#585: AP Law

Hey, it's your old buddy Bry here to let you know that this week's episode is also on YouTube.

You know, it's one of those rare occasions where we had cameras in the studio, so now you get to see what John the sexy lawyer looks like.

If you go to at TESD Town on YouTube,

hello, just a quick announcement, or really not so much an announcement as more of a plea for assistance from any tech-savvy ants out there.

I am looking for someone to help with 3D scanning.

I have two items that I need scanned, and I have not been able to locate anybody in the New Jersey, New York area who was able to do it.

So that's why I am reaching out today for anyone who might have the abilities to 3D scan an item and then send the files of the scan back to me.

All right, so if you have the capabilities and you're in the somewhat local area, my email is kmuse2 at gmail.com.

That's kmewes2 at gmail.com.

And I would very much appreciate if anybody is able to help us out.

All right.

Thanks.

Back to the show.

TSD Town is full.

I mean, I'm sorry, it's full of wusses.

Yeah.

It really is.

It's a mama's boy town.

I want Q and Brian angry at the game.

I want Walt belittling Q and Brian about how dumb they are, their dolts for not getting it.

I will happily, you know, help TSD free of charge if it's something I can actually.

If it's something I can actually do.

That is on a record for life.

If it's something I can actually do.

We've got nine cameras going to prove it.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave.

Hey, Walt.

Hello.

Hey, Q.

Hello.

And hello, John.

Hello, everyone.

Yeah.

I'm excited to be here.

All right.

As everyone else knows, I'm a sexy lawyer.

We can finally drop that.

Thank God.

And now, John, the lawyer.

Well, why are you dropping it?

You weren't wrong.

I wanted to ask the table.

Did my hype live up to the expectations?

The adjective I would use would not be sexy.

He's clearly a handsome man, but sexy lawyer sounds weird.

It just sounds weird.

And then when I meet the guy, I'm like, hey, it's John, the sexy lawyer.

All right, well, we don't have to call him that at all.

All right, now we can just call him John.

I feel like, I'm telling you, I wish you were here earlier.

I talked to John for like an hour.

I'm like, I want to be his friend.

Really?

Yeah.

He's a cool guy.

Well, what's he got?

Super interesting.

Yeah, he's got all kinds of stuff.

We're going to find out.

I know.

Q doesn't like it.

I don't like that.

You don't like me.

And all of a sudden, he's not the most handsome guy at Bible.

He was the IKD4 at 580 episodes?

I got to pass the torch to this guy.

Q.

Walt asked me for a hug.

No.

Of course not.

A gripping hug.

How old are you?

35.

Oh, younger.

He's younger.

He's got some kind of career going on.

He's got a genise qua about him.

You should have seen it earlier.

He had a scarf on that completed the outfit.

Yeah, yeah.

Mr.

Big from Sex in the City walking around.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But you can curric you.

I wasn't, I wasn't.

You got a nice head of hair.

I like it.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Okay.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think Sexy Lawyer, I think like

Ghostbusters.

Like a woman.

Ghostbusters 2.

That woman that got like, that was trying to get him in court.

Oh, right, right.

You saw her garters.

That to me is a sexy lawyer.

You think my eye would pass that show, that queer eye for the straight guy?

Yeah, I think it would.

I think I would have my own picking out.

Yeah, that's a 10.

That's an eight.

Wait a second.

Are you a gay guy?

No, no, no.

Measuring up good looks on a masculine good.

Oh, okay.

Okay.

Yeah,

I would go with Sexy Lawyer.

I think it's a...

I think we can drop that.

John the Lawyer.

You know, I'm just relieved it's not John the Sexy.

Yeah.

Ghost pussy, the least impressive of all the nicknames.

There's a lot, like, there's so much I wanted to ask him, but I had to hold back, you know, during the conversation.

Yeah.

So I don't know how much you want to give away in terms of like who you work for, but he is, he's hardcore, Q.

What do you mean?

He has listened to the catalog three times.

When he's at work, he keeps it on all the time.

See, if I was one of his clients, I wouldn't want to hear that.

So I keep it on in.

So I'm corporate counsel for a technology company.

Okay.

So I don't, I have clients, but they're separate from that.

So in my office for that job, not many people come come in.

Oh, okay.

So, I can just kind of let it go.

And if people don't like it, well, then too bad.

They can leave the office, I guess.

All right, that's cool.

What about if a subject comes up that's not

office fair?

The door is closed.

Do you have one of those buttons that locks the door when people come in?

Oh, I wish I had.

Yeah, I don't.

Knock it right down.

Yeah, I wish I had.

I don't know.

No.

Yeah, but we found that

we're like kumbayan, like, uh, movies and TV and world views and all kinds of stuff.

Yeah, this is what happens when you're an hour late.

I got to start looking for new friends.

I was an hour late.

I got to be honest with you.

Oh, you weren't an hour late.

That's true.

You were not an hour late.

You were giving the wrong time.

15 minutes late.

So, how did you guys actually come together?

Like, did you email Walt, I guess?

No, I just showed up one day after the office, and John was here.

And,

you know, he just was here long enough for us to find, like, pick and

see what, who he was and what he was about.

And

first, he told me he's

one of these guys that

will get dropped off in the remotest part of the wilderness and just survive with a twig and a piece of string.

I don't know.

He told me that.

You're right, that you

have no food and nothing but like a knife.

So, no.

And no clothes, right?

Yes.

You nailed it.

Just a loincloth.

So.

But you did, but you.

I do.

I do love the outdoors, and I do go.

Where do you live?

Sorry, where do you live?

Just north of Boston.

Well, okay.

So that was your Massachusetts plates out there.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

I was like, I wonder if this is him.

Is it Peace Carp?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Well, fuck.

If they could drive a piece of shit.

And yeah, but I do do, I like to fish a lot.

So I like to go to really remote parts.

solo alone and I'll camp out there and yeah, but I'm not like I don't I don't bring like a catch catch fish and then cook it and then eat it?

Yes, I've done that.

Yeah, wow, that is manly.

That is that's something I can never do like I would eat the twig and I'd eat my own loincloth probably

that string looks not that string looks like it might taste good.

I'll have that for dessert.

But I bring backup.

It's not like if I don't catch a fish, I starve.

I do bring other food.

But you don't bring a cell phone, you told me.

Well, my cell phone doesn't work when you go out to those places, so I need a satellite phone, which I do have because

if you, you know, if something happens, that's

your only line out.

And do you bring any weapons?

Didn't you say you're not shot?

Yeah, if I go to bear country,

I'll bring a firearm with me.

What do you use to shoot a bear?

My brother just got a Desert Eagle.

Yeah, I don't bring a Desert Eagle.

I mean, I know they say 45 Magnum is the thing to use for a bear, but I use a 357 Magnum just because

I'm more accurate.

I've never had to use it, thankfully.

I've never had to shoot a living thing ever.

Well, your first thing would have been to shoot the bear, right?

You fired in the air, scare him away a little bit.

Yeah.

Well, you want to just be loud in general around bears because bears usually don't want to have anything to do with

the tip of his ear.

But

I've never

gotten to the point where I've even had to take it out.

I mean,

this is why I'm so like captivated by this man because TSD town is full.

I mean, I'm sorry, it's full of wusses.

Yeah.

It really is.

It's a mama's boy town.

It really is.

So, like, when someone like John walks in, it's just like

fought off.

Yeah, they've fought off like attacker and the whole invasion.

I would have run away.

Alex is stabbing people.

Victor's trying to shoot people.

Tom's reading a book about colored magic.

Who are you talking about?

That's the perfect example.

Tom is sitting in the back, waiting for a DD episode to come up after we record this, and he's reading a book.

John would be out there there killing some sort of like animal to eat in the meantime while people wait for the bargain

yeah like have you killed something to eat while you were out no no no you always really

fishing hunting i respect it and everything but i don't know if i have it in me to like kill a deer or something like that just to yeah yeah

even though hey i eat meat i go to the grocery store i know where it comes from but uh yeah something about actually doing it something Something about looking them in the eye and taking them down.

Yeah, they're seeing their children next to them.

Right.

Eating away.

How did you feel the first time Walt and Giddam started polishing your knob on the air?

I was shocked.

Did you know it was coming?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Because I had come in, Walton said,

I had some time, so I emailed.

I said, hey, could I come down and check the place out?

Of course, yeah.

We had a nice conversation.

I was here for a while.

We were talking.

You were here for so long that I was like, this dude is not a real lawyer.

You can't have this much free time.

He can't possibly have this much free time.

He was here how long?

Two and a half hours.

Oh, yeah.

It was, again, it was a great.

It was like sit-delated conversation.

But I was like, when he left, I was like, I don't think he's a real lawyer.

Look at the light in your eyes, Walt.

You really like this guy.

Well, like I said, I mean, he came down and when he said that, you know, he had a legal background and we had a legal issue that I can talk about now.

For years, I was trying to get now from this nda

no no no not

that he's working on that one

he's working on that one

he's making inroads

i have a couple words i'm allowed to say top five

um

and he's working on getting me a few more but for years i was trying to get cryptozoic man

like back or not totally back but somehow work with the character again yeah for

purposes that I wanted to bring the character back and do something with it.

And I couldn't get any response from the original publisher.

I mean, emails went unanswered for years.

And

I asked John if he could look into it and

tell him what happened.

So,

yeah, I took a look at the agreement, the original agreement with the publisher.

And I quickly realized realized that they probably had no real interest in giving the materials back to Walt because it was too small of an issue.

So I found another issue in the agreement, an issue that I knew would get their attention.

Oh.

And

what would also benefit Brian and Walt.

Can you say what the issue was?

It's up to Walt.

Let's say it.

And then,

well, as my lawyer.

Should I say it?

So here's the thing.

There's nothing in that agreement that I reviewed that would preclude you from saying it, but I don't know if you've signed other NDAs with that company, with AMC, or anyone else that would.

No, we could say it.

Okay.

So basically,

there are royalties.

There's back royalties that are likely owed to Walt and Brian.

And I thought that would probably get their attention because that's a legitimate issue.

Because that's when they, what do they call that?

When they

check the books.

What do they call it?

They've got it audit.

And so there was language also in there that stated that

it is at each party's disposal to hire a third-party auditor.

Yeah, this is standard stuff.

Standard stuff.

Very the day that Joker's ends.

Very standard.

I'll be ordering Warner Brothers and the production company.

Give me a call.

It's standard stuff.

Look at those books left and right.

Can't wait.

It's standard stuff.

So I thought, okay, this is probably the way in to get them to respond respond at least sure so i sent them a letter right where i went through everything i cited the different parts of the contract it's a standard like demand letter basically you weren't being a dick about it no not at all okay man these at the end of the day the the reality is and

you know in my job i deal with other businesses and we never wanted to be something where um we're enemies right sure uh so yeah i i was really nice about it i brought the points up I said I was excited, basically, about kind of giving some new life to this property.

Great.

And then over months of back and forth, sometimes slow, sometimes quick to respond,

you know, we at least have.

Was there anybody over there that worked on it originally or were they like, what's this?

Yeah, no, they knew what we were talking about.

Okay.

And

like John says, over the course of a few months, the dialogue was opened and

he came through and we got the green light.

We can use Cryptozoke, man.

Nice.

You know, and we're going to reprint the original series in a nice big hardcover with a brand new story.

I want to do it.

With them, or it's all back to you guys now.

It's not back to us completely, but we can use it for what I want to use it for.

Oh, very good.

I'm not really interested in trying to publish it to the marketplace, like the mainstream, like go through diamond and everything.

I have, like, I want to do something I have a plan for with the Patreon and

something I really wanted to do for a while.

So,

and

John got it done.

It was my pleasure.

Really, I

enjoyed doing it.

And like, nobody,

it's just weird, though, how you just see an email from a lawyer.

It just means a hell of a lot more.

Like, you pay attention to it way more than

the guy who co-created the property.

It was just not the way it should be.

Right, but it is weird how the world works.

Wow.

Pro bono?

Yes.

Wow.

And to be fair to you.

You think he's so sexy.

To be fair to Walt,

I think that if I reached out asking just for what you had been asking for, I think I probably would have gotten ignored too.

You wouldn't speak having the other issues connected to it is what really opened up the communication.

So, those other issues ended amicably for their side?

They're still ongoing, the other issues.

Okay, yeah.

So, if you did charge for this amount of work that you've done, what do you think that that bill would do?

That's an interesting question.

It would be just an estimate, but

somewhere between five and ten thousand dollars.

Wow.

The work that you put in?

Yeah.

Wow.

Yeah, man.

We should have went to law school, bro.

Because every attorney I know is like bank.

Just based off

of the research that was done.

Right, right.

You know, yeah.

And then the phone calls.

I wonder why he's on this episode.

Oh, yeah.

I got, I mean, I got a Patreon show lined up.

John the Lawyer presents the greatest, the funniest legal cases in history.

But my offer still stands.

I'm happy, if I I can, I will happily

help TSD free of charge if it's something.

If it's something I can actually do,

that is on a record for life.

If it's something I can actually do.

I've got nine cameras going to prove it.

I'm going to go and fire my lawyer.

It's going to be 5% of everything I make.

Let's just get that out of the way.

Good guy, but it's over.

But like, if Geddam gets arrested or something, I wouldn't be able to handle that.

I'm not criminal.

I'm not criminal.

So like what are some like, what are some of the things that you're

you know, you would fall under?

Like we could go to you with these types of problems.

So most of what I do

is I negotiate contracts most of the time.

I say 50% of the time.

I set up for different corporations

like the infrastructure for their corporation, usually smaller businesses.

Set up like phantom stock plans or set up, make sure that they have the appropriate policies and procedures depending on the type of business they're in like i work in the financial sector a lot so it's highly regulated you have to make sure your company has x y and z different policies and procedures and so that's part of what i do now um vendors now when you were a kid

At what age did you say, you know what, I want to be a lawyer?

I don't know.

I mean, I always, it always seemed like something I couldn't do as a, like when you're, I'm really young, you know.

I think after college is when, and when I started to get internships working at law firms, I thought,

I think I can probably do this.

So it wasn't like, so as a kid, you weren't just like, I'm like, that would be a good idea.

Oh, I think as a kid, I'd be like, it would be so cool to be a lawyer to do this.

But

to go from that to, I'm actually going to do it.

I think I can do it took a long time.

But because it's not like, you know, like when you think of people like, I want to be a lawyer, it's usually, you know, it's not like I want to work in

financial law.

No, it's not criminals and stuff.

Yeah, I wanted to be in trial, do trials.

And I did some of that in law school and after law school.

But it's nice to just, you know, work from home or go to the office once in a while and not have to, you know.

But like to make your case to 12

people

on a jury.

Yeah.

Now the only kind of trials I do now are podcast trials.

And you may have one coming up, right?

We're going to be doing a trial by fire, dot, dot, dot, ants,

where the man sitting over there who hasn't been on Mike for almost a month now.

Look at him, he's checked out.

He's looking at his phone.

He's not even listening.

Get him, Steve Dave.

You're going to represent him.

You're going to, you know, be his defense

to try to sway

whoever the judge is

to allow him to come back on Mike.

And I thought, like, you know, someone said it would be a great episode 600,

you know,

the trial by fire, which is coming up, I think, in 14 short weeks.

Wow.

Yeah, it's coming up pretty fast.

600?

600.

So, what do you think, you?

What would you like to do?

Would you like to

you and Bride judge or would you like to play?

What role would you

co-judges?

Would you like to begin with?

Oh, we could commiserate.

I don't want to prosecute.

I know, that's the thing i don't want to do it either could we get like the angry cunts that are online to like zoom in and give testimony like just be like hey man you could block your face and shit but all that nasty shit you say about get him you could come here and like give your argument i i think that would would scare all these fucking

basement dwellers

to be like that would shake in their boots with they could write it online anonymously they can write any heinous shit they want sure but can you imagine walking into this room and saying it to this

man's face?

To the man's face and all his friends and everything.

I really doubt you're going to find.

Unless there's some fucking angle.

On Zoom, though?

You think they to dial in over Zoom from their basement?

Well, my best friend.

They could wear like one of those anonymous masks.

Yeah.

Oh, God.

Yeah, yeah.

God folks.

Because we want just a random listener to go up against a real lawyer.

Why do you have our testimony?

Not for the lawyer.

Are any of the barons free to prosecute?

Okay, Barons free.

Oh, God.

Well, there was was a guy on the cruise, I'm sorry, who did a lip-sync song as the white bastard.

I saw photos.

Oh, he was

really looked like you.

He nailed it.

Yeah.

He even had the Eric Andrew couldn't get over it.

He's like, you still have the

price sticker, the size sticker on it.

He did a great job.

It was great.

Yeah, his name's Justin Kyle.

I met him on the boat.

He was a great guy.

Great guy.

He got it.

He was a hardcore.

But when he came up, I didn't know he was coming up.

It was photo accurate.

Okay.

But a Baron as a prosecutor?

Well, if people feel like they can't get

angry enough, mean enough to prosecute Gedim as themselves, perhaps a Baron might be able to.

Well, he has a rival in TSD Town, too.

Giddam does have a natural rival.

He's here today.

He's into fantasy books.

He's here.

What's that called?

Reading about Purple Magic?

And he has volunteered to be the prosecutor if we can't come.

He asked me if I wanted to be.

I said, sure, boss.

But he has said that he would be up for the challenge.

And he says, like, there's no shame in losing to a real lawyer if he loses.

So,

you know, I think he would go into it with a lot of,

he would take it seriously.

Would you?

Everything Tom does, he does seriously.

You're willing to really seriously try and keep Giddam off the show.

For the sake of the show, sure.

Okay, I like that attitude.

We do need somebody to be because some of the stuff on they say about Giddem is pretty rough, so I would feel bad.

I would feel bad about saying some of the stuff that they put on Reddit about Giddem.

I don't know if I'd feel like that's but that's what lawyers do, though, man.

They're like, they know their fucking, their client is guilty as sin, but they're just like, let's go after the victim.

Yeah, like you're looking at him.

That's not a human.

That's a shark right there.

He's a corporate lawyer.

He's not, he's not.

I feel a little safer, but I I don't know.

Some of the stuff are pretty mean, but how hard can I go at Gidem?

As hard as you're willing to go.

I mean, for the sake of the show, for the sake of

the bit of the episode,

I think the anti-gethem crowd

would like to see their viewpoints

accurately represented.

Yeah, represent it, you know, with a lot of vim and vigor, you know, not go into it like you're going to roll over and show your belly to first.

No, no, no belly.

Well, I don't know.

a handsome lawyer.

I don't know.

You're not a bad-looking guy, bud.

Come on.

I'm no handsome lawyer.

Yeah, I'm good.

I'm in.

All right.

Well, you're

if necessary.

You don't know yet.

Maybe there is some listener out there.

My email hasn't changed.

It's kmuse2 at gmail.com.

If there is some listener out there that would like to come in and act as the prosecutor,

we're open.

I'm open to listening to why you should be the prosecuting lawyer.

You just got to.

Especially if you are a lawyer.

That would be amazing.

Do you think there's two lawyers listening to TV?

I don't know.

I was shocked that there was one.

Remembering back to Q's trial, Chris Ledondo performed really, really well at that trial.

What was he at that trial?

Well, he was, I think he was a witness for you, but you even said, I want him to be my lawyer.

Because he did a very good job.

He won't take the job, though.

He texted texted me privately and was like,

he wants to get him back on the show.

He thought that we were being assholes keeping him off.

And I was like, bro, it's a bit.

Chill out.

So I don't know if you'd want the job prosecuted.

We leave no meat on that buffalo.

Oh, that's a bit?

Okay, that's a bit.

Yeah, wow.

When you were doing your

you said you never professionally defended anyone criminally or you just did No, I just don't.

I do not practice.

You do not.

But you did it in law school for practice?

For practice, yeah.

How'd you like it?

Because I always, like, whenever I watch that kind of shit, it's like they go on and on and on.

And I'm like, I don't think I could talk for that long.

Yeah, I mean, when you see a movie and you see a closing statement in particular, it's usually pretty short,

flowery, emotional.

Most of the, there is some of that, but most of a closing statement, and these can go on four hours, it's just about summarizing evidence that's beneficial to you and then going through the evidence that, say, the prosecution has and discrediting it with argument.

You cannot argue during the case in chief.

You can't argue when you're questioning someone.

You can't make your points of argument during those questions.

So you reserve those points of argument for like a closing statement.

But you can get them like, because you see it all the time on like shows, movies, where they trap someone with the questioning.

Sure.

Where they're like, aha, but you said

you can do that.

You can impeach someone for an inconsistent statement or something like that, but you can't necessarily connect those dots for the jury until the trial.

Excuse me, until the closing argument.

All right.

All right.

Now, you said you had

kind of had written up something in case you weren't sure what was going to happen today.

But could you give maybe just a couple of little talking points of what you think your defense might be in episode 600?

Wow.

Because,

I mean, I'm sure if you've listened,

you know that the argument against him is

strong.

It's strong and it's financially damaging

with threats of people abandoning the Patreon.

Yeah.

So I won't.

Sorry.

I just want to make a suggestion.

Why don't we make the trial episode 599?

This way we go into 600, celebrating all the things and knowing whether he's a part of it or not.

Okay.

Just something to think about.

I'm good with that.

Unless that's the gimmick for 600, and we don't want to think of another gimmick.

All right, so we'll talk about that.

Yeah,

that's a worthy 600.

You might be right.

All right.

So,

what did you draw up?

How much would this have cost, just what you drew up?

Because there's a lot of paper on this.

Well, this is two copies of this.

And it's very big print because I thought I maybe deliver it.

Would it be just as much to get Cryptus Oakman back as what you wrote?

No, this is less.

Okay.

Yeah, because I didn't have to go through a case file.

I just, from knowledge and memory,

wow.

Yeah.

So, yeah,

do you want me to do it or do you want me to just

some things?

Yeah, you don't want to give away your whole thing.

Yeah, give away your whole thing.

So basically, I wanted to, I think there is a really good opportunity to have people empathize with Gedham here.

You know, we have a situation where

little Gedam, you know, was abandoned by his biological

parents.

Sure.

Is that your view on adoption, abandonment?

Well, I think they were.

It is.

Is there any well?

Adoption is when someone were to.

Right, but you would say that anybody who gave their kid up for adoption is abandoning them.

Kind of, right?

Is there any stronger statement from adoption than like, we don't want you?

That's what I was going to tell Joe DeRosa the other day because he was adopted, right?

I was going to be like, there's no stronger statement than like,

you have two parents and they both agree.

Nah.

Yeah.

But it's the

harsh.

I'm sure they have reasons besides.

But I like that better.

So you're going to go on the sympathy of the children.

Well, that's one of the, you know, whether or not

that's going to be rough.

You can't.

He's not a sympathetic figure.

I don't know.

He really isn't.

He's been unlucky in love.

Yeah.

You know, too.

And,

you know,

and you know, and he's found a home here in TESD.

Specifically in airport plastic.

Right now, you're arguing on his head.

This used to be his second home, but his first home burned to the ground.

So now this is his first home.

You know, then I was going to bring up a lot of the different points that I think people forget, like the fact that he is down to do just about anything for Tellum Steve Dave.

You want him to put a costume on, he puts it on.

You want him to kind of act like a fool, he will.

Unprompted even.

It's buffoonery.

It's his second nature.

You want a killer game?

That's Get Em Tainment.

That's where the ants.

It says you brought Get Em Tainment into,

you brought it into the case and now that they can really go after Get Em Tainment, which was the worst game in TST history.

Well, see, but that's what...

You know, as an ant, what I love is when things fall apart.

You know, I don't want the game to go off without a hitch and Q be delighted at how well it's being played.

I want Q and Brian angry at the game.

I want Walt belittling Q and Brian about how dumb they are.

They're dolts for not getting it.

That's what I want.

I think that's what the ants want.

And without Gethem, I think you miss out on a lot of those opportunities.

I do think, like, I, I, it, don't take this the wrong way, get him, but like, it hearkens back to the days of Stern with the whack pack.

Like, what are these collections of people like Jimmy the hair guy?

Love them to death, especially after this cruise.

Holy shit.

Walt,

I got off that boat, massive Jimmy fan.

You weren't before?

He said he wasn't short.

No.

He even said on stage, he's like, I'm not sold on you.

I was like, I don't get it, Jimmy.

But I was careful to say I don't dislike Jimmy.

I just don't get the rabid love for him.

And I got off that boat fully invested in Jimmy the Hair guy.

That crowd,

that crowd loved him.

Loved him.

He commanded that fucking.

He was in a theater.

Yeah.

Fucking he was in the biggest theater in the book.

He was the biggest theater, and he commanded the whole thing.

He fucking Adam Ray wrapped around his finger.

He did great.

That's where we're trying to get this guy, though, back to those levels of like adoration.

And he wants rap, he wants that crowd wrapped around those fingers, right?

Those big fingers, those sausage fingers.

You can wrap a lot around those fingers.

You can get a cyst working those fingers.

Yeah.

A ganglion cyst.

Also, sexy lawyer, do you think I have a lawsuit against Walt?

Because unbeknownst to me, he sent

dyslexia on the boat and sandbagged us in the middle of a show with a game of dyslexia.

Almost derailed my whole cruise.

As Walt's lawyer, it would be inappropriate for me to weigh in on this, but you might have an IIED claim.

Potential infliction of emotional distress.

Oh, I think I definitely do.

Killed.

Fucking killed.

I did not see it coming.

When Mary Beth pulled it out, I was like, oh, motherfucker.

Yeah, Mary Beth come up and read them.

Oh, yeah.

That was pretty brutal.

It was pretty brutal.

Well done.

Sorry.

Oh, so we were going over points.

Well,

what about the other sides

argument?

That you know, that like he doesn't know it all.

Yeah, that he doesn't really know anything.

He's just good at remembering Wikipedia facts

and

he squeals and makes weird noises, and just kind of is annoying and derails conversations from going where they might otherwise go to humorous places because he kind of like puts an immediate stop to it with something

boring, uninteresting.

Are you sure?

I think we found that prosecutor.

I think we found the prosecutor.

No, I don't want a prosecutor.

And the argument that, like, keeping him on is at

a detriment to our bottom line.

I don't know that I buy that, that it's a detriment, for two reasons.

Because the argument here is that he shouldn't be on the regular TESD episode.

No one is paying for that.

So I could see an argument where he shouldn't be on the,

you know, Patreon stuff because there are dollars that are attached to that.

The free TESD, you guys should be able to make all the decisions you want.

You'd think so.

Yeah.

You would think so.

I have plenty of emails and I can show you screenshots of online forums where they're like, I've canceled my Patreon subscription.

That's the only way to make these guys know that I mean business.

Keep them off, and this is the only way to do it.

And they're rallying other listeners to do that.

But he's already canceled, so go fuck yourself.

What do we care then?

But I mean, if we, you know, but then is it noticeable?

Is this a noticeable draw?

I got to have a forensic lawyer.

I was hoping you can go over our phone.

Go over.

Go over before you leave tonight.

Five-hour ride to Boston, you can just flip this over and go.

I don't know.

Look at last year's numbers as opposed to this year's numbers and see if there has been a noticeable decline.

It's tough, though, right?

You have to make a choice between your friend and the bottom line.

Well, but

is it

show business, though?

Show business.

Isn't that like the entertainment can't come at a cost of friendship, right?

I mean, sometimes hard decisions have to be made.

They do, but I always thought Tell them Steve Dave's strength was that they didn't really care, or at least everyone except Walt, didn't really care so much about the hate or,

you know, what someone wants.

I think Q has kind of been the most hard line about it.

It's like, no, the show is what we want the show to be.

Yeah, I think so.

And I think that that is the success.

I think that's a good thing on that camp, too.

I think Brian does too.

I think Q, though, because he's on a You're lucky when you do that forensic,

you know, look at our books.

He's looking at his mortgage, too.

Okay.

Sure,

he doesn't want to see those numbers.

Whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes.

Sorry.

This is an escape, though.

I think this is an escape from the typical entertainment world that you'd see.

Sure.

And

I can tell you that.

Yeah.

Yeah, I find that like

with Giddam, he's been on the show so long, and he is a friend.

I don't know, man.

I don't think you...

Just my whole career has been built with friends, so I can't see

jettison one.

Yeah, like it doesn't make sense to me.

You stay with the girl that you went to the dance with.

You know what I mean?

And get him kind of.

He's been on the dance floor with us a long time.

And it's hard because he has gout.

Yeah, it's rough.

It's rough, and he's not a great dancer.

But it's not like he's not involved in many other aspects.

He is on multiple Patreon shows.

Sure.

You know, no one has come after the patron shows yet.

You know, they've said, you know, just keep TSD pure.

And pure is

me, Bry, and Q.

But before Patreon existed, all of these shows, all of these shows, the kernel of that idea came from TSD, you know, whether it be Sunday Jeff

or Frank Fi or, you know, I mean, granted, those are two of the most good people.

Yeah, I mean, it has grown, like, like the family and the ensemble, the cast, if you want to, I don't really like to call it caste, it's more of friends.

Yeah, it's hard to deny that, like, so many great people have come into our lives because of TSD.

It would be a shame.

But that keeps the other motherfuckers on their toes, though.

Like, you know, they always got to be funny at all times.

They're not annoying.

Well, they get dropped.

The other option, why don't you give Giddam his own show that he has to produce everything?

I have begged him to do it multiple times.

I was like, you've got to get your own show, please.

And he just will not do it.

Big brains.

He invites a guest on each week.

They talk about stuff.

A lot of people are probably going to hate it.

Some people love it.

But without a doubt, you guys will have footage that you can rip on

for years to come.

So that's what we do.

Yeah.

We record it, you do video, then you go back and you watch it and you criticize them.

Yeah.

Yeah, he won't do it, though.

I've begged him to do it.

I was like, please, just, you know, this is going to be great for you.

It'd be rewarding.

And he's just like, he doesn't want to do it.

And, you know, it's for reasons of

where people think he's got like, he's got this calloused rhino-like skin where he doesn't feel any of the barbs.

It's not true.

He says that he fears that

he would be taking the task and he would be ridiculed for hosting his own show.

But so are me, Walton Q.

I told him that too.

I was like, hey, man, not everybody's going to like it, but a lot of people are going to like it, though.

So why not do something just because not 100% is going to like it?

That's never going to happen.

Unless it's IJ.

Sexy Lawyer, are you a Patreon subscriber?

I am.

What level?

I think I'm $10.

All right, nice.

So as a paying customer, like if he put out the Get Him Show.

Oh, I'd watch it.

Oh, I'll watch it.

Without a doubt.

Without a doubt.

I really like that.

Yeah.

Why wouldn't he do that?

I might even up my subscription.

Really?

Wow.

Why wouldn't he do it?

Why wouldn't he do it?

He's got to have a mic.

That's all right.

He's not talking.

He's not talking.

He doesn't have to talk on Mike.

He's doing a bit.

Why wouldn't he do it?

I don't do well on my own.

So he decides not to talk.

Go ahead.

You don't do well on your own, you said.

Okay.

All right.

But you wouldn't be on your own.

You would have a guest every time, right?

Right.

Well, yeah, I told him, like,

you know, do something with, like, you know, from 148's perspective, or like you're reviewing things.

You from 148 feet.

Yeah.

Pull it like that.

Something like that.

And I told him I would help him.

I'm like, I'll produce it.

I'll help you put it together.

He's just not interested.

He just won't do it.

Okay.

But

there was one one thing.

I don't know if you know of this, but what was the thing we were doing?

Was it a Jimmy's Mystery Inc?

Or Get Him Wouldn't Eat

chocolate pudding out of a diaper?

Yeah, that was a Sunday Jeff show about babies.

Sunday Jeff, yeah.

Yeah, so he, so he, so, prosecutor, you can't count on him every time.

That's correct.

Yeah.

Shirtless either.

That's in discovery now.

You can go after that.

Imagine that, ladies and gentlemen.

Wouldn't eat out of a baby's diaper

in the negative column.

But he would, you know, just as I think there are far more positives.

You know, he stripped down and,

you know, bare-chested and put green makeup on to become the Hulk.

He wears skin-tight outfits that no sane man would ever wear.

The hot dog belt.

The hot dog belt.

The hot dog belt.

You know, ate hot dogs off my belt multiple times.

Well, that's what, like, earlier I was saying off capital.

because you know they had to practice it.

Prototype it.

Like earlier I was talking about Jimmy the hair guy, but get him falls into the same category.

It's like you see these people who have sort of gravitated towards Tesdy Town and you're like,

each of them has value.

It's not like we bring in people and then they're just fucking boring and they suck.

Like if you don't see the get them and the value in Giddam, like I don't understand it.

Like the people who are Jimmy the Hair guy, why has he got his own show?

Fuck him.

I don't understand how you don't see the value in it.

I concur.

I don't get it.

I think there's a lot of jealousy.

I think there's a lot of people who are like, that should be me friends with those guys and doing all those things.

I do think there's some aspect of that.

Not all of it, though.

I wouldn't be that crazy to paint that broad a brush that they're all jealous, but I do think some are.

For sure.

I would just advise them, like, to get a skill you can charge a lot of money for and then just do it for free.

For tell them, Steve, Dave, that's probably your way.

We're neither of an auto mechanic here.

You know, it is tax season coming up.

I need some mechanic work, and my fence needs to be.

That's how you explain your Jeff.

But you know what?

There's somebody out there leaping like, I know how to build fences.

There's somebody who wants to do it.

Bill the fence guy.

He's now in his own show on Patreon.

Were there times in law school where you're like, man, I don't know if I'm going to make it?

First year.

First year?

Because they do this thing.

Everything's graded on a curve.

Did you go away or were you home?

I lived in Chicago for law school, which was away from me.

Oh, how awesome is that?

And the first year.

You know how much ass this guy must get?

Oh, fuck that.

That's flying ass up and down in Windy City.

College is

you not married?

I'm engaged.

Uh-oh.

Okay.

But I met her long after law school.

Okay.

All right.

All right.

Just so you know.

Just so you know, guys, you write your initial assessment.

Well, I want to make sure that's on the record.

Does she listen to TSD?

No.

No.

Why'd you say it like that?

Because when feet are.

So I have one friend, this guy, Miles, who listens to TSD.

Everyone else in my life does not listen.

And my fiancé, if she hears it going, she's like, oh, God.

Wow.

Turn.

Put your headphones on.

Is it because it gets them?

No, it's because

the voices annoy her.

I've been told I have a very nice voice.

Baritones.

Yeah.

What's her name?

Elena.

Elena.

Come on, Elena.

Yeah.

She'll probably listen to this because you're on.

She's definitely going to listen to it.

Give us a chance with our croaky voices.

What does she do?

That's so great.

She's an HR.

Yeah, she's an HR.

Oh, she's one who has to bust everybody for everything.

The fun police.

She's the fun police.

Oh, exactly.

Oh, God.

Could she be our HR?

The TSD Town Studio HR?

She has

so much fun.

That's like two full-time jobs.

There's this hot dog belt, and he's making people feel full of people.

Can we get this approved?

He doesn't

have a diaper.

He should not be wearing this green suit.

I don't know why they keep asking to wear this green suit.

Show our elephants.

Are we eating out an elephant's asshole on that one?

Some businesses are better without HR, right?

Definitely.

Oh, God, that's funny.

So, what, how did you discover TSD?

Oh,

I started listening episode 20-something.

Wow.

It was through Kevin Smith.

And

then I became like completely, completely enamored.

Because at the time I started listening, there was a lot of dysfunction in the TSD ranks.

You don't say.

It's different.

Oh, I think it's different.

At least from what do you mean?

Explain that.

Yeah, I mean, I'm curious in that person.

I think Brian was at a pretty low point.

What do you mean?

In his life.

I was at a high point.

Internally, internally, he might have felt great.

But no, I think, and

that was riveting.

It was so real, so raw, so much different than any of the other podcasts or anything I'd listened to.

So I was like hooked.

And then I stopped listening to basically every other podcast, except this is the only podcast I still listen to.

You were in your 20s, right?

You were like a young man in your 20s.

It's like,

Q, I think you said that,

who was it that you love, that

guitar player?

tom petty yeah tom petty oh yeah how like you would listen to tom petty albums and it kind of would take you through the progressions of your life yeah yeah for me tm tsd is like that oh i because you guys are 10 20 years older right um 20 really oh yeah we are damn sorry

some of us

yeah so i yeah i got to kind of see a little glimpse of what was coming the horrors that are coming your way it's funny i never keep listening yeah i never ended up getting like a huge television show, which made me millions of dollars, but a lot of other stuff was quite similar.

I wouldn't recommend that if you can do it.

I would recommend it if you can do it.

Wow.

What won you over?

Like, what was the one episode you're like?

Yeah.

This is it.

I'm a lifer.

That's hard.

Well, what pieces of advice resonated with you?

Waltz, Walt, big time.

Yeah, all.

Because, oh, yeah, for sure.

Waltz.

Are you squeaky clean, too?

No, you're on Mike.

You're on Mike.

Yeah, I am.

These days, I am squeaky clean.

These days, I am squeaky clean.

When I was younger, you know, I'd drink, go out, do all that, you know, all the stuff that young.

Fun stuff.

Fun stuff.

But yeah, Walt's advice was always pretty much dead on.

But,

you know, who is Walt going to give advice to?

You know, his life was seemingly so picturesque and perfect.

Well, he needed, you know, Q, you, and Brian,

whose lives were not always

to feel a little better about himself.

Yeah, and Brian,

you made him feel really good.

So honest you were, Brian, about

your life, what was going on, at least, you know, more than I think 99% of people would want to share.

And so that really probably was the big hook.

Just see.

There you go.

A lot of people who have been listening a long time, they pine for those earlier years.

They say say there's not enough of that

dynamic where it was like there was more, you know, there was a little bit of friction.

Now it feels like there's less friction and it's more, you know, bits, as they say.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, I guess one of you guys could take up like a drug, drug addiction and me.

Can I do it?

No,

I think that people that listen from a long time ago, like I have, it's now got to the point where we do feel like we know at least a part of you guys.

So just you guys sitting around and talking is at least it's entertaining for me.

I wouldn't try to force anything.

Okay.

Yeah, it's tough because you think like we started in 2010, so that's 14 years ago.

So like it was 42.

Yeah.

That is a long time ago.

And, you know, and a lot of the people who say, oh, those first hundred episodes, you know, it's not the same.

It's like, well, you know, a lot of these great stories were told then.

Yeah.

So, you know, you know, so it's sometimes you come, you come to the mic and nothing's happened in the last two weeks.

Yeah.

Yeah.

So there, you know, you have to take that in consideration.

I wander around my house waiting for the next IJ crew so I have something to talk about.

And that's why you get like, you know, somebody eating hot dogs off a belt because there's there's just not any more good stories.

I mean, that was great though.

Keep that, keep that up.

Keep the hot dog up?

Yeah, that was,

could we ever envision a day when, like, you know, because I want you to become a regular full-time GSP cast member.

Could you eat hot dogs off the belt?

Would it hurt your career?

You can't can't even wear them off the belt?

Let me answer that for yes.

But it's not out of the realm of possibility, you know.

It probably should be.

It lives forever, man.

Is Tom Brady wearing the belt?

Jeez, man.

This is something I know you're going to be very excited to be a part of, John.

Have you ever heard of Magic Spoon?

Oh, yes, I have.

Okay.

Well, there you go.

This is a man who eats healthy.

And this is.

Oh, yeah.

Everything about the guy is just beautiful.

You're right.

I told you.

His personality, his looks, everything.

Did you ever read Miracle Man or Marvel Man Q, Alan Moore?

Oh, yeah.

Remember the little twinkle he had around him?

Like this twinkle that

there's like a twinkle around him.

It's something.

It's an aura.

Yeah.

Like pixie dust just surrounds him.

I'm blushing.

You can get that with Magic Spoon, right?

That little cat.

In fact, that's the first thing they say right here.

Make sure to mention that.

You get a twinkle.

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Isn't that the truth, man?

I fucking love Applejacks, but how many Applejacks can I eat?

You're talking about the cereal?

Yeah.

Really?

That was your...

Oh, that was my go-to, man.

I almost choked to death on Captain Crunch once.

You know, like they almost what?

I almost choked to death on Captain Crunch once.

You know, how like they had those little peanut butter balls?

Yeah, and I was like, I was, I was putting them, I was very young, I was probably like five or six, and putting them in the back of this dump truck and then going and sucking them out, and it went down my throat, and I started coughing.

And my mother had to give me the hind legs.

She gave you the hind leg?

Yeah, wait a minute.

This is a story that has never been told.

This has never been told.

No, your mother saved your life.

Yeah, she saved my life because I was choking on a peanut butter ball.

And you've waited almost 14 years to tell us that you're not.

There's no other stuff to talk about.

She gave you life and then saved your life.

Yeah.

She saved my life.

You should be like

worshiping that woman.

I should be, but there's plenty of other stuff that I have in the action.

Now, can I ask a question now?

Because

I always thought applejacks were like Cheerios because it has apples in it.

I thought it was healthy.

No, it doesn't have apples in it.

It has cinnamon and sugar in it.

I don't know why they call them apple jacks.

I don't think it has anything to do with apples.

Oh, really?

Okay.

Because I was always like, nah, that's not cereal for me.

No.

No, Cheerios is the one that has no sugar and no other crap added, but it tastes dry and gross.

And that's the thing about Magic Spoon.

It's like lightly sugared, so it doesn't taste disgusting.

It tastes dry.

Because there was no sugar.

Here's their sugar.

Did I say no sugar?

I didn't say no sugar, did I?

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You couldn't have no sugar

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You got your variety pack.

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I might be wrong.

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It's high protein, has zero,

has no sugar.

I was wrong.

Zero grams of sugar, keto-friendly.

There you go, Tom.

You're on keto, you fat fuck.

Gluten-free, grain-free, soy-free.

And my favorite flavor is the fruity.

Yeah.

Is that like the version of the fish?

I think so, yeah.

That's got to be good.

i got my uh complimentary uh delivery of magic spoon

and um i thought it was delicious but every single person i gave it to because i can't eat all that cereal i i gave it out to people in my family they were like where do i get this cereal at they were on camera you know

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all right

have you ever gotten nervous like uh

when you're when like in law school when you were doing your pretend criminal stuff

sure yeah like the first the first few times you actually go into a court.

Because you got a bunch of like real people watching you, right?

Oh, yeah, something.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, for sure, you get nervous.

There's no doubt about it.

But after you do anything over and over and over again, it becomes more routine and it doesn't really affect you anymore.

Like, I was nervous when I came in here and sat down.

You know, I noticed.

Did you?

No.

No.

He plays it cool.

He does.

Yeah.

He does.

He's a cool guy.

Not a hair out of place.

I know your hair, man.

Jesus.

Thank you.

Joe DeRosa, another thing.

Pretend Italian.

I just found that out recently.

Egyptian, I think he is.

Egyptian, yeah.

Egyptian, yeah.

Doesn't have a nice head of hair like this, though.

Dude, I don't remember.

We can't release those Space Monkeys episodes without me listening to them.

I don't remember 80% of the shit

on the stage.

That last night, I don't fucking, I barely even remember getting on stage.

The last night, yeah, Q showed up like a half hour later.

Yeah, he got late.

I got a third late.

DeRosa was like, How are you going to be late for your own show?

I was like, dude, trust me.

I was like, this will play into everything perfectly.

Yeah, I was about 20 minutes late.

But yeah,

but what the fuck were you saying?

Oh, we were talking about that.

Yeah, so we did the show, and it eventually the last 15 minutes was basically descended into a drunk love fest with who was it?

It was me, you, Fatone, Jiggy,

and DeRosa.

Yeah.

All these guys who have met each other in the past and have known each other forever.

But it's just, I fucking love you, man.

I was like, the honest love it though.

I've been dying.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You were getting some zingers in.

It was good, as much as I recall.

You lived in Chicago for four years?

For

almost six, I think, years.

Yeah, how long is law school?

All over.

I lived in, when I first moved there, I lived near Greektown, then the Loop, then Lincoln Park, then River North.

I mean, I lived all over.

What was your bar?

What was like, when you go back to Chicago, you're like, I got to go back to this place.

Yeah.

The bar that I would always start my night at was this place called called jake's bar still there still as far as i know still there they allowed dogs which means there's no food it's the darkest bar in chicago that's what i always say and it's what is it called jake what jake's bar jake's bar and that would be in uh just north of lincoln park all right let me check this out

jake's pub

it was called jake's bar when i was there it maybe have changed to jake's pub i haven't been there in six or six or seven seen a lot of jake's pub okay all right so that's where you would start you know you and the you and the boys yeah That's it right there.

That's it.

Oh, shit.

Yeah.

Look at this guy.

Party in an Irish-type bar.

Chicago.

Yeah, used to play like, you know, like Lamb of God, then like Frank Sinatra, then like Jimi Hendrix.

So there was no rhyme or reason to it.

Oh, no.

When was the last time you were there?

It's like about six years ago.

Holy shit, bro.

You got to get back then, man.

I know.

Come on.

Maybe you could have like a tell me story meetup there.

I would love.

Yeah.

Love to.

Yeah.

And people like Ants could bring you their law problems.

Like you can sit in the bar and, like,

or drink, you know.

He's going to regret this self-hand.

Do you think that John has the, I think he's got the mojo to become the next Jimmy the Hair guy in TSD town.

Whoa.

Come on.

He could be, I wouldn't even say he's a Jimmy the Hair guy is a unique individual.

Will you get a tattoo?

Yeah, dude.

I've anticipated

Jimmy the Hair Herrigan.

The next guy's got a tattoo of you.

And on and on.

Shave my head.

Tattoo Jimmy the Herrigan.

I can,

I think he's going to be that when they do that TSD, the top 10 of the month, I think John the Lawyer is going to be number numero uno.

Oh, I don't know from that list.

From my experience, generally first appearances, even second appearances of people

do not go well from a person from like a reception standpoint.

Who would you say, as an example of in front of you the hair guy?

His first one didn't

get him.

Definitely was not beloved.

Well, he was holding us hostage.

Yeah, when he had us against the wall, fucking raised.

That's actually, this is part of my

but you're coming in with a lot.

Yeah, but he's too well put together to be a Jimmy the Hair guy.

The people, the reason people.

That's the weird vibe, though.

If he's crazy man, if he's a nutcase, you know, under this shell,

that's even nuttier.

TSP Tales hasn't seen something.

Guys, I'm not even a lawyer.

Tell him, Steve.