C02 - Ep. 34 - Vengeance in Vainia - Painful Passing & Parsing Parcels

This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance.

Fiscally responsible, financial geniuses, monetary magicians.

These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

Visit progressive.com to see if you could save.

Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

Potential savings will vary, not available in all states or situations.

Best wishes, all you bats.

Flap on into the stinky dragon.

Imbibe our latest brew.

Look on the bite side.

It's a mixture of count chocolate syrup, a dollop of whipping screen, a dash of cinnamon and nutmug, a gushing artery of caffeinated blood,

and a gushing artery of caffeinated blood.

I hate you, Ben.

And a gushing artery of caffeinated blood.

Ripping, ripping, babe.

Keep them all in.

Keep them all in.

One sip of this savage sauce is enough to make you screech and click to your heart's content.

Previously, our adventurers woke up at the base of a black mountain searching for signs of the alchemist and Carol.

After a few dragged bodies and drops of blood, they found their former horned foe, the hemogoblin.

The blood elemental was no match for the party and was put out to pasture, but the team was dealt a devastating loss of their own.

Nab some nocturnal nectar and nestle in for this noxious narrative.

Hello, everyone.

I'm Gustavo Srolla, Dungeon Master of our Putrid Party.

I'm gonna hit our four players with an arrow.

Do it, take it.

No one said ow.

This week's role-playing warm-up question is thank you.

Who said it?

Was that you, Bling?

No, it was me.

John is saying it's rich.

I have a much more manly owl.

John, you get the inspiration, Dot.

The role-playing warm-up question.

What magical power does your character wish they had?

The power to understand the rest of the party.

Well, you have to introduce yourself first.

I'm John Reisinger, the manliest man of all the mans.

I play Matsi Confisius, air Cochrane Ghost Monk.

A magical power that I could have.

Well, I already can do a lot of very, what some people think is very magical.

You know, some people think that flight is very magical.

So magical.

You're a bird.

Birds can fly.

It's not magical.

Some people,

someone sounds jealous over there.

I can fly.

Yeah, but it has to be like dim and like you can only float a little bit.

It's kind of sad.

So I and get down to my confessional booth.

This is my time.

Just peeking through the curtains.

Mate's looking down their beak at Barty.

And

I can pass through objects and sometimes stay in there for an hour.

But what magical power does your character wish, or Mate, what magical power do you wish you had?

It's not just

inventory, all your

magical power.

I'm just having a moment, okay?

Can I have a moment?

This is our time to be able to share our personalities.

Magical power, I wish that I could,

I wish that I could always know the exact time when the croissants are perfect.

Just to have that innate, I mean, I'm already very good at it, but if it was just perfect every time,

life would be good.

That'd be it.

That's a great magical power.

Yeah.

Who's next?

Silence.

Hi, I'm Kristen Maris, and I play Barney Farney, the human cleric.

He's looking very aggressively at us as he says that.

That might be the first time he said Barney Farney, not as Barney.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah.

Barney Farney.

Is that like he was like, he was like looking back and forth at Blainey as though, like, trying to see if we would call him out.

Like, we told him he isn't Barney Farney.

And he's like, no, I am.

If I could have one magical power, the ability to go back in time.

Oh.

If I turn.

Back to

far away.

That's a good one.

What would you do with that, Barney?

A lot of things.

Why do you want to go back in time?

I'd go to Vegas.

I'd take the sports almanac with me.

That's what I was thinking.

What's a sport?

It's what you call a young child, don't you?

Yeah,

I don't want to abduct a child in time travel.

Didn't chip like letter and something in Yamford?

Did you play a sport?

Oh, yeah, I played lots of things in Yanford.

You know, I was a triathlete.

What are the three sports in triathlon?

Oh, you know.

Stabbing.

Stabbing.

Sneaking.

Sneaking.

And

this is on you.

He's fire dancing.

Oh.

I like that.

Those three.

Sneaking, stabbing, and fire dancing.

Hey, there's Chipaney.

Did Barney have anything else to share about turning back times?

He fell asleep.

He fell asleep.

Chipaney here, you know,

Yanford alumni, alumnus.

Alumni.

Which one of you?

I actually don't know.

I don't either.

Let us know in the comments.

They didn't teach me that in Yamford.

It's the one thing they didn't teach.

You got a single grammar class in all of Yamford.

There's lots of powers that I wish I could have, you know, like, you know, to help me out with my,

you know, killing, if I could have some like sort of like cool super death power or maybe to help fight fire, some sort of fire control, like water power.

But really, the power that I wish I had the most was

just perception ability.

I just wish I could perceive just anything, you know.

That seems like magic to you.

Yeah, yeah.

I run out into the rain and then, you know, Carol would be like, hey, is it raining?

And then I'd be like, you know, I don't know.

Because I don't have perception.

I don't perceive any rain.

Yeah.

Well, you know, humans can't perceive wetness.

Well, he's a tiefling.

Yeah, I'm a tiefling.

Tieflings can.

We know when it's wet.

You can't perceive it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

What about debt?

He's just wet and doesn't know why.

I'm blanking as a mess.

What about debt?

I don't know.

That stays in.

So alumnus refers specifically to a singular male graduate.

And alumni is the plural form for a group of male graduates and for a group group of male and female graduates.

Meanwhile, the singular term for female graduates is alumna or alumnae with an AE at the end, which I never know.

I've never heard alumnae.

Those are for the horse.

That is from the University of Nottingham.

Isn't alumni also what you would call where you went?

That's your alma mater.

Alma mater.

Not like I'm a Yanford alumni.

You can't.

Alumni.

Yeah.

Alumna.

Sounds like a mistake.

Yeah, it does.

But who's not a mistake?

Elga.

Are you done, Chip?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So hold on, let me perceive if I'm done.

I don't know if we really turned up the volume on this.

Yeah, we were sitting here before we started recording, and John, I think, had moved Blaine's headphones from one plug to another.

And Blaine was just sitting there and not saying anything, which is the blank look on his face.

I was turning the volume up to see when it got to a point that he liked it.

And he did nothing.

He did nothing.

Then he just said, yeah, that's real loud.

You kept turning it louder, and then I was like, I was so distracted by the louder.

No clue.

It's like when someone comes over and pours water, and you just watch them pour water until it's like overflowing.

You never said when.

Well, I'm just like, well, surely they're going to stop this.

I can't hear what it sounds like.

Anyway.

Hello, party people.

Elga in the house.

Thank you for tuning into my stream.

Pew, pew, pew.

I'm Barbara Donkelman.

What's up?

I voice Elga von Breath, the half-elf vampire barbarian, level seven.

Nice.

And

sound like shit there for some time.

I'm getting my thoughts together.

That was like zigzagging verbally.

I know.

I'm going all over the place.

You know, Elga, I have many, you know, powers.

You know, I have

superhuman strengths.

I have flight.

Now that I could change into a bat.

You know, that's also shape-shifting.

And then I also have, you know, just in general, longevity, I guess, is another power.

Living Living for a very long time.

But what power do you want?

So, yeah, you know, thank you, Barney, for asking.

So nice of you.

Get out of my booth, please.

I think I would choose invisibility.

Because I think that would be pretty scary when you see an axe just flying at you with no little girl attached.

Although it's probably even more scary having a little girl attached to the axe.

So it's like Elga already has invisibility against Chip because his perception is so low, he never knows where Elga is.

You're too short for him to perceive.

You're below his line line of sight so you don't exist elga with invisibility would be like the worst mosquito ever because you never you never know when you get bit until you feel it and that's what it'd be like if just elga was just like you just feel two fangs go in and it's like ah you're all dripping and you're like what's going on can i change my answer invisibility sounds real cool

can i perceive if i can change my answer

i'm sorry

i feel like there might be a a good puppet compilation or something there with like all the get out of my booth get out of my booth yeah oh yeah i feel like we had a few of those in this episode.

Some confessionals.

Yeah.

Well, I feel like this arrow kind of turned into a humble brag session for a couple of characters

of their abilities and then capping it off with an ability they wish they had.

I think

it taught me a lot.

Hopefully, it taught the audience a lot.

Surrounded by undead gods, and I'm just, I got a knife.

Oh, that's pretty nice.

It's a nice knife, though.

Though her clothes are soaked in blood, Carol is ghastly white, her frail body gaunt with throbbing green veins.

She looks up at you with a hollow face.

Hey there.

It's you.

Chip.

Chip hay.

She said, hey there.

A weak smile comes across her face.

You notice a sigil on her belt.

Do I, uh, or does Chip recognize the sigil?

Why don't you roll a wisdom check?

That's a 19 minus one 18.

With a roll that high, I'll tell you that you don't recognize the sigil, but because you don't recognize it, that's why it sticks out to you.

This is something older than the knowledge of clan sigils that you know.

You found me.

I'm so sorry for

everything.

Well, it's up to you now, honey.

Find She

complete

my

mission.

I

love you, Chip.

Her feeble hand reaches up to touch your face, but it falls to the ground and her body exhales one final breath.

Yeah, I didn't know we were gonna come right back into that moment.

We just came right back into it.

Hey, you want to relive this moment?

This better be like a big chip lore episode where he gets superpowers and a cool new weapon.

You guys have been really mean to me lately.

And could bring back now that wife.

Man, you asked for the wrong ability.

what do you mean when you asked if you could

oh no it should be like the original superman movie from the 70s you just you should want to fly then fly around the world so fast you make it go backwards and you run

yeah uh um hey gang can i can i have a moment um

yeah what's up uh no i just oh with her with her with us yeah yeah yeah sorry gang sorry uh I'm gonna let them like kind of leave eyesight, and then I'm just gonna kind of hold Carol.

Oh, I'm kind of tearing up.

Gonna hold Carol, close her eyes for her.

You know, I feel like I know Chip knows death intimately enough to know that there's probably nothing he can do at this point.

Chip, why don't you go ahead and roll a medicine check?

That would be...

You got intelligence.

It's a nat 20.

Not 20.

He needs it.

Can you imagine what you roll determines if Carol lives?

He lives or dies.

You have a negative one on medicine.

Yeah, but you know,

it's still a nat 20.

It's a nat 20.

It's a nat 20.

It's an at 20.

You can tell that her death was brought on by some kind of venom that poisoned her blood.

In essence, the life was drained from her, and the poisoning seems to have started from like the waist, like the midsection that spread out from there.

Okay.

Like she was stabbed in the midsection or something?

Yeah, or is this like a

pregnancy kind of thing?

Is it like what is what?

What else can I determine?

Is there a.

Check what he just said.

Yeah, is there like an external wound or anything on that?

You gotta make an investigation check.

Oh, okay.

It's like mortuary assistant.

Oh my god, six.

Hold on.

I think I might have.

Oh, I have inspiration.

Could I also help him investigate?

Are we still there?

Where we've stayed?

This is a very private moment for Chip, and I think he'd want to do this on his own.

Yeah, this would just be Chip then.

I'm going to use my inspiration for another investigation.

Not much better, 10.

10.

That's fine.

You don't need that high of a roll because, you know, when you look, you can see that it's pretty clear to you that the source of the venom seems to be a magic belt strapped to her waist.

Seems like it's really on there tight, and it's difficult to unfasten or move it.

But when you open it up and look at it, it looks like it contains a vial with a few droplets left of some kind of green venom, maybe.

Was this like a drip feeding thing, or was it triggered, like, remotely?

Well, there's a contraption in it, right, that seems like it's there to inject the venom with two fang-like syringes, so it wasn't necessarily like metered out.

Okay.

And if you remember from the end of the last episode, the belt has a buckle with the shape of a red blood drop, and inside is the outline of a white upside-down triangle.

You don't recognize the symbol, but you do know that it's something older than the clan sigils that you know.

Hmm.

Okay.

Something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue.

Maybe she's getting married.

Is Elga back?

Yeah, my wife's definitely dead.

Thanks for asking me, Elga.

Okay, well, so with that, can I do any other

look through or is there anything else to be done?

If you want, you can make like an arcana check to see if you're able to figure out anything related to the belt 13.

the belt seems to emanate some kind of maybe divination or necromancy magic it's clearly some kind of rare magical device that's capable of being activated from far distance oh uh and it almost seems like it would track the wearer's location it has like and the reason you were having trouble opening it or you know removing it from her is because it's magically locked so it was remote triggered, and she was basically being held hostage.

I'll relay this to the group, but can I go through her stuff?

I feel like I can also piece together what's going on in her final moments by the equipment that Carol carried on her.

Yeah, you go ahead and start looking through

like her pockets, and you find, you know, of course, the belt and the mechanism, you know, that we just talked about.

In her left pocket, you find some letter supplies, like, you know, paper, pen.

And in her right pocket, you find a photo that's folded in half of you, Chip.

Okay.

I'll quietly pocket that in the bum bag.

Okay, well then at this point, yeah, I'll just kinda hold her for a while longer, you know, and just kind of process that.

And then uh, hey gang, let's gather around.

Team, team meet up.

Chip, I'm so sorry that you lost your wife again.

Yeah, thanks, Elga.

Barney trying to like, I don't know, cast this

any spells, spells, like your healing spells?

Or like...

I don't have...

Man, if I...

I feel like

Chip would kind of sense that that's what he's trying to do, and he knows it's in good intentions, but I think maybe Chip would kind of

back.

It is okay, Barney.

We know you would if you could.

Yeah.

Why don't Barney, why don't you roll me a wisdom check?

With pleasure.

I don't like the way you said that.

I don't like the either.

Cut that.

I don't ever want you to do that.

I'm glad you said it too.

Well, I didn't didn't roll great.

That was a 10 total.

So, you know,

you think about it, and, you know, Chip kind of puts his hand on your shoulder, expressing, you know, his desire.

But then you realize that maybe

your divine power would be better served assisting Lewis, who's also laying there unconscious.

Oh.

Oh.

I forgot he was here.

Yeah.

He's in Lewis form?

That's why I got your roll of wisdom check to see if you remember it.

Yes, yes.

I have a question while he's doing that.

Is poison...

poison's necrotic typically, right?

There's various kinds.

Do we know what type of poison is in injecting her?

So you relate everything to them, right, Chip?

Yeah, yeah.

I basically just like very cold, calculated, here's the facts, no emotions.

Could I look at it and see if I recognize the sigil?

Yeah, but real fast, to answer your previous question, in this specific case, there is necromancy magic involved with it.

So that's necrotic.

Yeah, and then the necrotic would be necromancy.

Okay.

And then you want to see if you recognize the sigil?

Yeah.

Yeah, can I check too?

Well, you're working on.

Yeah, that's right.

We'll deal with you and Lewis here in a second.

Then, if you want, you can take a look at it after that, Barney.

You take a look at the sigil as well that's in the magical belt, and you do recognize it, Elga.

You recognize it as being the sigil of Vania, your homeland.

Oh,

Chip.

I promise I had nothing to do with this, but I recognize the sigil that's on Carol's belt.

It's from Vania,

where I'm from.

Okay.

But I did not put it on her.

No, no, Elga.

I didn't think you would have.

You've seen my hands the whole time?

Of course.

No, this isn't your style.

I know it's not you.

It's much too subtle.

Yeah.

I'm like Elga's.

You've seen my hands the whole time.

I picture like a little kid holding their hands up like

they clean.

I have a question.

Uh-huh.

Help me remember, but you have to help me remember because I have perfect memory as a character.

John doesn't have the feet.

Mateed has the feet, so Gus has to be the one to tell Mate.

Hello, Matee.

Bonjour.

We were on the train before we detoured to Paris to Vania.

Why were we on our way to Vania?

Or why were we...

Someone said, maybe Weezer.

Somebody was there with Vania.

Yeah, we all met up.

Yeah, you were going to Vania to try to follow on a lead to continue the investigation to go after, if I remember right, and correct me if I'm wrong, you were on the train to continue the investigation to follow potentially where Eddie might be.

Okay, so it was just a latest whereabouts of Eddie.

Correct, as far as I remember.

Okay, thank you.

And I want to go back to Chris real fast because I did have him make that check.

You, you know, you remember that Lewis is there, and you think about possibly using some of your healing power to see if that could bring him back.

But I want you to make, I'll let you choose either a medicine or an arcana check on that.

Medicine,

that's 21.

Nice.

You think that your healing spells will not wake him.

You need something more powerful and permanent to kind of counteract the curse afflicting his body.

So he doesn't have a poison belt.

He's just unconscious.

He's just unconscious.

Correct.

How did he go down again?

You were not aware of that.

When you found him, he was floating unconscious in the hemoglobin.

Oh, gotcha.

Gotcha, gotcha.

So can I see what, like, is he just unconscious?

Like, is there anything else wrong with with him?

Like,

based on your medicine check, I'll say that it does seem like he's just unconscious, but you're not entirely sure why.

You think, based on that medicine check, you think it has something to do with the curse that's affecting him?

Could I, I don't know if this is going to do anything at all.

Could I attempt to suck the poison out of Carol?

Ooh, interesting.

Yeah, that's interesting.

Uh, yeah, how would we do that?

I'll have you make uh, I guess, a medicine check.

How would you approach that?

Because that's gonna optics-wise, not look the best.

Okay, chip maybe just turn around for a second also it is it is difficult i i do want to clarify the belt is still like very much in your way

we have not been able to magically remove we can't take the belt off you what that's what you said it's it is magically attached it is

could elga just look at the belt and see if she recognizes or not takes it off yeah i mean uh i i and i i i just bring it up as like a point because i don't think anyone specifically said that they're really gonna try to you know to mess with it i mean i'd absolutely try to take it off if i have the opportunity i'll let chip try first then in that case uh elga why don't you roll like an arcana check to see if you're able to uh counteract the magics on it you know sleight of hand huh not

because it's really nice 20 24 24 when it matters you do it he's not looking yeah you're able to like fudge around with it and uh you figure out a way to unlock it it seems very counterintuitive and it's not a straightforward you know chip is very much used to dealing with non-magical locks you know picking locks and getting things open like that so this is a little counterintuitive for you, but you are able to free it and get it off.

Okay, and does that do anything?

I mean, now that I've stopped the feed of the necrotic poison?

No, I mean, it wasn't still continuing to feed.

It was like the

syringes had already

emptied themselves.

So, now it is free if Elga wanted to

see where the punctures were and try to

protect the

two small puncture wounds from the syringes.

Like on her

bag, her waist,

Okay um medical assistance has arrived.

Carol everyone please look away.

I'm very embarrassed to do this but I must try.

Elga goes in and tries to suck the poison.

Alright go ahead and make a constitution saving throw.

And I am I am uh resistance to necrotic.

Okay.

20.

Ooh nice.

You know, you are able to extract some of the venom and I assume you know you you extract it and spit it out.

Spit it out.

And you know, it leaves a very awful taste in your mouth.

And

it does make you feel a little dizzy, but you're able to shake it off and maintain your composure.

Is there anything I could identify about the taste of it?

Yeah, I was going to say, if we want to do this roleplay, hey, Elga, have you, weird question, have you ever bit Eddie?

Have I?

I don't think so.

I don't think I have.

Because I'm starting to think that this is definitely something to do with.

Because he's green in veins.

He says her veins turned green, yeah.

Yeah.

I have a question.

I had John here with questions all the time.

Hi, John.

Long time listener, first time caller.

Where are we?

Yeah, you're on the mountainside.

Why are we on that mountain?

Because if I recall, we were in the grotto like area, the Talon

headquarters with the tree and all that.

And then end of combat, Carol like went unconscious and we appeared here?

Or did I hear that wrong?

You so at the start of the last episode, well at the end of the previous episode, you all had lost consciousness.

and when you came to...

We lost consciousness and we came to.

Right.

And you were on the side of the mountain and you began making...

You, one of you, I forget, who found blood leading in the track up and then followed it up.

So did we lose consciousness because of something Carol did?

Oh, in the previous episode before.

Yeah.

Shirock cast a spell that had knocked everyone unconscious.

Shirock, who was the one that was remaining in the circle of magic?

Or the.

No, she was the one that got banished, right?

Yeah, she came back for banishment.

Oh, I missed that entirely.

Okay.

So Shirak came, put us all into a spell, and we became conscious in this mountain space.

Unconscious.

Oh, yeah, right.

You regained consciousness on this mountain space.

Can we correct?

Okay, so playing off of this, can we tell how much time has elapsed since the encounter with the

making.

I feel like I've been asking for a lot, but go ahead and make a wisdom.

No, no, no, make a survival check.

Could I also assist that by doing a little bit of reconnaissance?

Can Mati do some

flight and look and see where are we?

Maybe even just see like, do I see Parish, Parish, or the

hag place?

Yeah, maybe

Covenard.

I rolled a three on survival.

Talon Headquarters.

Yeah, let me deal with Blaine while I'm doing that.

Matid rolls.

We're throwing a lot at you today, guys.

Yeah.

Sorry.

A perception check.

I like these moments.

I mean, this is a bummer, but we're like in investigation mode.

We're like, now we've got to figure out the next steps of our journey and we have some leads.

Did you roll?

Three.

You're not sure.

You know, you know that it's evening, but you're not sure if it's evening of the same day that previous combat happened, or if it's the next day, or even the day after that.

Does chip grow like stubble?

You got a mustache.

Can we tell like how long has it been?

Yeah.

You bust out your Yamford ruler.

See how many millimeters

the old mustache has grown.

One gray hair.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

16 for a perception check.

You think that way far in the distance, you may see the walls of Parish.

Okay, so we are a distance away.

Much further than we would have been if we had just come out straight up from

Talon.

Correct.

Thank you.

Let's huddle up, gang, because we got to come up with some steps.

Obviously, there's some holes in the memory, and,

you know, we got some

crimes to solve.

Obviously, we need to bring back Louis slash Alchemist.

And I think

based on the belt and what Elgis said, we're going to have to go to

Transylvania or Tyler.

We're going to have to go to Vania.

I just don't know what to do with them.

Like, is there anybody that we can call in for assistance?

I got the Cartesias.

Do you think I should try a messenger to those?

I always assume it was Carol talking to me.

I think that's a worthwhile thing to try out.

The Cartesia were the letters that I write.

Yeah.

He found pen and paper or writing utensils, writing materials in...

Is that what those were?

Correct.

Do you want to check?

Yeah, I mean...

there is there anything discernible about the card just the eyes to tell that it's different than just regular paper yeah it's you can see it's very it has like a lot of calligraphy like it's very very fancy paper it's fancy so yeah i was gonna say filigree but that's not right paper wouldn't have filigree like gold yeah like gold on it yeah like decorations on on

paper we don't know if the parchment she was carrying was the other it doesn't seem like the same kind of paper

okay what kind of letters should i write because we don't know who holds the other end of this i don't want to give away too much information.

Have we actually done a check to see if she actually is in fact dead?

Yeah, is there?

Yes.

We have?

Yeah, yeah.

Okay.

Worthwhile asking.

It's a good question.

What do you ask?

Because what have you gotten?

Does that...

Hi, I'm good.

How are you?

Yeah.

Who are you?

Hi, how are you?

Where are you at?

You well?

Can we remember what message we've gotten so far from the Cartes?

It was like, I'm amongst the

dead.

But that was the other one.

That was like the most recent one i think that we got which again that led us to like okay well perish is the land of the dead oh good do you have any notes in your little i mean

it said the mail on his bag said i'm amongst the dead now your little pocket pal oh carol he's awake

well i'm not carol didn't carol give you a potion that said you might need something after this fight to give to you one of your friends that's okay hold on she did say that i don't know this is barney but i mean you know this is chris right i know this is chris was that the thing that she put in that she didn't didn't tell you what it is?

I write it right away?

Yeah.

Gus.

Do you want to try using it on her?

The thing she put that you didn't notice was the silver pin that has the S around the sword.

Right, but she did give me a vial of something.

Yeah, a vial to.

Make a wisdom check for me, Chip.

Wisdom, not going to be good.

Here we go.

That's...

Eight.

Could I look at it?

Well, I'll tell you what.

I mean, you do remember.

Why don't you, you know, you, I assume you would pull out the bottle and look at it.

And it has a label.

And when you read the label, it reminds you of what Carol said.

It says, Hydean Cure.

Hydean.

Hyde and cure.

Does Elga know what Hydean means?

If I had to take a guess, Dr.

Jackson, Mr.

Hyde.

So.

Maybe we give this to Lewis.

I mean, I...

Do you think we give it to him?

Does it say anything?

On the nutritional information, does it say how many servings I've got here?

It says one serving, and it has 75% of your RDA of sodium.

Weird.

Oh, geez.

Oh, that's salty.

Electrolytes.

Yikes.

I mean, she did say one of our friends would need it.

Not her.

I feel like it's probably Lewis then.

Yeah, let's go give this to Lewis.

Because, I mean, it's a separate thing from.

But he's unconscious.

Maybe it'll help.

Yeah.

No, no, no, yeah.

Okay, I'm going to uncork it.

I'm going to lay Carol down.

This entire time I've been sitting with Carol, just like her head resting on my lap.

I'll hold her for you now, Chip.

Thank you, Elga.

I'm gonna walk over to Lewis and feed him the vial, hold up his head, and just kind of drip him.

That's the sound.

There you go, Micah.

You didn't need to do the sound, I did it.

Make it do a good, like, kind of pitch it down.

There you go.

Yeah, you pour the hydeing cure down Lewis's mouth, and you know, a lot of it dribbles out and kind of gets all over the place.

But enough of it must enter his body because Lewis begins transforming and shrinking back into a gray-haired Robert who then slowly wakes up.

Good morning.

Oh my god.

Micah's shaking his head.

You know what?

You're gonna have to listen to that when you edit this podcast.

Nate would have been so startled by that.

I think Mateeb would have just kicked in that direction because I think that would have just been like, that's an enemy of clearly.

That's a cursed sound.

Yeah, you know, Robert looks around and he has a very confused look on his face.

Robert, we're on the side of the mountains near Parish.

We found Carol.

She was a hag in disguise.

She's passed away.

Oh, I'm so sorry, Chip.

Do you think you can bring her back to life, Mr.

Alchemist?

I don't know.

I can certainly take a look.

Please do.

She had this poison belt, and Elgo was able to identify that this is from Vania.

Again, that's my i didn't do it just to a clarifying

crime you didn't do the alchemist you know gets to his feet and you know before he goes over to look at it he puts his hand on your shoulder chip you know you can take solace in knowing that since girl's soul is connected to the fairwild

her soul will return to that plane in peace it also means that within the day her body will fade from this plane.

Oh, so we didn't have to bury it.

That's pretty metal.

Yeah.

I just don't say anything back.

I just let him just, you know, I don't know that Chip buys into a lot of

the spiritual stuff.

Sure.

I just know he's just trying to make me feel better, but like it's all kind of bouncing off.

Yeah.

He removes his hand from Chip's shoulder and, you know, very slowly makes his way over.

Just, it seems like maybe he's a, you know, he's got a sore hip, sore back.

Slowly makes his way over and starts taking a look at the belt.

Certainly a venom, possibly vampiric in nature.

A very curious device.

I've never seen anything like this before.

Well, we figured that it might have been remote controlled.

Do you know who would want to do something like this?

Also, do you see any correlation between this and Eddie?

Because it kind of looks, you know, based on the green veins.

It is definitely reminiscent of Eddie.

I have to agree.

So, what's the play, Doc?

I don't know what would we do?

Well, I think the first step is that we need to take care of Carol.

Are you aware of any of her wishes?

Is there any way you would like to remember her, or something you would like to do to mark this place or occasion?

Consider that.

Well, she did want us to go complete her mission by finding sheath.

Yeah.

Yeah, she did do that.

I want to mark this ground, though.

Her body's going to fade.

Yeah, I feel like that'd be something that Chip might want to handle separately.

Just kind of walk off and

yeah, I think we depart.

The alchemist is more trying to make sure you think about about it.

He's making sure you have time to think about it and process it, as opposed to like, hey, do this right now.

He just wants to make sure, you know, dealing with

the

right before we leave.

Understood.

What about anybody else?

Would anybody like to do anything?

I

well, one,

I do.

I don't have it prepared, but I have a spell called Ceremony.

I just don't know in the context of this world.

It's going to fade, though.

Yeah, I know.

I'm just, I would offer that to uh, what does it do?

I mean, I like, like, you know, I guess, uh, well, shoot me straight, Robert.

Like, is there anything that can be done?

Because it doesn't seem like that's in the cards.

No,

the call of the Fey Wild is very strong, and it cannot be easily overcome.

I don't think there can be anything that can be done to stop that,

at least not from this plane.

You know, Chip, I just want to say there's a lot of crazy things that happen in this world.

You know, Matid is dead, but with us.

So who knows what could happen to Carol?

You know, maybe she'd come back in different ways.

Yeah, you're right, Ilga.

Maybe you don't want me to do a funeral, right?

You touch one corpse, and for the next seven days, the target can't become undead.

I'll kill you.

No, but I that's like, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, it prevents it from

someone like necromancy, bad necromancy, take turning someone up from dead.

Yeah, I mean, if her body's gonna fade, go to the Fae Wild, then I don't know if that's a risk or something.

I don't know.

I just like, we've already done enough poking and prodding and like sucking of blood, like blood venom that

I think Chip just kind of wants to like let his wife rest.

I think Mate would like to do something.

Okay, what's that?

I think Mateed, now I'm not gonna do it because I can't make this kind of a sound, but Mate would do like a little song, like a little bird song.

Oh.

Something very melancholy and haunting, as a ghostly bird could do.

That sounds pretty cool.

Yes.

And so that would be, I think, the closest thing Mate could do to think of like helping the situation.

Hey, Sticky Dragon, your favorite Bortalian private here to talk to you about your most important mission yet, your finances.

That's right, we've all had those headaches you get while trying to make progress with your finances, whether it's overdraft fees, missed paybits, or wishing you had more ways to save.

Today's sponsor, Chive, understands that every dollar counts.

When you set up direct deposit through Chive, you get access to fee-free features like free overdraft coverage, getting getting paid up to two days early with direct deposit, and more.

Learn more at chime.com slash dragon.

Chime is banking done right.

You can open a checking account with no monthly fees and no maintenance fees, and with qualifying direct deposits, you're eligible for free overdraft up to $200 on debit card purchases and cash withdrawals.

To date, QIIME has spotted members over $30 billion.

That's right, $30 billion with a B.

And look, I wish I had started using Chime sooner.

Chime has tools for daily balance updates and real-time transaction alerts to help you shape your spending habits and get on top of your financial goals.

Plus, the convenience of having access to 47,000 fee-free ATMs nationwide and 24-7 customer support really comes in handy.

Work on your financial goals through Chime Today.

Open an account in two minutes at chime.com/slash dragon.

That's chime.com slash dragon.

Chime feels like progress.

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank.

Banking services and debit card provided by the Bankcore Bank NA or Stripe Bank NA.

Members of the IC.

Spot and eligibility requirements and overdraft limits apply.

Timing depends on submission of payment file.

Fees apply at out-of-network ATMs, bank ranking, and number of ATMs, according to US News and World Report 2023.

Chime, checking account required.

Nice.

I like that.

I like that a lot.

Yeah.

I would offer you an inspiration to IB.

I know.

You have one already.

Slow rhythm.

I mean, are we...

Before we start dealing with the, you know, Carol's body and what we need to do with that, is there anything else that we need to investigate with the alchemist present?

And, like, what do we have to do?

Like, what is our next steps?

I feel like Vania.

I I think we need to add to Vania now.

Could Barney look at the belt, see if he recognizes anything?

Because he's pretty old.

That's true.

Make a wisdom check.

17.

You have seen the sigil, you think, but you don't remember when.

I've seen this,

but you don't remember when.

It's hard.

You hear the distant sound of a bird, and before long, you see a hideous bird with golden-brown feathers, grayish batwings, and a yellow-green lizard-like tail swoop down from the sky.

The cockatree swiftly dives for Chip.

Chip, make an animal handling check.

Take away from him!

That is Skipper, it's okay.

That was not the time.

He's just coming to see his mama.

15.

Yeah, you are correct.

It is Skipper.

That's your pet?

Diving down?

Yeah.

I forgot.

I thought his pet was just a bird.

That's a cockatree.

Yeah, it's cockatrice.

I know.

I thought that was just a fancy word for like a cockatrice.

Like a cockatoo.

How problematic would that be if I had my close friends, I was caging one of your brethren?

I mean, Eric Cochranes are different than birds that are that are in the wild.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But so I

thought this was like attacking Chip.

No, no, no.

Shout out to Roll Go.

I had a bad day.

It's like an amalgamation of creatures.

Hey, I get it now.

But yeah.

So yeah, Skipper dives down from the sky and lands safely and very deftly on Chip's soldier.

Soldier.

Shoulder.

Skipper's strongest shoulder.

Skipper nuzzles his beak against your face, and you notice he has four rolled-up pieces of paper tied to his legs.

Whoa, a newspaper, a note, and two letters.

Okay, let's craft him open.

You haven't checked our mail in the wild, Chips.

Yeah, it's been a little busy looking for her.

A couple episodes ago, didn't you ask your neighbor to get your mail and check on

Skirin?

Yeah, Sharon.

Yeah!

So you pull down all the papers?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll send it to you so you can read it.

Oh, yeah.

Maita, I have the crossword in the paper.

I want to look at the comic.

Vultures.

Bonnie, do you want the obituaries?

No.

I think that's a little

thing considering I didn't

open.

Okay.

I just feel like that's an old person thing where they just open up the obituaries and just see, oh, Frank died.

Oh, look, Carol.

They're prompt.

I feel like Chip has been handling all this stuff pretty privately, but if this is information that's going to help us solve the case, he feels like he's amongst friends who he's going to share this with the rest of the group.

So he'll read this out: Dear Chip, if you are receiving this letter, then something has happened to me.

No doubt you've learned the truth about me.

It's true, sweetheart.

I'm a hag.

Like so many before me, I never knew my family.

I was taken at a young age by hags.

I was consumed by them and rebirthed as a hagling.

However, the hags saw a potential in me, so I was groomed and trained like a witchy assassin from a young age.

Thus, a new coven was born.

Talon.

As you know, during my tenure at Talon, I had a knack for clandestine work and crossed out many targets.

But once I met you, I put my killing days behind me.

I changed my identity, procured a concoction from an infamous alchemist to change my appearance, and ran away with you.

I thought that I succeeded.

We lived years in utter bliss, but I was wrong.

Not long ago, I was found.

Not by Talon, but by a man representing a different organization.

Sheath.

Society of Hidden Espionage Agents for Tactical Harmony.

He warned me that Talon was hot on my trail and that I should let them find me.

He wanted me to return to Talon to act as a double agent on their behalf so I could feed Sheath Intel.

But if you're reading this, it means that I need you to pick up where I left off.

Sheath has been conducting a top-secret mission of the utmost importance for weeks now.

Unfortunately, for security purposes, I cannot provide the details in this letter.

But I've given you everything you'll need to find my handler.

If anyone can find a target, it's Chip Haney.

You have always been and will always be the best part of my life.

Oh, I love you, sweetheart.

Your wife and partner in crime, Carol Kino Haney.

Keno?

Kino, I forgot.

I'm sorry.

That was a beautiful letter, and I just was reminded of Carol's beautiful middle name.

I thought his last name.

That's a hyphenated last name.

Oh, yeah, hyphenated.

Yeah, yeah, thank you.

Skipper also had, you know, like I mentioned, Skipper also had that was the letter.

Some other papers, right?

And so there's two notes in a newspaper.

There's also a letter to Elga.

Oh, Elga, this one's addressed to you.

Look at that.

That doesn't make any sense.

Okay, well, let me take a look.

Hold on, let me unravel this paper.

Um, they're Elga.

That's me.

Good start.

It's been over a week since

I worry for your safety, my child.

Please take care and come home as soon as possible.

Your father, Count von Brath.

P.S.

Remember to drink plenty of fluids.

Don't forget to sharpen your axe every night.

Oh, just like my daddy would tell me every night.

Has it only been a little few weeks that we've been gone?

It hasn't been very long at all.

Yeah, it's been action-packed.

How would Elga's father have gotten a letter to Skipper?

That's a good question.

What else?

You're gonna have to ask him when you see him.

Okay.

Does my dad know your wife?

Dude, I am so lost.

I have questions for the alchemist, but I want to continue reading all this stuff.

Skipper also had a newspaper.

Yeah.

And there's a note pinned to the newspaper.

It's a small note signed by Inspector Weezer.

Okay.

It says...

Too cold.

No luck finding Eddie or infiltrating the ram spire.

Urgent business has come up in Faluk.

Please continue the investigation into Eddie and Vamia.

I've provided an advance of your stipend, 10 gold pieces to each of you, and a current newspaper from the Atro Tribune.

Good detectives keep their eyes and ears open.

Keep up the good work, Inspector Carweezer.

Is that like a play on that they are coughs and we're cold?

Did we make that dumb joke when we got deputized?

That sounds like something dumb we would do.

It does sound like something dumb.

That sounds like our flavor of idiocy.

You all were deputized as the city official lawful detectives.

Did we come over that or did my dumb brother come up with that?

That was not us.

He's sitting right here.

Classic dumb brother.

Ain't the first time I've called him dumb.

Ain't gonna be the last time.

Oh my god.

We're gonna have words after this.

Not just because of the cold thing, but because he killed my wife.

What was the L again?

Lawful, lawful.

Lawful detectives.

This will be the last time you have to tell us because Barbara, write it down.

All right, so then in what's on the newspaper?

You said it was like from Atro City?

Yeah, it's the Atro Tribune.

It's filled with news articles about the goings-on and grotesque.

Could we read it?

Yeah.

Headline: Atrocities in Atro City.

I get this.

There's civil unrest in the city.

Many believe the Abrillions are to blame for the Wolfman's death.

Curfew has been put in place for the safety of all citizens.

Curfew?

Does it say how early could their curfew is?

It says sunset.

Well, we know the Abrillions didn't do it.

Is it a curfew being enforced by a few coughs?

Curfew, a few coughs.

Oh, got you.

Oh, so I got him get it.

There's something I'm missing.

Curfew.

So,

read more on page six.

Elga turns to page six.

There is no page six.

Okay,

I think that this has something to do with Ma and Pa, because I feel like the Area of 15, the Abralians were always kind of pitted against everyone else for being so different.

Yeah.

And a lot of it had to do with, I think, their beliefs and how counter they were to the rest of the land.

So someone has skin in this game, and they're trying to pit everyone against the Abralians.

Or no skin.

Yeah, they are floating brains.

I think Eddie has no skin.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's clever.

Did Eddie have anything against the Abralians?

Eddie had something against

Eddie had something against the

Maw?

Is that the thing that brought everything together?

Yes, the Maw and the Paw, depending on what you believe.

Yeah, sure, sure, sure.

And Eddie was against Maw?

Eddie kept questioning other monsters about the officials, about the Ma.

Something happened he did not like about that.

Do we know what base, like, type Eddie is?

You know?

What do you mean?

Tiefling, human.

Like, race, race, race.

Oh, gosh.

Uh, no, you're not sure.

He looks so

unusual.

Right, yeah, you can't, you can't place him.

I didn't hear veins, I heard bangs.

He went for a breakup.

There was two letters, a newspaper clipping, and a note.

Yeah, lightning strikes twice.

Okay, in a bizarre turn of events, famous scientists Dr.

Frank and Stein Victor were evidently struck by lightning again.

The two have fallen into a comatose state with no sign of waking up.

Frankenstein's right and left-hand man, Uyghur, has temporarily stepped into leadership of vacuum to carry the town through unforeseen tragedy.

In other news, taxes have soared in Mosquetin.

Man, taxes have soared in Mosquetin?

Mm-hmm.

It's keep coming.

Why?

Maybe because

Wegor stepped into the leadership.

Oh, yeah, because we go.

Remember, he tried to give us a Volts tax.

Is Mosketin where Uyghur's at?

Right.

Okay, sorry.

My brain is...

Yeah, it's the Volts tax.

That's the.

Nice.

The Volts tax.

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, you get one.

Give yourself an inspiration by it.

I'm alive kind of thing, where that started.

Right, exactly.

And okay, sorry, my brain translated that to Carcassouk.

I was trying to figure out, like, if you were moving into Carcassouk, like, why they had taxes.

Okay, it seems like stuff's going on everywhere.

Is there any other information?

We're weather.

Okay.

Take extra care as a double full moon will illuminate the skies tonight.

Oh, okay.

What else we got?

Why was that interesting?

Well, I don't know.

We probably haven't experienced that before because it's only been a week, just over a week since this all began, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Is there any good news?

No, that's about it.

It seems like it's just the front page that was sent along and, you know, the further pages aren't there, which is why when Elga looked for page six, it wasn't.

What's the weather going to be like today?

Mostly clear skies.

Oh, that's nice.

Yeah.

Is there any other thing we haven't read yet?

Because we had the two notes, the newspaper, and wasn't there one other thing?

Mostly clear skies was a chance of revenge.

It was the note from Weezer.

The note from Weezer.

Okay.

And what did the note from Weezer?

Could you read that one?

Too cold.

No luck finding Eddie or infiltrating the vampspire.

Urgent business has come up in Falok.

Please continue the investigation into Eddie and Vania.

What do we know about Vam Spire?

Was he invest why was he investing in the Vam Spire?

I don't know if he told you.

I think he was saying that we were going to divide and conquer.

He was heading to...

We were all collectively heading to Vania.

Vania.

He continued on when we had to go chase

Stinker.

Dude, correct.

I know.

Good memory.

It's a good job.

You can have inspiration.

He's so engaged with the story.

Elga, you know.

Rich storytelling.

You know, the Vamp Spire is where you're from.

Vamp Spire?

Vam Spire.

Spire isn't like the castle spire.

Do I remember where I'm from?

This is about Elga right now, Bernie.

Elga time.

I'm going to say no, that we've had little flashes, but nothing definitive that you've identified yet.

And he said he was going to go...

He's giving up on Vania, but he's going to another land.

Faunalock.

What do we know about Faunalock?

Make a wisdom check.

I'm going to do one too, because I want to know.

Please.

That was my question I was going to ask.

15.

That's an 8.

Oh, that's a...

So 23.

Normally, Mati does good wisdom checks.

I did.

I rolled a wisdom check about five minutes ago for something else we didn't use, and I rolled a 19.

Head Nat 20 for 25.

There we go.

Oh.

All right, getting some good ones in there.

You know that Faunalock is near the center of Groteth, and it's near a body of water, and that it's filled with people

who are very religious.

This the Nessie, the Loch Ness monsters, one of the people's in charge of this place.

You know, I would have thought that, like, Vania would have been, like, the final boss fight plays.

I didn't think.

I feel like after Vania, we're going to go to Faunalok.

What are you talking about, final boss?

No, no, no, sorry.

Do you think this is a game or something?

Quick question.

My wife just died.

What's wrong with you?

I know.

You should be in mind, right?

Handboarding.

I'm upset.

I think you're in shock.

Do you need a proper?

Do you need to need a moment?

Okay, well, we know

resetting.

Meta.

We kind of know that we need to go to Vania, obviously.

And the Weezer basically confirmed it.

Lewis slash Robert is awake.

I have questions for him, but I'm going to do it away from Carol.

I think in the meantime, like, maybe Chip is going to go take care of Carol and then we can all depart.

Let's do that.

Yeah.

Okay.

Chip picks up Carol's body, takes her to far away from the rest of the group, finds the prettiest tree he can, rests her under that, sits with her a while.

Not much words are spoken.

He just takes a moment and then

makes sure she looks comfortable.

And then he leaves.

As you stand to leave, a small ball of light emerges from Carol's chest and her body slowly dissolves into sparkling green dust.

And after a moment, the ball of light fades away from view.

Alright, well, Chip enjoys that moment, kind of takes in the scenery, takes a couple of deep breaths, and continues to do his group.

Okay, guys, now nobody say anything in a loud voice to ruin the moment with Chip, okay?

I know some of you are tempted to do this at some point, but none of you do it, okay?

I have a genuine question.

Did Carol have something like the blurbable blade?

Like the arm blade of blurbling?

Yeah, blurbling.

No, she had a dagger, but that was it.

I had already searched her and kind of got everything.

So you've got the dagger?

She had a dagger when you saw her in Talon headquarters.

That dagger was not on her body when you searched it after she came out of Hemogo.

I don't suspect I'm gonna get any loot off of Carol.

No, no, no.

I was actually, I had, I had different intentions, but this is interesting that the dagger's not there.

So, Chip walks back quietly to the group, pulls out his arm blade, and holds it up to Robert's neck and says, Why didn't you tell me about this?

You had been working with her, you gave her a disguise, you didn't tell me about any of this.

Well, you know, it's basic confidentiality.

I'm not allowed to.

That's my wife, but she didn't fill out the hip before.

but like genuinely, like, like Chip is like, you knew so much that you could have told me, and you're and I find out in a posthumous letter.

Carol probably kept him to secrecy, and he was he was following her wishes.

Probably for your own safety, Chip.

I understand your anger.

I'm with Chip.

I apologize.

I did nothing out of ill will or had any intention to mislead you.

But her decision to do what she would with the information was hers, not mine.

If you have any other information, now would be the time to share it.

I am not messing around, Robert.

I have no knowledge of this device that was attached to her waist.

I think our next step is to investigate this.

You didn't know it was on it.

No, I had nothing to do with this device.

And you've never seen anything like it?

No.

Do you recognize the sigil?

Well, the sigil was from Vania.

Seems we're all needed in Vania.

And if I'm not mistaken, we'll find ourselves on Mount Ignis.

The village of Vania is at the top of this ridge, but it'll take several hours to reach the summit.

So, are we camping here for the night, or are we pressing on?

I'm still recovering, so I'll follow your lead.

We had a long rest not too long ago, but sorry, we're doing okay.

I wouldn't mind a long rest, so I could get a certain ability back.

Yeah, okay.

Oh, that's right, that's right.

We pushed a lot of buttons in the last episode to try out new abilities.

Oh, right.

Chip is going to holster the armblade, let Robert go.

He's just going to step away and say, let's just take a long rest.

May I make a suggestion?

Go ahead, Barney.

Let me make a hut.

A tiny one.

Wait, now wait, wait, wait, now, wait.

Smiling as he said that.

Let me read the tiny hut.

A 10-foot radius, immobile dome of force springs in existence around and above you and remain stationary for the duration.

The spell ends if you leave the area.

Nine creatures, creatures of medium size or smaller, can fit inside the dome with you.

The spell fails if its area includes a larger creature more than nine.

Creatures and objects within the dome when you cast a spell can move through it easily.

All other creatures and objects are barred from passing through it.

Spells and other magical effects can't extend through the dome and be cast through it.

Damn it's sphere inside the dome is comfortable and dry regardless of the weather.

So it is genuinely a spell to cast for a secure place to spend the night.

Or to catch yourself if you're falling from the sky.

No, it is not.

I said what it is meant for is what I said.

Tiny dome.

Okay.

That sounds cool.

Let's take a long rest in that.

I'm going to make a tiny hut.

Thank you, Barney.

It's like a one-minute casting time?

I could do it as a ritual also, but yeah, it's one minute.

I also imagine since combat, it's not.

Yeah.

Yeah, I was just curious.

Like, it wasn't like an hour.

I knew it was like normal, then a...

It wasn't just an action.

Like, it did take a while.

It's one minute.

But yeah, but if it's a ritual, it's 10 minutes, I think, right?

Yeah, but, I mean, we're not.

I can just cast it because then I'll get my spell spawns back.

Okay.

yeah so uh you all decide to cap for the night we do now do all you need to sleep or who sleeps who doesn't sleep i don't sleep i think regardless chip is just gonna he doesn't need to take a long rest he's going to he went through a lot to i'm gonna take a long rest barney yeah i'll take a i'm gonna take a long rest and then uh let barney will let stinkers come hang out with him Did you cuddle stinker?

Not cuddle.

Oh, that's cute.

Why don't you make a love cuddle?

It's not cuddling.

Look, he's whiny.

He wants a cuddle.

It's just not shooing him away or anything.

Let him onto the cot.

Let him onto the cot.

That's a big sign of affection from a grumpy old man like Barney.

Yeah, that's true.

I can relate.

So, y'all take your long rest.

During that time, I teach Gigi about all the different kinds of flowers.

Ooh.

What kinds?

Like how?

There's wheat flour.

Oh, I thought you meant.

Oh, I thought you meant flower and

another type of flower wizard.

Fleur.

Not fleur, flower.

Fleur.

Fleur.

What about oval nuts?

There's oval nut flower.

I had oval nuts in my inventory.

We should eat some.

So you all take your long rest, and you know, as you're relaxing, Barney, where are you?

You don't recognize this place.

What?

You like, see a city of shadows with a tall black spire in the center.

You spot two adult humanoids talking to each other.

Maybe they know where you are?

Hello?

Can I go approach them?

Yeah.

You want to approach and try to talk to them?

Yeah.

Hi, uh, I'm Barney.

I um I seem to

lost myself.

Where's this?

Make um.

Let's call it a.

Just make a charisma check.

Oh, not so great.

That's a six.

Six.

That's that's about that's about par for Barney.

It seems like the two people are entirely preoccupied and they don't pay you any mind.

It's almost like they can't hear you.

Hello!

Okay, what do they look like?

Now that I'm closer, it's hard to pick up.

The female's back is to you.

All you can see is her black black hair.

But the male has a fanciful face with pale skin and blonde, curly hair.

He's wearing a tailored black suit with a matching hat and sporting a fancy red necktie.

Do you have your yarn?

Your yarn.

How do I remember your lore better than you do?

Where I just wander up to people and talk to them while pulling yarn.

Well, that's whenever I'm

just to pass the time.

Okay.

Trying to figure out where I am.

Okay.

Excuse me.

That's rude to ignore people.

Can I like

It's a total boomer move.

Just like.

Shut up.

I am inserting myself into this, and I'm mad that you're not including it in.

I'm the protagonist.

It just seemed like an old man thing to do.

Yeah, you're doing good.

You're doing good.

The two people, you know, it's one male, the other female.

It appears like they're arguing, they're in a heated debate, but it's hard to make out their words.

It's like they're muffled.

It's not the hour,

it's not hours.

Why don't you roll me uh a history check with advantage, Barney?

She-teeth.

You sure you don't want double advantage?

Because that's a five and a six, Cuss.

I'm sorry.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I know you're trying to deliver information.

You gave me advantage.

I have an inspiration dice.

I can use it.

You want me to use my inspiration?

I'll get it back to you.

All of a sudden, Chip appears here and rolls your Christmas checks for you.

I'll do it.

That sounded like a threat.

Yeah, it is.

Acknowledge me.

I feel like you wanted me to.

It might be like a perception check that Chip was doing that he had to do his lucky a few times.

Get a good one.

You could find out that, you know, any number of things.

Here it is.

This is your landlord, perhaps.

18.

Worth it.

You think you've met this person before, but it seems like a lifetime ago.

The man or the woman?

The man?

The man.

You can't see the female space.

Do I, how are my feelings towards them?

You know, you can, you, you might have, not remember them, but you have

an emotional aspect.

Yeah, you try to think about your feelings to them, but then everything goes dark.

Oh.

And you said the guy had blonde hair in a suit?

Pale.

Yeah, a tailored black suit.

That's it, Barney.

That's the end.

R.I.P.

Barney died?

Guys, guys, Barney won't wake up.

Oh, God.

I feel like that's what it is.

Old man asleep.

And

that's it.

Scary.

And it was in front of a big tower,

spire.

Tower.

I found it.

What's the word?

Spire.

Yeah, tall black spire.

I feel like we're going to one of those.

Yeah.

That's like the way you did that was like going down the books and you missed all the books, and then you got to the right one, but kept going.

Tire, fire, tire, wire.

Yeah, like you got there and then just kept going.

And it's the wrong hour is what I thought they said.

It's not the hour.

Or it's not hours.

You couldn't tell what they were saying.

And so Gus said that's what it sounded like or it seemed like yeah question you said that elgo was from vampspire vampspire yeah that's in vania correct can we define that so is vania a like a county or a a state and vampires van so vania is the village vania's the village correct and vampspire is within vania like as a like it's a building a neighborhood a development yeah it's like a building okay was that a memory or was that a premonition i don't know i don't think he's gonna get much figure that out chip you feel soft blades of freshly mown grass beneath your toes.

Stabs.

This is my dream, huh?

Yeah, okay.

You look up and see Skipper flying back to you so soon.

Silly bird, he's still learning.

He descends slowly onto your shoulder and nuzzles his beak against your face.

He's still carrying the note tied to his leg.

Okay, well, let's take a look at that note.

Oh, it's your own handwriting, Chip.

It's a simple poem meant for Carol that reads.

Oh, you're gonna make me write the note right here yeah sure why

poem yeah it's just a simple it's a short poem just like something that you know chip came up with and scribbled it down just for training purposes to get you know skipper to to carry stuff right right but i do want an iambic pentameter what is that

it shakes beer in that iambic pentameter oh i thought you said it shakes beer

yeah which is why i was confused context clues

You are not the person that context clues from.

I know.

You are the antithesis of context clues.

Okay, this is like a bit of a snarky one because

the sky is blue and I am violet.

I'll see you in our bedroom in private.

It's like it's like a little CG.

That was for Carol or it's not for you, Barney.

No, no, no, no.

Sorry.

Yeah, yeah.

He's kind of like, hey,

yeah.

After you read it, you know, you look back at Skipper and Skipper seems distracted.

His head is turned back toward the house, almost like he hears something that you don't.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Yeah.

Stealthfully.

Stealthfully.

Yeah.

So you like

sneak up to like the window or you sneak back inside.

Like, what do you mean?

So at this point, we've both given up.

We're together.

So like, I don't know.

I still have this like assassin instinct.

So I'm going to just kind of like quietly approach.

Not like full-blown, like, lurking, but just like, you know, soft footsteps and hindranquers.

corners yeah why don't you uh make a stealth check okay wow back when carol was live how fun

wish i could get more of that in this show

i have advantage you're having it right now i have advantage on stealth that's a 13 and a 13.

my my rules are always the same i mean you had a good one for when it mattered that's true you sneak up to a window and you know try to like peer in and see what you can see and you know what you can hear and you see that Carol is talking in hushed tones to someone else inside the house it's hard to make out what they are saying though and you notice the man hands Carol something small but it definitely flashed in the light as if shiny is it the pin from sheath it could be it seems like it's a very similar similar size what does the man look like it's hard to see him the curtain the drapes are blocking him a bit you know you only get little bits and pieces of his look okay but you do notice that carol is not meeting his gaze she's looking down at her feet and the other person does have their back to you, but it does seem like they're large in a blue coat with a high collar.

I feel like as soon as I make a move to go into the

house, my dream is going to go out there.

I'm going to go.

I'm going to go in and investigate.

She seems troubled.

I don't think that she's doing anything wrong, but I feel like this guy's making her feel like something is wrong.

How do you, what do you mean you, and you go in?

Like, how do you, how do you want to approach it?

How many open windows in the house?

Do I do anything?

That's what he's looking at, right?

Yeah, you're looking in one of the windows right now.

Is it open?

Yeah, I'll crack it open.

Hey guys, how's it going?

Carol looks at you rather shocked.

Whoa, goodness.

I thought that you were waiting outside.

Just checking if you're doing okay, honey bunny.

Oh, yes,

everything's fine.

I can perceive she's lying.

You make an insight check.

Oh, 18.

You get the feeling that she's nervous.

Hmm.

Hey, big fella, can I get you anything to drink?

He starts to turn around to address you and everything goes dark.

Okay.

Is that large wearing a blue coat with a high collar?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Alchemist got a coat.

Alchemist got a gray coat.

It's a gray gray suit.

Correct.

Gray suit.

Oh, there's no way that I can.

Sure, snap like an orange suit.

Orange?

What?

You think like dumb and dumber?

Did I see a head or anything like that?

The collar was very high, so it was hard to make out, but you did see a little bit of like the top of a head.

And when you say large, is that D and D large or just like big, tall guy?

Large man, a large person, so still like a medium-sized

humanoid, but large for that.

I'm not trying to milk details out of this, but I do think it would be in character for Chip to really take in a lot of what this guy looks like, like down to like shoe size, specific height, hair color.

Do I get any of that stuff?

Because Guys is like, that's not how dreams work, man.

It's all weird.

You see, like very full, thick, dark hair.

Very full, full, thick, dark hair.

Black hair.

Okay.

And feet, say, size, uh, it's a large person, big shoes, uh, size 14.

Oh, Eddie's bald, right?

Yes.

Okay.

Okay.

Matey.

There's a crack.

Thunder roars overhead.

Your feathers are soaked from the incessant storm.

But this is what you signed up for.

The mission comes first.

You peer down from your rooftop perch to see if the coast is clear before you try to sneak in through the window.

Go and roll me a perception check.

Are you, are you a spy?

Are you like are we like each other?

Are you like me for real for real?

17.

You see a brownie man around the corner and stop just below you right outside the window.

They look huge like they can handle themselves, but you notice an itch in their step.

I go for the leg.

Ooh.

Go ahead and make um hmm.

We'll call it like an unarmed strike.

16.

Yeah, that connects.

Go ahead and roll damage.

6.

You hit the large person.

You said you went for the legs, right?

Yeah.

Yeah, and it kind of knocks him off balance.

He's big, so he doesn't totally fall down, but he definitely, like, you know, when your knee kind of goes out and you like stumble a little bit.

I do another attack.

Oh, okay.

If he's gone down, I go for the head.

Okay.

Dead leg.

I'm David Fincher Sherlocking.

This is what I'm doing.

Did David Fincher do Sherlock?

Yeah.

He did?

Wow.

Sorry, Guy Richie.

Guy Richie.

Okay, there you go.

I was like,

Guy Richie.

23.

Oh, that hits.

That one only did five.

Okay.

The large person gets hit in the head and, you know, covers their face a little bit at the

site of impact and begins yelling out in a rather barbaric voice, Bat, Bird, Bat, Bird,

and tries to grapple you.

I want to do ethereal phase.

Ooh, what does that do?

It makes me intangible.

Are they a ghost at this point?

Oh, can I?

That's a good question.

That's actually a very good question.

This could be from life.

You attempt to, you know, ethereal phase, but the person, this large man, still puts their hands right on you.

Oh.

It's not, they're, you know, they're, I rolled poorly, so from a metagame perspective.

So they try to grapple you, but they're unable to firmly get a hand on you.

Are we indoors?

No, you're outside.

Raining.

You're raining on your way and you're out by a window.

This is your John Wick moment.

And it's night?

Yes.

Could I grapple them and fly up?

Yeah, sure.

Go ahead and make a

grapple check, and I'm going to oppose it.

I didn't make you oppose it because I rolled a six.

Did we get a physical description of this person?

Large.

Just large.

Yeah, it's dark.

It's hard to see.

Hey, it's me, Dream Chip.

Does he have dark hair and a blue coat?

I did.

That's a 10.

So I'm going to re-roll that and get a 23.

That was a huge person, though.

Yes, it is.

12.

Yeah, you did better than me.

You know, you grab onto the person and you said you were going to start flying up?

Yes.

As you, you know, grapple them and begin flying up, you hear a loud crash, and a body is thrust through the window and lands with a thud on the wet pavement.

He strains to breathe as he looks up at you.

His body is emaciated and skin tight.

Something small and silver flashes in his hand.

Maybe a pin?

He's not

what he seems.

This is

his

world.

Crunch.

A sharp pain sears from your neck down through your body.

Your veins throb a sickly green color and you feel your life force being drained from your body.

The world around you goes fuzzy and the last thing you see are two fangs dripping above a blood-red necktie.

Oh, whoa!

We just witnessed Mateed's death.

Go ahead and make a perception check, Mateed.

This was a separate per- I was grappling somebody and a separate person came through.

Oh, interesting.

The two fangs were dripping something about the necktie?

Dripping above a blood-red necktie.

Blood-red necktie.

24 on perception check.

Without a doubt, you're immersed in a warm liquid and you've been here before.

You're even able to make out other figures floating in the same fluid with you.

Many of them seem similar.

A shadow eclipses you from above.

You see watery silhouettes walking around just beyond the surface.

They look like people.

One of them stops and seems to look down at you.

Wait, can you see me?

Oh, the person says that?

Yeah.

Is this your tomb?

Oh man, I don't even know what it would do.

Where am I?

You try to speak, but it comes out as gurgles.

I'm sorry, I can't understand you, but don't worry, it's almost time.

And with that, everything goes white.

Blurbal gurbles?

That's when Mate went to hell.

And they could not end on me, so they sent me back.

Oh.

We're in the bad place.

Elga, what's that sound?

You tell me.

It's like a whimpering beast.

The door's slightly ajar, and you can peek inside.

I peek inside.

Roll up perception check with advantage.

I ignore it.

With advantage?

Yeah.

18.

Did you scoff at an 18?

No, because my second roll was a 1.

Uh oh, oh.

So I'm glad I got the 18.

The wind rattles the window panes.

The room's almost enveloped in shadows.

The whimpering seems to be coming from the corner.

Amongst cascading shadows across the room, you spot a moonlit petite bed in the corner and hear whimpering coming from beneath the blanket.

And you manage to get a closer look and see a young girl with dark features and jet black hair.

It's your sister, Evaina.

She must be dreaming.

Uh, okay.

Could I tell if this is a memory or if it's like current events?

Like, does this seem familiar to Elga?

Or a vision of the future.

Why don't you pinch yourself?

I pinch myself.

Ow!

You take one point of damage.

And I'm phrased.

Roll your...

Do you have a top?

A little...

Oh, my inception.

Two piercing blue eyes bolt open and stare straight at you.

With lightning speed, the little figure lunges from the bed in the corner onto the ceiling and quickly crawls along it like a spider heading straight for you.

Ugh.

And this is not my sister.

This was the person you saw as your sister.

But you said that she had dark features and jet black hair and then some two blue eyes open.

Yeah, two piercing blue eyes bolt open and stare straight at you.

It's her eyes.

Yes.

Okay, and she jumps onto the ceiling.

Like Exorcist girl on the ceiling.

Um,

this doesn't seem like it's really happening.

I don't know if I've ever seen you do this, Ivina.

Maybe you should come down from there.

Make a persuasion check.

14.

Rather than her coming down, suddenly the room spins around and you feel yourself fall upwards onto the ceiling.

Okay, this is fun!

Make a dexterity saving throw.

Thank gosh.

Ooh, six.

The change in orientation is too much for you, so you fall prone onto the ceiling, and you take two points of bludgeoning damage.

I'm in a long rest right now.

What's happening?

I'm gonna wake up with less hit points than I started with.

The little girl lunges at you with her her mouth wide open as if ready to chomp.

Whoa.

But it makes no sense.

She's not a vampire.

And with a chomp, you feel her teeth sink into your arm and your mind begins to spin much like the room.

See you soon, teaster.

Everything goes black, and you suddenly wake up lying on the ground amongst your party members once more.

Hey, Barney, we're never staying in this hut again.

That was the worst night of sleep I've ever gotten.

Is this haunted?

Ow!

You feel a shooting pain in your arm and your head, and you look down and see two fresh teeth marks in your arm.

Whoa.

Okay, so did anyone else have very weird dreams that are not really dreamed?

Because I woke up with something very physical, something that I dreamed about.

In fact, you feel like a little bit of life has drained from your body.

Your total hit point maximum drops by five hit points.

What?

The maximum.

Yeah.

Is that permanent?

For now.

Okay.

If you guys could stop like goofing about, just let us have a happy day.

Can we go to like a, you know, hex flags or something?

What's the growth death version of a happy place?

I like the day that I die I had recently where I got a new kitty.

That was a nice day.

That was a nice day.

That was a nice day.

I think yeah, no, no one died that day.

Yeah, yeah.

Everyone in my dream was so rude.

There was this there was this dark-haired woman and then this man with a tailored black suit and a red tie and blonde-haired.

He just completely ignored me.

Big man, big blue jacket, black, dark hair.

Talking to my wife.

I don't know whether he's giving her a pin.

My sister bit me.

Mate?

I think I had a dream of how I died.

Oh, that's way bigger than any of our dreams I think.

That's kind of a big deal.

How were that,

Mate?

I think I might have been poisoned the same way as Carol.

I did not do it!

No,

there was that figure as well in my dream.

He had a

red necktie.

Was he also ignoring you, rudely?

No, actually,

his attention was quite on me, quite a lot.

Robert, did you have any stupid dreams?

If Robert's dead, I'm okay with that.

Blaine's track record of hating all of our NPCs keeps going.

Specifically the ones that Blizz voices.

Well, no,

Ben voices another one.

Yeah, it's true.

Robert's still asleep.

Yeah, how is he doing?

No, he's restful.

Oh, no, he's Robert.

He's Robert.

Is it a restful sleep?

It's like a dog, you know, kicking their leg.

Oh, that's nice.

I don't know if you're going to let me do it.

Can I put some more of that purple liquid on them?

Do you still have some?

Well, I bought, I don't know.

I bottled it.

Was it a one-use thing or did I have enough?

It's like one.

You only bought one, right?

I didn't buy it.

I bottled a

cave or whatever.

How many bottles did you have?

I think 14.

I want to say 14.

I think I only said the one, so I think it was the one.

That was the dream sharing liquid.

Yeah.

I wasted it.

Chip, you find the silver pin that Carol gave you with an S wrapped around the scabbard.

The pin shimmers across your eyes, and you hear a sword unsheathed.

Shing, and you feel a new memory pop into your head.

Find out what that memory is on the next episode.

Hey, we were getting into so much lore.

Turns out Carol is alive the whole time and everyone lived happy.

It was all a dream.

It was all a dream.

I don't know.

What's a dream?

You're telling yourself that.

Might hut did not work.

Nope.

It looks great.

Y'all got a long rest.

Y'all feel great.

Chip goes against his firefighting ways and lights the hut on fire

with the alchemist inside.

Well, there's no emergency exit, right?

Chip would be very concerned about that.

Did you guys know that you could directly support the show by subscribing at stinky dragonpod.com slash first and become a first member?

Yes, you can.

And some of our amazing little stinkers, aka our first members, we want to shout out this episode, are Chivalrous Pig 12, Gabe Up in Your Head, we got Cryptid Collection, El the Dragon, and Creative underscore 06.

Thank you guys so much for supporting the show and being first members.

These guys are directly supporting the show and they also get access to more great content like Second Wind, interact with us on our subscriber-only Discord channels and events, and so much more, including getting an ad-free experience.

Again, that's stinkydragonpod.com/slash first.

We cannot thank you guys enough for your support that lets us make this show.

We also want to give a quick shout out to some friends that voiced some characters this episode.

We have The Alchemist, voiced by Blizzbear, at Blizz Bear on social media.

We have Carol Kinohaney, voiced by Laurel Rothamel, who is at Laurel Rothamel on social media.

Count von Breath, voiced by the wonderful Trevor Collins, at underscore Trevor C on social media.

And finally, Evina von Brath, voiced by Kristen Nelson, who is at Kristen Allen on social media.

Thank you guys so much for lending your wonderful voices to our show.

The Stinky Dragon channel is managed by Ben Ernst.

This episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon was produced by Kai Cook, written, edited, and composed by Micah Reisinger, with additional editing work by David Sonia.

Head over to stinkydragonpod.com for all things stinky.

And tune in next time for another thrilling episode of Tales from the Stinky Dragon.

Chip!

I'm back from the markets!

Honey, do you mind helping me unload?

A little early for a nap, sweetheart, don't you think?

Did you really think that you could hide from us?

You know we're always connected.

No illusions can conceal your true nature to us.

Besides, you have work to do.

Talon isn't finished with you.

Ah, the infamous killer Carol Kino.

Or is it Shivy?

I always get those two mixed up.

What do you want?

Word is, you're the assassin that can handle any hit, no matter what the stakes.

Well, let me tell you, the stakes couldn't be higher, my dear.

Wouldn't you agree, Chip?

Stop.

I'll do whatever you want.

Just don't hurt him.

Oh, that's splendid news.

See, ladies, I told you we'd all be fast friends.

So, who's your target?

Let's just say I've been meaning to discuss some rather grave issues with our clan leaders, starting with Lorenzo Wilson.

Oh, that reminds me.

Since we're friends and all, I brought you a gift.

I had it handmade just for you.

Call it an insurance policy.

In case you change your mind when the time comes, this little belt will help us keep an eye on you and let us know if you're covering outside the lines.

Who are you?

Of course.

How rude of me.

You can call me

Eddie.

A happy place comes in many colors.

Whatever your color, bring happiness home with CertaPro Painters.

Get started today at Certapro.com.

Each Certapro Painters business is independently owned and operated.

Contract for license and registration information is available at Certapro.com.

This is the story of the one.

As a custodial supervisor at a high school, he knows that during cold and flu season, germs spread fast.

It's why he partners with Granger to stay fully stocked on the products and supplies he needs, from tissues to disinfectants to floor scrubbers.

Also that he can help students, staff, and teachers stay healthy and focused.

Call 1-800GRANGER, clickgranger.com, or just stop by.

Granger for the ones who get it done.