#597: Depruded

Tell'em Steve Dave sat recording in the comic store, but Brian Hugh felt that they needed more.

Film opted women adventure and cruise.

Bry just wanted to debate how both Republics and not have to lose.

So they traveled, Hugh traveling, hitting pavements.

Brie providing abundances of vague navigations.

But whether they win or lose, triumph or fail, listen to this podcast, and they will regale you with their tales.

Space Monkeys.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Not Tell Him, Steve Dave.

Oh, it's a surprise, Space Monkeys.

It's a surprise, Space Monkeys.

That's right, y'all.

Now,

right away, I want to say.

Yeah, what are you going to say?

I don't want to fucking read anything about it being better when Walt's here.

Because it's not my fucking fault that Walt's not here.

He's got a headache.

He's got a headache.

The boy has a headache.

Walt's got a headache.

Come on now.

He's lying down with a cool rag on his head, he told us.

He really is.

Yeah, I'm not even kidding around.

Yeah, he is a migraine, so he is not here with us today.

So it's going to be a Space Monkeys.

And of course, when we do Space Monkeys, we like to help people out.

I did not know this would be a Space Monkeys until 20 minutes before.

So I did not have time to

get any problems that people might have for us to solve.

So we're just going to have to run it like, you know,

regular old Tell him Steve Dave.

And we do have somebody who has some big shoes to fill, though.

Yeah, we have a guild today.

Will he be able to handle it?

Well, I don't think he knows

what he's supposed to.

Uh-oh.

I don't know if he knows what he's up against, so I think he'll be fine.

Okay.

Yeah.

Don't read Reddit after this.

Whatever you do.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you have, this is Joe Inbergio.

Hey, guys.

He is

one of my favorite people.

I'm comfortable saying.

You've said that.

I do.

I'm a big fan of his.

He's a writer on Jokers for many, many years now.

Many years.

How long?

I think it's 11.

11 years.

Yeah.

Staten Island boy.

Once again, bad boy.

Just moved back to Staten Island.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Where were you living?

I was living in Brooklyn for a while.

Oh, okay.

My long weekend.

And now I'm back in Staten Island.

Just bought a house.

This guy.

He's growing up before my eyes.

Moving and shaking.

Yeah, think about it.

Like when you first started out.

Young, fresh-faced.

Well, he's not that young.

He's 37.

Yeah.

I forgot till the words were coming out of my mouth.

Yeah.

No.

All right, 11.

So you started working on the TV show when, then I guess odd math is 26.

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

Big year for me.

Big year.

And you were delivering pizza the day before, right?

That's always my favorite story about him.

Is that you were delivering pizza and then the next day you're working on the show?

Yeah.

Not the next.

I got into a car accident while delivering pizza, so there was a bit of a buffer in between, but yeah,

shortly afterwards.

Yeah, which I love.

I think that your

job on our show, your role on our show, your journey on Impractical Jokers is a journey that many crew members have made.

Like, came in,

can't really say they know exactly what they're doing, but figured it out quick and excelled.

Yeah, it's a good way to get people for cheap.

You know, they don't know what they're doing.

Yeah.

That's it.

That was the move.

And that was back in the day, too, when you could like, when, when, because, you know, we were just like, who are we going to get?

Let's get our friends on the show.

You know what I mean?

Like, now, you know, we'd have to

hire your white friends anymore if we're going to write as well.

We might be the last show that was able to just do that.

Although we've had many, many, many people come and go through it.

You've stayed on.

What are some of your bits that you've come up with that you've been proud of?

Because at the beginning of the season, we'll sit in a room and come up with ideas

and then we'll decide what we're shooting that season.

It's a whole process.

That's how we start.

Used to be two months.

Then it was a month.

Now we got like fucking four days here.

45 minutes here.

Yeah.

But so some of the the bits definitely have come from yeah uh well there's that i like that handing it off one we haven't done that in a while but the one where you guys come in like with a broken arm and have people like fill out the form for you gunk out was that the one yeah i think it might have been yeah yeah yeah yeah that was and then you won the tram the universal tram

no yeah no

no no that came from because i i i

i that happened to that actually happened to me on vacation so what they do they take credit that's not true at all that's not true at all how are you going to refute the ban?

The woman dropped her sunglasses off, and they stopped the ride, and it was fucking annoying as hell.

And then she dropped it again.

Really?

And I brought that up in the writer's room.

Hmm, I don't recall that.

I have a bad memory.

Well, I mean, I'm not trying to take anything from you.

It was a collaboration.

Yeah, that's collaboration.

Well, again, but even then, I wanted it against, I think, Murray or Joe, and then they turned it around on me.

So maybe that was.

Maybe I've not come up with anything, actually, now that I think of it.

Well, you definitely came up with anything.

I've been keeping your head down for 11 years.

Yeah.

no that that's I know that's where that punishment at least was birthed from it's hard it's hard for me to take any kind of ownership from any with anything it's like very collaborative so well definitely feel comfortable saying like I did that one because everyone always improves upon the kernel of an idea you know oh man so you've been living all this time thinking you came up with that one up until recently yeah that's what he was talking about at parties at family gatherings that was cool oh well Maybe I do.

All right, then how about this?

How about I told that story?

Uh-huh.

And you were like, holy fuck, that would be a great punishment.

That must have been it.

That's it.

That's it.

Let's go with that.

All right, so it was your

okay.

There we go.

We got it.

We got it.

I'll take it.

Yeah, I don't think so.

I'll cut out all that other stuff.

I don't want Reddit to know.

Well, now I feel bad because I have talked about that punishment in interviews and told that story about the woman dropping the glass.

It makes sense.

I think maybe it still worked out that it was Kismet because I remember being there on the scout being like, can they pull that thing?

I mean, like, we had, it was like an amalgamation of that someone touched my neck thing.

Wow.

But I remember.

All right.

It doesn't matter.

That's That's funny.

Yeah.

The real thing about that bit is I love that shirt I was wearing and somebody spilled bleach on it.

Who did that?

It was never determined.

It was never determined.

It was in the costume department.

Wow.

Oh, somebody on the crew did.

Yeah, yeah.

Never fessed up.

And then I can't find that shirt.

That explains why there was a lot of turnover that one year.

Yeah.

We can't.

Miscatto.

Yeah, that's.

Okay, yeah, well, it's a great punishment, you know, team effort.

What else?

Why don't we end on one that you actually came off?

I have no idea, man.

I don't keep track of these things.

I really don't.

It's also hard to remember over a decade of stuff.

Like, when people are like, hey, do you remember saying this?

Hey, do you remember saying that?

And it's like, I absolutely do not.

Yeah.

So 11 years of in the writer's room and coming up with stuff, yeah.

Especially like like you said, it's like collaborative.

It's a high mind, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Well,

like I said, one of my favorite people.

So

thank you.

And do you have the most longevity out of any writer there?

I might.

I think you do.

Aside Aside from Casey, I guess.

Yeah, but Casey is not really writing anymore.

Yeah.

So technically, yes.

Managed to not get fired for a while.

That was my main point.

It was close for a while.

Yeah, I know, I know.

It was close for a while.

I came and went.

You left?

I was like an assistant editor, which I also was not qualified for.

I never edited anything before, and that's where you guys put me.

And then

in the last few years, he's gotten married.

Yeah.

He's his kid on on the way.

Oh, he got a kid on the way.

And he got a house.

It's like watching it.

It's sad.

I never wanted Joe to grow up.

I know.

You've said that to me.

I don't think you should be a father.

You said that to me.

I don't think you should.

You're too much fun.

But all right.

I'll try and stay fun, you know?

Yeah, everybody says that, though.

And then they're not.

And then they're not.

Which is understandable.

Are you fun, Brian?

No, no, not at all.

I think he's fun.

Okay.

It depends.

Yeah, it depends.

I think if I'm in a group of people, I'm not that fun.

I sort of like fade to the background.

I don't like to.

But if it's just like, say, me and Q one-on-one, then I think I can be fun.

Or like me, you and Jiggy, like going to Key West, that kind of stuff.

Yeah, then I can be fun.

And my level of fun, I don't think, is dependent on my kid because she's so old now.

She's 18.

So I don't have to

not do stuff anymore because of her.

That's true.

It's just like, I don't, look, Murray doesn't have a kid.

He He did get married, but his wife is pretty fun.

But

damn, she's fine.

Oh, she's also fine.

I saw her at Radio City the other day.

Holy shit.

She looks like a supermodel.

Melissa.

Yeah.

Yeah, she's gorgeous.

She's gorgeous.

It's unbelievable.

And also, like, just a pretty person.

Yeah, she's nice.

She's very sweet person.

But because of their,

you know, she's a little bit younger than Murray, the fun they have.

Murray's...

boundless energy.

Yeah.

Tell him.

So he'll follow her down the paths of what she wants to do.

I've seen that on Instagram many times.

He's out there.

He's selling candles.

He's at charity events.

He's doing this.

He's doing it all.

He's having a blast.

Like having a daughter.

Yeah.

Yeah,

I can't follow him down that road.

I'm too, you know, too low energy.

But so when Burris was really like,

everybody else started having kids.

Casey had a kid.

It's weird.

Dexter.

Luga.

Dex had kids.

So it's like, you know, when you don't have kids, you hold on to to those

friends.

Throws it also nothing.

So I tried to sabotage his relationship for a time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Joe, you are not the father.

I texted him.

What did I text you one night?

If you smoked weed, you'd be my best friend in the world.

We've smoked before.

I just don't do it regularly.

But yes, I understand the conceit there.

No, but he did move to Staten Island not too far away from you.

Yeah, I'm closer to you.

Yeah.

Geographically.

So I'm hoping that that causes a resurgence.

Yeah.

There will be some summer's coming up.

Yeah.

He had out of commission for a couple months, but then how hard could it be?

I don't know.

I don't know.

We have guys around here who are having kids, and it does seem that a clamp gets put down

on you.

Rupert

just had a kid, and he's not allowed to do certain things now because he's off work, and then he comes and he helps us out, and so he doesn't have a lot of time at home.

So if he's like, hey, I want to go to the movies, his wife says, no.

You're not going to the movies.

So that's the first thing.

Not the work.

That's not the first thing to go.

It's all the extracurricular activities.

Brain.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know, do you have a lot of extracurricular stuff you do?

You have parties?

You do a lot of music that I'm probably have to cut back on, you know?

But we'll sing.

What do you play?

I play bass.

Play bass.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do a lot of music on the show, so that's the outlet for it.

Yeah.

Harris.

I think a lot of comedy songs on the show.

Or Brain Child is.

And then, like, he also, he's.

Is your short film online?

No, I'm keeping it offline.

You're keeping it offline.

He wrote, I mean, good for you, but he wrote

a horror short film.

And I fucking think it's brilliant.

I'm literally like, I was like, you can make,

I think this will be, you're going to write the script.

He's almost done writing the script.

I think he came up with a killer that he cast Richard Kind as the killer.

Nice.

And

it is fucking awesome.

And Kind is into it.

He told me he would love to do it as a future version.

And you hooked that up.

We were going to like approach him on the street cold.

We wrote it with him in mind.

Yeah.

And I mentioned to him, we're like, oh, I have his his number and like yeah i just texted uh rich and i wound up at a charity event that we knew rich would be at and i'd spent a lot of money on raffles yeah

which i didn't need to do it turns out half the budget of the movie went to the raffles

went to a lightning game i think well worth it because his role as that particular serial killer is it's fun i don't even want to say who or what he does because it's great it's wild what it is and it's a great short film and is it playing at any uh festivals or anything people get we just had a few i don't know if there's any coming i got to check i'm not sure it's been just like doing a festival rounds, you know.

And you're keeping it offline.

Well, because we have the feature idea.

So I just want to make sure that you don't want people taking the idea and stuff.

Yeah, and it's more like this is a proof of concept for that.

So

unless we completely drop the idea, I'd rather keep it tied to the feature as opposed to living on its own, you know?

And then one day down the line, we'll release it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All right.

So that's Joe.

I wanted to give a little background on him.

A little background on him.

That I'm losing him and that he's talented.

Yeah, what's it going to be like?

Because

you've signed on for two more seasons.

Well, we'll have to wade through one of them.

Halfway through one of them.

So when these guys retire, which is inevitable.

I think it's over for me.

I'm going to get a life insurance policy now.

I just saw Affleck.

I don't know if this would apply to you, but I just saw we were watching Macmillan and Wife, Me and Gethem, and there's a commercial that comes on.

Affleck, specifically cancer insurance.

Oh, wow.

Isn't that a good idea?

I'm going to do that.

Oh, you're not a fan of that.

I'm 1990 Island though.

Oh, okay, yeah.

The groundwater is.

Yeah.

I don't even want to test for the radon.

Well, I thought that was really strange that it's like, hey, like, because, of course, what is insurance but to instill fear in you that, like, well, if something happens, I need this, right?

Every fucking time I go to the doctor, I'm like, I should just pay out of pocket.

Yeah.

I hardly, they fucking kill you with the fucking deductible.

Then on top of it, you're paying the premiums every month.

I'm like, what is, what is this for?

Yeah.

It's fucking.

Like, it almost makes me want to get into a major accident so that I can fucking get my money back.

It's not worth it.

It is.

It's for the big one.

It's for when you need it.

It's so expensive.

Because that's what would happen.

I would cancel it, and then the next day

something would happen.

I'd be like,

hello, Affleck.

Hello.

Yeah, how does it feel having a kid on the way?

I don't know.

I don't think it's very surreal.

It's almost like there's like an infrared frequency that I haven't been able to see before.

Anyone that had a kid or has had one, I've really done a good job of ignoring the whole thing.

And now I have to face it, and it's becoming, as the months go on, it's becoming more.

You feel like a Hugh Grant movie.

Yeah,

facing this, yeah.

yeah.

I'll have to say that I'm not looking forward to it.

I'm really looking forward to it, but it's just something that I don't know.

I don't even, I don't know enough to know what to expect or anything.

I'm just going to embrace it because it comes.

I'm excited.

Yeah, will you prepare?

Will you read like Dr.

Spock's book?

Will you read up on baby rearing?

I guess.

I don't know.

I haven't yet.

Should I?

Do you ever have a recommendation?

You haven't assumed it's gender.

I fucking prey.

No, I'm assuming.

Oh, my God.

I'm making some bold assumptions.

I don't have to cut that part out.

It's a woman.

It's a woman.

It's not even a girl.

It's a woman.

Yeah.

Yeah,

it's pretty because

Joe here is,

I've always seen him as kind of a free spirit type.

You've called me quirky before.

Quirky.

Yeah, you're a quirky.

Majority of what.

My main description of Joe is that some people like to see the world burn, and he's one of them.

Yeah.

He likes doing weird shit just to see people's ripple effects.

I don't think it's intentional.

You think he's just weird?

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

I can see that.

I actually do.

I see that as well.

Things are kind of boring, and I think that I'm

I don't take things as seriously as people do.

No, you do not.

So, I don't know.

Also, you're down to clown in that, like, if you call him at 10 o'clock on a Saturday and be like, me and DeRose are drinking in a bar, you want to come?

He's there by 10:20.

Sicking that to that, I guess.

Like, is that?

I'm not going to miss that.

I let my pride myself on being spontaneous.

I like to say yes to things.

Yeah.

That's why I have this job is because I shouldn't have said yes to the

whatever it was, the writing packet request.

request, but I figured, fuck it, I crashed my car.

What am I doing?

Let me try it.

That worked out.

I guess so.

Yeah.

So now he's got a house.

He's only had the house for a couple of weeks.

He's got a baby.

He'll grow to hate it.

Trust me.

Yeah.

Not a money pigeon.

Every time I turn around, something else is going wrong in my house.

A light goes out.

I'm like, I'm going to burn this place to the ground.

Light bulb.

Yeah.

But are you feeling, are you feeling like, are you feeling the pressure at all?

Or is it all like, I got this?

Or is it like.

I don't know.

I don't really, I don't feel pressure.

This is going to sound, I mean, I'm going to shoot myself in the foot here, but I feel like whenever something comes up, I'm like, well, I have to figure it out.

Yeah.

Like, I don't feel pressure because I know I will figure it out at some point, if that makes sense.

Yeah, you'll feel it.

I feel pressure in the moment, but I'm like, well, by next week, this will forgot about this.

And, like,

we'll be moved past it.

Do you apply that to death?

Are you like, well, when the time comes, I'll navigate it.

I might be like in denial about it.

Yeah.

There's this thing in the writer's room that they think I'm fucked up because I've been describing these.

Well, they're like miracles, in my opinion, that other people don't view as miracles.

Okay.

So like there was this flight back in the 80s, back then I guess the planes used to have three engines.

One of them was on the tail, you know?

And

in some sort of freak accident, the engine on the tail like blew off and cut through the hydraulics on the plane.

And this has never happened before.

Like they had never anticipated losing hydraulic control.

There's no control.

You can't steer it or anything.

Just so happened on this flight is a guy that had been studying this exact thing in case it ever happened as a passenger.

So he knocks on the door and they go up and he's able to like figure out that the one thing they have control of is the thrust of the engines.

So they can raise one up or the other up and kind of like almost tank controls where they can pivot it by giving different velocity to each engine.

And they make concentric circles to get down to the nearest airport.

Whoa, really?

Simultaneously, by the way, back then, I don't know if you remember this, I don't, before my time, but like they used to do these promotions where it was like Children's Day.

So there were like 50 kids unsupervised on this thing.

Holy shit.

So the guy is flying the thing on his knees between the two pilots just using the thrusters, right?

Pilots gave up their control of the planes.

This was like, yeah, they had no choice because this guy, you know.

He was a guy.

Yeah.

And he was a pilot or an engineer or something.

It wasn't like he didn't, you know, he was in the world.

And so they get to the

they finally get to make the landing and the whole thing hits the runway and bounces off and crashes violently.

And they only lost like 110 people.

Only?

How many were in the plane?

Like 200?

Okay.

The whole start of that story made it seem like they're landed just.

Well, I consider it a miracle because it's like, wow, they could have lost everybody.

But if they hadn't fucked up the landing, they could have saved everybody.

Well, there was no way to land a plane like that.

That's insane.

Yeah, but right, all right.

I guess somebody did it in a river.

That's the thing I thought that was.

I'm not.

It's hard to see why other people don't see it as a miracle.

Especially the 110 people who didn't make it.

Well, they don't see anything.

But what are the odds of that guy being on the plane?

You know, I think that's kind of miraculous.

Here it is.

Look at that.

United Airlines Flight 232.

Yeah.

Wow.

Is that why they put that rat thing in?

Have you heard it out there?

The rat?

No, what's the it's called R-A-T-T.

It's in a plane now.

What it is, it's the wind turbine that if you lose electricity and hydraulics in a plane, this pops out the bottom and the air starts spinning the blade and it restores hydraulic power.

It might be throwing, yeah.

That's it.

Rem air turbine, the rat.

This shit leads to like all these fixes, you know.

Right, right.

So maybe that's see how that it's it's so old school.

It's just a little fan that pops out the side that will restore electricity and hydraulic if they lose it.

There's another one I read about.

This one's actually a real miracle.

It was like Air Helios or something over Greece, over Athens.

There was some, after taking off, there was some kind of pressure drop, and everybody in the plane, they went on to hypoxis, right?

Is that when you lose oxygen?

Sure.

Hypoxic, hypoxia.

And the pilots included, like everyone's passed out.

It's like there's nobody, it's a ghost plane.

Ghost plane, yeah.

Circling on autopilot over Athens, and it's going to run out of fuel and crash into this major populated city.

And like the, there's like F-16s like, you know, alongside looking in the windows.

They don't see anything.

And a couple hours go by, and they hear like a banging on the cockpit.

And there is a flight attendant that somehow managed to get one of these handheld like oxygen pumps in emergencies.

And he survived the whole thing and was was able to get into the cockpit and take control of the plane.

And he, like, he had the controls, he had some flight experience.

And then the plane ran out of fuel, but he was able to get it away from Athens, and everyone on board died, but nobody in Athens died.

Do you understand?

Like, it could have been so much worse.

Somehow, that guy survived and was able to save the day.

Traditionally, miracles have a happy ending.

It does.

I know it should have been happy.

But from every perspective, not from one perspective.

What are the odds?

Yeah, like

a statue of Mary crying blood and people witnessing that.

That's like a more of a miracle.

I read this thing where there was a miracle.

It was a statue of some holy deity, and it was...

It started to seep water from the base.

And people were like, oh, it's weeping or it's a miracle or whatever.

So they would go there to get healed and they would be drinking the water.

Oh, Mike, where this is going.

This sounds like a comedic miracle.

It was not a miracle.

No, it turned out that one of the sewage pipes had broken.

Yeah, of course.

Yeah, it was leaking out the side.

Come on.

That's not a miracle.

Oh, that's so funny.

There you go.

There it is.

Oh, it's so funny.

Yeah.

The clogged toilet near the statue.

Oh, God.

God works in mysterious ways.

It might be.

Yeah.

It might be a sign.

You're right.

Maybe it's a different.

As if you don't have enough of a chance getting sick in India.

I know.

Now you're drinking toilet water off a statue's toes.

I think my friend Zaluga keeps sending me videos videos of like these Indian videos of like there's like

rat people that they worship and like they'll drop food on the floor and then they'll run up and eat the food because they think that person's touched.

It's very crazy.

I feel wrong saying this, but I've seen the videos.

Yeah, yeah, it's like really crazy shit.

People will pretend to be rats?

No, they're just like they look like they're vagrants.

They're very filthy.

Like lower caste system type.

I know what it is, yeah.

And they're eating food and they just drop their remains on the floor.

And people scurry up and eat that.

Regular people, well-dressed people.

So homeless people are just eating food and dropping it.

In their minds,

they're like, yeah, they're deities of some kind, and people will eat the

food.

Compressing cells of anything.

Yeah, they can believe in some weird shit.

That's not a miracle, in my opinion.

That's not my kind of miracle.

Wow, okay, so you think that, well, how do we, because I said you think you'll just figure out death when you get there.

Well, I just, I'm kind of an optimist, yeah, I think is my opinion.

It's also a younger guy.

He's not thinking about it as much as I can.

I think about it, but I think I'm in denial of it.

Wait wait until 20 years from now when you're my age and then you think about it constantly you see it around every corner no every now and then I freak out at the concept of like not being conscious anymore it it bugs me out and I like it oh I love that yeah

at the end of the night you're on some heavy drugs and you're just like you're like this is as close to dying as I can get without actually dying yeah it freaks me out it does yeah

yeah it is a it's a thing where I'm like I just try and think of it like

process it in my head where I'm like, all right, well, a lot of things happened before I was born.

It'll just be like that.

Shit'll just happen.

I won't be around, which, by the way, is happening now.

You know, there's a girl of fantasies right now dancing, and we're not experiencing that whatsoever.

No.

It might as well be dead to that woman.

Wait, what?

We are.

Yeah.

A girl of fantasies is dancing?

Well, anything's happening.

Okay.

Anything.

Anything going on in the world.

I just tried to say it in a way that you would understand.

Not me.

These are deep thoughts I'm having.

They are.

I try to think of that sometimes.

Oh, I see.

Oh, that's what we passed on the way.

He did point out.

Oh, yeah.

Sorry, Sorry, Joe.

Yeah, fantasy is a striper.

We got pulled over, so we might have got lost.

I'm a little shook.

Yeah, what did you do?

What did he ultimately decide I had done?

Was drive on a shoulder?

Yeah, he's like, come on, man.

You know, you can't do that.

Yeah, it was weird.

It was like I went to get in the parking lot, and like, there's the shoulder, but there's a turning lane there, too, but the shoulder starts.

I don't know.

It's weird.

Anyway, he said I drove on the shoulder and pulled me over.

And then he tried to direct me, and I just ignored him.

He's going, go over.

And I just waved at him and parked to come into the office and he followed me over to the office.

Q has been very, he's very underprepared for being pulled over in any real way.

There's no documents in the car.

He's got no idea what his insurance company is.

I don't know what the insurance company is.

I know anything.

You know, I don't know.

Who's going to tick a Q, man?

Come on.

I was impressed.

It's your old pal Q.

He's very good.

Yeah, man.

Look, the way I see it, like, I was a firefighter.

I have a lot of cop friends.

I'm on TV and I'm white.

The odds of me getting a ticket are probably in my favor, like going in my favor, right?

Well, I always thought it was harder for a New York cop business card to work on a Jersey cop.

I felt like there was not a lot of respect among the departments.

Is that not true?

I've never heard that.

Yeah, I have a lot of people.

I have those cards.

I gave one to a New York cop or a Jersey cop, and it's from New York.

I wasn't sure.

But I tell you.

There might be.

It depends.

Like, if you're a couple states over, they might tell you to go fuck yourself.

Fuck off.

Yeah, courtesy, courtesy, though, you know?

But when I saw how old he was, the second I saw he looked like he was like 12.

Don't cops look young these days, yeah.

He was like, even to me, the second I saw him, I was like, there's a good chance I'm not going to get a ticket here because he might know the show.

Although he didn't let on, no, I know, he didn't let on,

but I talked to him very familiar.

I was like, all right, bud, what do I do?

I'm like, yeah, you got it, bud, whatever you need.

I can't find it, you know what I mean?

Insurance cut.

Well, not that, bud.

Oh, registration?

Sorry, bud.

I don't cut that.

The only registration I found was four years years out of date.

Yeah.

I'm like, it's the same number, bud.

Here, go check this out.

Yeah, but it was kidding.

Why did you call up that picture?

Yeah, so wait.

Oh, so that's how.

Yeah, but that's my thing on death.

It's like, it's just going to be shit happening without you around, man, right?

Yeah.

In fact,

I always concern myself, though, with like, how good of a time are people going to have once I'm gone?

Like, how quickly do people get back to their regular life?

I mean, like, I want a nice morning period.

You got to leave a lot of reminders.

You don't have to be making fun of you eat you wake up.

You don't want to miss it, right?

I can't count on you guys.

I know that to mourn me.

Well, at least in the way that most people would, like, consider a traditional mourning.

Yeah, my heart will be broken.

But if I were looking down and everybody was all sad and shit, no, like, he wasn't making a joke at my expense, that would bum me out.

Yeah.

Because that's what I want.

I want everybody to be as disrespectful to me as I would be to them at their funeral.

Yeah, I'm just going to, like, if they put you in a suit, I'm just going to slide pages of gay porn magazine into your pocket.

So if they find you hundreds of years from now, they're like,

we found this ancient homosexual ground, and then that's your legacy.

That would be something.

A bit I like to do with the bereaved in any kind of wake is I ask them for 50 bucks.

I'm like, this is a bad time, I know, but can I borrow 50 bucks?

He usually gets a laugh.

They don't expect it, you know.

At the coffin while their loved one is like sitting there.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's good.

Yeah.

Give it a shot.

I think as you get older, too, you're just like, especially like you see somebody like Kevin, who had the heart attack, who's our age, you know, he's a young guy.

And

you start to realize more and more with each passing day, like, could be today, could be tomorrow.

You don't know.

You don't know.

And then I'm just like, who's going to have trouble acclimating?

Who's going to be like, good?

Like, probably most of Reddit.

You're really on Reddit today.

Would you dip your toe back in there?

No, no.

Again, I was on Reddit reading some stuff earlier.

You can't do that.

Reddit's never far from my mind.

I know there's somebody on there talking shit about me.

You got to jettison it, bro.

Yeah, we have a Reddit

based on this podcast.

Right, right.

And

they don't hold back.

Yeah, they're not all kind.

You'd be surprised that not everybody loves us.

To the point that you're like, why are you listening to me?

Why do they listen to you?

And they comment.

Yeah, which is fine.

Which is, hey, man, what are you going to do?

I'm just surprised you go look.

No, no, it comes up in

my email sometimes.

It'll be like TSD Cares, and it'll have like the

title of whatever the threat is.

It's like, hey, Walt said this, or blah, blah, blah, whatever.

But yeah, I don't go actively seeking it.

But Giddam does.

Get him's on that shit.

Oh, get him.

Yeah.

Get him, let's me know, and I need to know if it was part of Reddit type stuff.

Cool.

All right.

So what we do, Joe, when Walt isn't normally here, we do like advice because nobody gives better advice than the two of us.

I agree.

Well thought thought out.

Yeah.

Well, I got a house.

I don't really have any specific questions, but do you have any homeowner advice?

Oh, well, we were going to go to Twitter or something like that.

But

we have homeowner advice.

I could go to Twitter.

Well, isn't that what you said you were going to do?

Do that, yeah.

And if anything comes up, I'll.

Okay.

Yeah.

Homeowner advice, man.

That's a good one.

Let's see here.

I would say, you know, my big point of advice would be like live in the house before you make big changes.

Yeah, I know.

Because I'm now in the stage where I've been in my house for a few years now, and I'm like, oh, now I know to tear down this wall and do that.

But it's so fucking expensive.

I know.

That's a fucking problem, too.

You need you guys to keep the show going for me.

Well, a show going.

Okay.

I'll give you that one.

Yeah.

All right.

Yeah, well, look, we're going to stop this when they tell us to stop, so who the fuck knows when that is?

You hope the move to TBS will give us a little bit of shot.

That's true.

Nobody's looking to cancel it.

Put it that way.

Okay.

Like anybody who comes in is like, oh my God, thank God I have some show at least.

Because I hope you guys you're responsible for my daughter's life, you know?

In what way?

Well, because she needs money.

Well, I need money

to feed her.

Yeah, really?

What are you going to do?

Like, you see Joe, like, you know, you go to a restaurant and you see Joe like a rat person

outside the window.

Yeah.

I would say to you, man, this, I told you not to do this.

It's true.

I told you to just hang out and have some fun.

You're the one now.

Look at you.

But your wife is extremely successful.

Yeah, she's good.

So, what is she throwing you out of the house?

She works very hard.

She's a nurse.

Yeah, that's what I mean.

That's why I have health insurance.

That's not my concern there.

Yeah, what are you worried about?

Yeah, that's true.

You're right.

Everything's going to be great.

You can do anything.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

I feel good.

Thank you for your advice.

There you go.

See, that's what I do.

That's really good.

We'll put the blinders on you so you can't see things coming.

But

I think there's nothing better for you, bud, than having

a flush wife.

Yeah.

She's quite flush.

Yeah.

She's quite flush.

And that'll be good.

But home ownership, man.

I don't know.

You're going to have a big landscaping bill?

Because that's the worst fucking thing thing in the world.

I can mow it myself.

Landscaping is rough.

Anything is rough.

I didn't pick our house, really.

My wife did.

It's bigger than I would have liked in every aspect.

The yard, the house.

Like, every time I turn around, I'm like, there's fucking something else to do.

Unless you have the money to have literally crews of people there all the time.

I guess my advice would be like to learn some basic homeowner shit because I didn't know anything going in and I still don't know a lot.

I got to label the pipes.

I don't even know what the, you know, now I know where the water cutoff is, but I never had to know that before.

Yeah, that sort of shit.

Yeah, I didn't know until my brother told me.

I was like, lived in the house for like a year, and I'm like, if the pipes had burst, I wouldn't know where the water cut off.

There's a pipe there, like, don't touch this one.

If you do, it'll never close because it's an older house.

You know, these things, yeah.

I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Thank God.

I have a sign on it that says, don't touch, and someone's going to touch it one day.

Do you have firemen in your neighborhood?

On both sides of my house, yeah.

Oh, that's that's good.

Those are the guys.

Yeah.

You want to know them because everything I know about

pipes, homeownership came from people calling us to go to their houses.

I have a leak.

Right.

You see what went wrong with that.

What went wrong.

And then because you're the new guy, somebody's got, all right, well, there's now two feet of water in the basement.

All right.

Who's going?

Who do you think is going in that fucking filthy water?

They shut that pipe.

It's the new guy.

Yeah.

So it's like, all right, this is how you're going to do it.

You're going to go down there.

You're going to do this.

Now go in there and do it.

You do that a year, but by the end, you know where gas shut off says, water shut off is all that stuff.

Bought one of these water detectors.

You guys seen these things?

They beep if water, they detect water nearby, obviously, right?

And I was gonna, it's like Wi-Fi, so you could get an app and it'll alert you.

And I was about to do it, but the instructions were in broken English.

And I was like, let me look into this thing.

It's a Chinese company, and like, everyone is saying that it's a big security risk, and like, they're collecting all this unencrypted data if you sign up for it.

And they're showing me the code, like, all the stuff that would be sent of mine.

Who knows if a passwords are.

I don't know what anyone has to do.

You can just return that thing.

Yeah, I don't know.

I'm going to, yeah.

I'm glad I didn't install it.

But, like,

it's a water meter that you have to put your information into.

Yeah.

That's cool.

Well, because you would download the app in order to, you know, if you're not home, it'll tell you there's a leak in your basement, which is good, but I'll, you know, at what cost, right?

Yeah.

All your privacy gone.

Yeah.

Do you have water problems in that basement?

No, but I mean, I'm just trying to be proactive, preemptive.

Do you have a TikTok account?

No, never.

Okay, good.

Yeah.

Otherwise, you're already fucked.

See, if you had a TikTok account, that'd be one I'd actually watch.

I'm not like a content guy.

You know,

I'm not good with short-form content.

No, I don't think so.

It's not your man.

I'm over lengthy.

Sit down.

We'll talk for a while.

Cool.

All right.

How are we doing?

We got any questions?

Before I do that, let me add some advertisers.

Yeah, we got some advertisers.

People pay us for this shit.

Yeah, you believe it.

That's how we pay bills around here.

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I was not aware that was a thing.

Yeah.

That you would want a color to complement your skin tone.

I guess because they're all white, right?

All the earbuds are white, pretty much, white or black.

White or black, yeah.

But I mean, what other color do they have?

Okay, what would they say?

They say brown

ears?

I don't know.

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Norm, yeah.

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He's picking up on that Johnson house energy.

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And Joe,

you wouldn't be where you are today with a kid if you hadn't gotten a boner.

That's right.

Right.

Did you use Blue Chew when you got it?

Do you recall?

The night of conception.

I think it was organic.

It was around my birthday, a big week.

Okay.

All right.

Well, in case,

and you don't even need to need this stuff.

This is just, look.

You don't know what my penis is like.

You're 37.

I've heard.

Q told me.

You're 37, so you're not 18 anymore.

You're not in your prime like we used to be.

You got to listen up to this.

This is very important stuff.

I want these already.

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Well, it takes about a half hour, so you got to be...

You got to be pretty careful.

You got to anticipate the night.

Yep.

You know what I do?

If I take one and my wife doesn't put out that night, I charge her $3.

That's good.

That's smart.

Because that's the cost of the pill.

So

right?

I think so, sir.

I think so.

So do you get one guaranteed, or do you have to be aroused for it to work?

It doesn't say here, but I think you need to be sort of arrested.

It doesn't say that here?

It doesn't say that.

It's a copy.

Yeah, I think we talked about this once, and you need to.

I think you need to be sort of turned on.

Yeah.

Because Walt was concerned that you would take it and just get a bone or like an inopportune moment.

Yeah, yeah.

I think you've got to get, you know, she's still got to do her part.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

She's not getting a night off just because you've got to.

You're taking the kid kid to school.

You probably true.

There we go.

You want a new Dust commercial here?

Lift a car.

Have you christened your new house yet?

Not yet, no.

Not with fourth base.

Not with fourth base.

Gotcha.

Okay.

Felter up in one of the rooms.

Pretty cool second base.

Hey, man, that's fucking not a joy.

There's nothing wrong with that.

Lovely.

I don't want to be alive if second base is considered a fucking failure.

Second base is great.

What is your definition of the bases?

Sex is on second base.

Sex is second.

No, really.

If somebody was like,

make out, titty stuff,

make out is first.

Make out, yeah.

Titty stuff is first.

First of a second.

Above and below?

Like hands?

Yeah, I guess.

I guess I need to get digital manipulation.

Okay, second base, digital manipulation.

The oral fun begins on third.

And then home run oddly around.

Go on home.

All right.

Yeah, all types of penetrators.

She's been on a period, so.

Yeah.

you don't want to get that looked into the city.

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Like I said, both Q and I have taken these independently.

We've compared notes.

And wrote us.

We sent each other pictures.

We were like, whoa, it does work.

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And then we got one more.

I was thinking about the bases.

Yeah, go ahead.

They're always good.

Yeah.

But what was the most exciting bit?

Obviously, sex is like the first time you have it.

It's probably, it's not always the most enjoyable thing, like the first time, right?

You're nervous.

Second base was like a real shot in the dark for me.

Like, I didn't really know what was going on.

And third base was when I felt like I was in a whole new world.

Third base, it was a cool, eye-opening experience to get my first bulljob.

Yeah.

Yeah.

How did he, what, what, did he review you?

Was he like, hey, that was great?

No.

Actually, her parents walked in like

as it was happening.

It was abruptly cut short.

Oh,

no.

Not into the room, but they came home.

The front door beep, beep happened.

There was a quick scramble.

And I don't know how it was almost like they ran immediately upstairs.

Like they knew something about it.

There was a fox in the hen house.

And the mom was carrying a bowl of cherries, and they sat on the bed, and like, I had to eat cherries.

Wait, who was doing the deed?

She was.

She was doing the deed.

Yeah, the daughter.

Okay, so when you were eating cherries, there were no odd tastes or anything like that.

You were able to see the territory?

No, no, just.

So she.

The mom came in holding a bowl of cherries.

What did the girl do?

Was she like, well, and then like do a quick check?

No, we all just, everyone got back to one.

You know, everyone put their clothes on.

You had enough time.

Yeah.

And then she's eating cherries.

The mom plopped down on the bed and had a bowl of cherries, and I had to make small talk and eat cherries.

That's rough.

How old were you?

That's when I knew it was a man.

No, 17 or 18.

Okay, all right.

Average, average.

I don't know.

Yeah, I guess that is probably the best base.

It's a good base.

Yeah, third.

They're all good bases.

They're all good bases.

Especially like in the beginning.

Yeah.

Every base around it is like, fuck yeah.

This is great.

I like first base a lot.

I can hang out first base.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're not looking to steal second.

No.

Yeah, but first.

Although, man,

there's nothing like that first bra snap where they come out and you're like, holy shit, I've made it to second base.

That's pretty cool.

She's going to let me.

I can't believe this.

How lucky am I?

Very nice.

That's why I don't like strip clubs.

I feel like it's unearned, you know?

Yeah, yeah.

Well, you have to earn the money.

That's true.

Maybe I can

find a way to think about it.

I think you're past that anyway at this point.

And the time you get to your late 30s, it's like, you know.

Yeah.

What are you going to do?

All right.

All right, what else?

Was there another ad?

Yeah, you do, actually.

We want to bang it out now?

Let's get out of the the way.

You want to get it out of the way?

Yeah.

Well, no, forget your boner.

I want to talk to you about your underpants now.

Interesting.

This is Miundis.

Are you familiar with?

I might be wearing them now.

Let me see.

Get out of here.

I am.

Hey, all right.

The micro five.

What is it?

Micro Modal.

Micro Modal.

Nice.

Yeah.

Now, if they don't count that as a great endorsement, we're wearing Miundis at this table.

My old apartment, someone got them ordered and moved out, and there was just a pair of Miundis, and I just finally, I'm opening these.

Yeah.

I committed and then your life changed, right?

Yeah,

it's so different from those copies.

Oh, you got the pizzas one?

Yeah, nice.

All right, so that puts it within the last

two, two and a half years.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Matter of fact, I remember the pizza ones.

All right, this is the copy for this.

Okay,

the thing about being a guy is we're pretty much stuck with what we've got appearance-wise.

Male makeup?

What to go along with my powdered wig?

A peck push-up, bra?

I know.

We just came from set, so we both have makeup on

a peck push-up bra?

What would the bros say?

What would you say if we saw me wearing a peck push-up bra?

You'd probably make fun of me, right?

Depending on who it was.

Yeah, yeah.

Damn, I'd say damn.

How'd the pecs look in them?

I mean,

according to this copy, if I'm to take from this, what I'm inferring is that it doesn't look good.

Okay, because I'm going to say, that's a new dimension to second base, getting in a dude's bra.

That's right.

Yeah.

Has like eight hooks on the back.

Yeah.

Click, click, click, click, click, click, click.

I was never into bras like when I was young because I remember my mom had these white, that's all she ever wore was a white bra, and it had like five hooks on the back, like a real thick strap.

Yeah, and I remember thinking like the first time, like actually being under a girl's shirt and like feeling like the two hooks, I was like, well, where are the rest?

What kind of discount bra is she?

Exactly.

Meggings that accentuate the caboose.

Dude, there's kids out there.

Here.

I I meant to say here, but I said there.

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I don't know.

And that's all that matters, right?

That's what they're saying.

I guess.

Yeah.

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All right, now that is it for

the spots.

Sorry, I had three this week.

I had to read them all.

Ka Ching, man.

Okay, I had somebody, he was Jimmy the Hair guy.

Jimmy the Hair Guy.

He wanted me to pass on to Joe Mbergio that you fucking rule.

Oh, thanks.

All right.

Why does he

have a.

Is this live?

Why does he have an opinion?

On Joe Mburgio?

Yeah.

I don't know.

That's very kind.

It's not live.

Let's see.

He texted me, yeah.

How does he know he's even here?

Oh, because when I tweeted.

When I tweeted, I said, ask questions for me, you, and oh, got it, got it, got it.

Okay, there you are.

SI Bad Boy.

Which is funny.

Still funny.

You regret that yet?

No.

You still love it.

You still love it.

The SI Bad Boy for Life.

Yeah, that's right.

That's great.

I'm back home now.

The name makes sense again.

Yeah, it's true.

I gave you a little bit of shit when you moved to Brooklyn.

You did?

Yeah.

I knew I'd be back.

We all did.

Yeah, I mean, you had to come back.

I remember feeling a bit like, I thought this guy was real, man.

But this guy kept it real, but he's not.

He's over in Brooklyn.

Well, it was, like I said, it's my long lost weekend.

Yeah, of course, of course.

Everyone's got one.

Yeah, here's one that this could happen to you.

You don't know, Joe, because now that you bought a house.

How do I tell my wife that I can't stand her mother-in-law anymore who lives upstairs?

His wife?

Her mother-in-law?

He says her mother-in-law, but that would be his mother.

Yeah.

I think, I think

Freudian.

I think he means her mother.

I don't know what he means.

No, I don't know how to answer it.

Well, let's just assume that he.

How does he tell his wife that he can't stand her mother who lives upstairs?

Sounds like it's a communication problem in the first place between the two of them.

Oh, to me, it sounds like it's a fire problem.

You just

leave a burning cigarette.

I wish we got a little bit more info on what she does wrong.

You know, hold on a second.

See if you can get any more details, but

you know, communication is important.

That's hard, though, to it's hard to know without, because you don't know if the wife feels about the mother, if the wife understands that a mother's a pain in the balls.

Why the fuck would you let your mother-in-law move upstairs from you anyway?

Have you heard of a compliment sandwich where you give someone a compliment, then tell them this thing that they could work on, and then end with another compliment?

I get the concept.

Give me a compliment sandwich.

Oh, I don't know.

It's like, you know, you were great today on set.

Thanks, bud.

I think that you need to start carrying your insurance in your car more often.

All right, maybe.

Beard is very becoming on you.

Oh, thanks.

Something like that.

I didn't really know.

I don't have any actual critique of you right now.

I'm that good.

Yeah.

There's some heavy ones here, man.

Okay.

This guy says,

I'm genuinely worried about irrevocably, irrevocably losing a friend to Coke.

Thoughts on how to approach telling them how worried I am without attacking them.

Whoa, that is a good one.

Have you ever had this issue, Joe?

A friend losing themselves to drugs?

I didn't.

My answer was to give them more money.

I'm not sure that

I'm the guy to ask.

I've only known about it after the fact.

Like, I've seen some people go, you know, and like, I didn't know they even had a thing.

So I didn't have an opportunity to really chime in.

And some people that corrected their behavior before, again, that I, maybe I'm not close enough to these drug users to know.

Because I didn't, you know what I mean?

They know you're square and they're like, well, if we tell a joke.

Aside from smoking weed once in a while.

Yeah.

Do you do anything else?

Yeah, I've done a lot of drugs.

Oh, have you?

Yeah.

Like, what?

I like to experiment.

What did you experiment with?

I tried ketamine once and I got a haircut.

I've tried Coke.

I've tried...

Ketamine.

Would you get ketamine?

Did you just say I tried ketamine once and then I got a haircut?

Yeah, the first time I tried it and then I had to get a haircut.

What's ketamine?

Well, you're going to be tested for it?

What's that?

Were you going to be tested for it?

What do you mean?

Like, is that like when people don't want drug tests all the time?

No, it just

happened to get a haircut.

You just got to

my friend.

My friend had some want to try it.

And I was like, yeah, but

we're going to go get a haircut.

It was a Russian woman that he knows that lived on the block, and I got my haircut in her kitchen.

You ever do this before?

No.

I got my haircut in an alley in L.A.

once.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Sometimes it's alternatives to the barbershop.

Yeah, yeah.

How did the ketamine feel?

It felt like I was one step removed from myself, you know?

It was like broad daylight.

It wasn't in a nightclub.

It was cool.

What did it feel like?

Because it's an anesthetic, right?

I didn't take a very high dose.

It's an anesthetic.

My wife hates that I did it because she administers it to people, you know, in like heavy doses.

I guess

it's just sort of like a disassociative, right?

So, like I said, I felt like I was one step removed or there was a piece of glass in between my body and my mind that I was like behind, if that makes sense.

Yes, and you were able to talk and communicate what you want in a haircut in that stage?

Yeah.

All right.

Nice haircut.

She was a little pricey.

I didn't go back For a woman doing it in her kitchen.

But then you were spending all your money on ketamine.

That was a freeze.

You got to figure your hair down to your throat.

Yeah.

Wow.

Okay.

I like the lucinogetic.

I've done acid mushrooms.

I've experimented.

I luckily don't have an addictive personality, so I'm able to dip into these things.

I used to think that for myself.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I was all balls when I what's that?

Molly.

That was fun.

Yeah, I tried Molly once.

I tried Molly once.

Nothing happened.

Yeah.

I tried it.

It was very, very low.

I had a low, low, like, it didn't really feel like that much, but my wife also took the same amount, and she was like, this is the best drug ever.

Right.

You know, it hits different people.

Yeah.

I wish I had that experience with it.

It was great, but it's like a truth serum.

I was very, like, open and

weirdly like, here's how I feel about you and like how I think I'm going to be able to do it.

No sandwiches.

No sandwiches.

I mean, I was being pleasant, but like, I was with a group of people that we had just recently sort of started hanging out with on vacation and like in a Puerto Rican farm is where we stayed.

It was an Airbnb.

But I was saying things to them, like, I was like, this is like season 12 of my life, and you're the new cast of characters they brought on to like keep it going.

I'm loving it.

And like, they didn't take it.

I met them.

I mean, it's the most self-centered approach.

I know.

I understand that.

Now, you're all in the middle of my world, you understand.

It's very self-centered.

You're basically extras.

Now I see.

But you know what I mean?

I was being very candid.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But at the heart of what you were trying to say was very sweet.

Yeah, I think, yeah, I thought so.

Yeah.

So what would you say to this Coke guy?

I don't know.

I will say

all you can do is

mildly suggest, be like, dude, I want you to have a heart attack or like, you know, maybe you should slow down a little bit.

But as a, if he's full-on, like, into Coke, if he's a druggie, there's nothing you can say.

There's nothing you can say until they don't want to do it anymore.

It has to come from within.

Or what if this person

That's what I found anyway?

I was not ready to give up Oxy until I was ready to give it up.

Okay.

Yeah.

Yeah.

That's like rock-bottom type shit.

Then you're like, I've got no money.

You know, I'm lying to my friends.

You know, I'm just like, I feel dead all the time.

Sure.

More so.

Sure.

Yeah, it's tough, man.

What if he did a line of Coke, like faked doing a line of Coke in front of his friend and then faked a seizure?

Like, pretend that, like, he got the bad line of Coke.

He got the Coke with the fentanyl.

Yeah, and then just got down and started flip-flopping, you know?

Like, a fish.

Yeah.

Maybe got a blood capsule in there.

That's not a bad idea.

It got all foamy.

Yeah, and then just be like, oh my God, that, you know, the doctor said I almost died because it was bad Coke.

Maybe that'll do it.

To take the question literally, it's how to approach telling them, and I think it's just...

Don't be judgmental, you know?

Yeah.

Don't criticize, be like, you know, it's just, it's coming from a place of love, that kind of thing.

Yeah, I think so.

I think if you just lead with it, like, joking aside, if you're just like, look, man, I'm just telling you this, I love you.

You're just doing too much Coke, man.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think if you're a good enough friend with the person, like, you've been friends with them long enough, like, they can hear it.

Yeah.

Unless they're so immersed in it that they're like, fuck you, I don't want to hear this anymore.

Then there's probably no getting through to them unless something bad happens.

But that's pretty good advice.

Don't be judgy, because that puts somebody on the defensive.

That's all it is, really.

All right.

So

bad boy.

I saw Bad Boy doing it.

Your friend's Coke problem is all done.

Yeah.

That's another good one over here.

Cured.

Tom wants you to come back to TSD and D.

Tom, Tom?

Mm-hmm.

Yeah, well, when are they playing again?

I don't know.

Actually, they're playing tomorrow.

Oh, well, I mean, I got to be told about it.

Step one would be to let me know when you're not doing it before, you know, and then we could talk about it.

Oh, I'd love to come back.

They play Dungeons and Dragons sometimes.

That's fine.

And I played for the first time.

I've used to play Dungeons Dungeons and Dragons.

I used to play it, but this is the time I played on the podcast.

It's hard to do it continually, right?

Oh, I had a fucking blessed, but again, they have to tell me they're doing it for me to do it.

But, you know, what are you going to do?

All right.

I've noticed a lot of ants have

problems.

Psychological problems.

Yeah.

Problems at home.

Yeah.

That might be why they relate to us so well because

we get this closely.

Let's see.

Gonna be 46.

This is a woman.

Okay.

Going to be 46.

Gave up everything to care for my mom, grandmothers, and raise my kids.

Now they're all either past or have grown up.

Now I don't have a purpose.

How can I get out of this?

I just feel so down.

Dear Joe.

That's tough.

Oof.

It's no husband, I assume.

I don't think so.

Hold on.

Let me look at the picture here.

No, it's a lady with a guy, so.

Well,

wouldn't you just be free to like pick up your marriage where it left?

Married mom of two boys.

So she's married.

Okay.

She lives in Jersey.

46.

46.

Maybe she ain't delivering, man.

Maybe she needs to come down to the general store and let me and you give her a little something, something.

Or a little bit.

Get back on track.

Yeah, she could do better than us, I think, at this point.

Probably.

Gonna be 46.

Gave up everything to care of my mom.

I mean, first, I'd like to say

good on you.

That sounds like you shouldered a lot.

Yeah.

Dealt with a lot.

Your mom, grandmothers, and raised my kid.

You know, that sounds like very respectful towards your family.

It's very sweet.

So right away, I think you should give yourself a lot of credit and make yourself feel very good.

But look, I mean, do you think that this is, Joe, like, it's just like not used to freedom, right?

So he doesn't know what to do with the time.

It's probably an overwhelming

expanse of like, what do I do with all this stuff?

Yeah.

All this time.

You define your own purpose, so it's really like, is there ever a hobby that you wish you'd start?

I truly believe it's not too late to start something.

Yeah, I also think,

look, it sounds corny, and it is, but I think that the baby steps into this brand new world that you're taking.

It's like, take a class, whatever, sewing class, cooking class, whatever you're interested in, do a class.

It sounds corny, but I bet you, like, you, she needs structure.

Right now, she has no structure.

She had a lot of structure before.

Her life was mapped out.

Open up to marriage, you know?

Yeah, I mean, why not?

Yeah, I mean, you know, maybe try something different there.

But you got to find structure, which I think a class will do.

I think, like, I have these friends.

They go out every Wednesday night.

Every Wednesday night.

Wednesday night's their night, and they do it without fail every Wednesday.

They have friends over.

Sometimes they throw parties with fucking 15 people.

Sometimes it's just the two of them.

Usually it's a group of people doing things on Wednesdays.

And I was always jealous of that because I don't have the ability to do that week in, week out, be like, I'm doing something.

But the structure of it sounds so nice.

I know every Wednesday I'm going to have something to look forward to.

So it might be something as simple as like,

there's a local bar or restaurant.

If you don't drink, Wednesdays we're going down to that.

You know, build structure.

And that's where you're going to meet new people.

Well, that's what she's doing.

I think she's looking at it as this huge blank canvas, like, what the fuck do I do now?

Yeah,

yeah.

Yeah.

So you spend your whole life thinking of other people, and sometimes you just...

You just feel it, but I think that's it.

Don't look at the big picture would be my advice.

My advice would be break it down into manageable chunks.

Get some small structure in your life.

You'll make new friends.

You'll be open to new experiences.

And

I think that's what I would do if I was her.

You can't just sit there and be like, what am I going to do with my life now that I have all this free time?

Because there's too many answers to that question.

I also think mushrooms could help.

Expand your mind.

Expand your mind a little bit, you think?

Taste.

Muckerdose.

I don't know.

Yeah, when was the last time you did mushrooms?

A couple years.

I did acid last summer.

That was fun.

That was a weird one.

Acid's a weird one.

It was great.

It was a really nice time.

We were on the beach in the,

I guess the Hamptons.

And

it was a toothpaste.

It was a bachelor party.

We all split it.

And we were doing it, and everyone's having a really nice time.

And then a family of waspy people ran onto the beach and kind of started looking at us weird.

And they were carrying like an urn with them and started to like scatter ashes into the ocean.

It was very bizarre timing.

And you're on acid trip.

Yeah, I'm like, what is going on?

But they were doing it and they were like each taking turns scattering, but like selfie filming it the whole time.

It was very bizarre, trippy experience.

And a lot of the people in the group didn't notice.

So we're having a good time and laughing, like our group of acid people.

So it felt like a very incongruous

thing happening.

But you were there first.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah.

Find somewhere else.

There's a whole ocean.

The Native Americans were there first.

Yeah.

Well, you don't know that.

That's true.

So they say.

Yeah.

I'd love to see some questions.

All right.

You knocked that one out.

It's just my thoughts.

This is a tough one.

Joe, how long have you been married for?

Three years.

Three years.

Okay.

So you can still remember being a single guy.

Oh, yeah.

Well, how long were you with her before that?

Before we got engaged or married, or we got together in like 2014, so before 10 years all in.

Okay, 10 years in.

2013-ish.

All right.

So

you have some experience as a single guy.

Now, it was different, though, I think, when you were coming up.

This guy's question is, how are men supposed to approach women when any interaction can get you in trouble?

And women can literally make anything they want up and ruin your life for any reason.

His current plan is to keep his stuff and die alone.

Well, first, I would say to drop that attitude.

I don't think that's a realistic attitude, bud.

That's just not true at all.

I think interactions that get you in trouble is when you approach total strangers.

I just think also when you're a dickhead, like my first advice would be like, you know, don't don't kind of be a dickhead.

But like, I don't think that women are saying, like, don't approach us.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think it's just maybe don't put the outcome you have in mind at the forefront of your actions and kind of ju you know, like you if you're doing it and you expect something or have an expectation, you're probably bound to get let down and like bound to approach it weird.

And I think maybe just like keep an open mind and

I'm not talking you to hook up.

I'm just trying to get to know someone and read the story.

And they'll be like, sure you are.

Sure you are.

Well, it's like, you know, I hate to say take a cooking class, but if you're taking a class, sad point.

Yeah, like

you have to like, look, first of all, that attitude is not a good attitude to have.

I don't think that that's the way the world is.

I think that's the way the world is portrayed because you read it online and like everybody gets in trouble for everything.

You say one thing.

You look at a girl in a gym who's filming herself, and suddenly you're the CAD.

Yeah, but that happens,

like, that happens all the fucking time.

Just bad people that you should try and stay away from.

Yeah, like you just, I just, it's a very fearful approach to women right there.

Now, if you're at work, I understand.

You know what I mean?

Like, that I get.

That I'm just like, hey, man, you best just keep it fucking on the up and up and keep it professional.

There's plenty of hot and very nice 13%ers

who aren't going to act that way.

Oh, yeah.

So you go out to one of these Facebook groups, you know, you start talking to people, meet some people, start, what do they call it, sliding into the DMs, that sort of thing.

Yeah.

With a nice unsolicited dick pic.

Yeah.

You know, girls love that shit.

They do.

I find.

Oh, sorry.

It's my mom.

My mother.

Mom.

Yeah.

Yeah, I think that you need a healthy attitude towards women.

I think that, I mean, we ever really.

I think take the class.

Take the class.

Yeah, I know it sounds like a bullshit thing to say, but like

every piece of advice is taken class.

It does sound this way.

Well,

it's an approach.

It's like you're in a class where you're not.

If you're at work, forget about it.

Don't do it at work.

That's where my fear would come in.

You got to be careful.

You got to be careful, and that's for everybody's benefit.

Fucking forget it.

But like, I mean, the guys at bars and shit are such scumbags.

Like, there's so many stupid assholes out there that all you got to do is be respectful, not be a stupid asshole.

And I think that you'll be all right.

Of course, now I don't know what he looks like.

We could be looking like a fucking chud or an octopus or some shit here that I don't know about, in which case, you're kind of going to be fucked because you know, women are like men, they want something they like looking at.

It's true, but you can't hold that against them.

What I like about suggesting a class is that if you make yourself vulnerable, I think people will appreciate that and open up to that.

You know, this is not a pickup artist thing, but if you're making yourself vulnerable,

that's an easy way to connect with someone.

Yeah.

If you don't know like a technique or something and like in cooking, So

easy opening.

It's an easy opening and it allows you to put like a side of your personality on display that's not there when it's just like, hey, baby.

You know what I mean?

I would say

95% of the women that I've been lucky enough to be with in my life have come to me through

just social interactions, like not at a bar picking them up.

It's like, oh, you're going to a concert or what, you know what I mean?

Because it's not an expectation.

Yeah, you're just having fun.

You're having a human conversation.

Next thing you know, you're round in third.

And then, if they get to know you, they're not going to want to like quote-unquote cancel you because it's like they know you as a person, you know, if that's even some kind of fear.

I feel like once you're into it even a little bit, you can probably get a decent read on the person.

Although, I gotta tell you, I watch plenty of these like murder porn shows, and there's lots of people who get tricked into shit.

Like, it's like she was the best, you know, or he was the best, and we had such a great time.

And then, six months in, suddenly, like, I found out that there's an insurance policy on me, I wasn't unaware of, you know.

There's nothing you can do about that, though.

There's no way I'm going to point out.

That's shitty luck.

That's as shitty luck as it is good luck to have a fucking dude on your plane who knows about hydraulics.

Being one of the hundred that lived.

I think the children lived, by the way.

Oh, okay.

Well,

they were in the good section of the plane.

Okay.

Okay.

All right.

A lot of them, at least.

Yeah.

Most of them lived.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I would say that's it.

But you got to drop that fearful attitude towards women, man.

If you put that out in the world, that's going to come back.

You could smell it.

Yeah.

Well, it sounds like maybe he had a bad experience, right?

Like this happened to him.

Or maybe he's, or maybe, yeah, like you say, he's just fearful because he reads about it all the time.

It sounds like it because to come in that strong,

but there are crazies.

We know I was abused.

Remember, that girl was fucking smacking me around.

Hitting you in the head with a door.

Hit me in the head with a door.

She would always throw shit at me and stuff like that.

Like now, at this age, and that was in my 20s, I'm like, why the fuck?

The first time something was tossed at me, like, why on earth?

Oh, brother, do I hear you?

Do I look back sometimes and I'm like, why not that time?

What's wrong with me?

What was wrong with me?

But you can't project that onto women.

You can't be like,

that's a problem with me.

Like, they were asshole crazy women.

They were asshole crazy men.

It's just like, you got to get out of it.

You just got to get out of it.

Take a class.

Take a class, brother.

Yeah.

I'm sorry, this is what I ran through me.

Can I go pee real quick?

Yeah,

the key for it is,

you'll see it.

Open this door.

It's hanging on the magnet right next to the door.

It's the top one.

Oh, boy, we could talk about him when he's gone now.

Yeah, I know.

He's not cool at all.

Oh, fucking this guy, man.

I didn't think he'd come on the show and be a dud

over here with his tails of fucking housing and children and marriage.

He's supposed to be a Staten Island Bad Boy.

I know.

This is no Staten Island Bad Boy.

Well, let's see.

Maybe the hair guy's in love with John Burgio for some reason.

I don't know.

He's texting.

Did you call him?

There's a whole group text going.

Yeah, just get him on the phone, man.

Let me find out from this guy what's going on.

Has he even met the guy?

This is.

I got to get to the bottom of this.

Yo.

What's the matter with you?

I'm seeing text that you're in love with Joe and Burgio.

Hold on.

What's up, Brian?

I'm reading a group text over here.

I'm not a part of it, but somebody else is.

And I'm hearing that.

What the fuck?

That you love Joe Mburgio and you want to make out with him?

No, I don't want to fucking make out with any guys.

I don't.

That seems to be the consensus.

Fuck the consensus.

Give him his phone back.

Fuck that.

Good lord.

Why are you so in love with Joe and Burgio?

I'm not.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

I'm on Speaker.

Get the fuck out of here.

But just why?

How do you even know who he is?

He's a great comic.

Does he do stand-up?

Not that I know of.

Oh, does he?

Yeah.

You've seen him do stand-up?

I think he came with a bunch of the writers to

one of the fucking

bordering towns over here.

Why the fuck am I on speaker?

It's so vague.

Because you're on the show.

You're a fucking guy.

Yeah,

we gotta fuck a border town.

Fucking all those border towns.

Fucking John Brady.

What's a border town?

We're not like mexico is not within sight

yeah it's like solo joels or some shit i can't remember the other fucking town i don't know it's it's nearby bunch of the ij writers king

so the ij raiders had like a show or something yeah oh okay and you you felt attracted to joe specifically i wasn't attracted jesus lord no dude there's nothing wrong with that man like at least in that way we're very progressive here if you wanted to

you know we could talk to him about it he's got a kid on the way.

We were talking about how much he likes First Base, too.

Oh, we got somebody online on the phone who's in love with you.

Did you ever do a stand-up thing

in a border town, in a place called Sojo's?

What is this?

Sojo's?

Yeah, what was the border town name?

This is Jimmy the Her guy.

The name of the club was fucking Soul Joe's.

Oh, Soul Joe's.

Oh, hey.

Hello.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That was the place with a nuclear power plant nearby, Pottstown or something?

Yeah, yeah, I'd say Pottstown.

Yeah, yeah.

You were there?

He was there, yeah.

Oh, wow.

God bless you.

I went there to see it.

He says he felt a spark.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

You like his eyebrow?

I mean, who doesn't, you know?

Wow.

I've yet to run into anybody who doesn't, so you're right about that.

Nice.

Did we chat?

Did we communicate?

You just stood in the corner like a wallflower?

Pretty much.

That's usually what I do.

Soul Joel told us while we were waiting off stage

during a bit,

in the middle of the show, he was like, Yeah, a couple people walked out.

Which is really encouraging.

It was sort of a workshop show, so it was a little loosey-goosey.

And he was like, Yeah, a couple people worked out, but it's going pretty well.

All right.

Crazy thing to hear in the world.

Despite that, it's going pretty well.

All right.

So you're denying your love of Joe Mbergio.

You just you think he's funny?

I think he rules.

Yeah.

You rules.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, Rule.

Thanks, man.

I appreciate that.

I didn't always end up on fucking space monkeys, but you know, defending my fucking heterosexuality.

No, there's no defense for that.

We all know.

Anytime you need money, the first thing he goes to, he goes, I'll blow a guy.

That's what he says right away.

That's easy.

I'm with you, man.

Third base.

All right, Jimmy.

We'll talk to you soon.

All right, buddy.

See you later.

Love you, Buck.

He's just throwing out love like it's nothing.

He loves you.

He loves me.

Okay, I see.

He's hugging.

I see.

Oh, yeah.

He So the eyebrow is what he loves about.

Is that what it was?

I don't know.

It sounded like it.

You have, just for anybody that doesn't know, you have like a freakish.

Yeah.

You have like a deformed eyebrow.

A fucked up eyebrow.

Yeah.

It's like kind of hideous looking.

Yeah.

What is that condition called?

Vitiligo, I believe.

But then I saw a dermatologist and she said it was something else.

Holeosis?

Yeah, that's it.

I never heard this term in my whole life until like this last year.

And I'm assuming this was something that your parents couldn't see in Ultrasound or something like that.

No, otherwise I I wouldn't be here.

Yeah, no.

No, it didn't occur until I was like three.

It would have a bored you.

It's just a wide eyebrow.

I came out normal.

It formed when I was like three or something.

It's cool, man.

And you at times have colored it.

Yeah, in high school.

I went to Farrell.

It was a rough, all-boys school.

You can't ever cover that beautiful eyebrow.

I know, I know this.

Yeah.

Who's mean to you?

I don't know, the older kids.

What did they say?

I don't remember names.

They would call me names like they said I I had mozzarella on my eyebrows.

It's really mean.

No, I don't know.

It's like, oh, you got a cum shot on your eyebrows.

They did.

Actually, someone did say that.

He was deeply closeted.

And it all makes sense now.

But I don't honestly, I swear, I don't remember specific insults, but it was like a target for sure.

Do you think that it was just more inside of you than external?

What do you mean?

Like, you were afraid?

Maybe, maybe I was afraid to face it, you know?

So, what did you use to color it?

I went to a salon on Highland Boulevard called Vis-a-V.

Vis-a-V?

You know, this place?

Yeah, I remember Visa V.

And I would go there and they'd color it in.

They'd dye it.

A 40-minute situation and listen to Zen music.

Wow, 40 minutes.

Yeah.

It almost feels like it was more like my mom being like, maybe we should, you know, oh, maybe we can help you and like get rid of this.

Right.

You know what I mean?

She was embarrassed of you.

She was embarrassed of my.

Yeah, they got shaving and drawing them back in, all arched, all high.

That would have been good.

So then, when you did, you get to first base before you colored it or after?

Yeah, first base, it was an arranged hookup.

What do you mean?

We didn't do or something.

It was like my friends I was hanging out with were like, you can't come up to high school a prude.

They used to call each other prudes.

When you haven't kissed anyone, you were prude.

You know this phrase?

Sure.

I haven't heard that.

I've heard the word prude, but not.

I had to get depruded.

It was almost like a rite of passage, you know?

There were girls who were willing to deprude?

Yeah, my friend's girlfriend did it.

It was like one of these things.

It was like an eighth grade, you know, set up.

Whoa.

He let his girl deproode you?

Yeah, I guess that's how they were very transactional, it seemed.

And how long did you go?

I admire that guy.

Yeah, how long did you go?

I don't think they're still together.

I don't think they're together anymore.

Oh, no, that killed it.

Well, how I got in the way.

Did you just like make out with her?

Is that what it is?

It was very perfunctory.

Yeah, we just put our tongues together and swirled them around for a while, and then it was over.

But I felt so good.

Yeah.

So cool.

So deprooded, you know.

So deep rooted.

I was no longer, yeah.

And then it took a while for me to find it on my own without an arrangement.

It's not the easiest in seventh, eighth grade, right?

Tricky.

I had braces, which gave me confidence issues too, you know.

Yeah, yeah.

For a long time, like five years.

When did those come off?

Between sophomore and junior year of high school.

Okay.

And then junior year, I guess it almost felt like I got my confidence back.

I made out with someone.

It was really cool, you know.

Well, you're not a prude, are you?

No, yeah.

You tell me.

So he graduated the high school that I graduated from, but 10 years later?

Yeah.

Yeah, I was 94.

04.

04.

So it was a 20-year reunion this month.

You're going to go?

I might, yeah.

I think I'm going.

You should go.

I have no problem with it with going.

Some of my friends don't want to go, and I'm just curious.

I like to.

I loved high school, yeah.

That's why I'm surprised that you got picked on because

well, I found my circle, you know.

But I found Farrell to be like pretty much like there.

There wasn't, I didn't see a lot of that.

What I didn't realize is it was kind of like I should have just given it back.

Yeah, it's dudes.

I know, exactly.

I I just told him.

Or been like, Gatto, find somebody like real big to protect you.

Yeah, yeah, it's Gatto.

Yeah, yeah, and pretend you're gonna beat them up.

Yeah, uh, yeah, it was it helped me develop a thicker skin, so I think it's all part of it.

You know, it's like a butterfly effect, I wouldn't change any of it.

Here we are, yeah, yeah.

All right, all right, we got another, we got another issue.

Well, I have the number for the mother-in-law if we want to straighten that out.

Oh, all right, phone number, yeah, that's all right, all right.

Hello.

Hey, it's Brian

from Space Monkeys.

Hello.

And Q is here.

And Joe Invergio is here.

Hello?

Yeah.

Oh, wait, is the mother-in-law right there?

All right, we'll try again another time.

That is rough.

All right.

See you later.

Oh, that was great.

Yeah.

Yeah.

What is that phone call look from the mother-in-law side?

Hello?

What is that?

Yeah.

Hang up.

Oh, that was pretty good.

That was pretty good.

All right.

We got one more.

Let's see.

Actually, we have a lot more, but let me try to.

Well, here's one.

Okay.

My lady wants to peg me.

Should I let her?

I don't know if this is a real question.

What do you mean, of course?

A sit bass.

Sit bass.

You've participated in pegging?

No, I haven't.

I'm familiar with the concept.

Are you holding back right now?

I don't think.

I'm not against it.

Nothing's ever gone inside.

No, my own finger.

Not even a digit.

My own finger.

Wait, what?

Just to see

while I was cleaning in the shower years ago.

Oh, okay.

I was like, what would this be like?

How was it?

It's fine.

Didn't feel anything.

Felt weird in there.

Yeah, I mean, this guy, the question is, well, what's your advice to him?

I mean, it sounds like he just needs us to tell him yes.

Yeah.

I don't think there's a real

show.

It's not gay.

It's cool.

Yeah.

No, I don't know.

I mean,

it's one of those questions where it's like, I mean, if you want to.

Sure.

I don't know how to answer that.

I think

I feel he almost has to do it.

Yeah, and then report back.

Yeah, for one, I want to hear what it's like.

Two,

well, why does your wife want to peg you?

Is it out of well?

He said his lady, not his wife.

And that's why I think he should do it because he has got on his hands.

A good fucking girl, man.

If she's like, hey, man, I want to try shit like pegging, she's up for a lot.

And if you let her do it,

I mean, you got a chip.

That's true.

Then you can be like, you know what, I want to try.

I want to try fucking your best friend.

That's pretty good.

You know?

That's true if you can do that.

Yeah, that's the way I would go.

I think that, is there, you're a different generation than us.

Is there, if, do you know any of your friends into pegging who have tried it?

I don't think so.

I don't think so.

You know what?

I actually, I can't, I shouldn't have said it, but I know someone that we both know.

Really?

Yeah, that has tried it, but I can't.

Obviously, you can't.

Well, I could tell you the name and believe it.

Don't tell them.

It's me.

Hold on, Hold on, hold on.

But I know this isn't going to be good for anybody at home, but nonetheless.

You're going to text me?

No, I'm just going to show it to you.

You got a picture of it?

No, no, no.

I got.

While you're doing that, I'll read the next one.

I've been obsessed with.

I'm not done with the pagan yet.

It's okay.

This can fit in between.

I've become obsessed by Get Him Steve Dave to the point where I've started to grow a beard and started to fight at random so that my teeth would get knocked out.

I was close to burning my house down the other day, but the look on my horror's horse's wife

snapped me out of it.

Help.

I showed him the name.

I showed him the name.

He's blown away.

I didn't hear anything.

He was blown away.

To be fair, what he told me was that he's like, well, everybody's had

stuff up there.

Everybody goes through that stage, right?

And I was like,

stayed?

I was like, now look, I'm not against it.

It's at all.

Go for it.

Not at all.

I just didn't see that one coming.

Yeah, you didn't see that one coming.

But if a man,

a manly man like that can do it,

anyone can do it.

Now I say go for it, sir.

Right?

You got to go for it.

I mean, what?

Life is a rich cabaret.

Although, judging by his username, maybe that's the

rancid farts.

Rancid Farts.

Maybe it's more of concern for her.

Get him.

Could you click on his photo?

Can we see what he looks like?

Because to me, if a girl's bringing up stuff like that, I mean, that is a keeper to me.

No, not photos.

I think that's a keeper.

Yeah, it's a photo of a raccoon with an

assault weapon.

Okay.

Yeah,

I think you got a girl who's coming to you with stuff like that.

Unless she's doing something like hot wife and

she wants to fuck other dudes, then you might have to have a conversation.

Yeah, this one is pretty

contained.

Yeah.

I feel like...

Most women don't want to see their men like that.

Right.

So there's a whole other psychology to play here that we can't begin to comprehend.

Yeah, like I feel like if I asked my wife, like, hey, could you peg me?

I think she'd be like, sure,

but

just doesn't want to see it.

Doesn't want to do it.

Doesn't want to see it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But I don't think it should.

I think you should be free to begin pegged.

I'm going to go home and demand it.

Yeah, fuck you.

This is my goddamn house.

Fucker, put them on Patreon, man.

I actually think my wife would like it.

She'd

enjoy that.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Just because it's me, you know.

Not for her, just to laugh about it.

Um, yeah,

well,

one time I told her it was not me, undies, but I was like, you can rip these off, yeah, and she got so excited to do it, really, yeah, like I was just like, at any point today, you can rip these off and do whatever you want.

Did she do it?

Yeah, it was so cool.

She had the strength to like tear, no, they were falling apart, they were very old.

Oh, yeah, that's part of why she was so excited.

And then she threw them and they like hung right perfectly on the doorknob.

It was a really crazy fucking sounds calm, man.

Yeah, but your wife is cool.

Yeah, she's a cool 80.

Yeah, like I would not be surprised that she would be able to pull off a rip and toss onto a doorknob.

It was fun.

I never saw her so excited.

That's why, I mean, the pegging thing, I think she'd just because it's me.

Can you ask her?

I'll find out.

Yeah.

I'll go

as far as you want.

I'll go as far as I can with it before.

Yeah.

All right.

I'm so curious.

Giddam is asking: do you use a dildo larger, smaller, the same size as yours?

That's a good question.

I think you got to start small.

I think you've got to work your way into it.

I would think so.

Yeah.

Yeah, I wouldn't be prepared for.

Lots of lube and tiny little thing.

Like how girls sometimes they have those butt plugs that they wear them around all day sometimes.

Like they're very small.

The bejeweled one.

The bejeweled one.

Yes, yes.

What the back's like a gem?

Yeah.

It's like a gem.

Yeah, it's pretty.

You think that's just a plastic gem, right?

That's not worth any.

I mean, if it was, I'd be tearing them out and fucking

truffle hunting.

Yeah.

What color is the gem?

I saw one that was purple.

Purple.

Yeah.

Yeah, you saw a purple?

It was like a silvery.

Yeah, you're basic.

Of course.

All right, sorry.

We didn't hear the other question because I told them about it.

That wasn't even a question.

It was a shot of kids.

But now that you thought it,

do you kind of see it?

Especially if I'm...

Yeah, I can see it.

Yeah.

I have the answer for this one.

My wife wants tickets to see this comedian for her birthday.

I cannot stand this comedian whatsoever.

I obviously have to get her tickets for her birthday.

How do I make it through this event?

The comedian isn't BQ Quinn just to get it out there.

Okay, very funny.

uh walt told me this yeah you just got to do it you just got to do it you just got to do it yeah

i i didn't want to see blue october for the sixth time or the first time i didn't want to drive an hour or the first i didn't want to drive an hour and a half to get there an hour and a half to get back but it's something that she loves so that's when i have to remove my my

natural born self-centeredness yeah did you see the whole opening act too yes what my friends opened not only not only did we see the whole opening act but we got there an hour early accidentally So we sat there for an hour.

Then the opening act.

My friends opened for them.

I wonder if you saw them Kitten.

Wasn't it?

Kitten?

Kitten, no, they didn't open for when I was there.

Okay.

I can't remember the name of the band that did, but I do remember liking them.

They were better than...

Yeah.

And Blue October Bund, it's not bad.

It's just like it's kind of a little too emo-ish for me.

It's not bad music.

I understand why people like it.

This one, Larina, I would attempt to answer this for you, but this seems very, very involved.

Let's see.

Again, like, holy shit.

Like, okay, Adam Lewis asked, how do I get over my dead fiancé?

I'm still in love with love with someone I can obviously never be with.

Oh, man.

Man, we need a little more info on this one.

Yeah.

Like, how long it's been.

I think without knowing any information, I mean, if a woman that I love died,

whew.

I mean, I I think you just gotta give yourself

as much time as you need, man.

Like, I don't I don't know if getting over it is

I don't think you ever will.

Yeah, it's more about accepting and moving past, but

fiancé, man, I kind of want to know this guy is fucking sad.

Yeah.

I'll snap that one for next time.

Yeah, that's a rough one, man.

And

you have

my sympathy on that.

Our own Lulu Brown asks us, any advice for a trans woman with putting up with longtime established clients who want nothing to do with trans people?

Another tough one.

Jesus.

Well, again, it's like without knowing the information of what she does.

Yeah, I'm not sure.

Established clients who want to work with trans people.

No, I don't think so.

Because that's probably a roaring business.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Man.

Well,

I don't know.

I've, I've

just telling you my own experience with working with people or doing things that I don't want to do for money.

I mean, I've done shit I don't want to do for money.

So I guess it's like, you know, some people will take that stance of like,

hey, man, like, you got to, you know, you got to stand by your

beliefs and tell those people, fuck off.

I'm not going to work with you.

The reality of life is, I guess, sometimes you just got to suck it up.

I don't know.

This is a tough one.

Without knowing the financials of the job or anything like that.

Send us your financial information.

Yeah, you have a bank statement.

You can come send us.

You have bank statements.

Social security number, maybe.

I would say like if you're a trans person, you have such a

hard enough client ahead of you that maybe you don't need people like that in your lives.

Yeah, but if she's saying long-time established clients, I'm assuming she works for a company.

So like

she has to get transferred off those clients, maybe.

I mean, you can kill them with kindness, too, and just be like, in the face of like, I know you don't like me, but I'm going to give you no reason not to.

I'm going to be so friendly.

Well, that's the thing I don't understand.

Like, are they, do they know that she's trans?

trans?

And it's like, ew, fuck off.

Or are they just making comments about trans people in front of her, not realizing she knows

that?

That's

tough to tell.

Even her picture, I can't really tell how

much people would know or not know that she's trans.

It's rough.

I feel.

I'm reading more and more of these where I'm just like, we're not qualified for it.

This one I'm not qualified for.

I mean, yeah, I don't know.

Well, you're not, but but that's why I'm here.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sweet ass Bun Bun asks, Should I tell my dad about my OnlyFans?

I told my mom that she was super supportive, but I'm 99% certain my dad would disapprove.

Well,

I feel we can answer this one.

We got this one.

Don't tell you that.

Don't tell that.

Do not tell you that.

He'll find out on his own.

Yeah, one of his friends is going to sign up for his OnlyFans.

Can we see Hub picture?

Can you pull that one up again?

What are you going back to?

Sweet Ass Bun Bun.

I know you're lingering on the trans woman, which is fine.

No problem, but I'd like to see the OnlyFans woman.

He can pull it up.

Meanwhile, I'll pimp Mary Beth's OnlyFans.

Oh, there you go.

Mary Beth Rosie, M-A-R-I-B-E-T-H-R-O-S-I-E.

If you want to go see some boob and butt.

She's showing boob and butt.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, how about that?

They're having a party over there.

I don't mind.

It doesn't bother me.

You don't care at all.

Not at all.

We found out that apparently there's like a booming market for breast milk, like bodybuilders.

I just read that.

Yeah, I just got a little bit of a film.

I just read it.

And my wife's into selling it.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Yeah.

She's producing that much?

Not yet.

No, I mean, when the time comes.

So I'm open to this.

Well, it's different.

And a mortgage.

Yeah.

Here's how you know you shouldn't tell your dad.

You know how everything's fine right now with him and you don't have to worry about shit?

Yeah.

If you're 99% sure your dad is going to disapprove, why would you tell him?

Yeah.

There's really no reason to.

Also, don't know what's going on in that account.

Is it just like cheesecake photos or is she like pegging some dude in it?

But why would you tell your dad?

Why would you tell your dad?

Yeah, I don't think there's any reason to, really.

Feeling of the burden of

wanting to be honest?

I don't know.

Sweet ass Bun Bun is an Asian with curves.

Sweet ass Bun Bun.

Is that how you're describing her, or she just describes herself?

That's how she describes herself.

Asian with curves.

Well, one of his friends is going to find it anyway.

I don't know.

I mean, there's a lot of people people on OnlyFans.

There are a lot of people on OnlyFans.

To stumble across it, I think, would

be unlikely.

Whoa.

Hello.

Oh, she's got it right out there.

It's an odd shot, though.

Retweet.

Retweet if you love BBW Asians with a fat ass.

People do like that.

Of course they do.

I would not tell your dad.

Although, it seems like you're on Twitter naked.

I would say also for me, like, not love.

Do I still retweet?

Just kidding.

She's showing her face.

It seems hard to believe that her parents do not already know.

Yeah, like if you're on Twitter doing this.

Although, I don't know, maybe her dad's an older guy.

She also asked her mom, who's obviously very supportive, she can use.

Well, I'll tell you what, I'm looking at her.

And if this is your type, she's a great example of it.

She's pretty good.

Yeah.

She's a great example of it.

Whoa, she's bringing it down.

Oh, she stopped.

All right.

I would not tell your dad.

Let your dad live in.

I have an idea for OnlyFans for myself where every day I try to suck my own dick and never, I can't reach it.

So we're kind of.

I don't have people holding on, like hanging on to

like today's conversation.

Sorry, guys, maybe tomorrow.

Wait, do you do, you put in

the good faith effort?

Yeah.

Like limber up and stuff, stretch.

I mean, I don't think anything beyond those 30 seconds of me trying.

I think it's like monkeys with a typewriter.

You know, I'll get it in

But the whole idea is to tease it.

You don't want to see me get it.

Like, you're just rolling around the room with a potato bug

rolled up, just trying to get your own dinner.

Trying different methods.

But that's also, you see, when you do eventually do it, that's pay-per-view content.

You can't get that away on your regular stream.

That's true.

Oh, gosh, we did it.

Like, do you think if I started an OnlyFans account that was like literally like my feet, I'd be able to get

my feet.

Your feet, absolutely.

Fred Flintstone, giant giant Harry Hobbit feet.

Oh my god.

Yeah.

There's somebody into those feet.

There's probably a lot of people that are into those feet.

Do you think I can get away with it without letting people know who I am?

Or do I.

It's hard to promote then.

Because people want to, they don't, they don't want to see it.

They want a story.

Yeah.

Oh.

WikiFeet menu.

Wiki feet.

There you go.

On WikiFeet, Brian Quinn, Encel Volcano.

Wait, what?

There's a Wikipedia Fafe?

Yeah.

This is the craziest fucking.

Those can't all be photos of feet with me.

Appears to be.

My God.

Someone's profiting up your feet right now.

What?

That was your retirement plan.

I'm on this clone right now.

What the fuck?

There are close-ups of my feet.

This is the craziest thing.

This is AI throws this together, right?

AI is like find photos of feet on the show.

Oh, my God.

There's some foot fetish gal out there right now.

Oh, guys.

Hey, that's the Sunset Marquee.

I love that photo.

Wow, look at those feet.

Some good-looking feet, after all.

Yeah.

Thong.

Wow, you thong.

Wow.

So there is already a market for this.

Me and Shay.

Little interracial feet thing going on?

Yeah, Shay is is going to be a fish.

I guess she had to take her feet and her shoes.

Fuck yeah.

We'll put my right foot and her left foot

in every photo.

So it's a white foot and a black foot.

I would be curious to see how much you can make doing that.

It sounds like you have to worry about not hiding your identity.

It's already out there.

You might as well.

I know, but how to, is it a bad look?

We'll call it a punishment.

Like a failed punishment?

Yeah, yeah.

Whoops.

Whoops.

Wow, there is.

That is crazy.

Yeah, what do they have?

Sal's?

Let me see Sal's feet.

Sal has big blocky feet, doesn't he?

I don't remember.

He's got flat feet.

Flat feet.

That's right.

What condition does Brian Quinn have?

Could you click on that?

All right, I'm past Sal's feet already.

I want to know what condition I have.

Sal's on the water feet.

Wow, this is wild.

What condition does it have?

Depression.

Oh, depression.

All right.

That's what I wanted, when you were talking earlier about acid,

somebody told me, I just need to get a hold of it, but somebody told me that if you micro-dose,

it really helps with depression.

Mushrooms too, right?

Yeah.

Mushrooms I can get, yeah.

Acid, yeah, I don't fucking know.

I might have a guy.

You want to have an acid guy?

Yeah, but like it creates neuroplasticity in your brain, so it allows you to reforge these connections, you know.

I need some reforged connections for sure.

So those associations you have that are negative, that trigger bad feelings, you can kind of like redirect them.

It just takes the bravery of like confronting them and trying to like face it.

That is the tricky part.

What do you mean, in while you're tripping,

you have to think about what's bothering you?

I think a little bit.

I mean, I'm no psychiatrist or anything like that, but I think part of it is like forging those new connections.

Right.

You know, if your brain is like

a vinyl LP, it's got those grooves in it, and they're very deep, and you kind of want to create new ones.

How I do it.

You ever been in therapy?

No, don't eat it.

I probably eat eat it.

I kind of like being a little fucked up.

Yeah, but you're not really a depressed.

Like, I never really see you as counting me grims, right?

I'm kind of like, yeah.

What is your damage?

What is your problem?

I don't know.

Probably imposter syndrome.

Deuge.

I think everybody has that.

Yeah.

I think everybody has that.

Everybody has that.

So.

At least it's part of the human condition.

Because you see other people and you're like, yeah, they belong here, but they're like, they don't fucking belong here.

These fucking mothers.

Maybe I don't.

I think I can come across dispassionate about things.

Maybe I have a hard time feeling excited about stuff.

Okay.

So it's almost like

I don't have these swings of emotion.

You too?

You have a hard time getting excited about things?

A little bit, yeah.

So do I.

Yeah.

I'm going to start talking to Joan Bergum, but I feel like

we have some very similar personality traits.

Yeah.

Is this good or bad?

I don't know.

Yeah, like going to a concert that I want to go to.

I'm still like.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I mean, so that also means I don't have the swings of manic or depressive things, but I'm kind of so centered that like it takes a lot, which is kind of why I'm always trying to experience new things.

I need like the thrill of like another

kick.

You need to kill like a hobo to get in a round shift.

Yeah,

I'm saving that.

Light them up.

All right, who else we got?

All right, let's see.

What do we got?

We got a lot more, but we've already been going an hour and a half.

All right, all right.

Let me see.

Let's see.

I'm a board.

Okay, Okay, so this is a woman.

Okay.

She is a bored.

She's also a TESD junkie.

Don't worry about that Coke.

Main line that tell him Steve Dave.

Great.

I'm a bored 53-year-old accountant.

How do I get over my self-esteem issues and get back in the game?

Oof.

Take a class now.

Back in the game.

What game of luck?

Yeah, I guess.

I think she means like she probably got divorced or broke up with a boyfriend or something.

I think she's talking about, yeah, like the sexy game with the bases and all that.

Right.

It's hard to do that.

Maybe she's talking about the generally accepted accounting principles.

You know, you ever heard of this gap?

No.

This is more of an accounting joke, I guess.

What's the joke?

She do something that's generally not as accepted in accounting.

This is a deep cut.

She's laughing at this.

She's going to tell us to the accounting department.

They're going to crash.

When he writes them for the show, we just like

we just move on.

Why isn't he delivering pizza again?

crashed my car bad driver uh wow don't you wish do you wish sometimes that you had the unbridled energy of like a murray or a ming chen because i'm looking at ming up there yeah ming i mean i took exception with the other day i'll show you this fucking picture of this fool i i went to um you know ming right yeah yeah yeah i i uh i was on instagram let me see let me be able to find this now

I'm on Instagram, and some of the things that I subscribe to are like good news stuff, you know, like, and one of the things was this kid with Down syndrome was playing basketball.

And of course, you know, they never scored the whole season.

And finally, like, you know, they made the basket with help of the other team.

It's like one of those warm, feel-good type things.

And then the very next

fucking,

the very next thing on my feed is this fucking idiot posing next to a fucking Tim Hortons cup saying, love you, Timmies.

And it immediately just drained it.

Yeah, it just drained it.

I got you angry.

Yeah, I was just like, what is he doing?

Why does he do shit like this?

Love you, Timmies.

Love you, Timmies.

And then, of course, has to add him and then fucking do the hashtag double double, whatever the fuck that is.

I guess it's some sort of coffee or whatever.

I just don't know what his problem is, man.

I feel like he's the one that has the problem.

Yeah, he does.

Yeah, like, why?

Why does he have to take it away from me?

Are you jealous?

I know you're jealous.

Block Ming.

I can't block Ming.

He's one of my best friends.

Stupid bastard that he is.

He is an incredible person, Ming.

I like Megalo.

He is always out there.

Murray is the same way.

All the energy in the world.

Yeah.

I don't understand at all.

Yeah, I wish I had it.

I wish I had some of it.

Yeah.

I would say to this woman.

This is this lady, yeah, sure.

How does she get back in the game?

Well, isn't it easier to get back in the game than ever now?

Like, there's all these dating sites, and

you can go online and meet anybody.

Yeah, yeah, maybe.

There's some people I know.

Like, they go on, they use, you know, like Tinder and some of these other dating sites, and they just they fucking clean up.

Like, Tinder's old.

Now people are on Field and Hinge and

Tinder's old news now?

I think so, yeah.

And they just bang, huh?

It's just bang.

And never.

I was in

Nashville two weeks ago, and one of my guys from my fire house retired down there, and I was at the bar waiting for him.

And I was chatting the bartender, this nice woman, I don't remember her name, and she's like, What are you doing here?

I was like, Oh, I'm just meeting someone for a drink.

And and she was like, Ah, you wait to meet them on, on, like, on an app?

And I didn't even understand what she meant.

I was like, I was like, What do you mean?

And she's like, an app, and I like, it was like she was speaking a different language.

I was like, I don't

know.

You feel like appetizer?

Yeah, I'm like, I don't know.

I don't understand what you're saying.

Do you mind if I do?

And she goes, Online, did you meet them online?

Oh, I go, on an app?

I go, no.

I go, I actually have never had that experience in my life.

I missed out on that because I think I would have fucking loved it.

I think I would now.

Back then, I had an opportunity and like started with a little, I was not good at selling myself.

I did not have any success at all with Tinder.

It was all so brand new.

They didn't figure out their algorithm.

They would have been hooking me up.

That's the thing.

I think they've gotten better at pairing people or something.

Okay.

If you think about all the data they collected over the past decade, like, but isn't this just a bang fest?

Like, that's what, yeah.

God bless.

Oh, man, that would be so nice.

So that's, yeah, that's a good idea.

That's a good, uh, that's a good advice.

That's the way to do it.

Now, she's 53, so she's almost as old as I am.

Yeah.

So, yeah, she's in the same, like, like, right now, if suddenly I'm single, I wouldn't know what to to do.

Like, I would think Tinder was still the fucking hotspot until Joe just told me.

Right, right, right.

Oh, that's her?

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Oh, it's her with Steve.

All right.

She's not a bad-looking lady at all.

No, not at all.

What shirt she wearing?

Oh, look at her.

She's cute.

She can make that happen.

Yeah.

What shirt did she have on that other picture?

Wait, is she there with those two kids?

I thought it was Telling Steve David for her.

It's Gatto and Gatto Pups, I believe.

Oh, Gatto Pups.

You're an attractive lady.

I don't think she would have that much of an uphill struggle.

No, get a nice picture of yourself.

Pop it on.

What was it?

Field?

Yeah, Field.

That's for fucking.

That's just for fucking.

Well, I think she should do that.

Yeah.

I think she should.

You want to get back into the game.

You start with some fucking

peg a guy.

Oh, look.

Yeah.

I guarantee she pegs someone, she'll be very excited.

Oh, that's it, man.

Wait, she's in four-color demons?

Yeah.

Oh, she's all set, man.

She'll be all right.

Well, you know what?

For the last, actually.

She's attractive.

She's a good-looking lady.

This problem, this guy has the exact opposite problem.

He says, how do I stop being an incel?

Same answer.

Right?

Well, an incel has negative.

Involuntarily celibate.

Right.

Is that what that means?

Yeah.

That's what that means.

Yeah.

Involuntary.

Involuntarily celibate.

Oh, so we're all intels from time to time.

I hear.

Yeah, but I think you're right.

Like, the incel has the connotation of being really angry at women.

Yeah.

Being like, they won't fuck me because of this or that because they're a bunch of bitches.

So he's saying he's got the self-awareness to say that he is an incel and he wants to stop being one.

He wants to stop being one.

Yeah, I mean,

that's mushrooms, join a cooking class.

Yeah.

Well, I would see like, why are women, what, why aren't women

getting with you would be my question.

Are you that's the thing about that?

That's what's tough on Twitter.

Like we usually usually what we do is we'll call somebody and we talk on the phone so they can give us all this additional information.

So, doing it on Twitter is tough because you don't have any of the details.

A little tougher.

I think that

it's like a cat.

You can't make them do what you want.

You have to kind of play it cool, let it come to you, and then have no expectation.

I've always thought women are like cats.

Yeah, but if he's

grotesquely overweight and has got a poor app, no, he looks all right.

He looks like a normal guy.

Yeah.

I mean, maybe, maybe, you know, maybe hit the gym a bit, man.

Make some positive change in your life.

Like, get yourself a little ripped.

I mean, you just have to be happy with yourself.

I don't know.

Dad bods are in, I hear.

At least that's what I'm perpetuating.

Dad bods are an acceptable lane to be in.

But I want to see this guy.

He's already, he's not in bad shape, this guy.

He's drinking some paps.

Nor is he a bad one.

10 years ago, though.

That was 10 years ago.

Oh, that was 10 years ago.

Okay, okay.

I think you put a little work in yourself, my friend.

Get some work in yourself.

Get yourself to the best version of yourself you can be.

I don't know.

He doesn't look like he should be having.

He looks like he should be like a mountain lady, like an outdoorsy-type lady, right?

Yeah.

Take a class.

Take a class.

Love yourself with some mushrooms.

Yeah,

yeah.

Break free from generally accepted accounting principles.

Don't be angry.

Yeah, it's hard to give it to him.

I would say you got to kind of fucking...

How do I stop being in cell?

I mean, you could also just go to a prostitute.

You could.

But then they would be angry at the prostitute probably.

I got to fucking pay for it.

No, you got to love.

You have to.

If being celibate's the issue, and there is legal prostitution in the United States, like, uh-huh.

Take a swing out.

You can go and just get to know the prostitute and, like, connect on a human level with them.

That's not impossible.

Yeah, treat them like an actual human being.

That'll be nice.

You know?

And then once you get robbed, look for restitution from Joan Bergio.

Well, you take it as a learning experience.

So you're like, all right, all right.

I got rod that time.

I've had sex with a hot prostitute, and then she ripped me off.

Hey, life experience, man.

We know people like that.

Yeah, like, what do you think?

Yeah, we sure do.

Yeah, a little life experience, man.

You'll be all right.

Do you guys know guys that have lost their virginity to prostitutes?

I have met one or two people that have done that yet.

I personally do not.

Yeah.

It actually, you know, it sounds nice.

Someone to guide you, right?

Well, if they're going to, yeah, if they're really going to take care of you throughout the process.

Right.

Yeah.

I picture like a slightly older, like a middle-aged southern woman being like, all right, honey.

Yeah.

You know what I mean?

Like, all right, let's, you know, guide you through it gentle.

Maybe she gives you a little bath beforehand.

That does sound nice.

She does, right?

You know, she's supporting.

Yeah.

I don't think there's anything stopping you from doing this.

Yeah, I guess, yeah.

And just like, and she walks you through it and she says sweet things to you.

Sweet nothings.

Yeah, I don't know.

That'd stop anybody from being an incel.

I think.

Have we helped, sir?

I don't know.

I don't know.

All right, well, there's an outdoor woman.

Who's that girl?

They're wearing the same shirt.

She's got purple hair.

A wood-splitting sword.

Look at her.

Oh, fuck, man.

Yeah, that's an outdoorsy lady.

Yeah.

Oh, I was so embarrassed the other day, man.

Mary Beth fixed the dishwasher.

Oh, Jesus Christ.

She fucking ordered the part.

She took the whole top.

I was was fixing it with a bread tie.

I'm like, fuck this shit, man.

She went online.

She Googled the part number.

She got the right part.

It came.

She took the whole upper tray out.

Yeah.

Took it all apart, fixed it.

Works perfectly now.

Nice, nice.

And I was just like,

yeah, that's it.

That's what I need, a bread tie.

That's my tool of trade right there.

You just got a tool belt that is just filled with all those?

Yeah, it's just, I mean, the bread tie wasn't working, so I would have to jam it in.

God damn it.

Yes.

I'm not curious.

There's something fucking wrong.

I actually do.

I have a thing with my dishwasher, too.

Can I borrow that?

Can I have that?

You need this?

Yeah, you should have it just

funny.

All right, man.

I'm going to get this guy back to his pregnant wife and new home.

All right.

All right.

Thank you.

Thank you for joining us.

We appreciate it.

Thank you again, Reddit.

Yeah.

Yeah, be nice to the poor boy.

Yeah, be nice to me.

Fuck you.

Bring it on.

All right.

Peace, assholes.

Yeah.