C02 - Ep. 35 - Vengeance in Vainia - Velcome to Vainia

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Good day to all you Devas.

Soar on into the stinky dragon, knock back our latest latte, peanut butter angelic.

It's a mixture of gourmet peanut bludger, two shots of healing touch espresso, a spoonful of ethically treated cream, and topped with chain-shaped grape syrup.

One drop of this divine drink is enough to spring your wings while singing at a wingding.

Previously, our adventurers uncovered clues corresponding to Carol's demise.

Then they caught up on correspondence via cockatrice.

Finally, they were visited by strange visions in their sleep.

Pour yourself a potation and proceed with this pungent potboiler.

Hello, everyone.

Welcome to Tales of the Mystic Dragon.

I'm your dungeon master Gustavo Sorolo.

I'm going to hit our four players with an arrow.

Shoot us, get us!

Damio.

Speak, dear.

Hit me.

What is happening, please?

I hate this.

All right.

Thanks for listening, everyone.

It's called Yes And.

We did it.

Barb started it.

Barb started it.

All right.

What is your character's favorite time of day?

I feel like everyone across the board night.

It's got to be right now.

Hi, I'm Chris Damaris.

Hello, Chris Damaris.

Woo, Chris.

Chris.

Class, Chris, Chris.

Chris in the room.

And I play Barney Farney, the human cleric.

Yeah, but

you guys don't know every time.

This episode is three hours long.

And

my favorite time of day is sunrise when the sun's...

Peeking out and it's brightening the day and the night's over and you get started of a brand new day.

I also wake up pretty early.

I wake up at about, you know,

4 a.m.

every morning.

That's early.

Wow.

I also go to bed at 6 p.m.

Not so early.

It's hard for Farty to travel.

He's the worst Twilight monk ever.

He goes to bed before Twilight.

Twilight?

It's 6 p.m.

Maybe it's winter.

It's like the end of the day for him.

It's Twilight.

He's done.

That's my preferred schedule.

Yeah, like when does Old Man End and Cleric begin, you know?

Like, because old men and you know, going to bed early and having the, you know, early bird dinner and all that stuff, but cleric, Twilight Cleric should be up at night.

The sun comes out and the evil things go away and the day begins.

I don't like you looking at me when you're saying these.

Welcome to my life.

He's always like, hey,

this is going to be one of those references that five people will get.

There'll be one person in this room who will get it.

You sound like Charlie Brown at the beginning of the Charlie Brown Broadway musical.

He starts off the whole musical being like, oh, it's such a good day.

The sun's coming out.

Nothing bad can happen.

It's a very Charlie Brown moment.

It's a Charlie Brown musical?

It's great.

It's Christian Chenewit.

It's like basically premiere thing that she was.

She was Sally.

I want there to be a musical for this.

Someone should make a Stinky Dragon musical.

That would be...

With Micah.

Of course.

If only we had a musician.

We've already gotten puppets, and so musicals would be the other like biggest.

Who would play us?

I want to be in it, but I don't want to be me.

This is a different.

era.

This is

a different era.

Say there, uh, well, hello.

I'm Barbara Dunklin.

I play Elga.

Yeah, main character.

Okay, Elga Barbara Rass.

Star of Campaign Two of Stinky Dragon Adventures.

I play the female barbarian half-elf vampire.

I did a different order this time.

Yeah.

And

a flex.

Sorry, Elga is still waking up here.

Elga, favorite time of day.

To nobody's surprise, surprise is the middle of the night.

It's very peaceful.

Most people are asleep.

Barney is asleep.

Yeah, I just get to enjoy my time and you know hang out.

Not upside down necessarily.

But you know, I enjoy the middle of the night.

That's a good to know.

But I think everyone prefers the time when they can get away from Barney for a little while.

What?

No, no, no, no.

You're not supposed to be here.

I mean, that starts at 6 p.m.

We're good.

Just in time for prime time television.

Want me to go next?

No, no, no.

I'll go next.

Hold your horsies.

Sorry.

Sorry, that was, I came off really aggro.

No, it's fine.

You're good.

Well, I don't think saying horsies could ever be aggro.

Hold your horsies from our horse girl.

Hey, it's me, local horse girl, Blenn Gibson.

Horse girl.

I play Chip Haney, the Tafling Rogue.

He's a level seven.

And my favorite time is about the hours between 4:30 to 5.30 a.m.

I fail.

Like, that is the optimal time to hide a dead body.

But you got to watch out.

You got to watch out for a couple things.

You got to watch out for

joggers.

You got to watch out for Barneys, old people.

But I mean, I find that that's a good time to hide the corpses because no one's up.

You know, that's too late to be up partying.

It's too early to be up working out.

Perfect time for hiding bodies.

Could you use like Barneys to help you hide the bodies?

Yeah, you could be like, hey there, old gentleman, sir, can you help me carry this large carpet?

Because

they're just happy to have attention, right?

Like they just want to talk.

They don't care what they're doing.

Now I want a remake of Bodies, Bodies, Bodies, but it's Barneys, Barneys, Barney.

I'll tell you for a fact, you can carry a body bag through the city in the middle of the day.

People don't care.

Oh, yeah.

You did that on your show, Social Disorder, right?

I remember that.

I forgot about that.

I was like early Rooster Teeth days filming that, and I just remember just like yeah that's a social experiment show you could see on roosterteeth.com production company that we work for go check it out my jacket off i just got shivered

thinking about that show what's the climate like in wisconsin is it cold because if it's cold that makes it hard to like bury bodies oh yeah it's real frigid this time of year the ground's like hard yeah yeah you got you get real good at uh digging and snow plowing though it's fine the bodies you know you can look for the lakes yeah so what about out on the lake you can carve like a

hole yeah like do some do some quote-unquote ice fishing.

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

I get it now.

Okay.

So confused.

What?

What do you guys think?

Disposing bodies.

Oh, ice fishing.

Yeah, like

you cut a hole, drop them down.

Drop them down.

And then someone else will find it.

Yeah.

We should stop talking about that.

My name's John Reisinger.

I play Mati Confisu.

Jeez.

The Archochron Ghost Monk.

And it's interesting.

Yeah, I thought that most of the times that people would say would be the evening, but I'm going to be with the gentleman here.

Of course, as a baker, I like the mornings.

It's the time to get all of your preparation going on, get all of the bread and treats and things for your patisserie completed.

And it's very nice.

Alongside other reasons, the morning is also when there's not very many people around and I get to be alone, you know, just

with my cupcakes and muffins and all of that.

I read like a Reddit poster or something once, and it was talking about how, like, the crazy hours when it's really late and you're kind of sleepy, just remember there's a baker jamming to music and just in their zen making cupcakes or whatever.

And I was like, oh, that puts me at peace.

It was just such a nice image.

I really liked everyone's answers because they're all in the morning and I'm at night.

So nice alone time for Elga.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Unless I wake you up and I say, hey, kiddo, let's go.

We got berries to body.

Whatever.

Berries to body.

Get abotty.

And just slam into a bunch of raspberries.

Oh, yuck.

Chip, you find the silver pin that Carol gave you with an S wrapped around the scabbard.

The pin shimmers across your eyes, and you hear a sword unsheathed.

Shing!

And you feel a new memory pop into your head.

Chip!

I'm back from the markets!

Honey, do you mind helping me unload?

A little early for a nap, sweetheart, don't you think?

Did you really think that you could hide from us?

You know we're always connected.

No illusions can conceal your true nature to us.

Besides, you have work to do.

Talon isn't finished with you.

Ah, the infamous killer Carol Kino.

Or is it Shivy?

I always get those two mixed up.

What do you want?

Word is, you're the assassin that can handle any hit, no matter what the stakes.

Well, let me tell you, the stakes couldn't be higher, my dear.

Wouldn't you agree, Chip?

Stop.

I'll do whatever you want.

Just don't hurt him.

Oh, that's splendid news.

See, ladies, I told you we'd all be fast friends.

So, who's your target?

Let's just say I've been meaning to discuss some rather grave issues with our clan leaders, starting with Lorenzo Wilson.

Oh, that reminds me.

Since we're friends and all, I brought you a gift.

I had it handmade just for you.

Call it an insurance policy.

In case you change your mind when the time comes, this little bent will help us keep an eye on you and let us know if you're covering outside the lines.

who are you of course how rude of me you can call me

Eddie

so chip you remember this you know you saw it happen yeah you know it's a memory from Carol's mind like that unlocked in your head so so you have access to that

so I'll have access to our memories where so where are we now are we still waking up we're still in the hut yeah y'all are still in the hut as far as I know, unless you tell me otherwise.

Barney's checking out his hut.

Maybe there's a leak.

Like a gas leak.

Why we all had those crazy dreams.

Okay, so, you know, we all had those crazy dreams, right?

Oh,

good morning, rise and shine.

Oh, Barney.

Barney, wake up.

There's a hut.

Anywho, we all had messed up dreams.

You know the pendant that I got from Carol?

Well, it kind of like snapped a memory into my noggin

and i i think carol killed the wolfman i think that

yeah i think she was forced to to to assassinate because the hags and eddie put her up to it why would she frame you i don't

she knowing my wife she would not have intended to frame me barney

i think that's very weird barney too that's so odd that that's you know or us like who is she who was she working with uh her the the hag sisters, which were

Shivy.

It was...

Sketch?

Sketch and Skitch?

Oh, no, Sketch.

And Shirock.

And Shirock.

Skitch and Shirock, who I guess are technically now my sister-in-laws, but I don't like them so much.

The tracks.

And

Eddie.

Oh, well, that's

no surprise whatsoever to any of us.

No, not at all.

But also,

that kind of tracks, you know, knowing

what happened to her before she passed with the veins and stuff.

I think that that is indeed connected to Eddie.

Then that's that's like confirmation right there.

This might be an unpopular opinion, but I really don't like that Eddie guy.

Oh, hot take from a teeth here.

Wow, I tried, I tried to watch my words very carefully, but you know, I can't help it.

He's not a good guy.

I mean, yeah, I'd kill him on sight.

Calm down, okay?

I'm sorry, I just

harsh words.

I will go do my breathing.

Everyone, make me a perception check:

seven, 11.

7.

24.

Barney with the clutch perception check there.

Barney, as you look around and as you're talking with everyone, you feel like a voice is missing in this discussion.

And you look down and notice that the alchemist is still asleep.

And on top of that, you notice that Gigi is out and about licking the alchemist's face while he's still asleep.

What about Stinkers?

Stinker is also still asleep.

He's doing that little thing where he's like kicking his leg.

Oh, he's asleep.

So's the alchemist.

Did we wake them up?

Or are we leaving?

I wonder if the alchemist had dreams like we did.

Yeah, I'll wake him up.

Alarm!

Alarm!

Alarm!

Alarm!

Alarm!

Alarm!

Shoots up straight up in stand, like he goes straight from laying down to standing up.

There's like no in-between.

It's like a cartoon.

Canonically, that's just how he wakes us up every morning.

You know, the alchemist looks around and like touches his face, which is still kind of like moist and sticky from all the licking.

And he looks at you all's face and says, Oh, I see I wasn't the only one he licked.

He licked us?

Yeah, you all realize now that your face is, you have saliva, cat saliva on your forehead.

Hank, have you guys been actually licked by a cat?

I don't think that you'd sleep through something like that.

Getting licked by a cat is one of the worst things.

I'm wondering if the cat knew something bad was going on with us and was trying to wake us up.

Or causing something bad?

Oh, no.

I don't like that insinuation of my cat.

Matty, does does your cat have like some type of toxic

saliva?

Licky, licky.

I don't even think he has saliva.

He's incorporeal.

And yet, you have a little bit of saliva on your foreheads.

That's very interesting.

Did you all have any strange dreams?

I had one of the worst dreams.

Yes.

Terrible dreams.

Sad, bad.

Yeah, it was weird.

I didn't like it.

I did.

Everyone ignored me.

You d oh I thought you meant you did like it.

You mean you did have a dream.

I had a dream.

And everyone ignored.

Everyone just ignored me.

Well, anyways.

That's just the worst insult you can do to a boomer.

Can Mate.

Sorry.

I was trying to act like.

I was ignoring party boomers.

It was great.

It was great.

It was so good.

Can Mate pick up Gigi and kind of turn around from the group and like maybe walk to like the edge of the hut or something and just like do you have something you want to tell me

if there's something you need to shout you can do it right just imagining you holding a candy

Right up to the teen's face, just look, just like, and just trying to have this little...

It's all right.

Do you have a secret?

Do you want to tell me something?

It's just right now is the time.

No, no truth.

GG's face gets real close.

Oh, I do not trust this.

What did he tell you?

Nasty.

Can I try an animal handling check or some sort of medicine check to examine said pet?

Matine, do you mind if I say, hey, that's a cute cat, A GG?

It's your uncle chip.

Didn't Didn't you fail your last anime handling check with Gigi?

Daniel's love chip, AD.

I think that's what it was.

Listen, I've had a rough couple.

I've had a rough week.

And I need to pet that cat, if you don't mind.

That's the creepiest way to ask to touch someone's pet.

Roll.

Okay.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

It's an eight.

There it is.

God.

Yeah, Gigi just like looks at you with that like blank cat stare, stare, just like looking straight into your eyes.

Gigi's neutered.

I will tell you this.

Gigi technically comes from the Australian plane and is an incorporeal creature, so there might be some mystery involved with this little kitty.

Can I like investigate or like look at this saliva, the spit on our?

You're just like trying in general to look at it?

Yeah, see if like, I don't know if it's like a different type of substance or like, I don't know.

Yeah,

make an investigation check.

I'm going to look at it close up.

So that would be with advantage, which would be 14.

You take a real close look at it, and nothing seems out of the ordinary about it other than the fact that, like Mateed mentioned, Gigi is kind of from the Astral plane or Australian plane.

So it's unusual that you would have saliva like this.

Could I make a check, Mr.

Dungeon Mister?

Yes.

With my feet, that gives me perfect recollection.

of the past.

Could I see if there might have been something I missed about when Jack gave me Gigi?

Like anything that maybe in the moment would have seemed, I don't know, off or special or different?

You know, you were not giving any extra information or anything that would lead you to know more about this.

However, you do recall that this saliva seems reminiscent of that purple fluid you've encountered before.

Wait, but that came where did that come from?

That was like pools of it by the dragon in the Australian plane.

No, no, no.

You first encountered it at the pools with the Dragon, but then you encountered it again on the Australian plane.

So

then that cat's a Dragon!

Punch!

I punched the guy!

It was in the Australian plane.

Australian.

And I didn't...

And I didn't put more in.

You tried to...

You got some with your mage hand, and you tried to drop it on Mateed during your combat.

Oh, that's right.

No, but that's.

Oh, you're right.

Wait, so was Gigi putting us to sleep then?

I don't know.

Or like keeping us to sleep.

This is a new cat to me.

I don't really know.

I've

just, you know, my experience thus far in cats is that they are very strange.

But also, that doesn't.

From my recollection, that doesn't inherently bring out bad dreams and memories, but it's just something we have to dream about.

It seems to be

a memory-inducing liquid, like thoughts and memories, and unlocking of stuff.

Yeah.

What'd you dream about, Alchemist?

It's all so fuzzy.

Mm-hmm.

Henry followed me into work one day.

That's what you say like Henry Ford.

No, Henry Fonda.

Yeah.

Oh.

Oh, yeah.

That happened.

We almost stabbed him.

Yeah,

no, he's fine.

Henry's fine.

You saw Henry.

He and Frank Frank Esker are fine.

Do you remember how long ago that was?

If it was...

I mean, what?

Was it a dream of something that you recall happening in real life?

No, I don't recall that ever happening.

Unless it was a dream of something that did happen that you weren't aware that happened because you were just unaware of it happening.

Maybe.

That makes so much sense.

Well, because like my dream was that

my dream was that I was asleep, but something was happening in my house while I was asleep.

So maybe this isn't so much a dream that you've perceived, but something that's happened around you.

It's like a security camera

that captured a moment that you were unaware of.

Exactly.

Mine never happened.

To your recollection.

Barney.

Barney.

What did we eat for lunch yesterday?

I think that was Chris.

I started looking at Chris's face as he reacted to that.

Barney, what did we eat for lunch yesterday?

Was it crackers?

Now rest my case.

Perhaps we should make our way up to Vania.

But you weren't questioned.

But you said it was weird dreams.

What about that was weird?

That I could see as Henry.

It was almost as if I was perceiving things from his perspective.

Oh, oh.

Well,

let's explore that further.

What happened in the dream?

He was following you to work, didn't...

Doing what else?

And yet, dot dot dot.

It's really hard to remember.

Maybe if I woken up slowly, I could recall my dream.

But something shocked me awake.

Strange.

I don't know what it was.

I don't either.

It's very alarming.

Yeah.

Hmm.

Well, I promise that the other people still pay more attention to you next time.

What?

Uh-oh.

That seemed almost threatening.

No, no, sorry.

That was Barney talking to stinkers.

Oh!

Because everyone's paying all this attention to Juju.

Gigi.

Ji-ji!

Juju.

Everyone's...

Give me your juju.

Everyone's like...

Bad juju.

Everyone's hanging out.

He's like talking to Gigi.

Gigi?

Juju?

Gigi.

What is it?

Gigi.

GG.

Try it with a softer G.

GG.

Yeah, like I was like, there you go.

Gigi.

Gigi.

It's the pronunciation of the letter J in the French language.

Because his name is JJ.

How did you write this down?

G-E-A-H.

G-E-A-H.

As phonetically as I could.

Okay.

We'll see.

We'll see.

Where's Gacket?

Anyway, that was just Barney, because everyone was like, but you started talking to Stinker out of nowhere.

Yep.

So we might not have gotten to the bottom of this mystery with the cat and stuff, but at least we know if, you know, in the future we need to, like, I don't know, interrogate someone, we'll just squeeze Matid's cat and he'll barf the thing on

you know because we got the we got the mystery fluid an endless amount of purple goo from Gigi yeah if your cat starts drooling or bathing itself we're gonna need you to bottle that up there Matid we just need you to scoop it and put it into a nice glass jar let me don't touch it you people are strange.

I have to say this.

We're talking about bottling the saliva of a kitty.

I don't understand you.

With the kitty, it's magic saliva.

Anyway,

maybe we should get going.

Alchemist?

Yes, let's.

The village of Vania is only a few hours up the ridge.

Should we be cautious?

Is there danger?

Oh,

ask Yelga.

You're from here.

I will use my danger sense.

Oh, so Elga's leading the way.

Obviously.

This is her.

What is that?

That's a great segue.

What is the marching order for this?

Elga first.

I'm not fighting this time.

I'll go behind.

Chip, where would you like to be in the matching order?

I'll just be in the back, kind of moping, because my wife is dead.

All right.

That was a bit of a heavy response.

Yeah, well, you know,

it's what happens when the family dies.

Elga, Barney, Mateed, Chip.

Yes.

Yeah, but Chip by like 20 feet, though.

Actually, can I be back with Chip?

Because I want to have a combo.

Congratulations, Blaine.

So you want Mateed second and Barney third?

Blaine says, says like in character.

Chip wants like a lone time.

He's like 20 feet behind everybody.

Hey, I seriously, you're born in the lost of your life.

That's major little brother energy right there.

And we'll have the alchemist between Mateed and Barney in the center of the party.

Okay.

You all embark up the craggy black mountain and hike with the morning sun warming your backs.

But as you climb higher and higher, daylight slowly begins to fade faster than normal.

After the better part of a day, you'll finally reach a ledge just below the summit.

Why doesn't everyone go ahead and roll me a perception check?

Could I also have a quick little sidebar with Chip?

Uh, sure.

You want to, I guess, before we get to the perception checks?

If that's okay.

Yeah.

So I was like,

uh, Chip,

I made you something.

Oh, yeah?

I like to do little carpentry carving things in my spare time.

And

I hand him a, it's like a little, um, a little like a

little I don't know what you call like a thing a mem a memory thing with like

for Carol you chip and care okay chip and Carol a memory thing for you and Carol I carved a little like um like a keepsake yeah little like a heart yeah like a heart a keychain like name a shape

I'm watching everybody it's like Chris hasn't actually said what it is so what is it Chris summarize first it's a it's a wooden okay thing with two hearts and one says that are like next to each other and one says chip and one says carol it says love is forever and then i say this for you also

yeah

and

when you said two wooden i just wanted to clarify when you say two wooden things what are the things

kind of okay i was gonna say i kind of didn't want him to explain because i just wanted the community then to just have to draw this yeah okay okay okay fair enough uh but it's fine chip takes it and is very sincerely like looking it over and like that's very thoughtful of you, Barney.

Because I think Chip, well, no, no, in all seriousness,

Chip would recognize like every single stroke of the blade and all the carvings.

That's like, that's, I'm holding hours of work that my friend put into this thing.

It is very thoughtful.

Then Chip will stow it in his

bum bag.

And then I also made you this.

Oh, okay.

And it's a wooden steak.

A wooden steak.

Delicious.

No, I think.

Oh,

what does the wooden stick say on it?

Steak.

Oh,

Use on elega in case of emergency.

No, no, no, no.

But is what is this for protection against?

Chris just shrugged his shoulders.

It's an audio podcast.

Knowing the place that we're going into and that there's vampires around, I'm going to just like, okay, okay, we're going to stick that in there.

And I put it in the bum bag as well.

I didn't mean to laugh at your precious moment.

The thought just entered my mind when I laughed that you didn't describe the scale of it.

And so what I imagined was Barney handing over this like four foot wide

well i'm expecting it was like anatomically correct wooden hearts two of them

the two things thing is such a vague word maybe can i can i can i maybe this instead of two hearts it's two dagger blades crossed and once this chip and once this carol and this is just retcon the entire is that okay is that better

whichever the the the the sentiment still stands from chip that that's like a very thoughtful thing and uh yeah so i'll stow that in the bag what a wonderful precious moment mike is shaking his head at me barney go ahead and roll that perception check let's uh let's get it running

i rolled a 23 i think i rolled a 13 or 12.

i rolled a 12.

17 from Barney.

All right.

We'll start with the low ones here.

Ship and Mate both got a 12, aka the perception pals.

Just the

team names just keep coming.

Yeah.

Well, first of all, in general, you know, it's surprising how fast the day has passed since it's nearly nightfall at this point.

And the trail seems to narrow just ahead.

And nestled amongst some large black rocks is a well built of red stones.

Barney, maybe it's the altitude, but every now and then you swear you can hear something scurrying and you can see shadows in your peripheral vision.

Elga, always destroying the perception checks.

In the distance, beyond, you can start to make out buildings made of wood.

You said the well is in our path made of red stone.

Yeah.

It's like, you know, y'all are coming up on on it here pretty quickly.

And, you know, you see some large black stones surrounding a deep well made of red stones.

Like gimstones or like brick.

Oh, I guess they're stones.

So volcanic in nature?

I don't know.

You'd

make me a wisdom check.

I shall do one too.

About the waste of your time.

Here we go.

Use my perception pow.

A

13.

That's a four, so let's go with chip.

So in general, as you've been traveling, you know, up this mountain, I believe in the last episode, the Alchemist referred to it as Mount Ignis, that, you know, in general, all of the stones here are black.

And so you can tell that these red stones are obviously different, but it's not that they're gems.

It seems like upon closer inspection, or as you're getting closer, they're almost more like stained.

Oh, God, that's blood.

That's blood.

What are you talking about?

Elga, welcome home.

This is

this like a blood well?

Do they know I'm from here?

Have I said that?

Or do they just know that?

I think you said it.

I think you said it.

Yeah.

Okay.

Plus, and you got that letter in the last episode.

Right, okay.

Um, you know, guys, I think it might be time I tell you something.

I

oh man,

okay.

I'm a vampire.

What?

No.

Yeah.

But what

how

you I just thought you just liked blood you knew didn't you?

I might have had a clue.

Okay, yeah, have you been beating off of us?

No,

not without your consent.

I'm uh Chip recognizes that that might be a touchy subject for Barney, so he's gonna kinda like position hisself.

Barney's like that, like

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, I'm gonna position myself in a way to maybe defuse the situation if it if it happens.

Barney, I never touch you, I promise.

What are your intentions?

To to help everyone and solve the murder trial that we are trying to figure out.

That's it, right?

Right, sucking the life out of us.

No, out of other people,

only the people who are evil.

Only so so vampires only kill only suck the life out of people who are evil?

I'm not saying that I am representing all vampires, you know, not all vampires, Barney.

Okay,

common phrase.

I just thought I should let you all know, if we're about to go into Venia, you might figure out some things about me.

And I want you to hear from me first, okay?

And why haven't you told us before now?

Well, because of how you're reacting, Barney.

You don't seem to have a great,

you know.

Vibe towards the undead and you know justifiably so you've had some traumatic experiences but like we know Elga we've been traveling together for so long she's for She's friends.

We love Elga, right?

Right?

This isn't, it doesn't change who she is just because, you know, she's a vampire.

That's like, you know, it's fine.

It's just Elga.

Did you not think it was odd that she turned into a bat like yesterday?

Yeah.

Yeah, I thought that would be a pretty

good one.

Remember when she like fell on the ground in Carcassouk and just her like licking blood off of the meat floor?

Wait, I have a question.

Pardon.

You know I'm dead, right?

You know I'm not alive.

i had my suspicions i'll say that a picture barn doing the what

i had my suspicions yes but i i

i

and you you know you know that chip is a dragon actually right what that's a lie that's

i was about to be really surprised actually

i do feel like uh ghosts tend to not they don't kill

they they they are i mean, I mean,

they don't drain the line.

Every type of creature kills.

We all have our past.

Just imagine it's just a matter of there's good people and there's bad people.

Yeah.

And there's bad humans and good humans.

Bad vampires, good humans.

I got to say is that you were very against your new dog when you came around, but it seems just a second ago you really cared about that dog and really wanted it to be included.

Yeah.

I don't like the dog.

Can I do an insight check on that?

Yeah, I want to do an insight on that.

Can I cover Stinker's ears when he said that?

Sure.

This little guy, Stinker, he didn't mean it.

Okay.

14.

Yeah, that's a 23.

I know that that is a lie.

My little dog.

How do we resolve that?

Does Chris have to roll deception?

He can.

What do you do?

Yeah, I mean, I have to leave that up to the player.

It's whether or not he's deceiving.

Like, how honest is he being with that sentence?

Yep.

Yeah, so if you are attempting to deceive, they know that's not true.

I think at this point, Barney's warmed up the stinker a bit, quite a bit.

Well, you've been around Elga quite longer than that little puppy.

And we're talking about like the evil of you know the undead and how they kill and murder.

Bro,

I'm alive and kicking.

I have killed so many people.

So you won't even imagine how many people I've ended their lives.

He can't stop talking about all the things he's killed.

Exactly.

But you don't.

Do you kill women and children?

Children, no.

Women, if they're bad, I don't discriminate.

He's a feminist.

I'm an equal opportunity murder.

Opportunity murderer.

Do you go to people's house?

Do you

attack people's homes?

Do you kill their families?

Well, no, not entire families.

I'm not a family annihilator, but on the job, you know, I have to do all sorts of bad things.

Because I think what I'm gathering from this, Marnie, did the vampire kill your family?

No, they didn't.

No, they took them.

Oh,

that's right.

That's right.

Wait, so we've talked about this in the past because we've seen the

flashback.

Was that you said undead?

I thought it was zombies, but was it vampires?

It's vampires.

Vampires.

Oh.

I can't remember.

I guess this is.

I guess this is me speaking meta.

Do you remember what the in my

head canon?

It was always vampire.

There we go.

Okay.

Oh, no.

You know, what I learned is that the best way to get over a fear is like exposure.

So let's just shove Elga in his face often every once in a while.

I thought you were going to say, let's go to let's go to Vania.

Yeah.

Why did you become a vampire?

I didn't want to, Barney.

You know, things happen.

I don't, it was so many years ago, it was kind of beyond my control.

I didn't choose this.

I wasn't born this way.

Well, actually, you know, because we I have suspicions.

How old are you?

You know, I've lost count.

Like Dracula or?

Somewhere in the range of 164 to 322.

Oh.

Somewhere in there.

Wow.

It's mildly inaccurate of an estimation.

Once you get past like 150 days, I understand.

It becomes annoying to count the days.

Yeah.

That's terrible.

I'm sorry, Elga.

Do you like your life as a vampire?

I mean,

there are some upsides for sure, but you know, every now and then I get a little bit of a weird look, or you know, people don't want me to come into their home unless I ask them to, and then they need to give me permission, and sometimes it doesn't work, and then I have to just sit outside the home, and it's very lonely.

It's very sad.

You were forced into it.

Yeah, I guess so.

At this point, I think the alchemist would step in and says, You know, Bonnie, if you wish, we can talk about this in the safety and the comfort of the asylum once we're back in Natura City.

A tiny hut.

No, she's

that is that the alchemist saying that we should be in the insane place?

No, no, no.

It's not that it's an insane place, it's just a place to help people.

Oh, okay.

That seems like something someone would say when they're putting them in the insane place.

No, there's nothing wrong with it.

There's no implication about that at all.

It's just the alchemist genuinely wishing to help.

Just put on this this jacket, Barney.

It's fitted for you.

Okay, gang, we got a mission ahead of us.

And Elga probably wants to go, you know, look around.

They probably haven't been home in a while.

Barney, are you good?

Barney, I promise I would never cause you or anyone you love harm.

And

you are safe with me, okay?

And I promise I will help you find the answers you are looking for.

You can trust me.

I think Barney looks really torn and sad and nods without looking at Elga.

But is.

Elga also realizes her sippy cup of satiation is poking out of her pocket and kind of shoves it back in.

Nothing to look at here.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, Barney.

Okay, why don't we just call truths for now, okay?

You can trust me.

Okay.

Elga, thanks for sharing that with us.

You're welcome.

And I'm sorry if you are disturbed by this very shocking news.

It's a total shock.

It's going to be the front page of the newspaper tomorrow.

I've known the entire time.

What are you all talking about?

This is the weirdest conversation.

I like the idea of Mati just being silent the whole time.

She'd be like, I knew.

Hold on.

Nail files in the corner.

Did you know?

Huh?

Did you know?

I had my suspicions, but you know.

We live in a weird place in a weird time.

You know, you got to open your mind up, Barney.

You know, get with it.

It's all right.

People are different.

They come from different backgrounds.

And not everyone is bad.

You know, my wife catfished me, turns turns out.

She was a hag the whole time, but I still love her to death.

Well, she is dead.

We still love her.

Tooon.

Yeah.

Too soon.

Yeah, too soon.

Anyways, shall we just continue on the Sylvania?

Yeah, there's weird shadows around us.

Should we investigate this world?

Yeah, why not?

Or is it more of just like the fact that we discover it was blood?

Should we throw something in it and make a wish?

You could take a look around.

What's in?

Have we even looked in the well?

No.

I'd like to look in the well.

There you go.

Go and make an investigation check for me.

It's filled with ink.

Cartoon derail

with a...

No, these are like sweet character moments.

Yeah, I've been over here messaging with Micah.

Like, I know we need to move along, but this is like really good role play and like really good character development.

Like, I don't want to step in and squash it.

21, Nat 20.

Ooh, look at you.

You know, as you look around a little closer, you can tell that indeed the redstones are stained with some kind of liquid.

Is it blood maybe?

And the well is seemingly fathomless, perhaps as deep as the mountain.

And you think you can hear something deep inside the well, maybe something slightly high-pitched.

It's really hard to make out.

Like a ringing sound, or does it change in pitch?

So it could be like something from a creature?

Is it bats?

I'll say it's almost like tinnitus, like a really high-pitched whining.

Oh, from down in the well?

Oh,

like

well, yeah, he asked that same question.

Yeah, sorry.

It's okay.

Chris doesn't listen.

I'm just messing.

What?

When's your old?

I do have a question.

Bonnie, you have so many little magic tricks.

It's very cute when you do them.

Does any of them, are they able to produce light?

Would be able to

send something down into the well to see what this is.

Yeah.

It might end up angering whatever is making that sound.

That's horrifying.

I have fairy fire.

Each object any 20-foot cube within range is outlined in blue, green, or violet.

Any creature in the area with spells cast is also outlined light.

So I could do that.

We could like put some, like cast something, put some.

Does this fair fire glow, Gustavo?

I believe it creates a faint outline, if I remember right.

I'm looking at it.

I'm about to pull it up on a tree.

Something that would stand out in a dark abyss.

I believe it's supposed to be really faint.

How deep is this well?

He said, seemingly.

Perhaps as deep as the mountain.

Oh my gosh.

Okay, I didn't know.

Because there's like light.

Yeah, no, I just don't have it.

I don't know what spells clarics have access to.

I could always like turn into a bat and go look down there.

Oh, that's scary.

But it would be my one use of it.

Well, I mean, is this the end of our destination or is this just like on the way to Vania?

Like, is Vania further up?

Craig is further up.

One of you, I think Elga perhaps saw some buildings.

I did see some woodhouses up there.

That's right.

Are the woodhouses like normal wood or are they also stained?

Could I tell?

It's so far away,

you can barely see it, and you're the only one who can see it because

maybe we put a little pin in this well and investigate the village.

Elga puts an actual pin

on the surface of the well.

Could we tell if the red and black is just like fresh blood and dried blood?

Or is it like is the black just black and the red?

So the the the stones in general on this mountain are black.

Okay.

So you they appear just like regular stone.

Okay.

Whereas the red is maybe is that black stone just covered in

blood or something.

Okay.

Could I investigate it to see if it is blood?

Yeah.

Should we already do that?

No, but you can.

You make an investigation check on it.

Okay.

With advantage, because I'm a close-up?

Yes, and I would also say just in general, because Elga might have some familiarity with blood.

Okay.

I will do that 20 on my advantage.

It does definitely seem like blood.

I think I made a mistake, and I've sent Chris down a rabbit hole of looking at all his spells.

I'm looking over and Chris has just been looking like he is studying the SATs at his computer.

And I'm like, I know exactly what that boy's doing right now.

He is looking through steel.

He's looking for a light spell.

And he is going to miss everything we're saying because I sent his little brain down that hole.

That well we're looking at, that's where Chris's brain is.

I like to picture his brain just came out of his skull and went straight down the well, down to the bottom.

You know, we're going to be going into a village of people that probably know exactly what's at the bottom of this, and we could just ask them.

So I say we boogie.

Time is of the

essence.

Time is of the essence.

Is that what it is?

Yes.

That phrase sounds weird in my brain.

No, that's correct.

Okay.

I hear a lot of phrases.

That seems to be correct.

Let proceeds.

Yeah, right.

Yeah.

Chip falls.

We all go.

As you all try to pass by the well and press on, six humanoid bats emerge from the well

and block your path, each of them wearing red robes.

See?

Okay.

This teaches us,

just investigate everything.

Don't move along.

Just stop.

And you want us to move along, Gus, and now you've taught us.

We are the Sferatu.

All sentient creatures that wish to enter Vania must first make a blood oath to uphold Devanian vows.

You just had to do another Sferat

for Chris.

This is great.

Barney pulls out a wooden stake and...

No, no, no, Barney, no, no.

Put it down.

They're not necessarily violent, so we don't have to maybe try to incite anything here.

They're asking for blood.

Yeah, but that's like a custom here.

It's kind of like getting a blood.

I feel like you have a body that just produces it constantly.

Why do you need it all?

Mated the ghost being like, you gotta buy full of blood.

It's not a big deal, Barney.

It's fine.

This is their home.

We're gonna follow their traditions.

Hello, Sveratu.

My name is Elga.

I'm actually from here, so we're just coming to visit.

Make a perception check for me, Elga.

Oh, I thought I was gonna do like a a charisma thing.

Uh, 16.

Yes, Vino.

And they point at your palm of your hand.

What's in the palm of my hand?

On the palm of your hand, a sigil has appeared.

It's the shape of a red blood drop, and inside is the outline of a white upside-down triangle.

Oh, we saw that on their belt, the belt, belt, so it like kind of wasn't on my hand before, but ever since coming into Vania, correct, it has now appeared in the palm of your hand.

Okay, well, I guess I don't need to convince you.

See?

And I hold it up.

You may pass.

These are my friends.

They're coming to visit.

Yeah, do we have like a guest pass or like a day pass?

Yes, the blados.

What does that entail?

All you have to do is repeat after me.

Oh, that's easy.

And offer blood.

That's not as easy.

To develop.

Oh, okay.

All right, Gliz, let's go.

Just Medicaid, it's not like they're asking you.

They're not asking to feed on you.

They're not asked to die.

They're asking you to just offer some blood to the well, okay.

All right, well, okay.

Well, remember how we said we'd put the pin in it.

Why don't we just use the pin to

put the pin in you?

Yeah,

do you guys need me to help you, Matti?

Do you make blood?

I do not, even spiritual blood, Vildu.

What is spiritual blood?

Play along with me.

What

That was the best.

Yep.

Oh, okay.

Yep.

I got some speak.

I thought this might have been like a combative moment, but nope.

Okay.

But before we do the vow, how is everyone going to draw blood and

offer it to the well?

I would say the arm blade of blurbling, but I realize it has poisonous effects, so I don't want to poison myself.

Do you want me to help you, Tip?

Sure.

Okay, give me your finger.

All right, here we go.

And Elga just like puts one of her little teeth right at the tip of the finger.

Oh, that's nice.

Okay, now drop it.

Okay.

What do I say?

Okay, well, what about everyone else?

How's everyone else handling that?

No, we can all do the vow together.

Oh, I was to say Barney would go.

I guess.

Unless you want to watch Chip do it.

Yeah, I think Barney would go last.

Oh, okay.

And see what happens.

Do you want, Montee, do you want to do it with Chip or would you rather go later like Barney?

Let's do it now.

It'd be a a bonding moment.

Yeah, I'll do it now.

It's no big deal to me.

Mati takes their, I don't know, their talon and like just like awkwardly, like takes their one talon, uh, scratches their leg, puts that talon down, and just puts that leg over the well.

I thought, you know, I figured you were gonna rough house with Gigi a little.

You know, how invariably a kitten will scratch you or like draw a little bit of blood.

I feel like Mati would just stand there, like arms crossed, and just do this with their legs.

Yeah, just put their leg over the well and like global upper half.

Yeah.

What do I say?

Repeat after me.

Repeat after me

very good i state your name i i mess the pain

spare under pain of death swear under pain of second death that valst in vania

valst in vania i shall adhere to the vanian vows undermentioned

i shall adhere to the vanian vows undermentioned table's lost me on that one no one may enter the vemspire unless invited by count dracula no one one may enter the

Vamspire unless invited by Count Dracula.

No vampire may travel outside of Vanya unless permitted by Count Dracula.

No vampire may travel

outside of Vania.

The Vamspire

Dracula

silver is strictly prohibited in Vanya unless permitted by Count Dracula.

Silver is expressly permitted to submit

except for by Trout Dracula.

I don't think there's gonna be a lot of damage after this.

No silver.

Unless you get a doctor's note from Trout Dracula.

So Chip on the tip of your finger and Mateed on your foot.

That same sigil that's on Ilga's palm appears there.

Oh, that's cool.

Neat.

Cool ink.

Tattoo.

Look, we're twins.

High five.

Mate.

High five with my foot.

All right, let's go.

How do you draw blood for the wall?

I just did.

What'd you do?

I did it with him.

I don't think he did.

No.

Can I see your end?

Yeah.

Could I do?

Also, I'm a little bit worried because it said no vampire may travel outside by any animals permitted by Count Dracula.

I don't know if I got permission.

I assume so.

They seem like this is, you know, binding.

I will say your father in the letter seemed aware

of you leaving.

Because he did send me to go check out the peace parade.

okay that's right that's right i just don't feel like barney would want me to do this i don't know

you would do this i just want to see yeah yeah are you just trying to essentially like lie and say you did it yeah

if you come up with a compelling way and make like some deception checks we can play with that this this kind of reminds me of uh when bart tried to get into uh the infinite campaign has like a dragon board yeah go check it out how many there there's four of them six of them six of them okay and now since it's not a group all eyes are on you Barney.

Barney.

Look at me, Barney.

Show me your hand.

All right.

Well, Barney shows his hand.

I don't know why I didn't show up.

Matid pecks his hand.

Oh.

As he's holding it over the wall.

Okay.

That was easy.

Now just say the words.

Yeah, a little bit of blood trickles out.

Could Barney like say the words, but not like kind of like fingers crossed behind his back where he doesn't do it?

Yeah, we'll have you

do it with a perception check.

I'm sorry, with a deception check.

Man, I'm all over the place.

So are we?

It's okay.

Hectic, hectic recording.

And then I guess while I'm saying, sort of saying the words, could Barney like try and like recreate the symbol behind his back with like some...

What color is it?

What symbol?

The symbol?

Yeah, describe it to me.

Can I roll a.

It's like a...

Can I, can I, can my in-game, I saw them doing it, right?

So, so, like, it's hard to recall.

I know what it looks like.

Make a

you do?

Well, like, my character literally just

saw it.

But did Chris?

Make a intelligence check.

So, I got the vague, you know, shape of it.

You know, you know, the color.

Can I look right now?

You know, can I look right now with my eyes?

You're trying to think which ones would be visible easily.

You could see the one, I guess, on Mate's leg.

So, make a perception check.

I think you should only let him do it if he could actually recall what it is in real life.

Go ahead and draw it.

I know, I know exactly what it looks like.

I could describe it in perfect detail.

15, yeah, yeah, chip.

You want to tell them, or Blaine, you want to tell them, I should say.

It's a blood drop with a triangle in the middle, but it's upside down.

What color is it?

Red?

No, the triangle.

Oh, red.

No.

Was it black?

Nope.

White.

Oh, oh,

beige.

I was pointing to my face.

Rosy cheeks.

I don't know.

There's a white triangle.

Yeah, so Barney will do the...

How are you going to try to draw this again?

Like, put it kind of hands behind his back.

And with my, I'm going to do it with my mage hand while I'm talking.

I'm going to have one hand behind my back and I'm going to have mage hand behind me.

Like...

Are they going to use like the blood to make the blood?

Yeah, using some like,

the blood that I actually did.

The blood from whenever Matit poked me.

And then,

you know, like ash from, you know, and dirt and stuff and trying to recreate it with my mage hand while I

say the mumble the words okay we can give this a try why not this is D ⁇ D repeat after me repeat after me

unless permitted by count dracula unless permitted by count dragula so uh at this point what do you do barney Well, my mage hand was doing that symbol kind of like discreetly.

Right.

And then, I mean, I already drew the blood, right?

Mm-hmm.

So then I'm like, I don't like your customs.

Ever since, I don't know who it was.

Someone described Barney as a boomer, like in the last episode of their previous one.

I just cannot get that out of my head.

Definitely a boomer.

Okay.

This better not be permanent.

I don't want any tattoos.

You have a tattoo.

Yeah, you got a tattoo at Carcassonne.

It was not permanent.

Okay, do you, so I guess if you're saying that, are you looking at it?

Yeah, I mean, do they need to see it?

I mean, they're still there.

Yeah, yeah, so I'm like, yeah,

you know, when you're going through like border patrol and they don't need to see anyone,

I look at it, and I'm like, this better not be permanent.

All right, make your deception check.

21.

Oh, that's pretty good.

All right, I'm gonna make my insight checks.

They are plus four on insight.

All six of them.

Yep.

That's a

21 5 17 17 3.

So you fool three of them, but three of them are unfold.

One of them rolled a 20, so they got a 24.

So where does that take?

Well, they're just kind of still standing there watching you.

This is like when you're traveling with friends and one of them just gets caught by like TSA because they like they brought like a water bottle like food through there.

You're just like, come on, we gotta get to our flight.

Perhaps Vishal Duz evolves again, repeat after me.

Oh god.

Oh my god.

And that's permitted by Counter Oculoc.

Oh, that's permitted by Counter Acula.

And with that, the six of them vanish with a red mist.

That wasn't so hard.

I think Micah just pounded his head on the desk.

Oh, wait.

I had to submit something to customs because

Elga.

Okay, we are all good to go.

You get the refund when you leave.

Okay, well, no, I have a piece of silver on me, I think.

Oh.

Yeah, but we have to get inside the sound.

Yeah, if he puts it in his bum bag,

it's the sheath pen.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, you could try to stick it in the bum bag.

Are you gonna turn it over?

I mean, they just disappeared.

I think they're so tired of us.

Okay, so shall we continue on?

I assume the alchemist also did this, right?

Yes, okay.

Well, he'll have done something similar, uh, pricking his finger with a dagger.

Sure, you don't want to go through it all?

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You all press on past the well and eventually reach the summit of the Black Mountain, Vania.

Before you is a village of shadowy staved buildings crafted with wooden spires.

The village encircles a towering pinnacle made of glossy black rock.

Elga, you know this tower to be the Vamp Spire, your home.

See you guys later.

The way you're describing this is that there is clearly like a typical kind of village surrounding this thing.

Can we see inhabitants?

Yeah, there's people walking around.

There's a couple of different like shops.

Are they

human?

There are various D ⁇ D races, you know, walking around this village.

Is there any way to be able to tell if, like, I'm just curious because it seems like, are these the non-vampires that live around Vamp Spire?

It seems like all throughout this village are local non-vampire vanians.

So, the food.

So, there are, so, this isn't a town consisting of just a part of the dead.

But it sounds like the vamp spire is.

It's the agriculture that surrounds the actual city.

These are the cows.

Yeah.

I guess what is so the vamp spire, like, what, is that like a building?

Is it like an area section of the town?

It's like a pinnacle that's like made of glossy black rock, kind of similar to the rest of the mountain.

Big tall, big tall, yeah.

Like a spire, right, right.

Like Minas Tirith or something.

Sure.

I was thinking like the Judge Dredd building,

like where it's built into the mountain kind of thing.

Tower, maybe a tower would be like a better way to to describe it.

Okay.

So, Aga, where's your house?

You know, I've only been gone a week,

but I seem to forget.

You know, your home is in the Vampspire.

Okay.

Well, my home clearly is in the vampspire So maybe I should go in there and and see what's up and maybe see if I could get you guys to come inside even though you're not vampires if Count Dracula invites you in you'll be able to come So maybe I'll go give a little chit-chat and weasel our way inside what's your relationship like with Count Dracula that I mean I don't know if you're gonna be able to answer that right now, but I I like does does Do we know from the beginning of the campaign you were a fan of right?

Like what's the what's the relationship like do you?

Well, I know that my father is a count,

Count von Brath, so I imagine there's some type of like royalty or like he's like Uncle Dracula.

And then them.

So just to re-establish, what's in, because it's been like a while since we talked about all of it, this was your first time leaving the Vampspire, Elga.

So all of this was new to you before.

You've lived your entire life within the Vampspire.

Okay.

And you're a fan, but you have not talked with Dracula directly.

Okay.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Thank you guys.

Yeah.

Sorry, I'm trying to run a balance between like, but I've seen him around.

Yeah, I mean, he's also would be in the vampire.

Okay.

Could I go in?

Or do we want to look around the area first?

That's a good question.

Yeah, well, you're not like right at the base of the vampspire.

You're kind of just like entering the town.

The vampire is more like in the center of it.

You're kind of like on the edge of the town, just kind of getting in, and there's all these like wooden shop, wooden building shops.

Does Arne recognize any of this?

Make a wisdom check.

13.

It seems oddly familiar, but not in a way you can quite put your finger on.

Not like you've been here before or something.

Just there's something familiar about it.

Do the buildings have doors?

Yes.

We're back to those kinds of cities.

I also, could we just like quickly recount everyone's dreams?

Because I feel like it's going to have some relevance here.

So Barney had a dream where two people were talking with a black spire in the center, which could be the vamp spire.

There was one male, one female.

There was a heated debate.

It was muffled talking.

And they said something like, it's not the hour or it's not hours.

Barney thinks he might have seen the man before, has blonde hair and a tailored black suit, and then blood red necktie.

Necktie.

That was like the connective tissue between all of them.

And then Matid died the same way that Carol did with the two fangs dripping above with a red necktie.

That was someone who had a red necktie.

Yeah.

Potentially.

And then in Chip's dream, he was talking to Carol.

This is all in my house, though.

Yeah, and there's a large blue coat guy.

Okay.

Thick dark.

Did it?

I mean, it said high collar with thick dark hair.

Oh.

I was like, I didn't think anything was

descriptive of Eddie.

And then I had a dream that my sister was going crazy and then bit me.

Yeah.

And that was here in the Vance Bar.

Okay.

Thank you.

So, just to kind of recap those things, because I feel like that might be of relevance.

Good.

Let's make our way through the village.

See what we see.

Give yourself an inspiration, Die, Barbara.

I really like that.

That focusing of information and recap.

Cool.

Yeah, maybe let's just walk around.

You know, I want to work up the courage to go inside.

Any cool shops?

Yeah, there's uh several businesses all around.

Let's see, there's like you see one, two, three,

four,

five different businesses that appear to be open with people walking in and out of them in your immediate area.

What are they?

Uh, yeah, you look around and you see um signs on each of the shops in your immediate area.

They say Vladbank,

Vlad, yeah, Vladbank, Lowe's Hanging Fruit,

Oldenwares, Marin's Mantlery, and Vanyard Valhera.

Where do you want to go?

I mean, I wouldn't mind weapons, but also, you know, I got this belt with the fangs and stuff like that.

I don't know if this is like a common product, but I do want to see if we could find if someone's selling something like this.

Pick a shop.

Violence von, what?

Pick a shop, any shop.

Van Devin.

Mantley.

What's the mantley?

Probably.

I'll just like window shop.

I don't know.

Haberdashery?

Not quite.

So you walk up and try to peek into the window.

Sure.

Make a perception check.

We got it.

I will assist.

14.

Does he need an assistance?

You tell me?

Yeah, 10, 10.

No.

You're trying to cover his eyes as he's trying to peer through the windows to look inside.

I'm just a bird just looking at a glass window, not understanding what you're doing.

You run into it

when he's unconscious on the ground.

I'm just a bird standing in front of a boy.

Yeah.

As you walk up to Marin's, you get like the smell of fresh linens wafting out the door.

And when you peek in the window, you see racks of cloaks, capes, scarves, mantles, and robes.

Ooh, I don't know if we need anything in here.

But, I mean, I don't know.

I mean, if you want to, you know, when in Rome, I'll poke my head in and say, hey, do you guys sell belts?

Specifically ones with fangs?

You peek your head in.

and shout that, which shocks the shopkeeper who was, you know,

arranging some merchandise.

Sorry, I'm a tourist from Wisconsin.

First time in Vania.

I love the place.

To your surprise, it's a younger male tiefling.

Oh, he's got adorable dimples.

He's wearing a violet cashmere shawl.

Oh, hello.

Marin.

Didn't see you there.

Your name's Marin?

Of course.

Why are you speaking to the third person?

That's cool.

Hey, I'm...

Chip says hi.

This is Chip.

Marin is pleased to meet you.

You as well.

I reached out in the tiefling way of shaking hands, which is with our tails.

Oh, Marin extends his tail, and they interlock and do the secret tiefling handshake.

Yes.

How old would you say he is, Marin?

Very young, like pre-pubescent.

Oh, okay.

Wow, you run your own shop?

That's impressive, Marin.

Marin has only the finest quality of goods here.

Like I said, though, do you got any like belts like this?

Does this craftsmanship look familiar to you?

Or perhaps know another shop that which sells something like this?

Yeah.

This is Mateet, by the way.

They don't have a cool tail like us, but they're cool.

I have a tail.

You can't do the tiefling handshake.

I dare you.

Matit starts hovering and floating off the ground.

Can you use this?

Can you do this?

I start jumping.

Yeah, yeah.

So what?

Marin takes a look at it and says, No, Marin doesn't carry any merchandise like this.

Marin typically sells cloth goods.

Anything of

magical ability?

Oh, yes.

Of course.

Marin has many fine goods here.

Could Marin interest you in a neckerchief or a shadow sash?

Chip is interested in the shadow sash sash.

What is that?

Shadow sash.

Allow Marin to show you.

And Marin picks up a charcoal gray sash that softly emanates smoke.

Ooh.

What is that?

The necker chief and shadow sash are on sale currently.

And Marin has some full-price merchandise as well.

Marin has the Cape of Mount Bonk, Mantle of Spell Resistance, and Rogues Mantle.

What's Rogue's Mantle?

Oh, you have fine taste.

Would you rather Marin talk about the Shadow Sash first or the Rogue's Mantle?

I hate to be a pain in the butt.

I kind of want to know what they're all are because I feel like there's some pretty cool stuff here.

At least those two I think sound good for you.

Yeah, Rogues Mantle and Shadow Sash.

Marin already has the Shadow Sash in hand, so allow Marin to explain this one.

I keep forgetting he's talking in third person.

The Shadow Sash allows for abilities such as accurate assassination and veiled and vapors.

Tell me more, what is accurate assassination?

Metagame-wise, if you roll a one on a damage die for your sneak attack ability, you can roll the die again, but you must use a new roll.

Okay.

And then the vapor thing is probably some sort of like whenever you kill a creature on your turn, you can take a free action to become invisible via a waft of smoke at the end of that turn.

Oh, that's pretty good.

And that lasts until the end of your next turn or until you attack or cast a spell.

Okay.

And then what does the rogue thing do?

Mantle.

Rogue mantle.

Oh, yes.

This is quite an in-demand item.

This dark, hooded mantle of thick cloth is infused with secretive, deceptive magic.

While wearing it, you gain the following benefits: dark vision, moving shadows, and willful enmity.

I don't need any of that stuff.

Uh, well, okay, how much is the uh the the the shadow sash?

You're in luck.

Marin's having a sale on the shadow sash currently.

It could be yours for the low price of 50 HP.

Oh, that's a unique hit point.

Hey, Marin, the currency is blood.

What if I had gold or platinum instead?

Oh, that's worthless.

Oh, Marin doesn't want that.

I love it.

It's not like off your like total age, like permanently, right?

It's just like taking a hit kind of thing.

Hemo pieces are units of currency here in Vania.

Have you not been here before?

This is my first time.

Oh, well, you must first go to the Vlad Bank and make an exchange to get some Hemo pieces, if you wish to purchase anything here.

Oh, totally knew that.

Yeah.

Okay.

I'm going to go to the Vlad bank real quick.

When you two, Marin, do you make Marinera?

I'm so sorry for my friend, Marin.

We'll be back.

See you later, Marin.

He loses an inspiration back.

Oh, it says on Chip's character sheet he's level six now.

He's gone down.

Should we

go to the Vladbank?

You walk over to the Vlad Bank and walk inside, and inside is a blood-stained wooden counter lit by a single candle illuminating a single teller wearing a name tag that says Ravenverth.

It's a middle-aged human woman.

She's fiddling with a small knife.

She got patchy dark blue hair.

She's covered in scars and wearing a black vest.

Bonjour, we are here to get some currency from you.

Ooh, my uh uh customers, okay.

Can't handle this.

Wait, Elga, would you have any in savings?

Hello, my name is Elga von Brath.

Can you look up my account, please?

And not count, but account.

This is good.

This is good.

Oh, yes, of course, the von Brath.

Your father's account is plentiful.

Okay, excellent.

I would like to make a withdrawal.

Hmm, I don't see your name as a signatory here.

That's odd.

You know how you let your children have access to your bank account.

Perhaps if you bring

Count von Broth here,

he can make a withdrawal on your behalf.

Yes, I see why you would need that.

But did he not call you earlier and say that I'd be coming to do this?

Is Elga a trust fund, baby?

Does Elga maybe have something to

no, no, uh, no no count von broth here recently so strange you might be forgetting when he called you and said that his daughter would be coming to make a hefty withdrawal definitely remember that what no no definitely would remember that yeah what kind of creature is he uh middle-aged human woman that help would that help you i mean i could cast a spell try and uh try

i feel like very ruffled enough feathers in this town i don't want to like get booted or attacked.

How might we exchange for some emo uh coins?

Oh hemo pieces.

Yes, yes, yes.

For every drop of blood you exchange, you receive one hemo piece.

And then

what is a drop of blood to our character?

Medigame-wise, it's a one-hit point.

Like damage or permanent?

Damage.

Just damage.

You provide the blood, and it must be fresh, and you can extract it however you wish, as long as it is red and wet.

Does a metagame perspective as well question the blood that Elga has in her sippy cup, does that count for anything?

It has to be fresh.

Fresh.

Fresh.

Okie dokie.

I'm so on my guard.

I honestly don't think that I would do the transfer because

I feel like we've been attacked and so many things have happened that I don't know that I'd want to make myself that vulnerable.

I take my spear out, I cut my hand, and give them 55.

Well, it's not an exact science, unfortunately.

You have to roll damage from your spear and see how much damage it takes.

I don't have to keep hitting myself with spear.

That's brutal.

All right, let's do this.

Stop hitting ourselves.

Stop hitting ourselves.

Stop hitting yourself.

This is a little bit of a gamble.

You don't know when it's going to stop.

Let's do this.

Rolling for damage.

11.

You see Raven Virth start pulling out some tokens.

So she starts pulling out crimson tokens with the Vanian sigil branded on it.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11.

The Vanian symbol, I'm guessing, is the blood drop with the white.

Correct.

Okay.

Let's let it ride.

That's another 10 for a total of 21.

She pulls out 10 more.

She's like, it's like at a casino.

She's got like, it's like chips, a little pile of them.

It's kind of dark when you think about it, how people come in here to get these pieces.

I'm just like, yeah, I just slaughtered someone.

I guess some money in return.

That was 12 for a total of 33.

33.

Let's keep going.

That's another 8.

41.

Let's keep going.

It don't look so good.

What was I?

33.

You're at 41, so that's now 53.

12.

I'm at 3 HP.

Oh, my God.

I literally can't roll anything else that wouldn't hit me.

Here you go.

Raven Birth hands over.

What did I say?

53?

Hemo.

i have three hp yeah what happens if jac scratches me

or gigi do we have we established gigi no i i would say you know it wouldn't be much damage i would say gigi would probably do like a d2's worth of damage okay so roll a d4 one and two is one three and four is two one

54 go for the gold so i'm at two hp yeah so now you have what did we say 52 yeah 52 uh hemo pieces oh the 94.

54.

54, sorry.

54 hemo pieces.

We have two HP left.

Yeah.

I kind of want to do it again.

No, no.

Don't.

What if Mati dies here?

Oh, he did it.

Roll the one.

55.

I'm a monk.

I'm made of precision.

You did it.

And I give him a big slap.

Dead.

Mati's got 55 hemo pieces.

Yeah.

I'm dripping with money.

That was fun, guys.

We should do this more often.

What do you guys think about it?

Mated just faints.

Do you have a glass of orange juice I can have?

Can Barney do, I guess, a peel of alleviation on Matid?

What does that do?

It heals you.

1d6 plus 5 hit points.

Yeah.

More money!

Do I roll or you roll it?

I roll it.

Oh, you roll it.

That's, yeah, six plus five, so that's 11.

And then I'm also going to give you a...

I think I have a healing potion.

And I can't.

I.

What?

I would, I would probably hold on to it.

I feel like.

Yeah, but would we, like, I don't know.

We're in a safish place, right?

I don't know.

What'd you give?

So what are you giving me?

11 hit points.

Total?

You have healing.

And then I'm also going to do.

I'll cast healing word at the second level.

So that's 2d4 plus 5.

All right.

Go ahead and roll that.

That's eight.

So a total of 19.

Yeah.

Mateet cuts themselves again.

No!

I was waiting for this.

I don't know why Barney's doing this.

Mateet's just going to immediately convert it.

I was like, he didn't even ask.

She just started healing.

I was like, I know what the next step here is.

Jean was very quiet.

Something had to be going on.

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I'll see you there.

Just gonna do a talent.

No, no, Barney grabs you.

Barney, Barney, Barney.

Apes.

Barney grabs.

Too late.

I think a monk would be able to evade you.

Yeah, yeah.

Can we roll for it?

You can stop them, Barney.

I turn incorporeal while you tried to grab.

Then you can't hurt yourself.

I can turn back whenever I want.

So another eight.

Yeah,

Raven Verth

pulls out eight more

cases.

That's 14.

Another six?

That's 14.

This is not my intent.

What are you doing?

You didn't clarify.

You just started healing without asking.

This is why we have to bet Ben Jones.

I was paying attention.

I forgot that Jones' insane.

You can say that, but Matit's rich now.

I had 20.

I'm now down to six again.

Correct.

I have a total of 69 coins right now.

Nice.

I don't have anything that could do that little damage, so I'm going to do a couple of Gigi scratches.

I'm going to do two Gigi scratches.

Okay.

That's a two and a four, so that's one in two.

So I'm down to three HP.

That's an easy GG scratch right there.

That's a ZG scratch.

That's a four.

I'm back down to three, Kenny.

I'm back down to one.

So what do you have?

Well, I have so 55 plus 19.

So 74.

74.

Evil pieces.

Barney, that was so kind of you to do that.

Now I have so much more money to go spend and do some shopping.

You really exist.

Do you want to, do you have any more?

Do you want to do some more?

I, you know.

This place is evil.

This would be an abomination of a place to Barney.

It's just like a place that's like uses life as currency.

This is great.

It's like that's an allegory for capitalism.

Yeah.

Bleed and spin.

I kind of want to.

Now I kind of want it.

I won over Chip.

I won over Chip.

I'm just going to do it in rapid succession.

I'm going to pull out my crossbow and just shoot myself a couple of times.

His crossbow.

Chip, if you want, I could help you and make this go faster.

Six.

Yeah, go ahead.

Six.

410.

Hey, does bonus HP count?

13.

What do you mean bonus HP?

Does bonus HP count towards the 21?

Like champ HP?

Yeah, yeah.

You were saying bonus HP.

That's what I was like.

29.

No, he can do what he wants.

33.

I

chip's max is 53.

38.

Chip's just shooting a crossbow into his legs.

46.

I think his head.

He's just shooting into his head.

51.

Got two HP.

Man, best up.

Gigi?

I have a 50-50 chances surviving.

Do it.

Do it.

Ah, Carol's dead.

What do I got to live for?

What a rip, GG.

Okay, it's a roll of D4.

A one and two is a success.

A three and four is you're down to zero.

That's a one.

Look at that.

Make sure you all write down how many humo pieces you all have because I'm not keeping track of that.

Well, I just got to damage myself and I'll just make the math.

Damage.

You have, I think, 52.

52.

I've done it.

What HP?

Let's go, Miss Dan.

We're going to

put money.

We're going to Vegas next.

Shopping spree.

Vaniagus.

Yeah, Vaniagus.

Let's go to the slots.

Okay.

Anyway, so following up, if I could take something from my dad's account.

Of course.

Once you bring Count Van Brath here, we'll happily do that.

You know,

I'll follow up.

We'll be here.

Okay.

All right.

So,

Ravenverse looks at Barney.

What about you, sir?

Money, Barney.

I believe you've taken enough from us.

We don't take, we exchange.

We have a very fair exchange rate here at the Vlad Bank.

Matit's just in the corner, like, flipping one of the hemo pieces.

What happens if you give the hemo piece back?

Then we'll consider it a deposit.

Yeah.

You don't get that to your health?

No, there's no.

Unfortunately, there's no way to do that.

You know, Barney, you know, if we get attacked in this town, it could be bad for me and Matit.

Give me like healing things, like group heals.

I really just, I'm feeling really vulnerable.

Barney's about to like clunk both of y'all

and drag you out.

Okay.

No hemo pieces for Elga.

Not right now.

No hemo pieces for Barney.

Let's go shop.

Take your blood, bunny.

I will take it to the bank.

Ah, too late.

I'm already there.

Barney, go ahead and give yourself an inspiration.

I like that one.

Yeah, where do y'all want to go?

Do you want to go back to Marin's Mantlery or do you want to go?

What else was there?

Do you want your sash?

I could probably hold off if I find something better.

I'm in need of a weapon.

The Bladbonk, of course, Lowe's Hanging Fruit, Olden Wares, Marin's Mantlery, and Vaneyard Valhera.

Let's go to Vineyard Valhera.

Let's go.

Yeah.

Yep.

Y'all walk over in that direction, and it's an outdoor wine bar.

They have a bunch of patrons sitting under shade trellises, sipping from goblets and flutes.

There's a bartender there who appears to be a female goblin.

She's currently holding a corkscrew wearing a blood-stained apron.

Bonjour,

we are visiting your fair city for the first time.

What is it that you offer at your fine establishment?

Oh, welcome.

I'm Valhera.

Pleased to meet you.

We have

a fine assortment of beverages.

She motions behind her, and you see that behind Valhera sits stacks and stacks of barrels with thin tubes spiraling out, funneled into wine bottles.

Why don't you make me a perception check, Matid?

Could we also tell if she is it like a stutter or is she nervous?

You can make me an insight check, Elga.

Good catch.

19.

Mate, you notice that the barrels shudder or moan every now and then.

Oh my god.

Also, I did a Nat 20 on my insight check.

This place is delightful.

You may think that maybe it's not necessarily fear.

Okay.

But it's not like her speech.

It's like not like a stutter in her speech kind of thing.

Yeah,

it's kind of like just a general stutter of the speech.

Yeah.

You would assume so based on your insight check.

Okay.

Are all of your beverages, let's say, blood-based or do you have things that are for those of a different

palate?

Oh, um...

This is all various vein varieties.

Now, are these...

Would you prefer a dark vein variety or a light v vein variety?

Are these cruelty-free sourced or

oh, yeah,

Grass fed or

farm the table.

Elke, would you like to have something since this place seems to be geared towards you?

Yes.

Barney just leaves.

I would love a glass.

What would you recommend?

We have a dark vein variety, Rothe Rosso,

Lupe Lunan Noir, or the light vein varieties like a Gundac Seco or a Jaculi Blanc.

Have the noir one, please.

Maybe in a vintage, yeah.

A

selenogical essence fused with the delicate, malicious undertones.

She pours you a glass

that's one HP.

I toss a coin.

Ah, thank you, Madid.

My pleasure.

So is it like, you said the barrels were shaking and moaning?

Yeah.

So is it like someone, a living creature's in there?

I don't know.

No, it's like, you know, at Disneyland when it's like a little attraction.

It's like all for show.

Is there someone?

Is there a creature in that barrel?

Who are you asking?

What's their name?

Her name is Valhera.

Valhera.

Oh, no, that's

a vein variety source.

Okay.

Insight.

Yeah.

17.

Do you think that she is being honest about it being about what she said?

No, but was she...

When I asked if there was something living in it...

She said it's a vein variety source.

Does that mean there's something living in it?

Living.

Um, No.

Maybe.

You're very inquisitive.

He's new here.

Don't mind him.

He's...

What kind do you want?

She's asking you, Barney.

I don't want anything.

I'll take his.

Your loop luna noir is a very delicious Elga.

Does it do anything to you?

You think it may be dire wolf blood?

You've had this before.

Hints of dire and hints of wolf.

No notes of wolf.

She's spinning the glass around in her little hand.

That's exactly how a little kid would play at a minor.

She drinks it and it leaves like a little milk mustache.

Adorable.

Got dire wolf?

Yeah.

No,

it doesn't give you anything.

It doesn't affect anything.

Okay.

Okay.

What was that other place?

It was the wares.

Olden wares.

Oldenwares.

Let's go there.

Are you good, Edigo?

I think so.

So you said these were like, you said

vein sources?

Vain varieties.

Vain varieties.

Vain varieties.

I'm looking for the pun or the hidden meaning.

Well, they said it was like different.

You know, it's like if you if you feed a cow grass or if you feed it, you know, butter.

I don't know.

Oh God.

Okay, well, thank you, Valhara.

I guess we'll go now.

Walking away.

I think Barney is just like, I hope you enjoy your day.

Thank you.

I hope you enjoy your day too, sir.

I'm not talking to you.

Are you talking to me?

I'm talking to you.

For all you know, that could be my family.

Is your family your family a dire wolf?

No, but they could have ended up in the same place.

I don't know.

So it's all fun and games.

I'm glad you're having a good time.

Thank you, Barney.

I'm having a great time, actually.

It's just all just swirling.

Barney's imagining his family locked in a barrel and being bled dry.

Well, not imagining that.

I have not done anything bad.

I have given my blood and that's all I've done.

And now I'd like to go see what they have at the Oldenwares bonnie.

Is that okay with you?

Yes.

Okay, thank you.

We'll go.

Thank you.

As you all are walking over to the sign that says Oldenwares, you see a crowd forming near the middle of town in front of the vamp spire.

In the center are a few people shouting at the top of their lungs.

Dracula?

More like Dracula.

Uh-oh.

Your own so-called leader has broken the Vanian vows himself.

And yet he refuses to answer for himself.

The crowd begins to grumble and shuffle closer.

You catch a glimpse of three protesters interlocking arms blocking the entrance to the vampspire.

They start shouting in unison.

You can't bite!

We won't budge!

Till we get some oversight!

People in the crowd start to shout at the protesters.

Where do you come off?

Yeah, Dracula would never break the vows.

Who do you think you are anyway?

The protester in the center steps onto a pedestal, and you finally see it's a fetching woman with green eyes, fading long auburn hair, wearing a floral-patterned blouse.

She looks familiar.

Our names aren't important, but our cause is.

The alchemist's jaw drops.

That's that's my wife.

Frankeska!

The crowd becomes irate and starts charging straight for the three protesters.

Francesca!

Find out what happens in the next episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I hope they get here faster than not.

I didn't think we'd be seeing Frankie.

We had a bit of a detour.

That's true.

What were we doing?

Perish!

Man.

All right.

Well, thanks for listening, everybody.

We'll see you guys next week.

This show is directly supported by FIRST members.

We love them.

We adore them.

We hug them with consent.

And you can become one, as always, at stinkydragonpod.com slash first.

I want to shout out some amazing little stinkers like at Lonsoon or at Mirandalorian K.

They couldn't get enough, so they became a first member just to watch second win.

That's what I heard down the street.

We got Suki Rosela.

We got Darfs.

Darfs, yours is a fun one to say.

And we got Armalika.

Armalika.

Both.

I'm saying both.

Both are proper pronunciations.

And they discovered us through reels, specifically this one reel about vertical staircases, which don't exist.

They're all directly supporting the show and they get access to great content.

Everyone knows this.

Everyone's listening to Second Wind or watching Second Wind or they're joining us in our subscriber only Discord channels and events.

I know you've already heard this.

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That'd be cool.

We can't thank you enough for your support.

Some cool listeners that interact with us on social media and Discord, they had their NPCs named after them this episode, which is super cute.

We had Marin the Modest, who is inspired by Talahia, who is a first member voiced by Carrie Shawcross at Carrie Shawcross.

We had Ravenworth the Teller that was inspired by D.V.

Ravenworth, who is a first member, and Valhera the Connoisseur was inspired by Child of Chaos, who is also a first member.

Additionally, the Alchemist was voiced by Blizbear, who can be founded at Blizzbear.

The Sferatu were voiced by David Sonye at David underscore Sonye.

Francesca Esteban was voiced by Jessica Vasami.

at Jessica Vasami.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sonye.

Head on over to stinkydragonpod.com/slash first for all things stinky and tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

I'm sorry.

I did not mean to roll an initiative.

I already just rolled initiative.

I guess Elga, you better make a reflex save or something.

No, no, that was an accident.

I fidget when I'm uncomfortably fidget, and I clicked initiative.

Well, in that case, Elga rolls initiative.