#647: Catman

Hey, before we begin the show, I thought I'd take this moment for a very quick Patreon update.

If you're not a member, this is the month to join the TSD Patreon as we have two Count On Two new shows premiering in August.

Up first,

Cartoon Tunes.

This is a show I'm really hoping gets good feedback as I'd love to do 100 episodes.

The premise is simple: I, along with a Tesdi Town member and Teddy, drive to a car hop eatery and talk cartoons and music tunes based upon an idea by Brian Rupert, who is also filming and editing the show.

And I want to congratulate the Rupert family upon the arrival of the newest addition to the family, Vivian.

Also debuting in August is the premiere episode of the comic book game show, Beat the Baron.

If you liked Elephants in the Room, then you should love Beat the Baron.

A ton of work by myself and Chuck has gone into it, and I really think it shows.

And the $5 tier will be getting the video for Beat the Baron episode one.

So, just these two episodes alone, I think, are worth the $5 it takes to join the TSD Patreon in August.

But you not only get those two episodes, you also get more TSD content than you can shake a stick at.

So, I implore you: if you want to join up,

don't try shaking your stick.

Just stop.

It's not worth the embarrassment.

You look like a fool.

All right, let's start the show.

Killer, Killer,

Yes,

Brightley.

Wag your finger the the other way because I don't give a fuck.

That's homegrown American Talek!

Tell them Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

Here with Q.

What's going on?

Here with, well, I don't want to put any pressure on me.

Last week I opened with that high energy.

Oh, yeah.

And then had to keep it up the whole time.

So if I start with real low energy, anything that, you know, goes up.

Well, you build to a crescendo.

Yeah.

People are like, yeah.

Or you've got to have like a vein popping out of your forehead by the end.

Right, yeah.

It has to look dangerous and pulsating.

Well, Q is a hard out today.

Not that hard.

It's a three-hour window, isn't it?

Well, he has a hard out because he's doing a little,

he's doing a little things with some kittens.

Yeah, did I tell you about this?

You did?

No, I heard about it, though.

I hear things.

I hear things.

I hear things around, you know?

Yeah, I got another kitten, Boris's newest niece, born in my yard.

And she's been there three months now, and

I captured her walt and got her to the vet, which is always oddly emotional for me when I see those cats who trusted me for three months look at me.

And now we're

oh, the woman who did the cemetery worker from

Five Stupid Questions at Q West.

She's coming up.

We're flying her.

She can take the kitten.

Oh, okay.

Sheba, I'm calling her.

And so we're flying her up.

She's grabbing the kitten and then flying back to Alabama.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, yeah.

It's pretty fucking cool, man, that she had.

They don't have any cats in Alabama, I guess.

They got to get the special Q cat.

Yeah, I mean,

a certain pedigree.

Well, I mean, I'm paying for the flight and all that stuff, so it doesn't cost that much.

Oh, I imagine.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's like, you know, it's not, they can get a cat for free there, but they can get a cat for free here.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's true.

It's free regard.

They got a trip out of it.

They got a trip to New York out of it.

They got to hop knocking.

No, no, they're staying overnight on Staten Island.

So from here, I'm going to the vet and then bring the vet over to the hotel.

Okay.

Not the vet, the cat over to the hotel.

I'm excited.

I get, I'm excited.

I'm glad.

This cat was a solo kitten, Walt.

So she was out there without

without playmates.

Now you said it was Boris's niece.

Yes.

So what is this lineage then?

Well, Boris's half-sister

is the mother of this cat.

Yeah.

And where was she?

She lived in my yard.

She's lived in my yard for years.

She's like four years, three or four years old at this point.

Is it uncommon for

a cat to have only one kitten?

I don't know whether it was common.

I haven't seen it yet.

Usually I see two, two, or three, but this little Sheba was a little lonely kitten.

And not the best mother in the world, if I'm going to be honest, as much as I love her mother, so she would leave her unattended to a lot.

So I would go out there and give her water and stuff like that.

But it is, it is like I get

psychotically

wounded when I catch these animals because

the look of fear in their eyes as they look at me.

Even though I know they're getting that princess life from here on out,

I just feel like, oh, I just rock this fucking cat's universe.

And it really

got a flight thing going on.

Which sucks me off, dude.

And like for the rest of the day, I'm like the big Lebowski in front of my fireplace.

Strong men and also cry.

30 seconds of terror for a lifetime of

pampered privilege.

Yeah, it's like four days of terror.

Oh, four days.

Well, because then she goes in the ved and she doesn't, you know, never been inside before.

The dogs are barking, you know, that, you know, and then now a plane fucking trip to Alabama.

You know, but once she's settled, she'll be eating caviar, right?

And she's in first class for sure.

She is

really wanted this because I like the person that's taking it too.

Like, she was really nice and stuff like that.

So, I'm excited.

I'm excited.

That's cool.

Yeah.

So, yeah, I got to get out of here when I can.

Who told you?

I hear things.

I can't give you my sources.

Jeez, Louise.

I like having little tabs on you guys.

You know, yeah, people tell me stuff.

Yeah, good though.

Yeah, a little kitten.

And a mom's pregnant again, so it's going to start all over again.

Can't catch the mom to get her neutered or spade, rather?

Every time I've caught her so far, she's already been pregnant.

So it's like

you really want to abort these kittens?

And I'm like, fuck no.

Get the cat back.

They do abort kittens.

Yeah, I hate it.

But what are you going to do?

That's a very pro-life stance from Viki.

I love that.

We're going to get fucking.

No.

Well, yeah, maybe.

There might be some people who are.

Some hardcore.

If it made you feel better, you could scrape out all the humans you want, and I don't really care, but you come to me with a kitten, and I'm like, no.

Not on my watch.

Father Atlantis just upped his Patreon subscription tier after he heard that

tirade on you, your anti-abortion tirade.

she's at the hundred dollar tier right now

isn't there more i can give

we got to create an extra tier

pro-cat life tier yeah

oh boy there's so much going on this week there was the ozzy funeral procession did you see it i haven't seen nothing on it oh boy There were

a lot of people.

It was like the queen died.

Wow, good.

They had like a little marching band playing Black Sabbath songs ahead of the hearse, and then there was a hearse and like fucking 10 cars behind it.

And people just had a glass coffin or something cool like that?

No, it did have a coffin that said Ozzy on the side, though, in purple.

And

the people lining the streets, dude, thousands and thousands and thousands of people.

Birmingham, yeah.

Wow.

So you got a good send-off.

Was it like a star-studded event attended by all the big name metal names?

All I saw in

the little piece that I saw was

Sharon and the kids.

Otherwise, yeah, they didn't really.

The things I saw was just a procession.

And then Sharon and the kids at the funeral looking pretty upset.

You think they'll give you a procession in

New Jersey

when you go?

Huh.

I'm thinking probably.

In Highlands, at least.

In Highlands?

Went about to the airport plaza parking lot.

There you go.

Just a quick, you know, one

circle.

Get him at Walton, ahead of the hearse.

We go through the KFC drive-through.

We don't even know.

I'll just throw you in the back seat of the crown Vic.

We'll just sit you up and like drive around in circles.

I got a string on my hand, so it looks like I'm waving.

His eyes don't look too good.

Yeah, I think the right one's rotted out already.

How long has this been?

Yeah, so goodbye, Ozzy.

Bye, Ozzy.

Goodbye, Ozzy.

Went to the Monmouth County Fair Walt.

Oh, boy, it was a torture test with the heat this week.

Well, the first night we went, we went on,

what was it?

It would have been Friday evening.

We were like, all right, it'll be a little bit cooler at night, so we'll go a Friday evening.

We get there, we're walking up to buy the tickets, and then there are people turning around and walking back towards us, and they're like, yeah, they're closed.

Because of the heat?

Because of potential storms.

Because it rained that night.

So I guess they're like, anytime there's a storm within 20 miles or three hours, they have to close down the fair.

I wonder why.

I bet you something must have happened.

I don't know what to do.

At some point, yeah.

So we went back the next day.

We took off.

We went back the next day.

And it was just as brutally hot.

Where'd you take off from?

We took off from the fair.

We left off.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry.

We took off.

I'm like,

where did you take off from?

Both of you.

I'm dying to know what you took off from.

I had some drugs in the car

blasted office those guys waited in the back seat

okay so you went on saturday so we left we went saturday and uh no we went during the day oh boy yeah

95 degrees

looking for any patch of shade the good thing is there weren't a lot of people there so like she didn't have to say she didn't have to wait long for the rides or anything

the bad part was yeah you were waiting in the brutal.

My fucking pool was 96 degrees.

Wow, just from the,

yeah, yeah.

I actually drained water out and put cold water in from the hose, brought it down to like a chilly 91.

It was crazy.

I was like, it's like a stew.

It was so fucking hot.

Yeah, it was warm out there.

Yeah, it's going to be like that a few more days, too, right?

No, I think it's a, I think this is it.

It's supposed to be bad storms today.

Yeah, and it's really like in the 70s.

Motherfucker, I just watched the Crown Vic.

I was outside scrubbing it.

My shirt off in the driveway.

Like it was the 80s.

Nice.

Yeah, it was nice.

Did you guys watch the pig races?

We didn't see any pig races.

In fact, yeah, we didn't see any turtle races?

We didn't see any turtle races, nothing like that.

They might have been later on in the day.

When did you let them go?

They do that at their Richmond County Fair.

They paint the numbers on the back of the shell.

Oh, let them race?

Yeah.

A fucking race to salmonella fucking poisoning.

Well, we don't

One, we don't handle them at all.

We don't handle them with our mouse.

You don't kiss the winner as you first.

I do, I do, I do.

There was one ride, though.

It was the Alpine slides.

Like, you know, it goes around in the circle.

Yeah.

And I was, it must be an old ride because the images are like all of like snow and mountains and stuff like that, but it's all hot chicks.

Yeah.

It's all like like blondes with cut stomachs and the the ski suit like button down to their their cleavage no they know what they're doing somebody knows or somebody's like i'm not paying for a new one i'll take the i'll take the compliments

the the old alpine slides of the ride this ride is woke now

did you get any kernel corn

we got funnel cake got some funnel cake nice got three slices of pizza and three sodas it was 51

holy shit.

I couldn't believe it.

I was like, I'm sorry.

What?

I literally had to do a double take.

$51 for three six.

$51 for three slices and three sodas.

I went last year and they had a Chick-fil-A

truck.

Oh, that would have been dreamy.

Right.

And I'm like, well, the lines for everything else were rather long.

And I'm like,

I know I like Chick-fil-A.

It's a safe bet.

But the prices for Chick-fil-A

at the fair didn't reflect what they would be

at the regular joints because it was like, you know, $20 for six nuggets.

Right.

That's bullshit, man.

Yeah, I guess they must charge them a lot for that space that they rent out, you know.

Which sucks.

Yeah.

So, oh, speaking of sexy women, I need to figure out, this will be a good test to find out whether Q is a Nazi.

Oh!

Or you just appreciate a fine lady in some jeans.

I could already answer for you before you throw that.

You talk about Sidney Sweeney?

Talking about the Sidney Sweeney.

Tobacco.

These people can't stop fucking putting their own gun in their mouth and pulling the trigger.

They can't stop.

I saw the headline and I was like, Jesus Christ, they're still trying this.

The finger wagging is still like they're still over this.

Yeah, and I think people are like, wag your finger the other way because I don't give a fuck.

We're finally there.

We're people like that.

I don't even know what you guys are talking about.

Oh, you're not aware of this?

Sweezy and Sidney Sweeney,

hot actress.

That's her saving America.

I thought she was one of America's greatest hopes

before this happened.

Well known for her luscious boobs.

She doesn't make any bones about it.

She's fucking making money.

She's the one that sold bathwater soap.

Oh, okay.

I thought that was glass.

Yeah, and also extremely talented, must be said, good actress.

Okay, so what's the issue?

The issue is that this, while looking like a sexy woman selling some jeans, is actually Nazi propaganda.

How so?

Because you're looking at a beautiful white woman with blonde hair saying that she has great genes.

Oh, yeah.

Okay, you know what?

Yeah, that's problemsome.

Yeah.

Why?

No, why is that?

Because you could put anybody else in there.

She does have good genes, though.

Like, why are we arguing what's obvious?

Because

that was one of the Nazi talk talking points, though, or the

American talking points in the beginning of the 20th century.

I mean,

he was a dude with boner talking points.

You know what?

That ad copy, if it was anything.

I mean, if the G, if it was white denim, even then, I'd be like, I don't know, guys.

I could see it.

I could see someone getting

that's that's really

in poor taste.

It's not the, it's not the, uh, it's not the model.

It's not her fault, but it's the American Eagle PR company or the ad.

Well, their stock went up about 20%.

So I don't know that it is a bad move.

Yeah, it seems like because American Eagle was not a brand that everyone was like, hey, American Eagle.

It's like, and now it's kind of come back.

I saw it and I was like, I can't believe they're still doing this.

They're fucking still doing this.

You don't get the connection to the

look.

You could force a connection through anything.

No, I don't.

I got to be honest.

I don't care.

I didn't get it at first till Brian told me, but then it was like, holy shit.

You know?

This isn't woke.

Yeah, but it doesn't mean anything.

It means that she's a fantastic-looking woman.

She's got great genes.

Yeah,

yeah, but I can see that.

No, if you did, that's it, man.

That's in poor taste, though.

Yeah, that's the phrasing of the history.

Would it be in poor taste if it wasn't a beautiful white girl?

Like, say it was Lizzo.

Probably not.

Why not?

When you know she doesn't have great genes.

Who?

Lizzo.

Well, how do we know this one does?

Are your eyes open?

Yeah, put your glasses in.

Are you looking at it?

So

you think her mom looks like that?

You think her grandma looks like that?

You think that's your great-grandmother?

Presently, who knows?

I think that's a lot of fucking plastic surgery probably.

No fucking way.

That's homegrown American talent.

It's probably a lot of fucking

hours under

beautiful.

She was like, she's like 22.

A lot of liposuction and filter and camera filters.

And probably fake tits, too.

No, now you're that's heresy, though.

Now you're fucking now you're offended.

You're being offensive, sir.

I'm going to wag my finger at you.

Yeah.

You're like fucking ill.

Yeah.

Would it make a difference if it weren't?

Not at all.

Right.

So, but

she's never really, but like, to be also clear, like, I've never seen her show or anything like that.

So all I get to see is the fantastic photos that people are on the internet.

It's not her fault, though.

I feel bad for her if she's taking a lot of flack, unneeded flack for this, and if it causes her to not get

some gigs.

I feel horrible for her, but this is American Eagle, and

they have to pay the toll for poor judgment here.

There was something interesting.

You know what, Walter convinced me.

I've totally turned around on this Walter.

Trump put out a statement on Twitter or X or his Truth Social, whatever platform he's on.

And he was basically like,

fuck all you guys waving, wagging your fingers.

Sidney Sweeney's an American treasure.

It was fucking great.

But she's pretty?

It was fucking great.

Yeah, just to see that.

And I'm like, I wonder if Sidney Sweeney's like, Gary,

exactly.

She's like, guys.

No.

The face of like her, the horror on her face when she saw that on social media that the president said that.

Yeah.

Yeah, that's not a great endorsement.

Absolutely.

Who knows what the politics are?

Maybe she's like, great.

Yeah, but you know she's going to pay a price for this.

I don't think she is.

Somewhere.

I think it's so ridiculous that people are like, I think everybody's rolling their eyes at finger wagon these days anyway.

And I think that I'm surprised that they even fucking took this swing out of her because I was like, guys, you seem so everything going on in the world.

And you guys are still fucking trying this shit.

You got to hear his tweet.

Many Democrats and Democratic supporters have been criticizing the American Eagle Company, which is one of the great patriotic names for a company, for its latest ad campaign to sell blue jeans, starring the beautiful and talented Sidney Sweeney.

These online crybabies are calling

and Sidney fascists.

Totally ridiculous.

Selling blue jeans is about as American as it can get, if we're being totally honest.

Maybe if these fat, ugly losers spent more time working on themselves, they wouldn't be so angry about everything.

MAGA.

If he had ended it.

You see how fat he is?

How does he have the balls?

Be like, you're fat?

How does he just call anybody fat?

It's so fucking

these tweets halfway through, and he'd be in a much better position.

Yeah, it's usually the second paragraph that or the second thought is most ugly.

Well, I didn't hear her call American treasure, though.

No, no, no, but the great and talented American

Sidney Sweeney.

Oh, my God.

Well, hopefully

it won't.

Fat, ugly losers?

Yeah.

Well, hopefully it won't stain her and really cause her career to

crater.

Right.

Because it's not her fault.

Well, if she stopped getting work, I mean, I'm sure she went on OnlyFans and make a billion times more than

I think Sidney Sweeney's going to be okay.

Yeah, I think she'll be all right.

Did you see Fantastic Four?

I did.

I did.

You loved it.

did you see it, Brian?

I did not go see it.

Sorry.

10 out of 10, a love letter to Jack Kirby.

Wow.

I was absolutely

absolutely moved.

A movie with Johnny Storm figured out an alien language on his own in two days.

You're given a flawless 10 out of 10.

I found nothing that I can

be upset about.

And I know I'm like the boy who cried wolf because last week I said I was gonna love everything but I legitimately love this sometimes even I can't tell when you're fucking I loved it really I loved it but I liked it

I'm surprised it's 10 out of 10 not that you liked it because I did like it can't I couldn't find anything I didn't like about it like the tone was absolutely perfect like so grim you didn't think that

I don't want to say hopeful at the same time I'm telling you I'm a fan of the movie I'm just like you didn't think that like Galactus got defeated a little too easily?

Wouldn't you have liked to seen Galactus maybe destroy another planet before he got to?

I don't know.

Something.

I don't defeat it, though.

No, I know.

Yeah, I think, you know, I don't know.

But for the purposes of this movie.

No, I mean.

They were like, step here.

It was everything.

We got him, guys.

And, you know, like, no, let's say he didn't have the fucking

ultimate nullifier.

Yeah, the nullifier.

Like, you didn't.

I don't think you could do the ultimate nullifier and pull it off.

I don't know.

Why not?

It's a different universe.

You tie it into the

Infinity Gems of that universe or something.

You could pull it off.

Look, I liked it.

I'm shocked that you're not.

You didn't like it as much as Superman?

I don't know that I liked it as much as Superman.

But I love Superman.

Just seeing Superman is enough for me to get like...

I am like as much as you were stunned by my

lukewarm reception to Superman.

I am stunned by your kind of lukewarm.

It's not lukewarm.

I liked the movie a lot.

It's tepid.

It's not that tepid.

I liked it.

I actually went to see it after it ended.

I went to go sit in it.

You saw it twice?

I saw it one and a half, like one and because

I wanted to hear the music.

Like the music

awesome.

So I was like, I want to see it again and just pay attention to the music.

And I was like, the music was fucking.

The score was fucking great.

Yeah, the score was great.

No, I really love the movie.

The art design is absolutely deserving of multiple Oscars.

And when fucking they took out Herbie's like household tape and put in the space tape, I was like, What a great fucking detail.

I was like, What a great detail.

Some of my favorite moments, though, like I almost stood up in my chair and fucking screamed at the top of my lungs like I saw a helicopter

was when they're in the spaceship and they're trying to get away from the surfer.

Yeah.

And Sue Storm goes, Kill her, kill her.

Yes,

friendly.

And Johnny trusts the killer.

Yeah.

I know.

I was like, fucking awesome.

Yeah, because it was just everything like what a mother would do to defend her child.

It was perfectly

the tone.

I love the

coming together of the world.

It's like, we have to work together.

Never has the, in history, has every nation come together to form

an allegiance to, you know, the fact that they pulled that off was the only unrealistic thing.

I was like,

everybody's got on board with this.

I thought it was

stunning at times.

I wish it could have been five hours long or at least four hours long because it would have been nice, fantastic four.

It was four hours long, I thought.

An hour for each member.

But like all this stuff.

How long was it about two?

Yeah, I think it was barely like

a little over two.

It was about a two.

It was like an hour and I heard they cut a whole bunch out, though.

They cut a gigantic red ghost battle.

Okay.

You like the take on the mole man, huh?

I did.

When I I was watching it, I was thinking you wouldn't like it.

It was funny.

They didn't have any molloids.

Like, they didn't show any.

I was like, why would they not do that?

I felt it could have been a little bit more homely.

Okay.

And that would have been nice because the mole man was such a

strange-looking person, but I could live with it.

Yeah.

There was, I didn't really like the beard either on the thing, but again, small little, small little thing could not

damper my enthusiasm for

how many things that they hit perfectly, how many times they hit home runs with

Reed, the Pedro Pascal.

He looked good.

The stretching looked good, man.

When they did it, I was like, wow, they pulled it off because that's a big concern.

And

his infuriating monotone,

cold clinical

outlook on everything.

Like, you could see how people would be frustrated with somebody who has that much of an intelligence and but is also has no emotions behind it.

Yeah, I thought it was great.

Oh, yeah.

I thought it was a little weird that the first thing they admitted when they got off the plane was just like

that he wants our baby and we can save you all.

I was like, I would have kept that info on the side pocket for a little bit.

Well, they're heroes, man.

They don't fucking

lie.

No, but you know,

you don't have to tell either, right?

Yeah, yeah.

But I thought it was, I liked it.

I liked it.

I liked it a lot.

Like people who were mad at me about my take on Lois Lane, I mean, that's how you do a strong female character.

So much, she was stronger than all three of the members, and it was fucking perfectly handled.

Whereas she is fucking

dope with the way she went after Galactus.

She was awesome in that.

No, she was great.

I thought the Sober surfer was great too.

How great did her skin look?

Like, I thought they nailed that skin look like real moving.

What are you trying to make up for?

Nothing.

I really love it.

No, no, the movie.

The movie's good.

I really loved it.

He nailed so much about Galactus, and it was such a trip to see him displayed that accurately on screen.

But I did think he got dispatched a little too easily.

I think it's fucking Galactus, man.

But they only got him to go into, they only moved him.

I know I'm giving a white paper, but you don't want to know, but they only moved him like a foot to fall into a

so he's coming back.

Well, they didn't really defeat him, they it took it took yeah, but they you just saw that one like to me, it's just like you know, he destroyed the planet, right?

And I and I thought that the ship they used for him wasn't as cool as the ship in the comics.

I was like, why don't they fucking do that?

Do that.

What is it called?

The Norris 2 or the

2, yeah.

I think he's coming back in a, you know, hopefully in a big, bad way in the next ones, and he's the whole, like, he's probably going to be

the ultimate Thanos then.

But,

I mean, it's hard to talk about what I want to remove, but, like, so you think that when they shot him into that thing, he went into another universe?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, he just went to an because they said they were just transporting him to parts unknown.

Far out into space.

I think he's coming back.

It would be

a crime if they don't.

Probably already a galactics in the main universe already, though.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

Because they have celestials because they showed the celestials already in eternals.

It would be strange, though, to follow up on Galactus movie with another Galactus movie, though, right?

That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying.

We might not see him.

Maybe we don't.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, I'm like,

show him destroying one more planet

instead of just, you know, I don't know.

But he looked awesome, and it was fucking great.

I just love the tone of it, though, that like that 60s R Deco.

Yeah, look cool.

The whole thing.

I mean, I don't know why they took out Alicia Masters and didn't have Ben fall in love with Alicia, but it's a small thing.

I don't know why.

I don't know why

they had any sort of romance thing in the movie at all that didn't pay off.

She was there one scene and then she wasn't there again.

I'm like, what's the point?

And why get rid of Alicia Masters?

Right.

She's blind.

Why not make her Alicia then?

I don't, yeah, those are things unless he finds Alicia in our world or the MCU world.

Who knows?

Who knows?

But I loved it.

And,

you know, that sucks that it comes on the heels of me saying I was gonna love everything.

And people might not believe me, but well, I believe you.

Yeah, that's all that matters.

So, anybody like anybody listening, like I'm I get caught in Walt's rope of dopes as well, so you're not alone out there, but I do believe him on this one.

It's not like Ghostbusters 2016, where I'm like, I know this motherfucker doesn't mean what he's saying, not a single word.

I can't.

What's the next Marvel movie then?

Is it Spider-Man?

I think so.

It's going to be tough for me now to come off of that cosmic space and to come on a street-level hero, though.

Nah, it's Spider-Man.

I know about it.

We've seen a bunch of Spider-Man movies.

I wish we could see another Fantastic Four movie immediately.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, they're going to be in the Avengers movie, those two, so you'll see him, I guess.

I read that Pedro Pascal is now the face of MCU, basically.

He killed it.

He killed it.

He was great.

He's so annoying in real life.

I can't take him.

Is he?

I don't really follow that stuff, so I don't know what he is like in real life as far as I'm concerned.

Just like the guy who played Dante is Dante.

I don't even remember his real name.

Oh, Brian O'Halloran.

You're not a real person you've known for 30 years.

Just as

Brian O'Halloran is Dante to me, and always will be, Pedro is Reed Richards.

He's just Reed Richards now.

Wow, he's not good, huh?

He even had the white hair, which I love.

He did a good job.

He did a good job.

But like, I felt the parallels.

Like, you know, when I deal on a daily basis with a very frustrating genius.

yes.

So, when I see, I can see how, you know, you have to deal with that kind of knowledge

and that calculations that are always right on, spot on, it can get frustrating.

Yeah, you feel small.

And who are you in this situation?

You're just a regular guy?

Oh, you're not even part of the Fantastic Four?

No, you don't have an idea with kids.

Right, right, yeah.

That's what I mean.

The Johnny Storm language thing didn't bother me.

It didn't bother me at all.

I was like, really?

Recon just to have a program that does this in 10 seconds.

Yeah, but then I just like that Johnny was motivated.

Instead of just being like,

what role does he fill then other than being a hothead?

I mean, I thought it was going to be trying to fuck the Silver Surfer.

He was trying.

I know.

I was like, there's the story.

I'm like, get him to try to fuck the Silver Surfer.

Like, that's what I want to see.

But no,

I would have preferred Norn Rad.

It's a bummer that he's not in his own movie.

I think it worked better with her.

I don't think it worked better with her, but I thought her skin, the skin effects looked cool.

But then you wouldn't have Johnny trying to really be motivated to find out the language.

If it's a dude, he doesn't care.

But if it's a girl, he's like, oh, like you said, I want to get with her.

So let me find out how she's her language.

I don't think his motivation should have been something that Reed could figure out in 10 seconds on his own.

He's too busy trying to figure a way to stop collapsing.

He built the new spacesuits in between scenes.

He doesn't have a fucking

grow another brain and work on the thing.

Little things like that, but I did enjoy it.

Um, and again, the music, I came and then I got home, I listened to the soundtrack.

I was like, oh, it just sounds so fucking cool!

Like an iconic, an instantly iconic.

What is your favorite era of Fantastic Four comics for you?

Like, what's your era where you look at and you're like, Yeah, this is my favorite point.

It's probably going to be when Sue had that costume that everybody hates with the fucking triangle, yeah, that one.

Yeah, that one, that's my favorite one.

Oh, my God,

Where it was like a

she's wearing lingerie, yeah, yeah.

That's what you were watching.

I think that that's my Seuss Storm.

No problem with it.

Bring it on the Marvel, not me.

They're the ones that made it.

Her legs are bare and her arms are bare.

Everything's bare.

It's a bare.

She's Sydney Sweeney.

She's got great jeans.

No.

I guess,

man, you know, the 80s, like the whole Power Pack era and stuff like that.

You know, know, I know that that's not Fantastic Four, but that kind of era.

So who was the, do you know who the creative team was?

I never really, like,

was the biggest Fantastic Four.

Did you dive into the FF?

No, I read them.

I read them monthly, but I

like when Doctor Doom stole the kid and stuff like that.

Like, I know storylines, but I wouldn't say there's like a version of the Fantastic Four that I love more than any other one because they were just never really my.

They're like X-Men.

Like, I'm aware, you know what I mean?

Like, I never really got into X-Men.

Same thing with Fantastic Four a bunch.

But I read it at the same time.

So I don't know what I'm saying right now.

I just buy shit and read it mindlessly.

But if you're asking me what my favorite Fantastic Four costume is, it's definitely that one.

Wow.

Yeah,

you're not going to find many who point to that era.

Maybe not that admitted.

But that's a woman claiming her

own sexuality.

And I love that.

Yeah, but that's like

Mrs.

Brady putting on a thong and praying around fucking.

It's not right.

It's not right that Sue Storm should be sexualized like that.

Really?

Sue Richards.

It's her choice.

She's a mom.

You shouldn't.

That was a bad, as a dark era for me.

I just want everybody to be looking it up.

You can sexualize a mom, can't you, though?

But it's not right.

She was like the wholesome mom.

I mean, wasn't she like the ditzy, like in the sixties and stuff?

She was like, Reed, what are we doing now?

Oh,

that's that's kind of in line for how you know chicks were in the sixties and how they were

broads and games.

They looked to their husbands for uh

guidance.

You remember how much the world sucked in the sixties?

No.

Oh, you know what?

One of the things I watch on T V looks awesome.

Laughing.

Yeah.

You know.

But what do I know?

I was watching it a decade after it happened.

Yeah.

Goldie Hunt did look good.

Oh, yeah.

Who was the other one?

Who's the goofy one?

There was Goldie Hunt, but there was like a goofy-looking lady.

Ruth Buzzy.

Ruth Buzzy, yeah.

She just died not too long ago.

Yeah.

Not as memorable.

Well, she was memorable, but

they didn't make her dance in a bikini with all tattoos.

Yeah, and flowers painted on her and stuff.

They just put her in a hair nut and made her bop.

Made her act old.

Where's my bikini?

Well,

we have a different idea for you.

Let's see.

What else do I got here?

Oh, the no, I never.

Wait, did you look up the Sue Storm thing?

No, no, no.

Get him, put it up on the screen.

I do want Brian's fucking mouth.

Okay, my take on this.

Yeah, yeah.

I was surprised.

Sexy Sue Storm action.

This is when she was a mom, you said, Walt?

Oh, definitely.

She has a daughter at this point, too.

Yeah, yeah, Valeria.

Yeah, she's.

It's a shocking that they made the choice.

It's ridiculous.

What year would this have been?

94.

Yeah, that's it, but there's better shots of it.

You know, there's more egregious.

Yeah, that's kind of a tame shot.

Oh, look at those things.

Do you see where the cleavage is?

The four is missing.

Yeah, the four is kind of.

There it is.

Look at that.

That's pretty

in front of her son.

Yeah.

And it definitely, and when you see a back shot of it, it's like creeping up or crack.

Really?

How long did they keep this design for?

Not very long.

No.

It was not universally beloved.

So they didn't use it in the movie?

No.

I mean, it would be fucking something if they did.

It sure would.

Yeah.

I mean, that's something else, man.

Like I said, it's like,

what was the mom's name in the Brady Bunch?

I can't remember.

Carol.

Like Carol Brady parading around in a thong and a fucking tits pressed together and trying to get them.

In front of the kids.

In front of the kids.

Oh, people hate that costume.

Awful.

It's consistently listed as one of the worst costumes of all time.

Who designed it?

Anyone?

Paul Ryan is the artist.

Yeah.

I'm not sure who the writer is in that era, though.

It may even be Engelhart.

I don't know.

Or Tom DeFalco.

Tom DeFalco, sure.

Oh, yeah.

You know, that's Dale.

I know.

Tom DeFalco.

No, no, no.

I know Tom DeFalco.

I didn't know the other.

DC Comics bomb shows.

Yeah.

It's DC.

Or Marvel, rather.

I didn't mind the Future Foundation.

Yeah, it says DC there, though.

Yeah, it does.

You didn't like what?

I didn't mind the Future Foundation stuff that they did, like when they had all the kids living in there in the Baxter building with them, and they had the white costumes, and Spider-Man was a member for a while.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

That was a good run.

Yeah, that was a good run.

I like that one.

That was many years.

That was like almost 15 years later than this, though.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

For sure.

Wow.

Anyway, sorry, I just want the Brian to get out of here.

Oh, no, that's okay.

Yeah, I like it.

I might be one of the few people who does.

Naked Gun.

You seem to be like you were in that age bracket of Naked Gun.

I love Naked Gun.

Yeah, I wasn't.

It's like an airplane movie, right?

It is.

I saw it once and I barely remember it.

I don't know how, man.

That first naked gun is one of the funniest things.

I got to rewatch.

Oh, yeah.

What are you saying?

Absolutely, dude.

The second one is great.

Less.

And the third one, I remember being where you were like, oh, it's still funny, but we're starting to see the same jokes over and over again.

But, God, that first naked gun is so fucking good.

You naked gun fan, Walt?

I don't really remember it that well.

I saw them.

I don't remember them that well either, but you know, we grew up with airplanes, so so

I can appreciate that absurdist comedy.

I grew up with the TV show.

I remember watching

police squad when I was on TV for a short

that's a that is a there was only eight episodes.

Yeah, that is an unbelievable trajectory, though.

That's crazy, right?

Like for a TV show that could not fucking last more than eight episodes and then they're like, okay, we'll make a major motion picture.

Yeah.

That is bonkers that a studio backed that.

And it was the right move.

It was definitely the right move.

But it that is some fucking long shot odds.

Yeah.

That's when they could do shit like that back then.

But fuck, man.

I have a mix about this new one because I heard it's really good.

But I've become friends with

David Zucker.

Yeah, yeah.

And they cut him out of it.

Really?

So he's not involved in it.

So even if it's good, there's a part of me that's just like,

that's my boy, man.

You know what I mean?

Like, how do you cut him out of his own creation?

So.

Wait a minute, what?

He has wanted to make a naked gun movie for years.

And he was involved with the original?

He wrote and directed all three of them.

How did you become friends with him?

How old is this guy now?

He's in his probably late, early 70s now.

Really?

How'd you meet him?

He's been on every one of the Jokers cruises.

Oh, really?

We did airplane screenings, naked gun screenings on the boat.

I've been to his house, had done it.

But how did you come to be in his circle?

He,

I think, he saw Impractical Jokers and wrote, said something publicly about how much he was was like

loved that show.

And we reached out and we were like, holy shit, we sent him, oh, no, no, no, that wasn't it.

Oh, it's even better.

His, we ran into him somewhere and sent, and he, he was like, my son watches the show, my daughter watches the show, but I haven't watched it.

We sent him the DVDs and he wrote us these fuck this nice email about how funny he thought it was and really thoughtful stuff.

And

we flew out to LA and had dinner with him and we just kind of been friends with him.

So you ran into him and you recognized him because he's not an actor, right?

He's a.

No, oh, there he is.

That's him on dinner party.

We had him on.

You're going to love this gag

that he's got coming up.

You don't even need the volume.

So, yeah, he

yeah, we just you recognized him as the you're the guy for him.

He was at a con or something like that, yeah, for sure.

And then he we sent him, and we printed out the emails.

I have his email he wrote, and he signed it for me, and it's framed in my office.

Oh, nice.

Yeah, um,

But it's just a great guy.

So how come he wasn't allowed to be a part of the new one?

Is it just ageism?

He's probably one who's run by a bunch of fucking morons, I guess.

Is this ageism creeping in?

He's on the other side of 70.

But he wanted to do it, and he tried for years.

Here it is.

That happens for the rest of the interview.

It's just so great.

He's like, sell the food's too cold.

And like, get out of here.

And she's bringing bringing him martinis and stuff.

He's just the fucking funniest.

And he, he, he said to me once, he's like, nothing you can say or do will ever, ever insult me.

And like, we just tried.

We went after him with like fucking crazy shit.

And he just, he doesn't care.

He's the best.

Anyway, he wanted to make the movie for years and like they just, they, they wouldn't let him do it.

And then when they made it with these new guys,

um, he wasn't involved.

They cut him out completely.

So it's like, come on, guys.

Like,

you know, the guy's a legend.

He made an airplane.

He made created Naked Gun.

Like, how you guys cut him out?

So, but I heard the movie is funny, so I'm torn.

My question about it was: because Liam Neeson's in it,

Pamela Anderson's in it.

Yeah.

And now they're an item.

Nice.

Do you have to measure up

if you're going to be with Pamela Anderson?

You got Tommy Lee.

Now you got Liam Neeson.

These guys are well known.

Giant hubs.

How old is Pam Anderson now?

She's got to be 60,

I think.

I think you got a little logo room at that point.

I can't imagine that that's an important aspect at this point any longer.

You think it's just

58 years old.

She's looking for

someone who's not a lunatic.

Yeah, she's looking for somebody with a big heart, not a big hog.

But doesn't he famously have a giant hog?

Yeah, that's what I mean.

Oh, so you're saying like the next person.

Maybe there won't be a next person.

Well, he's 73.

She's 58.

Yeah.

You know, that's a 15-year swing.

I mean,

certain point.

He looks good for 73.

He's fucking amazing, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, my point being that, yeah, she's known for going with guys with.

Does it shrink as

older, though?

Not so far.

Yeah, I hope that's not.

Now you're getting me nervous.

I thought I heard that.

I think because people put on weight and the fat comes out and takes over.

That I can attest to.

Because if you squeeze that pounce down, you got another two inches.

It's important when you're measuring it for statistics' sake.

But it's like, you know, you lose height,

I heard, as you grow older.

So I thought that meant you'd also lose some of your

length and girth.

I hope not.

Oh, you know what?

At that point, would it matter?

Yeah.

At 70?

Always.

I want the.

You don't think it's going to matter at 70?

You don't think it's going to matter in 13 years?

That seems soon.

No, I'm talking about like the, it's going to be minimal.

It's like, it's, oh, it's not like it's.

Oh, you're talking about the size.

Yeah.

Okay, I thought you were talking about in general, not caring about it at 70.

No, I'm just saying, like,

these changes.

Yeah.

Our changes are coming wrong.

They're almost

not visible by the naked eye.

You would have to have like

side-by-side pictures, I think, to be like, oh, yeah, wow, it was a little bit bigger back then.

I guess.

Yeah, so I wouldn't spend too much time fretting about it.

I never even thought about it until you brought it up now.

Well, yeah, hopefully you don't now.

Doesn't care about cats anymore.

Obsessing.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

I remember his wife died and he was destroyed.

Didn't she crash into a tree or something?

Was that her?

Was she a skiing accident or something?

Natasha something, right?

Natasha Richardson.

I can't remember what happened.

We shared an agent or something at the time, and they were like, we don't know if he'll ever work again.

He was apparently so in love with her and so happy with her.

And when she went, he was.

I mean, I guess anybody who loses their wife's, you know, you would think.

A beginner ski lesson.

Yeah, something like that.

At first, she refused any medical help, but complained of a severe headache about two hours after the accident.

If you hit your head, go to the fucking doctor immediately.

Go to the ER immediately.

My grandfather did the same thing.

My mother's father, he was on a ladder.

He was 58 years old.

He fell off and hit his head.

Didn't go to the doctor.

Didn't go to the hospital.

Next day, dead.

Oh, God, man.

You know?

Oh, God, it could all be over in any second.

Fall off a ladder, yeah.

Bump your head.

You don't know.

And isn't that what happened to

Bob?

What's his name, too?

The dude from Funniest Home Videos.

The dude from Funniest Home Videos.

Bob

Bob Sagett?

Bob Sagett, yeah.

I came here.

I was kept thinking Siegel.

Bob Sagett, yeah.

He fell in his room and hit his head or something, like after a show.

Yeah.

Oh, my God.

Didn't Sonny Bono die too of that?

He smashed into a tree skiing, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Oh, my God, man.

Yeah, Sagett had blunt head trauma from an accidental blow to the back of the head, most likely from a fall, and had subsequently died from the resulting injuries.

He was also infected with COVID-19 at the time.

Huh.

Never heard that.

People loved him.

I never got to meet him, but everybody I know that know him are like, he was like the greatest dude.

That's what I've heard about him.

He's a really nice guy, really funny guy outside of.

His comedians worshipped him.

Yeah, his career wasn't what he wanted it to be, even though it was a pretty big fucking career.

He had two major shows.

Is he from Full House?

No.

Oh, the way you said it, like, I met everybody in Full House.

No, I just wanted to say that I heard he was a good guy, but I didn't want to claim credit that I knew him.

That's okay.

Yeah, I guess the way you were dropped out, I was like, like you had met their whole cast other than him.

No, I just heard he was a nice guy, but I don't want to make it seem like I knew him.

Well,

what else we got here?

Let's see.

I don't know.

Wow, this is all like stuff.

Oh, that man that got sucked into the MRI machine.

I further heard that

it wasn't that he

wasn't told.

It's that he burst into a room that he shouldn't have been going into.

Burst in?

Yeah, he went into a room where his wife was against the MRI, and his wife called him in and said, Can you help me out?

Oh, man.

And he walked in and with his big chain on.

That sucks.

Yeah.

Helping his wife out and shit, and he dies.

I'm surprised the chain wouldn't just be ripped off.

Like, how fucking secure is that clasp?

Like, what's that?

20-pound chain.

I bet you're pretty thick.

Yeah, like, I'm surprised it didn't decapitate the guy.

Like, after it pulls him in, and then, like, it's pulling on the next ML.

I only painted $5 chains.

Yeah.

You didn't need to get pulled into a fucking MRI machine, man.

No, my chain's gonna snap before I go in.

It's like a little ball chain.

Yeah, there's no way.

Yeah, that's like for dog tags.

Yeah, same with Gid'em.

You guys are playing it smart.

He told me not to do that.

He said, don't buy a quality chain.

He goes, buy a ball chain.

Buy the cheapest one you can find.

It was a chalkboard with all sorts of equations written on it and shit.

And at the end, it was just cheap ball chain.

Tea bag and poop cruise, all the stuff we already.

I mean, I have evergreen ship from forever ago, but nothing really happened to me.

How long have we been going?

Uh,

47 minutes.

We got to keep going.

Yeah, we got to crack on a little bit more.

Yeah, I know.

Yeah,

let me scramble.

Let me think about that.

Oh, Will Smith.

I have that down.

Have you seen Will Smith embarrassing himself lately?

What has he done?

No, unless I've heard from him, he smacked Chris Rock.

Smacked Chris Rock, and then went on to now.

He's trying to reignite his rap career.

How old is he?

I think he's about as old as me.

I think he's like 57 or maybe 56, somewhere in there.

But I mean, if you see how he's doing it, it's pretty sad.

How's he doing it?

Like, he was down in the UK and he was doing this

his rap song where he's like, I like pretty girls, which is like maybe 40 years ago.

You could have been rapping about that.

But like an old guy rapidly.

He's saying pretty girls.

He's not saying like, I like hot bitches.

It's corny, though.

It is corny, but I mean, rap's been a lot more fucking disrespectful to women than I like pretty girls.

I was going to say, who doesn't like pretty girls?

Exactly.

The rap world has changed dramatically since he ruled

the

sales charts, right?

With parents just don't understand it.

It has changed a lot.

Oh, sure.

So it's hard to conquer it again.

But if anybody can, I think it's him.

You think so, huh?

I'm predicting that he does not come back as a rapper.

Why does he want to?

I don't know, but he's just like, call it the bounce back, because I'm bouncing back.

I saw him like doing this rap, and he

rhymed bounce back maybe four times.

With bounce back.

With bounce back, yeah.

It's been a while.

Yeah, he's rhyming warm.

I know.

Warm rhymes with rusty.

But, I mean, he's got to be rich beyond any need to care.

Oh, yeah.

So he's like, I don't give a fuck.

You don't like it?

Don't buy it.

I'm not sure.

But then you're like Eddie Murphy, though.

I remember his girl liked to party all the time.

Like, he was a great song.

Oh, come on now.

That's a great song.

Are you kidding me?

You don't like that song?

At the time, Rick James fucking produced that song.

Did he?

It sounds like a Rick James song.

Yeah, it's awesome, dude.

Wow.

But he was not like, people weren't like, okay, we respect Eddie Murphy for this song.

It was the joke at the time.

I don't remember that.

Why does it remember it being a hit song?

Why does that

annoy you, though?

Or not only, but if it gets on your radar, how come you don't want to see

Will Smith come back and

reclaim his throne?

I don't mind Will Smith coming back.

I mind it in as much as

the way he's doing it is just goofy.

Well, maybe that's what rap needs now.

We've gone from.

Well, they will never accept goofy.

We're not going back to goofy.

It's not happening.

It's not for you to say what they're going to do.

I'm not the one saying that.

What do you mean, they?

It's not for you to to say we're not going back.

Why not?

Who's it to then?

Why not me?

Why is it for somebody else to say?

Goofy with a fucking

Ghostbuster sign through it.

No more.

You want only hardcore rap for the rest of your days?

Oh, yeah.

But what about like

MC Hammers like the Adams family rap?

You don't love that?

Can't touch this.

Can't touch this?

You don't want to go back?

God, one of the greatest songs ever.

Fuck you.

Wax.

Can't touch this.

Okay, I'll give you that.

And And the moves.

The moves were unbelievable.

Flawless.

Yeah.

Flawless maneuvering.

Then look at him.

What did he do?

He became a preacher.

Spent all his money.

Spent all his money on horses.

I will say I'm upset with him for not bringing back Jazzy DJ.

Oh, DJ Jazzy Jeff?

Yeah.

So that was DJ Jazzy Jeff.

What's that?

So is DJ Jazzy Jeff.

That would be a shot heard around the rap world if both of them were like, we're both back.

We're getting goofy again, y'all.

If he got on stage and opened with like Nightmare Nightmare on My Street, like that Freddy Krueger one he did, like, I would be like, holy shit, this is all fun.

Yeah, you could do it.

Yeah, you could definitely.

Let's bring the fun back to rap.

Yeah.

No more shootings.

No more fucking thumbs.

No more bitches.

Yeah.

And the hoes.

No.

Have to throw it all out.

I mean,

Wu-Tang is doing a retirement tour.

Are they?

Yeah.

Sal went to the garden and so.

No more talking about killing people.

No more talking about, you know,

dragging hoes and stuff.

Let's let's

make it fun again.

What it used to be when you can't touch this, or even like a wild thing is about as naughty as I want it to be.

Yeah, with Ton Loke.

Yeah, Funky Comedina is about date rape drug, you know.

They can't go back to that.

Maybe leave that one out.

He gets a pass because he was the fucking father of naughty fucking date rape.

Of 80s art rape drugs.

The godfather.

Look at this shit, man.

Freddy Prilletta.

Yeah, see, I was not a fresh prince guy.

I didn't watch the show.

I didn't watch the show.

Okay, yeah, so I don't have any sort of love for it in that respect.

I had something that popped up.

I forgot to tell you when I was in the hospital last week, I came across somebody that we went to high school with.

Oh, yeah.

Walked up to me, didn't recognize him at first, came over to me with his hand extended, and while I'm in the hallway, and I'm talking to,

we're checking in with it with the

at the front desk and so I'm just sitting there and all of a sudden this guy extends his hand and I assumed it was some like maybe somebody from Compliment or something that recognized me so I was like oh hey man I go hi how are you and he goes and then I he goes he says something I was like holy shit and then I knew who it was and he said do you

He told me what he's doing now,

what he's up to, and where he's working and what a great job he has.

And he asked me if I was still in Red Bank working.

And I said, No, no, I don't work at the store anymore.

And he goes, So, what do you do now?

And again, faced with when I have to have a set.

I'm on welfare.

I gotta go.

And I have that long, like, like, dopey pause.

Like, what do I,

I'm a, oh,

yeah, I'm not, I'm not working at the moment.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

I don't know why.

Why do you think I'm so reluctant to just say

what I'm up to?

I just said, yeah, I'm just not doing it.

He goes, so what do you do then?

And I go, not much.

I go, I go, my wife's sick.

That's what I do.

I think it's because it's not.

It's such a douchebag thing to say.

Well, it's like I'm a podcaster.

It's like, well, how do you make money doing it?

Because

it demands further explanation.

You can't just be like, I'm a podcaster.

It's like, then you have to go into, you ever hear a Patreon?

No.

Okay, well, now I got to tell you what fucking Patreon is.

No one's going to question me.

No one's going to dig any deeper.

It's like, oh, so you can make money at that?

No one's going to, they're just going to be like, oh, cool.

What's the name of it?

And then I don't want them even listening to it, though.

You know, it's like

the other day, my mom said something.

We were going somewhere, and we asked her to watch

almost called him Chucky, Teddy.

We were to watch Teddy, and we said we were going, and she's like, Oh, are you going to talk about it in the podcast?

And my, like, she's never mentioned it before.

And I just visibly just like, like, my whole body clenched.

Wow.

I don't want anybody.

You are a podcaster, aren't you, son?

Still with your back there.

It was

It was like she caught me like

with the bathroom door open.

It shrinks as you get older.

You know that.

Yeah, why?

I don't know why, but it's such a major hang.

I have to have a pat answer, though.

Yeah.

Should I just say I'm retired?

Yeah.

Why not?

So you're retired.

I'm just retired, yeah.

Okay.

That's what I get.

From

working at a comic book store?

Okay.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, that's the easiest because then you don't have to be like, well, I'm a carpenter.

Oh, really?

What have you been working on lately?

It's like, oh, shit, now.

Yeah, I don't know why, but it just makes me gives me the heebie-jeebies, though, to even talk about it.

Yeah.

To people I haven't seen in 30 years and to my mom.

My mother always says, good luck.

Like, if I'm like, okay, I'm going to go do the show or whatever.

She's like, good luck.

She always wishes me luck for some reason.

Do you think you need luck?

Sometimes, good luck making it to an hour.

You don't do anything, son.

You fucking piece of shit.

56 minutes.

We're limping.

No ads?

No, no ads today.

I had to take off.

Yeah.

My podcast.

Take off from what?

Well, Tom, you've been using this taking off expression lately.

What do you got coming up, Keith?

Got four more weeks, brother.

Oh, really?

That's it?

Of

working on the season, and then.

How long's your break then?

Well, we don't have a deal for more seasons yet.

So we have to contractually have six months between seasons.

But I don't know.

I don't know.

Like, they've only just started the conversations because, once again, fucking Discovery got split off by Warner Brothers, and everybody got fired.

And there's fucking all new people at the network that we've never met before, and those are the people we're dealing with now.

And so it's just, I'm just like, just tell me when there's something I need to know.

I'm standing there.

Do you make an effort to be extra nice to those new people that come in?

Well, I make an effort to be nice to everybody.

I don't put it that way.

But I mean, like, do you go like overboard where you like send, like.

I don't even talk to them.

I, the last two turnovers, I've only met like two people from the network the entire time, and I was nice to them because they were nice, but I have no idea.

But you don't go out of your way to like, you don't bend over.

Well, they're all in LA, so it's like Walt used to.

Comic book man.

People were like, he's on the show.

Like, the execs would come down, everybody would be like, hey, Marco, how you doing, buddy?

You know, blah, blah, blah.

And Walt's over in the corner.

I want to talk to him.

I don't want to talk to him.

It's fucking talent.

Yeah, that's how I keep that fucking, that, you know, that mysterious allure.

Mystique?

You're on set.

You're in your zone.

They can't be coming over and fucking bothering you while you're trying to work.

I was like, I'm a fucking artistic.

He showed up.

That's how he was bothering him.

he showed up on set

i do though i'll watch i'd be like brian johnson like you know trying to make a million jokes in one one second trying to impress the fucking

hey marco it's me brian johnson

he's the one that i got into a fight with about the uh

the wire shirt and stuff.

He was the guy that wouldn't have let me wear my wire shirt.

Yeah, I ran into it, but it had with Marco a couple times.

Who won the fight?

We both did.

He wouldn't let me wear it regularly, but I was allowed to wear it when we went down to Baltimore, since that's where the show takes place.

I thought that was a good concession.

Okay.

Yeah, but we'll see.

But ratings are fucking great.

This is the best ratings we've had in two seasons.

So that's when the phone started ringing again.

When the ratings started coming in, they were like, how the fuck is this show gaining in ratings after all these years?

And I'm like, I don't know the answer to anything anymore.

So we'll see.

But anybody who's in the audience that has that Nielsen box, thank you.

I mean, it's really fucking shocking.

The only complaints I ever see about the show on Reddit is has nothing to do with you guys.

It has to do with, like, where's this episode?

Like, they take episodes down.

Nobody fucking knows.

It's all on HBO Max now.

Yeah.

And even that, like, we're in the top 10 shows on HBO Max.

So it's like, yeah.

So they, but, but when it comes to negotiations, they're like, it doesn't fucking mean anything.

Nobody cares about streaming numbers.

And then the second negotiations are are over.

They're like, holy shit, you guys are in the top 10.

That's fucking amazing.

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

It's just, it's all just a fucking scam, bullshit scam.

I mean, yeah.

If I end up not doing anymore, it's going to be because I just don't want to deal with this shit anymore.

Speaking of HBO Max, I started watching on HBO Max

Friends.

Oh, you started watching Friends?

Beginning, yeah.

Woof.

You told me you were going to do it.

What was that?

What was that?

Woof.

Woof.

I don't think so.

I really find it charming.

And it makes me long for, like, I have all these friends now, and none of them are like the friends on the TV show, though.

None of them.

Do you want friends like that?

I want friends like that.

Which one?

Well, I want a Chandler.

A Chandler.

I want a Ross.

Yeah.

You know, I don't have any Chandlers or Rosses in my life.

You have a Reed Richards over there.

There's nobody that

acts like him on fucking Friends.

The one where they had to call the police.

The one that ate fucking ransom fucking salami.

I can't believe you don't like it.

It was like one of the greatest historic shows in the 90s.

Dude, I don't like to, you know,

I don't want to shit on anything that people enjoy, really, but like, I remember when it first started, I was working a blockbuster video.

Yeah.

And the fucking amount of friends merchandise we had to deal with.

I was like, I'm like, I'm looking at these six fucking morons all goddamn day.

I couldn't take it.

And then anytime they would show the clips.

I used to talk to a guy who worked at Giant Solomon Pops.

Yeah, I know.

You retired, though.

They would show the clips on the TV in Blockbuster, and it would be like the same corny five jokes on over and over again.

And then I'd have to sell a friend's calendar and I'd be like, get the fuck.

That was a different BQ, though.

That was a BQ I'm glad I never met.

I was so jaded and so fucking sour.

Oh, you met him.

Yeah, you knew him.

You can't enjoy the.

I don't want to say it's innocence.

Yeah.

Because it's not.

It's still kind of little body of a innocent friend's joke of the 90s where it's not so...

It's not heavy at all.

It's just like eating

like

a gummy bear.

I'm not hating on it.

You can't fill up on gummy bears.

Dude, it was also that era where I never watched Seinfeld until like five years ago.

Like, it was just that era.

Where I was,

he's looking for it this week.

Well, having not seen Friends, I can't argue with you, I guess.

I've seen both.

Yeah, and you like Friends Better.

What do you like Friends Better over Seinfeld?

I just love the

I love the characters.

They're not too heavy.

They're not as quirky as some of the characters on Seinfeld.

So you don't want a Kramer or a Jerry or Elaine or George's Friends?

And they're better actors, too, I think, than the Seinfeld cast, especially Jerry.

I could give you Jerry, I guess, but like

George is great.

I mean, she's good to Louise Dreyfus.

Yeah.

You know what?

There's room for both.

There's room for friends over Seinfeld.

Sure.

It doesn't have to be either or.

I'm not saying it does.

Well, they were in the 290s Titans, right?

And anything I've seen that cast in and other things, they've been great.

Like, what's his name on Curb was fucking awesome.

Oh, David Schwimmer?

Schwimmer was very good.

Oh, yeah, he was good on that.

And he was good in Band of Brothers.

So I don't have any, and I don't have any hate in my heart for friends.

I just never watched it at all.

I like them all separately, I think.

Yeah?

I think I like them all separately, but together, yeah, I just can't get something about it.

They meet at a coffee house every episode.

episode, that's their central perk, yes, and

they come in and their conversations are so witty and engaging.

And when I come into the office, I want that kind of witty and engaging combos.

I don't get them, no, you know, I don't get that.

I think that's maybe why I long for a Ross or a why don't you give them the subjects ahead of time?

I'm going to come in tomorrow.

We'll meet at the table like we do every morning.

Then you surround yourself with with like

Toms and Jimmy the Hair guys.

And like none of these guys would ever show up on Friends.

You know, who's the most friends-like friend I have?

Frank Five?

Johnny the Law, man.

Oh, Johnny Law.

He would fit on the cast.

Nobody in my life fits on a cast of Friends.

Johnny Law would.

Johnny Law would.

He would be banging Rachel for like half a season.

He would fit right in.

And, you know, that's why I wish that he lived in New Jersey rather than Boston.

Yeah.

You're right.

You're fucking right.

Wow, there's no one else we got?

Nobody.

Fuck.

But we have a lot of Seinfelds.

We have to have that fucking George Costanjas.

A lot of Costanjas around here.

A lot of Kramers, too.

Wow.

All right.

Yeah, I think you're right about Johnny Law.

I'm straining to think of people in town.

Could Ming be like a neighbor, like a downstairs neighbor who's like a little wacky,

but ultimately friendly.

He would be the guy they talk about behind his back, though.

Right.

They think he's stealing their Amazon packages or something.

No, Ming.

You don't know.

He lives alone.

He would creep all those three girls out so badly that.

I didn't think about that.

The whole episode would be like trying to avoid Ming.

Yeah.

You're like, he's not gay enough to be a platonic friend, but he's too gay.

I don't know, man.

I saw him.

It tastes funny.

Nobody's running from Ming, man.

That guy's a superstar wherever he goes.

Sure.

It's a Maverick.

Yeah, he's the Maverick.

He's a Maverick.

That's for sure.

So is there an episode of Friends that you suggest?

It's only in season one.

Okay.

If you find one that you're like, this is the one that I should watch.

This is the one that Brian.

I'm talking about you.

Yes.

I will give it my.

When you talk about yourself, you call yourself Brian?

Should I call you Brian?

I've never called you Brian.

I get called that.

It doesn't matter to me.

Yeah.

Q.

Q.

I like Q.

But if you find that one, I know the one.

Yeah.

And I'll watch it with an open heart.

Here it is.

Yeah.

Oh, you know it.

I know it already.

From season one, you know what I mean?

It's what made me do the deep dive.

Okay.

There's the episode where they stumble upon a tape from their high school prom okay

and

um

the dude who wants to to get with um the real the real hot one jennifer anniston yeah the one that wants to rachel yeah rachel okay he is um her boyfriend stands her up for the prom so his dad tells him to go upstairs get your suit on and you can still swoop in and take her to the prom

and it is both heartbreaking and

funny.

Okay.

Before he gets downstairs, he's hurrying up and getting ready.

The boyfriend shows up and they walk out together.

He's just standing there as his father's videotaping it.

It's fucking heartbreaking, but also like really well written.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

I watched it.

It reps your heart out, but then makes you laugh about it, though.

Right.

Yeah.

It was well done.

His expressions were.

Who's playing the dead?

Yep.

Ellie Cool.

Nice casting.

Can you imagine being one of the people?

I mean, maybe it wouldn't have been the same show.

Who knows?

But there are people who turn down friends.

What do you mean?

Like actors and actresses who probably got these scripts and were like, I don't want to be on this show.

It has to have happened.

Were any of these six actors?

I think so.

Jennifer Annis was there.

Yeah.

There's a famous photo of them on a private jet

to Vegas, I think, just before the season premiered, and the network got them the private jet or something and said, Enjoy the last time you'll ever be able to go to Vegas without being bothered.

And it's like you see, they look like children on the plane.

Oh, man.

And

that's when networks did cool shit like that.

Yeah, there it is.

First day on the set, last day on the set.

That's like flying to Vegas or something

before.

Lisa Koudra is definitely an

undervalued comedian.

Oh, she's a good one.

She has some shows that are so fucking good.

Yeah.

So why won't you do The Friends Dive then?

I can't do it.

It's like them together.

I thought so, too.

I thought it was too pretentious and douchery,

but I found myself being like,

it really makes you.

It feels like somebody buying a pair of crocs.

At the end of the day, though, it's great.

Like you turn off your brain and you watch some vapid television.

I've been doing that with Three's Company lately.

It's the same fucking show every single time.

It's great, though.

Every episode is a show.

I've been re-watching Ash vs.

Evil Dead lately.

Oh, that's a a great show.

I fucking love that show so goddamn much.

Why did they cancel that?

Who fucking knows?

Because everybody's an asshole.

Yeah.

That's why.

It ended so cool.

It did end on a cool cliffhanger that also serves as a nice send-off for the character, so it's fine.

But I wish they had made more.

I can't say Tom Steve Dave on that.

I fucking love Bruce Campbell.

Tom Steve Dave.