#614: Hawk Q’uh

That's his middle finger.

In 2025, somebody else is going to have to take control of him because I can't do it no more.

I'm not fucking around.

Yeah, he's too much to handle.

Yeah.

But I'm the Sven groupie.

People didn't get excited about that?

Like, people weren't celebrating it?

You know,

yeah, sure they were.

I remember this combo came out the night the love boat aired.

There it was on the spinning rack, just waiting for me.

Oh, this is getting depressing, man.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Hello.

I'm not here with Q.

Q's far, far away.

The mythical land of Staten Island.

Yes, Staten Island.

Zooming in.

Well, had to zoom.

Stream yarding in.

Yeah.

Let's give credit where credit's due.

What did you do for Halloween?

Anything fun?

I know that you had some plans and then they fell through.

Yeah, no, I did.

You know, I had the old familiar,

went to the Halloween parade,

ran around, having some fun last night.

It was great.

I mean, warm.

It was like 80 degrees, you know?

So everybody was just feeling fine.

Everybody was feeling great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

It was nice.

It was fun.

Walt, you do anything or just hand out candy?

Did you hand out candy to anybody?

No, nobody came to the house.

Do you you buy candy?

Yeah.

You still have to do it.

My wife continues to buy it every year, but inevitably it's just a full bowl that sits on the counter that never

gets a hand in it until it gets thrown away.

Yeah,

I went to Pam's, and she had what appeared to be a laundry basket full of candy for the kids.

I'm like, look, in years past, you know.

Kids have not come by here, except for maybe, maybe 10 kids.

Maybe.

that's a high estimation.

Um, but again, like your wife, she insists on like, and Edgar too.

He's like, make sure there's enough candy for the kids.

And even when I got there, I was like, I was looking at it.

I was like, I'll take a piece of candy.

So he's just like, no, daddy, that's for the kids.

I'm like, can everybody calm down about the fucking candy?

There's enough to go around.

I mean, it's just part of it.

Buying the candy is part of it.

You know, they're more doing it for themselves than they are for the neighborhood kids, I think.

Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah.

I rediscovered because there's a lot of businesses in Manhattan that just have that candy out front and the kids are trick-or-treating.

It's kind of nice.

Nerd's candy, man.

I probably had like

five to ten times the recommended limit yesterday.

Every time I saw a nerd's candy, I had to fucking down one, man.

It was great.

You had a month's worth in one day.

Yeah, it was pretty gross.

But even as I discuss it right now,

I wish I had more.

It's my favorite candy, man.

uh you all right waltz yeah look i'm not sure yeah what's going on over there i think waltz hey what's going on walt's been knocked silly by giddham's lunch

oh get him get him brought in some pulled pork and it does look i gotta agree with walt in as much as like it does look like dog food like in a like i'm it's a pulled pork with rice and it definitely has a definitely has a scent about it So I think Walt might have been thrown off his game a little bit by this

pulled pork.

Now, Giddam.

I love the consideration, though, right?

Isn't it nice?

Isn't it considerate?

That's what I was just about to say.

I'm like, he knows you so well at this point.

He knows what bringing to this.

Oh, that's his middle finger.

That's his middle finger.

In 2025, somebody else is going to have to take control of him because I can't do it no more.

I'm not fucking around.

Yeah.

He's too much to handle.

Yeah.

Really?

Yeah.

Oh, well, what sort of responsibilities does the next handler have?

Like, what's the problem?

You guys are going to have to figure it out.

I can't.

Yeah.

I I mean, can we just fire him?

Is it?

Well,

I'm not sure if I'm the guy.

I couldn't get him to come over and hang pictures in my house.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

Wow.

This can't just be because of the pulled pork, can it?

Like, this is

something more.

Could be final straw, Q.

You never heard of that?

I have.

I've experienced it.

You know?

Wow.

Pulled pork.

You pulled it just a little too far.

Where the fuck did he get pulled pork?

Did he pull that pork himself?

I don't think so.

No, where did you buy it?

Local Dominican place.

A local Dominican restaurant.

Not next to Fantasy's.

Okay.

Okay.

What used to be hamburger patties?

Okay.

What used to be hamburger patties right next to Fantasy's is now a Dominican restaurant that sells this kind of thing.

That get him frequents.

I guess so, yeah.

Right.

I've never eaten pulled pork.

Basically, because I don't really like pork and the smell.

Are there seats?

A little too much?

Yes.

Okay.

There's seats.

Why can't you just fucking eat it there?

Okay.

Do you want to defend it?

What do you mean?

Okay.

Okay.

Is this the first time I've mentioned it?

Is it the first time I've mentioned it?

Yes or no?

You've mentioned many of the things that I eat.

Is this the one that I always say smells like dog food?

Why are you doing it?

I've only had it once here before.

That's a lie.

That is a lie.

No, it's a fucking lie.

But you said the same thing about when I would eat

pork-fried rice.

Okay, it's got pork in it.

Okay, then, all right.

All right.

So it's technically, it wasn't the same dish, but technically it smells like the same piece of shit.

But it's entirely two different entire types of cooking.

One's Chinese.

I don't care what it is.

But you could eat it there, though.

Okay, I will eat it there from now on.

I didn't even know.

It's an option.

I didn't know they had seats there.

That does seem to remedy the problem, though.

I've had multiple different seats.

Plus, you get a little bit of time out of the office.

You know, you get to

take a little break.

Yeah,

he's overtaxed here.

He needs a break.

He's sweating.

I see it.

He needs it.

Definitely needs a break from the office.

Well, I was thinking more of a break for you

from the pork.

Wow, I wish I was there today, man.

God damn.

God damn it.

I could see the tension over the Zoom cam.

It's nice.

Trail yard, wherever the fuck this is.

Stream yard, yeah.

Stream yard.

Wow.

If I had a knife, I'd cut the tension queue.

It's pretty crazy.

All this over some point.

You know what?

If I hate to say it, I don't want to

pile on, but if we had windows, we could open some windows.

Well, they built the place without windows, which is a problem.

The whole place.

There's 11 months left in the least.

If somebody wants to take up the fucking baton and start looking for a new place, with a window?

Go right ahead.

All right, get them.

I need you to start doing research.

Don't ask the guy who hasn't been able to find a place to live in the last six years.

We are, yeah, unfortunately, the lease is up in next October.

So

if this pulled pork incident had happened in August,

things may be different right now.

The October pulled pork incident.

The October surprise.

That's what it's listed at at the restaurant.

Who knows what the fuck's in it?

Jesus, man.

Wow.

So

this is what you're dealing with over there today.

Yeah.

Well, not me.

Was it like this when you walked in, or there was this tension when you walked in between Walt and Giddam?

Well, I got to say, like, I walked in and I smelled it, and I didn't know what it was.

It was overpowering.

I'll admit, it's overpowering.

But as I mentioned it, yeah, I could tell Walt was none too happy about it already.

Yeah.

He had to bring Teddy for a walk.

Can you describe it?

Does it still smell like that right now in there?

I'd say there's a faint scent in the air still, yeah.

Can you describe the odor to our listeners so they understand what it is you're dealing with?

Well, I smell like very

meaty and spicy, like spices that I'm not familiar with.

Okay, what's the temperature of of the room right now?

Has the AC been going?

Is it a bit on the warm side?

I'd say it's cool.

Yeah, I'd say it's pretty nice.

So it's not like it's sweltering, plus the addition of pulled pork.

Right.

Which I know it's a popular dish.

A lot of people do like it.

I'm not one of them, but I'm smart.

Yeah, but Dyke is neither.

Well, he's a super smeller, or was.

I don't know if that's on his way back.

I don't think it's too much to ask for a little consideration.

You know, when it comes to these lunch meats and their odors.

Well, if you know it's going to be smelly you eat at the place maybe

I Don't know what do I know nothing we don't know anything.

I don't know about pulled pork.

That's for sure.

Yeah.

Do you guys want to talk about Halloween?

Well, we are

Halloween, so let's let's continue Halloween.

My favorite holiday, man.

Mm-hmm.

I want to say, first of all, thanks to everybody who recommended movies for me.

I completed my goal of 31 movies in 31 days.

I watched 31 horror movies that I'd never seen before.

People online were very helpful.

People

on the movie.

What was the gem of it?

The gem, I think, out of everything I watched, I liked the movie Oddity the best.

Oddity or Dale and Tucker vs.

Evil?

One of those two

really,

I thought were really worth it.

And then there were some that I was like, holy shit.

Tucker and Dale vs.

Evil is fucking great.

It's such an underrated gem.

You never saw it before?

I never saw it before, nah.

Because I'm not really into horror comedy, or at least thought I wasn't until I watched that.

And Sean of the Dead, of of course, is awesome.

Sure.

I mean, I think it just takes excellence in the genre to overcome that distaste for it.

But

man, when all those fucking frat boys start fucking trying to kill them and they end up getting, it's just the best, man.

It's so fucking funny.

Yeah, it was a good movie.

So thank you to everybody.

I think I have enough for the next couple of Halloween or next couple Octobers because people suggested so many different movies I hadn't seen before.

Now, do you remember a horror movie called Sentinel?

The Sentinel?

Yes.

70s.

Okay, I never saw.

70s, yeah, 77.

I noticed it on Max yesterday, and I started playing it.

I got about 20 minutes in.

I was like, fuck, I'm going to keep watching this movie, but I had never heard of it before.

Like a blind priest is like watching over this hot model, but he can't see her

because he's blind.

Yeah, it's pretty cool.

Yeah, I liked it.

You see the Sentinel wall?

I remember that, but I didn't think that was the premise of the movie.

Isn't that the one where she gets assaulted, maybe?

Is that the same one I'm thinking of?

I can't remember, but who?

Assaulted, like raped?

By a ghost.

Oh, I didn't get that far in.

I think I just maybe I only saw 10 minutes.

I'm thinking if

okay.

Yeah.

Oh, didn't it wasn't good enough to continue watching?

No, it was.

I was just, I got home last night from the parade and I was fucking exhausted.

You know, I'm not as young as I used to be.

Walt, you know, as you're walking down the street and you notice, like, it's around 10 o'clock, your feet hurt a little bit, you know.

How long?

How long had you been partying or parading?

I mean, I probably got to Manhattan around about

5:30.

It's a long time, though.

Yeah, got a little dinner, but it wasn't all partying and parading.

You know, caught dinner first,

met some friends for a drink or two, and then walked.

But

I remember days of yore, when the parade ended, it would just be

time to go from party to party to party.

And now it's just time to get home and watch Sentinel and fall asleep after 10 minutes.

On the way home last week, I was thinking about the ranc costumes.

You know,

which ones are you're not supposed to wear.

And it did occur to me, I didn't bring it up at the time, but I was wondering, the Hawk Tua girl, they were like, no overly sexualized Hawktua

costumes.

So my question is.

I wish you had told me that before the parade last night.

Oh,

I'll bet you you fucking fell flat, right?

You went as hawk to oversexualized?

I oversexualized her.

I had my tits out.

I was like, you got to put some hawk Q on it, right?

And then I'd freeze while people

just spitting on everybody's crutch.

Put some Hawk Q on it.

My question was, though, like, how do you over-sexualize a person whose entire bit is based on spitting on a cock and subsequently sucking it?

I mean, she, she,

she told, didn't show.

I I guess if you show the act

you know let's say you're walking around with it with a with a fake penis in your hand and you're like

yeah that might be an escalation that nobody wants to see I think have you ever seen on YouTube when I go to YouTube to listen to music I get

suggested other videos and they're like they're real short condensed versions are like little tiny like 30 second 40 second clips of other things.

And for the longest time, I kept getting clips of her podcast.

Oh, really?

The girl.

Talk to a girl.

I got to tell you,

she's pretty funny.

Like, in terms of their podcast, sounds like it's a lot of fun.

And it's high energy.

It's definitely high energy.

I've seen clips as well.

Yeah, and

it's definitely,

you know,

longing for that.

High energy fucking.

What's the name of the podcast?

I don't even know what it is.

I think it's Talk Tua.

Which is also pretty fucking clever.

Yeah.

She is really

smart.

She's really funny.

And

I was just like, damn, this is like, we are so ancient and fucking glacier-like compared to this podcast

that I saw clips of.

True, but I mean,

I would say it's a different style podcast.

I mean, she has to keep up that energy.

She has to keep up that laughing and shit.

And I did see like she's trying to move her way,

she's trying to move away from the hawk to stuff and the sexy stuff.

But like, if you watch her podcast, it's all she talks about is sex shit.

Oh, really?

Squirting and this and that.

To be fair, I've never listened to an episode.

I've only seen these small, condensed,

very small morsels of her podcast.

But her cleverness and her humor

makes me believe that she does not need to rely on that.

Like, she's legitimately funny.

She has a great personality, for sure.

Yeah, she's legitimately a funny person, and I think a lot of people would not think that, though.

Well, they wanna immediately you're like, okay, another viral person.

Let's let's welcome her in and then see she can see her way out in 15 minutes, that kind of shit.

But yeah,

I think you're right.

She brought her friend along for the ride.

Her friend is part of the podcast.

I don't know her name, but the friend that was with her when she actually did the original interview.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean,

I imagine that

that has

cooled down the whole hawk to a thing at this point.

And if she's still able to monetize it and still able to be a content creator off that

based solely on keeping people coming back week after week on her conversational skills, That's pretty impressive.

Yeah, I'm not sure what her audience is.

I mean, how large it is, is what I mean.

I don't see us ever being offered as a clip, like as a suggested clip.

Well, they put those clips up.

If we did video, we would have clips.

We have plenty of video.

Right.

It's all on Patreon, though it's all locked away

so nobody can see it.

But we could make clips, like Patreon clips, if we wanted to.

That's something to think about.

We can go into competition with Hawktua.

We'd lose.

Yeah, we definitely would.

We would lose.

I can't can't imagine anything I want to do less.

She would beat the pants off of us.

Yeah, and she should.

I mean, I haven't heard her.

She should crush us.

She has a store with hats.

We have a store with hats.

I know.

Oh, is that what it is?

180,000 subscribers.

I think we have about 12 to 13,000.

I mean, look.

She's got something that we don't, and that's being an attractive young girl with a great personality.

We're old men.

That's the easy way to say

why we're losing.

Talk to a

well, we don't have any.

If Q would get a viral moment, if he would like flip out on a cup,

he would flip out on a cop or something, you know?

Like, it has to be truly viral, not like something from IJ.

Like, he's down at the parade yesterday, and he's like throwing up and drunk and like pukes on a cop or something.

Needs to be more humorous than that.

Not funny enough?

Yeah, it can't be that.

It has to be cutesy.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I could try.

What's your finishing move?

No, no, you got to talk about

the other side, the other side of oral.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's what you're saying.

Lap and pussy.

That's what people want to hear from you.

Yeah, no one wants to hear you talk about giving ahead.

No, of course not.

You don't think anybody wants to.

Well, yeah, you know what?

I take that back.

There is.

Yeah, there is.

There's a second.

I don't know if it's going to land as.

The same as Octua.

Yeah.

Octoa's almost like, I was thinking about her today.

She's almost like a Gen Z Dr.

Ruth, you know?

Like

on her show, on her podcast, because that's all she talks about is sex stuff.

Wow.

At first,

I thought you guys were doing a bit at first, but you guys are really into this girl on her podcast, huh?

I mean, look, I'm not into it enough that I watch it.

And I watch, I see clips.

I've seen clips like Walt on YouTube.

But the stuff that I see, man, it seems like she's having a good time.

But the clips that they show, yeah, everyone's smiling, everyone's laughing, everyone's having like a granddaughter.

Not a plate-up pullbork in sight.

Oh, my goodness.

But maybe that's it.

We tried it with

comic book men and it fizzled.

But maybe tell them, Steve, Dave, we bring in a young

lass to, you know, to

bring

in a, there was a female comic book ben?

There was a girl that we tried, well, that they tried to bring in and integrate into the show, and it just sort of didn't work.

They never aired it, though.

Yeah, it was never aired.

And the girl was really nice.

She was sweet, but it just, you know, the chemistry just wasn't there.

Yeah, how could it be?

You know, it's like three old dudes and then this young 20-year-old girl who's into comics.

And of course, you know, if she was cast at every turn, we were going to be the daughtering old fools.

You know, like, we're never up, we're never with it or anything.

Regarding comics,

I don't know.

I'll fucking hang with any 20-year-old female comic book fan.

I believe you could, yeah, I believe you could.

Mike, too.

Only in comics, though, that's the only

subject.

Only in comics published before like 2005.

Yeah,

all this modern age stuff.

That's all good and fine.

Let's talk the 70s,

young lads.

She's like, I was born in the late 90s.

That's like you discussing the 40s.

I remember this comic book came out the night the love boat aired.

There I was on the spinning rack, just waiting for me.

Oh, this is getting depressing, man.

I'm going to start listening to Hawk 2 again.

Everyone's fucking jumping ship cue.

All the ants are now Hawk 2.

I don't know what their listeners' listeners nicknames are but yeah

it's the sound of a thousand ant tattoos getting covered by

saliva spet yeah

but hey you both like her that's good i like to see the positivity though you know i welcome i welcome the positivity you guys are displaying about her it's nice it's nice it's easy to be a hater It's so easy to be a hater.

Get jelly and be a hater.

Because the thing is,

you can't be jealous of and this is what i've learned over the years when i used to hate the kardashians it's like why be jealous of somebody that you were never going to be anyway

why be angry about them like who gives a fuck really and hawk to a man it was her moment she said something that resonated with a bunch of people and and it showed like in that in that brief moment it did show her personality shine through and that's why people like her she seems genuine you know even though now she has a team i'm sure with social media and those are the people that are clipping her show and putting it up and you know but we're arranging her about say it like that though you do have a dismissive tone oh she has a team well she does have a team

too though it's not like you know like you don't have a team at your disposal no she she has a team that's looking to make her money like our team doesn't like our team is like they're camera guys and they're sound guys like they're not like actively you think that talk to like she has a

I'm sorry she has a management team I know that I guarantee you though that her management team is the same age as us though so like we have no oh I don't know about that you think so Q

No, I don't think so.

They're younger, younger, yeah, for sure.

I think they're, yeah, most people that I'm running into in that in that game now, and even like when I pitch things in in Hollyweird, like, they're all 35,

all of them.

Um, so I would say that uh her team is probably like in their late 30s or something.

Because I have to be able to understand the demographic, and that's not something that older people do, I think, for the most part.

Yeah, like they've kind of graduated into like seasoned heads of

the management company and shit like that, and they hire all these kids to come in and be the new managers.

Yeah, that's probably the way it always was.

I mean, that's just how everything is, right?

Like

you need youth to corral the youth.

You can't have

they would not like if I'm hawked to his manager, but why do you need to youth?

Because

there's a whole demographic our age that

you that can be targeted.

It could be

Well, go ahead, Q.

No, I was gonna say, I don't, I don't think that people are like getting fired above the age of 50.

I just think that

those people are still in play, but it's just like everybody ages out, and new people come in.

You know what I mean?

I think we're on the cusp of this.

So many people got fired in the entertainment business in the past four or five years.

They're starting to hire young people in now.

So it's just a younger industry, I think.

And would you say that applies

to

us as well, this this podcast, as like we're on the cusp of aging out?

No,

you're lying.

You're lying.

You looked away right there.

You took your eyes, went down, and you were lying, right?

You looked away when you said that.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking to you right now.

No, when I'm not.

I was admiring my surroundings.

Is that a paint chip in the wall?

Is this on the floor?

I'm going to vacuum this carpet.

Yeah.

No, I mean, they can't stop us, Walt.

Like an effort to

not talk about things that

paint us

in an older

light.

You know, like, make a real effort to not talk about

the things that

just resonate.

immediately turn people off, you know, younger people.

Yeah, probably.

I mean, the people that are still listening, the people that listen now are like, I don't know how many new listeners we're minting on a daily basis, but I think they've been there for a while.

They've been there for the ride, and they're aging along with us.

They're going to age out too, though.

We need to get new

ants.

This week, I'll make it my mission to come up with some young topics that we can talk about.

And we'll put a

we'll see if we can compete with Hawktua.

I'll actually watch one of her episodes.

And you can't do it as a bit.

If you could do it and put some

true effort in it

and try to filter out all the comments that will

just make people realize, oh my God, I thought these guys were younger, but they're definitely older.

Right.

Yeah.

They surprise me.

Yeah.

We have to appeal to 20-year-old girls.

Oh, no, no.

That's too young.

But I think 30 years old.

That's old.

She is.

Yeah, I know, but

I don't think it's realistic.

I think maybe we should shoot for 30 to 35.

30 as a baby.

20s, I think, is that's the moonshot.

Are those the millennials that we've spent the past 10 years ripping on?

Now we're going to try and turn around a quarter of a year.

We need your help.

It's time for unity, millennials.

We need help, god damn it.

Come on, you pussy.

You fucking snowflakes, help me.

I'm not sure how big that rally is going to be

Chris Chris Ledondo's shaking his head right now and taking his headphones off and turning it down

trying to warn these assholes

So would would should

should we have voiced anything regarding the pork issue at the beginning of the episode?

Would that turn off

the younger crowd?

I think that's common courtesy.

I mean, no, no, I mean, just addressing it on Mike, though.

Like, talking about it as a subject.

Is this something that the 30-somethings are going to be?

Let's not do that no more.

No more pulled pork.

Like, I liked them.

I thought they were young until they started talking and bitching about pulled pork for a good 15 minutes.

One guy defending it, the other two against it.

I think the other guy said he got tuckered at 10 p.m.

Yeah, we got

to lie.

We'll edit a lot more out, though.

Yeah.

Anything that makes us look old or sound old.

Oh, no.

Why?

What happened?

Giddam just showed me a picture.

Like, it's almost talked to a Tuesday, and it's Hawk to a look at her, Walt.

She's dancing up a storm.

Oh, yeah.

And you're the best dancer out of all of us, so this is going to be you.

I don't think we should be on camera at all anymore.

No?

Yeah.

So we can trick people.

It has to be pure audio only.

That's moving with the times.

Wow.

So

the other thing about rancor that, and when you're right, you're right.

And Walt was right.

You know, every year I'm like, I just don't know.

I don't know that you have to tell people this shit anymore.

Like, I think everyone, it's been hammered so hard into everybody's psyche, like what you can and can't say, what you can and can't do, that you don't really need to remind people anymore.

I was wrong, Walt.

When you're wrong, you're wrong.

Somebody put a bad costume on?

Well, I have a couple of bad costumes here.

Somebody didn't listen to the Tell them Steve Dave 2024 Halloween Spectacular.

Definitely not these firefighters up in Canada.

At least they're not American.

They're not American, no.

Outrage.

After guests wearing KKK costumes attend Nova Scotia Fire Hall dance.

And here's a picture of them.

Well

There they are.

Full regalia.

Oh, cut that cough out.

That's going to make me me sound old.

How about the whole pause while you put your reading glasses on and just cut out?

I'm sorry, North Sydney, not Nova Scotia, my bad.

Okay, they're not dressed as ghosts, I don't think, right?

They're not dressed as ghosts with holes cut out for the eyes.

I just, I don't understand you.

I don't understand.

Yeah, I don't get it, man.

That is some

behavior that's that's

what's it called, when you're

sabotaging your self-behavior

to dress in that costume and try to

somehow pass it off as like, it's just Halloween.

Yeah, that's really questionable, and it feels like you wanted

something bad to happen to you because

there's no way you thought that.

Oh, you think it's a self-sabotage guy?

Yeah, I do think it is.

There has to be some level of that.

What strikes me about it is, like,

all right, if somebody said to me, you have to wear a KKK

thing for Halloween, I would be like,

what if I ran into

like a black person?

Like,

how would it make them feel?

You would just be like, so what am I standing there representing to this other human being one-on-one?

You know what I mean?

Like, what?

Well, it's

like feel that way.

Is it a joke?

Is it a statement?

Like, what is it exactly that you're trying to get across?

Well, what's the joke?

Like, that's my point.

Like, I don't understand what the joke is.

I get, look, I like things that are like, I certainly do it all the time.

I say fucked up shit just to make my friends laugh.

I don't walk around the neighborhood fucking throw, you know what I mean?

Like, screaming, like, weird shit at people to make them laugh.

It's just fucking bizarre, man.

That would be viral.

That would go viral.

One of your neighbors.

It would.

It would.

Let me get away.

Not as cute to talk to.

I just want more season of jokers on my belt, and I'll try and get that viral volume.

I'll give it a shot.

Yeah, then I'll try and get that viral moment for you guys.

But I just want to get this last one in.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah.

In a brief statement, the club's executive apologized to those who were offended or hurt by our lack of actions and vowed to do better in the future.

So I guess these guys...

Okay.

So the four guests, which were not associated with the fire department, were not only admitted into the dance, but allowed to stay.

Like, I don't even know.

Like, let's say, like, I'm having a Halloween party, and my brother Darren shows up in a KKK outfit, like, as a costume, or I think I would be like, dude, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

like, no, not even in my own home.

Like, I don't want, I don't want pictures of this circulating.

I think it's a bad idea.

Did somebody see you walking into my house?

Oh, no.

Open the door, just look left and right frantically.

Really?

Really?

Yeah, no.

weird

it's just such a bizarre choice i i i don't understand it i don't i don't get the humor side of it at all is is the thing right see here's somebody who was uh offended by it jason mclane who's black called the incident outrageous his father is a retired firefighter who worked with the fire department in north sydney what they did was hurtful to people and many would argue hateful

And

they said it indeed was, and this is where people need not to shy away.

It was a racist act.

I can't argue with the guy.

Hard to argue on that one.

Yeah, that's a tough one, yeah.

I mean, they're showing up an actual KKK.

You know, what are you going to do?

I mean,

even if there's one of them that's just kind of a fucking idiot and went along with his friends, it's kind of, you're kind of like, how do you not know better, man?

I don't know that I'm not sure I know three other people in my life that I could be like, hey, you want to go as a group costume?

KKK?

What do you think?

Three's a stretch.

You might be able to find one.

Yeah.

You might be able to dig up one somewhere.

Three would be tough, man.

Yeah, three would be hard.

I don't even think I like, I wouldn't even feel comfortable asking three.

I don't even know who I would take the shot at to be like, hey, man, I got a fun idea.

Like, people would look at me like, you're fucking with me, or you're crazy.

So they're keeping their jobs, those guys, or what's going on?

It seemed they're not associated with the fire department.

They were just guests.

I guess they were guests of somebody else.

But the question is: like, the second you see them at the door as a member of the fire department or whoever is throwing this bash,

the North Sydney fire department, you got to tell them, like, guys, no, you can't come in.

Get the fuck out of here.

What's the matter with you guys?

Yeah, like, I don't want you photographed in here.

I don't want you photographed outside the firehouse.

It's like, no.

Like, why would you think this is a good idea?

And you know, there was somebody at that party that brought it up and was like, it'll be all right.

Don't worry about it.

And now they're like, you motherfuckers.

I fucking told you.

I told you not to do it.

Yeah.

The other costume was

Diddy.

And

they said in rancor, don't go dressed up like Diddy.

Don't make any references to Diddy, a

alleged sex trafficker

and Perv and all this other stuff.

And

two individuals who are very young.

They look like they're like just, they're either seniors in high school or early college or something.

Here they are.

Well,

P.

Diddy, a white guy in blackface, and his girl is dressed as a bottle of Johnson's baby oil.

So I don't know if that's better or worse than KKK, or is it on the same level?

The Johnson's baby oil is no big deal.

Who gives a fuck?

No, it's all context, though.

Right.

When you're with a guy in blackface dressed up like Diddy.

Yeah.

You're not going to get the pass.

I don't think it's on the same level as a KKK

because at least with this one, I could be like, look, the guy thought it was funny.

I don't have to tell you.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I could at least be like, look,

I don't fucking think it's that funny, but like, clearly the guy thought it was fucking funny type of thing.

Whereas with the KKK, you could be like, I don't know what these fucking guys were thinking.

So

I think this one, I wouldn't be like, I'd probably be like, if they showed up to my house, I'd be like, dude, you can come in, but you got to take the blackface off because I don't want the fucking, that's the picture I don't want.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And that would, like, that, even though I don't care how much you trust people at your party, like, somebody's going to snap that to show their friend later on.

Then their friend is, their friend is going to get offended when it's sent to them.

Next thing you know, BQ's Black Chief Party.

Yeah, exactly.

Not Hawk QE.

Come on.

Not him.

Yeah, so it was San Diego State University these kids are from, and you can Google it if you want.

There was also another one.

There was, I think this was a second.

Why does my iPad never work?

Oh, here we go.

Hold on.

Open.

You can't say shit like that, though,

because

the youth of today can work their iPads with no issues.

I know.

I know.

I'm going to cut that part out.

You've got to cut that out.

Yeah, you've got issues.

I don't have X on my

lock my iPad.

I know.

I know.

If they go back, if we suddenly were youthful and they go back and search all the archives of TSD, where every time I have an electronic device, I'm like, why doesn't this work?

You're like, God damn it.

Smashing shit, going crazy.

Yeah, so that was Halloween, man.

That was Halloween this year.

Yeah, great time on my end, man.

I just love it so much.

Let's see.

Got a couple spots here.

If I can break.

Only two this week.

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All right.

Sounded pretty good, right?

All right.

That was great.

That was very youthful, man.

I know.

I like that.

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Nice.

And then we got, let's see, we got some sports talk here.

Unfortunately, Walt, I mean, Q, your Yanks lost.

Yeah,

I thought you would be in the shitter.

I thought you would be like

beyond, I mean, devastated, devastated, and you didn't really look all that out of sorts.

Yeah, we've been doing a lot of talking about it over here and texting and stuff.

So it's been like kind of a constant over here, just the complaining and the bumness.

So I'm just like, what am I going to do?

Drag down on to tell them, Steve, Dave?

Where would you put your number at in terms of how deep a depression you were to see them go down?

One being

10 being devastated.

I'll tell you what happened, Wallace.

I really fucking started to

think they were going to pull it off halfway through that game.

I was like, this is it.

They're going to win tonight.

Then they're going to do it.

They're going to win tomorrow.

They're going to force that game.

They're going to win it all.

They're going to be the first in history, blah, blah, blah.

And it was like, I did.

I fell for the whole fucking thing, man.

You know, and then they started making those shitty errors.

Did you watch that game?

I've seen a lot of the highlights.

Yeah, and it was like, I just felt it like, you know.

But the Dodgers, I mean,

they cut through him like a fucking knife through butter.

It was terrible.

The Mets put up a fucking hot, a harder fight than the Yankees did.

It was pretty dispiriting to see, man.

Yeah.

But

how long do you give yourself?

Like,

what's your,

like, how many days do you say, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to grieve for this many days, but now I got to carry on.

I got to wash it away.

Well, I think it's more, it's not really like wash it away.

It's more like

turns into positivity about next year.

Really?

And I try and do that immediately.

I try and do it immediately.

I try and be like, let's hit next year.

Next year is the year.

Like, you know, just do it, man.

You know?

So that's the Yankees.

You weren't too upset then.

You know, the games, it was a fucking, you know, my heart got broken so fucking hard, like, in those initial losses, that you're just like, this is, we're gonna fucking lose.

That's the problem.

Like, once you go down that fucking hard, you're like, well, there's no way we could win.

And that's kind of depressing.

And then that one game where they won.

That's what I'm saying.

I took the roller coaster ride and everything.

So, what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna fucking do, man?

I can't be screaming.

I can't be screaming on.

What I want to do is take Aaron Judge out to lunch and just be like, hey, man, everything's all right.

Don't worry about it.

Next year's you, next year's the year, but you know, you struggled a little bit in the postseason.

Have you reached out through anybody, like mutual people that you know somebody who knows him?

Have you tried?

That's how I see it done in the celebrity world and especially the athletic world.

You know somebody and then they tell somebody and then these these

big wigs become friends.

I guess the thing, though, is like he's probably feeling pretty bad right now.

Yeah.

You know, I don't know if now's the time to like

be be like hey bud why don't we put your fucking why don't we split some you know

some uh wings and like chill the fuck out you know what i mean like i don't know if now's the moment he's probably feeling pretty bad about himself you know i don't know if i was him though and

somebody from your world especially with with the good vibes and the humor and the

youthful optimism levity that you bring with the jokers

that could just be the medicine that aaron Judge needs right now.

It's like

a one-on-one with an impractical joker

could really like kind of

put things in perspective for Aaron.

You know what?

You're absolutely right.

I'm going to reach out.

I'm going to do it.

I am going to do it.

I'm going to reach out to the guy and see if he wants to just get some lunch.

Maybe I can make him laugh.

Maybe I could turn that frown

upside down.

You know what I'm saying?

Is that a lot of pressure, though, on you, though?

Are you putting too much pressure on yourself?

You know, I think I could do it.

You know,

can't be afraid of pressure, Walt.

That's an old man's game.

What?

Would you talk about baseball?

Yeah, nice.

I want to take his mind off baseball.

I want to talk about other things.

You know what I mean?

Like,

I want to just let his mind drift into

other areas, fertile areas for happiness and joy.

Let's cut the bullshit.

You saw me drop that ball.

What do you say?

And I'll be like, he's all like aggro with him about it.

Let's cut the nonsense.

You saw me drop that ball.

You got it.

I did.

I saw it.

I saw a lot of people saw it.

So what do I do?

Well, listen.

How do I come back from that?

What the fuck do I do?

How do I come back from that?

Just take a couple of weeks, Charlie.

Don't even think about baseball.

Don't worry about it.

Take a couple of weeks, bro.

Check out.

You know, know, take a little me time.

Okay.

Hey, Larry.

Is Larry?

You're Larry judge now.

Aaron is dead.

You're Larry.

I would send him like.

Slowly backing away.

I would download all the Hock Tooie, the Talk Twoey episodes, give it to him on an iPad, just be like, I want you to take some time, listen to the positivity of this girl,

how energetic she is.

That's what you need to do, Larry.

You need to become

the Hock Toue girl of the Yankees.

You know, you need to have fun.

You need to get out there and forgive yourself.

Like, you know, a whole pep talk for the guy.

Okay.

You know, we do some light and practical joking.

It'll be great.

He's like, I don't know, man.

I can't go on.

No, I mean, now you know, he's admitting that he's contemplating suicide to Q.

I'm like, look, bud, like, we all saw that you did not fucking really.

I know you're feeling like you didn't carry your weight this postseason, buddy.

What does that mean?

I'm just saying.

I never said that.

I just dropped the ball.

The fucking sun was in my eyes.

All right, it was a night game.

All right, I know.

All right.

I'm sorry.

I thought when you said drop the ball, I meant like in terms of expectations against what what you actually fucking delivered.

You think you dropped the ball?

No.

Well, yeah, I guess.

It looked just like I asked you when I said, Is our

tele Steve Dave's time in the sun done?

You had the same

distracted look.

Where's that waiter, anyway?

Who do we know again, usually?

How did you get my number?

Why am I here?

Goes that south.

Oh, man.

That was a fucking.

What are you going to do?

I think the Dodgers were just unstoppable, dude.

I think, you know, there's just, they were just firing on every level.

They had the team chemistry.

You know, it was always going to be very hard to beat those guys.

It's so disappointing when you

give your heart to something like this that you have no factor in.

And I don't know why I continue to do it, but I foolishly

every season just

I rip open my chest and give them my heart

and

then get

proceeded to, you know, get it trampled and

spit on

are you talking about the pulled cork again no

I'm just talking about when you when you give your your heart to a sports team something that makes no sense because you can't alter it you you can't no matter what what magic superstition you've got going on whether it be you know you got different color socks on or you wore this shirt you know and they won this one it really at the end of the day that none of that shit matters it's all going to come down to the players nothing that any fan can do.

And yet we continue to

give our hearts to these strangers

and then watch them drop it.

Yeah,

it's a belonging thing.

It's a tribal thing, right?

It's probably wired into us.

What'd you think of those two fucking assholes who tried to rip that Dodger's arm off?

And the fan interference.

Oh, Mookie.

Yeah.

I mean, that was pretty fucking excessive.

I couldn't believe what I was seeing.

I was like, are they my thing?

I was just like, they're gonna hurt this guy they're gonna like pull his pull some tendon or something in his arm i can't believe that they would not let go of his arm that guy's a hundred million dollar arm and they're yanke

right like i couldn't believe what i was seeing it was nuts it was nuts what about how do you

combat some of the some of the people who are on the yankee side being like well that's what they should do they're they're there to try to make him drop that ball

well remember that happened in another game where a dodgers fan caught the ball.

And I don't, I think if that call had gone in the other direction, the Yankees don't lose that game.

Well, the Yankees, I'm surprised you have this.

I'm actually, I want to applaud you right here.

Now, I want to get up here and really give a moment to

really

applaud your thinking on this and how you're

coming down on what these fans did.

Because I remember back in the 90s when Jeter was on the team.

Remember that game where a kid took the ball out in center field.

It was going to be

a catch, but the kid leaned over.

It was a kid who took off school.

He skipped school.

He caught the ball and they counted it as a home run.

And that kid got to go on the parade with the Yankees.

Really?

Yeah.

So

I was surprised at the backlash

for this on some levels because I know how ignorant Yankee fans are.

So I assume that all Yankee fans are going to be defending this clown the way they defended this kid.

That was it against Baltimore in like an ALS or

championship.

It wasn't Rock Series.

That kid didn't do anything that could hurt a person, where I think what those fans did by not letting go of his arm, like that's really dangerous to do this to a guy who's a professional athlete, I think is the difference to me.

All right.

Okay.

Yeah.

Like if they just snatched the ball from him, I'd be like, hey, man, that's fucking baseball.

And, you know, it just would have been what it is.

But when you're grabbing a player and yanking on his wrist and shit, that.

They said that kid, when he became of age, would never have to buy a drink in New York ever again.

That kid who took that home runway.

Yeah.

And they took that out away and made it turn into a home run.

Yeah,

they did a follow-up story on that kid a few years back, I remember.

And I think he was still riding high off the acclaim at the time.

So those guys, those cats who did that in just this last week,

could they be blamed for like they saw their chance to have this level of

their five seconds where they would become cult heroes in New York?

Dude, I'm telling you, if the fucking Yankees came back from 03 and they won that series, those guys would have been on the parade boat.

You know they would have.

I don't know if they're going to be able to.

They would have to go to game five, though, right?

I'm telling you, though, those guys would have been, that would have been the turning point.

They would have said, that was it.

That's when the fucking script flipped.

I don't think so.

I don't think that they could give that to people who actually physically put their hands on a player.

You got to draw the line somewhere, you know?

You've met Yankee fans, right?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Yeah.

Another sports question I had for you at Q, I don't want to really give the name out.

I don't want to

stir up any trouble, but what seven-time

Super Bowl winner used language that was so ugly and repugnant that he was forced to apologize.

Tom Brady?

Oh, I don't know.

On a hot mic person?

Not hot mic, no.

He said, I'm surprised you didn't hear about this.

No, I'm telling you, I haven't been, I've been kind of out of the, off the grid

for like two weeks, yeah.

Have you, did you, Walt?

Did you get a chance to see those really aggressive Tom Brady commercials about him being an announcer and people not believing in him?

Yeah, yeah.

Aren't those odd?

I saw

the first time I saw it.

that's called that's the chip on your shoulder that you have to have once you lose that chip you might as well just crawl into a grave

just crawl curl up in the fetal position and let them put the dirt on you because that once that chip is gone it's time to just call it a night

i'm just like who

it's over johnny

who

like what who is he talking to in that thing like every fucking said anything every talking head every oh my god you're crazy.

Every talking head was like, he's not worth the money.

He thinks he could just stroll in as a player and become an announcer.

It's not that easy.

You know, who does he think he is?

All the naysayers, all the critics.

Yeah.

And so he made a commercial that directly challenges and addresses them.

Maybe that's what you should start doing around here.

You know, start making little videos against criticism.

Take a page page out of Brady's book, you know.

He got caught cussing somebody out?

Well, not cussing, but he used a term that I guess was raising some eyebrows.

And this is the quote.

He's talking about,

he said this on a broadcast towards the end of the first quarter while Buffalo had a

seven-zero leader in Seattle.

Sometimes he played like a spaz, like a grade schooler on a sugar high.

But now he's controlled the chaos.

He's like a storm coming into town, and you don't want that storm coming into this town.

So is the word, the S-word, is that the word this is not the first time we've heard this that spaz is uh spaz is on the list of

you know remember revenge of the nerds how they said spazz about 500 times well the revenge of the nerds is 1982 uh 84 i believe more recent

it's so out of it's so old-fashioned i don't see how anybody's getting upset about i blame the network

the network has to supply him with a list of words weekly updated that he cannot use

He's got to memorize too much shit.

He's got to memorize all the players' names, all the plays.

Now he's got to memorize all the words he can't use that he used to be able to use last week.

I agree.

I agree with you.

Although

I don't think you should stop using the word.

You're describing society right now.

It's an offensive to some as it's considered to be an ableist slur used for jokes and metaphors to dehumanize those with disabilities.

Now, I disagree, man.

I mean, I think that's in the UK.

I believe that calling somebody a spastic is like calling somebody a retard here.

Yeah.

I believe that to be true.

But in America, it's like spazz.

Like growing up, it always meant you were just uncoordinated.

Come on, you spazz.

I'm not angry that the word is now off limits.

I'm just angry that there wasn't more of a PR movement to let everybody know, though, because if you're going to keep that shit a secret, then don't play the gotcha game if somebody uses it, though.

Let's get it out there so I know I can't use it anymore.

And I won't.

Now you're done with spazz?

That's it.

It's over.

It's going to be the title of this episode.

It's like your favorite word.

I've never used that word.

You've never heard me say that word.

I know someone right now, curator, probably.

Yeah, he's like, oh, actually, what episode I said it in.

I probably have used the word, but I won't any longer.

Right.

Now that I know.

All I need to know is the fuck.

I just need to know.

Well, doesn't it depend depend on who tells you?

Or are you just listening?

You're listening to anybody.

It doesn't matter.

It does not matter who tells me.

If somebody says it aloud, okay, it's fine.

I won't do it in the morning.

You got no chip on your shoulder.

That's

a chip.

I'm going to listen to everybody.

Fuck you.

Tell me what to do.

Tell me what to say and how to think.

How do you like that?

I'm going to do it.

Shit.

You totally neutralized my argument.

I didn't know that Lizzo.

And speaking of that, man, yeah, I got a lot of...

Lizzo.

Well, before you, I mean, speaking of words and things, I said something on the Halloween episode that got a lot of angry emails.

I upset people.

And

that is never my intention.

I was making a joke about the fetus joke and everything.

I truly,

the last thing I want to do is make people upset when they're listening.

I don't even remember it.

Oh, yeah.

Never was the fetus costume.

Yeah, I mean, I guess a joke or something.

So I won't make jokes about that anymore either.

Spazzes and fetuses are.

That's all the young kids are joking about, though, are fetuses and shit.

Yeah, well, I got to draw a line somewhere.

I got to, you know.

Yeah.

They can handle it.

They're built.

You're saying the younger people can handle the words?

Yeah.

Oh, man.

How was reaction otherwise to the Halloween episode?

Did people like this one?

I saw people definitely liked it.

I saw some people didn't like it.

They're like, we've had enough.

But I'm the Sven Groupie.

People didn't get excited about that?

Like, people weren't celebrating it?

You know,

yeah, sure they were.

You know,

just like we're not aging at all.

Why are you looking down?

Why aren't you looking at the camera?

Where are you looking?

Wait, people had a problem with me being the Sven Groupie?

They felt it wasn't really earned that maybe Sven Sven Gooley gives you a little bit more

clout because he sees you, he knows what you look like, and he sees you on TV a lot, and maybe a little bit of star fuckery going on.

He did seem to favor Q a little bit.

Oh, my God.

Hell yes, he did.

You don't think I came up...

I'm the guy that came up with bullets of the blob shot into a Martian ship, and you don't think that that deserves...

He didn't even win that one.

That was when he picked you in that round.

I thought I brought the fucking fire, man.

But I do believe, though, at the end of the day, no matter what was said.

Herbie and maximum overdrive?

Come on, who the fuck can't nobody else on the planet came about?

The pulse of the ants and the pulse of the ants.

I got one from an insider ant who told me I got robbed.

Who?

What fucking robot?

I'm not going to betray him.

I'm not going to betray him, but he said, I got robbed.

He called it bullshit.

He said, I call bullshit.

He said, you got robbed.

Q doesn't deserve it.

Wow.

Talking about kissing ass and fucking sucking up.

Why do you think that was?

He's on the fucking ounce again now, Jimmy the Hair Guy.

It was not Jimmy the Hair Guy.

No.

Oh, it was Jimmy the Hair Guy.

It was not Jimmy.

It was fucking, well, I'm told differently, I believe it was Jimmy.

He does have a Svenguli fetish.

Oh, well, I liked it.

I had fun with that episode.

I thought it was was great.

Yeah, I thought it was fun, too.

I had someone tell me it's time to

get a new horror host in.

Like, why can't you get Elvira?

As if it's fucking easy to get Svenguli.

I know.

I saw you working on Getting Spenguli for months.

It's that easy.

It's that easy.

Oh, I can just pull it on Elvira.

You were on our show.

Who is this again?

Yeah.

That's not realistic.

Just get Elvira.

Yeah.

She's doing that.

Just do that.

Yeah, what's she doing?

Yeah, especially around Halloween.

She's free.

Another team of yours, Walt the Lions.

Yeah.

Are you familiar with Goster Cherilis?

He was an offensive tackle.

He's not on the team anymore.

Oh, okay.

He's 40 years old now.

Oh, so it's been a long time since he played.

It's been a while since he played, yeah.

So this former NFL lineman urinated on an elderly woman, emptying his entire bladder for approximately 20 seconds during a Boston to Ireland flight, forcing the plane to turn around.

He pleaded not guilty to disorderly conduct.

He emptied his entire bladder out?

20 seconds.

Now, like, I don't.

And nobody moved?

That's my thing.

It was an old lady.

Well, it was a 70-year-old main woman who was sitting in seat 4C,

and then he came up to her.

fully exposed his genitals and began urinating on the elderly female, emptying his entire bladder for approximately 20 seconds.

He said he he was unhappy with his seatment in seat 3D, so I guess he was sitting right next to her.

Oh no, the

row ahead of her.

So

maybe this is why they didn't stop him.

He's 6'6 ⁇ , and 280 pounds.

The entire flight experienced extreme shock and alarm and were in fear for their safety.

The court favorable.

I thought air marshals were on every flight.

I guess not anymore, huh?

Not anymore.

I think only

special or, you know,

not every flight.

There's no way.

They couldn't afford that kind of budget to have him on every flight.

And would that warrant, you know, taking him down for that?

Like pissing on somebody for 20 seconds?

Maybe a taser at least.

Yeah.

Would you put the whole cabin at risk by, you know, shooting a gun?

Oh, yeah, you can't shoot a gun.

No, you can't.

No,

you taser.

Well, if he's a good shot.

Yeah, I still don't think.

Even if outgraded, like somebody ducks, next thing you know, there's a hole in the window.

I don't think you want to be firing a gun inside a plane.

I bet you they are armed, though.

Oh, the

air marshals?

Yeah, probably.

Probably.

But I think that's a last resort.

Like, if a guy's pissing on a lady, you taser.

No.

I think somebody would say, yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

The lady probably would say, yeah, shoot him.

But let's see.

He was argumentative about his seat, and he struck an old man, 68-year-old Utah man.

Oh, my God.

And then troopers verbally commanded him to leave the plane, but then when they turned around, but he became irate and uncooperative, and he was met by law enforcement.

Delta has

zero tolerance for all this kind of behavior.

We apologize to our customers, blah, blah, blah.

Now, he says that

the flight was unexpectedly delayed for approximately four hours.

In preparation for the expected overnight flight, I took a sleeping medication that I don't normally use, which resulted in behavior that is not representative of my character.

And I would like to apologize to the passengers and flight crew.

He also, he played five years with the Lions,

he played with the Colts, and with two years with the Buccaneers.

He probably has something like CTE-related going on.

Or the medication could have been Ambien, which makes people do really weird shit and then not remember it afterwards.

So that could have been it as well.

That's crazy.

What do you think?

The first thing I thought, too, was the CTE.

I was like, this is not behavior of any kind of normal person.

Let's say that you're on that flight with your parents, right?

Would you rather that guy hit your father or pee on your mother?

Hit my father.

I can't stand him.

Well, yeah, obviously.

Yeah.

I think I would rather have Edgar.

I think Edgar would be like, I'll take a punch.

I'll take a punch.

But a punch might kill Edgar.

It could at this point, yeah.

Whereas a little pee.

Not a little.

20 seconds is a long time to be pissing on somebody.

It could be an idea.

I guess you just sat there.

Like, I guess you just sat there not knowing what to do because it's so like, this is not something I expected to happen.

No, no, that is a very

shocking

chain of events that has to happen for that to

happen.

Yeah.

For that to happen to you, and then you sit there and be like,

why am I the one?

Maybe he was aiming for the guy because she was sitting right next to him.

The fucking worst is the guy all the way back in 27 that's like

just brought his family to Ireland to see the like the homeland for the first time, got vacation day, saved up, has no idea what's going on in the front of the plane, and they're like, shh, like we got to turn around.

Like there was an incident at the front of the plane and be like, what the fuck happened?

What do you think happened?

Well, some guy pissed on an old lady for 26 years.

I would fucking get his pot.

Oh, my God.

I would be like, so fucking what?

Let's keep going.

Dry her off.

Yeah, I'll give him my fucking shirt.

I don't give a shit.

Let's keep going.

Yeah, what do you do if you're the lady, though?

It's like, because

he just gets taken off the plane.

But her, she's now fucking saturated with this.

Probably maybe she can go.

If she's checked it, though, she's fucked.

Oh, it's not on the same.

Yeah, but they can't go down there and find her luggage.

Why not?

Because it's mixed up with everything else.

You've seen Die Hard?

I've seen Die Hard, yeah.

Yeah, that luggage is on the plane.

Okay, yeah, I know, it's on the plane, but to go into the luggage, to cargo air, no, when they go in there, they take it and they just throw it on the conveyor belt, and then then it's up to you.

You're not a guy who flies, so you don't know this.

But they take it out of the plane, they put it on the conveyor belt, it brings it down to the

carousel.

So is it on the plane, the luggage?

It's on the plane, but to go through all that luggage to find her luggage and be like, oh, which one's yours?

Oh, bring her into the plane with you.

Yeah, I don't know if that's legal.

Stinking a pee and shit.

She might have had to buy something at like a

at a souvenir stand or something, you know, in the airport.

I mean, she's drenched in piss.

Yeah, I think you got to bend the rules and let her down into the

let her down into where the port the portion of the plane that has the luggage so she can get a change of clothes.

I guess so.

I guess that's one that's one way.

Say, Walt, did you catch Giddam's reaction when Brian shut you down?

No.

When he was like, you don't fly, I do, you're wrong.

And you acquiesce?

Giddam looked a little happy about that.

He did like a little nod.

I think he likes to see you shut down over there, man.

Can you even see Giddam?

him?

I could see the top of his head.

I could see him nodding when you said that.

Nodding in agreement with me?

Yeah.

I don't like the tension in that office today, man.

Although, you know what?

I mean, you know what?

You're probably right.

I'll bet you what they had to do was take everybody off the plane because now it's contaminated.

It has piss all over it.

They probably have to either decontaminate it.

Get all the luggage off.

And then maybe she could look at her luggage off.

If it was like over the Atlantic Ocean

and they can't turn around, I mean, you got to just carry on, I would think.

You would have to, yeah.

But they turned around.

They brought him back.

Oh, they did turn around.

Yeah, they did turn around and brought him back.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Did it do anything for you to see that guy lose his hand to fireworks when he was celebrating the Dodgers win queue?

I did not see that.

What happened?

Oh, yeah.

Some guy was lighting off fireworks, and for some reason, he decided to.

And I see this a lot on video.

Like, guys who think it's funny to put like a bottle rocket in their ass and light it off or hold it in their mouth and light it off.

And then eventually.

You don't like sports.

I don't like sports, right?

Yeah.

So that's why you're like, I don't get why people do that.

No, no.

If your team wins, you'll do anything.

You'll celebrate anyway.

You'll blow your own hand off of fireworks.

Oh, my God.

The last time the Yankees won, I put a bottle of rocket in my peehole and shot it off.

I was so excited.

Yeah, I'm not sports-minded.

You're right about that.

So I don't understand the idea.

I just, people that hold on to fireworks, and then next thing you know, their hand is just mangled.

It's over.

Like, you'll never have the, you'll never have your hand again because the Dodgers won.

my favorite was like the interview with the dodgers i don't know if you caught this walt like how defensive they all were about the 2020 win yeah it was so funny like i don't wish to keep harping on this but you know we kind of got dicked over in 2020 like there were so many of them addressed it i thought it was really funny well that was the astros thing right

What's that?

Was that the Astros cheating?

That was the one where...

I thought it was the shortened season.

Yeah, it was more like the shortened season.

Oh, I thought

that was regarding the Astros winning the World Series, and they got caught with all the cheating scandal with the

shit.

He was referring to the win where they didn't get to celebrate, no parade, short season, all that stuff.

Okay.

Yeah, they were all kind of like

they got chips on their shoulders about it, man.

Yeah, that's what you need.

That's how you become a champion.

Yeah, you're probably right.

I had a story.

All right.

Okay, so

scientists say

a spider bite can give men erections for hours.

A certain spider.

Okay.

It's called the banana spider.

Yeah.

And it can provide new treatment for erectile dysfunction.

And I want.

Why are we still working on this?

Erectile dysfunction?

Yeah, it's like we have all the pills now.

Why is this something that's still like it's not good enough?

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't know.

I don't know.

Like,

unless you're like, hey, I tried Cialis, I tried Blue Chew.

I tried all these different things.

They didn't work.

So I'm willing.

Like, you know, as a guy, if none of that shit worked for you, they're like, well, a spider can bite you.

I'd be like, okay.

It's got to bite your ball sack.

All right.

I said, okay.

Did I stutter?

I said, okay.

Where's the spider?

Am I just sticking my

dick in the spider's web?

Am I going to ask the spider?

Am I going to face fuck the spider?

Just tell me what I got to do.

That is interesting that a certain.

How the fuck do you find that out?

Let's see what's going on.

Oh, because this spider,

whatever country it's from, I think it's Brazil.

I don't know.

Well, anyway, it's venom

causes

extremely painful urination and erections.

Well, that doesn't sound like any fun.

Well, that's why they're studying it now because they think that it could be the venom could be used to just cause the erections without the pain.

Hmm.

Yeah, it's Brazil, too.

Yeah, Brazilian researchers.

And I'm just like, well,

with Blue Chew and Viagra,

I thought they cured it.

So it was Concord.

I thought it was like polio.

But then again, you see a couple cases of polio every now and then, don't you?

In other countries?

You just can't take an extra dosage of blue chew?

I don't think, no, I don't think so.

I don't think it can just load up.

Cancer's still out there.

Why the fuck are we worried about boners?

Well, what if

boners have been well covered?

You're right.

Yeah.

But what if they develop a treatment that can permanently cure it from the spiders thing?

You know what I mean?

Or you do it once a month instead of taking it every time you want to have sex like a half hour before.

It will never happen, Q.

boner industry will never allow something that will cure it permanently.

Big boner.

You know that shit.

There is no profit in the cure.

There's only a profit in the treatment.

Yeah.

Very profound, Walton.

I didn't make that up.

The Hot Touhie girl came up with it.

But I'm just kind of like, Jesus Christ.

We're still working on this.

Well, what's more important to a guy, though, right?

These are probably.

I thought they had it covered, though.

I thought it was cured.

Not cured, but I thought there was a pill that you could take now.

Like, there is a treatment that probably spending money on this.

It has to work for 99 of the people out there so like yeah to know research a spider bite but yeah kia that's a good point like maybe if it's it's like as opposed to taking a pill every time you want to do it it's like it's a once-a-month treatment and you don't necessarily need to get bitten by the spider they would just like inject you with the venom or whatever

well maybe like you said it's 99 effective maybe we're back to that chip on that shoulder that guy with the one percent's like Fuck that, I can't get a hard dick no matter all the blue chew I take.

And he's got a chip on his shoulder and he's a champion now he's a boner champion all right okay but there's the other side of the argument how much

is worth investing in that 99.9

if only 0.1 percent doesn't work on how much money is worth investing in that for that one that little tiny fraction that it doesn't work on

well it doesn't mean that other people can't switch from cialis to spiderbite

They could, they can get the market.

It's a hot new boner drug on the market.

Right.

But how much money is it worth it to you, in your opinion, to spend for that small fragment?

I don't know.

I don't have a problem with getting a boner.

Well, I want to say that.

Well, Brazilian tax dollars are going towards us.

I just want to be very clear

that I'm very young.

That's it.

I'm so young.

I don't give a fuck about those old motherfuckers that can't get hard-ons.

It ain't my problem.

Grandpa, you had your turn.

I ain't got a care in the fucking world.

I'm doing fucking flips.

That problem is mid, in my estimation.

I hope we keep this bit going for a few episodes at least.

Because I want to research like young people shit and start doing it.

So you're in charge of a lab, Q.

Okay.

How much of your resources would you want to divert to this spider venom?

Well, I mean, look, if I can come to the market with a new boner drug that I own the patent to completely, I think that's worth a lot of money.

I think that's worth a ton of money.

Could you imagine the marketing marketing of having Marvel and Spider-Man be the uh

spokesman brand name?

Having trouble shooting webs?

Oh, like there's Mary Jane just wearing some fucking like lingerie on a bed and

whips.

And he's like, oh, I can't, oh man.

And then he like thinks and a spider crawls down his pants and bites him.

Yeah.

And then he just, yeah, that'd be amazing, dudes.

I don't know, though.

I just find it strange that in a world where there's so many more problems, that this is still something that is being studied, though.

Got to keep it up because they're always looking for something better.

I mean, sure, you have the pills, they work, but what if.

Don't they work?

Aren't they foolproof, though?

I don't think so.

Not for some people.

I mean, I think.

Really?

Yeah.

I think you have, like, not only do you have to take it, but you actually have to be excited too.

It's not like if you just take one.

Oh, I didn't know this.

This is news to me.

So you have to also be excited too.

Yeah, like if I just took one right now, I'm not going to get a boner.

But if I'm home and I take one, then, you know, and I'm messing around with the wife.

So

it's something that you can suppress if you're good enough at it.

I think so, yeah.

I believe so.

Secret boner.

That should be something like some sort of test, like the suppression Olympics to see who can knock at one.

Give them like they got to take a blue chew

and then still suppress it.

I remember there was this show that had a really, it was called Kenny.

Remember Kenny vs.

Fenny?

It was like two guys that were just fucking with each other.

When we first started Jokers, a lot of people were like, you ripped off Kenny vs.

Fenny.

So I was like, all right, well, let me check this out.

And it was actually pretty funny, but they did a bit where

they both got lap dances from like dudes with sexers on their dick to see if they moved at all.

And I think one of them started getting a boner.

It was like such a great, very funny bit.

It was pretty good.

You guys should rip that off.

Yeah, I mean, according to some people, we already have.

Well, I got to go pick up my car, boys.

They just texted me.

What was wrong with it, though?

Well, that's funny.

So, you know, the start-stop thing?

You know, you go to a red light, the car will stop.

Yeah.

Like, it'll cut the gas.

I hate that fucking thing.

And then for some reason, it stopped working on my Jeep.

And I was in a situation where I was so low on gas, I was like, fuck it.

I actually could have used it.

So I brought it into the shop to get that fixed.

Plus an oil change waltz.

Now, do you usually work on your own cars or do you always bring them in?

No, you don't have any.

You're not a grease monkey, gearhead Q.

No, not at all.

Not in the slightest.

You know anything about it?

Tires.

No, I mean, I could do basic maintenance.

I could change oil and shit like that, but I can't do anything.

I don't know why.

I thought you were good with under the hood.

No, in no way.

Am I good under the hood?

Terrible.

Good under the hood.

So, yep, so I only got 23 minutes to go pick it up.

All right.

All right, Q.

I guess tell them, Steve, Dave.