#612: Moe’s Revenge

You probably know more than me, right?

But um, probably.

It was uh

yeah

specifically in the groin and anus area.

Yeah.

Like if you do well for yourself, it's like, fuck you, you're still a dickhead.

Oh, yeah.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave, here with Walt.

Hello.

Not here with Q, though.

Q's Q's here, but not here.

Too busy hobnobbing.

He's hobnobbing, Walt.

No.

Yes.

I saw it.

I saw it with my very own eyes at the New York Comic-Con, hobnobbing with the likes of Ming Chen, Kevin Smith,

a box car full of kryptonite.

I saw it all.

What happened?

Well, all that happened, Walt, is I went to New York City Comic-Con for a few hours the other day.

But it was, it was, like, I'm going to tell you what happened.

And it sounds unbelievable to myself, so I completely understand if nobody believes me.

But like,

I went in the loading dock entrance, right?

Because that's what Warner Brothers is.

Like, you get the passes that they left me at the loading dock.

So the security guy is like, yeah, just go on in.

I walk into the Javit Center, in the bowels of the Javit Center,

in the loading dock, and I see the second I walk in,

I see one person and only one person in the whole fucking half-mile loading dock area, and it's Ming Chen.

It was incredible.

He's a ball in Teamster to try to get into the Comic-Con.

I'm a union man.

Fucking insane.

There wasn't even a Teamster.

This is how insane it was.

There wasn't even a Teamster to blow.

It was just Ming.

And I was like, what the fuck?

It was wild um so are you telling me he's just sniffing around just hoping that the so he sees somebody that it will say hey come in with me

no so what happened i got the feeling he's already inside right he's inside already yeah

he he knows the people that you know of course at this point he knows everybody that runs every con so he was just down there kind of helping his friend out as she was running things at the con.

So he wasn't working, but he was there with the workers.

Like, he was just hanging around.

It was awesome, but it was great.

You know, let me tell you something.

Nothing will get you mood up, like a fucking unexpected Ming Cheng sighting.

Yeah.

You know, yeah.

And then he, you know, then he walked me around.

He showed me everywhere to go.

He spent, you know, we spent time hanging out.

He introduced me to Denise Richards.

It was fucking fun, man.

Oh, yeah.

I heard you two were all slobbering over her, drooling and shit.

I mean, it's hard not to.

It's Denise Richards.

I've never seen her in real life.

She must have been.

Wasn't she married to the Tigerblood guy?

Charlie Sheehan.

Yeah.

Charlie Sheen.

Okay.

Why is is she a con?

What is she promoting?

I don't know.

We never kind of got into it.

I saw

the one person that I was...

I was there.

I was trying to find Bruce Campbell, but I couldn't miss up with him.

But he,

Walton Goggins with baby Billy.

Dude, he walked by me and

like I felt like Elvis walked by me.

I was like, oh man, I want to fucking I want to meet and talk to this guy so badly, but

I was too shy to go up to him

in that VIP area type thing in the back.

I just like,

he doesn't want to fucking hear from me.

You know,

he seems like a pretty nice guy.

Were you there for pleasure or business?

Pleasure.

Pleasure.

I just wanted to go look.

Yes, I want to see.

I bought a train car, like a model railroad car.

A miniature.

I don't even have a set.

Are you collecting now full-size train cars?

He's now an engineer

to build on your fucking sprawling fucking

50-acre fucking Q estate that now you have your own train.

It'll take you your own train into Manhattan.

You know what I really enjoy?

I really enjoy that, like, if you do well for yourself, it's like, fuck you, you're still a dickhead.

Oh, yeah.

You're talking a miniature, right?

That you're going to a miniature.

Yeah, like the Model Railroad.

I bought one from Lionel.

First of all, I was impressed, Walt, because Lionel Trains were there.

And I was like, I've never seen a

model train company at a comic convention before.

So I was like, wow, it's pretty cool.

So I started talking to them.

You know, I have this fetish about trains.

So I was talking to them.

And

they had, it was a boxcar.

And it says Lex Corp on the side.

And then they had put piles.

It looks like, you know, it's fake, obviously, but it's piles of kryptonite in the box car.

And then when it's on the track, it lights up green, like this

glowing green kryptonite thing.

And I was like, fuck it, I'll buy it.

I don't know how I'm going to power it because you need the tracks, but I fell in love with the, I started arguing with the guy, not arguing, but I was like, I was like, you know, there's not that much kryptonite on planet Earth.

Oh, yeah, exactly.

Why the fuck would they train it across wherever they have to bring it?

And it was open, too.

It's not even like a closed car.

It was an open box.

It's pretty fun.

I mean, it's

more valuable than anything on the planet to the right people.

And

they're transporting it willy-nillily across the country on a radio.

Yeah, like it was coal.

Coalbos are fucking exposed to that fucking radio kryptonite poisoning.

Lex Corp is fucking in shambles with all lawsuits.

Well, what we came up with on the spot was like, it's not real kryptonite.

Lex Luthor's just kind of being a dickhead to Superman.

And it's like propaganda.

So it rolls across the country, and Lex Luthor just shows it off.

But it's just a fuck you to Superman.

You know, that was the internal.

Go ahead.

No, that was the internal logic I came up with it.

But you know, the Lionel guy is when he went home that night, he's telling his wife, you fucking won't believe this.

I think this is a fever dream I had.

But the guy from Impractical Jokers just came up and started making a background story, fan fiction, literally, on the spot about why there's not before breaking my balls.

And then he wanted it for fucking free.

He just started walking away with it.

He thought he told me a story that he could just own it then.

He gets to take it.

It's a prototype.

A prototype.

This is mine now.

But you know, that's how it starts out.

By next Christmas, you will have a sprawling miniature train set up around the Christmas tree.

A little Q village.

That would be cool.

I would would like, you know, you say it.

I kind of like it, it sounds nice.

I like that.

You gotta have a little Justice League dream

and the dexterity.

How nimble are your fingers?

I know you're getting,

you know,

not that great.

I'm too old to put a certain thing.

She's like, I showed up for this.

You know, you're not a young bucket, right?

Trains are a young man's game.

Minutes are trades, especially.

You mean while fucking anybody under the age of fucking 70,

over the age of 70s is like, well, I didn't even know Lionel was still in business.

And I'm sure the guy must have been like, oh, you have a train?

He's like, no.

He's like, what are you buying this for?

I'm like, I just want it.

Yeah.

You got some comics, too I saw huh you got some comics yeah

well you know what I saw Walt was you remember the tangent universe oh yeah

so late 90s I haven't yeah I think it was early 2000

I could be wrong you probably know more than me right but um probably it was uh

probably

Well, now let's look it up.

All right, I'll just stand by it.

I'm almost positive it's late 90s.

There might have been two series, though.

I think there was a

two series, though, of Tangent University.

Right, originally in 1997.

Okay, all right.

So there you go.

So I bought the trade paperbacks for that first series.

Because I didn't remember it.

I literally, all I remembered was a tangent green lantern.

Right.

And I remember like that.

It was like the lantern, you put it on the grave and then the dead could speak.

Yes.

Yes.

Now that, you know what that was

motivated by right that whole movie no what

they saw how well the

that amalgam universe stuff sold when dc and marvel did the amalgam stuff and they're like well let's make our they can't do more amalgam stuff without marvel so they're like hey let's do some basically else worlds of um

our characters or and that's where the tangents if that's a lot of dan juergens artwork it looks like to me yeah that's what made me want to do it was i like the jurgens artwork, which I fucking loved, you know, this old Superman.

So, so I bought that and I got it for like five bucks a piece.

It was a steal for the trades.

Are they new?

Are they

out a while?

Oh, okay.

They've been out a while.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I got the complete first series of Tangent.

That was it.

That's all I got with those two things.

But I'm excited to dive into it.

Yeah, I remember that.

That's there was

the Green Lantern you're talking about was a female, as I recall, right?

Yeah, it was a woman.

Yeah.

Yeah.

And the Flash was like,

I was flipping through it, and The Flash is like a Dazzler-type character where she's like, and you can tell this comic was drawn in the 90s because, man, all the boobs are big and the costumes are skimpy.

So I guess.

So is like if does real world or does comics reflect the real world now?

Has the fake boob industry fallen on hard times in in the real world since you know, like people don't really

like that look anymore, right?

They don't like big chested women anymore.

No, I think that's

what you know.

You think that I think you guys are dinosaurs, though.

No, I think people don't like that don't like the depiction for some reason.

It's like if you

have uh boob implants or you just have naturally big boobs, I think people are fine with it.

But the second you commit it to like a drawing, they better be small.

Otherwise, you're a fucking misogynist.

Do you subscribe to that cue i just think people have just under it it's like

no i it's like a big belly to you it's gross what you're when was a big belly

well i met on a guy i met like a beard belly on a guy

yeah i think that uh that's that's you believing what hollywood has been trying to sell us for the past x amount of years i think

I think the the the rise of Sidney Sweeney.

I think Sidney Sweeney is going to save Hollywood.

I think the rise of Sidney Sweeney is showing people that, like, oh, that's right.

People like bombshells.

Yeah.

And they like cleavage still, huh?

Huh?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I'm going out on a limb here.

I'm going out on a limb.

But yeah, I can understand why.

In a world where even Lara Craft Croft, Lara Croft is getting breast reduction surgery and every new project she does, every new team raider, Tomb Raider is flatter than the one before.

I guess you can understand why you would believe that big boobs rap.

But I believe that there's a market, Walton.

I'm going on a limb here for

voluptuous women.

I do believe so.

But to defend the Tomb Raider thing, if there was a female Tomb Raider or something real like that, she would have to have a, she could not roll around squeezing in Kersplunking.

Is that what they call it?

Spelunking.

Yeah.

Like, you know, she could get caught so easily between two

very close rocks with that.

She could not traipse around into the most dangerous of tombs with

giant tits.

With those fucking.

She just gets stuck in between two rocks because of a tits.

It doesn't make sense.

Realistically, yeah, she would never have the measurements of what Hollywood gave us in the early 90s of a tomb raid.

Yeah.

I guess you're right.

Except the only thing is, like,

you know,

I don't want realism in my entertainment.

The reason I'm fucking sitting down to watch and play is to see people who look better than me doing things that I can't do.

So, yeah, it's fine.

But to be fair, though, that Tomb Raider trilogy they made a few years back was pretty fucking awesome.

So, you know, what do I know?

I'm just popping off at the mouth.

Well, you know.

You know, what do I know?

I'm not even a boob guy in the long run.

No.

Really?

No.

That is breaking news.

That is.

I thought for sure you were.

I really thought you were.

No, I mean, you know, everybody, like, you, you pick up, you know, but yeah, no, boobs are my first stop on the, on the uh, the male gays train, isn't boobs.

Although, look, I'm, you know, go for it.

You know, I'm not here to, I'm not here to talk down to anybody.

Everybody should enjoy what you're doing.

Well, what is it?

The butt?

The games.

So for me, yeah, I think it's the butt games situation for old for old BQ.

That way it can be sneaky and dirty and look at them from behind.

They never know.

See, if you're looking at boobs, they can immediately see you.

They see that spit form on the side of your mouth.

He's all parched and dry.

The far away.

You're like, what is he looking at?

I can't really tell.

His gaze is so steady.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But.

Oh,

Lex Corp, bro, those are fake kryptonite rocks.

I wasn't scared,

fake kryptonite

that adds to the fever dream of the dealer.

And then he started talking about kryptonite boobs, and then he just walked away.

Yeah, but it was good times.

Good to see Kevin.

It was good to see Muse.

I've seen it.

I saw Kevin too, huh?

I saw a stop by their booth, say hello to Kevin and Musey.

You know, doing great.

They look great.

It's funny.

What were they up to?

Just signing?

Signing, Photo Ops, yeah.

I mean, their line is also like fucking, you know, they're one of the most popular guys there.

It's great.

It's great to see.

I haven't been to the New York Comic-Con since Comic Bookman got canceled.

I'm boycotting until they invite me back.

I feel like they only invited me when I was on Comic Bookman.

Then all of a sudden, they had time for me.

Now the show's over.

It's weird that way, isn't it?

If I don't exist, you couldn't, you could barely.

dude they sold out we couldn't buy our way in if we wanted to

i don't know ming was there

i'll bet you ming set that up a while ago

and he's doing some favor for somebody oh exactly he's he's helping out yeah he's earning his keep he doesn't want to just walk in like we do

yeah

uh i uh

last weekend i almost got a second dog waltz No way almost.

It was really close.

And

because it was this little like wire, I was going to name it.

I already had a name for it.

It was Country Mac.

I know you'll appreciate that, Q.

Oh, yeah, Country Mac.

Nice.

Because it looked like a country dog to me.

It was all like wiry and small and like

his fur wasn't smooth.

It was just kind of a

scrappy little mixed breed.

It looked like

kind of like a little terrier almost.

And Mary Beth was like, well, let's get him.

Let's get him.

Where was he?

Over at PetSmart.

They have

the adoption.

They do the adoption things on Sundays.

So I was like, I don't know, because then I'm weighing it in my mind.

I'm like, two dogs now.

That's an extra crate.

Mow dogs, mow money.

Mow money.

That's exactly what I said to Mary Beth.

I said, now it's twice what it cost.

But I did mention her a few times, like during the week, and Mary Beth was going to surprise me and just get the dog.

Oh, boy.

Yeah.

Thankfully, though, like this morning she went and checked, and the dog had been adopted.

Which is good news.

That's good news.

That's good news that the dog got adopted because I would probably have a second dog if not.

And I just don't, I don't, if I don't feel like I'm ready for it, then I'm not ready, right?

Because you got two dogs and you seem to do fine.

And I think that, like, I wasn't ready for kids either.

And, you know,

it happens.

You got to be ready when the time comes.

When you're up to, when it's time to step up,

then you do.

So you never, I don't think, ever really ready.

You just

accept it and dive head first.

Yeah.

Well, with kids, it's kind of like, oh, we got a kid coming.

With a dog, I'm like, it was a week ago I saw that dog.

I'm not suddenly like, I better step up.

Well,

when Benjamin passed away, I was like, I will not be getting a cat for a new cat for a long, long time.

And then Boris just fucking ran up into my life.

And, you know, so.

We also realize that, like, how many pets are

in need of a home?

And it's like, you have to sort of like, because I felt the same way, like, when my cats died, I'm like, never again, I'm not getting any more cats.

But then, like, you become overwhelmed by this, like, you see all these pets that, you know, if you go into a pet smart or you're online and you see all these, or Christ Almighty, you're, you're watching late night TV and they have the five-minute to ten-minute ASPCA commercial from Black Widow.

What's that?

From with Black Widow doing the voice.

Like, what's that?

Yes, yeah, yeah.

Yeah, they're like, you're awful if you don't fucking pay for this.

I'll pay for these dogs.

Scarlet your hands.

Yeah.

But yeah, I felt the same way.

And there's just, there's so many out there that, you know, it's like, how can you not?

Just

a dog or two.

I mean, I sent you a story last week about, you know, a pet story about Pet's Gone Bad.

Pet's Gone Wild.

I have that story.

It is a long fucking article, but it's worth it.

But now, there's a little backstory before you get into

the story.

Oh, I just hung up on them.

God damn it.

I knew that was going to happen.

No, you're right.

Are you still there, Q?

I still got it.

Okay, good.

I took a nap last week, Q.

It rarely happens during the afternoon or on a Saturday where I could take a nap, but I took a daytime nap

and I had a very vivid dream about my new dog, Teddy.

I had brought him to my late in-law's house to show him off.

They wanted to see him.

And

when I took him out of the car, when I got him into the house, I looked at him and he had turned into, basically, looked basically the same exact dog, but now he was a chimp.

And he was walking on two legs and he was just walking around.

And

I would feed him grape Kool-Aid.

And he would drink the Kool-Aid.

What is two?

Insert the easy joke here.

And it was just the most vivid dream.

And my in-laws were there who are longer with us.

And it was just so vivid and strange.

And I was awoken by my phone.

And after I got off the phone, I just looked at the news

immediately.

I just went to the news page on my iPhone.

And fucking the news article, staring me in the face, was about a chimpanzee who was a pet chimpanzee who fucking mauled his owners,

specifically in the groin and anus area.

Yeah.

They love it.

Now, either that means, like, I mean, having dreams, I have had dreams about monkeys a lot.

Okay.

And this is another dream about a monkey that feels

very strange, but

either some sort of weird shit's going on, or my phone is able to pick up brain waves of what I'm thinking about now.

How do I doubt that?

Yeah.

You think that's possible?

You think the phones now are reading our brainwaves and they can actually tell what we're thinking about?

There are times when I look at my phone and I'm like, was I talking about this?

Because it was like, I know I was thinking about it.

But was I talking about it?

And then suddenly it just shows up on your phone.

So it's like.

It was eerie, though.

You have that dream and then immediately look at the first news article that shows up in my feed is about this chimp mauling his owners, ripping off his cock and taking a chunk out of his anus.

That's the worst way to go, right?

Well, he didn't die.

Oh, yeah, that's right.

He just, yeah,

there are pictures of them in this, in this article.

I'd rather be dead than come in there and face you guys after fucking shimp is ripped off my dick and asshole.

I mean, in all seriousness, yeah,

I don't think they did this guy any favors.

Like, keep rescuing him.

Yeah, no, he looks fucked up.

It also bit his nose off.

So he was permanently had no nose.

He's got like just two holes in his head.

He looks like a skull.

Yeah,

they should have let this guy bleed out from the anus.

Yeah, I would have.

Because there's no way.

Let me go.

Because there's no quality of life after this happens.

No, I could take the loss of the nose.

I'd probably be able to work around the loss of the asshole.

But chimp bites off your dick.

I think it's time to call it a day.

But you're probably not getting much use out of it anyway if you got no nose.

I don't know how many honeys you're going to be able to woo without a nose.

You're going to look really fucked up.

You really got to stick with your wife at that point.

You can't be looking around.

You can't check it out.

I'll leave you.

Oh, yeah.

Freddy, no nose.

Yeah.

You can get a new nose put on.

You just can't get a new dick put on, man.

I heard you can.

They form it out of matter from another part of your body, your fleshy tissue.

Yeah, but it's not your, I don't know, man.

Like, you spend a life with your dick.

You know, you grow to love it.

You know, you know it, like, inside and out.

You know what it likes.

You know how it works.

And then it chimp bites it off.

And suddenly I got to make a go of it with some dick made for my ass cheeks.

Do you want a dick or not?

No, not at that cost.

I'm telling you, just let me die.

Let me go.

So what year did this take place, Brian?

This was in the 70s.

So, it was weird that it'd be show up in the news feed last weekend.

Right.

Okay, so first we'll talk about, because this is a very long article.

Yeah, just give them the abridged version.

Yeah.

So, there was

basically you heard it.

Man gets fucking dick, an anus and nose bit off by chimp.

More on 11.

So,

there's this family.

It's a

guy and his wife,

and

the one guy was a professional boat racer-turned-NASCAR driver, and his wife was his crew chief, the first woman on the circuit to hold that role.

But the real star of the Davis family was Mo the chimp.

They brought him home from, I can never, is this

Tanzania or Tanzania?

Tanzania.

Tanzania.

Okay.

God forbid I should mispronounce something.

I'll hear about it for the next fucking three weeks.

So they brought him home and they treated him more like a pet.

He would sit at the...

No, like a boy, I thought it was.

Yeah, more like a...

Did I say that?

You said more like a pet, you said.

Oh, more like a son than a pet.

Sorry.

Mo would eat with them at the kitchen table and sleep in their bed.

He was the best man at their wedding.

Could you ever

entertain the idea of

owning a pet?

Because you've got chip money now, Q.

I don't think I do.

Right?

I think we've heard too many horror stories, right?

That

before the internet and before some of the horrible stories have come out about chimps going crazy, I do believe I could talk myself to being like it would be the greatest thing on the planet to have a chimp as a pet.

I couldn't agree more, right?

Yeah, but my wife is like, she hates monkeys or chimps or apes or any of that kind of stuff.

And Sage doesn't like them either.

So the chances of me owning even a tiny little monkey are very slim.

Remember that monkey that hated me?

Oh, yeah, Matt McCluskey.

Matt McCluskey's monkey, yeah.

Yeah, we knew a kid in Highlands that we would go hang out with, and he had a monkey in his house.

Like a kabuchin?

It was a very, like a tree monkey.

Yeah, it was like a very small.

Yeah, right.

And it didn't have the use of its back leg, of its high, like its legs that he stands on.

So it was kind of dragged himself around by the two front legs or arms.

Yeah, but it really hated Briar.

Like, Briar would put his face next to the cage, and he fucking, it would go crazy trying to get out of it.

Shaking the cage and shit going on.

I would put my face next to it, it wouldn't have the same reaction.

Yeah,

that's when I first

like, bro, you're fug.

Even monkeys,

even monkeys don't like your face.

I was saying, maybe, maybe the guy, maybe somebody who ran over his legs looked like you.

That could be, yeah, like some hunter or something that captured him and brought him back to America.

Yeah, how the fuck do you even buy a monkey with not working back?

Do you know what I mean?

It was also 1980.

Oh, this was the 70s.

This was like 1970.

I'm sure they had it in like like mid 70s they got the monkey i don't know where they got it from they also had an alligator in their yard yeah they had all kinds of like they would go down to florida and they would get they would go uh the brothers his brothers would go um

catch these catch these uh tropical fish they would go down to like florida and catch tropical fish and then bring them on back so they had like a menagerie man yeah they had the alligator they had the monkey they had all kinds of fish and i believe the monkey actually it did attack somebody and that's why they kept they kept it in a bird cage oh my god this poor poor monkey!

Yeah, and so they never let the monkey out after ever again because I think it bit somebody.

So they basically kept the monkey in a cage forever till it died because they just were terrified of it getting out.

Poor monkey, man.

That makes me feel horrible.

Yeah.

Wasn't there a short bank that sold monkeys?

There were the five and dime, I believe, in Red Bank in the 60s sold monkeys too.

Wow, that's like Canal Street in Manhattan.

You can buy anything.

In 1971, the city sought to have Mo removed from their home, setting up a courtroom showdown that ended with a judge showering the chip with praise.

He said that from what he's observed of Mo outside and in the courtroom, he doesn't have the traits of a wild animal and is somewhat better behaved than some people.

Whoa.

So they lived with him for nearly 30 years until he was forcibly removed from their home and placed in a wildlife sanctuary after he bit a house guest's finger.

Now, if I was the house guest and like a little chimp bit my finger, I don't think I, I mean, unless you have to, I guess you got to go to the hospital, right?

Fuck yeah, you don't know what kind of shit that is

and that's saliva, yeah, because I was like, I want to report it, I wouldn't want them to get their monkey taken away, but at the same time, yeah, all of a sudden your patient ex would fucking

fuck the monkey.

No, no, no, no, he just bit my finger, I didn't fuck it,

he bit my dick, it's his fault.

I didn't think he bite it,

I didn't think he'd bite it.

So he's forcibly removed after biting the finger.

Then the unthinkable happened.

The two other chimpanzees were.

No, no.

He was removed from, they had to put him in a monkey sanctuary.

Right.

Did you read this article?

Yeah,

I'm reading it right here, right now.

It doesn't say that.

Two other chimps escaped from their enclosure just as they were preparing to eat birthday cake with Mo.

Yeah, wait a minute.

Yeah,

you skipped like fucking seven paragraphs.

No, I didn't.

Yeah, because they had to put him in the sanctuary.

Right.

And then they would go later.

That's in the article.

Yeah, that's later on in the article.

But the article's so long that if I scroll all the way down.

Well, okay, so that's okay.

We'll just go by what we remember, Kirk.

He's got you all flustered.

Look at him.

I'm against the ropes over here.

This is Mo's fucking one-sided way.

Yeah, I know.

There's a legacy.

He's treating you like Giddam, man.

It's important.

It's really hard to

find all the...

Well, he was forcibly.

The state had him removed from the home and they had to put him in a monkey sanctuary where the couple would then go and visit him.

And one time when they were out visiting him on his birthday, they were eating cake with the monkey and two other chimps got out.

And those two chimps who escaped, you know, conquest of the fucking planet of the apes basically here,

stumble upon this birthday party and they fucking went ape shit.

Excuse the, you know, the easy joke, but and they attacked the man, of course, because the dominant, they knew who the dominant fucking,

you know, they know this house monkey or the fucking woman.

Who are you going to attack?

The dude.

And they one went for his genitals and one went for his ass.

And then when they were done with that, they fucking bit off the nose just like, just on spite.

Here's what the advent are like, oh, that's not enough for you?

So they bit off the lady's left thumb.

Oh, okay.

She's it for her.

She got one.

Yeah, she got that was it.

That's all.

That was it for her.

The chimps gouged out his right eye, chewed off his nose, eight of his fingers, a chunk of his skull, as well as part of his lips, cheek, buttocks, genitals, and feet.

The mauling went on for several minutes until a relative of the sanctuary's owner ran out with a gun and shot the two chimps dead.

Wow.

But then Mo

escaped.

Mo got away.

He'd be busted out.

And he was never found.

No, Moe's out there today.

Mo, well, I don't know.

I don't know.

That'd be pretty lofty to think he's still around here.

But he got out and he was never recaptured.

He made it out.

How

do you think

a house-trained monkey fares in the wild, though?

This isn't the jungle, though.

It was the San Bernardino Mountains, yeah.

California.

California?

Yeah.

Doesn't seem like, well, if he's in Northern California, it does seem like there would be plenty of places for him to swing and hide and eat and stuff, right?

Well,

what would be his

fear, though, in terms of a predator?

I don't think there really is anything that could take him down out there.

Maybe a mountain cat of some sort.

Moe.

I think Moe would handle a mountain lion.

Maybe.

I mean, probably, but I wouldn't say it's 100% every time

monkey beats mountain lion.

In 2008, that's when they said that Moe had disappeared.

This is a pretty long time for him to be in the

wild.

He could be out.

I mean, he still really could be alive still.

He could be.

Yeah.

So, Q, they come to you.

They want funding for they want to make this into a major motion picture.

Yeah.

Would you put up some cash?

Would you be an investor in the Mo story?

No.

No.

King Kong has never flopped.

No version of King Kong has ever not made money.

No, I just wouldn't put my money into anything like that.

I would be like, look, man, like, you know, I think you've got a great project here, and I wish you the best of luck raising money.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

Yeah, that could be the one that shoots the chimps dead.

You're the friend of the sanctuary owner.

You could be the owner of Mo.

Oh, yeah.

Got your nose pit off and journalists.

Oh, yeah.

You got to put a big, you got to put some big money up for that role, though.

You got to invest millions to get the role of Mo's fucking father.

You guys have been in more movies than I am.

Why aren't they making you coming out with a gun shit?

Well, unfortunately,

we have comic book men money.

Yeah.

And they know that

they don't want to fucking direct a cable access movie on Lifetime.

They want a fucking major motion picture.

We might do a low-budget version on Patreon.

Jimmy the hair guy is in an ape show

in the chimp costume.

All right, action.

Okay, Jimmy.

Okay, bite, bite him, get him his ass.

Pretend you're eating his anus.

Now go for the journal.

Did you always fall backwards?

No, something just hit me that I can't believe I didn't mention to you guys about Comic-Con.

I'm walking the floor and I see an honest to God celebrity.

And I sneak up behind him and I go, Are you Frank Five from Tell him Steve Dan?

He was Frank.

He was there with a buddy of his and he turns around like, oh my God, you scared me.

He said, like,

it was great.

So I actually got to see, and I took a picture with Frank Five, the Frank Five, on the floor of college.

Oh, that's cool.

I think he was there to see some Back to the Future star or not really a star, like somebody who was somebody maybe the mayor or something.

Goldie Wilson.

I don't know.

Yeah, somebody who was at that con, I remember he was super psyched about finally getting that one photograph he needs or something.

I'll tell you, when he turned around, he looked slightly guilty.

In my mind, it was like, Does Walt know you're around?

I'm like, Did you not tell Walt that you were coming to town?

Yeah.

Yeah.

So sorry, I meant to mention that, too.

It was good to see Frank five.

He says that he said that ants were stopping him, like he was getting it there.

Oh, that's cool.

Yeah, that is nice.

Or I don't know.

I don't know if is that cool or is that not cool?

Because I think it's the coolest thing.

Really?

You love to be stopped while you're walking the floor every two seconds?

If it was Ants talking about telling Steve Dave, yeah, I would love him.

But that doesn't happen as much as I would like.

Sorry, so back to the chimps.

I'm sorry, but I didn't watch the chimp.

So the wife said, you know, wherever Mo is, I hope he's making good choices for himself.

That's a quote.

That's some quote, right?

Yeah.

And what kind of, what are his choices?

In reality, I would sit down with the lady.

Well, should I eat this?

Yeah, should I eat this?

Or should I fuck this?

Or

should I drink?

Should I shit shit on this?

Yeah, I'm not sure how many choices he's making.

So even the they said that this couple never had a lot of money, but they were awarded $4 million in the settlement related to the attack.

From the sanctuary, huh?

From the sanctuary, yep.

Over the next several years, deli life got harder.

The guy required constant attention.

And the woman, who was now in her early 70s, was slowing down.

Friends that were helping fell out of touch and in some cases died.

How hard would it be?

Like if I got attacked by a chimp, right?

Yeah.

I'm immediately out of touch.

That's what I figured.

What's wrong, Walt?

Why aren't you looking at me?

I don't fall out of touch.

I'm immediately out of touch.

Let's see.

So then somebody...

This guy, Zin Ma,

who was an immigrant from some other country, Minza Ma,

met them and he started talking about cars with them because they were very into cars, obviously, since they were, you know, into the racetrack and all that shit back in the day.

He said that

he had been evicted from his apartment and not before

he met, not long before he met the Davises, Ma pitched a local businessman on investing in his engine business.

And the engine man said that he had a good story, but then he found out he was full of it.

So this guy is

full of shit, the in law, ma law, or whatever his name is.

He kind of, I guess, hooked up with them to

get all the cars that were on their property.

They had, like, I guess, some valuable cars and shit.

Sounds like he was a shyster and kind of took advantage of the couple due to their injuries and declining health and age.

Soon he was calling the mom, the woman mommy.

And she was calling him son.

It's just when you get older, you just start making bad decisions, huh?

Like you're just like you're just not as with it.

Yeah, I just think that especially when you're in need of some assistance when you're maimed by a monkey,

it's easy to like to take anybody's assistance because you're like, somebody's willing to help.

So you're like, fuck it, why not?

Walt left.

I might as well take in Zin Maw.

So this guy, of course, he starts siphoning out of their bank accounts, and

they put him in charge as like a, what's that called, power of attorney.

so all that that four million's gone then from Zimmer stole the four million from them and I guess they recently found the woman because the guy died right the guy died in a stroke

but they found the lady she's still alive and kicking but barely and they found her was it covered in

animal droppings or rabbit droppings

let's see here in her house I guess they had too many rabbits and shit they don't learn they still I mean pets are not for you guys

And there were also a bunch of squatters there.

There was like a motorcycle gang that came in and took over.

It was like, if you're, if you're talking about like how you don't want your life to go, this is pretty much it, right?

Yeah.

Made by a monkey.

Does that change anything on the outlook of the other major motion picture?

You got biker gangs, you got intrigue, you got scandal.

I mean, it sounds like

we got to pick a lane with this project.

Is it about the monkey attack?

Is it about

what are we what are we trying to put together here it's all over

it

like a like a like a television series at this point to me oh and maybe a netflix mini series yeah like it opens with the monkey attack to get everybody gripped and then it goes back a little bit and then leads yeah i think you got something well oh i'm sure it's already somebody's already latched onto this it feels like there's so many twists and turns if this doesn't become a docudrama somewhere someone's dropped the ball well somebody called the police, and the police were in a bind since the woman told them the people on the property had permission to be there, so there wasn't much the cops could do.

So I'm assuming she's starting to get into like the pre-senile dementia, if not like, you know, well into it.

Because

also it says about the guy.

I mean, Jesus Christ, this guy.

He was once one of the most famous people in West Covina, yet there was no obituary, memorial service, or news story about his death.

And some of his friends didn't find out until several days later, which was how they suspect was exactly how Mo wanted it.

Now, if there's any justice in this world, Mo

comes out of fucking...

That's the end of the movie.

Mo comes back.

Fucking Zim Zaw is fucking out trying to shyster somebody else.

And all of a sudden, he fucking turns around and Mo's there.

And Mo does to him what happened to his father.

Oh, that would be pretty cool.

That's all right.

Now we're getting somewhere.

Revenge.

And we'll go full frontal.

We might have to battle the board and MPA for fucking NT17, but we want a full frontal shot of Zimzog getting his genitals ripped off.

Okay, here you go, Walt.

So he died in 2018.

The woman stayed at the house, but in like squalid conditions.

The Los Angeles County Adult Protective Services opened an investigation.

And during a home visit in 2019, which was less than a year later than

the guy died, workers found her in a room with spider wasps buzzing through the air, hundreds of rabbit feces covering the floor.

She was unable to state her age, what year it was, and how many of her valuables were missing.

Was she in the basement with Giddam?

Because this sounds exactly like spider wasps and shit.

At some point, the property was taken over by members of a motorcycle gang who forced Maw out of the home.

So the motorcycle gang shows up and they're like, the guy who was siphoning all their money, they're like, get the fuck out of here.

And I guess he doesn't have much of a choice.

So he left.

I thought motorcycle gangs had like a code of ethics, though.

Surprised that no one just tried to like help the old lady, though.

They do with kids, it seems.

Like, you know, Hell's Angels are always helping out with like around Christmas time and shit.

I see shit like that, yeah.

And sometimes, like, you know, when the gods hate God hates fags people the uh westboro baptist church

uh they would go and they would protest the funerals of servicemen and cops i mean uh motorcycle guys would show up and they would rev their engines to like drown them out so that you couldn't hear what they were saying so they they do stuff like that

right

uh let's see she couldn't oh she looks terrible in this picture too she couldn't administer her own uh

her own medication so they uh had to take her

and let's see I'm sure they just put her in a home right I'm sure they put her in a facility somewhere

but she's got some story to tell I'm sure no one in the fucking in the facility believes her

when she tells the story of her life

it all started out with her completely right

like this is a wizard this one's really way out there

yeah she she was at least uh she was they got her sort of coherent and uh they brought maw to court saying that like you know she

never

allowed, said this was allowed,

that he worked for her, and that was it.

You know, like, she, she, she never signed any paperwork to that effect, so I guess they falsified her signature.

Oh, yeah.

I mean, it sounds like, yeah, Minois is a fucking piece of shit.

Yeah, he really is.

And he was like, he was ballsy about it, though, like, because he, uh, his accounting was like, of the 275,000, less than 2,000 was used for the woman's care.

The rest of the $275,000 was apparently for repairs, maintenance, and cars.

And there's a $13,000 item that says, ask my accountant.

So not only that, he was arrogant about it, too.

Yeah.

But I guess they used most of her money because she was in the hospital.

They had her in the hospital for a while.

Her insurance was running out.

There was no money.

But then they discovered that she still had $440,000

that the bank closed because, or didn't allow any more withdrawals because they figured somebody was

doing fraudulent activity.

Then they also sold her home for roughly $2 million.

So now she's 80.

She was moved from a hospital to a facility that specializes in caring for people with cognitive issues.

And the legal battle over whether to avoid the new trusts carried into late

2022.

Ma maintained that he had spent hundreds of thousands of dollars of his own money on the woman's properties and for the storage of cars that he moved off of them.

So now he's like, hey, I'm the good guy here.

Well, of course.

What are you guys talking about, man?

Oh, my God.

A settlement was reached in November 2022.

It granted Ma $175,000 in cash in all of the vehicles purchased by LaDonna and/or funds belonging to LaDonna that are currently in his possession.

And the settlement avoids the significant expense of further litigation.

So they're like, fine, just take this.

Yeah, get out of it,

get away,

Get out of my life.

Wow.

Hey, man.

He wasn't happy with it.

He goes, are you serious?

Yeah.

All this springs out of a monkey biting a hand.

Isn't that crazy?

Yeah, if that attack doesn't happen, I'm sure Min Moon never comes into their life.

Yeah.

Well, here's his excuse.

He says he doesn't know about trust, even though he signed it and everything.

I'm an Asian guy.

We don't have that.

Very clever.

Yeah, that's a good excuse.

And then it just goes on and on about the things that this Min Ma

did, you know.

Yeah, super long article, but it was a crazy fucking story that

horrifying, but yet still captivating.

And all, like you said, because you went and bought a monkey, which is why you probably,

why the state has said, you know what, no monkeys.

Monkeys can't be pets for this very reason.

Monkeys are causing trouble because it was that other chimp a couple of years ago, not a couple of years ago, but you know, 10, 15 years ago, maybe now.

Yeah, she bit that lady's face.

Bit the lady's face off.

Yeah, she was like, keeping them concerned.

Yeah.

I don't think I'd want to live.

No.

My whole face gets bitten off.

No.

Can't do Tom Steve Dave anymore because Walt's not around.

Attorney Belled on me.

I just don't, like, it would be very difficult to face my wife with my nose off, no genitals, eight of my fingers are missing.

Make love to me.

You got to kind of like, you get your balls and dick bitten off.

You're married.

I think you got to leave your wife and move.

If you even want to live, if it's me, you got to leave your wife.

You got to move to like a cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere.

And just

wait.

You can't even jerk off.

You don't do anything.

What do you can't play video games?

You got no fingers.

I guess read.

Yeah.

Just fucking read.

Oh, it's rough.

Just picked up all those tangent trade paperbacks.

Yeah, it's true.

I never caught so much shit online as last week.

People were so upset that I didn't have any ads for them.

Oh, I'm sure that you make up for it this week.

I'm going to make up for it.

I apologize, everyone.

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I doubt that's true.

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Did you ever get a fresh barbershop shave?

I've never gotten my face shaved at a barbershop.

No.

Never.

I have had my cheeks shaved down, you know, but not anything else.

What if we told you...

On the back of my neck, I have gotten shaved.

Yeah?

Yeah.

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Oh, it also shaves your face, too.

I guess so.

I don't know if I'd want to use it.

You know, I'd have to have like multiple ones.

This is my face manscaper, and this is my balls manscaper.

You're in luck because I don't know if they're sending you these manscape things, but I have like four of them now.

They just sent me another one.

They just sent me the chair.

Yeah, I got them.

Did you get them?

Okay, yeah.

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All right.

We're halfway done with them.

Let's see.

Oh, well, I wanted to ask you this because

you

know far more about sports than I do.

Far more.

Far more.

I don't know anything about sports, so it's not that hard to know more than me.

But if you were an invalid when it comes to sports, right?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Mental

deficient.

Retarded almost,

somebody would say.

Retarded at sports.

Your lack of

information regarding sports is shocking, some would say.

I know nothing.

I know, Tom Brady.

Anything I know is because I've heard you mention it.

All right, yes.

Okay.

So if you had a league that was losing $40 million

a year,

would you think that those players should have their salaries bumped up?

If it's a WNBA, yes.

I thought I was going to get him.

I thought I was going to get him.

Because

if you don't,

you're going to take it on the chin.

He's too sharp.

But if it's NHL where it's all white guys,

take it from the NHL and give it to the ladies.

Yeah, I agree.

Take it from them and give it to the ladies because they deserve it more than the NHL does.

They do, right?

But although, to be fair, I think the WNBA playoff ratings are dwarfing the NHL ratings right now.

Are they really?

Yeah, I really, I think there's it feels like the WNBA is on the upswing now.

I've never seen more stories about it in my feeds.

So something is happening.

Well, it's all about Caitlin Clark, right?

I don't know.

I don't follow it.

I don't know what it is, but the amount of stories that I keep getting suggested say that something is happening.

And

maybe they're losing money right now, but things are looking maybe

trajecting towards things, you know, starting to even out, and then not, and then after they even out, maybe getting into the black then, because

the ratings are certainly on the upswing, I would think.

You're doing better than NHL.

Have you seen some of these women like in their regular clothes going to the games?

No, dude, some of them look like fucking supermodels.

It's unbelievable.

And like the way they dress, like, you know, like a lot of times with the NBA, like, they wear suits.

Yeah.

You know, that is not the case.

Like, these girls are wearing bare midriff,

like, nice, sexy skirts.

I mean, Jesus, it caught my attention.

I mean, that's how you could sell it.

Looking good.

I think Q is off.

Q, are you off?

Yeah.

No.

Oh,

yeah, you look like you were frozen.

I was frozen.

No, no, just frozen.

That was scary.

Yeah.

Just listening to it.

Just taking it in.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So,

so you're of the opinion that, yes, they deserve more money, even though they're not making,

even though they're losing 40 million a year.

I mean.

Got to pay them as much as the NBA at least.

Yeah,

take it from the leagues that are doing well then.

Yeah?

Yeah.

That sounds a lot like socialism.

Share it all because put it all into one big basket.

You know, NFL is doing probably too well.

Prepare's making too much money.

I see that in baseball, too.

I see the contracts some of these guys make, and I'm like, you got to be fucking kidding me.

Oh, so like they pay that much?

Speaking of baseball, Kio, as the resident baseball guy on Telm Steve Dave,

what do you think of the baseball's decision to play a staggering amount of playoff games during the daytime?

I find it shocking and absolutely a head scratcher as to why the most

interesting time of the year is relegated to weekday afternoon playoff games.

I have no idea why they've been doing that.

I don't know why.

I don't understand it myself.

I don't get it.

I don't know why they don't let the regular team announcers announce the teams into the postseason.

I think that they got to kind of course correct a little bit because it is annoying

to spend all year with certain announcers and then get to the postseason and like, oh, no, now there's these fucking three-knuckleheads you got to listen to.

I don't get that.

I don't get, I mean, look, if the game's in California,

obviously you're going to be thrown off

in times in New York, but I don't get the afternoon.

I'm with you.

It's like people are at work, man.

It doesn't make any sense to me because here you have

two major

markets in New York being in the playoffs, and you have the world's,

you know, they're saying the greatest baby baseball player who has ever lived, like right now, that guy in the Dodgers.

And you want to put them on in prime time, I would think.

And they're showing these games in the middle of the afternoon.

And they don't do now.

Correct me if I'm wrong.

And if this is the case, then I will shut my mouth and I'll apologize to baseball.

But are there this many weekday afternoon games during the regular season?

I mean, if you go across the spectrum, probably, but no, like sometimes Wednesdays have day games, I think.

But for the most part, no,

it's evening games.

But there are day games.

It's not unheard of to have Dave games, but I don't think that's what you're talking about.

You're talking about the important games that everybody wants to watch live.

Yeah, and they're on at like 3 o'clock in the afternoon.

And I'm like, why?

Yeah, I mean, I get if you're playing in California, you know, the Dodgers, they have a 7 o'clock, 8 o'clock start time.

It's by necessity in New York, you're at 4 or 5 o'clock.

I get it.

But yeah,

you know, when the World Series starts, though, that they're not going to let the Dodgers start at ⁇ they're going to have to start at 8 o'clock

if they make it to the World Series.

Yeah, I don't know.

That's what they do with football, too.

Like if a football game starts on the West Coast, if they want it in prime time, they start it at 5 o'clock.

West Coast is used to this, I think.

But in the East Coast,

where everything really matters,

why the fuck are you putting your most important games?

If you want to sell the game that I think is kind of taken a backseat to all the other professional sports lately in terms of national interest, I don't think it's the national pastime any longer.

I feel you got to put these games on a primetime and make it easier for people to find them and see them.

Well, here's, I don't know how it fits in with the other scheduling, but I think another thing to maybe consider is this:

I think for a lot of people, once their team is out, they don't give a fuck anymore.

So they stop watching, you know what I mean?

So maybe it's just the viewership of it gets to a level where they're like, you know,

we got to put other things in that primitive.

I don't know.

I don't get it.

And I know, Brian, you desperately wanted to fucking try to get that W NBA story in.

So now this is the cost of you bringing up sports.

When I listen to baseball, I'm thinking about, I'm still thinking about about Mo.

I saw the glazed over eye.

I look like Q frozen before.

So how are the Mets and Yankees doing at this point?

What's the update?

Well, the Yankees are just decimating Cleveland, which we've have they closed them out yet?

Not yet.

Not yet.

What's the series?

Three games to one or two?

Three to one on the Yankees side.

How's your Mets doing?

The Mets are in that exact situation.

They're down by two.

Three games to one.

They won last night, but they're in a must-win situation.

They can't lose another game.

And they're playing the Dodgers and they're playing against Mookie Betts, which is that player you were talking about.

So it's fucking hard.

Well, I thought the best player of the Dodgers was this Asian guy.

Oh, oh,

oh,

yeah, Otani, thank you.

The 50-50 guy who had 50 stolen bases, 50 home runs.

Yeah, yeah.

And he's going to pitch, I heard, next year.

Didn't he pitch in the past, though?

Wasn't that like a bad guy?

I don't think he pitched at all this year, but he's going to become a stolen ball.

But like in the past,

wasn't he.

They're not going to make him a pitcher.

Get the fuck out of your way.

Injury.

Injuries this year he couldn't pitch, but

for a guy who hasn't tuned into baseball in decades, when I was into baseball, the pitchers

swung the bat like

get him.

You know, they swung it as if they were trying to kill a fly that they were scared of.

It's the bar.

It used to be great before the designated hitter thing came in.

It would be great to watch pitchers get up.

Right.

And yeah, it was always so much fun.

And then everybody was like, everybody would come out from the dugout and smile and watch them.

Like, here we go.

Let's, let's, you know what I mean?

Everybody would laugh.

If they got on first base, even the place would go wild.

Yeah, if they somehow got a hit, the whole place would go, would go

ape shit crazy, the crowd, the players, because it was so rare for a pitcher to get a hit.

So when did the National League get rid of all that fun and adopt the DH?

It was in recent years that it changed.

It was real recent.

Do you like that

or do you rather see the National League keeps you going to see them?

Yeah, I would rather

see them going up to the plate.

I always thought it was fun when they did it.

And do you like the pitch count too?

These are all things that I didn't even know existed.

The pitch count clock, I hated in theory.

Because what it is, Brian, is like now they make it so pitchers have to pitch.

They want to keep the game going, like the speed of the game going.

So now instead of lollygagging, pitchers have a pitch clock that

they have to keep up with.

On paper, I hated it.

I don't understand.

Like, to me, baseball is a game that doesn't need to be shorter.

Like, the whole point of it is you put it on, you spend the afternoon with it in the background, or you go to the game, you sit there with your friends.

But it hasn't hasn't bothered me as much as the rule of like, if you go into overtime, you start out with a player on second base.

In the playoffs, does that start?

Does that

go away in the

that goes away in the playoffs?

But like, fuck, man, I hate it.

I hate it.

I fucking hate it.

I don't think it could last.

I think they got to get rid of that rule.

It's such a fucking cheap thing, man.

Yeah, I don't know.

You just start out with a guy on second.

Like, fuck off.

Like, get this shit out of here, I think.

Walt, I hear that Otani won't pitch this season after a

elbow injury, but he can still hit.

Yeah, he's got a ganglion cyst, I heard.

Oh, no, really?

Really?

He got over here.

He's a superstar.

He starts fingering our chicks.

And I also was shocked to hear that you can't throw over, like, if you got a man on first and you're a pitcher and you're trying to keep him close to the bag, you can only throw over two times.

in an inning.

That's another rule that I was just stunned to find out that they've implemented.

All this shit

is just to keep the game moving along.

I don't, which, which is like, I don't get.

If you love something, you want less of it.

I don't understand.

And I find it, you know, if I was

like a fierce baseball guy

and somebody who just who tuned out for decades now is bitching about it on a podcast, I'd be like, well, fuck you.

You haven't been around and supported baseball in 30 years.

And now you're going to come in and criticize all these new rules that we've tried to implement to make the game faster for younger viewers and not have games stretch into three and a half to four hour lengths.

Yeah, but who decides who gets to be the fuck you, is what I would say to anybody who criticized you.

Walt,

why can't you come in here and just give whatever, like, like, I don't care.

You know what I mean?

Like, I hold your opinion more valuable than theirs.

What do you think about that?

Okay, all right.

You know, we just got to, who's the commissioner of baseball, right?

Who's the commission?

You've got to get it.

You've got to get in with him, Q, and tell him all everything that's wrong with all these newfangled rules in 2024 baseball.

I'm on it.

I'm on it.

We need to bring back fucking big-chested women who run out to the mound and sneak a kiss.

That would be great.

Then I'd watch baseball.

Keep the pitch count

clock, but also let's bring back chesty fucking women

on the prowl for kisses.

You took them away from us in comics.

You can't take it away from us in baseball, too.

We won't stand for it.

Baseball was the sport that invented the honey shot, right?

Didn't it come from baseball?

Where they instruct the cameramen to find beautiful women in the crowd and focus on them so they could cut to it for the announcers to talk about.

Wasn't that

called the honey shot?

Yeah, it was like they would be like, all right, we need a couple of honey shots in in the game.

And then it was like, it would just be a beautiful woman.

And the guys wouldn't be like, look at them, broads.

They'd be like, all right, here's a fan out here enjoying the day.

You know what I mean?

It would always be hot chicks.

And then, like, as the years go by, they were like, look, you can't just, you can't just be pointing out these girls.

So then, you know, then you get.

I remember when Kev first opened the stash on

Mammoth Street.

When I'd work there in the weekends, there was a tape left.

We were dubbing and bootlegging VHS tapes, but there was one tape.

We weren't selling this one, but it just was left on the counter.

I assume it came from Kevin, or I don't know where it came from.

I don't know where it came from, Elaine.

I remember it.

But this was like a tape of culled

banned shots from Major League Baseball, like when you put the camera on the crowd.

These were shots

were never allowed to be used.

And one of the shots was this one really hot chick just going mad on herself, and her boyfriend being annoyed.

He would look at her and be like, almost like he was disgusted, tried to cover her up

with his shirt and she would have to be a little bit more.

I remember it too.

And she was going fucking crazy, ballistic.

It was like she had Spanish fly.

Yeah,

she was in the last, she was in the last row all the way on the top.

I remember this meeting

in Seattle was beating to like the Yankees, 11-numbered.

We were all watching the night office.

We were like, check it out, check it out.

And that guy was really like trying to cover her up.

And she was like, get the fuck off, you funny duddy.

Like, I'm doing it.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

You got to find that tape.

And when you get that meeting with the commission, you're going to be like, hey, Commissioner, they pop this in.

This is what we got to bring back to baseball.

I'm like, you guys know the Hawks Tooie girl, right?

Like, this is it.

This girl,

she's the original.

Yeah, I remember that tape.

Holy shit.

I wonder what.

She was fucking mad, right?

She was just like, she could not stop pleasuring herself.

Well, she just, I remember her thinking, I remember at the time even thinking, like, they're not going to last because this chick's wild.

And this guy's like, ah, dear, you got to cover cover up your vagina.

And she was like, get the fuck out of here.

I mean, she was legs spread.

Yeah.

She wasn't even hiding it.

There was nobody, like,

to paint a more accurate picture for those who don't know what we're talking about or didn't see it.

There was nobody in the stands in her, like, her bleacher section.

The game was a blowout.

It was like, it was 11 o'clock at night.

It was a night game.

She might have had the whole upper deck to herself.

Yes.

Like, that's how empty it was.

So all of a sudden, yeah, she pulls down her shirts and starts fucking flicking the bean like a

as if she's never never flicked it before and she just found out how good for her last time flicking it

and her boyfriend was a fucking had the stink eye he was so annoyed at her what would you do you go to baseball games you're there with a lady

now or back then or like a playoff game in the middle of the afternoon now i get up i get up and i walk away i you know i can't be on tape with that but uh back in the day i i would throw I'd be like, look, here's the deal.

Let me throw my jacket over your legs and then I'll get my hand in there and we'll have a good time.

You know what I mean?

But this girl, I mean, I mean, it was an era before people were used to being constantly under surveillance.

Like, it never even fucking occurred to her that she would.

That'd be it.

Yeah, we're watching it.

We're watching it right now.

Didn't found it.

Yeah.

Nice.

Yeah, like, like, it was just a more, there was no, you know, why would she think that they were going to fucking videotape her?

Nobody thought it because nobody was.

You're not going to get that fun anymore.

So you don't think that happens in today's show?

Oh, I'm sure it happens, but I

yeah, I'm sure it happens.

Do you think that there's a new version of that, a current version of like banned crowd shots that gets passed around to the stadiums by the professionals?

They're like, you'll never believe what we caught these people doing, you know, adoring your game.

I'll tell you what, Walt, you want to ask about a project I'll invest money in?

If they want to do BQ's honey shots, it's just like

they call it that BQ's honey shots,

ladies and gentlemen, it's time for BQ's honey shots.

You narrate it?

Yeah, no, I'll do it like, like, you know, I like that.

Look at Dr.

Crouch.

She's playing men.

I'm just honest

where they're standing in front of the TV and they're presenting it.

I'll just stand there and be like, this comes from Baltimore.

This comes from the Baltimore game.

Here we go.

It's time for a honey shot.

And then it just zooms in.

You're selling it on late night TV?

Fuck it.

Why not?

That sounds like fun for everyone.

And it won't just be women, Walt.

Like, let's say a guy is sitting.

I don't want to see a dude go fucking

out his fucking bone or anything.

He gets arrested.

No, it's not like that, but he's sitting with his legs a little too wide and like his balls are just slipping out of his shorts a little bit.

And we'll call him like honey bloopers.

We'll be like, well, well, busted nuts.

We bring it back put-nut style.

Yeah, yeah.

I mean, that I would invest a lot of my money into.

I believe losing market.

Everything I have.

Pull it out of all your savings accounts.

I think what I'm hearing is a

financial advisor is like, Q,

you realize the internet, with the internet, you can't make money off this anymore.

You can't sell this on home video.

If that's what you think,

that's why you're sitting in a cubicle and I'm BQ.

But Q, you've got to rethink this.

This is a massive investment on something that people get to see for free on the internet if they look hard enough.

Not on video.

Your office coach found it within two seconds.

But I'm presenting it, bro.

It's got the BQ stamp of approval on it.

I'll just keep investing money in it, and I'll just write in the checkbook: like,

ask my accountant about this.

I'll be very

honey shots coming uh

uh 2025 for Patreon.

We'll, we'll do it, we'll figure it out.

Yeah, I'm like, listen to me, like strip clubs are still in business.

Like, people want this content, they want the honey shots.

I don't know if you, I don't think you get much argument.

I just don't know if they're going to pay for it, though, Q.

In this day and age, I don't know if they're willing to pony up $24.95 for your DVD.

A girl covered it, like her boyfriend covered her up as she goes to town on herself.

I don't know

how many copies of that DVD you got to sell to recoup that investment.

Get him.

If you haven't locked down Q'sHoneyShots.com by now,

you're missing a trick.

Oh, that is funny.

I can't believe we all remember that woman.

You got to send me the link.

Like, that's crazy.

Like, this has got to be 20 years later.

And, like, it wasn't even hard to remember.

Yeah.

Wow, that's funny.

I forgot what she was wearing, a black shirt and white shorts.

I always say that.

I'm like, oh, God, it must have been 20 years ago.

But then I'm like, wait a second, it's 2024.

So that would be 2004.

It just seems so recent.

Yeah.

You know?

Yeah, when I was talking to Ming, I was like, motherfucker, like, I've known this guy for like 30 years, something like that now.

You know what I mean?

Like,

we're 25 years or whatever the fuck.

It's so long, man.

It's why it's crazy.

We're all just.

Ming Chen's big time in us, too.

Me and Giddam.

What do you mean?

We've reached out to him multiple times.

Hasn't answered texts.

He's just kind of like

us, yeah.

What are you looking for him to do?

Gidda wants to buy something off him at cost.

So that's why I'm telling him, like, dude,

he doesn't give a fuck because you want to buy something from him that at cost.

That's why he doesn't.

He's like, oh, no, let me get right on this.

What does he want to buy from Ming?

Some sort of audio equipment that he wants that he thinks will behoove the studio.

And Ming has it, and he wants to see if he could buy one of.

What was it?

What is it?

H6.

Some sort of a Zoom recorder.

Zoom H6 recorder.

You have two of them already.

It does something special that ours doesn't do.

32-bit float.

32-bit float.

Okay.

I might have one that I could bring that we could use.

Not to take Ming out of a sale, but I might have one we could use.

Not much of a sale.

He isn't making anything off of it.

Right, right, right.

Right, right, right, right, right, right, right, right.

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Okay, that's it for the spots.

What else do I got here?

Big day coming up, Walt.

Will you be celebrating?

Halloween.

No, bigger day than that.

Oh, my birthday?

Yeah.

Doing anything fun?

I might take a ride down to

I really don't like it that much, but my wife is on a winning streak, so she thinks that every time she goes, she's going to win down to AC.

So she's kind of like strong-armed me into being that's what I want to do for my birthday

because

she constantly wins.

And I'm like,

okay, I guess if that's what you get yelled at by old ladies.

Stop looking at the camera.

Yeah, but that's what we're going to do.

Maybe take a ride down

early in like mid-morning down to AC and try to get back by seven.

Oh, not even stay the day?

No, no, I don't.

I mean,

after an hour or two, I'm down here.

I'm like, I'm done.

Right.

Yeah.

And you can't even go back to the room because.

We're not getting a room.

That's what I mean.

You can't go back to the room.

So however long Doug wants to stay, that's how long you're staying.

It falls on a Wednesday, I think.

So there's not much

that's open.

Like maybe if it was on a weekend, maybe I'd pick a flea market or something to go.

I haven't been to a flea market in a while.

Maybe that's what I would do, but I really can't think of anything I want to do anyway, so it's fine.

Yeah, I'll go down, see what happens.

What the hell?

It's not like it's a big one.

It's like kind of in the middle of everything.

Yeah, yeah.

I don't even really like to acknowledge it at this point.

I'd rather no one mentioned it.

All right.

Let me tell you about Brownies and Downies.

I think somebody tweeted this.

I'm not sure if I was supposed to be offended by it, but I wasn't.

In the Netherlands, there's this bakery, and it's called Brownies and Downies.

And the Brownies are what they are.

And the Downies are the Down syndrome people who work in the store.

I don't think it's exclusively, but it's mostly people with Down syndrome.

And the store is called Brownies and Downies?

It's called Brownies and Downies, and it's in the Netherlands.

And I was reading on, I looked on Reddit over it, and they were saying like in the Netherlands, it's like almost an affectionate term.

It's not like it would be here.

I've never heard that term before until just now, though.

I heard it once, Ken, an aunt, Kenny Rubinus,

I can't remember how to pronounce his last name.

He said a girl that he was with said that they call them Downies, wherever he's from.

I can't remember.

I mean, he might be from the Netherlands, too.

It

doesn't sound that horrible.

I guess it's all context the way you say it, right?

Yeah, yeah.

Like if you're saying it through gritted teeth with disgust, these fucking downies touching my fucking brownies.

But if you say it with loving,

it sounds, you know, like maybe a sweet and endearing, maybe.

yeah maybe that's all context i guess yeah yeah i think so i remember when tom segura put this uh

this comedy special out and the national down syndrome association or something put out this video because tom segura had made fun of some down syndrome people or made a joke or something with down syndrome people i remember hearing it and being like that that's offensive like come on give me a break but they put these down syndrome people on video

And they're all like, Tom Segura, we don't like you.

And they're going on and on and on about like how offended they are by this comedy bit.

And I'm like, this is what's wrong.

Somebody put them up to this shit.

Because not one of those, I guarantee not one of those downies were watching the Tom Segura comedy special on their own, got offended, and then turned around and was like, let's make a video telling Tom Segura what a jerk off he is.

Yeah, probably.

But what happened with the Netherlands Bakery, though?

They shut it down?

No, they didn't shut it down.

No, nothing happened with it.

It was just something that I guess just popped up in the news.

That's what it's called.

I don't know.

It's a good thing

to open a bakery and employ some people

who

have that.

But

I might sleep on that and give that a little bit more thought about what I'm going to name it, if I'm going to name it that, though.

Because

out of context, it could be like, it could rub people the wrong way.

But there's got to be a better name than that, though.

Right?

I don't know.

I think it's pretty good.

Yeah, I agree.

I think it's pretty good.

And if the Down syndrome, people are in on it, and it did appear that they were.

Yeah.

It's just like it's one of those things where people are getting offended on their behalf, even though they're not offended.

Like if I said to Sage, like, hey, Downey, she would not know what the fuck I was talking about because that's not something you're saying.

Well, you're bringing together two different things.

Like, the Segura thing joke, which I don't know, is not people didn't get offended at Brownies and Downeys, did they?

Not that I'm aware of in this country.

Although, you know what?

No, that's not true because I saw it on Twitter.

Somebody tweeted it to me, and then I went to the original posting, and I was looking at some of the comments, and a lot of the comments were like, why the fuck would they name it this?

Blah, blah, blah.

And some people from the Netherlands piped in and was like, look, in the Netherlands, that's not offensive.

Yeah.

It's actually good.

It's good branding in my mind.

Like, if it's not like a slur, like, it kind of sells what they're doing.

And in fact, I might be like, if I was in the mood for a brownie, I might be like, well, there's a fucking Annie Ann's Brownie over there, but like, there's brownies and downies.

I'd probably go to Brownies and and Downies.

I'd support the cause.

Yeah, yeah.

I think it's good branding, but I don't have a good gauge of what's offensive or not.

I don't think I could do it here.

Right.

Yeah, I come up with an altered name just for

to ensure, you know, when people start picking.

Yeah, it's not, it's not, the focus isn't on the name.

The focus is on selling fucking brownies.

Well, what if they, what if they called it Brown syndrome?

Oh, that's pretty good, too.

You know?

Like, you want to go to Brown syndrome,

get some brownies?

Does that immediately put brownies in your mind, though?

No,

it does not.

That sounds like something you don't want to get.

Yeah, it sounds like something you want to get.

I guess I need to get a little bit of a drink.

You went to Tijuana and got

drinking

the tap water.

Hey, you want to go to Brown syndrome?

What?

No?

Yeah, maybe you're right.

Back to the drone, boy.

Yeah, the the Tom Segorna thing,

I really felt bad for the people who were in it, who were in the video.

That's the dude who used to host the fucking America's Funniest Home Videos made that joke?

No, that's Tom Bergeron.

Oh.

Yeah, no.

All right, no.

I don't know who Tom Segona is.

He's friends with that guy.

What the fuck's his name?

They call him the machine guy.

Oh, Bert Kreischer.

Bert Kreischer, right.

Also, you know what?

Shane Gillis, the comedian, he has a coffee shop or something that he staffs with people with Down syndrome because I think he has a niece or something.

His uncle, I think.

Oh, is his uncle?

His uncle?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I thought that was pretty nice.

Yeah.

Fuck it.

Why not?

I'm really surprised.

And Q, you're not here, so you can't.

I'm not upset with you.

Thank you.

No comments about how wonderful it smells in here.

Oh, when I first walked in?

I'm really shocked that there hasn't been a comment about

how gingerbread fills the air.

Does it really?

Because when I walked in, it was Gidam's lunch, and then Teddy came in and started farting like crazy.

So that's all I'm smelling.

You better get your fucking nostrils checked because that gingerbread is just off the hook.

Is it a candle or something?

It's a candle and it's on the warmer.

Yeah, like Giddam

went and bought that candle, you know, because I, because I screamed at him, it smelled like feet in here.

Okay.

Yeah, you said socks at some

point.

And I didn't be the dog.

I don't know.

I don't smell like your fucking socks.

I'm pretty sure I've said it before, but we might be due for like a carpet cleaning in that office.

That wouldn't be the worst thing.

Oh, yeah, probably.

We probably need

one of those rentals where it gets soaked.

We can't just put it to

the landlord for it.

Be like, hey, come clean our carpet.

Oh,

they didn't raise the rent for three years.

I just want to make sure that we are as under the radar as possible.

Three years, I I kept the rent exactly the same way.

So I'm kind of like, you know, I'm okay if we have to rent it from like ShopRite or Food Town, one of those things where you.

Well, I always think we could just hire a service and come in and see.

No way.

We got a fucking office coach.

He's fucking playing Puzzle Quest all day.

You can put the phone down and fucking get the

Sudsi soaker machine in here.

You know what?

You're dead right.

You know,

we shut down the studio for three days, no usage.

And he just gets in there and fucking gets a deep

pile cleaning.

Get into the fucking piles.

Get all those dog farts out of it.

When can he do that, man?

When can he start that project?

I think after we've recorded the TSD Christmas episode,

I think we can have in between that area, you know, in December and New Year's Eve, I think there'll be a stretch where we'll be down.

And then we're going to come back to a new studio that's going to be sparkling.

Yeah, we usually go down between Christmas and New Year's anyway.

So

that would be a good time.

I want to, these, these

ceiling tiles, all repainted, get them.

I don't care if you got to be there on Christmas.

See, that's what happens, though.

You back off, and you're like, oh, no, we can't make him work over the Christmas break.

It's a Christmas break, and that's why he's fucking content and fucking just sitting playing Puzzle Quest, cashing your check,

cashing your money that you're paying him.

We're too good to him.

You're right.

You need a little head.

Yeah.

Puzzle Quest, huh?

That's the newest.

Oh, it's years.

It's years in the making.

Yeah, since 2012, right?

You said get him?

Yeah.

Yeah, 2012, he's been playing.

Oh, and if anybody's wondering about snoring earlier, it was not Get Him.

It was Teddy.

I wasn't sure if I could hear that on the mic.

So, what do you got?

Plans for Halloween, Q?

I'm not exactly sure yet.

My schedule is still in flux, so I don't know.

That's a bummer.

You might not be celebrating it at all.

I thought you were on the wall.

I don't know, Wilkes.

That's what I don't know.

I don't know if I'll be here or in California.

Bri, how are you celebrating?

Same way I do every year.

We go to Pam's house, have a pizza party.

Sage dresses up.

Sometimes she'll hit a couple of the neighbors and some of them.

What was she being this year?

Did I ask this already?

Yeah,

it's not easy to remember, though.

Mommy Longlegs.

It's from

this cartoon she watches called Poppy's Player.

And this is what Sage, I mean,

Mary Beth made this costume.

Mary Beth is making this costume.

Mary made costume.

Yep, she's got us.

That's the one character that they don't have the costume for out of the whole fucking show.

Gaden, what will you be doing on Halloween?

I imagine a healthy dose of puzzle quest.

Yes, and eating candy that no one picked up during the day.

Yeah, do you guys got a lot of visitors here?

None, so I don't know why he goes and spends so much money on wasting it on bags of candy that no one will ever.

So he could eat the fucking candy.

That's why he's just buying himself candy.

Yeah, but

why the big song and dance?

Why the lie?

That's always what people like.

Why the Sharade, Sharade, Sharade?

If you really just want to fucking pig out on candy, just buy the candy.

Don't buy it as like, oh, okay, well, this is in case trick-or-treaters come.

But if they don't come, I can't throw it out.

I've got to gorge myself with it.

Come on, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp.

Chocolate.

That was he said.

Fucking vacuum

the studio I'm full of chocolate and fries.

I got too much chocolate

in my system.

Chocolate.

Tell him Steve Dave.

I just want you to get vacuum today.

Sure thing, get him.