#584: Top 5! Top 5!

Fitzman Fitzman's on the Fitzman seventy-three.

You're a pussy, it doesn't even hurt.

Well, I don't see gender like that, Waltz.

You know, I just sit there jumping around in skippy outfits.

Men can jump around in skippy outfits.

Tell him, Steve, Dave.

Hello, and welcome to this week's edition of Tell him Steve Dave here with Waltz.

Yo.

And BQ.

It's a little too snowy for BQ to be here.

Well, it's not that.

I have a Wrangler.

I had a, you know, it's a busy time, busy time.

I don't know what we got to point me out like that.

I can handle the snow.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Roads are pretty clear.

Roads are pretty clear, man.

It was just, you know, it was a work day, and then I had a make-a-wish thing, and it just, the day got out of, and we leave for the cruise tomorrow.

So

I don't think

ever for any reason, if somebody's like, look, dude, you're dying.

And they're like, all right, I just want to talk to Brian Johnson.

Yeah,

I don't think that's ever going to happen.

I said

it's a real sad story.

It's a 17-year-old kid, and he's really sick.

And I said to him, because he had all four of us, Joe came on and we were talking, we were hanging with the kid.

And I said to him, I go, dude, you wasted your make-a-wish.

I go, you could have asked for anything.

And like, talking to us four knuckleheads is a waste of it.

I mentioned it to him, but he seemed happy.

He seemed happy.

Yeah, he was happy with his decision.

I guess, yeah.

Who doesn't love seeing my smiling face?

I do.

Yeah.

In fact, on my deathbed, that's probably going to, if I get a make-a-wish.

What's the cutoff age for make-a-wish?

I think 20.

20?

I don't know.

That's a good question.

Because at a certain point, they got to be like, look, this is for kids.

This isn't for adults.

You're expected to die as an adult.

You're 80 years old.

What are you going to get away for?

18.

You have to be under the age of 18, it says here.

Oh, all right.

All right.

Well, it's you get that email and you're like, you know, you got to do it.

You can't say no, you know?

I don't know.

Wasn't there somebody that said no?

I'm going off memory, which is faulty at times.

And I don't think she said no, but I had heard rumors that when J-Lo did a make-a-wish, she wasn't very kind to the person.

Really?

Yeah, to the little kid.

She was like, kind of like

her and her mom were like.

You don't think so?

It can't be true.

It's probably just somebody putting out fake news that wants to slander fake news about J-Lo.

Yeah.

Not my Jenny from the Block.

Your Jenny from the Block's making another movie with Ben.

I'm not sure if that's a great idea.

People have forgotten.

People aren't going to hold it.

I don't think so because the first thing I saw in all these articles was like, does he forget G Lee?

I never saw Gee Lee.

Did you guys ever end up seeing it?

I've never seen it.

No.

No.

No.

No.

I heard it was terrible.

And it didn't seem like the, like, regardless of who was in it, it didn't seem like the type of movie I'd watch anyway.

Do you think?

Well, the title.

Go ahead.

I was going to say the title alone is like off-putting.

I don't know what it means.

Right.

It just sounds gross.

I think it's somebody's name.

Do you think they have to go lighthearted comedy?

There's no way they could do like a a drawn out drama, right?

Like just some like really emotionally draining drama where like it takes like some really gut-wrenching acting.

Or do you think they have to go lighthearted?

I think lighthearted's the way to go for all entertainment these days.

Yeah.

Yeah, no doubt.

Really?

You don't like like to see some, you know, some gripping tension.

I think a lot of people love tension.

And,

you know, maybe

they make a horror movie then.

Yeah, I guess.

Horror movies are having a moment and stuff like that.

G Lee too, they totally go out of genre and just are like, we're going to make a torture porn.

It would be some balls if they made a sequel to that movie.

Yeah.

That would be huxpa.

Yeah.

I would go see it.

I would have to go see it.

I think people would be so like, like, just jaw-droppingly, like,

like you said, like the amount of balls to be like, yeah, we're doing it.

And you're going to come see it because you know you want to.

You know, you got it.

Because you can't believe we did it.

That's why we're working on Claymation 2.

Do you have like a counter that like you have to mention it every once in a while just to kick the hornet's nest a little bit?

It always comes up organically.

It's never inorganic.

Okay.

I like how you went to Back to the Future and came on and you were like, it was great.

I got to tell you, Walt, I saw Godzilla minus one and it's in the running for one of my favorite movies of last year.

It is fucking awesome.

Yeah, that's what they said.

A lot of the people who saw it said if they were trying to make a movie to try to garner Oscar nominations,

that would be the Godzilla movie if you were trying to make one Godzilla movie.

And I remember going in and I'm being like, what the fuck?

Are you kidding me?

How good can this be?

Like, it really put the bar up so high for me going in because I heard such great reviews.

And like I said, I do think there's some things that are lost in translation.

for American audiences that they just don't, some things just are like a little off.

You're just like, I don't get that.

But overall, though, I thought it was, like you said, it was pretty damn good.

And you're talking about a movie with subtitles, too.

So it really did.

I agree with you.

I think it translated well.

And the subtitles didn't.

I'm so used to subtitles at this point.

Like, I keep them on my TV all the time anyway.

Yeah, I think a lot of people do that.

And what?

What are you showing me there?

Just turn the mic towards you a little more.

Turn the mic towards me.

Okay.

Producer get him over there.

Oh, I don't.

Real sidebar for a second, Q, Giddam is not allowed on the pod anymore.

Not allowed.

No, no.

That's the wrong choice of words.

But

we're punishing the audience by not allowing him on mic anymore.

I've gotten so many nasty, disgusting, hateful messages about canceling Patreon if we don't

put a muzzle on him.

This is what you want.

This is what you're going to get.

And I'm going to wait.

And already,

already the outcry for people like, I want to hear more Giddem.

I want to hear more Giddam.

We could play these listeners like a fiddle.

Well, that also depends on how many emails Gidham has.

I assume at least 50.

But a lot of people were bitching and moaning some really nasty shit about how they're going to cancel.

They're not giving us any more money for the patron if we don't take his mic away on the regular show.

Threats.

Yeah.

Economic threats.

Yeah.

I mean, I mean,

what's it called?

Like product boycotts, you know, it works.

Yeah.

They got what they wanted.

Like, we'll show you.

All right.

Whatever you say.

But I was thinking, you know, I know we're having a sidebar here, but the sexy lawyer is coming up.

He's going to be coming down to appear on an episode and how about we do a little trial by fire ants with the sexy lawyer.

I don't know.

I assume he really likes Giddam.

I'm going to ask him to represent Giddam and make a case to the listeners as to why Giddam should be allowed back on Mike.

And somebody's got to play the

prosecuting attorney, though.

And I don't know who that should be.

It should be you or Bry.

I don't know if I can do it.

I don't know if I could get in there and really battle to keep him off.

I feel like that would be really test our daily relationship because we see each other.

But you and Bry, you see him like once a week, maybe once every 10 days.

You could really, you could take that on and probably, you know, like duck water off a duck's back.

You think the sting will be gone within a week if you really go after him?

Wow.

I don't know.

I like getting him on, so it's hard for me to take that step.

But look, I got to do what I got to do.

If you need me to

try and shut the guy down, I'll do it.

But it's not how I really feel.

Have you ever gone up against a real lawyer, though, like head to head?

That would be challenging.

That's the part that I want to do.

I would love to do that, but I don't think I can do it and go full.

balls out, you know, and really like bring to the table all the shitty stuff that I know that nobody else knows about getting people off flight.

That would really, really like, you know, poison the well big time.

Irrelevant, man, irrelevant.

Yeah, but you would have to act as a true like, you know, like these defense attorneys who, who, who defend these total pieces of shit, this garbage.

And they know, they know goddamn well they shouldn't, but they're like, hey, hey, we got to give him the

full benefit of the law.

Some of these lawyers out there, they will go to any lengths, no matter how disgusting or inhumane, to get their clients off.

Sure.

Or to or to condemn them.

It's weird.

I mean, I guess if you like, what's the, I guess there's a better question for sexy lawyer, but like, let's say I'm a lawyer, right?

The guy comes to me, he's like, I need you to defend me, but I did it.

I don't think you can say that.

You can't say that, right?

I think then he has the right to say no.

Right.

Then he can then turn you down.

Okay.

These are questions we'll ask the lawyer, though.

Right.

He'll know better.

Yeah.

Wow.

He'll know better than we do guessing.

All right.

But back to Godzilla, though.

I'm sorry.

I cut you off there.

Yeah, no, it's great.

I, there's not, you know, not too much more to say than what's been said, but like, it's, I just couldn't believe how.

And then I went in and started watching

like recent gods, like Shin Godzilla.

Yeah.

Did you see that one?

I did.

I didn't like it.

Yeah, it just like I've I was watching it for, I think I have 20 minutes left in it, but like, is the bit in Shin Godzilla that Godzilla is not a living creature?

Like, he just

doesn't show any expression.

He just slowly moves.

I mean, the baby part, when he was like a freak, like a baby going through the city was dope.

But then when he was fully mature, like, he didn't even move his head or he just moved in a straight line.

It was weird.

I thought maybe that was the limitations of a budget, maybe.

I mean, at a certain point in the movie doesn't he freeze for like 30 minutes he's frozen in the middle of the street and he doesn't move like freeze time yeah that that's i think it's when i shut it that's when i shut it off i was like is godzilla gonna do anything besides walk in a straight line but i remember a lot of people saying that that one was

too

yeah i don't i don't get that movie at all

no it does not compare to godzilla minus one and you guys didn't mind the happy i mean spoiler alert there's a happy ending but you guys didn't mind the happy ending because i felt like like it would have been

amazing.

My one note.

I'd like to go with the happy ending.

Yeah, I would agree with that.

That would be my one note as well.

Like, oh, come on.

Yeah.

It's okay, like,

there's already a happy ending.

You don't have to pile more happiness on top of it.

Yeah,

I got out of the theater.

I saw it at the Chinese theater in Los Angeles on their IMAX screen.

I was like one of two people in the theaters.

So I sat close, Walt, and it was like, oh, it was like Godzilla was coming after me.

It was dope.

But I texted my buddy Nick as soon as it it went up.

I said, it was fucking great.

One note was why the fuck did they have that happy ending?

Like, it's so out of nowhere.

It's unnecessary.

But did you guys notice it might not have been a happy ending?

Yes, yeah.

Yeah, they do a little tag in there.

Did you see the?

I don't know if you caught it, Briar Bryce looking a little bit.

Yeah, I'm bamboozled over.

I'm Flemix.

What did you get from that?

What did you see that made you go, oh, shit, it may not be a long happy ending?

It looks, you know, they left the the door open to a sequel is the best.

Oh, no, no, no.

I wasn't talking about that.

I was talking about that.

I believe that,

again, spoiler alert.

Wait, you just broke up.

You're breaking up.

You hear me now?

I got you now.

But I think

they were,

if you look at her skin, she had radiation burns and radiation poisoning.

So she probably was not going to be on this earth very, very long.

So it may be a short-lived reunion for the family.

Okay.

You don't think they'll mutate her?

No.

No.

Yeah.

Well, I mean, you know, I like the character, so I don't want to sit here and say, well, I hope she dies, but

it would have been a better, you know, better ending.

A lot of spoilers here.

It's been over a month, though.

Yeah.

You don't even know if it's in theaters anymore.

People make the argument that, like, if you don't watch something as it airs, then you have no right to talk about spoiler alerts.

So a month later, I feel like, is fair game, right?

Yeah, I'd never, you know, believed in the whole aspect of not spoiling something.

If you don't really don't want to know, then don't go on the internet or don't listen to a podcast.

Don't listen to that.

Right.

Like there are people out there that are talking about it.

I've watched plenty of shows, and I'll turn on a radio show the next day.

They're talking about it.

It's like, yeah,

that's where you take the personal responsibility to remove yourself from that until you watch it, if you care that much about spoilers and shit.

And these aren't even really that bad of spoilers.

The movie is fucking amazing.

It's great.

And they're re-releasing it in black and white.

You saw that?

I thought I saw that online today, but I haven't got confirmation that that happened.

Yeah, Godzilla minus one minus color, they're calling it.

I'm like, I'll go see it again.

Fuck it.

Yeah, it was great.

It was great.

But yeah, what a recommendation, Walt.

Home run.

It was fantastic.

I mean, really, like a great movie.

They just made a great movie that happens to have Godzilla in it.

It's wild.

Do you think also

you look at it like because they don't make a lot of great movies anymore?

So, when something comes out, like because you, whenever I walk into a movie theater or actually watch a TV show, unless it comes highly recommended, I go in there with almost no expectations.

Now, Godzilla was a little different because Waltz said it was great, so that's why I went to see it.

Yeah, but

walking into movies anymore, it's just like the bar is set so low that when something like this comes out, you're like, holy shit, they can make good movies, they just choose not to.

Yeah, I go into most entertainment with a sense of like, like, let's see what by the committee fucking shit they made now.

Right.

You know, from the from the casting to the story to the everything is just like,

it's just, everything feels like just cookie cutter, get it out, get it out.

But whatever, you know, whatever.

I mean, look, I've been making the same fucking show for 14 years, so who am I to talk?

You know?

And do you think, like I said, like you've seen the commercial now probably for the new Godzilla with Kong, Kong Godzilla X, I think it's called.

Do you think they're a little worried now, seeing how the response and how it resonated with people?

And they look at the tone of Godzilla minus one,

and they know what they've got coming out, what they're going to be trying to sell to the American public.

And they're just like, we may have to go back for reshoots.

Right.

It may be too fucking corny.

And we need to make it a little more sad.

I mean, if I was them, I would feel that way.

I'd be like, oh, shit, we just got shown up.

But a lot of American audiences love those fucking Godzilla movies that they're making here.

I know a lot of people that like them, so who knows?

But if I was them, I'd be like, God damn it, we look like hacks now.

Who gave Kong a bionic arm?

Yeah.

Who fucking who did that?

Like, I want his office fucking cleared now.

Yeah.

I know.

Maybe that should be the fucking J-Lo

Ben Affleck movie.

Like, you know, like they make an American version of Godzilla Minus one, make it good, make it like,

yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure those two egos can handle playing fucking third fiddle to Godzilla.

I mean, he did Batman, he played, you know, I don't know.

Yeah, he's still Batman, though.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

You're right.

Yeah, there's a difference between being the titular character and second banana to a lizard.

I guess I would love it.

Let me tell you boys real fast about Blue Chew because this episode is sponsored by it.

Guys, remember the days when you're always ready to go?

You can now increase your performance and get that extra confidence in bed.

So listen up.

It's Blue Chew.com.

Blue Chew is...

Oh, shit.

I just lost it.

Hold on.

Hold on, everybody.

There you go.

No, I lost the copy.

Blue Chew is a unique online service that delivers the same active ingredients as Viagra, Cialis, and Lovitra, but in chewable tablets and at a fraction of the cost.

You can take them anytime, day or night, so plan ahead and be ready whenever an opportunity arises.

The process is very simple.

Sign up at Blue Chew, consult with a licensed medical provider, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days.

And the best part is it's all done online.

You don't have to go to the doctor's office, no awkward conversations, no waiting in line at the pharmacy.

I don't even care about the conversations.

I care about having to leave the house and go out in public and then fucking go to a doctor.

It's such a time-consuming process, and you can just do this from home, you know.

And at the end of all that travel, you're just sitting there talking to a doctor, telling them you got a limp noodle It's like that's not a car ride anybody wants to take no No you ride home in shame.

Yeah, you know

the the receptionist knows everything

She sees you walking in.

She's like I know what you're here for

limp noodle motherfucker.

Yeah, who needs that

They're made expressive bring a buddy with you and you both go in and then she doesn't know which one of you guys is the real patient then oh, that is.

She goes, Look at these two gay limp dicks.

Need somebody to hold his hand.

I've got anxiety.

Can my friend come in with me?

Oh, no, you don't say that.

I was going to say, intentional, no.

You got it.

Yeah, hold on.

You got to play this up, right?

But if you're like, you know, we're both going to go in because, you know,

there were some anxiety issues.

And then you leave it at that.

I think that's why Blue Chew was like, let's make it easier.

That's why.

You don't have to do that.

We don't need the buddy system.

Blue Chew wants to help you have better sex.

Discover your options at Blue Chew.com.

Chew it and do it.

And there's a special deal for listeners.

Try Blue Chew free.

When you use the promo code TESD to checkout, just pay $5 shipping.

That's BlueChew.com, promo code T-E-S-D, to receive your first month free.

Visit BlueChew.com for more details and important safety information.

And we thank Blue Chew for sponsoring the podcast.

Now, there was a word used at the beginning of that ad copy performance right should

should that word like be stricken when talking about sex because who really wants to be think it's a performance isn't it like more like an act of emotions and well i do a whole song and dance right beforehand it's a performance yeah but like yeah performances puts i think too much pressure on

you know it gives on the guy yeah well and any well i mean i'm sure anyone involved,

if you're going to go under the assumption that this is a performance,

this is off-Broadway.

This is

just human nature.

This is love making.

This is just human nature.

It really should not be, I think, judged upon a performance level.

Somebody's performing poorly.

This is bullshit.

I had like a mini, a little mini curtain stage made up

in front of me, and the curtains part every time the show starts.

Peeks out the curtain, looks around, makes sure the audience is ready.

No, I don't know.

I think you got to put a little, you got to put a little

gravitas since you're into it, you don't think?

You think it's just emotion?

Well, unless you're with, I mean, if you're with somebody that you care about, but let's say it's casual or a prostitute or something like that, then you're not.

Yeah, I would say.

Well, if it's a professional, I'm paying them to do the work.

That's different.

They should be worried about their performance, right?

Yeah, they're the one earning tax-free money here.

Like, you know,

but I think if you're, if you, you know, if you're, you want to do it with someone that's not a paid professional, yeah, you, I think you want to put in a little a little elbow grease, no?

Well, probably if you want to do it more than once.

Yeah, for sure.

You got to put on a performance for sure, right?

Yeah, I think so.

I think the word performance, though, just

for those with anxiety issues, they don't want to have to

have that kind of pressure on to have like that this is going to be

you're going to be judged where it's going to be there's going to be a review you know like you know like a column in the paper the next day about your performance that the night prior it's well that's why you beat them to the punch and you're just like that was terrible like right afterwards like you're gonna have to up your performance for me next time

there is um

q i don't know if you're aware of of this, Walt.

I'm not sure if you are either, but an aunt has broke bad, allegedly.

I'm not going to give his name,

but there is an aunt who's been around for a long time.

I'll tell you later on, who is alleged to have stolen a car and fled the country.

Whoa.

Fitzman?

Fitzman's on the list.

Fitzman 73.

Whatever happened to Fitzman?

I don't know.

Fitzman.

Whatever happened to Fitzman?

There's no way he still listens, right?

Because he was.

He was in Cabo right now.

He was active on Twitter.

Well, no, he went the other way.

He went north.

Oh, he went to Canada.

Yeah, he went to Canada.

Oh.

This is from.

Really?

Because, you know what?

When I think fleeing the country, I don't know why.

I automatically assume you're going south of the border.

Well, I think it's probably a safer bet.

Like, you can get into Mexico a lot easier than you can Canada.

Oh, let me tell you.

Right, yeah.

Or

in or out for you.

It depends.

Yeah, see, that's where you should be going to see your football games.

Go down to Mexico.

They're not going to fucking question you.

It's a different type of football.

Yeah, it's true, too.

I've had soccer.

I don't know what that little chuckle was.

I was like sinister.

But

this is another listener, Sabrina.

My dad's vehicle was stolen from our home this morning, the morning of Tuesday, January 16th.

The only person with access to the keys at the time was beep.

He was originally from El Paso, Texas, but was living in Ontario at the time.

This vehicle is suspected to be anywhere from Collingswood, the Toronto area.

Collingswood?

No, I know, right?

What?

Making hay!

Part four?

Giddam's on the case.

Grand Theft Hay.

Let's do it.

And driven across the border to El Paso, and border agents are actively looking for the vehicle and for the arrest, but you can use all the help you get.

And it's a 2010 Ford fusion.

It was last seen

in Canada.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

This is really, yeah, we don't know if it was definitely this guy.

That's why I didn't say his name.

I know, but like, even if it wasn't.

Well, also,

even if it is the guy, he's an ant.

Shouldn't we be helping him?

Like, we're broadcasting.

He might need help.

He's, I mean, he's on the run, evidently.

The guy's down south with Senoritas and Tequila.

And we're fucking blowing up his spot, man.

We're kind of because he took somebody else's car to do it.

Hey, man.

Again, allegedly.

Allegedly.

Allegedly.

But either way,

he's our car thief.

Right.

Does she listen to the podcast?

Yeah, she does.

Oh, okay.

Conundrum.

I know.

Yeah.

Conundrum, Q.

Don't know what to do now.

It's a little practice for when you meet up against Sexy Lawyer here.

Okay, so now you're representing the alleged car thief.

I don't know if I want to yet.

Are either of them on Patreon?

I don't think so.

Huh, okay.

I don't believe so.

But I can't say for sure, but I would say I don't think so.

Right, so if the person who had the car stolen is willing to pony pony up $5 for a month's membership, then you're on board to...

Do you know how many eyes we could have out there?

Just sign up for $5 a month and we'll mobilize the forces.

Everybody will be on the lookout for that car.

He still got the car, though?

I'm sure he just ditched a car by now.

It would be dumb not to, especially to try to bring it back across the border.

A stolen car, that would not be a great idea.

Yeah, but if he has a stolen car in Mexico, they're not going to give a shit.

Right?

That's true.

Well, that's if he crosses that border.

He still has to get out of Canada first.

And as Walt told us last week, that's not the easiest thing to do.

Have you ever stolen a car, Q?

No.

No.

No, no.

What's the most expensive thing you ever stole?

Oh, God.

I don't know.

Not much.

I never was really much excited.

Except that lady's heart he was catfishing.

Yeah, 13 grand?

I don't know if I ever told this story, but I was driving around summer after I graduated, graduated, and a couple of friends picked me up and they drove.

They were just, I thought they were just going on a joyride.

I didn't know they had a real agenda where they were going.

And

they

go up to this guy's apartment, and

you know, I have no idea what's going on.

And all of a sudden, they're like, quick, quick, grab.

And they throw me a surfboard.

There's three surfboards out on the patio.

And they threw me a surfboard and I took off running with it to the car.

And

all three of us had surfboards that we had taken from some guy down in South Jersey down Point Pleasant or something and I turns out the surfboards were like $600 a pop.

Oh

what'd you do?

I kept mine under my bed for the longest time because I didn't know what to do with it.

And the guys were like, you got to use a $600 surfboard asshole.

And they're like, you know, like they knew about surfing.

I had no idea.

I was going to say, it must have looked so unnatural.

You like, let's hang 10 with the surfboard under your arm.

I I was gonna say, I don't know if I've ever seen you in water.

So, I finally wound up selling it for 50 bucks.

Oh,

yeah, I sold her for 50 bucks just to get it out of my house just in case shit went south.

I was like,

it was like the what's that, the telltale heart?

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, everywhere I went in the ocean, everybody,

yeah,

everywhere I went, I was just like, and then look at that.

I wouldn't, I took a sip, I was at McDonald's, I took my garbage with me, so there was no like,

yeah, but I sold her for 50 bucks.

Can you imagine living that life?

Because I've seen, you know, I watch a ton of those shows, the

murder porn type shows.

And there are guys where they're like, yeah, we know he did it.

We just don't have his DNA.

And they'll follow him for months and months on end.

And some of these people are so careful about like

they go to the mall, they get a milkshake, they take the cup with them and destroy it or whatever.

They must have to do with personal garbage at home.

They must have to burn it then, right?

There's no other way.

They can't just throw it out to the curb.

No.

There's no other way than burning it or taking it with you somewhere.

And even then, like, eyes are always on you.

What's that like to live under that kind of scrutiny all the time?

Hey, yeah, yeah, I bet you you could guess.

I don't know.

Maybe you even know.

One of the guys I stole the surfboards with may be in jail right now.

Surprise, surprise.

Right.

Let's say if you're.

If you're if you're far, the opposite of far is what?

Near.

Well, another word for for near oh okay i know who you're talking about yeah i know and another guy uh was um one of the big kiss fans in highlands okay all right i know exactly who you're talking about the the the first guy yes i remember him stealing a volkswagen i remember him stealing other stuff that were like that was more than surfboards yeah so but yeah those are the two guys that you know that hooked me into at uh that one night where i became a thief and i'm sure you're just like what

oh

i guess so yes i'll do it it was was peer pressure.

I was still drinking beers, too, at that point.

Wow.

Is that why?

Yeah.

Maybe you had a beer?

Yeah.

And you were, I had a half a beer, and I was fucking ready to

surf up, boys.

I started controlling the gang.

I'm like,

we're going to rob a bank next, motherfuckers.

Moving on up from surfboards.

Suddenly, you're in point break.

I don't know if I've ever stolen anything of value.

I mean, aside from money from, you know, places I've worked in the past.

I guess it would be theft by deception if, like, say I worked at Sears and somebody comes in and they're like, hey,

I want to buy a couch for $500.

And I'm like, well, I can give it to you for

$400, but then I kick $50 back to myself.

That's stealing.

That's stealing, right?

Yeah, it sounds like stealing.

I did that a couple times.

I've definitely stole shit.

I just, on the spot, I can't remember.

I stopped.

There was an employee of ViewSkew years ago when we started doing the cons

and getting cash for all the t-shirts and stuff that

wanted to siphon some money off from

the till.

He still manages the stash.

You shouldn't say that.

Oh, wait a minute.

Wait a second.

Do we have to cut this out, though?

Because is the statute of limitations over?

86 to 2023?

I don't know.

38 years,

probably.

I'm okay.

The owner's probably deceased.

You could pass it on to their heirs, maybe the 50 bucks you.

You definitely will.

Nobody could really hold me accountable anymore, right?

I don't think so.

I think they'd be like, I had a surfboard?

There's a question for Sexy Lawyer.

Maybe when we get him in there, we'll ask him.

Yeah, that's a good.

That's a, what's the statue of limitations on that?

On surfboards.

Theft of surfboards.

Three surfboards is rough because that guy really loves surfing.

And it was rough

getting him into a Volkswagen.

Yeah.

And I remember like, which may or may not have been stolen too.

No, nothing was stolen, but I remember throwing mine because I was so scared.

I threw mine into the Volkswagen.

Right.

And one of the guys was like fucking screaming at me like red faced.

He goes, that's a fucking $600 surfboard, asshole.

No concern for the car, just for the surfboard.

Yeah, like, I guess if you put a debt in a surfboard, I guess it was only fiberglass.

I don't know what they're made out of now.

But yeah, he was fucking livid that I threw the surfboard into the car because he thought I was going to dent the surfboard.

Or maybe he thought he was going to get to keep buying.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know.

What he was assumption.

Yeah, we're going to fucking go a little

jets versus sharks for that surfboard.

When you're a

jet on the way,

your wrists are tied together, Michael Jackson style.

You're like, we're having a knife fight and shit.

I thought we were just taking surfboards, you guys.

I didn't know.

Neither of them.

He said, you're settling on the streets.

This is for denting that surfboard.

That isn't mine.

Yeah, like, why would he care if you were keeping yours anyway?

The only reason would be, he's like, I'm getting all these surfboards.

Yeah, I guess he thought maybe I would have no use for a surfboard, but I was like, I'm keeping mine.

See what I can get for it.

Yeah, really?

Always had that mentality, huh?

Let me keep this and see if I could sell it.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

Flipped it for comics, Q.

Hey,

valuable to me.

I like it.

I'd rather have comics than a surfboard.

You know?

Hey, have you guys

these nasty emails that came in

about Gedam.

Multiple.

Has he seen them?

I will not show him.

Okay, okay.

Because I was wondering how he felt.

Was his feelings hurt?

Was he

did he express any of this to you?

He's looking at you right now.

No, I see him.

I see him, but

the listeners can't.

He looks like he's crying.

But did he, so he doesn't know.

How does he feel about being left off the show?

At this point right now, I feel like he's fine.

Yeah.

You know,

he gets to be on some of the Patreon shows to make up for it.

But

I'm telling you, within a month, people will be screaming.

There'll be protests in the airport plaza for getting him to be back on TSD, the regular TSD.

I mean, I got to say, like, he shouldn't feel that bad because there are people who don't want me on the show.

It's like,

you know, it's a safe personal preference.

I would love it if somebody actually made a sign and walked around outside Airport Plaza.

Oh, it's going to happen now.

That you password.

I was watching, you know, in order to prepare for this upcoming cruise queue.

Yes.

This IJ cruise, I've been

brushing up a little on some of the...

personalities that will be there.

So, of course,

Steve-O from Jackass will be there.

Yep.

And I noticed that on the last Jackass, they all have tasers and they walk around tasering each other.

Yeah.

Is that the kind of frivolity and

fun that you could find on an IJ set?

Like, what if Sal tasered you one day just for the hell of it?

No, that does not occur.

Nothing even close, huh?

No, I think people would be surprised at the business-like nature

behind the camera.

Yeah.

There's not a lot lot of hijinks.

It's just a lot of

work.

Yeah.

You know, yeah, I don't.

There's never been anything like that.

I mean, Gatto used to fuck around a little sometimes with us here and there.

Like, if you left your food undetected, he would gobble it down real fast.

He did that a lot.

He had rules, Gatto.

If you told him, don't eat this, he wouldn't eat it.

If you left your computer open, he would send emails from your email.

But if you told him not to, he just, so there was some of it, but it wasn't that often.

And, and, uh, I certainly never, uh,

those type of hijinks aren't for me.

I, I never want to feel a taser in my life, or, or the fear of like, I might be tasered at any moment.

Like, it's one thing if it's like, hey, you know, you're doing training, so they're going to taser you, so you know what it feels like when you taser somebody else.

But it's like if you're just sitting there eating lunch and then all of a sudden, somebody comes up and just nails you under the armpit with a taser, and you fucking go jolting out of your chair.

I'd be so angry.

I'd be so fucking pissed.

I'd be like, come on, man.

Am I going to have a heart attack from this?

I'd be so worried.

I would just be like, I don't want to deal with this.

It's a different breed of guy, those dudes.

Almost like they don't feel pain.

Or they're just on so many painkillers that it's like they don't even feel it.

I don't know.

I don't know.

It's nuts.

Could you

taser and get them every once in a while?

There was a kid I grew up with that couldn't feel pain.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Artie.

Oh, Artie Denes?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

Dude, you would like try to rip his hair out.

Yeah, people would

go after him and do shit to him, and he would laugh about it.

They'd be really like, like, take him and drag him around by his hair.

He had this crazy afro.

He was a white guy, but he had an afro.

And they would drag him around, and he would just be giggling, laughing like a hyena.

Like a giggler.

it didn't hurt him he he'd never i mean there'd be clumps of hair on in the on the park because we did this at the at huddy park the our our little corner park and people would drag him around by his hair they would punch him they'd bust light bulbs over his head oh my god he would bust like like what's fluorescent tubes a cutting board he broke a cutting board over his head it took him like 15 tries and uh he did it and he laughed about it he could not feel pain did he feel other things it just pain didn't register, or he had no feeling, like emotional?

No, no, like could he feel the breeze on his skin?

Oh,

like jerking off?

Could the guy jerk off, or was it just pain that it's like?

Well, I remember one time he came up to me in the middle of an ice storm.

I was walking to the corner delicatestine in the middle of an ice storm at like 2 a.m.

For what, I don't remember why I even tried to attempt it, but he was out there and he ran up to me and he was laughing like crazy because

he had gotten some girls to give him head

and they refused to and immediately and as soon as on the first lick, they refused to.

And he thought this was hysterical because his cock smelled so bad.

He was running around telling anybody, and it was only me in an ice storm at 2 a.m.

on Friday evening in 1987.

He was so tickled by that.

I believe he's still telling that story to this day around Thanksgiving dinners.

The better story is that two chicks blew you.

Not that they

like

that's the story, man.

Oh, that's so repulsive.

And he had a maniacal laugh.

Yeah,

he was definitely like built different.

Where is he today?

I heard he has a mechanic.

Yeah, I remember his dad was a mechanic and he became a mechanic.

He has a garage somewhere in Texas or Arizona or something like that.

Oh, wow.

You can't get him on the show.

I don't think it would be impossible.

Because I think he's on Facebook, yeah.

I don't have a lot of stories, though, other than that one, though.

I remember people beating the shit out of him at Cub Scouts.

He would laugh.

Yeah, he would laugh.

He lived right next to.

Danny Rin's mom was the Scout Master lady, the

Denmother, they called her.

And he lived right next to her, and he was in Cub Scouts.

And when he came over, it was just like, it was, it was like nothing you've ever seen, just a free-for-all.

Like, there's no fucking way I would allow these people in my house, these kids.

They're tearing the whole place apart.

They're beating the shit out of each other.

And they would just pile on top of him and he'd be screaming.

He'd feign crying.

He'd feign cry, like, till they'd stop.

And as soon as they stopped, he'd fucking, his eyes would dry up and he'd start laughing in their faces like the fucking devil himself.

Like, you're a pussy.

It doesn't even hurt.

And then they would, and then they would, he would antagonize the whole crowd, so they would jump on him again and start pummeling him again.

Like to the point they were so angry they couldn't hurt him, like it was getting dangerously close to like concussion.

Oh, man.

Yeah.

It was really, it was a different time in the 80s.

Sure.

We passed our time different.

Yeah.

We're not searching websites and looking at TikTok.

Yeah.

Yeah.

All would be on TikTok these days.

Yeah, it would be good.

I never partook in such a, I never pummeled him.

I just stood from afar and marveled at his like, how do you, how do you take this?

Yeah, I never wanted to be in the mix either.

Like, with Cub Scouts, I remember many times, like, just like, it's like in cartoons where you see dogs and like a ball just turning over, and it's like a cloud of dust almost.

And you see stars flying.

Yeah, exactly.

I just, I was just, I mean, I wasn't going to get in the middle of it and try to stop it.

I wasn't that, you know, like me.

Maybe he feels pain.

But I only because I was like, I don't want the direction pointed towards me.

Right, exactly.

Because I can feel pain.

I might be overly sensitive to pain, actually.

Let's see.

Am I the only one that finds the idea of new year, new me, stressful?

Do you find it stressful, Walt?

New Year's?

Or do you not put any pressure on yourself because you don't have any resolutions?

My stresses don't come from the turning of a calendar page.

My anxieties come from different areas.

Whether it's December 31st or January 1st, it's all the the same.

It's all the same.

All the same.

But it is miserable having all that stress.

And this year, try something different.

New year, same you, because of expectations, because OF expectations.

Ooh,

Myundi's starting to cuss.

This is a Miundi spot?

This is a Miundi spot, yeah.

Myundis wants you to feel empowered.

I thought this was going to be for some sort of like mental health assistance.

No, it appears that Miundis can, you know, skip the psychiatrist, skip the gym, get some new Miundis is what I say.

They want you to feel empowered whether you love the gym or love laying on the ground.

Their movement collection is soft and moisture-wicking, ready to support your movements, big and small.

Ew.

And if you want a lounge, you'll love their buttery soft undies loungewear and PJs.

I have many, many, many pairs of Miundis.

Very soft, very moisture-wicking.

I find.

Have they given up on the micro-modal fabric?

They don't really tout that anymore.

They don't really tout it, and I'm not seeing it in this copy either.

I think enough people were either mispronouncing micro-modal, because I didn't know how to pronounce it.

I still don't.

Maybe it's a banned substance now.

Oh, you think it's on a list?

Do not allow it to the country.

My underwear is contraband.

Really?

So I have a bunch of Myundis that are like old school, almost like they're made out of asbestos.

I don't give a fuck.

I love them.

I'm still going to wear them.

From all black classics to fun expressive prints, Myundis has has a look for everyone.

Plus, they come in sizes extra small to 4XL, guaranteeing a flattering cut for everybody.

And Miundi's isn't just about underwear.

Explore the lounge collection featuring comfy joggers, hoodies, onesies, and more.

And their Move Me Activewear collection is the softest activewear on the market.

Unmatched comfort, responsibly sourced.

They don't say anything about Micro Modell, but they do use sustainably sourced materials and work with partners that care for their workers.

And the problem-free philosophy, which is sweet.

Every company should have this.

Oh, so Micro-Modal was fucking produced in a a sweatshop.

I don't know.

I'm not going to go ahead and say that.

I'm going to say probably not.

I don't know where it comes from.

I thought it came from a tree, to tell you the truth.

I thought it was like some kind of.

Someone's got to

get it from the tree and turn it into these softer-than-somebody has to climb that tree and get the nuts or leaves or whatever the fuck they make micromodel from.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

But they weren't.

Someone was whipped to do it.

Yeah, somebody felt the sting of the lash.

You guys are saying that during the commercial,

they make their underwear out of nuts that are sourced by slave labor.

No, they used to.

Mine anymore.

Yeah.

Oh, okay.

Mr.

Miundi's found out.

What a bunch of pussies.

Oh, my God.

Best usage of the word woke I've ever heard.

That was great.

Not happy with your first pair of undies?

Then it's on them.

So to kick off the new year, comfier than ever and get 20% off your first order, plus free shipping at meundis.com slash T-E-S-D.

That's meundis.com slash T-E-S-D for 20% off.

Plus, free shipping.

Miundis, comfort from the outside in.

Myundi's, now flame retardant.

Yeah,

yeah,

zero slave labor involved.

Several burn victims later, they figured out that micro modal is extremely flammable

if you rubbed your legs together too fast.

You might have taken a chance of fucking going up in flames.

Just an old Boy Scout trick: rubbing your Miundis together real fast.

Oh, Jesus.

I saw that Sports Illustrated.

Did you see this?

No.

They're going to stop publishing Sports Illustrated?

They laid off every staff writer.

Not a shocker.

No.

Who's buying magazines in this day and age?

But more than ever, you go to Barnes ⁇ Noble, I am stunned at how many magazines and the shit that they're about.

Like the magazines are about just still, yeah, like real niche stuff

that I'm sure.

probably it's probably the only real market that magazines have because magazines the out the info in a sports magazine is outdated

immediately yeah immediately so but if you're in a niche where things like move slow and stuff like that like i guess those magazines still still work for that right like airplane building model airplane building that technology isn't fucking flying by you and you know you can you could probably open a magazine from the 50s and it's the same shit what was that bubble that just popped up behind your head?

Did you see that bubble?

No, it was like a fake.

It was a fucking bubble.

It looked like a...

Like a rod?

Yeah, it was like some sort of like...

Wow, it was weird.

Okay.

Look how cute.

An apparition looked like fucking Slimer.

I don't know.

What was I doing that?

Yeah, I don't know.

It was like a bubble, like a ghost.

All right, fuck it.

All right, go ahead.

I'm sorry.

Magazine.

No, no.

Oh, you were talking about magazines being niche.

The only place they work for is that kind of stuff.

I I think so, but I'd love a good man.

I'd be sad.

I'd be sad if they all went away magazines.

Like, there's something to it, you know?

Yeah, like holding your head.

I have digital magazines, but it's just not the same.

Yeah, I had it.

Recently, I let it last, but I had a subscription to Fangoria.

And I enjoyed it because I had one when I was a kid.

And when they brought it back, I supported it and I got it.

And I liked getting it every week.

And you got me a subscription to Trains.

The Train magazine, yeah.

Yeah, and they come and I like it.

It's a nice thing.

You flip through, you read the articles, you put a little X on the page, or like fold over on the page when you know you left it.

I kind of.

Are we talking about model trains or like or real big

freight trains, like old school 1800s?

I have no idea you're into trains.

Clang, clang, baby.

That's it, man.

I'm from a train family.

What's your favorite

classic caboose?

Yeah.

Oh, I like the

Sh-Lo.

Yeah, I would love.

You could buy cabooses for like

it's a lot, but also not a lot.

You know what I mean?

Not for cute.

People have them.

You do it, though.

You turn it into like a backyard guest house.

Yeah, they put it on tracks.

They set down a length of track and they put the ties and they crane it in and then they insulate it and turn it into a backyard guest house.

Caboose, man.

That would be so dope.

I think I don't have the room on my property.

All the room I have is going for the fucking jet ski that we're getting.

But yeah, I like trains.

You know, my dad drove subways, and both my brothers worked for trains, and my grandfather had a model train set when I was a kid.

We're a big

train family over here, the Queens.

That's very middle America.

That's like roots of like,

you know, like, not a lot of people find interest in the trains anymore.

So that's, that's admirable.

Yeah, I think they're missing out.

I think trains are cooler than people.

You know, everybody with their

apps, Walt, and

their VR, I think people need to get off and just jump on it, get on a train.

You know what I'm saying?

Reconnect.

Reconnect with the world.

I think like cars, like automobiles, they're just not as visually interesting anymore as they used to be.

Like if I've been watching

Hell on Wheels on your recommendation, where the whole idea is that they're building the Pennsylvania Railroad or the

Transatlantic Railroad and The trains look amazing like they're just so huge and like at the time which is like the middle 1800s you're like how the fuck did they make this shit yeah how did they make like how did they produce all these parts to like these giant iron parts to make these trains There's this

train museum in Pennsylvania that I went to with my brothers, and they have all these, like not just from the 1800s, all the way up through the 60s.

These

I don't think people realize how big these things are until you're standing there.

It's like standing next to a fucking dinosaur or a whale.

They're enormous.

And you're right.

There's so many moving parts, and none of them are plastic.

They're all fucking metal if they made it back then.

You know what I mean?

Yeah.

And it's just, it's like steampunk, the coolest thing you'll ever fucking see.

Yeah.

You are not into trains, I'm assuming, Wolf.

No, I've never really been into trains, but I could admire like a beautiful, exquisite, massive

mod a miniature model train set, you know, and it's like set up and you see the the town around it and the little cities or the little towns and the and the light the light posts are lit up.

You know, I I've seen some like like jaw-droppingly beautiful miniature train setups that,

you know, I'd be like, I'd like to do that.

I'd like to do that, but you know, I don't have the patience or or the room to do something proper.

You could put one in your garage, I bet.

No, this is my garage.

Oh, no.

And I'll get that.

There was a question that Bry threw out.

And I hope the listeners

realize what just transpired.

Brian threw out a question about how did they make those train parts?

And we would have gotten the answer if Diggy was on mic.

Uh-huh.

And now we don't have the answer.

And now we have to go carry out with the episode with that without having an answer and it's very unfulfilling i think

yeah get them could you write it down on paper and slide it across the wall

print out some wikipedia pages

yeah

uh no i love i i it's like i would love to take a train ride across the united states i think it would be great i've did it but you did it and you did not enjoy it right no it got a little cuckoo like a little like stir crazy after a while well you also said it was freezing right like they didn't have enough blankets for everybody no that was you know that was uh not in a sleeper car that was a that was a different time on a train that was only over 24 hour period yeah but i mean you do see the landscape change now it's pretty cool but you just wish it would change quicker you know you just wish it would go quicker

did you have like a private cabin and stuff like that yes wow it just sounds like such a peaceful way to to go about business it is and i was by myself the entire time for five straight days on a train and by the end i was absolutely bonkers

Oh, wow.

Yeah, that last day, a tree had fallen onto the tracks.

We were supposed to arrive home in like three hours.

And when they announced in the train that there was a tree that had to be removed, that somebody was going to come out to have to remove it.

And it might take seven hours for them to get out there, remove it, and get the train back.

I was ready to just like

slice my wrists and be like,

just grab your stick and bindle and walk along the train tracks.

Just like, forget it.

It was so disheartening and so like disappointing to hear like we weren't going to get home at the time we thought we were getting home would be another five to six hours

yeah

that was it was that the same trip though that was the one from la yeah uh the one where the guy kept trying to get you to switch compartments yeah yeah

why i've never found out why like i get like they were harassing me the moment i got onto the train or like some some other passenger wants this this this car where like the the cabin i had which was so tiny And I had just gotten all my stuff out, and I was nervous to be on the train anyway, all by myself, going across country on a train.

And I told the person, I was like, sure, I don't care if I have to move.

And then I'm getting all my packing up all my stuff.

And I'm like, you know what?

He probably wants to move because his cabin sucks.

My cabinet, of course.

I checked my little shower at work.

I was like, you know what?

When she comes back, I'm going to tell her I changed my mind.

So when I came back, she came back.

I was like, all right, we're going to bring you to your new cabin.

I was like, you know, I think I'm going to stay at this one.

She's like, are you sure?

And she was like,

very like leery of me saying this.

And she like, she was trying to convince me to like, oh, it'll be okay.

I was like, no, I'm going to stay here.

And she came back again and she was like, are you sure?

And I was like, yeah.

And then, like, two days later, the same person on the train, the lady, the like, what do you call those guys that were these ladies or

conductor?

I guess, right?

They had the little hackers on.

Yeah, conductors.

The porter, maybe.

She came over to me and she was like, I'm glad that you wound up staying in this cabin because that dude was so weird.

He was giving everybody the

heebie-jeebies.

He was

adamant.

He was furious when he couldn't get into this

car.

Why didn't he come by with a fucking $50 bill or something and be like, yo, bro, let's swap this out?

None of that ever happened.

I never found out why, but it was weird that

he was jonesing for the sleeper I had.

Well, I'll tell you, like,

when I go to hotels like this Sunset Marquee in L.A., which I fucking love, I was just there, like, there is a specific room.

When I book it, I'm always like, if I can get that room, I would appreciate it.

Because so, I mean, if I don't get it, I'm not like, what the fuck, man?

Get the person out.

But there is something to, like, you know, maybe he took that ride before and that was his cabin.

He's like, I just loved it.

I want to do it.

It's very possible.

Yeah, I never did find out, but

I think two days on a train is the perfect amount of time.

Any more than that, you're really pushing it in terms of like,

and especially an era before the internet.

So, like, I had I only had a handheld family feud game to keep me company.

You didn't bring any trades or nothing like that to reach out?

I brought some comics too, but

yeah, the old family feud, I fucking pwned that game by the time I got back to Jersey.

I knew every answer.

And then some

something romantic about a train, man.

I don't know.

I just like it.

I think the idea of going cross-country on a train is romantic, but the reality of it probably is not as much.

Because, like you said, there will be, like, you know, you're going to like, well, you can't even drive across Texas without being like, holy fuck.

Yeah.

Like, this is going to take two days.

So, in a train where it's like, I don't like that the stopping and starting is at their behest.

Like, you know, just when you get going, it's like time to slow down, pick more people up.

And at points, too, on the train, like, it goes so slow.

Like, you could literally lap the train if you got out.

And then there's other times in the middle of the night where you're like, holy fuck, we're going to fly off these tracks.

It's going so fast.

It is going so fast, it's like almost a suicide run, it feels like.

Yeah.

What do you think that speed is that they were doing?

From the look of it,

how when I looked at it during the day when it's going so slow, if it was going about 10 miles an hour in the daytime, it had to be going 100 miles an hour at night.

Wow.

Really?

I think so.

That's isn't that like a bullet train?

I was on a bullet train, bitch.

Oh, all right.

That's the only way I travel.

I have no idea.

It may have been only been going 50, and I was like,

Yeah,

I knuckled it the whole way home for five straight days.

If only we had someone that knew these facts for somebody who was around

to tell us how fast trained go.

I had something I wanted to bring up that I thought was hysterical.

It's the playoffs in the NFL right now.

And there was a story that broke today that just, I really want to get your guys' opinions.

The Green Bay Packers spanked the Cowboys over the weekend.

And

an article came out today that

the Cowboy cheerleaders

were emotionally

abused and verbally abused by the players of the of the opposing team, the Packers, to the point of tears.

They were ridiculing them and saying things to them, the players, and it's not illegal to do that, but it is illegal to do it to an opposing player.

So they took it out on the cheerleader?

They took it out of the cheerleader.

The Dallas Cowboy cheerleader.

And that's iconic, right?

This isn't the Cincinnati Bengals cheerleaders.

This is the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders.

That was the bar when you were a kid.

There's no more iconic cheerleading unit on the planet.

Yeah.

How do you do that to those poor women?

Well, how do you do it to any woman that's willing to get into a skimpy outfit and jump around for you?

Like, these are heroes.

These are American heroes.

They're heroines, you mean?

Well, I don't see gender like that, Walt.

You know,

you just said they're jumping around in skimpy outfits.

Men can jump around in skimpy Outfits.

No, but like, why are you like these

life should be made as comfortable as possible for these ladies, not harassing.

Shame, shame on Green Ben.

And I love Green Ben.

They were piling on, it said, you know, they had got the score up into like 48 to something.

So when it got into the 40s,

the head cheerleader said that she was emotionally shaken by the things that they were doing.

Now, what?

You know what that means, and like you said.

She won't say what they said, but you know it had to be.

If it's going to bring you to tears, it's not like, hey, your team sucks.

Right.

It's got to be a little bit more salacious, I think.

Sexy stuff or sexual stuff, I should say.

I mean, I don't know, but like

it can't be like your team stinks.

Right.

You know, let's come cheer for a real team.

It's got to be more, I think.

Yeah, like nice cellulite stuff like that that nothing but chilly to want you to hear and think what they were going.

They were saying shit about their looks?

Or, like, maybe you girls should be out here playing instead of them, that kind of stuff.

I don't know if that would bring them to tears, though.

I don't know.

The cellulite thing might.

Cellulite could do it.

Yeah.

I don't know.

You think that they were.

Or just calling them names in general.

See, my mind goes to if they were saying something like,

you know, they were going to do stuff to them.

I don't know if you can, like.

That's what I, I mean, that's the, that's the only thing that I think.

Like, if you're going to be brought to tears, yeah.

Because if you're going to be brought to tears, I think it has to be something that's going to shake you.

And it's not going to be like, you know,

your outfit stinks or, you know.

You got cellulite.

I don't know.

I think that's bad karma, though, right?

For the next year, they move on.

You can't be picking on those ladies.

Come on, man.

But you know who's a Cowboys

fan?

A Cowboys Apollo.

Who?

Get him.

He's not allowed to talk about it, but he is a big Cowboys backer.

He's steaming.

I would have loved to have heard what he had to say

about this controversial statement, but the listeners don't want to hear him anymore, so we won't get to hear it now.

I just love knowing that there are people listening to this right now being like, that's right.

That's right, Walt.

You think you're getting at me because I don't know what the Dallas Cowboys, you're like, Giddam doesn't know.

He doesn't know any more than we do.

He's looking it up right now, though.

He is.

He's looking it up to see if he can find out what they said.

And now we'll never know unless we look it up.

I'm not looking it up.

That's not looking at Getem for.

Yeah, I'll ask Getem later.

But is there someone listening right now that's like, no, I fucking love Getem.

He's my favorite part of the show, man.

Why is he not allowed to talk?

Why is Getem muzzled?

Because of the threat of economic fallout.

Sanctions.

It's like we're North Korea over here.

Yeah.

Like last week, you weren't on, and I asked Sunday Jeff, I go, as a businessman, what do you do if like a certain segment of your income is being threatened by keeping somebody on that nobody wants to hear or a certain segment doesn't want to hear?

Like, what do you do?

And Sunday was as blunt as

always and was like, yeah, you got to keep him off.

Turn his mic off.

Wow.

Right?

Wasn't it?

He didn't even think about it for a second.

He's just,

he's like, well, duh, obviously.

Like, how is this a question?

Turn his mic off.

Yeah, fuck your friends.

Shut it down.

Let's listen to the whim of the people.

You know, next week it might be different.

Yeah, you're right.

You're right.

But what do you do?

Because I thought back to your comment that I always thought was so profound when you said, welcome to sports, sugar tits.

Yeah.

What do you do?

Like in this instance, though, like with a cheerleader, should they have put their big girl pants on or some pants at all and just have said, you know,

you know, they just got to take it in stride.

I mean, it's part of trash talking in 2023.

Yeah, but to like make, like, she's there.

She's at work.

She's not in the stands as a fan attending the game and everything.

It's like she's at work.

She's doing her job.

Like she's a professional cheerleader and this guy is at her job.

telling her such mean shit that she starts crying.

I think it's a different level, man.

Plus, she's a fucking fucking cheerleader, man.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

Oh, because you can't trash talk your opponents anymore, or else it's a personal foul.

That's the rule that I have an issue with.

Yeah.

When did that happen?

Oh, it had.

Oh, yeah.

There was a lot of trash talking.

There was a lot of posturing and all the like.

Well, I know there was a lot of celebrations whenever there was a touchdown.

Yeah, because that just like you could cross a line and it becomes like, it becomes like a free-for-all then.

You're like inciting shit.

Yes, you got to have some respect for your opponent, I think.

And I always

admire the guys who aren't like just trash talking, but

it's part of the game now.

But now it's become spilled over now.

So, what do you do?

What do you do, Brian Johnson?

People love making rules and laws.

So, just make another rule.

You can't trash talk to fucking cheerleaders.

It's that simple.

If you could do it for the football players, then just should you, though?

So, they're allowed to cheer for the entire game.

They're cheering for the other team's demise.

Right.

And the other team has to keep silent and be like, we can't say anything.

We can't say anything back to the cheerleader who's like saying that.

Because you know some of the cheers, the other team stinks.

You know, like

you're a little bit more eloquent than that.

Right.

Maybe

you can say, like, look, it has to be in kind.

They can't be like, hey, your team stinks.

And it's like, you're going to suck my dick after the game.

It's like, it has to be sort of like equal, you know.

But should should there be a rule put in place, though?

Because if you didn't hear about this, right?

Like if these cheerleaders didn't complain about it, nobody would have even.

Nobody would ever know.

Right.

I don't think a lot of people care that much.

You're hired by Jerry Jones.

Jerry Jones.

Jerry Johnson, the owner of the Cowboys.

He's like, I'm putting Brian Johnson on this matter.

Talk to him.

He's going to come up with a solution.

I got a top guy here.

So this solution is only for

the Cowboys, then, not actually for the NFL.

Yeah.

That's a tough one.

Yeah, you're not controlling, like, you can't make a rule that it's a 15-yard penalty if they taunt the cheerleaders.

I feel like I might be like, you see those big girl pants over there?

You're going to have to put them on.

You're just going to have to.

Look, look, this doesn't help your case.

This is what everybody's talking about.

This is why people want to keep you out of sports.

This is the kind of shit.

Oh, Mr.

Jay.

All right, fine.

I'll make a rule.

I don't want to hear this shit anymore.

I got enough female stuff at home.

I don't need it at work, too.

I quit.

What you just did is it was a...

Jerry Jones, I just did.

It's not for me.

That was a microcasm for society, Ken.

That was it.

That's how we got where we are.

All right, all right, a rule, a rule.

And not just ladies, not just ladies, that's fucking everybody.

I need a rule to protect my feelings.

Feelings.

Where are my rules to protect?

Yeah.

Why isn't anybody thinking about my feelings?

Yeah, that's exactly how we get society.

Jerry Jones, because I have to issue an apology.

I believe I hired the wrong man for the job.

The guy in charge of misogynistic relations turns out he wasn't the guy.

I have now hired some, what's his name again?

Meng Chen?

Ming Chen.

Bing Chen is now in charge of this.

Oh, God.

Everybody in charge.

Right, right, right.

The Maverick, you can't put the Maverick in charge.

Those chilies all on the pregnant.

His head would explode.

Yeah.

All those fucking high heels, though?

He's not able to make any kind of rulings.

He's just fucking slobbering like some fucking.

He's dazed.

Yeah.

Oh, Ming's going to be on the boat, right?

We're going to see him in a couple of days.

Ming will be there.

Yeah.

Ming and Jimmy are going to have a rap battle.

I am not happy with Jimmy the Hair guy.

Oh, no?

No.

Oh, I want to hear this.

I am not pleased with Jimmy the Hair guy, and I want you to

inform him.

Okay.

I had a package go missing.

Oh, no.

And I have finally had somebody on the inside of the postal service, and I put him on the case, and it's been two weeks, And he just gives me a number.

He's like, call this number.

A number I could have got anywhere.

And it tells me that they're not going to answer.

So what did you do then?

This is what Jimmy the Hair guy said.

Yeah.

There's a time when Jimmy the hair guy would have fucking kicked in doors for me.

You know what?

He got comfortable so fast.

You know what I think happened?

Look, I'm going to tell you,

he's been texting me.

He's like, do you think I can meet this guy?

Do you think I'll be able to meet that guy?

And I said, yeah, it's not going to be a problem.

And he's like, why?

What makes you think that it's not going to be a problem?

And I was like, because you're with us now.

Like, we can introduce you to these people.

Like, you're not just a regular guy going up off the street and accosting people.

That's why I'm not getting any texts from him anymore.

He's been texting me.

He's been texting me.

Giving me love.

Yeah.

You got to maybe put a little carrot on the stick that he can't meet whoever he wants to meet until he does a little.

I told him he knows who the postal inspector is.

And I told him, can't you get a hold of him and look into this missing package for me?

And he's like, well, I heard he's kind of a jerk.

Well, you have to use his last name, right?

No.

Okay.

I don't want to really get into trouble.

But yeah, he's kind of taking it and it was less like, yeah, you know what?

So should we say?

Say la V.

Shit happens.

So should we say, if by the time we set sail, you don't have this package situation taken care of, you're not meeting Steve O.

Well, I'll tell you what, Walt, I had lunch with Chuck not too long ago.

And he reminded me at that lunch that I told Jimmy the hair guy he could come on the cruise.

I'd pick up his cabin.

Right.

Right.

I had forgotten that.

And I looked into it, and he bought his own, he did buy his own cabin, and it was a windowless, below-deck thing that he was sharing with people.

Smelled of coal.

Yeah, yeah.

There was a propeller right next to his head.

And I got in and I said,

obviously, I got to pay the guy.

So not only did I pay for his cabin, I upgraded him.

Oh.

It's like a window, possibly a balcony now.

He's in a room by himself with his girl, I believe.

So I could take that away, Walt, and drop it

right down

to the fucking bottom of the boat.

Back in steering, bitch.

Yeah.

Like he could be down there with the fucking Irish people, like

playing violins and hopping around and shit like that.

I just feel like, you know, I feel like if I had asked him this maybe six months ago, a little bit more

importance would have been directed towards it.

You might not even have gotten home before it was taken care of.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You might be too comfortable.

Well, that's what happens.

You know,

people get comfortable once they're put into positions, and they get,

they feel like it's a free ride.

No more package, Virginia.

He's like, I'm done.

I paid my dues.

Oh, cheer up.

You guys have fun.

Yeah, we will.

We will.

It's going to be a party atmosphere.

It is.

You know, I saw on Facebook, I saw Giddam posted something, and I was wondering if it was

like a picture of you guys had packaged up all the books and you were going to send them out.

He did.

He did it.

He did it on purpose, right?

I can tell by your face.

And he's like, we don't have time for vacations.

Oh, no, no, no.

It wasn't.

Oh, no, no.

No.

It wasn't.

I was like, that son of a bitch.

That's the paranoia in you?

Yes.

Okay.

He was directing it at somebody.

Okay.

But it was somebody who was rolling to him.

I was like, is he coming at me for no reason?

No, no,

that's how that's how you know Walt's a true friend.

He knows my paranoid tendencies.

I was just went to the shrink yesterday to get some more medication, and that's what we talked about: my paranoia.

So I was just like, I can without a doubt 100% tell you it was directed at somebody, but it was not you.

Okay.

I was like, why would he say this?

Top five, top five.

Top five.

I don't know.

No top five.

No top five.

So what's the what are the shows?

How many shows you got to do?

We got three shows.

We have a Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night show.

Oh, my God.

A show every night?

Yeah.

Well, not Monday.

Not Monday.

We don't have any shows Monday.

We have a show every night.

I thought we were doing two, Space Monkeys.

The note that I got was three.

Okay.

Hey, man.

The more the better.

Yeah.

So three different shows on three different nights.

It should be pretty fun.

Tuesday night, rather, the first night, I got a Tell Him Steve Dave theme going on.

And then Wednesday, we have the big show with

Eric and Eric Andre and Steve-O.

Your brother was going.

I was like, Eric's going?

And the big guest

thought we couldn't get him.

Oh, nice.

An unseen, unheard presence just gave me a very nice Space Monkeys tumbler.

The listener sent that in.

Listener sent that in?

Well, thank you.

Thank you very much.

Oh, dope, man.

And yes, if Jimmy the Hair Guy, I'll task him with this.

If you want a patch, Mary Beth had patches made.

You know, we get patches made every

cruise.

What is that noise?

Do you hear that?

Yeah, I think when Q moves, he's making some.

Oh, okay.

Yes.

How's that?

Oh, yeah, that's better.

Okay.

See Jimmy the Hair Guy.

I'm going to put him in charge of giving away patches.

Now, historically, this has been a position that could draw some ire from people.

This has gone south for many a person who you've given this text.

So much so that they're no longer listeners to TSD.

Right.

They're like,

the button thing did me in.

It killed me.

You cost us a loyal listener, you know, by, you know.

Well, everybody's screaming at me.

They're like, hey, man, where are the buttons?

I paid for it.

And I'm like, look, man,

nothing to do with this.

So Jimmy the hair guy's in charge of it?

Jimmy the hair guy, I'm going to put him in charge of patches.

So he'll have a handful of patches.

If you see him, say, you know, hey, Jimmy the Hair guy.

that's the code word

patch me patch me patch me in okay is that

how about this patch me and when you get home find that fucking box yeah for waltz patch me and package waltz there you go

call him piece of shit if you feel like it

it sounds like this might go to jimmy's head that's like now he's got power over people he's already

i'll tell you about if he refuses to hand out the patches i'll let you know okay okay And we're having an ant meetup, right?

We're having an ant.

There'll be an ant meetup.

That'll be Monday, most likely, probably six or seven in the evening.

I still have to find the schedule to

give you the exact amount, but the exact time.

Now, how do you get into the ant meetup?

Like, how do you prove you're an ant and not just somebody who's...

I don't think you would know about it unless you're an ant.

Yeah.

It's a publicized.

Oh, really?

Yeah, it's word spreads amongst the ants.

Okay.

When is this episode coming out, though?

This will come out Sunday.

So it'll come out before we leave.

Okay.

Yeah.

So anybody who listens in will know.

Talk to Jimmy the hair guy.

In fact, what'll happen is you get a patch from Jimmy.

I'm going to give Jimmy the information.

So that Monday, first day on the boat, you go see Jimmy.

He'll have your patch and he'll have your information.

Does Jimmy have any time to just like max and relax?

Or is he

got him?

I got him rapping.

I got him one true threeing.

I don't.

Why the fuck should he?

Jude, your face is going to hurt from all the smiling you're going to have to do.

Oh, yeah.

Have to do?

Not going to be able to stop myself, Walt.

We're going to have so much fun.

Let me read one more thing to you guys.

It's called HelloFresh.

You remember Green Chef?

Green Chef is a property that is now owned by HelloFresh.

With a wider array of meals, plants to choose from.

There's something for everyone, and you can switch between the brands, and now listeners can enjoy both brands at at a discount.

I can't keep up with all these chefs.

There's a lot of chefery going on, right?

Chef Boyard, chain chef, HelloFresh.

Yeah.

I don't think you can get chef boy RD from these guys.

These guys are farm-fresh, pre-portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your door.

Skip trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun, and affordable.

That's why it's America's number one meal kit.

Each HelloFresh box is packed with farm fresh ingredients, and everything arrives pre-portioned right to your doorstep for less hassle and less less wasted food.

Don't let boredom strike because HelloFresh has even more options than before.

Dig their biggest menu yet with over 45 dinner options to choose from weekly and even more market add-ons that suit any lifestyle.

They say breakfast is the most important meal of the day and HelloFresh agrees.

In fact, they're giving all subscribers free breakfast for life.

That means you'll enjoy a totally free breakfast item with every single HelloFresh delivery.

Now that's worth waking up early for.

My personal endorsement is that Mary Beth says it's super easy to cook.

It saves time, less mess, less prep.

She loves the convenience, and the recipes are great, tasty, but not too frou-fro.

So it doesn't have like a bunch of like super fancy ingredients that you're like, oh, come on.

Like, I don't even know what this is, let alone putting it in my mouth.

Go to hellofresh.com/slash TESD free and use code TESD Free for free breakfast for life.

Only one, I mean, one breakfast item per box while subscription is active.

That's free breakfast for breakfast.

For life at hellofresh.com/slash TESD free with code TESD free.

Okay, that's it.

For some reason, that's repeated twice, but I'm not going to read it twice.

That's it.

Hellofresh.com/slash T-E-S-D-Free.

Great.

All right.

I saw, I don't think you guys are going to be bummed, but speaking of woke, I saw that,

not Catwoman,

She-Hulk was canceled.

And

I'm not surprised.

I think there's a lot of

they got to circle the wagons and figure out what they're going to do moving forward.

I mean, a lot of people are so disappointed with MCU and Star Wars that Disney's got to just got to rethink things and, you know, formulate a better game plan moving forward and try to try to win back some of the fans who have been disappointed with a lot of the current output.

But

I still think it's possible

to get back, you know, to

get back to where they were.

and get back to where they were when they were the kings of content man

is it that they're putting out too much and it's too

it's too well woke that's that's one of the problems with she-hulk was one of the

people say i don't i i don't subscribe to that that that's the problem i just think it's not you're you strayed away from the source material you thought you were smarter than the guys who created the storylines and the characters that you're working on go back to the source material, and I promise you that

that's the road.

That's what people want.

More twerking than the source material?

Or none?

No, no.

No twerking?

I don't think you need to twerk.

A lot of people seem to agree that twerking was unnecessary.

From what I read, anyway.

Or you think I'm missing something?

Don't you think it's like, just go back to the source material?

That's what fans want, and that's where you had a lot of success.

I think you got to do that for sure.

I mean, that's the blueprint.

That's what got everybody here.

So I'm with you on that.

I do think that, and I hope we're starting to come out of it, but who knows that we're in that era of like message before entertainment.

And I think that's going to start switch because I think people just want to go watch movies and TV shows without getting fucking beat on the head with

sorts of.

I literally

returned the last Stephen King book after reading 10 pages.

I'm like, I don't want to hear about fucking Trump anymore.

We know, we know, we all know about Trump.

Like,

stop beating the drum.

That's when people are like, Look, does he have the Trump derangement syndrome?

Because he can't stop talking about the guy and putting him in books and shit.

Yeah, just like that.

Well, I mean, the guy's coming back, so I mean, it's probably going to be the next three books, too.

Could be.

But, like, even, even with, like, and I ended up not seeing She-Hulk, but I know that they did that thing where

they were publicly celebrating that some of the tweets that they got online were matching tweets that angry fanboys sent them in the show.

And they were celebrating.

They were doing like a fist bump.

And I'm like, I don't know, man.

I don't know much about the entertainment business, but I don't think like striving to piss people off and then doing a victory lap about it is

what's going to fucking make She-Hulk a hit.

I just don't think it is.

And you're like,

it's, you're just like,

I don't want to, like, it's she-hulk.

She could fucking do anything.

Like, why are we spending our time on like with this stupid bullshit?

Like, it's she-hulk.

These are comic books.

Like, anything is possible, and this is what you guys are.

I didn't see it, so for all I know, I may watch it and be like, This is the greatest thing.

Well, I know that they put out, I didn't see it, but the new show that Disney put out, that Marvel put out, was Echo, and Daredevil's in it.

And he's not in a yellow costume, he's back in the old red and black togs.

So

it looks like from the trailer, it looks like it's pretty action-oriented.

Great.

So, you know, maybe they are starting to just like figure out like, like you said, it's like, let's worry about the characters.

Let's worry about the storyline.

And you can put a message in there, but you just do it a little bit more clever.

I'm not so heavy-handed.

And I think people are be fine with it.

Fuck yeah, man.

There was messages in the shit we watched growing up.

Sure, man.

There's no problem.

It's just it can't be the first thing.

And it can't be the beating you over the head with it.

The subtlety is the key.

Clever.

Yeah.

And being clever.

It's a little bit more clever.

Or, or it's not.

Or I'm sure somebody listening right now could think of really

heavy message entertainment that is good.

You know what I mean?

Like, what do I know?

But I'm just saying what I like is like, dude,

let's bury the message a little bit here.

Make it.

Let's go to the hatchet and let's all get get along.

Let's bury everybody.

I would fucking love it.

And yeah, and everybody come together and

treat life like a cruise.

Yeah, now you're talking.

Tell him, Steve Dave.