#598: The Fun Gauntlet

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

New D

Uh-oh, your sister peat on the rug.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

To my right, Walt Flanagan.

Hello.

To my left, BQ.

Hello.

How's it going, boys?

How's it going?

Great?

Yeah.

You hungover?

Yeah.

What happened?

What happened?

Joe, I was still in the same clothes I put on yesterday morning.

Did you sleep?

I got about four hours.

Yeah, we went to bed.

It was Joe Rose who bought a house in Pennsylvania.

So we went to have like a housewarming party.

And

Steve Byrne did a show.

You are in the same clothes.

Yeah.

So we went down yesterday and

I got there at noon.

Walked in his house, he put a beer in my hand, and that went until we Wawa was delivered at 3.40 a.m.

Wawa delivers beer?

No, no, sandwiches.

Oh, so tough on to hear that.

It was a wild journey.

There was a

comedy club Soul Joels.

They saw us on stage.

Three hammered individuals.

But I thought we did good.

I think we did all right.

We didn't say anything overly stupid.

What was the show, just like you guys hanging out and shooting the ship steve burns show just came up on stage for what was supposed to be the last 15 minutes but i think we were up there for almost an hour oh wow yeah nobody seemed to mind everybody's having a legitimate league

as far as i can find

uh then went to uh a nudie club well nudie a nudie club but yeah some dancing ladies uh

I ended up, as always happens to me, getting cornered by the owner, talking to the owner for the first time, but he turned out to be a great guy, so it was no issue.

Terrasa Terrasomite admitted his next The Love of His Life, it appeared.

Now, when you go to the nudity club, do all the dancers

recognize

deep fat pockets cue walking through the door?

Well, the problem is, like, I won't get a lap dance or anything like that.

But, like, they all have to take the opportunity to learn that.

So then they'll come and start talking.

And then, like, you know, after a while, you're supposed to be like, you want to get a dance?

And I'm like, I don't do it because I'm not going to, you know, I don't know how big cameras are, whatever.

I don't want to be part of it.

So I end up talking to a nice parade of lovely young ladies,

but they all know.

By the end, they all know.

I'll break them off for something on the way out.

Thank you for the time.

But yeah,

I can't get involved in that stuff.

Never thought I'd see the day.

Is this shocking to you?

Yeah, a little shocking, yeah.

Oh, I'm not saying, let me be clear.

Like,

there are strip clubs I would.

Circumstances where you would.

100%.

This isn't anything besides, like, I know this fucking place has cameras everywhere.

And then you're just like, I don't trust anybody.

You know, who knows?

Even if they don't record it, you got some jackass in the back when it's phone up to the screen, like, recording or whatever.

So it's like, this is not even worth it.

You got to find the right regressive place that barely has electricity in the back woods.

Now, let me, can I just, because, sort of for my own

clarification, I'm not sure, like, you're not opposed to being in the club and being, and someone snapping a photo.

No, you're not.

Look who was here.

BQ was here.

I had taken pictures with all the strippers.

Happy to.

Okay, so you're okay with the world knowing you're in there, but there's a, but what is the

you can't have your

someone on your lap, though, because what would happen?

No, no, no, I don't think anybody would care.

I just think that there's a world that but like I think in a world difference where they record everything, like then it's just easy for someone to just like record it and put it online or something.

I mean, getting a lap dancer shit.

I like I don't want footage of me sitting at drooling and

like a fucking girl

grinding all my fucking

I don't want to be seen for what I am.

We gotta sell things, you know, for ourselves,

But not for society.

But the world could know that you're there, but just not.

There's no shame in the end of the day.

You get to a certain age.

I don't know if it's if you want images of you and

young strippers.

I think it's just, let's all be cooth, I guess.

Wow.

Yeah.

But it's all right.

I don't miss it.

It's not like something that I, you know.

Anyway, so because I get embarrassed at it, like now I'm just like.

So you start to feel silly because I know who you are.

Yeah, it's not the same.

I just don't see Q as remember that little baby vulture in the Warner Brothers card.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I don't see you as that guy being embarrassed.

Unfortunately, chieftainship.

Unfortunately, that's it.

That's what it's done for.

Because you can't do anything.

It's like, I like you can't.

There's only certain, like, even when you talk to him, there's only certain distance it can go.

You know, like, so it's like now it's like, I have those same constraints on me.

So, once those constraints are there, it's like I don't even want to like fuck it, you know what I mean?

Like,

but is it a matter of like you know, it's like going to um the China Buffet and not being able to eat, though, then?

Uh, no, because at the end of the day, it's still a bar where

six plates.

Yeah, it's like you can't even have one morsel, then you just got to watch everybody eat.

Yeah, it's all right, though.

You're like, you're still hanging out with your friends and having a drink and stuff like that.

It's it's fine.

Do the other guys adhere to this that you're with?

Or are they?

No, no, nobody adheres to it.

Do they?

So you just watch them then?

Well, I don't go with them and sit down and look at them as they get there.

There's a private.

There's a little private room.

This place had a place called

the Knights Court where they have a throne.

Did you confuse with the Nightfair?

No, no, not KNI.

Oh, oh.

And

you paid a little extra for this room that had a throne in it.

And you could get a lap dance and a throne.

That's pretty dope.

and they had like dragon they had like dragon tables that you could put your drinks on and stuff like that yeah i mean it sounds pretty fucking nice like you're the king of the castle and then i was talking to one of the girls and she was like yeah the problem is that fucking throne is so narrow we can't really give good lap dances on it but guys do it anyway

they want to feel like a king yeah

pizza is there a bad one

well yeah yeah actually i can't confirm

that there have been in my life uh but whatever like it's fine it's fun and then and then like in the wilds of pennsylvania there's like some weird rule that you can only sell alcohol after a certain hour if you're a private club.

So there are these private clubs built into like houses where it's like $15 a year to join.

It's all like a scam, kind of, but you can drink alcohol past 2 a.m.

or whatever.

So it's like we're in some house's basement, like just drinking.

This is like, yeah, it wasn't.

It was a little alcohol.

You're lucky you came with your kidney.

It sounds like you.

This does sound weird.

Like, I'm sorry you didn't wake up with an incision uh stitched up and all your organs were fucking harvested yeah no no everybody was quite friendly it was a lovely evening no no no static no problems yeah there is no no

you're flying away from the strip club what are you gonna do

this is it this is where i am in life i'm that fucking vulture

uh but as a result because derose is you know an animal Yeah,

you know, and the rest of the crew drinks.

I'm a little, yeah, banged up today.

Then I slept in his house.

Now, you

just seems to be prevalent.

Like you say, like, that's it.

My days are over.

But every single time you go out, you come back in this shape.

There's certain

influences.

Yeah, there are certain influences.

I think there's certain influences.

Certain people he hangs around with.

Yeah, he gets pressured into.

I don't want pressured, like more like unlocked.

Yeah, you gotta do it.

Yeah, you're like, ah, what are you gonna do?

You only live once type stuff.

Now it's like, all I taste is stomach acid

and disgusting.

I smell of grease.

It's all coming out of your pores and shit.

It's so bad.

I just want to shower.

Look how committed you are.

You came right from the fucking strip club right here.

Yeah, straight from there's glitter all over me.

Let that sink in, listeners, about

how committed your man is.

Yeah, but they're like, yeah, but we got to listen to him fucking whine and complain for the first 10 minutes.

I don't know.

How we can't get a laugh to him.

I'll call this guy.

It's not fair, I tell you.

You fucking dopes in your social media keeping me from having a baby

bounce up and down on me.

Your damn cell phones and shit.

Muttering under his breath at the strip club to himself.

Girls gotten scared off.

You bring the owner over.

He's like,

hey, buddy, let me throw this at you.

Can you confiscate all those cell phones from everybody at

this establishment?

Nobody should have their cell phones at this club, anyway.

I thought that was the rule, pretty much.

Apparently, not anymore.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I don't mind.

I really don't mind, though.

No, I like that.

I'm fine with that.

I hate to see you, though, struggle like this, though.

It's just a hangover.

You got those red eyes.

Yeah.

You look like fucking Peter Cushing and

Satanic Rites of Dracula.

Is there something that gets inherently sadder as these guys age, these single guys that are going out to strip clubs in their mid to late 40s?

No.

No, there's nothing sad about it.

That's how you keep it young, man.

You know, if you're,

what are you going to do?

Do you want it?

I don't want to picture Q on a Friday night fucking at home.

Oh, I do.

Watching.

That's all he pictures.

That's literally all I want to do.

Just wasting away on the couch, you know, watching TV.

I can't fucking abide by that version of Q, not in my life.

There's nobody there to take pictures of him.

Yeah.

No, but I want to picture him as an fucking animal out there.

Yeah.

Tearing it up for the rest of us.

In someone's basement, fucking knocking shit over.

Yeah, I don't care.

I'll fucking

break everything in this house.

You can't keep me here.

Like, nobody's trying to keep you here.

Yeah, no, it's, you know, I think like if it was a

constant thing, it would be sad.

I think everybody's has it lost.

Let it loose on the weekend.

Like, you know, I think you do it like once.

I think everybody's entitled to go chop it up with their friends.

Oh, yeah, hell yeah.

You know, like they used to.

Yeah, absolutely.

Why are you, yeah, don't get defensive, yeah?

No, not defensive.

I think if it was like my regular life, I would be like, dude, this is.

When was the last time you let loose like that and you had a hangover?

Cruise?

Cruise, yeah.

But there's an excuse.

You got to, man.

That's what everybody expects.

They've got to see party out of the way.

Yes.

That's what they paid those exorbitant prices to see you

in a drunken stupor, almost in a coma.

Still being pulled by security from private party that you can't get into to private party that you can't get into.

Come on, ladies.

Yeah, yeah.

But, you know, I think for a night, it was good.

They're doing it again tonight.

They're all day.

You're out.

The whole cruise.

I'm out.

You're out.

Well, I leave.

Well, that's it.

Like, this is it.

What's today?

Saturday.

Monday, I'm gone for three weeks.

So I need a day.

I need a day.

Like, maybe you just fucking go right back to Pennsylvania.

Fucking do it all over again and then run and then get right to the airport right from there.

No sleep.

Sleep on the plane.

I got to kiss Boris's belly.

Yeah.

Give him scratches.

I got stuff to do tonight.

It's Saturday, Walt.

I'm going to order dominoes.

Sit on the couch and

watch Planet of the Apes.

Oh, speaking of, did you go see?

I did.

You know, I got stuck in.

All right, fucking, I got stuck in five hours of traffic the other day.

And I was like, I'm just pulling over.

I'm going to see a movie.

And then when I came out, the traffic was still fucking there.

So I extended it to seven hours.

But I saw the movie.

Didn't see it.

Oh, he's fucking good.

I went back and re-watched from the first one, not the very first one, the 70s, but the James Franco one.

Yeah.

Which, goddamn, if it isn't difficult to buy James Franco as a scientist these days.

He's got some clunky line reading.

Yeah, he really does.

But as they progressed, I liked them more and more to the point where I even went by myself yesterday to go see the latest one.

Yeah.

Because

Sage and Mary Beth don't like apes.

Okay.

Just in general.

It's just apes are.

Just talking ones?

Or just even ones that can't talk?

Even ones that can't talk.

Wow.

They don't like them.

They don't like monkeys.

They don't like apes.

They don't like any of it.

They're so close to us.

I know.

You look in their eyes and you're like, that's almost a human.

They fucking

could communicate on a level that's like

scary.

I've been watching a lot of baby chimpanzee videos.

And I want one.

I want an baby elephant and a baby chimpanzee.

Yeah.

That's all I want for Christmas.

That's not best.

That's doable.

That's what you want a zoo, basically.

Do you guys want to guess real quick?

I have a special guest coming in.

Do you want to take a guess?

Sure.

What kind of.

Just a random guess, or you're getting hints?

What kind of hint?

Like, what kind of questions can you ask?

Repeating guess or new?

Somebody who's been on the pod before.

Okay.

I'm going to guess Dave Windorf.

Dave Windorf.

That was my first, first.

But I don't know if he'd surprise us with Windorf.

Or come all the way out here.

I would have had him perform as Q came in like a big fucking loud

100 decibel song.

I have

probably two pounds of Wawa in my lower gut right now.

So that would have went over great.

He

shook my bowels with some rocking.

So anyway, Dave fucking does it.

He shakes bowels.

Okay.

Not Sunday Jeff.

It's not a common repeat guest.

No, it's somebody that hasn't been on in quite some time.

It's not Fitzman.

I wish it was Fitzman.

We were talking a little Fitzman earlier.

Fitzman's not into podcasting anymore.

He's not into TSD any longer.

Yeah, yeah, I understand.

We got to win him back, maybe after you get back post-600.

Yeah.

We got to fucking figure out a formula that's going to be.

Search for Fitzman.

Yeah, we've got to figure a way to get him back as a regular.

He turned his back on all podcasts, you said.

And the podcast medium in general.

He doesn't do it.

He doesn't listen to it.

We're getting off target here.

Okay, well, can it be Frank Five?

Did he take another 10-hour fucking round trip down here for no reason?

No, it is not Frank Five.

You know, we just bring him in?

Yeah.

Speculate off.

It's a him.

It's a him.

Well, how many fucking females have been on?

Yeah, really?

Pretty few.

Yeah.

The Apes is good, right?

You liked it, a new one?

I did like it, yeah.

Yeah.

It helped.

Because my first time I was like, two hours and 25 minutes.

Oh, boy.

But it held my interest the whole time.

Yeah.

And once I got over, I'm like, okay, I really have to pay attention to make sure I know which ape is which because they all look so fucking similar.

And they're all like, it reminds me of like Transformers in a way.

Like when the Transformers fight, you're like, who's who?

Who am I rooting for?

I'll figure it out, right?

So when the apes were fighting, I had to really keep close track of.

Yeah, it was cool.

I dug it.

I was into it.

You know, maybe didn't hit the third one so good, war.

It's just amazing.

So I don't know if it's going to hit the heights of that again,

but it was a good start to a new trilogy, I think.

Looked amazing, too.

Looked fucking great.

Yeah, the CGI is at the point where you're like, it's very difficult to tell.

Yeah, you're like, fuck, I'm looking at a talking orangutan or whatever the hell that thing is.

Yeah, and I'm buying it.

I'm sitting here.

I'm listening to him talking.

I'm buying it.

There was almost a point where I was watching it and I go to myself.

I was like,

I was like,

they're so good and they're so expressive that it's almost like I'm just watching humans now.

Like, the monkey, the monkey

novelty isn't really there anymore.

It's like, oh, I'm just watching a character.

Right.

Because they're doing all this human shit.

They're riding around on horses.

They're talking.

They're super emotive and expressive.

Yeah.

So, yeah.

And then they throw that sweet looking.

I mean, that girl was fucking pretty, man.

That girl, the human.

The Nova.

Nova.

Yeah.

I was like, well, all right.

I prove this casting.

I proved it, and then I saw a very short interview with her and one of the guys that does the voice.

I'm not sure which one.

And they were talking about how they're team ape and

humans are awful for the environment.

And probably, yeah, they're real.

Like, I guess they must have studied up on conservation while they were doing their ape movie, and now they're going to tell us all what we're doing wrong.

Oh, I thought you would agree with the people that are like the animals are better than.

Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm team ape for sure.

Yeah, yeah, right.

Yeah.

Well, but just they strap on those collars and start preaching.

I'm like, even if I'm 100% team ape, it makes me less Team Ape.

Yeah, fuck Team Ape.

Well, my thing is just like, look, like, she's pretty, and like, for a while, they weren't casting pretty people in movies.

Right.

So, if I'm going to get talked down to about the environment, like, at least she's.

Yeah, it's not like a Greta Funberg.

Holy shit.

Who's this?

Want to turn her around?

Who's this?

Holy fucking God.

What's up, bud?

How are you?

I think that one.

This one?

Yeah.

Here he is.

Yeah, I live right down the street, and I've never been here.

All right.

Well, welcome in, bro.

This is you.

Yeah, this is, well, this is my little sister.

This was my mom's dog, and I inherited her when mom

unfortunately left us two years ago.

But I've known her since she was a baby.

That's Carly.

She's just going to sniff around and she's a sweetheart.

She's a great dog.

You can't do that.

She is.

When's the last time Frank Drake was on Mike?

On TSD.

It's been a while.

The Olympic, the Laugh Olympics,

which was like, we didn't even have a follow-up after that, which I love, like

me and Walt, like on each other that whole time.

like, the competitiveness comes out.

Like, the two nerds are just like, they're like,

I don't remember Walt loving it that day.

Never again.

Well, I, you know, I, I could, you know, like I said, I could see a lot, you know, it's, it's the competitiveness.

It was, yeah, it always comes out.

Like, you think you're like, oh, we're just going to have fun.

And then anyone who's ever played any sports in their life, like, you know, you're just like, no, we can win this.

That was a fun day, though.

It was a fun day.

It was a fun day.

Yeah.

So, for anybody who's not versed in Frank 3, I guess when did we first meet?

We met at the.

I was thinking about this on the way.

And so

I know the timing because I was here for the first Tell them Steve Dave ever.

Like I'm pretty much the timeline I'm putting is 2012 was your first episode, right?

Because I was unemployed and I was just hanging around the stash.

And you guys

2010, sorry.

Sorry.

Different unemployments.

That was an unemployment too.

But I mean, I remember just, I had nothing to do.

So I was collecting like severance pay.

So was basically getting paid to do nothing until it was over, and I came down.

Still disappointed that it wasn't called joint counter joint.

But yeah, I remember being there the first one, you know, and like just not saying anything.

Like there's been a couple of times I've been in the room with you or Kev where I don't say anything.

I just...

have to do everything in my power not to laugh.

Like, you know, just listening to you guys.

Oh, she's peeing us up.

Oh, no.

Uh-oh, your sister peed on the rug.

She marks your territory.

I'll get them.

I got to get off and clean it up.

Sorry, I didn't take her before I went.

My bad.

I just gave her a bath, too.

Carly.

Wow.

There you go.

I guess we'll just leave that there.

Get him, handle it.

Well, you can pause it and I'll do it, or like, we can just keep going.

I'm sorry about that.

No, I don't do dogs.

What are you?

Are you talking to an animal guy, huh?

Well, yeah, and

I'd rather have the dog in here and pee than not be.

Is it a ton of piss?

No.

No.

A little piddle?

Yeah, I was running her around all day.

I actually just took her for a bath.

It was at Tractor Supply.

Oh, there's a tip, too.

Not a tip for Tractor Supply for dog animals.

They have pet wash stations and they're like $9.99 and they have everything included.

Like the shampoo, everything, like the dryer and everything.

So $10 and you can just go wash your dog yourself.

Anyway, moving on.

It's all wired today, this prank.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So what happened?

Where did you disappear for so many years?

I don't know.

Just doing my stuff.

He's a big traveler.

Yeah.

He's like a bigger one.

Yeah, and like, and then the last couple of years was tough, man.

Like, you know, again, like, you know, I'm going to beat a dead horse, but it was like COVID into mom getting cancer into like a 14-month cancer battle.

And then, you know, then, and then since then, it's just been, you know, kind of just, I don't know, it's been two years.

You know, it's just settling back into shit.

You know, I still keep tabs on all you guys

around.

How do you keep tabs on us?

We haven't seen it.

The internet.

The internet.

All right.

Hopefully not Reddit, because

that might not be accurate.

Didn't we say this a long time ago?

It's like, don't read Reddit.

Reddit is like,

I don't want to get the Redditors on me, but whatever.

It's too late.

You disappeared.

I know, probably.

Well, it doesn't matter.

I'm just some dude that they know with an annoying voice.

I believe that's my, my, that's my, I need to put that on a t-shirt.

We don't, we don't see many Franks anymore.

Just Frank, Frank Five, pretty much.

Frank for no.

Yeah, you know, that too.

Maybe I'm a little jealous.

Like, you know, the other Franks just took over, and I was like, Frank Five really took over.

I don't have time for this, man.

And, like, you know, I like Frank Five.

I met him.

He's like, he's a really awesome dude.

Like, we know a lot of the, you know, the same stupid pop culture references.

It's like, I'd like to challenge him to a meeting of the, you know,

to that stuff that he, like, like, he does 80s movies and stuff.

Because, you know, forget it, you know, my carburetor.

She's really drinking a lot of water.

You sure she's going to be okay?

Oh, she's okay.

Like I said, we've been running around all day.

She was excited.

I mean, in terms of like, she's not going to

mitigate upon the carpet.

She will not.

She's just like strange places.

I'm sorry.

That usually does not happen, but that's my fault too.

I should have taken her before I came in.

Nobody's blaming the dog.

I told her to do it.

I was like, I was like, fuck these guys, man.

Come in here and piss all over the rug.

I know.

She's a sweetheart, right?

You can tell right just by looking at her.

The other thing, too, is like, so she's got the pit mix in her.

You'll see it maybe.

She'll smile at you, which is really funny.

People that aren't dog people are like, she's snorling at me.

I'm like, and her like tails, her ass is wagging her tail.

I'm like, does she look angry?

Nice.

I had a question for you, Q.

Yeah.

Because, you know, if I find a funny, you're into cats.

I got yelled at last night for looking at cat videos.

Too many cat videos?

In the diner.

Yeah, that I was told to, why are you looking at so many fucking cat videos, man?

What's in the video?

Yeah, I meant to, you could say.

It's mainly what I use the internet for.

Because I will send you cat videos.

If I see some cute ones, I'll send them to you.

I saw a cute elephant video, and I hesitated because I'm like, Walt's a different kind of guy.

Walt just recently told us that he loves

baby elephants.

And I saw a really cute baby elephant video, but I'm like, he said it on the show.

I'm sure his email blew up with baby elephant videos.

And all I'm going to be doing is annoying him.

So I held back.

I didn't get any baby elephants.

You didn't get any?

No, nobody sent me any.

Really?

So if I see some good ones, I can send them to you.

Absolutely.

Send them my way.

Yeah.

I was just like, I just, I don't know.

It felt like...

Different than when I send them to you.

He's going to be like, what's this gay shit?

Stop.

Because you know if Walt, you're annoying Walt.

He just doesn't answer you.

Yeah, no, you'll like it.

It's a ray of sunshine.

What's that?

Getting little animal.

Oh, yeah.

I watch him all the time.

What's not the love, right?

Look at this guy.

He's got a tire on his head.

It's scary, man.

So I missed last week.

I had a migraine and something happened post-migraine.

Oh.

It's pretty fucking freaky.

What?

So

I've had maybe one or two migraines in my entire life.

And I had one last week.

And I had to go into my walk-in closet and lay down in the closet, close the door, and because there's absolutely no windows, then

I put a wet rag on my head, and I fell asleep for 11 hours.

Whoa.

And then the next day, I felt good, felt fine.

And I had to meet with, me and the missus went down to see my daughter and her boyfriend and have lunch.

And I had this, I tell them this, I was telling them about this.

Usually I never talk about dreams.

There's nothing more boring than hearing somebody else's dreams.

But this is so fucking freaky that

I told him that I had a dream that my daughter stopped by and wanted me to watch her kitten because she got a kitten.

And she also sprung it on me that

she also purchased a baby monkey.

Oh, nice.

So I had to watch the baby monkey and the baby kitten for a couple hours.

And it was early in the morning.

And she said, don't even get up because I was sleeping when she came in and told me because I'll just throw them on the bed and I'll just sleep here.

They'll just snuggle up up to you and the baby monkey snuggled up to me like a teddy bear and just hugged me and fell asleep.

This is some dream so far.

Great dream.

So far it turns into a nightmare in a second because I hear like this crying and like this kitten whimpering and I wake and I open my eyes and the cat is like his ear was bitten off by the monkey and there's blood all over the bed and everything.

So I'm telling this at that red robin and both my daughter and her boyfriend look at each other and their faces go pale.

And like, what's going on?

What's the matter?

I was like, it's just a dream.

And

they're like,

you're screwing with us, they said.

And I was like, no, they're like, yesterday

we were this close to go.

There's somebody in our development where we live that is selling a monkey and we were going to go look at it.

Oh, my God.

And now I think I'm clairvoyant since I had the migraine.

Oh, wow.

It was like the dead zone.

And, you know, it's fucked up last night.

I had a dream that Frank 3

was here.

And now he texted me this morning.

You did?

Yeah.

That's why when I found you did oh my god, that's really weird.

When I texted you and I was like, Frank 3, all those question marks?

Can I tell the story about why I thought of Walter?

So like today I stopped by the Dollar Tree for some reason, right?

And I walked in and I was walking around the aisles, right?

And the dude that stocks the Dollar Tree was like stocking the shelves and he was listening to

kiss uh heaven's on fire heavens on fire through his cell phone speaker in his back pocket.

Right.

And there was like two people I texted.

One is my friend Jeff, and the other one was I thought it was him.

Just like, because like kiss weirdos, right?

And like, that was it.

That was, it made me think of Walter just out of nowhere.

And I saw the last time I texted him was like 2021 in the fall, I think.

Wow.

Is that weird?

I think it's weird.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you think there's some possibility that this migraine now has opened up my third eye?

Nice.

I'm not ready to rule it out.

Yeah.

It's possible.

I mean, didn't like Terrell Davis play the Super Bowl?

Like it was like half blind, like right with a migraine and then he like won the MVP.

That's right.

Yeah, like a monkey, like it's not a common.

It's not a common dream.

Yeah, so to have done it, something's in the air.

And if something's in the air, then that means that you have some sort of psychic antenna for it.

Yeah, so I'm going to keep you guys.

We're in overkill now.

We're into overkill areas.

So if I have dreams about you guys, you know, please just don't disregard the text that I send you if I ever do.

No, you got to text me immediately upon waking up if something's going on.

Okay, I will.

But I haven't had any dreams about you, though, lately.

That's weird.

So,

it blew them away that you were dreaming about.

Oh, yeah, it really screwed with them.

And they were like, and my daughter was like, I kept saying, like, she was saying it almost like, I want to get them, like, I want to buy a baby monkey.

I want to buy a baby monkey.

But they were kind of only wanted to go look at it.

They weren't seriously going to buy it.

They wanted to be like, go in the guise of like they're interested because they're like, I want to see what a.

They just want to meet a baby monkey.

Yeah.

But

they were just like

dumbstruck, yeah.

And they thought for sure

that

somehow I had prior knowledge.

But now, did you

offer up your theories that you're clairvoyant to them?

No, I don't want to fucking totally fuck with them,

weird them out, and be like,

Your daddy's Christopher Walken.

They're like, who?

What?

No, he's Anthony Repper.

No, he's Anthony Michael Hall.

Oh, no, wait.

Then you don't get that one either.

Might be time to remake the Dead Zone.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, shit.

It's great.

What is this, a kitten?

That's the kitten my daughter picked up.

Oh, so you got a kitten?

My daughter did get a kitten.

Yeah, it was at the office for a couple days.

Oh, how cool, man.

And she had to do something, and I named it.

It's a pretty cat.

And Gidum was good enough and nice enough enough to watch it for 48 hours for us.

Oh, he's awesome.

He's a great cat.

It's totally turned me around.

Like, I think I might be getting a cat soon.

Yeah.

Turn to a cat guy?

I might be.

Oh, gosh.

Another one we're going to lose.

No, I'm still going to keep the dogs.

Like I said, also, I don't know if I know this.

It's been a while since you've been around here, but I'm really trying to figure out a way that I can skate the laws in Jersey to get a baby elephant, too.

Well, I mean, that lady, right?

The tiger lady in Jackson, right?

Like, there was that lady

that had tigers for a while, like, before Tiger King.

Like, I don't know.

I don't want a dangerous animal, though.

I forget.

I don't know.

It's like those weird collections.

You know, like full-size elephants.

But elephants bring problems, too.

Don't like people.

There'sn't like activists now.

People will be like, don't have that in captivity.

They're not allowed at the circus anymore.

Well, what is the plan once the elephant reaches of an age that you know?

Isn't there something I could do, some sort of surgery I could find maybe overseas that could like they could snip a couple things and the baby?

Like pillow babies.

Yeah.

We were talking about that.

Like seedless watermelons?

Maybe start with a cat.

Why don't you start with a cat?

You need to walk him?

Her?

I'm checking.

Yeah, why don't you take it away?

They come back up.

I will.

The door will be open.

I'll read some spots.

And there's some paper towels out there, too.

I'm a fan of see.

You're not making a good impression.

No, she is.

She's freaked out by the Baron outside.

Oh, yeah.

She's great.

She did like a double take, so I was like, what the hell is that?

She's a perfect little angel.

Please.

Yeah.

Well, he's taking his dog for a walk.

That's what I promised my mom.

I'm going to read this real fast.

Oh, you got ads?

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Yeah, but I think the way you do that is by cutting off people's access to the internet, not by shutting down the internet.

That's what they're doing.

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Oh, okay.

Yeah.

Hmm.

All right.

So not as

it's harder than it seems then to shut down just the whole entire dark web.

Well, there's a theory, too, that the reason they let the dark web go is so they know where to keep tabs on people.

Yeah, they do bust people.

They are able to infiltrate and get in there.

Yeah.

Get some people.

So it's like the dark web gives them a place to snoop.

So it's not anonymous, then?

We've reached the end of my knowledge on that.

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ExpressVPN is super secure.

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Until you make a fucking supercomputer that's as powerful as a billion other supercomputers, and then it takes takes you a minute.

Right.

Yeah.

So let's hope that never happens.

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What's this cat's name?

Pumpkin.

Pumpkin.

This is a cool boy.

It's a boy.

Kidd him?

We don't know.

Okay.

It's got a boy-like attitude to it.

Oh, yeah.

He's very rambunctious.

Yeah, very cool.

He loves to play.

Yeah, man.

Dope.

What are we talking about?

Sorry, go ahead.

Right now?

He keeps putting pictures of the kids on the TV.

And I told you I have a problem.

Well, I know you're going to be interested in this, Q, because you just asked me about this.

Factor.

Factor's no prep, no mess meals.

Oh, we're out of that.

We're rolling right into another one.

Did you give all the details?

Yeah, I gave all the details on the other one.

While you guys weren't listening, I'm making sure they all get in there.

Factor, I like.

Yeah, I know.

I remember we were speaking about QQ's, he's eating right.

He's trying to get healthy.

That'll be starting in three weeks.

But I had a bunch of factor, man.

Even a fucking...

Like a caveman dope like me was able to make these great things because you just preheat your oven at 375 to seven minutes, pop it in for a few minutes, and then you got a great meal.

Is BQ a caveman in the kitchen?

He orders a lot.

Yeah,

you're not making recipes.

Not a lot of pan rattling in my back in the woods.

Yeah, you know,

I order in a lot.

I eat a lot.

What I've been doing lately is when I'm leaving set,

I'll have them order like a meal.

Yeah.

You know, for me, I'll have it ready for you.

And then I just grab it on the way to the car and eat that at home.

You know, that sort of thing.

That's what you can do when you're the boss.

I know.

I'm the boss.

You can get a $12 sandwich.

I feel like I got over on somebody.

I can identify with you totally.

Like when I usually bring in

cold McDonald's cookies, and I have my boy Friday

run over to the microwave, and he knows the exact time to make those cookies so hot and gooey.

That's why we keep them around.

Right?

What's the exact second rate?

You don't know?

I thought you had it down to a science.

Oh, you don't want to tell me.

Yeah, yeah, job security.

So Honor 48 over there.

He ain't no fucker.

He's no idiot.

The fact that you're his boss and he has to tell you if you want to know, I guess.

He's heating up cookies for a living.

Except he's a genius.

He's holding on to it.

They're taking everything else away.

Hang with a kitten.

Let's see.

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Listen to this stuff that Q's eating over here.

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Nice.

They had a pesto tortellini that I can heartily recommend.

What is that?

It's just tortellini with some pesto sauce on it.

It was great.

Tortellini's.

I don't know tortellini even.

Tortellini is like a cheese-stuffed,

almost like donut.

A doughnut.

A healthy donut, though.

No, it's a mini tiny like donut with cheese in it.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

But it's, you know, but it's made of pasta, not donut.

Oh, look at this fucking guy.

Where did they get this kitten?

Pennsylvania.

They just found him?

They went to a shelter and they

were, you know, they picked out a kitten, and that's their kitten.

This is a great cat.

yeah he is yeah that's a great cat i sorry get him keeps pulling it up i'll buy it i was distracting everybody with these two kittens

playing with the baron look at that cone

yeah beautiful so where you're off to london i am uh in los angeles for a week then i'm uh then i'm in kansas city for a charity thing for four days uh and then i get back i'm back for one day i go to the cricket world series with ian k morris uh you're going to that i'm going to that in in New York.

Oh, it's in New York.

It's in New York.

And then the day after that, I go to London for eight days.

Yeah.

It's weird that the Cricket World Series is in New York.

It's definitely cricket.

It might be the American Cricket World Series, you know, how they call everything.

They are seeing it.

The sport, it's wild.

I have.

It's interesting.

Yeah, yeah.

I haven't seen Ian

in a couple of years, so this is going to be great.

Oh, that's right.

Ian K.

Morris.

Ian K.

Morris.

It's been a long time.

Yeah, you haven't mentioned his name.

You haven't dropped that name in

ages.

We do talk, but

he hasn't been coming to New York, so I haven't had a reason to bring him on or anything.

But we're going to do that, and then I'm in London for a bunch of days.

Touristy things or no, just...

I'm doing some touristy things.

I'm going to see the Mets are playing the Phillies

in London.

So I'm going to that game.

It's going to be fun.

Yeah, test out.

Why do they do stuff like that?

Just to increase the interest in the sport?

Yeah.

Yeah.

Make it more of a world game.

Yeah.

Yeah.

yeah, it'll be good.

I'm excited, but it's a long time away from home.

I'm basically like not home.

My assistant's moving in for three weeks, yeah, to take care of her, uh, take her.

Boris and the cats, yeah.

So, uh, so it's a long, it's a bit much.

How are you going to do laundry on the road?

Uh, I'm going to ship it.

It doesn't clearly, it doesn't give a fuck.

Uh, what I'll do is, I'll have I'll pack uh three different things of luggage and have them just set up.

So when I come home from one trip and I'm home for 42 hours, 24 hours, I'll just swap out the whole

next one.

Yeah.

You're not taking an assistant?

No, no.

I never do.

Do you need a Boy Friday?

No, I'm all right.

Heat up your cookies.

I feel bad for her.

I never bring her anywhere.

Okay.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You need someone to do your laundry, though.

They have to take three suitcases.

Well, that's at home.

No, but if you bring your boy Friday with you, you can do your laundry.

It's just cheaper to ship the laundry.

You just have to bring Boy Friday.

You know, he's got all the quarters in his pocket that you need.

I know, but you got to fly Boy Friday.

Put them up.

Those quarters won't work in London.

That's true.

And that is fucking fucking...

He's totally toast then.

Because he won't know what to do.

If the quarters don't work there,

then it's game over.

What the fuck, Friday?

Yeah, it'll be good.

It has been a long time since I've been to London.

And you know me, this is also like providing I'm not like a day before I leave being like, ah, fuck it.

Right.

Yeah, I'm not going.

Really?

You could, at the last second, you could fucking torpedo the whole trip?

I've done it before.

I want to.

Oh, I'm going to Vegas, too.

It's LA, Vegas, Kansas City, and London.

Yeah.

You're going to run yourself ragged, Q.

This is going to be a rough three weeks.

I'm calling it the fun gauntlet.

I'm in the midst of it.

I'm going to the sphere to see the Grateful Dead play.

Have you ever nicknamed your upcoming vacation?

No.

I usually call it two or three days.

Well, California's work.

And then Vegas is the sphere.

And then AEW with the wrestling thing.

Have fun at the sphere, dude.

It's awesome.

Well, that's why I'm going.

Yeah.

I was there for fish all four nights.

I heard that robot was pretty fucked up.

Yeah.

So that, and then AEW is doing a wrestling thing in Vegas.

I'm going to hit that.

Who's playing at the Sphere?

Grateful Dead and Dead.

Dead Forever, this version is.

Oh, so it's a cover band?

No, it's John Mayer and the surviving members of the original.

Well, minus the drummer, they've they fired him, the original drummer.

Or he decided just like they said, I forgot.

Yeah, you were into the dead for like a minute.

I remember.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, I kept up with it quietly, though.

Did you ever see him, Kim?

I saw Dead and Co.

I never saw him.

You ever saw the crap for that?

No.

Yeah.

I'm old.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I wish I had.

He does a good job.

I mean, they do a good job.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Sooner's fine.

You know, I'll be in the center.

That'd be good.

That place is just, wow, it's just, it's just,

don't do any mask or anything.

Well, I've heard from the wall.

Well, while you're in the sphere,

I've heard it could really fuck with you.

The coolest thing about that, one of the coolest things is that the seats, the seats are haptic, right?

So you can sit down and you feel the bass in your back and your ass.

Like it's like literally like a subwoofer that you're sitting.

Master magnet.

Yeah, it's going to be very butt-shaking.

So, yeah, it's a lot.

It's a lot.

Who's your dream act to play in the sphere?

If you could pick any act while you're there.

living and dead?

Just living.

Living.

I don't know.

I don't know.

Why, who?

G and R?

Metallica.

Metallica would be fucking good.

Metallica would be a good idea.

They do it, right?

I think me, I'd probably pick Ace Railey.

Yeah.

That's how much you liked him, huh?

Yeah, that was impressive.

I was.

The sound in that.

How many does it seat the sphere?

It's like 17,000.

It's like the same size as MSG.

He could do 17,000 one show.

The dead tickets apparently are like a lot of people last minute just couldn't just do it or whatever.

There were like some $25 tickets.

Oh, the sphere?

Yeah, there are people that didn't like, you know, that didn't get them ahead of time.

$25?

Yeah.

I mean, they're putting so many nights that, like, you know, and again, it's like people got excited, but, you know, you think about it, you got to go to Vegas.

Like, it's, it's a lot of money.

It's a lot of money, yeah.

But the ticket price is very,

I think that, I think the grateful, I think the the dead ones were about $125 the fish ones were like $213 a night or something like that was the face value it's expensive because it costs money to do all that production for that giant screen and you there's really not a lot of reuse for it so you're putting all that work into that one screen the business side of the business side I heard about is you got to sell out like seven nights to break even yeah fish lost money but they got intel like on how everything works so I think they're they'll be back to that I'm sure

what about you briefly would you like to see one act in the sphere?

One act, huh?

Because you're going to Vegas too, right?

I'll be there.

Yeah.

When you go there?

End of the month.

I think

the 28th through the 1st or something like that.

Or the 2nd?

Yeah, something like that.

The dead is still there.

You should go see them.

Will they?

Yeah.

I can't tell you how little interest I have in going to see the Grateful Dead.

I really like their music.

I would just stay for the trucking song and then I'm out because that's the only song I know.

Yeah.

Obviously, I was a dad back in the day.

My vote was Tool.

Tool.

I think Tool.

Like, just because I think he would do crazy stuff with that screen.

Like, really.

But who are you picking?

Are you picking Joe Satriani?

No, I think I'm going to pick the original lineup of Merciful Feet.

King Diamond.

Yeah, a little King Diamond.

I don't know if they could sell 17 seats, let alone 7.

Probably not.

1,000.

Like that front row.

That's all I care about.

So, Walt to nerd out the sound system.

It's like laser beam sounds.

So they can just bounce the sound all over the room, like different things.

At one point, I heard the bass behind me.

I heard the guitar over here, and they can, like, there's like 140,000 little speakers in the sphere that they can just direct the sound wherever they want.

It's crazy.

I mean, it's too bad that he's not allowed to speak on Mike, but I wanted to tell you, like, Giddam has been honing.

He does a fucking killer Ace-Frail impersonation.

Oh, really?

He's been cracking up the building, not just the office.

Like, he goes around the building.

Ron one and Ron two are just like, do your ace, do your ace.

Yeah.

Gadget.

I wish he was able to be on Mike.

Maybe post 600, we can hear Giddam's Ace Fraile.

Brian, you can attest to it.

It's fucking sad.

It makes me laugh.

Yeah, it really makes me laugh.

What episode number is this?

598.

This is 598.

Okay.

Wait, does he do both, like speaking ace and singing ace?

Because they're kind of different voices.

The New York accent really comes in hard when he's talking.

He does a lot of speaking.

He hasn't honed his singing ace voice yet, but the speaking one is just dead on for anybody who likes it.

I hope everybody gets to hear it one day.

Hopefully, well, I mean, it'd be a criminal if

we would never get to hear it.

If he loses, and we never, and only people who get to hear it are people in the room, it's a loss of humanity.

That's a lot to lose.

I have here, um,

I'm not sure if you're aware of this, but every month now is like this month or that month, you know.

Sure, uh, May, National Masturbation Month.

Oh, all right.

All right.

So it depends on who's making this,

really.

I don't know.

I've read this in the post, but

I can give you your basically

your sex horoscope.

Yeah, it's based upon your birthday.

All right.

Your birth sign?

So, all right, I'll go Frank 3 first.

What's your birthday?

May 4th, Star Wars Day is my birthday.

I just turned 50 years old.

Oh,

how'd that feel?

Was it like a traumatic thing or was it just another day?

I felt I'm healthier than I was at 40.

I'm healthier than I was at 40, which is, you know, I feel better at 50 than I do at 40, which is weird.

But a lot of people, you know, they get the

big

hurdle to get over

the big 5-0.

Yeah.

And it's funny, like, you know, like you have member berries or whatever, like reminisce.

And just hearing that song today, like, I was like, yeah, I got to reach out to like, you know, my friends more.

Like, you know, they disappear for a while.

Like, stuff like it kind of, yeah, stuff like that dawns on you.

It's like, you know, most people.

Running out of time.

But yeah,

Taurus.

So I'm Taurus, the bull.

So you're a Taurus.

If anyone knows how to treat themselves, it's a Taurus.

There's no other sign that will go to the ends of the earth for ultimate luxury, and you deserve it.

No frills, no gimmicks.

You just you and a partner learning to love your bodies as much as you love theirs.

I thought this was a masturbatory

reading.

The partner.

Sexual horror scheme.

Well, this is one-on-one.

Mutual masturbation.

All right.

This is mutual, yeah.

Yeah, that's what it says.

The beauty of mutual masturbation is that it doesn't have to be in person.

For those dating or in a long-distance relationship, why not try a steamy video call?

I have done that, actually.

I have a steamy video call?

Long-distance relationship, man, for like a year.

That was a while ago.

So it's spot on, apparently, according to Frank.

All right.

Who wrote this?

Walt Flanagan?

This is a lady.

National Masturbation Month.

What's March 40?

What's the Pisces?

Is that YouCube?

Yeah.

You're a Pisces.

Let me find out.

Hold on.

Does it say Strip Club Blue Balls?

Pisces.

All right.

Well, I'm coming across Scorpio.

That's Walt, right?

All right.

We'll do Walt first.

Which one is...

Sometimes I am not a Scorpio, depending upon the.

Oh, you're one of those cussed people.

Yeah, sometimes.

I don't know what the one is.

Libra.

Yeah, sometimes I'm a Libra, according to a newspaper.

Some other papers, I'm a Scorpio.

Let's see.

Scorpio.

It would be hard to read.

Scorpios are mysterious and somewhat elusive.

Oh, fuck you.

Maybe it's time to be more direct.

Whether you ask a partner to masturbate in front of you or you just try a new genre of porn.

It's an exciting discovery.

A new genre.

Put that cookie down.

A new genre.

Are you talking?

A new porn.

To try a new genre, yeah.

So whatever you've been watching.

Some genres.

Some genres I know are not for me.

There's a lot of genres that are not for me.

Like you, you look at the Reddit list of all the different porn categories.

Like, 99% of them are like, I don't know what this is.

And then the other 1%, I'm like, I don't know.

Even the domination of the stepsister stuff now.

Like, I'm just not, I don't have a stepsister, but I'm not.

And they always focus on that.

Like, oh, I'm your stepsister.

I'm like, why did this?

Like the Cinderella thing?

I guess so.

It's just.

I never got it either, but I don't have sisters.

I mean, I have a real sister, but even still, like, you know, like they couldn't make it straight up incest.

So they're like, they like focus on the step part.

I don't know.

Like, all of a sudden, it was like it's it was like it felt like one of those who have that just dominated your stuff you're like is that my algorithm get over the hurdle they got to put the step in there

ethical pornography

we don't want to get sued let's speak q uh q they're recommending that he dip his toe into a sex party well

i should have joined de rose in that

kingdom throne is that where they were headed to when you decided you had to make your way up to the general store to record an episode stop watching cat videos and wiggle out there's no doubt they're going back tonight uh

Let's see: imaginative and intuitive are two words that sum up a Pisces, two traits that work hand in hand for an orgy.

Yeah, this month, maybe attend a sex party.

You don't have to participate, you can just watch.

I basically did last night.

This is great.

All right, I'll see what I can do.

What am I going to do?

Go to a sex party and watch, and like

a bunch of sweaty people around

they're going to want to talk to me.

I don't know.

Get a picture cue.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Well, if you're feeling nervous, take someone with you.

It could be a partner, a friend, or a new love interest.

Hey, take me.

I'm your friend.

That's cool.

We'll go to a sex party together.

We'll check shit out.

I went to a sex club years ago.

With the party.

Never went.

How was it?

It was quite boring.

I went to one of those shows in Amsterdam.

Something going on.

Oh, yeah?

What type of show?

It was like a sex show.

It was like on stage.

It was weird.

It was like, you know, it was, you know, it was the first time we were there, and everybody was like, oh, you know, go see the sex show.

And you were like, this is kind of like, it was just weird.

Yeah, right.

You're like, man, man.

It kind of reminded me of the end of, what the hell is that movie?

I can't think of it with Jennifer.

What's her name?

There's like the sex party.

And

it's just like people stopped.

Eyes wide shut.

No, not eyes wide shut.

The other one with Jarrett Leto.

I can't think of it now at the end.

Suicide Squad?

Nope.

Yeah.

What about you, Brian?

Me?

Of course.

It doesn't work out for me, really.

It does.

A fire sign for a reason.

Sagittarius loves to challenge their boundaries and explore.

Luckily, masturbation May is the month for exploring.

Try elevating your masturbation routine by popping in a butt plug.

What the fuck?

Why do you guys get to go to sex parties and watch people masturbate?

I've got to stick a butt plug in.

I don't know, but go for it.

Do it.

They're obviously assuming other people have already done that, I guess.

Yeah, try this on your own before introducing it to a partner so you can get comfortable and acquainted with that incredible feeling.

Top tip, use lube, and lots of it.

What the fuck?

Would you have been ignorant and tried to go no lube?

Yeah, I would have won him dry.

So that's something that doesn't interest you then.

Well, what's Giddams?

What's his birthday?

Do you know?

What's your birthday?

It's in the.

This bird sign?

It's sometime in

the spring.

What's your birth sign?

Just type it up there.

Before we do this, this is good too.

No, no, we're gonna go all the way through it.

This is our

Gemini.

So he's a Gemini?

A bunch of dudes.

Oh, yeah, there's a lot of dudes going on.

Oh, there you go.

I knew it.

Let me see.

I called it.

A lot of people did.

A lot of people said it.

We're saying.

Let's see.

We know that if they could, a Gemini would clone themselves.

There aren't enough hours in the day, right?

But many bodies can become one in another way.

Uh-oh.

While defying traditional romantic relationships doesn't come without a few challenges, solo partnered in three-way sex along with masturbation can be seductive, romantic, and steamy hot.

So they're telling him to have a threesome.

Wow, you really are getting the shit out of me.

I really, yeah, Sagittarius.

I think Giddam's getting gay threesome.

I know.

Do you agree with that, Giddam, that there's not enough hours in a day, you can't get all the shit done that you want to get done?

Really?

How many times have I walked in and you're fucking sleeping on that couch?

There's not enough times in a day in the middle of the fucking afternoon.

And you don't think I'm coming in and I pop in and you're fucking snoring and tearing

the plaster off the walls.

Feather going up on your back.

You think the monster magnet's in here playing bass?

Yeah, so that's National Masturbation Month.

They just like

it's national this day, it's national this week, it's national this month.

Like people really are bored enough that they have to come up with all this shit.

Like it's hamburger day.

It's all become meaningless.

Yeah.

Well,

those industries, though, wanted the ability to try to somehow maybe have a spike in sales for hamburgers, the meat industry, the butt plug industry.

Is there some overseer board that you have to apply to and be like, hi, I'd like it to be national, you know, whatever day?

We could declare, what month are we in?

May.

We could just declare it.

Tell them.

See, that's what we need to do.

Oh, wait, didn't we?

Yeah, we had like a

TSD Mayo.

TSD Cinco de Mayo.

Oh, yeah, what happened?

Cinco TSD Mayo.

I just gave up on it?

Yeah.

We could have done something on stage at Radio City.

At Radio City?

That's when we did May 5th.

That's when we played.

Speaking of which, we were at a group text about Jimmy the Hare guy going to Stern.

He was at the Sirius building.

I heard it.

And you heard it.

Now, did he mention Tell him Steve Dave at all?

I want to call him on the carpet if he didn't.

Not that I heard.

Why would you think he would?

He should.

Because

I wrote it.

I was like, you're officially part of the WACPAC now.

And then he goes, nah, I'm telling him Steve Dave WACPAC all the way.

Oh, wow.

He did a good job, actually.

He was very un-Jimmy-like.

You know, that, like, did you hear it?

No.

I was just driving and I heard his voice and I was like, holy fuck, that's Jimmy the Hare.

And he told me he was going, so I was happy for him.

But he was very, I thought he came across very

charismatic, like very well put together.

Like, he was, I was, I thought he was a good representation of us.

But i'm still on that jimmy the hair guy high you know from the cruise it's hard to come down off that high yeah it is it is it can last for years well gondo said he did well yeah i do think he thought that he did well yeah well gondo who was uh finally he gets on tv and you steal his fucking thunder he told you about this yes

what happened the guy fiery show oh there he is it was jimmy the hair guy oh okay yeah

oh rob that picture of rob is a great one yeah oh it is a good one

couldn't he say he was talking about juggalo stuff too or something like that i think think he was talking about juggalo stuff he was talking about uh hanging out with shaggy too dope

uh yeah it was good

it's a dream come true for him yeah

i know he's a big stern guy

um yeah huge huge right but anyway yeah the guy fieri show i guess um

there's a restaurant down in asbury park that Ladono goes to all the time.

It's his favorite vegan restaurant.

And they asked him to come down and do a little bit on it, you know, talk to Guy Fieri.

i've never seen the show so i'm not exactly sure what they do i believe they interview people though right like they interview you about like your favorite uh for the section he was doing yeah he's like you're a customer of this restaurant we want to ask you why you love it what you love about the food so they brought uh

they brought in ladondo to be the you know customer testimonial i believe for this vegan restaurant And he was excited to be shooting with Guy.

And I was shooting with Guy the same day.

I don't see how that's stealing it from him.

Don't think it's stealing the spotlight a little bit.

Are you guys going to be on the same episode?

I think we are going to be in the same episode.

Not the same episode.

They're going to fucking fast forward through his shit.

I can't help

that.

No, we took him.

Satando.

I think a lot of people would like to hear what he has to say.

You think so?

Then why don't you ever put him on IJ?

I'll come put him on IJ.

Oh, you've been saying that for years.

We haven't had the opportunity yet.

No?

No.

How does it come up?

There's other people

still waiting to get get on to.

My brothers haven't been on.

No?

All right.

We don't just throw people on willy-nilly.

We need a reason for them.

All right.

Yeah.

We have high standards.

How many times have I been on?

Very high.

Yeah.

Did you see the Portland, I mean the Dublin New York portal?

Yeah, I got closed down by some chick that was like showing her tits.

Yeah, the girls that were flashing.

And then on the Dublin side, there were guys that were like they were holding up their phones, and it was like 9-11, like pictures of the towers grew.

Gosh, why would they do that?

I don't know.

I don't know.

They said that they're going to try to use tits.

That's one thing, but AI to defeat those kind of offensive images to blur them.

Like if the girl goes up and flashes her tits, they're going to try to use AI to blur them on the other side.

All right.

Which I don't know.

What a waste of AI.

Yeah.

I create this.

Don't you think Declan should be there, though, like flashing his junk?

Dave.

I'll show you, Yanks.

Your gorgeous, beautiful tits.

She was the one who was flashing the boobs.

It's an OnlyFans girl, so probably.

And

they want to stop that?

Yeah, there she is.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, I want to give a shout out to Declan.

He's going under the knife on Monday.

And so much.

He's got an operation.

I don't know.

He's been cagey about what it is.

Oh, shit, man.

I hope he's not getting his knees fixed.

No, he couldn't do that to us.

But you definitely want to

send some

good luck and love his way

for a guy who's,

you know, I'm sure everybody gets a little nervous.

You know,

it's a major surgery, assuming it's a major surgery.

Yeah, he has to stay overnight, he said.

Yeah.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

I wonder if it's usually when guys don't want to talk about it, it's usually...

junk-related ball problems.

Yeah.

Oh, you think he's got some ball problems?

Don't we all at a certain point?

I mean, you got to have some ball problems now.

You hit that big 5-0.

You know,

not too many.

I'm okay.

I guess many.

Little stumbles here and there.

You know, they hang down sometimes.

You know,

lower than usual, I guess, as you get older.

Some women like that, man.

Do I?

Statistically speaking.

That curb long ball, Larry.

That was like, that's, that was, forget it.

Can you get a corrective surgery for that?

Can you get your balls raised?

Lift?

You've got to be able to do it.

I'll bet you.

I mean, there's no way.

Yeah, if you get a butt lift, those Brazilian butt lifts, you're going to have a.

If not, does anybody know what a doctor is?

Can you invent that?

Can you copyright that?

Scrotum lifts.

Yeah.

There's nobody that fucking insane.

That's like

these are hanging in your middle.

The girls do it for their thing.

They're all for my liking.

The girls do it for their thing, right?

They get like vaginal rejuvenation surgery or something.

But those things look like they stick.

Only when they look like they had an M80 stomach.

Webbed penis.

What's that?

Scrotoplasty.

Treats conditions like buried penis and webbed penis.

Webbed penis.

Surgeons also use scrotum plasty to create new scrotums as part of gender affirmation surgery.

You're talking about a facelift.

Buried penis.

Sagging or enlarged scratum.

Yeah, scrotum.

Scratum.

Scrotum.

Older adults.

Or the scrotums naturally begin to sag.

Cosmetic reasons.

I can't imagine spending that much money.

BQ.

How low does it have to hang before you're like, you know what, I got to look into this?

Mid-thigh.

That low?

Yeah, I mean, mid-thigh.

I'm like, all right, maybe I should.

You can't wear a bathing suit.

Yeah.

I mean, yeah, I mean, that's.

What makes him hang so low?

Touch the toilet water?

What does it

age?

You guys are older than me.

You tell me.

Mine feel like they're underneath my chin.

They're so fucking tight.

Yeah,

it depends on the weather, the temperature, right?

Webbed penis.

The guy in my firehouse, he used to sit on his balls.

I was so sanggy.

Wasn't that a mistake?

That's a Mr.

Belvedere story, right?

There's a Mr.

Belvedere story about that from the show, like that guy about sitting on his testicles.

Oh, yeah, Captain Longnuts.

He took me for that boat ride.

How long were his nuts?

Oh, they were hanging out of the shorts, yeah.

But then again, it was the 70s, so the shorts are probably a little shorter.

Yeah, they're probably panties.

Yeah, yeah.

These are little panties.

So webbed penises,

some people have a sail of skin connecting their scrotums to the shaft of their penises and creates a web-like appearance.

All right.

It's like Spider-Man.

Yeah.

Check this out, Mary Jane.

Shoot this rope back down.

Duck foot.

It's one of those things that like with your partner, like

if they were to say something, then maybe you would get.

How do they skirt around that?

Delicately.

Yeah, maybe, I don't know.

Have you ever heard of a scrotoplasty?

Yeah.

As a matter of fact, funny you should ask.

Yeah, that's a ton.

Do you shoot back if someone says that to you?

Do you shoot back like defensively?

Look, why don't you get some better tits?

No, no, no.

That's what I'm saying.

There are boobs.

They're out.

Wow, she's really flopping them around.

Nobody in Dublin looks happy.

Well, there are a lot of Irish Catholics over here.

Yeah, this is true, but they don't want to see

bare titties.

Yeah, you know, hey, I don't want to be unsolicited.

That'd be horrible.

New angle woman flashes her boobs.

Yeah, they did this years ago with London, too, and I remember they had the same problem, so I'm surprised that they

had to know, right?

Like in New York City, there shouldn't be a problem really, because in New York City, women are allowed to go topless, right?

Yeah, but if you realize that, though, you know what's next then.

The junk.

And then as soon as they're like, okay, now we got to allow of the junk.

And as soon as that's allowed, then someone's going to have to take it further.

And then all of a sudden you point fucking right in front of the portal.

You know that's going to happen if you don't draw a line somewhere.

But it's funny because it's essentially just a giant like TV almost.

It's just a giant

FaceTime.

That's all it is.

But it's something fun.

It's fun about the fact that it's just random people.

Wow, people in Dublin really don't react to the boobs.

No, they're just standing there watching watching.

Yeah, how would you have reacted?

Would you have put your face, like try to get through Dublin or

a round of applause?

Thumbs up.

Yeah, you know, some encouragement, the nice young lady.

But it looks like it's a lot of women, though, so they might not be like.

They have boobs.

What do they have?

You see the ladies in New York, like some people laughing.

You know, I mean, some women are just like, oh, look at that slut.

Come on, it's cheeky.

It's, you know, it's boobs.

She's not, you know.

Come on.

It's threatening, though.

Yeah, like if somebody whipped out their giant cock and I'm standing next to them, I'm like, oh.

Giant cock is different from boobs.

Boobs are just round

as awesome.

Everybody loves them.

Everybody has them to some degree.

But not everybody loves giant don.

I certainly don't.

I come off as threatening.

Yeah, it's very, you know, if it's hard, it's soft.

Both make a different statement.

I don't know.

You know, I don't know.

I don't know.

Jesus Christ, man.

The Chinese, Walt, I thought you would like this.

The Chinese have taken.

Have you ever heard of a panda dog?

No, but it sounds adorable already.

Yeah, they're these little dogs.

Is it a mixture of a panda and a dog?

That's what they're trying to get people to believe that they were just panda cubs.

They mated a dog and a panda.

They just took a dog and put him, made him into a panda.

Oh, it's a little black and playing tennis.

There he is.

Would you like a little guy like that, Walt?

A little panda dog?

Yeah.

He is cute.

Dying dogs.

They dyed them before they were.

They dyed the dogs.

Oh, my God.

This is at a zoo.

They put the so-called panda dogs on display in an enclosure every day from 8 to 5, attracting throngs of people despite the obvious bamboozlements.

That's amazing how much they do look like pandas, though.

Now, is it does it, like it's just hair dye, right?

I think so, yeah.

So it's not, it's not harmful to the dog, right, to have their hair dog.

I'm probably not using toxic.

Yeah, because I mean,

I mean, how many people, how many humans dye their hair?

You know, and it's, there's no harmful.

No, I think people who dye out from it are actually probably better off than people who don't.

Why?

Healthier?

Yeah, I think healthier.

I think, you know, it shows like mental healthiness.

Yeah, I think it shows a healthy, like,

I don't think you could make that same argument for the dogs.

It's mentally more healthy.

No, I'm talking about people who dye their hair.

That stuff's not great for you.

Like, you're not supposed to do it when you're pregnant.

What?

Like, dye your hair, yeah.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

Frank, you know.

Play it cool.

Treat the topic.

Oh, I mean, like, we're guys, though.

I mean, I've never done it, but I thought about it.

Like, the beard.

They've asked me a couple times.

Very good dismal.

There's outrage over these imposters.

There's a fucking guy to it.

Oh, that's the guy.

That's the person.

They can't determine if it's in it.

Like, they thought it was a.

It looks like a man in a bear.

Yeah, that was the whole thing.

They're like, that's a person.

Is it a person?

They don't know.

They say no.

They said it's a bear.

That's a bear, but it it looks like a person.

It moves too much like a real animal.

Now, bears, are they?

I mean, the panda bears, are they docile?

Are they kind of like

they're aggressive?

They can be dangerous.

Yeah, sure.

Well, they're not really bears, right?

They're like more related to like

sloth or some marsupial or some shit.

I don't know.

Says here.

We should die, get him like a fucking panda bear.

Uh-oh.

Right?

Just We'll go outside to like wave to people.

Yeah,

man, that'd be great.

He's not on mic anyway.

What's he doing all day?

Sleeping.

Yeah, we die, we die, get him like a panda bear.

I think that'll fuck him.

There'll be an uptick in the general store.

Kids will come and see him.

So we have to bleach his skin?

Yeah,

there's no windows in here, so he's pretty pale already.

I mean, he's got a

dark circle on the back.

We're going to take a lot of bleach to get that nose white.

I mean,

it's the natty, I know, right?

It's the natty that makes it.

Is it that healthy red glow?

The cherry nose,

the beauty of burst capillaries.

Wow.

These pandas.

Now we're just watching panda videos, guys.

Yeah, I know.

Everybody's like, what the fuck is going on with this shit?

Because Giddam keeps putting panda videos up.

Giddam's a terrible producer.

He's putting up too many cute videos.

Yeah, kittens, pandas.

pandas

oh i also want to say sorry we didn't get to give people more advice last week you know we did the space monkey show wolf and um

normally we vet people ahead of time and we call them and stuff but this time around we just decided like kind of on the spot to do it so i put it up on twitter so many people asked us for it i went back and was like looking at the yeah yeah

one

it was just too much for the amount of time that we had yeah two

it really strikes home that we're not qualified

Well, we never said we were.

Yeah, we're definitely underqualified to offer advice on some of these problems.

Why would we say some of these problems?

No, no, no, the stuff we didn't read.

Oh,

yeah, the stuff we read.

We know our lanes.

Yeah.

I mean, to be honest,

I don't know if there's a subject that I wouldn't take advice from BQ on.

Yeah.

In all honesty, no bullshit.

Solid, solid

advice giver.

I am.

Good concigliar.

Oh, my God.

Yeah.

Like,

maybe the best

that, well, I would say Mosier is the best.

I haven't had much exposure.

Like my dealings with Mosier haven't been on the level where I could go to him with like a problem.

But

you'd said that you learned from Mosier.

To this day,

I call him for a lot of things.

You definitely picked up some of his

better qualities.

His sage-like ways.

Yes.

So that's about it.

Nothing else.

I mean, I got stuff.

If you want to keep talking,

I mean, teachers.

I got a lot of teacher stuff.

Because

if a teacher, a male teacher is found to be conducting himself immorally with a female student,

the guy's toast.

He's done.

Everybody can't stand him.

But when it's a female teacher

and she's even halfway decent looking, all those rules go out.

Well, they'll still get busted through official channels, but I think society-wise, everybody's everybody's like, kind of lucky bastard.

Society-wise, yes.

I used to think that too, up until I read this

about this lady, a Wisconsin elementary school teacher, busted for making out with a fifth grader.

Oh,

that's what it's not cool.

That's 11.

That's 11, right?

That's like 11.

Man, I mean, once it, you know.

Wow.

She was 24.

She was busted, arrested for allegedly making out with her fifth grade student less than three months before her wedding.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Can you look at her?

I'll show you a picture of her.

That is, she's not the one.

You've got to call that wedding off, right, Q?

Oh, without a doubt.

Yeah.

She's not the best-looking girl, but like she's bad looking.

It's just a mugshot.

You know put a little work into her.

She's great.

Swan her up a little bit.

I mean, she's insane.

So how do you break the

call off the wedding hat?

What do you do here in this situation?

If you're the girl, I'm getting married.

Yeah, she's married.

And here's the guy.

My fiancé, that poor bastard.

Normal-looking guy, just like the wholesome couple looking.

Is arrested for making out with a a fucking.

Yeah, so how do you provide him?

What's your what's the first thing you do?

I go full-on offensive.

I repost the story.

Oh, so you don't.

Oh, yeah, I'm not getting around.

I'm just down with her on the street.

There's no waiting for an explanation.

No.

No.

I don't know if I'd even ever talk to her again.

Okay.

I would literally be like, you're fucking, you're, you're a disruptive, crazy person.

Yeah, I would be like, guys,

this is what happened to me.

I have this fucking

wedding booked for three months from now.

Yeah.

Her side of the family, you're all disinvited.

My side of the family, we're having a fucking getting single party from the sick fuck.

And that's what I would come to.

Do you keep the wedding gifts?

Any that I've gotten so far?

Yes, I keep them.

Yeah, I deserve them.

You do?

Yeah, I think so.

I don't think anybody's ever going to ask what toaster back as I rebuild my life

from fucking getting caulked by a fifth radar.

that's the worst part is getting cucked by a kid.

Yeah, he's out there.

At least mine was a scooter, dude.

Now this lady, she also allegedly moved her victim's desk

closer to her desk so that she could rub his legs during class.

Oh my God.

Like she's doing all this stuff right in front of people.

What is.

That is fucked up, man.

There's another lady too, and this is from Marlborough, which is right around here.

Yeah.

This poor guy, man.

This lady.

Look at him.

That's a fucking

train wreck, right?

Getting hit, like, blindsided by a train.

Because you can't anticipate it.

No.

There's no way.

You could be like, she might cheat on me, whatever, whatever.

But like,

she's moving fifth graders' desks closer to rub their legs and shit.

Like, there's no way to see this.

Yeah.

Do you think she said weird stuff to him?

Like,

right, like, call me teacher.

Or, like, you know,

hey, hey, little boy.

Oh, God.

He was was like, I thought she was just a fantasy.

No, she's not.

How many years does she deserve, Kill?

Well, if you're in the Honorable Brian Quinn

presiding over, huh?

So that kid's legal.

So

seven years.

Oh, seven years?

Maybe I'd go 10 years.

Oh, wow.

You're going to be more harsh.

I mean, a fifth grade is a little bit.

You need to send the message, man.

Yeah, I don't think you can let that one fly.

All right.

And what about counseling for the kid?

If he needs it, he might be like, yeah, no, that was cool.

I don't know.

Yeah, I would say you should

provide some aftercare for that child.

Now, this lady, Janus Shabaka, special education language arts student.

All right.

All right.

Very attractive.

Conventionally attractive lady, yes.

Okay, he has a picture up there already.

Get him.

You're good.

This is a really weird story because it says that she was fondling and rubbing the girl's breasts with one hand and started touching, poking, and massaging her other breast.

Now, this is in the hallway of school in front of everybody.

The teacher then took the back of her hand and placed it on the girl's forehead to imply the girl was getting hot.

The teacher then used both of her hands and began rubbing, poking, and inappropriately touching both of her breasts.

As this was occurring, she had a gratifying smile on her face while the teen was frozen with her hands at her side completely frozen in shock.

Wow.

This is New Jersey?

This is New Jersey.

This is very close to us.

The girl then blocked the teacher's hands, pulling them off her breasts, and ran down the hallway Where another teacher who witnessed the incident heard the first teacher yell for the girl, come back here.

I want to feel and touch them again.

Whoa, was she having like a mental break?

Like she has to.

A seizure or some kind of episode.

Yeah, that's out there, man.

Actually, if that's true, and it was a work,

you got to feel bad for her because she comes out of that and she's like, What did I do?

Right, yeah.

Her fugue state.

Yeah, that's rough, man.

It says this teacher would routinely and openly engage in sexual, explicit, and flirtatious conversations with female students at the school in her classroom and in front of other teachers.

She's not having a sexuality.

It's not an episode.

She's just a horn dog for kids.

Another girl who didn't join the lawsuit claimed the teacher repeatedly tried to get her phone number.

Wow.

Is she married?

She,

let's see.

I can't.

It would be rough to recover from this.

I don't think it could.

Although I know a guy who had two,

maybe three kids with a girl, raised them to a certain age, and then found out that they weren't his kids.

And then she left him and moved in with the father of the kids.

So he lost his wife and his kids to their real father.

And all that money.

Yeah, and he thought, and he was like, no, they're my kids.

I remember talking to him as it was in progress.

And he's like, no, they're my kids.

I don't care.

Like, I raised them.

Like, I was there for every part of it.

And they're like, emotionally, yeah, yeah.

But in my head, as I was listening to him, I was like, oh, man.

Sounds like with your dad now.

Yeah, she's, she went and she

never, like, they never re-she got married to the kids' eventual father.

He, he eventually found someone else and stuff like that.

So you can move on, but right.

That's a rough one, man.

That is fucking bad.

There's a lot of

world is littered with stories like that.

Rough ones.

But you come out of it, though.

The human condition is shockingly resilient.

It does seem to like you hear these stories and you're like, you just can't imagine this shit happening to you.

Right.

You know, like, that's how they get you.

That's how they get you.

You know, you're going to bring in this

handsome guy today instead of Frank Three.

Yeah.

You were going to bring in

a guest.

And

we'll tell a story eventually someday about it about him.

Another guy that I should be, you know, maybe worrisome of.

No.

He's a great guy.

Yeah.

He's awesome.

So we think.

Yeah.

He's got them abs.

He's got the abs.

And how do I know?

You don't.

I don't know him.

You don't know him.

Nothing.

Do I even know her?

Do we even really know anyone?

Do we know anyone?

We're all alone.

Steve, Dave.