#583: Now! Git ‘em free!

Like you could literally be the Dalai Lama in my eyes.

Like you're ha like you sh people should be coming to you for how to handle shit.

I thought it said a kid's shirt I ripped off.

Complaining about his autism.

How low can you go?

I'm sure they could go lower.

I've seen some of these trolls.

I don't give a fuck.

Tell him Steve Dave.

Hello and welcome to this week's edition of Tell'em Steve Dave.

I'm here with Walt.

Yo.

And special guests, straight through the tunnels of Airport Plaza, Sunday Jeff.

Happy New Year, boys.

Happy New Year.

Sunday, Jeff, what is going on with you people?

Why are you tunneling under the ground?

Why are you burrowing?

I guess that's what Jews do.

Yeah.

Did you read about this?

No.

No?

I don't watch anything.

I don't watch the news.

I have no sense of it.

I heard something about it.

I couldn't figure it out what the reasons for it were.

I never never heard

anybody say why they have tunnels, so I really didn't follow that.

I read a couple articles.

I can't figure out why they have these tunnels, but man, do they want them?

They're like these hardcore rabbinical students that are like, they think that, I think that they believe that the elders of the church aren't doing something that they should be doing.

So they tunneled under the ground to connect these four buildings or something, their synagogue to these four buildings.

For some reason,

they want these tunnels and they're like guarding them.

Like the cops came and they were like, they wouldn't come out of the tunnels.

And the cops are like, look, we're going to pour cement in these to shore them up.

And they're like, we're not coming out.

If you found out that me and Gillamore had started a tunnel network underneath the airport plazas.

Do you have

Clayton concrete there the next day?

What would you be?

What would you do?

I am so bored with my life right now.

I would get my shovel.

anything

anything

i joined in i'd be like where are we going boys china digging tunnels ain't fuck 80

easy work though bro you say you're like i would get my shovel and everything down here you know like as soon as you're like you hit within an hour you hit a root you fuck this what the fuck man where's the dynamite get it i saw how he mulches yeah so

fucking that that's good enough that's two kinds of like just

that's it i saw how he mulches so yeah i mean i would definitely be curious as as to what it was for.

You said they're in between synagogues?

It's like a synagogue that's attached to four other nearby buildings or three other nearby buildings or something like that.

You could walk above the ground and possibly get shot at or

beaten up or protested against or something.

Possibly, I heard somebody float that maybe they were built back during the COVID lockdown so they could attend church.

Oh, oh, yeah, they were real big on being like, fuck you and fuck COVID.

Is this Israel or is this the outside?

No, this is in Brooklyn.

It is in Brooklyn.

Oh, I thought you were talking about Hamas in Israel over over there.

I don't know.

Oh, no, no, no, not those tunnels.

No, this is in New York.

So, yeah, no one, they may have come out and said why they had these tunnels, but I don't.

I'm like, I'm not as oblivious as Sunday Jeff is, but I'm trying.

It's very easy.

Come on over.

I'll show you how to do it.

Grab a shovel.

Like, what do you talk about all the time?

If you don't have any awareness of what's going on around you,

I mean, I do.

I mean, I get some stuff on my phone.

Like, you know, the stuff with the aircraft interests me with the

big rip hole in the airplane.

Yeah, that's a guy who worked on airplanes.

Well, that caught my attention.

How does that happen?

What we're talking about is there was a plane that took off, and then like a gigantic hole was ripped into the plane, and they had the door ripped off.

Yeah, it's actually not a, it's, it's a, it's not really a door.

It looks like a door because of the way that the aircraft are.

You can configure seats

to the aircraft to the way that the airline wants them.

If you have a certain amount of seats, you have to have another exit.

That's where the exit would go.

You wouldn't know it unless you look on the outside of the plane because you would see it.

On the inside of the plane, you never see there would be another one.

You would see like the plastic on the fuse.

So I heard that it ripped, the hole was ripped into the plane, and then a kid's shirt was ripped off his body.

I saw that.

It's so weird.

I'm telling you right now, like, yo, I know it's weird.

The first thing I thought of was like,

why didn't his pants get ripped off?

That's weird.

But I'm like, I don't get it.

Why the shirt, but not the pants?

You would think, I don't know, maybe because he's sitting on them.

Like, there's more weight.

Like, there's some kind of balance.

You know what?

My luck, my pants would have gotten ripped off.

Sitting there in just the shirt and no pants of the undies flying through the sky.

His hat's still on, though.

Anytime you see a dude in a movie, if you see a dude with no pants and a shirt on, it just looks weird.

It looks bizarre, you know.

It looks so strange.

Girls, it looks hot.

Yeah.

But God.

That little ass cheek hanging out.

Yeah.

So hot.

I had a girlfriend.

I had a girlfriend years and years ago who was so put off by the sight of a guy in a t-shirt and no, nothing like, because she would go to the beach and she's like, she would go to the nude beach and tan topless.

And all these guys would walk around

with their wieners hanging out.

It's just, there's something about it.

It's just appalling.

It just, like, it's a complete, I know

even if the shirt was off, it still wouldn't like be sexy to me but even that's just the worst look it's almost like socks and sandals if you're wearing oh I thought for a second I was I thought you're talking about your dog

socks and sandals I was like what

shirt fly off socks

socks hanging out it's like wearing white socks and sandals yeah yeah that's to me how bad that look is a dude wearing a shirt with like bikini bottoms or no bottoms or no bottoms yeah girls can pull it off guys can't.

But back, how did that happen?

I have no idea how his shirt fell off.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

How did this hole rip into the plane?

Apparently, there's bolts that are on there or possibly not on there now is what they're saying, that they think that there might not have even been bolts on there that hold that actual panel in place.

How many bolts?

Four, apparently.

Just four.

Well, they could be like, they could be fucking huge bolts.

Okay, they could be like monster bolts.

Yeah.

Like Frankenstein bolts.

Bigger.

Bigger than than the ones on his neck?

Yeah, I would think that's much bigger.

But still, why not go with eight just to be safe?

Unless it calls for two and they're going with four to be safe.

Oh, man.

What was the company again?

Was it Boeing?

No.

Oh, yeah.

Boeing was the

manufacturers.

Alaska Airlines.

Yeah, Alaska Airlines.

But United already did an inspection on some other aircraft and they found four or five of them that are loose, that aren't tightened.

What must that have sounded like?

Oh, what must have have

sounded like?

They're lucky they were not up cruising speed.

It would have been done.

You're done.

Yeah, but they had to.

It would have sucked everybody out, right?

Well, I thought it was on takeoff.

It was on like

16,000 feet.

Like those oxygen masks will drop after 14,000 feet.

You need them after.

No, they had to come down really fast to get to oxygen.

They didn't have oxygen where they were.

Yeah, but I'm saying it's a lot better at that altitude than being

cruising speed.

I mean, it's just like, I saw the videos.

The video is so fucked up.

And everybody's like, looks like they're driving a convertible.

It's just like, everybody's like going on and shit and looking around.

The dude's hair is just flipping around.

You don't know how you're going to act when

you're going to go down.

Like, you know, thank God there was nobody sitting in those seats.

There was no passengers.

I thought I said a kid's shirt got ripped off.

Yeah, but he's on the opposite side.

But it's just weird.

Like, how do you get your shirt?

Do you just like lift your hand up and it's just like the Jetsons?

It just flies off.

I mean, unless it's a button-down shirt or something.

There's no, like, this is not, I don't know how this would ever come off of what I'm wearing.

Well, you probably the stitching.

But everybody else had their shirts on.

It must have been a t-shirt, then.

Like a t-shirt.

Like a loose-fitting t-shirt.

Maybe like a button-down shirt or something.

I mean, I would think that's the only way.

I mean, because when you sit on the, you know, your arms are towards your side.

You know?

Do you give a fuck?

Like, because like you say.

His shirt got ripped off.

In your case, your pants would have gotten ripped off.

But if your shirt gets ripped off, are you more worried about, like, are we going to crash?

Or are you more worried about your pants?

Can you give me a shirt?

Oh, yeah.

I might be the one guy that's.

First,

I pray to God that we make it.

And then my second prayer is: please don't let my pants fly off.

Please don't let my pants.

I know the shirt's gone.

Can't do nothing about that.

But I don't want the pants to fly off.

Perfect world.

I still have my shirt on, but I don't.

Everything down to the bear.

Going commando?

Yeah, that's the one thing that I would be like, oh, my gosh.

Shit floating out in the wind.

It must have been terrifying, though.

I can't even imagine.

Can't even imagine.

I mean, look, the good thing about it is they were able to land a plane.

Nobody got hurt or killed or anything.

So, I mean,

obviously.

What are you doing?

Yeah.

Even though Giddam's not on Mike, he's still making his presence known.

He's making constant noises over there.

Just stop touching shit.

He's got himself a new Fitbit.

He's messing with his computer.

Sunday, you don't know.

Some things have transpired in TSD town since the last time you were on Mike.

As much as I don't know about that,

I don't know about TSD.

You don't read the newsletter?

I don't get one.

Apparently,

makes too much noise.

There's too much gidd'em on the regular show.

What do you mean regular show?

On the regular episode.

Like an episode like this.

A regular, the free TSD.

They know they've got no chance on, say, a Sunday Jeff show or a Dungeons and Dragons.

I've never heard one complaint about Gidem on the Patreon content, but I cannot say the same thing about the regular show and the amount of emails I've gotten

that I didn't even mention.

I don't even reply to.

I don't respond to.

But I'm going to ask Sunday, Jeff,

as a businessman, where would you put yourself on O scale one to 10 as a businessman?

Well, you would know that.

I mean, pretty high.

Pretty high.

Pretty high scale.

Like, are you like in a Trump scale?

I know he's like fucking Warren Buffett over here.

I'm going to say at least eight.

You'd rate yourself eight as a businessman?

All right, maybe seven.

I'm just wondering what he has to back it up.

That's what I'm waiting for.

It's coming down.

Let's go with five.

It's coming down quicker than that.

At least it wasn't my pants.

So

you're getting.

I know enough about work ethic.

How about that?

That, yes.

There you go.

That's 10.

That's a 10.

Yeah.

There's no one ever going to take that away from you.

But let's say you're

getting a lot of complaints from your customer base.

And they're saying,

they're threatening.

I've been a lifelong listener.

I'm not listening anymore.

This is the only way I can make my voice be heard is if I tell you I'm canceling everything and I'm not unsubscribing if you don't get him off the regular feed.

Really?

What?

Sign Brian Johnson.

What do you do?

What do you really do?

Well, I haven't heard him talk, so

I guess we know the answer.

I didn't tell him to talk.

He's like a church mouse over there.

Not really.

From all the fucking pitching he's doing over there with his computer.

and

banging fucking.

Maybe I should have gave him to that after the show.

Don't give him a fucking piece of

tech toy.

Yeah, he's squealing like he just saw a helicopter.

But what do you really do?

All honesty, like no shits and giggles.

What do you really do?

You know he's.

You throttle back a little bit.

He's a friend.

Yeah, and you're a friend.

And you don't want to hurt his confidence.

And he also does, at times, he will offer interesting stuff, stuff that we wouldn't know.

That's what he's saying.

So you can't hate me.

But he also

throws out a lot of great zingers.

And to be fair, a lot of bad ones.

But he does throw out some.

Obviously, a lot more bad ones.

He does throw out some really good zingers.

So I'm really kind of shocked and disappointed that I've gotten so many

emails regarding this and his

participation in the regular pod.

But

my first instinct is to be like, fuck off.

Yeah, this is our show.

You know what?

Let us do what we do and just fucking stop.

Is it this or Patreon?

It's both.

Oh, well.

So then, but then my second.

Patreon, kid him, you're out.

But then my second ass.

My first instinct is to be like, well,

should I give it a little bit more weight?

So I don't know.

What do you think, though?

What's your opinion as a businessman?

Like I said, just drought him back.

Like, what's he been doing?

Like, filling in for Q?

No, he's been like fourth month.

He's been like like on the fourth month.

Oh, even when Q's here.

Yeah, even when Q's here.

Okay, so you just throttle back.

Just, you know, just, you know, don't have to be on the last one.

But what about poor Giddam's feelings, though?

He'll get over it.

That's a cold-hearted businessman.

That's a businessman right there, though.

You want a job?

You can always move the couch into the hallway.

You don't advise him attempting to change his personality.

Become more likely.

Well, you just, you know, just like, you know,

like spread the episodes out a little bit.

It's hard for him to throttle it back, though, I believe.

Because

he likes to talk.

So he probably overindulges in offering up his feelings, opinions, and that sort of stuff.

Yeah.

He's not a true fourth mic.

He doesn't know when to interject.

Yeah.

Strategically.

That's how he is, though.

And I found

it.

I know he doesn't have a mic, which is fine, but

it's been tickling.

I had somebody weigh in about

the nervous, like, hmm, huh?

So it's like, whenever

someone says something, he has somebody.

He's probably sitting at the table.

He has some sort of like noise to affirm that he's listening.

And they say that is definitely, you know, some sort of autistic trait.

And to not.

So all you people out there who are bitching about that.

They're shaming them.

Yeah, come on.

Don't you feel shitty now?

Don't you feel like

a fucking piece of dog shit on the bottom of Giddam's shoe?

You should.

Isn't worth scraping off now, like complaining about his autism.

How low can you go?

I'm sure they could go lower.

I've seen some of these trolls.

I don't give a fuck.

Cut his feet off.

I'm sure they've gone lower on Gidham, even.

But we're going to see how

if you want to know Giddem, now you're going to get it.

And then I can't wait to fucking sit back and have everybody weigh in and be like, I missed Giddem.

I missed Giddam.

You think that's what we're going to get?

Too bad.

No more Giddam.

We're holding him back.

We're going to be able to get him for a

And then you'll be clamoring for when's Gidem?

We missed Giddem.

When's Gidem coming back?

We'll see it.

Well, that's what I say.

Is Giddem still alive?

You don't know what you had till it's gone, right, Sunday?

Oh, yeah.

So there you go, people.

Have you been in those situations?

You don't know what you had.

You're off the pod?

No, you know.

No, no way.

I cannot imagine the circumstances.

No.

Where Sunday, people don't like...

You're a fan favorite Sunday.

No, where you didn't know what you had until it was gone.

Yeah, there's been times in my life where I've done that.

Yeah, is it usually a lady?

Actually, it's the opposite.

A guy.

Well, no, it's actually

that year of exploring and where you can find, you know, where you could.

No, I love this.

I love this.

Go ahead, sorry.

Yeah, I mean, like, as you get older, you know, you see things for, like, how they are.

And, like, when you're in a different relationship, it's almost like, like, I appreciate what I have now compared to what I had before.

Because it's, it's like night and day.

Well, you know what?

If you're with somebody for that long and you're in, you know, like, it's, like, not really a good relationship, it starts to become toxic.

Right.

And then, you know, because I don't think I ever talked about this with, you know, with my daughter and everything.

She, you know, she got in the middle of everything, which you never, ever do with a kid.

You never put the kid in the middle of stuff.

But, you know, it's just, and then the, you know, the person I'm with now, it's just like, it's such a difference being with that kind of person, you know, seeing like what a real relationship really should be like.

So I hear you, brother.

And I would miss that if I didn't have that right now.

So, and for those who have been listening a long time, and I don't think a lot of listeners, probably none of them know that, you know, that you've been divorced for like seven years.

We never revealed it on the episode, though.

But that was private.

Yeah, I mean, it's like, I don't like it.

Until you bring it up,

for us to bring it up.

Yeah, but you know, it's like, look, I mean, sometimes I'm much happier.

You know, my daughter's much happier.

You know, so it's just like, you know, there's a, you know,

what are you going to do?

Life moves on, and just I'm happy.

And that's, that's, you know, that's.

You don't really run into many people who, once they're divorced, is like, this sucks.

Well, yeah, I think you do when it's

when one of the people is still in love with the other person.

Then, then, yes.

But for the most part, I you know what?

Mine is usually

relegated to women.

Like if I talk to a woman on the cruise or something, you know, they're like, I'm going to get divorced or I got divorced.

I'm going through divorce.

There's a couple of 13 percenters I know that have just gotten divorced.

And they're like, it's awesome.

Like they fucking love it.

It was not awesome, trust me.

You know what I mean with

that?

I think the actual...

You know, you changed it.

They was not in awesome at all.

That was not awesome.

You got over it.

But I did everything that.

It's time heels.

Right, but

do it the right way.

And, you know, just it's, you know, children, as they get older, they start to realize and see things for themselves, and things definitely change in the future.

You literally could write the book, the textbook, on how to handle things the right way.

So much admiration and respect for the way you dealt with shit.

Yeah, because it's emotionally

crazy.

You were like the pillar of how to handle your emotions.

And of course, I would not have handled them the same way.

I know emotions.

But I would have.

That's what it is.

That's

you have to do the right thing because the courts automatically look, look, it comes after me or whatever.

It's just like, that's how it is.

It's just like, you know, you lose control.

You have to stay.

And it's fucking tough.

It is tough.

But, you know, it's just like you do everything.

And, you know, unfortunately, the laws weren't put in place for people like me.

I'm the 1% that

men

99% of people, the laws, you know, it's, you know, the law exercises on caution.

So it's just always, you know, the laws weren't meant for me.

I do the things the right thing.

And it just, you know, it just happened.

That's how it is.

And you do things the right way.

And sometimes you feel like, well, why do I keep, why am I doing things the right way?

They're not doing things the right way.

Oh, I've felt that way plenty of times.

But at the

time

will play out that if you do things the right way, you will, it'll be better for you.

Oh, it does.

Well, you know, again, my

tempted to not do things the right way because you get angry or upset if you could just remain disciplined to constantly, like, and you did.

It's tough.

It is tough.

But you have to.

My thing was my daughter.

You know, it's just, it was just hard not, you know, because she's just being poisoned.

But my kid, you know, see, my daughter, she, you know, I spent a lot of time with my daughter.

So, like, you know, it's like, you were.

Her mind, her mind was being poisoned.

She wasn't literally being poisoned.

It's just like

both of you said as she gets older, she'll seize things for, and it's true.

It just, you know, it's just like she's just, you know, she has to side with,

you know, that, that person, like almost like a captor.

It's just, you know, it is what it is.

Stockholm syndrome.

Yeah, it's, it's, it's very similar to that.

I don't know, you know, but, you know, you know, look, I wouldn't be with that person either.

I mean, I wouldn't marry a person like that.

It's just that, you know, there's, there's some problems with her.

She's got some stuff going on in her brain, and she's not the same person that I married.

And that's, you know, she just did some wacky things.

And

I remember there was a moment where I asked Sunday Jeff because he was deep in, and things were not swinging his way at this particular time.

And I asked him if he wanted me to do a little recon.

You know, like me.

He immediately turned me down.

He's like, no, no.

I'm going to do it the right way.

That's exactly what he said.

Is it from Paulie Walnuts?

Yeah, yeah.

No, he, yeah, much respect for the way you handle everything.

And like, you could literally be the Dalai Lama in my eyes.

Like, you have, like, people should be coming to you for how to handle shit because I've never seen you not handle it proper.

Yeah, it's just that's, again, that's, that's what you have to do.

I mean, it's just like, look, I mean, I saw like all the shit that you see on.

like my mother was saying, well, they can't do this.

They can't do this.

It's like, this isn't court TV.

This is not.

They're doing it.

This is not how the real world works.

You know, but the shit that I had to go through and the hoops that I had to go through just to see her, just to see my daughter.

You know, because all the bullshit, because you turn the, you know, the laws from, you know, that are meant to be, you know, a shield is turned into a sword.

Damn.

So, and it's true, you know, but again,

I put on my gladiator outfit and you came, like, and you came, all this was going on while you were.

Are you not entertained?

We were doing the all-new Sunday Jeff shows.

All this shit was going on.

I mean, I still have

responsibility, still went to work.

I still did, you know, look, I never, ever gave up talking, trying to reach out to my kid

every time.

Whether she responded, whether she made, you know, didn't say anything, you know, whatever, you know, it's just like, you know, that's, that's, I just.

did what I, you know, still want to do, regardless.

Just know that I don't, because if I didn't, this is what they would have done.

See, father doesn't care about you.

Doesn't talk to you.

Doesn't say, say, you know, it's just like, tried to cut off my communication.

I did whatever I had to do to keep her in my life.

You know, because they just tell her to just look, look, your father's always going to be with you.

And to this day, my daughter is like, she apologized, you know, for just like, you know, saying that I didn't, you know, I didn't want to, you know, I didn't want to do any of this stuff.

You know, she's like, she's like, you don't have to apologize.

I know what was going on.

13%ers listening right now are going to have to mop up afterwards.

They're so turned on by Sunday Jeff and his fatherly bullshit here.

I'm sure.

I'm sure there's plenty of listeners right now who are going through.

Well, I don't waste that for anybody.

Yeah, I just don't waste any of it.

It's hard to do.

I've gotten a lot of emails from people who say that they use TSD as a distraction for their divorce and their issues.

So a lot of people are going through it.

Yeah, I mean, this is so long ago already.

I mean, I'm sure people kind of like, I might have slipped some things up, but I think so.

Yeah, but I'm saying I don't go into like, there's no reason to go into details now.

It's just, it's just like, you know, I'm so much happier happier with the person I'm with right now.

She's a beautiful person.

And it goes to show you and the listeners that, you know, we're, we are dealing with the same shit that they're dealing with, you know, and human beings just like them.

So the next time you fucking fire off a nasty email about Giddam,

remember, he's a human being.

He is a human being.

It's easy to forget.

We understand that.

Don't, you know, don't fucking write me such a shitty email and that I should, you know, jettison him from the company because he's annoying.

It's hard to get rid of him?

And that's the thing.

It's like not only, he's been a friend for years and years.

Yeah, it's just shocking that some of the

human.

His phone is unbelievable in some of the emails I've gotten.

Yeah.

And I get it.

I'm aware of this.

News to me.

Well, I don't tell anybody.

I just delete them.

I don't even respond to them.

No.

No.

Because

I don't think there's an answer.

Well, but I think you found it.

It's good I'm not being on the show.

Oh, I want to.

This is me

showing them what they're missing.

Okay.

Like, you know, this is me showing them, like, okay, you wanted it.

Now you got it.

And I can't wait for you to beg me.

Right.

Those emails to come in begging for me.

Please bring, get them back.

Yep.

And I'm going to read them on air.

I'm going to grab some drops of him going

and just put them in this episode.

That's not me.

Oh, boy.

Let me tell you boys about something real quickly called Factor.

Get started on your resolutions with Factor.

You got

any New Year's resolutions Sunday?

It was just your birthday recently, right?

Yes, it was.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Lated birthday.

Thank you.

Any health,

what's it called?

Resolutions?

Resolutions, yeah.

No, I didn't make any resolutions.

No.

No.

I didn't make any resolutions.

Once you hear this, you're going to want to.

What you got?

I got Factor's Ready-to-Eat Meal Delivery Service.

They take the stress out of meal planning and set you up for success in the new year.

Skip the grocery stores, prep work, and cooking fatigue.

Instead, get chef-crafted, dietitian-approved meals delivered right to your door.

With over 35 meals to choose from per week, including options like Keto, Calorie Smart, Vegan Plus, Veggie, and more, plus over 55 weekly add-ons, you'll have a ton of nutritious and flavorful options to kickstart your resolutions.

Forget those frantic lunch preps Sunday, and forget those rushed dinners.

Factors two-minute meals are your secret weapon in the new year.

They offer loads of snack options like breakfast smoothies, juices, snacks, and more to keep you going no matter what's on your schedule.

Skip the overpriced takeout trap.

Oh my God, you get a lot of takeout, right?

Well,

that's all I get.

That's pretty much what we go to.

It's all I get.

I don't own a refrigerator.

It's prohibitively expensive.

It's got to keep the leftovers.

It's a little butter and Pepsi.

No, no, no.

No more soda at home.

Oh, no more soda, huh?

No more soda.

That was your resolution?

No, that was me

in a hospital,

swearing to my wife on no more soda.

No more Pepsi.

I've kept it.

Look, baby, drink of water right now.

There you go.

Look at them go.

By Factor.

Need a special occasion meal?

Gourmet Plus is the perfect solution if you're looking for fast, upscale options done easily.

And when things get hectic, Flat Factor is flexible and you can change your order every week with plans from 4 to 18 meals per week or pause or reschedule your deliveries anytime.

They offer fast, simple solutions when you're too busy to cook.

They help you stay on top of your goals, and with offerings like protein, plus, and keto, you can stay on track.

This is definitely going to come in handy for anybody's New Year's goals.

So they have everything you need for a week of flavorful, nutritious eats.

In addition to ready-to-eat meals, they have cold, pressed juices, smoothies, energy bites, extra protein, veggie sides, and more to keep you energized during frantic times.

Head to factormeals.com/slash TESD50 and use code TESD50 to get 50% off.

That's code TESD50 at factormeals.com slash TESD50 to get 50% off.

Pretty good deal, Factor.

Thank you, Factor.

Yeah, that's a pretty decent deal.

So, Wal, you took a trip.

Yes.

I took a trip to Motor City.

Detroit Rock City.

Yes.

And it wasn't looking good at first because the Nor'easter came in.

Oh, you hit that all that weather, huh?

No,

we.

Oh, you would have got snow out there, right?

Yeah, it was snow, but we didn't see any snow.

We kind of missed it both ways, which lucked out.

We drove through Canada to get there.

It was shorter to go through Canada?

Yeah, we went up to meet Frank Five and Mary, and then

he drove us from

upstate New York across Canada.

And the border crossing into Detroit literally was like you could throw a stone and hit the hotel we stayed at the stadium from the from the border crossing in Detroit.

So it was like

it was awesome.

And we missed all the bad weather.

We had some flurries of game day, which was pretty cool, you know, because you're walking to the stadium and

it's snowing.

It feels like snow.

You know, I can hear John Madden, you know,

from heaven.

Yeah, I could hear some NFL music.

The Raiders, the Raiders March.

The wind is a pirate.

Football is a.

And it was so surreal.

I have never seen

any Detroit Lions fans in my life.

So to walk amongst 100,000 Detroit Lions.

Like, oh, his chest is all pumped out and shit.

Yeah, that bulldog.

Come on, son, I'll buy you a steak.

I just wanted to run up to everybody and be like, I'm from Jersey, and I love Detroit Lions, too.

He's got his devils.

Well, you should have had, like, remember that Kisha had, like, half devils, half Detroit?

Yeah.

You're like, what does this fucking guy wear?

I just want to scream from the fucking top of my lungs that, Like, I'm from New Jersey, and I'm just like you guys.

I love you.

I love you guys.

And the game, it was just, the stadium was so fucking killer.

It's a dome, so you walk in from that snow, and it's a bomb.

Yeah, I've never been in a dome.

A bomb, 70 degrees.

You could see, there's a big window.

And if you look up into the

one side,

you can see the snow coming down while the game's going on.

But

so bright.

Like the colors of the uniforms, the helmets.

It was just like overwhelming.

Do you have good seats?

A little bit.

We had really good seats.

We're on the 15-yard line down low.

I mean, if I could have thrown a pass and maybe hit Jared Goff, the Lions played all their starters.

They did win, right?

They did win.

30 to 20.

I saw 50 points.

I saw bombs.

I saw

interceptions.

All he needed was Brady.

So I brought a couple hoodies,

two hoodies, and a little plush Detroit lion.

I've got a net shirt, though.

Stuffed animal I brought for my daughter as a little souvenir.

$130.

For what?

For two hoodies for this little plush lion.

Wow.

Yeah, $130.

You think that's bad?

Oh, no, no.

I'm sorry.

$230.

I was going to say because

that's like $45 for each hoodie.

That's not bad.

$100.

It's $300 for it.

It doesn't even look like a professional.

It looks like it's a college team.

Yeah, it looks like high school.

It probably was high school.

That's not

the colors.

It's not even any of the colors.

There you go.

That's the little tiny thing.

If that was, you know why?

Because if it was bigger than that, it would have been $260.

No, the hoodies were $100 each, and the Little Plush was $30.

Fucking pizza that rivaled Cece's.

Little Caesars.

Never had Little Caesars before.

They had Sicilian.

You never had Little Caesars?

No, I loved it.

Better, almost as good as Sicies.

I can tell you where one is.

You're going to have to drive, but I can tell you where one is.

I want to know because I'm willing to drive to it.

It was that good.

If it's still there,

we got these little

Barry Sanders.

It was a giveaway.

Not a bobblehead.

It was like a statue.

I immediately flipped them for $100.

Cover my shirts.

Yeah, covered the shirts then on eBay.

Frank, give me yours.

No, no, no, I gave him yours.

Mary, give me yours.

I told him to sell his to you know recoup some of the money on the trip too.

And

I don't understand, Frank.

He won't give his checking information to eBay.

Oh, no.

Like, he's one of those cats.

He's like the kind of guy that goes to shop right and covers up the

covers up the video.

But there is a but.

Uh-oh.

We got into Detroit around six o'clock on Saturday night.

I got jacked.

It took our tires.

Took my original hoodies.

So we checked into the hotel

and Frank fucking booked the wrong night.

He booked

the night prior to the game.

So we couldn't even cancel the night after then.

So it's like you guys already didn't book and messed up.

He should have booked the sixth.

He booked the seventh because the game was on the seventh.

Oh, okay.

He just kind of got confused.

So we're like, oh, shit.

So we're all in the same room?

I just start selling them bobbleheads.

No.

But thankfully, they found him a room when a crisis averted.

So they were upstairs, and we're trying to find a place to eat, and there's a casino.

You can see it from our hotel.

It literally looks like

you could just walk to it in two minutes.

Right.

There's like this big casino and there's places to eat inside.

If there's one thing Frank loves

casinos.

He loves casinos.

He likes casinos.

My wife has been on a hot streak.

Oh, she's been she's been wanting to go to a casino for a while.

Oh, got the buck.

Every time she goes, she cleans up.

So we go and it's dark.

And we turn down.

I know.

I know it.

I know I'm going to hear about it.

That people are going to dismiss me as being, you know, from a suburban fucking dork who

any

chance of being outside my comfort zone, of course, I'm going to be, I'm going to imagine things.

Frank

and Mary and Deb are in front of me.

Start to run.

Push Mary to this.

As we're walking towards the casino, and it is a deserted street.

And from around the corner come four men.

Uh-oh.

No, there there was no.

I had no uh-oh on that.

It wasn't until

since I'm the

last person.

I'm the last person in the group of four.

So they're talking amongst themselves and they're kind of oblivious because as they pass out of my peripheral vision,

I see them stop and turn around.

And I kind of turn across over my shoulder

and I could see them staring and they're looking at each other.

And they're, I know, all they're waiting for.

Like, we got to rob these guys.

All they're waiting for is one of them to make a move.

And I think they're all going to make a move.

They're kind of looking at each other like, like, like, these people are not.

Like, are these the guys we're going to rob?

Yeah.

And every

Jersey boy.

Every fiber of my being was like, oh, shit.

I think we're going to get robbed right now.

I'm not lying to you.

Like, every, my stomach sank, and I was just like,

what am i going to do here like what is going to happen because i think it's really i mean i was convinced it was going to happen hey buddy your shoelaces on tie so i'm and they're like walking ahead kind of like laughing and they and they and they're not they don't even realize it and

i'm like well how far do i walk like or do i turn around

like walk backwards what do i do just keep walking the way you're going

and just pretend like you just see you could just see that they kind of had like they missed their moment so they didn't do it.

I'm almost certain that's what was going on.

I'm almost certain.

Of course, I can't be 100% certain, but it really, really felt like that.

I felt like Brush Puy's kid.

So

I'm kind of like super relieved because I really felt like there was something almost happened right there.

So we get into the casino, and my wife hits

for money.

Right.

And I'm like, oh fuck.

They're probably still out there.

Give it back to the casino.

I'm not fucking right here.

Because now, because this one, the first one, only I was cognizant.

But on the second instance in the casino, she goes and collects her money.

I think she won $300.

And you got to put it in and get it out of the machine.

Somebody was.

So

it gives out a ticket, right?

No, it gives out cash.

It spits out the cash.

You put your ticket in.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

It gives you a voucher and you bring it up to the the machine.

You bring the voucher to

the machine.

It's like an ATM machine.

Yeah.

So it gives her the money and

I notice, you know, I'm a little, you know, again, maybe I'm being paranoid, but I notice two guys

watching us.

But I don't think anything of it.

And I know we're not leaving.

So I'm like, could they want to get something to eat?

And there's this food court.

Basically, it was like the shittiest food court in a mall that you've ever seen.

It was like a hamburger place.

You got a little Caesars here.

There was no pizza in this food court too, which was weird.

But there was like tacos and maybe Chinese food or whatever.

So we get a hamburger and we're getting ready to leave and

the girls say

they want to use the bathroom before they go for a walk.

And when they come out of the bathroom, I notice those two guys are standing by the bathroom.

Really?

Same two guys.

And I say, this time I go, I know I'm crazy.

I said, but those two guys are over there.

I said, and I know they were watching when Deb got her money.

And so they look over.

And when they look over at them, they kind of like

pretend to go into the bathroom.

Like, they look all into the bathroom because I don't know they're pretending.

They actually go into the bathroom.

What was that?

Fuzzy.

And

within two seconds, they come out of the bathroom.

So they only walked in and walked out of the bathroom.

So they walked into the bathroom.

They took a step into the bathroom, they came out of the bathroom.

Right, to make it look like they're doing something.

Yeah.

And then they saw us still looking at them, and they went back into the bathroom.

And here I am, like, what the fuck is going on?

Right.

So I'm like, let's go back into the casino.

Like, I'm not leaving.

And we walk back at the casino.

And then we live here now.

I was like, let's get an Uber back.

I go, and I say that.

Lose that money.

I say that.

I say to them, I reveal, I was like, look, I think we were almost fucking jacked.

Walking in here, I said, and I didn't say anything.

And of course, they're like,

Frank's like teasing me and everything.

But then Mary goes, I saw it it too.

Oh, really?

She backed you on it.

She backed me up on it.

And I want to say, like, that, and anybody who's going to dismiss Mary,

just because she's a housewife or, you know, because she lives,

she fucking, we basically live in fucking Mayberry compared to where the Franks live.

From the tour that the Franks gave me.

Oh, really?

Their local pizza parlor.

Somebody just was shot.

When's the last time we've had any shootings at any of the pizza parlors we go to?

Shot at a pizza parlor?

Yeah.

Shot through the window of a pizza parlor.

It was a hit.

All the crack houses,

all the crime, all the spots where all the main shots.

So maybe that's why Frank was the way he was.

In terms of like dismissing.

Yeah.

Just like, I hear gunshots all the time.

Or he should be more vigilant.

And he's the son of a cop.

Yeah.

But like, so anybody who's ready to dismiss just because Mrs.

Five was the only person to back me up.

Yeah, she doesn't like basically where we live

easily is Mayberry compared to where they live and the crime they're dealing with.

I believe it.

Like when I when I see like local police blotters and the crime that goes on around us, it's not

people getting shot, that kind of shit.

And there is like a lot of crime where they're up by.

So it's not like they're.

I didn't know that.

Yeah, I didn't know it either until I was like, I was like, shit, man.

You know, is Detroit going to be worse than where you guys live with all the fucking, all the things you're showing me?

Oh, there's this person who died over here, who got killed over here.

I thought he lived in like an upstate New York something.

It was.

It's a beautiful, beautiful neighborhood, but there's a lot of crime.

Huh.

Yeah, so that was my.

Damn, Frank lives in the ghetto.

Damn.

What skin I'm showing you?

The where the shots were fired in Oneida Square, the story for the

pizza place.

For the pizza place, yeah.

The one you just told me.

Oh, it made the news, huh?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't think the guy died, but he was shot.

He got hit.

It would be tough.

Like, if you know, if you're the victim of an unsuccessful hit,

now what?

Now you got to spend the rest of your life.

Okay, let's just say, you know, let's say I go to the same pizza parlor every single day at 11:30 a.m.

I hit the same pizza parlor.

I get my same thing.

If the day before, I was like, what happened to the window?

Oh,

George got shot yesterday.

He's going to make it, but he got shot.

I'd be like, see ya.

It was a hit.

I'm not going back to that.

And that's something we don't deal with.

I'm like, CC's.

Maybe.

He's sitting there eating pizza with a bulletproof.

But overall, yeah, I mean, that was, I mean, we also stopped at

the city.

I mean, you're a horrible mistake because Frank needed gas, and then we were all like, we couldn't use the bathroom because

the bathrooms were jam-packed to get out of there when we were leaving the stadium.

So that everybody had to use the bathroom.

And we walked into one of those

gas stations with a with a like a mart,

you know, like a grocery mart.

And when you walked into that grocery mart,

everything, like every single worker was behind bulletproof gas glass.

Something I've never seen before.

None of the customers are.

The two guys in the bathroom were following her.

And

the girls didn't want to use the bathroom there.

And I decided I was like, well, I need something to drink.

I'm really thirsty.

And they don't even scan the bottle of water.

There's no contact.

There's like this little slot you put the money through.

And I guess it's all on like

you just have to go on the employee's honesty of what he's selling because they don't even scan it with a UPC because there's no contact with any of the

customers.

Right.

Physical contact.

You put a money through a little tray, and then they push your thing, and the money goes to them.

That's the kind of story we're in.

And we walked outside, like,

yeah, we're in Detroit.

She was like, Frank, we got to go.

I was like, like, I got to put the GPS coordinates in.

She's like, no, we got to go now.

I was like, Frank, listen to her.

We got to go now.

Hunched underneath the seat.

I didn't want to be that way.

I didn't want to, because I'd heard little jokes about, oh, you're going to Detroit?

Yeah, you'll pack your bulletproof vest.

I was like, get the fuck out of here.

Stop.

But now you see, huh?

Oh, yeah, maybe

I should have listened.

Are they high on the crime?

Apparently, yeah, they are.

I mean, city-wise, like, New York's towards the bottom.

I mean, I don't know about

what city.

I mean, well, we got Camden.

There's places around here.

Well, we don't go to those places, though.

Yeah, when the last time you were in Camden.

Yeah, we don't walk around there, and we don't know what it's like.

And

so, like, I didn't want to just dismiss.

We go to Newark.

Yeah.

We do.

No.

There's a big police presence in Newark.

Well, we're all in the middle of the day.

And you're going from a parking garage to a game.

There's tons of people, right?

And there's tons of people, and the police presence is absolutely insane.

Not a lot of police presence around

the arena, the stadium?

Well, on a Saturday night, the game, the night before the game, no.

There was nobody on the street.

Oh, so this is when you were going.

So this wasn't the same night that you were at the game.

No, Sunday morning.

I was like saying, why would you be walking around?

I mean, I would imagine there would be tons of people around then.

There was nobody walking around the city on Saturday night at 7 o'clock.

And that's an issue in itself, don't you think?

At 7 o'clock?

You're driving to the hotel.

I was like, wow, it's weird.

There's nobody walking around.

But it I wonder why.

It was a nice city, though.

It looked very clean.

Outsiders.

It is the fourth most dangerous city in the country.

D.C.

Chicago.

Birmingham, Alabama.

Really?

I would not have thunked that.

Neither would you think, Frank.

Second, New Orleans.

Third, St.

Louis.

A lot of

fourth, Detroit, and then fifth is Memphis.

Camden's not even on there anymore.

Wow, Camden.

All right, Camden.

There are no New Jersey cities.

We really are dropping the ball.

Did I tell you?

We're Mayberry Mayberry now.

Basically.

Basically, Hazlet looks like Mayberry.

Sunday, don't chuckle, because I know where you live.

It's fucking Mayberry, too.

It's a fucking offshoot of Mayberry.

So don't give me that chuckle like you live in a fucking

swamp over there.

It's a fucking calibration.

You can walk around nude with fucking, just strap $100,000 bills to your body, and nobody would bother you.

We could try it.

Nobody would even care.

Nobody would bat an eyelash.

Go back to Detroit.

But did I ever tell you the story?

Before you bowed out, before you got sick on the trip to the Grand Canyon, we stopped at some sort of antique center

on our way to St.

Louis because Frank wanted to see

a soda place that made you can make your own soda.

I remember that.

Yeah, I remember you telling me about that.

And so they're in this antique building where...

that was huge.

And I stepped outside and a local, a really old man, was sitting

on this bench.

And I sat down and I'm looking at my phone.

He goes, where are you from?

And I go, oh, you could tell him I'm not from around here.

He goes, oh, yeah.

He goes, you could tell.

I could tell.

He's laughing.

I go, I said, I'm from Jersey.

He goes, where are you headed?

I go, St.

Louis.

And he goes, what?

And I was like,

he goes, you don't want to go to St.

Louis.

You go, you got your family here with you?

And I go, yeah.

He goes, don't.

Come to New York.

Please, he goes, don't go to St.

Louis.

Promise me you're not going to go to St.

Louis.

I'm telling you, don't go to St.

Louis.

And I was just like,

I'm a big believer in fucking signs.

And I was like, guys,

I don't think we should go to St.

Louis.

And this is a guy that lived in Detroit?

No, this is a guy on the way to St.

Louis.

Well, on our way to Grand Canyon a couple of years ago.

And

I told the caravan, I was like, I don't think we should go to St.

Louis because this old man told us not to go.

And Frank was like, but I want to go make soda.

I was like, You can get soda anywhere, Frank.

You can get soda anywhere.

I go, this guy, I mean, this is a sign from above, I think.

This is an angel.

You know, this is an angel sent to me right now.

I don't want to discount this guy's warning.

I said, why would he say all this shit?

Because once you got there and then something happened, you'd be like, why the fuck didn't I listen?

And we didn't go.

No?

No.

We didn't go to St.

Louis because of that old man's warning.

The country's most dangerous city to fucking mix up some soda for yourself seems not worth it.

But why, you know, I never would have thought that, though.

I wouldn't have either.

I really don't hear

a lot about St.

Louis.

We drove on the outskirts.

We did see the arch because we stayed on the highway.

We didn't go into the town, into the city, but we saw the arch, and you know what?

That was good enough for me.

Sorry, Frank.

No soda for you.

Too much.

We'll get extra soda.

You know that whatever soda he makes is not going to taste as good as regular soda.

You can put your own label on it.

He was talking about it.

That's what he wanted.

You know what?

That makes sense.

There's a lot of good Photoshop.

If you can do that at home, just take a fucking can of Pepsi and put something else.

Frank's cola.

He was disappointed, though.

Mary was not.

She was like, we got to listen to that old man.

Yeah, Mary seems to have her head on her shoulders, huh?

Frank's like got his head in the clouds.

He's just wandering around, dopey.

Yeah, Frank wants an adventure.

Yeah.

It's like a fucking hobbit over there.

I'm not as adventurous as Frank.

No, I'm willing to, like.

Well, this is your idea to go to Detroit, right?

To go see the, yeah, right.

But

I didn't, you know, I, again, it could have been my imagination.

It may or may have been, but

you're in an area that

you're an unknown chart, you're an uncharted area, an uncharted land for you.

So you have no idea what that is.

The way that they behaved just gave me

this feeling of like my stomach sank.

I was like, these guys ain't acting normal.

I'm sure, I mean, everybody has definitely walked down certain streets or whatever, and he's just like, just keep walking.

It's just like, you've been, I mean, it doesn't matter what city you're in.

There's always that.

I mean, even when I was in New Orleans, I mean, New Orleans got a real high population of

of homeless people.

Tons of homeless people.

And it's just like, you're just, even like the homeless people coming up to you just like, just don't even want to even associate with them because you don't know what they're, you know, what they really are going to do.

I mean, it's just, but, you know, for the most part, after being there, I mean, we were there for a while.

And, you know, it just started to be like, okay, it's like.

Not as bad as I thought, but still, you know, you're in a place that you have no idea of your surroundings.

Well, it's like anywhere.

You stay in the touristy areas.

Correct.

Don't look for the adventure.

We were in New Orleans, and me and Q went down to the cemetery, and people later on were like, Are you fucking insane?

Like, do not go to the cemetery.

Nothing happened, though.

So you can.

Nothing happened.

Yes, you can walk away and be like, what was the big deal?

But something could have happened.

But like I said, there's people who are more adventurous than me, plenty of them.

And Frank is one of them.

And I'm happy he's married to somebody who's not as adventurous, who's able to be like, we're not going.

And he's like, all right, I guess we're not going then.

Was he pissy about it?

He wasn't.

No, not at all.

But

he will listen, though, and he will take some good advice from his wife.

I would hope so.

Yeah.

But it was fun.

I mean, like I said, it was something.

I saw a win, got some love.

I didn't want the game to end.

That's how weird it was.

It was like, at a certain point, I was like, I can't believe I've seen this shit on TV, you know, so often.

And now I'm seeing it.

It just was really, really weird.

First football game I ever saw, too.

Professional football game.

Wait, you'd never been in.

Never been in Giants Stadium.

Really?

I was at the parking lot then when when we went to the tailgate and to see the Cowboys and the Giants up there.

Okay, so you've never been in a stadium, so it is a different experience because everything is so vibrant when you're at the stadium.

Like, you look at the grass, it's like, this is not what it looks like.

Everything's like, I don't care if it's a four,

it's this is like better than, well, it's, it's real.

Yeah.

I mean, you're seeing everything.

It's just like, this doesn't look like what it does on TV.

It's just, you don't get the scope of things unless you're actually.

And it was, it's so bizarre.

Like on television.

And it's quiet, though.

It's quiet as all.

And all of a sudden you hear it's like a television.

When the tires are on defense, then it's loud.

Yeah, Yeah, but I'm just saying you just hear like, you know, like people a little chatter and then you just hear like hellbenny and somebody makes a play.

Then everybody like is, it's like hockey.

You don't have an announcer and everything else at home.

But on television, that football field, that 100-yard field, looks like it could be 10 miles long.

Yeah.

But when you're at the game, you're like, I couldn't believe how fucking 100 yards is.

Like, why aren't there more touchdowns being scored?

It doesn't look that touchdown.

This shit is so fucking short.

This looks like arena football.

It really, really did.

It really looked like fucking arena football.

I was like, I can't believe there's not 100 points scored a game because it doesn't look that long of a field.

Because Brady ain't here.

She did.

It was cool.

And they played their starters, which was neat, too.

And I assume they weren't going to play their starters because they were.

It meant nothing to them, right?

They're playing the playoffs this Sunday night.

So a wild card.

I don't think they're going to win.

I think that their defense in their secondary is fucking brutal.

They give up so many yards through the air.

But at least I got to see a win.

But I'm really hoping that

the Rams.

Ooh, playing the old guy, huh?

And so Stafford

is going to carve up that secondary, I think.

Man, that secondary, it looks like.

I know this feels like the back of my hand.

Yeah, I don't know.

But I hope they win.

But at the very least, they can all root for the Browns after them.

I don't care.

Without Brady, you know, it's the Lions or nothing.

Football's dead to me.

Did it matter to you one way or the other with Belichick's departure?

He's going to be a little bit more.

There was a little bit of like,

see how shit turned out?

Because you thought you could do better without Brady.

You thought that you could do better without Brady.

And look what happened.

It was a fucking

dumpster fire.

Your team was a dumpster fire.

And you thought that it was because of you, and it wasn't, and you wanted to show the world that you didn't need Brady.

Well, guess what?

You showed the world.

Every team needs a quarterback.

I mean, your team is not really, you know, your own issue.

But this is a genius.

How can the greatest mind in football be like,

I don't think there's anything left in Tom Brady?

It's ridiculous.

He was about a year or two too premature.

He was two years too early.

Yeah, I think.

He deserved a right to retire as a patriot, and things would have been so much better in Foxborough.

Never won another Super Bowl, possibly.

No, but at least he would have gotten to stay and not

be told basically you're not wanted.

But you know what?

In the end, though,

he accomplished.

Yeah, I mean, just within the first year, it took a team, you know, not only that, first overtime, first home game, you know, so it was.

Yeah, but where do you think he ends up, Belichick?

Chargers.

Well, he only needs like 14 or 15 more games for the record, right?

Against

Julia.

But, you know, I still think he can coach.

I mean, it's just that

I don't know what team he wants.

But I'm saying it depends on what team.

I mean, you got to.

The Chargers are fucking loaded, man.

You got your quarterback.

You need a team that you're able to, you know, like short term, where it's not going to take you.

He doesn't, he's not going to sit there and be there four or five years and just be like, okay, now I got the team the way I want it.

You know, it's like he wants to get to a team that go to the Chargers.

You got A Bear, and he's fucking

if he's a West Coast guy, if he wants to go to the West Coast.

You know, he's always been on the East Coast.

Yeah.

Have to see.

I was surprised I made your radar.

Bilichek?

Oh, yeah.

I was in Chili's the other day and it came on.

So, yeah, I noticed it.

That and the Aaron Rodgers stuff.

He's off the Pat McAfee show.

Then he's back on the Pat McAfee show.

He's like, get him?

Well, he says,

he gets a lot more fucking hate than Giddam gets by Rodgers.

He makes a lot more money, too, though.

Giddam can take all the hate in the world if he's making what Aaron Rodgers is making.

Do you know how much Pat McAfee paid him to be on every appearance?

Take a guess.

This is what I heard.

I could be wrong.

5,000?

5,000?

Yeah, like

for one episode?

No.

More.

More.

10?

No.

More.

Is this a very popular show that Pat Mamma really familiar with?

It's probably the most popular sports show on the planet right now.

Oh, really?

Okay.

I've heard it was a million dollars in a parallel.

A million dollars?

That's a lot.

Yeah.

I'm starting at five grand.

I don't want to play football anymore.

I'm a terrible businessman.

That's what I heard.

And I could be wrong, and it could be just a rumor, but it was money well invested, though, because he became

not because of that.

I'm sure

his trajectory was still like, you know,

going, going, going, going to be the best and be the most popular even without Aaron Rodgers.

But that really propelled him into the public conscious, having Aaron Rodgers come on and just say wacky shit to get picked up.

all over the internet.

But I heard it was a million dollars in appearance.

Every Monday, he would come on.

Maybe that was for the season, a million dollars for the whole season, but I thought it was a million dollars per episode for 17 weeks.

That's a lot of fucking money.

That's a $17 million.

I could be wrong, though.

It's weird.

Whenever I go to, you know, whenever I eat out, usually the TVs in the restaurant will have like

sports-related stuff.

And I just like, I look at the salaries and shit, and I'm like, what is it like to be like, oh, over the next three years, you're going to make $200 million?

What does it feel like for somebody to fucking say that to you?

And the only way they're going to be able to pay those guys is that's why I had to pay $230 for two hoodies and a fucking plush line.

Yeah, no doubt.

Because that shit, you know, that would cost to cost to make it in some, you know, overseas.

This hoodie, my two hoodies probably are less than $5 each, and that lion was probably less than a dollar.

Yeah.

The lion's probably the kind of thing you get out of the claw grabber sheet at the arcade.

The paint's still wet as he's bringing it out of his car.

But that's how you, I mean, and the food was asked.

Well, I thought it was two slices of pizza and two bottled water is $40.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Fine living over there.

It's a good thing your wife won, Jesus.

It was worth it.

It was awesome.

Yeah.

How to do it.

Driving through Canada, though.

I don't know what's fucking going on.

I mean, Canada is just like, they got to build a fucking, they got to build a mall or something.

Motherfucker.

There's nothing from the

so vast, man.

It's huge.

Canada.

There's nothing there.

You're in the middle of the country.

I mean, you're not in Toronto.

You're not in Quebec.

You're not, all that stuff's on the other side, or Vancouver.

There's a lot of

just uncharted area in Canada.

The length of the United States.

I was 55 was a Tim Hortons, and I think every fucking Canadian.

Oh, yeah, well, that's their dunk of donuts.

There was just one Tim Hortons, and I think the whole fucking country was

going through the drive-thru for this Tim Hortons.

And we were just like, fuck it.

Only thing there.

But yeah, it is a fucking desolate part of the world, Canada, driving through there.

That part that you're in.

You know, we had to go through the checkpoint

four times.

And did you get slowed down at all?

There's no reason why I should be nervous, right?

Is there any reason why I should be panicking and my heart should be like palpitating and like I should be sweating?

You're going to find something on me.

Not unless you're crossing the border with me.

Then maybe you got something order.

She was like, you know what?

Get him Steve Dave.

And the whole time I'm like, well, what if, you know, I don't want to get tripped up because the last time they...

Humana human, homina.

So what do you do for a living?

And I was like, what do I do for a living?

I'm a publisher.

And everybody will publish magazines.

I was like, yeah, I publish magazines.

Because you have.

Not a lie.

And all of a sudden, next thing I know, I'm stuck.

They pull me out of the car, me and the family.

And we're like, they know, they know I'm not a publisher.

And they tear our car apart for two hours.

Two hours they did this?

Yeah, when I went to Canada in the summertime, my wife was so magic.

What part of Canada?

Were you going to Toronto?

Niagara Falls.

Yeah, it was going to be a good idea.

So, you're going to Toronto.

Really?

And my wife was like, why did you act so weird?

Why did you say those things?

It's like, I don't know.

I don't know why.

I didn't think they were going to ask me what I did for a living.

I didn't want to say, why didn't you just say what you did?

And I was like, because it sounds like a douche.

I don't want to look like a douche in front of that guy.

I'd rather waste two hours.

I sound like a biggest fucking douchebag.

I'm a room podcaster.

Let me through, or I'll fucking talk about you on my podcast.

Yeah, you're going to do it anyway.

This jerk-off.

I'm an actor.

I just should have said I was retired.

So, what I was telling Frank, we're like,

don't just tell him what you do.

And I was like, I'm just going to tell him I work with the college or you.

I said,

don't do that.

He's going, don't say you work with the college.

Okay, I'm going to say I'm your student.

This isn't a sanctioned trip from the college.

I'm just going to say I work at the college.

I want to say I'm a professor, too.

A professor of what?

Publishing.

And yeah, and Frank took.

Two hours.

Oh, that's a long time, baby.

They made us watch as they took apart the car.

Like, they put us on a bench outside, and we watched four people come over and just tear through our luggage and look through the linings and underneath the door things.

I went to Toronto.

I gave them the passports.

They were like, what are you doing here?

I'm going out there.

There was an Amazon package that my daughter had not opened.

It had hair extensions in it.

And they were like, what's in this package?

Who's Alicia?

It's my books.

And I'm like,

that's Alicia.

Did they refer with you like that?

And who is she?

I go, that's my daughter.

And she said, what's in the package?

And my daughter's all nervous.

I'm American for crying.

We're neighbors.

And they're like,

permission to open it.

And I was like, go ahead.

I was like, go ahead.

And it was hair extensions.

Yeah, they were like, they intimidated us.

Yeah, well, they're making an example out of you for fucking whatever reason.

Like, they know goddamn well you don't got anything on you, they fucking know it.

Yeah, but you're dressed down lying.

Although it probably doesn't help when you, when you're like, I don't know what I do for a living.

I'm sure they're like, get out of the car.

He's like,

you're what do you think?

That's who Frank should have been.

He's got Alzheimer.

He just doesn't remember anything.

And I go, what he says, what do you publish?

Magazines?

They're like, yeah, yeah, magazines.

That's a ticket.

Nope, those magazines.

Funny books.

I work in funny books.

But I wasn't lying.

You ever hear the War on the Dead?

Yeah, I published plenty of magazines.

Yeah, that's true.

Let's say three.

Did you give him one of those Tell Him Steve Dave magazines?

And I'm sure afterwards.

I'm sure afterwards, there's no apology or anything.

You're free to go.

Oh, no.

I just can't believe it's that long that they actually do.

Two hours.

And so I had to use the bathroom.

I've never heard of that.

I said, can I go to the bathroom?

And they're like, no.

And I go, well, I really got to go.

I said, is there any way that somebody can come in with me?

Were you driving?

Yeah.

And so they, like, I'm not trying to get rid of anything.

Look, you can search me.

You can watch me go to the bathroom.

I said, you need to run over his football.

In fact, I prefer it.

I go, I got to do number one.

It's not number two.

So, like, I got to go to the bathroom, though.

And he was like, he goes, give me a minute.

And that minute was like 15 minutes.

And someone let me go to the bathroom.

Yeah.

It was really very intimidating.

And you thought Detroit was bad.

No, Detroit was way worse.

Like, I knew that.

I'd rather be detained for two hours.

Yeah, I'd rather be detained for two hours than that two seconds where I felt like my world was going to end.

Yeah, I got detained at the border.

Were you with me?

Yeah, I was with you.

Yeah, you were with me.

Yeah.

Are you sure it's you?

Yeah, before we?

Because

before

we started doing the show, Walt and I were talking about how common my name is.

And sure enough, when I got stopped at the border, there was a Brian Johnson, I guess he spelled it the same way, who was involved in some bank robberies or something like that.

When you go for a more exactly this is this you was issue.

Yeah, yeah.

Have you ever lived at this address?

Post-9-11.

It was right after 9-11, and I was convinced it was because he had the beard.

Anybody with a long beard is getting stopped.

Bin Laden?

Bin Johnson.

Before we get out of here, I got to ask you guys something.

I got a wife who's turning 30 tomorrow.

Seems like it's a big deal to turn 30 for a woman because the past week has been not pleasant.

Really?

Yeah.

And I'm looking at her like, get the fuck out of here.

Try turning 50, get you.

Older.

Like it's over the hill at 30, huh?

But it's not the first time I've heard it because I remember when Jordan Muse's wife turned 30.

I was talking to her and then she was like, yeah, that's when it's over for a woman.

Like you start falling apart at 30 and all this other stuff.

I would hope not.

It doesn't appear any different to me.

30 is pretty fucking young.

What did you do to assure her that she was acting foolish?

It could be worse.

It could be 56.

That's pretty much what I said.

Because, like I said, we were at Chili's, and our waitress was like, oh, I'm about to turn 29, and I can't believe it.

I'm only a year away from 30.

And I was like, you guys come back when you turn 50, and then you'll know what it's like to be like, holy shit, I'm getting old.

Yeah, but men get distinguished as they get older.

I am distinguished, aren't I?

You're oozing.

But you can, you can, I clean up nicely.

Yeah.

Apparently, that's not the case.

So I guess society,

I guess women become more invisible as they get older.

Or a little more haggish?

No, I think they're invisible in terms of like they don't get the same.

Oh, they don't get the attention.

They don't get the same attention as they did when they were younger.

And I guess

that's what I've heard in terms of what society says.

Right.

Well, that's a bummer.

What are you asking us, though?

What should I do?

Sunday is the fucking sage.

Sunday, you have to think about this.

But yeah, Sunday.

You know how to handle shit, though.

What do you you do?

Like, I was like, I was like, what do you want to do?

Do you want to go out?

I don't know.

Maybe I'll just stay home.

Do you want to do this?

Because

I'm going to plan a trip to Vegas for her so she can see her parents.

So that's like the big birthday present.

Blue October.

No, Blue October.

No, we already got a fucking Blue October concert coming up.

I don't want to add to the mix.

And I got her a cat dog pop that she's been wanting.

Cat dog.

For some reason.

Yeah.

Wow.

Loves it.

Loves that show.

That was like her

time period.

That's her Scooby-Doo.

Yep.

Yeah, exactly.

I guess, you know, just,

you know, I guess, like you said, you know, I think it might be like

just horror.

You know, I guess women just don't.

Nobody likes to get old, but I think it's just like more, like they worry more about their appearance, maybe, than like men do.

I think like men, I don't think they really care.

I mean, how old you get, you know, but I think women really care about, you know, they they care about their appearance.

And they they st maybe they they look at things differently than how men do.

but you just say look you look as beautiful as the day i met you yeah she knows that ain't true though

well you show pictures i mean it's just like you know it's like look you haven't changed you're the same person

i i have pictures of her when she's young she's she looks a lot different yeah don't show her those pictures then can you have some sort of fake age related episode to like really like kind of like make her forget about her age because you're dealing with like maybe you pretend you fell down like a showerfall yeah there you go

screaming her name.

No better way I can get her respect.

You can get some makeup.

Maybe you can get some bluish makeup

and put these fake bruises all over you.

And then really milk it, you know, and have her laid on your hand and foot.

And then she's totally on her birthday.

And then pretend you don't remember her name.

Oh, yeah.

I'm like,

I can't believe you're already 30, Suzanne.

She'd fucking fucking kill me.

She's like,

she ain't even thinking one bit about her birthday then.

No, no, if I say that.

And then she notices that the fucking makeup fucking is smeared.

Do you have fake bruises?

Are you pretending you're suffering from pre-senile dementia?

I don't know.

I didn't know what to do for your birthday.

What would you do?

Tell him, Steve, Dave.