room.

And every now and then, one will leave or one will come back.

The bat looks at you.

The bat you were talking to, Elga, says, Fred changed the other day.

Fred, Fred, into like human-looking other thing, it changed into.

He fell on the floor and got wiped up on him.

Oh, I think that means he died.

That's guano.

Could I fly up through the little hole in the ceiling?

Yeah, you fly up, the bat yells.

Farewell, UAV online.

I'll be back.

I'll be back.

Yeah, it's a very narrow shaft.

Maybe only like a foot in diameter.

And it's several hundred feet tall.

And eventually you follow it long enough and it leads out the top of the vamp spire.

Just outside.

Would you say like geographically, are we at the top of this vamp spire?

Or is this like a separate like chimney kind of like a chamber in the middle of it?

Yeah.

I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.

So like if this is like going up to the ceiling and exiting out is this theoretically the top of like the vamp spire or is this like a separate tower

this would be the very top

yeah

could i while i'm outside could i just do like a cursory glance to see if i could see like any windows that are open or like if i could see dracula standing by a window yeah dracula standing on his balcony just looking longingly out make an investigation check with advantage or no because i'm far away i'll say no because you haven't you're not able to like get up.

I'm not rolling well today.

That was only an eight.

Do you keep your little glasses when you're a little bat?

Yeah.

Little spectacles.

Yeah.

Yeah, you

do a very quick fly around the vamp spire, and you realize there aren't very many windows, and a few that there are are like boarded up and covered.

Probably because of the sunlight.

Maybe do some clicks.

Do I hear anything quickly?

Like echoey?

No, no, no response.

Okay.

Becula!

It would be so faint, like the tiniest little...

Jekyller!

Jekyller!

She's trying.

I appreciate it.

You get no response.

As you're out there flying around, you hear a very faint howl in the distance, however.

Like an animal howl?

Yeah.

Like a werewolf howl?

It'll sound better when Micah does it.

No, I think you should use Gus just for passage.

You've done his work for him.

We're just putting more work on him.

Could I tell if that's coming from like somewhere in the vampspire or somewhere outside?

Oh, definitely outside.

Outside.

Yeah, far away.

Okay, that's creepy.

I fly back in.

Welcome back.

Thank you.

I put out my arm like one of those like hawk people.

Yeah, Falconer.

Could I land on Chip's arm?

Yeah, you land on Chip's arm.

Watch out of that!

I gently place Elka Becker on the ground.

No, you can, I can stay here.

Okay.

Oh, you're like a pirate.

As you all are doing this, the door to the east opens up.

In scurries a battler.

He like doesn't even look at you guys.

He walks up to one of the bats, ties something to its foot.

The bat flies off and he very quickly leaves.

The battler leaves through the eastern door again.

Oh, we have those notes, those letters.

Oh, you remember.

Is this the, what was the room called that we had to?

Is this the aviary?

You would think this would be the aviary.

Okay.

I summon another bat with my letters.

I feel like it would know what to do, right?

Yeah, they're just there.

Okay.

You just tie it to their leg.

I just tie it to their leg.

And I say, go, be free.

Fly this to the post office.

I don't know.

Yeah, you tie the letter to the bat, and it seems like it knows what it's doing.

It just immediately takes off and begins flying.

Do it to all three of them.

Two.

Does a notification pop up?

Achievement unlocked.

Does he get an experience points for completing his side quests?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I mean, nothing you're going to write down, but we're keeping track of it.

Okay.

That means that they're not.

They just delete it.

No, no, no.

I can see it.

The DMs keep track of all.

Yeah.

True.

They know everything.

What about the second one?

Did you do both?

Yeah, I do both.

I do all the letters that I have.

Except for the Cartistia's, because that obviously goes to

the alchemist.

Make me a obviously.

On the first one, make me an animal handling check.

Why don't you chip?

Since we're doing a lot of those now.

Yeah.

This is the episode of Animal Handling.

A little 11 minus one.

That's a 14.

As you're tying the letter to this bat, it gives you a little bite on the hand.

Oh.

Rabies.

No, it's.

Oh.

Oh,

like, it's kissing me.

And then it flies off.

Okay.

Can I do a medicine check on my bite?

Yeah,

can I check it out too?

Yeah, both of you can make medicine checks.

I'm sure it was just an accident.

It's a zero.

I'm fine.

24.

It's a zero.

Chip, you're totally fine.

What do you do?

That wasn't even a bite.

It was like a little scratch.

Yeah.

You had a 24 bar?

It seems like the bite is very superficial.

These are very small bats, so it barely broke skin.

It's only bleeding ever so lightly.

Yeah, but it is.

Can I check for rabies?

It's not the United States.

There aren't rabies in other places like this.

It's okay.

Skipper does this to me all the time.

I'm used to it.

It's magic rabies.

Magic rabies?

Maybe's.

Maybe.

You don't think that there's anything worrisome about the wound, Barney?

You're all good.

Okay,

I go through the door.

The door to the east?

Yeah.

Has it been a minute yet?

Sure, why not?

Aw, dang it.

Is that how long you can be a bat?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'll say definitely since you flew out and then flew around the vampspire and everything, it's definitely been a minute.

Turn back into Elgat while you're up high in the sky.

No, I'm still on Chip's arm.

Yeah.

What does everyone else do?

Is everyone else follow Matit out the door?

Yeah, yeah.

And I want to do that thing that gives me advantage on initiative.

Okay, what was it called again?

Vigilant Blessing.

Okay.

I just want to make sure I know what's going on.

No, no, I just want to keep it stocked up.

Yeah, you walk out to the east and the passageway immediately turns to the south and there's some stairs that lead up.

And then the passageway continues down to the south and then branches off to the west and then there's a door at the very southern end.

Is it a fancy door?

No, it's a wooden, a plain wooden door.

And the passage to the west,

where does that connect you?

Just above the bestiary.

Okay.

Can I listen through what the door?

The door?

To the south?

Yeah.

To the west.

No, the west is just open.

The door's to the south.

The other door.

Yeah.

It's a wooden door.

Make a

perception check to listen to that door.

12.

You give it a listen, and in that one, you don't really hear anything at all.

Okay.

I quietly open the door.

and peek in peek in you quietly open the door and you recognize this room as the cellar how to the cellar We're on the top of the floor.

Have we been to the cellar before?

Yeah, this is a pretty confined room that smells of copper with crimson stained floors and there's stacks of barrels in it.

Yeah, yeah, that's this one that goes to the commissary.

Yeah, then to the east is a swinging double door, which leads

to the commissary.

Oh, God, I'm lost.

Okay, so we don't want to go south.

We want to go west.

I guess.

Yeah.

So we just did a circle then, I'm assuming.

Well, a lot of the circles.

So we're going west down an open passageway.

Are there any rats in the room?

I mean, he said we had to go southeast to get to this

circle.

I wonder if when we were in there.

We did a big circle.

And so now we've gone south.

And then that took us to the bat, the bat aviary eventually.

And then...

I just wonder if when we were in the refusary, we were supposed to go out that.

There was no other way to go out of the refusary that would have

east was the way we came.

East was the chute.

The chute.

And west was the door we came in, and south was the only passageway out.

So

we are negating, we are using up ways to go and so i think going west is is a new way and so that's good okay let's go west so y'all gonna enter the above the b stiery i see you're gonna take that passageway to the west yes instead of back to the south okay missing at home and you don't know where we're going no do we neither do we i do i do yeah you take that passageway to the west and it eventually uh dead ends in a t intersection with another passageway heading north and south have we been here before yes you know that this passageway to the south there's a door there that goes into the bestiary.

And then to the north is the passageway you took that took you over to the Scriery.

Okay, okay, so we are running out of ways that we haven't.

But you know what?

We haven't done.

When we came into this vampspire, there was a direction we didn't go, correct?

At the T?

Uh, yes, but you were told.

One was the moat, the blood moat.

No, no, no, no, no.

There was like the two colors.

Yeah, that was the where you found one was the way to the blood moat, and then the other was where the dwarf was, or the um the painter was, the artist was.

and then you went south from there and there was another tea yes and then you all went west there and that's what eventually took you to the workshop and we never went east correct

i still feel like we've rolled out what we're supposed to do in the scryering what is possible here is there's basically in my in my opinion there's two chances here one there is a place here still that we haven't gone to of these like of this part of the vampire that where that our maps might not have uh gone through everything or we should have gone through east and everything we just did was not the final destination.

Gus?

Oh, I thought you were talking amongst yourselves.

I mean, yeah, it's possible there is that passageway.

You didn't go down to the east.

Should we backtrack?

Because according to, because I don't have.

He's right.

I don't like when Chris.

No, I agree.

I know.

I'm looking.

I have a map, John.

Now I'm second-guessing.

So, you all, as you all are standing there talking, two Sferatu approach from the north.

They round the corner from a passageway that heads off to the west.

They round the corner and run into you all here standing just north of the bestiary.

Hello.

Miss Von Brandt.

We see you again.

Yes.

Anyways, what do you want?

Where else should I be?

Oh, God, come on.

Perhaps on the floor above.

Oh, okay.

Well, why don't you just take us there?

If we had time, we could.

But we are investigating something at the moment.

What are we investigating?

Suspicious activity.

What kind of suspicious activity?

Stop.

Stop.

Stop.

Let's not ask any more questions of the people investigating us.

I saw it in the Scrierry.

Don't talk to the cops.

Don't talk to the cops.

Don't say anything to the cops.

Let's just let people play.

That's fine.

If this is chip in character, it makes sense.

Saw in the scriery that the that when I asked for Eddie, we saw a Sfraut 2.

So there could be another investigation happening, and we need to be like aware of if Eddie is present is a valid question.

So and we have our cover with

what's the suspicious activity like who are you looking for?

What happened?

Out of the ordinary infiltrators.

That sounds really unfortunate.

Can you tell us more about your friends, Miss Funbreath?

No, they're kind of shy.

Anyways, we're gonna go now.

But thank you.

Do you start walking off in a direction?

Yeah, let's should we go just back the way we came?

So from where you are you could go back east where you came There's a passage west that you know takes you to the workshop and then the there's the passage that they emerged from which is just north of that and also goes to the west.

Let's just go to the what to the workshop.

We could do that.

I have a question really quick.

Yeah, what's that?

The sign that said tails the dock where was that sign over?

I thought the sign Tails of Doc was at I believe it's when you first entered let me double

so when we yeah it's the main entrance where you uh first came in that first door you came in before the workshop yeah way before yeah So then, no, actually, no, I'm asking specifically, was it the, when we came directly through after we'd given the password?

Yes, right there.

So was there another way to go that was not the Tails of the Doc?

No.

So then why did they say, why are you in the Tails of the Doc when there isn't another way that we could have gone anywhere?

I think what they asked was, why are you spending so much time?

Down here when we could go up.

Because we're at like the bottom.

Okay, I'm from the top.

That makes sense.

I worried of like, I thought the sign was at the entrance, but if it had been at this like west and east break.

So if we go west, where does that west take us?

So one of the passageways to the west takes you to the workshop, and then there's another one to the another passageway to the west that's just north of that that the Sferat 2 emerged from.

That you have not been down.

No.

Okay.

Oh.

Then let's do that.

Yeah, let's, I guess, see where the Sferatu came from.

Yeah.

Going west through where they came from.

And you all, you know, very quickly begin making your way to that west passage.

And as you're doing so, a couple of rats run out from that direction as well.

Can I shoot him?

With a crossbow with no with his gun.

Barty's got a gun.

Yeah, make an attack roll.

Okay.

I damn don't have the rats.

Because that was another side quest and he wants XP.

20.

Oh, yeah.

You hit one of the rats.

Roll some damage.

Oh my god.

That's six.

Oh yeah, that kills it.

Do you want to take a shot at the other one?

Oh, it's a hamster, am I right?

The other one.

It's a 21.

That hits.

With 10 points damage.

Yeah, so you very quickly uh shoot at and kill two rats can i tell where they were going no they're dead well like where did they emerge can i see do i see like a mouse hole make uh investigation check three nah seems like they were just running down the hallway just normal rats not dead rats Anyways, shall we continue?

Yeah, so you all hit through this passageway, which actually has a couple of steps down.

It only proceeds for about 10 feet, then it curves to the north with some more steps down.

Goes another, let's call it 30 or 40 feet, then dead ends with a passageway to the west then as you make this turn to the passageway to the west you realize you're back near the entrance of the tails dock this is the intersection john slash mate was asking about earlier this was the place we didn't go so now we're back at that t correct you're back at the t um this is the site you did not go just like a back staircase that leads back down that's what i'm saying we we have just now come through the option that i was suggesting which you to come from an east direction you have to come west i have an idea hey uh speaking of barney you see some more rats

uh that's one uh Take a shot.

Should we just follow?

It's coming from the west.

We should just follow the rats.

I think Gus is about to dump as many rats on us as possible.

Should we follow the rats?

Yes,

instead of shooting it, should we follow it?

Yes.

Yeah.

Can we do that?

You're going to follow it?

Or see where it came from?

What makes more sense?

See where they're coming from or follow where they're going.

See, if it's going towards us, like to get past us, then we don't follow it.

We shoot it.

And if it's going back to where, then I say we follow it.

I'd say follow it.

Follow it.

Follow it.

Follow it.

Follow the rat.

So everyone's in agreement that you're not going to kill the rat and you're going to follow it to see where it's going.

Yes.

And if it goes too far, I'm going to use my telekinetic and grab it.

Or we just follow it and let it be a rat.

If it's like getting away.

I don't think it will.

Yeah, okay, make a...

Is the rat a metaphor for us that we're in all in a room?

What is despite all our rage?

The rat race.

So I'll say, Chip, you took point on, I think, I felt like you took point on saying you're going to follow the rat.

So why don't you make me a survival chip?

Okay, 13.

It's moving very quickly, but you're able to keep pace with it and the whole party behind you.

And it goes down the passage you just came from, goes past where you were talking with the Sferatu, and it goes through a chewed-out little corner of the door into the beastie area.

Which is where we found Hoofer?

Yeah.

Hoofer 2.0, here we come.

Maybe there's something in here.

I continue to follow.

I open the door and then see if it, like,

we don't want to lose touch with it.

I'm imagining Chip is doing the speed walking where it's like his hips are moving really fast.

It's a combination of that and then once it starts really going fast and I'm like beer crawling.

All four.

Unferal.

Was there something in the beast here that we...

There's cages.

Could we just look around this beast here?

Yeah, there's...

I'll re-describe it for you.

It's a large, cool chamber reeking of fecal fetidness.

It has straw covering the floor and is stocked with stacked cages confining various creatures along the western wall.

To the east are chains and metal harnesses hanging on the wall and a steaming cauldron of topaz liquid and an ascending ramp leading to another room to the east.

And you follow the rat in and it begins walking around the room eating various things.

I shoot it with a crossbow.

All right, taking a tack roll.

Should we have gone from where the rat came from?

I don't know.

Could I like brush away some of the straw on the ground to see if there's anything

underneath the straw as he's killing a rat?

Yeah, we'll be just having real damage and then I'll answer that question.

Wait, so this wasn't the origin of where the rat came from.

So

we were just following it on the path it was taking.

Yeah, you move some of the straw around and you see that beneath it on the floor is just like old blood and animal waste.

You feel like the straw is just put on top to kind of sop it up.

Yeah, to kind of keep that stuff from being directly underfoot.

Have we investigated that topaz liquid?

I don't think there is anything.

You saw someone.

Topaz is not red.

You think topaz is red?

Is it what is topaz?

Now tell us, tell us, Chris, what color is topaz?

What's the red?

Is that a maroon?

No, it's more of an orange, right?

Orangish-yellow?

I always think of Topaz more like teal.

I'm going to look it up now.

Oh, yeah, Topaz is like a bluish-green.

Am I crazy on that?

What am I thinking of then?

Well, Topaz, the gem, is apparently orangish, like you're describing.

I'm thinking of the gem.

So then, would the gem be different than the...

Where did you both get you both?

I had blue, green.

I had like a maroon in my head, which maybe is similar to orange-ish.

I guess Topaz can also be frosty blue, apparently.

Really?

Weird.

So Topaz is nothing.

Topaz is everything.

Topaz is a is it

rock?

It's not blood, is what that word is.

Correct, correct.

Could I look at the Topaz liquid?

You saw a battler come in at one point in the last episode

and take a drink from that cauldron.

And then they, I believe, they went and grabbed an animal and let it out of here.

Ah, it's the Baja Blast.

We found it in a battler blast.

There actually is a

orangish-yellow mountain dew.

Next time, next time a Feratu comes, Chip, why don't you follow them and see where we go?

You and the Battler?

No, Ferrat 2.

Like they're Ferrat 2?

They're investigating the area.

Maybe there's a spot we missed that they're going to investigate.

They're like super onto us, though.

I'm going to, you know what?

I'm going to take a drink of the dope ass.

What do I got to lose?

Nothing.

Let's see what happens.

Let's see what happens.

What the heck, gang?

Make me a Constitution safe, chip oh there we go that was a better roll that's a two

out of the day

get me out of the vampire i want out of here get me out get me out of here i don't know if you remember but at the start of the last episode i described this as a very chaotic like almost like insanity inducing place and i feel like it's where you all have realized why now you are You are in the tails of doc.

I mean, you are in the thick of it.

And I'm loving it.

I think that that orange or green liquid made uh chip go crazy i'm gonna cast guiding bolt at myself

you take a drink out of the cauldron and uh

uh

it uh it it tastes terrible uh and it almost makes you want to like vomit from how foul it is

i'm getting notes of uh Butt.

Where are the macros on it?

It's all carbs.

It's carbs all the way down.

Pure sugar.

Terrible in a bad way.

It makes you feel tingly all over.

Could I try drinking some?

Yeah, make me a costume sick.

10.

Yeah, you're able to keep it down.

It tastes terrible, but maybe your palate's a little more in tune with this.

I do like that we are at such wit's end.

We're trying to find a floor up, but we're like, let's just drink stuff and see what it takes.

Now we're just, we're just, we're in the escape room part where we're just touching stuff.

Maybe it's like spice where it opens your mind.

Yeah, the pressing.

See what we

At that point, as y'all are doing this from the east, a battler enters the room.

Again, not even really looking at you guys.

Walks straight up to the cauldron, takes a big drink out of it, then approaches the wall to the west and opens up one of the cages and lets out a wolf and begins leading it out.

I grab the battler.

Yeah, please.

How do we get upstairs to the living quarters of the vampire?

We are about to drown you in this topaz pool.

Tell us how to get out.

He points out.

I cast a visage of the astral self and make man and get uh at uh advanced uh what is it advantage on the intimidation check i also just have good advantage on

intimidation yeah make an intimidation check yeah both of us yeah both sure and i make harmless trimmers on the ground for one minute

25 oh i rolled 10.

Don't you have advantage on that, Mateed?

I did.

I rolled it twice.

Six was the other one.

Oh, don't hurt me, please.

Either of you.

He points to the door to the east.

Just let Raymian down, please.

I'm just trying to get my work done.

The door to the east takes us to the commissary.

How do we get from Zeal?

Just keep going.

Just keep going east?

Yeah.

Oh, please.

If it is wrong, I will come and end you in ways that have not been written in the history books.

What color is Topaz?

Is it orange or is it blue?

Tell us!

Yeah, yeah, you're not gonna haunt me, are you?

He's looking at you, Mateed.

My eyes glow even brighter.

No, please.

Just put Raymian down, and you can forget I was ever here.

But just keep going east.

Keep going that way.

Are you talking to you, third person?

Who's that?

Are you a ghost too?

Yes.

Oh, no, no.

We got him.

We got him.

Grab him every day.

Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.

Mission accomplished.

The walls go down.

It's all been a cruise.

Sit right over there, Mr.

Bernie.

All we had to do was torture him with the tails of Doc for two episodes.

Oh, my God.

There is a a door to the east in the commissary we didn't go through.

Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

It's there on my map.

We didn't go through there?

No.

Oh, I think we got distracted because we met quickly last time in quests.

Yeah, you did pick up a side quest there.

I think that's where you were given the job to take Hoofer and then take the dead bodies to the refusaries.

This is just how I play RPGs as well, where I get lost on side quests and I go, what was the main thing?

I head for the east.

I head for the east.

I race.

Please tell me you put Raymond back down.

I throw him in the topaz liquid.

No, right.

I help him out.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome.

And maybe in exchange for me helping you, you could tell me what this liquid does.

Oh, it helps us control the animals.

By you drinking it?

Yeah.

You can dominate them.

Watch.

He puts a chain around a very scary-looking dire wolf, which then becomes very

subservient and like listening.

Do you think we should maybe bottle some of this out of the way?

Yeah, I saw that light bulb go up over Chris's head as that happened.

we have any do we have any empty canisters i have an empty like the jar of the baboon i drank that so that that thing is empty now so i could potentially bottle it can i bottle some yeah would you what bottle some

yeah you had a little bit of extra could i bottle some can i bottle some and drink some and look for a big strong beast i'm right here chris

Please say there's no other animals in the beastiery.

Yeah, you drink some, you bottle some, and there are, unfortunately, animals in the beastiery.

There's a a brown bear in the cage.

I'll take that one.

That's going to go well when you do a bad animal handling check.

It's almost like I picked it on purpose, huh?

Come on, long bear.

What?

I said, come along, bear.

You said, come on, long bear.

Yeah, you did.

Well, you know.

Yeah, the bear emerges.

Are you going to put a chain on it?

Yeah.

Okay, it allows you to

put a chain around it.

All right, boo-boo.

Let's go.

So you all leave to the east, which takes you through Chip and fly just through all the doors so fast.

There's not actually a door to the east.

There's a ramp that leads up into the cellar.

Then east of the cellar is a wooden double door.

Yeah.

Are you going to go through the left or the right, Mate?

I think it was left, wasn't it?

Because we did it wrong both times.

We go through the right door.

Chip and I fly through the left door.

Okay, well, Elga said it first.

She's going, as you are, as Chip and Mateed are discussing it, Elga becomes becomes tired of the situation and walks through the right door.

I think Wright was wrong.

I just like that we were like, we went to Elga's home.

She's like, let me show you around.

And we got lost.

And she's like, it's right over here.

It's right over there.

I must have been done down here.

I'm a very sheltered kid.

Roll me a D20, please, Elga.

Okay.

People listening to the show screaming that it's throughout the door.

Well, they just listen to it.

It's been a couple of weeks for you.

19.

As you're going through the right-hand side of the door, you very narrowly miss a battler who's coming out that same side.

You get there just a fraction of a second before him, and he goes, whoa, excuse me, whoa, pardon me.

Right.

Sorry.

I was dizzy.

I just got turned around.

Oh, he almost doesn't stop.

He just does a quick twirl and then keeps going to the west.

All right.

We go through the doors.

And I assume everyone else goes through the what side?

Mateed and Chip?

Right side?

Left side.

Left side.

Left side.

That's why I and that's why I asked.

Left side.

Left side.

Chip's, Chris says with such confidence.

Boo-boo.

Alright, yeah, you all walk into the commissary, and there's quite a lot of activity in here.

And in fact, someone locks eyes with you, Barney.

Oh.

And says, oh, you're back.

Are you done already?

Where is the errand I gave you?

It's me, Count Twenty Wayne.

Yes, of course I am.

Mr.

Letters, or was he the rat guy?

The rat?

I think it was the animal.

The refusary.

Refusury.

Yes, it was.

Yes.

Oh, excellent.

That's him.

How you saved me so much work.

Well, let it never be said that Count 20 Wayne doesn't keep his his word.

I never would.

It's time for me to give you your reward.

Here, follow me.

And he stands up from where he's sitting and begins like motioning for you to follow him.

Okay, I follow as well.

Yeah.

Me too.

Same.

He leads you up to the northern portion of the room.

And if you remember, this was a large dining hall.

Yeah.

It has like a bunch of people in it.

There's two long tables running parallel through the center of the room with battlers sipping from rusty goblets.

And to the north are a few tapped barrels resting on a bench next to some empty goblets.

Yeah.

He leads you up to the large wooden barrels at the northern end of the room, and there's four of them.

And he walks straight up to the fourth one, and he grabs an empty goblet and taps the fourth barrel three times, and you whisper something to it, and the barrel pops open, revealing a secret door.

Oh, it's that easy.

We could have found it there.

It was there all along.

There you go.

Direct access to the dregs.

Did I hear what he said?

Make a perception check.

I want to do it too.

I was listening.

Doesn't the dregs just take us down to the

best feature?

I listen as well.

Chris was very excited to say that rolled a 13 I only rolled a 10 perception yeah time to save us Chris bring it home eight okay

What did you just say?

Oh, it's a secret, but there you go access to the dregs Maybe do me another a favor down the road and I'll let you know what does dregs mean?

I believe you all were told in the last episode that it's a black market Right.

Okay, so we have the dregs is where we can go to or we have the door to the right.

There is another door to the east out of the commissary.

Yeah, to the east.

Which we should probably go to.

Should we try out the dregs?

I'm curious about the dregs now.

I mean, if we're here.

It's like one of those stores in the mall where you're like, oh, this seems nice.

You just kind of poke your head in.

Before we leave, though.

Could I ask Twinty Wayne, will this close behind us?

Is there a way to get back in here?

Oh, you can open it from the inside.

Okay.

Let's go to the dregs.

Yeah, so you all have a brief climb through a tunnel that opens up into a lively den packed with battlers dancing to jaunty music being played by a small band in the corner.

Off to the sides are more battlers sitting at pub tables trading knickknacks.

We go to the trading knickknacks table.

Yeah, so you walk over to the trading table.

Yeah, there's various battlers sitting around with the numerous knickknacks, a few different knickknacks on their tables.

Is Quiffley in here?

Quiffley is not in here.

What you got, guys?

Yeah, you walk up to the first one you see, and it's a rather plump orc.

He's got a big goblet in front of him.

You walk up and he begins sniffing.

Hmm, you have some of that potion on you, huh?

Mm-hmm.

I see.

Perhaps I can interest you in some of these wares.

And you see in front of him, there's a on the table, there's an axe, some crossbow bolts, oh, some baked goods.

There's like a brownie, and that's all he has in front of him.

There's some more knickknacks on the next table over, though.

What do these knickknacks do?

Anyway,

which one, specifically?

Crossbow bolts.

You have a good eye.

These are silver pane bolts.

Oh, they're magically coated in silver, which is uh not allowed around here if you don't know.

I'll take the lot.

All right, there are five of them.

And what uh what might they say?

What do you have to trade?

Got that potion thing you just got.

Yeah, I've got the some potion I just got.

I've got a bear.

Yeah, that potion's free.

That bear's free, too.

I've got uh these delicious fruits.

Tell me more about the fruit.

Well, why don't you have one?

Don't

oh, God.

You give him the fruit?

Well, they aren't worth much if you're giving them away, are they?

They might make you dead.

For a little bit.

Tell me more about it.

They're secret fruits that when you take them,

I have several of them.

I cannot remember how many.

And I can't remember exactly which ones ones they do.

But let me check my flacks.

Hold up one second.

Let me check my slacks.

His pants.

His pants.

His pants, yeah.

He's got his notes in here.

There's the blood oranges, the mort apples.

Yeah, I got like four or five of them.

I have mort apples.

I can also take hemo pieces, by the way.

Oh, wonderful.

God, I don't know how many hemo pieces I've lost.

I give whatever hemo pieces I have.

But how many do you have?

I don't remember, guys.

I mean quit interrupting if you're gonna say stuff you don't know.

I don't think you have any.

What's special about these brownies?

Is there anything special or is they just die tasty?

Oh, yes, the old bard-baked brownies.

Metagame-wise, you gain 1d10 of bardic inspiration.

Oh, that's actually very good.

There's three bites per brownie.

Oh, if I gave you a marked apple right here, would you be would that be a uh yes.

Oh, that's a good sound.

Sorry, Azi.

Yes.

What is it doing?

Is that him smelling it?

Yeah.

No, he's not like getting up and smelling it.

Like where he's sitting, he's like, his nose is going crazy.

I think the mort apple was the feigned death one.

I believe so.

Yeah, because of the name, the word mort.

Food for food.

An interesting proposition.

Yeah.

Yes, that's a fair trade.

All right, I give him one of my mart apples and I get a brownie.

That is called a brownie of what?

Bard baked brownie.

Bard-baked brownies.

And how many apples would you like for those bolts?

Food for bolts?

That's a little different.

That's not food for food.

Five for five.

All right, I think I have five fruits.

Get them in your inventory?

He bought a bunch, I will say that.

Yeah, you did.

I have one glary berry.

I did not.

That was the one time I didn't add it to my inventory because we were

rushing out, I feel like.

I think he got

four of each.

Or four of them.

Four of two of them is what I think he said.

Because I just listened to the episode, but I don't remember the exact numbers.

Yeah, just say it's four of two of them.

So then we get rid of all of one of them and then keep only three of the other.

And then you said you had berries, Barbara?

Did I hear you right?

I have one glary berry.

Berries?

What do those do?

The glary berry?

Well, let me tell you, it's a milky, grape-sized fruit with red veins.

Grants advantage on perception and intimidation checks for one minute, but the target can't blink for the duration.

Afterwards, the target is blinded for one minute so their eyes can rest.

Perhaps that and some hemo pieces that can get you something that I think would be perfect for you, Miss Von Brath.

What's and what's that?

This bat toll axe.

Bat toll axe.

Yeah, I would be willing to try this.

Again, you can't show anyone this.

This is a silver battle axe.

It's not allowed in the vampspire.

Could I do like a check on that?

What do you mean?

Like an insight check?

Insight check.

Yeah.

If they're like telling the truth.

You bite it.

You go.

Yeah, make an insight check.

She dies when she bites it.

11.

Do you think he is being truthful?

Okay.

Okay, yeah, I'll give up my glory berry for this.

A new couple of hemo pieces?

This is a fantastic axe.

Maybe five hemo pieces?

Okay, yeah.

Five hemo pieces and this berry.

Excellent.

A pleasure doing business with you.

I think you mean axellent?

Axelent.

Why don't you go ahead and read what it says and how it describes that bat toll axe.

Okay, so this bat toll axe.

Love the pun, by the way.

It has Sterling Strikes, which is a silver battle axe, offers plus two bonus to attacks and damage rolls.

Ooh.

Nice.

It has bat barrage.

When you attack a creature, you could use a bonus action to speak a command word.

The battle axe transforms into a swarm of bats that attacks the target for up to one minute.

That's awesome.

When the swarm is killed, or if the target is killed, the swarm turns back into a battle axe and falls to the ground.

You could use this feature once per long rest.

And it also has fanged ferocity.

When you score a critical hit with this weapon against a creature, they have to make a constitution saving throw of DC-13 plus your proficiency bonus.

On a failed save, they take an additional 2d8 necrotic damage.

And on a successful save, they take half damage.

You regain hit points equal to half the amount of necrotic damage dealt.

See?

Oh my god.

That's powerful.

It's almost as if you don't need your fang frost anymore.

That orc looking out for you, good old Jeff Boriarty.

That's his name.

That's his name, Jeff Boriarty.

Thank you, Jeff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course.

Enjoy your bag.

Yeah, he sees he's sniffing the food you all gave him very intently.

I'll remove that from my backpack.

Chip, you have a crossbow.

Yeah.

Take some of these bolts.

I give two of them to Chip.

After all, Chip did use up a lot of his ammunition to shoot himself constantly to get the emo pieces.

True, he's right.

He's right.

The next table over, it's a hairy goblin who begins.

Like, he sees this trade going on.

He's like motioning you all over to look at his stuff.

Really quick.

The thing where the axe turns into a

flurry of bats, I think it'd be kind of cool if...

Never mind.

What were you going to say?

That could be like a cover for her an exit.

Like, if she turned into

that and then just like a smokescreen, but made of bats.

How many axes do you have now?

Like, does that four?

That lady never tells.

I mean, I have three plus the fang frost.

I thought you might have had a fourth one.

The goblin's waving at you all.

I go over to the goblin.

I go as well.

Bonjour,

what do you have to sell?

Welcome to Polaris' table.

Oh, I love you from X Factor.

Yeah, I don't know what that is.

I've got some stuff here.

You want to take a look?

Yes, I would love to look at your wares.

Yeah, I've got some hocus pokes.

They're silver dots.

Just don't tell anybody.

You got- oh, you have- you have- you have silver ears.

That's wonderful.

Yeah, silver dots.

Darts?

Yeah.

What else do you have?

You have a knife?

Cool knife?

No, I have an egg.

You have an egg.

He holds up an it points out an egg actually on his table.

What does this egg do?

If you crack it, a gooseling comes out and attacks.

Oh.

Like a little friend.

Yeah, a little gooseling.

How long does a gooseling last?

What's the life expectancy of a goozling?

Yeah.

How many goose does a goose goose goose?

There's a gooseling, gooseling, goose.

Until, you know, until it dies.

It's a permanent, it's an actual little gooseling?

Yeah.

You know, like, um,

ooze.

Not a goose.

A gooseling.

Gooseling.

Gooseling.

Yeah, and I get this bag of magic chips.

No, no, I'm chip.

This is for you, then bag of magic chips.

Magic chips.

Magic chips.

You can see it's a confetti-colored bag and it's labeled variety fun pack.

Oh, this sounds fun.

Like, what does it do?

Sour screaming onion.

Does it give any sort of buffer?

Is it just a delicious?

Is it just a delicious snack?

A boo-rat.

I bet you've got random effects.

Yeah, all kinds.

Tear-fried onions.

Meta-speaking, there's often like items in D ⁇ D that just do random magic.

Meta, meta-speaking, this is an item that was created in Discord with first members.

What?

The goozling egg and the bag of magic chips or something.

How much was it chips?

I have no cost.

I'm

priceless.

You need to put more value in yourself, friend, okay?

Oh, your friend's name is Chip 2.

It is.

Oh, a chip chip discount.

I think that would be very wonderful of you to do.

So, two hemo pieces.

Sure.

I'll buy it for you.

No, I'm buying it for you.

No, I'll buy it for you.

No, no, no, I insist.

I insist.

I hand over my two pieces.

I take them and I throw them across the room and I give him my two pieces.

I go back and then I bring back 30.

Give me your knife.

All right, so you can write.

So one of you deduct two hemo hemo pieces and write bag of magic chips.

Wait, and what were those dart things?

Someone doing those darts.

Pocus pokes, they're, are they like throwing darts?

Yeah, three silver darts.

Oh, that's a broke thingy.

Yeah, that's pretty cool.

What do they do?

They're just silver?

Plus two.

You're just throwing numbers and words at me.

Plus two.

Plus two what?

Attacking damage.

Oh, okay.

How much are those again?

Two silver?

Three silver?

Uh, four hemo pieces.

I feel like I feel like if we might be uh fighting some Skaraptu at some point, this would be very helpful.

How about that chip discount?

Three hemo pieces.

Sure, how many got how How much does three buy?

Uh, three dots.

Three darts for three hemo pieces.

Yeah.

Okay.

One each.

Yeah, I take him.

And then the uh goose thing egg, how much for that?

Would you trade?

Yeah, what do you got?

I got a more tapple.

Oh, food's his thing.

And he points over at uh

at Jeff Boriarty.

An egg.

A food for food.

Food for food?

Uh, yes, you're okay.

Okay.

You all hear a scream down the hall.

Who cares?

Coming from the other direction.

Then voices are shouting.

Tell the truth.

Let go.

I don't know anything.

Barney, that second voice is unmistakable.

It's her, you know it.

She's in trouble, though.

What are you gonna do?

What?

You know that voice.

She's just down the hallway you were just in.

I run.

You see her.

A Sferatu is gripping her arm and won't let go.

But she's not alone.

Two young boys run up and start throwing their fists against Sferatu's wings, but it easily knocks himself to the ground.

It's up to you, Barney.

Your family needs you.

Marnie needs you.

What?

Barney?

Barney?

That's adorable.

I shoot him with a crossbolt.

We'll find out if that gets in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I want to call out that I said that.

I said, this sounds like they might be battlers because they're rushing around.

We were like, oh my god, Chip is inadvertently the greatest detective in the world.

Thank you.

All right, find out what that's all about in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Barney, your family.

Barney and Bernie.

What are your kids' names?

There are many ways little stinkers can support the show, commenting on social media, rating us on podcast services, interacting with us on Discord, or telling friends about the show by word of mouth.

Stinkers like at FakeAccount to GetHisName on Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Hmm.

Also at Minring, at idiot with Ideas, at Truffled Barrel, and at Planet of Cows.

Listeners that interacted with us on social media and Discord had NPCs named after them this episode, like Quiffly, Elga's Battler, named by at Ari the Ace, voiced by Ben Ernst at Halcyon underscore Ben.

Aramian, the nervous laughing battler at Dino SA on social media.

Twenty Wayne by at BB on social media.

Jeff Boriarty, the Dregs Merchant Battler at Duffinator56 on First, voiced by Hector Gonzalez at HBAG22.

And finally, Polaris, the Dregs Merchant Battler by Polar Bear TC on First, voiced by Cody Hawkins Hopkins at Hot Hand Hawkins.

Additionally, the Sferatu are voiced by David Sonye at David underscore Sonye, another guy.

And Marty Farney is voiced by Caroline Grossman at Caroline underscore Constnar.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook.

Written, edited, and composed by Michael Reisinger, with additional editing and producing work by David Sonye.

Tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

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